#agender afab ppl too

[fioredivenere]

Lesbian things I did

before realizing I am, in fact, a lesbian.

Being jealous and overly protective to my girl best friends

Having only one girl best friend at a time, because I only ever think of my girl best friend.

My first kiss was to a girl and for the next four years no matter who was in a relationship (with some other guy), we kept kissing each other in secret.

The first time I had unrestricted online access I only ever search for wlw content.

I only ever had crushes either on the super popular guy (bc that's the correct way to have crushes, am I right) or the super shy and introvert guy. Both ways I only ever went for the impossible guy and then oopsies, I Guess I Have to be Single forever.

The guys I ended up dating where always stereotypically feminine guys, either because they were so much shorter than me, or had long hair, or had very soft personalities.

For almost every guy I dated I secretly thought what would I do if they came out as transfemme. I even used a filter to see how they would look like as girls. I am not making this up. Guess what? I always thought I'd stay if they wanted to transition and all.

As a kid I was so obsessed with a weather reporter girl, who's extremely attractive btw, and I still have a crush on her.

As a kid the first time a boy told me he liked me I ran away in fear and disgust, without saying anything, and hid from him for the rest of the time.

In middle school this boy was super into me and tried to kiss me in multiple occasions. Every time I would slap the shit out of him. [note: this boy I was kind of in a "relationship" from the age 5 to the age 11. I never actually liked him and I only referred to him as my super best friend. He used to shower me in romantic gifts (as much as a kid can do) and try (unsuccesfully) to hold my hand, hug me and kiss me on the cheek. We ended this thing because I told him I only liked him for his toys (that I couldn't have at home because they were "boy toys") and I actually liked the popular older kid. I shattered this poor boy's heart, and in return he traumatized me by locking me in a classroom with his older friends holding me up against a wall just to kiss me on the lips a couple years later at 13) Now back to the regularly scheduled program:

I barely ever notice if a guy is attractive, but I think almost every woman is stunning.

I'm super into any kind of femininity, anything associated with it really.

I remember perfectly, down to the smallest detail, what every single best girl friend was. But I keep forgetting the faces of the guys I dated... This specifically might be caused by other reasons, but I listed it anyways because it sounds gay af.

When I tried to come out online as lesbian a year and a half ago I was the happiest I ever been. I then was shoved back into the closed and I buried everything for a year, but you can read more of this on my other post "My queer journey".

When I'm with a girl I like I'm literally so happy I get euphoria and start laughing like an idiot.

My biggest aspiration in life is to own a beautiful country home with a partner. This partner must be not-a-man.

Well, I also made this list.

[the-s1lly-corner]

hey, may i request hcs of laughing jack + slenderman x nonbinary, afab!reader who gets misgendered/bullied a lot but is too scared to correct/stand up to ppl? happens to me a lot :[

laughing jack and slenderman x afab!nonbinary!reader

im so so sorry you keep getting treated like dookie- as a fellow afab nb i totally get your pain with the misgendering, people just need to hush up

notes: reader is afab and nonbinary, established relationships, both canon characters have limited knowledge of lgbt topics but thats mostly because they hardly interact with people or media

cws: transphobia, canon typical violence, mentions of stalking

laughing jack

doesnt get to interact with many people much, so hes a little limited on his knowledge- and given that he originally started existing in the Victorian era? hoo boy- hes not transphobic or otherwise lgbtphobic but there is some ignorance

can see himself as using some labels once he gets more educated on it, though! always headcanoned laughing jack to be gnc!

tries to help you appear more androgynous or masculine if thats what you want! he doesnt mind playing dress up with you, and hes definitely going to take it as a moment to turn it into a game and try to cheer you up!

openly mocks the people who bully you, as well as outright saying that theyre just a bunch of jerks who... dont deserve nice things to head their way.. to keep the description vague

similar to slenderman, hes going to go out and get some vengeance if things get ugly enough

he doesnt like going out without you, hes a bit clingy.. but the sight of you being so distraught really makes his insides coil like snakes.. does not like it at all

even tries to push for you to carry him around in his box so he can just jump and slash anyone who says anything- though thats not a very good idea... would give him away quickly

slenderman

he doesnt understand much about gender, and honestly? i can easily see him being agender, or maybe gender apathetic simply due to him not showing interest in his own identity. he rarely wants to be perceived anyway

despite not knowing much about it and not caring how others see him, he can understand just a little bit on why it matters to you- especially when youre seen as something youre not and harassed for it

rest assured that if he ever finds out someone is harassing you, he will silent them quickly. out right offing them or stalking them over a period of time, the result will end in you having one less person on your back... then two.. then three.. and so on

actually the fact that people seem to either go missing or skip town not long after messing with you makes many keep their mouths shut- and before you even think that might prompt someone to harm you under the guise that its YOU doing it, slenderman isnt going to let that happen

he listens to you if you need to talk about your feelings on it, hes unsure of how to verbally help you affirm your gender identity but if you outright ask him how he views you; he tells you that you pass in his eyes regardless of if you present more femininely, masculine, or androgynously.. though that may be because of his aforementioned limited knowledge on the topic... hes supportive nonetheless!

[vhvrs]

im genuinely confused, why refer to a character you 'made' trans with she/her pronouns?

i say 'made' because they seem like OCs that use league lore?

im asking out of genuine curiosity, sorry if this is mean

its a fair question, no worries!

its... kinda hard to explain and i haven't prior bc while i use she/her (and they/them) for my vik, i generally dont care nor want to tell anyone what to refer to them as bc the original point of my viktor was that they do not clarify their pronouns or gender bc they dont care. i just... kindve went off on my own thing a bit lol.

so that's one reason ig?

my academy viktor is also intended to be this really tricky period where they know they arent cis but arent willing nor in a space to explore it further than through jayce. she/her has a level of safety when coming fully out is scary and, again, dont really want to think abt it too hard. on top of her only real means of exploring being trans being through jayce alone in their dorm n hes already seeing them as transmasc despite presentation and pronouns so a need to explore further isnt really a priority.

another reason that trying to deconstruct the gender behind certain things like pronouns can just feel really good. she/her can be feminine or it can be masculine or it can be neither! viktor and jayce have that understanding n i mean me as the guy behind it does too lol. (n my mh using it is just extending that safety n gendervoid further now that they have a body they feel more comfortable in and can wear that she/her w a sort of pride? something thats now hers to do with whatever and bc by then most ppl default to he/they so she/her becomes something no longer normative and able to become unattached to their afab. she can weaponize she/her now in a way they only got to test out as pre-herald?)

another, another reason is tldr i was a really awkward she/they transmasc when i first came out n it feels good to explore what that felt like through viktor, you know? (that was my original intention for her at all actually...) n get more comfortable in still being a kindve gnc they/he through a character who took their afab scenerio to the furtherest it can go and let it remain a valid agender thing. that kindve tints a lot of why i do that i guess + being in very... genderfuckery free for all spaces where this stuffs just very normal.

i usually tend to go out here to a certain extent with characters i relate to or like ie making them nonbinary, changing pronouns, and presentations (making them into ocs rip not denying the oc with league paintover allegations) this is just an extra step for me personally to have a safe, contained space to explore gender stuff myself... its a nice feeling to have created a scenerio where she/her doesnt void being transmasc/agender or can... idk enhance it even?? idk im not trying to reflect the nauces of reality rn im just trying to have fun.

this is v long winded bc im tired n felt this needed a proper explanation so. thank you if you understand this and i appreciate you asking bc id rather ppl just ask vs possibly get more confused not knowing my intentions n mindset. take care ♡

[transolar]

I’m looking for a term(or multiple) for my gender

I feel uhh very strange about my gender.

So probably relevant info;

I’m afab

I have adhd and seasonal affective disorder(I have other stuff but I feel like these are most important here)

I’ve always been GNC growing up

So here’s the thing. I feel gender-fluid in some way. I know it’s affected by my listed disorders bc it feels like my gender changes based on what kind of mood swing I’m in. During a certin type of bad barametric pressure feeling, I feel not only depressed but also been noticing this…what I can only describe is gender turmoil.

It feels like the mental/social dysphoria trans ppl have talked about. Aversion to my name, she/her, being called a girl, etc. and I feel aversion to gender in general. But not just agender, but more like…anti-gender? If that’s even a thing? I don’t want any lables. Or any pronouns. Or any gender at all. Or name or anything. Like I jsut don’t wanna be referred to what so ever.

I’ve been looking at a neuro gender called affectugender. Where my gender is affected by mood. And similar lables too.

Also, when I do feel like a girl, I know I feel like one bc I get such intense gender euphoria when my name is used, she/her pronouns, etc.

And also sometimes I feel weirdly like a fem gay boy sometimes? Idk do you have any ideas?

Ok so. that is a lot of text, it may take multiple terms /lh

Mutogender is gender changing on the situation, Amorgender changes based on people, but idk if those are ones you are super looking for.

Sentigender is similar to affectugender, but not a neurogender

Corugender is changing, but specifically in PTSD flashbacks

Neurofluid (fluid between neurogenders) , and neurofluid (fluid between genders due to neurodivergency)

Apothigender is an agender gender where you are gender repulsed

For fem gay boy, check out Lavender Boy (mlm) or Rosboy (non mlm)

[ablednt]

Making my own post bc this would absolutely be derailing imo but the post about how trans women who don't pass and also many queer men don't experience male privilege because it is a contract that they fail to perform to and are then seen as inferior, and the comment that "faggot" is a 3rd gender inside cis ppls binary has me thinking about my own experiences with femininity as an intersex afab (spoiler alert: it's not comparable to my sisters upbringing in the same environment as an amab person almost at all)

I think that there's a 4th gender in the cis gender binary (still a binary bc these aren't REALLY their own genders just a way to classify ordered demographics inside existing ones)

Because trans men, intersex afabs, and sometimes afab nonbinary people aren't really treated as women when they are misgendered either, we treated like "defects." Cisgender binary is a patriarchal contract and both sides are performing to an insane standard and finding ways to label outliers for harassment.

But cis women are patriarchally the inferior gender and they're objectified and seen as products and property (I got a much more overt view of this growing up mormon where women are discussed like property constantly from a young age) so when we DON'T perform correctly even if we're Trying To then we're seen as defective products.

And I think that gives a lot of insight into the ways that afab queers are treated and what a lot of people are trying to put into words but instead just getting frustrated they don't know how to express it and lashing out at other (mainly amab) queer people.

Like growing up intersex I was never really treated like a girl, nor was my sister ever really treated like a boy. For me though, it wasn't seen as the choice to misbehave, girls don't make choices after all. I was certainly girl adjacent I was never a BOY, god forbid, as I was reminded whenever I wanted to do activities with my peers that were too boyish. But I wasn't a perisex girl either and as soon as puberty hit that became readily apparent, I was harrier and sweatier and my cycle was wrong and my overal shape was different. But I wasn't treated like a boy I was treated like a defective girl, someone who was required to participate in girlhood but who always operated as lesser inside of that girlhood. Abuse for me was supposed to be seen as a blessing, a gift I didn't deserve, because I was a defective product and they couldn't take me off the shelf so all they could do was lash out for making the product (womanhood) look bad. The discrimination I faced was never overly overt though, so I didn't know what my problem was or why I Just Felt Different and Lesser.

So flash to adulthood, I'm nonbinary and cis feminists are making me insane by completely erasing me or lashing out at me for being a traitor, even in the queer community and it sucks and I'm all mad and caught up in my feelings and I grow to despise femininity (when it's not the problem here) I gave up on being a woman because I was never allowed to be one in the first place and I wanted to feel some semblance of control.

Then I spend more time around queer femininity and it's different and exciting and fun and it feels like coming home but I know this was never where I was or what I was. Cis people and (actual) transmedicalists want to co-op that and say I'm a cis woman but I know that I'm not, I know if I go back there I just become their defective pet again.

And I think I see where the urge to say your a trans woman comes from but like, really think about it. Am I a trans woman? I didn't transition to womanhood from manhood or anything even adjacent to that, I went from being a defective woman to defining my own value. And that's the vocabulary that I find most helpful, anything that makes it clear to cis women that I'm not operating under their rules and I refuse to be treated like a defect anymore. Nonbinary woman, demiwoman, agender woman, intersex woman, there's a million variations that I can use but none of those are accurately represented by trans woman imo.

And then like people ask what labels to use for when we're punished by cis women for being "defective" the way that we're labeled as traitors and silenced and repressed and sometimes (many times) that can manifest in outward aggression and violence. And we've been told so long (by cis women who, again, view us as defects) that we don't experience misogyny and instead of unpacking that so many people come up with trans versions of misandry because we have to prove we have 0 overlap with cis women bc they don't WANT US and we don't want to be defective anymore but it never fully makes sense because they don't treat cis men like this and then you loop around and go well it's transmisogyny then and like... is it though? Because it seems like regular misogyny to me, it's the exact same treatment I got growing up intersex and no one even knew that's what I was. But women see themselves as a product and as a subordinate and they feel like if they don't suppress any hint of defectiveness that they'll all be punished and the root of that is because of misogyny. The fact that we're called traitors a lot really calls attention to the fact that cis women view gender as a sport or a battle and themselves as a team, and feel the need to silence and violently punish anyone who might jeopardize the system or reflect badly on that team. It's specifically because they view us as a part of them (and an inherently defective/lesser part) that they treat us this way.

Long probably incoherent post I know but I feel like so many afab cisn't and intersex people are missing fhe mark not just for linguistic reasons but because they're unsure where the descrimination stems from. I dunno I just think about this a lot

[keo-k]

hiii so english isn't my first language and i'm learning more about gender and trans stuff and if i might be trans or something (i've been told i sound agender?? but that feels wrong), and something that confuses me, so i'm asking around abt it… "woman" used to simply denote afab, right? like a body type of ppl with a biological (not surgical) vagina & estrogen puberty. like a female dog. ppl say that it reduces women to their genitals, but what about with other animals? like female cat, female horse, etc, just bc we say "oh she's a girl" or "oh i have a male dog" doesn't mean we're saying they're only their genitals in that case, right…? a bitch is just a female dog, that's why it's a misogynistic word. misogyny is based on how ppl see someone without a penis as lesser, bc they don't have the power to forcibly penetrate and feel genital pleasure for it, they can't impregnate, they're "just a hole" etc. like so much of misogyny is just body-specific. the misogyny transfems experience seems terrible but also conditional? bc if they're found out to be amab they're treated as creepy men, so they then stop experiencing misogyny, they just face usually homophobia. meanwhile bio women (and transmascs who don't transition) have no exit door to the misogyny unless they transition and pass perfectly as male or something, and historically that wasn't an option. to me man & woman have always been neutral body types until i came across trans stuff, and i think the idea of gendered brains sounds sexist af. like gender seems like bullshit, i see me being a woman as just like being a female cat, i don't have ~womanly~ vibes in my brain, i was just born female and that's the least important thing about me, but male society made it weird. why should gender continue to be a thing? what does gender actually mean, if sexism was to be eradicated? is it bad if i view my womanhood as just a body type? most cis people i've talked to view their "gender" like this, as just a body type, like any other animal. they don't "feel" like one, they just have the body and aren't dysphoric about it. they might not always like it, but they don't have dysphoria about it, so they just… are. is that transphobic? i've heard mixed thoughts about it from trans ppl & activists, i'm just curious. feel free to ignore this lol ;;

your perspective definitely isn't transphobic, from my point of view. I cant really help you figure out your own gender, seeing as you aren't me, but what I can say is:

whatever you label yourself as does. not. matter. if you're comfortable with the terminology generally used for women being used with you, that's fine. if you ARENT comfortable with those terms, thats fine too. that isnt what dictates your gender. your gender is whatever feels right. or whatever feels just okay. if the term 'woman' or 'female' feels right for you, then it feels right for you. if 'man' or 'male' feels right for you, then it feels right for you. if any other label or term is what makes you feel comfortable, use it. (I cant explain anything right please show mercy lmao)

for me, figuring out that I was trans was simply learning, "oh. there's a name for this thing I'm feeling. I'm not alone." like, when I was younger I generally felt a disconnect, but I couldn't correlate it with gender because I had no clue what that feeling was. then, I got older, had a friend show me a VINE. like, old school vine. og TikTok. and this person was like, hey, I'm gender non-conforming. and I looked that friend in her eyes and I said, shit bro, that's me.

that isn't the case with everyone. I figured it out when I was 10. some figure it out earlier, some figure it out later. some never come out of the closet, ever. everyone's experience is different. extremely so.

golden rule/tldr: identify with whatever makes you feel comfortable, accepted, whatever. you do you.

[wreckitremy]

I am definitely trans and will fight tooth and nail to keep that title bc they try to take that away from nonbinary ppl constantly, but yeah perisex trans ppl are exhausting, and this is not an isolated thing. I see it more on tiktok bc ive blocked less ppl so far there, but I've seen it on tumblr too.

I've tried to talk about how the focus on positivity for nonbinary ppl who use she/her or he/him developed into a pattern akin to "normalize being normal", only to be constantly told that

it's okay bc some ppl know enough to know and accept nonbinary ppl, but also apparently aggressively use only they/them for any nonbinary person bc they think all nonbinary ppl are agender

(If this was really a problem there would be more focus on neo pronouns, but the focus is on the already accepted binary pronouns)

I was afab but more of my trans experiences line up with trans women experiences bc of the way I'm built. I'm incorrectly female to cis & perisex ppl.

I need the language neutralized around vaginal/uterus care, but I don't have to fight for ppl to not see me as a weak doll. I scare ppl without even trying.

Meanwhile the younger crowd is going around and around again with the stuff that we already hashed out, repeating the trans men in women's bathrooms jokes, watching the cis ppl fall for the bait and harass trans men over it again and again.

"Trans and nonbinary people" has turned into something that makes me worry that the person saying it doesn't think nonbinary ppl are trans.

It's almost at dogwhistle at this point, bc every time I have tried to share what it accidently implies, I'm met with the "not all nonbinary ppl identity as trans" which is the same bullshit they say to justify not including intersex ppl in the lgbt+ community.

Suffice to say, nonbinary is included when you say trans ppl & personally if you were using "trans and nonbinary people" with the purpose of including nonbinary ppl, I'd say it's better to say "trans and intersex ppl" bc most of the time, the subject at hand, does include intersex ppl.

Despite what the vocal minority of exclusionist intersex ppl have spread, bringing us up is not a bad thing. I've maybe only seen that handled poorly 1 or 2 times.

What I have seen a ton of times, is perisex ppl telling intersex ppl to not "tokonize intersex ppl" while we are actually speaking up for ourselves.

Every day I get closer and closer to no longer identifying as trans, and simply being a genderless intersex person. Because the average trans perisex person is just as fucking intersexist as the average cis perisex person, and I'm so fucking tired of it.

Y'all try to split hairs and decide which experiences are "trans man experiences" and which experiences are "trans women experiences," and you try to cram nonbinary people into "transmasc or transfemme," and you insist on splitting trans people into categories based on their birth assignment, and you fucking wonder why you're not making headway in any actual gender liberation.

Assholes.

[n1ghttiger]

Are you a trans girl too? :3

i'm afab but idk what the fuck i am. i like looking the way i do but i dislike being called a girl/woman (goth girl or gf is fine bc those feel like earned titles but girl/woman feels like a job being assigned to me). I just want to be seen as a person.

it's probably all the trauma associated with being raised female but either way im cool w any pronouns and i prefer saying im agender. or my gender is whatever's funniest for the bit. bitgender

and to be clear i do NOT mean "trauma associated with being raised female" in a terf way. fuck that. i mean like other people in my life treating me a certain way (ie condescendingly) that they would not have had i been amab. being born afab is not inherently tragic. being girly and feminine is great. ppl being treated like shit because they're afab/feminine is the bad

but yes i love all my trans girlies and trans boys. if you are trans i love you (nonbineys included)

[smutty-ki113r]

Yo I have been crying a lot today. is...period time. V-V i am super dysphoric (I'm agender btw) and my cramps were awful today. I feel a lot better now tho.

I just wish i had a boyfriend who'd either comfort me (*cough* toby) or fuck me real good when i am on my period(*choking on spit agressively* jeff pls-)

also for any other afab ppl is it weird to not mind having a pussy but hating ur boobs?? Or am i just being a hypocrite?

Anyways I am simping too hard for jeff and toby today like wth. I need to stop-

-🃏

Awww bb, i completely understand. Bein nonbinary and all I tend to feel more masculine yet act more feminine?? When I’m on mine I also get super dysphoric, and YES bro. You are not being a hypocrite in any way, you are so so valid. I also hate hate hate having boobs, man it gets so bad, and even with my binder or two sports bras I get like all bleh. On top of hating the body I was born with god gave me the worst period cramps in the world. I cant eat the first day and I literally feel like Im about to die. So i completely completely get it.

DONT INVALIDATE YOURSELF// also what pronouns do you prefer to go by, so in case i dont mess up.

Side note: y’all ever mess up your own pronouns are just go 😑

Here’s your lil lil for the day:

“IT HURTS SO MUCH” you whined, rolling around on the bed with a heating pad firmly pressed against your stomach. Scrunching up your nose and trying to fight the pain away.

“Do you need me to reh-heat the p-pad? Do you want some water? Are you hungry? Can I get you some medic-“ Toby was rambling, waving his hands around to list the things he thought you might want. You stared at him, tightening up your hands and letting them go to distract.

“Toby I just want you, maybe some cuddle-“ without a second to pass he was by your side, wrapping his arms around your waist to hold the pad for you. Nuzzling your face into his neck you grumbled “that feels better” you told him. Maybe he was a bit cringey, humming the “little Einstein’s” theme song over and over again because he couldn’t think of anything else.. or maybe it was adorable.

You couldn’t hold back a smile, your face brightening even more when Jeff came barging in. “HOW ARE YOU FEELING” he raged, his hands in fists as if he could fight your cramps for you. Toby stopped singing, knowing Jeff would either tease him about it or laugh.

“A little bit bette AGH!” You cried, biting your lip as a wave of hurt washed over you. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck” you chanted “not good”

Jeff was impatient, feeling helpless that he couldn’t do anything. Crawling over to you on the bed to hug you from the opposite side of Toby. Kissing your neck softly as he whispered cute little sayings into your ear…well…some of them were cute. “It’s all gonna be ok” he started “soon you’ll be back on your feet” he continued, “i love you so much, promise I’ll stay”… and then the “uterus if you can hear me I’m going to destroy you” which you were about to tell him wouldn’t really help but you heard Toby start singing- with words this time.

“Pain p-pain go away come a-again another day” rocking you side to side. Jeff deadpanned at him with a sour expression, staring at him with wide lidless eyes.

“No idiot, don’t tell it to come back” he started, engaging in a little bickering where they mocked eachother.

At least it was distracting, but it did get annoying after a while. You just wanted peace and some level of quiet. “GUYS STOP” you said “it hurts enough as it is, don’t kill my ears too”. They both mumbled a sorry and continued to hug you tightly. “I just wish I wasn’t born in this body, at least without a uterus” you whispered in longing.

“Awww babe, you’re real in our eyes” Jeff started.

“Yeah we don’t see you as a girl, or a guy or with any gender” Toby added.

“Gender is shit, who cares about it anyway” Jeff said. “Fuck gender”

“Yeah fuck g-gender” Toby said.

“Fuck meeee” you whimpered.

“I mean…you could have just said that” Jeff said, a new look in his eyes, a bit more…dangerous.

“Guys???” You said, backing up onto the pillows as they approached you like animals in heat. “Guys?!”

[miiiwu]

that and seeing me post shit like ‘am i allowed to call myself [insert hyperspecific gender identity that is similar to girl but not quite] even though i am afab?’ like seeing me slowly divorce myself from womanhood bit by bit, asking permission from strangers on the internet if i can call myself ‘girlflux’ bc i was basically a girl but… like… eeeehhhh also kind of a *sexless blob

* feel disconnected and disgusted by my genitals and am therefore terrified of any form of intimacy bc i know most ppl consider cuddling and kissing to be a precursor for sex, something i cannot have or enjoy because My Body Is Wrong! This probably means i am simply aroace and a little bit genderweird but am ultimately still Basically a Girl but a few degrees to the left, like agender but i still go by she her and my birth name because that’s just What’s Convenient which clearly means it is most comfortable and changing it would simply be Inconvenient and therefore scary and unknown.i am fine in this hole i was born in it so i might as well die here too :)

anyways im a dude now lol

Goin thru my old posts and wincing at the dumb and insular shit i was mad about when i was 18 and under lol

[scourgefrontiers]

gonna ramble abt gender <3

so lately ive been feelin some type of way. ive identified as trans since about 2013 so nearly 10 years (im 25). i want to preface this by saying i dont think im NOT trans, but i dont think im trans in the way i used to think i was!

if youve been following me for a long time you may remember that i first id'd as a binary trans man. then i went to demiboy, then just generally nonbinary, and then demiboy again, and now im at agender. i think i'll stick with agender for now because i just dont want to deal with gender in general and being no gender feels freeing like i dont need to fit into any boxes (i know i dont have to with other labels either necessarily, especially presentation-wise, but its more of the boxes people put me into and less ones i put myself into if that makes sense). im just me. im just here.

ive adopted many pronouns (they, he, she, it, even neos that nobody uses lol) and labels (the ones i mentioned before as well as some xenos) and at this point im like. eh. fuck it all im just a guy. but also, i do still feel very comfortable in the trans label; im not sure im a cis girl, even a gnc one. i like to be called a guy, i like masculine identifiers (i know girls can use these too but still), i like masculine clothing, etc. i just feel masc most of the time. HOWEVER after a while of trying to accept my femininity and being more comfortable in both my body and preferences, ive gotten closer to the "girl" label over time. i dont feel comfortable identifying as cis anymore because my gender feels far more complicated than "girl" (or even "guy" but hey), but i do like identifying with womanhood more than i used to! i think a lot of what drove me from it was societal standards and pressure to be a certain way. like yknow how ppl get driven away from liking pink? thats how i feel with "girl" as a gender identifier

i like dresses. i like pink. i like cute stuff. i like soft things. i also like dark things, and suits, and ties, and short hairstyles, and lots of things boys stereotypically like. i know gender is more than stereotypes and i know things are super complicated and not black and white which makes me lean even more towards agender as my gender spot

my identity as nonhuman also plays into my gender too tho. like, it pushes me towards the agender bit as well, so theres that (thats partially why i adopted it/its pronouns)

not exactly sure where im going with this, my thought process initially was like "im going to give some background info and lead into how i feel more like a girl nowadays but not a cis girl" lol. i just some days find myself being like "i wish i was a girl" which is funny bc im afab? like. its so weird. its a weird feeling. its like i know im not a girl but i wish i was, which is silly bc i can literally just be a girl again. but i also feel like a guy a lot too so im like fuck i guess. and im tired of going back and forth so im just like whatever im neither but i will still use the guy and girl labels when i feel like it

anyway thanks

[vhvrs]

Hello I'm so sorry to randomly put this in your inbox, but I have some real questions that I'm kind of too scared to ask anyone else?

I think I'm... I think I finally admitted that I might be trans? I think? I've been so terrified of calling myself that, especially out loud, because I've been so scared that I'm accidentally being transphobic when I can't even figure out my own identity? I'm AFAB, and I like having a very pretty "girl" body and even adore hyperfeminine "girl" things. Like, I love girly stuff and dressing like a girl? Is it the looking like a girl I like? But like, something has always felt off and like it wasn't quite right to just be a "she"? It's so hard to explain because for years I was just a girl, using feminine pronouns and everything. But as I've gotten older, I found myself using they/them more and more often, but it's actually in the last week or so that I've started using he/him pronouns officially instead of just in my head. And guess what? It felt amazing doing it! But here's my problem: What is it called when you're AFAB, do still really like very feminine things and "looking/acting like a girl", but want to use he/him pronouns? I'm so scared and confused and I feel so ashamed because I'm scared I'm just CIS with extra steps? Like, I see a lot of posts that say a lot of people are just muddying the waters and making things even harder for other transgender people, and I would never want to hurt anybody like that! I've tried Googling my question several times, each a different way because I was worried I wasn't wording it properly? But all the results I get are mixed and I'm confused what they mean. Am I allowed to be a boy that's... like, likes being a "girl", just not called a girl? Or at least isn't called a girl all the time? Just sometimes when I feel like it? Maybe?

I know this is all some really heavy stuff and I'm so sorry for just dropping this on you, but I really need help and I don't know where else to turn. If you're unable to help, do you know some other resources that I might try to look for? I'm sorry. You just seem so confident in yourself and your art has been really helpful, but I wanted to ask because I was hoping that I could maybe just get, like... even a sliver of what might be wrong with me? As dumb as this sounds, I'm scared of just being CIS (Again, I am so sorry for this long post, this text really got away from me)

hey i appreciate you feeling like i was the person to come to w this off the bat and not to fret about the ask at all bc im abt to overexplain myself right back - ive been in this exact same position actually! i had a long struggle moving from being a girl into being where i am now and where i am now is.... who knows! ive been figuring myself out for like. eight years at this point n i expect to keep figuring myself out even longer. the train of thought youre on reminds ne a LOT of how i felt when i started thinking i wasnt cis though so ill just kindve. dump what has helped me? and you can take what you want from it.

point blank anyone who says its possible for other trans ppl or even just ppl exploring their gender to bring harm back into the community are full of shit. they said this when i thought i was a genderfluid demigirl eight yrs ago. theyll keep saying it. it will continue to not be true. ive had friends who explored their gender identities and realized they were cis and if anything its really healthy for them and the community! its not bad to go thru that.

on topic, i could try to point you towards specific labels or communities but trying to get caught up in those can sometimes just confuse or scare you more - again speaking from experience trying to google just what i was and what i was going thru. especially trying to figure everything out at once.

like i label myself as a bi agender bc its EASY n to have a vague thing to tell ppl or put on pride icons but at the end of the day, im just theo. thats my identity n that could be yours too! when i think abt my bf, im a gay man. when im watching crazy girlies on a show, im a girl. when i want to buy nonbinary merch bc nobody makes agender merch, im nonbinary. im just theo no matter what.

you dont sound cis and thats the most important thing to remember. even if you were somehow cis w extra steps bc thats. not a thing. even if you looked n acted n dressed exactly as you did when you viewed yourself before all of this but FELT you werent that presentation, you wouldnt be cis. you could like... be a girl but a bit to the left and youd be trans.

also, perhaps changing the language you think abt yourself with may help you rule out whats going on? instead of seeing things in a v binary girl things vs boy things way? its hard bc like. gender based society but trying to not see dressing a certain way as being feminine/dressing like a girl and certain pronouns being like. boy/masculine pronouns can really help! if you mean you dont want to bind or you like dresses, then you can do those things in a masc or fem or any way u want - its YOU doing it. if you want those things to be girl things bc it helps, then theyre girl things! if seeing them as boy things helps, then they're boy things!

im sorry if i... didnt really answer your question or help ultimately but i just remember how much wanting definite answers didn't really help me at the time so i dont want to say like. oh youre nonbinary! oh youre genderfluid! oh youre a demigirl! oh youre a he/him girl! being trans is so different for everyone n thats ultimately why you may be struggling to find specific answers.

honestly? id keep doing what youre doing and trying different gender affirming things like you are. something will click as you do and youll come to realizations that, in that space, will help you a lot. perhaps itll be something that changes but it will click eventually.

i literally felt like i was transphobic towards trans men for having he/him in my pronouns for YEARS bc i wasnt Being Male Enough to earn them. but i no longer see myself as needing to be masc to prove i deserve to be called a he. to me, thats as genderless as they/them. shits weird n personal n a bit cringe.

nothings wrong w you for not having things figured out either. you will. i promise.

[lvsifer]

As someone who hasn’t read beyond Iwtv and Tvl in 15 years but HAS recently read the Mayfair Witches trilogy and has been listening to a lot of Christopher Rice’s podcast where he every once in a while talks abt AR, I’d like to say:

Firstly, agreed that AR has flaws etc etc and I vaguely remember the VC being sexist but cannot currently speak to it beyond the books mentioned above, HOWEVER, her female characters in Mayfair Witches are so much more than ‘breeding machines’, (despite breeding being a part of the storyline). She also explores queerness in women in it, in regards to bisexuality as well as crossdressing, and certainly genderqueerness/transness even if just in passing. There are some things in these books that are certainly not things that I’d condone irl, but her exploration of ‘womanhood’ or more ‘personhood’ in regards to afab characters is beautiful, flawed, and human. Additionally she has said multiple times that she has gotten bad responses whenever she tried to introduce female characters and has implied she felt pressured to focus more on men. And yeah, she also was born 1941 and as someone whose dad wad born the same year…that is a whole 'nother can of worms and trust me she is LEAGUES above anything my dad ever tried to in regards to confronting discrimination of all sorts. I also think she gets way more shit than any male author who has similar problems in their writing. And that despite her already in the 70s writing abt the free people of colour in Nola and certainly in the 90s in interviews talking abt her thoughts on women’s safety from exploitation etc, plainly saying all her characters being bisexual in interviews (I think ppl underestimate how Big that is for the 90s), and that’s just what I’ve discovered in casual research over the last months.

Can she fill today’s best version of an intersectional feminist? Hell no. But neither could most of us even 10years ago with a much better upbringing and education. So yes, critique all the things that need critiquing, I am there with you, but let’s also not witch-hunt this person for whose characters we obviously hold great love. She clearly cared deeply abt things and though I fully agree that some things she did are wrong and disgusting (many of which however were also fully the norm at the time sadly), there also seems quite a lot of bad faith approaches to her from people who may have only read VC and not cared to inquire deeper into her thoughts on the things they take issue with. (Not that anyone has to but I feel like it’s being brought up disproportionately in this fandom.)

2) AR has said in interviews that she often ‘forgets she has a gender’ which CR also reiterated in one of his podcast eps where he states that AR often said that ‘she doesn’t feel like she had a gender’. And that plus how she identifies with Lestat/her feelings towards him. So…she definitely was some shape of trans, be that genderqueer, agender, transmasc etc (and clearly bi though that’s another discussion). I too (maybe patronisingly) wish she would have had opportunity to fully explore that intellectually and maybe physically the way that people can nowadays, though who knows how aware she was of this (fully agreeing with “you can know but you might not KNOW” bc hard same for me).

Currently thinking about how Anne Rice has expressed that Lestat is a reflection in many ways of the type of person she wished she could be and how she didn’t understand gender + didn’t entirely identify with womanhood, and how all of those feelings are a part of Gabrielle’s character, down to Gabrielle basically saying to Lestat that she loves him because she sees the type of man she can’t be reflected in him and I just…Im not the biggest fan of Anne Rice as a person, she was definitely very flawed (that may be an understatement), but I feel bad that she seemed to have had some unaddressed gender dysphoria, and never really got to explore her gender in a way that she found satisfactory. Based on how she’s spoken about it it seems like she didn’t consider exploring her gender identity to be a possibility. And honestly I find that really sad

[gabbyzvolt25]

I don’t kno if I’ve made a post about this before but like. Genderbend needs to stop meaning “cis swap” and start meaning “character identifies as a different gender than in canon.” 

(Also limit genderbends to like. AUs. Like an AU where everyone IDs as a diff gender than in canon.)

[hardestgrove]

I never planned to explore an romantic relationship with Steve or any poly content in the emily fic but in rewatching I’ve played myself bc I’m see how people actually react and are around each other and I’m like “oh this is a shit show”

Steve would end up with a crush on Emily because she really does support him emotionally after Nancy and all this shit. Billy is interested in her too romantically and/or platonically is unclear even to himself because those are conflated in his head when it comes to afab ppl thanks to toxic masculinity. They’re also increasingly weird in a sexual tension way with eachother.

Emily for her own fucking sanity suggests a threesome/polyamory bc she just cannot handle this tension on all sides. But that also semi-backfires BC she puts herself as bi and agender in the process of trying to get them comfortable with the concept bc the idea of being the “no homo buffer” makes her uncomfortable bc like…. She’s not a girl, it’s not “no homo”. So then she has to explain sexuality and gender to two utter dips.

It all works out in the end tho, even if it’s comically messy

[dog-teeth]

I asked this question before but I think it got eaten plus I wanna add to it anyways because. Oversharing to strangers online woo hoo

How did you figure out you were genderfluid? I'm an AFAB nonbinary but I'm still feminine leaning (I have trauma with he/him pronouns and being called a boy cause I got bullied for looking like a [t slur]) and go by they/them and suffer a lot of dysphoria at times, but sometimes I dont feel much dysphoria if at all and feel much more comfortable with she/her. I worry that if I say I'm gonna try to use she/they pronouns everyone will just call me a she/her and assume I was lying even though I'd prefer they/them in most settings... I dunno I also just struggle with validation or just knowing these things so lmk if this sounds like. Genderfluid stuff or if I'm just overthinking JFNDIFNW

being nonbinary is different to each person, and so is being genderfluid. i think people often forget that being nonbinary is not one monolithic, completely-androgynous gender. it’s definitely normal to have your dysphoria fluctuate, both in how intense it is & how it affects your gender presentation (like pronouns). you don’t have to use the label of genderfluid just because you feel dysphoria differently at different times and use different pronouns at other times. that’s normal and fine for any nonbinary person. but that also is a genderfluid thing, and if you identify with the label, and you think it helps you explain yourself, go ahead and use it!! that’s fine!! labels serve the purpose of helping people explain how they feel, both for self-understanding and to communicate with other people. you’re free to use no labels, or try different ones out, it’s fine if you don’t want to use them later! your description does seem like you could be genderfluid, & remember that both genderfluid and nonbinary are umbrella terms and highly individual experiences, so however you feel & relate to them is fine! there’s also words like demigirl (gender between or mixing female and nonbinary) & genderfae (genderfluid but never feeling masculine/male-aligned). but anything you want to use to call urself is fine!

as for pronouns, i know it’s hard to feel confident in asserting your identity and how you want other people to refer to you, but it’s totally fine to use both sets of pronouns and speak up about what makes you most comfortable. people who respect you will do their best to use your pronouns and won’t think you’re lying or faking. if they do, they’re transphobic, and you don’t need their understanding or approval to be valid. it’s ok to have a complex relationship with gender and presentation.

personally, i started leaning more into the genderfluid label when i realized i had been trying to find the right label for myself for years and none of them felt completely right, and i felt very differently at different points in time, both in the long-term and short-term. i felt like i could never pin it down. i still don’t even identify 100% as genderfluid - i’m too genderweird to feel fully explained by one label, or even multiple! i also use the terms genderqueer, agender, genderfaun, & trans, and i also feel like none of these words fully describe my gender, and trying to use words for it doesn’t always work. the way i feel gender and dysphoria changes a lot (although its been more consistent recently, but i don’t trust it to stay in one place too long), and what i want for my gender presentation / for how ppl perceive me also changes, again this is a general nonbinary thing and a genderfluidity thing.

tldr; you could be genderfluid and this is also normal for nonbinary people and u can do whatever u want