#akiuge

[chuffedracoonjunkboy]

You know, when Akihiko described what falling in love felt like I thought he was exaggerating. I didn’t quite understand how something others call so beautiful could also be so painful to this man. But then. OH GOD. Gts it was actually pretty on point

[oasisdew]

~Clinginess in AkiUge~

A thread

So this is probably one of the widest spread 'belief's in given fandom that Akihiko was the clingy one in AkiUge. He was the one who couldn't give UP, wouldn't let go. I did get a CC about this once too because I have always said the opposite. I had thought about making a thread then. But then real life got in the way and I couldn't. 

Anyway. I do think that Ugetsu had always been the clingy one in AkiUge, at least in the present manga timeline and the thread below is why.

So this (code 8) is the first time we see Ugetsu in the Manga outside of Akihiko's thoughts. (We saw him in Aki's memory before in code 7 and that was very suspicious too but I'll talk about that at the end of this thread.)

This is him, clinging to Akihiko here. Asking for attention. Akihiko did NOT initiate the contact. This is him showing some interest in Akihiko knowing full well that he craves it. (or not knowing it, I am never sure what the fandom at large wants to think Ugetsu as, clever man who pays attention to everything, who can read Mafuyu or Akihiko and read the situation better than most OR just a dumb asshole who just obliviously manages to do the exact thing that'll hurt the other party the most because he is emotionally unstable and too in love.

This is him asking Aki to play violin with him because his current boyfriend is not up to his liking and obv that automatically means or implies that Akihiko at least is better liked than the guy he called his boyfriend then because he only liked that guy for his face.

Do I think he is being honest here? I don't, but I won't tell anyone to come to any conclusions either. I am just pointing things out here.

The second time we saw him, this is what happened. Akihiko once again did not start the conversation.

I personally think it's because he had been abused for a long time and knew to stay wary of Ugetsu when happy at least subconsciously, but people can think differently.

So this is what happened here, he saw Akihiko was happy, and asked what it was he was being happy about, very not suspicious behavior for someone who really is interested in another person. And then when he got Akihiko's attention he proceeded to ignore him. The thing I find intriguing here is how he thought it's a 'shame', we don't know exactly what the shame is.

The unofficial translation made it a bit more obvious, “to let it go.” but let's stick to the official one, because clearly Kizu is trying to remain vague here.

But, this thing, as far as I am concerned, does tie to this scene there in code 17, “I am sure I will never find anyone better than him.” “He really is a good guy.”

This is when he is thinking about that time that he broke the mug and he regrets it.

What he regretting about is the question, breaking the mug? Or endangering his relationship with Akihiko because he'll never find another one like him? You think about your own answer, I have mine.

OK, so then jumping back to code 16, which is the next time that we see Ugetsu. I am sure the whole thing he did here is to get away from Akihiko too xD

NO I am being sarcastic but the thing is that Ugetsu is never not consistent. It's up to you how much you want to justify him. You do you.

But at least don't try to deny that here too Ugetsu did initiate the things between them. Akihiko actually gritted his teeth when he realized Ugetsu had come back. But well he proceeded to have sex so ofc you can go blame him.

There is this scene in code 20 where Aki has been thinking about the basement, and we see Ugetsu clinging to him in bed too. Which might be symbolic knowing Kizu, but which is there. Ugetsu spooning Akihiko when Aki is looking in the opposite direction.

And then I get back to the initial scene of Akihiko thinking about Ugetsu, which I think had been their first time or at least first sexual contact, and there also I think Ugetsu had been the initiator but this is just me thinking and I am not asking anyone to believe things the way I do without any proof. But here also we see Ugetsu touching Aki's palm on his own cheek and it's not the other way around.

Okay, then, after Akihiko got out of the basement, this was the first and only time he went back to it. Code 26. And this is what happened. Ugetsu being playful with him. Hitting him with a pillow probably, “Are you my mom?” then asking why Aki wants to get out of there, then losing his shit because ofc he loved Aki too much. 😔Aki never initiated any contact except being mildly worried about his well being, but presumably he had been over Ugetsu by then so that was expected.

Code 27, Ugetsu understands that it's Haruki who is responsible for whatever he anticipated, then fully knowing that trying to get away so that Akihiko can not catch up to him outside of the basement. This is in clear contrast with how Haruki reacted to Akihiko playing the violin too.

But then the whole thing happened where Ugetsu stunned Akihiko asking if he was breaking up with him or not whereas as far as Akihiko was concerned there was nothing to break up, but he went along with him so yeah… 🤧 but I digress.

Anyway. The thing I tried to point out here is that Ugetsu had always been the toxically clingy one in this relationship. You can justify how you want it to. I don't care.

That doesn't mean Akihiko is not the clingy one by nature. That's his weakness actually. Which Ugetsu exploited.

Ofc everyone can think for themselves. And come to different conclusions. The fact remains though that Kizu has shown Ugetsu to be the clingy one in that relationship.

[vyxnilla]

Akihiko was the one who took the iconic shot of Ugetsu during autumn. Akihiko is looking at him so tenderly while Ugetsu shows his most beautiful smile. They were truly so in love.

[ristueno]

omg given:movie out tomorrow i’m fucking hyped! also *cries in manga reader*

[oikwaa]

🌙

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Don’t Let Go

Fandom: Given Pairing: AkiUgetsu Rating: E Tags: Smut, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Marijuana, Sexual Inexperience Summary: Ugetsu had gotten some weed. Hornyness and neediness ensue. Set in high school.

Akihiko’s warning bells jingled immediately when he came back from the bathroom and found Ugetsu smiling at him. Wiping his hands dry on his pants, Akihiko’s steps slowed down. He frowned at Ugetsu.

“What?”

Akihiko had come to bring him his homework. Ugetsu had been absent the whole day due to a violin competition. Regionals. Apparently, that also meant he was free to laze around the whole afternoon in his pajamas and ignore the pile of notes Akihiko had written for him. According to Ugetsu, it was his reward for winning by a landslide. Akihiko had pointed out it had been the first round and Ugetsu should have been able to win it with his eyes closed and left hand tied behind his back.

“I’ve got something.”

Ugetsu perked up in the middle of his messy bed. His deep brown eyes squinted and twinkled at Akihiko. His hands were cupped in his lap, but Akihiko couldn’t see what he was holding.

Wary of Ugetsu’s mysterious tone, he stepped closer to get a better look.

What was revealed deepened his frown. Nestled on Ugetsu’s cupped palms rested a metallic lighter and thick cigarette. Only it was wrapped weirdly and was too lumpy to be an ordinary cigarette.

Akihiko glared at Ugetsu who was still smirking.

“Where did you get that?”

“It’s a secret,” Ugetsu said and wiggled to sit on the edge of the bed. He reached the white lumpy joint for Akihiko. “Try it with me.”

Akihiko let out a chuckle that had a nervous edge to it even to his own ears. He slumped on the floor, effectively facing away from Ugetsu and his treasure. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table to fiddle with.

“Try yourself.”

The bed creaked behind him. Annoyed, Akihiko glared up when a shadow was cast over him and the phone screen. Effectively knocking Akihiko’s hands out of the way with his foot, Ugetsu situated his weight to straddle his hips. Awkwardly Akihiko’s hands dangled on his sides, not being able to naturally settle anywhere. He stifled his urge to shift.

“Oi,” he said. “Go sit somewhere else.”

Ugetsu wiggled his ass, trying to get comfortable.

“But I like this spot.” He conjured the joint and lighter from behind his back. “Are you sure you don’t want to try with me?”

“Yes.”

“Suit yourself, then.”

Akihiko’s eyes widened when Ugetsu’s lips closed around the wrinkly stub. The heavy, metallic flick of the lighter rang loud in the quiet basement. Akihiko’s phone dropped to the floor with a clatter when his hands came to try and nudge Ugetsu off.

“I said do that by yourself!”

But Ugetsu’s thighs pressed tighter against him as he anchored his weight deeper in his lap. The flickering flame hovered close to the small tip of the thin rolling paper until it whooshed alight. Distracted, Akihiko’s resistance died down as he watched Ugetsu’s thumb and index finger pinch around the stub. His lips tightened and brown knotted. The lit end glowed red and orange as Ugetsu dragged through it.

His body stiffened in Akihiko’s lap. It looked like he was holding his breath. Akihiko caught himself mirroring him, closely monitoring his face.

Just as he was about to ask was Ugetsu alright, thick white coughs erupted from deep inside Ugetsu. His shoulders shook as he hacked. One of his hands came to lean on Akihiko’s shoulder for support as he nearly doubled over.

Rolling his eyes, Akihiko let his body relax. He let out an angry huff. A sweet scent tickled his nostrils.

“Idiot.”

Still sputtering a little, Ugetsu smirked at him. The coughing had brought tears to his eyes, making the chocolate brown twinkle even brighter than usual.  

“Congratulation,” Akihiko said, “you’ve officially broken the law now.”

Ugetsu’s mischievous smile widened and his eyes narrowed down at Akihiko.

“Shows what you know about the law,” he said. “Possession is punishable, too. I could be put in jail just for having it.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Akihiko said. “I’d finally get rid of you.”

Ugetsu’s eyebrows arched. His head tilted a little, and the dark bangs shifted.

“Is that so? I guess I’ll have to make you an accomplice then.”

The lit end glowed up between them again as Ugetsu drew another hit. Before Akihiko realized what was about to happen, Ugetsu leaned forward and sealed their lips tightly together. Taking advantage of Akihiko’s shock, Ugetsu’s tongue pushed in easily, deepening the kiss. His free hand had sneaked to cradle the back of Akihiko’s head and keep him in place.

Thick smoke filled Akihiko’s mouth. It didn’t taste as sweet as it had smelled. It had a rather earthy and dark flavor to it. Grassy. A little spicy. It made him gag.

Finally gaining his senses, Akihiko pushed Ugetsu off by his shoulders and freed his lips. He coughed which only sucked the smoke deeper into his lungs. Glaring, he wiped his mouth.

“The hell?!” he croaked.

Ugetsu leaned back on his lap. His eyes looked darker. Not the usual deep brown but almost black.

“Now we’re both criminals. Do you think they’ll let us share the cell?”

More curses tickled on Akihiko’s tongue.

“You’re such a fuc – “ he began but clenched his jaw.

“A what? I’m a what?”

Akihiko released a frustrated sigh. It wasn’t worth it wasting his breath when Ugetsu was being like this. Ugetsu would do what Ugetsu wanted to do when got that tone in his voice. Akihiko gave him another nudge, harder this time.

“Get off me.”

“But I said I liked this spot.”

“And I said get off.”

He grabbed Ugetsu by his hips and proceeded to hoist him off. But the warm weight shifted in his lap. Small arms reached to wrap around Akihiko’s shoulders like stubborn vines. Soft wisps of hair tickled his cheek when Ugetsu clung to him.  

“No, I want to be like this.”

Akihiko’s hold didn’t slack, but his resolve had faced a big loss right off the bat. He was always weak to this side of Ugetsu.  

“Forgive me”?

Akihiko chuckled humorlessly.

“Why?”

“Because,” Ugetsu said and rubbed against his shoulder, “when someone says sorry and means it, you have to forgive them. That’s what the teachers always said in kindergarten.”

“So, you’re saying you’re sorry from the bottom of your heart?”

Ugetsu fell silent. All Akihiko could hear were their breathings, slightly out of sync. No sound could pierce through the cocoon of the basement. It held everything in, muffling the violent soundwaves trying to disturb their way through.

“I don’t think my heart has a bottom,” he finally said quietly. “Sometimes…”

Akihiko stiffened when he perked up his ears. There had been scratches of the needle in the sound Ugetsu was emitting. Sometimes it was difficult to hear him through the scratches.

“Sometimes,” Ugetsu's voice had gained a distant tone, “I don’t think I even have a heart. It’s just…a pit. And I’m sinking into it. Or floating. And no one can reach me.”

Akihiko shifted and gently pushed him back.

“Alright,” he said, “I think this is enough crime for ya for one day.”

Carefully he took the smoldering joint from between Ugetsu’s fingers. He didn’t resist. Akihiko reached behind him to put it out against a plate left lying around on the coffee table. The cigarette’s fire died with a swirl of heavy smoke.

“What if,” Ugetsu went on in his quiet, distant voice, “one day you won’t reach me either.”

Akihiko frowned.

“What are you talking about? I’m right here.”

“I’ll be in so deep that you can’t reach. And you don’t even want to. Not anymore.”

With a sigh, Akihiko brushed some of the tousled bangs out of the way and examined Ugetsu’s face. Apart from his ever-darkening eyes that were now drooping a little, he didn’t seem much different.

“Hey, you alright?”

The heavy-looking eyelids slid close until Ugetsu’s dark, thick lashes fluttered against his cheeks. He nodded.

“A little dizzy. Like I’m floating.”

Akihiko scoffed softly.

“I bet you are, Space Boy.”

Even in the weightless state Ugetsu currently was, he still managed to muster his offended frown.

“I don’t want to talk about your stupid comics.”

“It’s Astro Boy, not Spa – “

The words died in his throat when Ugetsu rolled his hips and something hard brushed against Akihiko’s groin through the clothes.

“Aki.”

Oh, he knew that tone.

“Mm?”

“I wanna do it.”

“No.”

Ugetsu made a quiet whine and rubbed harder against him.

“Why not?”

Akihiko stilled his hips gently but firmly.

“You know why.”

A bit clumsily, Ugetsu pushed back to prop his palms on Akihiko’s shoulder. His bottom lip was jutting out slightly as he glared down at him.

“I bet if I was a girl, you would have done it with her already. You just don’t want to do it with me.”

Akihiko almost laughed out loud. Nothing could have been further from the truth. He wanted to do it with Ugetsu so badly it hurt. Had wanted to ever since he had kissed Ugetsu clumsily behind those goldfish and candied apple stands.

“It has nothing to do with that. You always say it hurts too much and we have to stop.”

Ugetsu pushed his hips against the restrictive hold. Akihiko could feel where the arch of the jutting hipbone pressed against his palm.

“I won’t say it this time!”

“You will.”

Akihiko could see the discovery of changing tactics on Ugetsu’s face. It seemed being high disarmed Ugetsu from his usual grace and veil somewhat. Akihiko was coming to realize he found it increasingly amusing.

A warm breath came to ghost over Akihiko’s neck and a pair of lips to nuzzle the little hollow. Thin, nimble fingers sank through the soft spikes of his hair and nails scraped gently the scalp. Akihiko’s hold on the hips slacked, and they rolled almost languidly now, matching the soft lips dragging against the side of his neck.

“I want to do it,” Ugetsu mumbled next to his ear. “It’s okay if I want it, right? Even if it hurts a little? I want to do it. Aki.”

And by every god in the universe, Akihiko wanted it, too. He wanted to flip them over, hold Ugetsu down, and bury himself into the tight velvet warmth till he could reach no further. Get his fill finally instead of grinding his teeth and pulling out when Ugetsu was rigid and gasping under him.

“No,” Akihiko said and grabbed Ugetsu’s hand that had been sneaking down towards his crotch.

The teasing lips puffed out a frustrated sigh. The wandering hand submitted to capture. Akihiko swallowed at the fingers that had managed to edge close enough to his own hardening front.

“I mean,” he said thickly, “that doesn’t mean we can’t…practice.”

Ugetsu’s tufts of hair twitched.

“Practice?”

“Yeah. Get you used to it more. I mean, it’s easier to hit triple stops if you loosen the bow a little.”

“You do that?” Ugetsu said, and there was a familiar teasing lilt creeping back to his voice. “I can play them just fine without loos – “

The rest died on his lips when Akihiko pulled his hand down to its desired destination. The sparkling dark eyes widened and shot up to stare at Akihiko when Ugetsu’s fingers brushed against the growing hardness between Akihiko’s legs. They wrapped tentatively around it and risked a couple of firm kneads. Akihiko’s eyes fluttered close at the contact.

“I want to do it, too,” he muttered inches away from Ugetsu’s lips, parted in silent awe. “You have no idea how much I want to, but not yet, okay? It’s still too tough on you. So – “

Ugetsu sucked in a shuddering breath when Akihiko’s hand wiggled under the loose waistband of his pants and reached for his groin.

“ – let me do this properly.”

The deepening chocolate eyes slithered open to look at Akihiko quietly.

“Okay,” Ugetsu managed in a thick, quiet voice. “Alright. Just – “ he pulled Akihiko’s free hand and pressed the cup of his palm to cup his cheek, “ – just don’t let go.”

A ghost of a smile played on Akihiko’s lips.

“I won’t.”

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Akihiko’s thumb lowered to Ugetsu’s mouth and nudged its way inside. Instinctively, Ugetsu gave away to the intrusion. He blinked at Akihiko. Indeed, he looked like he was floating.

“Lick it.”

Ugetsu took a hold of Akihiko’s wrist with both hands and started to lick the palm with broad, wet strokes of his tongue. With hooded eyes, he lapped the rough skin. One by one, he also bent the fingers to suck them into his mouth as deep as he could, When he pulled them out, he gently dragged his teeth over the bumps of the joints.

Akihiko’s eyes narrowed.

“That’s enough.”

Ugetsu looked down in the lap between them and sighed when the freshly dampened palm wrapped around him inside his underwear. Akihiko gave him a couple of slow strokes from the root to the tip. Eagerly, Ugetsu began to push inside the warm, rough tunnel of his hand. His breathing becoming labored puffs as he rocked back and forth, picking up speed quickly.

“Here,” Akihiko said and now held out his other hand.

Almost greedily, Ugetsu snatched hold of it and started licking again. He drooled into the small dip of the palm and spread the wetness with his tongue. Saliva trickled down his chin and Akihiko’s wrist. He let out quiet sighs and hums as Akihiko kept massaging him inside the pants. Occasionally Akihiko pressed his thumb against the weeping tip and rubbed it gently.

Ugetsu popped one of Akihiko’s fingers out of his mouth. His puffed-up lips glistened with spit.

“I’m close,” he said, out of breath.

Silently Akihiko changed hands again. This time Ugetsu didn’t waste time but started to rock more demandingly. Akihiko tightened his grip and squeezed a little towards the tip every time he pulled back. Ugetsu’s fingers clutched almost painfully on Akihiko’s shoulders when he held onto him for balance and leverage.

Akihiko raised the released hand to his lips and sunk his index and middle finger into his mouth. He could taste Ugetsu on his tongue. Less sweet than how he smelled. Spicy. Far more intoxicating than the white, thick smoke.

Ugetsu’s eyes dropped to follow Akihiko sliding his fingers in and out between his lips, coating them with spit. Each time they came out shinier. Ugetsu’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

When Akihiko pulled his fingers out, a thread of thick saliva stretched in the air. Never taking his gaze off Ugetsu’s flushed face, Akihiko reached behind him and pushed his hand under the waistband. Almost hungrily, his fingers groped the soft bump of Ugetsu’s ass, wiggling their way deeper and searching for the valley.

A half moan, half whine released from Ugetsu’s throat when the slipper tips of Akihiko’s fingers brushed against the sensitive pucker and rubbed it in circular movements. Slowly Akihiko coaxed the tip of his middle finger inside. Ugetsu gasped and clung to him a bit tighter.

“Shh,” he said quietly. “It’s okay.”

He sped up jerking Ugetsu off as he pushed his finger into the twitching heat till the hilt dug into the soft flesh of Ugetsu’s ass. Ugetsu’s back arched and a low moan raised between his parted lips. His body quivered in Akihiko’s lap. Akihiko mouthed a couple of small kisses along his jawline.

“I won’t move,” he said, “for now. You decide the pace.”

Ugetsu’s hips began their familiar dance again. His breathing puffed sweet between them. Every time he pushed into the tunnel of Akihiko’s palm, the finger slid out. And every time he pulled back only to push back in, the finger was forced back through the tight opening.

Before long, Ugetsu was captured in a pendulum that swung between sweet pleasure and even sweeter ache.

When Akihiko lined up his index finger to cram it inside too, Ugetsu let out another cry.

“Aki…”

“It’s okay,” he said.

“Don’t let – ” Ugetsu panted. “Don’t…let go.”

“I won’t.”

Ugetsu’s whole body jerked as Akihiko’s index finger worked its way in, too. There was more resistance now. He could feel the muscles working hard to adjust to the intrusion.

When both of the fingers were finally buried as deep as they would go, Ugetsu’s hand fled down where Akihiko was gripping him between his legs. Hurried and trembling fingers stuffed inside the underwear to accompany Akihiko’s. While Ugetsu kept pushing in and out, his hand guided the speed, angle, and pressure of the warm tunnel. The dark brows were knotted in deep concentration.

“Aki, I’m almost…I’m –”

Akihiko could feel the orgasm rolling down before it actually reached Ugetsu’s consciousness. The muscles tightened around his fingers. Ugetsu’s body arched and he stopped his almost feverish back and forth. But Akihiko continued the pendulum swings for him. He sped them up in both directions and didn’t let up until Ugetsu’s mind was overwhelmed and all he could do was to throw his head back and gasp and moan. Nothing else needed to exist between right now than the dizzying sensations.  

Slimy eruptions filled the inside of the underwear and spilled hot over Akihiko’s hand. The viscous liquid squished between his palm and Ugetsu’s bare dick, slickening the rubbing. Akihiko slowed down (at this point Ugetsu’s fingers have already slacked around him) and he kept milking to the last drop until Ugetsu started to jerk and flinch at the touch.

Boneless, he slumped against Akihiko’s shoulder. His heavy breathing huffed next to his ear. Little trembles and aftershocks ran through his body. When Akihiko pulled out his fingers, Ugetsu made a quiet sound in his throat and clung to him.

“Don’t let go.”

He reached to kiss the side of Ugetsu’s head. His lips pressed gently against the soft hair.

“I won’t.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

Ugetsu relaxed. Akihiko listened to his breathing calming down. His weight became heavier and heavier in his lap. When there was a little yawn next to Akihiko’s ear, he nudged Ugetsu’s hips gently. The contents coating his hand inside Ugetsu’s underwear were starting to cool off.

“Hey, Space Boy,” he said, “we better change your pants or you’re going to give yourself a rude waxing.”

[shinymixedbag]

sorry for venting in your ask box but i'm just so mad rn, haru did so much for aki, all of the friends aki has is thanks to haru invited him to the band, he spoiled aki - sth NO ONE ever did, aki were always the one who have to take care of others, he made aki feel joy again when playing music, everything good in aki's life is because of haru, aki literally called haru his savior, but there are still people who have the audacity to call aki second choice???? (cont)

Yep, Haruki always kept giving w/o asking for anything in return. Yes, Akihiko always had to tc of everything himself. Indeed playing music with Haruki, rekindled Akihiko’s love for it and he started enjoying it again. You mean there are those who have the audacity to call HARUKI — the second choice??

Fuck that. 

HAHAHAH there’s NOTHING Akihiko could’ve done to save his relationship with Ugetsu -.-

Ugetsu didn’t break up with Akihiko because he hated him, but because he loved him—and that alone makes it impossible for them to be together.

RIGHT!!! He had GOOD REASONS!! Ugetsu is no villain! He didn’t try to save the relationship because there’s no way he could’ve loved Akihiko and music AND been happy at the same time->

Akihiko^

Ugetsu >

SUFFERING. 

He was causing Akihiko PAIN!!! 

Ugetsu was also suffering seeing the person he loves suffer. It does seem selfish considering he caused Akihiko to suffer more in order to push him away... still I don’t think there was another way forward for them.

Switching to the OG here to emphasise the word used here, Aishiteiru—MUCH more intense than any other word used to express love. He says “I want to be with him, I want to be with him, I want to be with him, but I LOVE music”

He follows it up with

“still, never again more than THAT” — He made the ultimate sacrifice: he wanted to choose music, he loved music but he loved Akihiko more than that, but Akihiko would suffer if he stayed with him, and it scared him. 

He couldn’t choose Akihiko, he chose music like he wanted to. He didn’t want to let Akihiko go at all, but there was no other way.

Ugetsu couldn’t have “supported” Akihiko. Akihiko kinda gave up on music and the violin because he felt he couldn’t be as good as Ugetsu, there was nothing Ugetsu could’ve done to change that. That wasn’t Ugetsu’s fault, you can’t MAKE someone (who gave up on something they loved) LOVE it again just by supporting them or flaunting it in front of them. Ugetsu must’ve tried somehow? But clearly couldn’t do that, but Haruki DID —>

Ultimately, it’s not a matter of pointing fingers and blaming the other. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just that these two people couldn’t be together no matter what. Their feelings became convoluted when they hurt each other while struggling desperately for it to end. And then Haruki entered the picture and over time, with his selfless nature and lots of LOVE, saved Akihiko from his self-loathing, self-doubt and pain: He made Akihiko realize he can’t hold on to pain, that he can love again and that he WAS IN LOVE, he made Akihiko realize he LOVED music. Ugetsu noticed it too and although heartbroken having to let his first love go, it must’ve made him feel relieved and he let go. 

THEY ACCEPTED IT, IT’S TIME OTHERS DID TOO. 

0.0 I hope this makes sense.

[shnmru]

akiuge doodle

[sylviacelestial]

《Omegaverse》

"Jeez, how many times have you bitten my neck? We are still in school you kno-"

"Just once more."

"Haha then play Wieniawski with me tonight!"

"...Do I have to do that everytime I want to bite your neck?"

"Do I need to answer that stupid question?"

"Shut up."

"Hahaha"

[stardustparfait]

That's how it should be💖

[morievna]

morievna-san, did you make an analysis about akiuge's relationship from high school until they broke up? i've searched with multiple tags and haven't found it on your account :( or did i remember it wrong?

Hmmm I don’t thinks so… I was writing rather about them as characters and not really focusing that much on relationship, but since it is big part of them it was mentioned of course. Imo in this meta there was the most I wrote about them

I probably should write something like that, just I was busy recently (I have changed my job) so I didn’t have much time for Given T_T  But I will find time for writing about Akigetsu sooner or later xD

[franeridan]

I understand how you feel, I also like akiharu a lot! How do you feel about AkiUge and how their relationship affected Akiharu initially? Sorry for so many questions I enjoy your views on things!!

Hmhm this is a hard question, I think the easy answer is that I love it all? I really like Ugetsu even though he made Akihiko suffer a lot, cause Akihiko hurt him just as much and they were just... ill suited for each other, you know? Which is tragically beautiful to me, how much they loved each other in theory but practically they just couldn’t match, and, ahh, that last scene with them! I’ve been completely on board with akiharu since the beginning but I still felt so bad for Ugetsu ;;; I get it, you know, I get it!! You know something is wrong and it hurts and you should let go, but letting things go is always gonna hurt!!! Mostly so when the choice is taken out of your hands, maybe you meant to let go anyway, maybe that was your choice too, but the fact that the timing for it was imposed on you, and how you definitely didn’t feel ready just yet, that hurts! It’s gonna make you grieve twice as hard and some part of your brain is gonna question if maybe you didn’t actually want to let go after all, but now’s done anyway!! Ahhhhhhh I feel it, I feel it, even though I’d been waiting for Akihiko to pick Haruki for ages I still cried sad tears thought that scene ;;; I really hope Ugetsu’s gonna get an happy ending of his own, whether it’ll be by himself or with someone else ;;;;;

As for how it influenced akiharu, I think if Ugetsu hadn’t been there - if Akihiko hadn’t been coming from his relationship with Ugetsu, that is, I wouldn’t have liked akiharu as much as I do! Haruki is... a very good man, isn’t he? And Akihiko doesn’t deserve half of him, but the genuine, open, selfless way in which he loves Aki, especially opposed to the whole mess that was Aki’s relationship with Ugetsu, it’s just... it’s well written. It’s really, really well written. Ugetsu and Haruki are obvious foils of each other, seeing them through Aki’s eyes makes all the differences even more striking, especially so considering the way at first Akihiko looks at Haruki trying to fit him in the way he’s known the world to work, with the giving only when you expect something in return and all that, and how understanding that Haruki just doesn’t fit in that mold changes him? Makes him grown and better himself? God, I love it, and hadn’t Ugetsu come right before Haruki maybe Aki wouldn’t have had such a skewed view of the world, and maybe without Ugetsu he’d have been happier sooner and wouldn’t have needed to rebild himself up from the ground just as much, but??? that’s exactly why I like it all!! why I like Aki and why I love his story with Haruki so much, the way how bad everything was before makes Haruki’s goodness so much more important! 

So yeah I definitely wouldn’t have liked their story half as much hadn’t Ugetsu come first, and I like Ugetsu anyway, so all in all from start to end I don’t mind anything in Aki’s story ;;;;

[vyxnilla]

Akihiko x Ugetsu

first loves are always so bittersweet. despite all the pain they have caused, this ship has a special place in my heart.

[oikwaa]

still… dawn is coming soon

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Not related to 19 days so you don't have to answer. but I'm curious to know what are your thoughts on given specifically about akihiko&ugets "relationship" and how they still were having that "relationship" even after the initial break up in highschool. and how it completely ended in chapter27. i think that it was heartbreaking but at the same time it was needed? If that makes sense

Good evening, dear anon-san! (_ _)

I’m so sorry I have kept you waiting this long. I needed to catch up on the manga to answer your question and then my inbox got suddenly filled with 19 Days asks and I thought I would go through a couple of them first. Again, I apologize for the wait. Thank you for your patience! (_ _) Also, I don’t mind questions about other stories than 19 Days at all! This was very refreshing and exciting.

My thoughts on Given and AkiUgetsu

I absolutely loved Given. I have read a lot of yaoi and shounen-ai works but I would have to say Given is the best BL I have come across. (The very close second would probably be Hodokeru Kaibutsu and Hadakeru Kaibutsu by  Ogeretsu Tanaka.) Given’s characters and relationships are complex, the development is well-paced and realistic, the premise is unique, and all of that is wrapped nicely in the blanket theme of music. The anime adaptation was great, too, and Mafuyu’s song ripped my poor heart to shreds.

Perhaps not surprisingly given my track record of the type of characters I tend to fall in love with, Ugetsu immediately became my favorite character. He was dark and a little twisted, insanely talented, beautiful and sensual. To me, Ugetsu was and still is the most complex and interesting character in Given. Also, as soon as it was clear his and Akihiko’s relationship status was very much in the realm of “it’s complicated”, AkiUgetsu became my OTP. I was instantly drawn to them as a couple. They stroked my need for dark, twisted, complicated, and dysfunctional so good.

My thoughts on the AkiUgetsu development

I think Akihiiko and Ugetsu’s relationship was sparked under unfortunate signs and was doomed to fail from the get-go. Mentally it was painful and violent right from the start.

Akihiko’s love was entwined with his envy for Ugetsu. He was drawn to Ugetsu but at the same time resented him. When faced by Ugetsu’s mass of prodigy talent, Akihiko felt defeated and gave up on the violin despite being fairly confident in his music prior to that. He loved Ugetsu and cared about him, but that love made him give up on his dreams and run away from challenges. Gradually, he lost sight of his passion for music. Even if the love was real for both of them, that is not the kind of foundation that could carry a happy relationship.

Ugetsu saw Akihiko slowly but surely lose his motivation and passion, too. I’m sure he just didn’t know what was causing it and he didn’t know how to help him.

He wanted to find a trigger that would spark a change in Akihiko and return him to how Ugetsu remembered him in the beginning. The thing is, though, I don’t think Ugetsu is a comforting character. He’s not the type who would stand in the sidelines cheering for Akihiko or have a heart-to-heart about his lost motivation. Akihiko’s attitude bothered him and made him sad but to me, it always looked like he didn’t think it was up to him to raise Akihiko’s spirits. No one but Akihiko himself could rekindle his passion and find the drive to improve. He didn’t want to see Akihiko’s half-hearted efforts and was pretty open about it. I’ve always felt like he thought Akihiko was settling for less and on some level, he looked down on Akihiko for playing the drums in a band.

What makes Ugetsu’s position heartbreaking is that I don’t think he saw it was him and their relationship that ultimately snuffed out Akihiko’s passion. Or that it was his talent that had planted that seed from the beginning. At least not in so many words. He came to realize the change and what had probably triggered it at the second live performance. Akihiko had found his new trigger and he had found it somewhere else than with Ugetsu. I don’t think any of that was Ugetsu’s fault, though. It wasn’t his fault that Akihiko gave up. Their relationship was just doomed from the beginning.

I think their first break-up in high school was what made Ugetsu’s such an interesting character to me. It spoke volumes of how complicated of a person he was. I think being in control and keeping a distance around himself is very important to Ugetsu. 

When Akihiko bought the mug and moved in, he breached Ugetsu’s sense of space and control. I’m sure his reaction to Akihiko’s gift surprised both of them, and Ugetsu felt bad for shattering the mug. It looked like his heart was torn in two directions. Later on, he got used to Akihiko’s presence, but I think the mug incident was a sign that Ugetsu needed the feeling of having a tight grip on his own priorities. He loved Akihiko but…

…his love for Akihiko ultimately distracted his love for music. Creating and playing music was who Ugetsu was as a person. It consumed him as a whole and having that kind of single-track mind was Ugetsu’s lifeline. Anything or anyone disturbing it made him feel uneasy and like he wasn’t in control of his own feelings and freedom anymore. Because he loved Akihiko, he became something Ugetsu started to chase instead of music. Ugetsu chases big emotions in his music but his love for Akihiko was threatening to come in the way of that by occupying his mind with something else.

I don’t know if I’m projecting too much but I resonate with that feeling. When I get into something, it quickly becomes my passion and drives my ambitions. I become obsessed and consumed and feel like other interests threaten my relationship with that special thing. They threaten my sense of “control”, so I push them away. I make a choice to not follow some other paths next to what I’m interested in, and I feel like that was going on with Ugetsu when he decided to break up with Akihiko the first time. That, and he could see Akihiko’s passion for music slowly withering away next to him.

But instead of separating completely, they stayed as “roommates” and fell into this back-and-forth of a relationship that was painful for both of them. Neither of them was able to pull the plug on their relationship. They were unable to let go but hurt each other by staying together.

They weren’t just roommates even after breaking up. Their relationship had become stale and repetitive - a painful cycle of both their good and bad times going around over and over again. After being apart for a while, they reminisced what they loved about each other but soon after, Ugetsu would find a new man which painfully crashed Akihiko back to earth. It was like breaking up a hundred times instead of just once.

It seemed they also had sex occasionally after breaking up. Another thing that further complicated things.

I think the sex between them as “roommates” took a rather dark tone. Sex was about power and territory and a way for Akihiko to take his frustration out on something. As Ugetsu kept trying to push Akihiko away by sleeping with other guys, Akihiko had the growing need to assert his status and reclaim Ugetsu via sex. Seeing Ugetsu with others was painful, and the more it hurt, the more he tried to cling onto Ugetsu physically. And Ugetsu let him.

Before long, though, this whole cycle became suffocating for Akihiko. The place he had once cherished and felt like he belonged to had become a pit he couldn’t climb out of. He couldn’t get out and nothing from the outside could get in.

Again, I’m not blaming either of them for that. Or if I did, I would say they’re both guilty. Neither of them was able to take the final step despite seeing how much they were making each other suffer. Overall, AkiUgetsu has beautiful parallels to how Mafuyu was (and still is) struggling with letting go of Yuki’s ghost and moving on with the precious memories still in his heart.

As someone who loves Ugetsu to death, the buildup that eventually led to their final break-up was probably the most heartbreaking part for me. Firstly, there was the time Ugetsu waited for Akihiko to come home.

How distracted and pained Ugetsu was by Akihiko’s absence spoke volumes of how close to Ugetsu’s heart Akihiko had managed to nestle over the years. Despite their first break-up, he loved Akihiko to death, and to finally come face-to-face with the possibility that Akihiko wouldn’t come back must have felt like dying. Akihiko had seen parts of him that no one had probably ever seen before, and every one of those parts Akihiko had touched must have hurt.

I must admit, watching Ugetsu in so much pain while Akihiko was having fun with Haruki made me…angry. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Akihiko is the one needing to be saved and was helped by Haruki while Ugetsu had no one to catch him. It wasn’t fair that Ugetsu had become this suffocating thing for Akihiko despite loving him and someone Akihiko needed to get away from. So yeah, I was angry and bitter.

However, I want to stress that it was only because my heart was aching for Ugetsu. I don’t hate Akihiko for trying to break free from his suffocating pit and finding someone who can restore his breathing. I don’t hate him for wanting to see the fireworks again. I’ve been in his position in real life and know how freeing that time with Haruki must have felt. It was something he needed to do for himself. My frustration stems purely from my own bias for Ugetsu and how I relate to him. I don’t hate Akihiko, Haruki, AkiHaru, or think the author somehow wronged the characters. I think it was rather realistic how it all went down.

What broke my heart for Ugetsu the most was that he was essentially left behind. I always feel for those kinds of characters. Despite waiting for Akihiko to finally leave, Ugetsu still panics when Akihiko tells him he’s going to move out.

Ugetsu had tried to leave Akihiko many times and been waiting for him to let go of Ugetsu. But when the time finally came, it was as if Ugetsu’s instincts kicked in and he lashed out. He wanted to stop hurting Akihiko but not being with him hurt even more because it was a sudden surge of pain instead of a steady undertone, so his knee-jerk reaction was to protect himself from that. And it was painful to come to realize that Akihiko was the one walking away. He had found something outside their basement apartment that was giving him the courage to leave Ugetsu. I’m sure it all - the good and bad of their relationship - wrapped together in Ugetsu’s head, and to him, it felt like Akihiko was also walking away from how much he loved Ugetsu. It hurt, and he didn’t want to hear it. It was him about getting mad at the person finally doing something they both knew had to be done.

Before I continue, I want to thank you, dear anon-san. I had been putting off reading the chapter about their final teary goodbyes for the longest time, but your ask finally gave me the push to get it over with. I had always known they were going to break up and I had seen panels of it floating around, but that part had always been an emotionally wrecking hump in Given that I’ve been avoiding. So, thank you for ripping off the bandaid for me.

To my surprise, their goodbyes weren’t as painful as I had dreaded. It hurt my soul but it was painful in a different way than I had expected.

I could feel Ugetsu’s pain and bitterness in my teeth but also - and perhaps a bit surprisingly - Akihiko’s comfort for him despite what they were going through. He didn’t want Ugetsu to think that while Akihiko was walking away from him, it meant he hadn’t loved Ugetsu from the bottom of his heart. He had. He admired Ugetsu and cared about him, but their relationship was also partly why Akihiko’s own drive for music had been fading out. Akihiko had loved the violin more than anything and poured a lot of effort into it. And even though he was now playing a different instrument, he was never going to forget the violin or let that spark and passion, now rekindled, die out. He was going to keep at the violin but it was going to be to a different tune.

I think that’s comforting. I didn’t have the feeling of left behind for Ugetsu as strong in my heart anymore. Ugetsu’s love wasn’t poison but something that had made Akihiko very happy in the past. 

I also think it was very telling how Ugetsu still turned around to reach for Akihiko in the end.

It was that hard for him to let him go. Ugetsu feels big and deep, and his love for Akihiko was no different. I’ve always been grateful for Mafuyu and Ugetsu’s bonding. How Mafuyu had managed to affect Ugetsu was no doubt a big comfort in the turmoil of Akihiko leaving him. New dawns were breaking for both Ugetsu and Mafuyu, and it was scary and painful for both of them.

I was also comforted by how despite the pain AkiUgetsu had gone through, there had always been “music”. It had surrounded them in the enclosed cocoon of the basement apartment and allowed them to be just for each other. Over the years, it had soaked in all their good times, memories, and their love for each other. And after Akihiko left, Ugetsu wished that the music alone would always remain in the house.

In conclusion, despite how much I ship AkiUgetsu, I would agree that their break-up made sense and was needed in the story. They were both unhappy in the relationship, and I don’t know if there would ever have been a way to make them happy and content with each other. I believe they loved each other and they had a lot of happy times, but they were kind of heading towards a dead-end from the beginning. If Akihiko’s reaction to Ugetsu’s talent had been different or if they had found a solution by communication about their problems, they could have perhaps stayed together. But I don’t know if any of those changes in characters would have been possible while they were still around each other.

And yet, I ship them. I ship them to hell and back. They are very much my jam. I love Ugetsu’s sensual darkness and him being a little mischievous and twisted. I love how big his emotions are and the contrast they create with his seemingly distant and hard-to-approach demeanor. I would kill human people for his genuine smile. I love Akihiko’s big build and rough appearances. I love his possessiveness and strength. I love how Ugetsu gets under his skin sometimes. I love how he can be both gentle and forceful with Ugetsu. I love how he’s made Ugetsu feel like he can trust Akihiko. I love the angst of them loving each but also kind of bringing out the worst in each other. I love them creating their own little world in that basement where it’s only them and music.

I just love them. Also, I can’t wait for the movie to come out so I can have my AkiUgetsu heart ripped out of my chest in animation.

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san! (_ _) I hope it was worth the wait.

[shinymixedbag]

We can’t help but feel that Haruki is a side- characters. I’ve been acted in any social media forms specifically in insta and Twitter and you can see the big Given Accounts always posts about Ugetsu or Akiuge than Haruki. It’s so sad but I think they like Akiuge because they somehow the image of most bl manga stories like cool seme and beautiful uke. I stumbled with one comment and they didn’t see any chemistry with Akiharu and they don’t like Haruki, like what did he do for him to hate him!!!!

Babe, you gotta ignore things you don’t agree with. I know for a fact there are TONS of people that aren’t biased lil shits who love every character. It’s not necessary to hate on one character to love another. I feel sorry for those children who can’t appreciate and love everything about this story that they just HAVE to  spew bullshit and pick sides (no offence to children)

......I know I just said you gotta ignore stuff you don’t agree with..........

BUT WHO THE FUCK DARES TO SAY THIS ANGEL IS NOT BEAUTIFUL?!

FIGHT ME!! (ʘдʘ╬)

He’s beautiful. 

I’ll destroy anyone who disagrees with me on this (∩_∩)