#ah crap i just realize i lost all the alt tags

[ronaldreaganfan]

Reagan Reviews #1 -The Killers (1964)

i watched this movie a few months ago and honestly it was VERY confusing and,, not that good. basically the synopsis is (MAJOR SPOILERS): these two hit men (the killers i guess) kill this guy, but he wasn’t very resistant? and that was weird to them. so they go figure out a little mystery!

there’s a lot of flashback segments about this race car driver and ronald reagan’s girlfriend who i guess he’s letting get with other guys or whatever. reagan’s about to do a heist but (here’s the best part) his character cannot drive for shit!!! so angie’s like “hey my new boyfriend can actually drive why don’t we get him to help.”

so they hire him for this whole elaborate heist where they trick a van carrying money to take a detour down this shitty road, pretend to be police (i think?? idk) and pull the van over, they beat them up or shoot them and take money.

they do all this and of course the race car driver steals all the money and pushes reagan out of a car and he rolls down a hill LOL. ronnie and angie find him and get the money back (and presumably put a hit on him??? who knows). the killers track them down (i guess they really wanted the money?) and (REALLY BIG SPOILERS) they literally just all die at the end.

it’s a remake of a movie that people actually like which is based on a hemingway short story. it made about $9,000 worldwide and coincidently came out the same year reagan decided to go into politics!

(i think i read that he gave up acting because he didn’t like playing the villain in that movie, but once i watch the santa fe trail i don’t think that’ll make much sense)

anyways, ratings!

acting - i’m not that good at judging acting, let’s just say like 8/10

plot - very confusing. a lot of flashbacks. for an action/mystery/heist it had a lot of fluff and a lot of VERY LONG race car scenes. 4/10

reagan - honestly i prefer his silly/more comic relief characters, but i think for his older self it was a good role. he has a lot of creepy shots and slaps angie in the face before absolutely getting his shit rocked. also he roles down the hill which is incredible. because i have a frame of reference for his other characters, 7/10

cinematography - pretty good! it has a lot of cool shots, again several long ass driving scenes. i think maybe the race car blows up at some point? johnny is GOING THROUGH IT. but yea 9/10

ending - pretty lame "they all die at the end." i didn't understand what happened but maybe that's just me. like 2/10 for lady i don't have the time.

overall - 6/10 decent movie, nothing to write home about. reaganomics music video was better.

where to watch? right here ^_^ https://ok.ru/video/2871101557400 (ty @/dc-follies)

till next time 🫡

[italicwatches]

Wanna be the Strongest in the World - OVAs

There, all of my insurance crap is now, hopefully, handled. Thank, fucking, god. …Now then, let’s get going. It’s Wanna be the Strongest in the World, the OVAs! Here we GO!

-Okay, first OVA! To the Berserk gym! It’s a training session between Misaki and Sakura…

-Oh shit.

-The one thing I never found room to make a joke about.

-Sexy mud wrestling.

-The top secret mud-wrestling room, for only those who have full potential…It is said that Japanese mud wrestling was born in the feudal era, from rice farmers training their bodies and souls in their mud-soaked fields…Mud wrestling is comical and sexualized, but it’s dangerous, too. Drowning suddenly becomes a very real possibility, as do mistakes from slippage. For all it’s going to be something to laugh and cheer for the audience, you’ve got to take it just as seriously as the real thi—

-And then Sakura slips, slams full hard into Chinatsu, and they hit the mud hard enough to be completely soaked in it. And thus comes the wriggling and the squirming…And Rio’s watching the whole thing before she decides to show them what’s wh—

-…Ah.

-It’s that kind of OVA.

-Yeah so Rio’s bosom just got full exposed. Let me walk you through it. Rio walked into the ring. Sakura got up to try and hold her own. She lost her footing in the mud when she tried to plant her feet, slipped, and flailed, and ended up grabbing Rio’s top. Rio’s cross-body-strapped top. And so Rio ends up in a well of deep shame, because even a tough tsundere type can’t handle having her tits exposed by her Special Best Fri—I mean Deadly Rival.

-So then Sakura’s shirt ends up coming off, and Misaki finally hauls herself into it to get them to quit fooling around, which means putting Sakura into the uncomfortable, and fully exposed, Shame Hold…

-Oh and we get a Kanae. In her old wrestling kit, because she’s still got it! And that’s how Sakura and Rio end up naked and flailing, while Misaki and Kanae go full force at good old fashioned mud wrestling…And it’s not long before everyone’s top is off. Like I said, it’s that kind of OVA. Their training goes long into the night, which sounds even more like sex than normal��

-Credits!

…Well that was a thing.

Okay, more momentum. OVA 02!

-It’s…A lotion ring. It’s like mud wrestling, but even more sexified. Kara’s here, too, this time. Japanese lotion sumo is said to be born of guerrilla warfare across Asia, using slippery slime to become nearly unable to be caught…

-I think you see the pattern. And yeah, this time is even worse, as Sakura is all shiny like she’s been bukkake’d. And that’s when SURPRISE KANAE I guess? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy Kanae, but…

-Anyways Sakura ends up in a hold that puts Misaki’s foot in her fate, Kanae ends up losing her top entirely, and I hope you realize just what kind of OVAs you’re dealing with.

-SUDDENLY JACKAL IN A SLING BIKINI.

-I’m not even mad. That’s amazing. Especially because her theme is playing as she…Um…Tries to get Misaki too horny to wrestle…And, yeah look we’re watching hentai at this point. This is a softcore hentai but it’s definitely H. Especially when the girls team up against Jackal Tojo, overwhelming here with sheer numbers and lotion-slick wrestling! And their training continues long through the wintry night…

So I’m gonna guess the next one is…Pool? That sounds like a fair bet. Let’s find out.

-New special training! Misaki and Sakura are…Wait that’s lingerie, as the overly dramatic doors open, and…

-That’s a hot tub. A steamy hot bath. Made of glass. Sauna wrestling? The water is near-painfully hot…Aaaand Moe is joining them.

-You know I could have gone my entire life without Moe joining them. And not just her, but Juri joins in! The hyper-hot waters intensify reactions, making the muscles more loose…And present entire new risks! So that’s how they’re all going to wrestle in their underwear. Complete with Elena as Juri’s backup! It was inevitable.

-So first into the bubbly hot water is Moe, who asks multiple times not to be pushed FUCK IT IN YOU GO. She has turned red like a lobster and has to bail. Okay, Sakura’s in next, as she endures the heat…And is joined by the ever-competitive Elena joins her…Who can endure the heat longer?

-Cue Kanae who kicks it up hotter by whipping the water around and the girls tap out.

-And then Juri grapples Misaki and yanks her into the tub, actually full-on wrestling her in the water…And Kanae continues to offer chaos, only to slip in herself! Sakura and Elena are thus inspired to force themselves to re-enter the fray…And thus they fight in the steamy water, late into a cold winter night. We’re not even going to pretend this one has history to justify it.

I mean I was close. Okay, let’s see the next ridiculous one.

-It’s an actual match! Sakura and Misaki, versus Yumbo and The Hornet! It’s a team battle! And when Yumbo and Hornet refuse to shake their hands, they get a pair of drop kicks for their trouble! The match is on in a flash, with actual serious efforts, as they go for Hornet first, nailing a pin before Yumbo can stop them…! But then the round starts up again, and Yumbo soon has Sakura hanging over the ropes in a sleeper hold for the ages! By the time she hits the floor, she can barely breathe…

-And eats a fuckin’ folding chair, true classic heel behavior! Where do they even get those? The injured Sakura is hauled up onto the ropes, and dragged along them until she gets her groin slammed into the corner post! Good god, even though her sensitive bits may not hang out, they’re still sensitive. That’s…Jesus.

-So she’s slammed around, unable to take what they’re dishing out, and she can’t get to Misaki for backup…! Jumbo puts her down, and it’s a three count, claiming the round proper! That’s the first of three…And we’re tapped until next episode!

Alright, less absurd shit, more actual wrestling! Let’s see what the next round offers!

-And we’re back in with round two! Sakura can only apologize for screwing up that first round, but Misaki trusted her here for a reason…You didn’t give up. You got outplayed, and there’s no shame in that. They can do this, together! So Sakura’s the first in on round two…

-Aaand gets her head crushed between Yumbo’s thighs! Before Sakura can recover, she tags out with The Hornet, who goes in for the kill…But Sakura pulls a swift reversal, suplexing her hard before rolling out and tapping Misaki in! Go for the kill! And Misaki does nothing less, as she fights Hornet hard…But when Yumbo goes to back up her partner, Sakura has to race in and hold her back! And she does it just long enough to hold the line, settling the second round in their favor…Now it’s the third and final round…

-Where Misaki starts off against Hornet…Only to eat a ferocious boot to the head from Yumbo! Sakura gets slammed to the ground before she can do anything, and can do nothing but watch as Hornet grapples Misaki up, and the pair double-team her…!

Okay, one last round. Let’s see these two overcome it…!

-Round three, right where we left off, Misaki eating boot after boot to her midsection before she eats an uppercut so hard that she hits the mat…And then Hornet tags in at full force, but Misaki manages to flip the match around, giving herself enough room to tag out! So Hornet tags Yumbo in in return…

-But that just means Yumbo eats a Keijo-strong butt to the head, and then a flip from Sakura that has her on the ground! She tags Misaki back in, and Misaki’s sheer strength is enough to line up for a piledriver that puts Yumbo on the mat! Hornet tries to go in to save her, but they flip her out of the ring entirely, before lining up Yumbo for a full-force SOMERSAULT! Two boots to the head, and Sakura goes for the pin! Hornet tries to get in but just gets kicked away…And it’s decided on the three count!

-They did it…And more, they’ve become the new holders of the tag belts! They’re the new tag-team champions! And this is all right before the big match with Blue Panther, so Sakura’s got all this fire to go in with.

-Credits!

Aaaand now we’re done. Whew!

So, half of that was just porn. The other half was an actual match. I mean, the match was really fun! Its pacing was a bit screwy from fitting into 4-minute OVA blocks, but it was fun! The softcore comedy-porn…I mean, I suppose we had to tackle that stuff eventually.

Oh well. The point is, that was fun. But after all that, you know what, I’m feeling kinda…Lazy. You’ll see just what I end up doing next time, so wait for it!