#again generally speaking blahblahblah

[stregajulia]

Why I don't have friends?

pile 1 - pile 2 - pile 3

DISCLAIMER.These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purposes.

How to pick a pile. When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise!

Pile 1

Hello, little Cherub! When we start reading, we already have a clear answer: the reason why you have few friends is related to judgements, prejudices and realities that you believe to be absolute. For you, the world can be cruel, with petty, prejudiced and manipulative people. That's how you've seen the world until today, with these types of people always ready to take you down at any moment.

It is important to remember that, although there are reasons, this does not mean that the result will always be negative. If you have a closed mind and are very judgmental of others, this may be a reflection of past experiences, such as being bullied. Right? No. In the end you are also being like the people you judge so much. You always feel overwatched… overwatching others. The insights indicate that these perceptions may have been with you since childhood, creating a reality that you believe to be immutable, "all my friendships were like this, so all friendships ARE like this" and because of this, you close yourself off.

You also drink too much of the social media water, so you see gratuitous hate everywhere. You see that no matter what you are, it seems like the world hates you, too fat, too thin, you are a man, you are a woman, you have criticism and more criticism of who you are from strangers on the internet and you conclude again "the world is a trash". Do you want to make new friends? Absolutely! But you're soo scared of these"trash", right?

But the message is clear: this situation is not permanent. Just because you have few friends now doesn't mean it will be that way forever. The advice here is to be more authentic, open yourself to new experiences,. Start opening up to things you like! Cinema, food, dancing, things that you refuse to do because you think they are not for you. HOWEVER, don't feel like you're going to run amok like an addict going to all the bars and places that YOU KNOW are wrong! It's not about doing a 180º and saying that now you're going to be a "rebel", because you're going to MAKE A MISTAKE! Go to places that you can tell everyone and not being asshamed of.

Now, avoid the despair of accepting anyone just to avoid being alone. You will, unfortunately, first attract treacherous people and if you accept them on your path, you will return to the cycle of "the world sucks, people are mean and blahblahblah"…. You will meet them, but remember our good and old "nope". Use your judgment and avoid extreme changes in behavior without adequate planning. You're smart girl, stop acting stupid.

Pile 2

Hello little Cherub! Let's start by understanding why you have few friends. It's possible that this is due to significant changes you've recently faced, such as changing jobs, schools, cities, or even countries. These changes will naturally affected your social circle, right? In some cases, it's just a matter of appearance, major weight loss, an afro hairstyle, or even incurable diseases that change anyone's routine.

You may be finding it difficult to integrate into new social circles. It seems like every time you approach a new group, there's a big bubble that needs to be burst… you all speak the same language but why so diffent??? It's common to feel like your experiences and interests are different, which can make interacting and creating new friendships difficult.

Additionally, there may be personal resistance to making an effort to fit into new groups. You may question whether it is worth the effort to integrate and what the benefit would be. This lack of motivation can result in a more reserved or distant attitude, which can alienate potential new friendships. You want to go back to what you had before, your old friendships…

To overcome this, it's important to recognize that it's not necessary to form large social circles right away. Start small by establishing one-on-one connections, like a friend at work, school, college, or the gym. This can help build trust and facilitate deeper interactions in the future. Being social is healthy and necessary.

Now I need to give you an earful because you are behaving childishly on your behalf too. You know that child shouting "I don't want it" in the supermarket……….. it's you. Also, you're showing yourself like "I know that it's different but it's okay" or "fuck, I hate this"? You close yourself off so much in your reality that it's difficult to enter and understand the reality of others, so they throw a spaghetti party, they don't invite you because every day you say that you hate pasta, and then you find out that there was this spaghetti party and now you're super upset that you wasn't invited…

Avoid behaviors that can alienate people, such as being overly reserved or showing a lack of interest in social activities. Stay open to new experiences and encounters, even if they may initially seem uncomfortable. Openness can open doors to new friendships and a more diverse and enriching social circle.

Pile 3

Hello, little Cherub. Let's start reading by exploring the central question: why do you have few friends these days? It seems like you believe it is due to studies. You've dedicated a lot of time to this, whether on your own or because you're in college. This is your initial perception.

However, as we read deeper, we see that the true reason may be different. It appears that your romantic relationship has played a significant role in limiting your friendships. In this pile I'm not talking about marriage, but a long-term relationship. This relationship has taken up a large part of your time and energy, which ends up restricting your socialization opportunities.

Maybe you and your partner spend so much time together that there's no room for other friendships. As if you had to save all the energy you had left that week to spend time with them. And there may be issues of jealousy, both on your part and his, that make it difficult to get close to other people.

Do you want to have new friendships? Of course. You've always valued having friends around, and you've never been a lonely person. You always had several friends, someone to talk to and share moments with. However, now it seems like your partner is the only person you spend your time with, and that's something you've never done before.

The reading suggests that you have an upright and idealistic personality. Even when you saw wrong things, you did not allow yourself to be influenced by them. But you may now be falling into the trap of not realizing that you are also doing something wrong, like isolating yourself socially because of your relationship, or some really toxic shit, you know what I am talking about. Furthermore, you have this need to show yourself as someone "clean", without mistakes, always with the best and you know, even if unconsciously, that you are "dirty" and feel incapable of getting involved with people other than your boyfriend

The advice here is for you to have a clearer view of your current situation. Reflect on your relationship. Is it stopping you from living fully? Are fights and jealousy taking a heavy toll? Ask yourself where this insecurity comes from. Is it just a matter of jealousy or is there something deeper going on?

It's important to look at what's hidden, the things you might be pretending not to see. If you feel like you always need to appear perfect in the eyes of others, this may be stopping you from opening up to new friendships. No one is judging your character, but if you feel like you need to maintain a facade, this can be a significant barrier.

The final piece of advice is to examine your relationship honestly. Is it working for you? Does it need to be tweaked or maybe even finished? This is an answer you must find on your own. After this reflection, you will be in a better position to decide how to proceed.

That was the reading for you. Good luck and stay well.

(CC) Stupid Cupid Tarot Some Rights Reserved

[kharmii]

So I got the idea to actually calculate the global human population myself, city by city, and guess what.

It’s not even 3 billion.

Not even CLOSE.

There are NOT 7 billion people on the planet. You can count yourself. The overpopulation hoax is the foundation of the globalist terror regime.

Whether it's three or seven billion, the global population doesn't matter. Overpopulation is a regional problem. There are starving children with distended bellies running around in Africa and India, and yet I suspect those places aren't handing out free birth control and running article after article about how "Cats are Better Than Babies".

The globalist terror regime is focusing that on first world nations while flooding every good place to live with problem people. Here in the US, every country south of us is clearing out their prisons and mental hospitals then sending them right up to us in large caravans of tens and hundreds of thousands of people. It's white privilege to have a job with a living wage, medical benefits, etc. We need to let everybody in so large corporations don't have to send their companies to China. The whole planet should be one huge sweat shop.

Speaking of white privilege, I have an OT beef. A few days ago, a fourteen-year-old student at Apalachee High School named Colt Gray brought a semi-automatic weapon to school and shot a bunch of people before being detained by police. According to the wiki, the school is in a town that's 58% white where half the students are economically disadvantaged. Colt Gray was one of these students. His mom was a low life drug addict who was arrested for "domestic violence, drug possession, property damage and various traffic violations, including driving under the influence charges. She also faced civil fraud charges over the purchase of a used vehicle and was locked up in Ben Hill County as recently as April."

Colt Gray ended up a Kamala Harris supporting trannie who was probably bullied at school on top of having a dysfunctional family. They tried to wipe his online presence, but it's being passed around.

It looks like he lived with his dad who was also abusive, and now the dad is being arrested for giving the shooter the weapon he used as a Christmas present last year. This is the second time I've heard of this happening. The first time is when the parents of school shooter Ethan Crumbley were charged with manslaughter in April 2024 because they supposedly also supplied the weapon used.

Now I can see why people would think this was appropriate. Terrible parents who raise a kid wrong should be held accountable for setting a monster loose in the community, and yet this only seems to be a white issue. I've yet to see a black parent be held responsible for her child's actions. Black people have an 80% out-of-wedlock birth rate and fatherless household rate. They make up 13% of the population but commit 90% of gun crimes, 90% of adolescent gun crimes and most of the mass shootings. The news only focuses on the rare white person committing a mass shooting and acts like it's an epidemic, even though black people are shooting up every major city every day of the year.

You aren't even supposed to question this. Black people problems are the result of white privilege and 'them evil colonialists who brought crop rotation and modern medicine to the third world' blahblahblah. Black people who aren't qualified to run a hotdog stand at a little league game are supposed to be able to lecture white people endlessly, and yet we aren't allowed to say, *lifts finger* uh um.....maybe if you waited until you were married to pop out babies, then maybe your atrocious crime rate would go down. Srsly, we're dealing with the problems of people in generational poverty who have like a 10% literacy rate, and the media keeps beating it into our heads that all the problems of the world are caused by white people, and it's only white people who need to have fckn dogs-cats-rats-smelly horses instead of babies.

Another meme they're always pushing in the media is that 'right wing extremism is the biggest domestic terror threat' and that all mass shooters are right wing (laughably ridiculous). Then when a radicalized Marxist trannie like Audrey Hale shoots up a white Christian school, it takes literal years for the authorities to release the manifesto. It's supposedly a danger to the public. When we finally get to read it, it's nothing but the ramblings of a mentally ill radicalized Marxist who complains over and over that nobody loves them, and that's why they have to kill a bunch of white Christian kids because the media beat it into their deranged mind that white Christians are the cause of all their problems.

[justrandomfandomstm]

I think I havent done an actual introduction post so here we go

Hello unlucky onlookers!

I am a writer here to feed my brain rot and occasionally post about my actual writings and ff as well as just ships I adore and things I read and vent and well, hang around, lazy about, blahblahblah

FANDOMS I HAVE/WILL POST ABOUT: Marauders, Percy Jackson, Stranger Things, F1, Merlin, Young Royals, Awae, AFTG, 9-1-1, Klance, TSOA, Étoile

Find me on Ao3 here for some fics but most will be posted first here as well as some one shots, fluff and just in general, more stuff might be here.

MORE ABOUT ME

I'm Latin and speak spanish and english fluently, bit of french and asl. I am Aroace agender, I L O V E music to an unhealthy point. Im disabled, I have two dogs but want a cat. I was a high intensity athlete before the chronic pain kicked in (so I got REAL good athlete au's), I studied film and quit uni (in it again) while I work full time, I ramble. A lot. Like a lot. As you can see...

So thats all you have to know about me and CONGRATS you know more about me that most!!

I love questions, especially about my work. If you have prompts or have one shot ideas Im always open for more! I'm always open for new mutuals and, yeah, thats about it!

Have fun on my page and good night!

Little disclosiour

Vent posts are also very common here, mostly about said disabilities and just my depression in general, some dark thoughts that can be triggering can be found so if your not comfortable with that then this may not be the page for you and thats completely fine. My mind can go to darker places sometimes so please take with caution most of my writings and posts. It's not *dark* dark but take it with a grain of salt?

Anyways, thanks for stopping by and have a great day!

[queenofbaws]

okay i'm going to ask 4 KNOWING the answer to it but i am asking a specific question that ties into 4. just. fyi. SO. hawke/varric. delightful. i love everything you write. do you have your own hawke or do you just write generic marian hawke AND IF YOU DO, please tell me about her thank you <3

dklfjgsdklfgj quill you're KILLIN ME!!! you are TOO KIND!!! hearing that the hawke/varric queen enjoys my hawke/varric content is enough to bring a tear to my eye :')

for the most part, when i do write hawke, i tryyyyyyyy to keep stuff mostly vague enough that anyone reading can plunk their hawke right on into it. "try," of course, being the operative word, ha! but. i DO have my own hawke!!! the thing is, i just...keep...all my da characters' names the defaults because GOD HELP ME I'M BAD AT NAMES!!! so my hawke is marian, yeah, but she's my marian, if that makes sense ;P she looks a BIT like default hawke, i suppose, in that she's got black hair and blue eyes and she's pale, but like. it's long black hair. and her face is rounder. and...

and this is going to be long.

i am so sorry.

i love my hawke so much.

writing asks!!!

every so often i get it into my head that one of these days i'm going to write a whole big thing about her story, but then i get in my own head and talk myself out of it BLAHBLAHBLAH ANYWAY. she's a dual-wielding purple rogue with the shadow specialization, and she's a pain in everyone's ass. she signed on with athenril when she got to kirkwall, and sorry bioware, but she ended up meeting varric fairly shortly after because you want me to believe - again, this is a callout to bioware - you want me to believe that some new hotshot troublemaker pops up in the underground and it takes varric fucking tethras a year to hear about them??? i think not.

the moment - the moment - athenril's contract is up hawke dips. she'd liked athenril ENOUGH, but all of a sudden here's this SMOOTH TALKING DWARF who can match her joke for joke and drink for drink, and the first time she goes "tell them who we are" or "oh maker, they haven't heard of us. can you BELIEVE they haven't HEARD of us???" on a job and varric just PICKS UP AND IMPROVS??? oh, there's no going back!

this should probably go without saying since it's ME we're talking about, but yes this leads to them being utterly in love, again, thanks bioware but i'll take it from here. there are ups and down here. the ghost of bianca is a real issue from time to time. anders threatening to drown them in blood to keep hawke safe also causes some bumps. but it's fine, don't worry, THEY'RE GOOD.

i am beginning to fall prey to my own obvious desire to write 300,000 words about my hawke. i am trying so haRD NOT TO DO THAT. but i ALSO don't just want to bullet point shit so sdklfjaskdfj the writer's conundrum.

in terms of the team, her closest friends are varric, anders and isabela, and really i think that combination of usual teammates speaks a bit for itself, lmao. there is no one - NO ONE!!!!! - on the team that she hates or doesn't like, per se, but she tends to butt heads with aveline and sebastian the most. aveline for obvious reasons, what with the whole being a professional criminal thing, and sebastian because HOO BOY THIS GIRL ISN'T THE CHANTRY'S (or the maker's, honestly) BIGGEST FAN!!

in terms of the hawke family, she's...a mess. it's a real all-that-remains situation in that, uh, she's...all that remains. because i am who i am as a person, most of the family dynamic is very heavily sort of...steeped in guilt, honestly. partly because i just lavish in the angst of it all, partly because i like playing her family history off of varric's, partly still because i just enjoy the whole idea of da2 being these people who come together to BE a family, idk.

but she feels a LOT of guilt and responsibility for being the one sort of left in charge after malcolm's passing, which leads to more guilt when she can't protect carver from What Happens, turning to even more guilt when she takes bethany into the deep roads because she wanted to go SO BADLY (but didn't take anders because he very much DID NOT want to go), and it just becomes this spiral where her relationship with leandra is a never-ending chasm of the blame game...and then more guilt when quentin enters the picture, lmao.

this is all stuff, btw, that is locked away tight, tight, tight in her chest; stuff no one ever gets to see because hawke is the funny one! the smiley one! the one who always has a joke ready! she can't be bothered by ANYTHING, she's FINE!!! (she's not) everything will be FINE!!! (it won't) she can handle this!!!! (she can't)

she has a strange relationship with viscount dumar in that she's not his biggest fan but enjoys the notoriety (read: $$$) that comes along with doing jobs for him. she's very intrigued by the arishok until She Very Suddenly Isn't. she very obviously sides with the mages, she very much is not a fan of cullen (after spending most of her life idolizing malcolm and trying to protect bethany, he gets about 3 words into the "mages aren't people like you or me" speech before the kill bill sirens start going off) or meredith and do not get her STARTED on elthina. she never really gets to make up her mind about orsino, but them's the breaks.

cannot stress this enough: she is. so fine. with what happens. at the end of act 3. she is so. fucking. fine with it. and the fact bioware didn't give us the option for hawke TO be fine with it. exhausts me to no end. she's so totally on board with what happens. she agrees with anders. she'd throw him a pizza party if she could. ice cream cake. the works.

after act 3 tho (and obviously all the angst the sudden departure from kirkwall and varric brings with it) she goes off with anders, mostly to ensure he doesn't get himself killed in the ensuing fallout. they end up hiding out amongst the avvar because god help me i love the avvar and their handling of mages. but the second she gets word from varric that shit's whack, she's at skyhold as quick as humanly possible, lmao.

this is already so many words so i'm just. i'm just gonna stop. but. yeah. that's...that's my hawke. default first name on the screen, original character in my heart.

if you got past the first para honestly, ty for reading XD

[glittergutts]

4 AM brain spew

Everytime I should be sleeping.

But again I'm not so whatever all night internet it is. I already did my skin care and I got fancy lotion socks on that feel like gel. I like smelling nice it makes me feel good.

I got some random makeup/skin care from ipsy and they sent me a free nice hair brush on accident. I'm not sure how to send it back so I guess I have a new brush for my hair. Its round and I never used one before, should be interesting.

Speaking of feel good things I put the wrong DOB when I signed up for sephora beauty insider points (I don't know what happened. ) so I should get another free thing for my "birthday" once I place an order and that's exciting. I'm also going to try my best to paint my nails tomorrow.

I have a few dishes and other chores to do before I can paint my nails without risk of fuckingthem up. Usually a day after no sleep isnt very productive but hey maybe tomorrow will be different.

I'm super stressed I'll never catch up on laundry or get the house clean before my husband gets a new hip. Its getting close and I really wish I could stop worrying. Surgery is so freaky and with covid I'm not sure they will let me stay the night with him. I really would feel better if I knew for sure. Not knowing what to expect makes me want to cry but hip replacement is generally safe and my mans young blahblahblah I just need to pray some more or something, hes going to feel so much better. And god bless it everything will be fine!

I'm looking forward to him being in less pain and life going slightly more normal than its been for months. A piece of me wishes there was a surgery to fix my body but no it just hates me mostly no matter how I treat it.

Regarding how I treat myself, I decided to seriously cut back on alcohol. Not completely, but like once a week maybe or just special occasions. I stopped nicotine cold Turkey August 4th but this feels harder. Im just like, "damn here we go giving up another enjoyable thing!" But the cost of my health and pocket would deffo approve of reduction in alcohol. I want to be like a one drink light weight not drinking multiple mixed drinks a night. For so long I don't really remember when I started regularly drinking but it's a problem on both sides of my family so better to stop before I feel like I cant.

I have a rainbow cave for my fish tank coming in the mail soon because I had a coupon. I love mail. I think it's the last bit I really felt like I needed for my fishysquish. Itll be exciting to clean and redecorate the two tanks. Itll also probably be fucking gross like old wet dishes but I love them so I'll be brave and grit through sensory hell for my little guy. Hes so happy he started a bubble nest because he wants to mate.

I wish any pet store near me sold live brine shrimp. I can only find frozen but I might just do it because its better for their health. Just worry about wasting money on something they won't eat. Percy hardly eats it seems or prizmo could just eat everything I'm not sure.

The bubble noises of the tank is so soothing like rain down the gutters. It really makes me long for summer I need the sunshine and a swim.

Ok end brain spew for now...

[wigglebox]

as a samwitch shipper my only issue was that it seemed like we were being told our interpretation was complete fanon and not valid. i havent seen any hate but people saying that rowena is a mother/aunt figure to sam Really rubbed me the wrong way. also yeah, the episode count and development really does come into play for me. i love eileen tho! if saileen is endgame i hope we get a lot of development between them over the course of the season id Love to see her character explored more

Hello! Sorry for the delay (had to finish a fic!)

So this came almost right after another ask that I responded to. I don’t know if you read all the way through it, but I did highlight how much I loved Rowena and what my vision for her was, which did not include mother or aunt of anything. 

I can only ever speak for myself, but I hope I never came across saying that. To me, fanon means something that’s more like a headcanon that almost everyone on that area of fandom accepts but isn’t really established or true in canon (Cas with black wings blahblahblah). 

To me, Sam/Rowena did have something established and it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility to fully canonize it this season should they just kind of turn things in a slightly different direction. Therefore, I do not agree with the fanon vs canon thing. I don’t believe it’s fanon. I haven’t seen too many people insinuating that, so I’m sorry if you’re seeing that on your dash. I highly recommend blacklisting them or unfollowing them.

This really boils down to our own nuances, what canon means to us personally vs the show, and understanding different points of view. 

Invaliding one or the other just because you don’t like it doesn’t really fly. This isn’t like we’re trying to invalidate Winc*est. Both of these women play an important role in Sam’s life and are strong characters all on their own. 

Annoyingly, what this is boiling down to, is a ship spat (won’t call it a war). It’s annoying because people are starting to invalidate the female characters as strong characters on their own and make it about: Episode count, interactions, who ‘deserves’ it. That’s not fair to Sam, Eileen, or Rowena. 

And in terms of episode count, it matters to you, but it doesn’t matter to others. So if it works for you, then that’s great! You have your established rules and what pushes your interests in the show. 

People like me don’t necessarily care about episode count, so long as the limited episodes have things of value. I wrote this thing a few days ago, and then @bluestar86 wrote this lovely post yesterday regarding episodes. It’s not to convince you really that Sam/Eileen are endgame and are better than Sam/Rowena, but to show you what some of us saw in those limited episodes and why it was enough for us.

I’ve seen many reasons on why people aren’t digging Sam/Eileen, or just aren’t digging them anymore, and I can’t touch on all of them. I just wish we can just get back to enjoying the dang show. 

And likewise, Anon, if Rowena came back and she and Sam wound up together in the end in whatever way, I would be over the moon. 

But all this passive-aggressiveness, spit fest is becoming annoying. And again, I implore you if you’re seeing Rowena hate or Sam/Rowena hate on your dash, unfollow those people and blacklist them. 

*ETA: I also feel like this is starting to become a generalization game. “All Saileen shippers this, all Samwena shippers that”. Which isn’t how we should go about things at all. It’s just not worth it.

[painandpleasure86]

I can’t live with you (but I can’t live without you) - JohnicaWeek 2020

Author’s note: This idea born in my mind since Rachel announced this special week. My real life inspo were my own parents, married since 1991 (I born in 1992). Here I portray this couple as I imagine, based in real life experience having a 67 yrs old dad and in things that I read about this couple. This will be the most realistic posible representation of them that I could write. Don’t hate me if isn’t all cuteness here, life it’s good but also bad things :/ Also sorry if it’s too cheesy! I don’t like make suffer to my characters a lot lol.

Art by @imflashqueen (instagram). She drew the second piece inspired in my story! She was my beta indeed :3 Thank you for give me some feedback! Ah, and the first one was an old collab that we did in last November!

Plus, i’m doing this just for mere entertainment ;) I just love participate in this kind of events to meet new people, practicing my skills and have fun!

Summary: The anniversary date it’s here! How will they react about this?

Pairing: Current John and Ronnie :)

Warnings: Angst, some humor, some swearing, some fluff too. Mention of death.

Word count: 2139 words, perhaps my longest fic. If not, the second one.

Prompt used: Anniversary Day

First part

January 11th. Just like another weekend, another morning. He left very early his bed, trying to not wake up her. He wants some quientness to drink his tea. He wants to forget for a moment everything. Ever that next Saturday will be 18th. Just like in 1975. A cold Saturday in that catholic church, where Freddie made a particular entrance. Remembering that made him smile, but then was so upset, because Fred were ruining the strict ceremony. 

“I’ll always love you bud. Cheers for you” he said rising his almost empty cup of tea watching the sky through the windom and finishing his tea. 

His eyes were shining. His smile, wide. Until…

“Morning, no?” she said near to him.

He jumpscared a bit.

“God Ron! You know that I have heart problems…” he exaggerated putting his left hand in his chest.

She laughed.

“Exaggerated as always…” she added.

“Morning, yeah!?” he said finally, letting the empty cup of tea in the nearest table.

She started to prepare her breakfast. 

“Who you were talking?”

Lighting a cigarette, he said “I… just remembered something Ron.” He aspired the smoke deeply. Now the cigarette are between his index and his middle finger of his right hand. 

“Something happy”. Let go to the smoke through his nose.

Her eyes focused in him and smiling widely.

“I just remembered when Freddie entered to the church with that two girls in our wedding.” He aspired the smoke again. “Hahahaha… he couldn’t did it in another way!”

Her face turned so quickly in an deceptioned expression.

“oh… that, haha.” she said meanwhile she was preparing her tea.

Letting go the smoke but now from his mouth, he smiled mischievously. He did it again.

---------------------------------------------------

In the afternoon of that Saturday, the couple received a video call of their youngest offspring.

“Hiiiiii dad!! Hiiii mom!!!” he said with his habitual happiness, smiling widely.

Both parents greeted to their son.

The young continued talking.

“How you feel knowing that next Sat will be your anniversary?”

Ronnie smiled widely. “FINE!!”

But he stared at the camera and rolled his eyes, sighing. “Another year” he said kinda melancholic.

His son and his wife watched at him.

“Huh? I was honest.” But really he wasn’t real honest…

Trying to change the mood, Cameron added with a smile “Well, the fans are more excited for that than you, and you’re the one that’s married with that lady” winking an eye to his mom.

Being visible upset, the old man said: “That fans, ha! Try to be married at least 5 years and have 3 children in the meantime and after they can say if they’re happy with that life! I have enough of that fans speaking about me like the cute one, the good dad! I wasn’t one all the time for fucking god's sake!”. He raised of his chair and slammed the door of the room.

“Another time with that rant about the fans…” she said sighing and watching at her child.

“Well, let’s speak about you then mom. You have plans to the anniversary?” he said trying to make smile to the 69 years old woman.

She said “yeah. I reserved a table in Nobu for that day” and smiled shyly.

“MOOOOOOM, that restaurant it’s so famous. Every famous people will can see you with Dad there” almost shout the young man.

“It’s my intention, son.” and she smiled kinda mischievously.

-------------------------------

Second part

Another 18th came finally. Another year. Another cold winter day. Another time where he remembered why he did that.

He opened his eyes that morning earlier than usual. He watched at his side. She was snoring softly. 

Finally he decided take his morning tea. Putting his robe and his winter flip-flops, go to the kitchen. He’s trying to not make any noise. More than ever, this morning needs that Ronnie don’t wake up at the same time than him. More than ever wants some silence and time with himself.

In the kitchen, he puts to boil some water to his tea. Meanwhile, he smokes a cigarette watching at outside through the window, still dark.

“45 damn years today. For good or bad... “ he sigh deeply meanwhile he was thinking. “Sometimes I ask myself why I did that. Sometimes I wanted to get away from this life, but for some reason i’m still here. Perhaps i’m tired of trying? I don’t know.” He aspired the smoke and let it go in a deep exhalation. “The only certainty it’s that I decided 45 years ago that beautiful slim prego lady, now an old woman, be my wife. Her…” and his thoughts were interrupted for the sound of the boiling water. “For fucking god’s sake…” he mumbled, while he turned off the fire. He prepared the tea and go to his “office” to check the internet. “Let’s see what the people say about me today… Wait. It’s early… Don’t care. I’ll be with this all day long if it’s necessary. This will be more fun than always.”

He sat at his desk with his computer, with his tea in one side. Meanwhile the PC was initializing, he was with a lot of expectative.

He sips his tea and opened the navigator. Typed the right search in the search bar. “Gosh, a lot of thing already. That people really loves me being with her”, he whispered. Clicks in the first result. And he started to laugh. “Happy 45th anniversary blahblahblah, his marriage its the proof that the love always wins” he said reading the text on that post in a social network. “Little person, it’s just the proof that I prefer be with her for a reason. Well... Six reasons. Hahahaha” he “responded”. 

Another post. That one, a drawing. “Oh okay, I look cute with her, goooootcha” he said  with a pinch of sarcasm. 

A fic. In this he stopped to read it entirely. He almost ended his tea meanwhile. And his laugh was harder. “These little girls haves a lot of imagination. Gosh, why I’m almost always the good boy in this things? Hahahahaha”

And another, and another, and another… He passed a lot of his morning there, having fun or merely entertain himself with the posts of the fandom. More than always.

Ronnie wake up. And her husband isn’t there with her. “John… at least today…” she though resigned meanwhile she puts her robe and his flip-flops.

When she was about to down the stairs, she listened a loud laugh. “He’s in the studio”.

She knocked the door. 

And he sighed. “why Ronnie?” he though. But he said “come in!”, still laughing.

“Morning Ronnie!” he said as any morning. But that one wasn't like any morning. Was the morning.

She stared at him, after close the door behind her. 

“Just that?”

He rolled his eyes, sighing.

“Happy anniversary Ronnie!” and he smiled quite exaggerated. “Come here”.

She was with mixed thoughts and kinda hysterical, but she approached him. She after a few steps was at his side. He hugged her, still in that comfy chair, with funny face. She couldn’t resist to hug him too, caressing his almost bald head. “Sometimes I hate your behavior John” though Ronnie. “But anyways i think that I still like to be with you, haha”, continued in her mind, quite smiling.

He, moving his face to leave that embrace, said “Well honey, I told it. I was cute no? hahaha. Stay with me and have fun with me reading that things that under 30-years-old girls write and draw about us”.

She stepped away from him.

“John, that people are just being kind with you. A lot of people recognize you now. A whole new generation. And they’re educated greeting us for the anniversary”, she said watching at him.

He laughed. Turning his chair in her direction, he continued talking. 

“Ron, that people thinks that marriage its easy, plus having 6 SIX kids to raise! Isn’t nice, it’s hard! And super stressful!”

Her face showed her nuisance.

“Ha, really you say that? You always recording or touring or in an endless holidays. I raised OUR kids ALONE a lot of time!”

He sighed so deeply. He started to need another cigarette. Now his arms are crossed.

“Really this again? Honey, stop. We fixed that already. Now i’m more at home with you and I helped a lot raising to our youngest kids”

Without thinking in the repercussion of her words, she said “Yeah, just because Freddie died before the birth of our youngest ones” and she half turned to her left, arms crossed.

He was without words. Was like a dagger in his heart. He didn’t knew how to react. A lot of mixed feelings. His hands in his face, he reclined his head.

“Veronica, get out.”

She, watching the results of her impulse, tried to fix that situation… in vain.

“But John, it wasn’t m-”

“GET. OUT.” His words were like a sharp.

She left the room, almost crying. “Well I’ll change my clothes meanwhile… and ill make my breakfast” she though in the meanwhile.

--------------------

That old wound was opened. he remembered that words about getting older together writing songs. he remembered how Freddie cheered him up to write songs, how he said once “shhhh John it’s creating”. He remembered noticed that scars. And knowing that his friend would die sooner than everyone expected. “He had a lot to give… We lost a lot of moments together for that damn disease. He was my real fuel to composing, and when he gone, my interest faded away. I just wanted to survive…” he started to think. He raise of his chair and took an old whiskey that he had over there, serve a glass of it and drank it of one sip. He lighted that necessary cigarette, now watching at the window, immersed in memories, in things that happened… He cried.

In audible voice, he said

“Fuck you Ronnie. Why you said that? Why you opened that wound again?” He sighed deeply, putting the cigarette in his mouth and aspiring the smoke. “I can’t live with you, but I can’t live without you, sadly.” Exhaled the smoke for his mouth. “Why I couldn’t leave you? I’m a masochistic? I love a lot to my offspring? In the very deep inside, I still love you? I don’t know really…” Aspired the smoke of the cigarette again, the last one. The cigarette its too short now. Throwing the cigarette to the floor, he stepped on it, turning it off. Exhaling the smoke, he continued. “You are my life, despite all the events. I give you my life. My love. My “freedom”. I married with you just having 23 years old. I REALLY loved you. Now?” He sighs deeply. “I don’t know. I just know that I don’t hate you”.

He didn’t knew that those words were listened for her, she opened silently the door minutes ago to apologize her  for her words and she stared there, listening.

“John…” she said with tears in her eyes.

He turned his face enough to show her that he noticed her presence, smiling. She entered to the room running. She hugged him. “Sorry John. I- I was impulsive”.

Now watching at the window again, he said “nothing to sorry. It’s okay” and he placed his left hand over her hand that was hugging him from the back. He take that hand and kissed it. He turned to her and hugged her tightly.

“You should knocked that door first, he said, leaving the embrace.

“well, I-” started to say Ronnie, kinda scared.

“hahahaha! Relax! Now come with me and read that things that the people say about us” he said going to sit to his chair again.

“No John.” she said, shaking his head.

“Uh Ron, you’re booooooring! hahahah”

“That aren’t plans for an anniversary” she said, getting closer to him.

Watching at her eyes, he said “and go for a dinner today? We don’t usually go to dinner and you want TODAY? Oh, and I just hope that you didn’t asked to the Father of the parish  to office a Mass for our anniversary! I’ll not go to the church today, and nevermore!” 

She stared in silence, incapable to react. Her plans are discovered.

He watched at her, smiling mischievously. “Ha, Mrs you’re so predictable…” he thought.

She, trying to cover her real intentions, responded “Eeeeeh, no. I didn’t do that! You know me John, hehe… I’ll just cook a special meal.”

“No Ron. I’ll do that, and I promise, will not be cheese on toast” he replied smiling lightning another cigarette.

He had a surprise. But one that just he knew… And eventually Ronnie. Because something like that deserves an adequate celebration. And will be at Deacon style.

---------------------------------------------------

If you liked this fic, please reblog and leave a comment! (or if you’re shy, a reply, some emojis as response or an ask (could be in anon!)).

-Lily.

[lokisasylum]

If you’re a Taehyung stan, please read this

Okay, at first i wasn’t gonna talk about this because its kind of a touchy subject, a little controversial and honestly I don’t feel like giving clout to this person. So for the sake of this post I will not even mention her name.

(No, no, wait. Don’t get any wrong ideas. This has nothing to do with Shipping Wars or the whole Tae-hates-Jimin-agenda blahblahblah.)

I don’t know if you guys have noticed that a fairly new youtuber arose with this weird AF channel, messy as hell videos and honestly people in general were ignoring her, almost little to no views and zero comments.

But what drew my attention was that in the past days (5-6 days or so), she suddenly starts mentioning Taehyung in her videos (title and all) along with L*e J*nghyun of CN//Blue. And the first thing that came to my mind was:

“Oh my god... not this shit again with the whole B*rning S*n issue and people still trying to connect Tae into this whole mess.”

Because we KNOW how hard people have been trying to create scandals out of nothing for BTS. So, of course I stupidly clicked on it to see what it was all about.

AND HO-BOY ....WAS THIS ALOT TO UNPACK...

So this girl, who is NOT Korean (could be American, but I’m not sure), Is dead-ass alleging to have not only met Le* J*nghyun through tumblr was it? (and maybe later on they kept chatting elsewhere) But that she somehow got into an ONLINE RELATIONSHIP with him for a span of 4 years. A relationship that, according to her, became toxic real quick. Making her a victim of (online) abuse by this Idol.

Now, you might be wondering: “Okay, but what the fuck does this have to do with Taehyung?”

So get this.

This girl?? Is not only claiming to have been in an ONLINE relationship with a Korean Idol that she says she met on tumblr or whatever. But she is also stating that Taehyung is a direct witness to this “relationship”. Because according to her, she and Tae have been “really close friends/best friends (ONLINE)” since 2015 and they have this “special bond/relationship” where Taehyung supposively used to call her on her cellphone frequently.

BUT NOT ONLY THAT!

That Taehyung himself tried to stop or warn her about getting into that relationship with J*nghyun. That he “called her the same day that she accepted” and now “regrets not waiting a few minutes longer” to for his call, otherwise “she wouldn’t have accepted.”

OH MAN HOLYSHIT, BATMAN!

I know!

This all sounds like some deep ass AO3/Wattpad level, Idol/fem!reader, scenario type of shit.

But wait! THERE’S MORE.

This girl is reaching SO FAR that she made up this WHOLE ASS analysis/theory stating the following:

- That Taehyung has been living with a lot of regrets since then. (Funny she would say this, when there’s a post she wrote on her twitter saying that she didn’t recognize Taehyung UNTIL RECENTLY since she “met him in 2015 [ONLINE] before he became famous” as if BTS debuted in 2015 instead of 2013. So her story is full of contradictions all over)

- That whenever he sings, he is singing TO HER.

- That all of his solo songs (Stigma, Singularity, 4 O’ Clock, Scenery and even Winter Bear) were ALL written by him, ABOUT HER and what she went through and the guilt he “still feels” for not being able “to save her”.  So this “makes her happy” to know that “Tae still thinks about her all the time.” (When WE, as ARMY, KNOW that Namjoon is the one who wrote Stigma based on Demian, 4 O’ Clock which is a song Tae secretly dedicated to JIMIN, and Singularity. Whereas Tae wrote and composed the last two [Though he did needed help from Namjoon for Winter Bear since its 100% in english and he didn’t know if he had worded it correctly].)

That the reason WHY Taehyung refuses to speak of the issue is because Le* J*nghyun’s company is secretly blackmailing/threatening BTS/Bighit to keep quiet (But how could she possibly know this when she doesn’t speak Korean, has never been to Korea and doesn’t seem to have any online friends in the kpop fandom. Much less K-armys unless she’s following or buying info from sasaengs and EVEN THEN--).

But if you think that’s bad/borderline delulu???

The worse part is that she has both a Twitter and Instagram where she writes these things EVERY SINGLE DAY, AT EVERY HOUR. Talks about Taehyung ALOT and in a very creepy, almost stalker-ish matter (also, she ONLY speaks of Taehyung, she never mentions the other members by name, only BTS as a whole/group). And uses every single trending topic/hashtag she can find for the day to bring attention to her posts.

If the trending topic is TrumpsImpeachment? She’s using that.

MentalHealthAwareness? Yep, been there done that.

sexscandal and politics? She’s using those too.

EmpoweringHumanity? BreastCancerAwareness? She’s using it.

A new Anime trending?? She’s on it.

OH AND DID I MENTIONED THAT SHE IS TAGGING BTS AND TAEHYUNG TOO ON THESE POSTS?

NO?

WELL SHE IS.

*EXHALE....*

I... don’t know what this girl is trying to prove, I dunno if she’s just a regular clout chaser/anti spreading rumors/overly obsessed fan cause she is even calling herself “one of many Armys”. And I honestly found it so offensive from her part to be calling herself an ARMY so freely, while at the same time saying that she was gonna expose Taehyung and get him dragged into this scandal one way or another if he, himself, doesn’t "come clean” on his own.

And the reason why I won’t mention her name here is because this is slowly starting to blow up and a lot of people (from different fandoms and even NON-Kpop fans) have started calling her out on her bullshit while also reporting her accounts for slander. I can give you the name through private message, but not here.

So if you guys ever come across something like this or this person and it seems shady as hell. Don’t give the person any attention, just do the typical thing we do: Ignore, Report, Block, and Walk Away (If you can send a screenshot to K-armys to have them report it to Bighit, do so as well).

Don’t engage, because its very clear that this girl is hungry for attention and I’ve seen her use the “mental illness” and “race card” (since she is also a po*c) way too many times in her defense. So for all we know, she could be just trying to provoke the fandom/s and cause a reaction or get a few to attack her directly so that she can come around and drag everyone like it has happened before. 

==================

UPDATE: After receiving much backlash & hostility for her behavior, the girl had no choice but to come clean with her claims. And admitted that she did in fact made everything up from the beginning and in addition also admitted to having a serious (personal/emotional/mental) problem which made her believe (in her mind) that she really did have this relationship with an Idol whom she has never met.

[causinginvisibledamage]

TRR Chapter 14: Hana’s mom can just go straight back to hell from whence she came

General thoughts: 

All the Tangled references are appropriate this week because Hana is Rapunzel, Lorelai is Mother Gothel, and I’m throwing her over the balcony myself. 

Ok a little dramatic but oh man. I AM PEEVED. 

let’s try this again

Ok, so. This was a hard plot to resolve. Not even MC could talk the Lees out of being stubborn and listening to no one. So finally Hana found a way to take action and show her parents she could stand on her own to get past their fear and convince them she’s not doomed out here in the wilds. 

And it ties back into the reoccurring thread of this book, which is that you can get farther with friendship and allies than you can by trying to stubbornly go things alone. 

Biggest issue: Ima chalk it up to pacing: Hana’s victory and plot get swept past pretty quickly for a moment with your LI. :/ 

...Which, granted, was a really good moment! That diamond scene was fantastically done and definitely one of my faves. ♥

Alright, let’s get more into it! This post turned entirely into blahblahblah about Hana’s plot so jump in for that ride.  For reference, my MC is Riley and she’s romancing Maxwell, and I’ll probably have more about that later.

if you know anything about me, two things I am ALL ABOUT are HEISTS and DEFENDING MY FRIENDS. 

(In elementary school, I was quiet and painfully shy up until the point when someone tried to bully my friend within earshot, and then the school would have to call my mom because I didn't yet know how to channel those emotions into anything except STRANGLE. Maybe somebody should've taught me about heists! ...Wait no stealing is bad.)

Except when your friend's parents are being awful and unreasonable and not LISTENING

OH man. Just arranging these photos made me so angry again. These two are barely invited to my wedding. The back table with cold soup for them!!!

Lorelai might get most of my ire, but Xinghai isn’t coming off much better. 

Last week I guessed from all his sad sprites that he would be the weak link here, that we’d have to win him over to convince him to grow a spine and convince his wife to back off!!! but that isn’t what happened and I am kinda glad they didn’t go that predictable. 

But hooo man. These two have been having a one-way conversation with their daughter for her entire life, and now that she’s finally trying to speak back, they’re like Huh wow I guess words do nothing!!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Reminds me of that post about how “If you don’t respect me I won’t respect you” >>>  “If you don’t respect my authority I won’t respect you as a human being”

The reveal that Hana’s dress is tied to her last good memories of her grandmother, and the BLATANT way Lorelai uses it to manipulate her is so damn cruel. Oh, sure, it was totally just coincidentally sitting on top of this pile~ my ass

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. YOU WILL LIVE IN MY CASTLE WITH ME AND MAXWELL AND HAVE DANCE PARTIES AND BLANKET FORTS FOREVER.

So with that in mind, it sucks how being a good friend to Hana is so consistently paywalled :( I’m remembering back to the fondue scene in book 2 where she’s crying and everything, and if you don’t pay to invite the boys over, it’s kinda just like Oh man that’s rough buddy. :| 

Basically, if you don’t pay for the dress heist, the conversation where you comfort Hana gets cut very short, and it isn’t even given the weighty music it gets in the diamond scene, which really helps set the tone. And then the tension has to share the stage with Lorelai possibly ruining your party. 

I’ll be honest, if I had to choose between diamond scenes this week, it would have been the one with the LI, which is a great relationship-building one paired with sexitimes, and a good successor to the one two weeks ago where we finally get to talk about the future! 

More on that later because HEIST TIME

We are nothing if not on brand here at Duchy Revanasi. 

Off we go to recruit Maxwell or Olivia! 

Olivia: You can say the punchline as many times as you want, Maxwell. It’s still not funny.  Maxwell: Maybe I set it up wrong. I’ll start over from the top...  MC: Sorry to interrupt! Olivia: Oh thank god. 

jslkdj i love both of them

sorry Olivia, gotta see what shenanigans my fiancee can cook up. 

b’awwwwwww. 

Maxwell’s plan is to tell Lorelai they’re having a disco in the study!! A really really loud disco!!! Because “Riley said I could.” 

Lorelai leaves immediately. Heheh. 

as for Olivia, Our Lady of Drama, her tactic is uh. a little lacking in tact and I ended up being glad I went with Maxwell. 

At least we got a little bit of... backhanded defensiveness from Lorelai. “not entirely to blame” :/

I live in support of Hana’s angry face, but Olivia please. Hana is having a time 

Hana’s flirting tactic is straight to “take off your shirt” like damn girl 

We find a sECRET pASSAGE (hooray!!!) to a really pretty sunset. :D 

I really thought we were gonna take our LI back here later for a hot minute when MC was like “Hey I know a place!” but it ended up being the pretty balcony so I’m not complaining. 

Thanks, I have great writers! 

But god, this guts me. Hana never even had friends until she got here, she told MC that she was her first friend! Hana’s parents have been her only source of support for her entire life, of course she loves them and can’t picture her life without that, it’s all she’s had. 

Hana’s dad says Hana isn’t equipped “for a life of independence” like MC was. Like, he’s obviously coming from a place of worry, but it’s blinding to him to how Hana is trying to fix that. She has been trying so hard to stand on her own two feet. 

Her parents care, but they aren’t ready to listen to their daughter as a person. (respect vs respect again)

And damn, marrying someone like Neville would’ve been a disaster!!! Sure he’s rich, but he doesn’t exactly give off the impression he can make good decisions, so it would fall to Hana. Except with his arrogance and if Hana was as ideally subservient as her parents wanted her to be, she wouldn’t be able to. 

ugh i need to take 10 showers just following this thread of thought. 

sidenote, whomst the FUck let Neville onto my property. Gladys, get this punk trash outta here 

...Rashad can stay. He's alright. And helps out Hana in the end so, hooray!

Oooo Hana is still into us T_T 

That dress though! ♥ Usually i’m not into beadwork, but I adore the color, and how it makes MC look like a classy mermaid. I would love to wear that and swish around and feel how heavy it is. 

Those poor dressmakers who spend an entire year preparing and then if the duchess just is like Actually nah. 

:))) this made me laugh so hard. ISN’T IT. :[ 

She can’t take anything real from you. RUB IT IN HER FACE, HANA. 

But oh man. Lorelai not only holding Hana’s love and her things hostage, but also playing to the press like Oh what a fancy new duchy you have, such a nice festival of hope, wouldn’t it be a shame if one of your best friends mothers CAUSED A BIG DAMN SCENE. 

MC gives it the ole nyc try, but Xinghai is ready to hide behind his wife at a moment’s notice. 

COOL MOTIVE STILL MURDER or in this case ‘cool motive still emotionally manipulating your daughter and forcing your wishes on her’ 

I AM TRYING SO HARD TO WORK WITH YOU HERE. 

I think Lorelai’s bombshell for the press was the fake-out for someone getting murdered tonight. They went all out with the DRAMA MUSIC. Lorelai probably queued it herself, she clearly lives for the drama. GO AWAY. STOP RUINING THE MOMENT. People are trying to have wishes here >:(

[she’s talking about the chances of Xinghai making a business deal with Rashad on his own. sheesh, Lorelai’s not much more of a supportive wife than a mother, huh]

This image of Xinghai with the lantern breaks my heart a little. But I’m a sap. Damn discount George Takei, stand up for yourself and your daughter!

THIS, THOUGH. THIS SPEECH MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT. Your apologies are nice and all, but if you want to be a part of my life going forward? You can’t pull this shit again. That is exactly what she needed to say, and I’m glad she got to say it. 

I tried a few different ways and all times came out of it with Lorelai’s approval. Curious if it is possible to fail? Also wonder if there were differences if you didn’t win Xinghai’s approval in the previous book. 

ok i’m emotionally exhausted. the rest and Maxwell can wait for another post. i’m going to the gym or something

[starlight-matrix]

“Enchanted” Ch. 1 & Only

So. This is my Cinderella Klance AU. I have no idea if it will ever be updated, so please don’t get your hopes up. It’s from Lance’s POV, Lance is Cinderella, a couple other characters are a couple other roles, blahblahblah, enjoy.

“Fate is an interesting thing,” Lance’s father used to say. “We can think we have our lives under control, that everything that happens in life is of our own making. But there will always be moments when we have to realize that we truly don’t have control over anything. Life does what it wants with us, and we simply have to go with the flow. Those who deny fate will only suffer.”

As a child, Lance had swallowed those words like they were the sweetest of candies, treasuring his father’s philosophy as if it were a deity to be prayed to. “There is a lesson to learn from everything that happens in life.” His father would say. His mother would smile, and Lance came to love the phrase because it put meaning to everything in life- a trip and fall would teach him not to run on the rug, a terrible stomachache would teach him not to eat too much before bed.

Even the smallest of moments, a butterfly landing on his outstretched finger or a stranger smiling back to him, was given meaning, and Lance reveled in every little detail of life.

Lance’s father Jaime was his idol, the person he looked up to more than anyone. His father was a kind man, one who loved his family and his trade equally, teaching commoners philosophy and music and literature and everything else that was generally considered a “nobleman’s craft.” Lance was taught to play the piano and sing and read and write and map stars and grow crops and care for animals. He enjoyed everything his father taught him, still enjoys it all, even years later.

Lance’s mother Rosa was just as kind, if not as outspoken. She was quiet, and took comfort in silence, preferring the sounds of wind-rustled leaves and chirping crickets to the chaos of any meaningless conversation. Lance was a different person when he was with her. When he was with his father, he was loud, joking and laughing and singing as terribly as he could just to make his father laugh with him. But when he was with his mother, he was calm, taking in distant noise and helping her knit or sew, nestled into her side like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

And despite the difference in his personality depending on who he was with, Lance never felt like he was trying to be someone else. There were just two parts of him: the loudmouth prankster who loved nothing more than to see someone full-out belly laugh, and the minimalist boy who fell in love with quilting and treasured every small, miniscule happenstance.

Growing up, these were the traits that defined Lance- his love for making people happy, his kind and social nature, his need for affection. He loved his parents and they loved him. He had good friends in the farm animals and the other household staff, and his family was never in lack. So there was no room in his heart for anger or sadness or any other negative emotion.

Sometimes Lance wonders if the only reason those emotions exist now is that some of that happiness and love he’d once treasured had gradually seeped out and left an emptiness behind.

Lance’s first taste of sadness is when his father discovers swollen bumps on his skin, white and painful with the stress of whatever is inside. The doctor comes. Lance and his mother are all but thrown from the room the moment the doctor finishes his exam, and the doctor refuses to let them back in. “He has the plague.” The doctor says. “You cannot go in, for you may fall ill as well.”

Jamie McClain dies the next morning, alone and scared and without any proper farewell from his beloved wife and son. Men come to wrap up the body, and they bury him in the pasture behind the house, blue forget-me-nots covering his grave. Lance and his mother never again enter the room where he had died- there’s too much risk of his illness being on the items in the room.

For months afterward, Lance and his mother are never apart. All of his father’s students come to pay their respects, and Lance holds his mother’s hand in his as they listen to wild stories about his father’s wonderful teaching and funny jokes. Lance knows every word is true, knows he has seen all of what these students have seen and more. But he listens to every story even though he’s heard them all before from his father, because his father is gone, and these students are telling Lance the stories his father can no longer tell himself.

Late at night, when the house staff is asleep and the house is silent aside from the croaking of frogs in the pond outside, Lance and Rosa weep together, curled in each other’s arms to share the grief of losing someone who meant so much to the both of them. Lance will bury his face in his mother’s chest and let the tears soak her nightgown, savoring the feeling of hands running through his hair and rubbing circles on his back. The pillows are always damp when he wakes up, but his mother is always there to help yank them off to be washed, the gentlest of smiles forming on her lips.

“You must always let your tears flow. They can always be washed away after.” She says, taking Lance’s hand in her own and kissing him on the nose and making him giggle like a child.

In the few years after his father’s death, Lance savors his mother’s company more than ever before. He insists she teach him every trick there is to learn about sewing and knitting. They spend hours a day in the sunroom, cuddled up together on the lounge listening to the far-off sounds of honking geese and whinnying horses, embroidering or mending ripped clothes or simply enjoying the warmth of the body pressed into theirs.

To say that Lance is surprised when a carriage suddenly comes flying in through the front gate is the understatement of the century. No one they know is wealthy enough to afford a carriage, so who on Earth could be coming to visit?

Lance is in awe of the man who steps down onto the dirt driveway. Long, snowy-white hair like something out of a fairy tale, a bright violet tunic with silver trim and laced heeled boots that Lance is terribly impressed by (he knew he’ll never be able to walk a foot in heels without falling, likely breaking the shoes and his teeth). Even without the fancy carriage and entourage of personal attendants, the man is still so extravagant Lance wonders if he’s perhaps come to the wrong estate.

“Is this the home of Jaime McClain?” The man asks, looking at the house as if he is both disappointed and mildly impressed at the same time.

Lance nods with a small but genuine smile. “Yes, this is. I’m his son.”

“Ah!” The man’s face lights up then, a wide grin gracing his features. “You are Lance, I assume! Your father has told me much about you! I am Lord Lotor Tremaine, a friend of his.”

“Oh! You’re the man who helped build papa’s school!” Lance is glad to recognize the man, if only in name. Lotor nods sharply and moves up the steps in front of the door.

“May I?” He asks, gesturing toward the door.

Lance hurries to open the door wider, moving out of the way so Lotor can enter. “Of course!”

As Lotor enters the house, Lance gently closes the door behind them, turning toward Shay, the housemaid. “Can you find mama, please? Tell her a friend of papa’s is here.” He asks. Shay nods with a smile that fades once she casts a long glance at Lotor, who is preoccupied with one of the scenery paintings on the wall. Shay disappears, and Lance turns back to Lotor. “We don’t have guests over very often, so I hope you’ll forgive us if our hospitality’s a bit shabby.”

Lotor smiles sympathetically, setting a hand on Lance’s shoulder. He ignores how hard the grip is. “I wouldn’t expect the two of you to be perfectly poised, not when you’ve been in grief,” Lotor says. “Your father was a good and kind man. I’m sure you must miss him dearly.”

Lance smiles back, a tinge of sadness seeping into his features. “Yes, sir, I do.”

Lotor moves to walk further down the front hall, and he makes a passing compliment on the chandelier - a carved crystal piece shaped to resemble three swans joined together by the tips of their wings. A memory floats in Lance’s mind of laying on the rug in the hall with his mother and father on either side, regaling them the story of “The Ugly Duckling” and changing up the ending, saying that when the poor little duckling finally found his family and discovered he was beautiful, the three of them were so happy they turned into the purest of crystals, stuck together forever in time.

The short daydream is broken by his name being called, and Lance turns to see his mother on the stairs, Shay close behind. She smiles at him and he smiles back, and then her gaze is on Lotor, and she hurries down the last few steps to approach him with a polite curtsey.

“Welcome, Lord Tremaine. It’s an honor to meet you in person. My husband treasured the school you helped him build all those years ago, I could never thank enough for that.” She says, folding her hands in front of her. Lance scoots back a few steps to watch their exchange from afar.

Lotor bows low to Rosa, a look in his eyes that Lance can’t place, and then Lotor is looking at him with an expression of partial concern. “Lady McClain, I would greatly appreciate if you and I could speak in private. I have some matters that pertain only to you and I.”

Lance tries not to let his confusion show on his face. His mother glances between him and Lotor as if she wants to go against the man’s wishes and insist her son sit in, but Lance gives her a look that says not to be rude, as much as he wants to hear what Lotor has to say.

“...of course. Please, this way.” She says, gesturing toward the study. Lance stays put in the hall until Shay pulls the study doors shut, turning back to him with a small smile.

“Lance, why don’t you help me prepare some tea for them? Some time in the garden might help keep your mind off whatever it is they’re discussing in there.” Shay says.

Lance nods with a small grin and follows Shay through the house, waving hello to Hunk as they enter the kitchen. He doesn’t stop to make idle conversation like usual, beelining for the back door and hopping down the steps into the greenhouse attached to the kitchen, breathing in the smell of all the spices and herbs growing in neat little rows. This place is Hunk’s pride and joy, passed down to him from his father, who had once been the McClain’s personal chef before retiring.

Lance runs a hand along the glass panes of the wall as he moves carefully between the rows, silently naming off all of the plants as he passes: sage, parsley, basil, oregano, dill, lemongrass, coriander, chives, mint. He plucks a few mint leaves off the plant and heads back into the kitchen, handing the leaves over to Shay who slips them into a small teabag, carefully sewing the top closed so none of the leaves will seep out. Lance takes a seat on a stool off to the side and watches.

Ten minutes pass, and then the kettle is steaming, and Lance hops up off his stool to grab his mother’s favorite tea set off the shelf and hand it over to Shay, who smiles at the silent gesture. He watches her place the tea bags carefully into the pot, pouring the steaming water in after, slow so as not to break the tea bags. He takes the teacups and places them neatly on their saucers on a tray, and Shay places the finished teapot next to them, Hunk adding a plate of cookies and the tiny pitcher of milk. Lance fetches the bowl of sugar cubes, and the ensemble is complete.

“Lance,” Shay says, holding out the tray. “Would you like to take it in?”

Lance hesitates, wanting to say yes, but shakes his head. “No, but thanks. I don’t want Lord Tremaine to think I’m spying on their conversation.”

Shay nods in understanding and leaves the kitchen, maneuvering through the house quickly and with ease despite the weight of the tray in her hands. Lance follows her, but stops at the edge of the hall, out of sight as Shay uses her foot to knock on the study door. A voice Lance can’t understand sounds from inside, and Shay deftly opens the door with her elbow, disappearing inside the room. Lance waits patiently at the end of the hall, shooting Shay an expectant look when she emerges from the study once again.

The worried look on her face mirrors on Lance’s own when he sees Shay, and the two of them speed-walk back to the kitchen, Hunk looking up from where he's planning dinner and raising an eyebrow when they throw the door shut behind them.

“What’s wrong?” Lance asks, his fingers wringing together in silent panic. His mother is in a room with a stranger - a male stranger at that - and Shay’s expression only adds to his paranoia.

“I’m not quite sure, but your mother looked stressed when I went in. Lord Tremaine had his arms crossed as if he were waiting for something, though it didn’t seem as if he was pressuring her at all. I think he was asking your mother to make a decision. She looked troubled.” Shay explains, gaze locked with Lance’s. “Perhaps she doesn’t want to make a decision until she’s talked it over with you?”

Lance says nothing, not knowing what he could say. He knows his mother has never had to make hard decisions on her own- she’d always had his father there to make them for her, or to at least give good advice and comforting words and to accept whatever decision she did make. But now she doesn’t have him to support her, and while Lance knows he’ll support any decision his mother can make about anything, he simply doesn’t have the expertise of an adult.

He can’t help her make a decision about anything that is truly important, and it makes him feel useless.

Lance waits on the stairs for the meeting to be over, picking at a hangnail that eventually bleeds when he pulls a little too hard. He sticks the hurting finger into his mouth and frowns at the taste of iron on his tongue, but then the study doors open again and the pain is shoved aside.

He stands, hiding the wound behind his back, but doesn’t move from his spot as his mother and Lotor exit the study, arms linked as Rosa leads him to the front door. They speak in hushed tones and exchange polite farewells, and Lance’s stomach churns as Lotor leans forward, pressing a kiss to his mother’s temple. There is no love in the kiss, Lance can see it from how Lotor pulls away in a rush and how his mother’s mouth presses into a thin line. Lotor bows again and leaves, Lance’s mother watching from the doorway until Lotor’s carriage is out of sight.

Lance rushes to her side when she turns back to him, and she takes him into her arms and holds him tight, his tall frame dwarfing hers. “Ah, Lance, I’m sorry. You must have been worried.”

“Only a little.” He lies as they pull apart, hands still linked. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, baby, I’m alright. Just tired is all. Come, let’s go sit in the sunroom. I have something to tell you.”

The two of them move through the house in synch, settling onto the lounge in their favorite room, pressed into each other’s sides. Lance slouches low enough in his seat to lean his head on his mother’s shoulder, running his hands over the rings her finger. They’re both beautiful silver bands stacked over each other, the top one with a tiny garnet set into the metal- his mother’s birthstone.

The bottom ring has an emerald instead, and Lance remembers his mother saying she wore it underneath her own because his father’s fingers were so much thicker than her own.

“Lord Tremaine has asked me to marry him.”

His mother blurts out the words without warning, forever ruining Lance’s memory of twirling his father’s wedding ring around her finger.

“And I’ve said yes.”

Lance’s gaze snaps to meet his mother’s, and she looks away, grip tightening on Lance’s hand.

“I’m not marrying him for love, you must know that, but it isn’t a bad thing. Lord Tremaine knows how to manage accounts, how to manage finances. I don’t have a job like your father did, I don’t know how to manage the estate well enough to keep us out of debt in years to come.” She explains.

Her face contorts into an emotion Lance knows all too well: hopelessness. “If I marry him, Lord Tremaine can manage the estate and finances and everything I don’t know how to do. He’s promised to help us keep the house, to make sure we keep the home your father loved. I just...I couldn’t say no, Lance. I can’t bear the thought of losing this place. So I agreed to marry him.”

Lance says nothing for a long moment, simply allowing the words to sink in fully. He understands why his mother agreed to marry Lord Tremaine. He’s someone Lance’s father trusted, someone he had looked up to and respected. He’s also a wealthy man, and obviously an educated man, if he was offering to handle everything about their lives that was even mildly complicated.

She had agreed to marry Lord Tremaine for her husband. To keep the place where she had once spent her life in his arms, happy and healthy and loved.

“I’ll support you. Both of you.” Lance says, voice quiet but sure. “Forever and ever, I promise.”

His mother looks close to tears, and Lance throws his arms around her, letting her sob into his chest. “Do you think your father would be upset if he knew I’m marrying again?”

“Of course not! He’d tell you this is a good idea, that it’s clever to marry like this. Besides, papa trusted Lord Tremaine. He would applaud you for making such a hard decision all on your own.”

Lance feels his mother nod against his chest, and they stay like that for a long while, just holding each other in comfortable silence while shadows trail along the walls with the setting of the sun.

The sun is low enough in the sky to no longer be seen above the treeline when Shay finally comes to fetch them for dinner. They eat with the house staff that night- Shay, Hunk, the gardener and the stablehand. Lance sticks close to his mother’s side as she informs everyone about Lord Tremaine’s proposal. There won’t be a wedding, she says, as their union isn’t for love and shouldn’t be made a bigger deal than it already is. But Lord Tremaine will be moving into the estate afterward, along with his niece and nephew, whom he cares for.

Lance is a bit put-off by the idea of suddenly having stepsiblings, but Hunk and Shay assure him that it can’t be that much different to the relationship he has with the both of them. “Surely they’ll grow on you with time.” They say, both having siblings of their own.

Lance goes to bed that evening with a whirlpool of thoughts swirling about in his head. What will it be like living with strangers? What will his new step-siblings be like? What will Lord Tremaine be like, behind closed doors and apart from the need for courtesy? What if he doesn’t like them all?

What if he likes them too much, and they all disappear, just as his father did?

Eventually, sleep comes, and the thoughts fade into dreams of soaring swans and the lapping of the ocean on a white shore, his father’s distant laughter and the smell of his mother’s perfume. When he wakes the next morning, he can’t help but wish to be back in the dream, back in the place where his father is still alive and smiling and telling wild stories that Lance always believed.

A month later, Lord Lotor Tremaine and Lady Rosa McClain are joined in union, and hardly a week after that, Lord Tremaine’s carriage returns to the estate, overflowing with trunks and bulging suitcases that look like they really shouldn’t be able to stay on top of the carriage without falling off. The carriage door flies open and then a young girl is hopping out, perfectly styled blonde locks floating down over her shoulders and chest. A young man almost identical to her in every way aside from obvious gender steps out alongside her, and Lance decides in but a second that he definitely, definitely wants to be friends with these two.

The girl approaches Lance before he can say anything, smiling sweetly and dragging her brother with her by the hand, curtseying to Lance as her brother bows at her side. Lance bows to the both of them and returns her smile. “Welcome! I’m Lance, it’s nice to meet you both.”

“I’m Nyma, and this is my brother Rolo. It’s nice to meet you too, Lance. Your home is beautiful! I could see the roof from all the way down the road, and the view you have here is gorgeous!” The girl says, introducing herself with a gesture toward her brother as his name is mentioned. Lance watches her spin slowly around as she gazes up at the house and around the front courtyard. Rolo holds a hand out and Lance shakes it, the two of them sharing curt smiles.

“Would you like to see inside? You’re going to be living here from now on, so I could give you both a tour.” Lance offers, enjoying the way Nyma’s eyes light up at the suggestion.

“Oh, would I!” She says, eyes sparkling.

Lance leads them into the house, sparing a glance back at his mother, who is approaching Lotor and speaking to him with a polite smile on her face, one Lance can tell isn’t genuine even from so far away. But then Nyma is saying something about the chandelier in the hall and Lance drags his attention from the two adults and back to his two new step-siblings.

He leads them both throughout the house with a genuine smile, enjoying their cheerful company and active compliments. Nyma takes at least ten seconds to fully admire everything they pass on their way- the flowering branches painted onto the walls, the patterns etched into the wooden floorboards, the carved doors and bay windows and chandeliers. Rolo says little, but takes a keen interest in anything of woodwork, Nyma explaining that it had been their family business long ago.

Lance learns that Nyma and Rolo’s parents also died of bubonic plague, just like his own father. He learns that Lotor was their mother’s brother, and that he took them in without hesitation, raising and teaching them on his own without the help of servants despite being a wealthy lord who surely had better things to do than to deal with two grieving children. Lance tells them about his father, about the stories he would tell and the things he would teach, and how much good he did for the poorer people in the world.

“Your father sounds like a wonderful man,” Nyma says, laying a hand on Lance’s arm.

“He was,” Lance replies. “What about your parents? Do you remember them much?”

“Not really. We were too young when they died to remember more than tiny details. Our father, he was a woodworker, and when I think of our family home I always smell woodchips, no matter where I am. Our mother always smelled like barley tea, and she had the softest hair. We would tangle our hands in it when she carried us and she would just laugh, even though it surely hurt, having us babies pulling on her curls. I can remember our father’s beard, all thick and scratchy.”

Nyma’s expression turns into something fond and distant, and Rolo slips his hand into hers, his sister giving him a small smile as she entwines the fingers of her other hand with Lance’s own.

“We have only just met, Lance McClain, but I can tell we’re going to be very close.” She says, Rolo nodding in agreement. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have two brothers.”

Lance and Rolo both laugh at Nyma’s wistful tone, and the three of them continue on their tour of the McClain estate until the sun has set and Shay comes to fetch them for dinner. Nyma and Rolo, as a point of contrast to their uncle, don’t really treat Shay as a servant, but rather as a friend of the family, the way Lance and his mother always have. Nyma and Shay get along like a house on fire and Lance can already tell they’re going to make wonderful friends.

Upon entering the dining room, they find Lotor and Rosa sitting on opposite ends of the table, a picture of stereotypical wealth that has Lance chuckling to himself despite the distant feeling of sadness in the fact that his mother’s husband doesn’t want to be close to her.

Lance takes the seat closest to his mother’s side, and Nyma takes the seat across from him, Rolo at her side. Lotor doesn’t mention how neither of them sit near him, though Lance can see the way he glances to both Nyma and Rolo, a calculating look in his eye. “Well, I’m glad the three of you have had time to mingle and become acquainted. Nyma, Rolo, this is Lady Rosa, your new stepmother. I trust the both of you will treat her as she deserves.”

“Of course we will!” Nyma says, almost sounding offended at her uncle’s implications. “Lady Rosa, I’m honored to live in your beautiful home. And Lance has been so kind to us already, I’m sure you and I will get along just as well.”

Lance’s mother matches Nyma’s smile with one of her own, a small, genuine smile that eases Lance’s nerves and makes his heart swell. “I’m sure we will, darling. I’m glad you feel that way.”

The meal passes with happy conversation, mostly led by Nyma, who chatters on about the decor of the house and the impressive upkeep of the gardens and how nice Shay is. Lance adds in with questions about Nyma’s hair routine and they go on a long tangent about skin care, sharing tips and making Rosa laugh at their antics. Surprisingly, Rolo opens up more a while into the dinner, conversing with Rosa about books and the hand-carved banisters on the stairs. Lotor says little, simply watching the exchanges with a blank expression Lance can’t read.

After dinner finally comes to an end, Lance is exhausted with the energy of meeting new people, and he bids his new siblings good night as Shay leads them to their rooms, chatting with Nyma as they walk down the hall. He hugs his mother right outside her bedroom door, and she whispers in his ear how proud she is that he did so well with the Tremaines. “You were kind,” She says, “and you treated them as you treat me. I’m glad you all get along.”

Lance and his mother share a smile, and she kisses him on the forehead, then on each cheek, before turning back to her husband and disappearing into their room.

For the first time in years, Lance sleeps alone in his own bedroom, cold and just a little bit lonely.

[kurokoros]

Honestly, being a fic writer sucks. Like, I know I’ve joking talked to @xambedo about how if fandoms were totem poles (probably a super bad analogy, I know) fic writers would be towards the bottom. Not the very bottom, because fics are generally more relevant than AMVs (which are hella awesome and deserve way more recognition because editing videos and matching clips is hard), but certainly not towards the top either.

Some lovely things that come with being a fic writer:

Being told you’re not a “real” writer. Because it’s entirely irrelevant that fanfiction has created a new wave of writers and most are entirely self-taught. I learned more writing fics between the ages of 13-18 than I ever did in school, so much so that my Creative Writing professor in collage told me there was “nothing more he could teach me.”

Fanfiction, as a whole, has a generally negative connotation. You find any book to movie adaptation that didn’t go well at all and people say it was “written like fanfiction.” Not “bad fanfiction” just “fanfiction. Never mind that there’s so much good fanfiction (some of which being better than the actual source material).

Need to pay the bills? Want to try commissions? A patreon? Good luck! 

The overall lack of response sucks. Generally speaking, even the most popular writers in fandoms struggle to get their work spread around. On a good day you can get maybe 100-300 notes on a fic (wide range, but that’s exactly how much it varies), and that depends on when you post it, how many times you reblog it yourself, and chance. A lot of people just don’t reblog fics

There are no good sites to post fics. FF.net is dysfunctional 70% of the time, AO3 is complicated to use and people are even less likely to leave comments there, and Tumblr just isn’t very welcoming to writers (I’ve been told several times that I should just move to a different platform. Jokes on you, even sites dedicated to fic writers absolutely suck. There’s no winning, only exhaustion and resignation.)

Reviews/Comments are frustrating as all heck. Either readers don’t review, they leave magnificent comments that touch your soul, or you get twelve reviews telling you to “update” despite the fact that you just did an hour ago. I promise you, fic writers watch their email like a hawk after updating, and the moment they open that first email saying they have a review and see it’s just telling them to update again, they deflate. And it’s not that people don’t have the time or don’t know what to say, they just... don’t want to. 

(Sidenote: try bribing your readers sometime, just to see for yourself. If you have a consistent schedule, casually slip in that “hey, if this chapter can hit *insert number slightly higher than the average* reviews, I’ll update *insert earlier date than when you would be updating*.” Like, just try that once. I swear you’ll get least a few more reviews than normal.)

Blahblahblah, I’m whining, if you’re going to reblog this to be a snarky asshole and call fic writers entitled/greedy/etc how about you consider not doing that and maybe just let fic writers be frustrated over things. Writing is hard.

[kyoonqs]

iluso amor ; fourth part.

↬ summary: Cora has always considered herself elusive, easy to bore and adventurous to the last fiber of her body. One day for no apparent reason, she appears in front of the manager of a globetrotting circus passing through the city where she is temporarily staying to fill her life with magic. Baekhyun, as serious as he is handsome, has no intention of playing a role other than on the main canvas of the circus. He decides to separate Cora from her life of fantasies created by her travels and sets out to show her reality as raw and cruel as he knows it. Or so he believes.

Will time run out too quickly before love and passion devour him and he decides to risk everything for a love that lasts… Forever?

↬ pairing: baekhyun x cora fem!reader.

↬ circus!au ; illusionist!baek x hitchhiker!oc ; strangers to lovers au!

↬ genre: fluff ; romance ; angst ; drama.

↬ tag list: @changshapatrol @spacebyuns @fluffyhunnie @soos-goddess @hoho-cham​ @shadoukiti @sunbyun21 @mangobaek @suhotly @pororodks @bbhbae @blahblahblah-boo @leewalberg @byunsbobobu @endzii23 @taeilpathic @jennie7​ @ainedreams​ @lylthy​

If you’d like to be tagged for future chapters, please let me know!

↬ masterlist.

“Leave me alone.”

Cora opened her eyes just enough to glance at the clock and see that it was five in the morning. She wasn't going to argue, much less lose hours of sleep, so she snuggled against the upholstery of the truck –which she had entered half-asleep a few minutes earlier– and closed her eyes again. He slid his eyes down her body and snorted in resignation.

“Are you sure you don't want it?” He said as he shook and offered her the last berry flavored yogurt – despite it being his favorite. He had retrieved it from the refrigerator when he saw that she hadn’t had breakfast since they were about to embark on their next trip.

She snatched it from him and placed it in the compartment at her side. She was quick to return mulling over the events of the three previous night. Cora scanned Baekhyun's face for any trace of resentment but couldn't find it. She was too tired and sad to argue again but if she didn't reply, it would seem that she had given up and was doing what he wanted.

Cora’s days in Fraga consisted of rising early, cleaning the caravan, shopping at the market, cooking for the both of them, covering Gael's stall, attending performance, cleaning up and sleeping. Regarding Baekhyun, she had decided to speak up if she required it and to stay close when she needed help and Talia couldn't help. Although it was hard for her.

With Talia she formed a close friendship, making her the only person with whom she had opened up to most until now. She had learned that the girl came from Goa –a place in India colonized by Portuguese years ago– and that they were practically the same age. Her family had always been part of the circus, not necessarily working under  the same banner but they hailed the lifestyle as tradition. She was a hard-working girl, attentive, funny and above all, very sweet and that moved Cora to the bone.

“It's going to be tough staying here if you don't respond when spoken to, dulzura.”

“What happened three nights ago, I didn't deserve it.” 

He said nothing, and if it hadn't been for the way his lips pursed, Cora would have thought he hadn't heard her.

They continued to travel in absolute silence until, finally, Cora fell asleep. 

Lost in her dreams, she found a more comfortable position and ended up leaning on Baekhyun's shoulder. A lock of her hair fluttered in the breeze and caressed his lips. He let it play there for a while, brushing his mouth and jaw. She smelled of sweet , expensive perfume, like the scent of wildflowers in a jewelry store. 

Cora was right about what had transpired. He had been a fool but only because he was going against his current. He had never met a woman with so many contradictions. She had said he was cynical but she was wrong. Of course he had feelings but they weren't the ones she wanted. Life had taught Baekhyun that he was incapable of having them.

He told himself that he had to pay attention to the road, but he couldn't resist looking down at the warm, lean body that nestled against him. With her legs tucked up on the seat, Cora had finally lost the battle against her fussy dress and now it was raised to show the smooth curve of her inner thigh. Baekhyun's eyes fell on her thighs but he looked away, angry at himself for undergoing such torture. In his eyes, she was beautiful. He had to admit that she was not the young woman he had initially thought her to be. She possessed an unexpected and disturbing sweetness that made her seem more vulnerable than he wanted.

In the afternoon, Cora was exhausted. Only by trying her best had she been able to finish cleaning the trailer, showering, preparing something to eat, and getting to the red wagon in time to service the ticket office. It would have taken a lot longer if Baekhyun hadn't given her a hand by placing the utensils used during lunch, a surprise since he was always running back to his activities.

It was Saturday and she accidentally overheard the brief conversations of workers who came to collect their pay envelopes. Baekhyun had told her that some of the workers who set up tents and moved equipment were troublesome but low wages and poor conditions did not attract more stable employees. Some had been working in the circus for years just because they had nowhere else to go. Others were adventurers drawn to the allure of the circus world but generally no one lasted long there – perhaps even her?.

Baekhyun looked up from his desk when Cora entered the trailer. She was beginning to think a perpetual frown had been drawn onto his face.

“Today Argelia returns. I'll tell her to find you a malliot for the show. When she can help you, I'll send someone to take care of the locker.”

“Remember that I’m not an artist.”

“This is the circus, dulzura. Everyone is an artist.”

Her curiosity about the mysterious Argelia made her ignore his grin. 

“Fionn told me she was a famous aerialist.”

“She’s the last of her generation. Her family is par excellence the owner of trapeze and aerobatics. Stay as far out of her way as possible.” He paused as he got up. “Remember what I told you about the money box. Don't lose sight of it.”

“Okay.” With a sharp nod, Baekhyun disappeared. 

Cora handled the ticket sales without a hitch. The flow of people stopped as soon as the performance began, and she sat on the stairs of the trailer to enjoy the night breeze. She looked at the lights and flags that decorated the small play area of the kermesse that always accompanied the circus which, in addition to attracting children, was another way for the circus to make money. At that moment, an antique Cadillac entered the compound accompanied by a trail of dust. An exotic-looking woman with bright reddish hair stepped out in a tight top, tight rubber leggings revealing her long legs and beaded sandals. Large gold earrings gleamed in the dim light through her tousled hair and a matching pair of bangles adorned her slender wrists. As the woman made her way to the circus entrance, Cora caught a glimpse of her face: pale skin, well-defined features, and a voluptuous mouth emphasized with crimson lipstick. 

This woman was so self-assured that it was impossible for it to be a visitor. Cora knew it could only be Argelia.

Cora chatted with a customer queuing to buy tickets for the second show for a few minutes and by the time he left, Argelia had disappeared. As soon as she had dispatched everyone who came to the box office, Cora began to peruse the contents of an envelope filled with clippings from old local newspapers. Baekhyun's number with the whip was mentioned in several articles dated two years earlier and was not mentioned again until a month ago. She knew that circuses changed performances and performers moved from place to place, which made her wonder where he would have performed in the days he wasn’t traveling with today's circus.

When the first show finished, a tall young man appeared, the same one who had danced with Talia, she still didn't know his name but she knew that he was in charge of organizing the smaller tents and lighting the place.

“I’m Adal. Baekhyun sent me to take care of the box office. You have to go back to the caravan to try on a maillot.”

Thanking the messenger, she headed for the trailer. When she entered, she was surprised to see Argelia, folding the clothes she had left hanging on a makeshift clothesline. Cora felt doubly insulted: first for seeing someone with their hands on her clothes and then for being late. She wouldn’t add to those sins being rude.

“Would you like a cup of tea, maybe a soda?”

“No. I'm Argelia LeBlanc but I guess you already knew that.” Upon closer inspection, Cora noticed the circus owner was wearing more striking makeup than she would have chosen, not that it didn't suit her but combined with the clothes, somewhat provocative, and those extravagant accessories, it was clear her aesthetic had been influenced by life in the circus.

“Baekhyun likes order and he’s known to eat well. You hardly have anything in the fridge.” A deep emotion crossed Argelia's face, revulsion combined with almost palpable hostility. Instantly, Cora realized that Argelia LeBlanc would never be her friend.

“I know, I plan to do it soon. Thank you for telling me.” Argelia looked ready to pounce but Cora knew who would lose, so she pointed to the two sequin maillots on the back of the chair.

“Are those the maillots I have to try on?” The woman nodded with her head. Cora picked up the one on top and realized that it was nothing more than a sequined piece of cloth.

“I have a feeling it will cover me very little.”

“That's the idea. This is the circus. The public expects to see a good portion of skin.”

“And does it have to be mine?” Argelia watched her critically, evidently expecting her to straighten her back. But after beginning to understand how they behaved in the circus, Cora knew when not to clash in arguments. Sincerity was the only defense against experts in malice. 

She went into the bathroom and removed all of her clothes except the panties but when she put on the tiny garment she realized that the cut on her leg was so high they could be seen. She undressed again and started again. When she was done, she looked at herself in the mirror and felt like naked. Two vertical strips with blue sequins covered her breasts, and a wider horizontal strip crossed them. The body of the maillot was nothing more than a fine veil of golden net.

“I don't think I can go out with this.” She exclaimed through the door.

“Let's see…”

“It's too re–” Her words were interrupted when she saw Baekhyun leaning on the sink semi-dressed for the performance. She wanted to run back to the bathroom, and if Argelia hadn't been there, she would have. Why did he have to show up when she was dressed like that?

“Come closer so we can see you.” he said.

Cora stepped forward reluctantly. They were both silent and she had the feeling of being an intruder. Baekhyun didn't say anything, but scrutinized her in such a way that she felt naked.

“Turn around.” Argelia ordered. Cora blushing turned around again.

“It's a show for families, I don't want her to show up like this.” Baekhyun said, closing his eyes with the idea of recording the image just seen in his head, but also seeking control over himself.

“You're right. She doesn't have enough attributes to fill it out properly. Let's see if the other one suits you better.” The woman opened her leotard without warning and pulled it down, leaving Cora naked to the waist. With a gasp, she grabbed the pool of sequins and the net that had slid down her belly, but her fingers were clumsy and it was like trying to catch air. She looked at Baekhyun, who was standing with his ankles crossed and his hands resting on the counter behind her.

“God, you blush like a virgin. Haven’t you ever gotten naked in front of a man?” Argelia's lips curved into a smile.

“Enough, Argelia. Leave her alone.” Baekhyun stepped between the two women, almost as if he wanted to hide Cora's nudity, which was ridiculous, as it was from him that she wanted to hide.

“Give it to me. This one is best.” The loose sleeves of the white shirt flapped as he ripped the red sequin jersey from Argelia's hands. He looked at it and handed it to Cora with some tenderness. She grabbed her jersey and ran into the bathroom. 

When the door was closed, she leaned against it and tried to breathe normally, but her heart was pounding and her skin was burning. Finally she put onthe maillot, and was relieved to see that something more than the other covered her. The sequins of all reddish to orange, in the shape of a tongue of fire, climbed from the crotch to the bodice, where they stuck to her breasts in an irregular and jagged way. The leg openings reached almost to the waist, showing a good portion of skin. She opened the door and reluctantly left the bathroom, at least it covered her waist.

“Where is Argelia?” There was only Baekhyun, leaning on the edge of the table with his hip. Cora gulped and chewed on her lower lip.

“She had to speak to another of the employees. Turn around.”

“You were lovers, right? Was she married to the owner of the circus when you were with her?”

“Not now. Now stop gossiping and let me see you from behind.”

“Wanting to know more about you is not gossiping. I've been looking at some old newspaper clippings and I noticed that you didn't do the circus tour last year. Why?”

“So… What difference does it make? That's none of your business.” Baekhyun was the most reserved person Cora had ever met in her life and she knew she wouldn't get anything else out of him.

“I don't like this jersey. I don't like either of them.”

“You look like an artist.” Since she didn't turn around like he asked, Baekhyun got behind her. The young woman hated being exposed like that and pulled away when she felt him touch her shoulder.

“Stay still. It couldn’t be criticized even by the most conservative.” He grabbed her waist with his other hand.

Baekhyun had gotten so close that her breasts brushed against the soft fabric of his shirt when she turned to him. She shuddered. He lowered the hand he had placed on the girl's waist, sliding it along the bottom edge of the leotard and placing it on the girl's lower back, millimeters from where her buttocks began. Fiery flames shot through Cora from head to toe. She pulled back a little, not because she wanted to sneak away, but because she wanted too much to stay where she was.

“Remember what you told me.” Without taking his hand away from where it was, Baekhyun tilted his head and nuzzled her neck, warming her skin with his breath on her ear. He leaned back and she could see the amber specks gleaming in his eyes.

“Maybe I don't care too much anymore.” Cora's heart raced and she knew she couldn't have escaped even if she wanted to. He looked up and felt as if everything had vanished and there was nothing but the two of them.

Baekhyun's mouth seemed strangely tender to her despite her harsh gesture. He parted his lips and covered her gently, while at the same time, he held her even more against his body. His chest felt broad and heavy against her. When Baekhyun molded his mouth to hers, she experienced a moment of astonishment. His lips were tender and soft in contrast to the rest of her person. 

Cora offered herself to him since she couldn't do otherwise. He stroked her lower lip and brushed the tip of her tongue with his. The sensation made her feel slightly dizzy and she wrapped her arms around Baekhyun's waist, feeling the silky fabric of his shirt under her fingers, then she slid her palms down his biceps. He moaned against her mouth, then his tongue plummeted down on hers. The kiss went wild. 

Baekhyun lifted her against him and pushed her back, pulling her up onto the counter. Cora clung to his back to keep her balance. He stepped between her legs and the decorative chains on his hips dug into Cora's inner thighs. The soft feminine moan resounded like an echo in the warm masculine mouth as he felt Baekhyun's hands on the back of her neck.

“You're beautiful,” he gasped, looking at her. He began to kiss her again while his fingers tangled with the hair on the nape of her neck, making gentle strokes that didn’t stop drawing her towards him. It was too much for her. The brush of the belt jewels on her thighs, the soft caress of his hands.

“Five minutes to the show! Baekhyun!” Someone banged hard on the caravan door. 

Cora jumped off the counter like a guilty teenager and, turning her back to him, nervously adjusted her hair. She felt hot, agitated, and terribly irritated. How could she be so eager to give herself to a man who hardly ever said a kind word to her? She shot into the bathroom but stopped when she heard Baekhyun's soft, husky voice.

“We will continue later, dulzura.”

While Argelia was checking the box office and flipping through a pile of old magazines in the office, Cora sold the tickets for the second show. She did it in a mechanical way, smiling at the customers automatically. Even though she spoke non-stop, she could only think of the passionate kiss she had shared with Baekhyun and barely paid attention to what people were saying. 

She melted at the memory, but at the same time she felt ashamed. She shouldn't have given herself to him with such abandon when he had made it clear to her that she shouldn't romanticize about them. 

As soon as the music for the show's presentation stopped, Argelia left the red car without saying a word, closing the box office behind her. Cora knew that although Argelia would be indifferent, something was bothering her and she couldn't help but believe it was related to her caravan partner, much less stop thinking about what had happened between them.

As she was about to leave the locker, the phone rang and she turned to answer it.

“Circo Gran Fele, how can I help you?” Said Cora, somewhat hesitant, it was the first time anyone had called.

“With Byun Baekhyun, please” said a male voice.

“Sorry, he's not here right now.”

“Could you tell him that I called you? You already have my number. Tell him that Dr. Kim's studio is trying to contact him.”

“I'll give him the message.” She hung up and wondered who the person was as she jotted down the message for Baekhyun. There were too many things about him that Cora didn't know and to tell the truth, he didn't seem like he was going to tell her.

She heard the music that announced the start of the show, the voices of the workers moving from one side of the room to the other, and the usual sounds as they prepared to enter the dance floor. On her way to the caravan, she heard two voices arguing.

Cora noted the tone of Baekhyun’s voice, he was furious. He looked at Argelia and then at the whip that he had curled around his fist –although the woman did not seem as scared as she was– Saturday night was payday for employees and some were already drunk, so he had the whip as a deterrent. However, it was not the workers bothering him. 

The promise that Baekhyun had made to Mael LeBlanc on his deathbed caused him to have constant confrontations with his widow. Argelia LeBlanc was his employer and she was determined to put pressure on him as much as possible. But he was determined to respect Mael's wishes. It was a compromise that didn’t satisfy either of them and it was inevitable that an open war would break out between them.

The two shared a long complicated story that stretched back to the summer when Baekhyun had convinced his parents to attend a function. But everything began to get complicated when he turned fifteen and spent the holidays traveling with the Gran Fele circus. 

The aerialists Paris, like every year, were also on tour that summer and Baekhyun fell madly in love with the queen of center court, who was twenty-one at the time. He spent nights dreaming of her elegance, her beauty, her boldness. The girls he had known so far seemed like little girls compared to the delicious and unattainable Argelia Paris. In addition to feeling a certain affinity for her because they both sought perfection in their work and a will similar to hers, Argelia also possessed an egocentric streak that her father had nurtured and that Baekhyun had never had. 

Basil Paris had made Argelia believe that she was better than the others, however, the trapeze artist also had a softer and more motherly side and, although she was very young at that time, she acted as the first consolation for the other members of the group company, scolded them when they misbehaved and advised them in love affairs.

But Basil Paris had something else in mind, although Baekhyun's circus skill wasn’t as impressive as theirs he had improved over the eight years of seasons, but in Basil's eyes it wasn’t acceptable enough to become the progenitor of the next generation of aerialists Paris and Argelia had pleased her father by falling in love with another man. 

Jealousy had eaten away at Baekhyun and he had vowed to improve in all aspects of his life from then on.

Summer came to an end, and Baekhyun was preparing to go back to school. The same day that Argelia unexpectedly entered her fiancé's caravan and found him stripping one of the tightrope walkers.

He would never forget that night, when the show ended he found the girl waiting for him.

“Come with me.” It didn’t occur to him to disobey her. Argelia led him to the edge of the compound, where they ducked into a small dark space between two caravans. Baekhyun's heart began to pound at her dark, clandestine purpose as he lost himself in the musky scent of her perfume.

The trapeze artist had looked deeply into his eyes. Without saying a single word, she opened her blouse and let it fall from her arms. He had imagined something like that hundreds of times, but fantasies hadn't prepared him to touch such a body, ever.

“Kiss me.” He had shuddered with satisfaction and humiliation. Argelia had then pressed her lips against his, offering him a long, deep kiss. Then she stepped away and turned between the caravans. It was then that he realized that her fiancé had been there the entire time, watching them. The hard, triumphant gleam in her eyes told Baekhyun that she had known it at all times and the feeling caused by that betrayal was so devastating that he couldn't breathe. She didn't care about him. She had only used him for revenge.

Argelia turned again and sealed Baekhyun's lips with a kiss. He understood that cruel display of self-love, like her, he would never let someone or something threaten what he was, no matter the price he had to pay. Despite hating her for using him as a pawn, he couldn't help but respect her for it.

Argelia spent the next few years as a leading artist in the world's great circuses and didn’t tour with the Gran Fele circus until her career began to decline. By then her father had already died and she, single and childless, had become the last Paris.

Mael welcomed her back to the Gran Fele circus and set the show around her. Furthermore, in his infrequent phone conversations with Baekhyun –who had stayed by his side– he revealed enough of him, for him to deduce that Mael had a crush on her.

Baekhyun and Argelia had reunited two summers ago, and it immediately became apparent that there had been a shift in the balance of power between them. In his early twenties, he was in the prime of his manhood and had nothing left to prove, while Argelia's best years as an artist had passed.

The fire of passion crackled between them, but this time she was the one looking for him. 

Baekhyun didn't want to hurt Mael and, at first, he ignored her insinuations. However, it soon became apparent that the circus owner was resigned to the two getting involved and, with his peculiar idiosyncrasy, was offended when Baekhyun continued to snub the woman he valued above all else. Finally, Baekhyun let her into his day to day and although he appreciated her, he didn’t love her. Not anymore.

“Why haven't you gotten married?” Baekhyun asked her one night sitting at the table in the luxurious caravan, where they were preparing to enjoy the second meal of the day.

She put a plate of food in front of him and went back to the kitchen to get hers. But she didn’t return to the table. She stood still staring at the food she had prepared.

“I guess I was much too ambitious. You already know that there are things that cannot be had. I will not marry just anyone, much less without stability. Stability and lineage. It's a good combination.” She took a bite of food and put her fork back on her plate. Then she looked closely at Baekhyun, with a provocative glint in her eyes.

“You know Mael told me years ago that I shouldn't have let you get away. I’m the last of my generation and you… can start one.”

“I have no intention of starting it. I'm sorry but you'll have to look for circus lineage elsewhere.” 

He had suspected at first that such kindness had a reason but he refused to believe that he could be used as a pawn for the second time in his life.

Their fiery relationship carried on, so lustful and peaceful that he paid no attention to the increasingly possessive way she treated him or how, little by little, she began to consider him her equal. Despite the subtle changes in Argelia's behavior, he wasn’t prepared for what happened that summer afternoon in the compound, that day she confessed to him and when she did, he realized that she wasn’t speaking genuinely. 

She was determined to change his mind with the same determination she had once used to achieve the triple jump, and it was only when he was packing to leave after his last performance at the circus that she realized that he wasn’t joking. He had never lied to her. He didn’t love her and he wasn't interested in marrying her. 

When she finally took in that sharp rejection, everything Argelia believed about herself was shattered and she went mad. It was at that moment that she did the inconceivable, which she would never forgive. It was when she begged him not to leave her. She had bowed down her pride, the thing that made her who she was.

At that moment Baekhyun could see how the supposed love that she felt for him turned into hatred. A week later, Argelia married Mael, a man almost twice her age who bore no children, and he was the only one who knew why. His rejection had hurt her to the core of her being and she could only rise from her ashes by joining someone powerful to put her on a pedestal again.

↬ author’s note: Today's chapter explains a lot why Baekhyun is so reluctant to relationships, but can Cora change his mind? tell me what you think! hope you enjoy it! as you know, any feedback is welcome ♡  (as always) thank you for your help and i love you Oliv.

[shnowbilicat]

TWAS and TWAS Generations

Both of these Stories are YEARS old, and one day I would love to polish them up again. I guess I'll have to thank an animator from way back then, who took a certain SIlver and Unknown Hedgehog's Screenshot from the Sonic X Series and made animations about him. I even made Logos for the fanfics ... yeah I was and still am a crazy fangirl X'D It kinda sparked my interest in wirtting stories and becomeing an animator myself one day X'D But anyway, let's  start, shall we? Let's begin with TWAS; or 'Together We Are Strong' as I named my first Sonic fanfic/story ever owo And compared to TWAS Generations I actually wrote it down ... in my home language, but I'm sure I can translate it no problem X'D Again, please note that this fanfic is literal years old (about 5 years) and I'm just telling you guys what I can remember/what I wrote back then. Also TWAS was written in the 'I' prespective of Socsi, just so u know.

Our Story begins with my very own Sonic OC, Socsi, flying around in the Mystic Ruins as suddenly a black creature flew up from the forest and in the direction of a town. Socsi flew after him, and as she arrived there the city was already destroyed and that black creature was about to kill Amy. Socsi saved her and Amy ran, meanwhile Ivlet, another OC, and Sonic himself ran up to her and the black creature, who introduced himself as 'Darkness'. The battle against him didn't turn out well, but before they were seriously injured Ivlet teleported Sonic and Socsi away, in safety. As the two though returned the yonly found Amy's unmoving body. Some hours after Sonic mourning over Amy and the search for Ivlet that they went back to the place Ivlet teleported them, hoping they would find him there. But, lo and behild, Darkness found them. Sonic blinded by rage ran at him, but was killed by Darkness with ease, before he attacked Socsi. She tried her best to dodge and block his attacks, but as he shot a laser at her she wasn't able to save herself ... but Sonic quickly ran infront of her, taking the hit for her. In her own rage she turned into her Dark-Form and the battle began yet again. Both parties wanted the death of the other and as they both went for their final attacks Socsi lost her consciousness. in the next Act Socsi woke up thanks to Ivlet. Darkness was nowhere to be found, but Ivi was so nice to heal her founds. It was already too late for Sonic and even his friends were enslaved by Eggman. Before they were though, Knuckles managed to give Ivlet the Chaos Emeralds. Also it seemed like Shadow and Amy started to go on some rampages too. But hurray, Amy's alive! Darkness apperiantly revived Amy and manipulated her and Shadow to work for him and Eggman. Speaking of which, after getting the Chaos Emeralds Darkness, Amy and Shadow started to attack our two Heroes; Ivlet fought against Amy and Shadow and Socsi tried to fight against Darkness, before a blue ball hit him. Hurray, Sonic is alive! (# still has 2 lifes left) Also he now had his swagger TWAS loadout with his scarf and protective googles and stuff. As Sonic took over Darkness and Socsi tried to help Ivlet with Amy and Shadow our second favorite edgelord Darkness suddenly attacked Socsi. But before he would hurt her in any way he teleported our three heroes away. Some days past and Eggman started to take over the World, while the sky turned black thanks to Darkness' power. One strange dream about someone begging Socs to defeat Darkness and her waking up to go outside later our three heroes decide to go with the final attack against Darkness and Eggman, also titel drop. Our three heroes finally went out of hiding and faced Darkness with the power of the Chaos Emeralds, which let them all turn into their Super Forms. The battle seemed easy for our heroes, Amy and Shadow were defeated easily and Darkness sucked their dark energy out to give it to himself and be stronger. He fought without caring about his own life and so our heroes decided to take him out of his misery and all three shot their lasers at him, with the power of everyone who wanted them to win this battle. Darkness seemed defeated as he screamed that he would return and end all of this. He disappeared in the beam and everything seemed to be finally over. ... and this was only the first of three Story-parts of TWAS owo I'll quickly sum up the other two parts so this won't be too long X'D The other two parts are ... very cringy, to say the least X'D Part two introduces Riaka, the literal Goddess of Darkness and Queen of the Underworld. Darkness used Socsi to summon her and the final battle was, after Riaka let Socsi free, Socsi in an 'Arch-Angel'-Form against Darkness. Darkness died, but so did Socsi aaaand that was everything important to know X'D The last act of part 2 explains what exactly is up with Darkness; as Socsi died a mobian named Holy, also known as the Goddess of Light, explained to her what Darkness is, apperiantly Darkness and Holy were suppose to be the next God of Darkness and Goddess of Light, but as Humans started to hunt for them they killed Holy and Darkness hid himself away. One thousand years later Darkness woke up by some kind of unoknown force; Eggman tried to creat a Mobian, combining Sonic's, Socsi's and Ivlet's DNA and Darkness took that body to come bac from his eternal slumber and terrorize the world for taking away his loved one. The third part begins with introducing another new character; Cinos, an Anti-Sonic born by Darkness' power and Sonic's own darkness. Some talk about new Powers that were waking up in our three heroes, Socsi was send back to earth, our heroes get reunited, 20 years get past, blahblahblah, our Heroes wake up from two Mobians who are apperieantly Socsi's and Ivlet's Daughter and Sonic's and Amy's Son, who were born from their powers as they were falling asleep for 20 years, but these 20 years were only an illusion as when the two kids die reality broke appart and it was the past again. Some more filler that not even I want to read anymore later we have our heroes face against a huge, monster like creature that Darkness turned himself into to finally destroy every living being and have his revenge. But thanks to Holy and the literal combined power, as our heroes fused together to creat a being of light and kill Darkness forever. ... NOW ONTO TWAS GENERATIONS! OWO The only thing I have on TWAS Generations are some memories of plot points and pics I drew and even uploaded on DA. It begins with the fight Sonic against Eggman, like any other Sonic game there is, but Eggman suddenly got the upper hand as Sonic started to feel weird and weak. Sonic seemed defeated and fell unconscious. After some time he woke up in the far Future and even found his past counterpart ... whose legs were broken. Sonic gave Classic gives Classic a piggyback ride the whole adventure and one after another found his friends' future selves, who tld him what happened. Eggman managed to take over the world and force Sonic to work for him, or Eggman would kill Sonic's friends. It turned out that Eggman gave Future Sonic the protective googles (The scarf was a gift from Socsia and Ivlet way before TWAS Generations or TWAS happened) ... aaaand at the end Sonic killed Eggman. Also, Shadow was chained up and went insane, Knuckles lost an eye and was scarred from the battle, Tails disappeared one day and Amy ... was killed, but Eggman build a replacement, who played her role so that nobody would worry about the real Amy, even if she didn't really want to. So yeah, Future Sonic is also edgey as fuack owo ... and yeah I know I know, these stories suck, but like I said, they are literal years old and I plan on someday reworking them. Cuz fuack the God-Thing, I can write something better than OP Gods and stuff owo Heck, I even plan on reworking TWAS Dimension's Prolouge cuz it was too focused on Socsi's perspective and I'm sure I have a better explanation how Socsi and Sonic got into the Nirvana in the first place X'D So ... I still want to redesign Darkness and give him a more baddass Story ... when is another question X'D

[magali1982]

-With all respect, Vice President.-

 The young woman daringly stood in her pod, her silvery and greenish robe floating on her slender figure. 
Around her and her delegation, hundreds of people were shouting and yelling against her motion and her sharp judgment.


She didn’t increase her voice, claiming pretentious rights; she waited to go on instead. A feral pride shone in her hazel eyes as she repeated herself.

 -With all respect, Vice President.-

 That time, the crowd felt silent instantly.

 A silent thunder of power had been crackling in the Galactic Congress; only few people could describe what happened just the second before. It seemed just two of them was there, right in the Chamber: one in a more responsive way of the second.

 The young Senator smiled a little but soon her refined facade came back on her freckled, delicate features.

 -I will not stay silent, milords and miladies. I wasn’t elected after a such bloody war to don’t report what ’s still happening in my System. I’m ready to call a vote of no confidence against the Senate’s delegates if would necessary.-

 A gloved hand rose up, followed by a husky whisper to one of his advisor. 

-Who’s that girl?- 

-The former Captain of the Ahch-To Rebellion, my Lord- he answered, flaring his nostrils to make clear his disdain for a such insolent behavior. -She was elected just one month ago and now she is in Coruscant leading a small group of insolents with a petition against the Trade Federation.-

 The tall man still seated on his throne at the center of the podium. Beside his quite stare, anger and frustration was running in his chest.

 Arrogant brat.

 -If I remember correct, I let that Rebellion to win.-

 His tone was sultry, polite. His voice was deep, feral. This was the Emperor’s voice. The voice of command, the only one capable to summon fear and respect in his subjects.

 -Ahch-To System plays an important role in the Empire’s strategies. Without that planet an its government, the Force could never exists. Without the Force, even its Dark Side, the side where our power lay, could barely survive in the Galaxy.-

 -I know, my Lord but the Trade Federation claims- - 

Emperor Kylo Ren moved his stare on his first advisor. Dark shadows clouded his brown eyes, while his hand was starting to clutch in a menacing fist. The throat of that pathetic creature sudden dried; the Emperor could felt that harsh sensation under his fingers.
 
 That was the power of his family.

 His mother had it.
 His uncle had it.

 He had it too.

 Even that sparkling flame of energy below his eyes brought the first, raw Force glimmer. 

 She was the real reason he let that far, remote Rebellion to win against the Trade’s Viceroy.

 He felt her presence for years, a churning, elusive flame lost in the starry abyss of the Core. 

 She sang with no songs during his longing meditation hours, during his training. She whispered with no certain words in his dreams, followed him to a bleak dawn of dull, constant starvation. 

 The most powerful and fearful man in the Galaxy, heir of legends, was without something so important to don’t need a name, a face, a voice.

She was in everything in his life, deep in the absence she made day by day.

 Her name burst in his mind when General Phasma, one oh his most valuable soldier, reported about the turmoil exploded in the Ahch-To System as a consequence of a beginning invasion against the pacific people on the principal planet.

 Rey.

 He saw her fight, he saw her dream, he saw her protecting a gigantic, underground tree, with a solemn grey trunk and thousands of black, tangled branches dipped in a vast, vaulted rock ceiling.

 He called her and now she was there. Beautiful, daring.

 -Let her to speak- he commanded, his eyes intent on her raised right hand. All he wanted now was touch that fingers, thrill under the warm sensation of her skin brush against his.



-But… my Lord…-

 -I said: let. her. to. speak.- 

 (Yeah, remember that part when I say “English is not my first language but blahblahblah” ?... Well. I did it again. It begun with some sketches on my notebook and it became a- moment. A Reylo moment, of course. To the trashcan and beyond!)

[oldthe-nothing-maker]

do you have a tag for where you post your ocs? can you share some snippets of the story they're from?

:O

Okay first thank you SO MUCH for asking because talking about them made me go on fucken memory lane and I kinda needed to talk about it SOI don’t have a tag for them because I don’t post about them often enough (but maybe that’ll change ?) They’re OCs I created with a friend (who doesn’t care about them anymore so I can’t talk about them to her) for a Death Note fanfic based on the mention of three orphans at the Wammy’s at the end of Another Note - X, Y, and Z.If you’re familiar with DN, basically it happened before the whole Beyond debacle, even before L came to the orphanage. We had imagined a very strict, rough, deshumanising Wammys before they got “slightly better”. If you’re not familiar with DN, there’s an orphanage in it that welcomes clever children, reaps them from their names, gives them a letter + a code name and trains them to be really good detectives. Except we thought it wasn’t good for children so. We wanted to roll with that.You can see them here : http://the-nothing-maker.tumblr.com/post/152394563395/fun-idea-draw-that-thing-you-wanted-to-draw-forand here : http://the-shame-maker.tumblr.com/post/152776095165/wow-kenneth-who-let-you-have-two-boyfriends-follow (warning this one is nsfw)Under a cut because we’re getting into details and I don’t want to bore anyone (but if you don’t read the whole thing just know you made my goddamn day and I’ll go to bed being a little happier tonight) :

So the three children are X Y and Z. They’re the best of all the children and they have to solve a fuckton of big cases. It takes a whole story for them to develop ahah but here’s a brief summary :X : real name Killian but he chose X (Kenneth) because he’s a little shit also symbolism with forbidden stuff and pornography etc. He’s an irish American but got transported to England by the recruiters of the Wammy’s at age 10. He’s… Actually really dumb, as in these posts “i can’t fucken read my dude i don’t know shit” but he’s got a really good instinct which makes him find answers “illogically” and that’s why he’s needed in the team. He’s really handsome, wears “feminine” clothes and has a lot of charisma, but is also really egoistical and self-centered. He also has a very big lack of empathy which makes him unable to form safe relationships or accept feelings (his own or others) and he feels really alone. But most of the time he’s just rude and arrogant, humiliates people, and is very childish. Think Peter Pan kind of guy, but, book Peter Pan, so not good.He hates the Wammy’s because once you’re in you can’t go out and he fiercely misses the outside world. He has this weird pale/red relationship with Z where he believes he doesn’t care about him when he actually does (and realises it when Z dies), so he’s always being rude, then being sweet, then being rude because URGH feelings also To Care Will Deprive Me Of My Freedom blahblahblah.It’s harder with Y because he couldn’t get to be his “friend” but he still wanted his attention so he did everything he could to make Y hate him. Which worked. They hate/fight each other for some years then after the trio starts to split up they’re left together for a while and they both realise they find each other really hot and really interesting because they have similar interests and they smooch. So black/red thing going on here.Y : real name Ysmaël, he got here when he was 7 but he didn’t speak English (he is Spanish) so the other children gave him the name Yogur as an insult (ofc he hated that name). He meets Z the same day and they become each others best friends/brothers/parents/kissfriend. He’s really passionate and clever and he has a wonderful memory but he’s also fat and foreign and dark-skinned so he’s the victim of everyone’s jokes. It makes him really bitter and he clings to Z as they grow up (also PTSD because he saw his parents die in front of him in a car crash so not good), BUT Z likes X ! And X hates Y ! So Y is super jealous and starts hating X as well and they fight a lot. It doesn’t help when he gets haunted by a God of Death who tells him there’s no point in life and speaks in his head and prevents him from going to sleep. He gets very bitter and sarcastic as he grows but also very handsome and he stays fat so (y)Very much like X he misses the outside world, but also wonders what would have happened to him if he didn’t meet Zephyr, so he’s not too mad (but still)Z means basically everything to him. It’s a full blown pale relationship before I knew it was a thing. He first thought he could be friends with X but X was such a little shit (and hurt him and Z countless times) so he eventually started to hate him. As they grew up he saw that X was actually really sad and alone and they started talking for real and not being dicks to each other just to feel alive and… It clicked.Z : real name Zoran, he’s one year older than the two others and got to the orphanage first. His code name is Zephyr. He always hides himself behind his hair and a thick fringe so we never see his eyes (we do at the end but plot twist he was just a normal frightened traumatised boy and had normal eyes). He’s the “perfect boy” as in, he’s very proper and clean and very, very, very clever. He’s also very quiet and almost invisible, he has no presence at all. Because there’s such a huge pressure put on him (he’s the number one of the Wammy’s so he has to Be Perfect) he tries not to care about people, but he’s shit at that so he does care, a lot. He just doesn’t know how to say it. He can appear as cold but he’s just bad at feelings. He also has narcolepsia. His story with X and the general pressure (also he saw his dad kill himself) make him very depressed. He hides it for years out of fear until he finally kills himself as they’re about to leave the orphanage, leaving the other two alone. He truly, truly hates himself, and sees death as… The only good thing that could happen to him ? So he doesn’t kill himself until he feels he’s deserved it. He was a very sad boy.Y means an awful lot to him. He took care of him when he first came but in return Y protected him and became his first friend and made him a better person and he’s so grateful for that. Pale shit all over again.X… Is complicated. Zephyr knows exactly what kind of person X is and doesn’t want to be seduced like everyone else, but he also sees the person behind the facade and eventually falls hard for him. But X being X he keeps being “oh yeah I like you you’re the only friend I have and I need you” and then “you’re disgusting I hate you I don’t want you to talk to me ever again”. So he’s never sure if he’ll like him back or not, and never tells him his feelings. Eventually Y will tell X after his death, but X will pretend not to believe him.… I’m sorry this has gotten awfully long, I’m sorry. As I said they’re coping OCs so I know them… EXTREMELY WELL. Thank you so much for giving me a reason to talk about them !! This is the best thing you could ever have done. I’m being 100% serious, this is so nice to be able to write this !! They’re very precious to me, Z especially as he dealt with depression when I was only 14 and starting to say “oh… I don’t feel too well all the time”, so, you know. In my perfect AU they all date each other and no one dies.Have an excellent day !!

[neon-serpent-llc]

Here’s to 365 days of polygonal worlds, shot point-blank at our grey matter, some catching fire, others fizzling to the void! It must be that oh-so-pointless time to give out video game awards! For the third year running I present a cheeky list of spills and chills like no other (spoiler: Overwatch wins nothing). Anyway, blahblahblah, here's the awards already:

Game I Forgot Existed Until I Looked Up "Game Releases of 2016" Award

Quantum Break

Like previous winners Watch Dogs, and Evolve, this is a shining example of a game that simply vanished after it was released. Probably took hundreds of Artists four years to make, and then *poof* gone overnight. But alas, most games do, eh? Was the TV show any good?

Best Case for Virtual Tourism Award

The Division

Say what you will about the game itself, but this lovely facsimile of NYC is killer. And super accurate. If it weren't for all the invincible, hoodie-wearing street thugs it would be a pleasure to cruise this digital remake of my favorite city.

Genius or Madness Award

Zero Time Dilemma

A game that walks the line perfectly between the two. So clever, and yet maybe too clever? The twists are ridiculous when they work and outrageous when they don’t. Even so, its sheer confidence of going eight steps beyond everyone else, narrative-wise, is so refreshing. Truly a piece of Art that only works in the video game medium. Speaking of Art...

Most Unplayable Work of Art Award

The Witness

Conceptually, The Witness is flawless. Especially once you've seen the "real" ending, that perfectly frames the point of the whole experience (I watched it on YouTube). Unfortunately, to get that real ending is a monumentally painstaking chore. But, this isn't "difficult" Art in the sense that its meaning is opaque or it’ll challenge your worldview. Its simply that I have zero patience for puzzle games. If The Witness is an encapsulation of what it means to be Johnathan Blow, then it's clear that he and I couldn't be more different. And that's why it works as Art.

Don't Want to Be the Guy That Says, "I Told You So," but.... I Told You So Award

No Man's Sky

Even with its countless features, the spiritually-similar Spore got boring fast. How, then, was this bare-bones knock-off, No Man's Sky, going to keep people interested? And that was with the assumption that it would at least look nice. However, it absolutely did not. The novelty of seeing procedurally generated ANYTHING gets old fast, and it's made far worse when you're presented with a never ending stream of ugly, barren planets made of mud and more mud. Next year’s winner: Star Citizen?

Biggest Social Phenomenon Since the Wii Award

Pokemon Go

It didn't last long, but for a month this summer, everyone was out hunting in the parks of the world. Sure, we still mostly ignored each other, but there was a touch of bizarre camaraderie knowing we were all playing the same giant meta game. Like the Wii before it, it was a game-related subject you could talk to ANYBODY about, and they'd not only know what you meant, but have an opinion on the matter. How often does that happen? How odd was it to see a fifty year old business man asking where the nearest Clefairy could be found?

Welcome to the 90s Loading Time Award

Deus Ex Mankind Divided

I think I spent more time riding the subway in this game than I have in real life.

You Don't Know Your Audience Award

Metroid Prime Federation Force

As a new Nintendo IP this would have got tons of attention. Who doesn't like crazy new Nintendo ideas? But as a Metroid game it could only possibly get bad press. Why play as Samus when you can play as more-generic-than-Master-Chief, chibi space marines instead? A top tier faux pas.

They Finally Got it Right Award

Dragonball Xenoverse 2

After decades of awkward DragonBall games, they finally hit the sweet spot for over-the-top action with fun controls and interesting content (granted, I never played the first Xenoverse). In the year of Street Fighter 5, who would have thought I'd prefer the new DragonBall fighting game?

Well Deserved Retirement Award

Dark Souls 3

Still fun despite almost no alterations in what is clearly a formula now, but I'm glad this is the last hurrah, at least for a while. As I said when Dark Souls 2 came out, the magic is less pronounced with each additional entry. None will have that Demon's Souls impact anymore. But when it returns in 5 to 10 years, it'll be nostalgic to see the old tricks in action again.

Everyone's An Asshole Award

Dishonored 2

At least that's what the talking Heart makes it seem like. Half the populace has secretly killed their husband/wife, whereas the other half have burned down orphanages or something.

Late to the Party Award

Steins;Gate

Another game I played years after release. And damn it's good. Far more novel than game, but I don't mind for a story of this quality. Why wasn't I reading this earlier? Haven't got to Steins;Gate 0 yet, but I'm working on it.

Xenogears Disk 2 Award

Final Fantasy XV

Like Metal Gear Solid V last year, another all-around excellent game that suddenly sprints to the end, jumping vast stretches of story in an instant, clashing hard with the slow burn style of storytelling established before that. Much like Xenogears of yore, this is a game that tried to be far bigger than time/budget allowed.

Honestly, I wish these overly-epic games would get chopped in two, a la Kill Bill. At the point where the story would start getting rushed, end part one. Just end it. Then let its sales fund part two, the remainder of the story. Then again, you run the risk of a Too Human situation where you announce a trilogy and then don't sell enough to finish it. But honestly, Final Fantasy and Metal Gear would handily sell enough. I’m sure they’ll make a FFXV-2, but at best it’ll attempt to reassemble the pieces of its predecessors fractured ending.

Didn't Burn the House Down Award

Uncharted 4

The writers said the ending would "burn the house down" in terms of closure. But it didn't, at all, even slightly. Uncharted 5 could EASILY be made based off this exact ending, with no retcons and no changes to the game’s formula. They'd just have to make Drake constantly say, "I'm too old for this shit!!"

It Shouldn't Work, But it Soooo Does Award

Dragon Quest Builders

I don't like Minecraft. As a professional level designer, I find Minecraft‘s game building tools too crude to enjoy using at length (what a snob, eh?). And I don't like Dragon Quest. Too much grind, not enough story. Too simple. But for some reason when you combine the two it's fucking great! Dragon Quest adds the personality, charm, and flavor Minecraft was sorely lacking while also bringing enough story and tangible goals to make the building feel like a game and not like a chore. Plus, the game’s worlds are fairly handcrafted and feature proper level/zone design, which is greatly appreciated. The surprise hit of the year.

Best Game Industry Trend of the Year

Virtual Reality

I'm glad we're all working on it seriously now. Sure, the current headsets are uncomfortable as fuck, (can’t emphasize this enough), but its a step towards sunglasses-size VR in about ten years or so. Plus, by then everyone will be over their VR sickness so we won’t have to keep watering down the experiences we create. It’ll be sweet!

Worst Game Industry Trend of the Year

Infinite Sales

Between Steam, Good Old Games, Humble Bundle, Greenman Gaming, PSN Store, etc there is always a massive, store-wide sale going on somewhere. Wait a year and any game you want will be a mere $10. Why buy an unknown indie game when you can get a supremely polished, lengthy triple-A game for the same price? Indie developers basically need to charge $1 to get anyone's attention. Or make their game free *cough* ULTRAWORLD.

Best Game Awards of the Year

Obvious

Worst Game Awards of the Year

The Game Awards

A transparently corporate affair, the winners have all be carefully selected based on what needs to sell at Xmas. Companies won't even show up if one of their high profile games doesn't get an award. Even setting those complaints aside, it's hard to get interested or excited about a 2016 award show that happens with over a month of 2016 left; when wonderful games like The Last Guardian haven’t even been released yet. Speaking of which...

Game (Experience) of the Year

The Last Guardian

There's a layer of disconnect between the player and Last Guardian. The boy, Trico, and the camera all seem to disobey the player constantly. Many marked this as a flaw, but I think it's 100% intentional and part of why the game is so cohesive, thematically. For me, there's an added sense of surrealism when things are out of control. The chaos of physics interactions seem like they shouldn't work, yet suddenly you've made it to the next section of the castle. Did you really play that last section, or merely guide the chaos? Since you’re playing as a helpless child, lost in towering labyrinthine passageways, this obtuse disconnect feels entirely appropriate.

I feel it's intentional because Fumito Ueda and his team have managed to capture this sense of surreal play for three games in a row. Everyone manages to get to the end despite the feeling of disconnect. Trico is so aloof, yet will always get you where you need to go. Eventually. If everything functioned 100% predictably, God-of-War-precise, it would be FAR less memorable...as an experience. You, like the boy, legitimately struggle to escape the castle. Who has the guts to purposely make their controls imprecise to service the game, and theme, as a whole? It's amazing. A true work of Art. Game of the Year.

Non-Game of the Year

ULTRAWORLD EXODUS

The expansion and finale to whatever the hell this thing is. I liked it, but I think I'm literally the only one.

---------------------

So that's the year, says I. Looking over my list, its clear I didn't play many indie games, even though I complained about people not buying indie games (which is bad Karma for me, but I'll live). As always, if you disagree: good. All awards are pointless, just fluff opinions with a bow on top. Your awards are as good as mine, good as the Oscars, Grammys, Emmys, etc etc forever. Til next year!

2015 Awards 2014 Awards