#abuse i endured. why? cause it's unhealthy and i deserve better. and you people do too!!! so idk why they want to cling to the whole

[succubi-tch]

I like how people in the comments of that "tag your traumatizing incest media" post are trying to one-up pr*shippers by going "we're all just saying to tag your works, idk why you're getting so mad" while I'm in the bg having said something like You people talk about coping mechanisms like there are no others.

[maaji-maji-majima]

some kissing hcs for Majima?(if u can make it nsfw)

So I'm in a weird place with this. I don't want to leave you unanswered but I know you won't like the answer that I give. It has been a long time since I was active on tumblr and I'm not sure when along the timeline headcanon became synonymous with fanfiction. I appreciate fanfiction authors for their creativity, but I am not one myself. I use headcanon in the older definition of "this isn't in the source material, but it is true in my brain". They are either random things my half asleep mind thought of while walking home from work or a character analysis. At the same token your ask had crawled into my brainmeats and won't leave. So again, I apologize that this most definitely is not what you're looking for, but I hope someone out there finds this to be an interesting read.

Without further introduction, here is a character analysis of our favorite pansexual, gender fluid, emotionally stunted goblin in regards to relationships and why the he desperately needs therapy as brought to you by a different pansexual, gender fluid, emotionally stunted goblin who got therapy but probably needs more.

Trigger warnings: Abuse, self harm, mental disorders, poor coping strategies, unhealthy relationships, random tense changes, not fanfiction

Spoilers for the whole franchise, but very specifically for 0, K1, and 5.

Abuse does weird things to people's brains. In Yakuza 0 Majima has barely been out of the hole for a year. He might no longer be suffering the actual physical torture he had been subjected to the year prior, but he is still directly in the hands of his abusers and being watched every moment. He is still in a cage even if it doesn't look like one. He is depressed and likely suicidal, but doesn't follow through with those thoughts because he is determined to make sure Saejima has a home to come back to. He is willing to endure just about anything to allow Saejima a chance to exact that final moment of retribution because Saejima is the one who deserves it and Majima doesn't feel that there is any possibility for forgiveness. In all likelihood he hasn't sought out anyone for a hookup or paid company for an evening due to a combination of not feeling like he deserves anything that feels good and the fact that he's constantly being watched. The year in hole means he no longer really has a concept of privacy, but he's worried that getting close to someone, even for a few moments, could put them in danger if Sagawa or Shimano feels like holding something else over his head. It isn't worth accidentally dragging someone into his own personal hell. He no longer lives for the present, he is only living for that far-off future that he hopes isn't just a pipe dream.

Enter Makoto. At first she is a stand-in for Saejima's sister Yasuko, but it morphs rapidly from there. She is the light and kindness and hope that he hasn't seen in years and she's being dragged into his bullshit. He knows in his heart of hearts that she doesn't deserve what she is being forced into, so his mind snaps into the immediate and does everything he possibly can to save her. This is is the hill he wants to die on. Maybe, just maybe, he can end his miserable existence with a final act of good and he feels that Saejima might just be able to understand. But because he no longer has any relationships in his life that are not strictly professional or the abusers he cannot escape, he has little recollection of what a nuanced relationship or even friendship is any longer. Due to circumstance she is also the only person that he cannot keep at arm's length, no matter how desperately he tries. So he falls for her and falls hard. But in the end, after everything they go through he does the impossible. He lets her go. She has a life and a future, whereas he has neither of those. What would she do? Become his ane-san? Have some temporary happiness before she realizes she has a target on her back for the rest of her life? No. Majima believes she deserves so much more than that even though it hurts him deeply. What is one more hurt on top of everything else? He's gotten extremely good at burying his pain.

Getting to Tokyo flips a switch in Majima's brain. Like many people with mental trauma who don't have access to therapy he falls into excess as a way of self medicating. He fits virtually everything on the hedonism checklist. Drinking? Yeah. Violence? Hell yeah! Promiscuity? Yeah, but I ain't judging. Drugs? Probably, even though it isn't explicitly stated in game. Everything from his shift in personality to his wardrobe has become, intentionally or not, a defense mechanism. He has escaped from all of his abusers except for Shimano and he refuses to allow anyone to gain that kind of power over him again.

It is a double edged sword, however. His depression and PTSD are running unchecked. In all likelihood he hasn't fallen hard on vices as a way to reclaim ownership off his own body. Instead it seems more probable that he is dissociating. After everything he has been through he doesn't care what happens to his body in the long run because it isn't actually his anymore. Risky behavior, which is practically Majima's middle name, is also frequently used as a passive form of self harm because the end result is either temporarily feeling better thanks to endorphins and adrenaline or permanently feeling better after embracing death. He could achieve a similar feeling by taking up jogging and chasing a runners high, but that takes more time and energy than chugging a handle of whiskey or goading some chump into throwing hands. Sadly even now admitting to mental problems by seeking help is fairly stigmatized in Japan and it was only worse in the early 90s. Can't have a problem if no one tells you it's there, right?

Then he meets Mirei. She's intense but not wild like Majima. At that moment in time she is everything he needs. Head strong, domineering, and very, very determined. She knows exactly what buttons to press to wrap him right around her finger. And he lets her take the reigns, lets her run his life because he realizes he was doing a terrible job on his own. Better her than Shimano, right? Doing something wrong results in the cold shoulder instead of a vicious beating, and doing something right leads to more than simply the relief of avoiding a beating. He decides that making her happy is enough to make him happy. Until suddenly it isn't. He never wanted to be a father, but even the idea that he could have been was enough to cause a fundamental shift in his entire outlook on life. He could have had someone to live for, instead of just survive for. But he had no say in the matter and didn't know until the decision had been made for him. When Mirei told him she had an abortion he snapped. He hit her. The one and only time he raised his hands against her. Disgusted with himself, and wounded by her decision, he left. If he was capable of that, he knew couldn't be the person she had been trying to mold him into. He realized he was nothing but a weight around her neck dragging her down. And so that day signals the end of their short marriage. He spends the next several decades drowning in guilt for his actions while still resenting her for her choice.

That leaves us with Kiryu. Poor, oblivious Kiryu. Majima's fixation is multifaceted but in no small part due to the fact that Kiryu is one of the few people strong enough to hurt him, but is the only one that doesn't want to. And Majima just doesn't understand. After everything, he only deserves to hurt, right? Saejima, Yasuko, Makoto, Mirei. Everyone who gets too close to him ends up worse for it, so why won't Kiryu and his sense of honor seek justice on their behalf? So he does everything he possibly can to wind up Kiryu enough to Pay Attention Damnit, Fight Me. But Kiryu's response is always just flustered awkwardness because he doesn't want like fighting, it's just a part of his job, like wearing a suit or answering a phone. To Kiryu fighting isn't a thing done because it's enjoyable, it's done because it has to be. But he's still the only one who doesn't flinch when Majima brandishes a knife inches from his face.

And then Kiryu is arrested and in jail for ten years. And ten years is a long time to build someone up onto a pedestal. Like only wanting to talk about the best of a person after they've died. The same thing happened with Saejima. Build them in his mind to what he wants or needs them to be since they are not there to actively correct it. The decade is pretty miserable, going through the motions and trying to not make waves with the bigwigs while terrifying the minions into obedience. When he hears Kiryu is being released it is like waking up again. He all but waits at the taxi stand at the entrance of Kamurocho on the day of Kiryu's release, all but vibrating with excitement. It's a fight he has been waiting on for a decade, too bad it was little more than a disappointment.

So Majima decides to bring him back up to spec in that very Majima flavored way. Small fights, big fights, surprise fights. Kiryu is still reluctant because he doesn't have a reason beyond Majima's dreamed up training program he doesn't actually want to be a part of. Of course this only leads Majima to do everything possible to get under Kiryu's skin, including sharing his personal vulnerabilities while disguising them as jokes just to cause fights, but Kiryu just kind of rolls with it which leads to confusion and frustration on both sides. After a while Majima starts to get into Kiryu's hobbies, like pocket circuit, ostensibly as another form of picking a fight. And he discovers he actually enjoys a lot of it. And they are both too dense and emotionally stunted to realize they're basically dating at this point. At multiple points Majima takes potentially lethal blows meant for Kiryu and the excuse that he is the only one allowed to kill Kiryu is very, very thin. He just can't quite admit out loud that he doesn't want to see Kiryu truly hurt because that's weakness and he is Not Weak (tm).

Shimano's death and Kiryu's departure from the clan come as a whirlwind that destroys him all over again. He's left directionless. So he leaves the Tojo in an attempt to find his own way in the world, for the first time in over twenty years.

I think I need to call it here for now. I know I've left out Saejima and Daigo, among others, but I've been working on this for days and my progress has been eaten twice and I just don't have the energy to keep going right at this time. Maybe some day in the future I'll find the time and energy to write out the rest for all the other games.

tl;dr What Majima wants and what he needs are two different things. He wants to fightfuck, but he needs to be bear hugged into submission so that he can have that mental breakdown he's been carefully bottling up for over thirty years. He needs a good, ugly cry. And therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

[thecloserkin]

book review: Sleeping Dogs by Sonya Hartnett (1995)

Genre: YA

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: Nope

Is it shippable: Not particularly but there are interesting facets to their relationship

Bottom line: Borrow it from the library but don’t pay cash money for it

The Willow family lives on a farm in the ass-end of nowhere and it ain’t no picturesque farm either: “Farms are places for working, not preening.” They work from sunup till sundown and they none of them have friends but they do have a pack of dogs. The day Michelle Willow turns twenty-three, her brother Jordan slips into her bed at the crack of dawn:

She knows that Jordan is here stealing time, has planned and plotted this moment of quiet between them, and she curls her hand around his, lets his hair tickle her face without becoming cross for it. He lies still for a minute or more, and then sits up on an elbow so he can kiss her and look at her face and touch her closed eyes. He whispers, “Happy birthday, Michelle.”

This is such a tender stolen moment between them. If only the whole novel went on in this vein! All too soon Jordan has to leave to help their older brother Edward slaughter a sheep. Edward more or less runs the farm; as far as I can tell the only thing their father is good for is yelling at the lot of them for being a pack of lazy layabouts. The only one he abuses physically is Jordan, but all five children come in for their share of emotional abuse. Their mother has long since noped right out of there and now all she does is sit in her chair like a vegetable. And the entire town gives the family a wide berth:

In the shop the chemist is watchful. He does not like the Willow children and thinks them dangerous, delinquent. He asks them what they want and Michelle says, “I want to know why chemists are always old.” She sprays perfume and samplers up and down her arm and in her brother’s face. Jordan retreats outside and leans against the window to wait. He watches the people who pass but drops his gaze if they look back at him.

There is a dynamic here that may strike you as familiar, the nerdy or socially inept brother versus the glamorous sister with a temper to reckon with, a la Justin and Alex Russo from Wizards of Waverly Place. In this incarnation it’s a very unhealthy dynamic — everything about the Willows is unhealthy actually. Into this closed loop arrives an outsider, a would-be painter who overestimates both his native-born artistic talent and his appeal to women. He immediately develops an infatuation for Michelle and can’t understand why she doesn’t reciprocate his interest. Inexplicably one of their younger siblings, Oliver, takes to following this man around like a puppy. Or maybe not so inexplicably:

Although Oliver loves his siblings dearly, he is not yet old enough to consider them friends. He is no loner, and would call himself lonely.

In his eagerness to please, Oliver winds up revealing far too much to the not-particularly-astute painter, such as the fact that Jordan draws for a hobby. The walls of Jordan’s room are papered with drawings, and they are — untutored as he is — much better than anything the painter has ever produced. This hurts the painter’s pride almost as much as Michelle’s rejection does. Oliver makes another very telling observation, which is:

“What you were saying the other day - I’ve been thinking about it - “

”What was I saying?”

”You know, the stuff about kids in a family having favorites … Edward is Speck’s favorite. And Michelle is Jordan’s favorite. Michelle is Dad’s favorite, too. Everyone knows that. He thinks she’s wonderful. He lets her do anything she likes. He never yells at her.”

I love this, I love it when you have a big family and everyone has their own favorite and they all know it but refrain from discussing it. The Starks, for instance: Bran is Cat’s favorite and Jon is Arya’s, that much is canonical but I could sit here all day speculating about the other dynamics. Eventually Oliver lets slip something he really shouldn’t have and that’s when the shit hits the fan: SPOILERS AHEAD

”Michelle doesn’t like other boys. She only likes Jordan. She’ll tell you to go away, because she’s only ever liked Jordan.”

Even someone as thick as the painter cannot possibly miss the implications of that. A sibling conference is hastily convened in which they all close ranks in order to confront the threat of this outsider having such blackmail material in his possession, and the instant sibling solidarity warms my heart. They resolve on a plan of action to drive him out of town. The plan results in the painter peeing his pants as he’s savaged by the Willows’ hunting dogs, so to the extent it chastened and embarrassed him it worked; but on his way out he leaves an unsigned note for their father tipping him off about Michelle and Jordan’s relationship.

”Daddy!” she pleads, “there’s nothing - “

”Liar!” he spits. “Don’t you lie to me! Someone says they’ve seen you, out there in the bush, like animals! Animals, Michelle!”

I do think we are supposed to read possessiveness and jealousy in the way he’s thrashing Michelle here. She is, after all, his favorite. He’s incensed that she prefers Jordan (his least favorite child) as much as by the revelation of their “sin.” Eventually Michelle breaks down:

”Don’t throw me out, Daddy, don’t make me leave. It was Jordan, he made me do everything, he made me, it wasn’t my fault, don’t hurt me.”

Having got what he wanted, he leaves Michelle weeping on the floor, picks up his rifle, goes into the garden and blows the head off of Jordan’s dog before shooting Jordan next. You could interpret it as he wanted to get rid of the dog so it wouldn’t attempt to protect its owner, but to me it looks like he wanted Jordan to suffer by watching the dog die first. And if you didn’t see that ending coming a mile off you are probably new to reading stories about incest.

This novel falls squarely in the category of “books where the incest is a byproduct of abuse/neglect,” of which there are already too many. And unlike, say, Flowers in the Attic, where there is also abuse & neglect galore, it doesn’t frame the central incestuous relationship as a romance. This is primarily a story about an abusive family, and only secondarily about Michelle and Jordan’s bond, which anyway strikes me as uncomfortably uneven. I mean he worships the ground she walks on while she straight-up admits that she’ll probably date other men at some point. I do want to emphasize that just because their father favors Michelle doesn’t mean she’s not a victim too — everybody in an abusive family is a victim simply by virtue of witnessing the abuse and being forced to modify their own behavior accordingly to minimize the chances of abuse. It still kills me that when their father hurts Jordan it is always his left hand, his drawing hand. I don’t want to leave you all on a depressing note, however, so here are some of the shippiest passages:

It is not something they often talk of: they know what they do is said to be wrong and yet certainly it appears to hurt no one. It causes no trouble and no great punishment comes down from the sky to blight them. Griffin hitting Jordan provides the penalty they don’t want but know they probably deserve despite everything they endure, the monotony, the seclusion, the occasional misery of the farm. Denied the chance to do so as children, they are now both incapable of making outside friends: their closeness brings them solace and companionship and seems only just.

Omg they think they deserve to get hit. Because their love is ~wrong. Goddamn it hurts so good.

She leans her weight on his chest and he smells her: she always smells nice to him, like something brand new. He sighs but there is nothing wrong. No other body could be as harmonious to him as Michelle’s, no one would ever fold around him so comfortably, none could wrap him so perfectly, for Shelly and he are made alike.

[trapmoon-vibez-blog]

🙃 Disturbed 🙃

Warning: violence.

It's been 6 months since you have been stuck in this cell, you have been trying your very best to stay strong, hoping that J would come for you, but months has pass and there was no signs of J coming for your rescue.Each day you blamed yourself for getting caught, if only you had listened to J.

That day you decided to going out to buy groceries for you and J for a intimate dinner date at home, so you snuck out of the penthouse, thinking you could handle this little journey to the super market without J's annoying goons following behind you, and everything went smoothly until you was on your way back home and Batman warned you to come with him to Arkham asylum quietly.Of course you refused and tried to fight him which ultimately ended in you getting knocked out and brought to this asylum of the criminally insane.Ever since then this place was a hell hole.Batman brought you here to lure out J and to get you 'help' for you 'unhealthy' relationship with J but J wasn't abusive or cruel to you anymore, he knew you was a innocent girl so he didn't force you to be a criminal and you didn't force him to change, he just wanted your love and affection as much as you wanted his.So why couldn't people understand that? it's not illegal to fall in love.

You was currently laying on your bed in fetal position, when a guard unlocked your cell door "get up, it's time for your session with your doctor." he demanded.You backed away shaking your head 'no' frantically, he walked over to your cowering form "get your ass up!" he grabbed you, and you try to fight him but he over powered you and pulled you out of your cell, bringing you to that devil you call Hugo Strange.

You clawed at him and screeched "I don't wanna go! let me go!" you knew that doctor was going to torture you again just like the other times, but each time you came back to his office he had a new way of playing with your mind.As soon as you was getting closer towards his office, you felt yourself panic "p-please, I don't wanna go in there!" you begged but the guard ignored your cries and slammed you in the chair, strapping your neck, arms, and legs to the chair.You couldn't move and you knew that bastard had something planned for you today and it didn't seem good. "What is going on! get this off me!" you glared at the guard, who started to leave the room "hey get back over here you dip shit! what is this?!" you screamed but he ignored you, so you started to look at your surrounding nervously and notice this room was different.Wait, this room doesn't look familiar at all, what is this place? what exactly is this doctor planning to do to me? I m panicking, I can't take no more of those injections...it's makes my brain feel weird.I can't take anymore of that torture, he calls therapy.All he is doing is trying to break me.That bastard doesn't seem to care about my health, all he wants is a test subject.I've gotta be strong until J gets me, then the pain will go away and everything will be alright.

"Good morning Y/n, I hear you was giving the guard a bit of trouble, is everything okay?" you thoughts was interrupted when you heard Hugo, you shot him a hateful glare, trying to get out of the restraints and just wrap your hands around his throat, squeezing it until the fucker gasp his last breath."Cut the crap, you don't give a shit about me!" you yelled, watching cautiously as he pulled a chair up in front of you, "Y/n that's were your wrong I care about all my patients." he said in a calm tone, that seem to piss you off even more "I'm not your fucking patient, I don't deserve to be here, I'm not insane and this is illegal!" you yelled.He stared at you for awhile as if he was analyzing you"you are sick, but worry not we will cure you of  your sickness and you'll be on the road towards recovery."

"Why do you keep saying that?! I'm not sick!" he shook his head "of course you are, I couldn't imagine the pain you must have endure being with the Joker, seeing all those murders happening right in your very eyes, his explosive temper that always seems to be directed towards you, all those bruises you must've had, the mental torture you endure when he kidnapped you and your family...oh your poor family, he killed them in cold blood and made you watch as he tortured them. All just because of his obsession for you."

you looked down and bit your lip, drawing blood "b-but it's not like that anymore! he loves me, he would never hurt me on purpose, it was a mistake!"

Hugo looked at you with slight amusement "loves you? if he loved you, why haven't he came back to get you, in another 6 more months it will be a year since you first been admitted here." when you didn't reply he continued "shouldn't he have sacrificed himself for your happiness? instead he seems to be back with his original queen Harley Quinn, they was causing quiet a bit of trouble in Gotham.It's as if you was completely forgotten by your lover. You glared at him with tears blurring your vision "you are a fucking liar! he would never do that! never! never! never!" you spoke with venom in your tone but the doctor didn't seem phased, but why would he your strapped to a chair, completely vulnerable and at the will of his mercy. "You knew there is truth to what I say, why does he need someone as replaceable as you...he can create many other 'toys' who will obsess over him, he doesn't want you nor does he need you." you ignored him, but that didn't stop him from spilling poison out of his mouth "don't you owe it to your family to get better and leave the man that killed everyone you love for his own benefits." you shook your head 'no' frantically "he's changed...he's not the old J, the scary one."

"How do you know that Y/n, what if he is lying to you? what if that scary J come back again and hurt you, just like before?" you looked up at him with tears falling down your eyes "stop doing this to me...why are you tormenting me? do you like seeing me suffer? you sick fuck!" you croaked. "We are not here to torment you, were here to help." Hugo looked at his watch "as a matter of fact it's time for treatment, but this time we will try something different." you looked up at him shocked "something different? what are you talking about?!" he got up from his seat, walking towards the door "don't worry Y/n you're in good hands." he closed the door before you could question him further.You put your head down in despair, remembering all the horrors Hugo put you through and you was able to tough it out.But you couldn't lie and say you wasn't scared, actually every time you saw him you felt uneasy.This man did everything in his power to break you and one torture would be worse then the other and even illegal, he would cut down your meals to once every week, only supplying you with water every 3 days, keeping you in your cell daily.Just when you thought that was as worse as it could get he would prove you wrong and give even more hellish treatment, by inflicting varies amount of pain on you till you either give in or pass out, he would even force you to listen to J's numerous tapes of him killing his victims and he would even have the guards beat you up and threaten to murder you in your sleep just cause you was dating the Joker, they didn't care that there cruel words scared you nor did they care about the many sleepless nights you had.

"Why are you doing this to me Hugo?! WHY!" you screamed, feeling all your anguish resurface back, making your strong will dwindle.Then you heard a speaker click on "didn't you ever think the Joker is to blame for all your misfortunes, you wouldn't be here if he hadn't did those horrible things to you, you wouldn't have lost your family if it wasn't for him, you could've been living your normal happy life but then he came in and twisted your life for his on amusement, if you wanna blame someone blame the Joker, it's all his fault, he made you live in fear, he belittle you, abused you and took everything you had, he's a monster.Who took a innocent girl and preyed on your kindness, using it to his advantage.It's all the Joker's fault, he's a monster." and just as you was about to strongly disagree, an orderly came into the room quickly putting a strange contraption over your head, locking it closed.Everything was pitch black and your breaths came out in heavy pants, Mr.J please come soon...I don't know how long I can stay strong, I'm scared.

"You're probably wondering what is on your head, but don't worry this is the latest prototype I've made specifically for you, cause you have been resisting are standard treatment and I felt like we needed to give you something unorthodox." He spoke but there seemed to be a speaker inside the device that's on your head."What are you talking about? you're not suppose to do that?!" you yelled nervously, hearing  your voice echo throughout your head because of the enclosed device."Oh but I can if it's to help my patients, now let us continue your therapy." you remained silent, worrying about what this man was planning.

"Now Y/n I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want your honest reply." you didn't respond so he took your silence as a 'yes'.

"Did the Joker ever kidnap you and your family?"

"Yes."you replied through gritted teeth "you already know that, so why are you asking me?" he ignored you and continued his questions.

"Did you resist him and was that the reason he murdered your family?"

"Y-yes."

"Did he abuse you for weeks?"

"....Yes." you didn't like his questions at all, they made you uncomfortable and brought back memories you had suppressed.

"Did he ever use electroshock therapy on you?"

"No, shut up with these stupid questions!"

"Were you happy before the Joker came into your life?"

"Your the doctor, why don't you tell me!" you said with slight agitation.

"I can tell you are displeased by my questions, so I will ask you the two most important questions and if you get it right then you will be done." you didn't replied so he continued.

"Is the Joker a monster?"

"He's not a fucking monster! he's different now!" you screamed.

"Wrong answer Y/n." your anger diminishes and it's replaced with worry "what are you-" and before you could respond electricity bolted from the side of the contraption zapping the sides of your temple, it didn't hurt as much but it did sting a lot.

"Is it the Joker's fault you're suffering?"

"N-no!" you yelled through the pain, trying to resist giving up.Then he increased the volts and you started to feel the electricity go through out your whole body, the pain was so excruciating.

"Wrong answer, is the Joker a monster?"

You let out a shaky breath "he's not, I love him." and before you could catch a break he doubles the volts for what felt like hours were only mere seconds.He slowly brought it back down to 0.

"Again, is it the Joker's fault you are suffering?"

My brain feels like it's being boiled, my body is numb and everything hurts so much.How much longer can my body go through this and my mind feels so loopy.

"Y/n, answer my question, is it the Joker's fault you are suffering?"

You snapped out of your dazed thought "no."

~

After hours of the constant torturous electroshock therapy, the doctor advanced the 'treatment' to now reciting your life as if it was a story from a grim fairy tale and he would finish it with those two same last questions and after a while you started to lose yourself to insanity.You started to think maybe the doctor was right, the joker is a scary man and he was going to hurt you just like before.Your memories were very hazy but Hugo told you everything about the Joker, that he would never changed, he will continue to murder the innocent and being with him will only increase your sickness and make you suffer.

"Is the Joker a monster?" he questioned.

"Y-yes." you stuttered as drool started to fall down your chin, you could barely hold unto your consciousness.

"Did the Joker cause all of your suffering?"

"Yes, he took me away from my normal life and made me sick." it was hard to complete a full sentence, when your brain felt scattered.

"Do you still love the Joker?"

"He's scary, he'll hurt me again."

"But do you still love him?"

"N-no."

"Good job Y/n I commend you for taking a big step in your treatment, you are done for today." as soon as he said that two guards came in and took the machine off your head and unstrapped you from the restraints, they pulled your limp body of the chair and started to drag your barely unconscious body out of the room.

"She looks fucked up." the first guard replied while looking at you, everything looked so blurry and there voices sounded so distant.

"I gotta give it to Dr.Strange he works miracles, this bitch used to be so feisty.Look at her now." the second guard chuckled.  

"I wouldn't call this a miracle." the first guard said.

"It's a miracle if it makes are jobs easier." the second guard laughed.

"You got that right Griggs!" the first guard joined the fit of laughter.

Finally they made it towards your cell and they placed you on your bed.

Griggs smirked at the first guard "she's not that bad looking now that she lost the attitude."

The first guard laughed "Kept Griggs jr in your pants, before you get fired."

"Yeah I will," Griggs replied.

The first guard patted Griggs shoulder and left the cell, as Griggs followed behind and locked you in you cell.

As soon as they left you drifted off to sleep, no longer the same old Y/n you used to be.

Author's note

Hey~ I decided to make another part to disturbed because I didn't wanna make it too long, the next ch may have the Joker's POV not sure yet, but I will be playing around with this story, I actually have three versions of this same concept. I may post those two on a later date if I remember :P I was originally gonna to do a funny story that came to mind but I cut it off short because I wanted to practice my angsty writing, I have been putting Disturbed mini series off for quiet a bit (cause once a story comes to mind I drop the original one I thought of and end up doing another).I've made a Gotham imagines that I really should update, but me being a neglectful author...I'm didn't update yet.

P.s. my bad if there is grammar mistakes I didn't really proof read, it's 2:00 am and I'm dead tired.

for more https://www.wattpad.com/story/108668229-joker-imagines-%F0%9F%92%9A

[lemonela]

This Is How It Gets Better

This is a story of how it gets better. This is about overcoming years of manipulation and emotional abuse. This is about breaking free from a persona I've created of myself. This is about being myself, embracing myself, and knowing my self-worth. This is my story of self-love.

Chapter 1: This Isn't Even Me For the most part, I didn't really like high school. The two years I regret the most are Grade 8 and 9, because there hadn't been a more significant time where I was not myself. It was a typical 'new kid trying to fit in' situation, and I surprisingly managed to feel like I did blend in with everyone else. It was also the first time I felt popular and I'm almost 100% sure that was the only motivation that kept me going with this outward masked identity for two years. I was everything I knew I wasn't. I followed trends, I managed to get a boyfriend (which literally surprised everyone including myself), I must've been outgoing (considering all the people I met), I woke up earlier than I do for most of my classes now just to straighten (though I like to use the word 'damage') my precious curly hair that I love so much... *sigh* the list goes on. Everything just felt so wrong and at some point, I just wanted to drop the role and be myself. Chapter 2: Unloved, Mistrusted, Broken The thing is that there were so many other things going on as well. This drastic change from being this quiet, shy, and innocent girl I was known to be in elementary school to who I became once I entered high school (whom I don't even know how to describe) had shook everyone, and suddenly, my world had flipped. So many questions raised from myself and others. From 'Who am I? Why am I doing this again?' to 'Where are you going anyway? What are you doing?' What hurts the most is that the biggest assumptions came from loved ones, and eventually, I started believing that I was no more than labels. Labels such as 'slut', 'no future', 'wasted life', 'stupid', 'dumb', 'disgrace of a daughter,' etc. I was not trusted, I felt extremely unloved, and after two years of emotional abuse, it broke me to the point where I became suicidal. The monster in this story was everyone against me. It took me and ate up all of the love and respect I ever had for myself. Chapter 3: Existential Crisis Along with external battles, the most significant ones happen within ourselves. Not only was I having to deal with the environment around me, I was already breaking beforehand on the inside. I never realized that I didn't like what I was doing, yet I did it anyway. It became a battle between my mind and my heart. My mind was telling me that I needed to fit it, and my heart was telling me to drop the act. Looking back, I never thought I'd get my first existential crisis (that I was aware of) at 14/15-years-old.  I was going through so much stuff all at once. First off, I kept questioning why exactly I was receiving harsh treatment from my loved ones, as well as why I wasn't being myself at school. 'Have I not always been a good person? What have I done to receive this kind of treatment? What will it take for this nightmare to end? Am I really what they think I am?' -- Lindsey, of course not. Chapter 4: Solitude & Healing At the end of Grade 9, I had an epiphany as I was watching other performers at a dance competition. I decided that I have had enough of mistreatment that I did not deserve and I was exhausted of not being my true self to those around me and myself. I threw away the idea of 'fitting in' and replaced it with a new project. Another great change within was going to happen, but this time, it was only for me.  In Grade 10, I spent a lot of time by myself, because I was figuring stuff out, as well as keeping quiet out of fear for worse situations. Physically speaking, I had stopped damaging my hair with heat and I started dressing the way I wanted to dress. Inside, I was still broken, sad, and angry, as I was recovering from trauma that had not fully stopped, but had calmed down. It's hard to recover from people who hurt you when you live with them, and even harder when there isn't accountability from the perpetrator(s). Despite the bad experiences, I lived with hope in my heart that I would one day heal and my life would get better. Chapter 5: Take Back What You Said Now that I think more about it, 16-year-old Lindsey was my 'angst-teen' era. Despite becoming very attached to the Catholic faith at the time, I was ironically judgemental towards those who did not have faith in God, or who claimed they did, but still continued doing bad things. I wanted to prove to my family that they got it all wrong, almost that I had adapted their own judgements, but it was obviously done in a very unhealthy way. Bashing others and their life choices didn't make me look or feel any better. I was being negative towards others and myself, when what I needed was optimism, hope, and love. After a year of hateful attitude towards basically my whole grade, I took a step back and decided that I should stop this unhealthy 'I'm better than you' comparison habit that I had developed in order to cope with the trauma of misconstrued labels placed upon me. The journey of self-love doesn't develop when you're comparing yourself to others. It starts when you start taking responsibility for your actions and start making better decisions on how you want to live your life. Chapter 6: Be What You Believe In After having my second existential crisis, most things went uphill from there on out. I discovered role models that I could look up to, drowned myself in positivity and self-help books, and most importantly, I started to regain love and respect for myself. The depressing feelings that I had were slowly, but surely making their way out. More than three years after the start of my trauma, 2015 was a whirlwind of obstacles (read This Is My Story for more details) and I wasn't fully stable from what I've been through from the past. Aside from it being a difficult year, it was also very empowering. My trip to France that year was a huge highlight. I fell in love with the country because of the feelings it gave me. It had given me new perspectives -- the notion that there are so many places to explore in the world, that there are so many people out there to meet, and that life can be so beautiful and worth living if you choose to make it that way. It was also the year I created Livin'Lin which was a project I've been wanting to do for years, and look where its brought me. Look where I've brought myself! Chapter 7: Hi, I'm Lindsey, aka Livin'Lin, aka That Girl In The Yellow Jacket You know how everyone has a story to tell? That one story that has shaped them into being who they are now? What you've just read is that story for me. For that reason alone, despite my past self going through the lowest of times, it's for those experiences that I overcame which remind me of how strong I really am. Most days, I am proud of who I am and I am so thankful to be here. If I hadn't decided to be myself, I wouldn't have found some of the best and closest friends I have now. If I hadn't decided to kill myself, I wouldn't be able to be my little brother's role model. If I hadn't decided to take a stand against false labels and home bullies, I would not have been the outspoken, shameless, and badass woman I am now.

If you've made it this far, thank you. This story means so much to me. MENTAL HEALTH NOTE:

If you're wondering why I've decided to share this story, it's because it empowers me to open up about experiences I could not talk about before. With such traumatic experiences, it's no doubt that the healing process will be lengthy and full of surprises. In fact, I didn't even realize I was being emotionally abused until I saw a Buzzfeed video last year on the subject that still brings me to tears whenever I watch it. I used to think about abuse as physical abuse, but later on, I found out that abuse can also destroy you mentally. I also didn't realize I was being manipulated by someone until a few weeks ago when I was having another introspective moment at night, wondering more of the why in my creation of false self-image in my early teens.  This story still causes me to break down when I talk about it (oh man, I bawled my eyes out when I was writing the first three chapters that I had to take a walk), but I've gotten a lot better at controlling myself. The summer of 2015, I went to my family doctor and told her that I may be depressed because of what I had been through. At the time, I was very scared of labels like that, fearing that despite my hard work in becoming better, I was actually a mess. I started telling her My Story and burst into tears; resulting in me not being able to finish it. My diagnosis was social anxiety, PTSD, and situational depression. For a long time, I've been quiet about what has happened to me, because it brings back (mostly) terrible memories. I endured being severely anxious to speak to loved ones, out of fear that what ever I was going to say was going to be misconstrued and turned against me. I was scared for a long time, so what ever growth I was going through, I kept to myself.  From the birth of Livin'Lin to now, I've opened up so much towards myself, my friends, my classmates, my family, and whoever reads my words online. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self that what ever she is experiencing, she will get through it, because she is so much stronger than what others think of her. She is a warrior and she can get through anything life throws at her. I want her to know that even though she didn't receive the love she needed, she found it within herself. And when she discovered that love, she would share it with the world to inspire others, bring happiness into their lives, and hope that they also discover their full potential. To my readers, to the countless strangers who have sent me long messages that weren't necessary, not a day goes by that I'm head-over-heels thankful that I made all of the decisions I've made so far in my life. I dreamed of having my voice heard for a long time and because of me creating this blog, my voice was heard, and now, I only want to create an even bigger impact. Remember that you're the one in control of your own life and you have all of this power inside of you to do some good in this world. Even if you haven't found it, believe that you will. -- You are loved, you are so important, and you are so special -- the world is just waiting for you to share your soul with them. Love, always Lindsey xoxo

[alexandrasmith28]

Submissive Beauty and The Abusive Beast

I wasn't a typical little girl, I was never into the Disney princesses. I liked the movies like Hercules and Aristocats. The one princess I truly like was Pocahontas. From an early age I had an idea that Disney’s plots and story lines for princesses were not ideal. Most Disney princesses, either were extremely young, incompetent or submissive to any man. With the story beauty and the beast, I saw an ambitious princess that was smart and strong willed. This was all shattered when the beast was brought into the story. As I look back, I realized that there are so many unhealthy relationship behaviors exhibited by not only the beast, but several characters throughout the story. 

Gaston practically demands that Belle marry him, considering himself the greatest out of everyone in town. He even tries to physically stop her from leaving her home and she smiles politely at him as she escapes. Forced to kindly turn down her unwelcome guest. Even through Gaston is portrayed as the main antagonist, he is the least of my issues with the story. When a man shows you a small amount of decency, even after kidnapping you and holding you hostage, you must return the favor with your everlasting love? 

This story is just another revised version of that old stereotypical myth about men just needing the right woman to change them. The knowledgeable Belle has no other real obligations but decided her master and captor might be key to her happiness after all. Rather than, you know, a life filled with learning and adventure far away from her “provincial, presumably close-minded” life. The reality of this story is that the lovely Belle has ultimately decided that the non-human Beast is marriage material. She has no idea that he’ll be turned into a handsome prince before she commits to sharing her love and mind. For all she knows, she’s about to enter happily ever after with a giant, hairy, murderous, abusive animal. The Beast’s sins include near-involuntary manslaughter. There is a callous indifference to his death because people don’t deserve to die just because they are jerks. Also, considering the Beast has threatened the livelihoods of people, even Belle’s elderly father. Is Gaston really that terrible for trying to kill him? Almost all of Beast’s actions in the film were done out of selfish interest. The act of heroism that seemed to make Belle go from fearing Beast, to falling in love with him, was him saving her from a pack of wolves. When the Beast was just recapturing his escaped prisoner. We all know that in order to break the spell, Beast must learn to love another and earn her love in return. But what does this lesson teach Beast, exactly? Spoiled and selfish people still love and be loved. By suggesting that “tale as old as time” refers not to a love story but to the pairing of Beauty and the Beast, the message is of a woman domesticating a man. Which is also troubling because Belle’s dreams of having “more than this provincial life” have no actual meaning. All she does is read, the primary characteristic that makes the audience believe she is more than what she is, when in reality she does not have a job or career goals. Disney’s always been pretty awful at creating female characters, giving them absolutely nothing better to do with their lives than to find love with a bland rich prince. But in this case add abusive and non human. 

What we seem to brush over in the story is Belle’s “allies”. While it feels easy to forgive Lumiere and Clocksworth actions in the context of the story. I mean they are humans stuck in inanimate objects like a candlestick and a table clock because of the Beast. These are also actions that should not be ignored. As Belle’s allies, they are her first line of defense when spotting the beasts unhealthy relationship behaviors. Relating back to real life and the message it sends to young viewers is awful. If you overlook the violence and abuse, there is a tender person at the core. As most people in abusive relationships very painfully discovered after years of enduring unhealthy behavior, underneath the hostility and anger is an abuser, not a prince. What Clocksworth and Lumiere are doing is supporting and influencing an innocent, oblivious girl into thinking that an abuser is more than an abuser. 

While I’m all for men not being assholes and becoming decent human beings, the message that it’s a woman who causes the change is definitely dangerous. Using a woman who as the tool of this message is additionally dangerous, as any woman who thinks of herself deserving of a decent man but has a tendency for dating assholes may believe they can follow Belle’s route of changing men. 

She tells Gaston off for being a dick, so why is it any different for a huge talking animal? The Beast and Gaston are exactly the same person. They are both selfish assholes who don’t care about anyone but themselves and wager a woman’s worth based on her physical attractiveness. It is the Beast’s ability to change or, rather, Belle’s ability to change the Beast that turns him into the character that we love. And that is the problem with Belle and the story itself. It teaches women that they can effectively change the man they love into the person they want him to be. And that is something that young girls and boys do not need to get the idea of.

[datingadviceonreddit]

A primary reason that modern relationships and gender dynamics are so fucked up is because pop culture constantly bombards people with an insane, bizarre, psychotic conception of “love.” Pop culture portrays love as pure emotion, and this conception has become the dominant view in the modern world, leading to almost apocalyptic levels of heartache and unhappiness.Instead of defining what the word love means, pop culture insists that love is undefinable, unexplainable, and “magical,” and furthermore, cannot be rationally understood or logically analyzed. This lack of definition allows love to constantly change form – sometimes it is “strongly liking” (“I love ice cream!”), having sex but not being too rough (“making love”), a zombie-like state you are in (“I’m in love!”), or a selfish, meaningless declaration (“But I love her!!”), etc... The only thing modern views on love have in common is that they all portray love as a wild, passionate emotion, devoid of any obligation or practicality. Nevertheless, pop culture demands that love must “conquer” everything else, including society’s rules, everybody else’s advice, one’s career, one’s interests, and even rationality itself.According to pop culture, love is something you randomly “fall” into and “fall” out of with no forewarning or rational explanation. If you “fall” in love, you should drop everything and run to the person you love, no matter what the facts are. And when you “fall” out of love, well, you are free to leave, no matter what promises you made.The pop culture conception of love is so deeply ingrained in modern people’s consciousness that people think it is totally acceptable to make a ton of commitments and promises to a person, and then leave the moment they’ve decided they’ve “fallen out of love.” Pop culture love is why women feel no shame in going on the Jerry Springer show and proudly proclaiming that their affair with a married man is beautiful because they are “in love.” Pop culture love is also why people allow themselves to endure all kinds of abuse and terrible behavior from their significant other.In this article, I explain what I think love is, and I then briefly describe the historical processes that caused modern man to arrive at this twisted conception of love.What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me)To start with, I believe that love, like everything else on this earth, can be rationally understood. The moment you accept that something is fundamentally irrational or “magic” you allow yourself to be controlled by your emotions or whatever nonsense powerful and charismatic people are selling. Love is beautiful and the fact that it can be rationally and maybe even scientifically understood does not detract from its beauty.True love is a contract between two people where the parties promise to do whatever is best for each other. You should only enter into this contract with people you like and feel attraction to, but once you are in, you must take the contract seriously.Different types of love exist: love between friends, love between a parent and child, love between a man and a woman in a sexual/romantic relationship, etc... Each different type of love imposes obligations on the parties, depending on the nature of the relationship, the individual themselves, and the circumstances of the relationship. Ideally, you determine what is “best” for your beloved by cold, rational calculation, and not your selfish desires. For example, you may want your child to go to college near you, but it may be better for your child to go to Harvard.Under my definition of love, you can love everybody commensurate with your relationship with them. Your love for your neighbor will be different than the love for your child, because your obligations to your neighbor are different than your obligations to your child. One day, ideally, all the world will come to love each other, but all we can do now is love people until they prove that they do not deserve our love.I believe that once two people commit to loving each other, an emotional bond forms that I call the “real love emotion.” The real love emotion is the feeling derived from the knowledge that there is another human being in this cold world that cares about you and will do whatever is best for you. The real love emotion is also the warm, happy feeling you get when you make that commitment to another person. We are wired to both receive love AND give it. When two people commit to doing the best for each other, they create an infinitely positive feedback loop.The real love emotion is the most primal, important, deepest, and strongest human emotion. It defines the difference between a fundamentally emotionally stable and happy person and one who is not. It should underlie all your other emotions like an operating system constantly running in the background and a person without it will feel empty and constantly need cheap pleasures: drugs, narcissism, distractions, etc... People who feel loved also like cheap thrills, but they do not have the same empty void to fill like a person who does not feel loved.Because the real love emotion is completely unrelated to the other person’s looks, personality, status, possessions, family, or any other tangible thing, it can form between any two people, no matter how different they are, so long as they commit to loving each other. Real love does not require physical presence either – you can love somebody from afar as long as you are doing what is right for them. You can get the real love emotion from your friends, family, or even spiritual practices.The constant, primal human desire to feel the real love emotion is best satisfied when we are actually loved. If you feel like your partner will leave when circumstances or feelings change, that bond will feel weaker. We can lie to ourselves that we are loved, but ultimately reality will intervene and crush our soul if it is not true. This desire is why people sometimes form an unhealthy attachment to animals and also why troubled young women, sometimes as young as teenagers, have children just to feel loved.Of course, people can feel a connection to each other through other emotions. I call these emotions the “peripheral attraction emotions.” Examples of peripheral attraction emotions are physical attractiveness, sexually desirability, fun, personality, money, status, etc… There is nothing wrong with peripheral attraction emotions, but I do not consider them part of “love.” In fact, peripheral attraction emotions and love are sometimes directly at odds – love requires you to do what is best for the other person, whereas peripheral attraction emotions are fundamentally selfish. My peripheral attraction emotions may want me to make a woman my fuck buddy but if I “love” her, I may encourage her to settle with a guy who will commit to her. Similarly, my peripheral attraction emotions may prevent me from confronting a drug addict friend because I don’t want to ruin our fun, but real love would require me to do so. The peripheral attraction emotions are temporary, which is why conflating them with love has caused so much heartache in the modern world.My conception of love radically differs from pop culture love. Under my conception, there is no “falling” in and out of love. Love is purely a contract you enter into – after you sign on the dotted line you are in “love” and obligated forever. It is weighty and difficult. Mere pronouncements, promises, and feelings are not enough – love requires daily action. And you cannot love somebody until you have your own life together. Love is not a fun distraction from self-improvement – it is an integral part of it. A drug addicted loser who constantly needs handouts and help from others cannot “love” a woman because he is incapable of doing what is best for her.In some ways, my conception of love is unattainable because you can always become a better person and do a better job of doing what is best for the other person. But that’s ok – I would rather love be an unattainable ideal we struggle to reach than a goal we feel like we’ve accomplished.My version of love does not require self-immolation. If the other person cannot or will not commit to doing what is best for you, you are free to break the contract and stop loving them. In fact, you MUST break the contract. If your beloved is a lazy drug addict, they cannot do what is best for you, so they cannot love you, so you should not love them. My version of love actually requires a form of selfishness, where you focus on optimizing yourself first before you try to help others, because you cannot help others if you are ruining yourself. You cannot give if you have nothing to give. If “loving” somebody is diminishing you as a person, you are progressively becoming more unable to do what is best for your beloved.Some philosophers define love as “doing things for other people and asking for nothing in return,” which sounds nice, but I think that type of love is unrealistic and unsustainable. Also, subsidizing and encouraging bad behavior by somebody is not doing what is “best” for them – it is creating a monster.I do not intend my conception of love to be too harsh or rigid. I understand that people have problems in their life and it is wrong to leave somebody in their time of trouble or weakness. This is especially true with children. Sometimes you must tolerate bad behavior from children because they do not know better.But to determine whether you should break a love contract, you should ask yourself certain questions. Is your beloved is acting badly because of genuine difficulties, or because they are just a shitty person who doesn’t care about you? In other words, is your beloved going to get better if you help them or continue to be shitty? Is your love actually helping them or just enabling and encouraging their bad behavior? Are you doing all this stuff because it is rationally what is best for your beloved, or because you are in the grip of irrational emotions? Is your love for this person destroying you? Remember, their blood is no redder than yours, and their life is no more important than yours.A modern person might criticize my conception of love for ignoring emotion. I respond that the real love emotion is a very strong emotion, and the real love emotion coupled with the knowledge and feeling that the other party will keep their end of the contract will motivate you to keep the contract. Second, although the peripheral attraction emotions are not “part” of love, they are necessary for a healthy relationship, especially in the romantic context. You should not enter into the love contract with somebody you are not attracted to or do not like.The interplay between peripheral attraction emotions and the real love emotionAlthough peripheral attraction emotions are not technically part of love, they are incredibly important because human beings are apes and we have certain emotional and physical wants and needs. We need sex, we need food, we need shelter, and we need affection. If we do not get those things, it will be difficult for us to commit to loving somebody.A healthy conception of love would view peripheral attraction emotions as necessary preconditions that must be fulfilled so that the real love emotion can form. Peripheral attraction emotions are like a bridge connecting two people that allows ivy to grow from one person to another, the ivy being the real love emotion. If the bridge weakens or falls the ivy also usually goes with it, unless the ivy is very strong. The ivy wants to grow no matter what, so if there is no bridge to another person, the ivy will grow on some other structure, often in a twisted or bizarre way.However, the same way a cocaine addict cannot enjoy other parts of life if they are deprived of cocaine, people can become addicted to peripheral attraction emotions and ruin their ability to feel the real love emotion. For example, if a guy feels like he must have the hottest blonde at all times, he is naturally going to hop from woman to woman and never develop the real love emotion with any of them. Similarly, if a woman becomes addicted to rich men who buy her shit all the time, she will not be able to form the real love emotion because she will get bored of guys who stop spending money. Also, men will realize she’s just a gold digger and kick her to the curb when they find a cheaper, hotter hooker.Interestingly, the media and entertainment industry encourages us to become addicted to peripheral attraction emotions by bombarding us with images of beautiful people, huge mansions, celebrities, fabulous lifestyles, crazy porn, etc.... Yet movies and TV shows simultaneously shame people who are attracted to money, appearance, or type A men as “shallow,” while praising people who are attracted to stuff like personality (whatever that means) or shared interest in movies. Both messages are wrong: there is a room for attraction to appearance, financial stability, etc…, but one must not become addicted to those things, lest you constantly chase a stronger high.The mixed messages sent by pop culture creates the worst of all worlds: people become addicted to peripheral attraction emotions, yet simultaneously feel ashamed of their addiction, so they date or marry a person whom they are attracted to for the “right” reasons, and then chase their addictions on the side. For many, a vicious cycle develops - because people are starved of the real love emotion, they chase ever more extreme versions of the peripheral attraction emotions, which cause them to have even more difficulty obtaining and keeping the real love emotion.Ultimately, true love requires controlling the peripheral attraction emotions. Your wife will not be hot forever. Your kid will not be likable all the time. But the goal is to force your rational responsibilities and your real love emotion to overcome your peripheral attraction emotions, which are lower emotions.The scienceThe following is therefore a very rough sketch of the relevant science, with the caveat that I am not a scientist.Scientists have discovered many neurochemicals that are related to attraction and bonding between two humans, including serotonin (a neurotransmitter often associated with spiritual or mystical experiences – what your brain releases when you do psychedelic mushrooms), dopamine (a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure – what your brain releases when do cocaine, have sex, eat chocolate, etc…), adrenaline (a hormone that gives you energy), oxytocin (a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm which scientists believe is associated with feelings of attachment), vasopressin (a hormone that works with your kidneys to control thirst and has also been linked to feelings of attachment), testosterone (the male sex hormone), and estrogen (the female sex hormone). Many of these chemicals are associated with human “reward pathways” that are designed to make us feel good when we do something beneficial for our survival and reproduction. Of course, other, undiscovered reward pathway chemicals may exist.These chemicals, as you may have been observed, are mostly related to the peripheral attraction emotions, at least partly because even scientists’ view of love is influenced by pop culture. Most scientists probably do not even know about the concept of the “real love emotion” and even if they have, it would be difficult to link the existence of the aforementioned neurochemicals to this particular conception of love using scientific methods.A brief history of loveI present here a brief history of love. I make crazy overgeneralizations and oversimplifications (i.e., summarizing the entire Enlightenment in a sentence) to stay brief, so a real historian/philosopher would probably rip me a new butthole.When I say “people in traditional societies thought like X” I don’t mean that every single person in those societies thought like X – I mean that X was the general prevailing thought pattern and was enforced by the powerful people in society.I note that traditional societies did not create social rules by analyzing science, but rather by aggregating the life experiences and feelings of many people, observing subtle nuances of human behavior, creating general rules with this information, and then incorporation and synchronizing these rules into the tradition. This complex process allowed traditional rules to capture complex and subtle truths that science often cannot. This complexity, however, made traditional knowledge vulnerable: most members of the society could not rationally articulate why these rules were correct, and the younger generation were expected to unquestioningly accept the tradition without adequate explanation. An inadequately articulated and defined tradition is vulnerable, which is how modern and post-modern thinkers easily destroyed tradition by simply articulating sensible-sounding counter-arguments.In my history, I do what I call “back-conceptualizing” – I describe social phenomena in bygone eras using concepts that the people in those eras may not have used or even been aware of. Historians do this all the time – the Enlightenment, Dark Ages, and Renaissance are just labels that modern people created after the fact to help understand those periods.Love in traditional societiesMost traditional societies viewed love similar to how I view love – as a contract whose terms depended on the nature of the relationship. In a parent-child relationship, for example, the child traditionally had an obligation to obey the parent, and the parent had an obligation to take care of the child. In male-female relationships, the contract was formalized by marriage (most traditional societies did not allow pre-marital sex or even dating), and each party was obliged to remain faithful to the other. Fidelity in traditional societies often had a far stricter definition than in the modern world; in some societies women were not allowed to even speak to another man without the permission of their husband. The man was usually obligated to work and provide for the family, whereas the woman was obligated to take care of the home and the children and to obey the husband.These contracts were enforced by society if a woman was unfaithful to her husband, not only could her husband divorce her or punish her, the entire society would stigmatize her, leaving her a social outcast, sometimes on the verge of death. Sometimes adulterous women were killed. These rules were supposed to apply to men, but were often enforced unequally.Biblical love is the epitome of “love as a contract.” In the Bible, God enters into a covenant with the Israelite people. The word covenant just means contract. Each party to the covenant was bound by certain obligations, including the duty to love the other. God promises to love the Israelites and the Israelites promise to love God. This is clearly not pop culture love. How can one be “obligated” to love God emotionally when one cannot see, feel, or talk to God? And when God loves humanity, he clearly does feel emotional the same way a modern person feels “in love.” God doesn’t love people because they have a pretty smile or because they like Seinfeld. In the New Testament (a better translation of the ancient Greek title is actually “New Covenant”), the Old Testament covenant is replaced with a new, expanded covenant that includes all of humanity, but the “love” aspect is similar. Interestingly, God harshly punishes those he “loves” because he does what is best for them, not necessarily what they want him to do.Emotion was generally less important in traditional societies. Most people were expected to marry somebody that was considered “good” for them according to society’s rules. The match was often made or approved by third parties, and in some arranged marriages the parties had no say it all in choosing their partner. Once married, people were expected to stay in the marriage no matter what, even if feelings or circumstances changed. It was unacceptable to leave because you had “fallen” out of love.Because emotion was less important in traditional societies, people were often prohibited from marrying people in rival castes, tribes, classes, etc... The idea of a “soulmate” that transcended cultural lines did not exist. Poets in traditional societies often churned out poems portraying a more “modern” conception of love, but the elders in those societies prevented people from putting that mindset into action.Problems with traditional loveAlthough the traditional conception of love is similar to mine, love in traditional societies had serious problems. To ensure social stability, people were often matched for stupid reasons unrelated to the parties’ happiness or well-being like family alliances, social segregation, business reasons, etc... Traditional societies aimed for stability, so almost everybody was matched with somebody, even if they were unlikable and unattractive. The peripheral attraction emotions were largely ignored and many marriages were miserable, often from the very beginning.A defender of traditional marriage may argue that by obeying society’s elders, married couples would eventually develop the “right” feelings for each other. This may be true to some extent, but the truth is that some people will never like each other, no matter how “correct” their relationship is on paper.The traditional love contract was also often unclear, oppressive to the weaker party, and unfairly enforced. What happens if one person becomes an abusive, lazy, drug-addicted, asshole? Have they violated the contract or must the other party stay? Traditional societies often did not have answers for these questions, and usually erred on the side of keeping marriages together, implicitly accepting that many people would be miserable.In traditional societies men often abused their position of power by imposing unfair and oppressive contractual terms on women. Finally, because men were in power, they would often not enforce the contracts fairly, so, for example, a woman would be punished for adultery but a man would not. “Love as a contract” only works if the terms of the contract are fair, clearly understood, and enforced fairly, which was often not the case.Similarly, there is no enforcement mechanism for marriage vows, essentially making the institution of marriage an outdated relic of the past, like an old clock that decorates a room but no longer accurately tells the time. A few friends or family may shun a cheater because they see him or her as a bad person, but a cheater otherwise will generally maintain good standing in society and be able to date, find a job, etc... There are no legal consequences to cheating, and in fact, with the rise of “no fault” divorce, a person can cheat and still be legally awarded half of their spouse’s assets.Before you accuse me of being anti-man or anti-woman, I will note that unfair enforcement of relationship contracts is the result of a power imbalance. For example, in traditional societies, parents had disproportionate power in the parent-child relationship, so those contracts were often unfair and enforced arbitrarily. Children in traditional societies were often treated like slaves, and one of the innovations of Judaism and Christianity was to prohibit child sacrifice.The evolution of loveWestern civilization has a unique intellectual history, which led to a conception of “love” radically different from that of most traditional societies. I will briefly and simplistically summarize this evolution.In the Middle Ages, when Christianity had full ideological and political control in the West, a group of philosophers known as the “scholastics” began trying to justify Christianity with logic and rationality, often using ancient Greek philosophy to help their arguments. Most modern philosophers and respected intellectuals agree that the scholastic philosophers failed at “proving” religion rationally. No matter what you think of Christianity, you must admit that certain aspects of Christianity (god, heaven, angels, etc…) cannot be rationally proven because there are no indisputable “reasons” to accept their truth (remember rationality just means “with reason”). Although some scholastic philosophy was brilliant, much of it was absurd speculation, and the purportedly “rational” arguments were anything but. The joke about “arguing about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin” began as a knock against scholastic philosophers.The scholastic philosophers created an important legacy, however: by re-introducing and emphasizing logic and rationality in European philosophy, and allowing non-Christian philosophers to join the conversation, the scholastics set the stage for the Enlightenment (around 1715 to 1789). Enlightenment philosophers criticized Christianity and tradition, much of which was based on Christianity, in favor of “reason,” turning the tools of the scholastics against them. Most Enlightenment philosophers were nominally Christian, probably because Christianity still held political control, but their work was subversive and often bucked Christianity and tradition.Much of the Enlightenment, like most Western Philosophy, was a failure from a purely philosophical standpoint. Most of the “rational” arguments philosophers have made throughout history were not actually rational but rather influenced by their feelings, political and religious allegiances, accepted thought patterns of the time, and other unstated and sometimes subconscious assumptions. The Enlightenment was no different. Philosophers of all eras have been pretentious, arrogant snobs, but the Enlightenment philosophers were especially arrogant, anbelieved that they could safely throw any tradition in the trash if they could disprove it with their “rationality.” This Enlightenment tendency still exists in the modern world, and helps explain the horrific conception of love modern people have.The Romantic movementThe Enlightenment produced a lot of great shit like science, theories of democracy, etc… But human beings are emotional animals, so any philosophy that tries to base everything on reason will lose popularity. Just as the Enlightenment was a backlash against the irrationality of Christianity, the Romantic movement (around 1780 to 1850) was a backlash against the “over-rationality” of the Enlightenment. Romanticism started as a “way of feeling” expressed in art and literature, and was only later articulated by philosophers. The Romantics emphasized emotion, imagination, spontaneity and individualism. And not just regular emotion, but deep, powerful, and crazy emotion. One could even say that Romanticism represented human’s search for transcendence in an overly mechanized and rational world.Even though most people nowadays have no idea what the word “Romanticism” even means, the Romantic mindset has penetrated the modern consciousness so deeply that people don’t even realize there are other ways to think. In the “History of Western Philosophy” Bertrand Russell argues that Romanticism is the root of many of modern society’s worst tendencies–fake concern for the poor and oppressed, irrational rejection of tradition and morality, an unrealistic, idealized conception of reality, a rejection of practical things in favor of “beautiful” things, and worst of all, worship of wild emotions. Basically, the Romantic movement represents how far-left hipsters generally think. In art, the Romantics preferred crazy scenes of tall mountains, fearful precipices, sea storms, and according to Russell, “what is useless, destructive, and violent” to mundane, practical stuff like a lush meadow or fields of corn. In literature, Romantics rejected stories that could have happened to real people and instead focused on shit like ghosts, decayed castles, and pirates because they were only interested in shit that was “grand, remote, and terrifying.”The modern conception of loveModernity has combined the Enlightenment’s rejection of tradition and Romanticism’s embrace of wild emotion to create a completely nihilistic, irrational, impulsive conception of love. Movies, television shows, pop songs, popular novels, and even high-minded intellectuals and university professors constantly hammer this view into our heads to the point where people will shame you if you do not accept that the love is nothing more than a wild, uncontrollable emotion. The dominant conception of love is also irrational, based on an idealized conception of the world, and dismissive of any practical considerations – a legacy from the Romantic movement.In love stories in movies and TV, two people that are not right for each other according to practical considerations nevertheless “fall in love.” After they are united, the movie ends. In other words, the movie ends before we can see the parties actually try to love each other.The cycle of heartbreakBecause the modern world conflates “love” with peripheral attraction emotions, and relationships create no obligations, most people at least subconsciously know that the statement “I love you” is a temporary commitment at best and a lie at worst, subject to change when the person’s feelings change or when they find somebody they like more. A collective action problem exists in the modern world – nobody enforces love contracts, so nobody fully commits to anybody else out of fear they will get screwed. This vicious cycle causes people to act more and more selfish and insular.The following story happens to many modern people, unless they live in a religious community that forbids dating:In middle or high school, which are unregulated zoos of young apes acting horribly and frequently inflicting massive and lasting psychological damage on each other, boys and girls form crushes on each other. The low status boys and girls are repeatedly rejected and often form intense feelings of inferiority and resentment against the opposite sex. Unless they fix their issues, these people often become forever alone types, raging woman haters, extreme feminists, and all manner of weirdos. This resentment can develop anytime in life, but it is particularly dangerous when it happens in children, because children do not have the cognitive tools to rationally deal with these thoughts and feelings.The “high status” or attractive boys and girls, on the other hand, get into relationships, often with no adult supervision or even adult knowledge. These relationships are often deep and passionate because teenagers have wild hormones and have never felt these emotions before. They also have not yet built defense mechanisms to getting hurt or rejected. This is why people often say your “first love” is the strongest.However, because middle schoolers and high schoolers are stupid and immature, and not bound by any obligations, one party almost always ends up cheating or breaking the other’s heart. The pain of being rejected by your first love is extremely traumatic, causing most people to consciously or subconsciously decide to not “love” again and to reject anybody who implicitly or explicitly offers love or a deep emotional connection.The real love emotion, however, is subconscious and can develop on its own, even if one does not seek a deep emotional connection. People’s fear of love creates a bizarre paradox: we erect a “love shield” to repel love, but we lower the love shield when people do not claim to love us, and because our shield is down, we subconsciously form both peripheral attraction emotions and the real love emotion for the emotionally distant person. In other words, we are attracted to emotionally distant people because they promise to not create feelings of attachment, but we form feelings of attachment to them anyway. This is partly why so many men and women are obsessed with people who do not care about them at all. Relationships are a selfish exercise for most: we choose somebody we are attracted to but who makes clear they want nothing from us, we project our own feelings of love and attraction on them, and then we run away if they ask for anything in return.Furthermore, even though we try to repress the desire to feel love, the real love emotion cannot be destroyed and will express itself in bizarre and unhealthy ways. The real love emotion is often directed by the “soulmate fantasy,” which is the pop culture myth that every person is entitled to “fall in love” with their “soulmate,” who is “perfect” for them and thrills all of their emotions. Strangely, nobody’s soulmate is ever a fat, lazy, drug addict – don’t those people need soulmates too?The “soulmate fantasy” is a selfish lie. When we feel deep attraction to somebody, the soulmate fantasy, coupled with our desire to feel the real love emotion, convinces us that our newly found “soulmate” must feel the same way about us. Remember, movies never depict a situation where a person’s soulmate doesn’t like them! Despite its absurdity, the soulmate fantasy provides an ecstatic emotional high which causes us to develop insane, bizarre fantasies about our future with somebody we barely know. The pop culture myth of “love at first sight,” provides further justification for projecting our wildest fantasies onto a stranger, even if that person has not invested in us at all.When we feel like somebody is our soulmate, we begin to develop the real love emotion, even when there is no rational reason to. This is why people become stalkers. The person being stalked has not shown adequate interest, yet the stalker has created a fantasy in his or her own head that they “belong” together. As you can imagine, most stalkers are lonely and starved of the real love emotion.The idea of a soulmate is insane nonsense, so people are constantly disappointed, causing them to become depressed and lonely, which causes them to seek their soulmate with even more vigor. Many people are deep in this vicious cycle, causing them to instantly act needy and strange in any kind of relationship or interaction with people they are attracted to.Pop culture portrays love, relationships, sex, and dating as fun, lighthearted recreation, which causes people to not take these subjects seriously or think deeply or rationally about them. This lack of seriousness is extremely dangerous, because these subjects literally touch our deepest and most primal emotions, and can cause massive psychological damage and pain if they go wrong.Go to my website: http://www.woujo.com via /r/dating_advice