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#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at
silusvesuius
Β·
3 days
Text
this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff ππ
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off meπ
#text
#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -
#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately
#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at
#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw
#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)
#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -
#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu
#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -
#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for PencilβοΈ and for me? for silusvesuius? π ππππ πππππππ πππ
#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -
#- rly like ππ' bruh gtfo my face with that.
#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress
#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself
#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)
#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on
#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now
#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -
#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work
#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it
#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense
#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill
#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.
#it just turns me into a very competitive person
#who am i competing with? Myself
#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode
#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists
#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist
#like me .......(?)
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