#actually after he gained the 20 pounds and still had the long hair and weird motorcycle mustache was kind of some weird peak for him to me

[stylecouncil]

nick does kind of look like 10 years younger recently. and all he had to do was gain like 20 pound. it makes the mustache look more funny though, it kind of made more sense when he looked like a dying vietnam vet.

[simpcxty]

TW: mentions of marijuana and alcohol use, smut, characters aged up to 21! Mentions of using drugs at 20, sexual assault? pda, public teasing, public nudity? Public sex

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD

READ RESPONSIBLY

Part 1

The first time you see each other, he has a tall man in a dark suit standing next to him, and your dad is pulling you away quickly.

“Y/n, come on. We have to go.” You couldn’t help but look behind you at the boy with raggedy hair and scars littering his face.

There was something perplexing about him, but as you got farther and looked up at your dad.

The scared look had you confused.

What was he so scared of?

There’s another time two years later, you’re twelve now, and you’re with your mom. She panicked just as much when she saw the man in the dark suit, I was more hung up on the boy next to him again, he was slouching with his hands shoved in his black jeans.

His hair still looked tangled but it looks cleaner. But as your mom yanks you away, you’re pulled away again huffing as the boy looked over at you when you finally look away.

He’d wanted to see your face before you left, he was sure it was you. But you had stared at him, he couldn’t be weird and make eye contact, could he?

The next time was three years later, you had dyed your hair green and teal, but it was fading, and starting to grow out. The pale pastel of what Tomura was sure was once a vibrant color remained, and he liked it so much, he couldn’t help but stare.

His gaze didn’t break when your eyes locked. You didn’t have a parent with you this time, but All For One stood tall next to him, and he didn’t know if he was allowed to go say hi.

He was terrified as he tapped the man and he looked up from his phone to acknowledge the boy.

“I want to go talk to that girl.” The man smirked and Tomura really didn’t know how to feel.

“Then go ahead.” Now he just had to gain the confidence. You were looking down at your phone now, and his heart pounded in his chest while he walked up to you.

“I’m Y/n.” You don’t even look up from your phone as his feet stop in your peripheral.

“Shigaraki.” He remembers what All For One told him.

You finally looked up from your phone and as much as he was already positive it was you, a breath of relief escapes him when he realizes it’s really you.

“W-Wait- No, your name isn’t Shigaraki, it’s Tenko. You used to live across from me!” It’s then that he feels a hand on his shoulder, and he’s relieved.

“Time to go Tomura.” The girl is confused as they walk away. This time the boy being pulled away by his wrist instead of her.

Then of course the next time is three years later again, you’re eighteen now, and you look even more different than last time.

You had two nose piercings, a septum and a hoop on your left side, you also had the right side of your bottom lip pierced as well as your right eyebrow.

Your ears were gauged too, but not too big, if Tomura had to guess (he had considered gauging his own ears.) it was a good 1/2 inch.

You had black tunnels in and your cartilage had an industrial, and a helix along with a forward helix. You were wearing a tight cropped tanktop that showed off your belly button piercing and Tomura had to force his eyes to look away before he started drooling. You hair was dyed again, but a dark royal blue this time.

Neither of you had adults with you this time, and his breath almost catches in his throat when he can see your head lift from your phone out of his peripheral.

The thoughts running through his mind right now we’re nothing but sinful, and the idea of even having these thoughts is so new to him.

He manages to look toward you again, only to see you look over at him at the same time, you flashed him a smile, then turned your attention to your group of friends approaching you.

Now annoyed that he even has to go in that direction, what the hell is he supposed to do? Act like he doesn’t know you?

But he doesn’t know you.

As he passes by you and your group of friends, he’s almost shocked when you look up from whatever your friend group was talking about to look at him.

She almost does a victory fist bump as he walks down the busy street toward an empty alley she always crosses through to get home.

Once he’s about to turn the corner, he doesn’t know why he feels so drained. It’s not like he would’ve been able to talk to you anyway.

You’re making some half assed excuse saying you forgot something at home, your friends offered to go with you but you said you’d be quick.

You’re running down the street and turning the corner a good two minutes after he did.

He could’ve been long gone already, so why was your heart beating so fast?

You were just curious right? What happened to Tenko Shimura? If he didn’t want you to call him that you wouldn’t.

But as you turn the corner and see him, you’re not quite sure what else to shout.

“So you are Tenko right?” You’re catching your breath with your hands on your thighs and he turns around.

He’s not quite sure what to say.

“I was. I don’t remember much about any of it. I go by Tomura now.”

“Okay. I uh-“

“I’ve seen you, a few times over the years. You’ve changed a lot Y/n.” She smiles and nods.

“Being the child of two pro heroes sucks to be quite honest. At least I have my little brother though. I think I’d go crazy without him.” He chuckles and it’s then that you notice how much his scars have worsened.

“Damn Tomura, still scratch yourself?” The name felt weird rolling off your tongue. Almost unnatural, and he grimaced when you said it.

“Yeah, why the hell not? I’m already ugly.” He snaps a bit and he’s shocked when you don’t flinch or move away.

“Do you have a quirk..?” He didn’t know what inspired him to ask the stupid question.

But when you nodded the words were already spilling out of his mouth.

“What is it?” You blushed and continued to walk past him as you answered.

“Electricity.” You answered simply. But he’s intrigued.

“What kind-“ you’re cutting him off before he can finish.

“I can show you if you follow me.” His heart clenched.

Going back, there..?

He’d be not even 100 feet away from his old family home.

Could he handle that?

“I heard about what happened ya know-“ his blood runs cold.

What?

“The Shimura Family just, disappeared? No way, I figured maybe you guys just, left? I don’t know. But then I saw you with the man in the suit a few years later, my first thought was I was just glad you were okay! I even wanted to shout your name, but my dad pulled me away. That was when I realized that the man next to you wasn’t your dad, and you just, you looked so sad. I didn’t think that you’d want to talk to me, or remember me. After all we only played together a few times when we were kids.” And now he can breathe again.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened. Just know that I’m glad that you’re okay Tomura Shigaraki.” You continued on walking, leaving him there in shock. When you got home, you told your friends something came up at home and you couldn’t hangout anymore.

They were upset, but they understood overall. They had the same issues, they were mainly just worried.

Two years later, and Tomura Shigaraki has made a name for himself.

A villain. A monster. A freak?

Y/n didn’t like those terms.

She had a certain preference for maybe lost? No maybe that’s not right either. She honestly didn’t know what to say about him.

But she didn’t like what the media and the people around her said.

No. Not one bit.

But your breath still catches in your throat as you see him standing in the very alleyway you walked away from him in years ago.

But he’s looking directly at you, and the way his red eyes pierce your soul with the eye contact has your breath quickening a bit.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of me now.” His voice was raspier now compared to before.

“I didn’t know who you were, nor do I know you either.” He frowns at that and suddenly you’re up against the alley wall with his hand around your throat except for his middle finger.

“But you do know me, and here I thought we were friends.” The whimper that comes out of you has him chuckling.

“Tell me Y/n Kaminari. How’s your little brother Denki?” You start to thrash more at that and he’s rolling his eyes.

“Relax, are you really dumb enough to think I’d actually let harm come to you or your family? You’re dumber than I thought.” He laughs and the tears welling up in your eyes suddenly flash a bright green. As well as do your eyes and you grab his other wrist and the one on your neck.

“Get your disgusting hands off this body.” You sounded God like, almost like a deity? But he was stupid enough to keep his hands on you.

When you chuckled and smiled at him, he couldn’t help but want to see what you were gonna do next.

“I warned you.” The hands you had gripped on him surge and send electricity though his body, enough to warn him to back, the fuck, up.

“Do not touch me Tomura Shigaraki, not with those impure hands.” Your eyes were still glowing and your voice was beautiful to listen to, but the more he did, the more he only felt judged?

What is your damn quirk anyway?

“Y/n!” Your head whips over and Denki comes running.

Suddenly, your eyes are back to your normal color, and you’re running past Tomura on the ground.

“DENKI NO! Go back home now!” You’re running his way and grabbing his wrist, yanking him down the dark alley and towards your family home.

It’s like he’s seeking you out now, because the next time he sees you. It’s only a week later, and he has his hand around your throat again and he’s pinned you against the alley wall again.

“Did you not hear a word my God said?” His eyebrows furrowed at that and he uses his other hand to pin your wrists up above you. Still lifting one finger when he does it.

What’s up with that?

“What God?”

“My quirk is Zeus, I can use lighting however I please whenever and however I want. But if Zeus thinks that I’m in danger, he pops into my body to come and say fuck off.” He laughs at that.

“I can’t help it. You’re hot.” He says it so nonchalantly and places a quick kiss to your jaw then pulls away.

“But I’ll listen to Zeus.” He moves your hands from above your head and leaves a short kiss to your palm before dropping them.

“For now.” You tried to keep from blushing but he smiled when he saw it and walked toward the corner.

“See you soon Y/n.”

The next time you see him. You’re in trouble. Well, you’re a bit inebriated.

It’s your birthday and you and your friends went out to have fun, thinking about the situation you’re in, and how you got into it.

You need new friends.

“You’re a pretty one huh?” You can’t even respond as the man approaches you in your normal alley.

You were so close to home. So, so close.

Why did you have to get so severely inebriated? Zeus warned you that it could fuck up whether or not he could come out but you didn’t listen.

But as you feel grimy hands slide up your thighs you’re finally gaining some consciousness and attempting to push and shove him off.

“C’mon man get off of me!” Your words were slurred and your kicks became rough. Then, your quirk is suddenly surging out of you uncontrollably and the guy is on the floor.

“Thank god.” Your mindset changed quickly when you realized he wasn’t making noise. Or breathing.

“Oh no.”

“Yeah, you just did that Y/n.” You’re freezing up in fear at the voice and wrapping your arms around yourself quickly.

“N-no! H-H-“ Your voice is trembling and Tomura’s smile quickly faded into a muted concerned expression.

“He what? Spit it out.” He had only stumbled upon you electrocuting the guy. He didn’t know what else happened.

But this trembling form isn’t you, and you reek of alcohol and weed, he knows. He’s around it all the time.

He knows you can handle your weed, he always smells a bit on you.

But the alcohol was bad.

This picture isn’t too hard to paint.

“H-He wouldn’t get off!” and that’s when his eyes widen.

Tomura sees red, and suddenly he’s placing a full hand over the already dead mans face.

You almost look mesmerized as the body disintegrated into dust.

“Let’s get you home.” You nodded and you stepped on a part of the pile of ashes to stand up.

Tomura almost grinned but now wasn’t the time for that. He didn’t really think you’d want to think about that.

Your legs seemed to be debating whether or not they wanted to stabilize.

You automatically tensed the moment you felt arms under yours until you smelled Tomura.

He always smelled like weed and coffee, and always had dust residue somewhere on him. You always thought it might be from where he stayed at, but now you knew the truth.

He internally freaked out as you wrap your arms around his neck when he helped lift you.

“Thank you Shiggy.” You sounded so tired. So when you went to pull away he pulled you back in and had you wrap your legs around his waist. Partially because it was easier and faster to get you home, and partially so you couldn’t see the blush littering his face.

Your dress wouldn’t stay down so he put an arm under your thighs and one around your waist as he carried you.

“Why are you out here at this time of night?” He tried not to shove the lower part of his face in your shoulder. He really did.

But he did anyway. In turn you tightened your grip around him and nuzzle you’re face into his neck while he walks. He’s nearing the end of the alley and he’s considering wrapping his hoodie around your waist really quickly.

“S’My twenty first birthday!” He chuckles.

“Why are you alone then?” He tightens his grip around you and he wants to cry from how good the contact feels against his skin.

How good you feel against his skin.

“My friends left me and went somewhere else.” He sighs.

“Those aren’t very good friends hun.” You whined as he sets you down right at the end of the alley and pulls off his hoodie to wrap around your waist.

When he picks you back up you nuzzle back into him and you’re hugging around his waist this time.

He has to keep an arm around the bottom of your thighs and around your waist again and the positioning is unique but he’s doing his best.

“This is gonna he awkward isn’t it..? Are your parents home hun?” You shook your head quickly and giggled.

“Nope. Just Denki!” You tightened your grip around him and your legs shift a bit.

No. No. No. No. No. Not. The. Time.

When he knocks and hears footsteps thumping down the stairs quickly he snickers.

But as the door opens and Denki sees him with his sister in the arms of a supervillain. He’s in a state of PANIC.

“Before you freak out Denki! This is my best friend Tomura! He’s great!” You tightened your grip around him again and he blushes. Best friend?

Denki doesn’t even know where to start. But while gritting his teeth he speaks.

“Explain.” Y/n tries not to think about it and just nuzzles her face deeper into Tomuras small but wide chest.

“Wanna go to bed.” He keeps his eyes on Tomura and his eyes almost bulge out of his head when he actually notices how cozied up are with him.

Is that- is that his fucking hoodie around your waist?

Mom and Dad are always talking about never being able to find this man 24 fucking 7 and here you are cuddled up next to him like he’s not a mass murderer.

“I found her passed out in the alley, we’ve known each other for a long time and I just wanted to make sure she got home safe.” Denki clenches his fists.

“Why didn’t you just kill her like you have with other people?” Tomura had started turning to go up the stairs.

But as the words come out of Denki’s mouth, Tomura gives him a glare that could make anyone’s soul shiver.

“I would never hurt a member of this family, nor will I ever let any of my forces hurt them.” You giggled.

“You just got shut DOWN Denki! Leave Shiggy alone. He brought me home didn’t he?”

Denki nods and you smiled.

You don’t see him for a good two months after that.

You didn’t feel bad for what he saw, he chose to experience it. He chose to help you.

At least that’s what you tried to tell yourself when you remember the blurry memories of his hand on your thighs or around your waist always keeping one finger off.

Stop it. That’s weird Y/n.

But imagine how it’d feel to have him just squeeze and squish your thighs?

Would you stop it brain?

These are the thoughts you just have to have as you head toward your favorite sweets shop. You had just left the house and as soon as you rounded the corner into the alley you saw Tomura standing there.

You didn’t necessarily know what to say.

You just kinda kept walking until you got to him

He stood there and you were able to take in some details. Did he start using stuff on his face?

Or did he just stop scratching?

His lips were definitely different. There was no mistaking that. They were less chapped.

You didn’t care to take many more details when you wrapped your arms around his frame.

He stiffens at first, but now it’s his turn to be the one that melts into your embrace.

His arms wrap around you and push you towards the alley wall. Once he gets you there he lifts you up under your thighs and interlocks his hands together while holding you there.

This was a very common reoccurrence. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t like it.

Because you so very did.

“I missed you.” The words shock you as they come out of his mouth and he kisses your jaw.

You couldn’t help the ragged breath that came out of you.

He presses his hips into yours experimentally and sucks lightly on your neck, not enough to leave a mark but enough to catch you off guard.

You gasped and your fingers are gripping his red hoodie.

Oh, you’re currently wearing the one he gave you.

How embarrassing.

“You look so good in my hoodie. Looks perfect on you.” Not embarrassing. Not embarrassing at all nevermind.

The sucking on your neck gets rougher when you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer.

It’s his turn to gasp and his hips grind into yours in response.

You whined and it just confirmed for him what he already knew. He wants to do it again so fucking badly.

Your black and dark grey pleated skirt was so easy to manipulate and everytime he ground his hips into yours your legs tightened around him making it even better.

“I don’t want to fuck you in an alley but if you keep tightening your legs around me like that and making those pretty noises I might just say fuck it.” Your legs tightened around him again as he said it and he groans at the tightness in his jeans.

“Is that what you want?” You can’t respond when he moans in your ear. You wanted to cry, he sounds so pretty like that.

“Wanna walk around town with my cum inside you all day?” It should sound disgusting, and the way it would soak your underwear would be so gross, but it’d be him, and the thought of it is so intriguing to you.

So you can’t help but whine as he says it and tighten your grip on his hoodie.

“So responsive for me. I love it. I bet the thought of anyone else doing this to you is repulsive isn’t it?” Your cheeks burned but you nodded, you couldn’t lie.

“Why am I so special huh Y/n?” He bites your neck as he says it and you can’t help the little squeak that escapes you.

“Because I want you Tomura.” He can’t help but pause.

“Well that’s rich isn’t it? The daughter of two pro heroes pining after me?” You wanted to make it clear.

Abundantly clear, just how much you want him, and him alone.

Finally snapping out of your daze and carding your fingers through his hair to pull his head back and press your lips to his desperately.

He almost seems shocked, but he recovers quickly and pushes your panties to the side and pushes a finger into you quickly.

One wrong move and he could disintegrate you, but his fingers felt so fucking good.

“You’re so warm, fuck.” He can’t help but lean his forehead against your shoulder and watch two fingers pump in and out of you.

He huffs before pulling his fingers out slowly, cleaning the slick off his fingers by shoving them in his mouth.

He sets you down carefully and your legs tremble a bit.

“I want more.” He can’t function properly.

The way you tasted, that’s what he wants.

He wants more of that.

When you saw him get on his knees you didn’t know how to feel.

“C’mere.” The way he had you wrap your legs around him made you panic a bit.

It wasn’t stable, it was wobbly and awkward and you had no clue how it’d work.

Until he had you against the alley wall again.

And suddenly the position he was in had you blushing more than before.

“What? You tasted so good. I want more, is that okay..?” You nodded quickly. Excessively, and it made him chuckle.

“Say it. Say that you want it.” The way you didn’t even hesitate had you curious about what was running through your mind right now.

No you knew what was. Him, the intense need for him, the way he smelled, his hands and the way they feel so perfect against you even with his destructive quirk.

Tomura Shigaraki. Him, that was what is running through your mind.

“Please just eat me out Shig, I- I was supposed-“ he chuckles again and kitten licks your clit interrupting your sentence, his hands were so tight around your thighs, even with a finger lifted and the way he was playing with them was overstimulating in a way while he multitasked.

“You were supposed to what? Meet friends? A guy?” You went to nod when he said friends, but as soon as the second words came out you shook your head desperately.

“No! I-“ you cut yourself off this time. Whining as he pinches your inner thigh.

“Relax, I’m joking. You must know you’re mine right?” You whined and nodded.

“Yes Shiggy, I’m all yours- oh fuck.” The moans you let out as he grazed his tongue against your walls has him pulling you closer and tighter against him.

“I’m gonna have to find somewhere better for this.” He moans against you and your legs tremble and tighten around him.

“S-Shig, Shig! I-I’m gonna-“ he pulls away to answer you this time.

“I know. So do it. Cum on my tongue babe. I want it all.” You whimpered as he sucks you into his mouth while his tongue is plunged inside of you and the coil inside you snaps.

The way he’d gasp when he realized he missed a drop and it started to go down your thigh made it better. He’d just collect it on one of his fingers and then get so distracted finishing you off that he accidentally smears it all over your thighs as he goes back in.

“I could stay down here for hours. But that wouldn’t be very fair to your friends now would it..?” You couldn’t say much. Just whined as he steals your current panties and shoved them in his jean pockets.

“You’re just around the corner babe, I’m sure you can grab another pair.” He had wiped his face of what he couldn’t lick off and set you down carefully again.

Your legs trembled and you sighed contently before laughing.

“I just had a villain on his knees for me.” He blushed and brushed the small gravel off his jeans.

“Yeah, and you will a lot. You’re gonna be my favorite meal in between jobs.” He kisses your forehead gently and goes to pull away but you pull him back in quickly.

“N-Not yet, I need a m-minute to get my legs back.” He had to shake his head to knock him out of it when you said that.

As much as he wanted to rail you right now, he couldn’t. Neither of you had the time, nor was this the place, not that it actually mattered too much to him, but he at least wanted it to be comfortable for you.

“How long will you be gone this time?” You wanted to slap yourself for sounding so pathetic and even asking the question.

“Hopefully only a week or two, I’m hoping it’s only a week.” He leans his head into your throat and wraps his arms around you.

“I’m sorry I was gone so long this last time. It’s really not up to me but I try to see you as much as possible.” You felt butterflies in your stomach as he said that and your arms wrap around his chest.

“You need to get to your friends.” You whined.

“I can’t help the fact that I’m a little fucked out now.” He laughed at that.

“If you’re fucked out now then just wait babe.” He bites your neck before pulling away to leave a kiss on your lips, it was meant to be a short one, but seeing as it’d be the last time for a good week or two, he couldn’t help it as he got pulled into your intoxicating form again.

“If we keep doing this, by the time I leave I’ll be in trouble and you won’t have friends.” You sighed and nodded, heading back towards your house for a new pair of panties.

You thought you’d imagined it when he’d shouted a quick “be safe.” But when you got back outside he was waiting to say it again and give you one more not so quick kiss.

Your friends questioned why you were late of course, and you told them you’d forgotten some homework and scrambled to do it really quickly. Their little puns about you being a nerd didn’t really phase you. No. Not when you knew what you were really doing. You don’t know how they didn’t see your neck, and if they did, they just weren’t commenting on it.

[dragonstoravens]

Babylon Vol. 1: Pandora’s Box, Brotherly Interlude

[ID: a blue patterned banner with text reading “BABYLON.” End ID.]

(We’re back!!! And OH BOY HERE WE GO!!!! We’re only a few chapters from posting all of book 1 now, just two more updates after this one. I hope you enjoy this ~romantically spicy~ update!)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @charlottedotexe @glitterandstarshine @rainbowcoloreddays @the-starlight-chills @erased-in-stone

General: @elywritesbydarkness @residentofthedisc @humour-and-hyperfocus @skyfirewrites @viawrites-andacts

19. Pandora’s Box

    Something felt off.

    It wasn’t the same sort of off that came with glowering at entitled individuals to get them to give Trinity some space or the kind that came with feeling like she was in danger. No, it wasn’t unpleasant like that. It was a gentle, floaty sort of feeling, something sort of like fondness that she just couldn’t put her finger on because she wasn’t quite sure she’d felt it before. Azure looked up at her friend, that feeling in the back of her mind trying to present itself but lacking the vocabulary and clarity to make any headway. He was talking to her, saying something in that soft voice he used when he didn’t want anyone else to hear them or he was trying to reassure her that she had no need to be nervous. It was such a soothing tone, she realized with a small start, that she hadn’t even been paying attention to what he was actually saying. Her cheeks flared red and she coughed a little, looking guilty. 

    “Sorry, I didn’t hear that. The music’s a little loud, what did you say?”

    “I said, dinner’s over. Care for a dance?”

    Trinity was standing next to her, his hand out in offering. He was always so polite, even after months of… whatever this was, asking before each dance as if she was going to say no and sit in awkward silence while the other couples swirled around them. It was like some sappy romance novel she’d devoured growing up-- the handsome prince asking “may I have this dance,” taking the princess’ arm, pulling out her chair for her… and she had to admit Trinity looked the part, in his perfectly tailored waistcoat. For some reason, Crim had gone strangely old-fashioned for tonight’s style-- Trinity even looked a bit like the illustrations in those old books, with his long coat and silver embroidery and hair shining a soft gold in the false candlelight dancing from wall sconces scattered about the hall. He smiled at her, hand still outstretched, something oddly… hopeful, in his expression. Or was she imagining it? She’d never turned down a dance with him before, there was really nothing to hope for.

    “Right, of course. I’d love to.” She smiled up at him, crooked and even a little bashful, and set her work-toughened hand in his larger, softer one. He helped her up out of her seat and she tried to keep her internal voice down as she quelled whatever this feeling was in her stomach that had begun the moment their hands touched. She stepped carefully with him out to the dance floor, goosebumps covering her skin as he placed his hand on her waist. Something strange was happening, and it was really weirding her out. Maybe the food was bad? That was doubtful, someone’s head would be on a pike if any of the people at this event even thought for a minute the food wasn’t made properly. That took out drinking too, because she hadn’t had anything that wasn’t water today due to some maintenance she had coming up soon. The mystery deepened, layers of what it couldn’t be peeling away.

She’d been staring at his jawline for a full thirty seconds now, and she had been flushed red nearly the last forty-five minutes they’d been here. She was beginning to look feverish. As they began the lazy, spinning journey across the ballroom they’d taken so many times before, he leaned towards her, his lips centimeters from the curve of her ear. His breath was warm, ghosting across her cheek as he whispered.

    “You alright?”

    She shivered and nearly stopped breathing, her head a jumbled mess and eyes wide. Was she alright? She had no idea. She wasn’t dying, so she was probably alright. Her head bobbed up and down and she looked in his eyes, deep and green and pretty. Trinity’s eyes had always been pretty, she’d known that, but she didn’t remember them being so pretty. Maybe it was the candlelight? In the back of her mind, the single brain cell that WASN’T occupied with trying to figure out when his eyes had gotten so green reminded the rest that he’d asked her a question, and nodding alone wasn’t really going to cut it for an answer. She looked startled.

    “Oh yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a little warm, that’s all.” She’d always been a terrible liar, but she hoped against all hope he’d just take it at face value, just this once. She cast her eyes around the room, hoping to find something to talk about that wasn’t herself. Her eyes fell upon a couple in a dark corner, arms wrapped around each other and swaying off beat, smiling ear to ear and conversing quietly. She smiled and motioned with her head. “They look happy, ain’t that out of place here.”

    He followed her gaze, those eyes like a searchlight into her soul leaving her for a moment. His lips curled gently, a soft smile most people here wouldn’t believe was an expression in his repertoire. Sometimes even she couldn’t believe she got to see it. “I’m glad for them. You have to find happiness where it comes, in this kind of life, and too many of us forget how.”

    She nodded and smiled, humming her agreement as she looked back up at him. Then, a question surfaced, brought on by a conversation they’d had in a hallway a few months prior and the memory of a sad look in his eyes. Her brows knit together, and for a moment she was very concerned. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper as her heart pounded. “...Are you happy?” 

    Trinity turned his gaze on her once more, his face distant as he seemed to consider. “Right now?” Those eyes came back into focus, and his smile once again lit up their tiny corner of the world. “Yes, I’d say I am.”

    A wave of relief washed over her to see him smile, and then a memory tickled at the back of her mind. She was ten, and her mother was signing divorce papers.

    “Mama,” She asked from her seat across the table, a pencil in hand, “What is love anyway? How are you supposed to know how it feels?”

    Her mother had sighed and turned over a page, looking up at her with sorrowful eyes. “Mija, love is what you call it when there’s nothing more important to you than knowing someone is happy.”

    A second wave, this one of realization, hit her like a train. All Trinity heard in their shared comm was a quiet little “...oh”, before her left foot tried to step where her right foot already was. Her ankle twisted out from beneath her, sending her nearly crashing to the floor.

    Before she could hit the ground, or really before it was even obvious she was falling, Trinity’s strong arms around her shifted and tightened. Suddenly, her hand was clasped in his, the other firmly on the small of her back, arched gracefully in a way she wouldn’t have thought she was capable of. He was holding her in a perfect dip, as if it had all been intentional. Of course, she would realize all of that later. For now, time was lost to the two of them, lost as they seemed to be in each other’s eyes. 

    Time outside their tiny bubble ticked on, of course, the sudden change noted by curious eyes all around the ballroom. Couples shifted in their dance steps, eyes met eyes in conspiratorial glances-- were they about to see a proposal tonight? Others couldn’t help but falter in shock at this never before seen side of Trinity Jericho, known to be icy on the best of days. How many of them, or their children, had he turned down only to be transformed into the sort of man who romantically dipped women on the dance floor by one brash southerner? Two pairs of eyes, on opposite sides of the room, turned away in unified frustration and disappointment. Perhaps it was too late for them-- each of the people they’d been longing for at a distance seemed now even farther away.

    But then the moment had passed, barely an instant to the two who had been locked within it, and Trinity smoothly swung Azure back up into his arms. Their steps resumed. Unsurprisingly, he seemed to have recovered from their little mishap more easily than she.

    “And here I thought we were past you tripping over your own feet,” he murmured, thinly veiled amusement evident in his tone. She tried and failed to come up with something witty to say back, her head so clearly somewhere far away from where they were. Her cheeks darkened, the rosy hue stretching to her ears and shoulders, and she wouldn’t, couldn’t hold his gaze. 

    “Sorry, I was thinkin’ about somethin’ else.”

    Whatever it was, he hadn’t noticed it in the comms. Either she’d gotten better at keeping thoughts to herself, or he’d been a little distracted too. No further explanation seemed forthcoming, though, and the last thing he wanted was to push her when she already seemed a little… off. He nodded, allowing her to brush the topic aside, and pulled her close as the music shifted into something slow and sweet. Very close. After all, he wouldn’t want her to trip again.

20. Brotherly Interlude

    Three hours, some cybernetic tinkering, and three cups of black coffee later, Azure finally felt like her heart wasn’t about to leap out of her throat, but now it was instead hanging low in the pit of her stomach. Once the delighted high of her realization faded, the guilt had set in. It felt wrong to care for Trinity, something forbidden and foreign stripping the joyous feeling down to something upsetting. The entire purpose of her presence at these stupid events had been to keep potential suitors and their pushy families out of his hair. It felt like a violation of his trust, to develop these feelings he was avoiding from others, and she had worked so hard to gain that trust in the first place. She cared about him, about his well being and his happiness, and she couldn’t see how not only making him reject her, but making him then go to these things alone again to avoid her was in any way helpful. He’d be back at square one, but with the added issue of the only person he could ask for help now being part of the problem. Sure, he’d told her the first time that it only had to be a one time thing, but then she’d asked to keep going, and now this looked like the world’s worst ulterior motive to deny other women access to him so she could isolate him and keep him all to herself. It was a horrible concept, and she hated herself for even bringing the possibility to light.

    And she wasn’t even a good match for him, all number crunching and heavy boots. He deserved someone light on their feet and pretty and kind, so kind, just like he was.

    She was sipping at the beginnings of mug number four and wondering how she’d ended up in this mess and how the hell she was going to get out of it when her brother, shirtless and with a fresh coat of blue developing in his hair, entered the room. Her shoulders stiffened and then purposefully slumped, trying to look normal. Crimson tossed her what she found out was a scone once she’d mindlessly taken a bite. 

    “Put a shirt on, dumbass.”

    “Aw get a grip, where am I gonna be comfortably shirtless if not with family?”

    “Weirdo.”

    “Nah, you.”

    She smiled mechanically and dipped the sandy dry baked good in her cup. Sweet, with a little bitterness from the coffee. Crim sat himself on the edge of her workbench table, thoughtfully and carefully dropping every crumb onto her workspace. He looked at her with a measured gaze that she knew was trying to tell her something that she just didn’t want to listen to right now. He cleared his throat.

    “How’d your date go?”

    “Wasn’t a date. Just a favor.” It was a lot harder to hide the strain in her voice that she couldn’t get a lid on when it was her brother she was talking to. She didn’t want to want it to be a date, it’s messy and that meant it wasn’t going to be easy to solve and she hated things that weren’t easy to solve. Except she did want it to be a date. Really badly, actually. Which again, was the problem in the first place. She pulled on a wrench a little too hard and it went flying across the lab. Crim ducked and winced.

    “The eightieth favor, and ya came back redder’n a summer sunset.” Her beloved brother ignored it, like the loving family member he was. Look at him, pressing the initial issue. She wondered if she was like this to him when he got weird and locked himself in his little studio to do mountains of paperwork alone in between four minute naps and four AM meals with Perry. Maybe she should be nicer to him. He was all she had at the end of the day after all, it was just such a shame he was such a little shit. She brushed a few crumbs off her table.

    “Listen, ain’t my fault the rich and influential like blowin’ money just to gossip like they could at a knittin’ circle.”

    “You don’t have to go, you know. I know you hate these things, and any man worth his salt would tell ya you’re free to stay home.” He took another bite of his scone and avoided her eyes, like he knew the contact would make her jumpy and defensive. He was right of course, about men and the eye contact, but then she was already jumpy and defensive, so what was he doing other than mitigating damage like he always did for her. What a good twin.

    She hesitated a moment before responding. She definitely did hate the events, with the overdone glamour and the careful answers to thinly veiled questions about motive and expertise. It was like playing a game no one would tell her all the rules of. She was horrible at games, and she was even worse at talking to people when she knew they wanted to rip her apart. But she didn’t really have to, Trinity had her back, every step she took.

    “I know, but he’s alright, and he needs my help.”

    Her brother shifted to stop leaning on her desk and grabbed the small hand broom she kept nearby to start sweeping bits of scone off her table. She realized with disgust that he’d just been eating it dry. She held out her mug. He leveled her with a look as he sipped it. 

    “Your taste in hot beverages needs help.”

    “Not my fault you need forty packets of sugar minimum to power your ability to breathe.”

    For the first time in longer than she’d want to admit, she watched her brother laugh and try to force down some hot bean water in his least favorite form.

    “Touché.”

    “Backwater hick, speak Terran-English like you were meant to.” She smiled as she took her mug back and dunked into it one more time. She had hoped maybe the joke would change the subject, but damn if stubbornness didn’t run deep in the family. Crimson skipped right back to the topic originally at hand.

    “Azzy, you know that it’s a little outta character for you to keep doin’ somethin’ you don’t like when you don’t have to. What’s goin’ on? He blackmailin’ you? The dick’s bomb and you don’t wanna share, what is it?” He threw the joke in to keep the mood light, and she knew that, but she choked a little on her oversaturated scone anyway. Her brother, ever observant, laughed again, and she’d be happy to see him happy if it wasn’t at her expense. “Oh Azure, you dun caught the bug, huh?” He was still laughing as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and decided it was best to take his leave while he still had the last word. “Good luck with that, Kari. You’ll need it with a man like that, I’m sure.”

    She couldn’t formulate a response in time, so she drained the rest of her coffee and returned to her work, ears burning.

[marvelousstevetony]

Stay tonight?

Sooo... this is the first fic I’ve ever really finished and I just wanted to put it out there for anyone to find if they’re in need of some super soft boys in critical and sad times like right now...

English is not my first language and there’s probably a whole lot of mistakes, so I apologize about that.

But ok, here we go. 10k+ words of soft Stony: Steve is sick and can’t sleep and Tony kinda helps. Then they get called into action and Steve gets hurt. Suddenly both of them start feelings this they’ve never felt before.

*Light angst and fluff. Lots of fluff.

————————————

As Tony exhaustedly stumbled his way towards his room at 4:20 AM, he decided to make a pit stop in the communal kitchen, as he supposed he should at least eat something after spending the entire night and the majority of the day before in the lab, perfecting his suit for the millionth time. 

He stifled a yawn and harshly rubbed his eyes, but then his body turned stiff at the muted sound coming from the room he was about to enter. Tony was curious by nature, and even though the efficiency of his brain were nearing the 50%, he still felt the need to examine the source of the noise. Just before turning around the corner to the kitchen he wondered who the hell (apart from himself of course, this had been a part of his daily routine for a while now) would be up at this atrocious hour. 

Tony wouldn’t say he was startled — surprised but not startled — when the figure that was nearly collapsed over the kitchen table turned out to be the one and only Steve Rogers, his head buried in his palms. It wasn’t like it was the first time Tony had run into Steve in the middle of the night, however, this wasn’t under the usual circumstances. 

Normally, Steve would be up and ready, drinking a glass of water, wearing his running gear and be ready to get out the door for his daily 10-mile jog. (Which wasn’t really a jog. For anyone else, Steve’s pace was basically their maximum speed, but that’s the perks of having a super-soldier-serum injected into you.) Today, however, Steve didn’t seem particularly lively and spry, which Tony found odd. His back was hunched over, a complete 180 from his usual perfect posture. He was wearing an oversized sweater, by which Tony was impressed, it was normally quite the challenge finding clothes that fit Steve’s muscular build let alone finding something that was too big. He looked so small, Tony thought to himself, which seemed impossible for someone Steve’s size. A strange unfamiliar feeling spread inside Tony’s chest, it was warm and uncomfortable, he thought, and tried to shake the feeling off before finally entering the kitchen. 

Steve was still leaned over the table, so Tony reckoned he hadn’t acknowledged him just yet. Under normal circumstances, Tony would’ve been slightly offended that Steve wasn’t able to just sense his presence, but he let this one slide. He cleared his throat to gain Steve’s attention, which had an immediate effect.  Steve looked up, his eyes were bleary, and his hair was ruffled and messy, which Tony found strangely intriguing. He noticed how Steve’s face was abnormally pale, apart from his cheeks and the tip of his nose which were flushed slightly pink. He seemed rather confused, a bit disorientated perhaps, then squinted at Tony. 

“Oh, um… Tony?“ Steve croaked, voice was weak and fragile, then he coughed slightly.

“Morning Cap. I guess you’re already up for your daily suicide of a marathon,” Tony quipped, at which Steve huffed a laugh that launched at small coughing fit followed by a shaky wheeze. Tony narrowed his eyes, something was definitely off with Steve, Tony was sure of it. He just couldn’t quite put his finger on what exactly it was. 

Steve cleared his throat and blinked wearily. “Oh, actually I- snff- um, no… actually not.”

“Then why are you up at such an ungodly hour?” Tony raised an eyebrow, grabbed the nearest chair and sat backwards on it, still facing Steve.  Steve leaned forward, his elbows resting on the kitchen table and copied Tony, raising one eyebrow. “Why are you up, huh?”

Tony followed his movement and also leaned forward. “Nuh-uh, Cap, that won’t work. I asked you first, you answer first,” Tony demanded and made a gesture with his hands. “So go on.”

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed. “I don’t actually know,” he shrugged, “I guess I just cou- snff couldn’t fall asleep, snf.” Just as he finished talking, Tony noticed the other man shiver, which he found odd. The air in the kitchen was rather warm, 75 degrees, and just looking at Steve wearing the thick knitted sweater made Tony overheat. 

Tony’s thoughts returned back to what Steve has just said, but he was unsure how to continue the conversation so he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. 

“Huh, you fantasizing about me, Cap? That would surely explain your restlessness,” Tony smirked. He had wanted to retract it just as he’d said it, even more when Steve’s cheeks flushed bright red and ducked his head with a sheepish grin. 

“Sorry to dis- heh, snff, disappoint you,” Steve said as he rubbed his nose with the back of his wrist, “ but, uh… I- huh,” he suddenly trailed off, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes squinting at Tony. He drew in a sharp breath, burying his face in the crook of his elbow, pressing into the soft fabric of the sweater. Tony was confused. Was Steve about to-

“hehh… hehShoo! ehhTISH’oo! SNFF”

Oh. Oh. Tony’s eyes widened. “B- bless you?” he stammered, sounding like a question. Steve looked blearily up at him, “Oh, umb, snff… Thanks, Tony,” he murmured.

Silence filled the room. Tony didn’t know how to react to what was in front of him. He’d never seen Steve so vulnerable, so defenseless, so… human. Nothing about the great Captain America usually seemed this way to Tony. Steve was always so guarded and stiff, which usually made it very easy, almost too easy, for Tony to piss him off. 

But Steve was also so much else, Tony had to admit. He always had everything under control, much to Tony’s annoyance. Whenever he deliberately tried to infuriate Steve, he’d keep collected and act unfazed (however, sometimes when his composure breaks a tiny bit, Tony would notice, and seeing the irritated expression on Steve’s face would make his entire day). Steve was fearless and strong, nothing could ever keep him away from a situation pointed south. Tony had heard all about Steve as a child. Howard used to praise Steve all the damn time, and Tony hated him for it. No matter how hard he tried to make his father proud, he would never be as good as Captain America himself. Maybe that was why Tony had always felt a weird kind of resentment towards the good man. Captain America was simply flawless, so he was told

In this moment, however, as Steve was sitting there, looking so small and, to some extend, pathetic, Tony felt puzzled. This was an different Steve, a softer, more human Steve. Maybe he didn’t actually know Steve as well as he thought he did.

Some time had passed since the last words between the two had been said. The silence was only interrupted by frequent sniffles and small coughs until Steve spoke up.

“So you didn’t tell me why you’re still up.”

“Oh, y’know, just the usual. Well, really, I was in the workshop, fixing some upgrades and stuff. I was actually on my way to bed before I stumbled upon your pity-party in here,” Tony smirked. “I might also be trying to figure out a way to stop you and Thor from breaking all the punching bags and the rest of the gym equipment. Not because it’s expensive, it’s just a little inconvenient sometimes.”

Steve smiled drowsily at that. “Sorry.”

“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout it,” Tony waved a hand. “I just didn’t really fancy going to bed. Sleeping is overrated. A total waste of time.” 

Steve’s expression suddenly grew into a melancholic frown, his eyes lowered and his lips curled into a smile that Tony thought looked more sad as opposed to happy. He felt a faint pain in his chest, one he rarely felt, but something told him it was a little thing called compassion. Ugh, since when had that been a thing?

“Yeah, I guess so… snff I’m not the biggest fan of sleeping either. Mbaybe, snff , maybe that’s why I can’t seem to doze off,” Steve admitted and shrugged. 

Tony caught himself studying the face of the other man. Steve was way older than Tony, he’d been through more shit than one could imagine, but sitting there, body crumpled up and face flushed, Steve looked so young. His long, dark eyelashes glistened in the weak kitchen lights and Tony wondered if maybe Steve had been crying. The peculiar tug at his heart returned, and Tony swallowed thickly as he felt the urge to go over to Steve and wrap him into his arms. Steve looked like someone who desperately needed a hug. But Tony refrained form doing so. It would inappropriate. Why would Steve want a hug from him anyway. 

“Then I guess there’s actually one thing we have in common… Apart from wanting to ban Clint from choosing movies for movie-night,” Tony tried to lighten the mood, but Steve didn’t really react, just a small huff. The silence was deafening and Tony hated it. Tension filled the room and he knew it emanated from when he mentioned his issues with sleeping. He pondered for a few moments and then looked at Steve who was still looking like a sad puppy, and somehow his heart just couldn’t bear seeing Captain America this wrecked, both psychically and mentally. He had to do something about this.

“Hey Cap, I-,” Tony sighed before he continued, “Look, I know I might be the last person you want to talk to about this… about anything, probably, but I just want you to know that you can talk to me. I’m not known to be the best listener. I’m egoistic, or so I’ve been told, but I’ll try my best.” 

His heartbeat skyrocketed and he was afraid Steve would hear the thunderous pounding. When Steve didn’t answer, Tony was slightly disappointed but he didn’t blame him. It was a sensitive subject, one you talk to your friends about. 

“That’s not true, Tony,” Steve’s words were almost a whisper. “You’re not the last person I’d want to talk to… not at all, actually. I just…” Sigh. “I just can’t. Snff! You know, talk about it.” 

Steve voice cracked at the last part of the sentence. He sounded so… broken. 

“I didn’t think the word can’t was in your vocabulary,” Tony said and Steve smiled sadly at that. “And look, it’s hard. After Afghanistan I thought no one would ever be able to help or understand me. Turns out talking about that sort of stuff actually is helpful. Don’t tell Pepper, though, I’ll never stop hearing from it if she finds out I said that.” 

Steve sniffed and rubbed his nose with his knuckles, then swallowed as he took in a shaky breath. “I’m just so scared, Tony,” Steve sounded like he was within an ace of crying, his voice was so weak, almost inaudible. He burrowed his face in his palms and exhaled tremulously.

Tony frowned at what Steve had just said. What the hell was he scared of? Steve was the bravest man Tony had ever known, that was his thing. “Scared? Wait, no- Cap, you’re Captain America. That’s you, you hear me? You’re fearless. You’re basically the embodiment of a true Gryffindor,” Tony insisted. “Ugh, stupid Clint, we’ve watched too many Harry Potter movies lately,” he muttered under this breath.

Steve looked up form his hideout. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes, it was a matter of seconds before they would start running down his cheeks. 

“That’s all I am,” Steve croaked. I wasn’t a question, more like a statement. “That’s all I ever will be. The fearless Captain America. I’m nothing more that.”

Tony’s heart sank at that. Oh god, what had he done. “That’s not what I meant.”

“No, you’re right. I- I can’t be scared. I have to-“

“Hey, stop! Don’t. Even. Just… Calm down, okay? God, Steve, I’m sorry. You’re allowed to be scared. Hell, everyone gets scared sometimes… The thought just never crossed my mind. I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot,” Tony apologized and stood up, walking towards Steve, placed a hand on his shoulder and squatted down next to him, their eyes meeting each other. 

“So, you want to tell me what’s scaring you, hm?”

Steve wiped his face when a tear slowly escaped. 

“I’m just scared to go to sleep, Tony. Every time I close my eyes, all I hear is screams and explosions and then suddenly I can’t move. It’s like my body is tied, restricted… And I don’t know if it’s my subconscious telling me that I shouldn’t fall asleep because…” Steve took a moment to breathe. “Because I’m scared… of falling asleep. Or maybe more of waking up somewhere I don’t know or recognize… again,” Steve voice broke at the last word.  Tony realized he had been staring the entire time when Steve’s gaze shifted to him and his glassy eyes glared directly into Tony’s. 

“M’sorry… You shouldn’t have to listen to all my pathetic crap,” Steve broke the eye contact when the silence became slightly uncomfortable and shifted in his seat. 

No one dared to say anything or move for a while. They just sat there in the dimmed lights, Tony’s hand still placed delicately on Steve’s shoulder. All of a sudden, however, Tony felt the larger man’s body twitch followed by the sound of a catching breath and Steve muttering a hurried shit. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Steve bury his face in the crook of his elbow and turn away from him.

“Huh.. ehh! uh-huhTChushh! Oh God- snff! h’UHh… UhhIShiew!” Two strong sneezes escaped and launched him into a small coughing fit that left him breathless. 

“Ugh, snff! Excuse mbe,” he mumbled and wiped his nose in the cuff of the soft sweater. “Sorry, I’mb such a mbess.”

“Don’t worry about it. Can’t complain about the fact that you seem too worn out to outwit me,” Tony bantered and gained an eye-roll form Steve. “Bless you, by the way.”

Steve responded with a frail nod and an acknowledging hum. He rubbed at his face and Tony began to realize just how shattered Steve looked. Sure, he’d noticed the bleary eyes and the pinkish tint to his cheeks, but in this moment he saw small beads of perspiration on his forehead and the dark bags under his eyes.

His curiosity got the better of him and slowly he moved his hand from Steve’s shoulder and softly placed the back of his hand to his cheek. He immediately withdrew it, like had he stuck his hand into a flame and burned himself. 

“Geez, Cap, you’re burning up!” he gasped. 

“Oh, no- Don’t worry, Tony. I always run hot,” Steve said hastily. “S’not so bad… just a slight temperature, I think. Probably just cold though,”

Tony was surprised that Steve actually confessed to feeling off, but then again, Steve wouldn’t risk anyone else catching whatever he’d come down with just because he didn’t want to admit defeat. 

“I’m pretty certain that’s a fever, Spangles. I didn’t know you couldn’t get sick anymore… Y’know, with all the steroids they gave you,” Tony gestured to Steve’s muscular body.

“Huh?” Steve cocked his head and Tony figured he didn’t catch his joke.

“The injections, the serum,” he explained and Steve mouthed a silent oh.

Steve gave it a second thought, then shrugged. “Neither did I. Probably the lack of sleep that’s finally catching up with me.”

God, just how bad were Steve’s sleeping problems? The Steve he knew would never show this much vulnerability, especially not in Tony’s company. “Don’t you think it’s probably for the best if you actually try to rest?” Tony requested, crossing his arms. 

“You’re not one to speak, Stark.” Tony unwillingly had to agree with his statement and gave small shrug. 

A short quietness filled the room and, for once, it wasn’t awkward between the two of them. Their confessions seemed to have broken that barrier.  “Well, as your fellow insomniac, why don’t we go watch a movie or something. Like I said, ‘sleep is overrated,’” Tony gave a quick glance over his shoulder, referring to the living room. 

“Sure… why not,” Steve smiled tiredly and propped himself up from the chair. As he stood, his body wobbled, and he quickly leaned against the nearest wall to balance himself. Tony was there in a split second, stabilizing the bigger man. “God dammit, Cap. You’re totally out of it, aren’t you?” Tony worried.

Steve waved the brunette off. “M’ fine, Tony. Y’ don’t need to-“. Steve didn’t get to finish his sentence before dizziness overtook him once again and stumbled slightly. 

Tony grabbed Steve by the bicep, pressing his fingers into the muscle. Gosh, Tony thought. He knew Steve was 220 pounds of pure muscle, but damn. Touching Steve’s upper arm was like hitting a brick. Tony was sure that if there ever would be a live-action Hercules movie, Steve would get the role in a heartbeat. Everything seemed to add up: his incredibly muscular build; his piercing eyes, which were more blue than the clearest ocean; his golden hair, resembling a god perfectly; and lastly, his blinding smile and his plump lips, which Tony definitely didn’t want to kiss. Of course he didn’t, why would anyone think that? No, Steve’s lips were the last thing on earth Tony wanted to touch. The last thing. 

“Yeah you seem fine, Steve. This is exactly what ‘fine’ looks like,” Tony said rolling his eyes and slowly steered Steve towards the living room As soon as they reached the sofa, Tony nearly dropped the bigger man, who fell heavily into the soft fabric. 

Steve groaned and rubbed his temples. “So sorry, Tony. You- snff shouldn’t have to deal with me like this.”

“Good thing I’m such a patient and considerate guy then,” Tony smirked and sat down next to Steve, who was taking up about 90% of the space, his body sprawled all over the sofa. Steve realized this and began shuffling to make more room for the other man. 

“Ugh,” he groaned, “I’m so pathetic, it’s embarrassing.” Tony shrugged. “Stop worrying,” he said and Steve sent him a tired yet thankful smile. “I’ve seen you embarrass yourself on multiple occasions, Spangles, almost on the daily. This is no different,” he continued, at which Steve whimpered and rolled his eyes. 

“Thanks a lot, Stark. Just what I needed.” Tony chuckled and Steve pressed the heel of his hand into his eye, rubbing harshly. Tony felt a smile tugging at his lips, as if it wouldn’t go away even if he desperately tried to do so. 

“Yeah? Well, you’re welcome. I must say, however, I actually kinda like you this way,” Tony admitted and Steve looked quizzically at him, he brows furrowed. “You’re more… how do I say it without sounding like an asshole…”

“I think you passed that point, thanks a lot.” 

“I guess you’re right. In my defensive, my asshole-ness is my trademark. It makes me who I am. Pep always said it got me into a lot of trouble, though, and she wasn’t wrong, to be honest and- Wait, sorry, I’m just rambling now… I just meant to say you’re more… casual? Like you don’t have a stick up your butt.”

“Ouch,” Steve snorted. “You’re being awfully honest. Anything else about me you’d like to criticize?” 

“Oh, Rogers, you’re putting me on the spot. If you’d give me five minutes I could make you an entire presentation.”

Tony couldn’t help but notice the hint of hurt in Steve’s already watery eyes. Why on earth would he even say something like that? As if Steve didn’t feel bad enough being sad and lonely and sleep deprived and dammit Tony, the guy’s sick. Tony was slapping himself internally.  

“Fuck… I didn’t know why I said that. I’m sorry, Cap, I didn’t me-.”

“Don’t-“ Steve held a hand up and interrupted the brunette. “It’s okay. I know. Like you said, it’s your trademark. You can charm your way out of anything. You’re witty, funny. I’ve always admired that about you. Wish I had a bit more of that myself.”

Tony smirked and raised an eyebrow. He leaned back comfortably in the sofa, suddenly feeling a lot better.

“Don’t get too cocky now, Stark. You’re still a smartass and it still pisses me off sometimes.”

They both laughed at that and the joy from the laughter was still hanging in the air even after the silence had settled. 

“I enjoy pissing all of you off, though. I feel like it’s becoming part of the job.”

The chuckled continued, warm and genuine, but suddenly launched Steve into a coughing fit. Tony watched concernedly and placed a comforting hand on Steve’s knee when he was left wheezing and gasping for air. Suddenly, he noticed at familiar sensation: Steve’s eyelashes fluttered and his eyes narrowed. His nose was twisting, rubbing his nostrils gently with his knuckles. He drew in a few shaky breaths, the next one more desperate than the one before, until he finally took a long and deep breath before giving in to the inevitable.

“huhh… uhhhUSChoo! uh.. huuUCHshh! Oh,” Steve sighed after two strong sneezes, which he caught in the crook of his elbow. His body had tensed without he had even noticed it and eventually, when he was sure he’s done, he fell back into the comfortable sofa.

“For Gods’ sake, Rogers. You just don’t anything by halves, do you? You sound terrible.”

Steve hummed grumpily in reply, then shivered, his entire body shaking.

“You cold? I can get blankets,” Tony offered.

“Oh- no, that’s okay. Thanks, though,” Steve smiled sincerely and Tony nodded back at him. Steve’s eyes slowly fluttered shut, but Tony could sense how the soldier was trying to resist the urge to close his eyes and his himself slip out of consciousness. Tony smiled sympathetically at Steve, his cheeks flushed, his nose bright red, hair ruffled and looking the messiest Tony’d ever seen and his lips a perfect shade of pink. 

Then Steve frowned and forced his eyes open, the frustration clear on his face. Tony felt a tug at his heart.

“C’mon, Rogers,” Tony started. “You’re sick, you need to let yourself rest. Please.”

“Tony, I- You know I can’t,” Steve said weekly, his voice so fragile. “I just can’t.”

Tony moved closer, his hand grabbing Steve’s shoulder firmly. “Listen to me, Steve. I know it can be scary, feeling like you’re loosing control, but let me tell you this. Right now, your fear is controlling you. And look what it’s done to you already, you look like you’re on your deathbed- Sorry, right, not helping. Anyways, you simply can’t keep doing this to yourself, or to the team really.”

Tony knew he was being a sneaky, manipulative little shit for dragging the team into the situation, they were Steve’s soft spot, but he forgave himself, it was in Steve’s best interest.

“I really hate it when you’re right, Stark,” Steve growled annoyedly. “Luckily, that’s a rare occasion.”

Tony smirked. “Did I just hear the Steve Rogers admit that I’m right? God, you’re definitely sick, I think we need to call Bruce.” They both laughed. 

“Go to sleep, Steve. I’ll be right here if you need me. I promise.”

“Thanks, Tony… Really. Thank you.”

Steve’s voice was so soft and sincere, Tony couldn’t help but get butterflies in his stomach. When Steve’s eyelids got heavier and heavier, and at last shut entirely, Tony just had to run his fingers through the soft, blonde hair. After a few minutes of just watching and appreciating the sight in front of him, everything got darker and within a minute or two, Tony was laying halfway on top of Steve, both of them fast asleep in each other’s arms. 

————————————

Tony was awoken by a loud alarm, his body jerking up into a half-sitting, half-lying position. He blinked rapidly, trying to gain focus after coming back to consciousness. He figured Steve was doing the same, as he also was looking confusedly around, seeming completely disorientated. 

“Shit,” Tony muttered under his breath as the realized the loud noice was the Avengers emergency-alarm. “JARVIS, what’s happening? What’s the time even?”

“The time is 7.18 AM, Sir. I’m sorry to disturb you and Captain Rogers, but it seems an emergency has occurred. Your assistance is needed,” The AI announced. 

Tony groaned and rubbed his temples, then quickly stood up and walked determined out of the room to get into the suit. Just as he reached the doorway he called over his shoulder, “Gear up, Cap, we’ve got a city to save.”  Tony has seemingly forgotten all about the reason why they were both lying on the common room sofa, completely tangled up into each other. Steve whimpered and gave a shaky sigh followed by a harsh cough and a weak wheeze. He squeezed his eyes shut, then stood up, perhaps a bit too fast, as he stumbled and had to grab the sofa to keep himself from falling. He sighed once more, a deep breath, before exiting the room just like Tony had done 30 seconds earlier. 

————————————

“Guys, I need back up on 23rd,” Natasha called through the comms. She was still panting from beating up seven wolf-like aliens all on her own, only to see a stream of more than 20 new ones approaching. 

“On my way,” Steve responded, dodging multiple hits while running hastily down the street. When he escaped a larger group of attackers, he got a view of the city. Broken glass was covering the ground, the sunlight reflecting every once in a while, when he skimmed through a thick cloud of smoke. Fires were spread out everywhere, in the buildings, in the parks, on the pavements, some of them were small, others were tall flames leaving no hope for saving the matter. 

Steve heard nothing but white noise, a long screaming sound ringing in his ears, but he could see the tears when passing pedestrians, sense them sobbing and feel their fear — there was no need for any sound. Steve could hear them loud and clear. Shouting, whimpering, crying… He felt an ache in his chest, a thump, and he swallowed thickly, quickening his pace. 

He tried to only look forward. If he stopped running now, he wouldn’t reach Natasha in time, so he accelerated once more, frowning in tension. One, two, one, two, he counted inside his head, hoping to keep his mind off of the disastrous state of his surroundings. But fuck. Why was breathing so damn hard? Normally, Steve could run for hours without being short of breath or even breaking sweat. 

Now, however? He was wheezing, continuing to swallow the urge to cough and press his tongue to the roof of his mouth to control the itch that was building in his right nostril. He felt the congestion in his entire face, how he almost couldn’t breathe through his nose, how his eyes felt droopy and dry, how the area around his nose was slightly swollen. 

He just couldn’t focus. All he wanted was to be at home, at cup of tea in his hand and lying in his bed — maybe even sleep. Apparently sleeping wasn’t impossible when Tony was right there next to himself, giving off a warmth Steve hadn’t felt since before the ice. Closing his eyes, knowing he wasn’t alone, knowing Tony knew what was going on when he closed his eyes was so comforting. Steve hadn’t opened up to someone like that since Bucky had… since Bucky. 

Steve was well aware that he and Tony were very different, polar opposites some would say, but their conversation that morning had given Steve some kind of hope that they could set their differences aside and be friends. Maybe even more than friends if… No, Steve thought. No. Tony deserves better. 

“How far, Cap? I don’t know how much longer I can keep them off,” Natasha interrupted Steve’s inner monologue, her usual calm and cool voice seeming affected by concern. 

“I’ll be right there, Nat. I’m only- Ugh!” 

Through his peripheral vision, Steve noticed something blocking the light, a large shadow covering him. He instinctively turned his head to identify the objects, his eyes enlarging as a car was less than 3 metres away from him. The car sped up, driving Steve into a corner. Reactively, Steve threw himself back, regrettably smashing his head into the wall to avoid getting hit by the car, then fell to the ground with a hard landing. He heard a loud crack and winced at the pain coming from his ribs. Before he had anytime to compose himself, another large object was thrown at him from the car. Grabbing the shield, trying to cover himself, he rolled and dodged the object by a few feet.  An explosion, powerful despite its humble size, sent splinters in every direction. The majority of Steve’s body had been covers by the shield, but he felt small shards prickling his legs through the holes in his suit like a needle. He cursed under his breath and slowly got up from the ground. Looking around, he heard nothing but his own wheezing breath, until the silence was broken by a loud bang. 

Steve looked around once more, searching for the source of the sound. Everything suddenly seemed to happen in slow-motion and a few seconds later, Steve felt a throb in his stomach and fell to his knees once again. He grabbed his waist and leaned against the wall. His breathing was fast, hitching, as he let out a painful grunt. 

“Cap? Cap, you there? Steve!”

Silence.

“Rogers! Answer us!” someone snapped though the comms. 

Steve drew in a shaky breath. “I’m-,” his voice broke, so he cleared his throat, “‘M o-okay. I, uh…”

He trailed off as he looked down and saw a red liquid oozing out from the wound, leaking through his fingers. He grabbed harder as another stab of pain ran through his body. He sat up against the wall, his vision became blurry. He was now panting, grunting in agony.

“Guys, Cap’s down. Send the med-team immediately. Now!”

Steve was sweating, beads peeping down his forehead, his hair wet and dark at the roots. He suddenly felt tired, his body numb apart from the ache in his abdomen. 

He had completely lost all sense of time, he had no idea how long had passed when he felt something snatch his shoulder. His narrowed his eyes, clearing his slurred sight. focussing. When he looked up, he was met by a pair of warm, brown eyes that were filled his worry and, to some degree, anger.

“T’ny?” Steve mumbled.

“In the flesh, Cap.”

“S’rry. I lost focus,” Steve apologized. 

Tony sighed and huffed a laugh. 

“Well, yeah, no shit… Geez, you’re burning up, we need to get you out of this,” Tony hissed as he touched Steve’s forehead with the back of his hand, then continued to feel each cheek. 

Steve wiggled away a little, feeling a bit embarrassed. He let out a whimper and looked down at his wound, then clenched his jaw, trying to ignore the pain.

“Fuck, Cap, you’re hurt. We need to get you to the med-wing.”

Steve just shook his head, but before ehe could even open his mouth to protest, Tony spoke up.

“There’s no discussion here, Steve. You’re hurt — and sick — you need medical attention, right now,” Tony said sternly. 

Steve wanted to object so badly, but he was too tired to response with anything else but a sigh and an irritated hum. He just continued looking directly into the eyes of the armoured man: shiny and comfortable and beautiful. All the noise and clatter around them seemed to fade out. Tony’s mouth was moving, yet it was inaudible to Steve. He felt how Tony’s grip got tighter, and Steve cracked a smile at how their bodies were so close, so connected. As his eyelids became heavier and heavier he blinked wearily until he reluctantly gave in to the darkness. 

————————————

Tony didn’t remember how long he was sat there, staring out into space, his eyes becoming dry from not blinking. His fingers were drumming nervously on the workshop table, a quirk he’d had for as long as he could remember — he always had to do something with his hands. He’d noticed how Steve did the exact same thing when they were in debrief after a mission (he could always tell Steve was getting impatient, but of course Captain Perfect kept composed), or whenever he got nervous or uncomfortable, which was often, maybe too often, and mostly caused by Tony or Clint when they said something inappropriate. He’d also notice how he’d duck and shake his head and smile shyly, his neck and ears flushing slightly pink and Tony lived for making Steve act like this. 

God, get it together Stark, Tony thought to himself and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching he bridge of his nose. He couldn’t stop thinking about Steve and how mad — furious — he was at him for not being careful enough. Then Tony got mad at himself, as he remembered how unwell and weak Steve had been before they’d been alerted, and Tony facepalmed himself internally for forgetting and letting Steve go fighting when he obviously was in no state to do so. Steve probably would’ve ignored him and gone fighting anyway, but at least Tony would’ve been able to cross his arms and say I told you so. 

It had been about six hours since the battle had ended, seven since Steve was injured and laid unconsciously in Tony’s arms. As soon as the med-team had showed up and the rest of the Avengers has finished up beating the Hydra-agents (when would Hydra stop bugging then, for god’s sake, Tony wondered annoyedly) and aliens Tony had flown back to the Tower, ignoring Fury and Hill and everyone else telling him to do the horrible post-battle debrief or search-and-rescue, which was usually Steve’s job. Steve would never complain and he usually volunteered to take care of the aftermaths, which Tony found incredibly irritating and really admirable. 

It was obvious how the Captain felt a lash of guilt whenever people got hurt in battle. He wanted to make sure everyone was safe. How he swallowed thickly and looked away to hide teary eyes when the stats were reported on the news. How he’d go to the gym and spend hours destroying the punching bags in anger at how he couldn’t save every single human on the planet. 

Steve spent so much time looking after others that he forgot to take care of himself and now he had been shot, broken multiple ribs, suffer a severe concussion and probably a lot of other smaller injuries Tony couldn’t recall. But the fact was that Steve was so unbelievably stupid and thick-headed. And sweet and caring and basically everything Tony wished to be. Tony groaned loudly and threw his head back, at which the bots reacted, startling their creator. 

“Fuck off,” Tony growled and Dum-E and U. 

He ran a hand through his greasy hair and sighed. When had Steve slipped his way into Tony’s mind like this? This wasn’t like Tony - Tony didn’t think of people like this! Ugh, fucking stupid, adorable, perfect Steve Rogers had infiltrated a literal genius’ mind, and Tony absolutely hated having to admit to it. 

After a few minutes of Tony staring directly into the ceiling while continuously giving himself shit for thinking of one well-known super-soldier, his inner dialogue was disturbed by JARVIS.

“Agent Romanoff is requesting access, Sir,” the AI announced.

“Access denied,” Tony grumbled crossly.

Much to his annoyance, he heard the sound of the door opening and a pair of heels stamping towards him. The redhead stopped a few feet in front of him and crossed her arms, accusingly raising one eyebrow.

“Traitor,” Tony muttered under his breath. “I thought I said access denied,” Tony repeated his precious statement.

“I apologize, Sir. Agent Romanoff has overridden your security code. I’m designed to allow all Avengers access if the code is overruled,” JARVIS explained.

“How did she- ugh, doesn’t matter… Who the hell designed you to allow that?” Tony exclaimed confusedly. 

“You did, Sir.”

“For fucks sake,” Tony complained, then sighed and eyed Natasha. “Why are you here?”

That came out harder than he had expected it to, but Tony was feeling too petty to do anything about it and just left it at that. 

She snorted. “Hello to you too, Stark.”

Tony didn’t reply, just frowned. Natasha sighed and her expression softened. Grabbing the nearest the nearest chair, she sat down and crossed her legs. “You okay?” she asked. Tony shrugged.

“No one blames you, Tony. You couldn’t have prevented it,” she said reassuringly. 

“Sorta seems like I could,” he mumbled and sighed. “How is he?”

Natasha tensed and rubbed her thighs uneasily.

“He’s… he’s okay, mostly. He looks horrible, though. Med-team put him on bed rest, which he wasn’t too pleased with.”

Tony huffed a laugh and scratched the back of his neck. 

“I would imagine… He’s probably the worst sick person ever. And now he’s injured too, which is just the icing on the cake, isn’t it?” 

Natasha laughed quietly. “Yeah… he seems miserable, to be honest. He just keep sniffling and sneezing. I’ve never seen him like this, Sam hasn’t either. He looks like he’s about too pass out from exhaustion. But he won’t sleep.” Her tone tuned more serious towards the end of the sentence. 

Tony swallowed thickly. Of course Steve wouldn’t even try to go to sleep. Tony didn’t care if Steve’s ramble last night was out of pure fatigue and delusion or if he genuinely trusted Tony. Tony hoped for the latter but wasn’t convinced. 

Steve had been pretty hazy and probably hadn’t meant for anyone to hear all that. Tony felt guilty for being happy Steve had shared his feelings, but for once, Tony believed the two of them could actually get along, not bickering about all the small irrelevancies. 

“He’s been asking for you, by the way. He’s… worried about you” 

Huh. Tony felt odd… Steve was injured and probably fully drugged-up and presumably not conscious enough to think clearly, but Tony couldn’t ignore the slight satisfaction of knowing that Steve thought about him, even when he had so much else to be concerned about. But of course, no one could know that, so Tony just rolled his eyes.

“The guy’s got a gunshot wound the size of my fist, broken multiple bones and is nursing a concussion just to top it off, and he’s worried about me? That’s ridiculous.”

“I know… That’s Steve for you,” she smiled fondly. 

“He’s an idiot. A fucking sacrificing, self-destructive idiot,” Tony tried to sound angry, but both of them knew he couldn’t really be angry at Steve. Steve was just too honorable for his own good.

“I don’t disagree… But he’s our idiot,” she simplified and Tony hummed in agreement. 

A silence settled over them, the workshop completely quiet once again. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes, a meaningful glance that Tony didn’t know he had needed, but apparently he had ‘cause his demeanor eased when she laid a comforting hand on his arm. 

“He really wants to see you, though. You were the first one he asked for.”

“You were there when he woke up?” Tony asked and she nodded almost imperceptibly in reply.

“Go,” she demanded and signaled towards the door. 

Tony hesitated and frowned. He opened his mouth to say something but never got the chance to speak before Natasha nearly pushed him off his chair. “Go!” She encouraged once more.

Tony smiled slightly as he stumbled out of the chair, headed for the door and made his way to Steve’s floor. 

————————————

The elevator doors opened directly into the living space when it reached Steve’s floor. Tony walked out cautiously, trying to keep quiet. He didn’t even know why, it wasn’t like he didn’t want Steve to know he was coming. 

As he stood there, he surveyed the room. He hadn’t been visiting Steve’s floor very often, but it looked just like how he’d imagined it: tidy, organized and depressingly empty. Everything seemed to have its place. The few paintings that were on the walls hung perfectly straight; the kitchen was exemplarily clean, not a single plate was in the sink (Tony couldn’t relate); the pillowed sat flawlessly in the couch, which looked like it had never been used. It was almost surgical how impeccable the room looked, and Tony’s heart ached at how impersonal it was. The only sign of life was the used tissues that were scattered randomly around the room. 

“Cap?” Tony called out.

He was met by silence.

“Cap, you in here?” he tried once more.

Still no response. He moved further into the apartment, examining the room as he went on. Running a finger over the sideboard surface, checking for dust, which just confirmed Tony’s thoughts. Exemplarily clean. He did, however, notice a piece of paper that was folded into a small square. Tony looked over his shoulder before reaching out for it and unfolding it. The paper was wrinkled and delicate and old, like had it been crumpled up far too many times. 

When Tony got a look at the content, he immediately understood. Damn, he thought to himself as his eyes ran over the photo of Steve and someone who Tony presumed was Bucky Barnes. Steve looked… different. Skinnier and shorter, the photo was obviously taken before the serum, but he was still immensely beautiful and the smile on his face was unlike any of the smiles Tony had ever seen from him. It was wry and crooked and sweet and authentic. It was real, it made Tony dizzy and giddy, and he suddenly felt an egoistical desire to make Steve smile like that again.

Then he heard some shuffling from one another room, quickly folded the picture and put it back in place. He slowly made his way into the corridor, listing carefully to identify the source of the sounds. He narrowed his eyes in concentration when the shuffles were replaces by sniffles and catching breath.

“uhh… hu- uhH! huhh? uhhISh’oo!! snffSNff! Huh… huhEschh! snff!” 

The sneezes were followed by a pained whimper and Tony wanted to resist the urge to barge in through the door and take care of him, but he just couldn’t. Fortunately he had a little self-control and opened the door to Steve’s bedroom quietly and peaked through the opening.

The wounded soldier was sat hunched over on his bed, clutching his torso and clenching his jaw. (Tony was sure he could cut himself on Steve’s jawline — so strong, so sharp and Tony wanted to run his fingers over it softly, caressingly. Wait- no! He did not.) Steve was wearing sweatpants and that same sweater he had worn in the kitchen the night before, his hair was wet and messy, and Tony could see the flush in his cheeks and how his nostrils were rough and pink, like had they been abused by too many tissues and probably the cuff of the sweater as well. 

Tony knocked rhythmically on the door and it creaked as he opened it wider. Steve looked up in surprise with his mouth hanging slightly open.

“Hey there, stranger,” Tony smirked and walked towards the bed. 

“Tony,” Steve croaked then cleared his throat. “Um… hu- y-you really shouldn’t be here right now. Uhh…uh-huhTChushh!” 

He sneezed off to the side, away from Tony, coughed harshly and winced wretchedly afterwards. He let out a whine as he breathed in short and fast breaths as if every inhale was sending a thousand needles into his stomach.

 Steve’s eyebrows drew together in discomfort, which Tony, even though he wasn’t a genius when it came to body language, noticed immediately and sat down next to Steve and comfortingly laid an arm around the broad shoulders and placed the other on top of Steve’s own hand that was attached to his ribs. 

“At ease soldier,” Tony mumbled and gently stroked the other man’s arm.

“You’re pathetic. And a selfish asshole, by the way” Tony continued when Steve’s expression became less tense. 

Steve smiled wryly. “Thanks a lot, Stark. Nothing’s new then,” he said and cocked and eyebrow at which Tony rolled his eyes.

“Don’t try to be smart here, Rogers. If you weren’t already hurt, I’d punch you so hard I’d break my own hand,” he snarled half seriously, half jokingly.

“Hm,” Steve hummed. “So are you gonna tell me why I’m in trouble? snFF!”

“You really don’t know? Wow, you’re even more stupid than you look, Capsicle,” Tony commented when Steve shook his head.

“And you’re apparently a bigger asshole than one would think,” Steve clicked his tongue and Tony smirked smugly. “Not that I don’t want your company Stark, but um… I have some work to do, so-“

Steve wiggled his way out of Tony’s embrace and used the edge of the bed as support when he stood up. He turned away from Tony, who had let out an annoyed sigh when the soldier had moved, not wanting to have to deal with the reacting he knew was coming. As he approached the door, he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and clasped his side. 

“For Gods’ sake, Rogers!” Tony exploded as he raised from the bed, and Steve jumped. “Will you please you give yourself a break for once? I’m so fucking tired of you acting like this!”

“Acting how?” Steve asked through gritted teeth. 

Tony threw his hands up in frustration, then pulled his hair tightly, eyes widening. “Like this, like you’re okay when you’re obviously not!” 

Tony gestured at Steve’s bruise and bandaged body.

“Tony, please stop, I’m fi-“

“Shut up. Shut. Up! Don’t say you’re fucking fine, Steve. Everyone knows you’re not. And for the record, you’re an idiot. A stupid, inconsiderate, self-sacrificing idiot, who never thinks before he acts this recklessly. You could’ve died out there. Yeah- hey, don’t look at me like that, Rogers. Do you ever consider what could happen when you go into a fight when you’re in no state to do so? Huh? I don’t think you do, ‘cause then you’d know how fucking ignorant that is. I don’t want your death on my conscience so you better stop being a careless, selfish ‘hero’.”

Tony stopped to breathe and realized he’d just stood there and nearly screamed at Steve for about a minute. His sight had turned blurry and his entire body was shaking, his lower lip quivering intensely. 

None of them dared to move, both waiting for the other one to speak up first. Steve’s jaw was clenched once again, the way he always clenches it and Tony hates it because he can’t read it. He doesn’t know what it means — it has so many meaning, he’s learned. He does it when he’s in pain, or when he’s nervous, or angry, or sad and, Tony thinks, maybe even when he’s scared. And Tony doesn’t know which of Steve’s clenches he would prefer right now. 

Steve’s gaze that had been directed right into Tony’s eyes now wandered around the room. His hands were rubbing against his thighs and he was biting the inside og his cheeks. Nervous, Tony concluded. He’d seen Steve this way, observed him, enough times that even though his clenched jaw was ambiguous, Tony would always recognize his nervous ticks. Not that he had spent a lot of time does said thing. No, it was just that Steve often was nervous… yeah, that’s why.

Steve looked up for a second, his eyes were sorrowful and apologetic. “M’sorry, Tony…” Steve mumbled quietly. His voice was thin, on the edge of breaking. “But y-you really shouldn’t huh! be h-here riihh right now,” Steve spoke through catching  breaths, hurrying out the last part of the sentence before letting out a soft TShhoo!

“First of all, this is my tower, you don’t get to tell me where I can and cannot be. Second of all, why is it so hard for you to let anyone care for you?” 

Steve cracked a small smile at first, but his expression quickly crumbled once again. 

“I… snf! You really don’t have to worry, I’m fi- ugh,” another throb in his ribs sent a wave of torment through Steve’s upper body, bending him in half with one hand resting on his knee while the other was fastening his side. Tony was quick to support him, carefully guiding him back to the bed.

“Yeah, you’re fine, I get it. Now sit down you lunatic.”

Steve slumped down into the softness of the bed and nodded a thanks at Tony.  “I appreciate your help, Stark, but I can take care of myself,” he said, earning a huffed laugh from Tony.

“You’re the worst at taking care of yourself, Rogers. And that’s a lot coming from me. Why are you so damn stubborn?”

“Will you please just leave it Stark?” Steve scowled. 

“No, Cap! I won’t.”

Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why are you wasting your time here, Tony?” Steve shook his head in confusion. “You don’t care about me. No one actually cares about me, Tony. All they care about is stupid Captain America.”

Now Tony was the one who’s uncomfortable. He swallowed hard. God, was he going to do this? Was he going to tell Steve? 

“That’s not true, Steve.”

Just then, Steve looked up, clearly puzzled.

“How the hell would you know?” 

Tony sighed and scratched his neck. It was now or never.

“Because I care, Steve.” There it was. “I care about you so much it hurts. And I don’t like it, cos’ I don’t do this catching-feelings-thing.”

Steve’s jaw dropped, his mouth hanging slightly open, as if he wanted to say something, but Tony held up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t. I just want to say something… Look, Steve. You and I both know that I’m a mess, kinda like you right now. I’m stubborn. I can’t keep my mouth shut and I say things I know I shouldn’t say. I’m inconsiderate and egoistical and I don’t care for anyone else. Or so I thought until about 24 hours ago. The point is that I care about you Steve. Hell, I freaking love you. No- I’m not done yet. I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings. I know I’m not easy to love, but I just… I wanted you to know… That I care.”

The silence made Tony even more nervous. Shit, he thought. He had just rambled and said everything he felt and Steve probably didn’t like him back, and he hadn’t prepared an escape plan for when Steve broke his heart.

“You’re right, Tony. You’re not... You infuriate me like no one else. You drink way too much coffee and never listens to my orders, snff! To anyone’s orders, in fact. You’re a pain in my ass,” Steve listed and Tony could only nod in agreement. “But you’re also generous. You do care about the people you love. I know the reason you work so much is because you want to help. And yes, we clash and we argue, just like right now, but you bring out the best, a- snf! and sometimes the worst in me. But I wouldn’t have it any other way… I love you too, Tony.”

Tony stood tongue-tied and stared at Steve. That was unexpected. “Wait, what?” 

“I love you,” Steve repeated, his face was serious as he grabbed Tony’s hand and pulled him closer until they both sat on the bed, looking directly into each other’s eyes. 

Tony was apprehensive as his fingers intertwined with Steve’s.

“So you, Steve Rogers hot-as-fuck and super sexy, hunky super-soldier,” Tony’s hand moved uncontrollably, gesturing at Steve’s body, “are in love… with me?” 

Steve ducked his head and chuckled as he gave Tony’s hand a squeeze. When he looked up, his eyes were sparkling. They were still red-rimmed and he still looked worn out, but something had changed. 

“I am. Very much so.” 

Tony felt his cheeks flush and smiled like a giddy teenage girl. “That makes this so much easier for me,” he whispered as he leant in softly placed his lips on Steve’s. One hand was cupping the soldier’s cheek, the other one still squeezing his tight. 

Steve’s lips were soft and had a sweet taste, just like Tony had imagined and they matched his perfectly, as if they were made for each other. It started off slow and gentle but grew more passionate by the second, their hand suddenly fiddling all over each other. Tony reckoned things would’ve progressed even further had Steve not pulled away.

“Sorry… We shouldn’t be doing this,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against Tony’s. “You’ll get sick.”

Tony smiled fondly. How hadn’t he noticed how amazing Steve was before now? “You sound like you think I care about getting sick.”

Steve chuckled and shook his head affectionately. “Oh, I know you don’t. But I do. snf! And I’m probably not in the best of state to… y’know… right now,” he smiled wryly. Tony had completely forgotten about the fact that Steve had literally been shot.

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry, Steve. I should probably just, like, let you get some sleep. No work.” Tony stood up and shot the wounded soldier a serious look at which Steve laughed, still holding Tony’s hand.  “Or you could, maybe, just… do go?”

Tony felt something in his stomach lurch and wondered how Steve had managed to sweep him off his feet in the matter of 24 hours. 

“Only if you promise to rest and let me take care of you,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Steve, who was rolling his eyes but chuckled lightly.

“Manipulative asshole… snf! but I think I could be persuaded to oblige just this once.” 

Tony lips curled into an affectionate smile as he sat back down. 

“Just this once, huh?” He slowly bent forward, his face nearing Steve’s who stayed still.

“Tony, I-“ Steve started but Tony cut him off.

“Shhh… stop speaking, Steven,” he purred as he placed a tender kiss on Steve’s cheek, pulling him into a warm embrace. As held held onto him, his arms barely reaching all the way round Steve’s broad frame, he gently pushed Steve backwards until they were both lying down in each other’s arms. They didn’t speak, just listened to the way they harmonized as they breathed in unison. Tony found a comfort in hearing the proof of life that followed every in- and exhale. Slowly he felt his eyelids grow heavier and closed a few moments later. He still listened attentively to the way Steve’s breath evened out. It was so peaceful, and Tony happily thought to himself that nothing could take the calm away. 

That was until he suddenly heard small, desperate gasp and felt Steve shuffle out of his hold.

“T- Toohhny, sn! I gooh- gotta,” Steve spoke through hitching breath. 

Tony’s eyes fluttered open and slowly released Steve from his grip but kept a comforting hand on Steve’s arm as the blonde sat up, his breath caught and he buried his face in the crook of his elbow.

“Bless you,” Tony said preemptively.

“huh… snff! huuishh’uh! heh- eishh’ew” snfsnf… h’USHhh! Ow…” Steve doubled over as the sneezes overcame, the last one particularly strong and leaving Steve breathless as he winced and let out a painful grunt, a hand clenched to his ribs.

“Bless you. Bless you… God bless you, Steven,” Tony spoke softly as he carefully stroked Steve’s abdomen from behind him. 

“Sorry, I-… this is horrible. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Steve sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands. 

Tony placed a soft kiss to Steve’s shoulder and nuzzled his face into the side his neck.

“It’s okay to let your guard down for once in your life, Steve. You’re sick, you need to relax… and, oh my god I’m gonna regret saying this later, but you’re surprisingly cute when you’re not so uptight,” Tony whisper and Steve could catch the undertones of a smile in his voice.

“I can’t believe me being sick, and sniffly, and sneezy and gross makes you think I’m cute,” he shook his head lightly, huffing a laugh. 

“Yeah, me neither. I think it’s because you can’t keep up with my wit when,” Tony joked, nudging Steve slightly.

“Yeah? You just wait a few days, I’ll be back to outwitting you in no time, Stark,” Steve quipped earning a laugh from Tony and Steve couldn’t help blush at how the soft chuckle was like the most beautiful melody he could imagine.

Tony Stark was used to posing in front of the cameras, giving his best toothy smile, making conversation with everyone. He went to galas and fundraisers, wearing some of world’s most expensive suits and looking as glamorous, if not more than a Hollywood-actor on the red carpet. Point is, Tony was used to keeping up a facade and adapting his demeanor to fit the genius-billionaire reputation. 

Not a lot of people could tell the difference between the role he played and the real man that was behind the sharp exterior. But Steve could. 

Steve had always hated the way Tony forced a smile in front of the cameras, how he was putting up an act. It was in times like this, quiet and intimate, that Steve could feel the warmth and sincerity that exuded from him, how has smile was smaller and a bit crooked but so much more real and so much more Tony. Whenever he managed to get that side out of Tony, Steve’s heart would flutter and think to himself that maybe, just maybe, he could be good enough for him and Steve would feel a wave of happiness that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. That’s how he felt in this instant. To hear Tony’s laugh, knowing he was he reason behind it, was more rewarding than anything else Steve could imagine. 

“Come on, lay back down,” Tony murmured as he pulled Steve back until he laid comfortably on the bed. “Get some rest.”

For once, Steve didn’t protest. He obliged, shuffling into his preferred sleeping position, on his side, curling into himself and closed his eyes. He let out a relieved sigh and Tony could visibly see the way Steve’s body relaxed into the soft fabric and huddled closer to Tony, who couldn’t help but smile a how small he looked.

“Tony?”

“Hm? Yeah?”

Steve held Tony’s hand a little tighter, giving it a squeeze. 

“Can you, like, maybe… will you stay, tonight? Please,” Steve begged, frowning in suspense as he waited for Tony to answer. However, his expression softened as soon as he felt a tickling breath behind his ear and a pair of lips brushing his cheek.

Before definitively answering, Tony took one last glance the gorgeous face he so suddenly had fallen in love with. His forehead was covered in a thin layer of fever-induced sweat. He had dark circles under his eyes, a clear indication of just how badly he needed to sleep. His nostrils were still twitching ever so slightly and he sniffed quietly as he tugged himself closer to the duvet. 

Tony had never imagined that he would fall in love with the man he had both idolized and hated when growing up, but then again, he never thought good things could actually happen to him. But this. This was more than Tony could ever hope for. 

He laid down next to Steve, wrapping an arm around his waist, letting the bigger man be the little-spoon, and he instantly felt sure that this would be the best night’s sleep the two insomniacs would’ve had in a very long time. 

“I’ll stay. Of course I will.”

[avionvadion]

Forest Deep: a fanfic mixing Secret of the Cursed Mask and the actual Inuyasha anime itself. https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115702/chapters/58056064

Summary: Naraku had one goal- to destroy Inuyasha. Now with his new companion he has an idea how to make that happen. Brought to the Feudal Era by an unwanted Summoning, Irene's in search of her older sister and the one who brought them there. With the help of her new friends she might just find them, but it's hard getting through battles- nonetheless the day- with her lung problems. Why is this Naraku so cruel? What does he gain from hurting people? Who is his new friend- and what's underneath that mask she wears? Irene doesn't know. But she'll find out- one way or another. She just wished she had her sister beside her as she did it.

The first drawing is basically the story cover. I drew it back before Irene’s hair had a consistency and I had a better grasp of the art style XD The second image is from the end of chapter 20 and the last one is for chapter 15. 

Story: 

"I-It's…" Oh gods. "It's a saying where I'm from. Just- Just ignore it. I speak nonsense. Um. Look. You don't want to stay here, right? I don't want to stay here either. I have a sister I gotta make sure ain't dead, some friends to get back- granted… they probably don't want anything to do with me anymore, and an evil half-demon to stop, so~!" I huffed and stood, brushing some dirt off my pale blue jeans. I walked over, holding a shaky hand out to her with a grin. "You can come with or you can stay here and go crazy! Your choice."

Her eyebrows knit together. "For what reason did you desire the Magatama fruit? Most here are… filled with greed. They want its power for themselves. I, too, was selfish and… it brought me here."

"It…" I hesitated. Memories of the villagers falling came to mind. "I… I need the fruit to break a barrier. If the barrier doesn't break then… more people are gonna die. And… I don't want to see that happen."

"That's sounds awful…" Shizuno said, bringing a hand up to her mouth. "A-Are you certain that it's not another lie someone told? You could have fallen into a trap."

"I mean, probably?" I made a face, moving my head to the side and shaking it, shrugging my shoulders. "Buuut I have no reason to distrust him, you know? I-It's weird. Like, yeah he can be pretty shady when he wants to be, but he's helped me out this far and it's because of him I can talk to Shikigami spirits and heal people. So! I think he's nice. He did mention that this would be really dangerous and I was a firm believer I wouldn't survive. Was that a lie? Nope. Here we are! In a magical space surrounded by a bunch of crazy people."

"You are…" She frowned. "...strange. You speak of dire circumstances, yet you smile so brightly. Why do you behave so casually?"

"I just do." I was still so tired. "Life just sucks. That's how it works. No use mopin' about."

Unless of course several people had died. Damn it. I can still hear their screams, the children calling out for their parents as they ran for their lives. The blood splattering onto the ground… and staining Kohaku's kusarigama.

"Anyway! You never answered my question. You comin' with me?" I stretched out my fingers and wiggled them at her, staring at her expectantly. "You know you waaaant tooooo~! Far over the misty mountains cold~ to dungeons deep and caverns old!" My voice cracked and I coughed, hacking into my sleeve. My voice really could not go low. It was so distressing. The woman gave me such a strange look, but she reached out and took my hand. I felt so lightheaded. "Oh? Yay!"

She shook her head at me, folding her hands close to her chest. "We could be trapped here in eternal suffering," Shizuno told me, "yet you sing? Why?"

"Because if we're gonna be suffering eternally," I declared, holding an index finger up wisely, "we might as well have fun with it. Sadly I don't remember all the lyrics, but! It's a good song." I approached the mountain wall, staring up and squinting my eyes as I tried to gauge how far up we would have to climb before we reached the next ledge. My hands were all scraped up. "Okay… calm down. We can do this. You up for the climb?"

"Y-Yes, I suppose… what about you?" She stared at me, frowning. "Your skin is quite pale…"

"I'll be fine." I had to be. "My… My friends are waiting for me."

If they even still thought of me as one.

"And… your sister?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't even sure she was alive. "If I don't get that Magatama fruit… more people are gonna die. I… I don't want her to be one of them." I looked back at Shizuno, forcing another closed-eye grin, ignoring the lump forming in my throat. I had to be strong- for her. She was in pain as well. Her entire village was destroyed. "So we gotta keep going. Up and at 'em!"

I cracked my knuckles and reached up, grabbing onto a root sticking out from one of the rocks. This part of the wall was covered with vines, but there was no telling if they could all hold. Shizuno followed behind me uncertainly, grabbing onto a rock and climbing. "Th-This is very dangerous!"

Well, obviously. But I was convinced that we couldn't quite… die here? I've seen so many people wandering around and not one skeleton. At least there weren't any demons nearby in this spirit realm that could eat us. I don't think I'd taste very good. Ick. My mind flashed back to the mansion and I cringed, temporarily halting in my climb. Don't freak out. I had to stay calm. This is fine.

I'm fine. Always. Always fine.

I may be slowly breaking apart, but I'm fine. It's how I am.

This is just life.

It's my fault those villagers are dead, so I have to avenge them. Don't I?

Suddenly the vines I was climbing broke and I let out a small shriek, falling back towards the ledge below. The wind around me picked up pace and suddenly my descent slowed, causing me to blink. Then once I was close enough to the ground it stopped and I hit my head, crashing hard onto my back. "O-Ow! Frick!" I cringed and curled onto my side, bringing my hands up to the back of my aching skull. It was being put through so much abuse today. "Dude, that hurt!"

"A-Are you alright!?" Shizuno called down. She was at least thirty feet above me, clinging tight to some vines. "The wind just- how on earth-!?"

"Spirits." I hissed, wincing at the bump that was definitely going to be there for a while. The wind helped enough for me not to die, but wasn't completely forgiving to leave me free of injury. "Eugh…" That seriously hurt, but at least it wasn't fatal. This proved that one of my theories were right. Kazumi would have us wander forever in insanity, but she would not have us kill ourselves. "Frick."

I stumbled, wobbling over to the wall and leaning against it for a moment until my vision cleared. The world was trying to spin on me.

"Need to… keep going." I wheezed. This air spirit guardian person was such a sadist. "Have to… save them…"

My fingers gripped weakly at the roots. I wouldn't be able to climb in this state.

"Naraku… must be… stopped…"

I'm so dizzy. My forehead pressed against the rocky mountain side, eyes closing as I waited to catch my breath. That scared the crap out of me- falling like that. I hated it. After a few long minutes I grabbed at the vines again, fingers feeling numb and tingly, and I kicked at the wall with my bare feet. Being weak is one thing, but being stubborn was another. I was determined.

"I will… defeat him…" I wheezed, reaching up and grasping tiredly at a rock jutting out. It crumbled and I had to go for one higher up, stretching my arm painfully. "Barrier… it will break…"

Naraku sent Kohaku and Kanna after me, and why? Because Anastasia wanted my soul for some god awful reason that still wasn't explained. He made them attack the villagers that were helping me, and if Kagome didn't crack the mirror and force the souls to be freed so many more would already be dead. They tried to help me and Naraku forced Kohaku to kill them because of that. He was awful.

He was more of a madman than anyone else in this place.

The air around me seemed to grow gentler, my body becoming lighter and moving a bit faster. It was almost as if it was giving me a boost, but I knew that couldn't be the case. It was so aggressive earlier. After what surely must have been an hour I reached the ledge I fell from, reuniting with Shizuno who watched as I fell onto my front, eyes closed and breath heavy. "You are not the most healthy person, are you?" She asked.

"I wonder what… gave you that idea?" I wheezed, the sarcasm dripping off my tongue. "I told you… sickly human… didn't I?"

She gave a small smile, almost amused by my weird ways. "You did. Will you be able to make it to the top? There is still quite a ways to go."

"Yeah, just… need to… rest a bit first. Is that okay… with you?"

Shizuno nodded. "Yes… we have all of eternity, after all. Time does not seem to pass in this place. I have seen many arrive here, yet… they never aged. It is rather concerning, but there is nothing we can do. I fear many years have already passed since I was first brought here."

Wait, what? Oh no. My eyes widened and I sat up, looking at her in alarm and ignoring the rapid pounding of my heart. "N-No way… no, no, no! We… We have to hurry! I-I can't-!" I can't be trapped here forever. I have to get that fruit as fast as possible. If Maria was still alive then I can't be left behind. "The mountain! W-We have to… to climb…!"

I stumbled over, dazed and desperate, grabbing at the roots and struggling to climb. Shizuno dashed over and caught me when I fell, startled when she felt the heat radiating from my body. "I-Irene! You are feverish!"

"M'fine." I mumbled. "Have to get… to Sango…"

She, Miroku, Shippō, and Kirara are all up there dealing with the air spirit alone.

"Don't wanna see 'em hurt…"

I'm so sleepy. I want to take a nap.

"Gotta beat Naraku… and his dumb barrier thing…"

"Rest first. We have time." She said softly, voice so soothing. Shizuno carefully moved me away from the wall, keeping her arms around my waist, setting me down on the ground beside her. My head fell against her chest and my eyes closed, giving in to the comfort she gave. A hug felt so nice right now… yet her body was so cold. Her fingers ran gently along my hair, fiddling with the short strands. "You are fighting so strongly right now, are you not? It must be hard…"

"S'not… just… hurts."

"Why do you want to fight this Naraku so bad?"

"He hurts… people." I told her quietly, finding myself being lulled to sleep by her gentle touch. "They… helped me a-and he… killed them."

"He did?"

I nodded, making a small noise of confirmation. "He had… Sango's younger brother… attack. H-He's controlled by him, so he can't… fight back. She's always crying when she… has to face him. I don't like it. She's so much better… when she's happy…"

"I see. So Naraku is the one to blame."

Yes. He made Kohaku hurt them. It was all that evil half-demon's fault that the villagers are dead. "Naraku… killed them…"

"If that is so… then you should be able to climb the mountain now."

"...What?" My eyes slowly opened and I blinked, turning my head to look tiredly at Shizuno.

Her features seemed to change as the wind around us blew stronger, her long black hair shifting into something shorter and more white in color. I yanked myself off of her lap, watching as her colorful kimono become a pale blue, a white cloth draped over her shoulders and wrapped around her arms. As I stumbled into an upright stance, standing and backing away slowly, her dark eyes became an icy blue, lips dark and almost purple in color. I hadn't seen her entire appearance before, but I was certain now as to why Shizuno looked so familiar.

"K-Kazumi?"

…

"Where did she go!?" Sango demanded, whirling around to try and locate where the air spirit disappeared to. They were just talking when the mist became stronger, the entire area around them being covered in fog. The demon slayer couldn't see five feet in front of her. "Miroku! Shippō!"

"Here!" The fox demon informed, about ten feet back.

"I'm over here!" The monk shouted somewhere from her left side, sweeping at the area around him with his staff. "I'd use my Wind Tunnel to suck in this mess, but I might anger the spirits further if I did and cost Irene her life! Sango, what should we do!?"

"I-I don't know!" For once the demon slayer was at a loss. There was no enemy to fight, no goddess to appease. Only a spirit set on challenging their friend to a test of truth. "I… never realized she felt so guilty for what had happened…" Sango said after a moment, looking down at the hiraikotsu in her hand, closing her eyes with a pained expression. "I was only focused on myself. Miroku, I…" She rested a hand over her face, ashamed. "I'm a terrible friend."

"No, Sango, don't blame yourself." The monk shook his head. "I, too, did not notice. I was believing us to finally be able to close the gap and become proper allies, and yet…"

"She's always blaming herself!" Shippō stated, frowning deeply. He appeared greatly bothered. "Irene has such a guilt-complex for some reason! I don't get it! She's always apologizing for every little thing, no matter how small it is! Inuyasha was always yelling at her for it!"

"I-I thought she was just shy." Sango admitted. "But… I guess there's more to it. What do you think, Miroku?"

"Anything could have caused it." He informed them, something unsettling forming in his stomach. The monk always had been unable to refuse helping a young woman in need and the one in trouble now was a friend. Yet how could they protect her if they didn't even know what was wrong? If they couldn't even reach her where she was now? Why did Irene feel the need to place the blame on herself? "I'm afraid we'll just have to ask and pray she will tell us when she returns."

"I hope so…"

…

"H-How did you-!?" I pointed at her, dumbfounded, then gestured to where the brunette used to be. "Sh-She was just- hah? Gah! Shapeshifter!"

I took several more steps back. The woman's expression became blank once more, resembling more of the air spirit I had met earlier. "She was nothing more than an illusion. I created her as a guide, just as I have done time-and-again for those who come up this mountain. A rare few have ever been able to accept their truth and continue forth up the mountain. They were always too trapped in their greed, their selfishness… and would never think twice about abandoning someone else if it meant reaching their own goal."

What is she saying? I don't understand. My head hurts so much from this; I was still so dazed.

Kazumi closed her eyes, opening them only when her purple lips tilted upwards into a smile. "You have passed my test, Irene. You have accepted that Naraku was the one to blame for the villagers deaths. The children did not die because of you. I have seen into your mind… I know what you saw. I know how you felt. With this test I was able to attune your heart and I have come to the decision that you are indeed worthy… of a Magatama fruit."

"But… I literally didn't do anything?" I don't get it. I'm too dizzy for all this. "I just climbed a mountain…"

The air spirit looked amused by this and went on to explain. "Though they scared you, you tried to approach those wandering souls and save them. When you saw the apparition I created… you tried to give her the courage to go on. Though… unorthodox in the way it was done… you remained strong for her for as long as you could. But you are only human- and one who is prone to illness cannot keep on for long." She glanced up at the mountain, icy eyes following the path up. "The wind will help you on your climb up the rest of the mountain. You need not fear falling; now that your mind is clear of guilt… the roots and rocks along the cliff will not break."

I'm still so confused, but alright. "Um, thank you…?"

"Do not thank me just yet." She warned. "If you so much as waver in your thoughts you will fall once more down to the bottom, and your soul will wander here for all eternity like the rest." Kazumi waved her arm and then she was gone, replaced by nothing but more fog.

My eyebrows raised and I shook my head incredulously, unable to believe the audacity some spirits could have. Like, seriously? Jeez. Crazy lady. She was so much nicer as Shizuno. At least she was giving me some advice… kind of. Was this all because I blamed myself for what happened with Kohaku?

That's what I'm getting from that conversation anyway. Ugh, I have such a migraine. I want to go home.

I need another hug.

I walked over and grabbed at the roots, hands shaking. They didn't feel as weak and numb as before, but they were bleeding. I had scraped them up quite badly during my climb. That strange feeling appeared again as I tried to move up the mountain, like the wind was giving me a boost. I supposed it actually was doing that, as it was helping me move a lot faster than before. I reached the next ledge in record time.

I tried not to think too much, focusing on the task at hand, determined not to fall below.

My heart wanted to waver, to believe that the children's deaths were my fault, that everyone who died should have blamed me, but… Shizuno's words stuck. They may have been protecting me, but it was by Naraku ordering Kohaku that they were killed. I had no control over the boy's actions. It was not my fault.

It was his.

The fog slowly cleared away the closer I got to the top and the people wandering around had vanished. I huffed and trembled, feet and hands scratched up and blistered, legs and arms sore. If not for the wind pushing me up- as if trying to say hurry up, stupid human like an irritable spirit- I would have collapsed long ago. I dragged myself up to the top ledge where I had been thrown off when I first met the guardian spirit Kazumi, struggling to push myself forward, and wound up clawing at the ground.

My poor fingertips were all bloody.

"I-Irene!?" I recognized that voice. I fell on the ground and rolled onto my back, wheezing and letting out a few coughs. I was so exhausted. "Oh, thank god! Miroku, Shippō, look!"

"Irene is back!"

"She passed the test!"

I could see the group dash over to me, Sango quickly kneeling by my side and helping me sit up. I began to tear up at the sight of her. Wasn't she mad at me? "Irene, you're burning up again! How badly did you stress yourself out!?" She asked, voice almost going into a sisterly scolding tone before relief crossed her face. "I'm so glad you're back…"

She surprised me by leaning down, wrapping her arms around me tightly."I should have paid more attention to your feelings. I'm so sorry."

"I-It's okay." I choked out, awkwardly hugging her with my arms so not to get blood on her armor. I'm such an idiot. They didn't hate me after all. "I-I'm fine. You're the one who was upset, so…"

"But so were you!" She pulled away, gripping my shoulders tightly with her hands. "All this time you've been festering hate and guilt inside of you- and for yourself no less! Ever since I've met you you've been apologizing left-and-right for things you had no control over! Irene, it's okay to be selfish! Not everything is your fault!"

I couldn't speak, too stunned by what was happening. This day was so dizzying. "I-I just… want to help." I finally got out, stuttering on my words. Her eyes were so intense; it felt like they were boring into my soul. "I-I can't do anything useful, so…"

"What do you mean by that?" Miroku demanded, stepping up. Kazumi was still nowhere in sight. "You've helped us countless times; we've told you before. Just who told you that you were useless? That made you believe you could guilt yourself for everything?"

[fanofafan2ff]

52: Arrived

Madison

I adjusted the blinds in the room so the sun wouldn’t come in as much. It didn’t matter though. Chloe was only going to sleep for an hour before she woke up because she either realized no one was holding her or she was hungry.

Is it possible that a baby could already be spoiled at six weeks? Because Chloe  Monét Brown was just that.

After Mijo and Mel’s wedding, it was like my pregnancy was moving in slow motion. The weeks were going by so slowly, I felt like I’d never hit 40 weeks. But when I did and sis still wasn’t here... I was completely over it! I was beyond uncomfortable, tired, sick, fed, and up- in that order.

Our doctor had given us a two week timeline and if she wasn’t out by then, I’d have to be induced. But, Little Miss Brown wasn’t having that. A day shy of being seven days overdue, my water broke in the middle of the night. I was surprisingly calm.. but all that flew out the window once my first contraction hit.

Thankfully, Chloe didn’t torture me for hours labor wise. I was already dialed to 4 by time we got to the hospital. It didn’t take me long to get to 10 before I was pushing. She was 5 pounds and 2 ounces, which surprised me because I thought she’d be a little bigger than that.

And as young as she was, she already had a personality of her own. She loved to be held and cuddled by everyone, especially Christian. He loved his sister and nobody could tell him anything about his Coco. That’s what he called her and he made sure nobody thought they could call her that too. He was already so over protective of her.

It was definitely and adjustment, having both him and Chloe. Having two kids was no joke. It was extremely difficult about three weeks ago when we got to take her home. He was having kind of a hard time realizing he wasn’t the only child anymore. He had a whole tantrum and even told Chris and I that we liked the baby more than him.

My poor pumpkin felt like we didn’t love him all because he wasn’t the center of attention anymore. In a way it was cute but also concerning. Dr. Lopez had informed me about stuff like this happening but to actually see it was crazy. So one night, after dinner, we made sure to sit down with him and just talk things through.

We let him know that even though Chloe was getting a lot of attention it didn’t mean we loved him any less. And once we incorporated him into her routines, he couldn’t get enough of her. He loved taking naps with her and whenever he’d wake up before her and she started fussing in her sleep, he’d rub her back just the way Chris and I taught him how to so she would doze right back off to sleep. He especially loved to give her his special big brother good night kisses.

Sometimes I swore this wasn’t my life.

It was around 10am, so Christian was in school today and wouldn’t be home until around 4:30. The house was clean and quiet and I was in heaven.. at lest for another hour. I made sure to readjust the baby monitor so I could see her clearly on my phone and pulled up the door before exiting and making my way to the bedroom.

Since giving birth six weeks ago, I’d already dropped 20 pounds which I was grateful for, since I’d gained damn near 50. I’d been eating better, trying to exercise, and breast feeding helped a lot too. All the extra weight on me just didn’t make me feel like myself and I hated it. This shit had to go.

I sheded my pajamas and pulled on some compression shorts and a T shirt. I slipped on the first pair of Nikes I saw and sauntered downstairs to the gym.I kept the baby monitor app up and watched Chloe’s chest fall and rise and she napped in the dimly lit room. I popped one of my Airpods in and started some music up while I started the treadmill up.

MoneyBagg Yo’s voice flowed through my ears as my fast walking turned into strides. Not before long I was in a groove and jogging at a nice pace. I wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted to be weight loss wise. I intended on losing the 50 pounds I’d gain during this pregnancy and well as an additional 20. All together, I needed 70 pounds gone.

Of course everyone around me though my weight loss goal was crazy, seeing as though I was only six weeks postpartum, but I needed this time in the gym for myself. I hadn’t been working as much while I was pregnant with there being so much going on so there was that. After giving birth, I was stuck in this routine of being a stay at home mom and I never saw this for myself so it was weird.

But breast feeding full time came with a lot, so I told myself I’d give it 6 months and then slowly ween Chloe off my boob. After that, I’d go back to working and getting my business back on track. My pockets weren’t hurting for cash at all, thank God. But, I never saw myself living doing the stay home mom thing for real.

And you know who was supportive the who every step on the way when I told them my plan.

Christopher Maurice Brown.

I’d told him my weight goal and before I could even get the reasons why out of my mouth he was already asking if I needed him to get me a trainer. He even vowed to get healthier with me. He wanted to know what he could do to help me out of the funk of the stay at home mom routine. He wanted to help me revive my business. He just.. was everything. I really loved that man to the moon and back.

It was having his support that made literally everything so easy.

Especially with the kids. Chris made sure to make his family a priority- even while having a million and one things to tackle. He was front row center for everything that had to do with Christian and Chloe. He was getting Christian to school and packing lunches, he was changing diapers and rocking her back to sleep when I was too tired to move.

I just really had to thank God for blessing me with this man, even with everything we had been through.

An hour later I had ran about 3 miles, did ab workouts and also worked on my glutes. I was feeling good. I made my way back upstairs and checked on Chloe. I was surprised she hadn’t woken up yet. I used to time to indulge in a super long shower. I even got to wash my hair. She’d not only help my gain a little more junk in the trunk but my hair had grown an extra five inches. I was so thankful. My hair needed a break from wigs and extensions.

After I got dressed and ran some product through my hair, I climbed back in the bed and got comfortable. As the weeks went by she was sleeping a bit more soundly and I was so thankful. I finally had a moment to myself and decided to indulge in social media.

I honestly hadn’t been on there in a while. Between being so busy and actually not caring about what people posted for real these days, I only found myself on here when I had a few minutes of down time.

Cute outfit.

New boutique.

Cute hair style.

“Oh, her nails are bomb.” I said out loud to myself. I continued to scroll through my feed making sure to like a few things. I could feel my eyes slowly getting heavier as I scrolled through my feed. I double checked that Chloe was okay and decided to take a nap. I made sure to set an alarm for 1pm, ensuring that I’d sleep for at least 45 minutes.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep when I felt wet lips on my face. “She sleep man.” Chris laughed. “But I missed her today.” Christian whispered. I guess he wasn’t trying to wake me up. He was the cutest, I swear.

“Hi pumpkin.” I giggled. He crawled back over and suffocated me with a mini bear hug. “I made Coco a picture today at school.” He boasted. “Oh, you did?” “Yeah, and daddy said I could show it to my grandmas cause they’re gonna come today.” He rambled. Today?

I look at over Chris who was shaking his head at Christian. “Yooo.. you can’t hold water.” He laughed. “Surprise.” Chris shrugged. “Aw, they’re coming?” I smiled tiredly. “Yeah they should be here tonight. I knew y’all was missing each other and they wanted to come see Christian and Chloe. So, I got em some flights and they’ll be staying here for a week or two. And you need the help when I leave.” He said.

He would be leaving for a promo run for his album next week. He’d only be gone for a week and a half, but that seemed like forever these days. We’d spent so much time together lately I honestly forgot what it was like to miss him. And I really didn’t want to remember.

“You’re the sweetest.” I said honestly. “Gimme kiss.” I puckered my lips for him. He leaned over and pecked me quickly. “Ew.” Christian gagged. He got himself off the bed and ran to his room which made Chris and I laugh. I swear he was so dramatic.

I grabbed my phone and checked the time to see I’d only been sleep for 30 minutes. I checked the baby monitor app and saw Chloe was still sleeping. “Why did you pick him up so early?” I asked. He still had a cool 3 hours left. “I missed my son.” He shrugged. He eased on the bed and laid himself right on top of me making me laugh.

“Whyyyyy?” I whined. “Cause I missed my wife too.” “Fiancé .” I corrected. He kissed his teeth. “Fiancé.” He mocked in a voice that was supposed to sound like mine that made me laugh. I placed both my hands on his face and gave him another kiss. “Did you check on Chloe when you got in?” I asked. “Yeah, was still knocked out. That titty milk be having my babygirl gone.” He laughed before rolling off of me.

He placed his arms behind his head and got comfortable. He done a white T shirt, grey Nike shorts, and some socks. His was growing out his facial hair and slowly but surely, his beard was connecting. The scruffy look worked for him. But then again, what doesn’t? He looked so comfortable.. yet so fine.

“Madison.” I heard before snapping back into reality. “Huh?” “Where yo ring at?” He asked. I looked down at my left hand immediately. Shit, where did I put it this time? “I think I took it off in the bathroom last night.” “You think?” He chuckled darkly. “Aight.” He nodded before rolling out the bed and heading to the closet.

My ring was just a little too big for my finger, so it was always sliding off my finger whenever I wore it. Chris and I meant to get it resized but, it’s just been too many things going on. I kept telling myself I needed to do it as soon as possible because I was truly sick of us having this petty argument.

I got up and made my way to the bathroom. I opened the small jewelry box on my vanity and pulled my ring out before slipping it on my finger. I sauntered into the closet and watched as he pulled one of his million duffle bags from the shelf. He had been putting off packing for his trip for days but he was just ready to do it now.. all of a sudden. He was so aggravating I swear.

But, honestly, I was in no mood to argue today. I walked up behind him as he sorted through his Nike collection, trying to pick out some shoes. I pouted as I wrapped my arms around him. “Don’t be mad at me.” I whined. “I’m sorry. See, I put it back on.” I extended my hand so he could see.

“Cool.” He uttered, not even bothering to take a look at the ring. I walked around and stood in front of him. I put his face in my hands for the second time today. “Christopher. Stop being petty.” I rubbed over his ears to relax him a bit. “I keep telling you, it’s too big. I don’t want it to fall off and I don’t want to lose it so I take it off. You think I’m trying to look single out here or something?” I asked.

"I have two kids, nobody’s gonna want me.” I shrugged. The joke made him kiss his teeth. “Stop being mad at meeee.” I continued to whine. “I’m not mad.” He ensured. I let his face go and he continued to sort through his shoes. “I just want you to wear it, alright? I love seeing you have it on your finger.” He explained. “We getting it resized before I leave. Cool?” He asked. I nodded and puckered my lips for a kiss.

He bent down and got dangerously close to my lips before pulling back, “Ha, you thought!” I hated when he did that shit. “You’re not gonna kiss me?” I pouted. “I’m good love.” The side eye I was giving him was vicious. He thought that shit was so funny. I nodded and backed away from him. 

“Keep that same energy, Brown. Keep that same energy. Cause when I get clearance from my doctor next week, you’re gonna be sick. You’re going to live in the doghouse. Better get real acquainted with that left hand, play boy.” I stuck my middle finger at him and made myself comfortable on top of the island which was a few steps away from him. 

He looked back at me with a playful smile. 

“Cap.” He muttered. I lifted my eyebrow, daring him to continue. “I know your body like the back of my hand. You just went six weeks without this dick. And if you put me in the doghouse.. you gon be sick.” He chuckled. “Why does this sound like a bet?” I grinned.

“What you tryna put on it, baby mama?” He asked as he walked over. He knew what he was doing. His hands immediately came in contact with my thighs. He ran small circles over them while staring in my eyes. Ugh, I couldn’t stand him. 

“Let’s put a week of dirty diapers on it.” I said pushing his hands of me. He found it funny but nodded anyway. “Seal it with a kiss?” He asked puckering his lips up. I learned forward and just before we could kiss, I backed up and placed my hand in his face. “You thought!” 

---

“What she said sis? That pussy is clear for take off!” Kaya clapped. “Pchttt!” Ashley cosigned making the worst airplane sound I’d ever heard in my life. I laughed obnoxiously loud as we sat in the back of the Mexican restaurant. 

I had just left my 6 week check up and I was all good to have sex again. My health was in good shape as well, and I’d lost an additional five pounds. I was feeling good. I had been locked in the house for weeks and I needed to get away and just breathe. So, Mel decided we could all have lunch together. 

Both my babies were at home with both their grandmas. The love and support I’d been smothered this week was so needed. Chris left a few days ago and I was really missing him. Christian would get so sad when he wasn’t here to bring him to school everyday, but Chris promised they’d pick right back up where they left off. 

Both Mama J and Tasha were loving being here with them, but honestly, I think I loved it more. They wouldn’t let me do anything but breastfeed her Chloe. After I’d feed her they’d whisk her away from grandma time which gave me time to catch up on some sleep. My skin and body were so thankful for it. My dad was a bit too busy to take off work but he’d let me know he’d be out to visit soon. I felt like it had been so long since I seen him. 

“It’s just a shame that yo husband ain’t here to be the pilot.” Mel nudged me. I hadn’t told them about the bet and I wasn’t going to. They would root for Chris anyway. I only giggled i response to her words. “I do miss him.” I admitted. It had only been a week and I was ready for it to be over.

“So when are you gonna start planning the wedding?” Mel asked. I shrugged. “Any theme in mind?” Another shrug. “Who’s the maid of honor?” Kaya asked. Another shrug. I literally had no idea. And honestly, the wedding wasn’t on my priority list right now. 

Our waiter came over to the table and somehow Kaya convinced me to get a margarita. I was only having one to celebrate my health and I knew I had to pump and dump my breast milk for the next few hours. I was so glad I’d decided to pump before I decent amount before I had left this morning. 

After a few sips, I was already tipsy. I had never been a light weight, but being away from alcohol for so long had me feeling like I was a college freshman again. It wasn’t before long that I was officially drunk. Shit, it was barely 1pm and I was gone. 

The girls immersed themselves in girl talk as I quickly sent a message on my phone. 

I miss you. 

And your dick 😢

I was trying my hardest to not lose this bet Chris and I had going... but fuck. 

We had sex up until I was about 8 months but after that I literally just couldn’t bother. I was so uncomfortable those last couple weeks I didn’t want to be touched. But, in this moment Chris was making me eat my words. 

I was sick.

I stared into space quietly and I could see myself laid out in the middle of our king sized bed with my legs spread open while Chris sucked on me like his life depended on it. I blinked, and I could see him pushing my thighs back into the mattress and he pounded into me and whispered how good I felt in my ear. I had to take a breath because it’s was as if I could feel every bit of it. 

“Hello?” Ashley snapped. “Did you hear me?” She asked. “Sorry, what?” “I said, I’m single. I’ve decided to devote this year to myself and career.” She shrugged. “So, no more fucking Austin?” I asked. “Nope.” She made sure to pop the third letter. 

“Well, I’m gonna try not to.” She laughed. “Fuck, I just be having them stupid ass moments of weakness when I’m drunk. And Austin never tells me no. That’s he problem!” She reasoned. “Why toxic dick be so goooood?” She whined. “Preach, sister.” Kaya clapped. 

“I’m just gonna keep the focus on myself. Stay celibate- to the best of my ability. Build my brand and kill shit. Period.” She signaled with her hand. “Well, you got our support babes. Always, you know that.” Mel chimed in. “Plus, you know we gon call you the fuck out if you start fucking him again and don’t tell us. Yeah, bitch I’m still salty.” Kaya rolled her eyes. 

Once all the hoopla around Mel’s wedding went away, Ashley spilled her guts on her and Austin messing around again. Turns out they had been having sex wayyyy longer than anyone knew about. She thought he was trying to rekindle the relationship, but turns out he just really wanted to keep having sex. He was stringing her along and once she picked up on it she was out. She would slip up a few times though. 

Ashley rolled her eyes right back. “Well, like I said, toxic dick be good.” She said making us laugh. “I think I wanna move to Atlanta with Ant.” Kaya blurted out. My eyes bulged. That was a big ass step. Especially since Kaya was so strategic with her love life now. Ty really fucked her head up. It took a while for Ant to get through to her, so to hear that she was thinking about moving to another city for him was big.

“Yeah, I know.” She let out a nervous laugh before shrugging. “Wow, that’s big Kaya.” Mel weighed in. “Crazy thing about it is... I’m not even afraid to do. I think... I’m gonna do it.” She sighed. “Am I crazy?” She asked. 

“No!” We agreed in unison. “You love him, and if you think y’all are ready for that step, we’re behind you 100 percent of the way.” I stated. I’m sure Ashley and Mel felt the same way and my sentiments were correct when they chimed in with the nods and words of approval. She looked like she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

“Wait.. that means we’re not gonna be a foursome anymore.” Ashely stated. “Bitch, we gon always be a foursome! The fuck. I wish y’all would have a bitch try to take my spot.” Kaya ranted. I swear we could never have a moment. 

We continued girl talk and I had decided to have one more margarita and take another shot or two. I was officially down for the count. Mel wasn’t drinking really and opted to drive me home. On the way home, I couldn’t shake the feeling between my legs. I really missed my man. 

He still hadn’t texted me back so I decided to call him. No answer. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my Birkin. I was over it. We pulled up to the house maybe about five minutes later and I let Mel know she didn’t have to come inside. I walked up the driveway and slipped inside the house quickly. 

I immediately noticed how quiet it was so that could only mean no one was home or they were all asleep. I waltzed in the kitchen fumbling with my bag as I tried to pull my phone out. My eye cause the pink reminder slip hitched under the magnet in the kitchen. 

Took the kids to the zoo. We should be home around 4. Love you!

- Mama and Tasha 

They were so cute. I found it funny that they never opted to just text me, they always left notes. I sighed at the quietness throughout the house and grabbed a bottle of water out the fridge. I downed the water quickly before shuffling up the steps and into the bed.

I needed nap.

I stripped myself of my jeans and bra and snuggled into the bed with just my shirt and panties on. The buzz I had was going to make for a excellent nap. I yawned and hummed for a few minutes before I felt myself drifting off. 

I stirred when I felt cold hands on my skin. They ran from the top of my thighs down to my knees and then back to my thighs again. A pair of lips connected to my neck next and I thought I was dreaming when I saw Chris staring back at me. 

“So what you missed more? Me or this dick?” He asked before planting his lips on mine. “Definitely the dick.” I giggled. I wasn’t even about to ask how he was here right now. All that mattered is that he was. I pulled him down for another kiss. “I missed you... so much.” I mumbled in between kisses. 

“I.. missed you...more.” He replied. His tongue instinctively found its way into my mouth and I let him take control. He used his knees to spread my thighs so he could lay in between them. He pressed himself against me and I could just feel how hard he was. I was still a little buzzed which made all of this feel even better.

He helped me out my clothes quickly before pulling off the shirt and Nike shorts he was wearing. With barely any foreplay, I was soaked and ready. He began running the head over my clit which sent shivers through me. He literally watched as I got wetter for him. I was sick of him playing with me. 

As if he knew how antsy I was getting he stopped the teasing and began pushing my thighs back so they were touching the mattress. It always amazed me how flexible I could be once it involved taking dick. He used one of his hands to guide himself to my entrance. He began teasing me again, and just before I could protest, he slowly slid inside me. 

I gasped and instinctively sent my hand to his lower torso. He pulled out some before sending a few more inches inside of me as I cried out. “Shitttt.” I sighed. He moved slowly as my body got reacquainted to his size. Once he sensed that I fully adjusted he picked up his speed. 

I could hear how wet I was over our skin slapping together. The beautiful harmonies our bodies created made me even wetter. His hand found its way around my neck and my eyes rolled at the pleasure the lack of oxygen sent me. I shut my eyes for a second before I moaned and forced them open to look him in the eyes. 

He was concentrated on watching collide. “Fuck.” I heard him groan before looking away and finally into my eyes. “You lost.” He grinned.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Angst you say?

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?" "If you're asking if I'm dying, I'm not" "That's not what I meant. I mean, you're ok. Or you're going to be ok with rest, right?" "Yes, Levi. I'll be fine. They just said u pushed myself too far while sick. When it passes, I should be able to go back to dancing" "I wish you'd told me" "Why?" "Because... you need more you time. I could have looked after Viren, or I could dropped you off, or picked you up" "Viren likes the bus... so does Anna" "Hanji said Anna wants to start dancing" "She wants to do ballet. She's very much the little princess" "What about Viren?" "He hates it. He doesn't mind the crèche, but they're really good with the kids there" "What activities do they do?" "I'm not allowed to tell. He said so" Levi rolled his eyes "He's 2" "And silly mummy isn't allowed to tell daddy anything. That's what he said" "Eren, you know you can tell him off. Smacking his bum for misbehaving isn't the same as putting him through what you went through" Eren nearly laughed. Levi thought he didn't disciplined Viren? Wow... he was even more useless than he thought "Yeah. Sure... anyway, Viren will want a red suitcase" "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?" "No. I just don't want to talk about it" "We need to. He can't treat you without respect. I refuse to let it keep happening" "Levi, he's just a pup, and I'm not the only mum this has happened to" "It doesn't make it ok. You didn't... you didn't nearly die giving birth for things to be like this. And I didn't promise to marry you, for to be trapped in a life where you're suffering" This was all too heavy. Hitting far too close to home, and it all felt like too little too late "I proposed to you, remember" "And I promised to protect and love you. I love you, but somewhere along the line I started taking you for granted" Ouch. That. That one hurt. Knowing it, was different from hearing it out loud "I grew to expect you waiting at home with Viren. And didn't think about what that meant for you. About how hard it would be for you to be alone" But he wasn't alone. He had Viren. And Anna. And Hanji, and Marco, and Mina and Anka. He had Sasha and Connie. And the people at the dance studio. The only person he didn't have was Levi, because Levi was working hard to support them... and the only person who could ease any of his pain and loneliness was Levi. Even with Hanji, he found himself only speaking half truths, and only seeking comfort from her when his omega side left him feeling so pathetically weak that he'd take love from the first alpha who'd gift it upon him. He was a wreck, and didn't deserve the love Levi was showing him. He wanted to go home... No. wanted to go Hanji's. He wanted to go home if it meant his brain would stop all this shit, and it meant Levi would love him. But they had responsibilities. They had a son to consider and everything else came second to that. "Eren? What are you thinking?" "I think I need to stay with Hanji a while longer" Levi's scent turned pained, his alpha pausing mid step while someone behind them complained at their sudden stop "If I say I want you at home, will you come home?" "Levi. I know you love me. But I'm a mess" "Look. I want to work this out. I already told my boss that I need to be home with you" Levi did what? That wasn't ok. He didn't need more people thinking he was a weak omega. He'd never met Levi's new boss, but they probably thought him a stupid omega "I didn't ask you to do that" "No. But that's only because you felt you couldn't" "If I'd wanted things to changed, I wouldn't have said something" "Things need to change" "And what? You're the only one working. They won't give me a job" "I know Marco and Hanji pay you for babysitting" "It's not the same. Besides, Marco and Jean are thinking of moving. They've been wanting to move closer to Jean's family for a while now, and Anna. She's like a daughter. Hanji won't let me not accept payment. She puts it my account, and sends it back to me if I return it. So I use it on Anna" "Hanji was thinking of putting Anna in daycare to get her used to socialising with more people" Eren held his tongue. Levi wasn't great at forcing a casual tone. Maybe to someone else, but not to him. No doubt Hanji and Levi had been talking about his fragile mental state and decided it was best he wasn't left with small children "It might be good for Viren too. He's got to be sick of playing with the girls all the time" And there it was. He was right "If you think it's for the best. I don't know. I didn't go to school" "Eren. It's not that I don't think you're a good mum" "Levi, everything you've said tells me that's exactly what you think. I do discipline Viren. I tell him I love him. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. And this... this was all ok. I was coping until my meds stopped. All this talking is just making me feel worse" "I just want to help" "You can't ok. You can't. This problem is inside me. I need to work on me and figure out how to fix me. Now. Let's just go home. Viren doesn't need us fighting" "We still need to go food shopping" "You should go with Viren. You don't get to come, but he loves it, and he'd love to go with you" "And what about you? That's cutting you out of the family again, and that's the kind of shit I'm trying to stop" Eren smiled a sad smile of defeat "If it makes him smile, then that's ok. He might not believe it, but if he's happy, than that's all that matters to me" "Why do you... how... fuck. This isn't what I fucking wanted. You're my mate. My love. My fiancée and my omega. I hate this" "I thought happy endings never meant having to be sad... but I love him, Levi. I love him more than I love life. His happiness is the only thing I could wish for. And besides, he loves you. Even if he doesn't want to admit he's anything like me, he's got good taste" "Do you... you know, still love me?" "With all my heart and soul" "Then how do I fix this?" "You stop blaming yourself. I go to the doctor on Friday and we go from there" "I don't think I can wait that long" "Well pushing the issue has only made us both upset. I can smell my own scent and it fucking stinks. I want to bring Viren home and take a bath" "Is that what you really want? Or is that what you think I want?" "It's what he wants. And I want what he wants, for him" Head butting his shoulder, Levi wrapped his arms around him "I don't fucking deserve you" "No. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you" "I don't know how we managed to make the most adorable shit in the world" Returning the hug felt like the right thing to do "I've taken some giant shits, and I promise you, it's nothing compared to giving birth" "Aren't you lucky we only have one. It'd be a shame if anything happened to that arse of yours" Eren hoped Levi didn't notice the way he tensed before forcing himself to relax and nod "Yeah... I guess if we're going to do this right, I won't be staying at Hanji's" "You can. If you need to" "Viren wouldn't be happy there. He really loves you" "God. I feel like an arsehole" "No. You're not. Blame the medication, I am" "I thought you were getting better, even without the pills" "You didn't sign up for this" "I'm your alpha. I didn't even feel it through our bond" Levi sniffled, Eren realising his neck was growing wet as his alpha cried... in the middle of the shopping centre. Levi wasn't an emotionally stunted robot but he also wasn't one to cry like this "I'm sorry. I think we should go home" "Yeah. We can shop online, if that's ok" "Yeah. I usually do"

[jadesaber]

SMG4: Hunger Glitch

”Hunger Glitch”

Part 3 of the ”Girls Weight Gain Saga”

Tari is owned by SMG4

In a appartment, sits a girl playing a game on her Nintendo Switch. She’s wearing a blue and white hoodie with markings so it looks like a bluejay bird, brown pants, white and blue socks, and brown slippers. She has a metal left arm, blue hair, purple eyes and pink cheeks.

Tari loves video games. She has been playing it for as long as she can remember. Which cause her to be social awkward and never made any friends. It wasn’t until she meet Mario, SMG4 and Meggy that she started to be more open. Now she’s apart of a gang of weird and crazy characters. She ows them alot.

Tari is right now playing online on Super Smash Each Other in The Ass Brothers Ultimate. She’s maining Yoshi. And it seems like she has won the match! She sighs and put down the controller. She has been playing for 8 hours.

”I need a drink” she said, she rose up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. She went to the fridge and opened it. She took out a glass of water.

”No... I want something with taste” she said to herself and put the glass ontop of the fridge, kinda badly as it looks like it’s about to fall down. Tari went in and picked up a Pepsi can.

”Perfect!” She closed the fridge door, but it causes the glass to start moving. Tari opened the can and drank a few sips. It was delicous. She had a hand on the fridge.

The glass fell down and split out the water, Tari saw the small wave of water, but she reacted to slow. She wasn’t fast enough to move her robot hand in time. The water hit her hand. Sparks started to come out as Tari started to do weird faces and body movements.

But she stoped and held her head. She felt dizzy. Then she heared a weird noise. She looked down and it came from her stomach, she was hungry. She looked at the clock and saw it was 14:50

”It’s time for lunch anyways” she said and opened her fridge again snd pick up a bag of hotdogs. She had later started a pot with boiling water and put down two hot dogs. But her stomach gurgled again.

”Maybe a little more wouldn’t hurt...” she said and... held all the hotdogs into the pot. A few minutes later, the hotdogs were ready. She eat one up. And another, and another. She ended up eating all of them. She patter her stomach while smiling. But suddenly, her stomach growled again? Tari looked concerned

”I’m still hungry?” She thought to herself confused. She went to the fridge and found a lasanga. She up it in the over for 40 minutes and eat a piece. Only to end up eating all of it. But her stomach was still growling. Tari was getting annoiyed by this and stood up, but she got alittle hurt by the table.

”That’s weird, I’m not that clo-” well what do you know, it’s her stomach who touched the table. Tari got frightend. He stomach had started to start a muffin top, like she had a deflated football in her stomach. But things got weirder. Like she was on auto-pilot, she went to the fridge and found a big microwave heatable turkey! She put it in the microwave and had it there for 20 minutes. While it was heating up. Tari looked at herself confused and scared.

”What’s... wrong with me?” Is all she could say. But she looked at her robot hand. She gasped in realization. She looked around for her phone and found it on the kitchen table. She grabed it and re-dailed the previous number.

Meanwhile, in Peach’s castle. SMG4, a Mario looking fellow with white overall snd Blue shirt and cap was on his Computer laughing at something, when his phone rang. He answered

”Hello?” Tari, on the other end shouted

”SMG4! I NEED YOUR HELP, NOW!”

”Whoa, slow down. What do you need help with?”

”I’ll explain later! Just get to my appartment, fast!” Tari hanged up before SMG4 could anwser. He shruged his soulders and went to his car.

Meanwhile with Tari, she was eating the turkey an rapid pase, not leaving any meat on the bone left, which effected her stomach again, it grew so it hanged over her waist, this also effected her boobs. Get got bigger! This made Tari terrified, but like her body was on autopilot, she grabed the phone and rang a pizza resturant.

Back to SMG4, he sighed in frustration.

”Stupid traffic!” He was stuck in a traffic. Proberly people who wanted to go home after a stressful day at work. Back to Tari’s appartment, someone was knocking the door. Tari opened the door, it was a pizza delivery man.

”Hey, did you order 40 pizzas?” He asked and 40 pizza boxes were outside her appartment, she moved like Sonic and had all the pizzas in her appartment snd closed the door

”What about pay?” He man asked. The door opend again and got a stack of dollors. Inside her appartment, her stomach was growling like crazy. She opened the pizza box and grabed two slices. She started to showed them into her mouth and as she chewed, she put in another one and another one.

”Hurry SMG4” she thoguht to herself worried ”I don’t know how much longer I can take”

30 Minutes Later...

SMG4 opened the appartment door.

”Hello? Tari?” He asked, but got no anwser ”Sorry it took do long, there was alot of traffic” He walked to the kitchen.

”So what was it you needed help wit- GOD LORD, MAN!” He shouted like Double D, to what he saw.

Many pizza boxes were opend and empited. Atleast 5 boxes were unopened. One was in the middle of being eaten by what seemed to like Tari. But she was Heavily different.

She seems to now weight 550 pounds! Her stomach was a big muffintop, her sides wide as heck, her legs big and squichy, her breasts had went from B-size to D-size. Butt humongus and her arms thicc and squichy, even her robot arm had gained that thiccness. She was the definition of a SSBBW woman. It was a miracle that her clotshs hadn’t been ripped apart. Tari looked at her friend, tears falling down on her checks that was full with pizza. She swallowed and thank god her chins wasn’t effected

”Help me...” she said, and then went back to her eating. SMG4 was dumbfolded by what he saw said

”Well, you can just stop!”

”I can’t!”

”Why not?”

”I think I have a glitch!” SMG4 raised an eyebrow. ”A Glitch? How?” He asked. Tari swallowed and pointed at her robot hand. And then went for another pizza slice.

”I spilled water on my arm. My arm is hooked up to my brain, when I spilled the water, it must have crashed my instincts. I’m incredibly hungry, and my body is literly on auto-pilot! I need you to stop me, before I actually start eating people!”

”... Yeah we don’t want that!” SMG4 looked around and made a glas of water.

”Maybe it will be fixed if we spill water a second time!” He threw the glas at Tari’s arm. Like the first time, Tari’s hand zaped as she made weird faces and poses, but then she jumped up in the air and crashed into the table. It broke, and SMG4 was send up flying and then landed on his ass.

”OW, my ass!” He scratched his ass and stood up. Tari opend her eyes and... grabed an entire pizza! And then she took a huge bite on it!! While she was chewing, she started to cry again.

”Ugh, no, you made it worse!” She cried, as she took another chunk of the pizza. SMG4 looked around fracticly, when he found a taser in his pocket!

”I know! I’ll zap you untill you shut down!”

”Wait-” Tari wasn’t able to say much as she was zaped by the taser. Her flapps wiggled up and down and everything went dark for Tari.

Text appeared that said ”Virus Fixed” Tari opened her eyes. She was sitting and leaning to a wall, she had her flest hand resting on her gigantiska belly, she looked to the left and saw her now thicc robot arm was hooked up to a Calle that lead to a laptop, SMG4 looked at her.

”I found this Virus caple and thought I could help you. Felling hungry?” SMG4 said and asked. Tari had her arms on her giant belly, it didn’t grow. Neither did she feel hungry.

”No... thanks” Tari said. She then put her arms at the wall, and slowly climed up. She then pushed and tried to get balance. She was able to do it. But she looked sad as she touched her belly again. She did not like this at all... SMG4 felt bad for her

”Come one” SMG4 said ”Let’s get to Peach Castle so we can discuss this with the others. Tari got terrified.

”WHAT? NO! I can’t go out like... this!?!” She pointed at herself. SMG4 scratched his mustache. Then he got an idea. Later, SMG4 was driving a car, that was draging a big open cart. Something was covered works giant purple blanket, inside was Tari. She was holding her rubber duckie, Archibald. Tari is looking depressed

”At least no one else is in my situation...” she thought to herself

To Be Continued...

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

Relationship Tag - Dorian x Da’Fen

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Da’Fen, but he raises his voice whether he’s happy or angry. Dorian prefers to get quiet. Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither, because they feel it is an “unworthy” threat to make  Who actually keeps their word and leaves? N/A  Do either of them get physical? If really pressed, Dorian may grab at his own hair or grab Da’Fen by the arm, but other than that, no.  How often do they argue/disagree? Rarely  Who is the first to apologise? Dorian, but that’s because he says it immediately after stepping out of line. He’s conscientious of himself and his more venomous side and tries not to let it touch Da’Fen if at all possible.

Sex:

Who is on top? I headcanon Dorian as a vers, but with Da’Fen he’s a top 90% of the time  Who is on the bottom? Da’Fen is an enthusiastic bottom.  Who has the strangest desires? Da’Fen is really fixated on Dorian’s nipples for some reason. He likes to suckle them long enough for it to seem a bit obsessive, like “Okay, darling? As far as I’m aware, I haven’t begun lactating. Could you j-u-u-u-s-t --” *pries Da’Fen’s head from chest with a POP* “--Ah! There we are.”  Any kinks? Dorian mentioned in-game that he looks good in rope, so there’s that...Both are really into praise kink, whether it’s themselves or each other. Da’Fen loves/hates tease & denial. Dorian likes making Da’Fen beg and overstimulating him. Dorian also likes worshipping Da’Fen’s body because he is a lithe little thing reminiscent of the nude busts found in Tevinter (Roman youth sculpture reference!)  Who’s dominant in bed? Dorian  Is head ever in the equation? Almost always  If so, who is better at performing it? Dorian, only because of age and practice. Da’Fen has so much fun he often ends up giggling and has to stop.  Ever had sex in public? No. Dorian doesn’t want to ruin Da’Fen’s reputation any more than he has.  Who moans the most? Da’Fen.  Who leaves the most marks? Dorian  Who screams the loudest? Da’Fen  Who is the more experienced of the two? Dorian by far  Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Da’Fen views all sex with Dorian as making love but for Dorian himself he is coming to terms with the fact that this relationship with Da’Fen is different from what ever affairs he managed to snag in bath houses and taverns as a young man  Rough or soft? Da’Fen allows Dorian to pound him into the mattress once in awhile because “primal” is usually what Dorian wants, but Dorian understands that Da’Fen is a bit more delicate and needs something a bit more … touchy-feely. He’s totally fine with supplying that, and he likes being able to love a lover in all the ways that word entails.  How long do they usually last? Foreplay varies between just a few kisses and lube to really drawing it out – 5 – 20 minutes.    Is protection used? No. Shame shame shame.  Does it ever get boring? Da’Fen treats every round of sex like a new adventure so even the most tried and true maneuvers and techniques are still made fresh with Da’Fen’s bright eyes and eagerness.  Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? A small nook in the Archives, if it was at all possible.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? Da’Fen so so so so much.  Who is the little spoon? Da’Fen. Yes, I hug you and now you must cuddle ME in return.  Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Dorian, honestly.  Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Da’Fen. He must. Hug. Everyone.  How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Da’Fen can cuddle indefinitely. Dorian can go for an hour or so and then needs to move around.  Who gives the most kisses? Da’Fen gives the most friendly kisses. Dorian gives the most loving, deeply emotional kisses.  What is their favourite non-sexual activity? For Da’Fen it’s hunting and exploring the forest. For Dorian it’s research and drinking.  Where is their favourite place to cuddle? For Dorian it’s in bed, naturally. For Da’Fen it’s literally any place where there’s a warm body.  Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?  Dorian, but he does it discreetly

Sleeping:

Who snores? Dorian, but only if he’s drunk a lot that night.  Do they share a bed or sleep separately? Da’Fen can’t conceive of sleeping alone. He has always slept with someone, whether his mother or another clan member, very close by. If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Da’Fen is glued to Dorian like a koala

Who talks in their sleep? Da’Fen. It never used to happen but ever since he and Solas gained a connection in the Fade, snippets of their conversations can be heard spoken by Da’Fen in the waking world.  What do they wear to bed? Dorian goes nude in the summer time or wears a tunic in winter. Da’Fen wears a makeshift fundoshi sort of deal. Dorian was floored to learn it was in fact his sleepwear and not some gimmick to try to seduce him.  Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? The day Dorian doesn’t wrap his arms around Da’Fen to hold him close while they sleep is the day Da’Fen figures they’ve stopped loving each other.  Who wakes up with bed hair? Dorian. It’s always styled before breakfast, though.  Who wakes up first? Depends. Da’Fen is used to waking up at 5 AM (7 AM at the latest) to help his clan with chores and that didn’t stop when he became part of the Inquisition. But since becoming Inquisitor he’s had some run-ins with some dangerous and harmful entities that have put him to sleep on numerous occasions. Essentially, unless it knocks him out cold and puts him out of commission, he is getting up before Dorian.  Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Da’Fen tries his best.  What is their favourite sleeping position? On their own: Da’Fen sleeps on his side hugging a pillow. Dorian sleeps on his stomach with his arms bent upwards.  Who hogs the sheets? Da’Fen  Who has nightmares? Dorian sometimes has recurring dreams of that night he left his family estate. He also has dreams of Da’Fen becoming seriously injured and being helpless to stop it.  Who has ridiculous dreams? Da’Fen dreams up a lot of weird shit, mostly harmless, but very bizarre in trying to explain it.  Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?  Dorian, sometimes.  Who makes the bed? Neither, but if it has to be done, then both will make it because they figure that holding each other accountable is better than holding one person to do the job.  What time is bed time? 11 PM, but for Dorian it could be 2 AM  Any routines/rituals before bed? Teeth brushing, Da’Fen writing down any lingering thoughts he has that ‘can be answered tomorrow, amatus—please, come to bed’ just so he won’t forget them.  Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Dorian, especially if it’s before 10 AM (which it always is)

Home:

Who does the washing? Da’Fen for his own clothes (out of habit). Dorian has a maid do his clothes cuz Da’Fen still doesn’t quite understand “dry clean only”  Who takes out the trash? Da’Fen  Who does the ironing? Da’Fen: ??? You just let it dry and put it on? Dorian: Maid  Who does the cooking? Da’Fen  Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Da’Fen  Who is messier?  Da’Fen  Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Da’Fen  Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Da’Fen  Who forgets to flush the toilet? Da’Fen  Who is the prankster around the house? Da’Fen  Who does the groceries? Both of them together. They know what they themselves want to eat and they always only remember their half of the shopping list.  Who takes the longest to shower? Dorian. Double time if Da’Fen decides to hop in.  Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Dorian. Gotta make that hair look luscious.

Miscellaneous:

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Dorian drinks, researches, attends get-togethers with his fellow snobs, listens to Classical, Disco, and Salsa records. Da’Fen is somewhere in the brush climbing trees or anything climbable or visiting family out in the boonies.  Who spends the most money when out shopping? Dorian. He has very expensive tastes  Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Dorian (purposely), Da’Fen (innocently)  Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Dorian  Any mental issues? Dorian is a borderline alcoholic. Da’Fen has major ADD  Who’s terrified of bugs? Neither are terrified, but Dorian is a bit more unnerved by large ones. Da’Fen just thinks they’re interesting.  Who kills the spiders around the house? Dorian kills them, Da’Fen sets them free outside  Their favourite place? One of the numerous cafes in Val Royeaux  Do they have any fears for their future? Dorian wants the relationship to last forever and fears it’s just a temporary thing. Da’Fen worries about Dorian worrying.  Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Dorian  Who uses up all of the hot water? Dorian  Who’s the tallest? Dorian  Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Da’Fen  Who wanders around in their underwear? Dorian rarely wears it except when he knows company is around. Da’Fen spends the first hour of the day making multiple trips everywhere trying to get ready, putting pants on last cuz he always forgets those.  Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Da’Fen  What do they tease each other about? Da’Fen teases Dorian about worrying about things like his hair and clothes not looking right. Dorian teases Da’Fen about being a baby because he’s much shorter, younger, and childish than him  Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Dorian does not understand Da’Fen’s insistence on “comfort over couture.” Excuse me, what?  Do they have mutual friends? Both consider Sera to be mutual friends.  Who crushed first? Dorian  Any alcohol or substance related problems? Dorian has a problem with alcohol. He’s a functioning borderline alcoholic, the kind that is acceptable and expected in high society, but when he’s depressed he really lets himself go.  Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Dorian  Who swears the most? Dorian. Da’Fen can swear, it’s just he doesn’t feel the need to.

[rusticpumpkin-blog]

Beyond Love | Paul Lahote | 1 |

Kathryn Swan was a girl who loved her family but in a matter of seconds, her old life was taken away from her. Broken and permanently scarred she moves in with the only family she has left her uncle Charlie. Now she's faced with changes she didn't even think possible.

A Paul Lahote love story.

(This takes place 2 years after the end of breaking dawn pt 2)

|Previous|----|Next|

Everything is exactly the same way I remember it being 5 years ago, from the way the furniture in the living room was positioned to the stacks of VHS tapes that were under the TV in the entertainment center. It kind of hurt the way that things are so constant here. Like nothing happened. But that was the way it was Bella had warned me about it, nothing here changes, it never does.

It still rains too much, making everything seem dismal even in the house that had dim lights that were probably older than me. I scoffed at the thought because I knew that couldn’t be true… about all of the bulbs in the house anyway.

There were old photos on the wall that seemed to have been recently dusted of Bella, Aunt Renee, and Uncle Charlie hung up probably years and years ago before Rene left and went somewhere sunny. Somewhere like where I came from. Even the bright smiles in most of the photos that I still remembered from my childhood weren’t enough to make the room any lighter but maybe that was just me… it’s been hard lately.  

"Bellas old room?" I sighed as Charlie walked in behind me having some issues with the suitcase he offered to carry for me, it was mostly clothes, a few art supplies but the size of it and the muddy ground that he didn’t want it to touch was what made it difficult.

He nodded out of breath, "I'm goin to order a pizza the drive back took longer than I thought it would." He said sitting the luggage down so I could grab the handle and wheel it towards the stairs.

I nodded pizza sounded good, something quick and easy that doesn’t make awkward dinner table conversations obligatory. "Is there anything that you won't eat?" He asked I could tell that this change was going to be awkward for him, but he was trying harder than he wanted me to realize. So I decided that I'm going to try to make this whole situation as easy as possible, for both of us.

"Not really, sardines but if you want them I can just pick them off." I shrugged as he handed me my other duffel bag and I started up the stairs. "No one eats sardines and enjoys it." He said trying to make a joke and I laughed at it, even though it sucked.

"In the morning we can run out and get things that you might need if you want." He offered. "I'm not a morning person." I muttered shrugging before continuing, "But thanks for the offer, I think I'm good. If I figure anything that I really need I'll let you know." I assured him, he nodded seeming to understand that I just wanted to go to bed and I was thankful for that.

Bella's old room is smaller than the one I had back at home. like everything in this house from the magnates on the fridge to the boots lined on the wall by the front door, everything in here was in the same place too.

I was too tired to think about rearranging anything tonight, I just dropped my bags on the bare bed and pulled out a pair of sweats and a tank top so that i could go do that thing that over the past few months I've grown to hate.

It’s not that I actually dislike showering but I hate the 'avoid the mirror' game. I had to do it because I would get sick every time I saw myself and what I've been reduced to.

While I was in the hospital and the aftermath of the accident, I've lost almost 50 pounds. I was, to be honest at a healthy weight for my height, the greatest shape I've been in in my life. But the way my once vivid icy grey eyes that I once prided myself on as being my best feature were now dim and gaunt, I had dark circles under them, from a mixture of sleepless and nightmare filled nights. I looked just as sick as I felt when I saw the rest of my skin.

The scars were the worst part, they were what made me really want to not look. They made me hate my own skin but being dragged behind a flipped car on the asphalt for about 50 feet will do that too someone. It could definitely be worse, I could be dead too.

Without even realizing it I was doing it again, staring. That's how I know its hard for other people not to, if I cant not look how can I expect anyone else to?

They ranged from a little over 2 inches wide on my left arm and leg to about 10 inches wide on my side and hip, thick slightly raised scars going down the left side of my body. My head wasn't even untouched, most of my left ear is gone. I have a scar going down my jaw and even light places on my cheek the 'lucky' part about those is that they were light, so makeup would help but nothing would ever take them all the way away. Unless I wanted to get surgery which considering how long I spent at the hospital before meant it wasn’t going to happen for a long time, if at all.

My tawny brown hair was the only thing that really hasn't changed all that much. There was a small patch around my ear that no longer grew and a portion around my ear that had to be buzzed off so I could get staples to hold my scalp shut. My hair looked just as dreary as my eyes it made me look unhealthy but being unhealthy meant I was still alive.

I was lucky

After my shower, I knew the pizza was probably here but I was too tired to care about the rumbling in my stomach at this point. I walked to what was now my room across the hall and lay down on the bed. I had every intention of getting up and going to find a pillow and blanket for myself from the hall closet but I was asleep before I had the chance.

…

I sat a week later, at the kitchen table sipping my coffee and scrolling through my social media feed. Even with me gone all of my friends were still able to function as proper 18-year-olds. Having fun and going to parties without me like it wasn't any different. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't hurt that I haven't even gotten any text messages telling me how much they miss me or to check in on me but it is what it is. Things outside of this place change and this is just one of them.

I don't expect to have ‘friends’ until I start working which I don't know how long that's going to be. There are only a few family own businesses in this little town and none of them are hiring right now anyway.

Charlie says that I don't need to worry about working or a job but I do. I don't want to be a financial burden on him after the insurance money stops. If I had been 18 before all this, I wouldn't even have had to move in with him period.

Charlie's been nothing but supportive. In his own awkward way, Bella thinks that its because he's happy that he's not living alone anymore. But I still kinda get the ‘I’m going to be super nice because of the hard time you’ve been having’ vibe off of him.

Speaking of Bella, I haven't got to see her yet. She's went with her own family on a trip to Africa… I think anyway I can't say 100% that I remember what she told me.

My whole life here has been nothing but a haze considering the nightmares have only gotten worse with the change of scenery. More vivid and realistic but it helps me wake up sooner I guess so there's that. I know that Charlie is concerned about them but there's nothing that I can do short of not sleeping at all. Which is what I do if I can help it even if that bothers him too.

"I thought you weren't a morning person." Charlie said walking in and confusing me because I thought he had left for work earlier but he was dressed in a flannel and jeans instead of his police uniform. Thinking about it, since I’ve been here I don’t remember ever seeing him in anything else, it was weird like seeing a teacher in public or something.  

"Couldn't sleep." I muttered shrugging.

"Do you have any plans for today?" He asked knowing full well that I didn't. He just wanted to know if it was ok with me if I got out of the house, which I have yet to do, in a polite way.

"No, whats up?" I asked not looking up from my phone a stale meme looking really interesting all of a sudden.

"A friend of mine is having a barbeque out on the beach in La Push.” He said referring to the Native American reservation that was a 20-minute drive away from here.

"Sounds fun, I love seeing old dudes cook on a grill and argue about football," I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.

"Fireworks and a bonfire, there will be other kids around your age there." He said as if attempting to sell me on the idea, he wasn’t doing a good job, kids my age are assholes. "You remember Jacob Black?" He asked me the name did ring a bell. "I think so," I said remembering a lanky copper skinned boy with pants that were never quite long enough for him but he was always shorter than me. "The kid that you and Bella used to play with." He added attempting to jog my memory.

"That skinny kid?" I scoffed making him bark out a laugh. "Yeah, he's not little anymore." He sighed in a way that made it sound like Jake had gained weight. "Quill and Embry live out there still too?" I asked remembering them too, we’d all been in our own little pack, fighting imaginary sea monsters at the beach (Mostly just clumps of seaweeds that had washed up from high tide).

He nodded. "Alright, I'll be ready in like 2 minutes," I said jogging up stairs.

[xxsteveharringtonxx]

Him & I [Steve Harrington x Reader] pt 3

Plot: You’re Carol’s best friend, but naturally you’re close with Steve seeing as neither of you are really bad people like Tommy and Carol are. Things never got romantic between you and Steve purely because you were afraid to tell him how you feel, and you didn’t really tell anyone because even your best friend is a bit of a bitch. However when Steve starts dating Nancy and literally drops you and the others you cant really help but feel abandoned once you realised you weren’t putting up with Tommy and Steve because of Carol you were actually putting up with Tommy and Carol because of Steve. Set after season one.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Him and I

Part Three

“So, my question is, how have you managed to survive a whole year with Carol and Tommy without snapping already?” Steve asked knowing it would make you smile, the two of you were sprawled out on his living room floor as you picked at the pizza you were sharing. 

“Well I pretty much avoided them as much as possible outside of school, so guess it wasn’t that hard to get over the fact that they are complete ass holes. The worst part is people just hating me by association you know?” You asked looking up at him as he nodded along chewing on some pizza. 

“Totally understandable, you’d be surprised what people really think of you. Everyone knows you were in too deep I wouldn’t worry about it.” He reassured as you sent him a tight lipped smile.

“I’m more worried about what they’re going to do. I’ve had a drink thrown at me, Billy calling me a slut because I won’t sleep with him, I mean where even is the logic in that?!” You exclaimed making him chuckle but look at you pretty seriously. 

“I can talk to him? Or at least try to. It’s not cool what he’s doing to you.” Steve tried to talk you into it again, he mentioned it earlier too. 

“No Steve, honestly I know how they work. They’ll get bored soon enough I just need to keep my head down and stay out of their way.” You said in the bravest voice you could muster as he watched you with slight admiration.

“Don’t you think you’ve put up with enough of their shit?” He asked as you smirked up at him.

“Sure I have, so a week or so more won’t kill me. I’ll be fine. Just gotta get used to finally being my own person. It worked out for you didn’t it?” You asked as he sighed. 

“Yeah totally but I had Nance, it was different. But you have me now so I’ll look out for you just like old times I promise.” He stated holding out his pinky and you chuckled as you wrapped your smaller one around his and shook it for good measure. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about Nancy. I heard what happened and uh I suppose you’ve got me now too so if you ever need to talk I’m your girl.” You told him honestly, and maybe getting close again might stir up all those old feelings but you were his friend first. 

“Thanks but I’m okay. It hurts a little but I knew for a while it wasn’t right. Jonathan-” You cut him off shaking your head, he was fiddling with his hands and you knew he did that when he was either nervous, angry or sad and right now you couldn’t figure out which one it was but you knew he didn’t want to talk about it just yet. 

“You don’t have too, the whole school has been talking about so if you’d rather not right now, just know whenever you are ready I’m here.” He sent you a look you couldn’t decipher, and one he’d sent you a few times years back but never got to the bottom of. You were cleaning up the plates in Steve’s kitchen when you heard a pounding on the door, and urgent one making you flinch. 

“Dustin, what the hell?” You heard Steve burst as a bundle of curls came into your vision from the kitchen sink.

“Steve, thank God your home I need your help!” The young boy yelled making you raise an eyebrow.

“Look dude-” The boy hadn’t seen you yet and cut Steve off with another breathless rant. 

“I haven’t got anyone else okay? I have a baby demogorgon in my basement and I need your help! Everyone, and I mean everyone down to Nancy and Jonathan are no where to be found you were my last option believe me.” He said grabbing Steve’s coat and throwing at him before heading back towards the front door when he finally noticed me.

“Hi.” I mumbled making the boy look back at Steve. 

“Son of bitch Harrington, I swear Nancy is out of the picture for two seconds and-” This time you cut him off by interrupting. 

“We’re just friends it isn’t like that!” You told him making Steve’s shoulders deflate at little from the rigid stance he’d gained at the boy’s mention of Nancy.

“Okay well can your friend go?” He asked Steve offending massively, maybe it wasn’t intentional but you felt the stab anyway.  

“Hey dickhead, you were the one barging in here like you own the place no she can’t just go!” Steve defended but you shook your head. 

“No, no I can it’s fine my car is right out front.” You rushed as you grabbed your coat. “Wait did you say demogorgon? From Dungeons and Dragons? Are you playing some kind of game?” You asked as everything processed in your brain and suddenly the boy broke out into a grin.

“Hey she’s pretty cool, good job Steve.” He was slowly starting to redeem himself as he warmed up to you before realising what was really going on.

“Hold on, she’s got a point are you being serious? Like actually serious?” Steve asked suddenly growing impatient. 

“Yes! You think I would ride my bike all the way over here if I wasn’t serious!” He yelled at Steve making you frown. 

“You guys are taking this game way too seriously.” You mumbled making Steve look increasingly worried.

“Maybe you should head home Y/N, and I’ll call you in the morning?” He suggested making you nod as he helped you put your coat on. 

“Okay sure? Erm have fun?” You said as more of question seriously confused as to why they were taking a game so seriously, this town was weird but sometimes the people were weirder. 

It took Steve pretty much all morning to finally call you and when he did you didn’t expect him to invite you out with him and Dustin. 

“What? Really? Am I part of the game now?” You asked half teasingly and half really confused making him chuckle. 

“It’s a pretty long story but me and the kid need help and well out of everyone in this town I trust you the most, so pick you up in 20?” He asked making you blush and smile. 

“Sure, uh yeah okay sure I’ll be ready.” You stated ready for whatever today was going to throw at you. 

“Awesome. Do you have an axe or crow bar by any chance?” He asked seriously making you think back to your dad’s old tool shed and envision the axe hanging on the wall that he used for hunting.

“Yeah I have an axe.” You replied.

“Perfect. Bring it.” Raising your eye brows as you heard the dial tone it took you a second to jump into action and run out to the shed where you plucked the axe off the wall and shoved it into a backpack and bag into the house to put on your jacket ready for Steve. 

Sitting out on the front wall where you’d always wait for him to pick you up you involuntarily smiled at the sight of his red BMW, climbing into the back with a sigh you glanced up at the two boys in the front who were already looking at you. 

“So, where are we going?” You asked before remembering the axe. “Oh and is this okay?” You asked holding it up to see Steve smiling proudly at you as Dustin looked a little shocked.

“You were right Steve, she’s awesome.” He announced making you chuckle and put the axe back.

“So are you going to fill me in?” You asked again hinting that you were still totally confused on where you were supposed to be going and Steve caught your eye in the mirror as Dustin turned to you with a smile. 

“It all started last year..” 

***

“So let me get this straight you kept something you totally knew was dangerous to impress some girl you’ve just met?” You asked avoiding the chunks of meat Dustin was throwing behind him as Steve looked at you sharing a look of honest disbelief.

“Alright Y/N that’s grossly over simplifying things.” He fought back as Steve backed you up.

“Why would a girl like some nasty slug anyway?” He asked making you look at Dustin for a response. 

“An inter-dimensional slug? Because it’s awesome!” He defended making you shrug a little. 

“I mean I’m a tiny bit interested to see it I guess.” You chimed as Steve shook his head at you with a chuckle.

“Well even if she thinks it’s cool, which she doesn’t.” He gave you a look and you shrugged once again falling into step next to Dustin. “I don’t know I just think you’re trying way too hard man.” He advised as you looked up at him not agreeing, the kid was thirteen, an inter-dimensional slug is as exciting as it gets at that age. 

“Not everyone can have your perfect hair okay?” Dustin then said as your heart broke for him, he’s only young it’s tough at that age.

“It’s not about the hair man, the key with girls is just I don’t know acting like you don’t care.” Steve told him as you kept your mouth shut not wanting to ruin their guy time, however you still disagreed with what Steve was saying.

“What even if you do?” He asked the older boy innocently. 

“Yeah exactly it drives em nuts.” Steve said which automatically made you zone out, you didn’t particularly want to listen to him preaching about girl logic however wrong it was you weren’t interested. 

Until you heard your name.

“Yeah she seems pretty special, what about Y/N?” Dustin asked making you look up to Steve who knew you wasn’t listen and he smirked at you. 

“Y/N, she’s different. There are some girls who see right through your shit, and when you know, you know.” Smiling at him Dustin turned and looked at you with a huge grin which made your heart melt as the little curly kid started to grow on you. 

“And when your hair is damp, not wet! Damp, then you use four puffs of the Farrah Fawcett spray...” Scoffing with laughter at Steve’s words he glared at you as Dustin also shared an amused glance with you.

“Farrah Fawcett?” He questioned with amusement and curiosity laced in his tone. 

“Yeah I mean she’s hot.” Steve hummed looking back at you and winking as you blushed red remembering your Halloween costume from just a few nights ago. Maybe hanging out with Steve today wasn’t such a bad idea, regardless of whether or not you really were hunting inter-dimensional creatures you still weren’t entirely sure existed. 

[ayearofpike]

The Last Vampire 4: Phantom

Pocket Books, 1996 179 pages, 20 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-55030-6 LOC: CPB Box no. 357 vol. 4 OCLC: 34651186 Released May 28, 1996 (per B&N)

Sita wakes up from her miraculous transformation ready to start a new life as a human. Even more miraculous: Ray, the resurrection of her long-passed husband, has somehow survived his terrible demise and is human again as well. She’s excited to be normal with him, renting a house, making friends, and having a baby. Only the baby progresses at a supernormal rate, and has the same powers and appetites Sita had as a vampire. They’ll soon find out she’s much more than that, though.

This was a storyline that I’d totally forgotten about until I read the back-of-the-book copy. Sita has a baby! The baby is a monster! The book ends on a realistic cliffhanger! Only reading all of these in one shot do I realize that here’s your goddamn Cold One II: Seedling right here. I mean, look at it: the lady is impregnated by an undead monster and gives birth to a precocious and beautiful dark-haired child named after the Hindu goddess of death, and what happens next? Pike claims he’s not going to tell us, but Last Vampire 4 and 5 got you, G.

Also, I neglected to mention this in the last entry, but you probably noticed: Not only have they done away with the horrible die-cut letters on the covers, but now they’re not even faking it anymore. I imagine that the cover artist (and maybe Pike too) got annoyed that they were hiding most of the artwork in an inside flap that people weren’t even inclined to flip to now that it didn’t peek through the letters. (The Lost Mind and The Visitor both had actual full cover art, hidden on another piece of cover stock just inside the front cover, with what would have previously peeked through printed on the letters. Maybe I should go back and shoot those, plus the ones inside the die-cut covers, for this blog. Let me try to catch up with the reading first, though.)

The story itself starts right where the last one left off, as has become par for the course in TLV so far. Yeah, dig it: since Sita first murdered a detective in Oregon, maybe six weeks have passed up to the beginning of this story. She’s awakened from her transformation nap by pounding on the door, along with a familiar sounding voice that is not Seymour (the only one living who is supposed to know who and where she is). She doesn’t answer, and the knocker goes away, but a little while later Seymour does show up. He’s bummed that Sita has given up her immortality, but excited at what it means that she’s a human about his age. Like, maybe she won’t make him a vampire, but maybe now they’ll get down. It’s not that far-fetched a wish, I guess, considering she is more truthful and thorough in talking to him than she is anyone else (and probably more than anyone else Seymour knows), but still. Dude.

They have to get out of Dodge, though, because Sita doesn’t know who’s still alive and trying to reach her. They drive to LA and set up in a hotel, and after Seymour falls asleep Sita goes for one of her customary nighttime walks. As per usual, she gets accosted by some scum of the earth who plan to rape and kill her, and as per usual she lets them catch her. Only — oh yeah! She doesn’t have her vampire powers and abilities anymore. What she does have is a pistol, and she uses it to cap both would-be attackers in the head. How is this better than crushing skulls and drinking blood? Sita doesn’t think it is. In fact, she has a breakdown walking back to the hotel and has to take a break in a coffee shop to try to get her wits.

And all of a sudden Ray walks in. How is this possible? Last time we saw Ray, he was lighting a stream of gasoline on fire — a stream that was pouring directly on him. He tells Sita that in the time between the explosion and when she murdered New Vampire, the latter had gathered up the scattered pieces of Ray and reassembled them, trying to bring him back to life by feeding him blood. Sounds fake, seeing as New Vampire would have only had two days to do this, yet here is Ray. He also tells Sita that it was him knocking on the door in Vegas, and after she left he went in and found the crystal setup and laid in it himself, so now he’s human again too. She tells him what just happened, and obviously he wants to get her out and clear of the area. But what about Seymour? Sita’s already told him to go home, and Ray says if she just bails maybe he’ll get the point.

So she gathers up her crap without waking him and goes with Ray all the way to ... Whitter. Yeah, almost 30 miles from where she killed two guys, that should be far enough, right? They build their normal life together, and it’s two months later that Sita discovers she’s pregnant. She meets another heavily pregnant woman while shopping for baby books, a single mom-to-be who works in a nearby Catholic church for whom Sita finds an instant affinity. But they can’t hang out too much right away, because Sita’s pregnancy goes way faster than it should. In fact, even though she wasn’t showing at all when they met in the bookstore, she has a full-term baby five days later, a baby with an unusual calmness and coldness. Sita names her Kalika without even thinking about it: “she who destroys.”

The baby grows fast, too. Two days later, she’s a year mature and biting open Sita’s nipples to drink blood instead of milk. Looks like two ex-vampires couldn’t help but give birth to a vampire after all. It’s not too long before Sita can’t handle it, and they’re not sure what to do. Ray suggests that Sita go lure in a source of food with her feminine wiles. Which is weird to her, because a) he was always the squeamish one about drinking blood and b) he flat-out refuses to even try to get someone himself. So Sita ends up at a nearby park, where she cons one of the basketball players into following her home and inside on the pretense that her violent ex sometimes breaks in. Once she’s got him inside, it’s a small matter to knock him out and tie him up, even though that fucker Ray still doesn’t show up to help. 

She has to go out to get supplies to drain blood for Kalika, as it’s not so easy as ripping open a vein and healing it with a drop of her own blood anymore. While she’s out, she calls Seymour, who is pissed about being ditched but still listens as she tells him what’s been happening. He’s not sold on the ethical justification going on — is her child’s life, a potentially destructive new force, worth Sita messing with her new human karma to hunt food? Only problem: a daughter is the one thing in the world that Sita has wanted since she was taken from hers five thousand years ago, and she can’t just let her die. So they’re left at an impasse, and Sita goes home to drain a cup of B-Baller’s blood for Kalika, who chugs it and immediately wants more.

She has to leave the house after feeding the baby, but where to go? She first prays to Krishna at the spot where she sunk the original vampire in the ocean, then ends up at the Catholic church to pray some more. Her buddy shows up and accepts that Sita can’t talk about her problem right now, but promises to be an ear when she’s ready. Then she leaves, and Sita curls up in a pew, where she has the purple-spaceship dream again. This time Krishna tells her a parable of only doing what we’re asked by God, and not feeling like we have to sacrifice everything of ourselves to feel like we’re properly giving to our faith. 

Three more days pass, and Kalika is now basically five. She wants to go find another source of food, as B-Baller is weaker by the day and not able to fully sate her hunger. She tells Sita to go pick up a dude at a nightclub and she’ll tag along in the backseat and do what needs to be done. At the club, she meets a lawyer who invites her back to his place, only when she gets there she smells the decay of death. Obviously this dude has had other victims. They get into a scrap, but Sita left her gun in the car and has to rely on her martial arts, which don’t help when Not-Laywer pulls his own gun and gains the upper hand. Lucky for Sita, Kalika walks in right at this moment, and totally ruins Not-Lawyer’s shit.

So now Kalika can hunt her own food, and five more days pass, by which time she’s the same apparent age as Sita (as in, they both look about twenty, not five thousand). So Sita wants to let B-Baller go, but she’s afraid he’s going to run straight to the cops. Neither Kalika nor Ray wants to leave where they are, as they are weirdly invested in New Friend’s coming baby. Ray says she should just kill B-Baller, which is more proof that whatever has made him alive now has drastically changed who he is. Conveniently, a pair of cops show up right at this moment looking for B-Baller, on a tip that he was seen here last. As Sita is trying to figure out how to non-suspiciously turn them away, Kalika says she saw him nearby and offers to show the cops where. And that’s two more bodies that will never be found.

The phone rings just then, and it’s New Friend, in serious labor. Sita takes her to a fancy hospital rather than the nearby one, I guess trying to hide the baby as much as possible, and eight hours later a boy is born — a boy with lots of hair and a peaceful demeanor and no name, as New Friend has never thought of one and doesn’t seem to think this is weird. And then! Sita. Calls. Home. If she’s trying to hide, she sure is doing a shitty job of it. Kalika answers and demands to know where the baby is. Sita says no, so Kalika gives the phone to B-Baller and lets Sita listen as she gruesomely murders him. Like this is going to make Sita more inclined to introduce Kalika to a BABY. But then! Kalika puts Seymour on the phone. What the fuck is Seymour doing here? Apparently Kalika called him and said he needed to come right away. This is an important person in Sita’s world, so she makes a deal: she’ll bring the baby to the end of Santa Monica Pier in 24 hours.

Obviously Sita has no intention of doing this. She does get the baby out of the nursery, and while the nurse’s back is turned she swipes his blood sample. Then she takes him to New Friend and asks for the circumstances of her friend’s pregnancy, because all signs are pointing to this not being a normal baby. It seems that New Friend was out praying in the desert one night, when a bright blue light shot out of the sky and overwhelmed all her senses until she blacked out and woke up in the morning, still in the desert, untouched but feeing larger. A god? Maybe, but it’s becoming more crucial that New Friend become scarce. Sita tells her to take the baby and a stack of money and run. Sita doesn’t want to know where they’re going, but she gives New Friend a phone number to call in a month. Meanwhile, she has to figure out how to face Kalika.

What if she was a vampire again? That’s stupid, there’s no more vampires. But there is an ice-cream truck around the block from the warehouse she burned down a couple months ago, one where Original Vampire was held captive and tortured. Miraculously, it’s still there, and a homeless dude has kept it running and freezing, seemingly knowing she was coming back for it. There’s a nice big glob of frozen blood just inside the door, and she sticks it in a thermos and drives back to Vegas, planning to use the old alchemist’s setup to reverse her transformation and be able to fight again.

Guess who followed her, though? It’s Ray! Although he didn’t so much “follow her” as he has “been a product of her human imagination and a wish-fulfillment fantasy.” Yep — Krishna’s teachings and concerns about being able to give up desires as illusion have manifested in this ghost that Sita has been so convinced is her love. But what is Kalika then? Apparently she did bang the alchemist that night in her hotel room (Pike does hint at this after all in TLV3 — I thought he specifically excluded it), and his lingering humanity mixed with what he got of her vampirism was enough to create the fetus. But now Sita knows that Ray isn’t what she wants, and she has to banish her illusion. She has to kill him. So he hands her a knife, and she stabs him through the heart, and there’s gore and anguish and screaming and then he’s gone, along with any blood, any body, any trace of him having been there.

There’s an unnecessary chapter where Sita tells B-Baller’s parents about his fate, but then we learn more about her transformation. Specifically: it worked, better than she could have expected. Now that she’s operating from purely the blood aura of Original Vampire, she’s even stronger and more aware than before. But beyond that — maybe because she impulsively dripped in a couple drops of the baby’s blood — she feels like fortune will turn things her way. Let’s find out.

She finds Seymour and Kalika at the pier and talk about the nature and necessity of killing. To Kalika, it doesn’t matter, because the soul will be reborn until it’s ready to reach nirvana. Sita doesn’t see it that way: if there’s no reason to kill, it’s cruel, never mind the ultimate end for the soul in question. The ideals are at odds, so Sita knows she has to act. She darts forward to kick her daughter into submission, but Kalika grabs Sita’s foot and breaks her ankle like nothing. Then she chucks Seymour off the pier, where he at least lands in deep water and starts swimming toward the shore. Kalika still wants to know where the baby is, and Sita obviously can’t tell her, but Kalika forces some kind of hypnosis onto her mother and gets her to give up the phone number and the plan.

As she leaves, Sita demands to know what’s so special about this baby. Kalika responds by ripping up a board from the pier and throwing it into the water — straight through Seymour’s back. Sita dives in, determined to save him, but by the time they get to shore it’s too late. He’s lost too much blood to even be able to be turned into a vampire. (At least, I guess, without the tools made handy by the creepy sociopath in TLV2 that allowed her to turn FBI Dude, who was similarly close to death.)

So she builds him a funeral pyre, but something stays her hand with the match. Instead, she gets out what’s left of the baby blood and pours half of it onto the wound and half of it down Seymour’s throat. Five minutes later, he’s alive and awake and alert and ready to move on. Only not right now, because this is the end of the book.

For the first time in this series, I actually don’t feel like Pike is forcing a cliffhanger ending. It seems like he genuinely had too much story and character-building to put into just one book, and did some pre-planning in spreading this story over two. (I don’t remember if it keeps on into the sixth, but I feel like it didn’t. Although these three Sita books popped out within five months of each other, so the plan was there even if the connection fades.) The tone and sensation here is more in keeping with what I came to expect from the first two, rather than the Matrix/Blade progenitor that was the third story.

And I’m not annoyed by “to be continued” this time! I’m even kind of looking forward to reading the next one. Let’s see if he can keep me invested through five more books about Sita. (Spoiler alert: I doubt it.)

[junker-town]

Herm Edwards’ first season at Arizona State was incredibly ... normal. Boooooooooo.

The strangest hire of the 2017-18 coaching carousel has started out in the most average possible way. This is not what we signed up for.

Bill C’s annual preview series of every FBS team in college football continues. Catch up here!

Once the smoke had cleared and the gross MBA jargon had been fumigated from the premises, Herm Edwards’ first season at Arizona State was startlingly normal.

Edwards inherited a team with a third-year starting quarterback (Manny Wilkins), a potential first-round draft pick at receiver (N’Keal Harry), and a reasonably experienced defense. The QB almost perfectly matched his 2017 numbers (3,270 yards and a 142.6 passer rating in 2017, 3,025 yards and a 141.2 in 2018), the potential first-rounder became an actual first-rounder, and the defense improved a bit, as one might expect.

ASU was projected 52nd in S&P+ ... and finished 52nd. The Sun Devils finished 35th in Off. S&P+ in 2017 ... and finished 35th in 2018.

ASU had averaged 6.7 wins per year over the previous decade and won seven games in 2018.

Per the 247Sports Composite, the Sun Devils’ last seven signing classes had averaged a ranking of 30th. Their 2019 class ranked 31st.

Firing Todd Graham (who averaged 7.7 wins per year) was a bit odd, and replacing him with Edwards — a 63-year-old television personality who hadn’t coached in a decade and hadn’t coached at the college level in nearly three — was odder.

First came athletic director Ray Anderson’s odd proclamation that he would look for a coach who would keep Graham’s coordinators, Billy Napier and Phil Bennett. Graham hired those coordinators. And one could ask ... if they’re so good, why not hire one of them as head coach?

It just kept getting stranger.

Anderson, a former agent, quickly pursued Herm Edwards, a former client of his. Edwards hasn’t coached a team since 2008, when he was fired as head coach by the Kansas City Chiefs. He was 20 games under .500 as an NFL coach and hasn’t coached in college since a three-year stint as San Jose State defensive backs coach ended in 1989. He has spent most of the last decade as a yeller on ESPN.

There was no market for Edwards as a coach, so Anderson’s wooing ended successfully. Edwards was announced as ASU’s head coach on Sunday.

This coaching hire was a whirlwind of weird. And in the short term, it produced maybe the single most average, normal Arizona State season ever.

I think I want my money back. I wanted either a flaming success or spectacular failure.

While there’s still time for both, Edwards has quickly rounded into form as a perfectly average college coach. Granted, he’s a little more rigid than others about what happens when you enter the transfer portal, and that could create some depth problems down the line, but a year and a half into his tenure, he’s blending in.

If nothing else, that allows us to treat his 2019 ASU squad as a normal college football team, affected by normal things like returning production. To that end, the offense could struggle to match last year’s stats, while the offense could improve again.

ASU’s offense was a hair disappointing last year, remaining at the same level despite not only the Wilkins-Harry connection but also 1,600-yard rusher Eno Benjamin. It now has to replace both Wilkins and Harry, plus a pair of honorable-mention all-conference linemen, and is projected to slip a bit to 43rd.

The defense improved, albeit only from 99th to 86th in Def. S&P+, but with last year’s top seven creators of havoc plays (tackles for loss, passes defensed, forced fumbles) returning, it is projected to improve to 60th.

That results in slight projected improvement, to 49th overall with an average projected win total of, you guessed it, seven. They are healthy projected favorites in three games and multi-score underdogs in two, with seven relative tossups.

If last season was any indication, you can take this projection to the bank.

Offense

Anderson made a show of wanting to keep both coordinators upon firing Graham and of course retained neither. Offensive coordinator Billy Napier left to become UL-Lafayette’s head coach (he’s doing quite well, it appears), and defensive coordinator Phil Bennett stepped away from the sport for a bit.

In Napier’s absence, Edwards handed the reins of the offense to line coach Rob Likens.

Likens has quite a bit of Air Raid in his coaching DNA, having worked for former Cal head coach (and current SMU head man) Sonny Dykes at both Louisiana Tech and Cal. But Edwards has always been a run-first guy, and their philosophies apparently met halfway. ASU ran 61 percent of the time on standard downs (one percentage above the national average) and 34 percent on passing downs (one percentage point below); the Sun Devils were extremely balanced despite having Terry in the receiving corps.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

Eno Benjamin (3) and Frank Darby (84)

That approach made sense considering how effective Eno Benjamin was. Wilkins carried about 7.4 times per game (not including sacks) and picked and chose his spots effectively, but Benjamin took on a heavy load and responded well.

A former blue-chipper, Benjamin was one of only three FBS backs to carry at least 300 times (the other two: Wisconsin’s Jonathan Taylor and Boise State’s Alexander Mattison), and he was up for the challenge: he averaged 5.3 yards per carry in November and beyond. For the season, ASU graded out better in the run (19th in Rushing S&P+) than in the pass (50th in Passing S&P+).

It probably goes without saying that, without Wilkins and Harry, ASU probably isn’t going to start passing more.

It wouldn’t hurt, though, if some of Benjamin’s backups prove capable of taking on a heavier load so he didn’t have to. Isaiah Floyd was second among ASU backs in carries (45) and yards (209), but that’s not many carries or yards. Floyd was also far less efficient than Benjamin.

The line should still be solid, at least. Two longtime starters (guard Casey Tucker and tackle Quinn Bailey) are gone, but four returnees — all seniors — boast at least 10 career starts, and center Cohl Cabral is maybe the best in the conference.

Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

Kyle Williams

Whoever wins the starting quarterback job will likely contribute to the rushing totals, too. Junior Dillon Sterling-Cole has dropped 25 pounds in the last year or so — he’s now listed at 6’3, 215 — in attempt to maximize his athleticism, and Edwards signed a trio of freshmen to push him, including four-star Joey Yellen and Jayden Daniels, the anchor of the 2019 class and a top-40 overall prospect.

Daniels is a spectacular athlete, but he’s also a freshman. Odds are good that both he and Sterling-Cole have seen time with the first string by the end of 2019. We’ll see who makes the most of it.

The receiving corps is in decent shape despite losing Harry. Slot man Kyle Williams will be a lovely security blanket for whichever first-time starter wins the job, and while depth appears to level off pretty quickly, in Frank Darby and Brandon Aiyuk ASU boasts a couple of fun, all-or-nothing threats. Aiyuk is particularly intriguing: he came on strong late in 2018, making 22 of his 33 catches in the last five games.

Defense

I really liked Edwards’ hire of Danny Gonzales to replace Bennett as defensive coordinator. A longtime Rocky Long assistant at San Diego State, Gonzales was well-versed in Long’s tricky 3-3-5 defense, and his first ASU defense had a lot of the same DNA. While the amount of down linemen and linebackers varied, you could count on five DBs being on the field at all times.

Of course, that’s about where the similarities end. ASU’s defense wasn’t very good — the Sun Devils did improve but were after all still just 86th in Def. S&P+.

They were strong in big-play prevention. Opponents managed only 22 gains of 30-plus yards (34th in FBS) and only three of 50-plus (ninth), but they didn’t produce third-and-longs, they didn’t capitalize on the ones they had, and they were only marginally disruptive (46th in havoc rate).

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Chase Lucas

Most of last year’s best disruptors are back, led by sophomore linebacker Merlin Robertson (8.5 TFLs, five sacks), safety Aashari Crosswell (13 passes defensed), and cornerbacks Chase Lucas (combined: 8.5 TFLs, 17 passes defensed). But leading safeties Jalen Harvey and Demonte King are gone, which, considering how important big-play prevention was to the Sun Devils, has to be a little disconcerting.

Still, while there were veterans up front and in the safety corps, ASU improved overall while still fielding quite a few freshmen and sophomores. The linebacking corps was crazy young, led not only by Robertson but also fellow freshmen Darien Butler and Tyler Johnson (a part-OLB, part-end).

Plus, in the back, Crosswell was a freshman, and Lucas was a sophomore, as were backups Evan Fields and Terin Adams, who combined for six TFLs. They’re all more experienced, and there could be another high-upside sophomore in Baylor cornerback transfer Timarcus Davis.

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Merlin Robertson (8)

There are concerns up front. ASU allowed opponents to gain at least four yards on 54 percent of non-sack carries (123rd) and ranked 105th in Rushing S&P+, and that was WITH tackle Renell Wren and end Jalen Bates (combined: 10.5 TFLs, 15 run stuffs) up front.

It could be sophomores to the rescue once more. Jermaine Lole emerged as a play-maker late in the year (he had four TFLs and four breakups in the last five games), and big D.J. Davidson (6’4, 325) showed some upside before injuring his ankle. Edwards added Rice grad transfer Roe Wilkins (4.5 TFLs, 8.5 run stuffs), but this is a pretty thin group, and Lole and Davidson pretty much have to emerge as stars if the run front is to improve.

Special Teams

Edwards’ first year might have been average in most ways, but ASU made definitive improvement in special teams, at least, rising from 60th to 14th in Special Teams S&P+. They didn’t rank in the top 25 in any category, but they were between decent and good throughout and should remain so.

Kicker Brandon Ruiz (35th in field goal efficiency, 26th in kickoffs efficiency) is a keeper, Brandon Aiyuk is a steady return man, and while punter Michael Sleep-Dalton transferred to Iowa, Edwards brought in Lafayette’s Michael Turk, who had a better net average than Sleep-Dalton, at least.

2019 outlook

2019 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 29-Aug Kent State 111 22.1 90% 6-Sep Sacramento State NR 38.2 99% 14-Sep at Michigan State 23 -9.2 30% 21-Sep Colorado 68 6.7 65% 27-Sep at California 60 0.0 50% 12-Oct Washington State 36 -0.5 49% 19-Oct at Utah 17 -12.0 24% 26-Oct at UCLA 63 0.3 51% 9-Nov USC 29 -2.3 45% 16-Nov at Oregon State 105 12.8 77% 23-Nov Oregon 20 -5.4 38% 29-Nov Arizona 52 3.0 57%

Projected S&P+ Rk 49 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 43 / 60 Projected wins 6.7 Five-Year S&P+ Rk 5.4 (50) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 31 2018 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 10 / 0.4 2018 TO Luck/Game +3.7 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 66% (52%, 81%) 2018 Second-order wins (difference) 6.3 (0.7)

In last year’s ASU preview, I listed out three ways for Edwards to begin proving skeptics wrong in his first 12 months on the job:

Prove his recruiting bona fides in finishing up the 2018 class

Overachieve ASU’s S&P+ projections

Place his first full recruiting class in the top 20

He went 1-for-3, but ... it was a decent 1-for-3? He achieved ASU’s S&P+ projections on the nose, at least, and his first class was an at least decent 31st. His athletic director built him up to be capable of signing better than just the typical ASU class, but in Jayden Daniels, he might have nabbed his QB of the future, and he addressed soon-to-be needs by loading up on WRs and OLs (the Sun Devils are about to lose a lot of those).

He didn’t bomb, in other words, even if he didn’t exactly succeed either.

Edwards’ second team should improve further on defense, even if the run front is still iffy, and with Benjamin and quite a few veterans both in the receiving corps and on the offensive line, the new starting QB — be it Daniels, Sterling-Cole, Yellen, or whoever — will have a solid supporting cast. Then ASU could use QB continuity in 2020 to survive big turnover elsewhere on offense.

There are plenty of potential wins on the table, and it seems safe to assume ASU will snare about seven of them. We don’t know if Edwards is capable of more than that, but he’s at least capable of that.

Team preview stats

All 2019 preview data to date.

[thesassygandalf]

(So I know the lower one asked this like a week ago, but I figured I’d hold it to today since today was my big ultrasound!) I’ll put this under a read-more since it got kinda long :)

So today I am 18 weeks and 3 days! So the average baby at this point in pregnancy is about 5.5 inches from the top of its head to its rump (at 20 weeks, the baby’s legs will be developed enough that they can be measured from head to toe, but for now, baby is all curled up), and weighs about 7oz.  Today at my ultrasound, he measured pretty much average for length, but weighing about 9oz! I was a 10lb baby born a few weeks early, so he is growing big and stronk like his momther. Around this time, nothing super noteworthy in terms of development is happening, except myelin is starting to form around the nerves, meaning the baby will become more active and all of its overall senses will start improving.  Most of the major organs have finished the key steps in development, which is why 18 weeks-ish is when pregnant people have the big ultrasound! Which was today for me!

This ultrasound was sooooo cool. We started at the top of the baby and looked at the development of all the major stuff all the way down! As soon as she turned on the machine, we got a nice creepy image of baby staring straight at us (and since she was pressing kinda hard into my belly, it looked like a skull staring at us lmao). Baby was super active the whole time and kept tossing and turning and kicking/punching at me, so it was hard to get good views of the brain and the face.  We then got some good shots of the spine from every angle (thank you my barrel rolling child).  We also got some super awesome shots of the heart! Like we got one view that was a literal perfect cross section of the heart where we could see every chamber, and how the blood was flowing through them! The baby’s heart was very well developed, which is always a relief because if I randomly went into labour in the next couple weeks, there’s a higher chance he would survive. (A lot of babies actually have a bypass between the ventricles where blood flows freely between instead of just following the atria->ventricle->lungs->atria->ventricle->body route.  This hole usually closes further in development, but some babies have been born with the hole still and it causes some problems. But my baby was all good and developed!!) We also checked the diaphragm, stomach, kidneys and bladder of the baby (although it was really hard for my untrained eyes to see some of this stuff). Apparently everything is looking great!!! It was a super cool experience! Except the ultrasound tech was probably the least enthusiastic person I’ve ever met in my life... but thats besides the point. Healthy baby.  

As for my end of things, I feel like my stomach exploded in size this week.  In my work scrubs, you still cant tell I’m pregnant, but when I go out and wear a maxi dress, dang! I look like a pregnant lady! Its weird walking down a street and seeing your reflection and having this huge bump. Its even weirder that its probably only half as big as its going to get, if even that.  So far I’ve gained 12 pounds though! The average person gains about 10 around this time, so I’m pretty much on track!

I’m able to feel the baby move more frequently, although its still incredibly soft and only felt if I’m laying back and paying a lot of attention.  The doctor assured me that it will become only more frequent and more noticeable in the coming weeks, and in a few months when he’s boxing my bladder and my ribcage, I’ll be sick of it hahah. 

Some of the major side effects I’ve been experiencing lately? I have to pee literally every 2 hours. I can no longer rest for extended periods of time flat on my back without my lower back feeling like death.  I now feel hungry like 20 minutes after eating a meal, no matter how huge it is.  I have lost any sense of balance I previously had.  The pregnancy hormone Relaxin has made my joints hurt randomly, although thankfully it hasn’t made my feet get bigger (yet xO).  I get super emotional at random times (especially when listening to the Hamilton soundtrack). I havent had food cravings yet, but I still have a total aversion to greasy starchy foods, particularly french fries and hashbrowns.  My hair and skin are freakin flawless (unfortunately this tends to leave literally hours after childbirth).  My hands are pretty swollen all the time now, so I have to wear my wedding ring on a chain as a necklace. Aaaand thats about all I can think of!!! 

Thanks for asking anons <3 I really enjoy giving these updates, and you guys give me an excuse to post it all!! Oh! Also, my official due date is November 18th!!

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

COTW - 4 start. Guys... why didn't you tell me it was sooooo bad?!? I reread it and damn... my brain and fingers really haven't been communicating

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?

[adambstingus]

Macaulay Culkin: ‘No, I was not pounding six grand of heroin a month’

The Home Alone star talks about the drug rumours, dodging paparazzi and his cheese-flavoured Velvet Underground tribute act

Of all modern myths, it is the fall of the child star that most compels us. Whether theyre embarking on 55-hour marriages, throwing bongs out of windows or abandoning monkeys at customs, we cant seem to get enough. Theres something pathological in our need to tear down our icons of innocence, which might explain the overprotective nature of Macaulay Culkins US publicist, who wants to see all my questions upfront. I refuse. I thought we could just … have a chat? The interview, Culkins biggest in 10 years, is supposed to focus on his comeback. Im instructed to avoid anything negative. I ask if I can ask if he has any regrets. Regrets sounds too negative, is the response.

When we meet, in the lobby of a hotel in Spain, Im still trying to figure out what exactly this comeback consists of. Culkins filming an advert for Compare the Market, which is obviously not a passion project. It was fun, and we hammered that sucker out pretty quickly. The biggest scene was me sitting on a bench eating ice-cream.

Is he doing this to fund an exciting new venture? No, not necessarily. Hes dressed grungily, long hair man-bunned back, boots open-laced, blazer badge-studded. He doesnt project the focused careerism of most actors. People feel they have to be in perpetual motion, or drown. Ive never had a problem saying Ive got nothing lined up. Maybe Ill take the next year off. It sounds as if hes not particularly drawn to acting at all. Im not much active, he concedes. If I knew what I wanted to do, Id be writing it myself.

The trajectory of Culkins life feels like fallout from an atomic blast. By the age of 12, Uncle Buck, two Home Alone films, My Girl and (to a lesser extent) Richie Rich had made him the most successful child actor of all time. At 14, he became legally emancipated from his parents; both had been trying to gain control of his $17m fortune in their divorce. Culkin married at 17, and separated two years later. Sleepovers with Michael Jackson became public knowledge when he was called as a defence witness at the singers molestation trial. Im ghoulishly fascinated by this alien childhood. Id like to ask about Michael Jackson.

In Home Alone (1990). Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

I think its best you dont, interjects his manager. She is one of three people sitting with us. Its not that its a painful topic … begins Culkin. His manager insists we move on, the PR next to her agrees. Culkin clearly wants to say something, but six eyes are telling him not to.

I suspect were both wondering why were here; 35-year-old Culkin doesnt do this sort of thing any more, having turned his back on the spotlight. I dont just turn my back, I actively dont want it. The paps go after me because I dont whore myself out. He has spent a decade turning down interviews, and mostly lives in France, where the aloof Parisians leave him alone. (Its also where Kevin McCallisters family were headed when they left him Home Alone, but we cant talk about that.) I get the impression hes as eager to talk about a price comparison website as I am to ask about one. Instead, I ask why people are still fascinated by him.

I have no idea. I was thinking about this the other day Id crossed the wrong street, picked up a tail, suddenly theres a crush of 20 paparazzi. Then people with cameraphones get involved. I dont think Im worthy of that.

With Michael Jackson in 2001. Photograph: Kevin Kane/WireImage

Has it got better with time?

Its been like that my whole adult life. You take on a prey-like attitude, always scanning the horizon. Its strange on dates, as it looks like youre not paying attention. But Ive stopped trying to think of myself in the third person, because thats just gonna drive me nuts.

You had to think about yourself in the third person?

Exactly. Macaulay Culkin is out there, and Im Mac. You guys can play with the first one.

Hes not averse to a bit of playing himself, for Culkin is the celebritys meta-celebrity. You may remember the meme-meltdown a few years back when Ryan Gosling was pictured wearing a T-shirt of Kevin McCallister. Culkin responded by creating a T-shirt that pictured Gosling wearing the shirt, before Gosling responded in kind, being photographed wearing a T-shirt of Culkin wearing a T-shirt of Gosling wearing a T-shirt of Culkin. They may still be at it for all we know.

Culkins previous ads, for the likes of Orange (and, in a Partridge move, the rebranding of Norwich Union), trade in close-to-the-bone self-analysis. For Compare the Market, he plays a hitchhiker picked up by the lovable meerkats, who see him as a child, buying him ice-cream and making him ride merry-go-rounds hes too big for.

In 2006, Culkin wrote an experimental novel, Junior, from the perspective of a certifiable child star with father issues. In web comedy :DRYVRS, hes a blood-spattered sadist, unhinged by the childhood trauma of parental abandonment, and defending himself against home invaders. Is all this self-quoting what hes drawn to, or just what he gets offered? A bit of both. It suits my personality and sense of humour. But I would be game for something non-self-referential.

Given this dilemma constantly returning to a past he wants distance from where does his sense of self come from? From me. I try to figure out what makes me happy and not in a superficial way. I keep my soul fit. Is he spiritual? I know enough to know I dont know. I was raised Catholic, so theres a lot of guilt. Were born with original sin. He veers off into a joke. Since I was told that, Ive been trying to come up with even more original sins, thatll really blow my priest away at confession. Like, heres one you havent heard it involves a pitching wedge, a donkey and a bucket of ice. And two meerkats? Yeah! You might wanna record this one!

With his brother, Kieran Culkin, c 1990. Photograph: Dave Benett/Getty Images

He reflects. Actually, Im very much at peace lately. I can debate with people, and my heart rate never changes. And Culkin is witty and affable. Funny, but distant. He offers confrontational figures of speech amiably. If you want to get into an argument with an artist, ask them what art is, he says. If you want to make an actor feel uncomfortable, ask them what theyre doing next. (I hastily scribble out one of the few questions Ive written down.)

Are his debates political? I have leanings, but Im the definition of a disenfranchised voter I think the system is ugly. This whole Trump thing is amazing. (Trump cameos in Home Alone 2, showing our hero the way to the Plaza Hotel lobby, although we cant talk about it.) Culkin doesnt want to be drawn further. Discussing politics is the quickest way to alienate people, so I dont wanna go into it. And Trump has enough column inches? Exactly! Hes like the Candyman, we have to stop saying his name.

Culkin was acting at four, an age at which no one knows what they want beyond watching cartoons and eating oversugared cereal. Having described himself as effectively retired, he works occasionally (voices for Seth Greens Robot Chicken, cameoing as himself in Zoolander 2), but: Im much more proactive with visual arts and writing, my notebook and little projects. Of the projects that reach the public, most could charitably be classed as divisive. There are paintings: one of the cast of Seinfeld on the set of Wheel of Fortune, being painted, nude, by He-Man. Theres The Wrong Ferrari, a Dadaist knockabout written on ketamine with Adam Green of the Moldy Peaches, shot entirely on iPhones. Most notorious is the Pizza Underground, his Velvet Underground tribute act that replaces the original lyrics with pizza puns (Im Waiting for Delivery Man, Take a Bite of the Wild Slice). At Nottingham Rock City, the band were pelted with beer and booed off stage as he played a kazoo solo. They cancelled their European dates, citing a cheesemergency. My question about all this is: what the hell?

Its one of those good ideas you have when youre drunk, and you wake up and forget about it. But were taking it to the end of the joke. We have an album coming out, a vinyl pressing with a childrens choir, a symphony orchestra. Were giving it away, our gift to the world. Does he still find it funny? Of course I find it funny! We rhyme mushrooms with mushrooms, come on. Its the same joke, relentlessly. Like, theyre really doing this?

Culkin enjoys the absurdity his fame bestows. But scrutiny has its downside. In New York, he takes walks at 4am to avoid harassment. On YouTube, one can find clips of him being harassed by wannabe-paps with smartphones. In 2012, photographs of him looking gaunt, almost transparent, set tabloids aflame with stories he was addicted to heroin and oxycodone, following the breakdown of his relationship with Mila Kunis. Given his friendship with Adam Green and Pete Doherty as well as a previous arrest for possession of marijuana, Xanax and clonazepam it seemed plausible.

Performing as Pizza Underground with Deenah Vollmer. Photograph: Sam Santos/WireImage

Were people right to be worried? Not necessarily. Of course, when silly stuff is going on but no, I was not pounding six grand of heroin every month or whatever. The thing that bugged me was tabloids wrapping it all in this weird guise of concern. No, youre trying to shift papers. Is there a story there he might want to tell one day, on his own terms? Perhaps.

Whatever his recreational habits, Im surprised by how unscrewed-up Macaulay Culkin is. Plans for the summer mainly involve roadying for Har Mar Superstar and Green (with whom he has another lo-fi film out, Aladdin). Home is where my boots are. Im a big fan of jumping on peoples tourbuses, making myself useful, doing load-ins and outs. I do everything except the merch table. I tried that, but … we didnt sell anything.

He has directionless days. He sleeps in, stays up late, indulges immature humour, bounces around with bad-influence friends. In short, hes enjoying the adolescence that celebrity stole from him. Ironically, his personal problems and turbulent relationship with the media have also given him a pretty grown-up perspective. Not a bad epilogue for a child star.

Its allowed me to become the person I am, and I like me, so I wouldnt change a thing. Not having to do anything for my dinner, financially, lets me treat every gig like its the last. He laughs, and this time addresses himself in the second person. If it is, Id think: Culkin, you had a good run.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/macaulay-culkin-no-i-was-not-pounding-six-grand-of-heroin-a-month/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181995008877