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forgiveness-in-the-misery · 3 years ago

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Skwisgaar's Psychology

After rewatching Metalocalypse a total of three times ever since the news of the potential finale movie I kind of had a realization; I really fucking love Skwisgaar. I also started by halfway through rewatch two realized that his story and background and general psychology is really fucking fascinating to me.

So I am going to do my best to discuss his character and his psychology and how we see him progress through the show....I already did this with Toki a while back and kind of would love to do it with Murderface and maybe Pickles as well, I'd say Nathan, but he's the....least fucked up in a sense.

Skwisgaar let's start has the most dialogue in the first couple of seasons of the show and even then it isn't overwhelming compared to the other members of the band. By season four he speaks very little and rarely.

When we are introduced to him in the beginning of the show he seems to be like the rest of the group; a diva spoiled rich rocker who has been grossly wealthy for so long that he's forgotten how to function as a human.

You also with the first season especially have this running gag that isn't even a running gag that Skwisgaar or Toki will say something weird and then the other will add onto it and they just say weird shit about life and death or the violence of man, it's weird, and strangely endearing.

Which speaking of how those two play off each other brings me to the fact the pilot episode immediately establishes that these two are almost always together. The band goes to a grocery store and everybody splits up, except for Skwisgaar and Toki who go off together when in all reality that isn't remotely necessary. We also learn in that first episode that Skwisgaar gets pissed when Toki teases him and calls him a woman despite Skwisgaar calling him one like a second earlier and also that Skwisgaar is sexually attracted to elderly women.

Two things are heavily associated with Skwisgaar as a character; he is extremely sexually active and he's got his guitar with him in 99% of scenes. Skwisgaar also doesn't appear to be the most talkative, he can be bitchy and throw tantrums like the rest of his bandmates, but also seems to be more prone to crying and becoming anxious or worried for his friends and their wellbeing/safety, in terms of socializing he seems to be a bit awkward and seems the most comfortable communicating through sex and music. He's teasing and can be a dick, but there's no real edge to it. He also while seeming in some regards to be a bit....dumb to be blunt about it seems to actually be rather smart, though often seems to just keep that to himself probably because he knows who his friends are and they aren't prone to listening to people.

Season one wasted no time in introducing the band's parents and this included Skwisgaar's mother, Serveta. One thing that I do find super interesting is that he is the only member of the band who comes from a single mother, technically it isn't interesting, but the theory (probably canon) that their fathers aren't really their fathers at all and that their mothers became pregnant by the Deth Star makes it interesting. To me at least.

With Skwisgaar's mom in regards to the first season of the show we quickly learn that their relationship is strained. She's an older woman who just like Skwisgaar is very sexually active, we see her come onto Nathan's father who is married and sitting with his wife and son, Skwisgaar's reaction to this is to get upset and begin frantically playing his guitar. Skwisgaar spends a good portion of this episode drinking and at one point saying that ever since his mom got there his stomach had been hurting and he'd just been feeling like absolute shit. When we see him bonding with his mom he's brushing her hair and looking like he'd rather be dead or any place else, seeing him helping her groom is weirdly a red flag to me.

We learn by the third season of the show that his mother is intensely vain and in love with herself, she resents Skwisgaar because being pregnant with him and giving birth to him ruined her 'perfect' body and I'm sure the years where he was too young to fend for himself annoyed her because it meant she couldn't party or have men over or run off whenever she wanted, something I get the feeling that changed when he was about ten years of age. In a bonus video that comes with the first season of the show you see interviews with the band on various random topics; one of the scenes that is...uncomfortable to say the least is when family is brought up. Skwisgaar begins to say something, but trails off and becomes visibly upset before saying he's just going to shut down for a while, Toki confesses some more physical abuse before also shutting down.

I'm going to take a guess that Skwisgaar only had his mother when he was growing up and she only had him, I'm sure she has parents and maybe even siblings and aunts and uncles, but it appears that she has absolutely no relationship with them and Skwisgaar most probably never met these people.

The walls of Serveta's home sport dozens of headshots of herself and a couple of pictures of Skwisgaar as a kid thrown up by the front door almost as an after thought. It's likely and most probable that Skwisgaar was thrusted into the position of caretaker and even a husband sort of position when it came to his relationship with his mom; given the task of looking after her, holding her hair back when she pukes after a night of drinking, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. We know when he was about ten or thirteen years old he came home from school to find his mom having sex with two men, an event that scared him and led to him being chased by wolves and falling into a pit where if he weren't a demi-god he legit would have died. I feel like his mom reached a point with him where she stopped caring whether or not he saw her....personal life, perceiving him as an adult despite still just being a boy and also seeing him as somebody who is taking up space in her home and preventing her from having fun.

When she marries Tyr they're all over each other constantly....until Skwisgaar and Tyr become friends and begin spending time together, then she cheats on him. She was jealous that her latest man wasn't giving her constant attention and got angry at the concept of sharing him with her own child, which is super fucked up.

Skwisgaar throughout the show has a fake persona. He likes to pretend he in some way is like his mom; he likes to pretend he has his head up his own ass and doesn't need anybody but himself, he loves himself more than he could ever love another person. Which isn't true. At all.

I think that growing up with a narcissistic parent who emotionally neglected and emotionally abused him put him in a position where he had to shut down like that. He had to learn at a very young age that crying and yelling and being angry gets nothing done except maybe piss his mom off more, after finding his guitar he threw himself into music and appeared to shut himself off socially, preferring music over human interactions.

Music is something that Skwisgaar can rely on no matter what happens; he will always have a guitar, he will always be able to create music even if it is just for himself and nobody else. People come and go, people physically hurt you, people emotionally hurt you, or make you feel worthless. When we see the flashback to the night Magnus was kicked out of Dethklok Skwisgaar is faded into the background, almost like a ghost with his slumped shoulders and his hair curtaining his face as if he wants to just disappear. When they're auditioning for a replacement Skwisgaar is positive he doesn't want somebody else in the band, that they are fine just being four.

I think it comes from the fact he was terrified of repeating what just happened with Magnus, finding somebody he might think he can bond with over music only for that person to turn into a monster who makes him feel like he can't even do the thing he loves more than anything correctly....Then Toki came in and when they had their duel it quickly turned from a competition into a conversation. Because that's the one way Skwisgaar knows how to communicate, the way he is the most comfortable with; he likes to communicate through guitar and finding somebody who he could speak to through music excited him.

It's clear for obvious age related reasons that Skwisgaar has/had a care taker role where Toki is concerned. I mean he was about 15/16 when Skwisgaar took him into the band so he was a literal child, even when he's older Skwisgaar still looks out for him and is in his own sense immensely protective where he's concerned. Skwisgaar is also that way with the rest of the band even if it's more subtle. He worries about his bandmates, if they get injured or nearly killed it bothers him and he doesn't want anything to happen to them. When the band is going to break up he completely shuts down, because admit to it or not they had become the only family he ever had. I think Skwisgaar is so hard wired from his childhood to care for people that it's something he can't shake and maybe with the band he doesn't feel its a bad habit, because unlike with his mom, his bandmates arent forcing him to look after them. It's something he does because he wants to do it.

Of course in regards to his attraction to older women that definitely comes from issues relating to his mother....I don't think it's in a creepy Freud way, but more so just wanting to feel cared for back. Very obviously he can't exactly approach any of his bandmates and ask for a hug....well except maybe Toki and Pickles if he's super drunk or high, but outside of those two instances....they aren't people he could exactly just ask for validation or comfort or consolation. They aren't....good with that shit. Older women though usually have a tendency to be coddling and kind, Skwisgaar probably learned that as a teen or in his twenties, I think it's less about the sex factor and just feeling important. In terms of sex with people closer to him in age (I will die on the hill that he's bisexual, because he keeps just throwing it out there that he would blow a guy and he had multiple three ways with Melmord) I think it's a distraction for the most part, he uses sex the same way he often uses music, and honestly....He grew up seeing his mother have men over constantly.

Skwisgaar didn't grow up seeing love or healthy relationships, he saw his mom parade various men through the house and maybe she kept some of them for a while and I doubt the relationships were healthy and I'm sure he knew that his mother didn't love any man she dated or married for a short while. Even in the show he isn't fond of love or marriage, the only time he dates somebody is when he moves back to Sweden and finally starts to get his life together in a more healthy sense and that relationship didn't feel like it was based on sex. It was based on physical and emotional affection and it was the only time Skwisgaar ever looked actually happy in terms of intimacy.

Sex is a job, a chore for him; he's the God of Life so it's technically what....it's y'know his thing, creating life. As a lot of people notice....he seems far more sexually active after him and Toki's second fight in regards to music and petty bull shit. Season four is essentially the season where Salacia gets what he wanted aka the band tearing itself apart and you can see them all fall apart individually. For Skwisgaar falling apart means closing himself off, throwing himself more into his guitar and more into sex. He becomes more of a tool and an object as if that's all he wants to be, because being a person who opens yourself up and lets people in and tries to care about people ends up with you being hurt, badly.

Which does bring things back to his super complicated slightly homoerotic to the point even the show had to mention it for a hot second relationship with Toki.

We can gather from Doomstar that Toki was far more into music when he first joined Dethklok which I think worked out great for Skwisgaar, because as I said before; Skwisgaar communicates through music and this gave him somebody that he could talk to without the awkwardness of verbally conversing.

Though that changed clearly and you can feel that Skwisgaar is bothered by it, like in some weird way it feels like a minor betrayal. Toki notoriously never practices or puts in a lot of effort in terms of making music which Skwisgaar often comments on, complains about, or gets on him about. Reasonable. Guitar is part of who he is, but at the end of the day a talent that made him rich, that's what it is to Toki.....Skwisgaar on the other hand his guitar is literally an extension of himself and seeing him without a guitar in his hand for longer than a single scene gets weird.

Still despite the two of them losing the art of communicating through their music....they're close. Super fucking close. If you watch Metalocalypse and tell yourself going into the show that you're going to focus heavily on a single character or on a certain relationship you notice a ton of shit. Like you notice that Toki and Skwisgaar almost always sit together, stand together, talk over one another, finish each others weird sentences or ideas, copy each other to the point they spend an entire episode bickering like children over copying each other, and often spend their time hanging out together. Again. They're really close as if they're a single person split into two.

They're close to the point that inverse their fans just to some extent assume the two of them are fucking and madly in love and I mean I'm gonna be honest just objectively speaking here I would not be surprised to find out they have had sex before at least once or more times. Just saying.

That aside though and just sticking to the platonic here....They're close, Toki means as much to Skwisgaar as guitar does, and that's saying a lot. One big reason I want to bring up their relationship is that his relationship with Toki brings to light Skwisgaar's issues with death or more specifically death where Toki is concerned.

In season one when Toki has a bit of a breakdown and Pickles suggest they kill him, Skwisgaar looks tense and uncomfortable and says that he doesn't like the idea because it's a lot and it makes him feel not so good. In a deleted scene where the band watch Nascar together Pickles ask Toki and Skwisgaar if they were supposed to be dead or in jail or something because it's the same episode where they got shit faced and got into a high speed chase. Skwisgaar when responding about it changes the word dead/death out for sleep, stating they were supposed to be put to sleep but just had to do community service instead (Toki corrects that it was jail, not being put to sleep). In the deleted IKEA scene when Toki stressed says maybe the two of them should just kill themselves Skwisgaar immediately freaks out and later when they return to Nathan and Murderface they both look super emotionally fucked up and when Nathan ask if they had been crying Toki gets defensive and says no while Skwisgaar beginning to cry again says they had been crying. Then of course after Toki ruins Skwisgaar's reputation and becomes Magnus Jr. for a few weeks and ends up having a panic attack and making an ass of himself....Skwisgaar thinks he's having a heart attack and freaks the fuck out terrified that he's dying.

Then finally for a compilation of Skwisgaar not handling Toki dying well; in Doomstar before they go in to save Toki Skwisgaar makes the sorrowful comment that sometimes he wonders if they should have stayed a one guitar band. It isn't him being a dick, he isn't saying this isn't worth it. He's saying essentially that Toki was stabbed, kidnapped and possibly murdered and it's completely his fault; if he hadn't taken Toki in then none of this would have happened. Which immediately leads me to believe that post the funeral episode that Skwisgaar spent those months high and drunk and late at night blaming himself for Toki being taken/murdered. That's a lot of blame to put onto yourself and to say its your fault solely because a few years ago you took this kid in off the streets is honestly heart breaking.

Early on in the series there's an episode where Toki's pissed that he isn't seen as Skwisgaar's musical equal, he wants solos, and Skwisgaar turns him down. Which through the series and within that episode itself we easily learn why Skwisgaar never gives him a solo; Toki has performance anxiety and he never practices and quite honestly knows almost nothing about guitar. It's valid. Either way in this particular episode Toki gets pissed and decides he wants to take lessons, Skwisgaar offers and Toki turns him down because last time they tried...he kind of just ended up beating the shit out of Skwisgaar. (to be fair don't dump a bucket of blood on your friend's head) So he goes off and finds an elderly man to teach him how to play guitar, Murderface being a dick decides to tell Skwisgaar that Toki is super good at guitar now and.....Skwisgaar doesn't react well. He gets pissed off and has nightmares about Toki becoming better than him. He even confronts Toki and his guitar teacher and threatens to kick him out of the band. When he realizes at the end of the episode that Toki is still....really not great with music....he's chill again, everything is forgiven.

I kind of think that episode is a reason people perceived Skwisgaar as a dick or is one reason, but honestly he isn't being a dick. I mean sure, a bit, but they're all dicks. The thing is guitar is a crutch for Skwisgaar, it is super important to him and he doesn't know who he is without his guitar, without his music. So somebody else threatening to take that from him freaks him out and he reacts poorly to it.

Then we get to near the end of the show when the same issue arises except completely different. Toki again later in the series ask Skwisgaar for a solo and Skwisgaar annoyed refuses him, Toki being the mild psycho shit that he is decides to just kind of ruin his life as revenge. Again by this point in the show its kind of obvious if you actually pay attention at all that Skwisgaar keeps telling him he can't have solos because Toki never fucking practices and even in the studio Skwisgaar has to record most of the rhythm guitar parts. He's also known since Toki's audition that the kid is prone to choking up and making mistakes, so he's technically protecting him without just outright confronting him.

Toki writes a book calling out Skwisgaar as an abusive tyrant and an over dramatic bitch. Admittedly Skwisgaar is a slight diva and just like the rest of them can be a total asshole, admittedly to a lesser degree than the others. What's really fucking interesting for me personally about this episode is that Skwisgaar is catatonic and depressed for 99% of it. He doesn't speak. This starts literally the second that Toki releases his book saying that Skwisgaar abuses him, this is before Skwisgaar's career goes down the toilet, his career hadn't been impacted by this yet.

Skwisgaar falls to pieces because Toki, Toki who he's known since he was just sixteen and took in off the streets and they're always practically attached at the hip and have been since day one just released a book calling him an abusive monster.

I do have a feeling one reason this fucked him up is because he might be terrified that he's turning into Magnus without realizing it, that perhaps he has become an abusive monster and has been making Toki feel the way that Magnus made him feel towards the end of his time in Dethklok. I think there also is probably something soul crushing about the person you love platonically or otherwise referring to you very publicly as abusive. Of course all of this worsens when Skwisgaar's career begins to fall to shit, eventually towards the end when Toki is at the top of his ego trip being a prick Skwisgaar does confront him, that in itself is interesting.

Skwisgaar goes in way calmer than I would be in that situation, sure he gets pissed off as they bicker, but again he's waaayyyy fucking calmer than anybody else would be especially since Toki just yells at him through the entire conversation. Of course interestingly is that Toki perceives Skwisgaar in a way that isn't entirely true, he thinks Skwisgaar mocks him and thinks of him as nothing which isn't true at all, when he says Skwisgaar laughed at him he just responds that he never did that and he sounds slightly hurt by that. They're both hurt and none of these men are good with healthy emotions. Skwisgaar never loses his shit on him in the entire conversation, he looks like he could easily go ape shit but instead warns him that the audience will eat him alive the second he fucks up.

Which turns out to be true, Toki fucks up and people begin turning against him which leads to him having a severe panic attack. Like I mentioned before Skwisgaar thinks he's dying and tries to save him, scared out of his fucking mind at the concept of Toki dying. Which....the dude just spent several weeks treating you like garbage and calling you a monster who abuses him, if Skwisgaar was actually a shitty person then he would have laughed at him or mocked him or given him shit about this moment for years to come....but he doesn't do any of that. He is worried about saving him, probably terrified that if Toki dies then their last conversation was a fight.

Their dynamic changes a lot after this, not in a way that's overly obvious unless you watch it closely. They spend a lot less time together and what feels almost out of character initially in Dethcamp is....Skwisgaar easily going along with Murderface and bitching about Toki, because....again can't stress the Scandinavian dudes are always attached at the hip and now suddenly he's easily saying mean shit about Toki. It feels weird until you remember that not long before this they had a massive fight, Toki called him abusive and momentarily ruined his career and most likely afterwards tried to act like nothing happened at all while Skwisgaar probably wasn't capable of doing that.

Occasionally in season four Skwisgaar and Toki will sit together or stand together, still talk or have that physical closeness but it's far between and you see Toki spend a majority of his time with the toxic trio: Murderface, Rockso, and Magnus. Skwisgaar spends his time typically with Murderface and Pickles then near the end spends most of his time with Nathan.

Skwisgaar is a person who grew up in a home lacking affection and love or safety, he didn't grow up with examples of love or healthy relationships and as far as he's concerned relationships are a waste of time and energy because they all end the same.

Of course for as much as he says that, as they all say that....it's bull shit. He cares deeply about his bands and him trying to act near the end like Dethklok was just another gig it isn't, these people are his close friends and his only real family. Seeing Pickles and Nathan fall apart wrecked him and having Toki turn on him so easily gutted him. Skwisgaar is a super emotionally fragile person, he seems absolutely terrified of showing anger or aggression as if it's something he's never been comfortable with or learned when he was young gets you nowhere or perhaps there were men around who were violent and loud and it made him scared to ever be that way. He's the only one of the band we never see really lose his shit or be randomly aggressive and violent, he also strangely enough cries the most out of them canonically. People always make the assumption Toki cries a lot, but like canonically he cries waaayyyy fucking less than Skwisgaar.

I really find Skwisgaar interesting....clearly and this analysis might be a jumbled mess, but there's strangely a lot of things to unpack and things I probably didn't even touch on as much as I could have, because this is already insanely long. I have a deep appreciation of him rewatching this show now that I'm older and far more into analyzing works of fiction.

I hope that this was remotely coherent.

#metalocalypse #skwisgaar skwigelf #character analysis #character psychology

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thealexchen · 3 years ago

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i’ve actually read both of the articles that you mentioned earlier! I could see where both of them were coming from at varying points, though shannon liao’s struck me as a tad harsh, as someone who felt very seen by Alex, particularly with regard to her asian-american identity, and the cultural details and familial attitudes you see displayed throughout the game (especially in episode 5.) I could see why others would like them to be more overt, but they’re still present & relevant as is, imo.

I'm happy you read and enjoyed them! Well, since we’re on the subject, I might as well give my fuller thoughts about all this. This answer got horrendously long, so I'm putting it under a read more. I really wanted to talk about this more fully, so thank you for sending this ask!

I definitely see Robert's point in his article. Alex didn’t need to be Asian for the story of True Colors to be told, but it’s still meaningful that she is so that Asian fans and fans of color can look up to her and feel represented. The Chens buck a lot of stereotypes too: Mrs. Chen was not a “tiger mom” and her kids and husband remember her fondly. Mr. Chen doesn’t push Alex and Gabe to excel in school, and in fact neither Alex nor Gabe went to college, but they still had happy futures. Alex isn’t the best friend or the Asian schoolgirl or the dragon lady or the Asian nerd. But at the same time, when Robert says "Alex never really talks about her thoughts on Chinese culture,” that’s like— well, what’s wrong with talking about it? Why not talk about it more explicitly? The words “Asian” and “Chinese” and “Vietnamese” aren’t even used in the game when "gay" and "lesbian" were, and that's a little disappointing.

I figured people would figure out Alex was at least Chinese because of her last name, but I saw some streamers unsure of what Alex’s ethnicity even was (“Alex is… Chinese, right?”). That was disappointing because Asians tend to be treated as a monolith when we’re so internally diverse. Also, it’s completely possible to miss that Alex and Gabe are also half-Vietnamese. Their mother’s name is Giang “Wendy” Chen, a Vietnamese name, but that’s only in the credits. There’s far less Vietnamese (and Southeast Asian) rep than Chinese, so I wish that had been made more explicit.

In Life is Strange 2, Sean and Daniel’s struggles (personal and institutional) were centered around their identity as half-Mexican boys. True Colors almost seemed to be going in the opposite direction in that Alex’s Asian heritage never really becomes plot-relevant, but Alex and Gabe’s background comes into focus in the last chapter.

Part of Shannon’s critique was that because Alex’s parents aren’t in the picture, the game can’t explore Asian culture through a familial lens. There is some truth to that: for children of immigrants in particular, their parents are their strongest (and sometimes only) link to their race and culture. I thought a big missed opportunity was exploring Alex’s possible sense of isolation and struggle to reconnect with her Asian heritage after being separated from her family.

After growing up with two Asian parents, eating Asian food, celebrating Asian holidays, likely speaking Asian languages, etc. it would have likely been disorienting and lonely for Alex to suddenly be raised by non-Asian foster parents and lose all those traditions all at once. Possible comments like “I really miss Mom’s pho” or “Do you know how difficult it is to find hoisin sauce in the stores around here?” could have inferred more at that specific kind of loss and isolation in Haven Springs. The game touches upon this very briefly when you look at Gabe’s shrine, and Alex does comment “I don’t even know if I’m doing this right… but I felt like I had to do something.” In this way, I find it especially poignant that she still held onto cultural traditions after so long.

But I still thought Shannon’s critique was overly harsh. The little details really do add up, like in Alex’s childhood home, and meant a lot to me too. And most importantly, there was representation behind the scenes too: Alex was voiced by two(!) Asian American women and the lead writer, Felice Kuan, is Chinese. I think Alex naming her mouse Shu-shu was my favorite detail. Because it’s the one detail you can’t miss. Every streamer remembers Shu-Shu’s name and loves how cute she is and they can probably infer it’s a Chinese term. It just is so visible and empowering in that way and my heart felt warm every time I heard someone say “Aw! Shu-shu!"

But that doesn't mean Alex's Asian heritage didn't matter at all. I really appreciated that Alex's backstory still mattered because she came from a poor, working-class immigrant family. Her life circumstances were used for drama, but none of Alex's suffering was racially motivated and that felt tastefully done. I’m gonna paraphrase a comment I saw on alliebeemac’s playthrough of episode 5: "It's no coincidence that both Alex and Ryan lost their mothers at a young age, but because Ryan's father was a military veteran and had a high-paying job as a Typhon foreman, he got to keep his childhood whereas Alex's entire world was torn apart... And if you want to look at it even more metaphorically, the white patriarch Jed was able to preserve his own image as a hero and 'good old boy' of Haven by literally sacrificing an immigrant family to the mines with the expectation that nobody would come looking for them. Whether you're an immigrant or whether you're a foster child, the system is saying 'we don't care about you.'"

And at the end, Alex tells Jed, "You want to look away and pretend the men you hurt weren't people. But I won't let you.” It's a deliberate stand against Jed (a white man)’s dehumanization of poor laborers, including her Chinese immigrant father. Jed isn't explicitly portrayed as a racist, but his actions come from a privileged, and subsequently racist and classist place. For me, it worked better than LiS2's portrayal of racism because it was subtler and more personal. Alex stands up against Jed out of a personal sense of justice for her brother (and her father).

Do I wish we had more? Yeah, absolutely. I wish Alex got to actually speak Mandarin or Vietnamese in the game because that's so rare in games, even though I knew that would be unrealistic because Erika Mori is Japanese. I wish the character artists had at least made a version of Alex and Gabe’s models without shoes, because it just didn’t look right to see them wear shoes in the house (especially in bed??) and even LiS2 had Sean and Daniel in their socks in some scenes. I wish Alex and Gabe talked more about their family while Gabe was still alive and Alex could have had that comfort of someone who misses the food and customs they used to celebrate. But like I said, one piece of media isn’t gonna please everyone. And Asian representation in particular is so tricky because not only is there not enough of it, but Asian Americans are so diverse and come from so many different backgrounds. Children of immigrants are going to feel more connected to their Asian heritage than third or fourth gen kids or mixed race kids for example. Everyone is going to have a different definition of “Asian culture” and “accurate representation.”

But on a meta-level, it really means so much to simply have an Asian face on the box of a major Western game ❤️ Like even just seeing the way Alex's eyes crinkle when she smiles or how other characters find her attractive (like Steph’s note during the LARP preferring Alex’s natural black hair), it feels so affirming. It’s incredible to see an Asian girl be called the hero of her own story, to see her succeed and fail and cry and laugh and fall in love and kiss another woman and be comfortable in her bisexuality. It acknowledges that the queer community includes Asians, that Asian girls can also be curvy, that Asian girls can and do struggle with mental health. And like Erika Mori said, Alex is a fully-realized character and that’s what makes her so compelling, first and foremost. She also has a strong moral compass and dreams and fears and is such an incredible role model for people of all backgrounds, and that’s what makes her identity as a queer woman of color so much more meaningful.

#life is strange true colors #listc #asian representation #answered asks #anon #alex chen #gabe chen #chen sibs #life is strange #true colors #true colours #lis: tc #life is strange 3 #my post

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gstqaobc · 4 years ago

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STOP PRESS: We thought you'd be delighted to hear that, thanks to members’ generosity, our first advertising about the League for many years in La Belle Province appeared today in the leading newspaper of Quebec City, Le Soleil. If you would like to receive a pdf copy of the ad, please request by return email. ECOMM 8.5.21 A JUBILEE BLESSING...OUR THANKS... LEAGUE FLAGS - again available LEAGUE TARTAN SCARF - update and last but not least A SPRING SALE OF MONARCHICAL ITEMS PLATINUM JUBILEE MEDAL Our thanks to the many members who told us they have contacted their MP and the Prime Minister’s office to express their support for the issuance of this Medal in the Canadian tradition. We look forward to hearing of replies any of you may receive; and we ask you keep up the chain of advocacy by thinking of friends to whom you can send our original message, and urge then to participate in our efforts. A BLESSING ON THE QUEEN IN THE IROQUOIAN TRADITION A member of the UEL Association who is a Kanienkehaka Embassador at Large, wrote to the League as follows: Please remember our Mohawk members, who would like to express our good wishes and thanksgivings to our Sister. You may be familiar with our ceremonial blessings, and the thanksgiving address to be offered before all matters; it is an Iroquoian custom:

Next year marks the 70th Anniversary of The Queen’s reign. Our Monarchy has never before seen a Platinum Jubilee! Thus the occasion calls for celebration, thanksgiving and above all, a sense of gratitude and unity. LEAGUE FLAGS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER AT DISCOUNTED RATE With hundreds of new members in recent months, the League has received a number of requests as to when we will re-issue the League Flag. Part of our Armorial Bearings, it bears a Royal Crown by personal permission of Her Majesty The Queen. Produced for many years by our friends at the Flag Shop, it is ideal for your den or boathouse, a kid's bedroom, college dorm - with grommets so it can if you wish also be flown on a flag pole outdoors Its dimensions are 24 x 42 inches, and it is made of 200d nylon. We order and keep only a limited stock, so as not to tie up funds in inventory, as it is a specialty item. PRE-PRODUCTION SPECIAL: $85 INCLUDES POSTAGE LIMIT: TWO PER MEMBER If you wish to reserve a Flag (we should receive it in around three weeks) kindly access the League’s online store at https://store.monarchist.ca/en/products and make a “Fighting Fund” donation for $85. We will know your purpose, and get a Flag right off to you once we have received them. THE LEAGUE’S TARTAN SCARF Progress Report Thanks to our friend Matthew Rowe, who runs the Prince of Wales-patron Campaign for Wool in Canada, we have located a UK manufacturer who is willing to manufacture scarves in a small quantity by commercial standards. The fine Tartan chosen by you, and designed by our member Carol Martin, will be woven of wool, sized 180cm (app 70 in) X 30cm (app 11½ in) with tassels of 7cm (app 2 3/4 in). We will approve the cloth material this coming week. It appears a custom label may be expensive given the quantity required - we will do our best to resolve that issue and deal with somewhat tiresome but important details remaining, such as the method of shipping to Canada and potential duty and taxes. It is our hope to come up with firm pricing in June, and shortly after to solicit pre-orders within the price range acceptable to the several hundred members who expressed interest in a scarf. All of which is to say - we are on track, and look forward to producing and getting to you the League’s first - and long overdue - piece of apparel suitable for both women and men! AND NOW.... WHAT (SOME OF) YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR... OUR SPRING SALE! These monarchical souvenirs, for one reason or another not suited to our annual Silent Online Auction in September, have been donated to the League in recent months. Many would be suitable for young people to interest them in the Monarchy and history. IF YOU WANT TO PURCHASE AN ITEM/ITEMS, PLEASE CONTACT US FIRST TO MAKE SURE YOUR CHOICES ARE STILL AVAILABLE. WE WILL THEN CALCULATE THE POSTAGE APPLICABLE TO YOUR ORDER, AND GIVE YOU A LIMITED TIME TO PAY ONLINE VIA THE LEAGUE STORE, THE ONLY FORM OF PAYMENT FOR THIS SALE, BEFORE MAKING THEM AVAILABLE TO THE NEXT MEMBER REQUESTING. 1) THREE CORONATION 1953 MAGAZINES The Sphere, Illustrated, and The Illustrated London News, lovingly used condition, each telling the story of the Coronation as only the British can do! The advertising is fascinating, too. These will be enjoyed as living images and texts describing the beginning of a glorious Reign! $20 2) SIX ROYAL SOUVENIR PUBLICATIONS Maclean’s magazine’s tribute to Diana on her death; Pitkin glossy colour booklet Charles and Diana’s Wedding day; The Queen’s Silver Jubilee Pitkin-sized booklet; another similar-sized booklet by Ronald Allison: The Queen - The Life and Work of Elizabeth II; Illustrated London News Royal Year 1986; Illustrated London Newscoverage of The Marriage of Princess Anne, 1973. $25 3) HMY BRITANNIA POSTER Sized app. 16 x 20 inches, a glossy photographic portrait (2002) of The State Rooms aboard Britannia. Especially appropriate now that the Yacht is, in a way, to be replaced by the HMS Prince Philip. In a tube with Britannia-watermarked tissue paper and a gold Britannia seal, we suspect it was sold at the resting place of the ship, now a tourist attraction. Some water stains. Will need to be dry mounted to remove creases from rolling, after which it will occupy pride of place in a den, a kid’s bedroom or a man cave! $25 4) A CRAZY FUN ITEM: COLOUR RUBBER 3-D DIANA KEYCHAIN You will never lose your keys with this app 1 3/4 inch high rubberized moulded Diana key chain! We’ve not seen anything like it previously. You might well use it - or display it as a sure conversation-starter on a shelf, perhaps next to a bobbling Queen! $20 5) SILVER JUBILEE MEDALLION & CHARLES AND “LADY DIANA SPENCER” WEDDING CROWN Both 1 1/2 inch diameter. Gold-coloured Souvenir medallion bears profile of The Queen, 1977, with a surround referencing the Jubilee. The Crown, encased in a plastic holder by the Westminster Bank, is official coinage from 1983, with the usual image of The Sovereign on front, and verso, a profile of Charles and Diana with a surround referencing the occasion and year. $25

(the mark on the Royal Arms is not a defect, but a seller's sticker that is not on our plate)6) UNUSUAL, RATHER-MODERN IN DESIGN, SOUVENIR PLATE FOR SILVER JUBILEE - BY WEDGEWOOD A heavy 10" plate produced by Wedgewood in 1977, respectful and colourful, but, in our view, not really “traditional” and thus of special interest. A deep blue silhouette of Thhe Queen in centre, surrounded by the Garter motto, with tne lancets extending which depict Heralds, Guardsmen and elements of the Household Cavalry and one Royal Shield surmounted by the Crown. Many decorative flowers, Rim references the Jubilee and states “God Save The Queen.” Crimson tracery surrounds the plate. Condition: as new $35 (The picture is the Van Dyke etching of the King, whose image appears in the framed print offered below)

7) A CANADIAN-FRAMED PRINT OF KING CHARLES ENGRAVING After the original by Van Dyke, the engraving from the original owned by the Earl of Pembroke, it is unusually but attractively framed, we believe in pine, ready to hang, with modern “Art handmade Plaque Canada” sticker on back. The entire object is app 10 x 13 inches, with the engraving proper about 5 ½ x 10 inches. Condition - engraving darkened by age but distinct; frame: excellent; print: slight water-stain foxing at bottom adds authenticity rather than detracting from the overall appearance. $50 8) BOOK: CHARLES & DIANA VISIT CANADA Vivid colour pictures, hardback, published by Collins, and covering many moments from the Royal couple’s 17-day first visit to Canada in 1983. Condition: excellent. $15 9-14) LIVING HISTORY: DRY-MOUNTED ROYAL PHOTOGRAPHS From the collection assembled by the federal government in Diamond Jubilee year, these are terrifically “usable” as, hard mounted without “frames” they are light in weight - and ready-to hang in your den, or child’s room, or to fill a wall with multiple pictures! All are app 10 x 14 inches b&w unless noted otherwise. We will advise you of the postage cost at time of your inquiry, as this varies considerably depending on your postal code. If anyone wishes to purchase all seven of these at a favourable price, please contact us immediately. 9. In colour: Prince Edward in his late teens, a broad smile on his face as he leans against an oak and relaxes on autumn leaves with his Labrador Retriever. $15 10. Front cover of Paris Match depicting The Queen returning in the Golden Coach from her Coronation, Orb and Sceptre displayed, and Prince Philip by her side. $20 11. Princess Elizabeth on the telephone in her office at Buckingham Palace, 1946. $15 12. In colour: The Good King, George VI of late, happy and beloved memory, wearing a tan jacket - a reflective portrait on the grounds of Buckingham Palace. $25 13. The Princesses Elizabeth & Margaret Rose, probably just after the war, looking ready to go out for an evening in lovely beaded formal dresses. $20 14. Our favorite of this tranche of pictures. Colour shot of the Royal Family, shortly after the War, in the Palace Gardens. The King, The Queen and the Princesses are seated on wicker chairs - with Elizabeth’s dog beside her. This happy family - “we four” - exemplifies the bequest of a happy, close family life that made our Queen such an extraordinary person. $30 15. Colour 3/4 length study of a beaming Princess Elizabeth, hands clasped in front, on her 19th birthday. $25 16. The shade of the Abdication not yet visible, this 1936 picture shows the future King and Queen as Duke & Duchess of York at the door of their Piccadilly residence, with a serious-looking Elizabeth holding her Mother’s forearm. $25

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BEING A PROUD MEMBER OF THE MONARCHIST LEAGUE OF 🇨🇦 CANADA 🇨🇦

💜🙏🏻🙂✝️💟PG💟✝️🙂🙏🏻💜

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

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storiesforallfandoms · 5 years ago

Text

family ~ shelby family;peaky blinders

word count: 3531

request?: no

description: when a long lost shelby sister arrives after the death of her half brother, it takes a life threatening situation for her brothers to accept her as family

pairing: shelby family x sister!reader

warnings: swearing, violence, crude comments

masterlist

She took a deep breath and entered the building. Many men dressed in fine dress shirts and black pants were walking around, carrying arm loads of papers and talking so loudly it was hard to hear what anyone was saying. She wasn’t sure who to speak to. She wasn’t sure if she should really speak to anyone. Maybe she should just leave now and forget doing this.

A passing man stopped suddenly and turned to look at her. “You lost, girl?”

She shook her head. “N-no. I mean, I don’t think so. Is this where Thomas Shelby works?”

“This is where they all work,” he told her. “Do you have an appointment? Mr. Shelby is very busy.”

“I don’t, but...it’s a family matter. If I could see him whenever he’s available, I’d really appreciate it.”

The man eyed her a moment before nodding for her to follow him. She followed him up a set of stairs to a large looking room. The letters on the door read Thomas Shelby. Suddenly, she was feeling more nervous. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it in her ears and her head was spinning.

The man knocked at the door. “Mr. Shelby? There’s a young girl out here asking to speak with you. Says it’s a family matter.”

“Send her in, Devlin,” a voice responded.

The man, Devlin, opened the door to the office part way, nodding for her to enter. She thanked him before walking in.

He was sat at a desk - his desk - with his head down reading some papers. He looked up as the door closed behind her, taking off his glasses to look her over once as Devlin had done moments before.

“Do I know you?” he asked. “You’re no family of mine, you must be some messenger from the Changrettas.” He stood, taking a cigarette from his coat pocket and lighting it. “Come on then, what do you have planned for my family now?”

“I-I don’t know any Changrettas, sir,” she stuttered.

Tommy looked at her, confused. “Well then, why the fuck are you here?”

“I’m here because...well...” She took a deep breath and said, "My name is (Y/N) Shelby, and I’m here because I’m your sister.”

~~~~~~

Nearly an hour later, (Y/N) was sat at Tommy’s desk. In front of her stood the entire Shelby family; Polly, Arthur, Tommy, Ada, Finn, and Michael. They were taking turns exchanging looks between them before looking back at her, all of them uneasy.

“Whose kid are ya?” Arthur asked first, finally breaking the silence. “You’re definitely not our mum’s, she only had the five of us before she died. Dad never had any other wives after mum.”

“He didn’t have a wife, but he had a mistress,” (Y/N) explained. “My mum, her name was Edith Hollett.”

(Y/N) opened the hand bag she had with her and pulled out a picture, placing it on Tommy’s desk for her family to see. Polly picked it up first to look at it. Sure enough, there was her brother, Arthur Shelby Sr., with an unknown woman that looked like an older version of (Y/N). She passed it to Arthur next.

“They met when mum was travelling,” (Y/N) explained. “They had a love affair that lasted months. He left suddenly, telling her he couldn’t stay because he had a family and a wife waiting for him. She had no idea when she met him. She was so distraught and angry. She tried to reach out to your mum to tell her the truth of what her husband had done, but she couldn’t track her down. A few months later she realized she was pregnant with his child. Again, she tried to get in contact but couldn’t find him, or her, or anyone really. She figured he either gave her a fake name or told everyone he knew not to let her speak to anyone in his family.”

“Why did you come looking for us now, then?” Ada asked, returning the picture to the desk in front of (Y/N). “Why did you come looking at all?”

“I had no idea who my father was,” (Y/N) explained. “Mum never told me. My grandparents didn’t know about the affair, no one close to mum did so none of them knew who my father was either. Mum never married, it was just me and her my whole life. She died a few days ago, caught a bug she couldn’t shake. After she died I was given a note she had written while she was pregnant with me. It explained everything; who my father was, that I had half siblings that I didn’t know about, what my real name was. She told me she wanted me to know you, to have a family that wasn’t just her, but she wasn’t able to track any of you down. She told me it was up to me what I did with the information I had, but she said she wanted me to have a family after she was gone.”

The Shelbys looked between each other. This didn’t surprise any of them. Their father was far from father of the year. The fact that he fathered a child through an affair seemed right up his alley.

“So what is it you want?” Tommy asked. “Money? Security?”

“I wanted to meet you,” (Y/N) responded, confused by his question.

“Well, you met us,” Arthur said. “Now it’s time to get goin’.”

(Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “What, that’s it? You find out you have a sister and you’re shoeing her out the door like that?”

“You ain’t our sister,” Arthur hissed. “You’re just the bastard child our asshole father produced from an affair. We don’t owe you anything.”

Arthur’s comment hurt. (Y/N) looked down at her lap to try and hide the tears she felt starting to form in her eyes. This was not how she expected this meeting to go. Sure, she didn’t think she’d be welcomed with open arms immediately, she was the product of an affair their father had on their mother after all. But she thought maybe they’d want to get to know her a little, not insult her and push her away almost immediately after meeting her.

Finally, she composed herself enough to stand. “Well, I guess I ought to get going then.”

“Wait,” Polly said. “Don’t go yet. The boys are just upset, they just lost their brother. Please, stay a while. Come over to mine, I’ll make you something to eat. Just us girls, no hotheaded boys.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “No, I’m not welcome, therefore I shall leave."

She made a point of bumping Arthur’s shoulder as she walked out, angering her eldest brother enough that he could’ve strangled her right then and there. She paused at the door a moment before deciding to add, “Can’t say I’m shocked by this behaviour, coming from the children of a man who can’t even stay faithful to his own wife.”

And with that, she was gone.

~~~~~~

(Y/N) found the closet bar in town, intending to drink away her frustration and sadness. She couldn’t believe they had really just tossed her out like that, like she was nothing more than just some street beggar looking for shelter. Sure, she wasn’t their full sister, but she was still their sister for fuck sake!

She sat up at the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice her presence. She felt her annoyance rise when he looked her way and promptly ignored her.

“Excuse me,” she said, her voice raised enough to be heard. “I’d like a whiskey please.”

“We don’t welcome women who are alone at this bar,” the bartender told her. “Come back when you’re on some gents arm.”

“I am a fucking Shelby!” (Y/N) snapped. “And I fucking demand to be treated with some goddamn respect, now get me a fucking glass of whiskey!”

The bartender’s eyes widened then and he quickly hurried off to get her drink. (Y/N) smirked to herself. She could get used to being a Shelby and using the name to her advantage. Even if her family didn’t welcome her, that didn’t stop her from using their influence.

The man next to her looked up as the bartender passed her the glass of whiskey. “You’re a Shelby? I haven’t seen you before.”

“Long lost sister,” (Y/N) responded. “I’ll get my birth certificate for you if you need proof.”

The man chuckled. “No, I believe you. You have the attitude of a Shelby.”

(Y/N) grunted at the response. While she was enjoying having the Shelby power, she wanted nothing else to do with that shitty excuse of a family. She especially didn’t want to be compared to them.

The man waved to the bartender, grabbing his attention, to tell him, “Whatever she buys, put it on my tab.”

“You don’t have to do that, I can buy my own drinks,” (Y/N) told him.

“I don’t doubt that you can, but I’d like to be a gentleman,” he responded. He offered her his hand and said, “Luca.”

“(Y/N). Nice to meet you, Luca.”

They talked for a while. Taking advantage of his kindness, (Y/N) ordered enough glasses of whiskey that she was starting to get properly drunk. She could barely see straight or form a coherent sentence. Luca, although had been drinking quite a bit as well, seemed more sober than her. She made sure to keep an eye on him in case he tried to take advantage of her in her drunken state.

“Where are you from, Luca?” she slurred after some time. “We’ve been talking this whole time and I haven’t even asked. You have a really nice accent.”

Luca smiled. “I’m from America, but my parents are Italian.”

“Oh, I’ve never met an American! Or an Italian! Today is my lucky day!”

Luca chuckled. “I guess it is. You may know my family, we’ve been in much contact with the Shelbys recently.”

(Y/N) scrunched up her nose as she took another sip from her drink. While the glass was raised to her lips, Luca finished, “We’re the Changrettas.”

(Y/N) knew that name. She wasn’t sure how, but she did. It rang a bell. Why did it sound so familiar?

Through the drunken fog in her head, (Y/N) managed to pick out where she had heard the name before: Tommy had mentioned it earlier. When (Y/N) walked into his office, he asked her if she was a messenger for the Changrettas. He asked what the Changrettas had planned next for his family.

Alarms were going off in (Y/N)’s head. Changrettas were not good, this man was not good.

She was looking at Luca over her glass of whiskey. He didn’t look friendly anymore, the exact opposite really. He was smirking at her in a way that sent a shiver down her spine.

Before she could do anything, something covered her head and everything went black.

~~~~~~

(Y/N) woke up sometime later. She was much more sober than she had been at the bar, and was now more aware of her surroundings.

She was tied to a chair in the middle of what seemed like an abandoned building. There were men stood around her, one she recognized as Luca Changretta.

“Well, good morning sleeping beauty,” he said. “We were wondering when you’d wake up.”

“Where the hell am I?” (Y/N) demanded.

Luca shook his head. “I don’t believe you are in any position to making those sorts of demands right now. Not when you’re near moments away from losing your life.”

(Y/N) felt her blood run cold at this. She looked around her, counting how many men were there. There was four of them, four men who looked fully capable of taking her down if she tried to run. She tried to move her wrists to find that they were bound so tight that it would was impossible to do so. There wasn’t even any way that she could escape.

She was stuck, she was trapped, and she was dead.

“Why kill me?” she asked, trying to buy herself some time. “What have the Shelbys done to you?”

“I would think they had filled you in on what they’ve done,” Luca told her. “With you bein the replacement for that boy we killed and all.”

The woman, Polly, she mentioned that they had lost a brother. These bastards murdered him. Now they intend to murder me!

“Please!” (Y/N) scoffed. “They kicked me to the curb the moment they learned who I was. I’m just the bastard of an affair their father had. They have no love for me, they didn’t even want me there. That’s why I was at the bar.”

Luca looked skeptical of her story. “The Shelbys aren’t the sort to cast out their own. They’re all about their family, especially when it’s starting to get smaller.”

“They said it themselves, I’m not their family,” (Y/N) told him. “I met them for the first time just hours ago. We may share blood, but there’s no love between any of us. If you kill me, they won’t care. It won’t hurt them, it won’t affect them. They’ll probably be overjoyed if you did.”

“We don’t want that,” Luca said, tapping his gun against his lips as if he were thinking.

“Let us have our fun with her, Luca,” one of the Changretta men said. “If we can’t kill her, let’s do the next best thing to piss Thomas Shelby off - send her home with a belly full of one of ours.”

(Y/N) pulled at her leg restraints then. Bound just as tight as her arms. There really was no way of stopping these men if they tried to have their way with her.

Luca shook his head. “No, no that won’t do. Besides the fact that Thomas Shelby has the money and the connections to get rid of it, I won’t have you breeding with one of them.”

(Y/N) tried to make her sign of relief not so obvious.

“No, what we’re going to do is we’re going to let Thomas Shelby know that we have his little sister, and tell him whether he cares for her or not she will be executed by the time the sun rises tomorrow,” Luca decided. “And we’ll tell him that, unless he comes to us before her death, we will frame him and his entire family.”

~~~~~~

(Y/N) watched out the window as the sky began to lighten. The sun was beginning to rise, meaning her death would follow shortly.

In the hours since Luca’s decision, (Y/N) had come to terms with her inevitable fate. What did she really have to live for anymore? Her father was a deadbeat asshole who left her and her mother, his children - her siblings - were less than welcoming, her mother was dead. She didn’t have any other family. She was completely alone. Might as well be alone and dead.

(Y/N) put her head back, letting it rest against the back of the chair as she closed her eyes, waiting for the Changretta men to return. Any moment now they’d be here, and her life would be over.

She heard the footsteps before she decided to see who was coming. She figured it would’ve been Luca, ready to kill her. Instead, she found Thomas Shelby standing before her.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“What do you care?” she hissed.

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Only because Luca threated to frame you and your family for my murder.” Tommy approached, inspecting (Y/N)’s bindings. “You’re being incredibly stupid, you know. Your coming here isn’t going to save me, he’s gonna kill us both now.”

“You’re a natural born Shelby,” Tommy muttered as he pulled a knife from his coat. “Just shut up and let me free you. Arthur and our boys are going to deal with Luca and his men. The minute I cut you free, you run like hell back to my house, I’ll give you the address. Polly will be there, she’ll make sure you’re alright.”

“Why are you doing this?” (Y/N) asked. “I thought I wasn’t family.”

Tommy looked up at her after cutting her wrist free. “Like Polly said, we were angry. Our brother, John, was just killed by the same men who took you. We’re angry, we’re upset, we weren’t ready for this bombshell to be dropped on us. But it doesn’t matter who your mother is, you’re still a Shelby. And we look after our family.”

He finished cutting (Y/N) free and helped her to her feet. Her body was stiff from being tied to the chair for hours. She could just barely walk at first. Tommy had to assist her to the door. Before he could bring her to freedom, a bullet hit the wall next to them, ricocheting off the wall and just narrowly missing (Y/N).

“I knew you’d try to free her,” Luca said, his gun still aimed at (Y/N) and Tommy. “The minute I heard gunshots and my men yelling, I knew exactly what it was. Yet another Shelby distraction. Well, it didn’t work this time, did it?”

“I’m the one you want, Luca,” Tommy said. “Let her go. She has nothing to do with this. She only just met us today.”

“She’s a Shelby,” Luca insisted. “You care for her. Therefore, she’s a part of this.”

“You’ve already killed one of ours!” Tommy snapped. “We only killed two of yours, kill me and let the girl go.”

He was standing in front of (Y/N) protectively. Standing behind him, (Y/N) noticed that Tommy had his blazer hitched up, revealing the gun tucked in his waistband. She looked up at him to see he was looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He had a plan, of course he had a plan.

(Y/N) grabbed Tommy’s gun and pointed it at Luca, pulling the trigger before he could comprehend what she had done. The bullet missed any major organs, but did hit Luca in a way that incapacitated him. Tommy grabbed his gun and (Y/N)’s hand and the two raced out of the abandoned building.

They climbed into Tommy’s car, which was parked just outside. (Y/N) watched the abandoned building disappear behind them as Tommy drove quickly away from it. “What about Arthur? And your men?”

“They have their own ride back,” Tommy responded. “Luca’s men don’t stand a chance against them. I have no worry for our men.”

In near moments, they were outside of Tommy’s house. He helped (Y/N) into the house, despite her arguments that she didn't need help. Polly met them in the foyer, immediately fussing over her.

“Are you alright? Did those men do anything to you?” she asked. “I’ll fucking murder the lot of them. Chop their dicks off and shove them down their fucking throats.”

“I’m fine, Polly,” (Y/N) insisted. “They didn’t do anything. Luca wouldn’t let them. They just wanted me dead.”

“She held up on her own pretty well,” Tommy told Polly. “A natural Shelby, she is.”

“She’s not being involved in any of your fucking plans,” Polly told him. “She’s still a child. You’ve already taken Finn’s childhood from him - ”

“Who says I want to be a part of anything?” Polly and Tommy stopped to look at (Y/N). She looked between them, annoyed. “Nearly 12 hours ago, you were telling me we weren’t family. You asked me if the only reason I sought you lot out was for money. Now you’re here, debating on whether or not I’ll be a part of your business?”

Tommy stepped past his aunt, placing his hands on (Y/N)’s shoulders so she would look at him. “Listen, we were mistaken. You are a part of this family, you’re our family. It’s up to you if you want to stay, and if you do it’s up to you if you wish to be a part of our business. But if you decide to leave, to be by yourself, just know that we will always be here to help you - the Shelbys and the Peaky Blinders. No matter where you are, no matter what trouble you’re in, you call, we’ll be there. We’re family now, (Y/N). In this family, we look out for one another.”

(Y/N) looked up at Tommy. Her whole life, she had been an only child, and now she had not only one big brother, but two, plus a big sister, and a little brother. She looked over at Polly, already like a second mother in her life.

The promise of continuous security and power beyond her wildest dreams was also a pretty good deal.

She smiled at them both. “Well, since you seem like you need a little more estrogen in your company, and some more youths. I guess I can stay. What kind of jobs you got for me within the business?”

#peaky blinders #Thomas shelby #Arthur shelby #polly shelby #ada shelby #finn shelby #Michael gray #polly gray #Shelby family #peaky blinders imagine #PEAKY FOOKIN BLINDERS #sister!reader #imagine #one shot #netflix

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myrsparv · 4 years ago

Text

I got this message, and I was originally going to ignore it, but I cannot reply to the person, nor can I see the content on their blog, so I assume they blocked me? Which I think is strange, since they asked me a question and now I cannot give them a direct answer. Well, anyway, I decided to get into it.

If you simply googled searched, you would get a very straightforward answer to what ”tradfem” is. As defined by urban dictionary, a tradfem is,

”a portmanteau of "traditional feminism" in reference to belief that adherence traditional feminine gender roles are better or more correct, especially those held by conservative Christian Americans, especially WASPs. Often in opposition of more modern women's rights and feminist movements, non-traditional gender roles (I.E. women wearing pants, having jobs. Clair thinks a woman's place is in the home. She runs a tradfem blog and posts pictures of women in dresses with long hair and discusses child rearing and cooking.”

Enjoying the aesthetic of traditional femininity (such as long hair, dresses, aprons, pink etc) is not inherently harmful. It is however a red flag for many, especially LGBTQ+ folks, people of color, and non-christians, and I’m guessing indigenous folks as well. There are many reasons why people are put off by this aesthetic, and I’ll get into it, but it is a long discussion and I am not linguistically armed for it, as english isn’t my first language. But I will do my best to explain.

Traditional femininity romanticises traditionally feminine clothes, practices and relationships, and shares many visual ideas as well as patterns of how things were ”back in the day,” when women were stay-at-home-wives who cooked and took care of kids. This idea is very US-centric, very American Dream-esque, but it also borrows elements from Europe from a time where colonisation and slavery and other more or less questionable and harmful things were at the forefront. There is also a LOT of overlap with fascist and alt-right nationalist ideas within the tradfem community, which should be enough for folks to feel uncomfortable and want to distance themselves from such a community and voice their distaste for it and wish to not be associated with them.

And let’s talk about this ”traditional feminism”. It is not inclusive or productive at all, and only benefits those who are higher up in power, primarily white, cishet women (and hardly them honestly,) in a western society. I suppose it is similar to earlier waves of feminism, which I might add only included the white cishet women, and excluded ex black people. What is it achieving, and for who? Who are included in this idea of feminism? Is it feminism at all, if the pursuit doesn’t have an end goal where equality/equity is achieved?

These blogs who are dedicated to traditional femininity and traditional feminism often say that there is nothing harmful about what they’re doing, that they’re simply enjoying an aesthetic! But here is the thing.

There is nothing wrong with liking to bake pies and share pictures of lambs, and dream of having a humble home with a partner to love and where the only worry you have is if you burnt your bread or not. You may even currently be a stay-at-home-wife, and there’s honestly nothing wrong with that. That is your choice, and if that makes you feel good and empowered, good for you.

However, this choice in your way of life is not an act of feminism.

On the contrary, it is anti-feminism to limit the freedom of others and infringe on their ability to make choices for themselves, such as careers, how to dress, how sexually active they want to be and if they want abortions or not, wether or not trans people should have access to transitioning, how people practice their religions, the list goes on. As soon as you say ”women belong at home” or ”abortions should be illegal”, you are taking away people’s rights to make choices for themselves, and oppressing others in your quest for feeling un-oppressed. It is not feminism to oppress, but to work against oppression, so once again you would be more-so aligning yourself with sexism and other more, aha, traditional ideas of what people’s place in society are - usually with the white man on top of the rest, the white woman second in command. That is not feminism.

Additionally, to say that feminism is only about men and women isn’t true - it goes hand in hand in combating racism, fascism, homo- and transphobia etc, and if ”your” feminism doesn’t include everyone then it simply isn’t feminism. So, when we look at this traditional femininity-aesthetic, we do not see inclusivity of these marginalised people. We only see the white christian and privileged woman, who may have the choice to decide for herself that she wants to be a traditional wife, a traditional mother, whatever it is - but other people are not able to make this choice for themselves, but are rather forced into a place where they are controlled and oppressed against their will, and it would certainly leave a bad taste in their mouth to see people choosing to do the same and say it is feminism, when it very clearly is not. You are in a privileged position and you need to realize that.

You cannot turn a blind eye to the harmful ideas that you are putting forward by engaging and spreading these types of images and posts that are being echoed within the tradfem community. You need to reflect on yourself and your values and where you got them from.

To say you know trans people in real life does not exempt you from holding transphobic ideas, and you should still practice some introspection on your own values and biases, and try to understand why on earth a trans person would feel uncomfortable and a distaste for ”traditional femininity” that ultimately doesn’t recognize trans people, or people of colour, or non-christian folks. You may love your trans nephew, and your black college, and your jewish neighbour - but that does not mean you don’t hold prejudice and carry harmful ideas that you may spread around and signal to these people around you that they ultimately cannot trust or rely on you because of your stance with traditional values, that has over the course of time excluded and harmed and ignored and killed these people.

To say that you are not infringing on me is also a lie. You are aggressive in your message to me, and showing a lack of understanding to where I am coming from with my stance, and you didn’t ask me to explain in a polite way. I do not know who you are, and I do not care much either, but your ideas could be harmful and damaging to me and the people I want to protect and help. I am not personally attacking you when I say ”tradfems stay away from my blog”, I am taking a stance and saying I do not align myself with their ideals, and stand in solidarity with LGBTQ+ folks, people of color and non-christians. If you feel like that is a personal blow and attack upon you, then I really suggest you practice some self-reflection and ask yourself if you are making the people you care about feel safe around you - like your trans nephew that you mentioned.

There is a vast difference in relationship with the content we consume based on our identity. Me as a white queer person from southern Sweden will have one kind of a relationship to cottage core, whilst an indigenous person from the USA has a COMPLETELY different view on the aesthetic and what it means, because of our differences in culture, history, power in society, location and identity, and it is very important that I, as a white person, ask myself what ideas I am putting out there. I do not wish to cause harm, so I have to look at the content I consume with a critical eye and ask myself what ideas and values I put forward, and who they benefit, and who they oppress. It is important to listen to the voices of others and create a space where communication and inclusivity is welcomed - and ”tradfem” isn’t a welcoming community, as it only portrays the traditionally feminine and traditionally accepted woman - the white young woman who is blind to the world around her and can’t see past her own privilege. Hell, cottage core isn’t a welcoming community either, and I have been vocal in my criticism of it since I first started interacting with it two years ago.

Simply not being transphobic, not being racist, not being a fascist and not being sexist etc isn’t enough for people to feel safe, and isn’t enough to keep people with those harmful ideals away from you - you have to be actively AGAINST these things and talk about it and show it to people in order for it to matter. Silence is a violence too, now more than ever.

Sorry that this post is so long, I hope I’m making any sense at all with this. So yeah, uh, tradfems can fuck off my blog.

#talks #am i making sense at all?#it is a hard subject to make into sense when your language stops you from expressing yourself

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itgetsdarksometimes35 · 5 years ago

Text

Small Price to Pay

Warnings: Non con, dub con, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, little bit of childbirth, slight depression, 18+

Word count: 2,973

Pairings: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Summary: Reader is the youngest girl in her family and her father is looking to sell his daughter into marriage next. She’s able to fend off majority of the men who come to court her, but then a mysterious man with eyes the color of the ocean comes into the picture. Money is a small price to pay for a happy life after all.

~ indicates a time change

Prompts: The song “Light” by Sleeping at last

A/N: This is for @marvelfulxbabes challenge that I’m so thrilled to be apart of. I’m sorry for the hiatus, school is always way busier during the 2nd semester, but I have a bunch of stuff coming out. As for my series they may take a while, so I’m sorry if you were invested in those. They are coming though, I miss them deeply. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

Ps: Thinking about part 2 to this, whatcha think? ;)

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Your father was a douchebag. Plain and simple. He had bought your mother from your grandfather and he had sold your older sisters to men twice their age. Now that you were 18, it was your turn. You were extremely close to your sister, Anne. She was the third oldest and the last to leave you alone with your two younger half brothers. She was the most like you and always fought back the men who came to bid on her like property. Sadly, a man came by and easily found it charming. She always said to never give in, figure out what they want and do the opposite. You’d be successful only until dad finds a man who doesn’t give a damn at all. They were out there, but your father had failed nearly a thousand times already.

Since your birthday, at least three men have come to your house to try to court you. In fact, that’s what your birthday present was, a rich man named Tony Stark there to court you. He worked as a CEO on the upper east side for a well known tech company. He was loaded, and your father wanted in. You figured out Tony like proper and well spoken ladies, someone to show off at his expensive Galas filled with people who spoke seven different languages. So, you acted a slob. Spilled your fancy tea all over yourself and his prestine suit, mispoke several words, use vulgar language, and acted painfully stupid. Tony marched right out and your father made you kneel in rice until your knees bled. It was worth the pain.

It’s been six months and your father was unsuccessful. You have never seen your sisters since their marriage and you missed them, especially Anne. You didn’t want to end up a housewife somewhere with no say in anything. When your mom died your father quickly remarried, it was as if your mother meant nothing to him. You’d be damned if that happened to you. If you were going to get married, it’d be for love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wake up, you have a visitor.” Your father shook you awake. You rubbed your eyes and looked to your father, he was already smoking a cigar even though it was 8am. You groaned and got out of bed, walking to your closet, pulling out a t-shirt and jeans.

“Oh no, you can go out like that.” Your father pointed to your sleep shorts that showed off your legs and cupped your ass perfectly; your top was a thin tank top that showed your hardening nipples. You rolled your eyes and started walking to your door, shouldering your way past your father.

You walked into the living room and saw a man standing there with his back to you facing the window. His arms were folded and you saw one sparkling in the light, he had a metal arm. You gasped at it and stopped in your tracks. The man turned to you and the corners of his mouth threatened to rise. He was hot. His hair was pinned out of his face in a man bun, he wore navy blue dress pants and a white button up dress shirt that had he rolled to his elbows. His eyes were as bright as the diamonds the strange men bring to you in order to try to buy your love.

“Mr. Barnes, my daughter. Daughter, Mr. Barnes.” The way your father said daughter bit at your nerves. He knew introducing you with a title rather than your name made you feel inferior, as if that’s the only thing there was to know about you. You glared at your father before turning back to Mr Barnes. He extended his flesh hand to you.

“Pleased to meet you. I doubt your name is daughter, though.”

He smiled at you, but it didn’t meet his eyes. You took his hand and faked a smile. “Mmmhm, it’s not. Y/n will do just fine.” Mr. Barnes shook your hand before gesturing to the couch.

“Take a seat, let’s get to know each other.” At that your father excused himself, but not before casting you a warning look. You smirked back at him before taking your seat next to Mr. Barnes. “So, how old are you?”

“97, just a few years younger than you.” You bit at him. You always lead with sarcasm, if they laughed they were serious and you’d have to become boring. If they didn’t that means you had to continue being “unladylike.”

Mr. Barnes eyebrows shot up before he laughed a bit. It wasn’t real, he was uncomfortable. He was easy to read, you had this in the bag.

“Alright, I see why you’re so uptight. I wouldn’t like it if men were to come in and try to buy me either. Believe it or not, I used to hate this practice.”

“Yet you’re willingly here and seem to be enjoying it.” You cocked your head to the side, your smart mouth making him shift a bit.

“My younger sisters have been victims of this trade,” Mr.Barnes ignores you, “I always said I wouldn’t do it. As time has gone on, no woman of value isn’t being bargained off. You should be lucky your father cares for you so much, the ones who aren’t cared for are just thrown out into the world.”

“Grateful? My father sold my sisters like livestock for a couple millions and I haven’t seen any of them in years! This “bargaining” system is destroying families and is never created equal. What do the men and young boys suffer? What do they lose? They can still go see their family. They still have freedom.” Your voice raised, the audacity that these men had always blew your mind. They didn’t understand and never would, so why did they try to sit there and try to make you? They saw how unhappy their sisters and mothers were, yet they continued on with this bullshit for generations. If you ever were married off and had a son, you’d beg him to stop the cycle. You’d try even harder to protect your daughter.

Mr. Barnes sighed and sat up a bit more. “I’m sorry doll, I didn’t mean to upset you. I meant it as a compliment, honest.” You crossed your arms and glared at him. He looked apologetic but you didn’t care. You weren’t here to be nice, you were there to survive as long as you possibly could.

“Well, Mr. Barnes, your intentions don’t seem to have worked out, did they?” You raised your chin and said his name with a poison that even stunned you. There’s no way he’s gonna want you.

“My real name is James, sorry for the formicality,” Mr.Barnes was suddenly smiling and standing up. He crossed to the door that separated the living room and the main area in your house. Where your father was sitting on the other side. What just happened?

You lookedon with curious eyes as James opened the door and called for your father. He was still smiling and your father rushed over, angry eyes finding yours before turning soft at James when he saw his beaming face. “We have a deal, sir” He shook your father’s hand while your jaw dropped. Fuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two million dollars. That’s how much you’re worth apparently. You don’t know where you went wrong, but being a brat was only going to work so many times. James apparently didn’t mind at all that you had a mouth, in fact he was telling your father how much he loved it. He said while looking for a wife he pretended to be proper so that when the girls acted the way they thought he wanted them to, boring in his opinion, he knew they weren’t for him. You, on the other hand, spoke your mind and were feisty. It ignited a flame James believed was dead.

You looked on with glossed over eyes as you say your belongings being packed away and set in a moving truck. It was mostly irreplaceable objects such as photos and your favorite clothing. James promised to buy you new things and to add a new wardrobe. He must’ve been loaded because after dropping that much he still promised so much more. Lucky girl you were.

You signed a paper while a ring decorated your finger and numbly kissed James on the lips to seal your marriage. He wore a similar band on his left hand finger. “Congratulations, may your marriage be filled with joy, blah blah blah.” Your father blabbered while he sucked on another cigar and counted the money James had given him.

James took you to his house. It was a humble suburban home on the outskirts of New York, much different than your penthouse in the city. There was a white picket fence and freshly trimmed grass decorating the outside. “We’re home, doll.” James cut the engine of his BMW, putting his hand on your thigh. You changed into a short blue summer dress that complimented your skin tone and brown wedges. You looked like your mom and every other dutiful wife you’d known.

You stepped out of the car and looked up at the house that you’d be spending the rest of your life. The sky was clear and beautiful but you felt the depressive clouds that rained over cul de sac, drenching their housewives. The weight these women held, loving the men who cheated, hated, and abused them. James came up behind you and pulled your waist so that you leaned on him. He kissed your cheek and looked into your eyes. “I can’t wait for us to fill the rooms in the house. I can see it now, two kids a boy and a girl. Maybe more if it feels right.” Your stomach churned at the thought. You didn’t want kids with him. But it didn’t matter, when you signed your name you signed away your happiness. The light had gone out in your soul.

“Yes dear.”

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Two years into your marriage felt like a decade. Every day was the same: wake up, make breakfast, see James off to work, clean, shower and look pretty for James, cook dinner, welcome James home, eat dinner and ask James about his day, have sex, and go to sleep. The sex at first was painful and he was never gentle. He was never lovey dovey, never brought flowers, just wanted a one-sided relationship.

You always went to visit his family and friends on holidays or you hosted his family and friends at your house. You hadn’t seen your family and, even though you hated your dad and never really talked with your stepmom and brothers, you missed them for the similarity. You were missing your brothers growing up, one was three when you left the other was six. You asked once to see your sisters and James merely shrugged it off. “You would only bother them” he reasoned, “They’re busy running a household like you. They don’t have time for useless small talk.”

Today it wasn’t your alarm that woke you up. It was the vomit that was rising in your stomach, pushing its way out of your mouth. You ran to your bathroom and puked in the toilet. You continued gagging and dry heaving when everything was out of your tummy. James walked in rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and yawning. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“N-nothing, dear. I’m sorry for waking you.”

James shook his head and walked closer to you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I think I just ate something.”

James frowned. “We eat the same thing, have for years. You always skip lunch because it ruins your appetite for dinner. I’m not feeling sick.” His lips showed signs of cracking a smile as he bit his finger, pretending to ponder what could be going on.

You knew what he meant. It had been two years of sensless fucking. Like you had held out on marriage your body had held out on pregnancy, but just like your marriage to james, your body had come to a point that it could no longer fight.

James opened up the medicine cabinet behind the mirror and pulled out a pink box. He reached in and pulled out to reveal two white sticks. He handed them to you. “Take them.”

You reached out and took the sticks, starting to pull your pants down so you could pee. Thirty minutes later, James’ phone timer rang and he looked at the sticks. His face scrunched as pure joy took over his features. He held the sticks out to you. “We’re pregnant!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had just gotten done with your baby shower and you were now sitting down for a break before you would get up and start cleaning. You rubbed your sore back and nine month old belly. Baby boy was bigger than normal, James said it was because of his special genes. James was saying bye to his best friend, Steve, before he shut the door and turned to you. Of course, nobody you were close with was at the party, just James’ family and close friends. He did say he had phones your father to tell him the news, but he failed to send even a card. You had grown to not expect much or feel sad for the neglect you got emotionally from your husband or your father.

James made his way to you, he was still smiling. “Not much longer, doll. We’ll be meeting this big guy any day now.” He rubbed your belly before grabbing your hand, pulling you up to stand despite your pain. “Dance with me.” You both danced to music that wasn’t playing and you felt your son kick. You smiled, the light you thought you’d lost was slowly lighting again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The contractions were horrible. Nothing you had ever felt before. You were screaming and clutching James’ hand as you were being wheeled into the hospital room. Nurses and doctors poked and prodded at your skin, asking you questions you weren’t capable of answering due to the immense pain you were feeling. Your legs were propped up and James moved closer to you, still holding your hand. The doctor came to stand between your legs before sitting in a chair. He nodded to James while you sobbed out as a new wave of pain washed over you. “Alright, Mrs. Barnes, push.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your schedule was thrown off balance a bit, you had a newborn now. You still did the majority of the things the same, wake up, make breakfast, get James Jr, or Bucky as a nickname, and feed him, see James off to work, clean up, bathe and dress Bucky, clean and dress yourself up, make lunch because it was important for breastfeeding now, walk around to settle Bucky for a nap, cook dinner, greet James, feed Bucky, get him ready for bed, have sex with James, and sleep yourself.

You loved your son unconditionally, he slept in the crib next to you and James’ bed for now. “Easier access” James had said. You didn’t mind, you were closer with the love of your life.

James held your wrists in one hand as he thrusted into you, his hips crushing into yours at fast and hard rhythm that was sure to leave bruises. His moans and skin slapping skin was the only thing you could hear in the room, Bucky was sleeping soundly.

“Fuck, your pussy is so good for me. Still so tight, even after Bucky. Shit I’m gonna cum, gonna fill you up so you can give me a girl. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, James.”

“Mmm, good girl. My good girl.” James finished inside you, grunting in the process. He rolled over and released a long breath. “You’re such a good mom, doll. Such a good wife.” He sleepily rambled. You hummed in response and rolled over to face Bucky, watching as his tiny hands scrunched into fists and his steady breaths caused his chest to rise and fall. His light blue and grey onesie and matching hat barely fit, he was growing faster than you thought any baby did. You’d ask James to buy more soon. Maybe he would let you go too, picking out baby clothes for your son would make you so happy. You’d work towards it, make James’ favorite meal and might even throw in a few blowjobs.

Bucky’s face started to contort and he soon started to fuss, his pacifier falling out of his mouth. You looked at the time and knew it was time for his feeding. He ate a lot but that’s just what a growing boy like him needed, plenty of food. You picked him up before he could wake James and guided him to your nipple. He stopped crying and started sucking, looking at you with big blue eyes like his father. You let you fist wrap around your finger as you slightly rocked and quietly hummed. Bucky was the light you needed in your life. He made your soul glow again, and he gave you hope for the future. Hidden in the dressure was money you were slowly stealing from James. Five dollars here, another ten there. By this time next year you’d have enough money to leave with your son Bucky. You’d leave with your sisters to live in a house Anne had found in Germany.

Bucky let go of your breast and cooed. He looked at you with sleepy eyes as he let out a small yawn. You smiled. “With every heartbeat I have left, I will defend your last breath.” You promised your son. He was the light, and you felt you could sleep peacefully at last knowing he was right there with you.

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@jtargaryen18

#marvelfulxbabeswritingchallenge #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes x reader #non con #dub con #dark!marvel #dark!mcu

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shiredded · 5 years ago

Text

A white animation student’s take on Soul and POC cartoons

This got long but there’s lots of pretty pictures to go with it.

Hi, I’m Shire and I’m as white as a ripped-off Pegasus prancing on a stolen van. Feel free to add to my post, especially if you are poc. The next generation of animators needs your voice now more than ever.

My opinion doesn’t matter as much here because I’m not part of the people being represented.

But I am part of the people to whom this film is marketed, and as the market, I think I should be Very Aware of what media does to me.

And as the future of animation, I need to do something with what I know.

I am very white. I have blue eyes and long blond hair. I’ve seen countless protagonists, love interests, moms, and daughters that look like me. If I saw an animated character that looks like me turn into a creature for the majority of a movie, I would cheer. Bring it on! I have plenty of other representation that tells me I’m great just the way I am, and I don’t need to change to be likable.

The moment Soul’s premise was released, many people of color expressed mistrust and disappointment on social media. Let me catch you up on the plot according to the new (march 2020) trailer. (It’s one of those dumb modern trailers that tells you the entire plot of the movie including the climax; so I recommend only watching half of it)

Our protagonist, Joe Gardner, has a rich (not in the monetary sense) and beautiful life. He has dreams! He wants to join a jazz band! So far his life looks, to me, comforting, amazing, heartfelt, and real. I’m excited to learn about his family and his music.

Some Whoknowswhat happens, and he enters a dimension where everyone, himself included, is represented by glowing, blue, vaguely humanoid creatures. They’re adorable! But they sure as heck aren’t brown. The most common response seems to be dread at the idea of the brown human protagonist spending the majority of his screen time as a not-brown, not-human creature.

The latest trailer definitely makes that look pretty darn true. He does spend most of the narrative - chronologically - as a blob.

but

That isn’t the same as his screen time.

From the look of the trailer, Joe and his not-yet-born-but-already-tired-of-life soul companion tour Joe’s story in all of its brown-skinned, human-shaped, life-loving glory. The movie is about life, not about magic beans that sing and dance about burping (though I won’t be surprised if that happens too.)

Basically! My conclusion is “it’s not as bad as it looked at first, and it looks like a wonderful story.”

but

That doesn’t mean it’s ok.

Yes, Soul is probably going to be a really important and heartfelt story about life, the goods, the bads, the dreams, and the bonds. That story uses a fun medium to view that life; using bright, candy-bowl colors and a made-up world to draw kids in with their parents trailing behind.

It’s a great story and there’s no reason to not create a black man for the lead role. There’s no reason not to give this story to people of color. It’s not a white story. This is great!

Except...

we’ve kind of

done this

a lot

The Book of Life and Coco also trade in their brown-skinned cast for a no-skinned cast, but I don’t know enough about Mexican culture to say those are bad and I haven't picked up on much pushback to those. There’s more nuance there, I think.

I cut the above pics together to show how the entire ensemble changes along with the protagonist. We can lose entire casts of poc. Emperor's New Groove keeps its cast as mostly human so at least we have Pacha

And while the animals they interact with might be poc-coded, there’s nothing very special or affirming about “animals of color.”

So, Soul.

Are we looking at the same thing here?

It’s no secret by now that this is an emerging pattern in animation. But not all poc-starring animated films have this same problem. We have Moana! With deuteragonists (basically co-protagonists) of color, heck yeah.

Aladdin... Pocahontas... The respect those films have for their depicted culture is... an essay for another time. Mulan fits here too. the titular characters’ costars are either white, or blue, and/or straight up animals. But hey, they don’t turn into animals, and neither do the supporting cast/love interests.

Dreamworks’ Home (2015) is also worth mentioning as a poc-led film where the deuteragonist is kind of a purple blob. But the thing I like a lot about Home is that it’s A Nice Story, where there’s no reason for the protagonist to not be poc, so she is poc. Spiderverse has a black lead with a white (or masked, or animal) supporting cast. But, spiderverse also has Miles’ dad, mom, uncle, and Penny Parker.

I’d like to see more of that.

And less of this

if you’re still having trouble seeing why this is a big deal, let’s try a little what-if scenario.

This goes out to my fellow white girls (including LGBTA white girls, we are not immune to propaganda racism)

imagine for a second you live in a world where animation is dominated to the point of almost total saturation by protagonist after protagonist who are boys/men. You do get the occasional woman-led film, but maybe pretend that 30 to 40 percent of those films are like

(We’re pretending for a second that Queen Eleanor was the protagonist, because I couldn’t think of any animated movies where the white lady protagonist turns into and stays an animal for the majority of the film)

Or, white boys and men, how would you feel if your most popular and marketable representation was this?

Speaking of gender representation, binary trans and especially nonbinary trans people are hard pressed to find representation of who they are without the added twist of Lizard tails or horns and the hand-waving explanation of “this species doesn’t do gender” But again, that’s a different essay.

Let’s look at what we do have. In reality, we (white people) have so much representation that having a fun twist where we spend most of the movie seeing that person in glimpses between colorful, glittering felt characters that reflect our inner selves is ok.

Wait, that aesthetic sounds kind of familiar...

But I digress. Inside Out was a successful and honestly helpful and important movie. I have no doubt in my mind that Soul will meet and surpass it in quality and and in message.

There is nothing wrong with turning your protagonist of color into an animal or blob for most of their own movie.

But it’s part of a larger pattern, and that pattern tells people of color that their skin would be more fun if it was blue, or hairy, or slimy, or something. It’s fine to have films like that because heck yeah it would be fun to be a llama. But it’s also fun to not be a llama. It’s fun to be a human. It’s fun to be yourself. I don’t think children of color are told that enough.

At least, not by mainstream studios. (The Breadwinner, produced by Cartoon Saloon)

It’s not like all these mainstream poc movies are the result of racist white producers who want us to equate people of color with animals. In fact, most of those movies these days have people of color very high up, as directors, writers, or at the very least, a pool of consultants of color.

These movies aren’t evil. They aren’t even that intrinsically racist (Pocahontas can go take a hike and rethink its life, but we knew that.) It’s that we need more than just the shape-shifting narratives of our non-white protagonists.

It’s not like there isn’t an enormous pool of ideas, talent, visions and scripts already written and waiting to be produced. There is.

But they somehow don’t make it past the head executives, way above any creative team, who make the decisions, aiming not for top-of-the-line stories, but for the Bottom line of sales.

When Disney acquired Pixar, their main takeover was in the merchandising department. The main target for their merchandise are, honestly, white children.

So is it much of a surprise

that they are more often greenlighting things palatable for as many “discerning” mothers as possible?

I saw just as many Tiana dolls as frog toys on the front page of google, so don’t worry too much about The Princess And The Frog. Kids love her. But I didn’t find any human figures of Kenai from Brother Bear, except for dolls wearing a bear suit.

So. What do I think of Soul?

I think it’s going to be beautiful. I think it’s going to be a great movie.

But I also think people of color deserve more.

Let’s take one more look at the top people who went into making this movie.

Of the six people listed here, five are white. Kemp Powers, one of the screenplay writers, is black.

It’s cool to see women reaching power within the animation industry, but this post isn’t about us.

We need to replace the top execs and get more projects greenlit that send the message that african, asian, latinix, middle eastern, and every other non-white ethnicity is perfect and relatable as the humans they were meant to be.

Disney is big enough that they can - and therefore should - take risks and produce movies that aren’t as “marketable” simply because art needs to be made. People need to be loved.

Come on, millennials and Gen Z. We can do better.

We Will do better.

TLDR: A lot of mainstream animation turns its protagonists of color into animals or other creatures. I (white) don’t think that’s a bad thing, except for the fact that we don’t get enough poc movies that AREN’T weird. Support Soul; it’s not going to be as bad as you think. It’s probably gonna be really good. Let’s make more good movies about people of color that stay PEOPLE of color.

#soul #pixar #disney #poc #animation #long post #shire screams

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thecorteztwins · 5 years ago

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Something I’ve noticed in fiction and RP backstories is that when a character is LGBT, the parents/family react only one or two ways: Total acceptance with no issues, or rejecting/disowning/beating/attempting to kill their kid/etc And both these things do happen in real life. But what’s also very common, and which I rarely see represented or discussed, is a lot of places between the two extremes. For instance, many families are homophobic, but don’t want to lose their child, and the child wants to be themselves but not cut contact with their family. So you get scenarios like having bachelor Uncle Ted and his also-bachelor roommate Rob, who has been his roommate for 20 years, and may even get invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone refers to him as Uncle Ted’s roommate or his friend, and Uncle Ted introduces him that way too, and it’s not until you’re 25 years old that you realize “oh, fuck, Uncle Ted is gay and Rob is his partner!” As bizarre as that scenario seems, it’s a VERY common story. Again, a great many families will, for the sake of keeping the peace, just reach an unspoken agreement that they won’t acknowledge it or bring it up, and that will do the trick. Another common scenario is that Uncle Rob and Ted have been together for 20 years, but you never knew because in this version Ted was never introduced to you, let alone invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. In this version, the family will still accept Uncle Rob, but he has to do more than just say Ted is his roommate, Ted can’t be in the picture at all and Rob can’t mention him to anyone, especially not his parents or to you kids. You don’t find out about Ted till you’re an adult and between homes and need a place to stay and shack up at their place. It’s totally surreal but it happens. It happens a lot. There are also many parents who will be fine with their kid being gay in theory, but upset at the idea of the kid bringing home a partner. Or they’re fine with that, they just can’t let the partner meet the grandparents or extended family, who aren’t as accepting as the parents are, that’s very often the case. They may also “accept” when their teen or twenty-something comes out, but that’s because they expect it to just be a phase, and become concerned when it proves NOT to be. Or, if the kid is bisexual, they may assume they were proven correct when the kid brings home an opposite-sex partner. There are also parents who have nothing against homosexuality or bisexuality or being trans in themselves, but who have concerns related to what risks their child will be exposed to because of it. I once read an interview with a black lesbian who came out to her mother, and her mother’s reaction wasn’t to condemn being gay itself, but it wasn’t positive either---her mother said “You’re already black and a woman, why do you want to add being gay on top of that?” Her mother’s concern was the oppression her daughter would face. Likewise, a family might love their gay son no matter what, but be worried when he comes out as gay because they believe that this means he’s very likely to get AIDS, and they don’t want that to happen to him. My mother’s very accepting of ALL people on the LGBT rainbow, but she has said to me that she is less worried about me as a lesbian in this regard than a gay man, because STDs are harder to spread between cis lesbians. Speaking of my parents, they’re about the most accepting pair I could ask for. My sexuality is a non-issue to them, and they support all forms of gay and trans rights. But they’re also in their 60s, and not part of the LGBT community itself, and certainly not actively following how rapidly terminology and ideas are evolving now in the age of the Internet; the accepted view and words used around trans people, for instance, have changed really radically just in the past 10 years. So, my folks do hold some ideas that modern Tumblr would deem “problematic” such as my mom feeling that gay men are inherently more artistic and nurturing, because that’s what the gay men she’s known were like. Also, while she does NOT believe this anymore, she used to believe that men became gay because their fathers were bad or absent, because that’s what was the common view when she was a young woman in the 80s, and matched the situation of the gay men she met. She likewise asked me if I was a lesbian because sex with women was more gentle. Again, she knows you’re born gay NOW but in the past, those were common ideas, and the ideas that she therefore was exposed to. It didn’t make her hateful or bigoted, she was accepting of gay people even before I was born, let alone before I came out, but it did make her incorrect and going off stereotypes that corresponded to her own experiences and perceptions. So maybe your character’s mom didn’t have a fit and throw them out, but maybe she did also think that now her son would want to go shopping with her or that her daughter would want to take up golf. Also, while both my parents are very accepting of sexuality, they do get a bit more problematic in terms of how they judge gender expression. My mom is uneasy with butch women, and my dad kind of scoffs/is amused by femme men (yet oddly, has no issue with trans women, nor does my mom have an issue with trans men) This is another VERY common viewpoint I encounter---people not having an issue with the idea of same-sex activity and relationships in themselves, but in how “flamboyant” the person is. With many people, they disapprove of flamboyant gay men and butch women, but oddly in some cases it can go the other way around too; there are people who are just fine with the idea of flamboyantly gay makeup artists, drag queens, talk show hosts, fashion gurus, and hairdressers, but are more uneasy at the idea of perfectly “normal” businessmen or soccer moms who just also happen to be queer. There’s entire articles (probably essays) out there about how gay men in particular are marketed by shows like Queer Eye as basically being cute happy helpers to straight people, the cliche Sassy Gay Friend who just exists for the sake of supporting his female friends, etc. I’ve often wondered if lesbians don’t get the same media presence because we’re not seen as “useful” to heterosexual people in the same way (not that it’s any fun for real gay men to be pigeonholed that way either) So your character’s family may accept them but also start expecting stereotypical behavior from them, like giving their girly-girl daughter a tool kit after she comes our, or they may not BELIEVE them when they do because they’re NOT stereotypical, and that’s the only exposure to gay people that they have from media. You’ll notice I’ve thus far given examples only for a kid being gay or bi. That’s because I’m going off things I’ve personally encountered or heard of. I don’t have a lot of stories on how people react to their kid coming out as trans, but I imagine there’s just as much variation; I would check places like AskReddit for coming stories if you’re looking to find examples of reactions that are likewise somewhere in between total acceptance vs total rejection. For people who are asexual or non-binary, I reckon the biggest issue is just that the parents don’t know what the heck that even is, or don’t believe it exists, but I may be wrong, since I also don’t have much experience with this nor heard much secondhand either. Again, I’d seek out real stories from people and see what ideas you can get from those. Everyone’s coming out story or story of a family member’s coming out (or how said family member never came out, etc) is a little different. I hope this was helpful!

#writing #rp stuff #rp tips #writing tips #lgbt #writing lgbt #out of cortez

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years ago

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Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 2

Chapter Title: Home

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @alievans007, @tragiclyhip

He wakes to the sound of knuckles rapping against the bedroom door and the voices of his two youngest daughters. A hearty, home cooked meal and a soak in the hot tub had been exactly what his weary and aching body had needed. Barely managing to pull on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before exhaustion had taken over; passing out -face down- in the middle of the double king in the master bedroom. It isn’t an easy feat; napping in a house filled with seven kids. There’s always some level of chaos; near constantly bickering between the four oldest, the three littles shrieking and giggling as they chase each other around, the sound of the television or the explosions and gunfire coming from a video game being played. The latter accompanied by the occasional outbursts of profanity as Declan and TJ argue over who is beating who. If he has been away or been logging way too many hours handling things behind the scenes and DOES manage to catch some extra sleep, Esme does her best to keep the volume down; usually taking the kids down to the water or into town for a few hours. In the same way he does for her; giving her much needed ‘mommy breaks’ from time to time and letting her have the entire house to herself. It's the least he can do; let her have the house to herself to catch up on sleep or just sit and read a book on the back or to have a glass of wine while indulging in a bubble bath by candlelight.

Life is crazy in their home; noisy and chaotic and their schedules filled with work or running the kids around to their extra curricular activities. It’s tiring and often extremely frustrating; dealing with THREE preteens, a kiddo with Tanner’s additional issues, and both Brooklyn and Declan so high spirited. Addie and Takota are the easiest to deal with; one very bubbly, affectionate, and extremely social, the other quiet and thoughtful and extremely mild mannered. It’s an existence he’d never thought he’d have. Losing his first child -and the horrible mistake he’d made leading up to it- had nearly destroyed him; the combined feelings of profound grief and guilt eating away at him and leading to his addiction issues. He’d never thought he’d get another shot at a normal life; a chance to be a husband and a father again. And while he regrets the years he spent putting his family last and running away out of fear of failure, he knows many more ahead of him; many more chances and opportunities to make things right.

“Daddy?” Addie’s voice accompanies the continued knocking on the door. “Are you awake?”

He rolls over onto his back and presses the heels of his palms into his weary eyes. “Yeah…” he pushes his hands through his hair and stretches; wincing at the pain and stiffness in his lower back. “...I’m awake.”

“Mumma says dinner will be ready in about half an hour. She sent us to tell you.”

“I’m here too!” Brooklyn pipes up. “Can we come in? Can we come see you?”

“We want snuggles,” Addie says. “We haven’t had daddy snuggles in a LONG time.”

“In a really long time.” Brooklyn adds.

“We really want to snuggle with you,” Addie’s tiny voice has a pleading quality to it, and he can’t help but smile; picturing that pout and those sad little eyes and the way she tucks her chin into her chest.

She is definitely her mother; the petite stature and the small, delicate features and that smooth, pale skin accentuated by the dark strands of hair that frame her face. Their personalities are a match as well; bubbly and social and easily excitable. And the smile. So beautiful. Pure, even. Always genuine; brightening their entire face and making those dark eyes sparkle. Perhaps it’s why...out of all the kids...he tends to baby Addie. Not just that impossibly tiny build and that sunny and light disposition that never fails to make him smile, but because she IS so much like her mother. A constant reminder of the person who single handedly changed his life; saving him in every way a person CAN be saved.

“Daddy?” Brooklyn raps her knuckles against the door once again. “Can we? Can we come for snuggles?”

“What do I get out of it?”

“You get to see us!” Addie gives a dramatic huff. “You’re two most favourite girls in the whole world!”

“Get in here, then. If you’re going to put it like THAT.”

The door swings open and the girls come rushing in; giggling as they toss themselves onto the bed and scramble up towards him. Gathering them into his arms when they settle on either side of him; showering their cheeks and foreheads with kisses and running his hands over their silky, dark hair. Despite being almost a full year old, Addie remains the smaller of the two; petite in stature, possessing her mom’s small, almost dainty features and those enormous dark eyes. Esme in every possible way; appearance, personality, even the same body language and facial expressions. Brooklyn is a mix of both mom and dad; tall and lanky with his eyes and Esme’s dark hair and pale skin. She’s feisty and fearless; a lot of energy and tenacity packed into the skinny frame. She reminds him of TJ; stubborn and temperamental, yet loving so deeply and profoundly.

The girls settle in next to him; each of them with a hand resting on his stomach and their heads on his chest. His palms smoothing over their hair and then settle on the middle of their backs. It’s the greatest achievement of his life. If not the ONLY achievement. Being a dad is the one thing that he can truly be proud of; having a hand in creating seven beautiful human lives and being entrusted to bring them up to decent adults. Nothing drives him to want to be better and do better than his family. Wanting nothing more than to be the kind of father that his kids talk about and remember fondly when they have their own children. Seeing him love their mother with everything he is and everything he has; respecting her and treating her well and insisting they do as well teaching them what they should do and expect in a relationship.

It’s what he wants for his sons; finding someone they love and they want to devote themselves and who make them happy. And the same goes for his daughters; hoping the way he treats their mother teaches them what they should expect from the men -or women- in their lives. He never wants them to settle for less; end up with someone like Mark that will degrade them and abuse them in every possible way. They’re strong; like their momma. And being taught how to respect and take care of themselves. But he’d gladly take an assault charge and do time in jail messing up something that hurts his girls.

“Daddy?” Addie places her chin on his chest and reaches up to run her palms along his cheeks. “Why’d you have to go away?”

“I had some business to take care of.”

“You had to go be a boss?”

“I had to go and do a favour. For Uncle Anil.”

“What kind of favour?”

“Did you have to kill someone?” Brooklyn inquires, and lifts his arm and slips under it, pushing her tiny fingers through his much larger and longer ones.

“Why would I have to kill someone?”

“TJ said that before you became a boss, you used to go and kill people,” she explains. “Really bad people. That hurt good people. Is that true? Is that what you used to do?”

“Once in a while, yeah.”

“Is that why you went away?” Addie asks. “To kill someone?”

“I went away to do a favour for Uncle Anil and that’s all you two need to know. You been having a good time? Being back in the city?”

“It’s not as fun as when you’re not here,” Brooklyn says. “Mommy tries, but it’s hard for her to have fun with ALL of us at that same time. That’s a lot of kids; for her to try and make happy all at once. Especially when Millie is being Millie. She never wants to do anything with the rest of us.”

“She’s been really mean,” Addie adds. “To mummy. TJ got mad at her for it; he freaked out and threatened to kick her ass.”

He stares at her pointedly. “Pardon me?”

“Kick her butt, I meant. He was really mad. He said when you’re gone, he’s in charge. And that if you wouldn’t let Millie talk to mummy like that, he wasn’t going to let her do it either.”

“Then they had a big fight,” Brooklyn chimes in. “ And mummy started yelling at Millie and then Millie said she hated her and it made mummy sad. She locked herself in the pantry. I think she was crying. TJ said to leave her alone; that she’d come out when she felt better. Then he made us a snack and took us into the backyard to play in the snow. Why is Millie being like that? Mean to mummy? Mummy doesn’t deserve that. She’s an awesome mummy.”

“If we got to pick our mummies and daddies, I’d pick mummy over everyone else,” Addie muses. “She loves us. She cuts the crusts off our bread and makes dinosaur shaped pancakes and puts chocolate chips in them. And she always gives us the biggest pieces of cake or pie and just takes a little bit for herself. And she’ll make herself something different to eat, if there’s not enough for all of us. Even if it’s just a peanut butter sandwich. She says it’s what mummies do; make sure their kids have everything first. “

“She’s a good mummy,” Tyler agrees. “She’s an amazing mummy. I couldn’t have asked for a better one for you guys. And you’re right; she doesn’t deserve Millie being that way. Is that why mummy sent her out? With her friend?”

“Mummy’s feelings were really hurt,” Brooklyn pouts. “Because she tries really hard to take care of us and Millie acts like that.”

“I’ll talk to mummy. Cheer her up. And I’ll talk to Millie too.”

“Millie told us not to tell you,” Addie informs him. “She said she’d kill us. In our sleep.”

“Well, she won’t get the chance. Not if I kill her first.”

“You won’t kill Millie. She’s your daughter.” Brooklyn’s fingertips trace the tattoo that takes up the entire length of the inside of his left forearm. A permanent version of the stick figure drawing that Millie had inked onto him five years ago; their entire family -at the time- including the two dogs. The last set of twins had been added afterwards; Millie reluctantly adding two new siblings to the mix. “Maybe you can just lock her in the attic. Just feed her once in a while.”

“I can’t do THAT either. I’d go to jail. You don’t want me going to jail, do you?”

Brooklyn shakes her head. “I don’t even like when you go away for a weekend. I don’t want you to go to jail for the rest of your life. We’d never see you.”

“Mummy would bring us to visit,” Addie says. “She’d make sure we got to see him.”

“Mummy isn’t going to take us into a jail,” her sister argues. “That’s not a nice place, Ads. There's a lot of bad there.”

“Daddy’s not bad. But he’d be there. If he killed Millie or locked her up.”

“Mummy still wouldn’t take us. She wouldn’t want us in a place like that.”

“We would have to Skype then. Or Zoom.”

“Not the same. That’s not like seeing him in person. I want to see him in person. That’s why he CAN’T lock Millie up. We’d never see him again. Would you want THAT to happen?”

“No. I’d be really sad. If I didn’t get to see daddy again.”

Tyler grins. “You two do realize I’m right here, yeah?”

“Who would get the spiders and snakes out of the house?” Addie frets. “Mummy freaks out when she sees them. Remember the time she screamed and woke us all up? Almost made me pee my pants. All ‘cause there was a Huntsman on the stove.”

“Mummy was so scared!” Brooklyn giggles. “Remember she was crying? And swearing? And was yelling at daddy to get the spider? And daddy put in the container and chased her outside with it? She said she was going to divorce him because of it. She never did though.”

“But did he have to sleep on the couch for a week,” Addie says. “ I do remember that. Because he tried to sleep in my bed and it was way too small for both of us. His legs were hanging off. ‘Cause he’s like ten feet tall.”

“I’m only six three. But that was funny, wasn’t it? Chasing mommy with the spider? Even if I DID have to sleep on the couch for a week. It was worth it. Seeing her freak out like that.”

“It was hilarious!” Brooklyn enthuses, then turns serious. “But don’t tell her I said that. I don’t want her making me sleep outside. It’s cold out.”

“Your secret is safe with me. I promise.” He presses a kiss to one forehead, then the other. “What’s mummy making for dinner?”

“Chicken parm. Yummm.” Addie rubs her stomach enthusiastically. “It’s the one thing she cooks REALLY well. Well, the only thing she cooks well.”

Tyler can’t help but chuckle. “You’re savage.”

“It’s the little ones you have to watch out for. You know what mummy said?”

“I’m kind of scared to ask.”

“She said you’re taking Brookie and I d\to the American Girl store. For lunch. Two days after Christmas.”

“That’s news to me.”

“She said it’s your turn to do it,” Brooklyn says. “She did it two years in a row. It’s time for you to take one for the team. That’s exactly what she said. Are you? Are you going to take us?”

“I guess I am. Any other dads go to that place?”

“I don’t know,” Addie shrugs. “I’ve seen a couple, I guess. You’ll really do it? You’ll really take us?”

He nods. “But I am NOT wearing a tiara or anything girlie. Got it?”

“What about a fancy hat?” Brooklyn suggests. “Or one of those feathery scarves? Like we have in the dress up bin.”

“What did I just say? I’m taking you there. Isn’t that enough?”

“I told you,” Brooklyn grins victoriously at her sister. “He doesn’t know how to say no to us.”

“*****

She’s in the kitchen; denim clad ass on full display as she leans against the island. Forearms resting on the granite counter top as she flips through that day’s copy of the New York Times; a glass of white wine and a half eaten bar of chocolate within reaching distance. The littlest girls remain upstairs. Their hysterical laughter and the pounding of footsteps echoing through the house; Declan and TJ chasing them throughout the second story while roaring like dinosaurs. In the living room, Tanner teaches an intensely focused and intrigued Takota how to play checkers; the board placed on an ottoman in front of the gas fireplace.

Esme gives a small start when he curls an arm around her waist; his free hand moving her ponytail away from the nape of her neck and his lips pressing against the soft, supple skin. “Hey sleeping beauty,” she greets, as both of his hands settle on her hips and she leans back against him. “Feeling better?”

Nodding, he presses a kiss to her temple, followed by the cheek, then the corner of her mouth. “Thank you. For letting me sleep.”

“You needed it. You’ve had a hell of a five days. That’s a heck of a lot of travelling; tons of hours in the air. I’m surprised you didn’t just want to stay in bed. You could have said that you know; that you just wanted to sleep. I would have understood; I wouldn’t have been offended.”

“I spent five days away from you guys. I don’t want to miss another minute. Although, I gotta say, I had quite the wake up call. You throwing me under the bus.”

She tilts her head back and grins up at him. “Girls must have told you about the lunch at American Girl.”

“They did. And I have to say, that place? My own personal hell.”

“Every year since we started having Christmas here, they’ve got to have lunch there. I’ve taken them there both years. And besides…” she turns around to face him, hands coming to rest on his sides. “...the only day I could get reservations, was the same day that I’m taking Millie, Declan and TJ to the Rangers game.”

“What about Ovi? Or Riya?”

“Ovi is taking Tanner to the American Museum of Natural History. They do it every Christmas.”

“Riley?”

"She and Shaena aren’t arriving until two days after. Come on…” she repeatedly rubs her palms up and down his ribs. “...I’ve done it two years in a row and I can’t do it a third. Do you want me to be an alcoholic? Or to eat my weight in cheesecake? Or both? Because if I have to go to that place again…”

“What do I get out of it?”

“I’m sure we can...arrange...something. I’m not above doing favours.”

He grins. “What kind of favours?”

“Sexual ones. EXTREMELY sexual ones. Unless there’s other favours you’re thinking about.”

“No. I think sexual favours would work just fine. I won’t turn those down.”

“I’d probably die of a stroke if you did.”

“Well, we don’t want that, do we.” His palms slide around to her ass and he pulls her even tighter into him; her hands settling on his biceps and she stands on her tiptoes and into a kiss. And he both hears and feels her giggle when his fingers dig into the flesh of her ass.

“So is that a ‘yes?” Esme asks. “You’ll take Addie and Brookie to American Girl?”

“You really thought I’d say I wouldn’t do it?”

“Everyone has their limits. I thought that just might be yours. They really DO have you wrapped around their little fingers.”

“Who do you think they get THAT from? Their ability to do that?”

“I have no idea. I have no clue where they could have gotten that from. Must be a gift.”

“Yeah, a gift their mother gave them. I was pretty much wrapped around your little finger from that first day, so…”

“Only took you twelve years to admit it. I mean, I’ve known it this entire time. It was pretty obvious. To everyone BUT you.”

“Everyone?”

“Everyone. And what’s up with these?” She reaches between and slides her hands under the front of his t-shirt; fingers toying with the ties on the waistband of his joggers. “Gray sweats? You know my weakness for gray sweats. Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Is that what it takes these days? Me wearing gray sweats?”

“You could be wearing a garbage bag and you’d manage. You’re pulling out all the stops. Flowers, gray sweats. Although the latter? I already know what’s under them; not like it’s a secret.”

“I thought you liked unwrapping your gifts?”

A grin slowly spreads from ear to ear. “Oh, I do. And it’s the gift that keeps on giving. You know, you didn’t have to try so hard. I was going to put out anyway. I mean, it’s been almost a week. I’m a little...frustrated...to say the least.”

“That makes two of us. You didn’t bring one of your little ‘friends’ to New York with you? One of your special toys?”

“Nope. I wanted to wait for the real thing. So you better not disappoint me, husband. I have very high standards. And expectations. If you don’t live up to those…”

“Have I ever NOT lived up to them?”

“That was a very good point.” Her fingers hook in the waistband of his sweats, once more standing on her tiptoes, giggling into his mouth and then pushing him away when his hands clamp down on her ass. “Thank you. For agreeing to you that. Going to the doll place. You’re a real trooper, husband. I owe you one.”

“I’ll add it to the list. Of the favours you owe me.”

“You have a list?”

“You don’t?”

“Maybe…” she sing songs, then turns back to face the island. “...and you’ll have to put up with them going on a little shopping spree. My mother send them gift cards; to American Girl.”

“Your mother actually sent them something?” He moves to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water before briefly stepping into the pantry; resurfacing with a handful of pills. Meds to control the mild to moderate pain and the inflammation from the arthritis that inhabits his body and an antidepressant AND psychotic. It’s old hat now; four times a day to control pain, the others taken twice a day to ward off any issues from his mental health problems. And it’s been five years of pretty good success; no major depressive episodes and only a handful of panic attacks. A far cry from the life he HAD been living.

“I actually think it was my step father. Have you noticed how things change every time they get back together? The emails start up, the birthday cards and money start rolling in, the Christmas gifts arrive. It’s like clock work; they hook back up, she attempts to come across as a normal grandmother.”

Uncapping the water, he swallows half with the handful of pills, then stands across from her and leans stomach first against the counter. “We both know there’s nothing normal about that woman. How you turned out relatively sane is beyond.”

“Relatively sane? Are you trying to say I’m just a tad INSANE?”

“I’m saying you have a tendency to be a little...high strung. A little neurotic.”

“Yet you still married me. Imagine that.”

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for big brown eyes and freckles.”

“Something tells me it wasn’t my eyes and my freckles that you first noticed. But whatever helps you sleep at night. But yes. My mother DID send them something. Shockingly, she sent them ALL something. I can’t believe she even remembered we have seven children. I thought maybe she stopped counting after Declan.”

“Well she stopped caring after TJ and Tanner. Remember how pissed she was that we named one of them after me?”

“Oh, I distinctly remember the epic hissy fit she threw in my hospital room. When we told her what their names were. I completely remember her meltdown.”

“Wasn’t it something about that name just setting the kid up for failure? I think I remember a part about me being a black cloud over the whole family and just bringing bad luck on the kid? Something like that, anyway.”

“She’s fucking insane. She always has been. I warned you; before we moved to Colorado. I told she was nuts. You thought I was overreacting.”

“I will never, ever doubt you again. And I’m going to regret even asking, and don’t take this as a sign I actually give a shit, but how is the old bitch doing?”

“Well, she’s still alive. Alive enough to grate on my nerves and make me want to drink. Alive enough to undergo her sixth round of chemo. What ever happened to the whole ‘she won’t live past a year’ scenario? That’s what we were told. SIX years ago. You think she’s THAT evil? So evil nothing can kill her?”

“I think she’s got a few horseshoes up her ass. She’s not done tormenting people yet, I guess.”

“Well she can right ahead and torment someone else. I’m not in the mood for her shit.” Picking up the glass of wine, she downs half of it, then moves to the fridge to grab the bottle out of the fridge.

“Something tells me that isn’t sparkling cider.”

“It’s the real deal. I actually had it delivered. It’s been a long day. Between dealing with my family and their attempts at reconciliation and your daughter between the spawn of Satan, be thankful I’m not already passed out on the bathroom floor.”

“Shades of last New Years Eve. She’s been that bad? Millie?”

“Bad doesn’t even begin to describe what she’s been like. Bad times...oh I don’t know...a thousand?” She fills the wine glass to the brim, then takes another long swallow. “Did you hear about my meltdown? How I locked myself in the pantry of sorrow and self pity? I know for sure the girls told you about that.”

“Yeah, they told me. Something about Millie saying she hates you.”

“Remember how she told me she hated me when she was six? Over the whole not telling her you were in the hospital thing? Remember I told you that nothing could possibly hurt more than your six year old telling you she hates you?”

Tyler nods.

“I was wrong. I was SO wrong. It hurts much worse when your eleven year old tells you. Because when they get to THAT age and you actually see and hear the hate they have for you? Yeah, that’s the real deal. And you know why it started? I asked her to unload the dishwasher. That’s it. She threw a fit; freaking out about how I’m lame and boring and stupid and I’m ruining her life and she hates me. That’s the kind of day I’ve had.”

Sighing heavily, he runs his hands over his face. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Oh that will go over real well. Like a fart in church. You know what that’s going to do? Cause an even bigger freak out. Over me turning daddy against her. You know that’s what she’ll say. She says it every time you get on her about something. She calls me a rat and a snitch. A cry baby. For running to you and whining about things. Her exact words.”

“Are you sure she wasn’t switched at birth? Are you sure they didn’t fuck up at the hospital and our real daughter isn’t out there somewhere? How did we have a kid like this? Neither of us are THAT bad.”

“I’d accept the switch at birth theory if she didn’t look just like you. If she didn’t have the same body language and facial expressions and all that. It’ll just make things worse; if you talk to her. She’ll just hate me even more and there’ll be even more drama in the house. Can we not have a nice Christmas? I’d like to have a nice Christmas.”

“With her acting like THAT? Won’t be too nice if she’s pulling that bullshit. She can’t get away with that, Me. She can’t talk to you like that. Disrespect you like that. I don’t let strangers disrespect my wife so I’m sure as hell not going to let my own kid do it. I’ll talk to her.”

“By talk to her, you actually mean put the fear of God into her.”

“If I have to. Is she home now?”’

“Up in her room sulking. Because some boy called her for her and I wouldn’t let her talk to him.”

“A boy called? Here. For Millie? Our Millie. Who doesn’t give a shit about boys back home. That’s who we’re talking about, yeah?”

“Some boy she met at the movies,” Tanner says, as he wanders into the kitchen and grabs two bottles of water from the fridge. “Aaron. What a dumb name. I bet he IS dumb. You’d have to be dumb to like Millie.”

“Okay, Nugget, that is not nice,” Esme gently scolds. “I know she’s been a holy terror since we got here, but that is not a nice thing to say about your sister.”

“She’s evil. She told Declan he’s adopted and that’s why he has red hair and doesn’t look like any of us. And she made Takota cry; she told him an alligator lived in the toilet and that the next sat down on it, it was going to bite his penis off.”

“And this was all on the first day here,” Esme addresses Tyler, and sips her wine. “And you wonder why I’m drinking.”

“I bet you it’s puberty,” Tanner says, as he turns on his heel and heads back to the living room. “I read about it, you know. It’s all about the hormones. Some people go totally off the reservation. I bet that’s Millie’s issue. She’s probably going to get her period soon.”

Esme scowls. “Thank you, Nugget. We really need to hear that. That just made things so much better.”

“I’m just saying, mum. It would explain A LOT. Didn’t you used to get all nutso when you had your period?”

“Not that my menstrual cycle is any of your business, but how old do you think I am? WHEN I had it? I still have it, thank you very much. Why do you think your dad comes home with cartons of ice cream and bags of chocolate bars at the same time every month? He knows it tames the beast.”

Tyler nods in agreement.

“I am NEVER getting married,” Tanner declares. “Too much craziness. I’m not dealing with THAT shit.”

Esme gives a derisive snort and looks at her husband. “Have kids they said. It’ll be fun they said.”

“I told you we should have stopped after the first one. But you didn’t want her to be an only child. You said she’d be lonely and hate us for not giving her siblings and people to play with. And now here we are.”

“Yes. Here we are. Seven later. And as much as they drive me insane and as feral as they are and even though I could run away sometimes, I love them. They drive me to drink, but I do love them. I’m not a perfect mother. I know that. But I try. You know I do.”

“You’re an amazing mum. Don’t don’t doubt it because Millie is being a bitch. Don’t take it to heart; I told my old man I hated him tons of times.”

“Your father used to beat you on the regular and lock in a shed for two days with no food. This is hardly the same thing. He gave you many reasons to hate him. Am I giving her reasons? To hate me?”

“No. You’re not. You’re a great mum, Me. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother for my kids. This is her. All her. And she doesn’t hate you. She loves you. You’re her mother.”

“I saw it in her eyes, Tyler. I heard it in her voice. She does hate me. And…” her voice cracks with emotion. “...and it hurts. Because I have tried so hard over the last eleven years to be a good mom. I’ve tried to be the complete opposite of what I had growing up. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. To make her hate me? What have I done? What mistakes have I made?”

“Me...come on…” Walking around to the other side of the island, he plucks the wine glass out of her shaky hand and sets it on the countertop. “...this isn’t about you.” Cradling her face in his palms, his thumbs brush against her cheeks as he presses a kiss to her forehead and then draws her into his arms; tightly pressed against him with one hand on the small of her back and the other on the nape of her neck. “None of this is about you.”

“Where did I go wrong with her? What…?”

“Nowhere. You didn’t do anything wrong. I know it hurts, babe. I know it makes you feel like shit; hearing her say those things. But it’s not your fault.”

“Something had to have happened. For her to be like this. I must have done something.”

“Hey…” he once more takes her face in his hands. “...stop. You didn’t do a goddamn thing wrong. This is all her. Whatever the fuck is going on, I’ll find out. I’ll talk to her.”

“Try not to make things worse.”

“I wouldn’t do that. You know I wouldn’t.”

“I just don’t get her. When I found out she was going to be a girl, I had all these plans. All these little daydreams. About how close we’d be and all the things we’d do together and how I’d be so different from my own mother. And I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard. Not to be anything like her.”

“And you’re not. You’re nothing like her.”

“I just don’t know what happened. Between Millie and I. And if I don’t know what happened, how am I supposed to fix it? She won’t talk to me. Not without fighting, anyway. And when she gets started in on me, TJ loses it. He flips his shit.”

“He’s protective of his momma. He always has been.”

“He is so much like you. It’s like watching and listening to a mini you. It’s scary sometimes; how alike the two of you are. Could you get him to rein it in a bit? Because he snaps and it’s not a nice thing to see. I’m afraid he’ll hurt her one day. Really hurt her.”

“I’ll talk to him too. He’s just protective. He’s trying to take care of you. But I’ll talk to him; get him to tone it down.”

“I thought he was going to beat the shit out of Jacobi today. That would not have ended well.”

“Yeah, he would have destroyed Jacobi.”

“He’s seventeen. TJ’s ten.”

“Don’t underestimate that kid. I’ve seen him fight. He took on four kids when he was five. Older kids. And beat the shit out of all of them. He could take Jacobi. No doubt in my mind. Should have let him try. I would have loved to have seen that.”

“Don’t encourage it. The last thing we need is him beating the crap out of Jacobi and Jacobi’s mother showing up on the doorstep.”

“Imagine how embarrassing that would be? Your seventeen year old son getting his ass beat by a ten year old?”

“We are not going to encourage our ten year old to beat anyone’s ass.”

“Ask me the kid deserves it. I know about his little crush on you.”

“He’s a teenager. I have seven kids. I’m forty one years old!”

“A very hot and sexy forty one year old.”

“In your eyes.”

“In A LOT of peoples’ eyes. What? You think I don’t know. That my wife’s a MILF? I’ve known it for eleven years. It’s nothing new. I’ve got thirsty women at the soccer park and on the playground, you’ve got horny seventeen year olds.”

“Only seventeen year olds don’t stand a chance. The women at the soccer park and on the playground? They’re all grown up.”

“And I don’t give a shit about a single one of them. I only have eyes for you, babe. Do I wear my gray sweatpants for anyone else?”

She grins. “No.”

“Do I wear them out in public? Or do I just wear them at home?”

“Just at home. Because you know I love gray sweatpant season. Especially YOU during gray sweatpants season.”

“Only you, Me,” he says, and cradles her face in his hands as he kisses her softly. “It’s always only been you. It always will be.”

*****

Despite having their own bedrooms, the three littlest insist on sleeping in the same bed; all climbing under the covers in Addie’s room and then settling down for a round of bedtime stories. They’re still excited from both his return and what it means now that he’s under the same roof. Christmas activities are now able to commence; decorating inside and outside, going to pick out a tree, a visit to Rockefeller centre, skating and sledding. The seven had all banded together, insisting that no lights or decorations be put up until daddy got there. It will be a whirlwind of activity; only a week before Christmas day and so many things that need to get done. An attic full of presents -shipped from Australia throughout the year and intercepted by Ovi and put into hiding- that need to be wrapped, lights that need to be put up outside, his own shopping that needs to get done. Never learning NOT to save getting things for the wife at the last minute.

He used to hate Christmas; too many memories -both good and bad- that tied him to his mother and in turn, the loss of her and his father’s torment and abuse. Even during his first marriage and when Austin was alive he’d sucked at ‘getting into the spirit; attempting to be happy and trying his best to enjoy the moments with his little family. As a single guy living in the shack in the outback, he’d simply ignored the holiday altogether; spending it drunk and high off his ass or taking jobs that no one else would. And it had been a struggle; getting used to a wife that loves Christmas and everything associated with it. But seeing the joy in her face and how excited his kids get leading up to the days before Santa’s visit had helped repair the wounds inside of him. Using their happiness as a way of igniting his own; quickly and effortlessly finding his own joy in the season and in making new traditions and memories with his family.

By the end of the third bedtime story, all three littles are asleep; girls passed out under each arm and Takota stretched out on top of him. It’s a feat to get away without waking any of them up. Somehow managing -despite the discomfort and tightness in his back that has him wincing- to set up and gingerly place his son in the middle of Brooklyn and Addie before slowly and cautiously climbing out; tucking Addie’s pink and frilly unicorn themed comforter around all three little bodies before turning out the light and slipping from the room. Door left slightly ajar; Mac taking his usual resting place in front of it. He’ll stay there until he’s certain his tiny charges are safe and sound, then will make his way into the master bedroom and find his usual spot at the end of the bed.

He checks on the older boys; still awake and busying themselves in the twins’ room; mindful to keep the noise down so as not to wake their siblings. The room is enormous; twice the size of the master and consisting of its own full bathroom with double sinks and showers. Declan has his own quarters but often bunks in with TJ and Tanner; making himself comfortable with just a sleeping bag and a pillow on the floor and insisting that’s all he needs. Tanner is already ‘locked’ in his own little world. A safe and quiet place that Tyler had created for him on the bottom bunk; enclosing it with a sliding barn door easily opened from both inside and out, and strings of white mini lights giving the kid the calm and soothing ‘ambiance’ he needs when overwhelmed. He’s good at managing it; knowing ahead of time when he’s starting to become overstimulated and always finding a quiet and safe place to ‘decompress’. He often handles it better than even his parents do; learning how to cope with the things that trigger him and being his own best advocate.

“Hey...Nug…” he raps his knuckles against the wood. Giving Tanner both the chance to answer and to decide if he wants his ‘safe space’ breached. “...you alive in there? Give me a sign.”

He gets a knock back in response, followed by the rustling of blankets before the door slides open and Tanner’s face greets him; his shoulder length hair messy and knotted and a beaming smile spreading from ear to ear.

“Hi dad.”

“You good? Everything alright?”

“I’m good. I just wanted to be quiet.”

“I don’t blame you. Those two…” he casts a glance towards Declan and TJ; one climbing the ‘rock wall’ that had been created a year ago and the other slithering his way up the rope that dangles from the ceiling. “...can be damn noisy.”

“Just a bit,” Tanner agrees.

“What’cha doing?”

“Just writing a bit,” Tanner holds up the leather bound journal -one of many he’s owned and are already full and packed away in a locked box in the back of his closet back home- he’d been scrawling in. Some are used to document his daily life; passages about his struggle being ‘different’ and his brain not working like everyone else’s, others gushing about something fun and exciting he’d gotten to take part in. “I had some really cool dreams while you were gone. That’s what I’m writing about. Will you read them?”

“I always do, don’t I?” He’s in fact the only one who DOES get to read what Tanner writes. Tanner trusting him wholly and completely and enjoying the fact they have a ‘secret’.

“I’ll bring it with me tomorrow. So you can see it. We’re still going right?”

“It’s our thing, right? Always what we do. Breakfast and time out. Just the two of us.”

“It’s a bit different this year. It’s always been the first morning after we get here. But you didn’t come with us this time.”

“I know. And I’m sorry about that. That I had to go and take care of himself. We still buddies?”

“Best buddies. I know you couldn’t help it. That you HAD to go. I’m just glad you’re back. I miss you when you’re gone. Do you have to go away again?”

“Not for a very long time. If ever. I’ll do my best, okay? To not have to go away again.”

“Okay. I’m excited. About tomorrow.”

“Me too, Nug. You need anything? You got your snuggies?”

“I’ve got them all here.” He nods down at the array of stuffed animals arranged at his feet.

“Blankie?”

Tanner holds up the corner of the weighted blanket already stretched out over top of him.

“You’re getting good at this. You won’t need me to check on you much longer.”

“Yes I will. I like when you check on me and we chat. Makes me feel special.”

“You ARE special. Very special. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Take your meds?”

“Mummy made sure. I’m not sleepy yet though. I’m going to write some more. So you have lots to read tomorrow. Don’t forget your glasses.”

Tyler grins. “Your mom is rubbing off on you.”

“You need them to read. And to go on the computer. And you probably should wear them when you’re on your phone too. Don’t be so stubborn.”

“Speaking off glasses, make sure you take yours off BEFORE you fall asleep.”

“This isn’t my first rodeo. I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re even starting to SOUND like your mother. You in the mood for a hug?”

Tanner nods enthusiastically. “Yup.”

Leaning down, he curls an arm around the ten year old’s slender frame just as two arms encircle his neck. It’s best to never push anything on Tanner; let him call the shots even when it comes to something as simple as affection. “Love you, Nug.”

“Love you too, daddy. I’m glad you’re here.”

“So I am. You sleep good okay? I’ll see you in the morning. We’ll go to our same place.”

“I can’t wait! They’re pancakes are the BEST. Well, not as good as yours and those ones mummy makes with the chocolate chips. But still really good. Will you give mummy another hug and kiss from me? I don’t think I hugged her long enough. And she deserves a long hug and an extra kiss. She had a bad day.”

“I will. I promise.”

“And tell her I love her? To the moon and back?”

“I will tell her that. And she loves you too. She loves you so much.”

“I know. She doesn’t even have to say it. It’s all the things she does for me. Making sure I have my meds and double checking to make sure I brought all my favourite snuggies and that I always have enough pens for writing. And it’s when she smiles at me and calls me ‘Nugget’ and she plays with my hair when we snuggle. I know mummy loves me. She doesn’t make it a secret.”

“She’s loved you right from the start. When you were just a little bean in her tummy. You sleep good, alright? Don’t stay up too late.”

“I won’t.” Tanner gives his dad’s neck one last squeeze. “I love you, daddy. See you later alligator.”

Grinning, he lightly tousels Tanner’s hair. “In a while crocodile.”

*****

Millie answers on the second knock; a terse ‘come in’. She’s been moody and towing a very thin line since she emerged from her room at dinner time. Snapping at her younger siblings and calling them ‘stupid’ and ‘annoying’ if they so as much asked her to pass them something; rolling her eyes whenever her mother spoke to her or just flat out ignoring her altogether. Eventually Tyler had had enough. What should have been a happy return home and getting to have dinner with his family after five days away turned into a screaming match; him ordering Millie up to her room with her dinner and her accusing him of hating her and always taking everyone’s side when ganging up on her. What used to be easily managed behaviour when she was six has become increasingly difficult to put up with; her attitude and her mouth almost unbearable. And she’s come to realize that those big blue eyes and that pout don’t immediately cause daddy to cave; he no longer buckles to the faux remorse or the feelings of guilt he’d get whenever he’d raise his face or scold her.

He leans against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest; his daughter avoiding all eye contact as she silks in the middle of her bed. “What’s up your ass?”

“What’s up yours?”

Tyler scowls. “Excuse me? You did not say what I think you just said.”

Millie chews nervously on her bottom lip. A habit she’d inherited from her mother. “Sorry.”

“What is going on with you? You’ve been acting like an asshole for four days. Don’t even try and deny it. You really thought I wouldn’t find out? You have six brothers and sisters. You really think they wouldn’t talk? You really thought you could tell Addie and Brookie you’d kill them in their sleep if they told me?”

“I knew they’d rat on me. And I knew SHE’D rat on me.”

“Who is she? And you better not say your mother. I know you’re not talking about her like that. Especially to me.”

“You always take HER side. Always. You used to on my side. Now you’re kissing her butt and…”

“Okay, first of all…” He leaves the door open as he stalks into the room; keeping his temper in check as he stands at the foot of the bed. “...SHE has a name. And to you, it’s mum. You don’t talk about your mother like that. Especially to me. Second, check your tone. You don’t talk to me like that. Ever. Got it?”

Millie nods.

“What the fuck, Amelia? I leave for four days and THIS is how you behave? Didn’t I warn you BEFORE I left? About treating your mother right? Did I not tell you I better not find out you were mouthy and disrespectful to her? I’m pretty sure I did.”

“You did.”

“You don’t talk to your mother like that. You don’t treat her like that. She doesn’t deserve it. Do you know what she went through to even have you? Do you know how close she came to not ever knowing about you? She gave up her entire life for you. She has loved you from the minute she found out she was having you. Do you know how lucky you are to even have a mother? Never mind one that loves you as much as she does? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s her! It’s all her!”

“I know your mum isn’t perfect. She’s the first to admit it. But I also know you’re full of shit. What has she done? What has she done that’s so bad that you think you can treat her like you are? Give me an example. One thing that is so bad.”

Millie shrugs.

“You’re going to knock your shit off. And not just for a couple days either. You’re going to apologize to your mum and you’re going to mean it. And you’re going to start helping her out and you’re NOT going to ruin Christmas for her or your brothers and sisters. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but until you can talk about it calmly and rationally, I don’t want to hear it. Got it?”

She nods.

“And by the way, that Aaron called back. Only this time I talked to him.”

Millie’s eyes widen.

“Imagine how surprised I was to find out he’s sixteen. And imagine his surprise when I told him you were only eleven. For some reason, he thought you were fourteen. Is there a reason he thought that?”

“No.”

“You want to try again?”

“I told him I was fourteen. Because he’s really cute and I wanted him to call me.”

“Well, I don’t think he’ll be calling back. Because I told him if he ever called again, he’d regret ever getting your number. That if he ever came near my daughter...my ELEVEN year old daughter...I’d beat his ass into the middle of next week. Then I’d rip his head off and shove it up his ass and drop his corpse on his mother’s doorstep.”

Tears of both anger and despair well in her eyes. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re eleven. And no sixteen year old should be calling an eleven year old. What the hell is wrong with you? How’d you think you’d get away with that? Giving OUR number to a boy? What the hell, Amelia?”

“Why do you and mom want to ruin my life?”

“We’re your parents and we are trying to protect you. Do you not know what could have happened to you? Talking to this guy? What if he’d wanted to see you? You know we wouldn’t have let you. What were you going to do? Sneak out of the house?”

“I don’t know…”

“Say you did. And say this guy decided to take advantage of you. What then? What would you have done then?”

She shrugs.

“We’re not trying to ruin your life. We’re trying to keep you safe and sound. We’re trying to keep you alive. Sixteen? Really? Nothing good was going to come of that and you know it. You need to smarten up, Monkey. You need to get your head out of your ass and stop treating your mum like shit. And stop terrorizing Kota. You know he takes everything seriously. Now he doesn’t want to sit on the toilet.”

“It was a joke. He doesn’t have to be such a baby about everything.”

“He’s FIVE. He practically IS a baby. If you don’t have anything to say to him, don’t say anything at all. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m being serious, Amelia. You need to check that attitude of yours. And that mouth. Don’t talk to your mother the way you do. Don’t disrespect her. I’ve told you tons of times; no one disrespects my wife. That includes my own kids. Knock it off. Now. You better wake up tomorrow an entirely different person. Because I’m not going to put up with it. Understand me?”

“I understand.”

Journeying around to the side of the bed, he runs a palm over her hair and drops a kiss on the top of her head. “Regardless of what you think about me right now, I love you.”

“I love you, dad. And I’m sorry. About everything. Especially about that boy.”

“You’re smarter than that. WAY smarter than that. Can we at least try to have a good Christmas? Think you can do that? Make it a pleasant one for everyone? Especially for yourself?”

She nods.

“I DO love you. I’ve always loved you. I always will. Just...I don’t know...stop being such a shit. Stop being so…”

She grins up at him. “So you?”

“That sounds like your mother talking.”

‘Well, she IS really smart.”

“Be nice to her, okay? Because that is the love of my life. The mother of my kids. And no one treats her like that. She loves you. Don’t ever forget that. And I know you love her.”

“I do. I do love her.”

“Well why don’t you try telling her THAT once in a while? Because she’d rather hear that , than you saying you hate her. Get her some slack. She’s got a lot on her plate. And she’s trying really damn hard. If you’re still hungry, there’s leftovers in the fridge. And lots of ice cream. Candy cane crackle. Your favourite. It’s in the freezer in the basement. Don’t tell your mum I told her.”

Millie smiles. “Our little secret?”

“Our little secret.”

“I missed you, daddy. I was angry. That you left. You said you wouldn’t leave again. That there’d be no reason to. That once you became a boss, you wouldn’t have to.”

“I’ve left before. I’ve been gone a few times.”

“A few times in FIVE years. And this is the second time this year alone. And you promised. That you wouldn’t do that anymore. Go after bad people. You PROMISED.”

“I know. I know I did.”

“What if something happened? What if you really DID die this time? What then? It would just be us. Seven kids and mum. And that’s not fair. Especially to mum. She loves us, but she loves YOU too. And she shouldn’t have to do it alone.”

‘“You’re right. She shouldn't.” He takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “Is that what this is about? The way you’ve been behaving? Me being gone?”

“Some of it, I guess. I was mad. At you. But I missed you at the same time. You told us you’d never go back to it again; going after bad people. You said you were done with that. You promised mom. That you’d stay home.”

“And I have been. Staying home. It’s nothing like it was before.”

“But it still hurts her. Whether it’s once or twice a year. It still bugs her. Because she loves you and she’s worried about you. Why would you promise her stuff and then turn around and do the total opposite it? Why would you promise us stuff and not stick to it?”

“It needed to be done. Anil asked me to help out. He needed me.”

“WE need you. Mum needs you. Can’t he get someone else? He can find someone else. Mum can’t find another husband. We can’t find another dad. It would hurt us a lot more to lose you than it would hurt Anil.”

“I know it would. And I’m sorry. For leaving. If there was someone else or another way…”

“I don’t want you going away.” The tears finally come; large, hot tears that spill down tanned cheeks. “I don’t want you going away and dying. I don’t want to lose you. You’re my dad. I don’t want another dad.”

“Come here, Monkey. It’s okay. Come here.”

Tossing off the blankets, Millie scrambles out of bed; perching herself sideways on his lap and wrapping both arms around his neck.

“I’m so sorry, Millie.” He hasn’t used the nickname in over a year. At least not in her presence. Ever since his then ten year old daughter announced she was finished with it and just wanted to use her full name. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to break my promise. And I’m sorry. That I did. I love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you, daddy. I don't want anything to happen to you. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” he promises, and presses a kiss to her temple; hand pressing down on the back of her head and drawing it down to his shoulder. Tightly holding her as she cries; letting her release all the tears and the pent up fear and worry and anger. Allowing her to cling to him; her sobbing turning into whimpers interspersed with loud sniffles.

Tightly and protectively holding her until body stills and her breathing slows and evens out. Not having the heart to let her go even long after she’s fallen asleep.

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction

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chkyesjuliet · 4 years ago

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a brief overview of the makoa family / @gallaghertasks

tw: very brief mentions of death and war

𝑨𝑳𝒀𝑽𝑰𝑨 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑶𝑨, mother — alyvia is the youngest of four siblings; preceded by three older sisters, all at least six years her senior. almost right off the bat, she was different from her sisters. more rebellious, her mother would say. in reality, she simply asked questions instead of just going along and doing as she was told. she had to know the reason behind anything. why the intense distrust of men, often including her own father? why the insistence on girls only schools and training? and to every answer she was given - “but why?”

the reason, she would eventually find out after years of prodding and snooping, was her grandmother. a woman who had died on a mission for the us government during the war*. how? well, nobody’s entirely sure. but her daughter, alyvia’s mother, did some snooping of her own and came to the conclusion that she had been double crossed by her partner. a man she’d spent years working closely with. while there’s some evidence to support this, there’s none to support the idea that her mother had died at his hands. regardless, that’s the conclusion she came to. and it was at that point she decided to carry on her mother’s legacy without outside help. and especially not from any men.

right away, alyvia took the story with a generous helping of salt. which only caused the existing rift between her and her mother to grow. it grew even more when, while at a new job fresh out of gallagher, she met a man. it had been drilled into her and her sisters that they were to marry civilians from a young age. no spies. male spies cannot be trusted. but alyvia trusted this one. an agent with kind eyes and a smile she couldn’t resist. he would never be fully trusted by her family, but eventually he was begrudgingly and cautiously accepted. when they got married it was insisted that henry take her last name, which he did without complaint.

when juliet was born, it was a given that she would be raised to follow in the footsteps of the women who came before her. but her parents tried to ease the pressure as much as possible. tried to keep the stream of misandry from the maternal side of the family out of her head as much as possible. in that, at least, they succeeded. successfully enough that juliet and her siblings don’t know the full story. they know their grandmother and aunts and subsequently some of their cousins, have problems with men in the business. and they know that they’re looked at somewhat differently than their cousins. one day they’ll get the full story from their mother. when she thinks they’re ready. or when one of them finally gets nosy. whichever happens first.

* editor’s note: i’m not specifying which war because i suck ass at math, especially when it involves ages but it was probably ww2. but if that math doesn’t add up i’m not worrying abut it cos lets be real the united states is always at war, there was definitely SOME war going on at the time. which one isn’t important. idk, fight me.

𝑯𝑬𝑵𝑹𝒀 𝑳𝑰-𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑶𝑨, father — henry li, on the other hand, had a fairly standard upbringing. as standard as the child of two spies can have, anyway. he too grew up in an environment where there were certain expectations placed on him, but those expectations were more straightforward. get good grades, train hard, get your black belt, don’t die. you know. normal stuff.

he didn’t go to blackthorne, though the school he did attend wasn’t very different. not quite as cutthroat, but brutal in its own right. it wasn’t a place he was built for, and he struggled for his first couple of years in a place that wanted to train him to kill when that wasn’t a role he wanted if he could help it. though he physically would have had an easy enough time in that career path, he preferred, and still prefers, work behind the scenes. where he isn’t seen until he steps out from the shadows when necessary. this made him perfect for government work when he graduated, and he found himself at a job working closely with the cia as soon as he graduated.

it was at that job, on a shirt term trip to honolulu, the where he would meet alyvia makoa. henry wasn’t assigned to work with her, yet he had a knack for finding a reason to talk to her anyway. directions to a director’s office, informing her that the copier was jammed ( for the fourth time ), recommendations for where to eat lunch. over weeks, those excuses turned into a friendship. which over months turned into a more serious relationship. which turned into henry requesting a permanant transfer to o’ahu form dc. her family was strange. and clearly didn’t like him very much. but piece by piece alyvia would explain and he would learn why. keeping peace is something that comes easily to him, and slowly he was able to build up just enough of their trust that the two felt comfortable marrying and starting their own family. he even said, and genuinely meant it, that taking the family name would be an honor.

henry’s children are his pride and joy. keeps pictures on his desk and in his wallet and tells anyone who will listen about what they’ve been up to and how proud he is of them. he’s the parent who puts the most energy into making sure none of them feel overly pressured. nobody has to be a spy if they don’t want to. he’ll be just as proud of a pharmacist as he would be a government official, though he does think they all have excellent potential.

𝑵𝑰𝑪𝑶 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑶𝑨, younger brother — perhaps it’s nature, or perhaps it’s manifestation, but nico is everything alyvia's mother warned her about when she and henry decided to raise their son with the option to go into spyhood. “he’ll be unpredictable, violent, too much trouble.” the same refrain for years. nico can be a handful. he’s impulsive, does things just because they popped into his head and he can ( see: the sink lizard sage that led to juliet acquiring hiccup ). gets in fights at school for things as petty as another kid looking at him somewhat funny. but he does have potential to be a good spy. and under all the rough edges, he is a good kid. a big softie for his little sisters. juliet’s number one best friend. even though she stopped insisted on it years ago, he still exclusively calls her jet. because that nickname drove their grandmother crazy? only partly.

𝑳𝑼𝑪𝒀 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑶𝑨, younger sister — the youngest two makoa children are identical twins, save for a few subtle differences that only family and close friends are really able to pick up on. lucy is oldest by a grand total of four minutes. four minutes that nobody is ever allowed to forget about. she’s definitely the leader, sometimes even over juliet and nico. her chaos is similar to her brother’s, but less directed. she’s only eight, but she’s ready to take on gallagher academy. gallagher academy is not ready for her. at all. seriously, she’d probably get too excited and maybe or maybe not accidentally stab someone.

𝑬𝑳𝑶𝑰𝑺𝑬 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑶𝑨, younger sister — most of the time eloise communicates through her twin sister. lucy’s always running her mouth anyway, so why not let her? aside from the obvious personality differences, the two are eerily similar. dressing alike by choice, having the same interests — they’re even on the exact same level in their tae kwon do class. el’s a sweet kid. a lot more likely to cuddle up in your lap than pull you out of your chair to wrestle like her sister. but she will go along with whatever lucy wants to do. most of the time.

#gallagher:task #❛ about. ❜#finally......yall get the backstory ive been sitting on for months #i also. dont know if this is stupid. i feel like maybe it is. but i do not know.

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seb-owns-these-tatas · 5 years ago

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Chapter 2 (Winter’s Gem) (B.Barnes AU)

CHAPTER 1

Characters: Gigolo!Bucky Barnes x You (AU)

Summary: Bucky Barnes has been scouted by your boss in Felicity Night, you were just a mere young, cleaner in Felicity night and have been living in the basement of the club for all your life. He's the most wanted Gigolo in the city, and taking him away from eager, thirsty women seemed to be impossible especially if he chose to be a Gigolo as his way of living.

Warning: Profanities. Profanities. Inappropriate words.

Words: 5,507.

A/N: This chapter is long as heck. I'm sorry? XD (We shall twerk because this was a long chapter! *twerks*) Sorry for the typos and wrong grammars if there is. :) HELLO WINTER ;)

Disclaimer: PNG's, pictures and GIFs aren't mine. However, the whole series, one shots and edits are from moi.

TAGLISTS: @yn-the-reader

Another day, another laborious night in the club. The difference today was that it was the holiday and there was even more people than the usual. You were glad you've taken the spot in the men's bathroom because there were lesser people who come in often more than the women's bathroom.

Plus, the men's bathroom was filthier because it has been days that you haven't gotten the chance to clean it.

You were cleaning the mirrors with a cloth and a can of glass cleaner. Spots of dirt and a mixture of dried toothpaste was drawn, scouring them off the mirror with your cloth.

"Nice set last night, Stevie." You lightly teased, scrubbing the dirt away. The joke sent at the handsome, brawny blonde man taking a piss in one of the black cubicles. You told him it was fine to take a piss using the urinals since it didn't matter but he refused to, mumbling about how modest he was which you didn't bother listening about.

You heard him spoke from the cubicle, hearing the sound of a zipper and running water. He was taking a piss alright, "I was forced to strip last night! I never wanted to!" Steve exclaimed, voice raising a pitch higher as it echoed around the bathroom. You were now scrubbing the sinks with detergent and a mix of Clorox. The salty drop of sweat fell on your forehead and you were quick to swipe it off with your arm.

"You looked like you were having fun, though." You huffed with a smile, scrubbing the sink with a sponge. Your nose getting a whiff of the strong, acidic smell from the Clorox, but your face never once scrunched because you were already used to the foul smell.

"I was not! Stripping in front of people is outrageous! If it weren't for the tips and the double pay that you guys have been telling me, I wouldn't take the slot!"

"But, I wanna know something..." You dragged on, a hint of playfulness in the tip of your tongue plus a small smirk to add to your reply, "Was the spandex comfortable to wear, Captain Rogers? Doesn't it look a little too tight?" You laughed when you heard him groan, the sound of the toilet flushing came with it, giving you a sign that he was finished pissing.

After watering a small plant of Aloe Vera, you tidied everything up. Hearing the cubicle door creak slightly, you glanced back to see Steve without his coat on, baby blue eyes that looked gorgeous with his ears slightly turning red from the realization that you have seen him strip in his star spangled suit.

"Hey, Kid..Aren't you a little young to watch me..strip?" He strolled beside you, turning the tap open, washing his hands. His ears became redder than the usual and you couldn't help the laugh that escaped your lips.

"I'm 21! Not 15! Don't act like I've never known you since the last three years!"

Steve's ears was now redder as the conversation continued, like a kid who have been embarrassed by seeing his mother and dad having sex, that kind of embarrassment. The blonde man placed his hands below the air dryer, hearing a quiet click before it began blowing hot air for his hands to dry. He spoke through the loud whush, "Kids like you should still be studying, Y/N." His hands were now dry, he leaned his hip on the sink in front of you, gorgeous blue eyes fixated on yours, empathy itching his heart. He knew how you felt about not finishing your degree, not even having the chance to study in your first year. Steve was your friend, and he knew every last detail of your life. He couldn't stop the tempting frown etching to let show. "You shouldn't be working in a club full of..Gigolos and strippers. You deserve to have a future and not get locked up in this..this damn hell house,"

You smiled indifferently, "Language, Rogers." Steve gave you a sympathetic smile, bringing his hand up your shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Think about what I've said, Y/N. You know i'm willing to help," His baby blue eyes locked on yours, and you were the first to look away..You've thought about his help, but you were still hesitant and you didn't want to accept his offer of paying your tuition fees especially that he was just a friend of yours.

What would you mother even think about that? Olivia/Luscia would be livid to find out that Steve was helping you be what you wanted to be. The news will spread around so fast, people would think he was your sugar daddy or something..

Even so, you didn't want Steve to have that responsibility because it was your mother's. She was working for so long, so that meant she could afford to help pay your tuition fees.

"I'll..think about it, Steve. Thank you," You uttered quietly, gazing up at his bright, baby blues. He shook his head, sending you a gorgeous smile of his that everyone loved. "For what?"

You beamed, completely pleased by his loving attitude towards you. Y/N took a cautious step forward, weakly wrapping her feeble arms around him. "For being such a great friend..Thank you, Steve." Steve gladly took her arms in, gently shoving her head in his chest, giving her back warm, comforting pats.

It wasn't long for you to hear a silent creak of the door, immediately you began unwrapping your arms around Steve once you heard the person come in. The club's sound faintly sliding in the men's bathroom. You heard the gentle clicks on this particular person's shoe tapping on the black granite floor, slowly getting louder, walking towards where you and Steve were. You felt the warm presence of the man towering behind you.

That precious smile on your face hadn't wash off yet, you guessed it was Sam or Clint who disrupted your conversation with Steve and the smile on your face grew wider at the thought of Clint. He owed you ten bucks because he lost on a bet that involved Steve, betting that he wouldn't take the Stripper slot. You voted that he would since you were already sure he would strip that night because he have talked to you about it..

"Jerk," Steve grinned at the man behind you, "Punk," The man rasped, his voice entirely indistinguishable.It sounded deep and velvety. He surely doesn't sound like Sam or Clint. But, you could tell by his voice that this unknown man was smiling by the mention of his endearment for Steve that came out of his lips.

You couldn't help but tilt your head at one side, figuring out who he was. Brows slightly furrowed, trying hard to familiarize whose voice it came from. You couldn't get an idea.."A blonde dame's looking for you, Pal. Did you take a shit or what?" The man chuckled deeply, sounding like the angels sang from up above. You didn't know why your heart skipped a beat when you heard him chortled so velvety, so alluring..

Even without looking at him, your guessed he was attractive as hell. Maybe he was someone new? Well, he needed a warm welcome then.

You plastered your best smile for the anonymous man, loudly clearing your throat, your palms flattening the wrinkles of your uniform. "Remember Y/N? The young girl that I was telling you about who was working here? Olivia's/Luscia's only daughter? One of my closest friends here in Felicity Night?"

You enthusiastically turned the heels of your foot to welcome the man who sounded attractive. Maybe welcoming new people wasn't really a good idea? when you spun around, you felt your breath hitch as it got caught in your throat. All you saw was a pair of gorgeous Steele blue eyes that made your mouth turn agape. They were the most beautiful out of all the sea of blues you've ever seen. You were completely stupefied when you slowly process everything in, "Bucky, This is Y/N Y/L/N, The hardest worker of all time, she's been cleaning all her years in this club and I'm proud of how strong this kid have been," Steve paused and you felt him cup your shoulder, proudly introducing you to his best pal. "Y/N. This is Bucky. Bucky Barnes. My brother from another mother. I think you've already heard all the intriguing gossips about this punk," Pause. "--Women call him 'Winter', but his close friends of him don't,"

Winter. You mentally gasped. He was the 'Winter' that Stan told you about. God, you were completely speechless. Stan was right all along. He was one charming, gorgeous, handsome fucker.

Thump. Your heartbeat seemed unnaturally loud in your ears. You could feel the overwhelming warmth seep through you once you completely planted your E/C eyes at Bucky's stunning blue eyes. Your words seem to get stuck in your throat.

You blinked and swore that you saw something flash behind those eyes of his, showing deep interest towards you. He initially smiled, a picturesque, cheeky smile lifted for you to see and engrave in your mind forever.

You felt as if you were drowning in his sea, feeling like you couldn't breath because of how beautiful he looked. Bucky had his brunette hair in a bun, you guessed he had long hair that could reach his jaw because his bangs that were parted in the middle have fallen and cascaded on either side of his face. It simply accentuated the marvelous structures of his face, bringing out the best of his apple-like cheekbones.

Oh, were his cleft chin so perfect that you wanted nothing but to touch and press them together, showing how you can appreciate how handsome he looked with it.

Not to mention his plump, beet red lips that seemed to be moisturized all the time. Shit, you're definitely digging your own grave by liking a Gigolo. The newest recruited gigolo if you were going to be specific.

Your abusive, brusque mother warned you, cursing at the heavens that she would have to lock you away if ever you had a relationship with one of them. You didn't know the reason why but she seemed to hate the idea, even though you were a daughter that came from a stripper. Your father have been one and now he was nowhere to be found because he left you both to marry a very wealthy old woman in replacement of your mother, Olivia/Luscia.

"You can call me Bucky," He uttered with a low voice that could be considered sexy and hot. You wanted to pinch yourself, and you actually did secretively. Bucky could see the flash of awareness in your eyes, an awareness that seemed to held the same feeling as his. Yet, those awareness that made him confident was now lost in just a blink, replaced with a polite reserve.

Bucky thought he was imagining things, but the way you fluttered your eyelashes up at him, giving him those heart eyes and a blush that climbed up your cheeks corrected his disappointed theory.

"Good evening...Bucky," You stuttered quietly, gnawing on your trembling lips. His presence was making you conscious and insecure because he was too gorgeous for your own good.

This was dangerous. He was dangerous.

'when you get your heart involved,' You remembered what your old friend, Stan said. As if you would even get your heart involved..

That was a question that seem shaky and untruthful. This was bad. Your breath shook when you gave out a sigh.

The both of you heard a clap that distracted your reverie, "Ooookay!" Steve piped in rather enthusiastically. Weirdly eyeing the both of you. "Introduction's done now. It's up to you if you wanna be friends or maybe get to know each other more. I'm off! A dame needs my patriotic presence," Steve bid goodbye, never forgetting to slap a hand on Bucky's back, making the latter chuckle and send him a wave of his hand. Your blonde friend waving a friendly hand at you as he trotted towards the exit.

That was interesting.

Bucky and you were left in the bathroom. The awkward, heavy silence trapping you both. Your heart was running a mile, and your mind was trying to think of a conversation that would spike up the current cloud that you were in. You could still feel his eyes on you, probably starting to bore holes in your face. You kept looking anywhere else besides his handsome features, doing it seems impossible because his face was satisfying to stare at.

However, you tried hard. Your toes curled inside your shoes, feeling all the heat come at your face. You needed to get out of here, you mentally thought. You needed to take a breather, you needed to come up in that sea you were drowning in.

Bucky mindlessly licked his lips out of habit, and it wasn't a movement that didn't go unnoticed by you. "So.." He slowly dragged on, gathering his thoughts and wording it all out, thinking about words that could sound good to hear, "How old are ya', Doll?"

Doll. That sounded so sweet. You couldn't help but curl your toes further, totally stuck up in your place. "21," Even though, it was meant to be ignored. You saw Bucky sigh after that, pursing his lips before a cheeky smile was replaced. "How about you, Bucky?"

A tiny voice was cheering at the back of your head. Loudly screaming '25! 25! 25! 25!' But those voices were ceased when you felt his finger lift your head up to meet with his Steele blue eyes that shifted from intense to soft and tender.

You could feel your insides melting so bad.

"Your eyes are pretty, Doll. I want them on me whenever we have a conversation," The man was definitely a charmer with his words too. That made everything difficult for you to process. Bucky wanted nothing more than to see how your heart worked, he wanted to see the real you. A thought inside his brain, secretly hoping that you weren't like one of the women he'd been with. Women who had paid for him, women who had rotten hearts, and only cared for what they feel. Not his. "The words coming out of your mouth seems fake when I don't get to see your beautiful E/C eyes,"

He abruptly dropped his finger beneath your chin like he was burned. It was too early. Too damn early to get involved with a woman who was nearly half his age. Fuck. He cursed inside his mind, giving himself a punishment by biting his tongue as he continued his next words. "35," Yet, Bucky didn't seem to mind the age-gap. He was mesmerized by how big your heart was. You seemed to stand-out in his eyes and he couldn't grasp why, it was frustrating him.

You weakly nodded in understanding while Bucky felt a tiny dismay because of your reaction. Were you disappointed? Why was he even thinking about it when you just literally met him today?

Get your shit together, Barnes. You're being a creep. He mentally thought, chewing on his bottom lip.

There was a flash of glitter in your eyes as you thought about question that has been bugging you and your old friend, Stan. Since you wanted to get to know more about Bucky better, you needed to make some efforts in doing so. You gave him a sweet smile that he immediately saw, wanting those precious smile of yours to be remembered since he knew you didn't smile a lot for the past few months. "Can I ask you a question, Bucky?"

"Shoot. We're already playing the 20 questions game, Y/N."

Your smile reached up your eyes and it felt good to finally smile like the world wasn't pouring you rocks and gravels. "Why were you--"

Your heart skipped a beat, and it was not in a blushing way. You both heard the door harshly opened, the music of the club walking in and a very rough looking Olivia/Luscia welcoming you both in the doorway. It gave you a bad heart attack, or probably giving you a reason not to live after seeing how blank your mother's face was when she saw you with Bucky.

You couldn't see what was running inside her mind. It seemed unreadable and impossible to get into. "Y/N," She deadpanned, glowering at you. "Barnes," Her voice turned much more normal, but her face still looked stoic as her eyes settled at the man in front of you.

Bucky could feel the unwavering fright radiating off you. He knew it. He saw your hands tremble from fear as his eyes deliberately trailed towards your shaking hands.

You took a cautious step back away from Bucky, gulping the fear that erupted.. all the way down your throat. Glancing up a Bucky to mentally apologize for even talking to him and it made him wrinkle his forehead, furrowing his brows, looking like he was in deep thought. "Y/N, Rhodes needs you. Get your ass back in the kitchen!"

Your eyebrows instantly rose up in question, "W-What?" You thought you weren't needed anymore. You didn't even like staying in the kitchen because all of your arms were covered in scars. Basically from the kitchen accidents and scars that were kind of from all your mother's doing.

Olivia/Luscia could feel her anger boil up and it wasn't good because she was beginning to feel the inexorable itch in her hands. The God forsaken itch that Y/N was hoping to not be a repeated victim of. "What do you mean what, Y/N?"

"I-I've been covered in boils--" Before you could even stop your mouth, you had slapped a hand over it. Stopping yourself from even saying further that could put you in danger.

Bucky wanted nothing more than to shake you off your fear, he wanted nothing more than to stop those horrible scenes that was bound to happen because he knew what was about to happen next.

"What did I fucking tell you about talking back and complaining?!"

Your mother's calm demeanor was now changed into fury, and you know nothing but to quickly follow her. Thus, which is why you scrambled off your place in front of Bucky and felt your legs shake with each step you took away from the man who had made an impression.

You hurdled under Olivia/Luscia's arm, scurrying away. Gone in a hot second and Bucky was left alone.

Olivia/Luscia turned her back away from the door, not even bothering to give Bucky a second look once she saw you with him. He was a threat to you, definitely a threat.

As he began to hear the door creak, he couldn't stop the scowl on his face as he mentally threw knives at her back. Why the hostility?

It's because he knew everything.

Just like a sniper..He could see everything even though he was far.

The orders began to lessen one by one, you were tempted to hail hallelujah once the scorching heat began fading around the kitchen. You didn't even know why you were called when Sharon and an extra helper was there. A helper named Phil Coulson who was so industrious and nice.

You heard your stomach growl and damn were you hungry as hell. The last thing you ate was mashed potatoes with gravy and fresh pickles that were sneaked out of the kitchen, thanks to Steve.

They weren't the greatest thing to be paired together but it was better than having nothing like the most of your days.

"Eww, Stop being gross, Sharon!" Wanda chit-chatted with Sharon in front of the metal table laying in the middle of the huge maroon and white kitchen. People already had their food and it was the final batch that was given from the last ten minutes ago.

You were carrying a tray full of unfinished food, dropping them off with a clang beside the kitchen sink. Your arm was still hurting from the fresh wounds it held. Even though, Phil was around. Rhodes had still given you some time to 'cook those bitches' while he cuts whatever he was cutting.

An unfinished plate of Hushpuppies lay before you, there were five pieces left and you wanted to give that particular customer a karate chop on the head for wasting such a delicious meal.

The whole plate felt like it was a gift from God. You could see the golden swirls surrounding it, tempting you to just finish the damn thing and think how that was more cleaner than the other unfinished foods that laid in front of you. You cussed beneath your breath.

Growl, says your stomach.

Nobody wants a hungry stomach, yes? And so you feed it off to shut it up. You fit every Hushpuppies in your mouth, just like a squirrel protecting his nut. Your mouth looking hideously full.

"Doll," You jerked and slammed your hand on the metal sink when you heard a very familiar voice that could make your heart go gaga. Being lucky with food was probably in your genes because you didn't choke when Bucky had appear beside you like a genie in disguise.

Though, the tiny wrinkle of his nose hurt the dignity left in you. He looked disgusted. Wow, that was the best first impressions. You were such a hopeless and desperate woman.

Yeah, you'd rather hear people saying those kind of things to you, having a label that could hurt your dignity than die in hunger.

"Oh, girl. That was gross," Sharon commented with a cringe. Earning a same response from Wanda. She looked clearly disgusted at the food in your mouth. "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

Rhodes seem to have taken it lighter than those two because he found it quite entertaining after feeding hundreds of bitches. "You have the worst case of feeding your damn hunger, Y/N!"

Phil seemed the find it normal, giving you an apathetic response. He shrugged his shoulders and nodded to himself before he went back to cleaning.

On the other hand, Bucky left your side..walking in between Rhodes and Sharon till he stopped in front of a huge refrigerator. All eyes were fixated on the man who was fishing for something to eat. "Hmm," He quietly hummed, one hand inserted in his trousers. The muscles on his back appearing toned which you had only noticed until now, his hair untied as it gloriously and attractively fell on his broad shoulders. Adding another set of gorgeous facts that made your toes curl beneath you. After a minute of searching for something good, he finally brought out a frozen plum, with a simple spun of his heel, he turned around while he marched towards you, throwing the juicy fruit in the air for a couple of times, landing on his fairly large palms. "Barnes--" Rhodes spoke as Bucky glided through the kitchen. Passing in between him and Sharon.

"Bill that on me!" He walked in front of him and gave him a side-eye, sending Rhodes a cheeky wink. Strutting back in the direction from where you were. You were mindlessly digging crescent lines on your palms from the warm, giddy, overwhelming feeling that you were feeling inside. Why were you reacting that way?

Sure, he was attractive. Okay, maybe too damn attractive. Maybe a little too hot either? Why were you thinking about it now when he's currently strutting in front of you like a model or a sexy stripper who was about to give you a private show?

Did you really thought about that when you only met him hours ago?

"You're damn lucky you're one gorgeous motherfucker, Barnes." Rhodes hissed, fanning himself with his hands when Bucky gave him one of his famous winks. He gave a low chuckle, stopping beside you. Your fairly large height differences was obvious as he leaned his derrière on the metal sink. His warm hand sent sparks to your core once he wrapped his warm, calloused hand around yours. Oh, no. Stop. Taking your hand in his, he dropped the cold plum in your hand, enclosing your fingers with his around it. "I'd rather see you eating this than eat leftovers. We have no idea what you'll get infected with, Y/N."

"Alright. Let me just be the spokesperson for everyone," Wanda chimed, raking her hair in a makeshift ponytail. Using a rubber band as a tie, she parted her ponytail in half, tightening it to make sure it wouldn't fall. She eyed you and Bucky, pointing her nicely, manicured maroon nail at you. "Since when did you two become friends?"

"Uhm," You stuttered, pointing a finger on your chest, pertaining to yourself. The pressure crippling your anxiety bit by bit. Their scrutinizing stares boring holes in your body. "Me?" Sharon's face turned stoic, placing her hands on her perfectly wide hips. "No, not you. Rhodes. Of course, Y/N! You and Barnes?!" She exclaimed, making it sound extremely impossible.

What was wrong?

Bucky could sense the polarity in their minds. He obviously didn't find anything wrong, yet they seem to be complaining. "You guys make it sound like it's impossible for us to be friends,"

A creak of the door made everyone quiet, but after a second of realizing it was just Phil who went out to throw the garbage in the dumps. They continued their discussion.

Wanda raised her brows to prove her point, "Of course it is! Y/N has no friends!" She exclaimed, before an apologetic smile reached her lips. "No offense, Y/N."

You could only nod, their conversation was entertaining you but at the same time, it was throwing you a harsh brick on the face. Were you such a loner? Were you really an anti-social person? You counted your friends inside your head, and Bucky could see you completely out of focus. Mind going elsewhere as you counted how many were they. It made his heart all cozy. You just looked...innocent...and so adorable.

That's what he wanted to say, but he kept his lips sealed. He was probably just slugged from the tequila shots he took.

Sharon crossed her arms against her pliable breasts, a blush creeping towards her cheeks. Slowly making her looked flushed, "Besides Steve, of course. He's a sweetheart. Who isn't even friends with him?" Her voice sounded smaller than the usual and you were curious why she sounded shy all of a sudden. Wanda piped in her train of thoughts, "And Stan, obviously. I think he's her bestest friend out of all of us,"

In a vague corner of Bucky's mind, There was a question inside his head that he so wanted to ask them, a question as to why they sounded so incredulous when he gave Y/N a little bit of his help. "Aren't you guys her friends?"

Everybody went completely still. Phoebe Ryan's song named 'Dark Side' was hardly reaching their ears. That question totally shut them up. Y/N couldn't help but feel how heavy her heart turned out when nobody dared to answer one simple question that can be answered by pre-schoolers. Not even one single person could say 'yes'. She knew why she was left friendless. She knew who was the center of her life, the person who had controlled her life and everyone since birth, and she was scared that she'll soon turn out numb from all the pain that was inflicted towards her. Physically and emotionally.

Rhodes shut his mouth, Wanda began to zip her mouth and Sharon was left thinking about her next words. She opened her mouth to talk, "Even though we want to, her mother doesn't. We're forbidden to. Only the toughest people are friends with her,"

Bucky's eyebrows narrowed, a deep wrinkle forming in between his smooth forehead. Did those words seriously came out of her mouth? Were they seriously scared of her? He couldn't help but snort from their hooey reasons. "You're seriously scared of one woman?" He exclaimed skeptically, his hand reaching to tuck his hair behind his ears. "A woman who asks you to stop befriending one girl? Can you seriously hear yourselves right now?" He exasperated and waited for them to talk, yet nobody was tough enough to talk, he reclined away from the metal sink, absolutely aggravated by how they were fine for letting one woman control their decisions. Leaving an innocent woman alone and friendless just because 'her damn mother' doesn't want to. How can her mother be so immature? What was running inside her head when she asked these people to stay away from her daughter?

"If Steve gets to be her friend, then I can be her friend, Her mother doesn't scare me," Bucky uttered as a matter of fact. He chewed on his bottom lip before focusing on your disheartened form. You were awkwardly fiddling with the ends of your plain white shirt. Head bowed down in dismay, and a plum in your hand. Holding it for dear life. The man in front of you couldn't help but tuck his fingers beneath your chin. He couldn't blame you for acting this way especially that he knew you were physically abused by a person whom he thought will never even lay a finger on her own spawn.

You were met with dazzling Steele blue eyes that peered down at you with softness, "You wanna go eat somewhere, Y/N?" He spoke rather tenderly, a sincere smile lifting his lips that made your heart race a million miles.

This was bad. So bad. Stop. He should stop. You gulped the saliva trapped in your throat, didn't he have any..other woman to tend to? Doesn't he have someone to work on? Customers who needed him? Women who he needed to fuck? "Don't you have...work to do?" You hesitatingly asked. Wording everything much more proper and good to hear. He thought for a second, licking his red, plump lips that made some warmth go through your core. Oh. Damn. Bucky shook his head after, eyes adorably curving like crescent moons. "Nah, Doll. The ladies were all interested for America's flag stripper tonight," He lowly chuckled, "I needed some time off anyway,"

"Uhm," You hesitated on coming with him. If your mother finds you out and about with her best underling, she'll go loco. "I don't know, Bucky." The vexation came back in his head, he knew why you were reluctant. But, you needed to eat right even just for tonight. He had always seen you eating tons of shitty food. There was this urge that he wanted to make it different this time, he wanted you to take care of yourself. He wanted to...

--to take care of you. He discreetly cleared his throat from that. Pulling himself back from reality, "Come on, it's my treat." The comforting, familiar heat wrapped around your hand out of habit. He was holding your hand with his right hand again, gazing down at you with that beautiful blue eyes of his. If he doesn't stop then things will go worse. Things that would probably place your heart in a very vulnerable position.

He smiled very amiably and soft, "Say we continue our 20 questions game?" His voice sounded raspy and sanguine.

You couldn't help but get lost in those Steele blue eyes. Jumping in his sea of orbs that made you want to drown yourself over and over again and you gave zero fucks about it. He was clearly trying to heal your poisoned, wounded heart.

With no control over your emotions, you gave a weak nod. Completely out of your trance and with only one squeeze given to your hand....

You were a goner.

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN, TATER TOTS! Just send me an ask!

XOXO,

TATA (SEBASTIAN’S POTATO BITCH)

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five-wow · 5 years ago

Text

10.07 THOUGHTS. MANY SPOILERS AHEAD

i probably genuinely might not have recognized steve at first, with his beard and cap, if i hadn’t already seen pictures of alex like that. ALSO. steve opens one (1) door and immediately gets attacked by at least three men. oh, steve

steve!!! brought backup!!! to this secretive meeting with some government official who wants to give him shady info!!! i’m so proud of him, and it’s also a wonderful way to NOT EXCLUDE DANNY from important later-season steve episodes for once.

danny’s FACE after they hear it’s about steve’s mother made me actually bark a laugh out loud. oh boY

“but you’d rather bloody these hands instead.” OH GOD okay okay okay i love this, from the bit where steve STILL can’t believe his mother might have done a Very Bad Thing but looks kind of scared and hurt anyway, like he knows it IS actually possible but just can’t admit to it, all the way to the bit where it’s a little more complicated than just “random guy shows up with shady intel and everyone more or less trusts him and steve jumps at the chance to do something dangerous”. GOOD STUFF

“she gave up a family, for you agency, you know that?” OH STEVE. i have a feeling i’m going to be saying that a lot, fjdkfd.

wait wait wait. so lou says lucia, their big bad, has always preferred the company of women, “biblically”, and then steve says that doris was smart and used that... to get close... to lucia?? that sounds like they’re saying doris slept her way into this which, fjdkfdj, that means my doris/amanda ship just got 50% more plausible.

it also means five-0 has yet another evil lesbian (in lucia, not doris) and i’m not to hyped about that, but. we’ll see.

random, but: i LOVE lou’s shirt. it’s this lightly pink thing with sporadic sailboats on it and it’s glorious.

tani says that to her this looks like a suicide operation and she’s not even DONE TALKING when danny says “i said the same thing” and he’s not even angry or trying to appeal to steve anymore, he’s just kind of... sad and resigned, which is WORSE.

danny WALKS OFF. STEVE STARES AFTER HIM. OH NO

THIS IS GOOD. VERY BAD BUT VERY GOOD

and before steve can even get STARTED on his crazy infiltration plan, his car gets shot at and blown up. oh, this is all going so well. it’s that wonderful mcgarrett luck of his at its finest.

“what do you wanna do?” junior asks DANNY, very specifically, after he tracked steve down. fdjkfd just. THANK YOU, alex, for actually making danny a huge part of this, unlike in some major episodes which won’t be named (7.07! 7.07!!! and, oh god, i’d almost managed to repress the whole “let’s not call danny because he’d just worry” thing from 9.10, but that one too, holy shit)

fjdkfdjkfdjk literally, the entire team is just standing around (except quinn - where’s quinn this episode? i miss her) but junior is ONLY arguing with danny over whether he gets to go in and rescue steve or not, like danny is the sole person who gets a say in this. he ASKS FOR DANNY’S BLESSING. steve and danny are so literally the team dads it’s not even funny anymore.

steve confronts doris and some of the first words she says are “but please, trust me” and it’s NOT funny, it’s very emphatically not funny at all, but it’s kind of funny. holy shit, doris.

“my life was compromised the day you walked out of it.” OHHHHH. just. just so many good lines about steve’s hurt by doris’ hand.

doris CRACKS STEVE OVER THE HEAD. WELL GREAT. now we can add physical violence to her list of sins against steve.

steve, to junior: “what did i tell you?” junior: “it’s been so long i couldn’t remember.” fjdkfjdk love him.

i have literally no idea who these other two guys are that junior brought with him (should we know them?), but i’m guessing they’re other navy seals? some of those we’ve never seen before but who are always immediately willing to help out with crazy shit when our main characters need them, because it’s convenient and it adds someone who can be killed off in a single episode for extra tension without needing to spend too much time on it?

dfjkd danny asking junior “you got the animal with you?” is just so perfect. he’s obviously EXTREMELY WORRIED but he can’t just show that too obviously so he insults steve. brilliant move.

also, the “it’s good to hear your voice, buddy” bit almost made me cry.

THAT DREAM. oh my god, THAT DREAM.

doris points a gun at steve, because OF COURSE SHE DOES.

“oh, that’s this ends? huh? you gonna kill me, now?” like i said before: OH STEVE.

oh my gOD they ACTUALLY made doris the bad guy. I DID NOT. EXPECT THIS. don’t get me wrong, i absolutely totally LOVE IT but i DID NOT THINK they’d go there, holy shit.

doris is rambling crazily about how she lost her husband and her kids WHILE POINTING A GUN at one of those kids, which perfectly encapsulates why she’s so wrong, wow.

“stop thinking about yourself for a second and think about my loss.” oh my GOD, doris, ARE YOU SERIOUS

“a family that never understood me or the sacrifices i made for them” fjdkfdjkfdjkf I DIE this is so hard to watch but SO GOOD. this is everything i could possibly ever have wanted them to do with doris, ESPECIALLY when steve tells her straight to her face that she never actually made those sacrifices for them because HE’S RIGHT, obviously, but genuinely, i didn’t think something like this would ever happen outside the realm of fanfic. wow.

listen. i don’t give two shits about doris, okay, and it might actually be BETTER that she’s dead now, but oh. oh. steve’s response? steve, completely unable to move, staring at his dead mom and just sinking back to the floor like a bag of potatoes when junior tries to drag him up? OH. that has me very near tears anyway

the shots from steve’s pov with the vision that keeps blurring out? oh god.

once back in washington some cia guys zip open the body bags to take pictures and fingerprints and that makes sense but do they really have to do that RIGHT IN FRONT OF STEVE

“she stayed on target, until the very end. she did her job.” are you serious. no. she did not do her job, nor did she stay on target - she nearly killed her son, remember that part?

someone knocked at the door of steve’s sad gray washington hotel room and i was like PLEASE LET IT BE DANNY and he opened the door and IT WAS DANNY. why is this episode so good. why

okay so. the money doris was after was supposed to be for steve and mary and joanie. oh my god, i genuinely don’t know if that makes anything better or worse at this point, but it’s going to be even more of a gut punch for steve, for sure

“define okay for me” I AM SO DEAD

steve ACTUALLY MENTIONS the fact that five-0 started with the dead of his father and that joe died only last year and nOW HIS MOTHER. this!!! this is an episode actually written by someone who understands this character and it rips my heart apart in the very best of ways

“the bed, that’s big enough for two people, right?” OKAY. first you tear my heart to pieces, then you run it through a shredder just to be sure, and then you make me laugh AND give the entire fandom NEARLY CANON “there is only one bed” trope???

THIS WAS SO GOOD. SO PAINFUL BUT SO GOOD. i genuinely did not think i would like an episode that promised the return of doris, but they did just about the one thing with her that DID make it something i really, really wanted to watch and just, oh god, they kept danny in it as a person who actually plays a part in steve’s life, and steve was so good, every single bit of it, and there was so much direly needed dialogue about steve and doris’ relationship and just, yes. god, yes. this was brilliant. this was probably my favorite episode in a good long while and i don’t even LIKE angst.

#h50 spoilers #h50 #steve mcgarrett #10.07 #*

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shaonsim · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on the writing of itv!!! What kinda show would you writeee

My friend. My hero. Thank you for sending this in. Thank you so much!! You gave me such a wonderful opportunity to blab about stuff.

THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

The writing of ITV, you ask? Hang on my friend, this will be a WILD ride. A wild ride. This will be loong and wordy and a little incoherent, jumping from one point to another, but this will tell you a lot about how I feel about the writing of ITV.

And yes, this will read like a letter to the CVs because I am totally incapable of abiding the rules of grammar and I don't want to edit all this.

And I apologise for the out of context references that seeped in with time. Sorry, couldn't help it. I will gladly expand upon any of the references.

The main thing with writing (according to me, but I don't like repeating this disclaimer since by asking the question you already know that this will be my personal opinion, but still, for safety purposes)...The main thing with writing is that the core concept can be summed up in one single paragraph, and then you add words for emphasis.

You write in a thousand situations, in different styles, only for the message to hit home.

Look at our Epics.

Ramayana can be summed up as the Ram-Ravan conflict in a good Vs evil way. Lakshman is the devoted brother, Hanuman (ji) is an ardent devotee of Ram-Sita.

Mahabharata is basically another story of good Vs evil, where Duryodhan is the evil guy , Shakuni is an evil mastermind, 99 Kaurav brothers (+ Karna) the sidekicks, and the rest of the Kurus (+ Drona and Kripa ) as the silent voices of reason.

And almost every event emphasises these points. Because that's the story.

Look at Harry Potter. Three kids (young blood/new generation ) fighting against the big bad and pointing out and fixing the mistakes of the past along the way.

Look at Kalpurush (I read it during the quarantine and I am in love ❤ ) , where the main theme is that a mother worries whether the circumstances will lead to history repeating itself, whether a son will follow his father's footsteps, and whether she would be happy if he did turn out to be like that.

Technically, it is the same with shows.

Sasural Simar Ka began with the concept of the deep bond between the sisters, then moved on to supernatural forces interfering with the Bhardwaj family. The theme changed, but it didn't vanish.

Swaragini began as a show revolving around the sisters, and it stayed like that for forever, even when the plot went sideways and the sisters were pitted against each other.

Kumkum bhagya is a show where the leads battle kidnapping, murder attempts, misunderstandings etc and come out longing for each other and dreaming about happier times (the same was the theme of Pavitra Rishta too, if I remember correctly. But with less kidnapping.) And now the show has taken a leap with a love triangle between the kids (look, another similarity between kkb and pr. Go Ekta)!

KZK2 *cringe cringe* is all about AnuPre who love each other but don't end up with each other because of various reasons.

ITV has this thing down pat.

But it fails to come up with proper events to highlight their core concept and of course, they fail to choose an interesting theme for the show, but heyy, human mind and relationships is a gold mine for ideas. It is fascinating, and quite enjoyable, if it is done right. Am I biased because it is my favourite genre? Yes of course.

But the point stands.

Another important part of writing is that in order to come up with plot points that will reinforce your main idea, you need to come up with a cast of interesting characters, and develop their background to give you an ample opportunity to create the above mentioned plot points. The spectators, onlookers, the influencers need motivation - reasons for their actions.

Think about Karna. Think about Drupad-Drona. Think about Bhishma-Amba. Think about Jayadrath and his boon.

Sub-plots, side-plots. Parallel storylines.

For the most part, ITV fails in this department. The characters or stories they introduce are a) boring (either because we fail to understand their motivation or because they are diluted versions of the leads) or b) annoying because of their over enthusiastic and blind favouritism for the lead character they support.

^ Casting and acting also plays a major part in this (ugh Chandni ), but most of the time, it can be solved with focusing on the actor's strengths and weaknesses and changing the dialogues based on that. A writer can change things.

That's their job.

If your side characters are not interesting enough to deserve a story of their own, you aren't trying hard enough. That said, if you can't weave in their story in your main story, do not focus on the side plots. No one is interested in seeing your hodgepodge of TWO (or more) stories. It should all come together in the end, it should become one BIG story. Bring it all together!!

But do focus on the side plots, because there is only so much you can do with your leads, especially in the romance/family (whatever you call it) genre that occupies 90% of tellywood (and for good reason too!!)

A good plan is to create events with one of your main character and a group of characters (how small or big a group is for you to decide). If you force the audience to look at two/three supporting characters, no body will be happy.

Use your leads!!!!

Also, PLEASE use the show Vs tell method.

You want us to know that the male lead is adored by his sister? Show us. And by that, I meant scenes where we can see the bond they share, NOT dull monologues where the sister sings praises of her brother (a few monologues are fine though). You are an audio-visual medium.

ACT LIKE IT.

Monologues are for written things. Where we only have the words and our own imagination. Here, you have the tools to present us with the pictures, with the words they speak to each other.

Don't waste it.

In the same vein, do not repeat dialogues. Not word to word (don't repeat the same thing with different wording multiple times in a single episode or a week of episodes). Switch it up, and if you have to, have to repeat stuff, use an actor who has decent facial expressions and voice modulation. If the actor is stiff, robotic, then don't use that actor to parrot your lines. Seriously.

<< Not to hate on anyone in particular but Prerna's 'Anurag Anurag Anurag' is very annoying, for reasons that are better left unspoken >>

Hey, hey, you know what else is an integral part of writing? Research. Making a show on doctors? Police? Engineers? Lawyers? Chefs? Do your research. And if you want to take the short cut and go with the convenient business men/women trope, by all means, go for it. GO FOR IT. But show them working, and no, not because of tracks revolving around the business, but always. Running a business is a full time responsibility. Show that. I repeat, show that. Show that the character isn't home 24x7, show late night meetings, show files neatly stacked (or strewn about, your choice). Show the products or materials involved in the business. Show your characters being exhausted with the amount of work, show their involvement in their work. Or don't, if that suits the story and your character is neglectful, or if you have a proper reason to have them take some time off. Pay attention.

Time for a checklist.

Central theme? ✅

Side plots (+ characters)? ✅

Edit things because of the actors? ✅

Show Vs Tell? ✅

Research? ✅

How much DRAMA is too much drama? ❔❔

Now, this is a product of my curiosity (+ me posting the Fic Which Must Not Be Named), but I think this fits nicely with the rest of this answer. I wouldn't explain this in detail because the original post does a much better job (and I need validation, so go read that post) but to think, that ITV tells us stories of other people, and whether it is this very question, this doubt, that leads to the numerous kidnappings and accidents/fire/misunderstandings we see in 90% of the shows.

Okay, time to return to the checklist.

Oh. Oh! I forgot my favourite part.

The influences of the audience. Every writer has a story to tell. And while it is difficult to think that the ITV creatives know what they want to do with their story, I would give them the benefit of doubt. Besides, as a writer myself, I know that 80% of writing is having no clue as to where you want to take the story. ANYWAY, back to the topic at hand. I think, if everything was written and shot before telecast, we might get cohesive writing. As it is, the creatives put out some content, look at the reaction, and try to maintain the highs or fix the blunders, by hook or crook.

And the story suffers.

Complete revamping of tracks, characters behaving worse than pendulums, repeat of romantic scenes, bringing in new characters out of the blue - I believe, most of these things occur in a rush to fetch (or maintain) ratings.

Now, let's talk about copy-pasting tracks without bothering to look at the bigger picture. What works for one show, works only because it goes with the past and future events of the show. You can't grab xyz from show1 and throw it into show2, because S2 does not have the background of S1. It wouldn't work, because the characters are different, their motivation is different, their past is different, everything is different.

Also, can we talk about how two people of opposite genders can be friendly and helpful to each other without secretly pining for the other person? It doesn't always have to be romance, although it can be perceived as that, if you want a jealousy track. Character A and B both know there is no romantic feelings, but Character C is seeing green because heyy, DRAMA!!

((This is one thing that disastrous Bajlo tomar alor benu did right, in respect to Minu and Rudra))

Another important thing - people can (and should, if you want it to be realistic) be morally grey. There is a phase between liking someone or hating them or wishing them to be dead or actually killing them. Also, not everyone has access to criminals and goons. I REPEAT, not everyone has a criminal connection, or the mental capacity to actually execute the plan to the T.

Thinking of murder, planning murder and straight up plunging a knife in someone's chest are different things. Remember the difference.

USE THE DIFFERENCE.

And while you are on it, learn the difference between attraction, appreciation and love.

We might be attracted to a particular quality - a physical attribute, a skill, a specific philosophy etc. We might appreciate that quality in a fellow human being. And we might be attracted to and appreciate the person with those qualities, but that doesn't mean that we would love them.

In the ocean of unnecessary romance angles and third wheels, this core difference is often brushed away in a bid to gain trps. Please don't do that.

Another checklist.

Ratings changing the story? ✅

Copy pasting tracks ✅

The world is grey ✅

Less criminal activity ✅

Not everything is love ✅

Would you look at that! I covered so many things. Fear not, I still have a lot to say. Mwahaha.

Not going to go into detail about my opinions on in-laws on ITV, because that is already covered here, but let's talk about the actual family.

The parents, siblings, cousins, relatives. Again, I am going to repeat myself and tell them to use the show Vs tell method. And actually focus on the dynamics because although the equations will change after marriage (for the male lead, the female lead will be cut off from her family 80% of the time), these relationships set the foundation for your character. Their personality. Motivation.

If you are going with a character who is distant, then by all means, do so, but do NOT ignore the family. Show that the character doesn't care.

Show it. Don't gloss over it.

That said, limit your exploration of characters and back stories. There is no hard or fast rule, but if it feels like too much focus, then it is too much focus. Go follow your basic INSTINCTS.

Okay, now is the time to come to the business side of writing for ITV. Bringing in popular characters, giving them smart dialogues and promoting them to the High Heavens. Wonderful trick. But do it in a subtle way. We will gladly let you play us, but only until we realise that we have been played. Subtly manipulate things. Subtly.

And, talking about that, let's also talk about how consistency is really important. Dumping black (or white) paint on characters would not wash away past grievances. It wouldn't remove the impression we already have. So if you want to portray someone in a positive light, work up to that point. Same with negative portrayals. Ease us into the change in perspective.

((Bajaj track in KZK2 is the perfect example of how the writers totally FAILED to follow this rule))

Also, if you are writing comedy, please hire good actors. Comedy is incredibly difficult, and if the performance isn't up to the mark, then it falls flat. And bad comedy is very annoying.

Another thing. If you have a social message, as in if the central theme is a social issue, do NOT forget your theme. And do not shove it down our throats. Don't make it preachy. Strive for balance.

And here, let me remind you that you do need a central theme, that's a very important part of your story. So pick a theme. And stick to it.

Think of your story like a human body.

Skeleton is the theme. The concept.

Blood is the undercurrents, the 'vibe'.

Organs are the characters.

Veins and arteries are the relationships.

Flesh is your plot.

Skin is the sub plots and side plots.

AND TOGETHER, THEY MAKE A STORY.

TOGETHER, THEY MAKE A STORY.

See how I repeated myself for emphasis? That's what you have to do, in a more subdued and complex way. I know you have it in you.

And because I wrote so much about adding sub plots and side characters, let's talk about what you shouldn't do, with me quoting myself:

Even CID, a show I loved to watch because it was a crime drama but less gruesome than what you would expect, could not escape tellywood’s clutches and turned into a chaotic mess with too many new characters and a massive shift in focus - in its last days, it was more of a romantic drama with the crime sprinkled in, and because there were so many new characters (who were boring 70% of time and annoying for the other 30%), I had ZERO interest in the series. The crimes have always been similar, what kept me hooked was the way they dealt with it and their group dynamics, which was ruined by bringing in a hoard of characters who contributed nothing to the story. And the Shreya-Daya track was a bad one from its conception, there was no need to drag it until my mild indifference turned into a major annoyance. And they could have avoided all of this. There was no need to ruin a perfectly good show with lazy, uncreative writing.

^ Bolded are the parts I consider important.

Also, let me take this opportunity to talk about shows similar to CID, in which every episode deals with a mini-plot and it is only the characters that remain the same. Crime dramas, medical dramas (although one the most popular ones on ITV - DMG was less about medicine and more about Jerk!Armaan and his jerk-ness and got rid of this problem in an innovative way that deserves an essay of its own, but I digress).

If the only thing remaining constant is your characters and their group dynamics, then do NOT throw in twenty new characters at once. Introduce them one at a time and limit the number of characters you will use. Keep the same cast for a decent chunk of time. Please. And do not add in multiple sub plots. The storyline is already a little blurry, jumping from case to case, so too much drama between the characters can be either too much to handle or just very, very boring. The focus is on the cases. Keep it there.

A show that did it quite well, was Goyenda Ginni, what with the overarching plot of a homemaker balancing housework and her passion for solving crimes. And because it was always about a family, with limited characters (bringing in spouses for the unmarried characters), it wasn't crowded.

Before I forget, here are some of my common issues with ITV and their writing department ⬇️

EK and her love for the child!track

Portrayal of marriage and relationship

^ And I must add that the Fic Which Must Not Be Named came into being because I couldn't accept the marriage trope for the two characters from the show that has become my latest obsession, even if the trope is shown in a negative light and the people in it are called out and they realise how wrong they are. #shaonHatesDealMarriages

The year 2020 and tellywood marriages

For the most part the last two links say the same things, but the wording and examples and the object of focus is different (this is how you hammer it home, CVs, write long posts on the same thing until the world learns about your hatred for said things. You're welcome 😎)

Also, something I remembered while writing the little note about forced marriages - acknowledge the wrongdoings of your characters, EVEN if they are the leads and you want people to love them. Glossing over the misdeeds wouldn't help, but accepting the truth, pointing out the flaws and then adding the reasoning behind the actions, and later on, writing in the realisation and apology for the act, is a much, much better idea. It is easier to forgive someone if their misdemeanor isn't shoved under the rug. But don't go overboard with the accusations. Repeating the truth multiple times only serves to annoy us.

Have I covered everything? I don't know. Feel free to ask me specific things in case you think I didn't comment on something. It is easy for me to forget about things while writing an answer as long as this. Not to mention, that I framed the first two-three paragraphs in my head while I stood under the shower, so in the rush to jot down everything I had thought of, I might have missed some stuff. Happens to the best of us, eh?

Coming to the second part of your question, I must admit, I am not the best at coming up with original premises. I like to dwell on the thoughts of the individual, delve deeper into their minds and do stuff - as evident in my love for the romance/drama genre, and why I love that ITV has so many shows in this genre. Why my writing (the drabbles I wrote last week), is more about the people than the plot. That's just who I am.

That said, I think I would do good with a team. Together, we can write a lot of things. ((Someone agree to do a collaborative fun writing project right now, I love those. We can make full use of all this free time and write a story of our own)).

No, seriously.

I love writing as a team.

#please leave a message || asks #tw:longpost #someone do a word count #I am going to add this to my weekly word count #because woah #I wrote so much #Enjoy!!#and share your views!!!!#shaon watches itv #3155 words #this includes the emojis #so like #3100 #I suppose?

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