#after the past 2 weeks im starting to feel burnt out and this is the shit icing on the shit cake | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hitoshisbabygirl · 4 years ago

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Keys hit the table and the usual grunt of cuss words fill the living room of the shared apartment of Bakugou and his roommate [ ]. Hearing the angry blonde enter [ ] felt herself getting up as she entered into the shared living room of them “Bad day?” She asked as vermillion eyes glanced towards her concerned [ ] ones. “ ‘M fine'' The usual grunt filled the room as he pushed back past the worried girl. Frowning and used to this curt greeting of his from the last few days [ ] sighed and went back to their kitchen yelling to the blonde that she started a shower for him, getting no real response from him.

Bakugou and [ ] had an odd relationship. They started to live together because of the boys burning his kitchen on their day off when they all lived together. He told the others ‘She was the only smart one out of his dumbass friends and the only one he could trust to not burn his place down’ and with that the usual group of Sero, Denki and Kirishima moved out of his place and to the place beside him ,the group wanting to still be around the grumpy blonde. [ ] was used to coming over with Mina and the group being around before Bakugou asked her, quite aggressively one day ( Oi you're moving in with me, i'm tired of these dumbasses destroying my place on their days off of patrol) which is how they ended in this arrangement

Even with Bakugou being a handsome and very popular hero with ladies, he never had anyone over, no awkward run-ins with [ ] staying there, nothing at all. He rarely even left the house to visit the others unless he knew he had the time for it. Bakugou was dedicated , being the #2 hero he had little time for much outside of work. He refused to take brakes, no matter how much [ ] and the others tried to get him out hed huff and puff about work until he actually had fun at whatever function it was that he was dragged to so he could get fresh air

He'd been like this since highschool when she met him. Angry , confidence that was more like cockyness, a temper to be messed with, prideful and not afraid to speak his mind, good or bad. [ ] could remember from when she used to get paired with him how smart he actually was, but how he could also belittle you if you didn't realize he gave you backward compliments. She owns him over with taking him head to head on, in practice battles and in the work behind the scenes. Bakugou wouldn't admit it but [ ] kept him together, more than he let show on the outside. From bandaging him up after an intense fight, to letting him vent when he was angry ; [ ] was there for everything, his good , bad and ugly.

Hearing the showeer turn off [ ] continued to find them something to eat as the silence in the room was comforting. As dinner started she took his hero clothes to the washer, starting the load so he'd have a fresh outfit, even with him having multiples of the hero costume, he was quite fawn of the one that he had gotten during highschool, the measurements needing to be increased heavily for his now large size but that was nothing for [ ]. As a gift once he got his own agency she had repaired the old threads, even going far enough to bulking them up so they'd be less prone to ripping or shrinking. That was the one time [ ] had seen emotion flash through the stoic blonde before he thanked her, genuinely with a rare smile that blessed his face.

Soon though, she felt a presence in the room. Turing around she was met with those same vermillion eyes, this time the look in them unreadable as he stared his friend down “Yes Kasuki?” [ ] said as she turned back to the boiling pot of rice on the stove “What Are cooking?” He asked as he stood over the aisle to see what she was stirring. “Rice so far, do you want chicken, fish or beef to go with it?” She asked as she turned to the still staring blonde, his eyes wavering as she stared back at him “Are you okay Suki?” [ ] said again as he pushed himself up , crossing around the aisle before going to her side “You don't have to do this for me” He said as she ignored him “ So Chicken is fine?” “[ ], i'm not a child you don't have to keep treating me like one” Sighing the girl turned to him, seeing that he was hunched over the counter, stretching his back as she could see the pained expression as he pulled out the muscle “Sit down yeah? Consider this an early birthday present to you” [ ] said as he gave her a glare “That doesn't mean you have to constantly cook and do shit like this for me, I have two weeks before it anyway” “Katsuki, sit down and take the kindness i'm giving you and hush” Pointing with her stirring spoon [ ] shooed the now grumbling and fussing blonde away. Just a usual day in the apartment

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hearing a loud cuss from the living room [ ] got up to see her roommate slump against the door, face tensed in apin as he ganced to the concerned girl “Shit, fix your face princess ‘m fine, just a bit of - fuck…- jsut soem pain is all” Reaching for the blonde [ ] helped him in, the larger male trying to hold up his weight as much as he could as she helped him to their bigger bathroom, sitting him on the toilet “Do you have any cuts or anything? Should we go to the doctor?” [ ] asked as a large hand sat over hers that went for his shirt “Im okay [ ], just some bruising and some little cuts here and there okay? Don't worry your pretty head about me” Feeling her face heat up she ignored what he said and started to help him out of his clothes, showing her a dark and slightly bloody mess of his rib cage. Wincing from the sight alone she started to lightly clean around the open wounds and surface scrapes around them. As she did he told her about the recent building that was destroyed from him using his blast too intense in one area like the villains he fought wanted him to. Another bad habit of BAkugous was beating himself up when he felt like he did poorly, which took a lot of trying to get him to let out. He would just overwork himself instead of relaxing and taking time to cool off and realize he wasn't the issue. “Any pain when I push here?” with a slight push bakugou hissed, eyes closing as she pressed deeper on his rib cage “Sorry sorry” Wrapping him up as tight as he could take [ ] stooped to look over his injuries, a frown on her lips “Stop it” Bakugou said, causing the girl to blink at him “ Stop what?” She asked as he met her eyes in the mirror “You're pouting. I'm a big boy thats what me being a hero is for i can take it , don't baby me” Her frown now deeping [ ] pushed his shoulder “Well you need a break , last week you were babying your shoulder now your ribs, im calling you in sick” Growling Bakugou went to sat something until he saw her face ; fear. She was afraid one night he wouldn't come home, that it would be the others telling her he was gone permanently. With a deep sigh he reached for her hand, pulling her back to him as he gave her a hug. Concerned and trying to come to her racing heart she looked up to those deep eyes of his, the same concert starting to fill them “ [ ]...i'll take the week off it makes you happy and rest, I’ll be okay alright? Just...please..I dont want to disappoint the one person who helps me even when im stupid and tells me what i need to hear without just agreeing with me” Shocked at his words all [ ] could do was rub his arm and bury her face in his warm chest, inhaling the smell of smoke and burnt caramel from his skin “Oi princess..” He rasped out as she just hummed , not moving from her spot. With ease the still injured blonde picked her up effortlessly and placed her on the sink, causing her to cry out. Slowly he let his hands trace her face, their eyes studying the other as he pressed his forehead to hers “Thank you..for dealing with me” He whispered against her lips as they slowly closed the gap between them, lips sealing in a soft peck. As soon as it happened it was over, Bakugou pulled away before he got too invested. Biting his bottom lip he gave her a lopsided smile, heading to his bedroom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4/20, The day of the birthday boy Katsuki rolled in a lot faster than he thought it would. Sitting up slowly he looked around his dark room, the bright light of 2:00 am mocking him as he got up to go to his kitchen. Seeing [ ] humped over at the computer sparked the explosion heros curiosity. Finishing his glass of water she came over to her, seeing that she had one last piece of paper in her hands that strangely looked like….

“Are those my reports?” a deep voice rumbled out. Letting out a screech [ ] jumped, turning in the swiveling chair to an almost adorable sight. A shirtless and sleepy Bakugou was rubbing his eyes as he let himself focus on her “Uhm...well yeah they are. They're all done now!” [ ] said as she gave him a wide smile whined the blondes' frowns deeped “You did all of my paperwork?” He said in disbelief as she looked at her hands , picking at her hand “Well yeah...I wanted you to have a non stressful birthday” She admitted as he scoffed , getting closer to her as he wrapped his arms around her neck and the top of the chair “You're so sweet...too good for me….” He grumbled as he hid his face in the nervous girl's neck. Gasping as she felt his hot lips kiss the junction of her neck she couldn't help but lean over more . letting him absentmindedly kiss her all over her shoulder and neck, little ‘Thank yous’ spilling from the tired man's lips. Still following his same path he worked his way up to her cheek, basking in the little laugh she let out as he nuzzled under her chin. Slowly what happened a few days ago repeated itself, they were face to face as his still sleep swarming eyes stared back at her curious ones. Tapping her bare leg from her seat she moved as he took her by the arm to his room. Hearing her heart in her ears [ ] sucked in a breath as he flopped on his luxury bed, making grabby hands at the standing girl. Giggling [ ] crawled in the bed with him as he pulled her on top of him “[ ]....” He groaned as she looked at him. Licking his lips as whispering Bakugou spoke “ I really like you...You and shitty hair dont have to do much for me all i want is you…” He said as she gave him a wide eyed look, not sure she heard him right “Yeah im finally admitting it...ive had a crush on you for a while...i never noticed it until Shitty hair called me out for having a worse mood when that good for nothing vibrating little shit tried to steal you from me at the banquet” As the comfortable silence filled the room he spoke up again “ And i really...wanna kiss you….but im scared you wouldn't like me back...after all these years of dealing with my shit and how i can be...your like a godsend to me..” As he opened his eyes to her he was surprised to feel her lips press against his , full and warm. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her in his lap as they kissed more and more, the kiss becoming deeper as she pulled away, whispering a soft ‘ I love you’ as he kissed her again until they drifted to sleep in eachothers arms.

#mha #bakugou katsuki #fluffy #ah domestic Bakugou #4/20 happy birthday Bakugou!#hbd baby #I love this man 🥺#my angry pompom #bakugou x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha #katsuki bakugo x reader #this was supposed to post yesterday but yknow it didn’t work 😀#i hate it here sometimes #ahem anyway #enjoy!#💕💕

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beauty-grace-outer-space · 4 years ago

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your tags on my post slapped me across the face. yes fucking yes. the fall from academic grace hits a whole lot harder when you've been excessively built up and built up for years and then come crashing down. i constantly feel like im letting everyone and younger self down. the whole thing about IDENTITY is so true too! x adhd-vibes

Well, your post came into my house and punched me in the gut, so...

But no, I really genuinely appreciate posts talking about the gifted child + neurodivergence duality because it’s... a lot. And I feel like I’m only just starting to understand-- well, my entire life, basically.

My entire life past the age of ~13 has been a constant up and down of thriving and burnout, a lot of self loathing and doubt over my perceived failure, and a lot of depression and anxiety. And I just found out last year that a fair portion of it can likely be chalked up to the fact that I’ve had ADHD my entire life, my parents found out when I was four years old, and no one told me.

I started kindergarten at four. I was already reading chapter books. I’d finish reading the assignments before the teacher even finished handing them out, and be up and causing distractions because I was bored. They talked about bumping me to second grade, but I was already the youngest in my class and they didn’t want to create more of an age gap.

I did first grade half in English, half in Japanese to keep me “challenged”. The Japanese teacher hated that I was so young, and after a while refused to teach me.

My second grade teacher made a rule that I could sit any way I liked, or move around however I wanted, so long as I could touch my desk.

My third grade teacher set up a play area for students who finished their work early, and I spent most of my time there.

My fourth grade teacher recommended fantasy novels and read to us during downtime.

My fifth grade teacher helped me and my friends start a writing club, and she’d read our short stories and give us notes so we could work on our drafts when we were done with our schoolwork.

And then sixth grade and algebra happened and I could not for the life of me do the assignments well. I worked with friends in a study group. I had three different math teachers try to help me, in case one clicked differently. They’d watch me do the work, step by step, and one of two things would happen:

1. Either I’d do the work perfectly, but the answer was entirely wrong and they couldn’t figure out why

2. I’d do the work all wrong, but get the right answer every time.

But since you had to show your work for full credit, I went from a straight A student to mostly A’s and a C in math, no matter what I did.

My self esteem tanked. Most of my memories from middle school are of sitting alone at the dining room table sobbing because I felt stupid, and like a failure, and I just wanted to die, and sitting at a table focusing on only one thing with no background noise or stimulation was torture in and of itself. I finally got my mom to let me listen to the radio while I worked, and it helped a little, but night after night I’d sit there, sob through my math homework, and wish to disappear.

All of the self-loathing and stress manifested into extreme anxiety. I started washing my hands constantly, because that I could control. My hands cracked and bled. I kept washing.

I started self harming, and my mom found out and took me to see a therapist (who is still my therapist to this day), and I was diagnosed with OCD and Major Depressive Disorder, as well as Seasonal Affective Disorder.

By the time high school started, the handwashing had mostly stopped but still flared up again occasionally, and I was on track to graduate with highest honors following the “College Prep Honors” curriculum track. I made the National Honor Society, and did student government as well as zero hour choir and drama. I took Honors English and excelled.

But to complete the degree, I’d have to take Algebra I freshman year, Algebra II Honors sophomore year, Algebra III/Trig junior year, and Calculus senior year.

I got a C in Algebra I. I lost my National Honor Society status because of the GPA drop. I quit student government because I was ashamed.

I was told to drop Algebra II Honors two weeks in, because I was going to fail the class. This meant I would not get the diploma I wanted, but the secondary “College Prep” diploma.

I fell into a deep depression, decided I was stupid, and stopped trying. My report cards after that for the rest of high school were an assortment of A’s, B’s, C’s, even a D or two. I hated myself for not living up to my potential, for being a disappointment to my parents, for being so stupid.

I went back to therapy. I graduated high school. I went to college. I burnt out.

I took a gap year because I was suicidal and didn’t know what to do. I went back to therapy.

I transferred to a university. I burnt out. I dropped out, because I was suicidal and didn’t know what to do. I went back to therapy.

And when I was 27 years old, I found a box of old school stuff from elementary school, and as my mom and I laughed about it she told me that an administrator who specialized in identifying attention deficit disorders had observed me in kindergarten at the request of my teacher because I was causing distractions, told them that he was entirely certain I had what was at the time called ADD... and not to have me officially diagnosed in order to keep it out of my school record and avoid any “challenges to my desired educational path”.

Teachers were told, and chosen specifically to work with me and not against me, which I appreciate greatly.

I was never told.

On the one hand, I can see how my parents just didn’t want me to go through life believing I had something “wrong” with me, didn’t want me to be held back from pursuing any classes I wanted to take because of my “diagnosis”, and didn’t want me to be “unnecessarily medicated”. I appreciate the time and care that went into trying to guide me along and give me safe environments to be my authentic self without being told it was a hindrance or a “problem”.

But the more I learn the more I can’t help but wish someone had told me.

Because I spent the last 16 years of my life thinking that somewhere along the way I had “lost” something, or “failed”, and really it was a pretty predictable and manageable sequence of events.

I’ve since learned that a lot of the things I’ve always done that I’ve felt uncomfortable or “odd” about... are stims. Minor ones, but stims, nonetheless.

I’ve since learned that I was bullied pretty severely for being “weird” in elementary school, but I have no memory of it.

I’ve since learned that dyscalculia is thing, and very well could have contributed to my ongoing struggle with math.

And for the rest of my life I will wonder if knowing would have changed anything. If my depression is a side effect of this thing I didn’t know about myself, or a separate piece of me. Who I might have been if my entire identity wasn’t tied to my perceived sudden loss of intelligence and potential.

Anyway. I’ve rambled quite enough. If anyone wants to talk about any of this, or vent, or ask questions, feel free. This is the post we are referring to, by the by.

#adhd #depression #ocd #anxiety #tw suicidal thoughts mentioned #studying #school #gifted kids #neurodivergence #long post #bullying #self worth #identity

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theloversthedreamersandme82 · 3 years ago

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Director's commentary on....you guessed it......Elaborate Lives 😁

Thanks @pumpkinspicelove sorry this took so long to get to, Christmas happened and my secret santa fic took priority.

Ok, so I feel like i've already said a lot in my previous post, But there's also so much left to talk about.

So random dot points starting at chapter 1

The original idea came from Jeanuary 2020, and was inspired by this pic.

Li begins a lot of her sentences with 'I think' because 1. English is her second language and 2. A lack of confidence in what she's saying

Many of the song lyrics i use speak into the situation they're in. For instance “Aida! Aida! All we ask of you is a lifetime of service, wisdom, courage To ask more would be selfish But nothing less will do Aida! Aida!” This is as Jean is feeling slightly overwhelmed and burnt out by trying to chose a musical. These lyrics reflect the pressure she feels is on her. And then this “I know expectations are wild and almost beyond my fulfillment but they won't hear a word of a doubt or see signs of weakness My nigh on impossible duty is clear If I can rekindle my ancestors' dreams It's enough" These lyrics echo her thoughts of not letting Patrick win and her belief that the musical is important and she will do anything to keep it going.

I got into an argument with my friend over the Lord of the rings reference. Im not familiar with the books or the movies and messaged him asking if they made 1 book per movie. He refused to believe that anyone wouldn't know how many lord of the rings movies they had made, especially if they were a fan of the books, and i got so frustrated with him being so insistent and not understanding the character of Alice, or fic in general, i gave up.

When i picked the song for the singalong, i put on a spotify playlist called "Songs to sing in the car" and 'Don't go breaking my heart' was the first one, and i used that to begin with, but the second song that played was 'I got you, babe' and i just loved the idea of using it so much that 'don't go breaking my heart' was only used to set the scene. "I got you, babe" was a bit more mellow and less upbeat.

And again the use of the lyrics at the end of the information session echo Jean's thoughts “It's knowing what they want of me that scares me It's knowing having followed, I must lead It's knowing that each person there compares me To those in my past whom I now succeed But how can whatever I do for them now Be enough, be enough?”

When i wrote chapter 6 I had been watching a LOT of Brooklyn 99. and after this line “Well I suppose it’s always good to have more guys” Jean shrugged. I had to stop myself from writing a 'that's what she said' joke.

I specifically chose 'anyone can whistle' as Li's song as it speaks to the frustration she feels that she wants to sing, but her lack of confidence is holding her back. “What's hard is simple. What's natural comes hard. Maybe you could show me How to let go, Lower my guard, Learn to be free.

The custard tart reference was to honour Sir Geoffrey Palmer who had passed the week i wrote this chapter and who's character Lionel in 'as time goes by' was always wanting a custard tart.

The part where Lucien tells Jean about Mei LIn, its almost as if Lucien doesn't realise how much he is telling Jean. He hasn't told anyone some of what hes saying but he feels so safe with Jean that it just all comes out. He's been so focused on Li and getting her acclimatised he hasn't realised how much he was keeping bottled up, and once the lid is off it all comes rushing out.

I think i did put a post up about Chookas, but its an australian slang term meaning good luck. it comes from the 1900's where a full house meant the performers could afford to eat chicken. "Chook it is" was called if there was a good audience, and as Aussies shorten everything, over the years it evolved to 'Chookas!"

Mattie's audition song "I can't believe my heart" echoes both Alice and Jean's thoughts, about Lucien and Matthew. I especially like the idea of Alice loving this song. I feel she went and added it to her spotify. “If life is worth the disappointment; I hadn't seen one reason yet, Until I met the boy who smiles for free. Upon this Earth, there's no one like him. He sees the girl I long to be. Making even me believe in me.

And you've had my commentary on Chapter 11 already. And i'm just going to reiterate how much I love writing the Clasby sisters.

Now that Fictober is well and truly over, and Secret Santa is done and dusted, maybe i might have some time to work on a new chapter to post 🤞

#directors commentary #elaborate lives #el #the doctor blake mysteries #tdbm fic #thanks #pumpkinspicelove #kermit writes #my writing #lucien blake #jean beazley

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incorrect-miraith-quotes · 4 years ago

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(A/N yes, this is an incorrect quote acc but I can write actual good stuff too 😳)

Drinks and Sunsets

7:00 AM (3 hours before the match starts)

“Renee!! Wake up please, there is breakfast!” Natalie shouted at the closed door infront of her. Renee had fallen asleep at an ungodly time trying to find out more about herself and well, it didnt work out the way she wanted. She groaned, squeezing her eyes tight while moving her arms up. She stretched and eventually popped her shoulder which caused her to scream but not really scream if you understand what I mean. She cursed at herself for not going to sleep earlier knowing that there was a game today. She sat up, shading her eyes from the window that shown the bright sun. Her head turned to the door when she heard knocks coming from the other side. “someone’s there” Renee’s voices whispered, echoing throughout her ears. “No shit sherlock,” She hissed.

“Wra- I mean Renee~ wait no- sorry. Renee are you gonna eat?” Elliot sputtered, clearing his throat. “Depends on what it is,” She sighed. “It’s uH..pancakes I think? I dont know, Ramya was chosen to be the one who cooks today. They looked..burnt,” He explained, shuddering from the thought of Ramya’s pancakes. “I guess, give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll head out. Wait for me?” Renee asked, getting up and walking to her dresser. “Uh..yeah, yeah I’ll wait for you. Dont worry about a thing..you worried cause I’m not..haha..ha..,” Elliot trailed off, sliding down to the floor until he hit his arse on the concrete. Renee chuckled to herself in his stupidity and got dressed. She wore a black tank top with short grey shorts and her black sneakers with her ankle high socks (black of course). She unlocked her door and peered over to the tall man crouched next to her door, falling asleep.

“Wake up Elliot, I thought I was the one to wake up hm?” She flicked his forehead, causing him to rub the spot where he was hit. “Ow ow ow- Why??” Elliot questioned, confused as to why he was hit. “You were gonna start drooling so..anyways, breakfast?” Renee pulled him up, almost falling backwards. “I mean that’s why I’m here right? Right? i hope Im right..,” Elliot trailed off again, starting his journey towards the kitchen with the small woman behind him. Everynow and then he would peek back to make sure she was still there and not inside a portal. “You’re safe with him” Renee looked up at Elliot, the voice echoing throughout her mind. “You like him dont you” Renee looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face in annoyance, internally screaming at the voices. “I don’t, you guys always assume things,” she whispered, looking at the random framed pictures hung up on the wall. “Elliot!” Renee shouted at the still walking man. He jumped slightly and flinched, “y-yeah? What’s up?” “Kitchen is right here doofus,” She nodded her head towards the room, “How did you manage to miss this big ass room??” “I guess it was an accident, never done that before haha,” He sighed and apologized. The so called pancakes were sitting on a top of a white ceramic plate, getting colder by the minute. “I wouldn’t even dare to try them..I mean you could but- It probably wouldnt be good..,” He walked over to the counter, “If you want, I can cook somthing up for you?” “That would be nice thank you and uh..can you make me some coffee? You know how I like it already,” She sat down at the large dinner table, laying her head down. “Yeah I can do that for ya, anything you want in particular?” Elliot asked but was met with silence. He peeked over and saw she was sleeping soundly with her head in her arms. Elliot took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders then went back to the kitchen.

8:37 AM (1:30 hours before the match starts)

“Breakfast is ready Renee,” he shook her gently until she stirred, “Mornin’ beaut- I-I mean um..sleepyhead..? Yeah..that’s the word..sleepyhead.” “Mmm..mor-“ She clears her throat and rubs her eyes, “morning..sorry I fell asleep I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She looked down at the scrambled eggs and toast that were neatly placed onto the plate infront of her. “It’s fine, I didnt wanna bother you because I thought you’d kill me,” He admitted, taking off the apron that was tied around his waist. He placed it on the hook next to the fridge where a stickynote was left by Octavio not to touch his jello. The only person he let touch his stuff was Natalie. Renee picked up the fork and began eating. “You should date him” “No,” She whispered, furrowing her brows as she picked up a piece of egg with her fork. She watched as the tall man made her coffee just the way she likes it; black with a little bit of sugar and creamer. She was never one to like sweet coffee like everyone else. He poured the jug’s contents into her prefered mug. He added the little things she liked and carried it over to where she was sitting. She thanked him with a small, almost unnoticable, smile. Renee sat there with her cup close to her nose, smelling the bitter coffee aroma. She cooled it before sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of her morning coffee.

“Hey Elliot, do you know what time it is?” She questioned the other who was washing the pan. He checked his phone and replied, “8:52” Renee stood up and brought her plate to the sink after she was done eating. “Could you wash these for me? I need to freshen up in my room,” She handed him the plate, “thanks.” She started making her way towards her room; which consisted of one right and a lot of walking straight. But she never got tired of it since she was happy she lived comfortably with her friends. The 2 rooms that were next to hers were Natalie’s and Ajay’s. The boys were on the opposite side so in front of her was Elliot. The hallway she lived in held 6 legends at a time 3 girls, 3 boys. Renee’s hallway had Ajay, her, and Natalie and then Octavio, Elliot, and Tae. The others had their hallways, some with empty rooms for future legends. Natalie was never really in her room since she was always with Octavio. It was weird, seeing two polar opposites living together. Then there were Ajay and Tae, she managed to make friends with him. I’m pretty sure Tae is still annoyed but is warming up to her.

“Oh! Youre awake finally,” Natalie smiled, walking out of Octavio’s room, “You never woke up so I had to get Elliot to help me..” Renee stood there at her door with the key in the slot, “Yeah, Ive just been...thinking.”

“Hm, well I hope you get some more sleep. Oh and goodluck with the match today!”

“You arent participating today?”

“Non, Ive been feeling unwell for the past few hours”

“Why aren’t you in bed then?”

“Well, Tavi was getting Ajay but he hasnt come back yet”

“You should be resting Nat..”

“Im okay I swear! Pas besoin de s'inquiéter,” She smiled softly and weakly. She was still in the large shirt Octavio gave her to sleep in and pajama pants. She had a small nessy plush tucked into her elbow, being squished tightly. “Chica! Get back in the bed right now or else im going to llevarte allí yo mismo,” Octavio came back with soup and meds, shouting at the sickly girl. “Ah, Tavi.. Je suis désolé I was just wondering where you were.,” She hugged the plush closer to her fragile body. “Come here conejita, lets get you better,” He lifted her up into his arms, still carrying the supplies Ajay had given him, “When you are done being sick I am going to....”

“Lovebirds,” Renee sighed and closed the door to her room, preparing for the match ahead of her. She got her battle gear on and re-did her messy bun into a neat one. Her kunai rested on the counter, untouched in its holster. She picked it up and unsheathed it, smiling at the small sparks of void that emitted out of it. She put it away and hooked the holster to her belt. “You know you wanna be like them, you cant deny it” The voices teased. “You guys really want me in a relationship huh,” Renee flopped backwards onto her messy bed. She didnt have time to make it in the morning but now she can. She checked her phone and scrolled through her social medias. Elliot made her download them and every now and then, Elliot will make her post a picture or something. She always got tagged in fanart and random posts about her in the matches. She would occasionally like some and they would freak out and thank her. She scrolled through her tagged until she came across one post. It was fanart of her and Elliot, sitting together with their hands intertwined watching the sunset. Renee blushed slightly at the art. She saw that Elliot had already liked it, but seeing as he likes all posts that he got tagged in, it wasnt weird. She hesitantly liked it and turned off her phone. “Maybe I do like him” Her thoughts were interupted when someone knocked at the door.

9:34 (couple minutes until the match starts. The ship still has to arrive at the arena, World’s Edge)

“Renee! Get yuh ass over here ‘cause the match starts soon!” Ajay’s voice boomed through the door. Her footsteps could be heard on the other side as she walked away. Renee stood up and stretched while walking towards where Ajay just was. She opened the door to see Elliot walking out of his room. “Oh hey Ren..can I call you that? Im gonna call you that..anyways, hi. Wanna walk together?” She nodded, “Okay cool, lets start heading over before everyone leaves without us.” They walked in a comfortable silence over to their friends. Octavio was in a corner moping since he didnt have his love interest with him while Crypto spied on him from another corner. He was still mad that Nat rejected him a few weeks ago to be with Octavio. It was crazy hearing that he was sulking around in his room for hours on end. But back to the main girl in this story, Renee sat down on one of the couches that sat in the middle of the room. Everyone was ready to board the dropship to head over to the arena. Here is what was going around, Gibby and Ajay were laughing together,Octavio was..unenergetic for once, Tae was in the corner, Loba was fixing her nails while Rev watched her on the wall, Alexander was playing around with his gas, and lastly Ramya was chewing gum while playing on her phone. It was always bustling in the living space because its where everyone socialized other than the bar. A small yet loud alarm was sounded to let all the legends know it was time to board the dropship.

“Woo-hoo! It’s finally time to go,” Octavio said unenthusiastically. Everyone walked in one-by-one or in pairs. They all strapped up in their skydiving equipment and was prepared for the long drop ahead of them. Renee stood next to Elliot’s room in the ship while the others either went to their rooms or sat in the middle. (Reference back to the season 3 trailer for room placement) Renee was flippping her kunai peacefully while Elliot rambled about something in his room. She enjoyed listening to him talk about nonsense while the quiet humming of the ship was surrounding them. It was peaceful, atleast to her. It blocked out most of the voices and when she was around Elliot they seemed to shut up and occasionally tease her. The drop ship shook a bit and Elliot tripped a little but caught himself. Renee didnt mind turbulence since she didnt really care about anything really, she tenses up a bit sometimes but thats about it. Her scarf end swayed as the ship lowered slowly. Suddenly the screens flashed on and displayed everyone’s banners. Everyone gets a chance to customize and submit their banners to headquarters. The teams were as listed,

Lifeline, Crypto, and Gibraltar

Octane, Caustic, and Bloodhound

Mirage, Wraith, and Loba

Revenant, Pathfinder, Bangalore

Rampart

Everyone stood on their respective platforms also known as where the screens flashed their names. The champions were shown not even a minute later, Wraith’s team was shown and she said a voiceline to taunt her enemies of the day. The metal shifted under their feet and lowered slowly, revealing the bright, cold arena. Everyone at this point was used to the cold though, they were glad it was world’s edge because kings canyon during those months was scorching. Comms were switched on and everyone tested out the mics. Everything was set up and ready to go so teams started dropping towards their locations. Wraith was jumpmaster and pinged on the map, Fragment West. Everyone knew both of Fragment was dangerous and it was hotdrop that game too. You can bet that there were multiple death boxes surrounding the small yet large area. Wraith was already kill leader with 7 kills from the popular spot. Bullets were heard in the distance and Wraith portaled to gain some speed while Loba teleported and Mirage had to run. He wasn’t a running person for long distances so he just took wraith’s portal.

“W- Wait up you two! I dont have a movement ability!!” He cried out to the two girls. The two looked at eachother and giggled while looking back at the energy drained man. “Danger move” Wraith looked around and pinged an enemy and phased away out of danger. Again, Loba teleported away and Mirage was left alone to run away. They hit him good but he managed to get behind cover. Wraith lended him some shield cells and syringes and shot at the other team with her sentinel. The other team was Octane’s team and they were stacked; Octane had gold armour while his teammates had red evo. Octane also had a peacekeeper that he got from a carepackage just next to them. It was a long fight, from gas being thrown on them to the ring closing in on the two teams. They had been fighting for so long they didnt even realize that there were only 3 teams in total left. Wraith’s team, Octane’s team, and lastly Pathfinder. I would say Pathfinder’s team but his teammates died and the banner timers ran out, he was left solo.

“Everyone try to watch your backs, the robot could try to ambush one of us,” Loba turned to face her teammates, occassionally looked up and around for the tall simulacrum. “Spotted him, up there. He has a longbow and what seems to be a flatline on his back. I could snipe him down if that’s what you want,” Wraith calmly called out, pulling out her sentinel and charging it. “Go ahead beautiful,” Loba replied. In an instant, a loud, charged sentinel bullet was shot and killed the robot up on the hill, instantly eliminating him. Now, it was just Octane and Wraith’s teams left to fight. “Nice kill Re- I mean,” He cleared his throat, “Nice kill Wraith..” Wraith smiled and thanked him silently while eyeing down the other team. Seconds went by and both teams rushed eachother. Bullets whizzed by eachothers heads and occasionally hit their shoulders or legs. Octane’s team was low on meds while the other team was low on ammo. Another minute of fighting passes and Wraith’s team is deemed the champion. When they were back in the drop ship everyone congratulated them for winning even though they were in a tight spot. There was an after match party happening in an hour so everyone went back to their rooms to clean up after a long day and get dressed. Renee was first to her room to take a shower while the others stayed in the kitchen or hallways sparking conversations with eachother. While Renee took her cold shower, Elliot decided it was be such a good idea to just waltz into her room to ask her a question not knowing that she was relaxing without voices for once.

“Hey Renee! I was just wondering if you wanted to match for the uh..,” He paused, looking around, “Renee? Where are you??” He looked around the empty yet messy room. Clothes thrown everywhere and notebooks and hairties were strewn about. Her messy bed showing how much she slept that night, which it wasn’t much. He began to worry about her well-being and if she even actually took care of herself. He heard the loud shower running so he went and knocked on the bathroom door. But before he actually knocked, he thought about the things that could happen if he knocked on her bathroom door when she didnt even know that he was in her room. He’d be killed. Before he knew what was coming he accidentally knocked on the door infront of him like a reflex. He heard the girl inside gasp loudly with a few things dropping. He startled her, which was a first for him. He was in shock and did not want to move. “She’s like a T-Rex, if I dont move she cannot see me-“ He was cut off when the door swung open and a semi-dryed off Renee was standing in-front of him. She had her body wrapped with a towel and her still damp hair dripped along the floor and her scarred shoulders.

“How are you in here and what do you want,” She said firmly with an annoyed face. “One, your door was open, two, I wanted to ask if you wanted to match outfits for the after match thing..,” He sighed looking away, “Nevermind, it was a dumb question of course you dont.” He turned and apologized but before he could leave the room Renee stopped him. “Who said I didn’t want to? I wouldn’t mind matching with you,” She stepped over to her closet and sifted through the dresses section, “What color or style were you thinking of?” Elliot was astonished that she actually agreed to do anything with him. “I was thinking accents of purple..? I think it would look nice on both of us,” He sat down on a nearby chair in her room, looking away from her slender body. “Fine with me, now turn around,” She made sure he had his eyes closed and was turned around in order to change. She dropped the towel and peered back just in case. “You want him to see you” “Tell him to turn around” “Let him touch you” The voices were surrounding her but she managed to ignore them. When she finished getting dressed she had Elliot turn around.

“Wow..,” Elliot had no words for the sight in front of him. She wore a long black dress that had a slit on the side with a fluffy, purple boa draped over her shoulders and she was wearing heels making her as tall as him. She played with her hair a bit out of embarrassment while looking away. “You look..amazing,” Elliot was admiring her features that he acted like he’d never seen before, “I just- have no words.” “I dont look that good relax,” Renee walked over to her dresser and put on a necklace that had a purple gem in the middle. “Are you going to just stand there and not go to your room and get dressed?” Renee peered over at him from the mirror. “Right..right yeah, Ill be back to ‘pick you up’,” He opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. She sighed and thought out loud, “What am I going to do about him?” She put her hair in a half bun-half hair down sort of style and finished her look with mascara and a slight tint to her lips. She slipped on short black gloves and grabbed a clutch that had small purple accents on it. “He will like it” “For once you look nice” “People are going to judge you” “Nobody will approach you” “People are going to hate you” The voices started off nice but went downhill and piled hate after hate onto her. She pushed them away and mumbled to herself that tonight will be a good night. Light knocking was heard and she went to open the door, her heels clicking with every step.

“Ready to gooooo-“ He looked her up and down and smiled, “You’re beautiful” He tucked a stray strand from her hair behind her ear, “Let’s be on our way before the limosu- limosio- limo gets here.” He held out a hand and she gladly took it. They held hands for most of the way until Renee let go to check her clutch for something. She pulled it out and checked it before slipping it back in. It was her Apex ID, aka the only way to get into Apex events. You can be one of the legends but they wouldnt let you in without it since people knew how to look almost identical to them. She didn’t regrab his hand after that, she wanted to make sure no one saw. When they got to the front of the building everyone was in their formal attire. Octavio was wearing a green suit top with tailored shorts to go along with it and Natalie wore a white party dress that had orange and blue accents, Anita was in a classic suit talking to Loba who was in a short gold dress, Crypto was in a white suit with green accents, Rampart was in a blouse and office pants, Gibby was in a suit while Ajay wore a long blue dress, Bloodhound wore their goggles along with a suit that had a red cloth in its pocket, and Alexander wore a plain black suit. Revenant doesn’t dress up he said. Pathfinder simply went as himself for the night. After a couple minutes of waiting the limo drove up to the curb of the building. Everyone piled in close together and began conversations with eachother. Elliot and Renee sat really close together due to the limo being quite small for a bunch of legends. Some minutes pass and Renee’s eyes are starting to close. She finally let the sleepiness take over her and her head softly fell onto Elliot’s shoulder. He looked over at her and smiled. Most of the legends eyed them and mouthed for him not to move one bit or she would murder him.

“Elliot..,” Renee mumbled in her sleep, “I..love you..” The small sentence was only heard by the man allowing her to sleep. He tensed up but relaxed as her arm draped over his. The limo pulled up to the event center and a red carpet was dramatically rolled out for the legends. One-by-one everyone was walking down the red carpet either together or solo. Im guessing you can guess which ones walked solo. Elliot nudged Renee and she slowly opened her eyes. She yawned quietly and her eyes met his. They looked at eachother and then she backed away, standing up. She turned away and quickly walked out of the limo and Elliot followed shortly after. Elliot caught up and walked beside her while she covered her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. He enjoyed all the attention on him but Renee never did. He realized what was happening and walked directly infront of her, taking the spotlight. The taller put his hand behind his back and Renee allowed herself to grab and squeeze it lightly. He led her somewhere private and sat her down on a wall away from everyone else.

“You okay? I know you dont like the atten- attentin- eyes on you,” he knelt down, matching his eye level with hers. “I’m fine, you dont have to worry about me so much you know,” She sighed and leaned back slightly, “Let’s just get back to the others before they think were fucking or something.” Elliot offered a hand but she declined, pushing herself up from the wall. She swayed her hips with every step she took towards the doors. Her dress flowed down neatly from her waist down to the carpeted floor. He watched her walk away as the boa she wore bounced with her strides. “W- wait up Renee!” He yelled, fast-walking towards her but she was already through the doors. When he made it through, it was bustling with legends from other ports and random game organizers. There was loud music playing from speakers up above and most of the legends were by the bar including Anita and Loba. Others were either on couches or talking near walls with each other. There were people dancing in the middle of the room where flashing lights and more sparkled along the area. His eye caught the bright purple boa from across the room.

“Hey Ren, glad I finally found you,” He sat next to the now relaxed woman, “Let me guess, appletini?” She gave a side-glance towards him while she sipped the drink he guessed. It was her usual at the Paradise Bar so it wasn’t weird. Minutes went by and the found themselves laughing at eachother from stupid jokes and random stories. A slow-dancing song played on the speakers and everyone got with a partner.

“Wanna go dance with me Ren?” Elliot grabbed her hand, pointing to where everyone was partnered together. “I can’t really dance Elliot, I dont know if I could do it,” Renee responded back to him, covering her face with her boa. “Oh, come on you can’t be that bad at dancing. It’s not that hard, come on I’ll teach you,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the seat to take her over to everyone else. He brought her to the dance floor and held her close, guiding her hands to where they were supposed to be. He placed her hands on her lower waist and swayed side-to-side with her. “See? I told you it wasnt that ha-“ He winced as she stepped on his foot, “It’s fine, I forgive you since you’re a beginner.” She apologized anyways and held him closer. As the song came to an end everyone seperated except for them.

“This is nice,” Renee pulled away from his arms, “Want to go somewhere more..quiet?” Elliot’s face contorted to a confused yet happy expression. “I know just the place Ren!” He grabbed her hand and practically sprinted out the doors with her, bringing her to a cliff just off the side of the road. He sat down far away from the edge and patted the spot next to him, signalling for her to walk over and sit next to him. The sun was setting and it was the most beautiful thing that Renee had ever seen. “Oh wow Elliot..I never knew about this spot,” She couldn’t stop gazing at the orange and red hues surrounding the hot ball of gas. “My mom would take me here sometimes, from the sunset, the sunrise, and the stars oh my god the stars. She’d make them so amazing but one day she got so sick and she couldn’t take me anymore. So everytime we get to come here I come out here, to escape the whole legend thing and relax by myself. But now, I see two pretty things infront of me..the sunset and well, you,” He gently grabbed her hand and her reddish face was hard to see in the dark. She turned her head towards him and he smiled softly. “This reminds me of something I saw today, a post with a drawing of us. There’s just one thing missing to complete the scene I believe,” Renee saw him thinking and it looked like a lightbulb just turned on in his head. He leaned in and so did she. They closed their eyes and-

kissed

The scene matched the vibe of the social media post that Renee had randomly come across. It was a strange feeling to Renee, for she had never felt this way towards anyone before. Atleast, not a time that she could remember. Elliot had a goofy smile plastered on his face afterwards. She grinned and leaned on his shoulder as they gazed at the stars that started to peek from the horizon. “Alright yuh lovebirds, get yuh asses inside before we leave without yuh guys,” Ajay leaned against the door, watching them. “Oh, alright. We’ll be right there Ajay,” Renee looked over her shoulder to the other girl and smiled softly. Ajay nodded and closed the door behind her. Elliot was the first to get up and then offered a hand for Renee to grab. She gladly took it and he hoisted her up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt that may have gotten onto her dress. As they went back inside, no one really looked at them apart from quick glances. Anita signalled to them over at the entrance that they were leaving the event. They held hands as they rushed over to the group, not wanting to let go of eachother. Anita counted them and led everyone back to the limosuine so they could pile in the same way they did when they arrived.

(Back at the Apex Dormrooms)(Specifically Elliots Room)

The two were sitting on top of the bed in Elliot’s room, talking. Everyone had just got back to the dorms and they had rushed out so they could get some privacy. “So..what are we now?” Renee turned towards Elliot, who was fidgeting with his hands. He looked up and shifted into a more comfortable position to look at the girl next to him. He looked back infront of him and flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Whatever you want us to be, Ren,” His eyes glanced at her features from the angle he was in.

“I want to be...more than friends-“

“Best friends?”

“No-“

“Best best friends..?”

“Elliot-“

“What?”

“I want to be together, as in I want us to date and do things that couples do,” her head turned towards him. “A-are you sure?? I-I-I mean I dont think Im that bad at being a boyfriend but are you really sure you want to be in a rela- rele- be with me???” He stammered, not knowing what to say. “Yes,” was all she had to say when Elliot pulled her in close to lay down next to him. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead multiple times before stopping to stare at her beauty. She giggled and smiled then held him down into a cuddle position on the bed. “This is what I’ve always wanted, despite me acting like I never did,” She admitted, tracing circles on the others chest. “Did you want to sleep here for the night? Or..we’re you going to go back to your room?” Elliot asked, but got no response from the other. Renee was fast asleep in his arms, snoring softly. Elliot smiled a loving smile and kissed her forehead lightly then fell asleep quick with the warmth she amitted.

E X T R A

Octane walked into Elliot’s room, knowing it was unlocked and because he was his best friend. He had his phone in hand, ready to ask a question about the future match. His eyes darted towards the bed after noticing that the lights were off. There, he saw his best friend with the stone cold girl, who never really showed emotion. He gasped quietly and opened the camera app on his phone. He snapped a picture but before he knew it, the flash went off and lit up the entire area of the man’s bed. Renee groaned and covered herself more with the blanket that was draped over her and Elliot. He quickly stepped out of the room where the couple rested and snickered at the photo he caught. His first thought was to post it, his second? To post it and then print it and frame it. He didnt want to seem like a bitch so he decided to post it with the caption, “Found the lovebirds mating LOL” Within a matter of seconds, the post flooded with likes and shares. Which meant that all if not most of the legends would see it. You bet that Elliot and Renee we’re furious when they both came across it the next day..

THE END

word count: 5,445

Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it :] <3

Quotes will resume Monday,, 2:00pm CT

#apex legends #apex #miraith #mirage apex legends #apex legends mirage #mirage #wraith apex legends #apex legends wraith #wraith

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mother-snake · 4 years ago

Note

I FOUND FREE TIME!! Sorry if this one is a bit rushed Jessie!!

Italics are memories

-----

The first thing a yellow side notices is that his head feels like its being split open. The second thing is that he's laying on a very soft couch. And the third? The third is that he doesn't remember anything.

He makes a slight noise of discontent before opening his eyes, only to have five people swarm him. Talking to him very fast and keep trying to touch him. He tries to curl up only to be unable to move.

One by one the colourful people back away only a dark blue person stayed by him. His lips keep moving but it all sounds like its underwater. Only to clear.

"-us, Janus! Can you hear us?"

His voice is raspy but he manages to respond, "Who's Janus?"

The people seemed to not like that answer, he didn't know why but making someone upset makes him feel like he's in danger, the indigo side didn't react that much.

"You are Janus, that is your name. Do you remember us?"

Janus shook his head.

"Well, I am Logan, Thomas's logic. The red side is Roman, one half of creativity. Green is Remus, the second half of creativity. The purple one is Virgil, he represents anxiety. And the light blue side is Patton. Thomas's morality.

Janus seemed to be taking the information in. Thinking about that one name he said... What was it? Timothy? Tobias? Travis?

"Do you remember Thomas?"

Janus had to stop and think. Thomas... Thomas was their centre. I'm one of his sides. Janus nodded

Logan handed Janus a glass of water, helping him take careful sips. The water felt like heaven, it was cool and soothing. But the heaven was gone soon enough.

"Do you remember your function?"

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember. "Deception?.....Or was it self preservation? I- I can't remember."

Logan had a small smile on his lips. "You are correct, your title is Deceit and your function is Self Preservation."

"Deceit... Isn't lying bad? Am I bad? Why does my head hurt?" Janus didn't notice the looks of pain on the others faces because they put those thoughts there.

Logan's smile disappeared. "No, you are not a bad side. You work for the good of Thomas. Why would you think that?"

"Because they told me so."

"Who?"

"..... I don't remember... They wore a lot of black."

"Do you mean the Dark Sides?"

A sharp gasp came from the yellow side. Blood, there is so much blood. Its my blood. Screaming. No, not screaming. Yelling. I'm running, the hallway is dark, the rug keeps triping me, my door lock is broken, I'm hiding... I can feel my breath.... The door to my room is open. Orange. I scream.

Janus is still screaming, he's trying to run but something is holding him down, he can feel someones breath. "Let me go! Please I'll do what you want!" he feels a slight sting in his arm before his eyes get blurry. The voices in the background get farther away as he feels himself involuntarily relax and fall back asleep.

Logan pulls the needle away as Roman, Remus and Virgil all let go of the sleeping side. Worry is blinding them as all of them walk into the kitchen to talk.

"The NopeRope doesn't remember anything. What do we do here?" Roman kept messing with his sash.

"His memory seems to come back with certain prompts or questions. However it seems to have a bad reaction-"

"A bad reaction? A BAD REACTION?? Logan, he was screaming for help while repeating the word no! That is more then JUST a bad reaction!!

Logan sighed, "Virgil, I know that you're worried about him but he does need to get his memory back."

"Does he?"

Everyone was now staring at Patton.

"I mean well, if he doesn't remember what the others put him through and what we put him through maybe he would be happier? He just looks to peaceful while he's asleep that I've never seen him have before."

"He will most likely remember anyway when he sees the scars, we can not hide this from him forever."

The kitchen was now an awkward silence. Until Remus broke it.

"How long till he wakes up, nerd?"

"Should be around 3 hou-"

"He'll be awake in five"

"What? Why five?"

"He's smaller then normal, plus he's not a full grown side yet, so-"

"What?" Patton didin't seem happy knowing that info.

Remus shugged, "he popped up in the gray when Thomas was ten, followed virgil around like a lost puppy next to a railroad. He just grew fangs a few months ago! I don't think they have venom though, bit of a shame. Everything is better with venom.-"

"Remus, getting off track here. Janus is the youngest?"

Remus nodded enthusiastically. "Yep" poping the P, "he was a cute little baby snake! Loved strawberries! The other three didn't like him very much though."

Patton was pressing his palms to his eye sockets. "they burned, beat and tried to kill a child?"

Remus nodded and looked to the ground.

The sides split up to go a few things before Janus woke up again.

When Janus opened his eyes all he could smell was strawberries. A song played in the background. He felt stronger and managed to sit up. He looked on the TV to see a frog singing the loveliest lies of them all.

"Vee! Vee!" Boucing up and down. "Can we watch Over The Garden Wall?" Virgil looked over at the shorter side. "You just watched it yesterday, short stack" even though the yellow side was 15 he still bounced and gave Virgil the puppy dog eyes. Virgil sighed, "Fine. Bring up the episode." trying and failing to sound annoyed. The smaller side smiled even wider.

"Vee?" Janus mumbled under his breathe the name. The side in the memory looked similar to...What was his name? VIRGIL! That was it! Was Vee Virgil? The snake zoned out in his thoughts and the song from the frog. Only to be brought out of it when a light blue side stood in front if him.

"Patton? That was your name right?"

"Yep! You got it in one mr scales!" Patton seemed nice, wait. Scales?

Get out of here you slimy boi! reptilian rapscallion! Snake! Evil! Villian! You are no good for Thomas! Just leave! Leave! LEAVE! LEAVE!

Janus lifted his hand and touched the left side of his face. Smooth scales greeted his hand and old burnt skin next to his eye. Tears started to leak for a reason he couldn't pin point. Continuously touching the scales, stoking over the sharp bottom of scales. Sooner then he thought someone was sitting next to him.

Patton sat next to him and was counting numbers.

1 2 3 4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Janus didn't know what the numbers where but he followed along anyway.

Soon he could smell the strawberries again. He likes strawberries right? Janus thinks he likes strawberries. When he looks up, Patton gives him a hug. Wincing when his arms touch something on his back.

More and more time passes. With each memory things get clearer. Janus still doesn't know why he can't remember anything. Until another memory happens.

"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP?" " No! Roman I want to apologize! I'm sorry I compared you to your brother! I'm sorry I manipulated you at the courtroom! I'm sorry I sent Remus to deal with my problems! You don't have to forgive me but ay least listen to me!" Roman growls "FUCK OFF!!" And suddenly, he is back at the dark household.

He needs to get out before the others find him. Who knows what they would do to h- "Ohhh Deceit! So lovely for you to stop by~" Too late.

He runs to his room, tripping on the carpet. The lock is broken. He hides in the closet. Wrath finds him. He's dragged to the dark side commons and chained to a wall for days to become the personal punching bad. Apathy set him on fire, Wrath beat him up and Depression.... Depression did something to his head. He was thrown into the gray after depression had his fun. Then he blacked out

Janus doesn't want to leave his room. He's being punished for wanting to apologize. That seems like bullshit to him.

Weeks pass. People keep knocking on his door, they say that they're worried. What a bunch of liars.

After a month, the sides make Thomas take them inside if the bedroom. After a bit of convincing, Janus tells them everything.

And much to his surprise. They are livid.

------

Beep boop. Thingy done! I hope this thing made sense! Brain is broken atm. This one was inspired by Once Upon a December from Anastasia.

This turned out a lot more fluffy then I originally thought.... Hope ya like it! I need to go write a poem now ❤💛❤

protcetive sides alert! yeah! may i say that this is some quality content? im running out of things to say wihout repeating myself but they are all just so amazing and normaly leave me with energy to write stuff. (sorry im responding to these now, i was asleep when i got them last night and consumed by school fr the past few hours...)

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bangtansfavwriter · 4 years ago

Text

🥞☕brunch café owner! jin☕🥞

tw: a tiny mention of anxiety and shitty people that you may have encountered in school / uni ( but a lot of fluff to make up for it! )

- so far, your day was a complete catastrophe, im not even gonna tone it down, it was a complete shitshow to be honest

-it was like god woke up and went "i’m gonna let y/n have a shit day lmaoo"

-you overslept and missed your bus... on the day you had an appointment with your lecturer about your term paper

- after tripping on the stairs and hitting your knee, you hobbled to the office where this gollum lookalike was already waiting for you

- your lecturer was unreasonable enough to not let you extend your deadline for your paper... the one book you needed wasn't in the library for the past 3 weeks and there was no other edition available. so you explained the situation multiple times even at the beginning of your writing process, you even wrote him mails to explain the issue

- but this man who literally radiated boomer energy with every particle of his being really had the audacity to not answer, not even to your second mail and then he actually said that he does not understand "how someone of your age doesn't manage to even get a simple task as writing a paper" done

-you explained the situation again but he was pretty much tone-deaf to your situation and didn't even care when you said that you're actually gonna go to the library now to get the book scans

- so you went there already drained and exhausted from that conversation

-but the library was an even worse experience tbh .......

[fic mode: on, hohoho]

The lady in the library yelled at you for no apparent reason after you informed her that the scanner wasn't working and made you look stupid in front of other students who were there until one of them intervened and helped you out, which you appreciated. But this whole situation grew even worse on you after you left the library because your anxiety kicked in. You went straight into a quiet alley nearby and started crying quietly. "But hey!" you then exclaimed angrily, while wiping away your tears "At least the paper is gonna get done, right?! because who gives a shit about mental health and all huh, Mr. Go?!" and you started sobbing again. "Dickhead... And that stupid library lady... with her stupid fat 80s glasses. And her ugly yeehaw look...". This was something you wouldn't ever do in public, crying and ranting that is. but the alley was quiet, your only company was a stray cat that was sleeping underneath a tree's shadow. or so you thought. "Ugly yeehaw people and their ugly ass clothes, like... go read a magazine or something...". You started feeling more liberated with each mild insult you'd utter, so you went on. "Ugly library lady and her giant wart, like who the fuck are you? yubaba?" you heard someone snort and start laughing a squeaky laugh that almost sounded like a windshield wiper. Taken aback by the unexpected witness to your mild breakdown, you stood still at first, then looked around, left and right, but you couldn't see anyone. "Over here!" you heard someone say. You looked around again and sighed when you still couldn't see anyone. "Did I finally lose my mind?" you mumbled to yourself, only to hear the squeaky laugh again. "Hey! Turn around and look up!". You got up the bench and did as you were told by the omnipresent voice and finally saw the person it belonged to. Up at the 1st floor, there was a guy looking down to you from his tiny balcony that had plants hanging down from it. He smiled at you when your eyes met and you felt your heart rate go up in an instant, as you realized this stranger, this awfully handsome stranger witnessed how your petty little rant and crying about yubaba's twin in the library. "Tough day, huh?" he asked, you just nodded and quickly wiped your face with your sleeve. "Oh no, hold on" he mumbled and suddenly disappeared from his window, leaving you behind with a surprised look on your face. A box of Kleenex suddenly landed in front of your feet, as he reappeared at his window. "Just one would have done it, too, but thank you. I appreciate it!" you said and smiled at the guy. While you wiped your face, you heard another something land on the bench. You looked up again to the guy who, all of a sudden, avoided your gaze. "That'll help, you know..." he said and looked at you in surprise when you started laughing. What he threw on the bench was a... bar of chocolate. One that also happened to be your favourite. You looked at him and gave him a huge smile that made his heart flutter. He looked away shyly and scratched his head. "Tough day, yeah... but this right here," you raised the chocolate bar, "this makes it all better, you're right about that. Thank you!" The stranger couldn't help but look at you once again. He almost felt compelled to it. It was like staring at the sun when it sets, you know that you shouldn't stare at it directly, but it's so breathtakingly beautiful that you can't help but look. He intently watched you while you happily munched on your chocolate and smiled to himself. "What's your name?" he asked you. "Y/N! How about you?" - "I'm Seokjin. You can call me Jin..." - "Nice to meet you, Jin. I wish it would have been under different circumstances, though. I'm actually quite embarrassed about that, but chocolate helps with that, too." You two smiled at each other. "You know what, Y/N? Sometimes good things happen at weird times. Don't be embarrassed about crying earlier. I'm the last person who'd judge you because of that. I know that library witch, by the way... That Yubaba comparison was spot on!" You laughed out loud - he very much wished to hear this sound more often now. "Y/N, I gotta get ready for work now. But I'm gonna share one last bit of wisdom with you. I know a good remedy for bad days." - "Better than chocolate?" - "Oh, yes. Even better than chocolate. There's a café in XX street. There's a whole lot of lavender growing right in front of it, you can't miss it. That cafe has the best pancakes in the entire city." - Oh my god, pancakes are the best thing on earth!" - "(!!!) You must go there and try then! They're fluffy and come in 5 different variations and the sweetest maple syrup! I'm telling you, if you have a bad day like this again, go straight to that café." He already got you at pancakes, so you definitely would go there. "I'll finish this damn paper and then go reward myself with pancakes! In one or two weeks I'll get like 2 plates of pancakes then!" - "That sounds perfect!", he laughed. Shortly after, he excused himself and you two bid farewell. He disappeared from his window and your troubles had disappeared from your soul. You went home with a smile on your face, thankful for the kindness he had shown you and hoped that you would see him in the café some day. "Who knows... Maybe he's a regular there. It sounded like it."

Roughly one and a half weeks later, many all nighters and a whole lot of take out food, you finished the paper and handed it in. Liberated from this massive pain in the ass, you went straight to the café that your thoughts circled around during the times you weren't busy with your paper. "God, I hope he's there...", you thought and thought of Jin, who you thought about as much as you dreamed of the huge plate of pancakes you were going to get now. The café was not very far from where you lived, you walked there in about 15 minutes and recognised the place by a very accurate description Jin has given you. The smell of lavender bewitched you as soon as you stepped into the alley the café was in. Lots of flower pots were in the front of it, not only was there lavender but also gardenias and petunias. The flowers were all around the tables outside. "Of course, the flower boy loves the flower café" you said to yourself and smiled. The café wasn't too busy, as you came by at a rather early hour, when there were still lectures for most students and older people were busy at the local market place. You were greeted right away when you entered the café, by a younger man, probably also a fellow student, who was wearing an apron and gave you a warm welcome with his bunny smile. He showed you to your table at the window side from where you could watch bees hurdle at the lavender pots outside. You ordered shortly after, it didn't take much thinking when you saw the "Eat the stress away" menu, with regular pancakes, hashbrowns and a tea/coffee option. "Excellent choice! It's my personal favourite~", your waiter added. You glanced at each other. "Fellow student?" you asked and laughed when he suddenly looked at you with a gloomy look, but joined you in laughter right away. "Shared struggle", he said laughing, leaned over real quick and whispered: "I'll get you some blueberry pancakes, too. I'll tell the chef you're a friend of mine." - "Oh my god, thank you!" He winked and went straight to the kitchen, while humming a tune. Well, this was certainly the sweetest waiter you'd ever encountered. But you had your eyes on the door, hoping for a divine intervention that would lead to Jin coincidentally walk into the café when you were there. Around 15 minutes later you finally sipped on your coffee and were about to devour the fluffiest pancakes you'd ever had on a plate in front of you. The hash browns were a tad bit disappointing, as they had a slighty burnt taste and weren't spiced very well, in your opinion. But the pancakes were absolutely amazing. Their soft and fluffy texture was complemented with butter and the sticky-sweet maple syrup that as truly as good as Jin said. And the blueberry pancakes were so good that you feared losing control over your facial expressions. Your waiter came along to your table, after he got the newest customer orders to the kitchen. You invited him to sit with you, which he gladly accepted. "How do you like it? They're really good, right?" - "I think this is what the kids call 'foodgasm'...", you answered and the two of you giggled. He looked at your plate and noticed the hash browns that you put at the edge of your plate. "Oh? Didn't like the hash browns?" he asked with wide eyes.

"They're slightly burnt, I think..." you said shyly. You were never one to criticize the cook when you didn't like your food in a restaurant. The only time when you actually complained was when you once found hair in your soup in a restaurant, and even back then you apologised for the trouble whereas it was clearly the chef who was at fault. "Please don't tell anyone, this can happen sometimes, I accept that." you quickly added, but your waiter shook his head ferociously. "You paid for this, so it is our duty to bring good food to your table. Our chef is a perfectionist, I don't understand how this can happen anyway. I'll get it sorted out, but not without teasing him. Can you wait a little until the customers are gone here. We close for lunch time. So people are gonna leave soon." You agreed and waited, while befriending the waiter - Jungkook, a 2nd year student who was currently doing a side job at "Café Smeraldo". After the last customer left, Jungkook decided to call the chef by yelling across the café. "He's also the manager you know. We're a bit short-staffed, you know... This is gonna be funny~~ JIN-HYUNG!" You almost spat out your coffee and started coughing as soon as you heard that name. "JIN-HYUNG COME OUT OF YOUR BUREAU! YOU BURNT A CUSTOMER'S FOOD!" He cackled after he heard noise coming from inside, while you sat there mortified. The door from the staff room slammed open and you instantly wished to turn into dust, as said manager/chef was the guy who consoled you on one of the worst days you've had in your academic life. The two of you stared at each other in shock, but before he could say anything to you he started scolding his younger co-worker and the two of them started bickering, while you continued sipping on your coffee, because this whole situation was soon more entertaining than it was mortifying. At some point Jin shushed Jungkook who shut up right away when he realized that this wasn't playful bickering anymore. Jungkook bowed deeply and went to the kitchen where he started cleaning. "You're friends with the boy?" Jin asked and sat down at your table. He looked tired, you thought. "No, actually we met earlier, but I suppose we just clicked very fast." - "So this kid got you my famous blueberry pancakes on the house, huh?" - "...I guess so. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause you trouble. I really didn't want him to say anything about the hash browns either." He quickly glanced at them and grabbed one to take a bite, but put it down again before doing so. "I can see it already", he said "you don't need to apologise, it's my bad." He sat there with a gloomy expression and sighed. "Tough day, huh?" you asked and smiled at him when he laughed at your reference. "Tough week is more like it. We're a bit short-staffed at the moment. But enough of me and my manager melancholy. Finished your paper?" You were surprised by his sudden change, but you went along. "Yeah, I turned it in earlier and came here right after. I gave you my word after all." You smiled at him, and he felt the same rush that he had experienced the day he first met you. You continued: "You were right, by the way. These pancakes are everything!! Especially the blueberry ones. Is that your recipe?" He laughed and nodded. "I'm glad you liked them!" he said. "I'll serve you better hash browns the next time, pinky promise. I got a phone call while preparing 3 orders, yours was the only one that suffered from it." - "It happens sometimes. Don't dwell on something so minor." - "Says you, who cried beneath my balcony because of some witch!" The two of you giggled. He looked at you with a look, that made your cheeks burn. His gaze was fond and soft, it was the kind of look you have whenever the sky looks pretty, or when a bird lands near you and sings a little song. Neither of you could break the look you shared, as neither of you could describe a bond that was apparently now formed with chocolate and pancakes. It was him who spoke up first: "Got room for more pancakes?". This question took you by surprise, but pancakes are always a welcome surprise. "Hell yeah, you can never have enough pancakes." - "I need more proof for that, but based on that sentence alone I can say that we may be soulmates, Y/N." You started laughing, as did he. "But why? What do you have in mind? Also, I'm surprised you still remember my name." His cheeks got a very apparent pink hue after your remark and you noticed how grossly you were endeared by this man. "Y/N... How could I forget..." he said with a low voice that made your heart flutter. "How could I forget someone who made me believe there was a banshee at my door for a solid minute!" He broke out in his loud and squeaky laughter as soon as he saw the pure offence and shock on your face, after he said that, because *that* was certainly not what you expected to hear. "You're mean, oh my god!" you exclaimed but had to laugh, too. You guys needed two minutes to calm down again. The pink hue on his face was still there and you felt the rush of confidence in you. He noticed you looking at him and spoke up:

"Y/N... How could I forget someone who has made me smile on a day I didn't feel like smiling at all? I got the news my cook had to quit on the day we met. I thought this was the end for my café. But then, I met you, shortly after I got the news. And seeing you going from crying to happily munching on some chocolate despite having issues that made you cry in public in the first place... Seeing you forgetting your troubles with something so small as a chocolate bar. I don't know... I felt hopeful for some reason. And I love this feeling. And, god... I really hoped you'd take my advice and come here to have my pancakes! (he chuckled) But I have to admit something... I so regretted not asking for your number. For the past week I jumped through the kitchen door everytime a customer came in...". You were pretty sure your heart was soon gonna explode through your chest. He hid his face with his hands and sighed. "I'm not like this at all~" he whined, before facing you again. "But... How about I make us some more pancakes now? And hash browns, if you like. I haven't had breakfast yet and well... I really want to make you pancakes. Can I?" His voice became thinner with each sentence he added, since he came shyer with each bit. You chuckled, in disbelief about how your rapidly beating heart became so calm, yet so full when this man told you he wanted to make you pancakes. No nervosity whatsoever, no second thoughts, nothing. An epiphany over pancakes... Who would have thought? This was safe. This was a safe place for both of you, and both of you felt it.

"A breakfast date then?"

"Breakfast date it is."

"I like the sound of that."

💕

epilogue:

-you two enter the kitchen after you insisted on watching him cook for you-

jk: hyu- oh, hi y/n! you guys know each other? ah hyung, i cleaned up everything and tidied up in the bureau. i'm sorry about earlier. (bows again and stands there shyly)

jin: (sighs very deeply) come here, you dodo.

the two of them shared a short but sweet hug, after which jungkook had a huge smile on his face again. jin and you shared a look and the same thought as you looked at jungkook after.

jin: jk, you wanna have pancakes with us?

jk: huh? yeah sure, i'm actually pretty hungry... (he smiles at you two) I'll go clean up inside real quick and prepare the table! yayy, pancake brunch with friends ☺️ (he leaves you two in the kitchen)

you turned to jin and smiled. "don't even start." he said quickly, while he started getting the ingredients out. "AWWW~~" - "NOOO!"

-the end-

64 notes · View notes

liannyeong · 5 years ago

Text

i was enchanted to meet you

Summary: “the lingering question kept me up. two a.m., who do you love?”

[part 1 || part 2]

Word count: 5618

Pairing: Jaebum X OC

Warning(s): angst

A/N: i think i worked on this fic for 2 months.... i apologize if there are still loopholes... i tried my best... this was inspired by the vow. title and summary is from taylor swift’s enchanted :) the second part is scheduled to be up in a week’s time!

late september 2017.

in a strange turn of events, jaein befriends an amnesiac man. living in the outskirts of ilsan, the town doesn't usually have visitors. imagine her surprise when she opened the cat cafe on one sunday morning, an unfamiliar man at the front door. god knows how long he had been camping outside the shop. youngjae -- jaein's twin brother and the better samaritan -- pitied the man and offered him a shelter and a temporary job. jaein learnt that the man doesn't remember anything except for his name: im jaebum. he doesn't have an address to go home to nor any personal identification on him to help with his memories.

contrary to her initial objection to taking jaebum in, she ends up helping the man. she teaches him the ways around the cafe: the recipe for each drink and the cakes, the way to handle each cat, maintenance of the cafe and so on. to her pleasant surprise, jaebum is a lively person and a hardworker. he serves the customers well, always smiling. though jaein will never admit to her brother, she finds jaebum adorable whenever he feeds the cats. he talks to them as if they were children, pouts whenever they don't respond to him. even the most stubborn cat warms up to him in record time!

so easily, jaebum becomes a new member of the yoo family.

the twins make room for the new occupant in the apartment just above the cat cafe. jaebum doesn't mind the small room; he is thankful to have a place to stay and work as he works on remembering his past. but nothing seems to work. nevertheless, they're all patient. and jaein hopes that nothing would change if he ever retrieves his memories.

especially on moments like this, which they only share between themselves and none with the world. it has become a routine whereby jaebum would help jaein with the dishes. soft music playing in the background, the songs from jaein's personal playlist mostly comprise of acoustics and ballads. they've done this so often that jaebum knows the melodies well, humming along as they work side by side, wiping the utensils dry.

but tonight, with a devious plan in mind, jaein passes jaebum the last utensil. then she washes her hands before quickly raising them to face level. she spreads her fingers wide, sprinkling water at jaebum. the man flinches, surprised. jaein has an apology ready on her tongue but before she can even say it, jaebum scoops a handful of water then splashes at the female.

she stands still, in horror, face wet, the water dripping onto her shirt. jaebum's laughter dies. he leans forward, peering at jaein's face. there's guilt in his eyes, mouth softly uttering an apology. the man brings a paper towel to her face, gently patting her dry. jaein could only stare at him, mesmerized with the way he's so close. he seems so engrossed with wiping her face, doesn't seem to notice her gaze. but when his eyes meet hers, like a deer caught in headlights, she quickly looks away, embarrassed.

"well, um-- thanks and uh-- goodnight," she mumbles. but before she can even move away, jaebum has a gentle hold on her elbow, the other hand tipping her chin up. he looks concerned.

"your face is red," he comments.

"i, uhh--"

"how cute," he says, a smile on the corner of his lips. jaein swallows, trying so hard not to combust into flames. but jaebum just had to say, "you're cute."

the female flounders, and she swears her face probably turned a darker shade of red with the way her cheeks burn. but she notices that jaebum shares the same expression, the tips of his ears red.

"i have been thinking," he starts, voice soft as if he's about to tell a secret. jaebum has let go of her chin, his fingers trailing down her wrist, until his little finger coils around hers. "it doesn't matter what my past is," jaebum says. "i want you in my present and future."

then he fully interlaces their fingers, pressing their palms together. he's a step closer now, breathing the same air.

"then don't forget me when you recover your memories."

"i will never." jaebum smiles, eye crescents and pearl white teeth blinding to her. he only needed to lean slightly forward before their foreheads touch, noses colliding. she can feel his breath ghosting on her skin but neither of them closes the gap. they revel in the moment just like this.

jaebum came into the twins' life. like a meteorite crashing onto earth, jaein thinks. unprecedented, but with it, comes materials the earth require to blossom. she didn't expect to find love in an unknown amnesiac man. but she supposes that's how sudden love can appear.

and like a meteorite, jaebum leaves a burnt imprint in jaein's life.

---

late may 2018.

months after their relationship became serious, jaebum's past worms its way back into their life. a man deemed to be a close friend of jaebum -- a kindergarten teacher named jinyoung -- barges into the cat cafe, an index finger pointing at jaebum, yelling his name. thankfully, the cafe had just closed, the scene not witnessed by any customers.

"how can you not know me?" the man shrieks, pressing his palm onto his chest. "it's me! jinyoung, your best friend!" jaein thinks the guy looks mad: his face pale, in plain disbelief that his friend doesn't recognize him.

youngjae comes to the rescue, calmly mediating the situation. the man called jinyoung seems to grow paler after learning about jaebum's condition. he's seated on the table, elbows on the wooden surface, head buried into his hands, fingers pulling the strands of his hair. his prim and proper appearance is now ruined.

"this can't be possible... how could--" jinyoung mutters to himself. then he snaps his head up, staring straight at his friend. he starts spitting out random information about jaebum that no one knows and jaebum certainly cannot remember. "-- you have two moles right about your left eye! you're a photographer under the pseudo name of jayb!"

jaein and youngjae share a look before searching that name up on their phones. the website displays a portrait of a man's silhouette. the man is facing sideways, his hair long enough to touch his shoulders, half-tied up messily. though it's all dark and jaebum has a much shorter hair length, there is no mistaking the sharpness of his jawline.

jaebum looks up from where he was peering at jaein's phone over her shoulder. "we're really... friends?" he asks jinyoung, uncertain.

the man nods. he has a calmer demeanor now, eyes soft and warm as he gazes at jaebum. "best friends, of 10 years," he emphasizes. "i would recognize you everywhere, without doubt."

"then..." jaebum says, "what happened to me?"

jinyoung shakes his head solemnly. "everything was normal until you didn't respond to my texts. the next thing i knew, you were nowhere to be found and everyone panicked--"

jinyoung abruptly sits up. "seulgi."

"who?"

"you don't-- oh my god," the man exhales in disbelief. "seulgi, your fiancee."

that piece of information is enough to have jaein's heart drop. jaebum is taken? as if reading her mind, jaebum glances at her, wearing a guilty expression. jaein didn't hide her disappointment well.

"oh my god," jinyoung breathes. jaein snaps her attention back at the man. he's rubbing his hand over his face, in distraught. then he darts his glance between jaebum and jaein. "i'm sorry... but yes, jaebum is attached." jinyoung lets out a breath, as if he is going to say something heavy. he speaks again, but directing to jaebum only, "your wedding was supposed to be in october. but you went missing two weeks before. it was a mess. everyone was searching for you all around town but god-- how the hell did you end up here, in ilsan?"

"i don't know either..." jaebum mutters.

"you live in seoul," jinyoung informs. "about an hour's drive from here. i can bring you there, if you like."

at that suggestion, jaebum looks at jaein expectantly. there's a kind of pleading in his eyes, but at the same time, he doesn't want to go anywhere without jaein's permission.

she steps closer, places a hand on his elbow. she couldn't form words in her mouth. she knows how much jaebum wants to find himself, and jaein herself wants jaebum to get the answers too. but there's a risk jaein has to take -- if she is willing to take. now informed about jaebum's relationship status, jaein is reluctant to let him go. she's not sure if she can bear jaebum leaving her.

jaebum brings her hands together, encompassing it within his bigger ones. he looks down at them, his thumbs rubbing circles onto the back of her hands. even he doesn't dare to bring up the topic. jaebum has mentioned before that he's afraid of what he'll find in his past. and jaein had assured him that it would all be fine. that it would all work out in the end.

so she says, "come home soon."

when jaebum looks at her with a concerned expression, jaein gives him a reassuring smile and a nod of encouragement. the man before her raises their hands, brushes his lips across her knuckles, then plants a kiss onto them, eyes closed. when he pulls away, he keeps his lips close, breath fanning across the skin. his eyes meet hers, warm and sincere. "wait for me."

neither wanted to part until there's a cough in the room. jaebum loosens their hands but pulls her into a hug. so many uncertainties, but like this, right now, jaein can feel his heart. she can hear the beating of his heart, the warmth of his embrace. she can feel a flow of emotions between them.

but in the next moment, jaebum pulls away, taking everything with him. jaein tries not to think too much into it watching the way jaebum crushes youngjae into a hug and then bidding goodbye to the cats. jaein doesn't look away once, eyes always on the man as he gets into the car. even after the car has set off and long gone out of sight. youngjae squeezes her shoulder to comfort her.

but jaein wonders why her heart feels much heavier than before.

---

early june 2018.

in the first week, jaebum would update jaein frequently. he would send her photos of his apartment, the food he eats, the scenery. he would include captions that are so romantic that jaein cannot help but miss him more each day.

but slowly, his texts change from frequent to few, then to occasional.

jaein reckons jaebum has been busy with settling his old life and gaining back his old connections. he probably needs time to process everything. it must have been hard for him, jaein thinks. but what if... no, she shakes her head. she counters any unnecessary worry in her mind. overthinking isn't the way; not when there's no evidence to support. besides, she trusts jaebum. he promised he would come back. and she promised to wait.

yet she misses him so much that she yearns to see him in person. to hear his voice again. and with jaebum so busy to reply her texts, she thinks it wouldn't be a bad idea to surprise him at his door. she drags youngjae along, even though her brother was reluctant to leave the cafe closed for a few days. in the end, he gave in and they took the train to seoul.

now standing in front of jaebum's apartment, jaein feels nervous. she keeps checking again and again -- the unit number of the apartment in front of them -- worried that she might be wrong. she takes a deep breath before pressing the doorbell. her heart beats faster with each second, and it pounds even harder when she hears the click of the door.

when jaebum opens the door, a surge of emotions flows through jaein's veins. jaebum's eyebrows raised up high, his mouth agape. the female throws herself onto the him, basking in the familiar warmth and scent of him. too engrossed to notice the way his hold is looser than usual.

"i've missed you," jaein murmurs into the crook of jaebum's neck. she doesn't even realize that she teared up, if not for the sudden wetness against her skin.

"you didn't tell me you were coming," jaebum sputters when they finally pull away, though jaein doesn't remove her arms around his neck.

"we didn't," jaein replies, smile not faltering, "we wanted to surprise you!"

jaebum blinks, glancing over at youngjae who only returns a smile. jaein cups the man's face, missing the feeling of his face beneath her hands. she tiptoes, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. she closes her eyes, revels in the physical touch with the man she loves. oh, how much she misses him.

"jaebum? who's at the door?" a female voice comes from inside the apartment. jaein snaps her eyes open. a woman appears at the door frame, eyes slit like a snake, gaze piercing. long hair tied in a ponytail, she's dressed in probably the most expensive fashion brand. her eyes flit over jaein's arms around jaebum. the man immediately untangles himself and clears his throat.

"um-- jaein, youngjae, this is seulgi," jaebum introduces. "seulgi, this is jaein and youngjae."

jaein freezes. seulgi? the seulgi who was jaebum's fiancee? in his apartment? what? jaein's mind starts whirling.

"oh, the twins from ilsan?" seulgi recalls. then she flashes a smile which makes jaein shiver. she directs the next sentence to jaebum. "you didn't tell me they were coming!"

"neither did i," jaebum replies, "it's a surprise visit."

seulgi nods slowly. something about her expression makes jaein feel uncomfortable. the woman turns her attention back to the twins.

"well, come on in! we wouldn't want our dear guests to be standing at the door all the time, right?" she lets out a chuckle as she leads the way in.

jaein doesn't budge immediately. her mind keeps replaying the scene, and it's not helping that she's starting to second guess everything. it's nice that seulgi is inviting but... why does it seem like it's her house instead of jaebum's? and her gaze when jaein had her arms around jaebum... the way jaebum immediately pulls away from her... could it be--

a tap on her shoulder breaks her thought process. youngjae shoots her a weak smile and proceeds inside. jaein just trails behind her brother.

the apartment is luxurious, jaein thinks to herself. an embodiment of modern and minimalism style. light spills into the spacious room from the glass windows, the gray curtains drawn. on one side of the room stands a television shelf that covers bookshelf that covers the entire wall: the device in the center, shelves of books in the cabinets at the sides.

jaebum ushers them to the 3-seater couch that is placed against the opposite wall, a loveseat at each side. jaebum settles at the loveseat while the twins take the couch, with jaein sitting the closest to jaebum. when seulgi comes with a tray of drinks, she chooses to share the loveseat with jaebum. though it sparks a little jealousy in jaein, she doesn't address it.

"so how have you been, jaebum?" youngjae asks. "how are your memories?"

"i remember everything now," he replies.

the siblings rejoice at the news.

"that's great!" jaein exclaims. she leans forward, placing a hand on his knee. "i'm so happy for you." she truly, genuinely is. he'd figured everything out now. all questions of his past has been answered.

jaebum stares at her hand. there's a slight frown on his face. he doesn't place a hand over hers, doesn't push it away either. his eyes dart up, meeting jaein's. his gaze is different, she can't make sense of it.

there's a clearing of a throat then jaein notices how seulgi shifted closer to jaebum, links an arm, resting her head onto his shoulder. jaein retracts her hand immediately -- as if burnt -- and tries not to focus on the way they are pressed together. she tries to school her expression, ignoring the small squeeze in her chest. and she definitely tries her best to keep one particular question at bay: why isn't he pushing her away?

jaein is thankful when youngjae brings up the topic of jaebum's photography works. it's as if he knows her train of thoughts so he attempts to distract jaein from the whispers of her heart. upon youngjae's request, jaebum shares his projects from his computer. as he describes his thought process and his goal for the shots, totally engrossed, jaein couldn't help but keep her eyes on the male. he's so passionate about his work, his eyes sparkling as he talks. it's new to see jaebum like this: expressions different from the ones she has ever seen. he has truly recovered his memories, jaein thinks.

not having known jaebum of the past, when the topic transits to old memories, jaein feels like a misfit. she reckons youngjae feels the same too but neither says anything. jaein thinks it's a way to learn more about jaebum. but as seulgi begins to chatter more about those memories, jaein falters little by little. seulgi always keeps a hand on jaebum, be it his hand or his thigh. almost every minute, she would glance over at jaebum and smile at him fondly. as if... in love. in those moments, jaein's eyes float over to jaebum's face. she can't really describe the emotions within her when she sees jaebum looking back at seulgi, returning the smile. it feels as if jaein is intruding in an intimate moment. it feels as if they are the ones in love and in a relationship.

"we were preparing for the wedding but you went missing and i--" seulgi chokes on her words. revisiting that incident has her tearing up. she turns to jaebum, her fingers now interlaced with his. "i really thought i lost you," seulgi exhales shakily.

"i'm sorry," jaebum utters softly. he pats the back of seulgi's hand, an assuring smile on his lips. "but i'm back now."

wait what? jaein tries to control her emotions but it's messing with her head. jaebum couldn't possibly mean-- god, jaein pleads internally, what is happening? her mind starts whirling back the previous moments, she starts thinking scenarios in her head. did jaebum mean he's--

"that's nice," she hears youngjae speaking. she glances over and youngjae is already standing up, pulling her along. for the split second that their eyes meet, youngjae has a firm gaze. he turns back to the couple -- jaein doesn't know anymore -- with a smile that jaein recognizes so well. a smile he reserves just for customers. jaein gulps a spit. youngjae must have read her mind again. "well then, we should get going. thank you for having us."

"already?" jaebum asks, looking slightly alarmed. "it hasn't even been that long!"

youngjae shoots him an apologetic smile. "we came unannounced. we don't wish to overstay here. we thank you for your hospitality."

if jaebum noticed the formal language youngjae uses, he doesn't say anything. he just nods and walks the twins to the door. seulgi stays put in her seat but waves goodbye happily. jaein has an inkling that she just wants them gone.

"i appreciate the visit," jaebum says at the door.

"no problem," youngjae dismisses it. "we're happy that you got your memories back." they hug, light and friendly.

"i, um--" jaein fumbles for words to say when jaebum looks at her. but how can she, when there's a million thoughts that went through her mind just from the short duration? keeping her emotions for a moment seems so hard when the man she loves is standing in front of her.

"jaein," jaebum calls out her name so softly, but it lacks the adoration he used to show. his gaze now gentle, and it reminds her so much of the jaebum that stayed in ilsan. she wants to hold him, wants to be held by him. but her instincts tell her no. he doesn't reach out for her anyway.

with her emotions slowly bubbling its way out of her chest, it would only take a moment before it spills.

jaein doesn't get a chance to say anything for jaebum speaks again, glancing at youngjae, "there will be a party next sunday at 8 in the evening. a friend's idea, to celebrate my return." jaebum looks back at jaein. "it would be nice to see you there."

"sure," youngjae answers quickly. "we'll be there."

jaebum smiles. "great! see you at the party then."

leaving the apartment building, jaein finally has the freedom to mull over the day's event.

"jaein," youngjae calls when they walk side by side towards the subway. "are you okay?"

for a moment, jaein doesn't answer. is she okay? yeah, she is. because jaebum has his memories back. because the mystery of jaebum's past is solved. but at the same time, no, she's not okay. she can't really say that she has the right to be jealous of seulgi since they were long a couple before the accident happened. but what does that make jaein now? does she have a place in jaebum's heart? god, does jaebum even care about her now that his old flame is back in his life?

youngjae has a worried look on his face. "i'm sorry i made us leave so abruptly--"

"no," she cuts. "you did the right thing."

"we can skip out the party if you want."

jaein shakes her head. "we promised him."

"you sure?" he throws her another worried expression.

"yeah."

her brother nods. "okay then."

jaebum had his answers. now jaein needs hers.

---

mid june 2018.

on the day of the jaebum's party, jaein doesn't feel so good. she hadn't been able to sleep enough the previous night, her mind whirring with thoughts. she wonders what would happen, if she could even have a chance to be next to jaebum. god, she wonders how jaebum would look like and how he would react when he sees her outfit. jaebum had texted them the details of the party, saying that it doesn't really have a theme. so jaein opts for a floral-patterned white cold shoulder top paired with a nice fitting black jeans. youngjae is dressed simple: striped gray shirt with denim jeans.

the location of the party isn't at jaebum's apartment; it's some villa on a hill, isolated from the bustling streets of seoul, but it has a clear view of the city landscape. upon arrival, the music can be heard at the gates, and the whole place is littered with people. the twins feel out of place, not knowing anyone while everybody else are busy chatting away. they enter the villa itself, more jam-packed with guests dancing to the music.

"oh hey!" they hear someone yelling over the music. at first jaein thinks it's just some other guest calling another, but as they move, jinyoung comes to view, a polite smile on his lips. he leads them to the side of the room, away from the mass, quieter.

"good to see you two again," he says. "jaebum's probably somewhere..." jinyoung trails off, trying to search for the said man in the crowd. then he waves a hand dismissively when he fails to spot his friend. "he'll be out shortly. in the meantime," his voice turns serious, "we need to talk."

jaein and youngjae share a look, a little lost. jinyoung sighs. he leans forward, arms crossed in front of his chest. his gaze on jaein, chilly and fierce.

"what is your relationship with jaebum?" he asks, tone firm. jaein is taken aback. "from what i see back when i first saw him in the cafe, there was something going on, no?"

i don't even know anymore, is the first thing her mind says. "we didn't put a label, i think," she replies out loud.

the man just hums. his face is serious, and it seems as if he's plotting something in his head. it seems as if he isn't pleased with her relationship with jaebum. but god, she doesn't know anymore. whatever she had with jaebum feels like a distant memory now. she reckons jinyoung wants her to have a clean break with jaebum. end whatever that is going on between them.

"this may be out of the blue but," jinyoung starts again. "whatever you had or is having with him right now, i want you to fight for it."

what?

even youngjae's ears perk up, sitting up straight.

"i can't say much right now because i don't know what's going on with him," jinyoung continues. "but jaebum isn't... himself. he hasn't been as vocal about his thoughts as before. so i don't really know what he's thinking."

"why are you saying this?" youngjae pipes up.

"why me?" jaein asks quietly. jaebum already has someone waiting for him. no, he already has someone made for him. why would jinyoung want her to fight for jaebum's love? shouldn't he be happy that jaebum already has seulgi?

"why wouldn't it be you?" jinyoung questions, eyes locked. "you're unsure if he still likes you because of seulgi, am i right? but i can tell you that he still has feelings for you."

jaein just looks at him, unsure if she should even believe that. jinyoung is perceptive enough, so he continues, "trust me, i've known jaebum long enough. i know when he has feelings for someone."

but it still doesn't add up. why does jinyoung want her to fight for jaebum so much?

"look, he's my best friend. i want the best for him--"

the music suddenly stops and the crowd cheers. a man announces, hair the color of reddish brown, voice booming over the speakers, "here we have the highlight of the party: im jaebum!"

jaein swears she has never turned her head so fast. there jaebum is, looking dashing even though he's just donned simply: black leather jacket over a plain white shirt, black jeans ripped a little at the knees. his hair is swept back but half of his bangs fall over his forehead. jaein swoons over him. as jaebum walks to the announcer, jaein sees seulgi following, linking an arm around jaebum's. she looks pretty wearing a white halter neck cropped top with a pink wrap mini skirt. despite her jealous heart, her traitorous mind thinks the two look good together.

jaebum is passed the microphone and he starts, "thank you so much for coming to this party that my dear friend, jackson," pointing to the earlier chestnut-haired man, "has kindly hosted for me. it's great to be back and seeing familiar faces."

"what happened?" someone shouts in the crowd.

"i had an accident and for a while, i lost my memories," jaebum answers. "i was at ilsan while i was trying to recover my memories. but when jinyoung found me and brought me back to seoul, i slowly remembered."

jaein notices seulgi tugging jaebum. the man looks over his shoulder, and seulgi is just smiling back. he continues, not tearing his gaze from the female, "more specifically, everything came back to me the moment i saw seulgi."

the crowd coos. but jaein holds her breath.

seulgi gets shy, her face a light shade of red. she has her weight rested against jaebum, head leaning onto his shoulder. god, they look so hopelessly in love, it breaks jaein. she can no longer take it.

"i need some air," she mutters to youngjae before moving, pushing past the crowd to leave the villa. the last thing she hears is another shout from the crowd, "so when's the wedding?" which is followed by cheers.

jaein finds a spot near the backyard, empty. she stands at the railing, looking over the cityscape from the height. the city is still bustling, packed with crowds even with the late hour. and it makes jaein wonder: of all people she could fall in love with, why did it have to be jaebum? why did it have to be someone who's already attached? why must it be someone who has his heart occupied by another?

jaein should have known. she should have seen this coming. when she allowed jaebum to chase after his memories, she knew the risks fully well. yet she keeps hoping that it wouldn't happen at all. she keeps hoping, praying that the thoughts in her head are nothing but unnecessary and negative thoughts. that at the end of the day, jaebum would come back to her.

and god, jaebum even told her to wait for him! but now, even if she waits a century -- or even a millennium! -- jaebum will never come back. jaebum will never look at her. god, he probably doesn't even notice her at the party at all. is this all a way to spite her? that he had invited them just so that he could ignore her existence.

"hey," a voice pulls her from her thoughts. "i was looking all over for you."

jaein doesn't dare to turn. she doesn't want to look at him right now. because if she does, she's certain she will break down.

"jaein? hey, are you okay?" jaebum asks, face peering at hers. but she shuts her eyes, turns her face away.

"leave me alone," she utters weakly.

jaebum puts both his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to face him. "jaein, what's wrong--"

jaein pushes his arms away aggressively. "you're not coming back," jaein spits, eyes finally meeting jaebum's. she sees how his worried expression morphs into shock, his eyes wide. "you're not coming back to ilsan. to me," she emphasizes.

"jaein, i'm sorry--"

"god, i encouraged you to find your memories. i knew that there was a possibility you would leave but it was a risk i was willing to take," she fires. "and you-- you promised--! you promised you'd want me in your present and future, no matter what your past is!" jaein is furious. but to who the fury is directed to, she doesn't even know anymore. because ultimately, she can't blame jaebum for not knowing anything about his old life.

"you promised you'd come home," she utters weakly.

"jaein, i--" jaebum has a frown etched on his face. "i am home."

that's all it takes for the tension in jaein to disappear. the sorrow in her flows out like a river meeting its mouth. she doesn't even care about the tears that are spilling down her face. there is no point in trying anymore. there is nothing to fight for. jaebum has made his decision. jaein resigns.

"i'm truly sorry..." is all she hears him say.

she nods, sniffling. "you and seulgi go a long way back. and before your accident, you were sure that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. the answer is obvious, isn't it? what is our one year of memories compared to the ones with her?" jaein rattles on.

"jaein--"

"no, it makes sense. it makes sense for you to throw me away, now that you have your old life back," she fires, words venomous. her thoughts unfiltered. everything that has to be said must be said. she scoffs. "i'm just-- i was just a short fling for you. nothing more."

jaebum seems to have lost his voice. he only gapes at her. if that expression on his face is sadness, jaein doesn't want to believe it. after all, he'll be living a much better life from now on.

"jaebum!" she hears someone calling in the distance.

"go," jaein exhales, weak. "you belong with her."

the man before her hesitates. jaein raises her fist, biting down on her lip to stop her sobs. then she punches jaebum on the chest, hard enough that jaebum stumbles a little.

"just leave me be," she whispers more to herself. jaein turns around, shutting her eyes.

she hears the rustling of the grass, footsteps getting distant. she lets out a breath, trying to compose herself. but it only makes it worse. her emotions surge like a wave, crashing against her heart, eroding every single bit of armor she had put up for the past weeks. it brings her down, vulnerable and she's bawling her eyes out, crouched at the secluded spot of the backyard.

she doesn't know how long she stayed outside, but youngjae comes later, draping an arm around her shoulder, tugging her to his body. he doesn't speak a word; but jaein knows that he's aware of the situation. only when jaein is more composed and calm, did youngjae decide to call it a day. he helps her up, keeping a hand around her shoulders to soothe her swelling heart.

they walk past the villa, the clear glass windows allow them to see into the building when the lights are on. jaein wishes her treacherous eyes didn't try to look for jaebum. it only breaks her heart even more, for she sees jaebum and seulgi kissing in the center of all their friends, cheers from all around. seulgi has both her arms around jaebum's neck in a tight lock, and jaebum's arm winds around her waist. the cheers drown away the sound of her breaking heart -- shattered to pieces and further grounded into fine dust. she can no longer bear the tears in her eyes, can no longer bear to see any of them. so she pushes forward, through the gates and out of jaebum's life.

#got7 #got7 jaebum #got7 im jaebum #got7 scenarios #got7 jaebum scenarios #got7 im jaebum scenarios #jaebum #im jaebum #im jaebum scenarios #jaebum scenarios

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siempre-pedro · 5 years ago

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My Kid Punched His Kid |6|

Single Dad!Teacher!Ben Hardy x Single Mom!Reader

Summary: A playground fight between two 8-year-olds bring together 2 lonely single parents.

In This Chapter: Family dinner!

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Here’s part 6 everybody!!! thank you all for your patience, this isn’t the best I’m a little rusty PLEASE COMMENT, I LOVE THE FEEDBACK!

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

It seemed the curbside drop off was getting longer and longer over the past two months. Y/N rested her elbow on the armrest, her hand balled into a fist. The long line of cars wasn’t moving at all, kids ever so slowly trickling out of them. Her heeled foot tapped the floorboard in annoyance. Y/N bit her lip in frustration as her shoulders slumped “That’s it,” she growled through gritted teeth, angrily pulling out of the line and parking, violently stopping the car.

“Mom!” Abby gasped as she fell forward, hitting her forehead on the soft material of the read rest. She gasped again and looked up in the rearview mirror, sighing in relief to see her space buns still intact.

“Are you alright? This is why you wear your seat belt all the time,” Y/N lectures. Abby’s blue eyes lowered, huffing as she grabbed her backpack. Lesson learned.

Abby grumpily gets out of the car and pulls on her backpack, clenching on to her coat as they cross the street in between the roaring cars. Y/N held open the door and walked into the nearly empty lobby. “Goodmorning Alice,” Y/N greeted as she approaches the light brown wood desk. The older woman turned around and pushed up her large glasses.

“Good morning, Ms. Y/N. Abagail, you look, wonderful Darling,” she coos. Abby grins and raises her shoulders.

“Alice, what’s with curb? I know the weathers getting a little colder but damn,” Y/N laughs.

Alice’s red lips smirk “Oh Dear, it’s not the weather,” she chuckles. She grabbed a few books off her desk and pressed them against her chest “Ever since our Mr. Jones got a girlfriend all the moms don’t bother to come in,” she explains.

Y/N dips her head, she was the reason? She smiled and her cheeks turned a light pink “Good for him,” she says happily, almost in a whisper.

Alice puts the remainder of her book on the shelf next to her, she checks to make sure the coast was clear before leaning against the desk “You make him very happy, Y/N. Both of you deserve happiness,” she tells her sweetly. Y/N’s breath hitched, her eyes widening. Were they that obvious?

“H-how did you know?” she asks cautiously.

“Receptionists know everything,” Alice laughs with a roll of her eyes. “He’s on playground duty this week, you can find him there.”

Y/N takes Abby by the hand and nods “Thank you, Alice.”

After a long walk to the hallway, they opened the door and a rush of cold wind made them both shutter. Y/N’s Y/E/C eyes caught sight of the blond-haired teacher. He was smiling as a group of 5-year-old play ring around the rosy around him. Her heart started to flutter as she made her way to him, she began to feel nervous. That is until he looked up at her, his green eyes even greener with the overcast weather.

“Good morning, Ms. Y/L/N. Morning Tabby,” he smiles, shooing off the young ones around him.

“Morning Be- Mr. Jones,” Abby smiled shyly, correcting herself. Ben chuckled and place his hands on his lips, his lips formed a lopsided smile.

“Your fan club seems to be dwindling,” Y/N comments looking over to only see 5 moms in their tightest yoga pants staring at the young teacher.

“Well I only need one fan,” he responds, pushing back his blond curls.

“Abby!” James cheers as he runs up, the faux fur of his coat bouncing with every step. The boy crashed into his friend making her giggle. While the two interacted, Y/N phone began to buzz violently in her pocket. She rejected the call over and over, trying to hold a conversation with Ben. It kept on buzzing, she grimaces and pulls her phone out.

“Sorry, hold on,” she apologizes and steps away to answer the phone. Ben watched her tense figure pace back and forth, her finger pressed against her forehead in annoyance. This wasn’t good, he observed. When she came back her face looked panicked. “That was my publisher, they want me in for meetings today,” she sighs. Ben raised an eyebrow, how was it a problem? “I won’t be out till 6 and I have no one to watch Abby. I have to pull her out of school today.”

Ben reached forward and placed his hand on her bicep lovingly “I can watch her after school,” he offers kindly. His comments got the attention of their kids, who stopped everything and looked at the adults with hopeful eyes.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“I insist.”

“Ben!”

“Y/N, it’s no problem,” Ben deadpanned.

Y/N looked at Ben and then back at the kids “Fine, fine. I don’t know how to repay you.”

Ben smirked “Come to dinner? I’ll make something. I think it’s time for us to do that with them,” he whispers the last part of his sentence. She looked down at her toes in thought, he was right it’d been a while since they got together.

“Ok, yeah,” she started to laugh, tucking her hair behind her ear. Ben removes his hand and puts it in his pocket.

“So 7?” he smirks.

“7,” she repeats. She bends down and looks at Abby “Please be good.”

Abby rolls her eyes and nods “I promise, Mom,” she groans.

Y/N thanks Ben again and races off towards the doors. She wanted to love the idea of their tiny families coming together but she was scared. Scared of falling for Ben even more, scared of Abby loving ben like a father. She couldn’t take that heartbreak if her and Ben didn’t work out. Of course what if they did? And those dinners became more frequent. She hated hope.

Y/N’s day was so painfully slow, checking the clock in the office many times for the minute hand to not move an inch. She was definitely distracted, her mind couldn’t grasp the idea of someone was actually waiting for her to get home. That person who wasn’t her daughter or her mother waiting for her pick Abby up.

Soon she stood at Ben’s front door, the last time she was her Ben wrapped her up in his arms connected by a drunken kiss. She nervously took her hand and knocked on the wooden door, she could hear the quick patters of feet run towards it. “Mom!” Abby cheers as she opens the door, James right behind her, grinning.

“Hello, Darling,” she greets as she rubs her back, reaching forward to scruff up James’ head of curls. “Where’s your dad?”

“I think in the kitchen?” he responds, his nose scrunching. James took her by the hand and lead her to the kitchen. She knew this kitchen very well.

“Y/N!” Ben greets with a wide smile. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and a blue and white striped dishtowel draped over his shoulder “How was work?”

“Awfully boring,” she tells him, James not letting go of her hand, Abby soon joined and took her other hand.

Ben quickly walked around the counter and kissed her softly on the lips “You’re late,” he tells her, mockingly. It wasn’t mocking to her ‘you’re fucking late again Y/N. Where the fuck is my dinner.’ Grants words haunt her ears. Oh shit. Was Ben going to be the same way? No, no. He wasn’t Grant. Ben was sweet and kind, and annoying. “I’m glad you are though! I burnt the other sauce. I hope a jar sauce is ok?”

Y/N snapped out of her memory and smiled, laughing at his misfortune “That’s fine Ben thank you.” Ben wasn’t like him.

The kids helped Ben with the bowls of food, happily and carefully taking it to the table. The kids giggled and Ben laughed along with them as they set the table, Abby helping to organize the silverware for James. She sat at the end of the table, opposite Ben, the kids on the other side.

Ben looked up at her and smiled and with that smile, something snapped inside her. This vision of a blended family, a girl with no dad, a lonely boy who was longing to be happy, a man who had his heart shattered, and a woman was abused like no one should be. It was all unfolding right here. The feeling was pounding inside her chest, oh fuck, she knew what it was and she was scared of it.

She was falling in love with Ben ‘you stupid bitch,’ she thought to herself.

Link to masterlist/playlist (totally recommend reading with the playlist on)

taglist: if you have been crossed out Tumblr will not let me tag you! Im so sorry

@florenceivy//@everybodyplaythegame//@jalcolmjeed//@itstonimydudes// @sunshine112// @virtualsheepeat//@ixchel-9275// @onceuponadetectivedemigod // @roger-the-killer-queen // @hemmofluke // @cosmicsskies // @itstonimydudes // @poteda // @valeriecarolinaw // @atzinxanath // @magicwithaknife // @sweetthangbaby // @yxseminx // @horror-w3irdo // @lelifesaver // @dreamer821 // @financialinstability // @angiiee25 // @nopeko // @monochromedeacon // @theflybi // @glitterdreamsz // @dtftheavengers // @discodeakyy // @roger-taylors-drumsticks // @mrsmazzello // @sweetjellytine // @miss2001babe // @bellas2silly // @spreadymercury // @ramibaby // @killahqueennn // @sherlocked-to-the-tardis // @letmelivetaylor // @rogertaylorscigarettes // ��@maddistudiess // @aedeluca // @this-cute-shit-xo // @hardzzellos // @cyndagoaway // @agirlwithpointlessideas // @johnricharddeaconn

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #ben hardy fanfic #borhap #bohemian rhapsody

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uncomfortable-writers · 5 years ago

Text

Sugar and Spice 2 (Tony x Reader)

(Gif credit to owner)

Fandom: Marvel

Character: Tony Stark

Persona: Female

Word Count: 3,403

Warnings: Sugar Daddy!Tony, swearing, light smut in public, NSFW

18+ Only!

A/N - Decided to turn it into a little mini series! More plot driven then just straight up smut. Enjoy <3

Read Part One Here!

Tag List: @ofmiceand-batman // @hulksmashin-bannerpackin //

♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡

The sunlight peeked through the slight crack in the curtains, creeping softly over your closed eyelids. You groaned, shifting your head further into the pillow you were cuddling silently refusing to wake up. It was the faint smell of cologne simmering in the air and drifting innocently into your nostrils which reluctantly made your eyes open. Of course he was gone. Tony never stayed the night. He usually left soon after the deed was done, sometimes a few hours later if he craved further affection like cuddles. He must of let himself out after you’d fallen asleep.

Hickies and scratches were the only physical evidence of your late night activities, Tony’s scent a reminder that it wasn’t just a filthy dream. Your once pristine bed now a sinful disarray of tousled sweat-stained sheets, pillows scattered on the floor along with the pink bodysuit you’d worn. You willed your heavy heart to stop dwelling on the nostalgia from last night, sometimes you just wished that when you woke up in the morning, Tony was still there. With a shake of your head you pushed the thoughts away reminding yourself that this was only a business arrangement. Sitting up on your bed you felt like you were hungover; your body ached from the unholy acts Tony inflicted upon you. You wouldn’t have it any other way though.

Reaching out you picked up your phone. Your eyes scanned quickly over the various notifications ignoring the ones from Instagram and Snapchat, you were looking for one in particular. The little bit of naive hope you had left was diminished when you saw only a notification from your bank stating that a recent deposit had been made, “Typical”, you murmured, you didn’t know why you still hoped he’d send a good morning text, afterall when did Tony ever text you just to talk?

“Shit!”, groaning you quickly swung your legs over the side of your bed. You were late for work. Again. There was no way your boss, Pete, would tolerate this. Because of Tony you were late for the third time this week, he always wore you into a sleep coma.

You scowled at the burnt out candles as you grabbed a set of work clothes out of a drawer and dashed into your bathroom. A few hours late was better than not turning up at all right? It took you minutes to get ready, grabbing your already packed bag, you left to catch the bus for work hoping that you could still keep your job.

//////////\\\\\\\\\\

The journey was mundane apart from the anxiety seeping in your bones. You almost turned and bolted way from your place of work but you ignored the apprehension. You couldn’t run from all your problems in life.

Your friend Mia was the first to greet you as you entered the bustling workplace, for an office it sure was lively, “Pete’s gonna have a field day with you”, she teased waltzing past you to the break room, “Is that why you were late again?”. Mia tapped the side of her own neck with a smirk and you suddenly realised you hadn’t covered up the hickies. You couldn’t help but to grin back at her, “Mind your own business”. Mia hovered by the break room doorway to dish out one final taunt, “Y’know I don’t even know why you still work here, if I was getting what you earn in one night I’d retire for life”. You rolled your eyes at your friend, she knew about your arrangement just not who it was with although she tried on many occasions to find out. Walking over to the clock-in machine you called back, “Girl needs a hobby Mia”.

Your mood was starting to look up, maybe today wouldn’t be as bad as you first though. Just as you were putting your clock-in sheet back into the slot, Pete popped his head around his office door, “(Y/N)! My office now!”, he did not look happy. Mia tapped your shoulder, “Good luck”, and made her way back to her desk. ‘Spoke too soon’, you thought.

Smiling sheepishly, you leaned through the open door way, “You wanted to see me?”. Your boss nodded his head and motioned for you to come fully into the room. You offered him your sweetest smile, sitting down you clasp your hands in your lap and tried to turn up your charm. He sighed. Rubbing his forehead he finally met your eyes, “I’m gonna keep this to the point (Y/N). I’m making you redundant, you’ve had too many warnings”. You put on your best puppy dog eyes, “Pete please-”, but your boss cut you off, “I told you what would happen a few days ago if you were late again. You’ve had too many chances”. You wanted to protest again. Sure you didn’t need the job but it was something to do on the side to keep a steady income, just in case of emergencies. Ultimately the arrangement you had with Tony wasn’t forever. “No ifs or buts, I want your desk cleared by the end of the day”, Pete said then he wordlessly went back to typing away on his computer signalling the conversation was over. You nodded your head and walked out of his office feeling quite frustrated.

Your mobile vibrated against your hip. You fished it out of your pocket as you dropped onto your office chair:

From: Daddy ♡

Hey princess, daddy wants to play xoxo

Given any other circumstances and you’d be hornier than Loki’s helmet, but right now you were pissed off and defeated.

To: Daddy ♡

Not now i’m busy

His reply didn’t take longer than a second, almost like he was waiting for you which unbeknown to you he was. Sat alone in his huge office, on the highest floor of Stark Tower Tony grew bored of doing paperwork. His eyes lazily read through mission reports, his mind drifting to something more fun than paperwork, that something being you.

From: Daddy ♡

So? go to the bathroom and take some pics for me ;) xo

Your patience was being tested. You scowled at your phone, you were in this mess because of Tony, “Ugh”. Mia popped her head over the cubicle at the sound of your sigh, “Trouble in paradise?”. You didn’t look at her as you typed out a blunt response, “Yeah”.

To: Daddy ♡

I said no

Tony frowned at your text, genuinely stunned by your response. You were usually always up for whatever fun Tony wanted. He slumped back in his luxury leather chair for a few moments trying to formulate a response. When his brain came up short he rested his chin on his hand and typed a reply, confused about what had upset you so much. Tony wasn’t used to rejection, especially from you. After replying he dropped his phone onto the desk pouting, he schemed up a plan to make you happy again. You must be truly down in the dumps if you didn’t want to play with Tony when he asked.

From: Daddy ♡

Okay

You didn’t grace Tony with a response able to tell that he was upset. Mia rested her head on the top of the cubicle, “Take it Pete wasn’t too nice”. You put your phone into your bag, staring at the clutter on the desk you tried to figure out what you wanted to keep and what you could trash. “Got till the end of the day to tidy this shit up and go”, you lazily spoke deciding that your nails were a lot more interesting. Mia made her way around into your cubicle, “Looks like I better help you then”.

It was around 4pm when you finally got home.

Two small cardboard boxes were discarded by your door containing what little desk ordinates you’d deemed worthy of being saved. The rest was trashed, Mia drove you home thankfully so you didn’t have to struggle with the boxes on the bus. Your room was just as messy as you left it this morning only adding to your soured mood. Discarding your work heels you waddled over to your bed and dramatically fell onto it. As much as you wanted to sleep you could feel it evading you, much like you were avoiding checking your constantly buzzing phone. To distract yourself you decided to go job hunting, not the best way to spend a Friday evening but it was better than moping around.

You didn’t even bother to tidy up your bed sheets as you slowly opened your laptop lid and sluggishly began browsing. You phone pinged again and finally you welcomed the distraction.

Grabbing it you began to read through the notifications ignoring most of them until you came to Tony’s messages:

From: Daddy ♡

are you free yet princess??? xoxo ---- work’s boring wanna play?? xo ---- c’mon (Y/N) u know i dont like the silent treatment :( x ---- miss u baby girl ♡

You rolled your eyes, as annoyed at him as you were, you couldn’t resist the charisma he exuded even over text.

To: Daddy ♡

sorry stressful day at work, miss u too x

The local advertisements were boring as ever, nothing was catching your eye. Mia’s words about retiring echoed in your head, maybe it was time to work full time as a sugar baby. You thought about it for a few seconds before you envisioned Tony’s reaction. He could get very jealous when he wanted, maybe you’d bring it up with him if you couldn’t find any suitable job offers.

From: Daddy ♡

it’s okay baby, get dressed im taking u out for dinner. my treat. be there soon xoxo

“Guess I’ll get ready then”, you mumbled tossing your phone onto the bed, like usual you didn’t really have a choice. Gliding over to your wardrobe you pulled the doors open and stared at the contents. Dinner with Tony meant putting on a show and splashing the cash. Plates of expensive food that costed a small fortune for only a minute portion. Wine aged for centuries and dresses fit for models. It was never simple with Tony so there was no way in hell you could get away with putting on a t-shirt and jeans.

Your hands slipped over costly gowns made of the finest silks and other fabrics, the colours wonderfully exuberant in the gentle light. All beautiful gifts from Tony. He loved to spoil you, loved to have you on his arm in some sheer, little black dress that showed your delicate curves and long legs, loved the way people would look longingly at you both, jealous that you were with each other. Time was quickly passing by as you studied each dress, they all fit you perfectly and you adored each one. Usually you would’ve asked Tony what colour his suit would be so you could match but you didn’t have time. Sighing for what felt like the billionth time that day you automatically reached for a short black one but your hand hesitated. Hovering over to a red dress you decided to switch things up. The makeup on your face was simple just like the small, black clutch you paired with your black heels. Your phone whistled and you took that as your signal.

Skipping outside you first saw pricey convertible, you opened the passenger door and ducked in.

“Hey princess, aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes?”, Tony grinned, leaning over he placed a peck on your cheek, “Booked a place at your favourite restaurant, in your favourite booth too”. You barely had time to pull the safety belt around you before Tony pressed his foot to the peddle and jetted off.

/////////\\\\\\\\\

As much as Tony joked, complimented you and even touched you affectionately, the smile on your face didn’t quite meet your eyes and he couldn’t help but to be bothered by it.

“You know if you didn’t want to be here you could’ve just said no”, Tony half-smiled trying to keep the mood jovial although you could hear the underlying sadness in his tone. You tried to remain playful as you dismissed him, “Like you would’ve taken no for an answer”, your eyes then drifted around the restaurant. You were situated in a booth a few metres away from the other customers, almost secluded from everyone else. The booth was next to a massive window which showed the outside world below, it was dark now and the lights from various buildings lit up the night sky like fairy lights on a Christmas tree. Tony moved a little closer, his knee touching your own as he rested one of his large hands on it, “Alright you got me there but there’s something bothering you, so spill the beans (Y/N), I can’t help you otherwise”. This made your attention float back over to him; he was looking at you with such a sincere look in his wide brown eyes, he squeezed your knee encouragingly and you couldn’t help but crack before him. It was one of the reasons why you were still in an arrangement with him, Tony was so caring unlike any other man you’d ever met before.

A pouty look caused your bottom lip to jut out. Tony didn’t even try to hide his eyes glancing to them, dirty thoughts blooming in his mind. You continued to hold the expression secretly basking in knowing how it affected him. “I got fired because of you”. Finally Tony made eye contact with you, his eyebrows rising at the statement, “I got you fired? So that’s why you’ve been so pissy. Was it because of these?”, he rasped as he touched the few hickies visible on your neck and scattered just above the cut of the dress’ cleavage. Memories of last night invaded his mind and he couldn’t help but to smirk. You slapped his hand away, “No. You made me late again because I didn’t wake up in time”. Tony let his hand fall back to your knee, his eyebrows now knitted in confusion, “Sweetheart that sounds like you’re blaming me for a you problem”. You were starting to get irked again. There was truth on Tony’s part, you should’ve set alarms but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of agreeing with him. “No it is your fault, you came round late and let me fall asleep straight after”, your emotions were obvious on your features. You were about to swat his hand off your knee but Tony tightened his grip, a sacrilegious smile plastered to him.

“My bad princess, you’re right, it’s my fault”, Tony’s calloused fingers ghosted up your exposed thigh, “Let daddy make it up to you”.

Your eyes widened slightly as he started to push your dress up higher, he scooted closer to you in the booth completely intoxicating you with all of his being, “What? Here?”, Tony laughed at your incredulous tone, freezing his actions as you held his wrist in place. He leaned in to kiss your neck, “Let daddy make you happy princess”. You stifled a moan as his teeth grazed across one of your bruises, your grip on his wrist temporarily loosened as the first bouts of pleasure stirred within you. Tony leaned back into the booth, his other hand came to pull you into his side to urge you to relax, your head rested on his shoulder but you weren’t entirely comfortable yet, “What if someone sees?”. Tony placed a gentle kiss to your crown, “Just relax baby, I’ve got you”.

His finger flitted over your clothed pussy, hot to the touch, you whimpered softly involuntarily feeling your legs flinch open to allow him more room. “That’s my good girl”, Tony cooed, you gripped his bicep as you let him please you. To anyone else in the restaurant it would’ve looked like you were cuddling Tony, but little did they know he was about to be knuckle-deep in your cunt.

Tony started to rub with two fingers, ever so slightly bumping against you clit as he stroked up and down. You tried to keep your breathing even, going as far as to bite your lip. “That’s it princess, just let daddy take care of you”, he praised feeling your panties dampen. He took it as cue that you wanted more. The attention stopped ever so suddenly. Tony pulled your underwear to the side, the air was cool against your core which was burning hot. His fingers were poised over your entrance, his voice was a low whisper that commanded your attention, “Tell daddy what you want, beg for it”. Tony had gotten you so worked up from the teasing that you didn’t stop yourself from indulging him. You cheeks were dusted pink as you briefly lifted your head to see his eyes, “Please daddy, I want you to fuck me with your fingers, please”, you mewled looking sultrily at him through your lashes. “God you’re perfect princess”, he replied, leaning into kiss you. His tongue made its way into your mouth and just in time as he finally plunged his fingers into your slit, a groan erupted from you but Tony swallowed it.

Your tongues clashed perfectly in time to the rhythm Tony’s fingers were pounding into you at. Tony was the first to pull away, his lips swollen and hair slightly tousled, “When I first saw you in that dress tonight I knew sooner or later I’d have to touch you”, Tony slowed his fingers to deliver deeper strokes. You tried to resist the urge to buck up to meet his hand by squeezing his bicep, one dodgy move and people would know what you were up to. “I can’t wait till we blow this joint because I’m going to bend you over my car and fuck you silly”. You bit your lip to suppressed a hum, Tony continued, “And that’s a promise baby girl”, his fingers sped up again. Luckily the atmosphere of the restaurant was loud enough to block out the elicit noise of Tony’s fingers squelching in your pussy. Tony added another finger to stretch you deliciously while he used another to rub your clit in tiny circles.

“Oh god daddy”, you purred feeling yourself getting closer to orgasm. Tony started to curl his fingers deliberately to hit spots within you that usual made you scream. You teeth drew blood as you harshly bit down on the inside of your cheek. “Gonna cum for me?”, he murmured into your ear, nuzzling it with his nose. “Yes”, you said breathily. It seemed impossible but Tony went even faster, your hips wiggled ever so slightly, “Then do it”, he instructed. With a few more well placed thrusts from his fingers your pussy clenched, warmth gushed around them. Tony was sure you’d bruised his arm from how hard your fingernails were digging but he didn’t mind. He helped you to ride out your orgasm, eventually stopping his movements altogether when you were done, “Good girl”, Tony commented withdrawing his fingers, he placed your now soaked underwear back in place. A raging blush blossomed on your face as you knew there’d be a wet spot on the chair.

Tony wickedly licked his fingers clean, “You taste sweeter than any dessert, am I forgiven now?”.

Your lungs were still heaving in your chest, “I guess so, thank you daddy”, you pecked his lips and revelled in the fact you could taste yourself on them. Tony smiled at you, “Only guess so? I can get you your old job back if you want it, all you have to do is give me the name of your boss”. You shook your head, you tugged your red dress down until it was covering you correctly, “I’ll find a new one”. The last thing you wanted was for the people at your old workplace to know you were banging the Iron Avenger. Tony still grinned at you, “I can help with that too. Can even up your allowance till we find you a suitable place”, he finished with a wink. As grateful as you were, you didn’t need him to hold your hand everywhere you went, “Thank you but I’m sure I’ll get one just fine”.

“Alright suit yourself”, he chuckled loving how self-assure you were. A waiter approached your table carrying the orders of food, “Perfect timing, we’ve worked up quite an appetite”.

208 notes · View notes

abloomingperiod · 5 years ago

Text

junmyeon as a bf

the softest of the softies

kim junmyeon is an old-fashioned guy

and i’m not saying that in terms of being conservative or anything, ‘cuz i really hope he isn’t

i mean in the sense of love

like you know that kind of person who dreams the whole picture

he dates for a reason

unlike other members, junmyeon isn’t the type to not think about the future

being a leader makes you like that

but this gets less harsh on him when u arrive in his life

yk that whole romantic comedy movie where a guy runs into someone and it’s this beautiful woman with the biggest smile and they fall for each other and shit

well.......not exactly your case

he indeed ran into you with an iced tea in hands

except you didn’t smile at him

you basically screamed “SHIT IM SORRY ILL PAY U BACK”

he got so flustered w your reaction like

this really pretty girl just offered me some iced tea”

he was all like nonononononoooo don’t say that it’s fine don’t worry aha

you kept insisting but were late for work so you made him promise to come back to that bakery the day after bcs he WOULD be paid back no matter wHAT

he didn’t feel the need butyou were cute and he wasn’t with a thick schedule so why not right

so yeah ofc prince suho showed up

the next day he entered the place and saw you

you were so pretty watching you crinkling your nose over the hot coffee in your hands was already a payback

a cute one

cmon he’s cringey give him a chance

you bowed at each other and he realized you didn’t mention for Once between the whole minute after the accident and his arrival abt his name or profession as an idol

which for him

was nice

not a big deal, but nice

after you gave him his iced tea he was so polite you actually smiled bcs ajshskjsks cute ?

and then you started talking for a while

you introduced yourself, told him abt your dream to become a writer someday and he !!!!!

okay junmyeon easy on the hearbeats you got it

he just thought of this as such a COOL dream

writing for a living

now he was like this pretty girl... is a poet

i know

lame

but he’s adorable so who cares tbh

he talked to u abt being an idol and how was the position of the leader

you listened to every word and even though you lost a fee of them along with the honey like voice and puffy cheeks of his, you loved hearing abt it

after like 2 hours he had to go bcs schedule

but before you parted your way you had to go to the bathroom

when you went pay for your payback iced tea, you hear a waiter asking “mrs y/n? i believe that for you”

no shit there was the waiter holding a cappuccino

you got like Dude. there must’ve been a mist-

you turn the cup and there it is:

“for y/n

i loved the iced tea but since my goodbyes were a little earlier i most definitely own you a payback too. how abt sushi? xx” and the waiter hands you a note with his name and number

and that’s how you started seeing each other

jun is a quiet person so he won’t be like vocal abt developing a crush on you more and more

it would b like

you guys would hang out sometimes

and little by little he would catch himself getting the heart eyes

like you’re at a coffe shop

you would get passionate talking about some movie or song and suddenly there’s a drop of coffee on the side of your lip. you didn’t notice but he did but he thought you looked so cute popping off about ur favorite music he would just sit there like,,, 💖nvm💖

and with those little stuff he would catch himself thinking yup they’re gonna b mine

so one day he went like soooo maybe i’m catching feelings i didn’t know this was happening sorry??? so i think u should know that bcs it’s abt u... i’m fancied by u i didn’t mean it to happen

like straight up he APOLOGIZED

FOR LIKING U

you were like goshkjsjksj so cute

and decided to play w him a little

“so you don’t want to like me” “NONONOOO THATS NOT WHAT I MEA-” “jk i got it i really like you too and maybe we could kiss to see what happens”

he combusted

so yeah you’re dating that’s what happened

so caring literally sO CARING

calls you on a daily basis when he’s away to talk abt the weather the boys his breakfast how much he misses you how he saw those flowers outside and it reminded of you or how he will bring you to that country when it’s vacations

he’s such a husband material fuck me

keeps notes of things you like so he can hit the high score on important dates

talking abt dates

fancy

i mean he’s bourgeoisie ofc it’s fancy

such a lovely boyfriend i’m actually sad

jun is restaurants with low lights, candles, roses and holding your hand while talking about how he never seemed to figure out the food app to find a cool place to go to so he just asked chanyeol with a pout on his lips

“you’re such an old man” “i’m simple it’s different”

on your 1 year anniversary he took you to a boat ride on a lake witha guy playing violin and wine and cheese waiting for you

simple my ass

keeps bringing coffee and flowers for you every friday night you get together bcs it’s your “tiny vacations” as he calls it

on weekends with you the only ppl he answers is either manager or a serious question from the boys/his family

and it’s always a short “yes” or “no” or “👍🏻”

fuck it he’s with his baby leave him alone

loves cooking with you

like fuck it if it’s not that tasty he just LUUUVES doing it with you

probably because he gets to hug you a lot

like you’re in the stove and he had already placed everything in its own place so he goes behind your figure, hugs your waist and places his lips on your shoulder to give you tiny pecks and praise your cooking

“junmy this is practically burnt” “you’re the best cooker i know”

once you guys were enjoying a whole ass week together and the last time you were together for more than a day were like 6 months before

you were so all over each other he went to do the same thing and you guys ended up making out in front of a precooked pan of french fries

long story short, your toasted it and only saw that coming bcs jun went to embrace your waist and his fingers touched the hot pan

“that happened bcs of you and your teenager behavior” “YOU COULD’VE MOVED” “I WAS TRAPPED”

so guess what you did after you applied some salve om his fingers

he was staring @ u all 💖💖💖💖💖

you were like ,,,what

he just shrugged and murmured “you’re beautiful”

that’s right

you fucked

not fucked in a Fucked way

yall made love

kim junmyeon is all about luv

i remember someone posting here that he probably fucked like white people and i-

that person ruined it for me

i hate yall

i will defend him till the end of time my boi DOES NOT fuck like a white person

takes it very seriously as he sees it as an opportunity to shower u with the love u deserve

on that day you actually convinced him you should do the hard work

HELL YEAH YOU RODE THAT BITCH

jun seems like soft dom for me like just bcs he’s in charge for most of the time doesn’t mean youon get to do a thing

that time as you rode him you got very like Very excited but you saw in his eyes how desperate he was to touch you entirely so you catch his hand and kiss his fingertips slowly

he kept smiling for you saying “god you are so beautiful” “i love you so much”

but you’re a little shit and always tries and bring his rough side out

so you open your mouth and lick his two burnt finger from the knuckles to the tips

he got so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not really a vocal guy

heavy sighs and low groans are it for junmyeon

very into dirty talk

but a fancy one

“does my baby likes it when i make her beg?” “look at me, love. do you want it from where i can kiss your back or your breasts?” “you’re mine to take and no one else”

we don’t support women treated as objects but this is a sexual environment and you’ve always consented him to say things like that in bed

he’s a gentlemen fuck it

once you were so horny you straight up said “i don’t give a fuck about formality just make me cum at least three times”

he got 😳 for a sec but got your point

not a rough lover but once you get in a fight

bitch

you’re both pretty mature ppl so every rare time you fight it’s very Very serious

will kiss you until your both breathless just so you can not even catch your breath bcs he will be kissing your neck and liking your skin

slaps your butt?

absolutely

a fucking lot

“funny how you turn shut the fuck up as soon as i lay my hands on you”

makes you strip for him

has a thing for watching where your bodies connect

call him baby and he’s got a 3 secs tops soft jun

like a little grin with puffy cheeks

and he’s back with the restless pounding

bathtub aftercare is a must

massages your feet as you talk sweet nothings for him

if you’re feeling feisty might get a romantic round two

loves doing it slowly so he can drag it to the point you get so hot and bothered you beg

“oh god- just please- jun, faster”

likes it when you rub his back after

get a shot of soft myeonie post-sex

lays in his stomach and quietly asks “can you”

you lay there also on your stomach and rubbing his back drawing circles and talking about life

once he got so full of idk emotion?? love?? idk never been there

he just poured a whole “marry me”

like dude.

“WHAT” “not today, like... in a few years maybe idk forget it”

he closed his eyes to dismiss your reaction and just felt a warm peck on his naked shoulder

“of course i’ll marry you a few years”

his eyes shot open like This woman. the loml. dead ass said yes to my hypothetical proposal”

he actually got emotional

“kajsksjsksjsk really?????????v

“yes really”

and there was a teardrop

you felt like dying

i mean I feel like dying rn

doesn’t say it but thinks abt having kids someday

and u know that bcs honestly it’s suho everybody just Knows that

his parents? ofc they know you

exo? absolutely sure they know you

“one day we’re gonna have a dinner on like christmas with my family and yours” “baby they don’t even live in korea” “i don’t care we’ll pay” “STOP”

really treasures your relationship like i’m not here to play games i’m past mid-20’s this is Serious

and because he’s so worried and serious he nevers seems to let loose

which is probably normal since he’s a leader

but it makes him so !! all the time u get worried

once he actually CRIED out of stress

and you ofc were there

you kept hugging him tightly and slowly rocking his body with yours kissing his tears away as he kept softly saying “i’m fine, don’t worry”

you didn’t stop worrying

you said “if you’re fine then i can stay here hugging my boyfriend”

he nodded and kept sobbing for a little while

his head was pounding so you literally laid him down and cuddled him in your arms, fingers between his locks and hot breath on his neck

he once said the sound of your breath calmed him

so that’s what you did

you calmed him

and that’s everything he ever wanted

someone to be there for him on tough times like he’s always there for everyone

he loves the fact you’re always so calm and ready to solve any problem that appears

he loves the calmness and ““““normal”””” atmosphere you bring to him

after all those years of hardship and responsability

you showed him he could be a leader and have more fun on a daily basis

he deadass thinks abt your marriage

like it’s barely 6am, he wakes up and sees you sleeping next to him, hair everywhere on the pillow and mouth open

his heart goes 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

his arms goes to your sleeping body

& his mind “i’m gonna marry this girl someday”

idk i feel like i could write a whole ass fanfiction of 50 chapters on suho and id still have 100 scenarios of him in mind

i honestly love him sm

such a nice boy

he deserves so much more

give lota of love to him he’s perfect

that’s it i’m done

#kim junmyeon scenario #kim junmyeon imagine #suho imagine #suho scenario #exo headcanons #you can tell hes special to this bitch #i lobe him so bad fuck it #id die for kim junmyeon guardian of exp

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

Text

March 28th-April 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from March 28th, 2020 to April 3rd, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

How many hours do you work on your comic per week, and how do you manager to balance that with other responsibilities?

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

heheh So we are.. cheating a bit Both me and my coworker are unemployed, and is working on hour comic, like was it a full time job. It is our passion project, and dream that we can work and live of makeing comics. In Denmark you can apply for grants from the government, but you need to have releashed a book before that is possible. We are useing the comic, to show potentional clients in the future what we can do. For now we are working on it from 09:00-17:00 ish (with a long lunch break) while applying for other kinds of grants, and also does all the things we are supposed to to get our unemplyment money, and searching for jobs, and freelance gigs, gathering the courage to start our own small company (not right now though) and yeaah time will tell

carcarchu

@Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS that doesn't sound like cheating to me? more like using the tools at your disposal to turn your passion into a viable career

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

hehe it feels a little like cheating! there are some debates about if it is okay or not, but we think that strengthening our skills is a good use of our time

eli [a winged tale]

Haha also not cheating! It’s great you’re using the time to chase the dream I’m curious what’s your breakdown for those time working on the comic? As for me, usually 1-2 hours a day with a bit more on the weekend if time permits. These days with the quarantine it’s about 2-3 h a day

DanitheCarutor

Since I'm unemployed until who knows when I've been working on my comic between 40-50 hours a week about 6 to 7 days a week... most weeks. Some days, like update day or chore day, I hardly work on the comic or don't work on it at all. Admittedly I'm not the best at balancing drawing with other responsibilities, sometimes I get so into it that I forget about daily house chores, other weeks I do the opposite and only do house chores which makes me totally behind of comic stuff. I can't seem to find a good middle ground, it always turns into completely focusing on one or the other.

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah when I get in the zone, time flies and life gets put to the wayside

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So I have no school or work, so the webcomic has become almost a fulltime project for me

I average about 10 hours per day working on it, not counting on chores and exercise

Another thing I worry about is the possibility of carpal tunnel syndrome, which is why I've been relentless with exercise, too

I guess it's just a combination of relentless reminders and also sheer willpower that gets me to do other responsibilities haha

@eli [a winged tale] also I know that feeling

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

So since my school had to cancel, I have to be more responsible for my online course. Sometimes I give myself 2 days off each week to work more into my upcoming webcomic but I have to switch my mind for school work, online classes. Also extra time for food. I need to get back into exercise or I feel exhausted more easily. I keep a wall schedule so that I make it a routine to write what I'll do every 3 or 5 days, to keep my active brain reminded(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I spent the majority of last year (fun)employed (partially by choice, partially not! my previous job let me go rather unceremoniously... and I needed a hiatus anyway... so it worked out) so I poured a lot more hours into that chapter of Phantomarine than I usually did. I worked on it almost every day - at least for a couple of hours, but sometimes up to a full eight-hour day. That number has dipped tremendously since I’ve gone back to work, but I’m spreading the same amount of time out in a broader way. I’m trying to get a good buffer during my hiatus, so I can work and draw in a healthy balance. I don’t have crazy overtime at my current job like I did at my last one, so that’s already a comfort. I’m confident I’ll be able to hit a good stride once the comic returns in June (edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Can’t wait Lady!!

Feather J. Fern

Two part time jobs, and school killed my comic, but I been working on getting one panel done a day, which is around 30minutes to an hour if possible.

eli [a winged tale]

My routine used to be rendering on the commute but now just once in am and once pm until this limbo time is clarified

That’s awesome Feather! It’s so rewarding when everything comes together after putting effort everyday

Feather J. Fern

Once school is done in two more weeks I will be more free to do things so I hope to get maybe two panels done in a day XD

Online school, stupid quarantine

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Due to the pandemic im mostly off school and my part time job so i spend like 4-5 hours on my comic per day. Still would like try to get a page done per day but lmao digital painting is slowwww

eli [a winged tale]

What’s everyone’s tips for breaks/stretches/balance? I feel like I certainly need to revisit these to avoid burnout and continue feeling motivated!

Feather J. Fern

Actually there was a cool manga artist who's tip was literally he only worked working hours. His mornings are free and since manga was his job, he worked form 12-6, giving him 2 hours to do other work he needs to get done, and takes morning walks and stuff.

Another person I know had "No working weekends" as a thing becuase they are a freelancer.

I personally have try to make sure I ahve a routine, and actually, stretch before drawing.

Streetch before, during a break, and then after, to keep that body nice and warmed up

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Health-wise there's this hing for your : every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. I'm not good at following this, but when I do it, it helps a lot.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Despite the current pandemic, my work-life hasn't changed much (unless you count stress getting in the way). I am currently "unemployed," but I do consider comicking my full-time job. I am also not very good at balancing work and life. Something's always gotta give. Last year, I worked at a job that basically ruined my ability to work on my comic. I worked 30-40 hours typically, ruined my sleep schedule, took work home sometimes, and was constantly exhausted. This is what resulted in my year and a half long hiatus, and it's what drove me to work like hell on my comic when I quit. Now (when I'm in the groove and not suffering from art block), I typically spend 60-70 hours on my comic and get 2-3 pages done: - 30 hours sketching (I know, ridiculous) - 5 hours filling in base colors - 20-25 hours painting - 5 hours adding text, speech bubbles, sfx, and finishing touches - 1-2 hours formatting for Webtoon I also spend some time throughout the week typing up the script, doing concept art for things coming in the future of the comic, and preparing for conventions, but I can't tell you exactly how much time.

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks for the breakdown! I’m always keen to learn from everyone and seeing how the workflow is like for different people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh don't forget to do wrist stretches!

eli [a winged tale]

Ahh formatting time is always so tedious for me!

Yes wrist exercises! Any recommendations?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

hmmm well the easiest one is literally just shaking it out

like every hour

and I also like to hold my arm out parallel, point my fingers up and using my other hand to pull the fingers back so i'm stretching the wrist

then I point the fingers down and pull on the fingers until my wrist is stretching

eli [a winged tale]

Awesome. Will be adopting those!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm pretty fast. 2-6 hours per page, depending on how detailed it is. Average of 3-4. I could probably do 2 pages/ week easily enough, but don't want to do more than that. I'm the kind of person who always needs to be doing a million different things. I need to leave time for my other hobbies and my paintings and my academics and extracurriculars. Otherwise I'd get burnt out doing one thing only

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

@eli [a winged tale] So since it is both me and @Q (Wayfinders: Off Course) working, we start with working on a rough each, our goal is one step (so rough, ink, color) for two pages pr day, pr person. So in a weak the goal is four finished pages a week, and then we upload 3 pages per week. So it is divided that in the morning we start at 09:00 in the morning, maybe checking mail, being practical or whatever. Then we work until 12:00 were we eat lunch, go for a long nice walk and then we go back to work between 13:00 and 14:00 ish and then work until 17:00 when we begin to prepare dinner. Then of course breaks inbetween

Q (Wayfinders: Off Course)

It’s pretty wild to be able to dedicate your entire day to comics like that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

damn you all work fast

do you guys have any tips on how to work on a webcomic faster?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, I wish!

Still looking for those magical secrets

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) You know the 80-20 rule? You can get 80% of the result with 20% of the effort? My comic is very messy if you zoom in. I don't spend time making sure the linework or the coloring is perfectly clean. Also, I'm pretty fast at drawing figures. I used to practice figure drawing a lot by rushing to draw strangers irl before they moved, or by drawing a bunch of fast figures from the free figure drawing model websites online. I've also taken a figure drawing course (didn't even have to pay because it was part of my university! Even if you don't have that option you can probably find free life drawing sessions on Meetup or similar!) which really helped me streamline my process for drawing people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh I see! Yes, I used to take life drawing classes too! And your response makes me feel a lot better

I tend to be a bit messy with inking, and since i'm a perfectionist a lot of my time is wasted on editing/clean up

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've seen cronaj draw, and while I think the results look excellent, I think her method is a kind of inefficient. She draws like a printer, nearly finishing one detailed body part before moving on the the next. I think maybe if she drew in a more classical way, going from a gesture drawing to progressively more detailed, it might help her be faster and her poses more cohesive and dynamic. Maybe working on 1 or 5 min figures would help? Practicing things like this?

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I try to do figure practices for efficiency

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I heard that there are some online life drawing vids you can follow too

but what are your experiences with online life drawing vids versus the real thing

like is there a real difference?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

found some of my old 1 minutes

To me there's not too much difference

I've heard some people say that life drawing is either way easier or way harder though. Because of your depth perception when looking at a real person

But the bruises on my legs can attest to my horrid depth perception haha. That might be why I don't notice a difference

Actually those previous sketches might be 30 seconds? I don't remember

I would recommend you try both but right now we pretty much only have the online option haha

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I’ve done both and I think irl creates complexity with depth and the interactions with others etc is helpful but online is my go to for flexibility

I think having a process streamlined will make things more efficient. The downside is that it might feel tedious and I do switch it up from time to time for variety

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Might feel uncomfortable but that's how you know you're improving

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There is a TON of difference for me. I HAVE to look at a physical model in front of me.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Can't get better if you always do the same things

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is what my brain does.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I wonder- could drawing yourself in a mirror be a decent substitute?

If youre lucky you might also be able to ask an SO or roommate to model for you. Should probably pay them back by cooking for them or something though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Brain: sees a real model in front of me Brain: translates 3D to 2D, result: drawing Brain: sees a photo/video of a model Brain: SHIT. That's supposed to be 3D, isn't it? Brain: Translates 2D to 3D (basically re-constructing it in my head, or attempting to re-construct) so that it can translate it back to 2D Brain: BSOD

There's some online resources out there that have "3D" photos... you know, two near-identical images side by side, so if you look at it cross-eyed, it becomes 3D?

But I can't do those because I get a headache X'D

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just thinking about drawing from that makes me dizzy

eli [a winged tale]

Oh interesting!

Yeah maybe looking out the window to draw people would be the way to go...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But maybe figure drawing in VR exists?

eli [a winged tale]

Balcony figure drawings

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I live on the top floor so those are going to be some very small figures

eli [a winged tale]

For ants

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Once this coronavirus thing is over, there's lots of ways you can do gesture drawings from just random people -- bus stops, cafes, museums (I have not done this, but people who have done this report this is really good because others assume you're drawing the artworks. XD)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've done this a lot

Sometimes I've even shown people drawing of themselves if they've turned out particularly nice

They've always taken it well

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I like drawing my professors because they use hand gestures a lot when they talk

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Airport was REALLY good for finding people stuck in one pose indefinitely

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

they alwayas laugh when I show them

eli [a winged tale]

Shadow omg I do that too

Draws classmates

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah the only issue i have with drawing classmates

is that they're always doing the "i'm using my phone" pose

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Become the master of drawing people on their phones

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Maybe try drawing children on the playground?

This works better if you're a woman

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh thank jesus

I also like going to the zoo or the museum

or the aquarium if i'm feeling adventurous

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I am a University student so I also have some pretty interestng drawings of people asleep in weird poses

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I really need to start going to weekly figure drawing sessions once this is over (there's one here... 20 min drive... 8AM Saturdays )

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ditto or just go to the park and draw

and @Eightfish (Puppeteer) I've had some.....weird poses from all my profs

one guy was incredibly hard to draw; he was VERY enthusiastic about showing us knife skills

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The parks here are too spacious, to a degree where it's weird to get close enough to people

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Bring binoculars

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Don't worry ma'am I'm an artist

nothing sketchy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

(except my sketch)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

A+ pun right there

another place to go for figure drawing

theaters

like.....opera/plays

I once tried drawing the men dancing in the Newsies musical

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Tried that once, but it took me out of the performance

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

same i was dazzled by dancing men

aaaaand then i abandoned sketching at all when they started throwing newspaper strips into the audience

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But they were giving you free paper!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

THEY WERE

i'll take what i can get

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) While I agree that my method of drawing is "inefficient," I do not draw like a printer. There are videos of people drawing like a printer and it's not what I'm doing. I have done gesture drawing before, but it always looked incredibly abstract, and not quite like people, which is fine, but not what I'm going for. I treat gesture drawing like a warm-up exercise. It doesn't really do anything for my end result, but gets my drawing muscles stretched out.(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Gesture drawings are definitely a good warmup!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Perhaps it was an inappropriate analogy. What works for me I guess wouldn't work for everyone. I was trying to offer advice because whenever you talk about how much time you spend on art and you work life balance it's commendable but also dismaying. I hope you find something that works for you in the future

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oh god.. I sometimes work 6 hours a day. I guess thats like 30 hours a week? Crazy to think about, it's like a full job

Oooh you guys are sharing figure drawings... I swant to show some of mine

Behold

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My figure drawing usually breaks down into like, medical anatomy study. I feel like I understand body shapes better by including the muscles & bones

carcarchu

ABS the most important figure study

Deo101 [Millennium]

ah figure drawing? I love figure drawing ^^

I do like a lot but this kinda thing is most of it

anyways as for the question at hand, I do a lot of different things for my comics weekly. My millennium pages take me 2-6 hours i would say, but I also have patreon things I need to do so I'd say i spend 10-15 hours on it a week. for my other comic, I spend about 6 hours an update, and it updates every other week. but honestly, all of my free time goes to assorted comics. If i'm not working on school work or chatting with people, I'm working on things for patreon, potential merch, or other comics I want to start sometime.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oooh nice poses!!’

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks!! I have a ton of gesture/figure drawings but these ones are my most recent that I have saved to my computer i think

10 minutes im pretty sure. very good for speeding up

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Those look really nice, good values

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks ^^ I really hate working in charcoal honestly, it kinda always winds up hurting my body somehow, but its very quick sooooooo

kayotics

My answer for the prompt question has changed a lot since I started quarantine lmao... I used to do about 10 hours of work throughout the week on my comic page (usually after work, I have an office job) but ironically it’s gotten harder while I work from home. I’ve been struggling to find time since I don’t have a separation between work and home now, and putting the boundaries up of “I’m not always available” to coworkers is difficult.

Also on figure studies: they’re a great way to practice speed. I use the concepts of figure drawings all the time.

RebelVampire

@kayotics As someone who always works from home doing remote contract work, I have to say I think this is something a lot of people underestimate about work at home life. In that it's sometimes really difficult to establish boundaries with ppl and make them understand you aren't always available and also aren't gonna work billions of hours of overtime. So I'm sorry to hear that's affecting your comic work.

Shadowmark Productions

I work anywhere from 6-8 hours a day on comic stuff. That’s an average though. Sometimes I slack and need to pull all nighters to make up for it. Yes, I am terrible at time management. They say entrepreneurs are the only people willing to work 80 hours a week for themselves so they do not have to work 40 hours a week for someone else. I guess webcomic creators are the only people willing to work 80+ hours a week so that they can... go to work for someone else afterwards

AntiBunny

4 days of procrastinating, 1 of procrastinating and hating myself, and 2 of actual comic drawing seems to make up my weekly comic making schedule. :p

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can only imagine how stressed I would be if I forced myself to update weekly

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

This is a hard question to answer because it varies a lot depending on my energy levels. Ideally I’d spend several hours a day on comics, but realistically I draw as much as possible when I have the energy (5+ hours a day for as many days in a row as I can handle it) and then go weeks or months too tired to do comics. On average, barring any long periods of exhaustion or other interruptions from RL, I spend about 20+ hours a week making pages for my comics.

sagaholmgaard

I prefer to work on my comic for about an hour ever morning and maybe 2-3 hours in the evening, that's the ideal routine for me. Right now I sadly have a lot of schoolwork to do (writing my thesis) so i might get less than 30 minutes in the morning and then feel rlly tired in the evening so I dont get as much time then either. but oh well!

I can still work for 4-5 hours on the weekends so I manage ^^(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

The whole stay-indoors order's currently completely wrecked my pattern, but before that I did between 3-4 hours a day.

Shadowmark Productions

Can’t imagine the stress of a daily or even weekly posting schedule. Hats off.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator babble #creator interview #comic creator interview #comic tea party #ctp

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mattyslittleworld · 5 years ago

Text

I’m in a cafe in a French little corner of Toronto called Leslieville. I’ve been on the road for a few days by myself, about to start a Canadian week run. My bro hit me about booking a small cool situation and honestly I needed it. First show is a house show and I pulled up to load in...a punk girl full of patches watering plants on her deck. The house looked condemned. I walk in and the house smells like cat shit, there’s stains everywhere, food everywhere, spaced out wonderful dedicated humans, and hardcore posters all over the walls, showing the house shows they’ve thrown over the years. The punk girl said they’ve been doing shows for 6 years. They slide the couch over and setup a PA. This is exactly what I need in my soul. I grew up in these punk squats all over the world. I am this. I come from this. These people don’t know who Casanova or Albee Al are. They don’t know Fetty Wap or Tsu Surf. They know Realm Hulud and this underground culture they love applying to the outside world that pushes them away. A truth to be romanticized.

I felt like I burnt myself out a month ago. Taking my dreams and flipping them into reality - the loss of friendship and love made me march forward and demand a new life and once that door opened I ran full speed and never looked back....until Quad Studios a few months back. I looked in the mirror and found nothing of the person I was - no resemblance of that kid. That scared me. So when John hit me with this I accepted immediately and packed my shit. I just wanna have convos about challenging, progressive, active things. Trade road stories. Talk about 7inches. Hardcore and punk. I’m grateful to be able to experience both of these worlds. I asked the punk girl if there was a coffee shop and she said there’s a booouuugie one around the corner if “you like spending a lot of money” and when I got here the barista charged me 2 bucks. I love that fuck the system attitude, although at the same time I think I’m becoming a part of the system - the sold out, corporate side of the music business that we all ran against our whole lives. I mean I just wrote a song with Casanova about texting. I just rapped 4 bars with Tsu Surf about gucci sunglasses and Louie v coats and fucking in the back of an Uber.

I packed my shit and went to NYC and finally got to check out the Queens Bridge housing that Nas grew up in. They were huge. So many. It was so awesome. You can sense the pride and community. From there I just drove around NYC finding spots I used to hangout in as a kid. Blasting inspiring tunes and just vibin out.

Ended up in Spanish Harlem, Queens, China Town. Damn I love New York. At 4 am I left and started my drive to Canada with a stop at Niagara Falls, where I had a Hotel for 2 days waiting for me. I checked in and just cooled out for 2 days it was amazing. I forgot how much I love touring alone. I drove a half hour to Andy’s house and hung out with him and his wife for the night. And damn did I need that. I needed trust. Loyalty. Familiarity. Friendship. Somebody who grew up fighting like me. Who left that life behind like me. Who’s been in real trouble and seen real life hell like me. We both came so far. Beautiful.

Im currently in a hotel in Chicoutmi, Quebec. The window open, breeze coming in nice and sweet. Canadian currency everywhere. Coffee cups everywhere. Ive only eaten fruit the past 2 days. I feel good. Last night the drive was really lonely and long, but I toughed it out and here I am. Thinking back a few days ago to Toronto, I was so inspired and so electric. The hotel was right downtown and I walked all the way to Chinatown and the markets. Running around by myself blasting music. You go throughout your life knowing you need to outlive your demons - nights like that really defines that. The shows have been so cool. Great people. Great conversations. I have a few Canadians and im back in the states.

Ive been editing three music videos along the way. One of which is with Casanova. Im really proud of this. I never thought id get to such a height of being in the room with someone as famous as him. We did the song and it was amazing - but for him to double back and hit this video with me and Rob, damn. The day of the shoot I was so quiet and so awkward before I left. Is this happening? Is this really a thing? Is he really gunna show up? A model is coming. Rooms have been rented. People have been invested. Its all on us. We got there early and set up the set. Ive said it many times before on here - my life socially is completely different. Everybody in my life is brand new and not many people know of my past musical endeavors or even my past in general. But having Rob and Colgan there with me really made me happy. Through thick and thin. I didnt hear from Cass all day so I shot him a text - no answer. I was like oh my god should I call and be annoying? Called him and immediately picked up AYO WHATS GOOD MATTY! 1030 right?! And I was like damn. This dudes a good dude. I asked him if he wanted any Hennessy and he said Yeah pick me up a bottle of dusse. I was like no problem dude….hung up…looked at Rob and went…”What is Dusse?” And he was like NO IDEA LOL. Hit Colgan who was on the way like yo can you scoop Cass some Dusse on the way?? He was like WTF IS THAT!!! I was like IDK so I did the whitest thing ive ever done (Besides being a white rapper) and sent him a google image screen shot and boom nailed it in time. Cass calls and belv goes to let him and his crew in and they mob up and its on. All love from there with such a good vibe. Me and my day 1’s making history…..I remember specifically me rob and Colgan at the port Monmouth skatepark hopelessly lost of a future. Written off by our town and society. Parents let down. Pieces of local shit that’ll amount to nothing. Here we are. Roc Nation….from the basements man. With Belv in the house - without him…none of this would be possible. Killed the video and it left me inspired to see bro just get in the back of a black suburban and drive off. Like damn. Thats wealth. Mentally, and financially. Thats inspiring to me. To be that much of a millionaire but still come and put on for some kids he sees potential in.

I feel a void though. I want to share this all with somebody. Im ready for a relationship - I feel my mind and body gravitating towards that way of thinking and behavior. I think back to the days of having a home in someones heart….so comforting. I needed to run though. I needed this time. I needed to raise hell. I needed those fights, to fuck my life up. I NEEDED this. I needed to plant my feet on this planet and just get my name known. Make shit happen. The window is open right now…and a storm is rolling in off in the distance. You can see lightning. You can see the clouds darken. Wow. After this show im going to rush back here and just watch it on this sill.

I feel extremely emotional right now. Im trembling.

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