#ahh the summer vibes are everything

[venompinks]

LISA ✽ KITH WOMEN SUMMER 24

[w2hoonki]

love at first sight | p.s

(so basically my acc got deleted T-T)

P.S | love at first sight

MDNI !

(ignore the goofy ahh title) (based on an event)

so the real event was there was a cute waiter. like he was fucking adorable. i met him in kamakura at the ramen shop. i added romance to it but i was like 14 at the time and he was probably 16+. yes i went back twice to see him and also passed him on his bike. he was so fine. anyways nothing actually happened but he will forever be in my heart <3

you were on vacation in japan with your mom, today you were in kamakura, japan. so far it was your favorite place in the world, everything about it screamed you. it was a small town near the beach, the entire time felt like a fever dream, it was so perfect for you.

it had become lunch time by the time you arrived to kamakura so you and your mom walked around until you found a cute ramen shop. when you entered you could see the beach through the windows, it had a cozy type of vibe, and it was warm. even though it was summer you were craving some ramen, and you're in japan so of course you had to get some. to order your food, you had to order on a machine, and then you were seated.

the boy who had seated you gave you butterflies, he was so pretty, almost as pretty as a jellyfish. he had a sharp jawline, fluffy dark hair, very attractive eyebrows, and just perfectness. as you were seated you couldn't keep your eyes off of him, he was exactly your type. He welcomed you and your mom as she told him in chopped japanese we speak english. he smiled at you and then tried to speak to you in english. even his voice was pretty, you were falling hard over a server, in a foreign country. he walked away to work but even as he walked away his eyes couldn't stop looking at you.

when he delivered your food, you ate it fast. maybe it's biased to think it was the best ramen you've ever had since there was a cute waiter but it was really fucking tasty. when you both finished your food the server came over and cleaned the table. when you left the ramen shop, your heart was racing.

walking back to the place you were staying you couldn't stop thinking about him. your mom had been talking about how good the food was but you couldn't help but only think about him. after a while you stopped thinking about him, enjoying your trip.

the next day you had convinced your mom to go again, maybe not fully telling her you want to go for the boy but it was tasty. when you entered the ramen shop he greeted you both with a smile and a wave. he was getting into your heart faster and faster. you both ordered what you had gotten the previous day and ate it until you both were full. when he came to get your bowls he smiled at you, almost flirtatiously.

over the week you couldn't stop thinking about him hoping you could have you anime romance moment but nothing seemed to show up for you. as your mom and you were walking to get some conveyer sushi he passed by you. he took a double look and waved at you.

when you went back one last time you asked for his number as your mom was distracted. he smiled at you and wrote down his number and his name.

xxx-xxx-xxxx park sunghoon.

the boy you had fallen head over heels for was named park sunghoon.

when you and your mom traveled back to tokyo you messaged sunghoon. you both used google translate to talk to each other, but it seemed that both people had fallen for the other. You both spent hour and hours talking to each other until one night he confesses to you.

“y/n、 ���はあなたが好きです (watashi wa anata ga sukidesu) I like you”. He said over the phone. By this time you were both on the other side of the world (depending on where you live). Even though you had both been speaking to each other your heart still couldn’t handle what he had said to you. it was like a dream, and then you both started going out, online yes but you both knew it was true love.

over time you both fell harder and harder wanting to go farther together, and here you were on the phone with him, but differently this time. Over time you both became better at the opposing language, speaking more fluently together. you  had your legs spread, dripping from arousal. the call had become heated quickly, only over a few sentences about how you missed each other. sunghoon turned on his video camera and showed you what he was doing, thinking about you, his hand slowly gripped his shaft as he was easing the pain of his erection. you whimpered out trying to hold in your noises but you couldn’t help but imagine every inch inside of you. when you turned on your camera you showed how wet you had become over the dirty talk. you could see sunghoon smirking through the phone, proud of what he was making you feel. he gripped his shaft, letting out a low groan and asked you to touch more. you smiled at his chopped english and traced your fingers around your folds, teasing the tips of your fingers to your sopping pussy. he moved the phone closer to his bulge showing you how hard he had become. you whimpered at how big he looked, and how pretty his fingers looked wrapped along his long length. you placed the camera so he had full view of your entire body, you had taken off your shirt to show off your chest. he threw his head back, thrusting hard into his hand.

a few months later, sunghoon got the chance to work in (country you live in), due to his english improving and always wanting to go there. you smiled happily, you were finally able to be with the boy you fell hard for. he wasn’t planning on moving for a few months but he was worth the wait.

(seven months later)

sunghoon exited his plane looking for you, fixing his hair, checking he looked good (please he always does). when he saw you he walked faster, but not running, as an introvert he didn’t want to cause a scene. when he had you in his arms he nuzzled his nose into your neck. you walked him to your car and pulled him into the driver’s seat, seating yourself onto his lap. he groaned at the impact, and the weight on his crotch. His hands made their way to your hips, grinding you into him. he pulled you into a heated kiss, you smiled and pulled back.

“we should probably head to my house instead of doing it here.” you say. He nodded and moved into the passenger seat. as you drove to your house your hands wandered over to sunghoon’s body. you rubbed him through his pants and felt how big his length was. 

when you arrived home you led him up to your room, seating yourself on your bed. you laid down and he pulled you up again. he smiled, but you could see the desire floating in his eyes. sunghoon kissed you again but softly, completely different from earlier. sunghoon pulled you onto his lap and held you, like a glass doll he didn't want to chip.

as you both became hotter and hotter he touched you more. you pulled back and drank in his entire presence, zipper undone, hair messy, lips puffy, and a very visible bulge. he kissed you with more want this time. he lifted his hips so he could take his pant off, your eyes grew at his erection pushing against his boxers.

"i'm not even going to lie to you, i prepped myself before picking you up" you say. he blushes at your words nodding. he removed his boxers as you removed your own clothes. you spread you folds to show sunghoon, and he placed his cock on the exposed skin. you whimper as he brushed against your clit, arching your back. he then entered you, his thickness causing you to see stars. when bottomed out he whimpered, you were so fucked out, the boy you've wanted was deep inside of you. he then started up a pace, fucking you the way he's been waiting for. your high came fast and surprised you, as he felt you pulse around him he rubbed your clit, pleasing you further.

after multiple rounds he set you down and laid next to you. you then both drifted off to sleep, finally together. <3

[the-bengali-diva]

I realized the song a thousand years by Christina Perri fits your dimension hopping sskk fic

SHIUFBKII SHUT UP DON'T BREAK MY HEART-

Lol kidding. It was me who started to break your heart first.

So lemme give you my own mental playlist!

1) Dynasty

"thought we built a dynasty

that heaven couldn't shake

Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made

Thought we build a dynasty that couldn't break up"

2)The one that got away

Never planned that one day, I'd be losing you

In another life

I would be your girl

We keep all our promises

Be us against the world

In another life

I would make you stay

So I don't have to say

You were the one that got away

The one that got away

3) The old there before, because it's a funeral song from tbosas.

"You're headed for heaven

The sweet old hereafter

And I've got one foot in the door

But before I can fly up

I've loose ends to tie up

Right here in the old therebefore"

"I'll catch you up

When I've emptied my cup

When I've worn out my friends

When I've burned out both ends

When I've cried all my tears

When I've conquered my fears

Right here

In the old therebefore

When nothing is left anymore"

4) mystery of love,

ik it's a romantic song but this vibe gives me a tragic lovers vibe especially the lyrics -

"Like hepastian who died

Alexander's lover...

Now my Riverbend has died

Shall I find no other?"

5)Atlantis

"cause in my heart

And in my head

Tell me why it has to end?

Oh, no... Oh, no..

I can't save us

My Atlantis we fall

We built this town on shaky ground

I can't save us, my Atlantis, oh, no"

5) In the stars

"I'm still holdin' on to everything that's dead and gone

I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever

And now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far

Here I am alone between the heavens and the embers"

6) Summertime sadness, this one is a must considering my fic has a summer theme.

"I think I'll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Wait is better than never

Even if you're gone, I'm gonna drive (drive), drive"

7) Dark paradise

All my friends tell me I should move on

I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song

Ahh

That's how you sang it

Loving you forever can't be wrong

Even though you're not here, won't move on

Ahh

That's how we played it

And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody

It won't leave my head

Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine

But I wish I was dead (dead, like you)

Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

8) Fable by Gigi parez

When I lifted her urn

Divinity says, "Destiny can't be earned or returned"

I feel when I question, my skin starts to burn

Why does my skin start to burn?

Ah-ah, capital loss

Love was the law and religion was taught, I'm not bought

Feel when we argue, our skin starts to rot

Our skin starts to rot

Oh

Oh

Ik ik you might wonder what this song has to do with my fic, but consider that I've been thinking about this fic over 1.5 years ofc I have the full story planned in my head. So you won't get something's right now. Maybe when I'll finish my fic.

9) Sailor song

And lately, I've tried other things

But nothing can capture the sting

Of the venom she's gonna spit out right now

Oh, won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor?

When you get a taste, can you tell me what's my flavor?

I don't believe in God, but I believe that you're my savior

I know that you've been worried, but you're dripping in my favor

And when we're getting dirty, I forget all that is wrong

I sleep so I can see you 'cause I hate to wait so long

I sleep so that I can see you and I hate to wait so long

This one I don't have to explain ofc.

10) Infinity

Oh, darling, my soul

You know it aches for yours

And you've been filling this hole

Since you were born, oh

'Cause you're the reason I believe in fate, you're my paradise

And I'll do anything to be your love or be your sacrifice

'Cause I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)

I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)

'Cause I love you for infinity (oh-oh-oh)

I love you for infinity (yeah-eh, oh-oh-oh)

Meet me at the bottom of the ocean

Where the time is frozen

Where all the universe is open

Love isn't random, we are chosen

And we could wear the same crown

Keep slowing your heart down

We are the gods now

Yeah that's all for now!

[valeriianz]

For the writer ask meme and BitB:

If you made a playlist, talk about the songs on it and share a link

💜💜💜

oh hi there c: slapping a Read More because this also got a little long

we got the OG playlist, made this in October 2022. i also answered an ask about this playlist back in late 2022, here! this is just music that gives me Endless vibes. but to be honest, ive had comments about how the band gives off more goth rock or heavy metal or even something softer and more contemporary and... you know, that's totally cool. what they sound like in my head is not the end all and if the music on this playlist isn't your jam, Endless can be whatever you want them to be haha.

this other one i didn't promote as much, but also the songs on it are a very different vibe to the one above. this playlist updates with every chapter, follow along if you want or wait til the fic is done and listen to the whole thing in order. every song coincides with something in the chapter.

some key tracks that i'll geek out about:

"Magic," chapter 1. i think it's really cute and lets us know that Hob definitely left an impression on Dream and that he was thinking about him even after such a short interaction. and the chorus foreshadows Hob going on tour with the band:

"One journey for you but it's worth it One life here with me and it's magic"

and i thought this line was a fun way to foreshadow Dream being impressed that Hob threw sass back in his face after the whole missing bass guitar incident:

"I found you one day with a mouth full of attitude And you stole me away, you stole me away"

"Four Sticks," chapter 4. Hob feeling frustrated and confused because despite how Dream is treating him, fuck- he still really likes him. also, the song is in 5/4 time ;)

"Great Divide," chapter 6. Hob is about to start his grand adventure. and Matthew is stepping way out of his comfort zone to come along. it's going to be life changing for both of them!

"If we find our way, we may never be the same On our way! On our way! And if we lose everything, what have we to gain? On our way! On our way! If we don't try to go... We may never know..."

"Imposters (Little by Little)," chapter 9. ahh a pining kind of love song (also im being a tease with the chorus being "little by little, by little by little..." haha)

"I can be the one that you just can't shake 'Til you swear that your eyes go blind We can disappear 'til the sun burns a hole In the life that we left behind And I just won't stop 'til my heart gives way And you and I are a long-lost myth There's nothing very much that you wouldn't do To be the last of the men that you romanced with"

"Lay by Me," chapter 14. just a cute lil folksy song. the chorus got me hype for their first kiss, finally! just "whoa oh oh!" all the way through lmao. but it also goes along with Hob getting Dream out of his head a little:

"Lights out, paper town, summer queens with daisy crows Merry going round-and-round, you're the darling of the town ... Scraped knees, birds and bees, duke and duchess of a dream Rainy day philosophy, a hurricane is just a breeze I'll show you the world tonight As long as you say you're mine"

<3

[joocomics]

omg that is so great to hear i hope work and everything else going on keeps being great for u !! 🫶 ive also been well and i have a few things that im looking forward to since its nearing summer holidays so ive been having a lot of fun, but i missed u lots !!!! 🥰🥰

and abt my toxic!xdh asks yesss omg im glad to hear u like them !! it honestly just came to mind bcs i sometimes write for fun as well and i particularly like writing unlikable ppl lol but i fear i'd fall for it so fast if it was them.. 💔 if u dont mind then i'll be sending in a few other thoughts related to that if i have any !!

-🐸

aw that sounds awesome!! ☺️ so happy to hear you’re doing great, i hope you enjoy everything you’re anticipating to the fullest! and i hope you have a wonderful summer overall 🫶🏼 missed you too so much 🥹

ahh you write as well? that’s great omg considering your asks that never miss i’m sure you have some amazing ideas 🤤 i looove exploring unlikeable characters it’s just so fun lol? and i’d definitely fall for the boys super quick too sigh they should make one of those memes for us that go “if you see me being manipulated by a xdinary heroes member. do not save me. i’m exactly where i wanna be.” ❤️‍🩹

of course i don’t mind!! actually, yesterday i thought of you cause i’m working on an upcoming fic for jungsu (i’ll drop a teaser soon 😋) where he’s prettyyy toxic, as well as rich and spoiled too, and i was trying to analyse him soo hard while writing the story because i want it to make sense for him yk? i don’t want him to come off as the regular douche bag just because the plot needs him to be. so i was really trying to imagine him in different scenarios, and how he’d carry himself if he was in a toxic environment, and once i settled on the way i want to portray him i was like “hm i wonder if my froggy anon would like this,” cause i reallyyyy hope you do! if a zombie apocalyptic story would be your cup of tea ofc! if not, i’m def gonna write more toxic jungsu in the future for you to enjoy 🥰

and! to quote you (from ur ask that others will be able to read soon too) “esp considering what he said in hyo's level up, i can see him "luring" you in by being extra sweet”; jungsu isn’t gonna be sweet in this story, but luring is the perfect word for the vibe i’m going for! i just think he’d be super good at manipulating you in a way he’ll gaslight you into thinking you’re just being too sensitive, too dramatic, and he’d do it super naturally, you won’t be able to notice it at all especially considering he is soft spoken and really charming; the fact people around you, who don’t know him well, always praise him for the lovely person he is and how he wouldn’t hurt a fly also wouldn’t help 😮‍💨 ok i rambled soo much sorry 😭

[hyukassubi]

🍪 09 | The Knight, The Seamstress and The Goofy Ahh Food Inspector

♡𓂃 Pairing -> (Former) Knight! Huening Kai x Seamstress! Reader

♡𓂃 Synopsis -> Growing up, you never believed in purpose, nor destiny. Simply following the path of life, becoming a royal seamstress didn't at all seem like a bad idea. Only thing is, it wasn't your idea.

Your best friend who just so happens to be the crowned prince knows what it's like to grow up having limited choices, and Prince Kang Taehyun doesn't want the same happening to you. The commander knight, in turn, has other plans for the future. After Huening Kai closes a profound chapter of his life, he seeks refuge from the chaos of his past, opting for a cozier lifestyle instead.

... And it just so seems that those plans wouldn't be fulfilled without you.

♡𓂃 Wc -> 3,073

This is our food inspector???, was the only thought that rung through your head as you stood amongst the sidelines of the heavy crowd, keeping strict eye contact with the slightly older male specimen in front of you (he was just older than you by a year).

Big-eyed, black-haired, just a teensy bit taller than Taehyun with beach sandals on, wearing a coconut-husk weaved vest with a circular red badge stuck on his chest that showcased an image of a green check mark and the words ‘APPROVED’ in bold green capital letters pasted under it as if that signifies anything. And he was just chill like that, hands in his pockets and everything, moonwalking into the ballroom going, “Hey how’s it going?” fists out for a bump that only Taehyun reciprocated because you do not trust people who look like they came out of a safari hunt.

It only hit you at that moment, with how cool and relaxed Taehyun’s vibe is, that HE must’ve been the one hiring this thing and not the King. "Taehyun, you can't just hire some rando with a sensitive nose to become a food inspector, especially for an event like this." It was like he didn’t even care about Huening Kai’s big day!

“I can, actually.” Taehyun responded, patting your back as if that would lower your guard down. He then turned back to the goofy ahh coconut husk person and went, “This is Y/n, my best friend. There’s no need to fear her, she doesn’t bite. Not all the time.”

The food inspector nodded at the charming prince, taking a mental note of his wise words before turning to you respectfully, "First of all, it's Beomgyu, and second of all, I wasn't born yesterday. This nose can smell more than just rat poison or good food."

Taehyun slipped out of your reach (oh, the betrayal!) and slung his arm around Beomgyu this time. "I'd like to add a third to that: we met in summer camp to fish out additional points for our failing grades, tutoring each other on areas where we lacked expertise: equestrian courses for me, magic courses for him."

Beomgyu slung his arm over Taehyun’s shoulder and, looking at them side by side, you hated the way their looks kinda complimented each other. “We kinda go hand in hand.”

You shrugged. "Hm, you both seem like the type who’d very fortunately somehow pass either subjects by a fraction of a decimal."

Beomgyu butted in, "You're right, actually, I can barely ride a bike as is."

Taehyun looked to the side, "Oh my God is that Kai?!?!?!?!!?"

Your head shot to the direction Taehyun was looking at. “WHERE?!?!”

Beomgyu shrieked, “WHO?!?!”

Him.

Kai Kamal Huening walks down the aisle in all his knightly magnificence looking more like an expecting bride rather than a Commander Knight but it didn’t matter because whoa just looking at him made the room full of half the entire kingdom stare like really stare at him.

At least a hundred damsels and gallants have passed out that night.

The way Huening Kai kept his chest up, facing the only path straight ahead.

Regal, so regal.

“Whoa.” Beomgyu breathed, mouth agape, unblinking, clearly not used to being faced with such ultimate majestic beauty apart from his bathroom mirror. “He’s beautiful.”

Taehyun crossed his arms, smirking all smug as if he was the production factory behind Huening Kai’s greatness and glory. “That is the future of our kingdom’s safety right there.”

Beomgyu whispered, eyes never peeling away from the knight, though you can’t be too sure whether it was his face he was looking at or that chic fur collar. “Your kingdom is in very good hands.”

You just.

Continued staring.

At your wonderful creation because good lord that matcha-coloured fur collar will go down in history!

And at Huening Kai, of course!

How can you not?

He’s so… grown? But not quite? He’s still the same boy you knew since so long ago… but not quite???

Was it the curve of his jaw? The sharpened edges of his face? A nasty trick of the light you haven’t noticed before in the dressing studio nor in the past six years?

The height increase, the shag of his poofy hair, the little things that are slowly building up on him. Even the tiniest details like that bump on his nose you’ve only seen stuck out from his picture perfect side profile, all while remaining the same old Huening Kai who would sob when he makes a mistake during knight training sessions, in need of your reminders that he’s big and strong and brave and kind and a piece of work but that’s okay because he’s got his school friends and Taehyun and you, and you were rooting for him.

How can you not look at him?

The whole red carpet walk through, he shot a couple not-so-slick glances to the side, at you.

Over the glistening waves of the pastel-cyan marbled floor, in this cool ballroom full of so, so many people, he’d shoot glances at you.

A soft stare paired with minorly furrowed brows, something that provoked the question, ‘am I doing well?’ so you’d shoot him back a thumbs up and mouth the words ‘you’re doing great’ from across the room. He’d get the message and smile that dopey smile of his, continuing forward because he trusts you.

You felt two pairs of eyes watching over you.

“… Is she okay?” That was Beomgyu side-eyeing you.

“Give her a moment, she needs it.” That was Taehyun, respectfully pushing Beomgyu aside to give his bestie some space like the king (not literally) he is.

“Taehyun, this is why we’re best friends.” That was you, ripping your eyes off of the Commander Knight-to-be, in desperate need of eyedrops.

Taehyun bowed, “Whatever you say, darling.”

At the throne was the king standing proud and tall with a sword clutched in his right arm and a confetti gun in the other, the queen sitting crossed legged on her seat with an apricot margarita in hand.

In place of the disappearing harp symphony was the blaring of trumpets.

The crowd grew silent, and the three of you watched in the front row amongst many other guards the special occasion that took place.

The King bellowed, "Ladies and Peasants, I will not be introducing only one, but two... and a possible third new recruit to the royal family. As you all may already know—" he coughs, "—as I can see from your fan signs and love letters piling at the front gates— Kai Kamal Huening will be transformed from a boy with a wooden sword into a man with a brave heart on this very day…” As the King went on and on, Huening Kai kept his head down, taking the words in, half-listening, half-imagining the trajectory of the next couple years of his life. Not just in terms of Commander Knight duties.

It’s more than that.

The adventures he’ll go on in the future, the kittens he’ll save on trees, the crying kids he’ll buy lollipops and stickers for. How he’ll have to listen to Taehyun’s every command, which will probably mostly include taking the prince out for some afternoon boba and wagyu steak. Perhaps he’ll see new faces down the line, or reunite with old friends from school.

He wondered how long you’d stay for in the next couple of years, given that knight training sessions won’t be a much needed thing for him anymore…

And then a voice erupted. “YOOO MR KING MAN WHAT’S GOOD?”

“Choi Beomgyuuuu.” The king dapped the guy up.

You stared quizically at Taehyun’s peculiar friend, though your words were definitely meant for the prince in question. “What’s he doing there?”

“You’ll see.”

It didn’t fathom you how impossibly quick Huening Kai’s fangirls switched sides, raising sign boards of ‘the food inspector’ with painted hearts around it. “Why do you have to be so smug and ominous about everything.”

The way his devious smirk just widens. “You’ll see.”

“Ladies and peasants, standing here next to me is Choi Beomgyu. As for today, his purpose is to wretch the truth out of our fellow knight here, to see if he’s really worthy of owning the ‘Commander Knight’ title, sort of like a test, you could say.” The King smirked, the spitting image of Kang Taehyun but in a beard and receding hairline. “I expect no less from our future wizard.”

…

“…”

Our. Future. What now?

Taehyun looked down at your wide eyed daze. “Why the long face?”

You turned to him. “You knew this?”

Taehyun just smirked.

“Hi.” That was Beomgyu meeting Huening Kai for the first time. “Don’t worry, this won’t hurt. Love the outfit by the way, it makes your chest stand out.”

Huening Kai swore he almost pissed his pants. “Excuse me?”

Beomgyu reached in his fanny pack, really tugging at something under there: a plastic bag. The type you’d see dentists use for short-living goldfishes for their younger patients, except its contents were far from that of a sea creature.

It was a bag of white powder.

“Your majesty, if I may have your permission to use this sprinkle-sprinkle on our Knight here.” Beomgyu asked the king, his fangirls multiplying the more he talked.

The King stepped backwards. “Do what you must, I’ll be watching very closely.”

Beomgyu opened the bag, snowballing a good chunk of the powder and blew it all over Huening Kai who did not dare to breathe in any of the dust particles. Beomgyu did, however, breathe it all in, vaccumming the air around him with his flared nostrils, eyes closed, just. Sniffing. And whenever Huening Kai dared step backwards, he’d somehow sense this and tell him to stop.

Taehyun had to physically stop you from ripping Beomgyu’s hair out for powdering Huening Kai’s outfit.

Beomgyu’s eyes shot back open, like waking up in a cold sweat after one hell of a nightmare. “I got it.” With a clap, all the powder resurrected back to Beomgyu’s plastic bag, leaving Huening Kai’s face and outfit spotless.

The crowd stood in anticipated silence, not a breath echoed the chambers of the grand palace.

“What?” The King had asked, quite literally on the edge of his seat. “What do you smell in him?”

It took a moment before a sentimental look shrouded Beomgyu’s face. "I smell... anxiety, craving, love. A whole lot of love, and dare I say a whole lot more hope."

That was all the King needed to hear.

It was all Huening Kai wanted to hear.

The King took out a slim metal sword embezzled in emerald rubies Huening Kai didn’t notice at first because he was too busy looking at his two best friends in the crowd cheering for his victory.

Huening Kai bowed on his knees, feeling the metal of his new sword on both sides of his shoulders before finally grasping the lightweight metal piece in his own two hands.

He stared into his sword, into his reflection, and you wondered what he could have possibly seen, what he thought of himself.

Was he proud? He knew you would be proud of him.

The King then proceeded to lift Huening Kai’s and Beomgyu’s hand high above their heads, almost like tugging on rag dolls, “That’s our knight and wizard, now everybody cheer!”

And so the crowd screeched a tenfold.

Beomgyu smiled a smile that showed all teeth and crinkled eyes. “That’s what I like to hear!” And Huening Kai nodded along to that sentiment as if going ‘me too!’

And that was supposed to be it.

The ceremony was supposed to end here, the villagers going back to doing their villager things like raising cattle and crying over the new cutie patootie Commander Knight and ploughing fields and fangirling over the food-inspector-wizard and bargaining already reasonably cheap products and having bi panic over the prince and his best friend. The guards would’ve returned to their stations, knights going on secret missions, maidens in the laundry room scrubbing luxury clothing and perhaps the king would stray away from every bit of common sense he had left and declare an afterparty ballroom celebration in the castle by tonight.

That was supposed to be it.

“Taehyun,” You slowly brought your hands together in an applause, too. “You knew this was gonna happen?”

“Of course I did. I knew every bit of it.”

“Mind telling me who the third recruit is, then?”

“Oh,” And that should’ve said it all. That shift from proud clapping to a distinct, irregular pause.

That ‘oh’, it should’ve said it all. “I have no idea who it is.” He trailed off…

“Oh come on.”

“No, I’m serious, the plan was really only Kai and Beomgyu so who could—”

“Don’t throw away your signs or leave the palace gates just yet!” The King reminded the audience. “We have another recruit for the royal family, a slim chance of a third recruit.”

The crowd turned their heads in perfect sync.

“A girl.”

The crowd drew closer to the throne.

“The Queen and I have been thinking…” The King cast a loving gaze to his half-drunk wife.

“We have been thinking indeed.” The Queen slurred, causing the already confused Huening Kai to grow concerned, Beomgyu grimacing, thinking to himself, ‘that would’ve tasted better with a shot of barley tea.’

The King proceeded, “That this young girl with no royal blood, no professional training, no elaborate scholarships or degree, owns immeccable talent, her taste very daring, it caught my attention as well as my wife that we need that sort of talent in these palace walls, which is why she should join the royal family.”

“Your dad should stop saying ‘join the royal family’. It sounds weird, like, so weird. As if we’re brothers and sisters.” You took one look at Taehyun that said. It. All. “Ew. No.”

“Y/n.” Taehyun looked beyond you.

“What?”

“I’m pretty sure he means you.”

A pause. “No way.”

The King screeched. “Do you folks wanna know who’s the mastermind behind that boisterous fur collar???”

The villagers held up their Huening Kai posters again, screaming ‘YES!!!’ but absolutely NO ONE screamed quite as loudly as CHOI BEOMGYU did. “OH MY GOSH YES I NEED IT- I MEAN I NEED TO KNOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Huening Kai gulped thickly. “Do I need to say something?”

The King chuckled. “You’re too adorable. Anywho, dim the lights!”

And so the lights were dimmed.

And a spotlight run by tabby fireflies shone.

And they shone onto you.

The crowd cheered, again, replacing their Huening Kai and Beomgyu fan signs with your face and hearts and sparkles and oh my god the pressure you felt this sudden moment was beyond you.

“Royal Seamstress, care to make the choice?”

You never really saw yourself as the type to freak out over life’s circumstances but perhaps this was the only time you did freak out because why were there glowing bugs five meters above your head looming around like a halo? Why did you suddenly have half a million girlfriends? Why just why and how is this all happening so suddenly right here right now all at the same time?

“M-me?” You choked out. “I’m a what now?”

“Our Royal Seamstress!” The King repeated. “That is, if you accept our humble offer, it’s not—”

The Queen pushed her husband aside, “You don’t have to accept it, darling. But we’d genuinely love to have you with us as… something more. Something grand. Perhaps this could just be your next step into a promising future, with us— the people you love most.”

“This is intense.” Beomgyu whispered to Huening Kai who was starring way too deeply into your face but that’s okay because it’s Huening Kai and he cares about you and your response to all of this unexpected buzz.

“This is so intense.” You muttered to Taehyun who was eyeing his parents with an unreadable expression, in between confusion and… something else that wasn’t particularly dislike but… something else.

“Well, it’s all up to you, after all.” The King reminded. “Not a lot of kingdoms would hire village girls out of the blue— that is not to say you have no talent! Perhaps only… a lack of experience, but, my word, that collar.”

“That collar indeed, sire!” Beomgyu exclaimed before fist bumping the King.

“Okay um.” The air thickened with silence. “I…”

The crowd, the King, the Queen, the bugs, everybody leaned in to have a closer listen.

“…”

“…”

“…I would love to.”

The entirity of the ballroom roared, a couple of villagers threw their signs and themselves in the air, guards immediately bowing with all grace; Beomgyu joining along because both parties looked like they were having fun; Taehyun side eyeing the living hell out of his best friend who, as the night progresses, seemingly grew more and more foreign to him; and Huening Kai.

Oh, Huening Kai.

He neared himself towards you, under the spotlight, the tug of his smile pillowing his cheeks, gaze soft, just soulfully looking at the girl who watched over him while eating cookies on a haystack. “Hello, Y/n.”

You blinked.

You blinked and a whole life unfolded in front of you.

More outfits, better outfits, for the knight and the wizard and the prince and so much more. Royal lineups of fashionable clothing. Extravagant trips inside carriages to fabric shops, knowing full well you’ll gain major respect from its respective owners. You in your studio close to a stretched out window, shelves upon shelves of fabrics of different variants and textures bestowed upon you like a library. Getting metaphorical princess treatment alongside Taehyun, earning solid cash.

Having a solid identity.

You blinked, and the Commander Knight took his hand out, and he didn’t have to say it because the look on his face clearly shows: he’s proud of you.

“Hello, Royal Seamstress.”

Your hand slid into his, liking your new name a little too much. “Hello, Commander Knight.”

The Royal Portrait for this notorious occasion took place.

You are expected to hold Huening Kai’s hand. For three whole hours. While The King posed with a peace sign behind you and Beomgyu clinked ‘pure’ barley tea with the Queen’s margarita.

When Beomgyu got into position, he sighed, looking at the intertwined hands and the tension that only came off of Huening Kai’s shoulders.

He whispered. “Love… a whole lot of it.”

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♡𓂃A/n: my most favourite chapter I've written in like, ever. And with that, cookie era is over ...

♡𓂃Tags: @sweetheartsaku @imcringebutimfree @i-like-to-read-at-4am @pengningie @marloree @stormy1408 @blossommi @flaminghotyourmom

Reblog & review if you like my work !!

[aeoki]

HOLISTIC HOLIC - Epilogue 2

Characters: Kouga, Hiiro, Aira, Mayoi & Tatsumi

Hiiro: “Thanks for coming to ‘HOLIC’ tonight, everyone!”

Tatsumi: “Our concert is coming to a close soon. We’ve prepared a new song for this concert.”

“Please listen to ‘UNDYING HOLY LOVE’.”

Hiiro: “♪~♪~♪”

(“UNDYING HOLY LOVE” is a song that lasts just one night, but also a song of prayer that promises eternity.)

(It’s a wonderful song that spells out Tatsumi-senpai’s feelings.)

(We’ve come a long way to reach where we are. If only I was a more reliable leader – I feel so bad.)

Hiiro: (I’m going to work hard every day so that I can become a leader Tatsumi-senpai can easily rely on.)

(I might still be unreliable now and I still don’t have enough experience, so I might disappoint people.)

(But even so, I want to face them.)

(Because I really, really like “ALKALOID” and everyone in it.)

Aira: “♪~”

(Ahaha, this is so much fun!)

(I was anxious, wondering how it’ll all turn out in the end, but everything has wrapped up so nicely ♪)

(Is this also all thanks to me? …Just kidding, there’s no way I’d get that carried away.)

(But I hope my experience from “Feather Touch” was even a little bit helpful…)

(It’s all thanks to Tattsun-senpai who supported me during my performance back then.)

(Thank you. I’m gonna sing my heart out in exchange!)

“♪ ♪ ♪”

Mayoi: “♪~♪~”

(I can see everyone has levelled-up since our performance in the summer…)

(It feels like everything we’ve done so far wasn’t in vain and that makes me happy ♪)

(I must thank everyone in “ALKALOID” for accepting me for who I am.)

(They were far too bright for me – someone who lived deep underneath the ground – and there were times where I wanted to look away.)

(But “ALKALOID” is my home.)

(Ahh, I want to give back to everyone who has given me so much love!)

(I hope you’ll take good care of me in the future as well…♪)

Tatsumi: “.........♪”

(...Hehe, I can feel it even if we’re apart. I can feel everyone doing their utmost and showing the audience what they’re capable of.)

(I was too focused on the past when I was coming up with ideas for “UNDYING” and ended up causing everyone a lot of trouble.)

(But I thank you all for pointing me on the right path and for singing this song of undying feelings alongside me.)

(–Are you watching, little miss ghost?)

(I’m doing well. I’m surrounded by such lovely people and despite being told I’d never be an idol again, here I am – standing atop a stage.)

(You were the one that helped me take that first step forward.)

Tatsumi: (I hope you can beat your illness and can sing your life–, no your songs.)

(I once lost my life as an idol…)

(I could only regain that because of my fans who patiently waited for my comeback.)

(And it’s also thanks to the members of “ALKALOID” who walked side by side with me.)

(This song shall be dedicated to them in appreciation and gratitude.)

(I shall sing a love song of undying and eternal love.)

“♪~♪~”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< The next day. >

Tatsumi: ………♪

Kouga: You sure seem to be in good spirits, Kazehaya-senpai.

I bet it’s because your “HOLIC” concert was a success. Am I right?

Tatsumi: I’m sorry, was I being a bother?

It’s not good for emotions to show so easily on the face, right? I can’t help but relax when I’m in my own room.

Kouga: Nah, I don’t care ‘bout stuff like that. You’re just overthinkin’ it.

I was watching “HOLIC” at the office.

Everyone felt so alive and full of energy. It made me wanna be on stage too.

…Well, I also liked that imperfect vibe you had during “UNDYING” too, though.

Tatsumi: I’m glad to hear you enjoyed it. I spent quite some time mulling over it.

Thank you for your suggestions back then.

And I’m sorry for not taking them into consideration, Kouga-san.

Kouga: It’s fine. You were makin’ such a gloomy face in here, so I couldn’t stand back and watch ya do that, ya know? ♪

Tatsumi: Hehe. You were a great help. It’s rare for me to rely on someone, you see.

Kouga: Yeah. I can tell since we share the same room, but you’re always worrying about it on your own, huh.

How about you try dog therapy? People will just yap and yap. I can teach you a few ways of how you can relax with dogs.

Tatsumi: I suppose you’re right. That sounds like a great idea… I tend to have a strong sense of responsibility, after all.

This part of me may never be fixed, but even so, little by little…

Aira: Tattsun-senpai! It’s almost time for our meeting! We’re reviewing our concert, remember?

I’ve already booked a meeting room for us, so let’s go together!

Mayoi: I’ve brought tea and snacks, so let’s watch the concert archive while we have some food…♪

Tatsumi: …Oh, it’s time already?

I’d like to gradually change.

Even if people’s ways of thinking and emotions are complex, even if it’s something baffling…

I love the sorts of interactions and exchanges that take place between people.

Kouga: Between people, huh…

Well, I guess that’s fine? It sounds like a pain, but it also sure sounds a million times better than being treated like some inhuman god.

Tatsumi: ? Did I talk to you about that, Kouga-san?

Kouga: ? No, I just knew someone who was like that before.

They were put on a pedestal by the people around them and was caught up in somethin’ real annoying.

Anyway, your companions are calling for you. Don’t you have to go?

Tatsumi: You’re right. I’ll ask you what you thought of “HOLIC” another time…

Hiiro-san, Aira-san, Mayoi-san! I’ll be right there…♪ ���……♪

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter

[shiningwonderland]

Syo Kurusu (Repeat)

Translator: Terry (Twitter: turtlemudge)

Proofreader: Ellie (Twitter: ellieplatypus)

QA: Raz (Twitter: agnadance)

September — Dangerous March

Warning: Accidental groping

Syo Kurusu: Ahh, dammit!! I can't accept this…

It's the last day of summer vacation. Syo-kun and I are in the recording room together, editing a song.

Somehow we managed to finish the normal summer homework by yesterday, but…

There's also an "independent project"… Basically, we have to write any sort of song we want and turn it in. We haven't done that yet.

Haruka Nanami: I thought that the last one seemed fine, though.

Syo Kurusu: No… it's weak. It's the lead-in to the hook.

Syo Kurusu: It's just not clicking somehow. Pausing even a moment too long totally changes the vibe.

Syo Kurusu: Look, it's not like I've been singing ever since I was a kid like everybody else, so my vocal skills are honestly pretty weak.

Syo Kurusu: My teachers told me that singing isn't a skill I can master overnight—they're telling me to give it three years.

Syo Kurusu: But I'm confident in my sense of rhythm and my articulation! And since I want to take advantage of those strong points, I can't slack off on the rhythm.

Syo Kurusu: But even then… it's still weak. If I compromise on it, I won't keep improving. Right?

Syo Kurusu: Besides, you made such a good song. I want to sing it so that it sounds as awesome as it possibly can.

Syo-kun gives me a huge grin.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun… thank you.

Syo Kurusu: What are you thanking me for? I'm the one who should be thanking you, okay? Thanks for making such an awesome song.

Syo-kun plops his hand onto my head and keeps it there, petting me.

… His hand ruffling my hair feels nice…

Syo Kurusu: Well, back to work. Let's try and keep going until we get a take we're okay with, yeah?

Haruka Nanami: Ah… well, then…

Select the Phrase!

軽く歌ってみるとか Do you want to try singing along lightly for now? (+0 Love, +5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: "Lightly"…? But it's the hook—it's the most intense part of the song.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… yes. So maybe, trying it just this once…

I thought being too intense might be causing your problems with the timing…

Syo Kurusu: I see… You have a point.

Thus, Syo-kun tries singing the hook over and over more lightly, getting a feel for the rhythm at the start.

気負わないでみて…… You could try to avoid getting too worked up…. (+0 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Maybe you're putting too much force into it at that part.

Syo Kurusu: Well, it IS the hook, so it should be intense, shouldn't it?

Haruka Nanami: Yes… but still. Maybe you're overthinking the need to get it perfect and getting flustered.

Syo Kurusu: You're right, maybe I can feel myself rushing ahead a little there. Okay then, I'll take a deep breath and try it again after I've calmed down.

Haruka Nanami: Let's record a lot of takes of just the hook, and then pick the best one. Maybe we don't need to think of this as something we need to get right in one take…

Syo Kurusu: Nah, I always put everything I have into what I do!! But you might be right. Let's try doing it over and over, changing the nuance each time.

Haruka Nanami: Okay!!

And so, we try changing the nuance on every take, until Syo-kun pulls off a take that he's sure he's happy with.

オケだけ聴いてみたら？How about you try just listening to the instrumental first? (+0 Love, +10 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Without singing, you mean?

Haruka Nanami: Yes… before, Hyuga-sensei said that if you're confused while singing, you should listen to the instrumental on its own…

Haruka Nanami: By doing that, you can visualize at what point in the song you need to come in. He said it's important to commit the beat to your muscle memory.

Haruka Nanami: When you're singing, you're too busy being conscious of your voice, and your ear becomes careless. It's important not to try to do it all at once at first.

Haruka Nanami: If you get a clear image of the rhythm in your head first, and then add your voice on top, your singing will fit the instrumental line well.

Syo Kurusu: Is that so? Then I'll try it.

And so, Syo-kun listens to the song that I made, beating his fingers against his thigh like he's drumming.

Syo Kurusu: Alright!! I've got the rhythm!! I’ll try singing it.

Haruka Nanami: Sure.

Ah… amazing…

What I wanted to do, what I was hoping to convey… he understands it all.

It's like our hearts are speaking to one another. I'm so happy…

This time, Syo-kun makes the song I composed totally his own.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah! That was good!!

Syo Kurusu: Next, there's this bit…

As he says that, Syo-kun leans closer to the sheet music and points.

Haruka Nanami: Where?

I also lean in to examine the sheet music more closely, but…

Ah… his face… is so close…

Syo Kurusu: Ah…

For some reason, the moment gets awkward, and we look away at the same time.

Haruka Nanami: U-um!

Fwip. I step on a loose sheet of paper, my foot slips, and I lose my balance.

Syo Kurusu: Careful!!!

GRIP!

Syo-kun reaches out and catches me firmly, supporting me.

But…

Syo Kurusu: Gwah!!

Syo-kun's balance gets thrown off too, and we crash to the floor together.

Syo Kurusu: Owww... !!!!!!!

One hand holding his head, Syo-kun starts to get up. Then he realizes where his other hand is, and freezes.

… His other hand… is touching my chest.

Syo Kurusu: No!! T-this is, uh… i-it was an accident!!

Syo Kurusu: I-I wasn't thinking that I wanted to touch it, or that it's softer than I thought, or anything like that, okay?!

… So… uh… sorry.

Syo-kun turns crimson, hanging his head.

Haruka Nanami: Why are you apologizing?

Syo Kurusu: Eh… because I, well…

Haruka Nanami: You didn't do anything wrong, Syo-kun. You were just trying to help me… So… don't apologize…

Syo Kurusu: … You're sweet… Thanks.

Pat. Rub, rub.

Syo-kun pets my head like he's praising a small child.

Haruka Nanami: ???

I'm happy to have my head patted, but…

What is he praising me for, again?

I gaze at Syo-kun, mystified, and he hurriedly looks away and clears his throat.

Syo Kurusu: A-anyway, moving on!! Let's get back to recording.

Haruka Nanami: Yeah.

A few days later…

A ranking of the songs we turned in with our summer homework is posted in the hallway.

Syo Kurusu: Hey! Haruka!! Look at this!!

Haruka Nanami: What��? No way…

The song that Syo-kun and I made is… the best of our grade…

I can't believe it… This must be a dream…

Syo Kurusu: We did it! HAHAHAHA!

A sweet grin spreads across Syo-kun's face as he hugs me tightly.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yeah!

Syo Kurusu: Ah… sorry I just, uh…

Syo Kurusu: But… I’m just so happy. This is…

Syo-kun gazes triumphantly at the display board.

Select the Phrase!

翔くんのおかげだね It's thanks to you, Syo-kun. (15 Love, 5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Nope!! This is a victory that we achieved together! Okay?

Haruka Nanami: Oh…

うんっ！Yeah!! (10 Love, 5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: This just goes to show that the magnificent Syo Kurusu and Haruka Nanami make a great team.

夢なんじゃ…… Is this a dream…? (20 Love, 5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: What, do you think you fell asleep standing up?! Here, look closer. This isn't a dream. It's real.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yeah…

But I still can't believe it.

Syo Kurusu: Sheesh…

Syo-kun gently pinches my cheek.

Haruka Nanami: Ouch!

Syo Kurusu: See? This isn't a dream.

Haruka Nanami: Yeah.

Syo Kurusu: Sorry… Did I hurt you… ?

Syo-kun rubs the spot where he pinched me.

Haruka Nanami: Just a little… but it's okay.

I softly cover Syo-kun's hand, which is still on my face, with my own.

Syo Kurusu: O-okay… Anyway…

Syo Kurusu: Let's keep this up for the graduation audition, okay?

Pat. Syo-kun puts his hand on my shoulder.

Haruka Nanami: Okay!!

While we're both celebrating…

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~!! High scores put you on top of the wooorld.

… the principal appears behind us.

Shining Saotome: I will grant you a special reward.

The principal pulls out a plastic card and shows it to us. It says, "S Class Limited Edition Competitor Ticket! Surpass the principal!! Topple him in a match and debut immediately."

Syo Kurusu: "Topple"…? Me…? Against Shining Saotome…?

Syo-kun stares down at his hand, then closes it tightly, making a fist.

His fist trembles slightly, maybe from nerves, but Syo-kun suddenly has an excited look on his face.

Shining Saotome: That's riiight. You will compete with ME in a scavenger huuunt. If you win, you will debut immediatelyyy.

Syo Kurusu: —wait, a scavenger hunt?! I was sure you meant hand-to-hand….

Shining Saotome: YOU don't know how to ask for things politelyyy. BUT other than that, you have the talent to debut right NOWWW.

Shining Saotome: You'll WIN if you carry the item to this girl at the gooooal.

Shining Saotome: And this MEEEANS! Reach the goal and Go to Heaven!

As he says this, the principal tucks me and Syo-kun under each of his arms and leaps into the air.

Haruka Nanami: Huh?!

Syo Kurusu: Whoa!!

Syo Kurusu: Wha… what was that just now…? I'm seeing stars…

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~! That's a side effect of breaking the sound barrieeeer!

The sound barrier…? So that's what that was…

We certainly traveled the distance from that hallway to the sports field in the blink of an eye.

Syo Kurusu: That was… the sound barrier…? Somehow, I feel like I glimpsed the afterlife for a second.

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~! You're imagining thiiings!

Shining Saotome: Now, let's compose ourselves and begin the scavenger huuunt. YOU will proceed to the goal area!

Haruka Nanami: Yes, sir.

Shining Saotome: Well then well then, the first to draw will be MEEE.

The principal snaps his fingers, and a stagehand appears and presents a box full of slips of paper.

Shining Saotome: Which-one-shall-I-choose-I-wonder. Hmm!! Thiiis one!

The principal puts his hand into the box and draws out a slip of paper.

Shining Saotome: … Ohhh.

The moment he opens it, the principal's brows draw together in a frown.

Syo Kurusu: What is it?

Syo-kun peers at the piece of paper the principal drew.

Syo Kurusu: Let's see what we have here… Huh? "The Statue of Liberty in New York"? That's impossible for…

Shining Saotome: Hmmmmmmm. This ocean is there, the land is over there, and so it should be somewhere around….

Shining Saotome: If I go here, there, and here again—there's the shortcuuut!

The principal stares at a map of the world brought by a stagehand. And then…

Shining Saotome: I've, basically, got it! Now then… START!

The principal runs off with tremendous speed.

Syo Kurusu: … Is the old guy seriously gonna bring back the Statue of Liberty? No way. Guess I'll be winning this.

With a huge smile on his face, Syo-kun draws a slip of paper. But…

Syo Kurusu: Gah!!

… the moment he sees what's written on the paper, his expression freezes.

Haruka Nanami: Um… what's it say?

Syo Kurusu: Na… Natsuki Shinomiya's… glasses…

Haruka Nanami: Ah…

Apparently, when A Class's Natsuki Shinomiya's glasses are taken off… his alternate personality awakens and wreaks utter destruction.

Come to think of it, I believe I caught a glimpse of that side of him during the sports festival…

Yeah… That was a bit scary…

Select the Phrase!

あきらめますか？Are you going to give up? (20 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Taking Shinomiya-san's glasses is too dangerous.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, it might be. But… a man shouldn't give up on a competition so easily.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun…

I take one of Syo-kun's hands in both of mine.

Syo Kurusu: Wh-wh-what are… you doing…?

Haruka Nanami: You're doing it no matter what, then.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah…

Haruka Nanami: Please stay safe… somehow…

Syo Kurusu: Don't worry. I'll be perfectly fine. All you need to do is wait here for me!

Saying that, Syo-kun pats me gently on the back with his other hand.

覚悟を決めるしか… I guess you have no choice… (15 Love, +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Yeah. You're right. Sorry. I might be putting you in danger, but I swear I'll protect you.

Syo Kurusu: I'll keep you safe, no matter what.

Syo-kun clenches his fists tightly.

引き分けでしょうか？So it's a tie? (0 Love, +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Well, the other thing is nearly impossible, too. But still, just doing nothing because of that doesn't sit right with me…

Then, at that moment…

Ringo Tsukimiya: Oh dear, oh dear!! Everybody, come see this!! Look at the TV!!

Tsukimiya-sensei comes running towards us, holding a small television.

Hyuga-sensei comes walking up slowly behind him, wearing a resigned expression.

Syo Kurusu: What is it now?

Ryuya Hyuga: Well, just now, on the news…

Announcer: … the party responsible for New York's Statue of Liberty's sudden disappearance is currently unknown…

Surprised by the words coming from the television, I glance over to see that, true enough, the Statue of Liberty has vanished from the New York City skyline.

Syo Kurusu: Huh?! No way, does that mean Shining Saotome actually…?

Dammit! Guess I've got no choice…

Select The Phrase!

どうするの What are you going to do? (0 Love, +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Whaddaya mean, what am I gonna do? There's only one thing to do now!

Haruka Nanami: You mean, you're going to…?

Syo Kurusu: Yep. I've gotta go get Natsuki.

四ノ宮さんを呼ぶ？Will you call Shinomiya-san? (20 Love, +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Nah, I'll go find him.

Haruka Nanami: Why? If you call him here and then take his glasses, you'll reach the goal in no time…

Syo Kurusu: If I do that, it'll put you in too much danger. There's no way I'm gonna let that happen.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun…

Syo Kurusu: For now, you wait here. I'll be back before you know it, all right?

四ノ宮さんの所へ行く？Will you go to Shinomiya-san? (10 Love, +0 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Yep, I'm gonna go find him.

Haruka Nanami: Um… be careful… okay?

Syo Kurusu: Don't make that face. I'll be fine!

Syo-kun pets my hair gently.

Hyuga Ryuya: Hold up. If you're gonna do it, take this with you.

Syo Kurusu: What's this?

Hyuga Ryuya: A miniature camera. It's connected to the TV monitor here, so we'll be able to see how you're doing.

Hyuga Ryuya: You're about to steal Shinomiya's glasses. We need to keep an eye on you so we can evacuate the rest of the school if things go south.

Syo Kurusu: Ah, gotcha…

And so, Syo-kun went to find Shinomiya-san.

Syo Kurusu: So… um…

Natsuki Shinomiya: … Hm? What's wrong, Syo-chan? You look like you're unhappy about something.

Syo Kurusu: Nah, I just… uh… well. I need your glasses…?

Natsuki Shinomiya: My… glasses?

Syo Kurusu: So, uh… yeah…

Syo-kun… seems unable to get the words out. I guess he really is a little scared after all…

Natsuki Shinomiya: Ah! Syo-kun, have you been wanting to try on my glasses? You should have said something earlier! Of course, here you go.

Shinomiya-san casually plucks his glasses off, handing them to Syo-kun.

But… Shinomiya-san's expression stays the same as always.

Syo Kurusu: H-huh? No way, everything's alright?

For a split second, we all think so.

RUUUUUMBLE.

Then Shinomiya-kun's aura darkens, and he rushes at Syo-kun.

Syo Kurusu: I knew it, OH CRAAAP!

Syo-kun runs for his life, shouting desperately.

Syo-kun emerges from a cloud of dust, running towards us.

And Shinomiya-san follows, chasing after him.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kuuun! The goal's over heeere!

I wave, moving my arms as much as I can.

Syo Kurusu: Dammit! All I gotta do now is get away!!

Haruka Nanami: You're so clooose!

For a moment, I think that he's sure to win if he keeps up this pace, but then…

VOOOOOOM!

There's a monstrous roaring sound, and the principal appears, pulling the Statue of Liberty behind him.

Syo Kurusu: Huh?! Don't tell me he's back already?

Shining Saotome: Ha ha ha~~

Syo Kurusu: And there are American helicopters coming after him!!

He's right… The principal is being pursued by the best and brightest of the United States' military forces.

I'm guessing they're here to take back the Statue of Liberty…

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

The helicopter pilot has the principal in his sights and starts shooting wildly.

Shining Saotome: Ha ha HAA~~!! Go on, hit me with your best shot. Missed meeee.

The principal, in a display of superhuman agility, dodges all the bullets flying towards him, but…

Syo-kun, who's on the same track, is coming into the line of fire.

Luckily, the bullets have only grazed him thus far, but one of them could strike true at any moment.

Syo Kurusu: Now hang on just a second… what the heck is this?! What have I dooooone?

Syo-kun is becoming increasingly panicked, but continues to run with all his might towards the finish line.

Shinomiya-san is just a step behind him, and then…

Satsuki Shinomiya: Hah!!

… he suddenly leaps into the air.

Syo Kurusu: Gah!!

Satsuki Shinomiya: Haaaaa—!!

The next instant, still in midair, he crushes the state-of-the-art helicopter with a single knifehand strike.

The pilot evacuates in the nick of time, but the helicopter is blown to smithereens.

Syo Kurusu: What kind of monster is he?!

Satsuki Shinomiya: Hah!!

The second he touches the ground, Shinomiya-san's focus returns to Syo-kun, and he continues chasing after him at incredible speed.

Syo Kurusu: Aaaaaaaaah!!! Stay awaaay!!!

Shining Saotome: Ha ha HAA~ Victory for ME!

At that moment, the principal reaches the goal.

Syo Kurusu: Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!

However, Syo-kun doesn't seem bothered by losing the competition at this particular moment.

Syo-kun and Shinomiya-kun are about to run right past the principal, when—

Glint!

Shinomiya-kun locks eyes with the principal, glaring in his direction.

Is it possible that the target of his ire has become the principal instead of Syo-kun?

Shining Saotome: Ho-ho~~ Have you decided to pick a fight with ME?

The principal smirks.

And then, in the next instant, a clash of titans begins!

Their power is equally matched. Raw force twists the air between them.

Enormous amounts of energy pour out of them both, wrapping around one another like a hurricane.

Haruka Nanami: Ah…!!

The force breaks over me, threatening to drag me under. I feel like I'm about to be blown off my feet.

Syo Kurusu: Hey! Grab my haaand!!

Syo-kun reaches for me, pulling me back towards him.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun… Shinomiya-san's glasses, quick—!

Just as we turn to look at the principal and Shinomiya-san, the former manages to pin the latter.

Shining Saotome: Nowww, Mr. Shorty. Return the glasses!! Before the world is reduced to a sea of flaaame!!!

Bracing himself, Syo-kun draws closer to Shinomiya-san and puts his glasses back on.

And then…

Natsuki Shinomiya: Huh? Syo-chan? Are you done with my glasses already?

Shinomiya-san, suddenly back to normal, asks Syo-kun this question light-heartedly.

Syo-kun, relieved, collapses on the spot.

Syo Kurusu: Geez… I can't believe you…!

Natsuki Shinomiya: Hm? What is it?

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa. Well, that settles that.

The next day…

Syo Kurusu: That's weird… there's nothing written about it at all.

… I find Syo-kun in our classroom, looking through the newspaper.

Haruka Nanami: What's wrong?

Syo Kurusu: Oh, you know, all that stuff yesterday. I thought for sure there'd be something in the newspaper about the Statue of Liberty disappearing out of nowhere…

But they haven't mentioned it anywhere.

The next moment, a floorboard flips upward, revealing… the principal.

Shining Saotome: Behold, the political power of Shining Agencyyy.

And with that, the principal disappears beneath the floor once again.

Syo Kurusu: Political power…! Geez, what a ridiculous guy.

Syo-kun smiles as he says that, looking like he's enjoying himself.

Haruka Nanami: Come to think of it… In the end, the principal was able to pin Shinomiya-san down long enough for Syo-kun to put his glasses on him again.

School is over.

I'm talking to Kuppuru about yesterday while feeding him some melon bread.

Kuppuru listens attentively while enjoying his snack.

Haruka Nanami: You know…

Select the Phrase!

学園長先生ってすごいよね。… the principal really is amazing. (+0 Love, +10 Music)

Haruka Nanami: I guess that's what it means to be a living legend in the entertainment industry.

It seems like there's really nothing our principal can't do.

翔くんってすごいよね。… Syo-kun really is amazing. (20 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: No matter how bad a situation gets, he never, ever gives up.

Haruka Nanami: Even when a situation's so dangerous that slipping up even once might kill him, he finds a way to pull through. He's… incredible, really.

Haruka Nanami: He's a wonderful partner…

四ノ宮さんってすごいよね。… Shinomiya-san really is amazing. (+0 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: He's usually so gentle… Where on earth does all that power come from…?

Haruka Nanami: He's a pretty mysterious person.

Haruka Nanami: But you know… Syo-kun looked pretty worn out today. He seemed a bit pale…

He was mostly okay in the morning, but he seemed exhausted by the afternoon, so I forced him to skip our practice today.

Haruka Nanami: I think he overdid it yesterday and tired himself out…

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun's really competitive and always tries so hard that it's easy to imagine him pushing his limits. It's a bit worrying…

Haruka Nanami: Come to think of it, didn't Kaoru-kun ask Syo-kun if he was healthy when he came to visit during summer vacation?

Haruka Nanami: I wonder if he's worked himself to the point of collapsing before, or something…

Just the thought of something like that happening to Syo-kun makes me anxious.

Kuppuru: Meow.

Kuppuru peers worriedly at my face.

Haruka Nanami: I-I'm fine. I just got a little worried. I'm sure Syo-kun is absolutely fine…

Haruka Nanami: Besides, I'm going to work hard, too. I want to help as much as I can to support Syo-kun.

We're partners, so we need to support and help each other.

Haruka Nanami: So we're going to be fine.

That's what I said at the time, but I couldn’t shake the seed of unease that had started growing deep in my heart.

Mini Game

Ryuya Hyuga: All right, time to get started! How're ya doing? Have you gotten used to these private lessons?

Ryuya Hyuga: This time, you'll be playing through the set piece once. By playing the song, you seem to have reached a new level of understanding about it.

Ryuya Hyuga: Plus, your arrangement is shaping up nicely. If you keep this up, you'll be able to do well when you're composing your own pieces.

Ryuya Hyuga: This is the last of the tests based on the set piece. Promise yourself you'll put everything you've got into this performance, relax, and play.

Ryuya Hyuga: Okay. Are you ready? Three two, one, start!

S Rank

Syo Kurusu: Because you're always doing your best, I know I can do my best, too. When I'm with you I can fight with all my might.

Haruka Nanami: Me too… Because you're here with me, Syo-kun, I'm able to try my best. I got discouraged so many times when I was on my own…

I start to feel sad when I'm reminded a little bit of my loneliness from the summer. Syo-kun pats me on the head.

Haruka Nanami: Thank you. But I'm okay now. I'm not alone anymore.

Syo-kun is always at my side. Having him nearby is so reassuring.

Ahh, I really did end up with an amazing partner… I'm so happy.

Chapter End

[xylatox]

harvest of purity — a sunghoon fic I absolutely waited too long to read, but I'm so looking forward to it. Ngl, the religious themes content advisory and the southern gothic vibes were my inclinations to read this piece.

Already enraptured by the opening paragraph.

The day you were born, your father knew there was something greatly wrong with you. He claimed that on the day you ripped your mother open, screaming and crying, that God spoke to him for the first time. He called it divine intervention. Believing the birth of your soul was a red-herring of all that was set to come but God would show him the light, the truth: that you were nothing short of evil and needed saving.  — God, I know I'm already going to love this entire piece, I love religious themes like this being present. I love how it already seems that reader's birth is tied with everything bad happening at home when sometimes life just gets shitty all at once, and I know, from the first interaction with the dad, reader is already seen as inherently evil. And I love that reader is technically a preachers!daughter too, making me even more obsessed.

The while sacrificial lamb scene???? obsessed. I always love when characters deem animal sacrifices still viable, especially in modern context where it technically is no longer needed but ugh, obsessed.

At the end of the line is a man more beautiful than the ones you’ve seen in the movies. You feel stuck in time, left with parted lips, staring at the man before you. And far too intently for your character. He stands tall, sharp, pale, and elegant. What is a boy like this doing here? He averts his eyes from you, clearly uncomfortable by what’s before him. He looks uneasy, shifting his weight foot to foot with his hands behind his back. His pretty eyes glance around from you to your mother to the other men and the ground. He simply doesn’t know what to do with himself. You find it dangerously darling of him.  — the first glimpses of Sunghoon!!

I'm obsessed with how the relationship between reader and Sunghoon almost feels like one akin to a wolf and lamb?? like —Although you’re wearing the lamb, having Sunghoon’s hand in yours made you feel like a wolf.  — obsessed what the hell.

Either way he can feel his faith slipping; he is cupping holy water in hands during an earthquake. — I absolutely love this

I also love the incorporation of how some churches operate where they grow you up thinking any kind of interaction with someone of the opposite sex was sinful. — How the way his name leaves your lips makes him want to crumble like a burning church. And how he silently likes the fact he can’t control the way his body is reacting to your hands on him. — im obsessed with all the church comparisons.

There are other times where you confuse him. You suggest a water break knowing he’d gone hours without hydration under the summer heat. You insist on having him take a break under a roof away from the sun when his skin gets too sweaty or red. Which is followed by a reminder that sunscreen is important if he wishes to keep his milky complexion. It’s critical statements that you provide him, but he can’t help to think it’s a weird way of showing you care. — aside from her odd personality (as a result of heavy trauma, religious and otherwise) reader is oddly adorable 😭

“Pardon? What do you mean by that?” Sunghoon, bemused, watches the man smoke and laugh between weak coughs. “She has a dad?” His last question is overroad by the man who speaks over him. — LMFAO😭😭😭😭😭😭 not Sunghoon assuming she's fatherless (valid), this is hilarious to me.

It's so cute Sunghoon got her flowers😭 but poor baby is so innocent ahh, like assuming you're her boyfriend???

The rain pours harder outside with whips of harsh winds smacking the window. It’s almost like God’s wrath is screaming to be seen, to shout that He is watching.  — this has to be some universal thing that kids who grew up Christian did. Like I always assumed heavy rainfall was God being angry or crying.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a week now,” he admits with a small laugh. “Not exactly there but that’s fine. I wish you would let me help you feel good too.” he whispers, looking back to the windowsill where the gifted flowers stood in their vase with the raging storm as their backdrop. — this is, oddly so fucking sweet even if he's currently inside her lmfao

The entire moment with them in the town, Sunghoon thinking it's a date, so cute. I love how much of reader's personality shines through because of him.

“I’ve got good muscles, remember? Good for farm work,” he’s patient and calm with you while his eyes watch the man from outside the glass cafe windows. “Come on, baby.”— the pet name,I'm gonna throw up

I love how we see the extent of the religious trauma and abuse reader faced and how it really affected almost every aspect of her life and through Sunghoon, we see bits and pieces of a girl who was once there before life tarnished her.

Confused and wide eyed, you watch him lean into your face. You gasp when his lips meet yours before returning the notion. With eyes closed, you melt into his kiss. It’s sweet as all the things you’ve experienced today because of him. — THEY. ARE. SO. CUTE😭

HELKO??????? SUNGHOON SHOOTS THE DAD???, OMG I THOUGGT READER WAS GONNA DIE FRFR???

This was absolutely amazing omg. It truly did not disappoint. Like I am obsessed.

harvest of purity — sunghoon [ 박성훈 ]

pairing ⦂ sunghoon ⨯ fem. reader

synopsis ⦂ au in which an innocent, shy, and faithful sunghoon takes a summer job as a farmhand. he’s never indulged on his desires until the farmer’s daughter shows him a taste of sin. although riddled with guilt, he cannot deny or escape the new rousing feelings that impurify him. especially when she's set on ruining him every chance she gets.

genre ⦂ smut, slow burn romance, strangers to lovers word count ⦂ 29k tags ⦂ fluff and angst, repressed desires, innocence loss, guilt and shame, exploring relationships, falling in love, southern gothic vibes, summer au, clingy down bad sunghoon, ‘mean’ morally gray reader, both are weirdo loser freaks content advisory ⦂ mdni ! dark-ish content ⚠︎ sexually explicit content in four scenes: handjob, oral (m. rec.), dry humping, thigh fucking, unprotected sex, virginity loss, corruption!kink, degradation!kink, praise!kink, switch!hoon, he whines whimpers and cries; religious themes, concepts, corruption, and criticism; manipulation, animal death, blood, intense scenes, abusive parenting, gun mention and use

note ⦂ poured my heart out. i hope you love it as much as i do. dedicated to my other evil, off-putting, and/or weird girls┊reblogs and feedback encouraged ⇀ playlist ⸝⸝ masterlist 🌾

　You’re not sure what life in your small town was like before you were born. You can imagine it’s not too different from what it is now though. The thing about old country towns is they never seem to change. Open fields and miles of farmland. Two gas stations, one grocery store, a few family owned vegetable stands or in-home produce product shops. Only one notable neighborhood where the majority of the townspeople lived if not hidden somewhere else in the countryside. And too many churches to keep track of if the abandoned ones were included in the count. 

You like to think your parents were happy before you too. Hopeful and optimistic when offered to take over your uncle’s farm. Excited for the next step in their relationship after their marriage. They were the ideal family dream coming to life: high school lovers, engaged after graduation, married, a career handed to them through family with a large property of land and lovely farmhouse. All that was left was to grow that family. To have children to not only help tend the fields and animals but run around barefoot, all smiles, and wide eyed. 

You were positive that it was something they wanted. 

But life couldn’t have been that easy for them; it would’ve been too gratuitous of a blessing.

The day you were born, your father knew there was something greatly wrong with you. He claimed that on the day you ripped your mother open, screaming and crying, that God spoke to him for the first time. He called it divine intervention. Believing the birth of your soul was a red-herring of all that was set to come but God would show him the light, the truth: that you were nothing short of evil and needed saving. 

That year on the farm there was nothing but death. It only furthered your father’s harsh thinking of you. The crops and produce either died or rotted before it had the chance to grow or ripe. The animals were dropping dead from unknown illnesses. Every female livestock that gave birth passed in doing so. Barely any profits were made that year. Taxes were rising and so were the prices of nearly everything. It was a huge toll for your family, especially when raising their first child. Before you were even conscious of the situation everything was already deemed your fault. 

Through the harrowing struggle, your father’s optimism turned to resentment. He claimed that bringing you to the farm was not like bringing a daughter home, but a corrosive parasite. He believed that you were the reason for the life being sucked away from their perfect farm life. So, he turned to the only thing that he could trust to save the family from your curse: God. Begging and pleading through prayers every morning and night to the sky for a better season. 

He studied religion here and there before taking over his brother-in-law's farm but with the farm failing for the first time, he took a change of career paths. He was already well known among the locals, close with the church goers in the community. And somewhere along the way, he managed to start preaching himself. Nearly every christian in your town moved churches to follow where he went. Like sheep to a shepherd. 

If only they knew what you did, what he was truly like behind the closed doors of your home. How his devotion was turning to violence. Day by day, becoming uglier. 

While your father busied himself with his new found family, often away from home on the farm, the crops and animals began to thrive again. Slowly but surely, growing and regaining health. He would say it’s God’s doing, a small taste of His salvation. 

Your early years were mostly troubled by the relationship of your parents. Too young to fully understand their disputes, drawing at the kitchen table with their yelling sounding the house. It was always about you, that much you knew. Because you watch and you listen. Quick to learn that they tried for another child but never had any success. They wanted someone else to be their baby. Something that felt more like a blessing than you. Your father constantly spitting in your mother’s face that you were the rot to the fruit of her womb. And then he would always end up leaving by slamming the door and your mother would always join you at the table with tears and a bottle of wine. You always just watched, listening in silence. Perhaps just born resilient.

Growing up was different for you compared to most of the kids in your town. You never had the opportunity to make many friends being homeschooled. The only time that was spent around others your age was kindergarten. Kindergarten was short lived because of your behavior; the teachers at school were concerned about you. How you were mean, rough, and sinister with your actions towards others. Picking on the kids you were simply interested in because of how different from you they were. Drawing pictures of gutted cattle or dead, half developed baby chicks still in their shell and giving them as gifts to the teachers. Sharing to classmates the cruelty of farm life and why it was pretty with a smile. 

Your father loved to find out about this, you could see it in his eyes. The way they were wicked and screamed I told you so to your mother. You didn’t understand why it was bad or caused trouble. You were only having fun for the first time. The way the kids ran away crying or the teachers wore faces of shocked horror, it made your insides light up in joy. A new feeling—a sense of excitement. You didn’t know it was sick. And of course, it was taken from you. You were removed from school and your mother became your teacher. Your classmates became stuffed animals and the real ones in the barns. It was hard for you to find that joy you briefly felt with others. 

Sometimes you had a glimpse of it again when your father would punish you. But even that you grew sick of. The mess, the stench of it all. Sticky and red, worse in the heat of summer. He drilled the sick moto for his actions into your head, “I know no punishment, only mercy.”

Father took you both to church more often after that. He had a false image to uphold afterall, one of a happy, God loving family. In his ego he had to prove that his preaching and prayers could fix you, save you. But that was only admitted at home, loud and scary to your mother. Your poor mother, weak and defensive of you, eventually waved her white flag. You wished she kept fighting for you and that she wouldn’t begin to see you the way your father did. 

Childhood and adolescence was a string of questions about yourself. Never quite finding out what made you so bad to be seen as devilish when all you thought of yourself was curious. Perhaps just unlucky to be correlated with negative happenings on and off the farm, always gone without a chance of understanding. Despite it all, you knew well enough the way your parents talked and looked at you was without unconditional love. 

On your 17th birthday, the family dynamic made the biggest shift to be experienced. 

At this age, you had such a strong sense of independence and with the lack of parental guidance and monitoring, you would leave town when you could. Ride your bike down the long road to the bus stop at the center of town and take the bus into the city over. Your mother was generous with allowance and you saved your money well, only spending it on books or trips to the movie theater. A form of escape that allowed you to learn more about the world and all the things your parents tried to keep hidden from you. A way to learn how to be human. 

So when your father was tearing your room apart in search of the same gift he re-gifts you every year, he found some things that made his stomach churn. Every year for your birthday he rewrapped the same, first ever, bible he’d given you. Funny enough that he gave you anything at all considering he never even referred to it as your day, only his day of revelation. And to his disgust, on his sacred day, he found books and journals of explicitly detailed copulation and debauchery. 

He almost fainted. Stumbling over his own feet, hands shaking as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the words on the pages. That was the only time you smiled on that day. Just for a second. And then a glimpse of hell broke loose. 

In a rage, he destroyed everything. Your mother stood next to you in tears, telling him to stop and stop. Her hands covered her face but she saw everything through her fingers. You only watched in silence, hands balled in fists by your side. A silent hatred and anger coursed in you. He called you names that no man of God should, especially to his own daughter. 

“You’re a disgraceful deviant of Satan! I should’ve known. My own day of revelation is a curse!” You watched him rip pages apart, his voice booming through the house. “Years spent praying for you and this is how you turn out?! Succumbing to nothing but a dreaming whore?!”

A part of you liked his mean words. It was so rare for him to use such colorful language. 

You knew what would come next. He was going to have you ‘cleansed’. Something he always did when he discovered something new and sacrilegious of you. 

But it didn’t come. Because there was no dying, old sheep on the farm at the time. He did make a promise to not forget though. A promise to have you washed in sacrificial, blessed blood on a day you least expected. 

Your father left after that, leaving you and your mother behind. He moved to the city to continue his preaching at a larger church. He became known as the closest reverend to God for miles and miles. Lost in his ways, he only made visits when he needed to sort things out for the business of the farm.

You were content with his departure, yet couldn’t quite understand why your mother missed him. As far as you’ve seen, he was never kind towards either of you. 

　But now, it’s several years later. And although you’re free of your father’s heavy presence and homilies, he still makes his trips to the farm. You can feel the air change whenever he does, as if you’ve gained a sixth sense for his coming. Naturally intuitive to things having spent your childhood walking on eggshells in your own home. 

And today, the air feels particularly chill for summer. The breeze sweeps in through your open window. The forecast called for nothing but sunshine all week, yet there’s an angry, dark cloud hanging over your farm. A foreboding feeling shivers through you, and you know he’s going to fulfill his promise today. You sigh and slide out of bed. “Let’s get this over with.”

You spend the morning doing your usual routine. Brushing teeth, washing your face, then dressing in farm work attire. Your breakfast consists of tea and your mothers homemade strawberry scone. Next is tending to the animals. Your mother usually takes care of the crops and gardening. It’s a quiet and early morning, as most are. The both of you keep to yourselves, just doing what needs to be done day by day. 

The sound of a car is heard coming down to the long dirt road and you know who it is by the sound. It’s a fancier vehicle than the one he left this property with years ago. A meaner part of you likes to think his greedy hands got into that mega church’s donations but you’re too self aware of the successful farm your family owns. 

Your father parks in front of the house and your mother is quick to rush over to him, presumably with many questions: How have you been? Are you hungry? Thirsty? What brings you here so early in the month? 

You roll your eyes at her desperation to cling onto the relationship that clearly ended when you were a child. 

You place a hand on your hip, leaning your weight to the side that isn’t carrying the heavy bucket of chicken feed. Walking away from the coops and back towards the shed by the house, you make eye contact with your father despite only taking a glance. 

He watches you with narrow eyes from the lowered window of the car he’s still sitting in, very much not listening to a word your mother is saying. 

He calls your name before you can open the shed. Spinning on the heels of your boots, you turn around with raised brows of questioning. 

He mouths the words sacrificial tree as he exits the car. Your mother sees this. She wears pained disappointment as she scurries away. Presumably to the barn where the sheeps and lambs are kept. She might as well be a sheep too, you think. 

The bucket slips from your fingers and drops to the patchy dirt grass by your feet with a thud, spilling over in a mess that will be cleaned later. 

You don’t bother giving him a nod of understanding. You just turn around and begin your walk to the tree line where the man made path is. Knowing it would take some time for his preparations, you walk to the lake that’s hidden behind the farmland. 

It’s a brief walk through your familiar woods. Once at the short wooden dock, you sit down at the end, taking in the gloomy summer scenery. A light fog hugs over the water. You bring your knees to your chest, in your sitting position, and hug yourself the same way. 

This is your favorite place out of all the land your family owns. It’s serene, mostly. Always quiet. You’re the only one who comes here. And it’s nice to swim with when the weather warrants it. There’s a feeling here that’s hard to feel anywhere else you find yourself. Sometimes you imagine what it would be like with someone else, but you doubt it would be as nice. Trouble has a way of following you, it seems. You frown at the thought. 

It’s silent like this for a few minutes, just you trying to find a sense of calmness before the impending chastisement. Then you hear some rustling of leaves, heavy footsteps following. You don’t turn around yet, you only wait for the call of your name. Your time of tranquility is too brief. You sigh before giving yourself a squeezing hug. 

“It’s time,” the reverend calls out loudly, “quickly now, we have new farmhands arriving soon.” The sound of his feet walking away is when you stand. You wave a goodbye to the foggy lake before parting ways. Your feet move unconsciously, taking to where your body knows to go. 

Leaves crinkle underneath your boots and twigs snap. The trees’ branches sway in the gentle morning breezes that pass. 

In the mix of the small forest, man made crosses of sticks or plywood are spaciously scattered. Like a graveyard to all your bad doings. Most small but one large. Old rotted wood that stands crooked and begging to fall over right next to the largest, strongest tree. Your eyes, that are trained to ground, move upwards the cross and then to the tree. Your father stands there with a large knife in hand. Your mother waits cautiously not too far away. Her demeanor is frightful as if this is the first time. Coward.

An old sheep hangs by its hind legs from a sturdy tree branch. Unmoving and defenseless. Big beady, dumb eyes look in all directions but you. You think it must feel the same guilt as yourself, sorry that its life purpose is to embarrass you, make you hate what you are. 

“God told me to make a sacrifice to prove my faith. He guides my hand in washing your soul clean of sin. So here I am with our blessed, dying lamb.” He’s said this every time. His voice is always miserably rehearsed and preacher-esque. 

You thought long ago that this was their, the lambs, only use on the farm. It’s a shame. All that devotion has made him so ugly and violent. 

You make small steps closer to the lamb. It’s whining in bleat baas and mehs. Does it know what’s happening? Is it scared? You like the lambs, sheeps. Pure white, soft, and docile. They never fight back. They just take it. I doubt they need restraints. You could hold them above me just the same and they’d never resist. 

“Move faster, for the love of God. Yeah, stand right there underneath like you know how to.” He instructs you, annoyed. His patience running thin as the distant sounds of a truck makes way down the dirt road to the farm property. 

“Okay…” You don’t fight him, with arms crossed behind your back and a hand squeezing around your own wrist, you move closer. Maybe you’re a lamb too. 

Maybe all your father really was is the executioner. 

He raises the knife as he begins to speak, it slides over its cotton, white throat but does not cut, “Revelation 7:13-17 Then he told me, ‘These are those who come from the great tribulation, and they’ve washed their robes, scrubbed them clean in the blood of the Lamb. That’s why they’re standing before God’s Throne. They serve him day and night in his Temple. The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat. The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.’” He slits its throat in a quick, harsh movement. The blood spills just as fast, squirting spurts of red before it comes pouring down onto you. “Face up,” you obey even though it brings you rage, “it ought to cleanse those unholy thoughts I know that are still in there.” 

Head raised to the sky with eyes and mouth squeezed shut, you let it consume you. Warm, thick and wet washes down from your head onto your clothes then down to your feet. The smell of animal, metallic iron covers you. It’s sticking to your hair, eyebrows and lashes. You can already feel your clothes clinging to your skin in the dirtiest ways. 

You stand there, drenching in the its blood. Your father speaks again, firm and slow, “Say it with me now, ‘I know no punishment, only mercy.’” All you feel is the animal’s rain of life flooding you.

You open your mouth to speak but are quick to spit and cough out the blood that manages to get into your mouth. Smack. 

“I don’t have time for this,” his voice sounds like an echo, your head is ringing from the harsh swing of his hand. The skin of your cheek stings. He hits like a bitch, you think. “Say it with me now, dammit!” You can feel him wipe his bloodied hand on the side of your shirt. 

You step back from under the red shower. “I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your words align with his in the perfect paced harmony you’re trained to do so. Enunciated, slow and strong, through gritted teeth.

There’s a beat of silence before the sound of your parents footsteps walking away. 

Standing there in red, yet to open your eyes, you breathe out a shaky sigh of defeat. It sounds more like a growl. With the mostly clean hands you kept safely behind you, you bring them up to wipe the blood from your face. You don’t dare to look at the dead animal in front of you. Being covered in it is enough alone to make you feel sick. 

You think of going back to the lake, jumping in and letting the blood wash off you there, but knowing you’d either walk back with further drenched clothes or naked didn’t seem like options you wanted to deal with either. So you just head back to the house. It’s a slower walk than need be, but you just felt like avoiding the eyes of the newcomers, hoping they’d be off in the fields or in a barn by the time you walk through. You feel numb. 

You’re wrong though, by the time you’re passing the barns and coops, the group of new farmhands are already lined up outside the horses’ stable. Your mother is talking to them, although not all are paying attention. Only a few pairs of wide eyes follow you. Catching the sight of you must really shock them but you can’t blame them. Something about this makes you excited. You stop in your tracks and look around to see if your father’s car is gone. It is. The realization feels like a wave of relief and it suddenly feels brighter outside already. 

You take a glance down to your disheveled appearance. Shirt, pants, and boots painted like the barns. You look back to the group, brushing the soiled hair back from your face. Some pieces stay stuck, in the early stages of drying against your skin.

It’s safe to have a little fun. 

You begin a slow walk over to the group. You take a headcount and there’s five of them. Two younger men, closer to your age. The other three look a bit older, not by much but definitely older. Your mother is yet to turn around from whatever rundown she’s giving them. Too dense to even recognize that now none of them were paying any attention to her. 

You creep up beside her and open with, “Hello,” your voice is louder than even you’ve heard it be in a long time. It’s nice to be heard, noticed. You usually avoided the farmhands, but this summer was going to be different. You decided this on the walk over. 

Being cooped up on the farm for so long made you different, it’s obvious to anybody. Not properly socialized in your developmental years caused you to be an anomaly to the ones who did come across you. Enigmatic from far away and up close. Now isn’t the greatest example though, the situation is too clear as to why. 

Your mother turns to you, gasping and jumping back slightly in the shock of your gross state and sudden introduction. “My goodness, girl, whatta ya doin’ here like this?” Her voice is hushed, clearly unsettled with the situation. 

They all just stare at you, open mouthed and bewildered. You take the time to get a good look at each of them up close. Your eyes follow their faces individually down the line. And then they stop. 

At the end of the line is a man more beautiful than the ones you’ve seen in the movies. You feel stuck in time, left with parted lips, staring at the man before you. And far too intently for your character. He stands tall, sharp, pale, and elegant. What is a boy like this doing here? He averts his eyes from you, clearly uncomfortable by what’s before him. He looks uneasy, shifting his weight foot to foot with his hands behind his back. His pretty eyes glance around from you to your mother to the other men and the ground. He simply doesn’t know what to do with himself. You find it dangerously darling of him. 

You don’t even realize the small smile that takes your lips. You step closer to him and he steps back, now looking at you with wide eyes of small fear. You extend your hand to him, it’s coated in drying blood. He gulps and the sight, his adam’s apple bobbing in such a biteable neck stirs something in you. This will be far more fun than you intended. 

You say your name softly for introduction and step a little closer, “Nice to meet you," you feign cuteness as much as you can, looking up at him through your blood clumped lashes. It’s clear to everyone there is something off; there’s little to no real emotion behind your voice and face. 

Your mother eyes you suspiciously as you corner the handsome man, but she says nothing. Sometimes she fears you too. 

He looks from your eyes to your hand, having an internal battle with himself on what to do, “Ah, I am Sunghoon... Nice to meet you too.” His politeness must be stronger than his frighteness, because he takes his hand in yours and shakes it gently. His hand is large in yours, nearly covering it entirely. You squeeze it hard, your eyes never leaving his, trapping him in the scene. 

He wants to look away, to hide somewhere. The way his skin crawls tells him he’s a prey already in the mouth of a predator. And you know he’s nervous under your intense gaze because your hand feels like a lamb is still bleeding above you. His palms are sweating, and it’s nowhere near hot enough for that yet. Your smile grows to a smirk. 

Although you’re wearing the lamb, having Sunghoon’s hand in yours made you feel like a wolf. 

　Sunghoon’s first day of his summer job starts off duller than he imagined. The sun isn’t out this morning and it only intensifies his anxiousness, as if the grey skies reflect his inner emotions. He’s already new to the area, away from home and staying in an apartment not far from his college in the city. A private, christian school that he studied hard to get into with his friend. He wishes his best friend and roommate, Jake, was joining him in this job, but Jake already had plans to teach at a summer soccer camp for kids through their school. 

He found this opportunity through the college church they attend together. A reverend from another church in the city came to visit one Sunday, handing out flyers to the young men in hopes of finding farm help. The pay is good and the bus fairs to the small town over where the farm’s located is covered. He’s never done work like it before, nevertheless was he going to let a simple offer pass him up. 

Things are going smoothly to start, being told how to care for, clean, and feed the animals to crop preservation. Everyone would have their own specific roles on the farm. Sunghoon was assigned the easier of the tasks, either feeding animals or watering and fertilizing the vegetables and fruits crops. He learns there are already regular farm workers that would come throughout the week to collect produce, material, and use the machinery for the more laborious work. And if she wasn't around when needed then they could ask any of the regular employees for assistance or find her at the house. 

As the farm owner is about to give details on the horses’ maintenance, a girl saunters in. And the anxious feelings become of Sunghoon all over again. His eyes are wide, taking in her appearance. The smell of the farm dissipates and putrid copper takes over. The worst part is how calm she appears, and the fact that she’s unbothered with all that she wears. 

He thinks his brain short circuits, everything seeming muffled and unreal. He doesn’t even realize he introduced himself or touched her. It all was too quick and unfamiliar for him to grasp. 

He watches as she walks away, back to the house that sits slightly over the hills and valleys of the property. His expression is blank, blinking slowly at the strange girl then down to his hand that’s stained red too. 

“Don’t pay her no mind,” the woman speaks up, she sounds as if she’s warning them. “Just get yer work done and when everyone’s finished y’all can head back home. I won’t ask too much of ya in yer first month here, alright? That might be a different story later.” She tries to end the statements in humor with her forced laugh. 

Sunghoon nods but his eyes don’t leave his dirty hand. The other men nod along too and give their ‘yes, ma’ams’ in return. 

The woman continues walking them around the farm, listing rules and guidelines they must follow, along with advice and tips for the work they’ll be doing. 

The day flows as easy as it can for Sunghoon. He doesn’t talk much with the other farmhands. He also doesn’t know them well enough to be comfortable in their conversations, so he just exists in awkward silence, sometimes reacting. While they can joke around and find fun in the work, his mind keeps wandering off to the girl from earlier, to you. How your empty eyes held onto his and small hand even tighter. He thinks the palm of his hand still burns from the interaction. 

Around the afternoon time, Sunghoon and the guys are sitting around a picnic table near the house. The sun is beating down on them all now while they chug down water and eat their lunch. The owner was kind enough to provide their refreshments and meals. They were all thankful. 

She adds that there’s a small lodge up the dirt road. It’s a little old but homey and has space with two spare bedrooms if they need to wash up or rest at any time. It was originally built for the farm workers that worked late and needed a place to stay if need be. 

Once done, the boys stand up and talk about what they have left to do. The next bus back to the city isn’t running for another two hours so they speak of taking some leisure time and exploring the farm property. Meanwhile Sunghoon is still sitting, watching them huddled in conversation. He wipes some sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand as they begin walking towards the fields.

Sunghoon, taking what the farm owner had mentioned previously, decides that he’d like to stay inside to get away from the beating sun for a while. So he gathers his trash to throw away in the bin by the road near the house’s mailbox and begins his walk to the lodge. 

Once inside he takes in the rustic, outdated furniture. It’s a little dusty and the floorboards creak beneath his feet but he finds it somewhat comforting. The living space has two couches by an old stone fireplace, a center table with board games and cards, a kitchenette, and a large dining table with enough space to seat six people. 

The decor is very farmers-life-esque. From a cow print rug in the small kitchen area to the antlers mounted on the wall near the dining table. There’s scenic southern paintings hung up along with antique crosses and prints of bible verses, all adoring the faded and peeling floral wallpaper. Above the fireplace hangs a painting depicting Jesus healing a blind man. 

He walks down the only short hall in the lodge to find the two spare bedrooms the woman had mentioned along with a bathroom. He takes this time to wash his hands thoroughly and splash some cold water on his face. With his hands resting on the sink, he stares at himself in the mirror. The cold drops of water slip down his face, jaw, and back into the sink. 

In his mind he’s questioning whether or not he’s sure of this job. It’s all too different from what he knows and he can’t help but feel out of place here. With a sigh, he drops his head and watches the water slip down the sink. 

He jumps slightly at the sudden sound of the front door opening and closing, not expecting the others to join him here quite yet. No noise follows the action for a moment, not even footsteps. Then there’s the sound of a click, like the door is being locked. He straightens his posture and peaks out the bathroom door, listening for their voices or any sound other than silence. It offers nothing to him so he begins to feel tense. 

“Hello?” Sunghoon calls out skittishly, but there’s no response. His heart rate picks up a little and he starts to think the boys are trying to pull some sort of childish prank on him. He leaves the room and makes slow steps down the hallway to the main area of the lodging house. 

As he rounds the corner he doesn’t find any of the boys there though, he just sees you. His heart jumps at the realization. Sitting on the couch, in overall shorts and nothing else. Bare legs crossed and hands against the couch by your sides as you watch him peer around the corner with apprehension. You’re  just sitting there, leaning forward and waiting for him to come find you. 

Cowardly, Sunghoon makes a half turn. He presses his back against the wall of the hallway as if he could hide away or disappear into it. He even closes his eyes, thinking of a quick prayer to save him from this circumstance. 

“Are you pretending to be shy or are you really this cute?” Your voice is teasing, and he can hear the wicked smile in it without seeing. 

Feeling caught, he just sighs and slowly makes his way to the living area. He tries not to look at you, thinking you are too revealing. So he looks everywhere else and then to large windows that give view to the farm; none of the guys are in sight. Most likely somewhere goofing off. All he can see is the fields and farm buildings standing large in the distance. 

He doesn’t move and speaks softly, “I should probably go find the others-”

You speak before he can finish his attempt of an excuse, “Come sit with me.” You pat the space on the couch next to yourself. Your voice sounds welcoming but he knows there’s an undertone of mischief. 

He makes a quick glance to you and sucks in a breath at the view of your body that’s exposed from your overalls. The glimpse of the curve of your breast disappearing under the denim already makes him feel like he’s seen too much of you. And he has. He’s never seen such bare skin on a girl and he’s never been alone in a room with one either. 

“Come sit with me, now.” You’re more stern this time, demanding in a gentle way. Your hand makes small movements, soothing over the material of the couch like you’re warming the space for him. 

He visibly swallows as he makes his hesitant steps over to you. His heart is racing and with every beat there is a question of his strength. He sits down on the same sofa but not directly next to you like you want. You smirk nonetheless and turn to face him, sitting with your legs criss-cross now. 

With your elbows to your knees you hold your head in your hands, watching the side of his face. You’re again realizing how sculpted his features are. Dark thick hair on his head, eyebrows and lashes too. An array of moles sprinkle his pale face. A sharp nose that sits above pink, full lips. You wonder if he knows of his own beauty. It’s fascinating to see such a person like him in front of you. 

He’s sitting with perfect posture, not relaxing into the couch. Alert like a deer that’s waiting for too sudden of movement to pounce away. His eyes just watch the table, reading through the names of the board games that lay there as a way of distracting himself. He’s awkward. 

“Uhm… d-does your family own this farm?” he tries for small talk to break the silence. His bottom lip finds itself between his teeth as he makes one quick look over to you. Luckily your overalls sit high up or he’d have a full view of your chest. He can’t help but think of the fact and it makes him shift uncomfortably. 

“Do I make you nervous?” you question, seriously so. Brows pulled tight in a furrow with a straight face. You lean in even closer to him, watching for every change on his face. 

“Yes,” his response is honestly quick and ends with a tight lip, like he’s holding his breath. He is yet to comprehend what is happening, still in a whirlwind of thoughts of what could—will—happen. 

“Why?” Your head tilts slightly to the side, it makes him think of his roommate briefly. And man does he wish he were here to ease the tension. 

He doesn’t want to admit that he’s never been in such close proximity with a girl alone before, so he just clears his throat and remains quiet after doing so. 

Curiously, you bring a hand up with a pointed finger and brush the tip of it over the mole on the side of his nose. He jolts back at the sudden touch, his cheeks flushing a warm pink. His eyes now watch you with gentle confusion. He touches the same spot you did with a trembling hand. 

“You have a constellation on your face. So many moles… Do you have a girlfriend?” 

His face burns a little more, both from the observation and the question. He shakes his head, sitting himself further into the couch and further away from you. He can’t quite understand the situation. Are you messing with him? You seem too serious for such. Maybe you’re just weird like he initially thought. Either way he can feel his faith slipping; he is cupping holy water in hands during an earthquake. 

“Did I do somethin’ wrong? Am I not pretty?” You pout to be playful with him, acting as if his actions are offending you. He takes it literally though. 

“No!” his hands rest on his knees and he holds them hard, trying to find stability despite sitting down. “Y-you are… pretty,” his words grow quieter, like he’s sharing a secret. “I just don’t know you or why you want to talk to me.” 

“Hm.” You lean your head back against the couch. With your eyes still on his face, you speak just as quietly, “I’m still trying to figure that out too.” After some beats of muted air you speak up again, but with more presence, “You came to work here. Why?” 

“A man was handing out flyer ads at the church. I wanted a summer job.” 

Is he always this direct and boring? And church, of fucking course. You roll your eyes, pushing yourself off the back cushion and even closer to the man. Your knees touch the side of his body and his thigh. He looks like he’s trying to control his breathing, to feign lack of disturbance, but his face says everything you need to know. 

You place a hand on his thigh and his whole body stiffens at the action. Your smirk to yourself. It’s only resting there on the top of his jeans. “You act like a girl has never touched you before.” You give him a soft squeeze and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Well? Has a girl ever touched you?” 

He shakes his head quickly, “No,” he breaks, feeling overwhelmed and wrong, “and I don’t think you should be. It’s against the churches values-”

“At your age you still follow the rules?” Your hand slides lower and back up his thigh, it’s a slow and teasing motion. There’s enjoyment in how scared he’s becoming. 

Sunghoon knows that this is only going to lead him down a path he swore to God not to take. And if his parents were to know that in his first year away from home in the summer since college was locked in a lodge with a promiscuous girl he’d have it handed to him. The thought of their wrath makes him shiver all the more. 

“I just don’t want to sin.” His eyes close and he bites down onto his lip again. He no longer cares if a stranger sees him as a loser or prude. His virtue is being tested in real time, and he’s feared facing this battle many times in the night because even in his dreams he loses. 

“I’m only touching you. How is it a sin?” The tone of your voice changes, it’s soft like the hand that moves closer to in between his thighs. Your fingertips press into his clothed skin here and there, curiously feeling him up. You just try to get a reaction out of him. There’s a warm feeling in your stomach that you don’t recognize; it’s faintly familiar. 

“Your hand isn’t supposed to be… there.” He makes a strained sound, something like a low whine, as your hand ghosts over his cock. 

You look down to your movements for the first time and realize he’s sporting a half chub. You snicker quietly, cupping him in your palm. “Then why are you getting hard, Sunghoon? Do you like the way I’m touching you? I bet you’ve thought about doing this before too.” 

He makes another noise, a whimper. He can’t bring himself to open his eyes and accept what’s happening. He also can’t find it in himself to stop you, or get up and leave. This wasn’t just a struggle with evil’s temptation but his own biological nature. Something yet to be explored, something that’s been scratching at his ribcage for years to be fed. 

There’s too much he can’t admit in this moment. Starting with how he enjoys the sound of your voice, the slight accent and dialect difference he picks up. How the way his name leaves your lips makes him want to crumble like a burning church. And how he silently likes the fact he can’t control the way his body is reacting to your hands on him. 

It’s all wrong, wrong, wrong. And he is weak.

“Answer me, Sunghoon.” Your hand presses down on him, feeling the growing hardness under your palm. You give him a small squeeze, massaging over the bulge. To your surprise he feels big. Your eyebrows quirk at this and then you look back to his face. A single tear runs down his face and you find satisfaction in it. “Lying is a sin too,” you remind him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hands fist the couch cushions at his sides. He grips the material so tight that his knuckles turn pink through the pale of his skin. His chest rises and falls through slow and deep breaths. 

“You shouldn’t feel sorry for something that makes you feel good.” You palm over him a few more times, drawing out little moans and whimpers from him. He’s struggling to sit still. You can even feel him try not to push his hips back up into you; if only he would admit that he wants it. He’s practically pulsing beneath you, like there’s never been such a rush of blood to his cock in his life. You sigh dramatically and pull your hand away from him, sitting back to give him space. “That’s too bad. A good dog will always be loyal, huh?”

His eyes shoot open when he feels your hand is gone. He looks at you desperately with wet eyes, a small pout to his lips. You make him feel sick for wanting to ask why you stopped, or if he did something bad for you to take away his short-lived pleasure. 

You smirk at his expression, so pitifully beautiful with want. “Have you ever touched yourself?” you ask, placing your hand over his that hasn’t let go of the couch. It takes you back when he flips his hand around to hold onto yours, clingy and wretched. His thumb brushes over your knuckles. Repulsed, you react quickly and take your hand away from him at his impulsive intimacy. It makes him frown with a meek whimper. 

He shakes his head slowly, looking down to his lap. “I can’t.” He knows he’s not allowed to. His father was adamant through his puberty that he mustn’t succumb to his body’s natural taste for sin. He was told that sometimes the devil had a funny way of sneaking into a man’s mind. That Satan would haunt boys in their sleep to wake them up with guilt of uncontrollable lust to be like him. 

“But you like when I do it, right?” You rest your head on his shoulder and look up at him. His eyes look from your face to the thin opening of your overalls where your chest can be seen from the angle. He bites down hard and nods slowly. You coo, moving your hand back to his still hard, clothed cock. “I can make it go away if you want. You want that?” 

He’s battling all the repressed things he’s been too afraid to explore; fearful of the swing of his parents belt he felt once long ago after being caught in a misunderstanding. In spite of it, he nods again. “It hurts.. Please, help me.” His voice is so quiet. Even he doesn’t want to hear his own pathetic begging. 

Your fingers find the zipper of his jeans then you tug it down slowly as you stare at him. “You have to pull them down for me, okay? I can’t help you with just this.”

Sunghoon freezes for a second knowing he has control over being the one to take out his own cock. Yet apprehension leaves in a breath. Then he’s pulling the clothing down to his knees with frantic haste. You didn’t expect him to take everything off so fast but there’s a sense of pride in how eager you’ve made him become in such a short time. 

You weren’t sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this. His cock is as beautiful as him. Pale and raging pink, crying at the tip much like his eyes. He’s also big, bigger than you knew dicks could be. You thought they’d be ugly, gross and worm-like. But his is clean and pretty. It’s your first time seeing one in person; you wouldn’t let him know that. 

You take him bare in your hands, feeling him like a foreign object. More curious of his body than in his pleasure in the moment. His body tenses then relaxes against the couch. A shaky, breathy moan leaves his lips. His eyes flutter at the contact of skin. 

You squeeze him, making his moan weakly again. It’s heavy in your hand. Truly just a stick of warm flesh. A part of you wants to squeeze him as hard as you can just to see if it can break, but you withhold on hurting him for now. Not wanting to scare him too much in hopes of exploring him further through the summer. 

Your hand wraps around the length as much as it can, pads of fingertips brushing over every vein and curve as you slowly move your hand up and down. When your thumb circles around his tip and flicks the leaking hole, his body lurches forward with a loud cry of a moan from him. You wonder if he’ll cum in the next few seconds of simply touching him. 

“I think you’re a slut for a little pleasure, Sunghoon.” You use your palm to gather his precum, circling over the tip to smear the thick cream around. Then you drag it back down himself, wetting his cock in his own prerelease. It slides easier now, your hand. You move faster, jerking him off in lazy, inexperienced motions. Not that he would know anyways. “You gave into lust so easily, didn’t you? Must’ve wanted this for so long. Your body’s nasty, eager for it.”

In his ears, you make the nasty words sound delicious. And he wants to devour more and more, like the starved man he is. His hips snap up into your hard, sudden and rough. You wrap your free arm over his shoulders, a hand sneaking up into his hair to tug aggressively on the thick dark locks. You’re pulling his head back, forcing him to look at you. “Don’t be a whore. I’m helping you. I didn’t say fuck my hand.” 

“Ahsh- I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he whines, tears burning his eyes, “it, it f-feels good. I feel so good.” His head falls to lean against yours, face burying into your hair. His head makes little shakes as he begins to cry, telling himself no, no. 

“Shut up...” You don’t like how close he is to you. You only like doing so to tease him, but when he does it, it makes you feel a fiery anger in your chest and belly. Uncomfortable. Smothering.

Your hand works in sloppy motions. Pumping his pulsing cock to reach his orgasm. At the tip your wrist makes flicks with your thumb, working him up further and further. 

He stutters out incoherent apologies into your hair throughout his sobs of wanton, whimpering moans. Everything about his body is sensitive to the new sensations. He can’t help but move his hips up into your hand, humping the small fist that’s fucking down onto him. 

Confused by the warm, tight feeling flexing of his abdomen he whines against you, “I can’t- I can’t take it. My body feels weird now. Mmph, ‘m sorry. I don’t know what’s h-happening.” His body feels volcanic, ready to burst. 

You continue your movements, jerking his reflexing length until he’s cumming into your hand. It’s a heavy load of thick, creamy mess. His voice is too close to your ear as he moans a drawn out needy sound. Your face remains plain while you pump him until he’s milked dry. His body flinches and curls into yours through the aftershocks, clearly overstimulated and over-sensitive. His arms snake around your waist to pull you against him.  

You stare down at your hand that was earlier covered in the blood of a lamb and now the cum of a virgin. It looks like fucking snot, you realize with repulse. Without thinking you bring your hand up and lick the strange release. Your face scowls at the unknown taste so you just wipe the rest on your overalls. “You are disgusting,” you mutter. 

Sunghoon remains silent aside from his sniffles, eyes peeking through his bangs to watch what you’re doing. He still hasn’t stopped clinging to your side, as if you could save him from his first lustful sin. 

You push yourself up and off the couch, his body slightly falls to the side where he was leaning on you but he catches himself. He watches you with sad, scared eyes. You stare blankly in return then look out the window to see the group of men walking around the picnic table they ate at earlier. 

“Farmhands will be leaving soon. Clean yourself up in the bathroom.” You don’t spare him another look, you just walk to the front door, unlock it, and leave. You ignore the way he looked like a sad abandoned puppy. Something about it angered you in the same way he was being clingy. 

You walk back to your house with a slight skip to your steps. As you step through your front door, you’re about to head upstairs to your room but stop in your tracks because your mother speaks.

“Hate him all ya want,” your mothers words slur, she speaks slowly and tired-like, “but he was a good man. He used to love me… And then you came along.” You turn to the living room on your left where your mother lays on the couch, wine glass in hand and eyes heavy lidded. “I know what yer capable of. I’ve seen the things ya do on this farm, in this home.. When ya think no one is watching.. He just might be right about you.” You glare at her now. “There is something evil in ya, child. Leave that boy outta yer wickedness.” 

Her wine glass falls to the floor from her fingers and she groans, turning to her side. You stare at her for a moment before walking up to your room. 

Meanwhile Sunghoon spends his next 20 minutes in a spiral of guilt and shame. He cleans himself up in the restroom like you told him to. Then waits, watching outside the window for when the boys are gathered around the truck they drove in from the bus stop to leave in. It was hard for him to get the tears to end. He fell right into sin’s lustful trap and it made him feel so- No, it only made him feel hurt. Stupid. Bad. 

On his bus ride back into the city he prays. Sitting in back, alone with his indignity, and head bowed low so no one could see his red rimmed, glossy eyes. Time goes by so fast that he nearly misses his stop to get off. 

He ignores his roommate when he’s home. Jake, excited and curious of Sunghoon’s first day, is left cold. Sunghoon showers for longer than usual. He scrubs so harshly at his skin he turns red; unable to feel clean no matter how much he washes. He doesn’t eat dinner because he feels he doesn’t deserve to. He gets into bed earlier than most days too. He tries to sleep but the day haunts him, keeping him awake. 

He’s up all night in tears, face in his pillow with the blanket thrown over his head, trying to hide from He who watches. The begs of forgiveness seem endless. 

“Dear God,” he whimpers, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” He doesn’t sleep much that night because he can’t find it in himself to stop humping into his mattress in hopes to chase and achieve the feeling you gave him earlier. His hips rock his aching hard cock into the bed, anguished yet titillated. “Please, forgive me. Forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He continues to cry, drowning in his pillow, knowing he will do it again. 

　The next day on the farm is an early morning for everyone. Sunghoon sits quietly in the truck with the other summer volunteer farmharms. They talk amongst each other about the day’s schedule of duties and tasks. He struggles to keep his eyes open, head leaning against the window despite its bumps from the uneven dirt road. He thought about calling it quits on the whole job after yesterday, but couldn’t bring himself to. It’s for selfish reasons too. The ones that deepen his guilt. 

The arrival to the farm is quicker than anticipated. Sunghoon forces himself to be more alert and awake, starting to pick up on the conversations between the others as he exits the parked truck. 

“Do you think it’s still hanging there?” One says. “The lamb of slaughter?” Another dumbly asks with a snort. “Well yeah, dipshit. You guys think that girl did it? She was weird as hell.” A third voice chimes in, “Being covered in blood and then leaving a dead animal hanging from a tree is creepy as fuck. The lady was right, stay the hell away from her.” He laughs. The others walk away in continuous chatter, leaving Sunghoon by the truck. 

Sunghoon is confused by this conversation and deeply disturbed. He doesn’t follow or press them with questions though. But it will give him much to think about for the day. He’s so exhausted from the lack of sleep, he wonders if he even heard them all correctly at all. Yeah, your whole introduction was strange but killing an animal and acting like nothing happened and then toying with him on the same day? Was all that really something a girl like you would do? He can’t say for sure because he doesn’t know you. 

He goes about his morning tasks lazily. His mind is too busy with the thoughts of you. He thinks of when or if he’ll see you today. You haven’t shown around the farm all day. It’s only an hour before noon, he tries to rationalize with himself. He still ponders throughout his work. What time will you come? Will you mysteriously show up like yesterday? Will you touch him again? Will you let him feel good? Is he forgivable or going to burn in hell for wanting more?

He shakes his head to rid it of the thoughts. Perhaps he’s too hopeful. After lunch time he goes back to the farmers lodge to take a nap. At least that’s the realistic excuse he used. He struggles to even fall asleep because he’s so anxious about listening for any sound of you possibly coming back here. 

His eyes, sullen and tired, just can’t stay open after half an hour of waiting. So eventually he does fall asleep. You never show up. When he wakes up from his long needed nap he somehow feels worse knowing you didn’t visit than he did committing his first sin. 

The following day of work is a repeat. He doesn’t see you at all yet you occupy all of his thoughts. He thinks badly of himself for many reasons. 

　On the fourth day, you finally decide it’s time to check up on the poor boy. You watched Sunghoon mope around the farm for two days and it was cute at first but you’re getting bored again. You did like how his eyes were always searching around, hopeful that every sound he heard from behind or around corners was you. Knowing you had such an effect on him made you wonder how much more you could do to him. 

From the window of your room, you watch when they all arrive. Your mother greets them like she does in the mornings and gives them all tasks that need to be completed for the day. It’s Thursday which means she’ll be out for a few hours to go into town and sort out business for products: cow and goat milk processing for cheeses and soaps. At least you assume considering you overheard her phone call about such the day prior. 

You spend the morning around the house, reading and snacking on fruits, waiting for your mother to leave so you can proceed with your plan. There was some effort into your appearance today. You wear a spaghetti strapped white babydoll dress, lined at the bottom with sewn embroideries. It’s simple and flows nicely above your knees when you walk. You hate it because it alludes to soft purity but at least it feels good to dress light in the summer heat. And it might make you all the more approachable to feeble Sunghoon. 

After about an hour, your mother finally leaves. You give it about 10 minutes before you’re shoving on your boots and leaving the house. Some of the blood from earlier in the week still stains the brown leather; you did clean them off but clearly not to the best extent. You’re okay with that though, it seems prettier this way to you. 

Looking and walking around the property, you see the scattered farmhands busy with different things. The sun isn’t kind today, it’s piercing in brightness and temperature. The sweat begins to seep from your pores in a matter of minutes, making you feel sticky. You run a hand through your tangled hair, fingers getting caught in unbrushed knots that you yank through anyways. You don’t see Sunghoon anywhere that’s directly under the sun. You continue to search around the farm, gaining a few cautious looks from the other workers. As you walk past their gazes you wear a wry smile with a tilt to your head. They look away quickly after being caught staring. 

Some wandering in and out of the different barns and coops are done. He wasn’t in any of them though.  You greet the animals you pass by and give pats to some of the cows. “Have you guys seen him nearby? I’m not a fan of hide and seek.” You mumble to one of the goats, scratching lightly beneath its chin while it chews away at grains and hay. It maas in return. You pull your hand back out from the stable then leave to continue the manhunt. 

It’s when you’re walking by the horses’ stables that you see they’ve already been cared for, telling you that someone was here already. You glance to the smaller shed nearby, having a suspicious inkling that it's where Sunghoon is. You walk to the shed and see yourself inside. And he is. He has his back turned to you, standing at a work bench table and cleaning something off. 

You walk up behind him, the sound of your footsteps being dulled by the scattered hay on the wooden floors; he doesn’t notice that you entered the space, clearly lost in his own thoughts. You tap his shoulder which makes him spin around in surprise, dropping the brushes he was cleaning. 

Sunghoon’s eyes are wide at the sight of you standing so close to him. You can tell he’s lost sleep by the dark circles around his eyes and how his complexion is impossibly paler. His mouth is stuttering to find words, opening and closing. 

You step closer to him and he steps back, his backside now pressing against the table. It wobbles on the uneven wooden stilts that hold it up. Reflexively, his hands reach back to hold onto the table, but he’s using it for his own stability. You simply stand there in between his legs, staring up at his face and taking in all the details that differ from the last time you saw him. He swallows, quietly watching your face in return. 

“I haven’t seen you around.” Sunghoon speaks first, his voice a soft surrender. You feel his breath on your face. 

“I know. I saw you though. You missed me.” You state bluntly, taking note of the little fangs he has for teeth. He probably bites good, you think, licking the back of your own teeth. 

“If you saw me then why didn’t you…” he trails off into a quiet again, closing his eyes for a moment with a sigh. “I wouldn’t call it that.” His eyes open again as he feels your hands on his chest, sliding up his white tank and underneath the sleeves of his denim jacket to his shoulders. He bites down, suddenly stiff. 

Ignoring his response you continue, “How can you wear this when it’s so warm out?” Your hands slide over his shoulders and down his toned arms, the jacket slips down to reveal the toned limbs. Your eyebrows raise at the sight yet your face remains relatively blank. “You’ve got muscle. Good for farm work.” Small hands continue to run over the smooth milk-like skin, learning every curve of his lean built physique. It’s not sexual, just exploratory. 

Sunghoon sucks in a breath, watching you inspect him. He begins to feel flustered, relishing in the contact of skin on his. You notice his tense body and ask him if it’s okay, to which replies a raspy stutter, “Y-yeah.” Your hands slide down his arms and back up to his shoulders. Then down his chest and body to stop at the waistline of his jeans. He has a nice body; he must be athletic. You don’t care to ask in what ways. Your fingers dip into his jeans just slightly to pull him in closer to you, he gasps, his growing cock pressing against your stomach. 

“Sunghoon,” You ridicule him, tsking under your breath at the pressure you feel of his arousal. “Already?” You look up at him but he can’t meet your eyes, feeling embarrassed. You play with the waistline, your fingertips running back and forth between the denim and his skin. “Is this sinning?” It’s a soft question yet mocking. He only shakes his head, nervously gnawing at his bottom lip. “Do you want to?” He whimpers, slowly nodding his head. You take your hands off him, crossing your arms. “You have to tell me. Look at me and tell me.” 

He looks back at you dispirited. He knows that you know what he wants. And here you are making him admit it outloud, both to you and God. “Please.” He begs quietly, hoping it only reaches your ears and not the sky’s. “I want you.” 

There’s that feeling again. The lit match that falls from your throat to the gasoline of your stomach that erupts in flames. Fire to your abdomen and loins; it’s an angry feeling, sparked by his honest admit of want, and for you specifically. You watch him with narrowed eyes while mumbling, “you revolt me.” 

He doesn’t reply to your venomous insult. It stings to hear the degrading words in both his heart and pants; he thinks himself disgraceful too. 

You drop to your knees, hands finding place back on his jeans to undo his zipper. He stares down at you in bated breath, hands still gripping tight on the table behind him. His are pulled down slowly, purposely so. You watch him writher, body and face. “Did you do it again?” you question, looking up at him from below. He would never avow to how the sight of you on your knees alone makes him ache all the more. 

He wants to tear his eyes away from you but he can’t. The image of you in your white dress on the ground before him needs to be burned into his memory. He stutters a mumble of words but you don’t catch anything, if he even said a coherent response at all. You ask again, pinching his thigh. He tries to hum over the strained noise in the back of his throat, “Yes.. I mean no! B-but I didn’t touch myself.”

You try not to giggle, biting the inside of your cheek. Knowing he wanted to feel that way again but couldn’t on his own gave you a funny sense of power over him. One of your hands traces the outline of his hard cock through his boxer briefs. “You make a mess?” He shivers at the feeling of your breath on his suffocating length. He breathes out a ‘no’ while you lick a strip over the material. “Why not? I showed you how.”

He moans softly, trying not to let his hips chase after the feeling that he’s been after for days. “You know I can’t,” he exhales. You roll your eyes, mouthing and licking at him languidly. Your hands are still half tugging at the material that keeps him hidden. A faint pool of precum quickly stains his boxers. 

“Sunghoon,” you look up at him with your chin resting on the bulge. He swallows hard, acknowledging you with a hum. “You will never be free from it. The sin I let you taste will forever linger on the tip of your tongue, begging and licking to taste more in crave. No holy blessed water can possibly cleanse you even if you drown in it.” 

His bottom lip pouts out with a little droning whine. He should defend himself, say that his faith is stronger than he is and that his soul is saveable by mercy. But a part of him also feels that doesn’t want to be. His eyes begin to well with tears. 

“Not even a god could make you pure again,” you give him a small smile and pat his naked thigh before pulling down his underwear. His cock now free slaps his stomach to which he breathes out heavily. You grab him with both hands, giving him one last look before taking the leaking head into your mouth. Hands working on him steadily. 

“T-that’s dirty!” he leans forward with a low sounding moan, his hands on your head and in your hair. Your eyes go wide at this. “Why would you put that in your mouth?!” he gasps, the warm wetness around his tip making him dizzy. “This is so vulgar, oh God, forgive me.” he cries, not pulling your mouth off of him but holding you there. 

You circle your tongue around the tip and over his leaking slit, licking the beads of precum that leak out. It makes your grimace before you lean back, a wet pop as your mouth leaves. “Enough of your penitence, and take your hands off me.” It sounds like a warning to which he complies without question, only a hushed apology. He’s the one who wants to be touched anyways, not you. 

You take him into your mouth again, your lips wrap around him in a painful stretch to accommodate his size. He sits heavy on your tongue that lays flat underneath, doing what you can with it. Your hands at the base work around him, jerking and squeezing him like you did before. You weren’t really sure what you were doing, mainly just mocking the actions you read about in books. It seems to be working for Sunghoon regardless because he can barely hold himself together. Whining and whimpering through fat tears, whole body shuddering from the overwhelming wet heat of your mouth. 

His jaw goes slack, mouth hung open only to elicit a breathless moan. His head rolls back on his neck and his eyes flutter to a close. The feeling of your mouth wrapping around him is hot heaven. His body trembles with the new, sweeping sensation. Stomach already tight with contracting muscles. He thinks he could pass out. 

Watching his face, him, discover and feel pleasurable sin is slightly euphoric to you. You’ve seen it in movies and read of it in books, but it was something you never quite fully explored yourself. There’s been a few instances that you did touch yourself; it always felt empty or like something was always missing. There’s little to no excitement when doing it alone in shameful hiding. Witnessing, causing such debauchery is different somehow. Safer in ways you didn’t dwell in thought on. You do wish he would stop crying about it, you find it pathetic of him in a provoked way. 

Involuntarily, he thrusts himself down your throat with a guttural groan. You gag and cough around him, tears sting your eyes that make you squeeze them shut—refusing to let a single one dare to escape. Now it felt like a challenge. One to which you wouldn’t back down in fear of looking weak. 

Your hands hold his thighs roughly, bruisingly so if you had the strength. You move his body in a small back and forth motion, encouraging him to continue his movements. You’re looking up at him with glazed over eyes and a slight nod. He chokes a sob at the sight, you on your knees not to pray but to devour him.

“Ah, I- I’m sorry. Your mouth is so wet, so warm.” He starts off with shallow thrusts, dragging his cock along your wet muscle. His hips stutter while his world seems to be crashing down. “This is so dirty. You look so dirty. And—ngh—it’s.. it’s so good. It’s so good,” he babbles, pushing himself as far down into your mouth as he can. His tip kisses the back of your throat making you gag around him. Your nails digging into the flesh of his strong legs. He can’t stop moaning and whimpering, becoming a slave to pleasure. 

He watches your face. Hollowed cheeks sucking and swallowing around him, the tightness of your throat around him hugging and contracting through chokes that reverberate your body to his cock. The spit that leaks from your lips and all over him is obscene, such a sinful mess. He so badly wants to grab your head and force himself down further, but his nails dig into the wood of the table instead. 

“Hm, I can’t—” he moans your name, thrusting rougher now. His whole body crumbling in on itself, chasing the feeling of release. 

Then there’s the sound of footsteps and a few voices that follow. Sunghoon sucks in a deep breath, taking a fist to his mouth to bite down onto. He looks at you in fear because of the proximity of the other farmhands right outside. This only makes you smirk around him, a glint of evil in your eyes. He shakes his head hurriedly, stopping his movements—as if that would make you both disappear. 

You push yourself off his cock, licking over your cracked and saliva covered lips. You bring a finger to your lips and shush him. “Be quiet or they’ll find out what a nasty whore you are. Unless you want that.” Your voice is quiet and raspy from the abuse of him fucking himself down your throat. You stare into his eyes intently before taking him back in. He glances from you to the door of the shed, his body shaking. 

You slurp and suck him up, purposely loud and sloppy. A hand jerking off the base that doesn’t quite fit in your mouth. He cries quietly with his mouth open, meek and desperate sounds escape that he can’t withhold. “Please…” He’s whimpering, begging for something that he doesn’t know the context of. 

“Do you think the extra feed is in this one?” A voice questions, the door being opened just a crack. 

Sunghoon quickly tries to bend down for his jeans but you slap his hand away, pushing him back into the table. You grip his thighs and force yourself to take all of him down. You gag around him, eyes never leaving his panicky and fucked out face. His face silently begs for you that enough is enough but you don’t stop, because a part of you knows he doesn’t want you to either. 

“It doesn’t hurt to check, does it?” The other replies with a light chuckle. “Could take a break for some shade too while we’re at it.” The door opens slowly with an agonizing creak, sunlight barely pouring. 

Each passing second feels like an eternity to him. The door is still only cracked, not enough for them to see inside but it’s cutting it close. His cock twitches at the thought of being caught with his dick down the throat of the farmer’s daughter. A blazing adrenaline rushes through him. 

Sunghoon can’t bear it any longer. His hands find purchase on the back of your head, pushing himself completely into your mouth. His hips stutter with a whimper on his lips as the hot cum pours down your throat. “Ah, sh- ngh!” You smack at his legs for him to release the hold, choking for air to breathe. You instinctively swallow around him, consuming his load of sin.  

“You dumbass! The horses are already fed, let’s just go for a water break.” The door slams back on itself to a close. Their footsteps can be heard walking away. 

Sunghoon breathes heavily, letting go of you. His body instantly relaxing back with his elbows on the table to support him. Meanwhile you fall onto your ass, a hand around your throat while you gasp for air through rough coughs. “What the fuck did I say about putting your hands on me?” You rasp before coughing again. The taste of him sits on the back of your tongue no matter how much you swallow. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “we shouldn’t get caught.” He pulls his pants and boxers back up then extends a hand to you, an offering to help you stand back up. 

You scoff, ignoring his hand and stand up on your own. You brush the dirt and stray strands of hay from your knees. “Whatever. We both got what we wanted.” You start to turn for the door to leave the shed with the thought of brushing your teeth in mind. 

Sunghoon, confused as to what you could’ve gotten out of helping him, just reaches for your hand. He grabs you and pulls you back to look at him. His eyes are sad, maybe even a little afraid by your haste to leave. “Y-you’re just going to leave me again?” He sounds broken by the fact. 

“What?” You can’t help but breathe a laugh, “Did you expect me to do more?” You ask with raised brows. 

“No! No, not like that.. But..” He swallows his pride, “I- I don’t know. Just don’t leave yet. Please.” 

You blink at him, scanning his features like a robot in calculation. The pleading of his expression and his words aggravate you. A fiery burning to your insides and the skin that he touches, that he reached for. You look down to his tight grip on your hand before yanking it away. You don’t say anything more, and neither does he. He wipes his eyes from whatever salty wetness is still there. 

A moment of silence solidifies your decision. You beckon him to follow you out and he does. 

For the rest of his work day you remain. You try not to think about why. But subconsciously you know it’s because for the first time someone willingly wants to be by your side. At first you imagine it’s because of what you’ve done for him—gave him what any man desires: pleasure. A man falling into temptation is far too easy. 

Though he doesn’t ask for more and he doesn’t bring it up. Almost like it never happened. 

It seems like he really just wants to be around you. There’s little said between each other. It’s just idle farm work with company. And it’s more peaceful than you expected it to be. He didn’t touch you, question you, or do much at all to bother you in general. 

Sometimes he stares at you, but you do the same to him. He even gives a sheepish smile when he catches you; it doesn’t get returned. That doesn’t bother him though. He thinks you look beautiful on the farm in your dress with dirt covered hands and hair messy from the wind. He hopes to tell you that one day but for now he stays shy, still weary and afraid. 

The sun shines relentlessly unless a cloud mercifully passes by. The breeze is rare yet kind. The animals make their sounds to sing a collective song. The trees and crops sway like waving hands of hellos and goodbyes, depending on where you’re headed to or from. It’s not so bad. 

　Two weeks go by. Time flies by for both you and Sunghoon. He comes to work during the week, and he spends his weekends missing you. He doesn’t know what you two are to each other, and he’s too scared to ask. There’s definitely been changes to the dynamic, however. Subtly so. You still don’t smile, or let him touch you. You roll your eyes and insult him if he’s too emotional. But you’re there. 

Certainly not everyday, but most, you spend his work days with him. It’s easier to be around one another. There can be small talk, usually about the farm or the weather. Still much to be learned about on a personal level, but he’s fine with the pace of the relationship (outside of the unholy acts that are committed). Sometimes you even end up helping him. Or at least he thinks of it that way. In reality you don’t like how he does things and take over to do it yourself. 

You still tease him in your cruel ways. Always ending with him in a mess because he’s easily worked up by your handsy curiosity. He caves into you every time because he can’t fight the divinity that you show him. 

There are other times where you confuse him. You suggest a water break knowing he’d gone hours without hydration under the summer heat. You insist on having him take a break under a roof away from the sun when his skin gets too sweaty or red. Which is followed by a reminder that sunscreen is important if he wishes to keep his milky complexion. It’s critical statements that you provide him, but he can’t help to think it’s a weird way of showing you care. 

Sure, it could be seen as you selfishly saying these things because it’s what you want for yourself, but in the back of his mind he’s very aware of how you watch and cater to him. It makes his heart jump every time and butterflies swarm his stomach. He can’t help it. The little things, the small acts of kindness—that you might not even intend—make him delusionally overthink. 

On the third weekend since starting his summer job, Jake can’t help all the questions he’s been building up and dying to ask. Jake doesn’t understand what Sunghoon has been going through, especially when his moods change so drastically. At first, Sunghoon was self isolating and pouty, clearly in his own head and sulking. But then he would come home from work beaming with an afterglow to his aura. And then on the weekends he was back to his reclusive, depressed state. 

Sick of being left out of Sunghoon’s inner turmoil, Jake finally pesters his friend. 

“When are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jake stands in the doorway of Sunghoon’s room, staring at his friend who’s laying face down in his bed. 

“I don’t know…” Sunghoon’s words are muffled in his pillow. 

Jake walks in with a sigh and sits at the end of the bed. He playfully slaps Sunghoon’s leg. “Dude, just tell me. You’re obviously going through something. You know I can keep a secret. I won’t judge.” 

Sunghoon rolls over on his back, his hands clasped together over his stomach as he stares up to the ceiling. He confides in Jake, telling his story from the beginning of when he first met you. He stutters over his words when he admits to the sinful acts he partook in with you. He tells Jake of his guilty conscience and how he enjoyed indulging in the feelings. Then he tells Jake about how he simply likes your company even without the sexual circumstances involved. How he’s mystified by your complex personality and only wishes to know you more. However, he does leave out the viciousness of your nature, since a part of him doesn’t quite believe in it. 

“It seems like you’re starting to develop a crush.” Jake laughs lightly, “And if it’s about religion, don’t overthink it too much. Nobody dies completely pure.” He reassures him. “You should show her more of you. That you like her too.” 

Sunghoon groans and covers his face at the terrifying suggestion. If only you were that easy to approach in such a vulnerable way. “I guess… I’ll consider it.” 

The next day is Sunday. Jake and Sunghoon attend church as normal. Sunghoon participates less in his prayers and songs than usual. His mind is too preoccupied with all he has going on in life. He feels guilt and frustration. 

Sunghoon, lost in his own world, fails to realize that his best friend—Jake—battles something similar internally. 

You’re never as alone as you think you are if you take a better look around. Everyone is riddled with their own self disgust, guilt, or shame. How else would the churches be so full? 

　Entering the fourth week of summer should feel easier than it does for Sunghoon. The work seems to be picking up regarding responsibilities. The weather is only becoming less forgivable. The peak is yet to hit, but that only means the seasonal storms are right around the corner. More care is needed in the fields and barns in terms of protection in case of unpredictable weather. 

Aside from the work, Sunghoon is anxious because of you. He hasn’t seen you yet today and he feels nervous about it. Perhaps he has grown too clingy, finding close comfort in knowing you’re there with him on the farm. There’s a sense of safety when you’re in the line of sight; you make things easier for him and he enjoys the presence. 

While he’s watering plants and checking the sprinklings through the fields, an older man approaches him. It’s a familiar face that he’s seen around a few times over the past month. The man waves with a smile and Sunghoon does the same. 

“It’s amazing what you’ve done, boy.” The man begins, Sunghoon questions where he’s going with the start because he’s just an extra hand of help and doesn’t feel he’s accomplished or improved the farm in drastic ways. “I’ve worked here, hm, well I’ll be damned! Nearly 15 years! And I’ve never once seen that farm girl talk to anyone. Much less spend time.” the man chuckles. 

“Oh!” Sunghoon blushes and hopes it’s only mistaken as feverish from the summer. He smiles small and stares down to the bundle of plants he brought with him to the farm today. He feels special knowing this much of you. “She’s something…” 

“Sometimes I’d see her talk to herself and the animals.” The man pulls out a cigarette and lighter to smoke. “She’d walk around aimlessly like a ghost. Used to scare the hell outta me.” As he laughs, smoke escapes his lungs. He wheezes a little before continuing, “But now she follows and watches you like she’s worshipin’. If only she did the same with her daddy. Although with a face like yours, I can’t blame the girl.” 

“Pardon? What do you mean by that?” Sunghoon, bemused, watches the man smoke and laugh between weak coughs. “She has a dad?” His last question is overroad by the man who speaks over him. 

“You keep up your work, kid. I outta get back to mines too.” And then he’s walking away with a low chuckle, shaking his head to himself. 

Sunghoon’s aware of your mother. He always thought it was just the two of you running things. He’s never once seen a man, your father, leave the house or so much so be around it. This gives him more to think about, especially on the fact that he still doesn't know much about you at all. You’re still an enigma to him, but he wants everything. 

By the afternoon when all the guys are finishing up their break, you finally come out of the house. With the sound of the front door opening, Sunghoon is quick to straighten his posture and find your eyes. You’re already looking at him, watching him and his surroundings with no expression. His cheeks burn and he can’t help the smile forming on his lips. 

Two and a half days without seeing you feels like so much longer. 

He stands up from the picnic table, grabbing his newspaper wrapped bundle of greenery and shyly hiding it behind his back. He walks over to you, tripping over his feet as he approaches the porch steps to the house. You stand there in front of the door but at the top of the few stairs, arms crossed and amused. 

He’s diffident, arms behind him and modestly attempting to hide how nervous he feels on the inside. His stomach is doing flips, his heart racing. On top of already sweating. He feels like he could throw up his lunch right in front of your feet. He swallows thickly before slowly bringing his hands out in front of himself. 

“I,” he clears his throat, “ehem, I got these for you.” With outstretched arms, the bundle of flowers shake in his trembling hands. He suddenly feels he’s too nervous to even meet your eyes, so he watches the chipped paint wood of the front porch steps. 

You just stand there, watching him with wide eyes and your heart in your throat. Your mouth is lost for words, glancing around at the few farmhands who haven’t left yet and are staring at Sunghoon’s exchange in a similar bewilderment. Some are trying to keep themselves from bursting out into laughter.

“Are you some kind of stupid?” You whisper harshly for only him to hear, snatching the flowers out of his hands. “Why the hell would you do this?” Your words like your tone are mean, but in your chest there’s a raging pounding. It’s a seething raw emotion that doesn’t know how to be dealt with. You’ve only just stepped out of the house and your body feels like it’s inside a furnace. 

Sunghoon’s head shoots back up to look at you, his face and heart drop. “I-I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I wasn’t sure what to do.. This is what boyfriends do, right?” He takes a hand to scratch at the back of his head. Inner turmoil takes over and he thinks he’s fucked up. He bites at his lip, doing his best not to instantly cry in regret. 

You notice this and sigh, irritated. You look from the neatly wrapped white roses and tulips and back to Sunghoon. “So you are stupid,” you mumble before taking your own bottom lip between your teeth. A part of you wants to sneer, but you spin on your heels to hide the warmth that floods your face in substitution. “I’m throwing them away,” you announce, opening the door and walking back inside your house. 

Sunghoon, broken, just drops his head and turns back. A few of the farmhands are snickering from not too far away, chattering among each other and eyeing Sunghoon. He wishes God would smite him on the spot from the humiliation. 

Wanting to avoid everything for a little while, he thinks of heading to the lodge to lay down in hiding. But before he can walk away, the front door of your house swings open once more. He glances back at you, meeting your eyes like he always seems to do. 

“Done for the day already?” You call over to him, now leaning over the banister of the porch with crossed arms. 

Sunghoon, unable to refute you, offers a weak smile and shakes his head. “No.” 

He walks back over to you and you meet him halfway. You don’t say anything else. You don’t bring up the fact that he had bought you flowers or confused the odd relationship you share for dating. It’s cute in all its blind innocence, but that just goes to show you that you have more work to do with him. 

You don’t think of messing with him today. He’s distinctly grown too clingy with how much time you’ve spent with him. Yet you can’t ignore him either. The two of you carry out the rest of the day’s farm work in silence. The inner fury you feel with him doesn’t seem to go away, despite how he hasn’t said much or even brushed skin with you. 

You don’t know how you’re remaining pacific by his side. The rampaging of your heart strings tug like a screaming instrument just from being next to him. How he can keep walking tall, stare at you when he thinks you aren’t looking, or even smile at you is beyond what you know is capable of humans. Men like him only existed in books and movies. You wonder if he’s perhaps playing a game like you.

By the time he’s in the truck to go back to town to catch a bus into the city, you’re sitting at the lake dock. Criss crossed legs, a bouncing knee, and fingernails being ripped at by your teeth. You stare blankly at the water, hoping for that sense of serenity to encapsulate you. It never seems to come. It just feels cold.

So you decide on punishing him for making you feel this way. 

You don’t leave your house for the next three days. You don’t make yourself known, heard or seen. However, you’re peeking out every window of your house to get any chance of a view of him. You hate yourself for being so curious of him in the first place. What was supposed to be good fun has only left you feeling angry. Taking his innocence was never going to heal you, or even make him like yourself. In fact, it’s making you sicker.

And on the night of the fourth Thursday, you’re laying in bed staring at your ceiling. A stuffed animal is hugged tightly to your chest. You can’t sleep and you can’t stop thinking about someone for the first time in your life. No amount of tossing and turning, counting sheep, or button presses to your distorted singing, stuffed bear made it easier. 

Somehow, you ended up punishing yourself. You always had a knack for that, historically, but this time felt different. It actually kind of hurt. Being alone came naturally to you, but tonight it hits you just how lonely you’ve always been. 

　Friday, the farmhands are huddled on the front porch of your house. All the animals are safely away in their designated homes thanks to their help. It started to storm in a heavy downpour only minutes ago. What started out as a dark gray gloom and windy rain quickly turned into an early flooded property, illuminated by strikes of flashing lightning and roaring thunder. 

You stand dry under the protection of the porch roof by the front door. Watching and listening to your mother suggest the shaking cold, soaked men take shelter in the lodge until the sky lets up so they can head home. 

Sunghoon hasn’t spared a look to you all day, but you know that he feels his eyes on you. It’s in the way he shifts awkwardly amongst the men that ignore him. How his eyes are trained low and unfocused yet always trying to move in your direction. His wet hair falls over his face, concealing his emotions you wish to dissect. He comes off as stoic but you know he wears his heart on his sleeve; how his body language speaks volumes. 

Your mother pushes past you to get back inside, saying she’ll check the basement for a spare heater that the boys could use at the lodge. There’s something in you that makes you move without thinking. Suddenly a hand is tugging at the bottom of Sunghoon’s damp jacket for his attention. The material is too thin for this weather and the thought of him becoming sick crosses your mind. 

“It’s warmer here,” your words, for once, came out soft. Too much so, being lost in the cracking sound of thunder. He looks at you through his bangs. The wave of alleviation from whatever he was dealing with is palpable. His eyes and body almost look relaxed. You tug him towards you once more, insinuating that he follows you. 

He does. Like whatever subconscious emotion made you approach him also made him follow you in. As he steps in, he notices the indistinguishable vibes of the farmer’s lodge. It’s updated and cleaner, but similar in aesthetics. A shotgun sits leaning up against the wall by the front door. His brows furrow and eyes narrow. “Those aren’t safe to have lying around…” he mumbles. 

You tug him towards the staircase to walk up, “It’s protection. Only my mother and I are here,” is mumbled back as you lead him up the wooden, creaking stairs. Your feet move light and quick, like a mouse in a home not theirs. If your mother saw you, there would be unnecessary consequences. And the possibility of your father’s involvement would only worsen such. 

Sunghoon cautiously steps into your bedroom, his body tenses at the sound of you shutting and locking the door. He feels on edge, wrapping his arms around his shivering body and soaked clothes. You move around him to sit on your bed, telling him to remove his sopping attire. He does so with shaking hands, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. He shyly looks around the room while using his hands to cover his manhoon. 

His eyes scan over you, sitting quietly on your bed with a look of contemplation that stares past him. A wooden cross hangs on the wall above your bed, the dark wood matches the decadent bed frame. The nightstand nearby has a pile of books and journals with a low light lamp and unlit candle. 

The large window has sheer white curtains drawn open and a vase on the windowsill. A glass vase filled with the flowers he gave you earlier in the week. His heart aches at the sight of the still healthy white roses and tulips, and a smile graces his lips. You liar! You kept them! Is what runs through his thoughts. 

Without Sunghoon realizing, you got up to grab a towel and drape over the back of his shoulders. He’s taken aback by your ghost-like actions, but offers you a small smile of appreciation. “Thanks…” 

You nod for response and glance from him to the vase of flowers he was lost in thought over. You didn’t have it in to explain yourself, mostly because you didn’t understand why you had done so either. 

He dries himself off and finds a place to sit at the end of your bed. You’re on the other end with your back pressed to the headboard, watching him, counting every mole you can find on his pale canvas. The stuffed animal you sleep with is being mindlessly fumbled around in your hands. 

Sunghoon turns to face you directly, he reaches a hand out, eyes shifting from your face and the winged bear. You shoot him a mean look at first, only holding it closer to yourself before your face softens to slowly extend it out to him. 

He takes it with careful hands and looks down to inspect the old toy. Its cream colored fur is dirtied and matted with age. The holographic satin wings on the back have loose stitching and its halo is crooked. Across the chest of the bear reads ‘Jesus Loves Me’ but it’s obvious the sewn name Jesus has been ripped away at. One paw has a red heart embroidered saying ‘press me’. His thumb brushes over the button heart before pressing down. The bear sings in a distorted happy voice the lullaby of Jesus loves me. 

“His name is Saint Michael,” you say quietly and he almost doesn’t catch it. Sunghoon can only breathe a laugh because he finds the dichotomy cute. You almost laugh too, but bite your tongue and look back to your empty hands. You don’t know it but he can see you try to fight your little smile. To him, this moment means more than anything; he’s starting to see you’re more tender than you realize. It brings him a sense of surety in knowing that he can break you like you to do him. 

Silly as it may seem for a troubled girl, the bear was the only comfort you had throughout childhood. There was no kindness from your father, no solace from your mother, no guide in knowing life or love. But there was Saint Michael, the stuffed angel bear; he may not have defended you in battle but he hugged you back, and that was enough to cherish him like a deity. 

Sunghoon crawls across the bed and sits himself next to you, too close for your liking, but you don’t push him away. He hands the stuffie back to you and you place it on the nightstand to face away from you. You lower yourself in the bed, shuffling under the covers of the blanket and he does the same. His skin naked bare yearns for more warmth, yours specifically. 

You feel him turn on his side next to you, pressing up against you despite there being enough space on the bed. His movements are awkward and nervous like he is. You feel a certain pressure against your thigh that isn’t his bones or limbs. You spare him a glance, he doesn’t know if it’s a warning or dare. 

“...Have I ruined you?” You wonder aloud, looking back to the ceiling. 

“No,” he answers quickly, shaking his head against your shoulder. The way he’s missed you in his desire to touch you, hands tingling with want to snake around your waist and pull you in tight. “I think I just want you all the time now. I can’t help it, m’sorry.” He sounds ashamed in his soft mumbles. 

“I’ll only keep stripping all that purity from you. Once it’s mine it’ll remain mine, you know that right?” You look back at him before brushing some of his drying hair from his eyes. He tries to lean up into the touch but your hand is taken back. “And I will pretend it’s healing all that’s missing from me. Do you really want to be mine, Sunghoon?” Your words are so gentle yet laced with threat. 

“Yes,” he exhales, “I want to be yours. Let me be yours please.” It’s hushed, a secret prayer with hope. His hips push further into the skin of your leg, where the hip meets the thigh. He wouldn’t mind going to Hell if it meant more time with you. 

“You beg like a needy barn animal in heat.” You use a hand to cup his face, he sighs into the hold as he eyes flutter to a close. You push your leg in between his, terribly close to his exposed and vibrating body. “So hump me like one.” 

“W-what?” he stutters out before licking over his lips, his thighs squeezing around the plush of yours now trapped in his. His eyes already wet with desperate want, staring back at yours.

“Do it. Like it’s mating season and you want to claim me before anyone else.” 

A cracked voice whine falls from his lips and he begins to roll his growing bulge against you. You watch as he sucks in breaths between quiet breathy moans. His pink, plump lips pursing and falling open. His eyes try to stay on your face, how close you are to him, but they fall shut sometimes in his basking of rapture. It’s a slutty sight of a faith-sickened boy. 

He loves the little to no proximity that there is. His hands find place on your waist, and he’s aware of how that makes you feel, but he can’t stop it. He wants more and more of you. His hands slide up under your shirt, the feeling on your bare skin in his hands makes his body shudder. Untouched, warm flesh for his large hands to explore and learn every curve of. 

Even you stiffen at his exploration, holding in your breath as if you’ve forgotten how to breathe. Your shirt lifts up more with his hands and the exposure is daunting like you’re revealing your insides. 

The pit of your stomach lights up and you're frozen under his clutch. The pads of his fingers hold you so tight as if he’s scared you’ll disappear. His cock is raging and you can feel every pulse of blood that his heart beat floods to. He’s humping into you desperately, chasing the euphoria that he could never find on his own. Such a delicate, shy boy now driven by lust and longing. 

“You’re pathetic and disgusting. You’re practically fucking me through our clothes,” you murmur while you try to push his hands down off you, but his grip won’t let up. Instead his nails dig further into you, a barely sounding broken noise escapes you from the pain. This makes his body collapse further into you, his head dropping between your shoulder and neck. His movements are sloppy and rushed. 

“N-no, I’m still good. You make me feel good, I am so good,” he whines, tears beginning to fall from his eyes to your shoulder. You try to imagine his holy water is washing you clean but it only singes. 

“Tell me that only I make you feel good, that you’re only good for me.” 

“Only you—can only be you to make me good,” he cries against your warmth, rocking himself into you roughly. His leaking cock begins to twitch against you and his hips won’t quit their stuttered jerks. 

You hum lightly and run a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He looks up at you with those desperate, wet, dark eyes and you can’t help but acknowledge how pretty he is like this. His puffy cheeks are flushed pink as the tip of his nose. “Only for me,” you mumble.

“Yes, thank you, I am yours. Yes.” His breaths are jagged and heavy. There’s a coiling in his abdomen that feels borderline explosive. You were right, he craves this feeling. It’s surreal to him how he’s gone so long without it. His arms wrap around you completely now, holding you down while his body rolls on top of yours, situated between your legs. His heart hammers against your chest; he wants to mold into you, to become a singular rot. 

You squeak a gasp, being caged down by him. Your heart beats with the same veracity. One of your arms wraps around his waist to hold his back while the other holds the back of his head that hasn’t left the safety of your neck. He continuously sobs through meek moans. His hair tickles your skin like sparks while his lips brush over your jaw and neck making the tingle feel like crackling flames. 

Under his weight you feel yourself slipping in both confidence and dominance, your body wanting to sink down in submission from the unknown comfort of his control. Your heart aches and you feel something you’ve never felt before. You think you’re scared of it, yet your body pulls him closer. Hand in his hair, tugging with fearful aggression. Nails piercing the skin of his shoulder blade. You’re pliant under his heavy thrusts and sounds of sin. 

The rain pours harder outside with whips of harsh winds smacking the window. It’s almost like God’s wrath is screaming to be seen, to shout that He is watching. 

Sunghoon’s hard cock is relentless against your core. The rough grind of him is stimulating in ways   you’ve never felt before, your body sensitive and starving for more. You squeeze your eyes shut and moan within your closed mouth, hating yourself for feeling this way because it was never supposed to be about you. You are betraying yourself more than your fathers.

The sounds you try to withhold make Sunghoon weaker. He feels uncontrollable, only becoming needier and hungrier with his movements, “I can’t stop. I can’t stop.” He whines, begging for you to vocalize how you feel it too. 

You feel like you’re breaking underneath him, and it feels shameful. Like every harsh word your father ever spat at you was true now that you’re a part of the experience and not just the cause. Everything is too much. It takes every ounce of strength you have to turn both of your bodies over. Now sitting up on top of his lap, you can finally breathe again, sighing in relief. He whimpers at the distance between you both but also from the view of you. 

He moans your name softly as he grips your hips, pushing himself up into your clothed pussy like he’s fucking you. Your hands push down on his shoulders. You stare into his eyes with a plain expression and contrasting sharp eyes, grinding your hips back down on top of him. It’s hard to ignore the way it makes you feel, watching him fall apart beneath you as his pulsing cock fucks against you, but you manage. 

“Cum for me,” you demand quietly, “make a mess and imagine it’s inside me.” 

“Holy fu—ngh,” his entire body spasms and shudders with a low groan falling from his open lips. His movements slow down only to become lazier and uncoordinated. You can feel the warm wetness he spills soak through your thin pajama shorts and underwear. 

“You’re right. You are good for me,” you coo softly, cupping his face and using your thumbs to wipe away the tears. Your hips circle and swivel slowly on him until his quivering cock finishes cumming. 

Sunghoon has a sparkle to his wet eyes. The way the gentle praise left your lips makes him melt, and he can’t stop the flickering glance between your eyes and lips. He breathes heavily through his post clarity. Still he basks in your touch with a hopeful look in his eyes. His tongue slides over his lips before he’s leaning up towards your face, hands affixed to your waist to pull you closer to him. 

This makes a wave of panic wash over you, knowing what he wants to do. You shake your head no and pull yourself away, slipping off of his lap only to turn away from him. 

“None of that. It’s not what-” 

And then there’s a press of lips to your cheek. Your face burns as if a hot coal was what kissed your face. Your eyes go wide, turning to see the boy sitting up next to you. He only wears a shy smile as he sees your reaction.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a week now,” he admits with a small laugh. “Not exactly there but that’s fine. I wish you would let me help you feel good too.” he whispers, looking back to the windowsill where the gifted flowers stood in their vase with the raging storm as their backdrop. 

“That’s dumb and I don’t need to,” you reply, still watching him stare forward. Your chest feels painful; it’s an ache like shattered glass trying to piece together in the wrong ways. Stabbing but trying.

“I think you deserve to,” he argues. “But I understand if it’s not what you want. I was really touchy and I shouldn’t have been because you don’t seem like it. I was too caught up in the moment.” His mind goes to the mess he’s still sitting in and he feels self-conscious all over again. “Is it embarrassing how much I need you?”

You blink at him, swallowing the words that were never going to come out because you didn’t even know what they should or would be. So you settle with a simple, “No.”

You think it would kill you to admit how much you actually always wished to be wanted, needed, or loved. A bigger part of you didn’t think you were worthy of it, let alone capable. The world had such a way of saying otherwise. Until it brought Sunghoon to you; the boy who showed you feelings and experiences you never thought possible. 

As if he could read your mind, he asks, “Why did you choose me out of everyone?” He falls back onto the bed, laying down and pulling the blanket over himself. 

“I think you reminded me of a lamb.” 

“Pardon?” His brows furrow. 

You lay back down next to him, facing him like he is to you. “Pretty, white, and docile. You were so nervous when I first saw you—sometimes you still are.” You even laugh a little. “When you shook my hand I knew I could do anything to you because you’d let me.” 

“You think I’m pretty?” He smiles wide, scooting closer to you. 

You scoff with an eye roll, leaning further away from him. “Oh shut up, you’ve seen a mirror.” 

And then it’s his turn to laugh a little. He looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises and falls. It kind of hurts you to see him like this because it reminds you of your initial rotten intentions and how they’re dissipating the more you’re with him. 

Time passes faster than the two of you realize. There’s light banter and easy conversations. You learn more about Sunghoon. Where he goes to school, what he studies, and who his friends are. He tells you of the sports he used to do and what he does in free time with his best friend. The more you learn about him, the more you understand his naivety and how despite what you’ve done, he won’t change. There’s something lovely about it. 

You don’t have much to share about your life the way he does, at least not in the same light. But you show him your favorite books, drawings you made over the years, and share the stories of movies you found interesting. He savors the moment of you simply confiding, enjoying the more he can know about you. 

The storm passes later in the evening. So caught up in borrowing time, the rain has slowed down to a simple pitter patter. The clouds dispersed and the setting sun only came through to say goodbye to the day. 

The sound of the truck that the farmhands use to take back to town is heard roaring to life, signalling you and Sunghoon that it’s safe and time to head out. 

Sunghoon jumps out of bed but by the time he’s shoving himself into his still damp jeans and looking out the window, the truck is already speeding down the dirt, now mud riddled road. 

“They just left without me,” he breathes out. “I’m used to them leaving me out, but t-this is.. How am I going to get home?” He looks back to you with sad eyes, not the light they had earlier. He’s not shocked by their actions, but he is disappointed. A hand runs through his hair in his stress. 

“Should I kill them?” Your question is brazen, body and voice eerily still in your seriousness. 

“W-what?!” he whispers in shock, freezing for a moment. 

“I’m joking.” You sit up and watch Sunghoon resume getting dressed. “I think you should head back to the lodge for the night. There’s a washer and dryer for your clothes. And spare food for dinner too.” 

Sunghoon nods slightly, “your jokes are weird, but okay.” He looks like he’s thinking of something, taking his bottom lip between his teeth in thought before speaking again. “Can you stay with me for the night at least?” he asks shyly. 

“No,” comes out quicker than you intended. “...But I guess I can walk with you there.” 

He nods again but now with his signature small dimpled smile. You almost forgot about being angry at the other farmhands for taking it away. 

You have to make sure the coast is clear before leaving the house. You tiptoe down the halls and stairs, weary of where your mother is inside the house. To your luck, she’s in her usual state. She’s passed out on the couch with two empty bottles of wine on the floor. The television volume is low, playing a rerun of the reverend’s sermon; the devil himself of your childhood, preaching about how he lost his child to the otherside. 

With a finger to your lips, you silently signal for Sunghoon to be quiet and to follow you out. 

Once safely out of the front door, you take his hand in yours and start running for the lodge. The tall boy is behind you, so you don’t get to see the bright smile on his lips or in his eyes as you run through the light run towards the lodge. 

Now standing in the front doorway of the farmer’s lodge, wet from the sky all over again and still hand in hand, Sunghoon bravely speaks up.

“I don’t like it when you disappear on me,” he breathes out shakily, honestly. “Nobody else sees me like you do,” he squeezes your hand tighter in his, feeling you begin to pull away. “Come with me into the city tomorrow. We can- I’m not sure yet, but I’m sure I want more time with you.” 

His eye contact is unwavering, begging. Both of his strong hands hold onto yours. You glance from your hand then back to his pleading expression. He will always remain so sweet, no matter what you do to him. 

“I felt less lonely before I met you,” you confess, eyes unblinking as you stare up at him for a long pause. “I’ll meet you here in the morning.” 

In only seconds, he’s pulling you into a hug. His arms wrap around you so tightly as he holds you to his chest. You go stiff in his arms, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. What feels suffocating at first turns into a warmth you’ve become all too familiar with, and it was never anger. The indignation you always wear is just a hand me down from your parents; it doesn’t fit you right even though it’s comfortable. 

With a shaky exhale, you wrap your arms around him too. The hug surrounds you like a blanket of unknown comfort. Your ear pressed to his chest listens to the sound of his racing heart. You can feel the pound throughout his entire body too. Every emotion held within is trying and fighting to be seen. It’s still so cold from the rain but he feels contrast, only warm. His lips press a kiss to the top of your head, making your body burn even more and your hold all the tighter. 

　True to your word, you meet Sunghoon at the farmer’s lodge the next morning. He seems happier than usual. Very giddy to be spending a weekend day with you without work in the way. No distractions or excuses to leave. Just the two of you and a new day with zero obligations.

Because you had a spare bike, you both are able to peddle towards town to the bus stop together. Having made these frequent trips alone, you’re familiar with the owner of the gas station at the stop. He’s a deaf older man, and it surprises Sunghoon that you know how to sign and ask him to hold onto the bikes until you’re back. You tell Sunghoon that you learned some basics from reading a book you bought a long time ago. 

Stunned, Sunghoon realizes that you went out of your way to do so for one man who watches your bike while you endure solo trips. You, the odd girl who was mean and sinful, used your money and learned a language for one man who did a simple favor. He’s learning more to admire you for by the day, and it’s crazy to him how you don’t see your own charm. 

Sunghoon pays your bus fares even though you insisted on being capable of doing so yourself. Sat in the middle of the bus that’s only barely half filled, he asks if there’s anything you’d like to do for the day while in the city. Nobody has ever asked you such an effortless thing, and you like it more than you imagined. Just uncomplicated curiosity of your wishes. 

“The book store. The small yellow one on main street. Maybe see a movie if anything is worth seeing.” You shrug, spewing out the usual things you do. Looking around the taken bus seats, you notice some familiar faces. 

“That sounds nice,” he smiles, “our first real date! I think there’s a cafe near that book store too. Do you like coffee?” 

Your cheeks burn as you stare at him in bewilderment, “you think we’re going on a date?!” 

“Of course we are,” he laughs like it’s obvious and wraps an arm around your shoulder, looking out of the window. All that the town can offer him other than you passes by. “I’m a fan of americanos. You seem like you’d take your coffee black.” 

“I don’t even like coffee,” you mumble, turning your attention out of the window as well. “Tea is nice though.” You add in, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Hm. I can see that too,” he hums as he pulls you closer into his side. 

So much can change in such little time. You’ve experienced this many times in one life. How one day can open a new door to a path otherwise not taken. Showing Sunghoon more of you has made him bloom into a larger ray of light. He seems more comfortable, and now you’ve become the awkward one. 

The ride to the city doesn’t normally take this long, or at least you don’t think it does. Every second with him by your side makes the experience feel brand new. The theme of time being unreal is common with him, you’ve discovered. It’s when you’re in the bookstore and see a holiday sale that you realize it’s not even June anymore. 

While Sunghoon looks for books for his upcoming college semester, you find yourself in genre sections you never really cared for before. The dark and racy ones were fun to bring home, sure. But innocent, cliche romance was always something cringey to you. Now if you change your perspective to that of research then it’s less daunting, right? Perhaps you’d make sense of all the things you’re discovering about yourself and him. Yeah, that’s convincing enough. 

He teases you at the checkout counter when he sees what you picked out. Your face flushes in embarrassment and you can’t even bite back at him or defend your choices. So you smack him with the book on the way out while he laughs and makes jokes that aren’t very funny. 

The two of you do manage to catch a movie. You honestly didn’t care to see one, but having to sit silently in a theater for at least an hour and half seemed like enough time for him to, hopefully, forget and drop the whole book situation. It’s a summer slasher film. A group of teens go camping and the plot is very ‘who done it’ style. Overall, it’s a fun choice. You have your turn to laugh and joke when Sunghoon gets jumpy or scared. 

After the movie, you both end up at the cafe Sunghoon mentioned while on the bus. There was something painfully intimate about everything today. But especially sitting down to eat with him. Not even your mother could meet you at the table anymore. 

“You seem softer today,” Sunghoon states, setting his half-drunk coffee down. “Almost nervous. Is it because we’re out together for our first date? Or just the people in general?” 

You raise a brow at his brazen curiosity and observation. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me,” you play with your fork to move around the barely touched food in front of you. “Or maybe it’s a bit of both.” 

“If you come to the city enough to know sign language for the man who watches your bike, do you like it better than the countryside?” 

“Don’t know. I’m used to the quiet life, but leaving it behind and pretending it’s not there is nice too.” 

“What keeps you there?” 

“The scenery. The air. The lake. Being friends with the animals.” You look up from the plate to Sunghoon who is watching you like a lecture: attentive and learning. “I’m not very good with people, so I think it suits me alright.” 

“You’re good with me though,” he argues softly.

“No, not really. I wish I was more like everyone else,” you inhale deeply as your eyes wander around the bustling cafe. There’s a choir of laughter, conversations, and social dynamics you would have to study to master. “If I were a good person, everything would be easier.” 

“...but I like you as you are,” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear, watching you shift in your seat. He doesn’t think you’re not a good person, and it hurts that you see yourself as such. 

As Sunghoon speaks, there’s a chime that follows as the front door of the cafe is swung open. A disheveled man stumbles inside, heavy feet stomping the tile floor to attempt to stabilize his disorientation. The man burps obnoxiously loud, and many eyes find him with the grand entrance. 

He scratches at his lengthy, unkept beard as he looks around. When his sunken eyes find you sitting at the table nearby his eyes grow wide and his mouth falls open. His hand shakes with a pointed finger in your direction, “y-you! The girl from the reverend’s sermon!” He’s loud, capturing the attention of everyone now. His sloppy movements make way towards you and Sunghoon; you feel everything within you freeze, and your heart knocks at your chest fast and hard with anxiety.  

He slams his hands on the table, causing your plates and drinks to rattle. He reeks badly of alcohol and his crazed eyes never leave yours. You swallow thickly, fight or flight mode still trying to understand the situation before you. Meanwhile Sunghoon, worried and confused, slowly begins to stand up and grab your bags. 

But you, you’re frozen staring at the messy man who talks of your greatest hate. Your hands tremble on the table. 

“I thought the reverend made you up for stories, but my God! You’re the real living thing just like the pictures; his only sin,” he laughs boisterously in your face and you try not to gag. “I saw him a little whiles earlier, ya know,” his voice goes quieter, it’s taunting even. You wish to remain calm but your eyes tremble and a frown takes your face. “I should go find him and tell him you’re here. He really-”

Sunghoon takes your hand, practically dragging you away from the table. You almost fall from your seat, like a baby deer just learning to walk, there’s little strength to your legs. 

“It’s not too late! You can be on the right side of things!” his voice ricochets off the walls of the now quiet cafe. “If I can be saved by his preaching, so can you! Look at me!” His mad laughter follows you and Sunghoon outside. 

Sunghoon watches you stand on uneasy feet, zoned out staring at the sidewalk. It didn’t take much to put the pieces together that the drunken man was talking about your father. Your father being a reverend who’s not in the picture gave him much to wonder about, but now isn’t the time. He just wanted to get you somewhere away from this memory. 

He crouches down in front of you. You slowly blink back to reality, now looking down at his back. You don’t want to speak so you poke his shoulder in questioning.

“Hop on. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“What if I’m heavy?” you look at the bags he’s already holding, feeling that you too are a burdened weight he doesn’t need to hold. 

“I’ve got good muscles, remember? Good for farm work,” he’s patient and calm with you while his eyes watch the man from outside the glass cafe windows. “Come on, baby.”

Without thinking, you end up on his back. He carries you on his back, strong arms holding your legs while yours are loosely around his neck. Your insides are a flared up hurricane but at least that allows your body to forget the empty ache you left at the cafe. With your chin hooked over his shoulder, you watch the many people and downtown stores that pass by.

Sunghoon doesn’t exactly know where he’s walking, but thinks it’s best to end the day here and return you to the bus stop. He’s never seen that look on your face before—the one you had when the man was loud in your face. He didn’t like it, and he’s sure you hated it. You looked intimidated, or afraid. 

“Would you kill him for me?” you watch the side of his face, “the reverend, I mean.” 

He stops in his tracks and turns his head to look back at you, “w-what? I can’t kill someone… and you should joke like that.” he panics, looking around to see if someone was listening to the wild conversation and request.

“Yeah, I know. I’m fucking with you,” you look away to hide your smirk, “and only half joking.”

“Did you believe him before?” He starts walking again, but this time at a slower pace knowing the bus stop isn’t too far now. 

“Who? My dad or Our Father?” There’s a use of air quotes at the end of your question. 

“Both?” his head tilts. 

“Neither,” you confirm. There’s a pause for thought and Sunghoon waits for you to further explain. “My relationship with both is too similar. They’ve both known me my whole life, right? Seen all of my wrong doings and in return shown wrath through unnecessary punishments called forgiveness. In what good world is tolerance violent?”

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

“Sometimes, after my mother set the table for dinner, he would knock my plate to the floor. Tell me to eat off the ground like the animal I was or starve.” Sunghoon frowns at this, coming to a slow stop when he sees the bus shelter bench. “Sometimes I had days and nights locked in the barns, but he switched it up to the basement when I was too close with the animals.” You laugh a little, but he senses the pain behind it. “I watched him kill the animals, too, only to smother me in their blood. Beatings were rare, but I think only because he despised the thought of even touching me.”

Sunghoon slowly sets you down to the ground and breathes out your name safely, taking your hands into his. He looks at you with sorrow, like he was the one who endured it with you. 

“God’s orders, am I right? My father, the church goers, speak of God like they’ve seen his face and heard his voice, but they haven’t. I would’ve by now too.” 

If He was really in everything, all around, why did He always turn a blind eye? Why does He pretend to not know you? It only made it harder to believe in—something that would bring you here, torture you then watch you suffer for not living how it pleases. God wants to be believed in, but so do you. Only you would never beg for compassion. 

Sunghoon squeezes your hands in his, “I don’t think you should stay there. You never deserved that… even if you’re volatile and strange… because you’re also kind and caring. It’s why I like you. It’s their fault for not seeing that,” he reassures. “I haven’t been through what you have, and I can’t understand. I-I mean I can try to, ya know… it’s not like I’d leave if I didn’t.” His words begin to stumble nervously, not confident in its sympathy reaching you where needed.

You laugh nervously, trying to tug your hands away from his grip that doesn’t let up. “Okay sure whatever, this is really embarrassing now…” You swallow hard and find difficulty in meeting his eyes. 

That’s all that matters, what he said to you, but you didn’t have it in you to say it. He already knows it though, smiling small and holding your hands still. Without words or excessive displays he can still see it in your eyes, the subtle comfort of acceptance. 

He could never blame you for your nature. He sees your anger as you just trying to be strong all while being sad. Whether you are his lover or executioner, he would accept you as you are every time with open arms, receiving hands. Even more readily, now.

　Even more time has passed since knowing Sunghoon. Summer has never flown by so fast. The calendar doesn’t exist to you anymore. It’s only the days you see him and the days that you don’t. The season will be wrapping up in the next few weeks, but only for him. He has to return to his regular scheduled routine of pursuing education while you will stay here, on the farm. It’s rare for you to feel this emotion: fear. You are scared of losing him. And the concept is something you do your best to avoid thinking about because it makes your skin itch with anxiety. It crawls over you like something that needs to be cut out. 

And then an idea hits you. Something far more deep-seated than everything else you’ve done with Sunghoon that would solidify that this summer is real and yours. Something that will always stay; a reminder that good things are possible despite how the world has made you. 

It’s a damn near perfect day. The sun is so bright, and only peers down onto you both through the gaps of the trees. It’s just warm enough. Just quiet enough aside from the sound of Sunghoon’s gentle breathing and natural composition of the nature that surrounds. Rustling of leaves, chirps of birds, and scurrying of whatever life that wishes to not be seen. 

You both sit criss cross at the wooden dock by the lake, simply enjoying the scenery and all it has to offer. His large knee is affixed to yours. If this was early June, you would have moved away. But now it’s a week into August and you wouldn’t have it anywhere else. Just like you always imagined, and secretly wanted, the view is nicer with someone else. 

He didn’t bother asking why you never brought him here before, or why it is that you chose to now. He’s just happy that you decided to at all. 

You slip a hand into your boot and pull out a pocket knife. You flick it open and do a brief inspection of the cleaned blade. The sun glints off the metal as you turn it. 

“Sunghoon, do you trust me?” 

His eyes flicker from your blank face to the blade. He nods slowly with a swallow, “of course.” There’s a subtle apprehension to him. You hand him the small blade and leave your palm facing up, open to him. 

“Cut a diagonal line down my hand,” you point and draw a line down the middle of your palm. 

“Huh, seriously?” he takes the blade confused and concerned with what you’re asking of him. “Why? I can’t hurt you.”

“Do it. Don’t think of it as hurting me, but still do it deep enough to leave a scar.” 

He struggles to understand the situation, but you’re so serious and clearly waiting for him to do as you asked. He exhales deeply, taking your hand in his while the other holds the knife just above the bared skin. Hesitant and slow, the tip of the knife pressed down into your flesh. You wince a little, which makes him pause. You nod, encouraging him to continue and he does despite hating the act. He slices the palm of your hand open just as you wanted. You hate blood, but it’s not so bad when caused by him.

“Shit, it stings,” you swallow through the pain. The feel of open flesh burning and stinging. “Your turn,” you exhale while taking the knife back with your free, unharmed hand. 

“My turn,” he agrees as if all logic has left him and readily displays his palm to you. Deep down, he feels guilty for hurting you, so to make it even he wants to feel the same.

Just as hesitant and careful, you create a matching wound in his hand. A deep enough, bleeding, lesion in his left hand to match  your right one. He cringes at the sight and the pain before looking back to your face. Your expression is so soft yet attentive, almost awestruck. 

“Even when you hurt me you’re gentle,” he remarks, watching you in amazement with a meek smile. 

“I am not gentle. I have sullied you,” you remind him, your eyes attempt to glare but they’re too bright in his. 

“In the softest way, why?” His voice is delicate and still like the lake that sits before you. You blink slowly at him because there are no words to be found. He continues, “I never thought of you as a bad person,” he pauses as you drop the red stained knife, unsure if he should continue at first but does regardless. “And, uhm, I’ve thought a lot about this summer. What I've learned from you. Purity is constructive—like something made to bring shame.” You don’t move, watching him. “I don’t have to be clean to be good…and your hands never made me dirty. Because they never were either.” 

Like an excavator to your tall, strong built walls Sunghoon has knocked your shield down. The facade of your character is breaking down, crumbling into the broken pieces that made it. A single tear escapes your eye and runs down your cheek. It’s rare for you to cry and you’re disgusted with the reality as to why it’s now that you break. Simply falling apart from kind words. 

You try to use everything in you to ignore the heat in your body, to show the anger you think you’re feeling inside. So your eyes remain sharp and strong, boring into his, as they still water. You swallow the dry lump in your throat and without a word, you take his hand into yours to join in a mix of blood. 

At first, you had one goal; one similar to murder. The sparkle he had in his eyes, you wanted to eat—to make them empty—and see the world ugly and godless like you. Yet somehow, somewhere along the way, his eyes shone even brighter. You only wanted to take and take of the innocent boy, but in this moment you realize, maybe I just wanted to give him some of me. 

You wipe the wet drop away from your face with haste, pretending as if it was never there. Whatever blood oath you’re making with Sunghoon allows you to feel something indescribable. You don’t know if it’s deserved, but you smile anyways. Because the indescribable feeling feels like it’s an unknown, unspoken promise. 

He’s seen you smile before with insidious malice, but this time, for the first time, you are really smiling. It’s a raw expression of surfacing emotions, and he returns the emotion like the sun. He thought of you beautiful before but with your brightness finally peering through your clouds, he believes you to be heaven sent. A part of him always wanted to see you cry—usually it was him with tears in his eyes; which is funny, because he wasn’t much of a cryer himself. You just had that way of breaking him down. He knows now he does for you too. And he can tell that you’re probably the type of person who needs to cry the most. 

His hand squeezes yours tighter, a grip so loving, as you bind in one. Neither of your eyes or smiles leave each other until the bleeding stops. 

　A week later, Sunghoon asks you on a date. The summer fair is in town. It’s something like a festival where all the locals from towns around the city come to visit and join in on festivities from carnival games, rides, food, and uncommon entertainments. You think of being mean, denying him the acceptance of the date, but you have always wanted to go. So you said yes without your words: took his scarred hand in yours and nodded. 

The evening sky is a watercolor of warm tones as the sun begins to lay down for the night. The bright lights of the fair illuminate the large open field turned carnival. There’s a sea of people here tonight, and although it makes you nervous inside, having Sunghoon by your side makes the ordeal easier to handle. 

The line for the ticket booth is lengthy but it passes by. You approach the booth, standing a little behind Sunghoon who takes out his wallet to buy your entrance wristband passes and tickets. You look around at the many people: families, friends, and couples, all immersed in their own experience as the music and sounds blend in the background of conversations. 

“Oh wow! You’re really handsome,” the girl at the ticket booth gawks at Sunghoon. She straightens her posture and fixes her hair from her face, “one ticke-?”

Catching this, you step forward and snatch Sunghoon’s wallet from his hands, “he already knows that. Do your job or I’ll feed you to pigs.” You slap the cash amount for what you need down onto the table top with a straight face and mean eyes. 

Her eyes go wide and she hushes an apology, quickly giving you both wristbands and tickets for the evening. She even threw in extra tickets as you stared her down. 

Sunghoon watches you with a flushed face, even the tips of his ears burn red at your jealous threat. You both walk off into the fair, a sheepish smile on his face as he leads you through the crowd with an arm wrapped around your back and hand to your waist. 

“Was that one of your jokes too?” he grins down at you.

“Nope,” you glance at him with a small smile. You weren’t sure what came over you in the moment, but it was something internally deep, and territorial. An innate reaction to someone trying to appeal to something that belongs to you. It felt ugly and you didn’t like it. 

The idea that he could possibly be taken from you was a phenomenon you’ve thought of for a while now. Knowing he has an existing life outside you, outside of this summer, that he would return you made you sick. You’re far from perfect, or the right thing for him, and he could find a safer option if he ever pleased. Pushing the thoughts away is harder than you imagine, so you cling to his side even more. 

You and Sunghoon use up your spare tickets for carnival games. You toss rings around bottles, shoot water guns into the mouth of a clown frame, and throw darts at balloons. The both of you aren’t very skilled at any of the games, but it's fun enough to enjoy the time without winning a prize to show for it. 

Eventually, Sunghoon does find frustration within the ‘rigged’ set up of the games. He even pulls out his wallet for cash when the tickets are gone. You’re surprised at how competitive he is; his determined nature is something that stirs your insides around. You don’t know if you’ve ever smiled so much in your life. 

After 3 rounds of throwing a ball to knock over a moving target, he does manage to win. Going 3 for 3 and not missing a single shot. The excitement you feel when he succeeds takes over and you’re proud, doing little jumps in place and clapping your hands together. 

“You did it! You won!” you exclaim, hugging onto his side. 

He can only smile down at your joyfulness. A fire burns in his heart and he hugs you back, kissing your forehead. “All for you. Which prize do you want?” 

“It’s yours, you should pick it,” you blush, elbowing his side with a shy smile while your eyes keep looking up to the stuffed white lamb with a lace ribbon around its neck and a cushion gold bell adoring the throat. 

Of course, that’s the prize he ends up choosing. It might not be Saint Michael the stuffed bear, but it’s something far happier, cleaner, and softer. 

The stuffed animal never leaves your hold throughout the rest of the evening. It rides the many rides you and Sunghoon do. And sits at the picnic table with you both as you share fair snacks. Popcorn and cotton candy was never so sweet for either of you. Like contentment melting on your tongues. 

Cliche as ever, Sunghoon wants to end the night there with a round on the ferris wheel. The line moves quickly and when it’s your turn to step into the carriage, he takes your hand and sits you down the seat next to him. 

It moves slowly and rocks back and forth with shaky movements that have you gripping the side handles. With an arm around your shoulder, he holds you close to him. The array of flickering colorful lights and people below you feels almost magical. 

Taking your eyes from the heightened difference between you and the ground, you look back to the boy beside you who is already looking at you. The reflection of rainbow luminescence glistens in his eyes. It’s even prettier than the view from the top of the little world you’re in. You give him a shy smile, finding it impossible to look away. 

He says your name in a whisper, taking your chin between your fingers. “Thank you for choosing to let me in.” 

Confused and wide eyed, you watch him lean into your face. You gasp when his lips meet yours before returning the notion. With eyes closed, you melt into his kiss. It’s sweet as all the things you’ve experienced today because of him. 

It’s also as clumsy and messy as a kiss can be for two people who’ve never done so before. However, human nature and desire take over and ease the rest for you both. Lips move over another in a gentle waltz, careful and slow. 

And as if the situation couldn’t get anymore cliche, fireworks light up the sky. At first you thought it was just your imagination and all the books you’ve read flooding your consciousness, but the booming sounds and cheers of the crowd are too loud to not be real. 

You pull away from him first, and he’s already wearing a shit eating grin so wide that you can’t help but roll your eyes, fighting the urge to smile back at him. Your face burns in both embarrassment and adrenaline from the kiss. 

After that, you don’t leave the city like you should. The bus takes you both back downtown but neither you or Sunghoon feel it’s time for goodbye. So, for the first time, he takes you back to his apartment. You’ve never been to anybody else's home before, and it’s nerve wracking to say the least. The complex is large and somewhat modern, housing many of the second and third year private college students.

When you step inside, it’s quite plain but at least clean. You’re immediately greeted by a boy shorter than Sunghoon. He has a big mouth smile and shining dark eyes. His hair is shaggy but it suits him. He’s practically bouncing on his toes. You shift yourself behind Sunghoon and hold onto his shirt, hiding slightly from the excited puppy-like roommate. 

“How did it go? Oh, and nice to finally meet you,” he rambles out quickly, “I’m Jake. The best friend and roommate. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He shoots Sunghoon a wink before grinning back at you. He extends a hand for you to shake but you don’t reach out. Something about his eyes doesn’t sit right with you. 

“She’s shy,” Sunghoon laughs a little as he guides you past Jake and towards his room. “It was fun though. I recommend going before it’s gone.”

“Ah, you got yourself a nice little angel, huh?” Jake leans over the kitchen island, watching you both. His smile falters. “I’ll have one of my own some day.” For some reason, you think of him as a secret pervert.

Sunghoon laughs his comment off and tells Jake goodnight before showing you to his room. His room is neat and as simple as a college boy’s room can be. A bed, desk, dresser, closet, and bathroom. One poster of a musician you’ve never listened to and a window with unopened blinds. 

You sit yourself at the end of his bed and he sits down next to you. There’s some awkward silence as you look around, unsure of what you’re supposed to do. He feels similarly to your internal dilemma. 

“I-I’ve never had-”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off. Of course he’s never had a girl over. And of course you’ve never been over to a boys house. 

“Are you tired?” he asks, and you lie by nodding your head. So you both get ready for bed. He gives you a shirt to borrow for bed that change into in his bathroom while he changes into sweats and a t-shirt in his room. 

In minutes you’re both laying in his bed under the covers and staring up at his ceiling in the dark room. Not a word is said as you both lay there wide awake and untouching. But you know he’s wanting to by the way his body is shifting and turning, inching closer with every minute movement. 

And before you know it, although expected, his body is nestled closely to yours. His arms wrap around you, pulling you into an embrace. For the most part, he usually does keep his space. Knowing how you are when it comes to physical touch that feels too sudden or invading. But with barriers breaking down more over time, he thinks you’re learning to handle the comfort better. 

“I thought you were tired?” he mumbles, head on your shoulder. His hands trace up and down your arms that are wrapped around yourself like a guard. 

“I lied,” you whisper. Your eyes can’t look at him yet, so they remain aimless to the ceiling. Some moonlight slips through his cracked window blinds, giving you enough view of the spinning ceiling fan. 

“I had fun today. Mostly because you did. I like seeing you happy,” he smiles after kissing your shoulder that’s exposed in the neckline of his shirt too big for you. “And… I liked when you kissed me back,” his voice is quiet and shy-like. 

“Do you want to do it again?” Your eyes shift to him and you can barely see the warm flush to his cheeks. He’s cute. 

Taken aback at first, he just blinks at you with a parted mouth. Then he nods his head slowly, licking over his lips. 

You turn over onto your side to face him and his hands don’t leave your waist. Unsure of what to do with your own, you wrap them around his neck. Good thing they sit behind him and it’s dark in the room because it would kill you for him to notice the slight tremor in your fingers. 

With a scarily racing heart and stiff, trembling body you surge forward to kiss him. His lips are quick to capture yours. Soft and pillow-like, they mold into yours in waves. What starts off as clumsy and unskilled turns into hunger. Something desperate and needy. His grip feels bruising to your hips but in a nice way. In a way you want it to hurt more. 

His nails digging further into your flesh to keep you impossibly close make your lips gasp, or maybe it’s the lack of air, or just both. And instinctively his tongue is licking its way past your lips and into your mouth. He kisses you like he’s starved for it. His wet tongue drags over yours, and your teeth, then as far as it can inside of you. He whimpers, pressing his already hard cock to you as he licks and kisses you open. 

Your stomach has never burned this way before, and you feel the hot sensation all over then down to your core that aches like it’s hungry too. You feel disgusted by yourself but can’t fight the hum you make as you devour him right back. You’re getting wetter every second he’s in your mouth. 

This time, he pulls away first. Panting for air and staring at you with glazed over dark eyes. He licks over his wet lips again, savoring the taste of you on himself. He bites down onto it and a part of you wishes it was you he sunk his teeth in. 

“Can I do what I did last time?” he breathes out, his hips involuntarily jerking up against you at the thought alone. 

While trying to act like you’re not catching your breath too, you say quietly, “do whatever you want.” 

He kisses you again but with more desperation. You try to do the same but you can feel your heart and your head preparing for battle. The way he’s feeling you up and grinding himself on you is in no way unwanted, and that’s part of the reason you’re struggling to maintain presence. 

It’s so much happening so quickly, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t imagine this happening eventually. Sex was inevitable. The way his body yearns to be one with yours makes you feel special almost. He’s already engraved into you but in his mind he has to be inside of you and it hurts so badly how you think the same. 

But is the last thing that keeps him pure really yours to take? You’ve stripped so much away from him for all the wrong reasons before and now it feels strange. You are no good and that’s all he is. 

The only thing keeping you here, in the moment, is him. His exploratory and gentle yet rough hands, his body grinding into you, his lips that can’t leave yours or your skin for even a second, and the weak wanting sounds that leave them. 

“I need more, please. I want- I need to feel good with you. Please,” he’s whining into your ear. Then pressing kisses along your jaw and neck that are all so tender, slow, and deliberate. Large hands caress you like you’re breakable, as if not already just a body of fragmented pieces made whole and called a person. 

Your still shaking hand reaches down between your two bodies and slips past his sweats. He had the nerve to go commando and you wish you could tease him, but you can’t. You’re lucky you’re even here right now and breathing his air. Your hand wraps around his aching length and gives him a few tugs to which he’s quick to moan. He kicks off his sweatpants while you bring him closer to you. The plush of your thighs trap him; he whimpers against the soft heat of your flesh. 

Your hips grind up into him once, showing him what he should do too. He’s slow to start, rocking himself between your thighs. Slutty and hopeless sounds leave him in a string of his want. His leaking hard cock is so close to your core. Only the thin layer of your underwear keeps him from feeling your clear need for him too. 

Wrapped in each other's arms, you bury your head to his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his aching desire rubbing and grinding against you. It makes you shiver in sensitivity and cower further into his neck. You don’t bite down onto your lip, but his neck. There’s a sting to your eyes because you hate it—the wet warmth that pools out of you. Your sin sticks to your underwear and your skin like the red raining life of all the animals you made leave the earth; your haunting subconscious correlates with your growing pleasure. 

You know you’re not religious yet every time Sunghoon touches you there’s a divinity to it and it makes your hands want to join in prayer to thank the universe for sending someone like him to you. Because his hands roam your body as if they have in every world; as if there is not one timeline where you have not been made for him. Like you were carved from his rib every time. 

Your body smolders in that angry way it always did whenever Sunghoon got too close to you. Whenever his words were too kind, his touch too gentle, or god forbid when he just smiled at you. That fire is just the divine nature of your relationship, lighting up everywhere he touches and leaving flames in the wake. You thought it was your body rejecting his purity, but you were only denying the likeness. He made you feel good. And in the most ironic way possible. You just didn’t think you deserved it. 

Yet an anguished moan leaves you, rumbling against his skin as you bite down harder. Regardless of it all, he is yours right now. 

The feeling of your sinking teeth in him, the sounds you’re now making, and the damp heat between your legs he can’t stop chasing all makes his head spin. He bites down onto you just the same and it only makes you moan louder. 

“Please,” he’s whining again through the bite. His voice a needy tremble while his hips stutter and thrust between your legs that only squeeze tighter together. The way the fat of your legs hug his raging cock through his desperate grinds makes him chase more and more for that feeling he just can’t seem to reach. The crying tip kisses and pushes up then past your leaking folds every time. It drives you both insane. 

If your body is the fiery lake of creation's deepest pit, then he is the cleanest ocean of earth’s highest point. If anyone could extinguish you, and possibly make you feel whole, it was Sunghoon. 

This is the most horrifying reality you’ve come face to face with. Not just intimacy, but a stronger driving emotion. You have to open yourself, rip open your chest and bare your beating heart in all its naked vulnerability. Let it scream out I like being with you. You have allowed this person into your world that nobody else has dared to step foot in. To see you in such ugly ways yet still extend their arms for you. It’s a terrifying level of closeness that you’ve never once experienced and you don’t know what to do with. You’re beyond perplexed by what he’s done to you, in both terror and awe.  

You pull back from Sunghoon and he pauses everything for a moment to look at you, noticing your wet eyes. Before he can ask what’s wrong you reach down and slip off your underwear. You shift your body and maneuver him as best you can until he’s on top of you. Rattled with concealed embarrassment you remove his shirt and toss it somewhere to the floor, and he does the same. 

You take a deep breath and reach back down to his cock, lining it up with your pussy. You blink and swallow away all the things trying to stop you from allowing yourself him. Pliant beneath him, you grab his shoulders and pull him down to you for a quick kiss. Foreheads now pressed together with lips ghosting over the others, you tell him, “I hate you.” 

Sunghoon only smiles down at you before kissing you once more. With his arms caged around you, he slowly pushes himself forward. The fat tip of his cock fails to go through you, only sliding up and past the wet folds. He whines feeling the warm slick coat the head; his entire body shudders. He nearly cums from that alone. 

He looks at you confused, and nod once while trying to shift your hips around for a better angle. It’s not like you to be so quiet during things like this. It only tells him that for once, you’re nervous about new things the way he was. 

So he tries again, this time a little rougher. He thrusts his hips forward, the tip pushing past the tight walls but still barely in. You whimper at the intrusion and the feeling of you being stretched open. Your hands squeeze hold onto his biceps for purchase. 

The tight sensation of your pussy squeezing his tip feels otherworldly to him. He can’t help but need to sink deeper into you. His cock pushes in further at an agonizing pace until he’s as deep as he can possibly go. His arms shake while he tries to maintain his strength and keep himself from collapsing onto you completely. The wet walls that surround him flutter and try to pull him further inside, making him feel lightheaded. His moans are so needy it’s almost like he’s crying from the feeling. 

“Oh, f-fuck!” you whimper. Having Sunghoon completely inside of you feels so full. You’re stuffed with him and it hurts so good. “You gotta move, Hoon. Feels like you’re splitting me open.”

“You're so tight, mm.” His hips stutter from your words alone and he whimpers again. He pulls himself out halfway while your gummy walls kiss around him in an attempt to suck him back to be filled again. He begins to rock himself in and out of you. It’s inexperienced and awkward, but he gets the hang of it quickly. Doing what feels best for him and what seems to be the best for you too. 

“I hate you. I fucking hate you,” you whisper harshly, looking up at him with tear filled eyes. It all burns while feeling like heaven. Never have you been so full, held so gently, or seen than this summer. You bite back the breaking moans and whimpers. You claw at his skin. You even begin to cry when your hips can’t stop chasing his thrusts. 

“I love you too,” he whispers back. A kiss is pressed to your forehead as his cock pistons you. Sunghoon is smart enough to know you’re a liar. Your mean words that used to hurt him, he now understands. You’re not really a bad person. And you don’t hate him. You were just really damaged and if he’s damned for trying to heal that then he’s fine with that too. 

“I mean it,” your body shudders, feeling his tip pound so far and deep in places inside you that you didn’t know reachable. His fat cock drags out and forces through your tight hole, making you cream all over him more and more. The sounds that leave your body, the sounds your bodies are making, it’s so obscene. Fighting off the disgust and focusing on how he makes you feel is war. It’s so hard for you to win. 

“No you don’t,” he shifts himself to sit on his knees, taking your legs and wrapping them around his waist. He leans forward and kisses both of your cheeks before fucking himself into you again, only harder and faster than before. 

“Ngh,” you moan again through broken sobs, blinking away the tears as you stare up at him. “I’m t-trying to.” 

“I know, baby.” he mumbles before capturing your wobbling lips into a searing kiss. “It’s okay, haah, don’t cry. You’re good. You’re so good for me,” he says against your wet lips. You can only sniffle and try to turn your head away from him in your embarrassment. “No, no.” he takes your chin with his thumb and finger, forcing you to look back at him. His thrusts never letting up during his care. “Look at me. You’re so good to me.” He reminds you over and over. “We’re so good together. I’m yours. you’re mine.” 

“Say it again,” you sniffle through little sounds of sin. Your hand finds a place on his cheek, and your thumb rubs over his lips that wear a smile. 

“You’re so good, good for me. We are so good together. I am yours. And you are mine,” he says softly. His eyes are so filled with love, and if you could see your reflection in his then you would know yours are too. “Say you’re good, baby, it’s okay.”

“I’m good,” you sob through your whimpers, “I’m yours.”

To Sunghoon, the idea of sex was always sacred. Something that’s only done and shared between lovers bound by marriage of the church. But now, he thinks differently. He knows that there is no shame in him loving you now or years later. And he was more than happy to make love to you all night until you believed it too. 

　Perhaps there was a thing such as divine intervention and if God’s timing was alway right, he knew how to be evil with it too. Because the next day, when Sunghoon takes you home, he’s met with your maker. 

Your mother, aware of the frequent trips you’ve been making and how close you’ve grown to the summer farmhand boy, is quick to make a call to your father the night you don’t return home. It wasn’t necessarily because she cared for your well being. You’re more than capable of handling yourself. But it was an excuse to try and get him to come back. Only it doesn’t go how she wanted.

When you see the reverend’s car parked in front of your house, your heart drops. Sunghoon picks up on your tension, He sees how you go blank at the sight and slowly turn back into the empty girl he met months ago. He tries to hold your hand but your fingers can’t move, can’t return the embrace. 

When the reverend walks out of the house with his infamous weapon of sacrificial forgiveness, you know what to do. Your body moves on its own, leaving Sunghoon to reach out for you that walks towards the woods. He goes to follow you and the desolate man that stalks behind, but your mother stops him. She’s hysterical as she drags him towards your house saying, “it’s going to be okay.” But she’s crying. 

Once out of their sight, the reverend takes you by the hair. He yanks your head around, pulling you towards that cursed tree. He’s uncharacteristically rough and your scalp screams for a release but you don’t show it. You don’t even look at the man. Not even when he’s tossing your body to the ground. 

“So you’re whoring around with my employees now, huh? Was ruining this farm not enough for you?” His words mean nothing to you. You dust off the dirt and go to stand again, but he kicks you back down. You tsk under your breath as he speaks again, “I’ve seen all the things you’ve done. Seen you leave my barns with red hands and smile. Cut heads off chickens like an anatomy project. Is he next? That church boy?” 

Now you look up to glare at him. Seeing the reverend was aggravating enough, but to say something about Sunghoon was infuriating to you. “I am not a killer. You are! And those animals were already dead.” You spit at his black leather church shoes. 

“Oh, you disgusting little devient,” he laughs lowly, untying the rope from the tree. “Your cruelty shouldn’t bring you joy. Sick and twisted, I should’ve dealt with you sooner regardless of what your drunk bitch mother protested. I can save the boy when you’re gone.” 

“What?” you shuffle backwards from him, angry and confused as he stalks closer to you until you’re backed against the tree. “All those things I did was because of you. Your righteousness made me rotten!” Your hands shake, gripping at the dirt ground for anything to make the fear stop. You glance up to the empty tree branch then the rope in his hands. Where is the lamb? You think briefly before it hits you. “You’re crazy,” you whisper, “I will not be your martyr… not now what I’m finally-”

“Condemn me to Hell for all I care,” he crouches down in front of you, “This is the last time I’ll be a killer.” He throws the rope to your lap and tells you to tether yourself. 

“Why do you hate me?” The words scratch at your throat. When you were younger, you did want the reverend to hate you. It was when he noticed you most, and it’s all you really knew. But now you’re older, and his disdain never made sense. 

You can’t bring yourself to move even if you wanted to. Was this His plan? To allow you one good thing in life before ending it? Was ruining Sunghoon your final sin? 

The rope shakes with your fingers as you stare down at it. The twine of the rope burns over the palm of your hand where Sunghoon carved his promise. Your throat feels dry, tight and suffocating; choking on everything you’ve ever done. And your eyes still puffy from the night before well with tears all over again. 

“I just do,” he thinks of slicing your neck open right there. So fuck tying you down, you were always secretly another lamb anyways. He raises his knife and the metal sits cold under your chin as he lifts your head up to look back at him. 

“Okay…” you swallow. 

Your eyes squeeze shut and so does your mouth, as you raise your head to the sky with an exposed throat. Why isn’t this easy? Unlike the animals, you do know what’s coming. And it’s scary. Scary not because of death, but because you aren’t ready. You haven’t told Sunghoon goodbye or that you love him back. And the thought of him finding something in this world to hate, is such an ugly feeling to die with. 

And then there’s a loud noise. A booming bang, followed by unsteady feet falling back and the ground rumbling with a thud. 

You open your eyes and your father is on his back clutching his abdomen. He coughs and gasps before raising his hand. It’s dripping in deep red. And you can’t help but smile with tears in your eyes as you exhale a jagged breath.

You turn your head and Sunghoon stands there with the shotgun in hand, open mouthed and wide eyed. 

“Sunghoon!” you scramble to your feet and run over to him, taking the gun from his hands as he’s frozen in shock. 

“H-he was going to- he was about to hurt you. I had to-!” he stutters, his eyes already crying and hands shaking, still feeling the weight and recoil of the gun. 

“It’s okay,” you coo softly. “Just- go back to the house and I’ll be right there, okay?” You rush out. Still in shock and dazed, he blindly trusts you and does as you say. 

When he’s no longer close by, you walk over to the reverend with a blank face. You stare down at him as he tries to crawl away, dirty and bleeding. The smile you make doesn’t reach your eyes. 

You point the gun back down at him, and place your foot over the shot wound Sunghoon created. The man gasps and tries to swat at your leg but you only press the gun further into his face, making him surrender. 

“Divine intervention, huh? Say it with me now. I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your voice is quiet, calm, and mocking of his tone. With the barrel to his forehead, you watch him writhe in pain and cough up a little blood. 

“Go to Hell,” he spits his words like venom. 

“If you say it, I’ll let you live. But if you show your face to me or Sunghoon again, I’ll shoot you right between the eyes.” Your foot presses down harder. You can feel that angry little girl inside of you jumping with joy.. Knowing his God demands to be bled for, and making him know the sacrificial suffering, well it feels good to say the least. “Say it. With me. Now.” Each word pronounced with the growing applied pressure to his shot wound. And then he begs for forgiveness. He’s never seen you smile the way you did when he was below you with those words. Empty eyes were never so alive for him either. He cries and chants ‘I know no punishment, only mercy’ over and over. It was like the most beautiful hymn.

　There wasn’t much to be said about that day. Sunghoon and you just pretend you shared a nightmare. Neither of you talked about it. It was just another thing that tied you together. 

Sitting there in the peak of summer’s heat. A day before Sunghoon returns to college classes. Birds chirp. The leaves of the tall trees thistle in the light breezes that pass by. Sunghoon sits criss crossed and while you have your feet hanging off the edge of the dock, kicking in the water. 

“I’m sorry,” you break the silence. Shocked, he looks over to you. He never would have expected you to apologize for anything. “I was selfish when I approached you. I wanted to take all that goodness out of you and keep it for myself. I thought I wanted to hurt you, but after sharing all this time with you, I realized I was wrong. It’s weird to say it out loud,” you laugh small, awkward, “but I really am sorry. I love you more than even I know.” You stare down to your feet in the water that has gone still. A tear falls from your eye, and down to your cheek. 

“I know. I love you too,” he wraps an arm around your waist. “But now the same sins bind us.” You hiccup silently and turn to look up at him. “Harvest all of my purity, farmer’s daughter.” 

For the first time, you really laugh. It’s bright and loud like the big smile he’s seeing for the first time on his favorite face. It’s morning sunlight that whispers through trees to kiss the forest floor. Birds that sing songs of hope to awake life into a new day. Nostalgic, expansive days of childhood where the concept of time doesn’t exist. To him, you look like the epitome of summer; he doesn’t want this season to end. 

You were never the lamb. Or the wolf. Not an animal at all. Nothing like the ones you grew up with. You were just a girl, scared and alone. But not anymore. Because it’s your last day on this farm, and tomorrow is the first with only Sunghoon. 

“Your humor is poetry.” you continue to laugh until tears prick your eyes all over again. You love it. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny.” he looks away shyly, blushing. It only makes your giggle more, but you stop to press a kiss to his cheek. He blushes harder. 

“I’ll keep doing it, harvesting all of your purity, for as long as you’re good.” you say with a smile. 

“Do you promise? I am always good, especially with you, so it could be a long while.” He bumps your shoulder playfully with a laugh. 

You take his scarred hand in yours and you laugh like he did, pure and true, “I do.”

© fangel ┊ do not copy, repost, modify or translate my content ໒꒱ tysm for reading, ⌗unlearn shame ⌇ taglist @tinycatharsis @simjaexy @leehsngs @511rkive @beomluvrr @jjongsaengzz @slvtella @jaerisdiction @kkamismom12 @rayofsunshineeee @nshmrarki @m3wkledreamy @hanjisbeloved @filmnings @stercul1a @hooniesfvngs @moriwori @sleepyhoon

[flaredpantsagenda]

Hey, again! Sorry it’s been weeks since I messaged you! I meant to reply but I forgot, but I have been looking through music to edit to for you. Do you have any type of edits you specifically like?

Also, I saw your new drawing from last week and its so cute! Love the chaos. I would love to see the comics. Those sound like they’ll be really cool.

My favorite Baek songs are probably Ice Queen, Drown, and Cry for Love. Also, his ballads! I love all of them so much. I think my favorite of those is Is it Me. You?

My favorite looks are definitely from lotto, kokobop, and cream soda era. Wbu?

Ooh I loved Wonder but I think Ordinary Days is definitely my favorite from Expectation. Honestly the whole album was such a vibe. Also, can’t believe he finally left SM!!

Omg you’re a baby-l. How did you like your first full comeback? I bet it was difficult stanning someone and having them go right to the military. I don’t know if I would’ve stayed loyal 💀 But I got into exo in 2016 right around after Lotto. My first comback was for life winter album but my first full comeback was actually kokobop which was honestly the best.

- exol secret santa

Hey!! No worries at all about not messaging, obviously I am also very slow in getting through my inboxes. I hope you've been doing well!

I don't know that I have any specific types of edits I like? I do watch some edits but I guess I don't know as much about different types or the process of making them. If you've already started I'm sure it'll be great!

Great choices all around on Baekhyun songs- I hadn't heard Is It Me but I added it to my morning playlist! My favorites tend to be his poppy ones- Betcha, Privacy, Amusement Park, Take You Home... although Drown and Cry for Love are definitely up there for me also!

And re: looks lotto and kokobop are also definitely top tier for me. I also really adore the fun styling for cbx. and I have a soft spot for the cozy sweater for life looks. I guess everything like 2016-17 era haha

Kyungsoo's album WAS such a vibe. Empathy too. and what a plot twist with his new company good for him!! start the trend of Exos getting out.

I am a baby-L haha. I had so much fun this summer with the comeback. I watched everything like 12 times lol.

Although I don't think I had much of a choice about sticking with them once I found Baekhyun/Exo I was kind of in it haha. But my other fandoms before Kpop were classic rock bands lmao so I'm used to fishing through the archives for content.

Ahh Kokobop what an era to join though I'm so jealous.

And thanks for the nice words about my art 😊 talk soon! <3

[spiritualbambi]

pick a card: first kiss with your future partner

pile 1 -> pile 2 pile 3 -> pile 4

JOIN MY DISCORD

MASTERLIST

MY KOFI

INSTRUCTIONS: breath in, breath out and choose whatever picture that draws you in the most!

NOTE: it’s completely fine if you are attracted to more than one pile - the universe probably wants you to see some other messages. this is also general reading, not everything may resonate! enjoy!

PILE 1

the kiss will happen in a public place, but it feels quite private and secluded. it will occur in a place where people are present or should be present - like a park, a festival of some kind, a street, maybe somewhere nearby a restaurant - just anywhere where people are expected. however, i don't see anyone really bothering you. darkness, dimness are prominent - the place will be definitely poorly lit, there's a huge chance that it will happen in night-time (night sky, moon, stars can be seen).

the kiss will feel life-changing - as if a new chapter in your life has opened, like something shifted both internally and externally. it will be a bit unexpected, definitely not something you were 100% ready for.

you and your person were probably just chatting, and, suddenly, they just decide to kiss you. the kiss won't take too long - but it will be filled with pure emotion and sentiment, since it's what got your future partner acting impulsively. as sudden as they started the kiss, as sudden they will break it - they think it was stupid of them to kiss you just like that. they are definitely afraid that now you are going to leave them / smack them; they are expecting the worst.

and you will be for sure shocked. not that you won't like the kiss - you actually love it. but it's just nothing you have really planned for the day.

after they break the kiss, there is going to a minute of silence, just drop-dead staring into each other's eyes, both trying to figure out how to act next. your partner is shaking in fear, and you are shocked.

the icebreaker will be you. you are going to show that it was not a mistake done. either you will sincerely smile, or pull them into one more kiss, OR both. your person will be EXTREMELY happy inside, like a little child.

this kiss will be definitely meaningful for you somehow. a fateful kiss.

PILE 2

the kiss will be light-hearted and fun. ahh, this warms my heart - it is so pure, it carries the energy of first love. it is fresh like a summer day, strawberries and ice cream.

you and your person could be hanging out - doing some silly stuff like chasing each other, running around, all while laughing. other of you could be having a picnic or an outdoor café date. you are just enjoying the surroundings, the vibe, the weather - everything; it seems like you two find comfort and joy in each other. you two either stop by a tree or by a river, just anywhere to rest OR they are feeding you something - in both scenarios your person acts the same - they quickly place a light kiss on your lips. i don't see you being too surprised - the kiss will feel just right. something that you two have been longing for secretly.

you both won't show too much emotion after it - probably just a giggle or two will be heard, and you will continue to do what you were doing before - either running around, playing or enjoying your food. however, inside both you and your person will be so emotional; you may even feel teary from happiness.

the kiss will carry such a beautiful feeling; even though it seems like it's no big deal at first - it will leave a long-lasting effect. i see both of you coming back home after the hangout and just jumping from joy, kicking legs in the air, going all bonkers in your room.

it is a kiss that will stay in your memory preciously for a long time. it is playful and carefree. an unforgettable kiss.

PILE 3

the kiss will be romantic. it will be intense, deep, and there's nothing innocent about it. it could even lead to something more - a lustful kiss.

both of you seem to have been burdening this strong feeling inside for way too long for some reason, and this kiss will be the payback of all the missed time. it will be quite long and may leave you absolutely breathless. your person might get so into it that you wouldn't be able to break the kiss - they have been definitely waiting for this moment, and they won't let it go just that easily.

the kiss will happen in privacy - in a room, a car or just a well-protected place. it could have been triggered by some other intense emotion relating to a past experience - your partner might have gotten jealous or angry, or you might have gotten frustrated. and boom - any last drops of control explode, and a kiss happens.

for a majority of you this kiss will initiate your first time with this person, especially if you surrender to the power of it.

but others of you, who might get confused with the kiss, will manage to break it and run away "to think it all over". however, this will leave your person with a new awoken feeling of lust and determination - determination to feel and experience more of you. once this kiss happens - it will change your person's actions, mindset and approaches to your "friendship".

you will feel weird (in quite a good way though) after the kiss - you know that this is a next step. this may scare you. you know you can't reverse it, but deeply you don't really want to. you can't stop thinking about what will happen the next day you see this person - you may start avoiding them for a bit. you won't run for long - as i said, they have THE determination in them now.

this kiss is emotion-filled, it is raw, heated and passionate. a powerful kiss.

PILE 4

this is a confusing kiss. in a good way. it has this teenage movie vibe, as if it was a nicely written scene, because it feels realistically unreal.

i see you two hanging out somewhere cosy but also casual: at your home, at their home, in nature or on some random bench. you two having a conversation: you are talking about something so passionately, maybe telling a story or expressing your feelings. your person is listening so carefully, to each of your word; they are so in love with you - you can see it in their gaze. they feel each of your word and emotion themselves.

some of you might even start crying; i don't see your situation being exactly bad - it's just frustrating, and it has brought tears to your eyes. and here your person rushes to comfort you - if you are sitting, they might kneel in front of you, holding your hands while you are continuing to rant. and then suddenly they kiss you - either that's how their mind decided to comfort you more or maybe to finally shut you up and show that they are here for you, or maybe both.

you will appreciate the kiss, nevertheless. they will too. the kiss will be simple but comforting - it feels assuring, almost like home. you will definitely feel like you found a new goal and home, a place you truly belong to.

the two of you are not very surprised about it, since it was deeply known that you have an eye for each other, and this little friendship of yours won't last long. however, you two will feel a little stunned after the kiss, but smile right away. you will forget the story you have been telling; everything suddenly will feel brand new and exciting.

you could either lean into a kiss again or just hug them - both ways the whole situation is so cosily beautiful, just like a movie.

the kiss symbolises a new start, and, most likely, for a new loving relationship. it's a fresh kiss.

[rainbowsky]

GG Request List Part 1

I've been working on this for a while, just slowly gathering these until I had 10 (which is Tumblr's video limit). Here are some of the songs I'd like to see/hear GG perform.

I'm posting it as 'Part 1' because I have every intention of continuing to collect songs I would like to hear him sing and sharing them with you when the list is filled.

Disclaimer: Many of these are in English. Sorry if that offends anyone, but this is my list of what I want to hear him sing, so of course it's going to reflect my tastes, and hearing him sing lyrics I can understand always feels really special for me.

I'm also still fairly new to Chinese music so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage, and I feel wary of choosing songs that offend, or that might not be suitable for social, political or cultural reasons (Nousu son by JIHU, for example, which I absolutely love and think GG's voice would be beautiful for, but might not be culturally appropriate for GG to sing).

So if anything I suggest is inappropriate, my apologies.

In no particular order:

Sam Smith - Lay Me Down

I know we've already seen GG singing this, but I want a live stage performance of this soooooo badly. I think GG's voice would also be perfect for Diamonds, but Lay Me Down is so 💋👌🏻 for GG.

Hozier - From Eden

I absolutely can't get enough of this song (or of Hozier, for that matter). I've often pictured GG singing this song. It's so perfect for his voice, and it has such a nice rhythm and upbeat energy to it. Exuberant and yet with a bit of a dark twist. I'd love to hear him sing something this resonant and large.

Lesie Cheung - The Moon Represents My Heart

This song has so much meaning that is relevant to me as a turtle and as a queer person. Not just the song, but Leslie's singing of it. I feel like it would be a powerful statement for GG to sing this song. I would cry if it ever happened. More on that in this beautiful post from Pie.

Little Mix - Secret Love Song Part 2

This video is heartbreaking. I think every turtle has probably seen this and cried. Why not take it to the next level and hear this song in GG's beautiful voice? I'm not sure how I would ever recover.

Ele Yan - The Last Fireworks of the Summer Night

This song is so emotional and beautiful. GG's voice would be so beautiful here, and the song is so appropriate for him lyrically. It has that perfect balance of sweet and sad. Yearning.

Alyssa Baker - Can't Help Falling in Love With You

This interpretation of the song is so perfect for GG's voice. I melt whenever I think of him singing this. This arrangement is brought into more of a contemporary space, and I think that would fit him and his overall style quite well.

Years & Years - Shine

I really struggled with this choice, because I feel Olly Alexander's singing style would be so interesting with GG's voice, but Olly sings SO MANY breakup songs. As much as I know GG and DD love sad/sour love songs, I could never request a breakup song from GG. I'm not even sure he'd sing it, with his superstitious nature. 😅

Lyrically Starstruck would just be hilarious to hear GG sing, but it's not right for his voice or singing style. However I think Shine would work well for GG, and it is so energetic and upbeat, which is always fun to see from him. If it wasn't a breakup song, I think If You're Over Me would be perfect for GG.

Jay Chou - Return to the Past

This song has such a beautiful bittersweet, anthemic sound to it. GG would suit it so well. There's something of the XNINE vibe to this song, as well, which is probably part of why I think of GG every time I hear it. Would love to hear him sing it.

Leaona Lewis - Run (Snow Patrol Cover)

This take on this song is so amazing. I can totally hear GG's voice when I listen to this. Some of the notes might be out of his range, but OMG, my heart would burst if I could hear him sing this version of the song. A lot of people prefer the original, but to me this version is everything. Her voice, the vocal arrangement... ahh so beautiful.

Zheng Yu - Why Sigh

Zheng Yu's voice is so similar to GG's in tone that listening to it I can easily imagine how beautiful GG's voice would sound. Of course it's reminiscent of MDSZ/CQL as well, but that's not even one of the reasons why I'd like to hear him sing it. If anything it's just that while I like this song, I always feel a bit unsatisfied because it makes me want to hear it in GG's voice.

Here's a YT playlist of the songs from this list.

Like I said, there are more songs to come as I start up part 2.

What would you like GG to sing? Add your thoughts in the notes or via reblog or ask. I'm curious to hear what other people long to hear him sing.

[arvandus]

Congratulations on 1k! I love your writing so much and I’m so glad your getting time to write again. Not sure if u vibe with r&b but for the ficlet I wanna suggest Hitoshi shinso with the song damage by H.E.R.🌝

Ahh, thank you!! I haven't listened to a lot of R&B in decades, but I used to love it back in the late 90s/early 2000s (haha I'm totally dating myself right now). Now I listen to a variety of punk rock, alternative, folk/indie, etc. My tastes have always been diverse though, and I give everything a try at least once! That being said, great choice. Here's your ficlet with Shinsou! <3

Shinsou never had doubts about the kind of man he was. Even when others gave him the side eye when they learned of his quirk, walking on eggshells in fear of being on the receiving end of his sinuous, quirk-laced words. He knew he was a good person. He knew that he was honest. Honorable. He knew he had what it took to be a hero.

He also knew that he was level-headed. Cautious. Observing.

But he never considered himself soft, or an emotional person. He was never reckless, particularly when it came to matters of the heart. He had emotions, of course... but he wasn't one to be controlled by them. He learned at a very early age, after his quirk had manifested, how dangerous his emotions could be. How they could escape his lips as biting words, causing greater damage than most.

Which was why he was so baffled by his feelings for you. You, who'd somehow managed to get yourself under his skin, working your way into his mind until you occupied every corner of it with your warm light and called it home. You, who'd awakened his world with the brightness of your smile, blessed his ears with the sound of your laugh. It was the look in your eyes that you gave him, warm and dark with a depth that humbled him. It captivated him every time, holding him hostage, his world spinning maddenly away around him, as if he were a celestial body and you were his star.

Somehow, he always found himself with his heart somehow outside of his chest and held in cupped, open hands. Late night conversations. Early morning confessions. And silent moments shared, like a secret - experienced but never spoken. With you, he was raw, vulnerable. Exposed.

In short, Shinsou was head over heels in love with you. Completely and utterly smitten.

And he wasn't sure he liked it. Because he wasn't sure if you understood... if you really understood the power you had over him. His heart was a fragile, soft thing. It had been carefully locked away from harm for so long that it had never quite had the chance to grow, to build resilience in adversity. In truth, you could shred it to pieces in an instant if you so chose, delicate petals disintegrating into ash in the fire of hateful, angry words, or freezing and breaking away like broken shards in your cold indifference.

But you didn't use those kinds of words. And you were never cold. Not towards him. Instead, it was always warmth, and grace, and shared looks that always lasted a second longer than they should. The kind of looks wanted him to open his palms, extend his arms to freely give what he'd protected for so long.

All his life, Shinsou wanted nothing more than to be a good hero. And he still wanted that. But right now, more than anything, with the two of you sitting together on a grassy hill in the warm twilight of summer, all he wanted was to be a good man. For you.

[redrosydiaz]

1, 2, 3, 8, and of course... 11 for the ST ask game ♡

ahh blakeeee!!! ty for sending so many!!! 💕💕

(also omg i was almost entirely finished answering all of these and then i fAT FINGERED MY KEYBOARD and it deleted everything 😩 i tried my best to rewrite them as best as i could but damn. rip to anything that slipped through the cracks)

1. Favorite character and your favorite outfit of theirs?

ooh okay i think i have to go with steve harrington as my favorite character, because as much as i love eddie, steve has been IT for me since the beginning. steve has taken me on a whole journey, i have been right there with him since the beginning. i am ride or die for that bitch!! lkdfjsl.

and as for favorite outfit, ohhhh man that's tough. he's got a LOT of good ones!! but. if i had to choose one, it would probably be that cute little bubble vest fit he wears at the end of s3 when he and robin are bring their resume in to family video. it's just so cute and he looks so good in it, and also his hair with it is Thee Perfect Length for me, like i love steve with his hair long enough that it starts to curl at the ends. the whole Look is just too good.

(this one!! i couldn't find any good photos so this gif will have to do)

2. Favorite season of Stranger Things and your favorite scene in it?

this is another hard question because my answer totally depends on what exactly is meant by favorite lmao. like, if favorite means which season is the one that i love most and has captivated me the most then the answer would be season 1, because that one is just next level!! like, the vibes, the relationships, the mystery, the conflicts, the discoveries!! it's all so good and s1 does a FANTASTC job of setting up the whole show!! but then if we're looking at favorite as meaning which one did you have the most fun watching and enjoyed a lot then my answer would be season 3, because that season is just SO fun!! it's so vibrant and bright and it truly encapsulates summer so well!! not to mention it gives us scoops troop my BELOVED, and we see more of the relationship between steve and dustin my beloveds, AND there's more erica!! AND this season gives us ROBIN!!! AND ROBIN AND STEVE!!! so!!!! its a huge win and its a great season for those reasons!!

3. Favorite scene in the entire series?

i think this is probably going to be SUCH an obvious answer because it's probably the one everyone and their mother gives, but, i HAVE to go with robin's coming out scene. like, it's just one of the best coming out scenes i've ever seen. and that is ENTIRELY because of maya hawke. like god, her expressions throughout that whole scene? as steve describes the girl he likes and it becomes strikingly clear that he's talking about robin and robin is sitting there like how do i break it to him. god her face is just. SO REAL. and then when she says "steve" in that tiny whisper of a voice, and her eyelashes sort of flutter like she's trying not to cry and she gives him that LOOK. MY GOD ITS GOLDEN ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. im tearing up rn just thinking about it. and then steves reaction too!! his little oh, and the way he just immediately starts making fun of robin's taste in girls, just steadfastly accepting her and not making it into something huge and scary. just treating her like shes robin and not anybody or anything different. the way robin feels SO much relief and joy and safety there. god its just such a beautiful scene and so powerful too and i just love it so so much.

(i do HAVE to give a shoutout to the running up that hill scene at the end of dear billy because NO scene has EVER given me chills the way that one did. the way max's grief has been drowning her and the complete turning point this scene was for that. like this was the first moment that she chose to not let that grief win. she fought it and she fought it hard and she pulled herself out. she had help, of course, the memories of her friends, the ones she loves, but it was ultimately HER that saved herself in that scene. and godddd its SO powerful and its SO well done and just the way they used that son is INCREDIBLE and also sadie's acting in that scene is just PHENOMENAL, and then when it ends and max is in lucas' arm with dustin and steve surrounding her too and the soft instrumental version of running up that hill plays as the screen goes black. C H I L L S!!!!!!)

8. Favorite weapon/power?

another super basic answer probably but what can i say? my favorite weapon is 100% the nail bat. i mean, who wouldn't want a wicked baseball bat full of nails to swing at monsters?? i mean come on that is so badass. but ALSO i love that the bat has a little bit of all of the original monster hunting trio in it? like it's nancy's baseball bat, but jonathan is the one that put the nails in it and it was meant to be his weapon, but then steve claimed it as his own and used it and bam now it's his. i just love that symbolism!!!

11. Your opinion on Tommy Hagan?

HAHA I LOVE THAT YOU ASKED ME THIS ONE FKDDSFLKD (also the "of course" sdkfjdslf i am THAT transparent huh 😂)

nah but i fucking LOVE tommy hagan. he's just one of those characters that isn't necessarily given a firm backstory or anything, but there is juuuuuuust enough personality that it is SO easy to build your own backstory and mold it and him into something you want it to be — and boy oh BOY have i done that with tommy myself lmao.

but yeah it's like — the tommy we see, sure, he's an asshole, and yes, he says and does some really shitty things, BUT i don't think anything he's said and done has reached that level where it's like totally and completely irredeemable, yknow? like he's not so far gone that he can't turn himself around (hello!! steve did!! and sure, maybe steve is a kinder, nicer person at his core, but if he can do it, so can tommy, especially given that tommy idolized steve so much.)

there's just something to me that is so fascinating about taking a very simple one dimensional character and giving him layers. giving him three dimensions. putting him in scenarios and giving him motivations that explain WHY he is the way he is and HOW he got there and WHO influenced that? filling in those gaps makes him a MUCH richer character and in turn makes his interactions with the other characters SOOO much more interesting and layered.

like, i love to think that tommy is the middle child in a large family of all girls. he's got two older sisters and two younger sisters. i oscillate between liking to think that his parents are still together but overwhelmed with work and the girls and other responsibilities, or that theyre divorced so tommys grown up with a single mother in charge. either way, tommy ends up sort of forgotten, just a bit. there's not enough attention for him, which is why when STEVE gives him attention for the very first time, when he CHOOSES tommy for the first time, tommy is stuck on him for life.

their friendship grows and so do they and steve stays this constant through it all, and that means so much to tommy. i think that once girls start to show an interest in steve and once steve starts to show an interest back, tommy gets jealous, because that means that steves full attention isn't on him anymore. (and whether you look at it through a 'tommy has a crush on steve' lens or not it still applies either way ((though as im sure you're all aware i DO look at it through that lens LOL))).

carol joins their group, and either steve nudges tommy towards her or tommy nudges himself towards her because, well, if steves gonna get himself a girlfriend, so is tommy because he's not getting left behind. and he loves carol, he does, but also it's a lot more complicated than that (see the beginning of my latest fic, keep me on a rope, for more on The Complicated Relationship of Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins because ohohoho boy do i have THOUGTS on that).

and then nancy wheeler happens and steve gets his heart broken AND his world rocked AND the biggest thump on his head of his life and suddenly he's not tommys best friend anymore. he's not even his friend. and that fucking HURTS tommy. because look at that? even STEVE left in the end. and so tommy lashes out. he gets meaner. he latches onto billy hargrove, but he doesn't give a shit about tommy. he puts up that protective shell so he can't get hurt again, and that means never letting anyone in again. that means settling for what he has, who he has. that means stewing in these hurt feelings and this awful grudge and the hatred for years and years until—

somewhere down the line (way waaaaaay down the line) tommy gets tired of it. he gets sick of being bitter and lonely and miserable. and he finally gets HIS thump on the head. he does some digging deeeeeeeep into himself and he does a lot of self reflection and he realizes that fuck. he's been an asshole. he's been a jerk. he's been a total dick. he's hurt people he loved, people who didn't deserve it. he's pushed them away. he's isolated himself. he's turned into this shell of what he could have been.

and so he starts to work on himself. starts to make amends.

or he doesn't. that's a possibility too. he can get stuck in his ways and he can live out a bitter lonely miserable life too!

but that's the thing about tommys character — he can be and do and say whatever you want!!!! and THAT is why i love him so much.

(plus, as i said it is just SOOOO fascinating to explore his relationship with steve and with carol because BOTH are SOOOO complicated and SOOOO layered and there is just SO much going on in that little brain and body of his that even HE can't sort through it all.)

stranger things ask game

[ukiyokki]

mars reads too much dreamnotfound fanfiction for their own good

a dreamnotfound fanfic recommendation list by your resident dumbass (me)

this took way to fucking long... i’m tired

below is a (very extensive) list dedicated to all my favorite dnf fics, ranging from quick one shots to 100k+ word monstrosities that devour the storage on my computer, forever incomplete masterpieces to ongoing works of art, you get the idea. i provided links for each fic/series for your reading pleasure. there will be no smutty/nsfw fics on this list, that’s just not my vibe lmao. this list goes in no particular order, and i’ll update it from time to time when i feel like it. now, without further ado, let us begin.

Heat Waves (complete) by tbhyourelame

(wtf else did you expect, looking at a dnf rec list?) amazingly well written, and while it’s not my favorite dnf fic it’s damn near close. in the midst of a brutal heatwave, a suffering dream comes to terms with the fact that he is desperately in love with his best friend. everything i could say about this fic has already been said by nearly everyone who’s read it, so if you haven’t yet caved into the hype, just go for it. you won’t be disappointed.

Gonna be around (completed) by georgescatcafe

(mc irl) my favorite dnf oneshot to date. just read it, i don’t wanna spoil for you :)

Inferno in the Sky (ongoing)by zairielon

(star wars au) an ongoing star wars au currently clocking in at almost 200k words. need I say more? everything about it absolutely slaps, each chapter is amazingly written, and it’s just good. also, can we just appreciate dream and tubbos dynamic in here? 10/10, amazing, must protecc. oh right, a summary: george, an exiled padawan turned engineer, must return to the jedi temple after attacks on it from an unknown assailant threaten the safety of himself and the other jedi.

Like Magic (ongoing) by KangarooKen, NotGra55 (Gra55)

(harry potter au) the unofficial official dnf harry potter au. we watch the young unlikely wizard pair grow up together throughout their years at hogwarts as they battle good old fashioned wizard racism. beautifully written, incredibly fun and suspenseful, and just an overall blast and a half.

GeorgeNotFound, Son of Poseidon, and the League of Minor Gods (ongoing) by Clichewho_69, Cygnvs, Trash_Kinggg

(percy jackson au) percy jackson au? check. “road trip” (technically quest but u get what i mean)? check. enemies to friends to lovers? check. this fic follows the plot of the lightning theif (albeit loosely), but everything is explained enough where you don’t have to read percy jackson to understand what’s going on. basically after moving to the usa, george gets taken to camp halfblood where he learns that a) gods exist. b) he’s the son of poseidon and c) he needs to prove that he didn’t steal zeus’s master bolt.

Protected (completed) by aenqua

(royalty/camelot au) my favorite piece of dnf media of all time. dubbed the official dnf camelot au, where dream is the heir to the throne and george is a servants son with a secret that couldp get him killed. these childhood friends grow up together and learn trust, love, and acceptance. (that summary did not justice to the masterpiece that is this fic) here’s the directors cut

The Hunter (completed) by HederEgo

(mc irl) a choose your own adventure fic with 13 different endings, where dream the hunter must kill george and stop him from beater the ender dragon. enough said.

The official dream team cowboy AU (series)(ongoing) by antsu_in_my_pantsu

(cowboy au) cowboys and outlaws horses and shit. and the big gay. it’s a cowboy au, what else did you expect? fucking yee haw (all seriousness this is a great read, i loved it so so so so much and i can’t wait for the final chapter to release).

This is a Drista moment, let's just accept it (completed) by Qekyo

dnf fic from drista pov. considering its unique perspective, it’s perfectly done. beautifully showcases a sibling relationship through drista and her memories/moments with dream, and it just works, y’a know? also drista supremacy.

Dear Dream (completed) by Qekyo

(wwii au) i don’t cry when watching/reading anything sad. translation: i’m a heartless bitch. however, this fic is the only exception. it caused me to cry so hard my mom walked in my room and asked if i was ok. ‘nuff said.

TECHNOlogical Wingman (completed) by Closeted_Bookworm

techno is the autocorrect ai on dreams phone, and he gains sentience. interesting concept, and the author fucking nailed it. great fic.

It Was Only a Fic (ongoing) by imagineitdear

dream starts reading a dnf fanfic (we’ve all been there buddy).

Teacher’s Pet (ongoing) by niyuha

(teacher au) in which dream is a high school english teacher and george is the new comp sci teacher in room 297.

Saltwater Secrets (ongoing) by earlgay_milktea

(mermaid/high school au) a great example of the shear amount of variety in fics this fandom has to offer. when i started reading dnf fics i would have never thought i’d find one about a mermaid george hopelessly crushing on his human friend, who happens to be his schools star swimmer. yet here i am, and i am far from disappointed.

Smash My Heart (incomplete) by dontrollthedice

george and sapnap are commentators for duper smash brothers tournaments, and george develops a crush on an up and coming smash streamer named dream.

roleplaying in the dark is harder than it seems (completed) by Alienu

laser tag. 10/10

solar system (completed) by quartzfia

(mc irl) george vists dream in pandora’s vault.

Ramblings of a Lunatic (completed) by jungkooksfic

ahh communicating through a notebook left on a shelf in a bookstore- what a perfect way to start a relationship.

Paint me like your French Girls (It's Charcoal, Actually) (completed) by Turtle_ier

(artist au) george is an art student, and dream is a model.

00:00:00 (completed) by isleofdreams

(soulmate au) 00:00:00 is the moment you meet your soulmate, as indicated but the clock ticking down on your wrist until the moment you meet. i’m not a fan of soulmate aus; this fic is the exception.

Blue Skies Smilin' At Me (completed) by kivy

(artist au) i don’t usually cry while reading stuff, but this brought me damn near close. george is a painting conservator and chats it is with the ghost of the artist if the painting he is working on. they fall in a love.

Current Location (incomplete) by hendollana

(influencer au) george simps for a hot american instagram model. who knew he’d actually follow back?

The Withering (series) (series ongoing, 1 work completed) by App1e_Juice

(mc irl) lore and world building and fight scenes and everything i crave. what’s not to love? something starts making the plants and crops around dreams village wither, and must team up with new friends to find the cause of the mysterious disease plaguing the land.

Minecraft, But You Can't Leave (complete) by facadecake

(mc irl) dream and george are sucked into their own private minecraft world together and must beat the game to escape.

Free The Game, Beat the End (incomplete) by goatgoatwasfound

(mc irl) a glitch in minecraft causes thousands of players from around the world to be trapped inside minecraft, with only one way of escape- beating the ender dragon. first dnf fic i ever read, and it’s still 10/10 for me.

Why don't you come a little closer? (completed) by lifeofandoms

george gets stood up by a date, and Dream pretends he’s the date to save george from the embarrassment. simply adorable.

lightning bug (completed) by saintachesP

(band au) while on tour, dream realizes his feeling for george.

Hold me closer (completed) by Treesofmyheart

(mc irl/dsmp) i just,, really like this trope.

Dizzy on caffeine (completed) by GleamingGreenGoggles

(coffee shop au) best dnf coffeeshop au i’ve read. periodt.

living a life of crime isn’t always easy (series) (completed) by itisjosh

(mafia/assassin au) stockholm syndrome except it’s not weird.

Inhibitions Make Interesting Situations (completed) by Ship_On_The_Sea

i pissed myself laughing. it’s just a dream and george being hilariously dense, flustered idiots. serotonin central.

thy eternal summer shall not fade (completed) by gracequills

(high school au) that moment when you recite shakespeare to your crush in your ap lit class instead of confessing (hate it when that happens).

All is Fair in love and Football (ongoing) by graciegirl2001

(college au) #1 favorite college au. in which george is a cheerleader, and dream is the football teams rising star player. this one gets extra points because of the amazing karlnap moments sprinkled throughout. *chefs kisses air*

online love (completed) by andbutso

(high school au) online classes go zoooooooom

Can’t help falling (completed) by isleofdreams

dream re-learns the guitar to sing to george on his birthday. beautiful. fluffy. amazing

dance in the rain and my arms (completed) by lazy_kitkat

george is a rain god, and dream is a wind god

Weather Boy (completed) by DaintyDiizzle

wouldn't you like to know, weather boy? (where dream can control the rain)

The color orange (completed) by anon

(mc irl) dream describes the colors of a sunset

Family Mode (completed)by Strawberry_flavoured_tears

they’re dads :,)

Breathing Room (incomplete) by papercranes

(band an) an amazing band au. the mad lad author wrote original songs for each chapter. above and beyond, mad props :). unfortunately, it’s incomplete

Piece of Clay (completed) by carbonbrine

(artist au) george is a sculptor and his sculpture comes to life- but oh no he’s hot.

Try (completed) by Not4typicalwriter

(royalty au) george must choose a suitor, but none of them are up to dream, his head knights, standards. or dream is hella jelly. also protective dream is perfect

When the Roses Bloom (completed) by HederEgo

(royalty au) close second for my favorite fic. go to royalty au for a quick serotonin bost. it’s all fluff and flowers and crushes, and i love it. criminally underrated.

Heavenstruck (ongoing) by dontrollthedice

george is dreams guardian angel, and dream want to find out more about him and his past life. bittersweet :,)

Bang and Burn (completed) by App1e_Juice

(spy au) george accidentally falls for target number 1 on sapnap’s secret agency’s hit list. this ones great, i love me a spy au :)

Can I get a uhh… (completed) by lemonskies

dream keeps pulling up to the drive through mcdonald’s that george works at drunk.

Pretty Stranger (completed) by anon

when looking for dream in the terminal, george sees a cute guy and decides to flirt.

Take my Hand (completed) by latinbias

(royalty au) another royalty au? poggers. surprise twists? double poggers. love this a lot.

seconds, minutes, hours, lifetimes (complete) by meridies

ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP *inhales to compose herself* roadtrip au. unrequited love, ignored feelings, longing, pining, you know the drill. absolutely love this one, its the best roadtrip au i have ever read, in any fandom. (maybe cause i identify with it a little too much, but thats not important. whats important is that you read this fic. right now. im waiting).

Message redacted (complete) by justyouraverageloser

(text fic) dream asks for a girls number and realises hes been given the wrong number. however, an unexpected relationship starts to form between him and the stranger on the other end of the line.

the waves (completed) by anon

(mc irl) this fic was written by the same anon who wrote the color orange, which is up there on my fav dnf oneshot list. dream and george know they have a higher purpose. they don’t know where they came from, or why they are seemingly the only humans in the world, or how they feel about eachother, or even where the skeletons come from, but they are sure of one thing: they have to beat a dragon.

The Dream Doll (completed) by PeppDream (Pep_Pizza)

(voodoo i guess) i’m a real big fan of fics with really out there or unique concepts, so naturally this one makes the cut! i really liked it, it’s really sweet and made me think a lot about what matters to me in the world. george finds a strange doll in an antique shop, and would really like to just stuff it in a drawer and forget about it. sadly (?), the doll has other plans.

last updated February 6th, 2021

[bukojuiice]

are you feline what i’m feline? — todoroki shoto

ೃ pairing: cat boy! ┃pro hero! todoroki shoto  x fem pro hero! reader

ೃ  tags: smut 18+ (the rest of the tags are below the cut!)

ೃ  warnings: nsfw

ೃ wc: 3k words

ೃ  my nav  →  my mha writing masterlist  → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau

ೃ  blessed with a quirk that can temporarily transform any human being into any living thing they want through the means of potions and concoctions, you brew up a cat girl potion to surprise shoto for your second year anniversary. however, some accidents and mishaps happen, and you’re welcomed home by a handsome cat boy instead.  

ೃ dedicating this fic to the lovely and amazing @todosweetheart​ bc her cat boy! shoto art is the reason why this fic exists. thank u for the content u feed us val! 🥰💓

additional tags:  use of natural aphrodisiac, cat boy! kink, overstimulation, fingering, kitten/cat play, rough but loving sex)

You had just recently moved in to a new neighborhood with your boyfriend, Todoroki Shoto. 

Your blissful domestic life with him was just about to begin and life couldn’t get any better than this. and yet... 

sometimes you wish you could do more for him. 

The two of you met when you were hired to work at his father’s agency, stealing glances at him by the reception area whenever you came in for work, and coincidentally getting into the same elevator as him. Not knowing that he was woefully smitten with you too. It was only through the probing of your co-workers that you had drunkenly confessed to him at a company party and he had (soberly) confessed to you too.

That was where everything started. 

That was how you and the No. #3 Pro-hero got together.

Sometimes, it made you think if you were even worthy of his love. 

You were just a hero with a support quirk; with it being used for more science and field-related work as your powers made you manifest and create drinkable liquids that could change the physical appearance of a person (make them invisible, turn them into an animal, or even turn them back into a child or into an elderly person) for a limited time and depending on how strong or weak the solution. This means that through your quirk, you are able to tamper with a person’s DNA through these concoctions without any consequences. It was a powerful quirk, just like magic, yes, but can it be used for offense? Sadly not.

Shoto’s quirk was the exact opposite. Bearing the quirk of fire and ice, he was the definition of perfection. The perfect quirk, the perfect combination of two exact opposite elements, and how adept he is at using both of them. Often praised and hailed by the public for not only being extremely powerful, but also for how painstakingly handsome he is. You were just waiting for some controversial tabloid to talk about the No. 3 Pro Hero and his girlfriend who was way out of his league. 

Shoto constantly reassures you not to worry about them, never failing to calm you down with his gentle I love you’s and forehead kisses whenever he sees you tensed up and nervous, and never failing to tell you that you are the light of his life and his strength to continue fighting. and yet, it still worries you sometimes.

Today marks your 2 year anniversary. 

The two of you decide to go out on a simple date tonight at one of the best-reviewed restaurants in the neighborhood as the two of you were busy with throwing out the moving boxes and unwrapping your furniture, combined with the hero work that the two of you do during the day. Completely ruling out the possibility of being able to plan an elaborate anniversary date. 

But, it was alright. As cheesy as Shoto makes it sound, no day can ever become the worst, as long as he’s spending it with you. 

“Ah~ Those crepes were super yummy! Plus, the cafe was really cute!” You beam with a satisfying yawn, the two of you walking side by side, hand holding the other, and his arm wrapped around your shoulder for that extra warmth against the cold summer night. 

“Yea. There was a classy vibe to it. That was my first time trying a galette, and I must say that was tasty.” He remarks, turning to you. Your radiant and lively energy was infectious and he can’t help but smile. “Leave it to Mina and Sato to know all the best restaurants, I suppose.”

You nod contentedly and the two of you continue to walk back home in silence. Shoto looks around, taking in the sight and wondering if he could point out any small details about your surroundings that could make you laugh or smile. He notices a small shadow perk up from beneath a bush and he casually points at it. “Hmm? (Y/N), look over there.” 

You follow Shoto’s gaze and also notice the small shadowy figure. “Oh?”

The quiet sound of a purr could be heard from the bush. The two of you wait a little bit for the creature to reveal itself. A black cat pounces out of the plant, it’s beautiful green eyes staring back at you. “Meoooow.”

The cat walks up to you and you crouch down, putting your hand out, and wait patiently. Sure enough, the cat nuzzles against it. 

“Ahhh she’s so cute.” You observe the cat a bit more and notice it’s femme feline features. Shoto crouches down next to you and pats it’s head. Clearly the kitty seems to enjoy all this attention as she’s purring up a storm. “She is.” 

You glance at Shoto and notice how his eyes glimmered a different blue-grey light as he continued to play with the kitten. Pure bliss present in his face. His handsome and soft features make you blush, with the heat rising up to your cheeks, you quickly turn away before Shoto could notice you.

Bingo.

What if you turned into a Cat Girl and made Shoto… ya know…

It was a simple formula after all. You could whip up a concoction, sprinkle in a little bit of natural aphrodisiac and that’s it! The recipe to the sexiest and kinkiest night of your life! Maybe you could show your love to Shoto in a different way than most girlfriends do to their boyfriends no?

“AHAH!” You suddenly jump up from the ground, your boyfriend perks up a little bit in surprise too. You then bring out your phone and begin scrolling through your notes. “Sho-kun! Come on! Let’s get home!” You grab his hand and drag him away. He adjusts his running to your pace, smiling at your sudden burst of eagerness and excitement. “Alright alright, love. Be careful so we don’t trip.”

That night, you told Shoto to not wait for you as you had to brew up some potions for tomorrow as specially requested by a hero from your agency. Although reluctant at first to leave you, he intently watched you work your magic at  the little science lab in your house. The smell of the strong chemicals waft around the living room, prompting him to retreat back to your bedroom, but not without a quick kiss (that was about to turn into a make out session) before bed. 

“Happy anniversary, Love.” Shoto holds you by the waist, resting his head on your shoulder. The two of you swaying slightly to the non-existent rhythm and this makes you almost want to go to bed with him. “Shall we continue this tomorrow?” He peppers kisses down your neck, you giggle in response. 

“We shall.” You turn to him and deliver a kiss to his lips. You pull away before you could even begin to think of yearning for more. “I’m sorry if we had to cut our anniversary short. It’s your day off tomorrow right? I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He nods first before giving you one last kiss, this time on the forehead. “Goodnight (Y/N). I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He pulls away. you watch him leave your lab first and make sure he’s out of sight before you get back to work. 

After a few more hours of solving the formula and crafting the recipe for a potion that doesn’t necessarily turn you into a cat, but rather, give you only cat ears and a cat tail, yu bring out a thermos bottle from the cupboard and pour in the liquid solvent along with the natural aphrodisiac. You stir it a little bit before using your quirk to add the finishing touch and to make it a viable and an actually working potion. 

“Can’t wait to drink this tomorrow.” You snicker to yourself, as you pour all of the liquid onto the thermos, storing it in the fridge and then proceed to go to your bedroom and finally hit the sack.

“AHH I’M LATE!” You rush out of the bedroom, messy bedhead hair, your hero suit not even fully zipped up, mismatched socks, and your bag tossing and turning, most of the contents falling out, your thermos being one of them. “I’M LATE FOR WORK! BYE! I LOVE YOU!” You greet Shoto who was eating his breakfast in the kitchen, planting him a farewell kiss on the cheek as you dash your way out of the house. 

“I l-love you too.” He bids goodbye with a wave, but you weren’t even there to hear it anymore. Shoto’s eyes cast downward, a bit disappointed that he wasn’t even able to greet you properly this morning and how your anniversary date felt so short even though you promised each other you would spend more time together later today. 

He then notices your water bottle on the ground. A sticky note that was labeled “Drink me!” was attached to it and of course as every other person would react once they see a note like that,

Shoto thought that was for him. 

“SHO! I’M BACK!” You call out to him, closing the door behind you. “Sho~?” You sing-song, peering through the kitchen and the living room but your boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. “Where are youuu?” You continue to traverse through your house, looking for him. You grind to a halt when you notice your thermos bottle on top of the dining table… All empty.

Oh no.

Oh no no no no.

“Shoto!” You call out, your voice cracking with nervousness. You rush to your bedroom, hoping and praying that he was there. Only… for the lights to be out. 

“Sho?” Your hand reaches out for the light switch. But, you hesitate. What if a demon had kidnapped your boyfriend and you had to save him!? What can your quirk even do to save him!?

“(Y/N)...” He finally responds. Although his tone was soft and still a bit suspicious, you breathe a sigh of a relief and finally turn on the lights.

The lights illuminate the room to reveal your boyfriend in his usual turtleneck fit that you always ogle at. You look up and down, noticing that this is still the same man you know and love and nothing bad actually happened until… 

You look up and behind him.

He’s still the same man you know and love. 

Just this time however. he’s a cat boy. 

“I drank the potion that you made.” He says ever so casually, nothing ever fazes him as usual. “It had a “drink me!” sticky note attached to it and I thought it was for me.” He continues to speak plainly. You thought you could get out of this situation scotch-free and you didn’t have to explain to your loving boyfriend what had happened to him. That was until he crossed his arms, his feet tapping the ground, and his cat tail waving behind him. “Please explain to me why I am now a cat boy.” 

“Well…” You began twiddling with your fingers, trying your very best not to make eye contact with him or else you would end up squealing in delight because of how adorable he looked. “You see, I made this potion to turn me into a cat girl so that I can… ya know… please you and stuff. I saw how affectionate you were with the cat we saw last night so.. I guess you can consider this as my late anniversary gift to you?” You laugh sheepishly, still trying your best not to look at him as his gaze intensifies. 

Shoto’s black and white cat ears twitch as he tries to stifle a laugh. “Fine. I forgive you. This will wear off eventually right?” You nod in response and Shoto’s shoulders slump down in relief. He was about to approach you and envelop you in a hug, until his legs wobbled midway and he practically fell down onto the floor. 

You rush to him and help him stand up, propping himself on the bed. “Sho… are you alright love?”

He starts breathing heavily, cat ears twitching once again, fingers trembling, lips quivering, and his face as red as a tomato. “(Y/N)... what was even in that potion you made?”

You suddenly remember the aphrodisiac you added to the recipe.

Oh no no no no (2)

Shoto suddenly turns away from you before you could notice the bulge rising in his pants. He covers his face in embarrassment, refusing to look at you. 

“I also added some aphrodisiac and some catnip into the potion ahahaha…” You scratch the back of your neck. Shoto turns to you again, his eyes glowing like that of a cat and giving off a smoldering feeling. He shifts your position, gently yet somehow arduously pinning you down on the bed. He steps closer, hands moving up your sides, going around your back, pulling you flush against him. Shoto nips at your earlobe, sending sparks through you. 

You bite back a moan as he kisses your neck, his tongue hot, the gentle scrape of his teeth (slightly sharped like that of fangs) leaving you shivering. 

The two of you stop for a bit. He breaks the kiss to rest his forehead against yours. Tension coils around him, barely contained energy. As if Shoto is preventing himself from showing you his animalistic and feline hunger wanting to ravage you.

“C-can I-”

Before Shoto could even utter another word, you grab his face and pull him back into a desperate kiss, capturing his gasp and the throaty moan that follows. You capture his mouth with yours, and he responds eagerly, his kiss fervent, all his restraint crumbling at your touch. 

He kisses your chin, and you tip your head back as he trails his lips down your neck, murmuring praise.

He lays you down, hiking your shirt up, tossing it to the floor, then deftly unhooking your bra, and exposing your breasts. You giggle and reach for his pants, unzipping the fly and getting a little thrill when you see the huge bulge in his boxers. 

You push up his turtleneck sweater to admire his abs and Shoto smiles back at you seductively. 

“Like what you see?” He says teasingly, a little quip that he barely does when the two of you make love, his husky voice makes your stomach swoop.

“I can only tell you if you purr first.” You tease back, running your fingers over his cat ears. Shoto  feels the tickling sensation build up inside of him, slowly about to give in to his raw animal instincts. While you continue to run your fingers through his cat features, he begins to suck and nibble on your breasts. You feel yourself get lost in his gentle caress, barely even notice him pulling off your panties and sliding them off between your legs. Shoto’s fingers slowly slide into your womanhood, as if testing out the waters. He works them in and out for a bit, then pulls them out, brings them to his mouth, and licks them. 

Like a kitten licking its milk. 

“Sho…”

You feel the last of Shoto’s restraint break as his cat ears twitch again, you can practically feel the energy crackling around him, and the hunger in his eyes more evident than a while ago. Shoto then braces his arms beside your head, as he slots his hips between your thighs. You rise up to meet him, a low moan spilling from your lips. 

“(Y/N)... I’m going to put it in now…”

You bite your lip and nod in confirmation. 

Shoto gently sets a slow pace, your head spins at the sensation and the arousal coursing through you, your hips rolling to meet the movements of his cock. As he enters, the thrilling sensation courses through you again and your mind feels like it just melted. 

You gently rub his cat ears again, and his cock twitches inside of you, the enthralling reaction resulting in a shudder of pleasure shooting through your body, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. And that pleasure transmits to Shoto loud and clear from your pussy. 

Meanwhile, his breathing was ragged, more wild and animalistic than normal. Which is to be expected due to the potion but… this hot and intense feeling radiating off of him was different. 

And you love it.

“I-I feel like I’m losing control…”

As Shoto speaks, he slams his cock into you, making your legs shake and you moaning louder than you should. Everything seems more intense, from his thrusting to the look on his eye. 

At this point, it’s getting harder and harder to form a coherent sentence. 

“Is it alright if I go faster?” Shoto says softly, you hold his hand in reassurance, unable to respond properly as every intense emotion running inside of you makes you let out hitched and breathy moans instead. 

Shoto pulls out halfway, then slams back inside of you, making a loud sticky sound.

The two of you were acting like animals in heat. 

“A-ah! Shoto!” You mewl out, each of Shoto’s thrust hitting an undiscovered part of your insides. Spurred on by your voice, his pace further increases, until you’re both moving frantically. You gasp at his intensity, at the weight and heat of his body pinning you down.

“(Y/N)! I’m going to-” 

You wrap your legs around his waist, urging him on, and his fluffy tail briefly brushes against you. Shoto’s body tenses up as he prepares to unload inside of you.

Shoto’s body spasms- including his tail. Waves of pleasure flood over you as his semen shoots full-force into your depths.

The two of you gaze into each other’s eyes for a minute before he slowly lays himself next to you, his feline features slowly disappearing as you try to catch your breath.

“L-look they disappeared with one whoosh.” You say in between pants and giggles, Shoto covering the two of you with your bed duvet, chuckling along with you/

“Next time, please label things properly and tell me if you added any sort of ingredient that could increasingly highten my sex drive.” He says with an exasperated sigh, yet satisfaction plastered all over his face as he looks at you lovingly. “I love you (Y/N). Happy anniversary… nya~” He whispers the last few words, shooting you a wink. 

Your eyes widen, your mouth forming into an O like that one Chris Pratt meme. “Y-you just said…”

“Let’s h-have a nap and just have some late dinner instead.” He shushes you by planting a kiss on your forehead. 

You were about to protest, but as soon as Shoto shut his eyes, you didn’t bother doing so anymore.

You plant a kiss on his knuckles, snuggling closer to him. “I love you too Sho. Happy anniversary.”