#akaza: i killed 67 men with my bare fists because they poisoned my fiancee

[bookie-the-reading-junkie]

okay, I need to add more because this has very quickly taken over my brain.

In this AU, Tanjuro was never sick, so he just goes down to town like normal and gets held up. He asks if could stay at Saburo's house for the night as he knows it's dangerous to go up the mountain in the dark, much less with wild animals.

The next morning, he stumbles upon his family.

Now, this AU has to be kind of crack because otherwise it becomes angsty very quickly.

Tanjuro is very perceptive (he could also be Yoriichi's reincarnation) and so he definitely knows that a demon caused this, maybe even which one did.

Kie is the only one alive and like in canon, he brings her down part way before she attacks him. Giyuu tries to kill her and Tanjuro ain't having none of that.

Giyuu: don't you know that thing is a demon?

Tanjuro: how dare you insult my beautiful, wonderful wife like that!

Giyuu:....okay but she is a demon

Tanjuro: so? Anyway, you're a demon slayer right? Give me a sword and point me in the near direction of a trainer, I need to avenge my family. Kie is going to help me

Kie, now having regained some of her senses: mhmph!

Giyuu: I--my job is just to kill demons

Tanjuro, smiling in a very scary manner: listen buddy, i've had a pretty bad day and it's not even 10 am. Either you tell me where to where to get a sword and how to use it or I'm taking yours and going to figure it out myself. I don't condone stealing, but I'll make an except for the man who was about to kill my wife

Giyuu points him in the direction of a cultivator, frankly terrified for his life. Who is Tanjuro's cultivator? haven't figured that out, and it doesn't really matter because he uses the Hinokami Kagura instead. Either way, he finishes training and Final Selection in record time. He is utterly appalled by how young most of the people in the corps are. this will be a reoccurring thing.

Kie joins him on his speedrunning the story missions. Tanjuro is an absolute wife guy. He adores her. He doesn't want to subject her to being shoved in a box, that's undignified. Instead, she wears tons of layers and carries a parasol (and also doesn't wear a bamboo muzzle). She'll hit demons with her forehead so hard blood will spray and it would kill any human and he's just staring at her dreamily and saying "I love you so much honey".

The kamado children make occasional appearances to cheer on their parents killing demons.

Because Tanjuro is super OP and is constantly giving demons Yoriichi flavored PTSD, he basically speedruns through the story and the ranks. He becomes a Hashira (and yeah the timeline wouldn't work because many of the Hashira in canon wouldn't be hashira at that point, but this meant to be crack, so anything goes)

Once again he is utterly appalled by how old everyone is. He's in his late 30s, maybe early 40s. these are all babies. what do you mean you've been in the Corps for several years, you're 20. What do you mean that you're a hashira and a full time doctor, you're 18. what do you mean you got married to three people at 15. What do you mean you're 14 am I in some kind of hell

Ubuyashiki: please Tanjuro, do not worry yourself. I was four years old when I became head of the Corps--

Tanjuro: you were HOW MANY

Tanjuro starts hunting after muzan, with the occasional sidequest of dealing with shitty parents.

Tengen's father waking up in the middle of the night to see a man and woman sitting across from his bed smiling in a very scary way: haha I'm in danger

After the Mugen train arc (Akaza challenged Tanjuro and then getting a face full of Yoriichi PTSD, ran off confused) Tanjuro walks Rengoku back. Shinjuro immediately makes a bad impression on him from how he treats Kyojuro and Senjuro

Shinjuro: *gasps* you're a Sun Breather!

Tanjuro, cracking his knuckles: what about it? you're not going to be breathing for much longer

Kie in the shadow of a wall, holding her parasol like she's going to beat Shinjuro: mhmph!

Kyojuro and senjuro: I appreciate it, but it's really not necessary

Tanjuro doesn't really care all that much about the fact that he might be a reincarnation of Yoriichi. He's immensely grateful to the man for saving his ancestors and passing on the Hinokami Kagura but mostly he's like "neat! a way to kill Muzan easier"

the final arc comes around much sooner with a lot less causalities on the way and in the final arc

Tanjuro catches wind of Ubuyashiki's plan of exploding his wife and two oldest children along with him. Tanjuro has a little chat with him. Ubuyshiki's plan changes immediately

When he finally meets Muzan, all of the Kamado children cheer on their parents

Tanjiro and Nezuko: Yay! avenge us! I know you can do it!

Takeo, Hanako, and Shigeru: RIP OUT HIS SPINE! TEAR OUT HIS ORGANS! HEADBUTT HIS BRAIN INTO A SPATTER OF GOO

Rokuta: you've got this mommy and daddy!

annndddd that's all I have for now. feel free to add

I might have just come up with the best but cursed Demon Slayer Role Swap AU:

Tanjuro and Kie in place of Tanjiro and Nezuko