#aaron just stares in open-mouthed shock the first time it happens. neil is surprised but gleeful. andrew raises an eyebrow (approval).

[blue-jos10]

though the same colour, katelyn has a lighter shade of hair than neil

when andrew and aaron have an argument but katelyn agrees with neil, she dyes her hair neil’s shade and doesn’t say anything.

when andrew and aaron have an argument and neil agrees with aaron, he dyes his hair katelyn’s shade and doesn’t say anything.

it makes the twins violently mad and they make up in their own way under record time.

[knox-knocks]

This is my gift to @yeahboiislay​ / @bhenchod​ for the @aftgexchange ! I really hope you enjoy, i had so much fun with the prompts you gave!

Having the evening to themselves, Matt and Neil plan an awesome Boys' Night that consists of movies, a surplus amount of food, and maybe a bit too much alcohol. Everything starts of great, but when they wake up the next morning with no memories, no money, and no eyebrows, they try to retrace their steps to figure out what the hell happened last night and run into a few problems. 

~ ~

“Neeeeeeeiiiiiiil," Matt sings as he sails through the door to the suite, arms laden with a mountain of food. He grins at Neil and drops the snacks – seven different boxes of candy, two large bags of M&Ms, a six pack of soda, a bowl of popcorn, and a rather large bottle of rum – onto the table where they skitter to the sides and would have fallen if Neil hadn’t caught them in time. “Are you ready?”

Neil bounces around his friend, cradling one of the bags of M&Ms to his chest. He raises it above his head in triumphant glory at not letting it fall to the floor and meets Matt’s full-wattage smile with one of his own. Despite his hesitation at the amount of junk food and alcohol Matt had proposed for tonight, he could feel a current of excitement coursing through him. “I’m ready,” he declares.

“Do you mind?”

Neil’s attention is pulled to the couch, where an irate Aaron is stationed. He looks a little rumbled with his glasses askew on his nose and at least three different textbooks spread out on the coffee table in front of him. He frowns at the pair. “Not that I care, but what are you two yahoos up to anyway?”

“Boys’ night!” Matt and Neil answer in unison. They share an uncoordinated fist bump, difficult because Matt is a foot taller and Neil is still holding the bag of M&Ms over his head.

“Dan and the girls are doing their own thing and Nicky has a skype date with Erik,” Matt explains.

“And Andrew and Kevin are in Michigan trying to recruit more players for next year,” Neil adds, eyeing the precariously leaning tower of food behind Matt.

“You can join us if you’d like,” Matt says before Neil can protest. Neil shoots him a look just as the pile of snacks topples over and Matt dives for it, successfully avoiding Neil’s scornful expression.

“No thanks,” Aaron says. He regards the snacks and Matt trying to push them back into order with more than a little disdain. “I’ll just go to Katelyn’s. Don’t make too much of a mess, and have fun I guess.”

The bottle of rum rolls past Neil’s feet in a haphazard escape, and Matt darts after it on his hands and knees.

“We’re just gonna watch some movies and eat junk food,” Neil says. “How big of a mess can we make?”

_ _

Neil wakes some indeterminable time later with the worst headache he’s ever had in his entire life. His first thought as he comes slowly back to awareness is

ow, fuck

, and the second is

why is the ceiling so close to my face?

He blinks blearily at the too-close ceiling and wills the pain throbbing in his temples to go away. When his vision clears and Neil feels like he can move without keeling over, he realizes that’s he’s not staring at the ceiling at all, but at the underside of the coffee table in Matt’s suite.

Neil groans, clutching his head, and wiggles out from under the table. One of his shoes is missing, but it’s probably the least of Neil’s problems, because the room is an utter disaster.

It looks like a warzone, popcorn strewn across the room and smashed into the carpet, and a section near the television has a suspicious and atrociously orange stain that is half-heartedly covered by a couch cushion that does not belong to anyone Neil knows. Neil gapes at the carnage for one, stunned second and fumbles for the TV remote to turn it off, powering it down in the middle of an informercial about a magic towel that can clean any mess that inexplicably seems to be playing on repeat.

Silence rings in Neil’s ears, blotted out only by the blood rushing to his head. He briefly wonders what the hell happened last night, but trying to think back makes his head hurt worse, so he decides to go seek out Matt. Neil doubts Matt is in any better shape that Neil is, but maybe he remembers a bit of what they did to get in this situation.

The person he finds passed out in the kitchen is not Matt at all. For one, they are about six inches too short and their skin is three shades too pale. Secondly, they are dressed in nothing but shorts and the grinning head of Palmetto’s mascot, Foxy Roxy. Neil blinks in surprise at the half-naked stranger slumped on the floor before making sure they’re still breathing. When Neil is satisfied that he didn’t accidentally stumble across a body, he continues his search for Matt.

Neil finds him face-down on the floor behind the couch, snoring soundly and cradling a bottle of vodka, dyed an electric shade of orange. That, Neil supposes, would explain the stain by the TV. At least Matt is mostly dressed.

“Matt,” Neil hisses and nudges him lightly in the ribs. When he doesn’t stir, he kicks him a little harder. “Wake up,”

“Allison leave those gnomes alone,” Matt mutters incoherently. He turns over in his sleep and the vodka rolls away from him. Arms now empty, Matt wraps his arms around himself and hugs his chest. Neil isn’t paying attention to any of that though, his eyes are glued to Matt’s face, still slack with sleep.

Mostly, he looks normal. Except he doesn’t have any eyebrows, and what looks to be a single fake mustache from Party City is clinging for dear life where his left brow should be.

Neil presses a hand to his mouth, not sure whether the look on his face is one of horror and shock, or of laughter. He kicks Matt again.

“Ow, fuck,” Matt groans and opens his eyes. He says nothing at first, squinting up at Neil with a look that says he has the worst hangover ever. Then his eyes widen and his mouth falls open into a comical little o.

“Neil,” he says, hushed. “Your face.”

Neil’s hands fly to his face, scared of what he might find, but instead of the eyebrow’s he expects, his fingers meet smooth, freshly shaved skin.

“No,” he whispers.

Matt cackles, still staring at the unfortunate lack of facial hair on Neil’s face.

“Don’t laugh,” gripes Neil, covering the place where his eyebrows used to be with his hands. “Yours are gone too.”

The humor drains out of Matt’s face and he gasps, clutching his forehead. His clumsy hands dislodge the fake mustache and he watches it flutter to the floor with something like horror on his face. “No,” he mourns, picking it up and cradling it in his hands.

“What the hell happened?” Neil demands.

Matt is still staring at the faux-facial hair, mouth opening and closing in shock. Neil grabs his face and forces him to focus. “Matty,” he says, “we’re in deep shit.”

“The last thing I remember is walking to the liquor store for more alcohol,” Matt says, coming back to his senses. “This was before…” Matt spots the guy passed out in the kitchen. His eyebrows would have furrowed in confusion if he still had any. “That,” he says. “But after we had a popcorn fight.”

“I don’t remember any of that,” Neil admits. “Hang on, where’s my phone?”

“Why?” Matt asks. “You never use your phone.”

“Unless I’m drunk.” Neil ducks his head under the couch, looking for anything that looks vaguely like his outdated cellphone. He only finds more popcorn. He gives up his search when he swipes his hand along the kitchen counter and it comes away sticky.

“Maybe you left it outside?” Matt suggests. “I think you tried to call Andrew right before we came back in.”

“Great,” Neil says. He makes for the door, but Matt’s arm shooting out in front of him stop him in his tracks.

“We can’t go out like this,” he says, motioning to his face. He casts his gaze around the destruction in the room and his eyes light up when they fall on the coffee table. He lunges, knocking various bottles of soda and a sock away in his haste to get whatever it is he’s scrounging for.

He holds it up for Neil to inspect. It’s the remaining fake mustaches, tucked safely inside a plastic packet that is indeed from Party City.

“This could work?” he says. He glances from the mustaches to Neil, considering. He hold it up to Neil’s face. “I think this might actually be your shade.”

“I’m not putting that on my face,” Neil says, nonplussed and at awe that Matt would suggest such a thing.

“Go and be eyebrow-less then,” Matt sniffs. “Release your inhibitions.”

Scowling, Neil snatches the mustaches from his hands and fishes out them out. He shakes them out on to his hand. Two fall out, only enough for one.

There’s a beat of silence. Matt and Neil look at each other, and then at the fake mustaches.

“You can – ” Neil starts but Matt interrupts.

“No, no. You take them, buddy,” he says tearfully. He takes the mustaches from Neil and peels the paper off the sticky backing and carefully presses each one into their proper places.

They stare at each other for a long moment; Matt, eyebrow-less. Neil, clinging onto the last vestiges of his dignity. Matt is the one to break the silence.

“Neil,” he says, “you’re going to need to put your shoes on.”

After Neil locates his other shoe and he and Matt leave to find Neil’s phone, their search is interrupted by a large man angrily shouting in their direction. He storms over, red-faced and spitting out a stream of explicatives that would have any southerner clutching their pearls.

“Is he talking to us?” Matt asks. He’s still quite hungover; a pair of sunglasses shades his eyes from the afternoon sun and he wipes away the damp sheen of sweat clinging to his forehead with the back of his hand.

Neil, equally as hungover, squints at the man approaching. Upon further inspection, Neil recognizes him as the pitcher from Palmetto’s baseball team, Ricky Mercado. As far as Neil knows, they have never interacted.

“Nah,” he says. “He must be after someone else.”

“Neil Josten!” Ricky screams and too late Neil notices that he and Matt are the only other people in sight.

“Oh shit,” Neil says.

“What did you do?” Matt whispers, voice pitched furiously low.

“You better watch it, Josten,” Ricky says, close enough that Neil can see how truly mad he is. He reminds Neil of a bull, nostrils flaring, eyes wide enough to see the ring of white around the iris. Ready to charge. “I’ll fuck you up.”

Neil’s eyes narrow. Ricky is a lot taller than Neil and sure, he’s muscular, but Neil has survived all attempts on his life thus far in his twenty-year old life and he is not about to get taken out by some dumb baseball player who isn’t good enough to play the most important sport in the world, exy.

Slowed by the hangover, his brain doesn’t catch up to his mouth before he shoots back, “I’d like to see you try.”

Ricky seethes, and for a moment he does look like he’s about to charge. Neil braces himself but Matt scoops him up and throws him over his shoulder before Ricky can take even a step closer.

“No he would not!” says Matt over his shoulder as he books it back to the safety of Fox Tower.

Or, it would be safety if Ricky Mercado wasn’t a baseball player, and therefore didn’t have access to the building Matt was currently seeking for refuge. He stayed on their tail, shouting, gesticulating wildly, and occasionally throwing in some uncreative death threats. Neil has heard better and more convincing.

Actually, Neil thought Ricky might be acting out whatever Neil had done to piss him off, but Neil was either too hungover or Ricky too bad an actor for him to really understand what had happened.

They make it back in the building and up the stairs still intact, and soon enough they return to Matt’s suite. The mess is still there, the half-dressed mascot is not, and a new figure stands in the kitchen, surveying the damage. There’s a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and he looks rumpled in the way that spending a few hours on a plane would do to a person. He turns around, face unimpressed and arms folded across his chest.

“Andrew,” Neil says the same moment Matt sags with relief and whispers, “thank God.”

“Boyd,” Andrew acknowledges him. “Why are you carrying Neil over your shoulder?”

“Your boyfriend.” Matt jostles Neil as he says this and Neil wiggles until Matt lets him down. “Almost got us killed. He pissed off one of the baseball players and now he’s hunting us down. Please save us.”

As if on cue, there’s a loud banging on the door and Neil thanks whatever deity above that Matt had thought to lock the door. The person on the other side yells in frustration and begins to slam against the door. Neil is starting to think Andrew had a point when he said Neil has a way of making people want to kill him.

“Hmm,” Andrew says noncommittally and looks around Matt to where Neil is attempting to hide behind his large body, covering his forehead so Andrew doesn’t see the fake eyebrows. Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a familiar gray cell phone.

“Oh!” Matt exclaims. “Where did you find it?”

“Nicky. He said he confiscated it last night,” Andrew says, eyes never straying from Neil’s face.

“We got a little drunk last night,” Neil admits, inching toward the door. He thinks death by angry baseball player is preferable to Andrew seeing what he had done to his face.

“That explains these,” says Andrew. He tossed the phone to Neil, opened up to their thread of messages.

It starts off normal, but at around midnight, Neil sent a video of himself dancing on the coffee table while someone off-screen throws popcorn at him. It’s far from what Neil thinks a person drunkenly dancing on the table should look like. The lighting is bad and so is Neil’s dancing, arms thrown in every which way and hips doing a little too much. It appears he’s attempting the macarena with a few added steps.

The second message is from an hour later and reads, would yoi still loveme if I ddni’t have eyebrows :(

So the jig is up.

Neil cringes and drops his hands. Andrew, privileged to have eyebrows fully intact, raises them at the sight of the ginger mustaches stuck to Neil’s face, and reaches up to peel them off. Neil thinks he sees a flash of amusement in his eyes before Andrew lets the mustaches drop to the floor. Neil is too embarrassed to say anything, but Andrew doesn’t notice. He looks around the room before grabbing a disemboweled lamp and weighing it in his hand.

“Get this mess cleaned up,” he says. “I’ll be right back.”

Then he leaves, and Matt and Neil stare after him.

“Is he going to – ” Matt starts but Neil interrupts.

“Not important,” he says, waving his hand to get Matt’s attention. “We need trash bags and a vacuum cleaner.”

“And the will of God,” Matt nods as he begins to pick up cans and boxes of candy from the floor.

It takes an hour, three large black trash bags, and some duct tape to get the mess cleaned up. By now Andrew has returned, and is idly watching them from his perch on the arm of the couch. He offers no help, instead he slowly and methodically eats through a pint of ice cream, digging out the chunks of chocolate to eat first. When asked, he does not explain what he did with the lamp.

“You missed a spot,” he says and points to the large orange stain on the carpet with his spoon.

Matt pushes the entertainment center three feet to the right, where it covers the majority of the orange carpet. “No we didn’t,” he replies.

When they’re finished, Matt collapses at the kitchen table over a bowl of cereal and begins to snore. Neil wanders over to Andrew, head ducked to his chest and hood pulled over his eyes. Andrew pulls the hood down, eyes trailing up to the empty spaces where Neil’s eyebrows had been just last night.

“Do you think I can draw them on?” Neil asks. He’s seen Allison touch up her eyebrows with a brow pencil, so he should be able to draw in what he was missing, right?

Andrew huffs and curls his fingers in the collar of Neil’s hoodie. “Idiot,” he says softly, and presses a kiss to Neil’s forehead. Neil melts into his embrace, relieved that the whole fiasco is finally over and he can relax in Andrew’s arms with Andrew’s lips pressed against his.

“I hope you didn’t throw those mustaches away,” Andrew says once he pulls away, and Neil laughs.

“Too late,” he says and decides that he’s never drinking that much alcohol ever again.

[bekaraar]

Musicians AU for the AFTG Bingo

Relationships: Kandreil, Kandrew, Kevineil, Andreil

Words: 3631

Warning: past character death

Read on Ao3 here

tea leaves in a guitar

Neil had always wanted to come here. This was Rishikesh in the flesh, majestic Himalayas and the flowing Ganga (Ganges). He took a moment to actually take it all in and made his way to his rented car, contemplating how to thank Stuart for this trip.

Neil knew he wasn’t an easy person to convince. He got it from his mother, so it said something about Stuart’s side of the genes when he managed to convince him to take this trip. It had started with a YouTube video of him playing the keyboard and singing at a shady bar that had gone viral, effectively shutting down any chances he had of continuing to work undercover for the Hartfords. So, he’d agreed, seeing his uncle’s point for letting the hype about the video die down. His uncle had also made the point about the music of Rishikesh and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t what actually convinced him to go.

And as he looked at the road winding up the steep mountain, he finally understood what exactly made the Beatles come here.

Kevin Day wanted to form a band for a very long time. He had always been in one, but it was never his band per se. It was Riko’s or the Moriyama’s. Never his. For once in his life, Kevin wanted a band that was his.

That had been until he met Andrew Minyard, drugged to the deepest depths of hell (because somehow the word ‘high’ never really seemed to fit. The drugs dragged one down). It was rocky at first, but he got through to him.

It was using something Riko always said.

Everyone wants something.

So, he found out what Andrew want (a reason to live) and instead of taking advantage of him for that, he had worked to giving him that. And along the way, they may have realized they meant more to each other than wanted to admit, and it had taken three attempts and stilted half conversations before Kevin just decided to kiss Andrew (after asking for his explicit permission, of course). It had speeded things up considerably.

They just needed one more person. And Rishikesh was the place he intended to find one.

*

Determination, Andrew mused, was a good look on Kevin. He looked regal, as he walked into the hotel. Kevin Day had a purpose, and he would not leave without fulfilling it.

Andrew could do this now, the open stares and layered glances. It was allowed, without repercussions, because Kevin was his own person now, and wanted to come out. Andrew knew better that everyone how taxing a secret could be.

He had kept his end of the deal and Kevin had kept his. He had made that fact explicitly clear to Kevin after his first week sober. He had let him know that their this, was his purpose now, even though the drums couldn’t be for him what the guitar was for Kevin.

Kevin had just looked at him with a watery smile and said, “I know.”

So, here he was, with his boyfriend (it still gave him a thrill, even after a year), on the hunt for a musician, while also relaxing and teaching. He couldn’t say he hated the idea of it, but he didn’t particularly like the details either.

Nothing good comes without the bad, anyway.

He took a deep breath and followed Kevin into the ashram.

This, he thought, was trust.

*

Neil walked into the ashram, and almost immediately wanted to walk out. It wasn’t like he didn't expect something to go wrong, but this was still hilariously unexpected. Just the kind of joke the universe liked to play on him. So, he took a deep breath and walked in.

It is a small place, with something akin to a middle range hotel rooms on the top floor. The floor downstairs is for common meals, shows, and socialization and chai.

He takes comfort in the familiar lettering of Hindi on the board. India had been one of the best trips in his memory, having grown up here for a certain time.

He used it to distract himself from what he knew he was avoiding: the fact that Kevin fucking Day was here.

If the universe wanted anything to happen, it would make it.

He took comfort in the small things.

Neil made his way up to his room and surveyed it.

It had been years since he’d had such an attachment to his bag, but something in him prickled all the same at leaving it unsupervised.

He swallowed his inhibitions and left his bag in the room, making his way downstairs to what he knew would be a meet and greet before the actual yoga and music sessions started the next day.

*

Andrew didn’t really want to be there, but Kevin did, and he was, as Aaron would say, whipped.

He followed Kevin downstairs, looking for someone to talk to, as Kevin got swept up by the large variety of people looking to talk to the famous Kevin Day.

(There it was. That trust again.)

Interesting people, Andrew thinks, are both rare to find and ridiculously relevant to his mood.

It is a tough and laborious thing to be both hot and captivating. Kevin does it unknowingly. Andrew hates it. And him.

He mad his way to the drinks table, and since there was no alcohol anyway, he entertained himself by trying to mix some of the most ridiculously colored ones.

He could have sworn he felt a gaze burning a crater on the back of his head, and when he looked, he found icy eyes ices and face framed by flames.

*

Neil did not want to run into Kevin Day or Andrew Minyard.

Of course, the universe (or whatever fucked up being controlled it) didn’t listen to Neil. Ever.

Neil knew he had a conversation with Kevin that was long overdue, but he had intended to avoid Andrew at all costs, a plan that went flying out the window as soon as Andrew decided to walk over to him with a challenge in his eyes.

*

Kevin could hide pretty much everything behind his press façade, but seeing Nathaniel here was something took him enough by surprise that he had take a moment to gather his thoughts in a bathroom, for fuck’s sake.

So, he excused himself, and went over to Nathaniel, only to find him looking at Andrew with very challenge that he used to look at Kevin with. The one that Kevin knew meant that Nathaniel found Andrew worth his time. Which was saying something. He smiled and went over to Andrew.

(He almost didn't want to interrupt their conversation. It reminded him too much of another person, another life.)

“You know,” he said, making direct eye contact with Nathaniel, “I have to agree with Andrew. Tea is truly despicable.”

*

Neil stared at Kevin, who calmly stared back and he knew that Kevin saw the exact moment he decided not to run because he saw it in the soft smile he had spent years trying to forget.

So he looked Kevin in the eye and said, “Is that so?”

*

One of Andrew’s favourite pastimes was riling up people, and his favourite person to tease was Kevin with his pretty lips that he would purse just so when Andrew told him that he was “obsessed” and that cute horrible -really he hates it- nose that he scrunches up when he’s concentrating and Andrew pokes him in his ribs.

Really, he’s Andrew’s favourite, but Neil might be the second.

It’s entertaining (or as close as anything is going to get) to see him twist that perfect mouth that Andrew can imagine doing so many other things-

He takes a breath and looks at Neil, who is now having a very energetic conversation of the merits and demerits of tea and coffee respectively and if Andrew hadn’t spent so long convincing Neil he hated tea, he might even team up with him here but Andrew was nothing if not outrageously dedicated.

Andrew exhales softly and apologizes to Bee and to tea as a whole, as he says:

“I agree with Kevin. Tea… is man’s worst invention.”

It was a blessing that Neil was looking at him right then because Andrew saw Kevin choke on air as he heard what Andrew said next.

“So, why don’t you try to convince us to like tea?”

Neil smirked and met his challenge head on.

“Prepare to lose.”

He gave them one last cursory glance as he walked away.

“I thought you loved tea?”

“I do,” Andrew says, smiling softly, as he and Kevin make their way up to their room.

Kevin huffs in amusement and Andrew smiles as he pulls him down for a kiss.

“You seem to know him.”

Andrew watches Kevin sigh and run a hand through his hair.

“He’s Nathaniel.”

Oh.

*

Neil had made his getaway nicely, but the complete shock of Kevin deciding not to confront him right there still stayed. He knew he was just putting off the inevitable, but he decided not to speak of it till Kevin did.

He just hoped Kevin still shied away from the truth how much he did in the Nest.

Neil distracted himself by planning to introduce those imbeciles to the delights of tea, even if he had to sweeten it enough to choke the devil. Neil smiled as he took two packets of tea from his suitcase, his favourites. But for Andrew, he had a different flavour in mind.

Chocolate tea.

Neil hated it. With every fibre of his being. He’d rather drink hot chocolate if he had to introduce his body to the sickly-sweet concoction, but that was exactly why Andrew would love it.

Minyard had no clue what was coming at him.

As for Kevin, Neil had given up on his liking tea long ago but he had one last angle to give this.

Kale-honey tea.

(for his voice)

Neil loved his voice. It was just the perfect balance of rough and caressing, deep enough to envelope him just so.

It also matched perfectly with his own voice. Neil missed all of it. The last two years they had shared before Riko’s suicide. And then Kevin had left. Neil had pushed him away after that.

Maybe now was the time to forgive.

Neil sighed.

He wanted to kiss Kevin senseless, slowly and wanted to be kissed by Andrew.

He made himself a warm cup of chamomile tea and watched the distant mountains as the wind caressed him softly.

If he heard someone playing the song he and Kevin had composed, he wasn’t surprised.

*

Kevin looked at Andrew as he realized just how fucked they were.

“So, that’s Nathaniel.”

Kevin nodded

“Wow,” Andrew’s treacherous mouth said, “You didn’t tell me he’s so hot.”

Kevin shook his head and rubbed his neck.

“I expected him to hate me.”

“Kevin. Look at me.”

Kevin did, almost irritated.

“You left Jean and him for a good reason. Sometimes, you can’t save everyone you want to.”

“I know. It’s just,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “Jean was his partner.”

Andrew held Kevin close as he cried.

*

Neil studiously avoided Kevin and Andrew all through the morning and tried his best at lunch, which turned out be a little hard considering the fact that there was two of them and one of him. Finally he acquiesced, and turned to look at what turned out to be only Kevin.

“Yes?” he asked testily.

Kevin swallowed inconspicuously and met Neil’s gaze.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why do you think I don’t hate you?”

Understanding dawned in Kevin’s eyes.

“You think it was my fault.”

“Well,” Neil said, raising his voice just a little bit “Whose fault was it? Jean’s?”

“No, I-”

“You don’t get to apologize! Your apologies won’t make him any less dead! Riko may have killed him, Kevin, but it was you who handed him the knife.”

*

Kevin stepped back as if he’d been slapped.

“Neil, listen-”

“No.”

Kevin stepped aside to let him go. As he stared at Neil’s retreating form, he felt a suffocating hopelessness course through him.

Andrew came up to him, and placed an arm around his waist and led him up to their room, but Kevin didn’t wasn’t any of that right now.

“Hold the fuck up, Neil.”

Neil turned to look at him and opened his mouth to give him a piece of his mind but Kevin stalked over before he could.

“Do you even know why I left? You think a stupid injury could push me to leave?” Kevin laughed, twistedly, and it sent shivers up Neil’s spine.

“You know, he saw us. All the time, when we thought we were safe? He saw us. He saw me with you. You with Jean. Jean with me. He took advantage of it.”

Kevin took a deep breath in.

“He knew I’d do anything for you both.”

Finally, Neil understood.

“He broke your hand out of jealousy.”

Kevin nodded.

“And I left so that I could get you out.”

“But you didn’t realize to what extent his anger ran.”

“No,” Kevin sighed. “I didn’t.”

It sounded a lot like defeat.

*

Neil stared at Kevin.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Kevin stared flatly at him.

“Because you disappeared off the face of the fucking earth.”

*

Neil sighed as he stared at Kevin.

“I never really blamed you anyway.”

“You what.”

Neil sighed again

“I’m sorry. I just- You know we had something right -”

“Uh.”

“What?”

“See, I’m dating Andrew-”

“Oh,” Neil said.

“Yeah,” Kevin says.

Neil looks away, slowly.

“The challenge is still on, though?”

“Oh, yeah,” Neil says, the glint returning to his eye.

*

Andrew needed to hide his favourite teas from Neil. He knew it wouldn’t be long till he figured it out, and he did not want to take that chance.

He had discovered exactly eight packets of chocolate tea scattered in his and Kevin’s baggage and devised increasingly ridiculous places to hide them, much to Kevin’s amusement and disgust.

“We have no clue how long that’s been there, Drew,” he said regarding the small box of coffee Andrew found behind the cupboards.

Andrew just smiled as he transferred the coffee powder to a jar and emptied a packet of tea into the coffee box.

(If he hid a packet in Kevin’s guitar, no one had to know.)

*

The more that Neil thought about it (and he thought quite a lot) it seemed extremely unlikely that Andrew actually hated tea. It even seemed impossible.

If anything, Neil knew Kevin as well as he knew himself (better even, the Nest wasn’t the best) and he knew Kevin absolutely loathed tea (something about Irish coffee) and it seemed obvious that Andrew was just the contrary kind of person to develop a taste for it just to annoy Kevin. It’s something Neil would do if Stuart hadn’t already conditioned him to liking tea. So, the obvious conclusion was this: Andrew was clearly lying. Now Neil just needed to confront him.

*

Kevin was trying to bake his sorrows along with the cookies that he was trying not to burn when there was a knock at the door of their room.

He opens it and Neil walks in looking around, as if it was his room.

Kevin raises both his eyebrows, and with all the judgement he can muster, says, “Excuse you?”

Neil looks at him with an air of Oh my god, can you believe this idiot , and says,“I know Andrew hates tea.”

Kein grins like Neil just gave him three kittens.

“You just won me twenty dollars.”

Neil stares at him like a grumpy cat and Kevin is realizes just how well he knows Neil.

“Andrew and I bet over how long it’d take you to come down here.”

Neil continues staring at him.

“Andrew bet till you’d last till the evening and I said you wouldn’t wait till then.”

Neil breaks out into  a grin as he stares up at Kevin.

Kevin takes a deep breath.

I want to kiss you, he wants to say, but doesn’t.

It had taken ages for his thing with Andrew to make sense and he didn’t want to ruin it now.

He offers Neil some cookies when he leaves.

*

Andrew wakes up more tired than when he slept.

He walks out and sees Kevin surrounded by approximately eight batches of cookies. Andrew does enjoy his baking, but he also enjoys a working body.

He walks over to kevin, who is looking out the window mournfully.

“Neil?” Andrew asks Kevin and he looks over at him with the same mournful face he had been regarding the teas with.

“I wanted to kiss him,” Kevin said honestly, and Andrew looked at him almost amusedly.

“What if even I wanted to?”

Kevin’s eyes widened and he choked on his own spit.

“What the fuck?”

Andrew continued looking at him with a slight smile on his lips.

“Answer me.”

“I’d be fine with that,” Kevin replied, confused, “Only if I can too.”

Andrew smiled fully and pulled Kevin down for a kiss.

He couldn’t wait for Neil to come over.

*

This was their last evening free before the performances and enrichments started. Enrichments, Neil thought with scorn. Too much of a pride to call the classes.

He sat back in his chair with a book, a fictitious one of no great value, but it was enthralling just the same. He still had an hour to meet Kevin and Andrew, and he was unable to concentrate.

It seemed weird to him, the fact that Andrew was blatantly flirting wit him, yet Kevin seemed almost hesitant to make a move when he so clearly wanted to. Something he knew Neil wanted too. Andrew, Neil felt, was the unknown in the equation, the unforeseen. Neil would never have seen himself falling in love with someone whose personality could only be described and ‘whimsical’ and ‘cat like’.

There was also the fact to consider that he was five feet and dating Kevin Day.

He sighed, and then sighed again at the fact that he seemed to be sighing a lot these past few days.

He got up and put away his book. If wasn’t able to concentrate on anything else, he’d rather concentrate on the tea dilemma, as he liked to call it.

It was now clarified that Andrew loves tea. Neil just needed evidence.

*

Neil would be lying if he said that he missed the thrill of the undercover jobs that he did for Stuart, but this, he thought was taking it too far. He was hanging over a busy street  and his only anchor, was the narrow windowsill of windows that were almost a feet apart. He just had to make across five to reach Kevin and Andrew’s room.

He allowed himself a moment’s relaxation before moving.

*

Andrew realized that seeing his boyfriend’s ex who they were both not over yet snooping in their kitchen should have set Andrew’s alarm bells on fire, but the only thing his brain could come up with was hot damn, and honestly, that was not helpful.

Judging by the way Kevin was looking over at Neil, he probably felt the same.

Not helpful at all.

*

Usually, Neil thought, getting caught would mean death, but this time, getting caught meant embarrassment.

Exclaiming “Ah hah!” while holding a box of tea leaves (it was chocolate!!!) was not quite the impression that he wanted to make, but what was done was done, so he improvised.

“I found your tea!”

In retrospect, saying that with the same tone a diabolical villain would use was also not a good idea, but neither Kevin nor Andrew seemed to think so.

*

Andrew looked at Neil, enamoured.

“Fuck,” he heard himself saying, “Can I kiss you?”

He saw Neil eyes get wide and a blush creep up his neck in the prettiest way possible before he covered the distance and did what he had been waiting to do for years days.

He kissed Neil.

Much to Kevin’s chagrin. They were so hot, it was unfair, his brain thought and he could only hope he hadn’t said that aloud.

*

Later that night, Neil lay on the couch, next to Kevin, hugging him, as Kevin slowly told him about the last three months he spent with Jean before it all went to shit.

Andrew was inside, on their bed, furiously typing away at something that he refused to share with any of them. Neil walked over to him and sat down next to him. He was still not as comfortable with Andrew as he was with Kevin, which was understandable.

Talking to Kevin had been like falling back into a routine he didn’t know he missed so much. It was natural, happy, and though there was always going to be that grief that came with everything they’d fought and everyone they’d loved and lost along the way, they were here now and they were going to make it.

“So,” Andrew said, not looking up, “Where’d you find the tea?”

Neil laughed at looked at him softly.

“In your guitar. And speaking of which, I won our little competition.”

“Oh,” Andrew said looking up in interest, “Would you like a prize?”

Neil laughed, then sobered up.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I do.”

Kevin came and sat down next to them on the bed.

“What a about our band?” he suggested. “We need a back up vocalist, someone good on the keyboard, and you fit the bill.”

Neil looked at them incredulously, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“What do you want to name it?”

Andrew looked between them, eyes sharp.

“Tea leaves in a guitar.”

[thebashfulpoet]

no other name (falling off my lips)

A/N: So I was sitting here minding my own business listening to music as I was avoiding doing hw when I was hit with the inspiration for some Angsty Andreil from my SN&E universe. So I did it. Enjoy the pain while I cry and finish up the last of my hw 

[Read on Ao3]

          Neil sits in the empty studio and stares at the ivory keys beneath his fingertips. They trip and glide over the white and black bars but never press down hard enough to make a sound — almost too afraid of what will happen if he does. The piano was never his instrument, not in any way that mattered at least. No, it was always Andrew’s, a piece of the drummer only few got to see and even fewer knew how deep that part of him went. Maybe that’s why he sits alone tucked away in the empty piano room at Fox Records. It’s the only way he can feel close to him.

           It’s stupid. Neil shouldn’t need an instrument to feel close to the person who made him real — to the person that breathed Neil Josten to life and told him to stay. But the fact is that Neil hasn’t seen or heard from Andrew in almost two months. Not since Andrew had stormed out of their room after the biggest argument they’ve ever had. He could still hear the ringing of the door slamming closed and the rev of the engine and Andrew’s sleek black car peels out of the driveway and races down their quiet suburban neighborhood.

           At first, he just thought that Andrew needed to cool his head — take his space where he needed it after Neil pushed too hard for something he wasn’t ready to give. It was fine. Neil couldn’t begrudge him that, especially when he found his own blood boiling at the mere thought of looking at his boyfriend’s seemingly indifferent face after that particular argument — after he tore himself open only to have it shoved back in his face. He was fine. So, he pulled on a pair of running shoes and lost himself in the streets surrounding their home and city until the sun sets and the sky darkens too much for him to continue. When he gets back, Andrew is still nowhere to be found and his phone is silent. That should have been his first sign that something was wrong. Andrew may disappear from time to time but he always texted Neil, even if just to tell him to leave him alone. The silence was deafening.

           But Neil didn’t heed that whisper in the back of his head, still too angry at himself and Andrew to think any more of it. It was a big argument. Maybe Andrew just needed more time to figure his own thoughts out; god knew Neil still did. He showered and went to bed, ignoring how the bed felt too big with Andrew there on the other side of the mattress and too cold without the warmth of his back pressed against a broad chest. When his eyes closed he thought to himself that tomorrow he would talk to him again. That he would fix this between them.

           He didn’t know that tomorrow would never come. That he would wait day after day with no response from Andrew, no call, no text, nothing. He tried calling only to find that the number couldn’t be reached at this time. Then Neil really started panicking. Clutching his phone tightly in a fist, he rushes out of their room and flies down the stairs until he’s skidding into the kitchen where Nicky is cooking. The tall man startles, nearly tossing the contents of the pan onto the ground as he jumps.

           “Jesus Christ Neil!” he gasps, putting the pan down and turning the flame on low. “What’s-”

           “Have you heard from Andrew?”

           His brows furrow, “Not since Friday. I just thought that he was off on one of his self-isolated road trips.”

           “Friday, you’re sure?” Neil urges him.

           “Yeah. He sent a text saying that he was taking a break and not to look for him.”

           Neil runs through his hair. “Fuck.”

           “What’s going on?” Worry starts to mar his face, but Neil is already turning away, running to the only other person who Andrew would have contacted.

           He finds Aaron sitting on the couch with his phone glued to his hand like always. So irrational part of him wonders if that was Andrew on the other end of the screen no matter the fact that Neil knows the twin have texted each other only a handful of times in the two years he’s known them. Still, he wonders.

           “Are you talking to Andrew?”

           “No.” Aaron doesn’t even bother to look up from his screen as he types away at a message.

           “Are you sure?”

           He sneers, “I think I would know if I was texting my brother or not.”

           Neil wants to tear his hair out. Or Aaron’s. “When did you hear from him last?”

           “God what’s with the third degree? Go bug someone else.”

           “Aaron,” Neil all but growls, “When did you last hear from him?”

           “Fuck you.”

           Neil dives for him then and he would have made it if not for Nicky coming out of the kitchen hot on Neil’s tail and yanking him back just in time. Aaron finally looks away from his phone and stares at Neil like he’s finally lost his mind. Maybe he had.

           “Neil calm down!” Nicky tries to push him further away, but he pulls at his arms.

           “I swear to fucking god Aaron, if you do not tell me right now, I’ll fucking kill you.”

           Aaron gives him a bored look. “What did you lose your boyfriend? Maybe he finally got tired of you.”

           Neil almost breaks free.

           “Jesus Aaron really?” Nicky sighs exasperatedly. “Kevin! Get your ass in here before you have to find a new singer!”

           Kevin ambles in from upstairs, looking for all intents and purposes like he just crawled out of bed despite it being nearly 11 am. “What the fuck is going on now?”

           “Well as you can clearly see I need your help!”

           Kevin looks between Neil and Aaron before turning around and going back upstairs.

           “KEVIN!”

           In Nicky’s moment of distraction, Neil breaks free from his grasp and grabs Aaron, yanking him off the couch and hauling him so they meet eye to eye. “If you do not tell me what I want to know right now-”

           “You’ll what?” he sneers, pulling at Neil’s grip.

           Neil only tightens it. “I was the son of a serial killer that liked to torture people for hours before he granted them even a thought towards mercy. I could kill you in ways that you could only image.”

           Aaron pales and the sneer slips slightly.

           “Neil,” Nicky whispers, voice shaking.

           He ignores him. “Now when did you last talk to him?”

           For a moment, he doesn’t think Aaron will answer him — that his stubborn nature and ill regard for Neil would keep his mouth silent. To his surprise, he answers. “Yesterday.”

           Neil lets him go, the single word enough to open the world beneath his feet and leave him feeling. “What?”

           “I said I heard from him yesterday. He texted to say that he’s going to be gone for a bit and to bug Renee if I needed anything since he wouldn’t be reachable.”

           Neil’s world bottoms out. Andrew was gone. Gone. And he left his family to Renee, not Neil. Trusted Renee to keep them safe not Neil. The message hit him like a ton of bricks: painful and clear. Andrew couldn’t trust Neil to do that job anymore, nor did he want him to.

           Nick was trying to say something to him, but the words fell on deafened ears. All he could hear was that slamming door and the rev of an engine. Over and over again. He’s flying out the door before he even registers moving — feet slapping concrete and sending shocks up his shin until it becomes painful. His lungs heave and constrict in his chest for the too little air squeezing past his throat. This time even when the sky darkens, he runs and runs until the sun peaks over the horizon again and he has to crawl to keep moving. When he gets home their bedroom is still empty and his phone is silent.

           No one hears from Andrew for two months. Kevin is pissed, seething about the fact that they had to halt the progress on their next album with their drummer missing. Nicky looks worried and flickers between mother-henning the band and locking himself in his room to skype with Erik in hushed German. The Foxes range between worried (Dan, Matt, and Wymack) and apathetic (Seth and Allison) with only Renee giving him a sad pitiful look whenever he catches her eyes. Even Aaron starts to look a bit worried, but Neil can’t bring himself to care.

Staying in the house hurts — hurts more than anything his father or Lola ever did to him as a child or adult. He spent hours staring at their empty bed from a spot where he curled up on the floor since he couldn’t bring himself to sleep in it alone. The glass doors to the balcony became impassable and the empty spot in the garage opened a pit in his chest he thought he long since filled. After the first month, he gives up and moves onto Matt and Dan’s couch after the two of them offer him a place in their new apartment together.

           He stares at the keys again, this time pressing one until a soft ping fills the room. The sound breaks something in him and he presses another. And then another and another until the room fills with a simple melody.

           The piano was never his, but Andrew taught him some of the basics during the late nights when neither of them could sleep. It was never anything more than a couple of chords here or there or how to move his hands across the keys — even if they never moved half as fast as his. He loved those nights. Loved seeing Andrew lose himself in the music that once meant so much to him, even if it meant that no one else would.

           He plays the melody over again, and then another time, adding a few complexities as he goes along until he can feel the hint of a song scratching at the back of his mind. His fingers fly and the music twists itself into words in his throat until he starts humming along trying to decipher them. When he opens his mouth, the words come pouring out.

Wish I could, I could've said goodbye I would've said what I wanted to Maybe even cried for you

He didn’t know. He couldn’t have known that when Andrew left he would never get to say goodbye. Even when he thought he had seconds left, he always knew he would spend them saying goodbye and now that he can’t-

If I knew, it would be the last time I would've broke my heart in two Tryin' to save a part of you

           He should have kept his mouth shut. Should have never said a damn thing about it. But he was so tired. Tired of lying. Tired of pretending that he was nothing to Andrew. Tired of people thinking that they were nothing.

Don't want to feel another touch Don't wanna start another fire Don't wanna know another kiss No other name falling off my lips

           He didn’t want anyone else. Didn’t want to pretend that he could want anyone else. It was just Andrew. It would always be Andrew. No one else. Never anyone else.

To another stranger Or let another day begin Won't even let the sunlight in No, I'll never love again

           And he ruined it all. Ruined it because he didn’t want to hide anymore. He wanted the world to know that he was Andrew’s, even if Andrew would never be his. He wanted to scream it to the world, to take Andrew’s hand in his own and face all the shit the world threw at them. Because with Andrew at his side he felt like he could take on anything. But he pushed too hard.

I won't I won't I swear I can't I wish I could but I just won't

           He did the one thing he promised he never would do, he asked for too much. Too much and too fast for what Andrew was capable of giving him. Of what Andrew wanted to give to him. But he grew greedy.  Greedy enough to want for something Andrew had told him from the beginning that he could never have. And yet he pushed, ruining it for good.

I'll never love again

           His fingers slip and bang against the keys, the sharp noise jarring and dissonant to the soft melody still lingering in the air. He moves to start again, but his vision blurs with tears and a choked sob fills his throat. Hands curl into fists and bang onto the keys, filling the room with the same discord and disarray that echoes in his chest.

           “Oh Neil,” Matt whispers from his spot in the doorway, but Neil can’t bring himself to look at him (too ashamed of the tears being spilled from his own doing). He feels a heavy hand fall softly on his shoulder, gently guiding him into a solid stomach. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

           Neil doesn’t say a word even after hours pass and Matt drives him back home. He doesn’t go back to the studio again.

           Two days later Neil’s phone pings with a text message. It’s the middle of the night and his phone sits on the coffee table just out of his reach, the bright light from the screen cutting a path of blue light in the otherwise darkened room. For a second he debates letting it sit there unanswered, almost positive it’s Nicky trying to cheer him up or ask when he’ll come home (as if he still had a home there without Andrew). But that same stupid part of his brain holds out hope that maybe even now it will be Andrew.

           It takes a few tries, but he manages to slide the phone off the table and into his hands, eyes squinting as the bright light shifts to blare in his face rather than the ceiling. He almost drops it when the name registers in his mind. Andrew Minyard. He stops, looks again, looks away, and then check again. The same still stares back at him. With shaky fingers, he swipes the screen open and clicks on the message.

           There are no words, no explanations for where he has gone or why he left without a fucking word, just a simple link sitting in a small blue bubble with a still of a black title card. He clicks on the video only for it to open in his YouTube app. It was uploaded on an anonymous account and the thumbnail was a black background with the words For Him written in italic script. Neil hits play and waits for it to finish buffering.

           It’s a video of himself, sitting in that empty piano room at Fox Records as he belts out the painful melody that took him over. The video is shot from his back so you couldn’t see the tears falling down his cheeks but the waver in his voice gave him away all the same, each intake a break stuttering slightly and his body trembling as it sways back and for. It captures most of the song ending with that same jarring key. Just before the video cuts out there is a soft “Oh Neil” that tells him just who is responsible for this latest video. His eyes dart down to the view count to see that it’s reached millions.

           The phone buzzes again, this time with a single word. Studio.

           Neil is off the couch and out the door in seconds, not bothering with even shoes or a coat despite the chilly autumn evening air. He runs faster and harder than he’s had to in a long time but its all worth it when he bursts through those doors to see Andrew standing there in the lounge. Dark circles rest under his eyes and tense shoulders betray his calm demeanor even as he turns to meet Neil’s gaze.

           “You’re here,” Neil breathes, feeling like it’s the first full breath he’s had in months.

           Andrew nods.

           “You left.” Neil continues, stepping further into the room until they are less than a foot apart.

           He nods again.

           Neil wants to reach out and touch him, but he doesn’t — too afraid that if he does then Andrew will disappear again. “And you’re back? For good?”

           This time there is a hesitation before he nods tightly, chin jerking like the question left him stilted and unhinged.

“Yes or no?” A quiet yes falls from those lips in a raspy voice from disuse and Neil feels something click into place. He falls into Andrew’s space, slotting their foreheads together and tangling his fingers in those soft blonde locks. Something else clicks into place.

           “You left.” It comes out choked and small, even as he pulls away to meet Andrew’s eyes. “You left.”

           “Yes.” He says it simply because it was. He left Neil behind.

           “You left. Without a word or a text for two months.” This time Andrew didn’t bother replying. “What the fuck Andrew? What the actual fuck.”

           Neil pulls away more firmly, anger boiling in his chest as the shock wears from his system. “What the actual fuck.”

           Andrew crosses his arms. “What do you want me to say? I left.”

           “Exactly!” It comes out near hysterical. “You left. Just like that. You asked me to stay and then you left me.”

           Andrew’s jaw ticks but he says nothing.

           “What was I supposed to do Andrew?” Neil grasps for understanding. “We had one argument and then you just disappeared for two months without a single fucking word. What was I supposed to do?! Did you even plan to come back.”

           “I don’t know.”

           “You don’t know?” Neil seethes, “Fuck that you do know. Were you going to come back?”

           Andrew meets his gaze head-on. “I don’t know.”

           Neil deflates, knowing the real answer. “You weren’t.” Andrew says nothing. “God, I don’t even get a reason why?”

           “Why what Neil,” Andrew sighs.

           “Why we have one argument about me wanting to go public about us and you drop off the fucking earth!” Neil explodes walking away. “Why that, Drew. Why fucking that.”

           Andrew is silent for a beat, then two. “Because I can’t give you that.”

           “Then why didn’t you just say-”

           “I did, but you pushed. You pushed and I could see that you would keep pushing even if it took years until I was ready.”

           “That’s right. I would have. I would have waited until the end of fucking time for that, so why push me away?” Neil’s voice is raw against his throat and he can feel tears sting the corners of his eyes but he pushes on. “Why.”

           “Because you deserve better.”

           Neil blinks. “Excuse me?”

           But Andrew is done talking. “You heard me.”

           “No, I don’t think I did.” Neil whips around, “Because it sounded like you just said that I deserve better. Whatever the fuck that means.”

           Andrew remains silent. Neil explodes.

           “Fuck what I deserve. Fuck what everyone including you thinks I deserve. I decide that.”

           “Shut up.”

           “No, I won’t. And you know what? I fucking deserve to be happy. I deserve to have someone that makes me feel like I’m an actual person. I deserve someone that makes me feel as alive as music does. That’s what I deserve, Andrew.”

           His jaw locks, “Then what are you waiting for?”

           “I’m waiting for him to say that he deserves that too. Because I can’t fight that battle for him as much as I fucking want to.” He crosses the space between them. “I fucking love you, Drew. More than I’ve ever thought I could love another person and I just want you to love you too. No more of this ‘deserve’ bullshit. Decide for yourself.”

           They are inches apart now, breath intermingling and burning amber meeting icy blue.

           “Yes or no, Andrew?” The question is soft off his lips.

           A moment. Then two. Then three. Finally, “Yes.”

           Andrew’s lips slot against Neil’s and it feels like coming home. It feels like first burning him alive and water drowning his every breath until all he can taste and think of is Andrew’s lips and the thundering beat of his chest matching the one in Andrews. They stay like that for eternity or maybe a few seconds before they must pull away for air, neither straying far from the other.

           “Don’t leave again,” Neil whispers into the space between them. “Don’t leave me again.”

           Andrew doesn’t answer, simply presses their lips together until his head becomes dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Hours later they would curl up on the lounge’s couch, Andrew pressed to the back cushions with Neil half pressed to his side and half on his chest. The lights are dimmed and the steady beat of Andrew’s heart lulls him to sleep no matter how long he tries to hold onto consciousness. Just before he slips away, Andrew’s arms tighten around Neil’s torso and he feels the rumbles of his chest as he speaks.

           It sounded a lot like, “I promise.”

[humongousvoidbear]

Weight Of The Idiot

Words: 1.8k

Summary:  Basically Andrew being a shit and not telling anyone he's ill. Consequences include fainting during practice with the Foxes and inciting his boyfriend's rage.

Andrew collapsed. In the middle of practise. Neil saw this all happen as if in slow motion, one minute he was aiming the ball at the goal and the next Andrew was swaying as he ultimately fell. Neil's heart stopped. All barriers, all pretences of not caring and nothing came to a screeching halt when he saw Andrew's slow descent to the ground. Andrew had been distant since this morning, he hadn't kissed Neil once since they had both woken up, but Neil had just attributed that to him having a bad day. Bad days when his mind was filled with memories he couldn't stop. Bad days when even a brush of a finger was enough to bring violence in those hazel eyes. So Neil left it and gave Andrew space as Andrew had often done for Neil. Neil couldn't breathe. Watching his rock, his promise collapse without warning was enough to scrape his heart raw. He couldn't move, but was just staring at Andrew's unmoving body. Seconds or hours passed and then Matt's voice, "Neil!" And Neil dropped his extremely expensive racket to the ground and jogged towards the goal. The rest of the Foxes had already gathered at a safe distance from Andrew, even now knowing not to touch him without permission. Neil was unbelievably grateful for that. Andrew's chest was moving up and down, he was alive. Relief so intense coursed through Neil's body he felt light headed.

He knelt down beside Andrew, and hurriedly removed his gloves. He unlocked Andrew's head gear and removed his goalkeeper gloves. "Andrew?", Neil asked softly, not wanting the Foxes to hear the edge in his voice. But Andrew did, even in his almost unconsious state he did. "I'm fine.", he said slowly opening his eyes. "Can I touch your head?" Andrew nodded with the little pint of strength he had. Burning. His forehead under Neil's hand was as hot as the dashboard lighter had felt in Neil's cheek. "Andrew Minyard you fucking asshole.", Neil said as he swore viciously. "Is he dying?", Nicky asked, concern lacing his voice. "He's burning up. Maybe a 103 or a 104 degree Farheniet. We need to get him somewhere cold.", Neil replied. "I'm still here.", Andrew said, his voice strained. "Shut the fuck up.", Neil replied. "But practice?", Kevin obviously asked. "Kevin for once in your goddamned life keep your fucking mouth shut or else Neil will bury you alive.", Matt told him. Neil had never looked at one of them like that. He had never let Nathaniel Wesninski's rage show. Kevin wisely kept his mouth shut when he saw the look Neil gave him. Neil didn't open his mouth, he knew that if he did, something terrible would come out. Thankfully, Renee intervened. She carefully knelt down on Andrew's other side and forced Neil's furious gaze away from Kevin. "Let's get him inside.", she told Neil. "Andrew, Neil and I are going to help you up, okay?", she told Andrew. Andrew was feeling too sick to reply. Renee looked at Neil when he didn't. Neil hated to do this without consent, but he slid his hands under Andrew's shoulders, the grass brushing his bare hands. He hoisted Andrew up with Renee's help. "Someone go and get a fucking tub or something with ice.", Neil said. "And go tell Wymack and Abby." He saw Dan, Nicky, Matt, Allison and Kevin run up ahead, immediately doing what he asked for, leaving Aaron alone with Renee and Neil. Aaron didn't say anything, but the crease between his eyebrows betrayed his worry. Neil and Renee slowly, so slowly carried Andrew's heavy, unco-operating body off the court.

"Go stick him in the shower, we've got cold water running. Nicky, Allison and Matt have gone to find Abby. Kevin's getting Wymack.", Dan told him when they reached the inner court. Neil huffed out a thanks and led the way to the locker room. A shower was on and he and Renee eased Andrew's body onto the floor beneath it, his back to the wall. Renee took a few steps back after this but Neil gently took hold of Andrew's head and held it under the freezing water, slowly moving his hands through Andrew's hair, the water seeping down the back of Andrew's neck. His body was still too feverish. "I'm fine.", Andrew said yet again. Neil finally understood why everyone else found these words so infuriating when he said them. Neil didn't reply. "I leave you all alone for a minute and this happens.", Wymack said from a corner of the room. Neil had been too distracted to notice Kevin and him were already in the locker room when they arrived. All of the Foxes were. Wymack shoved Neil aside and knelt in front of Andrew. "Andrew, do you want to go to the hospital?" "No." "Okay. Neil get him out of his gear. It's too thick and is increasing his body temperature. Get him in a jersey and shorts and take him to Abby.", he got up, "Everyone else, out. Now." They all left without a word, leaving Neil and Andrew alone in the locker room's shower stall.

Neil switched off the running water after Andrew had cooled down a bit. "Get up.", Neil said and helped Andrew up. He was barely aware of his own sopping clothes. Andrew's hands were shaking. He sat Andrew down on one of the benches and picked up the closest jersey and shorts. It didn't matter who's they were. Andrew was trying to remove the paddings in his things and chest, but his hands were shaking too much. Neil batted his hands away and did it for him. He removed Andrew's shirt and leg gear and wiped Andrew with a drytowel. Andrew refused to remove his armbands but Neil had expected that. He removed his own. Andrew's eyes flickered towards his when he dropped them on the bench. Andrew discarded his wet ones and quickly put on Neil's. Neil had successfully managed to get Andrew into dry clothes. "Neil.", Andrew said. "We have to go to Abby, come on." "Neil.", Andrew said again. Neil refused to meet his eyes. "You could've told me." "I know.", Andrew replied calmly, which increased the fire in Neil's gut. He was tired of not knowing things. Neil was breathing hard now. His anger threatened to erupt but this wasn't the time. "You're burning up. Let's go." "No", that stubborn bastard replied tiredly from the bench. "Look at me when I talk to you.", Andrew said and raised his arm. Even half deranged, he had seen the ungodly amount of panic, of fear that had slipped into Neil's eyes on the court. Andrew threaded his fingers into Neil's curls and pulled his face towards himself, so that it was level with his own. Those shocking blue eyes were wild. A flurry of emotions, too complex to discern passing through them. "I said I'm fine." "Liar. You can barely hold my head right now. It's draining you. I'm not fucking stupid Andrew." Andrew's blank face was completely opposite to that of Neil's. Andrew dropped his hand to his side. Neil straightened. "Let's go.", he said for the third damn time. This time, Andrew didn't argue.

"Leave this ice pack on your head. Do not remove it till it doesn't melt and when it does, put a new one on. You're staying here tonight, you have any problem, even a hiccup, ring me immediately. A 104 degree fever is no joke Andrew Minyard. Don't move. Doctor's orders.", Abby said and turned around to leave.

"I would never disobey you Abby. Not to forget this murder magnet here won't let me.", Andrew said, sounding oddly disappointed. "I'll be back in a few hours to check up on you kid. Take care.", she smiled and left them both alone. Andrew was lying on the bed in the room and Neil was sitting on one of the armchairs. He had changed into dry clothes while Andrew got checked. The rest of the Foxes, as per Kevin's insistence had continued practice. Neil for the first time in his life, had decided not to join them. "Come here.", Andrew said. Abby had given him a few tablets to give him energy and regulate his body temperature but he still was too worn out to move. This was perhaps the first time Neil had seen Andrew without any strength. Neil obediently got up and stood next to the bed. Andrew had a giant ice pack on his head and a blanket covering his body. He was surprised Andrew had been so compliant. "Enough with the anger." "I'm not angry.", Neil lied. Andrew stared at him, unblinking. "Talk." A beat of silence. "You should've told me you fucking moron. You don't feel sick in a minute. It takes time. You should've fucking told me. It's not that hard, just a few words maybe. Or just a "Hey Neil my body temperature is getting abnormally high" or maybe even an "I'm sick" would fucking suffice. But that doesn't work for you, does it? You have to pass out before anyone can help you.", Neil was fuming. He didn't care that he was over reacting. Seeing Andrew, probably the strongest person he knew, abruptly collapse had reminded him of his own mother. Both of them thought they were too strong and invincible to handle shit on their own. At least he had an inkling that something was wrong with his mother. If what happened to his mom happened to Andrew, he would lose himself.

Andrew understood all this. He knew just by looking at Neil's ragged face, the sheer force of will he was using to keep himself, his temper in check. "I'm not your mother junkie, I'm not going to die.", came Andrew's bored reply. To anyone else, this would have sounded rude. To Neil it said, I know what you're thinking. Calm down. I'm still here. It was enough. "Don't you ever do that again. I know you don't give a flying fuck about your own well being, unfortunately, I do. Tell me next time. It's not that hard." Andrew fought the urge to roll his eyes. Drama queen, he almost said. "Remove this fucking ice pack from my head." Neil knew better than to argue. As soon as he removed tha pack and set it aside, Andrew's hand snagged his collar and pulled his face down. He stopped Neil's face a hairs breath from his own, Neil's hands planted on either side of him. "Yes or no?" "Yes." "Even with all the germs?" He and Andrew were close enough Neil could see the tiny freckles beside Andrew's eyes. They were beautiful. "Even with all the germs.", he confirmed and finally closed the distance between them.

((send me prompts if you wish to))

[inactivedaddymemeyard]

I Don’t Fucking Care

Kevin and Aaron are Bisexual and in love. Spread the word. This is basically the beginning of Kevaaron with references to past Katelyn/Aaron set to Idfc by Blackbear.

Ao3: here

He is the Kevin Day. He doesn’t get crushes. He is bisexual, but he’d always favored the women over the men while in The Nest. He was too scared all the time to think about his sexuality or anything remotely close to it for the first two years he was out. But now he’s not only out. He’s safe. He is the Kevin Day and he is confused. He keeps finding himself drawn to Aaron. It doesn’t make sense to him at all. Aaron has always been cold to him. And yet Kevin can’t remember a single time during those first two years that he wasn’t around Andrew. Kevin had heard from Nicky years ago that Aaron opened up more when Andrew wasn’t around.

Kevin found himself agreeing with that now that Andrew and Aaron’s deal was over. Kevin had seen Aaron blossom under Katelyn’s affections and had felt jealousy. At first he thought his jealousy was directed at the fact that even Aaron had someone who loved him, but recently Kevin has started to realize that maybe it wasn’t Aaron he was jealous of, but Katelyn. The epiphany had knocked Kevin on his ass. He’d already known that he found Aaron attractive because he’d found Andrew attractive all those years ago when he’d tried to recruit him for the Ravens. As with Andrew, Kevin found the bud of attraction he’d felt squashed by how much he disliked their personalities. Andrew and Aaron were similar in their looks and in their abrasive, shitty personalities. So was Kevin, now that he thought about it.

There was a need in Aaron that Kevin recognized and felt in himself. He’d seen it firsthand. He saw the way Aaron bloomed beneath attention and affection; he saw it every time Wymack praised his play and every time Nicky went out of his way to talk to and care for Aaron specifically. Kevin felt that need resonate in his soul every time Neil patted his shoulder after a good practice and every time Abby said “Kevin, dear”. They’d been starved for too long. They were not broken so thoroughly by their abusers that it destroyed the need for love and affection like Andrew and Neil. They actually loved their abusers. They still need love in some way.

Aaron had found his love with Katelyn only to lose it with anger and callousness that she could not understand or tolerate. Kevin didn’t blame her. Each of the Foxes had something that made it difficult for them to blend in with the untainted masses. He and Aaron just happened to have similar setbacks. Being abused by someone you loved and depended on is not something that is easily overcame. They both had felt the crushing need for someone, anyone to say those three stupid fucking words. They both hated them and needed them.

Maybe that was Kevin’s issue. They were so similar is was impossible not to feel connected.

“Lying to even yourself now.” A quiet voice in his mind mocked him.

That’s exactly what he was doing. He knew it was more than their similarities that kept drawing his eyes to Aaron. He knew it was because Aaron had bloomed with Katelyn and once she was gone he had wilted. Kevin had found himself angry with the other Foxes in those months after their break up. How could no one see how quiet Aaron had become? Kevin rationally knew that he only noticed because he had only be able to enjoy Aaron’s quick wit and dry humor for a short time before he withdrew back to his old self. Kevin mourned the loss and no one else noticed or cared. These past few weeks Kevin kept finding himself gravitating to Aaron when he could see the blonde’s mind wander.

One day at practice Aaron seemed even more withdrawn and shut down so Kevin nudged Nicky and nodded his head to Aaron’s slumped form on the couch. Nicky’s entire body drooped as he took in the sight of his cousin staring at nothing, seemingly dead to the world.

“We passed the Vixens on the way over.” Nicky supplied, his voice full of pity.

Kevin found himself going easy on Aaron for the rest of the day, which had shocked him to his core. When Aaron’s shoulders slumped and his racquet drooped in his hands Kevin called for a break. As the rest of the team made their way to the restrooms and water fountains Aaron didn’t even lift his head to look up from the ground. Kevin ran a hand through his sweat-damp hair before making his way over to the shorter man.

“Neil is being even more of a dick today.” Kevin probed hesitantly.

Talking shit about Neil was always a good way to cheer Aaron up, and one that Kevin enjoyed doing anyways. Today Aaron didn’t give him a devious smirk or call Neil a “fucking twat”, he didn’t say a word. Kevin was growing increasingly worried as he watched Aaron’s hazel eyes slowly lift from the floor to meet his own. When Aaron had finally made eye contact with Kevin he just nodded.

“If you manage to trip him I’ll buy you whatever alcohol you want.” Kevin offered with a small smile.

Aaron’s mouth twitch up minutely before he nodded once again. That was good enough for Kevin, so he turned and started to walk away.

“It’s a deal. You’re doing fine by the way, keep it up.” Kevin threw over his shoulder as he made his way to the water fountain.

He almost missed the surprised blink and slight flush that signaled Aaron had heard and appreciated what Kevin had said.

That was the first time Kevin realized his attraction to Aaron might not be purely physical. He definitely wasn’t ready to think about how much he was attracted to Aaron or for what reasons.

“I can’t wait till we go to Eden’s” Kevin found himself grumbling as he slammed close the biography he’d been blankly staring at for the past hour.

Tell me pretty lies,

Look me in the face,

Tell me that you love me,

Even if it's fake,

'Cause I don't fucking care, at all

Aaron knew Kevin was being nice to him. Aaron wasn’t a fucking baby. He didn’t need Kevin to take care of him. He didn’t need those goddamn green eyes looking at him with that much care in them. He certainly didn’t need Kevin’s fake ass praise. He had played like shit Monday and Kevin giving him that pretty little lie was just pity. It had to be pity. Aaron wasn’t about to let himself think it was anything deeper. Who cares if he couldn’t stop watching Kevin? Not Aaron, that’s for sure. Katelyn had left him because he was an asshole. He knew he had been an asshole to her too many times. He just couldn’t stop the anger that ignited his blood. It coursed through him all the time, the only time it left was when it was replaced with fear. Anger and fear were Aaron’s only true companions. Katelyn was untainted, there was no way she could understand why she both scared him and left him awestruck. No one could truly understand why he lashed out all the time.

He knew why though, had had years and years to mull over why he was always angry. He knew he lashed out at the people around him because he wanted to lash out at his life. At the shitty hand he’d been dealt, at the mother who made it worse, at the brother who should’ve been his salvation but was his damnation, at the cousin he hadn’t even known before he’d tried to change Aaron. Aaron wanted to scream and hit and burn for the past five years. His mom was supposed to love him and yet he beat and neglected him. The drugs were supposed to take him away but most nights they just left him numb but present. And then Andrew had come into his life with promises of protection and had taken away the only person who’d ever loved him. He had put so much hope into having a brother and Andrew had promptly set it all ablaze. Andrew did not love him, could not love him (at least not in the way he needed). Andrew had in his own warped way saved Aaron, but it’d taken Aaron years to understand that. He still struggles with the idea that Andrew does actually care about Aaron, and had protected him. He struggles with letting go of the love he has for his mother. He struggles with the love he receives from Nicky.

He had questioned Nicky’s loyalty and love for a long time before realizing that Nicky was the kind of person that took every person they knew and placed them securely in his heart. Aaron admired Nicky’s willingness to love. Nicky had been neglected and abused the same as Aaron. It might have been with words instead of fists, but it was just as damaging. Aaron knew deep down why Nicky made sure that his family knew he cherished them, it was the same reason as the Foxes other backliner. Nicky was determined to make sure no one knew the cold isolation of friends or family not caring about them. Aaron knew that was why Nicky had shown up, unwilling to let anyone else deal with his father’s neglect, and yet Aaron had been so unwilling to let anyone else in that he had lashed out at Nicky over and over again. He targeted his sexuality because it was the easiest way to get Nicky to back off, and because Aaron had grown up hearing the slurs and insults so they came easily to his lips. Looking back over those first four years he regrets those vile words leaving his mouth. He was not homophobic, had never really been.

He was an asshole, plain and simple. When he was angry he found himself saying anything at all to hurt someone. It was something he had been trying to work on with Betsy for the past couple months. The only one who hadn’t walked away from his anger was Kevin. Kevin with his gorgeous eyes and vicious words had somehow heard the frustration behind his fire. Kevin had also noticed his need for affection, and Aaron would curse him for that if he hadn’t noticed Kevin’s need for it as well.

Aaron knows that he is not bisexual, and certainly not attracted to Kevin. Aaron also knows that Kevin is model worthy. More importantly, Aaron knows that Kevin is a fucking dick. Luckily for Kevin relationships were forbidden at The Nest because he’s probably never realized he’s undateable, not that Aaron has any room to stand on since he too is apparently not dateable.  They’re both too callous, too easy to lash out, too easy to anger.

Aaron had never really payed attention to how similar he and Kevin actually were, and now that he has he can’t stop seeing it. He can’t stop thinking about Monday. He can’t stop thinking about those fucking green eyes and Kevin’s hand running those his dark hair when he’s anxious or stressed. He can’t stop thinking about how Kevin always licks his lips before saying something he’s clearly rehearsed in his mind.

Aaron is startled out of his thoughts as the bedroom door opens and Andrew says, “Let’s go.”

Eden’s is packed and Aaron is grateful. He’s going to get as drunk as safely possible and make out with at least one person tonight. He’s been mourning Katelyn for over a month already and he’s tired of being alone and sad.

Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky waited at a chair-less table for Andrew and Neil to return with drinks.

“We should probably try to find two chairs for Andrew and Neil.” Nicky chirped from the other side of Kevin’s broad chest.

Aaron scoffed at the same time Kevin said, “Why would we do that?”

Nicky was still giving them a disappointed look when Andrew and Neil came back with a tray of drinks. Aaron downed his third of the tray quickly and made his way to the bar for more.

“Damn dude don’t hurt yourself.” Roland chastised him as he poured four more shots for Aaron.

Aaron lifted his middle finger and held Roland's eyes as he knocked back each glass, only putting his finger down when he’d finished all of them. Roland gave him the look he seemed to only use on Aaron and his family before turning to serve someone else. Aaron made his way back to the table and was surprised to see Nicky still at the table with his brother and Neil.

“Jesus Aaron how many did you just do? I am so not carrying you and Kevin back into the house tonight!” Nicky whined.

Aaron didn’t care about Nicky’s discomfort. Aaron’s head was starting to swim as his body was starting to heat up. He thought he heard Neil say something about taking care of Aaron. He snorted at that. Neil was so fucking annoying. Kevin would’ve laughed at the thought of Neil “I’m Fine” Josten taking care of anyone, especially Aaron out of all people.

“Where’s Kevin?” Aaron heard his words slur as they left his numb lips.

“Fuck. He’s trashed and we just got here.” Nicky said, whining again.

Aaron hummed before saying, “Shut the up Nicky. Did you lose ‘im?”

Nicky was laughing for some reason and Andrew’s stupid judgmental eyebrow was raised.

“You forgot a word there, friend.” Neil mocked him.

“I am so not your f-friend, you fucking ginger. Someone tell me where my real friend Kevin went.” Aaron demanded, stomping his foot.

Andrew pointed to the dance floor and that was all Aaron needed. Maybe he and Kevin could be each other’s wingman. Aaron made his way to the dance floor content to just dance and if he saw Kevin then he’d ask him to be his wingman and help him get a girl.

He’d been grinding with a brunette with Kevin green eyes when he finally spotted his friend. He pushed the girl away and made his way to Kevin, who was dancing with some short blonde girl. When Aaron tapped his shoulder Kevin jumped.

“Hey, you wan’ dance?” Kevin asked, his head tilted to the side like a cute puppy.

Aaron immediately found himself nodding. Weird. Aaron had something to ask Kevin. Needed his help with something. He forgot everything the second those eyes were on him. He felt himself wetting his lips as he watched Kevin drag a hand through his hair. Aaron let out a small groan as he watched. He was hoping the music was too loud for Kevin to notice, but it evidently was not since Kevin’s eyes dilated and his mouth popped open.

Suddenly Aaron was spun around and Kevin’s hand were firmly attached to his hips. Kevin was swaying to some song by The Weeknd and using his hands to sway Aaron’s stunned hips with him. Aaron’s response was slowed by the alcohol in his system but soon he found himself not just swaying in front of Kevin but actively grinding his ass into him. Aaron was tired of analyzing his feeling for Kevin and he just wanted someone to fucking touch him, so he pushed away his fears and gave himself to the music and Kevin’s strong body. His head flopped back to rest on Kevin’s broad chest as his hips pressed back into Kevin’s. It was like his whole body sighed in that moment that they were finally connected. Kevin hummed, the sound vibrating Aaron’s entire body, and pulled him even closer.

When the song ended Aaron fought the part of him that felt right in Kevin’s embrace and stepped away. Turning around to make eye contact was a huge mistake for his confidence in his sexuality. Kevin looked like a goddamn masterpiece as he panted and searched Aaron’s face for any sign of rejection. Aaron found himself slipping his fingers into the hair at the base of Kevin’s neck and bringing his face down to kiss him.

This didn’t make sense, and Aaron was confused but he honestly didn’t give a single shit as he felt Kevin relax into him.

You've been out all night,

I don't know where you've been,

You're slurring all your words,

Not making any sense,

But I don't fucking care, at all

Kevin found himself starring at Aaron more and more since Friday. He couldn’t stop replaying their dance and kiss. He was nervous about Aaron’s reaction once he was sober so he has been avoiding him since they got back to Palmetto. It’s been one of the hardest things Kevin has had to do in a long time. He cares about Aaron and his feelings so if Friday night was just Aaron being drunk Kevin will accept it and try to move past his crush. Until he knows for sure Kevin has decided to just act like normal. Aaron has a lot more to figure out than Kevin does, so Kevin doesn’t mind not knowing for however long Aaron needs.

'Cause I have hella feelings for you,

I act like I don't fucking care,

Like they ain't even there,

Aaron hadn’t realized kissing someone could feel that good. The kiss turned him on. But Kevin’s kiss also made him feel warm inside, which was the part Aaron finds himself struggling with. He’s never been attracted to another man before. Being gay used to be something he was terrified of. Now that he had been in Palmetto with his family for so long he doesn’t feel that terror. He isn’t afraid of his feelings. He just doesn’t understand why Kevin Day of all people makes his heart race. Aaron has never had a love he can enjoy. He always had to walk on eggshells around Katelyn when he was angry, always careful not to say or do the wrong thing or she’d leave him. He was stupid. She did leave him, and here he is still standing. He might always fear someone he cares about leaving him or not loving him, but now he knows he’ll still be standing after they’re gone. So if he isn’t scared of his feelings, why was his stomach in knots? Aaron cursed himself quietly as he realized he’s terrified of losing Kevin. He knows now he can handle a break up but with Kevin it wouldn’t just be a break up. It’d probably destroy him. He doesn’t know when he came to think of Kevin as more important than anyone else but now that he’s here he doesn’t know if he could handle the heartache.

'Cause I have hella feelings for you,

I act like I don't fucking care,

'Cause I'm so fucking scared

Kevin sent Aaron a text telling him to meet him in the room in half an hour. Kevin was incredibly nervous. He had been shoving down his feelings for two weeks and after making out Friday for the second time he needed an answer. Aaron probably didn’t want all of Kevin’s emotional baggage. That’d explain why he had to have alcohol before he could kiss him in case he needed an excuse. Kevin was just too broken for someone as solid as Aaron.

I'm only a fool for you,

And maybe you're too good for me,

Aaron’s phone lit up as he received a text from Kevin telling him to meet him in the dorm in thirty minutes. Aaron’s heart started racing at the thought of being alone with Kevin. Was he ready to tell Kevin that he was too harsh, too angry for someone who had endured as much as Kevin had? He was surprised to feel a part of himself already mourning the loss. That part of him knew that if he’d let himself have Kevin he’d never let go. He wasn’t good enough for someone like Kevin. Never the less Aaron packed his books into his back pack and set off for the dorm room.

I'm only a fool for you,

But I don't fucking care, at all, oh

Kevin jumped as he heard the door open. He knew Andrew, Neil, and Nicky would be out for the next hour or so at least, so he steeled his spine and turned from the kitchen sink and looked at Aaron, who was frozen in the living room. Kevin didn’t know why Aaron wasn’t making eye contact, it seemed to be a bad sign. Kevin had prepared a speech and he was going to deliver it, damn it. He stepped into the living room, only a few paces from Aaron’s tense form.

“Aaron. I know you aren’t bi, but I need to let you know how I’m feeling. I like you. I could give you a list of all the reasons why, but I’d rather tell you those slowly over years of being together instead of dumping them at your feet and begging you to return my feelings. I know I’m shitty and have too much emotional baggage, but it comes down to this: I like you. I feel like we understand each other better than anyone else and when you kissed me last Friday I was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I want to feel that all the time. I want you to feel that all the time. I want to show you how amazing I think you are.” Kevin had tried to keep it short and simple but the words bubbled out of him anyways.

Kevin was immediately overwhelmed with embarrassment. Aaron obviously didn’t want to be with Kevin. He was straight. A voice in his head started chanting, “You fucked up” over and over again. Kevin mumbled an apology and started to head to his bedroom. He stepped wide around Aaron’s still frozen body and was almost to the door when he heard a loud bang and turned around to see Aaron rushing to him, his back pack on the ground.

“What are you-“ Kevin was cut off by Aaron pushing him against the wall and yanking his head down to meet Aaron’s waiting mouth.

[markonasurface]

9/50 - “Don’t call me that!”

Fandom: All for the Game/The Foxhole Court Characters/pairings: mostly the Monsters + Allison/kevin x allison Summary: Allison has news. A/N: A followup to “Could you be any louder?” I actually have two more parts written. One featuring Wymack x Kevin, the other featuring andreil + kevin sort of? idk it’s not finished.

A hurried knock interrupted Neil drawing fox paws on his finals study guide. He looked up at Andrew who was sitting on the desk next to his but he just took another drag from his cigarette and kept staring blankly out the window. Neither Nicky nor Aaron paused the video game they were playing.

Neil stood up as whoever was on the other side of their door knocked impatiently and didn’t stop. If Nicky wasn’t already in the room with them, he would’ve thought it was him.

He looked through the peephole and furrowed his brows. “Hey, did any of you do something to piss off Allison?”

No one answered so he unlocked the door and pulled it open.

“Where’s Kevin?” she demanded.

Kevin was the last person in the suite Neil expected Allison to come looking for. Andrew must have thought the same thing because he stubbed his cigarette out on the window sill and slid off his desk.

Allison huffed and pushed past Neil. He closed and locked the door before following Andrew down the short hall into their bedroom.

“What the fuck?” Kevin was sitting on his bed.

From the look of things Allison had shoved whatever Kevin had been studying off the bed and onto the floor. She glared at him.

“What the hell’d you do that for?”

Her voice was shrill when she told him, “If I can’t concentrate on studying for finals, neither can you.”

“What -?” Kevin stopped midsentence trying to catch whatever Allison was upending from her purse into his lap.

Neil looked at Andrew who had taken a step closer and actually looked a little surprised. Neil looked back at Kevin whose face had paled. He had picked one of the things up and was staring at it intensely.

“What are those?” Neil asked, curiosity finally getting the better of him.

“We had sex one time!” Kevin finally found his voice after a solid minute of opening and closing his mouth like a fish on dry land.

“We had unprotected sex one night,” Allison corrected.

Kevin stood up, some of the white and pink sticks falling onto the floor. His fists were clenched at his sides. “What about what’s-his-face from the basketball team? You two were together for a couple of months.”

“It’s not his,” Allison was adamant.

“Why?” Kevin sounded exasperated and his voice got louder as he went on. “Because he cheated on you? Wouldn’t you rather have a kid with someone who actually liked you at one point than someone who hates you, who has always hated you and always will?”

“Wait,” Neil finally caught on. “You’re pregnant?”

“Holy shit!” Nicky and Aaron had come to investigate the yelling just as Allison slapped Kevin.

He gripped his cheek, nails digging into the chess piece under his eye.

“Fuck you.” Allison forced herself to look at her audience as she stormed past them.

“You already did!” Kevin called after her.

Neil couldn’t read the look in Andrew’s eyes as he studied Kevin. Nicky went over and gingerly picked up a stick.

“You’re Allison’s baby daddy?” Nicky looked torn between concern and laughter.

“Don’t call me that!” Kevin snapped.

“That’s what you are.” Andrew said bluntly. He hoisted himself onto the dresser and lit a cigarette by the open window.

Kevin was shaking. Even though he sounded angry, they all knew him well enough to know he was scared. “She had a boyfriend. Do you think they used a condom every time they fucked?”

“She must be pretty sure,” Nicky reasoned. “Why else would she tell you it’s yours?”

“Because -”

Aaron cut him off before he could come up with anything. “Because you have money? Allison already has that. Because you care about her so much? You don’t. Because your stable upbringing will make you a good father? You didn’t have a good one.”

“Because she’s honest,” Nicky said. “Or maybe because she lives with Dan and everybody remembers how pissed off she was when she found out nobody told Coach he was your father.”

“What’s the big deal?” Neil asked, genuinely confused. When the others looked at him like he was an idiot, he said, “Money’s not a problem. You and Allison will both be good parents. Yeah, the little Lord still owns you but as long as you get signed after you graduate - which everyone knows you will - he’ll leave you alone.”

There was another knock on their door, insistent. Neil went to answer it.

“Where’re the others?” Dan asked, looking angry.

Neil gestured toward the bedroom and stepped aside to let her in. He followed her back.

“What the hell did you do to Allison?” Dan was staring daggers at Andrew’s profile. “The freshmen said they saw her come out of your room. What did you do to her?”

“You don’t know?” Nicky breathed out in disbelief. “There goes my theory.”

“Why don’t you go ask Allison?” Aaron was annoyed at her intrusion.

Dan put her hands on her hips. “Because she locked herself in the bathroom and won’t come out.”

Neil reached out and touched Dan’s elbow. She whirled around, on edge. “What?”

“I think you should really ask her.” Neil said to Dan but made sure to meet Kevin’s eyes.

“Ask her what?” Kevin desperately croaked.

Neil ignored Dan’s perplexed gaze. “Why she’s so sure?”

He nodded once, determined. “Can I have a drink first?”

“No!” Nicky exclaimed. “That’s how you got into this mess in the first place!”

“It was a joke, Nicky.” Neil moved out of the doorway so Kevin could get through. “I think.”

Kevin walked through the fifth year seniors’ unlocked door. Matt and Renee startled.

“What the hell?” Matt demanded. Dan shook her head.

Kevin ignored them and went straight to the bathroom door. He could hear stifled sobs and he had to resist the urge to make a beeline right back to his room.

Matt, Renee, and Dan came up behind him. “What are you doing?”

Kevin knocked on the bathroom door. It was his usual imperious knock, if a bit timid.

“Please, I just want to be alone,” Allison cried.

“It’s me, Kevin.”

There was a surprised intake of air and a choked sob. “Fuck off.”

“I want to talk,” he ground out. “Let me in.”

He waited a few moments. Allison didn’t answer so he said, “Let me in, Allison. I want to ask you a few questions. Your three girlfriends are right behind me and I’d prefer to have this conversation in private but I’ll start talking from out here if you make me.

“Fine,” Kevin grunted. “How do you know that -”

They heard the door unlatch and Allison opened it a crack. Kevin turned to the other three and said, “This doesn’t concern you. Go away.”

He slipped into the bathroom and Allison locked it behind him. He turned on the shower before facing her. Her eyes were red and puffy and her nose was leaking. Of course she was one of those people who still looked beautiful even when they were crying.

“How do you know that I’m the father?”

“Because,” Allison tried to hold back her tears.

Kevin grabbed her arm. “Because why? Why don’t you think it’s your ex-boyfriend��s?”

“We didn’t have sex,” Allison admitted. She didn’t try to free herself from Kevin’s grip. “He kept saying he wanted it to be special and it was all bullshit. He fucked the first girl he could as soon as I was away.”

His hand slowly dropped and he sank to the floor. “Fuck.” He linked his fingers behind his head. “You’re keeping it?”

“Of course I’m keeping it!” Allison was offended. She swiped her hand under her nose and said, “I’m not as heartless and vain as everyone seems to think I am.”

“That’s not what I -”

“Yes, it is.” Her anger was sobering. “I made the stupid decision to sleep with you and this is the result. It’s not this thing’s fault I’m an idiot.”

Kevin’s nails clawed at the tile. “I still have a year of college left. You have your future ahead of you. You don’t have to keep it.”

Allison glared. “Have you seen what the foster system did to Andrew? No fucking way am I putting a kid through that. Fuck you. Get the fuck out if all you want to do is talk about getting rid of it. Go ahead and pretend this never happened. After this week you’ll never have to be in the same room as me again.”

She yanked the door open and gestured mockingly. Kevin stood up and with one hand pushed it closed again.

“I’m just trying to find the easiest solution here.”

“Seriously? This is the one thing you want to take the easy way out for?”

Kevin gritted his teeth. “This will be harder for you than it will be for me.”

“And yet I’m the one willing to accept the consequences and you’re trying to find a way out.” He shook his head but Allison held up a hand. “This is your way out. Right now.”

Neither of them dared look away first. Finally Kevin held out a hand. “Come on.”

Allison jerked back, shocked. “What?”

“Nicky knows and he has a big mouth.” Kevin explained. “We need to tell Coa - my father before someone else does.”

She ignored his hand but opened the bathroom door again. She turned off the shower and followed him out, pointed when he asked, “Where’re your keys?”

Kevin ignored the others and went straight out into the hall. He stuck his head back in when she didn’t follow and said pointedly, “Allison.”

She stood frozen looking between her friends and Kevin. “I’ll be back,” she muttered.

“Do you want one of us to come with you?” Dan asked.

Shaking her head, she tried to manage a reassuring smile but had to stop to swallow the rising bile in her throat. “We’ll be fine,” Allison said, knowing they thought she meant herself and Kevin.

“Allison,” Kevin said again, impatiently.

She narrowed her eyes. Kevin was infuriating and she was grateful. It grounded her and made her feel like herself to get annoyed and angry with him. She looked at her friends. “We’ve just gotta go tell Coach he’s gonna be a grandpa.”

Because I saw this post

http://maelerie.tumblr.com/post/135803922052/send-me-two-characters-or-more-and-a-prompt-and

[treshorneboys]

I know why the caged bird sings

Read it on AO3

Chapter 2/? | 1

Knowing that Kevin had been a highly sought-after musician since he was six years old, Neil wasn’t surprised when he was led to an obviously expensive, sleek black car. However, what did surprise him was the fact that Andrew, not Kevin, pulled the car remote out of his pocket.

“Duffle in the trunk. The guitar can go on the back seat with you.”

Neil rushed to comply, even though he was loathe to leave his duffle alone. He noticed Kevin beeline straight for the shotgun seat whilst Andrew entered the driver’s side. As he slid into the backseat, Kevin caught his confused gaze in the mirror; the way it bounced between him and Andrew, and correctly guessed his unspoken question.

“If you think I would waste money on a laughably frivolous thing like this car, you’re more stupid than I thought.”

Neil’s questioning gaze moved to Andrew, who was busy reversing. Still, he raised his eyebrow.

“Best and only gift my mother’s given me.”

Neil turned that over in his mind as Andrew started driving. Andrew drove recklessly and dangerously; weaving through streets and around cars like a needle through thread, seemingly ignorant of the horns beeping at his barely-announced turns and merges. The radio was tuned to a generics hits station that none of them were listening to, and Neil was watching the scenery flash past in a blur. He let the mundanity of it all lull him and let his mind go blank.

Their destination was a two-story house painted an off-white, a small porch wrapping around the front. It was all very… normal; more normal than Neil would have really given Andrew and Kevin credit for. There weren’t any other cars in the driveway, though Neil noticed that some lights in the house were on.

“How many people, exactly, do you live with?” Neil asked, trepidation suddenly worming its way into his stomach. The last time he had been in a house with a large number of people was when he was still living with his father.

“The whole band,” Kevin answered, “since they’re all Andrew’s family it makes sense for them to live with us, as well as the fact it’s just more convenient.”

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” Andrew responded smoothly, “which reminds me. I need to have a word with Neil, so why don’t you go warn Aaron and Nicky of our arrival.”

Kevin opened his mouth halfway, presumably to argue, however he thought better of it when Andrew sent him a look. With only minimal huff, he levered himself out of the car and marched to the front door, which he opened with his own keys and disappeared into.

“Front seat,” Andrew said, releasing his hands from their grip on the steering wheel and turning to rummage for something in his door. By the time Neil had gotten out of the car and re-entered on the passenger's side, Andrew had dug out a packet of Marlboro Reds. He shook out a cigarette from the half-empty packet, lit it with a rectangular silver lighter, and took a drag; holding the smoke in his lungs while giving Neil an assessing gaze before blowing the smoke out the window.

It reminded him terribly of his mother.

“One house rule you should probably know, as I’m feeling quite generous today,” he flicked the ash from the tip of his cigarette out the window, “don’t touch my things. There will be consequences if you do.”

Neil knew innately that when Andrew said ‘things’, he didn’t actually mean objects.

“I thought you said being related doesn’t mean you’re family,” Neil replied. The smell of the smoke made Neil more relaxed than he really should be, even though Neil’s mother smoked Sterlings.

Andrew gave him a blank stare before raising the cigarette to his lips, “no, it doesn’t,” he said, “but I keep my promises, no matter who I make them with.”

“Well don’t worry, I’m not interested,” Neil was aching to take the cigarette packet out of Andrew’s hands and light them one by one. Instead, Andrew stubbed his out.

“I don’t worry. Get your stuff.”

Neil did as he was told, and Andrew didn’t wait for him; when he opened the trunk to pull out his duffle, the familiar weight comforting, he heard the locks pop and looked over to see Andrew already walking into the house. Neil slammed it closed and made sure his duffel strap was secured around his shoulder, before deciding he couldn’t put it off any longer and followed after Andrew. He closed the front door behind him on his way in, and followed voices deeper into the house.

There were four people in the living room. Andrew was just settling into an armchair whilst Kevin was lounging on the couch. Two people who must’ve been Nicky and Aaron were sitting in bean bags near the flat screen TV, which was paused on some type of game. They were both looking at Neil. Immediately Neil knew which one was Aaron; he looked exactly like Andrew except for a few minor differences- while Andrew’s  shoulders were broad Aaron’s were narrower, where Andrew’s hair was grown out so that it curled around the nape of his neck Aaron’s was cropped neatly.  Aaron was also without the armbands that Andrew wore, even though the rest of their fashion sense was quite similar from what Neil could see- consisting of dark shirts and simple but expensive-looking jeans.

Which meant the person sitting in the other beanbag was most likely their cousin Nicky, though Nicky didn’t look anything like the twins. His skin was a chestnut brown, dark in comparison to their fair skin. His hair, black and falling to his shoulders in loose waves, and his eyes, ebony enough that the pupils almost got lost in them, were also a stark contrast to his cousin’s light gold colouring. He was the first one to greet Neil with a wide smile full of white teeth.

“You must be Neil,” he said, trying and failing to get out of his beanbag before just rolling out of it. Beside him, Aaron snorted.

“Just wait ‘till you try to get out of yours,” Nicky countered, then held out a hand, presumably for Neil to shake, “I’m Nicholas Hemmick, you can call me Nicky if you let me call you anytime.”

Neil heard a groan, though he was too busy staring at Nicky’s outstretched hand until the offending extremity was lowered. Nicky wiped his palm on his pants, his smile slightly dimmed but still wide.

“Kevin’s given us the basic rundown of why you’re here, so I’d like to formally welcome you to the band. We call ourselves Collateral Damage though the name is subject to change if you have any ideas. Our setup is in the basement, but it also acts as Kevin’s room because he’s a music freak and if he’s separated from it for like .2 seconds he stops functioning. Practice normally starts just after lunch because we run on Kevin Time and Kevin Time doesn’t exist until at least 9:30.”

Neil observed that Nicky very much liked to talk. He slightly tuned out after Nicky told him he’d be sleeping on the couch as they only have three other bedrooms, and directed his mind towards more pressing matters, such as where to stow his duffle. For now he’d just have to keep it on his person until he got a safe or something comparable the next day.

“And that’s basically the rundown!” Nicky declared, clapping his hands and startling Neil out of his thoughts. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Andrew watching him like a hawk.

“You forgot one thing,” Andrew said, tapping his fingers on the edge of his armchair; a pitter-patter sound, onetwothreefourfive, “I think we should take Neil out, an initiation if you will, perhaps at Eden’s.”

The responses to Andrew’s suggestion ranged from appalled to dismayed, and Kevin responded with a straight up, “no.”

Neil knew that whatever Andrew suggested, it wasn’t good.

To Neil’s surprise, Nicky spoke next in German, “Andrew you know what happened to the last potential band member we hired who you took to Eden’s. She almost straight-up killed herself. You can’t let that happen again.”

“You know that I will not let threats into my house unless I correctly prepare for them,” Andrew replied, also switching to German, “and Janie would’ve done it anyway, I just helped her along.”

It seemed as if Kevin didn’t speak the language, seeing as he was following the cousin’s exchange as if watching a tennis match. Aaron was looking on with slight interest, which made Neil assume that he shared the language with his relatives.

“Why don’t you get to know him like, I don’t know, a normal person?” Nicky exclaimed, then darted his eyes towards Neil and continued in a lower voice, “if you actually find any damning evidence against him then I can’t stop you, but at least give him a chance, please.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed and his mouth turned vaguely into a sneer. It was the most emotion Neil had seen him convey yet.

“You know I hate that word,” he snarled in English, before turning to Kevin, “and you?”

Kevin looked taken aback for a moment before settling his features into a good impression of a blank canvas.

“I won’t have you ruin our chance. He might be our only shot.”

Neil thought that they’d probably forgotten he was in the room.

Andrew growled unintelligibly before grabbing Kevin by the collar. Shock registered on Kevin’s face.

“I will keep my promise, no matter how much to try to undermine it with your stupidity.”

Andrew gave Neil one last scathing look before marching out of the room; Neil could hear his footsteps go up the stairs.

“Well,” Aaron deadpanned, “as interesting as that was, he’s going to be a real pain in the ass to deal with tomorrow,” he shot a glare at Neil, as if it was wholly his fault, “I’m going to bed.”

Aaron followed after his brother, and Nicky soon left as well, with a parting look at Neil. Kevin rose from his spot on the couch, and began making his way out too; though stopped halfway across the room and turned to Neil.

“I don’t care what you do in your free time, just make sure you’re here for practice. And try not to aggravate Andrew too much, he’s vicious.”

“Thanks for the warning,” Neil said drily, and Kevin shrugged and left the room.

Left alone to his thoughts, Neil went through the motions of his before-bed routine. Staying still to check that no one was coming downstairs again, he opened his duffel and began unpacking all his things, checking and double-checking the items in there. He’d have to stock up on hair dye and buy himself some toiletries, as there won’t be any shitty motel soap and he won’t stoop so low as to use some that belonged to the household. The last item in his bag, buried under everything, was an unassuming black binder, which he quickly rifled through to check that everything was in its place before painstakingly packing everything back in. It all fit perfectly.

He climbed onto the couch, setting a pillow behind his head and a blanket over his body. Neil assumed they were left by Nicky, he was sure that none of the others were civil enough to even think of it. Neil ket his duffle bag squeezed between him and the back of the couch; and even though its sharp edges were pressing into him it was still the most comfortable sleeping arrangement he’d had in days.

Even though he was bone-tired and sore, Neil slept lightly.