#ahh I'm honestly so nervous about posting this

[darling-gemini]

First/Last Sentence Tag War

Tagged by @anotherbluesunday, thank you again🥺💕

Hi! This is for a fic that I've been working on for a few days based on the idea of lifeguard!Tyler and a Wednesday who doesn't know how to swim, so here's (part of) what I've gotten so far!!

First Line:

The early June heat settled into the tiny town of Jericho with only a note of warning. It was a balmy sort of heat, the kind that felt like a physical weight on one’s shoulders, and it left everyone in town to suffer in its glory.  Though usually one in favor of torture, even Wednesday Addams had found that the stifling heat, though similar to that of the summers of her childhood, was nearly unbearable.

Last Line:

He was decent now, dressed in his lifeguard shirt that she had seen him in earlier, and wearing the same swim trunks as before, red in color to match the emblem on his shirt. The look was a bit garish for her, but the lifeguards had to be identifiable, she supposed. Then, without any further conversation, she said, "Goodbye, Tyler," then turned on her heel and headed off after her friends.

This is part of a multi-chapter fic at this point and I'm hoping to make more progress in the next few days, should life permit that to happen!!

I'm not sure of who to tag, but if you're part of the fandom and looking for a reason to share the first/last line of your wip, please consider this me tagging you!!

[littledesertfox]

intro, I guess?

hii! I figured I should make a post like this even though I have a feeling it will be like super messy xD

I've had an interest in history, specifically World War II basically since I was a kid. It was only recently though that I found out that there's a community for it! I've always had a thing with expressing my interests in ways that may seem slightly odd to other people, so it feels nice to see that there are others who seem to experience this in similar ways :3

I want to make it very clear that I am NOT a nazi or rightwing in any way, and I don't want actual (neo-)nazis to interact with my blog, get the fuck out! Similarly, I don't want racists, lgbtq-phobes, ableists, religious extremists, pedos & zoos or people of similarly disgusting kind to interact! I'm literally queer and neurodivergent (undiagnosed/suspected bc getting a therapy place is hard :/), this is not a place for you!

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I've been a fan of the Downfall parodies on youtube when I was younger and recently relapsed into this fixation😭 I don't know if this fandom even really exists at this point since it seems that many creators have left in the meantime, but I'd love to talk about it, maybe I'll even get to write fanfics at some point. Also a short disclaimer that when I talk about historical figures that play a major role in the Downfall parody universe (such as Fegelein, Krebs, Burgdorf etc), it will usually be about their parody selves, not the real people! I'll try to clarify that individually if needed though.

I've also started lurking a little in the reichblr tag with a feeling that I'd describe as "indimidated fascination". Currently I'm mostly interested in some members of the Wehrmacht, but other historical figures that I had or have an interest in might come up as well. Overall any stuff that I post will probably go more into the lighthearted and humorous direction, but I'd love to bring in some more educational stuff as well.

My inbox is always open if you want to gush or ramble about your favourite historical figures or Downfall characters (both from the parodies and the movie itself) and such! Please talk to me about our shared faves😭🫶

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I get crushes on fictional characters and sometimes historical figures too, but that doesn't mean I support, condone or defend their worldviews or actions in any way (this applies especially to real people of course)! These "crushes" usually stem from a place of fascination with who they were behind their public appearance, I want to know more about them as a private person, like their hobbies, favourite food and other mundane things like that. Often it's also simply that I feel physically attracted to their appearance because I think they're handsome, either that or they give me massive gender envy (or both lmao). I don't really control on who I fixate like that, it just happens, but I hope that this will be a place for me to express those feelings in some way and find like-minded people. Though I also want to point out that not all my fixations are automatically also crushes! Usually I will mention whether they are or not, or you'll probably notice based on what kind of posts I make about them lol.

Current main historical fixations:

Erwin Rommel (I can't help it I just think he's cute ._.)

Fritz Bayerlein (he's the dude in my pfp lol, there's barely info about him but idk I just think he's kinda interesting😭 also yes he was actually bi)

Current main Downfall fixations:

Hans Krebs & Wilhelm Burgdorf (the otp ever)

Wilhelm Mohnke (ngl Downfall!Mohnke is kinda fine❤️‍🔥 ... idk maybe I'm just finding the actor hot though😭)

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If I encounter things that make me uncomfortable I follow common fandom courtesy and block tags or blogs accordingly. This is nothing personal, I'm just curating my own online space. I don't want to see any harassment here, neither towards myself nor to others!

Anyway I guess that's it for now? Idk if this is any good as an intro post but for now it'll have to do I guess😂 I'm generally not really sure yet in which direction to go with this blog (should it be more Downfall or reichblr focused? is there a lot of overlap between the fandoms? do they even get along? help😭). I also don't know how active I'll be in general, I'm also constantly jumping between thoughts like "yee this is gonna be fun" and "dafuq am I doing here I should feel ashamed about myself" but I hope to meet people who share my interests :3

[pomefioredove]

Hey Dove~

I was reading through the different headcannons and the mute reader really caught my attention. Could you possibly do the Vice Wardens (including Ruggie cuz he's basically second in command anyway) with Yuu that has a speech impediment? Basically they stutter/stumble on words, get them mixed up, pronounces them wrong, and maybe forgets certain words. And obviously with new arcana and magical words (and the weird ahh names some of these characters have) they can get pretty frusterated or embarressed.

You always have such good headcannons!! Feel free to throw in any other characters that you like to the mix as well!!

OH this hits close to home too. I stutter and mispronounce things when I do speak, so I'm using that for reference

twst x mute reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ reader with a speech impediment

summary: as described type of post: headcanons characters: trey, ruggie, jade, jamil, rook, lilia additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu

see, I don't think Trey would say anything about it

he's not one to criticize strangeness

that would be rude, first of all

second of all, there's no such thing as "normal" at NRC

(even so, some people may point it out, but he's not one of them)

he doesn't have any trouble understanding you, either

he grew up with younger siblings who pronounced owl as "awa" and kitty as "shishi" until they were six

he's certainly patient

and he knows how to use context

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

honestly? Ruggie didn't even... notice?

for a while, he just thought you talked fast

he knows how it goes; you get excited or nervous or whatever, and you end up stumbling all over yourself

no biggie

then one day you come up to him all sad and teary, apologizing for a speech impediment he didn't even know you had, and he's like...

...oh! no!

of course he's not annoyed!

Ruggie's an adaptive guy, after all. when he wants something, he'll bend backwards for it

you think a little stuttering is gonna stop him from being friends with you?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

much like Trey, Jade doesn't say anything

he just watches you talk

and smiles

like this -> :)

it's not that he's particularly concerned about being rude, he's just...

observing

humans are such fascinating creatures, he thinks

he learns all of your quirks just by listening to you

which words you have trouble with, which ones you mix up and forget, which consonants you stumble over...

he teaches himself your language

and he becomes a sort of translator for you

any time someone is rude to you, he'll come out of nowhere and tell them everything you said in the exact order you said it

weird, but nice

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

to put it plainly, Jamil has bigger problems

whether or not he can understand you doesn't really matter to him

it's not his job to worry over you

then, you come to him asking for help, and...

...well, he's flattered

he can't deny he likes that you come to him for guidance before anyone else

because of this, (and because he had to learn how to control his own tongue when he was little), he takes pity on you

whether your goal is to work on your speech, or to simply feel less anxiety about it, he's there

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

is it cliche to say that Rook already knows exactly what you're thinking?

perhaps, but it's true

he's mastered the art of observation

he can read your thoughts in your expression, your body language, even the slightest twitch in your lips gives you away

he just knows

you don't have to be a good speaker, or a speaker at all, to communicate with Rook

(and he can do all the talking for you if you'd like, he'd probably enjoy that)

and, of course, he is of the opinion that there is beauty in everything

you don't need to be perfectly clear and concise for him to like you

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

now, I can't guarantee that Lilia won't tease a little

only in good fun, of course

and only if you respond in kind

but he does find it rather cute when you mispronounce something, or mix up your words

he won't correct you or interrupt you, either

he'll step in to help if you're really struggling, of course, but he thinks of you as capable

he does remind you to take breathers when you're getting too anxious about it, though

he cares <3

[mwahsturns]

First choice // Matt Sturniolo Pt 1

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

Contains: cussing, fluff, flirting, talk of death, Semi-proof read! I think that’s it let me know if there’s more! Also if there’s any grammar or spelling mistakes please ignore them 😭🙏🏻

Synopsis: Y/n works at a record store and one day while she’s working two very cute guys walk into the store but one especially catches her eye and later so happens they end up having more then just there music taste in common ;)

Word Count:1,890

Author’s notes: Hii bbys !! <3, So I’ve never written a fic before or posted on tumblr, So I’m sorry if this is bad I’m new at this please go easy on me😭🙏🏻. If you guys have any suggestions, tips or advice please message me I hope you enjoy my new series!!, this took me a very long time to come up with so I hope you love it💗.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

The sound of music always brought me peace, I work at a record shop because I love being around vinyls and just anything music related really. I also really enjoy reading It's always brought me a sense of comfort as well as writing and poetry. Honestly it makes me really happy, and ever since I was a kid I've always written songs and maybe sang a little bit but that’s a secret. I don't know what it is but I always feel like it helps me forget about everything that’s wrong in my life, my parents died when I was 16 so it’s always been just me and my two little brothers. I love them more than anything and I'd do anything for them. Today was just a regular day at work I was putting vinyls on the racks that they go on when two guys walk into the store, I look over and give them a soft smile.

‘hii welcome let me know if you need any help finding any artist or vinyl specifically’ they smile at me and nod as one of the boys catches my eye, I’m a very shy person so I decided not to say anything unless I needed to. After a couple minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and saw the guy who caught my eye standing in front of me. ‘hi um i wanted to ask you something’ he seemed very nervous but also very confident weird mix. ‘yes of course how can i help you’ I smiled softly at him hoping to make him more comfortable, ‘do you happen to have “circles” by Mac miller’ he says as he does a side smile. I smile at him as I think about how I also enjoy mac miller.

‘yea over here!’ i walk over and pull it off the rack, ‘this is one of my favorites’ i say chuckling, ‘i really like this one’ he says turning the vinyl around. ‘what other artists do you like?’ ‘i really like d4vd and um frank ocean oh! Omg Dominic Fike omg Tyler the creator?! is so amazing and oh my god i'm rambling im so sorry’ I blushed getting a little nervous, ‘nah you're good’ he smiles as I look up at him and smile softly. We stand there until the guy he came with comes up to him ‘woah you guys twins or am I dumb?’ ‘nahh triplets’ he says laughing ’oh cool” i say and start checking them out. ‘You're the first to not ask us a million and one questions about being triplets’ he chuckles, ‘yea nah y'all will tell me over time’ I smirk i say with my boston accent coming through a little.

‘oh so you plan on getting to know us’ he smirks a little ‘oh totally y’all look cool’ I laugh, ‘you're from boston?’ The other guy says noticing my backpack in the back with the Boston logo. ‘yes i am’ i laugh ‘us too!’ ‘What's your name?’ The guy who got my eye says ‘I’m y/n’ ‘cool im matt and hes chris’ ahh Matt hot guy hot name. ‘cool!’ I hand them the bag and me and Matt make eye contact, ‘have a good day’ ‘thanks you too’ matt says smiling at me. They walk out and i really hope i see them again.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

  I finally got to clock out of work It was so tiring and I needed to make sure my little brothers were ok. I get to my car and get settled in and connect my phone to the aux and play “Ivy” by Frank Ocean. I’m so glad to be going home I think as I started driving I decided that I was gonna pick up a pizza for my little brothers because I got paid today and I know how much they love pizza. We aren't broke completely but we definitely struggle sometimes recently things have been rough but I finally got a promotion so it's getting a little easier I got the pizza and started heading home I got home and when i opened the door and my brothers cody and alex run up to me and ‘sissyyyy we missed you’ alex says hugging me, ‘aww i miss you too bud’ ‘sissy you bought pizza!’ Cody says looking like his eyes are gonna pop out of his head. 

 

i walk over to alexa who’s been my best friend for years, she helps me with my brothers and just around the house ‘thank you so much lex’ i say hugging her ‘Of course love that's what best friends are for’ she says smiling softly ‘wanna spend the night and when i put them to bed we can talk?’ ‘yeah okay sure’ Alexa smiles at me while i feed the boys.

I start to give the boys a shower and as i’m showering cody he looks up at me with the biggest smile on his face. ‘sissy I wanna be just like you when i grow up.’ He says playing with the bubbles, ‘aww little c i love you a lot bub and i know one day you’ll be even better than me’ i say tearing up, cody has always been more clingy to me than Alex is but not as much, cody doesn’t like to leave my side and he is the sweetest kid ever. Him saying he wants to be like me does hurt a little because I've been through a lot of shit but the fact that I look strong in his eyes makes up for it all. I put them to bed and Me Alexa got some wine and took a seat on the couch.

‘So how was your day?’ She says sitting next to me. ‘it was good omg lex these two really cute brothers came into the shop and oh my god girl’ I say blushing thinking of Matt ‘speaking of cute brothers you know the guy i was talking to?’ ‘yes why?’ ‘this is him and his brother I’d think you like him’ she turns her phone and pulls out a picture.

‘hold up hold up let me see that?!’ i say taking the phone from her ‘omg thats the cute guys that came in today’ ‘Omg?! yeah i've been talking to chris for a minute now’ ‘matt’s pretty attractive just sayin’ I couldn’t help myself but blush i don’t know what’s wrong with me fuck Y/N get it together. ‘oooo y/n has a crush?’ ‘oh shut the fuck up’ ‘oh come on you haven’t had a boyfriend since your parents died’ she says starting to get serious, ‘i know but my brothers mean the world to me lex i need to make sure there ok i don’t have the time’ I would love to give Matt a chance but i don’t know.

‘your brothers would want you to be happy y/n/n’ she says rubbing my knee, ‘I know but it's not about me being happy i need to make sure there happy i have to be a mother figure to them they need me’ ‘i get that babes but you need to remember you lost them too your only 20 rasing two kids you need to be a kid too especially since you were forced to grow up so quick’ i look at her and nod I mean I understand where she’s coming from but my brothers are all I know. ‘i love you y/n i'm just looking out for you ima head to bed goodnight love’ ‘night babes’ as she walks off and goes to into the guest room i kinda sit there think about what she said and i mean she's right but i can’t risk something happening to my brothers.  I head upstairs and head to bed because i have another day of work but holy fuck thank god it's friday. 

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

I woke up the next morning only because my alarm for work went off and i see it’s 9:44 so i know Alexa is getting my brothers ready for school I get out of the bed and i started to get ready for work. I finished getting ready for work when my younger brother Cody came into the room with tears in his eyes. ‘sis…’ he says in a sad tone I turned around quickly and scooped him into my arms ‘aww what's wrong love?’ i say concerned.

‘i don’t wanna go to school i wanna stay home with you can you please skip work..’ he says in a whiny tone, ‘Aww bub i wish i could help but you know the rules’ When i got custody of cody and alex the court gave me really strict rules to follow, i had to make sure they were always at school, they weren’t falling and that i kept a stable job and make enough money or else they would take them away. ‘I know but i hate being at school kids are mean to me and alex’ i look at him feeling bad but i don’t wanna risk losing them. ‘I’m sorry bub if i could keep you and alex with me 24/7 forever i would’ i say hugging him tightly.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

i got to work over an hour ago and to say its boring is an understatement. Just as i think that i hear the bell ring meaning someone walked into the store, i look up ready to greet them and i realize its matt. ‘Matt? Hey’ i say smiling. ‘Hey um i know this might be weird but i um.. Well so my brother chris the one that was with me last time uh i found out that the girl hes been talking to happens to be your best friend right?’ ‘yeah shes my best friend’ ‘well um she kinda encouraged me to come back..’ ‘what do you mean?’ ‘well i uh wanted to see if you were willing to go out with me… you don’t have to its o-‘ he starts to say but i cut him off. ‘Sure why not’ i say smiling i don’t know what happened but he was too sweet for me to say no to.

‘Wait really?’ ‘yea i mean i can’t deny you are pretty cute..’ ‘well thank you’ he laughs damn something about the way he laughs i dont know but it feels almost addicting to listen to. ‘Uh are you free saturday?’ ‘yeah i am’ i smile ‘sweet! Ill text you’ ‘okay bye matt’ ‘bye” he blushed a little bit as he left the shop. Shit who’s gonna watch cody and alex?!                                                                   

Author’s notes:heyyy I’m back! So I hope you enjoyed the first part of this series and I’m sorry if there was any typos, spelling mistakes, etc I’ll try to fix the ones I can if I miss anything please let me know but I hope you enjoy and have a great day 💋

[zetsubobu]

"The party is about to begin now! Is my outfit sitting right?"

Groovification: "oh I know that song! Rose of the night, was it? I only needed a second to recognise my fathers piece of music"

Set Home Screen: "do you think white and blue suits me?"

Home Idle 1: "I wonder if callisto is here somewhere... I haven't spotted him so far!"

Home Idle 2: "ahh how I wish I could play alongsides the musicians here! They look like they're having a blast!"

Home Idle 3: "I've never been much of a dancer myself, I always trip over my feet"

Home, after login: "is that you, prefect..? Sorry, I can barely see without my glasses haha..."

Home Idle Groovification: "it seems some students really can't help but pick fights with the royal sword academy even during the dance... *sigh*"

Home Tap 1: "Ace insisted that I don't use my glasses so that my face stands out more but now I can barely see anything... Contact lenses..? I wish I could use them but I'm allergic to those."

Home Tap 2: "this food is so delicious, the chefs really did a phenominal job. I wish the cafeteria food would taste as good as this."

Home Tap 3: "I get a bit nervous when wearing white suits like these, I always fear I could get dirt on them by accident!"

Home Tap 4: "I still can't believe deuce got chosen as a prince for the evening. His eyes were so wide, I worried they might fall out, when he got the news"

Home Tap 5: "you look beautiful with your gown, you really should consider taking a photo of yourself and post it on magicam! I'm sure the comments will agree with me."

Home Tap Groovification: "the belle of the night, huh? I'm not sure if I should participate in it... only if you do!"

..................................................

The Glimmering Soirée event was created by @starry-night-rose !

Honestly it was really fun to imagine it with marvolo! I do plan on drawing a groovy art one day but not now. Who knows, maybe I will do callisto as well

[ouiouibaguettt]

Love beneath the shirt pt.2

Jana Fernandez x Aria O’Hara (oc)

@liverpoolfan96​ here is the part2!!

warnings: no one

words: +1k

Masterlist - part.1

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ARIA’S POV:

When I messaged Jana, a week after our match, I couldn't remember ever having been so nervous in my life. I was at Lola's house that night with Carmen and Virginia, and I saw that my phone had vibrated. When I looked at it to see what was going on, I had a sudden rush of heat.

@janafernandez3 liked your story @janafernandez3 replied to your story: 😳😳

The story in question was a photo of me lifting weights that the team photographer took. "I think she has a crush on you Ari" Carmen said to me as she appeared behind me. "AHH!" I exclaimed, jumping up with my phone in my hands. "You scared me Carmen never do that again" I said with my hand in my heart after grabbing my phone in midair. "Oops?" she apologized as she sat back down next to Virgina. "Do you think I should ask her out like tomorrow night?" I asked Lola, "I think it would be good for you two to get to know each other a bit more" she said as she thought about it "And you'll be cute together" she added as she pinched my cheeks. "Yes, look at baby America and baby Spain together!" she said a little too excitedly. "Well I'll ask her then" I said with a little nervousness in my voice.

//

It was time for my meeting with Jana, I would be lying if I said I wasn't stressed. I was currently at the meeting point, looking at the latest stories and posts on instagram, when I spotted her. "Hey Jana" I said as I stood up to greet her, "Hi Aria" she said, "Are you ready to go?" I asked "Yes I'm ready, let's go I've been looking forward to this since last night" she admitted as she looked down at the ground, her cheeks flushed "Is that true?" I asked pleasantly surprised, "Of course I was looking forward to it Aria, don't doubt it" she said as she looked at me with a beautiful smile. "Thank you, your smile is very cute too" she told me as she started to walk forward. "I spoke loudly right?" I asked blushing, catching up with her "Yes but it's cute" she said.

//

I don't know how much time has passed since then but I know I don't want it to stop. "Why did you choose to be on loan this season? "she asked, "Honestly, I always looked up to my sister Kelley, growing up, and it was through her that I discovered the sport but the thing is, I'm younger and less experienced than her, so despite the games I play whether they're good or bad I get compared to her, At Gotham FC I wasn't Aria O'Hara, I was Aria, the little sister of the big star Kelley O'Hara, and that played a lot on my mind because I can't talk to my sister about it and that's how I ended up in the club office asking for a loan. "I admitted. "It must have been very complicated, but I'm glad you went on loan here in Spain," she said. "Why Atlético de Madrid anyway? Were there no other clubs? Not that I'm criticizing, I'm just wondering?" she added. "I'm glad I was loaned out here too, I must admit, I've met some very nice people" I confessed. "And I don't really know, I just know that it was a good team and that I could only get better as the season went on" I said. "Great meetings eh? Who are they?" she asked. "Virginia, Lola and Carmen are definitely nice to meet but I was surprised by this beautiful girl from Barcelona" I admitted, "Oh yeah? And what is this girl like off the field?". Hm, I don't know, what are you like off the field?" I asked with a small smile. "I don't know, I'd say, adorable, cute, nice" she said, sticking her tongue out at me. "You forgot beautiful" I admitted.

When I pulled out my phone, I was shocked to see that it was already 00:46. "Should we go? You have practice tomorrow and I don't want your team to arrive in Madrid because you didn't sleep much because of me" I asked, "Yes you're right" she said as she got up from the sand and held out her hand to help me up. "Anyway I loved this evening with you. I can't wait to do it again soon," she admitted, smiling at me, "I also enjoyed the evening with you, Jana. And I can't wait to do it again," I admitted, imitating her smile, "Go on, I think Bruna will be worried if you don't," I added, "Oops, have a good flight home and let me know when you've landed. Good night Linda" she said kissing my cheek before walking in the opposite direction of me. "Good night Jana" I said a little late.

//

"I still can't believe you flew to see a girl" is the first thing Virginia says to me when she sees me at the airport, "Wow, hello to you too how are you?" I say as I hug her. "Oops sorry, how are you? Did your flight go well?" she asked "Yes it did, my flight went well thank you" I said. "And to answer your question, what I can't believe is that it went very well and that she is also looking forward to doing it again soon" I said with great enthusiasm. "I'm glad it went well for you then" she confessed, putting her arm around my shoulders as we left the airport. "Off to the house now," she announced. "I can't wait to get back to my bed and the girls" I admitted between two yawns.

TO jana💙❤️ I'm home safe don't worry.

FROM jana💙❤️ Ok nickel, rest well tonight for your training, good night linda, x

TO jana💙❤️ Thanks, good night to you too Jana x

When I went to bed that night I had never been so happy in my life and I hope it lasts.

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[somewhereincairparavel]

https://pin.it/caK95hWmG don’t know if you know this but you have made it to Pinterest. how do you feel

yo i just checked this out and I'm blushing but embarrassed at the same time.The tags I put are included in the pin as well omgg (I kinda went all out agressive to the Jason haters in tags oop) and now its on Pinterest ahh Im honestly a lil nervous??

Cuz Pinterest ain't exactly pro Jason, so If I receive mean comments about my post then I wouldn't be surprised, but so far, the comments aren't unpleasant 👀

Thanks for letting me know that a piece of my Jason Grace legacy has expanded and transcended Pinterest anon ily 💕 😔✊

(all jokes aside this actually made my day!!)

[wri0thesley]

I am so sorry if this is invasive and weird, but may I ask what you work as? I'm at the stage where I have to build my future and I know you don't have an age specified but you seem to be doing really well (at least from the posts we've seen, again I really hope not to be invasive) for yourself and your partner and 25+ is still young! Again, I hope this isn't mean or weird, I'm just curious. (and severely nervous. First year of college is ruining me harder than any fictional man.)

ahh anon i'm afraid that the answer is probably not what you're looking for!

for the record, i am 27, i just find getting fandom older a little scary, especially having it listed right there!!!

i actually intended to be a performer and a singing teacher (my degree was going to be in music & musical theatre); unfortunately, due to a plethora of reasons (mostly my undiagnosed autism, unmedicated ocd/depression/anxiety combo, a nervous breakdown and my partner's physical health declining) i dropped out of my degree before the end of my first semester.

for about three years or so after that i was severely agoraphobic. talking 'can't answer the door' agoraphobic; 'never left the house alone, and even when with someone only went to the doctors and therapy' agoraphobic, 'rotted in my bedroom in an absolutely non romanticised way' agoraphobic. i was on the equivalent of disability because i literally could not function. meanwhile, my partner, who lived with me and my parents was getting physically worse whilst i was mentally struggling (since then haz has been diagnosed with ehlers danlos syndrome, fibromyalgia, lipoedema, thyroid issues and a lot of other things; they have a lot going on). i DID access several therapies, had . . . a couple of very bad relapses, went under crisis teams and all of that stuff (i had occupational therapy too which was HONESTLY i think one of the most useful things and helpful things for me in the long run; i cannot imagine what i would be like if i hadn't had the occupational therapist the crisis team found for me).

(coincidentally, if you are an og jojo follower you probably remember how bad it was; i've said it a hundred times, but running this silly little reader-insert blog probably helped save my life at a time when i had almost no contact with the outside world. i couldn't leave my bedroom, but i had my blog and i had my little internet friends and discord server).

i have gotten a lot better.

haz, unfortunately, has not gotten better physically and probably never will. they need help with a lot of things most people don't even realise disabled people might need help with. brushing their hair, fastening clothes . . . when haz first moved in, they were doing the same dance-intensive college course that i was. we danced maybe three or four hours a day. nowadays, haz needs me to hold their hand and keep them steady when they go from our bed to the bathroom (the room next door).

so i don't really 'work' as anything. well, my therapist would tell me off for saying that; the uk government classes me as an 'unpaid carer', which basically means i am on call for haz literally 24/7 and they pay me the pittance that is carer's allowance (carer's allowance assumes you care at least 35 hours a week, and pays you the privilege of about 45 pence per each of those hours. if, like me, you live with the person you care for and do more than those hours, it gets . . . yeah. oof. the government unfortuately know that most unpaid carers are loved ones and family members of the person who needs care and won't just stop doing it, and they'd be in the shit if we did because trained carers are expensive, so they can get away with that - FUCK the tories, honestly.

i am EXCEEDINGLY lucky that i live in a cheap area of the uk, that haz and i are internet savvy enough to be able to access carers/disability discounts, that we are in rent-controlled social housing (which my crisis team helped find for us because living with my parents was taking such a toll on us both, woo!!!!), and that we've been able to access services to help on the nhs. i got my autism assessment and diagnosis; haz is under several pain management teams.

all in all, i'm happy. i'm so much happier than i was seven years ago when i'd dropped out of university and felt like a huge failure, because all of my life i was a gifted overachiever and i thought my self-worth was tied to my academic achievements (and as an extension, what roles i got in what shows and when and who saw me and so on). i don't have a lot of money (i am a bargain shopped fgbnkjgjnfb) but i know what i like and because i'm Older Now (tm) i've amassed collections of it.

i am absolutely sure that you'll boss college, anon! that you will find that thing that works for you (one day i would LOVE to go back and get my degree! pre-covid i had an acceptance for a creative writing degree and i was getting ready to go back to uni as a mature student, but haz's health got bad again and then covid happens - and now ofc i have my autism diagnosis i can access so much more help!). but even if you don't, you can absolutely find happiness without 'traditional' success.

i don't have a lot in the grand scheme of things. but you're right in that i am doing pretty well, in terms of where i am, and where i've been. i have my own little home. i have my partner of ten years who is my soulmate in every conceivable way. i've had experiences that make me feel so happy i sometimes cry when i remember them. i have my own little cat now!!! things still stress me out. but i have come so so far and when i feel down i remember that.

good luck anon! i believe in you <3

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Alright, a couple of regular replies, and then some about Jade!

eh-nonnie-mouse asked:

I'm so nervous to de anon but your newest comic of Floyd/Idia comic is too cute! I'm sure Floyd totally doesn't have any ulterior motives once he realizes what position they are in.

This is such a silly thing to be nervous about since I write problematic content (mostly incest) and enjoy your Shroudcest stuff a lot. You have such a beautiful art style and I am so happy my anon blurbs (the Seb/Ceil and Fin/Ciel and some other NSFW stuff) make you two somewhat happy 😊. I know I don't interact with a lot but I hope to drop more chats in non anon.

Thank you so much! We really appreciate it <3

Floyd is super invested in that game he’s playing, but once they’re in this very convenient position, he’ll show Idia how much of a multitasker he can be >:3c He’ll impress him for sure.

And even though it’s going off-anon is an anxious thing to do, it’s good to see a person behind all those asks :) Nice to meet you!

Anonymous asked:

(Referring to your fem twst art) I absolutely NEED to see fem!Silver in Aurora’s 1959 commoner outfit! She would look so pretty!!! 🥺😍🥺😍

Ahh SHE WOULD, ANON, SHE REALLY WOULD!! And honestly this is my favourite outfit of Aurora.

I don’t have anything to show right now, but I really hope to draw fem!Silver in this dress. Even though she probably spent the majority of her time wearing pants…

Btw thank you for loving my fem!Silver, it means a lot ;w;

Anonymous asked:

In this household we love Jade ❤️

In all seriousness the fandom doesn't give him enough love, Jade is always the other woman when it comes to ships and worst of all it's always Floyd his own twin brother that gets the girl anyways. Make a donation to save Jade from second male lead syndrome 😢/j.

Ahh, poor Jade. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride… I can picture him sobbing quietly and wiping his tears with a tiny little handkerchief… :”(

To be fair, I think Jade finds his position quite advantageous: if everyone always pays attention to Floyd, he gets to not only act as if he isn’t the same when it comes to being chaotic and dangerous, but also have this element of surprise!

He also doesn’t flirt as obviously and as often as Floyd does, so we can blame Jade’s sneaky ways to collect his bottoms lol

Anonymous asked:

by chance, do you think Jade would like using idia as a lab rat? aka feeding him all kinds of mushrooms to test their effects and inevitably doing the affection +100 nighttime-activities command with a very drugged up idia

Anonymous asked:

I wonder if Jade being the awful guy he is (lovingly) would test out every single kink from A-Z on Idia?

Those are two different asks, but I feel like they are kind of connected because in my head to Jade testing out kinks and using someone as a lab rat are pretty much the same thing lol And to answer both of them: YES, Jade would absolutely do that if he had an opportunity. I guess the second option is more possible because it seems less dangerous, and I wanted to say that it would come first, but…. Honestly? With Jade it could go either way.

He could either start experimenting on Idia and it’d turn out sexual, or he’d start having sex with Idia, but then they’d end up experimenting somehow.

I don’t know what needs to happen for Idia to get stuck with Jade-the-shroom-guru and his tests, but Jade would be very excited. I mentioned it our other Jade/Idia posts, but: he would love to see if some mushrooms would change the colour of his hair or the way it burns. In this way, Idia is the most perfect lab rat ever – it’s so much fun! Not to mention how helpless Idia becomes when he’s drugged up… even more-so than he is usually~

[serverusslaype]

(This isn't an ask, I just wanted to remain anonymous.)

Hey, I just wanted to say that your writing is so moving to me and I'm very glad that you're back! The way you write is so captivating and it's like I'm right there in the moment, so big kudos to you :] Honestly, anyone sensible understands that we all need a break sometimes and there aren't really limits when it comes to needing time to get back on the horse. I'm sorry you were struggling for so long, but I can assure you that I, along with a couple other friends, just kept re-reading your beautiful work and anyone who took your hiatus the wrong way can step on a nail. I haven't read the newest chapter yet but I'm definitely nervous about it, considering what happened in Ch. 14 lmao. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to create this AU in the first place, it's truly been an emotional rollercoaster (in the best way) and I hope you're doing well; take all the time you need for the chapters, we'll devour whatever you feed us regardless of how much time passes in between chapters 🤭

hello, :)

this message made me emotional and i don't know why, probably because it was incredibly empathetic and i am but a sensitive, soppy soul, so thank you for taking the time to write this out. <3 i know it's been so long since i've posted (april i think?), i sort of go through phases of like 'YES NEED TO WRITE' and then something like 'ahh fuck, need to write, but don't know what or how to-', and it just like.. suuucks. honestly how do authors pump out whole ass trilogies in such a short period.. but either way i feel like i'm sort of, potentially,, back into a writing mood? testing the waters atm. i don't want to just write something just to get it out, you know what i mean? i want it to actually be... of somewhat good quality, so i try and only write when i want to, mentally?

and no, thank you!!! for even giving my ideas a chance, like i deadass just woke up one day and messily wrote that first chapter because it just slipped into my head and this all sort of got out of control LOL, but in all honesty, i love it, but sure-- there are some things i wish to/want to change but it will just take a verryyy long time and i will for sure lose motivation and just.. end up scrapping the whole thing so i'm forcing myself to not do that. and i'll probably end up wanting to go back to how it first was anyway haha. but again thank you so much for reading and supporting this and me, i appreciate and love you, so much. the internet can be such a daunting and scary place but in the corner of it all, there's you guys <3.

ok before i literally start crying imma head out. <3

(thank you again honestly i was not expecting these kinds of messages when logging back on :') )

i hope you have a fantastic day, anonymous, and everyone else that did read all of this gobbidigook above ^ <3

-mari x

[llycaons]

ep50 (4/4): super special extra reunion post time

I've said this already but for the uninitiated: I was a dumb idiot watching this for the first time and when this shot appeared I got all excited because for a split second I thought. I thought wwx was on one knee. like to propose 😭 obviously for several reasons that was not what was happening but I always think of it when they cut to this shot

ahh they're in the green of summer. growing things, life. not going towards winter. maybe the colors and season was why I think of jc and wwx's relationship as ending, but wwx and lwj's as persisting. that color symbolism is powerful

oh god those mountains are so gorgeous behind them

see he's wearing that patchy blue-black robe set from before! this could not have POSSIBLY been all in the same day.

anyway, bittersweet but ultimately for the best. not just wwx leaving to find some equilibrium in this world he's come back to, but lwj feeling the full force of his own affection and parting with wwx anyway. not exactly the same situation as lwj's parents were in, but significant all the same. wwx needs to be loved and cherished, but he also needs to be free. commitment (a collar) was something he feared in his previous life, and I don't think it's a stretch to say even now he's jumpy about it. after years of persecution and violence, letting him feel everything he needs to, establish himself in the world, and then come back when he's ready is one of the best things he can do for himself. staying in CR for a few weeks to rest and get ready to go back on the road made sense, but several things in cql point to CR not being wwx's preferred permanent home, especially the way this finale played out

lwj looks so beautiful in these shots my goodness. and he's not wearing all white anymore :)

wwx and lwj (and this shot) are SO dramatic I'm sure they didn't need to do All That. and yet they did. and I'm happy for it

ah but he'll still miss lwj. he plays the song as he goes - don't forget, I'll be back to ask about this. I still care about you. I won't forget either. I'll see you again

this must be a fragment of conversation from the walk up. I think wwx does know - he's teasing, and lwj is reassuring - yes, I know it. I've known it for a long time. I'll tell you, when you come back

one of the most formative pieces of meta I've read described the name of the song as lwj's confession piece, which is why I always find it odd that postcanon fics don't often incorporate it. I guess if you're not worried about censorship, you can just have them make out. but it's such an elegant and thematically appropriate mechanism of confession, and the deep significance it holds to the characters make it especially suitable. that's how I envision the confession happening

back to wwx after an unspecified amount of time, but definitely not the same day unless wwx very quickly and without stopping his music changed clothes. I think, minimum three months, max 12 . probably more like 6-8

reading get-togethers, I always get nervous about him standing right near the cliff edge. what if he falls! but he's easily 10 ft away from the edge so I guess I can rest my heart

on that topic, there's not much cover for them. if they wanna fuck it's going to be right out in the open. unless they pitch a tent or something ig

but honestly, if they never so much as kissed before this, they're probably going to take their time getting closer. they jumped right into intimacy in the book but even with their more consistent relationship here I think it would take a while. if they DID kiss in ep43, maybe not quite so long, but it's not like there's a rush. they're together, they'll go at their own pace. I feel like a lot of fics rush it, but sometimes the journey fun and exciting all on its own

ah this is so beautiful

HERE IT IS!!!

oh and he FREEZES. I always assumed they planned to meet, but he seems genuinely shocked here, so maybe not

aw I always liked this smile. a secret little thing, private and excited. anticipatory

and there he is with the 🥺 vibes. before he breaks out into the big smile, he just turns with that look like this is the most important thing he's ever looked upon

and there's that smile. he's okay, he's okay. we've come full circle, right down to a cliffside meeting. he's happy, and healthy, and ready. he made it! and now the next chapter of their lives can begin

man I don't even know what to say. it's the end! what a journey. what a performance from everyone. what a lot to digest. what a lot to love. what a lot of grieve. this story will be with me for the rest of my life no matter what. wei wuxian and lan wangji, always in my heart. I love you all

personal highlights:

when I picked up that jgy was giving lxc a test, that was neat

lqr, running up, yelling "running is prohibited! loud voices are prohibited!"

jin ling looking over for wwx with such a yearning expression on his face...

the entire scene in the autumn courtyard. TAKE CARE 😭

wwx being happy and playful with chenqing 😊

wwx happy crying!!! as is his right!

waving bye with his dizi like he did when he was young!

wwx's mid-forest crying really did hit me ugh xz was so good in this episode as he always is

lwj playing in the springs and wwx walking down to join him on dizi...what was happening there 👀

remembering their shared vow and 'you deserve to be wei ying' are like two of the highest points in the SERIES for me

wwx quoting the 'do not associate with evil' line to nhs lmao

I really do love the entire cliffside separation scene AND the reunion scene of course but of particular note

them being dramatic and going in opposite directions of a massive mountain

"When I return, you better have a name for this song"/"I have long known it."

wwx freezing when he hears his name in lwj's voice, the tiny smile, the slow turn, the big relieved grin. my god. my god. all of it.

everything is just so beautiful 😊🥰♥🎉🎇❤🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍 and love is real!!! thank you the untamed!!!!

[nancypullen]

September Eve

Ahh, September. She's on her way and there's so much promise in the month. I love it because it's my birthday month, but more than that, this will be the month that tips us into autumn. Our forecast is anything but autumnal, there's a heatwave heading our way, but I refuse to budge from my place of September joy. The sweetest grandgirl in the word has started kindergarten. School won't start in earnest until Tuesday (after Labor Day) but she had her phase-in day this week and she loved it. Her parents prepared her beautifully, covered every base they could think of, and I think they were far more nervous than she was. On the morning that they took her to school she hopped out of the car, chirped "Good morning!" to the police officer directing drop-off, and proceeded inside to run the show. She is a force. She may look like a fragile fairy princess, but she is confident and brave. What a girl! Upon graduating from preschool she was given the superlative "Most Likely to be Famous". When I asked her yesterday what the best part of the day was, she replied, "Dramatic play." I hope she remembers her Grancy in her Oscar speech someday. As for Grancy, I've been busy, busy, busy getting things ready for Artisans on the Choptank.

I need to get a pair from that last batch on the ears of a local cheerleader. That's free advertising. I should make a few pairs and send them to the high school. Today's mail brought my banner, all the way from China.

I'll steam those creases out and it will go on the front of my table. I've got an orange tablecloth so it will look like this.

I'm not sure that my wares will go over well in this area. I haven't seen a single woman in big earrings or any sort of statement jewelry. In fact, I don't think I've even seen a woman with lipstick on. I'm hoping that people from other counties will visit the event because these Denton gals are not a foo-foo bunch. I am definitely a fish out of water. Did I mention that I finally got my hair cut last week? Is anyone at all surprised that I felt like putting crime scene tape across the door of the salon afterwards? What that woman did to me should be illegal. You know that I've never been bashful about posting photos of my hair disasters here. This is so ugly that I will not put a picture on the internet. My hair had gotten very long. I knew that as a woman of a certain age that I should probably lop off a few inches. These are the photos I took as a reference.

I was looking for layers, a length that just brushed my shoulders, nothing too crazy. I also chose cuts that I knew would work with my mass of hair.

This is what I came out with. Not kidding.

The first layer on the photos I gave is sweeping, soft, and about cheek bone length - at the very least eye-level. She cut the top so short that I am walking around with a cloud of hair on top. It's awful. Thankfully my hair grows pretty fast, so by our October vacation I should be able to calm that top poof. I still can't believe what she did. I had even taken a photo of my hair before blow-drying to show her how curly it is. I should have asked to see her license because I think she might be a dog groomer. I may have received her signature cut.

And while we're on the topic of my hair, I'm just not in love with the white. I've tried it. I've tried it for a long time. I just don't love it. It still doesn't feel like me. I'm really leaning toward coloring again. I couldn't go dark, that ship has sailed for me. It would be as unflattering as the white. A medium or dark blonde would work. I have so many friends who have gone beautifully white or gray, and they've raved about the freedom of it. Honestly, I haven't felt that - I mean, not keeping up with roots, etc is nice, but it's not like I devoted massive amounts of time to it. I don't know, I'm on the fence. If I do color I'll certainly do it myself. Most salons here charge $100 for color! I can ruin my own hair for much less, thankyouverymuch. We'll see, there's no rush. It's not like anyone sees me, thank goodness. I'll stew on it awhile. I think at the heart of the issue is that I just don't feel vibrant with white hair. I look tired. I've started noticing women my age and older that are not gray and they look kind of fabulous. Then I look at my friends who have gone white or gray and they look fabulous too (I'm looking at YOU, Dina!). I suppose it's different for everyone, like red lipstick or a pixie cut. There are certainly more pressing problems in the world, so I'll think about that tomorrow. Fiddle-dee-dee.

My dinner timer just went off so it's time to take out the taco pie and spread a little sour cream on top and sprinkle it with shredded lettuce. Mickey is going to be a happy boy. I'll be back tomorrow, maybe with better hair. Doubt it. Sending out tons of love. Take what you need and pass it on. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[caspersickfanfics]

Late Arrival chapter 3 was incredible ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

With the way it went, I was expecting Cyno to be the one to have the anxiety attack at the prospect of going to the bimarstan, but then I was like "oh no, wait, Tighnari is the one getting the symptoms here!" Which I honestly love, because JUST IMAGINE THE STRESS HE'S UNDER! I truly thought Cyno was out of the woods after chapter 2, of course Tighnari also thought so, so Cyno suddenly getting sick again would of course freak him out. It's so much pressure on his shoulders, because essentially if things go south, Cyno's life is in his hands. And as he stresses in the chapter, he's not a doctor, he doesn't 100% trust his own judgement, but taking Cyno in would cause so much stress and- argh! The whole situation was just BAD, I completely understand why Tighnari crumbled under that pressure. He deserves some good, GOOD rest after all this, the poor boy 😭

I also just. I love the start. Cyno waking Tighnari up, and his little "I need to throw up." I loved that so much ahh!

Now I gotta sit down at some point and reread all three chapters as one!

HELLO I'm so glad you enjoyed it ahhh!!! I also just realized that I forgot to post your ask from chapter 2 which I feel awful about I am so sorry 😭 I'll release it from my drafts as soon as I'm done rereading this message 300 times ahaha

I'm so intrigued by this because some of the readers predicted Tighnari getting sick, but as the writer it honestly caught me off guard too 😂 but yes!! Exactly, he was just under so much pressure and he felt a bit trapped, knowing how resistant Cyno is to seeing an actual doctor. And he was so tired, not to mention the headache... poor Tighnari. I wish I knew how to write fluff because I feel like this story deserves a wholesome little epilogue where they both get some good rest in. I just. Have no idea what to do with a fic when the angst is gone lmao but I imagine they get lots of cuddles and perhaps have a friendly guest or two *cough cough* Kaveh and maybe Alhaitham *cough cough* come by to check in and make them both food. I like the idea of someone demanding Tighnari rest and he does but he gets really bossy. Like "You told me not to do anything so now you have to do all of it for me" >:)

I also really like the start of this chapter, so it makes me really happy that you liked it as well!!! <3

If you reread the whole thing, I just really hope it feels somewhat cohesive. That's the thing that makes me nervous about multi-chapter fics. It's tough, making sure they feel connected while also trying not to be too repetitive?? Idk, it's a new skill I'll have to acquire I guess!!

Thank you so much for all of your kind words, this really made my day!!! <333

[fairyhaos]

it's been me this whole time, yes! (im quaking in my non-existent boots as i'm typing this holy shit holy shit holy shi)

"i thought you said you were nervous 🤨" i like giving people fun little notes that lead them to me, rather than me instantaneously popping up in their inbox under my acc saying shit like 'THE MIGHTS HAVE BEEN REALITIED' over a post about thirteen men in a corn maze /j. and i fr was nervous even when i sent in an ask as 🌙!! but i just talked naturally and i found that maybe i ddddidn't need to hide behind anon. so i did the thing and here we are ohoho

while i do love talking to ppl and befriending them, doing it outright is super scary for me, so this stuff tends to happen haha. i hope it wasn't like annoying 😭 but hello from the real account !! it's me!!

; weiss "🌙 anon the enabler" v

hii there omg!! honestly haha even if you did just pop up into my inbox yelling about svt and corn mazes i would have loved it ^^ ahh but really, i totally get feeling nervous when talking to people- im glad you managed to gain the courage to reveal yourself tho hehe you're really sweet <33

[misc-obeyme]

Hi hi~ I just wanted to pop in to say I found you on Ao3 for The Threads That Bind (instant subscribe to that btw 😩💕) and I’ve been really enjoying all your writing, I’ve been chipping away at your master list during my free time and it’s just perfection- I was trying to be so normal making my little peach cobbler after that secret scene for Diavolo looorddd

The Threads That Bind of course is my fav so far!! I’m so so in love with your characterization of Barbatos and I’m a whore for forced proximity tropes

Anyway, hope you have a great evening!

Oh my... thank you so much!!

Tee hee that Diavolo scene was the first smut I posted and it seems to have gotten a pretty good response, so I'm glad I decided to go for it. I was so nervous about it lol. And I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying the rest of my masterlist, too!

It really makes me so happy that you're enjoying The Threads That Bind!! Honestly it's one of my favorite things I've written for Obey Me, so it just fills me with joy anytime someone likes it. I'm a bit nervous about posting some of the upcoming chapters, but hopefully it's just me being over anxious as usual. I'm also considering writing a spicy epilogue... but I haven't done that yet.

I am quite clearly Barbatos obsessed, but he really is my favorite to write for. His character is just so complex and subtle, it's a fun challenge for me!

Ahh thank you so much for this sweet message! It really means a lot to me to know you're enjoying my writing!! I hope you have a lovely evening, as well!

[gunsli-01]

Alright, let's get this set up in a somewhat digestible format. While also testing the waters. For people looking for more Mikoto info in particular this has some stuff on him within it but mostly gives a clearer idea on my experience with Milgram so far. Along with me being slightly unhinged. Soooo...woohoo...

Here's the set up. The next post will be the beginning of an in depth analysis of the two Celtic spreads found in MeMe. We will not only be analyzing them but delving into visual spin Mikoto put on the classic tarot cards with some insights his changes to them give us on his character.

There are two sets of ten cards. The first post on this will go over the first five cards in the first spread the second will finish off the first and give an overall interpretation of the reading. Then the same will be done with spread two. After we finish that then I’ll be attempting to break down the series of murders shown throughout MeMe.

Lastly, and my favorite part. We’ll finally be going over Mikoto’s character as a whole. Along with me just generally getting to talk about him without putting him beneath a microscope. Which I haven't gotten to do in weeks and still can't cause I'm stuck in tarot hell.

For those who don't read all of this and skip straight to the tarot I at least want to highlight and reiterate one part from here:

The point of Milgram is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to having their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

So, here's post 1. I will link the beginning of the tarot interpretation here when it's up.

So, when I started writing what has to be the longest character analysis essay, I've ever written... I remember in December when I was like yeah I can crank out a few pages on Mikoto it won't be that difficult I can get this done by new years. I've already gone through the tarot once too what's a second time typed up gonna do? Maybe even before Mu's song.

I was wrong. But back when I was young, hopeful, well rested, and happier. I wrote something of a Preface. Just to explain all of my biases up front and let people form an opinion on if they wanted to take anything I said on this seriously or not. What comes after this part is that Preface.

Okay, so this is going to probably seem insane, but I might as well get it out of the way just to break in the new year putting my best foot forward. Yes, this is my best foot forward. Now Mikoto has a lot of diehard fans and detractors for some reason…How can such a normal guy be so controversial? Really unlucky… Honestly. Because of his popularity I’m a bit nervous to put out anything on him even though he is my favorite. Believe it or not I can get shy when talking about things I genuinely like a lot because I don’t know how it’ll be perceived, and I can get very, very critical when I like something.

It is not a normal like situation. It doesn’t go I like you; you could do anything, and I wouldn’t care. It goes OH, YOU UNLUCKY BASTARD! YOU’VE CAUGHT MY ATTENTION I SHALL NOW EXPOSE YOU TO THE WORLD! IF ANYTHING, BAD HAPPENS TO YOU IT IS LIABLE TO BE BY MY HAND! I well wade through the façade to find the truth I’m seeking knowledge, I’m seeking your identity, I want to dive deeper.

Don’t misunderstand- It’s just natural to want to know everything about the person you like and get all torn up inside because you never can. That’s just love isn’t it~ Ahh it’s an incredibly damning feeling that love, the idea of soulmates all that trite nonsense. Because when people aggrandize others, they usually end up wanting to pull them down to their level. That sort of sadistic thing is just as much a part of love. The adult world is so cruel that way.

As such I’m going to do my very best to tear this man to shreds lovingly, okay?

So, let’s start with some context did I love Mikoto immediately? Was I like innocent he just has to be? He’s just so good looking he can’t fail, lol. Okay, to be honest when I got here, I thought Kazui was so good-looking cause of his broad shoulders that when watching Undercover and seeing the flash throughs with Star I went that’s Kazui I know those shoulders anywhere. Got damn he looks like he gives good hugs those shoulders…

Also, I like sorry cowards my apologies for the disappointment but when I saw Mikoto in MeMe I willfully ignored him. I had a visceral response to his song telling Star I hated it and never wanted to see him or hear it again. While also going he clearly killed three people… in an obviously premeditated way as well. So, yeah guilty. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m just not interested I’ll leave that to the people who are.

I came in around Amane’s first trial… Soooo I very much could’ve voted on Mikoto, but I just did not want to look at him at all. Actually, I still don’t know why that was, but he made me uncomfortable and annoyed. Despite his video involving multiple things I very much love baths, tarot cards, clouds, water, records, baseball bats… Hell even his song was a genre of music I’m partial too. Like jeez in retrospect I really don’t know.

I just did not want to even think about him, so I didn’t. That changed when YouTube recommended me an English cover of his first song, and I was like now hold on… Those Sisters You Know really did a good job on that lyrics wise. Like it just hit different okay. I was listening to that cover every day having first job flashbacks and wondering huh why did I hate this guy again this is a complete mood actually.

After that I fell into an over analyzing loop for several months. Before I had pulled a nothing to see here and once we do that my brain just deletes the information since it’s been deemed irrelevant. Incredibly convenient skill to have. Yet, as it piqued my interest music wise, I was like well hold on…I have to know everything about this specifically now. Something that none of the Milgram characters had managed to achieve at that point.

To an extent I was pretty much like there’s nothing to see here at all when I was dragged into Milgram by Star. She showed me Mahiru’s first trial song like I really just want you to see this one and my immediate response was, “Are you trying to say something about me?!” We’ve been partners for years and this is what you lob at me what are you getting at? To which she had to dryly explain no I just think she’s neat and you love mystery things and putting together stuff so I wanted your opinion on what you think is going on here.

Then I got a rundown of the situation and was like ah okay. Then went through one through six giving all my thoughts on what they did and how I would’ve voted if I was there as she explained the results. I was surprised to hear from Star that none of the things I was saying to her had come up in the fandom as far as she saw.

As Star showed me Milgram my experience was basically

Weakness: Guilty. Committed murder for attention. Next.

Later down the line I asked Star about the reasoning behind Haruka’s trial one Innocent Verdict. It was after we watched Bring It On and she told me about Futa’s verdict. I needed to understand why Haruka was voted Innocent/Forgiven but Futa was not. Weirdly long before Futa asked us that same question in Back Draft. Why did Haruka of all people get a pass when we see him kill directly? That was the first thing that piqued my interest.

However, I was pretty disappointed by the answer Star provided and maybe to some people this will seem like a reduction of the actual reason behind prevailing consensus. Yet, what I gathered from her explanation was that he was voted innocent due to Autism. Particularly, people assuming he had a learning disability the most speculated one being Autism. Now, my response to this information was to go, um…that’s ableist right? Like, just because it’s helpful to him in this circumstance does not mean ableism isn’t present.

That’s just infantilizing and belittling his intelligence. Having a learning disability doesn’t suddenly exempt a person from knowing murder is wrong. It’s the same as using a person’s age as an excuse. Made even funnier that Haruka is treated more like a child than the literal child is. So…it’s not like that interpretation is that far off or difficult to get to. Plus, do people even critically engage with who benefits from these sorts of excuses and when they’re extended? 

 Because they aren’t applied indiscriminately. A perfect example of this in Japanese media in particular comes from something else Star and I were watching when she recommended Milgram. Higurashi Sotsu and the character Satoko a lot of people in that fandom got angry and found the concept that Satoko would become a villain all because she had a difficult time studying insane. Like she should have just studied harder ignoring everything else that occurred in Gou and Sotsu up until that point.

Even some going as far as creating a completely different reason for her actions. Because having trouble focusing, studying, and being ostracized in a new environment after being taken away from the people and things that brought you comfort weren’t good enough reasons. Ryukushi-07 also has a tendency to write about neurodivergent coded characters like Maria in Umineko and Satoko herself can be considered coded that way through sotsu and gou. The excuse extended to Haruka in trial one was definitely not extended to her by the Higurashi fandom.

So, it’s not surprising that same courtesy was retracted in trial 2. Sorry, to rain on your parade but disabled people of color from any minority group are not extended those same benefits of the doubt and rarely have their impairments or age taken into consideration if they even reach a trial. So, this is when I went oh well people are gonna people glad to see some things still haven’t changed. This is what Milgram’s bias looks like. It’s almost a perfect reflection of the performatively politically correct space we live under today and highlights the pervasive biases that continue to disenfranchise many that go overlooked.

All we’re missing is overt ableism, racism, and sexism disguised as feminism and we’d have everything that’s wrong with performative morality. (Star just informed me one of these things is just Yuno.) So, my interest was piqued around here but mostly from a sociological standpoint.

Yet, I was mostly ticked off. Media is supposed to be a form of escapism for many people and I found a lot of the issues that people usually use media to escape from pulled to the forefront in Milgram through its voting system. I came in and was like this series probably isn’t saying a damn thing special. Reluctantly after telling Star I wouldn’t watch it multiple times because well I was a mad at her and she kept asking. I had every reason to hate this series given what was going on around our relationship at the time she presented it to me and didn’t really think taking something lightly could end up saying a great deal about society as whole.

Umblical: Guilty. It was clear to me from the very first video that she attempted to entrap someone in a relationship through the use of a pregnancy then committed murder when that failed. Possibly multiple times.

Later, Star told me people assumed she got an abortion. Because the woman that was clearly in a sector of sex work knew nothing about contraception. That and she may have had family issues. I said oh so they thought she was stupid. That’s insulting and then people continued to think she was stupid. So, some things never change but my opinion of her did. She’s the only person here with a consistent character and seems to be incredibly considerate but not hesitant to go after the things she wants by any means necessary. I find that endearing and respectable and really wish she’d get a 50/50 since regardless of what she did I respect her want for us not to give our opinion on it.

It’s only polite to shut up and say nothing when no one asked you to speak. Yuno not only never asked us to speak but openly asked us not to. Her character description even states she dislikes being psychoanalyzed. She sort of reminds me of Kotono Kashiwaba from Caligula Effect but I can’t really figure out why yet. I haven’t finished the game at this point and right now we’re only up to Ike-P but I just get that feeling.

 Bring It On: Innocent due to lack of information. I haven’t seen a murder. I don’t know what happened here. Having a flop Twitter account and making callouts is not murder or a crime at all. So, innocent. Then Star tells me the actual outcome and the reasoning behind it and this is when I start to get a bit heated.

Basically, went what do you mean guilty on the grounds of his actions allegedly leading to someone taking their own life??? Because they were just involved in someone’s death. It doesn’t say they directly caused them to die which means indirect involvement is on the table. Ha, ha, oh my fucking god that’s rich considering the dude that clearly killed a dog and a child was given a pass. Did that with his whole chest but he’s good. Alright, alright… I literally went back and pointed out all the kills Haruka was directly responsible for in his first mv going but this was passable. At that point don’t even try to justify it just say you don’t like Futa that’s less insulting.

Like I discussed in the part on Weakness I found this way of thinking inherently unfair. The benefit of the doubt and consideration extended to Haruka was completely absent for Futa. A lot of people want to say this is because he didn’t appear sorry. But, what gives others the right to decide when someone is really sorry or not. Futa’s entire voice drama goes into how you can’t tell how someone is feeling or what they’re thinking based on how they behave outwardly alone and that’s all anyone did when it came to him.

Not many people extended that same courtesy or empathy. They didn’t attempt to look deeper because no one cared to and that’s sad. Start didn’t see anyone go hey that’s clearly a kid with anxiety who’s attempting to garner validation through social media possibly due to a lack of external validation in his actual life. Something tackled in the writer’s previous game Caligula Effect Overdose with the character Naruko Morita. Who does the same sort of things Futa does if not worse. Because she literally outs a trans person on social media, takes pictures of people without their knowledge, and looks up someone work application to then go oh they’re not as good looking in real life let’s tell their fans so they no longer like this musician.

Like these are things she does repeatedly throughout the game. She is a terrible person and in the game she’s your teammate. She has a social link and reasons for the way she behaves. She’s obnoxious, annoying, egotistic, inconsiderate, a snoop, has an aversion to criticism, low self-esteem, and is easily dissuaded from doing things she enjoys if it’s not immediately praised or faced with scrutiny.

She goes out to eat popular limited time items at shops just to post food reviews about it after one bite. She doesn’t even post her own opinion on it at times but instead goes by reviews others have left already while giving a little bit of a different perspective but not really. Then if you say no to her being on the team because she basically airs out your entire organization on social media for likes, so everyone now knows who you are, what you look like, your name and all of your teammates information you’re treated like the heartless asshole.

Hm, it’s like she doxed you and it has real life repercussions and makes your life harder. It continues to make the lives of everyone she does this to harder and in instances is retraumatizing for many of them. All I’m saying is if you play this game and end up liking her but still hate Futa then you don’t dislike doxing you just hate men. Point blank. At which point I hope you enjoy Ayana.

After Pain: Guilty, I didn’t and still do not believe she’s sorry. Plus, the person she killed was uninvolved. When Star told me she was voted Innocent. Well, I couldn’t really say I was surprised given certain universal truths but- When she explained it was because people were saying it’s because she’s clearly a lesbian and that person she stabbed told everyone she was which led to her bullying.

I kind of went well isn’t that sort of justifying someone getting murdered or in blunter terms just victim blaming. Even if the victim did do that which I’m doubtful of that does not justify murder. Like people really immediately went we trust Mu she’s a victim now what did this clearly evil girl do to deserve to get stabbed, huh?! I found that kind of odd, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking that about me or anyone I love if they were murdered. Plus, given the circumstances I grew up under it’s very common to see that sort of mindset pushed on specific types of victims of brutal crimes. Just saying; it’s really not interrogated often enough who the whole what did they do to deserve it mentality benefits and hurts.

Ultimately, I found the whole concept kind of cruel. However, I guess as we’ve learned Es is the sort of Guard that abhors a person doing something that may have inadvertently led to someone taking their own life more than very purposefully taking someone else’s life with your own two hands. Taking into consideration the response seen in the English speaking part of the fandom this mindset is showcased twice throughout the first trial with the only noticeable outlier being Kazui.

Throw Down: Guilty he asked to be voted that and I respected it. Also, he was organ harvesting from his patients. Like what? Innocent is this some reverse psychology nonsense well okay at least he already feels bad.

This is how to be in love with you: Innocent due to lack of information. I can’t punish someone for something I do not understand I genuinely don’t know what she did. I assume she poisoned someone since she works as a florist, cooks, and mentioned herbal remedies. However, I just knew too little at the time.

What do you mean they thought she was so clingy her partner committed suicide, so she was voted guilty? I’m sorry so what I’m understanding is stabbing a woman in cold blood is okay but indirectly causing someone to end their life through social error is a irredeemable sin? That last girl stabbed another one purposely and that first guy killed a dog and kid-

Half: Guilty but also- That dudes incredibly good looking and has nice broad shoulders that is certainly an impressive physical build look at him in that uniform- Hears the song oh my god he’s an emotionally unavailable and dishonest coward too just my type! Guilty I know in my heart what he did was fucked up but got damn I’m hoping it’s fucked up at this point- not me literally getting chills at the let’s make it victim and assailant line in Cat like boy howdy don’t say such things oh no. Is this how people feel when Yuno says Come Marco I’ll Polo?

It certainly doesn’t help that Kazui’s demeanor and communication habits remind me a lot of Star and I end up feeling a little bad for him but slightly want to watch him squirm as well. Truly, it’s the emotionally unavailable quiet ones you gotta be careful with. They have such intense emotions but they hold them back to the point they can’t express them and then the right person pushes and boom it’s like a pistol accidentally discharging. People who bottle up their emotions like that for as long as it seems he has well when they blow a gasket it’s like a volcano and I want to be in lava range.

Innocent I- well I’m fine with this you saw that up there you know why I'm fine with it we don't have to talk about it but like why??? Because they believe he’s gay and was in a very loveless and performative marriage while also assuming his actions just led to his partner committing suicide or an accidental death. Wait why is that okay here but with the other two it’s not… It’s cause he’s hot and seemingly pathetic ain’t it? Lol, that dude is not as weak as he presents but have fun with that when it comes up I suppose. Good liar my ass...

Magic: Guilty even asked Star to vote on it. So, I was made aware of how to vote at this time. This was not because I want her to be punished but I didn’t believe anything could be solved through agreeing with her and I honestly don’t think agreeing with her will solve anything now either, but it will maybe stop her from getting jumped. Maybe? Though I’m unsure about that because Kotoko has jumped people who were pardoned before sooo... That and Amane told us not to treat her like a child.

I believe it’s a bit unfair or shortsighted of her to ask us to respect her agency in her own life, that she chose to make these decisions, and yet at the same time ask to not be held accountable for them if we feel her behavior was wrong because she answers to a higher power. Her mindset on her killing and being considered a murderer highlight her immaturity to me. Those aren’t two separate things but childishly and stubbornly she attests that they are. Being an adult is recognizing that regardless of if you had a good reason, or a higher law you abide by other adults don’t need to care about those things when judging you they can just objectively judge the actions you took. It truly is that simple. To me it just seems like she didn’t really know what she was asking for when she said that. Like she equates being an adult with gaining respect but it's more than just that.

Amane’s situation really reminds me of that song by Maaya Sakamoto More than Words, particularly these lines, “Isn’t freedom painful? I’ve become an adult, haven’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? I’m now alone, aren’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? Endlessly so…” Because a lot about being an adult is being able to stand on your own by the decisions you choose. The respect you get from others is fickle at best and never really equates to understanding or empathy. In a way as we age, we become more and more emotionally isolated when it comes to social communication and consideration. Because the patience and consideration that is frequently extended to children is not given to adults since they’re meant to know better by then and not need that sort of care.

Adults have the freedom to make their own choices and have that agency recognized. However, many times that agency we yearned for so badly is weaponized against us in small and insidious ways. Causing adults to become more emotionally closed off, socially defensive, or calculating. An adult would never ask to have their choices looked at while taking into account that they chose to do those things they’d simply tell the person accusing them to figure out why they did it or take into consideration their circumstances. Not pull a don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. They would know that their main focus should be endearing themselves by any means necessary like Mu attempts to do or lean on their legal rights.

So, I really feel like Amane was her own worse advocate during trial one and it ended up biting her in the butt. Also, another song that I feel properly exemplifies that feeling of emotional isolation one faces with age but isn’t as somber I think is “Love I need” by The Living Tombstone.

MeMe: Abstained due to a vague sense of hatred. I literally told Star to never show this to me again and not to bring him up I don’t have an opinion, I don’t care, I’m glad that’s over was my immediate reaction to MeMe. [Star: She said that she didn’t like the song, him as a character, and it was obvious that he committed several murders. So, there was nothing left to look into.] Afterwards I promptly deleted the information from memory until finding that cover song.

Harrow: Guilty she literally did the same thing Futa did just in a more direct way. She also seemed to jump people who had already been put on trial and had a decision on their actions handed down. Even openly said apologizing meant nothing. I’d rather give a pass to the person who says just say sorry then the one who goes lol it doesn’t matter if you try to make amends now no second chances ever once a bad guy always a bad guy.

I put all this to show that even before I was actively posting Milgram stuff on here. I did have opinions on all this that have only developed over time. As much as I came out swinging in the oh I really like Mikoto camp. I really did not want to see this dudes face when I first saw him. Like I feel as though I’m being a bit of a broken record. I said the same with Haruka. Yet, with Mikoto there was a bit of hatred there. Like a knee-jerk reaction that I couldn’t even pinpoint and didn’t want to interact with. Something, I still don’t really have an explanation for.

Even still before this I was spending months talking to Star over the phone sifting through the music videos reading the conversations and literally burning out all my investigative skills on it. Something I believe she knew I’d do when she brought it to my attention and asked, “What do you think happened here?”

Now here I am trying to churn out an entire essay on the guy. Certain characters can grow on you. However, with Milgram there’s this feeling that such a fondness like that can be broken. The point is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to have their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

I feel like being shut off, isolated or just stubborn about one’s own opinion is unfair to the social experiment aspect Milgram is trying to pursue. That’s just me personally. I really hope that by the end of this there is interesting data collected. We can vote any way we want at the end of the day. Not everyone has to take into consideration what the characters did or how bad it is objectively.

Yet, for people to trick themselves into believing the vote doesn’t matter, this is all in good fun, and no one will be held accountable for the outcome in any way is negligent and blatant denial. The verdicts have a direct impact on the sort of place Milgram is currently and could become. It's a direct reflection of the will of the fanbase. If we vote a certain way the creators take that into consideration. They seem to not just take the winning verdict into consideration but pay attention to responses from both sides overall. They’re paying attention. So, it’s incredibly short sighted to assume our collective judgement regardless of how you vote or if you chose not to doesn’t reflect on the entire fanbase in some way.

I’m not saying this to be a Debby Downer or go really interrogate why you’re voting this way. I’m saying all this to get one point across if you’re going to vote seeped in bias the least you can do is express what those biases are in your own unique way. That’s what will make this all the more fun for everyone. I don’t care if you choose to vote guilty, innocent, or abstain, but at least vocalize why that is. Especially for people choosing to abstain since that’s more difficult to gauge since it is just not an option and the closest thing to abstaining would be attempting to get a fifty/fifty.

I know not everyone is willing to be that out there with their feelings and that sort of thing isn’t fun for everyone. Though even just discussing it privately with friends, people you trust and feel comfortable around is enough. All I want personally is for people regardless of how or why they vote to look at these characters for what they are and give them the opportunity to surprise you outside of your personal opinions like with actual people. All these characters will probably disappoint someone at a point but I feel like if you keep a healthy sense of realism and treat them in an unidealized way that will help in not causing resentments towards the series or the people who work on it down the line.

Some of these resentments are already present in the fandom and being used to create a reflection of the writer that could be wholly inaccurate. Personally, I don’t find that sort of approach to be fun or fair. However, it very well could be to some. Yet, at times I find it incredibly disheartening to see. My hopes in writing all of this and thoroughly attempting to analyze my fluctuating feelings on Mikoto may tackle why that is in some way. Even if the problem isn’t firmly rooted within the interpretations around his character but extends to the entire cast.

Though it’s like Jackalope said he certainly did cause a bit of trouble.

I hope this has been a good prelude of what’s to come and helped whoever may have read this far better understand my personal perspective on Milgram. This post didn’t focus on Mikoto as heavily as I would have wished but served to properly build an understanding of what one may be getting into when it comes to my analysis of his character.

I hope by displaying my biases and feelings on all the characters that one can decide whether reading what comes after this is for them or not. Regardless of if you continue to read or go back to this post from the ones that precede it, I appreciate you reading my ramblings.