#aiden listens to podcasts

[courtillyy]

im so goddam predictable. ofc i have become an aiden from the yard enjoyer jesus christ lmaooo

[apileofmoss]

it is ^_^ i kind of love it. people ask them questions and they go on these tangents that are not even remotely related its great

adhd podcast,,

[writing-till-i-am-dead]

Tylo Oneshot

“We’re gonna let you guys hang out in pairs,” said one of the doctors to Tyler. “To let you guys check on each other and all that.”

Tyler scoffed. “How generous of you..” he hissed sarcastically. 

The doctor didn’t bother with a response and left the room, leaving Tyler on his own again. He laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. 

Please bring me Taylor.. I need to know if she’s ok.. please, please…

The door creaked open and Tyler jolted up to see his sister. Only.. it wasn’t her. 

“Tyler!” Logan cried out, halfway to tears. 

“Logan!” He exclaimed in surprise before glaring at the doctor. “No! Bring me my sister!!!”

“Ms. Hernandez is currently with Ms. Banner. Complaining will get you nowhere.” The doctor closed the door and Tyler slammed his fist into the wall. “Damnit!”

Logan gave him a look of embarrassment and shame. “I’m.. sorry..”

Tyler looked up at him and suddenly felt guilty. “No, no.. it’s not you, Logan. I just.. Taylor-“

“Is your sister. I understand..” Logan tried to force a smile. He really didn’t understand. He was an only child and was never really close to one specific person..

Tyler sat on the bed and buried his face into his hands. “This place is driving me nuts..”

Logan hesitated before eventually sitting next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Well.. look on the bright side! At least now neither of us are alone!”

Tyler looked up and couldn’t help but feel a little lighter upon seeing Logan’s smile, even if it was a forced one. 

Logan was one of the few people he couldn’t really bring himself to be annoyed with. He’s too nice and the idea of yelling at him felt like it would be the equivalent to kicking a puppy (unlike with Aiden who feels like a mosquito he needs to bash into a wall). 

“Thanks, Logan..” he said with a sigh before lying back. “So what should we do? Not many forms of entertainment here other than the tv. And they’ve only, got, like, 3 channels. The news, Disney Junior, and The History Channel. Unless you wanna watch Ancient Aliens?”

Logan wrinkled his nose at the mention of Ancient Aliens. “Unless you wanna see me pop a blood vessel, I recommend turning on anything but that.”

Tyler was surprised by the almost passive aggressiveness on Logan’s voice. He let out a soft air of amusement and set the remote down. “Fair enough, astrology nerd.”

“Ugh, I study astronomy, not that fake, wishy-washy stuff that only exists to give boring people personalities.”

Tyler barked out a laugh. “Dang, ok! Wasn’t expecting that! Yknow, Taylor believes in astrology. Listens to horoscope podcasts and everything.”

Logan let out a dejected sigh. “Don’t remind me. She once asked for my star sign so she could check my compatibility with everyone in the group. If it was literally anyone else asking me for that, I would’ve stomped off right then and there. But Taylor’s nice to me, so I just gave in..”

“You have a lot more bite to you than I first thought.. guess I don’t hang out with you as much as I should..” 

Logan smiled softly at that. “Aha.. ya, well.. I’m not too fun to hang out with on my own.. but.. maybe..”

The two sit there for a moment, Tyler tapping on his wall dejectedly, wishing he could see his sister..

“I’m sorry..” Logan says under his breath. 

“Huh?” Tyler looked over at him. “For what?”

“Me being the reason you can’t see your sister..”

Tyler sucked in air through his teeth and looked down, ashamed. “Look, Logan, really, I’m not upset they brought you in instead-“

“But it really is my fault.”

“Huh? Whaddya mean?”

“I.. asked them if they could bring me to see you..” he admitted quietly. 

Tyler stared at him, processing his words. All he managed to say was “Huh?”

“I.. I wanted to see you.. because.. this.. this whole thing is terrifying!” There was a pause, all could be heard was the ticking of the clock. “And you.. you’re so confident all the time. For some reason your aggression, even in stressful circumstances, it’s oddly.. comforting? Like, at least there’s one person there who is expressing that they’re feeling anything but fear, yknow??”

Tyler still couldn’t find words. No one had ever described his aggression as comforting. Annoying, yes. A problem, he’s heard that hundreds of times. But comforting? That was new. 

“You..” he finally managed to choke out. “Are weird.”

Shiiiiit. 

Now he wishes he stayed at a loss for words because the absolute look of embarrassment on Logan’s face made him immediately regret his words. 

I KICKED THE PUPPY! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! I KICKED THE DAMN PUPPY!

“But that’s not bad!” He quickly said. “Whatever helps, yknow!” 

Logan smiled weakly and forced out a laugh. “Ya.. ya..”

“Logan..” Tyler tried again, reaching out hesitantly before stopping himself. “I really didn’t mean it that way..” he said gruffly, really trying to keep the awkwardness out of his voice, but he ended up just sounding stiff. “You’re.. I.. you’re nice, Logan.”

“Hah.. ya.. nice..”

I’m so bad at damage control, ugh!!

“Logan!” Tyler barked. Logan jumped in surprise and turned to him. 

“You’re a fucking weirdo,” he said bluntly. “But I don’t mean it in the way Barron would.. I.. mean it in a good way, all right?”

Logan must’ve realized Tyler meant it, because he smiled a real smile. A smile of thankfulness and appreciation. 

“That.. really does mean a lot..” Logan said, nervously rubbing his arms. 

The two looked at each other and Logan felt desperation creep into his soul. This entire situation has been terrifying, being kidnapped, separated from his friends, and learning he’s going to turn into a phantom. He had to say it. He had to! He couldn’t possibly die without saying it right here and now! He was not going to be a coward!!

“I like you, Tyler,” Logan said. 

Tyler’s eyes widened. “What..?”

“The way you play baseball and have manage to be cool about everything you do and your sense of justice and the way you care about the people you love, like Taylor.. I like all of that about you!”

Right when Tyler thought Logan couldn’t surprise him anymore. “L..Logan..!”

But before he could even figure out what to say, the door opened. “We’ll be taking Mr. Fields back to his room.”

Tyler looked up, his eyes still wide. “Huh..?”

Logan stood up and waved at Tyler. “See ya, Ty..” he said with a smile. Logan felt really proud of himself. 

“W-wait.. hey, Logan!”

But the door shut and Logan let out a sigh. With each step, he remembered little things. Like when he went to a baseball game to practice his photography and he first ever saw Tyler and how cool he thought he was.. Like when Tyler stood up to Barron for Logan… Like how Tyler said he liked that Logan was weird..

By the time Logan reached his room and the door closed, he realized what he did. It really hit him like a school bus. 

“AHHHH! Did I really just do that?!?” He grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. “NOW I REALLY HOPE I BECOME A PHANTOM!”

[smallsies]

Audio Drama Sunday — May 26, 2024

It's been tragically long since I had the time to make one of these posts amidst the rise in jam chaos & other things over the last few weeks, but the event officially concluded yesterday with the release of 14 new pilots!!

In all honesty this event consumed most of my life so far this year, but I am incredibly excited to be on the other side of it - having released the first episode of my debut audio drama, @spacespeckspod as well ! - with so many wonderfully talented people. These shows are beyond incredible, so I just want to dedicate today to talking about them! (& I truthfully haven't listened to anything except jam shows as of late, lol)

@gavinswindowpod - "In-universe TTRPG" is always such a fun angle, and this show did a stellar job balancing the different directions that can take. Listening to the character's conversations feels very much like overhearing a group playing, all of the actors did an incredible job with that! & I'm looking forward to more in the future :)

@theichorousrotpod - Firstly, G knocked it out of the park with the music in this show, it's incredible. Secondly, "pathetic guy trapped by the horrors" is beloved and very well done, Sam is an incredibly talented writer and the cast did a stellar job bringing these characters to life. (I would let Dr. Yates perform top surgery on me etc etc.)

@thefinderskeeperpod - Beyond with being two of the nicest people ever, Lemon and Maddie's character dynamics in this was SUCH a joy to witness. "Grizzled old man & clueless newcomer walk into a bank, except there is something incredibly wrong with the bank teller" is spectacular, the sound design was, of course, spectacular, and I'm very excited to hear more.

@valdiviansfinest - Clear bias in saying this, but space shows are SO fun, and the Valdivian's Finest team did an amazing job showcasing all of the best parts of the genre. I don't have enough good things to say about this show, I love space Amazon and don't think the courier service has ever done anything wrong ever.

@working-tidal-pod - Taking points off for Louis spawning the "it's a comedy" joke that became a constant reference when we were listening to shows (/lh) BUT the writing is so funny, the sibling dynamic feels incredibly realistic and all of the actors are amazing and very talented. Feesh show has the potential to become a go-to comfort podcast, looking forward to hearing more!

@asbestos4president - This show is incredibly fun, "alien Twitch streamer" isn't a podcast I ever thought I would encounter, but the team did an absolutely fantastic job with their pilot. The writing is really funny in the classic aliens-misunderstanding-human-concepts way, with more modernized in-jokes that makes the characters feel very realistic!!

@beyondrepairpod - Extra props to this group as they were the event match team, with much less time to organize before scriptwriting, but managed to put together a stellar pilot. Hope was so well-done, the ship AI is VERY normal and you can absolutely trust them, shoutout to Pancake for their absolutely spectacular acting there!

@worldfusepodcast - These characters are incredibly charming and this world is so fun. Everything about this is just really well done; all of the actors were amazing, the writing is clever & easy to follow (& it's, of course, very fun that Ila is playing a detective :)!!) Looking forward to hearing more of this show!

@hello-are-you-there - Again, slight bias as I love a good apocalypse plot, but HAYT is a really fun radio show style podcast by a really lovely team. Aiden's moments of snark are great, Milo did a wonderful job bringing him to life amidst the bleakness of an end-of-the-world plot, & the inclusion of mythology is really well done!

@gobbpodblog - Magical zoo! Magical zoo!!! I love strange and unusual creatures and this team did an amazing job bringing them to life in this episode :D The animal ambiance at the start was really charming, and Prinxe & Caw were fantastic as Jake and Dr. Vermillian. Really excited to hear more!

Schrödinger's Pledge/@englewoodafterdark - As a college student I understand the implicit horrors of Greek life all too well (/lh.) The exploration of hazing practices and the normalization of them within those communities honestly is scary on its own, and the sound design really brings that to life in this pilot. Beyond excited to hear more Englewood After Dark later this year!

The Block - Fi was the only participant to make a solo show, and ended up with a spectacular example of what a one-person show can look like! I'm a little sad this podcast isn't continuing as they've introduced such an interesting concept and world here, but they did an outstanding job with the pilot.

Eart(h) FM - We listened to this one in the server the other night, & this show was definitely a lighthearted uptick from some of the other things we listened to, lol! It feels a bit silly to say a show about the end of the world is fun, but there is just so much hope and life this team managed to fit all in one episode, and the music is wonderful.

@spacespeckspod - I feel a bit awkward talking about my show, but I do want to say thank you to my lovely teammates who helped bring it to life! I appreciate all of you endlessly, and I'm really excited for the future of our little space show <3

If you want to check out these shows, they're all available on the Jam feed, & @aclickbaittitle has also started an (in-progress) Podchaser list of those with individual feeds!

Finally, an extra shoutout to the crowdfunder for Forged Bonds, @forgedbondspod which is still running & which you can check out here! Pine is such a wonderful member of the AD community, & (especially as a fellow classics enjoyer) I'm really looking forward to seeing what they do with this show. If you have the means, you should absolutely go support them & their amazing podcast!!

[planetarymesss]

SBG music tastes headcanons :33

(these are probably gonna be generic/popular idk though...)

Ashlyn def likes alt/indie rock ....... is she not canonically a paramore fan ?? would probably listen to some K-pop ONLY because taylor used to be a HUGE fan (taylyn agenda). probably also has a playlist for classical music for ballet but she isnt exactly head over heels

Aiden's probably the type of guy to throw whatever sounds good to him into one singular playlist w like 1237485 hours on it. like his playlist taste is good trust its just disorganized. you'll mainly find like dance or electro on there.. with lil accents of micropop and..... is that jazz ??????

Taylor is DEFINETELY an indie music fan !! and despite her taste she DESPISES mainstream music (REAL); she thinks its soulless. she's a huge fan of 2010's mainstream though !! unironically listens to lofi on her way to school for sure

Ben's taste is like extremely articulated yet broad and open-minded if you understand... like he likes songs of all genres but his FAVOURITES all sound really similar. this is gonna be really controversial buuut try thinking of like RnB and possibly some reggae....

Tyler doesnt listen to music to listen to it, he just plays it to have some sort of background noise ?? that being said he blasts rap loud enough to be heard through the windows..... he still doesnt know any of the lyrics though lmao ;;;

idk why but Logan's music taste is one of the first that ive developed in my mind. and hear me out. breakcore and shoegaze. the type of music you both fall asleep to and wake up to... like white noise but also some (very few) stabbing lurics that forces you to remember them. please dont question the nerd-ass podcasts those arent songs........

[candle-lamp]

challenge: assign the sbg group instruments/sports/hobbies that are different than the cannon ones! can be in addition to their cannon hobbies or make them all new ones...

Oooo this is neat, thank you for the request ^^ I'm gonna challenge myself to give them one of each :3

Ashlyn:

- I could see her playing a stringed instrument, maybe cello or double bass

- don't know how sporty this is but figure skating. do you see my vision

- I think as a hobby she would totally listen to podcasts. started off as a way to drown out noise but she got really into them

Aiden:

- trumpet player. we all know it

- would totally attempt extreme parkour. come on he's mr. durable. once again this barely counts as a sport whoops

- he gives me scrapbook vibes. he's always taking pictures, they've gotta go somewhere

Ben:

- we all know and love his guitar, but what if,, piano

- doesn't strike me as being too sporty, but I'd guess he tried a few and probably liked basketball, but didn't like how confrontational it was

- I think he'd like crocheting, he'd especially like giving handmade gifts to people

Taylor:

- I'm split between her playing trombone and clarinet, I think they both fit

- volleyball for sure. first sport on the list I'm confident in

- I could see her really liking logic puzzles, like sudoku and cryptograms

Tyler:

- he could totally play drums, be it a drum set or quads

- baseball yes, but also, hockey

- I could see him really enjoying writing but never having time for it

Logan:

- I know this is totally projection but,,, French horn. band kids know what I'm talking about

- I think he would enjoy tennis

- gives me big D&D/ttrpg vibes, would totally try and get the gang into them

[chubsette]

How did Aiden get into gaining? What does he like most about it? What do his partners enjoy about helping him gain? Also what do they all do for fun outside of kink? Together and separately.

[Transcript]

You know what, I'll just let them answer for themselves! (cringe ahead) 1. How did Aiden get into gaining? What does he like most about it? Aiden: I had known I was into weight gainfor a while before I started doing it myself but it took me some time to really get confortable with the idea... I had some body image issues before and gaining has helped me feel a lot better about myself. I can't quite explain it but it's freeing to be able to let myself indulge as much as I want to. I obviously also get a kick out of being so pampered and spoiled it starts to show on my figure. 2. What do his partners enjoy about helping him gain? Nat: Seeing him houtgrow his clothes, feeling his growing weight heavy on top of me, touching his increasingly soft body, having him whimper and beg for more, seeing the number on the scale go up, teasing and grabbing him, watching him take up more and more space, feeding him and knowing I'm responsible for it just drives me absolutely insaneeeee Chris: Yeah, all that and also seeing how excited it makes Aiden and letting him enjoy himself. 3. What do they do for fun outside of kink? Aiden: sculpting, wood carving and painting Nat: photography, concert going and partying Chris: reading, listening to podcasts and cooking All: traveling, playing video games and shopping together

[unlimitedgamesnogames]

in the midst of the sammy ending, here's some other (active) podcasts i like in the same general circles! all of them feature hosts who have been guests on chuckle sandwich and/or have guest episodes with chuckle sandwich hosts, so you might've heard of them already. but here's a recommendation if you haven't listened yet and want something new!

sad boyz

jarvis johnson and jordan adika talk about feelings and other things also. "other things" often means current internet goings on, but also their experiences with adhd, pokemon, magic the gathering, or whatever their current hyperfixations are. they have a decent backlog of guest episodes, including one with ted

the yard

if you don't mind 4 hosts and <3 men yelling at each other, this is the one. featuring ludwig, slime, falco, and aiden calvin. no particular topic, just chatting.

they've had ted and schlatt on as guests

fear&

another one with 4 hosts, but sometimes less depending on who's around to record. hasan piker, qtcinderella, austin show, and will neff. lots of guests including ted and schlatt, ted and jarvis, and also just ted

shut up i'm talking

tommyinnit and jack manifold. hasn't been going on for very long but they're silly and the vibes are lovely. also some interesting perspective from people who started their streaming careers as teenagers and saw a lot of success early on.

if you have recommendations for similar podcasts, feel free to add on! ❤️

[the-conversation-pod]

The ITSAY Anniversary Show, Part 1

AND WE'RE BACK!

October marks the third anniversary of the show that rewired the BL industry, and it felt like the right time for a retrospective. In part 1 Ben leads a panel talk on I Told Sunset About You. Just us along with @liyazaki, @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist, and @so-much-yet-to-learn

Join us as we talk about our history with the genre, Phuket as a setting, the complexities of the characters, and why this show remains so important.

Listen on Apple Podcasts!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Intro 4:16 - How did you come to ITSAY? 11:31 - Phuket as a Setting 19:00 - Style and Genre 29:40 - Characters 36:18 - Teh and Oh's Dynamic 50:07 - Why do you care so much about ITSAY? 1:04:08 - Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

0:00 - Intro

Ben

BWOOOOOOOOM. Okay. It Worked. You're already in it. 

Nini

[laughs] That's staying in.

Ben

Welcome back to The Conversation, everyone, for our fall season. We're very excited about this season. We decided to take advantage of the reduced output of shows, at least for part of summer, and decided to do a retrospective on I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon. We also have made a lot of friends in our time on Tumblr and decided to hang out with some of them, and talk about the show so it wouldn't just be me and Nini blabbing about one of our favorite projects.

Nini

Our panel of I Told Sunset About You experts includes the lovely, the only Turtles a.k.a @waitmyturtles on Tumblr. We have Aiden @so-much-yet-to-learn on Tumblr. We have Captain Hands who is @wen-kexing-apologist on Tumblr. And the fabulous friend of the pod, our good friend mor @liyazaki on Tumblr. 

So that is our esteemed panel for I Told Sunset About You in this episode. That's who you're gonna hear. In the next episode we're gonna talk I Promised You the Moon and have a different set of people on. 

So, Ben, aside from the fact that it's the anniversary of I Told Sunset About You—the third anniversary—why did you feel like this was the right time?

Ben

I think this has probably been one of the most thematically interesting years that the genre has had, and I've said many times that I don't think we'd be able to get the kinds of quality productions we're getting out of the genre now without the success of I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon, and I feel like for us to move forward with this particular show I think we had to at least get that show out of our system and into the recording. It had been bothering both of us that we hadn't really sat down and talked about it even though we dropped constantly that we are fans. I think it was really useful to talk about it. 

I really liked that we actually split up for it because you and I talked to each other a lot on this show, and it was really fun to talk to some other people about the show first and get some other perspectives.

Nini

We always say that one of the whole points of The Conversation is to expand the conversation outward, so we had a really good time doing these panels. We think you're gonna enjoy them. So, let's just dive right in.

4:16 - How did you come to ITSAY?

Ben

We're gonna get right into it, Our first question of the night. We're gonna start with Mor: longtime friend of the podcast. Mor?

Mor

Yes, hi Ben! 

Ben

How did you come to ITSAY?

Mor

[laughs] Well I came to ITSAY actually as a relatively new BL watcher — I had very begrudgingly watched 2gether and a handful of other very typical GMMTV type shows. And I had heard that there were some higher budget higher brow BLs out there, but I'm not ashamed to admit that what initially drew me to the genre in the first place is the… kind of fluffy romance trope-driven narratives? And it was just the first time that I had encountered any kind of queer media that was so lighthearted, and typically took place in a world where homophobia basically doesn't exist, and especially as a slightly older queer, that was such a nice change of pace compared to the other queer media that I'd been consuming up until that point. So frankly, the idea of watching a more serious BL back then made me a little nervous, even though that's a lot of what I typically watch when it comes to Western media. So I put off watching ITSAY for a while until I eventually decided to just jump into it and the rest is history. 

ITSAY isn't just my favorite show in the genre, it's one of my favorite shows and pieces of media period. I Promised You the Moon is too, but that's a hot take I'll expound on next time.

Ben

Thank you. Aiden, what about you, you've been around BL for a bit. How did you come to ITSAY?

Aiden

I've been in the BL slash QL sphere since the beginning, largely as a lurker. I didn't watch ITSAY when it aired, due to not being in the right headspace at the time to tackle a show with that much emotional impact. It was obviously very much in the zeitgeist, constantly in my feed, impossible to miss. So many other shows since then have been compared to it and I always planned to watch it someday in the nebulous future, but with so many things constantly airing I’d never quite gotten around to it. 

So when word went out that Ben and Nini were looking for people who hadn't watched it yet to get a mix of perspectives, I figured there probably weren't many others who'd been around as long as I had and somehow hadn't watched it yet. I re-evaluated whether or not I was ready to watch it and turns out I was! So, better late than never.

Ben

I am so glad we finally convinced you to watch the show. I wasn't gonna push you but I'm like ‘oh my god Aiden’s finally watching.’

Aiden

I'm glad as well. It was definitely an excellent thing to watch.

Ben

Okay, Captain Hands! [laughs] What about you?

Captain Hands

So I got into BL like a year-ish ago, and of course being a queer person who had not seen a lot of queer media the worms got in my brain instantly! There's like a master post of queer Asian shows that is somewhere on Tumblr that I saw, I don't know what user it is, sorry! But I saw a post that had I Told Sunset About You on it as like a good show to watch but I wasn't sure where to access it at the time, so I kind of just filed it away for later. Cut to like six months later, Ben and Turtles were yelling at me to eat vegetables, Kyr-kun-chan changed her icon to I think PP or Billkin or something, Nini mentioned PP and then a thousand messages in the clown server later ginnymoonbeam and I committed to watching ITSAY for the first time, which is probably a good thing because then Ben could warn me about doing one episode at a time.

Ben

Oh right, you were the one who was like, I'm tough I can watch more than one episode at a time. No.

Captain Hands

Wrong. Very wrong.

Ben

I'm glad you also finally joined us. Last but definitely not least, Turtles what about you? How did you come to ITSAY?

Turtles

Hey folks! Ben and Nini, thanks for having me, this is so awesome. All right, so, I guess what I'm the most well known on Tumblr for is the old GMMTV challenge project that I am blogging on. I came to BLs through Kinnporsche, at least Thai BLs through Kinnporsche, I was familiar with Japanese BLs for a couple years before that. I Told Sunset About You, in regards to it making it into the project — it was obviously going to be a natural part of the challenge syllabus, in terms of anybody picking up that syllabus and learning about Thai BLs in the first place. But the entire project, the watch list is community contributed, it’s 100% created by the community of Tumblr posters who love Thai BLs and who have lots of opinions about Thai BLs including this group here. It wasn't just through the solicitation of feedback on the OGMMTVC, uh, that I came to it, I certainly had seen I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon on many lists across Tumblr as, as an impactful BL. But in regards specifically to where it belonged by way of chronology, and by way of its cinematic impact, all of that feedback came through my soliciting the community on Tumblr for creating my syllabus that is teaching me about Thai BLs, and will hopefully get replicated in other people's journeys as well. So that's how I came to it.

Ben

I'm very excited by everybody's answers about how they came to this. I want to ask a quick follow-up question since — some of us have been here since the before time and the long long ago, and some of you got started like a year or two ago? Going in reverse order real quick: what is everybody's first BL that they remember? Turtles?

Turtles

The classic, the wonderful, the amazing, What Did You Eat Yesterday? Long story short, that was the first time I had ever discovered Tumblr as well — enjoyed that drama and I was absolutely insane for it for about two years solid.

Ben

Thank you for that. Captain Hands! What was your first BL?

Captain Hands

My friends were really obsessed with Word of Honor and showed it to me, so I got really into that, and that's how I found the, like, list of other BLs. If that does not count as a BL, then Kinnporsche was the first thing that I watched.

Ben

[laughs] Aiden, what about you? I'm actually really curious to hear your answer, because you and I have been around since the beginning.

Aiden

It depends on how you define BL, really. The first thing that I think could probably qualify would be the first Takumi-kun from Japan in 2007.

Ben

Unfortunately, that counts.

Aiden

Yeah [laughs]. Unfortunately indeed.

Ben

What about you, Mor? You said ITSAY was one of your first BLs. You have any others you watched before that? Or what was your other pathway into this?

Mor

2gether was one of the first ones, which is ironic because I hated 2gether. [laughs] I don't know why I finished watching it, I was just intrigued, so even though I kind of despised it for a lot of personal reasons — just wasn't for me — I enjoyed it enough that I wanted to keep watching. I wanted to find more.

Ben

I'm absolutely fascinated by how everybody came to this. It's KinnPorsche, 2gether, What Did You Eat Yesterday? and Aiden with some of the oldest stuff.

11:31 - Phuket as a Setting

Moving on to our next question! We're going to get into some setting stuff. What about Phuket as a setting stands out to you? I think I'm gonna have Mor answer this one first because they actually visited Phuket and some of the filming locations.

Mor

I certainly did, and I made a concentrated effort to take pictures, as some of you I think have seen, of the actual scenes in ITSAY, like the famous chip crawl deck, which was a journey to find. It was an incredible experience getting to visit Phuket. The setting of Phuket is unlike any other backdrop to a BL that I've ever seen. The landscape is really a character unto itself. I get a very similar but also sort of very rare sort of feeling when I watch ITSAY as I do when I'm watching, say, the train scene in Spirited Away. It's like looking at a natural environment that's been elevated to something almost magical just because of the way it's being shot or portrayed. 

I read once that Miyazaki's films almost make you homesick for a place you've never been, and that's how I felt about Phuket after watching ITSAY, to the point that it absolutely influenced my decision to go to Thailand and actually go there. And having been I can say it's just as lovely as they portray it to be — but I do know my attachment runs a lot deeper and is more personal than that, because Phuket to me will always be tied to Teh and Oh. 

The specific locations they chose, having now been there and walked around and seen it — it was so smart and it really enhanced the narrative while never overwhelming it or taking away from it. Like, I was very struck that the beach that the hammock scene takes place on… it's very wide, it's very open, and you would almost miss the hammock, because the way that the trees hang so low to the beach, it really sort of encapsulates the hammock? You have to actually climb under the branches. It really I think created this effect of Teh and Oh — they almost look cocooned in the darkness, in this otherwise very wide open environment. Maybe it felt a little safer because of that, to start saying what they had been feeling and skirting around. The wide shots of the beach chase scene… and obviously the beauty of Promthep Cape, and so many other moments. Phuket just… it did so much to enhance the intimacy of the scenes, and move this story along.

Ben

Apparently we're all going to have to go visit Phuket now. Turtles, when you were reacting to the series you were writing about some of the cultural crossover stuff. What do you have to say about Phuket as a setting?

Turtles

I've never been to Thailand, but I have spent a good portion of my entire childhood and adult life in Thailand's southern neighboring country of Malaysia — with my mother being Malaysian, my being part Malaysian — Phuket is an incredibly important locale for me to consider. Chinese migration from Fujian, from other locales in China, traveled in part down that Thai landscape to the Malaysian peninsula, and then ultimately settling all throughout Thailand, through Malaysia as I said, and ultimately into Singapore which has a majority Chinese population. 

A lot of what I learned about Phuket in part comes from my own Malaysian heritage, but also through conversations with other amazing Tumblr users including the very wonderful telomeke, who hails from the southeast Asian region himself. Phuket, Penang, Kuala Lumpur, these are towns that happened to receive more than their fair share of Chinese immigrants, that ended up in part creating a very unique culture that we call Peranakan culture: Chinese immigrants intermingling with ethnic residents of the areas in which they settled. Teh's mom is just a fabulous example of somebody that, that holds a lot of those influences all in one person: she wears Peranakan clothes, particularly when she's hosting events for the public at her Hokkien Mee stall.

Ben

Captain Hands, Aiden, do you want to say anything about Phuket?

Captain Hands

Phuket is a small town when compared to locations like Bangkok, which is where a lot of I Promised You the Moon is going to take place. I've been thinking that the small-town vibe works very well with how often it feels to me like Teh's entire world is ending whenever Oh, like, does something that like makes him jealous. Or like, if Teh's rejected or if he makes a mistake, like you can just feel in his body how much that impacts him, and it feels very small-town to me, to like to have these little moments be so big to him. 

There’s such a significant use of the Chinese language in this show, and for all the ways that like Chinese is used to tell us, like, what Teh is thinking and feeling, and for all the ways that like Teh is taking the time to try to teach Oh how to understand the language that Teh himself uses to express himself frequently — is a really poignant thing for me to pick up on considering Teh's own heritage, and like, his mother's heritage, and like the Chinese immigrant population that is a part of that community.

Ben

Turtles was talking about the cultural crossover that occurs in Phuket from all the various people migrating there. I'm from New Orleans which can jokingly be described as the northernmost Caribbean city, that has passed between French and Spanish control multiple times, and has now been occupied by Americans for one hundred and fifty years. So we have a very weird collection of cultures here as well — most evidenced in our architecture. And I think about that a lot when I reflect on Phuket — because I just rewatched it this week — it looks different from what we usually get in Bangkok.

Turtles

This show was so unbelievably layered by its visual cues, from a cultural interpretive perspective. Ben, as you pointed out to me, one of the friends, Phillip, he clearly comes from from a Islamic family, his parents are shown wearing a hijab and a songkok, and it's just very indicative of the the filmmakers giving us the indication that we're talking about… the mixing of cultures, assimilation and melting pot, all of the different words that we want to throw out there. 

As per your note about New Orleans, you know, as we say in Malaysia same same lah. It's very comparative to all of these indications that they were bringing up about Phuket. Thinking about Phuket as a tourist town as well, as compared to New Orleans, having just been to New Orleans myself, I think that there's just so much to, to pull out there by way of whether you make Phuket a permanent home or not. Teh and Oh clearly exist on the borderline of that permanence as they get closer to going to college.

Ben

There's something specific about growing up in a tourist town, like you can go visit tourist locations during peak tourist season as a way to avoid people you know. Because unless they're working the location, it's just strangers.

19:00 - Style and Genre

Ben

We're going to move to our next question here and get into some style questions. How does ITSAY play with genre and stylistic expectations? And specifically, are there any works that you recall while you were watching it? Aiden, you and I had talked a little bit about this.

Aiden

For myself when I was watching ITSAY, rather than paying attention to the source materials that ITSAY drew from, I found myself thinking back on shows that I'd seen since ITSAY aired and reevaluating them through the lens that had changed from my watching it. ITSAY clearly broke open a number of aspects that the Thai BL circuit specifically hadn't delved into until then, and expanded the genre as a result. 

My personal favorite impact is seeing shows set in rural locations, which were quite thin on the ground before that point, and have increased at least in visits if not fully set in more rural locations since then. Shows like Tale of a Thousand Stars, Cupid’s Last Wish, I Will Knock You, Remember Me, Moonlight Chicken. And it also, it showed grit and grime in a way that you really hadn't seen before that point in at least the BL genre. It was more common in media intended for queer audiences or art house type of content but the BL genre had always been very sanitized, very urban, very clean cut. Almost cartoonish and simplistic. And seeing something where you got to see buildings with marks on the walls that are from, you know, monsoon rain, stains, faded paint, chipped plaster, dirt on the ground, picture glass that had flecks on it, dust settled on things — that was a revelation, at least at the time. It really made things feel a lot more… settled and grounded and realistic. It felt like you could walk down the road and see these places, rather than it being a kind of constructed facade of where these shows are, that's an everyplace everywhere kind of generalization. And that followed with shows like Not Me, I Will Knock You again, Remember Me, that you got to see the grittiness, Not Me especially. 

The inclusion of religion, more Chinese cultural aspects, things like that that had largely been omitted from most shows until then, started becoming involved more in the day to day life that you got to see. Things like the talk Bart where you do the alms in the morning providing the food for the monks that go around traveling from home to home. 

We also started getting more slower paced shows like Nitiman, You're My Sky — which had heavy callbacks — Coffee Melody, My Only 12%. Shows with high concepts, stronger writing, better production value on a number of levels, like, ah, Bad Buddy, Triage, La Pluie, Kinnporsche. Also things with some of the more awkward side of queer life, which until then had very much not been present almost at all, outside of the more tragic kind of shows. Because again, it was that sanitized, sort of, ‘it has to be picture perfect, it has to be ideal’ kind of… nuance and vibe on the shows. And so we got things like Secret Crush on You, and I'll argue that I Will Knock You should fit there as well. 

The way that it's expanded the shows that have come after — and yes we do still have those sanitized, simplistic, clean, bubblegum sort of shows — very much enjoyable when you're in the mood for that sort of show, but we've also added things to give more breadth. Things like La Pluie, Step by Step, Moonlight Chicken, that make it a much more encompassing sort of genre, able to draw broader crowds that have differing interests as well. I am thrilled to see the change and be able to tie back now to how that was driven by ITSAY.

Ben

This is one of the reasons why I was really glad we finally got you to watch the show, because you've been in the genre as long or longer than me? And it was one of the shows that you had skipped for specific reasons when it first aired and I was curious how your long view of the genre would play into your reflections upon it. 

When I watched ITSAY, I ended up having a really intense reaction to the end of it — positively, as a result of some of the works that had come before. It's sometimes hard for me to connect ITSAY to other BLs that pre-date it, because those BLs are often heavily influenced by product placement and a slapstick version of humor that ITSAY is not relying on at all — it's an incredibly serious show about what it wants to cover. And that connected me back further to some of the German works I had watched growing up. Like Summer Storm, which is I think from 2004, there's a Dutch film called Boys from 2014, Big Eden from America in 2000 which uses its setting in the American hinterland really well. And I just had not seen this in Thai BL. 

The closest we came to something this grounded-feeling from Thailand was The Love of Siam, which they submitted to the Academy Awards in 2007. I actually had Turtles and Captain Hands watch that this week, so before I get into my very specific reactions to that, at the end of episode 5 of ITSAY, I kind of want to hear you two, and what you have to say about Love of Siam in relation to ITSAY before we move forward.

Captain Hands

You've said before that you felt like ITSAY is an apology for Love of Siam, and I fully agree. Two kids that are childhood friends separate for a number of years, come back together, the attraction between them is instantaneous and very obvious and kind of hard to ignore? And then having it end the way that it ends for Love of Siam, is, you know, it's a choice! I can understand and see why they would play it that way, but I agree with you, Ben, that it is, that this feels like an apology for what they did to us with Love of Siam.

Ben

Turtles, any commentary you want to give?

Turtles

Me not being Thai, not knowing Thai, having not visited Thailand — for a movie in 2007 to end with a successful same-sex relationship would have surprised me. So the film ending the way that it did was not surprising, and I found the journey to get to that point really poignant. That is a very deeply Turtles read, a very deep Asian read. Absolutely no surprise whatsoever that many BL filmmakers were influenced by this movie. And as far as ITSAY goes, is ITSAY an apology for Love of Siam? I can absolutely understand that verbiage, that's not a verbiage that I would necessarily jump to using. 

I could very well say that if ITSAY had ended without Teh and Oh getting together, I also would not have been surprised, especially with the way episodes 3 and 4 went. And now that I've seen Love of Siam I could feel stronger in that opinion. Now, as far as it making me feel good or satisfied with the story conclusion? That's, I think, you know that's, that's personal extrapolation there. But as far as the art itself goes I think Love of Siam communicated to me that I would not have been surprised if Teh and Oh didn't get together, if they had more personal, emotional, and also macrocultural wrangling that they needed to do. Love of Siam absolutely talks to ITSAY but I'm not sure that I would necessarily call it an apology.

Ben

Mor, do you have any commentary on genre history?

Mor

The really interesting, different thing that ITSAY did for me, as specifically a queer 30-something, a Westerner who's been in all sorts of extremely homophobic environments and, and different things throughout my life, and I've just gotten used to not having happily ever after. What I loved so much about BLs in the beginning was just, ‘oh man, we can have these light, bubbly, effervescent stories that get a happily ever after and it doesn't have to be complicated, it can just be sweet?’ And it was such a new concept for me, to see that. 

So, ITSAY ended up, like, with the ending that we got, it ended up being almost healing for me? As dramatic as that sounds. And that's really why, because it subverted it. You could tell going in, this is gonna be serious. This is gonna be hard-hitting. We're gonna be getting into deep stuff in terms of these queer kids figuring out who they are, and learning how they can be together, if they want to be together. So I was sort of expecting — because of my history and what I'm what I'm used to seeing — okay, well we're going serious, it's not a good chance this is gonna end well. So to see that — which frankly was a much more realistic portrayal of queer relationships than your typical sanitized BL — that is what took ITSAY for me to god-tier media, god-tier.

29:40 - Characters

Ben

Let's get into some of the character stuff. For all that they are incredible and great characters, why couldn't it be Bas or Tarn for Teh and Oh? Captain Hands! You're up first for this one.

Captain Hands

So the easy answer for me is that it just couldn't be? Like neither Teh or Oh really knows exactly when they developed feelings for each other, and they both try to have feelings for Tarn and Bas and they just can't make it work. Teh going to Tarn at 4 am and asking her to tell him that she loves him was, for me, like, ‘Oh I need to know what it feels like to hear this from her so I can know how it, how it feels… to hear it? And to know whether or not that feels good? If that feels something, like something I want to hear.’ 

For a more, you know, in-depth answer, because that's my whole shtick, right? There's a couple of things that I was thinking about, mostly the Chinese language element, the color element, and then just like Tarn and Bas as characters? One of the throughlines of ITSAY is that Teh frequently writes whatever his subconscious is fixating on over and over again in Chinese. Teh can't parse through the complexity of his emotions, but he can summarize them in like words, so like ‘rival’ or ‘intimate,’ and we know that there is much more behind what he's writing, than like what is actually being put down on paper? Because Oh's not good at Chinese, Teh spends so much of this show like painstakingly teaching Oh how to understand Chinese, and like how to understand him as a person and like his subconscious? So like once Oh starts to get it and get better at Chinese is when they really start to connect more intimately. If you think about the end of episode 3 with the sniffing scene, the buildup to that moment is Oh using the male/male protagonist question — like, how you say male protagonist in Chinese, how you say female protagonist in Chinese, is male-male okay? — is him asking if Teh is okay with them like potentially becoming a couple. 

And I know this is going to kill Ben to talk about the colors, but this is for the color girlies! Oh is red and Teh is blue and green, and something that I did notice on this watch through is like, Teh's home is filled with red, like the walls of the restaurant are red, his bedspread’s red, the couch, the clothing his mother wears is often red, and Oh's home is… very much blue and green, so like the sign for the Panwa resort is blue, the windows, all of the windows are framed in this kind of like, light green. These boys grew up in each other's colors. Their home is each other's colors. And so of course when they first meet, they're going to be drawn to one another because they remind each other of home. Tarn's color is purple, and so there are parts of Tarn that Teh is drawn to, but I see that as kind of being like the red parts of Tarn. 

Oh likes Bas because Bas kind of acts as a similar person in his life to Teh. In episode 2 Oh says that he likes Bas because Bas drives him around, but he won't confess because he doesn't know what Bas's feelings are for him, and he thinks that Bas likes girls and he doesn't want to lose him as a friend, when that is a direct parallel to Teh. And something that I started noticing on this watchthrough is that Bas picks up whatever color Teh is wearing, but he's often like a scene or an episode behind. So in episode 4 Teh’s wearing green at the beginning of like them going to the resort? And then Bas picks up the green when he shares a bed with Oh, and then by the time that Bas has picked up that green color, Teh and Oh are both in yellow, and so like they're now matching, and Bas is is behind the curve. 

From the perspective of just like, Tarn and Bas as characters, like they both value themselves enough to know when to let go, which I think is a very crucial part of their relationships with Teh and Oh? When Teh colors the hibiscus that Tarn draws red, she shuts that shit down like immediately and sends him home. And when Oh is quiet and sad on like the drive home, Bas knows immediately like why that is, and goes to Teh’s house. So like I really strongly believe that Oh ends up with Teh at the end because Bas gives him up? Oh would have kept fighting the urge to go to Teh, and like to comfort Teh and to support him, if Bas hadn't driven Oh to Teh's house and been like, ‘it's okay, it's fine, I understand.’ And, and given him that freedom.

Ben

I’m very fascinated to follow up on the thread about Tarn and Bas having more willingness to cut those boys off [laughs]. Anyone else have any commentary they want to talk about on Bas or Tarn? Oh please, Aiden, proceed.

Aiden

It just needs to be said that Bas is the best boy and Tarn is the best girl. Sorry, somebody had to say it.

Ben

Thank you, sir. So [laughs] I think Teh likes Tarn because she's as committed to her future as he is. She intentionally does not pursue a romance with him because she thinks it would get in the way of her pursuit of her art and architecture career. And Teh is super committed to his career as an actor. And I think that's probably why he liked her so much? This is a little bit of I Promised You the Moon slipping through. But like Captain Hands pointed out: because she's committed to what she wants for herself, she's not going to sacrifice a ton of her stuff for him the way Oh might, or that Teh might for Oh. 

And Bas… I've been thinking a lot about second lead stuff because of conversations with Shan. Bas doesn't confess until really late in the game? But so much has happened at that point, that Teh is going to be able to break past that because of the earlier promise. I agree that he is the best boy. But I think Oh likes the drama [laughs] that Teh brings to his life.

36:18 - Teh and Oh-aew’s Dynamic

Ben

On to our next question! The dynamic between Teh and Oh-aew is one of the primary draws of this story. What did you connect to in their dynamic or their story? Mor, you're up first.

Mor

I'm vibrating, can you tell? [laughs] So there is so much, I think, that could draw anyone into the story of ITSAY, because the glories and the pitfalls of first love, they have so much in common regardless of who you fall in love with. But I personally connected so deeply to their story, again, as a queer person, I know a lot of other people did as well. You can't help but painfully relate to both of them — at least that was my experience, especially my younger self — Teh having so many feelings that he spends so much time being incapable of processing or acknowledging, let alone communicating? And Oh being so long-suffering and hopeful and just pining with his whole self for this mess of a boy, who doesn't know what he wants or what he's doing. I mean not that Oh really does either; who knows what they want in a relationship when they're that young? And when you have feelings for your long-lost best friend that you just reunited with, it's very complicated. 

But there were just so many quintessentially queer experiences in ITSAY and in their dynamic that hit me right in my gay little heart. The tiny secret touches that mean so much, the affectionate friendly banter that all of a sudden is veering into flirting, or ‘are we flirting, like what's going on?’ and then the crippling doubt that sets in afterwards and how it can haunt you for days. This gut wrenching fear that these feelings you found yourself in can possibly affect your whole life: how your friends feel about you, whether or not your family accepts you. There's just so much that we have to consider, well beyond what our hetero peers typically have to deal with, and it's exciting and it's terrifying. It's not just incredibly validating, but like I mentioned earlier, it's healing in a way, to see such a frankly visceral experience portrayed with so much care and accuracy, as they did with giving us Teh and Oh's story, and their dynamic and how it progressed. I just feel like overall the stakes are so much higher for us? And often at so, so young and tender ages, to just explore who we are, to like and to fall in love with who we want to, and… their whole story for me, watching it unfold — this is very dramatic but it's true — for me, it felt like someone peering into my past looking at all these little hurts I forgot, these bigger ones that are still healing, and saying, ‘it was like this back then wasn't it? It was so hard. But there's so much beauty here, and you can have it too! It can be yours too. You can have this struggle, you can go through all of this, you can walk through the fire and emerge through the other side with this beautiful, beautiful thing, that maybe even is even more beautiful because of how much work and how much brokenness it took to get there.’

Ben

I'm so glad we got to let you get that out of your system, Mor. [laughs] Turtles or Aiden, do you have any commentary on Oh and Teh?

Aiden

For me the, the dynamic between Teh and Oh was very unique and… not something that I had necessarily dealt with, but the coming-out scene for Teh and Hoon resonated incredibly strongly for me. The dialogue from that scene matched almost word for word how I came out to my own brother? And the emotions, and the fear and the terror and the relief and the reassurance and the, you know, gentle teasing to lighten the mood… that felt so real. Mine had [laughs] rather less crying, at least in the moment, I definitely did later — but the text and the, the feeling of that scene just took me right back to that moment. And there's so much about this show that is authentic in a very specific way to different people's experiences.

Ben

Thank you Aiden. Turtles?

Turtles

For me, what Oh was able to get out of Teh, by way of what I called a drunken hormonal experience… just the way Billkin acted in his exploratory attraction towards Oh and how PP received it… how their physical interplay represented that budding romance, that budding attraction. The end of episode 2 on the boat particularly moved me, let alone the incredibly impactful endings of 3 and 4. I was surprised to sort of see Teh… melt, and go back and forth in his physicality at the end of that episode. Just the physicality of that exploration, and how the physicality itself then compared to and reflected on all the emotional processes that we saw between the two of them. I thought that that was so unique particularly about this show, and how unabashed it was to display such physical attraction developing between the two of them, particularly on Teh's end. That's something that I'll really take away from this show, that it displayed attraction, really really vibrating attraction, in such an impactful way.

Ben

Captain Hands, you have any commentary?

Captain Hands

Of course you know I do, I have commentary about everything all the time. So I think the thing that really drew me to Oh and Teh’s dynamic was the power of their feelings for one another, and like, especially the way that Oh acts as a magnet to Teh and like, the trance-like state that Oh kind of puts him in, so you get all these moments of Teh just kind of following after Oh, and like Oh being aware of that power that he holds? The sincerity of their characterizations and the commitment to their characters… I love this show so much for having Teh just constantly walk in circles. And how that will kind of translate into just the cyclical nature of his own personality, and like the experiences that he has, and the stuff that he puts himself through. The things he will continue to do as their relationship progresses. You can tell so much, like how comfortable these two are with each other, and how in love they have been with each other since they were kids, and that's another reason I think that they couldn't have really been with anybody else, is because they have all of this history between them? That is like so palpable, and like how much Teh wants to protect those memories, and like the feelings that he has when he's with Oh. The line that they say like, ‘don't give my time to others’ is so poignant. 

Seeing the way that Teh is continuously transformed by being around Oh, hating coconut at the beginning of the show and thinking that it smelled bad, and then like having that scene with Oh on the boat at the end of episode 2, and then immediately opening episode 3 with Teh just smashing a bit of coconut meat on his face as like hard as he can, because he just wants to be like as close to it as possible and like, how it doesn't smell bad anymore, and how it tastes good now because he's starting to have these feelings for Oh. And that has radically changed how he interacts with the world around him. It’s just like so good to me to watch being portrayed on screen, especially because Teh is not aware of his queerness in the way that that Oh is? And so like, Teh not knowing why he feels the way he feels, and then lashing out because he can't put a name to like, what it is that is causing the feelings that he has, it feels very, very in keeping with like, the queer experience as you are like, learning your own identity.

Ben

The thing with ITSAY — it's not just the things that it does that are familiar: with all the important touching, the knowing that exists between you, the dealing with the homophobia, the concern about how other people will perceive you, whether or not your parents can be proud of you if you are honest about this portion of yourself. What I think makes ITSAY so special as queer media, and why I lose my mind over it? It's about the fact that these two cannot hide how they feel from each other, at all. And as a result they are the most cry baby boys I have ever seen in all of queer cinema. I just rewatched it this week. These boys are crying constantly at and about each other. Every time any one of them says anything to the other, they make the other one cry over something. 

It's interesting because so much of the ‘are you are you not’ thing, when you're growing up, is about the uncertainty that the other boy is actually feeling it? And that never feels like it exists between them. Oh knew what he was feeling, but as soon as Teh starts to show interest in him, he picks up on it instantly, and eventually confronts Teh very directly about it. As Turtles pointed out, the way the intimacy between them is displayed so frankly. They spend all of episode 3 dancing around each other — we know where this is going! And then you get the back-scratching scene which leads into this arc about Teh dealing with the physical reality of Oh being a boy. Episode 4 has the underwater kiss. During the underwater kiss, Teh puts his hand on Oh's chest again, and Oh has a reaction to that, and you can see him immediately being hit with the uncertainty about Teh's attraction to girls — in the middle of the best kiss that has ever happened. And I don't think I noticed that in my earlier watches: even during this huge moment for them, they are still continuing the drama. There's a specificity to the way that these two feel queer, that I have noticed that every person who grew up with some of the Knowing, as I call it, feels so intensely about these two boys.

Mor

I'm nodding so hard over here I'm surprised I haven't lost my head at this point. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to everything you said. The sheer magnetism of their connection, that's really one of my biggest takeaways from this show. Not only the authenticity, but just how much Billkin and PP's chemistry and their talent as actors, how they were able to really, ah, just make that experience that is so true, it's so true to my experience as a queer person who definitely had the Knowing from a very young age... and had a lot of of moments like that where it just felt like, ‘what, I think there's something here, you know it, I know it, I think we both know it’ — it's hard to put it into words, but they just captured it so beautifully, so brilliantly. It took me back. 

It was so accurate that it made me remember little moments, tiny little moments in my past that weren't so little in the moment, they were really big when I was, you know, ten, eleven, twelve, falling for a girl for the first time. That's part of what made it so special for me is how it really took me back to those times, and in a healing way.

Ben

Captain Hands.

Captain Hands

I was just thinking about, in the opposite sense of like, I did not at least acknowledge my queerness until I was in my early 20s? But like, definitely grew up feeling very different from people around me and like, lonely compared to people around me, for like reasons I could not explain at the time? And so like, seeing Teh have to go through and process his own queerness because it is not something that has occurred to him before, was something that I took so strongly to. I relate so hard right now in my life to the identity narratives, because it took me so long to kind of parse through what my identities are, and to like, get comfortable with them. And so seeing Teh’s kind of like, ‘can I even like boys?’ moments, that is something that was really fun for me to watch, again with like the circling, like he has no clue [laughs] what's going on in his life and he is just circling and circling and circling until he kind of comes to a point that he can connect to, and then he'll kind of run off in that direction.

50:07 - Why Do You Care So Much About ITSAY?

Ben

Final question for everyone: Why do you care so much about ITSAY? Aiden.

Aiden

I care about it because, for one it is authentic queer representation on a level that I had very rarely seen on screen — both in Thai media and and just in general. It's very true to life for a wide variety of queer people. But also I am passionate about it because of the way that it drove Thai media as a whole forward to a profound degree — but especially the QL genre. It showed unarguably that there was a market for high quality productions, and the industry reacted by broadening their offerings accordingly. Many of the Thai shows that I love most from the past couple of years clearly echo back to ITSAY in specific aspects, and there will be untold echoes that continue radiating forward from here, in a good way.

Ben

Thank you, Aiden. Captain Hands.

Captain Hands

ITSAY to me is a foundational queer show. Mostly because queer characters are allowed to be complex, three-dimensional and frustrating. If anybody from Tumblr is listening to this podcast, which I know you are, the for, by, and about queer thing is something that I've been looking at a lot as I've been watching more stuff, and this is very much all three, right? Because they're letting these characters make mistakes, and like hurt people that they care about in their quest to better understand themselves? They are allowed to be human, which is like a wild concept in a lot of the like earlier BL shows, it's part of why I don't like it personally when people say that ITSAY's not a BL, because like, why can't BL's be high quality with like, really good structure and story right? Like I don't think that it's fair to just be like, oh this doesn't count as a BL because of like the, the production itself. 

And I think that just the emotional, like honesty and vulnerability that the script and the actors like showed throughout this process, really struck deep in my experiences figuring out like my own identity? There's such a commitment to everything and everybody in the show that I really liked. Watching the documentaries. I just love how much of the emotionally safe space it felt like, seeing how often the director himself was crying watching these scenes? Or like, how they would kind of wind up these these crying scenes by like, I remember like, PP being rocked back and forth in a hug by the director in the position that he's going to be in when he hugs Bas crying at the end of, what is it, episode 4 or part of episode 5 when Bas is like, go comfort Teh? All of these moments that like really show that the cast and the crew support each other, and like trust in each other… there is so much time and effort put into this show, and that is part of why I like it so much, is like you can tell how much care every aspect of this show was given.

Ben

Thank you, Captain Hands. Turtles?

Turtles

ITSAY for me reaches an echelon that only a very few Thai BLs have done for me by way of really balancing out an homage, a love letter to the culture that, that it's celebrating, along with what Aiden and Captain Hands have said so far regarding queer representation, and just hit a really incredible artistic balance experimented with with cinematic form and this serialized kind of publication way. Captain Hands, to your point about the argument about if it's a BL or if it's not a BL, one thing that I've been considering quite a bit in conversations, particularly with neuroticbookworm, has been whether or not ITSAY would have been more successful as a movie. And I've thought more about it and I think that, while there may be an answer to that that's separate from what I will say here — which is that I think it was really groundbreaking that they took this incredible idea and artistic vision and put it in serialized form, and experimented with what had been concretely developed as a serialized BL genre, and played in that sandbox. 

So taking all of that together, taking all of those maybe slightly even risky decisions rooting this show in a particular voice of a culture that we hadn't seen highlighted quite in as explosive of a way as ITSAY being rooted in Phuket was, along with its gorgeous depiction of queer revelation, of queer realization. Just all of that combined into one pot of a show really blows me away. 

My watching experience of it — it took me out, I couldn't multitask, I had to take all of your guys' advice and watch one episode at a time, and no show has done that for me. And so that, that's what I'll take away from it. A unique experience, unlike anything else that I ever experienced watching a Thai BL.

Ben

Before I move to Mor, I just have to say: Absolutely not! This should not have been a movie! I have watched a lot of goddamn movies. We deserved all of the time [laughs] that ITSAY gave us on this story. It would have felt so rushed if they tried to force this shit into two goddamn hours! Yeah! No! No. [Ben bangs the table] There's the table slamming. [laughs]

Turtles

Bartender, get him another drink!

Ben

I have drank like three-quarters of a bottle of wine, so, I'm sorry.

Turtles

Get him some pasta. [laughs]

Ben

[laughs] All right, sorry. This is about you all, not about me. Bestie in Christ, Mor!

Mor

[laughs] That was fantastic, thank you. I was bangin’ my desk over here like yessss, preach, take me to church! I am here to receive.

Ben

Why do you care so much about ITSAY?

Mor

Ohhh boy. A core memory for me from the last couple of years is sitting shell-shocked, absolutely shell-shocked on my couch, silently weeping, watching the credits of ITSAY roll for the first time. Truly just unable to move for probably ten, fifteen minutes, just trying to absorb everything that I just witnessed? And all I could think was, ‘things are different now.’ Truly, that was my reaction to it, I mean, this show? It wasn't made to fulfill a trope. It wasn't made to fill a time slot. It was made to show the tender beautiful humanity that is at the core of all love stories, regardless of the gender of the person you fall in love with, and that's just not something that I can say for a lot of other BLs, or shows period? Not that they don't stand on their own two feet for all sorts of other reasons, but it's something that set ITSAY forever apart for me. Not only that that was clearly their goal, but in how beautifully they achieved it, how perfectly in my opinion they achieved it. 

It was so realistic to my experience as a queer person, but it's also a show that I would feel very comfortable showing to someone who had no experience with the BL genre. Because you don't have to have any. You don't have to have an appreciation for it. You just have to be a person. You just have to be a human who has lived through tough human things, and had relationships, to find so much value, so much to relate to. I don't know how you can watch ITSAY and not have it just reverberate with you on some personal level. Whenever I discuss it with people, just like we've been doing tonight, I'm hearing things that even being — practically a priestess of ITSAY I feel like at this point — even with that I'm hearing things that I hadn't thought of before. And I think that's beautiful, that a show can be so elevated, and done so well that people from all walks of life can come to it, and come away with things that are just so true and accurate to their experience, and you learn things by hearing it, you know, hearing from them. But yeah it was so realistic to my experience as a queer person, while also giving a happily ever after, which was beautiful but it was also very hard won, which made it even more beautiful for me. The characters are real, they are flawed, but they figure it out… gives hope for the rest of us. [laughs] It raised production values. It raised the bar on what a BL can be. 

We did touch on a little bit about people debating whether or not ITSAY is a BL and I just have to say, whenever I'm debating anything I go to the source. And it was I believe a Teen Vogue article that BKPP were interviewed for: they both referred to the show as a BL, so have the writers, so has the crew, and if they are comfortable with addressing it as that, so am I. 

And then on a more personal note, it introduced me to BKPP my beloveds, to some of my best online friends, it got me halfway around the world to Thailand. Overall, it's an artistic and technical triumph as much it is is queer storytelling at its finest, it did everything it needed to in all the ways that it mattered, it moved me, it continues to, in a way that not much media ever has. It's got my whole heart and I could probably find something new to marvel about, you know, forever. It's as complicated and as, as simple as that for me

Ben

Thank you, Mor. I have been watching queer cinema for a very long time. Part of why ITSAY is so important to me, is no other piece of media has so consistently generated such strong visceral reactions. There's so many great pieces that you can pull out for people that many of them haven't seen, but there's something about ITSAY, where if you are aware of it at all, if you even heard its name, you know something about it, and have an opinion about it, whether you've watched it or not. And I also feel so strongly about watching Thai queer people talk so frankly about how they also had the same sort of visceral experiences that the rest of us had. 

What also matters for me about this show is, like we've had some interesting moments in the west: like Moonlight, Call Me By Your Name, other queer movies that have released, and we keep waiting for their impact to hit the rest of us. We felt the impact of ITSAY within a year of it releasing? ITSAY immediately impacted Korea's willingness to participate in BL, despite how conservative their film industry is. Japan re-upped their efforts on the genre… and GMMTV responding to that! We felt it all throughout late ‘21 early ‘22. It is so rare that you can point to a work that genuinely changed the way an entire genre functioned? And also really rare that you can feel that impact in its time. 

And with that: thank you all for joining us on this first clown panel of The Conversation! If there's anything you want to say to the people before we go?

Turtles

I just want to say what an honor it was to be invited on this. I love loving BLs and I love loving BLs along with you all.

Ben

Captain Hands.

Captain Hands

Sorry if we weren't as funny as David.

Ben

[laughs] That's impossible. He's an unhinged 45-year-old gay man. Aiden?

Aiden

One last thought that came up: ITSAY has this level of radical compassion for every single character on the screen, and that helps the viewer to have compassion even if they may be homophobic or unfamiliar, it brings a level of love and care to those characters, in a way that we really don't get, and I have high hopes that it's something that's going to be repeated again as we move forward.

Ben

Mor, any other closing thoughts?

Mor

Oh man, I don't know, I'm just all caught up in the ITSAY wave of feels, as I, as I tend to do. This show has a unique way of shutting down my logical brain and just making me feel all the things, which is what good art should do, dammit, it really should. So, it's doing its job. 

Go watch ITSAY! If y'all are listening to this and you haven't, what are you doing? Come on.

Ben

It's been three years, if you haven't watched it since 2020, go watch it again. It holds up. It's still good.

1:04:08 - Outro

Ben

And we're back. Fun fact for all of you: Nini's setup went completely to shit while we were recording, so she had no idea what the hell we were talking about. For the entire recording we're having to text her updates so she doesn't close down the recording booth. So, Nini is now reacting from post, not from the panel. 

Nini

[laughs] Yeah, it was a very interesting experience editing the panel not having heard a word that you guys said, so it was all brand new to me. That is a very new experience for me. 

Ben

She edited out all of the “Nini can't stop me because she's not here.” [both laugh]

Nini

Oh god, no, but it was really delightful. I had a really good time. I had a really hard time editing the panel, but there's some things that you guys brought up that really sort of tickled my brain, and I wanted to get into them while I was talking to you in the afters. 

Captain Hands made some comments on why Teh teaching Oh Chinese, with Chinese being Teh’s comfort language of expression, why that matters, and how the translation scene on the side of Promthep Cape plays into that. I found that was really interesting because that is new thinking for me, after three years and countless rewatches of this show I didn't think that there could be something about it that I hadn't thought about, or that was new to me, but thinking about Chinese as Teh’s comfort language—as his main language of expression. That brought up a whole new set of things to me in their relationship.

Ben

I have a couple of friends locally whose parents have immigrated from Taiwan, and they talk about how they have probably like a kindergartener's understanding of the language sometimes, and I hadn't thought about how Teh wasn't learning Chinese for the first time—that he may have had some familiarity from growing up around his mom. That was a fresh thought that I had coming out of the panel.

Nini

It just adds a little bit more color to what exactly Teh was doing in that class, what he was doing tutoring Oh-aew. How hard he worked to make sure that Oh-aew could understand him, because Teh is not great at expression, but the few times that he manages to express himself very clearly to Oh-aew it is in Chinese. Using the Chinese flashcards on the boat, writing and rewriting words in Chinese in his notebook. That's how he's able to get his points across to Oh-aew, and he can only do that because he's taught Oh-aew how to understand him. I found that was a really good observation. 

You made an observation as well that I really enjoyed about tourist places as safe spaces when you are from a tourist place, that going to do tourist things actually gives you a certain amount of anonymity that you wouldn't normally get. 

Ben

Some of the normal spaces like cafes, malls, etc. are populated by people that you would run into, but, like, locals are not going on a swamp tour. And so, you can get away with things that you might not elsewhere. Like, I think about the fact that Promthep Cape is a really popular tourist location, and the fact that when they were actually filming that scene very kind tourists stayed out of the camera, but were like two meters sometimes away from the boys while they're recording one of the most pivotal scenes of the series. And that's kind of what it's like when you're in tourist places in your hometown. Like there's a bunch of strangers crowding around you, and it doesn't matter if they hear you say something because they don't know any of your people.

Nini

One thing that Aiden brought forward that I really wanted to delve into myself: Aiden talked about visual style and how ITSAY allowed things to look grungy, and things to look worn, and things to look old, and things to look a little bit dirty; and how that contrasted against the previous BL impulse for everything to be bright and clean and shiny. And one of the things that made me think about from my own experience, how upset—I don't know if ‘upset’ is the term—people tend to get from my home country when my home country is portrayed outside as anything other than bright and shiny and clean and modern. There's that whole pressure to look a certain way to the outside world, and that comes through in our media as well. 

So watching that impulse sort of come through in Thai media, and then being sort of broken by this particular production. I always like when I'm watching media from other places when I can see the points of connection between my culture and another culture, between my home and another person's home, that always makes me feel more grounded in the story, even though it's a culture and a place that might be 180 degrees away from me. You can still find those very human points of connection. I really enjoyed that. 

Here's one that I want to ask you. You talked towards the end of the panel about Oh and The Knowing, and you've brought up The Knowing over and over again recently, and it's something that I've really been sitting with as you've explained certain things in your life and certain things in queer life, and one of the things that struck me listening to the panel that I think hadn't struck me before is that Oh Knows. Oh has The Knowing, but Teh also knows about Oh because Teh has a complete lack of surprise when Oh tells him that he likes Bas. He doesn't even register it as, like, a surprising thing. So Teh also has a Knowing about Oh but not about himself. I found that a really interesting juxtaposition.

Ben

Teh is an actor who's masking all the time. I think he was probably a little bit surprised, but when Oh tells him that secret, Teh's only goal is to desperately reconnect with Oh. So, I don't think in that moment he cares about Oh being queer. Like, Teh’s so stupid. He's not like paying attention to that sort of stuff. He only cares about Oh not shoving him away at that moment. Like, it didn't really matter what that secret was because he was going to respond positively.

Nini

I get that, but as the time goes on, we don't see any reaction from Teh about it, which is not the reaction that I would expect a teenage boy to have.

Ben

[sighs] When it comes to Teh, he's always performing. It's possible that he already knew these things, but I get the sense that he compartmentalizes. Like, a big part of it for Teh was he doesn't want to talk about it. Because talking about it makes it real, and then he has to face the reality of it. Like, that's what happens after the underwater kiss scene is Oh wants to talk about it and Teh really, really doesn't want to talk about it. It's possible that he knew, but because he's been away from Oh and so repressed, it's not eating at him.

Nini

I'll sit with that.

Ben

Teh doesn't act like he knew, but it's very clear that Oh was important to him, and he had to rapidly come to terms with those feelings.

Nini

I think it's pretty clear that Teh didn't know about himself. It's pretty clear that his journey I Told Sunset About You is a journey of understanding things that he didn't know and understand about himself.

Ben

Part of why I like that so much of Teh's journey is unspoken is it allows it to be more universal because it lets the audience at large take from Teh what they need and project into him what they're bringing to the scene, and this works out really well for Oh a lot, too, because Oh does so much with just looking at Teh.

There's some really great dialogue in the translations of this show, but there's a phenomenal amount of amazing work done from what isn't said, and that is one of my favorite things about it.

Nini

I also agree that one of the great things about ITSAY is how much is done in the silences and it's so interesting that you talked about the silences being something that the audience can project whatever they want onto and that being part of ITSAY’s success, because it's also in a way so legible. 

Normally when there's space like that for the audience to project onto we get all kinds of wild shit, like I’m just gonna be real with you. But the silences and the way that these two boys acted were so legible that even though there was all this silence between them, for all this space for the audience to project into, they generally projected what I think the creators intended because the reads were largely consistent in terms of how people were taking it in and how they were reading things.

Ben

I do think so, but a big part of that is how simple ITSAY’s story is. It's a very straightforward coming of age story in a lot of ways. That's why it works! Everything about ITSAY is inherently familiar, and it feels like an experience that people can enjoy again a decade, two, three decades from now. It's one of those classics you can go back and look at and you can probably point at where other projects referred back to it. 

I feel like I Told Sunset About You is going to be one of those projects where the future of queer coming-of-age cinema is going to refer back to it as one of its seminal moments.

Nini

So all that said, if we had to write at this point… an ode to ITSAY as our closing remarks on this retrospective, what would be your ode?

Ben

ITSAY is the best show that has ever existed because it is called I Told Sunset About You. It sets up this huge drama about running to the cape together before sunset, and they make it to the cape at sunset. Oh has this incredible breakdown and just says “I don't care what we're going to be to each other, just please don't leave me again,” and Teh, upending decades of genre history and expectation, says, “If I can be anything, can I be your boyfriend?” and old wounds finally closed in my heart.

Nini

Well, that is an ode. I don't think I could be anywhere as poetic as you about it, but what I will say is that this story touched something very deep inside me. I can't imagine not having seen this. I can't imagine where I would be now if I hadn't seen this. It changed things for me in a lot of ways, and that's one of my highest praises for media. If you change things for me, if you make me look at things differently, you've won. So, that's my ode to ITSAY: you won.

And with that we're gonna wrap this one up. Our next episode will be our Last Twilight in Phuket discussion. Ben and I are going to sit down and jaw about that a little bit, and then we will be introducing a fresh new panel and talking about I Promised You the Moon.

So look out for that. We out. Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

[aimwigs]

hey I've been listening to the yard for about a year and a half and I want to get more into it ifywim do I just start watching old vods to catch up or is there any content u can recommend as a baseline must-watch

this is by no means a comprehensive list because i've only really been watching the yard since dec 2022 and my 2021 stint in lud viewing was brief and casual (didn't know what i had) but it is a fucking long list so i'll keep it under the cut. included stuff that maybe i wouldn't classify as a must watch but i wanted to include it so you can pick and choose what interests you

PODCASTS - I know for a fact there are other podcast appearances out there that I don't know of but here are a few:

the yard x wine about it - it's just the four of them and qt which means good times! this is an essential imo

there are a few eps of fear& that they appear on! specifically rec the ep with nick and aiden and the ep with ludwig and aiden. there are also a few eps with ludwig and slime (not at the same time) if you're interested in those

i've watched aiden on three different interview podcasts all are worth a watch to me: karat interview, across the bar, and good griefed (audio a little scuffed on this one but it's cute)

fucking loved nick's ep of across the bar because his outlook on creativity is super relatable to me. he also did something with safety third that i've been meaning to watch but haven't yet!

VIDEOS AND STREAMS - there's a lot here but i'll try to describe what's what

mogul money ft the yard - this is the full vod, there's also a cut down video. extremely fun watch

nick was also on mogul money live (first game specifically) and he and aiden appear in the bts video a little bit

qt posted vlogs from italy! they're all fun watches and there's some good moments. one, two, three, four

qt and aiden halloween gingerbread house video. ludwig and aiden kiss in this one. i think the full vod is in god's hands unfortunately

qt and aiden make shit in an ezbake oven and make the guys eat it. fun little video. idk if the vod is out there somewhere or not

there's a cut down version of this too but the full stream of qt having all the guys do a gingerbread house competition is very peak

lud did a shit load of taste test videos with the guys for a slim jim sponsor. this might not be all of them but here are the ones i cold find off rip (fruit, cheese, chocolate, water, steak)

ludwig has done a shitload of ylyl streams with slime that you can find and honestly i have a horrible mediashare allergy so i haven't watched a lot of them but i have watched the one they did with aiden and the one with everyone but idk where the full vod is for the latter

from ludwig's fortnite mondays, there was a week where slime and nick played with jerma and sapnap. idk if any of the others posted the vod but here's sapnap's

the subathon has a shitload of stuff that i can't even begin to link but if you want the experience of the dcom series without subbing to tier 2 they watched the truman show starting about an hour thirty into this vod, tho it takes a hot minute to get everything lined up with the time stamps

halloween po unboxing where them + qt dress up as characters from scooby doo. nick looks frankly obscene as velma this is a great vod

how many flashlights does it take to cook an egg is exactly what it sounds like. it's lud slime and nick ft a little bit of yingo

they play the family feud game together in these two vods: just them and against miz/otk (can't stand miz but it was still good)

RECENT STUFF - aka stuff you probably know about or have seen because you've been around a year and a half but i figured i'd include them anyway since they happened off the pod

two months ago they all played fortnite on lud's stream and it was awesome

both the show matches of the ludwig tarik invitationals are worth watching if you're into valo! the first one is team mogul v otv and they're split up in the second. if the timestamps are broken it's 2h30 in both vods

the rivals 2 tournament is fun! i don't understand shit about fighting games but i love to see the boys play

cdawgva ski vod with lud and aiden from the japan trip! there's also a cut down version of youtube but i found it a fun watch

recency bias alert: they all played in creator dodgeball

the qt and aiden winter cocktail tierlist stream was so good like genuinely a stream of all time to me. ludwig hangs around for parts of it

the yard doing the dougdoug fast food challenge is a MUST WATCH! they celebrate and they suffer what could be more beautiful

otv's fear pong video with them is so fucking good. SO GOOD!

and finally i guess i should mention beerio because it just happened LOL

[thewyrdsidepodcast]

OUR FINAL BONUS EPISODE OF THE YEAR IS HERE!

Samhain Shenanigans: when David accidentally puts out the Samhain bonfire at a friend's Halloween party, the Y Ladi Wen, a vengeful Welsh spirit, emerges to terrify the party. With Aiden and Kitty both otherwise occupied, it’s up to David and Zahra to solve the case and banish the spirit.

"The bonfire, lit on Samhain, or Noson Calan Gaeaf. Winter’s Eve. A safety from the spirits that haunt the bloody dark. All sorts of spooky stories around it, including Y Ladi Wen…" Y Ladi who?

Y Ladi where?

Catch our spooky season special wherever you listen to podcasts!

Spotify | Apple Podcasts | website | RSS Feed

[eryanlainfa]

Okay hear me out: airigo college (or boarding school) au where where Aiden and Varian are in a mostly friendly competition for first in the class. Hugo is secretly also in the running and the three tend to switch what place they're in all the time, though they don't know it. Hugo acts like he doesn’t care, never seems sober in class, etc, so Varian and Aiden don't like him much, and Hugo doesn't like how they act like goody two shoes.

UNTIL they have to work together in a group project that makes up a huge portion of their final grade and of course newfound understanding and gay hijinks ensue

I AM LISTENING. I AM ALL EARS.

I love thiiiiiissssss. The lil competition for first place 😭💕 they are such nerds omg. Modern AUs my beloveds! "Mostly friendly competition", I need to know how often they throw hands

Hugo looks like he sleeps in class and will be all "grades are overrated" but he actually pulls all nighters to study at home 😔 "why do you look so tired?" "Partying all night." He is lying. He was building a lego set while listening to science podcasts. Hypocrite much. 🙄

Since they don't know who's actually first do you think they're aware of the competition because the teach is enjoying their shenanigans and alluded to it? Teach liking drama and forcing them to work all together just for funsies haha. All their classmates hate them-

I actually did have a college au forever ago but it was very random (I have no idea how college works 😔) and I scrapped it for the highschool one. But it followed a similar idea of them not getting along before getting stuck together for a group project!

(Doodle from 2021) I went to reread my notes and its so bad- help- your version is much cuter I like it.

[podcastjam]

Project Spotlight #2: Hello? Are you there?

In this spotlight, we're visiting a radio tower at the end of the world to speak with Tommy of the post-apocalyptic Hello? Are you there?!

Tell us a bit about yourself and your teammates!

@starcourtmallcollective: Hi! I’m Tommy, a osdd1-b system who loves writing! I’m the writer of the podcast (big surprise hehe) and I cannot wait to show what we’ve got in store! I’ve never done anything like this before but I do love listening to podcasts such as Hello From The Hallowoods and The Magnus Archives!

Hi, I’m Monte D. Monteleagre. I’m a writer, musician, photographer and apparent artist living in New York City. I’m a member of Wolf Mountain Workshop and help write and produce inc: The Podcast as well as stories on Tales From Wolf Mountain. For this project, I will be designing the cover art.

@wav-file: Hi I'm Jay, I'm the editor for this project! It's my first time making a podcast and I'm super excited about it!

@im-the-punk-who: Milo here! A writer, actor, artist, and general ex-theatre-kid, I am the VA for this project! Recent projects include the last three rounds of Hubris, in the episodes 'The Dreamscape Highway,' 'Whiskering City,' and 'Let Me Tell You A Story.'

What's your podcast about?

Our podcast is about a person in a post apocalyptic world! A man-made one, so the economy crashed, we all blew ourselves up, etc. the main character, Aiden, finds an old radio tower and uses it to tell stories of old! And some stories of personal people he’s met that he never got to keep for long. It heavily centers around themes of abandonment and being lonely!

What are you most excited about in this event?

I’m most excited about the voice behind Aiden, our VA is absolutely AMAZING and I can’t to hear Aiden come to life!

Any advice for other participants, or those on the fence about joining?

Umm, I’d have to say that while it sounds scary, it’s so much fun! It’s like ripping a bandaid off and you’ll have a whole team to help out as well. If you have an idea or if you think you’d want to dip your toes into something, then do it! Believe in yourself!

This team is not accepting new members at this time, but if you're interested in learning more about the Podcast Jam event, check out this post for more information.

[fluffyllamas-23]

🎮🩹🐈🍃🍝 for Jason and Ryan?

Thank you for this! As a refresher, Jason is an elementary school principal, and Ryan is an attorney. I’m also including Paul and Aiden like you suggested the other day. Paul is a writer who recently published his first novel and has had some short stories published in magazines. Aiden owns a christmas tree farm with his family (okay that’s kind of a random occupation, I know, but last year I decided I needed some OCs modeled after hallmark movie characters so here they are lmfao). Some slight TW for mentions of ab//use

🎮 What are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

Jason: Pretty much all of his hobbies are outdoors or involve being active. He loves to hike. It helps him clear his mind and get his thoughts in order if his ADHD meds aren’t doing their job. He likes to go with Ryan, too. He’s into rock climbing as well. He never does it outside, but he’ll go to the gym that has a really nice rock climbing wall and can spend hours there. He also plays soccer in a rec league. He played soccer for years, all through high school and in college, and now he has the rec league to get his soccer fix.

Ryan: Ryan loves to read, and his favorite genre is high fantasy. He has a few authors whose work he loves to relax to, and he will frequently re-read books. If he’s had a really long and stressful day, he’ll come home and pick up his VERY well loved copy of LOTR and will read that for a bit to decompress. He loves to hike, too. It’s something he and Jason like to do together. Sometimes they bring their kids on kid-friendly ones, other times they find someone to watch them so they can do more strenuous ones. He loves to play the piano, too. He’s been playing off and on for a number of years, and really enjoys finding his favorite movie scores and trying to teach them to himself. 

Paul: Paul is a big art history buff. He loves going on museum dates with Aiden (they’re his FAVORITE dates), and going to the museum when there are new exhibits. He also has a few pieces from his favorite artists hanging up in his office and their house. He’s a big reader, too. Kind of cliche for a writer, but he truly believes that the best way to write well is to consume as much literature as possible, so he does. When he was married to his ex, he loved reading because it was an escape from his really toxic relationship and something he could dissociate with. Now, though, he reads more for enjoyment and relaxation. He’s really into film as well. He has favorites from all decades and will spend hours listening to podcasts on his favorite ones and consuming as much media about them as possible. 

Aiden: Aiden is clinically insa-I mean loves to run! He was on the cross-country team all throughout middle and high school, and kept it up after. It’s something that’s really grounding and soothing for him, and he’ll often go on a second run if he’s feeling extra stressed for whatever reason that day. He likes pottery, too, and will often go to the local pottery shop where he can take classes. One day he’d like to have a studio setup in their house, but until then he just goes to the shop. He’s a really great cook, too and loves it a lot. He loves challenging himself to make really complicated recipes and can usually pull them off beautifully. Paul also enjoys this hobby of his because he always benefits from it lmao. 

🩹 Does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

Jason: Jason has no physical disabilities, but he is neurodivergent. He has ADHD and is medicated for it. He takes meds everyday which usually help beautifully - it quiets his brain and allows him to be much more organized in his day to day life. He’s an elementary school principal and he NEEDS to be able to be quick and with it enough when managing his employees, the kids, and their parents. It’s a lot and he would feel incapable of doing it well if he weren’t medicated. On days where his normal dose doesn’t work for whatever reason, he’s been prescribed another low dose, quick release med he can take to give him the boost he needs. He’s also dyslexic. He had the loveliest tutor when he was in school who had a lot of experience working with students who have learning disabilities and it helped him make it through. As an adult, he still won’t read for fun because he finds it stressful. It’s difficult to keep his place, and the words get all jumbled up and he gets really frustrated. He can do it for work when he has to but he has to really slow down and take his time. One of his office managers, Alaina, will often read whatever it is to him and help him transcribe emails as long as it’s not any sensitive student information he has to read. She’s pretty much family at this point (he was her student in his first year of teaching, so he’s known her for a lot of her life) and she never makes him feel judged or embarrassed by needing help.  

Ryan: Ryan doesn’t have any physical or mental disabilities. 

Paul: Paul has no physical disabilities, but he has anxiety and depression and is medicated for both. The antidepressants are an everyday, he MUST take them, kind of thing, but the anxiety meds are more for if all of his coping mechanisms aren’t working and he needs them on a rescue-basis. 

Aiden: Aiden has no physical or mental disabilities.

🐈 Does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

Jason: Jason has a wide circle of friends that he likes to hang out with sometimes. They’ll all go out to the movies, or for dinner and drinks, stuff like that. Most of them also have kids, so they’ll often have gatherings where the kids can go hang out while the adults do as well. Even though he loves that bigger group of friends, he has a pretty small circle of a handful of friends he’d consider his best friends.

Ryan: Ryan prefers a smaller circle of friends. He’s not a huge fan of large social gatherings, though he’ll sometimes come to dinner and drinks with Jason’s larger group of friends. Sometimes he’ll go out for happy hour with his coworkers at his firm, too, but overall he definitely prefers to keep a really small close group of friends. 

Paul: Paul is really introverted. It takes a while for him to trust people enough to let them in because he just doesn’t trust people easily. His ex-husband was abusive and really isolated him, so he lost a lot of friends during that relationship. He’s slowly building his social circle back, but it’s just going to take awhile. 

Aiden: Aiden has a larger social circle than Paul, but he’s not looking to expand it, really. He still doesn’t have a ton of friends in his social circle, as he really prefers quality over quantity. 

🍃 What is/was your oc's favorite subject in school?

Jason: Jason was a big fan of hands-on subjects.  His favorite academic subject was any science class he took that had a heavy hands-on component, and his favorite non-academic subjects were ceramics and woodshop. He’s really good at working with his hands and I think if he hadn’t gone into teaching, he’d have skipped college and gone to some sort of trade school.

Ryan: Ryan’s favorite subjects in school were pretty much any history class, and his speech and debate classes. That may be kind of cliche bc lawyer, but he really thrived in those classes.

Paul: His favorite classes were always his English classes. He’s always loved all sorts of literature and writing, and had always had his teachers tell him he should seriously consider becoming a writer. He also loved history, specifically the art history courses he took in college. He would frequently take those as his elective even if they weren’t technically considered electives. 

Aiden: Aiden was NOT an academic person. He didn’t like school, and there were no subjects he was passionate about. He hated being stuck inside, he hated the fluorescent lights, and he hated having to sit for long stretches of time. He’s smart and did well by just skating by but he resented having to sit and learn everything lmao. He did really like gym class and ended up being in cross country in middle and high school. He just has a lot of energy and it wasn’t conducive to having to sit for long periods of time. 

🍝 What is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

Jason: Jason is your classic ADHD “hyperfixation meal” kinda guy. He’ll only want to eat something for weeks and then all of a sudden is so tired of it and doesn’t want it anymore, and then he’ll move onto the next thing. He’s not really a fan of complicated, fancy food. He’d much rather have pizza and wings, or mac n cheese, or a burger than going to grab sushi.

Ryan: Ryan, in contrast to his husband, is a big fan of really interesting food, complex food. He really likes any kind of Asian food, especially sushi and will frequently go get it with the other partners and attorneys at his firm. 

Paul: Paul really loves diner food. Grilled cheese, mac n cheese, burgers, that kind of thing. He also likes steak, which is good because Aiden loves that. He’s pretty picky and likes what he likes. His ex always made him feel guilty for his food preferences and would often make comments about how he can’t have what he likes because Paul is soooooo picky and it would make him feel bad. Aiden will tell him not to feel bad about what he wants to eat and he’s happy to go wherever Paul wants to go.

Aiden: Aiden is a big steak and potatoes person. He loves loaded baked potatoes and loaded baked potato soup, and if he could subsist solely on steak and potatoes, he WOULD. He and Paul will frequently go out on dates to the museum and then finish the night off with a fancy steakhouse. 

[hozaloza]

Aiden v Thomas thingy (Rainbow Factory AU)

Song- Stayed Gone from Hazbin Hotel

(This is a parody in a way)

Aiden-That fucker is back! Ben (on speech device)-Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too. A-It's been years! B-You still pissed he almost beat you that time? A-Uh, fuck you!? B-Just saying. A-Things have changed a lot since he went back to the main company.. B-That's for sure. A-I gotta send a message of who's really in charge of things now… {Aiden} Welcome home I'm gonna make you wish that you'd stayed gone Say hello to a new status quo Everyone knows that there's a brand new dawn Turn the TV on! {Rainbow Swans Logo broadcast} Camera speeds Rolling in three, two (Welcome to the show) A-Top of the hour, and we're discussing a certain has-been Who has been spotted cavorting around town (Welcome to the show) After a long-year absence! Did anybody miss him? (Welcome to the show) Did anybody notice? More on tonight's program So, the Smiling Crane is back in town, Why is he hanging around? What does that mean for your family? Well handily, I've got good news! He's a loser, a fossil! And I don't mean to sound hostile, {but the Crane is a coward!} You can take that as gospel. Pulling my viewers? Impossible!! I'm visual, he's barely audible! Stop giving him the time of day, don't listen to a word he'd say :) I hope he had a nice vacay, {but he should've stayed away}

A-While he hid in radio, we've pivoted to video (Thomas walking in the Company official broadcast rooms) Now his medium is getting bloody rare! Rainbow Origami's been better since he split :) Where's he been? Who gives a shit?! :D {Thomas} Salutations! Good to be back on the air Yes, I know it's been a while Since someone with style treated Georgia to a broadcast Georgians, rejoice! A-What a dated voice! T-Instead of a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast A-Come on! T-Is Aiden insecure, pursuing allure? Flitting between this fad and that, is nothing working? A-Ignore his chirping! T-Every day, he's got a new format! A-You're looking at the future, he's the shit that comes before that! T-Is Aiden as strong as he purports? Or is it based on his support? He'd be powerless without the other Clarks A-Oh, please! T-And here's the sugar on the cream His dad asked me to join his team! A- H-hold on! T-I said no, and now the child's pissy That's the tea! A-You old-timey prick, I'll show you suf-ffering T-Uh oh, the golden child is buffering! A-I'll destroy you, yo-ou lit-tle— {Thomas} I'm afraid you've lost your signal Let's begin I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone, tune on in When I'm done, your status quo will know its race is run Oh, this will be fun {Aiden} Fuck!

-------

Daniel asked Thomas if he wanted to join the Rainbow Swans sub-organization for a deal, but Thomas declined, rather working at the main company. Daniel himself didn't care, understanding Thomas, but Aiden was pissy about it.

"Oh, why didn't he join my family's sub-group?? Does he think he's too good for us??? Well, I'll show him >:("

And so Thomas had a grudge against a child for like 5-7 years (he sees it as a silly thing, Aiden sees it as serious competition).

Imagine Aiden's horror (comedically) when he found out where Thomas was working at for the company.

[tyler-lawson]

Aiden’s Arrest - Part 1

Cameron sat in his seat on the plane, headphones in his ears and ignoring everything going on around him. He was happily listening to his True Crime podcast and was excited to be home. As the seatbelt sign clicked off, he removed his seatbelt, grabbed his backpack from under the seat, and slowly shuffled off the plane. His gate-checked bag was just sitting there next to the door. He grabbed his small black roller bag, and headed off up the ramp and into the concourse.

The 25-year walked through the concourse, headed back to his car, moving quickly through the crowds of people. He heard some shouting and looked around seeing a bunch of people pushing out of the way. He looked back and saw a uniformed officer pushing his way through the crowd. "Aiden! Stop!" He heard the officer shout, the sound finally making it through the noise cancelling of his earbuds. Cameron looked around a bit, looking to see who the officer might be going after, while still returning to skirting through the crowd, trying to get out of the officer's way.

He finally pushed his way into a more open space, and hung close to the wall, trying to stay out of the way of others. He only made it a couple of paces before he was tackled from behind.

***

I was following along a tracker that had been placed on our suspect as he was leaving Boston. As soon as it got off the plane, I followed it through the concourse. I saw Aiden, my suspect, just as described, white dress shirt, blue slacks, brown shoes, 25, 5'9", black rolling suitcase, grey backpack. He was moving quickly through the crowd, and sped up when he saw me.

I called out to him, and he looked back, locked eyes with, and started pushing his way faster through the crowd. I started aggressively making my way toward him. When we got into an open spot, he tucked himself up against the wall, trying to hide a bit, glancing over his shoulder every few steps trying to keep an eye on me.

I lowered my shoulder and charged, catching the small of his back with my shoulder and wrapping my arm around his waist as I speared him from behind. The blow knocked him off his feet, he dropped his back and sprawled on the ground.

I quickly scrambled on top of him, dragging his arms behind his back, pulling his backpack off, and securing his hands with a pair of hinged handcuffs. "Aiden, you are under arrest for embezzlement and fraud." I proudly pronounced as he regained his focus and started squirming under me.

"What the hell, man?" He yelled out, struggling ineffectually. "What the hell is going on."

"You are under arrest, Aiden. Now shut up and stop struggling."

"Who are you talking about?"

"You, man. Aiden Leeds."

"Fuck off. My name is Cameron, you got the wrong guy."

"Oh yeah? I don't think so. You got any ID?" I ask, starting to frisk him. I note that his slacks are very tight on his body, leaving little room for a wallet or phone and even less to the imagination. Despite that, I started feeling his back pockets, and rolling him on his side to check his front pockets.

"Yeah, it is in my suitcase." He responded angrily. "Now get off me." He said, slightly kicking at me as I rolled him on his side.

"Stop that or I will additionally charge you with assault on an officer." I said, helping him sit up and grabbing his fallen suitcase from beside him.

"There in the front pocket." He directed.

I opened the front pocket, pulling out a wallet and phone. I opened up the wallet and pulled out the ID.

AIDEN LEEDS

DOB 02/11/1998

I turned it around to him to show him. "You were saying?"

He flushed red as he focused on the ID. "You planted that. That is not my ID. My name is Cameron. Cameron Evans."

"You saw me pull it out of your suitcase here." I said, standing up over him.

"No, I don't. That is not my ID. That is not my name." He repeated confused.

"Alright. Well, why don't you stand up and we can take you back and sort this out." I offered, leaning down and grabbing his elbow.

He looked up at me, standing as I pulled him to his feet. "This can't be right." He kept muttering under his breath.

I gathered his backpack and suitcase, pocketing his wallet and phone. I grabbed firmly onto his elbow and lead him away. In the chaos, a small group of people had gathered around, taking pictures and videoing with their phones as I marched my quarry across the plaza.

I led him all the way out of the airport and stuffed him into my waiting cruiser parked in one of the loading zones. The ride was silent as he seemed too stunned to really process everything that was going on.

(Thanks to @johncoldiani for the inspiration for this story)