#actually recently like one of the singular reasons ive been motivated to keep working is because i can have a numpad layer with a backspace

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

if i do the last push of soldering today the hardware of my keyboard is gonna be done and THEN you all can see a really weird keyboard

[bloodgulchblog]

As a recent convert, I think one of the things that gets me about the UNSC, for all that it contains many of our most beloved faces and characters, is absolutely the turbofascist monolithic antagonist of a hundred other works of fiction and yet here, somehow, remains the singular edifice standing between humanity and extinction when it came to the Covenant. It’s literally one of the worst things to happen to mankind except for \this particular incident/ and it’s maddening. Like I’m reading all this shit about Parangosky and Halsey today, and combing the wikis, and I’m just in awe- esp how that would like, ‘justify’ it’s existence in-universe ( even if it actually still wouldn’t have been enough! If the Prophets had waited like a week to kick things off it would have been over. )

Wild.

Welcome to, and my condolences for, Halo!

I think part of what's going on is: Halo borrows really openly from some source material, and two of the most obvious contributors to its DNA are Alien/Aliens and Starship Troopers. Halo: Combat evolved isn't just about shooting alien soldiers, it's also about the horror of encountering a new and scary parastic threat that's even more alien than the known enemy. (Someone with deeper pre-release Halo familiarity than me would have to confirm this, but I'm under the impression that the Flood was not mentioned anywhere before the game came out and it was a big surprise.)

Both of these sources feature pretty grim settings where you are not supposed (....at least in the film version of Starship Troopers, it's been a long time since I engaged with Starship Troopers in any form so I'm running on thinner memory ice here) to view the government/military as good and heroic.

One of the things that really cheered me up about Halo this year was finally reading Contact Harvest (which was released pretty much concurrently with Halo 3) and seeing in very clear terms how well Joseph Staten understood that this setting is incredibly fucked up. It's that way intentionally. Early Halo knows that the UNSC is the cudgel the Unified Earth Government is using to bludgeon the colony worlds into line and that this shit is not okay. We do get heroic UNSC characters all the time, but... I don't think that entirely derails the idea, because heroic and good individuals cannot overturn the badness of a whole power structure. (Also, Nylund absolutely loved brave and noble ship captains who are trying their best to do the right thing when faced with complicated and terrible choices, and really, who doesn't.)

I feel like the point where it starts to break down is as Halo went on to be not just a trilogy of games, but a huge ongoing media property where they (and by they I mean 343/Microsoft, because the rot really starts to set in by that point) had to keep figuring out reasons to make video games about this. And Halo's games have never been particularly good at calling out the fraught sociopolitical Stuff going on in the Halo universe, and thus the UNSC gets off looking way cleaner than it actually is unless you are big enough of a nerd to get into the expanded lore.

So, by trying to just continue what worked before and make UNSC Good Aliens Bad FPSes while the apocalyptic alien xenocide war is over, you end up with the weird situation where it feels like the big drivers of Halo canon don't want to rock the boat on the UNSC. That's how we get shit like the Spartan-IVs being presented as the "unproblematic" Spartan program even if the motives are the same and the ethics are still rancid.

Honestly, that's probably why they went with Cortana going off the chain in Halo 5. It raised the already-ugly issue of how badly AIs are treated in the UNSC, but it handily dodged having to deal with the much more mundane and close-to-reality issue of using military force for control over people.

[morinokunikara]

Altschmerz w/ mishima mayhaps owo

Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years.

IM SORRY THIS TOOK A WHOLEASS MONTH TO RESPOND TO LIFE HAS BEEN HELL AND IVE ONLY RECENTLY GOTTEN THE MOTIVATION TO WRITE DAILY 

Anyways I wrote this in my idol school au so enjoy!!!

“One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.” 

The cheerful music and Yuuki’s muttered counts echoed through the large, otherwise empty practice room, each step landing softly as he followed the routine he had practiced again and again. 

“One, two, three, four. One, two, three four.”

Right, left, spin, hop. Step, step, skip, hop. Cross, right, lef- Shit!

His rhythm was cut off as he tripped over his own legs, and his body met the wood flooring with a thud. “Ugh...damnit.” He crawled to the large speaker next to him and shut it off. The room went silent and he rested against the mirrored wall. Why can’t I get this right? Everyone else has already moved forward... He brought his knees to his chest with a sigh, and mentally went over the routine again. 

Step, step, skip, hop. Cross, right, left, step. 

It was that left step that got him. Every time, he’d stumble or fall over completely. The rest of his group had it. He was holding them back. If he didn’t figure it out, they wouldn’t pass this audition at all. He’d disappoint everyone. He had to keep trying, for their sake. He pulled himself back up and restarted the music track. 

“One, two, three, four.”

Cross, right, left, st-

Thud.

“Damnit!” The fall was particularly painful compared to others. His left ankle twisted as he went to the ground, and he whined as he rubbed the hurt leg. 

“That was quite the fall,” A gentle voice came from the other end of the room. The tall, slender figure walked over to Yuuki, kneeling next to him. “Oh...hey, Kitagawa...” Yuuki stopped tending to his leg and looked away. To be caught like this in front of a classmate, especially in front of someone as elegant and handsome as Yusuke Kitagawa. He was one of the best students in his class, and already fairly well known in the idol world. His beauty, his artistic eye, even his frequently eccentric behavior gained him a large fan following. And he just saw Yuuki crash and burn like some kind of newbie. 

“Sorry to interrupt, I just believe I forgot my water bottle here.” Kitagawa walked to Yuuki���s side. “You aren’t too hurt, are you? Can you move your leg?” He asked. “Is it alright if I touch it? I just want to make sure it isn’t swollen or anything of the sort.” 

Yuuki nodded slowly. He could only hope it wasn't so bad that he wouldn't be able to dance... He watched as his classmate pushed up his left pant leg and looked carefully at the injury. Kitagawa moved it a bit, and Yuuki winced slightly. "Did that hurt?"

"A little..." Yuuki's anxieties grew. Would he be able to dance in time for the next audition? 

Kitagawa hummed thoughtfully. "Can you get up and walk around for a little bit?" Yuuki nodded and pulled himself up. He winced at the first few steps, but soon was able to walk through the pain with nothing more than a slight limp. 

"I don't believe it's broken," Kitagawa said as he watched. "However, we may need to take you the the infirmary just in ca-" 

"No!" Yuuki snapped. He shrunk back when he noticed Kitagawa's startled expression. "Sorry I just- I can't risk having to stop practicing even for a day. I have to get this routine perfect in time for auditions.” 

Kitagawa stayed silent for a moment, biting his lip. “Well, if you won’t go to the infirmary, would you at the very least accompany me on a walk? You may be able to just walk this injury off, and return to practice without an issue. 

Yuuki hesitated. Could he really afford to take such a break? But then again, walking with Kitagawa, going on a walk with an idol ranked so high above him... It might just prove to be beneficial for him. “A walk sounds fine. As long as it isn’t too long, I want to practice more before lights out.” 

The two walked out into the courtyard together. The sun had just barely set, and the first stars of the night were starting to shine through the darkening sky. The cool autumn breeze whipped colorful leaves along their legs, a few of the leaves crunching under their steps as they walked down the concrete path under the canopy of increasingly vacant trees. Yuuki looked down at the leaves under them, unsure of what to say or do. His mind was flooded with thoughts on the situation. He could take this chance to learn what it meant to be a high ranked idol! But what if Kitagawa thought he was using him to get ahead? Or what if he saw other idols as competition and refused, or worse, gave fake, sabotaging advice? Lost in his thoughts, he ended up nearly tripping directly into the fountain in the center of the courtyard. 

“Careful. We wouldn’t want you to fall again,” Kitagawa warned. 

“Sorry,” Yuuki muttered, looking off to the side. “I must’ve got lost in my thoughts.” He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. 

“Here, have a seat.” Kitagawa sat on one of the benches that faced the fountain and patted the spot next to him. “We can walk again when you’re more focused.” 

Yuuki took a seat on the bench as well. Still unsure of what to say, he stayed silent as he watched the water sprouting from the fountain and down into the pool below. 

“It’s relaxing, isn’t it?” Kitagawa broke the silence between them. “I frequently come here when I need some time away, or when I need inspiration.” 

Yuuki didn’t reply. What was there to say? He didn’t need time away. In fact, he needed the opposite. He should probably get back to practicing already. He was starting to get antsy. 

“You know,” Kitagawa apparently still had more to say. Wonderful. “Dancing and singing are art forms, just like painting. Idols themselves really are artists. I always admired them for that reason, and found myself wanting to expand my horizons outside of just a singular art form. However-” The ''however” caught Yuuki’s attention, and he looked to Kitagawa. “-Just like with painting, there is such a thing as practicing too much. How long were you in that practice room for?”

“Since dance lessons ended so...” Yuuki counted up the hours in his head. “About 3 and a half hours I think.” 

“And did you take a break once in that time?”

“No.” 

“Ah, see? You have to give yourself a chance to rest.” 

“I don’t have time to rest. I have to work as much as I can. I have to catch up to everyone else. Almost everyone in the school is ranked higher than me, including-” Yuuki stopped himself. No, it would be selfish to mention her. It wasn’t his fault she was so much better than him.

“Including your sister, correct?” Kitagawa asked, looking to Yuuki. 

Yuuki sighed. “Yeah. Including her. She’s always been better than me. She was our parents’ clear favorite. The ace student, the soccer MVP, the Theatre star... I always paled in comparison to her. So I have to keep working harder, so I can be on her level.” 

It was something Yuuki had dealt with since his sister was born. In everything she did, she shined brighter than him. Everything became about her. She was the center of their lives, and Yuuki was almost completely forgotten. He always tried to work himself harder, push himself more, fight on despite exhaustion, but nothing ever worked for them. He was never good enough. He thought that maybe, just maybe, attending the Atlas Idol Academy would change that but of course it didn’t. His sister climbed far above him almost instantly, and ended up near the top of the rankings, while he stayed near the bottom. 

“So you want to climb up to the top of this school’s ranking? And you think you can do that by dancing on an injured ankle?” 

The question cut hard on Yuuki. Well, yeah, when he puts it like that of course it sounds bad. “No but...” 

“You know, I was the same with my own paintings, at a time. I watched even younger artists soar above me. Naturally, my first reaction was that I wasn’t working hard enough. So I pushed myself more. First I gave up sleeping, then eating, then so much as putting the brush down for a few seconds. Despite my greatest effort, everything I painted turned out... soulless. They lacked emotion, meaning, everything. It wasn’t until I injured my wrist, and passed out from exhaustion, that I realized how much damage I was doing not only to myself, but to my art.” Kitagawa sighed and looked back to the fountain. “Do you understand what I’m saying?” 

Yuuki stared at the fountain as he processed his classmate’s words. He understood but... that was different right? Wasn’t it? If he worked harder, if he pushed himself, he’d be the best. “It’s just not the same situation.” 

“Not the exact same, but there are striking similarities. What will you do if your ankle gets worse, or if you pass out. You’re determined about this audition, are you not? If you end up hurt, you’ll only cause yourself to not be able to participate at all.” 

Yuuki knew he was right but... but... No. No buts this time. “...I know...” He muttered. It kind of sucked to admit, but Kitagawa may have had a point. He couldn’t audition if he ended up hospitalized. 

“Good.” Kitagawa smiled and got up. “So, what are your plans now?”

Yuuki rose as well, stretching his arms as he did so. “I think I’ll go back to my room for now. My ankle feels better, but I’ll keep an eye on it and go to the infirmary if things get worse. And uh...thanks for looking out for me. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. Contact me anytime you’re in need of a reminder. Would you like me to escort you to your dorm?” 

“I wouldn’t mind that at all.” Without really thinking, Yuuki offered his arm to Kitagawa, who...actually took it? He realized a second too late what he had done, and averted his gaze to hide the dusting of pink on his face. Not that anyone could see it with how dark it was.

The two walked arm in arm together until they reached Yuuki’s dorm room. They said their good nights before parting ways, and Yuuki went straight to bed so he could rest up for the next day. In the time following, Yuuki followed his own pace, and found himself able to master the routine in time for the audition, leading to his group acing the audition with flying colors. He still fell into his old mindset from time to time, but when he did, his new friend was there, always supportive, always willing to remind him to work at his own pace to be the best he could be.