#again im safe and okay. just exhausted in every capacity.

[vanillabat99]

I've been remembering my nightmares a lot lately and they're starting to get to me a little bit. (CW for brief descriptions of violence/assault/unreality and venting)

Last night's was a weird one. It was the first time in my nightmares where me saying "no" was even remotely respected. I'm so used to having my begging be ignored and ending up experiencing something I do not want to think about. I don't know how to feel about it. It's a really weird mix, having something like that happen and also moments later watching people get their skulls drilled open while they are awake and screaming ._.

The other day, my nightmare included a rotting man in a moldy and disgusting bunny costume, where he would stand perfectly still until I got close and then he would lunge out and grab me. I think he's gonna be burned into my brain for awhile.

Ever since one nightmare, I've been getting the occasional hallucination of everything tasting like lighter fluid. It's disgusting. A different nightmare has caused me to feel sick at the sight of meat.

I feel like I've tried everything when it comes to dealing with nightmares. Therapy hasn't had any impact and medications made things worse. With the way my dreams work, "changing the channel" (or similar strategies) is not possible. I've tried changing my environment, my diet, my schedule, and nothing works. I feel like I will never be rid of the nightmares.

It's so hard when I never know if I'm dreaming or not. My nightmares and memories are all mixed up and I can't always tell them apart. Everything I experience in my dreams feels so real, and it stays with me when I wake up. It's so awful.

I hope tonight isn't so bad, but it's not like there's anything I'd be able to do about it ._.

[demigoddessqueens]

Hi, its me again! Could I ask for a castlevania matchup?

I dont know if physical traits are important or so imma slide some in if uts okay.

Im a latina: Full figure, rather large and a bit taller than the majority of women of my country; dark wavy hair, honey eyes, big eye lashes and fair skin. I have a beauty spot under my right eye and plush lips. I have a couple scars and marks on my body, but they dont bother me. I also wear classes cause im blind as a mole.

Personality wise, to make it short, im tired. Of people, work, routine, neighbours. You name it. Im giving myself the rest and care I deserve. I shut everyone else exept my close family out and im good like this. Im a empath, the "mom" type of woman, I care deeply about those who are close to me. Im resilient and hardworking, i love to learn, and share the knowledge. Im also a animal lover and I rather their company. Im family focused and deeply religious. I hate lazy, loud and show-offs. My family describes me as wise, guarded and understanding. I judge people by their actions not their pasts. And i love being in nature.

Thank you!

Adding on…

a lover of arts, erotic and non-erotic.

Of course!

Masterlist 11

I match you up with….Trevor!! Treffy 💙

Safe to say, this man appreciates and ADORES every inch of your body!! Just handsy all over

Like he is DOWN bad on hands and knees!!

Plays with your hair constantly, tracing and kissing along your scars and beauty mark(s)

“Hmmm…looks like we both match…”

His striking blue eyes melting into your golden/brown ones

Will sometimes tease you by stealing your glasses and but then he

“Christ, love, you need better specs!”

Honestly, he gets it whenever you feel tired of things. He’s felt like that for the longest time.

Doesn’t get enough credit for his intuition because the moment he senses your exhaustion, he’ll peel you away from the situation just to let you breath

Is a breath of fresh air and a sober (pun intended) reminder that you can take time for yourself, learn to relax, unwind and feel comfortable with him in any capacity

[shapetorn]

lux dissects ‘the truth about tan.a.con’ in detail 

these details / rant is going under a read more because as someone who’s worked in the media / entertainment industry and has worked on planning full festivals - this is incredibly frustrating to me to see how poorly executed this was:   content warning:  potential swearing, idk whatever. just be prepared for a rant. 

tana literally curses vidcon. talks so much shit about it. she is partly responsible for this. for seeing that it was set for the same days that vidcon was to happen. to try and one up vidcon. this was a spiteful move on her end, 100%. we can’t even act like it’s not. 

to even advertise and promote this event for FREE - yet to charge people money. obviously this is a fucking idiotic thing. you can’t do that, logically. especially when you have expenses that occur - venue rental, security, adequate food and water - WHICH THERE WAS NONE. all of this should have been properly executed and set up before the vent was able happening. 

also no. no there was no 20,000 people.  im not even going to touch that. 

shane and every other ‘speaker’ advertised to be speaking at this shit show have EVERY right to be upset and bothered by this. they weren’t involved in the planning of this event but had to watch their fans get ripped off, get burned by the sun, heat exhaustion, etc etc. they have every right to be upset. to not be able to help these people in any way - it really puts them in a tough position. it’s taking advantage of these presenters and content creators as well - using their face and name as a means of promotion and not being able to deliver on that promise. 

there should have been adequate medical supports on site - dehydration and the fact that these people have been BURNED! heat exhaustion and heat stroke are incredibly real and deadly. this entire thing is a lawsuit waiting to fucking happen. 

i’d like to briefly touch on the ‘is there a shooter’ comment that i heard in one of these videos. shane even touches on how i feel exactly - michael and tana are so very fucking lucky that were WAS no shooting. with the increase in gun violence, the probability for that to occur was very high and without security and police assistance - there is nothing safe about the execution of this event. 

tana, thank you for being able to at least admit that you were a fucking idiot. i hope that it was a sincere admittance of fault. your planning of this event was completely out of spite for your distaste in vidcon and being banned. you did not properly do your research into who you were going to work with. EVEN SHANE TELLS YOU THAT! this was planned entirely as a revenge act with no thought for the fans coming to this event or the other content creators for this event. 

michael. lets address Good Times or whatever the fuck his company is called. 1) i had the hardest fucking time actually finding his damn website online. it was on the second page of google for me. i found a good times company in new zealand which mislead me for a moment into thinking that tana blindly trusted a company in new zealand to organize her event. 2) once i actually found this damn website. it is so poorly created with images that don’t contain watermarks and could have easily been snatched from other creators / brands.  even the brands listed on the bottom on his damn website: disney, coca cola, nike, universal, etc. these are huge fucking companies - global. uh some that have been around longer than michael has even been alive AND companies that handle their own branding or hire their own team / are very elite in their hiring process. michael provides no actual proof on his website that he’s worked with these companies. also not to mention the COUNTLESS videos that i’ve managed to find of clients of michael getting scammed and ripped off by him. 

michael is attempting to sue the marriott because he claims that they lied about capacity. no. im sorry.  when planning any event / convention / festival that requires use of a venue - there is - by law - a paper that dictates the maximum capacity of a certain space - PROVIDED AND SIGNED BY THE FIRE MARSHALL. there are also floor plans and maps outlining secure fire exits, etc. all of this information would have been readily available to him in the planning stages. he is either grasping at straws or is purely lazy and irresponsible - my guess is both. 

sponsorship! sponsorship! sponsorship! to minimize finances in planning an event - seek sponsorship. honestly had they planned this right...could have been a lot better. 

michael has no idea what he’s doing. he’s tripping over his words, he’s dodging questions. he’s lying through his teeth. michael you scam your clients. 

MICHAEL - AGAIN! CAUGHT IN A LIE!!! says that they gave him no capacity / lied about it but openly admits on camera that HE IGNORED CAPACITY TO MAKE MONEY! but tana!  she also knew the capacity and still ALLOWED him to ignore it. she supported it. 

okay so we know there were no free tickets and tana claims that she had no knowledge of this yet there was a snap video of her making some joke about being a scammer and then trying to brush it off as just being drunk? no she makes a point about michael saying that he’s a liar and wanting to say anything to cover his own ass but she is just as capable of doing the same thing. i believe both of them are in the wrong for various reasons - obviously michael for a much bigger and more crucial reason. especially his gross need for publicity. 

i don’t even have the mental capacity to understand. how the fuck do you fuck up this badly unless the entire thing was set to be doomed from the start. this is not how you execute something. there are LEGAL steps that are needed. proper contracts and permits with your venues, ensuring that you deal with the fire marshals to keep capacity and safety measures in check. NOT OVERSELLING YOUR FUCKING VENUE!!!!!! hiring adequate security and medical teams. branding, sponsorship. i’m 22 years old, i’ve been working in this industry since i was 15 years old on my own, learning from industry elders in my area and even learning more gaining a college education to hone my skills and learn more. i’ve managed artists and musicians, i’ve helped organize and run festivals and even smaller scale shows. it’s not impossible. the heart was not into this event, it was created clearly out of spite with people who had ill intentions with no understanding of what they were doing.

too much lying and bullshit. this just made me so annoyed and angry to see things executed so poorly and to see people get HURT here when all they wanted was a good weekend with their idols. 

and fuck. if michael can scam tana and the likes of bella thorne - send them here. i’ll fix it.