#ai chubby lad

[expansivecoding]

Does feeder Chihiro exist?

If you enjoy a chubby lad who wants to use AI to help make you mega obese, then yes.

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

„Ich bin ganz schön pummelig geworden. Alles fing an, dass ich im Frühjahr in die Höhe geschossen bin. Mitte Mai hat dann der Arzt festgestellt, dass ich untergewichtig sei. Eine Förderkur sei vielleicht angebracht. In den Pfingstferien haben meine Eltern versucht mehr und kalorienreicher zu kochen und ich mehr zu essen. Nach den Feiertagen rief der Arzt an, er könne mich zu einer Förderkur anmelden für Anfang September unmittelbar nach dem Ende der Sommerferien. Toll, 6 Wochen weiter keine Schule ist super! Also habe ich sehr enthusiastisch ja gesagt. In den Sommerferien bin ich die ganze Zeit zum Aufpäppeln bei meiner Oma gewesen. Als ich zur Kur kam, haben sich die Betreuer gewundert, dass jemand so wohlgenährtes zur Mastkur geschickt wird. Am Ende der 6 Wochen war ich zwölf Kilo schwerer und der Arzt sagte, die Kur sei wohl zu gut angeschlagen bei mir und für mein Alter und Länge würde ich die Grenze zum Übergewicht um ein Pfund überschreiten. Direkt danach haben mich in den Herbstferien meine Eltern zum lange schon gebuchten zweiwöchigen Badeurlaub in Kreta mitgenommen. Mann, ist das Essen hier lecker. Ich habe ständig mir Berge auf den Teller geschaufelt. Meine Eltern trauen sich nichts zu sagen, auch wenn sie verkniffenes Gesicht machten. Wahrscheinlich weil sie wollen, dass ich den Urlaub genieße und sie sich mitschuldig fühlen, dass ich so aufgegangen bin. Morgen geht es zurück. Ich bin gespannt wie sehr dort über mich gelästert und ob ich gehänselt werde? Vermutlich geschieht es eher hinter meinem Rücken. Mein Sportlehrer und Trainer wird Augen machen. In die Leichtathletikmannschaft kehre ich wohl nicht mehr zurück.

“I've become quite plump. It all started when I skyrocketed in the spring. In mid-May, the doctor decided that I was underweight. A speciel weightgaining cure might be appropriate. During the Whitsun break, my parents tried to cook more and with more calories and I tried to eat more. After the holidays, the doctor called to say that he could register me for a nutritional support cure at the beginning of September, immediately after the end of the summer vacations. Great, no school for another 6 weeks is great! So I very enthusiastically said yes. During the summer vacation, I spent the whole time at my grandma's house to feed up me. When I arrived for the cure, the carers were surprised that someone so well-fed was being sent for a fattening cure. At the end of the six weeks, I was twelve kilos heavier and the doctor said that the cure had probably worked too well for me and that I was a pound overweight for my age and length. Immediately afterwards, my parents took me on a two-week beach vacation in Crete during the autumn break. Man, the food here is delicious. I was constantly shoveling mountains onto my plate. My parents didn't dare say anything,( even though they made a pinched face). Probably because they want me to enjoy my vacation and they feel guilty that I'm so risen. I'm going back tomorrow. I'm curious to see how much I'll be gossiped about there and whether I'll be teased? It will probably happen behind my back. My PE teacher and coach will be surprised. I probably won't be returning to the athletics team.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

„Irgendwie habe ich das Gefühl schwanger zu sein.“ Seit seiner Krönung vor drei Monaten, sagte ihm niemand mehr, er müsse jetzt zum Fechttraining gehen oder sich sonst wie bewegen.

‘Somehow I feel like I'm pregnant.’ Since his coronation three months ago, no one has told him to go to fencing training or exercise in any other way.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Mein Freund kann nur noch Jogginghose tragen, weil ich ihn zu gut gefüttert habe.

My boyfriend can only wear sweatpants because I've fed him too well.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Die Sommertage waren gut zu ihm.

Summer days have been kind to him.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Das ist es, was wahnsinnige Mengen an Naschereien, Fast Food, Desserts und zusätzlichen Kalorien den ganzen Tag und jeden Tag mit einem jungen, faulen und arroganten Mann anstellen können. Und er merkt noch nicht mal, dass er verfettet.

That's what insane amounts of snacking, fast food, desserts and extra calories all day and every day can do to a young, lazy and arrogant guy. And he doesn't even realize that he's getting fat.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Der Törtchenprinz Luxusleben verschafft einen Luxuskörper.

The tartlet prince A life of luxury creates a luxury body.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Diese Muffins machen mich fett....  Aber ich kann nicht aufhören, sie zu essen 😅.

These muffins make me fat…. But I can't stop eating them 😅.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

verführerische Strandschönheit

Jede Kalorie gut angelegt.

Seductive beach beauty

Every calorie well spent.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

„Ich mache meine Mutter stolz und esse immer auf.“

“I make my mom proud and always eat up.”

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

„Königliche Hoheit kann es sein, dass ihr den Süßen Trüffeln zu sehr zugeneigt seid?“

“Your Royal Highness, could it be that you are too fond of sweet truffles?”

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Der runde Reiter reitet herum. Er hält dies für Sport – das ist dumm. So wird seine Hüfte immer weiter breiter.

Bild gespendet von nicechubbies

The round rider rides around. He thinks this is sport - that's stupid. So his hips get wider and wider.

Picture donated by nicechubbies

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

„Jungs ihr sollt zum Gesundheitscheck gemessen und vor allem gewogen werden.“ „Aber der letzte war doch erst vor zwei Monaten.“

Die Jungs haben den Code von dem Süßwarenlager gehackt. Immer wenn er geändert wurde, konnten sie den neuen auslesen. Das regelmäßige plündern der Süßigkeitenkammer blieb jedoch nicht ohne Folgen für ihre Körper. So fiel der Verdacht auf sie. Jetzt versucht man sie psychisch unter Druck zu setzen, dass sie gestehen.

“Boys, you should be measured and, above all, weighed for a health check.” “But the last one was only two months ago.” The boys hacked the code from the candy storeroom. Whenever it was changed, they could read the new one. However, the regular raiding of the candy store was not without consequences for their bodies. So suspicion fell on them. Now they are trying to put them under psychological pressure to confess.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

„Willst du noch ein paar Plätzchen, mein Lieblingsspätzchen?“ Ihn weiter zu füttern ist Oma gewillt, so das sein Bäuchlein speckig aufquillt. Denn wird der Junge schön prall und rund, tut dies von ihrer Koch- und Backkunst kund. Der Knabe sich wird immer fetter speist, man sie dafür als fürsorglich preist. So wird der träge Kerl immer weiter gemästet, während man zwickend sein zartes Fleisch testet.

[sahnejungsliebhaber]

Man sagt je schlechter das Essen, desto besser die Armee. Wenn ich mir unseren Soldaten anschaue fürchte ich um unsere Landesverteidigung.

They say the worse the food, the better the army. When I look at our soldiers, I fear for our national defense.