#aaron seeing that neil is good for andrew and would rather die than hurt andrew

[lizandreil]

neil and aaron will become friends later thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[meanie-boy-minyard]

TEEN IDLE by MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS (id say please but that's illegal in this Christian Minecraft server)

Tis illegal, you are correct lol, enjoy!

___________

Teen Idle by Marina and the Diamonds

Characters: Andrew Minyard, Aaron Minyard, Nicky Hemmick, Coach Wymack, the Foxes, Renee Walker, Betty Dobson, Kevin Day, Neil Josten

Trigger Warning(s): Mentions of abuse, depression, reference to possible self-harm, brief mentions of rape, mentions withdrawal

“I wanna be a bottle blonde,” 

Bottle blonde: Having light blond hair, appearing/is artificially lightened

“I don't know why but I feel conned, I wanna be an idle teen, I wish I hadn't been so clean”

He feels like life scammed him- and having that insight to Andrew, we can imagine why. Adding onto that, he was never a normal teenager. When he started getting abused from his different foster homes, he must have felt that he wished he hadn’t been so naive to fall into their traps or if he did fall into them, be able to get himself out of them. But, the abuse happened, and he couldn’t stop it. And after that, Andrew falls into depression.

“ I wanna stay inside all day, I want the world to go away”

His depression causes him to not want to interact with the world, or anyone around it, most likely in subconscious fear that they will hurt him too. 

“I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake, I wanna be a real fake”

Andrew loves his knives and his sweets. And ironic yet iconic match. The section I feel we should really look at and notice is the last part about being a real fake. Andrew, even though he does not like being lied to, lie everyday in a way. His blank face hides his emotions most of the time. Neil has said so before, that Andrew has gotten angry or had a darkness go over his eyes that only he notices. Keep in mind, Neil is very observant because he has to be.

“Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle, Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title, Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible, Feeling super, super, super suicidal”

In the books, we have obviously seen that Andrew did not have the most healthy methods. In fact, he even admitted in the books to be “self-destructive not stupid.” (That was Andrew, right? Was that even in the actual books? I’ve read way too much fan fiction to remember.)As for the bible part, we all know Andrew doesn't follow a religion. 

“The wasted years, the wasted youth, The pretty lies, the ugly truth, And the day has come where I have died”

Most of Andrew’s younger life was spent just surviving. Barley at that. When was told beautiful fairytales of this wonderful world but he got the crushing reality that not everyone gets a happily ever after. He might’ve in a way, already considered himself dead.

“Only to find, I've come alive”

Enter Aaron Minyard. Enter Nicky Hemmick. Enter Wymack. Enter the Foxes. Enter Renee Walker. Enter Betty Dobson. Enter Kevin Day. Enter Neil Josten.

All these things, even if he would never admit it out loud, gave him a reason to stay alive and keep going, be it through a promise or just by being there, and helping when they didn’t have to. Even if he hurt them, fought against them, even if they had to be pulled back by another. Andrew was given a reason to stay alive, and the opportunity to thrive.

“I wanna be a virgin pure, A twenty-first-century whore, I want back my virginity, So I can feel infinity”

Even though he was given a reason to keep going, there were still memories. Things were taken away from him without choice, without consent. Even if he doesn't actively think it 24/7, at least sometimes he had to of/does long to have been able to make that choice- like one should- by himself. He wants to be able to make that choice, make that sexual aspect of his life a personal choice rather than a boundary-  a plain full of landmines with the map drawn on his arms over, and over again.

“I wanna drink until I ache, I wanna make a big mistake, I want blood, guts, and angel cake”

He goes to Edens he drinks and cracker dust, but before that he goes to Sweeties which legit has the word “sweet” in the title. He has this anger stored inside him that he wants to release but he can’t just go and fight any random person so Renee is his fighting partner. The spar when either side needs to release that energy, it also gives a space for Andrew to just be able to talk in a different way he can with Bee. Renee doesn't have to be there and listen and respect, but she does.

“I'm gonna puke it anyway”

Withdrawls. Andrew went off his meds every game, when he went to Eden’s when he simply did not want to be doped up.

“Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle, Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title, Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible, Feeling super, super, super suicidal, The wasted years, the wasted youth”

“The pretty lies, the ugly truth”

“And the day has come where I have died, Only to find, I've come alive, Come alive, I've come alive”

Again, as said before, he felt lost- he was lost. Then he found his family, his friends, his partner, his therapist, his reason to stay alive and keep going and keep fighting. That's not to say there weren't any bumps in the road, everyone has their bad days, sure. But he kept going nonetheless.

“I wish I wasn't such a narcissist, I wish I didn't really kiss, The mirror when I'm on my own”

Andrew thinks about himself a lot. Not in a snobby way, but in the manner that he knows his boundaries and if you don’t respect them you may end up with a knife in your gut. 

“Oh God, I'm gonna die alone, Adolescence didn't make sense, A little loss of innocence, The ugliness of being a fool, Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?”

Andrew, before Neil came in and he got to know him, never thought he would find a partner. One that would respect his boundaries, that would look at Andrew and see ‘human’ and not ‘monster’. Someone that would not flinch

“Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle, Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title, Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible, Feeling super, super, super suicidal, The wasted years, the wasted youth, The pretty lies, the ugly truth”

Again, just a reminder that no matter how much progress Andrew has, sometimes the bad days win over the good ones. He was lied to, hurt, and abandoned.

“And the day has come where I have died, Only to find, I've come alive, Only to find, I've come alive, Only to find, I've come alive”

“All our lives”

He thought everything was hopeless, but then relief came. There were ups and downs, but for the first time in his life, Andrew Minyard was ready to finally, finally thrive in his existence.

“(Feeling super, super, super)

(Feeling super, super, super)

(Feeling super, super, super)

All our lives”

[meanwhileinsidemyhead]

You've read The Foxhole Court?!! The ANGST. The glorious ANGST in those books. I got way too excited when I saw you reblog something related to All For the Game. I adore that series. :))

OMG YES! I finished “The Foxhole Court” a couple of days ago, and now I’m almost done with “The Raven King.” Last night I was reading it on the train back home, and I almost missed my stop because I didn’t want to stop reading, LOL. This series is SO GOOD. Where-Have-You-Been-My-Entire-Life good. I think I will re-read it right away, as soon as I’m finished with the third book.

I am beyond happy that you’ve read it and loved it. I’ve been going crazy because I have so many feelings about it and nobody to talk to about them. I was planning on looking for active Tumblr fan accounts as soon as I was finished reading the third book, but this is SO much better because it’s YOU

I apologize for the incoherent ramble that will most certainly follow.

My favorite part is how they are (slowly! painfully slowly!) becoming a family. I was close to tears when they played their first game as a team rather than individuals. They still have a long way to go, but they are already so much closer than when Neil first got there.

I love them all so much. They are so complex, layered and real. Sometimes their actions/reactions seem extreme, but then I find out something about their past and suddenly it makes perfect sense. Like, when Andrew almost kills Nicky for flirting with Neil after Neil made it clear he wasn’t interested? It looked like an over-reaction. But then last night I found out that Andrew was abused and so of course he was going to react that way.

Neil breaks my heart with all his trust issues and his fear of getting close to people because he believes he’s going to lose them one way or another. He’s so guarded, but at the same time he longs for a family/home. His deep understanding of his teammates and their issues is heartbreaking to see. I also love how he hero-worships Kevin and, at the same time, finds him annoying, lol. (Which is why I thought they might get together.)

It took me a while to understand why Kevin is so cold and only seems to care about Exy but it makes so much sense now that I know his backstory. His perseverance and resilience are inspiring. He wouldn’t have survived all those years otherwise. I’m glad he got out, even though he had to pay too high a price.

Andrew. Oh, my. Every time I think Andrew’s past can’t get any worse, it does. WHY??! I want so badly for him and Aaron to be brothers, and for both of them to find peace/balance.

Nicky is simply too good for this world. After all he went through with his parents, when he finally found love and happiness, he left it all behind and came back to adopt his cousins so they wouldn’t have to stay with his awful parents??? And he’s so positive and upbeat all the time. Like, how?

Matt. MATT. I CAN’T WITH HIM. How dare he be so sweet and caring? Doesn’t he know I have a thing for tough guys who are actually sweethearts? I just want to hug him for a week, then wrap him in bubble wrap and protect him from every single bad thing in the world. Like, I didn’t care too much about Seth’s death. He didn’t deserve to die, but he was a homophobic jerk, so I wasn’t going to cry about him. But then I saw how much it affected Matt and just— AHHH! I physically need Matt to be safe and healthy and happy. If Riko or anyone else hurt him, I will find a way to bring hell down on them. I hope he’ll never have to see his father again. Who intentionally gets their kid addicted to drugs?!

The girls!!! Dan is such a badass and I love that she doesn’t hide from her past and doesn’t let anyone fight her own battles. She is a wonderful captain, too. No one else could take her place.

Renee… oh my, Renee might just be my favorite female character. I love love love her friendship with Andrew. She is all kinds of wonderful. I feel like from the beginning she’s the glue who holds the team together.

I hope to see more of Allison, too. I still don’t quite get how she fits in with them but I cannot wait to find out. The way she stepped up for her team so shortly after Seth’s death showed she’s much stronger than I initially gave her credit for.

Coach Wymack is a wonderful human being, and so are the nurse and the psychiatrist. They never give up on those kids and they always manage to find the right mix of tough love and understanding. They are so sensitive to everyone’s unique struggles and issues, and at the same time encourage them to become the best versions of themselves.

I love how the author shows that, given a chance and the right environment/support, these kids can overcome their pasts and be a million times better than anyone gives them credit for (and a billion times better than the people who hurt them!)

And then the ships! I knew from the beginning that there was a ship that would take a long time to develop/get together. At first, I thought it would be either Neil and Kevin, or Andrew and Kevin, but now I think it’s probably Andrew and Neil? I’m not 100% sure but it would make so much sense. I feel like Neil is the only one who can give Andrew a reason to live/be okay/stop his self-destructive behaviors, and Andrew is the only one who can stop Neil from running again. I still love the (complicated) relationships/friendships Kevin has with Neil and Andrew, though. (And I was shocked to learn that he has a girlfriend. I didn’t think he loved anything else besides Exy!)

Matt and Dan are wonderful together, of course, and I hope we’ll get to meet Nicky’s boyfriend Erik at some point.

Of course, I want them to win the championship and humiliate the Ravens. I hope Riko and coach Moriyama will pay for what they’ve done. Every other person who hurt my babies, too. Especially Matt’s and Nicky’s fathers. Such horrible human beings.

I’m gonna stop here because I’m afraid I’ve already gone overboard, LOL. And I realize now that since you read the books a while ago, you probably don’t remember every name and detail. Sorry!!