#aahhh i just wished i could live with my wife it would be the best option for both of us waahh

[tsugumichikaneshiro]

i really really want to move in with my wife i miss her... but i donttt have tha money to fly there.... 😓😓

[luna-orlha]

Title: La Naissance Fandom: Naruto Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff Ship: Sakura/Kakashi Characters: Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto Word count: 6576 Triggers(s): Depression Rating: T Additional Tags: Major character Death, Papa Kakashi, domestic fluff Summary: It’s after the war when Kakashi realises he’s in love with Sakura and has been dating for four years. And when things go wrong, Kakashi realises that he has no choice but to go on.

 Ao3

-/-/-/-

It’s after the war that Kakashi really looks at Sakura like he’s never seen her before. He hasn’t, if the jump in skills and change in personality is anything to go by. She notices him staring at her and smiles and for a split second, Kakashi thinks that he’s blinded. Her smile is so bright and sends so much emotion through him that he doesn’t know how to describe it.

Kakashi thinks it’s the post-war joy that is affecting him. He’s not entirely wrong, but post-war indicates only a brief moment of ‘I’m alive!’ joy.

He goes back to find Sakura over and over again, even years after the war has ended.

It’s almost four years later when he’s lying in bed with her hand curled around his shirt that Kakashi realises, ‘Shit, I’ve been dating her the last four years, haven’t I?’

-/-/-/-

“So I heard,” Genma says as he slides onto the barstool beside him. “Tomorrow’s the day, getting cold feet yet?”

Kakashi empties the cup of sake and pours himself another, choosing not to comment at the mildly unbelieving tone Genma had spoken in.

“My friend has found his Youthful Fires.” Gai grins. “I’m happy to hear it.”

“Her wedding kimono is gorgeous,” Kurenai says dreamily. “I was there with Hinata and Ino when she tried it on.”

Genma punches him playfully. “Lucky bastard.”

Kotetsu snorts. “Luck? Oh, you should have seen him fighting Tsunade for the right to marry her.”

Simultaneously the five jounins wince at the thought of fighting Tsunade.

“Bartender! Another sake for this man’s last day as a bachelor,” Genma calls out.

-/-/-/-

“Sakura? What are you doing with my Icha Icha?” Kakashi opens an eye and sighs.

“I’m preserving a memory!” she chirps, wiggling her bare feet in the air and catches a sakura flower with her toes. Kakashi leans back on his arm, watching her manoeuver her foot to her outstretched hand.

“There!” She grins at him, carefully closing his book and hands it to him mock solemnly. “The memory of today will be preserved in that book now and-”

“-Forever more,” he finishes her sentence, a smile playing upon his face. Carefully, Kakashi pulls her body flush against his, one hand banding around her shoulders, the other resting on her rounded belly. “And what memory would we be preserving today, Mrs Hatake?” he asks, his voice husky and barely audible.

Sakura slides her fingers between his fingers that are lying on her stomach and gazes at him through her eyelashes. “Oh I don’t know, Mr Hatake, what are we preserving today?” He feels his cock twitch at her whisper.

“Oh Mrs Hatake, I don’t know-” his fingers inch up her dress, sliding into her panties. Kakashi grins and bends down, catching her lips with his. “Perhaps you could suggest something,” he murmurs against her lips.

-/-/-/-

“Oh kammiiii,” Sakura moans, gripping tightly onto his hands.

“Just a few more pushes,” Shizune encourages her, as she had been since becoming fully dilated.

Kakashi could feel his bones fracturing under her grip that had only intensified along with her contractions. Now he felt like she was going to rip his fingers off. “You can do it sweetheart!” He says, wishing he could do something to ease her pain, knowing it was far worse than the inconvenience of a few mashed fingers.

“It’s crowning!” Shizune yells. “Give me one more big push!”

Sakura's grip tightens, her features mold into one of tired determination as she takes a deep breath. “YYYAAAAaaaahhh,” she screams and it's followed by the first wail of the child she's brought into the world before she falls back onto the bed, body quivering from exhaustion.

Kakashi could see Shizune running through a quick medical examination as the baby, his child, wails in her arms. She wraps the baby in a warm blanket and tucks it into Sakura’s arms. “Congratulations, Sakura and Kakashi. It’s a healthy baby boy.”

There are beads of tears caught on the tips of her eyelashes when Sakura turns to him. After the war, Kakashi had never wished more than now to have his sharingan back, to engrave this memory into his mind. The mother of his child, holding his firstborn in her arms. He presses his lips against her sweaty temple, feeling the surge of emotions in his chest, too much and too strong for him to describe it.

“Thank you, thank you,” he says. Kakashi gently rubs a gloved tipped finger across the baby, his son’s cheek. A tuft of silver hair, silver lashes against the still red skin. He wonders if his eyes would be green like Sakura’s or grey like his. Green, he hopes. Green like the Hashirama leaves, green like the grass in their front yard. All the things good in his life has been green.

“What do you want to call him?” Shizune asks while she fills out the medical sheet.

“Nouka. Hatake Nouka.”

Sakura laughs. “Really, Kakashi? You’re naming your first born, farmer?”

“It’s a Hatake clan tradition!” he replies, feeling defensive at her words.

“What about this instead? The ‘kumo’ from your father’s name can be read as ‘Un’ and if we add my father’s kanji. Unsui.”

“Hatake Unsui,” Kakashi rolls it on his tongue and nods. “I like it.”

Sakura kisses the silvery turf, her lips curving as she whispers, “welcome my beautiful Unsui-chan.”

-/-/-/-

Sakura is playing with Unsui, his son, with his pack sprawled out across the living room when Kakashi gets home from a short mission. Eight months later and he still can’t get over the fact that he has a son now. He drops his mission pack by the door and crouches beside them, watching Unsui putting blocks into the container then out of it.

If he told his eighteen year old self that everything would be okay, his eighteen year old self might not have believed him. His eighteen year old self was too stuck in the past to see all that had passed him. Perhaps it's fate in an abstract way. He hadn't been able to see the future until it struck him, literally. He smiles, remembering Sakura punching him across the training grounds after he insisted that he was too old for her.

Kakashi tucks himself around Sakura and Unsui, his long legs forming a loose circle around the two. “I’m home, sweetheart,” he whispers to her and kisses her neck. She smells like baby powder, milk and strawberries and he realises that he’s never been more turned by any other smell than this because this is his pack, this is home.

Sakura beams at him, cupping his face, and kisses his cheek. “Welcome home,” she says quietly. “He said his first word while you were gone.”

“What…?” Kakashi sulks, immediately deducing that it had been ‘mama’. Even with him not being on active duty, he’s still occasionally called in for a specialized skill. He can’t help and she doesn’t blame him, but oh how he misses them.

He palms her waist, nuzzling her neck.

“Oh, look Unsui-chan, see who’s home?” Sakura asks and points at him. “Can you remember Otousan? Can you say otousan?”

Kakashi shifts so that Unsui can reach up to him. He sees his little baby, slowly tilt his head, fingers reaching to his mask. “Bubububububububu,” Unsui says. “Doooooooo.”

“‘tousan,” Kakashi says, pointing to himself.

Unsui grips his finger, tugging the black mask down, his chubby cheeks stretching into a wide grin. “Tooooooooo. Toootooo!”

“Yes!” He bursts in a laugh, lifting and cradling Unsui close to his chest. “That’s right! Toto!”

He pulls Sakura into a passionate kiss.

He’s thirty-four now, with a beautiful wife and a beautiful son, and Kakashi thinks that all the things he had borne through the years has made this even sweeter. He wouldn’t give this back for the world.

-/-/-/-

“Say ahhhh,” Kakashi says, lifting the spoon up. “It’s eggplant. You like eggplant don’t you? Just like Otousan.” He waves motions with the spoon, making plenty of noises that send Unsui into peals of laughter. “Kunai is flying! You need to catch it! Where’s the cave?”

Unsui opens his mouth and Kakashi feeds the mash. “Ah, there’s the cave! Oh! My brave little shinobi caught it!” He wipes bits of the food off his son’s cheek and raises an eyebrow at the blond staring at him shocked.

“Kaka-sensei talking that baby talk. Oh by the shodaime-” Naruto starts and is immediately cut off by Sakura’s quick jab to Naruto’s windpipe.

“If you swear around Unsui, I will personally get shishou to ensure that you’ll be doing D-ranks for as long as it takes for Unsui to unlearn it.” Sakura clenches her fist at him. “Are we clear?”

Naruto gulps. “Crystal.”

Kakashi scoops another spoonful of mash and eyes Naruto. “Why are you here anyway?”

Naruto scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Well, I wanted to invite you to my wedding. Hinata says it’s best to do it in person. Especially when… when… when… Iwantyoutobemyadoptivefatherfortheceremony.”

Kakashi blinks at the rush of words then asks, “If I’m the adoptive father for the ceremony, does that mean Sakura is your adoptive mother?”

Sakura muffles a snort.

“Holy shodaime balls! No!”

Kakashi quickly claps his hands over Unsui’s ears. “Oh no. Unsui-chan, don’t follow this nii-chan’s example okay?”

Unsui giggles. “Da-me balls!”

“No! Unsui-chan! Don’t say that!” Naruto flails, trying to get the one year old to stop repeating his words.

“NA-RU-TO-KUN!” Sakura pulls on her gloves, the leather creaking as she clenches her fist.

“Daime balls!”

Kakashi groans and hangs his head. “This blond an idiot. And this idiot will be doing D-ranks for the next foreseeable months.”

“Kaka-senseeeei,” Naruto whines before he’s dragged into the training grounds by Sakura. “Help!”

“Soodaime balls!” The one year old swings his feet, clapping excitedly at Kakashi.

-/-/-/-

Kakashi can hear Sakura’s quiet breathing next to him, he feels her warm breath against his chest. If he enhances his hearing with chakra, he would be able to hear Unsui’s in the room across the hallway where Uhei is currently guarding him.

He slides his hand through her pink hair, relishing in the now-long locks running through his fingers. Sakura shifts, her hand curling on his chest. Even in the dim moonlight, Kakashi could make out the dip of her breast, the curve of her shoulders. He presses his lips against her temples, breathing in the scent that he had come to recognise as uniquely Sakura’s.

The feeling in his chest swells and it feels like he’s going to burst. Kakashi knows he’s not. He’s read enough Icha Icha to know what this feeling means, this press against his heart when he looks down at his wife and his son. Jiraiya had somehow known about this before Kakashi, himself, had. How, he can’t fathom. Their relationship had developed so gradually that before he has realised it, he’s asking Tsunade, Sakura’s official guardian, and her parents for their blessings.

When had he fallen in love with her? Kakashi stares at the planters on their window, watching leaves sway in the breeze. Was it the first time she had punched the ground during the second bell test? Or that time when she had single-handedly dragged him out of the enemy’s hands? And how had he taken to long to realise it?

He tightens his grip around her, savouring the way her hip fits his hand so perfectly. Not so many years ago, he had spent his nights alone in that cold, small bed with nothing but Icha Icha and his right hand for company. His mornings then were filled with exhaustion and struggles to get up. Now he can’t figure how he had lived without her, without them.

Her eyelashes flutter against his skin and she blinks, her hand moving up to his shoulder blades. “I can hear you thinking from here. What is it?”

Kakashi bends and captures her lips with his, his hands moving to push her up closer to him. Her legs astride him, her arms bracketing his head as she chases his lips, deepening the kiss. Sakura grinds her hips down, eliciting a groan from him as he grew hard.

Flipping them, he gazes at her, heart giddy. Kakashi brushing a strand of hair from her face, and caresses her cheek. “I love you so much,” he tells her. Her eyes danced in merriment, the corners of her eyes crinkling into that distinct manner he’s come to recognise as ‘I always had known that’.

“I love you too,” she says. Her hand moving down to cup his ass. Sakura leans forward, her lips on the shell of his ear as her other hand trails down his abdomen. “Now that I’m awake, how about we get started with junior number 2?”

-/-/-/-

Kakashi sets a cold towel on the back of her neck as Sakura heaves into the toilet bowl. Rubbing her back, Kakashi sends a flash of soothing chakra into her coils like the medic-nin had shown him. Unsui’s first trimester hadn’t been this bad.

Outside in the living room, Bisuke and Urushi are distracting his three year old with ‘ninja’ games. Sakura looks up at him, pale and almost oddly sunken. “Urushi is looking after Unsui at the moment,” Kakashi tells her, understanding her look.

She nods and wipes the spittle away, accepting the cup of sparkling lemonade he hands her. Drinking the whole glass in a go, Sakura holds the cup out for another, finding the energy to speak. “I’m starting to hate lemonade,” she grumbles.

“Maa… but it’s the only thing you can keep down,” he says, trying to placate her.

“I still hate it.”

He sits behind her and Sakura leans her weight on him. His hand is loosely cupping the soon-to-be bump, his thumb stroking the exposed skin between her shirt and pants. “Well, when you’re feeling better, we can all go out for yakiniku. That Akimichi place down the street.”

She grunts. Turning to press her face into his shirt, Sakura wraps her arms around him. “You know what I think?” She sets her chin on his chest. Her green eyes gazing at him through her pink lashes.

“I’m not kissing you after you’ve just vomited,” Kakashi teases. He leans his forehead against hers and kisses her nose instead.

“Fine, but I think we should name this kid after a flower,” she says.

“A flower.”

“Well, Harunos are usually named after flowers! If we get a girl, we should name her Yuriko or Tsubaki.”

“And if it’s a boy?” Kakashi hands the toothbrush and toothpaste over to her.

Sakura hums thoughtfully, squeezing the toothpaste onto the brush. “Sagiso!” she exclaims.

“Sagiso,” he deadpans. “My poor son will be called Sagiso.”

“It’s a nice name! And a very pretty flower. And it has white petals that looks kinda like your hair.” She motions to his wild hair that couldn’t be flattened due to the lightning chakra that Hatakes usually have.

Choosing to neither agree nor disagree, Kakashi only hums in concession.

-/-/-/-

The metallic smell wakes Kakashi. He’s up in an instant, ready to fight, only that there’s nothing to fight. His pants are heavy with the stench of blood, and Sakura-.

Oh sage.

“Sakura?” He reaches to cradle her, not sure it’s a good idea. Sakura is the one with the medic training and none of the books he read covered ‘what to do when your seven month pregnant wife is bleeding heavily,’ but he’s seen Sakura bounce back from injuries that would have been fatal to a normal shinobi.

“Ka...shi… hos-”

Kakashi barely catches her whisper before he slides her onto his arms and leaps off the balcony. His foot knocks the planter, sending the hydrangeas to the ground. With some chakra adjustments, Kakashi makes it to the roof; the tiles cracking underneath his feet from sloppy chakra control. He’s usually better than this, but his wife is bleeding in his arms as he dashes crazily along the rooftops.

“MEDIC!” he hollers, bursting through the emergency room. A stretcher appears and the medics quickly cart her away, some already hovering their green-lit palms over her abdomen.  He hurries after them and then stops when the operating room doors shut in his face.

“What happened?” A brown haired nurse appears at his elbow with a clipboard.

“I don’t know,” Kakashi tells her. Shame and guilt flooding him. He should have been more vigilant, done something.

“Had she complained about pain in her abdomen before? Or maybe spot bleeding?” the nurse asks.

“No. Nothing.” He wonders if there had been something and something that Sakura hadn’t told him. There is no reason that he can think of for Sakura not to tell him. Under his request, he had been taking fewer missions and mostly low ranked missions so that he’s around more often.

Should he have stopped altogether? No, there had always been the question of if they had enough money. Still, even with his missions, he had been there for every doctor’s visit. There wasn’t anything that he missed out, right?

Kakashi sinks onto the cold bench, staring at the doors. He sees Tsunade tugging on a coat as she runs down the hallway and into the same doors and the pool of unease grows. Tsunade will fix everything, right?

Sakura will walk out of there, looking sheepish and with an embarrassing story to tell. Tsunade will berate them for scaring years off her life and force them to buy the most expensive liquor for compensation. Sakura will scold him for breaking the planters. He’ll probably be forced to do D ranks to repair all the roof tiles he broke on the way here and Unsui- Oh thank the sage Bull and Pakkun are on Unsui watch tonight. Pakkun would know what to do.

He dips his head down, elbows digging into his thighs. Sakura’s blood has crusted on his sweatpants and his skin.

“Here.” Kakashi sees a damp towel in his vision and when he doesn’t take it, the calloused hands start wiping the blood from his arms.

“She’ll be fine,” the voice says. He looks up and sees Gai wiping the blood intently. “Her Youth burns brightly,” he grins albeit too brightly and Kakashi can see the tension in it.

Kakashi doesn’t know how long he sat there, only that Genma and Ino wanders in later, taking a seat beside him and Naruto joins much later.

-/-/-/-

Tsunade’s face is pale, dark circles rimming her eyes when she exits the operating room. He knows it even without her speaking a single word. Still, he rises from his vigil.

“Sakura?” he asks.

“I’m sorry Kakashi. I tried...”

He hears a roaring sound drowning his ears, his heart beating erratically in his chest. The world spins in his vision, only the grip on his arm stops from falling as his legs seemingly cease to work. Kakashi could hear a low whine, a whine that he realises is coming from him. An arm wraps around his waist, supporting him.

“Kakashi, take a deep breath.” He hears Gai’s voice by his ear.

“...the baby, your son… we managed to save him.” Her hand is shaking when Tsunade reaches out to grip his other shoulder. She steers him into a room where an incubator sits. The baby is so much smaller and quieter than Unsui was.

“He just needs to stay in the hospital for awhile while we get his weight and development up,” Tsunade tells him, her hand still tight on his shoulder.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Kakashi-”

“Whatever you recommend, okay. I just- I just need to see her.”

Her eyes soften and she hugs him until Kakashi thinks his ribs creak. “This will get better. I promise it doesn’t look like it now, but it will.”

“Please… can I see her?”

She leads him down the hallway, uncaring of Yamato and Gai now tagging behind him, and pushes open a door. On the cold metal table is Sakura, her hands placed on her chest.

Kakashi sags. He’s not supposed to lose another precious person. The war is over! It’s an era of peace! He’s not supposed to lose her. Was there something he could have done? Something that could have stopped this?

Useless.

He barely notices the two hands holding him up as he stumbles towards her. In repose, she looks like she is just sleeping.

“Was there something that I could’ve done more? If I had noticed something different, woke up earlier, SOMETHING?” he roars, trying to drown out the swarming thoughts.

“Something? Don’t you think I feel the same way? I am- was her primary medic. I should have seen something, not you. Maybe if I had done more tests, seen her more frequently.” Tsunade clenches a fist on her sleeve. “But Kakashi, I did all of that. She’s Sakura, I hadn’t skimped on any of it. I know that. You know that. And you didn’t skimp on any of that. You were there for every medic appointment.”

She cups his head, forcing him to stare at her. Her yin seal is faded like she’s used it. Her eyes are wet and red, her lips are trembling as she speaks. “I hate to say this and as shinobis, we all hate to hear this, but it’s just fate. Okay? You have to accept that...”

Kakashi lets Yamato help him home, lets Gai put him to bed like a little child.

“Don’t worry, Genma brought Unsui-chan home for the moment. Ino-san will take care of him,” Gai tells Kakashi before he can ask. “We are here for you.”

-/-/-/-

Kakashi stares at the plume of smoke in the air. Unsui is hugging his left leg, dressed in his black kimono.

She wasn’t supposed to die. It should have been me. We should have been happy with Unsui.

He swallows hard, fists clenching so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

“Senpai…” Yamato holds out the urn, Sakura’s urn.

We were supposed to grow old together.

He takes the urn, it’s still warm from the cremation. Kakashi always thought that if either of them died, it would be during a mission. He remembers cradling her across the rooftops. The blood dripping from the blankets he carried her in. He remembers the dim glow of her fingers as she attempted to stop the bleeding.

Kakashi closes his eyes, letting Gai carry Unsui. The procession feels longer than it probably is and shorter than he would remember it. He stares at the white marble with Sakura’s name engraved on it and the hole ready for the urn.

He should be crying or raging at the unfairness, but all he feels is this emptiness in his chest. He carefully puts the urn in the hole, watching the grave keepers seal her monument over the urn. Yamato offers him a white chrysanthemum to place on her grave.

“She should have sakura flowers,” Kakashi says, his lips twisting sardonically.

“She would have hated it,” Ino tells him.

“She would have, wouldn’t she?” Kakashi agrees, Sakura had always thought Sakura was a bad name for a shinobi.

-/-/-/-

It’s two days later when Kakashi finally drags himself to the hospital. Shizune is checking his son’s vitals when the nurse leads him into the room.

“You’re here!” Shizune says in a surprised tone. “Where’s Unsui-chan?”

“He’s at Genma’s house. Ino is babysitting him.” Kakashi sticks his hands deep into his pockets, wishing desperately he could just run away, but he can’t. No matter the circumstances, this is still his son.

“Ah, Unsui-chan does get along well with Inojin-chan.” She fiddles a bit more with the monitor. “Do you… want to touch him?”

Kakashi takes a hesitant step towards the incubator. “Can I?”

Shizune nods and pulls a glove with seals all over his hand. “So you can put this on and use a little chakra to turn on the seals. This will prevent any contamination entering the incubator.”

The glove hums alight as he circulates his chakra into the seals. His second born is so much tinier than Unsui ever was.  

“Have you thought of a name for him?” Shizune asks gently.

Kakashi rubs a shaking thumb over his son’s tuft of hair, reminded of how Unsui had looked when he was just born. Except it’s not silver hair, it’s pink, pink that is so pale it looks almost like silver. The baby opens an eye and yawns. His eyes are grey like his. A sense of protective feeling overcomes him. This child, his son, is Sakura’s last testament. She is gone now, but he has to- has to protect him.

“Sagiso,” he tells her after a long while. “Hatake Sagiso,” Kakashi repeats, struggling to still his quivering jaws. Sakura had picked that name, Sakura liked that name. The irony that she named their son after a white orchid when he has pink hair isn’t lost on him and neither does the meaning of the flower.

“That’s a nice name. My thoughts will follow you into your dreams. What a flower meaning to name your son after. Can’t say I expect a poetic name like that from you. I expected maybe field or ploughing,” Shizune teases gently.

Suddenly his eyes feel hot and Kakashi has to look up at the ceiling to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. “Sakura picked it.”

She smiles a melancholic smile. “Sakura was always good at picking names, wasn’t she?”

“She was…” Kakashi agrees as he rubs his son’s head.

-/-/-/-

Kakashi wakes up, reaches to his left and stops when his hand falls empty. He stares at the bed, at Sakura’s spot. Closing his eyes, Kakashi tries to recall Sakura in bed; her hand tangled on the hem of his shirt, nose nuzzling his neck, her cold feet stuck against his calves. He takes a shuddering breath, the void in his chest clawing at his heart.

She’s dead, remember?

He brings his palm to his face, running it down with a forceful slow breath. His lungs are still protesting for more air. Used to his occasional panic attacks, Kakashi slow counted to ten as he breathed in and out. Except his panic attacks never used to include Sakura.

His heart lurches at the thought of her. No more playful pranks, no more of her cooing at him for whatever silly reason she comes up with.

“Boss?” He hears Pakkun’s claws clatter on the wooden floor as he jumps to push open the door.

Pakkun, he wants to say but he’s too tired to even speak.

Undeterred by his lack of response, the little dog leaps onto the bed, circling the spot on his left then lies down, slumping his head on his chest. “Come on boss, you need to get up.” Pakkun nudges him with a plaintive whine. “Get up before I call the rest of the pack.”

Pakkun nips his hand with a growl. “Unsui still needs his breakfast, boss. Are you going to let your pup starve?”

Have to cook breakfast for Unsui.

Kakashi opens his eyes and sighs, trying to will himself to sit up.

“Fine, stay there and rot for all I care,” Pakkun snarls. He jumps off the bed, his paws padding out and down the hallway. Kakashi hears him barking at the rest of the pack followed by a jangle of metal. Whatever Pakkun is up to, Kakashi can’t bring himself to care. He stares up at the white ceiling.

Maybe if I go back to sleep, I won’t wake up.

He hears the slow lumbering steps of Unsui mixed with the myriad of nails tapping then pausing outside his half-opened door.

“...don’t disturb him…” Kakashi catches Bisuke saying. Not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation, he shifts to face the window. The planter is still half broken on the floor, the flowers wilting from the lack of watering. He pulls Sakura’s pillow in, breathing in her scent. Only a month and her smell is already fading.

What if I could find a jutsu to preserve her smell?

“Kaka-sensei! I’m here!” His blond haired student jumps through the window and pauses when his feet crunch on the broken pottery. “Errrr… why are the hydrangeas on the floor? And they’re wilted! They need lots of water, ‘ttebayo! Aww you poor plant, I’ll go get you a new pot, eh?”

Naruto makes a cross seal, forming three clones that spring into action. One sweeping the soil up, the other jumping out of the window and the other scooping the plant up. Pakkun lands on the window ledge, shooting Naruto a look. “RIGHT! Enough with this moping.” Naruto drags him off the bed and down the hallway, navigating through the ninken and into the kitchen “Hi Unsui-kun! I’m just here to drag your lazy otousan’s ass out of bed!” He shakes Kakashi like he’s a piece of rag at Unsui who giggles.

“Wacha having for breakfast?” He asks Unsui as he dumps Kakashi into the opposite seat. Unsui lifts his cup and Naruto exaggeratedly peers into it. “I see something white... Is that… cheese? No? Ah… maybe it’s... tofu?”

“No! It’s milk!”

“Ah... milk is a good breakfast but you know what’s better?” Naruto leans down and loudly whispers, “Ramen! Ramen is an even better breakfast and don’t let Ino-obasan know I told you that.”

Unsui giggles at Naruto’s loud sigh when he opens the cupboards and fridge. “I guess no ramen for breakfast. But… there’s eggs ‘ttebayo! Unsui-kun, how do you like your eggs?”

“Rolled!” Unsui chirps, carefully sipping on his milk on the edge of the table. Urushi supports the cup with his head before Unsui tips the entire cup onto himself instead.

“Sir, yes sir!” Naruto sketches out a salute then sets out warm rice, miso soup and pickles that Kakashi hadn’t noticed him carrying; deftly frying the egg into a rolled omelette and cutting it into small slices for Unsui to eat. “Here you go! A big kid like you needs a proper breakfast, even if it isn’t ramen.”

He sets a portion in front of Kakashi and sticks a pair of chopsticks into his hands. “You are going to eat everything and when you’re done, we are going to talk.”

Slowly, he diligently eats mouthful after mouthful, letting the endless chattering of Naruto wash over him.

“...then I told Hinata-obasan. Kouta-chan better like ramen cuz she ate all my ramen, ‘ttebayo. Anyway, Kouta-chan is a bit lonely, would you like to play with him today?”

Unsui pauses in his eating and frowns. “But it’s Tuesday. Kaa-chan and I always go to Ino-bachan’s house on Tuesday. Ino-bachan always makes anpan for me… where’s kaa-chan? I miss kaa-chan… I want kaa-chan...”

So do I.

Kakashi looks away, staring at the cabinets. Sakura’s cup is still perched beside the toaster, clean and ready for her morning cup, but she’ll never drink from it again.   

“I’m sorry Unsui-kun. You know that your kaa-chan died, right?” Naruto kneels beside the four year old and cleans his messy face. “That means we can’t see her again.”

“Why did she die?”

Kakashi could now see the great dad Naruto is, that Sakura mentioned in passing. It should be him comforting his own kid and he can't even do it. How useless he is without Sakura. Guilt churns in his stomach.

“She got hurt so bad that even Tsunade-baachan couldn’t fix. But as long as you remember her, she’ll always be in our hearts. Okay?” Naruto wipes Unsui’s clothes and Unsui nods reluctantly. “Now, Hinata-obasan told me she would make some anpan for snacks today and maybe you can ask her for ramen for lunch!? Does that sound good? Hinata-obasan’s ramen is pretty good too! Do you like chashu ramen? Yes? That’s Kouta-chan’s favourite too!”

Naruto forms another clone and his clone picks Unsui up and says, “Now shall we go find Ino-basan then go find Kouta-chan? I’m sure Inojin-chan would love to join us too.”

The clone continues talking as he jumps out of the window, leaping across the rooftops. The room falls silent with the ninken dismissing themselves in a puff of smoke. Naruto turns back and sighs.

“Kaka-sensei, you didn’t finish your food.” Naruto drops into the chair in front of him. “Sakura-chan wouldn’t want to see you like this, ‘ttebayo. You’re sad and that’s okay. Ino-chan and I are happy to help watching over Unsui while you get yourself together, but Unsui-kun is sad too. He still needs his father ‘ttebayo.”

Naruto taps the table distractedly, leg pistoning up and down. “Neh, Kaka-sensei? Have you cried? Sakura-chan told me… after I finally met my otousan and lost him again… That sometimes the best way to conquer your emotions… to get it out… is a good cry dattebayo. ” He scratches his sideburn. “She’s… not wrong… ‘ttebayo.”

He'd always thought that out of everyone he'd met in his life, across all the nations, that Sakura was always the smartest than all of them. Kakashi hangs his head down over his half-eaten bowl of rice. How is he going to survive without her?

“Sakura-chan told me after Ero-sennin’s funeral. There are only two roads ahead of you now. You can spiral into despair and dishonour his memory, or you can stand and keep going regardless of how it is, because that what he stood for.”

-/-/-/-

Sagiso is awake when Kakashi finally goes to check on him. He bends to pick up Sagiso and Sagiso raises a hand, giggling at him. Kakashi cries and wishes Sakura was here to see it.

“‘tousan, why are you crying?” Unsui asks, tugging his pants. Kakashi crouches and holds Unsui close.

Instead of squirming away like he usually does, Unsui pats his face and says, “Pain fly fly away.” His three year old leans in and gives him a peck on a cheek. “There, no more pain. When kaachan does that, the pain goes away.”

Unsui hangs his head, twisting his fingers on the hem of his shirt. “When is kaachan coming back? I miss her...”

“Unsui-kun, kaachan died.” He ruffles his son’s silver hair, pressing a kiss on the crown of his head. “You know what that means right?”

Unsui allows Kakashi to seat him onto a thigh and wraps his small hands around Kakashi’s neck. “That means we will never see her again. But as long we remember her, she lives in us.”

He carries Unsui and Sagiso to the mirror and points at the mirror. “She lives on in you and your otouto. See your green eyes?”

“Otouto has pink hair like kaachan.”

“Yes, yes he does.”

Unsui looks at Kakashi and pats his face. “If Otouto has pink hair like kaachan and I have her green eyes, then what do you have?”

Kakashi holds his two sons tighter and leans his face against Unsui’s small hands. “I have both of you.”

-/-/-/-

It takes Kakashi awhile, and a lot of help from Ino and Naruto, to manage being a single father. His father must have had it worse, he realises. He never had any memory of any other adult being there regularly for him as Ino and Naruto have been for his children.

Without realising it, Sagiso is now six and is at his first day in the academy with his nii-san, to watch over him while he’s there.

Kakashi sits in the living room blankly wondering how time had passed by him so fast. His days that had been filled with a myriad of looking after his children, training them in the Hatake katas and short term missions are now empty.

He dresses slowly, taking the pleasure of having nowhere or no one to hurry to, pulling his mask on as he leaves the small house. The wind dances across his hair as he ambles down the path to Yamanaka Flowers.

“Oh! Kakashi!” Genma greets, his senbon tilting up with his smile. “Here for Ino?”

Kakashi shakes his head. “Flowers actually.” He scratches the back of his head, slightly embarrassed. “Can I get a pink hydrangea bouquet?”

The smile on Genma’s face dims slightly. “Visiting Sakura, eh?” he says, hands already deftly wrapping one. “Come over for dinner, Ino’s cooking eggplant curry tonight.”

“Maa… we’ll see.” He rests the bouquet against his shoulder, the other hand deep in his pocket. His fingers itch for something to block the looks from the passersby. Perhaps he could get a book later? Kakashi slouches deeper, focusing on the pink petals floating in the wind.

Spring has finally arrived in Konoha, or perhaps, he’s finally calm enough to enjoy the sakura flowers without being wracked with grief. He brushes the fallen sakura petals off Sakura’s grave, caressing her engraved name.

“Maa…” he starts, sinking into a crouch. “It’s spring now, Sakura.”

Kakashi stares up at the Sakura trees, remembering how their Hanami picnics had often devolved into sex under the trees. It had taken him years before he could bring the boys to a Hanami picnic without crying.

“I still miss you so much,” he says eventually.

Later as he sits on his bed, Kakashi notices a loose panel on the floor. How had no one noticed this loose panel, he wonders as he pulls it open. There is a see-me-not fuinjutsu carved in Sakura’s signature style under the panel and underneath it is his Icha Icha series.

Oh, Sakura… she hid it here after Unsui found his other hiding spot, hadn’t she?

Kakashi opens the top most book. It’s yellow and dusty. The memories of reading them to death floods him. Each of his favourite scenes acted out by Sakura and occasionally some kage bushins. His lips twists at the memory.

Her pink hair framing her face as she leans over to kiss him, the way her green eyes twinkle mischievously.

His hand shakes, jerking, the grip on his hand loosens and the book falls to the ground, flipping open to a well-worn crack in the binding. A sakura flower, perfectly pressed, lies on the page.

Sakura… she...

“Sakura? What are you doing with my Icha Icha?” Kakashi opens an eye and sighs.

“I’m preserving a memory!” she chirps, wiggling her bare feet in the air and catches a sakura flower with her toes. Kakashi leans back on his arm, watching her manoeuver her foot to her outstretched hand.

“There!” She grins at him, carefully closing his book and hands it to him mock solemnly. “The memory of today will be preserved in that book now and-”

“-Forever more.”

His body trembles. He remembers how Sakura had held him close to her chest telling him to cry if he needs when he’d found out that his father had been resurrected like the others.

Kakashi takes a shuddering breath, elbows digging into his thighs. What was it that Naruto said last time?

“Sakura-chan told me… after I finally met my otousan and lost him again… That sometimes the best way to conquer your emotions… to get it out… is a good cry dattebayo. ”

Sakura… she was always the smartest of all of them. He palms his eyes. This time, he doesn’t stop the tears from flowing. This time, he finally cries. Picking up the picture frame on the bedside table, he rubs a thumb over her face. Kakashi wipes the tears off and pulls a slow breath.

“We’re okay, Sakura. We’re okay. Don’t worry about us.”

Fun fact: Dattebayo actually means (as a slang) "you know" and should be written as 'Datteba-yo'. Datteba-ne is the female version.

Fun fact 2: "-chan" is commonly used for little children. My friend still calls her 8-yr old nephew 'chan' to his disgruntlement.

Fun fact 3: The idea of finding the pressed flower was a central point in this fic. But I don't think anyone caught it.

[calypsoff]

Seventy Five. Part 2

Looking up at my dad “it is what it is huh, just roll on with it” I need to let it go, I am tired I think “Chris! Come, we are raising our glasses. Come!” Mel stormed around to me “I was just going outside for a blunt” she grabbed my arm and dragged me along, she doesn’t care for what I have to say, we are celebrating the baby and that is all she wants me to do “ok, I am coming” I mumbled, following behind Mel. My dad placed his hands on my shoulders as we made our way to the living room, I didn’t notice the balloons that spelt out Rylee in the corner “hold this” Mel passed me the red cup “this is a shot isn’t it?” Mel also passed a cup to my dad, my dad pulled a face wanting to say no but of course he joined in “ok, just because it’s Chris’ first. Not doing it again” Mel moved into the middle of the living room and stood with the glass up high “I just want to raise a glass for my niece Rylee, she is about to be the most loved girl in this family and outside, she is going to be blesses with nothing but love and happiness. I also want to say a big congratulations to the parents, they have come so far with everything. It’s a big celebration all round, to Rylee Brown, nobody got the time to be adding every name!” she said, I laughed raising my cup and then downing the contents. That is some nasty shit, I hate when they do shots. Shots are just not it, but I had to participate, even my dad has done a shot and I am sure he hasn’t done one in a while. Turning around, I want to get out of here and have a blunt, I need it and then tonight I can sleep well.

It feels so good to have one, I have had so much going on with me. Like so much stress, fear, nervousness, just every emotion. It’s hard to be the strong one, it’s hard to be the person that is helpless in that moment of time. I am so tired, emotionally I am because I didn’t expect that to happen. I didn’t expect to be seeing Robyn cut open, I didn’t expect to see my daughter not breathing, it’s been hard for me. I am going to try and be positive and now dwell on it but it’s hard not too, it’s hard not to think about the complications on if it went wrong. I am really tired, I feel I have this brand on me that I am the best husband and father, and I don’t even feel it because I be confused about shit, Rylee just seems uncomfortable or it’s me. What if I can’t uphold the title Robyn has put on me “can I join you?” my dad said “yeah, the blunt is out anyways” I chuckled “no need too, I spoke to your mother” here we go, putting the blunt out “I said tonight, between your mother in law and your mother. Tonight just give you both time to rest before we leave, I don’t want to hear it. I mentioned it in private to your mother ok? And she will speak to Monica, but you need that sleep, rest your mind” sitting back on the seat “I need it” I admitted “you do son, we can’t forget the things you have been through now” taking in a deep breath “I wish I did pass out, seeing my daughter, pretty much dead really gets me you know. Things like that gets to me because I know the feeling” my dad reached over placing his hand on my shoulder.

I am much calmer now, I have got some air and had a blunt, it’s just what I needed. Making my way to the living room, taking in a deep breath as I walked into the room “you hear that Chris, the grandparents said they will do the first night shift for us, so tonight we will put her in her own room and let Joyce or my mom have the monitor once I put her down, which I am now” nodding my head “that sounds good” looking over at my mom “can you carry her upstairs, Mel has her” my phone started ringing “I will” getting my phone out of my pocket, Tyga is calling me. Answering the call “heard there is a party at your house” I laughed “why you playing, you know that ain’t true. I come home and I see no tiger striped gifts, huh?” he busted out laughing “stop playing in my face bro, anyways. I wanted to invite you to my house, no party. Just come and pick up the gift I bought you and your daughter, also Rih. Tell her I said congratulations” pulling a face “send it to my house?” I retorted “I don’t know where you live, I have it here. Just come, it’s like a ten minute drive” sighing out “ok, but I need to just help Robyn with the baby. So I will be like an hour, if so” walking over to Mel “cool, see you soon bro” disconnecting the call “she is all quiet with you, what you think? She a little fatty” Mel poked her lips out “I want to keep her forever, look at her” I grinned, leaning down “well you got to give her up now” carefully taking her from Mel.

I am just stood here as everyone is hugging and cuddling Robyn before she goes upstairs “you come downstairs in the morning Robyn, you need to move around ok? Don’t just stay on the bed” Monica said to her “I will, I will get Chris to carry me down” looking down at Rylee, my eyes widened. She is awake, I didn’t even notice till now. She is awake just staring at me, tilting my head to her. Her pretty little eyes just looking at me “hey” I breathed out smiling, I feel emotional. I feel bad that I just feel a little off “I can’t wait for her to come to Barbados” looking to the side of me “she is going to love it there, I do too” Rorrey reached over, lightly touching the side of her face “she going to have hazel eyes, her eyes are light brown but they going to be hazel” he already predicting that “we placing a bet on that?” I said “bet” Rorrey chuckled “goodnight princess, night” my mother cooed over her “pass me the monitor once you tuck her into bed ok?” nodding my head, walking off to catch up to Robyn. She is walking slow anyways so I will catch up to her quickly “you want to carry me instead” Robyn said as she made her way up “nah, she is more light weight” Robyn snorted laughing “you are so mean” walking up the steps behind Robyn “you know I would if I could” she know I got her like that.

I sighed out jumping on the bed at the side of Robyn, she is really into the breastfeeding thing “you seem so natural at it” I pointed “I feel better doing it, I feel we bond better but tell me. Where are you going? You can’t be just going out now like this, not when I need you” clearing my throat “I am going to Tyga house to pick up the gift he bought us” lightly touching Robyn’ arm “just picking it up and coming back” Robyn moved her arm “more like a ploy to get you there, mark my words you won’t be back, you will end up staying there for a drink or two. And then you will come back and say oh I didn’t know; I am not stupid. But go, I have my family here anyways. Go now actually, I am fine with her” rolling my eyes rolling off of the bed “maybe I will have a drink or two” I mumbled to myself “do it Chris, come back to me drunk on the first night with our daughter and you watch what hell I will raise with you” she is so anal “and if I see one piece of clothing on the floor knowing I have stitches I will be shouting at you Chris” walking into the bathroom “pick up my clothes from the bathroom floor too, please” so she can do it but I can’t, double standard there.

The door opened “aahhh shit, it is daddy breezy here!” dapping him hugging Tyga” good looking out bro, thank you for the gifts” Tyga dragged me into the home “no way!” I spat seeing Drake “woo, congratulations Chris” I am shook as fuck seeing the boys here “we thought we would invite you over for a little drink, come here” dapping Trell as I made my way over to Drake “bro” hugging him “what you doing here? Listen if there is hoes in here I need to go” I laughed, dapping Chubbs as he videoed me cheering me on “no, ain’t no girls here. Ain’t no snow bunnies, just you. You’re the only snow bunny we have here” I chuckled “but we wanted to just see you and say congratulations. A blessing that has come into the world, a mini Breezy. What she look like, show us” getting my phone out “she is beautiful, she got Robyn in her. She looks like my wife a lot, worries me actually. And then on top of that her brother goes oh she going to have hazel eyes, I will need to keep her locked away” I chuckled, tapping on the photo of Rylee and I, I did a little weird selfie of us “this was on day two” turning the phone “aww, she is so cute. I can’t wait to meet her” Drake took my phone “baby fever out here, I need to have a son. Keep it in the family” snatching my phone from Drake “enough!” I spat.

Robyn was right but it’s a few drinks, I am not getting drunk because I need to drive home “what did you get my daughter then? Better be some expensive shit” I pointed “the one and only Last Kings gear” he spat “but I have already sent the exclusive OVO, now you know Chris is going to choose mine over yours, the material isn’t it Tyga, you know that” drinking from my cup trying to keep out of it “nigga, my shit is actually good. You out here talking shit on my stuff, Chris. Tell this nigga my gear is good” swallowing my drink shrugging “I prefer Black Pyramid” I diverted it, they both laughed “but honestly, both of you. Spoilt my daughter, I can’t wait for us to set up playdates with King Cairo but the love, it’s there. Me and Tyga can do father play dates, Drake can come along with Chubbs in the stroller” I snorted laughing “you ain’t shit nigga” I am sorry but that is hilarious “how is it now, that you’re a father? Anything changed” Trell asked “erm don’t get your wife pregnant” I snorted laughing “it’s erm good, it’s a blessing. Scary but I feel like it’s stressed me out because we went through some troubles so she had to be cut out, nobody knows this but to you guys I will tell you. But she had to be cut out and it was scary for me, I thought we would have lost her too. It’s scary and a blessing at the same time, I have responsibility now, a very big one but I am happy” they all look taken aback “damn, is Rih ok?” Tyga asked “she is healing but you don’t actually think of these things, but I am happy” nodding my head.

Placing the gifts in the lobby, I am tired as hell, but it was good seeing the boys and it was nice of them to throw a little party or whatever for the arrival of my daughter, it’s nice they care like that. Walking up the steps, everyone is asleep. Including the ones sleeping on the couch, there is too many people here but it’s only one night and then they can go the hell home. Stifling out a yawn as I made it to the top and made my way to the bedroom “goodnight son” looking behind me, my mother is coming out of Rylee bedroom “goodnight” I grinned “what time is this Chris? It’s going on five in the morning, your dad came up to me and expressed concern that you needed your rest, that you both needed it but you just went out?” I paused not knowing what to say because my mom is right but also I wanted to go out “I was going to Tyga’ place to pick up clothes both then Drake was there, and they had a little get together, just to celebrate the arrival of Rylee. I am back home now, I can sleep now” my mother side eyed me, she is not amused “you women fuss too much” walking off, let me just take my ass to bed.

Reaching over to the side table and grabbing my phone, looking at the time “damn” it’s two in the afternoon “man” I slept like a baby, I laughed to myself thinking what I just said. I mean I have a baby now, and I slept like one. Shaking my head laughing, I can be dumb at times. Tapping on Drake’ message, he is out here inviting me to things knowing damn well I can’t go to it because of our newborn baby, I wouldn’t even dare think of leaving Robyn here at this moment of time. Texting Drake back stating that I can’t go, and that I will catch up with him when I can and when Robyn is in a better place with Rylee and is feeling better. I just know Robyn is going to be so moody with me, it’s not shocking because she warned me, but I went and it happened, our parents were taking care of her, she got the rest so why be moody, but I know my wife, she will be annoyed with me either way, I better go and face the music now.

I am going to be normal about everything, I know she is not going to be happy but if I just be normal about it she will hopefully just be over it “morning, well afternoon” I said, it seems every quiet. Just my mother and father “slept well son?” my dad said, nodding my head “I feel good dad, thanks. Where is everyone?” it’s quiet “they went back to Barbados Chris, and you didn’t say bye to them because you were out late. My family did say bye” Robyn is pissed, this is even worse because her family is gone and I wasn’t here to say bye “great” I sighed out “I am hungry” I mumbled “I will make you something before we go” my mother jumped up “thank you” leaving the living room, this is crazy “can I hold Rylee?” hearing my dad say, walking into the kitchen rubbing my face. This is a mess, but I can fix it, I will just need to apologise to her “what do you want to eat?” my mom asked “pancakes, whatever. I am going for a blunt anyways, take your time” walking off, my mother hasn’t mentioned anything, so she is staying out of it.

My parents have gone to pack their suitcase, I don’t know why they both needed to go but they did. Robyn is pissed with me and here I am just thinking on what to do but I will just get on with it “I am sorry, they were there when I got there, I am sorry. I know you said that would happen and you were right, just let’s get along” Robyn sniggered “right, and then my family left, and you weren’t here. You didn’t come to bed till five, you know what. I am not going to bite, I am not going to shout because it’s wrong, you have been so supportive of me and done so much for me so I won’t be angry, but we are going to be alone now, I need you now more then ever. I don’t want you to be out at night Chris, not right now. Not when I am trying to adapt and also you are trying to adapt. But I am not going to turn it into an argument, there over it now” she says that but she said it in such anger, she is pissed off deep down “understand, sorry I missed your parents leave though” I do feel bad about that “I am glad you do” I know Robyn well enough to know she is pissed with me but is trying to be calm, she will get over it eventually.