#again this is all my personal experiences with the LGBT+ community

[podado-t-memes]

My mother asked me a very interesting question:

“Why does your generation (Gen-Z) insist on adhering to lables and telling everyone what we identify as?”

She asked me this after she found out I am Asexual. (If we really want to get specific: Cis gender woman, who is a sex-repulsed Asexual, age 21.)

For context, my Mom is a Gen-X, Hispanic woman, raised catholic.

In my experience, labels help us know how to interact and identify eachother. What kinds of respect and social edicet must be used on a person to person basis and lets us know who might be safe to be around and out/open with.

Lets us know how to adress eachother. For example if my friend identifies as a nonbinary individual, due to this label, I know to use they/them pronouns. I’ve heard someone (IDK who) say,: “I may not respect you, but I will respect your pronouns.”

In a relationship context… (romantic specifically)

Labels allows us to inform any potential partners of what we might want or expect from a relationship. In my case the boundaries that must be set in place.

It is important to be upfont with potential partners about your identity whether it be gender or sexuality. For example, if you are polyamorous, any potential partners need clear communication as to what this relationship will entail. This opens the door for consent. (And consent is ✨Sexy✨!)

For me, I am very open about my Asexuality to all my partners. I want them to be aware of this side of me and what my needs are and they they are comfortable with dating me.

Also for someone who is aromatic, having this label takes the pressure off themselves from the outside world to seek a romantic relationship!

—————————————————————————

Tldr: “Why Gen-z uses labels?”

1. Respect

2. Community (Happy Pride everyone!!! 🏳️‍🌈)

3. Boundaries

4. Communication

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?

Well, if you trust many social media posts, then the answer would be a resounding "No". Narcissistic is - apparently - a synonym for abusive, and of course you can't have a healthy relationship with an abusive partner!

But, well, social media is not always right. A lot of topics get oversimplified, terms get misused and black-or-white thinking is rampant - and "narcissistic means abusive" falls into all three of those pits.

Let's look at it a bit closer: "Abusive" describes a set of behaviors - while narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) describes, well, a personality disorder. It's a mental health condition.

I am not a trained mental health professional, so I'll use a medical source here. According to mayoclinic.org (link to article), symptoms and their intensity may vary from one affected person to the next (just like the exact symptoms and severity of depression or anxiety may vary!). A person with NPD may

have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance

have an excessive need for attention and admiration

have low/no empathy (struggle to understand or care about the feelings of others)

have low self-worth

be easily upset by criticism

struggle with social interactions

have difficulty managing their emotions

experience major problems dealing with stress 

And, again just like with other mental health conditions, NPD can negatively affect the person in a lot of areas of life. For example, struggling to manage their emotions and stress levels may make it hard for them to hold down a job and cause financial worries, or they may avoid participating in social events, which may lead to them becoming isolated and depressed etc. And yes, of course some symptoms may also lead to problems in romantic relationships.

Therapy for NPD usually centers around talk therapy, with the goal of helping the person to better understand and manage their emotions, to learn how to cope with self-worth issues, and to create/maintain healthy fulfilling relationships and communication with the people around them.

Now, you can look at all this and go "See? The social media posts are right! They are self-centered, have no empathy and are easily upset! That's abusive!" - but that'd be jumping to conclusions. None of those things are behaviors.

An autistic person may also easily get upset and they may also feel low empathy. So could a person with major depression. Yet, we do not treat "autistic" or "depressed" as a synonym for abusive. We do not assume that their symptoms will definitely lead to abusive behavior. So, why would that be different for people with NPD?

Am I saying no person with NPD has ever been abusive? Of course not. That'd be black-or-white thinking, too. What I am saying is: People with NPD are people. And people can show abusive behavior or they can not.

If someone who easily feels upset hits you, that's abuse... but hitting would be abuse, even if they didn't feel easily upset. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be hitting you. If someone with no empathy degrades and insults you, that's abusive... but that would be abuse regardless of their ability to feel empathy. A partner with or without NPD shouldn't be degrading and insulting you.

A person could have NPD and behave abusive - but "some people are X and Y, so all people who are X must be Y" is a flawed logic.

So, let's circle back to the beginning: can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Yeah. It will be a relationship with someone who has a mental health condition and that's something to be aware of because mental health conditions do affect everyday life (duh?).

You should set boundaries and take warning signs of abuse seriously - like you should do when you date anyone, regardless of health status.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[sheyri]

My Triple A experience at Pride

I love going to Pride. Being among fellow queer people, loud music, blocking traffic with our demonstration, and just vibing. I try to attend as many as I can and travel for hours on full trains if necessary.

Big Prides are great, but I especially love smaller ones in rural areas. It's less of a party and more of a demonstration, as it should be. Unfortunately rural in my area means risking confrontations with nazis, but that's a different story.

But no matter how much I love being at Pride, there's always this underlying feeling of being excluded.

Even at smaller Prides, I'm usually not the only person with an ace flag. Occasionally you can find someone with an aro flag, sometimes even an aroace person. Rarely someone with an agender flag. Though there are more people with those as pins or other accessories. But hey, most people just have the rainbow flag and no one has to disclose their sexuality or gender. In short, the people in the demonstration are great!

But from the organisation side? It's almost like the A doesn't exist! Stage discussions? Nope, at most they name asexual when they go through the list of labels. Info material? I saw one flyer about grey asexuality. Stickers? Yeah, okay, those exist in the mix, but mostly ace.

On the other hand you see lesbian and gay, trans and bi everywhere. I love penis/I love vagina, love is love, love who you want, etc. Great to see that political parties don't look past the LGBT. Nice that discussions include non-binary people as an afterthought.

When talking about love all the time, is it too much to ask to mention there are different kinds of love? That love doesn't have to be romantic to be valid? That it can be whatever you want it to be? Mention the split attraction model in info material? Have info material about aromanticism at all? Some parties actually have an aromantic sticker, but those are even rarer than ace ones.

This year there's a lot of talk about legally changing your gender, because they finally changed the law in Germany to make it a lot easier. The stage discussions are all about how it used to be and how much easier it is now. I'm not sure if I heard mention of non-binary and intersex people in this regard. If, then it wasn't much. Would've been nice to hear them mention that "diverse" is an option for your legal gender, or that you can have it removed all together. And why and for whom that is important. Especially since some federal states banned gender sensitive language from schools and government places, to "protect the German language". (They criticised that and it's a whole different rant.) Come on, gender isn't a binary, some people exist somewhere in the middle, or outside of it, or don't have a gender at all. That's not new information and queer organisations like Pride should be well aware of that and speak about it! But I guess that topic is too risky and too uncomfortable for a stage in a public place.

TL,DR Pride is great, but as an aroace agender person I often feel excluded and unseen at least to some extent.

All that said, I have to end on something positive: my favourite Pride so far - CSD Göttingen 2023.

Organised by the community, for the community. No political parties were present, because they were not invited and not welcome. Instead we had queer organisations talking on stage and manning booths. Including the local asexual and aromantic network.

There were banners along the demonstration route, saying love is love. They were put up by the city, independently, without asking the organisers if those banners were wanted. They were not. (The organisers said that.)

Out of 15 Prides I went to so far, this one was the one where I felt most at home. Unfortunately it's quite far from where I live and this year it shares a date with another Pride I want to attend, so I can't go there again. Hopefully next year. And hopefully they can keep going like this. Independent from politicians.

[apas-95]

excuse my ignorance -- but how safe is it to be "openly" LGBT in china (or is it region dependent)? i try to be as pro/neutral-china as possible, but i've recently met a gay chinese person who says they're relieved to finally be able to freely express themselves now that they were out, even comparing the amount of LGBT repression to russia. i was surprised, but i also knew i couldn't just set aside their personal experiences -- and this wasn't the first time i heard that i wouldn't want to visit/live there on account of my lgbt status

I'd say it's entirely 'safe' - you're not going to suffer any violence for it, but social pressure and regressive attitudes certainly persist. China is a remarkably accepting place if you've lived anywhere else - on social matters like this, many people are simply ambivalent. Personal, familial pressure is the strongest factor, but otherwise it's rare to find strong opinions. Many people are just uneducated, have some implicit bias, and don't really care. It's not considered as much of a hot-button social issue as in other countries, and, most importantly, China is a very safe and stable country in general, where the types of on-the-street violence faced by minorities of all stripes in other countries is simply absent. I've not met anyone who doesn't feel safe walking alone at night in China. I think some people who grow up in China can be a bit sheltered about the realities of life outside, and can have some rose-tinted glasses. Certainly, for youth who partake in a lot of western culture, the more developed gay community can seem much less stifling, but the practical, on-the-ground reality leans the opposite way. That culture does exist more in the developed coastal cities, and less inland, but, again, this is an issue of social disconnection rather than homophobic violence. For what it's worth, I've had no trouble meeting other LGBT people, and most straight people who ask me if I'm gay find it to be a novelty rather than a source of outrage.

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Thinking about the transgender allegories that come with being a halfa. (Needing to hide your identity from the world, the government not respecting your autonomy as a person, only trusting your ghost half identity with very close friends and other members of the community)

Thinking about how Spectra weaponizing Danny's identity against himself, Skulker hunting him down for being what he is, and Walker's rules being as strict as they are and giving nobody any chance to learn them all feels like LGBT+ Community infighting metaphors.

ESPECIALLY Walker, and especially when combined with the genius headcanon that he is Maddie's dead dad because in that situation, Walker is the homophobic/transphobic man who spent his life fighting against these 'strange others' and when discovering that he's not as cishet as he thought, starts policing the community as a moral authority who's strict to an unobtainable degree.

Thinking of Skulktech's existence in general.

Thinking about how despite being told Ember and Skulker are a couple in canon, we never see much (if any) of their chemistry together. In theory, them being a couple could lead to an episode about them hunting Phantom down as a band/team as Ember's trying to engage in Skulker's hunting interest and Skulker's reciprocating by trying to engage in Ember's music interest, but we don't get anything like that.

Thinking about how all the cute couple stuff between them comes from phanon and in the show their relationship is more of an obligation. At best they're mutually bearding (Ember gains scary dog privilege with him to spook off the creepy fans and Skulker gets free seats to the shows of the most popular rockstar in the ghost zone), and at worst they're in an unhappy forced hetero-normative relationship.

Thinking about how Danny's arc going from fighting ghosts to working with them and deciding to be the bridge between the human world and the ghost world could be an allegory for him learning to love himself for what he is.

Thinking about how those transgender allegories also apply to Vlad on the grounds he himself is one.

Thinking about how we never even see or hear about Vlad's biological family outside of an off-mention about a sister he might not even have. "If anyone asks, you're my sister's cat".

Thinking about how Vlad and Danny are thematic opposites despite being the (former) only two of their kind, how Vlad has everything but the family he wants so badly and how we're proven time and time again that when the chips are down and when it comes to it, Jack and Maddie always love and accept Danny and his ghost half.

Thinking... Did Vlad get disowned from his family for being what he is?

Also with all of these thoughts, Badger Cereal in a nutshell is 'trans teenager whose only experience with lgbt communities is toxic cesspools filled with infighting tries to cancel his pseudo-uncle/godfather on twitter because "he used anti-lbgt slurs" (to describe himself) and instead of being mature, Vlad retorts with "My transsexual whore ass was with both of your parents back in college, I'd recommend getting a DNA test before throwing stones Little Badger"🫶. Because he himself is also pretty toxic and petty.'

[beartitled]

Can you do some more comics with Francis mosses

I can, but the problem is

That I’m pretty much out of ideas and I’m progressively getting tired of tnmn fandom

Ppl who look at my tags probably noticed that 😓

More of my thoughts under read more for curious ppl

(short answer maybe I will do more, but I desperately need a break from tnmn)

! Just a general warning: this came out kinda long + sort of venty

Originally I planned to do 1 comic drop and move on, but got stuck bc ppl liked tnmn comics and kept asking for more (and still do-)

Generally I don’t mind doing more if the ideas are there, but I want to address this: I’m tired

I know blowing up is usually a good thing and I appreciate people enjoying my stuff

But it’s exhausting to see that tnmn is the only type of content which is relevant, to the point that my own projects or stuff I enjoy are just kinda.. ignored

It’s fair – again my blog is heavily fandom based

(+Tsp were and still is kinda the focus)

But with tnmn fandom it’s a bit… different

Maybe I’m biased and it’s just my negative experience with tiktok comments

Remember this art?

cleaning up transphobic comments was.. um tough

Again, I get that you can’t be in that neat bubble completely sheltered from negativity

Humans are just assholes by nature really/j

So I was expecting the backlash, but not that much

I think maybe tsp fandom spoiled me a bit (in a good way), bc I got a feeling that everyone in tsp was positive of any lgbt+ headcanons and just generally more supportive

(don’t get me wrong, there ARE problems in tsp community too, taking narrators design controversy into account as one of the examples)

Obviously every fandom always has it’s own issues, show me at least one fandom that didn’t have some sort of meaningless controversy or some sort of problematic people in it

It happens

But it leaves a bad taste in your mouth sometimes

And for me personally it only added to not so pleasant experience

The thing I also noticed, when I interacted with other fandoms

Ppl wrote positive stuff first and foremost, not really asking for anything

Here it’s just “hey more. I want more. Do more. Do this character. Do this. Do more.”

The only reason I kept doing more, because likes, reblogs, views – these comics get a ton of attention

there is a audience to please alright

But this thing comes with a pressure tho

and it shows

so let me illustrate

This bookcase

Is my shame

Because I was so rushing, I just copied and colour corrected this bookcase from my diploma comic and pasted it here in hopes for the best

💥IT LOOKS HORRIBLE OKAY💥

Usually it’s normal to take materials used in other projects

the not so normal part is

to leave it like that because your stress reducing tea doesn’t work and you don’t really have time to redraw it

my m en ta l s t a t e i s f i n e ah ah h ah ah

Ok but jokes aside: it’s really tempting, to just abandon everything and produce content like some sort of content farm

But I don’t want to, I’m forcing myself and it makes my art worse

Yes it’s subtle, new people won’t even see this

But I’m not improving

And I don’t enjoy just anxiously popping out comics because everyone keeps asking

I can give it my all to something when I’m passionate, but just “hey I’m getting attention” is not the best motivator

Attention like that does get to my head, I know that I will probably give in again and do more, bc I will compare my posts engagement

But what’s the point of recognition, when you feel.. so numb about it…

Sorry for a mountain of text and thank you for ppl who actually took their time to read it

It’s been building up for a while and I feel like people need to know the reason why I’m not so enthusiastic about making “more”

I’m not necessarily completely abandoning this fandom

I still plan to do ask/suggestions event for STP (I’m just making sure I can dedicate my time to it, that’s why it’s taking so long) and I can add tnmn to the mix

Like STP+tnmn kind of deal

But for now – I need a break

At least for a little bit

[a-very-tired-jew]

Hey there! I'm curious about Judaism. I've been doing some research but as you can probably imagine especially these days i've been getting a LOT of mixed messages. Much like anyone I know general background information but I wanted to dig deeper and see exactly what the process of conversion is? As well as other offhand questions which are best asked to someone who lives that life. Like how does the Jewish community largely interact with LGBT+ folk? Thank you and i'm sorry if i'm asking a lot from you!

It's totally okay to ask all this. Unfortunately I am not the best one to ask about the conversion process. I am a secular Jew who was born and raised in it. I was molded by it. I didn't see a Christmas tree till I was in the second graaaaade. *more incoherent Bane noises*

There are a number of converts and people current converting on here who can speak to their own experiences and what they did/currently are doing. When I speak on Jewish issues I tend to speak from the secular, cultural, and historical side of things that I have experienced and researched. Regarding the LGBT+ question, the area where I grew up in the USA is one of the largest interstate Jewish communities. As such, the politics within are reflective of the politics outside of it. Meaning, we've got people who are absolutely homophobic and transphobic, and we've got people who are supportive and make sure we're accepted. I personally grew up in the Reconstructionist movement which was/is extremely left and very accepting. The greater Reform community that we existed in was accepting as well. From my understanding acceptance was really relegated to your local community and the views contained within. I know plenty of Conservative Jews who are LGTB+ and accepted by their community, but I also know ones that left the synagogue they were part of when they came out and switched to a more accepting one. Again, it's all about finding what feels right to you and provides in the manner you need. I know less about the Orthodox cultural acceptance, but that is simply due to me not interacting with members as much. Maybe someone else can weigh in. However, you must remember that when you put two Jews in a room, you will get three opinions. Meaning someone else could completely disagree with all of this, then we discuss, and come to a completely different conclusion. It's just how it works.

[wellofdean]

Today’s debate going on in your asks is really making me feel validated. I have always read Dean as bisexual, even the very first time I watched the show in 2011? 12? It was so important to me as a, at that time, closeted bisexual myself. Because as you said, bisexuals can “play it straight.” We often need to so that we’re not attacked by straights and the LGBT+ community alike for “pretending” to “actually” swing one way or the other. Dean, of course, felt attacked by a completely different community, the straight, heavily macho hunter community, but both the text and subtext was clearly there.

Coming from a family that does not accept queerness of any kind, I completely identified with Dean and his, as Sam called out, over-compensating, his overwhelming demonstration of masculinity, his softness with children and women who did not display matching overwhelming femininity, his blustering when teased about such things. Dean also had to constantly defend himself in other respects. In his here-and-there school days, for example, he fought with others about how his dad was a hero, how he wasn’t a freak. Additionally, Sam was and always would be his first priority. His happiness and personal feelings were never not on the back burner. Sam came first. The mission came second. The victims third. His own health and wellness was so buried on the ladder of priorities it may as well have been the unnoticed rusty nail on a random rung.

All of which coincides with my high school experience. School came first. Then my part-time job. Then building friendships and pursuing that teenage “normalcy.” Then maintaining/appeasing family… Who cared about my personal inclinations? I certainly didn’t haven’t time to. Besides, that’s what your twenties are for, when you have the time, freedom, and maturity to explore while making smart, cautious choices while entering new communities and relationships.

Dean, however, didn’t have that time, freedom, or maturity. Yes, he grew up too hard too fast, but in a way that skipped over the development of interpersonal skills. He went straight from 5 to 45 under the ever-present, threatening and abusive command of his homophobic father. There was no other possible outcome for him other than a deeply closeted bisexual. And it’s always present, in his flirting with cops like the “Blue Steel” mugshot, in his dynamic with Victor Henriksen, in his flirting for Charlie, in his “gay thing” with Aaron (was that his name? It’s been a while).

Jensen plays Dean so, so well with so much depth and understanding and nuance. And at this point, the fandom at large just frustrates me (rather than infuriates as it did ten years ago when I was far more invested) in its denial and/or debate regarding his bisexuality because to me it’s perfectly clear.

Thanks for this ask, and from one invisible bisexual to another, I feel you. The story means a lot to me, too, and for similar reasons. I really relate to Dean in a lot of ways, and it makes me so sad when people say it's queerbaiting and homophobic, because I think not understanding your own heart, living for years outside of your own truth, and not getting over your bullshit until it's too late and having to live with the grief of that are quintessential bi experiences for A LOT of people. Dean makes me feel seen, and I wish such huge swathes of the fandom would just...watch it again and see that it's deeply queer -- it's just not the story they told themselves in their own heads.

[selfundiagnosed]

update uhh they scrubbed the super awesome pro lgbt wink wink nudge nudge social media accounts for Kum & Go because all Kum & Go’s are being replaced by Mavericks. theyre Utah based and very concerned about the sexual connotations of the name “Kum & Go” so by next year be prepared to say goodbye to beautiful Kum & Go. the purity panic is murdering an actual absolute legend. All of my hard work i spent growing the Kum & Go tiktok account from 0 to almost 200k like no trace of it. i have no car and have had to quit my irl job because of it & was considering doing remote work through social media marketing again and i would only be able to cite my experience with Kum & Go but they silently wiped all my videos off the account. im so like. even if not to work a job it would be cool to have all that work still up. Like fuck idk dude. that was kind of my hope for 2024. i cant rlly work without a car so i was like if i get mentally better i can go back to doing that and it would be a lot easier than having go figure out something else. which like we cant all have our ideal worlds but the bus doesnt come anywhere near where i live so it just sucks. i know how this website feels about corporate accounts but fuck. Kum & Go was. It was fucking awesome lmfao i was genuinely proud to be a corporate account if the corporation was Kum & Go. they were so focused on being in on the joke of their name and did so much help to the community in recent years like hiring associates who just came out of prison. people with records. People with weird hair colors and visible tattoos and piercings. associates had amazing benefits. & like our social media department worked with a gay man who streamed on twitch to sell a shirt that said Kum & Gay rights like in the purity panic i thoroughly do believe like it was impactful and meaningful. did lots of fundraising for LGBT organizations like locally Iowa Safe Schools and their annual GSA event for lgbt iowa teenagers in GSAs. now the company is being killed! and ik its a corporation a company & intrinsically flawed because of that, i had my own personal gripes with this aspect. But like fuck. I remembering being on tumblr sneakily as a 12 year old and seeing the tumblr heritage posts of ppl discovering kum & go… like i knew i wanted to do a Denny’s tumblr-esque thing around this tjme too so when i had to opportunity to work on their tiktok account and build it up from scratch it felt like the universe handed me the opportunity on a silver platter. im just like fuck this fucking sucks. heres the article idk if i can get a link without a paywall though :/ anyway. RIP to a legend. go find the nearest one and buy the epic kum merch while you still can this year guys :/

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Stuff like "Being aromantic is okay - it means your life doesn't revolve around finding a partner, so you can have tons of friends! Having a whole friend group to love is so much purer and better than only having one partner to love" is well-meant... but there are multiple reasons why I don't think this should be the main point to use when you want to share aromantic positivity:

Aromantic people exist, not feeling romantic attraction is one of the many possible human experiences out there. So, being aromantic is okay! Full stop. No (spoken or silent) "if" or "but" or "as long as".

The focus on friendship implies that not feeling romantic attraction is only okay because they make up for it by having many friends. Making up for it isn't necessary because it's not a flaw or personal weakness.

There are people who struggle to make friends. There are people who don't feel the need to make friends. If those people happen to also be aromantic, they deserve to have a space in the community and not feel like a "bad example".

There are plenty of ways to interpret the world around you and your feelings about people. Not everyone feels comfortable with the idea that they "love" their friends (or the implication that you need to at least love your friends if you can't love a partner)

It's kinda weird to imply that people who feel romantic attraction are unable to have any interests but romance or do not have any deep connections to people other than their partner.

It's not impure or bad to want a partner. Again, really weird implications here! You can uplift aromantic people without bad-mouthing people who want romantic relationships.

Some aromantic people also have or want a special relationship with one specific person. They are still aromantic.

Can we just generally retire the idea that one way of living your life is "purer" than other ways?

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[solar-sunnyside-up]

hey, something i've been struggling with recently is i've been struggling with "finding my people" because i'm a minority in my hometown, and a lot of people... aren't. they don't understand me, and often when i try to get them to understand they seem like they fall back into the old systems they were traumatized with (elitism, classism ect.,). 1/2 -solidarity anon

Im gunna say this at the top, this is so rough and im so sorry you gotta go through this sweetie. We are so isolated and filtered into categories within our current system in order to keep that isolation and to fight solidarity and unity. Now I cannot know for 100% sure what your going through or the extend your suffering. But will say I am from and currently still live in a oil loving, god fearing, anti-LGBT, and very racist city while i was raised wiccan by a poly core family and all my gay aunts/uncles and have been dreaming of an earthship my whole life plus every summer id be stuck in an even more harsh farming community that was so small they gotntheir first street light when i was 9 and the chruch is also town hall (mayor works in a wing off of the building). So there is at least some overlap in the experiences your having.

But that being said, how I got weirdly connected to people and involved in so many projects and stuff might not work for you.

Personally? I just yelled and yelled about the injustice of the system at work, about cool forestry projects and people buying ghost towns to start up Co-loving villages. Sharing discworld and different philosophers with coworkers backed up by their fave hobby. About how terrible the conservative politics are. About how cool transit could be if we funded it. About community art projects and how cool solar glass would make things look. About drags shows and events and did you know there is A SOUP FESTIVAL? I'm autistic and have only really interacted my whole childhood with friends with ADHD so my brain is weird and won't shut up once it starts going.

As a result of my ramblings, I have gotten a lot of responses mostly ones that are positive since if they didn't agree with my absurdist philosophy ramblings or solar project ideas they'd just leave the coffee shop. If they enjoyed it, say they want to join a community garden/event or if someone was as stoked as I was about again UNLIMITED TASTINGS SOUP FESTIVAL than we'd chat about that. The thing is a lot of these things have overlap. Someone who wants to convert their lawn into a pollinators habitate prob also likes little libraries and as a result prob also likes the idea of dark sky street lights. And down the rabbit hole you go.

That being said... my best actual advice is 2 pronged.

RESEARCH and REACH OUT

I personally have done years worth of research on my city. What local events and politics are happening? Even in rural places there is at least garderns, there's engineers, there's usually a LGBT focused club. And from these spaces, you can build a network. Doing research I found out about 5 different organizations in my city (most of which was founded 40 yrs ago??) That where sustainability focused. Doing research made me realize how cool community associations could be and how I could help mine out. It also gives you all those ideas for convos.

Second, I reached out to those groups about weird ideas I had, about if I could hang up posters for them in my local area, if I could buy groups worth of tickets in advance, and than also reaching out to the ppl I already talked to and had these ppl interact. My fave example of this is T. T is an engineer who built a fully functioning solar car during his degree program but specializes in hydroponics (how we ended up talking was over plants) he than gets shown my fave farm near by and now he's building the farms hydro system and Seedling house. Writing in to newsletter ppl and showing off weird layout design. This is ultimately very anxiety indusing. What if I'm bothering them? Why should I be spamming them like this? But the secret here is-

No one will ever be mad about you showing interest in their interest once you find those ppl. They want the interaction just as much as you do.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

Hello, Twyla here. ♡ ̆̈

I've been chatting with @crimsondinnerparty about the Hannibal series. My blog mainly focuses on love, the Hannibal series isn't a genre I typically cover. However after hearing about the pair, I'm interested in featuring them on my blog for my audience. She suggested your account for any questions, so I hope you don't mind me asking you.

For me to feature any pair in my blog I only have 3 questions -

1. Are the actors fine with the shipping?

2. If the ship is canon , do the actors acknowledge it?(it would be great if you can tell me if they interpret the relationship as romantic or just a bromance , just for clarity to my followers,I get a lot of suggestions from people who sometimes want me to feature a fanon pair )

3. Are the actors and crew respectful to the LGBTQIA community ?

⤷ I hope you don’t mind me asking these questions. I eagerly await your response, and I hope your community gains more followers from my fandoms.

Hi, I sent you an ask a few hours ago. If you could reply to me privately, it would be great.* So, I was talking with some of my friends, who are my mutuals, and they really don't want me to reblog Hannibal-related content at all because they think it would give my blog a negative impression. For context, I am an active ally who fights for LGBTQ+ representation in movies and series. My focus is on normalizing queer relationships in my media and not stereotyping the community. My blog is important because people come there to get recommendations and send me theirs. In the discussion, one of my friends said there's a homophobic lesbian scene and also mentioned that the storyteller is problematic because he said his story is "queerbaiting." I really don't want to post any queerbaiting content as my followers mostly come from the Sherlock fandom, and if I put the same thing in front of them again, it's going to be very messy. For example, my followers are used to canon pairings like Ofmd, Maurice, Fellow Travelers, etc. I personally do my homework to see if any actors are LGBT+ who played the characters. After the discussion, I am hesitant about the Hannigram ship. Also, there's a debate about one of the actors' hesitation towards the fandom and relationship. This will be the same as the Supernatural fandom, and again, it was a mess, and I don't want to deal with that either.

Well...I'm going to give you an answer of sorts--I'm going to tell you where you can find your answer, at least--but I'm not actually going to answer your specific questions in any meaningful way.

Because here's the thing: you've got a question here that is the thread running through all your other questions and the context of your friends and others trying to influence your blog content. And that's because that question isn't really about Hannibal at all.

It's about what kind of blogger you want to be. And what kind of person you want to be, and where you want that person to exist in the spectrum of history and experience that is the queer experience.

In more cynical terms, it's a branding question: what kind of blog are you running with what kind of content, and what kind of experience do you want people to have if they follow or visit, and who do you think your audience is?

In that context the most important thing I saw in your asks was: "I am an active ally who fights for LGBTQ+ representation in movies and series. My focus is on normalizing queer relationships in my media and not stereotyping the community. My blog is important because people come there to get recommendations and send me theirs."

So it seems to me that if you apply Hannibal to your vision statement here, you get a pretty easy set of answers for some of it:

Is Hannibal a queer product with queer representation? Yes. Did people recommend Hannibal? Apparently. Might some of your audience be interested in the series and want to see it? Based on the three other products you mentioned blogging...maybe? At least some will. And some, like your friend, won't.

The trickier question is the middle question: will recommending Hannibal help normalize queer relationships and resist stereotyping?

Well, nothing about Hannibal, textually, is normal. Whether it's queer or not. It's about extraordinary people doing extraordinary things in a world that only looks normal. But subtextually--and even metatextually--the struggle at the center of Will Graham's character journey is entirely queer, and intertextually, that struggle is the same struggle between feared monstrosity and self-acceptance that is at the heart of why so many queer people are attracted to monster horror. Here is a good article that summarizes some of the issues that you're wondering about, and about the level of queerness that exists on a show that is entirely consumed by the love between two men while never actually allowing them even to kiss.

So as far as normalizing as in making gay stuff seem totes ordinary and all, without being stereotypical, the answer is sure, kind of--especially given there's also a lesbian relationship. Anecdotally I can tell you that my students perceive and accept the gayness of it more readily now than ever, and whether that's because media in general is more accepting or because people are or because the show itself creates that doesn't really matter--it's all a cycle of reinforcement, and the show does contribute to that reinforcement, so I'd say it's a net positive. But it's not going to meet the bar of the shows that you've cited here as the other pieces that you are interested in blogging about. Those seem to be explicitly gay, and/or often specifically about being gay, where the queerness is consummated and a main driver of the plot and center of the story. TBH, I wouldn't even know whether to recommend Black Sails to you based on the list you gave. And that show is gay af.

Hannibal doesn't belong in that group.

But that does not mean it's not queer. it's definitely more in the closet, but the queerness is threaded through the narrative thematically and symbolically in ways that the other shows you blog about might not do (I haven't seen them, so IDK--I am aware of them).

Hannibal is a product that is derivative from original works that definitely used queerness or queer-coding as horror itself. The author of the original books, Thomas Harris, had some real homophobia. To give credit where he put in the effort, he listened to criticisms about his work on that level and seemed to really work on trying to change that in himself and do better for representation and in his work over the course of time (with some hits and misses which is typical of this kind of personal growth), but regardless, Hannibal Lecter will always be an inheritor of the mid-twentieth century notion of Stereotypical Evil Gays, and anyone who wants to object based on that heritage will always be able to do so as long as Hannibal himself remains at all queer in any subsequent iterations. I think that's a bit of a bad faith reading, personally, in this day and age, but someone will always complain about it.

And that's the thing about Hannibal: it's problematic--not in the ridiculous way the word "problematic" has come to be used, meaning just "offensive," or some such nonsense (because the show really is not to anyone who is thinking critically) but truly in the sense of literally presenting problems and posing questions that are not easy to answer in a way that you can tie a pretty little bow on and put it on a controversy-free shelf, never to be taken down again to be re-examined.

Which is why Hannibal will be a part of literature--and queer literature, history, and heritage specifically--longer than shows that are easier to approach. Much like being queer itself is often problematic: it's not an easy road to travel, but there's a depth of human experience and history in it that means that most of us would not choose to travel a different, easier road, even if we could.

And it got canceled before it got to finish telling the story that it wanted to tell about these two men. It's forever been robbed of the chance to state definitively and finally what story it was ultimately trying to tell.

So the question you have to answer for yourself about whether or not Hannibal belongs on your blog has a lot to do with the queer zeitgeist that we exist in at this moment. Western queer communities are now passing through a phase of media consumption that is both a vast improvement on what the Sherlock fans you mentioned had to deal with, while also not quite releasing the trauma from the Sherlock-type experiences at the same time. It's fostered a kind of judgmental "queer fragility," wherein audiences, having come from a heritage that first entirely ignored the existence of queer people to the point of necessitating queer-coding, then depicted as mostly stereotypes, then started to have some real representation, but often what you got was sidelined or "bromanced," while creatives were often actively hostile to queer fans, and finally, now we have some pretty regular and relatively common and nuanced representation. With all that baggage for audiences to lug around, a lot of people are--understandably!--not at all interested in any media that reminds them of any of those other painful phases of the past. This fragility is something I tend to believe is a vocal minority, but they are VERY vocal, to the point of easily making themselves look like a majority in spaces like social media, where one only sees the people who are talking, not the rest of the people standing in the room. I believe as time goes on, if representation continues, people will eventually move out of this phase of fragility and be able to look back at the cultural media heritage of queerness without it eliciting such a visceral response. But I don't think we're there yet.

So who is your audience, then? Whom do you want to be your audience, and how will your content cater to them? Do you want your audience to be primarily the most traumatized and to cater to them in a fully safe way, where all your reblogs are considered endorsed as "safe," and they don't have to approach anything that has as much nuance going on with it as Hannibal? This kind of safe space is fully warranted and needed for these people, and if this is what you want your blog to be, I'd probably forego highlighting Hannibal.

But if you want to have a broader audience than that, or if you consider part of your mission to avoid stereotyping and to advance representation to mean that you need to include more queer representation, across a broader spectrum of queer history, heritage, and time, and if you see your reblogs as representative of offering that whole and varied spectrum of queer experience for your audience, then Hannibal 100% should be included.

Neither of these are without pitfalls: if you do the first, you'll have to vet everything down to the last detail. It'll be a lot of work. And woe betide you if you ever include something someone doesn't want.

If you do the second, you might let yourself off of some work, but your content will be diluted unless you assume a rather comprehensive tagging system and at least watch everything you recommend. And woe betide you if you don't include everything everyone wants all the time.

So in the end, the answer just lies with you, what you personally think of Hannibal, and whether or not you want to include it. Ultimately you're always going to be the judge of that, so what I say about the specific issues your friend mentioned versus what they said doesn't really matter either way. Your blog needs to be yours, even if it's based on recommendations. You're going to lose people either way you choose to do it. So just remember that your first audience--and last--is always just you.

I couldn't possibly go into significant detail about all the things you've mentioned in the course of a single post and do a fair job representing the nuance behind all those controversies, but I can tell you what I think about all the things, briefly.

And my brief opinion is that your friend has shit for takes. Sorry. But the list you gave of the things your friend objected to is all the absolute worst takes on every last one of those topics. If you want to do more research about any of this, I have already spoken to nearly all of it in my Hannibal meta tag, which you could probably pretty easily skim through (with some time, lol) to find most of your answers since there's no way I've the energy to rehash it all. Or ask @crimsondinnerparty, who has a preternatural ability to find things in my blog that even I can't find. Or you could just take your friend's word for all of it, to keep the peace and just assume that whatever they think is what you think and that they're educated enough to know what they're talking about. (It sounds to me like they've just heard gossip.)

You ARE going to have messes. That is one reality of running a fandom blog on Tumblr, if you have designed a blog for audience input, which you have. Specifically, if you reblog Hannibal, you'll disappoint your friend. If you don't, you'll disappoint the person who recommended it.

I think in the end you just need to decide to blog what you like.

Show us who you are.

_____

*I doublechecked that answering this publicly would be fine. It is. I wanted to publish this because I think there's an inherent greater discussion going on here about the nature of queerness and the nature of fandom.

[cleolinda]

A couple of days I had this overwhelming urge to talk about shit, so that happened. It was a good thing, maybe, and I’m #thankful for all your love and support. Anyone who said, “Things you wrote have helped me”—that’s why I write about personal things, like mental health and being bipolar as well. That’s entirely why. I truly believe that I am not alone in any human experience I have had, and I hope you can feel like that, too.

I realized that I did, in fact, talk about being bi here in 2015. I have no memory of this at all; I think it says a lot about the last 6-7 years that I didn’t even remember a time when I felt like I could say that.

So the post on Monday might have been superfluous after all, but I cried while writing it, so I guess that tells you I needed it. I’m not a crier, is the worst of it. I cry like three times a year. My backed-up Tear Concentrate burns like xenomorph acid. I don’t care for that shit at all. But it was kind of a good cry? Emotions, why do we have them.

As a point of interest, I still didn’t know I was sapphic bi when I was angry about the LGBT storylines in NBC’s 2013 Dracula series, which I recapped for a while. I was especially furious about Lucy’s bisexual “let me come out to Mina so she can throw me out into the street” arc, and I’m seeing some things about myself in the rearview mirror there. Also I will never forgive the show writer who was congratulating himself for having “real” storylines about how difficult it is to be LGBT, which included the horrible deaths of a gay male couple. Fuck off. We don’t need your “help.”

I absolutely did know when I was raging about The Magicians (when was this, 2019?). I believe I even said I was bi in the post about that, but talking about myself wasn’t the point there, and I don’t know how many people saw it. Those show writers, also, can fuck off into the sun, and I hope the sun tells them to fuck off as well.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been this blunt, this harsh about how angry I am. I’m usually very diplomatic. But this shit has consequences. I don’t cry often, but I cried in 2014 at the realization that I “couldn’t” be “normal” and straight, in the year before I came to love being normal and queer. Stories like Lucy’s are, subconsciously, why I would cry like that, why I would feel horrified at the idea of being myself. (Which I will write about later.) And that’s just the small way media effects me. We are seeing, in real time in the US now, the rippling consequences of insisting ever more hatefully that LGBTQIA people don’t get to be happy. As far as I can tell, media is crawling towards being better in the last few years. I wouldn’t know; I don’t invest much of myself in TV anymore.

I did not intend for this to be an angry post, but here we are. Maybe that’s why it feels different and even necessary to go through all of the “did I mention I’m queer” business again seven years later. I’m here and I’ve gone feral about it. Being angry right now feels like community. Wrath Month.

I am going to keep writing about some of the things I thought and went through during the year(s) I was figuring this out, because I think these experiences were weird and absurd—and recognizable. This is my blog now, welcome to hell. And happy Thanksgiving.

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

[meatsex]

i watched "i saw the tv glow", it really didnt do anything for me, but i think its just because im not its intended audience, literally or in a sense that im not a very emotional person, if anything it made me consider once again some personal stuff that isnt particularly relevant to the movie itself

i feel like i dont really have a sense of connection with the lgbt community or movement or anything relating to it, and i know its not like a textbook rule to be apart of it to be who you are, but it does still feel a bit alienating to just feel nothing for it, i guess? all of my friends around me are usually very prideful of this stuff, go to the parades, put on their pride icons and what not, but i couldnt even cheer much for my own surgery, everyone around me did that much more than i did, ive never felt like its something i should ponder much about, and again its not necessary but it still feels alienating

my lgbt experience growing up was incredibly lonely, my experience in general growing up was incredibly lonely, but even so, the only person i had when i began to doubt myself was my then boyfriend who wasnt really open to the idea of gender, iirc, and even if that changed it was still just not the best support. i only really began to talk with other lgbt people some years ago, online, and in person only recently, so the only support i had was sometimes people on the internet

even if the things that i went through recently were among others, i still feel like it was a lone journey, and now im honestly kinda lost, and im kinda sad, but for reasons that again have nothing to do with any of this or even the movie, its something thats always been on my mind, and it feels really strange, in a way my identity kinda is what it is, theres nothing to showcase about it, and im fine with that, but it still stings some times that i was alone on that

[magnetothemagnificent]

Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play How does being Jewish play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

I say this all the time, but my Jewish identity is inseparable from my queer identity. I am a trans man, but I am a Jewish man, and the way I express my manhood and experience gender euphoria is through Jewish manhood. The way I interpret and express my feelings about my gender and sexuality are through a deeply Jewish lens. My understanding of gender and sexuality and attraction and love comes from my Jewish upbringing.

The question of whether I feel welcomed in my spiritual community is complicated, because the Jewish community isn't a monolith. My family is Orthodox Jewish, and people outside of the community have this expectation that it's entirely hostile to queer people, and while it's not easy, there's so many queer people living in plain sight that even the more politically conservative Jews just ignore, even if they know they exist. And because of the emphasis of refraining from "Lashon Hara" (in a very crude translation; gossip), if someone in the community is queer, many people just look the other way and don't make a big fuss about it, because then that would constitute as Lashon Hara. Again, most, because that doesn't mean there isn't intense queerphobia (that I personally have been on the receiving end of). There certainly are sects of Judaism that would be less welcoming to me than others, but at the end of the day I feel safer in a homophobic and transphobic Jewish space then I do in an antisemitic queer space. Because at least most queerphobic Jews have a "love the sinner hate the sin" mentality, while antisemitic queer people just want me and my people physically and spiritually exterminated.

But as for my own spiritual community, there's a small congregation that I'd like to attend more often but is too far at present, that is officially labeled as Egalitarian Orthodox, and is queer friendly. I like it because it feels familiar to many Orthodox traditions I'm used to, but it's also welcoming to queer people.