#abi's poetry 🩰

[abitopiia]

it is nighttime.

i am me, she is she.

i am "friends" with her

she is also "friends" with me

we are in one bed

i lie on my side, she lies on hers, and we face each other and share secrets heard only by my four walls and the rustling trees

"sometimes," she says. "i wish you were a boy. or maybe me."

i ask her what she means. she tells me not to worry.

i know what she meant, and it makes my heart sink because i am not a boy and neither is she. we can't be the kind of "friend" we need each other to be

but sometimes we can be. when the moon hangs high and the breeze whispers promising words of what we could be.

if i was a boy.

or maybe she.

but she is she. and i am me.

and when the sun comes back, "friends" is all we are allowed to be.

[abitopiia]

lie to me

then lie to me again

whisper sweet nothings in my ear about how we could be more than friends

look me in the eyes and tell me you wish things could be different

that maybe, just maybe, we could've changed things before it all began

tell me i'm yours, in another life

not in body, but in spirit and in mind

you hold me close and i hold your hand in mine and maybe we could be intertwined

while you lie,

and lie.

and leave our nonexistent love to die.

[abitopiia]

you said the flames were too much even though you lit the matches

i coughed and cried as my lungs filled with smoke and ashes

my love was like a plane crash is, you said, as we lay side by side in your bed even though i offered to sleep on the floor instead

i loved you like a dog, and every time the door was closed you'd find scratches.

and when you opened it again i still gave you my barely beating heart although it was reduced to mere bloody, charred patches

i begged on my knees for you but you weren't there, so i talked to the moon about you. your smile. your hair.

i took the howling of the wind as a reply, deciding to take it as the night saying goodbye

but to you, i wasn't worth a goodbye at the door

but i can still give you my heart, burning

forevermore.