#agot shitpost

[kinslayer-sapphire]

King Joff: The Prince That Was Promised!

In Defense of Joffrey Baratheon

His Uncle-Dad and Aunt-Mom caused him to be born an incest baby and Cersei spoiled and Robert neglected him by not turning into a man and warrior. All, poor Joff needed was some proper parental figures, affection, and tutelage. Not an insane crazy lady in Cersei and a fat slob bozo in Robert.

Joffrey was justified in executing a man who wanted him kicked off the Throne in favor of Stannis the Mannis who would kill him and his entire family: Jamie Cersei, Myrcella, and Tommen.

Sansa is the daughter of a confessed traitor and is an extremely airheaded naivete girl not fit to be queen another Caitlyn Stark in the making. Why would Joff be kind and forgiving to a blood-traitorous and annoying brat?

Joffrey defended his stepfather's honor when that foolish daft bard made an insulting song about the great conquering King Robert Baratheon around the realm! He was even magnanimous enough to let the foolbard keep his fingers or his tongue!

Joffrey killing Robert’s bastard in the show was most likely Cersei’s actions in the book. Despite that, no bastards means no potential rebellion like the Blackfyres.

Joffrey killed Tyrion and Petyr's diseased-ridden whore prostitutes that would give him herpes and syphilis. How dare Tyrion offer use a crude and vile “gift” to a minor! 🔞 Disgusting Imp wanted Joff to turn to his man-whoring vices!

Joffrey treated an elegant and classy woman like Margaery Tyrell with adoring affection, admiration, and respect that she deserves as a role model to all Westerosi noblewomen.

Joff the Illborn is more like Joff the Illraised!

[jeyneofpoole]

nothing is funnier than alliser thorne to me like he had sooooo much beef with this 14 y/o emo loser as a grown ass man. jon made one (1) joke about his DOG and thorne was like ohhhhh he has to die. he really said i want that twink obliterated 🙏 no thoughts no prayers just violence. me and this eighth grader are mortal enemies. very well adjusted! good job!

[polysucks]

*hits vape* the real confirmation that Jon is Lyanna and Rhaegar’s kid is the fact that Ghost is white. Something something Targaryen hair.

[worlds-best-sippycup]

Look, I know he was riding a donkey

but you can't tell me GRRM didn't do this on purpose.

[valeries-asoiaf-haven]

After reading Jon I, I’m starting to think Tyrion is an acrobat after how he jumped from the top of the castle.

[kyliafanfiction]

I have not been keeping up with Game of Thrones or ASOIAF, but IMO, the only acceptable ending is all the kingdoms of Westeros independent from each other again. Clearly that ain’t ready for unity.

[ser-shitpost-lannister]

So, are the gods in ASOIAF real?

It's kinda been bugging me for a while. The Night King is obviously a thing, and dragons, but we never get exact confirmation for any of the major religions. So I'm gonna look at some of this stuff and see what I can find.

Major spoilers ahead, from all the books up to ADWD. I'm just gonna assume you have some prior knowledge of ASOIAF.

Edit: thanks @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly for teaching me how to use a cut

The Horse Gods? (Dothraki)

Either the Dosh Khaleen are just really shit at prophecies, or this is one deity (deities? wtf is even going on here) that we can cross off the list. Been a while since I read AGOT but all I really remember is Irri and Jhiqui echoing "It is known" all the time.

Overall, I'm gonna call horsebullshit.

The Drowned God (Iron Islands)

Like most of the deities in this list, we don't have any actual proof that the Drowned God exists, as long as we accept the fact that Aeron is really, really good at CPR. No Godless Man May Sit The Seastone Chair is a decent counterexample as well, since Euron manages pretty well on top of the Ironborn hierarchy.

Final opinion? Probably not real.

The Seven (South Westeros)

Again, not much proof that they are real. We don't see any answered prayers (especially not for Catelyn, RIP). The idea of Trial By Combat is also supposed to be up to the Seven, but obviously in the case of Tyrion's trial, it's not quite in divine hands. Based on that, we could disprove the Seven, but it's not exactly an airtight allegation.

To conclude, I will not be running for High Septon, and not just because of their short lifespan.

The Old Gods (North Westeros)

Ok, here's where things get interesting. Bran looking through the weirwood trees raises interesting arguments. The Children of the Forest are obviously not gods, so have the Northmen just been wrongly interpreting the signs? The Stark siblings' warg abilities are also throwing me for a loop. It's certainly magic, but is it divine?

I'm gonna leave this one up for debate.

R'hllor and the Night King (Essos & Free Cities & Westeros)

Ok, so, at least half of this bit is real. The magic zombies lend some credibility to Melisandre's cult. Stannis cuts down Renly and Courtnay Penrose using Melisandre's shadows. The Brotherhood Without Banners also supports the Red God's existence - Beric Dondarrion and Lady Stoneheart are living(?) proof. Thoros' and Melisandre's visions seem to be correct, if vague. Stannis' Kingsblood leeches seem to do the trick - Balon, Robb, and Joffrey all meet their ends shortly after his ritual on Dragonstone. Melisandre's glamour to hide Mance Rayder is another good example of the Red God's power.

So, clearly there is some kind of divine intervention here. Which leads us to

The Many-Faced God (Braavos, etc.)

The most interesting of the lot, and certainly hard to disprove. While the Servants certainly have some interesting magic (cutting off people's faces, etc.), it's not necessarily divine. Most of their power seems to be learned, not bestowed, as is the case for R'hllor. While I can appreciate the connections between different religions - including casting the Night King and the Stranger as interpretations of the Many-Faced God - it's not at the same level as the Red Priests.

TL;DR

While we don't have explicitly stated conformation of the existence of gods, I will take a leap of faith and say that R'hllor does exist, though the extent of his power remains to be seen. If he's been battling the Night King for centuries, perhaps he doesn't have the capacity to interact with the mortal world beyond the occasional smite, resurrection, and prophecy.

Tell me your fave ASOIAF religion in the comments or tag 'em.

-Ser Shitpost Lannister, guardian of Lannisport, heir to Ashemark

[polysucks]

Asoiaf fan: Preeeeeetty sure the Twins are as haunted as Harrenhal now bc of the Red Wedding

Zack Bagans .826 seconds after reading that post, already in Walder Frey’s bedchambers:

[polysucks]

Does anyone else think about the parallels between Cersei and Jaime, and Margaery and Loras? Anyone? Just me? Cool.

[polysucks]

I’m rereading agot from the beginning get ready for asoiaf shitposting