#admittedly sometimes I like in progress events for what I feel like they COULD be versus what they are

[kalinara]

I suppose I should clarify that I'm really only talking about the Storm-X-Men-X-Factor issues for X-Manhunt. And it may be more of a matter of perception over reality.

I guess for me, I don't really count Uncanny and NYX, because they felt like establishment issues. Xavier passes through, but nothing really lasts beyond that. We don't see the characters chasing him through multiple issues until we see the Adjectiveless X-Men appear in Storm, leading into the three issue long confrontation.

But Storm was a really strong showing, where we get Scott as the relentless pursuer wanting to see Xavier face justice. (I did raise my eyebrow a little at Storm's response since Scott did spend most of Fall of X/Fall of the House of X in captivity, including getting tried and sentenced to death for Krakoa's deeds. But well, she wasn't entirely herself there, I suppose.)

And when she gets Scott in the face, that's the first time we see Xavier have a genuine "what have I done" moment. Scott isn't actively a part of the subsequent X-Men issue, but I feel like it still ties into the pursuit angle, while then we get the bulk of X-Factor as Scott-and-Alex's fight, and more of Scott's anger about Xavier. (I'm still mulling over that, actually. You might be right about it being the virus, but Scott did come, army at the ready, before exposure to it, so I think some of it is probably real.)

Maybe it's just because Scott's the one character who's getting to be angry about Xavier for more than one issue. I can buy Storm caring more about her sense of justice than continuing to call Xavier out for past misdeeds, but it's still a missed opportunity. Hank got a bit, but he's mostly disconnected from anything Xavier's done recently. Warren's a missed opportunity who didn't get to interact with Xavier at all.

I might be completely wrong, of course. Maybe the Adjectiveless part does end here, in which case, I've got some hope for something satisfying either with Sage or with Kitty/Bobby/Emma in Exceptional. We'll see, I guess!

(Edited to add: I definitely agree that the women are the much more interesting aspects of X-Factor. But I did think that Alex, at this point, had some interesting potential for growth. (Actually what I'd really hoped was that he and Lorna staged the break up and mutant betrayal - not having forgotten that they're literally wearing cameras, to work against the government. I was so bitterly disappointed to see that no, Alex was just a fucking idiot again.)

X-Factor #8 X-Manhunt highlights

I'm not reviewing any issues of X-Factor ever (unless someone paid me.) It's a weak comic, and not bad good either. However, it follows on directly from X-Men issue #13 (review here) and has moments of interest relating to those characters. X-Manhunt is not meant to be a solveable mystery - it's got late Game of Thrones vibes - putting so much effort into subverting expectations that it forgets to make sense or reward close attention.

So long folks!

The two teams fight, of course, real Looney Tunes shit. The Forget-me-not joke is told again and it's still not funny. They lose Xavier after a minute or two, lol. Poor X-Men spent all this effort being competent, but they stumbled into X-Factor's orbit and become bozos.

Update on Warren! He was in hospital for so long because he was receiving 'upgrades.' Elective procedures. Issue #1 established that he lost his Archangel transformation, though he didn't elaborate on how that happened. This book is cancelled and has other threads to tie up, like 'why is Havok such a loser?' and 'what was the point of this?' so I don't expect much on Warren.

That means Archangel mysteriously disappeared then Warren willingly recreated his worst trauma and the bane of his existence. The upgrade is basically Archangel again plus metal feet and a sword. I'd guess that the next writer to use Warren will ignore this, plus his willing stint in the US military.

After Havok was fired from X-Factor he was moping in his bare apartment, angsting over Lorna. Frenzy came over and recruited him for a Mutant Underground mission. He questioned why they'd trust him after he snitched to the military but went with it anyway. Turns out it was Chuck, who needed allies and went with Frenzy and Havok. Not sure when he had time to do that, but it doesn't matter. 'Twas these two who snatched Chuck.

Havok is being unbearably naive. He's just had his heartbreak and depression manipulated into sheltering the most wanted man in the world. He's really nostalgic because that photo is from the sixties. Not sure if Frenzy is telepathically influenced but she seems really happy to help a dude that joined ORCHIS. Scott knocks her out so I guess we'll never know.

Yeah, Alex. It's Scott.

Scott wants to kill Chuck, maybe? Alex wants to protect Chuck, I guess. I probably wouldn't want to talk to Alex right now either tbh. He asks why Scott is doing this, so I assume they really haven't been talking. The brothers haven't been on page together since Dark Web or thereabouts I think. They were on okay terms then, they'd even just had a good chat.

Err, Scott doesn't answer the question verbally. Surely they're both affected by the woke mind virus here. I could believe everything up to 'why can't you just stay gone?' Alex says mouths some lonely platitudes, which is in character, it's just a drastic escalation in general.

I found it annoying in Raid on Graymalkin that all interpersonal communication has a question mark over it due to psychic influence. It's just as irksome here because I'd like to know their actual feelings. The woke mind virus means it can't be trusted and is kinda pointless. No, it's worse than that - it's ambiguous without hope of clarity.

Even the story doesn't care, as Scott abruptly stops fighting to talk to Chuck. He asks him why, but don't get excited for an answer to that.

Chuck has a fucking Krakoan egg. The last one, apparently. Why here and now? IDK. Chuck says Hope a lot which feels like a red herring.

Sadly, there's no time for any kind of resolution or answers. Chuck has an appointment derailing the next issue of X-Force and the most narratively satisfying way to get there is *checks notes* to have a rando appear out of thin air and teleport Chuck away. Oh, okay. See ya buddy!

They don't take the egg, though it's pretty useless without Cerebro. The X-Men's role in X-Manhunt is over, but at least they have an unknown mindless body to deal with. If we're using Krakoan lore for how they work then that person should be dead. Drowned long ago. Let's double check. Goldballs creates the egg, Proteus makes it viable, someone (usually Hope) injects the DNA, Elixir brings them to life, Tempus ages them to adulthood/desired age. All this is done at the same time - when it's finished they're alive but blank. Requiring Oxygen etc. Last step is using Cerebro to put their memories/personality in, but that can be done before or after they hatch.

Maybe Chuck did his bit before he got snatched and they'll hatch shortly. If not, they'll die very soon. Some mutants don't need Oxygen etc, but they're rare. Like I said, this is not meant to be solvable through clues. One would assume it's related to the Xandra mission, but who knows? My guess is a much younger Xavier who dies immediately lol. Then they have a corpse and some fresh trauma, though no answers. I wonder what Frenzy is doing. Are the two teams still fighting?

For a relaunch that's determined to distance itself from Krakoa as egg is a weird choice. Cool, I guess? What do you think?

[dennydraws]

What do you mean it's mid February!?

Anyone else feel like time is kinda speed racing? :D;; only me?? Work has been a landslide, holiday event after holiday event which made me overdo my regular coffee intake and now I suffer the consequences of wrecked sleep, migraines and back pain and my friends will probably put me in time out box after reading this... u_u;; I always stress eat/drink during work's more intense periods... and by drink I mean coffee - alcohol is not something I'm fond of anymore.

It feels like a pattern of, work gets busy, I stress, I can't manage with my own personal project, I try to unwind with shows/games then feel guilty stressed I didn't work on said projects and aaaa...

Now that work is calming down, I'm trying to get back into healthier habits and reducing the coffees to 1-2 during the day instead of having the coffee machine injected into my veins through the weekdays lol;;;

I feel iffy I've fallen off with my OCKiss Week challenge, I was excited to do it and my eyes are always super tired once I'm home after work. I hope to get at least 1 drawing done ;u; I was thinking of sketches but maybe just 1 finished piece will be okay. Kisses are still actually kinda hard for me! I end up locked in a loop of adjusting the sketch forever xD;; but that's also fun part of the challenge!

I'm iffy I'm still not done with Sneric Comic chapter 15... I do good progress then something else pops up and I have to do that in the weekend instead. It doesn't help that it's like 9-10 pages and procreate suddenly reminded me I have way too many layers :D;;;; It is a bit too much for a chapter, I admit. My chapters are like 5 pages top and this one is twice the size. I did recently do an overlook of what's left to illustrate, there is still some big story points to hit... so much about "short comic" ...u_u;;;

Admittedly when I started this, supposedly short story, I didn't think it will go for over a year. I did learn some things though! Like, I miss when I draw pages traditionally and I should never underestimate the importance of pre-planning and thumbnailing xD;; I should've learned by now but nope... I thought I could yolo it cause I wasn't super serious with this comic and went off with purely vibes.

Other than that... I'm at the final post end game content in Rune Factory 4! It was a ton of fun :D I loved the characters so much! I am floored at the amount of dialogue and attention to detail. This game spoiled me greatly... u_u;; I don't know if I can finish the Rune Prana dungeon by the end of the month but I will try (Suikoden Remaster is coming in March aaa)!! My Frey got to marry Arthur and I was not prepared for the amount of feels his events brought me. This poor, poor man needs to be pampered and loved. I hope I can squeeze some fan art sometime soon... T^T;;;

Other than that, I'm eating well with Severance season 2!! Oh gosh, this show is an absolute delight to watch... visually and mentally. I'm kinda glad there is one episode every friday otherwise I'd have binged everything and this show feels like it needs a slower consumption. xD It's nice to see a show where the little "whatfuckary" is actually well thought out and intentional.... unlike this other show -side glance at From- .... at least this is the impression I'm getting so far! :D Anyhowsies! This was my quick life update... and I need to scoot back to work now! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoy the chocolates for St Valentine, spend some time with loved ones or give yourself some much deserved quality time! :>

Thank you for stopping by, dear reader!

[addressing-creeperchild]

I'm speaking out not because I think I have anything extra to add onto the Evidence, but because I'd Like to help confirm it.

Please keep in mind this was a year ago, so somethings might be slightly off.

So, one of My first interactions I had with Freddy, was when I joined the server. I joined it right around the start of it's formation, maybe like two days after. I was new to the Fandom, and Freddy was one of the first people I interacted with.

I can't remember how it started, but I'm pretty sure that I was the first one in the server, publicly (could be wrong, but idk), who was shown spicy (not downright Nsfw) images. But where it had come from with me, is I had made a joke about me not simping for anyone, and Freddy had teased me about it.

First I believe it was actually in the role play areas, where Freddy did one scene where he was playing as Shamura, and was flirting with my CoTL Sona, which I thought was all good fun.

Then it progressed to the buffmura images, which I didn't mind originally, in fact, I liked the images, and the art. I got flustered with the images and teasing and I enjoyed it, granted, it started out way less spicy, and originally it didn't include my Sona expressly in it. I still, had figured that it was just harmless fun, after all, me and my irl friends poke fun at each other, and sometimes make innapropriet jokes.

But then the images started getting spicier, and they sometimes included my sona, which back then, I still hadn't realized it was a bad thing.

And then the Soft-Nsfw event happened. And the teasing stopped, he even got annoyed at me if I made a joke about it, and I remember feeling guilty and wondering if I had done something wrong to make it stop. Because Freddy was an Idol, I looked up to him and thought of him as a friend, so I was actually sad when it stopped.

In the server, I never gave my specific age, (Always giving an age range of 3 years) but I expressly let them know that I was a Minor, so that nothing inappropriate would happen, because I knew that the internet was a Dangerous place.

Another thing I should have realized, was that I never gave my Sona a specific age. It didn't feel quite right, because I liked to be able to play whatever role was required in the role play with it. It may have been assumed to be 18, but I had never said anything about it, or even shipped my Sona with a character, except for some slight things like Simping for Shamura, because that's what I did.

Another incident that happened, was when I was using Freddy's Shamura bot, and I was either messaging it to them, or we were in a voice call, but we talked and laughed about how it was breaking the filter.

Admittedly, Even up to a few days ago, I never realized that this might be inappropriate behavior, I had heard rumor that Freddy had grooming allegations, but I didn't believe them at first because of how Freddy had said in the server, that the Suggestive images were getting out of hand, and that he didn't want to have the server be an unsafe space for Minors, which furthered my thought that there wasn't anything inapropriate with those incidents.

But when I heard my friends tell me themselves, and when I saw the evidence I realized that it wasn't okay, and I figured that I should talk about it. Specifically because of the fact I didn't have any clue that it wasn't appropriate.

I unfortunately can't supply screenshots because I had an account change and he never messaged me on my new one, as well as me Not having access to the Discord.

But there were some images that I don't think were shared in the Discord, because they were drawn on Gartic Phone. So I just wanted to put that out there as well.

He only got mad because Sarai caught him. We are so sorry you had't realized, even expressing you were a minor was not enough to keep him from discussing NSFW topics with you.

[bootleg-parable]

Guilty Tango ; A Parable Progression

It was another Tuesday.

Somehow, this book had yet to grow old, and here User sat, reading it for the seventh time since his arrival to the office. Something about the writing always reeled him in. Something about the atmosphere, the characters, the irony. It was a good book to get lost in. With ease, it always took his mind off of everything else when he needed it, and it kept him from constantly bothering–

“User?”

. . .Teller.

Two hands settled gently upon User’s shoulders and spun him 180 to be facing away from the desk at which he was sitting. User closed the book and rested it in his lap as he looked up to meet an expecting smile. He stared into the glowing opacity of Teller’s glasses as blankly as he could manage. He often wondered what the older man’s eyes looked like beneath the shining glass shields, but alas, there was no way around them, and User wasn’t one to pry.

“Did you need something?” He asked quietly, and briefly he turned his chair’s swivel to put the book on the desk. He had the feeling he’d be leaving it soon.

Teller took hold of User’s arms. “I am officially–” He paused to hoist the other to his feet. User did not protest. “Off the clock.”

“And only one hour later than yesterday. You must be so proud."

“Ahem. I. . .I apologise. Sometimes things get a little too busy around here.”

And yet User has never seen another person in this office building aside from Teller and-

...

He didn’t want to think about it.

“I’m here, now.” Teller’s glove brushing up against the unwrapped side of User’s face made him bristle. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

User squinted. “I was kidding, Teller.” He swatted the eldest’s hand away. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“The way that you looked at me said otherwise.”

User’s facial expressions didn’t typically change. He didn’t think it had then, either. But perhaps Teller saw something that User didn't feel or care enough to realise. Even so, nothing came to mind, and he knew that Teller was insistent, almost to a charmingly annoying degree.

He only shrugged. Teller frowned with nothing more to say, and User, admittedly, was growing cold under that empty stare of his. Another reason why he wished that Teller would take those glasses off at least once. It was uncanny to look at his face and see nothing but two strips of beaming white glass where eyes should be. Glasses didn’t come like that. . .But he supposed he wouldn’t really know. He couldn’t remember anything before the office, and any memory that sprung to life in his mind always died and vanished soon after. Nothing was left for him. Not while he was here.

Is this even the real world? Surely it couldn't be. Not if Teller was capable of "respawning" in every instance after death. But maybe all of these people weren't actually Teller. Perhaps it was a title. Perhaps User never met the man he thinks he has.

In his spiral of thought, User didn’t even notice that Teller had gotten alarmingly close to him, with a grasp on his arms again, and was humming a tune to the both of them as he swayed in place. User stumbled, startled, and once his mind kicked back into functionality, it only got worse. Teller was trying to dance with him. User didn’t fancy the idea all too much.

“No–” He stuttered, leaning back to put distance between them. His voice got closer and closer to a whisper the more that he spoke. “Teller, I can’t– I don’t know how to dance.”

Teller only grinned. “How painfully stereotypical of you.”

User had seen this before. Every reset followed the same set of events, no matter how much time it took to reach certain ones. They couldn’t do this. User was trying to stop the loop, not entertain it. Oh, but how was he going to explain this to Teller without just hurting his feelings? Or without spilling the truth of this reality to him? Was there any way around this without looking like the bad guy? Maybe that’s something he’d just have to live with.

“Shit.”

He was so bad at it, too. You’d think with how many times he’d repeated this exact moment that he might’ve been better at dancing. But he kept tripping up. He stepped on Teller more than once now, but as always, the other’s patience was endless. Maybe User could just step away. Maybe Teller wouldn’t be bothered.

But what if he would?

“Sorry–”

He stepped on his friend again. Damn it, why couldn't he get this down?

“You are a terrible dancer, dear boy.” Teller insulted, but he laughed, and in that, User knew he was only teasing.

He tried to hide his embarrassed smile in Teller’s coat. He didn’t need to be seen grinning like that. He didn’t want to get close to this version of this man. It would make his death a lot easier to take if User couldn’t prevent it- to know that they were never as close as his previous selves were.

Hm.

Teller was so warm. It never occurred to User that he’s never actually hugged Teller until it was too late. Every embrace was never returned. Instead he always spent his final moments in a loop hanging on to something dead. Someone dead. This might not have been a hug, per say, but it was a welcome change of pace. To be this close to Teller while he was still alive.

While he was. . .

“Let go.” He pulled himself free. Teller might have blinked with surprise, but User couldn’t tell. He tried to think of something to cover up his abruptness. “I told you, I can’t dance.”

“I can tell,” Teller shot back. User couldn’t read it as playful or not anymore. That made him ache. “I stopped counting your fumbles after the tenth one, snrk–”

Teller didn’t usually take things personally.

That was a relief, and User sighed to acknowledge that. Teller rubbed the other’s shoulder.

“Oh, I’m only poking fun at you, User.” He reassured, having taken the sigh as despondency. “You were doing fine.”

User gave him a look. There were far more troubling things to get twisted up about. Teller’s silly little insult was far from being one of them. And speaking of which, he had plans to write out. He couldn’t stand around humouring this game anymore. Lucky for him, Teller picked up on User’s wanting to be left alone.

“If you need me, simply shout for me,” He announced his departure as he started off down the hall. “I will be in the library, reorganising.”

User nodded once and watched him disappear around a corner. He didn’t like being alone very much, even less so knowing that Teller was alone. Anything could happen. He didn’t know if that damned 8-Ball would wait for everything to play out as it typically did. Maybe it had fun watching User scramble around for solutions with the time provided. Maybe it would catch him off guard and take Teller away from him while he wasn’t looking. There wouldn't be any light steps taken about this subject. Even if the end never truly was the end, User didn't want it to happen.

There were so many ways that this could all go wrong.

There were so many loops that all came to the same conclusion, no matter how hard he tried.

There were so many memories that only he retained and couldn't share.

User didn’t like being alone very much. . .

. . . There was a sound from the library. A loud, devastating sound. Something in User’s stomach dropped, and before he could even process the situation or his feelings, he was already mindlessly running down the hall. His heart was racing.

He was right.

The worst had come ages before the suspected deadline.

Teller.

[storyunrelated]

Space Bastard - Deep Dark Secret

As it just-so happened to have been in the area, the OMS Space Bastard had been called upon to act in a diplomatic capacity vis a prospective species wanting to join the Commonwealth. This sort of thing happened from time to time, both the desire to join and the Space Bastard being the one to field the desire. Both these sorts of things happened from time to time.

Space was a big place, a lot of things happened a lot. And from time to time.

What this meant in a practical sense was fairly straightforward, the practise was practised. Senior crew were expected to hobnob and go on guided tours that showed off all that was great and good about the civilization and why they deserved to be part of the club and senior crew was expected to go ‘Gosh’ and ‘Wow’ and ‘Fancy that’ and, barring something horrendous, membership would progress a little further along. 

Straightforward. Simple.

The particular planet in question this time was Glarbnarb Five, the fifth planet of the Glarbnarb System (the clue was in the name). The Glarbnarb civilization was a pretty good representation of the sort of applicant the Commonwealth commonly fielded.

Advanced enough to have got on top of most of their obvious social problems - illness and poverty and all that to an apparent minimum, etcetera - technological enough to have extended their influence throughout their local system, and now eager to step out into the wider world of the galaxy. We’d all been there.

(The Glarbnarb people (aka Glarbnarbians aka Glarbs aka Glarbajons) were, for the benefit of those interested, a squirrely sort, the tallest of them reaching perhaps the chest of an average human being (whatever one of those is in these futuristic times), possessed of bushy tails, long fingers and two noses. None of this matters overmuch, what with the profusion and variety of life in the galaxy, but someone always wants to know what things look like, so there you go. You’re welcome, someone.)

All of which was why Captain Ipsum was at that moment shifting in his dress uniform, standing around holding a glass of something presumably expensive and luxurious and keeping a casual eye on the other members of the bridge crew as they did similarly in other parts of the crowded, chattering room. Captain Ipsum was not entirely comfortable with hobnobbing, but it was part of his job and so there wasn’t much he could do about it.

He held up the glass and peered at the bubbly, golden liquid. Expensive and luxurious were unusual concepts for someone born and bred in the heart of the Commonwealth. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of them, as concepts. They had a novelty, to be certain, but he couldn’t honestly say whether it was the positive kind or not. By their very nature they implied scarcity and exclusion, without which they simply wouldn’t be. He took a sip, but did so in the knowledge that some other Glarbnarbian somewhere likely couldn’t have afforded to do the same. 

Did taste nice though. Sort of the point.

One of his hosts appeared at his elbow, bearing a tray.

“Flavoured gel-cube?” They asked, proffering said tray. On the tray were gel-cubes, presumably flavoured somehow. They wobbled enticingly. Captain Ipsum plucked up the wobbliest, feeling this was the best move.

“Don’t mind if I do. What flavour are these ones?” He asked.

“Gel flavoured.”

Into his mouth went the gel-cube, melting immediately on Captain Ipsum’s tongue. He endured the ramifications of this and then took a moment to collect his feelings on the event.

“Ah, yes. Now you say it it’s obvious. You can really taste the gel,” he said.

“It’s vivid,” his host said, nodding in agreement.

Trying new things was one of the benefits of getting to interact with new life and new civilizations, and was always interesting. Sometimes not very good, admittedly, but always interesting, which was the more important thing. Boredom was the doorway to complacency, and complacency was the end of all good things. Or so ran the line, at least. In practical terms it was generally just a good thing to find new stuff. It kept you occupied and out of mischief.

Mostly out of mischief.

A side door caught Captain Ipsum’s attention. It was so powerfully innocuous and low-key compared to everything else that he couldn’t help but notice it. Somewhere where everything was gussied up to the nines to look impressive sort of made the one unimpressive thing stick out a bit. He paused and pointed.

“What’s through there?” He asked.

His host, having come from a society that had never invented pointing at things, took a second to interpret this bizarre alien gesture. Only a second though, as it was pretty simple. Then they saw what Captain Ipsum was directing their attention towards.

“Oh, just some infrastructure, boring stuff,” they said.

“My science officer is a fan of infrastructure,” said Captain Ipsum, nodding over his host’s shoulder.

“We love it,” said Doctor Tarft, who was who Captain Ipsum had been nodding at. Not two seconds previously they had been wandering past only to divert on having heard infrastructure being mentioned, and being a lover of it. They were always alert to the mention of infrastructure, lest they miss discussion of it.

The host plainly hadn’t expected this development. They changed tack:

“Oh, well, it’s dangerous, I’m afraid.”

“My tactical officer is a fan of danger,” said Captain Ipsum, gesturing to the side where now stood his tactical officer having clanked in apparently from thin air at the mere mention of danger.

“I love it,” said Mr Krug.

How he’d appeared apparently out of thin air was something of an open question given Mr Krug’s enormous bulk and heft, but that was what had happened. The host was momentarily stunned (the sudden appearance of Mr Krug often had that effect on people) and so Captain Ipsum took the chance to continue:

“And he’s also more than capable of protecting my science officer from the danger.”

“Everyone wins,” said Doctor Tarft.

The host could see there wasn’t any way of getting out of this, or at least not any immediately diplomatic way.

“Very well, if you insist. If you’d like to follow me?” The host said, indicating and then leading the way, somehow attracting a small following of other, lesser hosts alongside their guests. Perhaps the other hosts assumed that since the guests were going this way it was important they did as well. Who could say?

Through the door the group went, and then down some stairs the group went. Things stopped being opulent very quickly and started being hard and industrial and infrastructural, much to the delight of Doctor Tarft. Pipes and ducts and all sorts were in evidence, which was great if you were into that sort of thing (if you were Doctor Tarft, for example) but were not perhaps compelling if you were not into that sort of thing. If you were, say, into danger you might have found it quite unedifying.

“This is quite unedifying,” said Mr Krug. “I was told there would be danger.”

“We may have simply yet to reach the danger,” Captain Ipsum said, levelly. Mr Krug just harrumphed.

And then they rounded a corner and found a sight that stopped the guests in their tracks, even as the hosts blithely continued. It was only when they noticed the guests were no longer accompanying them that they stopped, turned, and went back to see what had stopped them.

What had stopped them was this: a softplay of nightmares. 

That is to say, what they’d initially (confusedly) taken as some sort of child’s play area incongruously placed in the bowels of the building’s service area but which was, on closer inspection, very much not. Colourful and padded though it might have been, the children packing the thing most certainly did not look as though they were having a good time. Instead, they appeared to be getting flattened and pressed by rollers as they were passed relentlessly alongside some garish conveyor belt, dumped down chutes, pressed again, and then rolled and tumbled along the way to some sort of squeezing apparatus. The whole affair was behind what was plainly rather thick, soundproofed transparent aluminium.

Looking at it, none of the guests could quite work out what it was they were looking at, or why it might exist, or whether or not they were simply imagining it. Stranger things had happened. One of them was apparently happening right in front of them.

“Is everything alright?” The primary host asked, sidling in.

“Presumably there’s a compelling reason for this?” Captain Ipsum asked, pointing. The host followed the line of his point - to make sure they were talking about the same thing, operating under the assumption that there was nothing obvious present to talk about - and saw the silently wailing children.

“They’re orphans,” said his host.

A sucking void in the conversation followed for a few seconds, as both sides were not operating on the same level and so saw this response as, by turns, wholly adequate and wholly inadequate. Captain Ipsum eventually realised this was what was happening and cleared his throat and said:

“That is what I might term a non-sequitur, at least from where I’m standing. It does not answer my question. Maybe you think it does, but I am not you. Is this normally what you do with orphans on this planet?”

The host looked aghast.

“My, no!”

“Okay then, that’s something. We can build on that. So what is happening to these orphans and why?” Captain Ipsum asked.

“We’re milking them for their sorrow,” the host said, in the tones of one having been asked a very obvious question and wondering what the trick is. Captain Ipsum nodded briefly, then shook his head.

“I’m sorry, I feel I must have misheard you. It sounded as though you said you were milking them for their sorrow,” he said.

“No no, that’s what I said, that’s what we do. We’re milking them for their sorrow. It’s very important.”

“Is it now?”

“Foundational to our civilization, completely vital. Everything else is built on it. The lights are kept on by orphan sorrow. Orphan sorrow is the lifeblood of our society. Everything else comes after the orphan sorrow, flows from it. Without orphan sorrow we wouldn’t have, well, anything. Society would collapse overnight.”

“I see.”

“The extraction process is highly efficient, if that’s what you’re worried about. We don’t waste a drop! And they’re very well prepared for it, too. They’re shown sad films, played sad music, reminded that they’re orphans every so often just in case they forgot - that sort of thing. It increases the yield. Of sadness. So we can milk more of it from them. More sorrow is better. We want these orphans as sad as possible.”

Captain Ipsum was rubbing his face.

“That would make sense, yes. In this situation. In this context. In very few others but here, yes. Here it makes perfect sense,” he stopped rubbing his face and took a deep, steadying breath before continuing: “I do feel I should ask - well, there are a few things I feel I should ask, but we have to take things one step at a time - so I must ask how it is you come by these orphans? Are they plucked from the orphanages by lottery or do you, ah, create orphans?”

He’d tried to put this delicately but really there was no delicate way of putting this. Given what he’d seen and what he’d been told, he felt he couldn’t take anything for granted at this point.

“We don’t make the orphans ourselves! We’re not barbarians. We use naturally-occuring orphans,” the host said, appalled at the very suggestion.

“Particularly those from the camps,” said another of the hosts, feeling this was the moment to butt in for whatever reason. Captain Ipsum raised a tactical eyebrow and glanced at this backup host before returning his attention to the main host.

“Camps?” He asked.

“The camps for the citizens who ask too many questions. Or who look a bit funny. Odd noses, some of them, really quite uncomfortable to look at. The camps are quite something, too: huge, huge camps. Just massive. We put them underground so we don’t have to look at them. What with their odd noses and odd opinions,” said the host, face wrinkling in mild and restrained disgust.

This putting underground would explain why such huge, huge camps hadn’t shown up on the cursory scans the Space Bastard had run on arrival in orbit. Normally those sorts of things leap out at you, sometimes without even having to scan, but being put underground hides a multitude of sins. Deeper scans of the kind that might have discovered these camps would have been rude, given the circumstances, though now, in hindsight, they might have been a good idea.

Captain Ipsum realised he’d started rubbing his face again and stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You should probably stop talking,” he said.

Really, they never should have started, but it was too late for that.

“Is something wrong?” The host asked, perplexed.

“A little bit, yes. Hiding this sort of thing is going to harm your chances of joining the Commonwealth,” said Captain Ipsum, gesturing to the children and the milking machinery and just generally the whole place and also, in a way, to the intangible concept of needing to milk children for sorrow in the first place. The Captain could incorporate a lot into a gesture. It was why he was good captain material.

The host bristled, as did the backup host nearby.

“We weren’t hiding it! We just didn’t think it was worth mentioning! It’s mundane, routine, ordinary, boring! This is so normal for us it never crossed our minds to bring it up!” They said.

“Well, that you were doing it at all is also something of an issue,” said Ipsum.

“Why?”

A pause, as Captain Ipsum wondered how best to convey the obvious.

“Because it’s awful.”

“Bah! That’s culturally subjective!” The host scoffed.

This was not the first time Captain Ipsum had heard this argument, and he had a strong feeling it wouldn’t be the last. It had never done much to move him. He shrugged.

“That’s debatable. Importantly for you, however, you are attempting to join an entity that, culturally speaking, frowns on this sort of thing. So it’s relevant. And, frankly, it really is awful however you want to slice it. If you’ve spent years and years as a society teaching yourself to eat shit and like it - so to speak - you shouldn’t be surprised if everyone else thinks you’ve done something ludicrous. Frankly.”

“You could be more frank, Captain,” said Doctor Tarft.

“I could but I am choosing not to. This is a diplomatic mission and so I am choosing to be diplomatic.”

“I could be more frank,” said Mr Krug with an obvious level of expectant relish.

“Not yet, Mr Krug, things continue to be diplomatic. For now.”

“You cannot simply barge in here and start telling us what we as a people can and cannot do!” Said the host, bristling now having given way to full-blown outrage. Behind them, the backup host nodded in (outraged) agreement. Captain Ipsum shrugged.

“In fairness you invited us. To the planet, I mean, we did sort of barge down here. But that’s by-the-by. I’ll admit that it’s often a tricky subject, but in this instance I would hazard a guess that the majority of other cultures you might encounter would probably consider this an aspect of your society that is best consigned to history, there to be regarded with a certain sense of shame and embarrassment. Just because you do something and have done something for a while doesn’t mean it is a good thing or is something you should continue to do. Mistakes also start,” he said.

“If anything you should be thankful that the hurdle your society has to overcome is so blatantly obvious and ridiculous. A lot of places have it a lot more complicated,” interjected Doctor Tarft, and Captain Ipsum wholeheartedly agreed, inside and out.

“Quite so, Doctor Tarft, quite so, it can get quite horrendously complex sometimes. Interwoven societal and economic interests, entrenched hegemony, hard-set ways of thinking - exhausting, I can tell you. By contrast this is refreshingly straightforward. You just need to stop milking orphans for their sorrow, which can’t be that hard. Most people we’ve met never even started doing that, so there’s precedent for life without it.,” he said.

Leaving aside the issue of the hidden camps for the time being. One thing at a time.

“But how will we power our Sorrow Engines?!” The host asked, flabbergasted, shocked, and scandalised. The other hosts looked much the same, to a range of greater or lesser degrees as suited them personally.

There was a noticeable pause. Even the hosts noticed it.

“Your what?” Captain Ipsum asked.

“The Sorrow Engines! The engines that run on the orphan sorrow and power our cities?” The host asked, gesturing to the lights as though Captain Ipsum might have forgotten the part about sorrow keeping the lights on. He hadn’t, he just hadn’t assumed it was literal. It was literal.

“And occasionally run on a whole orphan if it’s judged appropriate to do so?” A backup host added, to nods from the primary host. Looking between the two of them, Captain Ipsum could see no hint that this was all some extended joke leading towards some hilarious punchline. They both had every appearance of being completely serious.

“Have you ever considered, well, literally anything else?” He asked.

“Like what! What else could there possibly be?” The host scoffed (with backup scoff from the backup hosts).

Again, Captain Ipsum had to fight the rising impression that this had to be a joke. He looked to his officers, looking to see if maybe they’d spotted some clue or hint he’d missed that this was all one big joke. They looked just as baffled as he felt, with Doctor Tarft shrugging and Mr Krug giving him the quizzical look that Captain Ipsum knew was the wordless way of asking whether it was time for diplomacy to cease and missiles to start.

He gently shook his head at this security officer and returned his attention to his hosts, backup and primary.

“Oh, I don’t know, solar power? Windmills? Hooking up a bicycle to some sort of big battery and peddling very hard? Or - and here’s an idea, since we came here in a spaceship - how about shunt-fusion? You know? What just about every other spacefaring civilization you might encounter uses? The cheap and easy way everyone produces more than enough power for all of our wonderful things? Because it’s the future? And we can do that? And energy isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be? Because it is - again - the future?”

The host was pouting.

“You don’t have to be so patronising,” they said.

“I don’t know, it felt necessary. And I really must ask - why is this here?” Ipsum asked, spreading his arms to indicate the softplay-stroke-sorrow-extraction-engine. Orphans continued to pass through it as they had continued to pass through it the whole length of the conversation. They continued to look unhappy.

“I told you, we need the extracted sorrow to function as a society,” the host said, sourly.

“No, I got that part. I meant why is it here. As in, underneath this building which appears to have been built solely to host lavish diplomatic functions?” Captain Ipsum asked. This had been bothering him more and more the longer they’d been talking and he simply couldn’t contain himself anymore. It seemed to him rather like putting an antimatter production facility underneath a legislative assembly. It made no obvious sense.

From the look on the face of the hosts, this was an issue that had occurred to them, too.

“We didn’t think it’d be a problem…” One of them mumbled from the back.

“Right. Well. I think we’ll be heading back to the ship now. I’ll have you forward a list of suggestions to improve your odds of admittance on your next attempt. I can tell you this from the outset: lose the camps, stop milking orphans. Best of luck.”

At which point, with the tap of a badge, the guests all translocated back to the Space Bastard, leaving behind them stunned silence. The hosts looked at one another, stunned, silent. The primary host glared at the space the captain had been standing in mere moments before, then turned their glare to the orphan apparatus.

“I don’t get what the problem is! We’ve always done this!” They groused.

[pagepainter]

Living with Intention

2024 was hell, but it had also taught me a lot, and even this description alone is barely doing justice for what I’m going to elaborate later on. Nevertheless, above everything else, I am grateful for the people I’ve met along the way, and especially those who continuously show up and stayed, even though I don't deserve that. I’m deeply grateful for the kindness, the gentleness, the patience, and consistent presence of the people who were there for me at my highest highs, and lowest lows, even though I don’t reach out. The occasional check-ins and impromptu meet ups really helped me feel like I wasn’t alone in the dark. I don’t think I would be able to pull through this year without them. I wish I could do more for these people whom I care so much about, but I also realize that it’s usually the smallest things that mean the most. It doesn’t have to be something eventful, like going out to have a meal with them; sometimes all it takes is sitting with them, soaking in that moment of shared silence, as if to say I’m here; you’re safe here. Although nothing is spoken, it’s a language that most of us are fluent in.

Yet, silence has definitely been a double-edged sword for me this year. Spending the vast majority of my time alone when I’m at my lowest, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I discovered many parts of myself I didn’t know I had, or thought that I had overcome them. It’s through these experiences that made me sit with my feelings and get to the root of the problem, and how I can better show up for myself and especially for others. The values that I hold close to — consistency, communication, honesty, having a feeling of security, safety, trust — it’s one thing to say that these values matter most and I take them seriously, but it’s also another to show them. I’ve been shown time and time again that effort makes all the difference. Actions are indicators of intention and purpose. They hold an immense amount of weight. As damaged as I am, I had to unlearn many misconceptions and relearn the whole process with a new mindset and concept. It doesn’t just end there; applying what I’ve learned is the most important part. It’s like learning how to make a dish with a new, effective, and less taxing method, and learning how to perfect it with practice.

While the external circumstances can’t change much, I can change how I react, how I behave, and what comes out from my mouth. While it stirs a lot of conflict, I can see the improvements, no matter how small, in shaping my identity and my worth. Some days feels like war — having to pull myself away from the toxic environment and separate myself from these influences that are normalized in the culture of Singapore. It’s days like these that make me feel like I don’t belong on this small island. Admittedly, most days feel like this. My friends aren’t perfect, but I still really appreciate them for helping me through those moments, in the little ways. I’m still finding a home, but it’s just a matter of time. I think what's most important is to learn how to be comfortable with making a home within myself.

Honestly, the past couple of days had me spiralling into the darkest parts of myself and realizing and learning so much about myself. It's been so bad because I was just so lost; I didn't know who I am. Stripping everyone's expectations of me, I want to know who I really am. Although I have not figured everything out, I discover that my identity lies in the values I hold close to my heart — honesty, appreciation, empathy, communication, personal accountability and responsibility. I've learned and still am trying to perfect regulating my emotions, but I'm getting there. I know I'm progressing, and I'm glad for the small steps of improvement. I believe that the most important lesson for me is to do things with empathy and intention. It's pretty self-explanatory, but the actions are so much more than just words. It's all down to the small details that make up the big picture of unconditional love. It's time to own my identity and live it out for myself, so that the ripple effects can spread.

[darthkvznblogs]

Sorry you got that rude of an ask from the other anon. I wish folks would understand that it takes time and effort to create. You don't owe us any explanation for your writing process/progress and already do more than enough by answering questions here.

Ah, it's alright. I can understand the impulse, to be honest - it sucks, reading a story you're enjoying and realizing it's been months or years since its last update. I've certainly been there before. I'm sure it'll happen again (though, admittedly, I'm not the kind of person to comment "UPDATE" or "ded fic" when I hit that point, lol)

I'm glad most folks are understanding, at any rate. Just wish I could convey to the people that aren't that, as frustrated and impatient as they feel, I promise it's twice as frustrating for me to go so long without updating. There's dozens of events that are quite a ways further down the Kverse's timeline that I genuinely can't wait to write, but (as much as I love writing the Vantage one-shots), the series can't be all highlights in an anthology. If I am to someday pull off those big bang moments, I need to build everything up as evenly as I can.

There's always been periods where the right words don't come to me as easily as usual - typically, it's just a few days or a couple weeks, but sometimes it's months, and all I can do then is jot a few lines that I'll probably rewrite the next day, or finally write down some of my many headcanons into the half-dozen categorized google docs I have for that specific purpose.

Anyway, like I've said before, no matter how long it takes, I have no intention of dropping the series until I consider it completed. I certainly understand that waiting what's likely to be more than a handful of years for the finish line to even be a thing we can discuss isn't a commitment most readers can (or would want to) make. But y'know, barring some unforeseen catastrophe, I'll still be here five years from now, chugging along.

[self-loving-vampire]

Yeah I 100% agree re: having so many things to do/not enough time to do them.

I already look at this like

Welp, at least I'll literally never run out of things to do

but also my second biggest fear (after ceasing to exist) is that I'll invest too much time/energy into something, anything, only for it to not pan out, because the sense that my existence is finite hangs over my head like the Sword of Damocles.

It's bad enough that this already happened once with grad school, and even regular college to a certain extent. Any uncertainty makes me wary of long-term commitment because any time spent suffering for a goal I don't end up achieving is too long when I could have been doing something more valuable.

There are so many things I want to do, and half of them aren't even new things. There are certain games I could play forever, and I'll never get tired of iterative drafting character models, or working on the board/card game I've been designing for the past 20 years.

And you're right, on top of everything I know I like, stuff keeps coming out so fast that I'm already way behind on so much, and it takes me so long to do anything, and I hate having to choose between enjoying the things I know I like but that take time to enjoy and trying to keep up. Especially when so many things are "live" events, because what really translates to is pressure to prioritize things that are "limited time only", or else be unable to enjoy them because I'm too fixated on something else.

Sometimes I'm too unfocused to do much of anything at all. I don't draw nearly as often as I used to, and I hate it. I feel like the only way I ever make progress on something is when I hyperfixate on it, but I have so many things I'm interested in that I can't prioritize anything if it means sacrificing something else like some people seem to be able to do, and more often than not I just feel too guilty about wanting to do one thing while feeling like doing something else that I can't effectively do either.

Sometimes I wish I could just stop time and think, without feeling the pressure to act before I run out of time. But really I wish time didn't exist. That I didn't have to worry about decision making or regret because eventually I could get around to everything. Because as it stands it will never be enough.

In terms of people, I'd honestly be happy to never meet a new person again, which is admittedly paradoxical, because I only "met" you (read: found your blog) recently, and you're such a source of hope that things can work out for someone like me that it's proof positive there are new people out there I could benefit from meeting.

But honestly I could spend forever with just my best friend (and a head full of semi-autonomous sub-personas, although I don't consider myself plural either), because everyone else in my life either seemingly values me less than I value them, or doesn't understand me well enough.

I don't know if I'll ever get to know you well enough to be considered your friend, but just knowing you exist makes me feel less alone, and I hope we both get to live together with the people we love.

Yeah, it would be much more relaxing if you could afford to waste a lot more time pursuing interests that you might get burned on and just go on with your life as if there wasn't much of a cost to doing that. Having a radically longer lifespan could help with that.

But even without that, I think it's important to try to enjoy the present as much as you can. There's definitely times in your life where you may feel like you're just enduring in hopes that the future will be better (and a lot of the time it is), but it's still worth trying.

I actually feel a lot like how you describe regarding meeting people, by the way. I remember when I was young I felt like "loneliness" was not really something I experienced and I typically preferred to spend time alone with the computer or books even when I had the opportunity to interact with people I got along with.

It took me a bit to really open up to my first real friend group (which master was a part of) too, and even though I felt as if I didn't need to interact with people to maintain my emotional state they still did help motivate me to leave and survive even though I used to be pretty hopeless about that kind of thing.

But it wasn't really that I needed "people" in general, but rather that those specific individuals were kind and supportive in ways I was not expecting. I would have been indifferent to most others, and even expected that those who were physically around me at the time were not safe to be honest with. They never really knew me as a result.

Even then, those friends were online. Even after making them I spent years not really bothering to meet people in person (and I still don't make any effort to do that).

That said, I'm getting attached to people I only recently met once again and feel like it's helping my already-good mood.

I don't know if maybe I'm just somewhere on the kuudere spectrum about this kind of thing.

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Avengers Ladies x Reader : What’re the Chances

Summary: The biggest accident turns into a night of unspeakable actions.

Warning: 18+ Implied Smut, Nudity, Language, Suggested Polyamory 

Request: Yes / No 

Word Count: 2,124

* * * * * * 

It’s dead silent.

Not a single sound comes from anywhere, even as you move about in the kitchen. You’re trying your best not to make a sound so that you don’t wake up the women asleep in your living room.

This very moment offers you time to fight your headache with coffee and process what the hell happened yesterday.

Steve and Tony had returned to the compound with a canister filled with some weird looking substance. The instant you saw the purple mist with spores floating through it you were intrigued. The scientist in you begged to test, study, and analyze it to find out exactly what it was.

It actually didn’t take much for them to turn it over to you, it is your job as the team’s scientist to deal with these things. So, while you locked yourself up in your lab, the guys of the team went out in search of the HYDRA scientist that created the substance.

Things had started off fine, you were well on your way to uncovering what the weird mist was and its effects. However, as you were releasing it into a larger containment unit, Carol, Natasha, and Wanda had taken it upon themselves to barge into your lab.

Carol and Wanda were bickering, Natasha chastising them, and all their loud voices had startled you when they came into the lab without warning.

Only you had caught your slip up. You literally slipped up, the canister detaching from the seal and allowing some of the mist to spill into the atmosphere before you could reattach it. 

Wide eyed, you watched each woman, as well as yourself, breathe in the seemingly harmless air, When asked why you looked so worried you brushed it off and got back to researching. 

In a way you were curious to see how the air affected you all, analyzing all of your behavior might give some clues as to what the substance does. And boy did you figure it out quickly.

Aside from the substance itself, the atmosphere shifted.

Their bickering stopped moments after they entered the lab, replaced by incredibly flirty words and sultry gazes. That was all it was in the beginning, until Carol ran a hand across Wanda’s shoulders and the back of her neck.

The blonde’s touches fanned the sparks into flames.

In the blink of an eye they were kissing, hands roaming to places that you were sure they hadn’t been before. Both women had been caught up in each other and you were worriedly intrigued, so lost in thought that you hadn’t noticed the redhead who snuck up behind you. 

Suggestive words slipped from her mouth like silk into your ear, accompanied by her hands wrapping around your waist and resting low on your belly, mere inches from slipping into the waist of your pants.

While you had been able to not react to the substance in your body, her gentle touch and whispered words seemed to bring the effects to the surface. A shiver raked up your spine, manifesting itself into a feeling that shot to your belly.

It was an incredibly familiar feeling that, due to the substance, you freely fell into.

Everything from that moment on was sexually charged. Hands roamed skin, moans and sighs filled the air, orgasms cursed through your bodies like lightning striking through the sky.

Clothes had been scattered about the lab but you all ended up in the living room of your private floor in the building.

You all fell asleep in each other’s arms, bodies covered in marks, completely blissed out arguably overly blissed.

When you woke up, your hand was cupping the breast of an all too familiar redhead, and the thigh of an equally familiar blonde was pressed up against your core that seemed to throb whenever she moved.

Last night sprung into your mind and you shot up, hand ripping away from Natasha’s body like she was fire. Apparently they were wiped out, admittedly you weren’t sure how you were awake either but that was the least of your worries.

After having scurried off to your room to shower and pull on clothes, you brought out a change of clothes for each of them and went straight to the lab. It didn’t take long, applying what you know, to confirm your suspicions. 

One hour testing it, told you what you needed to know and from the lab you went to the kitchen, where you still are.

Your coffee is gone, headache slowly subsiding, and based off the sounds in the living room, the girls are awake.

Taking a deep breath, you slowly make your way into the room. The confused looks on their faces turn to realization as they look at one another, and then all three sets of eyes are on you.

“Um,” you swallowed, clearing your throat,“ morning, I-I made coffee.” You stumbled over your words, not liking the feel of their eyes on you like that and trying not to look at them too long.

The image of their bodies will forever be ingrained in your mind. How you would manage to shake the feeling of their hands and mouths on you, you aren’t sure.

“Thank you.” Wanda mutters softly and all you can do is nod.

“I brought you all something to wear, what with your clothes being in the lab.” You suggest, glancing up only to catch Natasha’s blanket slipping from her upper body.

E/c eyes widen at the sight of her perky breasts and pert nipples, the memory of your hands on them playing in your head. A glance up shows her green eyes trailing your body and heat spreads over every part of you.

“I’ll give you a moment to change, feel free to use the bathrooms or my room or whatever.” With a nod to yourself more than them, you nearly scurry back into the kitchen.

Part of you, the cautiously curious scientist part, can’t believe you managed to infect yourself and your friends with sex pollen. While another part of you, the madly attracted to each of those beautiful women part, is beyond pleased with last night's events. 

The instant you know they can’t see you anymore, your face is buried in your hands.“ I have to tell them.” A groan falls from your lips, muffled by your hands.“ They’re gonna kill me.”

Using the last moments of your life, you fix them each a cup of coffee to their liking, maybe that’ll soften the blows. 

“We all had sex last night.”

You damn near spill every drop of coffee in your hands at the words bluntly spoken by Carol when you step back into the living room.

It’s clear, when Natasha and Wanda don’t react how you did, that this conversation was already in progress when you came in. So you try not to lose it, instead taking a deep breath, and walking over to hand them their coffee. 

The blankets are folded and sitting by the hallway entrance, all of them completely dressed now. You ignore the slight disappointed feeling you get and sit on the far end of the couch Wanda is on. When they all start to try and make sense of this you figure it’s time to say something.

“It was my fault, I did it.” You blurt out, eyes squeezed shut which makes you miss the soft smiles on each of their faces.

Natasha sighs,“ Y/n we can agree that you’re charming but if I recall correctly, we all did it.” She says, making you open your eyes.

“Yeah L/n, I most certainly did not go down on myself like that.” Carol smirks.

Wanda’s eyes widen along with yours.“ Don’t be so crude Carol.”

Shaking your head, you run a hand down your face,“ okay that’s not what meant, to clarify, I mean,” you push off to stand in front of all of them,“ the substance I was testing is a sex pollen. When you all came into the lab it scared me and some may have gotten in the air and infected us.”

“What?!” They each exclaim. 

Carol pushes herself up off the couch and glares at you. Wanda stares at you in shock. And Natasha raises a further curious eyebrow. 

The glaring blonde steps closer,“ what did you make us do?”

Your eyes widen, hands held up as if to calm her,“ I didn’t make us do anything. Sex pollen is complicated. This particular one enhanced the libido and lowered our inhibitions. But nothing was forced.”

“I don’t completely follow.” Wanda says.

Breathing in deeply, you exhale slowly,“ um, some sex pollens cause the infected to act without a single thought, cause their focus to only be on their sex drive, which could lead to them doing things they wished they hadn’t. This one though, as mentioned, just lowers the inhibition. Our brain's way of restraining us from doing certain things, sometimes things we want to do.”

“We did what we wanted to do, without second guessing it as we might have in the past.” Natasha says, eyes looking dead into yours. 

Hearing the words spoken makes a million and one thoughts surge through your mind and for that moment you recall last night, not the way their skin felt under your fingertips or how they tasted on your tongue, you recall the thoughts you were having.

There was this feeling of, finally, that coursed through you. Finally, you were able to kiss them. Finally you were able to hold them. Finally you could act on the thoughts you’d forced yourself to ignore. 

In Natasha’s eyes, you swear you see that same thing. 

Looking away, you say,“ I know none of us were expecting last night to happen and had I been more careful it wouldn’t have but we can’t exactly change it. A-and I mean, it helped me figure out what that stuff was.” You try to see the brighter side. 

“So, do we pretend this never happened?” Wanda asks. All of your eyes move to look at her at the faint sound of disappointment. 

Did she not want to? 

Carol quirks a brow,“ don’t sound so down sunshine.” She sends a wink to the younger woman, then crossing her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts up in the tank top you’d given her.“ I can’t say I’m inclined to pretend.” The look she gives you let’s you know she caught you staring at her chest.

“Admittedly I had fun last night for a multitude of reasons and I’m not anxious to forget about it.” Natasha says, sharing a look with Carol before they both glance at you and Wanda.

Wanda opens her mouth to speak, only to bite her lip in thought. Those soft light green eyes look into yours, seemingly searching for an answer.

You shrug,“ I’m a terrible actress so pretending is out for me and if there’s a chance for a repeat of last night, maybe after a date or two, I’d be cool with that.” 

“Asking us out already L/n.” Carol teases and you chuckle. 

“What’re people going to say? What’ll the team say?” 

Wanda’s concerned questions grab all of your attention and you sit yourself down beside her this time. 

For the first time since last night you touch her. This time not it’s not driven by lust, instead by what could become love. Your palm lays on her knee, fingers on the side of it. 

“Nothing needs to be said about anything. We don’t even know what this is or what it could be-” you start and Natasha finishes for you,“ so there’s no reason to worry ourselves over this.”

Carol sits on Wanda’s other side and copies your action of placing her hand on the brunette’s knee.“ We’ll handle whatever anyone has to say when the time comes.”

The youngest of you looks around into each of your eyes, softening with each glance. You pull a small smile and that makes a bright one burst across her face. 

Your moment, that started last night, is interrupted. 

“Great you’re up, get anything on that substance?” Steve comes in, halting in his steps to take in each of you.“ Am I interrupting something.”

One look at Carol let’s you know that she was about to say yes but refrains from doing so. 

Chuckling, you squeeze Wanda’s knee and stand,“ yeah I got all the results in my lab Cap.” You wave for him to follow you, not missing Natasha’s last words.

“You wouldn’t believe what it took to get them.” 

With a smirk you glance back at her and she winks. 

You never thought you’d ever say it but, thank the gods for sex pollen.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @owloftheshadows

[starlight-loki]

Headcanon of the day: Loki x Mystic!Reader

This sort of acts as context for a fic I have coming out in the next day or two. I thought I'd release this first as a kind of shittily-written backstory for it, so that the relationship dynamics make sense :) Enjoy!

UPDATE: the fic is all done! you can read it here

(this is quite long and the Keep Reading option won't work, dammit. my apologies 😅)

You know something's wrong as soon as Stephen bursts into your room, a troubled look in his eyes

"They're here."

Stephen had been talking about this for a while -- it was just a matter of time before Thor and Loki arrived in New York looking for their father

He told you from the start that they were going to need help; your help

At first you protested because you were still in the midst of learning everything there was to know about the mystic arts.

you weren't a beginner by any means, but you definitely didn't feel you were at a level where you could just... fight the goddess of death

Now, you realized as Stephen rushed out of your room as quickly as he came, you were out of time to prepare: you had to use what you knew and hope it was enough

You stepped down the stairs into the main entrance of the Sanctum just as Stephen brought Loki back from the void with a thud

"Right, I'm sending Y/N with you. The two of you are going to need help with this whole... situation."

"We don't need help, especially not from a mortal, you second-rate-"

Stephen sends all three of you through a portal before Loki can even finish pulling out his knives

at first, you really can't stand either of them

Thor is... too much muscle, not enough brain

while Loki on the other hand is half part brain, half part whining weasel

You honestly feel like you got stuck babysitting the two of them, and there's a part of you that hopes this mission Stephen sent you on won't be so bad after all

Of course, everything sort of went to shit when you found yourself on Sakaar

You were the first to arrive, and were admittedly terrified when you came face to face with the Grandmaster

you had powers and were strong enough to defend yourself, sure, but this seemed like a whole other ball of wax entirely

You chucked a few illusions here, as well as a couple fancy tricks you learned from Stephen there, and soon enough you became the Grandmaster's... magic show.

It was disappointing really, to know that your powers were being used to amaze three headed ogres and other folks who looked like they walked straight out of the Capitol from The Hunger Games, but at least you weren't fighting in the arena

or worse... dead.

to your surprise, Loki showed up a week later -- escorted to your room by none other than the Grandmaster himself

"Y/N, I've got another wizard for you!"

(you swear you can see Loki's jaw clench at the Grandmaster's term, and it takes all you can not to laugh)

"He can do illusions too. Maybe you two can, y'know, think up a big show for us tonight."

Loki's surprised to see you (and also relieved to see a familiar face, finally), but he quickly disguises his relief as disgust before you can think anything more of it

"I'm not sharing my bed." You say tightly, and Loki shoots you a glare before settling down on the couch in the corner of the room

At first, the two of you barely talk to each other despite sharing a room

You really just throw some illusions together during your show, and then head back to the room to sulk in silence

It honestly starts to feel like you're living the same day over and over, that is until you wake up to the sound of screaming

You rush over to Loki, to find he was having a violent nightmare

When he finally wakes up, terror in his eyes and not fully registering his surroundings, you place a hand over his forehead gently

You remembered an incantation you read once while at the Sanctum, one that could calm even the most restless mind, and you mumbled the words to the best of your ability

To your relief, Loki's breathing slowed as the last of his nightmare faded away

"You okay?"

You don't know why, but you find yourself reaching to hold Loki's hand in both of your own

His fear, his memories... you could almost feel them physically reverberate in you

maybe your initial conceptions about Loki were wrong, after all. Maybe he wasn't nearly as bad as you thought

you go out of your way to try and be a little nicer to him, sneaking in drinks and other treats you managed to grab on your way out of the Grandmaster's parties for him to try

sometimes, the two of you would even stay up until the early hours of morning, sharing stories and laughing together and actually feeling happy

for a garbage planet, maybe things weren't quite so bad.

until the night you had a nightmare. you could've sworn it was real, the way everyone in your dream seemed to dissolve into ash right in front of your eyes

you didn't realize you were crying out in your sleep until Loki woke you up, the entire situation reminiscent of when you first caught him having a nightmare of his own

you see the worry in his eyes, and you can't stop yourself from crying as the events from your dream played through your mind

"It's alright. It's not real. You're safe, Y/N. You're safe."

Loki repeats those words quietly like a lullaby until your breathing calms, and you grab his wrist before he can retreat back over to the couch

"Please stay."

the two of you don't realize just how touchstarved you are until you're both lying together, holding each other as if the world were about to end

(i'm getting Pompeii-esque visuals, am i crying??? maybe)

as your relationship progresses into purgatory-type territory -- somewhere between friendship and romance -- you realize the connection between the two of you grows stronger

specifically, the telepathic connection

before you know it, you can hear Loki's thoughts, and he can hear yours

you suspect it has something to do with the incantation you used to heal him after his nightmare

(you never did read the warnings on that one. oops.)

after a while, the two of you managed to control your telepathic abilities, to the point where you didn't hear the other's each and every thought

there was only a soft buzzing noise in the background of your mind, as if Loki's energy was gently reminding you he was there

Loki found your thoughts incredibly irritating at first

especially how you never seemed to shut up when you were nervous

there was a certain comfort in knowing you were only a thought away, though. especially when the day finally comes when you have to battle Hela

there's a moment when you're convinced Loki had died -- when he ran back into the palace to summon Surtur -- and your breath stops all together in your throat

for a few seconds, you couldn't hear his thoughts anymore. the constant white noise in the back of your mind was gone

when it suddenly resumes out of nowhere as you flew away from the remains of Asgard with Thor and everyone else, you couldn't help but make a run for Loki

you found him in one of the sleeping quarters on the ship, and before you could think twice, you kissed him. hard.

"You idiot! You could've died!"

You can't stop the tears of relief and the smile that lights up your face as you take him in

"I didn't die, however. I'm still here."

All you can do is laugh, and to your utmost delight, Loki pulls you in for another kiss

except this time, you freeze.

"Do you have the Tesseract?"

the way Loki's hands tense around your waist tells you everything

"...why would you think that?"

"I'm a mystic, you idiot! I practically pick up on energy for a living!"

Realizing he really can't hide anything from you, Loki materializes the Tesseract and holds it out to you carefully

"What were you hoping to achieve with this?" You ask, your voice nothing more than a horrified whisper

the lost look in his eyes tells you everything: he wasn't really sure, himself.

you conjure a portal and send the Tesseract far, far away from the two of you, and you can almost see the relief visibly fill Loki's eyes as that temptation disappeared

You realized as you landed back on Earth that the two of you were finally safe. You were home, and you had Loki now, too.

Things were going to be okay.

Until of course, the day your visions started.

[turtlethon]

Season Four Wrap-Up

Above: the Turtles as they appeared in the new title sequence introduced during season four.

With Turtlethon entries for all of TMNT ‘87’s fourth season now up, I thought it might be worth taking a few moments to reflect. I didn’t do recaps for seasons one or two as they’re much shorter and largely speak for themselves. For season three the recap amounted to little more than a Twitter thread. This project has grown a lot since then, however, and it feels fitting now to have a more permanent place for my info-dumping within the confines of the blog itself.

GENERAL MUSINGS

If seasons one and two of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles introduced and then expanded the world of the Turtles, and season three represented the point where they truly reached the big time, then season four felt more like a victory lap. Heading into this stretch of episodes, TMNT could legitimately claim to be the biggest animated show on television, its cultural impact probably about equal to the ascendant Simpsons for at least a few more months.

Above: Bebop and Rocksteady returned to their human forms - or at least appeared to - in season four’s syndicated premiere, “Plan Six From Outer Space.”

Season four’s syndicated run kicked off in September 1990 with “Plan Six from Outer Space”, which paired a strong script from David Wise with underwhelming animation. Things didn’t get better from there, as a stretch followed of some of the worst episodes of the show thus far. It got so bad that at one point I was beginning to question my commitment to this project. Mercifully some strong episodes animated by the South Korean studios were sprinkled throughout and saved the first portion of the season from becoming a complete disaster.

Above: Michaelangelo fights with a grappling hook in “Peking Turtle”, with suspiciously empty fists in “Shredder’s Mom”, then goes back to the nunchucks in “Raphael Knocks ‘Em Dead”.

From this point on we began to see the remaining rough edges of the Turtles being filed down, as the producers started responding to the negative attention from parental groups and pundits now that the show had exploded in popularity. Many of you will be aware that Michaelangelo began using a grappling hook instead of nunchucks, following the removal of scenes where the chained weapons were used in the Hero Turtles versions of seasons two and three. (Licensed TMHT products that incorporated US-derived Turtles art would often be altered too, sometimes leaving Mikey with balled-up fists, other times giving him swords or sais instead.) What surprised me was that after the grappling hook was established as Michaelangelo’s new weapon, the nunchucks continued to see use on and off throughout much of the rest of the season in the Korea-originated episodes. So, what was going on here?

My guess is that the inconsistency with Michaelangelo’s weapons hints at the troubled history of this season, and goes some way towards explaining the mixed-up order in which events take place. Given their higher production values and likely longer turnaround times, the episodes animated in Korea were probably in development first – hence they still incorporated the nunchucks – and took longer to finish. It’s also not a stretch to imagine that they were put together with significantly less direct oversight from the producers than the Dublin shows. After all, those were made in a studio directly set up by Murakami Wolf Swenson. This would explain why the syndicated run was loaded with MW Dublin episodes: faster turnaround times would lead to them being ready for broadast first. Just speculation, admittedly.

As the season progressed, it became clear that episodes were airing in an order different to what the writers originally intended, jettisoning any attempts at ongoing continuity. The character of Donald J. Lofty was referenced in three different adventures, acknowledging his prior history with the Turtles in his first appearance, as it was meant to air later in the season once the other episodes featuring him had been broadcast. The Technodrome was seen jammed in a bed of lava with no explanation as to why; it was only later that we saw the reason it ended up in this even worse predicament.

Above: Fenton Q. Hackenbrush (left) and his boss, Donald J. Lofty (right)

The thirteen episodes produced this year for syndication almost felt like a false start: it was once we got to the episodes produced for airing each Saturday morning on CBS that the show found its footing once more and production values improved. During this stretch the show settled into a consistent groove, with each week presenting a double bill usually consisting of one David Wise-penned episode (typically revolving around Shredder) and an adventure by other writers that showcased a different villain.

Among the seemingly endless parade of new allies and foes that appeared in the show this year, only a few will pop up again in season five and beyond. Interestingly, while previous seasons went out of their way to incorporate new figures and vehicles from the Playmates toy line, there was very little of that in season four, with the exception of Slash. A few characters and concepts introduced this year, like Mona Lisa, Rhino-Man and Mighty Hog, will wind up retroactively receiving figures in some form down the road. In the meantime, several of the new arrivals for 1990’s toy assortments will belatedly appear in season five.

Above: The Turtles have a lot to say to Bebop and Rocksteady regarding their new superhero personas in “Rhino-Man”.

One notable action figure introduced in 1990 who won’t be appearing in the original TMNT cartoon in any capacity is Fugitoid. By this point tensions between Eastman & Laird’s camp and Fred Wolf’s team over who was responsible for the success of the Turtles were escalating, so it’s understandable that the original creators would have gone out of their way to ensure their other characters weren’t used. This disagreement about ownership and the creative direction of TMNT began to directly affect the TV show in some remarkable ways this year, inadvertently leading to the creation of fan favourite Mona Lisa, but also to the weird Ray Fillet substitute and creative dead end that was “Ray”.

Above: Vernon signs an autograph for an adoring fan during his brief, inexplicable rise to fame in “The Dimension X Story”.

I almost feel like you could skip this season and not miss a whole lot. Did much of anything happen that amounted to any real character growth? Irma gained and lost a boyfriend for a couple of episodes, then got a promotion. Likewise, Vernon briefly got promoted over April, but now seems to be back where he was. Baxter returned, now aligned with “Z”. Rat King’s flute was destroyed, but he gained a new friend in Leatherhead. Through all of this, the core cast – the Turtles, Splinter, April, Shredder, Krang, Bebop and Rocksteady – are still more or less in the same place they were at the end of season three. No-one's ready to meddle with a willing formula, at least not yet. Maybe the closest thing to an ongoing storyline concerning the Turtles was the recurring theme of Donatello struggling to get his dimensional portal working, but as the episodes featuring it also aired out of sequence, this lost much of its potential impact.

MY FAVOURITE EPISODE

Above: The Turtles reluctantly break up in “Splinter Vanishes”.

This was a tough choice because even the syndicated run included a few strong episodes, while the CBS portion of season four was full of classics and memorable stories. A recurring theme I noticed among the adventures I enjoyed most from this stretch of the show involved the Turtles travelling to Dimension X and infiltrating the Technodrome: “Shredder’s Mom”, “The Dimension X Story”, “Planet of the Turtles” and “Poor Little Rich Turtle” all incorporated this trope. “Son of Return of the Fly II”, the debut Saturday morning episode, was also a total barn-burner.

I really thought one of the above episodes would be my pick, but there’s another that I’m putting above even these: Francis Moss and Ted Pedersen’s “Splinter Vanishes” absolutely knocked it out of the park, exploring life for the Turtles after they stopped being the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, at least for a little while. The tropes of both breaking up the band and putting it back together were both handled exceptionally well. I never would have thought I’d pick a non-Shredder episode as my best of the year – and honestly, one of the flaws of this story was that no-one at any point even acknowledged during the team’s breakup that Shreds was still around – but neither this nor Splinter’s questionable behaviour were enough to greatly diminish my enjoyment. A few weeks on from watching it, I still think this is a Top 5 all-time TMNT ‘87 episode, and all the ones I mentioned above are at least in the mix for the Top 10.

MY LEAST-FAVOURITE EPISODE

Above: The animation masterclass that was “Michelangelo Toys Around”.

Not many contenders for this in the CBS run, but there were plenty in the syndication stretch. “Turtles of the Jungle”, “Peking Turtle” and “Four Turtles and a Baby” were all low points but the absolute stinker of season four for me was “Michelangelo Toys Around”, a hideous-looking outing with a nothing villain in Wilburr Weazell. Incredibly, the same credited writers for “Splinter Vanishes” were also responsible for this one, which I guess just goes to show that anyone can drop the ball or just as easily knock it out of the park.

THIS YEAR’S WINNERS

Above, from top: Raph hits the stage to become a stand-up comedian in “Raphael Knocks ‘Em Dead”; Mikey encounters a real-life superhero in “Michelangelo Meets Bugman”; Donnie briefly goes undercover as a waiter in “Donatello’s Degree”; Leo becomes an avid gamer in “Leonardo Versus Tempestra”.

It might sound odd to say, but no-one benefitted from season four more than the Turtles themselves, not as a group but as individuals. Seasons one through three were mostly content to handle the green teens as a group, all with their own quirks but largely inseparable and moving in lock-step. With the team now household names, there seems to have been a conscious decision by the producers this year to encourage writers to come up with solo adventures for the Turtles, placing them in conflict with new villains. Though the influx of debuting bad guys has been largely underwhelming, Mikey, Donnie, Leo and Raph have all had opportunities to shine throughout 1990’s episodes, coming out of season four more well-rounded and likable than they were going in.

THIS YEAR’S LOSERS

Above: Krang in “Bebop and Rocksteady Conquer the Universe”, one of his better season four appearances.

I mentioned a few times through this year’s run that Irma – who initially was kept distant from the Turtles and increased in prominence through season three as she befriended them – seemed to get demoted back to being only an occasional player in season four. She did have a few good showings in the later stretch of 1990’s episodes, in particular being paired with Donnie in “Donatello’s Degree”, and her storyline promotion to stage manager suggests she’ll remain in the mix in the future.

No, the true biggest loser from the regular cast members this year is Krang. While seasons one and two established him as a big deal and a genuine threat, it was season three where he became a great comedic foil for Shredder, while occasionally travelling up from the Earth’s core to do battle with the Turtles himself. With the Technodrome now back in Dimension X, Krang’s role this year was reduced almost entirely to telling Shredder what gadget to steal and controlling the portal to Earth. A few great comedic moments sprinkled throughout the season weren’t enough to make up for the fact that his role in the show at this point has diminished, particularly now that a wider range of villains are being used.

YOUR FAVOURITES

Above, from top: Mikey and Raph in “What’s Michelangelo Good For?”, the most popular season four Turtlethon entry; Raph and Mona Lisa during an anxious moment in “Raphael Meets His Match”.

One of the things I’ve learned as Turtlethon has progressed is that my idea of what makes a good Turtles episode doesn’t always line up with what you as readers enjoy. I was a big advocate for “The Dimension X Story” and hoped my enthusiasm for it would be shared with all of you, but that one didn’t move the needle at all. Conversely, writing about “What’s Michelangelo Good For?” felt like work for me and I didn’t expect it to get any kind of a response, only for it to go on and become by far the most popular episode I’ve covered from this or any season. A lot of you really like Mikey, and possibly also Dr. Goodfellow and Pete.

Other times... you just know. The second most popular entry was for “Raphael Meets His Match”. I always expected this one to do well given that it incorporates one of the show’s most popular ships in Raph/Mona Lisa. It was a lot of fun to write about this one and explore the convoluted development of Mona, one of the show’s most intriguing guest characters.

WHAT’S NEXT?

Above: Cover art for the forthcoming first issue of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Saturday Morning Adventures”.

I’m going to take a short break before we head into season five to cover some one-off TMNT related media that I’ve wanted to write about but haven’t gotten around to. On my to-do list are the first two live-action movies, the recent video game “Shredder’s Revenge”, and a couple of other one-off cartoons which tie back to the Turtles in different ways. I doubt I’ll get around to covering all of these during the seasonal gap, but whatever doesn’t get handled now will stay in the potential mix for down the road. (I’m also open to suggestions if there’s something in particular connected to the Turtles that you’d like to see me needlessly over-analyse.)

I joked last year that 2021 was my “second summer of Turtlemania”, bringing back the spirit of 1990. This was quickly followed by the autumn, winter and spring of Turtlemania. If anything, though, 2022 has felt like the year that the wider world has rediscovered the heroes in a half-shell again. Between the aforementioned Shredder’s Revenge, the Rise of the TMNT movie, and the upcoming Cowabunga Collection, there’s a lot going on. Less talked about but of great interest to me is the imminent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Saturday Morning Adventures comic series from IDW, which will serve as a continuation of the 1987 cartoon continuity. The first issue is due at the end of September, so expect to see some coverage of that here as we head into autumn.

On we go, to the mercifully much shorter season five!

[dahlia-coccinea]

What’s your opinion on the main characters in WH (like one for Nelly, one for Catherine etc)? Do you have a favourite and a least favourite?

There are a lot of main characters...I guess Nelly Dean, Heathcliff, Catherine Earnshaw, Cathy Linton, Hareton Earnshaw, and Linton Heathcliff? I feel bad cutting out Edgar and Isabella, they are important characters but I could easily write a thesis on each character and I don’t want to make this unbearably long (you’re going to regret asking me this as it is lol).

Nelly - She is not the “sensible soul” that she esteems herself to be. Compared to other characters she may seem discerning, but that’s partially because she’s just a witness to events that more deeply affect other characters. She can be very biased towards and against certain people, and her opinions tend to be fairly rigid. Her actions and convictions seem more an unconscious exhibition of societal norms of the time and her station in life; rather than her objective rational thinking. She certainly isn't immune to common superstition and small-mindedness. That being said, she is not the villain of the novel as critic James Hafley argued. She certainly isn’t heartless and cruel and she is motivated to do what she believes is the right thing to do. Overall I like her character.

Heathcliff - It's a testament to the complexity of his character that there is such a wide range of narratives on him…some I admittedly don’t understand. While a powerful force in the novel, I think he shows himself to be very human and fallible, and not the “ghoul” or “vampire” he is sometimes accused of being. It makes me laugh how many times I’ve seen critics say he is the human embodiment of the Heights but the first meeting of him it's literally said that he is a “singular contrast to his abode”? It’s also strange that his physical nature is often questioned by critics that reduce him to an elemental symbol, yet I would think Catherine is a better candidate to say she is more symbolic since we first encounter her in a dream and she is merely a memory/ghost in half the novel. Not to mention that throughout her life she displays a fixation on the spiritual and divine (not that I think she is symbolic either). I think he’s meant to be read as a human, not a devil or a symbol, and it makes it more interesting to read him as such. He can be sarcastic and witty and also utterly devoid of humor. His pain and loss is tragic yet his anger and hatred is fearsome. He plans to enact revenge over decades and (kind of) succeeds yet he also is so short-sighted and often misjudges characters and situations. He’s a villain and a victim and never plays either part in exactly the way you’d expect. Despite all this, he never feels inconsistent or out of character. 

Catherine - I’m such a broken record on her lol. We get a lot of negative opinions about her from Nelly but everyone else loves her? So I think it’s worth questioning what Nelly says about her. I don’t agree with popular narratives that exaggerate how terrible she is. She is certainly proud, quick-tempered, and her strong, unrelenting nature is unique for any character and even more so for a woman. These traits also make her Heathcliff’s natural counterpart, although she is never cruel in the way he can be, and she doesn’t seem to enjoy that side of his character either. I think audiences/readers often forget the better parts of her character, such as her love for her father regardless of his constant admonishments, her love of Heathcliff despite his harshness and his wrongdoings, and her brother Hindley in spite of all his cruelty. The tragedies of the novel are not her fault as it has sometimes been suggested. 

Hareton - It is interesting his character probably has the most physical descriptions and I’d say is the most flatteringly portrayed male character. Yes, he starts off being described as brutish by Lockwood, but we later get many moments showing he also has a gentleness. His faults are normally immediately shown as not wholly his doing and I’d say he has the most character growth, even more than Cathy. Cathy’s appearance gets a lot of mentions too, but because Lockwood is kind of a romantic and in a faraway, lonely place, it makes sense that he projects a lot of romantic notions on her. We don’t need to know that Hareton is good-looking but it’s certainly made known lol. I think it’s in part because Cathy’s and Hareton’s good nature are meant to be shown as desirable and Nelly certainly makes an aesthetic connection there in her descriptions of them. I really like his character, and how despite everything, and his initial pride, he tries repeatedly to help Cathy, even though it does nothing in gaining her good opinion and only puts him at odds with Heathcliff, who he sees as a father. He also shows that you don’t have to be the product of your upbringing.

Cathy - I really like how she tries to do the right thing and is good, yet doesn’t allow anyone (even Heathcliff) control her. She has faults but she’s able to grow from them. She also has a lot of similarities to her mother. For both Cathy and Hareton, I really dislike the idea that their move to Thrushcross is the symbolic win of culture over nature. That’s never made any sense to me and makes even less sense when you consider that Emily preferred nature, and the freedom and spirituality she found there, and not riches and formality. And after all, Cathy and Hareton are the successors of Catherine and Heathcliff. I can’t imagine they will become supremely refined, cultured, and gentle. Everyone forgets they are both wild and proud, and at their worst, they both physically hit the other - Cathy cuts Hareton with her whip, and years later Hareton hits her. This notion of their new domesticity comes from the narrative of the Heights = wildness and Thrushcross = respectability and progress, and I’ve mentioned before this also distorts our image of Isabella and mislabels her as a weak, refined, gentlewoman, even though she shows herself to be highly spirited. Sorry, got a little off-topic at the end there. I think they can forgive and learn to be kind to each other without equating it to them becoming genteel and upper-class. I don’t like that critics do this. 

Linton - I get why he’s no one’s favorite character but I don’t hate him. He is tragic, despite the fact that he also very annoying and bratty lol. I understand why he doesn’t care to better himself, and it seems pretty clear his behavior is a cry for the safety and affection that has been missing in his life since his mother died. He’s a pawn in a game he doesn’t understand, and yet he’s very aware of his role as a pawn and that his life will be short and its meaning and worth are ascribed inasmuch as he can prove useful. It’s understandable that he would cling to Cathy and her kindness to him. Of course, some of his sufferings are his own making. It seems he could less lonely if he was perhaps a little kinder to Hareton who doesn’t seem to have a preconceived dislike of him but is pushed away by Linton’s snobbishness. 

Favorite: That's a really difficult question. The simple answer is I love them all hah! It does change, but I do often go back to Catherine Earnshaw. Charlotte Bronte wrote that there is a “certain strange beauty in her fierceness” and I think that sums it up perfectly. The fact she dies tragically young and the closest we get to her as a narrator is the little bit of her diary Lockwood reads, and that her memory lives on so strongly with Edgar and Heathcliff, all make her a compelling figure. The fact that so many readers hate her also makes me like her more lol. 

Least favorite: Everyone always says Linton and Joseph are the worst so I’ll say Zillah because she doesn’t get picked on enough lol. She literally didn’t realize Nelly was being held hostage and instead believes some bullshit story about her being lost in a marsh and assumes Heathcliff saved her?? She was terrible to Cathy - granted she had been proud and stiff-necked but she was clearly being held against her will? Like is Zillah just not at all aware of her surroundings? She doesn’t get Dr. Kenneth when Linton is dying and instead leaves Cathy alone crying in the stairway, supposedly out of fear of losing her job if she disobeys - yet she didn’t seem worried about that when she puts Lockwood in Catherine’s old bedroom? She also knowingly embarrasses Hareton when he shyly asks her to ask Cathy to read aloud for him - she immediately says that Hareton is the one asking for it. Zillah is just one of those people that has no self-awareness and no consideration for others beyond her self-preservation. So yeah she wins the spot of “least favorite” lol. I’m not sure if you meant my least favorite of the main characters? If so then it would have to be Linton just cause no amount of sympathetic feelings towards him makes him less annoying lol sorry. 

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 29

; Hoseok x Reader

;Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Warnings: Discussions of periods and contraception

; Word Count: 4.6k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: I know it’s taking a long time for me to update this but I hope you enjoy it :D Please reblog if you do and let me know what you think my commenting on this or sending me an ask!

; Flower Masterpost

-

“Hey, meeps,” You hear Hoseok’s voice calling to you from the end of the aisle, his new nickname for you now gaining its own nickname as well. “If sunflower oil is made from sunflowers, and coconut oil is made from coconuts...then baby oil…”

He trails off, raising his eyebrows and giving you a scandalous look as he holds up a bottle of baby oil. For a moment, you just stare at him blankly before sighing and rolling your eyes in amusement. Taking the bottle from him, you place it back down onto the shelf before linking your arm through his.

Thankfully, he lets you direct him back to the little section they have in this makeup and skincare store that’s fully dedicated to Korean beauty. This is one of those strange stores where they have tons of products that are basically on sale yet also have branded stuff alongside it. Not that you cared though; it had the Korean brands you swore by for your skin and you were more than tempted to try out the Japanese beauty stand next to it.

For someone who isn’t particularly bothered about the whole concept of skincare, though you had managed to convince him to at least improve his routine, Hoseok was being a pretty good boyfriend right now. He hadn’t complained about the half an hour you’d spent perusing the makeup to find new stuff to put into your collection and he still wasn’t complaining as you filled your basket with face masks.

If anything, he’d managed to entertain himself quite well. 

But you think he was being good purely because you’d gone with him to a concert last night. It had been for one of his favourite bands, Metallica, and he’d ended up with a spare ticket as Jungkook had ended up ill with food poisoning. He had been about to go on his own, but you hadn’t liked the thought of him being lonely so you’d gone with him.

You’d recognised some of the songs they’d played from whenever Hoseok played them in the car or the house but it hadn’t been your scene. Still, it had been fun enough and you’d more than enjoyed seeing Hoseok happy as he’d rocked out to his beloved band.

It did mean that you were exceptionally tired today though as the two of you hadn’t gotten home from the stadium they’d performed in until after 2 am. That had been the closest performance apparently and you’d been shattered, sleeping until well after 11 am. Hoseok had promised you a day of relaxation, which you’d jumped on by asking him to do a full Korean skincare routine with you tonight.

He’d agreed, and you’d eagerly dragged him out to this store to replenish your supplies. The makeup was just because it was there and you couldn’t resist it. Already you were coming up with ideas for looks in your head that you could create and then put onto your Instagram. Moving places had meant that you hadn’t done many looks lately and you were eager to change that.

Especially now that you had a yard to take nice photos in. Hoseok and you had both been working hard on the weekends and evenings to transform the yard from the overgrown mess it had been into something nice. Nothing too amazing or expensive as it wasn’t your own house but nice enough that it made from some pretty aesthetic photos.

Placing a final bottle of moisturiser in your basket, you smile at Hoseok and hold it up proudly. He just looks at you in amusement for a second before smiling back.

“All done! We can go to pay now.” While you pay for all your new stuff, he goes and waits outside for you. Which you discover means he intently window shops at the video game store, getting that look on his face when he wants to do something.

Feeling that your bladder is a little too full right now, you glance over to where the public restrooms are and move over to Hoseok. “You can go in if you want, I’m going to the restroom so I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He takes your bag for you like the gentleman he is before disappearing inside, immediately making a beeline for the Playstation 4 section. You have a feeling he might be about to drop some money given how interested he’d been in some of the new games that have been released in the last few months.

Any thoughts of games are wiped from your mind very quickly though when you’re on the toilet. The sight of red staining your underwear has your eyes widening in horror as you realise that your period has decided to make an early appearance. For a moment you simply stare, brow creasing before you reach for your bag and grab your phone.

The period app you use says that you shouldn’t have started for another four days and you curse your body for doing whatever it likes. Scowling at the stain, you attempt to clean it before sighing in defeat, acknowledging that at least you were wearing black jeans today.

Another rummage in your bag causes you to find another problem, this one sending ice water running through your veins. Grabbing it and placing it onto your knees, you visually scan through every space and almost pull out the entire contents before letting out a small sound of despair.

You had no tampons.

Cursing to yourself quietly, you finish up and make do with an almost ridiculously large amount of toilet paper. Rushing out, you wash your hands before moving over to the machine that always had condoms, sanitary pads and tampons.

Only to see the ‘sold out’ sign on both the buttons you need. Groaning quietly, you do a little dance of frustration as you realise there are not even any other women in the restroom for you to ask. Not that you would. As if your social anxiety would allow for that!

So instead you have to slink outside and into the game shop, lip jutting out in a slight pout as you become hyper-aware of yourself. Can other people smell the blood? What if you leak through all the toilet paper and it does somehow show through your jeans?! What if you leak through onto a chair!

Hoseok wanted to get something to eat after this and you were dreading having to sit there for ages. Playing with your fingers nervously, you move over to where he’s crouched in front of the PS4 stand. He already has two game cases in his hand and is reading the back of another one, your bag of goodies on the floor between his feet.

Glancing up at you, he grins brightly before showing the cover of one of the cases he’s got.

“Look! The Spider-Man game is on sale! You want to play this, right?” Absentmindedly, you nod. The back of your mind takes in the fact that he’s also got Divinity: Original Sin 2 in his ‘buy’ hand and the other case he’s considering is the Doom remake. You wish that you could let him browse more but the drug store wasn’t close by and you didn’t want to just abandon him suddenly.

Still, the thought of what was going on down below was overwhelming and you found yourself shaking his shoulder slightly.

“Hey, are you done? Can we go?” Reaching down, you take your bag back and stand back as he rises, the crease between his brows letting you know he’s a little confused as to why you’re suddenly rushing him. He knows full well that there’s nothing important you need to do.

Still, though, he doesn’t question it and instead nods slowly. While he goes and pays for the games he’s buying, you go to wait by the entrance. Wrapping your arms around your waist, you realise that the low ache in your back that you’d had for a day or so was one of those early symptoms you got of your period.

Only you hadn’t thought anything about it. Not when you’d spent a few hours last night stood up. You’d just thought it was because you’d done a lot of work in the yard combined with the concert. Apparently not.

You’re pretty much already walking in the direction of the drug store by the time Hoseok comes out, causing him to have to jog to catch up with you. All you can think about is whether or not walking faster or slower would make things worse.

“Woah, hey, where are we going?” Hoseok asks, matching his speed to yours. You’re just thankful that there are not too many people out shopping today because it would only increase your stress levels if there was a big queue that you had to wait in or something.

“Just, to this store.” Admittedly, you’re not being very open and honest right now. But you’re embarrassed. Hoseok is fully aware of your periods and that they’re very much a thing that happens. They’d become a little more irregular recently as you’d had a copper IUD put in around a month before moving in with him.

Nothing drastic or anything, but then again they were also sometimes longer and a little heavier than you were used to when you were on the pill. It wasn’t exactly something you enjoyed talking about with anyone though; Soyeon and Chungha were pretty open about this kind of stuff but you had always mostly stayed quiet whenever they talked about it.

Which was silly. They were women who fully understood what you were going through and Hoseok understood that it was a monthly event. So it wasn’t like he’d be shocked to find out or anything. If anything, you’d probably done a bit of a bad job in explaining some things to him as you’d always got too shy whenever he’d asked things.

That was bad, you were well aware. But you’d only really got comfortable talking about sexual things with him. You knew that there were guys who thought it was gross that women bled for a week or so. Hoseok had never made those kinds of comments, but still. You were a work in progress.

“We’ve already been in here, why are you dragging me like Jason Voorhees is running after us with a knife?” He whines when you enter the store. You’re not surprised he’s confused because he’s right, you had come in here earlier and picked up what you needed. Still, though, he follows close by.

“I thought we didn’t need anything else.” Comes from him next, his lip pouting and you get the sense that he wanted to spend more time in the game store. A rush of guilt and shame washes over you, causing you to grip his hand even tighter as you shuffle awkwardly in place for a moment.

Finally in the store though, you realise just how silly you’re being with him. It’s not like he’s going to get outraged or upset. And you’re sure he’d have been much more willing to come along if he hadn’t been dragged along half the street with no idea what was happening.

Leaning into him, you cough slightly before swallowing as you feel yourself go hot with anxiety.

“My period started.” You whisper, keeping the words quiet enough so that he can hear them without having anyone else overhear. Though the rational part of your mind knew that you shouldn’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thought. It was a natural, bodily function and all that.

Your mind has never quite done things rationally though.

Hoseok has heard you though, you can tell by the way his head tilts to the side ever so slightly. But his expression is blank for a moment before his brow creases in obvious confusion, lips pursing as he contemplates what you’ve just told him.

“Okay...so why are we here?” Annnnd there it is. That famed male obliviousness to female problems. You couldn’t get annoyed at him though, not when he was good with you on everything else. He was cute.

“It’s early? And I have nothing to use. So I need to buy some.” His face changes immediately when he understands finally, mouth curving into an ‘o’ shape as he lets out a noise of recognition. It then contorts into worry for you, his eyes glancing down to your crotch area with wide eyes.

“Wait, so that means you’re...just…” He creates a rushing gesture with his hands, imitating a waterfall as he makes a ‘whoosh’ noise with his mouth. It’s a little too loud for your liking and you hiss at him, poking at his stomach before quickly pulling him over to the menstrual health aisle.

“I’ve used some toilet paper but it probably won’t last. It’s come on pretty hard and fast today. Please don’t laugh.” You beg him and his face sobers immediately, eyes darting over your own as he takes in your distressed appearance. Licking at his lips, he inhales deeply before nodding.

“Okay, you use tampons, right? So like...which ones? You never keep the box.” Automatically he starts to look over all the boxes of tampons; staring at the brands, types and absorption levels like he’s reading signs in Mandarin or something. It makes you want to laugh, despite the situation.

You appreciate his eagerness to help though, even when he points at random boxes with absolutely zero knowledge of what it was.

“What’s the difference in the brands? Is there a difference? Or is it like...when you buy those store brand biscuits and realise they taste the same as the branded biscuits only to find out that they’re made in the same factory and just relabelled?” That makes you snort with amusement, particularly as he’s now holding up a box of Tampax and a store brand to try and see the difference.

He’s not finished yet though, and even though you still feel the urgency to just grab some and run, you can’t help but let him entertain you. Because that’s what he’s doing. You’re not oblivious, you’ve realised over time that if you’re feeling anxious or uncomfortable or shy, Hoseok will often use humour to distract you away from your negativity.

It’s nice, which is why you let him carry on for a minute or so more.

“What are the drops for? And what’s the difference between regular and super? I mean, I think you’re pretty super but is this like...super big or something? Wait, is this plastic?! How does it absorb blood if it’s plastic?” Rolling your eyes at him, you bite your lip to stop the laughter that wants to escape before reaching past him to grab the box you usually buy.

Lifting it, you decide for a quick crash course in tampons. As your boyfriend, you never know when you might need him to run out to the store for some and the last thing you need is him bringing the entirely wrong type back.

“I use Tampax, purely cos it’s just the brand I’ve always used and I’m familiar with it. Super and regular are like the absorption so you’d use a super for the first few days when a period is heaviest. Hence why I’m getting these. The drops are the absorption rating too basically and it’s not plastic, that’s just the applicator that makes it easier to insert.” You say it all pretty quickly, but quietly enough that only he hears. 

Not that there’s any need, the store is loud enough that your conversation can’t be overheard and on top of that, there’s no one in this aisle anyway. But Hoseok nods thoughtfully, scanning the front of the box carefully.

“When we get home, I think I need a crash course in periods because I’m feeling pretty useless and dumb right now.” Laughing, you lean up to kiss his cheek quickly before heading in the direction of the cashiers.

“We can do that for you. It’s better to be educated after all. This is where I find out that you have this bizarre knowledge that is unbelievably wrong and I cringe.” Hoseok doesn’t answer back to that, causing you to look back and chuckle at his meek shrug and wince.

“What can I say? I’ve never had a girlfriend long enough to learn and education in high school was terrible. I’m not even gonna try to defend myself.” Humming lightly, you grin at him as you pay before heading out of the store. Looking in the direction of the toilets, you twist your lips as you consider your options.

“You want to eat at that place, right?” You ask, nodding your head towards the Japanese place that was down the opposite end of the street. Hoseok looks that way and nods, confirming his desire to you. Already you can feel your stomach rumble as you imagine the delicious food.

“Okay, we’ll just go there and I’ll go straight to the restroom in there. Come on.” Reaching you, you take his hand and smile up at him, your walk not so hurried now compared to before. Not that you aren’t completely aware of the fact that you’re free bleeding from your vagina right now, but walking faster might just aggravate it more. 

You had what you needed, so now you could relax a little more.

-

“Why are there so many steps in this? Don’t you get bored?” Hoseok mumbles, his words a little slurred due to the fact you’re rubbing serum into his cheeks. He’s already been here for ages in the bathroom as you’d used a cleanser to clean his face before exfoliating and then using toner on some cotton pads. 

You could tell that he was amused by the whole situation, even though he’d seen you do this many times before. But it was different experiencing it for himself you supposed. Still, he looked so adorable and you cooed to him, squishing his cheeks even more in amusement.

“No. It’s relaxing. You’re supposed to relax.” That makes him scowl, the expression not nearly as intense as he was going for given you’ve got his lips in the cutest pout. Still, you’re finished with that part so you let him go, laughing as he runs his fingers over his skin.

“I’m not relaxed. More...manhandled.” Scoffing, you roll your eyes as you get to work rubbing the serum you need into your skin, focusing on your eyes. The dark circles beneath them were far too...well dark for your liking.

“Okay, how’s your skin lately? Dry? Oily?” Frowning at you, he twists his lips as he considers your question. He’s been taking better care of his skin than he had been before dating you, but you knew that he still didn’t care that much. Surprisingly though, he has an answer for you.

“Dry?” Nodding to yourself, you reach through your box of face masks and pull out a moisturising one. Handing it over to him, you take your own and rip it open, pulling out the mask and carefully putting it on. Hoseok watches you intently before opening up his mask, his face immediately twisting into a cringe.

“Ewwww, oh my god. Why is it so slimy?!” He whines, holding it over the sink like it’s some monster that might kill him. With the mask on your face, you can’t laugh properly like you want to.

“Stop being a baby and put it on.” With a little more whining, he does so, lining it up and putting it onto his face. What follows is then complaints that it’s also cold and feels weird, causing you to roll your eyes at him once more as you help to smooth out any creases in it.

“Right, we’ve got to keep this on for twenty minutes so let’s go watch some Netflix,” Looking over him, you take in how he still manages to look handsome even with a white sheet mask on. “It’s not fair that you always look so good. Honestly.”

Hoseok just shrugs before licking his lips, his reaction immediate as he registers the foul taste. “Oh fuck me, what the fuck. This tastes fucking vile!”

“...you’re not meant to eat it, babe, they don’t make it for the taste.” He washes his hands in the sink to get rid of the remaining residue before following you out to the couch in the living room, Netflix still paused on the large television screen. Kasumi is curled up on her cat tree, fluffy body small as she sleeps quietly.

For around ten minutes, neither of you speak as you continue to watch Warrior Nun. It’s surprisingly got both your attention hooked, so you’re a little surprised when Hoseok suddenly speaks up and distracts you.

“Hey...I know this is a weird time to talk about this but after your whole period thing today it reminded me. So, I’ve been thinking lately. You definitely don’t want kids...right?” He looks at you and you get the impression he would raise his brow if he could. When you nod in response, he blows out a breath slowly.

“Okay...how would you feel if I said I wanted to get a vasectomy? I mean, I know you’ve said you don’t want kids but there’s always a chance that you might and a vasectomy is pretty final. Despite what people say.” Now it’s your for your expression to be mostly hidden by your face mask, your eyes widening until your eyelashes are uncomfortably touching the edges of the holes.

“You want that? I thought guys normally got all weirded out at that prospect. And I don’t want kids, ever. Full stop. Are you sure?” Of all the things you were going to be discussing tonight, you did not expect it to be this. It’s almost amusing that Hoseok has decided right now is the time for something so serious, when you both look so silly.

“I do. I just...I don’t want to risk a pregnancy and I know you’re scared of that too. Also, it’d put less stress on you, I know most birth control is usually aimed at women except for condoms and it’s a lot easier for me to get a vasectomy than for you to get anything done.” That makes you snort in acknowledgement, shifting on the couch until you pull your leg up and wrap your arms around it.

“Yeah, because god forbid a woman not want to fulfil her natural duty and pop out a kid, right?” 

“I’ve been looking into it, I’m pretty sure I could get one. If not, I’ll just talk the doctor’s ear off until they let me. Because it’s gonna happen. It’s way easier and less stressful than anything you have to do.” His dual concern for not wanting to cause an accidental pregnancy that neither of you wanted along with not wanting the burden to fall too heavily on you warms you, causing you to reach out and grasp his hand tightly as you squeeze at it.

“Is it easy? Or quick?” 

“Apparently. Some guys say it doesn’t hurt at all, others said it hurts. But...I’m pretty sure I want it. I just wanted to check with you that you’d be okay with the idea too. As I said, it’s final.” Hoseok smiles at you as best he can, causing you to shuffle a little closer to him. You’d like to rest your head against his shoulder but you’d just get it covered in face mask gunk.

“I mean, it’s your body. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.” Pointing this out to him, you look up and tilt your head, your statement almost a question.

It makes him sigh and focus on your hands, shifting them until he could interlink his fingers with your own. You let him do so, figuring he should probably be taking the lead in this conversation. It is about him after all.

“We’re in a relationship. A serious relationship and this decision would affect both of us. It’s cutting off the chance for biological kids, despite people saying you might be able to reverse it. I feel you should have a say too.” Nodding slowly, you hum lightly as you consider his words carefully.

“Well, if you want it then I’ll support you completely. I never want children so you don’t have to worry about that. It’s your decision, but I just want to make sure you think it over properly and do research, okay? Don’t go rushing into it.” That makes him snort in amusement.

“Meeps, if there’s one thing you should know by now; it’s that men do not take decisions regarding their dick and balls lightly. You can be damn sure I’m going to be 100% in my decision if I’m going to let someone come near my balls with a scalpel or somet.” The way he says this is so matter of fact that you can’t help but laugh, the sound not as big or bright as you’d like it to be given you still had your mask on.

“Man, I can’t believe I’m talking about someone knifing my balls while I’m sitting here looking like a dollar store Michael Myers.” Hoseok points at himself, his bemusement clearly obvious despite his poor Halloween costume and you giggle softly.

Reaching out, you run your fingers through his hair that’s currently being held back by a bandana and smile at him softly. “Come on, let’s go get these off and start looking human again.”

Hoseok follows you immediately, already peeling the face mask off and making casual comments about how the mask isn’t as slimy as it had once been. You take off your own and drop it into the small bin in the bathroom, making sure that he does the same.

“Okay, rub it in and pat it dry. Make sure you get the excess to go on your throat and stuff, it’s good for your skin there too.” Hoseok looks in the mirror, his face shining obscenely from the residue leftover and grimaces.

“Ew, this feels...gross,” One hand presses to his skin, rubbing it in and cringing. “Is this what it feels like when I cum on your face?”

The comment is so random that you pause for a moment, all thoughts disappearing as you comprehend what he’s just said. A glance at him makes you realise he’s being completely serious, his expression focused on rubbing his face as you’d told him. It’s moments like this that make you love him even more, the blasé comments he makes that are so funny and yet also x-rated.

“No...not really. That’s more...well it’s not all over, you know? And it’s thicker than this. And I don’t know why I’m explaining this to you. You know what your cum feels like.” A snort from him gives away his bemusement.

“Yeah, but I’ve never smeared it all over my face before.”

“Maybe you should. Experience it for yourself for once. It’s not all that good for you by the way, despite what people say. It has protein but it’s not enough to make it worthwhile or anything, so don’t think I’m going to be asking you for your special facials anytime soon.” Looking away from him, you grab the next item on your routine before looking at him with a smirk.

“Damn, there goes my plan to be self-sufficient. Could’ve made a whole organic spa thing out of it.” 

[sldsnk]

I'm really enjoying your recent output of BBKaz! I'm also curious- who is your favorite MGS character, and which is your favorite MGS relationship/dynamic?

aw, thank you so much! it's kinda funny, actually—even though bbkaz is by far and large my favorite pairing, big boss is kinda low on the list of my favorite characters. solid has and always will be my favorite, both in terms of snakes and characters as a whole. i always found it kinda unfortunate that kojima's focus seemed to shift more onto developing big boss' story than solid's, since i feel like there could've been a lot more explored in the time between the events of mgs1, 2, and 4.

i think what draws me to solid the most is the progression of his character over the course of the series; how he presents himself as a cold and dispassionate tool of war in 1 (despite little moments of deeper introspection seeping through) and gradually matures into a more open and idealistic individual in later titles. where his predecessor was embittered for the hoops he was forced through in his younger years, solid seemed to take the opposite effect of realizing something had to change for the better. and of course, there's the whole poetic juxtaposition of solid being a clone while simultaneously being the most human in spirit. i could go on and on about how much i love solid and the complexities of his character, but those are the major points that really keep me glued to his story. bbkaz is something that appeals to me on an admittedly more aesthetic level, but i also find their dynamic very compelling. for one, i've always had a soft spot for messy blonde men, and big boss' rooted energy serves as a perfect foil to kaz's fast-paced, high-risk-high-reward attitude. i always go back and forth on how tender/agapic i envision their relationship being. i tend to favor dynamics that carry some aspects not entirely palatable or congruous with the image of a perfect relationship—especially where very flawed characters like big boss and kaz are involved. but ultimately i seem to gravitate towards the idea that there was a mutual affection present between them, even if it was sometimes used to big boss' advantage. it makes the inevitable betrayal of kaz all the harder hitting.

[four-loose-screws]

An Interview with Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga about Fire Emblem (Claude‘s Japanese VA), Pgs. 1 & 2

The gaming magazine scene is still a pretty big deal in Japan to this day. Admittedly... I only cared about them to collect the giant bonus posters. I always swore I would read the magazine, but with the hours in a day being so limited, I never did.

Until last November, that is!! I bought Nindori (Nintendo Dream) for a Zelda poster, and saw that the main article of the issue was... An interview with Claude’s Japanese VA!! Now that’s the real treasure!!

And as I read, it only got more and more interesting... turns out Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga has been a Fire Emblem fan since the very, very beginning, and has all the unique feelings towards FE of someone who is simultaneously a fan and a professional.

I’ve gone to hell and back slowly working my way through this translation. It just so happened to be at a really high level of Japanese. One of the fun things about being a translator is, you never really know exactly what’s going to be a challenge to translate for you. (Even kid’s books can use a bunch of words you don’t know and throw you in for a loop sometimes.)

And now, it’s finally ready to start posting!! Please enjoy it to your heart’s content!!

However... the interview doesn’t start until page 3, so everyone will have to wait until the next post before you can start to read it. ^^’ For now, enjoy some awesome commentary from Senri Kita, on her illustration for the promo card that came with this issue!

Pg. 1 (pg. 12 in the magazine)

Fire Emblem Cipher Finale Special Feature

Fire Emblem Party

This year marks the 30th anniversary of the Fire Emblem (FE) series. The release of the 22nd booster set in October is the grand finale of the TCG FE Cipher, and the promo card included with this magazine will also be the final one. As such, we included a special feature about Claude, the character featured on the card, and the history of Fire Emblem! Please enjoy this lavish party!

Voice Actor of Claude in “Three Houses”

An Interview with Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga

About Three Houses & the 30th Anniversary

Pg. 14 ->

Introduction of a Deck w/ the Promo Card + New Booster Set Information

Hero Research Lab

Pg. 22 ->

Promo Card

“Secret Dance Prodigy

Claude (Fodlan)”

Enclosed in the back of the magazine ->

-> The formal event outfit that Claude can be changed into if you purchase the DLC

Claude (Fodlan)※, from “FE Three Houses,” the latest release in the FE series. This card is part of a set with the other class leaders, Edelgard and Dimitri, who were included in previous issues. Because this is the finale, Claude is wearing formal clothing, and the card is holographic!

(above) The scene from “FE Three Houses” that is portrayed on the card. It is from the Officer’s Academy ball.

※Claude (Fodlan): Because there is another character with the same name in “Genealogy of the Holy War,” Claude is called “Claude of Fodlan” in FE Cipher.  (T/N: This distinction does not apply in English, as Claud and Claude are spelled differently. Both are クロード in Japanese.)

Pg. 2 (pg. 13 in the magazine)

making

[rough sketch] The scene for this art is the ball, so I decided to use warm tones, and bring the entire piece together with an orange-gold color. I arranged the information that I wanted to convey (that Claude is drawing the hand to him) in such a way that it would not be covered by the card icons or frame.

[midway progress] I cleaned up the lines that I drew loosely on the rough draft. I also created different layers for the outline and the colors to make it easier to color when the time came.

[finished drawing] I adjusted Claude’s right hand to give it depth, then added another chandelier in the background. When I finished coloring the entire piece, I adjusted it to fit the color scheme I had first imagined. Finally, I added the glittering lights as a finishing touch.

comment

“There’s only one expression that Claude would have in an illustration on the dance floor at the ball!” I thought, and drew him winking. I thought it would be fun for it to seem like his dance was gradually pulling in the wallflowers, so I created that feeling. I left it up to imagination whose hand he is pulling (because everyone is wearing formal clothing that’s different from their casual outfits). I also studied all the art I had of him as closely as I possibly could to get his face just right. I wanted his personality to come out in the illustration, so I hope I got it right!

Senri Kita

An illustrator. She’s worked as a designer and pixel artist at several game development companies, and was the illustrator for FE: Path of Radiance (GameCube), as well as the pixel artist for Kirby: Squeak Squad (DS). Freelancer since 2006. For FE Cipher, she’s provided the art for many characters, including Ike (from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn) and Gatekeeper (from Three Houses), who’s always standing in his unique spot. She is an active creator of character art and other illustrations for the app game Fire Emblem Heroes.

[missluthorwillseeyounow]

Hitch Me To The One I Love (Supercorp Hitch AU), part 1

Supercorp Hitch AU where Kara is a dating "consultant" who helps her clients, mostly useless gays, get the girl. She's got a little bit of a chip on her shoulder, because her ex-girlfriend, Siobhan cheated on her when she was still a gullible and vulnerable kid in college (I'm imagining a scene where Siobhan derides her by saying that she's "out of Kara's league").

Since then, Kara's kind of made it her mission to help her fellow gays avoid the same heartbreak she experienced. She's a hopeless romantic, who believes that everyone should have a chance to get the person of their dreams, even if they're "out of their league". She's clever about it so no one ever traces anything back to her, and her dorky charm and sunny demeanor keeps people from connecting her with this "Supergirl" matchmaker that everyone keeps talking about. She's made a lot of successful matches, and all her clients are grateful to her, and they pass her business along by word of mouth.

Enter Veronica Sinclair. 

Kara goes to meet her, thinking she's another ordinary client, but when Kara sees her, she immediately knows something's off, because Veronica is stunning, sultry and confident in an eat-you-alive kind of way. There's no way she needs help getting a girl - any girl, or anyone for that matter. Then Veronica starts telling her about this woman she wants to pursue.

"She's.... something else. There's always been something elusive about her. We were at boarding school together, briefly. We never got along then. But now.... Now, things are different. The stakes are higher. She never returns my calls, won't even look my way. It's infuriating! I've been trying to fuck her for years--"

Kara chokes. "Excuse me??"

"Fuck her," Veronica says with a catty smile at Kara's spluttering. "Rail her until she can't walk the next day. Bend her over her desk and break her in half. Have her on her knees with my fingers in her mouth. I really don't know why I need to explain this to you. You're supposed to be the professional."

"I think you may have misunderstood what I do." Kara tries to storm off, but Veronica catches her by the arm.

"I think you may have misunderstood who you're talking to." Veronica murmurs, low and dangerous. "I'm not the sort of person people say no to. People can wince, cry or beg, but eventually, they do what I want. "

Before she can finish her threat, Kara has her in an armlock, and Veronica's face is pushed up against a wall. "And I'm not really the sort of person who likes to touch or be touched without permission. I'm all about consent, y'know."

Kara lets her go with a forced cheery smile before storming out.

_________

Lena, on the other hand, is the reclusive CEO of L-Corp. Her dating life is nonexistent, because she's married to her work, and trying to repair the shambles of the company her brother almost bankrupted with his schemes.

She had her gay awakening in boarding school, secretly staring at Veronica Sinclair's profile in biology class, and watching her smoke under the bleachers from afar. Lena as a schoolgirl was much too focused on escaping everyone else's radar that she and Veronica didn't interact much, but when they did, they didn't get along. Veronica was too much like a snake for Lena's liking - beautiful to look at, but venomous and deadly.

So when Veronica begins displaying an interest in her, Lena avoids her as much as she can. It's not that difficult, she's the CEO of a multinational conglomerate after all.

Things change when Veronica begins to.... court her. Or whatever version of it Veronica is capable of - which, coming from Veronica, feels more like coercion than courtship.

Veronica keeps sending gifts to L-Corp, and when Lena ignores or returns them, she begins making donations to Lena's various charities and sends her extensive (and admittedly sometimes dubious) contacts Lena's way whenever she gets wind that Lena has need of them for whatever innovation she plans to develop next. 

She conveniently runs into Lena, at galas and fundraisers, and other various events that Lena mostly goes to just to keep up appearances. Every time, Veronica is there, scorching Lena with dark, heavy-lidded eyes.

And Lena is only human.

It's nice to have all this positive attention when all her life she's lived under the shadow of her family's infamy, especially when she's been dragged by everyone recently after what Lex did. 

And she will admit, it.... it feels nice to be desired after being scorned for years, especially by someone she had stared at and wanted for years as a girl.

She gives in and agrees to a drink. One drink. That ends up with her bent over her kitchen counter, panting against the marble while Veronica fucks her from behind.

Veronica doesn't stay the night. Nor does she answer any phone calls the next day. When Lena finds out that one of the contacts Veronica had sent her way backed out from an important project at Veronica's insistence, she deletes Veronica's number from her phone. 

When scandalous pictures of Lena and Veronica in a very clearly compromised position are released by the tabloids, she grits her teeth and takes the hit from the board of investors. Then she downs two glasses of her heaviest scotch in quick succession before drinking it straight from the bottle.

Jess, ever the efficient assistant, gathers as much information as she can on Veronica for retaliation. That’s when she first hears about “Supergirl”, this elusive dating consultant who, from what Jess gleaned from Veronica’s circles, supposedly connects people with women they want to sleep with.

She almost doesn’t tell Lena. But Jess knows her well, and she knows Lena would rather know the truth. So Jess tells her, and hands her the nondescript little blue and red business card with an anonymous phone number on it.

Lena looks down at it, the muscles of her jaw twitching even if the rest of her face is still. When Jess leaves, she throws it in the trash, and throws herself back into work.

_________

Fast forward a year later, Kara meets Lena when she acquires tickets to an L-Corp event for one of her clients. She’s there mostly for surveillance and as back-up for her client, in case she’s needed, but she spots Lena drinking alone at the bar.

Kara sits down next to her with a smile. Lena politely nods back before she goes back to nursing her own drink.

Kara keeps studying her, even though Lena pointedly ignores her, and out of the blue, Kara tips her glass at her and grins. “I bet you a date I can make you laugh.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You look like you could use a laugh right now. I bet you one date that I can make you laugh.”

“Excuse me--”

“Hear me out. My terms are simple. If I can make you laugh, I get to take you out on a date. Preferably somewhere as far away as we can get from this stuffy shindig. It’s a win-win for you. Your mood gets better, and you get to see me out of my suit.” Kara leans in with a conspiratorial grin. “‘Cause if you think I look good in a suit and tie, trust me, I look much better in jeans and a t-shirt. ”

“Oh, really?” Lena’s expression morphs from one of surprise to amusement. “And what do I get if I win?”

“Well...” Kara’s grin goes wider, and she intentionally drops her eyes to Lena’s lips. Lena’s mouth parts a little, but instead of moving forward, Kara plops the small tub of maraschino cherries from the bar in front of her. “I’ll share these with you. And if you knew me, you would know what a big deal it is that I’m even offering to share food with you.”

The corner of Lena’s lips lifts into a small smile. “Deal.”

She offers a hand out for Kara’s to shake, and Kara takes it in hers. Kara’s hand is warm, calloused and long-fingered. Lena quite likes the feel of it, but she’d rather die than admit it. Just like she’d rather die than give Kara a laugh.

The next half-hour is spent with Kara using the worst pick-up lines on her, each progressively worse than the next, in an effort to make Lena laugh.

“Do you believe in love at first sight—or should I walk by again?”

“I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.“

Lena shakes her head. “God, you are bad at this.”

“Well, can you blame me? You’re so beautiful you made me forget my pickup line." Kara winks, and Lena bites her lip to keep from smiling too much.

“Here’s another one -- Is this the Hogwarts Express? Because it feels like you and I are headed somewhere magical.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “Oh God, and you’re a nerd.” She neglects to mention that she’s probably a bigger nerd than this girl.

“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!” Lena almost grins too widely at that one, but she schools her expression.

“Are you the SAT? Because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a ten minute break in the middle for snacks.”

Lena takes a sip of her whiskey to hide her smile. “I finished mine in under two hours, so...”

“Well, I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it.”

“Can I follow you where you’re going right now? Because I was always told to follow my dreams.”

By now, Lena’s struggling not to smile too much. Her mood has definitely improved, thanks to this nosy yet attractive blonde with the sparkling blue eyes and the irrepressible grin. 

When Kara tries her next pick-up line “Didn’t I see you on the cover of CatCo magazine?” Lena finally laughs. Kara’s face lights up and she does a fist-pump.

“You probably did, I was on the cover last January.” Lena holds out her hand again. “Lena Luthor.”

The other woman grins widely, irresistibly. “Kara Danvers.”

“I guess I owe you a date, Kara Danvers.” Lena smiles as she rises from her seat. Just before she leaves, she slides the tub of cherries back toward Kara.

“Just so you know, I’m allergic to cherries.”

__________

Their first date is a disaster. 

Hordes of paparazzi attempt to follow them, all eager for the scoop on “Lena Luthor’s new lady love”, and Lena’s security team deems it unsafe for them to go to the gallery Kara knows Lena would have loved. 

Instead, they stay holed up in Lena’s office, and Kara orders in Big Belly Burger while she pulls up pictures of the art made by the trans street artist that the gallery was featuring. One of her old clients, though she doesn’t mention it to Lena.

But Lena sits beside her on the white couch, heels off, feet tucked under her, humming in appreciation as the two of them pore over the young artist’s work. They spend hours on the couch, talking and laughing, shoulders barely touching. The date ends with Lena enthusiastically purchasing many of the artist’s pieces, while Kara studies her with a small smile on her face.

The next date is no better. 

To avoid the paparazzi, Kara decides that they should stay in again. She painstakingly sets up a private dinner at the rooftop of L-Corp -- with the help of Jess, who has now been recruited into her operations -- complete with Lena’s favorite food, a trail of candles, and Lena’s favorite flowers. 

Unfortunately, the weather report that morning betrays Kara, and the skies suddenly open up in a heavy downpour, leaving her drenched like a drowned rat with nothing but doused candles and a water-logged meal.

Kara sulks, frustrated and disappointed, looking at the mess that was half a day’s efforts. The small bouquet of plumerias she had been planning to give Lena wilts, sodden in her hand. She’s a little startled when an umbrella suddenly appears over her head, and she turns to see Lena surveying the mess on her rooftop.

Instead of being annoyed, Lena smiles at the whole soaked wreckage, then at Kara, who sheepishly holds up the sodden white flowers and offers it to her with a defeated shrug. Lena takes it with a small laugh.

“Thank you.” Lena takes the flowers with one hand, the one holding the umbrella, and slips the other into Kara’s slippery hand. It makes Kara smile, and she lets Lena pull her back into the building.

In her office, Jess -- bless her, she would do wonders for Kara’s business if Kara could ever steal her away from Lena -- has laid out fluffy white towels and a blanket. Lena takes a towel and drapes it over Kara’s shoulders, rubbing lightly to dry her as much as she can.

Kara stays very still. She could insist that she can do it herself, but there’s something almost... entrancing about the way Lena bites her lip as she rubs Kara’s back and shoulders in wide, gentle circles.

When she reaches up to dry off Kara’s hair, Kara finds herself leaning forward. Lena studiously avoids her gaze for a moment, toweling off the ends of Kara’s hair. Kara’s hand gently encloses her wrist in a loose grip, giving Lena enough time to pull away if she wants to. Lena looks up, fragile, glass-green eyes finally meeting Kara’s mesmerized stare.

Lena’s hand stops moving, and Kara slips her hand from Lena’s wrist to her chin, fingers slowly tracing from her jaw to her neck until she can slip her fingers right under her head. Lena’s eyelashes flutter, and her pulse beats rapidly under Kara’s palm. She pulls Lena just a little bit closer, and she feels Lena’s breath stutter. 

“Kara, I...” Lena’s lips part to form words, and Kara’s gaze is immediately drawn to her mouth, full and red and tempting.

Before Kara can lean forward, Lena is pulling away. Kara feels disappointment crash over her like the downpour of rain on the rooftop, but she lets Lena go, lets her clear her throat and straighten herself. “I-I asked Jess to get you some dry clothes. You can change in the bathroom.”

Kara dutifully accepts the clothes, taking one last moment to study Lena, before closing the door behind her. When she’s done changing, she returns to find Lena on their couch, surrounded by food from Kara’s favorite Chinese restaurant. 

Lena looks up at her with wide eyes and an appreciative smile. “Well, you were right. You do look good in jeans and a t-shirt.”

Kara grins. Despite the earlier awkward moment, she thinks they’re okay. “You should see me in flannel.”

Their third date is at a dive bar. 

Not exactly common date fare for a multi-billionaire, but Kara thinks Lena will like the change. They’re soon joined by Kara’s friends, and Kara chuckles a little at Lena’s deer-in-the-headlights expression. She runs her hands up and down Lena’s arms to reassure her.

“Don’t worry, they’ll love you.”

She’s already drilled into her friends to be on their best behavior around Lena, but of course, her sister is the first to break that rule.

Alex smirks as she shakes Lena’s hand. “So... you’re the Lena I’ve been hearing so much about. Kara hasn’t shut up about you for weeks. Every sister night, it’s ‘Lena this’, ‘Lena that’, ‘Alex she’s just so pretty’, ‘Alex, she’s so smart, like you would not believe’, ‘God, Alex, I just wanna--- mmphff!”

Alex’s voice is muffled by Kara’s hand slapping over her mouth. “Sorry! This is my sister Alex, and she is going to be silent for the rest of the night, and -- Ew! Did you just lick my hand?? Gross!”

The rest of the night progresses smoothly. Lena manages to beat Kara soundly at pool (”It’s basic geometry”) -- and Kara’s definitely not gonna complain, because holy crap, the view she gets whenever Lena bends over to take a shot almost makes her pass out several times. Lena, however, loses spectacularly to Alex at darts (”Excuse you, I have great aim. I’ve just never played darts before.” ”Yeah, yeah, sure. Pay up, Miss CEO”). At one point, Kara hears her offering Kelly a position in her VR department, so it’s safe for Kara to assume that Lena’s having a good time.

The only tiny baby hiccup of the night is when Kara offers to get her another drink from the bar, and Lena’s eyes tighten a little before she refuses with a polite smile. Throughout the night, Lena carefully sticks to one glass of wine and no more.

When the group disperses for the night, Lena offers Kara a ride home. A few blocks in, Kara asks her the question niggling at the back of her mind.

“Why didn’t you drink anything tonight? I mean -- you don’t have to answer that, I-I was just curious. I know you have a bar in your office, and I’ve seen your collection of scotches that probably cost more than my yearly rent. But you barely touched your wine tonight.”

Lena is quiet at first, fiddling with her purse. Kara lays a soft, gentle hand on top of hers to still her nervous fingers. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything--”

“The last time I got drunk at a bar with a beautiful woman, it almost ended up ruining my life.”

The story slowly unfolds, and Lena shows Kara the tabloid pictures of her and Veronica. Kara merely sits and listens, even after Lena’s driver has parked the car in front of her apartment.

She’d known Veronica was bad news from their first and only meeting, but she hadn’t known how truly atrocious she was. Kara is acutely aware that there’s a high probability Lena was the woman Veronica had been talking about when they met. She finds herself vacillating between the need to tell Lena the truth, and the need to keep her own anonymity.

No one outside of her friends and clients knows what she does. And she had refused Veronica outright as a client. Exposing Kara’s part in this, however small and non-existential it was, would mean exposing herself as “Supergirl” to someone who’s not a client. 

Besides, telling Lena would only add another complication to an already complicated mess. Lena has moved on, she’s recovering from the fallout Veronica left on her life, and telling her this will only set her back, open wounds that are probably better off left alone to heal.

Kara takes Lena’s fluttering hands in a gentle grip. She meets Lena’s eyes with a warm, steadfast gaze. “ I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of this, Lena. That woman, she doesn’t deserve someone as amazing as you.”

Lena doesn’t speak, just looks at her with soft, heart-hurt eyes. Kara feels her chest constrict, robbing her of breath, and she knows that she would do anything to make sure this woman is never hurt again.

She doesn’t realize she’s spoken it out loud, breathed it into the space between them, until Lena drifts forward and presses their lips together. 

Kara’s mouth is still half-parted, and she tastes the wine from Lena’s mouth. She feels a tingling that starts from where their mouths are pressed together, soft lips meeting soft lips, spreading through the rest of her body.

It’s like being wired alive, and Kara’s hands move of their own accord, settling firm and greedy on Lena’s hips, urging her closer. Her fingers slide under Lena’s expensive top, finding warm skin there and making Lena gasp into her mouth. Kara shifts, and Lena shifts with her, hauling herself onto Kara’s lap. Her tongue sweeps over Kara’s lower lip, filling her mouth with the taste of wine and Lena, and Kara moans into the kiss.

Eventually, Kara knows they have to stop. They’ve been parked in front of her apartment for more than half an hour with the engine running. She won’t be able to look Lena’s driver in the eye for a few weeks. Her nosy old neighbor is likely peering at them through the curtains, and who knows if there are any reporters following Lena. Despite every cell in her body protesting, she pulls away from Lena slowly, trying to catch her breath.

Lena doesn’t look like she’s faring much better. She rests her forehead against Kara’s and her possessive grip on the collar of Kara’s button-down pulls her forward. Her eyes are closed, her breathing heavy, and her lipstick is smeared in the most delicious way that almost makes Kara kiss her again.

When Lena’s eyes open, Kara can see the crystal green of them. Her heart squeezes at the brilliance and tenderness of Lena’s eyes and oh, Kara’s in trouble. Lena’s fingertips gently stroke Kara’s cheek. “You’re amazing, Kara Danvers.”

Lena lets her go, and Kara somehow manages to stumble out of the car. She stands on the sidewalk in front of her apartment building, waves like an idiot with a silly grin on her face, as Lena’s smiling face disappears from her view.

Well, shit. She’s fucked.