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marvelsimp97 · 2 years ago

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We Found Love Again (Loki x Reader) Chapter Six -

Summary: Once upon a time Asgard and Alagaësia had an allience. The Alagaësian elven princess, (Name) usually visited Asgard to learn combat and have kids around her at the similar age. She almost grew up there and became good friends with Loki after the dark prince realized why he wanted to avoid her presence in the first place. They fell in love but never got the opportunity to try and confess their feelings for each other because of the war Alagaësia was in with another kingdom. (Name) was called back to her home and Loki never saw her anymore. But one day, she came back to Asgard, centuries later. Why?

Word count: 2182

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

Your days back at the Academy brought back your memories from your childhood. You were waiting for your only friends here known as Darla and Frask, the twins. They had platinum blonde hair with icy blue eyes and snow white skin. Darla was THE beauty everywhere she went, there wasn't a match for her amongst the other girls while Frask was hiding his good looks behind his always messed up hair and messy clothes.

Eragon told you that they were sent back to Shardau, the little village where they came from because they weren't Alagaësian Riders. They were exceptions because their dragons were from Cheys Whain the neighboring country to Alagaësia. It was a mystery where their dragons came from or how they could find them but no one tried to pry.

You sat at your window looking out to the training field thinking about the times you practiced till you reached perfection in everything. You could still hear Srunugr talk to you and reassure you during the endless nights you spent down there to practice. He always alarmed Eragon and Saphira if you fainted out of exhaustion. Your lips quirked into a small smile as you jumped back to the night you first made a fairth.

Flashback~

Sweat beads rolled down your skin from your forehead to your chin as you concentrated on the piece of slate in front of you. Your arm stretched out towards it while your eyes never leaved the surface of it as formed the perfect picture in your head. Srunugr lied nearby starting to get bored but he waited for you to finish. As you concentrated on the field of flowers you wanted to do you couldn't help but started imagining yourself running away from a certain prince of Asgard who chased after you. His eyes shined bright with excitement and admiration while his thin lips parted to shout out your name.

When you opened your eyes you looked straight at the Loki in your fantasy making you blush deeply. Your pointed ears burned furiously as you screamed frustrated.

'Aaaaaargh!!!!!' you grabbed the piece of wood and tried to break it but Srunugr's boyish voice interrupted you.

'Why do you hate the poor guy so much?' echoed through your head. You shot your head to the emerald green dragon swinging his scaled tail on the ground bored.

'I don't hate Loki' you answered.

'Then why do you always break that poor thing into pieces? If you like him you should take his picture onto your room's wall to be able to see him everytime you want.' rolled his eyes Srunugr.

'I don't like him!' you shouted back.

'Yes, you do'

'No, I don't!'

'Yes, you do like him'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes!' you shouted but froze in your spot realizing what you just admitted. 'Argh! You tricked me!'

'You should tell him how you feel, (Name). Everyone can see the ogling you do to each other. The looks he gives you makes even me jealous! So stop your stubborn acting and confess to him!' said your dragon wearily.

'Mother would never agree to anything I would want to do or have. She would definitely find something against him and would forbid me from seeing him or going to Asgard...' you sighed as you sat down leaning into Srunugr's side. It was warm which gave you some warmth against the chilly night. 'And if you're mistaken and he doesn't like me back... it would make everything so complicated between us. I would eventually lose my best friend.'

'Hey, what about me? Am I not your best friend?' feigned hurt Srunugr.

'You're bonded to me through our lives. You wouldn't stand being far from me' you laughed.

'He is dumb if he doesn't see the beauty and nobility in you. You are special and not just for me, (Name). You were made to be something bigger and better than just a princess. I know that not everyone likes you here but you shouldn't make their accusations truth. One day, I know that they all will see the person I see whenever I look at you, (Name).' hummed the green dragon nudging you with his nose making you giggle as you pressed your forehead to his scaled nose.

'You are my light in the dark, Srunugr... thank you for showing me the way I need to go' you answered quietly.

End of flashback~

'Memories?' asked suddenly someone from behind you waking you from your thoughts. You whipped around and spotted Darla and Frask. They looked a little older now but not much. You ran to them hugging them both in a bone crushing hug.

'My dearest friends!' you sighed happily. 'It is so good to see you again!'

'We missed you, (Name)... more than you think' smiled at you Darla.

'Where were you? What happened during the time I was...' you fell silent and couldn't fail to notice their mournful expressions.

'Don't worry, (Name). Vraë will get what he deserves when the time comes' smiled pained Frask. 'You know what? I'm gonna tell you what kind of missions we got from your father!'

'You just had to ask...' shook her head Darla. 'At least can we move this to the dining hall? I'm starving!'

You laughed happily at her and nodded following the twins towards the dining hall. You walked through the ball room where every new recruit got their uniform which was just a common armor they wore in battles. You remembered the day you got your own and how proud you were to have one. Now you couldn't wear yours anymore and the sorrow seeped back into your chest making your heart throb painfully.

As you walked past the Riders from the same class you were in back then you felt their hateful gazes. You never understood why was it a big deal that you were Eragon's daughter but then you had to accept that your father was a legend of course everyone was jealous of you. You three sat down at a table with a large plate of food in front of Darla.

'So when we arrived to the Spine Darla noticed the place of a small camp fire a few feet from us and I knew that we were at the right place!' gestured wildly Frask.

'Please add the part when you ran away from the raccoon screaming like a little girl to it too' quipped in the blonde girl next to her brother making Frask blush furiously but his attention turned to someone behind you and all blood drained from his face. You furrowed your eyebrows and turned to the source of his fright. A familiar face approached you with shoulder length dark brown hair pulled up in a ponytail, brown eyes looking at you. He was tall and well-built wearing leather pants, laced boots and a linen shirt with Za'roc on his side. Your eyes widened in realization as your lips pulled up in a happy smile.

'Murtagh!' you cried out happily.

'To you I'm still an instructor, midget' smirked down at you your uncle as he ruffled your hair.

'I'm not that small! You're too tall!' you grabbed his wrist and pulled it away from your head.

'Hey, you two! Shouldn't you back practicing and asking for a new mission?!' narrowed his eyes at your friends who nodded, shot up to their feet a scurried away fast. Murtagh started laughing at their reaction.

'You should go easier on the recruits' you shook your head as he sat down beside you.

'What fun is in that?' smiled the brown haired Rider. 'Your father goes way too easy on them.'

'I missed you' you said quietly.

'We all missed you, (Name). I'm sorry I couldn't help you get out of their... Vraë just barricaded Du Weldenvarden with magic and we couldn't see what happened to you but this is no excuse for leaving you alone and believe me... Eragon still regrets not bringing you back here immediately.' placed a hand over yours Murtagh reassuringly. Tears threatened to come as you stared at the wooden table.

'I was the one who pushed him away... it is my fault... only mine' you whispered as a teardrop escaped your right eye and fell onto the hard surface of the table.

'You should talk to him before you wouldn't be able to do that' said the brunette. You nodded quietly in response. 'Other than that... I have heard about a certain black haired prince of Asgard courting my little niece.'

You shot your head up your cheeks burning, your (e/c) eyes wide and your pink lips parted.

'Don't you dare try to scare him and embarrass me!' you cried out as you ran after your uncle drawing everyone's attention to you wherever you passed.

Meanwhile~

Thor and Sif were getting to know the students of the Academy and for the young Riders' requests they showed what they got. Loki watched them from a far corner of the training fields with a bored expression on his face.

'Do you not enjoy the view?' asked someone from his left side surprising him. No one ever could surprise him. Eragon stepped in line with him watching the events far from them with a small smile on his face. Something made the Trickster cautious with (Name)'s father.

'I can watch my brother practice like that everyday' answered Loki.

'As I remember you are the one who prefers to read books and use magic. (Name) couldn't stop talking about you whenever she came back from Asgard.' said Eragon. Loki suddenly felt an overwhelming presence above himself, something fearful, something strong.

'You don't look as scrubby as I imagined you to be...' rumbled through the Trickster's head a feminine voice. Loki blinked in surprise and looked up at a sapphire blue dragon with its mouth slightly ajar to show off its sharp teeth. Loki smirked and looked back to the training Thor and Sif.

'As I remember it is rude to intrude in someone's mind without permission' answered Loki. He felt Saphira's surprised thought waves and appreciation. Not many were brave enough to talk back to a dragon. Loki saw the smirk on Eragon's face.

'(Name) has found her partner in you, I can see that' said the Rider.

'Is that an approval for me to court her?' asked the Trickster.

'Do you not court her already?' asked the brunette quirking an eyebrow still looking straight at the training field.

'It... is complicated' said quietly Loki drawing Eragon's attention to him.

'Why would it be?' asked the Rider with concern. It wasn't like Loki didn't want to court you or make you his queen but... the fact that so many years passed and how everything changed... how he changed made him think that you would ran away far from him again if you would realize what a monster he truly is.

'Too much time passed by and she loves someone who does not exist anymore' looked down on the ground Loki saying his true thoughts for the first time in a while.

'You still love her old self, don't you?' asked the half-elven man. 'Look, you changed I'm not doubting that but both of your old selves are still in there. You can grow to love the new sides to each other. The change in you doesn't have to separate you from each other it needs to bond you even more because your old selves are your true selves and that means that you love everything about each other. That is something precious.'

Loki's eyes widened but his expression snapped back into the usually unreadable one. He can't be like that anymore. He's a monster who is to be blamed for every wrong.

'Father!' sounded from behind turning both of them to your approaching form. 'Did you see Murtagh?'

'Is he back?' asked surprised Eragon.

'I just talked to him in the dining hall' you nodded furrowing your eyebrows. 'I was chasing him but he disappeared.'

'Why were you chasing him?'

'Um... that's a long story' you grinned sheepishly. That was when you noticed Loki and Saphira. 'What are you three doing here?'

'I could not find any better entertainment than watching my brother and Lady Sif train' sighed Loki looking back at the crowd gathered around the blonde prince and brunette warrior woman.

'I think I should find my brother then' smiled your father at you but turned to Loki before leaving. 'Think about what I said.' and with that he went with Saphira towards the main building. You quirked an eyebrow at Loki questioningly but he just shook his head.

'Nothing you should be concerned about' he dismissed it.

'Did he try to embarrass you? Or threaten you? Did Saphira?' you asked your curiosity picked.

'I have to accept that she has quite the scary teeth' chucked deeply the dark prince.

'What happened?!' you asked like a little child left out of something.

Loki just laughed at your antics and grabbed your hand pulling you towards the gardens.

To be continued...

#romance #loki god of mischief #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #mcu loki #loki x you #thor #frigga #odin #lovestory #romantic #alagaesia #eragon #the inheritance cycle

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avauntus · 3 years ago

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I was recently lured back to Final Fantasy XIV by their “returner” campaign (if you are away a while, log in and play for free for two weeks). I’ve been having a great deal of fun, got over my “healing yips” and jumped into group content, and finished the Shadowbringers main “5.0″ storyline.

(Yes, it made me cry. Yes, like everyone else-- I concede it is excellent as everyone says.)

Final Fantasy games always kind of...”wink and nod” at their series traditions. And thus I’ve been happily playing along (when I’m not sobbing, natch), running across the occasional call-back to threads I know from earlier in the series, going “Oh, that’s cute. That’s clever,” and not thinking too hard...until the most recent breadcrumb dialogue line for the continuation of the story (patch 5.1) made me put down my controller, put my head in my hands, and go “Aaaaaargh!”

Urianger in brief: “I think I’ll be a problem ON PURPOSE.” lol.

Theory overthinking hours! I can come back later and see if I was right.

SPOILERS, after the cut, for Shadowbringers through 5.0 and, uh...Final Fantasies 3/6, 7, 10, and 12. (lol)

One of the very, very clever things Shadowbringers did is finish up much of the story of the Umbral Calamities by retconing the existence of the FFXIV storyline as taking place and/or belonging to the same universe of every single other Final Fantasy game all at once, many worlds existing side-by-side ignorant of each other, each just sliightly different from the next.

Which means all those “clever callbacks” aren’t just fun Easter eggs for fans-- they’re also fair game for the plot. If the game isn’t just being goofy, it’s leaning really hard into the Final Fantasy tradition of the “Oh NO Statues.” 😆

The what now?

The “Oh NO Statues” are my mental nickname for the recurring powerful, often sentient monuments that show up in Final Fantasy and invariably break the world:

Kefka did a number on home values with these three in FFVI, for example.

Later Final Fantasy games would refine and riff on this, of course. “Oh no, the statue is a space alien (?)” (Jenova, FFVII); “Oh no, the statue came to life and destroyed our civilization!” (Sin, FFX).

This isn’t Zanarkand, but it totally could be, right?

And my personal favorite of the “Oh NO Statues” incarnations, The Occuria, FFXII. Statues who aim “guide the History of Man,” ancient beings who manifest as aetheric masked forms, often visible only to a few, whose origins are (in FFXII) unknown:

Balthier: This creature... So this is your Venat?

Cid: Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca! Just how far will you go for power? Does your lust for nethicite consume you? Am I right? I am, aren't I. A worthy daughter of the Dynast-King! You would do well to go to Giruvegan. Who knows? You may receive a new Stone for your trouble.

Ashe: Your words mean nothing to me!

Cid: The reins of History back in the hands of Man.

And later:

Cid: To hell with the Occuria and their stones! What good a power that cannot be harnessed? Baubles best-suited for study, no more.

Vayne: We conquered two kingdoms, that you might study these "baubles."

Cid: Oh, I am grateful for the sacrifice. Without it, manufacted nethicite would have eluded us - an unrivaled weapon. Tell me, Venat. Have I not been an apt pupil?

Venat: My counsel did but guide your able hand. Through power of Man, the Stones did you perfect. Yes. So much accomplished in six fleeting years. Man's fervor o'er all obstacles prevailing.

Cid: Our lives are much too short. You undying might waste long centuries away, but we, I fear, cannot.

Vayne: Just so. Had we more time, we might have used more "prudent" measures.

Cid: Your greatest work still lies before you. Not lightly will the Occuria allow you to wrest the reins of History from their grasp.

Venat: Indeed. What claim does Gerun have on history's reins... seated on throne immortal, rent from time? For your ascendance, Vayne, I offer prayer. May you attain all that which is your due.

Vayne: Attain it I shall.

This is... fascinating, because it is heavily implied by a different storyline in FFXIV that Ivalice and the events of FFXII, exist somewhere in the worlds that were shattered from the Source that was FFXIV’s ‘main world.’ There is even an Ivalice in FFXIV, but it is NOT the one we know from FFXII-- Fran exists in FFXIV as a general of Dalmasca, and to all appearances (that I’ve seen, so far), a key difference is Balthier never existed, or never left his position in the Empire.

(On realizing this, I took a good minute to be amused that Balthier really WAS the “leading man” as he so often trumpeted, that apparently so much depended on his existing in his bravura sky piratery, all unknowing-- bless.)

As Ivalice exists -- well, the ‘Occuria’ are much like Emet-Selch and the other Ascians, aren’t they? “...seated on throne immortal, rent from time...” indeed.

Of course, in FFXIV, we’ve struck down most of the “relevant” Ascians by the end of Shadowbringers so what then? Almost certainly, the last “sane” one is gone.

But what’s interesting to me is this: Emet-Selch asked us to remember his people, and he mentions the three Ascians we know as antagonists-- but every single time he talked about his “purpose” it wasn’t to save the named Ascians. It was to save some unnamed other or others, his “lost friends and loves”-- one of which is heavily implied to be connected to the player character.

(There’s a whole “fragments of a shredded soul thing,” but-- ‘we don’t have time to get into that’ meme-- here.)

The other-other Ascian that is eluded to --heavily-- in the run-up to the end of Shadowbringers 5.0 is the Unnamed Fourteenth-- the Paragon who turned away from the other Ascian councilmembers when the details of their plan to save their civilization and the toll that would be paid were revealed. I think we’re meant to think this conscientious objector is the one who summoned the Light, to grant autonomy to mortals rather than guide them towards a destiny that would serve the Ascians’ return, even if the mortals were “shadows” of what had come before the worlds were split.

Beyond a lot of breadcrumbs, we don’t get much more than that in the ending bit of 5.0, but that sure sounds like Venat to me.

Venat was always portrayed by a woman voice actor, despite the Occuria being “genderless,” and...

OK, so...what does this have to do with nethicite?

In FFXIV, “manufactured nethicite” exists -- it’s called White Nethicite Auricite (oops!) and the Scions (the faction our character belongs to) use it to trap Ascians’ will and shatter their energies.

It’s also heavily implied that if natural auracite is allowed to feed on mortal souls and imbued with aether (energy), it will cause mortals to go insane. The Ivalice raid sequence spells all this out, but in short-- your fears and desires are made manifest in exchange for your life energy. Over time, auracite exposed to mortals gains a low-level chaotic will of its own, like the One Ring in Tolkien’s works.

It is, in short, a staggeringly insane idea to propose putting your soul into a soul-eating crystal as Urianger is doing. And Urianger has no way of knowing this, of course, but this will of the nethicite in FFXII came from the Occuria -- their tools to “guide the History of Man.”

There are no more unsundered Ascians left worth mentioning (Elidibius, lol), but the energy of that Unnamed Fourteenth is out there scattered in the Light-- and this is “White [light] Auracite.” Despite everything, I don’t know that the Light are all sunshine and rainbows for mortals. For one, they like stability.

If the Scions start unknowingly imbuing themselves with the powers of Ascians by merging themselves with insane immortal chaos crystals (!!), they may manage to bring about the Eight Umbral Calamity and the end of civilization anyway by unbalancing the world(s) themselves.

...Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants for Emet-Selch? I mean, if the main character hadn’t had to put him out of his misery already. (*sob*)

#ffxiv #overthinking it #auricite #occuria #venat #ffxii #shadowbringers spoilers #final fantasy #emet-selch

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incorrigible-groupie · 3 years ago

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Actually, the ends weren’t that bad (a TPN/TOA essay)

So.

There are two series that ended recently and which had a lot of impact for me but also a very controversial end, like there are some wars between fans who argue about if the end was good… or not.

And me ? I really want to believe that The Promised Neverland (the manga, obviously) and Trollhunters have very coherent ends.

You’re probably wondering « why putting these two together ? » and I have a reason, multiple reasons actually. Of course, there will be spoilers of The Promised Neverland and the entire Tales of Arcadia saga (Trollhunters, 3Below, Wizards and the movie Rise of the Titans).

First, Promised Neverland.

And mostly the character who made a lot of people cringe even before the last book : Emma. Cringe because, for some fans, she isn’t someone you can relate with because she isn’t realistic… in every sense of the word.

She is too perfect or at least too perfectly programmed for the plot whisky is not entirely true ! « She is too kind ! » well… maybe not ? I don’t think all her actions were driven by kindness.

She is too clever to be the naive kind of kind.

And don’t tell me that if she was that clever, she would have noticed that her orphanage was a farm because… she probably was in denial. Also, how would she imagine that monsters were waiting for them outside ? Maybe she didn’t see, maybe she didn’t want to see. But anyway, when she discovered the truth, her first thought was to get everyone out. EVERYONE.

Of course, there are her family, she won’t let them… but she did have to let some of them because it would have been too complicated, so that prove that she isn’t just a naive idealistic.

She wanted to fight, first for her family, then for every kid of every farm, because that wouldn’t be fair if her kids stayed alive and not the others. Then she also want to save every monsters, because that wouldn’t be fair since they didn’t choose to have to eat meat.

This is not about being kind, this is about being fair. This is about responsibility and guilt.

Emma doesn’t want to save everyone because everyone deserve to be saved or something cute like that, she would have killed less people or monsters otherwise.

She wants to save everyone because she doesn’t want to feel as bad as the people, as the monsters who hurt her and her family. She doesn’t want to be a monster.

When she understood, and ONLY WHEN she understood what it means to hunt, she realized how thin was the line between her enemy and herself so she doesn’t want to live knowing people lived horribly because of her.

She didn’t want to live with that on her conscience.

And… I think this is kind of selfish ? She doesn’t do that because it’s right, she does that because she wants to be better… I don’t know. She took a lot of risks, for her and for a friends just so she won’t feel that guilt.

But the others don’t care that the mutants die, only Emma who is really clever like I said before understood and was like « yeah so no we need to find a solution or it will haunt me for the rest of my life ». This is more like a perfectionist thing that a kind thing.

Which is… logical for a character like Emma.

Really the characters in the manga are very well-written, especially Isabella who has such a dignified way to die. It was a good end for her, very symbolic, even if I’m very sad about it. When she betrayed the blond guy, I was pleasantly surprised but at the same time it made sense like, it’s very consistent, everything is consistent even if we started with a complex project. Ending the meat industry ? Save all the children ? And Isabella’s end shows how the real villain of the story are the one who benefit from the system (which says a lot about our own society).

But Emma, actually, became « queen » of the system when she made the new treaty, she literally created a new system so… welcome responsibilities while she was only 14. Will she benefit too ? Or even take advantage ? But how could she after everything she learnt, and mostly after so many people sacrificed their lives so she could reach her goal ? Did she deserve it ?

How could she live with that on her conscience ?

The answer is : she can’t. She isn’t that strong. She isn’t that positive. She isn’t that perfect.

And destiny (haha) gave her a solution on a silver plate. Not by surprise like a Deus Ex Machina since we knew there would be a counterparty which won’t be too violent because Emma cleared the path. This was an equivalent exchange. THIS IS LIKE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST ! (By the way, why does everyone think TPN’s end was too easy while in FMA, the best manga of all time, the solution to get Alphonse’s body back was in Ed’s hands… LITERALLY !).

Anyway.

The demon offered to lose her memory, thinking she would refuse because she would be alone, separated from her family which is… euh… stupid… I mean… have you seen Your Name ?

People who are meant to be together will find each other.

Moreover, Emma was so relieved because it was solving all her problems : nobody dies, everybody goes to the other world, nobody sacrifices themselves, and the guilt she was afraid to live with ? Gone. I think Emma was also relieved to be like « yes, I have a second chance, now I will live a normal life ». And it was selfish because it seemed like she said « so guys I will send you to another universe I know nothing about after I brought you into this mess but now you will deal with it yourself everyone ! ». That was… a little cowardly ?

And the worst was that every encounter she made, every lesson she learnt, she lost them…

Well, thinking about that…

TROLLHUNTERS !

Trollhunter’s end was… hard. And gave me a bitter sensation since not only we said goodbye to our favorite characters but we also genuinely said goodbye to the show. Even if we wanted to watch the show a second time, it was kinda deleted (along with Anton Yelchin acting…) ?

Yes, it’s hard… but isn’t it ballsy to do a scenario like this ? And we could have expected this, it’s not the first time we talked about time travel in this saga. And for gods sake at the very beginning of the movie there were a lot of things that shouldn’t happen. The train’s crash in New York, the Titans probably crushing people, the bridge being destroyed, and all that jazz… Can you imagine how Jim should have lived with all of this besides everything else he had lost ? And then, Toby died (which affected me more than I imagined).

But it’s not Toby’s death that made Jim want to change everything, it was just the last straw. The last thing that wasn’t supposed to happen. After all, if it was written that Jim was given another chance, if Naru saw that Jim would have to get back, to go aaaaall the way back, there must have a reason, or multiple reasons. Do you think humans could live normally after everything that happened ? Do you think humans and trolls could coexist ? I’m not sure, not after that kind of damage. And Arcadia was destroyed ! The HeartStone, the center of the universe, was destroyed too ! I think even if Toby survived, the end wasn’t that bright…

And the time-travel wasn’t a Deus Ex Machina either because otherwise it would have been a « and then BOUM everything is back to normal and everything is ok » situation, which isn’t…

We don’t know what will happen.

Jim will do everything so it’ll be okay but maybe he will make some mistakes. Vendel may not survive, maybe they will take more time to kill Gunmar, Aaaaaargh may be turn to stone again… we don’t know. And I think everyone in the fandom is pissed because of that. Because we don’t know. And I do understand : this is not the end, not a conclusion, not a great finale, more like the beginning of something we won’t get to see (like a legacy?), which is both great and very very sad for us. I hope Dreamworks will do comics or books…

But also, I doesn’t mean that nothing will be like before. There is a lot of things Jim has no control of. For example, what happened to the extraterrestrials, Jim knew nothing about it so he can’t change a thing. And for the wizards too. And when you think about it, what happens in « Wizards �� has to happen. Jim won’t be a troll during that arc but it will happen anyway, it’s supposed to happen because it’s the creation of the Trollhunter, the creation of the Amulet ! And Jim has no idea of what will become because he wasn’t really there.

What is supposed to happen will happen.

Friendship or love, it will happen. Even the relationship between Jim and Blinky, even if Jim isn’t the Trollhunter. OH, SPEAKING OF WHICH.

Choosing Toby as the new Trollhunter is a super idea. Toby will accept his role right away. Toby will love his new destiny. And since he will have Jim’s help, he will be okay. Jim doesn’t want his friends to get traumatized again (I mean it’s cool to learn stuff but do you really need to suffer for that?)(I’M LOOKING AT YOU AGAIN, EDWARD ELRIC), so he will do what he can so things don’t get too heavy. And you know, maybe he want (AND DESERVE) to give a bit away. He probably give the Amulet to Toby because he knew Toby is brave enough to fight even without powers… and because he was tired to bear the Amulet ? Anyway, like I said, everything that is supposed to happen will happen and if Toby isn’t the right Trollhunter, the Amulet won’t choose him.

AH ! And don’t forget that Jim doesn’t need the Amulet to be a Trollhunter ! This is literally what the show wanted to teach us, guys ! If you forget it, it proves that it’s not only the characters who had a reset…

A reset…

Holy guacamole this is exactly like Undertale. This is Undertale’s principle. Jim is Frisk who after taking a Neutral Route wants to do a True Pacifist Route ! This is so cooooool !

Except that, exactly like in The Promised Neverland finale (well, not exactly but like a reversed version of it), Jim decides that everyone forgets everything that happened and take the guilt off their shoulders, as heavy as an armor. He erased everyone’s guilt, except his. That is far from being selfish or cowardly.

It’s the opposite ! These two shows which don’t have a lot in common have finales being negative pictures !

And Jim’s end isn’t perfect either because he still has the world on his shoulders (a little less because he isn’t the Bearer of the Amulet, but still a little more because he knows what happens if it goes wrong).

He is still the Young Atlas because even if the characters in the shows won’t live the same thing, they will still be the characters we knew, the characters we saw growing, the characters as brave and as strong as we used to see : like in Undertale, « despite everything, it’s still you ».

And to everyone who says to me « yeah but it will go wrong because when Merlin shows Jim the future where he isn’t the Trollhunter, it was shit », well : NO.

Jim stays a Trollhunter, he said so ! And I mostly think (since the moment I saw this episode) this all thing was an illusion, not a real future, because Merlin is a real piece of garbage and I was only sad for Douxie when Merlin died (otherwise, I would have celebrate it). And I think Jim knows it too, that it wasn’t real.

By the way, I hope they will find another way to not say « For the glory of Merlin » anymore, I loved the new version of the Amulet in the movie (AND JIM LOVED IT TOO).

All of this just to say that : these endings, even if it’s very frustrating, make sense.

Of course, saying goodbye to so many things I cared about for years make it difficult to assimilate it, but that also means that I really loved it.

And in the end, it showed these two characters flaws, these perfect, pure, way-too-nice characters with too many responsibilities and a huge desire to survive, but who are being selfish for once by taking a clean start.

But they’re doing it with their pockets full of determination… proving how humans they are.

And I really will miss them.

Ready ? Set ? Go !

#tpn #the promised neverland #manga #emma tpn #toa #tales of arcadia #trollhunters #dreamworks #jim toa #jim lake jr #rise of the titans #netflix #fullmetal alchemist #undertale

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idontknowreallywhy · 1 year ago

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I’ve so much enjoyed seeing this one develop, it’s just so full of wonderful little flashes of brilliance and back story. Like the fact John has always had stars on his ceiling and Scott helped him get the first set up there, but now when John’s away a long time Scott goes and sits under them to be near him. Such a touching image.

For his brother, Scott could take it slow 😭

I love how the roof of the villa was designed for star gazing, and of course being in the middle of the ocean with no light pollution is perfect! I bet the view is incredible from there!

They are so different and yet so similar, there are mirrors all the way through and the first that stands out to me is that stretch they both do - they both want to be a part of the huge expanse before them, just one prefers the blue and the other the black.

They are so Together. But then, NO! Scott starts doubting and questions why his brother would want him there. It’s so devastating and yet familiar… unkind words can stick so hard, even when meant in jest and poor Scott has taken the negative interpretation of his deep and generous expression of his love for people “clingy” into his self and it has been stabbing away at his self-worth for so long :( I mean “he couldn’t not take and take and take” nooo Scott, this isn’t taking!

I love how John has all the books because that’s what he does. You half wonder at the start when one has his name on why he’s dragging it up there, but then Mom. Then we know.

Then you switch so softly and smoothly to lovely comedy thoughts with The Tinies on Five and the code baby slash evil AI 🤣 love that description!!

Also very grateful for the lines that show us that although alone right now, Virg is happy and in his elements

The permission to info-dump and John’s eyes lighting up 🥰 and although half goes over Scott’s head, it’s not that thing where someone smiles and nods and humours the enthusiastic person - it doesn’t stay tiger his head because John is a great teacher and Scott is Interested in what is exciting his brother. It’s a beautiful moment.

And despite the mistakes in his past with rushing and clumsy and flying balls… Scott is allowed to look and share properly.

And then “I missed you” slips out.

It’s such a loving thing but somehow Scott still regrets saying it, thinking he’s demanding too much. And when John says it back he thinks he’s lying. Aaaaaargh!

The historical significance of the hand holding makes me teary 🥹

How John grounds him by saying how many reasons there are to love him. Because he is who he is. Not because of what he has done (or not). Don’t we all need to hear that sometimes…

Oh heck and the way you described the ubiquitous paperwork was a revelation - I think I always pictured it as dull work but heck it’s just reliving the trauma of each rescue over and over isn’t it, trying to make it cold and emotionless. Is this why he is reluctant to let his brothers help with it?

the hug!!!’

The hoodie!!! Aeroplanes plus paint marks… John is keeping them both close!

When they both realise they are saying the same thing back and forth, justifying each other and condemning themselves… but then realise they can move through it, I want to punch the air! YES!!

We hold each other up!

Hot chocolate and then watching their sky and their stars holding hands and laughing. AAAAAAAAH IT’S JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL.

Honestly mate, you wield words like a weapon and an instrument of healing somehow at the same time. Just fab.

Stargazing

Sky and star!! Scott and John!!! Stargazing, honest talks on rooftops, some tears, and many hugs.

The tags copied from ao3 because Im pretty much too tired to see straight but I just finished this and Ive been working on it for a while now and here it is!!! Im very proud of it :)--Hurt/Comfort Angst Fluff its got all of them Stargazing which you just may have guessed given the title Hugs Crying Panic Attacks Self-Esteem Issues Scott's having a bit of a time of it and so is John but they've got each other there is much hugging and hot chocolate too and definitely some ADHD Scott and autistic John

Comes in at a scraping under 6000 words, so a nice long one!!

@idontknowreallywhy Thank you for all of your encouragement along the way. I doubt this would be what it is without you. Hugs :)

A headcanon in it, which you shall see, I believe originated from a fic by @edutainer2022 Sometime in 2023. The depths of tumblr. (cites sources)

-----

A thump followed by multilingual cussing out of the very concept of gravity were not uncommon sounds when John was earth side. Scott still looked up from his paper work in concern.

John was juggling a telescope, a blanket over his shoulder and his satchel while attempting to pick up several books. Massive, heavy astronomy books splayed out on the floor around his feet.

He swayed, nearly losing his balance and dropping the telescope at the same time. Scott leapt up to help. He crossed the comms room from dad’s desk to where John was in quick strides to get to his brother, worry blooming.

John straightened up when Scott reached his side, his brows pinched and face pale.

“Johnny, are you okay?” Scott questioned. He needed to know whether this was just a momentary thing or he needed to call Grandma and/or Virgil. He’d rather not have John fainting on him.

“I’m fine, just a bit dizzy.” John said, “Probably my blood pressure from leaning down too fast.“

Scott let out a relieved breath. John’s space-related health issues weren’t uncommon to be dealing with but Scott hated to see any of his brothers potentially sick or hurting. At least without a mission in the way, Scott could trust John was being truthful and not pushing past his limits.

“And don’t call me Johnny,” John added in disgust.

So John was just fine, with that level of vitriol. Just as it should be.

“Good to hear.” Scott put on a shit eating grin. “Johnny.”

It was his big brotherly duty to be infuriating, at least now his concerns had been allayed.

“Fuck you,” John said good naturedly.

Scott gathered the books up. John paused, hesitated, then stepped back to let him.

With both hands still full, John leant against the wall for support, eyes half closed and head tipped back.

On the biggest book, ‘ Dr J. G. Tracy’ was written across the planet pictured on the purple cover, followed by the extensive list of letters standing in for qualifications after John’s name. Scott smiled proudly to himself.

When he had them all, and they were heavy, how had John managed them with everything else, Scott reached out to take the blanket too, which was slowly but surely sliding from John’s grip.

“Thanks Scott. I thought I had it but—“ John gave floor where the former pile had been a glare.

“Gravity?” Scott smiled.

John rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

Scott shifted the books up in his arms. “Now where do you want this all?”

Since he was carrying them already, he may as well help John the rest of the way. It was easier, honestly, he wasn’t just being a smotherhen.

“Uh. I was planning to go to the roof,” John admitted sheepishly.

Scott nudged him gently. “I should’ve guessed.”

Long ago, Scott had gotten used to how John took every possible opportunity to see the stars. He’d thought the constant fixtures of their childhood would disappear when John made his dream of living in space, but they’d stayed. The telescopes from John’s bedroom window, the expeditions to every nearby and not so nearby observatory, lying outside on picnic blankets waiting for meteor showers.

Turns out stargazing, even on earth, was just a part of who John was. The stars were constant in his universe and Scott loved how his brother loved them so much.

At night, out on the roof was always the first place Scott looked for John. In the day, so many times Scott had found John in his room, staring at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling. Scott had helped him put up the first set, way back in Kansas when John was shorter than him because he hadn't been to space yet, and couldn’t reach even standing on a chair. When they moved to the island, the first thing John decorated his room with were more stars here too. Sometimes, when John was up on Five for long stretches, Scott would go sit beneath them, surrounded by John’s shelves of paper books and looking upwards.

They made their way out now, Scott matching John’s cautious footsteps, slow and unsteady. The balance issues from constantly being in space were worse when John was fresh down for orbit, though they never truly went away. It worried Scott, when he thought too much about it, but Thunderbird Five was never something he could take from John without breaking his heart. So Scott was always happy to slow down, to let John take his time to feel his way along, whenever he needed to. For his brother, Scott could take it slow.

The door to the roof and the wide, flat expanse were both very deliberate in their design. Having their own observatory wasn't going to stop one space brother or two from sitting up there.

Passing from the warmly lit villa into the night was sudden and jarring. Scott realised he hadn’t been outside of a building or a cockpit for too long. He took a breath, filling his lungs with cool ocean air. The clear view and barely there breeze would make landing a dream if he was flying.

Stars covered the sky, spread horizon to horizon. John stared up at them with open delight. He placed his telescope and bag down on the roof, then stretched out his arms as if to touch the inky purple expanse above them. When John glanced back at him, Scott repeated the gesture because this was something he understood. On a perfect blue day, as the sun shone, burning away the last whisps of white clouds, the skies pulled him in with the urge to be amongst it all. That was why he flew and John launched into space.

Scott spread the blanket out next to where the roof slanted sharply upwards, so they’d have shelter and were far away from the edge. He put the books down on a corner, preoccupying himself with neatly stacking them. John dropped to sit cross legged, immediately beginning to set up his telescope.

Scott lingered watching him as he attached it to its stand, screwing it securely in place. Long minutes passed while John fiddled with various knobs and dials. Scott knew he had a million other things he should be doing, the paperwork lurking at his desk to name one example, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

John wouldn’t want him here. He’d enjoy his evening far more without his older brother breathing down his neck. Scott should go. He made an awkward gesture at the door back off the roof, but made no movement towards it. He was probably driving John crazy just by being here, distracting him from his stars with his indecisiveness.

Shuffling the books around had already been a thin excuse once and messing with them more would be pushing it too far, no matter how the volume second from the bottom was botheringly skewed. He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms to resist straightening it. He was already pushing it too far.

Scott forced himself up, made it halfway to his feet when John pulled himself away from his telescope. His breath caught when John opened his mouth to speak.

Scott knew he was overly clingy.

The times people had called him suffocating stung. They still stung, even when he knew they were words hurled in anger and not truly meant. He couldn’t stand to hear more, because surely that’s what John was going to say. Maybe more diplomatically, more politely, but he braced himself anyway.

“Do you want to look at the stars with me?” John asked.

Scott’s mouth was glued shut. He just stared at John.

“It’s fine if you don’t.” John glanced down at his hands, now in his lap instead of on the telescope, fidgeting with his sleeves. “I just… We haven’t spent time together for ages.”

“What— what about last week?” Scott managed. John had been down last week, they’d seen each other last week.

“That was with everyone,” John said softly. “I meant just us.”

Oh. So John wanted— John wanted him to stay?

Scott tentatively settled to sit on the blanket, next to John. He couldn’t not. If there was the slightest chance John wanted him here, he couldn’t not take and take and take. But he had to believe John, in John’s words and soft, unsure tone of voice. That John knew what he was asking for and was saying it because he wanted this too.

After so many rescues and times in his life where John’s voice was his anchor at the end of a comm line, it was second nature to believe John. Maybe the waver in his voice was because he had trouble asking for this too.

Their knees bumped and John gave him a small smile.

Slowly, Scott unwound, letting out a breath and relaxing every muscle he’d tensed up. He leant back, bracing his hands behind him to look once more to the sky. The stars and moon seemed brighter now. What John was searching for up there, Scott didn't know, but he’d be here as he did, with John’s calm presence by his side.

He listened to the brushing of the breeze through the trees and the rushing whisper of sea against the shores, interspersed with the fluttering of paper as John turned the pages of his books.

John didn't need to reference his books to point his telescope at the right bit of sky, but he always brought them anyway. It was part of the routine, the ritual, a familiar comfort too weighty to bring to space. Flicking through pages of calculations, hands on the well worn covers, opening them where they fell, because they’d been read so many times before. It was another night, like this one but a long while ago, shared together when John had told him that was why he had them, connected all the way back to memories of John as a kid with mum’s astronomy textbooks, reading them by torchlight. For Scott, there was something reassuring about John surrounded by his books and his stars, his brother as he always was and was meant to be. It wasn't silly, he’d told John, that he brought old fashioned print books instead of even just a tablet, when they made John happy.

Tonight, without the usual jets coming and going, and people hustling to emergency alarms, the island was quiet. Calm, even.

Alan and Gordon were up on Thunderbird Five. Alan because he needed more training before he was prepared to run the station solo, and Gordon, who’d good naturedly volunteered to partner up, given John had long exceed his space hours this month. How it was going was anyone’s guess, particularly for Gordon’s mood, when Alan was likely using his temporary commanding status to full extent in bossing around his big brother. Scott snorted.

John turned to him at the sound. “What’s up? What is it?”

“Thinking of how Allie and Gordo are doing,” Scott replied. He relayed his thoughts about their younger brothers.

The corners of John’s lips turned up. “Eos is likely more trouble, even with the talking to I gave her.”

John’s code baby slash evil AI was thankfully now into causing the inconvenient type of mischief instead of the life threatening. She could be almost sweet when she’d gotten over the murderous tendencies and Scott got to know her better. He could definitely see the John in her.

“They’ll be just fine. Might even learn a few things.” Scott had faith in his brothers’ abilities, and in the restorative properties of the celery crunch bars he’d put in the care package for Gordon.

The conversation lulled for a moment as John refocused on his telescope, before John chipped in, “Do you reckon Virgil’s figured out his masterpiece yet?”

A paint covered Virgil had been briefly coaxed out of his studio earlier in the evening with the promise of dinner. He’d made distracted conversation with Scott and John, mind clearly still elsewhere, before shovelling the last mouthfuls of food in his mouth and running off.

Virgil hadn’t noticed the streak of violet across his forehead, emphasised by the expression he made, all raised eyebrows and gleeful realisation, when the new idea struck. To be fair, neither Scott nor John had chosen to point it out to him. He’d either see it eventually or he wouldn’t, and time would tell how many other colours joined it.

But a Virgil in his art zone, with music coming from beneath his door, was a happy one. Reassuring for Scott too, after the weeks and months and rescues they’d all had.

“He’s all good,” Scott said fondly.

John echoed it with a wider smile, both of their minds on their artsy brother in the house below.

“So, what are you searching for tonight?” Scott gestured to the sky and the telescope in a sweeping movement.

John startled. He paused to consider then asked, “Does that mean you actually want the whole version or just the five second summary?”

“Hit me with all of it,” Scott said. He was rewarded by John’s face lighting up.

John’s excitement as he explained his star stuff was contagious. Scott found himself grinning. The way John flickered his hands through the air, sketching out astronomical diagrams, was mesmerising, and the way he pulled facts and figures off the top of his head was astounding.

When he showed Scott the contents of his books, Scott barely knew where to start with the calculations, because this was John’s area, not his own field of mathematics. Half the concepts went over his head until John explained them, bit by bit.

Scott asked questions, because it had been a while since he’d looked to the stars and he was rusty on most of the finer points other than those used for emergency navigation. John was more than happy to answer them.

They bounced questions and answers back and forth; John got to talk about his stars and Scott got to listen to his brother’s joyous excitement which he hadn’t heard for far too long. He reminded himself to call John up more often, even if it was just on the holo, to listen to him ramble about his latest research.

“You wanna see?” John asked. “The telescope is set up and tonight’s has the best conditions there will be.”

Handling any of John’s telescopes was usually a privilege reserved for a very careful Alan. Several childhood instances of toppled stands leading to cracked lenses had instituted the rule of no brothers allowed anywhere near touching range. Or, Scott cringed to think about, amateur soccer range.

When Scott agreed, John flashed a rare grin, delighted to share the stars with him.

The stars weren’t Scott’s domain the way they were for John. Both of them loved the sky but the difference was the distance. Scott much preferred to remain within the atmosphere, outside of it wasn't for him. But the sky was for them both. Him and John, who were the first ones to love it, before any of the others came along.

Scott looked through telescope to see what John sees.

It was… he could only describe it as beautiful. Bright pinpricks of light forming their constellations against navy sky. The planets and the stars seen from their own tiny planet in the galaxy. All brought closer by the telescope than he could see with his eyes, brought closer by sharing this moment with John.

When Scott pulled himself away from the telescope, John was watching him in nervous anticipation, twisting his hands in his lap.

“So, what did you think?”

“They’re amazing John, thank you for showing me.” Scott poured all his honest wonder into the words.

John looked up. “They really are.”

“I missed you,” Scott blurted out.

Immediately, he wanted to take the words back. What made him admit it, even on the solitary rooftop where no one could overhear them? Not because they weren’t true, it was always going to be true that he missed John when he was away. But usually that was something he kept close to his chest, an ache curled around his heart. His family spent plenty of time with him, even John, they just… hadn’t lately, that was all. He was being needy, asking for too much and wanting more, more, more after people already gave.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat. The stars were blurry as he looked away.

Scott flinched when John gently took his hands in his own.

John squeezed his hands, slender fingers wrapping around Scott’s as he automatically squeezed back.

Gripping John’s hands, holding onto him, was a lifeline built up over years and years. So deeply ingrained in who they were that it could pierce through Scott’s racing, sharp edged thoughts.

Looking back, him and John holding hands had started when they were kids. The first time he remembered was on a trip to an aeronautical museum, with Mum telling them they had to stick together, to hold hands and not let go. Because as a kid, John would wander off out of curiosity and get left behind when he slowed down to read all of the informational signs. It had happened many times before. In hindsight, Mum was probably trying to keep Scott from running around and climbing everything too, by recruiting him for big brother duty.

Later the gesture was an anchor for John, to lead him out of overwhelming situations, where Scott could see him shrinking in on himself at every sound that made him want to press his hands over his ears but he couldn't for appearances sake.

For Scott, when he’s falling apart too. For John to pull him aside with a polite excuse, then away from old guard board members at Tracy Industries meetings, and out of the surveillance of crowds and reporters alike at the awful high society galas PR made it necessary to attend. Away from where people wanted, no expected, Jeff Tracy and all they got was his son, and the cordial smiles of how much he resembled his father tore Scott as deeply as the thinly veiled whispers of how much he didn’t, and he couldn't keep it up any longer.

And right now, he was falling apart, in a different place for different reasons but the chunks of his careful facade of fine fine fine are breaking off and clattering to the ground. John bears witness to it, within touching distance, within the blast radius, instead of a million miles away.

Scott could blame his emotionalness on exhaustion. On too many caffeine fuelled late nights bleeding into early mornings this week. On hard rescues in poor conditions. Anything instead of this boiling hurt that builds and builds.

He blinked quickly, his tears stuck to his eyelashes, hot and stinging as they welled up. He tipped his head back in hopes he could keep them from running down his face.

If he let go of John’s hands, he could wipe them away, and he and John could both pretend they were never there. But he couldn’t let go of John.

There was no way to hide his tears from John.

Scott hunched his shoulders. He closed his eyes. He still didn’t want to know what John really thought of him.

John’s hands gripping his own were the only point of reference he had. Scott was failure after failure, drowning in them, and John was too clever not to realise it soon enough.

“I missed you too.” John entwined his fingers with Scott’s before he could pull away.

The urge to tug his hands back, to take them away from John, whether in shock, or surprise or disbelief because the voice inside his head screamed he’s lying, he’s lying. Or so John couldn't pull away first, because he would, it was only a matter of time. It was always just a matter of time until everyone found out how messed up he was. Then—

Scott didn’t know anymore. He shuddered, curling in on himself, making himself smaller, making himself less of, of everything that he was.

But John was still there. Gently holding his hands. Not letting go.

Even as Scott felt tears dripping from his chin, the tracks burning down his face. Even as he shook, heart pounding, breaths catching loud and raspy, shattering the quiet of the night.

But why, but why but why would John miss him? The thoughts whirled, as cutting as blizzard ice, through his head. And mumbled aloud, falling unbidden from his lips, they were just as awful, the same slicing edges, now out where they could harm.

John’s voice washed over him, quiet, soft words he couldn't make out. They were buried beneath the howling thoughts.

But why?

There was no reason.

No reason at all.

Nothing was left in the dark, but Scott’s worst fears, tearing him apart with no up or down or direction, his own avalanche eating him alive.

Then something broke through. Reached out into the dark to rescue him. John squeezed his hands, pulling him out of the snow, never letting him go.

And John’s voice was gentle, filtering back in like a lost radio connection.

“Because there are as many reasons we all love you as there are stars in the sky.”

“As many reasons as stars I have yet to discover.”

“More reasons than all the stars, in all the universe, that ever were or ever will be.”

John paused for a moment, taking in a breath. “Because you’re Scott.”

Slowly, Scott opened his eyes. John was close, a blur of pale face and red hair that swam into focus as he blinked. Wide, earnest turquoise eyes that saw right through him.

Heartbroken was far too easy an expression to recognise on John, not when you knew him. But so was love. His expression was a mixture of both Scott wasn’t sure what to do with.

He stared until something jagged lodged in his chest and he forced himself to look away.

To the stars. Then down at their interlocked hands, where his own still trembled.

He watched as John’s fingers tightened briefly. His vision blurred.

“You back with me?” John asked. The same tone he’d heard him use over comms on scared rescuees and brothers alike, but now without the static.

Scott nodded slowly. He wasn’t sure he could make his voice work.

Somehow, John understood. Somehow John understood him and that hadn’t sent him running.

“You want to take a few deeps breaths, and then we can talk?”

He nodded again, listening for John’s count. He pushed his thoughts towards the back of his mind as hard as he could.

He tried, to time his inhales and exhales to John’s voice, he really did.

But his chest hitched, sobs tearing from his throat on every breath.

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t do it.

He couldn't even breathe calmly, not even with John counting for him, John was wasting his time.

Except John said, “Scott, Scotty. Listen to me. However long it takes, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Scott was still crying, and this wasn't how the evening was supposed to go. John was meant to be watching his stars, not having to hold Scott’s broken mess together.

Scott probably wasn't meant to be here at all. He was meant to be doing mission reports, he should have stayed doing mission reports. Reliving awful memories of wrenching metal and screams to put lives saved and lost into official sounding sentences, at least would’ve only hurt him.

It took far too long for his sobs to lose their edge.

Too long to get his breathing back to shaky hiccups instead of hyperventilating.

For him to be left exhausted, with tears still flowing that nothing he could do would stop.

Over and over, John repeated, “You’re okay, we’re okay,” and, “I’m here.”

Because he was still here, with Scott, and he wasn't leaving.

And maybe that meant something.

Scott couldn’t hide his tears from John, but maybe he didn't have to. Not when John was so close, not when he cared. Because John still had his hands in his own. Because John showed him the stars that were his entire world. Everything said he cared about Scott, no matter what he did.

“Would you like a hug?” John asked.

The contact would be nice. But whether John wanted a hug, when he so often kept himself far apart. Scott shook his head then nodded. He didn’t know. He could barely think in the come down from his emotions.

But he didn’t have to figure it out as John pulled him close.

Their hands were pinned awkwardly between them because Scott still couldn’t let go, but he leant into John, tucking his face into John’s neck, hidden from sight.

John was wearing a navy blue hoodie which had gone through several brothers and might once have been Scott’s own, given the peeling aeroplane decal, but it was difficult to tell beneath the paint stains.

The soft fabric soaked up his tears. Eventually he let one hand go, carefully, bit by bit and John wrapped his arm securely around him.

Okay, he was okay. John was here. He just had to keep telling himself that.

John didn’t pull away to ask, “Do you want to tell me what happened there?” He just spoke quietly, chin still resting on top of Scott’s head where he was curled around him.

Scott swallowed. “Not particularly.”

“Is that because you actually don’t want to or because you think you’re fine.”

Scott shook his head. Even he had enough awareness to know he wasn’t entirely fine right now. Not with tear tracks barely dry on his cheeks. Or clutching John like his world would fall apart otherwise because something inside him told him it would.

“It’s I don’t know what you’ll think of me,” he mumbled into John’s hoodie.

John’s arm tightened around him. He whispered, “Oh, Scott.”

Scott tensed up.

“I’m not going to be upset with you, no matter what you’re feeling,” John added, quickly, tripping over his words to reassure Scott.

“Promise?” Scott asked, stupidly, childishly, because he couldn't help it even though it wasn't something John could promise.

“I promise,” John said solemnly.

The words, their words, went all the way back to their childhood, of Scott gripping John’s hands, making him promise not to tell mum and dad where Scott’s super secret fort was built in the backyard. John had never broken one of their promises. Not even as they got older and it was a teenaged Scott crying his heart out in the far too tiny tree house, because he didn't want dad to see him getting upset over little things like trying hold their family together and looking after his siblings.

Their exchange soldified something between them. Their bond that had always been there and maybe he could believe always would be there. It let Scott lower his walls inch by inch, until he found the courage to speak, even if it was barely audible and he still wasn't looking at John.

“It’s fine. It’s just… You never seem to want to spend time with me anymore,” he admitted.

“Of course I want to spent time with you,” John stated gently, “Why would I not?”

Scott choked on bitter laughter. “Why would you want to?”

He felt the moment John’s breath caught. How John hugged him close, pressing Scott to his chest.

“Scotty,” John asked apprehensively, the childhood nickname coming out for the second time tonight, “Is this really how you think of yourself?”

Scott shrugged against John. “What does it matter.”

John’s voice was thick, “It matters because somehow you’ve got it in your head that there’s no reason I’d miss you, and that’s not true and never will be true. It’s so, so not true.”

“When you’re earthside, you still spend all your time with the others,” he muttered in ugly, hurt words.

The sharp intake of breath from John was another regret.

Scott was torn between running where he’d never hurt John again and holding him closer.

As he pulled away, John’s hand still in his own brought him back. John always brought him back. So he clung on to John too, and starlight glinted from both their tears.

He held on, and they were both shaking now.

John’s “I’m sorry—I’msorrysosorry—’msosorryScotty,” was distressed and near silent.

“But why?” Butwhybutwhybutwhy?

“I thought you wouldn't want to star gaze with me!” John burst out.

It was Scott’s turn to squeeze John’s hand. To have John’s trembling fingers gripping back.

Scott swallowed hard. This was on him. He’d upset John. His own fresh tears cooled on his face, the sea breeze picking up to give them freezing bite. Scott had failed. Like he always did. But this was at the one thing that mattered above all others, of keeping his brothers safe and happy.

Guilt laced John’s voice, heavy and suffocating. “Alan loves space nearly as much as I do, so I try to take him out whenever I can. Virgil will draw anything whether or not it sits still for long enough and he wanted to try painting the sky with watercolours.”

Scott almost didn't want to ask, “What what about Gordon?” Because why was it just not him?

He heard John sniffle. “We usually sit near the beach. Gordy watches the waves and I watch the stars. Then he wanted to know about the stars because apparently they look kinda like the constellations of bioluminescence in the deep sea.” John’s words got stuck and he choked out, “I’m so sorry Scott.”

“It’s— it’s fine,” Scott said, effect ruined by the break in his voice. By how he couldn’t let go of John’s hand, even as he felt more tears trickling down his cheeks. “You don’t need to worry, just spend your time with the others, I know you don’t get much.”

He wouldn't want to hang out with himself if he had a choice about it.

John pulled his face away from where it was tucked in the crook of Scott’s neck. He still didn't look at Scott.

“I know you don’t want to spend time with me,” John said in a small, wet voice, “I’m boring. All I can talk about is astronomy and most normal people don’t care about it. I’m just weird and wobbly and awkward.”

“John—” Scott tried.

“When I’m not in space, I only slow you down,” John continued.

“Johnny!”

That got John’s attention. “What,” he snapped.

“I do want to spent time with you,” Scott said, “Of course I do, I always do.”

“But I didn’t really know. Most people don’t like me,” John stated, far too matter of fact.

That hit Scott like a punch to the gut. “You’re just like me,” he whispered.

Something he didn't want for any of his brothers.

“You feel like this too,” John whispered back, low so not even the stars could hear them.

Like they were both back in that tree house, amongst their old promises. Tangled together because that was the only way they would both fit now they weren’t children anymore. All lanky limbs, knees and elbows and sharp edges digging into each other.

At the same time, in the same motion, he and John hugged each other tighter. They were still the same jagged edges that fitted as closely as puzzle pieces, if they lined it up right.

“It’s why— why I thought you wouldn’t want to spent time with me,” Scott said, unsure now. “Because why would you.”

Scott took a deep breath and quoted, “Scott’s too clingy. Too needy. Too much, going too fast.” He kept his voice soft, pouring out old hurts, recent hurts, for only John to hear.

“And here I was trying not to drag you down when I could’ve held you close instead,” John murmured.

“Yeah,” Scott said thickly, “I could’ve been there for you.”

“For you too.” John��s voice gained an edge, “That you can’t think of a single reason I’d miss you means I must be doing something wrong.”

“It’s not your fault.” If there was something Scott was adamant about, it was this.

John raised his head to look Scott in the eyes, brief, burning turquoise. “Then it can’t be yours either.”

“But for everything…” Scott trailed off.

“I’m not going to love you less. None of us are. Not for being you.”

“I failed.” He had to say it, had to make sure John knew.

“No,” John said vehemently, “You were hurting too.”

Scott could feel John’s thundering heart pressed against his chest.

“Neither of us knew and we’re both trying, that matters,” John continued, “There’s also what we do now.”

John was Thunderbird Five, but he was also John Tracy. He knew. He knew Scott. Scott had to trust him.

“We make each other stronger. And we hold each other up,” Scott said quietly. Because of who they were, not just in spite of it.

For John, with John, maybe it was just one day possible.

They stayed like that, fused together in a hug, surrounded by John’s stars and Scott’s sky, for a long time. Scott couldn't remember when he’d last hugged John like this. To keep each other close, like they’d promised they would. He needed to do it more often.

When they finally moved, because sitting in one place on a rooftop for so long wasn't exactly comfortable, neither of them went far.

John dragged his satchel nearer and pulled out a thermos flask.

“I’ve got hot chocolate,” he smiled, opening it to take a sip then holding it out for Scott.

Scott took it, wrapping his hands around the warm thermos before raising it to his lips.

Closing his eyes, he savoured it. No one made hot chocolate like John. No one except mum did.

He pressed his shoulder against John’s in silent appreciation.

They passed the thermos back and forth, no words needed.

When it was empty and they were both full of hot chocolate, the night was late, the stars turning overhead. They perhaps should have gone in, would’ve on another evening without all the everything that had occurred tonight, but Scott had worked up the courage to ask John to stay, just for a little while longer, and John wanted to.

John returned to his telescope and Scott settled close, with John happily leaning back on his chest, Scott’s arms wrapped around John’s middle and chin on his shoulder. John could still look at his stars and Scott got to hug him so it was a win for them both.

The ocean breeze was picking up, becoming chilly in shirtsleeves when Scott hadn't brought a jumper because he didn't think he’d get to be out here so long. But John was warm and his hoodie soft, plus Scott could stick his hands in the front pocket, partially to annoy John ever so slightly, but also because his fingers were cold.

He got a close up of that characteristic irritated but fond expression, caught in a John half smile, when John tipped his head to look at Scott. Scott couldn't help but smile back.

Then John also stuck his absolutely freezing hands in the hoodie pocket with Scott’s finally warm fingers, vibrating with laughter because he did that on purpose.

They both settled back, hanging onto each others hands again, staring upwards at their sky and stars.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #scott tracy #john tracy #astrawrite #Thunderbirds #Thunderhugs

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dolce-peach · 4 years ago

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Love your fics! Could you do a avengers x reader x Loki sleepover oneshot? Where Loki and reader are like to the hip bffs (also they’re crushin on eachother HARD) and it shows when they paint each other’s nails, cuddle up together during the movie and so on and the group is like AAAAAARGH THE SLOW BURN ynkow from watching them the whole time?

clear as day

pairing: loki x reader

warnings: fluff

a/n: a bit short but sweet! hope you like it, anon 💗

permanent taglist: @kaitlynmalikisnotonfire @just-another-loki-fanblog

** TO MAKE A REQUEST -- please check the status in my bio **

masterlist

----

It was another day in the Avengers Tower with absolutely nothing to do.

You’d think you’d be busy going around protecting the citizens of New York or battling various mercenary groups or something of the sort, but as one of the many heroes of the world, you found you had a lot of free time.

Maybe too much free time.

It was Tony’s idea to have a sleepover, and you thought it was absolutely brilliant.

“Guys!” Natasha announced as she stood proudly in front of the group. She held up a container. “I brought nail polish!”

You grinned, sending a glance at Loki, who frowned.

“No,” he said simply.

“Come on, Loki!” you begged, nearly dragging him to the couch. “Please!”

The god flashed a funny look. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He rolled his eyes. “Seriously? Painting my nails would ruin my image! I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”

“Oh, loosen up, Rudolf!” Tony called from the kitchen as he got the popcorn ready for the movie. “You can be Lord of the Underworld another day.”

You smiled, nodding quickly. “You’re in good hands. I promise.”

“I doubt that, but fine,” he groaned as you cheered, dragging him over to the couch.

The rest of the Avengers snickered seeing his dumbfounded expression.

Much to his relief, you pulled out nice shades of black and green to alternate. But then again, you knew him too well to choose anything different.

He watched you as you concentrated on his nails, painting intricate designs. He stopped himself from laughing.

You intrigued him as a human. He was always perpetually annoyed with your race, but started to gain hope in humanity after meeting you, the friendly, courageous girl who easily managed to melt his icy heart.

Natasha peered over your shoulder. “Wow, Y/N!”

“I know!” you said excitedly as you held up his hand for him to see. “Look! I think they look great!”

Loki found himself blushing madly. “Really?” he asked quietly, his eyes shining.

Thor chuckled from across the room.

Loki shook his head. “I mean, of course, they do. It’s my hand.”

His nails really were emaculate. You had patiently pushed his cuticles back and applied treatment, making his skin glow. The green and black you chose couldn’t have been more perfect.

You nodded proudly. “I’d say that’s probably some of my best work,” you laughed. “You better pay me.”

“With what?”

You smirked. “A kiss?”

Loki was taken aback, furrowing his brow in thought. The rest of the Avengers groaned, especially Tony as he came back with bowls of popcorn.

“I’m joking!” you teased. “Maybe you can help me prank Tony once in a while.”

The god scoffed. “Yes, I’m sure he’d love that.”

“I would,” the billionaire confirmed. “Anyways, what do you guys want to watch?”

“Horror!” Natasha exclaimed.

“Oh, are those the gross, bloody movies?” Thor asked excitedly. “Horror, please.”

“Disney,” Steve chimed in quietly.

Bruce cleared his throat. “I agree with Cap.”

“We gotta go horror,” Clint protested.

“I’ll go with Disney,” Tony sighed. “I’ve seen way too much blood lately.”

You poked Loki’s arm. “What do you want to watch?”

“You choose,” he brushed off, beginning to treat your nails as he’d watched you do. He chose a white shade. “Besides, you know more than me in that area.”

You were slightly distracted by his touch. His fingers were gentle, almost like air as they brushed over your skin. Your breath hitched in your throat as he held your hand, painting each nail carefully.

“Um, Disney then,” you found yourself saying.

Tony shrugged as Steve and Bruce told him which movie to put in.

“It’s hard to believe you have such delicate hands,” Loki murmured, still concentrating.

You shifted in your seat. “How so?”

He glanced up at you with his shining gaze. “I mean, after all the work you do, the battles you’ve seen...” He smiled. “It’s nice.”

You laughed. “Alright.”

It wasn’t long before you were admiring Loki’s work. Steve and Tony were the most confused, not knowing Loki was capable of something that didn’t involve an explosion.

Eventually Finding Nemo started playing. Tony, Steve, and Bruce sat on the floor around the small coffee table. Thor, Clint, and Natasha sat happily on beanbags Tony bought last minute.

You cuddled with Loki on the couch, already knowing what happens in the first scene.

Loki didn’t complain. He actually didn’t mind.

“No,” he quietly whispered after Nemo’s mother sacrificed herself to save her kids.

You looked up at him. “It’s okay after this.”

He subconsciously grasped your hand tightly. He eventually released it as the movie went on, his green eyes taking in everything like a child.

You found yourself watching him more than the movie. His expressions were priceless, and it made you realize how open and raw his emotions were. The wonder in his eyes could cure any sickness.

It wasn’t long before you drifted off to sleep against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

As the movie ended, Loki was careful not to wake you, letting you continue to sleep. He ignored the snickers from the group, his eyebrow occasionally twitching with annoyance.

“I knew it!” Thor said. “You were courting Y/N, clear as the eternal sun in Valhalla!”

“Shut up, Brother!” Loki said. In a hushed tone, he hissed. “I was not!”

“So,” Steve sighed. “You’re gonna lie about it?”

Loki shook his head. “N-no...”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Can you please confess to each other, because this is just excruciating now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Loki said.

You stirred, opening your tired eyes.

“Hey,” Loki said softly, brushing the hair from your eyes.

“We should do this more often,” you giggled, wrapping your arms around him. “You make quite the comfortable pillow.”

Hearing the scoffs from the team, Loki rolled his eyes, feeling a blush approach his cheeks.

Because he knew deep down that they were right.

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urbvnny · 4 years ago

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What is your impression of the vampires? I figured you like aaron (coughing) but I want details gurl. Long texts, rants, come on!!!! I really like seeing ur content bc it's just you not trying hard and chilling lol

Thanks for following my shitshow lol if I try people will hate me. You want rants? You got them.

Aaron:

I absolutely adore him and his route so much that I'm afraid they'll fuck it up in EVERY single episode that comes out.

He's absolutely *breathes in* stunning and handsome and beautiful and kind and serious but he's easygoing and cute and sincere and calm (but he's too impulsive when he loses his cool, that's no good! >:C) *suffocates*.

Dummy thicc and just dummy when it comes to more delicate feelings too. A great himbo specimen just like Bel.

I love how his route isn't a perfect relationship where there are NEVER problems, he's willing to try and pour himself out (even though it's hard) to make this work.

I secretly wandered to the garden and the fireplace at all times in Vladimir's route just to talk to him more and more and I was sooooo in love lol I would forget about Vladimir (insert ugly wheeze).

He's the only one we actually invite to our room so far lol he's the king of consent at all times.

Eloise is just head over heels for him and she isn't panicking constantly about not knowing anything bc again, even though he's flawed, he tries his best to make everything work and they talk constantly.

I wish he'd be more attentive, bc that would make life easier for him lol. poor man can't read the stuff between the lines to save his life. That might cause some hurting, bc he has a mentality of doing "what has to be done" and forgetting about the rest.

He also needs therapy. I worry a lot about him.

BUT DAYUM, Eloise is his first girlfriend and my man is already getting the hang of it real good.

I might bawl my eyes out in all three endings.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THIS ROUTE: kiss him, pet him, compliment him, hug him, say you love him. He deserves it.

hmmm, he's so fine!

now the other ones without pic or cursive sorted by favourites most to least.

Vladimir:

He's sooooo handsome and he has a really pretty body but not in a sexual light, he's just incredibly beautiful. Like a work of art.

I love how he doesn't think twice about Eloise's safety in ways that don't come from survival. And I love how he just laughs and blushes. I love his done expressions too and how he tilts his head and he trembles when he's angry lol boy gonna explode soon.

I don't like the way he acts like a clam lol he shuts himself out after opening up and he also lies to comfort himself too much. He likes to tell Eloise that she only means a source of food to him but he's got it bad for her really fast and denying that is very hurtful behavior. I do get that he's having a really hard time, but he's grown enough to listen to her attemps.

I also hate how he still thinks he's living in the past and he behaves like Eloise doesn't know jack shit when the girl has been through a lot.

I don't think his feelings on his good ending change out of nowhere too??? But I'm not gonna go there in this post, I just relate, yk?

Raphael:

baby is sooooo sweet! he's really nice all the time and he always listens and worries about us, and he loves to gossip but not about himself, he's an absolute king lmao.

I don't think he's nice all the time. I think he hates talking about himself so he might get angry at Eloise if she tries to barge into his life too fast, so I'll not be to quick to act lol

He talks and talks and talks sometimes and the dialogue bar gets thicc lol I love to see his train of thought go and goooooo

His clothes are simply beautiful and he's so smart and educated.

I feel like he has a hard time when he thinks about his blindness and art. In Aaron chapter 5, if Eloise chooses to talk to him instead of the "shadow person", she asks him why he seems uncomfortable and her mind is somewhere else, but she hears him talking about something sparkling in a ballroom. I think he was probably saying it was a shame he couldn't see the party.

Super powerful and capable baby! He knows how to fight, reads a lot and is super articulated! I love him sooo much :(

Beliath:

This corny, monochromatic himbo. I hated him in the beginning but it was until he pushed the couch and said the dead donkey line lol.

I love how people say just anything and he's like "ion care lol", he never gets offended and he knows what he's doing

I kinda wanted to slap him in the first 3chapters bc he's acting like we're prey while we're just there like "AAAAAARGH LISTEN TO ME UR ENLARGED PIECE OF-"

his hair is good and he's absolutely stunning, specially his smile. He's just incredible.

I didn't like how he treated Eloise when she freaked out (I hated that too bc I wouldn't react like that) when she saw Ivan in the staircase with Raph. It isn't easy to get over the fact that you just died.

I think I'll end up more infatuated with him than with Vladimir, but I'd never be head over heels for him like I'm with Aaron.

Ivan (I'm still bitter)

I like how he sees Eloise and he just says it without any fears or whatsoever, and I like how he's not afraid to say he's sorry but he doesn't expect to be forgiven or for Eloise to like him in any routes.

BUT. He was a big disappointment bc he was just all messy, doing stuff without thinking first, and he never really stopped to think about his surroundings. Yes, I'm saying he's selfish.

The way he was "I can see my ex errday but you can't say shit now let's move on and just live with me hung up on somebody else" also irked me.

His sprites are SOOOOO cute! he's all blushy like ":3 I wuv how positive and shiny u are, Eloise!"

The endings were just utter bullshit and depressing tho. They just did everything wrong when this could've been a route where two very young people that had a BIG altercation involving freaking (bats, I love halloween) DEATH learn to forgive, heal and love each other when they're facing new lives in all ways possible. It was a disappointment.

... ethan. *big fat sigh*

I like how he is nice in Bel's route but in the other ones he's all nuts and talks loads of shit and gets beaten, runs in the sun and he even dies once like???? He's in for a wild ride don't go off like that I'm serious.

He's mad handsome tho and I love me a wavy hair but damn is he a jerk. He tries to kill us many times too, that's hella annoying. I don't like entering a room and seeing him.

I really wanted to help him in the kitchen dialogue when he had that PTSD episode, but he shuts us up. I feel very sorry for all he had to see.

Although I love the parts where we jab and kick his shins and stomach, he was a nice man once and I really hope he can find at least a bit of himself again in his route. He deserves it, even if I don't like the way he acts.

Have I said I love to kick and jab his shins?

#aaron propaganda #ask

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animentality · 7 years ago

Text

Deadpool is the antithesis of Disney's marvel

It's the stress ball where all the people who want to swear and show titties and talk about cocks and asses but can't on other marvel productions go to relieve themselves all over the audience's face.

You can argue that civil war and all that junk is gritty and serious but it's gritty the way teen Titans was grittier.

It's gritty for like the children-teenager audience.

For adults it's a very tame action sci fi fantasy hero whatever thing.

You'll feel surface emotions but it's not evocative the way Deadpool is.

Deadpool beats a guy with a brick and blood splatters all over the sidewalk but they actually removed the blood splatter from the PG trailers that play before pg-13 movies.

It's just dirty where everything else marvel feels too clean.

I appreciate it, goddamnit, I really want more super anti hero movies that are just nasty.

I enjoyed iron Man, I enjoyed civil war, I enjoyed black panther, I enjoyed these movies, don't get me wrong, it's just that im manic depressive, prone to flash floods of emotion, highs and extreme lows, and high octane action isn't a fight scene with perfect fight choreography and two attractive men lightly bruising each other and giving each other a slight bloody lip and arguing about the ethics of saving people.

I just need Deadpool cutting someone's head off and shooting someone's brains out and making jokes about anal.

In a way it's a lot more human than anything else the marvel infinity universe has ever put out.

There are gay people, for one thing, Deadpool himself has anal sex with a woman, and by that I mean the pegging scene, which is not how men typically (are perceived to) have anal sex with women, and he's pansexual as shit, negasonic teenage warhead's actress is gay, shatterstar, aaaaaargh.

And remember when everyone shipped stucky so hard they jammed Sharon Carter into Civil War?

You can't tell me she was some integral character whose role was so strong and necessay that they couldn't have had black widow or some other random shield agent do it for her.

They got freaked out by the idea of a bisexual captain America and thought they mightve gone too far with Bucky being the perfect match for steve, being someone he's known for a long time from the same era as him AND someone who despite torture and brainwashing still recognized him after seventy whatever years.

I don't even ship stucky or care that much about captain America as a character. These observations are just from someone who's not completely blind.

Deadpool is like the other marvel or some shit.

It's more like Fox's x men, like the rough and tumble Logan, than Spider Man homecoming or Guardians of the Galaxy.

I can't stress this enough.

Infinity war will be whatever, it'll be a lot of fighting and some contrived "iron Man makes up with cap" drama.

I'm sure it'll be a good movie, but I'll forget about it in a few months just like civil war.

The most I can see them doing is some deep and meaningful scene where tony is like..."Heroes have to accept their limits!"

And captain America is like..."No. Anyone can be a hero, and if we let them take away our freedom, we are no better than Thanos" or some nonsense like that.

I'm not sure, I honestly think the whole "should super heroes be registered" thing is a contrived plot anyway.

Like.

whatever, Tony, whatever, Steve, if either of you were people of color, theyd call you a terrorist.

But because you're white guys, we get to have this discussion at all.

But you gotta wonder what other ending they could possibly have.

I mean we know they're not going to let Thanos destroy the planet.

The most they could do with infinity war is have some big character moment. Someone dies.

But would that shock anyone?

Everyone knows this is like the last one. All bets are off. You can kill anyone In the final installment.

You get to see everyone working together, I guess, but how well can they pull it off? It's going to be enormously bloated just trying to get everyone their screen time.

I wonder if it's going to be like x men films which try to have too many characters at once.

And then I think wow...nostalgia trip.

X men films used to be a thing but they drained so much of the grit from most of them that we don't even remember them.

Marvel.

Disney.

God.

Maybe it's just my mentally ill ass and inability to feel things, but where's some of that real human shit?

That shit that keeps you up at night?

That mud scraping shit licking dragging your knuckles through glass human condition type fecal matter that just burns as it goes down your gullet and leaves a burning trail?

I'm sure infinity war will be nice and quirky and action packed and full of character interactions EVERYONE NEEDED TO SEE.

But damn.

Maybe I'm suffering from avengers fatigue, but I really need more content reflective of these wild, wild times.

It's not 2012 anymore, marvel.

The curtains been lifted and the times are a changing.

#infinity war #avengers #marvel #deadpool 2 #deadpool

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blastron01 · 8 years ago

Text

Ascendance of a Bookworm – 043

Lutz's Education Plan

While I idly laze about in my bed, my fever returns, just like Lutz predicted. This fever, brought on by exhaustion, is mild, so all that happens is that my whole body feels heavy. Since this isn't the all-consuming fever of the devouring, I should be able to cure it with plenty of quiet bed rest.

That, at least, has been what I've been thinking over the past three days. Although I'm getting increasingly irritated about my unbroken fever, I get scolded whenever I try to leave my bed on my own, so even though I'm sluggish from oversleeping I can't do anything but stay in bed.

...Aaaaaargh, so bored.

Today is pig-slaughtering day. Unlike last year, I've managed to gain enough of my family's confidence that they're letting me stay here and watch the house by myself, so the headed out for that early in the morning. They made a sandwich for my lunch and filled everyone's cups with water and left them in the bedroom for me so that I would neither get too hungry nor get too thirsty without any way to deal with it.

In this dead-silent bedroom, I technically could move around if I wanted to, but I know that all that would do for me is make my fever linger even longer, so I don't have any choice but to stay quietly in bed. However, with nobody to even talk to, there's no helping it: I am so, so bored.

If only I had a book...

I have a tremendous quantity of failed prototype paper with me, but I still haven't used it. All it's been doing since I've brought it home has been sitting in the box at the foot of my bed, neatly stacked to one side, gathering dust. Ever since we successfully finished our prototype, I've simultaneously been really busy and really fired up about wanting to make my first book.

Above all, though, since these are failed prototypes, both the material quality and sizes are all over the place. While I do have some paper that's almost successful, I also have pieces that are such total failures that are badly ripped or crumbling to pieces. There's paper that's so thin that it's nearly see-through, to the point where I'm almost scared to touch it, and paper that we reinforced so much that it looks brittle enough to break.

Out of the pieces that were almost perfect, the ones that got twisted when we tried to paste them up to dry out are still probably the easiest to use. If I were more skilled with my knife, I might be able to use the sheets that dried successfully but we couldn't remove without ripping big holes in them, but cutting out only the pieces of the page that are actually usable proved to be surprisingly difficult. I really want a tiny, slender blade with a very sharp cutting edge, like a hobby knife. That would be much easier to cut with.

I think that if I wanted to make a book with this paper it would take a considerable amount of time. This winter I'll have a lot of extremely productive free time, it seems.

...Ah! Now that I think about it, even if I don't have a book, I have the board that Mister Benno gave me.

I remember that, before my fever flared up, Benno told me that I should look this over when I returned home. I think that I'll probably be fine if I read it while lying in bed.

I get up unsteadily, open the box that I keep my clothes in, and retrieve the approximately A4-sized board from my tote bag. Flopping back down on the bed, I start to read.

"This is... the outline of a training course for new employees."

It contains a listing of the minimum amount of knowledge that it's been decided that newly-entering apprentices should be taught. To break the contents down into broad categories, apprentices will need to know:

How to look after their appearance and give proper greetings.

How to write all of the fundamental letters and numbers.

How to use a calculator.

How to perform monetary exchanges to a certain degree.

The list of commodities in which the shop trades.

The names of the merchants that associate with the shop.

"Hmmm, the things the two of us can study ourselves are... writing, math, and monetary exchanges, I think. Everything below that is probably going to be taught to all of the new employees during training, so I think we can put it off for now..."

As I monologue, mumbling, I start making study plans for the winter.

First off, I wonder how many of the fundamental letters and numbers Lutz remembers? I taught them to him a while ago, but they're the kind of things that you tend to forget if you don't use. I'll need to verify what he's forgotten, then teach those to him again. Instead of practice sentences, I wonder how well it would work if I had him write out order forms, formal introductions, and so on? They're full of vocabulary words that he'll need for work, so I don't think there's much harm there.

To be perfectly honest, I actually don't know how to write many words that aren't strictly work-related. Here, there's no dictionary, and the words that have been taught to me were either drilled into me by Otto so that I could help him with the budget or are merchant-related ones taught to me by Benno or Mark. I think I've got a solid grasp on my work-related vocabulary. However, I don't know how to write any common nouns or verbs.

"As for using calculators, I know how to add and subtract, but I've never asked Mark about how to do multiplication or division on them so I don't know that yet, hmmm..."

I can work out all sorts of calculations by hand on my slate, but it's essential for me to learn how to be able to use a calculator, too. In order to avoid standing out too much from the other apprentices, I should be able to do things the same way that everyone else does.

"I really want to teach Lutz first- through third-grade arithmetic, but I don't have either textbooks or workbooks, so teaching him is going to be really tough. Since I have to prioritize, I think the counting system and doing large monetary conversions is probably the biggest priority, and then getting him to do addition and subtraction, at least in the ones digit. Then, we can move on to the general concepts of multiplication and division... wait, can we actually do this over the winter?"

Drilling in how to work with numbers takes three years, so of course doing all of it over the course of a single winter is impossible.

As I let out a heavy sigh, I notice that my fever is wriggling around inside me, a pressure building up like it's about to burst open. I press my fingertips into my temples, gritting my teeth.

I don't actually scream "don't come out," though.

Imagining tightly screwing on a lid, I shut it back away, then breathe a sigh of relief. It hadn't been for very long, but fighting against the devouring has actually made me hungry. I reach over and pick up the sandwich my family had left for me. I take a big bite then, while I chew noisily, start thinking about personal appearance and greetings.

"Now this is the biggest problem: looking after our appearance and giving proper greetings. Neither of us really know to what extent a merchant needs to prepare their appearance, or what kind of greetings and phrases are unique to merchants, if any..."

I have some idea of what the work clothes, which we will have to buy, are like, having seen the various employees at both Benno's shop and the Merchant's Guild. I have no idea how much any of that would actually cost, so I'll need to verify that with Benno later.

As for the greetings, those are on the list of things I want someone to teach me. I already know that people here don't ever greet each other by bowing, but I don't know what the correct way to greet someone in the merchant world actually is. All I've seen is people smiling at others who they've just met while lying through their teeth. Although, I have a hunch that neither Benno nor the guild leader had been doing any sort of typical greeting.

At some point, while I was staring at the board I got from Benno and thinking hard, I gradually drifted off to sleep again. When I wake up, I see my family's already returned home, and are busy bringing their various pork products into the storage room.

"Welcome back," I say. "Oh, hello, Maine! Did we wake you? How are you feeling?" "...Better, I think."

Now that I'm awake, I actually feel very refreshed, so I think my fever's gone down. Tomorrow, I'll still be staying at home so we can wait and see, but the day after tomorrow I think I'll be able to move around again.

The next day, Lutz, with a basket strapped to his back, stops by to pay me a visit on his way to the forest. Although my fever's gone down, today's another day in which I shouldn't be leaving my bed, so I'm extremely happy to have someone to talk to, even if it's only for a little bit.

"Hey, Maine! I heard you're feeling better? Tory told me a little while ago, when she met me downstairs." "Yeah, since last night. I'm staying home all day today to make sure, but tomorrow I think I'll be able to go out." "Oh, okay! It's been a long time since you've been sick for so long, I was worried."

It seems that both Lutz and my family have been very worried, since I haven't had a fever that's lasted this long in quite some time.

"You missed helping prepare the pork this year, too." "Ahhh, it just can't be helped, this time of year."

I've slowly become more-or-less used to going to the butcher's and seeing chickens get sliced up, but there's no way I can go along with the rest of the family thinking that I'm going to enjoy this once-per-year experience. I still can't even make myself want to participate. I actually caught myself thinking that I was so lucky that it came and went while I was still stuck in bed with a fever.

"Yesterday," I say, "I looked over the board that Mister Benno left us and put together an education plan for us. Tomorrow, I'd like to go to Mister Benno's shop, return this board, and ask him if I could buy a calculator, maybe..." "...Oh, that's right, what's on that board, anyway?"

Lutz claps his hands together, apparently having only just remembered that the board even existed, and leans forward curiously. He looks like he's ready to listen to every word.

"It's related to the education apprentices get. Lutz, how much of your letters and numbers do you think you remember?" "All the ones you taught me...?" he says, tilting his head doubtfully at me like the answer was obvious.

Startled, I open my eyes wide. I didn't expect in the slightest that he'd completely remember everything.

"What? Really?! You don't usually use them, but you haven't forgotten any?!" "...Well, you know, it's so rare for someone to be able to teach me things, so once I finally learned how to write, I didn't want to forget, so I kept writing on the ground or the wall with my finger, and then after I bought my slate I've been practicing on that ever since." "Lutz, that's amazing!"

Lutz is an even harder worker than I thought. Wait, no; I've still been thinking that it's only natural that people get educated, and that it's easy to get any information you want whenever you want it. I wonder if this is too naive? I've never actually thought about not wanting to learn knowledge that I'd finally received. After all, if I ever forgot it, I could just get a book and read about it again. If I just remembered what kind of books I can find things in, then I could easily obtain, on demand, any information that I wanted. I've never had a need to memorize the entire contents of it before.

"Nah, I'm not amazing at all. You're the amazing one, being able to read really large numbers like you can." "Then, I can teach you how to read big numbers too! Pick up that slate."

I teach him about the ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, and ever-larger digits. The town marketplace uses three-digit numbers, so he can read those easily, but it seems he doesn't understand numbers larger than that. Holding the slate in place, I run through the digits until Lutz starts counting along with me. After reading them aloud many times, I write up a series of suitably large numbers on the slate.

"Alright, question one. How do you read 78,946,215?" "Ummm, one, ten, hundred, thousand, ten thousand, hundred thousand, million, ten million, so..."

Lutz tackles each problem earnestly and, in no time at all, starts to be able to read numbers up to the ten millions. I wonder what's higher, his memory or his concentration skills? Lutz's specs are way higher than I thought they'd be. We'll be able to put a ton of effort into studying this winter.

If he's this smart... there's not actually a single thing I can actually beat him in, is there?

As I start feeling a little sorry for myself, Tory comes back up from downstairs, bringing a bucket of water from the well with her. When she sees Lutz, she shouts in surprise.

"What the... Lutz?! Weren't you supposed to go to the forest? Everyone else left already, you know?!" "Yikes! Sorry, Maine. I gotta go! Thanks for teaching me!"

Panicking, Lutz shoots to his feet, then dashes out the door. At that speed, he should be able to catch up to everyone else well before they even reach the gate.

The next day, my family grants me permission to leave the house, so Lutz and I head out to Benno's shop in the afternoon, when he has the free time to meet with us. However, when we arrive, the entrance is closed, and a single guard stands quietly outside.

"Huh?" I say. "I guess it's still lunchtime..." "Want to go back to the central square and sit down for a bit? Standing around the whole time would be really hard, right?" "Yeah, you're right. Finding someplace to sit down sounds like a really good idea right now."

As the two of us discuss how we're going to kill the time, the guard beckons to us, as if he's completely recognized our faces.

"I'll go ask the master if it's okay to let you two in. Would please you wait here for a moment?" "Yes, sir, and thank you!"

The guard disappears into the shop, then immediately returns, opening the door wide to let us in. Inside, the shop is gloomy with the windows and doors shut. He leads us briskly back to the office in the back and opens the door. Inside, the sunlight streams brightly in through the window, and a brilliant fire burns within the hearth.

"Maine, are you feeling better now?"

Benno, who seems to have been in the middle of some work, sets aside his pen and ink and stands to greet us.

"Yes, sir. I've come to return this board to you. I also have some questions I'd like to ask, is that okay?" "Sure, go ahead. I've got some things I'd like to talk with you about too, but you two go first."

Benno gestures to the table we usually sit at, and prompts me to begin.

"Thank you very much for lending me this," I say. "Thanks to it, I was able to form some ideas about a plan for studying during the winter." "Oh?" "Ummm, as I was reading it, a few questions occurred to me. I understand that taking care of our appearance and giving proper greetings is necessary, but to what degree do we need to take care of our appearance? Also, if merchants have any specific greetings or phrases, unfortunately neither of us actually know them."

"Ahh," he says, studying us carefully.

"To start with, although you two are commoners living near the south gate, you aren't grungy at all, so all you need to worry about is your work clothes. You can get the minimum for about ten small silver coins, so if you start saving now, then by the summer you could probably afford it." "Ten small silver coins...," mumbles Lutz, dumbfounded. "I'm so glad I copied Maine and saved some away..."

To Lutz, whose mother spins thread and makes all of the clothes for her family, the concept of spending ten small silver coins on clothing and shoes comes as an enormous shock. I'm shocked as well, but clothing here is not something you get off the shelf. It's all made to order, so I thought that the price was going to be something around those lines. It's definitely very expensive, but it's still something that we could buy if we work very hard come springtime to earn money making paper.

"Next is your manner of speech. Maine, you're okay, but Lutz, you need work. You need to learn how to speak politely, otherwise I can't put you out in front of customers the way you talk now."

Lutz, having been singled out, is at a loss for words. Picking up how to speak politely is really difficult if nobody around him does it either. I try to think about who the best person for him to imitate would be, out of all the people we know.

"You could use Mister Mark as a reference for speaking politely." "...Urrrgh, it makes me really kinda... itchy, though."

I can sympathize with the unstable sort of feeling of being suddenly told to change one's manner of speech to something that's entirely unlike yourself. However, if he's unable to do so, he won't be able to stand out in the front of the shop. This is doubly true in Benno's shop, which is rapidly growing its base of noble clientele. If we want to climb to the top, we absolutely need to learn how to manage our appearance, our speech, and our manners.

"That's okay," I reassure him. "You can do it if you try! You know how Benno usually talks one way, then in front of customers he's suddenly speaking very politely? It would be great if you could do the same thing when you're dealing with customers, too."

Even though I've never actually seen Benno switch to a more polite manner of speech, even when talking to the guild leader, I'm certain that if he thought he had to, he could do it in a heartbeat. Otherwise, he'd be a terrible fit for a merchant.

"There's no real need for you to talk super politely to me or your family, you know? Also, when I'm talking with the guild leader or Mister Benno, I use different words than I do when I'm talking to you, right? Does that make you itchy. too?" "Now that you say that... nah, I guess not. You talk normally to me, so I guess I never really noticed."

If you can smoothly switch between modes, it's not something you ever notice. Even if you start out being uncomfortable with it, as you keep using polite speech, you rapidly become used to it.

"So, for the words you're going to be using just at work, why don't you try practicing how Mister Mark speaks? Start with things like addressing people as 'sir' and 'ma'am' and using 'please' and 'thank you' more often... I believe that would best, wouldn't you agree?"

As I switch to more polite phrasing for the last sentence, Lutz nods in comprehension.

"Yeah, sounds good, sir!" "Argh, no! I'm a girl, say 'ma'am'!" "Snrk! Gaahahahaha!"

Benno, having watched our exchange, erupts in a belly-bursting laugh, slapping the table uproariously, wiping tears from his eyes and clutching his sides.

"Ahaha... well, I have no idea how far you two can get over the winter, but keep at it, kids."

He shows no sign of calming down, so I peer at him in mild disapproval, though it doesn't seem to do much. I clench my fist tightly, resolving that we're going to make so much progress this winter that he'll be shocked. This jogs my memory, and I remember the favor I wanted to ask of him.

"Ah, that's right! Mister Benno?" "What's up?" "I'd like a calculator so that I can work on learning how to use it. If I can't practice, I won't be able to really master it."

Mark is capable of using his calculator very quickly, flicking beads around with his fingers while simultaneously thinking of the next steps. I probably won't be able to get quite as good as him, but for things like abacuses, practice is very important.

"A calculator, hmm... If a secondhand one from my shop is alright with you, I can sell it for six large copper coins. How does that sound? Can the two of you share one?" "Yes sir, thank you very much."

Lutz and I tap our guild cards together with Benno's, agreeing to pay him three coins each. He then gives us our new calculator.

"We'll be able to study math with this, Lutz." "Yeah," he replies. "Did you have anything else you wanted to ask?" says Benno.

Something immediately flashes to mind.

"Ah, I'll need to order a new contract sheet-sized paper frame before springtime, if that's not too much trouble..." "Just fill out an order form. Mark already knows what you're looking for, he can go handle it." "Huh? But..."

When we'd been going around to various places to place our orders, Mark had told us that if we weren't there ourselves to describe what we wanted, there's no telling what kind of trouble we might get ourselves into. I don't think leaving it all to him is the best idea.

"I've got something else I need you to do for me. Hey, just write it down, okay?"

Urged onwards, I draw my ordering set out of my tote bag. By now, I'm down to a single board that I can use for ordering.

"Mister Benno, it seems that I'm running out of boards for order forms..." "Yeah, you've done a lot of ordering, haven't you. I'll get you some more." "Whoa! I've almost run out of ink, too!"

Not only have I written a lot of orders, but when we were working on our prototypes, it was necessary for me to use even more ink in order to test how easy it was to write on the paper. I've used quite a lot of it by now.

When I say that, Benno's face tightens sharply. "...I want to charge you for this, but... well, whatever. I'll call this part of my initial investment."

I'm a little shocked by this. Otto had said that ink was very expensive and thus not a child's plaything. However, I'd never heard how much it actually cost.

Timidly, I ask, "If you'll pardon the digression, might I ask how much a bottle of ink would cost?" "About four small silver coins each." "Eek?!"

Lutz and I couldn't afford it even if we scraped together everything we've saved so far!

"Use it carefully," he warns me. "Y... yes, sir. Of course!"

I'd been thinking that I wanted some ink of my own to use for my book-making project, but I think I'll have to give up on trying to buy it. Using my leftover soot pencils is probably my best bet.

My pen scratches at the surface of the board as I write out my order. I'm very used to this by now. The tip of the pen quickly dulls, but Lutz immediately sharpens it again for me. I ask Benno to get an average-sized contract for me, use my tape measure to determine its size, and finish writing out the rest of the order.

Benno looks over my completed form, then nods slightly.

"No mistakes or spelling errors at all. I'll get this over to Mark. ...Maine, if you don't get that paper frame and can't make any paper, I'll be in just as much trouble as you. Don't worry about it, I'll make sure it's done right." "Thank you very much, sir."

I'm relieved to hear Benno say that he'll take responsibility for making sure it'll be made correctly. Breathing out slowly, I tidy up my ordering set.

"...Is that all you wanted to talk about, you two?" "Yes, sir," I say, nodding emphatically.

Benno sits up straight, his expression going serious. Guessing that this is going to be a discussion about some sort of transaction, Lutz and I straighten up as well.

"Well then, I've got something I'd like to ask as well. Maine, it's about the hair-washing liquid you taught me how to make." "What is it?"

I'd explained how to make it quite a ways back, when we were still in the middle of prototyping our paper, on one of the days where we were borrowing the key for the warehouse. I should have already told him everything. Since I've already relinquished all of my rights to it thanks to the contract magic, I have no idea whatsoever about what he could possibly have to ask after all this time. As I study him curiously, my head tilted to the side, his expression grows increasingly troubled as he opens his mouth to speak.

"You told me that melil oil is best oil to use, so I've been gathering it until now, but..." "Huh? Shouldn't melil be almost out of season? Have you not made anything yet?"

Lutz and I exchange glances. Melil should be about out of season. The two of us had gathered a lot of it already and made it all into simple shampoo. I would have thought that Benno, who is constantly seeking profit, would have started production a long time ago and would have sold a large quantity of it since then.

"Well, I'd acquired a large crop of them, and had a workshop start making it, but the other day they came to me and said that it wasn't coming out right, even if they made it exactly the way you said. Can you think of any reason that might be?"

I frown as I think about what he said. Fundamentally, the entire procedure boils down to just smashing, then pressing, then mixing in scents. I can't think of any place in the process that could actually go wrong. I tilt my head to the side in confusion, as does Lutz, who has helped me make shampoo countless times.

"...Even if they're saying it's not turning out right, if you're making simple shampoo, then... it's not a very difficult process, is it?" "I know, right?"

I have a ton of ideas on how to make it better, if I only had the ingredients, but in its current simple form, I can't think of a reason why it would ever fail. It always turned out the same no matter if it was me, Tory, or Lutz who was making it.

"I really didn't want to bring you out, but if we don't manage to complete this, then this will turn into something the contract magic would have to deal with. Sorry, but could you come with me to the workshop?" "Yes, sir!" I reply.

If I recall correctly, the penalties for violating a magical contract are very severe. In the worst case, they could even mean death. As soon as I cutely chirp out my immediate response, though, Lutz grabs hold of my arm.

"Maine, I think you should probably stop for today. Your fever's only barely just gone back down, and you're not all the way back to normal, right?"

Lutz is correct, but in this season there's not going to be a whole lot of time where I'm actually at peak health. This is definitely a season where my fever could flare up at any point, if I'm even just a little bit unprepared. If just not having a fever doesn't count as being healthy, then I'd never be able to leave my house for anything.

"But I don't know how long it'll take me to get totally healthy again, and if we let this go for too long then the snow is going to start falling, so we should go now, while my fever's down, right?" "Well, you're not wrong, but..."

Benno pats Lutz's worried head reassuringly. "Don't worry too much, Lutz. I'll carry her, so we won't be making her walk. Not like I can stand walking that slowly, anyway." "...Well, in that case, I guess it's okay, huh?"

With that, Benno picks me up once again, and we head out.

He asked me about what could have caused the failure, but I've never actually seen this fail before.

I wonder if he really understood me?

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