#abstract art cus my brain is having a hard time drawing people

[jaime-in-chaos]

been having a brain funk recently :/

[barry-j-blupjeans]

for the fluff list, Blupjeans and 24!!!

[Image ID: Another ask, this time from @tentatively-positive-3, that says "#24 blupjeans?" END ID]

24. “I know you might not think so, but you look really good right now.”

((general/fluff prompts - accepting!!))

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Barry had his backpack over one shoulder as he pushed open the door to his and Lup's quarters. The lights were dim and the blinds were shut and there was Lup, piled under a few blankets and drawing something in a journal Lucretia had given her last year. Barry's mood- it doesn't dampen, but he softens, seeing Lup like this. He shut the door gently and placed his bag next to it, before going to sit next to her.

The journal is more of a sketchbook if they were being honest. He and Lup both had dozens of journals filled with scientific findings, or just thoughts and feelings. This one doesn't have any lines on the page, and Lup was going at it with her pencil. A lot of it Barry couldn't decipher, which was concerning, but Lup was decent at drawing on a good day.

"You okay, babe?" he asked, leaning over just a bit more to get a better look at the drawings. It looked like her, over and over and over again, different each time. "What'cha drawing?"

Lup didn't say anything for a bit, her pencil paused. She rolls over onto her back and looks up at him.

"The people on this plane are dickwads," she said and Barry nodded sympathetically.

In terms of local friendliness, they were okay, but only if you looked how they wanted you to look. Unluckily for the crew, none of them matched the standards of beauty met here. The inhabitants of this world looked like gods on earth, having almost an ethereal beauty to them.

Their rejection didn't hit too hard for Barry, who already knew he was kind of plain-looking and had grown used to it. Davenport and Merle couldn't really care less, though Davenport was peeved by the fact they were not allowed into the cities. Lucretia seemed to be taking it okay, and Magnus had been offended for a bit, but Barry honestly couldn't tell if he was pretending or not.

Taako was... fine, after a few days. Insulted, of course, because if there was one thing Taako prided himself on, it was how he looked. They expected Lup to bounce back just the same, but...

It wasn't just a beauty thing, for Lup.

"I know you might not think so," Barry said gently, "but you look really good right now.”

Lup cracked a smile, but it faded after a few seconds.

"You know that's not the problem, babe," she said.

"I know," Barry said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I dunno," Lup said, looking at the journal. "I... feel like I'm being stupid. It's not like- they're not saying I'm not a woman, they're saying we're not people, because we look so bad. But my brain is like "oh, they don't perceive you how you want to be perceived? Dysphoiraaaaa tiiiime." It fucking sucks, Bar, I hate it."

"It sounds sucky," Barry said genuinely. "I'm here for- for whatever I can do to help, Lup, I promise. Is drawing helpful?"

"The other option is finding something to blow up, so yeah, I guess," she said, turning back on her side towards the journal. "Usually when I draw myself I'm like- normal, right?" She flips back a few pages and points at a self-portrait. It was a little abstract, but beautiful nonetheless. "Good, right?"

"Yeah," Barry said.

She turned back to the page she was on and pointed at one of the various Lup's she had done. This one was messy, scribbled, and smudged. It only had one arm, and half a face, and looked, frankly, exhausted.

"That's how I feel, I guess," she said, pushing it towards him. "Metaphorically, 'cus I got my arms and my face, but it doesn't- I don't feel whole. I feel- not great. Uncomfortable, maybe. I mean there's a reason it's called dysphoria, so."

"Yeah," Barry said again, thumbing at the page. There was another sketchy Lup in the corner, rolled into a tight ball, just kinda laying there. And another about midpage, looking like she was falling through the air and desperately trying to catch herself on something. And another, hunched over, and another, pulling at her face, looking uncomfortable.

And another, and another, and another. There was barely any un-doodled on space.

"We could probably find something to blow up," Barry said after a moment of silence. "This distraction obviously isn't working, though I do like the art. It's very... it gets across your point very well. But, uh, we could definitely find something for you to blow up if you want. And then we can come back and cuddle, if you also want that."

Lup made a noise of consideration and then nodded.

"Alright," she said, sitting up a bit. "I can get down with that plan."

[pristinepastel]

5 Things About Me Meme!

Tagged by @awakaru ! This time i’ll tag the last few people in my activity- @robtari , @tavros-tardis , and @boundtoanandroid ! 5 Things You’ll Find In My Bag: -My sketchbooks(two of them. same kind but one is vertical and the other is horizontal) -My art supply box, which is pink and glittery and used to be a makeup box that i got for christmas one year -This probly counts as two things, but my plusle and minun plushies! i also have a plusle keychain. -I have a calligraphy pen w/ multiple nibs that I haven’t used very much yet. I’ll hopefully start using it and improving when i start college this fall! -And finally, my tablet with bluetooth keyboard. No mouse or pen for it but that’s fine for now. One day though… 5 Things You’ll Find in My Bedroom: Too many things;; -I have a book bag that I only use when I travel. When I’m at home though, it holds most of my plushies! Including a pachirisu that lost an ear. Which I. Kiiind of fixed? I tore off a scrap piece of a purple scarf and sewed it over the hole with yarn. Maybe I’ll take a pic later, lollo -I keep a cat cube on my bed near my feet. It’s purple and pink, with a leopard print. The outside is a kind of messy texture, while the inside has a soft carpet on the bottom. The cats don’t normally use it but when they do i try to take pictures! -My favorite blanket! I use it to stim. When I was at high school I’d usually take it with me in my bag, as well as my scarves. It was helpful for taking naps during commons, especially after a bad insomnia bout. Also helpful during my depressive episodes- even if I’d still end up going home early sometimes. -I have various posters put up in my room- including some prints from juicyink on youtube, a kingdom hearts 2 poster i got from when borders was still around, a print of Vincent Valentine that I got in the Artist Alley at colossalcon last year, a print i got from a caricature artist i got on my birthday as well as the caricature he made of me, and some old fashioned prints made on corkbord which kind of remind me of lowbrow fantasy art. I don’t know how old they are, I think my mom got them for me at a flea market? -I also have some old drawings of mine on my walls. I used to have a lot more of my older older pics, but i took them down because I wanted to start fresh. These were from my senior year i think? So far it’s just drawings of Osiria and Dahteste so far lollo -I lastly have my desktop computer! It’s a p big screen. My dad got me a new screen, keyboard, and pc box for my birthday, after I told him I wanted mass effect andromeda once it came out. For the specs he said. He’s very enthusiastic about that sort of thing;; 5 Things I’ve always wanted to do in life: -Become a concept artist/character designer -Write a story/Draw a comic about my characters(sadly my imagination is more abstract and my minds not v suited for concrete scripting lollo) -Somehow meet and help my characters in real life. I know that’s impossible, shoosh -Become a side character in someone else’s story/video game. Not physically of course- I mean I want to play as the sort of character that supports the protagonist and helps them get a good ending. -Become a voice actor! I really enjoy the thought of my voice bringing a character to life. I’ve tried auditioning before, but I’m not very confident in online auditions like that cus my mics not the best;; 5 Things That make me Happy: -Philadelphia roll with smoked salmon, avocado, and cream cheese! My fav sushi yums;; -My cat Molly! her purrs sound like a pigeon or a dove coping and she’s so soft -Comforting and emotional characters!! Like Cole, Sandal, and Dog from Dragon Age, Jaal from me:a, Legion from Mass Effect, Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, Lee from Naruto, Dogmeat from Fallout, etc. -My Mom gives really good hugs and she’s really good at emotional support! She understands what I go through cus she has depression and anxiety too. We even take some of the same prescription! I like her more than Dad cus he gets angry sometimes and I can’t really predict when that happens. He’s not hurting me or anything, he just gets loud and that makes me a lil nervous is all! -Conventions! I’m not really equipped for big social events usually, but these are usually the exception. You don’t really talk to people one on one, and you don’t have to be afraid of being the center of attention. Even buying stuff is easier cus no ones judging you for how much you’re buying or how long you’re at one booth! 5 Things I’m Currently Into: -My mutuals/followers may or may not have noticed the posts about witchcraft ehe;; It started with me researching stuff that one of my brain friends, Elisa, is into. She started out with just general tarot reading, which then developed into her actually being a witch, which led to me discovering i really enjoyed the subject lollo -Dungeons and Dragons podcasts like The Adventure Zone and Godsfall. that is too many capital letters;;; -Modern Girl In Thedas fanfics. I especially enjoy the ones where the protag discovers no one in thedas speaks english. Sometimes people write it so english is qunlaat, but my fav is that the protag has to work at learning common on their own. -I’ve gotten into playing more mobile games again, now that i have a phone that can support them;; I now have Love Live SIF, Fallen London, and the new ver of Kingdom Hearts X(fyi the x is pronounced cross in english- in japan its pronounce chi!) -I’ve been watching doodle videos lately. They’re vids where the artist just doodles random lines and patterns and shapes to fill an entire page. Sometimes there are mandalas too! Sometimes the artist talks quietly and motivationally during it like Bob Ross. if you’re curious one of the artists i’ve been watching recently is called Peter Draws on youtube! 5 Things on My To-Do List: -Finish prepping all the paperwork for starting college. I’ve been accepted, but there’s still financial paperwork to fill out lollo -Make a grimoire/book of shadows/book of mirrors. Atm, all my witchy notes are in my phone. I plan to make a cutesy decoden grimoire once i’m actually in school! -Start doing physical stuff like yoga and walking. School has a public yoga class available, and the campus has a lot of places where i can take breaks if i start feeling light headed due to the scoliosis. I’ve downloaded pokémon go preemptively to help w that -Prepare for june’s various activities! This year i’m not just going to colossalcon- I’m also going to volunteer at a convention in DC! ooo I’m so excited and i wanna pack immediately even tho i know it’s not for a month yet lollo;; my mom is also in this mood - Mmmaybe get a spirit companion? Dunno for sure yet. Not sure if my social anxiety also applies to the ethereal. A bit nervous about the constant-ness of the interaction. Need to research the subject a bit more lollo 5 Things People May Not Know About Me: -I’m really disorganized. So much so that i can’t close my closet door due to the clutter in front of it;;; -Physically speaking, I am only 5'6", I have a lazy eye, and mild scoliosis. My right canine tooth is broken as well.Im kind of self conscious about my teeth so my smiles are usually closed mouth. I also have problems with hygiene, for various reasons- for general cleanliness i just forget to shower sometimes/don’t have the motivation for it. As for the teeth, my sensory issues make it so i very much hate toothpaste. That’s why my teeth are so bad;; speaking of- -I have various mental issues. I have depression and anxiety, which has been clinically diagnosed. My psychiatrist also suspects i have mild autism or aspergers, but the test people never got back to us so heck if we know for sure. My mom, a couple of my friends, as well as me all agree i seem to have it. I also believe i have maladaptive daydreaming. This is a condition that makes it so I have very detailed imaginary worlds in my head- so detailed in fact that I get very attached to the characters in them, who I call brain friends. The daydreams get so detailed and involved that it’s sometimes hard for me to focus on stuff like reading or sleeping. Which exacerbates the insomnia i already have lollo. It’s easier for me to read fanfics than published stuff as a result, cus fanfics are basically written dreams in that sense? i’m also p bad at explaining myself with words lo l l,o;; -Despite most of my posts being happy ones, i tend to have p bad depressive episodes. I try not to vent on here though cus i’m self conscious about how others interpret that. It makes me feel manipulative. I also have trouble with asking my parents for stuff for the same reason;; -I started the positivity tag on election night. I was really shaky and anxious, but all of that was trapped inside and i couldn’t cry, so i just felt stuck there(i now suspect i was disasociating at the time?). I started reblogging all these happy posts to cheer myself up, and thanking all the people who were putting them on my dash. That’s why my positivity tag is ‘thank you’! :^)