#adhd is super fun to have i love being unable to just sit down and function normally | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iraprince · 3 years ago

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this might not be something you personally have difficulty with, but i was recently diagnosed with severe adhd and i was wondering if you had any tips regarding just like….drawing?? i have such a hard time getting started even though i usually end up feeling pretty stoked and happy with my work if i manage to get something down. i used to draw constantly as a kid to help me focus in class, but in my adult life i just feel like there are so many invisible barriers between myself and putting pencil to paper. i’m sure there are a lot of perfectionism issues involved as well, so i guess just any sort of advice in any of those areas would be greatly appreciated! your work is fantastic and i’m really grateful that you share adhd stuff as well!! have a great day! :o)

i actually have a LOT of difficulty with this -- i have more difficulty than i have advice, probably! but my advice always ends up boiling down to the same thing lately, and it sounds really hokey but i mean it as literally as possible bc it's the only thing that consistently works for me: be fucking nice to yourself!

for a long time the only solution i had to being Inexplicably Unable To Do Something was to yell at myself, bully myself, assume that i wasn't trying hard enough, and end up a miserable little ball of confusion and frustration. it was def worse before i was diagnosed, but it's definitely not gone (sometimes "i don't know why i can't just do it!" just gets replaced with "well, i know what the problem is, so why can't i find a way around it?!"). and after many many years of experience with the bullying reaction vs a much shorter time comparing this reaction to other, kinder approaches, i can say with a lot of confidence that handling it with internal yelling and shaming doesn't work, straight up. it's not helpful, and most of the time it makes things worse -- even if you manage to force yourself to complete a task once or twice like this, it's too exhausting and demoralizing to be sustainable. so, while you haven't mentioned frustration in your question, that's still where my mind goes as a first step: if you're experiencing distress or anger or embarrassment over running into those barriers over and over again, the first step is practicing being calm and forgiving, not immediately trying to find a way around it. once you hit the wall and you find you can calmly go "oh, okay! this isn't working. let's figure out why" instead of immediately launching into "what the fuck is WRONG with me????", finding solutions is a lot easier.

the times i've surprised myself by having things just suddenly Flow after a long period of struggling are usually brought about by a ton of excitement and enthusiasm! i get really into a rarepair and i'm gripped with the need to make my own content, or i make a new oc who i really love, or i get back into a piece of media i haven't touched in a while and get all charged up with excitement. you gotta feed the tank to make stuff, so setting time aside to consume stuff that inspires and excites you is just as important as setting the time aside to actually sit down and try to draw.

another thing that has helped me is trying to be really purposeful abt reminding myself WHY i draw; sometimes, especially since it's my job, the images i'm supposed to be making just turn into this big featureless stack of Tasks instead of me really thinking about + appreciating what i do and why i love it. when i'm in a rut with commissions, for example, sometimes before i even try to start working (or if i HAVE tried to start and it's just not happening), i stop and sit down with the wips and really LOOK at them. i go through them one at a time and point out things i like about them or what i'm looking forward to doing: "the pose came out so good on the first try and i want to see what it'll look like finished," or "detailing all this hair is going to be so fun and relaxing." when you get so caught up in the constant repeated thought of "i just want to DO something, i want to DRAW," especially when it's been days or weeks or months where you can't, i think you can unconsciously start replacing "i want to draw because it's fun and i like what i make" with "i want to draw because i keep failing to and i just want to prove i can still do it," and for me the latter thought is usually way more distressing than it is motivating.

and finally, a failsafe: sometimes, when i can remember to do it, my secret weapon is counting down at myself for the tiniest steps possible. like i'll literally say out loud, "on the count of five, i'm going to stand up and go get my sketchbook. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...." it has to be out loud and i think the reason it works is because like. if you say it out loud, reach five, and you don't do it, you feel astronomically goofy??? and then i just go from there: "on the count of 5, i'm going to find an empty page." "on the count of 5, i'm going to start sketching a head." it kind of forces through the executive dysfunction in a way i haven't really been able to replicate with anything else. it doesn't always work in a super meaningful way -- like, plenty of times i do like three steps and then i'm like "i hate this and i don't want to and i'm not gonna make anything good like this so i give up!" and then i just take the L for the afternoon. but when the "frozen in place, literally cannot stop just staring at the page" thing is the main issue, it might be enough of a push to get going!

as always here's me going "oh oop no i dont have a lot sorry" and then rambling for paragraphs and paragraphs but by now we should be used to that. good luck, and remember 2 be patient + nice :D

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wisteria-lodge · 4 years ago

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a bird secondary with a *very* unhealthy badger model

i’m pretty sure i’m using both Bird and Badger secondary tools - i just cannot for the life of me figure out which one’s my actual secondary, and which is the model. it doesn’t help that both of them are at least slightly charred. when i was younger, i was surely a Bird secondary, no doubt.

One of the reasons I ask people for childhood stories is I fundamentally don’t believe that sortings ever change. (Maybe that’s the Lion in me talking.) You can build beautiful models that you adore living in, but important aspects of yourself don’t just... fall away. They change, and grow, and level up.

i’ve always loved collecting knowledge, i store trivia better than many a fandom wiki, i’ve studied things just because they interested me, i’ve once memorised a big portion of the pokedex just for fun… you get the idea.

I’m going with Bird secondary as a hypothesis, but this doesn’t necessarily say bird secondary to me. Bird of some kind, sure. But it could still be a model.

when academia kicked my butt (hello, undiagnosed adhd), and i realised my natural talents and good memory won’t help me, i think i burnt my Bird. it really hit me very hard.

That can happen. And it’s brutal. But when a secondary burns from over-use, it’s not gone it’s just... tired.

i’ve started appreciating kindness and hard work, and i wanted to be a person who - wasn’t necessarily the smartest in the room (because i felt that this ship has already sailed.)

There’s a fun word for someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room. And that word is “asshole.” :) Seriously, ‘being the smartest person in the room’ isn’t a real thing, and definitely not something to aspire to.

didn’t help that i’ve also acquired a nemesis who was just as smart as me, but an asshole, lmaoo.

Like I was saying...

But I thought perhaps I could be the kind one. the patient one. the steady one. of course, that didn’t work for me with my adhd at all, lol. i am physically and mentally unable to reach that ideal of stable, patient, consistent, reliable. and it hit my self esteem real hard again.

There is some sort of POWERFUL Badger secondary influence in your life, making you believe that you need to be that way too. And you don’t. That’s the entire premise of this system. That there are many ways to solve problems, all equally effective and valid.

after all, not everyone can be smart, and that’s alright - but everyone can be a hard worker, right? it’s not a matter of any innate abilities.

You think the chip that allows you to settle down and focus on doing a non-preferred task in increments over long periods of time is not an innate ability? This is why I hate standardized tests. They test your ability to take a test much more than they test the material. Not everyone *can* sit at a desk in a silent, windowless room and do math problems for four hours. And why on earth should that be that a desirable, rewarded ability? The end goal is not to graduate and start working in a factory like its 1905.

my bachelor degree’s taken me a year longer than it should have, because i’ve started just… not doing my work. didn’t come to class, didn’t hand in my homework, didn’t contact my professors. did everything at the very last minute, if at all. and i didn’t know why.

It’s because you struggle with executive dysfunction. Because you’re neurodivergent.

i’ve felt terrible about it, because i wanted to be a good student, you know? i wanted to feel like i earned that degree. i passed, because i’m bright and i can extrapolate based on the knowledge i already have, and i have a lot of knowledge in this wonky brain of mine - but it doesn’t feel like i… deserved that pass.

for instance, we had this class - literature masterpieces of XX century. we were supposed to read one book each week. obviously i didn’t manage, bc despite reading as if my life depended on it in my early years, i lost that ability sometime during my high school years (when depression hit). so the night before, i’ve sat down, read the wikipedia article on every book and every author on the list, read goodreads’ reviews, sparknotes, whatever i could find. sometimes even fragments of the original text. and i passed that (oral) exam, even with this extremely strict professor. and i felt horrible about it, because i didn’t feel i deserved to pass that. i didn’t read those books! i’ve lied to you! i’ve cheated!

Listen. I’m a teacher, and I am telling you, you deserved that degree. You got the info, you thought about it, you understood. You didn’t trick your strict professor. Your professor did a good job, and allowed you to think and learn and demonstrate your knowledge in a way that worked for you. (Which is what they’re supposed to do.) I love students with ADHD, their brains are fast and non-linear, and yes they skim the reading, but they make connections and take things to new levels and process things in such cool way, and it just makes me feel alive you know?

I actually have more trouble with the opposite type, the student who obviously did the reading, but didn’t play with it or connect it to anything else they know, so it just kind of sits in their head like a lump, not doing them any good. But they are really good test-takers.

then again - doing things the right way was (and still is) sometimes just simply unaccesible to me.

There is no right way to do things. The right way to do thing is whatever makes you happy and gets the job done. But that’s a hard one to internalize. I still have trouble truly internalizing that one. But I’m getting better.

the badger secondary, therefore, is not anything that’s actually… useful to me, most of the time, lol.

You are crushing yourself under the weight of a Badger secondary model.

unless it’s the ~vibes~ of the badger that make professors like me, most of the time - and because of that liking, they’d often turn a blind eye to just how badly i’d fuck up.

I bet your professors like you because you’re an interested, interesting student who brightens up their day. And if they’re turning a blind eye, it’s because they know that people with ADHD struggle with deadlines sometime. And that’s /fine/

i often seem trustworthy and reliable in the beginning, before my executive dysfunction trips me up, and makes me beat myself up for not actually being that.

My thoughts on secondaries and executive dysfunction.

it’s the bird that helps me still achieve anything these days - the knowledge i still have, and the things i pick up along the way, from friends or twitter or online articles. i can bullshit my way through many things, because i know quite a bit about a wide range of topics.

It is so easy to pick up on true bullshit as a teacher. We *know* when you don’t know what you’re talking about. When you put together interesting statements and arguments on the fly - when you pull something out of your ass - it’s still coming from you. That’s just an alternate way of thinking. Also, everything you have written is SO BIRD.

but actually applying myself - which i feel is both necessary to succeed

It’s not.

and the right way to do things

There’s no such thing.

- is just… out of my reach. sorry for the rant, but i’m just so super confused, lmao. if you have any thoughts on this mess, i’d be very grateful. apologies for any mistakes, too - english is not my first language.

English isn’t your first language??? Your English is amazing. You’re a bird secondary, and a pretty brilliant one by the sound of it. And you are torturing yourself because you aren’t living up to an entirely arbitrary Badger secondary ideal.

#sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #bird secondary #burnt bird secondary #badger secondary model #executive dysfunction #adhd #teaching

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seven-oomen · 4 years ago

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Please talk about Noah! Your takes are super interesting and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

(hope you're having a nice day!)

Alright then strap in! Because I am about to tell you why I think Noah Stilinski is;

A. Bisexual

B. Has the inattentive type of ADHD

Let’s begin!

First off, I think Noah Stilinksi is a bisexual man who has a preference for feminine presenting people. (As one would typically see women dress/appear in western society.) I don’t particularly have evidence for this, I tried scouring S3 to find clues of it, but honestly, I think this is just one of those, I headcanon it and therefore to me, it is true. If you have a different opinion, then awesome, you do you.

I mean there are some looks between him and Chris Argent that can be interpreted as interested, but you’d have to look very closely. For now, it’s just one of those things, to me it’s like that, and I have fun with it.

Like father, like son right? Except Stiles would be more on the 50/50 scale of bisexuality where I think Noah is more on the 70/30 scale leaning towards feminine people.

As for his ADHD, I did find a lot of clues and tidbits there, so:

Notice how the sheriff is frequently standing with his arms crossed as if he’s either trying to protect himself (trauma-based) or trying to keep himself from moving too much (ADHD based). This would also explain why the sheriff is often seen standing too still. He also tends to talk with his hands, which is another thing a lot of ADHD people have in common. Though to be fair a lot of NT people do this too.

However here in 3x01 we see the sheriff fully focused on this person while they’re trying to work something out.

Then the next second, Melissa enters the hallway and Noah’s undivided attention is suddenly on her, he barely remembers to utter out an excuse me before addressing Melissa. And he does it as if every neuron in his brain is suddenly focused on her. “Oh hey, Melissa!”

*Brain switch. Undivided attention is now on Melissa.*

This is a form of hyper-focusing, and if you’ve been trained from a young age you do this while making it look NT-passing. You mask it. I do this. People with ADHD-C or ADHD-I that have a basis in trauma tend to this in my experience.

Like Stiles tends to do, the sheriff too, is moving around fidgeting in the blurry background. He’s talking faster than he can process which is picked up on by his stutters. While he’s trying to figure out a resolution to this conflict.

You can also tell that there might be some RSD at play here due to the fact that he seems very keen to keep the peace in the scene and wants everyone to get along and let’s keep everyone around me chill. This may not seem like a stereotypical ADHD thing to do, but it’s very common in ADHD-I types.

In the scene with Deaton that he shares in this episode, as well as numerous scenes with Stiles and other characters. You can always see him thinking, you can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to make connections and tries to focus on what lies ahead of him and what people are saying to him.

Sometimes he successfully succeeds in listening and processing. You see this by his frowns, little head movements. But as soon as those arms cross or his frown deepens you can tell someone is trying to flip the switch, but the light’s not turning on. The information isn’t being processed by his brain. He’s trying to defend himself.

Again, this is a typical thing for someone with ADHD-I who’s been trained and has had extensive therapy to cope with his symptoms. For a while and for general conversations/problems, you are capable of holding the thread. When things get complicated, that’s when you start to see the thread unraveling in Noah’s head.

In 3x02 there’s a moment of impatience as he wakes the boys up but also clearly a look on his face that says a few things.

1. Omg Stiles has done it again.

2. Look at the state of this room where do I even begin? I don’t know, so I just won’t bother.

3. Oh no I have absolutely been here and now I have to deal with my son being in this state too.

So he does the most logical thing to him, he doesn’t deal with it. Just his executive dysfunction going off and thinking; nope I’m not dealing with this, I need to get work, I don’t have time to sit down (hence the mug in his hands.) Man is probably running late already and only now waking the boys up because he realizes they’re A. still in his house. And B. not off to school yet and he needs to get going too.

He has a moment like this in multiple episodes where his impatience and incapability of dealing with a situation in front of him causes him to physically drag Stiles away and using too much force to do it. Though judging by Stiles’s reactions, and the way he relaxes after being grabbed, the sheriff seems to realize how hard he is grabbing and eases up every single time.

And that seems like a little detail, but not knowing your own strength is also a thing that can correspond with ADHD. (Though it can occur in NT people and other conditions as well. Or generally, be caused by anger.) But for the sake of this essay or meta, I will attribute it to Noah having ADHD.

In 3x09 Stiles finally clues him in on what’s happening in Beacon Hills and we can clearly see that he’s struggling to process everything. One could attribute that purely to;

1. Noah is trying to come to terms that supernatural creatures are real and this would be a lot for anyone to process. Which is a fair and a totally valid assumption.

2. However, we see signs of Noah already starting to believe something is up from the very beginning. There’s always been a side to the sheriff where he was willing to believe or give people the benefit of the doubt when it came to the supernatural. Like in 3x03 when he tells his deputy: “She saw something.”

This leads me to believe that the real matter at hand is that Noah simply can’t process all that information at that time and he needs a few days to think it over in order to do so. Which could be a sign of a processing problem due to ADHD. (Although as I have pointed out, it could also be interpreted as an NT just getting a lot of crazy information at once. Take it as you will.)

In 3x07 Stiles and Scott argue over whether or not to tell Noah what’s going on with the sacrifices. Stiles points out that they shouldn’t because his father is completely overwhelmed.

This can be attributed to several things and interpreted in different ways. Let’s lay down the most obvious one; the sheriff has no idea what’s going on, he has the FBI on his case, and multiple murders on his hands and essentially a serial killer. All of these on their own are enough to be overwhelmed by, yes.

I choose to interpret it as a combination of all of these factors combined with an inability to process this much information or information in general. Which is another symptom of ADHD-I.

We also hear him frequently telling Stiles and the other kids to ‘go home, get to class, go to school.’ Basically what he’s doing in moments like this is 1. looking out for them. 2. Unable to cope and process with all the information he’s been giving during that time and instead of lashing out at the kids, he tries a coping mechanism that’s called divert or redirect. Where you try to redirect people/thoughts/object into a direction or thought process that’s far more manageable to you.

Which is something that I’ve been taught to do myself in therapy. And that is why I think it’s something Noah has been taught to do as well. Either in the Army/Police Academy. or during therapy sessions.

Now, this is what I like to call Noah’s; I’m trying to process what you’re trying to tell me face. And so far, I’m keeping up. You see the pursed lips, the frown on his face, the slightly squinted eyes. He’s focusing on what Stiles is trying to tell him.

Here he is looking away for a second, processing, trying to manage information. We see him frown further, his lip tensing further, he has to try harder.

He’s processing, processing, he blinks. And then this is the face he pulls right after the blink.

The frown has deepened, he's still following Stiles for now but you can see he’s starting to lose the train of thought here.

Stiles keeps explaining, pulls out the chessboard to explain what is going on.

And Noah has completely lost his train of thought. He has no idea what Stiles is saying to him anymore and no way to process all of the information that Stiles is giving him after this moment. He gets impatient, is annoyed at the things Stiles is telling him. That is because he’s emotionally, and physically overwhelmed.

He deals with a lot of things in his job and he always seems utterly exhausted because of it. I think that is because his job is exhausting. But I also think it has to do with Noah not being able to filter sounds, stimuli, the inability to process things like an NT. I think Noah suffers from a high level of empathy, this combined with sensory processing issues results in someone who’s constantly trying to filter them out and failing. Resulting in chronic fatigue, turning to other means of dealing (Alcoholism), impatience, etc.

He also seems to have trouble regulating his emotions, as we see with his frequent snaps and jabs at Stiles but he also seems to try and be better about it and regret it when he does snap. We also know that in order to numb his pain and his emotions Noah turned to Alcohol to cope, as sad as it is, this is common in people with ADHD. Who often turn to substances to cope with their symptoms and their inability to regulate themselves, anything to numb all the feelings and their own shortcomings. Noah seems to have fallen into that trap too.

I think my favorite moment in this scene comes right after with this face:

And the question of; “Why is Jackson the Kanima?”

Which tells me a few things.

1. After everything, that’s the first question he truly asks as he leans back and tries to process things.

2. This may point to an inability to prioritize tasks/thoughts, which is another symptom of ADHD-I. Which for Noah seems to occur when he’s not on the job or with people he trusts and doesn’t have to mask for. (He does this too when he asks Derek at the station; “But if he doesn’t have a mouth, how does he eat?”) Suggesting that this is a more regular occurrence than we see on the show.

And at this point, I can no longer concentrate on this since I’ve lost my hyper-focus. But I think I managed to compile a pretty decent list.

And that is why I think Noah Stilinski is Bisexual and has ADHD.

Tagging: @mostly-vo1d and @artemisa97 since they are usually involved in these things too. You don’t have to respond of course, but if you feel up to it, join in.

#noah stilinski #sheriff stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf meta #headcanon #adhd #bisexual #ben says stuff #long post #answered #Anonymous #creativity he wrote

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bondsmagii · 5 years ago

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Hey what advice do u have for cultivating a dark academia aesthetic for someone who has trouble reading because they retain no information when reading? I got super depressed and all of my hobbies and interests turned unapatizing and it's been years since I've finished a book or finished a story/painting in a way I actually like and enjoy? Basically creating is giving me a lot of existential pain Bec whatever I create isnt something I'm happy with.

boy do I feel this. I have ADHD, so reading can sometimes be... man. a whole lot. sometimes I just can’t sit still for long enough to do it, other times I can read but the words don’t mean anything. then if I do get reading, it’s impossible to actually stay focused. absolute nightmare. I’ve worked out a few things that have helped me, and many of them are also aesthetic as hell, so here’s a messy disorganised list.

annotate the books! loads of people say you shouldn’t mark books up blah blah blah but my god, it’s so much fun and it keeps you engaged. underline things that stand out, scribble comments in the margin, highlight, write down reactions, draw little pictures, whatever you want. it keeps you focused, it helps you take things in, it helps things stand out in your mind, and books look so cool when all marked up.

try taking notes. this might not work for everyone but I’m a huge nerd and I love taking notes. I usually do this with non-fiction because there’s much more information to take in, and as I go alone I jot down key facts or things that would be useful to reference later. re-writing all the notes in a notebook specifically for them and making them look pretty also helps the information sink in, because you’re reading a streamlined version of all the information in the book.

read in different places other than your usual place. I sometimes find I need more stimulation to be able to concentrate, so I’ll read in a different room, or I’ll bring my book out to someplace nice -- a coffee shop, a park, down by the loch -- and read there for a bit. the new environment does wonders for concentrating.

read aloud! pay no attention to the people who think you should stop doing that when you’re no longer a kid. sometimes I like to read aloud as though I’m reading to a captivated audience, or sometimes with non-fiction I pretend that I’m giving a lecture and I wrote the material and I have to impart it on everyone in an engaging and clear way. your brain takes more in when it hears it out loud, and the extra concentration required to actually speak the words makes you slow down slightly and keep your place -- and stops you from skipping ahead/all over the page.

keep a reading list! if you love lists and you love the sweet, sweet feeling of ticking things off them like I do, this one is for you. make a reading list and work your way through it. if you can, put it publicly so you can track your progress where people can see, or if you have a Goodreads, use their yearly reading challenge and make sure to always update what page number you’re on. this does wonders for keeping me motivated and results in me reading every day, which is something you absolutely should do. which brings me to...

read every day. even if it’s only a little part. reading is like any other habit -- you need to get into it. the more you do it, the easier it’ll get, and the more you’ll take in. your brain will get used to receiving information in that way and you should find that the periods where things just aren’t sinking in get shorter.

finally, if like me you have ADHD, try drinking a small coffee before/as you read. caffeine is proven to help people with ADHD focus, which sounds contradictory, but it really does work. just don’t do it too often, though -- you can build up a tolerance. I save coffee for when I really need to concentrate, such as being behind in my studies/reading, or really wanting to write something but being unable to focus.

as for your creating, it’s as simple as it is difficult. you just have to keep going. please never let dissatisfaction make you stop completely -- this is the worst thing you can do. every single time you create, you’re practising. you’re getting better. even if you hate the piece and looking at it makes you cringe, it’s still a good thing. it’s a part of your journey and it’s another learning step towards where you want to be. I know it’s tempting to beat yourself up, but please don’t. you’re learning. you’re learning all the time. you just have to push through the things you don’t like, be unafraid to fail, and remember you can do things more than once. if you have a great idea and it turns out terrible, you can do it again when you’re improved! and again! and even again! as many times as you want! creating isn’t linear because you’re always learning and you are always improving. you should aim to always surpass yourself -- your work is never truly done. this means you are totally free to do whatever you want however badly you like, so go out and have fun with it. just creating is wonderful enough. learn to love the process as much as the product, and keep practising.

#dark academia #anon #asks

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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years ago

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The 30 Minute Experiment: Fear

Probably the hardest part of doing this experiment is that I consciously have to ignore everything else going on around me to make 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to write, so we’ll see how that works out, knowing how bad my ADHD can be at times. That said, let’s do this...

So anyway... today’s topic is “FEAR” and it’s actually the topic I wanted to write about that started this whole project experiment since I wanted to write something titled, “How to Overcome Fear,” because I felt that it was something I could handle to maybe help others out there. You see, I have a lot of people I know and love, as well as good friends, people who I admire for their strength and ability to handle anything, succumbing to the worst possible fears that anyone could possibly deal with. It’s surprised and shocked me and even saddened me a bit, because suddenly I find myself being one of the most calm and reasonable people in my immediate circles... and yes, THAT is something that people should be fearing.

I’m sure some people think that i’m taking far too cavalier attitude about this pandemic, but in fact, I’m always super-careful about germs and stuff since I spent most of 2013-2014 being in that exact same place where I was so worried about getting germs or getting sick since in that case, I literally could have ended up back in the hospital or even dead. I won’t get too much into my diagnosis with leukemia in 2013 or the stem cell transplant or my year back in New York City in 2014. Some of you already know about it. Some of you don’t. It’s a topic I can cover in full sometime down the road, even though it’s something I’ve written about a lot. But it’s very much related to this FEAR I talk about and that i’m seeing all around me right now. You see, after I got my stem cell transplant in October 2013, my immune system was reset back to zero. I literally could catch any possible disease I encountered from polio to measles to anything that anyone someone may have an immunity to due to vaccines we’re supposed to get as children. I didn’t get my new vaccines until October 2015. Even though I was in this state and was already dealing with the possibility of getting sick while being treated in Columbus, Ohio, I was hell bent on getting back to my life and apartment in NYC. (And if you saw my apartment then and even now and realized that part of my leukemia may have been brought on by the conditions I was living in for 20 years, YOU would have been fearful of LETTING me come back to that apartment let alone lived there yourself under similar circumstances.) I had to come back to New York. Living in Ohio with my mother (mostly being sequestered as most of us are now) was driving me crazy as was my lack of independence and inability to go out to do the things I loved so much. If I was my doctor, I probably wouldn’t allow it, but we made a deal and that was that I would spend 100 days after my transplant before even asking about returning to NYC.

Knowing what I knew about my condition, I relented and though my planned return was sidelined by a week, I came back to NYC at almost 107 day and while I didn’t come into my apartment (my brother and a couple hired hands spent a couple days cleaning it up and putting things in boxes, etc.) I was absolutely PETRIFIED of getting sick while being in NYC. I was wearing a mask and gloves everywhere but I was also worried that I might forget something and I had lists that I was checking and double-checking regularly. God bless my brother for putting up with me cause every time we left the very small hotel room that I had rented for our stay, I was taking forever to make sure I was ready as I checked and double checked everything, made sure i was being safe, etc. etc. I should also mention that in the week when I returned, my brother and I went to see the Pixies out in Newark, and I’m pretty sure we took a busy rush hour train to get out there and I probably wore my mask for a lot of it. Mind you, I hadn’t seen a concert in over 10 months and that was part of what was driving me crazy.

But the point is that I had this incredible fear that had been put into me from the doctors and everything I read, and that fear was much about having to go back into the hospital as it was of getting sick. I spent so much of 2013 in hospitals and for someone who had spent 20 years avoiding doctors and hospitals, it was not a fun experience. Sure, I did get sick a few times in the couple years since I got back and I did have to go to the ER for a few less-than-fun experiences, but the important thing is that A.) I pushed myself to overcome my fears and B.) I allowed my new immune system to do what it was meant to do... build up its immunities and the anbibodies needed to take on any germ or virus or disease that was thrown at me.

Part of this may have seemed reckless to some and maybe still does, but you know what? IT WAS NECESSARY. Because the only thing worse than actual death is FEAR.

Think about it. What is the worst thing that can happen to you if you get COVID? Yes, you will die. What is the second worst thing? You will get very sick and be miserable, maybe you’ll have to go the hospital and spend some time in a ventilator and the... you will die. Or maybe you’ll contract it, not know it, not get any symptoms, and then give it to someone you like or love and then they’ll give it to someone they like or love and then maybe they’ll be put through it. Those are all viable fears to a point.

A little bit of fear is good, but what’s bad is the completely out-of-control and unreasoning fear of everything and everyone that has become even more contagious than the virus that everyone is afraid of. The stuff I’ve heard and read in the last couple weeks from people I consider reasonable, logical and yes, STRONG, makes me wonder whether FEAR really has won.

Let’s think back. Remember when 9/11 happened and everyone was suddenly afraid of terrorists and every time there’s been a mass shooting and everyone was afraid to go to movie theaters, concerts, etc? But somehow, we got over those fears and we went back to movie theaters and concerts and trust me, getting blown up in a high-rise building or being riddled with AR-15 bullets would probably be a LOT worse than suffering from fevers, the inability to breathe, hacking cough and some of the worst aspects of COVID (and I say this only to those of you who are healthy and young... not my older friends and those who are currently fighting other conditions or immuno-compromised). Being in or around the World Trade Center on 9/11 meant a much faster death and for the 3,000 people who did die that day, they probably had no time or warning to prepare at all. They were just going about their everyday lives when the first plane hit and then the second... and you probably know or have heard the rest.

Make no mistake. It was a horrible day and so have been all the other days when people died from senseless violence, and in most of those cases, they didn’t have a way to prepare or fight back.

With COVID, we KNOW how to defeat it, we have the tools. We have the weapons, and we have the knowledge. Sure, there are still many unknown aspects to it that scientists and doctors with bigger brains than you or I are figuring out, but ... and I’m going to try to put this as nicely as possible... WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FEARING THE UNKNOWN?

That is exactly what is going on right now. People aren’t sure of what is happening right now, what is going to happen tomorrow or a month from now, so they’re spending all their time worrying and fretting to a point where they’re unable to function. I’m not saying that I’m better than that, but I’m also being a realist here. The chances of me walking out my front door after taking all sorts of precautions and contracting COVID are probably less chances than me actually winning the Powerball the few times I’ve played it over the years. The chances of me having a pizza delivered and the COVID-infected delivery guy passing it onto me are only slightly higher.

I live in New York City... in CHINATOWN, no less... and I was doing a lot of stuff just before the governor closed the valve that totally should have had me infected but other than a small cough that lasted maybe an hour and some dry eyes, I haven’t shown a single symptom in the three weeks I have now been quarantined. But when I need something from outside, I either go out to get it or I order it (in terms of food delivery), because the other option is sitting in my own filth like Howard Hughes (without his money) and worrying and fretting and being fearful of the unknown. (Heck, New Yorkers generally do this every day ANYWAY, so this time should be no different than any others.)

The thing is that if I chose to live my life in fear, I would still be living in Columbus, Ohio with my mother, not being able to get out and do the things I love to do. I wouldn’t be able to read comics or go to concerts, let alone the movies that I like to watch and write about.

As I end today’s 30 minute experiment, which I hope hasn’t come across more like a 30 minute lecture, think abut this for yourself. (Yes, there will be some home work for those who choose to read this far.)

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? WHAT IS THE FEAR THAT IS OVERWHELMING YOU?

Are you afraid to die? Fair. Are you afraid to get someone else sick or possibly kill them? Also fair. Are you afraid of getting yourself sick? Sure, that’s also fair.

But don’t let that FEAR rule your ilfe and every decision you make because the reality is that as long as you’re not going out and hanging out with hundreds of people you don’t know or going out and randomly French kissing anyone you meet on the street. (I wouldn’t put that past some of you!!!) Then guess what? You’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine as long as we’re careful. Don’t let the FEAR of whatever you’re afraid of be worse than the actual virus. My time is up now (I actually forgot to set my time) so until tomorrow....

This has been today’s 30 Minute Experiment.

#30MinuteExperiment FEAR

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distractedhistotech · 5 years ago

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Before MSA + 1: Now a Trio

It wasn’t just the start of a new school year. It was their first year of middle school, and Lewis and Sydney were both excited and nervous. On one hand, they were growing up, and their parents were discussing letting them walk home on their own. On the other hand, they didn’t share a lot of classes outside of social studies, English, and lunch. That was going to require a lot of changes in how they studied and did homework.

As they no longer had recess, they decided to make the most of their lunch hour by bringing lunch so they could skip the lines. There was just one small issue.

“I thought I was gonna make both our lunches,” said Lewis, who was holding two bags of lunch. He’d been learning how to cook and decided fixing their lunches would be the best way to get practice in.

Sydney held up her own bag. “You said you were going to make chicken!”

“I made a different dish for you!”

“That had to take forever!”

“How long do you think it takes to cook?” questioned Lewis. “It took me a couple of hours to make the chicken. It didn’t take as long to make yours, and I have leftovers for a couple of days.”

“I guess that helps, but you have homework. I don’t want you to exhaust yourself making food for both of us.” Sydney held up her bag, which was noticeably heavier than either of the bags Lewis had. “Plus, vegetarians have to eat a lot more than a normal diet.”

“Oh, don’t worry. There’s some shrimp in…” Lewis trailed off as she saw a bunch of nasty looking ghosts around a boy sitting by himself.

“Okay, the shrimp helps,” admitted Sydney. “But it sure sounds like those take a while to cook.” Sydney walked forward another couple of steps before realizing Lewis wasn’t following her. “Lewis? Is something wrong?”

Lewis swallowed. “That kid there.” He pointed towards the boy. “There’s some nasty ghosts around him.”

Sydney stared at the boy, unable to see the ghosts. “Oh. Okay. Let’s sit with him then.”

The two had come to realize that ghosts…didn’t like Sydney. The normal ones were more or less willing to tolerate her presence. Some of the less pleasant ghosts didn’t want to be around her at all. All ghosts absolutely hated being touched by her. Lewis was willing to admit he’d taken advantage of this a couple of times when something nasty had tried to follow him around. Of course, Sydney had been okay with it. It wasn’t like she’d had to do anything different.

Lewis guessed it wasn’t that surprising that Sydney was willing to sit with a complete stranger to keep something nasty away from him.

So that was why the two were sliding in across from the boy, who looked up at them in surprise. The ghosts had already fled. “Hi, I’m Sydney,” greeted Sydney. She gestured towards Lewis. “This is Lewis. Don’t be fooled by his size. He might be the size of a bear, but he’s just a teddy bear. Although teddy bears might just be baby bears. Eh, I think it can still apply ‘cause we’re still just kids. Better temper though. Like Baloo! Or Little John.” Sydney seemed to think for a second before. Nodding. “So what’s your name?”

“…I’m Arthur,” the boy answered with a slight accent.

“You have really cool hair,” said Sydney. “You look like an anime character. Do you cosplay? If you cosplay, I can introduce you to my dad. He makes costumes and accessories for cosplay. He makes Halloween costumes for Lewis and me every year. Way better than what you find in the stores.” Here Sydney had to pause to eat some of her lunch.

Arthur raised his hands towards his hair. “It’s…it’s always looked like this.”

Sydney’s eyes sparkled. “That is awesome! Are you a real life anime character? Is your life like an anime? Oh, wait, that might not be a good thing. Some of those characters have shitty backstories. Unless it’s some sort of comedy or maybe a slice of life series.” Sydney gave Arthur a serious look. “Which genre would you say applies to your life the most?”

Arthur was visibly overwhelmed. Lewis clapped a hand on Sydney’s shoulder. “Sydney, give him some room to breathe.”

Sydney stopped. “Oh. Oops.” Sydney gave Arthur a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I got carried away.”

Lewis gave Sydney a fond smile before turning it towards Arthur. “Sydney didn’t mean anything. She just talks about whatever comes to mind.”

“And I have ADHD so a lot of stuff pops up in my head!” proclaimed Sydney. “Also, I had to adjust my medication recently. It gets a little worse during adjustment.”

Arthur blinked a couple of times. “Okay…”

“So what grade are you in?” asked Lewis. “We’re in 6th grade.”

“First day in middle school ever!” added Sydney.

“Uh, 8th grade,” answered Arthur. “It’s, uh, uh, my first day too,” he said quietly.

“Huh?” Lewis and Sydney shared a confused look before something occurred to Lewis. “Oh, homeschool?” Arthur nodded in response.

“My parents thought about homeschooling me,” commented Sydney.

Lewis turned to Sydney in surprise. “What? When?”

“When I was really young. Before we moved here.” She smiled at Lewis. “Then we moved and you and your family helped me with school.” She winced. “Oof. Gonna have to get the hang of taking notes on my own now.”

“Your notes aren’t that bad.”

“I once doodled a superhero battle over my cheat sheet,” countered Sydney before whispering in aside to Arthur. “Daredevil won.”

“Who?” asked Arthur.

“Matt Murdock,” explained Sydney. “As a child, he shoved a blind man out of the way of a chemical truck. He saved the man, but the truck spilled chemicals in his eyes, making him go blind. But! They also made his other senses super strong, which he used to compensate for his loss of vision. He went on to become a defense lawyer by day and parkouring ninja vigilante by night!”

Arthur swallowed and looked down. “Vigilantism is illegal. He should know better.”

Sydney shrugged. “Yeah, well, if you heard or saw someone in trouble, you’d stop to help ‘em, right?” Arthur nodded. “Remember how I said Matt’s other senses were super strong?” Arthur nodded again. “Well, he can hear someone getting beat up over a block away. He could call the police, but it’s Hell’s Kitchen in New York City. It would take time for the police to get there, but Matt could get there pretty quickly with his skills. A few seconds can mean the difference between life and death.” And then the sudden seriousness melted away as she shrugged. “But it’s a comic book, just a bunch of writers having fun. You gotta suspend the disbelief a little. I mean, they also had a guy develop spider powers after getting bitten by a radioactive spider.”

Arthur nodded, looking thoughtful. “It should have given him cancer.”

“Besides, the point of comics and superheroes isn’t to teach you about law,” said Lewis. “It’s…Well, technically the point of them is to entertain people, but you also can learn life lessons from them. Like how deal with the death of a loved one.”

“Or how not to deal with the death of a loved one,” added Sydney.

“The emotional impact a simple act of kindness can have on someone having a bad day.”

“How your actions can impact more people than you’ll ever meet.”

“That things are never as bad as they seem.”

“How to live your life.”

“And some do teach you information about things like legends,” added Lewis.

“Huh, you know, it’s actually kind of hard to put it into words,” commented Sydney. “It just feels like if you let them, the stories told in comics can help shape you into a better person.” She frowned. “As long as they’re good comics. Some have pretty nasty stories. It would be bad if you took those to heart.”

“A lot of things that are made for fun are like that,” agreed Lewis. “You get pulled in by the bright lights and action and end up learning something important by the end of it. Personally, I think those are the best shows.” He grinned towards Sydney. “Or comics.” Sydney smiled back as Lewis turned to smile at Arthur. “Or videogames.”

Arthur blinked. “I…guess. I don’t have a lot of experience.”

“Really? Well, I guess comics aren’t for everyone,” admitted Sydney. “What about cartoons?”

“I…didn’t have comics…or television…or videogames…or fiction books,” admitted Arthur. Lewis and Sydney stared. “My…family was strict.”

“But it’s okay now?” asked Lewis. “You won’t get in trouble for talking about them with someone?”

Arthur shook his head. “I’m living with my uncle. He bought me comics and videos.”

“Anything you like so far?” asked Sydney.

Arthur shrugged. It was too new for him.

“I’m pretty fond of Sailor Moon personally,” said Lewis.

The rest of the lunch period was spent telling Arthur about Sailor Moon.

#sydney scoville jr.#Lewis Pepper #Arthur Kingsman #mystery skulls animated #msa + 1 #au #grrlpowercomic #school #first meetings

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megabadbunny · 7 years ago

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How do you know the difference between just needing more self-discipline and being ADHD? I've been told all my life I have so much potential if I could just put my mind to things and work hard, but I have a hard time explaining that it isn't that easy... Idk. I don't want to be falling for the special snowflake thing pathologizing my laziness or be making excuses, but I also would love help if it's out there and this is really a problem that might have a name and ways to cope

Hey there hon! That’s a really good question. (Sorry it took me a minute to answer, I’ve been trying to gather my many many thoughts in a way that hopefully makes sense!)

I was hoping for a gif of a squirrel gathering nuts but I found this instead so y’know you’re welcome

I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I’m happy to share how it works for me, if that helps! For me the line can be blurry at times since one issue seems to feed into the other–that being said, there seems to be a difference with regards to intent/purposefulness? Like when I’m feeling lazy/unmotivated/utterly lacking in discipline, there tends to be this sense of, “Meh, I’ll get around to it eventually,” or “Dear God this is boring” or “Welp it’s not going my way so this project can suck it” or “If I wait long enough someone else will take care of it for me so I don’t have to step away from my 800th play-through of the original Spyro the Dragon”. (That’s what all the hip kids are playing these days, right???) I feel like laziness is rarely accompanied by remorse or self-reflection or analysis and is ultimately about an active choice not to do something–“I don’t feel like doing it, so I’m just not gonna”.

(But of course it should be noted that laziness or a lack of self-discipline do NOT a bad person make; if they did, we’d all be in trouble, because EVERYONE, regardless of mental health, struggles with laziness and/or self-discipline at times!)

ADHD-borne-issues, on the other hand–in my experience–tend to involve a certain amount of executive dysfunction, obliviousness to things that other people find easy to spot or remember, an inability to focus on one thing at a time (i.e. instead of devoting 100% of your focus to one thing, or even 50% to two things, you end up focusing like 2-3% on 50 things, which is functionally useless), and then there’s the absent-mindedness and the daydreaming and the difficulty paying attention if the topic at hand doesn’t interest you, wherein your mind wanders off to who-knows-where in the middle of a task or conversation apropos of seemingly nothing and you don’t even notice it’s happening until it’s over and you suddenly realize you processed absolutely nothing that just happened in the world around you.

In short, I feel like ADHD issues are often synonymous with simply not being able to hold everything you need to keep in mind, in your mind. So you may tend to overlook stuff that needs to be done even if it’s kind of obvious, or your brain just fucking skips steps in the task for no apparent reason, or you put shit off because you have no idea where to start and it makes you anxious, or the task seems ridiculously overwhelming (even if, in truth, it’s quite simple), or you keep legitimately getting distracted by other shit because maintaining focus on one thing at a time is like trying to maintain a vice grip on a wet bar of soap, etc. etc. etc. So there can definitely be some intent/purposefulness involved, but it’s not as simple as, “Don’t wanna, not gonna.” (Although after years of putting off stuff for ADHD-related reasons, unfortunately it’s easy to fall into a habit of putting shit off simply because that’s now how you’re accustomed to dealing with stuff, which is where the “blurred line” bit comes in.)

It’s also worth noting that, in adults, ADHD is often accompanied by depression and/or anxiety or other comorbid disorders, which can definitely complicate things. For instance, sometimes I have trouble focusing on or completing a task due to a sudden inexplicable drain in my energy (if I’m in a period where I have any energy to begin with), or sometimes if my brain isn’t engaged I will seriously literally lose the ability to stay awake, regardless of how much sleep I’ve had the night before, and I’ll just sleep like a rock through a lecture or in the middle of a movie theater or just because I sat down for two minutes on a friend’s couch. Or sometimes there’s a sudden complete (again, seemingly inexplicable) loss of interest in something that previously captivated me. Then there’s my personal favorite, the panic-ridden self-flagellating anxious procrastination, i.e. that thing where you sit there and think Okay, time to get this done. Get it done. C’mon now, go do the thing. Seriously. Do the thing. Just do it. You gotta do it. Jesus Christ, please just do the thing. It’s not that hard. Other people do the thing just fine. Holy hell your life is so easy why are you making this so difficult for yourself. Just get off your ass and do the thing. What the fuck is wrong with you. JUST DO THE THING but instead of doing the thing you just sit and do something useless like trawl the Internet with 87 tabs open for five hours in a row, hating yourself all the while but seemingly unable to pull yourself away. MMMMM ANXIETY AND SELF-HATE MY FAVORITE.

Ultimately, I think one of the commenters on this thread sums it pretty well:

I think if the desire to function normally is there to the extent where you are upset/distressed by your inability to do so, then its not laziness. If you were lazy you wouldnt give a rats, that you’re trying but not managing, to me, says its something else.

So whether it turns out that you have ADHD or not, whether it’s your brain chemistry fucking with you or you’re struggling with self-discipline, the fact that you’re looking into it and genuinely questioning it is a good thing! That means you’re aware something’s up and you want to work on it. The first step to recovery is realizing there’s an issue, and even if it turns out that your brain is totally free of ADHD or other super fun mental-health-buttholes, you can take steps to make things better for yourself (and again you can rest easy knowing that everyone struggles with self-discipline at times, ADHD or no, so you’re not alone!). And if you think you may have ADHD–if you check a reputable source for symptoms and honestly find that pretty much all of them apply to you on a regular basis–I highly recommend seeking out a counselor if you can, even for just one or two sessions. Even if you don’t end up seeking medication or anything like that, the peace of mind in knowing what’s going on in your brain juices is a huge relief.

(It should also be noted that the meds don’t automatically spur you towards motivation-land so much as–in my experience anyway–they give you the ability to just freaking remember stuff and focus on shit long enough to get it done. They don’t fix you but they do give you the tools to get by, the tools that everyone else seems to have automatically. And there are some side effects to keep an eye out for, but that’s another story. Nothing dangerous in my experience, just a little frustrating at times. :P )

Anyway, I hope there was at least a little something useful in there, and good luck on your quest for the truth!

#nonny #mbb talks back #and filler tag 1 #2 #3 #inattentive type adhd #mental health #adhd #add #anxiety #depression #medication #oh yeah side effects:#for the adhd meds there's intermittent bouts of excessive sweating #+ difficulties with autothermoregulation #like i am just burning up all the time it seems like #like sestra will be in the house wearing socks and jeans and a heavy sweater and a scarf #and i'll have on shorts and a baggy tee shirt and could still stand to shed a layer #and the other night i kept waking up in a cold sweat so that was fun #and the antianxiety/antidepressant exacerbates my daytime sleepiness #but that's easily rectified by just taking it at night so no biggie #some of the side effects are obnoxious but i will say even on low doses of both meds i am doing better than i have done in years #if not decades #it's such a relief to just be able to operate somewhat normally #i mean i'm still learning and still very much a work in progress #but between the meds and counseling and cutting down on time spent with certain folks #i feel like myself again #so yeah i will sing the song of the meds and the counseling lololol

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hartenas-themod · 7 years ago

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The story of what’s going on. (So far)

Hi there dear followers, as some of you may know so haven’t things been going that well for me over the last year and especially months but I’ve not really said what was going on as I was waiting for this to be done to share the full story but some deserve an explination!

So, for those who don’t know so do I have asperger and ADHD, I don’t let it affect me much but it’s a thing, I’ve also got IBS which means that my bowels are really sensitive and I can’t take stress at all, I end up in a fetus position from it. This coupled together with anxiety’s not a fun combo.

So a few years ago I, a young Swede ended up in the Swedish Public Employment Service, which is a great system that you’re in until you find a job and they pretty much hold your hand until you find one, I’ve only got great experiances with them! However, every job that I ended up on gave my massive headaches due to not being mentally stimulated enough so my mind would try to force mental stimulation on me (My asperger). It got so bad that when I got home, I’d nap, make food, sleep and go back to work! This also happened because social stuff’s super draining for people with asperger, but also what’d happen was that every Friday whenever I dropped all stress I’d always get a massive nosebleed, we’re talking gushing for 20min, really nasty!

So the logical sulotion is to give me a desk job or something instead for mental stimulation, right? Not really, ADHD, I can’t focus! :P (And yes, I’ve been on meds for that.)

Now, I’m a very loyal guy! Most of you who know me know that’s the truth! So obviously not being able to preform gets me down, makes me start to stress, which gives me serious amounts of pain, which makes me preform worse and it just becomes a vicious cycle!

So after being in open conversation with the Employment Service, trying different jobs, going around town with them to visit different jobs and have them tell me the avarage work day, being in contact with a work psychologist and such so did they establish that I shouldn’t be working now as it’s so harmful for me, which I very much agree with.

So I ended up in contact with a real therapist and we contacted the Swedish Social Insurance Agency which basically has the safety net system for people like me, AKA welfare of some sort, after being in touch with the therapist for a few weeks so did she also agree to that I very much shouldn’t be working as it’s harmful for me, so she forwarded me to a doctor to who’s supposed to write a letter on my behalf that I have these X, Y and Z conditions and that I shouldn’t be working, the thing is... He half arsed it and made it sound like I technically still can work, so I was denied.

I managed to get a hold of the doctor again after a week of trying to get him to change his statement so I could send it in again, which he sorta did... I kid you not, all he wrote on the new paper was “This patient has asperger, ADHD, IBS and anxiety.”, like, didn’t even spread it out with fancy words, that’s literally all he said! My therapist, very upset wrote a very long page on why I shouldn’t be working as shit’s gonna hit the fan if I work as every time it’s only brought up so do I get an anxiety attack and start getting depressed as that existance is one I do not wish, not because of the work itself, but because of how I feel while there!

I was denied again.

At this point so have I had some problem with my arm, having to visit the hospital frequently and taking it easy, not being able to draw as much as I’d like as that’s what keeps me balanced and happy! It gives me the same joys as what I’d have with a job but with none of the drawbacks.

I start getting more and more down until I finally hit a full depression, I wanna really quickly thank everyone who was there for me in that time, I really appreciate it! But yeah, because of my anxiety, asperger and now depression so has this thing become quite energy consuming, making it so I have no energy for anything! I stop cleaning the apartment, I stop streaming (Which I love), I stop leaving my room fully, I shut down my blogs in terms of content, I stop drawing (Which is my life) and I eventually just leave the chat groups I’m a part of as I literally don’t even have the energy to talk to beloved friends anymore, so I’ve just burried myself in WoW day in and day out, just waiting for more news as this experiance has been crushing down on me, I’m so anxious for whatever the next letter’s gonna say and I just wish I could be “normal” and just get a job!

So I go to my therapist again and she can tell that this has been an incredibly unhealthy experiance for me so she forwards me to a doctor for depression, which sucks as most of you who know me knows that I’m always happy! So this has been a massive fall from grace and I really feel like it has killed my identity as I’m not happy anymore and I can’t bring myself to stream, draw or talk to friends.

The doctor however which was just here for a few weeks turned out to have MASSIVE experiance with people like asperger, we’re talking one of the most qualified in the country! He heard my story and he basically started cursing out the Insurance Agency for being idiots as it’s so obvious why I’m down and as I’ve obviously already found my place in the world through art! To qoute him; “There as so many people with asperger who end up in the same situation with you but once they do they just sit around, unable to do anything! You! You’ve already found your job in this world, you found your passion in art and streaming and it helps you grow! This is what you should be doing! The Insurance Agency should be paying you for this!” so he didn’t get me on anti depressants as he knew where my depression was coming from! He sent them a long letter about how I should NOT be working as it’s harmful and that I should be allowed to art, that this is the most important thing right now!

I was denied again, on no real basis this time too that they elaborated on.

So now I’m sitting here, waiting for more meetings, more letters and such to continue the fight because as the Employment Service told both me and the insurance Agency, there’s no job for me right now, so I’ve got nowhere left to go but forward.

I’ve started drawing again two days ago as I ended up in a pit of existance where I had no joy and to top it off so did my parents’ 15 year old cat pass away which I’ll miss dearly, I had to pick up drawing again or I’d just shut down further to a point I don’t know and don’t wanna know about.

So this is the short version of my story this far, sorry for the long post but a lot of people has been curious over the last couple of months about what’s really up.

Thank you for reading.

#Long post #The story about what's going on.

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psychotherapyconsultants · 7 years ago

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Your Diagnosis Does Not Define You

I’ve been diagnosed, at one point or another, with depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADHD. It’s an annoying characterization of myself because my medical ‘diagnosis’ does not define me. Yet it has also been incredibly helpful to me as it explains certain behaviors and reactions, and gives me the tools I need to research and manage them.

But let me be clear. What I ‘have’ does not equate to who I am. As despite the challenges, we can all thrive.

I can say this now, as I’m in a new chapter in my life with success under my belt. My first consumer product turned into a 35 million dollar retail brand, and raised more than a million dollars for charities. I have presented at the UN, World Bank, and more. I sit on several global advisory boards, helped get mental health added to the sustainable development goals, helped create a youth mental health movement, and shared my story around the world.

So I come with experience and wisdom to share.

I’m grateful to say I been off medication for some time, another feat I never thought I would accomplish as managing my moods on my own didn’t seem within reach. As you can imagine, the combination of anxiety, PTSD, depression and ADHD is not easy to handle as many of them actually create havoc on the other. Even one alone can debilitate a person making the entrepreneurial journey virtually impossible.

And it is not to say medication is bad. It has saved many, many lives. Including my own. I just prefer to work through the ‘stuff’ to get to my core. I may at some point go on meds again, and that is OK. I’m also grateful that today I don’t need them.

So how did I do it? Initially, therapy and medication, healthy lifestyle choices including meditation, exercise, cutting out alcohol and addictions. I got a handle on my triggers which would often spark unwanted life pivots. Ongoing mood management led to practicing presence. And then beyond presence, but actually enjoying the moment. Which of course led to my company.

That was the initial work, and it allowed me to start seeing and manage the various triggers without folding into a heap of despair, or running off to chase the latest addiction that alleviated some unwanted feeling or lack of feeling.

The second step was to approach the ‘diagnosis’ like a curious child. To explore their darkness and light, understand their messages, and use the mess they could potentially cause to instead drive meaning and purpose in my life. And this is what I found helpful with each diagnosis:

ADHD: I initially didn’t even realize I had the ‘H’ as I’m not necessarily a hyperactive person. I am, however, an impulsive person in thinking and action and this is how it plays out with my ADHD. So how did I manage as an entrepreneur? I created smart coping strategies to get organized including budgeting, hiring an assistant, writing lists, and checking with advisors to keep me accountable. And how does it benefit me? It is pretty powerful once channeled, and I focus on the gifts of creativity, ideation for new products, drive, hyper-focus, and efficiency. It is an incredibly powerful ‘diagnosis’ once correctly managed.

Depression: This is super hard to handle, and almost impossible to imagine how it might help an entrepreneur. As any entrepreneur knows, we need to get stuff done. Being in bed, unable to move and unmotivated to work does not get us there. At least at first glance. What I found, however, was that I could actually work when I was depressed, from bed, with writing. The power of depression is it takes you to an emotional depth you never knew you had and wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet also gives you insights, deep deep feeling and empathy. It was in my bed that I dreamed up Hopeful Minds, initially called Schools for Hope, something that we are now teaching kids around the globe. It was in my bed, in my darkest time, that I found my ability to write and plan and solve mental problems in a way I never imagined possible. My intense, insatiable, excruciating mental anguish drove my thoughts and ideas, when I channeled them the right way (not to darkness, but to light) to new places I had never imagined with both my business and my nonprofit.

Anxiety: This may seem easier, as it is an energetic state and in my experience much less stigmatized than depression. However, it can be just as challenging as it can leave us in total paralysis. We absolutely have to stop everything because we can’t get a single thing done and we think our brain might explode trying to figure it out. The good news? I found my brain never exploded. That’s right, it never exploded! I found my anxiety to be a great driver once I could calm the brain down and get present through meditation, deep breathing, and putting all my ‘to do’s on lists in a big brain dump. As even if I didn’t get everything on my list done, simply writing it down and taking a single small step in the right direction got me moving forward again. Once I was moving, the anxiety dissipated.

PTSD: This is not a fun one. It has thrown me off track as an entrepreneur so many times, and it is such an automatic reflex unless it is truly healed it is so challenging to make progress. As any time I perceive that I am betrayed or abandoned my PTSD kicks in and I freeze. Literally, I’m frozen in thought and action, unable to make a decision or trust people or realize the universe really does have my back. Thank goodness, however, it is a thing of the past for the most part. How did I resolve it? Through lots of EMDR, hypnosis, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Now when I’m triggered I breath. Deeply. Many times. I focus on getting present. And sure enough, the energy moves through me. And what is the benefit PTSD? It made me really aware or my surroundings and how people are feeling. I am hypersensitive to the marketplace, incredibly aware of how audiences or groups are reacting, and have a deep understanding of what is working and what isn’t. It also sometimes forces me to stop and reflect, which is so necessary in business and so often missed because I think I need to be ‘doing’. Often times, it is the ‘being’ where the magic occurs.

Even though the stigma is strong, these are not curses in my life. They are gifts that I simply needed to transform into my full being. To fulfill my life’s mission and purpose.

The beneficial traits of these illnesses can provide unique advantages if harnessed. I manage all of this on an ongoing basis, while not perfectly, with much more grace and success than I ever thought possible. Thankfully, I’ve had great therapists and doctors that have helped me desensitize what triggered all of these different ‘responses’ in the first place, and more effectively managed my emotions thus increasing my emotional intelligence.

When we act from these negative mood states, we end up acting in a way unaligned with who we really are. So, no matter what, as an entrepreneur or anyone else, getting into a hopeful, positive state through meditation, exercise, healthy eating, talking to a therapist, or connecting with your higher power (if applicable) is critical to success.

The biggest tip I can share (which again I’m still working on) is to not ever act from a state other than hope and love. We cannot be in a hopeful state and an angry or anxious state at the same time. Get some distance from the intense emotions and action. Then, once you have clarity, use the emotions to fuel inspired action.

Both The Mood Factory and iFred, my for-profit and my nonprofit, have given me satisfaction and fulfillment beyond my wildest dreams. They never would have been born without my story. I never thought I’d say it, but I am thankful for it. All of it. Each and every diagnosis.

I hope that if you have any of these diagnosis, or any other ones, you don’t let it stop you from pursuing your dreams. As an entrepreneur, you can thrive. Find the hidden gems and use them to your ultimate advantage in whatever you do.

Please do share your strategies, journey, and triumphs in the comments if so inspired.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/11/27/your-diagnosis-does-not-define-you/

#World of Psychology

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erraticfairy · 7 years ago

Text

Your Diagnosis Does Not Define You

But let me be clear. What I ‘have’ does not equate to who I am. As despite the challenges, we can all thrive.

So I come with experience and wisdom to share.

Even though the stigma is strong, these are not curses in my life. They are gifts that I simply needed to transform into my full being. To fulfill my life’s mission and purpose.

Please do share your strategies, journey, and triumphs in the comments if so inspired.

from World of Psychology http://ift.tt/2Br1V8J via theshiningmind.com

#World of Psychology #child psychology

0 notes