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eu-nicola · 14 hours ago

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the finish line part 3

part 1 part 2

summary: you are the girlfriend of Lando Norris, Max Verstappen's rival with whom the tension between the two is undeniable.

warnings: nothing

word counter: 6122

author's note: english is not my first language, penultimate part

tags: @ferakillia @bunnies-p1tst0p @maluzets55

Determined to work things out, you called Lando and asked to speak in person. Even though deep down you already knew it would be a difficult and probably painful conversation, you also knew you couldn’t keep running away from your problems. Lando agreed to meet you at the hotel cafeteria, though his tone on the phone sounded tense and distant.

As you got ready, your stomach was turning. You thought back to the pictures and messages you’d received, the missed calls Lando had made to you after being discovered, and everything that had happened between you and Max. You took a breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of thoughts. You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time, wanting to feel safe, and walked out to Lando’s hotel.

When you got to the cafeteria, you found him already waiting for you at a table in the back. He had a stiff posture, his hands folded in front of him on the table and his gaze fixed on the coffee in front of him. His eyes lifted slightly when he saw you arrive, and you noticed the mix of discomfort and guilt he was trying to hide under a calm facade.

You sat in silence, watching him carefully. After a few seconds, he broke the silence.

“Look, I don’t want… this conversation to get out of hand,” Lando began, his voice wavering. “I know you’re upset, and I’m clear on why. I just want you to know that… it wasn’t what it seemed.”

You looked at him, eyes narrowing. His words sounded forced, as if he was trying to convince himself of what he was saying. It hurt you to see him like this, so changed, so full of insecurity.

“It wasn’t what it seemed, Lando?” you asked, keeping your tone firm. “I saw the photos. Everyone has seen them.”

He frowned, clearly upset.

“You don’t have to make this any harder,” he replied in a defensive tone. “It was a mistake. I was just… I needed to distract myself.” But that doesn't change how I feel about you.

A mixture of anger and disappointment ran through you. You had expected a sincere apology, something more than excuses and empty promises. You tried to remain calm, but your words came out with the coldness of truth.

"How I feel has changed too, Lando," you said quietly. "All of this... I don't know if it makes sense."

Lando lowered his gaze, but you noticed that he still maintained that defensive air. It was clear that he wasn't fully assuming his responsibility; he didn't seem willing to face the consequences of his decisions.

"So this is it?" he asked in a bitter tone. "For a mistake? You weren't even there to support me like you always do. And what was I supposed to do?" His words sounded reproachful, as if he were trying to transfer part of the blame to you.

You bit your lip, holding back your fury. You knew it had been difficult for him not to have you around, but that didn't justify his attitude. Finally, you gathered your courage and faced the issue once and for all.

“This isn’t just about what happened, Lando. There’s something bigger going on here,” you told him firmly. “I need some time to think, to get clear on what I really want. I can’t stay in a relationship where I constantly have to worry about whether or not you’ll do the right thing when I’m gone.”

He gulped, and for a moment, you saw a flash of genuine pain in his eyes. But instead of acknowledging the problem, he chose to back away once again.

“Do what you want then,” he said, letting out a frustrated sigh and looking away. “If you need time, go ahead. I’m not going to stop you.”

Those words were confirmation of everything you had felt during this last stage of your relationship. Without further ado, you stood up, leaving one last glance at the one you had considered your partner for so long. There was a moment of silence between the two of you, and then you turned around and walked out of the coffee shop without looking back.

As you walked away, you felt a strange mix of relief and sadness. You had hoped that this conversation would bring you some sort of peace, a reconciliation, or at least a heartfelt explanation. But instead, it only confirmed what you already feared: perhaps it was time to put an end to it.

Back in your hotel room, you took a seat on the bed and looked around, trying to process everything that had happened. The room was silent, and the weight of your decision began to settle in, bringing with it a wave of conflicting emotions. You pulled out your phone and, almost without thinking, opened the message Max had sent you hours ago, wondering how your conversation with Lando had gone.

Without much hesitation, you wrote him a short reply.

You: “We just talked… and I think I need some time to sort out my feelings.”

After a few minutes, the phone vibrated. Max had replied:

Max: “Do whatever you need. Just remember that if you decide to move on, I’m here for you. You don’t have to face it alone.”

Reading his words, you felt a small spark of calm, as if the weight of everything that had happened had lightened a little. You knew that this time away would be necessary to understand what it was that you really wanted, but there was one thing clear in all of this: you needed to feel authentic again, without the shadows of a relationship that had begun to consume more than it offered.

Even though you wanted to take some time off, the last race of the year was being held in Abu Dhabi, and you had to attend. For you, the trip had a professional purpose: the promotion of Rolex. Despite having distanced yourself from Lando and having spent a few days trying to find clarity about your feelings, you knew that this race would also be the closing of an intense and emotional season.

Dressed elegantly, you wore a shiny Rolex watch that caught the light with every movement. As you walked through the paddock, you felt the gazes of some acquaintances and other members of the industry; everyone knew that you had been a constant figure in Lando's team, and now it seemed strange to see you in an independent context.

While you were fulfilling your promotional tasks, you crossed paths with Max. He wore his usual determined expression, but this time there was something different in his gaze. When he saw you, his eyes lit up slightly, as if something in him had made up his mind. You noticed that, despite the crowd, his steps were heading straight towards you, with a confidence that made your pulse race.

"Hey," he said, smiling slightly. "I didn't think I'd find you here so early. How have you been?" His tone was warm, close, something different from the previous times.

“I'm… fine, I guess” you answered, trying to sound casual, although the closeness made you feel a mix of nervousness and curiosity. “I had to be here for Rolex. You know what this sponsorship thing is like.”

He nodded, and for a moment they remained silent, watching the hustle and bustle of preparations around them.

“I know things have been complicated for you lately” Max said, with a more serious tone than usual. “And I don't want to seem nosy, but… I haven't stopped thinking about what we talked about last time.”

The sincerity in his words threw you off a little. You had tried to stay distant, focus on yourself, and not think about everything you had experienced. But there was Max, with his penetrating gaze and his usual confidence, willing to open up in a way that you hadn't seen in him until now.

“I'm not here to pressure you” he continued, looking into your eyes. “I just wanted you to know that… I’m willing to fight for you, if you just give me a chance.”

His confession resonated with you, breaking the barrier you had built up over the past few weeks. You felt like it wasn’t just a passing statement; there was a depth to his words that made you doubt everything you had tried to rationalize. Deep down, something in you had been waiting to hear this, though you refused to admit it.

“Max…” you began, not knowing exactly how to express what you felt. “I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. After everything that’s happened, I’m not sure that getting more involved is the best thing for either of us.”

He nodded, listening to each word patiently.

“I know,” he replied. “But there’s something I’ve learned this season, and that is that important opportunities aren’t always the easiest ones. I’ve been avoiding speaking clearly to you because I didn’t want to make things more complicated for you. But if I’m honest, I can’t pretend that I don’t care about you.”

The seriousness in his eyes left you speechless. He wasn’t the usual Max, arrogant and competitive; he was someone vulnerable, showing a part of him that was rarely seen. And although a part of you wanted to keep putting up barriers, another, deeper part of you was starting to give in to his words and his sincerity.

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts.

“What happened with Lando was difficult… and I don’t want you to be just a distraction, Max.” It wouldn't be fair to either of you.

He took a step closer, not invading your personal space, but enough for you to feel his presence more intensely.

"I'm not someone who'll settle for being a distraction," he said with a slight smile, but his tone was firm. "What I feel for you is real. And if you give me the chance, I'm willing to show you that I'm someone you can trust."

His words enveloped you, making you feel a warmth and security that you hadn't experienced in a long time. The hardness of the breakup with Lando was still present, but Max's presence offered you an alternative, a chance to rediscover what you really wanted and, perhaps, to be happy in a fuller sense.

After a few seconds of silence, you took a breath, letting your own emotions take control.

"I don't know what will happen after all this..." you murmured, looking at the floor for a moment before looking up and meeting his gaze. "But I think I'm willing to see where this takes us."

The smile on his face was almost imperceptible, but his eyes shone with a mix of determination and tenderness.

“Then I’ll start showing it from now on,” he said, taking your hand gently. “I don’t want you to feel pressured, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. No matter how long it takes.”

After that brief exchange with Max, he said goodbye with a wink and walked away, leaving behind a feeling of anticipation that you couldn’t shake. You watched as he walked towards the Red Bull paddock, surrounded by his team, while you stood still for a moment, trying to clear your thoughts.

You decided it was time to move as well. You walked through the paddock area, the hustle and bustle around you. Drivers, engineers and journalists came and went, all focused on their own roles.

Suddenly, you saw him. Lando was up ahead, briefly chatting with one of the McLaren mechanics. He turned slightly, and for a moment, his eyes met yours. It was an instant, there was no smile, no nod of recognition, just eye contact that spoke of everything beneath the surface. He seemed distant, almost cold, and before you could say anything, he looked away and kept walking.

You stood still, feeling a knot form in your stomach. That small gesture, or lack thereof, hit you harder than you expected. You knew Lando was in his zone of concentration, but you couldn’t ignore the growing emotional distance that seemed to exist between you since you arrived in Qatar.

You took a deep breath and forced yourself to keep walking, telling yourself that you couldn’t read too much into a simple glance. But the awkwardness remained.

As you left the paddock area you went straight to the VIP area to watch the race. The race was certainly a spectacle from the start. Max started from pole, while Lando started from second position.

From the first lap, Max took the lead, controlling the pace with ruthless precision. Behind him, Lando followed closely, pushing at every opportunity. But as the laps progressed, it became clear that Red Bull had fine-tuned their car to perfection. Max seemed untouchable.

Lando, however, was not giving up. He kept fighting, looking for every millimetre of advantage, every opportunity to close the gap. Until lap 38 came around. It all happened in the blink of an eye. In the fast corner before the main straight, Lando's car lost grip. Perhaps a miscalculation or just bad luck, but the McLaren hit the wall with a sharp impact. The yellow flag waved immediately, and your heart skipped a beat.

From your spot, your eyes were fixed on the giant screen, watching anxiously. Lando got out of the car quickly, waving his hands to indicate that he was okay, but you could see the frustration in his every move. He was furious.

As the McLaren team scrambled to pick up the remains of the car, the race continued. Max continued to dominate, and with each lap, his victory became more inevitable. Finally, he crossed the finish line in first place, securing the race win. Fireworks lit up the sky, and the Red Bull team erupted in celebrations.

When it was all over, you headed towards the McLaren paddock, where you saw him surrounded by his team, his face grim and his brow furrowed. There was no trace of the carefree smile he normally wore.

As he spoke to his engineers, you locked eyes with him for a brief second. He looked exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally. But he didn't say anything, and neither did you. Without exchanging words, you turned around and began walking towards the exit.

The day had been intense, and you needed time to process it all. You took a cab back to your hotel, watching the city lights flicker through the window as you sank into your thoughts. Lando was fine physically, and that was the most important thing.

Once in your room, you kicked off your shoes and dropped into bed. The day had been a whirlwind of emotions: worry about Lando, what you had talked about with Max, and a growing confusion within yourself. You picked up your phone and left it on the nightstand. You didn't know whether to expect a text from Lando or Max. Or maybe neither.

You sighed and closed your eyes.

You had barely laid down when the glow of your phone illuminated the darkness of the room. For a moment, you thought it might be Lando, perhaps to talk about what happened at the race, but when you saw Max’s name on the screen, your heart skipped a little.

Max: “I hope you’re okay after all the drama today. Listen, I was thinking… I’m going home to Monaco to rest before the next season. How about you come with me? It’d be great to have you here.”

The message was direct and blunt, typical of Max. You stared at the screen, your fingers trembling slightly on the keyboard. The proposal took you by surprise, but at the same time, there was a part of you that had anticipated it.

You knew that accepting that invitation would involve much more than a simple vacation. It wasn't just the getaway to Monaco, it was everything that it meant: getting away from Lando once and for all from your own doubts, and facing the growing attraction you felt for Max.

You bit your lip, thinking of all the possible consequences. But then, your fingers began to move almost of their own volition.

You: "I don't know if it's a good idea, Max. This is all complicated."

It wasn't long before he responded.

Max: “Complicated? Maybe. But sometimes the complicated is the most exciting. You don't have to decide now. Think about it. I promise it will be an unforgettable trip."

You closed your eyes, trying to calm your heartbeat. The silence of the room surrounded you, but your thoughts were chaos. You could imagine Max in his suite, confident and relaxed, waiting for your answer as if he already knew what it would be.

Several hours passed, with the conversation on hold. Finally, you found yourself typing something you didn't think would come out of you.

You: "Okay. I'll go. But only because I need a break, and Monaco sounds like a good place to clear my mind."

His reply came almost instantly.

Max: "Yeah, sure, just for that, but perfect. You won't regret it. Let me know when you get there and I'll take care of everything.”

You stared at your phone after reading those words, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. You had made a decision that could change everything, and while a part of you was scared, another couldn't wait to see what that vacation would bring.

The day of your flight to Monaco came faster than you expected. You had been tossing and turning in bed all night, thinking about what this new stage meant. Max had been clear in his invitation, and although you were hesitant at first, you couldn't help but feel excited about the trip. What started as a simple getaway to relax had turned into an opportunity to get to know a different side of Max. A side that until now you had only seen from afar.

You took an early morning flight, without looking back. As the plane flew through the sky, you immersed yourself in thoughts about everything you had left behind.

You arrived in Monaco around afternoon, and the airport was full of tourists, celebrities, and important figures. The warm, salty Mediterranean air mixed with the hustle and bustle of the people, and you could feel the vibrant energy emanating from the city streets.

You picked up your suitcase and quickly headed to the car Max had arranged for you. You knew you couldn't miss a second of this glamorous city, and you felt a little nervous. What did Max expect from you? How would all this change after a few days in his company?

The car drove through the narrow, elegant streets of Monaco, passing by the famous casinos, luxury yachts, and hills overlooking the sea. The scenery was stunning, as always, but even more impressive was what you felt when you thought of Max waiting for you.

When you arrived at Max's residence, a luxurious apartment overlooking the port, a butler greeted you with a smile and led you to the door. The suite was everything you had imagined: modern, spacious, and with a stunning view of the sea and yachts. The decor was elegant but warm, with touches of wood and soft colors. It wasn't just any place; it was a place designed for someone like him, someone accustomed to perfection.

You left your suitcase on the bed and looked at the clock. You knew Max had to be nearby. Not even ten minutes had passed when you heard the door open. You turned around and there he was, Max, with his characteristic air of confidence, but with something different in his gaze. It was as if, for a moment, everything was just for the two of them.

"Do you like the place?" he asked, approaching with a smile on his face.

“It’s… amazing,” I replied, looking around, trying to hide how nervous I felt.

Max took a step towards you, his gaze locked on yours, and although he seemed relaxed, there was something about his posture that gave away his interest. There was a spark in his eyes, something that made your heart beat a little faster. He moved even closer, and before you could react, his hands rested on your waist.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to come, but I’m glad you agreed,” he said quietly, almost as if he was reading your thoughts.

You were in the heart of Monaco, and although the surroundings were luxurious and surrounded by powerful people, all that really mattered at that moment was the silent connection you shared with Max.

“What do we do now?” you asked, the nervousness starting to dissipate a little.

“Whatever you want,” Max replied, with a mischievous smile. “But, if you ask me, I think we could start with dinner.”

Before you could say anything else, he took you by the hand and led you through the apartment, into the open kitchen.

Max’s kitchen was just as modern as the rest of the place, with white marble surfaces that reflected the warm light from the lamps. Max began pulling fresh ingredients out of the fridge, inviting you to join him without thinking twice. At first, you were hesitant, but something in his eyes invited you to stay.

“Do you know how to cook?” you asked as you watched him pull out tomatoes, basil, and olive oil.

Max smiled mischievously, a glint in his blue eyes. “I know a little. But only if you don’t mind getting your hands a little dirty.”

You laughed at the idea. “I’m not a chef, but I can try.”

And so, between laughs and small jokes, they began to prepare dinner together. Max had decided to make fresh pasta with homemade pesto, one of his favorite dishes. While he was busy with the pasta, you took care of the salad, chopping vegetables and arranging the ingredients carefully. It was a simple, but shared moment, and the dynamic between the two of you felt natural, as if you had been doing this for years.

As the preparation progressed, the distance between you disappeared. Max gently guided you, giving you instructions on how to handle the ingredients, his hands sometimes brushing yours as you passed utensils or adjusted something in the pot. The conversation flowed easily, and you realized that, without thinking about it, you felt more comfortable with him than you had ever imagined.

When the pasta was ready, Max served it elegantly on two large plates, and together you sat at the table, enjoying the view offered by the balcony as the sun began to set behind the hills. The golden light illuminated the room and reflected off the glass, creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere. The table was well set, but the conversation and proximity made everything seem much more intimate than it actually was.

“This is amazing,” you said, taking a bite of the pasta and nodding. “You surprise me.”

Max smiled, with a hint of pride. “I told you, I knew you’d appreciate it.”

The evening continued with laughter and anecdotes, talking about other things, about travel and what you liked to do in your free time. Max seemed genuinely interested in you, in your opinions, in what you thought about the small details of life. There was something so real and accessible about him at that moment, that you completely forgot the fact that, hours before, you had arrived in Monaco with a host of mixed emotions. Now, all that mattered was the present moment.

At the end of dinner, as the plates were empty and the wine glasses were slowly emptying, Max leaned slightly towards you, his gaze locked on yours. The room was quiet, the sound of the distant city, and for a second, it seemed like there were only the two of you left, sharing that space.

“You know?” he said, his voice soft, “I think this has been much better than any dinner I could have planned. I’m happy you came.”

You, without thinking too much about it, smiled and nodded. “I’m happy too. I didn’t imagine it would end like this.”

Max smiled again, and this time, the expression on his face was different. Softer, more approachable. It wasn’t just the confident, competitive Max from racing, but a version of him that seemed more vulnerable, more willing to share something more personal.

The chemistry between you was clear, and for the first time, you realized it wasn't just a superficial attraction. There was something much deeper, something you didn't know if it could be defined with words. But at that moment, there was no need. Being there, with Max, cooking, laughing, and sharing such a simple moment, was all you needed to know.

As the days passed in Monaco, the connection between you and Max became more and more evident.

Mornings were quiet, usually spent touring the city or relaxing on the terrace of his apartment while the sun slowly slipped over the horizon, tinting the sky in golden colors. Max was always around, whether it was to share a coffee in silence or to talk about what he was thinking for the next race. Often, their conversations were light, but there were times when, without warning, Max would drop a phrase or a confession that showed you a side of him you had never seen before.

One day, after lunch together, Max drove you through the mountains surrounding Monaco. As they drove along the winding roads, he began to talk, unprompted, about his life, about what it had taken to become who he was.

“My career isn’t just the podium, you know,” he said, looking out the window as the car moved down the road. “It’s everything I’ve had to leave behind: the parties, the relationships, the sacrifices… There are so many things people don’t see, so many difficult decisions.”

You looked at him with a mix of surprise and admiration. Max had never been a person who opened up easily, always so focused on his goal, so focused on winning and perfection. But now, he was speaking to you with brutal honesty, as if somehow, he had decided to share the deepest part of himself with you.

“I know,” you answered calmly, not knowing what else to say, but you looked at him with genuine understanding. “You’ve been at the center of all this since you were so young.” It’s not easy, and people often don’t understand what it entails.

Max nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the landscape as the car continued on its way.

“That’s why it’s hard to trust people sometimes, you know?” he said, his voice laced with subtle melancholy. “Everyone expects something from you, and sometimes you don’t even know if people like you for who you are, or for what you represent.”

A wave of empathy washed over you. Max had lived a life full of expectations, external pressures, pain, and it wasn’t hard to see how all of that had made him close some emotional doors. But in that moment, it seemed like you had somehow entered his inner circle. You had gotten him to open up, to share something so personal.

What surprised you the most was the way he understood you. It wasn’t just that Max listened to you; he understood you. In every conversation, in every gesture, there was something about him that seemed to sense what you felt, what you needed without you having to explain it with words. He wasn’t like Lando, who, although he had always been affectionate, had never shown that level of deep understanding. Lando had his own way of seeing things, but in his words there was never a place for your dreams or your insecurities. With Max, everything was different.

Max also began to talk about his long-term ambitions, about what he wanted outside of the race track, things that weren’t just achievements, medals or trophies. He told you about his love for family, his desire to form one.

Sometimes, you found yourself watching him as he spoke, unable to help but feel drawn not only to his appearance, but to the vulnerability he had begun to show. This was a different Max, a Max who asked for your opinion and valued what you said, and although he could be competitive and stubborn at times, there was something in his gaze that made you feel important.

And you, of course, couldn't help but share your own thoughts with him. At first, you thought it would be hard for you to open up so much to someone, but with him, everything flowed. You felt free to talk about your goals, about fashion, about your own fears, about your insecurities. Max supported you at all times, without judging or pressuring you, just giving you his unconditional support. The way he looked at you while you talked made you feel like, for the first time, someone really understood you.

That connection was getting stronger, getting more and more impossible to ignore. And you knew, even though you tried to stay rational, that something was changing between the two of you. It wasn't just the chemistry, it wasn't just the shared smiles or the jokes, it was something deeper. Max was becoming someone more than just the Formula 1 driver you admired from afar. And you... you were starting to have feelings for him.

As the days went by and you shared more moments together, from impromptu dinners to walks around the harbor, you realized that Max was showing you a side of him that few knew about, and that side was winning you over in a way you couldn't control. It was such a stark contrast to the relationship you had with Lando, because with him, everything had always been more superficial, more loaded with expectations of what a relationship should be.

With Max, things seemed more real, more natural. And even though you didn't know how he felt exactly, you couldn't help but feel that this moment you shared was something unique.

The air in Monaco felt heavier that day, as if the sun was shining brighter as you walked through the city with Max by your side, enjoying the scenery, but at the same time with a feeling of unease in your chest. Max, noticing your change in mood, looked at you with slight concern.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his voice soft, but with the clarity of someone who knew something wasn’t right.

You nodded, trying not to give too much importance to the whirlwind of thoughts forming in your head. You had been dealing with this silently for days, but now, while you were with Max, the doubts and feelings couldn’t be left behind. You decided it was time to face it, even though you didn’t know how he would react.

Just a few minutes later, your phone vibrated in your pocket, interrupting the peaceful walk. Looking at the screen, you saw Lando’s name and felt a pang in your stomach. With your pulse racing, you decided to open the message.

Lando: “I miss you. “I want to go back, I want things to be okay between us.”

A lump formed in your throat as you read the words. You knew he had been trying to reach you, that he still held out hope that things could be like they were before, but something inside you told you it was time to let him go. You knew you couldn’t keep fooling yourself, or Lando, or Max. Everyone’s paths had changed, and even though you had loved Lando at one time, everything seemed different now. The connection with Max was something you couldn’t ignore, a truth that had been growing between you and you could no longer deny it.

With shaking hands, you began typing out your reply. You didn’t want to do it over text, but at the same time, you knew it was the most direct and honest thing to do.

You: “Lando, I appreciate you so much, but we both know our lives are taking different paths. I don’t feel the same way I used to anymore. I’m spending time with Max now… things have changed, and I can’t move on with us. You know what you did and I did it to him.”

The phone stayed in your hands for a second, your heart pounding, and before you could regret it, you hit “send.” The relief was immediate, but it was also accompanied by a soft pain, like a wound that had been slowly closing, but was still bleeding.

It wasn’t even ten minutes before Lando replied to you. The tone of his text was clear: he was hurt, frustrated, and angry.

Lando: “So you’re with Max now, huh? I can’t believe it. I knew something was going on between you two, but this… This doesn’t just hurt me, it’s going to affect our image too. You’re breaking everything we built, everything we had.”

You read those words, and even though they hurt, you knew it was the right thing to do. You knew you couldn’t continue in something that no longer had a foundation, something that had worn away inside. But Lando’s words pierced you like an arrow, and in that moment, you knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Breaking up with him didn’t just mean letting go of a relationship, but also dealing with the consequences of the decisions you had made.

You took a deep breath, trying to stay calm, and with a firm voice, you answered, knowing that there could be no turning back.

You: “Don't blame me, you were the one who slept with another woman and let the paparazzi catch you. This is the best for both of us, we no longer love each other like we once did.”

As soon as you sent the message, the tension in the air increased. Max, who had been by your side all this time, watched your face with an expression that seemed to understand what had just happened, although without saying a word.

Lando quickly responded, this time with more anger and resentment.

Lando: “You're going to see what's going to happen now. You know that this relationship has given us both so much, but it seems that it means nothing to you. You've left me in the lurch, and now I'm forced to deal with the public image of all this, with everything we've built, just because of one bad decision. Don't call me ever again.”

His final message hit you harder than you expected. It was final closure, and even though deep down you knew you had done the right thing, a part of you felt the weight of the words he had just written. You couldn’t deny that things between you and Lando had changed, but the fury in his message made it clear to you that, at that moment, he couldn’t understand your decision.

Max, seeing that you were tense from the answer, put a hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “but you had no other choice. You deserve to be happy, and if that means moving on, then that’s what you have to do.”

You turned to him, grateful for his words. His understanding, his calm, was in complete contrast to the intensity of what you had just been through. Deep down in your heart you prayed that Lando wouldn’t do anything but you knew him, you knew how he got when he was angry and you were prepared to read your name and Max’s on the internet the next morning.

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waitineedaname · 2 days ago

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I'm still in bed so apologies if this is incoherent but. I was thinking about how Binghe is often watching SQQ's reactions really closely to better adapt his behavior to what SQQ wants/needs, and I can't help but wonder if that's something originating from Binghe's history of abuse. Binghe is stated to be very clever and perceptive, and I get the impression that he trained those skills on trying to track SQQ's (especially original SQQ's) moods. It's not uncommon for abused kids to become hypervigilant when it comes to the moods of the adults around them, and it would make sense if he was especially observant around original SQQ so he could avoid additional punishment brought out by SQQ's bad moods

When Shen Yuan took over, he probably had to completely adjust the way he'd been reading SQQ's moods (more evidence that he knows damn well that this is not his original shizun) and though he likely got to relax a bit after realizing SQQ was no longer going to abuse him, that habit is hard to break. SQQ definitely doesn't make it easy for him since he's often intentionally hiding how he feels, but Binghe probably got good at telling this is how he looks when he's happy, when he's tired, when he's annoyed, etc.

Which probably made the Endless Abyss betrayal even worse! He thought he'd gotten so good at understanding his shizun, but it turns out he didn't understand at all. After he escapes the Abyss, he's trying so hard to be what SQQ wants, trying so hard to figure out what he wants him to be, but unfortunately for him, SQQ is an unpredictable motherfucker who thinks emotional honesty might kill him, so Binghe has his work cut out for him when it comes to figuring out what SQQ wants! But he's nothing if not a dedicated study, which is why we see him again and again watching SQQ's reactions so carefully and adjusting like "is this what he wants? Maybe this instead?"

#svsss #luo binghe #i love bingqiu so much but i think we need to acknowledge the way binghe's abuse has affected him more often!#deep down binghe is ultimately an abused kid trying to understand #and though SY!SQQ is never going to abuse him the way the original goods did #he is still really unpredictable and either doesn't want to or CAN'T reveal why he does the things he does #because of the system's restraints or his own fears based on PIDW #but that unpredictability makes things really difficult for binghe #who just wants sqq to love him! and he wants to figure out how he needs to be so that sqq is happy with him!#ouuughhhhhh their miscommunication it hurts me

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blitzsicedcoffee · 2 days ago

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Because my life revolves around Helluva Boss right now, I decided to count the types of hellborn at the Apology Tour party from the Frames before the song.

Why? I don't really know. We could glean whether they're just Verosika's friends. We could guess that he's "been around" all the rings.

So underneath will be my inferences.

First Frame (Overhead shot):

6 succubi that aren't part of Verosika's team

3 sharks

3 hellhounds excluding Vortex

1 Baphomet

3 imps

Second Frame (Stolas still walks, sulking):

3 Hybrid imp/succubi

3 Sharks

6 succubi excluding Verosika's team

1 Imp

1 Hellhound

Third Frame (Verosika enters):

4 Succubi excluding Verosika's team

4 Imps

Fourth Frame (Blitz grabs tablecloth):

1 Unicorn? Where does she even come from??? I think she's actually a shark tbh but just looks like one.

1 Imp (dennis)

2 Succubi

Fifth Frame (Darts):

2 Baphomet

2 Succubi

1 Imp

1 Hellhound

Sixth Frame (Burning the off brand Blitz merch):

1 Baphomet

2 Succubi

1 Imp

Inferences:

One thing that is staunchly lacking is anyone from Envy. Now, besides Glitz and Glam and Ronaldo, Viv and team have been very cryptic about the ring of Envy. Which makes me think they have some sort of plot plan for it.

OR everyone's hunch that it's just completely underwater is right and it would make sense that Blitz doesn't fuck anyone there cause he can't go there.

Another thing to notice is that there are a LOT of succubi. I'm sure people have talked about it before. But either these are sex workers who caught feelings, or he dated a lot of Verosika's friends before they dated. OR, they're just all Verosika's friends which she invited.

There are a lot more Hellhounds and Baphomets than I expected. Not many, but more than I thought. Maybe he hooked up with the Baphomets when he was visiting Sloth to visit Barb in Rehab? Not sure why else he'd be in that ring. As we know that Loona's appointments are far and few between. And seeing his sister who doesn't wanna see him would definitely give him something pent up that he'd want to stress release.

I don't know what to make of the Hellhounds part. If anyone has ideas, lemme know.

The last thing I noticed most is that the party isn't actually that full. There's a LOT of repeated people. And a lot of people in relationships of their own already which, why would you be still coming to this if you were in a new relationship?

Either you really wanna go to a Verosika party. Or your partner is not an ex of Blitz.

Anyway, feel free to add on. It was fun counting them all and seeing all the character designs again lol.

#helluva boss #blitzø #helluva boss blitzo #blitz #stolitz #stolas #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss stolitz #helluva stolitz #helluva boss verosika #verosika helluva boss #apology tour #helluva boss apology tour #helluva boss analysis #helluva boss theory #helluva boss spoilers

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benevolentcalamity · 19 hours ago

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Once a Father, Never a Daddy [Abusive!Doflamingo & Fem!Child!Reader][1/2]

I do not know him enough so I'm not at all confident in my ability to write him, so I apologize in advance. So I'm very happy accepting criticism/tips. (I'm just after Thriller Bark btw.)

Disclaimer: This fic contains graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect and may be considered triggering. Please do not read more if you cannot handle these themes. If you or a loved one has gone through this, you're absolutely not alone, and help/better days are always there.

Also, this is split in two because when you get fics too long, Tumblr just starts lagging and that REALLY annoys me. So I apologize in advance if pacing's not as stellar as most of my stuff. I'll make it up to you.

CURTAINS!

"DADDY, LET ME OUT!!!"

Your little hands bang on the impossibly still door until the skin splits on your knuckles. With all your might you scratch, slap, and pound on the wood, feeling it press a little stronger against you with your resistance. Tears pouring down your cheeks your hair stands on end as the darkness behind you settles in; a punishment you know too well.

"PLEASE DADDY, I'M SORRY!" You scream, hands already raw from struggle. "DADDY, PLEASE, LET ME OUT! I WON'T DO IT AGAIN, I PROMISE!"

A harsh pound that rattles the door, resounding through your room, sends a piercing chill through your stomach and sends you to the floor. Scooting back and hurrying to your feet, you prepare for the doorknob to twist, for him to come barging in and demand you not make any more noise. But this is enough to scare you into silence - and he seems to know that now.

Softly you sniffle, reaching out as the all-too-familiar sound of the knob being secured and locked clicks. Wiping away your tears you stand, reaching and just barely wrapping your hand around it. With all your might you grab and attempt to twist; it doesn't budge an inch.

"... Please let me out..."

There's a sound like feet retreating from the door, and the loneliness finally hits as you back up, defeat weighing your shoulders. Slinking away, you turn back towards your room. First thing to catch your attention is your nightstand, bereft of the lamp Uncle Rossi gave you to cut through the dark. It had a smell to it, somehow, and you really liked it.

Without it you can't stand the dark - and as punishment for not doing what daddy said, it's gone. Wiping a stray tear from your cheek you grab your stuffed lamb Cuppy, putting him on the bed before pitter-pattering to your wardrobe.

creak

Your eyes shoot to the door, back stiffening as your hair stands on end. Every limb freezes, and your heart leaps into your throat. Swallowing, your hands go up to prepare to shield your head, lest your noise have bothered anyone. As your fingers chill to the bone, your knees lock and the darkness creeps back into your senses.

The doorknob twitches. Your hands fly to your mouth to keep from shrieking. Tears revived and leaking, you await on bated breath... It does make daddy especially angry, after all, when you try to hide from him.

You still have the scar on your arm.

A lump forms and engorges, threatening to choke you if you don't make a sound. You learned better from screaming "Go away" or "I hate you", so that's simply not an option. Gritting your teeth you step more into the open, hoping that an effort not to hide would let you get your lamp back. Hiding, running away... all of it is pointless.

After an eternity it jimmies and then turns after a few small clicks, and a familiar black and red lit up by the hallway relaxes you into relieved elation.

"Uncle Rossi-!" You whisper-yell, him putting a finger to his lips and looking behind him.

With quick movements he beckons you forward, and you rush to him in the time it takes to put a plate full of food on the small chair near the door. Kneeling down he pats your cheek and kisses your forehead, giving you a toothy, reassuring grin.

"Don't forget to eat out the window, and drop it once you're done. It's okay, dad won't notice one plate being missing," He whispers, ruffling your hair. "I'm not letting you go to bed hungry." He's done this every time. "... It's going to be okay, little cutie. I promise."

You nod. "... Does daddy still love me?"

For a moment he's quiet. His expression falls solemn, head lifting to look over his shoulder again. With a sigh, his hand ruffles your hair one more time, before suddenly he smiles again.

"I love you!" He chirps. The words wrap around your heart, like a soft fleece blanket, and like a charm, your sorrow is calmed, and your tears finally stop. "Don't forget that, okay? Uncle Rossi loves you."

Nodding, you finally manage to smile. "I love you too, Uncle Rossi."

His head snaps up again, and he pats your head and hurries out. The doorknob again is secured, and his feet fade out quickly. Swallowing, you grab the plate, carefully bringing it to the window. Unlatching it you crouch as the panes swing over your head, setting the plate of food - bouillabaisse - on the ledge and chowing down.

The moonlight peers out from the clouds like your only friend, and peace returns again to your heart.

"... It'll be different tomorrow..." You tremble. "I won't be bad again, I promise..."

Finishing with urgency, you drop the plate and fork into the sea, pushing the window closed and locked. Crawling into bed, you listen to the footsteps above your room, to the sea calming outside. Yawning, you drift into the now placated shadows, hugging Cuppy close to your heart.

___

A sound like something dropping to the ground above you wakes you with a start. Swallowing harshly you're quick to climb out of bed, little time to spare, and wipe your mouth as you rush to your wardrobe. You're just quick enough to grab one of your favorite cotton shirts, a pair of shorts, and a clean pair of underwear as the doorknob is unbound and unlocked.

You swallow, harshly, rushing towards the center again as dad's blond hair peeks atop the door. As he straightens back up, his head doesn't need to look long to find you. Feet planting in place, you watch, hands clenched to keep from shaking and lip wobbling, as he approaches.

"Behave, maggot," He hisses, holding his hand out.

Eyebrow quirked at you managing not to flinch, he impatiently taps his foot as you reach up to it. Harshly he grabs it, yanking you forward. His large pace forces you into a jog, matching his pace with every third step. At first you're staring up at him, waiting for him to even turn his head your way, to ask how you slept, or even just what you want for breakfast. Or maybe, just maybe, that he loves you and today it'll be different. Better, even.

None of this happens. Your bottom lip wobbles as the familiar doors to the bathroom appear past the corner.

"Take a damn bath." He shoves you to another crewmate, not even giving you a glance. "Watch it, keep it away from me."

Your hand reaches for him as you're guided into the bathroom. "Daddy?" Without a glance or gesture, your lip wobbles further, heart tying in knots. "DADDY!"

A dark cloud weighs on your shoulders again, guiding you to the bathtub as said crewmate puts some soap beside it and a towel. Patting your head in pity, he kneels down to murmur in your ear.

"Disobedient children aren't rewarded." The words are an icy dagger in your stomach. "... If you want your daddy to love you, maybe you should be a good child that deserves to be loved."

With that you're left alone, breath hitched in your throat as your heart runs cold. Staring at your reflection in the water, you cast aside your dirty clothes, stepping into it and sitting. The lukewarm water manages to chill you to the bone, to where you need to hug your knees to feel warm. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you glance at the door, waiting... and waiting...

You sigh, pinching your nose and turning sideways to completely submerge. Curling up, your [h/c] hair waves out in tendrils as your legs minutely twitch in unease. As your lungs slowly grow sore, you momentarily wonder if it's even possible to be good... What did you do? Why won't dad look your way?

Sitting back up, you gulp down air as the answer to your question comes from the red syrup of your shampoo.

"... Just do what daddy says?" Would that make him happy? Will he love you? Do what he says without complaining... Yea, it's as simple as that, isn't it? "... I'll be a good girl. I won't complain about daddy's work."

Yea. It's as simple as that.

Rinsing your head clean, you comb the conditioner from your hair under the running water. Reaching you grab the towel and brush, drying off and putting yourself together, painstaking as the process of brushing your hair is. All the same you finish, tying it back. Sliding back into your shoes you jump up onto the knob, it turning in your hold, and let the door swing open, taking you with it. Lowering back onto your feet, you turn-

"Get your ass to the poop deck." You're shoved into a pace, which you continue with a nod. "Captain's orders, help out with scrubbin' if you want breakfast."

"I understand."

It's unbearably hot.

Dunking your brush in the cold, soapy water, you wince at the glare of the sun on the sea, washing away dirt and scum. It takes a few swipes, being as small as you are, but you manage. It's a process that sees you biting your lip so hard in concentration that it bleeds, but you do your best, scrub until your arms are sore, and repeat.

"-and as I was saying, Rosinante, it's complete bullshit."

Dad's voice makes you perk up, and you turn a bit to see where he's coming from. A big smile is what you present as he and Uncle Rossi ascend from below deck, waiting for him to look your way. Dad doesn't but Uncle Rossi gives you a massive smile and thumbs up before dad jabs him, regaining his attention.

"We've had issues with this same supplier awhile now. The frequency of our visits is starting to annoy me."

Standing up from scrubbing, you take a deep breath. Pittering over to him you find his leg, swallowing. Rearing, you take a small leap, wrapping your arms around it like a peach tree.

"Daddy~!" You let out, hugging him tightly-

A harsh kick to your stomach, sending you all the way back to your bucket and straight onto your ass.

...

... Oh.

I'm not doing enough... You turn back to the bucket and brush, biting back tears. Just keep going... Do your best. Daddy will love you if you do.

All the same, your tears keep falling onto your hard work.

A hand on your head, ruffling your hair, tugs you from your sorrow. Looking up, Uncle Rossi crouches down beside you, pointing at your bucket. Now it's too cloudy and dirty to clean efficiently. Managing a nod, you wipe your tears with your arm, standing up and dumping the bucket.

Keeping a tight hold on it, you pause just as you're at dad's side, gaze turning from below deck to him.

"... Do you love me?" You ask.

Not even a glance. You raise up on your tippy-toes, tilting your head.

"Daddy?" You ask again. "Do you love me?"

Lowering, you wait, staring and waiting for what... really has to be forever. Before long though tears blur your vision, and you bite back a sniff as you rush below deck. Not good enough - you're just not good enough yet. If you work to the bone, if you're so to-the-letter it's painful, that's when he'll look your way. You just have to remember that.

Be perfect, and nothing less; push past your limits; endure and don't cry. It'll be unbearably hard, but if you manage to do all of this, dad has to love you.

It's not a long walk to where there's more water by any means. Operating the pump, that's the real test, but you manage just by jumping up onto it. It pinches down on your wrist every time it comes back down, but it doesn't hurt long. Rubbing the red marks it makes, you begin the arduous task of carrying the bucket.

Sloshing and rocking against your body, you stiffen your legs anytime you feel yourself wobble. When the water reaches and touches your chin you wince, staying still until it stops. Every maybe three steps and you're losing your grip, but still you try.

Something swipes the bottom of your feet, and your shrieks are drowned by the water pouring onto your face as you fall onto your butt. Bucket landing perfectly onto your head to hide your face, the cruel laughter of passing crewmates resounds through the rotting wood.

"Better mop that up, kid! You made that mess!"

For a moment you're stuck, legs too heavy to move. You try to move your arms, but there's no feeling. Swallowing, you try to open your mouth to complain, but the lump in your throat takes the sound before you make it. A mix of tears and water pours down your face, your jaw starting to wobble. Biting your lip harshly you force yourself back to your feet.

The bucket slides off your head, falling harshly to the floor. For a moment your gaze turns back to the steps leading above deck.

... Mop first.

Clutching your shirt tightly, your shoes squish against the floor as you go to find the mop, usually near the bathroom. Sniffling harshly, you wipe your face, shaking your head like it'll get rid of this horrible lump. Still your lips purse, and still everything hurts when the supply closet door opens. Reaching, you take the mop in your hands and take a deep breath.

Do your best...

'Watch it, keep it away from me.'

It. You.

... Get out of the way. Maybe that's what he wants.

As much as you want to go back, to try again, maybe it'll just be better to put yourself away. It'd be... a nice reprieve, maybe. And maybe they'll have something good to eat for lunch, seeing as you might not get breakfast after all. That's just what happens sometimes, after all.

You want to puke; to cry; to scream; to just run to Uncle Rossi. Everything and anything feels more like a dead end the more you think, until you've come up blank on what else to do.

"... I hate this..." You whimper, rubbing your arm as you pitter-patter back to your room. I don't know what's wrong with me...

... Someone, please...

Tears well up in your eyes.

Someone tell me what's wrong! Tell me what's bad! Please tell me, someone-!

Your pace picks up, eventually zooming past countless doors and shapes.

Just... How much longer...?

In what must have been a blink you're safe back in your room. For a second you turn back to the door, cheeks waterlogged and red, waiting for footsteps. Wanting someone to just scoop you up and hold you, tell you what's wrong with you - or that maybe nothing is... Is there?

Meandering to your window, you crack it open, and dad's voice is the first thing you hear.

"... Where's the problem?"

"What do you mean, Doflamingo sir?"

"I mean, where's the fucking maggot." Your heart feels a sharp, cold sting.

"She- it went back below deck. I can fetch it so it can keep scrubbing-"

"I didn't give it an order to do chores, I gave you an order to keep it away from me. Looks like it knows what that means. But enough about it. We're arriving to Foam Town shortly, for the supplier. Don't forget the orders."

"Get the Devil Fruit, and kill him, right?"

"Mhm. I don't take kindly to someone holding out on me. Especially when I've been so kind and generous. That won't happen again, though."

"Do you need Corazon to keep an eye on the kid?"

"Tch. It won't be an issue. Just as long as it doesn't get in the way of our business, I don't care what it gets up to... Ugh, but I'm going to hear it cry at some point today. Have someone get it some food."

"Understood, sir."

Backing up once you hear the sound of heavy footsteps, you meander to your shelf. Tugging a worn book from it - a collection of fairytales dad let you get when he looked at you - you hurry to your bed, jumping to get onto it without a hitch. Swallowing harshly you open it to a page with a family of rabbits stealing food from a mean old farmer's garden.

You like these stories, very much. But the pages are falling out, and you can't ask for a new one right now.

Just when you're absorbed enough to where the lump in your throat is gone, there's a knock at the door.

"Got your lunch, kid." That's not Uncle Rossi or dad. The door opens a crack and a bowl is haphazardly dropped on the small table. "We're landing soon. Be on your best behavior."

"... Thank you," You manage, the door slamming your reply.

Putting the book down you slide out of bed, going to receive the meal. It's a lobster risotto, dad's favorite. Tears well up again as you take the bowl back to your bed to eat and read. Dad doesn't care that you do so, you've been told, but you're still careful.

"... Foam Town. Okay." You mutter, something lighting up in your chest.

... This time, it's different.

#cw abuse #cw child abuse #anime #my writing #donquixote doflamingo #donquixote rosinante #donquixote corazon #one piece #onepiece #one piece x reader

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blushblushbear · 15 hours ago

Note

Scale, Seth and Haru husband headcanons pls?

ngl I think all 3 of these dudes would have a weird adjustment period to being husbands, though frankly I think Scale would maybe have the easiest time (well-- MAYBE Haru, but okay---)

Scale

I think the biggest change from boyfriend to husband is going to be him questioning if he should continue his assassin work

He's not going to set down his knives quickly or lightly but like----

he has a spouse now

he doesn't want them becoming a widow/widower

OR EVEN WORSE GETTING CAUGHT UP IN HIS BUSINESS??

bruh, he would DIE

I highly doubt he'd actually end up quitting but there WOULD be some changes around here

for starters--- he has a better divide between his personal and professional life

This is maybe me watching too much venture bros but I really do like the idea of Scale adopting a sort of on the clock/off the clock mentality ("That's my business-- but we're not at the office right now, ya see")

also he gets WAY more protective

your home is probably laced with all kinds of booby traps

and he DEFINITELY makes you run drills

like fire drills but instead of fire it's enemy assassins

Aside from the stuff pertaining to his career, he's actually a very sweet and loving husband

Not necessarily a 'I made a home cooked meal in my apron' every night kind of loving but more a 'I stopped by that place you like and got us dinner' type

also def kind of nerdy husband but less about magic or dnd and more about weapons and armor (though don't get it twisted, he'll get down hard on some dnd)

lots of quality time whenever he's home

lots of texts when he's away

lots of cuddles on the couch and falling asleep in each others arms

he knows your favorites and brings flowers when he's been gone for a while

you're his home <3

and frankly he's very protective of that home

Seth

okay honestly

Seth is probably the one who has to step up to being a proper husband the most

at the start he's definitely bad at this whole 'being a good husband thing'

but all it takes it you getting visibly frustrated with him a handful of times and he realizes he needs to up his game

his life is REALLY different now, but if he gets to spend it with you it's worth it

and for what it's worth he's actually really good at apologies

and also good about being sincere about them too, it's not just fluff to get him out of trouble

he's also very protective of you but he's not as 'DECLARATION OF HIS UNDYING LOVE AND PROTECTION AGAINST THE LIGHT OF THE MOON' as Scale is about everything

also is actually really good at listening to you vent/share work drama

also always offers to send your annoying co-workers to hell

you say no but the offer still stands

is only really good at barbecue and baking so anything too far past that you're gonna have to order in or cook for the night

also I don't know if he'd suggest this first but if the subject of having date night comes up he's actually really really about date night

likes to take you somewhere nice or fun or both

also will try to convince you to adopt a hellhound

this will be a forever conversation in your marriage, just letting you know now

Haru

so look

I'm not saying Haru would ever cheat on you

actually far from it

BUT I WILL SAY that going from a long ass life time of tom catting around every night to a committed long-term monogamous relationship is going to be a major life change for ANYONE

including Haru

that being said that's actually kinks you worked out early in your relationship

I do get the sense that Haru low key misses his old life a bit, but knowing you has changed him too much and he could just--- never go back ya know??

and frankly he wouldn't want to

but again that's like--- also stuff that was dealt with during boyfriend stage

actually honestly, once you're committed to each other, he legit doesn't see you as anything other than his mate

married or not his attachment is the same honestly

marriage isn't JUST a human thing but it's more of a you thing that a Haru thing

as far as he's concerned you two are as good as married already

all though who could pass up a party to show you off and celebrate your union???

so yeah-- you'll have to bring it up, but Haru is down to marry you right away

so I think with Haru, YOU'RE going to have to change your life the most due to marriage

he's kind of the leader of a whole group of people

he's not going to make you come live with them, but you ARE gonna have to at least be next door

that's gonna be the biggest marriage hurdle depending on who you are

though if push comes to shove he is willing to find a successor and run away with you

but low key please don't make him do that cause his people need him and he loves them and also he'd feel guilty about it FOREVER haha

but yeah past that married Haru is not much different from boyfriend Haru except he's a little bit more clingy/up front about pda etc cause HEY that's his SPOUSE, he's allowed

he also does REALLY LOVE calling you his spouse in front of anyone and everyone as many times as he can

#bear text #blush blush game #blush blush #bear talks #bb game #sad panda studios #Scale #Seth #Haru #scale blush blush #blush blush scale #seth blush blush #blush blush seth #haru blush blush #blush blush haru

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i-messed-up-big-time · 20 hours ago

Text

Broken Trust

Xavier x fem!Reader

Hey guys this is my first ever little drabble for the LADS boys, feel free to send in requests about what you would like to see next!

I will be coming up with a list of rules and a masterlist soon to make finding these short fics easier!

Tags: hurt/comfort, angst, reader is not MC, reader is female, swearing, fighting wanderers, violence, blood, reader gets really hurt, slight OOC Xavier (I'm trying my best to make it as accurate as possible 😭), mentions of death

Word count: 3088

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･'(ﾟ▽ﾟ)'･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

Xavier

Countless days and nights passed by slowly, the walk home is too quiet without your little rambles about your missions or the things you and Tara got up to when you were supposed to be working.

By habit, Xavier presses the floor that leads to your apartment. Shaking his head he presses the number to his floor and silently watches the door slowly open to your floor, missing the time he would spend at your apartment.

He regrets leaving you alone that day to go see MC instead. He doesn't know what came over him but it doesn't excuse him leaving you when you needed him the most.

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

It hurt, not seeing him knowing he was just a floor away from me, but what hurt even more was knowing she was on the same floor as me.

Seeing her when I'm leaving or going, the guilty look in her eyes every time she looked my way. It was all so overbearing and annoying.

I hate the way she keeps looking at me every time she sees me. It makes me feel like I'm being rude when I ignore her greetings or when I turn away every time she looks my way.

Every day feels worse without him by my side, but it hurts knowing I wasn't his first priority ever since she came into the picture, the lovable hunter with determination in her eyes that shine brighter than Xavier's evol.

What does she have that I don't? Why was she more important than me, his girlfriend?

"It pisses me off that he hasn't even tried to apologize since that day." I said to myself.

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

One week ago

Ever since that new hunter joined the Hunter Association a couple months back I've notice Xavier is barely around anymore, always off somewhere with her under the pretext of Jenna asking him to train her.

"He's supposed to be my partner and helping me out with my missions. Couldn't Jenna assign a different hunter to train MC? Why did it have to be Xavier?" I spoke to myself as I walked down the streets of Linkon in search of something to eat.

I found a nice place with some yummy looking pastries that looked to die for, but before I could even look at the menu my hunter watch beeped with notifications of a mission.

With a heavy sigh I left the little shop and headed to where my mission was located. Luckily Xavier would be joining me on this mission.

It's been a while since we've been on a mission together. I think to myself as I smile.

Who knew I'd would be so wrong.

"It's been two hours why isn't Xavier here yet?!" I say to myself as slash another wanderer. It was getting increasingly harder to keep up with the hoard of wanderers that just kept spawning out of nowhere.

"Fuck! Xavier when I get my hands on you I swear to god!" I yelled out.

I tried contacting him again and it just kept ringing until it went to voicemail again, and in that fleeting moment of distraction I failed to notice the wanderer behind me until it was too late.

The pain was paralyzing, I felt the wanderer remove its weapon from and go in for another attack. Only this time it never connected.

I heard a sharp ringing in my ear as my vision started to go blurry from the blood loss. I heard voices and the sound of footsteps before I collided with ground which sent a searing pain through my head as I passed out.

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

At the hospital

Beep..... beep..... beep.....

I flinched at the noise as I started to regain my senses, and that's when the pain hit me tenfold. I groaned while clutching my head,

"Ugh it hurts so much." I cried out.

"I would assume as much considering you were very gravely injured." A familiar calm and cool voice spoke up. I looked to the side to see Zayne standing next to me with a clipboard in hand.

"You woke up right on time, let me ask you a few questions about how you're feeling." He looked down at his clipboard and started asking his questions one by one, diligently noting down everything I said.

"Unfortunately the wound will take a few weeks to heal up completely, I've written a note for your superiors requesting that you be put on leave until you are fully recovered, and I won't take no as an answer." He said as he narrowed his gaze at me noticing my mouth open to refute.

I slouched back into the hospital bed. "Ok I get it" I spoke in a voice that sounded like a toddler who just got scolded for eating dessert before dinner.

"Good, I'm glad we came to this agreement. Do you have anyone to come pick you up or do you need a ride back home?" Zayne asked. I silently shook my head no.

"Wait for me to finish your discharge papers and then I'll take you home." He spoke in that calm and comforting voice he has when he notices something is wrong with me.

I guess nothing can get past this childhood friend of mine, he knows me too well.

"Thank you Zayne, I really appreciate it." He hummed out a response and then left.

That's when everything that happened came crashing down on me.

Xavier left me alone, how could he?

The thought caused my eyes to start welling up with tears, the reality of the situation making my heart feel heavy.

Zayne came by and helped me get into his car and drove me home. The ride to my place was silent, I could tell Zayne wanted to ask me questions but seeing my face he kept it to himself knowing that the questions would only cause more pain.

"Thank you again Zayne, I know I can always trust you." I smiled at him as I got out of his car.

"I'll always be there for you, I'm only a call away if you need anything." Zayne said with a ghost of a smile. He helped me to my apartment and stood next to me as I tried to unlock the door.

I hope I don't see Xavier or MC anytime soon. I don't want to deal with either of them.

Speak of the devil and he appears, the elevators open to reveal MC and Xavier with smiles on their faces and what looked like plushies in their hands. Xavier noticed me and his face dropped in concern over my condition.

Luck was on my side as the door opened and I quickly got inside bidding Zayne farewell and expressing my gratitude for his help once again.

I locked the door and quickly made my way to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

Not even a minute later I heard my phone going off with calls from Xavier. I ignored them and moved to the bathroom to wash up before getting into bed.

Under the warm water of the shower I let my tears flow and sobbed my heart out, the pain from the wounds, the pain from Xavier leaving me to go to a claw machine arcade with MC.

I risked my life to fight those wanderers and he was out having fun? I can't do this anymore, I can't keep trying to act like everything is fine.

Today was my last straw, as I got out of the shower I sent Xavier a quick message,

Me: Xavier, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be a second option and I don't want to be left in a situation where my partner can't do their job.

You left me to deal with the mission myself, I don't want to hear from you again.

We're done.

I shut my phone off and slid into bed.

It's gonna be a long few weeks of recovery.

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

Xavier

I messed up.

That's all Xavier could think of when he saw the condition you were in. He doesn't know what came over him, but whenever he's with MC it feels like something has taken over him.

"Do you want me to leave Xavier?" He came to his senses when he heard MC's voice next to him.

"Yes I think that would be for the best." Xavier gave her a curt reply and turned towards your door, unlocking the door and getting inside. He made his way to your bedroom only to find the door unlocked, he was about to knock when he heard your sobs.

They were full of pain and it hurt him to know he was the reason for those painful sounds coming from you.

He silently turned away and decided it was best to let you have your space and come to you later.

As he made his way upstairs he decided to check his phone.

10 missed calls from you

3 missed calls from the Hunter Association

Shit

He cursed at himself for missing all of these calls.

What am I gonna do to make it up to her?

He thought to himself.

Its as if the gods above heard him and decided to send him his punishment right away.

He heard the familiar ping of a text message, knowing that tone was the one he set for you.

Y/N: Xavier, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be a second option and I don't want to be left in a situation where my partner can't do their job.

You left me to deal with the mission myself, I don't want to hear from you again.

We're done.

The silence in the house was deafening, you could almost hear his heart shatter.

Please no. Please don't let this be true.

Xavier started to panic, the weight of everything crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. He went back down to your apartment, letting himself in and knocking on the door of your bedroom, unaware of the fact that you were fast asleep due to the pain.

"Please Y/N, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me and I know that's not an excuse. Please just let me explain myself." Xavier begged.

His back slid against the door as he sat on the floor, "I'm so sorry." Tears welled up in his eyes but he refused to let them drop. Time passed by and soon Xavier fell asleep in front of your door, waiting in hopes that you would open the door and talk to him.

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

The next morning you noticed him sprawled out on the floor in front of your bedroom door. Not having any energy to deal with him, I stepped over him and slowly made my way to the kitchen to get something to eat so that I could take my medication.

"Y/N?" I heard Xavier's worried voice behind

I ignored him and continued to look for some food in my fridge. I ended up making the wrong move and let out a loud shriek of pain. groaning I held my stomach feeling the bandages get a little wet.

Xavier took a step forward to try and help but I held up a hand to stop him. "I don't need your help, you had your chance and made your choice. Please just leave me alone."

I saw his face drop in guilt, it hurt me to see him like that but not as much as the pain in my abdomen and heart.

"I'm sorry, please just let me take care of you." Xavier spoke in that soft tone, the one that I loved to hear the most when he would take care of me whenever I was injured.

"No. Leave, right now." I spat out through gritted teeth, the pain becoming a little more unbearable.

He resigned himself to listen and made his way to the front door, but before leaving he said, "I'll make it up to you, please just give me some time to make things right." With that he left me to ponder over his words in the silent apartment.

･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･･゜ﾟ･:.｡..｡.:･''･:.｡. .｡.:･゜ﾟ･

Present

This past week has been nothing but exhausting pain and constant crying.

I took a look at myself in the mirror on my way to my steaming bath.

Oh god, I look horrendous!

The bags under my eyes were dark, my skin looked so dull and my eyes looked puffy and red.

Determined to give myself a well deserved self-care day I started on getting washed up before applying some skin care before relaxing in the bath.

After some time I got out and dried myself down, wearing the fresh pair of PJ's that I had set out earlier on my bed, but before I could get back into bed the doorbell went off.

Groaning, I sluggishly made my way to the front door. When I opened it I was greeted with a face full of my favourite flowers.

What the hell?

Just as I was about to say something I saw the familiar mop of grey-brown hair pop up from behind the flowers. Sad and guilty filled blue eyes staring back at me.

Irritated I moved to close the door when his hand reached out to hold it in place.

"Please wait!" Xavier exclaimed, I don't think I have it in me to face him. This past week I've been fighting myself about dating Xavier again.

He was my best friend before he was my boyfriend, I miss my best friend.

With a small sigh I moved away from the entrance, giving him some space to come in.

I'll hear him out. I know deep down I want to make it work, but I'm not gonna tell him that.

I close the door and made my way to the couch, my movement being a little less restricted than before but there's still that constant dull ache of pain.

Xavier set the flowers down on a nearby table and was on his knees in front of me taking a hold of my hands. He gently ran his thumbs over my knuckles before speaking up.

"I don't want to give you excuses, but I mean it when I say I don't know what came over me and why I ignored all those calls or why I have been pushing you away and spending more time with MC."

Upon closer look I could see the bags under his eyes and the tiredness that he tried to hide but failed to do so.

It looks like he hasn't been sleeping at all.

He dropped his head down and I noticed the slight shake in his shoulders,

"I don't know what I would have done if I lost you because of my foolishness."

It was then I felt the tear drops on my lap, my resolve breaking as my heart couldn't bear to see him so broken.

I cupped his face and turned his face to look at me, the tears running down his face and the guilt in his eyes even more apparent than before.

"You really hurt me Xav."

His eyes widened a bit at the use of the name I had for him, he tried to look away in shame but I kept my grip firm.

"I thought I was going to die. I trusted you with my life the day you became my partner, and you broke that all for another girl."

I could see how my words affected him, and a part of me is glad that they hurt him.

Even if it's only a fraction of the pain I had to endure, I want him to understand my pain.

"I'm not going to ask you to tell me about whatever is going on between you because I don't want to get hurt."

I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes, and soon enough the tears started to drop.

"Please Y/N, I promise there's nothing between MC and I." Xavier says in a hushed voice as he reaches out to wipe away my tears.

"In this life and every other life after, my heart only belongs to you." His declaration made my heart flutter.

"I know you don't want to hear about whatever is going on with MC, but I can promise you that it was merely a distant connection from a past life, nothing more than that."

If there was one thing that I could trust, it was that the eyes are truly the window to the soul and Xavier's eyes told no lies.

I sighed and leaned back onto the couch, letting go of Xavier's face. I closed my eyes to let my brain and emotions process.

I know I shouldn't but just this time, I'll give him another chance.

I opened my eyes and looked at Xavier, patting my lap to signal him to come and lay his head in my lap.

He quickly obliged and made himself comfortable with his arms wrapped carefully around my waist, holding me as if I was just an illusion that would disappear.

I ran my fingers through his hair, the action causing his body to relax and lean into the touch.

"It'll take some time for us to get back to where we used to be. I trust you when you say that there's nothing going on between you two, but my trust in you as my partner is broken."

I spoke softly, feeling myself relax for the first time since the incident.

Xavier got up from his position and knelt beside me on the couch, gingerly taking my face into his hands.

"I promise you, I will spend every moment working on rebuilding that trust and more. You are the only light I need in this life and every life after it."

He whispered before placing a soft kiss on my lips. He then pulled back and got off the couch, lifting me up in his arms.

Surprised, I let out a squeal wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Xavier! Be careful!"

He let out a small laugh and kissed my forehead.

"Let me take care of you, to make up for the week that you've been by yourself. You deserve nothing less than the best."

I smiled up at him, reaching up give him a small peck on the cheek.

"You better be ready to be at my beck and call." I joked,

"I'd do anything for you, even if you want this world to be in ruins."

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dreamwreaver · 20 hours ago

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Thank you for the welcome from my previous ask about Vox, I've been busy and finally I could talk about my thoughts on my favorite couple and the others around them. If it's alright, I'd like to be seen as the "rambling nonnie" because I ramble on too long.

About Vaggie, I noticed a lack of her presence in the leaks, which for me, means she's gonna be put in the back seat yet again. I also feel like whatever supposedly important role she's gonna get it's gonna be tied to Charlie. Again. Like everytime.

"Vaggie's the manager of the hotel!" Oh, wow, does she have a genuine interest in redeeming sinners? "No, she does it for Charlie!"

"Vaggie has an interesting arc regarding her thirst for revenge and she should fight for love instead of fighting her detestation for her awful fellow soldiers!" Well, did that arc thoroughly develop her as a character? "No, it was pointless because she didn't really show any signs of vengeful bloodlust before that song and she was already loyal and fighting for Charlie!"

Honestly, what really strikes out to me was the fact Vaggie didn't change her mind as an exorcist because of Charlie, she made the realization herself. But even though that's the case, why was a single demon child enough to shift sides? Are we just gonna gloss over the fact she killed hundreds of sinners each year and kept that from Charlie for years? And didn't punish her or give her huge consequences for her actions?? The most the show did was just make her and Charlie have a fallout for like half of the episode, then near the end of it, the two of them make up because of a shrunken head souvenir and a conversation with Rosie who was a third party that didn't even know Vaggie???

While Alastor and Vaggie were no different when it came to being murderers, at least Alastor didn't keep it a secret and he suffered the consequences of his actions anyway. What makes Vaggie better than him, really? That she didn't have a choice in it? That she didn't enjoy it? True, but keep in mind she most likely had a higher kill count than Alastor and those sinners will never have the chance to redeem themselves and she has never fully apologized for her actions to the princess of those people and likely never will. After all, her very kindhearted girlfriend forgave her, right? Without even having a long, hard conversation onscreen, right? And that's good enough for most of the fandom.

Allow me the indulgence of a rambley the raccoon gif for you nonny

And vaggie, I feel like she was flattened from pilot to series in a big way. Right down to her design. Like she went from having stripes and x's as a motif to just red and black. Wow, so different. It looks like a uniform. Charlie wearing a red suit makes sense since she wants to be taken seriously and we see in her battle outfit that she wears red so red could just be a favorite color of hers, or the color of the royal family given the apple is the fruit of knowledge they're going with here.

Alastor, well he probably didn't have much input on his design and color scheme. The suit is 30s based so I'm not surprised at the style, one of the older comics shows him sporting a straw boater which he then tosses to a group of cannibal ladies to watch them tear each other apart over it. He enjoys the attention but doesn't get much out of it. But vaggie?

The most insight we get into her character is likely her nightgown and her own battle outfit. But the nightgown is a reference to her heavenly origins and the battle outfit is clearly a Carmilla carmine design. And the soft femme angle could work if they didn't make her the straight man to all the other characters. And in a cast like this she's not the voice of reason so much as the stick in the mud. Half of the conflicts in the show are summed up as:

Vaggie: Charlie no!

Charlie: Charlie yes!

Usually with Alastor indulging her. And when things blow up in her face there's no moment of vaggie even getting an "I told you so" of ANY kind! And let's be real, I'm sure that Charlie loves vaggie, but I'm not 100% sold on Vaggie TRULY loving Charlie. I definitely think she BELIEVES she loves Charlie, but this is a white knight/savior complex. Charlie saved her when vaggie had nothing, therefore vaggie must protect Charlie to be worthy of being her partner. Vaggie was not ready to be in a relationship after being abandoned in Hell. Let's be real, there's a bit of prejudice to Vaggie's relationship. Isn't it nice that the person the fallen Angel is in a relationship with is of royal blood? She's half angel. Lilith was a full demon when Charlie was born, the only human thing Charlie likely inherited from her mother was her soul. I fully believe that Charlie would and has dated sinners. Would Vaggie? I highly doubt it. She can claim she "believes" in Charlie's idea and vision all she likes, like Rosie said; words are cheap, actions are not.

What about Vaggie's actions show us the audience her love for Charlie? The one instance I can think of off the top of my head is the commercial. That's the ONE time she takes initiative on her own to try and lighten Charlie's workload. The meeting with her father? Yeah she suggested it I guess but the thing about that was that Charlie knows her relationship with her father better than Vaggie does. And, to add, Charlie DOES NOT WANT parental aid in this. She wants to do it on her own. Charlie is both very ignorant and very aware of the privilege of her position. No one respects the royal family sure but she could still crush any sinner she wanted to with a flick of her wrist. And then after that? Vaggie tried to get out of going to heaven, vaggie didn't even attempt to nip the threat of Adam revealing her secret before the meeting, left Charlie open to Alastor's hands by giving her space, and then proceeded to scold her after let me remind you; SHE MADE A DEAL WITH ALASTOR IN EPISODE 1!

Vaggie has absolutely no right to admonish Charlie for making the deal that could save her people when she gladly made a deal with the radio demon just to get a commercial made.

And I know this seems like I hate vaggie as a character but I don't! I wouldn't even mind Chaggie being end game canon and us knowing that from the start so long as it meant we got to SEE their relationship evolve. But Vaggie as a character is inseparable from title of "Charlie's gf" that's it. And the out for love song, it's a banger no doubt about that but seriously?

When did we see Vaggie ever desiring revenge? Her seeing one child during an extermination made such a change in her that she was mortally wounded and left for dead. And she just... moved on? Okay cool. She doesn't hate the exterminations, she's not vehemently trying to stop them AND get the hotel up and running. She's fine hitting the streets to try and get patrons but that's about it. Maybe if we had a b plot of vaggie sneaking away for turf war carnage or being a sort of pentagram city vigilante I would understand the vengeance thing since at least we'd have seen her capacity for violence in action. But nope!

And I cannot tell you how much that stupid keychain frustrates me. Because it's symbolic of what doesn't work about chaggie as it stands. They DONT talk things out. Again, shenanigans are vaggie trying to tell Charlie to change something fundamental about herself or that some idea she has isn't practical, Charlie ignores Vaggie, chaos ensues and then... nothing. The fact that we saw Charlie apologize to angel dust for overstepping his boundaries before we ever saw anything between Charlie and Vaggie and their issue being SO MUCH BIGGER is so incredibly irritating to me. And here's the thing; both of them are valid. Vaggie had every right to keep a secret like that out of fear of being rejected by Charlie, and Charlie has every right to be upset by the fact that this person she's ostensibly shared her life, her heart, and her body with could keep something like this from her. Charlie's entire personality means she gives every part of herself to her partner, and for someone like Vaggie it's just not a healthy dynamic for either of them.

And Rosie, my sweet sadistic darling; you know nothing about Vaggie. Don't speak on her behalf. Yes, it can be hard to admit to something that would hurt someone you care about. But being the reason for countless mortal souls being destroyed? When your partner cares so deeply for her people? That's not something I really feel a romantic relationship should be able to survive. At least it shouldn't be resolved by the appearance of Vaggie's wings and a fucking keychain.

One piece of life advice I have heard that seems applicable here is always examine your thoughts. The first thought you have is what you're programmed to think, the second thought is what you actually feel? When Rosie asked Charlie if doubted whether Vaggie loved her she went "No, yes? No!" And that last one sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of it than she was really thinking through her feelings. Charlie sees the good in everyone, so Rosie's advice isn't super useful because of Charlie's own optimistic personality. Meanwhile Carmilla's advice to vaggie is just, not applicable at all. Everything she has done up to that point has been out of what she considers "love" for Charlie. Also... are we not going to talk about that line "fuel yourself with the fear of losing that someone who's your reason to live"?

Charlie would survive just fine without Vaggie. I cannot say the same about the reverse. There is this sort energy between them that just brings out the parts of them that on a straight couple would be red flags all around but get a pass because gay.

Charlie constantly ignores Vaggie's practical advice? Girl dump him he doesn't value you!

Vaggie as a male consistently tries to tell Charlie not to be herself. To change things about her to make her more palatable to a population that only respects brute shows of power and doesn't give a flying fuck about her? Girl dump him he shouldn't be trying to change you!

And I'll be real, a huge draw for a lot of Charlastor shippers is the "I can fix him/I can make her worse" angle. But here's the thing, both Alastor and Charlie enter that dynamic knowing exactly what the other's about. There's no pretensions or illusions. Charlie knows he's a dangerous overlord and a Dealmaker. Alastor knows she's got plenty of exploitable issues that he can take advantage of but the core of her convictions is entirely solid. Charlie making him better isn't the sort of redemption of him being charitable. It's the "oh fuck I have empathy now and I don't like it" kind.

I just don't see enough compromise in the personalities of Charlie or Vaggie that explain to me why they would stay together after the revelation? I don't see why Charlie would want to stay with someone who willingly slaughtered thousands of souls and never had a problem with it before. Nor has she demonstrated a change of heart regarding sinners and their ability to change. She cares about people achieving redemption because of how it will affect Charlie, not because she gives a shit about what happens to these sinners.

I am fairly certain I drifted from your ask entirely but I hope you enjoyed this ramble Nonny.

#charlastor #radiobelle #hazbin hotel #dream replies

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stressfulsloth · 1 year ago

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Thinking about Harry and all the animal parallels that follow him through the narrative. It's true that these animal parallels reflect the way that the brutality of individualist moralism strips him of humanity as someone who has fallen through the safety nets, and his agonised shout of 'I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore' can be interpreted as a direct admission of the RCM's dehumanisation of him as a disabled addict who is no longer as 'useful' as he once was. Gottlieb even directly tells him '[he] lost [his] human visage a while back.' Jean calls him 'the most dangerous animal of them all'. The rabid dog that needs to be put down, the black dog (also a common metaphor for chronic mental illness!) that Mollins shoots as it licks its wounds; the scared, hurt, frightened animal lashing out, chewing off it's own leg to escape the trap that it's caught in. The wild dog is all they can see.

But then there is a flipside to these parallels too; a kindness, a gentleness, almost a freedom in Harry’s animal parallels. He's strong like a 'goddamn ox,' like a bear ('I had to kill the bear to become the bear'). He's a harrier hawk, a name given to ensure his safety, raised up to the level of the aerostatics looking down over Revachol, 'soar[ing] on the wings of [his] spirit hawk.' He's a leopard ('its impossible to know where you end and the leopard begins'), discovering or rediscovering a love of softness and sensuality that he'd not known before via the leopard print leotard that 'speaks to the animal inside [him]' and touches on his relationship with his gender ('Yes, this is the type of animal I want to be.').

He's a 'seagull', a bird that will do 'whatever it takes to survive,' a 'bird of paradise' that tells a story of 'endurance- and adaptation' ('You! You and the seagull are just alike!'). He survives, despite everything, despite the grimness of the world around him. He endures. Even the sea monster comparison is oddly kind ('You've become a sea monster -- giant, hidden and... strangely tender at heart'). Even as a monster, he's still gentle; he still has so much love for this world that has wrung every last bit out of him. As if his tenderness is such an inherent part of him that no matter what monstrous face he wears, no matter what creature is there in his shadow, he cannot help but have some trace of it at his core. His tender soul 'quivering like jello.' The pain he feels is raw and animal but so is the love he feels. So is the hope and the fear and the wonder.

#every time i read the leopard scene i go feral over it i love him #guhhhh words are difficult and this is a mush but i hope you understand what I'm trying to say #disco elysium #harry du bois #long post #again apologies if this doesn't make sense #also the sea monster line is from him trying on the blue lens glasses lmao it sounds much deeper than that but i still love it so much #tender as in his still-aching heart and the raw wound of his memory loss but also tender in his love for the world #calling himself a monster but even still he can't erase the tender parts of himself #DE rambling

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 12 days ago

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Do you think if the trolls all came back, like everything in the main comic did happen and they were alive again. Do you think Feferi would actually forgive Eridan? Or want to even be his friend after everything? I don't personally like the erisol and fefertasprite interaction…felt rushed…..so I just wanted to know your opinion if things were different! :)

Yeah, I think they would be! Feferi is one of the trolls who takes dying the least badly (relentless optimism) and Eridan does genuinely feel bad, which means a lot when it's Eridan. I think she really is genuine when she says she wants them to be friends and also that she's really not the type of person to hold a grudge, and like... death is SUPER cheap in Homestuck, it's really not the horrific, irredeemable, irreperable damage that it is IRL - and if you're talking about (Feferi) and (Eridan), then they're both dead (and irrelevent) now, so the score is kind of even.

In general, the fandom - I mean, people in general, really - tend to have difficulty divorcing themselves from other people. We tend to assume that the people and characters they like will hold similar opinions to themselves. This is how people who like Karkat and don't like Eridan can mentally gloss over or even block out their clear, close friendship, or how people who dislike Cronus can end up overlooking that Meenah actually takes his opinion seriously and unironically defends his wizard thing. Feferi really isn't mad at Eridan or upset about dying the way we probably would be, because she's friends with the horrorterrors, relentlessly cheerful, comfortable with death in general, and death is also just not really that big of a deal in this setting. "I'm really sorry about that, that was shitty of me" is honestly probably all the apology she needs, especially if they came back to life anyway.

#i dunno in general the fandom loves to blow stuff up #and make it all way way angstier than it needs to be or was even shown to be #by all accounts feferi takes dying really well #im sure shes still not STOKED to be eridan's friend again but out of all her faults #holding long unreasonable grudges isnt really one of them #(that's a kanaya thing actually)#eridan's always gonna be an annoying pest to her in large doses but i think she basically thinks of him as a friend #also eridan responds to problems overwhelmingly with Fight #so this idea that eridan will be forever mopey and angsty also doesnt ring true to his character #if anything i can see him becoming annoying again because now he won't stop fucking apologizing #like bro chill its fine already oh my god why is everyt)(ing suc)( a PRODUCTION wit)( you #because thats the last point too like #homestuck always returns to humor #hussie even says in the book commentary that homestuck is lighthearted and comedic at its core #that it keeps returning to that as a touchstone #even during its tensest moments like murderstuck theres just constant funnies and gags #so i just end up going kinda :/ when an interpretation is purely maudlin or cathartic #like its more homestuck when its funny and characters treating murder with the same gravitas as irl #not only doesnt make sense in universe where death is cheap - ESPECIALLY for trolls #but also just doesn't really feel very homestuck to me #but that is 100% personal taste so if you like that stuff by all means keep enjoying it lol #you just arent going to get uber angst from me u_u

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hopefulcanary · 2 years ago

Text

scrubbing in, with chapel and bones

idgaf if they canonically don't do this for whatever reason, we're all here for the #aesthetic

who are they about to tend to? eh, probably jim.

#leonard mccoy #christine chapel #star trek #star trek aos #sticking with the red scrubs bc it's also aesthetic #even if it doesn't make sense #my art #with apologies to fireinmywoods again #scrubs are hot #my trek art

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 8 months ago

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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg tenn #honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha #also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore #like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it #not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed #for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there #it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly #also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but #I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did #like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite #anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good #i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw #like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit #and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification #and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go #he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down #'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m #it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay #this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about #even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks #that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you

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wutheringmights · 4 months ago

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New CTB Music (2024 Update)

It's that time of year where I share some of the tracks that I added to my personal CTB playlist that have not been mentioned before on this blog (view (2021, 2022, and 2023 updates as well).

Body to Flame - Lucy Dacus

Longing for your short hair to grow back to the way you like Thank you for the gesture I regret ever implying that you could be better Didn't mean to empty your perfect body And fill it with my passing will

Hate Me - Miley Cyrus

Go ahead, you can say that I've changed Just say it to my face One drink and I'm back to that place The memories won't fade

Is It Over Now? - Taylor Swift

"Come here, " I whispered in your ear In your dream as you passed out, baby Was it over then? And is it over now?

Halloween - Noah Kahan

But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in And the bridges have long since been burned The ash of the home that I started the fire in It starts to return to the Earth I'm leavin' this town and I'm changin' my address I know that you'll come if you want It's not Halloween, but the ghost you're dressed up as Sure knows how to haunt, yeah, she knows how to haunt

Growing Sideways - Noah Kahan

But I ignore things, and I move sideways Until I forget what I felt in the first place At the end of the day I know there are worse ways To stay alive 'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy I'm terrified that I might never have met me

Orange Juice - Noah Kahan

You said my heart has changed and my soul has changed And my heart, and my heart That my life has changed, that this town had changed And you had not That the world has changed, don't you find it strange That you just went ahead and carried on?

I Remember Everything - Zach Bryan

Strained words come on out Of a grown man's mouth when his mind's broke Pictures and passin' time You only smile like that when you're drinking

Figure 8 - Paramore

All for your sake Became the very thing that I hate I lost my way Spinning in an endless figure eight

Let You Down - Zach Bryan & Kacey Musgraves

I'll let you down darlin', down babe Just like I did before You'll just keep on slammin' closed hollow unlocked doors I'll let you down darlin', down babe Just like times before You'll just keep on crawin' back and beggin' me for more

No One Else to Blame - Madison Cunningham

For the burden and the stress For the heartache and the mess you entertain You put your money down on which part of you is next To slip down the drain with nothing, nowhere and no one No one else to blame

Golden Age - Ethel Cain

Do you just want my blood? Am I just that damn hard to love? 'Cause it feels like all I have is still just not enough I guess that I'll just go outside and watch the fire And fields of gold fly farther away from me

Dawns - Zach Bryan & Maggie Rogers

Give me my dawns back Everything that dies makes its way back I lost her last July in a heart attack I need one small victory

Crave - Paramore

I romanticize even the worst of times When all it took to make me cry was being alive Look up and see a reflection Of someone who never gave way to the pain What if I told 'em that now that I'm older There isn't a moment that I'd wanna change?

Your Hate Could Power a Train - Madison Cunningham

I'm not messin' around, not ready to laugh about it I don't worship the ground that's holdin' you I think it's wrong, the way you harm But no one ever looks too hard at it What does it say about you? Your hate could power a train

Head In the Wall - Ethel Cain

Sometimes you make wanna put my fucking head through the wall Sometimes I wonder if I even know you at all

thousand eyes - FKA Twigs

If I walk out the door, it starts our last goodbye If you don't pull me back, it wakes a thousand eyes

teenage dream - Olivia Rodrigo

They all say that it gets better, it gets better the more you grow Yeah, they all say that it gets better, it gets better, but what if I don't?

You First - Paramore

Everyone is a bad guy And there's no way, no way to know Who's the worst Karma's gonna come for all of us And I hope, well, I hope, I just hope She comes, comes for you first, oh

Vampire Smile - Kyla La Grange

I want a scar that looks just like you, 'Til then I gotta learn to be a wiser fool.

#if you're wondering by x noah kahan song isn't here it's because it's been mentioned before #i could have put the entire stick season album but I really had to restrain myself from adding You're Gonna Go Far Kid if only because #i view is as the ending credits song from the very last chapter. it doesn't make sense without that context #also congrats to taylor swift for somehow getting another song on the playlist #why so much zach byran? no other genre of music coneys 'i'm a little bitch and everyone and god hates me' quite like country music does #me rambling #lu ctb #linked universe #ctb music #apologies again for my basic white girl taste

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unimaginativebepisenjoyer99 · 10 months ago

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the satrinyavas

#my art #digital art #artists on tumblr #fanart #the arcana #the arcana fanart #cat au #THERE i am done with these designs #ik some look ugly but idc its unlikely ill draw these characters again (as cats anyway?)#like i hate nasrin's but ill be dammned if i try to make sense of her hairstyle in my stupid cat style again. who cares #and i hate all of these braids they beat my ass #anywayz #i always had in my head the thought to make nadi's sisters (they're all sisters right i forgor. not that it rlly changes anything BUT)#different tabby patterns so she doesn't look so out of place #so we have classic. mackerel. broken mackerel n spotted + nafizah n nasmira who r solid (tho u could argue mira is like an abby cat)#and nadi is a smoke tabby (pictured in another post)#their dad is a sokoke and i like to think their mom has a secret pattern “underneath” her white to make all of these colors (like a tortie)#do u love my half-walls of text btw. can u imagine how much more i would ramble if there wasnt a char limit in the tags?#i could say all of this shit in the actual desc but whats the fun in that #i wanted 2 apologize 4 not posting in a week but thats content creator brainrot. happy new years anyway

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lepidopteralabyrinth · 6 months ago

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Arisen & Pawn Intro (template by @arisenreborn): Andras & Tieve

♛ THE ARISEN:

NAME: Andras

AGE: 34

RACE: Human (Half-Elf)

PRONOUNS: She/Her usually. (They don’t really care, though. Any.)

PREFERRED VOCATION: Warfarer/Mystic Spearhand

FAVORED GIFTS: Practical items, oddities (monster parts, cool rocks, etc. like a crow…)

FAMILY: Estranged father and step-mother, younger half-sister.

POSITIVE TRAITS: She’s genuinely compassionate, and her coolheaded nature and pragmatism make her naturally suited to command. She tries to push others to be their best selves, and will never hesitate to fight for someone who needs her help.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Overly calculating and stubbornly independent. While she’s pretty easygoing in her casual friendships, anyone hoping for more insight into her than she’s comfortable with will find themselves swiftly rebuffed. Put simply, she likes knowing people but hates being observed in return.

LIKES: Exploring nature, quiet time to think and sketch. Learning a place’s history.

DISLIKES: Prying questions, alcohol. Wasteful and careless people (rich ones especially).

1. What was their life like before becoming Arisen?

Andras was born in Battahl, in a village near the border. She never knew her mother – though her pointed ears have given her some ideas– but her father was a relatively successful wheelwright (hey, someone's got to be repairing all those busted oxcarts). Andras was fully expected to take over the family business, but after her father remarried and her half sister was born, Andras struck out on her own as a mercenary and left for Vermund. About ten years later she was hired by the Vermundian army, and sent to Melve.

2. How do they handle being Arisen, and the responsibilities that come with it?

About the same way she's handled every other trouble in her life: deep sighs and hard work. She's had relatively little time in which she's felt safe enough to actually process anything she's gleaned since regaining most of her memory, and the dragon needs to be dealt with one way or another. If she has to do it, she has to do it.

3. What are their thoughts on Pawns in general?

While her cultural background left her with some lingering prejudice, it was summarily disproven by her first real interactions with them and she’s since developed a fierce protectiveness over the rift’s denizens.

Rook in particular left a lasting impression, and his influence is probably what led to Tieve’s magical pursuits. She admires their loyalty and capability, and while she finds her control over them disconcerting, they’ve proven many a time to be unique and wonderful individuals.

4. What's their relationship like with their main Pawn?

She adores Tieve, watching every subtle expression of newfound will with the air of a proud teacher. They have a mutual fondness for quiet contemplation, and can spend hours in companionable silence if uninterrupted.

5. Do they have any interest in being Sovran? What are their opinions on the politics of the world in general?

As much as she respects Brant, she initially found the idea of her ruling anyone too ridiculous to be worth considering. She’d have wholeheartedly advocated for Sven to be consul if that seemed to be what he wanted. But the closer that idea comes to being a reality the more she finds herself if not content with it, then at least resigned.

She has a fascination with rulers of old and political theory, but she finds the present political situation on the continent grim. She approves of Nadinia, but she’s pessimistic about her shifting her culture’s deeply ingrained beliefs anytime soon, and she’s even less hopeful about the state of beastren in Vermund with people like Disa and Allard in power.

6. Who are their love interest(s) and/or closest friends?

She’d never admit as much to anyone, but of all the wonderful people she’s met in her journey, she felt the most kinship with Raghnall. Their shared background and his directness about his loyalties (or lack thereof) clicked with her in a way others couldn’t. Andras is drawn to Wilhelmina’s drive and passion, Ulrika’s kindness and leadership skills, Menella’s strength and sense of duty, and Nadinia’s devotion to her people, but finds her own attraction to any of them too stressful to deal with. (“I'll just keep all my feelings right here *points into dragon's mouth* and then one day I'll die.”)

She finds herself wanting to mentor Sven, to encourage his curiosity and desire to exert his own will rather then be controlled by his mother. He reminds her a bit of Tieve in that respect. Really, if she didn’t have the rational understanding that it would be way too dangerous, she would’ve offered to take him along with her.

7. What drew them to their preferred vocation? Do they have history with it?

She’s always preferred polearms for their ability to control a fight. Keeping an opponent at arms length, engaging on her own terms. While she had to swap to a sword and shield out of necessity, the familiarity of the weapon and the new possibilities of magical skills drew her attention, missing memory or not. The flexibility of swapping weapons won her over to Warfarer, or she might have stayed with her duospear indefinitely.

8. Do they have any hobbies? Any way of relaxing between all that monster-slaying and traveling?

Aside from sketching, Andras is an avid knitter, and if the game would only permit it every pawn that found themselves in her service would be in possession of some handmade accessory.

♟︎ THE PAWN:

NAME: Tieve

AGE: 22 or thereabouts.

RACE: Human

PRONOUNS: She/Her

PREFERRED VOCATION: Mage

FAVORED GIFTS: Jewelry, flowers. Anything cute, really.

INCLINATION: Kindhearted

POSITIVE TRAITS: Gentle, supportive and patient beyond measure. A sweetheart through and through.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Tieve is painfully lacking in self awareness. She exists in a perpetual state of “I'm the only sensible person in the room.” and assumes it's her job to keep everyone else in line.

LIKES: Hot baths, cute animals, especially deer. Flashy spells and new experiences of all kinds.

DISLIKES: Cold weather, especially cold and wet. Dog-like enemies, especially Garm.

1. What was their life like prior to being summoned by their Arisen?

Tieve doesn’t remember much of her time drifting in the Rift before her summoning. A vague sense of anticipation, like the stillness before a rainstorm. Then a voice, familiar and strange at the same time, calling for her.

2. What is their opinion on the Arisen? How do they view their relationship?

When she first emerged from the rift, Tieve had an unchecked blind reverence for the concept of the Arisen. The one she had been waiting to serve since time immemorial. The reason for her existence. And at first nothing struck her as wrong about that impression. For all Andras’ attempts to engage her as an equal, to put her opinions and comfort first, Tieve held fast to the idea that any camaraderie between them stemmed first and foremost from their purpose in the grander stage.

Traveling with other Arisen, watching them with their own pawns, Tieve was forced to confront that her connection with Andras was more unique then a simple function of her role as adjutant and guide. Lovers, friends, family, to deny her own capacity for such relationships would be to deny that ability in these others, and it is that fact, more then anything, that persuaded her of her own feelings.

3. Is there anything about the Arisen they find troublesome? Be it a small quirk or bad habit? (Or are they obviously flawless?)

Aside from her practically job required habit of leaping into danger, Tieve finds her master's excitement about her expressing herself both perplexing and embarrassing, especially when in front of other pawns.

^ The energy ^

On a less surface level, Tieve is troubled by her master's distress when pawns are injured or sent back to the rift. While she’s not completely inured to the feeling herself, she draws the line at allowing the Arisen to endanger themself or other non-pawns for the sake of someone who can just be pulled back from the rift the next moment. Compounding her concerns is Andras’ seeming lack of urgency in seeking out the dragon. Helping people is all well and good, but she has a duty to fulfill. And if Tieve isn't guiding her along the path well enough, then isn't she failing at her own role?

4. What is their specialization and is there any story behind how they cultivated that skill set?

Her specialization is Woodland Wordsmith, and (since on a technical gameplay basis it comes from a previous playthrough with different characters) it's probably drawn from Andras’ much neglected wish to learn more about her mother's culture. It also plays well to her own desire to understand people!

5. Do they have any thoughts on the politics of the world and their place in it as a Pawn - or how Pawns are treated?

Tieve is often the member of the group who pipes up with the “Take heart, for we are fulfilling our duty at the Arisen's side. We have naught to be ashamed of.” line in Bakbattahl, and that sums up her thoughts on the matter fairly well. While the godsway terrifies her, the opinion of the general public does not.

6. Does their journey with the Arisen change them in any significant way and how?

I'm going to save this one for a little bit later, once I've actually gotten into endgame at least. But rest assured, I have wordy and incoherent thoughts on this topic as I do everything else.

7. Is there a reason they chose their preferred vocation?

After giving every vocation some time, Tieve has found her niche as support caster the most suited to her personality. Giving her companions the boost they need to topple any foe and soothing others pain is all she’s ever wanted…though she does miss climbing enemies.

8. Do they have any hobbies or preferred past-times?

Tieve enjoys people watching and theater! She's not a heavy drinker herself, but she loves to hang out in taverns and listen to the patrons' stories. (She also enjoys hearing other pawns gossip about their arisen. She may act scandalized, but she loves the drama.)

#sorry for the dark screenshots #i haven't reread this in ages so if it doesn't make sense i apologize again #dragon's dogma ii #oc: andras #oc: tieve

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