#aka just remaking an old post because i feel this too is accurate

[crystal-mouse]

when ur sensory overloaded but your family wants to go christmas shopping

[mask131]

Why the Time Bandits remake makes me feel an angry despair (4)

Alright, let's see what's ne... NOOOOH!

No! They are INTERACTING WITH THE GIANT? No!

Arrrg.

... The whole point of the giant was that they could NOT interact with him. Because he is a giant. As in... a literal, folkloric, legendary, mythical giant.

Because that's the Time of Legends sequence. And what is the point of the Time of Legends? Simple. As I said before, the whole movie is also the debunking of myths, and the Time of Legends is the ultimate proof of that.

When we hear of the "Time of Legends", it is described to us as this fabulous time of wonders and magic where wizars still walked the earth and where the most fabulous treasure in the world can be found. Just from hearing about it we think about some sort of grand, beautiful, epic fantasy land.

And instead we get... This.

A huge, barren, cloudy and misty desert, some sort of wasteland which could be out of a post-apocalypse. And all the team meets are just man-eating giants and ugly gibberish-speaking trolls, and vicious spider-women (well, that was in the deleted scene), and of course... the giant.

And with the character of the Giant, we have the actual legends and myths of giant being played straight. This is not a jolly good giant, this is not some Disney cartoon goofs, no! This is a gigantic, primordial, out-of-sea being that nobody expects and nobody knows where he comes from. It is a literal force of nature who just appears, and is completely uncaring of what surrounds him, crushing houses under his feet without even noticing it. It is a being too large, too big for any regular being to be able to interact with him - him yawning is LITERAL THUNDER. This is just accurately depicting the giants of old, as these inhuman titans, AND it is also a situation that requires the protagonists to be clever, to find a cunning solution, and to use their environment (the trick with the ogre's sleeping potion, something very typical of the fairytale-like logic they are thrown into).

So to have the Bandits interact with the Giant... I fear for the worst. In fact this Time of Legends looks WAY too sunny, and I am truly anxious at what they will do with the rest of the sequence... Plus, I guess the gag of the troll-house being completely crushed was cut out. Probably too "nasty" for these people...

They even removed the random tattoos. I don't think they could have offended anyone since they literaly meant nothing, and were just there to add to the weirdness and mystery of the giant - who clearly comes from the time of "myths" and "legends", aka things filled with symbols we do not understand us as modern viewers. The same way we do not understand why he has those weird tattoos or was under the boat. But anyway I gave up on the idea that this remake would bring anything original - all it does is water down the working material by literaly removing anything that made it weird or strange.

[aadhiskanmani]

As the title suggests this is my movie rec list.These are the films across industries and  stuff i feel needs more recognition and love. It is all a mixed Bag, Mixed Genres, Mixed reasons to suggest them right from the quality to acting to cinematography to story etc.. to critical acclaim Etc you get the picture. Now not all of them are like Blockbusters or like wah wah highly acclaimed though majority are but still i feel more people need to see them so do give a try. I love these films and i am proud of them so here it goes in no particular order.

p.s These are more recent films say last 2,3 yrs and the list doesn’t include films that are still in theatre like Uyaare, super deluxe,athrian,lucifer  etc 

Template is as follows the Titles include links with subs. Now they are msotly links for well known streaming giants so should not be an issue with majority but i will try to find and add alternate links too. Also will be adding lil synopsis detail of film and then in italics what i thought of it and why one should watch it just random thoughts kind of thing. we will see how far this will go because i have 30 titles approx to add LOL so i will have to break this post in parts and i might get lazy and forget to add my thoughts. we will see LOL

So Let’s Begin :)))

Part 1:( will break it in 10′s caz otherwise it is too much to post in one post )

Vikram Vedha |Tam | *R.Madhavan,Vijay Sethupathi:   Police officer Vikram is on the hunt to capture Vedha, a gangster. But when Vedha voluntarily surrenders himself, it challenges Vikram's perception of good and evil. [you should watch this one for it’s smart writing, superb characterization and wonderful performances, the intrigue factor keeps you hooked till the end and Not a trace of Maddy and Vijay in the Cgaracters of vikram and vedha they are truly those characters., Also i heard this one is in the process of getting remade in bollywood so watch it before it is ruined forever. IYKWIM... i will leave it at that because this isn’t the post for details on remake hehe

Geetha Govindham|Tel| *Vijay Devrakonda, Rashmika Mandanna: (the drive link will not open in the app from phones, use a PC):  A 25-year-old virgin searches for love. Super cute rom com and a feel good film. Music is really nice and basically a laugh riot or well i laughed a lot lol. 

Vada Chennai |Tam| *Dhanush,  Andrea Jeremiah,Aishwariya Rajesh |alt link |  A proficient carrom player sets foot in the world of crime and joins forces with local gangsters to settle their feuds. However, he decides to take them down when they plan to wipe out his locality. A perfect beginning to the triology,Truly enthralling, Truly an epic Gangster drama, it is built layer by layer and sucks you into the world of anbu and company right away. Dhanush is in his best form and andrea in her grey character is also surprsingly good. this gangster drama i actually loved like anything and this genre is really not something i enjoy mostly it has to be really good for me to enjoy it 

Njan Prakashan |Mal| *Fahadh Faasil,Sreenivasan |alt link|  Prakashan aka PR Akash is a typical Malayali man who aspires to lead a luxurious life without too much effort. As he tries to achieve this aim, a few insignificant figures walks into his life.

holds up a mirror to Society, simple,cynical, skeptical, thoroughly entertaining and teh one that makes you smile, also Fahadh plays the role of the guy we love to hate and then love so perfectly. but hey that is hardly a surprise i mean when is he not Excellent?.

Sairat| Marathi|* Rinku Rajguru, akash Thosar: {on netflix as well} Upper class Archie falls in love with a lower caste son of a fisherman, Parshya. Watch this one for it’s realistic approach and rawness. this one deals with a wide range of themes right from class system to the struggles of a young couple when they try to settle into a daily life to more dark themes such as honor killings but an epic film. it is so hard to explain in words how good it is and why one must watch this one. Just the honesty the passion of filmmaker shines + the music. one big thing about this film was how normal looking everyone  was they had realistic locations average looking cast but MAN THIS one makes you smile, laugh,cry, be sad, feel the pain like anything .the usp is the innocence of leads and the love story is so endearing Unfortunately this is also the original of dhadhak which isn’t even a speck of dust in terms of quality and basically rips everything that made sairat what it is from it and is a glossy totally non practical remake and devoid of any emotions + with terrible casting Loll.  Also this is my only Marathi entry on this list.

Ente Ummante Peru |Mal| Tovino thomas,Urvashi:| Alt link  The life and journey of Hameed to find his biological mother and how his life changes when Aisha comes into his life. Just Heartwarming would be my comment on it. this is again something one has to watch and experience to know why this one made it to the list. it is hilarious at times yet has some very tender moments. Tovino is a sweetheart as hameed and aisha amma is Lovesuper lovable and warm. this one just kinda engulfs you into it’s warmth. 

Majili |tel| *naga chaitanya, Samantha:  A former cricket player nursing his wounds of a failed relationship takes up the task of training his ex-lover's daughter and in the process discovers his feelings towards his wife and her unrequited love for him. I personally didn’t care for the first love story as it is very typical and clice But it is post the entry of sam where the film becomes worth making it to this list , simple and the one that makes you count your blessings and just be thankful to have someone who loves and supports you like sravani does for purna..  Chay and Sam’s chemistry is off he hook and they make it worth it totally. 

Arjun reddy| tel| shalini, VIjay devrakonda : alt link   Arjun Reddy (Vijay Deverakonda) is a Surgeon and the topper of the college. He falls in love with his junior, a Tulu girl (Shalini), who is four years younger to him. Due to some unfortunate incidents, they break up. How life takes them forward forms the rest of the story. A gamechanger in Telugu industry no wonder it has reached the cult status. it’s not like i haven’t been raving about it from past 3 days even more than before because the butchering in form of the remake hurts But wow What a revelation Mr Derakonda was in this and He rightfully won a Best actor award. Just Like sairat this one rises way above the script due to the acting of vijay and that honesty in the script and film making. idk it is hard to put in words for me but when you see these films you see how passionate the makers were while making them and the heart and soul they have put in the film just shows and touches you so hard.Now this one is 18+ so TW drugs, alcoholism and a lot on innuendos and banging hehe. BUT and i can’t emphasize enough IT IS WORTH EXPERIENCING IF YOU ARE A FILM LOVER. This is the one which leaves you in the undecided category or well it had left me in that do i love it? do i hate it? i was so confused until my rewatch and i have finally came to conclusion that i love it. this is like you can love me hate me but you can’t ignore me and it stays on your mind a lot longer then the 3 hrs runtime after you are done because you are in that wait what is my actual verdict hehe. Also i haven;t seen a more accurate depiction of a toxic relationship on desi screen where one is so obsessed and self centered that it becomes really hard to survive around him 

Thadam|tam| Arun vijay    The murder of a youngster creates confusion among a few cops when they find out that the one accused in the crime has a look-alike!.  Thadam has an intriguingly written flow of events that begin from the pre-interval point and the film maintains the suspense factor till the end. The lead actor is fab in his dual role it is hard to tell which one is which and who has actually done the crime but mind you int he beginning it is a little confusing as it keeps goign back and forth between the bg stories of 2 guys but the viewer isn’t told that it is actually dual role so i was like wait how come one min he is rich and in love with oen persona and next he is in slums doing thefts lol. anyway... 

Peranbu\Tam/Mal |*Mamooty  A story about a father who tries to understand the struggles of his disabled daughter Paapa. The plot highlights the journey of how he becomes a better man while he comes to terms with his child and her special needs. This one is Just purely about a father’s love for the child and how far a father can go for his child.

An Honorable mention to BAAHUBALI2 which requires no intro or anything from me to persuade one into watching it It is SELF EXPLANATORY.  

Phew OK i am calling it a day..... Part 2 will be posted soon... I am more then excited to  hear from you guys and your thoughts on these films plz do tag me if you post your reviews and your thoughts. i worked really hard on this so i will be more than excited to know if it was worth or no... I have so much more quality content in the queue and am super excited to share that with ya fellas..... it gives me great Joy to share the love for movies and a lot of satisfaction that all this FIlm nerd thing is coming to some use to others and i take a lot of pride in the fact that i am kind of is a film nerd hehe. Happy Viewing,,,,,,, 

[titleknown]

Abomination Foundry: Making Mine Marvel. Mine I Say! MINE!

EXCELSIOR TRUE BELIEVERS!

I’m stuck here in the middle of Earth-404 by the horrible nightmare of Marvel’s existential collapse, and I’ve decided to make gross moldy lemons to make bitter unpleasant lemonade by remaking the ALL NEW, ALL STUPID MARVEL UNIVERSE, copyright-law be damned! Though the names will be changed because copyright law deserves to be damned.

This will be done in Heromachine, the dollmaker-bane of Open Source Character Design but good for aesthetic shitposting!

Alright, let’s go, past the jump!

So, what is the first being in the Marvel Universe? Galactus of course!

Yes look it up if you don’t believe me, they were the first, made from a being from the previous universe who jumped into the Big Crunch and was told “Sorry, your universe is ending, but hey to make up for it here’s some cool Cosmic Vore powers!”

And, as a being from the end of the last universe, I figured any not-Galactus should be an advanced being! And what is more advanced than the deadly King Cobra? NOTHING! NOTHING I SAY! And since she’s a being that A) Mainly travels through space and B) Eats everything, I figured all she needs is head, arms to bring food towards head, and lots and lots of rockets!

I call her King Kirby, because lord knows Jack Kirby deserves more credit in our ALL NEW; ALL DIFFERENT MARVEL UNIVERSE! And yes, our not-Galactus is a girl now. They’re all girls now. EAT ME!

It’s said that the two main American artforms are rock-n-roll and comics, and since we’re already working on the latter, I think an updated Captain American deserves the former!

Meet Captain Rock-N-Roll, given AWESOME JUICE created by the only scientist awesome enough to create a soldier with the power of rock-n-roll several decades before rock-n-roll was invented to beat the living FUCK out of some nazis!

Then suddenly some asshole comic book writer whose name rimes with Sick Nencer came through time to try and change things so the Nazis won. The scientist was so busy punching him super hard in the dick that he didn’t notice his lab was on fire, and thusly only one copy of the AWESOME JUICE survived. It was given to a black woman because it was the only one it’d work on and also because it’d be really stupid and terrible if a white dude was the first rock-n-roll powered hero.

She was frozen post-World-War-II via being too cool for this world, but punched her way out out of sheer rage when post-Grunge was invented because FUCK POST-GRUNGE! She not only has all the peak-human abilities of classic-Cap, but also a shield with speakers that turn her HOT LICKS into defending/deadly soundwaves. And an also a guitar-gun because ROCK-N-ROLL MOTHERFUCKERS!

Okay, so Iron Man AKA Captain Privelege is a rich dude, and I think we can all agree FUCK RICH DUDES!

So our newest Iron Man would be poor as shit; a homeless lady sleeping in a junkyard that collapsed into the earth in an earthquake and saying FUCK THIS and building herself a robot-suit out of the crap she was trapped under.

Since she made it IN A CAVE-IN, WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS, I thought it should look like it; like junk that can punch you.

Hence her name, Junk Puncher. I see no alternate meanings to this that are comical or clever.

And boo hoo, Tony Stark has a heart problem, FUCK THAT! She lost her FUCKING LEGS in that cave in and replaced them with FUCKING SWEET ROBOT-LEGS! Which is also why she doesn’t have a secret-identity because YOU CAN’T HAVE A SECRET IDENTITY WITH FUCKIN SWEET ROBO-LEGS!

Okay, much like the Marvel Cinematic Universe I had almost no idea what the fuck to do with Hulk here, until I thought, The Hulk is based on id run rampant? So what’s a primally indulgent aesthetic filled with id run rampant? Furries!

Thusly, Yiff Hulk was born! Or Yiff for copyright-dodging short. She’s purple because the Hulk became green instead of grey due to printing grey in old comics being a massive pain in the dick; so I chose what is currently the most obnoxious color to print. Because RESPECT!

Her origin’s pretty much the same as regular-Hulk complete with traumatic childhood abuse by a shitty father except she was a huge furry beforehand. And also that her adventures are also very, very not safe for the Comics Code Authority. For obvious reasons.

For Hawkeye, the shitty Avenger nobody likes, I decided; you know what would make them more interesting? Being an actual hawk. And fuck that useless “arrows” bullshit, this is the 21st century, give her some big fuckin guns already! Call ‘em fuckin Gunbird!

This is likely even less faithful to the original character than everything else I’ve done, but the best part of it is, nobody gives enough of a shit about Hawkeye to care! Fuck that guy!

Oh. I had intended to make a Black Widow revamp, but this is just a Perfectly Normal Secret Agent Lady, who is definitely not thens of thousands of spiders in a trenchcoat lead by a singular “queen,” because the Russians did all sorts of wacky bullshit during the cold war. I don’t know what happened, but she turned out thoroughly unremarkable, so MOVING ALONG!

You know, in revamping Spider-Man, folks almost always go Cronenberg-style body-horror because spider or robots because Japan, but NOBODY’S DONE BOTH BEFORE, HAVE THEY?!

So, Petit Parnell-Ko was bitten by a radioactive robot spider, and through the power of NANOMACHINES SON she became an arthropod/robot abomination. All those guns shoot webbing, both in the “biologically-accurate” and the “not-gross” positions, and after her Aunt Benni died due to a  deranged pro-wrestler she let pass, she realized “With great screaming body-horror powers comes great; horrifying responsibility” And thusly; Nightmareborg Hellspider was born!

You fuckin’ thought High School was bad? Well, it is, but it’s even worse when you’re a BIOMECHANICAL SPIDER NIGHTMARE, NO BULLSHIT SECRET IDENTITIES WE DEAL WITH PROBLEMS LIKE PROPER SCIENCE-ABOMINATIONS!

And yes she does get a robot, which by sheer coincidence is from space. Which I need to make in a later one of these.

And; finally, re-inventing Thor or Loki is kinda needless given they’re already public domain, albeit Thor would have to be more red-haired and muscular-Brian-Blessed-y. But you know who isn’t? Beta-Ray Bill.

If you don’t know who that is; it’s basically a fucked-up atheist space-horse-alien who yoinked Thor’s hammer to save his world, being one of the very few beings pure of heart enough to carry it, and who did such a good job that Odin made him his own hammer. Because comics are fucking awesome sometimes.

So, I made Gamma-Ray Guen, who is pretty similar in terms of backstory except I added more horse. And more cyborg. And instead of a hammer she gets the magical staff Spacebreaker/Brestaginnung because ODIN HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT THESE THINGS, OKAY!

So, that’s all I did today, but I will make some villains, eventually! Or the X-Men or Fantastic Four I couldn’t be arsed to do. But first, I must go to do other things! Like working on the novella I am terrible about writing! Or probably something else!

And remember, while the exact images are the property of the Dollmaker-makers, the designs and concepts are free to use under a CC-BY license; with me Thomas F. Johnson credited as creator and the pics declared as a decent starting point!

Feel free to redesign/redraw them as done by an actual unique stylist not working with pre-made assets! Until then EXCELSIOR!

[ciathyzareposts]

Game 121: Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist (1993): Introduction

by Alex

Hello there, dear The Adventure Gamer family. I am back after a long absence to review another game, and another Al Lowe game, but this time it’s not an entry in the Leisure Suit Larry series. No, I’m leaving my polyester pal behind and traveling to the old west to play Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist, Mr. Lowe and co.’s 1993 outing in the Sierra adventure game library. There was a CD-ROM version (more on this later), with voices and everything, released in 1994, but I’m playing the DOS version, mainly because I’m not a huge fan of CD-ROM games.

1993 is smack in the middle of the golden age of Sierra adventure games, which I contend lasted until 1996. You might disagree with me, and I’m sure will let me know in the comments below, but that’s what makes life interesting, right? And we all need a little adventure, uncertainty, and chaos in our lives right about now.

Well actually, no. I certainly don’t! Thankfully, I live out in the middle of nowhere, USA, where nothing happens and we like it like that, but life has certainly been adventurous, uncertain, and chaotic enough for me and my family, thank you very much! We’re all fine, and I hope you are too. But with civil society is crumbling all around me, there’s nothing better to do than fire up an old adventure game and blog about it. So here we go.

The last game I blogged about for The Adventure Gamer was Quest for Glory III: Wages of War back in 2018. In the interim, my wife and I had another child, started a business, and I’ve published two novels, with another novel and a non-fiction book set to publish before the year is up. Plus, I got to meet Joe Pranevich in person, which was really cool. But how many adventure games did I play during this time? With the exception of the first two Quest for Glory games with my son, zero. So I’ve been busy. If both my adventure gaming prowess and my writing are rusty, please bear with me as I play myself back into shape.

Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist—and I’m sorry, every time I hear the name Pharkas all I can think of is Scott Farkus, the bully who tormented Ralphie, his brother, and their friends in A Christmas Story.

This guy.

Anyway, Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist is Al Lowe’s homage to comedy westerns a la Mel Brooks’s popular 1974 comedy Blazing Saddles. Would you believe I have never seen Blazing Saddles? I know Gene Wilder’s in it, there’s a gigantic Indian named Mongo that punches his horse, that Cleavon Little’s character gets called the N-word a lot (which means this movie is probably not long for this world), and that the central bit of humor is a gigantic fart joke.

Al Lowe

So, yes, no wonder Al Lowe wanted to make his own version of it. That sort of humor is right up Lowe’s alley. I didn’t intend that to sound dirty, but since we’re talking about an Al Lowe game, all of our minds immediately went to the gutter (don’t lie).

But Lowe wasn’t alone! Oh no, Lowe designed Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist (I’m calling it FPFP from now on because the full title is a real mouthful (fingerful?) to keep on typing) with Josh Mandel. If the name sounds familiar, it’s because he worked on many Sierra games either as a producer, designer, writer, voice actor, artist, or some combination of those roles. Which games? How about Space Quest 6, The Dagger of Amon Ra, King’s Quest V and VI, and EcoQuest: The Search for Cetus. Mandel worked for other companies afterwards, such as Take-Two Interactive and Mattell, but he also lent his voice talents to the fan remakes of the first three King’s Quest games, reunited with Al Lowe on 2013’s Leisure Suit Larry: reloaded, and was a writer on Quest for Glory designer (and sometimes TAG commenter) Lori and Corey Cole’s Quest for Glory quasi-reboot Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption. He was also the model for the coroner in Police Quest III: The Kindred, but the less said about that game, the better.

Josh Mandel

I also think he might like fart jokes.

Before firing up the game, let’s take a look at the manual.

Titled The Modern Day Book of Health and Hygiene, 1881 edition, the manual is presented like an old-time medical—some might say “pseudo-medicine” almanac written by one Hyman J. Lipschitz, M.D., the President of Phrenologists for Health, Enervating Elixers, Longevity, and Mental Energy, aka (sigh) PHEELME.

This guidebook also has a pretty humorous disclaimer on page two:

Note to those people who might think a parody of a quack remedy guide that pretends to be from the 19th Century could really contain factual information but are too stupid to read disclaimers such as this anyway: The information contained herein is absolute and utter balderdash, provided by Sierra On-Line, Inc. for your Entertainment ONLY and to provide information and clues for FREDDY PHARKAS, FRONTIER PHARMACIST. Do not take the medications we prescribe. Do not apply the balms and liniments we describe. Do not attempt the procedures we outline. Do not believe that Manual Labor is still the President of Mexico. Nothing within this pamphlet is accurate and truthful, to the best of our ability. We are being entirely facetious. Do not, repeat DO NOT, use this documentation as a real medical guide! It’s a joke! Okay? Get it?

We get it, Al and Josh, we do. Also: the president of Mexico being named Manual Labor is a precursor to the horrible/awesome name puns that pervade this game.

Anyway, this isn’t so much an instruction booklet on how-to-play, but what I’m assuming is a very elaborate form of copy protection. You see, Part 1, the Pharmacopoeia, describes various chemicals that can be used as medicines, and in some cases, how to make them. They are sometimes funny, and clearly some entries are there just for laughs, but I’m getting serious King’s Quest III vibes from this whole thing.

Excerpt from the Pharmacopoeia

Part 2 features “home procedures” for things like acne, broken bones, and constipation (no coronavirus though). There’s also a (sigh) flatulence spectrometer, where the doctor is advised to catch fart gas in a paper bag or something and burn it in a spectroscope to figure out the exact chemical compound of what is causing the patient to have the vapors. Things like lentils, apples ‘n brown sugar-cinnamon, and meaty by-products, along with the cure. This is the level of humor we’re dealing with, people. It’s an Al Lowe game, what should I expect?

Actually, the manual is pretty funny, full of the dry, straight-faced humor we’ve come to expect from Mr. Lowe, and the kind of humor I actually get a kick out of. It reminds me of Mad Magazine, where the humor is stupid and low-brow, but an intelligent kind of stupid and low-brow. You know what I mean, right?

In any event, it’s time to start this game up.

Hello, old friend.

The familiar Sierra fanfare and accompanying logo always give me all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings, as does the sound and graphical style of the title screen, and I’m particularly excited to delve into Freddy Pharkas (wait, that didn’t come out right . . .) since I’ve never played this game. That’s right! Other than reading about this in Sierra’s InterACTION magazine (Sierra’s version of Nintendo Power) when I was a kid, I have no experience whatsoever with FPFP. I’m playing this blind, and have been looking forward to this for quite some time.

This issue right here—I wish I still had it, but scans of it are available at Al’s site

I decide to check out the game’s prologue, and am treated to a well-written and well-composed Western ballad detailing the life of one former famous gunslinger Freddy Pharkas and how he came to be a one-eared pharmacist in the frontier town of Coarsegold, California, a real town near Sierra’s actual location in Oakhurst, California. Coarsegold was apparently also the setting for Sierra’s 1981 On-Line Adventure #3: Cranston Manor, which TAG reviewer Joe Pranevich is yet to review.

The ballad is quite good and humorous while packing in a lot of backstory (kind of like this post). Al Lowe wrote the music—although future Quest for Glory IV composer Aubrey Hodges is the main composer for this game—and Lowe and Mandel both wrote the lyrics. I’ve reprinted the lyrics below so you understand the game’s premise, interspersed with screenshots from the intro (follow the bouncing ball!)

He was born in old St Louie, By the age of four Dad knew he was the Best little crackshot the West had ever seen. By the time he reached pubescence, He could outshoot all the adolescents West of Durango and north of Abilene.

Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas. Famous gunslingin’ deputy. Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas, Frontier hero-to-be.

Then one day young Freddy Pharkas Stared at eyes as black and dark as night, the Eyes of an outlaw, well-known throughout the West. Oh, the tough kid’s name was Kenny, And he outdrew Freddy Pharkas, when he Shot Freddy’s ear off to prove who was the best.

Now our hero, Freddy Pharkas, With wounded pride and earless carcass, Vowed to the heavens to give up gunnery. He’d be better off, he reckoned, With the lifelong dream that always beckoned: Pestles, not pistols, and pharmacology.

Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas, Highest score on his S.A.T., Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas. Five-year college degree.

After Fred matriculated, Got his Ph.D. and graduated, Moved out to Coarsegold and bought a pharmacy. He’s a real prescription writer, And they don’t know he’s an ex-gunfighter, Locked up his mem’ries, repressed them totally.

But his peaceful new survival Soon was shot to hell upon arrival Of Coarsegold’s schoolmarm, the sweet Penelope. She has captured Fred’s affection, But he’s scared he’ll get a huge …rejection, Can’t bear to tell her just what he used to be.

Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas. Frontier Pharmacist bourgeoisie, Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas. Peerless, earless, and free!

The CD-ROM version is apparently sung by Al Lowe himself, because as he describes on his website, everyone thought he had a “funny voice.” You can read all about it, and listen to the ballad, here.

Act I then begins, making me think this game is going to be chapter-based, and you are taken to Coarsegold’s main street as someone is boarding up a building, where a toothless old coot named Whittlin’ Willy starts to tell you all about ol’ Freddy.

Nope, not sitting on your lap. Not getting anywhere NEAR that lap, thanks.

I gain control of Freddy and check the interface. The standard Sierra point-and-click icons are there (Walk, Look, Action, Speak, Inventory), and I take a moment to click the Action icon on various things, which may-or-may-not have included Freddy’s man-region.

I mean, it’s an Al Lowe game. I kind of had to.

There are no surprises, which works for me as this interface generally works really well. In my inventory I only have the key to Freddy’s pharmacy. I’m looking forward to inventory gags, as Al Lowe’s Leisure Suit Larry V was full of humorous messages—each unique!—when you clicked any item on any other item in your inventory. I hope this attention to detail, and bad jokes, carries over to FPFP.

And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that there is a (sigh) Golden Balls Saloon.

This humor style, of course, is par for the course and I don’t view it as a negative per se. I groan and cringe at these kinds of jokes, but I actually like them. They’re generally harmless and Al always seemed like a good guy who just like getting a few yuks out of gamers.

Here he is, describing the inspiration for FPFP:

“In 1992, I noticed that there wasn’t a single Western computer game, even though Western movies had been popular off and on for years. But I wanted to make a humorous Western. What sort of Western could be funny? While discussing this with Roberta Williams, I started to say ‘farmer’ but my mouth tried to say ‘rancher’ and out came a tangled mess that kind of sounded like, ‘farmer-cist.’ Hey! A pharmacist? Why not? Thus was born Freddy Pharkas, Frontier Pharmacist!

I think it may well be my funniest game, due in great part to the wit of Josh Mandel. Computer Gaming World called it ‘The Blazing Saddles of computer games’ (see box cover below) which I considered perfect praise since that movie was my inspiration.”

Funniest gmae, huh? I sure hope so! Leisure Suit Larry has its moments, but nothing is really laugh out loud funny. Maybe FPFP will be. We’ll see!

I have high hopes reading this bit of trivia from Josh Mandel:

“Mandel had explained in a commentary the reason why there were so many more jokes in the Floppy Disk version as compared to the CD-ROM version of the game, ‘I had co-designed, directed, produced, and written the floppy version; there were no plans at all, at the time, to produce a CD version. When sales of the floppy version justified a CD version, I was no longer available to produce and direct it, having by then started on SQ6. Al Lowe was then tapped to do the casting and recording of the CD version, but the game already had so much text in it that, when it came time to record the inventory text, Al just stopped—he was, he said, tired of sitting in the sound studio. As I had written the vast majority of the game’s text and dialogue, I pointed out to him that, in the process of cutting roughly 15% of the game’s text from the recording, he’d not only left out many jokes, but many clues and hints as well.’”

And like I said, I’m playing the DOS version, so not only will I not be missing out on “clues and hints,” I’ll be getting all the jokes as well. Oh boy!

Mind you, I have no clue what the plot is, but I’m eager to hop in and see what Coarsegold has to offer. If there are references I don’t get in my posts, please let me know. I’m a medium-sized Western fan. I love the idea and image and aesthetic of cowboys and the American west, I’ve seen several John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies, and I have some Louis L’Amour paperbacks I need to get around to reading, but I’m no expert or connoisseur of the Western genre. Then again, I’m no expert or connoisseur of the adventure game genre and that doesn’t stop me from writing about, so maybe I have nothing to worry about.

Anyway, time to saddle up and play. See you next time, pardner! Yee haw, yippie-ki-yi-yay, and all that jazz.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/game-121-freddy-pharkas-frontier-pharmacist-1993-introduction/