#actually I can bc I’m the same way with those two from twd

[islndgurl777]

SORRY I don’t watch the show I just know it through tumblr but 1) did something bad happen to chimney and 2) DID THEY NOT GET MARRIED????

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Emily’s Instagram Live

Okay, let’s talk about what Emily said on her live, yesterday. Actually, it was kind of funny. @fangipanilove messaged me about it, but I couldn’t sit down and watch it right away because I was with my niece and nephew. But she said I would probably get all kinds of messages and Asks about it. And almost instantly, the messages started rolling in. ;D Do we know our fandom or what?

Okay, so if you didn’t watch it, you can do so HERE.

During this live, Emily is answering questions. She gets one about if she will be returning to TWD and she says, “Not that I know of, but that would be fun, wouldn’t it? If I got asked, I’d probably do it.” So naturally, that’s causing some concern in our fandom.

(Thanks to @doeroseq​ for this edit.)

I can address this from two different angles: what she says, and how she says it.

What Emily says:

Yes, she seems to say that she won’t be returning anytime soon. But you guys have to remember that TWD actors sign dictionary-sized, iron-clad contracts. They legally CANNOT reveal spoilers. If they were to do it anyway, they would be fired, sues, and likely never work in the industry again. That’s not an exaggeration.

Two examples to illustrate when we’ve seen this in the past.

A. When Lenny James returned for S5, he told a story about how while filming, they wanted to keep his return super-secret. Instead of putting him up at a hotel (because they feared him being seen by spoiler cameras) they had him stay with a local couple who rented out their basement apartment. They didn’t even know who they would be hosting, other than that it was someone who was going to be filming for S5 of the show. 

And to hear Lenny tell it, the way the show drilled into this couple’s that they couldn’t tell ANYBODY the identity of their lodger--no way, no how, or else—bordered on harassment. (Okay, not really, but you get the idea.) When the woman saw Lenny James (she was a local and a fan of the show, so she definitely knew who he was) she’s was like, “Ah, YOU’RE the reason.”

So the point is, when they don’t want something spoiled, they’re very aggressive about it. (Which is why so many of us believe that when spoilers DO come out, they’re leaked by the show itself, but that’s a topic for another day.

B. I use this as an example a lot, but that’s only because it’s a real-life, proven thing we can point to. Remember when between S6 and S7, before we knew for certain who Negan’s victim would be, every single actor who was asked about it said they didn’t know? It was kind of a ridiculous lie since they’d FILMED the scene, but the point is, they looked straight into the eyes of the fans and lied.

And I’m really not hating on them for it. Look, you can be as angry as you want at the actors and writers for lying about things, but the fact is, it’s in their contracts. You could argue it’s not really their fault.

I do believe they’re very careful with their words, planning them whenever possible and going out of their way to not lie if they don’t have to, simply because they’re uncomfortable with it and don’t like lying to fans.

But when they get pinned down and asked directly, they will lie rather than tell spoilers. And we have precedent for that.

So, if Emily really isn’t returning, she’ll say she isn’t returning. If she actually IS returning, she’ll still say she isn’t returning. We’re going to get the same answer either way. Just keep that in mind.

How Emily says it:

Before I actually watched the clip, the way people described it to me, I thought it was a question that really flustered and frustrated her. Again, it was just the way people were describing it to me and I made an assumption before watching for myself.

So, when I did watch, it surprised me how NOT flustered she was. She answered quickly and easily and even smiled when she said it.

That’s really not the norm for Emily. In fact, back in S6, TD got all suspicious because they kept canceling Emily’s TWD panels. Then she did an interview Kate Nash, who has a huge social media following, but isn’t mainstream or affiliated with the show.  (X)

And it wasn’t a formal interview, actually. She just invited Emily to watch episode 6x09 with her live. I don’t think Emily realized Kate knew anything about TD or would ask about it, but she did. Emily got all flustered and very obviously avoided answering questions and tried to redirect Kate’s attention. We all joked that this is why they kept cancelling Emily’s panels: she really has no poker face. (X)

And has she gotten better at answering questions about Beth’s return over the years? Sure! But that still suggests she’s had to get better at lying about it.

So, the instant I watched it, I felt like this was a question she was super-prepared for (maybe it was even planted?) and that’s why she answered it with such serene confidence. She was expecting it and had an answer all prepared.

So then I sat back an started thinking about it, especially the timing of it. And the more I thought, the more suspicious I got.

From what I can tell, it’s less that she said it that’s freaking everyone out and more that she hasn’t said this so directly much, if at all, over the years since Coda. This feels like a direct confirmation, which we haven’t had before.

But guys, they also haven’t said Beth’s name in the last 6 years, either.

I find it highly suspicious that after 10x17 comes out, when her name is mentioned twice and EVERYONE is talking about her and the sister theme (not just our fandom but other TWD fans, too) that suddenly Emily gets this question in a live. Her answer is, unlike what is usual for her, direct, serene, confident, and said with a smile. In it, she directly refutes her return, while simultaneously hinting that “someday she might.”

Yeah, I’m really not buying it.

It actually reminds me of when she was filming the missing scenes in the white cabin back during S5. Spoiler cameras actually caught her—recognized by her yellow polo and blond ponytail—getting out of a white van and going into that cabin. The instant it hit the airwaves (everyone was so glad she was filming bc it meant Beth was alive and not eaten at Terminus—Emily instant jumped on Twitter and tweeted that she was going to the movies with some friends. 

Even the spoiler site who famously hated Beth’s character laughed about what an obvious attempted-misdirect that was. Especially because it came RIGHT after fans started figuring stuff out.

This feels the same to me.

On a slightly different note (but somewhat relevant) it seems that they MIGHT not be releasing 10x18 early. I don’t know for certain, so we’ll just have to wait and see, but I read an article that said that because they released 10x17 a week early, the people who watched it early spoiled it for those that didn’t and half the fan based was pissed off, so they might not release 10x18 early. 

That doesn’t seem like a very good reason, to me. Not that I don’t sympathize with those who don’t want to be spoiled, but they’ve been releasing episodes 2 days early for several years, now, and people who watch early almost always post about it online. 

I’m sure releasing it 7 days early instead of 2 compounded the problem, but they MUST have known that going in. Why pick now to suddenly decide spoilers aren’t a good thing? It seems like a made up reason to me, which means there’s some other reason they are contemplating not releasing the episode early.

I truly have no idea what it is, but my TD brain can’t help but wonder if it’s because SO MANY people are talking about Beth and the possibility of her return in the wake of 10x17. And I’m not suggesting that she’ll return in 10x18 or anything. I’m not at all expecting that. I’m just saying something’s going on there.

So I get why some people might be upset about Emily’s live, but don’t be. We have plenty of precedent for them lying about what’s going to happen in the show, misdirecting when people get too close to the truth, and Emily was just entirely too happy to answer that question, in my opinion. My take on it: tptb are doing damage control. ;D

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

alpha/beta are carol/daryl foils: an analysis no one asked for; twd s10 spoilers, obviously

hoo boy. okay, so i’ve been intending to write this for days, but i had to let it marinate, and also i haven’t been sleeping and couldn’t concentrate long enough to write it down, but whatever, i digress. “we are the end of the world” was something, wasn’t it?? it is so weird to have a plotline in twd that’s like...good? and SO refreshing to have a villain who isn’t a macho, rapey, white dude. i personally believe that all showrunners should be women from now on. oh, i’m digressing again, my apologies.

here’s the actual content, under the cut bc it’s a fucking novel:

so, from alpha’s very first episode, when i saw her shaving her head, i literally thought, “oh, so she’s carol’s foil and they’re going to have an inevitable showdown, huh?” guess who was right? this bitch. but what i didn’t catch right away was how beta is also daryl’s foil, and how the main focus of this season is alpha/beta vs carol/daryl.

let’s take it apart individually first, yeah?

carol vs. alpha:

like i said, the scene that made me instantly aware of what they were setting up was when alpha shaved her head. carol’s hair was a big thing in season 9, and the fact that we had just had henry talking about carol growing her hair out long, juxtaposed with alpha shaving hers off, is what set the alarm bells off for me. i have said over and over that i don’t believe kang does anything unintentionally, and girl loves her symbolism, so those two opposing scenes was a taste of what she was setting up.

carol and alpha are both near-indestructible forces who also happen to be mother’s suffering the loss of their children at the hand of the other. (carol isn’t directly responsible for lydia, but she’s included with “the others” that took lydia from alpha, so i think alpha still sees her as part of it.)

carol and alpha both have transformed themselves to fit within the confines of the world they currently live in, while recognizing that their children weren’t meant for it, even within their own grief. let us refer to figures a and b (lol) below.

figure a:

here in “the grove” we have creepy girl who i hate and am terrified of asking carol if sophia died because she was weak, and carol straight up is like, “yes.” she doesn’t even sugarcoat it. she accepted that her daughter wasn’t going to survive from the jump, because “there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.”

figure b:

here we see alpha losing her goddamn shit, because she’s having a come-to-jesus moment with beta about losing lydia, because she can’t have lydia and be the alpha at the same time, because lydia “is not like” her. 

conclusion: carol and alpha both mourn for their daughters, but have accepted that to be the people they need to be in the apocalypse, their children needed to die (or in lydia’s case, be dead metaphorically). in short, carol and alpha are two sides of the same coin. they’ve both found ways to survive, except one is for the good guys, and the other is for the bad guys, and now they’re head-to-head, and it is d e l i c i o u s.

moving on.

daryl vs beta:

idk why the parallels didn’t occur to me when they had daryl fighting beta. i blame henry, he was distracting me by being a delightful idiot (rip my dumb bitch), but that seed was planted in season 9, too. go kang for continuity. who knew twd could do that? anyway.

the big thing that compares daryl and beta is who they were before they found carol and alpha respectively. we obviously don’t know a whole lot of details about beta’s life, but we have enough to extrapolate and compare, and extrapolate and compare we shall.

alright, so we got our favorite lovable, filthy redneck, who grew up abused and isolated, and then here comes the apocalypse, and the only person he has left is his brother, and that’s what defines him until he loses him, both when rick chained him to a roof, and then again, after a brief relapse, when merle sacrificed himself. 

next we have beta, who again, our info is limited, but he does not become “beta” until after whoever that walker alpha puts down is gone. judging by the size, approximate age, and the closeness beta had to him, i’m betting on, you guessed it, his brother. 

observe:

figure a:

figure b:

these are both turning points for these men, where they Fully Become the dudes that we know. daryl couldn’t be the daryl we know and love until merle was gone for good, and whatever his actual name is couldn’t become beta until smiley face shirt guy was smooshed. 

(side note: how fucking rank does that t-shirt have to be by now? at least the mask dries out, but do you think that t-shirt is just like, melded into beta’s skin at this point? gross.)

so time for the fun part.

alpha/beta and caryl in season 10:

season 10 finds both duos in similar circumstances, by which i mean, alpha and carol are losing their minds, and beta and daryl are like, “uhhhh, you ok?” the men are these women’s confidants, their person, the one they trust and love above all others. carol saved daryl and brought him into a community, and alpha did the same thing with beta. you want more visual aides? well, sure thing, scout!

figure a:

we’re carylers, we already know carol’s the reason daryl has the confidence and self-esteem to become part of the group, but juxtapose this with the following pic, which i will label

figure b (again):

and you will see that alpha sees something in beta that no one else does. she sees this lonely, talented man, who’s adrift and in solitude, and she essentially calls dibs. sound familiar? inorite?

so daryl and beta are now loyal to a fault to their women, and this season already has them being wary of how they’re acting. yes, i have more pictures. i like taking screenshots, okay?

figure a:

one of the first scenes we get with caryl is daryl asking carol if she’s still thinking about alpha, and if she is Dwelling, which is interesting, because...

figure b:

...that’s exactly the same thing we get with alpha and beta. the first scene in “we are the end of the world” with the two of them in present day is him questioning her motives, and then later on he’s like, “fuck, are you Dwelling?” 

and both women immediately are like:

and neither dude knows wtf to do about this, because they’re used to the women being the strong ones. carol’s whole, “you’ve got to feel it, but not me, i’m good repressing, conceal don’t feel” thing, mixed with alpha’s, “we’re living like the dead and the dead don’t feel emotions so obviously I Am Fine” motto is what their boys are used to, but suddenly carol is hallucinating dead children, and alpha is making shrines, and our poor dudes are like, “plz stop???” esp bc they know these women are FUCKING TERRIFYING, and should never be left to their own devices if they’re being crazy crackers.

ergo, both men are clinging to the hope that they can bring the women back from the brink. my last visual aides, yes i know, how sad:

figure a:

figure b:

both scenes have these dudes reaching out to their women and essentially expressing, in their own way, “i’m worried about you, can you plz stay within eyesight at all times, ilu,” bc neither daryl nor beta is equipped to have a nice long sit down conversation about feelings, and obviously carol and alpha wouldn’t bother to entertain it in the first place, so like  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. they tried. 

will it work? unlikely! because after that showdown at the end of both eps 1 and 2, these bitches ain’t about to stop for nothing. they just straight up made enemies for life, and they’re going straight harry potter with this shit, neither can live while the other survives, someone has to die, and while beta and daryl are not super on board with this whole “being bonkers and bent on revenge” thing, you better bet your ass that they’re going to make sure their woman is the winner, which means they automatically are paired up against one another as well.

so in a nutshell: we could have just stuck goatees on mmb and norman reedus, cast them as alpha and beta, and called them mirror!verse caryl (star trek reference, yay/nay?), because they’re mother fucking foils setting up for the mother fucking fight of the century, and oh my god, can you feel it in your bones how exciting it is that it’s not going to be a rick + negan dick measuring contest again? i am So Hype.

and ofc, as a hardcore caryl shipper, i obviously have to throw in that alpha and beta are totally in love (which is esp fun, bc whisperers aren’t supposed to feel love, uh oh, vulcan violation, yes i made another star trek reference, bite me), and if they are paralleling caryl, well...extrapolate from the evidence.

i love kang, you guys. i love how she tells a story. i love that she knows how to tell a story. this show is good again, and idk how she did it, but damnit, she did.

thus endeth my pointless critical analysis. forgive me. i was an english major and have absolutely no other use for my degree.

i’m ashamed too. 

that’s all. tomorrow is the early release of the caryl episode, i mean the new episode. looking forward to dying a valiant death with the lot of you. until then, friends.

deuces,

-diz

addendum: i was editing this, and was trying to think if there’s a parallel to the bracelet scene, and the only thing i could think of that alpha gives beta is his mask. she encourages him to take the face of his brother(?), and that keeps him grounded, which is interesting, bc my prediction for the bracelet is that it’s going to end up being a grounding device for carol when she’s dissociating. i don’t have a solid conclusion drawn there, but i thought i’d mention it before posting, just to plant the seed. 

k, done 4 real, bye

[lysitheaioandeuropa]

All the autumnal asks

ayyy

lantern - how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?'best friends' are so arbitrary. but michelle and i had the same training class at work and she thought i was intimidating lmao i thought she was odd but then realized she was actually cool. we're kind of inseparable now. i want to say my partner is my best friend as well, aside from being my gf we rly do have a close bond and i like talking to her and sharing things with her. of course both of those relationships are different dynamics, but i tell her everything, even shit that i know she's not interested in but she'll enjoy listening bc i am lmao and vice versa, and i wouldn't want it any other way

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?oh MAN. i always say i wish i could go back and just do high school and on all over again knowing what i know now. i would cry a lot my freshman year bc i didn't have any friends and like, i wish i would have known to seek out help? and i wish i had known how outright abusive my first boyfriend was and how not good for me the other couple were. that "attention" doesn't always equate to good, and being violated multiple times against my wishes was something i should have found an adult i trusted and talked about with. i wish i could tell myself to work so much harder for what i want. i wish i knew i was gay sooner lmfao, like i KNEW but kids today are more exposed to that now, it's so easy to find a label or lack thereof for yourself with information at the tip of your hands you know (also kinda wish i didn't grow up in a church at all). i didn't figure out a label until.. far too late in life i think. i wish i knew to not feel guilty about it, to talk about it to other people, to not have to struggle with having crushes on just about all my friends and just being so confused about it lmao. anyway, i just want to make better choices for myself and a better person.

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?i rly rly wanted to learn to play the harp.

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?i'm not sure, none of the fictional characters i read about or anything are relatable to me. i do admire so many of them though

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?who knows bro lmfao i have no idea what my aesthetic is lmao. it would be absolutely flawless though and would have a bit evertything. punk, goth, “professional,” whatever. right now i just think i am stuck in “ugly old lady hag” and i don’t know what to do about it. i absolutely hate my entire fucking wardrobe rn

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?i know there are quite a few things actually, but currently the only thing that comes to mind is salad dressing lol. i used to have all my salads naked but now i like italian and caesar but just those two

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.SUMMER IS NOT THE VILLAIN IN 500 DAYS EVERY MAN THAT THINKS SHE IS MISSED THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE MOVIE. TOM IS PROBLEMATIC ACCEPT THAT SHIT.

SAME GOES FOR FUCKING TED AND ROBIN. LIKE YES YOU KNOW FROM EPISODE ONE THAT THEY ARE END GAME AND YOU EVEN ROOT FOR THEM AT TIMES, BUT LIKE NO IT SHOULDN'T HAVE ENDED LIKE THAT.

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?i say this all the time i would not survive that shit lmao, i hope i rly do find a way to make it or die within the first couple seconds bc i'ma be pissed if i put in all that work to still die before there is a cure. i wanna see how society is reconstructed or if it is at all like that'd be more interesting than TWD of FTWD

jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?shay mitchell

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?no but i am watching paranormal survivors atm

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.gingerbread houses & a nice gift exchange. i'm excited to spend most if not all of the holidays together

crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?i pretty much have an aptitude for everything but i'm not like spectacular at anything. so i guess music bc i didn't practice anywhere near enough as i should have

bonfire - describe your dream house.two-story w maybe three bedrooms (i guess 4 if i magically end up having 2 kids). i would like "den" so to speak as an office/library space. i prefer open layouts with a lot of natural light available. enough greenlife in a balcony upstairs, the backyard has nice landscaping and a huge deck. whole thing is fenced in, white picket type thing so my neighbors ain't sneaking. it would be nice if it looked over a lake of some sort. i have a nice vision in my mind that i know i can't put into words. ideally we'll build a lot of it ourselves. the master suite would be NICEEE w french doors leading out to the balcony as well. bathroom has both, a nice porcelain tub and a two-headed shower (in this fantasy we can afford that kinda sewage bill). floors are hardwood all around, and matching marble countertops in the bathroom(s). the kitchen is a nice tile as well. cabinets are a pretty hard wood as well. alternative is a nife spacious open loft with everything mentioned, except the balcony is much bigger and access to a rooftop deck of our own. a loooot of glass, a lot of natural light over looking a huge city. in the perfect world i'd have that view of the space needle on one side and the mountain range on the other.

cinnamon - if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?there are no previous time periods that are exactly good for women of color

cobweb - (if you’ve graduated) do you miss high school?fuck no. but i would still want to redo it better. the only thing i miss i not having to pay bills but.. everything else i dealt with wasn't worth the tradeoff

cranberry - what’s one physical feature that you get complimented on?uhh i don't get complimented. however, every year students have said "ohh she's really pretty!" lol like they're surprised and i'm not what they expected

maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.i can't rly think of any.

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?hazelnut flavored coffee w half and half, & 3 splenda

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?bad, i don't trust anyone to be good enough to be as such "inherently"

moonlit - are you a neat or messy person? Is your room / house orderly?SUPER NEAT  however, depression can get in the way of that. but even then my messy is not at all someone else's messy i'm just picky. my house and room are very orderly and i'm not fixing to have it be otherwise

flannel - have you ever gone on a bad date? not like a date horror story, and the one's i've had in my last & current relationship have been rly nice. but i think before some of the dates i had were certainly questionable

cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?i mean if i could have any i would try them all or change them at whim. rn though i just want my long dark curly hair again

ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?yeah dude, a ton to be honest. but it is what it is

[nicegoodgolden-blog]

All the One Direction asks :) xx

Oh my gosh. Im about to bore everyone e to sleep. (Tagging you, @petalsharry, because you sent me in a few too!) Here we gooooo…

What Makes You Beautiful: Name three things you love about yourself.My kids(they’re part of me)…honestly, that’s it…

Gotta Be You: Talk about your crush!Crush…hmm…so besides hubs, I’m gonna go with my man Niall Horan this time. WHAT A BABE…amiright?!

One Thing: What’s one thing your dream girl/boy HAS to have?A good heart

More Than This: What’s the bravest thing you ever did?Given birth…lol, I really don’t know…

Up All Night: Talk about the craziest night of your life.Probably the night in 11th grade when I got so drunk and started throwing up so hard that I lost my shoe somehow & partied with one shoe on for the rest of the night.

I Wish: What’s your biggest dream?I’d love to be a singer

Tell Me A Lie: What was your most recent lie?I told my son that if he ate his dinner he’d get a surprise…I am not above bribery.

Taken: Talk about your last relationship.I’ve only had one relationship really…and I married him, God help him

I Want: Name three things you want in lifeGood music forever, for people to love one another, for my children to grow up happy

Everything About You: Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?Harry Styles, for this question lol

Same Mistakes: What’s your most common mistake?I stay up too late

Save You Tonight: Which three things would you save if there was a fire?Things? Computer bc it has so many important photos on it, my kids old baby blankets, clothes for my kids

Stole My Heart: Have you ever fallen for someone you shouldn’t have fallen for?Boy, have I…

Stand Up: What’s your favourite sport?Basketball

Moments: Talk about something good that recently happened to you.I got to go grocery shopping all by myself without the hubs or kids & it was so relaxing

Another World: Which fictional world would you want to live in if you could?I just wanna go to Hogwarts

Na Na Na: What’s one thing you can never say no to?Fried chicken

I Should Have Kissed You: Is there something you regret?Im about to sound so cliche…but no. I really do t regret a thing. Everything I’ve done had gotten me where I am, and I like where I am

Live While We’re Young: Talk about a childhood memory.My fav is probably spending so much time with my Nana when I was younger

Kiss You: Tell the story of your first kiss.I was 15/16, I finally convinced my older crush (who liked me too) to come to the party my friend & I had while her parents were out of town…we ended up sitting on the front porch talking about life until like 6am…I walked him out to his truck as he left & he leaned in and it just kind of happened. It was both terrible & wonderful at the same time

Little Things: Name five things you find attractive in others.Intelligence, a good heart, sense of humor, musical talent is always nice, good hair

C'Mon, C'Mon: What’s your dream destination for a good vacation?Ireland

Last First Kiss: Do you want to get married? If so, talk about your dream wedding.I am…my wedding was my dream wedding lol

Heart Attack: Are you jealous?Nah

Rock Me: List your ten favourite bands.Bands? One Direction, Jonas Brothers, Kings of Leon, Rolling Stones, Nirvana, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, The Eagles

Change My Mind: Are you good at making final decisions or do you easily change your mind?I really don’t know…I’m really indecisive at first, but once I actually make a decision, I’m stuck with it

I Would: Name three guilty pleasures of yours.I hide some of my kids candy that they get from their grandmas house & eat it myself, I hide honeybuns so that I’ll have a stash when my husband thinks he’s eaten them all, sometimes I act like I have a bad headache so that my husband will pick up dinner on his way home from work so I don’t have to cook…in conclusion, I’m a fatass

Over Again: Talk about your first love.First love…idk if it was love…maybe it was. He was my first kiss. A wonderful guy that “got away.” He actually live a few houses down from me with his gf, lol. Damn tiny towns.

Back For You: Talk about your best friend.I miss her.

They Don’t Know About Us: Share a secret!I hate my husbands mustache

Summer Love: Talk about a summer memory.I spent a week in a beach house with my bff when I was 16/17…a good fuckin week, man

She’s Not Afraid: What’s your favourite horror film?Probably The Strangers……..“because you were home”

Loved You First: Are you a possessive person?Not too bad

Nobody Compares: Who’s your idol?No idol…but I really admire Harry Styles, wonderful human being

Still The One: What’s one thing you can’t seem to get over?RICHONNE ON TWD LIEK BITH I WAITED 5EVER FOR THAT TO HAPPEN AND IT FINALLY DID AND ILL NEVER GET OVER IT

Best Song Ever: List your ten favourite songs.Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley, Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones, all of MITAM (counts as the rest of the 10) lmao

Story Of My Life: List five things you can’t live without.Air, food, water, blood, food

Diana: What would you name your children?I’m not gonna give out my kids’ names…but if I ever have anymore, I love the names: Blythe Opal, Heslin James, Thea Rose, & Noah Silas

Midnight Memories: Talk about a dream you recently had.Last night I dreamt that Harry Styles was never a real person & he was a figment of our imaginations 🙃

You & I: Talk about your OTP.OTP within the fandom: Sophiam, I just loved them…I do love Chiam too, but Sophiam was just…wowOutside the fandom: Jack Dawson & Rose DeWitt Bukater…don’t make me elaborate because id be here typing for 8000 years

Don’t Forget Where You Belong: Where do you feel home?Anywhere that I get a certain vibe

Strong: What are your three best qualities?Um, motherhood is my best quality…my kids make me who I am. I don’t know about the other two, really…I mean, I can drink a 2liter of Dr. Pepper in one sitting & polish off a box of honeybuns in less than 24hrs…do those count?

Happily: Name three things that make you happy.My family, good music, people being nice

Right Now: Do you miss someone at the moment?Nah

Little Black Dress: How would you describe your style?Hobo-chic

Through The Dark: What helps you when you’re feeling down?My kids & music

Something Great: Where do you see yourself in ten years?Mommin’ it tf up

Little White Lies: Talk about your #1 sexual fantasy.Any sex that doesn’t involve trying to hurry before the kids bust through the door 💀

Better Than Words: Do you read fanfiction? If so, what’s your favourite fanfiction?Not a lot

Why Don’t We Go There?: Which big cities have you been to?Vegas, Houston, NOLA

Does He Know?: Would you be up for a threesome?No thanks

Alive: What’s one thing you’d never tell your “real life” friends?I really don’t know lol

Half A Heart: What’s your favourite lovestory? ( Book, film, etc. )Titanic

Steal My Girl: Did you ever steal anything?Once even I was 4 I stole Reese’s cups from the store & my mom made me go back in & apologize

Ready To Run: If you could have one super power, which would you choose?I’d fly

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?: Talk about the best concert you ever attented.Jonas Bros WYLMITE Tour. 4th row. Nick pointed & winked at me. I haven’t been the same since.

18: Do you wish you were younger or older?I’m good where I am

Girl Almighty: What makes you sexy?Lmao nuthin

Fool’s Gold: Do you fall for people quickly?I used to, yeah. I’m still quick to be infatuated though. I get attached to things/people easily

Night Changes: What’s one thing you don’t ever want to change?Good question…

No Control: Can you control your temper ?Most of the time

Fireproof: What scares you?Nothing, I’m fearless…kidding. Everything.

Spaces: Did you ever let someone go for good?Yes

Stockholm Syndrome: Name five kinks of yours.All I know is I like my hair pulled & my ass grabbed tight. Hollaaaaa

Clouds: What’s your star sign? Does your personality match it?I’m an Aquarius…is that the same as a star sign? Lmao idk

Change Your Ticket: What would you do with a million dollars?A lot of cool shit

Illusion: Do you believe in higher powers?I believe in God

Once In A Lifetime: What’s three things you want to do before you die?Meet Harry StylesHug Harry StylesMeet Harry Styles

Act My Age: Do you consider yourself mature?Sometimes…old soul, young heart

Just Can’t Let Her Go: Name five turn ons.Just be nice lmao & like good music

Phewwww…thanks babes xx