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A Little Death - A Note From The Author
For those on this website back when Cold War came out in 2020, you may have read a fic I wrote around that time titled ‘A Little Death’. It was pretty successful (at least by my standards as a first time author) and likely may even be the reason many of you are following me in the first place.
In 2021 I made the extremely difficult decision to delete it, with the intention of re-writing it as I had to come to the conclusion that the portrayal of the Adler/Bell relationship in this particular story was problematic for reasons I will expand on below the cut (for those curious)
I’ve had many people in the years since message me to ask what happened, and if I planned on re-writing it as I announced my intentions to. I’m incredibly touched that people have held my writing in such high regard, even after all these years ❤️
With Black Ops 6 coming in a few months, the topic has come to the forefront of my mind (and the minds of others) again. After an extremely difficult (and long) period of consideration, I am officially confirming that I will not be rewriting ‘A Little Death’ and consider it permanently shelved.
This is probably a surprise to absolutely no one since I’ve not really mentioned it since, but I have had several people still interested in what was going on. I still want to give thanks to everyone who has supported my writing, I’ve been wanting to start once again but felt like I couldn’t with the weight of this fic on my shoulders. I think finally closing this chapter will allow me to move on and evolve as a writer.
Please read the TW before continuing as I will be touching on some sensitive subjects in regards to Adler/Bell’s relationship dynamics. This is kind of long but honestly it’s a complicated subject, but I didn’t want to move forward without addressing some of the issues in detail.
TW: discussions of consent, sexual assault, manipulation, abuse
Why did I delete it in the first place?
‘A Little Death’ started off as a three part smut fic that grew into something more in part due to the positive reception I had received, but it was also my first ever piece of writing. It lit something in me, and it was no longer about just being “horny for Adler” and it involved into a bit of a character study.
I actually made a post years ago touching on this, but the jist of why I deleted the story was that someone who was close to me at the time I was quite deep into writing it pointed out that a brainwashed Bell, in an altered mental state, could not actually give consent to any sort of sexual relationship with Adler (who also facilitated their torture) I know this might seem to be fairly obvious to many, but honestly at the time I hadn’t even thought of it that way. I felt incredibly stupid someone had to tell me for me to even realize.
Now, I don’t intend this post to be one about total condemnation of the Adler/Bell ship. I mean we are talking about a game that revolves around some very dark subject matter like torture, murder, brainwashing etc. A lot of people have OC! Bells that they ship with Adler, and I still read fic of the ship and have my own OC. The ship is problematic for obvious reasons, but I began to realize that as an author I had a duty to portray dark subject matter with a certain level of responsibility, respect and with appropriate content warnings.
I was doing none of those things. I was writing a fic that portrayed a brainwashed Bell in a sexual relationship with Adler that begins to evolve into this emotional “affair” I had written something like 10 chapters, but I couldn’t continue with the knowledge that I had essentially been marketing sexual assault as smut without even really realizing the implication. I mean it wasn’t all smut, it did taper off into an actual story, but the damage had been done.
Wouldn’t that mean all Adler/Bell fic is problematic then?
I mean yes is probably the right answer, but my own feelings about the relationship in summary, is that a ‘romantic’ relationship with Bell utilized as a manipulation tactic by Adler would not be out of character for him, I mean it literally does happen in the game in a more platonic form. Dark? yes, very much so, but not totally out of the realm of the game’s themes.
Even then, we have to keep in mind that if we are going to write stories that have darker themes that could also contain potentially triggering subject matter, we have to approach these topics with respect and responsibility. Writing a scene or relationship that portrays sexual assault as romantic or sexy is not okay. (which was basically what I was doing, which was very bad) Appropriate content/trigger warnings should be used as well.
I think the Bell/Adler gold standard is fic where Bell and Adler meet each other long after the events of the game. Still a pair of messed of people with a messed up dynamic 100%, but Bell is no longer brainwashed and has developed into their own person who can make their own informed decisions. (My all time favourite fic is a Bell/Adler fic that follows this sort of plotline)
I wanted to try and salvage ‘A Little Death’ by re-writing it, but I just…couldn’t. I would have to re-write from the ground up, and honestly the central conflict was Adler “falling in love” and the guilt that subsequently followed because he knew the situation was fucked up and that he was in it for his own selfish reasons.
I have considered re-publishing in mostly the same form but with the sexual content removed and more as a dark fic focused on the messed up relationship Adler pursues with Bell because he wants ‘results’ that bad, but I wasn’t sure if that was any better???
Anyways, that’s why I deleted that fic in particular and not any other. It was deeply problematic and for that I apologize.
If there’s any other questions, please feel free to inbox or DM me.
Thanks ❤️
#its nice to finally get this off my chest#bc i wanted everyone to truly understand why this fic in particular had to go despite it being my most popular#russell adler#call of duty#bocw#black ops cold war#adler x bell#adler/bell#russell adler fanfic#a little death#mine#text#also sorry for any typos LOL
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Happy release day-versary Red Dead Redemption 2 ❤️
#here’s a repost of these for this beautiful game 🫶#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#sadie adler#dutch van der linde#rains fall#john marston#lenny summers#hosea matthews#black belle#eagle flies#van der linde gang
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Bird outlaws
#drizzledrawings#rdr2#ourthur#Charles Smith#dutch van der linde#Hosea matthews#simon pearson#reverend swanson#Lenny summers#sean mcguire#javier escuella#john marston#read dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption fanart#rdr2 fanart#micah bell#molly o'shea#josiah trelawny#sadie adler
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rdr2 characters + iconic tweets: part four
part one / part two / part three
#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption two#red dead redemption#rdr#karen jones#josiah trelawny#sadie adler#arthur morgan#john marston#abigail marston#micah bell#dutch van der linde#hosea matthews#lenny summers#one of them is a tumblr post ik <3
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You could say I’m a bit obsessed with these dumb cowboys <3
#rdr2#rdr#text posts#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#john marston#dutch van der linde#micah bell#abigail marston#jack marston#sadie adler#charles smith#javier escuella#bill williamson#tilly jackson#mary beth gaskill#susan grimshaw#kieran duffy#sean mcguire#molly o’shea#hihomeghere#rdr2 text posts
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I've made some rdr2 stickers for my future conventions. It's something I've been postponing for a while hehe but they're finally here!
I'll be attending Japan Weekend Madrid in September and MCM London in October, but in case you miss those events you can also buy them in my store <3
#rdr2#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#dutch van der linde#john marston#charles smith#hosea matthews#abigail roberts#sadie adler#javier escuella#bill williamson#micah bell#red dead redemption
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#rdr2 fanart#rdr2#red dead redemption community#red dead fandom#red dead redemption two#red dead redemption 2#reverend swanson#micah bell#rdr2 micah#sadie adler#orville swanson
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I love my horsey’s and my horsey’s love me
I drew as many important red dead redemption 2 horses as I could, but it’s all in my silly, rinky-dink style. I wanna make these into charms/stickers so bad they’d be perfect
And so everyone knows who’s who:
Baylock - Micah’s
Brown Jack - Bill’s
Taima - Charles’
The Count - Dutch’s
Silver Dollar - Hosea’s
Ennis - Sean’s
Boaz - Javier’s
Branwen - Kieran’s
Maggie - Lenny’s
Bob - Sadie’s
Nell II - Uncle’a
Gwydion - Trelawny’s
Old Belle - Karen’s
Old Boy - John’s
Rachel - John’s (Epilogue)
Hera - Sadie’s (Epilogue)
Nell IV - Uncle’s (Epilogue)
Falmouth - Charles’ (Epilogue)
Buell - Hamish/The Veteran
O’Driscoll Horse - First horse you get in chapter 1
#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption two#rdr2 horses#red dead redemption 2 horses#baylock rdr2#branwen rdr2#taima rdr2#the count rdr2#boaz rdr2#arthur morgan#john marston#dutch van der linde#javier escuella#kieran duffy#micah bell#sadie adler#sean macguire#buell#procreate#horse#horse drawing
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I love how Sadie, Charles and John just defeated Micah with like the power of friendship or something
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after cuba probably
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im sorry. (no im not.)
#i spent too long on this stupid fucking thing#art#red dead fandom#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#rdr2#hosea matthews#dutch van der linde#micah bell#charles smith#sadie adler#sean macguire#shitpost
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evidence board
#still love these freaks#black ops cold war#digital art#russell adler#cold war bell#artists on tumblr#procreate#portrait#drawing#adlerbell#adler cod#cod bocw#call of duty bocw#cod black ops cold war
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"Careful hudson, i might not stop woods next time."
"Stop what?"
#call of duty#call of duty black ops#cod black ops cold war#bocw#cod cold war#russell adler#cod adler#cod bell#frank woods#cod cw#black ops cold war#jason hudson#cod hudson#my art
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MY NAME IS BELL AND MY NAME ECHOES HEAVY; PLEASE KNOW MY ACTIONS ARE NOT MOTIVATED BY ENVY
#art#digital art#artwork#call of duty#adler x bell#cod bell#cod black ops cold war#illustration#russell adler#russell adler cod#bell cod#russell adler x bell#call of duty cold war
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Friendship bracelets for all <3
#bell made one for everyone#except hudson#hudson doesn't get one because he was being a prick#got this idea from making similar stuff for my friend group#we've all got one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse#but these guys just get their names#russell adler#cod cold war#call of duty black ops cold war#adler#cod#cod black ops cold war#adler cod#cod fanart#cod black ops#bell cod#cod bell#bell#eleazar azoulay#eleazar#lawrence sims#helen park#bocw#cod bocw#alex mason#frank woods#lazar cod#cod community#call of duty#black ops cold war
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