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aliceslantern · 5 years

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Beyond this Existence, chapter 16

Summary: After Xehanort's death, Demyx finds himself unexpectedly human in Radiant Garden. With nothing but fragments of his past and a cryptic statement from Xemnas, he's left to figure out who he is. When Ienzo asks for his help with a project, the two find common ground, but the trauma and secrets in both of their pasts could tear it apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post-KH3 canon compliant

Read it on FF.net/ on AO3

----

Excerpt of an audio recording from device 5.875.32.852 (admin is registered as EVEN [surname REDACTED]. Transcription programs recognize the speaking voice of the admin as well as one other distinct voice. Transcription errors due to colloquialisms, slang, accent, muffled speech, etc. are acknowledged and will be used in further evolutions of this program.

Recording commences at 16:03.

--I hope you do not mind that I am recording this. I assure you any we can redact any exceedingly personal information. This is for my edification only. I would never dream of letting it fall into unsavory hands.

--Uh. Sure.

--Can you state your name and age in its entirety?

--Yeah. I’m [birth name and surname REDACTED]. I still go by Demyx. I’m twenty-two.

--That’s your name? That’s not what I thought.

--Yeah, well. It seems like I’m full of surprises. I don’t care who knows it, but it doesn’t seem to fit right anymore. You know?

--I suppose. So. Can you tell me what you remember, as far back as you can, as comfortably as you can?

--I’ll try.

----

These memories don’t feel like mine.

It’s weird. I guess it’s more like I’m reading a book, or watching a movie.

“It” started, if by it you mean all this Keyblade crap, when I was five. I was my parents’ only kid. We were broke. Like, squatting and going to soup kitchens broke. There were the early days, when the Foretellers--the five chosen ones or whatever--were just building their unions and preaching about their ideas in the plaza. I’m honestly not sure if they were the first wielders, but they were definitely the ones that made it a thing, That promised this as the way to seek the light.

Heartless started coming--from the future, or so they said in the square. We needed a way to defend ourselves. So they started testing people for worthiness. Kids were always easier. Less corrupt. More full of light.

More manipulable.

They said they would take the kids from more troubled circumstances, and give them what they needed to survive. In my parents’ eyes, food and a place to live. The luckier ones could stay at home. So that caused a big influx of poor people sending their kids in to be tested and trained. While some of the better off ones saw it as a sign of honor, everyone else wanted to keep their kids safe. Even the ones with Keyblades were dying.

My parents figured Heartless were better than me starving to death. So they sent me, by myself, for the test.

The older ones could pick their unions, but the real little ones like me they chose a more “organic” approach. They take you inside, and there the Foretellers are with a little table of five toys. Apparently picking one shows some intrinsic quality they’re looking for, or whatever. I got chosen to be in Ursus. And just like that, my mom and dad hugged me goodbye and left me there.

It was hard. Physically, mentally. I missed my parents. The training was grueling, and it hurt. But whenever I would cry or get upset either Master Aced or one of the older kids would tell me to be quiet. Because I was lucky. And I had a chance to be something.

But you see, Even, it doesn’t matter how lucky I was. I was still getting razzed by Heartless, getting thrown in and out of time to these worlds, getting reprimanded for bunging off quests or not getting enough lux. I got kicked out of a few parties for that. Making friends wasn’t so easy when I got a reputation for being a crybaby and a coward, even though I was six or seven.

I still tried to see my parents when I got a chance. They moved around a lot. Dad tried to get steady work a few times, but I think he had some kind of mental illness or something, and he could never be on time, or do what he was told, or get out of bed, so they lost their apartments a lot. Mom was a street musician, and she took in students sometimes, but it wasn’t enough money.

She taught me, too.

Compared to Keyblade stuff, music was so easy. I was so good at it. Knowing I wasn’t terrible at everything gave me strength to go on. I had a way to take all the bad feelings, all the nightmares, and make something beautiful out of it.

I tried to quit the union.

You wouldn’t believe the telling off Master Aced gave me. “Why was I ashamed of my heritage”. “Why wasn’t I doing my part.” “What did I think I would become otherwise, I came from the gutter.” It was devastating. Without the Keyblade, they said, I was worthless. I didn’t want to believe that was true.

As the years passed, and this all kept happening, I tried to study music on the side. That’s when I started keeping the diary. I wrote these weird avant-garde compositions, but that wasn’t enough to salve the pain. So I wrote how I felt, and if anybody found it, I’d just say it was nonsense. But nobody did, though. During that time the tensions between the unions started to grow, mostly over who was getting the most light. Kids were fighting in the streets. Killing each other’s Chirithys--that’s how I lost mine. Even the most legendary parties fell apart. People were still dying.

One of these days, when I was almost seventeen, I was going back to the dorms after another quest. Master Ava--Vulpes’s leader--stopped me. She said she’d heard about me, and I braced myself for another lecture like the ones Aced liked to give. But it was my focus on the bigger picture of my life she liked, she said. She wanted me to join a special union she was building.

The Dandelions.

The reason she built this union was because she feared there would soon be war between the others, and that war would escalate to apocalyptic proportions. Remember, we’d all been training for years at that point, we all had way overpowered magic--even me. But because we had no foresight as to anything other than collecting lux, nobody could see the consequences of fighting.

She was going to take this special union, and she was going to teach us how to escape this world altogether, just to make sure somebody survived.

I know you’re probably dying to know how we did it, but I honestly can’t remember. It was some kind of spell, for sure. I know that each of us cast it, and we were all supposed to go together. But it’s one of those things too slippery and powerful to hold onto for long. Not to mention, this travel was supposed to wipe our memories of the trauma and give us a fresh start. So she said.

The war started earlier than expected. The only reason I went to the battle was to find the other Dandelions so we could leave. But I’m not sure if I missed a memo or something. They were gone. Then again, there were so many bodies that had been just so completely fucking destroyed that they could have been some of these people.

…

[Audio muffled or indiscernible; external knowledge of social cues suggests emotional distress.]

People were just fucking killing each other. They… they tried to kill me, too. I remember Keyblades hitting my armor and I panicked. And I guess instinctively I cast the spell and got out. Got somewhere, or I guess some when is the better word. I ended up in the same place, just later, surrounded by all these rusting Keyblades, my memories completely cleaved and running through my fingers like sand. I remember that, feeling it all drain away like a dream.

That’s when Xemnas found me. When things started to hurt. The shock and the armor made it hard to tell, but someone had stabbed me clean through the chest.

He was nice to me, too. He said he’d been waiting for me and that I was going to be okay. He could give me purpose. My wounds would heal.

I died, and Demyx was born. Memory-free.

You know the rest.

End recording, duration--25:17.

----

“Goodness gracious. ” Like a child listening to their favorite story, he’d been leaning forward attentively. He’d even started recording it on his gummiphone, which Demyx initially felt was a violation of his privacy. But considering how close-lipped Vexen had always been about his experiments, he knew, if anything, his words would be safe in Even’s hands. “This is a window into our history.”

“Yours, maybe.”

“You simply must tell me more about these Foretellers. How is this organization structured? What was their training regimen like? Who was their leader--did they have a leader?”

“It's a lot to talk about." His throat was dry from talking for so long.

Even exhaled. He paused the recording. “I suppose you’re right. Of course you must be very tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I would say so.”

A beat of silence.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” Even said. “I realize… it is not easy. Especially given our past relationship.”

“Like you said. Forgiveness.”

He nodded once, curtly. “Would you like something to help you sleep?”

“I think I’ll be okay. But thanks.”

“Well. Don’t get too used to it.”

Demyx looked at him. He didn’t know how else to be kind, Demyx realized. It must take immense effort. “Wake me up if anything changes with Ienzo,” he said. “Please.”

“You can be sure of it.”

----

The next several days, he felt utterly hollow. Demyx slept a lot. This was a sort of mental exhaustion. He was afraid to stray too far away from Ienzo’s side, but his condition remained unchanged. Guilt clung to him. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. He cleaned his room, which took all of ten minutes considering his lack of possessions. Did laundry. Found a couple books to read which weren’t half bad. It was a toxic combination of boredom and stagnation. At the end of the first week of this, Dilan asked him to come play cards.

“I figure you could use a bit of a diversion,” he said. He offered a smile.

“I guess I’m being pretty pathetic, huh,” Demyx said. He forced a laugh.

“Given the circumstances? No. But wallowing must be horrifically boring.”

Dilan’s quarters were even smaller than Even’s. He and Aeleus shared a sitting room and kitchenette. A faint smell of garlic lingered in the room, along with something like eucalyptus. He had a small herb garden, each one meticulously cared for. Near this was a pile of puzzle boxes.

Dilan took out a pack of cards. Demyx sat gingerly on the couch. It was less stern than the other furniture, a bit more comfortable, a soft velor that felt good to touch. He was becoming increasingly reliant on the tactile to stay grounded. He didn’t know if this was one of his myriad issues, or an effect of being overwhelmed.

Dilan crossed to a small glass cabinet. “Would you like a drink?”

“God. Yes.”

He poured them each a few fingers of whiskey into small crystal glasses. It burned when Demyx sipped it, but he liked it. “What shall we play? It’s a shame we’ve no third. I’d rather have liked to play Blackjack.”

“It’s not like I have anything to bet.”

“Too, too true.”

They settled on Hearts. Demyx didn’t know what to say to Dilan. After winning the first game, Dilan got them another drink.

“I’m not sure how I feel about your newfound reticence,” Dilan said. “It’s so odd, to see how humanity has changed you youth.”

“How so?”

“You were hardly ever so reserved. Ienzo was never so friendly. You should have heard him, chattering away to Sora. ...I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me. To hear his name. Either of them, I mean.” He felt only a shadow of the ping of anxiety he got when thinking about Sora. Of course, knowing what he knew now, it made sense that Sora’d had to strike him down. Psychically, there were bigger fish to fry.

“You’ve got a focus to you. An intensity. It’s like you’re more present.”

“I don’t feel very present.”

“Well. We’ve all received some shocks recently.”

The alcohol was making him warm and a little dizzy. Demyx wasn’t sure whether or not he liked the sensation. He slipped off his shoes and pulled his feet up under him. “Why did you become an apprentice?”

Dilan thought for a moment, shuffled his cards, and then drank down the remainder of his whiskey in one swallow. “Why indeed,” he muttered. “I was only a boy at the time, a bit younger than yourself. I needed something to do with my life. I’d always liked creating things. Building things. Ansem had passed some initiatives to make Radiant Garden a haven for the sciences. I applied to study engineering under him, and was accepted.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” He chuckled. “Why did you choose to become a Keyblade wielder?”

“I didn’t,” Demyx said. “It chose me. I was poor. Being a wielder was pretty much the only way to survive.”

“I abhor such economies,” Dilan said sourly. “I cannot understand how some leaders will let their charges suffer for basic human rights.”

“I can’t really have a realized perspective of it. I was still a kid when I left.”

“What will you do now?”

“What will I… do?” Demyx repeated numbly. “Frankly, I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

“You and I both.”

He continued to pet the velor. He was feeling dizzier still, and heavy. “I want to be with Ienzo,” he said. “And I want to make friends. Real ones. But I don’t know where I’d fit.”

“What’s that old adage? “Be yourself?””

“Hasn’t exactly worked in the past.”

“It is a theory of mine that becoming a Nobody worsens one’s flaws and insecurities.” Dilan poured them another drink. “Our personalities devolved and repelled. Fed by darkness. Take your time. Be honest. That’s all.”

Demyx picked up the crystal cup and swirled the amber liquid around a little. “I guess.”

“What about that guitar of yours?”

“Sitar?”

“Yes. That.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I’ll find out.”

---

The next day, it sleeted. The echo of the splotches of snow piling up outside was audible within the confines of the castle. Demyx went to the library, armed with a cup of coffee. He lit a fire in the hearth. Once it was large enough to tend to itself, he sat down cross legged in front of it.

For some reason he was nervous. This was akin to stage fright. He’d much rather be worthy of Arpeggio than the stupid Keyblade.

Demyx held out his hands and pulled from within. The Keyblade appeared. He sighed. “I don’t want you,” he muttered. Let it disappear. He remembered the way the sitar had felt, the perfect weight of it, the smooth varnished wood.

Keyblade again. Demyx had to resist the urge to just toss the damn thing. He stared down at it. Traced the smooth shaft, twisted the links of the chain.

“Please,” he said to it. “I don’t want to fight. I just want--”

Not to be an idiot talking to an inanimate object?

Vanishing. Reappearing. It didn’t matter how long he thought about his Nobody memories, of all the music he’d ever made with Arpeggio. Of the fights or occasionally lack thereof.

“Are you mad at me?” Demyx asked out loud. “I didn’t ask for this to all happen.”

Hadn’t he?

Oh, we do too have hearts. Don’t be mad.

“Shut up,” he hissed at himself.

The fire popped as a log settled, startling him.

“Is it because I’m not him anymore?” he continued. “I’m still the sa-- no. I’m not.”

Demyx lay back on the plush carpet.

Remembering death was not easy. Doubly hard now that he knew it wasn’t the first time he’d been slain with Keyblades. Some of them were sharp, most blunt. You’d crush your ribs before you drew blood. Which was what happened. He rested his palm on the spot were the scars were.

Sora, Donald, Goofy. So much rage. Realization that this was a murder-suicide. He was able to pin Sora twice before the pain was too much. Before fading. Before waking up. Before Braig, with a soft smile, and a boy with silver hair, and a hot stab to the chest. What would have happened, really, if he hadn’t been turned into a vessel? What would he have done? Run away? Spent his life friendless, unloved and alone?

Without Ienzo?

He needed connections. Without them he could never hope to be whole--at least, figuratively. He had to do better. To be better. But how? Fancy displays of heroism were functionally worthless if there was no real intent behind them.

Demyx stood. Despite it all, he sort of had an idea.

----

The winter coat he had was warm enough, but it was not quite waterproof, and by the time he’d waded through the slop he was damp and chilly. When he reached the door of the committee’s headquarters, though, a knot of anxiety overrode his physical discomfort. Demyx stood for several moments at the door as wet snow piled on his hat, unsure of what to say. Several times he reached up to knock and withdrew his hand. He had barely placed his palm on the doorknob before it opened of its own accord.

“‘Could’ve finished War and Peace in the time it took you to make up your mind,” a middle-aged blond man said gruffly. “Come on in, kid.” He was smoking a cigarette, and its smell mixed with the ambient woodsmoke. “Don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Cid.” He offered his hand. “Saw you unconscious, but I don’t think you remember that.”

“Not--exactly--” Demyx shook his hand.

“Let me take your jacket before you get snow everywhere.” He took the wet garments and hung them on a coat rack.

“It’s warm in here,” Demyx said, half in wonder. He was so used to the drafty castle that he’d forgotten what adequate heating felt like.

Cid raised an eyebrow. “‘Course it is.”

“It’s, um, the castle. Heating’s not very good.”

“I imagine it wouldn’t be.”

A beat passed. Demyx felt his anxiety rising and floundered for things to say.

“I’m guessing you’re here for Aerith?” Cid asked. He stubbed out the cigarette in an ashtray.

“Well. Sort of. I want to help.”

“With what,” he said blankly.

“Anything. I mean I--” Demyx could feel himself turning red.

“In the middle of winter?”

He bit his lip and looked down.

Cid chuckled. “I’m messing with you, kid. We’re always happy to have an extra pair of hands. Any of ya’ll got a sense of humor over there?”

“Let’s just say it’s been a tough week,” Demyx said.

“I’ll say. Weather’s been driving us mad. I finally kicked out Yuffie and Leon to get some peace and quiet.”

“...Er. Sorry about that.”

He shrugged. “I’m sure one or both of them will be back soon. They know a bit more about the operations stuff than I do. Why don’t you have a seat?”

Demyx perched in one of the folding chairs. Cid sat back down at a computer and began absently writing code. He wondered if he should say something. Anything. Ask questions. He kept his hands knotted in his lap.

A door he hadn’t noticed previously opened, and out came Aerith, drying her hands on a towel. “Demyx? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Fine--well, enough. I’m here to help.”

She crossed over a plant on the table and cut off a few of its leaves. “Can’t do a whole lot in the winter other than plan, unfortunately.”

“What are you doing with those?”

“Making medicine.” She nodded her head towards the other room. “Want to see?”

He followed her. It was a small, narrow room, with a cot up against one wall. The other wall was lined with cabinets and some counter space. A few different types of dried leaves and blooms were stuffed in the myriad little drawers. She took the leaves, scattered them into mortar. To Demyx, the mix looked like a salad more than a medicine. She crushed it down, whispered a spell, and then with an odd little device began packing it into capsules. “Pectin,” she explained. “Goes down easier than the raw leaves. And doesn’t get stuck in your throat.” She held up the tiny pill so he could see.

“What does it do?” Demyx asked.

“Cold cure,” she said simply. “We need lots of it this time of year. And colds always change. I’m forever tweaking it.”

A memory he hadn’t fully process washed in. He’d never been the best fighter in any of his parties, often left to provide background support. The spells then he’d used had been barbaric in comparison, but at least it kept people alive.

“When did you learn how to do all this stuff?” he asked. He was feeling odd.

“Oh, ever since I was a kid,” she said. “My mom and grandma before me were healers. They sorta taught me what I know now. And I’m also teaching myself.”

“Do you think it’s possible for someone else to learn?”

She crushed more herbs. “I’m sure it is. It’s magic like anything else.”

“What about--say--me?”

Aerith turned slightly. She appraised him.

“I’ve been wanting to help people and I don’t know how. You saved me. You saved Ienzo. I can’t do science, and I’m not a good fighter. But I have a good memory.” He considered the irony of that statement. But he’d always been good at memorizing.

“It’s a long road. This isn’t something you can do halfway. People’s lives could be at stake. But you know that.” She smiled a little. Tapped her forehead. “You’ve been through a lot in your life. Seen a lot of suffering.”

“Haven’t we all,” he said dryly.

“That’s… right.” She dusted off her hands. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, or believe you can do it. But you’ve gotta have a certain kind of tenacity. An ingenuity. Tell you what. Why don’t you read some base healing theory? There’s no way Ansem doesn’t have books about it. If that doesn’t send you running for the hills, we can talk.” She winked.

Demyx nodded. “Okay. Sounds good.”

“Good luck.”

He stood.

“Was that the answer you needed?” she asked.

“I think it was.”

----

A week or so passed. He tried to do what Aerith said, and study. But Demyx had never been the most studious, and almost everything he learned sans the very basics he’d learned in the field. He spent these minutes and hours alternating between the text and the dictionary. Why were academics such bad writers?

Sometimes he studied near Ienzo, sometimes he didn’t. Ienzo slept and slept and slept. Demyx could feel the utter lack of presence like a missing tooth. Honestly, being around him and not being able to talk to him was nearly painful.

During one of these marathon reading sessions, Even came in to check Ienzo’s vitals, as he did several times each day. “EKG activity is still fairly limited. But improving. He must be dreaming.”

“About what?” Demyx asked.

“I’ve no idea. ...What is that?” He reached town and felt at Demyx’s temperature. “Are you quite alright?”

Demyx sighed, marked his place in the book, and shut it. “I’m studying. Sue me.”

“But why?”

He drummed his fingers on the desk. “You’re just going to make fun of me.”

“I will… not,” Even said with great restraint.

Demyx raised an eyebrow.

“I must admit I am still getting used to the new you. Tell me. I will withhold judgement.”

“I’m thinking of learning to heal. Like. The magic.” He braced himself.

Even didn’t laugh. “Really? Why is that?”

“I want to help people. And this seems like something I can actually do.” He sighed. “I hate feeling helpless. If I can help someone not feel that way, it’d be nice. You know.”

“I admit I never put much stock in such magic initially. But seeing how that woman has cared for the two of you, I’m starting to change my mind.”

“Do you think I can do it?”

Even considered this. “You had a fairly potent magical ability in the Organization. I don’t see why not.”

“You don’t think I’m too stupid?”

He scowled. “I find it stupid that you hold my opinion in such high esteem.” Then, softening. “As you said. You’re not a scientist. But that really has little to do with practical intelligence.” He picked up the tome. “I’d be glad to help you, should you so want it. These aren’t exactly light reading. It’d be convenient to have another pair of hands.” He picked up another bag of saline. “Well. If you’re so interested, I might as well teach you how to do this much.” He showed Demyx how to change the IV and how to take base vitals. “I’m hoping we won’t need to do this for too much longer. But that’s all up to him.” Even patted Ienzo’s head.

“I miss him.” He felt tears in his eyes.

“As do I,” Even said softly. “Come. Are you hungry?”

---

The more Demyx studied, the more his memories became clearer. In those first shocked days, it had been hard to focus on any memory for very long. Now, not so much.

He’d been a healer then, but not a very good one. He’d still been a coward. More than once someone had gotten egregiously hurt because he hadn’t been willing to step up. He’d been kicked out of multiple parties that way.

He didn’t want to be a coward. It was time to be mature; a grown up. Deal with grown up things in a grown up way. Don’t run. Face it. The hurt will be over that much faster.

For the first time, he tried to summon the Keyblade because he wanted to. But that wasn’t what happened. Instead of cool metal, there was warm, varnished wood. Familiar. Well-worn. He held the sitar tenderly. Cried a bit out of relief.

He was still, despite it all, himself.

#beyond this existence #demyx #even #dilan #aerith #i don't think it's fair to tag ienzo bc he's barely in this chapter

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turkishsource · 5 years

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hi there

Hello dear! I just posted a Dilan gifset, I hope you like it! And sorry for the delay. :(

Admin J.

#Anonymous #ask #request

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providencepeakrp · 6 months

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Hey! Help a new member out, will you? I'm torn between Abigail Cowen, Sofia Carson or Phoebe Tonkin, who will you like to see the most? I'm open to some wc suggestions too! Thank you!

This is such a good question — is the answer any of them too vague? For a more specific admin answer, we feel like Sofia Carson and Phoebe Tonkin would fit in best with the group regarding the general age of most of Providence Peak's citizens and resources available. Abigail Cowen, though we absolutely adore her, would be tough because of the resource age guideline, you would need to be careful not to use any gifs from projects filmed before she turned 21, which would likely limit an already limited pool to choose from.

That being said, here are some wanted connections that Phoebe Tonkin and/or Sofia Carson could fit:

Aslihan's Past Short-Term Fling/Ex-Something

Elijah and Roman's Former Bandmate ( Phoebe only )

Jeanie Prabhakar's College Roommate/Best Friend

Dilan Barak's Best Friend

Wesley Kennedy's Secret Half-Sibling ( Phoebe only )

Emeline Cormier's 23andMe Siblings ( Phoebe only )

We also have heard some other connection ideas rattling around, so if any members have a wanted connection they haven't submitted yet, feel free to mention it below!

#city rp #oc rp #town rp #sofia carson #phoebe tonkin #answered

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lunarcovehq · 1 year

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Don’t Dream It’s Over - THE PAIRINGS

There's a battle ahead. Many battles are lost. But you'll never see the end of the road while you're traveling with me… Hey now, hey now. Don't dream it's over.

Below is a breakdown of all of the nightmares characters now find themselves in written out in the form of a prompt. We hope that these pairings can be a way you can write with someone you may not have otherwise and, as we mentioned below, you can still feel free to continue all of your previous threads. These nightmare threads are designed to help build muse and connections, but you can still continue to write out any previous threads you may have had before this.

NIGHTMARE #1: HAUNTED BY YOU

Trigger Warnings: Death tw, Murder tw

Players: Paloma ( @lunadefresa ) & Azra ( @moonsongchorus ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Esen ( @esendemirtas )

Prompt: Esen, Paloma and Azra all open their eyes to find themselves standing within the Styx Passage Cemetery. There is mist all around them and, as Paloma and Azra call out to each other, Azra realizes she can no longer speak to her husband. His ghost is no where to be found and she seems to have lost contact with him. Devastated and confused, they find their way to Esen who is distracted by her brother who is standing before her, very much alive. Rather than being a vampire, Esen is once again 'a witch' who appears to have found a way to bring her brother back to life using dark magic. Only her brother didn't want to come back. He's furious at Esen for forcing him to return to the land of the living and even more so for being the one responsible for killing him to begin with.

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Dilan Selvi ( @moonsongchorus ). When Dilan enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Azra will need to accept a reality in which her husband is dead. Esen will need to face the guilt she has for her brother's death and Paloma will need to confront how her humanity makes her feel helpless and how she can't always help her friends. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come - please notify an admin when you have gotten to this stage).

NIGHTMARE #2: WHO LET THE WOLVES OUT

Trigger Warnings: Death tw, Murder tw, Blood tw

Players: Safiye ( @moonglowmagic ) & Shay ( @selcnophile) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Kitty ( @pitymisskitty )

Prompt: Kitty, Shay and Safiye all open their eyes to find themselves standing on the Town Green in the dead of night. Kitty is in her full wolf-form in the center of the grassy knoll surrounded by a number of towns people all dead. Blood stains her fur. Kitty is stuck as a wolf and on the attack, while Shay and Safiye, two werewolves who are also not part of the pack, are left to make a choice. Either they can transform to save themselves or stay a human and die at Kitty's hands.

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Billie Fitz ( @swimmingwiththefitzes ). When Billie enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #3: HAPPY DEATH DAY

Trigger Warnings: Death tw, Murder tw, Blood tw, Violence tw

Players: Frankie (@lunadefresa), Nico (@nicocastillo) & Ben ( @readbentweenthelines ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Bri ( @cantfightmoonlight )

Prompt: Bri, Frankie, Nico and Ben all open their eyes to find themselves back at the Ren Faire. Only the Ren Faire they find themselves in is a deserted and twisted version of their own imagination. As they wander around the empty fairgrounds, they can't seem to find another person in sight and, yet, as Bri turns on her heels an axe seems to fling through the air, penetrating deep into her back. Rather than being a vampire, Bri quickly realizes that in this nightmare she is all too human. The others rush to Bri's side in an attempt to save her only for Bri to die and the nightmare to reset. Now Bri opens her eyes and spins around to face Nico who has just stabbed her with a lance. Next, Frankie pulls Bri out of the way of the lance only to inadvertently push her down the well. The cycle will repeat again and again Happy Death Day style. Bri is always human. Sometimes, she's being hunted by a mysterious force, sometimes she's dying final destination style. While other times it is Frankie, Nico and Ben who are accidentally killing her. But, one way or another, they have to watch her die repeatedly unable to stop it or save her.

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Rangi Hira ( @faerietothe-otherside ). When Rangi enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #4: THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE

Trigger Warnings: Fire tw, Death tw, Murder tw

Players: Chai( @cantfightmoonlight ) & Reese ( @crescentcrowd ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Efe ( @firefighterxefe )

Prompt: Efe opens his eyes to find himself standing in front of a burning Magnolia Inn. The firefighter rushes into attempt to save Chai who he can hear calling out to Reese from outside. Chai is trapped in a room in the Inn. Meanwhile located in the lobby is a distraught Reese whose trying to stop the fire having the knowledge that she was the one to start it, but is unable to reverse the damage she's already caused.

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Anna Donnelly ( @moonsongchorus ). When Anna enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (

more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #5: THE GAME SHOW

Trigger Warnings: Death tw, Murder tw

Players: Meena ( @cantfightmoonlight finds herself trapped in a nightmare crafted for Kadir ( @moonsongchorus ) being orchestrated by Theo ( @theodorexmoore )

Prompt: Kadir opens his eyes to find himself standing in an empty Pendulum Playhouse with Theo up on the stage. Behind Theo are two doors with two names engraved on them. One says 'Meena' and the other says 'James'. Theo acting as a Game Show Host will present Kadir with two options- Kadir can choose to save James and regain his mortality. He will be human again and they can live out their days together. Or Kadir can choose to remain a vampire and save Meena. But, if he chooses to save James, Meena will die and vice a versa. The choice is his.

Help is not on the way: With Theo being in this nightmare and being the one to help orchestrate all of the nightmares with Kyle, no fae will be able to enter or help Kadir or Meena. The dream will not end until Kadir makes a choice.

NIGHTMARE #6: THE WITCH HUNT

Players: Nesrim ( @conjvred ), Poppy ( @moonglowmagic ), Alyssa (@moonglowmagic) & Linden ( @linden-reed ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Briar ( @briarreed )

Prompt: Briar finds herself in the Poison Room having to leave the Coven Headquarters after she is surrounded by angry witches. She, in this dream, is the Supreme instead of Poppy. She won the trials and now has to cope with how she is failing as a leader and everyone in the coven hates her/wants her overthrown. Poppy, Alyssa and Linden rush to Briar's side in an attempt to help the youngest of the family only to realize that no one seems to want Poppy as the Supreme either, being happy that she is no longer their leader. The entire coven has turned on the Reeds wanting to chase them out of town. Meanwhile, Nesrim has once again lost the trials of Supreme. The ancestors refuse to acknowledge her despite everyone in the Coven wanting her as leader instead.

Help is not on the way: Currently all of the fae are preoccupied with other dreams at the moment. You'll have to wait until a fae has managed to free all of the individuals of their assigned nightmare to come and help you. But, in the meantime, you will have the chance to free yourself by coming to terms with your fears. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #7: HIGHWAY TO HELL

Trigger Warnings: Car Crash tw, Death tw, Murder tw, Amnesia tw, Suicide tw

Players: Rohan ( @rohanxpersaudx ), Ken ( @kenxmatsui ) & Kotaro ( @xbigxbadxmatsuix ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Jonah ( @jonahxrivas )

Prompt: Jonah and Rohan decide to get out of town. The pair are in a car together speeding towards the town border. Jonah, despite knowing he'll lose his memories, has decided to leave Lunar Cove with Rohan who promised to live a human life with him, only Rohan isn't ready to give up his magic just yet. As they speed over the town border, a wolf darts out of nowhere and the car ends up spinning off the road, having collided with the wolf in the process. Rohan pulls himself out of the car to find Jonah laying out in the road, barely hanging on. The wolf they hit was Kotaro Matsui, Ken's brother. Ken, witnessing the crash, speeds over. Rohan now has the choice- they can perform dark magic and save either Kotaro or Jonah's life, but in doing so, death will come and claim the life of Ken. Who will Rohan chose to save- his boyfriend, his best friend, or his best friend's brother?

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Leyla Selvi ( @cantfightmoonlight ). When Leyla enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #8: ON THIN ICE

Trigger Warnings: Drowning tw, Death tw, Murder tw, Freezing to Death tw, Violence tw, Blood tw, Loss of Body Autonomy tw

Players: J.C. ( @icexpackxjc ), Mateo ( @moonsongchorusi ) & Julian ( @julianrchandlerx ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Carmen ( @moonglowmagic )

Prompt: Carmen opens her eyes just as an arrow shoots out of the crossbow she is holding across the lake that J.C. is currently skating on. The arrow tears through J.C.'s ankle bringing him down onto the ice. Mateo and Julian both run out onto the Ice after J.C. in an attempt to help, only when Mateo steps out onto the ice, the ice around him breaks open and Mateo finds himself trapped under the ice in the freezing water. J.C. and Julian now are left to try to save Mateo, only there is a catch. Carmen's body has snapped into hunter mode. She has no control over what she is doing and has no choice but to hunt down J.C. and Julian as they try to rescue Mateo.

Help is not on the way: Currently all of the fae are preoccupied with other dreams at the moment. You'll have to wait until a fae has managed to free all of the individuals of their assigned nightmare to come and help you. But, in the meantime, you will have the chance to free yourself by coming to tears with your fears. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #9: POWER OVER ME

Trigger Warnings: Rapid Aging tw, Loosing Teeth tw, Hair loss tw, Death tw

Players: Ralph ( @rxmiddlemasx ), Jasmine (@cantfightmoonlight), Devrim ( @lunadefresa ) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Aaliyah ( @akiss-from-a-rose )

Prompt: Aaliyah opens her eyes as Ralph is siphoning away her vampirism. Aaliyah is now human and is rapidly aging. Her teeth begin to fall out and her outer appearance is quickly beginning to reflect her own age. Meanwhile, Ralph has discovered that Ralph, in the dream, can siphon away not just magic, but people's abilities turning them human with one touch. Ralph proceeds to siphon Jasmine, absorbing her abilities and magic as well. Only, Devrim's life is tied to Jasmine's with magic, so as Ralph begins to siphon Jasmine, Devrim begins to die. The power and dark magic quickly become too much for Ralph to handle. Ralph's own powers begin to go haywire and start to tear him apart from the inside out.

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Bea Ramos ( @crescentcrowd ). When Bea enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

NIGHTMARE #10: YOU'LL NEVER BE SATISFIED

Players: Ronnie ( @itsronniebish) & Caleb (@cantfightmoonlight) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Bexley ( @illputabexonyou ) being orchestrated by Kyle ( @kylexkanex)

Prompt: Bexley and Ronnie wake up to find themselves in a perfect day. They both realize they've been cured and have gotten their humanity back. Everyone in Lunar Cove now loves and adores them. Ronnie is rich and famous, while Bexley is beloved by all and has finally found the family she so desires. Only their dream quickly begins to go south. The cure they've both taken from Caleb over at Micah Labs is beginning to wear off for just the two of them, but no one else in town. Now they are the only 'monsters' in a town filled with humans and everyone is turning on them, with Kyle being the orchestrator of the nightmare and the band leader who turns the rest of the town against them.

Help is not on the way: With Kyle being in this nightmare, no fae will be able to enter or help Bexley, Caleb or Ronnie. The dream will not end until the town has fully turned against them and Bexley and Ronnie have turned against Caleb.

NIGHTMARE #11: FREE FALLING

Trigger Warnings: Death tw, Murder tw, Violence tw, Amnesia tw

Players: Mason (@masonxmahir) & Kari ( @conjvred) find themselves trapped in a nightmare crafted for Priya ( @selcnophile)

Prompt: Priya and Mason are running through the woods. Their feet carry them forwards as they head towards the cliffs overlooking the Cove. They're coming towards a dead end, but there is no turning back. They are currently being hunted by a version of Kari who has no recollection of them. Kari believes she is still a hunter and that Mason and Priya are too dangerous to let live. Priya and Mason come to a speeding halt just as the edge of the cliffs come into sight. But, the bottom of Mason's shoes have lost all of their traction and they slip forwards. Priya grabs onto Mason as they dangle over the side of the cliffs. Now, Priya is left with an impossible choice- she can let go of Mason and save herself or she can save Mason just as Kari's arrow heads straight towards her chest. The choice is hers.

Help is on the way: We recommend for you to write out two rounds of replies before a fae will enter the nightmare to help instruct you on how to get out. Your fae is Kui James ( @thelatekuijames). When Kui enters the dreamscape, they will be able to tell you that you are, in fact, trapped in a dream. Nothing you are experiencing is real. But, the only way out is to face your fear and overcome your nightmare. Some of your characters will not be able to overcome their fears and that is perfectly alright, but if one of you is able to face your fear and get out, you will be able to pull someone else out of the nightmare (more information on this to come).

#lunarcoveevent #lunarcoveevent7

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ithacahq · 2 years

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WELCOME TO ITHACA.

* Note: These apps was sent yesterday when neither of the admins were able to get on, and is apart of our Saturday acceptance.

JAMES MCAVOY — Preston Embry, co-owner of Ithaca Beer Co. ASLIHAN MALBORA — Dilan Aydemir, Tattoo artist (filling connection: Asher’s fling)

Congratulations - first and foremost we’d like to say that we’re very happy to have you as a part of our group! Please refer to the new member checklist for more information.

#ithacawelcome

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nevernevadahq · 3 years

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Mwf from members and admins pls?

Good afternoon, nonnie! Some of the names we've tossed out are...

Laura Harrier, Samantha Logan, Sarah Bolger, Emma Corrin, Madison Pettis, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ashley Moore, Margot Robbie, Savannah Smith, Danielle Brooks, Sai Bennet, Jessica Sula, Neslihan Atagul, Bahar Sahin (who we would love as an Asena family member!), Jeanine Mason, Yvonne Orji, Elizabeth Lail, Sun Yihan & Cheng Xiao & Jing Tian (who we have a familial wanted connection for within the White Snakes!), Aimee Carrero, Angelababy, Crystal Reed, Cemre Baysel, Amita Suman, Christina Ochoa, Madison Iseman & Britt Robertson & Lucy Boynton & Lucy Fry (who we have a familial wanted connection for!), Alisha Wainwright, Jessica Cores, Brianne Tju, Aria Arjona, Halle Bailey, Alara Turan, Abigail Cowen & Sophie Turner & Bryce Dallas Howard (who we have a familial wanted connection for!), Emma Stone, Isla Fisher, Kate Mara, Jung Ho-yeon, Dilan Çiçek Deniz, Hafsanur Sancaktutan, Melisa Döngel, Nesrin Cavadzade, Jessica Henwick, Rose Leslie, Zhu Zhu & Fan Bingbing (who we have a familial wanted connection for within the White Snakes!), Amita Suman, Anya Cholatra, Karen Gillan, Eleanor Tomlinson, Sujaya Dasgupta, Anya Taylor Joy, Vanessa Morgan, Alycia Debnam Carey, Alexandra Park, Alicia Vakander, Arden Cho, Aubrey Plaza, Deniz Isin, Phoebe Tonkin, Saorise Ronan, Candice Patton, Gabrielle Union, Chloe Bennett, Dianne Guerrero, Han Seung Yeon, Jessica Parker Kennedy, Madelyn Cline (who we have a familial wanted connection for!), Krysten Ritter, Adeline Rudolph, Kristen Stewart, Greta Onieogou, Rebecca Rittenhouse, Bruna Marquezine, Ivana Baquero, Adria Arjonia, Jaz Sinclair, Carmela Zumbado, Kate Siegel, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Lauren Ridloff, Richa Moorjani, and Zíon Moreno!

#mwf #oc roleplay #anwered #town rp #city rp #tumblr rp #tumblr roleplay

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dustrp · 3 years

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Apologies for such a list, but could you see cenet nadir, dilan cicek deniz, kriti sanon, Diane guerrero, working for twelfth? Diane guerrero or Wunmi mosaku for lark? Julia Jones or lily Aldridge for gull?

For Twelfth and Gull, we unfortunately can’t see any of the options working. Sorry!

But for Lark, Wunmi would definitely work!

- Admin Jen

#answer #answer: fc #answer: twelfth #answer: lark #answer: gull

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kingsheadharborrp · 3 years

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Dilan Ulusoy

Name: Dilan Ulusoy

Date of Birth: April 5th, 1992

Age: 29

Gender/Pronouns: Cis woman / She / Her

Occupation: Architect

Hometown: Manhattan, New York

Length of time in King’s Head Harbor: 1 month

Faceclaim: Hande Erçel

BIOGRAPHY (Trigger Warning: None)

At 2:15am Dilan arrived into the world, just minutes before her twin brother Demir and a couple years after their older sibling, announcing her new presence through loud cries that her father sometimes likes to joke the whole block the hospital was on could hear. While the twins had been a surprise for a couple reasons, both in the fact that their parents hadn’t exactly been trying at the time, plus finding out there’d be two new additions. That certainly didn’t hinder on the happiness that came in the expansion of their little family. Born to Hakan and Elif Ulusoy; her father originally hailing from Istanbul, Turkey, where their last name in known widely, throughout the country itself, thanks to her grandfather’s empire of various business ventures. Hakan decided to come to the states in pursuance of medical school, now currently a renowned plastic surgeon specializing in cosmetic and emergency practice. While her mother Elif, came from more humble beginnings, whose parents immigrated to Queens from Bursa for a new start and chance at better opportunities. The woman serving as Chief Physicist in a lab just outside of the city.

Safe to say thanks to her parents careers Dilan and her siblings, which eventually also included a younger one to round off six, never went without. Though were always also instilled with the lesson of being grateful for everything they’d been fortunate enough to have. While traditional values weren’t inherently seeped into their home, her parents still made sure to surround their children with the culture they derived from. And in truth, growing up in a life surrounded by luxury was something that so much appealed to her, more so as she got older. Of course it’d be a lie to say it hadn’t come with plenty of benefits, but unlike her peers, her life didn’t revolve around exclusivity and material possessions. The downside however, was her parents schedules keeping them both incredibly busy, they tried to be around as much as possible, but a good portion of the time the children were raised by a nanny. To a small degree as a child, it disappointed Dilan especially on days she’d come home from grade school particularly excited to tell them about a painting she made or what they did. But glad at least to have her siblings around, especially her twin who was also her best friend.

Growing up she was a very curious and precocious child, after all being raised in a place like New York City there was plenty surrounding her to be intrigued by, every week it seemed she found something new to preoccupy her mind with. Whether it was watching and wanting to learn from the chef her parents hired a few times a week, the various paintings collected that hung around the walls of their home making her interested in art. Or the small library in her father’s office, while filled mainly with medical books, still contained a wealth of knowledge. Excelled academically, more so in areas such as math, science and art, after all, she and her siblings were also raised on the ideal to strive for their best and fullest potential. Socially; the more outwardly laid back demeanor she kept to made it easy for others to flock towards her and form friendships. Wouldn’t have called herself anywhere close to ‘It Girl’ but typically was seen in school running with a circle of what most would call a high form of popularity. She also had quick wit that got her scolded by many teachers she challenged and very rarely into fights. Like a viper ready to strike, mainly verbally yet when the situation truly called for it she wouldn’t be opposed to using her hands, especially if it was in defense of anyone she considered close.

High school also became a time of exploration within herself, in terms of her sexuality, finding that she had a growing attraction to other girls in school. A confusing time of figuring out whether it was simply a physical allure, or something felt deeper, and come her junior year it became very clear that it was the latter. With a mixture of anxiousness and wanting to just rip the band-aid off, she casually came out to her family one night during dinner while they were having their ‘weekly roundup’ talking about the highs and lows and what happened, that her father mandated as a way to keep close and spend more time together. It was definitely an unexpected ‘bomb drop’, so to speak, and after a moment she was met with mixed reactions, her siblings being the most supportive, while Hakan a bit befuddled still expressed he loved her all the same. Elif however, took a bit more time before openly acknowledging Dilan’s bisexuality. Not that she was completely against it, but being raised with the idea that it was taboo kept the woman at an impasse. Thanks to the help of her family and making an effort to learn about the community, the two of them were able to talk and Elif has since been more widely accepting.

Graduated at the top of her class, with quite a few options for university at her disposal, she ended up selecting MIT almost as soon as they granted her acceptance, majoring in Architecture. Another upside to coming from a place like New York, was the various different buildings and structures that littered the city, some having her in awe from a design and engineering standpoint. And why her move to Boston also went fairly smooth, the only adjustment she needed to get used to was not having her family around as much, though having independent qualities certainly helped to ease things and luckily just a 5 hour drive or 1 hour flight away. Worked tirelessly to ensure she kept her streak of academic excellence, even putting together a thesis that technically hadn’t been required of undergraduates. Obtained her Bachelor of Science and despite receiving a job offer from her current internship, Dilan set her sights abroad deciding instead to gain even more experience with an acclaimed firm in Paris. So soon enough, she found herself packing up and bound for the city of lights.

Far more of a change and culture shock than her initial move, but nevertheless steadily acclimated to Parisian life, more so focusing on the reason she’d gone in the first place, designing beautiful structures and securing a name for herself in the industry. Though leave it to a place that boasted a synonymousness nature with romance to somehow ensnare the girl who wasn’t the type to fall so easily. A whirlwind of passion that burned brightly, with a man named Alessandro, who painted a realm of possibilities together that she hadn’t ever envisioned before, and would for the next couple years ahead. At least until her parents growing disdain for the relationship began to dampen things, as much as she held firm on the love she knew, eventually doubt seeped deep enough to cloud her judgement, eventually winning. One day an abrupt decision had Dilan on a train back to New York and heartbreak left in the wake.

After settling in her home city once again, she took a bit of time to pull herself from a state of sadness before returning to work, this time as an independent, curating a loyal group of clientele while planning to open up her own firm. Something that was made possible sooner thanks to a friend of her family, who’d been in a career of real estate development. Investing in more of a relaxed partner capacity, allowing her to take much of the reigns as head architect and interior designer, dubbing the firm Nazlı Design, taken from her middle name. With a small group of upcoming and seasoned professionals on board they were able to grow from residential to commercial architecture as well, and becoming award winning within the last year. Thus why she finds herself in King’s Head Harbor now and for the past month, working on a project and has enjoyed her time in town enough to buy a home and contemplate expanding another office nearby.

PERSONALITY

+ Innovative, Resolute, Passionate - Fastidious, Temperamental, Enigmatic

WRITTEN BY Admin Ari

#kingshead:bio #dilan ulusoy #kingshead:taken #f

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maniacinema · 4 years

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Intan Paramaditha : Perempuan dalam Imaji dan Realita Sinema.

Gender merupakan topik yang masih hangat untuk dibicarakan dalam berbagai aspek kehidupan tanpa terkecuali. Dalam ekosistem film sendiri bahkan terdapat teori film feminis yang muncul sejak perkembangan feminisme gelombang kedua yakni sekitar awal tahun 1970an. Teori ini digunakan untuk menganalisis film terutama dalam melihat bagaimana representasi perempuan di dalam film serta stereotip perempuan yang muncul setelah masyarakat menonton film tersebut. Seiring dengan munculnya teori ini, muncul pula berbagai organisasi perempuan dalam film.

Sebenarnya, hal ini tidak lepas dari fakta bahwa perempuan yang terlibat dalam industri film melalui berbagai peran seperti sutradara, produser, penulis, kritikus, programer festival, dan banyak posisi lainnya di industri film masih belum cukup terwakilkan. Dalam industri film hollywood sendiri ada istilah langit-langit seluloid (celluloid ceilling) yang mengacu pada kurangnya perwakilan perempuan dalam perekrutan dan pekerjaan di Hollywood.

Bagaimana pandangan dan kultur atas perempuan di industri film pada akhirnya akan mempengaruhi bagaiamana perempuan berperan dalam ekosistem perfilman, diantaranya dari segi karir, komunitas, serta sekolah film. Paritas perempuaan di ekosistem film terutama dalam hal kesempatan, pembayaran, serta representasi inilah yang masih diperjuangkan hingga hari ini. Setidaknya demikian yang dikutip dari salah satu organisasi yang mengupayakan kesetaraan dan transformasi kultur perempuan dalam film, yakni Woman In Film. Lebih lanjut, kami melakukan wawancara bersama Intan Paramaditha dalam menggali peran dan permasalahan perempuan dalam film serta bagaimana kondisi film dan perempuan di Indonesia. Intan Paramaditha sendiri adalah seorang alumnus PhD dari kajian sinema di Universitas New York. Fokus studinya mengacu pada gender, seksualitas, politik dan budaya. Sekarang ia mengajar sebagai dosen di bidang kajian film dan media Universitas Macquarie, Sydney.

Simak wawancara kami berikut ini!

·Pertama mungkin tentang hal yang paling mendasar dari ‘film dan perempuan’. Sejak kapan, sih, mbak, perempuan dinilai punya peran dalam film?

Kesadaran tentang pentingnya perspektif perempuan sebagai pembuat film menguat seiring dengan berkembangnya teori film feminis di tahun 1970an. Kritikus feminis seperti Laura Mulvey menunjuk bahwa film-film arus utama, dalam hal ini sinema Hollywood klasik, dibuat oleh laki-laki dan menjadikan perempuan sebagai obyek hasrat penonton laki-laki. Karena itu teori film feminis mempersoalkan masalah representasi dan mengadvokasi film-film yang dibuat oleh sutradara perempuan. Di Indonesia sendiri, sebelum reformasi, peran penting buat perempuan sangat terbatas, misalnya sebagai aktor. Munculnya sutradara dan produser perempuan bertepatan dengan keterbukaan wacana gender dan seksualitas di akhir 90-an, serta hadirnya generasi pembuat film baru yang lepas dari tradisi ‘nyantrik’ dengan sutradara senior laki-laki.

Frase ‘dinilai punya peran’ ini menarik untuk didiskusikan lebih jauh. Sejak abad 20 sebenarnya perempuan selalu punya peran. Editor The Man with the Movie Camera karya Dziga Vertov adalah perempuan. Tapi pertanyaannya: siapa yang menentukan nilai? Banyak sekali nama perempuan yang disingkirkan dan dianggap tidak penting dalam historiografi. Dalam beberapa dekade terakhir, peneliti sejarah dan pelaku arsip film berupaya untuk menelaah ulang perempuan-perempuan yang terhapus dari sejarah. Di negara-negara Selata, yang praktik penelitian dan pengarsipannya tidak banyak didukung pemerintah, ini masih menjadi tantangan besar.

· Dilihat sudut pandang lain selain teknis, seberapa besar atau pentingnya perempuan berperan dalam membangun ekosistem perfilman?

Harus lebih banyak perempuan berada di posisi pengambil keputusan terkait arah estetika maupun politik film, baik itu sebagai sutradara, penulis, atau produser. Secara estetika, banyak sutradara perempuan yang menyodorkan estetika feminis baru, merespon hubungan antara gambar dan kamera dari sudut pandang feminis. Sebagai contoh, lihat esai saya tentang Pasir Berbisik di Jump Cut.

Produser perempuan cenderung lebih awas dalam hal representasi gender dan seksualitas. Bagaimana perempuan ditampilkan dalam film? Sebagai tokoh yang punya agensi atau pelengkap? Mereka juga lebih peka terhadap persoalan relasi kuasa. Apakah perempuan menempati posisi-posisi strategis, atau hanya di-admin-kan saja dalam proses pembuatan film? Beberapa produser, seperti Mira Lesmana, juga sangat berhati-hati soal potensi pelecehan seksual dan memastikan ada code of conduct yang melindungi perempuan. Memang tidak semua pekerja film perempuan mengidentifikasikan diri sebagai feminis. Tapi sulit sekali membayangkan keputusan diambil tanpa dipengaruhi oleh pengalaman, misalnya pengalaman dilecehkan, dianggap remeh, dianggap tidak kompeten, dijadikan obyek seksual. Perempuan yang tidak pernah mengalami semua ini mungkin sangat privileged.

Bagaimana gambaran-gambaran perempuan dalam film selama ini?

Di awal tahun 2000an banyak sekali hal baru dari segi bagaimana perempuan digambarkan. Pembuat film seperti Mira Lesmana, Nia Dinata, dan Nan Achnas menggugat obyektifikasi perempuan dengan menghadirkan tokoh-tokoh perempuan yang kuat dan kompleks. Sayangnya saya lihat akhir-akhir ini justru obyektifikasi perempuan dinormalisasi. Ini bisa kita lihat di film Dilan, yang buat saya sangat bermasalah karena glorifikasi maskulinitas militer di dalamnya. Di film itu, tokoh Milea seperti tak punya fungsi apa-apa selain menjadi obyek hasrat laki-laki, dari yang sebaya sampai guru sekolah. Dia dipandang, ditimbang, dan diukur oleh orang di sekitarnya berdasarkan satu kriteria saja: cantik.

Di satu sisi, kita senang ada pembuat film feminis seperti Mouly Surya yang menghasilkan film seperti Marlina. Film menyodorkan kritik tajam terhadap sistem patriarki dengan cara yang sangat segar, yaitu merespon estetika genre Western. Tapi di sisi lain, penggambaran perempuan seperti dalam film Dilan juga makin banyak dan dianggap wajar. Belum lagi kerangka patriarki yang membingkai film-film Islami. Mungkin bisa dibilang kita melihat kemunduran dari segi wacana gender dalam film.

Bicara soal komoditas, apakah kebanyakan film hari ini masih sulit untuk lepas dari konsep “male gaze” sebagai upaya menarik penonton, mbak?

Ya, tentu saja. Contohnya ya tokoh Milea dalam film Dilan tadi. Nilai perempuan – baik itu pacar cantik seperti Milea, maupun tokoh ibu yang mengayomi – selalu diukur dari sudut pandang laki-laki, ‘kan?

·Ada tidak, mbak, pengaruh dari perspektif sutradara atau penulis (skrip) perempuan terhadap karya-karya film yang dihasilkan?

Ya, tentu ada. Kita nggak akan punya film yang menyodorkan kritik terhadap poligami dari sudut pandang perempuan kalau tidak ada Berbagi Suami karya Nia Dinata. Kita nggak akan punya film yang bicara tentang kekerasan terhadap perempuan secara demikian subtil kalau tidak ada Pasir Berbisik karya Nan Achnas.

Kenapa, ya, mbak, bicara tentang film dan perempuan rasanya masih tabu untuk dibahas terutama di Indonesia? Mungkin belakangan ini mulai ramai dibahas. Tapi selama ini, kenapa masih kurang? Apa karena sumber daya manusianya?

Tabu menurut siapa? Kalau ada yang menganggap ini isu yang tabu, maka kita harus bertanya: mengapa penyingkiran isu perempuan berlangsung? Kepentingan siapa yang sedang diperjuangkan? Sejak tahun 2000-an sebetulnya selalu ada ruang membicarakan isu gender dalam film. Dulu bahkan ada Festival Film Perempuan. Tapi buat sebagian kalangan, isu ini masih dianggap tidak penting. Ini cara pandang yang mesti dibongkar.

·Menurut Mbak Intan, bagaimana keberadaan perempuan dalam film di Indonesia (yang mencakup semua lini)?

Sebagaimana yang saya katakan sebelumnya, setelah era reformasi, kita punya lebih banyak perempuan yang menduduki posisi-posisi strategis dalam film. Sebelum itu, sejak tahun 1920-an, perempuan yang menjadi sutradara maupun produser bisa dihitung dengan jadi. Sekarang kita punya Mouly Surya, Kamila Andini, dan produser hebat seperti Meiske Taurisia, misalnya. Pengaruh perempuan di dunia film relatif lebih besar dibanding ranah seni lainnya, seperti teater misalnya. Meskipun ini cukup menjanjikan, tentu saja bias patriarkis masih ada.

· Apa yang membuat Indonesia masih kekurangan sosok perempuan terutama dalam lingkungan filmnya?

Sebetulnya yang menjadi masalah bukan soal kurangnya sosok perempuan, tapi apakah komunitas film dapat menciptakan lingkungan yang menumbuhkan dan juga aman buat perempuan. Dari Lisabona Rahman dan kawan-kawan, kita tahu pelecehan dan kekerasan seksual masih terjadi di komunitas film. Ini sebabnya mereka bikin kampanye #sinematikgakharustoxic. Selain itu, bias respon atas karya sutradara perempuan kadang sangat berbeda dengan karya sutradara laki-laki. Film Marlina misalnya, meskipun dikagumi banyak orang, menuai kritikan pedas karena banyak orang yang merasa terganggu dengan representasi perlawanan perempuan lewat imaji pemenggalan kepala.

·Menurut Mbak Intan, apa tantangan atau kendala utama perempuan untuk survive dalam ekosistem film ini? Baik nilai-nilai penggambaran yang dimuat dalam karya film maupun dari segi peran perempuan secara teknis?

Keberlangsungan adalah salah satu tantangan. Biasanya, dampak interupsi karier karena punya anak cenderung lebih besar dialami perempuan. Setelah punya anak, sulit sekali buat perempuan untuk kembali ke jalannya dengan mulus, business as usual. Ada sih beberapa perempuan yang tidak mengalami ini, tapi biasanya mereka punya privilege tertentu, misalnya punya keluarga yang bersikap terbuka dan memiliki segala macam infrastruktur ekonomi dan sosial. Kita butuh grant untuk pembuat film perempuan untuk survive secara ekonomi, juga untuk mendorong dia belajar lebih banyak lagi agar karyanya lebih tajam.

Terakhir, kalau boleh kasih saran atau pesan, dong, mbak untuk jadi penyemangat perempuan dalam berkarir di industri film.

Buat saya, di bidang film atau seni lainnya, yang terpenting adalah semangat mempertanyakan tatanan. Kalau lingkungan kreatif bikin gak semangat atau malah toxic dan mengancam, pertanyakan kenapa kita harus kompromi, lalu cari sekutu dan coba ubah kondisi itu.

(Wawancara ini pernah diunggah di akun Instagram Maniacinema, Mei 2020)

Diwawancarai dan ditulis oleh : Agnina Rahmadinia

Desain oleh : Hotman Nasution

Agnina Rahmadinia

Alumni jurusan Ilmu Komunikasi yang di tengah kegiatannya sedikit-sedikit nonton, tapi nontonnya sedikit-sedikit.

#Figur

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