#after the salad spinner they can have kisses though

[friendlyneighbourhoodelf]

Ouhhhh HELLO how about 32 or 43 for our favourite battle husbands?? 👀

hi!! have some codywan covered in blood

43 - a bloody kiss

“Cody!”

His Commander turned to him, helmet clutched in his hand, red pooling in its crevices, dripping onto the ground like the early, quiet spots of rain before a storm. The warm yellow of his armour was obscured as well, mired by dirt and blood. Obi-Wan knew he wasn’t much better off, robes torn and bloodied. Earlier, he’d felt the telltale drip of blood against his face, now though, it seemed to have dried; when he ran a hand across his face it flaked away like rust.

If only, he thought wryly.

He finally reached Cody, felt as if he’d been wading though an ocean to get there.

“Force, Cody. I --” He reached desperately for him, his fingers finding Cody’s pauldron, the blood of another collecting beneath his fingernails.

“I’m not. I’m here.” He was still breathing hard, the adrenaline not quite faded. Each word fell suddenly, drop after drop. “And you’re --”

“Here. I’m fine.” He laughed, despite himself. The relief that they were both alive and here was sudden and intoxicating.

His hand moved to cup Cody’s neck, thanks to his helmet it was largely free of blood and the smooth skin felt strange beneath his own bloodied hands. Faintly, he could feel the thud of Cody’s pulse beneath his palm.

Cody’s smile was more like a grin as his eyes traced the blood running down the side of Obi-Wan’s face, his gaze coming to land on his lips. Obi-Wan watched him back, “Hi.”

He smiled, a quick breath darting from his lips, “Hello, my dear.”

For a moment, when Cody kissed him the chatter of the men around them and the constant noise of post-battle clean up was still ringing in his ears. Then, there was only the sound of his own heart thudding in his head, the soft breath they seemed to share.

He ran a thumb along the edge of Cody’s jaw, coaxing a desperate little noise from his throat. In return, Cody slipped his own hand through Obi-Wan’s hair, the movement dislodging the dried blood that clung to it. He titled his head back, just a little, enough that Obi-Wan gasped up into the kiss, allowing himself to be guided by Cody’s hand.

Eventually, Cody pulled away, just far enough that Obi-Wan desperately tried to follow him.

Cody smiled down at him, a soft and precious thing, out of place amongst the blood of the battle. With his free hand he wiped a little of the blood from Obi-Wan’s face, thumb coming to rest just beneath his lips. He felt his eyes flutter shut at the contact, missed the moment when Cody kissed him again.

It was a brief thing, this time, the flutter of a pulse against his palm.

“I think,” Obi-Wan remembered how to speak again, “We’d better go and get cleaned up, my dear.” 

(also occurred to me that this is technically also a kiss while someone watches because they’re very much still on the battlefield, so i imagine waxer and boil’s reaction is something like this -

“Oh, they’re fucking —“

“They’re fucking at it again.”

“This is still — They know this is still a war zone, right? Please tell me they know that?”)

[wikiangela]

stuck with each other

silly domestic fluff, kitchens, accidental love confessions ❤️

Words: 2.5k

[read more on Ao3]

Buck's new fixation is buying unnecessary kitchen gadgets that end up in Eddie's kitchen, they all cook together, and Eddie can't keep his feelings in check.

Eddie’s not sure how or when it starts. All he knows is that suddenly wherever he turns in his own kitchen, he finds plenty of new, weird, very unnecessary – in his opinion – gadgets and appliances, and their amount only continues to grow, and it’s all Buck’s fault.

Buck has been basically in charge of his kitchen for years now, especially before Eddie learned how to cook – he’s still nowhere near Buck’s skills, but recently they’ve been cooking together very often, too. But Eddie doesn’t think it was a thing before, Buck buying all those things and just leaving them at Eddie’s place, he’d notice. It’s a new phase, almost compulsive shopping but only for kitchen gadgets. It must’ve started recently, with the smaller things, but he just can’t pinpoint when or why Buck would even buy all this just to leave it in Eddie’s kitchen, in the beginning not even telling him. And now he’s less sneaky about it.

It always goes like this: Buck walks into the house, carrying bigger or smaller boxes, excitedly shouting: “Guys, I found something so cool!” He always has a bag of groceries with him, too, with things he’d need to demonstrate how whatever new cool gadget he bought works, and make dinner in the process.

Chris always gets super excited – Buck got him to love cooking lately – while Eddie’s just fondly exasperated, because, well, they’re slowly running out of space, and it’s not like all of that is constantly – or ever – used anyway. And he never takes it back to his loft.

Today, he brought some little device that apparently can slice any vegetable or fruit into cubes of whatever size you want, attached to a container. He presents it with various vegetables that he bought to make a salad, and a huge smile, and tells Chris it’s so easy and safe to use he can help Buck cut everything now.

“Whatever happened to a simple knife and board?” Eddie asks with a raised eyebrow, leaning against the counter, and watching his boys get overly excited about this surely overpriced and such an unnecessary gadget. But, well, as long as they have fun, right? Which doesn’t mean he won’t be a little grumpy and won’t tease Buck about it every chance he gets.

“But this is so much more convenient!” Buck exclaims, his eyes shining with excitement, and Eddie fights a smile that wants to force itself onto his face. He’s so adorable, it takes everything in Eddie not to just walk up and kiss him – but he can’t, unless he wants to risk it all, and he’s not quite there yet. “It has all kinds of blades and everything!”

“Is it, though? Are we even gonna ever use it?” 

“Dad.” Christopher rolls his eyes. “Of course we will.”

“Really? I don’t think I used, I don’t know-” he tries to think of what they even have, and remembers the latest thing he never even used once. “The apple slicer. Or the avocado thing. I have a knife, that’s enough.” he says pointedly, and Buck just grins.

“You use the egg thing.” Christopher comments with a smug smile.

“Okay, that’s one.” Eddie laughs. Well, it’s a convenient thing to separate the yolk and whites – with his clumsiness in the kitchen, it’s the only way he doesn’t mess this up without eggshells falling in or yolk breaking. “But, for example, the salad spinner just takes up space in the cupboard.” At least that’s better than the pressure cooker that’s being moved around on the counter, because there’s quite literally no space for it anywhere, and Buck didn’t take it to his loft even after Eddie suggested it. He’s not sure how to take that, to be honest, because, well, Buck buys all of it, with his own money, and even he barely uses it once he gets bored – and yet he always leaves it all here. Eddie can’t even count how many peelers he has in a drawer, because apparently Buck always finds better ones, as if they all didn’t work exactly the same.

“Your dad just likes to make everything harder for himself.” Buck says to Chris, and Eddie scoffs and shakes his head. “Here, you wanna try?” he gives the thing to Chris, and Eddie’s immediately on full alert, ready to jump in at any moment. He knows his kid is growing up, and can do all the stuff, but he’ll never not worry. Buck whispers, “Watch your fingers,” and earns an annoyed look. Chris puts a piece of a cucumber on the blades and closes the lid, and it falls into the container in little cubes. “See?” Buck looks back at Eddie with a smug smile. “So quick and easy.”

“I think I’ll stick with a knife, thanks.” Eddie chuckles. He doesn’t mind it all, really. He’ll indulge any of Buck’s fixations, if it means he can watch him and Chris just have fun together.

“Does that mean I shouldn’t take out the scissors then?” Buck asks with a shit-eating grin. Eddie sighs heavily.

“What scissors?” 

“It was the same brand and it was right next to each other on the shelf…” he says, as he takes the half-empty grocery bag he brought and pulls out a small box. “They’re herb scissors, and-”

“Buck, seriously?” Eddie can’t help a laugh. “This is so unnecessary. Where do you even find this stuff?”

“It’s not like I seek them out, I just saw those on a shelf at a supermarket.” he shrugs, blushing a little. “I admit, I might go a little overboard sometimes…” he ducks his head, his smile sheepish. “But this one can be useful! And we can get rid of some of the stuff.” he concedes at Eddie’s unwavering look. 

“To make room for more.” Christopher adds, and Buck laughs.

“Well, I just saw a video of this really cool device-” Buck starts and goes on to tell them all about this new thing he wants to buy, getting Chris all excited, and Eddie exasperated, because he knows he won’t even try to really persuade Buck not to buy it, and not to leave it here, because it’s Buck new fixation and it makes him happy, and Eddie would do anything to make him happy. 

Eddie just stands there, watching his boys keep slicing the vegetables and making a salad – Buck uses the salad spinner this time – while Buck still talks about a variety of ridiculous gadgets that are supposed to make cooking easier, but sound like a waste of money – and Eddie knows would pay for it out of his own pocket if Buck let him, just to see that smile. Just to keep seeing Buck with Chris like this, getting him involved, teaching him to cook, just like Bobby taught him, and even thinking about this comparison makes Eddie feel things he’s not sure he’s prepared for.

Eddie’s about to say that while they’re doing that, he’ll start on preparing their actual dinner. He wants to say that, or interject their conversation with all the teasing quips that gather at the tip of his tongue, joke about it some more, tell Buck he’s being ridiculous, anything like that – but when he opens his mouth what comes out is:

“I’m so in love with you.” in the most fond and tender tone he’s ever heard himself speak.

“What?”

Clearly, it takes them both by surprise, Eddie feels his eyes open so widely they might as well pop out of his head, and his heart is hammering so loudly, he almost can’t hear anything else. Buck drops whatever vegetable he was holding, and it hits the table and rolls onto the floor, as his eyes widen as well, his lips part in surprise.

“Uh.” is all Eddie can say, while he processes what even happened. He did not mean to say it like that, not now, not with his kid present. Speaking of, when Eddie looks at Chris, he finds the biggest smile on his face.

“So… I’ll go to my room.” he says happily, getting up from the table. “Tell me when you’re done so I can help with dinner.” he adds, and as he walks out, the kitchen is silent. Buck and Eddie look at each other and never break eye contact. Eddie’s not even sure he blinks, that's how surprised he still is.

“Uh, what- what did you just say?” Buck finally breaks the silence, and Eddie can’t decipher his expression. He’s clearly shocked, but there’s something else there, something he can’t name, or maybe can’t hope.

Eddie’s not panicking. Yes, his heart beats rapidly, and his fingers start tingling, he’s dizzy, and his breaths get a little shallow, but he’s not panicking, he’s fine. It's no big deal, it’s just Buck, whom he just accidentally told he’s in love with. He’s not freaking out at all. It’s just Buck, his best friend, and no matter what, this is never going to change. And there’s a chance, a very small chance, but it’s there, that maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same way. And if he doesn’t, well, they’ll survive. And it’s not like he can just back away now, he’s already said it. The only option is to double down and hope for the best.

“I- I said-” he takes a deep breath. Now or never. He swallows hard, his mouth suddenly very dry, and takes another deep breath. “I said I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.” Buck tilts his head, but that’s all the response Eddie gets, and maybe he is a little panicked. He just needs to know where they stand now. He cannot lose Buck.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything? It’s unusual for you to be this quiet.” Eddie tries to joke, tries to chuckle, but he can barely breathe, his head spinning.

“Sorry, I’m just-” Buck shakes his head, and Eddie thinks that a shy smile is spreading on his face. “I just wasn’t expecting this, and I’m processing.”

“Can you process before I have a panic attack? I’m kinda freaking out over here.” he admits, his voice unusually high, as he takes another calming breath, which does not help at all. 

“Oh, Eddie. No, don’t- don’t worry, I-” he frowns, concerned, as he moves around the table to stand in front of Eddie. “I’m sorry, this is just very unexpected.” he chuckles, then tentatively puts both of his hands on the sides of Eddie’s neck, thumbs grazing his cheeks gently, and, yeah, Eddie’s heart is cartwheeling all around his chest. “This is not how I expected this to go. I- Eddie, I’m in love with you, too. I love you. So much.” his voice breaks a little, his eyes are shining with tears – happy tears – and so much love, and suddenly Eddie can’t breathe for a whole other reason, just overwhelmed by the emotion in Buck’s eyes. He must’ve been hiding it well, because there’s no way Eddie’s never noticed this look before.

“Buck.” Eddie’s hands settle on Buck’s wrists, where they’re close to his own face, holding on firmly, never wanting to let go. “If we’re really doing this, I need you to know that I’m one thousand percent in, no looking back.” he says, voice steady and decisive, despite still kind of shaking from the nerves and excitement.

“I want that more than anything.” Buck confesses, voice barely a whisper, a huge smile on his face, that Eddie’s sure he’s mirroring. “If you’ll have me.”

“Buck.” Eddie rolls his eyes fondly, and a laugh escapes him. “I think I made it clear that I will have you. And I’m never letting you go. You’re stuck with us, with me, forever.” he adds firmly, not able to contain a huge smile.

“I guess you’re stuck with me, too, then.” Buck says softly, his eyes flickering to Eddie’s lips, and back to his eyes. “You think you can handle that? I’m kind of a mess.” he laughs, but there’s some heaviness to his tone, and Eddie gets it, better than anyone ever would. 

“And I’m not?” Eddie raises an eyebrow. “I want all of you, Buck, the mess included. We’re a team, aren’t we? We can handle our messes together.” he smiles, still feeling so nervous, his heart about to hammer through his chest, the atmosphere feels so heavy, because, well, they’re crossing a line they’ve been toeing for a long time now, and it’s scary – but also so exhilarating.

“Okay.” Buck whispers, his gaze dropping to Eddie’s lips again. “Can I kiss you now? I’ve been wanting to do that for years, and I don’t think I can wait longer.” he chuckles breathlessly, and Eddie leans in. 

Buck meets him in the middle, and when their lips meet, all of Eddie’s nerves and panic melt away, replaced with a sense of calm, of being settled, grounded, finally where he’s supposed to be. Buck kisses him so softly and tenderly, holding him so carefully but firmly, Eddie just melts against him, his arms finding their place around Buck’s neck, bringing him closer, as close as possible. It’s unhurried, gentle, exploratory, just savoring this moment. It’s everything, too much and not enough, and Eddie wants more, he wants Buck to kiss him like this for the rest of his life, and he can’t wait to find out what other kinds of kisses from him will feel like. 

Buck pulls away way too quickly, and Eddie chases after him, and Buck chuckles, and it sounds even sweeter than it normally does.

“We still need to cook dinner, Eddie.” he reminds, and oh, right, Eddie comes back to reality and remembers they were preparing a meal, and Buck was showing off the new gadget he bought, when Eddie’s brain malfunctioned, overwhelmed with the love and fondness he has for Buck, and made him say the words that just changed his life. This is just ridiculous. Which is why he can’t help but burst out laughing. “What’s funny?” Buck asks, frowning a bit, but still with a bright smile.

“I can’t believe this is why I told you I love you.” Eddie shakes his head, pointing to the counter, where the abandoned vegetable cutter sits among the mess of ingredients.

“See?” Buck’s smile turns smug. “And you complained about me buying too much of this stuff.” he laughs, then leans in to leave one more chaste kiss on Eddie’s lips. “I’ll be right back, I’ll go get Chris.”

Soon, it’s the three of them in the kitchen again, just like it’s supposed to be, preparing a family dinner together. Buck and Eddie can’t stop smiling and exchanging glances, while Christopher pretends to be annoyed and teases them about being gross and in love, but he can’t hide a happy grin, either.

Eddie’s still not sure why Buck’s wasting money on all that useless kitchen stuff, but he thinks he does know why they’re all in his kitchen – because it’s their kitchen in their house, where they belong together, as a family. Now he only needs to make it official. 

He looks at his kid and his partner, in every sense of the word now, as they talk and laugh, and cook together, and his heart is so full. This is all he’ll ever need.

____

Tag list (if you want to be added pls interact with this post): @idealuk @thebravebitch @this-is-moony-lovegood @greenfairrryy

[nitunio]

i pretty much know ur ryou thoughts so hmm. touma, banri, and torao (for the bingo)

THANQ FOR THE ASK... im not good at thought articulation but 👍 incoherency is the key

As for Touma...

He has been my ultimate ZOOL fave ever since they were shown together as a group (even though he was nice to my nemesis Riku) . He's adorable in all the senses you could imagine this word in, but most importantly, I care about him a lot. He's honest and shows his feelings and sure, the moments when he is are shown as silly sometimes, but there is a lot about his internal struggles, (CRYING OVER HIS ARC). Him helping Re:vale in pt3? Amazing. Guy got a lot of guts

Toraaaaooo

I HATE HIM (affectionate). HE IS GENDER, I FUCK WITH HIS AESTHETIC SO HARD, HIS CARD ART IS NEVER A MISS, HE MAKES ME SO ILL (lighthearted). Of ZOOLs he and Minami share the "second fave" place, and I used to hate him (enraged) so much after what he's done especially in relation to Ryuu. But in the part 3 already you can see some of the Very subtle cracks that let you peek inside the kind of core values and mindset he has. I'm really glad they've fleshed out his character this much, and the issues he's working on are. Wow. I would have wanted to give him a pat on the shoulder in reassurance IF IT WASN'T FOR HIS DAMN SINGLE. "DUSTYYY LOVE", and i need to prefix it with a big "I LOVE THE SEIYUUS RANGE AND VOCALS AND VOICE", RUINED MY LIFE. ever since ive heard it i could NOT for the life of me stop whatever vocal repetition it's called and randomly start singing the chorus of this damn song in the weirdest voices imaginable to try to recreate the absolutely phenomenal vocals DUSTYYY LOOOUVE I WANNA KISSE YOU. eevery time im in the voice chat i hold myself back from the song thats spinning in my head. Torao you need to get bullied more (lovingly) but also people cam be mean about you (rightfully so, for serving so much)

Banri!

I'm putting him in a salad spinner. I have a version of Banri that's in my head and it only serves my angst fantasies, but I haven't really got much to say about him. I really care about him as a character, and from pt1 he's been. So good. And then bam. Light fixture! I CRIED LIKE HELL. I got chills when Ryou was near him I thought it could go to a 100 real quick (and it only got to about 50, wjat a cute ponytail (i agree btw))

I love him as a MEZZO manager, I love him as the guy that denies Yuki which is the funniest part of their dynamic. I loveeeee him as a dilf lover that's good for him. I also love how kind he is to Momo. To me personally he is the Supporting Character Ever

[bisous-valtteri]

i know a/b/o so overdone but do you have any ideas for valtteri ?

listen when it comes to valtteri nothing is overdone because nothing is really done in the first place so i don't mind chatting about whatever!

i haven't tossed a/b/o around in my salad spinner in a hot minute so i figured i would dig back into my discord messages and mine you an idea i had a while ago, for him and charles. it is.... decidedly not sexy for all that this is a kink blog, but i hope it hits some kind of button! i would be happy to elaborate on them in this verse in a sexy way if you so desire :))

alpha!val having a stress-induced rut during a race weekend, set during 2021. pure hurt/comfort with omega!charles below the cut. be warned for descriptions of hospitalization and medical treatment.

idea where alpha!val's rut is induced irregularly by stress during race week and he goes to the hospital to expedite its passing safely (think an overnight stay, being sedated and intravenously given medicine for this. like in this world it's a bit of a last resort but still standardized enough for the FIA to allow the various drugs for it). it is seriously unpleasant but necessary if he wants a chance to race; drivers who are in active rut or heat are barred from racing for safety reasons.

the meds help him pass his rut in just 24 hours so he is discharged in time for a late fp2 and quali. but the whole process—plus being rushed back to the track and thrust right into work—is so miserable that even though he keeps his cool during it, when he finally gets back to his own hotel room he makes a very exhausted attempt at a nest to lie down in. because nests bring comfort to all who lie in them, not just the omegas who build them, and he's desperate for a bit of creature comfort.

anyway this is the situation when omega!charles knocks on his door and valtteri is, on the one hand, ashamed of being caught both in a fragile state and also in his poor man's version of a nest. but on the other hand, seeing charles and being crushed into his arms is such a palpable, primal relief that maybe he cries—though nobody can prove it.

it's just an awful lot to be carted away from the paddock to the hospital and have to endure examination, getting poked and prodded and pumped full of drugs that smell heinous to his sensitive nose and then spend 24 hours in a blurry haze, uncomfortable and lethargic and barely lucid in a white room. maybe it's the first time he's ever had to pass a rut like that and he hadn't known what to expect, how alien and dehumanizing it would be. regardless, now that he doesn't have the distraction of the paddock, he just feels wrong-footed and small and not like himself.

so the first thing charles does is get them into the shower to scrub the scent of hospital and medication from val's skin. scents are so important to one's sense of self; not having yours can feel surgical in its detachment. the odor of industrial disinfectant and prescription sedatives are enough to turn charles' stomach so he's not sure how valtteri dealt with it all day, nor anyone in his garage for that matter, but they both relax a little once he's smelling like his usual woodsy soap.

charles takes extra care around the bruised pits of valtteri's elbows and wrists: injection sites for all the intravenous drugs. his heart aches when valtteri leans into him, not for a kiss, but for genuine support. charles has never had to pass a heat in a hospital but he knows it's not for the faint of heart. he washes valtteri down more gently than he thinks he's touched anything else in his life. usually valtteri would be making happy chest rumbles like he always does during any sort of grooming ritual, but today he's silent.

charles knows, it's the cost of racing. that doesn't mean he has to like it.

after getting dry, charles gently plusses up the nest that val had attempted. valtteri looks embarrassed and awkward but charles just clucks and starts citing the many health benefits of nesting for all (lower blood pressure! better sleep! nervous system regulation!) as he sheds his sweater to tuck over a pillow, adding his own scent to the nest. and then he dims the lights and wrangles valtteri into the nest and big spoons him and strokes his head and kisses his neck until val falls asleep like that, finally feeling safe.

[logicalbookthief]

76 on the prompt list :>>> excited to see what u come up w/

Anon, your faith in me was truly misguided. I saw this prompt and went, “ooh, ok, let’s do some heartfelt angst,” and then as I started that my brain went, “nah, this instead.”

And by this, I mean “domestic & married Reddie being gross and in love and having a drama queen for a kid”

*

*

Prompt: 76 – “It could be worse. They could be dating.” “Wait. They are?!”

Summary: “Our daughter is dating a nose-picker?!” Eddie says it with the disdain of someone describing a serial killer.

*

*

Richie kicks the door closed with his foot, already slipping it halfway out of his shoe. He dumps his duffel on the floor, which Eddie’ll chide him for later. That’s a problem for future Richie, not present Richie, who’s running on pure caffeine after his non-stop flight from Atlanta to LA.

The distant thump of 80s music lures him to the kitchen. Eddie’s humming along to the radio as he rinses lettuce for one of his seasonal salads. Richie would bet his life it includes pine nuts. 

Padding quietly across the hardwood, Richie warps his arms around his husband from behind. “Honey, I’m home!”

Eddie jolts, relaxing the minute he feels the frame of Richie’s glasses against his head. “Jesus,” he sighs, dropping to a whisper. “Jack, what’re you doing, you know my husband’s coming home today!”

“Jack?!” Richie squawks, twisting him around by the lapels. “As in, our mailman?”

“Oh, whoops,” Eddie feigns shock, the facade lasting all of a second before he throws his arms around Richie’s neck, swooping in for a kiss. 

Richie moans, a little satisfied hum against Eddie’s lips. “Where’s my other sweetheart?”

His husband adjusts his shirt where it’s riding up, due to his Richie’s wandering hands. “Moping,” he explains, delicately.

“She’s seven. What does she have to mope about?” Richie deadpans. His mouth twists into a grimace. “Wait. Are you trying the tuna casserole recipe again?”

Eddie whips around. “What the fuck’s wrong with my–?”

“Nothing!” he answers quickly. Eddie narrows his eyes, wielding the salad-spinner like he wants to use it on something besides leafy greens. “So what’s eating my little Spaghetti-o?”

“Mrs. Diaz separated her from her cubby-buddy, Jonas,” Eddie informs, eyebrows rocketing to his hairline. “Apparently they were too disruptive as a pair.”

“Jonas? Isn’t that the nose-picker?” He regrets this observation as Eddie gags over the croutons. 

Everyone has a thing, a thing that trips the gag reflex. Many things bring out that response in Eddie, yet none so viscerally as his aversion to snot, boogers, and the like. Ever since they were kids, it was the surefire way to make him heave. Even if the snot in question was connected to their child.

So when it came to boogers, Richie was the go-to parent, while Eddie graciously agreed to handle the diaper meltdowns. After all, the key to a successful marriage is compromise. Compromise, and lots of Clorox wipes. 

At the school’s Christmas pageant last year, the boy standing next to Nina started digging for gold halfway through Twelve Days of Christmas and found a nugget before they hit two turtle-doves. Poor Eds nearly hurled in Richie’s lap. 

“Don’t remind me,” Eddie shudders. “Anyway, she’s heartbroken over it. As soon as we got home she ran to her room. I tried to talk to her when I brought her a snack and she asked me to please give her time.”

Richie imagines that coming out of his seven-year-old’s mouth and snorts. “Sorry,” he adds. “Not funny.”

Eddie ducks his chin to hide his smile. “Even for her, it’s a tad overdramatic,” he admits, glancing up at Richie through his lashes. “I didn’t have the heart to pester her, but, maybe since you’re home…”

“I’m on it!” Richie stretches the lingering kinks out of his neck. “I’m a world-famous comedian back from a sold-out show. Cheering our daughter up should be a cinch.”

“Mhm,” Eddie intones, not sounding very confident. Which, rude. He seems rather distracted by the length of Richie’s biceps as they stretch over his head. His eyes gleam with an anticipation that has nothing to do with salad. Richie’s got the same itch crawling beneath his skin and he’s very eager to scratch it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and the dick grow harder. 

His knocks at Nina’s room are ignored, so Richie gently pushes the door open to peer inside. At the sight of his daughter curled up on the bed, he breaks into a smile.

“Eyyy, there’s my girl!” 

Nina raises her head from the pillow, uttering a curt, “Hi, Dad.”

Well, that’s far less enthusiasm than he was expecting. Considering he was gone for almost a week. Nothing like a child’s indifference to keep you humble.

“Aww, sweetie, what’s wrong?” His ears perk at the soft croon of Whitney Houston in the background. “And … what the heck are you listening to?”

“Playlist,” she mutters, blindly flinging an arm toward her device. She’s got it open to his Spotify. 

Richie should probably delete the app from her tablet, like, yesterday. If she ever stumbles across his “Songs to fuck Eddie to” playlist he’ll have to commit samurai-suicide.

However. Given this playlist is called “Sad love songs to cry into your Chipotle burrito,” Richie has a better idea of what type of crisis he’s dealing with here. 

“Sooo, uh. Your daddy told me. You and Jonas, you two are…?” He winces at her lip-tremble, which confirms his worst suspicions. “That’s rough, kiddo.”

“I’ll never be happy again,” Nina sniffs miserably. “I love Jonas and now we’ll never see each other!”

“You are still in the same class,” Richie points out.

She whirls on him, eyes flashing lividly.

“We sit by last names! His is at the beginning, mine’s at the end!” With more venom than a child should be capable of, she hisses, “I hate the alphabet.” 

“O-Kay,” says Richie, truly at a loss. Luckily, she doesn’t seem inclined to talk about it anymore. Instead she stuffs her face back in the pillow, not quite fluffy enough to absorb her lovelorn sigh.

He pets her hair, curling it around his fingers, until the sniffles eventually dwindle. “Do you want us to make you a special dinner? Anything you want,” Richie cajoles.

Nina thinks it over, tilting her cheek enough to say, “Can you ask Daddy to make tuna casserole?”

Richie blanches. “Wha– Why?”

“I want my belly to feel as bad as my heart,” she mumbles.

He manages to keep a straight face as he bends to kiss her brow and leaves her to sulk, but it’s a close call. When he reports back to the kitchen with his news, there’s no tact necessary.

Eddie laughs ‘til he’s out of breath. “It isn’t funny,” he repeats, slightly winded.

“Of course not,” Richie agrees, failing to stifle his own grin.

“I love her, I’m sorry she’s hurting, but she’s so–”

“Theatric?”

“She gets that from you,” Eddie accuses.

“Excuse a moi?” Richie balks. “This, coming from the guy who kissed me out of the deadlights like some low-budget horror rebut of Sleeping Beauty?”

“What, should I have let the clown eat you?” Eddie glances his way, slyly. “I was referring to middle school. When you spent an entire night cranking your mom’s Bonnie Tyler records because I said you kind of looked like a frog, and you remembered how three weeks ago I told Bev I’d never kiss a frog even if it turned into a handsome prince?”

“Fucking Stanley,”  Richie huffs. “I swore him to secrecy. We spit on it and everything.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “At least for Nina, it’s only a crush. It could be worse,” he scoffs. “They could be dating.”

Richie tries to school his expression, he does, but – the thing is. After spending almost their whole fucking lives together, minus those twenty-two years of amnesia in between, Eddie can spot his tells from a mile away.

“Wait. They are?!” He slaps a hand over his mouth, aghast. “Our daughter is dating a nose-picker?”

He says it with the disdain of someone describing a serial killer.

“Ugh, Rich, that–ew! What if they hold hands after h–he–”

The suggestion of it alone has Eddie bending over the sink.

“Babe, c’mon.” Richie soothes a palm up-and-down his spine. “You’ve drilled the importance of hand-washing into Nina since she could walk. I doubt she’s carrying around any clingers.”

On cue, Eddie lets loose another dry heave.

“Will you stop?” he groans, glaring over his shoulder at Richie. “This is awful. Literally, of all the kids in her class, why this one?” 

“You’re blowing this way out of proportion,” says Richie, though Eddie’s eyebrows beg to differ. He loves his husband, deeply, irrevocably, but he’s also one of most ridiculous people on the planet. “Remember, we like Jonas? Jonas is nice! If a little unsanitary… He’ll grow out of it, though. Like I did.”

The words leave his mouth before his brain can flash any of the red warning signs. Slowly, ever so slowly, Eddie turns. They lock eyes. His gaze brims with the horror of this realization.

“Are you saying,” Eddie begins, dangerously low, “that you used to pick your nose when we were kids a-and then, you’d touch me?”

“Used to?” Richie grabs the fleeing Eddie and hauls him back before he really does leave him for their incredibly buff mailman.

“Babe!” he chuckles. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I swear! I swear on Ben’s chiseled abs!”

“Disgusting, you’re disgusting,” Eddie grumbles, wriggling in his grasp. “Let go of me, don’t even think of touching me with–”

All of a sudden, Eddie squeals, wracked with a full-bodied spasm.

“With what?” Richie taunts, continuing to tickle him. “With these filthy, boogery fingers of mine?”

“St–op!” Eddie wheezes. “I’m gonna piss my pants!”

“Don’t exploit my pee kink,” he snaps, which only makes Eddie wheeze harder.

“I’ve had my fingers in your ass,” Richie reminds. “In fact, you love my fingers in your ass.”

Whether from embarrassment or exertion, Eddie flushes. “Fuck you, that’s extremely different!”

“You’re right, it’s probably more disgusting.” Teeth skirting over his earlobe, Richie leans down, his voice a sultry hush, “Because I like to use my mouth there, too.”

Eddie muffles a moan into his fist. “I see what you’re doing,” he grits out. “And it won’t work. No way I’m sleeping with you now, nose-picker.”

Richie makes a wounded noise, clutching him more firmly to his chest. “Please, Eds, baby, I can change! I’ll go to meetings, therapy– I’ll never stick my finger anywhere you don’t want again!”

“I don’t know if I can ever look at you the same.” Eddie’s reply cuts off into a giggle as those fingers attack his flank. “Seriously, Rich, I am going to–!” 

They’re interrupted by the violent swing of Nina’s door against the wall.

“Will you two keep it down?!” she shouts. “I’m trying to mourn!”

The door slams shut again. They gawk at each other in silence. Finally, Richie pools enough blood into his brain to speak.

“Are we terrible parents?”

Eddie kisses the underside of his chin. “Ask me that when your semi isn’t plastered against my ass,” he says, flatly.

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@trashmouth_tozier

Hi my name is Richie and I’m a recovering nose-picker. Ages 3 thru 9 were rough, but with the support of my dear husband, I’ve managed to keep my fingers clean. Hope my story can help inspire someone else xx

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Bev: why did Eddie ask for the number of my divorce lawyer ?

Bev: nvm I saw your tweet

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Am I projecting my own snot-induced gag reflex onto Eddie? Yes. Do I still believe my characterization was spot-on? Yes again.  

[hemlock-ia]

I like reapers {Evan & Jun}

It was six days after their first date and Junmyeon had made sure to let Evan know he had something planned. He was sure to text the other (especially after the birthday gifts that had delighted him even though he had insisted not caring for his birthday at all). He also had lost two times at words with friends which had resulted in a lot of accusations of cheating from his side to Evan’s but it had all been in good fun. Currently he had tried to find other online games to play with the other and he had trained, it was all for the date of tonight. A date he had been looking forward to a ridiculous amount.

Ever since their first date he had been positively giddy, even after the small mental breakdown about being celibate for ten years. He had watched an unhealthy (in his opinion) amount of porn and had decided that people were still as fucked up as they had been when he had been having sex. Although the fact that ‘fidget spinner’ was one of the most searched terms had worried him and he sure as hell hoped Evan was not into balancing the plastic twisty toys on the top of his penis (but was sure he would try it if mentioned to him, Junmyeon made sure therefor not to mention it at all).

At little before six in the evening Junmyeon came over to Evan’s place, flying there as he preferred to do so and landing gracefully. He wasn’t wearing the chiq attire he had been wearing for their first date; instead he had texted the other to definitely dress down (‘not like that Evan, damn it, I meant just your regularly clothing’) and had done the same himself. He had switched his usual clothing that screamed I HAVE CLASS AND I CAN NOT LIE to an outfit that made him look a lot more like the age humans usually attached to him. Now 480 he had somewhat of a complex about dating a guy so much younger than him. Luckily he didn’t grey yet nor did he seem to look bad in a simple black T-shirt, admittedly an expensive one that felt soft to touch, and dark blue jeans. Only his shoes were the obvious expensive kind. He was wearing some slightly tinted sunglasses and his hair was styled to look ‘just out of bed, but with effort’.

He had gone to the barber that afternoon, just for this. Shoot him, he wanted to look perfect. Speaking about perfect, around his wrist was the bracelet the other had gifted him. It had been there every waking moment and even though Lexus had eyed it curiously he had told her no, this was his, and got her some more bells to play with. It might be noisy but she seemed to have found a new passion in life and was awfully happy with it. The owlite had accepted this as a fact of life now and stared her down whenever she played with it when he tried to nap in the shop but aside from that it was cute and good for business. Lexus had gathered a whole group of fans now and since some girls had filmed her and put her on Instagram she had become quite famous.

This all had brought some extra customers to his shop and, as dutiful as he was, he had send some of the customers to Evan’s shop too. Suggesting they might find things they would like there as well, one person seemed very interested in garden gnomes (why, Junmyeon would never understand) and he hoped Evan had made some extra sales too.

He also hoped the other had been eating better, he had send Evan several recipes that were simple and healthy. A n omelet with Tumeric, tomato and onions for breakfast. Some healthy taco tomatoes recipes (hoping the word taco would make Evan more likely to try it) and an easy chicken and noodle salad. Since Evan did not seem to have burned down his apartment he assumed it had all gone well if he had tried the recipes.

Junmyeon adjusted his clothing, even his underwear was new and he felt as good as one could feel on a second date with a guy he definitely, to his mild horror, fancied. Liked. Missed.

Yeah, so that had happened to his surprise. He had missed Evan and his shenanigans in the past days, not that he had been sitting by the window, wondering what the other was doing like some maiden in a tower waiting to be rescued but even with his busy days his mind had wandered off to the other quite often. When he got some new old comic books in he had kept them aside (and they were currently in the paper bag he was holding) and he had send the other several pictures and videos of Lexus, hoping to help him with his bird-fear (because really, how would Evan survive if he became Junmyeon’s steady boyfriend when the man was almost always attracting birds). He had come to the conclusion, as he had told Lexus, that he had fallen for Evan and he was afraid it would only deepen with the next date as it had with the first one. A date that had been perfect in its imperfection.

Finally at two minutes before six Junmyeon rang the bell to Evan’s apartment and waited, only to smile at the other shyly when he came into view and feel a warmth in the pit of his stomach as he saw the other.  “Ah, Evan-“ he greeted, shy all over again and he cursed himself out in his head for being like a teenage girl.”I’m uh- I brought you something.” He handed the other the paper bag that held five old She-hulk comics and two spiderman comics from the eighties. They might not be the most desirable of comicbooks but they had made Junmyeon think of Evan. “No Batman comics I’m afraid, but when I get some I will be sure to hold them back for you.”

“I have ordered a cab for us, it will be at the edge of town in about ten minutes since we won’t be able to drive back. “ or well, that was the plan. Similarly how Evan had tried to organize something Junmyeon liked, he had tried to do the same within the boundaries of his anxiety of course. “And Lexus says hi, she hopes you come by soon.” He added “She misses you.” Which was not entirely true but was more a way to indicate that Junmyeon had missed the other.

He leaned in close before pressing a kiss against his lips. Which backfired because apparently he was static and it stung. The owlite let outa surprised sound and stammered backward as he touched his lips and looked at the other accusatory as if Evan had done it on purpose. “seems there’s a spark.” He closed his eyes at his lame joke.

“Let’s get to the cab.”

@evankim-ia