#actually julia is delusional

[ghostbeam]

Absolutely he said it about you. He compelled me to post it so you’d know what he said 💜 (I hope you’re having a good week so far!!)

Omg thank u for helping him communicate that to me ix🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶(I am!!! I hope you are as well!!)

[sunshine-jesse]

I think you give too much weight to Ashley’s claim that eating people makes her stronger. There has been no evidence of that being the case in the way she insists upon. Even on the “good” route where Andy comes around on it after theorizing that the demons are actually ascended & amalgamated human souls, he points out that any metaphysical essence to be gained is fully in the soul, the bodies of their victims she’s been eating are just hollow inert meat. If you think otherwise, where is that strength on display? Her being convinced of the idea doesn’t make it true, and thus it is not a “good reason” for her to do it knowing it would start a fight with Andrew. If anything, it’s evidence in favor of Andrew seeing Ashley as too delusional/childishly imaginative/self-aggrandizing to ascribe meaningful agency.

We see her soul in Andrew's dream sequence and it's massive. My point is that I think Ashley intuitively understands that as a form of strength, and while we don't yet see how that strength manifests outside of it supposedly being able to summon stronger Entities, it's still part of a broader point that he doesn't take her intuition seriously.

Her intuitive understanding of the world is something she's been given credit for by Andrew and something that's shown to be broadly correct every time, with her problem being that she's misidentifying what the vibes she's picking up on actually mean. If you think I'm crazy for saying she's "broadly correct," I would like to point out that Julia and Renee are explicitly shown to have the same kind of intuition, too, and Ashley is just the one who's mentally ill enough to make it a problem for everyone.

I would like to emphasize that this is something Andrew explicitly says that he appreciated about the 'adult' version of Ashley that he's primarily attracted to:

"You once had moxie, charm, intuition, and perseverance."

Him being unable to do this is textually a reflection of his inability to think of her an adult. When I say "good reason" I mean at least giving her enough credit to assume that there's a method to her madness and to help her work through it.

Now should he be expected to do this? That's not my call to make. But when I make analysis like this I'm flatly stating what he could be doing to make things better and why he doesn't.

I mean, shit, if he wants to help her through the cannibalism stuff, he could start by explaining just why the strength she gains from it isn't (yet) directly relevant to their situation. But he's not willing (or able) to put that kind of thought into her actions in the route where it's relevant.

And it actually says A LOT that he's willing to do that in Cliffhanger.

[rubin-therubix-loverofblorbos]

CARMEN SANDIEGO INCORRECT QUOTES

Shadowsan: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Carmen's birthday invitations. Ivy: Well, what are they supposed to say? Shadowsan: "Carmen's birthday". Ivy: So, what do they say instead? Shadowsan: "Carmen’s bi". Ivy: Ivy: Works out either way.

-----

Player: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it? Ivy: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey… how you doin’?” Carmen, scoffing: Oh, please. Ivy, to Carmen: Hey, how you doin’? Carmen: Carmen: giggles and blushes

-----

Zack: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen. Player: That’s a snake.

-----

Ivy: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people? Shadowsan: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause. Ivy: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though? Shadowsan: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

-----

Vlad: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

-----

{I really need someone to clarify whether they're brothers or two deadpan Russians that Just Look Like That. Because they give such Gay Stone-Faced Lovers but idk. hm. [Looks at the To Steal Or Not To Steal Dip™️*] oh okay}

Boris: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Vlad: It was autocorrect. Boris: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Vlad: Yes.

-----

Boris: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Vlad: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Boris, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

-----

Boris: We should be partners. Vlad: You mean like, partners in crime? Boris: Yeah… that’s precisely what I meant.

------

Dr. Bellum: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right? Cleo: Nope, there's 26. Dr. Bellum: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T. Cleo: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one. Dr. Bellum: You'll get the D later ;).

------

Cleo: The stars are so beautiful… Dr. Bellum: They're just giant balls of gas. Cleo: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- Dr. Bellum: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. Cleo: Oh…

-------

Chase: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met.

---------

Chase: What’s up? I’m back. Zack: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Chase: Death is a social construct.

---------

The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one Chase: I will not let you down. Ivy: Sounds fun. Zack: K. Julia: No, I'm fucking not. Carmen: Do I have to be? Shadowsan: Please god, I am so tired.

----------

Shadowsan: Wanna hear some dark humor. Ivy: Yeah, I love dark humor. Shadowsan: Alright. Shadowsan: Turns off the lights Shadowsan: Knock knock. Ivy: Turn the damn lights back on.

------------

Zack, washing the dishes: Who the fuck used this pan?? Zack: Wait. I the fuck used this pan… Ivy: It was you the fuck. Zack: It was I the fuck… Shadowsan: Who cooks rice in a pan? Ivy: They the fuck.

-------------

Carmen: trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark Carmen: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?" Associate: Well, I- Carmen: How about "You witnessed the murder of my actual dad?" Associate: No…Wait, wha- Carmen: You know what, I'll just get a blank one. Carmen: writes You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

-------------

Shadowsan: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed. Chase: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Shadowsan!

-------------

Ivy: Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are! Chase: What are you then? Ivy: I'm a Virgo!

--------------

Zack: I once tried to play a pirated copy of Garfield Kart, when Garfield jumped out of my PC! We are currently married with three beautiful children and a summer house in Lisbon.

--------------

*The Dip from To Steal or Not to Steal {no seriously they slayed. Those little gay boys served every bit of cunt within the timespan of three and a half seconds}

ALSO, The Entire Video, which is fucking amazing. Masterpiece.

[ray935sworld]

How it ended (Lorenzo/ Alex M)

Chapter 3: Older brother

All parts

The next morning came and bought a dry mood to Cevera. Julia and Roser shared a look over their coffee mugs as their gaze traveled to the two empty chairs opposite of them. Normally the two would have run down the stairs, their voices loud, only their laughter louder.

They jumped, gave them a good morning kiss before sliding in their seat. The same routine ever since they were kids.

But now both boys hadn't left their room since their confrontation. Not like they had expected them to. But now the next morning had come and the Marquez parents hoped that with that some sense returned to their sons. To both their sons.

Marc was the only one joining them in the late morning. He sat down and had his breakfast, not asking about Alex.

Some more time passed. Still no sign of the younger brother. Marc acted like he didn't care. But Roser did.

She had a terrible feeling in her guts. She couldn't quite place it but the more time passed without Alex, the more unsettled she felt. She wanted to talk to him, reassure him that they get through his. She hadn't step up from him and the guilt was starting to crawl into her skin the longer Alex wasn't around.

When Marc finished his breakfast, later than Alex would normally sleep, she made a decision. She would fix this. And knowing her sons the best way was an eye tk eye between them.

"Marc, go call your brother down, will you? It's getting late" She watched him look up, his eyes, already grumpy now turned even darker. He crossed his arms infront of his chest, a challenging look towards his mother.

He refused to even think about his words as he spoke them. "I don't have a brother." Now it was his turn watching his mother's gaze turn dark. She tilted her head slightly to the side. A clear sign that now he had to be careful. But he refused to back down. Not so soon. No matter how cruel he knew it was and how little he believed in it.

"Marc. Don't be ridiculous." Her voice was showing how little she was willing to discuss this. Marc however was more than willing to fight on this.

"I'm being ridiculous?" he shot back angrily. "He is the reason I'm getting fucking death threats. It's his fault and he doesn't even try to see it! He's delusional!" "Because he's in a relationship?" "No. Because he is in a relationship with Jorge fucking Lorenzo. I - Do I really need to replay it all again? Lorenzo fucks him to get to me. Or do you actually think he loves him?"

No. She didn't believe it. She really didn't believe it. It just seemed to far gone, too much. She bit her lips and tried to overturn her thoughts, give them the benefit of the doubt. Afterall her son wasn't an idiot.

"Maybe. I don't know him." "Mom" Marc said, giving her a 'serious?' look. "What the fuck would someone like him want from him? For real. What should he see in him? Give me one good reason?"

"He's a good boy" "And naive. I mean - fucking lorenzo right now? In the middle of all this chaos? WHY?" "Maybe they didn't." Julia interrupted. Marc immediately gave him an angry glance, having believed he was on his side.

"Trust me, I am at least as unhappy as you are about this. I mean - Okay if they are in a real relationship, we need to deal with this. Together. Or else you're not gonna see your brother anymore. Do you really want this? Cause the anger that you're feeling right now will fade. And so will your career. You're not gonna race forever. Lorenzo will probably retire before you and then? What if Alex won't talk to you anymore. Are you still gonna hang after that?"

"He betrayed me. Us. Dad, he betrayed all of us." "Would it be a betray if Rossi hadn't spit out those bullshit accusation?" "I-" Marc stuttered. He stared down, shrugging. "I don't know. Yes. Maybe... I mean... He still would have slept with one of my rivals"

"Okay enough talking above Alex head" Julia decided. "We are judging something we know nothing about. We don't know how long this has been going on, right? I mean I doubt they started dating after Sepang. We don't know how Alex feels about him and how lorenzo treats him"

"There's nothing to know!" Marc tried to protest again. "Lorenzo is a toxic asshole that only wants to win. I-" "You are very different to your media persona too, young man" Roser reminded him. "And isn't he friends with Dani now? Dani is a kind man, I doubt he'd be friends with a toxic asshole." "But-" "Enough."

Julia looked between his wife and son and internally shook his head. Both seemed unwilling to move from their point of view. This would be an Intresting discussion.

"I'll go get him" Julia announced and made his was up the stairs. He knock a few times, not getting an answer while Roser gave his oldest son a daring glance. "Be nice" "Me?! He-" "Trust me, I won't go easy on him either. Dating a man 10 years older and not saying something. Not even to you. This could have gone so much worst"

"See?!" Marc asked, immediately jumping on it. "See?! You're against it too!" "No, I am questioning it as any normal parent should but I am not gonna disinherit him over it. Unlike-"

Julia interrupted them. "SHIT!" they faced the door as the older man entered, his face unreadable. "Alex isn't in his room. His jacket, shoes and backpack aren't there either. And I couldn't find his phone."

Essentially, he was gone. Marc understood immediately. His brother wasn't home.

"What?!" he asked, floating in disbelief. "No-" He stood up and immediately ran to the small board near the door. He took one look only to realize that all keys were there.

"He didn't took the bike." he stated. 250cc and old. It wasn't made for long distance. A part of him wished he had took it. It would have meant he was nearby. But he didn't. "He can't - I mean..."

It felt like a punsh to the gut. It made him forget their fight, the last night and everything else. He but his lips, trying to find his anger again. He wanted to stop caring. But he couldn't. He silenced his worries but being angry at someone when the person is down the hall, safe and sound in his room is something entirely different than being angry at someone who could be anywhere and nowhere. Especially when you love that someone.

He bit his lips. He refused to give in that easy. What if it was just a way from Alex to make him give in? A manipulation? Maybe Lorenzo had suggested it?

The thought of Lorenzo already knowing what happend between the brothers made him angry once more. It felt wrong. It was wrong. He had no business knowing what happend in Cevera. Alex shouldn't tell him everything.

His train of thoughts took him back to the betray and the depth of it. He suddenly realized how much a couple would share. If Alex actually believed they were in a relationship, then he would have shared his problems, fears and stories with him. So Jorge knew stories about him. Personal. Private. Childhood stories.

The idea alone made him remember his anger. He shook his head, trying to push down the worry he had for Alex. "He-" he started despite hot really believing it. The bigging feeling in his stomach said otherwise. "He's probably just on a run. I don't care."

With that he went back to his room, leaving his thoughts back in the kitchen.

He worked on some stuff, scrolled through his phone and when he realized he was subconsciously listening to the door, trying to figure out if Alex had returned, he decided to go for a run. After all, he didn't care, right?

It was in the late afternoon that he returned to the kitchen, where his mother was sitting in the kitchen, a worried expression in her face. It was a mixture of worry and anger, ready to change any second.

"And? Did he say something else about his stupidity?" Marc asked while making himself a protein shake. "No. He didn't." Roser said with anger close to the surface. "Because he - whose name is Alex as you very well know - still hasn't returned."

The words hung over the kitchen like a dark cloud. Like an accusations. Like a bad omen.

"What?" Marc asked softly, his eyes wide as he turned to her. She nodded. "Alex, your little brother, still hasn't returned. And after some calls, I found out that apparently, none of his friends have seen him. And he isn't with family. No one has seen him. He doesn't answer calls or texts..."

"He... But he's okay, right? I mean he's... He wouldn't do anything stupid?" Once more he forgot that he was actually supposed to be angry at him. "OH suddenly you care?" And there was the reminder. He nodded.

"I - I don't. I just -" "OH no. No, you don't start with this crap again. You care about Alex and you want to know that he is safe. Well, there is only one person I haven't asked yet and I am pretty sure he is the most likely to know anything" "Mmh? Who?" "Lorenzo."

Marc stared at his mother. If he hadn't abandoned the shaker in the sink, he was sure it would have fallen to the ground by now. "LORENZO?!" he repeated. "Are you fucking with me?" "No. They are in a relationship so it'd make sense, no? So give me his number so I can contact him."

"I-" Marc blinked in confusion, almost sure that he was the only sane person left in this house. "No! No the hell no!"

He looked like a rebellious child, but Roser had dealt with that enough. Very calmly and very neutral he stated "You, Marc Marquez Alenta, are going to give me Jorge's number. Right now." Unlike what Marc seemed to thing, this wasn't up for debate for her. "No. Why should I even have his number? Cause I don't!"

"I don't care if you have it or not. You are going to use your fucking MotoGP connection to get me that man's number so I can call him and ask him if at least he is looking after my baby. Do you understand? We are talking about my baby. I have every right to call him and make sure that he cares about my son! Because we definitely failed to do that. Including you. Especially you."

"Mama, he betrayed me. I am not-" he trued to reason but she wouldn't have it. "Not that again. What did he do? Fall in love? Date someone you don't like? No. No, son that is not a betray, that is Alex living his life. I made the mistake to not wrench your brain back in your head once because I was too shock and - yes I did believe it at first. But you have no real prove that Alex relationship affected you in any way. Or did Jorge give you any advantages? And you certainly didn't and you would never anyway. So tell me, what exactly did Alex do to betray you?"

He was silent after that. He had no answer. He wanted to, but he couldn't.

"I'm going to ask Dani for his number." he agreed silently. "That's what I thought"

[unfaayezzed]

: : ☁️ : : S H I F T I N G P R O G R E S S : :

N I G H T 1 : march. 27 2025.

It all started when I made a very detailed void script last night (this IS about shifting so bare with me) because who DOESN'T want to manifest their dream life overnight, TF?? Now, I have always heard of the void state for months and would think like "ohh that would be a game changer honestly" but would never actually follow through nor was I ever serious about it because I hang on to my old story, associate my past to my whole identity which has some negative labels attached to it. "Procrastinator, phone addict, low attention span, focus, willpower, self-sabotage"

It's funny because idk why I'm still hanging on to that kind of mindset when I made such good life changing progress and have manifested BIG things for myself. Like, big. C'mon girl, why stop now, right? I wanted to go to the void really badly that time but couldn't even get excited because I was like "okay.. now how do I expect myself to meditate!?" Cuz I could NOT trust myself when I thought of myself as, again, a procrastinator, phone addict, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

But then I suddenly thought "wait a minute it would be much easier and probably better if I enter the void state through a lucid dream? Or yk what.. No. LET'S REALITY SHIFT TO PANDORA BEACHES!!" And if you think to yourself "babe how do you have so much limiting beliefs on literal meditation but then you have no problem planning a 2 week vacation on fcking PANDORA like it takes a 30 minute road trip to get there" girl I don't know either (it's probably empty promises with yourself though because the more you postpone your own dreams, it does make you develop trust issues for yourself) so whoever is reading this right now.. Shifting is literally just laying down. It takes the dedication of 1 hour in bed for at least a week but you could end up entering after 30 minutes on the 3rd day.

And your limiting beliefs are more delusional than your actual delusional beliefs.

: : S H I F T A T T E M P T : : 1st try.

I made a detailed but rushed dr list and I felt really really excited that I was giggling and kicking my feet.. I knew I could trust that my subconscious mind would know exactly what I wanted but I was excessively checking for conveniences and safety protocols like "I can never run out of food" cuz there's no way I'm eating alien insects with the Na'vi y'all.. I literally AI generated a personalized luggage from chatGPT.

Anyways AND I THINK I MADE PROGRESS!! Uhm I'm not sure if these are symptoms, I played a Pandora shifting subliminal and chose to do the julia method for this (just to help me ofc, remember all methods work equally because it's just up to accessing your internal power) and I ended up not being able to finish counting to 100 or relaxing my body because it's actually my first time attempting to enter a deep meditative state or a long period focus that does NOT involve thinking BUT THAT'S OKAY THAT MEANS I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE..

SO I noticed that after counting without even reaching to 100, I kind of just blacked out like I entered void state without being conscious. If I felt like waking up, I just did.. So I know I wasn't just napping or disassociating 😭😭 which is so weird to explain.. Like wdym I always enter meditative states on accident without my consciousness seeping through..? Huh!? 🤨🤨

Anyways I remember just being in that state for a while before waking up to my body suddenly shaking? I know I wasn't physically vibrating but I had those sensations I'm not sure why 😀😀 and at first I was like "oh yay this could be a sign" until I suddenly thought "wait what if it's a dem0n humping on me 😰" and I just humoured myself to stop cuz I think I've been in the void state for what like 40 minutes? (I have definitely entered void state hundreds of times without knowing and I KNOWW how time passes so quickly there)

Yes my limiting beliefs are so questionable ik. It's just the old story y'all

I tried visualizing Pandora, being on those cocoon beds at the hometree in my position but got distracted visualizing other things for some reason BUT BUT when I got more relaxed (and probably entered void state) I could visualize more naturally and it felt like I was having a very very weak dream.

Ended up falling asleep on purpose because I felt uncomfortable with my body being too numb since I was focusing on it too much, and also felt sensations of being pulled down.. I know I was so close though so I'm def trying again tonight!!

[mythserene]

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, this is my case.

(*next day* I definitely got a little ahead of myself with that statement, but I was so happy to get through a single paragraph of a mild example without getting lost in all the other falsehoods that it made me giddy. I do feel unstuck though, and that's worth a lot.)

--

This was supposed to just be a copy of my “Delusional Lewisohn” website post but I started talking and accidentally wrote what I've been trying to say for months.

It starts as my contrasting paragraph of “designing Lewisohn”—how he normally does things—so it's a little stiff and compact, but I spread out fast and while it's probably riddled with typos, this is what he does. It's just usually worse and about more nefarious things.

“It could be they didn’t see much of each other in the summer of 1958.”

In “A BEATLE DIDN’T SAY THAT!” one of my examples was Lewisohn very designedly making it seem like Paul wasn’t around for John after Julia’s death using a combination of an altered quote from George Harrison’s mother and the contextual phrasing surrounding it. Many know of Mrs. Harrison reassuring George that she wasn’t going to die, but Lewisohn cunningly alters the rest of her words and his supporting sentences to make Paul seem unaffected and distant after John’s mother’s death, and to paint George and Paul both as relatively unconcerned, when what Louise Harrison specifically says is that she sent George around to John’s to bring him over so that he could play guitar together with Paul and George, and that “they always helped each other.” For Lewisohn to surgically alter the words that he does quote, chop off the rest, and then sew them back up with misleading insinuations to create not only a false—but opposite—impression of the boys’ closeness after John’s loss is unforgivable.

TUNE IN – Lewisohn

Asked  some years later to describe how he’d been able to help John cope with the loss of Julia, Paul could remember nothing of the period at all. It could be they didn’t see much of each other in the summer of 1958. John was working at the airport, and Paul and George went on holiday together—adventurous for boys of 16 and 17. But Louise Harrison would recall how she encouraged George to visit John at Mendips, “so he wouldn’t be alone with his thoughts.” The awful fact that both his mates had lost their mothers terrified George: the penny dropped that his might die any moment too. “He’d watch me carefully all the time. I told him not to be so silly, I wasn’t going to die.”

THE BEATLES – Davies (cited)

Mrs. Harrison, George’s mother, remembers the effect it had on John. They were still practicing a lot at George’s house, the only house where they got endless hospitality and encouragement. (…) “When John’s mother did die, he didn’t seem to go off his head, but he wouldn’t come out. I forced George to go round and see him, to make sure he still went off playing in their group and just didn’t sit and brood. They all went through a lot together, even in those early days, and they always helped each other. George was terrified that I was going to die next. He’d watch me carefully all the time. I told him not to be so silly. I wasn’t going to die.”

Lewisohn doesn’t outright say that Paul wasn’t around when Julia died, but he strongly infers it—deceptively altering and truncating a supposed-Mrs. Harrison quote—turning George's mom talking about how close the three were at that time and how they helped each other, into support for his inference that Paul barely saw John at this time. He then adds an introductory statement that makes it seem as if Paul was nowhere to be found, without actually saying that.

Yes, that's what I said. It is all lawyer-speak narration. Look at his first two sentences.

Asked some years later to describe how he’d been able to help John cope with the loss of Julia, Paul could remember nothing of the period at all. 

It could be they didn’t see much of each other in the summer of 1958.

But we know the secret. We know what Mrs. Harrison actually said. And so does Mark Lewisohn, by the way.

Now, Lewisohn tells us that someone, somewhere, "some years later" asked Paul this "question" that I literally cannot even comfortably end with a question mark:

“Paul, describe how you were able to help John cope with the loss of Julia?”

Really?

I'm not going to lie, I don't believe him, but even if we give Lewisohn the benefit of the doubt— **excuse me i can't stop laughing. one sec**

—even if we give Lewisohn the benefit of the doubt that someone, somewhere, at some unnamed time, asked Paul to describe how he was able to help John cope with the loss of Julia, just what exactly would we expect Paul McCartney's answer to that to be? Honestly, try to imagine the look on Paul's face if he was asked to describe how he helped John to cope after Julia's death.

“Paul could remember nothing of the period at all.”

Did an appellate lawyer write this? No, this is contract law genius. I can find the holes in almost any contract, and Lewisohn's own words around a misused quote are a work of legal art. He never quite says what you think he said.

But on the quotes, themselves, Lewisohn swings for the fences. He is without shame or fear. He has no qualms about putting quotation marks around any old thing he wants to say. One cannot go too many pages without finding something that shocks the conscience.

These are not “mistakes.” They are a very deliberate cutting and pasting together of historical figures' words to make them mean something different—and often opposed to—what the speaker intended. He then surrounds the misquotes with carefully worded insinuations that don't really say what you thought they did.

THE ACTUAL MRS. HARRISON “QUOTE”

Davies is very good at weaving together information-heavy exposition together with the quotes from his interviews, and since he interviewed everyone himself, he can tell us a lot in his own words.

What that does for you and me is that we get the context from the guy who asked the questions and spent time with these people, and that makes it a lot harder to get away with using these quotes out of context. Like, before we even get to the direct quote from George's mom, Davies is telling us what she remembers from the time. And it's a lot. Because that's when the boys practiced at the Harrison's almost every day. And it's awesome because her memories almost always include what the boys were eating at the time. (Seriously.) Like, she'd “given them all beans and toast” a few months before Julia died when she heard John say to Paul, “I don't know how you can sit there and act normal with your mother dead. If anything like that happened to me, I'd go off me head.”

Davies also calls Mrs. Harrison “one of nature's ravers.” 🥹

Everyone seems to agree that during this time the three were always at the Harrisons, and it's certainly the picture we get from Mrs. Harrison.

Davies is telling us all this, and leads into her direct quote by telling us what she “remembers.”

Mrs. Harrison, George’s mother, remembers the effect it had on John. They were still practicing a lot at George’s house, the only house where they got endless hospitality and encouragement.

And I trust Mrs. Harrison's memory because I am a mom, and I remember every trauma of my children's friends because I was the local Mrs. Harrison. We love those kids with all our hearts and they're so connected to our own kids that nothing happens to one without all of them feeling it. And the mom seeing it all. So how do we need Paul's answer to “Describe how you were able to help John cope with the loss of Julia?” when Mrs. Harrison has twenty stories, all with corresponding menus?

And Mrs. Harrison is saying that she sent George to get John out of his house so they could all play guitars together “in their group.” Not, George and John and no one knew where Paul was.

Where's Paul? Who could possibly know? “It could be they didn’t see much of each other”—but could it? It could be that Paul went ice skating in Sweden, EXCEPT HE FUCKING DIDN'T. Why are you lying to me in legalese in a Beatles biography?

“But Louise Harrison would recall how she encouraged George to visit John at Mendips” isn't true, but also isn't sane. If you pause and put as much thought into each sentence as was spent constructing them, you notice how many of them are patently ludicrous. Mrs. Harrison didn't encourage George to “visit” at Mendips because no child “visited” at Mendips. What are you even saying? To keep Paul and John away from each other you're talking nonsense. Visit? At Mendips? I can just picture John, Mimi and George sitting around having tea. But also, Mr. Lewisohn, those are not words that Mrs. Harrison said, and in fact, those words mean something completely different than the words she said.

What she said was she sent George over there “to make sure he still went off playing in their group and just didn’t sit and brood.”

And Nature's Raver Mom would see John not showing up like usual and would send her son out to make sure John knew he was wanted, and give him a little kick if necessary. She would want him in her house so she could feed him and make sure he was okay and to give him the comfort of playing music together with his friends.

They're the Beatles, and they got through it playing music. That's the real story, the true story, and a much better story.

And then she says “they all went through a lot together, even in those days, and they always helped each other.”

By cutting that out, leading into the quote you cut it from by speculating about where Paul was, and opining that maybe they didn't see each other much you are being purposefully deceptive and there simply is no other rational inference. None.

(I have tripled my website post now. I regret nothing.)

Let's take this baby home.

Because Mark Lewisohn completes the picture of John alone and ignored by George and Paul, and he does it by sneaking his own words into the mouth of George Harrison's dead mother.

I just want to make sure you got that. Like, let it sink in.

Mark Lewisohn changes Mrs. Harrison's actual words from “sit and brood” into “alone with his thoughts,” which further emphasizes the absolute absence of Paul and George. But he knows that John was not alone because he replaced Mrs. Harrison's words that said they were together playing music with his own words of John all alone. And then he has the nerve to even suggest that Paul and George are off together on holiday when John needs them most, while conjuring a parallel image of a traumatized John left separate and alone. (Except for his inner world.)

And I'm sorry, but I have to repeat it one more time: Lewisohn does all this by telling us that Louise Harrison said it. And although a lawyer could make a technical case that I am not being lied to here, I am.

Delusional Lewisohn is alive and well on my website. This has been Designing Lewisohn, signing off.

There's a lot, lot more and a lot, lot worse, but it's all of a piece. Not different in kind, just of degree. (But the degrees are significant.)

Tag 😏 @wingsoverlagos

[lesb0]

hi terra sorry for the weird n random question but you’re my go-to feminist scholar when i have a question 🥲

so i see people talk about transmisogyny in reference to trans women a lot, but if it’s the intersection of transphobia & misogyny wouldn’t it make more sense for it to be about trans men?? if someone’s being transphobic to a trans woman they’re treating her like a man which is not misogyny, but if someone’s being transphobic to a trans man they’re treating him like a woman which is (or at least could be) misogyny ? how do trans women experience an intersection of transphobia + misogyny but trans men don’t?

right so that term was coined by Julia Serano who is a particularly miserable kind of psuedo-intellectual theorist produced by academia. made an entire branch of "feminism" that is actually entirely self centering, prioritizing her specific experiences misidentifying as a lesbian, scapegoating trans mascs for "taking" her place in the lesbian community, and the reason she didn't just date other trans women is because she was just too disgusted by them. Excluded has a whole chapter on her utmost love and respect for men who fetishized her

The book has nothing negative about men or the patriarchy as the central causes of deadly, violent transphobia, because she's never faced it. doesnt acknowledge or support the misogynist abuses faced by trans masc people, in fact positing that they're somehow "privileged" in lesbianism. no mention that men literally murder black and brown trans women in the global south and that's the much more vulnerable group to be concerned for than those like herself. just constantly hating on lesbians and whining about not getting laid while presenting it as a broader issue to blame on lesbians when she just individually sucks and nobody wanted her.

Her "academic" writing is vindictive, overly personal, creepy, about 2 decades behind modern trans theory/feminist inquiry, and doesn't discuss the 2016 American nonbinary boom at all. Transmisogyny is a confounding theory because transphobia is misogyny and it's delusional to suggest it isn't. Real systemic barriers and oppressions faced by all trans people manifest exactly the same -- a lack of legislative autonomy rights, no worker protections, and homophobic harassment and violence. There's literally no tangible difference in how people transitioned either way (or in between) are legally and systemically oppressed and there's no practical sociological basis to lines of inquiry proposing otherwise.

Some circles still cling to the term transmisogyny because this form of exclusive and self centering trans theory works for them (white later transgender woman, privileged Americans, possibly misidentified as lesbian, moderate centric conservative dressed up as leftism, publishing useless kinkster based "theories", etc). Seranos theory has done absolutely nothing to serve the most precariously systemically disadvantaged and poorest trans people outside America in her entire career, and has denigrated trans people multiple times. Absolute garbage fake feminism. This is why she isn't invited to lecture at trans inclusive feminist institutions anymore.

The term used in updated academia and contemporary academic lgbtq circles is transphobia!

[someones-here-for-sure]

hi! what are your opinions on the td23/24 canon couples?

~Remy

THANK YOU FOR ASKING. Imma be rating this on a scale of 1-10 btw

so, I hated ripaxel at first, but then I became delusional and said that they didn’t just make out the entire time and realized that their dynamic is actually kinda nice, soooo all in all 5.7/10

Now for… priyaleb- okay, so at first I loved their dynamic, and I loved Priya, but because of how the canon treated them, I began to realize how… toxic it became? Like, in the finale Caleb is has a light panic multiple times over how Priya feels, like when he saves Julia from falling to her death, he says “Oh- Just don’t tell Priya!” He seems panicked and dare I say… scared? Idk seems unhealthy I like Caleb without Priya and I like Priya without caleb 2/10

now rajbow was technically last season but idk if your talking about s1 or 2, so I’m gonna include this one anyway. I LOVED this ship in s1 it was perfectly written and stuff, just off of s1, 10/10 but, because of how they wrote raj this season(Istg that’s not my boy) 8/10, that’s all I have to say despite this being my favorite (canon) ship.

Also, I know you probably meant just the canon ships but just for fun I’m gonna talk about my otp for this series because I love it.

MKULIA!! they are my favorite ship, they are such enemies to lovers and I love them and they’re just generally the best 10/10 would recommend (I rlly hope they become canon next season. Like AAAAAA)

[real-total-drama-takes]

“why do people ship mk and julia?? they aren’t even canon!! bowraj is clearly the superior gay ship and it’s actually real!! quit being delusional!”

~ td youtube comment

[rhiannonsknife]

I'm going crazy. Delusional. Crying. Idk if you'll know it but like, the song Big Jet Plane by Angus & Julia Stone for Lottie. Just a thought, all I picture is post crash or just loving from a distance.

"they were like January and December. So close, yet so far" like- stab my heart out.

A private and secret relationship before she disappears in the wilderness and then she comes back like a stranger.

Lottie with my heart 😭

i actually started working on a REALLY similar request from 🌿 anon a while ago!! i don’t know when it’ll be out since i’m working on the nat series right now but i will definitely post it…eventually 😭😭

[haveaclock]

(this was in my drafts, have it)

"Is the kind of person": Total Drama: Reboot edition yayyyy

I'll try to be versatile with characters but ranyebow man.. (platonic..of course)

btw..I haven't even watched the reboot (currently waiting for it to come in the u.s as of may 12th wait it's mother's day)

• Raj and Wayne are the kind of persons to be hooked on to Odetari, 6arelyhuman, Asteria, Lumi Athena , you name them (I'm still living on the 2000's cartoons.. 😞).. oh yea

creds: @goldfishontheceiling

-Raj: WAYNER!! ODETARI CAME OUT WITH A NEW SONG!!!

Wayne: DICE AND ROLL??

Raj: YEA.....

Julia: shut up

• Julia and Bowie are the kind of people to be enemies because if Fresh TV made them friends they'll be so unstoppable they'll cross dimensions maybe Amphibia's dimension

-oh and btw I'm very delusional about them

• Scary Girl is the kind of gal to not say "you'll never find the body"

it's "It's bold of you to assume that there even is a body to be found."

- aw man that's the only one I got for her

•Raj is the kind of person to be at one school since kindergarten it's one of those K-12 schools, and so he's like probably in the school band or something

-Raj is a trombone player fight me

Raj: Bowie you're holding the trombone wrong

Bowie: Sorry *adjusts*

Raj: you're holding it wrong

Bowie: sorry

Raj: try again

Bowie: ...okay

Raj: mmm try again

Bowie: Raj..

Raj: mm.. try again

Bowie: Raj I will stuff this trombone into your mouth if you ask me to try again 😃

-did anyone get the SpongeBob references..did anyone get the SpongeBob references..

• Wayne might be the kind of person Raj is in the previous one but I need to decide whether it is or it isn't

Hanukkah Dance is stuck in my head sorry

• Julia is the kind of person to believe in aura and in auras still

- I think she substitutes for the word ass because this is a kid show y'know..

- Julia: Bowie get your aura together..

Bowie: I thought you were already exposed

Julia: yea I know

Wayne and Raj are the kind of people to recognize 2018 YouTubers because when they were little tiny people they would watch "DRIVING TO [so and so] AT 3 AM"

- I bet they would have recognized Chase but they couldn't really do anything because they were on different teams belhh

Raj: bro..what if they drink the potion and then they become gay..

Wayne: crazy man..

*ding dong*

Raj: why did someone send me a package at 3 am

Wayne: what if it's a gay potion..

Raj: what 😰

Wayne: whatever you do don't drink it..

Raj: ...WAYNER..IT SMELLS LIKE CHAKOTRA..

Wayne: RAJIE NO DONT GIVE IN..

Raj: WAYNER.. IT'S CHAKOTRA..

Wayne: NO RAJ..

Raj: DAWG I'M GONNA OPEN IT

Wayne: NO-

-9 year olds..knee slappers.

-oh..and btw..I got chakotra off of google correct me if I'm wrong

•Raj is the kind of person to say "Gluteus Maximus" instead of ass Raj be normal

- Raj: Bowie did I ever tell you this one hockey team before Total Drama?

Bowie: No? But now I want to know :)

*I don't know anything hockey (YET) so pretend hes speaking okay okay*

Bowie: And you guys still won?

Raj: Yea! The Snow Owls are the best!! Go Snow Owls!!

Bowie: I wouldn't like that team if they played basketball..

Raj: yea..they were a real pain in the gluteus maximus..

Bowie: Raj what

• Priya is the kind of person to go to med school and go "yea no that term is wrong" or "y'know that's a symptom for cancer"

Raj: people who cheat are just one big pain in the gluteus maximus..

Priya: if you're saying that to substitute for ass btw your wrong

Raj: what..😦

•I feel like...I feel..I feel like Axel would be the kind of person to swear someone out in Spanish but either

1. Know perfect Spanish

2. Bring out random Spanish

Ripper is the kind of person to actually act old and ..older but was born in like 2013

-not that I'm saying he was

*1996 nostalgia*

"ah.ah..ah man! The nostalgia!!"

-okay you guys can jump on this

okay guess stay with me here..stay with me here..

Wayner..and the light skin stare..

okay I'm gone

🚪 🚶

[pawzofchaos]

Some predictions for the next 4 episodes of total drama season 2 bc they're coming out tmr

//SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2

//

-This person on YouTube (Dawnsbubble) had a pretty neat prediction abt Raj and Bowie (and Wayne) being driven apart by the cheating, and Bowie gets voted out either by blame or by sacrifice I think it's cool

-I have like ZERO idea what's going on with the Ripaxel plot or how they're going to deal with it, I just hope it isn't cringe as balls 🙏

-Axel talking to team skunk butt: "DONT VOTE OFF MY BF 😡"

-The rest of the team: "oh shit ok" *continues fighting abt the whole cheating thing*

-speaking of Ripper, now that he has his girl, can he pls be more involved with his team. My guy has no idea that his entire team has been cheating 😭 I still hope he actually acts like a better person to his teammates bc of his ongoing character arc

-MK and Julia double elimination I can smell it, they might make it to merge first tho

-Damien starts his heroic arc, maybe winning a challenge for his team and overcoming his fears to either save his teammates or win the challenge

-animal related challenge??

-episode 5 is definitely an ice related episode so more Wayne and Raj screen time!!!

-Scary Girl BETTER come back and do creepy shit 😭 somethin like feral Zeke me thinks

-I'm so delusional I want Scary and Chase to have an aftermath show 🙏 I know that isn't happening but PLEAASEEE

-MK and Julia get together for reals!! They have to be gfs jm sobbing

-kinda want a campers cooking challenge at some point

-swimsuit episode 🤞

[beevean]

Another thing to point out is that it's very likely that Lisa is Elisabetha's reincarnation.

I mean we know through Soma that that's possible, and not only do the 2 women look almost identical, have seemingly very similar personalities but also have almost the same name but look at the inspiration behind Mathias' story:

His story was certainly based on Dracula's from the 90s Coppola movie, in that version Vlad Tepes goes mad when his wife dies and decides to become a vampire to spite God. When he meets Mina Harker he realises that she's his late wife's reincarnation (and she is, it's confirmed in the movie itself) and falls in love with her. The main difference is that the Dracula in the movie tries to turn her into a vampire and manipulate her into being his forever while in Castlevania he seemed to genuinely love Lisa

And really, Dracula must've realised that it was more than a simple resemblence, if Brauner can recognise two random girls as his daughters' reincarnations and Alucard could seemingly track down Soma before AoS, then surely Dracula could've realised that he had just met his wife reborn

And at that point if she's technically the same woman that he used to love (though not completely, given that Soma surely isn't 100% like Dracula, only showing more Mathias-like traits when he saw Mina "die"), if she has a very similar personality as before and is willingly in love with you...then is it really replacing her?

I mean it's not like with Julia and Hector where we know for a fact that the former is a totally different woman

As an aside I feel like the best way to imagine what kind of person Mathias must've been before LoI is to just look at Soma

I don't have much to add lol. I haven't watched the Dracula movie but I knew that the Elisabetha plot point was inspired by it (also that has zero to do with the book but whatever).

I don't really know what to make of this reincarnation theme - yes, Soma is Dracula's reincarnation, but that's a special case. Why would Elisabetha reincarnate? Is Brauner actually right in seeing Eric's daughters as the reincarnations of his own, or is he just delusional?

As for the last part, I'm not sure how I'd describe Soma's personality other than slightly rude to people he doesn't know and bashful around Mina :P

[kflixnet]

PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV

• athena, [ soobisms ] ↳ she/her | aespa, en-, txt “ttyl! omw to kwangya w soobs!”

• ari, [ aakomii ] ↳ she/her | skz, en-, txt, atz “i can talk about beomgyu for hours.”

• elle, [ hvcmixtape ] ↳ she/they | svt “we’re at a space of infinite possibility, take my hand and let’s ride.”

• emmy, [ andkisses + blushgyu ] ↳ she/they | txt, tbz, en- “if taehyun is antartica, i'm the face of the sun.”

• felix, [ yourfatherlucifer ] ↳ he/him | atz “i have too many wips, oh no i made another one.”

• hera, [ svnoofy ] ↳ she/her | nct, svt, atz, exo, skz, txt “the universe is against me writing smaus.”

• honee, [ yeonjstxr ] ↳ she/her | txt “i think we should all tax bad things. like racism, and yeonjun’s thirst traps.”

• honour, [ drmflm​ ] ↳ they/them | cravity, en-, svt, txt “what even is a bias anymore :’).”

• irina, [ woosluv ] ↳ she/her | atz  “my delusion-ship with mingi keeps me going.”

• isabella, [ lveclouds ] ↳ she/her | bts, atz, svt “i just spend three hours staring at a blank word document, i call that progress.”

• jelli, [ awooghan ] ↳ she/her | skz “day [???] of missing han jisung.”

• jen, [ ayayiiie ] ↳ she/her | en- “writing is an art we can feel without the need of speaking.”

• jey, [ jeysamores ] ↳ she/her | en- “all of nct dream noticed me at their concert because i was the loudest person there. mark complimented how loud my scream was and they all pointed me out (we're married btw).”

• jia, [ ilynaevis ] ↳ any pronouns | aespa, en-, nct, skz “part time cereal fan full-time chenle appreciator.”

• lav, [ tinysushimark ] ↳ she/her | nct, skz “24 to 25 babe... just stay with me.”

• leo, [ seung-scrittore ] ↳ any pronouns | skz, trsr, txt, tbz, nct dream, en-, dkb, the rose, atz, mx, eric nam, jackson wang, eaj, jessi, dpr, kai, amber liu, hyuna & dawn, demian “unironically cries over hwang hyunjin on a daily basis <3.”

• mae/julia, [ sureogi ] ↳ she/her | cravity, tbz, stayc, txt “loving ham wonjin 25/8.”

• mai, [ maiverie ] ↳ she/her | en- “who needs birth control when u have ur face.”

• mallow, [ miyseung ] “I don’t search for eternal truth, I search for motivation.” ↳ she/her | (g)i-dle, skz, en-, ive

• mango, [ mangocustard16 ] “hoshi is mine *fight me*” ↳ she/her | en-, svt, txt

• mari, [ ynsvnte ] “crocheting gets me tired, but sunghoon doesn’t for sure. ” ↳ she/her | en-

• maria, [ bambisgirl ] ↳ she/her | en- “i have two addictions, caffeine and lee heeseung.”

• michi, [ cybrsan ] ↳ she/her | atz “99% of my process is thinking about my wips, the other 1% is actually writing them.”

• miso, [ misojunnie ] ↳ she/her | en-, txt, nct, svt, bts “𝐞𝐧- ♡ #jxnglvr cherrywonie !! 明华 ming hua, she/they, writer, engene.”

• mirai, [ nyanggk ] ↳ she/her | en-, txt “people say nothing is impossible, but i do nothing everyday (definitely did not just took that off of google bcs i have no originality).”

• mofy, [ bless-311​ ] ↳ they/them | tbz “mofy duck enthusiast!”

• moni, [ zzoguri​ ] ↳ they/them | tbz “i rest easy knowing kim sunwoo is more delusional than i could ever be 🙏🏼.”

• monica, [ softsan ] ↳ she/her; atz, bts, txt, nct, en-, skz “i don't meow for men, i meow for poetry; we are not the same.”

• moon, [ beautifulchris​ + fylithia ] ↳ she/them | skz, txt “be a little more you and a lot less them.”

• moon, [ meiideryz ] ↳ she/her | nct (all) “wayv comeback season is near! (in my imagination).”

• morgan, [ heonijs ] ↳ she/her | en-, tempest, txt “storm in her eyes, peace in her smile.”

• nat, [ nateezfics ] ↳ she/her | atz “no thoughts, head empty. just existing.″

• niwa, [ haechanhues ] ↳ she/her | atz, en-, nct, skz, svt, tbz, trsr, txt, victon “love that for me.”

• nix, [ njmverse ] ↳ she/they | nct “rip my wips i never finished.”

• noa, [ hqrana ] ↳ she/her | skz, svt, cravity, en- “when life gets you down... raaaaaah 🦅❗️.”

• noelle, [ icyminghao​ ] ↳ she/her | svt, boynextdoor “if you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. all the stars are a-bloom with flowers.”

• nynx, [ meowrinz ] ↳ she/mew | nct, le sserafim, en-, nmixx “happy lesbian visibility year.”

• pearl, [ milkyruins + euphoriaatrash ] ↳ she/her | en-, skz, svt “delivering love one draft at a time <3”

• rania, [ wheeboo ] ↳ she/they | svt “imma just “hehe” my way through life.″

• red, [ shining-red-diamond ] ↳ she/her | astro, atz, block b, bts, day6, exo, ghost9, got7, mx, nct (all), nex7/9%, oneus, pentagon, romeo, svt, shinee, skz, tbz, txt, vixx, wei, xeno-t, z-boys “oh, where is my hairbrush?”

• ren, [ mygnolia ] ↳ any pronouns | bts, en-, skz, txt “student by day sunghoon simp by night.”

• ria, [ monatice ] ↳ she/her | mx, victon, atz, svt, astro, en-, kingdom, tbz, skz, txt, bae173, gncd, omega x, cravity “you can make anything by writing.”

• riel, [ linonyang ] ↳ she/they | skz “dubidubidapdap, dubidubidipdip.”

• rin, [ svhnflwr + milktyama ] ↳ she/they | atz, nct, tbz, en- “you cracked my cookie d:”

• rose, [ yangsrose ] ↳ she/her | nct, atz, txt  “your efforts will never betray you. all your efforts will pay off.”

• sage, [ seo--changbin + seoberrybins ] ↳ she/her | skz "editing your drafts include just staring at them for a while before closing them again and calling it a day."

• salty, [ sxcret-garden + starry-nights-garden ] ↳ she/her | atz, got7, nct (all), oneus, p1h, txt “too many fic ideas, not enough brain juice.”

• saph, [ zeawoo​ ] ↳ she/they | en-, trsr, txt, nct dream “madame, monsieur jourdain is very knowledgeable.”

• sara, [ wongyuuu ] ↳ she/her | svt “i have 100 ideas but only ever write one of them.”

• saya, [ lluringli ] ↳ she/her | en- “love is a timeless melody that echoes in souls and resonates through the corridors of eternity.”

• savannah, [ ox1-lovesick ] ↳ any pronouns | txt “it’s so sweet, but i should find my name.”

• sei, [ seungstarss ] ↳ she/her | en- “🗑← home sweet home.”

• sharmi, [ day6andetcetera ] ↳ she/her | day6, txt, skz, bts, itzy, got7 “ur mom.”

• sia, [ wonieleles ] ↳ she/her | en-, bts “writing to procrastinate is my favorite activity.”

• sierra, [ silvermistcosmos ] ↳ she/her | en-, nct dream “student by day, writer by night.” 

• skar, [ reverbtunes ] ↳ she/her | skz, txt “je mange le croissant.”

• skits, [ hotteoki​ ] ↳ she/her | atz, skz, txt, en- “beomgyu.”

• sky(ven), [ lheewonz ] ↳ any pronouns | en-, txt “i have a terrible case of 'i start everything i write with dialogue'-itis and writing my story backwards.”

• smiles, [ boba-beom ] ↳ she/her | txt, en- “good things take time :)”

• smt, [ songmingisthighs + smt-here ] “i'm not a writer, i just have mental illness and too much to say.” ↳ she/her | atz

• sof, [ txt-yaomi ] “tomorrow x todoro.” ↳ she/her | txt

• sol, [ myjisung ] “i'll try over and over again if i must.” ↳ they/she | skz

• solar, [ hyunestrella​ ] “um...slay?″ ↳ she/they | skz

• star, [ like-a-diamondinthesky ] “if i spent as much time on academics as i did on tumbr, i'd be the top student. yet, here we are...” ↳ they/them; skz

• sue, [ soobnny ] “whoever prayed for my downfall, you won.” ↳ she/her | en-, txt

• sumi, [ 02chois ] “lower your expectation so you’ll always reach them.″ ↳ she/they | txt

• sun, [ halaboyz ] “the f in sun stands for funny.” ↳ she/her | atz, en-, tbz

• sunny, [ daegall + niskoo + namistangerinee ] “eugene belcher kin.” ↳ she/her | nct, en-

• ti, [ sulfurcosmos ] “you ever wonder if julius caesar would enjoy a good caesar salad? maybe he should take a stab at it.” ↳ she/her | skz, nct dream

• tia, [ fae-renjun + https-dandelion ] “head empty, only huang renjun.” ↳ she/they | nct, tbz

• val(erie), [ kyrjnie ] “delulu is the solulu.” ↳ she/her | en-, skz, txt

• vee, [ skazoo ] “writer (derogatory)” ↳ she/her | bts, skz, en-, atz

• via, [ hyungjunnie ] “studying law in the day but also daydreaming about leehan, maybe that’s why im failing…” ↳ she/her | bnd, riize, svt, xdh, zb1

• whitney, [ mikrokcsmos ] “more than a memory, less than reality.” ↳ they/them | bts

• xia, [ carpexiem ] “mentally deranged, but beautifully wine aged.” ↳ they/them | en-, txt, p1h

• xin, [ prettywon ] “chamber 5? more like chamber of deez nuts.” ↳ they/them | en-, txt

• yena, [ in2fly ] “decisions? never heard of her.” ↳ she/her | &team, en-

• yomi, [ yeokii ] “i’m in a romantic relationship with myself in my head.” ↳ she/her | txt, en-, zb1

• ynn, [ rsmura ] “writing fics over essays? yes.” ↳ she/her; en-

• ysa, [ neoaevis ] “ooooooopss i did it again, i guess?” ↳ she/her | nct

• yumi, [ cupidjyu ] “hyunjae is the love of my life !!!” ↳ any pronouns | tbz

• yun, [ amakumos ] “i don’t care if i’m failing math. where’s jungwon?” ↳ she/her | en-

• zainab, [ missmadwoman ] “f*** the patriarchy keychain on the ground <3.” ↳ she/her | en-

• zanna, [ slytherinshua ] “ppl are talking abt the law💀 but what abt eunwoo i have my priorities okay.” ↳ she/her | txt, svt, bnd, &team, skz, en-, bts, lucy, verivery, victon, astro, onf, sf9, tbz, tws, park jihoon, hwang minhyun, kim woojin

• zoe, [ badwithten ] “there’s already two zoes in this network, multiverse of zoes.” ↳ she/her | skz

[skzhocomments]

I can read your smile - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 12 - A heartbreaking past

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 11 | Chapter 13

---

Chapter 12 - A heartbreaking past

word count: 2k words

~Crystal's POV~

Well, that went well. I grimaced taking back the two plates to the kitchen.

My other co-worker came to me and laughed. I bet he could barely wait to make fun of me.

"So, did the guy you like who came with another girl reject your free dessert?" He mocked.

"Guy I like? Where did that come from?" I asked with venom in my voice.

"Come on, Crystal, it's obvious."

"How is that obvious?"

"The way you look at him." He shrugged.

"And what is that way?"

"Come on, it's so obvious you're in love with the guy, it's painful at this point. You've been looking at their table the whole time, and it's like there's hearts in your eyes when you watch him. Not that hard to notice."

"We are just friends."

"Crystal, people don't look at friends the way you look at him. Be honest with yourself."

"You might just be really delusional." I started. "I don't have feelings for him. And he has a girlfriend."

"I think you're the delusional one, bestie." He shrugged and left, and I took a spoonful of the cake and ate it spitefully. It tasted good, at least, even if the taste in my mouth was bitter.

Fuck Julia.

Seeing her brought back all the negative feelings from my past, and I started feeling really shitty.

I couldn't wait for my shift to be over, but I had two more hours to go.

Oh, and I still have to take the check back to their table and see that bitch again.

~

My feet were killing me and I was unusually tired by the end of my shift.

I quickly grabbed my jacket – it tended to get cold during September nights – and I made my way out of the restaurant.

"Crystal?" A familiar voice spoke, and I turned my head in its direction.

"Minho? What are you doing here?"

"I came to pick you up..."

"Why? What happened to your date?" I raised a brow.

"About that... I'm so sorry, Crystal. I was wrong about her..."

"You don't have to apologise to me."

"I do... I had no idea you two shared a past together..."

"What, did she actually tell you anything?" I chuckled bitterly.

I really hated remembering that time of my life.

"Let's go home and talk. What do you say?"

I nodded and we started walking home together in silence, breathing in the night air.

At one point, a cold wind brushed past us, and I started to shiver. Minho then took his coat off and put it on my shoulders, and I thanked him, and I tried not to think about him, or Julia.

At least not until we got home.

~

"Okay. What did she tell you?" I smiled as we sat down on the sofa in the living room, Minho bringing me a hot cup of tea.

"Just that her family fostered you for a while, but you weren't a great fit..." he hesitated, and I let out a big sigh.

"Yea. I guess that's the gist of it. I was a spoiled child who didn't fit in, so they sent me back." I laughed.

"But what's the truth?" Minho spoke softly and touched my hand with his, and I let him hold it. It was warm.

"Do you really want to know?" I looked into his eyes, and he nodded. "We're going to be here for hours."

"That's fine. We'll sleep in tomorrow." He smiled kindly, and I brushed away two stray tears that made their way on my cheeks.

"Okay. I've never told anyone this story before, so... it might be a bit hard... to tell it."

"It's okay." His thumb rubbed circles on my knuckles in a comforting way.

---

~Flashback~

~12 years ago~

"She's such a smart little girl!" Mrs. Lewis said and touched the back of my head.

I never liked Mrs. Lewis. She was always kind when people were around, but as soon as they left, she would grab the Discipline Stick and hit my palms hard, and sometimes the soles of my feet, until they bled. I could never run during Sports the next day, and the teacher would get really angry and scream at me, and the sports teacher was old, and scary. I didn't like him either.

"Oh, is that so? We see she has perfect marks in maths-" The woman spoke, but was soon interrupted by the man next to her that was holding her hand.

"And she's already learning an advanced curriculum, even if she's only 9?!"

"Indeed, she's a really sharp-witted child." Mrs. Lewis complimented me.

"Oh, isn't that perfect, dear?" The woman teared up, and the man just nodded eagerly.

"She would get along with our little princess so well!"

"It would be a good environment to grow up in." Mrs. Lewis approved, and they signed some papers, and the next thing I knew, I was in the back of their car heading somewhere far away.

~

I now have to refer to Mr. and Mrs. Lee as 'dad' and 'mom', and they told me on the way 'home' that I now have a sister called Julia, and that I have to love her, and play with her whenever she wants, and also teach her things, because she is not as academically gifted, whatever that means.

Julia is cute, and she has blond curls that are hanging proudly over her shoulders. They are so different from my straight, black hair. She would always say 'I am beautiful, and you're not, but that's okay, because we are sisters.' and then we'd play until dawn.

I love Julia.

And she loves me too.

And I love playing with someone my age.

Kids at the orphanage are either older or younger than me, but me and Julia are both 9, and we play with her dolls. She has so many! I've never seen so many in my life!

If I'm nice to her, she lets me play.

Mom and Dad love me too. They feed me every day, and they are happy if I get a good grade.

I have a nice family, and I am happy.

~

~11 years ago~

"What do you mean, she stole your puppet?" Mom is frowning.

"I haven't stolen anything!" I defend myself. "I don't even like that puppet!"

"Shut your mouth, Christine. Don't interrupt us when we speak!" Dad is screaming at me. But why? I haven't stolen anything.

"My name is Crystal, not Christine." I mutter under my breath. I hate it when they call me Christine. They say Crystal is a bad name. 'It's the name of a whore', they say, and we'll change it if they adopt me.

If.

"No, it's not!" Mom slaps me, and my cheek hurts and gets red immediately.

Julia is crying, still claiming that I stole her puppet.

I didn't, but they don't want to believe me.

~

~10 years ago~

"You're old enough now, why aren't you more responsible?!" Dad shouts. I don't understand why he's so upset. I got 90%. It's a good grade.

"Look, Daddy! I got full marks!" Julia smiles happily.

"Just as expected from my princess! See, Christine? You could've done better. We used to think you're smarter than this."

"But I did her project too." I frown. "She got full marks off my work."

"What did you just say?" Dad gets up from the table.

Oh-oh. That's bad.

I start running away, realising too late that he is in a bad mood today. He catches me by the hair, and I scream, so he grabs my mouth and squeezes hard.

I shut up.

"Julia, darling, will you bring daddy the wooden paddle?"

"NO!" I start crying this time. I know what that means.

Julia smirks at me.

She is happy.

She loves seeing me get hurt. Says she hates me getting attention.

That's why she hid the puppet in my room one year ago, when Mom stopped loving me and hit me for the first time.

She brings the paddle, and Dad bends me over the table and hits me as hard as he can.

I wince in pain, and I scream, and cry, and cry, and cry, but he doesn't care. He hits me again.

And again.

And again.

It hurts walking afterwards, and I can no longer sit down, or lay on the bed on my back. I have to lay on my tummy instead.

When I look in the mirror the next morning, there are big bruises on my butt, and I know it's going to take a while for them to go away.

It's still sore, but I can at least sit down in school now.

I don't tell anyone, but I cry myself to sleep for two weeks afterwards, until the bruises fade away.

Mom checks them.

Once they're gone, Julia does something, or says something, and Dad gets angry again, and he hits me with the paddle or with the bath brush.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts.

~

~9 years ago~

"We are sorry to hear this one's been giving you trouble." Mrs. Lewis says and smacks the back of my head.

I no longer cry when being hit, and I don't move away.

I know better now.

"She is a monster!" Mom – no, Mrs. Lee says.

"She is a compulsive liar, a troublemaker, and she doesn't fit in with our perfect family!" Mr. Lee shouts. "We can't believe you raised such a horrible child!"

"Apologies, Mr. Lee. We promise you we're going to take care of her bad behaviour."

She sends me to the "Discipline room" - a fancy word for the cellar, and I am only given water and bread until I 'learn my lesson'.

But what is there to learn?

They let me out after two weeks, and Mrs. Lewis tells me I'm 'damaged goods' now. No one is going to want to adopt me with my record. I am just wasting the orphanage's money. I won't accomplish anything with my life.

I'm going to live under that roof until I'm 18, then I'm going to leave and never see them again.

That sounds good.

I don't want Mrs. Lewis to be right about me, so I will only focus on studying, and I will go to university and get a good job.

Yes, it sounds like a good plan.

I will endure the beatings, the hunger pangs and Mrs. Lewis' mean remarks, and I will study, and study, and study, until I move away.

~

~End of flashback~

---

"Crystal... I'm so sorry... I don't even know what to say..." Minho teared up and hugged me tightly.

"You wanted to know..." I spoke, crying as well.

"I did. I'm so glad you trusted me enough to tell me..."

"I just... it was so hard to understand why they did that... It felt like there was a huge gaping hole in my soul that was bleeding out sorrow and hurt, and I just couldn't comprehend what I did that was so bad."

"You didn't do anything. You were just a kid."

"I'm so sorry, Minho. You were so excited about Julia..."

"Who cares about her? Don't even think about her anymore, ever. She or her piece of shit family don't deserve to be even a passing thought in your mind." He caressed the back of my hair and held me tight.

I closed my eyes.

He smelled comforting. I haven't even opened his room while he was gone, not wanting to invade his privacy, and it felt so horrible to have his smell disappear from this house and be replaced with mine.

I missed his smell.

I missed him.

"I'm glad you're back." I whispered and hugged him tighter.

"Me too. I missed talking to you."

He let go and we looked at each other for a while, and it was the sea incident all over again, so instead of being foolish like last time and trying to kiss him, I averted my eyes first, not daring to cross yet another boundary and go through another rejection.

We were simply friends, and that was fine.

He heard me out.

It was the first time I ever told someone my story, and what abuse I've been through, and he paid attention, and held my hand, and hugged me tightly and cried with me.

That was good enough. I am content that this was the only type of relationship we were ever going to have.

That was okay.

"It's already 3 AM." I chuckled, wiping away the remaining tears that were still streaming down my face.

"Time goes by quickly in good company." Minho smiled, and I just nodded.

"Let's go to sleep." I stood up and stretched my arms with a yawn. Crying was tiring.

---

Chapter 11 | Chapter 13

[idle-soliloquy]

the lyrics "I kiss you on your neck / You were staring at the ceiling / I should've known right then and there you were a runaway" are very cheating microfic jegulus

and this part too actually, "These bad omens, I look right through them / That's what you do when you love somebody"

Fits perfectly... Thank you for sharing, just listened to it twice. I'm also partial to What a Time by Julia Michaels for this fic. That one is more of a "James' delusional perspective is making him romanticise and forget, to eventually bounce back to Regulus cause he just loves to suffer."

I have a new chapter in the works, it's almost ready. Btw, it's also on ao3, if you prefer to read there.