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middlecountries · 5 years ago

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Quiet Heroes (1 of 2)

What gets written about the quiet heroes? Where are the stories of the toiling, unpraised few who don’t seek glory for themselves but live contentedly helping others? Who are they who heal wounds they neither caused nor suffer from directly? Who is Kevin DiFiore? Who is Mark Hodgson? Who are Alana Parisi, Alex Lambert, Paul McKeown, and Uzair Amir?

...Who is Zenek Krowcyk-Lewedowski?

Zenek Krowcyk-Lewendowski was born in Warsaw to Wojtek Lewendowski and Angelika Krowcyk. Wojtek was an artist and Angelika a nurse. They separated when Zenek was four and his sister Ewelina was one. The cause of the separation was complicated. Angelika desired a better quality of life than Wojtek could afford as an artist and Wojtek, in retaliation to his wife’s dissatisfaction, cheated on her. Angelika was so enraged when she found Wojtek in bed with another woman one afternoon when she got home early from work that she told him to take the children and leave. She loved Zenek and Ewelina deeply but she wanted Wojtek to feel the pressure of being the chief breadwinner for a family. Wojtek lived in a fantasy land of pretty, swirling colours while she got abused by drunken patients and conceited doctors. She wanted Wojtek to learn what responsibility felt like however much she would miss her children.

Angelika was so stubborn and set on her plan that when Wojtek said he was taking the children to live in Canada where he thought his paintings would sell better, she didn’t try to stop him. She figured he would come running back to Warsaw after a few months he was so naïve to the expense and energy it took to look after small children.

So Wojtek, Zenek and Ewelina packed up and moved a half continent and ocean away. Zenek missed his mother greatly but was soon distracted and excited by his new surroundings. He and his dad and sister moved into a sleepy West-end neighbourhood of Toronto where there was a large Polish expatriate community including one of Wojtek’s friends from art school. Within weeks of arriving in Toronto, Zenek and Ewelina had friends on their street and Wojtek was being introduced to artists and gallerists all around the city. Things got even more comfortable for them when Wojtek met Mika. Mika was a sculptor and she and Wojtek were instantly attracted to one another. Mika was undaunted by Wojtek’s family situation and she moved in with him and Zenek and Ewelina after less than six months of them dating.

Mika took to Zenek and Ewelina without hesitation and the children in turn, welcomed her into their lives. Zenek’s childhood progressed relatively free of stress or difficulty for some time after. He was briefly embarrassed at school for not speaking English but he soon picked up the language and integrated easily with his Canadian-born classmates. Once a year his mom would come visit him and his sister or they would go to Poland to see her. Zenek liked his mom’s visits or trips to Poland a lot. Angelika took them up the CN Tower, to Niagara Falls and other tourist attractions around Toronto and south-central Ontario. In Warsaw they’d visit relatives who showered Zenek and his sister with gifts and affection. But the, just before Zenek turned thirteen, at the end of Angelika’s visit to Toronto, his mom started to sob when they went to say goodbye to each other. In a way that had become characteristic of him, Zenek asked, ‘What’s the matter, Mom? Why are you crying?’

Angelika hugged him as they stood on the porch to his dad’s house. ‘Oh, sweetheart,’ she said. ‘I made such a terrible mistake letting you move away from me. I’ve missed you terribly. I’m a horrible mother.’

Zenek pushed himself back so he could see look his mother in the eye. The two were now at eye level with one another so he looked straight ahead at her. ‘Mom,’ he said. ‘I love my life here. You’re the best mother in the world.’ Angelika sobbed again and kissed and hugged her son. After a few minutes she turned and walked off the porch and back to Poland.

Zenek grew into a happy, well-adjusted teenager. He had many friends and his grades were excellent. He was quieter than most of his Canadian friends but he didn’t think anything wrong with this. His favourite things to do were look after his sister and solve math problems. These things gave him much greater peace of mind and tranquility than drinking and getting stoned did, activities that were becoming favoured by his friends.

Zenek’s love of math inspired him to apply to the computer science department at the University of Toronto for his bachelor’s degree. He was accepted and lived at home while he studied. His life was quiet and uncomplicated. The only possible complaint he had was that he couldn’t easily met girls living at home. His classmates were predominantly male and he felt self-conscious about asking out girls he met at parties back to his dad and Mika’s house. All in all it wasn’t a serious problem. He got a great deal of female attention and companionship from his sister and stepmom albeit not of a romantic variety.

After undergrad Zenek took a job with IMB in their manufacturing products department. It was well paying and decently interesting work. He liked many of his colleagues and was generally happy with his direction in life. Around the same time he moved into an apartment in Parkdale with a few of his friends from high school in the hopes of jumpstarting his romantic life. Unfortunately, despite the opportunity he now had to invite women home after parties or dates, he remained single for nearly two years.

Then in late 2009, at a party he and his friends were throwing for Halloween, Zenek met a girl who captured his interest and seemed to return it. Her name was Margaret and she was a painter. They had a few friends in common and she was in the midst of creating a website to promote her artwork. She and Zenek talked enthusiastically about art and website design for almost an hour at the party. But just as Zenek was gathering the nerve to ask her for her phone number, a man walked up to her who she immediately turned to and kissed. Turning back to Zenek, Margaret said, ‘Zenek, this is my boyfriend, Daniel.’ Zenek’s heart sank and he could barely gather the strength to clasp Daniel’s outstretched hand. ‘Nice to meet you,’ he said. He looked over his shoulder then down at the floor. ‘I’m going to the kitchen for a drink. Do either of you want anything?’

Daniel shook his head and Margaret did the same. Then, changing her mind, Margaret said, ‘Actually, sure. Get me one of whatever you’re having.’ ‘No problem.’ On his way to the kitchen Zenek tried to put the idea of any of union between him and Margaret out of his head.

Margaret friend-requested Zenek the day after the Halloween party and they started messaging each other about Margaret’s website. Zenek was happy to answer her questions about coding. He was an art lover and he’d reached a level of competency at his job that he was starting to have a good deal of free time on his hands. He and Margaret soon started meeting in person to discuss Margaret’s website. Margaret told him from the outset that she couldn’t pay him except in a piece of art and Zenek assured her that that was fine, that he was glad to help make the world more beautiful and support an artist.

After three months the website was done to a level that satisfied both Zenek and Margaret. In the interim the two had grown very fond of each other. Zenek liked Margaret’s emotional exuberance and active imagination. He couldn’t help feeling his original attraction to her return when he visited her one time at her studio and she was covered in paint wearing nothing but cut-off jean shorts and a tank top. For Margaret’s part, she liked Zenek’s stoicism and unfailing moral compass. At various times she’d told him about hers and Daniel’s sexual problems of late and she didn’t notice a change in his demeanour whatsoever. Instead praying on Margaret’s vulnerability and trying to get her into bed, he repeatedly assured her that she and Daniel would work things out.

The painting Margaret made for Zenek in compensation for his help creating her website was one of her favourites ever. It was a four by five canvass of layered green and yellow paint with designs and impressions scrapped out of it using different pallet knives. It was a technique she’d worked at considerably but had only felt mildly successful at doing up until then. Most of the scrapings and cut-outs in her previous pieces were of fairly predictable patterns whereas Zenek’s piece was the first in which she’d tried using more organic shapes and lines. The overall effect of the piece was of something controlled and deliberate yet spontaneous and messy.

Margaret brought Zenek his piece at 8:00 one evening in mid-January. When she presented it to him he looked at it quizzically for a least a minute. Finally, when he took his eyes off it, she noticed they were moist if not wet. ‘Thank you,’ he said in a low voice. ‘It’s very beautiful.’

Margaret had never seen anyone so moved by her art. This, coupled with the physical neglect she was experiencing from her boyfriend, caused her to take a half-step closer to him. ‘I’m glad you like it,’ she said and glanced at his lips. Zenek felt his breath speed up and his heart beat in his chest. He completed the remaining distance between them and kissed her. A minute later they went to his bedroom.

The premise of Zenek and Margaret’s affair was strictly physical. Margaret loved Daniel but his inability or unwillingness to please her sexually left her feeling very lonely. She felt tremendous guilt at abusing Daniel’s trust but what else could she do. They’d tried to talk about their intimacy issues but Daniel was unwavering in his belief that he could have a heart attack if he made love to her. He suffered from severe anxiety yet refused to see a therapist or take any medication for it out fear it would interfere with his work as a filmmaker.

Zenek felt bad about sleeping with Margaret too. He’d met Daniel several times and really liked him. He was always friendly and appreciative towards him for the work he’d done for Margaret’s website. Less trusting men would have been suspicious or jealous of someone who spent so much time with his girlfriend. (It turned out he had reason to be.)

Nevertheless the sex was great and Margaret was lovely. Zenek let her decide the times and lengths of their encounters and was careful not to kiss him on the mouth more than a few times per meeting. Mostly they met at Margaret’s studio on weeknights to avoid his roommates catching them. (Daniel and Margaret lived together so her place was out of the question.) The air mattress Margaret bought from Wal-Mart for them to have sex on in her studio was a bit tawdry but she managed to make a joke about it that put Zenek more at ease. (She said it was a dystopic, late-stage capitalist canvas.)

Gratifying though it was, the affair couldn’t go one forever. Guilt over Daniel’s would-be feelings was mounting in Margaret and Zenek’s need for a fuller relationship was starting to show. When he brought a new sheet set for the air mattress one night in late March, Margaret felt it was time to stop. Glancing at the sheets in Zenek’s hand, she sat down on the mattress. ‘I think this might be starting to get out hand,’ she said.

Zenek sat down beside her. ‘Yeah, I guess. What do you want to do?’

‘Let’s pretend we never met, that this was just a beautiful painting hanging in a gallery we each glanced at but never saw again.’

‘Sure,’ said Zenek, lowering his eyes. ‘A beautiful painting.’ He got up slowly. ‘Goodbye, Margaret.’

He kissed her on the cheek and left.

That spring was a depressing one for Zenek. However incomplete his relationship was with Margaret, it was better than nothing and he missed her a great deal. He tried to occupy himself by taking up rock-climbing and the activity helped somewhat. By the time the first consistently good weather of the year arrived in June he was virtually free of longing for his former lover.

Yet there was more missing from Zenek’s life than romance and companionship. His job no longer brought him the peace of mind and detachment he remembered falling in love with in math class so many years ago. He couldn’t stop his attention from drifting to bigger pictures, to what his daily efforts were going towards. He thought about the possibility of advancement within IBM or moving to another company. He could become a project coordinator, a manager and perhaps with a lot of work, a VP. But all of these roles, while better paying, required him to over-see other people and this responsibility went against his sensitive and non-judgmental nature. He thought about going back to school to do a master’s; the prospect certainly appealed to him intellectually. He’d like nothing more than to immerse himself in the most challenging theoretical and conceptual problems computer science had to offer. The drawback to this direction was money. He’d just managed to pay off his student debt from his bachelor’s degree and graduate school tuition was twice as much as undergrad. And besides, what was the end game with a master’s, A PhD? He couldn’t see himself working strictly in research or academia. No, a master’s in computer science wasn’t a solution to his vocational ennui. At best it would be a temporary fix.

One day in mid-July 2010 Zenek saw a poster for a lecture on the applications of information technology to environmental issues on the bulletin board at his rock-climbing gym. He went to the lecture and learned about a concept developed by an American economist called ‘distributed systems’. According to the economist the concept and its principles were already at work in the communications, political and cultural arenas. The prototypical distributed system was the Internet, a decentralized and non-hierarchical system of organization and distribution of goods. According to the economist – and the lecturer cribbing him – distributed energy systems wherein individual homes could produce green energy was the only way out of the world’s addiction to fossil fuels and eminent global environmental ruin.

Zenek was inspired by the lecture and immediately started researching schools and programs where computer science and sustainability were being taught together. His research led him to the University of Edinburgh’s master’s in environmental design and sustainability program. He liked the idea of returning to Europe in addition to the program itself. He looked at the admission requirements, saw that he met most of them, and set about applying.

Zenek was accepted to the 2011 master’s program in environmental design and sustainability at the University of Edinburgh. He found out he’d gotten in during the middle of the winter after his and Margaret’s affair and was really excited. He had lots of time to prepare to move and he didn’t even own much furniture or things he couldn’t easily pack up and take with him. Anything he had that was excessively heavy or bulky he could leave at his dad and stepmom’s house until he came back – if he came back.

After learning of his acceptance and getting organized to move, Zenek found his attention again drifting back to his romantic void. He thought about Margaret and whether he’d ever find another woman like her. They’d bumped into each other occasionally at parties since their affair and the experience always depressed him. She seemed to have resolved her issues with Daniel, the two of them always hanging off of each other like teenaged love-birds.

Thankfully that summer arrived and left quickly. For his departure, Zenek’s friends organized a big farewell party at his Parkdale apartment. His dad and stepmom and sister came. Ewelina cried at several points in the evening over, but Zenek assured her he’d be home for Christmas and every other chance he got. The rest of the party was filled with raucous drinking and laughter.

Zenek flew to Edinburgh airport the day after his farewell party carrying a sizable hangover along with all his luggage. He managed to sleep on the plane and woke up an hour before landing in foggy, damp Scotland. The first thing he noticed as the plane dipped beneath the cloud-line was the emerald green colour of all the plants and fields below. It seemed like a very appropriate place to study ‘green’ technology.

Zenek went through customs and got the bus to the city centre. Edinburgh was much smaller than Toronto and he arrived just outside Waverly Station in less than half an hour. Along the way, he gazed out the bus window at the buildings and scenery of Scotland’s capital. Nearly everything was built in moss-covered stone and nothing was taller than five or seven storeys. The architectural feel gave a sense of history, modesty and authenticity.

Zenek passed Edinburgh Castle and Princes Street Gardens and the bus came to a stop. At that point he found his bus to the university and boarded it. It was difficult managing all his bags but Edinburghers were very polite and yielded to him as he got on and off the buses with all his things.

He arrived at his stop on campus and made his way to the student housing complex where he was renting a room in an apartment along with two other students in his program that he’d met online. He was the first of the three of them to arrive and when he opened the front door to the flat, he dropped his bags and went straight to the couch to collapse.

#short story #amwriitng #literary fiction

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tsundere-sims · 7 years ago

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Nicole Xiao

Basics Name: Nicole Xiao L’Ane she was born Xiao Nicole L’Ane but she switched her first name and her second name, her surname is luxembourgeois Ethnicity: Eurasian (father of pure luxembourgish family established in China for years and Chinese mother) (mother is daughter of Bengali father and Chinese mother living in Laos for decades) so (dad -> white & asian mom-> bengali and chinese) Age: 22 Sexuality: Straight, grey-aromantic Employment: Writer Birthday: 7 janvier 1995 Sign: Capricorn Eye Color: Amber Hair Style/Color: straigt black shoulder length hair Height: 5’03 Clothing Style: conservative, colorless (brown sometimes) Favorites Color : pale brown Animal: rodent Movie: Westerns,Japanese horror films & Asian actions film Game: pc games Music: alternative rock, blues, rocknroll, Electro pop, basically all her playlist Drink: milk tea Food: All Chinese street food involving pork Thoughts Your First Thoughts Waking Up: I don't waste time, I wake up and go no time to wander What You Think About the Most: my adoptive parents John and Authrine What You Think About Before Bed: Why Liun and I can move to welcome 3 more people to live with us You Think Your Best Quality Is: My apathy really, I love the fact that I have the ability to dissociate and be immune to what hurts others the most, the people I'm close too feel comfortable telling me anything, bc most of the time it don't phase me and I never judge nobody, I'm like a blank page….” Childhood memories/Relationships/Idols/etc. Nicole fave memory as a child is the birth of her little sister Vili as her and Liun felt lonely since brother was always at school and mom work 3 job and is only home sumdays, they took care of her like their 3rd twin. Mother (Xue Han): She was not close to her mom at all bc she was barely home working 3 jobs first at a local laundry from 12 to 4pm, in a hotel from 6pm to 10pm and as waitress from 10pm to midnight, therefore she slept at their aunt house and left Nicole,Liun and baby Vili alone with their brother who went to school from 9am to 6pm. So they barely had time to bond plus the mom had an exhorbitant love for money when she married she just did bc he impressed her with his family rich reputation in China and the fact he was half white(she was very ashamed of her Bengali heritage in a white beauty supremacy Laos & China) so she urged to marry him and weirdly she had a child shortly after as a “surprise” (huh she was pregnant before meeting him she took the opportunity by marrying what she thought was a rich man to make him believe the baby was HIS and secure the wealth she wanted) after the marriage she realized Qiang was not a direct heir of the “L’Ane” family wealth but just a cousin of the Heir he had an argument with and they cut him out of financial support, they became lower middle class, by that time she was pregnant with twins and didn't announced to Quiang, who signed paper saying that his family had just one Child and no plans of another bc China population was too much and birth had to be limited. They recieved 5,000 for accepting the “agreement” not to have children but then she announced her pregnancy after Quiang decided to hide the kids by not declaring them at birth, just the time to get a lawyer to annul the agreement. Fearing to get arrested bc Quiang didn't find a lawyer that will accept to be paid a lower middle class family revenue she declared the children, Quiang accepted but left the house not taking care of the newborn twins for 5 month, And Xue had to payback the 5,000¥ so she took a job and had her family track Quiang down they found him, homeless and hungry he came back home w no explanation and was a stay at home dad for the twins and Xue worked. To payback the money he secretly got into the Chinese mafia and sold drugs and firearms in secret places. Him & Xue never talked in that period he hated her to have put them in this situation of payback and she hated him to have lied about his wealth. Within 2 month they paid back now everybody's just acted like this never happened and the subject wasn't talked again. Xue stopped the working and rebecame the stay at home mom, Quiang continued to mysteriously bring much money home but Xue didn't question it as they became upper middle class and her lifestyle was fancy. Quiang was depressed bc he wanted out of the mafia but that's impossible unless death, he put Kein in a high private school. But 2 years later the twins were 3 year old, Quiang brutally left the house, they got kicked out their wealthy mansion and back to their lower middle class life, Xue was in the last stage of her pregnancy and Kein was not kim led out of school as it was vacations but for the rentrée Xue had to find a solution she send the twins to her aunt and went work in the capital while pregnant. And continued to work after Vili birth that she left at the aunt house and Keon still went to school. The mother was close the twins as baby but unable to bond as they grew very mature at the age of 3. And even know Xue is like a old connaissance who gave them up for Nicole. Father (Quiang L’Ane): Weirdly she gets along beat with Quiang even if he was an on and off dad she as no difficulty or awkwardness talking to him maybe because Nicole is Schizoid she really not is big on social relations so even if he don't talk to her in weeks she won't hold no grunges against him, talking is very spontaneous with Quiang and Nicole it's that personal daughter-dad bond that only them can get. After he left when she was 3, he came back a month after her sister birth and secretly took them (Nicole,Liun & Kein) with the permission of the aunt who stayed with vili and told nothing to Xue, and they stayed with him and he will introduce them to “cousins” Wen & Lam and he frequently did that half month without Xue ever knowing the only time he came see her was to file for divorce BROTHER/SISTERS: Nicole and Kein where very close he was the perfect big brother at least he tried, stealing stuff for them to eat, reading them stories celebrating their birthday by telling every neighborhood who gave them flowers, coming to take them after school everyday being the funniest and indépendant from anybody. When they got adopted he was way more depressed than Liun (who wanted her momma) and Kevin didnt understand how she felt nothing he got bullied at school bc he couldn't talk English and always fought and got in trouble after school because in China he always hang out with his dad and dads friend ( who he didn't know where mafia and Chinese Gamgsters) so he had a strong character. The bullying didn't last and he was the most feared/respected at school. So at home it had an effect on how he didn't interact with sisters or adoptive parents (who he HATES) anymore from his high school years. When he went to college he got back to his old self as he saw his dreams of big study came true slowly bc he makes himself remember how his dad made everything to have him in school and how proud his momma was so he got right to the only memory of his parents that he had his sisters. Just has everything went good John and Authrine went to Laos with all the children for vacations and they linked up with Xue, Liun,Kein and Ovi were the happiest and Nicole was very apathic with her mom but was polite. So they linked up and spent few days with her she asked about college for Kein then (OF COURSE) for some money as if what she was sent monthly by the rich family was not enough. And she revealed in an argument with Quiang that Kein wasn't his son after Quiang came out of nowhere to say hi to his kids, and Quiang revealed that Wen and Lam were his children. This was what déclenched an identity crisis for Kein he took the first plane back to New York and didn't give any news to anybody but a text to John and Authrine saying he is fine and back in college. They didn't question it. So that he was already lost to he was in high school he was back broken in the identity crisis stage with no answer to who brought him to this world and it's been 2 year he hasn't talk to any of his sisters or adoptive parents or “biological” parents nobody came after him because he sends news every month from a cab somewhere in NYC Your character’s relationship with their mother or their father, or both. Was it good? Bad? : Were they spoiled rotten, ignored? Do they still get along now, or no?: Where (and when) did they grow up? How did they view it as a child, and did that change as they matured? How do they feel about the place now? : Describe their best and worst memories from childhood : Who was their idol growing up?: What were they like as a child?: How do they feel about their family? How does their family feel about them?: Do they have siblings/cousins?: Sex/Romance What are they attracted to in a partner?: Do they have any particular fetishes or kinks?: Is there anything in particular that they won’t do?: Have they ever hurt someone they loved?: Do they fall in love easily?: Who is their current partner, and what attracted the character to them?: What kind of a relationship is it?: Misc Questions (less personal) Do they have any allergies? : What is their weapon of choice if they had to use one?: What is their preferred method of transportation?:. What kind of weather makes them happy, and what kind makes them sad?: What languages do they speak?: Do they eat a healthy diet? A varied one?: As a child, what did they want to be when they grew up?: What do they do when they need comfort?: What are they like when they are drunk?: Where in their body do they keep stress or tension?: Do they have any pet peeves or dislikes, and how do they react to encountering them?: Do they like to travel?: How well do they take criticism? How do they react to others noticing their flaws?: What are they like when they get sick? Do they have a particular system (ears, lungs, etc) that illness gravitates to?: How do they react to being physically injured or undergoing medical treatment?: 1: What’s your OC’s biggest insecurity and how would they react if someone pointed it out to them?  2: If your OC wants to buy a firearm, what it might be for? she owns one and it’s for protection (it was a gift from one of her brothers) 3: Does your OC behave differently around different people, if so with whom and how?  4: Would your OC want to involve themselves in humanitarian work ? If yes, then for what? If not, then why not? 5: How would your OC generally react to someone being verbally abusive towards them for no apparent reason?  6: Does your OC have a realistic image of their own intelligence?  7: Does your OC have any irrational phobias?  8: How is/was your OC’s relationship with their parents? 9: Does your OC feel a pressure to achieve or are they content and calm with doing what 10: Does your OC guard their emotions by being tough? If not how would they?  11: How would your OC react to hearing they’re adopted? 12: What is one of the most primary things your OC feels that is missing from their life?  13: What kind of situations does your OC avoid the most? talking about feelings 14: If your OC gets into a fight with their best friend, would they wait for their friend to make up with them, or would they try to make up with their friend?  15: Does your OC consider themselves a good person?  16: Is your OC good at giving others validation of their feelings and making them feel understood?  17: Does your OC suffer from any mental health issues?  19: What boosts your OC’s confidence the most?  20: Does your OC hurt others often unintentionally? If yes, how?  21: Does your OC hurt others often intentionally? If yes, how?  22: How does your OC usually show affection? Are they openly romantic or more restricted with their affectionate emotions?  23: Does your OC tend to hide something about their personality/essence when meeting new people? If yes, what?  24: How would your OC react if they got humiliated by someone in a group of people? 25: How would your OC process the grief caused by the death of a loved one?  26: What is the most intense thing your OC has been battling with?  27: Does your OC practise any kind of escapism? If yes, what kind?  28: How would your OC react if a bully stole their lunch money in high school? . 29: How does your OC behave on the face of a conflict?  30: What makes your OC defensive quickest?

#nicole

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newssplashy · 6 years ago

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“All of the Caucasian kids in my class were generally larger than me. They had their growth spurts earlier,” Pang, 33, tells MensHealth.com. “I was a small kid. When it came time to meet girls and stuff, I felt like a boy, rather than a man.”

Chris Pang started working out for a pretty common reason: to get the girl.

Insecure about his body, Pang started hitting the gym. It paid off - both personally and in his professional life.

Pang is now starring in this summer’s highly anticipated movie Crazy Rich Asians, out August 15. In the movie, which is the first Hollywood film in 25 years to feature an all-Asian cast, Pang plays Colin Khoo, the best friend of the main character Nick (Henry Golding), the scion of a wealthy Singapore family.

"I think it's important for Asian men to get portrayed that way," she told MensHealth.com.

In Crazy Rich Asians, Lim and co-writer Peter Chiarelli deliberately set out to depict Asian men as sexy and masculine. The movie seeks to accomplish this not by delving into serious subject matter like The Joy Luck Club (the last mainstream Hollywood movie to feature a mostly Asian cast), but by emphasizing the joy of being Asian - and, in the case of Pang and Golding, the joy of being an attractive, fit Asian man.

“[The movie shows] Asian men and the masculinity of Asian men, without needing to overdo it or overcompensating, without being heavy-handed,” says Ronnie Chieng, who plays one of the film’s antagonists, Edison Cheng.

This portrayal was, in part, inspired by the original book by author Kevin Kwan, which plays up many of the characters' masculine traits.

“[Kwan] was describing the character of Michael, the husband of Astrid [Nick’s cousin], that he was in the military. Part of why she was drawn to him was this raw sort of masculinity and sexuality,” Lim explains. “And we thought, ‘Oh my Gosh! It’s so great that that’s in the book. Let’s do it not just with his character, but with other characters as well.’"

“In one of my first drafts of the movie, there were a lot more overt, sensual interactions,” she says, explaining that the director Jon M. Chu even made fun of her for how many sexually charged scenes she wrote. “Even if it wasn’t sex itself, it was these sexually loaded physical interactions, because I think it’s important Asian men get portrayed that way.”

Showing a bunch of good-looking guys with their shirts off might not sound revolutionary. But in Hollywood, which has historically almost exclusively cast Caucasian actors in romantic leading man roles, it definitely is. Further, pop culture is full of racist depictions of “emasculated” Asian men, from Mickey Rooney’s yellowface caricature in Breakfast at Tiffany’s to the perpetually horny Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles.

“When I was growing up, the Asian stereotype was you’re either a martial artist who could kick ass, but never got the girl, or you were some nerdy math genius who played Ping-Pong."

Even when they aren’t portrayed as dorky or buffoonish, Asian male characters are typically still portrayed in movies and TV as totally asexual. Even though Jet Li was cast as the romantic lead opposite the magnetic Aaliyah in 2000’s Romeo Must Die, he still doesn’t get the opportunity to kiss her at the end. And this message translates to dating IRL: according to a 2014 OkCupid survey, Asian men are considered less desirable than other men on the site.

When he watched movies or TV growing up, Pang failed to see an Asian man who he could look up to, someone who was fit and kicked ass and was sexually attractive to women. So he decided to work out in part as a way to become that man himself.

“When I was growing up, the Asian stereotype was you’re either a martial artist who could kick ass but never got the girl, or you were some nerdy math genius who played Ping-Pong," he says. “As a kid, you feel second-rate and you feel lesser about yourself. You have a complex about your self-image, because of what you’re taught in the media.”

It was initially difficult for Pang to achieve his fitness goals. Because he has an ectomorph body type - which means that he has trouble adding muscle to his lean, lanky frame - it was tough for him to put on weight. As a result, his workout routine is entirely geared towards building muscle: he barely does cardio, and he eats as many complex carbohydrates as possible to bulk up.

Because Pang travels constantly, he tries to concentrate on specific muscle groups to keep track of his progress. “I can’t always make it to the gym consistently, so to keep track, I tell myself that the next time I go to the gym it'll be Leg Day,” he says.

Pang doesn’t want to isolate his muscles too much, though. So he favors free weights over machines, which he says don’t engage as much with the smaller muscles that help with movement. He starts out with compound exercises before concentrating on a specific muscle group, which, for a workout focused on the lower body, might mean deadlifts followed by squats. On chest days, Pang starts with the standard bench press, before moving onto more targeted variations of the movement with an incline or decline.

Sometimes Pang flips his focus and does workouts filled with eccentric reps, which emphasize the part of an exercise that lengthens the muscle movement (like when you lower yourself down in a squat, or lower the weight in a curl).

Pang's efforts are paying off: if you look at photos of him on Instagram, the results speak for themselves. But his workout routine isn’t the only thing that has made him more comfortable with his masculinity. “It all amounts to your confidence and attitude, and the working out had a positive effect on that,” he says.

Now, when Pang thinks about how he felt small, scrawny, asexual, and "pathetic," he's saddened by his younger self's attitude.

“I want to have pride in the way that I look and the way that I stand,” he says. “You know, I used to hunch a lot. My dad used to always walk past me and push my shoulders back to straighten my back. And I think going to the gym not only strengthened the muscles to help me with my posture, but also gave me the confidence to stand tall.”

"I hope [the audience] takes away that Asian men can be as hot as all get-out."

When Crazy Rich Asians is released on August 15, the film's producers have high hopes for the movie’s cultural impact.

“I’ve worked in TV for a long time and you begin to understand that if you see something about a certain group of people often enough, it becomes the truth,” Lim says. And this, in turn, affects how parts like romantic lead roles, which are so often written and cast exclusively for white actors, are written and cast. “The representation of the Asian male as sexually attractive and assertive is so important," she says.

Fortunately, Pang and the Crazy Rich Asians production team aren't the only ones actively fighting stereotypes surrounding Asian men. On social media, Asian heartthrobs like Daniel Dae Kim and John Cho have garnered tremendous followings (in fact, there was a viral Twitter campaign, #StarringJohnCho, to cast Cho as the romantic male lead in mainstream movies.) There’s also a growing community of Asian bodybuilders on Instagram, who are asserting their masculinity through weightlifting.

Pang says the impact of all this representation can’t be underestimated. “If just one person like me when I was growing up saw that movie and felt like they were more accepted, I feel like that’s a win and it’s already changing the landscape,” he says.

Lim agrees. When asked about what she hopes audiences take away from the film about Asian men, she says with a laugh: “I hope that they take away that Asian men can be hot as all get out!”

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