#afterwards i dont feel anything so i figure ill find out what bug it was when i park and get the corpse out of my shirt

[chewablepebbles]

[marinazone]

What's been bugging my brain recently

Boy oh boy where do I start. Well I suppose I'll start with a little bit of context. Hi! My name is Hunter (if you never knew my real moniker, not many do even if i tell them); and I have been in a disastrous...what could only be described as love illness, since February 28th. Before i explain why (if you dont already know) allow me to provide my full experience with love. When i was in 12th grade i was used as rebound for a girl named Nicole after her boyfriend had broken up with her. It was the first time i had ever gotten to feel love, the expectations of what i should expect were to be established from then forward. We talked a lot asked eachother how we were doing shared similar interests that kinda shit. It was cool, the sex was lukewarm at best but it felt nice to feel appreciated. Thats when her emotional manipulation began. She would be in low points that i attributed to depression. I always told her "go get help for your depression, itll only get worse" all of which she militantly ignored to the point where she told me she was being physically abused by her family. Naturally, stupid me, believed her and grew more and more attached and protective and i didnt find out til after we split up that she was full of horse shit. It was during this point that she would take opportunities when she was "moody" to punch me across the face. Why did i take that shit? I dont know! I guess i was too fucking scared to lose someone i was attached too. Two years passed and i realize she started to ditch me to hang with some dude named Paul and was cheating on me for months. I finally asked firmly if she was and she admitted it, playing sap. I was devestate for about three months afterward. I had planned to kill myself numerous times but always remembered how much my friends would miss me. It was during this time around 2013 that i took up a habit of walking a mile to a nearby bridge on a "private walk" over an artificial lake to just gaze into and get lost in what seemed like infinite thought. I eventually got over her, but only after deleting all contact with her.

Second is someone online i will just call Saber. A very basic ass relationship. No emotional fulfillment for me and only sexting. He was a bit different in abuse in that it was more a financial abuse than anything else. He relied on me to pay for his ffxiv game and subscription and shit cause he didnt live in NA and i didnt see a cent back. The separation was far more a fade then burning out. We just stopped talking and i stopped giving once i realized i was being used

And the third ex is actually criminally dangerous so i will avoid any details at all about them! Just know theyre in jail still i think and they dont know my address

So we arrive more recently, I dont want to use exact names as im still in contact with them and are (presumably) friends and i do not wish to expose information given in confidence. I will just be using first initials as follow: A, B, T, and W.

So it began with a message I'd received from B (all this was when i was freyacrescentshangover on here). He messaged me because we were into the same shit and asked if i wanted to rp. I figured sure! Why not! Well he was pretty chill and nice and i would eventually tell him i had a crush on him. He said "its cool we have similar fetishes but lets just stay friends for now ok?"

It didnt upset me to much. Then W entered my life and boy is she a treat (not sarcastic, mostly). She contacted me for much the same reason. We were into similar shit. We'd spend a lot of time back and forthing this stuff and getting to know eachother and then i finally told her i had a crush on her and her answer is something to keep in mind for later. She didnt say yes, but she didnt say no. She told me things such as ne being cute and how she enjoyed how we had similar kinks and said she'd be down to be more flirty sometimes. I had no fucking idea what this meant (No offense W) so I was more just in a state of confusion where our relationship was. As for why i admired her? She was passionate. Her interests were so emblazoned on her soul that is was visceral just being in a conversation (still is to an extent). Yet she's also so cool and mysterious. It felt like she was someone i had to learn about, someone that i could listen to their passions for hours in complete awe and admiration. Thats still what i admire about her to this day i suppose, but ill get onto that more in a bit.

This was also around the same time i had developed a crush on A. A is super cool and chill even to this day. Never afraid to be herself or says what she feels and that is truely admirable. She'd contacted me because, once again, we were into similar fetishes. We did the old exchange weird stuff and talk until i noticed she, by complete fucking cosmic coincidence, lived in the same town as me. You guessed it! Got a crush on her. This rejection breaks the mold a bit though in that she reciprocated the feelings but felt she was in to many relationships and couldnt provide me the emotional support i needed. Didnt bother me too much.

Well, that is until a couple months later A and her wife formed triad with W. It felt so.....bad if im being honest. I feel guilty to say it and i am really happy for them still! But there's always been a part of me since then that sorta felt......jealous? Short changed? I dont know, its hard to find a word for it. Its like when you taste something super fucking sour but you like expected it to be sweet. My self worth sorta plummeted from it all. Like i just wasnt enough for them..

Cut to later and i met T. Shes super sweet and funny and boy i got a crush on her too! She got into contact with me because......you guessed it! Similar fetishes! It feels like im just gifted with a power that lets people confide their weird fetishes with me. When i told her she told me essentially "Same fetishes dont like you that way".

Now we cut from 3 years ago to a month ago. I get feelings spurring up again for T and W (Probably A too but after how this goes I dont wanna be crushed ever again). I tell T first i have a crush on her. She says something similar to before but elaborates that romantic feelings are very hard for her to obtain. Then I tell W again. She says "We have similar fetishes and thats cool but i dont like you that way". For some fucking reason, this was an emotionally devastating breaking point for me and im not sure why. i got over T in like two days. W on the other hand? Were a month strong in and I still cant stop being depressed about it all. What happened here? What went different here? Was it because of the awkward response id receive years ago? Was it the jealousy-like feelings i still harbored? Is it just because i wanted to hear more about her and her interests and passions hidden under that cool (and sexy) exterior like i had before? I dont know. Probably never will. Likely a combination of all those though.

So here I am, on this weird precipice of loneliness, ready to die any second because my self worth doesnt seem to improve no matter what I do (and ive been doing a ton lately). Will I be able to work up the courage to take another final shot at A? Probably not, my body can't take another hit like that. Atleast not so soon. Will I ever get over W? Im not sure. The last time i felt this bad was with Nicole and I had to cut all contact with her to feel better, but the thought of doing that with W makes me even more sick. Maybe I'm just SOL and my emotional and mental stability doomsday clock is finally reaching midnight (sure hope not! I have Marinas to bully!).

Apart from all this, with how spurred i feel and such. I find it harder and harder to get out of bed every day. To do the things i like keeping myself healthy. Eating. Showering. To live. And yet I move.

[bibbleboo]

Could we get some headcanons/more background on Abbey and Doyle’s kids? 🥺👉👈 I love the premise of this AU

YEEEEE (im just gonna ramble a bunch about the backstory i have so far but ill put it in bullets so its easier to follow lol i apologize for it being long as fuck-)

OKAY SO,,, first of all,,, doyle and abbey timeline,,,, [i am looking respectfully]

in this au, they get back together and have a sort of ‘lovers pretending to be enemies’ chaotic on again/off again hookup thing off to the side just between the two of them thru like Most of the final season, they try to keep it a secret (especially doyle who doubts the saturdays would be hAPPY if he was seeing her again) but in the end, saturdays ofc find out, probably are unsure about it at first, but she gains enough of their trust to be there for the big finale battle in the weird world mansion.

when shit goes down and argost becomes the vessel for the two opposing kurs (regular kur, and the anti kur from zak monday) and they like. explode his matter or w/e, i imagine instead of kur just completely disappearing, the ‘anti kur’ gets shot back to its universe, while original kur gets forced into a new vessel in this universe... the closest of which happens to be the unborn child abbeys unknowingly carrying. basically, what if the two kurs just LOOKED like they evaporated but actually did what happens when you try to like tape two same sides of a magnets together and they YEETED-

So thats how we have Parker, their firstborn daughter! and this... also implies ‘Parker Monday’ exists which. 8^) i havent thought about yet so forgive me on that but hoo, 

they dont know parker is kur, they got no idea and rly just assume kur is gone for good. but after they find out abbeys pregnant (which is a huge emotional trip for both of them in its own right) they do eventually sort of agree they dont want their kid exposed to that whole world of mystery. like, ik its a vital thing to the whole family, and ik these two people were probably voted least likely to ‘settle down’ in high school, but i cant imagine they didnt escape the kur/zak situation without a LOT of trauma, so while the saturdays stay in the cryptozoology field, doyle and abbey slowly pull away from the mystery and mercenary stuff, and also instead of going for big dollar lifestyle settle with ‘independently wealthy’ parenting.

also, neither of them really . grasp the concept that theyve even started a family, and are ‘together’, and that this is REAL, until around when she gets pregnant with their second daughter, Kendall. and then theyre like. oh nooo wait are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend EWW-

when kendall is born parker is 3, and the next like 10+ years are pretty smooth sailing. as far as what the kids know/see, they probably know the cryptids when theyre little but. (tw animal death sORRY TO BE DARK I JUST??????) idk,, how long komodo dragons live/how old komodo already is and i definitely dont know Anything about giant prehistoric birds and am not even sure if science knows that lifespan, so. im not sure how long they could really be in each others lives??? i almost imagine parker would have memories of them that she assumes she remembers wrong, like “oh yeah they used to have a lizard and a bird... my imaginative little kid brain thought they were a komodo dragon and a dinosaur”, and as for fisk im still working on it but i . actually kind of imagine he might have a much longer lifespan (since lemurians are like ancient or w/e? and also if hes by dna like a gorilla cat or w/e gorillas at least live long af) and also feel like once he got older and settled down a bit he might live somewhere in the woods, maybe even his old tree? and the saturdays see him ALL the time obviously, but hey zaks gotta go to college eventually, a gorilla cats gotta eat bugs in forest, we all have to grow up and leave the nest sometime,

so idk the last time parker has actually seen fisk and she might assume he was an imaginary friend or smth but, 1. if i do write a fic they absolutely have to meet again, 2. overall the vibe is they know the saturdays are cryptozoologists, like, the same way josh gates does destination truth, seeking answers and studying, they dont really. know that theyre REAL. to them its like, a hypothetical science. (this is also part of why they dont realize parker is kur, she isnt around cryptids and therefore whenever her powers would actually show up they wouldnt be recognized) anyways parker isnt embarrassed or put off by it but just thinks its a little wacky, meanwhile kendall is obsessed with the world of mystery/paranormal/cryptic lol

speaking of the girls personalities;;;

parker is like. not really normie/preppy, even if she seems it at first glance, shes nice and has a good head on her shoulders but also is a teenage girl (inherently unhinged) and shes THEIR teenage girl (+5 feral) so despite her success and charm shes also very witty/crass when she wants to be, and deep down shes closer to the kind of person that would on pure inexplicable instinct put something random in your mouth when you’re yawning so you bite down on it afterwards. or like. that video of the girl singing in the bathroom while her friends curl their hair and she grabs the curler to use as a microphone before realizing its burning hot??? shes. the voice of reason, but the voice is usually shrieking in fear, making a cursed joke, or half the time whatever shes saying is actually smart. she kinda wants to go to college and travel, but struggles with indecisiveness and anxiety, so she has no idea where to go, what to major in, etc. and is again kinda just livin thru the typical teen life in that regard

kendall on the other hand is like. weird kid culture, the kind of kid that believes they are secretly a new supernatural creature each year (mermaid phase, werewolf phase, alien phase, etc), probably completely accidentally starts cults or witch covens at school (didnt realize teaching peers how to become ‘blood brothers’ and ‘make potions’ from puddles and stolen school supplies would be taken so seriously by parents) , very into emo/scene/punk/alt culture but not rly in an overtly dark/edgy way, more of a having fun and expressing self way. she wants answers for everything, really loves mysteries and being open minded, and definitely a rebel/adventurer at heart, even if she gets naive or in over her head sometimes.

the girls get along well! parker is not dismissive of kendall she just. isnt really into the same stuff/is more freaked out by it most of the time, but she would tag along on certain adventures, especially if it was to keep her safe. and kendall definitely directs gentle mockery towards parker a lot but does see her as a good role model and guiding figure, their bond is really strong!

other details !

doyle and abbey prob decide to say fuck it and get married after kendall is born, they probably have a few rough patches but nothing is more important to them than the kids now and in the end they understand each other better than anyone else so . canon tension idk her! family ftw! power couple! they intimidate the teacher during parent teacher conferences together hand in shady little hand !

their parenting style is exactly what one would imagine, 70% fun and sass and controlled chaos where theyre the bigger children than their children, 15% ‘this is how you hack the government and dual wield swords-- i was not supposed to teach you that im sorry’, and 15% actual guidance / emotional depth / etc. flaws might be overcoming their own immaturity for the first few years, and then being lowkey overly protective (while claiming they arent, but just bc you semi jokingly tell parker she should join the football team doesnt mean you dont actually hide 60% of ur life from her and check that her bedroom windows are locked every night and have 24 people listed in her school emergency contacts and used to cut up her food till she was 7 and-)

so abouT THE BABY BOY (Phoenix), 1. his middle name is leonidas bc im gay and i love emotional turmoil babes , 2. fully unironically the idea behind such a late pregnancy is abbey would be mid fourties when hes born right. so like. [has two kids] ‘ok birth control time’ [when theyre teens many years later] ‘ok im old enough to stop taking this’ [the hyperfertility curse that plagues many women rears its ugly head with one last hoo-rah]

and finALLY a very quick elevator pitch of what id write an actual fic to focus on;;; kendall sneaks into the attic to look for old shit bc they BOTH know their parents have been hiding stuff over the years, she finds things like a cryptopedia (now offline), the claw, maybe even a piece of the kur stone, and ropes parker into the long haul of figuring out what all this stuff is. and ofc the second they ever find the naga relic and parker comes face to face with it, [rest in rip] time for mom and dad to find out and all this kur shit to start ALL over again-

[mildlymaddy]

Ask and you shall receive I guess. ;)

Lilo future!fic, in which both are single, Liam’s got two kids, and I end up calling Liam’s first-born “James” because the fucker still hasn’t shared his actual baby’s name with us.

Liam was in over his head. He knew it, and it only served to annoy him further. This was stupid. He was a grown-ass man. He had kids for Christ’s sake!

 There was absolutely no reason for him to angst over the meaning of a bloody text message.

 Especially not one that said, Im not gonna comment until Ive tried it myself.

 Louis had added the sunglasses emoji at the end, which was nice but didn’t help Liam figure out whether he was serious or not.

 And knowing whether Louis was serious or not felt quite bloody important, considering the message Liam had sent him right before had been: Then she said i was lousy in bed, like, can you believe?!

 Liam took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

The thing was, lately, there’d been quite a few of these messages from Louis. Like, Liam didn’t want to jump to conclusions or anything, but ever since Louis had come back to L.A., single and determined to take over the world with Liam (there’d never been any question of whether Liam might have other plans, but then again he’d only been too happy to join in. Endless touring was less appealing at 38 than it had been at 23, and writing for others with Louis had always been part of his dreams), they'd gotten… close.

 And they'd always been close, obviously, even once time and distance had made their friendship more quiet and soft, had turned cuddles and pranks into yearly birthday messages and dinners that had to be planned months in advance, but even in their hay days it had never been… it’d never been like this.

 Or maybe Liam was just too old to remember exactly how flirty Louis used to be. But he'd watched some old 1d interviews, just to see, and while Louis teased him a lot and touched him even more… it just wasn't the same. Liam was sure of it.

 Except, of course, for all the moments when he wasn't.

 He started typing a reply, then deleted it, staring at the blinking cursor on his screen with increasing desperation. It had been 10 minutes since Louis had sent his message and the longer Liam waited, the more awkward his reply would be, no matter what.

 “Daaad, can you stop jiggling your leg? I’m trying to watch my show!”

 Liam looked up from his phone to find his daughter glaring at him from behind her fringe, earbuds plugged firmly in her ears to listen to whatever she was watching on her phone, curled up on the other side of the couch. He wasn’t sure how him jiggling his leg two seats over was disrupting her focus, but clearly it was, and she huffed again before turning her attention back to her show, mumbling something Liam couldn’t make out but which was most probably along the lines of “grown-ups suck.”

 He’d never realized, back when he’d started a family, that that meant dealing with moody teenagers down the line, and not just adorable babies and cute 8-year-old kids. The wake-up call had been brutal (and his mother’s amused look the first time he’d complained to her about the ungratefulness of teens a little uncalled for). The fact that he only had them one month out of two since his divorce didn’t help things any.

 “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, leaving the living room to go lock himself in the first floor bathroom, phone clutched in one sweaty hand.

 He sat on the edge of the bathtub, legs resuming their nervous jiggling, and felt his heart doing a sickly somersault when he saw the notifications telling him Louis had sent another string of messages. That was it; he’d missed his shot by waiting too long. Louis had moved on to another subject and-

 That was a comeon, in case you cant tell.

I mean unles you CAN tell and yure not interested.

Which wouls explain why you havent written in 15mn i guess i should take the hint

Fuck thiss awkward forget i said anything.

 Liam read the words over and over again, just in case they’d morph into some inane discussion about playing dog sitter for Louis or setting up a writing session, but they remained the same.

 Louis had been hitting on him?

 Louis had been hitting on him.

 ...

 For all that Liam had been convinced something was going on, getting actual confirmation of it felt like taking a deep breath under water.

 “Fuck,” he muttered, desperately trying to keep his breathing under control.

 It wasn't until moving dots popped up on his screen to show Louis was writing yet another message that Liam finally sprung to action, clumsily typing his reply and sending it before he could second-guess himself, typos and all.

 I wqsnt sure yu were skirting

 He blinked at his screen. Fuck. Stupid predictive text. When had he even ever written the word “skirting”?!

 I meant flirtng*

flirting*

Fuck

 Liam groaned. Maybe if he chucked his phone into the toilets he could pretend that those last messages had been a bug.

 He'd always thought this kind of thing would get easier with age (well mostly he'd thought he would get married and live happily ever after...), but if anything, this felt worse than he remembered. How did anyone ever hook up with anyone without keeling over from the stress of it all?!

 The cheerful “blip!” of a new message brought his attention back to the screen.

 Does that mean you dont midn?

 Liam swallowed around the lump in his throat. He was pretty sure he was supposed to feel relief but for some reason all he could feel right now was rising panic. Surely this was a mistake, his brain pointed out. This was all a misunderstanding. He was getting Louis’s meaning completely wrong.

 Still, he made himself write back, I def dont mind. Imall for flirting.

 Dots came and went on Louis's side of the chat for quite a long time after that, leaving Liam ample time to worry about the ways in which he could have misunderstood Louis's messages (admittedly, he couldn't think of one, but that's how it worked, right? That’s the reason people felt so mortified afterwards), until finally Louis's answer popped up on his screen.

 Im gonna be horribly blunt here im sorry but i wanna make sure. So if i drop by your house tonight with two bottles of wine and push you against tye wall and snog you senseless youre ok with that right?

 The relieved laughter that burst out of Liam’s mouth surprised even him, and he let himself slide to the tiled ground, his heartbeat going wild with happiness as he tremblingly typed back, ive got the kids so might be best not to but i woudlnr say no to some snogging on the weekend?

 He pressed Send and rested his chin on his bent knees, staring at his phone like a lovesick teenager, which is exactly how he felt right now. This was ridiculous. It was also the best Liam had felt in months.

 A shriek coming from the ground floor dragged him out of his bubble and he struggled back to his feet, frowning, but the stomping of feet on the stairs and the vengeful “Emma I'll punch your teeth in!!” made him reconsider. Possibly staying in the bathroom was safest for now.

 A door slammed down the corridor, then he heard Emma yelling back, “I'll fucking tell mum, you tosser!” before another door slammed shut, a little closer.

 He really wished she’d stop using the mum card. First because that was unfair for Cheryl, and second because… well, he could be fearsome too, damnit. He wasn’t just the “hot, goofy dad” (as amusing as having Emma’s friends mooning at him was, mostly because his 20-year-old self had forever been preserved online).

 He had to go talk to them both, but a glance at his phone showed him Louis had sent another message.

 I dont know if ill still want to snog you then, payno. 3 days is a long time.

 Liam grinned. Far away from fighting teenagers, something warm was unfurling in his veins, spreading through his body, carrying with it a faint thrilling note, just enough to make his heartbeat a little irregular in the nicest of ways.

 Ill make it worth the wait, he typed back, biting his bottom lip around a smile. His heart was heavy with happiness in his chest and he never wanted the feeling to go away again.

 He’d never considered the possibility of falling for someone he’d known since he was a teenager, but now that he was, he was starting to wonder how it hadn’t happened earlier. How he’d gone without.

 I expect you to, Louis sent back.

 Count on it.

 There was renewed stomping in the corridor, then the noise of a door banging open and a shout. Liam sighed.

 Gotta mke sure the kids dont kill each othr. Talk later?

 He stared at the dots as Louis typed his answer, unwilling to get out into the fray just yet, unwilling to let go of his own slice of teenagehood. He couldn’t make out the words that were being yelled down in James’s room, but they clearly weren’t anything he could tolerate. He really needed to step in.

 Anytime.

…

<3

Oh god pretend i dind’t sent that.

You know what screw it.

<333

Liam beamed down at his phone, sent a heart back (or ten), and stepped out of the bathroom.