#ain’t he spooky looking :0

[fishing4trash]

Don’t really know anything about HorrorTale, but I love the designs so I drew sans!

[cheese-water]

This is going to be chronological order OG only chronicle o tweets on Twitter or x or whatever the heck is up w/ that.

It is set in 1900s ish july. It mentions a ‘She’ im assuming is a therapist of some sort. The writer most likely is mentally ill or something and is told to write thoughts down to help. 

Bro has trauma wtf when did this happen?? Glances, phrases, remarks, notes. Do not understand situation is better shown than told probably some type of trauma honestly. Family and dog: you know they are already fucking dead though, come on you know ain’t no way they survive this. Will not forget bad things bad things probably life changing is worst way possible or something.

J maybe therapist?? Then bizarre dream tf is up with this kids mind tho-?? AND IT MEANS CYCLE?? like timeloop cycle, history repeating cycle, which we talking about??

Oh yeah shitty manager. I’ve been analyzing these and I’ve read that at least 20 times. 20 times of a fictional character complaining about their fictional boss tf is my life?

Spoopi dream and oh hey same hall and doors each time and the other dream meant cycle that’s just lovely!1!!1 

The XXXX might be Mary and Mary might be the actual expert/therapist person? It implies Mary is the one who suggested person to write(?)

“Why can’t I be in control of everything” DAMN WRITER OK RELATABLE K THATS FINE OK also please throw the vcr out the window especially if it’s more than a 1 story building, please.

Happy birthday :DD ayyy fucked ver of happy birthday that’s cooool and we trust J :] oh yeah shit work place for like the 5th time dear god

ok therory also summarize things:

Writer(which is going to be referred to as 0), most likely (knowing Ranboo) is traumatized, and is getting some form of therapy. His therapist (I HOPE IS) Mary suggested he should write his thought down to help. At first 0 hated it, but overtime it did help a lot. A friend J told 0 to write is absolutely obscure dreams down. 0 does as 0 trusts J quite a bit even lets J read the journal entries. J is into supernatural and “crazy” things (same) and tells 0 that 0(bro idk pronouns im sorry) is reliving things that 0 might have repressed or something possibly trauma. 0 works at a very bad place with a horrible manager. 2 more spooky dreams later and oh, 0 still complaining about job. Creepy birthday song and wow I’m done with thing more than a month long project. this was so long and a lot of stuff was very cut down omg I’m tired I’m going to sleep buh bye

-☁︎���

P.S hi started school uh yeah hope your doing well :]

We love J for actually listening to 0’s dreams. They’re a real one fr. That being said, knowing Ranboo, I’m fully expecting J to be the one who traumatized and/or killed 0’s family in the end. Another Hetch situation y’know? Really though, what friend would look at your dream journal and say, "Oh yeah, that’s prolly some repressed trauma for you," like? I’ve had my fair share of strange dreams, but my immediate thoughts don’t go to deep-rooted trauma (I wouldn’t know it’s literally repressed, I guess?).

*intermission for me to read the tweets since I found a good twit front end on github a few weeks back B)*

Oh… oh no. Here we go again. If I had a nickel for every time Ranboo created a character who had to write their thoughts in a journal to cope with their repressed traumas and memory issues, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. No, but really, this post solidified it for me:

The obvious is, "I dont think ill be forgetting those." Clearly, this is an important list of things to remember, and judging by the constant work reminders, Zero (I have to give them some sort of name) uses this journal as a way to help/cope with their forgetfulness and it’s been working so far.

What’s listed in the Good Things list is strange. Most notably the second one, "My dog." ???? My dog????? Who the hell in a supposedly personal journal doesn’t call their dog by their name? If it’s for the reader's sake, that doesn’t make sense either. It could’ve been a classic dog name (à la Spot, Rover, etc.) or, even better, have the name written after my dog: My dog Lola or My dog Winston. I may be overthinking this, but it’s such a strange detail to include with the introduction of Zero’s memory issues in the exact same post. Because all that implies is that Zero’s memory has already been degrading, with or without their knowledge.

Also, I'm not sure how or why we were even getting chronicle 0 in the first place. Is it like some sort of time paradox relating to Zero’s dreams? My best theory is that someone in 2023 (right now) found the journal and is literally chronicling/recording it online for others. This would explain the redacted words in the tweets, since they wouldn’t be if they were posted by Zero's thoughts themselves. And it gives new meaning to the random "?" posts. Maybe the page scanner couldn’t translate what was written down? Or was there nothing written there at all?

All I’m sure of is that whatever was on those "?" pages, those are the pages Jay has been writing on. Which quick aside, WTF JAY!? Why the hell are you writing in someone else’s therapy journal when you know they have memory problems? Who do you think Zero will assume wrote that down? Their nameless dog? NO ZERO MUST OF CAUSE ITS THEIRS. I don’t care if Zero trusts you because you're their childhood best friend or partner or whatever, but to me, you’re extremely misguided at best and suspicious and manipulative at worst. Anyway, assuming the "?" pages are Jay's, either their handwriting is less legible than Zero’s (or at least visually distinct enough that whoever’s tweeting these out can tell the difference from other pages or entries), or they’re some sort of drawing. Of what I’m not sure.

But back to the why: Someone found Zero’s journal and began posting pages of it because either they find it fascinating and unnerving (the reasonable solution) or (the flimsier, weirder solution) the account is the beginnings of an autobiographical journal-book about Zero if they actually did or experienced something notable in their future (for example, the style of Anne Frank’s journals). Imagine Showfall, or *insert Gen 0 capitalistic conglomerate here* publishing "The Story of Chronicle 0: How The Founder Found Their Way." It would be if Disney got ahold of Walt’s childhood diaries and sold them as a collector’s item. It’s so strange and wrong to do, but we all know it’d make bank. Plus, it feeds into the intrusive/changing perception theme from Gen 1 if Ranboo wants to continue that thread. Once again, grain of salt, spitballing, yadda yadda, this is getting interesting, and I haven’t even touched the dreams yet lmao.

[sbpstudios]

Rating the TMA fears by how much they freak me out

the Buried: on one hand weighted blankets are not enough, i need the hydraulic press. and also i like dirt and my job is literally being a rock dealer. on the other hand the thought of getting stuck freaks me out. i once got my knee stuck in the railing waiting in like for a roller coaster and i panicked so bad. also on the not literal side, i have bad money anxiety. so like- it's a sometimes fear. 5/10.

the Corruption: i hate ants i hate ants i hate ants SO fucking much every time i see a bunch of them my skin crawls and i can FEEL them under my skin and any time a ant gets on me it takes hours too not feel it on my skin anymore. 8/10 FUCK ants.

the Dark: the dark itself isn't a problem for me. it's just my anxiety sees darkness as a chance too kick my ass with existential dread. 4/10.

the Desolation: the desolation doesn't really spark much fear into me. i suppose i wouldn't like being hurt or my shit being destroyed but i don't exactly FEAR it. 2/10.

the End: 10/10.

the Eye: you ain't scary bitch. 0/10.

the Flesh: i thought i didn't fear the flesh until i had too look up organ references so i can Know Textures and then i felt actually sick looking at this shit. 6/10.

the Hunt: the reason i don't play a lot of horror games is because i do NOT take being pursued well. i played Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion once for a twitch stream and i felt like i was gonna pass out right then and there. but also i’m a monster fucker and the Hunt is the sexiest fear so- 7/10.

the Lonely: i suppose too some extent? being lone would not be ideal. a lot of times when i lived away from people where like, my only friends were online, i was SUPER depressed. currently living in a place where i can go places and talk too people in the flesh who aren't my family has done GREAT things for my mental health. and i suppose i do fear losing my online friends. the fear of them not liking me anymore and then leaving. 8/10.

the Slaughter: i'm a very queer person living in the midwest i always have some fear of getting my ass beat. and there's been plenty of times where i've feared violence. but also the Slaughter is the second sexiest fear only because of Melanie King. 7/10.

the Spiral: one time my boss pointed out that the door too the shop was still locked even tho i could have sworn i unlocked it and it caused me distress for the rest of the day. i always half joke that i wouldn't be surprised if i started hallucinating but i think realistically i would be just a touch freaked out if i really did. 7/10.

the Stranger: the first sexiest fear because my bf is a self proclaimed avatar of the Stranger and he's the sexiest man alive. 5/10.

the Vast: this one gets me both because ever since i broke my arm i've had a fear of falling and also because i suffer from existential dread. on the other hand i love the feeling of the wind screaming in my ear and the way my face and hands sting and tingle after being assaulted by the air rushing past me.  9/10.

the Web: ???/10.

[argylepiratewd]

For the writer meme: 3, 8, 12

I think this is the right meme? It's been a while. Sorry. 😅

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

My brain is a contrary asshole. I fear that the minute I name one, I will doom myself. 😔

12. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Are you truly so willing to die for this man, Lionel Fusco?"

Lionel can't help himself—he laughs again. "You think you're the first big and sinister dirtbag who's told me I'm gonna die? You ain't even the first one this week. Shit, you ain't even the first one today.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm willing to die for him—him and Wonderboy. I put my ass on the line every day for worse scumbags than Glasses. And I'd wager that makes me a much braver guy than you'll ever be, you shadowy piece of garbage. Look at you—hiding out here in the woods, not even showing your face. You're gonna kill me, and I don't even know what you look like, you pathetic little fuck."

The air drops ten, twenty degrees, the thing's wrath getting colder and colder. Lionel's just gets hotter.

"You know something?" he says. "I figured out a long time ago who to respect and who not to. And you know who I don't respect? I got no respect for the guys who tell me they're gonna kill me and won't look me in the eyes when they do it. So you can either get your ass out of my body and show yourself and look me in the eyes when you take me out, or you can fuck off and leave us alone, 'cause we're way past sick of your crap."

"We do not like to be seen," the thing says.

"Yeah? And I don't like near-death-experiences, so I guess we're pretty even, huh."

From Seeing Things, a fic where Fusco, Finch, and Reese are in some spooky woods. Fusco has had it with the spooky monster's crap. And, IDK, maybe I got Fusco right (though there might be a little too much profanity idk)? But him confronting a LORGE spoopy entity that's much bigger than him and much more powerful than him to save his two weird buddies and himself is just fun, and I had a lot of fun writing that.

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

Return 0. I don't like it. I've only managed to watch it once. But I keep writing fix-it after fix-it after fix-it, so...

[skeletonsloverockcandy]

TMA Spoilers for the new episode: liveblog reaction

New Magnus episode!!!!

Oooo Jon reading Martin’s head without his permission he in troubleeeeeee

“You could feel it??”

Jon repressed emotion boi

“I share” (since when??)

“I feel sad” (omg Jon you’re so emotionally constipated)

“Point taken” (Jon it physically pains me to hear you try and fail to describe your emotions)

“I will refrain from Knowing anything about you...unless you’re in danger” awww :’)

“Physical danger” haha yeah Martin, Jon shouldn’t use his powers to win all arguments lol

“Fine, agreed” oof sounding a lil salty there Jon

🕸ANNABELLE CANE🕷

“Curse this flesh prison!” 😂😂😂

“My flesh prison would like to stop for a bit”

I know they’re bickering in the beginning of the episode, but they’re just so cute I can’t, even though the conversation topic ain’t even that cute.

Oop Jon statement time. Looking into Gertrude this time.

Now he’s just sitting and telling Martin a story, kinda weird with how he’s just Knowing all this stuff. Not surprising, just weird.

Imma sit down and get cozy while I listen to the statement.

Oop, sounds like Jon had the “curiosity” sickness, that Fiona had.

Emma wtf was wrong with you???

MICHEAL

Emma is the web y’all

I’m just imagining Martin sitting all cozy for weird psychic boyfriend spooky story time.

Like him like :/ then :0 then :(

Emma stop letting people get murdered

Agnes?? Oop, cause the web y’all,,,they Connected✨

Dang Gertrude, ruthless

Jon: aw shoot, I did it again didn’t I??

OH SHOOT

“I couldn’t not listen, or interrupt”

:(((

Martin....

“I didn’t know I was going to do that”

“Let’s try to avoid that next time”

Oof “I think this would have broken her”

“We all have a domain Martin, the place that feeds us.”

“Oh..”

That’s a good point Martin, “where’s yours?” Oh the tower, right.

“What about me?” 👀 I’m curious too Martin, Jon fess up.

Oh nevermind Martin doesn’t want to know

“So...if you say Gertrude wouldn’t have been able to go on without a reason-”

“Yes, Martin. You are my reason” 💕😭😭💖💜💕🥰😍❤️ I cant believe they invented Love guys

“Right, just wanted to make you say it ;)” MARTIN I LOVE YOU 😂😭

...

Tone shift

“If you had died, would the others have been able to quit?”

[in a pained regretful voice] “Yes” mY HEART

Man I didn’t think survivors guilt could’ve gotten any worse for good ol’ Jonathan Sims, but I was proved ✨wrong✨

:’)

Anyway, this episode got me in the ✨~feels~✨

Ep. 167

[askthetotallynotcampcamp]

jaspvid for the s o u l

michael: oak aye

————

Jasper: *first day working at the camp 😳😳* *vIbES near the entrance lmao*

David: GOOOOOOD MORNING JASPER! READY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY?

Jasper: Totally!! Is the camp still the same as when we were younger?

David: yup! Obviously different kids, they can get crazy so be prepared!

Jasper: Oh jeez, okay.

The b u s: *i am alive*

David: ah! They're here, oh you're gonna love them Jas!

Max: *walks off the bus* who the hell is that?!

Nerris: yeah I've never seen him before! Hello sir I dont know!

David: well kids, this is your new counselor, Jasper!

Jasper: Hi kids-! I hope I can make your summer great!!

Neil: *😒😒*

Harrison: Oh cool! A new person to show my magic to!

Space kid: howdy do Jasper!

Max: okay just another person to make fun of!

-all the kids are in the mess haul now-

David: I told you to be prepared! Dont let max get to you, hes always like that

Jasper: he’s just a little, uh, insulting. kinda rude, I can handle it though! Don’t worry about it

David: alrighty!

-time skip bc I'm lazy-

David: *getting ready for sleep time* do do dooooo

Jasper: ughhh, I do not understand how you deal with those kids all day *😔*

David: I've gotten used to them, maxes words hurt sometimes but I'm fine with it. And you dont have to work here ya know, if it isnt fun for you

Jasper: I wanna work here because I miss being with you all the time, homeslice- I’ll get used to it eventually

David: awe that's sweet, but you can always tell me if you want to leave because this place can stress you out! Now you, should get some sleep mister

Jasper: *😳😳😳* ah yeah, you too homie *bed time bro*

David: goodnighttttt!

Jasper: goodnight-

Time: smellbert day time

The camp: i am going to burn down

David: OH GOSH THE CAMP!

-after they fix the camp bc I'm lazy and tired-

David: *collapses against a tree* now that, that was a workout

Jasper: *collapses nexts to mr tree* is that how it’s like everyday?

Neil: *a p p r o a c h e s*

David: yeah basically *jumps up* hello Neil!

Neil: Hey can I show you something I’ve been working on? *is neil*

David: ah yes of course! *grabs Jaspers hand and walks over*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳*

Neil: Okay, so, this is my science stuff, and this right here is a calculator

David: very...interesting! Right Jasper!

Jasper: I like the uh, bottles?

Neil: The test tubes?

David: *tries not to laugh*

Jasper: I mean- I guess? I don’t know, I never did science

Neil: Literally everyone knows what a test tube is-!

David: oh come on Neil cut him some slack, hes not all about science

Neil: david, literally everyone knows what a test tube is!

David: well Jasper isnt everyone! Keep up the good work! *walks back to the cabin*

Jasper: *taps david’s shoulder 😗✌️* hey hey hey, quick question

David: hm? *turns around* yeah Jasper?

Jasper: Can I talk to you alone for a hot sec

David: yeah of course! What's up buddy pal

Jasper: uh, so, since I was a kid i thought you were super cool-?

David: wow really?! Youre really.. what's the word you use..radical!

Jasper: Wow thanks! Anyway, I was thinking and like- I like you??

David: well duh, we're best friends!

Jasper: yeah, but, like-like you homie

David: *very red* oh gosh- i- um-

Jasper: *😳😳😳* uh- yeah-

David: a-are you sure? Out of a-all people?

Jasper: *nodnodnodnod*

David: well uh- lucky for you- *kisses his cheek😳😳😳*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳* oh dang-

David: *smiles at him*

Gwen: well that was lovely

Jasper: Wow gwen okay

David: oh h-hi Gwen..*v red*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳*

Gwen: I saw the whole thing, it was WAY better than trash tv

David: well is this good for your trash tv? *kisses Jasperteehee*

Jasper: *is a red*

Gwen: *:0* Oh damn!!

David: oh wait I actually did that-

Jasper: jesus- *lmao covers his face or some shit*

Gwen: 👏👏👏

David: okay uh toodaloo! Bye! *runs to the cabin*

Jasper: uh, i’m gonna go too-! *fOLLOW*

Max: they're so gonna makeout

David: *in the bathroom* WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME

Jasper: *kNocKs oN tHe dOoR* uhh, davey are you okay?

David: AH! oh Jasper, hello! Uh yes I am completely fine why would something be wrong what

Jasper: you ran away really fast, are you sure you’re okay-?

David: yes of course! *comes pit of the bathroom and is like face to face w/ jasper bc he was standing right outside of the door??*

Jasper: *😳👉👈* *s smooch*

David: *😳😳😳😳😳😳*

Jasper: i’m uh, sorry *😔👉👈*

David: nononono it's okay! *hug*

Jasper: *hug 😔👉👈*

David: hey, you okay? *ruffles his hair and laughs*

Jasper: *:) 👉👈* of course!

David: that's great! *smiles at him*

Jasper: we should uh, leave and see what the kiddos are up to *walks out backwards???*

David: okay! *kicks the door open* owie

Jasper: oh dang are you okay-

Nikki: What SPICY DRAMA happened??!

David: nikki what do you mean??

Nikki: Max said you were gonna make out!

David: nothing happened! *😳*

Jasper: *holds onto david’s arm or smth lmao oop*

Nikki: hmmmm

David: nikki nothing- uh- nothing happened!

Max: Likely story DAVID!

David: fine, what do you think happened?

Max: you two made out or some gross shit and then you came out like nothing happened!

David: well you are incorrect!

Jasper: very incorrect!

Nikki: Oh damn it!

David: well anyways, since it's getting to sunset now, its campfire time! *skips over to the benches*

Jasper: come on children!! *follow*

Children: kk *follow*

Max: jasper I seriously dont understand how youre in love with HIM

David: *making a fire*

Jasper: I mean, he’s really nice, Max- I’m sure you’ll feel the same way about someone eventually

Max: pft- yeah, no

David: *stands up* okay and we are ready for action!

Jasper: oh come ON max, stop being so heartless *walks over to the f i r e*

David: *sits down on a log and puts on his sweatshirt* (I LOVE DAVID WEARING A SWEATSHIRT)

Jasper: *sits next to d a v i d* oh dang, are you cold?

David: eh, it's just summer night air

Jasper: yeah but i wanted an excuse to do this *puts his arm around david 😳*

David: *goes wide eyed 😳😳*

Jasper: *forehead smooch 😳😳*

David: *hides in his sweatshirt😳* Jasper not in front of the campers!-

Jasper: Oh dang i’m so sorry *n not*

David: *rests his head on his shoulder* hmph

Jasper: oh no, am i in trouble now? *hug teehee*

David: *shakes his head no*

Jasper: cool cool cool *😘😘😘*

Gwen: *👀👀👀*

David: *sleep*

Gwen: I think you need to go tuck your boy in

Jasper: Righto, Gwen make sure nothing burns down *picks up mr tree mans and cArRiEs hIm To tHe CabIn wOwIe*

David: huh..oh hi jasperrrr

Jasper: hola *drops mr tree mans onto his bed lmao rekt* you fell asleep

David: oh sorry *laughs tiredly?? Is that a thing??*

Jasper: go to sleep, you sound tired *forehead smooch 😳😳*

David: *pulls him down to....hug him duh*

Jasper: oh dang- *hug hug hug*

David: what? I love youuuuu (he ain't gonna remember this-)

Jasper: *😳😳😳* shoot- i love you too homie *s sits on the bed or smth*

David: *sits up and hugs him* thank you for working here, now I get to see your adorable face everyday

Jasper: jeez- calm down- *😳😳😳*

David: I'm just saying! *smiles at him*

Jasper: *😌😌* okay go to sleep now- it’s late, homeslice

David: okay *kisses him* goodnight *:)*

Jasper: goodnight weirdo *escape*

-morning-

David: *wakes up and sits up* best sleep I've ever had

Jasper: *uhh already out watching el children*

David: *gets dressed and walks outside* GOOOOOD MORNING JASPER

Jasper: hello hello, how did you sleep?

David: very good actually! I just dont remember anything from the camp fire

Jasper: oh great, you were hella tired last night man

Nikki: *f fire*

David: GOSH DARN NIKKI NOT AGAIN WITH THE FIRE!- *runs*

Jasper: *ahaha just vibes honestly lmao* righto children, who wants to go do something cool

Max: what do you consider cool

Jasper: dunno, what do YOU consider cool?

Max: I dont know that's why I'm asking you!

Space kid: how are babies made

Jasper: okay, we’re not going over that today- what if we uh, go to spooky island and find cool stuff

Nerris: david said we arent allowed over there!

David: I heard my name! Wassup

Jasper: we’re going to spooky island because i almost died there so we are allowed

David: *:0* ooooo adventures okay! Boat time! *walks to the boats*

Jasper: alrighty everyone get in groups of threes to go in the bOaTs and then don’t get lost

David: *gets in the boat in front of thy jasper* is Gwen coming?

Jasper: I don’t think so-

Space Kid: *is on their bOaT now because he asked how babies were made*

David: *starts paddling the boat* weeeeeeee

Jasper: *lmao also pAdDlInG*

Space Kid: David how are babies made?

David: uh well- *😳*

Space Kid: because neil told me that-

Jasper: okay okay okay let’s not talk about this today

Space kid: do you and jasper make babies?

David: NO *😳😳😳*

Jasper: *w heeze*

Space Kid: hmmmm, well do you want to make babies?

David: SPACE KID JUST STOP TALKING *😳😳😳😳*

Jasper: *literally sobbing* this is COMEDY

David: JASPER DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

Jasper: It’s so funny-!

David: uh-uh! Its embarrassing!

Space kid: you guys have definitely made babies

Jasper: *FIDNKSNSKSK* OH MY GOD *teeheehaw*

David: OKAY WOW LOOK WE'RE HERE *gets off the canoe*

Jasper: *escaped canoe* kk kids stay in your groups and find something cool

David: I guess space kid went with harrison and his group, so that's leave us alone *😳*

Jasper: *😳😳😳* *👀👀* *smooch 😳*

David: *😳😳😳* *kiss:)*

Jasper: *:)))*

Nikki: GUYS IT IS HAPPENING

David: NIKKI I SWEAR TO GOSH IF YOU DONT GO AWAY-

Jasper: *😳😳😳* Woah Davey chillax

Nikki: Everyone wanted to know!

David: well I think it's pretttttttty obvious that I am deeply in love with Jasper!

Jasper: 😳😳😳

Nikki: WOAHH!! Like my mom and Carl!!

Neil: nikki pleeeeeease dont bring that up

David: oh god-

Nikki: Why not! That was true love Neil!

Jasper: what even- who?

Neil: that was sex! Theres a difference Nikki!

David: their parents hooked up on parents day-

Jasper: *elbow nudge ;))* *LMAO WHEEZE JK JKING*

Nikki: There is no difference!

David: JASPER NO

Neil: they only did it for pleasure!!

Jasper: I was joking homie!

Nikki: oh REALLY? how would you know!!

Neil: beacuseeeeee that's why people do it nikki!

David: okay....homeskillet!

Nikki: have YOU ever done it!!!

Jasper: oh jesus- we should stop that before something bad happens

Neil: NIKKI I AM 11

David: yeah-

Jasper: *picks up nikki or some poopoo* Nikki, just listen to Neil on this one

Neil: THANK YOU

David: *giggles*

Nikki: this isn’t over NEIL

Jasper: okie dokie kids- Nikki you’re coming back with me because I don’t trust you with neil

Neil: NIKKI YOU LITERALLY EAT DIRT SO I DONT THINK YOU WOULD KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SE-

David: OKAY ENOUGH OF THIS

Jasper: alrighty everyone we’re going back- david go back with neil

Nikki: *g rowels*

-when they get back-

David: *flops on to his bed* well that was a experience

Jasper: *s sits on david’s bed* oh god it sure was

David: *sits up and leans against the pillows* I haven't been that stressed in awhile-

Jasper: *😳😳👀* *smooch*

David: *smooch😳😳😳😳*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳smooch*

David: *hug* hiiiii

Jasper: *hug 😳😳😳* hello hello

Dsvid: not to be that weird person but you are way better at kissing then I thought you would be- *giggles*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳*

David: okay soryyyyyyyyyyy

Jasper: you’re so dorky

Space Kid: *knocks on the councelor cabins door*

David: ugh can we ever be alone! *opens the door* oh space kid! Why are you up?

space kid: i had a nightmare that space wasn’t real can i stay with you :(

Jasper: ughhhhhh

David: yes of course! *picks up him* where do you wanna sleep?

Space kid: uhhh in space

David: let me rephrase it, where do you want to sleep in the cabin?

[omoghouls]

Oh, sorry! Anon from last ask. I mean basically can you,, introduce me to the fandom, to the characters? I'm sorry if thats too much, you don't have to if you don't want to? I know the their names and stuff and honestly Klaus omo is starting to look good lmao. Me rant? Never,

Ooh!! I getcha thank you for clarifying ♡♡♡♡

So, I personally have not read the original comic books (where the show is based off, the comics are written by Gerard Way☆) but the show itself is currently on their first season (season 2 is on the way!) And only on Netflix 

The general plot of the show is about how, one day in the 1980s 43 women mysteriously all gave birth at the exact same time to babies that all have super powers! This billionaire named Reginald was amazed and tried to buy these children, and he got 7 of the 43 :^0 And those 7 were trained to be super heroes that helped in the city of the crimes.

So, each child has their own powers! Now, Reginald is one big ol piece of shit so he never named the children, save for numbers so the children named themselves,

Number one(aka; Luther) he has amazing strengths and can withstand the cold weather of space! He's kinda acted as designated leader, seems one dimensional due to his sorta dry personality 

Number two(aka; Diego) he has impeccable aim with anything he throws, it'll go directly where he wants it to go! He's chaotic and takes matters into his own hands (which, doesn't always end good)

Number three(Aka; Allison) she has the power of altering the truth and getting people to do as she says if she says "I heard a rumor." (She's somewhat narcissistic but does have a loving and caring gside!)

Number four(Aka; Klaus) he has the ability to talk and see the dead,,,which is constant, he always sees the dead (so, he starts taking drugs at a very young age to make the dead go away. Another chaotic one, quick witted and always ready to go (really cares about his siblings, has some real bad trauma)

Number five(aka; five,,,he never choose another name) his powers are time manipulation, he can go through time and teleport either to and from in a room or teleport to the future! Some snarky, personally you expect from an old man who has seen it all, curt and to the point with his actions

Number six(aka; Ben) his powers were that under his skin he had eldric horrors that could appear as giant, useable tentacles! Nor a spoiler since its said within the first few minutes of the first episode, he's dead but Klaus can see/talk to him. Soft boy, good boy, cares tremendously for Klaus and the others from beyond the grave.

Number seven(aka: Vanya) now, she is seen as just ordinary, no powers, however that is tested the futher the series goes (and I ain't gonna spoil that for ya🤭) Very anxious, kinda the outcast  black sheep of the family ;^;

SO basically, they all live together as kids, something  b a d  happens to Five and the time cuts to about 13nyears into the future when they're all adults. Reginald dies and it's a bit mysterious as to why. So the five living ones come back together after that long time away to hold a funeral for Reginald. That's when shit gets crazy, Five mysteriously returns from the very distant future and declares the world is going to end in a week from when he returned (aka; shits going down in a couple days and Five doesnt have long to catch everyone up!)

That's about all I can say without heading into spoiler territory! So far there are 10 episodes (all a bit over an hour long) 

Aaa that got kinda long but that's the fandom in a nut shell☆ and Klaus omo is always good omo nonny👀👀👀 I've got a few omo hcs around our spooky lil séance bab💖💖💖 Because he's just such a good omo victim omggggGG

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta United Kingdom to Eurovision with a blatantly non-blatant Melodifestivalen reject

Yes, obviously, Eurovision: You Decide might as well be the safest NF to ever exist. We get that you don’t want to even try, the UK, but can you please act like you’re not in Big 5 for a year and ATTEMPT to try your hardest with the song??? I doubt that, despite SuRie’s bubbliness, “Storm” would’ve pulled numbers if it were in semi, unless the anti-neo-Nazi stage invader were to butt-in there and people would then send sympathy televotes the Brits’ way or something. Unsatisfying. (The man, that is.)

And so we have gotten another safe as ever British entry this year, performed by an excited personality that got a side-dish song and now is tasked to sell the side-dish as greatly as he’s possibly able to - the first season of All Together Now winner, Michael Rice! The dish is “Bigger than Us” and I’m neither glad nor sad the song has not enough factor to eat up Michael as a whole if it’s that much BIGGER. Not even the fact that it’s a Melodifestivalen reject (yes, the title IS correct, one of the song’s co-writers, whom I’ll name later, has possibly said it at some point, and he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore so he sent it over to another country!) could help this poor number out.

If you strip the singer off, you just get a stereotypical Eurovision-y ballad you overhear when scavenging through foreign NF catalogues, wondering which kind of rent-a-songwriter-program person contributed to it. Well John Lundvik (yes THAT one) doesn’t sound like THAT kind of name you’d hear when you think of songwriters of such shtick but Laurell Barker is, so there you go. These are just the two masterminds behind this one, as there are more but icr their names and honestly idc to.

And there’s nothing wrong about these typical ESC NF shlocks. Only when you’re young and dumb enough to enjoy these kind of songs, but I had to unfortunately grow up and see just how “useful” they are... n’t. I mean, it’s great for the artists whose big dream is to taste Eurovision and NOT as a backing singer, but most of the time the singers that get these songs can’t even slightly relate to what they sing, and thus we get people like Bishara entering Melodifestivalen and Isaiah entering Eurovision.

Maybe Michael did get to experience the kind of love that’s BIGGER than him and his partner, idk. I certainly don't want to bother asking him. And frankly, it's only me overthinking this issue, because ain't nobody in the world really got time for that, definitely. Well, at least the relationship’s going on nice! (except for when Mike sings “‘cause I can heare the universe when I’m feeling you breathe”... spooky. o.I)

Anyway, time to get to talk more about the song. It's actually not THAT bad, just a little too typical and unextraordinary, where in the current times the Eurovision has to not be predictable in sound and to excite the viewer with... well, anything that can excite anyone. Be it the visuals OR the song. OR both. What's so special about "Bigger than Us" that can keep the viewer on toes? Probably just that keychange. I wish there were more things about it but not every commentator out there would have enough time to let them people know Michael works in a waffle shop, let alone the time that "HE WON A TALENT SHOW'S FIRST SEASON BUT THE SHOW ISN'T THE X FACTOR OR THE VOICE ZOMFG!!". Let alone people even listen to any Eurovision commenting these days, lol. It might be a charming little piece for some people though, but I don't see them voting for people selling their songs vocally much more than songs that draw in viewers with different ways. It's just a standart talent show winner song for a standart talent show winner that sounds like it's slightly too stuck in the mid-to-late-00s-early-10s rather than the 90s, which is warm and cool and all, but it's likely gonna not do the cool lad Michael the justice he'd need, just like SuRie's song for SuRie. Mayhaps a top 20-ish, or, in Lucie's case, even a top 15, is possible (although it's mostly thanks to the juries - they're the only ones eating up big voice ballads. And anything Maltese. And anything Australian. And anything Swedish... that only represents Sweden. Sorry Lukas Meijer), but when the British optimism levels are set in a deep deep ditch by default every year when the BBC comes with their platter of choices for EYD, what else could be there to raise them up after even Lucie hasn't done that amazing enough for everyone to believe that the UK are capable more than just always finishing last with 0 every year? Of course, a better than average song, but does BBC care about even pulling one out of a songwriting camp? These kind of songs are too shite for their taste, apparently, so with songs they send like these, it's probably yet another meander-er.

Which is a shame, because once again, it's not bad. It's just too plain Jane for Eurovision anymore. It's like everyone dressed up gorgeously for Miss Universe's National Costume event and you went with a cheap-ish designer dress that is decorated by small details that are notoriously known as the country's symbols just to count as something "national". It's like everyone brough their best baked (and dare I say extreme) dish to a dish competition and you only brought in a nice looking baked cod and circled the fries around it. It's like a prom night where everyone dresses casually and you come up all in a dull olive colored jacket and jeans with torn out knees. There might be something hidden in its niceness that can conquer (nice piano, nice chords, nice vocals, nice chorus, nice song formula, nice choir, nice keychange, nice message)... but with everything too nice, it just feels like that the UK are not feeling like getting a 'nice' result. Unless there's something that can make Michael do a 'male Lucie' and launch it around the 14th-19th place at best, but...

And here's the section where I repeat myself some more of what I think of the song as a whole and chances as a whole:

Approval factor: Eh I'll probably have to approve this but only reluctantly somewhat, maybe because I felt positive on the first listen unlike these people who wanted UK to dare to do something else than safe... yeah lol

Follow-up factor: It’s rather marginably favourable song than SuRie’s and only because I like it despite its ‘blandness’. “Storm” is just a song that I don’t really care about. Provided Michael gives all out personality-wise though and the revamp’s not gonna suck balls (if there’s one), this is a decent step in a decent direction for the UK... hope Michael’s not getting stage-invaded by anti-Israel people!

Big 5 factor: Thanks to all this pre-partying kicking in heavily as I put out these reviews (and actually having finished), it turns out that Michael is one of those people that clearly works his hardest to sell this typical British averageness (like he sells his waffles), with his live being so decent enough he was thought of to be a perfect EYD winner this year, so, if he keeps building up his vocal strenghts and rehearses a lot (and stays well and such), he’s actually likely to at least achieve something above bottom 7! Yes, yes, John Lundvik is still the master that will beat his pupil in the end, but that wouldn’t seem that excruciating for the UK anymore if they happen to have a place that’s not bottom 3 or anything. Just for the Michael to do his utmost best out there, and if he does, the UK won’t be in an extremely bad position this year - just not a very high reacher, because at the end of the day there are more nations that run straight with their A-game and therefore continue leaving the common-appealers in the dust. Only Sweden (and Australia until 2018 or so) usually excels at their safeness. The others must outstand to survive. And to wrap things up on this factor section, imo the UK just meanders in the safeness for another year - but at least the good enough safeness that might even be able to qualify if it were sent by a semifinalist country! (apart Sweden ffs, of course Mr. Lundvik would qualify with this one if he kept it to himself, jeez)

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

Thankfully EYD didn’t really stink this year, because of certain key factors:

• There’s always this one or two act(s) that acts like a saviour each year. Bianca and Dulcima (or Darline idk) from 2016, Holly and Salena from 2017, Asanda (and maybe Jaz? or even Raya??) from 2018 and... ponder no more, Kerrie-Anne’s got you covered in that spot! Her version of the two one’s of “Sweet Lies” was arguably the greatest possible choice for the NF (or, in this case, the “very least bad”, and eventhough it’s incredibly reminiscent of Sigala’s “Sweet Lovin’” (vocals provided by Bryn Christopher, who - controversial opinion - is probably my fave male singer of all time), which makes it “dated” (to a 2012-2014 pop radio degree, yes), it still was a bop that I’d want to dance to in rollerskates (if I had any!!) and spray the colourful smoke things that... well idk what it is but the said video of “Sweet Lovin’” demonstrates the action. Get back to me to let me know what’s that, anyone reading this. K-A lowkey underperformed though (just like Asanda from last year) but the bop remained AND she was rightfully included in the British televote’s superfinal trio! ^^

• The hosts were, yet again, the ever-so-loveable comedienne of Lithuanian roots, Mel Giedroyc, and the witty-ass Eurovision 2015 winner Måns Zelmerlöw. The duo is charming as usual and delightful to see on the Beebs when there’s the Eurovision case. If I didn’t know him better I’d even say Måns is a native English speaker. When there’s at least the drought of the ever-so-good entries in an EYD, we can look back at the hosts provided us some entertainment we’ve probably been missing while trying to find some on those competing entries. My favourite moment throughout that evening was the “next up is” jokes, all randomly stringed together, all in one row - all of those “next ups” were so hilariously random (until one hit the point - I think it was something about adverts or another performance being next up).

• The postcards were lovely too. With the format of EYD upgraded to make it as a three-song duel between two different versions of each one and the juries deciding on the best one for each (one vote per version), we got to see some nice friendships over there (I mean, a postcard for two people who did duel over whose version is the best - they had to listen and compliment each others’ versions) and some nice things the artists said themselves on separate postcards. Like the time when the only band of the competition of the year’s, MAID, named Buranovskiye Babushki as one of their girlband idols (a ‘so random yet glorious‘ answer) and the victorious Michael confessing that he’s “never been to Tel(iv) Aviv”... that’s true Michael, I believe ya. You’ve so never been there that ou struggle to even say it right! Not to mention that the postcard setups were cozy, too.

• Can we all just kind of agree that at least the jury for EYD made THE BEST CHOICES POSSIBLE??? I mean, yeah, it’s a biT cruel they’re the ones to choose the superfinalists without the audience’s interference, but they still made the best choices possible, at least imo. Anisa’s “Sweet Lies” was a godawfully dreary sex slow-jam (no really, I can’t not imagine a scenario where you can’t use it anywhere other than a sex scene in a movie, or a steamy hot shower scene. Call me crazy-minded but it’s true), MAID’s “Freaks” was godawfully too creepy, strange and unbearable, and Holly Tandy’s “Bigger than Us”... well... while much more chill and way less overbearing (also with not enough “BIGGER” memes potential), it would have probably not stood out all that much - just written off as a Kygo remix rented for a cheap price of half a pound (but still co-written by John Lundvik though!!). So thanks to Rylan and the other two for picking the superfinalists reasonably, unlike A Dal jurors this year. It still wrenches my gut whenever I think about it, ugh.

• What even would be an appearance of Måns if he didn't try to remind y'all of his enthusiasm for Eurovision. No one really cares he won Eurovision 4 years ago, if anything, I dread that he's only being remembered as the "male singer guy of Love Love Peace Peace song" by the newer fans. At least Pepperidge Farm I remember how Måns really wanted to get to Eurovision (even if he didn't participate in that many Melodifestivalen editions). So in this year's EYD he went all out to be a part of the Eurovision best (British?) songs medley (and we got Katrina and the Waves later in the show, performing the nation's last winning hit, 22 years later... and that wasn't even a fully British-branded win, if yanno what I mean!), and it's all courtesy of the Melodifestivalen's best known scriptwriter and an occasional Eurovision commentator (and Melodifestivalen's narrator too), Edward af Sillén. Or at least I remember it being written that he has written some stuff for Måns to do in EYD, IDK. Eitherway, it was kind of a fun thing, the interlude. Just remembering all the nice Eurovision entries out there, even including Gina G (whose ESC entry was also sung by another person in another NF whose review will be up next I suppose!).

• Heyyyyy, wasn’t it all kinds of nice to see SuRie doing an interval act and a reprise of her own run-of-the-mill entry “Storm”? I applaud her of doing a tremendous piano rendition of it, with even singing some notes a little higher than in the actual song. Maybe THAT version could have done so much better in Lisbon - showing off SuRie’s vocal decency, intimacy and... idk about the intruder part, hopefully he’d have had no way to wrestle the mic out of SuRie’s hands that time. At least SuRie had just enough support from Eurofans to be wanted to represent the UK one more year in a row, with a special EYD designed for her, where the songs could be mostly composed by her and not by the useless songwriting camp. While it’s a nice idea for some British and non-British people to get to know each other on these camps, the end results barely end up satisfying because the artists barely get involved in the songs they’re singing - not even a song line, not even a hum of contribution! Why can’t you at least take examples from German songwriting camps... (except for the time “Sister” was invented, that one could have been a perfect contribution for an EYD (not necessarily in this year’s format but still)

All in all, this may seem like an improvement of things, but I still am really hoping that BBC will give into a decent internal selection... afterall there are good names that are down to do Eurovision and didn’t even say it will harm their ‘reputation’ (*cough* Paloma Faith *cough* Hurts), and yet BBC refuses them somehow, not thinking that Eurovision is more than just a SONG contest (while ironically not even having their songs sounding THAT ‘great’, oops)? Or at least reformat EYD big time and make it exciting a la Australia Decides is (you know you suck when even your colony does better NFs than you). For now, I’ll just grit my teeth and nicely wish Michael Rice all the best in Tel(iv) Aviv. You’ll need it, chap! And in secret I hope that you’ll get it xx

[80srockher]

Yuri on Ice Re-Watch and Live Commentary, Episode 11: Gotta Super-Supercharge It!! Grand Prix Final Short Program!

My thoughts, they overflow.

The cutest ‘Choose Your Fighter’ menu, ever!

Well look-a-there. The kiss seen around the world is in Yuri’s grand prix replay reel. 

I was NOT expected those faces to show up in the opener. Freaked me out, tbh.

Ok, I suppose that’s a thing in skating…?

Then again, Sarah seems just as confused by that statement.

Also, Mickey, just sit there and be quiet, hm?

Ahh, this is what Victor wants Yuri to remember.

And he’s determined to make his coach proud.

Wow, Minami is the ultimate stan-er. 

I mean…

If this ain’t romantic then my name is Steven Q. Urkel.  And it’s not.

Rawr.

So, Yuri is more comfortable with admitting he wants to win than ever before.  JJ leads the field in jumps, but a few tweaks to his routine may give Yuri an advantage. 

Why, yes he does.  And watch him talk you into it.

Yuri Katsuki is 1,000 - 0 in getting his way from Victor Nikiforov.

Well, doesn’t this harken back to ep. 10?  Victor said he has faith in whatever Yuri decides.  Here’s the follow-through.

Thanks, in part, to you, coach.

These are Victor’s words. He’s quite an erudite observer, is he not?

Two graceful gazelles quad-flipping in tandem.

Unfortunately, Yuri’s hand touches the ice when he lands.  I think we all know him well-enough by now to predict how he’ll react to that.

Meanwhile, Mickey. Stop.  Looking.  For. Reasons.  To.  Touch. Sarah.

Minako+Mari = Me

Of all the expressions of the fam watching from home, this is my favorite.  Hiroko knows what’s coming. 

This expression, right here.

Victor feels Yuri’s disappointment – his frustration at wanting to perform to his utmost capacity – as keenly as Yuri, himself.  These are emotions he likely hasn’t had to experience in quite some time.  Observe his inner dialogue:

“Dunno.  Don’t really care.”

Victor reflects on having been able to surprise everyone when he approached every program like a new beginning.

However, he was running out of new beginnings; lacking in inspiration from a routine existence.  

The quote in this cap is telling.  Victor was wrong about being able to find new strength on his own. 

Yep.  Becoming Yuri’s coach has benefited Victor and Yuri, both.

Probably a pep talk on how perfectionism stands in the way of greatness.  But that’s just a suggestion.

Yay, we get more of the skaters’ back stories in this next-to-last ep.  Phichit has always been adorable.

So… did Celestino move with him to Thailand?  Is Phichit his only skater, now?

I love how Phichit draws inspiration from Yuri.  Unfortunately, the only thing keeping Yuri from fully acknowledging it is his own sense of self-worth.

Darn, the camera just missed me in the far, far, far upper corner.

Awww, bby!  You were great!

As intimidated as he might have by Phichit after his performance, Yuri will always support his bestie.

I mean… really?

And the two parental guardians back there are just going to stand there and let that happen, huh?

Boggles my mind how or why anyone puts up with Yurio’s behavior.  But okay, I guess.

LOL @ Mari.  Yuri’s Angels has a seat at the table for you.

Nerves.  Everyone, except for Victor, it would seem, has them.

Hm… there’s another competition before the Final?  But, yay for Guang-Hong taking home another medal!

Guy to Yurio’s right is kind of a snack, too.

This is Lilia speaking. Why Yuri isn’t reflecting on this himself as he skates – like the rest of his competitors do – I’ve no idea.

So, this is an interesting POV from Yakov.  Lilia mentions in a voiceover how people shine brightest when they seek to understand what kind of love sustains them.  During a section of Yurio’s routine, Yakov can’t help but subconsciously compare him to Victor.  This has several implications, IMO: one being that Yakov’s love for Victor was a source of strength for Yakov, himself.  Another is that Yakov had never seen Victor shine brighter than when skating. That’s… rather sad, actually, because we know that competing began to eventually drag Victor down.

Yet another implication is that Yurio is the next generation’s Victor.  This deserves more elaboration; probably in ep. 12 commentary.

Their faces, here. Just…. LOL.  It takes a lot to surprise them but Yurio managed to do it.

Victor watching himself at 15.

These are Yurio’s internal thoughts.  Well, that’s not shooting for Agape now, is it?

Meanwhile, Yuri’s been searching for Victor and he finds him… paying attention to someone other than him.

118-decimal-point-something-something is like… the highest score we’ve seen in the show so far, I believe.

Sarah is genuinely Yuri’s friend, whether Yuri thinks so or not, lol.

Chris, the human red light.

Victor’s attention is arrested by the rest of the skaters, which is a blow to Yuri’s self-confidence. What Yuri doesn’t understand is that Victor is so sure of Yuri’s new trust in his decisions that he doesn’t feel the need to constantly reassure him.  For perhaps the first time in the series, Victor has taken the time to really appreciate the athletes as a spectator.

However… Yuri is still Yuri, Victor.  YOU are a large part of that newfound trust in himself.

However…… it would help if Yuri told Victor that.  But, Yuri is still Yuri.

Sigh.

This is Chris’ house(?) I’m assuming it’s an apartment building.

Overconfident much?

Look at Chris’ cat carrier. And the carrier he’s carrying.

You may not have won the Final yet, Chris, but you are the gold medalist of double entendres.

So, Chris outscores Yuri.

Victor is happy for Chris. Yuri is not happy at all.

I’m about to relieve Yurio of both his feet.

Aww, baby’s first Davai.

And it’s for Otabek. Go, Otabek!

I really like this music. And Otabek is a very technically skilled skater, having already shared a podium with Victor.  

He doesn’t have Yurio’s grace, so he plays to an entirely different set of strengths.

This is Yuri’s observation. And he’s right.

This is the first time Victor’s ever paid attention to Otabek, someone he competed against and who medal-ed just beneath him and Chris.  LOL! This is growth for him, actually. However, Yuri (being Yuri) feels inadequate in comparison.

This isn’t pro-wrestling, JJ.

Wait a sec… what’s Otabek doing in JJ’s thoughts?  Why, it’s almost as if JJ feels threatened by him.  Inneresting.

As opposed to another type of pressure?

Wow, people certainly make lifetime commitments at a young age in this universe.  JJ is only 19 or so?  Yuko’s only two years older than Yuri.  And Yuri himself… well half the series is about him and his soulmate.

This is some spooky imagery, tbqh.

Did y’all drug test JJ before the stepped on the ice?

Folks, I was one of JJ’s girls that day.  You can conquer those demons, JJ!

Indeed.  Internal battles are the hardest to fight, which Yuri is intimately aware of.  Good on him for realizing others struggle just as much as he does.

These are Yuri’s thoughts. Such progress from last season when he was so down on himself for coming in last at the GPF.  Yes, Yuri, you managed to make it to the final six TWICE in a row!

Ha!  The dude with the flag.  He’s the most invested person in that arena.

That’s rough to know what you’re capable of yet not live up to it.

Isabella!  I was wrong about flag guy; THIS is the most invested person in the arena.  No wonder JJ wanted to marry her within the year.

Unfortunately, Isabella is also an enabler.  LOL.

Ha ha, what a cute, jokey moment between the lovers.  So sweet. So affectionate.

Nothing, Victor, forget he ever said anything!

Yuri Katsuki: undisputed champion of f’ng up his own damn life.

These last ep’s have been ripe for the screencapping, apparently.  One more to go!

[ptitdrogo]

In the mind of a “Top Tier” Protoss player

        Hey guys, PtitDrogo here, after reading a really amazing post tournament write up by one of my favorite Magic player ( https://twitter.com/lsv/status/1105124626429079552 , seriously, if you’re even slighty into magic go read this) I felt like it would be kind of cool to write down how the past month went for me in term of strategy preparation for the last few tournaments I played, mainly focusing on wesg and WCS ro8.

You win some you lose some

             To set the tone, before wesg I was of two minds about my play, I managed to qualify for the ro8 of WCS after beating Mana and Namshar, but I got seriously owned by Bly and Nerchio at IEM, not taking a single map and going home with 0 dollars.

            It’s still honestly a little bit confusing to me, the same confidence in my ability to play a defensive style against mana completely failed against bly, and my faith in my timings that worked great against namshar just got dismantled by nerchio. I could go on longer about this but sometimes you just don’t play well, and I’ve learned that dwelling on it is the worst thing you can do.

All eyes on Spaghetti boy

            Looking at the groups of WESG, a top 1 finish in my group would give me a good shot of having a “beatable” opponent in the bracket, and winning that match would mean winning 5k, so it was my objective coming into the event.

The man to beat being obviously reynor, who previously kind of walked on me in the last group stage of wcs, I had a couple of ideas in mind and also discovered some new cool stuff beforehand.

            I now knew that he actually really liked hydralisk midgame, and I actually really liked it, what was once the bane of my existense is now a pretty manageable opening in my opinion since the hydralisk got quite a bit weaker, you really don’t have to play scared and can even pressure yourself.

I was practicing some kind of 3 base high eco Chargelot archon pressure and having so-so success with it, I kind of wasn’t sure if I wanted to go for it, but without a better idea that’s what I was gonna go for.

“Wow, he actually does open hydralisk every game”.

            There’s a bit of a difference between telling yourself something and seeing it for yourself. After watching Probe vs Reynor It really hit my that reynor was playing hydralisks not only on big maps but on everymap, add to that a tendency to add some zerglings to deny the third, and 15 minutes before the start of my match I’m changing strategy without practicing it.

EDIT: Watching the vod of the Bo3, I actually was completely wrong, lol, I looked at the game at the only time he made some hydralisks, to secure a game already won by a roach nydus, and the other game was just a ling queen nydus, I guess I saw what I wanted to see !

“The Yoloswag build”

            It’s honestly such a terrible build, it’s not a particulary strong push, and it relies on your opponent not going roachs and REALLY thinking you’re going for a macro while also being a little bit of a bad player for not using your prism.

This is just an 8 gate that wants to cancel its third base in the first place to being able to afford 8 gateways production in the first place, the idea is you poke with 2 archon, run away from the queen, cancel your third because of the nasty zerglings, and while you pretend to being completely owned you warp more archons and zealot in a corner and you go kill the guy, a classic really, and I knew it would be very effective againt lings into hydras, sometimes last minute change of plans do work, color me surprised.

“Oh no you canceled my third dang it”

“Nothing going on over here”

“The 420 Blazing it DT drop”

            This one has kind of a funny backstory to it, I was practicing with a zerg for IEM, and he really wanted me to play DT drop because he thought his opponent would do it for sure.

“Alright, but I really think it’s shit” is what I said.

2 hours later and a LOT of wins later, I had to concede that it was pretty good, to quote my practice partner “your Dts being 7 seconds faster is actually a pretty big problem”.

            Sometimes you’re very wrong about what is good. Here’s the thing tho, I didn’t have time to check a vod to do the build, so I went by memory, old memories of 2017 in fact, and the way I remembered it you would have to cut a lot of workers and do a lot of little adjustements to get a very fast DT drop going even if it meant sacrificing some economy.

Turn out not a lot of protosses were doing it. The end result was 4 Dts being warped at 4:23, and most games they would just kill the third hatch. So I was feeling pretty confident it would work.

In my game against reynor I warped my Dts at 4:21.

They killed the third hatch.

            I was honestly so confused as to why or how I managed to have a better timing than in the game I was practicing against the ia, but hey I’m not complaining.

Later Reynor told me he didn’t know Dts could come this fast, and the 4:20 DT drop kind of became a meme among players for the rest of the tournament, I haven’t warped exactly 4 Dts at 4:20 yet, but hey maybe next wcs I’ll do it without meaning to !

So I ended up with a very pretty to look at 10-0 score, wasn’t easy of course, Iasonu and Probe were two players I was also scared of but I thought that playing standard was my best bet and indeed it was, also almost lost a game to PsiArc where I was very behind in economy but managed to attack right before his bunker finished, sometime lucky.

There is no way the Germans can cross the Maginot Line

            My opponent for the ro16 was Lambo, not a bad draw but not the best, I was confident I could win tho, and the new variation I was trying out in practice were going great, I had a great plan for the best of 5 and a build for every single maps.

All of that preparation came crashing down with a pretty swift 3-0 LOL.

            Game 1 was death by 12 pool, Cuz here’s the thing, to get a 4:20 DT drop, you can’t probe scout, little guy needs to work overtime ! I actually was mainly hoping he wouldn’t have the balls to 12 pool game 1 and I was going to scout after core anyway, whats the worse that could happen?  

            Game 2 was a very good game until it all came crashing down, I actually very like this double stalker opening poke, I was practicing against a zerg and made 2 stalkers by mistake on this map, and the overlord that usually always manage to run away died this time, and the very confusing double stalker oracle move out forced quite a lot of lings. So I decided to run with it in the tournament

When I was trying to explain it to the other protoss as a “great opening that looks very confusing to the zerg but doesn’t actually do anything” they were unconvinced; Haters; when it becomes the norm in 2020 don’t forget about me.

In the actual game the 2 stalkers squad worked great, I actually even killed an overlord at his base ahahah. I was in a VERY strong position in the midgame, and thought there was no way I could lose.

Well, nydus happened, no warpin available, no recall, an awkward attempt at a basetrade and a very long death animation trying to rebuild my templar tech to spend my gas bank later, It’s 2-0.

“Money in the bank pimping ain’t easy” 

            Game 3 was just a standart 2 base nydus that if I was a few second faster to recall my oracle or if I wasn’t supply blocked on 53/54 to then warp one more stalker I would have won, oh well, sometime it’s just not going your way.

“The correct play here is to go alt tab and go complain on Bnet forums” 

It was obviously very annoying to lose one step short of making 5k, but there was a silver lining to losing to hard and so quickly to cheese.

All of my preparation could still be used for WCS.

An FFA would pretty much have been the same right ?

            The big Round robin was here, and good god is it spooky. All of the players there are good and even if 6 players out 8 makes it it is very very scary.

My goal coming into the group was to barely make it, “maybe 2 wins is enough to squeeze in” is what I thought.

The first thing that is interesting to note is that I got pretty lucky in the order of my matchs, my 4 first matchs were all PvZ, then on day 2 I got the two PvP and the PvT.

That made practice fairly easy and nobody was able to prepare for me for day 2 as I didn’t have any of the same match-ups.

“You lose some…

            Against Serral, I had a pretty good first game to be honest, even tho I didn’t do flashy damage with the DT drop I still kept the pressure with the archons and was in what I thought a pretty good situation with the army I wanted.

Here’s the thing tho, Serral is annoying, like VERY annoying with his mutalisks, so before moving out for a strong attack I overmade defensive structures by quite a bit (3 canons in natural mineral line lololol) because I felt like I could afford it. So when I pushed, as you might expect it, broodlords were already out, and even if it might not be a well known fact in the community yet, Lategame PvZ is pretty unwinnable, at least against serral, gg.

            Game 2 was just an embarrassing game of me messing up my build order and losing my prism to 6 queens to then die to mutalisks and roachs. Not the most interesting of games and the kind of showing you really don’t wanna produce but it sadly happens too many times.

“Queens defend everything reeeeeee” 

            Against Reynor I’m actually blaming the first game loss directly onto serral. I actually very efficiently dealt with the mutalisks while teching to storm extremely fast (more on that later) and was in a very decent position. But I subconsciously felt like I needed to attack much faster than I actually had to because of the previous game (Check the Hive Drogo !! Scouting is allowed reeee) And just made the game extremely easy to play for reynor with a reckless attack.

            The second game was just a meme, another case of 12 pool, but this time even tho I scout it very late I pull all of my probes and take a very efficient fight against the zerglings, and at this exact moment I am in a very good position.

The correct play was to make a stargate in the wall and just move out with the adept and leave the zealot home.

I didn’t finish the wall and moved out with 2 units, Reynor did a runby with some more lings and I had to go home.

I then proceed to not finish the wall and moved out with 3 units, Reynor did a runby with some more lings and I had to go home.

I then proceed to move out with 2 adepts leaving 2 at home, Reynor did a runby with some more lings and I had to recall home

I then proceed to try to finish the wall but Reynor did a runby with a LOT of zerglings and I had to gg back to the lobby.

This is the kind of game where you just feel very stupid, I like to call these games failing an IQ test, because thats what they truly are.

… You win some”

            This is where I finally get the talk strategy, because there’s kind of of prerequisite to win games to be able to brag about how great of a strategical mastermind you are.

“The triple triple”

            After all the hype about the 420 DT drop, the first thing I obviously was looking for was a build that would look like a DT drop, but was actually a complete blind counter to the usual DT drop response from most zergs.

Thus came to life the triple triple, 3 gate, 3 oracles, warp twice (not 3 times rip symmetry ) and then you just go for it. The gas timing is very similar, only one adept and stalker are produced by the gateway, you have a proxy pylon from your main that can directly warp low ground so that the overlord at the natural cant see it, and the one adept boy can walk around to deny lonely lings from getting vision. All of that for an explosive cocktail that will kill a zerg making roachs expecting Dts, not having enough spores or queens to handle the triple triple squad.

Also, I’ve come to realize in practice that it’s not even that bad of a build in the first place even if scouted really early for some reason.

“Sometimes it kills 10+ workers” 

“Sometimes a lot more”

This amazing innovation of the PvZ metagame that I’m sure will be a staple in the metagame (it won’t) allowed me to take a map off Lambo and Elazer, for the other map I had to resort to the amazing build that comes next.

“This is totally an archon drop I swear you better make roachs”

            I really don’t know how to call this, You just go for the normal archon drop build except you mine more mineral and make an early forge, then take a third slightly faster than an archon drop timing and just make 4 templars super early so they can bank energy so you can do a +2 push with 8 storms extremely fast. While you’re doing the build you run around with your first few units to deny vision so the zerg gets scared and think he might have missed the prism.

Oh, and you also make a LOT of probes, I’m talking non stop, enough probes to fully saturate the third when its done.

“But Drogo, wouldn’t it be strictly better to just go storm drop? Zerg would actually see a prism and be scared and you would also do economic damage even if they make roachs !!”

And to that I say, I like to keep it simple ok, maybe next year when I actually get good at the game.

            Anyway, This build actually gives you a pretty powerful set-up in the midgame, I used it to kill the Hydra bane of Lambo and succesfully defend the nydus onslaught of Elazer (I didn’t strictly do this against elazer actually, I was pretty scared of a spooky all-in), which is usually not possible unless you were a greedy boy in the early game. So all of that gave me 2 points on the board.

“4 templars just chilling at home, Safe working conditions are too rare in the Starcraft universe” 

When the Zerg is away the Toss will play.

            For the second day I had 2 PvP, a PvT, and a lot of times on my end to prepare. So I did, I watched a ton of rail footage, and observed that he wasn’t afraid to play his ladder builds in tournament, so I was feeling fairly confident I could just win by having stronger build orders.

Little did I know this would be the hardest series of the tournament by far.

The first game felt like a walk in the park at first, you’re going 3 phoenix against fast expand forge first? There is no way in hell I am losing this. I played it a little bit safer than I could have but I was very confident in my ability to hold his 2 base push.

Turn out, I was wrong, very wrong, Rail just made a bigger army and kept warping in, and eventually our armies got to a size where his two untouched immortal he had over me actually packed quite the punch and our upgrades were equal. So even with a third nexus mining for a while, I’m losing the game.

            The second game I was sure of what he was going to do, some adepts with an expand and robo follow up, so my plan was pretty much to play with a lot of gates units and go Stargate to have good control of the game, simple plan, but effective.

The issue is, I forgot to prevent him from pylon blocking my wall, then I didn’t realise he let his pylon finish, I built my Stargate in vision of his pylon …

So yea I canceled that real fast and improvised a blink opening, a build I haven’t practiced in a really really long time, without any possibility of scouting, turned out I didn’t need to, since verdi went for his robo opening into constant presure with adepts sentry immortals, with me sitting and pure useless stalkers, down 1-0 and 30 supply, disruptor knocking at my front door, I didn’t like my odds one bit.

Oh well, sometime lucky.

I’m sure the third game will be much smoother.

Oh

Oh no (not pictured here, 3 sentries also died)

This has to be a record for the most amounts of units lost to the 2 initial adepts in a professional game

There’s almost something peaceful about being so far behind, you can just try out wacky stuff and see if it works.

Which is somehow did, after two pretty successful adept and a basetrade clearly going in my favor, I brought back an impossible game and was very happy with myself.

If you’re wondering how on earth I managed to get surprised by 2 adepts, all I can say is that I was way too confident in my preparation, as I was so sure that he was going for his safe expand double probe scout strat, I didn’t have adepts on my mind until the last 3 seconds.

Overall I would say that my preparation for this serie was very bad, even tho I spent the most time on it, even if you can tell yourself beforehand to not mindgame yourself by thinking too hard, it can still very much happen.

So after that emotional roller coaster of a series, it was time to play a PvT against big Gabe, and I had quite the revolutionary strat prepared.

“The triple triple… Again...”

            Sometime you watch one series that makes you fall in love with a strat, for me it was Zest vs Innovation where Zest defended a marine drop with 2 oracle and a phoenix, warped more adepts across the map and immediately killed Innovation, I thought to myself “I can do that” as it didn’t look too hard.

I hate Stargate openings in PvT, I truly hate them, I’m always in a good position with them but I always lose anyway, but on the other hand, I’ve loved shading adepts and oracle at random times since LOTV beta, so I thought it was worth to give it a shot, especially because I thought Gabe wouldn’t expect me to play stargate.

Worked just as planned, a refreshing turn of events after the last series.

            The second game (what game on kairos ? never happened Protoss doesn’t lose PvT remember) is what I like to call “New Year Zero, the movie”. I really think this map is incredibly protoss favored, it’s really not on everymap that starting 2 forges because you’re supply blocked and can’t start your first colossus ends up being a the best decision you could have made.

After killing the Raven and a decent chunk of bio in the middle of the map, I thought I had a real timing there, I had 5 seconds of hesitation after seeing so many liberators, but after sending an hallucination and seeing that Heromarine was Still 1/1, I decided to A move into him anyway, it was either gonna be a genius, killer instinct like move, or another brick to the monument that is the ThrowGo Legacy, a win win really.

“Sir, this is Hallucinated phoenix speaking, Terran is 1:1 you’re clear to go”

“Roger that” 

It went great and the twitch chat of that game had a very reasonable discussion about game design talking about how great it was that protoss could attack into this many liberators.

            I don’t have much to say about the last Serie vs Showtime really, I was already qualified so all the presure was off and I felt great, and I don’t think I could talk at length about great of a strategical mastermind I am for faking going phoenix and actually going Dark templars !

He didn’t exactly do what I expected to him to do so this was pretty much freestyle that worked in my favor and not anything prepared. 

“Artosis favorite unit showing us what peak starcraft is all about”

The second game was a cheese that I had seen before, Double proxy gate zealot with canon rush, I was fairly confident that it was overall pretty bad, and this game didn’t change my mind.

“The best unit against canons is actually the probe”

Amazing Gaming

            So overall it’s a 5-2 Score !! This wasn’t what I expected at all and I was obviously thrilled, too bad I failed so many IQ tests otherwise the first place would have been easily in my grasp.

I have a lot of cool new strats with weird names prepared for LA, I hope I’ll win so I get to brag once again about how smart I am ! (not really).

Hope you guys enjoyed this blog, and I would like to dedicate this victory to this chinese Stuff bear, he kept his promise and without him I would never have survived those nyduses.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvPWIAvhKSl/

For more Yee https://twitter.com/PtitDrogo 

[merianmoriarty]

Server Movie Synopsis: Barbarian

*AN: Keep in mind that these synopses will contain spoilers and may not be complete, as I rarely see the entire movie while serving for it.  These synopses are just going to be fast impressions of an Alamo Drafthouse server.  Also, I meant to post this one a week ago and kept forgetting to...*

Homegirl (her name is Tess) came to Detroit at night with no raincoat or umbrella.  You couldn’t have clicked your weather app and found out how dumb an idea that was?  Dude already in the AirBnB looks pretty sketch.  Oh, at least he understands that he seems sketch.  Creeper’s name is Keith.

Woman: “Life as a woman is hard and scary and dangerous.” Man: “That hasn’t been my experience.”  But srsly, it’s Important To The Story that she tells him she has experience freaking out quietly.  Look at us bonding over wine!  Beddy-bye.  Mama kiss you goodnight (wat i did not sign up for turn down service).  Spoooooooky.

Job interview that brought her here in the first place goes great, good job, awesome.  Interviewer is like “so where u stayin girl?” and Tess is like “oh this shady brokedown neighborhood on the edge of town.” You staying in the nasty part of town, child.  Neighborhood by daylight!  Oh damn, interview lady wasn’t kidding, this place straight-up abandoned.  Everything about the house looks nice except the front door and front porch (both are grimy with worn paint while everything else looks fresh), dun-dun-duuuuuuun.

Scary hobo tells her to stay outside, no, no, come back outside right now lady, heyyyyyyy.  No cops coming, Tess--Detroit got hella crime and you in a shitty neighborhood.  No TP?  Maybe check the spooky basement.  Ta-daaaaa.  Door closed on its own and now it’s locked whaaaaaaat.  Is that a rope coming through a hole in the wall?  Yes, pull it, good job, idiot.  Secret creepy doorway revealed! +10 Gamer Points

Nope.

Smartest thing you’ve done all day--aaaaaand you’re just reflecting some light down the creepy-ass tunnel before you go in.  Creepy Keith to the rescue!  (How tho? I missed how he got into the house, but whatev...maybe the back door was open?)

Ope, his dumbass vanish.  Oh shit he crying for help, that’s a trap for sure, but let’s keep walking.  Why are you still going, U DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY, YOU CAN GO AND BRING COPS OR FIREMEN OR SOMETHING.  Oh, there he is.  SCARY NAKED SCREAMY LADY!

New dude!  AJ Gilbride.  Everything we learn makes him more and more of a douche.  “Did you rape her?” “We fucked.  But she needed convincing.” Please die. Drunk dialing his victim, real charming.  “I’m not even mad at you about it.”  Wowwwwwwww, hurry up and go down into the basement, you skeevy prick.  Squatters in my basement how dare!  Hmmmm, how can I use this basement to fuck over prospective home buyers and get more money?

Oh flashback.  Ah, yes, this guy always plays creeps (geometry says his face is suited for it because his cheeks are gaunt and his brows are low on a forehead with a pronounced widow’s peak--The More You Know!).  Talks his way into a house, leaves bathroom window unlatched--actual B&E strategy.  What’s in the truuuuunk???  Into the basement.  Screaming girl but nobody gonna hear that.

AJ, meet Tess.  If you must freak out, pls do so quietly.  AJ does not freak out quietly.  AJ, meet Mama.  Baby bottle drinky drinky.  Ope, he too loud, time for one-on-one parenting.  Run, Tess, ruuuuuuuun.

Scary hobo knows what’s what.  Mama comes out at night, but the water tower has been his Safe Space for fifteen years.  No, Tess has to call the cops and go rescue this guy she just met!  LOL Tess looks like a druggie, ain’t nobody gonna believe her.  Cops won’t help?  Tess has Little Red Hen syndrome...  Yeah, totally got Mama!  Save AJ!  Mama is no longer there and now we have no getaway vehicle!  Run to the water tower!  Ah, we’re safe here, been safe here for fifteen--ope, nevermind.  (We Have Had 0 Days Since Our Last Wookiee-Style Beat-Down!)  WELL TESS IT’S YOU OR ME AND OBVIOUSLY IT CAN’T BE ME BECAUSE I’M THE BEST EVEN THOUGH I SHOT YOU IN A FIT OF PARANOIA SO I’M GONNA JUST THROW YOU OFF THE WATER TOWER AND HOPE MAMA DIVES AFTER HER BABY.

Oh look, Mama broke your fall.  You’re not dead, great.   I didn’t try to kill you, it was a premeditated accident.  MAMA WILL SAVE YOU FROM THE BAD MAN.

Bang.  *cue Be My Baby by The Ronettes* (yes really)

Featuring white boys doing the dumb, a black woman who should know better, the Night King himself, and a huge mess that will not need to be explained because someone will just write it off to drug violence because Detroit.  The Moral of Today’s Story Is:  men think they’re not being threatening but at the most primal level of perception they absolutely are and a woman who hasn’t been socialized to shut up and take it will react with lethal violence.  A very slow starter, feels much longer than it is, not a particularly satisfying ending (not in the “what the hell kind of ending was that?” sense but more of a “...*blink blink*...huh...” sense).

[imagine-wannaone]

Park Jihoon Vampire Au

Word count: 3.3k

This was a request for a Jihoon Vampire au and rlly loved writing this so yanno, I’d love to write a vamp au for another member as well ;) Also I had no idea how to make a lil header for this one so I didn’t?? Sorry about that, I’d ask Otter admin but like she seems busy lately so whoops

Things crossed out - Commentary from me

Things in bold - Commentary from Editor Katie

Things in italic - Commentary from Otter Admin because she’s special

OG Admin

• Your school wasn't exactly known for being an accepting place for vamps, (no shit sherlock) • I mean they survived there, sure, but you couldn't say they were widely accepted, so they tried to stay within their own groups and the majority of them caused no trouble, • You didn't quite understand the prejudice towards them, like yeah they could be very dangerous, but all of the ones that attended school showed no signs of being the corrupt, evil type, • But there was one vampire in particular, whenever anyone said anything it really made you angry, • He looked soft and kind, he never did anything that could cause any conflict, he was clever and gentle, and definitely very pretty, • And shy, • You'd smiled at him in the corridors before, to which he'd avoided eye contact, • Or you'd say hi if waiting nearby, or try to chat if you sat near each other in class, to which he'd turn away with a light blush on his ghostly pale skin, • (Legit Editor Katie tho she pale af) • You just wanted to be nice, but it upset you - the thought you made him uncomfortable, • Or maybe he wasn't shy, as most of the vamps at school acted this way towards you, and you were pretty sure it was because they were afraid you'd bring trouble, like most other humans, • You understood of course, but it didn't stop your simple smiles in the corridors, • But you're walking down the halls with some friends towards a geography class, • Gotta learn about some rivers amiright, (Moana is quaking) • But you hear shouting from down the corridor which makes your blood change to cold, • "-You dirty bloodsucking parasites need to stay in the night where God doesn't have to look at you," • Wow you're off to start a fight (งツ)ว • lmao a verbal one, physical fights are stupid,  • You approach from behind, spotting the guy that has Jihoon himself in a corner, looking down nervously, like he wanted to be anywhere but there, • "You're such a weak, bigoted blood bag," • You march right in there, shoving the guys shoulder back to stand next to Jihoon, the blood gushing through your ears, threatening to deafen you, • The boy has too much silver jewellery and a cross around his neck and you want to scoff, • Why make so much effort just to make someone uncomfortable? What's the point? • "You're always picking on vamps when, what? What did Jihoon do to trigger you? Simply walked past? Is your self control honestly so nonexistent you can't even keep your disgusting thoughts to yourself? You should work on that," • Wow the words just tumbling out what to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (-me to them peeps calling daehwi gay/greedy) • You didn’t think them through, and they're not what you'd imagined saying in the scenario you ran through your head every single time this happened, • But they're enough to make the brute stare at you in disbelief as you grab Jihoon's hand, still in a rage, and march him the hell outta there • Your adrenaline is running because you've finally done it, done what you'd always wanted to do • What someone (or everyone, really) should have done a long time ago, • You go to lead Jihoon outside but then realize there's only so much sun cream can do, so change direction to the school’s theater, where you know there's no lessons so it'll be dark • "Hey are you okay?" • You spin around to face him once you've arrived alone in the theater lobby, but you can't see him well in the gloom • You wonder how bad a vamp’s eyesight is in the day, if it's this bad and they just rely on their other senses • "You shouldn't have done that, they're going to pick on you as well now," • His quite voice is concerned and wary, it makes your heart ache • You head over to where the seats are probably are and successfully sit on one, not falling over in the dark • "Let them try," • You believe it • You may be known for being nice, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a sharp tongue and a strong passion • If people started to distance themselves from you now, you'd know who your true friends were • And you were definitely prepared to use your language, maybe even a few other ones as well, to make sure people knew you didn't give a shit about their prejudice opinions • And you definitely weren't going to let it stand anymore • Jihoon's quiet as he thinks over what you say, within the blink of an eye you can feel his cold presence sat near you • He doesn't quite understand you • Not at all • He doesn't understand why you stood up for him, what you have to gain, why you'd make yourself a target • Why someone he'd always viewed as so soft and kind, someone he tried to stay away from as to no be misfortune to, would voluntarily come to save him from an idiot in the hallway • He'd bite back, but he doesn't want the reputation of vampires to decrease even more, and he doesn't exactly see how it'd help, so he stays silent and resolute • But that confrontation is the beginning of a whole new life for you • A lot of your 'friends' started to distance themselves from you, or straight up told you they thought you were an idiot • Like it hurt, sure, but you stood by the fact that you were sick of the inequality, • You started to walk to classes more with Jihoon, your timetables startlingly similar • Not only because you could defend him easily when you're with him, but with your dwindling number of friends, you didn't have many other people to walk with • Not that you minded as much, you were glad you'd gotten rid of toxic people and were left with true friends

• Y'all 2k18 the year to get rid of toxic friendships (I should know rip) (-mood) • But one night it's like 2am and you're like???? I want to be free, go for a walk and buy some chocolate raisins because living on edge is fun • So that's exactly what you go to do • And you're walking back to your house in pitch black, feeling spooky™ and actually regretting your independence because something feels really off • Yeah I think we all know where this is going • You spot a pale, tall figure (everyone’s tall to u bro) behind you through a closed shop window, you instantly know it's a vamp (I’m 5′0″ legit I’m dying down here) • And you can hear them walking behind you, which means they're close because vampires are known for sneaking • And you will your heart beat to come down because you're 100% sure he can hear it and probably smell it • And you're just figuring out what to do as you speed walk down the street, • You can't run, vampires are speedy and they have better vision, you can't fight; they're stronger than humans • You're just about to start screaming when an icy hand wraps around your wrist, and you start to turn around to fight back, because what more can ya do, when you recognise the cologne, the height, the hair (I remember everyone’s height because they’re aLL TALLER THAN ME) • Wow Jihoon knows when to drop in, • He's gripped your wrist to make sure you stay behind him as he growls (exo is quakin), a terrifying hiss you'd never associate with someone as soft as Jihoon, at the dangerous stalker you had acquired  • Despite this, the feral vamp still lunges, dark sunken eyes focused onto you, almost oblivious of Jihoon • You guess he's hungry, and would feel bad if he wasn't making an attempt on your life • But I guess your own will to live outweighs your ability for sympathy, • (Can't relate) • But Jihoon skilfully spins you away before catching the attacker and basically throwing that bitch into a wall like shit man he got that pOwER • (By EXO is a bop), • You're shook because Jihoon, don't kill the already undead lil shit pls have some manners  • But then he grabs your hand and quickly leads you away like bruh slow down I'm only human, • "I'm so so sorry y/n, are you okay? Why are you out so late?" • You laugh at him as he stops you in a shadow of the already dark night, and wrap your arms around his shoulders tightly, • He's tense at first because human contact?? Why aren't u afraid imma drink your blood god dammit??? •And Jihoon can hear your blood and he's trying so hard not to smell it because you're in his arms and it'd be too easy, too evil (oh nonononono jeojang you ain’t gettin none of my blood) • But he wraps his arms loosely around you and sighs, calming himself down from the rage he felt when he'd seen you in imminent danger • Because this person protects him with everything they have in the day and damn if he wasn't going to finally return the favor • "Why sorry, Jihoon, you just saved my life, god, thank you so much," • You jump back and beam at him because nothing in your whole language can tell him how much you love him in that moment • "It's a vampire, he shouldn't have done that, I'm just sorry," • You can't stand the way Jihoon looks, ashamed and disappointed, • "Don't be stupid, it's not your fault, there are feral people in every race," (-me to haters) • Jihoon's dark eyes stare into yours for a second; you feel as if you're being weighed up, but you stare back, letting him run through whatever thought process he's going through • "You should be careful when you’re out so late, there's too many people like that," • He softens instantly, running his eyes across you, checking to see if you're still in one piece, a hand subconsciously running through your hair, and tilting your head side to side to check the veins in your neck were untouched • The cold of his hands tickle, and the sensation sends tingles down your spine but you don't say anything, just wait till he's done and hold up your bag from the shop • He sighs with a smile, he gently places his hand in between your shoulder blades, pushing forward carefully as the two of you begin walking • "Let's get you home," • Honestly after that night you're shook at how different Jihoon was • In school he's quiet and polite, keeping to himself • But damn this Jihoon almost body slammed someone and talked with utter confidence in his element (i mean have you seen his bice-nope not getting wrekt today bitches) • You loved it tbh the real boy was showing and you were his no.1 fan • You find yourself walking home together the next day, you don't live that close but his house is sort of on the way to yours so it works • And you don't want anyone to pick on him in the daylight when he's alone because some people are absolute jerks • You hold your umbrella high to cover mainly Jihoon as the sun lies in the sky; again, there's only so much incredibly strong sun cream made for vampires can do, and you know the sun still stung, so you bought along your very handy, black umbrella for protection • Jihoon smiled at you when you first brought it out, and you let it make your stomach flip • "You know, I was thinking," • His voice is quiet, soft, weaker, as it always is in the day, and you raise your eyebrows questioningly, to which he huffed at you • "I think you should give me your phone number," • Wow you legit choke • Jihoon takes the umbrella carefully from your arm so you don't have to hold it so high for him, smiling softly at you • "You're a very straightforward guy, let me tell you that," • He laughs at that as you pass him your phone • "You like to go out at night right? Like some freedom? Since you stick up for me at school, I think whenever you want to go out, call me. I'll accompany you and fight off any bad guys," • "Maybe I'll take you up on that," • You swipe your phone back after he’s texted you and pinch his cool cheek making a light blush appear • "Honestly though, please call whenever you want, I'm always awake at night because of the whole, yanno, vamp thing, and I'd like to-" • " Y/n, Jihoon!" • One of your close friends call, running across the road towards the two of you, cutting him off • You're on edge because like??? What would he like to do???? But your friend has good intentions as they join the two of you and happily chat, and you decide you'll just have to leave it a mystery • But from then on you two are honestly your own tiny squad • Jihoon becomes more open with you, more talkative at school and happier whenever you're near, sitting with his vampire friends but sometimes joining you as well • Because he's now more confident that this isn't just a one sided friendship, that he takes and you give, but he now knows he can help you as well and it lifts his non beating heart • And you're not, by nature, supposed to be a nocturnal animal but you swear you're turning into one • You always sleep as soon as you get home from school and spend your nights walking around at night with Jihoon, chatting and relishing in the silence of the darkness and the secrets the stars hold • Your secrets; you've told them how he makes your arms tingle and heart race and how you'd protect him with not only your voice, even though you know he probably doesn't need to be protected • (Ofc he does, even strong ass people need to be protected sometimes, y'all let yourself be soft) • But honestly you're so glad you snapped that day in the corridor • "Okay but what if you're totally evil after all and you're just lulling me into your lair?” • You question isn't invalid, Jihoon has your hand in his chilly one, but it's nice in the summer air, • It's pitch black, possibly 12 or 1 A.M, and Jihoon is leading you through a nearby park, you can feel shrubbery around you but you have no idea what's happening • "Do you honestly trust me so little?" • Jihoon's super speed surprises you all of the time, so when he suddenly wraps his arms around your shoulder and whispers to your ear when he was leading in front 0.28472 seconds ago you're definitely shook • He lowers his voice in an imitation to scare you but it only makes you crack up • You laugh and push forward, spinning around so he can see your face, even though you can't see him properly, only a faint white glow • You sense him sitting down, and he tugs your hand so you can join him, knees bumping together • "What can I say, I bet my blood taste great," • He chokes a laugh at that, which makes your head snap to where you know he is • "What are you laughing at? You think my blood taste bad? Are you insulting me Park Jihoon?" • Your mock offence makes him laugh again, and that sound is the only fuel you'll ever need again, you feel like you could live off it, the ring of this vampires laugh • "Quite the opposite, you don't know how tempting it is," • I mean this could make things awkward, but it's you and Jihoon, so you giggle and take it as a compliment, you know he'd never do something like that without permission • "Well maybe one day, Mr. Park, when you've fought off a gang of evil vampires and forgotten to drink your bag of animal blood for breakfast, I'll let you," • He hums at that and looks to the stars, and you take up tracing the dark veins that weave across his bare arms, wondering how it all works, how vampires work, how they live, how people live with such hate built in their hearts towards those who are different • "Why did you do it, that day? Why did you shout for me?" • You, in turn, hum at this, and send him a smile • "You obviously weren't going to, and I was sick of the meaningless hate you got," • You state your thoughts as they are, not altering them, you'd never had to alter them for your vampire friend, so why now • "You have no idea how hot that makes you," (smooth, fam) • Wow Jihoon has a talent for making you choke on your breath, because once again his straight forward words make you blush a deep ruby • It seems Jihoon wasn't going to change his thoughts for you either • "Pardon me?" • You raise your eyebrows at him with a smile, playing laid back even though you know he can hear your heartbeat speeding up • Like jeez wow you can't hide anything • "The way you didn't care; you didn't care and you still don’t. You don't care that people call you a rat, carrying a parasite, or whatever. You were brave, because you didn't like the inequality and the fact you think outside of the box and do whatever you can just to make me feel more...more included. Just how you stand for what you believe, that's pretty beautiful" • It isn't exactly poetry, and it doesn't get across how Jihoon feels to the extent he wants it to, but you understand the message, and that's all that matters honestly • "It's what you deserve, Jihoon," • His dark eyes stare at you then, closer than you remember • "You think? You think I deserve something so wonderful?" • "I know, silly, I don't only think," • He goes silent again at that, tracing patterns with his cold hands onto your palm • You can guess what he's thinking • All through his school life he's been told he was dirt and an inconvenience, an insect, (a stuck-up half witter scruffy-looking nerf-herder,) • So when someone finally tells him he's worth something? He deserves something good? • He's stumped, and you know he's trying to get his head around it • "Y/n, I'm trying not to kiss you right now," • Bitch okay he may be thinking that as well • "As long as you promise not to lose your head and try to drain me of my blood, then I think there's no reason in trying not to, if I'm being honest," • His eyes b u r n like shit that's intense okay • His spare hand, the one not constantly drawing patterns onto your arm, the same steady cold as they always had been, moves to rest on the back of your neck • It makes your hair stand up and goose-bumps to jump and run along your neck • "I can't say I can promise anything," • His voice is soft again before he presses his lips to yours, gentle as he always had been with you, and it makes your head spin wildly • Your hands jump up his spine in a dance of emotion and tangle into his dark hair • Jihoon is just lost in your warmth, the warmth of your heart and the warmth of your hands and lips • The two of you gaze at the sky later, making promises and telling truths you thought only the sky would ever know • You've never felt as if someone else could make you feel like one, whole, but with a cold hand encircling yours, your head resting on his soft stomach, no words have ever made more sense to you

[cursewoodrecap]

Session 2: Academics and Debates

Due to DnD being scheduling hell, Clem the fighter is Definitely Standing Just Offscreen this session. Meanwhile, the DM introduces two mechanics he has been dying to try out: Corruption, and the Deck. 

There will be a full post about Corruption later (when DM tells us how the rest of it works, lol) but the point is this: the longer you stay in the cursed forest, the deeper you go, the more you experience there - the more cursed you become. It corrupts you. You can earn corruptions in various ways - cosmetic (looking more monstrous and less humanoid); psychological (e.g. feeling a compulsion for bloodlust or gaining a terrible phobia); or others I have forgotten about right now, at 9:50pm, while eating lasagna. 

Certain things that happen when in the woods give you points toward a score called Taint. (Heh heh heh.) We, uh, lost our Taint virginity this session. (No, DM, we will not stop. You brought this upon yourself.)

The Deck is a deck of cards used to determine encounters. Again, full post later, but it has such cards as “The Hunt,” “The Crown,” “The Wanderer,” etc. Each one can symbolize multiple things. For example, “The Crown” represents authority and government, so it could mean help from Duke Shieldeater’s forces - or it could mean a dangerous clash with enemy soldiers. 

ANYWAY, STUFF HAPPENED:

We woke in the Temple of Rack in the village of Ovruch, early in the grey dawn hours. There was brief scramblin’ around as the players did math to figure out how much starting wealth we all had and how much spare change those bandits had left lying around for us. Valeria spent some of the money overnight to make some Holy Water.

We scooted on out of the town without really saying much to anyone - the few people awake and the guards on patrol were definitely giving us Looks, but we didn’t really stop to chat.

Shoshana leads the way towards the ravine she had directed Sir Balderich to. Even in the 8 months since she’s been out in this direction, the woods have gotten darker and more foreboding, alarmingly tangled and twisted. A decent Survival check does right by us, and DM directs Shoshana, as the one rolling it, to draw a card from the Deck. She draws The Crown.

The Crown: Authority, government. A bit of good luck (and perhaps DM guilt?) leads us to a fortuitous find: an abandoned cart bearing the seal of the Royal House of Valdia, smashed and overgrown. There’s a strongbox off to the side, nestled in a hard-to-see place, miraculously untouched by bandits. Gral examines it, wondering if he might be able to coax open the lock...when the pommel of a shining sword just slams down and smashes the lock mechanism to smithereens. Thanks for the crit, Valeria.

We find: 100gp, 4 jewelry items of 25gp value each (1 mirror, 1 bracelet, and 2 rings), a silver dagger (given to Gral), and a bladeless sword hilt carved in runes. Gral and Shoshana determine that the sword hilt is not evil and probably magic, but hell if we know what it does.

We travel onward, and Valeria draws the next card: The Wanderer. The DM cannot suppress his glee, because he has an NPC he really really likes and it’s time to use him!

We hear shouting in a strange language - Draco-Aquilian, which only Valeria knows. Also generally crashing mayhem noises. We hustle on closer, and Valeria understands that the person is shouting “OH GOD! LIGHTNING DOESN’T WORK! LIGHTNING DOESN’T WOOOORK!”

There is a cart, drawn by two lizardlike beasts of burden. There is a Shambling Mound trying to engulf the cart and its inhabitants. Two Goliaths, a male and a female, are all tangled up in the thing, and there is a skinny, fancily-dressed blue Dragonborn generally panicking atop the cart. Being PCs, we attempt to kick butt. It eats Valeria (a helpful Goliath pulls her out), Shoshana sprays it with weedkiller, and we all go “???!?! WE ARE LEVEL 2″ but we don’t die. Valeria uses a Smite of some sort that looks like glowing vines snake through its plant form and burst into roses!!! It’s very Sailor Moon. Valeria gains 3 Taint for dropping to 0 HP while in a Cursed area.

The fancy Dragonborn hops down from the damaged cart and addresses Valeria in Draco-Aquilian, which nobody else speaks. “Greetings! I certainly must say, I did not expect to be rescued by a Knight of the Rose! I am Lucinius Galvan, Professor of Archaeology of the University of Aurentium!” He and Valeria chat a moment - “Argent? Oh I’m sure I’ve heard that name-” “Daughter of Renata and Bastion of the Silver Steppes.” “Oh, of course! The princess who became a knight! I’m merely an Earl myself-”

a) Yes, I wrote down your lore, feel free to correct my spelling; b) They’re speaking Fancy Dragon Words so the other characters don’t know any of this.

We also meet his Goliath bodyguards, Bjorn and Ingborg, who speak...not that much Valdian. They are Vangarians - part of a highly professional force of mercenaries rented out by the Draco-Aquilian Emperor. Extremely practical in the face of nonsense. Lucinius, meanwhile, requests them to bring out Tea! and Fancy Teacups! and Breakfast! and little stools to sit on! Bjorn complies, long-sufferingly. Shoshana is Awkward Turtle about fancy rich people things, and Gral is pretty suspicious but definitely has some jam and toast.

“I say! Are you local to this area, madam?” he inquires. Turns out he’s searching for some Aquilian ruins in the area, and Shoshana is able to give him decent directions to the spot she used to play in as a child. He describes his research - there’s a presentation, with visual aids. Bjorn tries to save us from having to sit through it, but academia cannot be stopped. Why did the Aquilian Empire never conquer the Greatwood? We must DO ARCHAEOLOGY about it!!!

Also, he identifies the mysterious sword hilt as, functionally, a scroll of Flame Blade. Neat! Due to a conversational mix up between etymology and entomology, he gives us a magic beetle that acts as a floating lamp. We love our Rune Beetle. (He pulls it out of “one of his many pockets,” and is immediately declared to be wearing the world’s fanciest Tacky Fisherman Vest.)

He’s ready to cheerfully forge on into the forest! Gral and Shoshana quietly pull Bjorn aside and warn him that the Cursewood is, like, super cursed? Did you guys not notice??? Bjorn and Ingborg thank us for the information, and continue on their way, almost certainly figuring out how to put a child leash on the adorable fancylizard.

Gral draws the third and final card of the night: The Outlaw. We come across a small camp: the bandits who attacked Ovruch the night before. Gral overhears them - their leader, the largest and most imposing, is threatening the others into compliance. They are uneasy - the wolves ran away last night after the werewolf was killed; can they trust the freaks in the ravine not to betray them? Doesn’t matter! The freaks in the ravine will eat them if they don’t cooperate, and they’ll get better loot by working with ‘em. 

Shoshana is like “welp,” and rolls up her sleeves, but Valeria very nobly goes “NO, there must be Another Way.”

“Uh, you do realize those are the guys who KILLED INNOCENT PEOPLE yesterday, right?”

“And we just heard they’re being coerced! We don’t have to just kill them.”

Valeria strides into the bandit camp in a Nonthreatening Pose, weapons down. The bandits all jump to alertness, because Large Dragonperson In Armor, Oh No. She begins to offer them another option - we don’t know if she’s thought of one yet, but dang does she roll well on her Persuasion check to get them to listen. The bandits are going “...hmm, IS there another way?” but their leader, the madness of the Curse in his eyes, orders them to attack.

We kick their butts; Valeria deliberately nonlethals the bandit leader into unconsciousness. Gral offers the other bandits a harsh but fair option out: “Travel south, to where Duke Shieldeater’s forces are clear-cutting forest in order to hold back the Curse. Volunteer yourself for manual labor there. You will be treated fairly, if you work. In your spare time you will learn Orcish, for we have need of translators.”

The bandits, who have all gained Brooklyn accents, say, “Okay, deal, but...your friend there ain’t gonna kill us as we leave, is she?”

Because as they spoke, Shoshana had definitively Chill Touched their leader to death.

She agrees she’s not going to kill the bandits, but they better get the fuck out of here.

We also grill the bandits for information on The Hunt, which is what the “freaks in the ravine” call themselves. We learn that they sleep with wolves around them, and those that disagree with them are hunted for sport. There are traps set up around the perimeter of their territory - that’s how they captured the knight, who they are now keeping in some kind of cage. The bandits are unsure of the identity of the main leader - there was Lupo, the werewolf we killed last night, but they mostly listen to this Weird Guy In A Hood. Also, there is a huntress-woman, an archer girl. Shoshana freezes, and carefully asks who the huntress is, and what she looks like. They say she’s spooky; the shadows cling to her.

The knight is caged in the ravine, the part where it gets supernaturally dark. Most of the camp is outside The Darkness, but there’s a cave down there where the Huntress and the Weird Hooded Guy and Lupo lived. They bring the bandit leaders down there sometimes, to show them who’s in charge.

Also there’s this war-boar running around, with a dead Demish knight still strapped to its back?

We let the bandits (whose accents have swapped to Southern) escape, and then Valeria and Shoshana have what some folks call a “spirited ethical debate,” which in layman’s terms means they are PISSED at each other.

Valeria is shocked and appalled that Shoshana would kill an unconscious man. Especially when the bandits were surrendering and cooperating! Monstrous and brutal behavior. How could you?

Shoshana angrily stands by her decision. “How many people did those men kill last night?” she asks. “People I grew up with. And you think letting these bandits go free is worth letting them do that to innocent people again? Their leader was already Curse-mad. Too far gone.” (To be fair, she is too pissed off in the moment, and her player too awkward, to articulate her position this eloquently.)

Valeria erases 3 Taint for doing something so noble and heroic against the will of the Curse. Shoshana gains 3 Taint for acting in a way encouraged by the Curse.

With nothing to do but simmer at each other, and Gral diplomatically not choosing a side out loud, there is nothing to do but move on.

DM agrees that we could take a long rest now and reach the ravine by 4 or 5 pm. We jump at the chance to get our spell slots back, but each take 3 Taint for spending so long out here in the cursed lands.

All characters are now level 3.

[cheritzbullshitz]

Dandelion Head-Cannons: Playing horror games w/you

It looks like people are starting to come back to this fandom a little bit, huh? :D

idea from an adorable-ass mystic messenger post. I would link it if I remembered who made it

also I thought of Until Dawn when writing this but any scary game with some sort of plot-line you like will probably(?) work

also also this headcannon (my first one!) has the dandelion gang written in it, but I might add the wizard and maybe Heejung(?) here if anyone wants me to enough idrk

Enjoy! :D

Jiwoo:

-Jiwoo was reading some shitty romance novel in Heejung’s room when he heard you scream

-omg wERE YOU OKAY?

-he chucked his book across the room and ran out to see

-he ran back to pick up his book, save his page, and then ran back out the room

-saw you sitting on the couch with all the lights off and gripping the controller like a madman

-oh

-”How dARE YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT, (NAME)!”

-”What are you even playing that made you scream like that?”

-you explained what you’re playing and he practically had sparkles in his eyes when he said “Pshh! Give me the controller. Your strong boyfriend can handle this way better than you.”

-he can’t

-when the first jumpscare came up, his ears stood straight up on end it’s so cute omfg. He screamed louder than you probably ever could, dropping the controller and reaching for the closest thing around him to wrap his arms around for protection, which was you

-you wrapped an arm around him too, patting his back, and teased him with a big ol’ smirk the one he fucking hated so much

-”My strong boyfriend can handle this way better than me, huh?”

-he threw your hand off his back and launched back out of your arms with a light tinge of red on his face, shouting “SH-SHUT UP!”

-it’s so cute

-you offer to take the controller but he’s just...

-he externally ain’t having any of that, even though internally he desperately wants to shove it into your hands, turn into a rabbit, and cower into the couch cushions

-after awhile, you just give up asking even though he really doesn’t want you to

-when he ends up accidentally killing his favourite character, he gets so sad and frustrated

-he literally screamed “NO!” at the top of his lungs

-he was even tearing up poor bby

-you decide he’s had enough

-you turn off the game, turn on the lights (without any complaints from him) and spend the rest of the evening comforting him

-he fought you at first, but once you’ve fought back enough, he kinda just gave in to your love

-you end up rubbing his back with his head in your lap, telling him everything’s okay

-”Everything is NOT OKAY, (NAME).”

-he appreciates it a lot, but he definitely won’t be telling you that

Jisoo:

-he and you are cuddling on the couch together, watching Gordon Lambsy yell at some chefs

-Jisoo doesn’t give a shit about the people and is just staring at all the food all googly-eyed

-you, out of boredom, asked whether he wanted to play this horror game with you

-he never played one before, but playing games with you were always fun (or in the case of rage-games, always an experience at least) so he’s like hell yeah, even though he doesn’t entirely know what a horror game is

-before you guys started playing, you got up and hit the lights, which made him raise an eyebrow but he didn’t really bother to ask you

-you started the game and oh boi

-he understood why they were called horror games real quick

-he jumped every time there was a jumpscare and even screamed once but quickly covered it up with some noise he thought was manly enough

-it sounded like “AAAAAAAAAAaaargh! Ugh! Ahem!”

-you were fucking laughing so hard oml

-you teased him about it and he was like “Hey! A-at least I’m coping better than you!” his voiced cracked really badly too but you were already laughing so you couldn’t say anything

-you guys kept playing but he really wasn’t complaining at all. Every time something spooky started happening he got the opportunity to be your knight in shining armour (aka. he’d wrap an arm around your torso, and when you got really scared, he’d nuzzle his face into your neck) and when you got jumpscared you clung to him tightly like him to you most of the time

-he had fun with you, as he always did

Jiyeon:

-Jiyeon found this horror game he wanted to play with you

-”(Name), you have to play this with me! I wanted to play it by myself, but I was just too scared~!” He whined to you adorably, tears in his eyes.

-yeah right, Jiyeon. He’s just using this as an excuse to snuggle you and he knows it.

-you, of course, agreed

-because he kept on lying telling you how scared he was, you took control over the controller

-this boy was making it real hard for you to play, because throughout your whole playthrough, he was just all over you

-every time anything remotely spooky happened, he’d just take the opportunity to shove his face into any and every part he could

-your face, your stomach, once even your boobs

-you were just like “Yeah, you’re not that innocent. Get outta there.” and pulled him out, meanwhile he’s just trying not to laugh and keep up his wholesome cutie-pie facade.

-“Huh? What are-*snerk* you t...ta-*giggle* talking about, (Name)?”

-eventually, he shoved his faced into your crotch ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

-he didn’t stop there though he’s Jiyeon. Do you really think he would?

-he started nuzzling it over and over, not directing any attention away from it speaking of attention this boi rn

-”Jiyeon, what are you doing?”

-”What do you mean?” he cooed, looking up at you with big, doe eyes and giving a questioning expression

-”Oh, drop the act. I think you know.”

-he had this devious little smirk on when he flirted ”Is that true?”

-long story short, you both kinda forgot about the game and had fun “entertaining” one another ( ͡0 ͜ʖ ͡0) lol I’m not sorry

Jihae:

-Jihae was in the kitchen cooking something when suddenly he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and hug him from behind

-”Guess who?” you chirped gleefully

-he knew who it was long before you said anything

-he smiled softly, interlacing the pair of hands with his own

-”I have a good guess.”

-”Well~? Guess!”

-”Oh, alright then. I’m guessing they have a wonderful smile, eyes I could get lost in, the ability to light up my life like never before, and are the love of my life. Am I correct?”  this adorable bastard is fucking gonna give me cavities from how sweet he is oml it hurts

-you turned him around and gave him a kiss on the cheek *if you’re normal-sized you’d probably have to jump in order to kiss him, and if your short, you’d jump up and hook your arms around their neck, forcing them to bend over when you hit the ground enough for you to kiss them - Jihae’s tall af*

-”Wanna be my backseat gamer? I’m gonna start playing a game.”

-”Uhh...” He glanced over at what he was cooking. He’d loved to hang out with you, but he didn’t want what he was making to burn. “Of course, my love, (yes, I know he calls you “my lady” in the game, but I wanna make this gender-neutral as possible, okay? If you actually have a problem with it, just read it as your name idk) but I may not be able to play with you for long.”

-he turned down the stove to its lowest heat before going with you

-once you started the game up, he was rather intrigued by the story, but he just couldn’t get his mind off his possibly burning food

-that is, until you started to get scared

-mama bird/papa bunny mode: activated

-absolutely every last drop of attention was shifted from his food to you

-immediately grabs your hand to comfort you

-”Oh my goodness (Name), are you alright? What happened? Why are you so afraid?”

-you tell him it’s the game but before you can tell why you’re playing it...

-”Oh, my love, we don’t have to play this game at all if you wish. I don’t care if I’m having fun with the game, if you start feeling in any way uncomfortable, especially scared, I can turn it off immediately. My love, I apologize deeply for not noticing any sooner. I should have been paying more attention to you. Here, allow me to turn off the-”

-”W-wait, I didn’t save!”

-Jihae, Jihae, Jihae. I love you, but boy need some CHILL. He’s too fucking sweet.

-you explained to him what you’re playing and why you want to play it despite it being scary, and he’s still just so worried

-”Alright, but please know that I can turn it off for you at literally any time you wish. If you feel like it’s too scary for you to handle, or you think that you might end up having a nightmare later tonight, at any moment in time-”

-”Jihae.”

-”...Yes?”

-you gave this big boy a reassuring squeeze of his hand, showing him how much you appreciated his caring nature god, would he be such a good dad

-”It’s fine, okay?”

-”...Okay.”

-from then on, he didn’t ask you again if you wanted him to turn it off, but he didn’t leave your side while watched you play, for moral support of course.

-if anything remotely scary happened in the game, he’d wrap both arms around you

-when something actually scared you, he’d be there to play with your hair and whisper to you over and over “It’s okay. It’s alright, my love.”

-once, you got scared so badly you hid yourself in his hair

-he was blushing so hard it was so cute to him

-alas, all good things come to an end

-out of the blue, you both smelt something strange in the air

-before you could ask him if he knew what it could be, he jumped up and shouted “YOUR FOOD!” and dashed out of the room with lightning speed

-your food…?

-oh no

-he was cooking before

-you dashed out the room and into the kitchen to see Jihae panicking over the small kitchen fire over the stove

-you joined in on the panicking and scrambled to put out the fire along with him

-he turned off the stove cautiously as you filled up a nearby pot with water

-you dumped the water onto the fire, putting it out almost instantly

-Jihae had this look on his face that just seemed so...sad. Sorry, and sad. It hurt your heart to look at it

-”(Name), I am so very sorry about this.” He sighed. “This was supposed to be (your favourite food), but alas, due to my ignorance, not only has your food literally gone up in flames, I endangered your life in the process. I can only ask for your condolences for to my actions.”

-bby Jihae it was a tiny flame that was literally smaller than your hand. It’s 100% fine.

-You smiled at him. He was gonna surprise you with your favourite food

-”Jihae, don’t get so hung-up about it. I love just the fact that you would go out of your way to do anything for me, even if I don’t end up eating it at all.”

-you give him a big ol’ hug and he’s sincerely happy he got to be with someone as loving and forgiving as you

Adult! Jieun:

-oh god I haven’t played seen his route in awhile. Jieun fans please be merciful on thee (>~<)

-you had just finished chopping up some apple slices for him, all with the skin peeled off, just the way he liked it

-when you walked up to him with a plate of apples, his eyes lit up like stars in a forest’s night sky

-this precious son of a bitch

-you took the opportunity to do something a cute couple would do and offered to feed him

-”If it makes you happy, you do not need my permission.”

-”Say ‘ah’, Jieun.”

-”Oh woah, Jieun. Slow down, heheh.”

-”OH MY GOD, JIEUN SLOW THE HELL DOWN JESUS CHRIST I CAN’T KEEP UP.”

-...well then.

-that was supposed to be cute, but it turned out to be exhausting

-hmm

-you still wanted to do something relationship-y with him though, because that didn’t really count

-ummm

-oh! A horror game could work! You guys could end up snuggling together (out of fear, but still)

-”Jieun, you wanna watch me play a game? It’ll be fun~.”

-”Yes. Spending time with you is often fun.”

-aw

-you started the game up and motioned for Jieun to sit closely next to you

-he did

-you wrapped your arm around his waist and started playing

-”Oh…” Jieun sheepishly murmured

-”This is...nice, (Name).” He shyly cooed, blushing slightly and shuffling a little closer to you

-once the lights were off and the game started getting eerie, he and you both got afraid.

-when the first actual scare came up, he jumped and gasped slightly, his rabbit ears standing straight up he’s so cute, you guys

-you got scared too, and he asked you why you might play something like this if you get scared while playing it

-you tried to explain to him how getting scared was strangely kinda fun and also gave you the opportunity to cuddle him

-”I don’t understand how being scared could be fun, but if you enjoy it…”

-he kept on getting scared, so you held him closer to you, and he wrapped himself around you in return, but he still was getting really spooked

-so you paused the game, stood up, left the room he was terrified at the thought of you leaving, so you had to convince him you’d be as fast as possible, and eventually he let you go, but not without the lights turned on for him, grabbed a big blanket, dragged it back to the room, to see Jieun cowering into the couch cushions, covering his eyes with his bunny ears. Poor bby Jieun! and wrapped yourselves in its warmth

-he immediately calmed down

-when it was combined with your arm back around his waist, he actually passed out on your shoulder

-you practically had a heart attack it was so cute

-you decided to join him in his nap

-you laid Jieun down and spooned with him, him being the little spoon

-despite just playing a horror game, with him in your arms, you fell asleep relatively easy

[kingfallstranscripts-blog]

Episode 16 : Santa Claus Ain’t Comin’ To Town

(King Falls AM theme plays)

Ben: You are off the charts excited, Sammy. Are you sure this isn’t about Christmas vacation?

Sammy: Not at all. I’ve just finally got something big to bring to the table, spooky stuff wise, and I cannot wait.

Ben: *laughs* You are glowing, man. I can’t wait to hear this.

Sammy: Good evening ladies and gents, and Welcome to King Falls AM - that’s 660 on the AM dial, and this is our last show of the year. The last show before our big Christmas break, as Ben mentioned.  

Ben: Let’s not say big, it’s just a break. We’ll be right back here literally on New Years Day. Thanks, Merv. But we’ve got a hell of a show for you.

Sammy: Okay, can I just get a few minutes off the top to talk about today’s discovery? 

Ben: I was literally just saying, the floor is yours, Sammy.

Sammy: Okay, alright. So, you know sometimes I’m a little bit, uh, skeptical when it comes to - 

Ben: Literally everything. You are skeptical of every phenomenon that has crossed our paths.

Sammy: I wouldn’t say every. 

Ben: Oh, I would. Do you want a recap? There was the alien abduction, the -

Sammy: *laughs* No - no, no, no. I think you know your stuff. So, you should know that I’m very excited to bring my own bit of King Falls lore to the table tonight. 

Ben: Before you press on, are you sure this is a good idea?

Sammy: What do you mean? 

Ben: I’m not trying to be argumentative here, but the last time that you brought in a find of our own last time like this, you brought Howard Ford Beauregard III into our lives.

Sammy: *sharply* Okay, that was a mistake and we have talked about that. 

Ben: I know! I’m just saying...be super sure about this one, huh.

Sammy: This is nothing like HFB 3. 

Ben: Then please continue my friend. 

Sammy: So, I was out doing a little bit of shopping earlier today at The King Falls Mall and -

Ben: Was it crazy crowded? I still have to pick up something special for...my mom.

Sammy: It was crowded. Not Black Friday crowded, but nicely darkly opaque Tuesday, if you will. 

Ben: Okay, cool.

Sammy: We all know that gift is not for your mom, by the way.

Ben: Whatever.

Sammy: So, I’m at the mall, I make my purchases, but I’m all worked up and got an appetite and I’m not gonna wait in line at a mall eatery with Christmas people, ya know? So, I’m thinking, why not just go the 3 minutes away to Frickards? 

Ben: ... Traitor. But I get it.

Sammy: So, I make the drive over to my favorite Frogery. A #5 Frick-a-Seed with extra frog puppies...

Ben: You actually eat the frogs there, man? I heard they poach them there directly from Lake Hatchineha.

Sammy: Don’t say that! They are a fine sponsor of the show. 

Ben: Facts are facts. 

Sammy: Okay, so I get there and pulling up right beside me is this beautiful candy apple red Corvette. It was a beauty, let me tell ya. Early 1960′s, but the closer I look, the weirder it gets. It’s got bells, like sleigh bells, all over this thing -

Ben: Let’s, uh, move on Sammy.

Sammy: So I look over at the driver, this bigger older gent steps out of the car...red suit, red tie, massive white beard -

Ben: Sammy, I think we should, uh -

Sammy: Tiny little glasses, rosy red cheeks, and the friendliest damn face I’ve ever seen. He introduced himself as Chris!

Ben: So you run into a mall Santa running late for work?

Sammy: Oh, this was no mall Santa, Ben. This was thee Santa. We made chit-chat and there was only one available table, so with it just being myself and him, we -

Ben: You had lunch with a mall Santa.

Sammy: Bennnnn, he knew my name without me saying it!

Ben: You’re a radio sensation, Sammy. Lots of people know your name.

Sammy: Do they know my childhood address? What I got for Christmas when i was 6? I don’t think so!

Ben: *laughs* Oh jeez, you got a Santa stalker, buddy. Either that or Creepy Carl got released on bail. Moving forward - 

Sammy: He knew all this stuff, Ben! My wants, my likes...good things and bad things. You know, I’m pretty protective of my personal life, Ben.

Ben: Yeah, I do, Shotgun.  

Sammy: This was Santa Claus, real as day, right here in King Falls! Not only that, but he told me that he actually vacations here part of the year! Think about that! The big guy hanging out here! *scoffs* Dude, why are you looking at me like this?

Ben: Do you know how many older gentleman in the world dress up as Santa Claus, Sammy? A lot. It’s a job for some folks. Some of them go to hospitals. It’s a big deal for some folks. This was one of those guys. Just pulling your chain, Sammy. Santa living here part time is *sputters* I doubt very, very seriously that this guy you met -

-Sammy: It was him. I don’t understand why you’re so hell bent on dismissing this! If a caller called in with this story, you’d be on a mission! 

Ben: I’m not hell bent on dismissing you. I’m just...looking at this from all angles. How bout that? 

Sammy: Are you saying King Falls isn’t good enough for a Santa vacation home? A second house?

Ben: I’m not saying that at all! That’s ludicrous...d-did he tell you I said that?!

Sammy: A-ha! So you know I’m right. 

Ben: No! Santa- I mean, mall dude Santas are tricky. I - I don’t trust them! Look at this wedge he’s driving, man!

Sammy: You know something about this... 

Ben: *sputters* You want me to tell you what I know?

Sammy: I do!

Ben: Here’s the scoop: I know you meant some...guy. I know he’s not Santa because Santa would not go to Greg Frickard’s place to eat. I know -

Sammy: You’re full of it. 

Ben: You wanna put this to the callers? We can poll this thing out. 

Sammy: I think I do, Ben! This guy knew what I go for Christmas years ago. HE knew about Wolfington the terrier, which I got for Christmas as a kid. He knew it all! 

Ben: Ha, okay, King Falls: Do you think Sammy meant the real Santa Claus earlier today? Think about this and give us a call: 424-279-3858

Sammy: Heh-heh, you are on, buddy. I’m not gonna be the only person here - 

Ben: *quickly* OPERATION KING FALLS KRINGLE 

(Cuts to commercial: Banjo Music Playing)

“Howdy y’all! It’s Randy McMullet from McMulletson’s National Palace of Snake Skin Boots, and I’m here to let ya know we got some rattlin’ new for ya. After the sensational success of Black Mamba Friday, it’s time to roll out our next deal of the year. This weekend it’s our annual Secret Santa Albino Snakeskin Special. We’ll have all our white snake choices at our unbeatable dark snake prices. So slither on down just outside of town at the corner of Route 72 and Ol Bauman Range Road. McMullet’s International House of Snake Skin Boots! Where we fill yourboots, with savin’s!"

(Welcome to 660 plays)

Sammy: What the hell was that about?

Ben: It was about saving money on boots, man. 

Sammy: No, whatever you yelled right before the commercial. 

Ben: *laughs* I don’t know what you’re talking about. I sneezed. 

Sammy: ... I’m watching you. 

Ben: Watch away, Sammy. Pick a line, they’re all lit up. Like Christmas. 

Sammy: You’re way too smug, I don’t like this. Lucky Line 1...

Ben: An excellent choice. 

Sammy: Good evening, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Cynthia: First off, Sammy, obviously you’re off your rocker. Santa lives in the North Pole! 

Sammy: *sighs* Hi, Cynthia. 

Cynthia: Secondly, are you for real shopping at the King Falls Mall? Do you have a death wish?!

Ben: What are you on about, Mrs. Higenbaum?

Sammy: It honestly wasn’t that busy...

Cynthia: I’m not talking about crowds! I’m talking about the gang of vampires that live in the mall... just waiting for the perfect time to strike! 

Ben: What?! 

Cynthia: Of course you wouldn’t know, Ben. 

Ben: I’m pretty up to date on my - 

Cynthia: Obviously you are not...or you’d know about the gang of vampires that live in the mall!

Sammy: Cynthia, thanks for calling tonight. Even if you are dead wrong about Santa. Now, would you like to expand about this, uh, vam-

Cynthia. Gang of vampires. 

Sammy: Right...

Ben: How do you know that they’re vampires, Cynthia? 

Cynthia: Pale much? Check. Dark clothes? Check. Never ever out in the light of day? CHECK! 

Ben & Sammy: She’s talking about Hot Topic...

Sammy: Aren’t you?

Cynthia: They just glare at you soullessly when you walk in. Eyeing you up and down, probably looking for a good vein.

Sammy: Or a neck tattoo. 

Cynthia: This is not to be made light of, Sammy! You’ll see!

Ben: They’re just goth kids, Mrs. Higenbaum. 

Cynthia: Oh, please. Like you know! Let the record state that when King Falls is overrun in a Lost Boys type fashion with these emo vampires that I tried to warn you! And you just laughed! 

Sammy: What do you recommend, Cynthia? Should we stock up on garlic and stakes?

Ben: I think just knowing our parents loved us enough should do the trick.

Cynthia: Laugh it up, you dumbs. You know I hate telling people “I told you so” but I will tell your ass “I told you so” SO FAST! *politely* Merry Christmas! *hangs up*

Ben: So... we’ll count that as a no. 0 and 1, Sammy. 

Sammy: Line 5, welcome to King Falls AM.

Finn: *faint sounds of the highway* Hey, Sammy! Hey, Ben! 

Sammy: Hey, Finn! Long time no talk, buddy! You doin’ alright? 

Finn: Oh yeah! Never better! Just had to get a couple shots, ya know? 

Ben: That’s good to hear, Finn. Uh, what’s your take on this?

Finn: Oh, I was actually just phonin’ cause I wanted to tell you fellas Merry Christmas before it was too late.

Ben: Merry Christmas to you too, Finn! Stay safe out there on the roads.

Finn: You know it!

Sammy: Well, thanks for calling in, Finn. We’re glad that you’re feeling better. We were pretty worried about you.

Finn: Ohhhh, you fellas. Howl at the moon one little time and you get alllll worried.

Sammy: It was more than once, Finn.

Finn: You know what I’m sayin’! It’s not like I’m going to sleep and wakin’ up naked in a field somewhere covered in chicken feathers and god knows what all over me... on the regular. *sounds of scratching *

Sammy: That... is, um, good to hear, Finn. 

Finn: Just once every now and then, ya know?

Ben: *laughs nervously* Okay, y-you take care of yourself. Happy Holidays.

Finn: You know it! *hangs up*

Ben: That was another- 

Sammy: Don’t count that! Finn didn’t comment on it either way!

Ben: I’ll mark it as Switzerland. Another call?

Sammy: You bet your ass another call. Y-you pick a line!

Ben: Uh, line 3! Good evening and Wel-

Herschel: *low sounds of a boat motor and crickets* You two goofy sons of (censored) hung up on me last time I called! When I get my dick-beaters on ya, it’ll be hell to pay! 

Ben: Uh, we...must’ve been having...phone difficulties, Herschel. We would never. Did you call during the Electrolocaust? 

Herschel: I called two damn week ago, Ben Arnold! Don’t you “Electrolocaust” me. Gotta wake up pretty damn early in the morning to scoot one past Herschel F. Baumgartner. 

Sammy: Herschel, we are so sorry the phones were malfunctioning last time you called. Are you on tonight to talk about Santa’s appearance and possible living in King Falls? 

Herschel: Santa who? Santa Livingston? Haven’t heard from that son of a (censored) since the Beaches of Normandy... 

Sammy: Santa Claus, Herschel... 

Herschel: No, I ain’t here to talk about no Sante Claus. You two need to grow the (censored) up. 

Ben: What’s on your mind, Herschel?

Herschel: Don’t rush me! You two-toned pecker sniff! I’ll get to it when I get to it. 

Sammy: Herschel, do you think - 

Herschel: Mother (censored)! I had it before you opened your damn trap! I’ll ring you later when I can think of it, and you better not hang up on me again! 

Sammy: You do that, Herschel... if we don’t hear back from you before then, have a Merry Christmas. 

Herschel: You two goin’ somewhere? 

Ben: It’s our Christmas Break! But we’ll be back live on New Years Day.

Herschel: You know what my generation called “breaks”?

Sammy: *under his breath* They weren’t just breaks? 

Herschel: They called it being (censored) dead because that’s the only break you get in life. You freeloading radio commies! Enjoy your break or vaycay or whatever you pansy bastards call it. 

Ben: Happy Holidays to you too, Herschel!

Herschel: I didn’t kill Hitler to say Happy (censored) Holidays... :*mutters under breath* *hangs up*

Sammy: Ladies and gentlemen, Ben and I are talking about the appearance of Santa here in King Falls earlier today. I was told from the jolly one himself that he enjoys staying in The Falls when he isn’t in the busy season. Ben says otherwise...

Ben: Have you or anyone you know ran into this phony Santa saying he’s squatting here? If you have, give us a call *coughing* Operation King Falls Kringle.

Sammy: I knew you were up to something! 

Ben: Please. You’re paranoid because you’re losing. Line 2, this is King Falls AM. 

Troy: Hey, fellas, Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah if that’s the way your dreidel spins. Or h-have a good Kwanzaa, etc and so on. 

Sammy: Merry Christmas, Troy. 

Ben: Are you not supposed to be calling us on duty? 

Troy: I’m on break, Ben! Damn it all! Don’t start! I’m calling to tell you something important. 

Ben: This again? You’re a broken record. BYE, TROY.

Sammy: Don’t... let him speak.

Ben: Tsk. Whatever. 

Troy: Thanks, Sammy...and right off the bat I wanna tell you I believe you saw what you say you saw. 

Ben: Troy! Come on! You know the drill!

Troy: I’m not saying he was or he wasn’t. I’m just saying, if you saw him... I believe ya. Maybe a man just wants to lay low, far away from the spotlight. I mean, King Falls is a heck of a town to retire to. 

Sammy: Mark that down, Ben.

Ben: He’s only saying it just to spite me. 

Troy: That ain’t close to true and you know it, Ben Arnold. w, if you’ll permit me... I’ve got a gift for ya.

Ben: If this is your friendship, I hope you kept the receipt. 

Troy: It’s actually not that. Though, it’s ripe for the picking whenever you want it, Ben.  

Ben: Ha, don’t hold your breath...

Sammy: *sighs* Come on. Do you wanna bring it by the station, Troy?

Ben: DON’T!

Troy: Well the problem is I bought it online and I’m having it shipped here and well...seems it’s gonna be a little late.

Ben: *laughs condescendingly* Of course it is. Can’t even get a Christmas present right, Troy. Just give it up!

Troy: We were best buds growing up and... I ain’t givin up on that. Or you. I mean, you’ll see. You and me, we’ll be back where we started just as sure as you can say “pickled pie piper”

Ben: NEXT CALLER.

Troy: That’ll work, too! Well, I’ll quit yackin and make like a shepherd and get the flock outta here.

Sammy: Take care, Troy. Merry Christmas to you and yours, buddy. 

Ben: Bye, already! 

Troy: Catch ya later, future buddy.

Ben: We have time for one or two more before break. Ya wanna keep going or give it up?

Sammy: By my count, we are tied. 

Ben: Glutton for punishment...you call it.

Sammy: I’m gonna go back to Lucky Line 1. Happy Holidays! You’re on King Falls AM.

Caller: *Heavily Elvis Presley sounding* Hey, man, uh - I wanna talk about this Chris Kringle business. 

Sammy: We’re all ears, sir. Have you seen him around town or am I just being fooled by a factitious St.Nick? 

Caller/Probably Elvis: The way I see it, uh - 

Ben: Uh, who are we speaking with? 

Caller/Elvis: That don’t matter none. 

Ben: Right. Uh, w-what were you saying, sir? 

Caller/Elvis: I just think that a man wants to lie low in a place where he’s not gonna get bothered or pestered or recognized than good for him. Maybe life got too stressful or he didn’t wanna buy a Cadi for everyone that he met.... Hell, maybe he followed the love of his life to a small Podunk crazy haunted town. Maybe it’s cause he found out Rose makes the greatest peanut butter banana sammich you ever laid eyes on. 

Sammy: Are... we still talking about Santa Claus, sir?

Caller/Elvis: Of course! 

Sammy: Okay, it just seemed like maybe we were talking about someone else for a second. Like yourself... 

Caller/Elvis: ♪Don’t be cruel♪ Sammy. I’m just a teddy bear. A teddy bear with nothin to hide. I say if Ol’ St. Nick wants to hang out in this spooky place then so be it. We can’t have ♪suspicious minds!♪ about it. Just let it be. 

Ben: Sir, I-I don’t wanna make this about you, but you sound a lot like the King of Rock and I -

Caller/Elvis: Yeah! ♪Little less conversation♪ Ben! *hangs up* 

Sammy: I’m just gonna say... I think that guy knows that he’s talking about, Ben.

Ben: Still doesn’t mean anything! 

Sammy: Why are you fighting me so hard one this, Ben?!

Ben: Okay... I’m not saying you’re right...

Sammy: But I’m right...

Ben: But! But! If somebody as important as Santa Claus was to have a vacation home or hide away spot in King Falls - and he doesn’t!

Sammy: And he does...

Ben: But...maybe it’s for a reason. Like a specific reason. Like maybe he doesn’t wanna be bothered with a bag of mail everyday. An email address overflowing with wants and needs. Non-union worker issues. Maybe the wife wants a place to escape the hustle and bustle of the great white north a few times a year without TMZ knocking on the door. If that were the case, and I-I don’t think it would be fair to call attention to that.

Sammy: If that were the case...

Ben: Right! If that were the case. Now, I do not think that’s the case at all. I think this is the case of... mistaken identity. Or maybe you were tricked by a chubby merrier than thou prankster who was too friendly to not keep up appearances. But I don’t think you really saw the real deal here...and he certainly wouldn’t live in King Falls for a few weeks every year if you did see him. 

Sammy: Huh. Maybe...Maybe I was mistaken...

Ben: It...it could’ve been anybody. 

Sammy: I think you’re on to somethin, Ben. I think I was, uh... huh. I think I was mislead. 

(Holiday music starts playing)

Ben: *laughs* Maybe so! 

Sammy: Hmm, well... Okay, then.

Ben: We good?

Sammy: Yeah, I think we’re good! So I hear we got a hell of a show lined up for tonight, is that right?

Ben: Oh! You better believe it, buddy! Right after the break! 

(Sleigh-bells and Santa in background) Ho-ho-ho! 

Sammy: Sorry about that, folks! Somebody must owe Chet some money. Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for hanging out with us this chilly winter’s night. We’re just getting started here, but we’re gonna take a quick break to pay some bills. If we don’t hear from you before then, Merry Christmas to you and yours from King Falls AM. 

(Sleigh-bells and Santa in background) Merry Christmas! 

[demoisellebeauty]

It seems I have been tagged by my partner in crime @princebete to write a shitty explanation of my character so AWAAAY WE GO

Hello, my name is Belle which means “beauty” and damn did my parents have good foresight because I’m a banging piece of ass. Or well when I say parents I mean my dad since my mom was brutally murdered by the company that made this movie for the sole reason that she is my mom and I’m not allowed to have a mom except to have her memories make my dad angsty and shit because if there’s one thing that really needed explanation it was the reason that I’m living in a village? Not really a question I had as I’m more interested in wondering why I can’t have a mom but what are you gonna do?

Anyways this village is pretty much the French equivalent of Hicksville, probably including the incest for all I know. Like we’re talking ultra conservative “women who wear their hair down are going to the Devil” type people. So obvs they don’t like the fact that I’m literate even tho let’s be real they’re probably also jelly of my mad skills at simultaneous reading and walking without bumping into shit. I got that fucking mastered and I’d like to see you try it and look as fly as I do. And I really just wanna get the fuck outta here but because I have a dad who’s dangerously close to blowing up himself and our house at any given moment I don’t have a lot of choice. Also we’re poor and if you’re poor you’re kinda fucked if you’re not spending every waking moment working your ass off.

It doesn’t help that there’s this fuckboi named Gaston who doesn’t know the meaning of “you ain’t getting NONE of this.” Damn jerk always throwing my books in the mud, do you know how expensive books are in this time period? Ass. And then he talks some shit about how women shouldn’t be reading and thinking and I’m like... ew. Like Gaston’s pretty hot but if his looks are a 9 out of 10 his personality is a 0. And I’m a pretty modern girl for my time, right? Like I’m all about women’s rights so it REALLY fucking sucks to be stuck in a time period where all they want you to do is get married and pop out babies until you die of the plague.

So I’m pretty damn happy that Dad’s finally got his amazing if probably lethal judging from how it can either chop you into pieces or give you a concussion invention and he goes off to a convenient fair so that we can get rich and get the fuck out of this place leaving me by myself which, really? You couldn’t take me with just this once? I know we got a farm to take care of and all but you remember fuckboi Gaston? BARGES THE FUCK INTO MY HOUSE AND PROPOSES TO ME, AFTER GETTING MUD ON ANOTHER ONE OF MY BOOKS. Did I mention he already had the wedding set up because he didn’t think there was any way I would say no? What a douche. NOT TO MENTION THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW HE HASN’T PICKED UP ON THE FACT THAT GETTING MUD ON MY BOOKS DOES NOT TURN ME ON.

After very literally dumping fuckboi in the dirt Philippe just HAS to interrupt my wistful longings for a better life to let me know that Dad somehow managed to fuck up a simple trip to the fair meaning that I have go and find him.

Naturally, my Dad just HAD to turn out to be in a spooky haunted castle straight out every gothic novel ever ruled by a giant ass talking and rly extra dramatic buffalo-lion thing that’s fugly as hell. I don’t know at the time whether he’s actually a giant animal or just a furry but both options are not ideal. I end up promising fugly buffalo-lion guy that I’ll stay in exchange for dad’s freedom and he agrees only for the asshat to drag my dad out without even letting me get to say goodbye smh. But I barely have time to think about that before it turns out that to make the castle even creepier, a shitton of the furniture is alive and walking and talking and it’s horrifying in a “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream” kind of way. It’s really messed up when you try to think about what that must be like. But that said, dancing plates makesfor great dinner theatre, Toby’s should hire these guys.

Once I’m done with dinner I sneak out into the West Wing. Yeah, buffalo-lion guy said not to but I DO WHAT I WANT OK. And I mean yeesh if he’d wanted me to stay out of his room, maybe he should have told me that it was his room instead of forbidding it. Guy was asking for someone to come a-knocking. But damn, his room is more trashed than the aftermath of the worst frat boy party you’ve ever seen but hey, at least there’s a portrait of some random but hella fine dude but oh wait, there’s a pretty glowing floating rose that’s pretty obviously magic so I do what any reasonable person would do and try to touch said shiny floaty flower.

Of course I nearly shit myself when buffalo guy just comes in out of nowhere and starts screaming at me for invading his man cave (beast cave?) and tells me to gtfo I’m like “I can do that. I’m noping out, that’s it. im out bitches” Except maybe it wasn’t a brilliant idea to ride a horse out into a blizzard and thick woods filled with starving wolves. Thankfully buffalo guy saves me before dramatically collapsing and making me having to drag his ass back to his castle. Do you have any idea how much that guy weighs? It’s a good thing I work out cause I was this close to giving up. Its around then that I start to realize Buffalo guys (who’s name I never catch for whatever reason) might look scary but he’s actually just a large hairy man child and once he gets his shit together he’s not that bad a guy I guess.

Course it doesn’t hurt that he gave me a whole library. definitely turns me on more than dropping my book into mud. Not that buffalo guy turns me on but like he’s nice, you know, actually kind of sweet but im not thinking about him that way ya nasties. except ok maybe a little cause like we had this dance and everything and it got really sensual and idk what would’ve happened if I hadn’t cockblocked us by wondering about dad. Which, turns out buffalo guy (how do I still not know his name?) has a magic mirror that shows you shit (and I really hope he hasn’t been using it to look at me at certain times in the evening cause usually around then im either singing off key in the shower or masturbating over weird kinky beast sex).

dad’s in trouble fucking AGAIN cause the poor guy can’t go ten minutes without me around to bail out his ass and Buffalo guy lets me know and its really nice but I friendzone him for the moment and out to find dad and take him to the village instead of the castle where we might find better medical care and comfortable conditions for him. not one of my greatest ideas I admit. Things still would’ve been if only GASTON MCFUCKBOI hadn’t come to fuck everything up by trying to extort me into marrying him by throwing my dad into the insane asylum, which yes, he’s a little insane but like I’m into bestiality so... I can’t judge him. I try to wipe the smile off fuckboi’s face by proving buffalo guy exists only... now fuckboi wants to kill buffalo guy so I kinda fucked up . 

I eventually get back to the castle just in time to save buffalo guy only not really because GUESS WHO FUCKS ITS UP FOR EVERYONE? if you guessed fuckboi you’d be right cause he just goes full Shakespeare and stabs buffalo guy right before falling to his death, which sucks maybe but I’m more sad about buffalo guy (SERIOUSLY WHAT’S HIS NAME) dying before I could tell him that I was up for kinky beast sex but instead of that I just tell him I love him.

Then I swear it was like I had an acid trip or something because Buffalo guy suddenly starts floating and glowing and going through a magical girl transformation into the hella fine dude from that portrait in his room and- ooooooh I get it he was cursed it was super obvious, you’d think a smart girl like me would’ve caught on to something like that but I guess not. 

But the good news is that buffalo guy is human so I don’t have to worry about being into bestiality and we kiss and there are actual literal fireworks which is awesome and there’s something about a spell or whatever idk but i’m more concerned with asking WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR REAL NAME SO I CAN SCREAM IT IN BED.

But yeah we live happily ever after and all that jazz cause I’m a princess now and don’t have to do my own shit anymore. Moral of the story is find a hairy sugar daddy cause he’ll turn out to be secretly hot and not mind your weird kinks.

TAGGING: all the shitty muses