#about life as Ace does”. And then??? Karma in his last words is himself so generous in his words to Dostoyevsky. It's baffling.

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 4 :)

[juyeoniemyhoney]

make you feel my love

Losing means nothing to Ishikawa when he has you.

pairing: ishikawa yuki x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

warnings: i don’t think there’s any!

word count: 2074 words

A/N: i honestly dont know who wants to read this but im just gonna post it anyways HAHA so here all you ishikawa simps pls enjoy<3

--------

It all happens at once.

The noise— screams of all pitches and encouragements of all sorts, forming a raucous cacophony in the large gymnasium— halts almost immediately; like a vacuum has sucked it all up and the only thing that is left is an eerie stillness as everyone waits in antsy anticipation for the player to serve.

And then he is running up, throwing the ball great lengths into the air and jumping to meet it halfway, hitting the ball with such force and determination you can almost feel the impact yourself. The ball hurtles through the air and crosses the net with such speed you almost don't see it.

But the Japanese team does. Their libero, Yamamoto, crosses the court in a flash and bumps the ball up so high up it gives his teammates half a second to breathe before they are rushing to connect it, the setter, Sekita, tossing the ball higher in the air for Ishikawa to hit it.

The tall Brazilians loom over him like a curse, like bad karma, as determined as the Japanese are, but not nearly as desperate. Ishikawa does not mind them and he bravely hits the ball with as much strength as his worn out body allows him, sending every last bit of energy into this spike, hoping, praying, practically begging for it to work, for the ball to hit the other side of the court with such violence that the Brazilians would not be able to even react before it hits the floor.

The next thing you know, the ball hits the hands of the Brazilians and is spindling down towards the floor at breakneck speed. Yamamoto, Sekita and Ishikawa (when he lands), all throw themselves to the floor in a desperate bid to save it, to not let it touch the floor, to not let all their hard work be washed down into a drain. But to no avail.

The ball hits the floor with a resounding thud. The whistle blows and all at once, the Brazilian supporters leap from their seats and yell and scream and shout with unadulterated joy. Because they have won! They have won the game! And the Japanese have lost. The Japanese team and their supporters are quiet in the wake of their loss. You do not move, almost as if if you did, the bleachers would crack open, the earth beneath the gymnasium would cave in and you would be falling to the floor, through the soil and to the core of the earth.

The three men lift themselves up from the floor with the weight of defeat on their shoulders and their teammates pat their backs silently, looking solemn but trying to be as encouraging as possible. The team gathers at the end line of the court and another whistle blows, signalling both teams to bow. When Ishikawa's eyes hit the floor, so do the tears.

He cries in silent agony, somehow feeling like it is all his fault. He is the captain, he should have led them better than this. He is the ace, he should have been able to hit pass those blocks. He knew hitting hard was risky, he should have been more careful. He should have moved faster, reacted faster, gotten to the ball faster. He should have been sharper, more alert, better. He should have been better.

His teammates shed a few tears too, but not quite nearly as much as Ishikawa. It's unrelenting— his tears. It doesn't want to stop, even when Ishikawa roughly wipes at his eyes in frustration, desperately wanting the raw showing of emotion to stop. Everyone can see him cry in this moment and he hates it.

When Ishikawa and his team begin to move off the court, is when you break from your stunned daze. Quite frankly, you were shocked speechless. You knew Brazil was a tough opponent but your faith in your boys would always trump any form of doubt. You knew they could do it. You knew they would be able to do it. Until they didn't.

You do not see the tears from quite so far away, but when you do, you are ripping yourself from your seat with such great speed, the people around you jump in surprise. You do not care, you do not even really notice before you are sprinting down the stairs, leaping from each flight, ignoring the desperate calls of your best friend and the shocked expressions directed at you as you race to the exit of the court.

"Ishikawa Yuki!" you yell just in case you don't catch them in time. You know you could just call him or meet him at his house but you came as a surprise, and though you'd wish you could surprise him after his victory, you think that surprising him and being able to comfort him in his loss will mean just as much.

At the sound of your voice, his head whips around, eyes wide in shock as he desperately searches the people for your face, eyes glassy with unshed tears and vision slightly blurry. You jump off the rest of the stairs, running to him with flailing arms. And when Ishikawa sees you, you swear you see his lips pout, eyes glossing over as tears run down his face.

You grin and run to him and he drops everything, his water bottle, his towel, his jacket, everything, so that he can hold his arms open for you to run into and give him a big hug. And you do exactly that. You run straight into his arms, wrapping your arms around his torso and shoving your face into his chest, not caring at all that he is drenched in sweat (and possibly tears), not caring at all that almost the whole gymnasium full of people can see the two of you have such an intimate moment, not caring at all because Ishikawa Yuki, the love of your life, is in tears and you have to do everything in your power to stop that.

Ishikawa's arms wrap around you too, holding you so tight and dear to him, you swear the both of you stop breathing. And with you in his arms, he finally crumbles to the floor, tears spilling from his eyes and sobs escaping his throat in ugly, high-pitched hiccups. But he doesn't care, you don't care, he's safe as long as you're here.

"When did you get here? I thought you were only going to touchdown tomorrow," he whispers in between sobs, his shaking, swollen hand coming up to your hair and entangling his fingers with the strands messily. You pull away slightly and pull Ishikawa down so that your chin rests on his shoulder and he can bury his face into your neck, your hand coming up to his sweaty hair to run your fingers through the corse, tangled strands as Ishikawa continues to cry in your arms. This position is so incredibly uncomfortable. After all, Ishikawa is insanely tall and the top of your head doesn't even really reach his neck, and you're sure Ishikawa's back is going to hurt a little later but he doesn't seem to mind at all at the position change, indulging in you as he shoves his face into the crook of your neck, hot breaths that tickle your skin, coming out in pants as he struggles to control his sobs.

"I wanted to surprise you," you say with a fond smile, the hand that was idle on his back coming up to send a wave to his teammates when your eyes meet, even sending one to his coach, who just smiles bitterly at you. His teammates send you rueful smiles and thumbs-ups of approval before they make their way back to the locker rooms, leaving you and Ishikawa to continue embracing at the exit of the court.

Ishikawa lets out a tearful laugh, saying, "Well, I'm surprised alright. I was just thinking about you when you called my name. I almost thought I was seeing things.".

You laugh but do not reply, allowing a comfortable silence to take over as Ishikawa lets all his emotions out in the form of hot, regretful tears. Your hand continues to soothe him with pats and strokes to his back and your hand remains in his hair. Ishikawa's large hands fist your shirt at your waist as his tears and sweat seep into your shirt. You don't mind. Of course, if this were anyone else you would. But this is Ishikawa Yuki, and you love him more than anything else in this world.

"You played so well," you whisper after a while of silence. You can feel Ishikawa wanting to pull away from you but you do not allow him, knowing full well that he wants to pull away to argue with you, to debunk your words with his incessant humility, so you do not allow him. You do not allow him to deny himself the praise he very much deserves because he's worked hard for this, no matter the outcome, he and his teammates have worked his ass off for this, and the least you can do is praise him.

"Yuki, you played very well. Don't try and deny it," you say with a firm voice, hand on his head keeping his chin to your shoulder. At this, he finally laughs and you loosen your grip, allowing him to pull out of your embrace just enough for him to see your face.

His cheeks are tear-stained and his eyes are beginning to puff up with all his crying, red beginning to bloom at the corner of his eyes, slowly taking over the white. His smile is nothing short of breathtaking, swollen eyes and red lips curled up brilliantly, smile lines and the corners of his eyes creasing sweetly. You can't help but grin back when you see his smile, nose souring with endearment.

"You know me so well," he comments, fingers coming up to tuck strands of your hair behind your ear, fingers trailing down your jaw to your chin, tilting your face up just a little bit more. His fingers guide your head just slightly forward before he is meeting you halfway in a sweet kiss, grinning immediately after your lips meet his.

Ishikawa's eyes trace over your every feature, observing, remembering, ingraining; tracing over the curve of your eyes, the slope of your nose, the perk of your lips, the peak of your eyebrows, and the line of your jaw, fingers ghosting over each feature along with his eyes, all the while maintaining the smile on his lips.

Then, he is giving your forehead a sweet kiss before pulling out of your embrace fully, turning around to pick up the things he had dropped when you came running into his arms. He brushes off his jacket and drapes it across your shoulders, holding open the jacket for you to slip your arms into the sleeves, to which you do, before he is hooking the zip and zipping it all the way up to your chin.

In his mind, he laughs at the way you are dwarfed by his jacket. Your hands can barely be seen, only the tips of your fingers peeking out from the sleeves, and the jacket, where it usually ends at his hip, ends almost at your knees. Unconsciously, he smiles and has to physically restrain himself from pinching your cheeks.

After he zips up his jacket, he bends down to pick up his towel, draping it over his shoulder before he is bending down once again to pick up his water bottle, having set them down to help you put on his jacket. Then, without a word but with the largest, goofiest grin, he takes your hand in his and leads you out of the court and to the locker rooms in a comfortable silence, fingers intertwined with yours.

For a second there, he almost forgets that they lost the game and are not able to proceed to the quarter-finals. For a second there, he almost completely forgets about his regrets and anger and frustration. And it's all because of you. And of course, he is eternally grateful to you. After all, what on earth would he do without you? He would still be crying his ass off, that's what, though he would never admit it out loud. And it is because of this reason— though he would do it without a reason at all— that he kisses you a little longer, hugs you a little tighter, loves you a little more.

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

AceAro Miles Edgeworth’s Platonic Crush on Phoenix Wright Headcanons

Platonic crush: the desire to be platonically intimate with someone without romantic or sexual attraction. Intensity like any kind of crushes can vary. 

In Childhood:

When they were children, Miles would often talk more about Phoenix than Larry, to the point that Ray Shields began teasing him about having a crush on Phoenix. And Miles would be like, “No?” because last time he checked he wasn’t experiencing that “heart stuff” that he sees in zany cartoons.

When they have to sit and rest somewhere, Miles would read a book with at least his knee touching Phoenix. Or if there was enough space, his back touching Phoenix’s side. No, Larry, it’s not a snuggle, now hush. (Similar to how a cat would lounge at their favorite owner’s side while casually not looking at them).

As much as he enjoyed them as the Signal Samurai trio, his favorite moments were just talking with Phoenix about anything under the sun -in the early hour before class or when they have dropped Larry home and it was just him and Phoenix. 

He often looked forward to the quiet instances that Phoenix would hold his hand while they’re walking home alone since Phoenix is more at ease with affection than he was.

Some teenagers hollered at them for it and Phoenix let go, embarrassed, while Miles was wondering why he was embarrassed when they both know it was because they were good friends. So he just stubbornly grabbed his hand again and dragged him away from those immature buffoons.

Miles was neutral when it comes to Valentines Day. But when Phoenix received a box of chocolates from a girl he likes, Miles became more aloof and disinterested. He wondered why there was no celebration for friendship. Idle time was spent on thinking what gift he would give Phoenix if there was a proper day for celebrating best friends. (Larry is also his best friend but he doesn’t have the word that distinguishes his friendship with Larry and friendship with Phoenix.)

Miles was disappointed that he was unable to find the specific term between best friend and deeper best friend. Even his father doesn’t know. Gregory Edgeworth assured him he would find it someday.

Being someone who thinks ahead, Miles knew that someday Phoenix might not prioritize and value their friendship as much as he does once Phoenix would get a girlfriend. Miles tried very hard not to think of the time they would be in middle school.

After Gregory’s death, Miles never received Phoenix’s letters as von Karma wants to isolate him from his original home. Even when Miles appreciate the song request from Phoenix dedicated to him, von Karma made it clear that sentimental relations will distract him from perfection. Plus, Miles thought it was a one time and that Phoenix probably had a girlfriend to dedicate himself to by now.

In Adulthood (Platonic Crush to Queerplatonic Attraction to QP Love):

Early Career. When Miles received college Phoenix’s letters, his first reaction was confusion. Out-of-the-blue this ghost from the past was asking him why he was being called Demon Prosecutor. Second reaction was stonewalling. There was no point delving about how a person used to make him feel. 

State vs Fey. After the trial, Miles told himself he developed an intellectual hyperfixation towards Phoenix Wright as he arranged his brand new custom chess set with the “spike-y” pawns. He was half-right. If only he wasn’t so entangled with von Karma’s opinions on “sentimental relations”.

State vs Powers. Miles’ platonic crush resurfaced somewhere after Will Powers’ case and Phoenix asking to defend him.

State vs Edgeworth. He faintly realized at the moment Phoenix had smiled at him in relief once Miles got acquitted, that Phoenix was someone he wanted in his life. If only Miles deserved so. 

Miles would never admit he finds a unique sense of enjoyment in working with cases where Phoenix had to defend. He doubted if a lot of people experience intimacy in rivalry.

State vs Skye. Unfortunately, Miles have bigger things to deal with like coming into terms with a mentor that had both raised and twisted him, struggling to find a new norm as eyes watched him, his very story available to the public, then having to face the Skye case that made him question everything he was as a prosecutor. 

It all became too much and he wasn’t thinking straight and one of those thoughts was that Phoenix was better off knowing a better person than him. 

State vs Engarde. The belief was instilled when Phoenix got mad at him for faking his own death.

After having a talk and Miles realizing that cutting people off abruptly was more of a dick move than he thought, he and Phoenix kept in touch after.

In the space he had given himself in Europe, Miles decided that aside from becoming a better lawyer, he wanted to be the friend Phoenix deserved to have in his life, with the same intimacy they had in childhood that he still couldn’t name. 

State vs Iris. Miles was pretty much neutral around Iris. If Phoenix would decide to rekindle his relationship with her (though the deception made him wrinkle his nose no matter how true Iris’ feelings were at that time), he wouldn’t care as long as he and Phoenix would still be in good terms as partners. Even if Phoenix would not put as much special connotations as he would in their partnership. That was all he could ask for after everything. 

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth. Whenever Kay would tease him about “that man”, Miles would just look at her dryly. At this point, he should know not a lot of people would understand.

7-year Disbarment. Phoenix’s disbarment drew them closer together after Miles’ was finally able to contact him when Phoenix shut everyone out. Miles couldn’t do much being in Europe but he does what he could from flying them to Europe so that Phoenix could help him with his cases to caring for Trucy.

Their commitment for each other only grew from raising Trucy together to righting Japanifornia’s legal system. 

Miles wished he could kiss Phoenix on the forehead without making it weird. It just felt like Phoenix needed it. Comforting Phoenix with hugs and handholding, at least, was never questioned for romantic interest.

When Phoenix began to study for the bar again, Miles often enjoy Phoenix falling asleep on his shoulder. Unseen, Miles would smile before poking him awake.

He enjoys movie nights with the Wright family where Trucy and Phoenix would snuggle close and dinner/banter with Phoenix every week. 

Fantasies of sleep-snuggling with the man he admires and trusts the most and has an intense emotional-intellectual connection? Of course, he does. “So near and yet so far” has never been so painful in that one time they have to share a bed.

After Phoenix got his badge back, Miles was pretty much satisfied. His life was more stable, inner and outer, than it had ever been. Phoenix and Trucy’s life were also stable. Miles now felt more confident and comfortable in their bond and Miles would do what it takes to keep it as a part of his life.

He may have felt a little thrill when they both become comfortable enough for Phoenix to be casually affectionate with his touch -an arm around his shoulder as they laugh about something, a hand on his arm when asking about a case- it felt like back in their more carefree childhood. 

State vs Wyatt. Miles was pretty much ruffled with questions about marriage directed at him of all people. But if he has to marry someone, it might as well be someone he knew so well and trusts so much. Miles may have opted out some of his opinions in marriage but he was no longer the person who would lie to himself of who that someone would be.  

He wanted... something. He wanted a sort of exclusivity with Phoenix. The idea of Phoenix dating other people made Miles realized he wasn’t the type to share. The revelation itself was frustrating when he was neutral or repulsed of varying degrees when it comes to different romantic and sexual acts.

With a combination of finally having the words to describe what he wanted in Google Search and help with his therapist, the name of what he wanted with Phoenix was a queerplatonic relationship with a compromise on whatever would be Phoenix’s romantic/sexual needs from him. If Phoenix would have him as so. And if Phoenix wouldn’t... well, their friendship had been through a lot of things, this one event wouldn’t change it much. 

(This is from my own experiences and wants as someone in the acearo spectrum. I’m not the universal experience for acearo and it can be different for everyone else.)

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 9

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

How the turnabouts have turned! It's time for Twisted Karma and His Last Bow!

Episode 2-4: Twisted Karma and His Last Bow

With Van Zieks's tragic backstory (…) exposed, it's time to head on into waters we've charted before, waaay back in the very first Ace Attorney game: The Prosecutor becomes the Defendant. It all starts off with some shenanigans which appear to have very little to do with Van Zieks (the arrival of Mikotoba and Jigoku, the Red-headed League, a missing prison warder, etc.).. Ryu does still run into Van Zieks very briefly in Stronghart's office, with Susato noting that there appears to be an awful lot of tension in the air. I expect Van Zieks is questioning that decision to leave Genshin Asogi's son in his care, but even so, he's very civil towards Stronghart. Susato also notes that Van Zieks gives Ryu a cold stare as he leaves, with Ryu wondering what he's done to earn that. This may also be a result of him being besties with Kazuma, since Van Zieks had already buried the hatchet towards Ryu for the most part. When Ryu asks about the decision to leave Kazuma in Van Zieks's care, Stronghart explains it was to best keep an eye on this 'mysterious amnesiac with no identifying papers'. Well OK then. Stronghart also explains he made Kazuma wear a mask because he didn't want to “burden Van Zieks with tiresome explanations about why he had an Eastern appearance.” … I would assume the very simple explanation is that it's because he's of Eastern descent, Stronghart. Regardless, the Lord Chief Justice has high hopes for Kazuma's future and isn't at all bothered by the fact that the guy has gone missing for a little bit.

Things take a turn later when Gina Lestrade comes barging into 221B with some pretty shocking news. Inspector Gregson was murdered. Yes, THAT Inspector Gregson. The suspect has already been arrested:

It's true that to the average civilian like Gina, Van Zieks's name is pretty much synonymous to the Reaper (of the Old Bailey). Even so, to have her outright calling him by that title adds a sort of emotional distance that's really striking. Gina explains they caught him at the scene and there were several witnesses, but Ryu thinks to himself that there's no way Van Zieks would have taken Gregson's life. So naturally, we owe it to our good pal Gregson (who actually was just coming around and being nicer to Ryu) to find the truth. Time to go have a talk with Van Zieks in prison!

… Okay that's funny. Don't worry, Barok, one day we'll all look back on this and laugh. Anyway, Van Zieks says he's in the last place on earth he'd want to be, with the last person on earth he'd want to see. And this line can easily be misinterpreted as Van Zieks saying he hates Ryu more than anyone else in the world, but what he's actually saying is that Ryu is the last person he wishes would see him in this troublesome situation. Ryu says he couldn't very well not come, but Van Zieks tells him to go home since it has nothing to do with him. Susato interjects, pointing out that Gregson has helped them out on numerous occasions and so, they're indebted to him. She pleads for Van Zieks's help with the investigation and he's silent for a moment, only to say: “There's really nothing I can tell you.” Which I suppose means he doesn't think he has anything helpful to say. Ryu asks about what Van Zieks was reading when they came in and assumes it to be a case report. Van Zieks says the Yard wouldn't share case details with a suspect (keep that one in mind) and explains it's a letter from Albert. Dear Professor Harebrayne has arrived in Germany safely! Ryu notes that Van Zieks usually never minces his words, but they seem to have less bite than usual now. No wonder, really, since he's in prison for the murder of an old friend. Van Zieks asks how much they already know about the case, so the two of them go through the facts and Van Zieks says they're well-informed. He's got nothing to add, because... Well.

Oh, this is going to be another one of those cases, huh. Susato asks what Van Zieks was doing at the crime scene in the first place, but Van Zieks points out he doesn't need to answer that, as they aren't representing him. When asked who is representing him in court, he says it'd be anyone other than Ryu. That said, he doesn't actually have any representation because of his reputation as the Reaper. Sixteen people he's prosecuted have mysteriously died and now that he's actually been apprehended for a murder, that whole Reaper ordeal is sure to be thoroughly examined.

BOY, have we got news for you! When it's pointed out that Van Zieks didn't actually have anything to do with those mysterious deaths (right???), he replies that no one wants to know the true identity of that killer more than he does, but it seems things may come to a head before he can uncover the truth. Van Zieks basically tells Ryu to leave, but being the kind-hearted gentleman that he is, Ryu offers to advocate for him in court. Van Zieks asks whether Ryu trusts him, which is a pretty fair question to ask. He's built up so many racist scumbag points and has such a bad reputation in town, it would be weird for Ryu to trust him unconditionally. Luckily, Ryu has been paying attention just as much as I have; he's heard Van Zieks speak in court and seen the way he treats people (uhh, English citizens, anyway), so he doesn't believe this 'Reaper' has it in him to take a life. Unfortunately, Ryu also has to acknowledge that feelings can't be used as evidence in court. Van Zieks considers the offer gracious, but...

“Not the police, not the judiciary... And not you Nipponese.”

One more scumbag point for putting “you Nipponese” in its own category for no reason. Either way, this man has built up such high defensive walls, you could see them from three galaxies away. Trusting no one is a pretty drastic way of living. Ryu thinks to himself that there's a chasm between the two of them that's 'just too wide and too deep'.

As a sidenote, presenting the attorney armband doesn't lead to any interesting conversation this time, but we can also present the Red-headed League advertisement! Van Zieks surmises that if it were a Black-headed League, Ryu would join without delay, which Ryu then confirms. Van Zieks says that sadly, his hair is neither black nor red. He goes into a most curious identity crisis of sorts, where he looks quite anguished as he wonders which coloured league he should join instead. There have been several debates over his hair color, actually, from lavender to purple to grey. Regardless, Susato points out that “people are troubled by the most unexpected problems at times.” It is unexpected, since Van Zieks needs neither the money nor the company that he would get from joining any such league. It's just the principle of the matter, I suppose.

Over by the crime scene in Fresno Street, Gina gets a little razzled when she suspects Ryu is thinking of defending “that Reaper bloke”. Susato points out that if “Lord van Zieks” really is responsible for the crime, he'll be judged fairly in court. This gets Gina to calm down again, because she really wants to know the truth of what happened and much like Van Zieks, she must know that getting the truth is what Ryu does best. A bit of conversation later, Gina points out one more interesting thing; Gregson apparently held a lot of respect for 'the Reaper'. “I take my hat off to that fella,” were his exact words, apparently. Ryu is skeptical, as am I, because I've seen the way Gregson talks about Van Zieks behind his back.

Gina explains that's exactly why he respected Van Zieks. That's... a little weird and ambiguous. So either he respected Van Zieks's ability to stand tall despite all the public scorn, or he respected the fear he struck into people's hearts. There's one more option; Gina keeps talking about the Reaper instead of Van Zieks, so it's possible that Gregson was talking about the actual Reaper. This seems unlikely, though, since he didn't seem to enjoy being part of the Reaper organization.

And now that we know Van Zieks is the defendant, one might be wondering: Who is the prosecutor? Who is the antagonistic force who will try to stop Ryu from uncovering the truth? Well, we find him over in Stronghart's office. Apparently he took an express train back to London from wherever it was he's been these past few days.

YOOOOUUUU!!! Though before we can address his presence properly, we need to discuss the new case. Stronghart wastes no time asking Ryu and Susato whether they've heard “the sickening news about the Reaper's latest devilry.” Which stands out, to say the least, since Stronghart has always been a strong supporter of Van Zieks up until this point. When Susato points out that surely he doesn't believe it, Stronghart says he believes only in facts, which all point to the unavoidable accusal of Lord van Zieks. Someone sure had a quick turnaround when it comes to his number one prosecutor, geez... Stronghart points out the irony that there's no salvation for anyone prosecuted by the Reaper of the Bailey, and now the Reaper himself must stand in the dock. Just as Van Zieks had already alluded to, Stronghart now claims the public will want answers about those mysterious deaths. Ryu and Susato both point out that which had been rubbed into our faces several times already; Van Zieks denies any involvement, and also there have been several investigations into whether he had anything to do with it. Stronghart kind of brushes this off, though. Turns out, Van Zieks is being traded in for a newer model number one prosecutor: Kazuma Asogi! Which seems weird at first glance, since Kazuma is a defense attorney, but Stronghart considers that a bonus:

“A devastation combination, wouldn't you agree?”

I do agree. Granted, it seems Van Zieks had already figured out the defense's strategies too, he just never actively used them to his own advantage. It also turns out that Kazuma personally requested the prosecutor position for this trial. Susato thinks it's pretty unprecedented to grant a newcomer exchange student such a request, but Stronghart offers some petty excuse about how this way, it won't look like the judiciary are closing ranks. Kazuma, who assumes his friend will take on the defense, says he'll see how Ryu's skills have been honed after practicing law in England for so many months. (Uhh. Actually, bestie, it was only about two months of being a defense attorney and six months of disbarment.) Ryu notes that Kazuma is being hostile towards him and wonders why. On a final note, when asking Stronghart about the gun found at the crime scene, we're told that it's issued to all members of law enforcement, including prosecutors. Van Zieks claims to have lost his. That's a troubling claim indeed, because it's difficult to prove or disprove. GOSH, if only fingerprints were allowed in court.

As Ryu and Susato turn to leave, Kazuma stops them. He once again states he wants Ryu to witness this trial as the defense counsel, to “see how it ends”. Since Kazuma has a very distinct vision for how he wants it to end, I guess this means he intends to confront Ryu with Van Zieks's guilt and have his bestie see that a man like him is unworthy of his trust. Either that, or he expects Ryu to use this trial to find the truth of what really happened with the Professor ten years ago, just as he used Albert's trial to dig into that incident. Still though, this reads as pretty scummy to me, because it means he wants Ryu to lose a trial and lose some of his belief in his clients. In the trial itself, it seems to me that Kazuma desperately believes Van Zieks to be a horrible person deserving of the guilty verdict. Therefore, he in no way can hold hope that Ryu will prove him wrong (unlike what went down in case 2-3 with Albert). Anyway, Ryu says that Van Zieks would never put his fate in his hands.

“... It's not easy to see behind the facade sometimes.”

Case 2-3 already told us this, but it's nice to have it confirmed by someone who was closer to Van Zieks. Because remember, Kazuma spent three months by Van Zieks's side (and even fighting by his side), so of course he would know more about his personality than we do. Kazuma hands over a photograph of Barok when he was younger and

GOOD LORD, HE CAN SMILE. Or he could when he was younger, anyway. Kazuma states the picture was displayed in Gregson's office. What he's 'trying to say' is that if Ryu really thinks he can trust “the Reaper” (distancing choice of words again), he might find that some straight talking will change his view. I got the impression we've been straight talking Van Zieks ever since we first met him, but okay. Let's take the picture and back to the gaol we go! Van Zieks is once again reading from some paper and Ryu points out that either he's an incredibly slow reader or it's an incredibly long letter, but either way, Ryu might even be able to read English faster than him. Naturally, this was said loud enough for Van Zieks to overhear.

Scumbag point for hypocrisy, but also a scumbag point for “Nipponese”. When Ryu asks whether it's still Albert's letter he's reading, Van Zieks says he had the case report brought to him in secret. So wait, the Yard does share case details with its suspect? Hilarious. Once again, Van Zieks insists the situation has nothing to do with Ryu, up until the prosecutor's name is revealed to him. And so, the masked cardboard cutout student has become the master! Ryu notes that all the color drained from Van Zieks's face, which is pretty impressive when there's barely any color there to begin with. Ryu has the opportunity now to thrust the photograph into his face, so let's do that. He's immediately alarmed, since he assumed it to be lost and would never have expected Gregson to have it. When Ryu says that Gregson had a deep respect for him, he dismisses that as nonsense, only to correct himself. “There was a time things were like that.”

Van Zieks thanks Ryu for that nice glimpse into the past, and Ryu thinks to himself that there was a glimmer in Van Zieks's eyes- a brief twinkle. He considers that “an insight into the true nature of this man known to all as the stone-cold Reaper of the Bailey”, with “the true nature” being highlighted as orange. So this right here is undeniable; this is what the narrative is illustrating to us now. The true nature of Barok van Zieks is that of someone who was hopeful and jovial; kind-hearted, as Albert knew him. What we see now, that harsh exterior full of harsh words, is not his nature at all.

Van Zieks is more willing to talk now. He once again speaks of Klint, rehashing the same story we've heard several times already. Van Zieks claims there's not a single day where he doesn't curse the name Asogi. He considers it a cruel twist of fate that the man's son intends to crucify him in 'some kangaroo court'. Clearly, he doesn't think highly of the upcoming trial if he refers to it as a kangaroo court, but that's likely because he knows he isn't the real killer. When Ryu points out that he still doesn't understand why Stronghart apprenticed Kazuma to Van Zieks, the explanation is that “it's what he does”. Van Zieks believes that Stronghart knew Kazuma's true identity from the outset, but still provides no real explanation as to why Stronghart 'did what he did' and even assigned Kazuma as the prosecutor this time. Van Zieks goes on to contemplate the name Asogi some more and calls it 'the epitome of his bane'.

I've talked before about how utterly flawed it is that Van Zieks attributes Genshin's crime to his race and/or cultural upbringing and proceeds to tar every single Japanese person with the same brush. There's no need to go into this again; we all know it's wrong. Turns out, even Van Zieks knows it's wrong, but we'll get back to that momentarily. First, Van Zieks needs to talk about Klint even more. (good lord...) He explains that Klint van Zieks was hunting down a mass murderer and “assigned to the investigation as his partner was a certain visiting student dispatched by the Yard.” This was Genshin, of course, and I believe this is the first time it's said that he too was looking into the Professor case. So Van Zieks already mentioned in the previous case that the Japanese students had left a deep impact on him, and also that he once toasted friendship with a Japanese person, but now we have this:

“But none of us saw the true nature of the man.”

True nature is once again in orange here, but this time as a red herring. Van Zieks believes that the Professor murders were Genshin's true nature, when it isn't quite true at all. Regardless, since Van Zieks was still in university at the time the exchange students were in the country, I don't think he would've had that much contact with Genshin. I expect he encountered the man on rare occasion while Klint associated most with him. Every meeting was enough to foster this respect and friendship, though, so it's clear that young Van Zieks was easily influenced and had a very open mind towards a foreign exchange student. But then, that's what makes the next portion of the story all the more damaging.

“My esteemed brother... The people I believed in... And any semblance of right prevailing over wrong!”

As Van Zieks also already alluded to in the previous case, he found himself in a very dark place. That isn't surprising. Every positive thing Van Zieks knew in his life, from his family to his closest friends, was ripped away from him in extremely close succession. What must've been the final nail in the coffin was Genshin outright admitting to his crimes. It erased all doubt that perhaps there was some sort of misunderstanding or a frame job. Going over everything Van Zieks has said so far, it seems he didn't just blame Genshin for the tremendous loss he suffered; he blamed himself. He must believe that his trust in Genshin blinded him to this supposed 'true nature', just as it must've also blinded Klint, and that the whole tragedy could've been prevented if only he'd been more cautious. So now, in present day, he no longer trusts anyone. He outright says so.

Van Zieks goes on to talk about how he was the one who prosecuted the Professor. Since he'd only just graduated, such a thing usually wouldn't be allowed, but he “beleaguered the ascribed prosecutor until he consented.” This person was Mael Stronghart, who back then was apparently still no more than a prosecutor. A highly accomplished one, but a prosecutor nonetheless. Since Klint was the Director of Prosecutions (or Chief Prosecutor???) at the time, that means he actually ranked above Stronghart. Interesting. Regardless, since Stronghart agreed to let Van Zieks lead the prosecution and instead only acted as an advisor, Van Zieks now feels indebted to him. That certainly explains why he's usually so good about following Stronghart's orders and not asking questions.

“And, of all things, as a lawyer.”

Ahhh, this is the part where Ryu enters the chronology. Our protagonist points out that he's felt Van Zieks's animosity since the first time he faced him in the courtroom; his obvious deep loathing of Japanese people. And here comes perhaps one of the most important, yet most overlooked lines Van Zieks will ever utter in these games:

“But for so many years, that hatred had festered inside me, I could no longer control it.”

So here, Van Zieks admits to two things. First of all, he admits that he was wrong to hold such deep loathing and by extension, to give that loathing a voice. He's a man of logic, after all. To cling to something which he refers to as illogical is about as wrong as one could get. Not only that, he admits that this was an unstoppable force he should have controlled, but was too weak to do so. The hatred overpowered him and did away with common sense. He behaved stupidly and irrationally because for ten years, hatred and negativity was all he knew. But what's even more striking here is Ryu's answer, which is also often overlooked:

Ryu, bless his heart, doesn't blame Van Zieks for succumbing to this weakness. Bear in mind, he's the victim here. Van Zieks wouldn't have encountered many other Japanese people in those ten years, if at all. This means the first person he lashed out against was Ryu. Naturally, Ryu can't speak for Susato or Soseki, who received their own verbal assaults and might have different opinions on the matter. Ryu is just one man, but in our narrative, he's the main protagonist and the main target of these outbursts. Is it misleading and perhaps even problematic in the grand scheme of things to have the protagonist sympathize with such motivation? Well, that depends on many different factors. There's no easy answer for this because it's a nuanced, cultural sort of thing. Personally, I was a bit bothered by it, but not to the point that it ruined the experience for me.

Van Zieks admits that just as the Japanese were the bane of his life, Kazuma Asogi must believe Van Zieks to be the bane of his. He is, after all, the Reaper who sent his father to the gallows. Van Zieks thinks that Kazuma intends to take revenge in court and... Really, this is true.

There's a quick bit of conversation about Gregson now. Turns out, the only reason the Professor was caught at all was because Gregson forced an autopsy on Klint despite it being considered the highest taboo at the time. Van Zieks says that as a result of Gregson's powerful conviction, he could avenge his brother's death. He looks quite torn, a bit pained. He must believe he owes Gregson something for this. The conversation then moves on to Van Zieks's revolver, which he claims to have misplaced an undetermined amount of time ago. “I must have stowed it somewhere, I suppose. Or left it somewhere, perhaps.” Van Zieks clearly doesn't think highly of firearms as a weapon, since he's constantly carrying a sword around instead. Susato points out that Ryu has a talent for misplacing things in common with Van Zieks, which leads to one more scumbag outburst.

… Dude. Come on. You just admitted it was illogical. You came so far! Scumbag point for you. Still, as the conversation rounds to a close, Van Zieks utters the words “Mister... Naruhodo”, much to Ryu's surprise. This is the first time he's actually said Ryu's name! Van Zieks once again reiterates that he's lost all confidence in England's judiciary system. He doesn't trust the police, the judiciary or lawyers. Even so, there's still one thing he's willing to believe in.

“That which you see in the eyes of another across the courtroom: a simple determination to know the truth. From the very first time we clashed in the Bailey almost a year ago now... I couldn't deny it, even though I dearly wished I could. 'Here is a loathsome Japanese... who has absolute integrity as a lawyer.' There are only two other men I've known with that same look in their eyes: my brother, Klint. … And Genshin Asogi.”

This is interesting. So at first when he saw that look in Ryu's eyes, he must've been reminded of Genshin. And again, this is why he directed such hatred towards Ryu; he saw someone who wasn't alive anymore. But now he recalls that Klint also had that same gaze, and so he wants to believe that Ryu is not similar to a deceitful murderer, he's instead similar to his beloved brother. (Boy is he going to have to reevaluate how he judges people when he finds out that his beloved brother was the deceitful murderer.) Van Zieks says that when he saw the photograph, he was reminded of a time when he could laugh, free of the shackles of mistrust which plague him now. This is very relevant since Van Zieks indeed can't laugh anymore. We never see him do it. He can't even smile.

“But at times the mire into which I've sunk makes it almost impossible to breathe.”

Someone please get this man to a professional therapist. If he means that in a more literal sense and he does occasionally feel like he can't breathe, that's telltale signs of panic attacks. It could just be, of course, that he's being overdramatic and the “impossible to breathe” bit is just fanciful wordplay to go with the mire analogy. Still though, considering he's also mentioned being in a dark place and that he's willing to die so long as it serves a useful purpose, and that he drinks his wine to stave off tedium... He's clearly depressed. But then, he seems to know it. He acknowledges that the way he is now is not the way things should be, and that he needs to fight to overcome it. And so:

“... In tomorrow's trial... Will you advocate for me?”

Boom. Swallowed his pride and turned to Ryu for help because he knows it's what's best for him. He no longer trusts anyone, but he's willing to trust Ryu because once he starts opening up again and has that trust repaid, then perhaps things can gradually go back to the way things were when he was younger. Mind, he still hasn't apologized for his actions, but that doesn't change that Ryu at least is willing to extend a hand to Van Zieks. It's a little sad that Susato doesn't properly form her own opinion on this and instead just goes along with whatever Ryu says. I would've liked to know just how she feels about Van Zieks's attitude and whether or not he deserves to be helped. She doesn't object to it, at least, and since Susato usually always speaks her mind, I can only assume she genuinely agrees with Ryu's sentiments.

The next day, in the defendant's lobby, it's remarked there's a 'menacing tension' in the air and Ryu surmises out loud it's the result of the menacing appearance of the defendant. Well-deserved, that remark. Touché. Van Zieks asks him for a little more courtesy in a polite enough manner, but considering the lack of courtesy he's shown Ryu over the past 8 months, that's hypocritical. He informs Ryu that this is a closed trial without a jury, which bums me out because it means no more Summation Examination. I would've liked to see Asogi react to that. (S)Holmes comes in and has the weirdest little banter with Van Zieks that I honestly can't... really decipher. There's several things about it that really strike me as being off:

- “And I you. I see London's celebrated great detective is as active as ever.”

- “Oh, you exaggerate, my dear fellow. Compared to my paltry engagements with a few trivial cases... The Reaper's overbearing presence is a far greater deterrent to the black roots of crime in our capital. And whilst I may not agree with your methods... There is at least one point on which I would readily commend you.”

- “What an honour. And that would be...?”

- “Your eye for a good lawyer, sir. […] Behind this lawyer there is a very great mind. My own.”

Alright, so... First of all, we know (S)Holmes is super arrogant and would never refer to his past cases as “trivial” in all sincerity. Plus, it's established that he's very weird with compliments, such as referring to Gregson as “the best of those blunderers of the Yard”, so complimenting Van Zieks directly on the effect he has on crime feels off. Aside from that, (S)Holmes addresses Van Zieks as the Reaper and continues to talk about 'his methods', when it's already been established (S)Holmes doesn't believe Van Zieks has anything to do with the Reaper killings. Taking all that into account, I can only really assume that the first half of this above conversation is (S)Holmes being weirdly passive aggressive towards Van Zieks, with Van Zieks being passive aggressive in turn. It really, truly feels as if there was some sort of backstory between these two that they had to scrap at the last second. Regardless, the exchange ends with (S)Holmes warning Van Zieks that this will be “quite a trial”.

Gina Lestrade shows up with Yujin Mikotoba (….. when did they meet???), saying they intend to watch the trial, and I am very impressed with how (S)Holmes manages to disappear from the scene and not say a word when his old partner arrives. Anyway, Gina looks Ryu square in the eye and asks him why he agreed to take Van Zieks on. Everyone's saying it was him who killed Gregson. Considering everyone was saying it was her who killed Pop Windibank six months ago, you'd think she might want to tone down her attitude, but she's clearly in mourning and lashing out. See? People who are hurting can say insensitive things. Ryu insists he doesn't believe it to be true, but Gina demands to know that if it wasn't him, then who?

“An' if it turns out it was 'im wot killed the boss... Then God 'elp 'im!”

It's interesting to remember that during The Unspeakable Story, Gina wasn't afraid of Van Zieks for his Reaper reputation. She didn't believe in the curse and didn't think she would end up like the other defendants. Now, she absolutely no longer gives a damn whether Van Zieks is the mysterious Reaper or not. She only thinks he might be a murderer who took away her mentor and that's what has her judge him so fiercely. Van Zieks remarks on her fiery eyes and tells her that the culprit does indeed deserve every inch of her loathing. “At least that may be some solace to the deceased.” So here, in a roundabout way, it rather looks as if Van Zieks is sympathizing with Gina's anger. At the very least, he's condoning it, just not towards himself.

Entering the courtroom, it becomes clear very fast just how serious this trial will become. Just as was alluded to before, the judge confirms that the 'Reaper of the Old Bailey' has been undermining Her Majesty's justice system and therefore, the people will demand answers on this matter. Ryu thinks to himself the trial will be a lot more far-reaching than just Gregson's murder. Sure enough, Kazuma is at the prosecutor's bench and ready to get that vengeance Van Zieks referred to in jail. Shockingly, the first witness he summons is actually Van Zieks himself. The judge is surprised, but Kazuma explains that as a prosecutor, Van Zieks believes in the oath of office he's taken; he'll be compelled to tell the truth. Because contrary to what happened in Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro, Van Zieks is against perjury! (I WILL NEVER GET OVER WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHAMSPEARE!) Sure enough, he takes the stand and Kazuma says the court would like to hear him explain some things away.

He really is just brutally honest, isn't he? Both in his courtroom methods and in how he shows his emotions. He doesn't sugarcoat, he doesn't beat around the bush, he definitely doesn't lie... At most, he may withhold some information. Unfortunately, his testimony is mostly useless. The judge remarks that he didn't want to imagine this day would come, but ever since Van Zieks became known as the Reaper, he's been dreading it. The judge, our neutral ground, seems to be convinced that Van Zieks may have actually done the deed. That's not good. Kazuma acts all smug, saying that Van Zieks indeed hasn't explained anything away and that his testimony barely qualifies as an excuse. Van Zieks notes that his 'mute apprentice' has a way with words. Meanwhile, Ryu thinks to himself that Kazuma isn't behaving like himself, which is a sentiment they'll keep repeating throughout the case. … I gotta be honest here, I didn't notice all that much of a difference between this Kazuma and the one from the very first case of the game. I mean, come on, he sliced a man's hair off and cursed his descendants just for insulting Ryu. He's slightly more arrogant here, maybe, but since he was only the assistant there and is a leading counsel here, it makes sense for him to be more proactive and confident in his methods. Then again, I'm not a Kazuma expert; maybe there's something I'm missing.

In his testimony, Van Zieks revealed that he was investigating Gregson, but when pressed on it he won't admit the exact reason for it. He only says he'd identified a distinct possibility Gregson was involved in a case he was investigating. When asked how he even knew where Gregson would be, he openly admits to having stolen into his office and consulted his diary. (“Dear Diary, today I dropped my fish 'n chips on the way to Fresno Street-”) When told that illegally entering Gregson's office would warrant serious consequences, Van Zieks says he was aware of that risk.

The rest of the testimony is pressed without further hitches, though what did strike me as interesting is that at one point, Ryu suggests the gunshot might've originated from outside the room, but Van Zieks immediately says it's out of the question. He shoots the possibility down with evidence only he could have experienced (the bang sounded inside the room and he could smell gunpowder), and in doing so, only implicates himself further. Detrimentally honest, this one. Not only that, but he picked the gun up.

NO KIDDING that was carelessness. Is he related to Miles Edgeworth after all? Kazuma talks about how three street peddlers overheard the bang and burst through the door with some force. Van Zieks states they almost gave him a heart attack in the process (omg) and Ryu thinks to himself: “(But you're supposed to be the Reaper...)” C'mon Ryu, haven't you seen enough of this man by now to know he gets jarred easily?

When the testimony rounds to a close, things get interesting. Kazuma uses his defense attorney skills, as promised. He uses evidence from the Court Record to point out contradictions in Van Zieks's testimony, thereby 'proving he's lying'. Hey, what happened to Van Zieks believing in the oath of office and being compelled to tell the truth? Did Kazuma call Van Zieks to the stand just to expose him as a liar? He wins the judge over quite easily by illustrating these contradictions and casting doubt on Van Zieks's integrity. Tragic, because as Van Zieks says:

Van Zieks steps down from the stand and disappears for the remainder of the trial day. He doesn't even show up during intermission in the defendant's lobby. Characters do still talk about him, though!

I mean... He ain't lyin'. At one point, Kazuma utters the words “the defence is fated to lose. And the prosecution to win,” which once again confirms that Kazuma basically asked Ryu to take part in an 'unwinnable' trial. Which, y'know, is technically fine. Losing a trial isn't the end of the world, especially when the defendant (in Kazuma's eyes) is actually guilty. Still though, personally asking Ryu to take on Van Zieks just so he can watch the man be exposed as a killer is kind of... Kazuma, sir, are you also unable to control your hatred and having it lash out in illogical ways? Is that a parallel with Van Zieks I spy?

The rest of the trial isn't directly related to Van Zieks. It's just a whole bunch of roundabout arguing with street peddlers, red-headed scammers and the revelation that one of those peddlers is actually Daley Vigil, the missing former prison warder. Despite knowing of the dangers, Kazuma asks Ryu to help him forcefully break some of the man's black psyche-locks (c'mon, we all know that's what's impeding his memories) and they send the man to the hospital as a result. Welp. Unveiling the truth is becoming increasingly dangerous in this game and that's really upping the stakes for us.

Into the next investigation day we go! Ryu surmises that it's clear now “Van Zieks definitely didn't do it.” Even so, there are some unanswered questions about the man. What was he even doing at the crime scene and what's with that investigation into Gregson he didn't want to talk about in court? Heading on over to the Chief Justice's office, we overhear him pressuring Kazuma into 'continuing the trial as instructed'. Once he takes note of Ryu and the others, he tells them that he wanted Van Zieks's trial concluded that day and blames 'Asogi's unwelcome inquiries' for it taking longer than necessary. Stronghart's becoming increasingly ominous, here... I don't know for certain why he doesn't just go the extra mile to have Van Zieks proven innocent so he can keep using his Reaper tool to intimidate the masses. I suppose it's because with Gregson dead, he's lost his most important strategist in the killings and the tool of the Reaper's curse can't be used as easily anymore. Assassins probably come a dime a dozen, so Shinn can be replaced, but Gregson... Not so much. Ryu asks Stronghart whether Kazuma truly believes Van Zieks to be the Reaper, but Stronghart says he wouldn't know. He once again talks about the history of the Reaper with its very long run of coincidental deaths and tells us nothing new or interesting.

To prison we go, to visit Van Zieks himself! He's reading a book now, but we're never told what it is. He tries to ignore the visitors, but just as always, eventually comes up to the bars to talk.

YOU FREAKIN- I CAN'T- WHY- How many more times must we teach you this lesson, old man?!!! Thankfully, even Ryu is fed up at this point.

Finally. He spoke up. I've seen a lot of people criticize the fact that Ryu never properly confronts Van Zieks with the damage he's been doing, and on the one hand I would agree. Calling people out on their bullshit is a very useful step in having them notice their mistakes. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that is also a very Western view. It's very easy for us to think that Ryu should stand up for himself and call Van Zieks a prejudiced little tosser who needs to think before he speaks, but that simply isn't part of his character. There may be several reasons to explain why he doesn't confront Van Zieks more firmly, but I'd like to focus on just two. The first is that Ryu is an exchange student who came to England as a 'guest' and is facing not just one racist. Not even five or ten. Everywhere he goes, he's surrounded by people just like Van Zieks. We've seen it in the judge, we've seen it in the jurors, we've seen it in Gregson and in witnesses... Ryu is a minority in a very literal sense, since there's only one other Japanese person (two if we count Soseki) we know of in this entire city. There's a very natural, very understandable defense mechanism which may kick in when surrounded by potentially dangerous individuals, and that is to withdraw; to be as quiet as possible and to attract as little trouble as possible, since 'they outnumber you'. Bonus points for the extreme difference in social standing between Ryu and Van Zieks.

There's one other thing which adds to the above. Ryu was written to be your everyday Japanese person, and their view on confrontation is quite different from our own. I remembered this from a job interview I once had with a Japanese company and looked into it again to refresh my memory: Japanese people are non-confrontational. It's very important for them to maintain a sort of harmony during conversation and therefore, they'll rarely utter negative sentiments, such as criticism, in a way that will cause embarrassment to the person they're addressing. Instead, they employ something often referred to as indirect communication. “The pattern of Japanese indirect communication uses far less words to convey intent in a more subtle manner. Indirect communication uses expression, posture, and tone of voice of the speaker to draw meaning from the actual conversation.” This is very deeply ingrained into the Japanese culture and, if the sources I reviewed are correct, it goes all the way back to the feudal days. Mind, this attitude isn't even limited to Japan. I've been told there's several other countries who adopt that very same attitude and if you cause someone else to lose face, it can have some very severe repercussions for you. Kazuma is a bit more outspoken than Ryu, for example when they face Jezail, but this makes sense also, since Asogi was written to be more progressive. It seems to me that Ryu has been using indirect communication quite often already and, since Van Zieks is woefully unequipped to read this type of communication, Ryu has now finally resorted to something more direct. It's still not a sharp call-out, but rather, the above line reads to me as something in-between direct and indirect communication. And it works.

HELL FROZE OVER! We've done it, lads! Or, as Iris puts it:

So even the rest of the cast is acknowledging this is a big deal and we've made tremendous progress. Could someone else have confronted Van Zieks in a more direct, more Western way before this point? Sure. But would he have listened? The judge has already snarked at him several times during trials and it's always been brushed off as nothing. The only person he might've listened to would've been Albert, but what is the narrative significance of having a side character confront Van Zieks? There isn't one. This was a very impactful moment where Ryu himself resorted to a more Western tactic to get his point across and Van Zieks, in turn, finally uttered an apology. So now we get to have an earnest conversation with the man at last. Van Zieks says he was impressed; not by Ryu but by Kazuma. On first glance, this seems like a mean thing to say, but... Van Zieks is already intimately familiar with Ryu's performance in the courtroom. Why would he still be impressed by that? Kazuma, however, he's never seen in action before. Van Zieks thinks it's all rather “sardonic”.

It's called a cruel irony, Barok. A common tool in storytelling. He himself considers it “retribution for having played the part of the Reaper all these years”. So once again it's discussed how the Reaper minimizes the amount of crime in the capital and since that's a goal Van Zieks is committed to, he never said anything to disprove the rumors. Ryu insists that someone else is profiting off Van Zieks's silence on the matter and is basically using him as a scapegoat. As it turns out, Van Zieks wasn't quite as passive about the matter as he's led us to believe.

Hm. Alright, so he thinks it's good the Reaper's curse is reducing crime in London, but clearly he wants the Reaper organization brought to justice. In a way, he's profiting off these 'accidental deaths' since the fear that comes from them aligns with his goal of crime reduction, but he doesn't actively condone the Reaper murders and wants them halted. Since there's so much accurate information about the accused used in the killings, Van Zieks surmised a while ago that someone from Scotland Yard must've been involved in the killings. It's taken him “many years” to identify the central figure in the organization: Tobias Gregson. Naturally, everyone is shocked. We knew Gregson! And sure, he wasn't exactly a kind person, but he certainly didn't appear to be a killer. He was very rough around the edges, but from what we'd been led to believe, he had a good heart. … A decent heart. Mediocre, one might say. Ryu asks whether the reason Van Zieks was investigating Gregson was to expose him as the Reaper, but Van Zieks repeats the notion that the Reaper is not a single person. He doesn't have a doubt, though, that Gregson was a key member of the organization who did all of the planning. Believe it or not, Gregson was the brains behind the killings; the tactician who investigated and plotted, then left the dirty work to an assassin by the name of Asa Shinn. (LOCALIZATION WHY)

So now that we have this information, we can come to a very interesting conclusion. Both Gregson and Shinn are dead now, so by Van Zieks's reasoning, the Reaper is dead. You'd think this is good, but it does in fact make it very difficult to find the truth. Rather, Van Zieks believes that the truth died with Gregson (he hinted as much twice already) and while the seasoned Ace Attorney player knows it won't be impossible to expose a dead person as a killer, it'd be a hectic ordeal. The seasoned Great Ace Attorney player will know the Reaper hierarchy extends just a bit higher and the two who died are only pawns, but... Y'know. Approaching this from a first-time-player point of view, you'll know things will get troublesome.

There's another topic of conversation where Van Zieks once again addresses how sharp Kazuma is in court. He didn't miss a thing.

OUCH. So when Ryu first arrived, Van Zieks saw Genshin whenever he looked at him, not only due to his roots but due to 'the look in his eyes when searching for the truth'. Now, he sees Genshin in Kazuma, which surely makes a lot more sense. Van Zieks goes on to say that it's true some of the aristocracy from 10 years ago were problematic and abusing their power. “In a way, Asogi was carving out a canker from society that we British couldn't deal with ourselves.” So here, he sounds almost complimentary of the Professor's actions- specifically Asogi's actions. As if it would've all been well and good, were it not for the Professor's final victim. “But that's precisely why it makes no sense. Klint van Zieks was a noble and upstanding man. He wasn't corrupt.”

Remember way back in The Unspeakable Story when I surmised that Van Zieks boiled Genshin's actions down to his race in order to avoid the belief that there might've been a reason his brother was killed? We see it here again. Van Zieks is in doubt. He may say vocally that “it makes no sense”, but that line in itself is already telling. The fact that he acknowledges it and draws it into question implies to us that he's skeptical of the story. Deep down, he knows something is amiss. He knows there's some sort of explanation he's missing, but if he were to dig too deeply into it, he'd have to acknowledge that perhaps his brother was corrupt. And this still isn't all of it. There's one more thing Van Zieks has to discuss before we can round this conversation to a close. Ten years ago, shortly after Klint died, Genshin saved his life.

There's that phrasing again. “True nature”. It's not in orange this time, but it's there all the same. Van Zieks is convinced that Genshin is the one who had a hidden true nature. In this story, we learn that 'the scum of London' had already targeted him several times even before he became known as the Reaper, simply because of who he was and who his brother was. JEESH. Harsh. So on the night in question, a couple of thugs also tried to kill him (allegedly) but Genshin stepped in to protect him. Genshin became lightly wounded as a result. This is the part where I would have expected them to explain Van Zieks's scars, but he never mentions being wounded himself, so we can't be sure this is when it happened. Curious. This was the perfect opportunity and they let it slide. So anyway, two days after that incident, Genshin was arrested.

Some more telling lines here. Van Zieks thinks he'd never recount the story to anyone; not because there's no need to tell it. It's because it must be difficult to talk about. On its own, that might be a farfetched conclusion I wouldn't make, but Ryu confirms it with his follow-up line: “Thank you... for confiding in me.” We can take this line to mean exactly what it says; Van Zieks confided something painful. He let down some more walls. Growth!

So with all this out of the way, there's a whole load more investigation to do before this case is over. Most of it has to do with Genshin's will, a mysterious trunk belonging to Gregson, the missing time of death on the autopsy report... Nothing too relevant to Van Zieks's character. However, if we go into the prosecutor's office and examine things while Kazuma is there, we do get some fun tidbits about how Van Zieks wouldn't trust anyone else to touch his things and would rearrange it all himself whenever needed. From the sound of it, Van Zieks is very meticulous and a loner, which aligns with what we know about him. Some more conversation later, we reach the topic of the Reaper with Kazuma. He agrees that Gregson was definitely involved in the Reaper organization, but there's one thing that's more important. “Who's been giving orders to the Inspector?” In my eyes, it's a bit of a stretch to assume with certainty anyone was giving orders; Gregson might've just taken up the vigilante justice by himself and found some way to pay Shinn enough money to get in on it. Kazuma insists, though, that Van Zieks is 'the real Reaper'. We as the audience already know that's nonsense, we know Kazuma is wrong. Or perhaps we might think that if somehow Van Zieks pulled the wool over our eyes and Kazuma is correct, that'd be one heck of a wild twist. Kazuma gives no real reason why he believes this, he only goes on to say that ten years ago, it was Van Zieks who 'decided his father must be a mass murderer'. Shockingly, Susato is the one to jump in here and outright say to Kazuma that he's wrong; that Van Zieks only saw that 'justice was done as the law dictates' and he wasn't to blame for Genshin's execution. Kazuma insists that people condemn people and the law is just a tool they use for it. So I suppose that's exactly what he's doing right now. He's condemning Van Zieks, just as Van Zieks once condemned Genshin. We're cycling! And my main question now is this: If Stronghart had been the prosecutor in the Professor's trial instead, would Kazuma be just as vengeful towards him? Because remember, it's people who condemn people. This implies that anyone who had taken on the job of prosecutor at that time is the one who 'decided that Genshin must've been a murderer' and would need to take responsibility in Kazuma's eyes. Kazuma's beef isn't with Van Zieks personally, it's with the prosecutor who used that tool of the law and also evidence.

HAHAHAAA! HAH! If you align this screenshot next to the “Klint van Zieks was a noble and upstanding man” line, you get a wonderful parallel. These two prosecutors are both dead wrong about their beloved family, and they're about to find out in the worst way possible.

One murder mystery spread out over two episodes? You bet! Stay tuned for the last case, The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo!

[4ragon]

Can't speak for anyone else but I for one would love an incoherent rant about the dark age of the law plotline

Alright buckle up kiddos.

So I have a lot of complaints with Dual Destinies as a whole. It’s a poorly paced mess, the final confrontation was deeply underwhelming, it has all these weird “Gotcha” moments where they put in the most bizarre, logic breaking plot twists and then undo them within ten minutes completely for shock value. And yet, despite all of these issues, there is nothing in this world that pisses me off more than the words “The Dark Age of the Law.”

I hate the Dark Age of the Law subplot more than literally any other thing in Ace Attorney. It is a complete failure of a story in literally every possible way. It not only doesn’t work within the context of Dual Destinies, it also completely flies in the face of everything we understand about the original trilogy! It!!!! Sucks!!!!

But no. That was too coherent. I think we should break this down.

First I’m going to start on a macro level. The Dark Age of the Law is the clearest indication to me that the writers of Dual Destinies never played another Ace Attorney game. They treat this Dark Age of the Law thing like this big bad, this shiny new toy, this never before seen wonder, but??? Corruption has been a CENTRAL part of every single AA game since game one!! Since case 2 even!!!

The Dark Age of the Law is this whole idea that people have lost their trust in the court system. And what do they site as the catalyst for this breaking of trust? Phoenix Wright’s disbarment and Simon Blackquill’s arrest.

And okay. Phoenix Wright’s disbarment is a reasonable one. Phoenix was sort of known for being this paragon of truth and justice, this man willing to do what it took to find the truth and protect people in need. His name being smeared through the mud could very well shake up the foundations of trust that the people had in the court system.

But Simon Blackquill? Simon FUCKING Blackquill shook up people’s faith in the court system?? Simon Blackquill is the reason that people are convinced that the entire system is full of lies and deceit? SIMON CONFESSED!! He didn’t even do anything corrupt!! He murdered a woman, sure, but he then immediately lets everyone know “Yes, I super did this murder. No one else.” And they treat it like it’s this big turning point??

LANA SKYE!! You guys remember Lana Skye? The Chief Prosecutor at the time, who was accused of murder, and who still went to prison for doing like a million other crimes after being blackmailed by the chief of police.

SPEAKING OF WHICH the fucking CHIEF OF POLICE was a murderous monster who blackmailed people and also murdered. Did that have no effect on people’s trust in the courts?

Manfred von Karma? Never lost a case in 40 years, literally everyone talked about how he and Miles were KNOWN to be corrupt? Also, you know, murdered a man in cold blood?

Blaise Debeste??? Chairman of the fucking ETHICS BOARD???????? Like!!! That’s some deep fucking corruption right there!!!! And he constantly talks about the mysterious disappearances around him of people who disagreed with him, does that not shake your faith?!

In Turnabout Sisters, as early as case 1-2, Redd White calls up the Chief Prosecutor (who also is not Lana, just to be clear) and demands his complicitness in covering up his own crimes. That’s how central corruption is to the entirety of Ace Attorney.

And you’re going to look me in the fucking EYES and tell me Simon Blackquill, some 21 year old nobody with no power or influence, who theoretically stabbed a woman and made no effort to cover that up, is the reason the courts have lost the faith of the people? You have the NERVE??? the AUDACITY??? the fucking GALL????? to tell me that SIMON is what caused this? The system was never trustworthy, and if it was, what the FUCK did Simon have to do with changing that???

Horrible. Terrible. Disgusting.

BUT

Let’s pretend for a moment that Dual Destinies existed in a vacuum. First Ace Attorney game you’ve ever played. Never touched another one in your life. If you were unfamiliar with the world that Ace Attorney has already spent six games establishing, does the Dark Age of the Law subplot hold up?

No. No it doesn’t.

So as I’ve said a million times before, it was clear that Dual Destinies should not have tried to juggle three protagonists. It just didn’t work. They learned their lesson and booted Athena out of that protagonist title in SoJ, and as much as I hated that decision, it was at least a much stronger overarching story for it.

Now. There were three main throughlines in Dual Destinies. Athena’s story centered on introducing her, of course, but it also was about her struggle to save a friend who needed saving from the law and also himself. It was very AA1 in that way.

Apollo’s story was a little harder to outline, because a lot of it is saved for the last couple of cases, but it’s really about his relationship with Athena. Coming to trust her, his trust in her being shaken, struggling to overcome that, grief, loss, yadda yadda, and I have my criticisms of how it’s handled, but that’s the gist of it.

And Phoenix needed a story. So they made up this stupid fucking bullshit garbage and dumped it in his lap and said “Here you go, best friend! Our dear money maker! This is what you’re working with!” And then they proceeded to use it to beat the shit out of Phoenix until he started spitting out dollar bills.

Okay no sorry I have no idea what the fuck I just said but liSTEN

The Dark Age of the Law storyline was clearly supposed to have some significant thematic relevance to the story, given how hard they were hammering it into us in case three. It was supposed to mean something, and I think it was supposed to mean something to Phoenix in particular. After all, he and Miles won’t stop TALKING ABOUT IT GOD MAKE THEM SHUT UP

The Dark Age of the Law subplot had nothing to do with that final case. Remove it, and nothing changes, because, again, Simon had nothing to do with the corruption in the first place, and the Phantom certainly had nothing to do with corruption. It’s so surface level. “Uh oh, people don’t like the courts. If you can solve this unrelated crime, everything will be fixed.” And then he does (also Athena should’ve been the one to win the case, but that’s a different problem) and nothing ever comes of it, other than “Hooray, you fixed the corruption!” He didn’t??? Miles what the fuck are you talking about????

If they had woven in the corruption throughout the story somehow, maybe it would’ve found some way to be impactful? But it was a floundering, half-thought-out subplot in an already bloated game that failed to give any meaning or help anyone develop as a character. Hell, it kept falling out of relevancy and only popped in to rear its head when the writers remembered it existed and decided to have yet another person remind us that THIS IS IMPORTANT GUYS NO REALLY.

Like! Okay. What if they tied it more to AA4? I mean Phoenix’s disbarment and subsequent return could’ve actually affected the plot. Have people actively mistrust Phoenix or something. Or maybe have it affect anyone in any way. Sure it divides the fucking high schoolers for that mess of a “power of friendship” storyline, but so could a plot about, I don’t know, electing a homecoming queen or something. It affected Athena for one case, but what did that even teach her other than “Trust your gut, sweetie, don’t do lawyer crimes!” Phoenix didn’t have an arc in this game, and he shouldn’t have had to, unless it was coming to grips with the fact that he was never going to get those 7 years of his life back and the smears against his character were always going to linger. But they didn’t do that, they just needed him in there for brand recognition.

I can handle a lot of bullshit in these bullshit lawyer games. That’s part of the appeal. But unlike most of the other bullshit, this particular threat was unsatisfying, meandering, and unnecessary.

[wildfey]

Anon from yesterday back again! About the set-up, a post on twitter explained the theory much better and I gotta look up the name. The gist is that Phoenix could've proved that he was set up. He did not have the time to have a forgery done since he got the job for defending Zak only the day before. Plus the money. Instead, there is no evidence at all he even tried. Why? Because he'd seen the courts' corruption before and decided it didn't matter anymore, plus too dangerous.

(continued) You could even point at his reply to the Judge's words and wonder if Phoenix has nothing to say because he knows it's useless to argue. Hidden powers have already decided that they will attack him and try to drag him down.

okay, okay, hello again anon, good to see you back with another excellent ask.

I always think that there are two ways to look at Phoenix's disbarment:

a) that the problem was straight-up with bringing forged evidence into court, no matter what the circumstances were.

b) that the problem was that Phoenix was assumed to have created the forged evidence and bought it into court intentionally.

Ace Attorney really flips around on which of these is true in universe (it's a plot point to some extent in 1-5, 3-3, 4-1, and 4-4) but considering that Phoenix gets his badge back almost immediately after it's proved that the second wasn't the case, I'm going to assume that presenting forged evidence accidentally is either not an issue or less of an issue. This tends to be the fanon majority stance too. (It's worth noting that Edgeworth is implied to have pulled some strings irt getting Phoenix's badge back. Ymmv and so on.)

With our framework safely in place, the question arises: If Phoenix could have avoided punishment, or at least public shaming, by revealing the set-up, why wouldn't he? As you point out, the forgery doesn't make sense once you start to look into it and we know that Phoenix did put a lot of these pieces together. Hell, he could have made these arguments when Misham testified during the Gramarye trial. But he doesn't. (Warning: this is a more headcanon-y meta than my last one, because the 7yg is... a gap and we have very little concrete info on what the fuck Phoenix was up to. He got a kid, worked on jury trials, played good poker + bad piano, and had some sort of frenemyship with Kristoph. That's pretty much all we've got).

Firstly: Corruption. The AA court system is ridiculously corrupt, and at the point that Phoenix is disbarred, he becomes emblematic of this - he's a man with a history of revealing injustice - notably Von Karma & Gant, but even without them he still won some high profile cases - and once he's disbarred, it's implied that the narrative is flipped, turning him into a figurehead for that which he fought against (dark age of the law, etc). The obvious conclusion is that his disbarment was a convenient way to discredit him - powerful and corrupt figures (and in AA there are many) don't need to fear Phoenix Wright if he isn't a lawyer and his reputation is ruined. The counter argument is that Phoenix... has always done some questionable things with evidence (1-5, 2-4, and 3-3 stand out to me). But no more so than anyone else in this fucked-up universe. Either way, Phoenix has always worked in a system stacked against him, and it's very possible that he suspected there to be manoevering behind the scenes (and there was! We know Kristoph existed and was purposefully working against Phoenix.) HOWEVER, I don't believe that any of this would stop him on it's own, because it's been long established that Phoenix Wright does not give a shit about bad odds.

So, what would make him accept it? Anon, you mention danger in your ask, and I do see that as partially true - Phoenix isn't concerned about danger to himself, but he has a kid to care for. I would say, however, that especially when we come to Kristoph, as much of a bastard as he is, Phoenix had no evidence that he could be violent to the point of murder until 4-1. Before that, his influence was long-distance life ruining, rather than active threat (though long-distance life ruining is pretty scary on its own when you're raising a small child with low funds). I do see that as a cause, but one of many, and this is the point where I'd like to go back to the conversation on motivation.

I am going to make the argument here, as I did in the other answer, that Phoenix, in the 7yg and possibly elsewhere, is depressed, and that one symptom of that is a loss of motivation. It's implied by the game itself, and makes more sense than most of the alternatives.

(I won't get too personal, but the years of my life where I dressed like this... not good years lol)

My headcanon has always been that by the point that Phoenix had sorted out his guardianship of Trucy and got himself out of that initial low that came from having his life ruined, it was too late to fix his disbarment and he had to change tracks, and that's when he became interested in MASON. (Not to self-promote, but I'm realising that a lot of what I've said here is rephrased ideas from The Path Once So Clear, so if you want 15,000-ish words on the subject, it's there). Of course, when talking about Phoenix's 7yg depression, I think it's also important to mention that Phoenix in AA4 is very much implied to be putting on an act (which is pretty common in AA4 in general. Most characters in that game have both a public and private face). Being 'Beanix' - eg. the piano/poker player with no prospects who works in a shitty restaurant and takes nothing seriously - is a convenient cover while he works on the things that he doesn't want to be targeted for (and here we come back to the corruption angle).

As to how far the depression helps that act... well, that could be a whole conversation on its own. Once again, I'm very much coming into headcanon here, but I'm reminded of the phenomenon where someone with depression will deliberately exacerbate it, either as a form of self-harm or as some attempt to fit a role (artists are especially prone, due to the 'depressed artist' stereotype. I see it most in the emo scene). Beanix has always seemed to me as someone who is deliberately messing up his own life - he repeatedly provokes Apollo, essentially sabotaging their relationship, he puts himself into dangerous situations for no real reason (this is a general Phoenix trait), and despite the fact that we KNOW Maya and Edgeworth were supportive of him during this period, we never actually see them around, presumably because he's keeping them at a distance. How much of this is for the act, and how much is real?

Again, we've come very much off topic (whoops) but I see a lot of this as another aspect of Phoenix's low self worth - is there a difference between the image he projects of a man who has given up due to being disbarred, and the real Phoenix who is still actively working behind the scenes but is very obviously not doing well because he can't 'save people' - the thing which so much of his identity relies upon? I think there is, but I also think the image too often becomes the reality, and AA4 does carry this underlying theme of how wearing these masks of a public persona can affect your 'true self'.

As always, I genuinely love to see other people's takes on this, either in the tags, in reblogs, or via asks. This one is very headcanon-y, and I know there some entirely different perspectives out there, some of which I really like. (Also this one got to be heavy. Look after yourselves guys.)

[harley-sunday]

The Draw - Epilogue

Summary: The whirlwind starts at the 2018 ACE Comic Con in Phoenix but you’re not sure where it will end…

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language.

Word count: 1.9k

AN: This it. It’s done. I don’t really know what to say other than that I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. The ending (part 17) was supposed to be something completely different up until last week, when eL convinced me to take the angsty-route. I’m glad she did, because it allowed me to include a piece in the epilogue I wrote a long time ago but never really got to use until now. Thank you, sweets! Here it is, guys, enjoy! ♥

Masterlist

His collar is up and his hands are tucked deep into the pockets of his jacket because it’s cold, much colder than it usually is this time of year anyway. He looks up at the dark sky and wonders if there’s any snow in the clouds that slowly drift by, trying to remember if he’s heard anything about it on the news earlier that day but not recalling a weather warning going out. 

He’s on his way home after another meeting with his lawyer, who, for some reason, always insists they meet in a restaurant rather than his office. It’s never during normal business hours either but always late at night, and always somewhere else. At first he was fine with the arrangement but it’s starting to annoy him that the restaurants have become increasingly more expensive and he’s always the one that ends up footing the bill. As if he doesn’t pay his lawyer enough to help him come out of this messy divorce as unscathed as possible. 

He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the guilt that he feels about wasting three years of his life in a loveless marriage that never had a chance of succeeding in the first place. His therapist tells him to look at it as personal growth, but he doesn’t agree, not really, anyway. At least the court date has been set, he thinks, and this should all be over and done with two weeks from now.

He quickens his pace as he lets his mind wander, taking long strides, looking straight ahead and not paying much attention to the few people that are out this late. Most of them ignore him too. It’s New York after all. For a moment he debates the option of hauling a cab to get him out of this cold but he dismisses the idea quickly. He likes the walk home from downtown, it gives him an opportunity to clear his head and helps with the insomnia that sometimes bothers him. 

Crossing the street absentmindedly there’s something on the other side that catches his eye. He does a classic double take and then shakes his head, not quite believing what he sees. He must have walked by these storefronts at least a dozen times and tries to recall if the art gallery has always been there, but he simply can’t remember. The black canvas that’s displayed in the window is illuminated from above by a single light bulb, highlighting the various brush strokes going from left to right and top to bottom. He knows it’s called ‘Love’ before even looking at the little card pinned to the bottom right corner, and it’s like someone’s punched him in the gut. He first saw it a few years ago, when it was still a work in progress, standing on an easel in her guest bedroom in Charlotte, the paint still wet, and the black somehow less black. 

It’s then he notices the lights inside the building are on and it’s like his body has a mind of its own and before he knows it he’s on his way in. A bell chimes above his head as he enters and he hears a chair being pushed back in response somewhere. The space he’s in is long and narrow, only about fifteen feet wide, but the ceiling’s high and makes it feel more spacious than it is. There’s a wall about forty feet in, with a door that’s slightly ajar, and music flowing in from the back room, some song he thinks he recognizes but hasn’t heard in a long time. 

“I am so sorry but we are closed,” the voice is soft, coming from behind the door, but he would recognize it anywhere and he chokes up a little at the familiarity of it all. The door opens a little more then and all of sudden she’s there, exactly like he remembers her, “I must have forgotten to-” but she doesn’t finish her sentence because it’s then she sees him. Her eyes widen in shock and she actually drops the paintbrush she’s holding, her eyes never leaving his.

“Hey,” he says with a foolish grin, because never in a million years did he expect to run into her again, not here, and definitely not tonight.

“Hey,” she mimics, her eyes softening and the hint of a smile on her lips.

He takes the few steps needed to get to her, and for a moment he hesitates, unsure if she’d let him, but then he throws his arms around her and pulls her in for a hug. He can feel her smile against his shoulder, and he presses a kiss into her hair, because God, does it feel good to hold her again. 

“Here you go,” 

He takes the beer she hands him and waits until she’s uncapped hers before he raises it in a toast. She clinks her bottle against his and takes a swig and he follows suit. 

They’re sitting on the floor of what turns out to be her art gallery, their backs against the far wall, looking out on the dark street on the other side of the window. She turned the lights off before she brought him his beer, except for the lone bulb illuminating ‘Love’, and it feels like they’re in a little bubble, shielded from whatever’s going on outside and if someone told them he’d have a way of making this little moment in time last forever, he’s sure he would. 

He’s taken his jacket off, using it as something to sit on after she admitted she’s only got one chair here, his legs stretched out in front of him and his head resting against the bare brick wall. He’s got a million questions for her but he’s not sure where to begin and so he takes another sip of his beer instead, letting the silence settle between them.

She’s sitting next to him, close enough that her arm brushes against his whenever she takes a drink and it feels like there are little electric currents running through him every time she does. She looks up at him then, her eyes narrowed, almost as if she’s studying him, “You ok?”

He wants to tell her he’s fine, great even, but the way she looks at him tells him she’ll see straight through any bullshit answer he’ll try to give and so shakes his head, “Not really.” 

“Talk to me,” 

He opens his mouth to say something but then decides against it. They haven’t seen each other in four years and so much has happened but none of it they went through together and-

“It’s ok if you don’t want to,” her voice is soft and kind. She clears her throat then, “It’s just- I’ve read the articles about your divorce and- Well, the accusations she's made and- I don’t know, Seb, I figured maybe it has something to do with why you’re out this late.” 

“Yeah,” 

“I’m sorry.” 

He lets out a heavy sigh because he doesn’t want to bother her with everything that’s going on in his life, not really, but he also knows she’s a good listener and there’s no one he’d rather talk to than her right now. Looking down he plucks at the edge of the label on his beer bottle, deciding then to be honest with her, “I guess I should have fought harder, should have made it work, I-” another sigh, “They say you never know what you got ‘till it’s gone, right?” 

He sees her nod out of the corner of his eye, and then her hand’s on his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze and it’s like a bolt of lightning runs through him, “Then why don’t you?”

His eyebrows knit together in confusion, “Why don’t I, what?”

“Fight,” she explains. “Try to make it work. If that’s really how you-” 

“Would you let me?”

“I-” she hesitates and pulls her hand back then, “What?” 

“I wasn’t talking about her,” he confesses quietly and when he looks up at her he sees her eyes are wide in shock. He tries to smile, “It’s always been you.” 

“Oh,” she breathes, her eyes a little glossed over now. She doesn’t say anything else and he doesn’t really know how to go from here so he keeps quiet too. But then she puts her beer down and stands up, holding out her hand to him, “Come on, I wanna show you something.”

He takes her hand and lets her pull him to his feet. She doesn’t let go when she leads him to the front of the gallery, her hand warm against his, and when he gives it a gentle squeeze she smiles at him from over her shoulder and it warms his heart in ways he hadn’t thought possible.

She stops in front of a painting, reaching behind it to turn on the searchlight, the warm light casting a golden glow on the canvas. “I made this one right after we broke up,” she says, her voice a little rough, “took me forever to finish because I couldn’t stop crying.” His heart breaks a little, but she dismisses her statement with a wave of her hand, “I got there in the end. It was like therapy.” A smile then, “I submitted it to a local art competition and I don’t know-” she shrugs but he can tell it’s important, “People seemed to really like it. Someone actually wanted to buy it but I couldn’t- I would never.” 

She gestures around her then, “This is all because of that.” He must look confused because she continues, “I kept painting, had some of my work on display in local art galleries, but it wasn’t until I decided to quit my job after Deb retired last year and Mark got appointed as her successor that things really took off. More art shows meant I sold quite a few pieces, enough so I could open my own art gallery anyway.” She looks up at him, “I don’t really know how I ended up in New York, but,” another shrug then, “here I am.”

“Here you are,” he agrees quietly. He doesn’t know how these things work, if it’s karma or faith or destiny he has to thank for this, but he likes to believe that her coming back into his life at this exact moment was meant to be and he vows right then and there to never let her go. There’s still so much he wants to tell her, has to tell her, and he’s sure the same goes for her, but it doesn’t matter. Not now anyway. Now he just says, “If you’ll let me, I’m willing to fight.” He squeezes her hand, “For you.”

“Me too,” she whispers. “For you,” she looks at him then, “and for us.” She lets go of his hand a little, only so she can intertwine her fingers with his, leaning into him, her other hand on his arm. She nods towards the painting, “Do you like it?”

He looks at it then, really looks at it, taking in the different shades of green she’s used, which, even when they’re on opposite sides of the canvas, seem to pull towards each other, always meeting or almost meeting in the middle, and somehow he just gets it. “I do.”

“It’s called ‘The Draw’.” 

[ziskandra]

Fic Round Up 2020

I didn't intend to do much writing in 2020. Perhaps participate in a single-fandom exchange or two, if any took my fancy. Then my city's second lockdown happened, the Premier told us to stay home, and I am a good citizen. I wrote more in 2020 than I have in any year since 2009 (when I was sixteen). So, I guess 2020 was good for something after all.

Anyway, without any further ado, I present 50 fics across 13 fandoms! (Ace Attorney, Aggretsuko, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Dragon Age, Game of Thrones, Golden Sun, Harry Potter, Mass Effect, My Fair Lady, Original Work, Persona 3, To The Moon, Your Name.)

Ace Attorney

A Good Forking; Ema & Klavier; Klavier Gavin is aroused by a particularly sumptuous steak, and Ema is not amused. (750 words, rated T.)

I (27M) have adopted a child (8F) in less than ideal circumstances. What can I do to be the best possible father for her?; Phoenix & Trucy; Shortly after adopting Trucy, Phoenix seeks advice in the r/relationships subreddit. (2.3k, rated G.)

The Disappearance of Trucy Wright; Phoenix/Edgeworth; Miles Edgeworth is forced to confront his complicated feelings on fatherhood. (10k, rated T.)

A Helping Hand; Franziska/Phoenix; Franziska offers to help Phoenix piece his life back together after his disbarment. Phoenix should suspect her motives, but finds himself drawn towards her methodology instead. (2k, rated E.)

Chasing Demons; Franziska von Karma & Ensemble; Franziska von Karma is haunted by ghosts. Who are they? What do they want with her? And what do they have to do with the identity of her mother, a family secret her father has always kept close to his chest? (20k, WIP, rated M.)

Aggretsuko

anything we dream; Fenneko & Retsuko; Just because something makes you happy doesn’t mean you have to do it forever. (1k, rated G.)

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Intermission; Audra/Greg; Recently divorced Audra Levine visits West Covina to provide moral support during her frenemy’s open mic night. (2.3k, rated T.)

Realization; Audra/Greg; Greg and Audra meet at Rebecca's open mic night, hit it off, and spend some quality time together before Audra leaves town. (2.2k, rated E.)

Does Rebecca Feel the Same Way?; Rebecca/Greg; Greg Serrano is still, hopelessly, helplessly in love with Rebecca Bunch, even if he does his best to hide it. (1k, rated M.)

silver place; Rebecca/Nathaniel; Upon reuniting with Rebecca after his sabbatical, Nathaniel finds himself feeling self-conscious about his body. (900 words, rated T.)

mirror image; Rebecca/Audra; Despite being a staunch feminist who believes women can do whatever they want with their body hair, Rebecca can't help but be intimated by Audra's impeccable personal grooming. (200 words, rated E.)

Dragon Age

Duty; Loghain Mac Tir; There are many times in Loghain's life where he could've died. Somehow, he survives. (6k, rated M.)

Skinned Knees; Loghain & Anora; Loghain and his daughter throughout the years, from her infancy to the Landsmeet. (2k, rated G.)

Divine; Cassandra/F!Trevelyan; After the Inquisition is disbanded, Evelyn Trevelyan and her lover, Divine Victoria, steal a quiet moment alone together. (2.1k, rated E.)

Selfish; F!Trevelyan/Josephine; An extension of the scene where Josephine and the Inquisitor cuddle in front of the fire. (1.6k, rated E.)

A Little Longer; Alistair/Zevran; It’s not the first time Zevran has assisted a friend in a loveless marriage. (750 words, rated E.)

The Secret; Alistair/Anora; In which Alistair tells Anora he might have a child. (1.6k, rated M.)

Jennies; F!Cadash/Sera; Malika's looking forward to introducing her family to Sera. Sera has her reservations. (1.3k, rated T.)

Unsaid; F!Hawke/Varric; After the events at Adamant, Hawke and Varric are interrupted during an inopportune moment. It leads to a discussion on what their relationship means to them.

To Find a Cure; F!Cousland/Anora; Letters written to and from Warden-Commander Cousland, Queen Consort of Ferelden, during her search for a cure to the Calling. (10k, rated M.)

Loud Enough; Josephine/Sera; After the Inquisition is disbanded, Josephine and Sera travel to Antiva. (1k, rated T.)

No Half-Measures; Anders/M!Hawke; After the Chantry explosion, Hawke is faced with a difficult decision. (600 words, rated T.)

Kept Waiting; Celia/Loghain; It’s no secret that the Teyrna is the one truly in charge of the teyrnir (and its Teyrn). (2.8k, rated E.)

Ripples; F!Hawke/Isabela; Isabela had thought she'd given up on love, but as it turns out, love hasn't given up on her. (500 words, rated M.)

Vulnerability; F!Hawke/Isabela; In the weeks following the Qunari invasion, Isabela and Hawke settle into a routine that cannot last. (1.2k, rated E.)

A Matter of Trust; Cassandra/Varric; A line in Varric's most recent romance serial, Holed Up in Skyhold, provides Cassandra with a new idea for their lovemaking. (3.8k, rated E.)

Right Hand; Cassandra/F!Trevelyan; After losing her left arm, Evelyn Trevelyan is all right hand — except where it matters to Cassandra the most.

Home; F!Hawke/Isabela; Two weeks after leaving Kirkwall, Hawke's still growing accustomed to her new home.

Game of Thrones

precendent; Arya/Sansa; Arya shouldn’t be thinking about Sansa like this. It feels like a betrayal. (450 words, rated M.)

Golden Sun

Into the Vortex; Isaac & Garet; After a decade trapped in a Psynergy Vortex, Isaac and Garet begin to wonder if they'll ever be rescued. (800 words, rated G.)

Harry Potter

Sorry; Harry/Hermione; In a world where Ron never returns to his friends, Harry and Hermione must navigate the events at Malfoy Manor together. (2.1k, rated M.)

Scoop; Rita Skeeter & Gilderoy Lockhart; Rita Skeeter investigates a lead from an unlikely source. (1.6k, rated T.)

across the veil; Luna & Harry; During Harry's sixth year, Luna attempts to provide him with some comforting news. (700 words, rated G.)

Beautiful Disaster; Rita/Lockart; Rita Skeeter will do anything for a lead. (1.1k, rated E.)

Mass Effect

Fleeting; Sloane/Jien; Stolen moments before the launch of the Andromeda Initiative. (1.3k, rated T.)

Sparks Fly; Jack/Miranda; When Jack had promised to smear the walls with Miranda, she hadn't meant it quite like this. (1.8k, rated E.)

Instructions; F!Shepard/Samantha; Samantha likes to make sure Shepard's taking care of herself, in every sense of the words. (1k, rated E.)

black and blue (fight on through); F!Shepard/Garrus; After the Battle of the Citadel, Garrus goes to say goodbye to Shepard, and is inadvertently promised a future instead.(1.5k, rated T.)

Piece by Piece;Miranda & Female Shepard; After the Commander’s first death, asphyxiating in the skies over Alchera, Miranda had been the one to piece Shepard back together again, like the world’s most elaborate jigsaw puzzle. The second time… well, she’s practically an expert. (550 words, rated T.)

Mark II; Miranda/Female Shepard; Shepard doesn't leave a body behind this time. (700 words, rated T.)

Control; M!Shepard/Garrus; Garrus will do whatever he can to save the man he loves – even if he can’t bring himself to say the words aloud. (1.3k, rated E.)

Practice; F!Shepard/Garrus; Garrus had thought he'd been nervous when he'd first slept with Shepard, but somehow he's even more flustered the second time around.(1.2k, rated E.)

My Fair Lady

no time for a chat; Higgins/Pickering; Eliza returns to 27A Wimpole Street to seek further phonetics instruction, and life soon resumes its familiar routine. Familiar until one fateful night, when Eliza overhears a heated discussion. It threatens to change everything and nothing at all. (2.3k, rated G.)

Original Work

Run Here; Sword Lesbian Princess/Sword Lesbian Princess From A Rival Kingdom; Much to the dismay of her mother, Princess Cassandra wishes to elope with her lover. Her lover has other plans. (1.1k, rated G.)

Aulia & Haidrul’s Enchanted Weapons and Wares; Daughter of a Blacksmith & Son of a Witch; Two elderly proprietors weave the tale of how they overcame societal expectations to go into business together. (10k, rated M.)

Persona 3

Deathseekers; Minako & Ensemble; They call themselves the Deathseekers and the end of the world is nigh. What else can they do but fight when Death seeks them out in return? (Fantasy AU) (600 words, rated T.)

To The Moon

Minisode 3; Robert/Eva/Neil/Roxanne; They wake up one morning and discover they have drunkenly married one another. (2.2k, rated T.)

Blame It on the Punch; Eva/Neil; After their semi-disastrous prom, Eva and Neil take the next step in their relationship. (4k, rated E.)

Your Name

do you remember?; Mitsuha/Taki; Mitsuha feels a supernatural pull towards the handsome architect she crosses paths with on the street one day, almost as though they've met before. (1.3k, rated G.)

[browniefox]

Waking from the Long Winter

Ace Attorney - 5K Words

Phoenix Wright and a few moments during the ten weeks it takes to receive results from the Bar Exam.

A one-shot written solely for the half-joke I make within the first couple paragraphs lol. Character exploration of Phoenix finding himself again. Hinted narumitsu but just hinted.

oOo

Phoenix is sure there’s a joke here, somewhere.

Something about a lawyer walking into a bar, and then knowing to duck the second time. Or maybe not ducking, but running into it at top speed. Or trying to vault over the bar and getting his feet caught on it and falling on his face instead. There’s something there, he’s sure of it. More than anything, however, Phoenix wishes his brain would focus on the Actual Bar Exam instead of trying to make this stupid joke work.

He took the bar once before, of course. His memory of having done so, however, is shaky at best. Trying to look back at it, it’s nothing more than two days of pure stress. If he tries to pin the experience down to a word, it's just a really long and drawn out scream.

Taking the bar the second time, ten years later, is… different.

Phoenix studied, of course. Apollo had still had his flashcards and big binder full of notes. Slow days in the office were often punctuated with spontaneous quizzing on terms and laws and procedures. He’d spent late nights reading big law books and then falling asleep on top of them like he was in college again. He sat in on a lot of trials, reviewing the roles of the people in the court.

Now that he’s finally actually taking the Bar, it’s like a math test.

Obvious not as far as subject matter went. But it reminds him strongly of what taking a math test back in middle/high school had been like. Going into it scared and then being surprised by how quickly and easily he seemed to go through the questions. Of course, that also always ended with him getting the test back with a million red marks that revealed the test hadn’t been easy, he’d just been dumb.

For the first five minutes, nerves making Phoenix fidgety, the Bar exam had been scary and the words had refused to form comprehensive sentences. He’s pretty sure he almost had a panic attack. But then the five minutes pass, and Phoenix takes a few deep breaths, and when he opens his eyes again, he realizes he actually does know this stuff.

He was a lawyer, once, seven years ago. It feels like that should be more than enough time for him to have forgotten what being one was like, for all of the words to have become greek to him once more. And yet, his previous cases stick out to him on the page. Yes, he remembers using evidence law for the Skye case, he knows this. Ah, yes, he remembers studying this case because it reminds him of the Powers one. There’s even a question about spirit mediums at one point and Phoenix almost laughs out loud.

It probably also doesn’t hurt that he’d kept his enemies close during his disbarment, as well as working on MASON.

Kristoph had often asked for Phoenix’s opinion on cases, setting out the evidence and asking for the ex-lawyer’s input and expertise. He wonders if it was supposed to sting, if Kristoph had been trying to rub salt into the wound. If so, he had succeeded, sometimes. Other times, it’d been nice to fall back into those familiar ways of thinking, of trying to piece together a story, of trying to find justice.

Phoenix would never ever thank Kristoph for anything ever, but he did admit there were unexpected rewards for having put up with him for so long.

oOo

Paying for a barber hasn’t exactly been in the budget for years.

Not that there weren’t places you could get a haircut at fairly cheap, but every single dollar and penny counted. Even the months where things looked alright, where there was a comfortable sum left over after rent and taxes and food, most of it was set aside for when the rough times would return. They always did.

“Just a trim?” Trucy asks. She wears the fake mustache she insists on wearing every time he asks her to cut his hair. Her own was just trimmed by him, the floor littered with split ends. There’s layers throughout it, and now that it’s started to dry back out he can see his handiwork and nods to himself. The days of terrible and uneven cuts while trying to watch a video tutorial are well behind both of them, years of practice instead showing through.

The swivel chair from the desk has been moved into the bathroom and Phoenix looks at himself in the mirror, his hair for once not bunched up inside of his beanie. It’s long enough to pull back with a hair tie. Trucy is already gearing up to cut off an inch, the same inch she cuts off every time to keep it from getting too long. For years, that’s been the only reason to cut his hair. He runs his fingers through it. It’s to his shoulders right now and he blinks when he realizes that he hates it.

He hates how the long strands get in his face. He hates how sometimes he pulls his beanie off and his hair is staticy. He hates how if he doesn’t pull it back while cooking, if he has something on his hands, he has to awkwardly flick his head in usually-futile attempts to get the hair out of the way.

He hates it and he’s hated it for a while. But for some reason, every time before now, it’s felt easier and safer to keep it long and annoying.

“Actually,” He says, and then hesitates. He’s had his hair like this for so long now, and shorter hair… He steels himself and straightens a bit, “Actually, Truce, could you go a little shorter this time? Just, you know, a little-”

“Don’t worry, daddy, leave it to me!”

There’s a mischievous little glint in her eyes and Phoenix almost changes his mind, but she’s already spun the chair around and started cutting. Phoenix closes his eyes and waits. Trucy hums as she cuts his hair, and usually she does little tricks with the scissors, but this time she’s just cutting. He tries not to think about how close to his head the scissors sound, how much she must be cutting off. He’d asked her to, and he hates how long it was, and yet now that it’s too late to change his mind he’s nervous.

“Alright!” Trucy chirps and spins him back around to face the mirror. Phoenix opens his eyes.

A young lawyer, full of hope and trust and pure stubbornness, stares back at him.

And then he blinks, and the man has little tired wrinkles around his eyes and at the corners of his mouth and prominently between his eyebrows. He still has the couple-day-old stubble that he had yet to shave. There’s dark shadows under his eyes. He runs a hand through his hair. It spikes up in the back, just like it used to, just like it always has, like how his mom used to hate and try in vain to flatten down.

“Well, what do you think?” Trucy beams at him.

“It’s perfect.” He says.

And it’s true.

oOo

Phoenix has never owned a perfectly tailored suit in his life. He never found an issue with this. Off the rack was just fine, and a lot cheaper, and you didn’t have to worry about anything happening to it.

Apparently Miles thought that this was an issue.

Two weeks after Phoenix took the bar, Miles drags him to get a new suit. Phoenix stresses that his old suit was perfectly fine. He at least assumes it's fine. It is shoved somewhere near the back of his closet and by now is probably made up of as much dust as fabric. But it should still looks like a suit, and he can probably send it to the dry cleaners or something if he ever needs it.

Still, Miles insists on dragging him to get a new suit.

The people there all recognize Miles right of the bat, greeting him as ‘Mr. Edgeworth’, with a lot of ‘So good to see you again’ and ‘Are you here for the usual’ and ‘How is dear Ms. Von Karma doing’. His answers are amicable enough: ‘It’s nice to be back in the country.’ ‘No, not today, I’m here for my friend.’ ‘Franziska is doing well, thank you.’

Phoenix sees how they look at him when they don’t think he can see them. They don’t know that Phoenix is well used to being on guard constantly, no matter the time or place. He cedes that maybe he should’ve worn something today other than his hoodie and beanie and flip flops, especially with how the ‘flip-flop-flip-flop’ is just shy of echoing throughout the large store. He knows they must look an interesting pair, prim and perfect well put together Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth next to disbarred pianist and poker player Phoenix Wright. He doesn’t let it bother him as Miles picks around the room, finding suits that he approves of.

There’s too many shades of blue. Half the time, Miles holds up two and asks which one Phoenix likes more, and they look exactly the same. Still, they eventually end up with a few different ones for Phoenix to try on, and Miles and one of the men - the tailor? Maybe? Or the owner of the store? - walk around Phoenix and critique how it looks on him and then send him back to try on another. It reminds Phoenix how much he hates shopping. The whole process of having to try things on and take them off and then repeat is just a bit too tedious for his sake.

Miles more than Phoenix decides on which suit is best out of the ones he’s picked out, and then Phoenix's measurements are taken so that it can be fixed to fit him just right.

They’re looking at the ties, the last thing to grab before they leave, when Phoenix finally says,

“I haven’t passed the Bar Exam yet.”

Miles pauses for a second, then hangs the white tie back up. He doesn’t turn to face Phoenix but his eyes do glance over.

“You took the test.” He says, and Phoenix can hear the unsaid in there. ‘You took the test, right? You didn’t lie about that? You didn’t purposely sabotage your own test? You haven’t done something incredibly stupid already, have you?’

“I did.” Phoenix nods, and means ‘I really did. I gave it my all. I tried my best, I swear it.’

“Then you’ll need a new suit.” Miles says.

“But I haven’t passed yet.”

“Mm,” Miles hums, grabbing a dark red tie and looking it over, comparing it to the swatch of fabric that matches the color of Phoenix’s new suit, “You’re not going to fail.”

“But-”

“If you fail, then you’ll still have a new suit. There’s more reasons than being an attorney to own a nice suit, you know. If you ever eat somewhere nicer than the Borsch Bowl, for one. Or I have a wide array of incessant events I’m expected to attend throughout the year. They’ll be more manageable if I have someone there with me, but there is usually a dress code. Or perhaps I’ll be in need of a co-council at some point. I could use your eyes, and lord knows they’ll let absolutely anybody co-council, qualifications be damned.”

Miles doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Phoenix. He does, however, pick a wine red tie and add it to the growing stack.

oOo

When he moves the items off of the piano, he’s careful to make sure he remembers where everything goes.

It’s his office, it’s his piano, and while maybe most of the things he takes off aren’t his they also haven’t been touched in weeks, and he doubts that Trucy or Apollo would notice anything different. Still, he feels oddly like a kid sneaking food out of the cupboards while his parents are out. Trucy is setting up for a show and Apollo is out looking at a crime scene. It’s the perfect chance.

He lifts up the covering from the keys of the piano. He sits down on the bench, and a chill rushes over him that isn’t there. He can almost hear the sound of the Borscht Bowl, the clamour of patrons. He’s played this piano so few times, he can count them on one hand. He’d given practice a couple tries when he first got hired, until it became clear that being paid not to play was probably just as lucrative - if not more so - than actually having the skill.

Phoenix rests his hands on the keys, cold ivory under his warm fingers. He’d taken classes, once, years and years ago, when he was small and young. His piano teacher then had been an old and nice woman, but she’d had to stop teaching after a few months due to health problems. He can still find middle C, and that is more or less where his skills end. Usually, when someone requests a song, he plays ‘hot cross buns’ or ‘heart and soul’ or any other classic of the sort.

This time, Phoenix lets himself bang around with wild abandon on the keys, like he had as a kid, caring little for melody or timing or anything at all. The piano is probably out of tune. Not that he can hear that sort of thing, but it's a fair and safe bet to make. The piano hasn’t been played in a long while.

He steps away for a moment and runs a finger over the spines of the books on the shelves until he came across a thin one, so thin that the spine didn’t have any kind of title, just staples holding the pages together. Some hot-shot customer had come into the Borscht Bowl, slapped the ‘Beginner’s Piano Lessons’ book on the top of the piano and declared that Phoenix was going to need it once he was beaten at poker that night.

Of course, Phoenix had won. He got to keep the book anyway. By ‘got to keep’, he meant the customer had punched Phoenix in a fit of rage after losing and had been kicked out, leaving the book behind. Phoenix had kept it.

He isn't any good at reading music, but he has the afternoon to himself. He gets out a pencil, writing the letters above the notes, counting the keys to make sure his fingers land on the right ones. It is slow, and tedious, and not something he has to do. It's something he's doing because he wants to.

oOo

Phoenix has a love-hate relationship with Parent-Teacher Conferences.

He loves to go when the teachers will tell him ‘oh, Trucy is a joy to have in class! Trucy brings such a brightness to the classroom! Trucy is brilliant, what an amazing daughter you have! She’s so talented!’ And then Phoenix gets to beam at Trucy, and Trucy gets to glow under the praise, and then he gets handed her report card that he can place on the fridge so he can look at it every morning and be filled with pride again.

He doesn’t so much like them when the teachers look at him funny.

Look, Phoenix is an adult, he can admit that his appearance took a pretty sharp decline after he was disbarred. But some days it was all he could do to put on the hoodie and beanie, and he had learned pretty early in how to rationalize it all away as ‘putting on an act’, as trying to get Kristoph to underestimate him. However, an adult man who adopted a daughter, and thus had had someone declare him fit to raise a kid, looking like he was one trip to McDonalds away from being completely broke wasn’t always the best way to present one’s self to other adults, especially ones on high alert make sure their students were in a stable living condition.

One time, Trucy had even had to warn him to clean up a bit. She’d picked up on the worried questions her teacher had been asking her, about how often she ate and what her dad did for a living. Phoenix had put on actual shoes and a button up for that PTC. The teacher had still looked at him suspiciously, but he’d done his best to exude confidence and ‘I’m perfectly capable of raising a child on my own’. He couldn’t risk losing Trucy. If he lost Trucy…

He can’t lose Trucy.

Of course, the days of those sorts of PTC’s are behind them. Now that Trucy’s in high school and has eight different teachers, PTC’s consist of going between the school’s cafeteria and library to find Trucy’s teachers, get told if she’s a good student or a distraction or doing well or doing poorly, and then heading right to the next teacher. Some teachers they just outright skip, like Trucy’s gym teachers.

“C’mon Daddy, you have to dress up too!”

Trucy spins around in her magician outfit. The straplessness of the dress made it against the school’s dress code, so she never got to wear it to classes. She’d been talking about showing it off during the PTC, when school wasn’t technically in session, and Phoenix knew that she was probably going to take the chance to dazzle her teachers with some of her smaller tricks as well.

Put that in the list of reasons why he did like PTC: getting to see people be amazed with Trucy’s close-up magic tricks.

“Trucy,” Phoenix sighs.

“No, please? I always get dressed up, and you never do.” She pouts, crossing her arms.

“That’s because you’re the star of the show tonight.”

“But you’re my assistant! Please, just this once? I know you don’t like getting dressed up, but...” And then Trucy hesitates, which is so unlike her it catches Phoenix’s attention right away, “But I’d like it.” She finishes. For a moment, the room is plunged into darkness that only Phoenix can see as chains shoot out of nowhere and a single psych-lock places itself in front of Trucy.

Phoenix sighs one more time. He’s not going to pry, not unless it becomes a big deal.

“Sure, can’t have you performing with a sub-par partner.” He relents and Trucy claps her hand excitedly.

He goes back into his room, reaching for a button down. Something simple, he figures. Just something a little nicer than usual.

And he sees the suit Miles had bought him.

It’s in a big black bag to keep it safe from dust or whatever. Almost without thinking to, he takes the hanger off the rack and sets it on his bed, unzipping the bag and looking at the suit. It’s so much like to his old one. He runs a hand over it and then almost puts it back. But if he can’t wear it to a PTC, how can he wear it to any of the myriad of events Miles had listed off? He used to wear a suit everywhere. It had been border-line mandatory.

“Hurry up, Daddy, or we’ll be late!”

Phoenix jumps at the banging on his door.

“Just a minute, sweetie!” He shouts back.

It feels… different. He blames that on the light blue waistcoat that Edgeworth had insisted on. That, and the fact that it was a suit that was made to fit him exactly. His old suit had been second-hand, all that he’d been able to afford at the time. The blue, what many people seemed to remember about him, had been due to lack of options rather than real choice.

He looks at himself in the mirror, running a wet hand through his hair to try and get it into some semblance of presentable. He still has his stubble. He hadn’t shaved this morning. It’s not too late to tear off the jacket and vest and go with his original plan of just a button up.

“Daddy!” Trucy calls again.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” He shouts back, and with one last look at himself, one last effort to convince himself he looks fine, leaves his apartment looking more like the Turnabout Terror than he has in years.

oOo

More of Miles’ things seem to come weekly.

Apparently Franziska is doing a deep and thorough cleaning of the Von Karma estate. She keeps finding more things, and so boxes and boxes turn up on Miles’ doorstep.

Phoenix finds himself spending a lot of his time in Miles’ office, and it means he ends up spending a lot of time helping Miles unpack boxes. Some of them are things that really shouldn’t have surprised Phoenix, like Steel Samurai manga and dvds that Franziska has unearthed from hidden corners of the estate. Miles had admitted he’d kept them anywhere he thought Manfred wouldn’t look. Other little things like that showed up - small mementos or notes, most of which seem innocuous, but that Miles insists would’ve been disapproved of.

There are also other things, like pens or books or pictures. Some of these do belong to Miles while others of them are items Franziska 'didn’t wish to hold on to any longer’. While that seemed to be the case with some, it only took looking at Miles face to confirm for Phoenix that a lot of them had secret sentimental value.

He never understood their relationship. He’d been an only child, and while there were people he was close to, he’d never grown up in the same building with them, nor under the harsh condition Miles and Franziska had. He's glad he doesn't have to jump through the weird hoops and unsaid rules that Miles and Franziska do when navigating anything to do with the other.

“Okay, you can’t tell me these are important.” Phoenix holds up a pair of scissors. They’re cold and pure metal, no plastic handle like the three pairs Phoenix himself owns. All three of them always go missing at the same time too, which completley defeatst he point of having so many pairs.

Miles sighs and rolls his eyes. He’s sitting on the ground in front of the bookshelf. With the most recent influx of books, alphabetizing them means that the previous books need to be pushed to the next shelf, and it has created a chain of necessary rearrangement to every subsequent shelf as well. Phoenix has seen Miles force the work onto some younger prosecutors or even unlucky detectives, but with Phoenix here he does it himself.

“Open them up.” He says and Phoenix does just that. There are initials welded into the metal, M.E.V.K. Phoenix raises his eyebrows.

“Miles Edgeworth… Von Karma?” He says, just to be sure, and Miles nods.

“Mm, yes. Those are my shears. Franziska insisted on the initials so that if I ruined my pair, she’d be able to tell they were mine right away, and I wouldn’t be able to try and steal hers. She took them to get initialed herself.”

He speaks of the event with the calm and cool that is so Edgeworth, but Phoenix has learned to read between lines. He runs a finger over the four initials. Von Karma. The household Edgeworth had lived in and belonged to in all but the official name change. The name that he was able to carry on these shears.

“I’ll put them in your desk.” Phoenix says instead of the millions of other responses running through his head. He’s standing in front of it anyway. He pulls open the first drawer as Miles says,

“No, I’ll be taking them home. They’re fabric scissors, Phoenix. Using them on paper will ruin them.”

Phoenix’s response to that completely leaves his head when he sees the small golden pin in the drawer.

“What’s this?” He says, more to himself than Miles. He knows what it is, and yet he asks anyway. It’s a defense attorney pin. He can see the petals, the image of scales in the center. It’s not as if he hasn’t seen one recently, he has defense attorneys working for him, after all. But it’s so out of place to see one in Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth’s office that it takes him completely by surprise. He picks it up, turning it this way and that.

“Is this... your dad’s?” He asks, the first answer that comes to mind.

“Is what- oh. No. It isn’t.” Miles is looking over now, and there’s something in his voice that makes Phoenix’s brow furrow. He sounds… hesitant? Scared? Nervous? None of those seemed quite right, but Miles didn’t seem completely at ease. Phoenix returned his focus to the pin.

There are teeth marks in it, like someone had bit into it at one point. The edges of it are worn slightly, softened with time. It’s nostalgic to look at.

It’s even more nostalgic to turn over and see the number 26381.

“Wait, this is…!” Phoenix stares at the number, the number that is burned into his memory. He’d memorized it soon after receiving the pin. It was his number, the number that meant he was really a lawyer, that he had done it.

“... yes. It is.” Phoenix looks back up. Miles is still looking at him, the odd expression still there. Not hesitance, not nervousness, not fear.

Anticipation. Miles is sitting there, watching in anticipation, as Phoenix finds his old defense attorney’s badge in Miles’ desk.

“You have my badge.” Phoenix says. He turns it back around to stare at the face. Yes, that bite mark… that was from Ema, wasn’t it?

“I do.” Miles confirms.

“Why?” Phoenix says. He weighs the small pin in his hand and then tosses it, catching it easily enough. It’s so light and small.

Miles considers both Phoenix and the pin, eyes tracking the movement of the pin as it goes up in the air again and then returns to Phoenix’s palm.

“I didn’t want anyone else to have it.” He says. He’s still anticipating something.

“I see,” Phoenix says. And… he thinks he does, “You never told me. Would’ve been a lot easier to have given it to you personally instead of having to take it off and give it to the board.” He gives Miles a half grin.

“They wouldn’t have accepted that. They’d be upset with you.”

“What would they do? Disbar me?” Phoenix jokes. Miles looks like he’s trying not to crack a smile at the joke. It’s a joke at Phoenix’s expense, but the pain of the event has been numbed by time, and the joke is made to Miles.

“I suppose there wasn’t much they could do at that point, no,” Miles agrees, “It would’ve been easier to have gotten it from you personally. I had to pull some strings to get it.”

“And you didn’t tell me.” Phoenix brings up again.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“I thought you’d want it back.” Miles answers honestly.

Phoenix looks back down at the pin, his pin. He can see himself, six or five or even three years ago, finding out that Miles had his pin and begging the man to give it back to him. It had meant so much to him. Its absence had meant even more. It wasn’t as if he would’ve been able to do anything more with it than Miles had been doing; he’d have stuck it in a drawer, and on his worse days he would’ve pulled it out and cried over the small piece of metal.

Maybe if he’d found out a few years earlier, he would’ve been upset at Miles for not telling him, for keeping this from him. It was his badge, after all.

But now, seeing it placed in the top drawer of Miles’ desk where he could quickly open it and look at it whenever he’d wanted to, it fills Phoenix with something warm. This whole time, it hadn’t been locked away somewhere, or handed off to some rookie, or tossed away. It had been with Miles, watched over, polished, kept safe.

“Thank you.” Phoenix puts it back into the shelf, closing the drawer. The anticipation finally leaves Miles to be replaced with relief.

“It was my pleasure.” Miles smiles, and Phoenix returns it.

oOo

A lawyer doesn’t cry until it’s over.

For seven long and painful years, through even terrible twist and turn in the road, Phoenix hadn’t cried. Oh, he’d come close several times. Times where everything had started to get to him, when his chest had shaken with the sobs he so desperately wanted to let out, when he was reminded that he wasn’t a lawyer anymore, that the rule wasn’t his rule anymore. And yet the tears never came. His face stayed dry. And he’d rise again to carry on.

The packet comes in the mail ten months after the test.

It’s thick and heavy. He’s home alone, Trucy at school and Apollo doing some last-minute preparation for a trial. Sometimes it seems like the kid has better luck getting clients than Phoenix ever did.

He knows what the packet is the moment he sees it in the mail slot. He feels numb as he carries it to his apartment. He considers waiting to open it, but that seems like putting himself through unnecessary cruelty.

There’s a knife in the kitchen and he grabs it so he can cleanly slice open the top. It feels wrong to rip into it like an animal.

His shoulders shake as he slips the knife under the flap, his eyesight becomes blurry as he cleanly cuts across the top.

Win or lose, pass or fail, Phoenix thinks he knows how Godot felt at that trial. He imagines that if someone was watching him with the magatama, they’d see a final psyche-lock, placed firmly there when Phoenix had first started to close himself off for the war against Gavin, break apart.

Alone, in his apartment, for the first time in seven years, Phoenix cries.

It finally feels like it’s over.

[youngbounty]

Why Miles Edgeworth is my Favorite Rival Character

I consider Miles Edgeworth my favorite rival character I’ve seen thus far. Not to say there aren’t better rival characters in media or anime, but I’d say that he certainly stands out among them and perhaps would be considered a top 5 favorite. Though, what makes him stand out as a rival is something that I feel is a huge improvement from the usual rival character trope. To explain this, I will contrast what makes a rival character different from an enemy.

The biggest mistake done, in most animes especially, is making the rival character the enemy or villain. The only thing that rivals should have in common with enemies or villains are that their beliefs or opinions oppose the ones the protagonist or the character the rival opposes. It’s common knowledge that a rival will believe strongly in something that the protagonist strongly opposes. In Yu-Gi-Oh, the rival Seto Kaiba strongly believes that strength will achieve victory, while Yugi/Yami believes that a combination of skills their friends share will achieve victory. In Danganronpa, Byakuya Togami believes that everyone should play the killing game with the rules Monokuma set out as a means of survival, whereas Makoto Naegi believes that no one should participate or kill each other at all. In Dragon Ball Z, Vegeta believes in fighting in order to achieve victory, whereas Goku believes in fighting for fun and to protect his loved ones. These rivals have strongly opposing beliefs, much like enemies and villains, except that these views do not make these rivals horrible people. Many times, rivals can be a strong and reliable ally, because of their opposing views, unlike with enemies whose views are meant for nothing more than to create chaos and destruction.

The biggest problem I have with rival characters in general is that they’re often placed as jerks or bullies. I’ve found that rivals are more often vilified than they should. They’re often considered arrogant, selfish, smug and unlikable people. Byakuya Togami comes out as the kind of person that doesn’t care for the life of others or framing someone for murder for just simply annoying him. The other rivals in the Danganronpa sequels follow this trend of being unlikable, but I’ll give Spike Chunsoft credit for making them more original than the rival architype – even though one is a sociopath and the other seems to have some sort of Antisocial Disorder. Seto Kaiba also comes out as an unlikable person and is much more unlikable in the manga, if you can believe it. This guy traumatizes his brother in the manga to the point he’d make Manfred Von Karma look sane by comparison and I wish I was exaggerating. Don’t get me wrong, I love Seto Kaiba, but I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t the most unlikable person in existence. He also was a villain at first, which goes with the rival architype. Even though he did change throughout the manga and anime, the amount of cares he has for other people’s lives and taking responsibility for his actions that caused so many people harm is enough to make any politician blush. Don’t get me started on Vegeta, but at least he was willing to take responsibility for his actions in the Majin Buu Arc. Unfortunately, I don’t know anything about Vegeta after that Arch or have watched Dragon Ball Super, but anything in Dragon Ball Z, you can already guess on your own.

What makes Miles Edgeworth stand out is that, despite his opposing views, he’s not a horrible or unlikable person. Now, he was setup to be unlikable during Turnabout Sisters, but then afterwards, he starts showing himself to being a very good, selfless and likable person. Miles Edgeworth is the kind of person that will give you the coat off his back, help an elderly lady cross the street or sit by you at the lunch table when there’s no one sitting with you. Even though Miles Edgeworth is dressed and can act smug at times, he constantly cares about other people’s feelings. He’d be willing to take the blame for something someone else did, because he will find some reason to feel responsible for something he didn’t do. Miles Edgeworth is the kind of person you’d want as your best friend.

Miles Edgeworth’s views still oppose to Phoenix Wright, the main character, because he believes that trust should be earned and logic will always find the truth. Phoenix Wright, on the other hand, believes that trust shouldn’t have to be earned, but accepted until evidence proves their guilt, and magic can be another way of finding the truth. These are very opposing views, but they do not make either Phoenix or Miles horrible or unlikable people. They’re human and humans will always hold opposing views that clash. Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth consider themselves friends and rivals because, while they hold strongly opposing views, they are also willing to talk or debate those views without thinking negatively about each other. Despite how much they oppose each other, they continually admire each other, because no matter how strongly they oppose each other, they still share the same goal in wanting to find the truth and deliver justice to the culprit.

It isn’t just Miles Edgeworth, the other rivals in the Ace Attorney games are also genuinely kind people that simply have opposing views or beliefs. Ironically, the characters that are considered unlikable or horrible people in Ace Attorney are the ones that are villains and those villains are the ones that try to force their own views into the judicial system or country. It’s like Ace Attorney is saying “your opposing views are not what make you horrible, but your actions from your viewpoints.” Even as the protagonist, you are never given any special treatment. If your friend betrayed and hurt you, it does not justify your actions in painting every prosecutor with a broad brush and the moment you present falsified evidence, even if you didn’t know it was false evidence, you will be the one to be judged the same way you judge everyone else. The only actions that cross the line to villainy is murder and betrayal. They’re actions that anyone with common sense will tell you and everyone universally will agree is wrong. Even actions such as breaking the law or falsifying evidence are questioned if those actions make someone a bad person. Are people like Lana Skye, the Yatagaratsu, Ron DeLite or Godot considered bad people, because one falsified evidence, two are thieves and the last killed someone?

It might seem I’m going on a rabbit trail, but the main point of this is that someone like Miles Edgeworth stands out as a rival, because he teaches us something that is hardly ever tackled in other media. Having an opposing opinion or belief does not make you a bad person. Miles Edgeworth holds strong opposing views that people these days would consider to be hateful and therefore a bad person, but he isn’t. He’s one of the kindest people you’ll ever meet and that’s a fact too many people find hard to swallow. Miles Edgeworth may be the kind of person that can’t trust everyone and wouldn’t be afraid to expose someone’s childhood trauma, but he is also the kind of person to take responsibility for his own actions. He doesn’t allow his trauma to justify his corrupt decisions he’s lived by for the past 15 years and five years of his career. The fact his PTSD is never brought up farther proves that Miles Edgeworth is not the kind of person to play victim or allow it to justify the number of innocents he’s placed behind bars or led to be executed. Not even being brainwashed under his corrupt mentor that murdered his father is ever used to justify his actions.

Miles Edgeworth teaches us how to be responsible individuals. If you’ve done something wrong, take responsibility and never use your tragedy or disability as an excuse. Apologizing is a good start, but you should strive to become a better person than you  once were. Never label someone as a bad person for having a different opinion than you. That person may become your best friend you strive to become one day. If there is someone that is treating you horribly, be an example of what they should be. Fight anger with love. If there is someone in trouble or danger, protect them, but never stoop to the same level as your adversary. If someone brings up something horrible you did in the past, never allow that to define you. Only you can decide what you will do in your life and people watch you, so make sure every action you make and words you say reflect the person you strive to be.

So many rival characters are very beloved by a majority of the fandom, but only a few are the kind of people everyone should strive to be. I consider Miles Edgeworth a rival that everyone should strive to be. The fact he is a beloved character in the Ace Attorney fandom makes me happy, because he is a character everyone should strive to be. I can’t say the same for Seto Kaiba, Byakuya Togami and especially Vegeta. All of them are horrible people that do horrible things and are treated as such. Having a rival that isn’t a horrible person, even treated as such, is a breath of fresh air. Now, I do consider Green, not Gary, from Pokémon another rival that only has opposing views and isn’t a horrible person, but most people often look to Gary when they think of Green and the mangas aren’t as popular as the anime. I’d like to see more rivals that aren’t horrible people with that “I am greater than thou” attitude.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about Seto Kaiba, Byakuya Togami or Vegeta. I do like their characters, but I also know they’re written as horrible people nobody likes. Vegeta was written as an alien that tried to destroy Earth and is now forced to live in it, because his planet was destroyed. Seto Kaiba isn’t written to be a good person either, unless being obsessed with revenge and taking it out on the protagonist, who had nothing to do with it, is considered a likable trait. Now, Byakuya Togami does strive to become a better person later on, but that’s mostly because he’s trying to survive an apocalyptic world and he often changes his strategy depending on the situation. If there’s one person that wants to kill everyone, he will trust no one but himself. If he sees that no one wants to murder anyone, he will lead them to victory. Unlike Seto Kaiba and Vegeta, Byakuya Togami was written to be a likable or unlikable person depending on where you stand with him. Spike Chunsoft did a really good job with his character and I like how, if you were to spend all your friendship links with him, you can go from being his antagonistic rival to being the best man he’ll hire as his secretary as a way to rebuild his company. So, don’t mistaken me using them as examples of the rival architype as my way of trashing their characters, because they are some of the best written characters and I consider Vegeta and Seto Kaiba legendary.

The point of this is to demonstrate what makes Miles Edgeworth one of the best rival characters. As characters, the rival architypes can be used very cleverly, but my issue is that they’re considered rivals that are vilified. In real life, not every person you fight or debate with are your enemies. Most of the time, your enemies are the kinds of people you don’t want to or should fight with. They’re the kinds you want to avoid approaching or else someone will get hurt. Rivals are those you want to fight with in order to become a stronger or better person. Byakuya Togami is debatable, but I’d never want Seto Kaiba or Vegeta to be my rivals or someone I’d want to fight with in a million years. They’d just make me a bitter person, because all they want to do is win against the one person they can’t defeat and seem to become better people once the person they are obsessed in defeating dies. I’m not kidding either. Vegeta and Seto Kaiba literally start becoming better and more responsible people once Goku and Yami bite the dust. How is someone a good rival when they only get better and stronger once their opponent dies exactly?

The idea of a rival is for them to be an opposition to the protagonist that makes the both of them better and stronger people. Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright help each other become better and stronger people through their oppositions. They only become weaker once they are apart from each other. This is the kind of relationship rivals should be. They’re the kind of people that will drag you out of bed after being beaten by a gang of thugs just so you both can beat them up together or send you to hell and back for giving up. That’s the kind of relationship Phoenix and Miles have. They’re not afraid to bite each other or show tough love when needed. They’re not the kind of people that bring toxicity and no one should ever consider anybody that’s obsessed with fighting or defeating them as rivals. Those people are toxic and should never be associated with. Luckily, Yu-Gi-Oh does create nontoxic rivals (like Jack Atlas, who isn’t toxic, tries to become a better person, helps Yusei become a better person and is actually a good person and not a selfish ass) and Vegeta does get his act together after the Majin Buu Arc, though I don’t know about Dragon Ball GT or Super. As for Byakuya Togami, he goes from being a rival to being Makoto’s boss and Makoto being Togami’s doormat, so I consider that an improvement overall.

You don’t have to agree with these, but I would like to hear your thoughts on this.

[snakeboistan]

‘Cause You Had A Bad Day (You’re Taking One Down)

AKA: A Nagisa-Centric Sick Fic

Pairing: Nagisa x 3-E (platonic)

Today was not Nagisa’s day. Not at all.

It all started when he woke up that morning feeling like he had been hit by a freight train that was coming at him at full speed. Groggily, he blinked open his eyes to find his forehead covered in a glistening sheen of sweat covering his forehead and a giant boulder that he could not see had him pinned down onto his bed. With strenuous effort, he had rolled over, planted his feet onto his bedroom floor and clutched onto his bedside table to help him stand up - and then almost fell over backwards because of how his head spun from the movement. He had dragged his feet towards his bathroom and his reflection in the mirror above the sink would’ve made him gasp if it weren’t for the woodpecker drilling in his cranium and the raw scratchiness of his throat. His normally porcelain white face was flushed pink and his eyes lacked their usual brightness. Oh god, of all days for him to get a fever, it had to be on the day they had an English test. Well, at least it was Friday so he’ll have the whole weekend to sleep it off. He was then overcome by a feeling of dread as he threw himself before his commode, retching and emptying out the contents of his stomach - which already felt unnaturally empty to begin with. Groaning in despair, he fumbled an arm above him to flush the toilet and flip down the lid so that he could rest his head on it’s cooler surface as he breathed deeply.

‘This is the worst,’ he lamented, noticing how his body was currently shivering despite the heat of the early morning sun, ‘completely defeated by a stupid fever. And I’m supposed to be a trained assassin. How the hell am I supposed to kill Koro-Sensei if I can’t even stand up properly or think straight.’ With a hefty sigh, he pushed himself upwards, blinking rapidly as he waved his arms about to steady his shaking legs. ‘I bet Karasuma-Sensei doesn’t let something as small as an illness stop him from doing what he does. That man has like no chinks at all. I can’t afford to skip, not with my grades. If I don’t want to let him and everyone else down, I’ve got to act as normally as possible. I’ll be a liability if my sickness drags me down and the last thing I want is to burden my classmates. An assassin should be able to overcome anything and shouldn’t get in the way so that’s what I’ll do. Hopefully, it’ll get better later.’

Once he had dressed himself in his usual school clothes and tied his hair into his usual pigtails, he slung his bag over his shoulder and headed off to school, choosing to skip breakfast and not pack himself lunch with the hope that the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach would die down if he didn’t eat anything. What followed was what Nagisa would describe as the worst walk to school he had ever undergone in his entire life: his throat was dry, tongue parched, body weak and every noise he heard only amplified the throbbing in his head. His insulating clothing felt suffocating, his black tie practically holding his neck in a choke hold, and he knew the heat he felt radiating off of him wasn’t due to the fact that it was nearing summer. 

“Hey, Nagisa,” Sugino called, somehow materialising out of nothing, “what’s up.”

Nagisa tried not to jump from shock. Normally he would’ve been able to hear his best friend from a mile away, would’ve been able to discern the tell-tale thuds of the taller boy’s favourite sneakers against the concrete and sense his presence before he could’ve said a word. It was common knowledge in their so-called ‘Assassination Classroom’ that sneaking up on Nagisa is about as difficult as getting Fuwa to go twenty-four hours without referencing a manga - his ability to observe his surroundings and everyone in them was one of the few things he was actually good at. To make up for his current lack of observational skills and his tinted complexion he hastily threw on a smile and greeted, “Oh, hey Sugino. Nothing much. How are you.”

Sugino narrowed his eyes at the shorter boy as Nagisa mentally congratulated himself for stringing those words out coherently. With a raised eyebrow, he replied slowly, “I’m fine, thanks. Are - are you okay, dude.”

“Of course I am,” he laughed, somewhat nervously, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“You look a bit… tired.”

“I am,” he sighed, “I stayed up a bit late to study for that test we have today. I guess I was kind of pushing it with my sleeping hours, huh.”

Sugino looked at him for a second before stating, “sure.”

Sensing that Sugino was going to probe into something that he really didn’t want to discuss right now (or ever), he continued, “hopefully I studied enough. I mean English is my best subject so I’m hoping for at least an eighty-five percent.”

The sceptical look was washed off of his best friend’s face as his features softened into the usual fond smile he wears around the bluenette, “I’m sure you’ll ace it, man. I know how hard you work. You’ve just got to watch out for those spelling errors, right.”

“Right,” Nagisa echoed with a half-authentic grin, whilst in his mind he castigated, ‘you can’t let your guard down like that, idiot. You saw the way Sugino looked at you. You’ve got to get better at hiding this before you inconvenience the entire class and mess up their day. God, mom was right - I really am a burden. Just spend the rest of the day like nothing’s wrong and hopefully this will go down.’

Unfortunately for him, his pain only got worse and every step up the E-Class mountain made him feel like his calf bones were being split open. It was a considerable effort for him to remain upright as he conversed with Sugino, and his sweat-slicken body made his shirt stick to his skin in the most uncomfortable way possible. His muscles were screaming at him, begging him to stop what he was doing and to just collapse into a heap on the forest floor but he continued to trudge along the path towards the classroom at the top. He could do this. He’s used to hiding his emotions. He’s spent years mastering the art of concealing what he truly felt, surely he could last seven hours - even if they were under the watchful eye of a superpowered octopus, a government agent, one of the world’s top assassins and twenty-six assassins in training.

Upon entering the classroom, he gave his usual greetings, whilst narrowly avoiding any direct contact with any of his classmates lest they feel his unnaturally high body temperature, before slumping onto his seat.

“Hiya, Nagisa,” Kayano chirped, as bubbly as always, “how are you doing?”

Nagisa looked up and hoped that the weak smile he gave her did not resemble a grimace at all, “I’m fine, thanks. How are-”

He was interrupted by a smooth voice, “you sure about that, Nagisa? ‘Cause you’re looking a little on the red side.”

He swiveled his head around and immediately regretted that particular action as his migraine worsened. Karma, who was standing next to Kayano on the adjacent side of his desk, had on his signature smirk but the look in his eyes was calculating. He huffed out a laugh, “I’m fine, Karma.”

“Really?” the redhead raised an eyebrow, “because you look like the walking dead.”

“I just didn’t get enough sleep last night, that’s all,” Nagisa argued, tone a tad bit on the defensive side, “I was so caught up in studying for today’s test that I only got like five hours.”

“That’s not good, Nagisa,” Kayano admonished with a gasp, “you need to take better care of yourself, you know. Studying is important but so is your health.”

“Yeah, I know,” Nagisa mumbled with his head down.

Great, it’s only been like two minutes and I’m already making them worry.

“Besides,” Nakamura chimed in with a grin, “you’re great at English. You were one mark away from me in the last test we took so you shouldn’t worry so badly.”

“That’s what I told him,” Sugino said, “but he’s Nagisa. He just has to worry about something.”

They all traded fond looks as Nagisa let out nervous chuckles. It was then that his stomach constricted sharply. He quickly excused himself with a squeak of ‘bathroom’ before fleeing the classroom, unaware of the narrowed golden eyes that followed him.

Once he was locked within the cubicle of the building’s lavatory, he was quick to once again empty out the contents of his stomach, thanking every deity out there that he arrived early so his discordant gagging wouldn’t have been heard by their teacher with his enhanced senses. It was then a lightbulb when off in his head as he mentally slammed a palm against his forehead. Zipping open his schoolbag, he fumbled inside before drawing out a bright red first aid kit. With a sigh of relief, he opened it and grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen but then his hope dissipated when he capsized it to find it empty. Oh, right, he gave the last few pills to Okano the other day when she was complaining about her menstrual cramps and he forgot to go to the pharmacy to buy more. ‘Dammit, Shiota. What if someone else needed those. Your classmates could be in pain and you would’ve been useless in helping them.’ Despairing at his fate, he flushed, got up, washed his hands and made his way back to his classroom, wrapping his arms around himself to hide his shivering.

Entering the room again, he was met with concerned looks from his peers. Giving them a comforting smile, he walked as confidently as he could with the little energy he had back to his desk, ignoring the eyes that he felt on him. Luckily for him, before anyone could speak, they all felt a gush of wind whoosh through the classroom and in a blink of an eye, their homeroom teacher stood before them.

“Good morning, students,” he called out cheerfully, “I hope you all are ready for your test today. I know that it’s the last day of the week but I’m sure that each of you will be able to power through. Now, I can see that everyone is present but why don’t I take the register anyways as you boys and girls try to kill me, alright? It will be a perfect warm-up exercise to get you all pumped for the day.”

And with that, their class’ school day began as it always does; with Koro-Sensei holding the register and calling out names whilst dodging bullets at Mach 20. Even in extreme agony and lethargy, Nagisa could only find amusement in that as he aimed and fired, whilst simultaneously doing all he could to not let the abnormally heavy gun slip from his grasp. When roll call was over, he could only tell that his fever was getting worse as he was hunching down to grab the stray anti-sensei bbs that lay littered on the floor. He knew that he should probably tell Koro-Sensei that he wasn’t feeling well, that he could use some medicine that he knew that the octopus could get in less than a nano-second but doing so would draw attention and alert the others and then everyone will know how weak he is, how he can’t handle his own immune system, how he is unfit to be an assassin. Or even worse, they’ll be concerned;  they’ll fret and worry over him and lose focus, make mistakes that could cost them, their billion dollar yen and the fate of the Earth. He could ruin everything. So it’s best to keep quiet. Even when his throbbing head feels like shutting down and his skin is on fire and there's enough sweat covering his body to water the tulips in the E-Class garden.

Fortunately, he was able to complete the test to the best of his ability. It was a comprehension assessment and it wasn’t too challenging for him, which was good because he was able to put more effort in keeping his head up than he planned to. Unfortunately, however, his theory of the fever getting better was horribly horribly wrong. If anything, it became worse, if that was even possible: His stomach twisted sporadically every time he took a breath, the cave of his mouth and the empty vessel of his oesophagus stung like they had been rubbed raw and so every painful swallow only increased their pleas for water (he had finished his bottle and he was not going to be asking to borrow anyone else’s), he could feel the build-up of perspiration along the outline of his shirt under his arms (he was so glad that he wore a dark waistcoat to school) and he could see the way his hands would shake no matter how hard he tried to suppress them. It was already the second period of his five-period school day and so all he had to do was last three more lessons and he can go home and hibernate for the rest of the week. He had no idea how he was going to survive Physical Education with the military training exercises that Karasuma had them doing for the past three days. He hoped and prayed that they wouldn't be sparing because that would require contact and fast moves and there’s no way he’d be able to hide anything then.

He didn’t have to wait that long, however, because he was found out by period three.

After spending their break acting as normal as possible without drawing attention to the way every single cell inside him ached and groaned as well as the fact that he was without his usual breaktime snack, he walked into the classroom, ready for their science lesson. Today they were going to do a practical (something about reactions or something, honestly he couldn’t concentrate at all at this moment because his mind was so hazy and he was currently too busy trying not to cry). He turned to Sugino, his regular partner in science, before Karma swiftly walked in between them.

“Yo, Nagisa,” he said, “wanna be partners.”

Nagisa blinked at him before looking around him to meet Sugino’s eyes. The baseball lover only shrugged and then walked away to pair up with Kanzaki. With the way he and the redhead shared eye contact as he left, Nagisa was sure that the two of them were planning something for once the twisting of his gut was not due to his current affliction.

“Uhh, sure,” Nagisa agreed, half because he has a problem with saying no and half because he was sure that even if he did refuse, Karma would still pair up with him anyway.

“Great,” the taller boy grinned.

As soon as the class had set up the apparatus and began their experiment his conjecture was confirmed as Karma had stated, “so what’s with you?”

Nagisa almost dropped the textbook he was holding, “huh.”

The other boy scoffed, “don’t play dumb, Nagisa. There’s something wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong, Karma.”

“Oh really. Then explain why you didn’t eat anything during break today-”

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“-Or why you look like you’re about to keel over any second.”

“I told you. I stayed up too late.”

“- Or what that little trip to the bathroom was for.”

“I had to use the bathroom like any other normal person. I didn’t realise that I had to tell you the purpose of everywhere I go. And what’s with all of the questions?” Nagisa didn’t mean to sound so defensive or snappy, not to one of his best friends who he knows is only looking out for him. He knows that that’s how Karma is; whilst Nagisa approaches problems with caution and care, the redhead goes on with a complete offensive attack - assaulting with blunt words and hard facts to break you down. He doesn’t believe in the roundabout way, he’s always direct and wants things done at the time. His ability to get what he wants is one of the qualities in the other boy that Nagisa admired, but right now it was a pain in the neck. He felt cornered and trapped and something inside him, the viper he could feel curling around in his unconscious, was ready to lash out and bite and that’s the last thing he wanted.

“Hey, no need for that tone,” Karma held up his hands, “I was just asking. There’s no harm in that, right.”

Nagisa let out a sigh, “you’re right. I’m sorry for snapping. It’s just that I really just want to get on with this.”

“I still think you’re hiding something.”

“Karma, I’m trying to read the instructions. You’re kind of distracting me.” (it’s not like he was able to read the words anyway, they all seemed to blur into one big smudge of dancing black on the page)

“Why can’t you just say what’s wrong. What’s the big deal.”

“Karma.”

“Just go ahead and say it, Nagisa. What are you so afraid of.”

“I - I,” he sighed wearily, dropping his shoulders, “I should get another test tube. We’re missing one for the experiment.��

“Nagisa,” he could hear Karma calling him but he ignored it as he speed walked to the front desk to grab another piece of apparatus. It was on his way back that he could feel his stomach give a lurch. His heart was racing as the pain in his head had reached a new intensity. His stomach dropped and he felt apprehension crash over him.

‘Oh no,’ he thought as his hands began to shake.

His surroundings started to lose focus. The floor was swaying under his feet.

No, no. Not now. Not in front of everyone. 

His head felt light. So so very light.

‘Come on Nagisa, one more step,’ he urged before his eyes rolled. He could faintly hear the sound of glass breaking and horrified shouts of his name before the world went dark.

…..

The first thing Nagisa noticed when he came to was that this was not his bedroom. His eyes opened after steady blinks, and the first thing he found himself facing was a blur of different colours that he was sure didn’t belong in his house. Once his eyes adjusted themselves and focused properly, he recognised it as a notice board with lots of paper pinned onto the multicoloured backdrop. Then he realised that his forehead was covered with cold water, probably from the ice pack that he found lying on the floor next to him. It was when he heard the soft clicks of a computer’s keyboard that he registered that he was in the teachers’ lounge. With a gasp, he sat up on the row of chairs that had been pushed together to form a makeshift bed, the softness under his palms made him realise that a pile of blankets were thrown on to make him more comfortable. Karasuma, who was the one that was using the computer, turned around on his chair to face him.

“Nagisa, you’re up. How are you doing,” he asked as he stood up and walked towards him with a bottle of water, “we were all very worried.”

“Uhh,” was his coherent reply.

“Here, this will make you feel better,” the man said, holding out the bottle as well as a small white tablet. When Nagisa reached out to grab them, he found that his right hand was wrapped around in a bandage. He blinked at it in shock, “when you fainted, your hand landed on some glass. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll inform your classmates and the target that you’re up and I’ll be right back.”

Nagisa watched as Karasuma left, and continued to observe the door for a few seconds before looking down at the uncapped bottle. He threw his head back and downed it hurriedly, yearning to relieve the pain in his throat. It didn’t do much since he still felt like just begging god to just finish the job and get it over and done with but he appreciated it regardless.

“OH NAGISA, I WAS SO WORRIED!” Koro-Sensei wailed as he appeared before him with medicine boxes, books on fevers, and five bottles of water, “WHAT A TERRIBLE SENSEI I AM TO BE UNAWARE OF MY STUDENT’S SUFFERING. THE SHAME. AH, I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO CARELESS.”

“Koro-Sensei, please,” Nagisa said, “it’s not your fault. I was hiding it because I didn't want anyone to know.”

“Bu-but why,” his teacher asked, sniffling, “as your teacher, it’s important for me to be aware if you’re not feeling well. OR AM I NOT APPROACHABLE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO UNLOAD YOUR WORRIES?”

“No, no,” he replied quickly, “I just - I just don’t like people knowing when I’m not feeling well, that’s all.”

The octopus paused. Slowly he said, “why’s that Nagisa? Do you think that your classmates will treat you any differently if they knew?”

Nagisa looked down and mumbled, “it’s - it’s just that. Well, we’re supposed to be assassins, Sir. I don’t think trained killers let themselves fall back just because they’re not well.”

“Nagisa,” Koro-Sensei’s voice was stern but still held his kind and gentle tone, “you are a valuable member of this class. Every single one of your peers consider you an asset, an ally and a friend. We all look after each other here. We are all striving towards the same goal. Together. As students and as assassins, an important aspect of life is to be able to work as a team. To carry on through your strongest and lift each other up at your weakest. I see you looking out for others. Why won’t you let others look out for you?”

“I just didn’t want to be a burden, “ Nagisa whispered, “I thought I could deal with it.”

“Nagisa, you are not a burden. You have a burden. A burden that you have no need to carry on our own. I know this may seem difficult to you, but please: next time you find yourself in a situation where you can ask for help, don’t be afraid to.”

Nagisa looked up and despite the wide smile on his teacher’s face, he knew that the octopus was serious. He nodded.

“Wonderful,” Koro-Sensei beamed and clapped his hands, “now, I’m sure that the others would want to see you so I’m not going to keep them waiting any longer.”

“About time,” Karma said as he walked in.

“Were you there the whole time?” Nagisa asked as Koro-Sensei gasped theatrically.

“Karma, I thought I told you to wait in the classroom.”

“I know,” Karma smirked, pulling up a chair and sitting on it, “but the thing is that I didn’t want to.”

“WHY DO YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!?”

“Uhh, Sir?” Nakamura popped her head in, “are you going to leave or not because the rest of us are waiting.”

With a cry of despair, the teacher left the room. Nagisa turned to face Karma.

“I-,” 

“You okay,” Karma asked, cutting through the apology that Nagisa had at his throat, “and don’t you dare lie.”

“I’ve been better.”

“God, Nagisa. Why did you try to hide this? You scared the c**p out of everyone. It would've been funny to see Terasaka lose his s*** if it weren’t for the fact that you were lying on the floor, bleeding and not responding to anyone. Did you know that you had a temperature of 40°C?”

“I’m sorry, Karma. I didn’t want everyone to freak out, I swear, that’s kind of the reason why I didn’t tell you guys anything. I just -” he was cut off as his migraine increased and his stomach flipped. His wince and groan of agony made Karma’s eyebrows furrow.

“You good? Do you want to rest more?”

“I - yeah. I think that might be best.”

“Alright then,” Karma pulled out his phone and began scrolling through it, “rest all you want. I’ll make sure no one comes to bother you.”

…

The rest of the day continued with his classmates coming to check on him, even after school was over: Sugaya had made an A3 sized get well soon card and the entire class had signed it, Fuwa decided to help him go to sleep by reading a manga to him like a bedtime story, Sugino and Kayano berated him for hiding his illness before hugging him, Hara offered him some soup to help him feel better, Hazama offered to use a spell to ‘expel the sickness and other evil entities’ from his body (he was quick to decline that), most of the girls were fussing and doting over their ‘kind of little brother’ and were quick to do whatever he wanted to help him get better (especially Yada, who actually had experience with looking after her sick younger brother) whilst the boys tried to cheer him up with funny anecdotes. When it was time to return home, Karma and Sugino took turns in carrying him down the mountain and to his apartment (ignoring his protests and reminders that they would get sick), even going as far as to tuck him in and place a bottle of ibuprofen on the bedside table. They left with promises of returning the next day to make sure that he was taking care of himself and as they did, Nagisa couldn’t help but be glad that he had such loving classmates.

[homogrimoire-archive]

11 Nightmares

Rhodopis / Karma and Sacrifice

The life of one Rhodes Horakhty-Surya, from child slavery, to traumatic experiences, to love and school, to more trauma, and then his attempt at helping a poor little girl and his subsequent death.

AO3 Link

Rhodes. Just Rhodes. No last name of his own, except for the one all the other children technically had: Hamelin. Very few of the children considered it their own name. It was just the last name of the guy who ran the orphanage, though none of the children there have ever seen him. At least, not that he’s heard of. As the newest and meekest of the children, they just pick in him and don’t interact with him otherwise.

It’s only when he gets adopted does he finally get a reprieve from the other children and the terrible caretaker. He was always hungry, and always scared of the rude person. She was not afraid to punish anyone who disobeyed her. So, at first, he is very happy to be in this new place called Vale. The place is more agreeable to him than Vacuo.

Although, he soon comes to learn that he was “adopted,” rather than adopted. He, and a few others, were more house servants than anything else. Granted, where he slept now wasn’t as cold, he was eating more, even if he was still hungry, and the man who “adopted” him was still less cruel than the caretaker.

However, he was capable of cruelties that the caretaker of the orphanage was not capable of. If a child escaped, there was little she would do. But, most of them came back, hungrier than before, and then beaten. When a boy named Ace, whom Rhodes had become friends with and had a crush on, had tried to escape, he was brought back against his own will. Thereafter, he was treated more poorly than the rest of them were, got less food, and was beaten more frequently. He told Rhodes his story, that he managed on his own for a few days, but was captured by a woman and a man wielding great weapons, and was then promptly brought back. He told them he didn’t want to go back, that he was being treated poorly, but they ignored him.

From then on, they knew that just trying to escape wasn’t a good idea. A second kid had tried to leave about two years after that. She was gone for a much longer time than Ace. But, she too was brought back. She got it even worse than Ace. She had told Ace, who later told Rhodes, that she went to someplace where people could help her, and maybe them too. For a time, she had hope. But, one day, she saw her father hand one of the men that was helping her some official looking papers, and then some money. That was all it took for them to forget about her. She had given up hope, and accepted her life.

It was then Rhodes, and the rest of them knew that escape wasn’t an option.

Yet, they all eventually left the care of the man who bought them. That was because he was murdered by the youngest of them, younger by at least a decade, who had only been there for a week. The little scorpion faunus had killed him with a kitchen knife, stabbing and stabbing again and again as if it was for his own enjoyment.

He, Ace, and the girl were the first ones to happen upon the scene, and then his wife, an uncaring woman whom they barely ever saw. She screamed bloody murder, and he went for her next. Her screams echoed throughout, he blood pooled on the white floor, mixing with her husbands, and her nightgown, worth more than what any of them were bought for, was reduced to shreds. They all stood there, and watched him kill her. But, they did nothing to stop it. Why would they? It wasn’t like they were going to risk their lives for her.

When repeatedly impaling her corpse proved vapid to him, he looked up at the three of them with eyes that almost glowed like a Grimm’s. It was then they realized that they were also paralyzed by fear. When he lunged at the three of them, Ace was the first to act, grabbing Rhodes by the arm to flee. Quickly, he grabbed the girl and pulled her along.

The three of them hurried up the nearby stairs and locked themselves into the closest open room: a storage room filled with some food, supplies, and other things. As the child stabbed the door and tried to burst in, Ace and Rhodes worked to block it with a dresser and some heavy boxes.

After finishing the barricade, after the pounding and stabbing stopped, Rhodes sank to the floor, his heart still racing, and he began to collect himself. Ace followed in suit. The girl was still in shock, still frozen in place.

“What, the fuck, just happened?” Ace exhaled with a stressed sigh..

“What’s gonna happen to us now?” Rhodes wondered as he buried his face in his hands.

“Mother… Father… ” the girl, eldest of them, whispered lowly so that no one would hear.

They spent the rest of the night in that room, silent and unable to soundly fall asleep. However, they all gave in to fatigue eventually, and fell asleep. They don’t know what time it is when they are awoken by some shouting and a pounding on the door. Before they could respond, the door, boxes, and dresser are blasted away, revealing two women with weapons poised. They lowered them when they saw three scared teens.

They were brought out into the front, given blankets and warm food. They each explained what happened, that they heard screaming, and saw him being murdered by the young faunus. Then came the wife and her gruesome death, and then when he turned on them, they ran and barricaded themselves. Since their stories matched and all the evidence aligned, they were all declared innocent on the spot.

“What’s going to happen to us?” Ace asked once the three of them reunited.

“Well,” one woman began, “since you two boys were adopted, and missy here is their biological child, all three of you split their wealth since there’s no will stating otherwise. And by the looks of it, all of you will be well off for quite some time.”

“If you want to see to it that you have a decent job, I suggest trying any one of the huntsman academies.” added the other woman. By then, there was a great number of people at the scene. “Vacuo and Mistral are strict with their ages, but you might be able to try Beacon. Atlas will definitely accept you though.” she said, referring to Ace who was only 15.

Beacon… Rhodes had heard good praise about that place from the son of a family that once visited when he was younger. Helios, a falcon faunus with majestic wings, was his name. Rhodes quickly found himself enamoured with the boy with beautiful eyes like shining metal, stunning and dark sun-kissed skin, and warm orange hair like a fire on a cold night. They also kissed one night, and he remembers losing a shoe after quickly having to run back inside after being called in. He never saw him again. But now, he maybe could.

-

Ace had chosen to go to Atlas, eager to go far away. Rhodes would miss his friend with red hair and black eyes, but they promised to see each other again someday. As for the girl, Rhodes did not know what she was going to do. But, he knew what he was doing.

With some help from the two huntresses, he filled out a request to speak with the headmaster. At 16, he was just too young to be able to enter, and he had no prior training either. So, he was directed to a grueling summer training program where he could quickly learn the basics. Surprisingly, he ran into someone unexpected: his dear acquaintance Helios.

During the summer, they reconnected, and learned much more about each other. Rhodes learns that the other is there at both of his fathers requests, stating that they thought it would be a good experience for him even if the huntsman life didn’t interest him. But, he begins to reconsider it. He also learns that his full name is Helios Horakhty-Surya, and is the child of two legendary huntsmen known for The Great Destroyers of Grimm from their exploits in their heyday. Helios learns that Rhodes has had it pretty rough, and promises to make sure that won’t happen again.

After the summer, they both successfully enter Beacon and officially join together as partners, in both senses of the word. There, Helios discovers his semblance: Epigeios Ilios. He can ignite his body to burst into flames, and shine so bright as to temporarily blind. The solar teen doesn’t say that he feels like bursting into flames whenever their hands touch, though it almost happens a few times. Rhode’s rare smiles are so bright he feels as if he must avert his gaze. Though, he never does. If he does indeed go blind, he knows he will be content with it being the last thing he sees. Rhodes feels much the same.

Rhodes discovers his semblance in a school-wide tournament. It is them two against another duo. All of their auras are low, and no one has yet to land a decisive hit. Rhodes notices that Helios might soon fall to his bladed opponent, and he won’t let that happen. Out of dust, he opts to toss his mace at his opponent. The maces connect, sending the bare fisted teen flying back, his aura broken.

As he rushes, weaponless, to his partner, he figures he can take a hit and give Helios an opening. He is confident that they will win, but that evaporates when he sees his love’s aura dissipate. The opponent is too caught up in their combo to stop, and fear overtook Rhodes. He threw himself in between Helios and the blade. He expected his aura to break, but was met with the sound of metal hitting metal. He could feel the vibration of the ringing travel through his arm.

Stunned, the opponent tripped over his feet and fell backwards. Rhodes quickly reacted, and took advantage of the situation, delivering a heavy fist to his opponents face, breaking her aura and winning the match. Concerned, he rushed over to check on his lover to make sure he was alright.

Helios knew Rhodes would be there for him, and was more interested in his boyfriend’s newly unlocked semblance and the fact that they had won the match. Rhodes laughed. What else would he expect from his boyfriend? Advancing to the next round meant they could fight alongside one another again. As long as they were side by side, nothing else really mattered.

-

They both enjoy their travels together across Remnant, slaying Grimm and helping others. It is a fine way to live in their eyes. They are happy together and help others be happy. What more could they want?

Eventually, their travels bring them to the almost inhospitable Atlas. Rhodes makes a mental note to visit more though. It gives him a good reason to cuddle with his hot boyfriend more than usual. There, he runs into an old friend. Rhodes was glad that Ace had become so successful and joyous in life. At the age of 27, Ace Opus was a Specialist who shone far above the rest, was married, and had a budding side career as a children’s fabulist, of all things.

They went on a double date down in Mantle, and enjoy a fresh, crisp night. As they are in the bar, Ace and Rhodes hear something on the TV that catches their attention; a scorpion faunus, convicted of numerous murders over the course of the past 12 years, had escaped while en route to his prison stay until his execution. It is no coincidence. His eyes are the same glowing yellow, like that of a Grimm.

They could hardly believe he was even still alive. But, there he was, still on the run, still killing, but still alive. Perhaps he was living a fate worse than death; a life without true freedom.

-

For many years, Rhodes had lived without Helios. Once they met again at the training camp, he couldn’t imagine a life without him. But, then comes a day where he doesn’t need to imagine it. He lives the nightmare he could never imagine. It should have been another routine Grimm clearing mission. It began like the others had, isolate the Grimm, make sure civilians were safe, etc. It was all the standard fare, until all the Grimm were slaughtered.

A lunatic who shook the earth, and rambled about his queen and how silver eyes were a nuisance to her, appeared unto them and felled the earthly vessel of the Sun. His lover then felled the earth-shaker in an act of furious revenge, destroying an evil unto the world.

Rhodes Horakhty-Surya, a man who only had one great weakness, had lost one great weakness. Rhodes Horakhty-Surya, a man who derived so much strength from the one he so dearly loved, had lost so much strength.

The cold metal colossus cried, for he would never feel the calming warmth of his Sun again.

-

Still, he continued to travel and kill Grimm across Remnant. It is what his love would have wanted him to do, and all he really knew what to do now. He had a pair of swords made in memory of Helios that would aid him in his destruction of the evil darkness.

Eventually, his travels bring him back to Atlas. He arrives late at night, and very few places are unwilling to book someone without a reservation. He settles on a hotel in the lower end of Atlas, which is still leagues better off than even the richest of Mantle. He laments it, but knows it is nothing he can change. Over the years, he’s gained a bit of a reputation himself, and attracts a few fans now and then.

While he’s waiting for his room to be prepared, he entertains a few people in the lobby with the swords he is always enthusiastic to show off. In the corner of his eyes, he notes a young girl eyeing them. He feels that she is in a situation he is familiar with. It all but confirmed when she trips and falls, and her “mother” cruelly berates her.

Later, when one of the swords goes missing, he had a feeling he knew who took them. He searched in the recesses of the hotel, where the owner was unlikely to ever go, where the girl would surely find refuge. His old memories prove useful, and he finds the girl who was “adopted” in a storage room. How sad it is that such a practice continues, but he knows it is a system he cannot stop.

He knows he can give her a shot at freedom, and that she can't find freedom in running away or hurting them. An academy is her best bet, and he takes it upon himself to train her. Only seven years, and she can be truly free, not bound to any cruel people. He only wishes it could be sooner.

He also knows he can’t stay with her forever in the hotel. It is another source of lamentation. Still, he wants to help her as much as he can and ends up crashing at Ace’s place frequently and taking nearby jobs from the military just so he can have an excuse to frequent a place he would otherwise never frequent.

There is something in her that reminds him of his Sun. Over the years, he sees that she is much different from him. However, seeing her happy makes him happy. She is like Helios in that regard. There is also a fire in her, a resolve he had seen in his love in their early years at Beacon.

She doesn’t talk much about her adopted mother or sisters. He doesn’t blame her. He still has trouble talking about his past. But, he assures her she can tell him whatever she wants, and that he will listen. Still, she focuses on training more than anything.

He tells her stories of his past, of slaying Grimm, and of the many beautiful places he visited. She said she would like to visit the deserts of Vacuo, since it seemed nice and warm. He softly chuckled. He just so happened to like Vacuo too. The sand felt good on his skin.

However, he never mentions Helios, or the one he killed. He never told anyone that he killed the earth-shaker. He still feared what would happen to him if anyone found out, even if it was self-defense and an act of revenge.

-

“I don’t have to run now.”

“That’s all you’ll ever do.”

He regrets that he failed her, that this world failed her. Now, he knows he must uphold the rules of this world, and capture this young killer. He wonders where he went wrong. He had done all the things he thought he should, things that were said to be good. Yet, he is, fighting the little girl he cares for more than anyone. What did I do wrong?

As he fights her, he tries to not hurt her severely. He doesn’t want to hurt her. But, he sees that he taught her well, and finds that she has both of the swords. She burns him, with her searing flames, much like he once did on accident. But, she is ferocious, almost feral. She is desperate. His experience triumphs, and he knocks her out. He drops his weapons and rushes over to her, hoping she isn’t too hurt.

For all weakness, there is strength, and for all strength, there is weakness. This new strength was not the kind that would save him. This new weakness was the kind that could end him, and it did.

Two swords through his abdomen, and he knows his end is soon. Still, he is glad that she will be the last thing he sees. He sees that he had done so many things wrong. All the signs were there, and yet… he ignored them, in favor of being able to ignore his own sad past. All he was ever doing was running. This little girl was not running like he was. There is more to this world than a singular ideal of freedom, an ideal he bound himself to. He understands that now.

He places a hand on the girl, and tries to smile one last time. She is not someone who will be forever running away at least. For that, he is thankful. He only hopes that she can still live a good life, some way, somehow. He doesn’t think she will, but he still hopes so.

She yanks out the swords, and he falls to the ground. As his vision begins to blur, and life loosens its grip on him, he holds nothing against Cinder. From the moment they met, this fate was inevitable. Fate was a concept she loved to talk to him about. Even as his vision fades, the moon behind Cinder shines brighter and brighter, like that of the Sun.

[lilietsblog]

a scattering of extremely specific headcanons about the early life of Franziska von Karma

this is just an assortment of things that don’t really matter and probably won’t even make it into any fic I ever write in full but I have them so here we are

@ace-attorney-headcanons @linda-ravstar @nadiestar @ everyone else i want to see this but cant remember immediately (and count on hopefully seeing this anyway)

at age 13 Franziska von Karma passes the bar and becomes a prosecutor

at that point, she’s been living at a boarding school for a while (for 3 years as a continuation of my other headcanons but thats not the point)

she is not however following the school program, even if she sits in class shes far ahead of her grade and has a set of teachers/tutors/mentors that managed to get her that far

one of them is a rhetorics teacher who got Franziska from nearly completely nonverbal to ready to stand in court in just a few years (this did not take away Franziska’s problems with talking completely but it made her at least capable of using words as a tool in her life)

when she becomes a prosecutor, it’s not near the school but in the area where her father had been prosecuting for the last while and convinced people to take her, aka near in the place where the Von Karma Mansion is at

of course at this point Manfred and Miles are prosecuting back in Japan already so Franziska is kind of on her own

(it’s kind of funny, when I think about the second trilogy I picture it in the States but when I think about the first trilogy I 100% picture it in Japan, even though I picture both being in the same place. It doesn’t really matter though)

this is about the point at which it starts to dawn on Franziska that it doesn’t actually matter what she does, her papa doesn’t care and never did and never will

she’s a smart kid, and her law-centered education includes things such as the definition and varieties of abuse, and she’s known on a certain level for quite some time

it’s just one of those things that are really easy to ignore when you’re not thinking about them, especially when you’re a traumatized tween whose brain fragmentizes thoughts and memories so as to keep the necessary for survival attachment to the parental figure

but she has a job now, and is an adult in her own right, even if she really shouldn’t be yet, and some things are becoming steadily more impossible to ignore

she kind of hates Miles but also really doesn’t, and is maybe sinking into depression a bit but she’s too busy to really notice

the mansion is too big to live in on her own, and it doesn’t feel like home, and the accountant her papa hired for her confirms that she absolutely can afford to rent a small studio apartment closer to her job

the scratched, half-broken, overstuffed blue couch in front of the old not-even-flatscreen tv feels more like the lap of luxury than Franziska’s expensive room filled with expensive things ever has

she eats ice-cream from a tub and watches Steel Samurai on DVD from midnight to 2am, and she doesn’t even really like the cartoon, but she knows what Miles has said or would say about every single character or plot development and it feels more like home than anything else in her life

she wakes up in the morning when the driver papa hired for her lets himself in with the keys she gave him for that purpose and wakes her up, and then sits in the kitchen area and drinks tea with his face politely to the wall while Franziska gets up and goes to wash up and get dressed in the bathroom right behind him, too thirteen and too sleepy to be embarrassed by his presence

he takes her to work and buys her pastries and coffee on the way, and maybe she’s too young for it but who’s he to say what she can and cannot do? there’s a coffee vending machine in the office anyway

most people aren’t Manfred von Karma, so 13 and then 14 year old Franziska isn’t initially left to handle cases on her own. she’s unofficially assigned to an older prosecutor who handles both her cases and his own in all but the courtroom, in exchange for her being his errand girl and assistant for the more boring parts (Franziska is very good at the boring parts)

in the evenings when she comes home she’s busy: she still has to finish the high school program, and then she moves on to a remote college degree

at first she still has time for horses on weekends, but she keeps overstuffing her time, more out of habit than anything, and soon she just has time for horse magazines and books on veterinary medicine

when she remembers this time later, what she has to say is ‘it wasn’t too bad, i guess. i got by’

she can eat all the ice cream she wants, as long as she’s willing to live with the stomach-ache after; this isn’t really the first time she learns about consequences of her actions, but it makes for a nice lighthearted milestone to remember later

her mentor is a better person and a better prosecutor than Manfred von Karma ever was, so he teaches Franziska some better investigating habits without ever realizing she ever had any different. Franziska knows how to be quiet and listen; when she was a child, this was the skill she needed most

she gets her first victories in court on simpler cases that her mentor allows her to handle on her own; on more complex ones she stands as his assistant

then he gets sick and goes to the hospital for a while, because he’s not a young man, and Franziska has to handle her cases on her own now

she does pretty well, better than expected in fact - this would be a crack she’d be falling into, her mentor thinks as he’s helpless to do anything to support her from the hospital bed, but to everyone’s surprise she’s actually alright. she can stand on her own. anyone who doesn’t care to pay attention and thinks that ‘the prosecutor is a fourteen year old girl’ is a beginning of a joke quickly and painfully learns different

this brings her first big case. it’s a serial murder case, and everyone thinks a little girl shouldn’t even be on the crime scene, let alone direct the investigation, and yet

she solves then wins the case

even when her mentor comes back, she now handles her cases on her own, even if she still occasionally comes to him for advice

he misses her; she handled more of his routine than he realized

she has her own routine to handle now, and she finishes her education and just gets more and more consumed by the job, especially as she hears of Miles’ successes

she knows vaguely that what she is doing is different from what her papa taught her, but he doesn’t care so she doesn’t either

she keeps winning, and that’s all that matters. she doesn’t want to think about it

she passes her 15th birthday, then her 16th, then her 17th, and then

[drink-n-watch]

It’s good writing not to just give away the punch line right from the start. I’ve tried to become a better blogger by reading a number of writing guides and essays for post format. They suggest vague titles that give you a good idea of the content but don’t give away too much. Your posts are supposed to build up to something then end on a punch. You want to give your readers a reason to keep on reading so the payoff has to come at the end.

Don’t just show your hand right off the bat. And all I have to say about My Ill Deeds Are the Work of God (the episode’s title in case you’re confused), is dayum….

I never learn

As has been pointed out by astute readers, so far I have had a marked weak sport for the episode arcs of Bungo Stray Dogs which are based on Light Novels rather than the manga proper. It’s not that I don’t like the main storyline, I obviously do, but the mini arcs have been more satisfying for me, so far. This is why I wanted that opener to last as long as possible. Nevertheless, I was looking forward to the main action of this season.

Not that many of you read these reviews, and I assume less bother to go through the comments, but those who have know that I was eagerly looking forward to Dostoyevsky’s grand entrance. This is not just some national kinship between russians and surprisingly it’s not entirely due to my appreciation of the character design either. Rather it has to do with the myriad of connections between Bungo Stray Dogs’ narrative and the real world counterparts of the characters.

I have no clue who Ace is suppose to be

This anime has led me down a rabbit hole of classical literature and authors biographies like no other. I thought for a while of creating a post entirely on the subject but instead, I’m going to pepper the easter eggs I particularly like in my reviews, whenever pertinent. And the reason I was looking forward to this season is because of the novel No Longer Human.

No longer Human is the name of Dazai’s ability. It is also the best known novel of the real world Osamu Dazai (although my favourite is Otogizōshi). In this book, which is widely acknowledged to be a lightly fictionalized autobiography, we follow the slow and seemingly inevitable decline of a young man called Ōba as he becomes increasingly disenchanted with people in general and himself in particular. Right before the last act, as Ōba seems to be slowly getting his life back together after a particularly dark period, he is visited by an old friend and bad influence that hammers the last nail in his coffin and sends him swan diving into oblivion.

appropriate and spoilery!

The scene that marks the final and ultimate turn for Ōba shows him and Horiki (said old friend) discussing Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. It is a pivotal moment in Ōba’s life and therefore Dazai’s, and Dostoevsky is a symbol of it.

Bringing the two together in the narrative of Bungo Stray Dogs was bound to be interesting as the story has been delightfully meticulous in integrating the real life events and works of the authors that serve as namesakes to the cast.

But we have not yet seen these two together. In fact, apart from a few brief glimpses (guest appearances really) of Mori and Koyo, all the characters in this episode were complete strangers to me. I had no connection or attachment to them, aside from my feelings for real world Dostoevsky, whose entire bibliography I had to read for school at one time or another. It was a simple establishing episode to introduce Fyodor’s character, ment as mostly informational. And I was mesmerised.

oh Karma…

I cared and feared for those people whose names I can’t tell you. I was a little nervous throughout those conversations. Ace, the Port Mafia executive vying to overthrow Mori was a decent enough bad guy, with an interesting design but an impractical power, while Karma (I had to look up his name) seemed like a promising conflicted villain. I can’t say that the characters themselves were all that special but something in the pacing and presentation made me constantly worry for them. Especially Karma.

And that something is Fyodor. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t exactly a one man show. Those two were fantastic foil that really brought out the potential of the character. But boy is Dostoevsky the antagonist I’ve been waiting for. He’s chilling and exhilarating at once. His presence is bound to revitalize this franchise. And his voice actor is tremendous. I don’t usually go for these lighter more sing songy voices but his delivery was spot on. How can such a pleasant tone be so scary? He might just be my favourite in the cast.

tell me more!

From the little we know he seems to be the disturbingly calm mastermind with a lighthearted attitude but deadly intent, type. That was a lot of words in a row. I do not know how to identify types properly. Basically, he falls into the exact same category as Dazai, Mori and to a lesser extent Ranpo. Maybe someday I’ll tell you about the real Dostoevsky he had quite a life, although nothing compared to those Japanese authors. Honestly, true to life biographies may have been more extravagant and difficult to believe than the show!

The other thing we know about Dostoevsky  is that he is ruthless. Much more than is usual for this series and that explosive ending caught me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting things to be quite that intense in the main story. Suffice it to say that this season has my full attention right now. And after getting a bit of a better look at Fyodor, as much s I do want to see the confrontation with Dazai, I really want to see him take on Mori. So far, that does seem to be the plan!

I have some news for you…

Besides that, we got ur first look at the min OP and EDs. hat OP sure was fancy with all the CG and stuff. I actually liked it even though I sounded snippy just there. I did notice someone that looks a bit like Natsume Soseki (we saw him with Oda in season 2). Soseki is possibly one of the best known classical Japanese novelists and I’m surprised he hasn’t been ore present in the series so far.

Speaking of Oda, we also see him in the ED. Not sure if it’s just an image for fans of the show or whether we’re actually going to see him a bit again this season. Either way, I was glad he isn’t forgotten. I do have a soft spot for the man.

All in all this was a powerful start to the third season and I can’t wait to see more. I hope you’re all enjoying it as much as I am. Let’s share this ride!

and I’m here for it!

Of course I took a ton of caps but this is actually a lot less than I thought I would have ended up with. Discipline!

Bungo Stray Dogs 3 – 4: Red Dawn It's good writing not to just give away the punch line right from the start. I've tried to become a better blogger by reading a number of writing guides and essays for post format.

[ikesenhell]

Shattered

You can find all other IkeSen works of mine here.

NOTE: This covers severe depression and alludes to suicidal thoughts. If this distresses you, I advise avoiding it. Your self care comes before a fic.

It’s a ritual now. Thursday, Friday, Saturday night, they all pile onto the couch in his bonus room that Shingen broke by being Shingen, and they play Mario Kart and drink entirely too many sodas until entirely too early in the morning. 

“Motherfucker,” she hisses between clenched teeth, hammering at the controller. “Who shot me with the blue shell?”

“We’ll never tell,” Sasuke answers, but Yukimura can’t hold down the grin and so he smiles, hoping she can’t see it. She does.

“Ass,” she snaps, and it’s with just as much competitive venom as he’s come to expect by now. “I’ll get you.”

“Get at me. I’ll still win.”

She wrinkles her nose and screws her mouth tight, and Yukimura rolls her eyes at her. Finishing first, he shoots her a smug smirk, and she responds by sticking her tongue out at him over Sasuke’s hunched shoulders, the fire of her eyes sparking and flashing. 

It’s Friday a month later, and she doesn’t come.

“Did you see her in first period today?” Yukimura asks Shingen, more concerned than he expected to be. “She sick or something?”

“Nah, she was there. Seemed kind of out of it, though.” Shingen shrugs. There’s a knock at the bonus room door and Sasuke emerges alone.

“She okay?” Yukimura asks before even greeting him, so unused to seeing his best friend without his best friend. Sasuke shrugs, noncommittal and quiet, and for once Yukimura is really annoyed at his tight lips.

“I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to discuss it,” he says lightly, and slips onto the couch. “Controller two, Shingen?”

They’re graduating, and something is off about her.

It has been for months. She started showing again not much later, but--but she’s not there, not present the way she used to be, the fire in her eyes guttered and flat. He isn’t even sure it’s her for a while. 

“Seriously,” he asks at lunch one day, frowning at her. “What’s wrong?”

“Yuki,” Sasuke chides, sharper than Yukimura has ever heard him, and the discussion falls flat on the table. 

He might be brash and impulsive and headstrong (and he knows it, Shingen and his mom and everyone else won’t let him forget it, god knows) but he’s not blind, and the way Kenshin is suddenly so damn thoughtful and Shingen is quiet and patient and Sasuke is so protective of her doesn’t escape him. It’s like a game the other three play, now. When she wears long sleeves one of them will shove it up with a commentary about it being too damn hot for that, fingertips lingering on wrists as if checking for something, and the flat, hollow disc of her eyes and her absence and the way she never gets up before noon anymore suddenly makes sense. 

He’s never felt so helpless in his life.

Sasuke gets accepted to a fancy school with a fantastic physics program about an hour away, which is small comfort, but at least he’s still within reaching distance. But she wound up at the same college as him and in the same degree, no less, Business, which she joked dully in class one day was, “About the same as just saying ‘I don’t know what I want’.”

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

He didn’t see a lot of her. She was in lecture as often as out if it, doing frustratingly well despite her absence, and Yukimura wondered for a bit if she was partying and playing hooky.

“No,” Sasuke answered, his voice clipped and sharp as if it had been an accusation and not a wonder. “She’s not.”

Yukimura paused. “I mean, should I be worried about her?”

Sasuke took way, way too long to answer that. “I don’t know.” 

In Sasuke-ese, that was as good as a yes.

She called him one night at two AM, and when he picked up the phone he knew something was wrong.

“I--” She sucked in one long, deep breath, and he blinked himself awake. “What are you doing?”

“Sleeping, dummy, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. Sorry. Go back to sleep.”

“Shut up.” He was getting his shorts on, struggling with them one-handed. “Where are you?”

“Um, the Compass.”

“Outside? Just chilling outside at two am? Jesus. Get inside the Commons and I’ll meet you there.”

She was wrapped in a chair, feet planted into the arm rest, when he arrived, and she looked like a dead woman walking. Yukimura sat heavily in the one across from her and scooted it in gracelessly, his knees nested against her hip.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Nothing.” She paused. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

A long pause and she stared at him with eyes he could only distantly remember being alive, imagining a spark of something that once existed there. “I don’t have the right to feel like this.” 

“Shut up, dummy.” He didn’t know what else to say. Why wasn’t Shingen here, with his quicksilver words, or Sasuke with his patience and kindness, or, hell, even Kenshin with his backwards charisma? Instead she was stuck with him, and he felt wholly unqualified. Shoving back the chair, he held out a stubborn hand. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” But she took it regardless, her hand dead weight in his and rising sluggishly.

“You need sleep and you aren’t going to do it in your dorm, clearly.”

Yukimura stuck a post-it note to his roommates bunk that read MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT THIS AND I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU and slipped into his bunk with her. She was rigid and tight at first, but Yukimura swallowed his pride and pulled her in against him, her back to his chest and his breath feathering her nape, and she rolled over to face him.

“Yuki,” she whispered, serious as the grave, “I want to die.”

“I mean,” he answered, dry as the desert and drowning in sand, “Okay, and all that, but we’re not going to let you go without a fight. None of us. Not Sasuke or Shingen or Kenshin or--”

Or me, me most of all, me above anyone else, and that realization hung so hard and heavy like an anvil in his chest that it crushed his lungs, and he gazed into her half-lit eyes like flat coins for the ferryman of the Styx, only one short. But he wasn’t good with words, so instead he pulled her in to his chest tight, his hands flat against the plane of her shoulders. It was the last crack in a dam. He felt her shudder and crumble and there came the sobs, hot and hard and huge against him, and she was soaking his shirt but he didn’t give a damn, not when it was the most emotion she’d shown in years. 

He skipped class the next day, too, and they went and got ice cream and drove out into the west. There the city melted behind them and the trees grew tall and at last, they were winding their way up a mountain road and into the stretch of hiking trails where phone service went dead.

“I think I’m going to fail Econ,” she commented at one point. 

“Fuck it.” Yukimura shrugged and offered her a bite of his half-eaten granola bar. “It’s just Econ.”

“Makes me feel like a failure.”

“Look, dummy,” he sighed, exasperated. “You’re acing Trig, and I’m failing so hard that I don’t know which way is up, and I’m trying. You’re only going to fail Econ cause you don’t show up, and you’ve got reasons. You’re brilliant.”

A ghost of a smile flitted over her lips and he considered that a victory. “Says the guy who calls me ‘Dummy’ all the time.”

“Yeah, well,” he grumbled, digging frantically for something he didn’t know how to say, “Being shitty to your friends is par for the course, right?”

They took a trail advertised as Easy but they both found taxing, and by the second time they were lapped by energetic hikers in their sixties, it became a private joke between them, silent laughter escaping her, and he saw a spark there in her eyes. Slow as turtles, they made it to the bottom by a massive waterfall, the broad rocks across the water slick with spray, and she grinned at him.

“I’m going to go across them and sit in the middle.”

“Ugh.” 

But he joined her anyway, and they were midway across before he slipped, his heel skidding off the rock and ow, his tailbone smacked hard against the stone before he crashed into the water, bobbing to the surface in time to see her practically collapse with laughter and lose her own footing, joining him. With a smug grin, he splashed at her. “Karma’s a bitch.”

She splashed him back. “So am I.”

No you’re not, he wanted to say, wanted to scream, wanted to whisper at her, you’re beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, in all your shattered and weak and strong and powerful and complicated ways, but it sounded too much like Shingen so he didn’t. Instead he lapped toward her, catching her waist hard against his, and kissed her drenched lips like it would keep her here. Shock slanted her lip sideways and for a moment he drew back, terrified that he’d made a mistake, but she smiled back at him, that flame sparking promisingly in her eyes. 

“Do that again,” she said.

“Dummy,” he growled, “I was going to.” And he did. 

He was lying if he ever said it was easy, so he didn’t. It broke his heart every time over the passing months that her eyes guttered and went out, steeped in shadow and twilight, but she was still there, it was still her, and he hugged and kissed and loved her like he had the words to fix it.

He didn’t. No one did. But that was fine, because it would pass like rain, no matter how long the storm, and the fire was back again.

“I’m sorry,” she said one time, her neck a shimmer in the sun and the dark, wild mark he’d left on the curve prominent. “That you have to take care of me so much. I’m sorry.” 

He rolled his eyes at her and took her hand, ticking off her fingers as if counting every year they’d been together since that day, one, two, three, four, five, and he snipped back at her, “Don’t say that, you dummy. I would have left a long time ago if you had a reason to be sorry.”

“I mean, sure, but you have to just take care of me so much sometimes.”

“Yeah, well,” he muttered, searching through the words, rifling through the pantry of his vocabulary and smashing things together that sounded stupid, “You loving me takes care of me, so I guess we’re even.”

And she sparked and flashed, her eyes not quite alive but her smile genuine nonetheless, and he lived for that smile sometimes just as much as she made herself live for his sometimes, and so he leaned in and kissed her hard and warm and tender. “Shut up and let’s go get dinner. What do you want?”

[bloojayoolie]

Alive, All Star, and Animals: ***NOT RESERVED AMAZING ALL STAR RILEY WILL BE KILLED SHORTLY AT NYCACC IN MANHATTAN, NY***FREE TRANSPORTATION TO 12 NE STATES!**** (I’m the adorable beige & white Akita/Husky mix in the video) “The bonds with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth will ever be.” - Konrad Lorenz I’M THE COOLEST MIX OF A DOG YOU WILL EVER SEE, I AM A DOGGY PLAYGROUP ALL STAR (I even like small dogs), I AM A TOTAL LAP DOG AND I ACED MY BEHAVIOR EVAL….BUT I GOT FRIGHTENED WHEN A STRANGER TRIED TO GIVE ME A BATH AT THE SHELTER AND FOR THAT I WILL DIE?! I had no idea trying to flee a bath was a killable offense. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to show any fear. The groomer even admitted it was their fault. I usually love baths! Baths/grooming can be stressful for animals - doesn’t the shelter understand that?! Instead they changed, perfect proven loving family pet Riley’s rating and kill listed him. Please be more understanding than the shelter is - UNIQUE Pointy-Eared, Strawberry Blonde RILEY is a polite playgroup All Star, awesome lap dog, gives hugs, is friendly, affectionate, playful - PRETTY DARN PERFECT. What more can you ask for?! Riley's owners decided to move to a no pets building so Riley finds himself abandoned after four years of love and devotion. Which is pretty insane because this boy is perfection. Please help him get out of this shelter alive. He is a total rockstar and any family would be lucky to have him!! ****NOT RESERVED THE PERFECT PACKAGE RILEY WILL BE KILLED SHORTLY AT NYCACC IN MANHATTAN, NY ***(Free transportation to 12 NE states for an approved adopter or foster) A volunteer writes: People are curious about their own ancestry as well as the one of their pets. I wonder who could be this boroughbred's forefathers? I love Riley's slanted clear eyes, his square face, pointed ears and strawberry blonde coat. He is so unique looking! Riley likes to be with people and tries to get as close as he can to his caretaker. He aims at being a good lapdog and even gives standing hugs. He gets excited with playtime and soothing words bring him back to a stand or a sit. Riley is a beautiful dog, one of a kind, a friendly family pooch who would love once again to be the man(woman) best friend. OWNER SURRENDER NOTES - BASIC INFORMATION: Riley is approximately a 4 year old male tan and white large mixed breed dog. Riley lived with previous owner for 4 years. Riley was surrendered because his owner was moving into a place that does not allow pets. He previously lived with five adults and one child. Riley is described as being friendly and playful with strangers. He is described as being excitable and likes to be pet. Riley previously lived with a 4 year old child. Riley is described as being friendly, affectionate, gentle and playful and allows to be pet. Riley has previously interacted with small dogs during his walks. Riley is described as being friendly and will approach small dogs to sniff them. He has never interacted with cats. Riley will growl if his food or bowl is touched while he is eating. He is not bothered when a toy is taken away from him and he will play tug. Riley has never bitten another animal or human. He is housetrained, his energy level is described as high. Other Notes: Riley is friendly when being bathed and also friendly when his coat is brushed. Riley is scared of getting his nails trimmed and will pull away hard. Riley is friendly with unfamiliar people who approach his owner. SHELTER ASSESSMENT - Date of assessment: 21-Feb-2019 Leash Walking - Strength and pulling: Moderate Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: None Sociability - Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Highly social Call over: Approaches readily Sociability comments: Stays by assessor, body soft, jumping up Handling - Soft handling: Seeks contact Exuberant handling: Seeks contact Comments: Body soft, leans into pets, shoulder rubbing, jumping up Arousal - Jog: Engages in play (loose) Arousal comments: None Knock - Knock: Approaches (loose) Knock Comments: None Toy - Toy: No response Toy comments: None FOSTERING IS FREE AND TEMPORARY AND WILL SAVE HIS LIFE! KARMA WILL REPAY YOU! TO SAVE SUPER FRIENDLY RILEY please CLICK ON VIDEO AND POST THERE OR MESSAGE THE Must Love Dogs - Saving NYC Dogs FB pg -https://ift.tt/2HxMjUn OR EMAIL US AT MUSTLOVEDOGSNYC@GMAIL.COM - . Death row dogs are out of time!. Killing starts anytime after 12:00pm ON 3/7 - THURSDAY!! More info on affectionate lap dog, Riley - https://ift.tt/2HiAHGL