#again good to see my post is outside of aro circles tho

[arodabi]

You’re 21 and you live in an internet bubble. ~*No pronouns~*~ and ~*~don’t ship aro folks~*~

Please grow up. The world does not give a single shit. Find something useful to be militant in 2000 words about. Jesus.

Are you really aro/ace or do you just have social anxiety and body issues?

wow the cis are big mad i don't use pronouns, why does that even affect you?

also buddy, this is my Aro Blog, why do you think my whole personality and life is encapsulated in this blog? if someone runs an aesthetic blog do u send them shit like “uhgjngkidghj how DARE u care more about PRETTY PICTURES than the real life HORRORS OF THE WORLD!!!!!!” i mean I could talk about my hatred of the surveillance state we live in and how its sold to us as protection and ways to make our lives better but it actually just gives big companies a way to spy on us and squeeze as much data and money out of every single person as possible. I can talk about how much I hate pyramid schemes and how they prey on people in the middle of horrible life events in order to feed the downline. i could talk about how much I hate when people undervalue my skills because I work in digital mediums and therefore they think I don't have any skills and the computer does all the work. i could talk about so many more things I'm angry and passionate about, but uhhhhhhh i don't talk about that stuff here because this is my ARO BLOG

also uhhh idek what the FUCK you mean by me being “really aro/ace” what do u wanna hear, that I'm the one who orders for all my friends because they're nervous to do so themselves? that people find me annoying because i wont stop talking to random strangers? that i literally don't even care what my body looks like bc its my body and its doing what i need it to? i don't feel attraction towards anyone, that makes me really aro ace

maybe get your head out of your ass for once and lean that people are tree dimensional beings and that no matter what my life experiences are, if i say my identity, that is what i fucking am

[trickstarbrave]

I see some of my old posts abt this getting likes still so I did feel the need for whatever reason to post an update or rather restatement to my views on the topic

I know this is a horribly tired topic that was discoursed to hell and then left behind and for good reason so as a warning: ace discourse below

First and foremost I’m not in the business of telling ppl wholesale they don’t belong in the community. The vast majority of ace ppl are also other various lgbt identies and trying to “remove” people from the community is not a thing I’d ever advocate for nor have I really ever as far as I can remember. If I have in bad faith I would like to extend an apology bc I have bad memories problems and think those actions are wrong and harmful. If the consensus is ace ppl are lgbt then I’m not here to say everyone else is wrong and I’m the authority on lgbt identities. We are a coalition group, a mashing of communities w sometimes shared histories and experiences. Even if I think ace and aro ppl don’t have as many of those in common I don’t get to decide if they are or not. They are now and I’m more focused on making that work

Still though since it’s inception the ace community has not been a very healthy one. As at best a newer addition to the lgbt community being brought to light and given a label and community, the community has been toxic. Much of the foundational moments for identity were from the AVEN forums and a lot of harmful misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, and ableist things were said on their and supported. This kind of behavior has continued well into the community even today.

This is not a moral judgment on asexuals or aromamtics. I’m aromantic. I was also subjected to these things. I always felt alienated from the community. Even when trying to engage behavior was half the time welcoming and understanding and half the time felt very hostile. I point this out because again: many asexuals and aromantics are other lgbt identies and this rhetoric is very harmful. It’s alienating. It makes you feel guiltier at times. Furthermore at times the community pressured ppl who did not have absolutely any desire for sex in any capacity to be okay with it, as though they were on the same level as people who liked and enjoyed sexual acts removed from sexual attraction to people. Sometimes it encouraged harassing people for saying having sex was a vital part of relationships for them and they felt incompatable with someone who was repulsed by sex and didn’t feel abstaining for a hypothetical ace partner would be healthy for either of them. Even more alarming was qpp’s, really originating from the aro community, spreading and simply being a tool for a while in many circles to coerce people into relationships who otherwise wouldn’t be okay with polyamory or were underaged. I’ve seen so much harm and been subjecting to it that I did have to (and still want to but avoid it for stress reasons) point this out. Even more alarming was during the discourse era seeing big name ace bloggers with large underaged followings bring on self admitted pedophiles to their blogs, and refusing to apologize when said pedophile admitted to sexually harassing minors. Lies were spread to demonize lesbians especially, and to a degree gay men as well, including that we steal funding we don’t need

As well (currently) the lgbt community hasn’t had the best resources to provide a good environment for ace and aro issues, and the ace community has not made it a priority in many spheres to curate those spaces either. As an aro sexual abuse victim there were many times I didn’t want to see public displays of affection or hear abt sexuality of any kind at times (despite not being ace) and I knew asking for those to cease in lgbt spaces would be harmful and come across as bigoted. Lgbt spaces are places to express your comfort in your identity and your relationships in the way cishet ppl can whenever they want to in society. Seeking out spaces without that just meant retreating and being alone. A curated space for aro and ace ppl would have removed tension I know many people have had and still do experience by providing refuge for sex and romance repulsed ace and aro ppl

I felt more boundaries would be beneficial, as while trans people are no doubt a part of the lgbt community (regardless of how many trabsphobes say we don’t belong), trans specific areas and communities still exist. Trans spaces where trans experiences are centered are a priority. The ace community regardless needs better spaces for ace people besides social media and Internet forums. It needs structure and accountability. It needs to unlearn harmful practices and bigotry that have run rampant for their own members’ sake, not for the sake of outside people to see validity in it.

And for a while, people who were otherwise cisgendered, heteroromantic and asexual would speak out in lgbt spaces about trans and gay issues because this is the “same community”. Cis gay men have no authority on lesbian, bi, or trans issues. Cis lesbians have no authority on gay men’s, bi, or trans issues. Cis heterosexual trans ppl shouldn’t talk abt lgbp issues w authority. Cishet ace and aro ppl shouldn’t talk those either. A lot of the hostility and early discourse was abt that, about those bloggers who very quickly left the discussions and website entirely in some cases, speaking about issues that shouldn’t concern them. About homophobia and how it should be treated or tolerated, using slurs they had no right using, and more. Even more alienating was ppl saying a character was ace rather than gay, and when pointed out they could be both it resulted in backlash as trying to take away ace representation, and then real human survivors of sexual abuse who were dead were framed as ace icons and ace representation while framing their discussions of their reactions to sexual abuse as “the ace experience”. Lies spread that ace conversion therapy was a thing and that doctors were going to hold you down and feed you medicine to make you want to have sex, terrifying many young bloggers on this website who genuinely believed and lived in fear of this happening until they were told it was misinformation and lies.

(Yes you can be sexually assaulted for being ace, yes victims of sexual abuse can as a result ID as ace or aro, that’s not what I’m arguing against in case somehow someone finds a way )

But from the other side I’ve seen and spoken out against people who just said bigoted things. Claiming there were too many gender and sexuality identities. I think the split attraction model is limited to ace and aro ppl to explain our identities more coherently and misapplying it to others only servers in the end to stigmatize various sexualities, but this went beyond that. For many people “grey” and “demi” modifiers are useful. I’m grey aro. My romantic feelings are complicated and inconsistent enough I think it’s not average. Sure to a degree “anyone” could be demi or aro and many ppl in the ace community have misattributed those modified identities to ppl who didn’t even fully explore how they felt, but they are not worthless. I can count to you how many times I’ve felt genuine romantic attraction, and I do not fully understand the intricacies of romantic attraction, nor the differences at time between platonic feelings in practice. I was mocked for my identity several times and saw people with identities like mine mocked. This was not a discussion of it these identities were harmful like claiming disassociating during sex was a normal sexual identity. At worst they are unnecessary.

I’ve been always more invested abt having a better community for ace and aro ppl bc that’s what I ultimately wanted. No, they didn’t have the messy intertwined history of other lgbt identities but also they didn’t have to be. Lgbt or not there wasn’t a space for ace and aro ppl I thought was really healthy. It was either they existed there in a group with other people with their issues being talked about or not at all. Ace pride colors were based on the at times toxic forum website AVEN. The aro community was often overlooked by ace ppl or at times actively thrown under the bus.

And lies and misinformation was still spread. Pieces of history incoherently being co-opted and misappropriated to seem legitimate. And to top it all off ace and aro specific oppression was incoherently discussed to. How different forms of oppression work together and often feed into each other or take new shapes was ignored. Studies were extremely limited in scope, loaded, and mostly inconclusive. Facets of misogyny and even homophobia were framed as ace exclusive and unique experiences, and people lied about real life discrimination for being ace (usually these were young people like the 15 y/o who claimed to have two gay dads who kicked her out for being ace, so I won’t dwell on those as much. Tumblr has been a weird website). Discussions of race especially were riddled w terrible behavior from white ace bloggers who resorted to lying, shaming, and guilt tripping. All this only serves to fan the flames and drive a wedge between communities even tho inclusionists claimed it was all evil exclusionists doing while refusing to call out the misinformation and bigotry they often spread. There was no purpose in harassing bloggers of color, no purpose in terrifying children so they lived in fear of medical professionals and most ppl, and no excuse.

Hopefully moving on from this it will truly die away, but I hope people learn from it. This wasn’t just as some ppl frame it cis gay and lesbian bloggers starting a harassment campaign to try and kick aces out on a large scale. This was a messy discussion that was years brewing until it exploded in even more vitriol, misinformation, and rage. It became an opportunity to critique an (albeit in comparison young) community for harmful behavior that was going unchecked and lead to even further bigotry, misinformation, and alienation. And the bigotry and misinformation didn’t serve a purpose and little understanding of what ace and aro people needed besides information and education to the public, which was already taking place before this, was had. And ultimately I expected more from the community at large.

To ace and aro followers and readers: I’ve seen some ugly parts of the community but I don’t necessarily demand you answer for that behavior, unless you’re personally guilt of it. I don’t say this because I have a mission to prove you’re bad. I think the community is toxic, but it will ultimately not get better unless ppl who are dedicated to it are willing to help find what resources ppl need, provide it, and refuse to encourage or call out shitty behavior. And ultimately that will come from a place of love and desire to create an environment future generations will feel welcomed in. I just don’t want other ace and aro kids being lied to about what they’ll experience, subjected to homophobia and transphobia of many colors, and at times groomed by adults. And I don’t want it based around just social media where anyone can lie abt credentials and act like an expert to further any of those horrible goals, even unintentionally

[ios-alaska]

Rites of passage pt 2

Chips You had so much going for you at the merge that I don't find it crazy that you were picked up on as a threat. I wish that we would have been able to play together in to the end, but I guess choosing Randy as your first opponent was a mistake.

Colin Okay, like, honestly, no matter what happens in any game ever I think you’re a genuinely super nice person and I really enjoy talking to you!! Your vote off was really sad for me because we had just parted ways in circle too early and I wanted to get to know you more and work with you more. Sadly we were on opposite sides at the start of merge and it couldn’t happen. I’m really really sorry for how it all turned out but I hope we get to talk or play together again super soon!!

Heather My theatre man who happens to be in the same show I am in. Those I love Bryan confessionals were true and you don’t know how much I was debating flipping and joining you to work with you. When I was kidnapped, only you and Aro really talked to me and I feel you and me formed a bond. I wish things could have worked out a bit differently and we could have worked together. Did I ever mention I love Bryan? Well I do. 

Rob wanted to work with you too, but I heard about the thing with Kathy and Aro, then I saw how quick you were to dump Nick. I idoled out Bryce, and you were so upset and wanted me out bad to avenge Bryce. So naturally, I try to convince people that you needed to go.

Chips You are one heck of a fighter and your dedication to staying in the game was something that helped you greatly in swaying the people as well as something that made you remain a threat until you were voted out. It's a tough role.

Colin Fuck, I think your vote off was the hardest one of the season for me. Whenever we play a game together I know it’s gonna be wild, because we’re both messy as fuck deep down, and this game was no different. Your vote off was messy. We didn’t really work closely together but when we tried it was messy.  All of our conversations were messy. And I loved it. I’m not even ass kissing when I say that you are probably the most fun and wild person to play a game with.  

Heather Premerge, I have to admit, you and I didn’t really click and you weren’t the most active. However, post merge, until you left, I feel we worked together, and I tried and wanted to keep you. Sadly I was unsuccessful. I miss dancing as you in the lip sync challenge, twas fun.

Rob You’re so feisty, and that’s what I admire about you. You never gave up and kept on fighting. I felt that voting you out was necessary for my game.

Chips Honestly, from the moment we talked I felt that I really wanted to play with you and when you shared those photos of your cat with me and allowed me to share mine I knew we would have to work together. Your flip on Randy was a crazy time and then your immediate ousting as punishment was too soon!

Colin Whew! Speaking of messy! Hi queen! I don’t know what our dynamic was in this game. I thought we were gonna be ride or dies the entire time but that just… didn’t happen! Our past dynamics in games have been enemies, frenemies, friends, and everywhere in between on that spectrum. I fucking love it. You’re so unpredictable and fun. Also, I genuinely think you might be, like, the most strategically minded person I’ve ever met. I’m sure we’ll cross paths again, and I can’t wait!!

Heather You were by far the best player this season, and the hardest decision I made this entire game. I trusted you so much, and you (I think) trusted me and I felt absolutely terrible afterwards. You were the mastermind behind everything up until your untimely end. I had a feeling people saw us as a duo, which scared me. It would give everyone a motive at taking a shot at us. I also felt both of us were working for people you clicked with, not necessarily my choice and I had to start playing my game instead of yours. I loved playing with you this game, and I really hope you understand my decisions throughout the course of this game. I’ve missed our conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with the game and I can’t wait to talk to you again once this whole thing is done with. Robbed Queen.

Rob A queen! I love you so much and you have helped me out in this game and in my personal life. You are beautiful, amazing, and you already know how I feel about you. <3

Chips I knew from a very early stage in this game that I wanted to play with you. You were fun to talk to and were very knowledgeable about pretty much everything. I greatly enjoyed having discussions with you and loved that you were always able to help me piece together my ideas. You getting voted out with a super idol is a travesty, but at least you left the game with flair and not a simple vote out.

Colin Whewww this one is probably gonna be the hardest one for me to find what to say. We didn’t talk much, but in what little we did talk I think I’ve probably sensed more strategic outpour from you than a lot of other people in this game. You’re super smart and I really did truly wanna work with you just because I thought you were such a strong force! Even tho u did, like, start rumors about me and constantly kept up the side vs side thing. But it was working for you! Until… it didn’t. I’m really really sorry you left when you did, but honestly you had the potential to win it all. 

Heather You were a really cool dood you know, but you were playing hard, and really shady. I heard multiple different names through the grapevine, and every name came back at you. I was never really able to see who your true loyalties were, because felt you threw their names out aswell. If I didn’t get you out, I could see you winning the game. BTW Nutella maybe overrated, but when your lactose intolerant ass can't handle it all the time, its the best thing in the world when you do have it and force yourself to suffer.

Rob We had such a rocky relationship in this game. We worked together, then tried to get the other out (we both knew we were on the bottom), then we worked together again, then I hear you wanted me out. You’re really _cool_ though and it was pretty epic that you left because of a super idol.

 Chips I feel like our relationship in this game was one where we were on either side of a brick wall. I wanted to get to know you but knew that I would likely not be stepping forward into the game with you. At the end I tried speaking to you as a person and not a game player because I wanted you to know that I did care for you as a person and that the only true problem with us linking up was a game barrier and not a social one. It's a true shame we could not work together because your ability to dramatize situations gave me life.

Colin WHEW. Okay. Hello. Can I, like, start off by saying I am SO sorry lksjgskj. We were working so well together in this game! And I truly did love it! It was the first time ever we’ve been able to work that closely and I had to go and fuck it up huh. But I felt like I did what I truly thought I had to do to get farther in the game, maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn’t, we’ll never truly know tbh!! But anyway, I think you’re such a good, nice person and it really did feel so awful fighting against you and voting against you. I know you don’t take it personally but I’m gonna beg and plead and tell you again that it was nothing personal!! I think you’re amazing!!

Heather  I had a good feeling about you since the beginning of the game when we were making small talk about snow. Throughout the game, we always seemed to be on the same page as of who to get out, or at least I followed what you said in the beginning. You then became my ride or die. I felt like in order to protect me, I had to protect you too, because otherwise I would be alone. You played a great game, you robbed king you. I’m sorry I couldn’t help with your death in this game as I really wish I could have. 

Rob You were pretty scary in this game. People liked you socially, and you were able to win challenges. Plus, you were aligned with Heather and the two of you were threatening.  Generally speaking, you’re a _chill_ guy and best of luck trying to be a teacher.

Chips  I honestly love your memes and your style of shouting things. I never know when you're going to pop off and always looked forward to speaking with you. I am glad I was able to play with you for so long as I wasn't sure if you'd go the route of the inactive early on in the game. You are a fantastic person, continue to be great.

Colin Can we just say….. meme QUEEN? meme LEGEND perhaps? God, you’re an icon. We, like, barely spoke, despite both of us making final 5 and voting together a couple rounds, but I think that was your whole thing. memeing instead of strategizing. Which, in a way, is strategizing? I guess? But anyway you are fucking hilarious and it was so fun to play with you. I wish you were a bit more active throughout just because I really did love talking to you, but you played how you wanted to and I respect that!!

Heather Memelord. You were so spunky, outgoing, and an all around beautiful soul. However I feel you were inactive a lot in the game and I never got to see how you really played the game. I hope me idoling you out didn’t hurt you at all as you weren’t my true target. You will be mist and I wish you the best of luck in jury and can’t wait to get to know you outside the game.

Rob Kathy! You are so nICE and really funny. I’m glad that you had fun in disney and that we were able to work together for a while. The burgers are NOT big in Texas btw not everything is bigger in Texas