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#admirxations commissions
admirxation · 29 days
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˗ˏˋ 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐱𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧’𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 ´ˎ˗
🍙 — I usually do free requests, however, I've been put in a bad financial situation where extra money on the side would be a massive help so I'm opening this up. Content will still be free on my blog and my ao3, however, these commissions are for specific requests people are looking for and something personalised for them. Please read this page before contacting me for a commission *kiss kiss*
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★ — 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬
You must be 18+ and have your age in your bio or simply 'adult' before messaging me, if not I will just ignore/block you.
If you are rude/disrespectful/harassing I will block you.
If you want a commission, we privately message on Tumblr. We communicate about what you're looking for (please keep in mind I might have a different time zone and/or busy so there might be delay now and again), if given the okay I will ask for the payment to be made to my kofi. Then your email address OR discord so when the commission is done I can attach a PDF file.
Commissions usually take two weeks, any delay will be communicated through open and honest dialogue with you.
I might post some of these commissions, but of course, I will not tag you in it merely that it was just a "commission".
★ — 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
Short drabble (under 1k) - £3
1k - £5
3k - £10
5k - £15
kofi link: here
I accept money through kofi, when giving payment just put the character you wished for and commission, e.g. 'Levi Ackerman commission' so I have a reference. AND PLEASE DO NOT GIVE MONEY UNTIL I GAVE THE OKAY.
I ask for payment upfront after we've discussed.
I have a no refund's policy. You do not get a refund because you simply "didn't like it" However if you want tweaks and small edits these can happen free of charge but if you want a full rewrite I ask for an additional £2. Refunds will be given if I backed out since that's on me.
★ — 𝐝𝐨𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐬
hard nos: underaged, grooming, scat/faeces/flatulence, vomit, race play, neco, cannibalism, self harm... These are just off the top of my head but if you give me something I am uncomfortable with I will politely decline.
I can write a lot, feel free to check my account to see what kind of stuff I write and even engage with; just speak to me and we can sort out if I wanna write it or not, chances are if it’s not in the hard no’s I will probably just write it.
I mainly write smut NSFW content but I am open to fluff, angst, as well as suggestive tension filled flirting not just full on sex.
I don't write ship fics, only character x reader, but I am open to threesomes with character x character x reader, or more such as gang bangs.
I can also write for OC's not just readers, but you must give me references so I can obvi write them in.
I write afab, but for commissions, I am open for amab.
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Text
slipping through my fingers
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pairing: ex-husband! leon x ex-wife! reader
tags/cw: hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, p-in-v (unprotected), breeding kink, chris and rose make an appearance, exes to lovers, periodic pov switch
summary: previously absent-father leon comes back into reader's life when he decides to step-up as a father to their daughter, june
a/n: this is a commission for @mikadayo !
wc: 5.3k
taglist:
@rigorwhoring
@dilfprayers
@porcelainseashore
@xoxoloveless
@admirxation
@pawrincss
@onlyasimp4-2dbitches
@pr3ttyd0llie
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It was supposed to be over. It was over. You finalized your divorce with Leon and got full custody of your daughter, June. It's hard being a single mom, but making the choice to become one was an easy one. You'd do anything for your little girl, and that includes making sure she has a stable home life, which was something she'd never get with Leon.
He had his chances to see her. You were willing to let him have her on Father's Day and New Years Eve, even Spring Break once, but he never took you up on your offers. Work was always too busy.
Whenever your daughter asks about Daddy, you tell her, "he's busy working to make sure the world stays safe."
"He's gonna make sure there's no monsters under my bed ever."
"That's right, honey. No monsters can get you because your dad is gonna make them go away."
She doesn't know about Umbrella, STRATCOM, the DSO, or why he was sick for a little while and had to go to a special facility before he could come home. ‘Parasite’ is not a word in her vocabulary.
But one fateful Saturday morning, Leon - older and more sober - stands at your doorstep.
With a coffee mug in your hand and slippers on your feet, you open your front door, assuming it's a neighbor who got your mail by mistake or a kid selling girl scout cookies. But, luck isn't on your side today.
"Good morning," he says, all cheery and nonchalant.
"What the Hell are you doing here?"
June - who seems to have phenomenal hearing this morning - chimes in, "that's a bad word, ."
"I'm an adult, so I can say bad words sometimes," you say, hoping it will be enough of a response for her, but her nosiness prevails.
Peering out from behind you, she realizes who you're talking to, and pushing past you to see him, she exclaims, "Daddy!"
"Hi, sweetheart," he says, picking her up and giving her a kiss on the forehead.
Full of excitement, she talks a mile a minute. "I missed you so much. I have to show you my Barbies and my science project and - Oh! we're having pancakes for breakfast because  makes them on Saturdays with chocolate chips and-"
"Slow down, June bug," he says with a smile identical to hers. "Let's do one thing at a time. First we have to make sure that your mommy is okay with me hanging out with you today."
"Of course she is!" June says, turning to you. "Right, mommy?"
You sigh. "Of course I am." You make a face that only Leon can recognize as annoyance. Not anger, just irritation. You wanted him to make an effort, right?
Leon listens eagerly to everything about My Little Pony and the ant farm at school while you clean up breakfast and make yourself slightly more presentable. Leon looks better than you'd like to admit, and whether it's to spite him or to impress him, you decide you need to look decent in front of him too.
"Can I talk to daddy for a minute, honey?" you ask.
"Okay, but only for five minutes because we're gonna watch a movie."
You can't help but laugh at the fact that she tries to hog her father - your ex-husband. A man who was once yours, who you used to love. 
"Okay five minutes," you tell her, as you give Leon a nod in the direction of the kitchen.
From the kitchen, you drag him out the back door, onto the porch and you can see in his face that he is prepared for the talking-to that he's about to get.
"You can't just show up unannounced,” you whisper-yell at him in the way that parents do. 
"I know, but I was in the area and-"
"No. You should've called me."
"I did, but it went to voicemail."
"When?"
"A few hours ago."
"I was asleep."
"How was I supposed to know that?"
"I always sleep in on Saturdays.” It irks you how he forgets the simplest things about you, and you almost let yourself get consumed by the urge to keep arguing, but then you remember why you’re both standing here. “This isn't even about me. You can't do this to her."
"Do what? Hang out with my daughter? She's happy. Look at her."
"She's happy now, but what about when you leave? What about when I have to calm her down when she's crying because she misses you?"
"Just tell her I'll be back."
"But that's not fucking good enough, Leon! That doesn't mean anything. You've been gone for years."
"What do you want me to do? Leave now?"
You peek inside to see your baby girl smiling to herself.
"No."
"We'll figure something out, babe, I swear."
"Do not 'babe' me. We're not doing that."
"Okay, sorry."
You can't tell if his ‘sorry’ is an apology or a way to get you off his ass for the time being.
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Leon knows this isn't the ideal scenario, but he prays that the old adage, 'better late than never' proves itself to be true.
He really is sorry. 
Sorry. It never comes out quite right, his mouth is still learning how to mold itself to fit that word. He hopes the look in his eyes gives way to the fact that he means it. 
Regardless, you cut your lecture short after peering in the window at June who is patiently waiting in front of the TV for him to come back.
Leon rarely ever relaxes. His job puts him constantly on edge, waiting for the industry's latest bioweapon to tear his head off. But, with June in his lap, the two of them both fall asleep while Mulan remains on the TV.
You wake June up for lunch, which stirs Leon as well - he never likes having his sleep interrupted but when he finds out you've made macaroni and cheese (and he's allowed to have some), all is forgiven.
That afternoon, Leon feels you staring him down like he's an inmate and you're a prison guard. He feels a little guilty, though he's committed no crimes. He shouldn't be here, he should be home, away from the sacred space you've created for his little girl. If he loves her, he'll let her go.
No. He said that about you, and so far, it hasn't worked.
If he loves his little June bug, he'll hold her tight.
So, Leon comes back the next weekend, announced, like you asked, though maybe he should've been a bit more specific about his intentions.
"Are you guys gonna watch a movie?" you ask. "Or are you gonna show dad your new toy?"
"Actually," Leon cuts in, "I was thinking about taking her to the fair." 
Leon’s not a man who typically walks around with a mind full of adventures - you were always the one to plan the dates you went on together. This idea came to him when he looked up 'things to do near me with children', and found an article that mentioned the county fair. 
"The fair?" You look apprehensive. 
You were never this way with him, you would go anywhere with him - at least, in the beginning, back when you were absolutely smitten with him. God, he misses those days. 
But, maybe Leon should have considered the concerns that you might have about him taking June to the fair. However, the website he consulted didn't give him any instructions on 'how to convince your ex-wife to let you bring your child here' - the only directions consisted of an address that he could type into his GPS. 
"Yeah, I heard it's this weekend and I think it would be a fun time, you know, we could ride some rides, get cotton candy…"
"Cotton candy!" A voice from behind Leon calls.
"I'm worried about June getting on those rides, I mean, they can't be entirely safe."
"I promise, I'll make sure she's safe."
"Mommy, please." It seems to be June who convinces you, though Leon does mimic her pouty puppy dog face.
"Fine, but you need sunscreen, and I don't want you eating too much junk food." Leon tries his best to keep up with all your instructions, though he misses some, in particular, he forgets your insistence that he "keeps you updated the whole time."
"Got it," Leon tells you, overconfident in his listening skills when he's got an excited little kid pulling him out the door.
"And you better not be taking her on that bike, Leon Kennedy!"
"Can I have your car keys?" he asks sheepishly.
You grab them off the counter and hand them to him. "If you crash my car so help me God-"
"I won't." Not while his girl is with him. He drives under the speed limit with her buckled in her carseat. (You had to help him with that, and honestly, you seemed grateful that he asked you, rather than doing it himself and risking messing it up.) Leon knows you think he’s a fuck-up. 
The fair is a 5 year-old's dream. (Also, a grown man's dream, though Leon would be reluctant to admit that.)
"Can we get a funnel cake, daddy?"
“Hell yeah, we can."
"Mommy says 'Hell' is a bad word."
"She's right. I'm sorry for saying it." Maybe you'll accept a funnel cake as an apology, he thinks.
June gasps, and Leon's protective arm flies out of his jacket pocket to wrap around her, stopping in its tracks when she says, "they have fried Oreos!"
"They make those?" Leon has died and gone to heaven, he's sure of it.
The fried Oreos taste 'fucking amazing', though Leon stops himself from saying that in front of his daughter. They're truly the pinnacle of American cuisine.
The fair is like a casino, both in the sense that it drains your wallet and makes you forget how long you've been there. They have the spinning teacups, the petting zoo, the carousel, everything a child's mind could dream up.
"I remember your mom and I kissed at the top of one of these once," he tells June when they're on the ferris wheel.
"Ew! You could've given her cooties!"
"Cooties? You still believe in those?"
"Yeah, if a boy touches you, you can get it."
On second thought, cooties absolutely exist. His little girl isn't having a boyfriend until she's 25.
"Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot - you can get it when you're a kid, but I was an adult when I kissed your mom, so we didn't get cooties."
He spares her the details of what really happened on that ferris wheel. His daughter will never hear that story.
That Saturday is one of the best days of Leon's life - second only to June's birth.
That is, until he drops her off at home. You are pissed like he's never seen before.
"Oh, you're alive!" You take June in your arms and kiss her on the cheek.
You do not look as happy to see him. "Leon, I was worried sick about y- her!"
He hears the almost slip of the tongue. You. You worried about them both. You worried about him.
"I'm sorry." And, he means it, really.
"Mommy, it's okay," June assures you. "Daddy won me this." She hands you a teddy bear.
"How'd he do that?"
You look at him, almost suspicious, but he gives you a proud smile, and says, "I won the game where you have to throw darts at the balloons."
"No way! Those are rigged."
"Nope. You're just not as good at them as I am." They probably are rigged but Leon's job has given him superior aim and reaction speed.
Your reluctant smile says you're impressed with his skill.
And, that smile widens when he says, "I got you something too."
"Oh yeah?" The look you give him is one he’s always treasured. He’s always dreamed about making your eyes light up like that again.
"Here." He hands you a styrofoam takeout box, and watches you as you open it.
"Funnel cake!" Though you always say June got her smile from him, he swears you smile exactly like she does.
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A funnel cake? How are you supposed to stay mad at him like this?
When Leon is about to exit after saying his goodbyes to June, you stop him. "I'm gonna go put her to bed, and then we're going to have a talk."
A lecture. Not the kind of ‘talk’ he likes.
"Mommy, I want daddy to read me a story."
Leon might have a convincing face, one that works on you nine times out of ten, but June's works ten times out of ten.
You give Leon a pleading look - something you wouldn't have expected to do since your divorce - and he says, "yeah, of course."
"I expect you to be good," you tell June when you hug her goodnight. "You know the rules: brush your teeth, put on your pjs, one story, and then lights out."
She nods, though you expect her to push the envelope. And, you expect Leon to cave to her wishes. But you have a date with that funnel cake, and maybe even a beer - you never drink when June is around, but you realize, when you find one in the back of the fridge out in the garage, that you're beginning to trust Leon. If, God forbid, you ever got even the slightest bit drunk, you know he could take care of June. 
Leon finds you on the porch with a half-finished beer and an empty box where the funnel cake used to be. You smile like a child in that you're completely unashamed, or unaware even, of the ring of powdered sugar around your mouth. 
"I thought you'd save some for me," he says. 
"You thought wrong."
"It's kinda funny that you're the one with the beer in hand. It feels like it was always the other way around."
It’s not that funny at all. 
"That's 'cause it was."
He pauses - you half expect him to apologize, but he doesn't. 
"How was she?"
"Good. She fell asleep while I was reading to her."
"The first book?"
"Are there usually more books?"
"Unbelievable! She always begs me for 'one more story', and I'm such a softie. I always give in."
He laughs. A beautiful laugh. "What can I say? I'm a man of many talents."
"She was probably tired from her long day out." You give him the 'you're in trouble' look that June never gets. 
"I'm sorry. We were having a great time."
"I almost called the police, Leon. I thought you two had died."
"Died? She's safe with me. Always." He pats his hip where Matilda resides, holstered under his jacket.
"You brought a gun into my house? Into my baby's bedroom? I don't want that thing anywhere near her!"
"Chill. The safety's on, and she can't get to it without getting past me, and I've got fast reflexes."
"Oh yeah? I could just-" You reach for the gun, but he grabs your wrist. Then, you think you can catch him off-guard with the other hand, but he's one step ahead, immediately grabbing your other wrist before it gets anywhere near the gun. 
"No, you can't."
"You expected me to do it."
"I expected the second hand after the first. I'm just paying attention."
"Let go of my wrists."
"Will you behave?"
You scoff. "Yes." 
You don't want to 'behave', you want Leon's hands pinning your wrists to the bed. You shake off that thought quickly.
To 'prove that you can outsmart him', you try to grab his gun again when he lets you go. Of course, he stops you. You've never gotten past him. Not when you used to 'play-fight', not when you tried to sneak up on him, not now.
"What do you think you're doing?" He's trying so hard not to laugh, you can see his lip twitching. 
"Fine. You proved your point."
But he doesn't let go yet. "Do you wanna know what I told June earlier?" he whispers. 
"What did you tell her?"
"When we were on the ferris wheel," he enunciates every syllable in 'ferris wheel' and you already know where it's going before he says it, "I told her we kissed on one of those a long time ago."
He must see your worry because he adds, "don't worry, I didn't say anything more about what happened."
About how his hands were under your skirt, and his fingers were knuckle-deep inside you.
“You better not have told her about that."
"I've always kept it a secret. Just between us... and probably the guy operating the ride and people waiting in line who saw your shaky legs and blushing face."
"Shut up!"
"That was my line." He lets go of your wrists, and you're too stunned to do anything. 
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It becomes a routine - Leon comes and sees June on the weekends. You know it's going to end one day. He'll leave you both behind. He always does. Sometimes it's work, sometimes it's other things (though you always tell June it's work). 
You wait for him the next Saturday. You've never really set a specific time for Leon to come over because that would be setting expectations, and you've learned that with him expectations just lead to being let down. But, he's later than usual. The pang of anxiety is a familiar one. 
Finally, he shows up, and when he pulls into your driveway, you nearly cry. You care because June cares. At least, that's what you tell yourself. 
"I think my little girl should come stay with me for the weekend," Leon says, and you wonder if saying it in front of June is a strategic move on his part. You can say no to him, but not to her. 
She jumps up and down with joy. You'd think she was just told she's being taken to Disney World, not her dad's apartment. 
"I don't know about this..." You try to shut the idea down. "I mean, you don't even have a carseat, Leon, how can I expect you to have a toothbrush for her? Do you even know how to comb her hair? And, what about her allergies?"
"She's allergic to peanuts and bees, I remember. Her blood type is A positive. She likes watermelon-flavored toothpaste. And Chris told me what shampoo he buys for Rose and how he does her hair."
You're impressed to say the least. "And what about-"
"If I need anything, I'll call you. Okay?"
"I expect you to call me anyway."
"June bug, will you remind me to call  if I forget?"
"Yes," she says, standing up straight like a soldier. 
Would you normally trust your five year-old to remember something crucial? No. But, you know she'll want to say goodnight to you. You're surprised she's willing to stay over at someone else's house, let alone excited about a sleepover. She's always been attached to you. You and June have existed as a duo since she was born. 
It takes you at least an hour to pack everything. You fill two suitcases - and admittedly, it is hot to watch Leon carry them both to the car with no trouble. 
But that rush of arousal lasts for two minutes maximum. You watch them drive away and realize June left without hugging you goodbye. She usually hangs onto your leg like a koala bear and you have to peel her off of you. You only got a wave from Leon. 
It's like her first day of kindergarten all over again - when you teared up at the bus stop watching her climb onto the school bus. 
The only thing that gives you peace of mind is that your baby girl is probably over the moon right now.
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She is, and so is her dad. 
There's a singular moment of nervousness on June's part when Chris comes over with Rose. His giant frame and resting face can be intimidating to adults, so he's like the boogeyman to children. Ironic because he's a good father figure, one Leon looks up to. 
Leon tries to coax June out from behind him where she hides from Chris, but the one who successfully gets her to feel safe enough to do so is Rose, who is only a bit older, and a bit taller than June. 
“Don't worry. He's not scary. He fights monsters."
"My dad fights monsters."
"He also plays Barbies sometimes."
Leon stifles a laugh. 
"Let the record show that I play as Ken," Chris insists.
June comes out of hiding to announce that, "My dad is Chef Barbie."
"Is that right?" Chris says, shooting Leon a look that says, 'who's laughing now?'. 
"Well, I would've been Lifeguard Barbie but she was already taken."
The afternoon consists of Lifeguard Barbie saving Chef Barbie, who cannot swim, and ends up in the hospital where she is taken care of by Doctor Barbie - played by Rose - and with a grand finale and a costume change, Chef Barbie and Ken get married. 
Dinner is pizza, which Leon did not expect to be as much of a hit as it was. You'd think he cooked a fancy steak dinner if you saw the look on June's face. 
"Mom never orders pizza at home!"
"Really?"
"She says it's bad for you."
"Let's not tell her about it then."
They also agree not to mention the ice cream sundaes that are served for dessert. 
Both girls fall asleep in front of the TV. Chris carries Rose to the car as she sleeps soundly in his arms. He's become accustomed to that, but it's new for Leon to get to tuck his baby girl into bed like this. He can't remember the last time he carried her. 
When the heartwarming feeling subsides a bit, he realizes he forgot to call you. Shit. He's going to be in trouble. 
Leon calls you from his bedroom, so he doesn't wake June. 
You sound eager to hear from them both, and he feels awful when he hears your disappointment that you're only going to get to talk to him. 
"Do you want me to wake her up?"
"No, no. If she's asleep, don't. I'm just glad you guys had fun."
"We did. Thank you for letting me take her."
"Yeah... Goodnight, Leon."
And, he can't hear the sadness in your voice, so he doesn't understand why you end the phone call so quickly. He expected you to want a rundown of the day, but sleep comes over him and he brushes it off. 
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It was a bad choice to watch Mamma Mia that night. You have to pause the TV to grab the tissues when they get to Slipping Through My Fingers. It hits a bit too close to home.
Why aren't you like Meryl Streep? Would it be better if you didn't know who June's father was and you moved to a small town in Greece? 
Realistically, no. 
But halfway through the tub of ice cream you devour, you're convinced you've done it all wrong. 
You were the strict parent but you were also the fun parent because you were the only parent. Then, Leon comes around and swoops your daughter up - and with his ever-present charm, becomes the light of her life.
It's the next weekend when your heart is truly broken- when June is supposed to go to your parents house for the weekend. She usually loves staying with them because they live by the lake and she's finally old enough to swim - with floaties of course. Often, it takes some convincing to get her out the door as she's apprehensive to leave her mom behind, but this time, she says something different. 
"I wanna go see daddy," she cries. 
"You'll see daddy next weekend. Plus, you had me yesterday."
"I don't want you, I want daddy!"
Though she's the child, you're the one who sobs like a baby. You consider calling your own mother to calm you down. 
You don't even feel like yourself anymore, you don't feel like June's mom anymore. the woman your daughter looked up to, the person she loved more than anyone. Now, you feel like you're no more than a woman who lives in the same house, a woman who drives her to soccer practice and packs her lunches. Dad takes her on adventures and lets her stay up late. Mom is an evil dictator who enforces bedtimes.
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You gave Leon a key to your house the weekend before. A familiar one, one with a keychain that used to be his. He used to live here. He missed it. He missed you. 
He comes over on the weekends for you both, though it takes him time to fully accept that. Leon remembers you saying that June would be at her grandparents this weekend, but pretends that he doesn't. 
When he arrives he lets himself in, and he finds you crying in the kitchen. He's not sure whether to feel better about being here or worse. He wants to cheer you up, but he worries he'll fuck up somehow. He usually does. 
"What's wrong?" he asks, though he knows he'll need to do more than that to drag the truth out of you. 
And he's right. You respond with a simple lie. A classic. "It's nothing. I'm fine. I just had a hard week at work, that's all."
He places a hand on your shoulder, comforting but begging you to turn to him. "You know I'm here for you, right?"
"You're not here for me. You're here for her. And that's all right, Leon. That's how it's supposed to be. You two still have a special relationship, but us - we have nothing anymore."
"That's not true. We might not be married anymore, but you're still my daughter's mother, and I'm still your daughter's father. We have the best baby girl. Both of us."
He looks into your eyes when he says it.
"And, I wish I could take credit for her being the greatest child I've ever met, but you're the one who raised her - up to this point."
He can tell that the last phrase throws you off. You don't cut him off, you don't try to push him away. 
"I want to be involved. I know I fucked up. Big time. I fucked up catastrophically. But, I want to be there for my girl… and for my other girl, if she'll let me."
"I'm not your girl."
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But you were, and the spark is still there. The lack of passion was not your reason for divorce. Your immense love is what kept you together for so long. You were - are - head-over-heels for him. Love - it's incurable.
Now, Leon recognizes the situation for what it is, and swears he'll step up and be a father. But people lie sometimes. Leon has a thousand times now. 
Something in the back of your mind says, one more time. Hope, delusion, optimism. 
And, June, as much as her words hurt you, you've never seen her so happy. 
You explain it all to Leon while he holds you in his arms like you're his baby girl. Because you were. Because you are. 
"She doesn't love me anymore."
"She loves you so much. Just because she loves me, doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She's got a lot of love in her heart. She's a sweet girl like her mom."
Somehow, he always manages to make you feel flustered even when you're crying. 
"You're easy to love," he whispers. 
"Are you saying that-"
"Yes, I'm saying it. I lo-."
You kiss him to cut him off before he can say it. You don't want to have to say it back - because you'd be telling the truth, and sometimes the truth is hard. 
At first, he doesn't kiss you back, and you think you've fucked up, but for once, you've caught him off-guard. 
You make out like teenagers on your living room couch until Leon insists on carrying you upstairs. "I don't care if we don't go any further than this, but I'm old - and I want to take you to bed, in one way or another."
With Leon, it never stops at just making out even though you know he'd never pressure you to do more. He makes you feel insatiable. 
"Fuck, baby," Leon groans. "I missed being inside you."
Inside you - without a condom. You love him that much. 
"I missed this too," you say between moans. "I couldn't get off without thinking about you, about what you do to me."
He lifts your legs and hooks them upon his shoulders, and the new angle makes his cock rub against the most sensitive part of you with every stroke. Your mouth falls open and your head falls back onto the pillow as you let out a gasp of pure pleasure.
"Yeah? Tell me what you've been thinking about." He doesn’t stop fucking you while he speaks, the dirty talk only spurs him on further.
You can't tell him anything. The only word you have in your mind is ‘Leon’, and even that gets stuck in your throat. He's reduced you to downright pornographic moans. 
He slows the roll of his hips. "Want you to tell me," he says. 
"Leon," you whine and reach out to grab him - but your efforts are in vain, he has you at his mercy in this position. 
"Tell me."
"Every time I touched myself, I thought about when we were trying to conceive… It was the best sex I ever had."
"We can do that again, baby. Just say the word." 
There's nothing that Leon wants more than to cum inside you, you know this. 
"Please."
"You want me to put a baby in you?"
"Mm-hmm."
He doesn't even make you beg because he can't stop running his own mouth. His filthy, beautiful mouth. "I remember how gorgeous you looked when you were pregnant. God, I wanted to fuck you the whole time."
"I told you that you could have me whenever you wanted me, however you wanted me. I told you I wanted it rough and you wouldn't give it to me."
"I had to be gentle with you, baby. Couldn't risk it."
"You're still being gentle."
"'Cause you're so precious."
"You're not gonna hurt me, Leon. I want you to be rough with me."
And that's his cue to press your legs to your chest - you know he can fuck you faster and harder in this position, but you swear he manages to bury himself deeper inside you than before, too. 
It's a good thing you're alone in the house because otherwise Leon would have to find a way to shut you up. He could easily clamp his hand over your mouth, but he lets you whine unrestrained, begging him over and over for 'more'. 
"You're gonna wake the whole goddamn neighborhood, baby."
"I don't care. I need you."
"Fuck." He snaps his hips into you with increased vigor. He must not care either, not enough to stop. 
You try to tell him how good it feels, and moreover, how close you are to the edge, but it gets lost in a sea of moans. 
It doesn't matter, though, because your walls tightening around him tell him all he needs to know.
"You're squeezin' me, baby. Not gonna be able to pull out if you don't let up."
"Don't pull out."
"Yeah? You sure? You want me to put a baby in you?" 
It's all rhetorical but you nod at every question. You wrap your legs around him, forcing him to stay inside you, and you don't let him go until well after your high has subsided. 
In the post-orgasm haze, you say the words you meant to hold back before. "I love you."
And he doesn’t hesitate to say it back.  
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admirxation · 1 month
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I think I might open commissions, I just need the extra money but I also feel guilty and feel like everyone would just tell me to f off 😭
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admirxation · 1 month
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Is there a way to do commissions that doesn’t give away your real name 🤔🤔🤔
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take your fast car and keep on driving
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pairing: fem! leon kennedy (aka leah) x reader
cw: wlw, use of homophobic slurs, obscure resident evil characters (no, i did not just make all of those names up), angst, light smut, forbidden love, secret relationship.
summary: you are a rookie in the rpd, and so is leah (re2r leon but as a woman). you like her but you know you shouldn't pursue a relationship because this is 1998 and you're the cops.
a/n: this is a commission for @porcelainseashore! also, the title is a line from fast car by tracy chapman bc i like to cry to that song (and she's a (presumed to be) queer woman so it seemed to fit).
wc: 5.3k
taglist:
@rigorwhoring
@dilfprayers
@porcelainseashore
@dollita-fawn
@xoxoloveless
@admirxation
@pawrincss
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Leah. You've never met anyone quite like her before.
Like you, she's new to the force, fresh out of the police academy. It's the first thing you bond over.
In the break room, she gives you a soft smile while she lingers by the kitchen counter, waiting for her instant coffee to finish brewing. The gurgling of the machine fills the brief silence between you.
"It's your first day too, right?" she says after you attempt a "hey" that comes out as nothing but a heavy exhale.
"Yep." It's all you can come up with.
"You seem nervous."
"A little. You know, don't wanna fuck anything up on my first day." Like this conversation. You keep the last part to yourself.
"Don't worry. It took me like three tries to get the buttons straight on this shirt. Jill- Officer Valentine had to help me fix it."
And somehow you're jealous. Leah seems to have no trouble making friends since she's already getting chummy with a STARS member. You'll be relegated to the losers club while she gets to sit at the cool girls table - if there is such a thing.
Most of your colleagues are men. Lieutenant Marvin Branaugh, your direct superior seems nice enough, Chief Brian Irons is a bit off-putting, though. And the STARS members: Officers Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, Brad Vickers, Richard Aiken, Rebecca Chambers - and of course, Captain Wesker, who reminds you of a cartoon villain in the way he carries himself. Most of them are relatively nice to you. Jill has a hardened exterior but a soft heart; Chris is a typical jock and a natural leader; Brad is a bit of a knucklehead; Richard is his slightly smarter counterpart; and Rebecca, who's even younger than you, is an absolute sweetheart. Not to mention, Forest Speyer, Joseph Frost, Enrico Marini, and Barry Burton. You consider putting pictures of them on flashcards with their names on the back so you can learn them all.
Then, there's Leah who has a certain je ne sais quoi that makes her name stick firmly in your mind.
She walks gracefully, steadily in combat boots identical to yours and her blonde hair sways in time with her steps. Her pants fit perfectly, especially around the ass. But you try not to stare - you feel gross doing so when you catch the guys ogling her when she turns her back to them.
You wonder if they stare at you too when you're training in the gym. Lieutenant Branaugh puts an emphasis on staying fit in case the day comes where you need to chase down criminals or dodge gunshots during a shootout. A significant amount of your day is spent doing paperwork.
But for an hour a day, you do push ups and curl ups and pull ups (in that order) to 98.6 FM or a CD if Chris remembers to bring one down with him.
"Chris," you hear Wesker snap at him, "This music is atrocious. Go get a CD, a good one."
And with an exaggerated huff and the sound of metal weights hitting the hard floor, he does as he's told.
"He's kinda hot," Leah says from next to you while she stretches her calves.
"Who? Chris?"
"Yeah," she says, decidedly.
"You can have him. I'm not into meatheads."
"I'd like to see the head of his meat."
"That's disgusting!"
"Are you going to sit there chatting all day?" Marvin asks. "Or are you going to get in the ring?"
You both shut up and stand up.
There's nothing to fight over, but you can be competitive when you want to be. Leah seems intent on impressing Chris who's half-assing his workout both to stick it to Wesker, who is satisfied by his choosing Made In Heaven, and to watch you and Leah duke it out.
Nobody can resist a little girl-on-girl action. Leah has many things over you - her charm, her beauty, her laugh, and her body when she pins you to the mat. It's one, two, three slaps of her palm against the mat to crown you the loser, but she gets distracted, and only you can see the mask slip because you're staring into her eyes when it happens. You want to drown in her ocean blue eyes. Her pupils widen and then her eyes themselves in response, like she's shocked by her own feelings. And then she shakes herself out of it.
You blink and she's standing again, holding out her hand to help you up. And then, like she was never even there, she's gone, rushing in and out of the locker room so quickly that you don't cross paths despite your lockers being two apart. You, on the other hand, take extra time to consider the possibility that you've hallucinated her existence entirely.
But, does it even matter? 
Leah starts showing up in your dreams. She's the intermission between being completely flunking your math exam and missing your flight to Paris (the recurring stress dreams). One night, you're eating lunch in a cafeteria and she sits across from you. The next, you're at a Halloween party and she wears a sexy cop costume, which is not that far off from her real uniform. It's the third time she shows up that you kiss. It doesn't go any further than that because you wake up to your 7:45 alarm.
What the fuck was that? 
You have a book called The Secret Meanings Behind Your Dreams which was a gag gift from a friend. You flip through the pages and find explanations for dreams about falling, teeth falling out, pregnancy, but none about kissing your coworker. You decide it's better not to dwell on it.
You file the thoughts of her under the category of things that you don’t have the qualifications or the time to psychoanalyze. There’s probably some sort of bullshit Freudian explanation but you have crime to fight (aka paperwork to do).
You’re grateful for the distraction when it approaches you in the Main Hall of the RPD. It's almost the end of your shift when Richard approaches you. Out of all the RPD members, you feel like he's the closest thing to a friend you've got here.
"Do you have any plans this Friday?"
"Work, per usual."
"Well, yeah," he half-laughs, "I do too. But, uh, what about after work?"
"After work, nothing."
"Cool. Brad and I were thinking about seeing a movie and maybe getting drinks, and he also invited Leah, so I think she's coming too."
The mention of Leah makes you perk up. You could give or take the whole going out on the town after a long week of work.
Leah, speaking of Leah, you spot her across the hall, chatting and laughing with Brad and Chris.
"Cool," you say, staring right past Richard.
"So, uh, do you wanna come with?"
"Yeah, sure. Sounds good." It's less an acceptance to his invitation and more giving minimal responses.
Richard says some combination of "cool", "okay", and "see you tomorrow". Or something like that. You wouldn't know because you're barely paying attention to him.
You realize it's a double date when Richard puts his arm around you. You're enthralled with Saving Private Ryan. "It should win Best Picture," you remark later. But it doesn’t. But right now, you try to play off the fact that he startled you with an awkward laugh. The theater is too dark for you to tell if he's blushing or not, but his embarrassed "sorry" says he is. But before he moves away from you, you lean into him, and you swear you can hear him sigh in relief. He's nice. This is nice.
But more importantly, you watched Leah do the same with Brad and she's your leader just as Brad is Richard's.
No, for you, she's your muse. She's the goddess that you pray to. 
When they kiss, you follow suit. He tastes like the buttery popcorn you've both devoured, but it's not bad. It could be worse.
It’s forgettable, washed away by the beer you drink at the dive bar two doors down from the theater. 
"Do you wanna take this back to my place?" Richard asks.
"I would but I have to get up early for church" is the first excuse you can come up with.
Richard seems to believe you, which is most likely because he wants to believe this isn't rejection. "Oh! I didn't know you were religious."
"I am, yeah," you say, and hope the rubber chicken test prepared you for the difficult task of keeping a straight face in a moment like this. You think you notice Leah stifling a laugh across the table because she knows.
But her eyes only flit to yours for a second before Brad asks her the same question.
"I actually have a date to church tomorrow morning," she says, smiling at you.
Brad believes her because he's not the brightest bulb in the bunch. Before the awkwardness permeates too far, they leave together.
"So, church on a Saturday, huh?" Leah asks with a knowing smirk.
Finally, you both exhale the giggles you've been holding in together.
"God," you say, putting your head in your hands, though still laughing, "How long do you think it'll take for them to realize?"
"I dunno." She shrugs and sips her beer. "But hopefully sooner rather than later so I don't have to make up an excuse not to go on a second date."
"No second date for you guys? You seemed to be having a good time back in the movie theater."
She shakes her head. "I was until he started kissing me."
"Bad kisser?"
"Awful. Tongue down my throat and all."
"Ew."
"How about you and Richard?"
You shrug. "He's nice. And his tongue was not down my throat."
"That's good." She leans a little closer, like she's going to reveal a secret to you. "But you don't seem like you like him that much."
"I mean, I like him as a friend."
But nothing more. "Well, I should be going," you say, picking up your purse. "It's getting late, and, as you know, I have church."
"No, you don't." She rolls her eyes. "But you do have brunch."
"I do?"
"Yeah, I'll pick you up around 10:15-10:30? Depending on my hangover."
"Sounds perfect."
You and Leah each devour a plate of waffles in a diner voted Raccoon City's #1 Breakfast Destination '97 according to a poster outside.
"Mm," she ponders the taste of her coffee. "Way better than what the RPD has."
"I'm beginning to think they might just be giving us packets of dirt instead of coffee grounds."
"Where else are they going to put all the dirt they dig up outside?"
"It's so goddamn weird that they have a cemetery. It's like they're expecting us to die."
"I feel like I'm already dead. My head is killing me."
"Mine too. I don't even think I had that much to drink."
"Me neither, and thank god - I wouldn't want to end up in bed with Brad."
"You think you would've gone home with him if you were drunker?"
"Maybe. I tend to make stupid decisions when I'm drunk."
But, so do you - one of which includes playing spin the bottle with the RPD's finest.
"We used to play Kings mostly 'cause no one had a table that we could play beer pong on," Brad says when Chris asks him about high school parties back in his hometown.
"We can play Kings if I can find a deck of cards."
"No, we can't, dumbass, unless you have cans hiding in the back of your fridge," says Forest.
"What do you wanna play, Forest? Spin the bottle?" Chris asks sarcastically.
"I thought spin the bottle was a game made up for movies. I didn't know anyone actually played it," Rebecca chimes in from the corner, holding a soda rather than a beer because she 'felt bad drinking underage' even though Chris offered her one.
"You bet your ass people actually play it," Chris says. "How else would you kiss your crush when you're an awkward 15 year old?"
"Truth or dare," she says with a roll of her eyes to say it should be obvious.
"We could play truth or dare," Brad suggests.
"No, we should play spin the bottle," says Forest.
"If you wanna kiss me that bad you can just ask," Chris says.
"Why don't we play both? Then, if the bottle doesn't decide in Forest's favor, he can dare Chris to kiss him," Jill says.
"I'll remember to pick truth in that case."
You play spin the bottle first, which results in Forest giving Richard a peck on the lips, Richard passing it on to Brad, who goes for more than a peck with Jill, and Jill, pulling swiftly away from him, kisses Leah.
And it comes to Leah who lands on you. Of course she does. The first kiss is chaste, but when you take your turn and the bottle lands on her, it barely falls short of passionate.
The bottle is Leah's again and if it were possible to rig this game you might've believed someone had because it points in your direction.
A collective - and juvenile - "ooh" comes from the group. It's the same one you hear from a classroom of 7th graders when a teacher tells a student they need to "speak to them".
Rebecca, clueless, asks, "What?"
"They have to play 7 minutes in heaven."
"What's 7 minutes in heaven?"
"The two people have to go into a separate room for 7 minutes and they can do whatever they want."
Leah looks at you, you look at her. Hesitant, nervous, and curious.
"My bedroom's down the hall," Chris says, pointing towards it. "No snooping, no stealing, and if you break it, you replace it. Got it?"
"Yes, Officer Redfield," you say sarcastically.
Leah stands up, giving Chris an exaggerated eye roll, and you follow her down the hall. You can hear them whispering their predictions and fantasies about what you'll get up to behind closed doors.
But eventually, the games go on in your absence. You remain unaware as you sit on the edge of Chris' unmade bed next to Leah.
It’s just you and Leah Kennedy in Chris Redfield’s bedroom, the world is still and the lights are low, but you watch a decade fly before your eyes in a single moment. It’s fancy dinners and home-cooked meals, an apartment in the city and a house in the suburbs, the balcony, the backyard, the wedding, the honeymoon, the family portrait. 
"So…" you begin, expecting her to set some sort of ground rules, expecting you'll end up conversing for the duration, maybe giving each other a friendly peck on the cheek. But, she looks at you, her eyes flicker as they quickly run up and down your body, and she takes the leap.
Her lips are soft and sweet with cherry-flavored chapstick, and like Katy Perry, you liked kissing a girl. But, there are no boyfriends to mind, and despite being tipsy and technically still playing by the rules of a game, there is something real about the way she kisses you. It's heated and hungry, urgent due to time constraints. You can't stay in this room all night - not because it's Chris', but because no one can know about this. You can't tell them that when her tongue meets yours it's the first time you enjoy the taste of beer. You can't tell them about how she tucks her bangs behind her ear so they don’t obstruct her view of you when she pushes you onto your back and her hands travel from your waist to your bra and stop when Chris opens the door. Leah is quick to sit back up, to pretend, but not quick enough. He knows, but for whatever reason, he keeps his lips sealed.
When you return with your head down to hide your reddened cheeks, Brad says, "You two must've been having a lot of fun in there since you missed the timer on the microwave going off."
"We just talked," Leah says.
"Uh-huh," he says, "Talked."
"You guys were totally getting it on in there," Forest says.
"I would've paid to see that," Brad says.
"You can admit it," Richard says. "We won't judge."
"There's nothing to admit," you say.
Jill throws you a sympathetic save by announcing, "You missed Rebecca having her first kiss."
"It's not that big of a deal," Rebecca says, timidly.
"Are you saying I'm a bad kisser?" Chris asks.
"I didn't say that."
The group decides to transition to truth or dare, and you're relieved to have the attention taken off of you and Leah. The boys become distracted by the sight of Jill's tits when Brad dares her to flash everyone. You decide to leave before you end up naked.
While you wait for a cab outside, Leah turns to you. "Can you keep what happened between us a secret?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Thanks," she says. "You're a great friend."
A friend. You longed to be accepted for so long, but now the word sounds like rejection. The word taunts you while you struggle to fall asleep.
Just friends. The way you told Leah you felt about Richard after you made up an excuse to not go home with him. 
Leah avoids you at work the next week. No one seems to care except Chris, who asks you privately, "What is up with the two of you? You were going at it in my bed last weekend and now you won't get within 20 feet of each other."
"Nothing. We were just drunk on Saturday, so that whole thing happened, and we've just been busy with separate work this week."
"Uh-huh. You were just drunk? Nothing else going on between you two?"
"That's like asking if you and Rebecca have something going on. We just kissed because we were playing a kissing game."
He doesn't press further, though when he turns to walk away, you call after him, "Wait, Chris…"
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell anyone, though. I don't want them making a big deal out of it."
"I won't."
He keeps his word.
Leah used to eat her lunches with you, you'd both meet in the break room at 12:30 sharp, but now, you sit by yourself. Until Friday, 12:20, you find her sitting across from Jill, talking and laughing.
"Alright, I've gotta get back to work," you hear Jill say before she leaves the room. There's only one exit, so she inevitably crosses paths with you. She's the first person to give you a warm, genuine smile that week. It makes you feel human and real, and it gives you the confidence to talk to Leah.
When she spots you, she hurries to pack her things up and leave.
"Leah," you say. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not."
And you didn't. That's not why she avoids you.
"Then why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not avoiding you." Her shifty eyes and wavering tone give her away - not that it wasn't already obvious.
"Yes, you are."
She looks around the empty room before lowering her voice, "Fine. If I admit it, will you let it go?"
"How can I 'let it go'? We went from making out on Saturday to-"
"I told you not to talk about it."
"You told me not to tell anyone else."
"Same thing. You're just making it worse."
"How?"
"You're reminding me of it, and I don't want to think about it."
"Why? I thought you liked it."
"I did. I like you."
"I like you too."
Her face softens for a second, going from forced agitation to poorly-hidden bashfulness, but ultimately, she looks disheartened. Because you both know this can't happen.
"I wish it were different."
"You wish I didn't like you back?"
"No, I wish this world was different. I wish Raccoon City was different."
"Me too, but why should we let it stop us?"
She sighs, purses her lips, and turns her head. Finally, after a moment of contemplation, she says, "Okay, but we have to keep it quiet. When we're at work, we're just friends." She pauses and her lips curve into a smile. "And tonight, after work, when I take you out to dinner, we can be something more than friends."
"Deal."
She glances towards the door to make sure you're alone and gives you a grin that's almost conspiratorial before kissing you on the cheek.
"That's against the rules!"
"Oops," she says with a shrug.
You sneak a kiss on her cheek to 'get even' and she walks out of the room with an extra pep in her step. You notice her trip on the laces of her combat boots, too far away to hear you stifle a laugh, but you see her shake her head, feeling embarrassed by her stupid mistake despite being alone in the hall. She's not used to being lost in thought like this, not used to liking someone in this way.
That night, you play a mixtape you and a friend made together back in high school when your only problems were silly crushes on boys. You remember her gushing over a guy you thought was mediocre at best while the sound of Kiss Me amplified her giddiness, and you remember how you comforted her when he broke her heart while Linger covered up the sounds of her crying. 
You wish you could call and gush over your date and have her calm your nerves over the phone, but you know you shouldn’t. You could say you were seeing a boy but a lie like that would violate the rules of girl talk. You decide to keep yourself company. 
You drive separately and meet at the restaurant. It's relatively crowded with the typical hustle and bustle of Friday evening downtown.
You split two dishes and Leah pays. Like you, the waiter seems allured by her.
"Before you leave," he says to Leah in a hushed voice as if you can't hear what he's saying from across the table. "I just wanted to let you know that you're very beautiful."
"Thanks," she mumbles with a half-smile. Polite, but nothing else lies behind it. No desire.
"And," he continues. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."
"No thanks, I'm unavailable."
"Oh? Where's your boyfriend on this fine Friday night?"
"No boyfriend."
He doesn't quite get it. Not until she reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze when she takes it in hers. She smiles at you, warm, and then at him, proud.
"Oh, so that's how it is," he says, and you can almost hear the roll of his eyes. "Well, I left my number on the check, so you can call me once you're done 'experimenting'."
Her face turns sour while her eyes remain on him, softening when she meets yours. You walk out hand-in-hand now that you're beyond the point of hiding. Most people pay no mind, thoroughly absorbed in themselves and their dinners.
You take the bottle of wine to go, since you each had only a glass at dinner as neither of you planned to drive home drunk on anything but each other. You're grateful that Leah invites you to share the rest at her apartment since you didn't bother tidying yours. It's better she comes over when the floor of your bedroom is visible, and not covered in a layer of dirty clothes.
Her house is neat and minimalist to a degree that makes you think it's always this way. Her wardrobe, which mainly consists of multi-purpose basics - white t-shirts, blue jeans, and an array of leather jackets - lives on a single-rod stand-alone clothing rack. With her level of organization, she doesn't need to hide all of her things behind a closet door.
You are the only thing she hides. 
But when you enter her bedroom together, she keeps the lights on. She wants to see all of you, to know you. She wants to put your picture in a locket and let you dangle around her neck, swinging like the pendulum of a clock in time with her heartbeat.
You unravel under her touch slowly and then all at once. She kisses you from your lips to your core with meticulous reverence and savors your taste. When you struggle to catch your breath, she holds you like you're bleeding out and your dying words are sacred to her.
Leah teaches you how to return the favor by letting you practice. It is a hands-on lesson. By the time you fall asleep, your lips are wine-dark and barely tired. She holds you close to her heart like a rosary while you sleep soundly.
You roll out of bed stealthily and search her kitchen for breakfast. There isn't much. She seems regimented in most areas of her life and health-conscious. There is a disappointing lack of Lucky Charms cereal in her cupboards. There is a carton of eggs, so you scramble a few for you both. You brew coffee too.
"Something smells good." You hear Leah's voice from the hallway before she appears in the kitchen. She wraps her arms around you, hugging you from behind.
"I took the liberty of making us both breakfast. I hope you don't mind."
"No, of course not. In fact, I could get used to this."
You take a sip of your coffee before you decide, "It's better than the kind they keep in the RPD break room."
"I think anything is."
You try to kiss her and she turns her head. You fear she'll claim the night before was a drunken mistake - it would be the same lie you told to Chris. Obvious in a way that makes it more infuriating than saddening. But she doesn't.
"Mm-mm," she says, shaking her head. "When I said anything is better than the RPD coffee, I didn't mean my morning breath."
"I don't care," you say with a smile and lean in again to kiss her.
She laughs when she playfully pushes you away. "At least let me brush my teeth before you kiss me."
"Fine," you concede and settle for kissing her on the cheek the way you do when no one is looking at work. Even in locker rooms you have to be vigilant. You doubt Jill or Rebecca would say anything unless you were doing something truly salacious. But it isn't unheard of for one of the guys to take a trip through the women's locker room under the guise of "hearing something suspicious" or "accidentally walking in there", sometimes without any excuse at all if it's Irons who has done this on multiple occasions.
Your secret relationship makes you feel like teenagers sneaking around behind their parents' backs. And like teenagers, you both can't wait to grow up and break free of the rules that hold you back from being together. But, you live under the tyranny of societal norms that you can't outgrow on your own.
Not when you have Brad and Richard who find you in the previously-unoccupied hallway.
"It's only a kiss. It's not a big deal."
"Not here."
"No one's going to see us."
But they do.
"I should've known you two were a couple," Brad says.
"Yeah, a couple of dykes," Richard says.
They laugh like bullies on a playground. You thought they would have learned by now. Aren't you supposed to get wiser with age? You're too stunned to say anything for a moment, but you make a conscious effort not to look at Leah. Not yet.
"What's going on over here?" Forest says, peeking around the corner.
"We just discovered there have been two queers hiding among us," Richard says as if he's speaking about foreign spies or ghosts.
"Yeah, they were totally getting it on out here," Brad says.
"Aw, I can't believe I missed the action. Could you give us a little replay?" Forest points at you two like he's the director of a porno.
"Go take your sorry ass to the video rental across the street if you want something to watch," Leah says with unwavering confidence.
Yours wavers. You never got the thick skin they promised you. You put all your strength into holding back tears. Something else burns behind Leah's eyes, though, you can see it. Her icy blue eyes somehow hold fire. 
"Wow, a feisty bitch," Forest says, "or should I say butch?"
All her training led to this moment, but you step out of the ring in fear.
"Sorry I get more pussy than you, Forest," Leah says. She wouldn't normally engage them like this. It's personal. It's you.
"Shit. Pretty good one," says Brad.
"Ugly bitches usually have some brains, so it makes sense," says Forest.
It feels like middle school until it becomes physical. Richard pushes Leah, so she hits him in the nose hard enough to make him bleed. Forest lays his hands on her and likely knowing that she can't take all of them at once, especially when you're standing by in shock rather than fighting beside her like you should be (a thought you only have later), she pulls her gun on him.
Chris, who has won every sharpshooting contest STARS has held since he joined, hears the commotion and runs in with his own gun trained on Leah.
"Put the gun down now," he says.
And terrified, she points it at him.
They both stare each other down for long enough for you to draw yours and fire it because you know if he shoots her, he won't miss. 
You would kill for Leah. 
The bullet hits no one but the picture of Brad on a poster that hangs on various walls of the RPD. Which would be kind of funny if that's what you meant to hit.
Leah turns to you in shock which allows Chris to easily disarm her, knocking her gun out of her hand and kicking it out of her reach. His gun is aimed at you now. He can shoot you and get away with it, and he knows it. His finger hovers over the trigger but something in him holds him back.
"Put the gun on the ground or I will shoot you," he warns you instead.
You put it down and hold your arms above your head. All five of you are placed in separate rooms. There are not enough interrogation rooms to hold you all, nor are there enough cops that are not involved in the situation. Each of you is placed in handcuffs, but you are first. You never thought your handcuffs would end up around your own wrists.
You should be arrested. For once, you are grateful for the way Chris pities you.
"I wasn't going to shoot," is the first thing he says when he walks in. The second is, "you're lucky your aim sucks".
"I really thought you were going to kill her, and I was just scared. I swear, I'm not like that, usually."
"I know. And that's why you're not going to jail." He pauses before adding, "But you're handing in your gun and badge."
Everyone else gets a slap on the wrist. You wonder if it's a literal slap when you see Brad walk out of the interrogation room looking like he's on the verge of tears, but you find out from Leah that the combined interrogation of Chris and Jill will scare you straight.
"Pun intended?" you ask.
"No," she says, but a hint of a smile peeks through.
She tells you that she hates goodbyes before she hugs you. You open your driver's side door and she stops you.
"Wait," she says, and you turn to face her one last time. "Before you go, I wanted to tell you that I… I lo-"
"I know," you say, cutting her off. "Don't say it."
You climb into your car, but before closing the door, you say, "but just so you know, I would've said it back."
The sunset doesn't look as beautiful when you drive off into it alone.
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