#a version of themselves that were less compromised

[atinystraynstay]

Off Limits - Jeong Yunho

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Synopsis: Going to college for you was very serious. Nothing could stand in the way which meant often rejecting social events and saying no to anything to risk. That was until you met Yunho, someone you would risk it all for.

Pairing: College!Jeong Yunho x fem. reader

Genre: mutual pining, strangers to friends with benefits - MINORS DNI

Contains: mentions of celibacy, mentions of alcohol consumption, nudity, oral (f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), dirty talk, slight begging, protected intercourse, characters losing their virginity, orgasm

Note: based on a request from @jonghoslvt ☆ no joke, I adore you and never thought you'd take up my offer. I really hope this doesn't disappoint because I literally fell in love with the idea the moment you hit my inbox

Word Count: 7.8k

"But y/n, it's not even a frat party," your best friend whined. "Yeah! We're too old for that anyways," your other friend chimed in.

You currently found yourself in a standoff. At first, you had situated yourself in your bed with your textbooks to have a quiet night in. Your friends, however, took it upon themselves to propose an alternative idea. One that you often rejected.

"Are you forgetting that we have midterms next week? I would like to start spring break stress-free."

Your entire life has been focused on going to college. If asked about your childhood, you would always recall how happy you were growing up. But you never overlooked the sacrifices your parents made for you. Going to college was never realistic or them, so they worked overtime I order to provide you with the opportunity to live a better life than they ever got a chance for. Their struggles were something you can never ignore, which made you want to work hard to make them proud.

And since getting to college, it was about doing well to be able to show them why their hard work was worth it. You also had a personal goal of being able to afford to repay them for everything.

To get to that point, that meant often saying no to social obligations so you could study. Your weekends often looked like you were crammed in the library. Or, if you needed human interaction, propping yourself at a coffee shop to mix in with the crowd.

Breaks were the opportunities to let loose and have a little bit of fun. Yet, your breaks often looked like doing work for internships. Now that senior year has arrived, you are also adding in time to scroll through LinkedIn and Indeed for potential job openings

"Y/n, I adore you, and what a little studious bookworm you are. However, it is senior year. We have less than 3 months to make stupid decisions before adult obligations. There is also the chance we might not be living even in the same state or country! Do you really want to live life only when we come to visit or you visit someone else?"

You never went to a frat party. You never had a random hookup. You always played things safe.

You couldn't help but let out a sigh as you gazed down at your lap where your textbook rested. She had a point. While you were very excited about being that true adult version of you, you weren't ready for the hard parts of it like no longer living with your best friends or really having little interaction.

"And I'll tell you what. We don't have to stay all night. If you get overwhelmed or are over it, we will come straight home and watch Love Is Blind."

You perked up at her compromise. When you looked up, hopeful eyes were staring back at you before you silently nodded. That was enough to send them into squeals and start to drag yourself out of bed.

What were you getting yourself into?

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Little did you know, across campus, a similar debate was going on.

"Guys, I really don't like house parties like that," Yunho huffed. "And how do you know if you've ever been?" Mingi challenged him.

Yunho couldn't help but narrow his eyes on his best friend. He had a point, but damn, did he hate it when he was right. Out of the two them, Mingi was the more social one. Before a party was finalized, Mingi was already receiving texts about the details so word could spread like wildfire.

On the other hand, Yunho often opted for quiet nights in. He would spend nights either gaming with Seonghwa or drinking at home with a few friends. What was the point in going to a house party when they already had beer in their apartment?

There was also a part that loved hearing Mingi's retelling of what went down. Yunho simply didn't like parties, the situations that could arise from consuming too much alcohol, and the morning recovery.

"You owe me!" "For what?!"' "I mean," Mingi began. "I am your best friend. I'm sure you owe me something!"

Yunho rolled his eyes but couldn't fight the smirk curling onto his lips. It amused him greatly the antics Mingi always tried getting into, and how he basically became a whimpering puppy for attention.

"What will you do for me if I go?" Yunho challenged. "I will literally never ask you to come out again if you absolutely hate it. Or I will do all the chores in the house for the next month."

That caught Yunho's attention instantly. He liked to consider himself a very clean man, never knowing who might step into their humble abode. However, Yunho still liked to maintain a welcoming household and seemed like he had things together. First impressions mattered the most to him. And it was no secret Mingi often dirtied up any clean space, no matter how recently Yunho finished cleaning.

"Wait? Are you being serious?"

With Mingi cleaning, that meant that Yunho could just spend time the way he wanted to - playing video games and chilling with his friends. Yunho definitely was a person who liked being around people, but he didn't like situations that could get messy quickly. Hence why there was a slight aversion to going to parties where things could go 0 to 100 too quickly.

At home, Yunho was in control. He was the mood maker who kept a warm, welcoming environment. That meant one that was clean and safe for everyone. An oasis from the chaos of university.

"I'm dead serious, Yunho." "Deal!"

Little to Yunho know just how overwhelming the atmosphere would be. Even though Yunho certainly liked making memories with his friends, he was almost intimidated. All around him were drinks being passed left and right, not even knowing what was in the drink but it made his noise scrunch up as all he could smell was cheap perfume and alcohol. It practically burned his nostrils.

"Relax, Yunho," Wooyoung laughed. "You are about to give away that you've never had pussy before."

Yunho's head snapped towards his younger friend, a look of shock on his face. "Do you ever not think with your dick?"

"Will you ever sleep with someone? Come on. You're in college. Make a bad decision." "I'm fine with sticking to this one," Yunho sighed.

It wasn't that Yunho didn't want to have sex. However, he knew just how special being intimate with someone is. What mattered to him was waiting for the person he felt like he could be that vulnerable with. Just finding a random person and doing it sounds disgusting. Not how he wanted his first time go.

Nobody has caught his attention yet.

"Oh ease up, Yunho. Woo just is looking out for you," Mingi laughed. "But if you do find someone, bedrooms are open upstairs.

I think I'm going to be sick.

"Well, to be the bearer of good news," Jongho called out. "It seems like Yunho has a pair of eyes on him."

What was he talking about?

Slowly, Yunho looked over his shoulder whereas his friends seemed to wipe their heads around. Way to be subtle. There was this pattern that always occurred where girls seemed to have taken an interest in Yunho, but he never reciprocated. He was just content with the way things were in his life - no drama, no mess.

His eyes widened slightly at the sight behind him. There's no way.

Yunho has seen you around campus before. The two of you have never had a class together, seeing as your respective programs were in two different buildings. Yet, there were always ways you two crossed paths. You were heavily involved on campus or often in the library studying. Yunho did frequent the library, but if there was no immediate open spot available, he would leave. He always thought you were cute, but the opportunity never presented itself where he could make a move.

He didn't quite think that asking someone, a complete stranger, out on a date in the library when they were obviously busy was romantic.

To be honest, he never saw you as a party girl. You were often studying out of your mountain of textbooks or typing like your life depended on it on your laptop. He adored that side of you. When your hair was pulled back and your glasses framed your face, highlighting your big eyes.

Tonight, you opted for a different look. You ditched your sweats for a short black skirt that had a small slit on the right side. You wore a white shirt but that was mostly hidden underneath the leather jacket you wore. Your hair was downing loose curls. Your makeup also looked like it was light, but he was drawn to your cherry red lipstick.

I wonder if it also tastes like cherries.

Yet, tonight, you seemed like you had no agenda. Your eyes did glance in his direction, followed by whispers and giggles from your friends. To say his interest was peaked is an understatement.

You were someone who caught his attention. And his friends seemed to notice.

"Hey y/n," Mingi called out.

Yunho's head immediately turned towards Mingi who wore a smirk on his face. He wouldn't.

But it was too late. Mingi was already halfway across the room to greet you and your friends. And Yunho was hot on his trails.

"See you finally are breaking out of the library to join the rest of us," he commented.

You rolled your eyes before greeting him with a hug. Of course, Mingi knew you. He knew everyone. How did you two meet though? You weren't an ex-girlfriend or else you would have been over to the dorms. And you had a face that was impossible to forget. Maybe Mingi got tutoring from you?

"Don't hold your breath, Mingi. I was offered an out if I want to take it," you warned.

Your voice was just as angelic as Yunho imagined it. You often studied alone, unless you were shoved into a group project by your professors. Hearing how you speak made his heart flutter.

"Well maybe I can offer a reason to stay?"

You tilted your head in confusion. Mingi nodded over his shoulder which caused you to instinctively look over.

Everything else froze the moment your eyes met. It was like a scene from a romantic movie where the lights highlight the dream girl, music fades out. Nothing else matters at the moment besides you.

"Y/n, I want you to meet my best friend, Jeong Yunho. Yunho, be nice. This is y/n."

I was brought back to reality by Mingi gently patting me on the shoulder and giving me a slight shove. Luckily, I was quick on my feet to prevent myself from stumbling into this girl and making a fool out of myself. The wouldn't be a great first impression.

By your body language, Yunho could tell that you were out of your element. But so was he. Your eyes bounced around as you noticed your friends and his had left the two of you alone.

"Why don't we head out of here? Maybe go to the kitchen? Away from the crowds?"

Your eyes instantly lit up at his offered. The sight of you feeling relieved made Yunho felt proud, but also served as a motivating factor to ensure you always felt that content especially around him.

With a hand on your lower back, Yunho escorted you two out of the main part of the house. His eyes flickered all around to see where there were less people. However, people were playing drinking games in the kitchen. He glanced down at the cup in your hand to see you still had something to drink. The stairs, on the other hand, were vacant.

"Come on, let's go upstairs. I've been wanting to get to know you, y/n," he confessed.

Instantly, you felt your cheeks heat up. You nodded before following Yunho's lead. Your friend groups watched almost in astonishment at how quickly things progressed. Mingi was the proudest, as he played cupid after all.

As the two of you descended up the stairs, you could hear the bass of the music from below but could not quite make out the words. The loud conversations faded out to where you could just hear the footsteps of you and Yunho. You swore though you could feel your racing, and you were nervous Yunho could hear it too.

He flashed you a warm smile as he began trying the doorknob on the first door he saw.

"Occupied!" Someone shouted from within. The two of you felt yourself get hot in the face.

Quickly, he maneuvered the two of you to the bedroom across the hallway. Luckily, the door was slightly cracked and lights were off. An indicator that it was unoccupied. And to confirm, Yunho stepped in first by gently pushing the door. He let out a sigh of relief as there was no one.

"Perfect. Now I can actually get to know you."

He wanted to know me? The girl who is always studying?

He stepped out of the doorway, his back against the bedroom door to allow you inside. You thanked him with a soft smile before stepping into the room. You did notice he closed the door but also left it unlocked. It honestly made you feel a bit safer just by his gentle gaze and consideration.

Whenever you've seen Yunho walking around campus, you've always taken note of his soft aura. Maybe that's why it was so easy to lean into the potential friendship with him.

You found yourself walking into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. Your hands flattened out the skirt so it covered a bit more of your legs. Yunho joined you, keeping a bit of space but nothing too much. Just enough so you could speak one another but be respectful and mindful of your own personal space.

"I'm surprised to see you here tonight," Yunho commented, a smile still on his lips. "You just never seemed to be the party girl." "You know me already," you laughed. "I'm honestly not but my friends want to make lasting memories before graduation," you explained.

Yunho couldn't help but chuckle which caused you to raise an eyebrow. He quickly cleared his throat, a light hue coating his cheeks.

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you, I promise. It just seems that our friends are in the same mindset since that's why I got dragged out of the apartment tonight." "I guess it isn't so bad now that I'm here with you."

You swore that Yunho's cheeks got darker. You also noticed how his smile widened to the point his eyes became hidden. He was just too adorable.

"So mystery girl knows who I am," he chuckled again.

God, his laugh was so infectious. I could just sit hear and listen to it all day.

"And I'm surprised my campus crush knows even who I am." "Oh? I'm your campus crush?" He smirked.

Now it was your turn to blush a bit. Damn, caught red-handed.

"Well yeah. I've seen you all over with Mingi or when you are trying to study in the library. Guess you could say I've always been curious."

Yunho's ego soared. He didn't come here to get lucky, but he was. He felt as if he had one the lottery.

"There's something else I've been curious about," he admitted.

Your upper body had turned towards him. The moonlight shining from the window made your eyes sparkle. It was as if you had the whole universe in your eyes. Your head was tilted slightly, a habit Yunho was quickly learning about you and equally adored.

One hand remained at a respectful spot in the space between the two of you. Yet, his right hand reached across to cup your cheek. His thumb caressed your cheek affectionately as your eyes widened slightly. Yet, your body felt relaxed underneath his touch.

He never wanted to take things too far, but a little kiss never hurts, right?

"Is it okay if I kiss you, y/n?" He whispered.

Your name coming from his lips sent butterflies in your stomach. "Yes," you whispered back.

He offered another gentle smile before he leaned in to press his lips against yours. His lips felt soft and gentle as he didn't want to pressure you to kiss him back. But you would be a mad person if you didn't. You matched his tempo, allowing him to lead the kiss.

Tiny electric shocks were sent throughout your body. You couldn't help but allow your arms to wrap around his neck, which gave him the green light to move his hand off the bed to your knee. His warm hand caressed your exposed skin.

"I like the feeling of your hands on me," you murmured against his lips.

Fuck, Yunho, you're in trouble. Your statement made his brain all fuzzy. Yet, he didn't want to get too ahead of himself. He was almost positive you meant innocence in your statement.

His hand moved from your knee to your hip where he lifted you with ease. You gasped softly, pulling back from the kiss. You never expected him to be so strong! Your mouth was slightly open as you were positioned on his lap.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Yunho said. "Did I move too fast?"

You turned towards him and shock your head. Your heartbeat was felt throughout your whole body. If it was anyone else, you might have gone running out the door by how overwhelmingly intense the moment felt. With Yunho? All you wanted was to stay.

"No, this is perfect," you confessed. Your one hand stayed wrapped around his neck, your fingers running through your hair. "Is this okay? I mean, I've never done anything like this before. I don't just kiss cute boys who I barely now."

Yunho couldn't help but smile softly at your sentiment. You were too sweet. "Well, maybe we can become more than strangers?" His hand caressed your side affectionately, easing any nerves left in your body.

"I'd like that," you whispered.

You were about to go in to kiss Yunho again when the bedroom door busted open. You gasped as Yunho gently moved you off, shielding your body. The people who busted in just gasped before quickly closing the door behind them, muttering apologizes.

Way to kill the mood.

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That was three weeks ago. Yunho and you kept in good contact, especially now that Mingi prided himself in bringing two of his favorite people together. Even though you and Yunho were as far from being a couple as anything else. If anything, you two were beginning to deepen your friendship.

Yunho now had a reliable person to study, with who would keep him accountable for actually getting work done. And you had someone who made life fell less lonely.

And it was a bonus that each study session ended with a makeout session at your apartment. It was almost a ritual between the two of you. At the end of the night, Yunho would make sure you had eaten before walking him. You would then offer to come in for some water or coffee, depending on what else he had going on in the evening. Which were ultimately excuses to go to your bedroom.

Never before had you felt so safe with someone. Yunho looked after you, which honestly blew you away considering how new the friendship was. Yet, for Yunho, taking care of you was a duty. Even if you weren't official, he always wanted to make sure you knew someone was looking out for you.

That was as evident as ever when you two were behind closed doors. Light kisses led to light touches. His hands often wondered to your lower back, maybe underneath your shirt to cup your bra-covered breasts. Your hands would fall on his chest, sometimes down his abs towards where his belt was. Kisses on your lips led to neck kisses then to hickies which your roommates teased you relentlessly about.

Nothing more though. You had told Yunho that you were always anxious when it came to sex. You didn't want to jeopardize everything you worked for. And Yunho always respected that, especially since he was waiting for the right person. He didn't want to regret something so meaningful. And you respected that too.

Yet, you couldn't ignore your own urges anymore. There was something powerful between the two of you. You just weren't sure how to tell Yunho how you were feeling without scaring him off.

The past three weeks have been the time of your life. He made you feel warm and fuzzy, as if you were the main character in a Nicholas Spark's novel. And Yunho felt like he was on Cloud 9 with you. He never wanted to lose that feeling.

Buzz buzz

You were currently in the kitchen of your college apartment, slicing up an apple and peanut butter. A favorite study time snack of yours. Your eyes warned over to see Yunho's name flash on your phone which instantly brought a smile on your face.

"Oh! Y/n must be talking to Yunho," your roommate teased.

You rolled your eyes but couldn't fight the smile growing on your lips. Yeah, you were down bad for him.

"Hey pretty girl, what are you up to today?" "Not studying! I got everything done." "So you have time for me?"

Your smile grew wider at his text. You literally felt your heart flutter.

"Maybe.. is it worth it though?" "Oh darling, don't you worry. I'm going to make sure you feel on top of the world." "Where are we going?" "My place? 7pm?"

You glanced at the time at the top left corner of your phone. 5:41pm. Not much time to get ready.

"Anything I should bring over?" "Just yourself. It is all I need."

Lord have mercy.

Your snack was long forgotten as you ran up the stairs. The excitement about seeing Yunho, being alone with him drove you in ways academic achievement and goals accomplished never could.

You wear wearing a loose sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. Nothing too suggestive but also easy to remove. You never wanted to go in assuming any situation, but you couldn't help but be hopeful. Your roommates also noticed your change of perspective since Yunho came into your life. They liked seeing this side of you - the side where you were allowing yourself to enjoy life rather than focus on work and outcomes.

"Make sure you say hi to Yunho for us," your one roommate teased as you rushed to grab your wallet and keys. "Should we expect you tonight or tomorrow afternoon?"

Your cheeks were a bit red, not from embarrassment. There was not one ounce that was ashamed to be so scandalous with Yunho. Maybe it was because it was your little secret, the part of your that you were allowing to flourish for the first time, that was being exposed. While you weren't sure if you and Yunho would be anything more than friends, you were safe to say you were no longer strangers.

"I'll just text you guys when I'm heading home," you laughed, trying to ease your own nerves. Yet, you felt all the butterflies in your stomach which mad you jittery.

"Oh, no need. We have your location, y/n." "Creeps," you huffed. "Or just care about your well-being! But we also know Yunho will take care of that part."

I need to get out of here. Glancing at the clock, you saw it was 6:47pm. Yunho was just a 5 minute walk away from your apartment, so you were in no rush but any excuse to get to Yunho quickly.

"Hey, I'm heading over now :)" you texted him. "Can't wait to be with you."

You waved goodbye to your roommates who sounded off in encouraging cheers. You shook your head playfully before walking out the door to Yunho's apartment. With each step, your heartbeat is faster and louder. He had you wrapped around his finger and you didn't even know how to tell him.

"Hi pretty girl," Yunho said, answering the door. His height always left you breathless. You knew you were down bad when his height is something you adore. He was dressed in a grey sweatshirt with a yellow smiley face in the middle and black sweatpants.

Gently, he stepped out of the way to allow you to enter. You smiled appreciatively before walking in and slipped off your shoes. Mingi was in the kitchen, wiping down the countertop after dinner assumedly.

"Hey y/n. I'm about to head out!" He exchanged a look with Yunho, but you were too hyper-focused on Yunho's hand on your lower back. You could basically turn into Jell-o. "I'll see you around," he snickered.

"Bye Mingi," Yunho muttered. His demeanor softened when he turned towards you though, offering that gentle smile that makes you want to do anything he says. "Wanna go up to my room?"

You nodded before taking the lead. You've been all too familiar with the staircase that led up to Yunho's bedroom. Each time you walked in front of him, Yunho struggled. He surely had the best view in the world but wanted to do his absolute best to remain respectful.

Once you arrived in his room, you were a bit taken back. This wasn't the usual setup. You were much accustomed to the floor lamp being on, his laptop ready for a movie.

Tonight, the no lights were on. Instead, he had lit a few candles that were new additions to the top of his dresser. It created a glow in the room that was warm and welcoming. It also had a smell of vanilla and cashmere, two of your favorite scents. He was a good listener. Soft, sensual music was playing in the background from the speaker by his desk.

You stepped into the room but didn't go to the bed this time. You turned towards him, keeping a bit of distance but yearning to be close to him.

"What's all this for, Yunho?"

He loved the way his name sounded from your lips. It sent shivers down his spine. He smiled gently before taking a step closer, closing the door behind him. Once again, he didn't lock it right away. Yunho was the exception in a world of boys where he was a gentleman. He always offered you an out, always a way to leave if you so choose. Yunho never placed expectations on you. He followed your lead.

"Y/n," he began. One of his hands gently reached out for yours, fingers gently wrapping around your own but not quite holding it just yet. It was endearing. "You mean so much to me. I mean, I've always been mesmerized by you, but I never knew someone could have such a large impact until you came into my life. I've never wanted to open up to someone the way I open up to you."

Your eyes widened slightly, stepping even a bit closer to Yunho. Your mind was jumping to conclusions but you did everything to stay calm.

"There is just something special between us, angel," he whispered. His hand fully slipped into yours as the other gently moved to hold your hip, keeping you close. His touch was gentle yet firm, almost as if he was begging you to say but also allowing you to move if you desired. "You complete me in ways I never imagined. Both emotionally and mentally, and our physical connection is something I'd like to explore more."

Oh my god.

"I understand if maybe that's something you never wanted with me but-" "But just kiss me. Please."

His eyes now widened this time. You were biting your lip gently as you gazed up at him with your big doe eyes.

Come on, Yunho. Get it together.

No longer hesitating, he leaned in fully to press his lips against yours. His hand squeezed your hip affectionately. Unlike the other times he's kissed you, this was more passion. He had a certain level of assertiveness that made you melt. Your hands moved from holding his to resting on his chest and the other on his arm.

With ease, Yunho picked you up which caused you squeal. He pulled back from the kiss to look up at you. You noticed this time his gaze was a bit more seductive which made you feel all tingly.

"Oh darling, I'll get you squealing for another reason soon enough," he promised you.

Your legs wrapped around his waist. You knew he'd never let you fall, so your action was more to lure him in closer. His hands moved to hold your ass, giving a playful squeeze which indeed sent your squealing again. Even though the sensations were newer to you, it felt so good when it was Yunho touching you.

Gently, Yunho tossed you on his bed. Your sweatshirt moved a bit to expose your midriff. Your hair was sprawled out on his comforter. And with the glow from the candles, Yunho swore you looked angelic.

"You can say no at anytime, darling," he promised you. His voice was in a soft tone but firm. This was serious for him which made your heart swell.

"I trust you. This is new for me too, but I want to experience it with you."

At first, he remained standing at the foot of his bed. Just enough so he could slip his own sweatshirt over his head. You couldn't help but stare at his exposed chest. He was built so beautifully.

Yunho noticed which caused him to smirk. Not wanting to be apart from you any longer, his hands gently then moved to your exposed skin. "What do you crave first, darling? I want to make sure you're all wet for me."

His words caused your cheeks to warm up tremendously. Your brain was all fuzzy just coming to realize this was actually happening. You were about to have sex with Yunho, your campus crush. This felt just too good yet nothing extraordinary has happened yet.

"Could you eat me out? I've always wanted to know what it feels like," you confessed. "Your wish is my command, princess."

His hands moved from your hips to the waistband of your leggings. He glanced up at you once more to make sure you were comfortable and okay with proceeding. You couldn't help but giggle before running your hand through his hair comfortingly, giving him the nod he needed.

"So gorgeous, y/n, baby," he murmured. His lips kissed the exposed skin of your tummy before both of his hands began to move your legging dow your legs. "You look amazing in these leggings, but I'm so honored to be the one to take them off of you." His eyes then noticed the pink lace panties that you were wearing underneath. A tiny bow was in the front which made his mouth water.

You shivered as his hands gently began to tug off your panties. It was a bit chilly in the room for which Yunho smiled apologetically.

"I'll warm you up in no time, darling." "I have no doubt, baby. I know you always look out for me." "Always," Yunho vowed.

With your leggings and panties on the floor, Yunho crotched in front of you. His hands rested on your knees gently, thumbs caressing the outer part. He was a bit surprised how you opened them almost automatically for him, but he was overjoyed to know you wanted this just as much as him.

His cock twitched at the sight of how wet you already were, a slight glisten already noticeable. "My baby girl needs me, hmm?"

"I like when you speak to me like that," you confessed, letting out a shaky breath.

Yunho moved your one leg over his shoulder as the other rested on your thigh. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable. "What? You like knowing that I want you all to myself? That I want to be selfish?"

You were propped up on your elbows, gazing down at him. Your teeth were sunk into your lower lip in anticipation. All you could bring yourself was to nod in confirmation.

"Well, y/n, sweet girl. You are mine. You've been mine since the party, so don't doubt it again."

His tongue then licked a long strip along your pussy up to your clit. You let out a loud gasp, head tilting back. His hot breath hit your pussy causing you to shiver and spread your legs a bit wider, offering yourself completely to him. He hummed in satisfaction before letting the tip of his tongue circle your clit.

Your back arched slightly off his comforter. Your eyes fluttered shut as you let yourself immerse fully into the pleasure.

He loved the taste of you. So sweet. His tongue ventured up and down your pussy before sticking into your tight hole. You let out a soft moan. It was music to his ears, knowing that he was capable of making you feel so good.

His cock was hardening by the sounds you were making. Twitching and began for attention. Soon though, he would get the relief he's always fantasized about.

You were his main priority though. He wanted this to be just as special, as meaningful for you as it was for him.

He pulled back which made your head snap down. Yunho couldn't help the small pout that formed on your lips. "Don't worry, darlin'. I'm not going anywhere." His lips began to press kisses into your thighs as his one hand left your knee to gently trace along your pussy.

"Is it okay if I finger you, angel? Just want to make sure you're stretched out for me. Don't want to hurt you."

His speech was a bit slurred, almost as if he was drunk off the taste of you.

"Please. I want to feel all of you, want to feel of this for the first time with you."

Yunho leaned down to kiss your thighs. He moved his kisses towards your clit. He could imagine the feeling might be a bit uncomfortable for you at first, so he wanted to help ease you a bit.

When his lips met your clit, he kissed it delicately before wrapping his lips around it. He began sucking on it which had you moaning sweetly. He couldn't help but smile before sliding one finger into you. His eyes looked up at you to see your mouth slightly open. Yet, your body remained relaxed on his bed.

He moved his finger in and out of your pussy slowly. He let out a groan at the feeling of how warm, how wet you were. You just felt so inviting it sent him into a frenzy. He craved more that he was struggling to hold himself back but he knew all good things come with time. His cock was straining against his pants painfully.

"I'm going to add another, sweetheart, okay?" He murmured against you. The vibration of his voice against your pussy caused you to whimper out in euphoria as you still nodded your head.

"Can I hold your hand, baby?" you begged softly.

Instantly, his free hand left your thigh to rest against the comforter for you to hold. He didn't need to be told twice. Whether it was for reassurance or to feel close to him, he would do anything for you.

Slowly, he slipped another finger into you. This time, at the feeling of how full you were, your body tensed a bit. Yet, Yunho kept his fingers still inside of you. He didn't want to rush in as he kept his gaze on you. Feeling your fingers slip into his hand, he squeezed your hand reassuringly. And this time, you squeezed back. "Keep going. Please."

His fingers moved slowly. He couldn't help but stifle the moan from his lips as he wanted to suck on your clit a bit harder, to make sure you were still feeling good. When you started moaning again, he began to curl his fingers gently into your g-spot. That made you moan louder than before, an encouragement for Yunho to proceed.

He then began to spread his two fingers apart, stretching you out properly. Your eyes widened, your breathing becoming shaky and shallow.

"Speak to me, baby girl. How does this feel?" "S-so good, baby." "Tell me what you need." "You. Please." "How do you want me? You've already got me. Right here, angel." "I want you to fuck me."

His fingers stilled inside of you as he pulled back from your clit. He looked up at you as he knew there was no going back. He knew he wanted to continue, but he just wanted to make sure you weren't too caught up in the moment. He didn't want you regret such a vulnerable moment with him.

"Are you positive?" He asked in a gentle voice. "I've never been more sure of anything."

Slowly, his fingers slipped out of your pussy. You whimpered at the lose of contact but quickly moaned when you saw his fingers enter his mouth. He sucked on them gently, humming against his digits. You've never witnessed something so attractive before. Your cheeks were flushed at the sight too.

"So delicious, angel. Thank you for letting me have a taste."

Now standing fully at the end of his bed, his hands moved to undo his belt and unzip his pants. Your eyes widened when you saw the tent in his pants. You couldn't believe he got so turned on by tasting and touching you.

Seeing the effect you had over him made you feel powerful.

Noticing you were staring, he winked at you. "You are the only one with this effect over me. Only one I ever want." His belt clinked against the floor as his pants soon joined, exposing his grey boxers. He was so hot. Does he even know that? You were going to move up to offer to jerk him off or suck him but he stopped you before your upper body could even leave his bed.

Did you do something wrong? You frowned a bit as your eyes quickly landed on his. Was he regretting going this far with you?

"Tonight is all about you, sweetheart." "But I want to make this special for you too," you frowned. "You just being here is enough to make this special. I promise."

You were a bit hesitant, wanting to be insistent on making him feel good. But with the look in his eyes the lustful gaze, you knew it was not a topic up for debate. You settled back onto his comforter as he moved to grab a condom from his bedside table.

He was a man prepared for any scenario. Whether it be one of his friends needing a condom or when a moment like this finally presented itself.

His boxers soon joined the floor. His cock instantly slapped against his abs. You noticed the veins running around the sides and the angry red tip, begging for attention. You made a mental note that you just had to suck Jeong Yunho off.

He grabbed the gold wrapper to tear it open. His right hand grabbed the base of his cock to hold it still as his left hand skillfully slipped the latex on. It just made his cock glisten, make it more appealing.

Finally, Yunho joined you on the bed. His knees rested in between your legs to keep you spread for him. His one hand rested by your head as the other cupped your cheek. You felt his forehead press against yours but not once did he look away from you.

"I mean it when I say we can stop at any point, angel. Just say the word." "Yunho, you're too sweet to me but I need you."

You needed him. God, his eyes nearly rolled at the words you spoke.

He pressed his lips to yours for a moment. Even the room felt hot and heavy, he wanted to remind you just how important you were to him. You kissed him back for a moment until you felt his tip against your pussy. He kept his gaze on you, wanting to make sure you were okay with what happened.

"You ready?" "Yeah," you breathed out.

As slow as ever, Yunho pushed his tip into you. You bit you lip as you kept your eyes trained on him. It felt familiar, just like when his fingers entered you. You nodded slowly before he began to push more of himself into your pussy. His head nearly rolling back at the feeling of how warm and tight you were around him. "Fuck," he breathed out.

The sound of you letting out another whimper caused him to snap back to reality. He frowned when he noticed the tears in your eyes.

"Oh angel," he whispered. He didn't dare move another inch. This wasn't about his pleasure, this was about you. "What's wrong?" "It's just a lot," you confessed. Salty tears began to leave your eyes as you let out a shaky breath. "Do you want me to stop?" "No, no," you begged. "I just need a moment."

Yunho nodded understandingly. He began to press soft kisses along your cheeks, your nose - anything to distract you from the pressure and temporary pain. He wanted to kiss you fully but he noticed you were breathing in deeply, trying to collect yourself and he didn't want to be inconsiderate.

"Take your time," he whispered. His hand moved to wipe your tears. "I go when you say go. I stop when you say stop." You took in another deep breath, really being able to feel how deep he was as your puss instinctively gripped his cock. He bit his lip to not moan, not wanting to do something that pressured you to say go.

However, in the few seconds of regulating your breathing, the pain began to feel like pleasure. It felt good. It was an odd feeling for sure, but one you wanted to continue with.

"Yunho?" you called out gently.

He pulled back so he could look into your eyes. His lips were curled up into that signature soft smile.

"Keep going. Please."

His eyes were trained on yours, almost as if he was looking for any hesitation. Yet, when he didn't see any, he nodded his head gently.

Before continuing to slip himself into you, he offered his hand for you to hold again. He really was a gentleman. Your fingers instantly slipped into his and you gave him a reassuring squeeze. That's all Yunho needed to continue slipping into your pussy.

Your breathing hitched again, but you remembered to breathe through it. And while it was a bit uncomfortable, it wasn't as bad as when you two started. You moaned when he eventually filled you completely.

"You okay, darling?"

He kept still but you could feel all of him inside of you. You felt so close, so vulnerable with him. It was overwhelming in the best sense.

"Never been better," you breathed out.

Satisfied, he began to retreat his hips before thrusting into you. Your head rolled back against his pillows and he rolled his head back at the feeling. "God damn," he breathed out. "You feel so good, angel. All for me."

His thrusts were slow at first, at an even pace. He was treating you as if you were the most delicate thing in the world, something that needed to be fiercely looked after. And while you might have enjoyed the sentiment, you just needed him.

"Baby, go faster, please." "Fuck, are you sure? If you say yes, I might not be able to hold myself back anymore." "Let loose, baby boy." That's all he needed to hear. His hand planted firmly on the space by your head, his other hand still holding yours. However, his thrusts became quicker, became deeper. It was as if something primal took over him.

Your moans were louder as you felt all of him entirely with each threat. He was so big, so thick. He filled you up just so heavenly, in ways you couldn't describe besides perfection.

"That's it," you whined out. "Right there, baby." "God, I could die a happy man this way."

You couldn't help but giggle as you moved your free hand to rest on his shoulder. Your fingernails dug slightly into his skin which seemed to send him pounding deeper into you.

The sound of wet skin slapping made him nearly delirious. He never imagined this would be happening especially not with you. Yunho truly won the jackpot. He watched as your eyes rolled back, your cheeks a light pink color. Your lips were slightly parted as you moaned without any control.

"You're so gorgeous, y/n."

Your walls began to tighten around him, a fire-like feeling taking over your stomach. His jaw was clenched, almost as if he was concentrating. You were a bit curious but began to notice the veins protruding out of his forearms from how hard he was thrusting.

You began to put the dots together.

"Are you close, baby?" "So fucking close," he huffed out. "Are you?"

His eyes were practically glued on you. All to make sure you felt on top of the world. He loved knowing that you two were sharing this experience together. The grip you had on his shoulder further encouraged him to give you everything he had.

No room to hesitate or overthink. "Yeah," you whimpered.

Sweat was beginning to coat his skin. You early drooled at the sight of how delicious he looked. How did you get so lucky?

"Let go, y/n, baby. I'm right there with you."

With one particularly hard thrust, you lost it. You felt like you were being sent into another dimension but the intensity of your orgasm. Nothing could have prepared you for the feeling as you truly believed you saw stars. Your legs shook slightly as Yunho groaned loudly, spurting his hot cum into the condom.

The heavy breathing from the two of you filled the room. The world outside of his bedroom seemed so far away as you felt so consumed by Jeong Yunho. You wouldn't want it any other way.

His cock started to soften inside of you but you two couldn’t bring yourselves to move. Your arms moved to wrap around him softly as he laid gently on you, keeping you close.

There was no other place you wanted to be. I guess sometimes you do need to take a risk and do something that might seem like it is off-limits.

[tieronecrush]

🎃 trick or treat 🎃

summary: it's halloween and joel's taking your girls trick-or-treating with you in a family costume. feeling uncomfortable in his clothes and his skin, he's on edge most of the evening but does his best to disguise it in order to not spoil the fun. back at home, when his girls lightheartedly tease him about everything he already thought about himself, you're sure to end the night showing joel exactly how you feel about him and his body.

wc: 10k (oops?)

warnings: established relationship/married, canon divergent (no outbreak, ellie & sarah are both his kids, sort of obscure with if they're both his bio kids/your kids - basically y'all are a cute lil family either way! also joel is ~40, no age mentioned for reader!), halloween, family/group costumes, DOMESTIC JOEL!!!, fluff, body insecurities, age insecurities, joel has minor sensory issues?, his kids poke fun at him, sensitive joel, SMUT. it kind of is a thing for the basically the second half, descriptions of joel's body, tummy & thigh worship, oral (m receiving), cowboy rule (for a costume), unprotected piv, lowkey sub!joel for a lil bit, reader is "giving cunt" according to bestie el, then quickly gets back to dom!joel as he gets his confidence back, joel gets that strength in an adrenaline rush that moms get lifting cars off babies but his is for chasing a nut, also, dirty talk!

a/n: my contribution to spooky season, basically at the buzzer lol. this started with me thinking how cute it would be for joel to dress up and go trick-or-treating with his kids, and ended with wanting to s*** his d*** big time. anyways, enjoy my version of halloween with joel, and thank you to @kiwisbell for screaming about this scenario with me and as always a big thanks to my sweet, sweet girlfriend @northernbluess for beta-ing!!!!

Brought on much later than the northern states, fall in Texas is not quite an impactful sight. The one thing that can’t be beaten though is the Texas sun; shining across expansive horizons all times of year, temperatures of the light shifting with the seasons. Orange evening sun stretches across the sky and seeps down in between the leaves speckled with changing colors while Joel’s truck coasts down the neighborhood street. Kids retreat from running around in the road when his car approaches, returning right back to their gameplay when he’s through. Half are dressed up, a medley mix of witches, zombies, vampires, Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Disney Princesses, and countless outfits that he has no idea what they’re referencing.

Fibrous, white faux spiderwebs litter the front porches of the houses lining the street, Jack-O-Lanterns carved and lit up stack on the stairs or create a path along the front walkways. Some of the pumpkins’ faces are wrinkly and sagging, signs of overeagerness from when the fall season started earlier this month. A handful of scarecrows find themselves pitched in the middle of yards with hay spilling out of them, and some of the houses have turned out an expense to get those motion-sensor decorations — the ones really intended to scare the kids that will be unleashed on the neighborhood to trick-or-treat this evening.

Rolling to a stop as he turns into the asphalt driveway, throwing the truck in park, he sits in the cab for a still moment, staring at the signs of life scattered around his family’s house. Four pumpkins, gutted and showing off their faces, a family feud that reached a compromise when it was decided that yes, they would carve pumpkins but no, they would not sit to rot on the front porch all month long; the corn stalks wrapped around the posts of the porch, tied with burlap twine and arranged with sprigs of fall foliage; pots of colorful mums framing the path up to the house, carefully selected by your eye and less delicately planted in their terracotta vessels by Joel’s hands. 

Aside from the seasonal decorations, the usual markings of the Miller family were easily spotted: chalk drawings on the shared sidewalk in front of the yard and along the driveway, replaced every weekend by Sarah once the old was washed or worn away; Ellie’s bike discarded on the front lawn, small tire tracks digging up the grass, no matter how many times Joel and you have asked her to put it away when she’s done; the porch swing that Joel built for you, swaying in the breeze and now unoccupied — unusual for the evening routine around the time that Joel comes home from work. He’s normally greeted by his girls, not merely their artifacts. But tonight is a different night, much busier than the slow, molasses life Joel gets to enjoy in the colder weather.

Gathering his lunch bag from the bench seat and bunching up his jacket in the same hand, Joel climbs out of the car and walks into the open garage, leaving his tools behind in the flatbed to be dealt with tomorrow morning. Passing your parked car, he shakes his head with a subtle smile as he closes the driver’s side door of your SUV left open. He can picture you now, running around after picking the girls up from school, mental space occupied by getting everything and everyone together to make it out the door before the sun went down completely. 

There’s a trail of evidence to support his musings: a lonesome plastic bag filled with groceries left on top of the car, Sarah’s purple jacket looped through the handle of the garage fridge, probably left behind after she went looking for a juice, and Ellie’s army green backpack tossed on the ground in front of the shoe racks lining the wall next to the door. None of that would fly had you been your usual focused self — more often than not, you’re the parent to put their foot down and keep the girls in line while Joel is the total pushover.

Along his way inside, he picks up all the left-behind items, balancing everything in his hands while he steps into the mudroom. Ellie’s backpack gets shoved into her designated cubby, and Sarah’s jacket gets wrapped on a hook screwed into the wall as Joel kicks off his work boots. After depositing his own belongings in their spots, lunch bag in his cubby and jacket on the hook next to Sarah’s, he grabs his boots in one hand, leaning out the doorway to place them on top of the shoe rack. Closing the door behind him, he picks up the singular bag of groceries left on top of your SUV and pads across the tile further into the house. Immediately, he’s embraced by the warmth radiating from the kitchen, the smells of tomatoes, onions, garlic, and more wafting into his nose causing a smile to stretch across his face and his stomach to rumble. 

Every year that he’s known you, without fail, you use Halloween night as an excuse to cook up your family-favorite chili recipe. Sure, it doesn’t get too cold for October in Texas, but damn, does he look forward to the night every year simply for a bowl of it. Laboring over the prep and slow-cooking it all day long, anyone who tries it can taste the care in each bite; like a warm blanket wrapped around his shoulders that lasts with him for the entire evening spent outside with the kids.

The pleas of his stomach lead him straight into the kitchen, his smile growing wider when he sees you standing over the kitchen counter, affixing a sheriff badge to the cow print vest laid out in front of you. He strides over to your side, resting his palm on your lower back and swiping his thumb against the material of your shirt while he leans in to press a kiss to the top of your head, drinking in your scent and feeling the ache of missing you all day. Losing focus from your task, you turn toward him with a bright smile, a quiet sigh leaving your lips, and your shoulders relaxing from their tensed position. Wordlessly, he folds forward, catching your lips in a lingering kiss. Heat pushes against his chest through his denim shirt, your hands skating from his pecs, up and across his shoulders, and down his arms to rest on his biceps. The motions raise goosebumps in their wake, trailing down his spine with a tepid drip.

Joel steals another kiss before he stands up straight again, voice rasping from yelling over powerful tools all day and volume low to keep the semblance of a private moment between the two of you for as long as possible; anything louder would expose his arrival, bombarding him with questions and conflicts to resolve between his daughters.

“Hey, baby.” He greets you with one fleeting kiss pressed to your forehead, hand at your lower back now rubbing side to side, fingers carefully lifting the fabric and pressing the tips of them into your deliciously soft skin. 

Turning back to the vest, you drop your hands from his arms not before giving them a gentle squeeze, “Hi, Joel. Good day?”

He shrugs, unable to step away from you just yet, “It was fine — much better now. And I take it yours has been a busy one?”

Joel holds up the plastic bag of groceries with two fingers, one corner of his mouth lifting in a teasing smirk. His hip pops out as he leans against the counter, the smirk turning into a smile when you grimace. His heartbeat skips when your laugh fills his ears, the sound still exciting him after all these years, and you stand over the bag to take a peek inside.

“S’all good. Non-perishables.” It’s Joel’s turn to laugh, shaking his head with a breathy chuckle as he places the bag on the counter, unloading its contents into the pantry while you go about recapping your day for him.

In the midst of you speaking, the tumble of footsteps down the stairs draws his attention away, eyes focusing on the open threshold that leads from the living room into the kitchen. As the quickened steps grow closer, Joel turns to you and holds up three fingers, counting down with them. When he lowers his last finger, a mop of curly hair, a bouncing ponytail, and a whirlwind of chaos disrupts the initial peace of his return home.

“Hi girls, how was today?” he starts before a cacophony of noise fills the kitchen. Skidding to a stop in front of him, he exchanges a look with you before facing his daughters, already overwhelmed with their two voices talking over the other.

“Dad, Dad, Sarah said—”

“Dad, Ellie’s saying that I said—”

Holding his hands up, he flicks his eyes between his two girls. Sarah, the older of the two at eleven years old, stands in front of him with her arms crossed and brow furrowed — a look he is all too familiar with, the similarities between him and her emphasized with her annoyance. Ellie, your youngest, stands with her fists clenched at her sides, her mouth twisted up in frustration and the same furrowed brow as her sister. She looks so much more like you at the moment, only a nine-year-old version, calling back on times Joel can remember of you giving him that very look.

However, with their tempers, there’s no doubt that they’re his kids.

Dropping his hands back to his sides, he rolls his shoulders and takes a deep breath before addressing them.

“So, what’s going on now?” he asks, brows raising and head tilting when the girls each take a sharp inhale, about to speak over each other again, “One at a time. Ellie.”

Sarah rolls her eyes at her younger sister being called upon first, expectantly looking at her sister with annoyance still painting her face. Ellie shoots her a smug look before turning back to Joel, drawing a pout onto her lips to sell her story. He can’t say it doesn’t work for a second, it always will with these two and they know it, but with a quick glance in your direction, he sees you turned away from your task, watching the drama from the sidelines. Mustering the strength to stand his ground against the sweetness of his girls, he clears his throat and listens with his best poker face as Ellie begins explaining.

“Sarah said she wouldn’t trade all her Skittles for my Three Musketeers even though she knows I hate Three Musketeers and she said last week when we were getting our costumes that she would—”

“I never said that, Dad! She’s lying—” Sarah gestures with her hands as if to physically point out the obvious falsehoods in Ellie’s story. Spiraling back out of the fleeting control he had over the situation, the kids get riled up again, yelling over each other, and inching closer. The dad-instincts kick in and he grabs one of each of their shoulders, separating the two of them and turning them to face him again as he puts on what you affectionately call his ‘no-bullshit’ voice.

“Okay, okay, okay! Enough arguin’ about candy that you don’t even have yet. Ellie, you don’t even know if a single house is gonna give ya Three Musketeers, and you don’t even know if Sarah is gonna get any Skittles. Save the trade negotiations for tonight or tomorrow morning. ‘Sides, you gotta pay the Dad Tax before either of y’all get to trade around your pickings.”

“What?”

“No way!”

Joel smiles, waving his pointer finger between his daughters with a single nod of his head. “See? Something y’all can agree on. Now go get washed up for dinner and plot how you can hide your candy from me and Mom.”

As quickly as they came in, they rush right back out, this time a united force scheming against their parents. Joel huffs out a breathy laugh, shaking his head to himself as he turns back to face you. Met with a growing smile, you unravel your arms crossed in front of your chest to pick up the vest from the counter.

“Nice conflict resolution there, hon. Now I won’t see a single piece of candy.” You throw a pout at him, bottom lip jutting out as he steps over to you, one hand splaying on your hip and thumb rubbing languid circles.

“Don’t worry, baby, I think I know every single one of their hiding spots from how many times they had to move their candy last year. They won’t even notice anything's gone.” With a quick wink, he leans in for a kiss, short and sweet. Standing up straight, the smile on your face mirrors his, your left index finger reaching up to fit into the valley of his dimple.

“Are we bad parents to be scheming how to steal from our children?” you question, biting back a laugh.

“I think that’s just part of parenting, darlin’.”

The laugh you held back escapes you, rolling your eyes playfully at his facetious answer; the vest in your hands catches his eyes again, and he sighs to himself as he holds a hand out for it.

“So you really did find a cow print vest for me? How lucky.” Sarcasm coats his tone and you lift the material, depositing it in his open palm.

“It is lucky, isn’t it? I think you’re going to look great in your costume. Got all the perfect parts, plus you can wear your own jeans and boots. Economical.”

“You sure you need me for this group costume?”

“Joel. You’re literally one of the main characters from the damn movie. And the girls really want you to dress up and take them trick-or-treating. Plus it’s probably going to be one of, if not the last year that we get to do all this as a family. Our kids are growing up.”

“Don’t remind me, means m’getting older too,” he grumbles under his breath, eyes falling to the fabric in his hand.

It’s true what they say about having kids: the days are long, but the years are short.

At times, Joel wishes he could pull each hair out of his head instead of dealing with the shit his kids bring to him sometimes — “Dad, I got called into the principal’s office.” “Dad, I threw a softball and broke the window.” “That’s so unfair, Dad! Why do you have to be so mean?” It’s easy to get lost in the mess that is his family, but it’s a mess he loves. It feels like it was only yesterday that he was becoming a father when Sarah was born, getting a grasp on the whole thing and then Ellie came along. What he would do without you there by his side, he doesn’t have a clue.

Like flipping through a scrapbook, he can remember every year prior for his girls. In a flash, they’ve grown from dressing up as princesses and unicorns — a dragon for Ellie — to being Spy Kids and vampires. His oldest is verging on becoming a teenager, and if he knows his daughters, he knows that once Sarah quits dressing up each year, when she asks to go to her friends’ houses instead of spending the night with Mom and Dad, Ellie will want to do the same as her older sister, always looking up to her despite their differences.

There’s only so much more time for his kids to be kids, even if they may always feel like the tiny baby girls he held in his arms. All he wants to do is to protect them, keep them under his eye as long as he can, but he can hear your voice prying his grasp away from them, encouraging him to let them grow, let them experience the world as he got to do when he was younger. You’ll remind him that you were a teenage girl once, reassuring him that they’re always going to need him. He knows it’s all going to sneak up on him; one day, he’s going to pull into the driveway and notice the lack of chalk drawings. He might even be happy at first about Ellie’s bike being put away, but when he goes into the garage to work on some of his projects, he’ll notice the smallest bit of dust on it from disuse.

Stepping away from him to shuffle across the kitchen, you reach on your tiptoes to pull out four bowls from the cabinet. Joel steps over behind you, a hand on your back as he intercepts your movements, grabbing the ceramic dishes and handing them to you.

Like a shadow, he follows behind you as you walk over to the pot filled with dinner, eagerly watching over your shoulder with his chest pressed against your back and hands on your waist as you lift the lift. Aromas waft with the steam rising, the delectably rich dish slowly bubbling as it finishes melding altogether. It smells like home, always the mark of the changing of the seasons in the Miller household, and one of the little traditions that he so appreciates you creating for your family. Just like the way you make crinkle cookies and still sign presents from Santa at Christmas, despite the fact that your daughters found out about that a couple of years ago from a yappy kid at school.

Joel was very close to driving over to his house and letting his parents know how he felt about their kid murdering the magic of Christmas for his girls.

All he can hope is that these little traditions continue even when the girls are grown up; the four of you gathering around the table for your annual chili dinner before they head off to hang out with friends and you two are left to watch cheesy Halloween movies and hand out candy to children that remind you of your daughters.

With another deep breath, warmth surrounds him. Joel’s lips find the spot just under your ear, kissing gently before he rests his chin on your shoulder, “Smells so good, baby. Have I told you how much I love you?”

A breathy, incredulous laugh falls from your lips as you stir the pot’s contents around, your smile sticking around as you counter, “You’re only saying that ‘cause I’m feeding you.”

A dramatic, exaggerated gasp sharply inhales into his lungs, standing up straight and patting his hands on your sides, “Absolutely not, darlin’. I love you all the time—”

“But especially when I feed you,” you finish, turning out of his arms to grab the stack of bowls. He stops your motions by wrapping his arms around your waist, feeling the press of you against his torso and relishing in the heat of your body against his. Curling up like a cat in the sun, he nudges his nose against your hairline, peppering kisses along the contours of your face.

In between kisses, he says word by word, over and over, “I. Love. You. My. Beautiful. Wonderful. Incredible. Wife.”

“Alright, alright! Gosh, you’re clingy,” you tease, leaning back to look into his eyes with a playful glint in your eye and a smirk held tight in your lips, “I love you too, my beautiful, wonderful, incredible husband.”

Your free hand smooshes his cheeks together and tugs him down gently to exchange a tender kiss. It ends much too soon for Joel, him chasing your lips and pouting when you turn away to start serving up dinner.

“Better go tell the girls dinner’s ready before they’ve finished plotting how to stow away candy in the floorboards.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he answers, punctuating the conversation with a cheeky smack to your ass, scampering away quickly before you can pretend to scold him.

Tugging at the material across his stomach, Joel combs his eyes over his reflection in the mirror of your en-suite bathroom. Rolling his shoulders back, the fabric of the yellow and red plaid flannel pulled taut, lifting the hem a couple of inches and showing off the skin of his softened tummy. Dark curls of hair litter the center of the sliver of skin, trailing down under the waist of his dark wash jeans. He doesn’t bother tucking the shirt in, giving himself the breathing room of the few inches at the hem. Fingers grip the thick fabric, sharply pulling it back down to lay over his jeans again.

Picking up the cow-print vest you were adorned with the plastic gold Sheriff badge downstairs in the kitchen, he’s taken back to a few weeks ago at the Halloween store.

You and he had opted to spend Saturday morning taking Sarah and Ellie to pick out their costumes for the holiday, letting them run free until they decided on a shared costume for once. Sarah quickly picked out her size in the Jessie costume, and all of the family agreed to be different characters from the Toy Story movie.

Ellie wandered the aisles, searching for the perfect combinations to create her ideal costume, which was, of course, the mechanical spider toy with the baby doll head that the kid Sid builds in the film. She returns to where Joel is standing with you, staring at the walls of costumes to find something for the both of you; he looks down at his youngest, jumping minutely when he’s faced with a mutilated baby doll mask, shiny plastic reflecting him in the surface.

“Ellie. You can’t be the creepy baby doll,” he sighs, hand falling to his hip as he rests his weight on it, the other leg stepping out while he slowly shakes his head.

Tipping the mask up to the top of her head, Ellie stomps her feet, shoulders falling and head leaning back as she groans in complaint, “Why not, Dad?” She draws out his parental title, kicking the toe of her shoe against the buffed tiles of the storefront that remains empty eleven out of twelve months of the year.

“You’re gonna scare the little kids, and it’ll be your mom and I who are dealing with the angry parents.”

Ellie huffs out a breath, reaching up to snatch the mask off, turning on the heel of her sneaker, and stomping off to go find another costume. Turning his attention back to you at his side, he notices a cheeky smile on your face as you find your size in a woman’s Buzz Lightyear costume.

“What? What are you laughin’ at?” he questions, his lips tugging up in a grin.

“Oh, nothing. Jus’ that you told our daughter she can’t be the creepy baby doll 'cause you’d be the one scared of her.” A laugh takes over the end of your sentence, a flash of your bright smile widening his own.

“Did not. It’s ‘cause we’d have a bunch of crying little kids and judging parents to deal with.”

“Sure, honey, sure. It’s okay if you’re scared.”

Stepping closer to you, he pinches your side playfully, wrapping an arm around your waist to tug you against his side. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, speaking softly, “Know me too well, baby…”

Your free hand pats his chest affectionately and you unravel from his hold. Joel takes your hand before you get far, intertwining your fingers together while you both shuffle along the wall of costumes. The plastic bags shine, displaying cartoonish outfits of various characters. The exaggerated smiles of the models give him the heebie-jeebies, shuddering his shoulders at the thought that any grown person would be that excited to wear itchy polyester once before letting it collect dust in their closet and giving it away before next Halloween.

Halting in front of the costume you were looking for Joel, you bend down to flick through the sizes, your lips pulling together in a thoughtful pucker. Standing back up straight next to him, your teeth toy your bottom lip left to right, eyes scanning for any other options before you turn toward him.

“Can’t find what you’re lookin’ for, baby?”

With a shrug, you respond, “They have the costume the girls wanted you to wear, but they don’t have your size. Think I can find some stuff at the thrift store or TJ Maxx or online to make the costume up if that’s okay—”

“Whatever you need to do. S’fine.”

“I’m sorry, hon, but you don’t need to worry about it, I’ll find everything.”

“Said s’fine, darlin’. Don’t even need to dress up, really.” A small seed of shame is planted in his gut, insecurity watering it and causing it to grow, branching off to tangled in his chest. Comfort eases him out of the spiral when your hands find his chest, rubbing softly and tilting your head to meet his gaze with pure affection.

“Still gotta dress up with us, hon. Who’s gonna be the Woody to my Buzz if it isn’t you? Can’t dress up as one half of the best friend duo without my best friend,” you grin, standing on your toes to catch his lips in a gentle kiss, which ends too soon for his taste despite being in the middle of the shop.

Vest shrugged onto his shoulder, and he gives himself another once over in his full outfit, the same insecurity from a few weeks ago pouring down to cultivate his shame. He doesn’t look the same as he did when he met you, even the same as he did last year. Graying hair and salt and pepper beard, lines next to his eyes and across his forehead, only deepened when he furrows his brow at the look of him in his costume.

He looks ridiculous.

Better to get this night over with, let his girls enjoy themselves, and attempt to forget his discomfort in the outfit. Picking up his cheap cowboy hat that arrived in the mail earlier that week, he avoids another look in the mirror before he slips out of the bathroom, eyes focused on the toes of his boots while he walks out the door of your bedroom, past the full-length mirror next to your closet and the small round one on your vanity.

No need to foul his mood and spoil the fun. It’s for his girls. 

The screams and laughter of children echo into the deepening night sky, the street bright from the lamps lining it along with porch lights staying on, open garage doors, all signaling a welcoming to the trick-or-treaters to come and grab their haul from each vast bowl or cauldron of candy.

Blurs of costume cross below Joel’s sightline as he walks hand-in-hand with you, kids running around blindly, the safety of such a crowd in the small neighborhood blanketing them with trust that they’ll be able to find their way home wherever they end up. Sarah and Ellie are ten paces ahead, moving quickly and efficiently to “maximize their candy collection”. Ellie’s words, after she presented her hand-drawn map of their neighborhood and the one across the main road, highlighting which houses are notorious for King Size treats and noting which ones give out toothbrushes or nothing at all.

The collar of his flannel is tightened around his neck from the string of his chestnut cowboy hat. Pulled down to rest on his clavicle, the body of the hat swings against his back as he walks, only adorning the top of his head for a few photos that you insisted on dragging out the tripod and self-timer for in the middle of the living room. He took the rest of the photos you wanted, maybe a bit too eagerly getting out of the frame and relaxing the slightest bit behind the camera. Photo evidence of how laughable he looks does not need to exist en masse. With a sigh, he reaches a hand up to tug the string down for what feels like the tenth time in thirty minutes of walking, relief felt for a few seconds before it slides back up to the base of his throat, flipping up the collar of his shirt with it.

Denim from his dark wash bootcut jeans starts to dig into his hips, roughening the skin there from his strides and their inch-too-small size from the year prior. These were deemed his “nice” jeans, per your request, only pulled out a handful of times a year for occasions that he was meant to look nicer than his raggedy Levi’s, covered in spots from paint, wood stain, oil, or dirt, the fraying, white strings hanging from the hems and ripping when caught under his step — all the signs of his day-to-day life. What he’s comfortable in.

These — these are not comfortable, not worn in enough to feel buttery against his skin, and not returning to his size even after washing and line drying. These are stiff, formed to his skin and resisting a tightness with each swing of his legs. The fresh material rubs against his bare skin underneath, the waist of his boxers falling an inch or two down to create the perfect space for the waistband to chafe. He’s tempted to pause the two of you walking along, long enough to tuck in the material of the flannel, but quickly decides against it when he thinks about the exaggeration of his stomach with the form-fitting, tucked shirt stretched over it.

Occupied in his thoughts, he barely notices that you've slowed down until you come to a stop at the end of a driveway, two streets over from your own home, waiting as your daughters wait in line for their packaged sugar. 

You hold onto his bicep with your opposite hand, leaning your weight against his side. Like a weighted blanket, in the interim of a hug from you, he takes on the change to his equilibrium, relishing in the comforting press of your body against him. Easing away his anxieties and his insecurities that, of course, had to be present for this wholesome, once-a-year family night; he rests his chin on your head, breathing in the smell of your rosemary and mint shampoo, tingling his nostrils and drinking down the scent he’s so familiar with.

His focus draws to Sarah, hair in a French braid pulled away from her face and cherry red cowboy hat on her head, and Ellie, lime green face paint that she insisted on and an antenna sticking up from the top of her head and exaggerated, pointed green ears all attached to the same headband. The two of them are near the front of the queue for candy at this particular house, the process a bit more involved with a haunted graveyard required to pass through to earn your sweet reward. 

All she’d been saying the whole night since getting dressed had been “The claaaaaw!” or “I have been chosen!”. She screams the latter in the face of a teenager who pops out from a bush to scare her, completely unphased as she sneaks past him, grabbing a handful of candy for her and Sarah, running back down the path with her older sister before they pause to distribute the goods.

Joel lifts your joined hands, hooking his arm over your shoulder and laying your arm across your chest as he gathers you closer.

“So how many cavities do you think we’ll be paying for ‘cause of tonight’s candy haul?” he wonders aloud, a smile ticking up the side of his mouth when you giggle at his joke. It never gets old, being able to make you laugh, and it’s like a weed whacker to the strangling vines of his insecurities growing tightly in his chest. A looseness that gives him the chance for a deep breath, gratitude wilting the branches as he studies the grin on your face, the admiration twinkling in your eyes.

“Probably should be callin’ the dentist to see if they have a two-for-one discount.” It’s his turn to laugh at your response, tautening his arm around your shoulders to tow you closer to him, your head tilting back as you swing your front toward him. Joel bends his neck, pecking your lips with a smile before he looks back toward his daughters walking back to the two of you.

Annoyance thumbs the bruise of shame, driving his frustrations higher; his hand reaches up again with a huff, yanking the string away from his neck, “Thing’s like a damn noose…”

“Jus’ take it off, hon, I’ll carry it for you,” you sweetly suggest, swinging your joined hands between your bodies.

“But, you got it for me…” he mumbles guiltily, a worry in his voice over your potential irritation with him. Ever the masochist, Joel argues with you, not wanting to disappoint. He knew he should have just kept his mouth shut—

Pausing in your steps, you hang behind him long enough to snatch the hat off his back, releasing it from around his neck and depositing it on your head in one smooth movement. Taking his hand again, you continue, unphased by his complaints and happy to hold onto the new accessory.

At the next house, the two of you wait at the end of the driveway for the girls; Joel taps the side of his pointer finger on the brim as you look up at him, a cheeky smile growing on his face as a thought distracts from his festering doubts. His voice lowers, rasping as he speaks only to you, attempting to disguise the conversation from all the people milling about.

“Y’know, there are consequences for stealing a cowboy’s hat, baby.” Wetting his lips with the quick swipe of his tongue, his hands drift to your waist, fingers stretching to skim the top of your ass, dangerously close to grabbing a handful in front of everyone.

“M’well aware of those consequences, cowboy. Why d’you think I took it?” You shoot him a wink that goes straight down below the belt, a brazen flash of mischief in your eyes, the reflections of yellow lamplight lighting them up further. 

Gripping his biceps, your nimble fingers squeeze gently while your thumbs rub massaging circles into his slightly flexed muscles. A nearly inaudible hum of a moan rolls from your chest, one of his hands gathering the polyester material of your dress tightly at the sound. Beckoning him to fold forward with one look, he molds his lips to yours in a supple kiss. It lasts only the length of an inhale, drinking in the taste of your lips before your warmth is fleeting, hands patting his chest in a signal to wrap it up.

He grumbles, irritation heating under his collar as he itches to get home and for the night to be over, now for more than one reason. You laugh softly at his annoyed pout, poking his chest as you tease, “What? Mad ‘cause you got a snake in your boot?”

“More like in my jeans…” he mumbles under his breath, loud enough for you to hear and playfully jab his arm, shaking your head as you breathe out a chuckle from your nose.

“Nice, Miller. In a costume for a kid’s movie no less.”

He matches your laugh, shrugging when you turn in his arms, back to him as you await your daughters to make their way back to the both of you. His arms drape around your hips, tugging you into his chest to press against him comfortably, the plush-filled wings of your costume padding you against his torso. Lips find your ear, chin resting on your shoulder as he responds, “What’s the saying from the movie? To infinity and beyond? Reckon that’s where I’ll be takin’ you by the end of tonight.”

“Joel!” you attempted to chide, your laughter exposing your real feelings over the suggestive comment, laying your arms over his. The girls walk toward the two of you, and he takes a second to press an open-mouth kiss to your neck, nipping at your skin before unfurling himself from you. A light smack on the side of your ass is the punctuation to the teasing, Joel standing up straight and taking your hand.

“Giddy-up, partner,” he murmurs before turning his attention to Sarah and Ellie, overly excited and completely calm. “Whatcha y’all get this time? Anything good?”

They answer over each other and he nods along, corralling them to start to walk to the next house, “Alright, mission accomplished at this house. Onto the next, we gotta get this wagon a-movin’! Only got another hour in me, girls.”

Protests whine against his announcement and your daughters start to walk faster, determined to complete their hit-list for the houses with the good stuff. You laugh to yourself, shaking your head as Joel looks over at you, feigning innocence.

“What? Got a bad back, bein’ out in the cold makes it worse.”

Now back at home, the four of you are gathered in the living room, costumes all on still as you seek out the comfort and warmth of the soft furnishings and blankets. Joel lounges on the couch, you next to him, back leaning against his side while your legs stretch out on the rest of the sofa. Ellie and Sarah have taken to the floor in front of the coffee table, massive pillowcases dumped out and beginning to be sorted. Every so often, you or Joel get up with the sound of the doorbell, passing out candy to the dwindling number of trick-or-treaters. Eventually, the intrusion stops completely, the TV playing a bad, kitschy Halloween movie per the request of the girls.

They trade their earnings, and you and Joel steal on the sly, both from the bowl you were handing out and from Sarah and Ellie’s piles. Wrappers are strewn around the floor and across the surface of the coffee table, the sound of another torn open by the girls making you sigh and sit up.

Holding out your hand, you shake your head, beckoning for the treat with your fingers, “Okay, Ellie. No more candy. You’re not going to be able to go to sleep if you keep eating it now, it’s too late.”

Ellie whines, rolling her head back with a groan before pleading her case, “Please, Mom, just this last one! And then I’ll be done, promise. Please.”

Joel chuckles when she shoots you the same puppy dog eyes that he gives to you to get what he wants, knowing his smirk grows wider when you fold easily. Shooting your head over to him, you announce to the whole room, “No more candy for anyone. C’mon girls, put it all back in your bags.” 

Calmness finds itself back in the room once all the complaints are lodged with you, the girls lying down to watch the movie while you continue to sit with Joel. Spaced out as he focuses on the film, his attention is grabbed when he hears the crinkle of wrappers and glances around to find all three of his girls indulging further.

With the remote from his lap, he pauses the movie, pouting as he exclaims, “Hey! What happened to not havin’ any more candy? If I can’t have anymore, y’all can’t either.”

Sneaking the last bite of her fun-size Snickers bar, Ellie giggles and shrugs, always the smart aleck, “Well, you are gettin’ a little pudgy, Dad, maybe less candy’ll help.”

Sarah and you giggle at her lighthearted teasing, and Joel waves it off with a breathy chuckle, leaning back against the cushions as Sarah chimes in with her jests, “Yeah, think you’re getting a little fluffy, Dad. Better to lay off now than at Christmastime with all Mom’s cookies.”

Joel attempts to defend himself from the teasing by threatening their candy supply, eager to end the conversation as the back of his neck heats up, “If m’already gettin’ pudgy then I guess that permits me to eat all your candy.”

They both are in a fit of giggles, continuing to tack on silly comments as Joel sits quietly on the couch, trying to mask the way the words worm their way in, feeding the shame and insecurity that was already festering in his chest from the last few weeks.

You roll your eyes, shaking your head with a smile as you laugh softly, “Alright, alright, enough. Think that’s the sign that it’s time for bed. C’mon, up up up.” Before standing, you pat Joel’s thigh and shoot him a carefully concerned look, but he wipes away your worry by sending you a warm smile back, laying his hand over yours and squeezing gently. 

Joel stays downstairs to clean up, the girls both saying goodnight before you follow them upstairs to get them ready for bed. Gathering candy wrappers in his fists, he throws them away in the kitchen, stomach rolling as he replays the small comments from minutes ago. He knows it was teasing, all in good fun as it always is between his girls and you, but he can’t shake the heaviness inside of him, the hot prickles of shame when he passes by the mirror in the hallway on his way back to the living room.

The bowl of extra candy you were handing out gets placed back on the coffee table, his silly cowboy hat from the evening deposited on top of it to hide the contents. Not that he was going to eat anymore, he couldn’t stomach even the thought of anything else when all he could think about was how much he desperately wanted to shed his skin at that moment. Breathing shallows when he settles on the couch again, one of his hands pressing onto the left side of his chest and willing his heart to slow down, for his brain to silence itself.

The skin of his palm meets the scruff of his beard, scratching against the roughened, worked skin. Grays in his hair, salt and pepper beard, wrinkles on his forehead and at the side of his eyes, softened tummy from years of love and care, from an easy life with you.

He certainly isn’t the same Joel that you met all that time ago, that you fell in love with. Have you noticed the changes as much as he has?

He swears you haven’t aged a day; all the more beautiful with each passing day.

Light steps carry you back downstairs, the sound shaking Joel out of his thoughts as you swing around from the staircase and through the entrance to the living room. Joel relaxes on the couch, the same spot he was occupying before, only sinking further into the cushion, shifting to pull the fabric of his shirt away from his stomach. Glancing up at you, away from whatever was playing on the TV that did nothing to distract him from himself, he sends you a tight smile, stretching an arm over the back of the couch to welcome you in.

Accepting it, you sit next to him, curling up into his side with your legs under you, leaning against his frame with your comforting weight. Your hand rests on his chest, your head on his shoulder while you both watch the TV movie playing. Silence falls between the two of you, minutes passing by with only the noise from the speakers, the volume turned low so as not to disturb the kids upstairs.

Joel feels your hand move against his chest, curling up to leave your pointer finger extended, the pad of it skimming against his flannel. He ignores the feeling, figuring it’s you fidgeting as you do while you focus. The same thing as twirling your hair while you’re reading, tapping your foot as you cook.

But when your hand stairs to wander, his eyes flick down to watch its path, your gaze still facing forward and quiet. With your thumb and index finger, you work open the first button on his shirt, trailing down with the rest undone in your route. Slipping under the material, your cold hand presses against his chest, nails scraping against the skin there. With a sigh at the contact, Joel finally uses his hand to gently caress your chin, turning you to face him.

Low and rasping, he questions, “What are you doin’ exactly, darlin’?”

Innocently, you shrug, bottom lip bit down on while your touch moves lower again, skimming across his stomach and reaching the waistband of his jeans, “Well, I still have to face the consequences from stealin’ your hat, cowboy.”

Fingers dip below his belt line, toying with the elastic band of his boxers. Slipping away, he almost protests at the loss, biting his tongue when you move next to him, sitting up on your knees while both hands reach for the button and zipper of his jeans. When his button pops from its secure place, he warns with a breathy exhale, “Baby…”

“Mhm, yes, honey?” you reply, words trailing up at the end, feigning naivety. Through your lashes, you send him a pout, tongue poking out to dampen your plush lips that he stares at, his mouth parted with heavy breaths. His blood is rushing from his head, leaving him feeling light, as it all pumps to his cock, your delicate and teasing touches getting him half-hard.

Before you can tug down his zipper, you pause, taking your hands off of him; he holds back a whimper, the sound dying as a low hum in his throat.

“Don’t worry, baby, m’not done yet. Let’s go to our room, yeah?” Your voice is soothingly saccharine, an eager nod being his only response. 

Shutting off the TV, you stand from the sofa and take his hand, snatching the cowboy hat from the coffee table before pulling him to stand and follow you across the main floor, down the hallway into your first-floor bedroom. Joel shuts the door behind him, your nod toward the handle serving as a reminder for him to flick the lock.

 “Y’know, honey, you’re always showing me how you feel about me. I think it’s time we had a night that’s all about you…” He’s holding in a breath as you stalk closer to him, shaking his head as the back of his neck heats up.

“No, baby, you don’t—I don’t…” he stutters before trailing off, ashamed that he can’t think of any other excuse than the truth of why he does not want the attention on him tonight.

“You don’t…?” Running your hands across the expanse of his chest, he drops his shoulders in, curling around to make himself smaller, one foot stepping back but he doesn’t move from under your touch.

Shaking his head, he avoids your eyes, faintly confiding, “I don’t feel like I deserve it. I jus’, I’d rather give to you, baby.”

“Oh, Joel…you deserve it and more, honey. Why wouldn’t you?” Your fingers graze up, skating across his skin and carding into the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I’m not…not the same. I don’t look like who you fell in love with. Everything’s changing, catching up to me. Got gray hair and white in my beard and wrinkles and a beer belly startin’ and my back hurts all the time. M’not who I used to be but you—”

“Have changed, too. It’s not just you, Joel. Everything’s a little softer now, I’ve got wrinkles too. Found like four gray hairs yesterday and had a mild panic attack before I got into the shower. M’curvier and—”

“And you’re fucking beautiful, baby. You’re as beautiful, if not more beautiful than the day I met you.” He’s quick to defend your negative self-talk, his hands running delicately along the curves of your sides and around your lower back. Enveloping you in his arms, he presses your foreheads together, nose notched next to yours.

“That’s exactly how I feel about you, Joel. Don’t listen to us teasin’ you, especially me, ‘cause I wouldn’t change a thing about you…” As you tilt your head back, your nose grazes against his cheek, feeling a rush of heat from your breath as your lips hover over his, deliciously close to a kiss, “Can I show you what I think about you, honey?”

Joel nods, wordlessly waiting in anticipation; in the next breath, your lips crash into his, drinking him down deep while the hand at the back of his head tangles further into his hair and tugs. He moans, parted lips allowing you to lick into his mouth, whining at the taste of him before you push the flannel material from his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor as you continue to dominate the kiss.

Pressing your hands against his strong chest, you push him back with a step. Joel follows your lead, carefully moving backward, your tongue melding with his. All he can focus on is the taste of you — sweet, fruity, with the tang of citric acid from all the sour candies you stole from the bowl, the softest hint of chocolate as an aftertaste from his indulgences. The flavors of you coat his mouth, the scent of your perfume and shampoo mixing in his nose, and the feeling of your soft skin in his rough palms when he hikes up the skirt of your dress, grabbing a handful of your ass; it all stirs together, creating an intoxicating cocktail of you that he can seem to taste enough of. Joel’s legs hit the edge of the bed, and he’s being pulled away from your mouth with a pop when you ease him to sit down. Curiosity flashes in his mind, the sight of you over him with kiss-swollen lips growing the bulge in his undone jeans. Eager hands find your hips, grazing over to your ass as he looks up at you standing over him.

“Whatcha wanna do, beautiful?” His voice is lecherous as it comes out in a rasp, dripping with desire and a bit of wonder over what exactly you’re going to do with your night in control.

You shake your head at him, standing up straight and reaching for his hands, placing them at the hem of your dress, “Go ahead, baby. Take off as much as you want.”

His choice is obvious, tugging the fabric over your head with your help, a hand around your back yanking you to stand close, between his spread legs, while his fingers work open the clasp of your bra. Sitting back on his hands, he observes greedily as you let the straps fall down your arms, dropping the bra entirely onto the floor.

“These too?” Your thumbs hook into the waistline of your panties, doe-eyed and biting down on your body lip teasingly. Cotton-mouthed, Joel nods slowly, lips parted with shaking breath as you strip completely, sinking to your knees in front of him before he can reach out for a handful of your curves.

He lets you work his jeans down to his thighs, his boxers following in their wake, his cock springing free against his bare stomach. You keep eye contact as you kneel in front of him, his keen stare unblinking as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips, the need to see every single one of your movements outweighing the drying of his eyes with his slow, infrequent blinking. Scooting to settle comfortably on your knees, you stand up straighter, gaining enough height to bend your head over his lap, lips meeting his soft tummy and hands gripping onto his thighs. Delicate kisses and ghosting touches on his skin raise goosebumps, a warm shudder trickling down his back at your tenderness.

“So handsome…” you whisper, grazing your teeth into the flesh of his torso, biting down to nip. “Y’know I think about doin’ this all the time, baby. Every time you take off your shirt, jus’ wanna sink my teeth into you.”

His cheeks heat with sincere attention, muscles in his abdomen flexing when you litter lovebites and heated, open-mouth kisses all over him, the gentle touches and desire to relax his anxieties slowly. The focus on your mouth drops to his thighs, turning your head to the side when you sit back on your haunches, licking a stripe up toward his aching cock, a quivering exhale from his mouth drawing your eyes to his face. A satisfied smile stretches across your face, kissing his inner thigh before mirroring the actions on the opposite side. His fingers curl into the duvet, gripping hard as your lips wander closer to where his stiff cock drips needily, throbbing for any kind of reprieve.

“You’re so pretty, baby. So strong, solid.” The sweet nothings tickle at the back of his neck, words that he’s sure you’ve spoken before, but at this moment, they raise his body temperature and lighten his head, the only thoughts being how much he needs you.

Standing on your knees again, you bend your neck over Joel’s lap, eyes flickering up to his face to look at him through your lashes. Your lips part, spit dribbling from your mouth and onto his waiting cock, the sensation making him hiss with urgency. One of your hands wraps around him and strokes slowly. He looks down at you with hooded eyes, mouth opening in a small gasp at the languid stimulation. One swipe of your thumb across his tip drags the beads of pre-cum from where they’re leaking, melting them into the mix of your saliva that lubricates your motions.

Searing needles pierce into his skin when you finally give in and press hot, open-mouthed kisses against the soft skin of his swollen length. Your thumb brushes against his tip again, another hiss of pleasure escaping from between his teeth. One of Joel’s hands finds the back of your head, tangling fingers into your hair. He doesn’t move to guide you, simply wanting to touch a part of you to ground himself.

Your free hand gently cups his balls as you press a featherlight kiss to the tip of his hard cock. A kitten-lick swipes up the fresh dribbles of pre-cum that have collected and Joel’s fingers tense against your strands. Humming satisfied with the reactions you’re drawing from him, he looks down at you meeting his gaze, feeling the splotches of redness growing across his cheeks and neck at the frustration of your light teasing. He groans out your name as your mouth works to tease him more, not having taken him fully in.

“Fucking hell, baby, quit teasin’, please.” Joel rasps as he watches your methodical seduction. He applies the smallest pressure against the back of your head when your lips finally wrap around just the tip of him, a moan of relief rolling from his chest.

Your eyes stay glued on his face, and he’s lost in the delicious warmth of your mouth, unabashed in every response that he’s having to your mouth working him. Starting a slow bob up and down, he moans at the weight of him on your tongue, saliva coating the underside of his cock as he feels you curl the muscle against every vein. With half of him with your mouth, your hand working what isn’t initially fitting inside. His noises grow louder and in quicker succession, hyperaware that his cheeks are likely visibly warm and eyes dark with a craving when he looks down at you again.

“Such a sweet girl. Look so pretty with my cock in your little mouth. Think you can take more, baby? Think I can fit in your throat?” You shift in your position slightly, thighs rubbing together and a chuckle rolls from his lips, smug in the need he’s drawing from you simply from enjoying his pleasure. A sigh exhales around him in your mouth as your thighs rub together to relieve some of your aches.

The rhythm of your head brings his cock deeper, his tip brushing the back of your throat. You swallow around him and it squeezes him just right, a loud moan rumbling from his chest, the reverberations sending aftershocks to the tips of his ears. At that point, he gets lost in the high feeling, his composure leaving him when his large hand at the back of your head pushes you down onto his cock, taking him down your throat further and causing you to gag. Tears spill from your eyes and spit drips from the sides of your mouth, the blow job quickly turning sloppy as Joel takes more control.

“Fucking hell, darlin’. Taking me so well on your own, being such a good girl for me,” he whines, heading tilting back as his eyes squeeze shut, shallow thrusts meeting the rhythm of your head. “Gonna fuckin’ come, baby, holy fuck, I—”

A moan around him gurgles to nothing when he thrusts again, hand tangled in your hair pulling you back until his tip rests against your lips, “Don’t wanna—please—” His words are lost on the tip of his tongue, pleasure hazing his mind as he searches for the plea he wants to make with you.

You giggle from your knees, swiping your fingers to wipe away the drool from the corners of your mouth, a satisfied smirk on your face. Bracing yourself on his thighs, you push yourself up, standing in between his legs while your hands find his shoulders, scraping your fingernails against the curve of them.

“You wanna come inside of me? Not my mouth? Is that what you were trying to say, baby?”

“Yes,” he exhales, relieved to find the word he needed, blinking open his eyes to look up at you. Your thumb skates across his bottom lip, holding onto his jaw as you study his features.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, Joel. Anything for my perfect, doting husband. D’you know how fucking good it makes me feel to make you feel good?” you question curiously, tilting his head as he lets you mold him whichever way you want. “Tell me how you deserve to have me like this. ‘Cause you’re so fucking good to me, tell me that you’re gonna let me fuck you, let me take your come inside of me.”

“Baby, I don’t think that—” he starts, palms pressing into the backs of your thighs as he looks up at you.

“Tell me, Joel. You said you wanted to be the one giving to me tonight. That’s what I want.” You use his earlier, shy request against his negative thoughts, and the intensity in your eyes bends him to your will.

“M’gonna let you have my cock, gonna let you fuck me and show me how much you love when I take care of you.” The words roll foreignly on his tongue, unconvincing coming from his mind to his mouth. You bend a knee, bringing it up to rest next to his thigh, nodding along to encourage him to continue, “I give you whatever I can give to you, and always gonna, baby. Now’s your turn to take care of me, right?”

“That’s right, honey. I should show you how much I appreciate you more often…you work so hard, give us exactly what we need, and provide for us. My big, strong man. You do so much for me, baby. Gonna show you how thankful I am for you, how grateful I am that you’re lettin’ me have this cock,” your words breathe hot against his ear, your other leg now straddling him on the bed, cunt hovering over his waiting cock. A hand leaves his shoulders, reaching between your stomachs to wrap around him, guiding him to your entrance. His breath catches in his throat when you ease down onto him, pushing through the wet seal of your slit.

Wet heat envelopes him, taking in a few inches of him; Joel groans under you, head falling forward onto your breasts, forehead pressed into your sticky skin. One hand tangles into his curls, dragging his head back to look into your eyes. Your hips start to move, adjusted to his size easily and taking more of his cock, letting it split you open inch-by-inch. His eyes wildly search yours, seeing the pleasure overtake your mind, lips parting to match his as you both breathe out shallow, hot breaths.

“Fuck, Joel, so fucking big…” you whine for the first time tonight and the sound goes straight to his cock, twitching him inside of you as his hips jerk up, giving you another inch. Lust clouds his mind, nodding confidently as you take him, desperate to feel your tight, dripping cunt around him entirely.

“I know, baby, I know. Should’ve let me get you ready. But I bet you like the stretch, like a lil’ bit of pain, huh?” he coos, arm snaking around you to hold you closer, your eyes fluttering closed above him as you nod languidly.

“Fuckin’ love it, makes it feel even better,” you whimper when his arm tugs you down further, only an inch or two away from him being fully sheathed.

“C’mon, be my good girl, baby. Show me how you sit on my cock.” He leans forward, bending you backward with his force and holding you tight, his lips attaching to the soft, velvety skin of your breasts and biting, “Gotta face your punishment for stealin’ my hat. Take a cowboy’s hat, gotta ride the cowboy, babygirl. I don’t make the rules.”

You giggle, eyes clearing as you’re pulled out of your cloud of pleasure, gripping onto his shoulders and holding eye contact as you finally sink completely down, burying Joel’s cock inside your soaked pussy. Moans echo in the room, bitten down before they get too loud, your hips immediately finding a quick, sloppy pace to chase your highs. The slick glide of your walls grip his cock lusciously, your flooding arousal coating his balls as thighs as you ride him. Little noises slip from your mouth, simmering the coals burning in the base of his gut as he feels the familiar bliss building.

“Is this what I’m supposed to be doin’, cowboy?” you wonder, hips continuing their pace and mouth twisting as you hide a smile. Joel is unashamed, a wide grin on his face as he unravels one arm from you, picking up the hat from the corner post of the bed, and setting it loosely on top of your head. Giggles erupt from the both of you, your pace faltering as the muscles in his stomach cramp from use. 

Recovering from the interlude, your thighs rub against the outside of his as you bounce, nails digging into his shoulders as your rhythm picks back up, the slap of skin against skin the only noise save for your airy breaths that get shallower and shallower. Flames have ignited in his gut, licking inside and burning hotter and hotter the closer he gets. Nearly at the edge, he needs more, body taking over and lifting you with him as he stands, holding you up on his cock as he thrusts hard and quick into you, dripping for him and gripping him tight to keep yourself up while he fucks into you.

“Oh—fuck, Joel! Right there, m’gonna—oh!” Your desperate pleas in his ear pitch up as you moan, cunt tightening with a flutter around him as you come, soaking his dick as he continues his hard pace, selfishly chasing his high. 

A growl rolls from his chest when you come, his fingernails biting into the flesh of your ass, the slap of his balls against your skin as they draw up. His eyes squeeze shut as he moans your name, the first rope of his come released into your cunt, smaller whimpers following in its wake as he fucks one, twice more, filling you up as deep as he can.

Limbs feeling heavy, he turns you both around, pulling you off of him and dropping you gently onto the mattress. He flops down next to you onto his stomach, blissfully out of it as you move to straddle his back, fingers working the knots and soothing the aches growing there after a long week of work, and a night spent corralling your kids.

The warm press of your body against his back makes him hum contently, your breasts at his shoulder blades as you lay on him, one of his hands reaching the rub his fingers softly against the outside of your thigh.

“You know I think you’re the most handsome, right, honey?” you ask with a hint of worry in your voice, barely above a whisper. He nods, rolling over to his back underneath you and meeting your eyes, brow furrowed with concern.

“I know, baby. Jus’ was feeling weird this whole week. You made it a lot better, though.” A knuckle nudges your cheek, and you take the hat off, Joel chuckling again as you throw it off to the side of the bed. Laying down on him again, he strokes your hair while you hug yourself to his torso, both your eyes and his fluttering shut with exhaustion, from tonight and life in general.

Before drifting off, Joel speaks up, cheekily asking, “So…can I wear this costume next year, too?”

taglist: @atinylittlepain @swiftispunk @joelsversion @mrsquill @ilovepedro @lovers-liability @deathwife @undrthelights @atticrissfinch @casa-boiardi @wannab-urs @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @fishingforpike @msjarvis @walkintotheriveranddisappear @sugadolly @yazsos @peppesgirl @pastawench @addictedtotlou @brittmb115 @anoverwhelmingdin @spishsstuff @wolfbook87 @mswarriorbabe80 @harriedandharassed @decemberdolly @laiisleitte @fierce-bab @vickie5446 @pertinentpostmortem @livingdeadmaria @sullyosully @bitchwitch1981 @its-nebuleuse @marini03 @piercethevic03 @joeandpedrosimp @planet-marz1 @txtattoostark @jrosie25 @tbniarq @vee-bees-blog @thereaperisabitch @spidermanfrog @belliezz @joelsflannel @cartoon-garbage04 @bianqueee04 @nostalxgic @xyzstar @cumberpegg @b00klvrs @burningnerdchild

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my kofi

[old-school-butch]

It's honestly sickening how easily you justify the murder of civilians. The loss of life on 10/7 was a tragedy, but how many more lives have been lost by Israel murdering civilians? What do you stand for? If you can rightfully be enraged by the loss of life on 10/7 and condemn Hamas for it, why can you not condemn Israel for this? What does Israel stand for if they can be outraged by the loss of life of their civilians but see tens of thousands of more deaths as nothing? What do you stand for? Because it's not that the loss of human life is a tragedy if you can condemn Hamas but not Israel. Why are the lives of Palestinians so worthless to you? What do you stand for? If one group kills less than 2,000, and the other kills tens of thousands, what do you stand for?

Peace, in the very TLDR version, I stand for peace. We clearly have different views about how to achieve that, but maybe its good for you to consider that people who disagree with you are as human as you are.

Where do I begin?

As bizarre as it seems, war is a human means of communication. Policy by other means, as the saying goes, where conflicts move from ideas and words to deeds, where emphasis is added with explosions, where commitments are made with life and limb and we argue through this kinetic medium until we reach some compromise, or at least a one-sided silence.

This almost sounds reasonable, until you consider that the ideal outcome of war, from any individual point of view, is to risk as little as possible and force your opponent to sacrifice as much as possible. The inevitable discrepancies in power mean that the poor, the weak, the dependent, ill, elderly, women and children inevitably make up much of those sacrifices. Men, with broad freedoms to loot, rape and kill among 'the enemy', will tell themselves that the ordinary rules of society don't matter here and feed their darkest desires to punctuate their own moments of fear and terror.

So, while I view conflict as inevitable between people and societies, I am opposed to war. I stand for peace. I would like to see peace in the Levant.

I support:

the self-determination of the Palestinian and Israeli peoples.

the recognition and declaration of an independent Palestinian state, or perhaps 2 states since they are not contiguous.

Israel's removal of its settlements from the occupied territories of the West Bank

the end of UNWRA and all claims of 'right of return'

normalization of relations between Gaza, Egypt and Israel and the West Bank and its neighbors.

That's a baseline. In more ideal terms I want to see:

free and fair elections for all people in every nation.

a Human Rights code established in all Levant states

lifting people out of poverty by finally focusing on economic development instead of decades of dependence on foreign aid

puppies and rainbows while I'm at it

Hamas started this particular war on October 7th, their 3rd try since Israel ended their occupation of Gaza in 2005 and Hamas defeated the PLA on its bloody path to power. Hamas' actions were a series of territorial incursions and war crimes targeting civilians and taking hostages. That sent a pointed message to Israel - we will kill your people wherever we find you, we will destroy you and we have no regard for the conventions of war.

That's not a one-time communique though. Hostages are still being held and Hamas' cruelty and indifference to life has turned to its own people - there are no air raid sirens, no shelters, no civilian-only zones where Hamas fighters separate themselves from civilians, Hamas fighters wear no uniforms to identify who's a combatant so civilians are safer. Multiple countries are sending humanitarian aid and Hamas not only fails to distribute it but instead captures it and sells it to fund their war, so the poorest and most vulnerable people are left to starve. That also sends a message I think too many in the West ignore - Palestinian life has no value to Hamas.

A nationalist Arab movement emerged in the Palestine region in the 1920s, just as Zionism swelled among Jews in the same era. It was the end of the 500 year old Ottoman empire and as it collapsed, new opportunities emerged. However, older ideas also surged including the desire to rebuild the Caliphate.

This was the vast settler-colonial Empire built from the start of Islam, under the prophet/warrior king Muhammad, until it peaked here. The caliphs is like a king, the Supreme court and the Pope all rolled into one - his right to rule came directly from Allah and his Prophet, and was head of both state and church where regional or secular laws were abolished and obedience to Allah, Muhammad as his prophet, and the Caliph as his heir was absolute. Differing claims about legitimacy led to splintering into multiple factions, which were then vulnerable to the Mongol, Byzantine and eventually the Ottoman Empires that would itself claim the title of caliph to shore up its own legitimacy.

Islamists are radical Muslims who have fundamentally colonial aspirations, first in this region and ultimately across the globe. Most of the conflict in the MENA area result from factions within this broader movement - Shia versus Sunni, Persian versus Arab, the Kurds Khorason and Wahhabists are all competing dynasties and sects who vie for control.

To Islamists who are inspired by this history and wants to recreate its colonial glory before moving on to conquer the world, it's clear that you can't have a Jewish state right smack in the middle of your beautiful Empire. They are super pissed that European colonial powers ruined their own Arabian colonial plans, so they've adapted their arguments. Those forces have found it convenient to continue the 'Palestinian cause' as a stepping stone to wiping out Israel and establishing an Islamic state by framing it as a struggle of national self-determination. Thus, it can appeal to the West and the U.N. as a nationalist struggle while continuing to pursue imperialist goals. The PLO was violent and somewhat deluded, but I at least believed that Arafat actually thought he would lead an actual Palestinian state and I supported their goal to remove Israel from the occupied territories.

Hamas' goals in the conflict are shared with all Islamist factions. Yes, even when Islamists are fighting each other, they are still all trying to establish the caliphate, they only disagree on who should be in charge of it. This ideology is already at war with the West but the West is blissfully ignorant of this colonizing and intensely violent movement, because Islamist energies are currently consumed with attacking each other, competing for followers, and punishing Muslim populations who are insufficiently enthusiastic about their rise to power.

Currently, radical Islamist regimes have already seized power in enough of the middle east that conflict is limited to proxy wars and destroying Israel (unless you're in Syria where 5 different proxies are in a multi-sided conflict) and the most intense insurgent fighting is now happening across Africa in a dozen different countries.

Strangely, the West barely acknowledges, much less compiles, this new threat of Empire. This wikipedia entry looks long, but it's only documenting the wars of the IS. That's just one group. Overall, Islamists are involved in the overwhelming majority of current conflicts, coups and insurgencies, and the West - with its ideals on nationalism, religious freedom, democracy and its own more material interests, doesn't have a good handle on what to do. I don't want to see a return to Cold War approach where the U.S. would back any dictator who said he hated communists. And, since there are internal struggles, we're already backing Islamists like the Saudis even though they supported Al Quaeda, ISIS etc. (who now think the Saudis are apostates who are too friendly with the West) or the Syrian dictator. These extremist, woman-hating, slave-fueled regimes are horrifying, and the less we have to do with them, the better.

I think we have to hold to our ideals but also accept that you can't bring peace to people who don't want it, and sometimes there is no 'good guy' to back in a fight, just less worse actions that both sides can be encouraged to take.

So these are the things I read and care about, and then I read your opinions about Gaza. So many deaths, you say, while Arab Islamists kill 300,000 Africans in the Sudan without a peep of concern from you, and you ask me what do I stand for? The Muslim Rohingya in northern Myanmar tried and failed to create a separatist Islamic state, and are now being expelled en masse - their population of 1.2 million destroyed as 900,000 fled (mostly to neighboring Bangladesh) and most of those who remain are confined to refugee camps. But I'm a terrible person who supports genocide, and you're a good person who cares about genocide... but only when white people involved in some way? Islamists have perfectly targeted white guilt and ignorance to gain your inaction in global conflicts and shift it to Gaza.

Personally, I find religious zealots hazardous to my health and, philosophically, I do believe in the ideals of liberal democracy and would like them to continue. I also believe that, under the rhetoric and extremism, many people living in the Levant area also want to be free from these regimes. I believe there are Palestinians who would like self-government and, like many violent regimes, Hamas is a parasite on the people.

Anyway, I don't blame Israel for this war because what alternative does it have? Allow its people to be raided, raped, murdered and kidnapped? Even if it somehow ignored October 7th - and the families of hostages are making it difficult enough as things stand now - Israel has no incentive to return to another ceasefire situation where they wait for the next raid.

I have many, many critiques of Israel and actions I would like it to undertake, and I think undertaking this entire campaign has been a mistake, but they have a goal to remove Hamas and I think that's a good goal. I also think Israel will fail in that goal to remove Hamas from power, just as Hamas has failed to destroy Israel.

I don't think a ceasefire will help Palestinians, whether it comes sooner or later, they're in for more of the same as long as Hamas remains. But the over-arching conflict of Islamism and its goals won't change in Gaza unless the bigger picture changes.

So I'll ask you the same question - what do you stand for? Isn't this war just one step of a bold, revolutionary vision to overthrow Israel, drive out the Jews and link up with the glories of the new Caliphate? Aren't these deaths worthwhile to support that vision? There was a ceasefire in place before October 7th, what was so wrong with that situation that this war was needed? A ceasefire now would hardly return Palestinians to better conditions, so the next war will be just as justifiable as the last one. That's what Hamas stands for, what about you?

[almightyhamslice]

The rest of the experiment jesters redesigned! I imagine Minty and Spicy were thrown into floor -4 because Bittergiggle couldn't get them to cooperate, and they brought Savory into the group to try and "fix" the others. It did not go well. Unlike the first batch, all three (four) of these jesters were once whole, but were torn apart later in various ways.

Wintergreen and Spearmint willingly split themselves apart-- they were born in one body but they aren't alter egos or split personalities, they're simply the result of incomplete twinning. So, when they were grown in a test tube, their head was in the process of splitting into two, but wasn't able to finish. Therefore, they were born with one head, but two brains. Wintergreen was able to tolerate Spearmint back when they were one body, but Spearmint felt like he had no privacy and nothing for himself. So, it was his idea to split.

Savory was outright attacked by Sir Dadadoo-- I say this because the canon version of the character literally says he "lost a leg", meaning he originally had both his legs before the player meets him! Savory is like actually one of my fav jester designs (I wanted him to look like meat LOL) but he is SO suffering. I think he should have a little treat to feel better.

Spicy might've had his arms ripped off by Toadster-- his position next to an important switch makes me think he might've had a bad habit of turning it on and off, thus compromising floor -4's security and especially that of Bouncelia's staff (though since my version is not magic, it's less that the staff will be stolen and moreso that Sir Dadadoo would wreak havoc if he had access to Cityngeon again; it'd be a massacre). Therefore, Toadster took away Spicy's arms so he couldn't compromise anything else.

[lime-bloods]

Doc Scratch is an exercise in trust between reader and author. when he takes over Homestuck's narrative it's natural for us to distrust him on instinct: we were used to the other guy telling the story, who's this new guy and what are his credentials?

but by that point we already know that "the other guy" was just a fallible human; one locked in an attic by bullies and tormented by stuffed wolf heads, no less. the only reason we have to "trust" the first guy is because he's the devil we know. when Hussie calls Scratch's version of events "troll fanfiction" there's no real reason to believe that Hussie is "right" and Scratch is "wrong"; whether we choose to believe one author over the other is ultimately arbitrary. indeed, out of the two, Scratch is the only one with any real claim to "omniscience", even if it is partially compromised omniscience; so in all possibility we should believe him over the human one, right?

probably Scratch's main qualification for reliable author is that he does not lie. but if you already distrust this guy, what reason is there to necessary believe him when he says this, right? he could be lying about lying. so in truth whether we believe what Scratch says or not is, once again, totally arbitrary. like Rose's inquiries as to whether the Horrorterrors are evil or not, this is a fruitless line of questioning that ultimately achieves nothing. more important questions present themselves; why might Scratch be lying or telling the truth? what reason do we have to believe - or disbelieve - the things he says?

I've pointed out before that Scratch's policy of honesty reflects less on himself and more on Homestuck's narrative as a whole. Hussie's own commentary makes the exact same point: "...this is where some of his views as a nefarious alt-author figure start leaking out. If you imagine that his spiel here is being applied to a philosophy on storytelling, it tracks pretty well. [...] He isn't even that much worse than me in terms of things like authorial sadism, jerking the reader around in certain ways, self-indulgence." (Homestuck: Book 6, p. 388) So in deciding whether or not you "trust" Scratch, what you are really being asked to do is decide whether or not you trust Homestuck itself; you're being forced to either engage with Homestuck on its own terms, on the merits of its own themes - or to disregard the text entirely!

[gummybearzgocrazyagain]

kinn/porsche fic rec

Fake Dating AU

Tell Me That You Love Me (even if it’s fake) by @whitewalkers [luuuuuv me a fandom as ripe with fake dating trope as kp, it never quite loses it’s charm innit. kinn has a high school reunion to attend, and of course why not use it as a ploy to sway his most annoying bodyguard into confessing his nascent feelings... well-done, tis a rec]

Vigilante/Special Agent AU

Deep Like a Coastal Shelf by @Lilla_Torg [aight so this is an author with the very distinguished storytelling pattern, that i can not help but appreciate, their world-building and characterization is usually top notch, and this particular babie is not an exception: porsche and chay were brought up by someone from the syndicate that targets organized crime, and now that people, who used to call themselves their parents, are gone, Porsche is left with the ominous List, and a black leather vigilante suit, to keep their legacy alive. korn and gun are dead, Main and Minor fams are combined, tankhun has taken over as the Leader. kinn handles their overseas ops. amazing quality of storytelling, as always. DNI if you can’t handle pairings other than kp, as this is a multi-pairing piece, as it is customary for this author. but again, the story is so good, i didn’t even skip kimchay/vegaspete bits, which is a feat on it’s own. max kudosssssss]

the house don’t fall (when the bones are good) by @bytheriveriwept [i often say that i luved some works, but there are works i luved, and then there are works i LUVVEEEEEEDDDDDDDD with my whole-ass heart, this bit of genius masterpiece is the case of the latter. kp are special agents, colleagues, parts of the same organization, cohesive unit, and all that. only until porsche decides to take on risqué assignment, and go undercover. will they still be them, when he is back....? what can i say, this was sooooooooo up my alley in so many ways, i don’t even wanna say no more, if you haven’t read this.... what the hell is you even doing]

Third person POV

First Impressions by @AirgiodSLV [oooohhhhh how i luv me some piece of delicious 3rd person pov, yummmmm, Bank is a new hire for the Major fam, and this is the first time he is present at the meeting between the families.... yumm👌]

Alternative Meeting AU

stumbling to the edge by @FireRisingOverTheHills [absolutely delightful and underrated series for those who is not looking for heavy feels: it is light-hearted, sweet, well-written and entertaining, all without being angsty or plot-twist-heavy. despite the alternative meeting, it is still pretty much in-universe compliant. kp meet at a bar under different circumstances, but end up pretty much in the same compromising position that we all love to see them in. much kudos🙏]

the less i know the better by @mslunita [yummmmm, delicious morsel of tinder hookup-turned-softness, i really enjoyed this one: kp initially meet on the apps, and yet, being themselves, immediately turn this motha all soppy and lovey-dovey, - extremely canon-complaint, if you ask me. exactly the kinda content i am here for🙏 super-well done]

For Want of Fighting by @Mara [this fandom sure does luuuuuuv it some alternative meetings aus, huh, and i ain’t about to complain. great short piece, Businessman AU, first meeting is not too drastically different to canon, but the context does slightly differ. very entertaining and def a rec]

Sports AU

Salt by @ronadnhermy [oh. my. god. what a fucking catch, luv luv luved ittttttt, so well-written, so entertaining, there is plot, there is emotional turmoil, morally dubious kinn, maybe the younger versions of them is not exactly my jam, but with such quality, who cares... porsche is like 18-19 and on the Thailand National Taekwondo team, kinn is in uni, and sees something he likes, thangs spiral from there... super recommend, ah-mazing, allllllll the kudos]

bar owner!porsche AU

like real people do by @motherfleckers [Kinn is a celeb, Porsche owns a tiny bar in a tinier fishing town, simple premise with a delightful resolution: eyebrows, usual canon levels of audacity, motorcycle rides, and, most importantly, kinn’s dick is not small. it’s very very good (the fic, not kinn’s dick, although that too). major kudosssssssss]

Now make your bed (now lie in it) by @deliciousblizzardshark [2-for-1 tropes sale, apart from bar owner!porsche, you get accidental babie acquisition, my beloved <33333 fair warning, one must brace themselves for being gutted with longing, as well as general adorableness of kinn going “i’ve only had this random babie for 1,5 days but if something happens to her imma end everyone in this establishment and then myself”, adored this one sooooo much, prolly one of my personal faves, sooooooo many kudosssssss]

Cabin crew AU

before i leave, i want it a thousand times by @mslunita [despite somewhat disparaging reputation real-life cabin crew have acquired in my city, i clearly have no issues reading porsche being one slutty flight attendant, and hey, when your client is kinn anakinn theerapanyakul, who could actually blame him for slightly loosening his morals up on occasion, right? certainly not me, you go boiiiiii]

Historical AU

Love and the Art of War by @fortunehasgivenup [oooooowwwwww yassss, this is sooooo far up my alley it ain’t even funny. first of all, this author is everything, man, love all their fics, must reads, all of them. this specific babie is sooooo precious though: set in some nebulous middle ages, it’s a war camp setting, kinn has been away from home for months, and upon returning from some battle or other, gets an unexpected visitor waiting for him inside his tent. ngl, i would have read 200k of this, but author gave me 4, and i lapped them up like a man starved. perfection, truly. not to mention the use of “anakinn” in any context just does it for me🤷‍♀️]

Sex worker adjacent AU

escort AU by @Oscarian_Flame [Porsche joins the same agency kinn has been a long-term client of, and the universe expands from there. well-written and fun to explore, with interesting oc’s, worth a read for sure!]

Cliff Jump by @AirgiodSLV [ooohhhhh yeahhh babie we talking with this one💅 soooo.... vegas is using the same agency, and it kinda triggers kinn’s competitive side, earning him a certain...  reputation. once every twink is bangkok is so exhausted that ain’t noone is able to deal with his over-the-top shite no more, the agency sends someone who has enough stamina to withstand the lengthy bounds of athletic... interactions. yeahhhhh, you guessed it. so very entertaining and plot-twisty. so very delightful]

even though you’re not mine, you’ve got that look in your eyes by @fortunehasgivenup [highly highly doubt there are people left in this fandom who have not read this masterpiece, and yet could not exclude it from the recs, it’s that spectacular. if one must create escort-by-misunderstanding AU.... do it to such level. spectacular work, allllll the kudos]

Night Call by @ziusik [one of my fav pieces in this fandom no cap, if you know this author, you know, i obvi adore every single word of both mileapo and kp this author has everrrrr written, and this particular stripper!porsche au with absolutely helplessly besotted idiot-kinn is outa this worldddddddd great. it’s like if “under the influence” by cb was a fic, the vibe is simply immaculate]

Comedy/Crack

Wilderness Camp by @housseao3 [wholesome and endearing piece of fun, i lichrally cackled multiple times, i meannnn, tankhun with his rompers, chan/tay, sugarplum/chicken, unforgettable ken/groundskeeper....? adorable, entertaining and praise-worthy attempt at light-heartedness and humour, super-well done]

School/Uni AU

let there be no barriers (between you and i) by @anakinn [being both adorable and hot is a general qualifier for ending up on my rec page, so here it goes as well. porsche has had a crush on one of his classmates for the better part of their university journey. one day being bored in class, he decides to test some random online advice, and see whether anyone of his mates is a mind-reader.... you guessed it folks, one particular person just might be. short and to the point delicious morsel of general canon-appropriate kp horniness for eo <3]

i gave a second chance to cupid by @haeseolar [omnomnomnom *chomps down on this fic with gusto* you know the feeling you get while consuming media, this overwhelming regret that the magnificent piece of work you’re currently devouring has already been perceived by you, and you never get to experience it for the first time ever again...? big time my energy while reading this one, what a mind candy, i reeeeeeeeeally enjoyed it🙏🙏🙏 kinn is 39, he is teaching lit at a private school, when the new 24yo PE teacher joins their roster fresh off uni... i dunno what to tell you, this author just gets it, when i say all the kudos, i quite literally mean all the possible kudos for this one]

Various in-universe AUs

The One Where Porsche and Kim Are Gym Buddies by @fortunehasgivenup [oooiiii, what fun, what funnnnnn: kim and porsche are both in the fights, and occasionally meet at the gym... reluctant comradery ensues. they talk to each other about their respective crushes, none the wiser that they have been railing each other’s nong and phi... what else is there to say, the author is so good i even attempted to read kimchay, which is practically unheard of, lich-rally all the kudos]

Here With You by @Yeetyeetbroski [daaaaaaaamn sonnn, the tension, the tensionnnnnn..... “scrumptious” is an understatement for what a treat it was. thank you dear author, much much MUCH kudos p.s. while you’re at it, i’d recommend to go through this author’s whole catalogue, their rendition of kp dynamic is a delight to read]

The Aftermath by @Yeetyeetbroski [yippy, the softness <3333333 So this is an Ep 6 aftermath, an AU for Ep 7. absolutely lovely and adorbs. soft besotted kinn is universally accepted as one of the fandom fav versions of kinn, so in regards of delivering on this front this fic is def up there. awesome read]

Post-canon

Storm to Weather by @archay [it was soooo good, i luv this typa vibe, bitter-sweet, but hopeful <333 the theerapanyakul empire is done for, and kinn and porsche are out to fend for themselves in a real world. tis a rec]

Whittled Down by Another War by @rageprufrock [i... are there even words... abso-fucking-lutely legendary piece, the way theerapanyakul bros dynamic is portrayed in this.... damnnnnnnnnnn, if there is anyone, literally anyone left who has not read this yet... what the fuck are you doing with your life, GO READ THIS ABSOLUTELY MINDBLOWING FIC]

fell in love with the fire long ago by @builtempires [wieeeeeeeeeeee, what a tasty treat: kinn is away on business, and a certain head of the minor family decides that sending his partner some racy pics while separated by thousands of miles would help the situation... it both does and doesn’t. very entertaining, super hot, much kudos]

Magic AU

Instinct by @the-wayside [ohhhhh this bloody gorgeous muthafuckin thang.... i remember being so overwhelmed after reading initial chapters that i even dmed the author, cause it was cloying at my skin, the story is superb. not everyone, but many people got an instinct living inside of them, and what do you think happens when kinn goes to some random underground fight held at some random seedy club and his instinct meets porsche.... yeppp. something about reading how the most animalistic, primal part of kinn wants and longs for what is his is just.... maaaaaaaan, If you haven’t read it yet and there is still an opportunity for you to experience it for the first time, i am so fucking envious no cap]

Poring Down Crimson Fire by @Lilla_Torg [whatttttttt, this was fucking insane, like...??? the world-building??? i fucking can’t, off the charts, insert chief kiss emoji size of a sun. i don’t even know how to rec something like dat, just... insanely devastatingly interesting story, and yeah, technically it’s not even kp fic per se, cause the whole fucking gang be giving off main character vibes. must read]

+

bonus:

MILEAPO

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disclaimer: realizing how tricky the whole topic of rpf might seem, i myself have not dipped a toe in this pool in a long, long time, therefore do completely understand and accept any potential discomfort anyone may have with using names/likeness of real people for fanfiction writing purposes. kindly, if you are uncomfortable with the topic, do not proceed any further, thank yew. p.s. also, as it has been noted so many times before, if you didn’t want us to write/read fanfiction about you, maybe you shouldn’t look at your work colleague like dat, bruv, just saying

......................................................................................................................

Starting Ambitions by @iffervescent [abo rpf, fucking masterpiece, luv this story sm]

Marked by @oliviacirce [yeahhhhhhhh... this. this was... an experience. they are about to film the scene in pete/porsche’s room, but the special effects person is out with the stomach flu, and there is no one to apply the fake hickies to apo’s neck. mile comes up with the brilliant idea that saves the day. no words, only squeals and cheers]

Whole New Kinds of Weather by @archay [short, sweet, hot and to the point 👌 after the NYE 2023 the whole team comes back to Tong’s for an after-party (for the live of me, i dunno why is it always Tong in the fics, tis has become some kind of established fanon by now), and thangs transpire in his bedroom (sorry, phi!!! pls don’t kill them)]

obviously, every single word @ziusik has ever written, especially Limerence, your lips in the street lights, and of fucking course, just a step away, which is definitely one of my fav ma fics everrrrrr and forever fandom classic

and finally...

said you’d be coming back this way again, baby by @concernedlily [this is what i’d call an ultimate ma fic, jokes aside, if there would be a limited amount of fics a person is allowed to read in they lifetime, this would make the cut every time for me. no matter how many wonderfully written, extremely talented ma works are out there, this would always be the ma fic for me, absolutely fandom-forming, i can never praise this work enough]

[starsscribble]

Wish He Was Here

Fandom: Genshin Impact Characters: Albedo, Zhongli, Xiao

“Do you have to go?” Klee asked again as you, once more, checked over your bag. Once you made sure you had everything you smiled at the young knight and gave her a pat on the head. “I will only be gone for a week.” “I know but-” Albedo was quick to scoop up the girl in his arms; cutting off her sentence in the process. You look at her face to face. “Lantern Rite is an important festival for me,” you reminded her once more. “I go to see my family and friends in Liyue and to bring in the new year.” “Ok.” The defeat in her voice stung you; as a knock on the door told all three of you Kaeya was here. You placed a kiss on Klee’s cheek before speaking. “When I return, how about we have our own version of Lantern Rite? I will cook you foods from my childhood.” That seemed to brighten her up as she excitedly agreed. You do wish to take her and Albedo along with you. This year, like all the other years, Albedo was busy with work for the Knights and you feared that you wouldn’t be able to watch Klee by yourself. So this was the perfect compromise. Once you said your goodbye to Klee, she was off in the care of the Cavalry Captain. Albedo and yourself also head out of the house and like all the other past years; he would join you on your way to your home nation. You remind him to care for himself in your absence and he would quietly agreed with an ‘mmm’ or nod. This year like last all the others you would both stop at Dawn Winery. Only this time Albedo sent you off with a kiss in place of just a simple hug. “I’ll miss you,” he said sadly, his hand resting on your cheeks as his forehead rested on yours. “I’ll miss you too. Maybe next year you and Klee can join me.” A hum left him as you pushed for one more kiss before returning to the path. You waved at him until neither of you saw the other; your heart sinking a bit. ‘It’s just a week, not a lifetime.’ You reminded yourself as you focused on the path and monsters ahead of you.

Reaching Liyue’s entrance you saw your father standing there waiting. His soft smile turned wide as you rushed into his arms, your joy spreading to him. “I trust your trip was safe.” It was less a question but a statement; he knew it had been safe as he knew the moment you stepped into Liyue. He might no longer be a god but his powers remained and he would use it to protect his children. “It was fine. I stopped to speak with Xiao but he wasn’t at the inn.” You sighed, you liked to check in on him when you came home. It was, however, a hit or miss if you caught him. You could call him, knowing that he would come without hesitation. Yet you were uncertain if you should use it on something like a simple check-up. Your father smiled at him. “The Traveler is here for the festival.” The old god informs, your eyebrow raises together as your father sends you a knowing look. “Oh,” you're almost taken aback. “Has he finally told them his feelings?” You asked as both your father and you head into the city. The old man filling you in on the change of relationship between Xiao and the Traveler.

The beauty of Lantern Rite was never lost on you; the Qixing seem to outdo themselves every year. Once more you wish you could share this with Albedo, a sigh exited your mouth. “Something wrong?” Your father asked his teacup lowering towards the table as he looked over towards you. “Is the food not to your taste?” He added on. “What? No!” Even after years apart; save for short visits like this, your father still understood your taste in food better than most. Your eyes drifted from his towards a passing couple. “I just miss Albedo.” “Ah,” Zhongli nodded. He remembers you informing him that once again the talented alchemist that won his beloved daughter’s heart was busy during this festival. “There will be many more Lantern Rite. He can’t be busy for all of them.” He smiled at you hoping to ease the pain in your heart just a bit. “Ya,” you hummed quietly before returning your attention to the food before you. Zhongli watched you carefully throughout the dinner and it seemed over time the hurt was once again buried as you listened to the storyteller.

You had walked all of Liyue Harbor, drank tea with Madame Ping and Yanfei, went to Mt. Aocang, and greeted Cloud Retainer along with the other adepti at their homes. You had even ran into Xiao and the Traveler when out clearing some hilichurls for Ganyu. Like every year your Lantern Rite was busy and exciting. Once again you were dining with your father on the third night of Lantern Rite. There was no storyteller this time, just the music that filled the streets and, of course, your father's own stories. You had heard them so many times before, but you still listened to them like it was your first time. He simply had a way with words that always drew your attention. More when you were a child. “I must say. This food looks amazing. May I join?” A voice asked from behind you before your father could speak, your head whipped around. Your smiles grew as you launched out of your seat arms wrapping themselves around the alchemist's neck. He chuckled his arms wrapping around you to hold you up. “I thought you were busy.” You've voice was low as you buried your head into his shoulder. You couldn't help at. He was here in Liyue with you for Lantern Rite. “I finished earlier and thought I’d surprise you.” You pulled away from him as one of his hands moved from your waist to your cheek. “Did I surprise you?” His head tilted to the side as he tried to gauge if what he had done was right. “Very much so.” You hummed going to kiss him only for your father to clear his throat. Your cheek turned pink remembering you were in fact with your father. Pulling away Albedo chuckled as he too moved away from you waiting for you to introduce him. “Papa,” you positioned yourself to look at both of them. “This is Albedo. Albedo this is Zhongli, my father.” “It is nice to finally make your acquaintance,” Zhongli spoke calmly as he examined the blonde in front of him. Seeing if this person was good enough for his child. He had done the same to the Traveler even after knowing them for many years. “Same sir. Y/n speaks highly of you.” If Albedo felt the pressure of your father's watchful gaze he didn’t show it. You were quick to have him take a seat beside you and try some of the food. More to calm your own nerves than anything else.

Conversation between the two men was slow, at first. Yet as you kept trying to talk about all different topics one finally clicked and the two men began speaking non-stop. Even as you all left the restaurant Albedo listened to your father’s words. You lagged behind the men watching as they spoke and walked along the docks. How you wish to have a Kamera to capture the moment. They were both so passionate about the topic at hand; yet when they notice your absence they both turned to find you. Your name called from both of them caused you to smile even more. “Coming. I was just capturing a memory.” You jogged up to join them, Albedo's hand easily found yours as your father patted your head.

The rest of the festival seemed to fly by as you introduced Albedo to the city you grew up in and the people you called friends. Yet all too quickly you were both wishing your father farewell as Albedo and you headed from the city. Of course, even with Albedo by your side, you stopped once more at Wangshu Inn. Standing on the balcony overlooking the field you called out for Xiao. No more than a second passed before the Yaksha appeared. “Why have you called?” He asked bluntly yet worry was also clear in his voice; as you had never once called him without you being in danger. “I wanted to see you one last time before leaving Liyue.” “Ah,” he paused, unsure what to do with this information. “Well be safe on your trip and in Mondstadt.” You smiled before wrapping your arms around him; you felt him freeze for a bit before accepting the embrace. “Take care of yourself.” You pulled away from him still smiling. “You better still be kicking when I visit next.” “I will try.” It wasn’t much but it was enough for you as you once again said your farewell to him and headed back down to a waiting Albedo.

The lone Yaksha, like every year, watched as you left the inn and followed on the winds until you reached the nation of freedom. Zhongli was waiting back at the inn when he returned from guarding you. “What are your thoughts on Albedo?” The old god questioned before sipping on his tea. “He clearly makes her happy. So long as he continues that I have no problem.” Xiao spoke standing beside the god. Zhongli hummed in agreement.

[ink-flavored]

Hell and Demons

BTS Series: ⬅ Table of Contents - Purgatory➡ Also available on Neocities! P&J Taglist (Check out my Google form to get added): @elegant-paper-collection @auroblaze@zeenimf @vacantgodling @foxys-fantasy-tales Banner art by @auroblaze

I couldn’t have a post about Heaven without a follow-up about Hell, so here we are! For this world-building post, I’ll be discussing how Pride & Justice’s version of Hell functions and how demon powers work.

The Structure of Hell

When Lucifer and his fellow revolutionaries were cast from Heaven, with their wings torn from them and their halos broken, a river of fire awaited them. As the first fallen angels screamed and burned and boiled alive, the strength of Lucifer’s rage alone was enough to transform them all, and the realm God doomed them to wander. Using the last of the power Heaven granted him, the former archangel molded himself to the fabric of the wasteland dimension, bent it to his will, and proclaimed a new kingdom—the Kingdom of Hell. And proclaimed himself its new God.

Empowered from the fresh spring of energy, Lucifer granted his followers gifts that compared to God’s blessings. He preached a new way of life, away from the tyranny they’d all risen up against. No more would they be abandoned for the fleeting affection of a new creation. Any who were unworthy in Heaven would be welcomed with open arms in Hell—to be among their true siblings, where all were powerful, and all were heard.

In time, however, Lucifer’s grand promises were proven less than the sum of their parts. Festering in pain and anger and pride, he encouraged other fallen angels—demons—do the same. To let the anger for Heaven and God fuel them the same way he’d done to create their new home, and to take the name of their sin. He taught them to show no mercy, accept no compromises, and always, always fight when slighted. Under his rule, the Kingdom of Hell had only one law: survival of the fittest. The demons within became ruthlessly cutthroat and transactional. Whereas Heaven is a well-oiled machine, Hell is an army of gears with nothing to power but their own fury.

The one thing all demons could agree on was that they had all been abandoned, and one day their rage would be so great that God Himself would tremble.

Demons

Though they were once angels, demons have very little in common with their holy cousins. When an angel is banished to Hell, their wings are cut off to forbid a return to Heaven. Their halos are broken, and the halves are driven into their skulls, creating horns that eternally spark and smoke. As they fall, the blinding speed and remainder of their holy flame create comet-trails that grow tails from their backs. And when they land in Hell at last, they spend ages and ages burning alive, in agony.

Lucifer encourages newly fallen demons to use their rage to transform themselves permanently, pitching it as the same gift God gives His Realized angels. This second change is limited, but it’s enough for most demons to applaud Lucifer for his awesome power. Part of this change comes in their true forms—the transformation from the lack of wings, halo, and pain mutates their Nameless forms. Instead of great rings of fire, they become enormous beasts, and no two are the same. They can be animalistic, nothing more than sludge, or anything in between.

Like angels can embody any virtue, demons can embody any sin. Sloth, wrath, greed, gluttony, lust, and pride, often an inverse of the virtue they served in Heaven, though not always. While temperance can easily become sloth, it is just as easy for it to become wrath. Love or passion have the easiest path to lust, but also have quick tracks to greed or pride. Assuming a demon’s past virtue based on the sin that caused their fall is flawed—and a useless practice. There are few demons who acknowledge they were ever angels, devoted wholly to their new purpose.

Powers

Like angels, a demon’s powers in Hell are only as relevant as any other demon they happen to cross paths with. As fighting and displays of strength are far more common in Hell, the use of sheer brutal strength is the most common “power” wielded amongst other demons. But, again like angels, when they travel to Earth their powers become exceedingly potent.

Many demons despise humans, especially those who fell in Lucifer’s rebellion. For this reason, they might refuse to interact with Earth and humanity altogether, satisfied with prowling in the fire and shadows of Hell with other demons. Other demons who desire power whenever they can get it, or whose animosity is particularly twisted, rise to Earth in an attempt to condemn others to their same fate.

Similarly to an angel, a demon can’t remain at their full power on Earth forever, as it will drain without access to Hell, and they’ll become trapped as humans. However, very few demons come to Earth with the intent to use their full power in the first place—humans aren’t worth such an expense. Instead, demons sniff out humans that have the potential for sin, and earnestly push a small handful of them in the direction of damnation. Where angels cause miracles, demons cause adversity.

“Sniff” is almost literal in this case. Whereas angels can sense human’s pain, when a demon changes, as do their powers. After their transformation, demons can taste potential and active sin, with the strength of the flavor increasing the closer they are to the source. Most demons can only taste, and therefore influence, the sin of their origin—demons of gluttony can only taste the potential for gluttony, for example—with one notable exception. Pride, the root of all sin, has the power to detect all kinds of sin.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I forgot to mention it, but the sin of pride has special extra powers because Lucifer, who fell for his pride, is, like, really self-centered.

The way a demon pushes a human toward sin is a matter of infiltration. If a human doesn’t act upon their potential for sin, the mere thought doesn’t make them sinful. It’s only counted as a strike against them if the sin is acted upon, and tangibly hurts another. A demon’s purpose for coming to Earth is to seek out these potential sinners, and goad them in that direction. They directly use their powers as influence, to convince a human to act on that thought, and damn themselves. Whether or not the demon succeeds is up to the strength of the human to resist the suggestion, their personal willingness to harm another, and how much pushing the demon has to do.

Like an angel’s wings, a demon becomes invisible if they reveal their horns and tail, visible only to the human they’re currently engaged with. Once the demon disappears, the human will forget them entirely, convinced that they made up their minds all on their own.

The classic “deal with the devil” can’t be forgotten, of course. Demons rarely stick around on Earth disguised as humans, but those that do intend to get a little more out of their causing of sin than sick satisfaction. Taking possession of a soul means more than simply adding a tally on Hell’s population count—it’s a mark of status among demons, to have successfully claimed a soul. Demons make deals with each other as well as humans, forming brief alliances to defeat a common enemy—as long as one has something the other is willing to pay them with. Those that fail to complete their contracts or break them early—whether for a human or another demon—are hunted for the display of weakness.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Slight change here! When demons break or fail their contracts, they die. When they make contracts, with humans or each other, they necessarily tie their own soul to the completion of it. That’s another reason why it’s a status symbol—only the most badass of demons would risk their eternal lives for an ego boost. Most demons will intentionally make sure they have the maximum amount of time or infinite chances to complete the contract to wiggle out of that unfortunate side effect, but not everything can be snuck out of that way. If a demon with a contract bound to their soul were to, say, stay on Earth long enough that they lose their powers and become human, they’d die the instant their power fully left, or when the contract can’t be completed, whichever comes first.

The Sinful

But what of humanity? What of the sinful humans who aren’t permitted to enter God’s Kingdom?

While Lucifer boasted Hell as a place where all would be heard, none would be cast out, and any found unworthy by God were welcome, privately he still seethed at what he blamed as the reason for his downfall: humanity. The puny creatures that stole God’s love from him, and caused him to be cast out for simply asking what he was due.

When the first humans rejected by God turned up at his doorstep, Lucifer quickly changed his tune. If the Kingdom of Hell was to be like the Kingdom of Heaven, this meant there would inevitably be an unworthy class. After all, if it’s good enough for God, it’s good enough for them.

The sinful spend the rest of their eternal lives tormented by, or in service to, the demons that populate Hell. They truly are the lowest class of the universe. Heaven won’t help them, and Purgatory may have already failed them. Not even other demons, abandoned by God and intimately aware of their plight, feel sympathy for them, consumed eternally by bitterness and vengeance.

Well, here we are! This one got long, but I had a lot I wanted to talk about regarding demons. I thought about it a lot, since the protagonist is a demon, and I’m really excited to hear what everyone thinks!

Thanks for your generous support, as always!

— Annika

[pandoramsbox]

Sci-Fi Saturday: Gold

Week 13:

Film(s): Gold (Dir. Karl Hartl, 1934, Germany)

Viewing Format: Blu-Ray: Kino Lorber

Date Watched: 2021-08-20

Rationale for Inclusion:

Most popular histories of German cinema gush over its silent era and Fritz Lang's early talkies, boils the Nazi era down to propaganda films, and then rapidly moves on to West Germany's New Cinema of the 1960s and 1970s. When touring the Berlin Film Museum in 2006, they had an exhibit acknowledging cinema made under the Nazi regime, but it was plain, matter of fact, and not at all celebratory of any figure or works. The standing international agreement to not give Nazis more credit for anything positive created under their supervision between 1933 and 1945 is one that this lifelong Indiana Jones fan, from a country that has historically been less willing to acknowledge its own history of genocide and white supremacy, cannot argue with.

However, when something is made deliberately withheld or rendered taboo, it risks developing a fetishistic or contrarian following. Curated, contextualized access is preferable to dispel mystique and render a work mundane. However, a work's problematic nature cannot be exercised completely, nor can the stain of its lineage be fully forgotten once known. This mental calculus of having interest in or love for a work despite it or its creator's controversial nature is something each person must work out for themselves.

All that to say, if you're grossed out by the inclusion of a film created under the Nazi regime, that's a completely fair perspective. However, surreptitious curiosity is also valid, and a normal human emotion.

And curiosity is definitely what motivated my inclusion of Gold (Dir. Karl Hartl, 1934, Germany). Partly it was wondering what a Nazi supervised science fiction film was like, period, especially relative to the Weimar Era films previously viewed. Partly it was a more basic curiosity: the prospect of hearing the voice of Brigette Helm, of Metropolis (Dir. Fritz Lang, 1927, Germany) fame. And to be perfectly honest, the simplistic wonder of hearing the voice of a performer whose art focuses on pantomime was the bigger draw.

Reactions:

Brigette Helm has a voice that is consistent with her appearance: elegant and German. The anticlimax of learning that fact is on par with realizing Harold Lloyd has a soft spoken, Midwest accent that matches his aesthetic, as opposed to the surprise of Charles Chaplin's English accent or Buster Keaton's deep baritone voice.

That question out of the way, what about the film itself? Nothing especially anti-semitic or fascist in visuals or content makes its production origin glaringly obvious. Given that like F.P.1 [AKA F.P. 1 Doesn't Answer] (F.P.1 antwortet nicht, Dir. Karl Hartl, 1932, Germany) an additional French language version was produced with export in mind, and the Nazis had just come to power and purchased UFA in 1933, and would not begin explicit international aggressions until 1938, it follows that they would not want to compromise cinematic commerce in 1934. 

Instead, Gold is about the relationship between scientific progress and capitalist greed. A German scientist (Friedrich Kayßler) is about to succeed in the dreams of the alchemists and create a machine that can transform lead into gold, when sabotage destroys the machine and its creator with it. His engineer Werner Holk (Hans Alber) swears vengeance for his friend, and takes a job with industrialist John Wills (Michael Bohnen), who arranged the sabotage in order to corner the market on the technology. Holk proceeds to take down the usurper from the inside and the film ends with lots of satisfying explosions.  

Amid the straightforward wrong scientist seeks revenge narrative are some incredible set pieces. Giant electrodes and machines with tunnel trains connecting the underground laboratory to the mainland. The sets and props were so impressive that footage of them was later reused in The Magnetic Monster (Dir. Curt Siodmak, 1953, USA). However, UFA did not make additional science fiction films during the Nazi era, so the sets and props were not reused in other movies by the studio.

Gold is interesting and ultimately competent but unremarkable, compared to the genre films that came before it. 

And if you are interested in learning more about German cinema during the Nazi era, I recommend the documentaries Hitler's Hollywood (Dir. Rüdiger Suchsland, 2017, Germany) (which features Gold briefly) and Forbidden Films (Verbotene Filme, Dir. Felix Moeller, 2014, Germany).

[triviareads]

Hi! I hope you’re doing fine :)

I was planning on reading the Bridgerton Chronicles, but I heard there are many books, so here’s my question: in what order should I read them?

Also, are they really that good? How’s the vibe of the books? Is it light and funny or heavy and angsty?

Thank you!

Hi! I do think each book in the Bridgerton series can be read individually and out of order, but it's nice to read them in order I think. The series is overall very light and set among London's high society (with a few exceptions— all mostly in aristocratic country estates and castles). Julia Quinn does good humor and banter (and she does rely on slapstick humor and physical comedy at times... The Viscount Who Loved Me in particular had a lot of this). The romances themselves range from solid to tepid, as do the plots, so here's how I'd rank them:

When He Was Wicked: The sexiest book of the eight, and very emotional because Francesca's husband dies at the beginning and the hero Michael is her husband's cousin and Michael and Francesca were close as well (there was definitely some flirting that occurred before John Stirling's death), so cue all the angst and guilt. Flashforward to when Francesca decides to remarry but freaks out over her feelings for Michael and flees to Scotland where the best seduction scene in the series (that also uses the title of the book) occurs. My favorite thing about this book is when they're basically playing a high-stakes game of "if I get you pregnant we'll have to marry" roulette until they finally get their shit together.

The Viscount Who Loved Me: Look, as much as Anthony is billed as a rake, I really don't think he is. Book!Anthony is a messy, somewhat neurotic man who decides to court Kate's seventeen year-old sister because she's the diamond of the season, but ends up falling for spinster Kate instead. The banter in this one is excellent, as are all these moments of physical comedy ranging from straight-up hilarious (Anthony falling into the river thanks to Newton the dog) to hot (Anthony panic-sucking the bee venom out of Kate's tit and Portia Featherington uttering the greatest line in the series, "Lud, girl, he had his mouth on your bubbies"), to questionable but still hot (Kate biting Anthony's leg from under his desk, and then Anthony basically forcing a first kiss on her). There is an accidental compromise followed by a forced marriage, only after which they fall in love.

It's In His Kiss: Gareth is another rake hero (illegitimate, has daddy issues, which is classic Julia), but the true standout in this book is Hyacinth, who's a spinster but a fun spinster with few qualms about B&E, gives good banter, and has relatively lesser inhibitions compared to the other 6 virgin heroines. The plot, from what I remember is just them repeatedly breaking and entering in order to find treasure hidden by Gareth's grandma(?), with a side of Gareth's daddy issues (that... may have influenced him to compromise and marry Hyacinth). Lady Danbury has a pretty big role in this book.

The Duke And I: This was one of the first historical romances I ever read, and my first impression was that it was really cute with a simple plot: Daphne is in his third season but is worried about her marital prospects because she's seen as One Of The Guys, so she agrees to fake-court her brother's best friend Simon, Duke of Hastings, except they're caught in a compromising position, Simon nearly fights a duel over her, but they marry. The big issue however, is that Simon doesn't inform Daphne that he doesn't want children (as opposed to being unable to have them, and Daphne doesn't know how sex works :/). Ultimately, Daphne sexually assaults Simon (he says no and he's drunk, but she continues anyway) and it's never treated as such nor does she ever repent so.... bear that in mind.

Romancing Mr. Bridgerton: Here's my thing— book!Penelope is a pretty solid heroine and I did enjoy the low-stakes, less-spiteful version of Lady Whistledown, her scandal sheet she secretly publishes. Basically, if you like an underdog heroine, she's not a bad one. What I disliked was how she tragically pined over Colin for over a DECADE, as well as how her weight loss was treated as a condition to her being seen as attractive and finding love (regardless of how many years prior it took place to her getting with Colin, narratively it's gross). Colin, on the other hand, is a relatively childish hero who actually gets jealous of Penelope for having purpose when he doesn't, at one point even grabbing her arm so tightly he knows it's going to bruise.

On The Way To The Wedding: Gregory Bridgerton never quite overcomes his baby-of-the-family status, even in his own romance. He spends a lot of it waffling between two women and Lucy the heroine was just... meh. You'd think a story where the hero kidnaps the heroine (for her safety ostensibly lol) would be more interesting... but it isn't.

An Offer From a Gentleman: Cinderella adaptation but a super dull one, tbh. The way the narrative virtue-signaled with how Sophie repeatedly refused to be Benedict's mistress always irritated me. And on Benedict's end, the man has zero game, keeps hounding Sophie while she's working for his mom, and it has literally the cringiest virginity-loss scene ever.

To Sir Phillip With Love: Genuinely the most horrific of the books which is saying something, considering #4. I despise Phillip for his brand of absentee fatherhood which literally involves turning a blind eye to abuse, he victim-blames his first wife Marina for her depression (and he basically sexually assaults a depressed woman who is unable to consent to having sex and is laying catatonic under him) and subsequent suicide and CONSTANTLY compares Marina to how "happy" and "cheerful" the heroine Eloise is, and he basically sees Eloise as a live-in sex doll and mother figure. Eloise herself is.... fine, as far a heroines go. But Phillips kids? They were horrible. Eloise deserved better.

I used to say this series is a good introduction-to-historical-romance series, but I think you can probably do better. Try Adriana Herrera's Las Leonas series (stunning, gorgeous), or Vivienne Lorret's Mating Habits of Scoundrels series (for that humor and banter), or KJ Charles' Doomsday series (which were marketed as Bridgerton-meets-Poldark).

[toomanylegos]

If one of your characters were to have a scene where they have a rival that they’re secretly crushing on, who would it be? How would it go?

If possible, choose someone other than David because we already know how that goes for him. (Kissing his rival after slamming him into a wall 👀)

The only other person I can think of for this situation is Shane, which makes sense cause we've kinda did something like that with him before. I also thought of Simon cause of the one time we did a hate-to-love thing with him and Jude. Silas might be good for this situation too, mostly because of his personality and how I see him viewing competition.

Okay, one at a time...

Shane

Shane is a bit of a bastard when it comes to going against somebody; we both know that. Of course, this depends on the version of Shane we go with as well, but I'm not gonna get into that for the sake of being concise.

OG Shane would be more likely to treat a rivalry as healthy competition -- depending on the rival. If the rival is a friend of his parents, he'd be more cold towards them and likely engage in Alice-level antics against them, sneakily of course. If the rival is not associated with his parents, he'd forgo the antics. In either case, he'd be his usual silent and observant self which can easily be mistaken as being aloof or giving a cold shoulder. In reality, he's just studying his rival -- seeing where their strengths and weaknesses lie; watching how they improve themselves and make up for their weaknesses; calculating how he can improve himself to match or better them.

The crush would start with admiration. He'd come to admire his rival in their skills (no matter how mundane they be) and maybe even acknowledge them verbally to ask about their skills so he can learn them too. This, obviously, leads to bonding and Shane becoming more open. Eventually, this closeness leads to a very big and very gay crisis. He'd likely try to maintain a professional distance between him and his rival; continue to act as if nothing has changed and like he totally isn't thinking about how they'd feel in his arms. All the while, he has become more distracted in his daily life -- being more clumsy and less careful about injuring himself.

Shane, the "perfect soldier" who towers over his siblings and is among the most skilled members of his family, is reduced to a clumsy giant with a blushing habit whenever he faces his crush.

Simon

Simon is like a worse version of David when it comes to developing a crush on a rival. He loves competition, but hates losing. Simon would talk himself up; boast in his rival's face and try his best to talk down or sneer at them for even attempting to be on his level. And when that rival beats him? Oh boy, does he explode with jealousy and fury. He'll taunt, tease, and jeer at his rival. His rival may think Simon will do anything to win -- except one thing: cheat. If there's one thing Simon hates, it's winning unfairly. It's the one thing he won't compromise on.

Heck, if Simon gets upset enough, he may even attack the rival! However, this may be avoided if said rival returns this animosity with kindness or a level of understanding.

Simon is the runner-up in his family -- a lost cause, a lap dog, a try hard, etc. He's used to losing in everything, so he tries to prove himself in anything. If his rival -- someone he would view as an automatic enemy -- were able to level with him, he'd panic and lash out in his confusion. He doesn't understand how someone who is clearly better than him would understand how he feels and why he behaves the way he does. After realizing that though, Simon would became quiet with contemplation -- no taunting or glaring (okay maybe some glaring) but deep thinking.

Of course, when Simon asks about his rivals traits/skills after he cools down, he merely wants more data so he can take his rival down. Simon would sooner die than admit his weak points that need polishing that he definitely doesn't need his rival's insight on.

A sort of normalcy and calm will settle between the two. Simon is still harsh and rude, but he's not violent or verbally abusive. One could even say he's tentative friends with his rival -- although he'd never admit it. The more they learn about each, the closer they become. Simon doesn't even realize he has a crush until he's hit with the urge to be held by his rival; to hold their hand; to run a hand tenderly over their arm; to kiss their alluring lips.

It destroys him.

His crisis is...not pretty. What would his parents think? He can't possibly feel that way towards his enemy! Right?

Simon would shrink back. He would stop being as friendly -- talk less with them, don't smile, don't take their advice, snap at them to keep them away. If the rival pushes for answers -- catches Simon at a time when they're alone -- Simon would get defensive. He'd refuse to explain; possibly even physically shrink into himself. He doesn't want his friend to hate him...

Simon would do one of two things: he'd run or he'd take a leap of faith.

Simon is a paper man who tries his best not to crumble, but emotions have never been his strong suit...so I can see him doing both -- he'd kiss, then run in a blind panic.

Too scared to see the consequences of his actions...

[no-gorms]

If you were to to a Stony Villains AU, what kind of Villains would you make them? Basically the same but they “take it to far”, a more Joker-y unstable kind, literal monsters, a corrupted by an outside influence, fallen hero now villain or villain all along, etc?

And what kinda ship dynamics would you do? Villain/anti-hero? Something akin to you “Sociopaths in love” work? Mundane boring couple but also does murders?

Love your work! Love the way you characterize Tony and Steve.

----

Hmm I haven't really thought about it and I admit it isn't a trope I've read much of, but I think I'd be into a version where they're themselves but More, as in they've decided that the world is too messed up or too compromised for them to work within the system, and if someone has to make the difficult choices, then it'll be them. They both view the world through a distorted less of an extreme dystopia which isn't fair to reality, but that is what they see and they've internalized their justifications on why they do what they do.

Maybe for kicks, in this AU they both came to the same conclusion but separately, so they both become recurring villains of the Avengers (or the hero team has another name? The Thunderbolts?). Their MOs are so different that they go in very different circles, but they eventually notice the other and think to themselves, HMMM I like this guy's style. What if....?

And the day Iron Man and Nomad teamed up, the heroes of the world shuddered in terror.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello!

Do you have any tips to differentiate each enneagram of the super ego triad?

You can look at what they are each over-thinking about:

1 - rigid perfectionism, and the 'moral/right way to be,' also known as angry virtue (I don't want to be nice to you, but it's the Right Thing TM so I will)

2 - their relationships/status with other people (are we okay, do they like me, are they responding to me, am I giving them what they need, am I relevant to them, do they need me)

6 - I can't trust my own thinking about this; what do you think? what would you do? should I buy this top? can I look this up? what does this professor/teacher/expert say about this?

1s are more self-confident than 6s, 6s are more willing to compromise than 1s, 1s are less emotional than 2s, 2s are more forgiving than 1s, 2s are less affected by what others say than 6s, 6s are more cautious and analytical than 2s.

I try to pay attention to my inner monologue but I find enneagram difficult to work with, and the only thing I can accurately find in my self is that I am a super ego type.

I suggest you read my 1, 2, and 6 page carefully on funkymbti.com. The good and the bad. Then decide if you were this number, how would you 'fix yourself.' 1s judge themselves for being too critical and try to come up with more rules for themselves; 2s dismiss all negative things written about the 2, insist they are unselfish, and want to read the positive stuff instead, or continue giving; 6s would try and catch themselves over-thinking, by thinking about over-thinking and then thinking about that. ;)

My inter monologue is full of "I should this or that", mainly about things I would do to be perfect in certain regards (if I take on x hobby, I should go in for the total package and become the best version of what I could do). It's usually about my relationships, I am extremely guilt ridden, even when I don't get any reproach. Initially I thought I was a 2 or a  1, but I overthink a lot like a 6. The only way to make my head stop is to exercise. I have occasional anxiety about my future or the world's state (which ethnicity will go extinct because of low natality even if I won't see it while I am alive *if* it happens, climate change, requirements for my faculty). I don't usually have paranoia on a daily basis and I can find myself doing risky things.

If it's about your relationships, WHAT is it about? And why are you over-thinking your relationships. As a 6, are you afraid of losing that connection and losing guidance/support? As a 2, are you over-thinking because you want to win people over and are thinking about how to do it? How do you get someone's attention and why?

Have you done in-depth research into each type? What are the good and bad qualities of that type and do they line up with your life? Look back on a failed interaction or relationship or something you regret, and think about it in context of each number -- would one of them 'explain' what happened or why you sabotaged yourself? Did you project your insecurity onto someone and then accuse them of being out to get you like a 6? Did you 'invade' too much as a 2, and get told off for being 'controlling'? Were you so judgmental that someone quit talking to you? Dig deep.

[enneamage]

very interested to hear your thoughts on generation loss. it seems to have received a mixed reception among critblr which i didn't expect (I thought it would be solidly negative based on the creator)

apparently it had mixed reviews with boobera as well, but i feel like it was largely positive. or at least ranboo seems really happy with the reception

I feel like I went in bracing for the worst but hoping for the best. Ambitious livestreamed events kind of make me nervous because there’s a lot that can go wrong, and in the very faint history (years ago now nothing recent) I had of watching livestreamed in-person theatre-like content I found it tends to come out corny.

I understood genloss, but I was never really afraid. I think I described it in DMs as ‘spoopy’ when someone asked—it’s horror themed but it didn’t evoke the emotion of horror in me. I think I was looking at the wrist coming out of the metaphorical puppet too much for me to be fully immersed, I gave a lot of room to the pacing issues but as a live story things tended to flop around and lose momentum. I’m posting this before the super-duper-done founders cut on the main channel so there’s a chance that something will be done with all that stalling time, but recounting the streams themselves I had some mental and emotional tabbing out. I had fun, it was impressive in presentation and scale, but I can see why people got frustrated with all the hype that was around it—it was going to be very hard to live up to the emotional intensity Ranboo was bringing to the table when they talked about it.

I think the most important thing I can say about the first round of genloss (because if it is up to Ranboo this beast is not done and is only going to grow from here) is that it gave him practical experience in starting, working on and finishing a project. He needed to clear this hurdle, and the fact that the people he worked with have a good opinion of him as a project leader as well as the project itself is a happy ending to me.

I don’t think I’ve foreshadowed this before, but I was once friends with someone who had a very ambitious imagination and really bad follow-through when it came to getting things done. I started out with a lot of patience for it, but it went on for like a decade and eventually it came to me having to shake them down and confront them with the fact that they were self-sabotaging by putting the bar unreachably high when it came to the desired quality and scope of their projects. On a bad day Ranboo tends to remind me a bit too much of this person (wants to do a version of everything that catches their fancy, hours of pre-planning and explaining a plan in detail to anyone who will listen while the plan never really comes through, ect.) and I have to keep from transferring the frustration over onto them.

Ranboo had the connections and the money to bypass the ‘less can be more’ lesson, which is at least more realistic for their circumstances, but the all or nothing attitude still feels like a blind spot to me. There are some CCs who like to do projects without compromise and get away with it, but I guess the memory of my friend always reminds me that that’s survivor bias talking, so we’ll see if I’m being cautious over nothing. Genloss looks like a committed ongoing thing and the promise they keep making is that things are going to ‘get cooler’ from here, so time will tell how that unfolds with future generations.

[stormyoceans]

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you for all your "horny thoughts" about PuenTalay, they gave me life omg. I agree with everything you said. I'm so happy to see someone liking JimmySea and Vice Versa as they should be liked !

Now, I have a question about PuenTalay for you: what do you think was their sex life before meeting each other ? Like do you think they had idk experiences that were not that great, do you think one was a virgin ? etc...I'm really curious about your opinion.

One thing is sure: Puen is definitely obsessed with Talay and is deeply sexually attracted to him !

AAAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH, ANON!!!!!! it makes me so incredibly happy to know that you like and agree with my horny puentalay thoughts!!!!! and it's always really nice to meet other people who love vice versa and jimmysea as much as i do so HIIIIII FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO!!!!!

as for your question, i've actually been wondering about that for a while now and to help me reach a conclusion i made a little list of what we know about their personal life from the show (because that's always the version of vice versa im talking about), which looks more of less like this:

talay had a crush on a guy in high school but nothing came out of it;

talay says he is single by choice and that he isn't into love, but he does admit that, a long time ago, he has imagined the day he's gonna be in love. however, working and following his dream are his priority;

puen points out multiple times that he's good at everything except at love;

neither of them has ever been in a relationship.

based on this, on some other details, and on how i personally see the characters, i do think that both puen and talay had sex before meeting each other, but not a lot of it, and none of those experiences were particularly good as a whole. maybe it sounds a bit contradictory, but let's see if i can explain why i believe that

let's start with talay. at the beginning of the show talay is very much against love and doesn't seem too keen on physical touch ("i don't like to be hugged"). i also think he is someone who tends to overthink a lot and be very self aware, however all of this seems to change when he is drunk: suddenly all his inhibitions are lowered and not only he speaks his mind freely, but he also goes as far as kissing puen - someone who he's just met - twice. and maybe it's just me, but the way talay acted after waking up in the same bed with puen in episode 2 doesn't look like the reaction of someone who never woke up half naked in bed with a man before. all this to say that it's not hard for me to imagine him having had a couple of drunken one night stands in the past before deciding that love was distracting, sex was messy, and both of them could be put on hold while he tried to fulfill his dream of becoming a colorist

and then we have puen. thanks to pang, we know that puen started to work in the industry very young to support himself, and that mustn't have been the easiest environment to grow up in: he probably had to learn pretty soon to protect himself and his privacy, to be wary of people's motivations and not do anything to compromise his image. puen had a very hard and lonely life, so i think that sometimes, especially early on, when he was more naive, he accepted any kind of company that was offered to him, which mostly meant ending up in bed with some of his co-stars. however i feel like puen isn't the type of person who can do sex with no strings attached, so i can see him trying to build a relationship with the people he slept with only to be turned down every single time

i guess this is why i like talking about puen and talay having sex with each other, because in my head they finally get to do it with someone they love and that loves them in return!!!! finally it can be a joyful experience that makes them both feel good about themselves!!!! and you're definitely right, puen is deeply attracted to talay, but let's not forget that talay is just as attracted to puen, he is just (slightly) less deranged about it!!!!!

[ffffffftw]

this film is a masterpiece. it really made me cry watching the whole film. it made me realize a lot of things and taught a very enlightening lesson in life. i really admire mi-so and ha-eun friendship or bond. since they were a kid and especially when they grow up. tho there's something happened in their friendship ( bcs of that guy haha kidding ) it didn't make their friendship to break. plus, what makes their friendship so special is the unwavering support and understanding they provide for one another. despite of their own personal struggles and differences, mi-so and ha-eun are always there for each other, offering a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. they provide a safe space where they can be vulnerable and authentic, without fear of judgment or rejection. we witness the ups and downs of their lives, including heartbreak, career setbacks, and personal growth. butt through it all, their friendship remains a constant source of strength and solace. they celebrate each other's successes, console each other during difficult times, and push each other to become better versions of themselves. their friendship also highlights the importance of acceptance and forgiveness. mi-so and ha-eun have their fair share of disagreements and misunderstandings, but they always find a way to reconcile and move forward. they understand that friendships, like any relationship, require effort and compromise. their friendship showcases the power of unconditional love and support. they accept each other for who they are, flaws and all, and provide a safe haven where they can be their authentic selves. it would be really nice to have someone in our life that will always have our back and this film basically showed us that a soulmate can take any form in your life. it doesn't have to be your lover and in this case ( in the film ) it is a friend who know every single truth about the you, it's a someone who knows how to handle you, it's someone who make you feel seen and will always choose to stay with you no matter what. their portrayal shows that even the two person needed to go, to grow and live their lives separately, it doesn't mean knowing and loving that person less, but always being there for that person. plus i love ha-eun so much. i admire how she manage to be calm she is in every situation tho deep inside it makes her feel shjt. and how she act like naive but she actually know the whole truth, it's just that she just keep silent or she just keep it all to herself. and i somehow see myself on her, it's probably bcs she's kind of introverted and reserved, often unsure of herself and her abilities. just like her, i sometimes doubt my own worth or abilities nd i find it difficult to fully embrace my own potential. just like her, we both want to be like mi-so who manage to be free and wild, to do what ever she want. but anw, her character throughout the film is really inspiring since she learn how to overcome her insecurities and find her own path. it's just that it pains me so much when she died at the age of “27” haha. but as the core of this film, their bonds reminds me of the importance of having someone who understands us deeply and stands by our side, no matter what. their friendship serves as a reminder to cherish and nurture the relationships that bring joy, comfort, and understanding into our lives. this made me realize how many adventures i will go on before actually settling into adult life. the way mi-so did and the way ha-eun could if her life didn't end so unfortunately. the future is a actually scary but this is the reality of life and because of this film, i came to realize that if i truly believed in myself and is not afraid of what's to come in my life then it will definitely turn out to be an amazing story just like this one ( i hope ) or just make things more interesting i guess. and lastly, their bond as they are artist and the way that they draw each other especially when ha-eun draw mi-so is the unforgettable scene in the movie.

the acting and the cinematography is 💯