#acab but not detective woof

[devilmass]

murder wasn't exactly something that happened in port eloise. while it was true that he could say the tied piper from the parish over had been local, port eloise hadn't seen a homicide since the union days when lynching had been at an all time high. he doesn't think the sheriff in eloise has ever seen the inside of his mortuary, but something tells him manuel is familiar with it. ❝ y'all get much murd'ras 'round these parts ? ❞

with his question answered, something of a disgusted look crosses the preacher's face. his mouth pulls into a thin line. ❝ y'chased a mu'dra up onto this roof? this roof righ' here? ❞ now, rodrick wasn't a superstitious man but he was a coward at heart and the thought that any murderers at all have been inside the church made him swallow loudly.

❝ well, friend, consider this yer' penance fer' not comin' back'n fixin' it. the good news is that y'ain't gotta suffer. i got lemonade n'leftovers. i'll feed'ja, too. ❞ hell, if there was anyone at all he could trust with his life it'd probably be that man right there; something still chills him about the story though, and rodrick comes down the steps, into the sun.

❝ jesus was a carpenter first, manuel. the rest will come. ❞

“Sounds like a decent change of pace for me. Being the homicide department means it’s good when I don’t have anything to do but I’d rather not spend that free time alphabetizing the archives.” He laughed. “Double as the town’s handyman anyways—well… if you believe half the ladies that live in my building anyways.”

Definitely not an intentional brag on his part, but Manny did like to believe after this long he sort of knew his way around the power tools.

“Funny story that… might’ve unintentionally been my fault.” A sheepish admission, surprising, but it was in his personal experience that embarrassing stories did tend to make one look pretty normal so… “Guy was wanted for three murders and an attempted strangling. Sent me on a wild goose chase until we had him cornered on the roof and well… suppose that’s how we found out the weight limit of wood that hasn’t been treated since 1945.”

He could’ve sworn he was still plucking splinters out to this day. And other wood bits. And maybe he had given up on getting a fix since the place hadn’t seen a congregation in quite some time. “Not much of a religious guy anymore, but town’s dragged long enough and it’s kinda my fault anyways so… up for more than just pews.”

[secretadventuresociety]

Episode 28 Recap

Hail and well met, SASholes!! I’m Bren, resident SAStorian and your favorite Dungeons and Dragons fangirl. Welcome to Episode 28: In The Shadows.

Ding, Dong, the Dick is Dead

We pick back up with Kess and Pearce standing inside the bedroom of the now dead Xarus. An awkward silence tugs between our two heroes before Pearce raises his hand to Kess in the request of the highest of fives. She leaves the boy hanging (bad form, Kessandria…) and attempts to discern how long her ex-fiance has been deceased. Be it nerves, shock, or pleasure-- neither she nor Pearce can pinpoint an estimated time of death. However, Kess still begs Sienna to hand over her diamond ring, which she eventually does once the changeling reveals her plans. Kess takes the engagement jewel and casts Revivify. The gem shatters, covering a still-lifeless bag of di-- well. Too soon to speak ill of the dead? A moment passes, and no change. It has been more than the sixty seconds required to bring a soul back with this low-level incantation.

Pearce pulls Sienna aside and summons his best Poirot-- interrogating her despite her (seemingly-- we trust no one!) fragile state. She admits that she was deep in sleep until Xarus began ‘trembling’, which she later clarifies as something adjacent to choking. The writhing shook her awake, just in time for her to witness her fiance leaping off the bed and collapsing almost immediately. Being unable to recall any other details, the (SEEMINGLY) broken widow asks for her ring to be returned, not questioning its ruined state. She then promptly exits the room to hurk the awkward dinner party’s contents onto the hallway tile. Kess looks after her, consumed with guilt for being unable to bring back the son of a bi-- still too soon? You guys are no fun.

Pearce listens as Kess repeats how Xarus wasn’t acting like himself-- but as she finishes, he attempts to reassure her that he deserved it, and that he was probably a bastard his whole life. Which-- frankly-- I agree with the gunslinger here. This snaps Kess out of her spiral long enough that she casts Detect Magic and roams the bedroom. The most ominous thing that stands out is a lockbox under the bed. Pearce, after noting that Xarus’ side of the bed is still warm, takes off to the bedroom he claimed with Kü to grab his lockpicking tools. He checks in on the kobold, who (in Pearce’s own words) is resting like a ‘horrifying little angel’ as Kü ferociously tears into some dream animal or another in his sleep.

Honey, I Traumatized the Kids

As Pearce meets back up with Kess at the scene of the crime, he notices the whole fam damnily is in the threshold. He pushes past, handing off his thievery set, and watches as Kess masterfully opens the glowing (possibly enchanted?? We have no idea!) box to reveal…. PAPERWORK! While every accountant is realigning the pearls that they’ve clutched-- let me tell you the most important thing in this mound of dead trees: the deed to the Shadowmore estate. The druid then spots a bottle of wine on the nightstand on Xarus’ side of the bed, which she is easily able to tell has not been tampered with in any way. Satisfied with her search (for now!), Kess walks out of the room to greet her mother-- who steps closer to her with a noticeable limp. S U S. Norse goes into mom gear before her daughter can question the ailment; demanding a magistrate be summoned and all incriminating evidence be hidden on the family wing of the house.

As Kess moves to carry out the latter of her mother’s checklist, she grabs her mother by the elbow and asks her what happened in hushed tones. The matron changeling tries to lie at first, stating that she fell down the stairs on the way down to Xarus’ bedchambers. Kess, however, sees through this lie and presses her… almost immediately wishing she hadn’t. Her mother seethes through her clenched teeth that she and her husband were very relieved to have her back home, so they were taking advantage of their alone time. You know. Naked. Thankfully, Pearce pulls Kess out of the embarrassment bubble to be able to speak with her alone as they walk up to the fourth floor and start to hide criminal paraphernalia. 

The two discuss possible culprits-- their minds going towards the supernatural. Pearce wonders about Mother and her growing presence as Kess frets about Ashe and his love of flame. Zev, having yoinked the wine from Xarus’ room, gulps it in a chill silence until the pair notice he’s there. A thread connects in Kess’ mind, and she asks her brother how long Rook had been making potions. Ever helpful, Zev shrugs and assumes about a year, then excuses himself to retire to his room. Having finished their task, Pearce and Kess decide they should do the same, probably a fantastic idea since neither of them got a long rest. For safety’s sake-- they make their way to the room where Kü is still sleeping soundly so that the whole party can be together.

That’s it, You’re all Going to Therapy

For some reason, our gunslinger decides it’s a fantastic idea to reach out and touch Kü’s faith; though the moment his finger grazes Mother’s skull, Kü awakens with a start. He mumbles in confusion about the dream he had just woken up from, then notices the darkness still blanketing the windows and asks to sleep until morning. Kess and Pearce take no time at all to wait for the kobold to get back into his REM cycle-- talking conversationally about Xarus and his fate. Kü overhears this and asks Kess which of her brothers died, not recognizing her ex-arranged-beau by name. Finally, Kü discerns that she means the ‘dickbag’ (SEE I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT) and promptly is uninterested. Kess asks Kü if Mother has ever come out in his sleep— he craftily avoids telling the whole truth by just admitting she is doing things she never has before. In the midst of his friends, who worry Mother may punish him for speaking out of turn, the kobold shrugs the interaction off as a dream and nods back off.

Having been newly spooked, Kess and Pearce delay their plans to rest and try to kill a little time (woof, that may be an unfortunate turn of phrase here) waiting for the magistrate. They go downstairs on a search for Pearce’s clean travelling clothes and a midnight snack. As the gunslinger dresses, Kess stares at his stained mask. She asks why there’s red marring the fabric, and he reveals that when he was first recruited into his band of bounty hunters that he attempted to make the much older members respect him by plastering the face covering with paint to simulate blood. Poor buddy. For obvious reasons, it didn’t work, but it still looks damn cool! We stan our emo king. Kess breaks off toward the kitchen and makes quite the shark coochie (if you know, you know) for the trio to share once Kü actually wakes up.

Pearce forgos any of the furniture as they make it back to the guest room, preferring to instead sleep on the floor to be alert in case of any danger. Hey-- hey buddy? Hey pal? Pearce, I hate to tell you this, but you gots some PTSD*! Our Trauma Boy (™, ™, ™,) hears footsteps with his ear resting to the floor and so is unable to really sleep. Kess builds a pillow fort around them all (while we’re diagnosing each other-- can we say arrested development?) and the overwhelming smell of raw meat (which Kess grabbed specifically for Kü) wakes up our favorite tiny terror, who digs into the offering, refusing to look a gift meat in the mouth although he was pretty sure he dreamed having a conversation with his companions. He does, however, ask if someone is truly dead-- and once confirmation is given-- he turns to Pearce and asks him how he killed Xarus, causing both indignation and amusement.

Sleeping Together

Kü tells Pearce that he would have lost a bet had he made one on who killed Xarus-- and Kess Dramatic Hamsters her gaze towards the gunslinger, having been reminded of how much money he lost her in the Underfrost. Pearce angrily replies that he left her money, but when Kess’ stare turns from intense to confused, he describes the note and the door he slipped it under. Kess recognizes the details as her parents’ room, and Pearce flies into a panic, sure that Arthur and Norse will see it and believe he is bribing them to keep quiet about his (nonexistent) part in Xarus’ murder. And what do we do when we’re upset, boys and girls? We take a Stress Nap (™, ™, ™,)! 

Our bleeding heart kobold agrees to watch over his sleeping friends, and leaves Kess and Pearce safely in their pillow fort-- closing the guest room door and pacing back and forth in front of it. Energy unwavering even after two and a half hours, Kü keeps up his post even as Norse makes her way to him, looking for the dosing duo. Kü takes special care to let her know that her daughter and Pearce are in the bedroom sleeping together-- and that he heard strange sounds coming from inside. After asking her if he should check on them, Norse awkwardly murmurs that someone is asking to speak with the three of them as soon as possible. Kü interprets ‘ASAP’ as ‘As Soon As Pearceandkesswakeup’, so the three of them descend downstairs after their long rest is completed. 

They notice the mansion staff hanging around, and enter Xarus’ chambers to see a tabaxi woman smoking a pipe standing inside. Kess immediately recognizes her as Mardosta’s local private detective and fellow Xarus-hater; Brienne. Now, I really hate to say ACAB to this probably lovely catperson; but ma’am, do we really think smoking WHERE SOMEONE WAS MURDERED IS A GOOD IDEA? Ever hear of crime scene tampering??!! Where’s David Caruso when you need him?! ANYWAY. Brienne asks for a good place to interrogate the trio, and Kü offers up Kess’ greenhouse. As the changeling leads the group there-- she outlines the rules for her safe space which basically boils down to NO TOUCHY.

Who Needs Natural 1s With Brains Like These by Fall Out Boy

Pearce pushes Kü to go first, and so the kobold grabs a turkey leg for a snack and heads in with the detective. Brienne asks about Kess and Pearce-- wondering what their relation to each other is and their feelings toward Xarus. Kü explains they’ve been travelling together for ‘some amount of time’ and that Kess was mad about Xarus being in her house, but also sad for the same reason. He then moves on to Pearce, saying that the gunslinger absolutely hated him. This, of course, attracts the tabaxi’s attention-- she asks if Kü believes his friend to be violent. Kü emphatically asserts that he is the most violent man he has ever met. Brienne takes thorough notes and Kü continues through the dinner, the Underfrost, and his brutal ass-kicking that led to him going to bed almost instantly once they returned to the mansion; but he does admit that he heard Kess and Pearce talking in hushed voices about someone being dead while he was in between sleep and waking.

The detective trades Kü out for Pearce once the kobold starts to question her about the animosity between her and the deceased-- primarily asking where she was at the supposed time of his expiration. She humors him, stating that she was at home-- passed out after her own nighttime festivities. Kü leaves the room, but not before hearing Mother congratulate him for keeping the tabaxi from suspecting anything. When Pearce enters the greenhouse, Brienne reveals Kü’s accusations about his character and asks if he had any ill will toward Xarus. Pearce, having no reason to lie, lets her know he absolutely did. This brings the tabaxi to ask him outright if he killed Xarus, to which he assured her he didn’t; no matter how much he may have hated him. Brienne is curious as to why the gunslinger hated someone he just met-- and Pearce explains that Xarus treated him and his friends like shit, and he absolutely would have retaliated had the asshole tried something in order to protect them. Brienne jots more notes down as she goes through Kü’s account; adding in Pearce’s own details (the scream, the candle blowing out), and expresses curiosity regarding the kobold’s helmet and disposition.

Pearce does admit that he would describe Kü as ‘feral’, but that he was in no state to hurt anyone or anything that night. Oh, and that YES, the skull on his head is VERY real. In return for these candid answers, Pearce asks why Brienne couldn’t stand the now dead dickbag-- and she tells him his family made their fortune collecting and selling tabaxi fur, and says she wasn’t always known as Brienne; a change that Xarus refused to acknowledge. Pearce then sends Kess in, who again recounts the night’s events-- adding that Sienna (the S E E M I N G L Y upset fiance) looked disgusted with her husband-to-be, feigns ignorance as to why Xarus would have set up residence in her home, and leaves the detective speechless as she divulges that she attempted to bring her ex back to life. Before leaving Brienne to her thoughts, Kess makes sure to impress on her how her friends may seem rough around the edges, but they have good hearts. CUE THE TEARS AND CONTINUE THE INTRIGUE!

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TL;DR

Have you connected any dots yet? Please let me know who you think the killer is because I’ve got nothing.

Reminder to never dig into your parents’ business…. or under their bed. Just trust me.

*Here is a link to the article describing the coping mechanisms of children affected by trauma (cough--PEARCE--cough): https://starr.org/2013/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-reactions/

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Come and drink the Külaid and catch the next session over at twitch.tv/lochness on August 11th at 7:30CST/8:30EST! AND if you’d like to watch THIS episode, you can find it at the link below:

https://youtu.be/tGhm_Qq0smw?t=1254…