#actor to actor but sometimes within a single actors performance (like‚ sometimes the acting is awkward and wooden but in other scenes tl

[discountalien-pancake]

A League of Nobleman [sic] is compulsively watchable and also so unsettling, 9/10 ⭐️ would watch again

This kind of turned into an essay, so my non-spoilery thoughts are under the cut.

The Good:

Cinematography was unparalleled. Truly. I praised it before but I have to praise it again. The lighting choices were so good. The way they made the atmosphere early on feel so heavy and almost claustrophobic. Only a handful of scenes were too dark, but even then it didn’t totally detract from the storytelling. The way you couldn’t quite tell right away whether some scenes were dream sequences because of the lens work. The way characters were framed by doorways and windows and lighting and literal theatrical stages. I could go on all day.

And holy shit the acting. The performances are so good and the cinematography really allows every actor to shine. Chen Chou is played by the same actor who played Lan Jingyi in the Untamed and it’s like night and day. Don’t get me wrong, Jingyi was one of my favorite characters in The Untamed, but even though Chen Chou similarly is mostly comic relief in this, his performance feels more restrained, more believable, more rounded. Mental breakdowns in other cdramas often feel so artificial and over the top. In this show, even when the degree of madness starts to strain narrative believability and veer into melodrama, the way it’s portrayed is magnetic. And one of the characters spends 99% of their screentime just sitting and smiling sinisterly but it’s terrifying. Everyone in the show is terrified of them and when you see them and the way they carry themself and the way they speak, you completely understand.

The writing combined with the acting and cinematography makes you willing to suspend your disbelief. That seems like such a low bar, and yet. This show manages to balance the unbelievable magic and sorcery and mysticism with grounded, logical explanations but in such a way that the fantastical still works within this world. Is it magic? Is it trickery? Is it science? It ties in perfectly with the recurring theme of fake vs real.

Another point regarding the writing is that the characters skills don’t exist just to make them more attractive or badass. A lot of period cdramas have a habit of giving the main character some kind of Quirky Hobby at the beginning that is all but forgotten as the story progresses. Talents don’t actually matter to the plot, they’re only there to make the character talented. This show doesn’t do that!

Zhang Ping is a street vendor who makes noodles. The plot doesn’t have anything to do with food—it’s a detective drama with supernatural elements and an overarching conspiracy mystery. The street-vending doesn’t matter almost at all to the plot. But it matters to the storytelling. Hardly an episode goes by without Zhang Ping putting homemade food in front of someone he cares about. Food is how he shows affection. Tired? Sick? Depressed? He will make you food about it. Sometimes it’s played for laughs but there’s more than one scene where it’s a real punch in the feels.

Lan Jue can perfectly copy anyone’s handwriting. Forgery is one of the first ethically questionable things we see him do in the show, and in another show it might just be left at that. But in this one it is completely entangled with his backstory and motivations. It’s so well-integrated that you might not realize it right away when you get to the scene that explains how he came to have that skill. And it once again ties into the theme of real vs fake.

Every single character, no matter how minor, is treated with so much love and care by the storytelling. A lot of dramas treat minor characters as just plot devices. That’s not the case here. Every character has their own realistic motives and narrative continuity even if they’re only in one or two episodes. The show doesn’t just forget characters until they’re plot relevant (*cough*TheUntamed*cough*) and it doesn’t just senselessly slaughter all the characters for the melodrama (*cough*WordOfHonor*cough*). Characters who have a role to play in the overarching plot have frequent appearances and Do Things. They’re not just accessories to the main characters. No one feels like a caricature! Not even the silly bonkers old mentor figure who only shows up for like four episodes!

In terms of production value, the costumes were beautiful. They were not particularly elaborate or heavily embellished, but they felt so believable. The movement. The color symbolism. The literal physical weight of the clothes echoing the weight of their consciences. The fact that the extras were dressed with just as much care. You don’t get Main Character Costuming Syndrome with this show, which so many period cdramas are guilty of. I just love that they let the beautiful fabric and craftsmanship do the work. The textures are subdued but beautiful and there’s nothing that breaks immersion.

None of the props have that plasticky or Fake look. Weapons actually look like they’ll cut something! Gemstones don’t look like gumdrops (*cough*WhoRulesTheWorld*cough*)! And the masks! There are a number of masks in the show that are just so cool. The designs are sleek and simple and so aesthetic, none of that fancy filigree domino mask from Amazon crap that does literally nothing to hide the wearer’s identity. These masks completely obscure the actors’ faces, because they really don’t want you to know who is behind them. You can guess and you might even get it right but you won’t know until the characters reveal the truth.

And then there’s the books. Oh my god they must have spent so much of the props budget on all of the manuscripts and scrolls and books. The BINDINGS on them. Literally exquisite. Much of the plot has to do with the imperial examination system, either directly or tangentially, so they’ve got their noses in books and manuscripts for a significant portion of the show. The delicacy of the writing paper and the way it flutters on the desk when a breeze passes? The heft of the official documents? The way old, decaying manuscripts look brittle? The way Zhang Ping’s most beloved novels clearly look worn but are in such good condition despite how often he has read them?

Messy, grounded, weighty fight scenes. This show is fantasy, but it’s no xianxia or wuxia—if you want wirework you aren’t going to get it. There’s no fancy spinning just for the sake of spinning. Half of the fights end in the characters grappling or getting bashed in the head with a stick or rock. The fights are fights. They’re not there to be eye-candy. Everyone has a realistic level of ability and way of fighting that matches their personalities. The two scholars don’t just randomly have martial arts. Nobody is able to fly over a wall. There are no cheat codes. The fact that the physical limitations are so consistent actually makes the supernatural elements feel more real to me, in the sense that no matter what bonkers shit is happening in-universe, there must be a logical explanation. A lot of fantasy just handwaves things with “it’s magic!” And this show could easily have done that and made it work but it chose not to.

You don’t get those classic cdrama Hidden Villain shots from behind of the BBEG consulting with his cronies. You keep heading about the mastermind from the minor villains and victims, but the scope of knowledge is limited to what the characters themselves are able to learn or remember. Which means that when a character guesses something incorrectly, we’re on the same page and we’re not left banging our heads out of frustration that the answer is obviously something else.

Everything combined means the world and characters all feel so real. I hardly have to put in any effort to suspend my disbelief. So many shows do this smoke and mirrors routine of ‘we’re done with that now, don’t look too hard’ while this one feels like it’s almost daring me to look harder.

The Not Great:

I’ll be blunt, there is some pretty typical cdrama racism. It’s not a lot, but it’s there. The southern kingdom’s armies are depicted in a typical ‘savage’ aesthetic, though you really only see them in one episode and they’re fighting in a dense forest. There’s also the Hidden Ethnic Tribe With Mystic Powers, though this is not quite what it seems and I don’t hate it the way I do in some other shows/stories.

If a lack of female protagonists is a dealbreaker for you, you’re not going to like this. But if you gushed about The Untamed and complain about the lack of female characters in this I’m probably going to give you some bombastic side-eye. It’s a danmei and it’s going to be a long while before they fix the genre’s gender balance.

The editing. Specifically the censorship. A lot of the episodes are barely over 30 minutes long, including the ending credits. Most people speculate that it was in order to No Homo the two male leads, and this definitely did happen, but I think a bit of it was also political. Some of the messaging in the show is a little on the nose regarding corruption and a government’s responsibility towards its citizens. But yeah there’s like 10 minutes of material that got cut out of almost every episode. There’s literally like, 2 hours of missing footage. Which is Not Great! It doesn’t impact the plot, mostly, so you’ll still get a great story and sense-making progression. But it does really dampen the relationship development between the two leads. Even then, they did an amazing job with what screentime they were allowed. And there is a slightly bonkers re-dub in the last episode. I wouldn’t have necessarily realized it was a re-dubbed line if I hadn’t seen mention of it in another user’s post but it still sticks out as Very Weird in a show that until then was very coherently written. It’s very obvious in hindsight though, because they literally cut away in the middle of the character’s line delivery.

This show is based on a book that was not originally a danmei, and I don’t think it adheres to that book very closely (granted, I haven’t read it and won’t be reading it). But for some baffling reason they decided to keep two particular details the could have been cut without making any difference at all to the show itself. It almost feels like they’re just there to act as a No Homo. You’ll know them when you get to them, and trust me they won’t impact the show at all. You’ll just sort of. Be baffled.

The fucking English title.

The Neutral:

The genre of this is hard to pinpoint. I’ve definitely watched things like it before but if you asked me to name one I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It’s kind of horror, but also not. It’s definitely fantasy, but whether low or high is kind of impossible to say. I like that about it, but others might want something more clear-cut. I think that regardless of how it’s classified, the show did a great job of being what it is.

Culturally-specific references. The most important one in particular does get explained in-show, but if you’re not familiar with it, you won’t understand right away why everyone in the scene is so shocked. Name symbolism and poetry and calligraphy are among the other things that might go over your head, but generally speaking the show does a good job of explaining everything that is necessary for plot. Anything unexplained is just additional flavor.

In typical asian drama fashion, this show is a complete story in one season. It’s 29 episodes long and due to cutting is a bit abnormally short. I love the One Season, One Story format but for western audiences this might be a weird adjustment. It means the story has to have a clear ending in mind which keeps the pacing and plotting more coherent than in a lot of western shows that just limp their way to the finish line once funding runs out (*cough*SPN*cough*). Which isn’t to say that all one-season shows end well, but it i find it preferable to have an ending in sight. You’re less concerned about a show being canceled before the plot is resolved (*cough*Lockwood&Co*cough*).

It’s Very Polycule. There is no OTP. There is a slight rivalry and implied jealousy between Zhang Ping and one of Lan Jue’s other boyfriends, but he doesn’t have any such beef with Lan Jue’s other boyfriend and Lan Jue has no objection to Zhang Ping’s close friendships either. But even though I truly, wholeheartedly ship Zhang Ping and Lan Jue, I still enjoy the dynamics they have with other characters. I never felt annoyed at the supporting love interests for “getting in the way” because they…don’t. I can’t say much more without getting spoilery but there is only one vertex of the Love Shape who actually wants to interfere and get between the two leads. I found this to be very enjoyable but if you strongly desire a clear-cut OTP or enjoy dramatic jealousy/misunderstanding arcs, this probably isn’t for you. Yes, there is a midseason breakup, but it’s for other reasons.

Anyway I am now obsessed. I’m gonna wait a bit and rewatch to try and pick up on more of the moments that got cut subtle details.

[piracytheorist]

So I just watched the 2012 version of Les Misérables, and I've got to say, I've never felt so conflicted over crying for a film. Because it's not a fucking good film. It's an adaptation of a stage musical but it looks like there was nearly zero effort to adapt from stage to cinema.

In different mediums, the audience works differently in order to connect with the story and characters. A book doesn't provide visual scenes, but can be detailed enough for one's imagination to do the job. A comic has no movement, but if it's staged well enough the audience can connect point A to point B. Animation doesn't aim for realistic depictions (and Disney can kiss my ass on that) but suspension of disbelief can connect the comical reactions to the equivalent real-life reactions. Theater has excessive makeup and the actors act with bigger movements with placements that may make no sense in real life (as they have to face the audience, sometimes turning their backs on their co-stars during a dialogue) but if it's placed well you're engrossed enough in it that it shouldn't bother you. And also, theater has set changes.

In stage work, musical or not, you stare at the same scene the whole time. How one creates a set design and changes it during the performance is an entire art and section of study when it comes to theater. And two of the results of good set change is that the viewer 1) doesn't lose focus and immersion and 2) gets prepared for the next scene.

And then this film fucking forgot that theater and cinema need different transitions from one to the other. As I was watching it and felt shocked by the sudden changes - like, Valjean starts as a prisoner. Oh now he's free. Now he's on the streets being beaten up. Now he's taken in by the church. NOW HE'S STEALING FROM THEM?? Oh now he's caught by the cops. AM I WATCHING A FUCKING MONTAGE?? - I eventually started thinking how it would be like if these sudden changes were happening on a stage, and I realized that, if they're good enough set changes, I wouldn't have a single issue because hey, there's a reason it's cool to see the set changes. They prepare you. Because when I see Valjean in a prison and then he's on the road then he's on the streets then he's in a church, all within the manner of like, three minutes, it's fucking jarring on a screen, where the changes are radical and sudden.

And it was like that in the entire film. It was especially jarring between the scenes of Marius asking Eponine to go find Cosette and then BAM it's night and we're on the rebel base and Enjolras chastises Marius for choosing love over the rebellion. It's too sudden, man! And I know that the original book is fucking long but that is not an excuse. When you make an adaptation you have to make sure that what you create can stand on its own, that not everyone will have read the book/watched the stage play/seen other films inspired by it in order to like your creation. You're making an adaptation for the screen. Adapt! Improvise overcome etc etc

And another way the adaptation was poor? In stage musicals it's common to have the actors make small reactions to things happening or being said. Things like "It cannot be!" or "Is it true?" or even "Dear Lord!" are small phrases that a character sings/says to draw the audience's attention and show their reaction. Do you know how cinema does that? BY SHOWING THE CHARACTER ON THE SCREEN. On the stage, you have a wide scene, with the actors spread around it, and when they react to something they need to say something so that the audience will turn their eyes to them. On cinema you don't need to "manipulate" the audience's view, because you control it fully via the cameras. If the director wants the audience to notice something, they simply focus the cameras on it. So having both those "small" reactions and focusing on the actors' face during it is redundant and also fucking ridiculous.

That's not even mentioning the atrocious choice of recording the actors live. Whatever you want to say about "realism" in the singing (it's a musical it's not fucking realistic to burst into song irl what the fuck shut up!!) the biggest issue with it is that it has piss poor audio mixing. Long notes that would be belted out and stand out in the stage play or a decent mixing are now lost and covered by the orchestra. It's a waste of their talent!

And since I'm on the topic... what the fuck did they do with Russel Crowe. What the fuck. Because the man can obviously sing. He has some wonderful long notes and vocal control... and then they either coached him completely wrong for Javert's songs, or they made a huge miscast. I cannot judge him as an actor, I think he was good for the acting role, but the singing oh my god it doesn't fit his voice. Javert does that thing where he sings in the same note then jumps to a higher note for emphasis, and Crowe fucking sucked at that it was painful. Why. Why did they do both the character and the actor dirty. Who greenlit this. Who allowed this. Javert is a fucking main character and they made a whole mess of him I am going to crawl up a wall and scream

And then I had the audacity to fucking cry at the end because Hugh Jackman acted his soul out in the final scene and then the ending number pulled at my heartstrings. I hate it here.

[qnewsau]

A queer F.L.Y. on the wall during Lockdown

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/a-queer-f-l-y-on-the-wall-during-lockdown/

A queer F.L.Y. on the wall during Lockdown

F.L.Y. is a slice-of-life comedy about two exes turned friends, Max and Rafael, who get stuck together at the onset of the COVID pandemic after not seeing each other in years and stars Rafael Albarran and Trent Kendrick who also wrote the film and co-directed it.

They spoke to QNews in an exclusive interview in the lead up to F.L.Y. having its International premiere at the Mardi Gras Film Festival on Friday.

QNEWS: How did you two originally meet and how did you decide to write a movie together?

TRENT: We serendipitously met on 02/02/2020 on the dance floor. After Raf gifted me a book of poetry he wrote I instinctively knew we could write together. I had also been looking to write a film that was contained and could be made with a small budget. Soon after meeting, the pandemic hit while I was dog sitting and the idea naturally flowed from there.

RAFAEL: Trent kidnapped me and took me to a cabin in the mountains of Colorado after they announced the COVID lockdown. It was just him and I and no internet. I’ve always been a writer but never had written a script myself so F.L.Y. was meant to be that writing exercise for Trent to teach me screenwriting. After the first draft was done I told him we needed to actually make it happen. I think Trent didn’t believe we could make it happen till the day of our World Premiere at Outfest Film Festival in LA.

-What’s it like acting as the leads in a film that you’re also both co-directing and were there any funny moments around that?

TRENT: I’m a director but had not professionally acted and Raf is an actor but had not directed. We just trusted each other so much going into it. I will say it was a lot to have to perform in front of the camera for the first time while simultaneously juggling so much behind the scenes. There were many “tests” along the way that in hindsight are quite comical, like the day I chipped my front tooth midway through shooting. We had to emergency fix it the next morning to avoid major continuity issues. We were just dealing with so much outside every single take to pull the whole thing off. We joke that we could make another feature about the “making of” this one. Sidenote, Raf also did costumes which is a feat in itself.

RAFAEL: It felt like playing most of the time. I’ve been an actor all my life so that was something that I was very comfortable with. It was funny to me sometimes when Trent was having trouble with a specific line or a scene. I would direct him through my acting whenever we were shooting his close-ups and as a director/actor this was trippy and fun for me. -Max, the main character of the film is someone who is very straight acting and quite traumatised about being perceived as camp or being put in the spotlight. Why was that something you wanted to explore in the film?

RAFAEL: As a community and a society we’re all trapped in the binary walls created by our cisgender culture. There’s a freedom drag queens and gender non conforming humans possess as they are constantly revolting against it or playing with it. For us it was important to tell a story of the journey to authenticity and the freedom that comes when we put down those walls.

TRENT: I think there are many people like Max who don’t always feel represented in the gay community or by gay culture. I think we need to expand our ideas of what it means to be gay or who can be gay. We’re all so different and unique- if anything I think we need to be careful of too much homogeneity within the gay community. There are a lot of “straight acting” guys who are totally gay and are not “acting” at all.

-That part of the character resonated for me as someone who has PTSD as drag performers do have this tendency to pick uncomfortable looking people and pull them up on stage so I usually hide at the back. It’s not just the fear of being put in the spotlight as someone with a social phobia but also a fear of being perceived as prejudiced against camp gay men or drag queens if I refuse to participate when I actually do enjoy the other aspects of drag shows.The one time it did happen to me, my friend and I were virtually the only people in the audience and the drag queen got me to soap down an underwear model in speedos so that wasn’t so bad but I still live in fear! Do you think drag performers should be more mindful of that?

RAFAEL: As a drag queen I always say you should always be aware of how your actions are affecting your audience but also as a drag queen I know we are clowns that are here to push boundaries and show that sense of freedom and joy that you came to be entertained with. So my advice to a fearful human is to be aware that you’re entering at your own risk to this clown show!

TRENT: I think you have to meet people where they are and encourage them to have fun and blossom without being overly forceful. It’s important to respect people’s boundaries, we might’ve carried enough trauma already.

-The film focuses on two characters who were once romantic interests but are now friends. It’s very common for gay men to be friends with their exes or people they have slept with – almost to the point that it can be hard making friends with people that you haven’t slept with. Why do you think that is?

TRENT: Yeah, I’ve noticed that in my own life too. Some of my closest friends are exes. I think when you’re gay, intimacy is shared in more casual ways and then we find some of our chosen family through those connections. But I do have to say I’ve also found it difficult to make friends with other gay guys if one person is interested sexually and the other is not. That feeling of rejection might have something to do with why it can be hard to make platonic gay friends.

RAFAEL: I personally think that’s a strength from our community. Sex is either shamed or romanticised by straight cis culture when in reality sex can be many things. It can be a way to get closer to a human without any end goal more than that of getting closer and enjoying the pleasure of one another. In queer culture this is normalised in ways that it isn’t in straight circles and in my opinion this can be healthy and make stronger bonds as an effect of it. As queer humans, a lot of our first friends or chosen family members are lovers. For us it was important to tell a story about the importance of that chosen family. When shit goes down we have each other’s back and love doesn’t have one face, it’s infinite and there’s space in it for all sorts of love and relationships.

-I’ve sometimes found it hard to make friends with guys that I have no sexual history with, even when we’re both tops. Do you think maybe there’s an inherent sexual tension between gay men in the early stages of friendship even when they both aren’t interested in sleeping together?

RAFAEL: There’s sexual desire and tensions between all sorts of humans. Every human regardless of gender or sex holds sexual energy. We just happen to act more on it than straight or other humans because of our circles and culture. But trust me everyone wants to sleep with everyone. And we all should!

-The main characters in the film are trapped together when COVID hits and they have to go into lockdown. And there are so many aspects about that that were really universal experiences that will ring true to Australian Audiences like Tiger King and the phenomenon of toilet paper hoarding. Why do you think there were these sorts of crazes that ripped around the whole world during the pandemic?

TRENT: Short answer… because we were all stuck inside with nothing to do. One of those jokes that we really loved when we were wrote the script was when Raf asks Max “What day is it?” and Max responds, “April. Still April.” Do you remember when April dragged on for like five years? We really wanted to capture the zeitgeist of the time. One thing I wish we had included the washing of groceries, which many people did, myself included.

RAFAEL: We were writing the movie as soon as lockdown happened so I think we were capturing the moment because it was happening to us as we wrote it! Makes me happy you felt it. As the hoarding comes it just tells you so much about the human race and our relationship with fear. We often act from a place of lack instead of abundance and we definitely wanted to make fun and show this universal quality we all shared in that specific moment in time.

-One thing that will be different for Australians is how present the fear of dying from COVID is for the characters in the film and the people that are dear to them. Could you talk about that?

RAFAEL: Lots of people lost loved ones during COVID and it was impossible to have funerals at the time because of it. We wanted to pay tribute and show love to all those families that experienced loss during COVID lockdown.

TRENT: People were on edge in America in the beginning as the virus started spreading. Everyone was paranoid about COVID because there were so many stories of people dying. We didn’t feel like we would do the period justice without working in the story of loss and grief.

-The actresses who play Rafael’s grandmother and mother almost steal the show even though they mostly only appear in video calls. How did you find them and did they know each other before the movie?

TRENT: That was all Raf reaching out to his connections in Puerto Rico. They really do steal the show! There were a few more scenes with them that we had to cut, including an entire scene in Puerto Rico at Raf’s family house in the beginning. That was a real bummer to remove but in filmmaking, as they say, you lose babies along the way.

RAFAEL: They had never worked together! The actress that played Mama Yoly was my first acting teacher in college and it was so special for me to have her in my first movie as a writer/director. The actress that played my grandmother was submitted by one of Puerto Rico’s leading casting directors, my very good friend Patricia Alonso. When I sent her the character breakdown asking her for help because we were struggling to find her she immediately told me with confidence “This can be my mother! Send me a scene and I’ll send you a video of her!” And that’s all it took. They were perfect and we are so lucky to have them.

-Writer-director-actor Rafael Albarran will be in attendance for a Q&A after the film when it screens on 6.30pm on Friday, February 23 at the Ritz Cinemas in Randwick

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[philhoffman]

This week’s Monday Philm is a big one: Capote (2005), dir. Bennett Miller, for which PSH won the Academy Award for Best Actor and swept nearly every other major acting award that year.

It’s hard to write about Capote because I don’t know where to start. It’s one of the first PSH films I saw, but I didn’t fully appreciate it until I’d seen a lot of his other stuff. It’s so vastly different than almost anything else he did before or after. People latch onto the physical and vocal transformation, which is obviously impressive, but there’s really an air about this film that is ineffable yet evident when you watch it. In one scene, Truman says of In Cold Blood, “This is the book I was always meant to write”—and as unconventional as his casting may seem at first, this is one of the films Phil was always meant to make.

In a strange way, the Oscar and all of the awards almost create the opposite of the Streisand Effect for me with Capote. It’s SO well-known and PSH’s most famous and celebrated role and I must see it mentioned somewhere a dozen times every day, so it almost becomes background noise and I forget just how good it is. Then I watch it again and holy shit, it deserved every single one of those accolades. It gets complicated when I think about how much winning the Oscar changed things for Phil and his own mixed feelings about it, but ultimately he gave one of the greatest performances of the 21st century and I’m so glad he was recognized for it.

I watched Infamous (2006) this morning, “the other Truman Capote movie” starring Toby Jones that was released a year after Bennett Miller’s film, just out of curiosity. I enjoyed it—I’m biased towards Phil’s Truman but Jones was really, really charming—but there’s definitely a reason Capote won the acclaim (and it’s not just because it was released first). Production-wise, Capote is far superior. It’s nicer to look at, Danny Futterman’s screenplay is excellent, and PSH’s Truman Capote has more depth. He is so sad and traumatized. Even before Phil, I’ve always been interested in Capote as a writer and the fact that his upbringing is very, very similar to someone close to me (down to the same Alabama county in the same era) so his pain feels very personal. That sadness leaks through every frame of the film—Truman’s, along with the things Phil summoned from within himself.

But Truman is mean, too. He’s mean to Perry. He’s manipulative. That’s where Capote really sets itself apart from Infamous. Jones’ Truman is more flamboyant and fun, which was absolutely true to life, sometimes. And some people have criticized Hoffman’s Truman for being too serious—but I think that darker side is what it’s all about. That’s why Capote would alienate his friends, why he would die of alcoholism at 59, alone. He was capable of cruelty and Perry’s death did crush him in ways no one will ever know and Capote the film gives us just a peak at that mean streak, a hint of what’s to come.

And yet you do love him. It’s the deep sadness that spreads through so many of Phil’s characters, it’s channeling the real Truman himself, it’s knowing how much literal blood and sweat and snot and tears PSH put into this performance, it’s how delicate and beautiful he looks. It’s the way he says things wordlessly, with the tip of his head or an exhale of cigarette smoke, that Infamous required a dozen talking head-style interviews to communicate. Poor Truman.

Once in an interview, talking about Truman and Perry Smith’s relationship, Phil said, “When you die, the grief I will feel will be crushing.” I think about him saying those words a lot. I rarely get into it in depth or in detail here, on this blog, but needless to say his death is often crushing to me. So I really treasure these few hours a week I get to spend time with him on screen. Especially roles like this, where he’s practically unrecognizable—until he takes off his glasses to rub his eyes or make a little pout and there is Phil, our Phil, right here, alive, wonderfully so, and forever. I love cinema. I love stories. I love you, bastard.

[greensparty]

TV Review: Lucky Hank

What got my attention immediately about the new AMC TV series Lucky Hank is Bob Odenkirk. He is one of my favorite actors working today. Earlier this year, I named the final season of his series Better Call Saul my #1 TV Show of 2022 and I also got to cover his Hasty Pudding Man of the Year award at Harvard. He has had such an extraordinary trajectory: comedy writer for SNL, performer and cast member on The Ben Stiller Show and Mr. Show, to more serious acting in Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul, Nebraska, Fargo, and even an action movie like Nobody. Less than a year after BCS ended, he is back on an AMC series as Professor Hank Devereaux.

Season 1 poster

Hank is the english department chairman at an underfunded PA college. He and his wife Lily (Mireille Enos of AMC’s The Killing) live in suburbia, but sometimes dream of NYC and in fact she is seeking a job there. Hank’s father is a renowned author and professor and he hasn’t had any contact with him in 15 years. His grown daughter Julie is now married and having issues with her husband. Hank’s English department staff are not big fans of his handling of the department. The one salace he has is his friend Tony (Diedrich Bader of Veep). The entire series begins with Hank ranting on a student, which creates quite a stir.

Enos and Odenkirk

What I love about this series is the way it shows one character getting hit from all sides: his wife, daughter, staff, faculty, students, and parents are all getting on him about something, in some cases multiples in the same scene. It’s not too often you see this happening effectively, the exception coming to my mind is Paul Thomas Anderson’s Punch Drunk Love, in which Adam Sandler’s character is getting hit from all sides within a single scene. In Lucky Hank, the protagonist is straddling a line between midlife crisis and full-on meltdown and it takes an actor of Odenkirk’s caliber to straddle that line between snarky cynicism and depression from suppressed trauma, while maintaining a degree of humor. And his entire English department staff is such a unique set of scene-stealers: extreme intelligence, but so critical and competitive with each other. As much as I enjoyed this show and it being a showcase for Odenkirk and the cast, I did wonder after the season finale (semi-spoiler) if the writers went all in on this season and where could it go from here? I guess we’ll have to see. In the meantime Odenkirk has swung it out of the park again!

For info on Lucky Hank: https://www.amc.com/shows/lucky-hank--1061358

4 out of 5 stars 

[thursdaygarbageday]

Red: A Charlie's Angels Story

Once upon a time in Moldova, three friends—Michael, Chuck, and Chris—were on a quest for adventure. They had heard rumors of a hidden treasure buried deep within the mysterious forests of Moldova and decided it was their chance to become legends!

As they ventured into the woods, Michael, the optimist of the group, declared, “You know what they say: ‘The of a thousand miles begins with single step!’” which Chuck, the realist, replied, “Yeah, but that first step better not lead us into a bear’s den!”

Chris, the jokester, chimed in, “Well, I’d rather walk into a bear than listen to another one of Michael’s inspirational quotes!” The group burst into laughter, and even some trees seemed to shake in amusement.

As they delved deeper into the forest, they stumbled upon an ancient-looking chest. “This must be it!” Michael shouted excitedly. But just as they approached, Chris paused and said, “Wait! What if it’s cursed? Like that time Christopher Plummer played a cursed actor in a movie!”

Chuck rolled his eyes, “I think you’re mixing up your stories, Chris.” But Chris was undeterred. “I’m just saying, ‘The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.’ So let’s be honest, should we open this chest?”

In a moment of bravery mixed with curiosity, they opened the chest, expecting gold or jewels. Instead, they found… a collection of Plummer's quotes carved into wooden plaques! “Well, this is unexpected,” Chuck said, chuckling.

Michael grabbed a plaque and read aloud: “You’re only as good as your last performance.” Chris laughed, “Guess we need to step up our game then!”

As the sun began to set, they realized that the real treasure wasn’t gold or jewels, but the laughter and memories they shared. “And we thought we were going to be rich!” Chuck said, shaking his head.

“Hey, at least we’ve got plenty of memorable quotes now!” Chris grinned. With that, they headed back, ready to share their tale with everyone, proving that sometimes the best adventures are filled with laughter and good friends.

As they left the forest, Chris couldn't help but add one last quote for the road: “Life is like a stage, and we’re all just mere players… but I’d still prefer to be the lead!”

[erotomania-if]

Welcome to your life as a film star!

At 19 you broke onto the scene after your debut role in a low-budget independent movie became a film festival favourite across the globe. Sky-rocketing you into the public eye and opening doors into the industry most could only dream of, you decided to grab the opportunity, moving your whole life across the pond to America, determined to follow this path wherever it would lead.

Now, at 24, it seems like you can do no wrong. A popular and well liked household name, with a string of acclaimed performances under your belt, you’ve quickly become one of your agency’s favourite stars. And, with your biggest role to date just within your grasp, it seems that your shine is only going to continue to get brighter.

Behind the scenes, however, is another matter. 

After a whirlwind romance, and an impulsive Vegas wedding, with Tinsel Town’s most notorious trouble-maker, it took less than a year for you to walk in on them in bed with someone else. It’s been a month since the woman sold her story to the press and, since then, life has felt like one long damage control event as you try to figure out how to get through this with both of your careers intact.

Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Features 

Customise your name, gender, appearance, filmography and personality.

Explore 5 romance options, 2 of them gender selectable.

Navigate the press, your fans, your agency and your loved ones, while you try to keep your house of cards together.

Throw parties, attend an award ceremony or two, head to Vegas for the big fight, star in a movie, do interviews... the world is your proverbial oyster!

Please keep in mind that this is meant to be a **fun** project, a place to play around with coding and try to find out exactly how much variation is too much, all to better help me with my demo for my main project. This is going to be a perpetual WIP, the main thing I’ll be focusing on first is the character creator, and getting to know the characters a little better. Then, this story will be updated in chunks rather than chapters, hopefully with plenty of feedback from the people who choose to come along with me on this lol. Also this is 18+ 

So, for those of y’all choosing to stay.... 

Character Descriptions Under the Cut!

RO’s

Hope Holloway, 29 (m / f / nb)

- The Spouse - 

With platinum blonde hair, pale skin, and a myriad of tattoos, they look every bit the celebrity wild child the general public knows them as. A lean 6′1, and infamous for their quick temper, they’re the charismatic frontman of the band Lost Hope, a gossip page favourite, and the person who broke your heart. 

Will you be able to work through it? Or has your whirlwind romance finally reached its end? 

American / Caucasian 

Christian/Christina Russo, 35 (m/ f)

- The Co-Star - 

5′10 with sun kissed skin, big brown eyes, and lightly tousled shoulder length hair, your two time co-star, and one of the biggest headliners in the industry, has taken the public shipping of the pair of you by fans with nothing but grace and good humour. A dedicated single parent, talented actor, and well-known hardworker, there’s plenty of reasons to admire them. 

And, if the gossip pages are to be believed, you’ll soon be working together more closely than ever. 

British / Italian

Samata Boateng, 26 (f)

- The Documentarian - 

An athletic 5′2, with rich brown skin and braids that fall to her waist, she has already proven herself capable of hiding her more cutthroat tendencies behind a smokescreen of sweetness and smiles. Frequently the smartest person in the room, her determination knows no bounds and, unfortunately for you, you’re the person now standing between her and her next big break. 

Will you manage to keep your act together? Or will this documentary prove to be your downfall?

American / Iranian / Ghanaian 

Jamie Walsh, 28 (nb)

- The Stranger - 

A complete unknown. Appears to work at least a dozen different service jobs that keep your paths crossing, sometimes in the strangest of places. 5′9 with perpetually unkempt hair and a penchant for black clothing, their world could not be any more different than your own, a fact made only all the more obvious by the fact that they seem to have no idea who you are.

Will you set them straight? Or will you play along and indulge in the charade of normalcy for just a little longer?

American / Irish

Anjelo Manu, 25 (m)

- The Bodyguard - 

Hired by your Agency in response to some of the more concerning fanmail that’s been sent your way since the story broke. Despite his relatively young age, standing at 6′4, and nearly 300lbs of pure muscle, this mountain of a man came highly recommended and is known professionally for being quiet, polite and unerringly dedicated to his job. 

He may be your employee, but with his kind eyes and surprisingly gentle nature, will you find there’s more to this man than meets the eye?

Tongan / Japanese

Side Characters

Harriett ‘Harry’ Langford, 24 (f)

- Your PA -

You’ve known Harry your whole life, your best friend through thick and thin, when you made it into the big leagues it only made sense that she would come with you. A constant lifesaver and your proverbial rock during the low times, you don’t know what you’d do without her by your side through this.

Molly Russo, 5 (f)

Adorable and charming, truly a miniature version of her famous parent, she lives her life the way only a five-year old can, believing she is the centre of the universe. For better or worse, and whether you like it or not, she seems to have taken a shine to you in particular.

Mack and Cheese, 6 and 2 (m)

Hope’s not-so faithful hounds. Both Rottweilers, Mack is calm, gentle, and a trained guard dog, while Cheese is... none of those things. Truly the idiot child of the family but no-one would have him any other way. Except, possibly, Mack.

[cyberpunkboytoy]

Fuck it, DMMD English dream casting

I doubt any of these actors would agree to provide an English dub for the game, but...I can dream. I can specifically dream of:

Sean Chiplock as Aoba

Ben Diskin as Noiz

Bryce Papenbrook as Clear (+ Alpha)

Chris Hackney as Koujaku

SungWon Cho as Ren

Linda Young as Tae

Johnny Yong Bosch as Virus 

Keith Silverstein as Trip

Max Mittelman as Beni

Robbie Daymond as Ryuuhou

Zeno Robinson as Akushima

Yuri Lownethal as Sei

Rambling justifications & voice examples below

Typed in order of how strong my feelings are about the idea:

This whole list is purely because I was going through Koujaku’s route and had the thought “Robbie Daymond would fucking Kill It as Ryuuhou.” I think Yuri Lownethal would also be very fitting, specifically to match the original seiyuu’s sweet, light voice, but I’d personally prefer to see Daymond’s interpretation more. He could perform the hell out of cloyingly sweet to slow, crazed theatrics. He’s like, too good for this role. God it’d rule so much.

I always imagine Tae with Linda Young’s voice, primarily based on her performance of Genkai from Yu Yu Hakusho. That’s the OG old lady voice for me, and it feels so fitting sometimes I forget it isn’t already canon.

Noiz as Benjamin Diskin is a very biased choice (he’s one of my favorite VAs), & not the one I think most people would choose for the character. But he has a massive vocal range, including some low vocal performances, and I think would add a hint of boyishness that would compliment Noiz well. (also he’s been the English counterpart for another Satoshi Hino role so I just think it’d be funny.)

I knew Ren needed a low voice that was incredible to listen to, so of course SungWon Cho is the perfect man for the job. Also he rules.

I originally had Johnny Yong Bosch and Sean Chiplock swapped, with Chiplock being Virus (if only because he’s a furry and therefore it’s funny). But the more I thought about it the more I realized Johnny Yong Bosch seemed to suit Virus more. His voice just feels right in the role.

It was very difficult to think of an actor for Aoba. He needs a fantastic voice to listen to, very nice sounding, but also be able to have some grit and anger, and also be able to play Sly as well. I originally thought Johnny Yong Bosch because he’s well known for playing very different roles in the same media, but eventually I decided Sean Chiplock would be better suited for capturing Aoba’s unique charm and attitude. Sean Chiplock has massive range, so I kind of want him to be...everybody? He and Yuri Lowenthal could just do every single male extra and I’d be happy. But also Chiplock’s acting rules so he can’t just be extras, but he can nail any role so it was hard to chose who? I thought Toue and Sei and Virus, but I think he deserves Aoba. Ultimately I don’t know of a voice he’s done that screams Aoba to me, but I’m sure he could find it.

Like Aoba, thinking of a voice for Clear was similarly tricky (especially to also act as Alpha, who doesn’t share a VA with Clear in the original Japanese but I think would be a neat choice), but Bryce Papenbrook has the acting chops. Not only do I think he could nail that silly, boyish comedy-relief vibe, but also put himself into the more melancholic moments of Clear’s arc. And then get completely crazed as Alpha. (Papenbrook is incredible at playing diametrically-different roles within the same series and I wanted to highlight that.)

Chris Hackney can do a laid back, casual sort of friendly voice, but also perform incredible growls and violent anger. If he found the right voice for Koujaku he’d absolutely kill the performance.

Keith Silverstein could do a good Trip. Simple as that.

Zeno Robinson could do a good Akushima and also I just. Want him in things. 

Max Mittelman could perform a really funny Beni, I think. The only similar role I’ve seen him do is Plagg but I bet he has more mascot character energy in him.

Yuri Lownethal could do a good Sei. Seems like a waste of his potential though. Have him do 50 extras as well, I need more Yuri Lowenthal.

You might notice Mink isn’t here. I am terrified to even begin the process of choosing an actor for Mink.

[mindibindi]

They are destroying Rebecca’s character this season and this Sam bullshit is the final nail in the coffin for her. What the f*** are they doing to their female lead ??

Well, I suppose this is the danger of offering resolution early in the piece and why so few television writers do it, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Because then there is the looming question of What Happens Next. So many writers prove that, while they may have the imaginative juice to create, they don't have what it takes to re-invent.

Whether you understand her as the protagonist or the antagonist of the first season of Ted Lasso, Rebecca's big revenge plot drove s1, gave it a clear narrative arc. This inaugural season likewise gave her character a clear and compelling arc. You could posit that, while Rebecca's pain drove season 1, Ted's pain is meant to be driving season 2...? But whatever Ted is going through does not have as clear-cut an objective so it is not giving the same sense of cohesion or direction. Within her s1 arc, we got to see Rebecca feel angry, frustrated, victorious, smug, thwarted, conflicted, heart-broken and vulnerable. Last season gave Hannah Waddingham so many opportunities to show the range of her skills as an actor and I still hope she wins an Emmy for this performance. But I doubt she will be winning any awards for her performance this season.

Most situation comedies stick to the same situation, snapping their characters back to where they were at the beginning of each episode. Certainly, this formula can become repetitive and dull after years. Ted Lasso received a great deal of praise when it broke this formula by offering resolution at the end of its first season no less. It broke the no-hugging-no-learning mantra of so many sitcoms when it allowed Rebecca to learn from her trauma, come clean and literally embrace Ted as a valuable part of her life. Since her character went on the biggest journey of the season, the question of What Happens Next was always going to be more significant for her than it was for any other character on the show.

Season 1 of Ted Lasso made me fall in love with Hannah Waddingham and the character of Rebecca Welton. But as much as it pains me to say it, in s2 she is nothing like the problematic powerhouse we met in s1. Her friendships with Keeley and Higgins continue on nicely enough. She's had some good moments with characters she had little interaction with in s1, like Roy and Nate. And it was great to meet her mother and god-daughter. But this fleshing out of the character is mostly work around her rather than work that propels her forward in any meaningful way. I understand that some people may be content just to watch Rebecca living her best life after the intensity of last season. But, for me, the pursuit of heterosexual romantic love by a woman to the exclusion of all else is a problematic aim since women have been told for centuries that securing a man is the single most important thing they can achieve in their lives.

Rebecca wants love and doesn't want to be alone. She's stated that, that's canon and that's fine. But romance seems to be Rebecca's ONLY aim, her single focus. We haven't seen her do anything in her role as club owner except make a phone call and look sharp, which I admit she does well. The woman looks INCREDIBLE. But if you are in your right mind (at least in my opinion), you are not expecting this amazing woman to end up with a pretentious windbag, a hot booty call or a wildly inappropriate youngster. So it all seems a bit aimless, purposeless. All of this dithering about with wrong dudes is just a waste of time when we have limited time with these beloved characters. We know we are only getting three short seasons of this show and I don't want to spend a full season watching a previously complex female character stare at her phone, only ever prompted into (questionable) action by her cute best friend. And I DEFINITELY don't want to watch...whatever the fuck they think this thing is with Sam.

Frankly, I am still flabbergasted that they have chosen this path. They genuinely seem to think that their audience will enjoy this as some hot romantic adventure...? And hey, a small but vocal minority are. Some diehard fans are trying to hold onto their faith with white knuckles. And the rest of us are just over here in compete and utter shock at the suddenness of the decline in this show's quality and ethics. The latest justification some fans are rather desperately grasping at seems to be that Rebecca's actions stem from her trauma. Now...okay. Trauma can be responsible for many things. But not this. Trauma can make you act in v strange ways but I don't see the connection here. I can clearly see how Rebecca's trauma from her first marriage dictated her actions towards Ted in s1. That is a very clear line to draw. I can see how, after her disastrous marriage, her judgement may be off and she may go for someone like John Wingsnight: someone safe, solid and appropriate. Again, a clear line to draw. I can also see why she would indulge in fun, shallow sexual relationships with the waiter in Liverpool and her booty call from bantr. All normal, understandable behaviour for a woman in her situation. And a v clear narrative line for the writers to draw. No problems there. Her actions in each of these cases can be traced back to Rupert and his abuse. But I cannot for the life of me draw a line between Rupert and Sam. As a traumatic reaction, that does not make a shred of sense to me.

It's true that sometimes those who have been abused become abusers, not that I'm saying Rebecca is abusing Sam in this scenario. What I am saying is that most trauma survivors will go out of their way to avoid becoming anything like their abusers. Most survivors try their damnedest to break the cycle of abuse, not perpetuate it. Most victim-survivors will act, sometimes even to their own detriment, to spare others from being impacted by their pain and trauma. Trauma and abuse does not break your moral compass. If anything, it makes it stronger. Trauma and abuse heightens your sensitivity to what is right, just and honest. Having seen Rebecca ultimately unable to follow through in her trauma-inspired revenge plot on Ted, it does not make sense to me that she is blindly (without any of the nuanced inner conflict of s1 Rebecca) allowing her trauma and abuse to lead her into a situation that not only emulates her ex-husband's hurtful, unethical behaviour, but endangers what is now supposed to be so valuable to her.

All the press for s2 as spruiked Rebecca as a dating disaster but enthusiastically committed to her club. There is a huge difference, however, between charmingly, comedically 'messy' and inept to the point of self-destructive stupidity. I just don't buy her as this dumb. Yet here she is, after all her dealings with the savage British press last season, endangering the reputation of herself, her club and one of its most vulnerable players. Oddly enough, the Rebecca we saw in s1, with her many layers and nuances, seems to me to be a far more moral (not to mention interesting) rendering of this character. This Rebecca was motivated by injustice, she had an acute understanding of what was and wasn't right. It's why she conceived of her revenge plot and also why she ultimately dropped it. It is one thing for writers to propose that there are multiple steps on the way to healing. It is one thing for them to lead a character into a dark forest full of conflict and complication. But, from what I can tell, some people don't know the difference between a dark forest and straight-up bad writing. And it really fucking shows.

[spidernerdsblog]

Wildest Dreams

Pairing: actor! Tom Holland x actress! Reader

Summary : Based on Taylor Swift’s song Wildest dreams. You thought Tom was the love of your life but it was just one of your wildest dreams.

Warnings : 18+,SMUT, mature content, infidelity, angst, tom being a douchebag.

"Today we have with us the Oscar winning renowned actress the one and only Y/N Y/L/N!" The RJ hyped you up. 

"Hello everyone" you spoke on the mic in front of you smiling. 

"Well first of all congratulations Y/N on your big oscar win." 

"Thank you so much. I’m still recovering from it not gonna lie." You chuckle. The RJ asked you a bunch of other questions which you replied cheerfully. 

"So you have been casted to play Morgan Stark in the next part of Marvel Avengers movie." 

"Yes and I am looking forward to it. Being in a Marvel film was always on my wishlist and I can finally tick it off." 

"Do you feel yourself under pressure as you will be continuing a legacy?" 

"It’s definitely a pressure playing Tony Stark’s daughter and living upto the standards of none other than RDJ. Luckily he is personally mentoring me and I think I’ll fare well. I have read the script which I can't reveal much but playing the grown up version of Morgan who is a part of the Avengers will be a lot of fun." 

"Well saying so you are also going to be sharing screen with Tom Holland after a long time. What do you have to say about the rumours  of you being speculated as the possible reason behind his relationship with his fiancee hitting the rocks?" you took a moment before answering the question. 

"Well a lot of things fly in the air we don't catch on everything right? And I have always made it clear that we never dated, we are just friends that's all."

"So you are still single?" 

"And not interested to mingle." You chuckle. 

"Well it was nice to have you with us today, Y/N."

"It was my pleasure. Love you guys bye."

The show ended and you headed out of the office building for the pre production meeting arranged by Marvel with the whole cast. You were sitting in your posh car, the last question of the RJ about your relationship with Tom still spiraling in your mind. You reminisced about one of your past mistakes. Though you wouldn't call it a mistake because you fell for a wrong person but when he left he gave you a life lesson which you will remember in your lifetime that 'nothing lasts forever'. 

It started with a small Instagram follow but who knew it would take you down like that. 

It all happened 2 years ago in a promotional show just like this. Your acting career had just begun and you had managed to create quite a buzz in and around the industry delivering two blockbusters mesmerizing the critics and audiences with your spectacular performance in your three year acting career. You were in a radio show for the promotion of your upcoming movie. The RJs were interviewing you.

"Well Tom Holland was here the other day and we asked who he likes among the upcoming new talents in the industry. He said and we quote that you are cute, sexy and very talented." the lady said. 

"Well what do I say thank you Tom." you giggle shyly. 

"Have you guys ever met?" the other male RJ asked. 

"Not really, though we had a chance to interact during the comic con. But I really admire his work and would love to work with him in future."

"But I have to inform you that he is a little disappointed that he follows you but you never followed him back." the lady jokes. 

"Well I can fix that I guess.'' You took out your phone from your jeans pocket and opened your insta app.

"And here we go, officially following Tom Holland." You said tapping the follow button.

"I hope now you are not upset anymore, Tom." you chuckle.

In less than a month you were signed up for a Netflix movie. It was a rom com and you were casted opposite none other than Tom Holland. The shooting began within two months.

You were on the set sitting in your trailer facetiming your mom. 

"Honey are you eating well?" Your mom asked.

"Yes mom I am." You assured her when you heard a knock as the door of your trailer opened and the person’s head popped in, it was Tom. You waved your hand to usher him in. 

"Five minutes please." You mouthed to him

"It’s okay," he mouthed back sitting on a chair. 

"Who is it?" Your mom asked.

"It's my costar you know him, the guy from spiderman." You inform her.

"Oh the one you have a crush on?" 

"Mom!" You shrieked utterly embarrassed with your mom revealing your secret.

"What? You only said that he is cute." 

"Ok-ok I get it you made your point but I have to go now, I'll talk to you later."

"OK sweetie take care." 

"Yeah bye mom." You ended the call heaving a sigh of relief and turned towards him. 

"Ignore my mom. I just told her that you were cute in the homecoming movie and she just assumed I have a crush on you." 

"Oh that's fine." He gave you a warm smile.

"So what's up?" You chirped.

"Umm just here to talk about the scenes we are going to shoot tomorrow together."

"Oh you mean the sex scenes?"

"Umm yeah." He said uneasiness clearly in his voice.

"Tom Holland nervous about some sex scenes?" You joked.

"No-no it's, it's not like that. I just want to make sure that you are comfortable tomorrow so I just wanted to discuss it beforehand."

"Oh that's really nice of you. Well honestly I'm always nervous before such scenes. Though it's partial nudity but still the scenes are quite passionate and vividly described." 

"Don't worry I'll try my best to make it easy and comfortable for you."

"Thank you Tom."

"Pleasure is all mine." he smiled. 

The next day on the set the director gave you the last minute reading of the scene that you are going to shoot. You and Tom walked in the frame. As per the script you guys play characters who are friends with benefits but both of you grow feelings for each other. When one confronts the other it leads to an angsty moment but soon turns into passionate love making. 

The camera started rolling and as soon as the director said "action!". You both got into your characters and played your parts flawlessly as per the script. 

"Why don’t you find someone who doesn’t hurt you?" You ask

"But I love you, Emma." Tom replies with a soft tone.

"Liam you don’t understand I was never good at this." You say with frustration in your voice.

"What.. talking?" He sarcasms.

"Yeah talking, communicating, relationships.." You were cut off as he captured your lips for a kiss.

"Well neither was I but we can figure it out slowly." his gaze was intense as your eyes were glassy. 

The next thing you did was, crashed your lips to his. It had to be a very messy sloppy one so both of you rolled your tongues into each other’s mouth. You popped open the buttons of his shirt out of desperation and then pushed him onto the bed. Tom plopped on the soft mattress as you got up to straddle him around his waist pulling your sweatshirt off your body revealing your red lacy bra underneath. Tom let out a light gasp it wasn’t to happen but the whole act turned him on as he felt blood rushing down south. You carried on the act like a true professional and leaned on to his face capturing his thin lips. He deepened the kiss holding your face and you kept on grinding on his crotch. The kiss grew heavy then you were suddenly aware of the growing bulge underneath you but you continued anyhow 'he is a human getting aroused is normal' you kept on repeating that in your mind. His hand trailed up your back and unclasped your bra. 

And with the scene coming to an end the director shouted "cut!" 

"Well done you guys." The director praised. You pulled away and got off him as the costume runner handed you your robe to cover you up, you slipped it on and tied it around your body. 

Tom's eyes never left you as you made your way back to your trailer to retouch your makeup and take a rest before the next scene starts. He was always known to be a professional but you made his mind go haywire. You on the other hand could only think about the scene, how you felt his hard on though it wasn't his fault it happens sometimes you reminded yourself. 

After the unit packed up for the day you were on your way back to your car as you heard a car honking behind you. You stopped as the car pulled over and the windows rolled down. 

"Need a ride?" Tom asked sweetly. 

"No thanks, I have my own." You gave a tight lipped smile.

"C'mon it's been a hectic week for both of us we should really blow off some steam and I don't want to get drunk alone too."

"Okay." You gave in breaking into a smile. You sat in the front seat as he drove the car while you texted your manager Mike about your change of plans. 

"So where are we going?" you ask. 

"Just in and about the town.'' everything went silent again before Tom cleared his throat and began. 

"Umm listen Y/N I'm.."

"It's okay Tom it happens sometimes I didn't mind anything." You cut him off saving him and you from  the awkward conversation. He took you to a local pub and had a few drinks together. Later you got back into the car both of you totally buzzed. You were laughing about something as Tom kept staring at you. 

"What?" you ask giggling. What came into his mind you don't know as he just straight up went to grab your face and kissed you, catching you off guard. You pushed him away, bewildered. 

"Tom! What are you doing?!" 

"Sorry, sorry, I-I just couldn't control myself. Ever since I saw you like that you are the only thing in my mind." he rambled. 

"But that doesn't mean you can kiss me."

"Don't tell me you didn't like it." his voice low as he brought his hand to your cheek. 

"Well.." Your words were stuck in your throat as your gaze dropped to his lips and you leaned forward to kiss him again fervently. 

"Your place or mine?" He asked, pulling away gasping. 

"Whichever is close." You said out of breath.

He never drove his car this fast the way he drove tonight to reach his apartment rented by the production company for him. You weren't even completely inside his apartment as he crashed his lips and pushed you against the door. You moaned into the kiss as he picked you up and carried you to his bedroom. 

You woke up the next morning as the sunlight hit your face squinting your eyes open. You stir on the bed to find yourself tangled in bedsheets and in the arms of Tom.

"Goodmorning, love." His voice husky as he looks down at you with his soft brown eyes. You sit up abruptly holding the sheets to your chest wide eyed as you recollect the memories of last night. Mike your manager had always warned you that you should avoid getting into any kind of relationship with your costars. You are young and new to this industry, a good image is what you need right now. 

"No, no, no this was a mistake. This should have never happened." You repent holding your head. Tom sits up holding your shoulders comfortingly. 

"Hey-Hey it’s okay. Last night was really good.I understand you don't know me well and your career has just begun so you don't want a relationship but that doesn't mean we can't have a little bit of fun." saying so he went for a kiss but you pull away.

"That's not the point Tom! We are colleagues and I want to keep it that way. And this will never happen again. This will be the first and last." You made it clear and left his apartment.

🥀

However Tom made it a mission to tease the hell out of you on set. You would often find him subtly touching you whenever he got the chance, when you were sitting together his fingers lazily dancing around your thighs making you shiver as he flashed you a cocky grin because he is totally aware of what he is doing to you. 

You reached your breaking point on the day you had to shoot another sex scene. The scene required minimal clothing. You would be just wearing your underwear and modesty patches to cover your breasts which will leave little to anyone's imagination. You took off your robe and lied down on the bed underneath the white covers Tom got on top of you in just his boxers. You licked your lips as you saw the prominent outline of his dick through the fabric which only reminded you of the night you slept together. He propped over you on his forearms a pillow kept between you. 

As the director shouted 'action', Tom leaned down to kiss you, dragging his lips down your body, sucking on to your skin as he massaged your breast with his hand. He could feel your nipple harden through the patch as you began to let out small moans as per the script. The heat radiating from his body was so overwhelming you could just think of him railing you to the mattress. Heat pooled between your legs and you were thankful that there is a pillow separating you or else he would easily get to know how wet you are. 

You closed your eyes, hands slipping on to his back letting out fake moans as he carried on rutting his hips on the pillow. Suddenly a chill ran down your spine when you felt two slender fingers brushing near your heat. 

"Did I make you wet, darling?" he whispered, chuckling lowly into your ears. Your breath hitched as you felt your cheeks heat up but you had nothing much to do than just go on with the scene. 

The scene ended as soon as the director said "cut!" And you were more than thankful as you quickly slipped into the robe. But you were hot and bothered as you exchanged glances as you both agreed to an unspoken agreement. 

And a few agonising moments later you find yourself bent down gazing at your flushed out reflection with droopy eyes in the dirty mirror of one of the restrooms on set you both snuck into to relieve your sexual frustration. Your dress bunched up to your waist as Tom thrusted inside you hard and fast. 

"Fuck darling! This feels so better when I actually get to fuck this pretty little pussy instead of wasting my energy humping a damn pillow." He grunted drawing back his hip to slam right into you as you jolted forward trying to keep yourself steady gripping on the edge of the marble.

"Fuck Tom!" you moaned. Your legs felt wobbly; knees on the verge of giving out as Tom’s hands expertly supported you. One of his hands slipped between your thighs rubbing circles stimulating your sensitive bud. You gasped at the added pleasure. 

"Tell me sweetheart who is fucking you so well?" He asked cockily.

"You T-Tom you." you were finding it hard to form proper words.

"Damn right." he chuckles. 

Just then there was a knock on the door. You squeaked in surprise and Tom immediately covered your mouth with his hand. You glared at him through the mirror.

"Miss Y/L/N?" It was your assistant Rebecca. Tom removed his hand from your mouth still going on with his menacing pace.

"What the fuck?!!" You seethed.

"You were being loud." he Whisper yells. 

"Mam are you there?" She asked again.

"Yeah- yeah. What is it?" You stuttered.

"The next shot will be ready in half an hour. You need to go for your makeup." 

"Okay .. ah i’ll be there in a few minutes." You tried to answer as energetically as possible.

"Mam are you okay?" she asked with concern in her voice. 

"Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just-just go I’ll be there." Tom had a smug grin plastered on his face. You rolled your eyes. His eyes darkened dripping with lust as he thrusted deep inside you again, hitting your spot as you moaned loudly but he pulled you back by your neck, capturing your lips messily muffling your moans. You felt him twitch inside you and you knew you weren’t far away. You heard Rebecca's receding footsteps as Tom increased his pace again tipping you off the edge you both came with a loud moan. His head dropped to the crook of your neck panting, brushing his lips on your sensitive skin. You hissed when he pulled out. He stepped away giving you some space to clean up while he chugged the condom in the bin and zipped his pants fixing his shirt.

"I’ll go out first and you come out later." He said running his fingers through his messy hair trying to tame them. You nodded trying your best to fix your dishevelled appearance. 

🥀

This just became a regular thing for you guys sneaking out on the set to end up making out at the most odd places you could ever imagine. Sometimes in your trailers for a quickie. 

One time you were making out at the back of your trailer Tom’s hands were roaming around all over your body as he blurted out of nowhere.

"I love you." You broke the kiss and raised a brow.

"You don’t need to show your fake love to get into my pants." Tom frowned. 

"What? No I do love you Y/N" 

"You’re joking right?" you gave a poker face. 

"No Y/N, ever since I met you I fell for you instantly." 

"Really?" Your eyes welled up in disbelief.

"Yes, love. I love you and will always love you." 

"I love you too." You sealed your lips kissing softly, emotions running high. 

You started to feel his presence even more around you after you confessed your feelings for each other. Your wardrobe now consists of half of his clothes which he leaves behind in your room every time he spends the night with you. He tells you he loves you but he is never there the next morning for you. He isn't ready to acknowledge the relationship between you because he says it isn't a good time. You are always dodging the prying eyes of the media. 

Yes you were young, naive and trusted people way too easily that is why you didn't see the obvious red flags in your relationship. 

🥀

The last scene for the movie was to be shot outdoors near a cliff. The location was picturesque as the last scene was shot of you and Tom kissing each other. After the shooting ended the director officially announced the wrapping up of the film. The crew hugged each other and indulged into a little celebration at the location itself. You went near the cliff soaking in the natural beauty reminiscing about how this was the best summer of your life where you found the love of your life when Tom walked up to you from behind. He brushed aside your hair placing a necklace with a heart shaped pendant around your neck. You let out a light gasp surprised heart swelling up at his loving gesture. 

"This-this is beautiful Tom." 

"I know, love. Only for the most beautiful woman. This will always remind you of our love."

He wrapped his arms around you as you overlooked the cliff watching the sunset with an orangish yellow hue. His phone buzzed as he took it out from his pocket and saw the caller id. 

"I need to take this." He excused himself to take the call. You fiddled with your necklace admiring it and smiling to yourself. One of the runners brought you a bottle of beer you took it and the boy was about to go and give the other bottle to Tom but you stopped him. 

"I’ll give it to him." You took the bottle from him and made your way where Tom was busy talking to whoever called over the phone. 

"Yeah bye love you. Miss you too." You caught the last bit of his conversation. 

"Girlfriend?" You joked startling him. For a moment he felt his breath caught in his throat, he gulped hard before chuckling nervously. 

"I’ll be so damned to cheat on you. It was my cousin. Have to go back home, some urgent family work has come up." 

"You will leave tomorrow only?" You pout.

"Sorry love." He brings his hand to your cheek.

"What about I go with you? I always wanted to meet your family, I mean my future family." Your eyes sparkled. 

"Uh i don’t think that’s  a good idea since we are not public yet." he fumbled. 

"So let’s go public. You love me, I love you, what's the problem?" 

"Ofcourse, love but not this time. Once I return from London we will make our relationship official I promise." 

"What if you find a hot brit chick and forget about me?" you pout. 

"I can never forget you. This face is worth remembering." he cradled your face lovingly. 

"I really want to spend the last few moments with you before I go back."

"I'll keep my door unlocked.'' You winked.

At night Tom stood in front of your hotel room and as you had said the door was unlocked he smiled to himself sneaking into your room quietly. He was startled as you grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him in pinning him against the door pressing your lips to his. 

"I’m gonna miss you so much." you say breathing heavily.

"Me too darling." 

Pretty soon all your clothes were discarded as you now lay on your bed spread out for him while he pounds into you relentlessly. 

"Oh fuck darling you always feel so good around me." He praises thrusting deeper inside you. You grab onto his back wrapping your legs around him. His phone buzzes several times on the bedside table but he was too invested in the pleasure he was getting being buried deep inside you so he decides to ignore it. 

"So gorgeous." He purrs trailing his lips down your chest sucking on to your hardened nipples. Your body arches at his touch, your one hand reaching  down to rub your clit.

"Yes rub that clit for me." He demands. You clench hard around him as you both reach your own highs. He collapsed on top of you burying his head in the crook of your neck as he pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before pulling out and rolled over to your side. You turned to him resting your head on his chest. His phone buzzes again and he reaches to receive it but ends the call abruptly seeing the number. 

"Who is it?" 

"Oh it's no one, darling." He said, stroking your hair gently and pecking on your forehead wrapping you in his warm embrace. You nuzzle your face in his chest listening to his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

You woke up to an empty bed next morning. Tom had an early morning flight so maybe he didn’t want to wake you up you thought, giving yourself false hopes.

First two weeks he used to FaceTime you daily but soon it got limited to plain simple texts and suddenly all of it stopped. Two months went by and you didn't hear anything from Tom but still you kept your hopes high telling yourself he must be busy.

🥀

The time of the premiere for your film was approaching and you were over the moon with just the thought that you were finally going to meet him. At the night of the premier you were dolled up in one of your designer dresses, you decided to ditch your expensive diamond necklace to wear the necklace Tom gave you before leaving. You reached the venue and stepped out of your car as your eyes were flooded with the flashes from the cameras, you gracefully walked the red carpet a wide smile adorning your face. But it didn't last long. 

You heard the crowd going frenzy chanting the name of the person you loved the most in this world. You turned around to look at him and froze. He wasn't alone, he had a woman in his arms as they smiled at the cameras. Your heart clenched when you saw the big rock shining on her ring finger. He got engaged and he brought in his fiancee to make the news public. So this was his emergency family work in London.

Tom looked around smiling when his eyes found you standing at a distance with a hardened gaze. His gaze dropped to his feet as a sense of guilt kicked in. You were disgusted and filled with hatred he left you, no he fucking lied to you and was cheating on you this entire time. You never wanted a relationship in the first place. He was the one who professed his love for you and you being the lovesick idiot believed him. 

The cast was made to stand together for a group photo. You stood to the left of him. He couldn't dare to meet your eyes. 

The movie began as you took your seats and tried focusing on the screen. Tom frequently stole glances of you as memories came flooding in. You caught him glancing at you and you could no longer take this betrayal anymore. He had imagined of getting married one day and starting a family but guess what it was true but just not with you. You informed Mike sitting beside you that you aren't feeling well, he arranged for you to leave. You got up in the middle of the movie and ran out of the auditorium. Tom saw that went after you. 

"Y/N wait! Please don't go. Let me explain!" he shouted desperately. 

You didn't listen as you ran towards your car with tears in your eyes. You got into it and drove past him as you saw his reflection in the rear view mirror desperately calling out to you. Tears pricked your eyes as you saw the necklace he gave you as a token of love dangling down your neck. You held the necklace and pulled it hard breaking the chain. You took a look at it for one last time and threw it out of the window in rage. You wailed inside the car crying your heart out. That night you made up your mind to only focus on your career no more distractions or false attachments. Your hard work has paid off because two years later you are now an internationally acclaimed star with a strong image, a role model for many and your fans adore you.

Though after that dreadful night you received a string of messages of apologies from Tom which went on for at least a month but you left all of them on seen.  Recently he had started texting you again mostly they read 'I miss you', 'can we meet?' He even went on a liking spree on your Instagram account which fueled the rumors of you two possibly getting together. You decided to ignore all of it because you always wanted him to suffer the way you did. You wanted the memories of you to haunt him for eternity like a curse he can't get rid of. 

Your car reaches Marvel's office as your bodyguard opens the door and you step out of the car you strut past the gates through the hallways to the room where the meeting was to be held. Your assistant walking by your side briefing you out about your today's schedule. You entered the room to find some of the big names in Hollywood already present and there was Tom too. This is the first time in two years you are finally meeting face to face. His eyes lit up instantly seeing you as he made his way to you enthusiastically. 

"Hi Y/N" 

"Oh hey Tom." you greeted him with a smile. 

"So how are you?" he began but you didn't answer as your eyes were trained on the person behind him, a handsome blonde with icy blue eyes walking right your way.

"Hi Harrison Osterfield." He introduced himself.

"I know, you are playing my love interest and I must say you are totally worth it." You giggled. 

"Well it’s my honor to be your love interest." he chuckled. 

Tom just stood there as a mere spectator watching his best friend and you flirt with each other. You're totally lost in him, the only thought reeling in your mind.

Fuck he’s gorgeous….. 

..................................................................................

(A/N : This crap came out of nowhere. Will I be writing a Harrison osterfield x Reader fic based on 'gorgeous'? who knows🤷‍♀️) Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

Forever taglist: @starcoadrienette2​ @hollanddolanfangirl​

[xoruffitup]

Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work. 

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.  

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

I’m guessing all Vmins were right Sweet night is about the past. I guess it’s why Tae give it for the movie instead of for his mixtape. I’m guessing JM gave him the ok to do so and why he’s been silent about it cause it’s over between them. TK are making it too obvious. jk treating JM like they aren’t friends suddenly. jk in purple/green all the time. v not shutting up about jk suddenly. JM is not handling it well. I guess it’s why v said he likes JM the most (guess as friend) cause he feels bad

Admin 1: “Sure, go and release a song easily identified as being about us and your hope of me giving you a second chance with a hopeful ending seeing as we aren’t together anymore, sounds like a nice idea to me. Go, Taehyungie, do it. Then also let me hold your hand on national TV and show it to the cameras happily, smile sweetly at you while we stand next to the president, talk about our song and memories and how much they mean to me, perform this song that's essentially a love letter to our bond in a live-streamed concert for almost 800k people, and when you tell me you like me the most, I’ll say I like you a lot as well. Because we’re over and not even friends anymore.” Sounds like some sound logic to me, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible to humans.

Honestly, either I’ve just been around too long and all these asks are starting to sound the same and impossibly uncreative, or they are just getting more farfetched and bizarre. If you want a proper answer, I told you, bring something to the table that hasn’t been talked to dust yet, or leave it be.

To quote Tae, the man who knows best what he feels: 95z is love.

Until he (and Jimin) changes his mind, this is the answer I have for any and all Xkooker ask, as well as any other ship involving Tae or Jimin.

Also yes, I did see the hate against Jimin that exploded yesterday, we even have an ask about it in our inbox, and honestly these types of questions, anon? Yeah, you're not helping, in fact, you are part of the problem, just saying.

Admin 2: Man, man, man!

We didn't really want to answer these types of questions anymore, but this ask takes the trophy when it comes to delulu/nonsensical questions, so I decided to answer it after all. Because it’s hot and I need a distraction.

Also, this question basically confirms most of our suspicions we’ve had so far. Let me explain.

Folks, who is behind these kinds of stories which are being presented and preached as truth on various sns?

I don't believe this is any single persons invention (in this case, that anon came up with this idea “without help”), if anything it’s the result of delulu, and often times toxic, scenarios and stories created by a group of people intended to further a narrative and actively disrupt the “peace” within ARMY (or at least that’s what it feels like since all these things do is ignite hate and toxicity). Where is the origin of it all? Ship centric YouTube channels.

It is very evident that these "imaginative creators/shippers" behind those videos have no consideration of the consequences and harm their content does because, in my opinion, the more controversial and clickbait-y, the better. You know why? More views means more money, which is the goal of it all. We’ve spoken about this before, I believe, how these videos on “ship evidence” and “ship drama” for Xkookers are the most beloved topics of these videos and thus make up one of the easiest means of generating income, in some cases even something upward of $80k a year depending on the channels CPM, sub and view count.

The average person has to work hard all year round to make this amount of money, if they even have a job that brings in that much. So, it is not surprising that these content creators go very far in their fantasies to support their claims and keep their viewers/costumers engaged and coming back.

I wouldn't be surprised if the creators (or rather the whole lot of them) of both Xkook camps are basically the same people, because their ideas, conclusions and explanations all sound the same and follow the same nonsensical patters. Which is why we’ve already told you many times that the best thing you can do is stay away from this type of content altogether.

So! Let's analyze this ask a little more:

"…Vmins were right Sweet Night is about the past. I guess it’s why Tae give it for the movie instead of for his mixtape."

Ok, let's say Tae wrote "Sweet Night" for Jimin, but in the meantime he has changed his feelings (that's how I understand the question) so he gave the song to the Itaewon Class OST instead of putting it on his mixtape. I wanted to note that Taehyung's mixtape isn't finished yet and we will probably wait many more months for it.

It seems to me that Taehyung really wanted to show his feelings to the world, so he saw an opportunity with the OST, and therefore a quicker release for SN, and took it. The fact is that SN is about the past, but there is also hope for the future, hope for the fulfillment of wishes, which likely did come true judging by how Tae said he wrote SN during tour abroad (so sometimes summer/early autumn 2019 perhaps) and we saw vmin holding hands at the airport on Tae’s birthday in 2019 when they thought no one would see, just three months before SN was released (and likely long schedules for said release since these types of things don’t just happen overnight) and many, many other such things.

“I suspect that JM gave him his consent and why he kept silent about it because it was over between them, TK makes it too obvious. "

And I suspect that Jimin was very touched by Sweet Night and ultimately wrote Friends in which him and Tae sing: “Many promises and memories / and more to come / Someday, when these cheers die down, stay hey / You are my soulmate”

The fact is that BTS didn't say much about SN, but it was the same with many of their other SC releases as well, so it wasn’t unusual, especially since SN came out while they were promoting MOTS7. Also, in my opinion, the content of this song is too personal to be able to describe/discuss the song in detail beyond the bit that was mentioned during Tae’s vlive with Namjoon. During a Japanese interview, the members basically confirmed/pointed out how romantic Tae is and when SN came up, Namjoon “coincidentally” turned around toward Jimin who has a similar facial expression of pressed lips as he did during Let’s BTS.

"JK treats JM as if they suddenly weren't friends"

And here I have caught you, dear anon. I think you're not even looking at the original BH content, but that instead you are basing your conclusions and opinions on manipulative YT ship videos instead because if you would’ve watched the original content like RUN, the recent SOWOOZOO concerts, and interviews, you wouldn’t arrive anywhere near such thoughts and conclusions.

Jimin and JK are still close, also Jimin calls JK his little brother (dongsaeng) and JK describes Jimin (or associates these words with him) as charm and cute. Does there seem to be any kind of conflict between Jimin and Jungkook? Certainly not, no.

„JK always in purple / green. v not shutting up about jk suddenly."

You mean their microphone colors? I wanted to point out how Tae wore a yellow shirt during the concert, which is the same color as the chick emoji ARMY associates with Jimin as well as his mic color. LOL.

As far as I know, when Tae has something to say, he will say it, and if he is praising JKs songs, and especially You Eyes Tell which we know is a song Tae liked a lot, that is a good thing. It simply means Tae appreciates the song JK created, appreciates and values his talents and hard work. If the entire band praises Namjoon and his lyrics/contributions on their songs, does that automatically also mean all six are “not shutting up about him” and therefore must be in love and in a relationship with him, or it’s an indicator of it? If anything, it’s merely an indicator that Tae is an honest person and JK did a good job on those songs. Easy as that.

That's my favorite part of the question: "JM doesn't handle it that well. I think that's why I said he likes JM best (as a friend, I guess) because he feels bad."

Personally, I consider myself a person with a great imagination, but I wouldn't really come up with a scenario like that.

How cruel of a person do you think Tae is? Imagine they aren’t together anymore or close anymore, or whatever else you tried to insinuate anon, and then Tae would go on national TV and do this whole thing of asking for the card in his letter to Jimin to be blurred and then said “Jimin-ah I like you the most”? To do something as hurtful as that you either have to be a sadist or an asshole and I’d like to believe even you, anon, don’t think in such a way about Tae, of all people.

Perhaps that’s something dumb teenagers or kids would do, but not adult men in their mid-twenties who see each other every single day, are part of the same team and have to work with each other. This is real life, not a soap opera. If these types of dramas really would be happening within BTS, they would’ve stopped existing as a band a long time ago because no one would be able to live with such actions and people for a prolonged amount of time. BTS are grown men, best friends, even found family, and not actors on a badly written TV show for our entertainment where they act out increasingly stupid relationship drama in which JK somehow ended up being the toy going from hand to hand like he’s not even an actual person anymore.

In summary, this question was written by a child, teenager, or an emotionally immature person naïve enough to buy into outlandish ship narratives.

Anon, hear what the members had to say during FESTA 2021. Make your own conclusions and stop watching and believing the nonsense on YouTube. As Tae said: Get out of your imagination. It’s not good in there.

[dwellordream]

“...Cautious young women came from all classes and backgrounds; so did those who proved most daring, experimenting, or free-spirited. Because young women of all classes had limited spending money, their most popular forms of public entertainment consisted of a variety of free, outdoor activities. For young women who lived in towns and cities, walking up and down shopping streets, looking at the window displays, evaluating the goods, discussing prices and styles, and occasionally making minor purchases while keeping an eye on other strolling shoppers provided a particularly popular form of entertainment. 

In many towns, local choirs, musical ensembles, and military bands gave free Sunday afternoon concerts in public squares and parks, attracting especially young men and women, but also many working-class and lower-middle-class families whose budgets did not afford them other, more expensive forms of leisure activities. Without provisions for seating, these concerts provided ample opportunity to parade one's Sunday best, mingle, meet old friends and new acquaintances, chat, and exchange flirtatious glances. 

Similarly, ice skating, another conventional pastime that attracted both young people and their parents, remained firmly within the boundaries of respectable behavior. Despite mixed-gender audiences, the participation of older adults in such activities contributed to their respectability, and even the most old-fashioned parents rarely objected to such outings. After all, shopping had long been a central component of middle-class women's leisure, and ice skating and military music hardly incited raucous behavior. 

Equally popular among young women were new forms of commercial leisure activities that catered particularly, if not exclusively, to a cross class and mixed-gender clientele of adolescents and young adults. Movie theaters, for instance, attracted swarms of working-class and middle-class youths. Although many older contemporaries remained uncomfortable with the inappropriate mingling across gender and class lines and with the cheap thrills and seemingly loose moral standards of Hollywood films, young moviegoers found that the darkened auditorium offered hours of exciting, inexpensive, and easily accessible entertainment as well as a convenient place for meeting with friends and possibly engaging in courtship.

Enclosed swimming areas and public beaches also became increasingly important sites for fun, relaxation, and mixed-gender sociability in the 1910s and 1920s. While the immodesty and physical intimacy of "undressed, scantily dressed, and fully clothed people mixed together in one big confusion" often shocked traditional sensibilities, warm summer Sundays nonetheless brought such large crowds of young men and women to public beaches that popular wit soon dubbed them "flypapers." 

Other popular arenas for spending leisure time included cafes and restaurants. Because of their limited resources, young women typically sought out places that served coffee and dessert rather than full meals. Yet because they were generally inclined to spend more time than money in such places, young women were often made to feel unwelcome. "If you knew the waiter, he would sometimes let you sit over the same cup of coffee all night long," Inger-Marie Rasmussen recalled, "but most often that was not possible. When a haughty waiter came by and asked if 'there was anything else?' for the second or third time, you knew it was time to go."

Besides, the presence of men who might be willing to pay the bill in exchange for female companionship made such places more precarious arenas for young women concerned about their sexual reputations. While straining limited budgets, an afternoon or evening in an amusement park was often easier to negotiate. Having paid a small entrance fee, visitors were free to stroll around, look at the various booths and rides, and enjoy free musical and theater performances, occasional fireworks, and other attractions without additional expenses. 

Although some amusement parks were scorned by middle-class families because of their rowdy working-class clientele, others—such as the Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen—were entirely respectable sites of entertainment for families as well as young, single people. Various forms of theatrical entertainment also appealed to young women. In community halls and neighborhood theaters, they enjoyed cheap slapstick comedies and amateur performances starring local talent and would-be actors. 

In addition, hotels and restaurants frequently sought to lure customers into their businesses by offering some kind of stage performance as the opening act to an evening of dancing. The most popular form of theatrical entertainment was presented by the revue and vaudeville theaters that flourished in the 1910s and 1920s. Featuring evening programs of comical sketches, singing, and dancing, replete with chorus girls, lavish costumes, and elaborate stage settings, vaudeville shows attracted both young men and women looking for a good time, an easy laugh, and a spectacle of glamour and luxury. 

Yet young women's participation was generally more limited than men's. Often the price of admission precluded them from attending, and sometimes the sexually suggestive character of songs and acts made them feel uncomfortable. Nonetheless, most young women managed to stay remarkably well-informed about the glamorous costumes, the musical hits, and new dance steps they generated. However, given the opportunity to choose freely among all available forms of fun and entertainment, most young women would probably not have opted for any of the amusements just mentioned. In the vast majority of cases, dancing topped their list of attractive recreational pursuits. 

When, for example, the popular women's magazine Vore Darner in 1925 queried its readers about their favorite leisure activities, fully 72 percent of the respondents listed dancing as their first choice. Similarly, of the fifty-nine women interviewed for this project, at least fifty-four mentioned dancing as the favorite leisure activity of their youth. It is hardly surprising, then, that the rapidly expanding numbers of restaurants, cafes, hotels, inns, night clubs, and other establishments that offered dancing attracted vast numbers of young women. Nevertheless, public dance places remained highly controversial public settings for young women throughout the 1910s and 1920s. 

Like other forms of entertainment that did not encourage community-based, intergenerational sociability, these settings were viewed with suspicion by older generations. The fact that crowded dance floors and lively music facilitated, even encouraged, easy and spontaneous physical intimacy between young men and women only heightened this suspicion. As a result, public dance places constituted an exciting, but also an especially dangerous and difficult terrain for modern young women eager to have fun without jeopardizing their reputations. 

The tension between excitement and respectability was not unique to public dance places. The mixed-gender clientele and unsupervised mingling of city streets, skating rinks, public beaches, movie theaters, amusement parks, and variety shows could also throw into question the respectability of female participants. Therefore, public dance places merely represented the end point on a spectrum of controversial arenas for female leisure activities, simply heightening the conflicts young women experienced individually and in groups whenever they entered public space. 

Although the companionship of female friends provided some measure of protection against potential dangers and missteps, it did not provide them with an inviolable safeguard. Even if young women trusted and depended on each other, there was always the nagging doubt that judgment calls of female friends might be wrong. As Meta Hansen poignantly remarked, "Having a girlfriend meant that you wouldn't get into trouble by yourself. It didn't mean you wouldn't get into trouble." Without female companionship, the likelihood of getting into trouble was simply too great for most young women to risk venturing out, but even the presence of female friends did not ensure safety. 

To avoid making mistakes and more permanently minimize the risk of getting into trouble, young women therefore eagerly sought to determine what constituted appropriate and inappropriate behavior and activities. Throughout the 1910s and 1920s, they continually struggled to define the difference between the two, hoping to establish a set of rules that would ensure protection from moral reproach without sacrificing newfound possibilities for fun and excitement. Determining what constituted acceptable public behavior and activities was complicated by the fact that only a few public places and activities were entirely off limits for respectable woman. 

Therefore, simply determining the respectable from the disreputable—and placing oneself on the right side of that line—was not an easy task. Going alone to a restaurant in the afternoon might be perfectly acceptable, for example, but enjoying a cup of coffee in the very same location at ten o'clock at night would be considered highly inappropriate. Waltzing with a young man on the skating rink was one thing; tangoing with him in a night club quite another. Similarly, if watching the latest movie release in a local theater or enjoying oneself in an amusement park in the company of girlfriends provoked only few raised eyebrows, going there alone or in the company of a man to whom one was not officially engaged was likely to generate both gossip and criticism. 

"It wasn't so much what you did," Gerda Nybrandt declared when asked to explain what constituted proper behavior in her youth in Aarhus in the 1920s. "It was whom you did it with, and where you did it, and when you did it." Offering an almost identical explanation, Anna Eriksen remarked that "as long as it was daytime, people seemed to think that nothing immoral could take place. Doing the exact same thing when it was dark—now that was a different matter." Agnete Andersen recalled the code of conduct to which she adhered in a very similar way. "Well, how should I explain it?" she mused. "It was just like—you couldn't do this, but you could do that. It all depended on circumstances, whom you were out with, where you were and so on."

While in retrospect these three women maintained that "you just sort of knew" the boundary between acceptable and inappropriate public behavior, other evidence suggests that many young women at the time found determining that line an exceedingly difficult task. The fact that reliable sources of guidance were hard to come by only compounded the problem. Certainly, given their already contentious relationship, most young women did not turn to their parents for advice, and those daughters who did seek their guidance often found the older generation as confused and uncertain as they were themselves. 

Since the vast majority of young women were already out of school, advice from teachers was rarely an option available to them, and adult leaders of youth clubs, concerned about their standing with parents, were generally cautious and restrictive in their counsel. Writers, intellectuals, and newspaper editors steeped in older traditions of female domesticity also seemed unqualified to guide their path. And especially in urban areas, where organized religion already had lost much of its grip on young people, the prospect of going to a minister for advice never seemed to enter their minds. 

In this void, young women tended instead to look to self-proclaimed etiquette experts and advice columnists for suggestions on how to negotiate public behavior and city life. The sheer quantity of letters to women's magazines and advice columns about proper behavior speaks both to the uncertainty women felt and to the significance they attributed to knowing the limits of their new freedoms. In letter after letter, young women consulted these self-proclaimed experts both about the appropriate nature of planned events and about the specific restrictions they ought to place on their escapades. 

Could a young woman go out alone at night, they wondered? If so, could she casually stroll city streets without being taken for a street walker? Could she smoke cigarettes in public? Could she wear makeup? What about high heels? Could she go to a movie theater? If so, how late? And how frequently? What about an amusement park? A restaurant? What if the restaurant featured live music and dancing? Could she go out alone if she returned home before a certain time? If so, at what time ought she be safely indoors? In response, editors of women's magazines and advice columnists generally offered very specific guidance, usually in the form of strict, inflexible directives.

"No, a young lady may not go to a restaurant alone at night," one columnist warned. "A nice girl should always be home by 11 P.M.," another enjoined her female readers. And no, a respectable young woman could "absolutely not under any circumstances" wear makeup in public—aside from "lipstick and perhaps a touch of rouge." Often, however, the logic that guided advice columnists' directives seemed incoherent, even arbitrary, and frequently their answers seemed to lack a systematic pattern. When, for instance, one advice columnist maintained that "it is perfectly acceptable for two young girls to go for an evening walk, but a group of girls strolling the streets after dark is an unfortunate phenomenon," she might very well have added to the confusion and uncertainty her readers already felt.

Moreover, while generally encouraging women to avoid being alone in public and being out too late, the advice columnists frequently differed among themselves in their assessment of what constituted proper behavior. When asked almost identical questions in 1928, Sondags B.T. declared that a young woman could absolutely not go to the theater alone, while Ugebladet found it perfectly admissible "as long as [she] makes sure to sit in the front of the theater and leaves immediately after the show." 

Such disparate pieces of advice in publications that did not otherwise represent different political and cultural perspectives underscore how confusing and unsettled the standards for women's public behavior remained throughout most of the 1920s and how difficult it was for young women to find the kind of guidance they were seeking. Paradoxically, the only rule constantly reiterated was the one young women already knew and worried about—namely, that there was a boundary between respectable and disreputable behavior and that stepping over that boundary would have consequences that even young women who insisted on being "modern" and leading "modern" lives were not willing to risk.”

- Birgitte Soland, “Good Girls and Bad Girls.” from Becoming Modern: Young Women and the Reconstruction of Womanhood in the 1920s

[peekbackstage]

Hello. At first let me thank you for your blog. I mean your posts and opinion as an insider is so interesting to read, it’s like you let us see a little more in this entertainment industry. After reading some posts I can now clearly see why so many stars live hard life, often have anxiety and even suicide thoughts. I mean their life seems to be fully controlled until they become really “someone” in this industry. Does it mean that until it happens they will do anything their company want and have nothing to do. I mean even if they get hate, they should pretend like they don’t care and can’t even say something against haters. My question is so random, I’m sorry. I also wanted to know, why so many singers and idols go acting even if they know many will hate it, they know they will get comments like “idols don’t let real actors to play”. I’m not sure about c-ent as I’m new. But I saw many such comments and reactions in Korean media. So why do they do it? Will they earn more money than being a singer or? Why not to try acting then? Why do they try to become idols? I mean there are so many talented singers and trainees who want ro sing. But eventually we see that many people who debuts as idols soon or later give up singing and try acting. I was just wondering. Thank you in advance, sorry if my question is too obvious. And better late than never. Happy New Year :)

Disclaimer: The following post is informed by my own experience working in the music industry. Chinese industry practices might vary.

In Asia, the world of entertainment tends to be pretty tightly regulated. It’s generally pretty difficult to get a foot in the door and even more difficult to actually “make” it. This post is going to mostly discuss Korea and Japan’s industries, as I am most familiar with those two markets. 

LET’S TALK A BIT ABOUT IDOL HISTORY! 

(Skip this entire section if you aren’t interested in history.) 

In 1962, Johnny Kitagawa, the CEO of the entertainment company, Johnny’s & Associates, launched Japan’s first boy band, Johnnys. While this group saw some minor popularity, it paled in comparison to the group that is often considered to be Asia’s “first” idol group, Four Leaves, who debuted in 1967. 

Four Leaves was a project composed of bishounen (pretty) boys who sang and dance but didn’t play any instruments. They were hand-selected and trained by Johnny Kitagawa himself, who largely focused on the artists’ personalities, attributes, and physical characteristics. 

Four Leaves’ success was so great that Johnny’s sought to replicate it, creating the first idol (aidoru in Japanese) training camp system which is the foundation of all idol companies these days. Just like idol companies today, Johnny’s selected young bishounen boys who were admitted via an audition process, and then placed them in a dorm together. There, they would train as Johnny’s Juniors (aka trainees) until they were ready to debut. 

By the 1980s, Japan had quite a few idol management companies (jimusho) that wanted to replicate Johnny’s success. By that time, the idol industry had matured, and the training camps had become extremely rigorous, Olympic-style singing, dancing, acrobatics, etc. all for the sole purpose of improving stage performances. By the time SMAP debuted in 1988, the system was already in place. But what SMAP did changed the game entirely: they launched their own variety show, effectively putting themselves into every Japanese household and endearing themselves to every single Japanese housewife. 

This caused their popularity to skyrocket, which in turn led to the creation of the ecosystem we now all know: the all-encompassing idol who sings, dances, and acts in tv shows, variety shows, plays, and films. Brand deals and endorsements also really took off during this time, especially with the most popular member, Kimura Takuya. 

(It must be noted that SMAP became very popular not only in Japan, but also all over Asia!) 

By this point, South Korea was taking notice, and by the 90s, debuted their first generation of idol groups, which included the likes of H.O.T. and Shinhwa, who all went through more or less the same style of training that Japanese idol jimushos put through trainees through. 

It must be noted that during this time, South Korea was pretty invested in trying to find the right secret sauce to also debut their artists in Japan, given the mature idol market there. S.M. Entertainment succeeded in doing this with their second generation artists, BoA, Super Junior, and TVXQ, by partnering with Avex Entertainment in Japan. (They even went as far as debuting a visual kei idol group, TraxX, which was actually produced by Yoshiki from X-Japan, to capitalize on the entire visual kei market in Japan.) JYP followed suit with Se7en and Rain, and YG Entertainment debuted BIGBANG and 2NE1. 

During this period of time, it must be noted that the big talk of the town was surprisingly not pop internationally - it was actually Jrock, which had a big surge of popularity in overseas markets between 2007-2009. (Hence S.M.’s desire to debut a visual kei idol band in Japan.) The Hallyu wave hadn’t really started yet, but within a matter of a few years, Kpop was suddenly the hottest new thing just about, well, everywhere.

In fact, it was so popular internationally, that by 2013, Kpop had become the #1 biggest contributor to South Korea’s GDP. It was so important to South Korea that the Ministry of Culture, Sports, and Tourism established KOCCA (the Korean Content Agency), which began heavily investing in the export of all things “Hallyu,” but especially Korean music. International industry conferences worldwide suddenly started to see the rise of Korean showcases, which took place literally everywhere. KOCCA was determined to export their idol culture all around the world. 

To capitalize more on international success, companies such as S.M. Entertainment and JYP began to incorporate Chinese members into their groups. This was specifically to give them a foot into the massive Chinese market, which, until the Hallyu ban in 2017, had a massive demand for all things Kpop. 

It was around this same time that TFBoys in China debuted. The industry largely considered them to be the first real homegrown mainland Chinese idol group that rose out of a similar training system used in both South Korea and Japan. 

HISTORY LESSON OVER! 

Why did I feel the need to explain all of this history, you wonder? Couldn’t I just answer the question in a straightforward way? 

Well, not really. It’s pretty important to understand that oftentimes, in the industry, idols aren’t seen as true artists - they are actually seen more as manufactured cultural products. The more products there are (i.e. music, acting projects) the more money there is, which in turn leads to more opportunities. When they are just starting out, idols never get to pick what activities they actually participate in - especially if they haven’t yet established themselves as very successful artists. 

And even when they are established, oftentimes, an idol company will push an artist to try expanding/broadening their various creative outputs with acting. Why only sell music, when you can make money through tv and film? 

Add in the additional benefit of not having any risk at all involved in said tv/film project and it’s win/win for the company - because they aren’t putting up any money upfront to produce and market the project. 

Companies want their idols to pursue acting gigs because it increases the market share for the artist and more opportunities for their artist to create new fans who might discover the artist through the drama or film. This tends to be a big part of the idol ecosystem, though it must be noted that not all idols do go down this route if their company determines that their music products might generate far more money than their acting products. 

This is especially true for rappers in particular, whose solo musical releases might not generate as much fanfare (or as much money) as an acting gig - especially in South Korea, where there is already a very mature, established Korean hip hop genre with plenty of very established hip hop artists. (There’s also a very popular hip hop competition show, Show Me The Money, that regularly features celebrity Korean hip hop artists.) 

Sometimes, it just makes more sense to take acting opportunities, as they can generate better income than music. 

Talented singers sometimes might also choose to go the acting route for the same reason - also because opportunities keep coming across the desks of their managers, who sometimes talk them into the projects. Other times, it may simply be that once an idol tries their hand at acting, they realize they have a real knack for it and end up wanting to pursue more acting projects. 

In any case, there isn’t a single, universal reason why idols choose to go from singing to acting, but there is a universal reason why all idols inevitably do make the switch: money. 

And for companies in particular, acting projects their artists star in are 100% pure profit with zero financial risk. 

In any case, quite a few artists started out in music, tried their hand at acting, and then continued to do both. We see this especially with artists such as Vanness Wu, IU (Lee Ji-eun), and BLACKPINK’s Jisoo, who are all still active in both acting and music. 

I hope this massively long post was informative and also helped answer the question, “Why do idols go from singing to acting?” (I also hope I helped explain the way the idol ecosystem works and how it all started!) 

Thanks for the questions and for reading.

Edit: Oops, I totally forgot to answer the question, “Why do some people become idols?”

The answer is pretty simple: it’s really hard to get into the entertainment industry, and many people see idol factories as a straightforward roadmap into a career in entertainment. While it isn’t the only way into entertainment, it often is the path many artists do ultimately choose to take. 

[snowydaffodils]

Flustered

3501 words | 2nd Person POV

A Yoon Jeonghan fluff, prompt, how you met, how you (hinted) eventually dated, where you're an actress and he's the other lead actor. Enjoy your new years! 🎉

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Yoon Jeonghan is very rarely flustered. If anything, he's usually the cause of all the flustering - twelve boys can back you up on that. He'd make fun of your height, poke your cheeks, comment cutesy compliments as you work together, flirt playfully, and make fun of how stupid your character sounds.

Indeed, you accepted this role fully aware of the awfully pure and slow-witted character the scriptwriter had written down. Throughout your years in acting, even if this was your very first lead role, you had never gone easy on the rest of the roles you had received. You live and understand them, think like them, and every single character you've performed have now become a part of you. But of course, the closest character to you now is this easily distracted girl who just blushes all the time.

So for the course of eight months, you've acted with all your might, and this is the you that Jeonghan knew. You weren't exactly innocent and slow-witted just like the character, but a bit of the character influenced your own personal traits. The fun to tease, cute, and adorably likable girl. Just like you, it was his first lead role in a drama, and the first one in Seventeen to land on one, too, even if he wasn't the first one to be in one. He had curiously accepted a side role before, right after his military release, and just as the group were exploring their own careers whilst waiting to reunite again as a whole. That side role, with the help of his previous acting lessons, drowned him into the world of acting once more, and he fell in love with the art of the screen more than he ever did before.

Your first impression on him during the first cast meeting was that he looked heavenly. It was like his cheekbones were sculpted to perfection and no one could tell you otherwise. You were incredibly starstruck and in awe that you stuttered in making your first introductions. It didn't help that he was smooth with his words, too, making you sound incredibly nervous as opposed to him.

"Hi, I'm Jeonghan from Seventeen, and I'll be taking the lead role in this drama. Please take care of me."

"Hi, I'm play, uh, playing the lead gull, I mean g-girl."

Had he smiled politely and continued the conversation like nothing had happened, maybe you wouldn't have been too embarrassed, but also maybe you wouldn't have let your guards down to know and befriend him personally. Instead, he had laughed at you with all the stomach power he had. He never lets you forget that you stuttered so badly as you introduced yourself for the first time the entire day. He even made his own reasons (you wouldn't admit them, but they couldn't have been more true) as to why you stuttered.

"Nervous? I'm super charming, aren't I?" his ego is surely out of bounds as he said that, a smirk donning his lips. "I know, I'm surprised at myself, too sometimes."

You hit him on the arm, your cheeks growing in color. "I'm a big fan of Seventeen, but I didn't realize that you're this cheeky."

He laughed, so genuinely and purely, and you smiled, already warmed up to him. He made friends with you quickly, and from all the behind the scenes footage, he was quick to melt his awkward-i-just-met-you exterior and interacted with you as he would with his members. Jeonghan was this tall, built, and handsome man, and he owned unreal facial features that made everyone wonder if he was indeed human just like everyone else. He was perfect for his role: the cold, sly, and dominating lead in the series. It was the complete opposite of your character, and with his friendliness, it was easy for you to quickly build up chemistry and work well with him, but as you two get closer, the more playful he became.

"You're the love of my life," he recited his lines, cheesy as it is, to which you became shy to and shrank as he got closer and closed his lips to yours.

He was quick to tease your blushes after the director's "Cut!" in each kissing scene, and would tease you easily at other romantic or heart fluttering scenes you had to do.

"Aww, that's cute, you're blushing again! I can hear your heart fluttering," he would say. "Then again, I am charming."

And in each time, you were always caught in his trap, stuck in the moment, and your heart follows his lead, ignoring all the other self-restraining signals your head was screaming about. He'd laugh right after he got a reaction out of you, and the grin he'd give you would linger in your head for the rest of the day.

There was another day when one of his members - Joshua - came to support as a cameo, and it felt like Jeonghan was on booster or something. He introduced you to Joshua, who was sweet, polite, and a perfect gentleman, but then Jeonghan continued to tease you the entire day Joshua was there. He made sure to remind Joshua how cute you were so many times throughout the day. At that point you were actually getting used to Jeonghan's antics, but him teasing you in front of a new person puts you on another level of flustered.

"Hey Josh, meet the love of my life," Jeonghan said, using his scripted lines.

Joshua, while he was nicer than Jeonghan, still played along sometimes. "Then I'll call you member-in-law!" He said.

Your birthday was on a filming day, and he managed to fool you to think that you had hurt his feelings by giving him comments on his acting as per usual (you were sure you weren't saying anything bad, but he kept directing it to be a negative one). He started showing acts of distaste and, at one point, even yelled at you and left the room.

It was heart-wrenching to watch him leave - you never wanted to hurt his feelings, you just wanted to help and support him and the drama entirely. Guilt washed over you quickly, and tears piled in your eyes. The crew was looking at you so judgmentally, and all you wanted to do was go home, lock the doors, and hide under your covers. You didn't know what to do, and some of the crew even went to you to convince you that he just needed to blow off steam and he'll be back and you can apologize when he gets back.

You wanted to scream and rip his hair off when he came back with a cake, singing Happy Birthday like nothing happened. Your tears flowed like a river though, because you genuinely thought that Yoon Jeonghan, this man, was actually angry at you to the point that he put it to display to everyone who was present and even yelled at you.

"Don't cry!" he laughed at you, taking the cream from the cake and swiping your cheeks with his finger. "You'll look ugly. We have to take a picture with this cake!"

You cursed at him for the first time since you've known him, but he only chuckled and patted your back to calm down your sniffles (you glared at his finger until he wiped the cream away first, though). He gave you a friendly hug and you hit him to prove the point that you were upset, and it was a loud slap in the back that everyone was surprised but laughed at. Apparently, a behind-the-scenes camera was on and recording the entire surprise; Jeonghan remembered this and went to the camera to tell on you. He complained really loudly, "Carats, she hit me!" he pointed at you playfully.

You were still sniffling, snots everywhere and you eyes still bawling with tears. "Y-you deserve it!" you screamed.

On the last day of filming, you had laughed everything off, remembering everything that happened during the course of filming and engraving every memory to your heart. It was surely an indescribable experience. The crew had been super nice, and they felt like a second family to you. The cast members became your best friends, including the one and only Yoon Jeonghan. You thanked Jeonghan, the rest of the cast, and the entire crew for all their hard work, hugged your co-stars tightly, and told Jeonghan to stay in contact with you even after it all ended because you'd miss him.

"Hey, but don't be a stranger," you told him. "I think I'm too used to having you around, its gonna be hard to live peacefully, now."

He smiled, pinched your cheeks and said, "Did you think I'm gonna stop just because the drama ended? You should've seen me annoy my members even from the military base."

You rolled your eyes at him, "I wouldn't dare to assume you'd do anything less."

And he kept to his word. Though there hadn't been any opportunities for both of you to meet each other again (variety shows and interview promotions were done during the course of filming), he still contacts you day-to-day, even if only to send a meme he found of you and laugh at you through text.

"You really DO look like you've got a frog in your mouth! Hahahaha!"

This went on through the rest of the year until the Award Shows started to busy every single celebrity available, finally announcing the invites, MCs, performances, and nominees to each award they have. Your drama with Jeonghan had hit it big as fans were so happy to watch both of you interact (also, maybe because Woozi sang the main OST, and Scoups' rap on the OST was fire), and you were invited to almost every single one of them as a nominee for multiple awards.

It was first assumed, then implied, but it was also because he was actually sweet enough to ask you personally, that you were officially his date to every one of the award shows your drama was nominated in. You agreed, not because he was your co-star, but because he was a genuinely nice and fun person to spend time with. You were also very excited, not just because you were nominated, but also because this time you were going to finally present your original and true self to Yoon Jeonghan and the world. The other characters within you screamed in delight as you excitement rose, and you had planned everything out, determined to show that you are not just a simple easily teased girl that Yoon Jeonghan bullies on.

On the very first show you wore a white gown - the top part was gold glitter with a heart neckline, and it corseted your figure, highlighting all the important curves in your body. Down your dress, the fabric flowed in an A-line skirt, transparency growing in a gradient as it reached the bottom, your strapped golden heels visible within your skirt. You put your half your hair into a braid and curled the rest. With curtain-like gold earrings and white diamonds shining out of the strands, Jeonghan was stunned when he saw you for the first time. Your make up was different from what he was used to, and a mature-like pureness aura radiates from you. He didn't know what to say, muted to say the least. He had never seen you like that, and once both of you reached the red carpet, his hand on your back as a gentlemanly support to guide you through the reporters, he noticed how straight you walked, and how you carried yourself so gracefully. The reporters were asking questions, but he left the answering to you as he continued to stay stunned through the red carpet. It was only when you both had finally taken your seats when he finally relaxed and converse normally again.

The minimum movements you emitted, just enough to be polite and to please your audience were not missed by the man, and he observed the details of your interactions to the utmost adoration. Your gracefulness had struck a chord in his heart and he was awed to say the least.

He ended the night with a shy smile and an "Oh, and by the way, you were absolutely beautiful tonight." The sincerity of his tone didn't go unnoticed and you didn't forget to thank him before going separate ways. It was oddly out of character of him to do, but you liked the new side of him you have yet to explore.

The next show, you opted for a bright red designer's gown. This one, fitting to its price tag, created this absolutely stunning silhouette, and while it did not sparkle or glitter, its muted red still create a distinction of you and made you shine. The designed folds in your dress accented your figure even more, and with a looser fabric, the skirt of your dress was made longer so it could trail behind you as you walk. Your hair was gathered up into one straight ponytail, a pretty simple hairdo to gather attention to your striking gown for the night.

Jeonghan didn't recognize you when he first was led to your changing room. You didn't just look like a different person, you feel like one, too. He didn't even realize that he held his breath as he looked at you. The stylist were so proud of their efforts and Jeonghan's reaction had them giggling and teasing him. "She's incredibly beautiful, isn't she?"

He barely managed a "yes" before you could chuckle and said to him, "Well look who's being shy, now."

At this, he returned a laughter of his own. He didn't bother hiding his surprised expression. "You got me. You look incredible."

Your outfit and style of the day, added with your elegance and poise as you conducted yourself in front of the reporters and other celebrities had Jeonghan staring at you for a while, and quite numerous whiles. He absolutely adored you. There was a surging feeling of wholesome pride as he stood beside you, his hand on your back as he escorted you through the venue. Even as he teased you as he answered the reporters' questions, you had retained your poise as you held it within yourself not to be flustered easily by this man. You had a year worth of practice for that.

"Isn't she beautiful? I'm such a fan of hers," Jeonghan whispered to the reporters, his playful grins and chuckles evident as he interacted happily. "She doesn't look like her character now, does she?"

You chuckled along with him, but dragged him to stop him from acting like a fan on the red carpet. He laughed and after a few tries of refusing your urges to move on, eventually let it go and allowed you to pull him forwards. As you moved on, he placed his hand on your back just like how he usually does, as a sign that he was right there walking with you.

The third time though, Jeonghan was speechless. He barely spoke through the course of the night, and his eyes never left you.

You wore a black designer's gown this time, with sequinned patterned Qs coming from your neck down to your knees before the skirt spreads out to hide your silver heels. It was a mermaid gown and it hugged your figure nicely. The skirt was actually more flowy that you thought, but it added a nice touch. You wore silver earrings and diamond hair pieces as you put your hair up in the most elegant updo Jeonghan had ever seen. He was already stunned when he saw you for the first time, but he almost choked when you turned around only for him to realize that your gown was completely backless.

Now, where is he supposed to place his hand again?

His face was flushed and when you turned to finally go out the door, you see his face filled with more red than you've ever seen. While his face was kind of salvaged by the foundation he used, the makeup couldn't help his neck from turning red as well.

"Yoon Jeonghan, are you sick?" you asked aloud, gaining the attention of all staff members present, all their eyes pointed at the man in question. "Or are you actually blushing?"

Your second question snapped him out of his haze (and had many of the stylists and make up artists giggling) as he looked at you for a few seconds, and you were starting to actually worry, before he eventually puts his hand on his forehead, covering his face.

"God, you'll be the death of me. Let's go before I embarrass myself any further."

He was indeed blushing, and his statement confirmed that for you. You laughed, but you can't help but feel you cheeks tinting a little pink from his confession. He linked your arm with his and went out together.

The first few minutes into the red carpet, Jeonghan did his best not to have direct contact with your back. He was blushing the entire time, had to ask the interviewers to repeat themselves a couple of times, and his hand was going to unsure places like your shoulder or your waist, which he was also not confident about, and eventually just lingers a few inches away from your back, like in mid-air. The so-called manner hands.

It wasn't as reassuring as having his hand on your back like the previous times you both had gone through this. His focus was also off as he tried to avoid the contact, and just moved his hand when you moved as well. You sighed and just pulled his hand to slightly slap your back, and you pointed a look at Jeonghan's direction, telling him to stop fidgeting through your eyes.

He blushed.

"Jeonghan, are you not feeling well?" one of the reporters asked.

He seemed to click then and there. His honest self couldn't help himself as he answered, "Oh yeah, she just looks gorgeous tonight, I can't take my eyes off of her."

When he finally comprehended his own words, he fumbled and stuttered. "I-I mean," he tried to reason, but the stars in the reporters' eyes were showing that they heard everything he said, and some of them squealed in delight.

"Why, thank you," you turned to face him, your smile directed for him.

He was stunned - again.

"Oh, let's just go," he said shyly, one of his hands reaching to his neck to feel just how warm he had gotten.

That night, both of you had received a daesang award, but Jeonghan kind of added a few more elements to his acceptance speech.

"Hi, this is Seventeen's Jeonghan. This acting experience was truly incredible and there's so many people who should know that they are the reason for this award. I want to thank Carats, who have always been there for me through thick and thin, and my members who have been watching and supporting me, especially to Joshua who became a cameo, my parents and my family members who had been with me from the very start, the staff members, Pledis, directors, pd-nim, and all the crew members. This is not possible without any of you. And special thanks to," Jeonghan moved his eyes on you, and he didn't know why then and there, your name disappeared from his head and instead replaced with that one line that had caught all the viewers' heart as they watched the drama.

"The love of my life - " he stopped when he realized what he just said, and realized he had kind of just confessed on national TV. "I mean, M-my co-star."

You stood there surprised at how flustered Yoon Jeonghan could be, and stunned that you were the main reason that he was fumbling on the stage and his ears redder than ever. He caught himself before he did anything else and finished his speech nicely.

"Anyways, uh, thank you for this award, I'll work even harder to be a better actor and come back with more for you all. Thankyou!"

It was your turn after him to deliver your speech, and suddenly the trophy on your hands became heavier than it actually was. Jeonghan turned his back to walk back to the spot beside you as you move forward, and you can see a small smile tugging the corners of his lips. When you were brushing against each other before you took the mic, he whispered, just loud for you to hear, and short enough to go unnoticed.

"Yes, that was my confession to you. Will you go out with me?"

All eyes were on you and all lights were on you when you felt like you bit your tongue and couldn't speak.

The MCs were waiting for your speech, and nudged you to start when you seem lost.

"Ah, yes, I mean, no, I mean yes!"

Yoon Jeonghan really knows how to fluster you, even in his most flustering moments.

---

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

(tone indicators — lh + gen; i too am limited on the right words to use, but i hope this makes sense) just wanted to say i appreciate what your anon said about jensen, gender performance, and how far the fandom takes that, and i hope they know they’re valid in their feelings about it. there are moments where i see people (typically queer, typically trans) draw or hc about dean and tone down toxic aspects of performative masculinity, and have him embrace activities and hobbies that are considered feminine/considered emasculating, and it’s clear they don’t show it as emasculating — like dean cooking! it’s out of love and celebration. he’s not acting as a woman; he’s a man who loves to cook for his loved ones. otherwise it reverts back to sexism and stereotyping. it’s about dean’s self-acceptance and comfort without sacrificing the masculinity he enjoys, like fixing up baby or whatever isn’t always a performance or toxic masculinity. but there are (typically queer, typically cis) people who veer into areas that come across trans-/homophobic and joke at the expense of a marginalized community they aren’t a part of. the lines blur A LOT and i’m sure i’ve rb’d something i regret now that i have more clarity, and everyone’s opinion varies depending on personal comfort/experience, but it’s difficult to read sometimes. especially the sub/bottom stuff. (omega stuff i don’t see much, but i’m sure it’s there.) i won’t speak for misha’s thing because his relationship with jensen is personal and who knows how jensen really feels, but i do know the shitposting snowballs in a bad way around here from people who don’t know him in a way that allows for some of the stuff i’ve seen written. i’m not talking about gunshots and the more vague, lighthearted stuff, but the painting subbing and bottoming into a degrading corner and almost mocking it? if that makes sense? and the straight up calling him a girl thing is genuinely uncomfortable, i’ll say that truthfully. you’re right irena, he’s a multidimensional human. he’s a masculine guy and i think he enjoys that. i’m sure some toxicity is embedded, but it’s not a bad thing for him to enjoy it, especially when i’ve heard stories of how he also likes dressing up and wearing wigs for fun (i.e. clothing shop photos with danneel) and isn’t afraid to behave in typically “feminine” ways. and if the bottom/sub stuff is at all true, the two don’t necessarily need to correlate. he’s still a man, he’s still masculine, and that’s great. better yet, he’s comfortable in his skin, which is awesome. of course dean can’t get hurt by any of this, but it is uncomfortable seeing it rub off onto jensen too, which i agree with your anon about as well. i wish it was less “levi jeans vs denim shorts” and more “hot dog pants.” that’s how i see dean, and i don’t know jensen but i get similar vibes. rather than making him hyperfeminine to erase the hyper-masculinity, it’s more about the layers of him. what he (dean) likes, which isn’t one or the other but a whole range. and pulling away from giving a real life person the same treatment, or at least the worst of it. but yeah, that anon’s message really resonated. i’m sorry, wherever you are, that it happened and you were negatively affected by it. also, if i’ve at all overstepped or said something wrong, please let me know.

this is wonderfully put :) thank you for sharing it. other anon, I hope you can see these lovely words and the beginnings of truly needed conversation your ask has already inspired.

no one fits into a one single box, we have many things within us, some compartmentalized like drawers and others rolling around like spilled ink, jumping from one corner to another and changing direction without notice (sometimes the walls of the drawers liquefy to join the ink, at other times they remain rigid). it's about embracing that, for ourselves and fictional characters as well as the actors that play them. remembering that even in our joking is highly important.

also yes to hot dog pants. <3