#advice from a former codependent who stopped giving a fuck successfully a long time ago

[thessaralka]

the best mental health advice i can give when it comes to not caring about how other people think of you is to assume it's not about you, and don't take it personally.

you never know if a rude person is really being rude because they have social anxiety or diarrhea and their mom just died and they're just not noticing their behavior.

you can't assume tone over text like you think you can. assume you're really, really bad at reading tone over text, because you are. most people are not professional writers who are stellar at communicating tone, and not everyone speaks the same text language, in fact most people have their own way of speaking that translates through text differently person to person.

my standard is that if someone has a problem with me, they either say it to my face in person, or there is no problem at all. someone who cannot communicate with you about a problem they have with you has no problem with you, they have a problem with themselves that is their responsibility to work out on their own time in private, and it is a boundary violation on your part to get involved with their internal struggles and assume their shit is yours to deal with.

strangers do not get a place at my table until they have proven that they come in good faith, so i pay the opinions of strangers no mind, the people whose opinions matter to me have my phone number and know my middle name and the color of my bare eyebrows.