#a tv Show shouldnt affect me like this
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The day has arrived...
Madney is getting married...
WAIT!
MADNEY IS GETTING MARRIEDDDDD!!!!
#my heartbeat is literally so high#a tv Show shouldnt affect me like this#and i can just watch it tomorrow how do i survive#my favorite tv couple in whole history#i think im still gonna think about them in my 80s#madney wedding#chimney han#madney#maddie buckley#911#911 abc#kenneth choi#maddie buckley han#howard han#911 spoilers
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why do modern cartoons always talk about mental disorders in the most Safest Reading Off a Wikipedia Description way and never sounds like it belongs in the show-
#THIS IS NOT ME SAYING SHOWS SHOULDNT TALK ABT MENTAL DISORDERS#just saying that so certain mfs dont hound me over shit i didn’t ever say#it just bothers me that tv shows will be like 'WACKY LOONY TUNES ANTICS' with characters who clearly dont know how to spell 'orange'#and then suddenly in one episode 'umm (x) seems to have signs of attention deficit hyperactive disorder it is a mental disorder that affect#arthur and sesame street are the only shows i've seen discuss mental disorders without feeling like a mayoclinic article out of nowhere LOL
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i dont think sponge bob would be considered overstimulating?? cartoons for small kids nowadays are filled with weird unneeded sounds (like surprised gasps, angry grunting and such) and colors, every emotion is made way too clear as if children are too dumb and, moreover, shouldnt learn to read faces/voice tones of normal humans anyway. if you ever watch these cartoons they're annoying af and probably dont affect kids well, idk. sponge bob is fine in comparison i think🤷🏻
i definitely don’t think it’s overstimulating personally but i’ve seen a wave of videos from self proclaimed “crunchy moms” who Only want their kids to watch bluey if they even let them watch tv at all. their argument is that spongebob is too loud and hyperactive (yknow like a lot of children tend to be) and it’s def not new because growing up i had friends who weren’t allowed to watch spongebob and the reason was just straight up like “it’s annoying” which. sad! like yeah obviously if your kid is stressed out by certain shows, don’t turn it on for them. but just assuming that your child will be too fragile for a show that is literally written and catered for them, that millions of children over the course of like 2 decades have enjoyed, is very strange to me. there’s also something to be said for letting children form their own preferences. there were shows i DID find annoying as a kid and chose not to watch, and it was one of the first times i got to exercise choice and preference as a child. obv i’m preaching to the choir here but like my god your kid does not need to sit in silence all the time with their beige toys 😭
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pre existing dpdr and edibles.
to start- this is my personal experience im not saying what you should or shouldnt do.
first, i should say i usually have a good time after taking a gummy. i get giggly, a bit disoriented but light. i have dpdr, so i never really minded the 'not feeling real' aspect of gummies. thats my everyday and all the gummy does is make me not mind that feeling for once in my life. what im saying is ive taken gummies enough to know what to do and how to monitor myself.
so thats why i was super caught off guard when i had a bad trip last night. im not sure why. i took a gummy as i always do- even better considering i did it on a full stomach. everything was fine at first but soon enough i started panicking. everything felt like a dream or a memory, way worse than usual. like something you recall with gaps. like i was daydreaming a story i havent thought all the way through and keep skipping around. it was like blinking in and out of existence. it was as i normally feel but cranked up to an unbearable and terrifying level. i was hyperventilating, crying, and screamed some. i was constantly shaking throughout everything. my body was convulsing and my teeth were chattering, as i usually do when im dead tired. i am most sure i had multiple panic attacks- or one long one. i had to keep repeating i was awake and that everything was real. i was mortified that i did all this in front of people. still am. granted, i of course tried to separated myself from others when i realized what was happening. but unfortunately felt it best to have my sibling, whom i was visiting, monitor me- particularly if i was holding something, checking in on me when i had a door closed, etc. at the very beginning i had them try and hug me from the back to see if that would help, as i remembered from online- an attempt to calm the panicking person, articles ive read had said. it most certainly did not. apparently every other sense was imperative to helping me but touch from others was detrimental. could not stand it. but then again, i cant stand it normally so i should have guessed. im grateful that eating helped. it was a good sensory experience. brighter lights i also believed helped. watching tv and very intently trying to keep up with the show. anytime i put my head down and closed my eyes, effectively depriving me of sight and 'reality'- as distorted as it was- was unendurable. im still not sure if my usual issues with dpdr helped or worsened the experience. on one hand, it meant that i knew, on some level, that whatever i was feeling was indeed trickery and i knew how to attempt to ground myself with what i know how to. on the other, it was taunting me with the knowledge of how much worse my life could be- making me terrified it would never wear off because i already have dpdr. luckily, i got control of my breathing, crying, and screaming relatively soon enough. i could then talk and hold conversation. this is where i believe my everyday dpdr experience helped- i was equipped with the ability to ignore im not real. of course it would come back worse over and over again, but luckily i did not break down fully again- even if my composure wasnt fully there (crying, some shortness of breath. never fully lost though). after an hour or so, forgive me for my inability to recall the time, i eventually felt alright enough to cognitively brush my teeth, get into bed, and scroll pinterest while watching bobs burgers till i fell asleep. which, thankfully, came soon. i woke up with no ill affects, besides the carried over mortification. im mainly writing this down for my own good- so i remember or whatnot. i am alright and of sound enough mind today- but my dpdr has become a forefront in my mind. i will never take a gummy outside my own home again (and not for awhile, i should assume). i am still confused as to what could've happened to make it so bad, though, as i had taken one earlier this week, friday, and was perfectly fine and happy. i am quite frankly stumped. it doesnt matter now i suppose. i just wanted to let anyone else already dealing w dpdr who may be thinking of taking edibles that it really can go either way and you gotta weigh the pros and cons. cause imo, theyre quite extreme pros and cons
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I am the same Anon who wrote the death of an author comment. I am not saying that disliking Gamora's treatment is wrong, I very much agree that she hasnt been used to her full potential, and I agree this does affect people who see themselves in Gamora and the other characters. What I am saying is that, especially since Gunn is not working at Marvel again, we shouldnt take every single thing he says as a fact, especially if he didnt write it in the script, which something thats stands on its own without his commentary or tweets, Marvel owns the script...nothing else. Whether he thinks Gamora and Peter belong together or not, we shouldnt take that as a Marvel is never gonna get them together again and is 100% definite just because HE thinks so. I am not gonna get into the debate on if he means at this very moment or permanently, but Marvel can very much do whatever they want as long as it doesnt contradict what is being settled in stone in previous movies/tv shows, and nothing said in the movie nor written in the script works in against any of the ideas on whether she can be close to the guardians nor Peter again. If a director/writer wants to bring them back together and both Zoe and Chris are willing to return then it can happen because its not settled by a word in the writing that "they are never meant to be together", that is just Gunn's interpretation and, again, Marvel can very much go against that statement in the future if they wish to do so. This doesnt just apply to the romance part but also to the how she feels towards the guardians and ravagers as a whole. While it is obvious that she sees the ravagers as a family maybe one day it is stated that she sees guardians as an equal family of some sort, as an example. My point is that everybody is focusing a bit too much on what Gunn thinks/says in respect to the characters and the movie when he is not in charge anymore and Marvel couldnt give a shit on what he thinks outside of the movie itself.
but i've Been saying this is his personal interpretation of his open ending this whole time tho, not that gunn had any say in or control over the future of canon 😭 like i've literally been saying "this seems to be gunn's intention/interpretation and i disagree with it". where in that is me treating his word as canon 😭😭😭
further, if you read thru some of my older asks on this whole topic, i've also been saying (for weeks bc ppl seem to keep forgetting!!!) that i don't even think there's a future to even debate over bc the gotg are literally done. like contracts are up ppl are moving on like WE HAVE KNOWNNNN FOR YEARSSSSS that vol 3 was the end. like idk where y'all were during the vol 2/iw era of gotg fandom, but i remember talking abt the fact that vol 3 was gonna be the end all the way back then. WHY ARE WE STILL STUCK ON THIS 😭
just bc actors are "open to being asked back" doesn't mean it's gonna happen (and again they'll have to get in line cuz...just look at allllllllll the characters from phase 4 and onward who have yet to even cross over once yet), so i'm not commenting on the treatment of gamora or starmora etc as something that could or couldn't even change in the future bc personally, i don't even expect to see a future project with this particular gotg lineup in general, regardless, so literally none of my opinions on gunn's commentary are weighing his words as heavily as a decider of future canon. bc there is no future canon for him or anyone to decide for most of the characters. bc gotg is done lol
#esp now in the time of wga and now potentially sag striking which has delayed 10000000 other mcu projects like#bro the soonest we'd be seeing any of these gotg characters if we ever do is probably 5 years from now COME ONNN GUYSSSS#like what are they gonna bring back all the other avengers characters whose actors are done too like?????#madibox
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on today’s episode of do i have adhd or am i making things up
#like my school work hasn't really been affected unless you count my CHRONIC procrastination or having to constantly check when things are#due to be super duper sure of due dates#i have an essay due tomorrow as i write this#me: i'd like to watch a show/movie or maybe play this game#my brain: hm no#like the thought of actually sitting down and paying attention to a tv show shouldnt sound exhausting#like i always have to do doing something else!! like if im on my phone i loose track of time and just forget what i just watched#and there's games i'd love to play ya know??? but for some reason my brain is like; we dont have the will power to do that at this time#or anything i enjoy doing tbh#me: i'd like to write#my brain: do you? do you really?#me @ my brain: i used to be able to write so much in a short amount of time#my brain: not anymore :)#then i proceed to loose track of time in some tumblr tag#but like not super talkative unless im around friends ya know so hm
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Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)
That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!
-Kyoko’s Atonement: (the weight of words):
Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!
Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!
-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):
The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!
-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):
Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.
One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it. “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.
Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.
kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.
tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.
Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.
-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.
- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:
Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.
-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:
Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..
Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.
Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!
Side Notes:
I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.
The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.
NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<
I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.
Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!
Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!
“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!
Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.
Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.
Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!
I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.
Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.
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Video games (TikTok)
y/n films a tiktok of her trying to get peters attention while hes playing video games
pairing: peter x fem!reader
status: dating
y/n's pov
i was baking some cookies, folding the chocolate chips in the batter with a very hungry boyfriends beside me
"pete, stop undressing the food with your eyes" i teased, he flipped me around and started tickling me "PETE- RRR- . PUT M- D-WN, NOW!" i said between laughing, i jokingly tried to kick him but he was too strong.
"OK OK FINE" he laughs as well
"why dont you make yourself useful and roll the dough" i said, gesturing my hands to the empty pan
"ugh fiiiine" he grumbles, 10 minute later we successfully placed a decent amount of raw cookies in the oven "yayyy, now we can cuddddle" peter shouts in a kiddy voice, lifting me up again and leaves the gorgeously decorated kitchen
"PETERRRR" i squealed, laughing when he literally flopped onto the couch, peter wasted no time to grab me by my waist and land me on his lap, i was lying on the couch's arm rest, my back against it while im still on his lap,
"what do you wanna watch?" he plays with my hair "
"anything really- ooh wanna try watching a tv show instead?" i said my face full of excitement
"you just said anything but then you suggest something? and you say you're not complicated" he scoffed jokingly
"what? i just got the idea!" i replied to his offensive comment
"ok what about-"
"sorry to interrupt you peter, but ned is calling" karen suddenly interrupted which startled the both of us
"no problem karen" he said grabbing his phone from the coffee table, Mr Stark upgraded peters A.I not only to his suit, but to his phone as well like a few weeks ago so we're still trying to get used to karen being everywhere with us now
"hey man" peter answered
"hey pete"
"you're on speaker right now, by the way" peter warned
"heyyy biiiiitch" i said in a joking tone
"hiya biiiitch" ned replied causing us to all wheeze, inside jokes ;) "i was gonna see if you were free pete, but guess you're not right now" ned stated
"aww sorry man, its a friday you know that" fridays were always our day, whether we'd go on a date, or just hang out, maybe mess around on HQ. everyday after school we'd hangout all day maybe even sleep at one of our places and ned knew that but i guess he forgot.
"what were you gonna ask him though?" i said feeling bad, i was never the clingy type, clingy as in i wouldnt let him hang out with his friends or maybe not let him call if he was with me, we see eachother all week and sometimes weekend so i dont have to, and i dont like it
"the boys decided to play video games a second ago, so i wanted to ask him if he could join" and peters eyes lit up, but obviously tried to not to show it
its been a long time since the boys have played with eachother, everyone seemed to be busy with their own thing, ned with his extra hacking classes, peter with his spider duties and the avengers and the others have been busy as well
"o-oh" peter said trying to not sound disappointed "maybe next time then"
"no what do you mean next time? babe its been ages since you guys played!" i exclaimed
"but we were gonna watch a movie and eat cookies " he said feeling bad
"its fine, you can play with them, are you guys gonna hangout somewhere orrr?" i leaned into the phone asking ned
"oh no no its online so you could stay y/n don't go, i feel bad" ned spoke
"see? you dont even have to leave! unless you want to thats a totally different situa-" he cut me off with a kiss threading his fingers through my hair, i pulled him in closer tilting my side to deepen the kiss but he pulled away causing me to pouted, this literally been his weapon all the time now and i hate how he got that affect on me, he looked at apparently how 'cute i look when i pout' and kissed me again
"thats perfect actually, i feel better now"
"pete, you shouldnt feel bad for wanting to talk or play with your friends you know im not that type of person" i reassured him rubbing his head
"ok then" he gave in and i squealed, feel like im more excited than him! " BUT are you sure?" he checked
"yesss peter! yes *kiss* yes *kiss* yes *kiss* see?" he kissed me once again and said
"you're the best" and gently lifted me off his lap to go grab his controllers "im gonna go check on the cookies and prepare the next batch" i informed him leaving the living room
in 15 minutes, i took out the first batch, and placed the second, i looked over the kitchen door to see Peter looking attentively at the screen trying to contain his anger at the boys
"pete, i can basically see the smoke coming out of your ears let it out babe" i laughed going back to the kitchen to set the timer
"if you say s- NO DYLAN NOT YOUR FUCKING LEFT, MY LEFT. FOR FUCKS'SAKE" he sighed angrily
"LANGUAGE!" i teased looking back at him to see him turn around and cover his mike from the head set whispering "you've been spending way too much time with steve"
"what can i say? It's captain fucking America, i mean have you seen what the serum did to him oh AND bucky dont get me started on the man , hes such a baaaaabe" i said trying to edge him further, and I could tell it worked, he clenched his jaw tight.
but before he could do anything flash made a mistake in the game to which got his attention all over again his eyes widened and started screaming at the tv "TELL ME WHY YOU GUYS CONVINCED ME TO PLAY WITH THIS DUMBASS" he shouted clicking the poor buttons of his controller like his life depended on it, trying to save his team
I walked back to the kitchen laughing at how stupid these children are, while i was waiting for the cookies I scrolled through my photos app trying to find TikToks I saved to do later and came across a perfect one, it's about a girl walking to her boyfriend while he's playing videos games and see what his reaction will be, I found it pretty cute that he stopped the game so he could give her a hug and played again.
the girls face when she wanted to end the video melted my heart, I wanted to do it with Peter so I checked the oven again to see how much time I have left, 4 more minutes and its done. I walked to the living room again and acted like I wanted something from the tv stand but secretly I placed the phone there trying to hide it with a bunch of CD's and a plant
"NEDD, DUDE" peter shouted getting yelled at my ned telling him it wasnt his fault, "OK GUYS THATS GOOD THATS GOOD- oh hey bubba what are you doing?" peter switched his attention to me 'charging my phone'
"nothing babe just charging my phone" i said casually kissing his cheek on the way to the kitchen.
"oh ok, how are the cookies?" he asked, his voice echoing through the hallway
"just a few more minutes" i shouted back looking at the timer in the oven. a few minutes later the oven beeped and i took out the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, yum.
"its done!" i informed a busy peter thats almost about to win the game, i kinda felt bad about what im doing since hes too focused and he could lose all the hard work hes put in, but im also intrigued curious to know if he'll get mad or not.
i put the hot cookies on the rack letting it cool, and placing the ones from the first batch in a plate to the tray that had two glasses of milk ready to be served. i quietly tiptoed to the living room, putting the tray in the table beside the couch.
"PETER- PETER- WHERE ARE YOU?" i heard dylan scream from the headphones
"trying to save THIS DUMBASS, HE'S NOT HEALING" peter replied aggressively clicking the poor buttons again.
"hey pete" i whispered softly slowly playing with his hair still standing beside him so he can look at the tv and definitely not because of the camera
"hey" he looked up at me briefly a small smile spreading across his face, he looked at me again confused to why i did not leave like everytime. "c'mere" his voice was low trying to remain calm from the stressful game he was playing. he pulled me in, making me straddle his lap and he kissed my neck then rested his head on my shoulder, his arms were wrapped around me securely not planning on letting go anytime now. i smiled at his reaction "so the cookies done?" he asked cursing quietly from the mistake he made.
"yeah i just put them in the rack, got some from the first batch though" pointing at the tray beside him even though he cant see me.
"really?" he looked around to see the delicious cookies then spotted them. "didnt know you were gonna get some alread- FLASH" he suddenly shouted causing me to flinch from the sudden noise, peter noticed, obviously since i was practically koala holding him and his eyes widened i could feel his heart pounding out of his chest, throwing the controller to the side he properly hugged me and whispered "im so sorry, i didnt mean to scare you baby im so sorry" rocking us from side to side.
"its okay, it was just sudden" i laughed trying to ease his nerves, still hearing the guys screaming from his headset "you should probably get back to them babe, i swear its fine" i massaged his scalp
"no no, i scared you! and i shouldnt shout like that from a stupid game, plus this is our night. ive played enough" he shook his head, holding the mic "guys its been fun....for the most part but i gotta go" i could hear dylan, flash, and harry shouting but ned didnt, he said bye to the both of us actually and peter signed off, throwing the controller carelessly again and fell backwards to the couch so where lying down.
"thank you" i kissed cheek, nuzzling my head on his chest while he played with my hair holding me close
"anything for you" he whispered hugging me tighter and turning us around so his body hovered mine, prepping my face with kisses, i tried to make him stop my laughter echoing through the apartment and he did grabbing my waist for us to sit back on the couch taking the blanket from the floor and huffed taking the remote from the ground, such a baby. he was giddy smiling like a child ready for our night to start "now wheres the cookies"
have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!
- quacksonlover
#spiderman#peter parker x fem#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker#peter parker fluff#ned leeds#mcu#marvel#sony pictures#imagines#peter parker x reader#fluff#peter#parker#avengers
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#i kno i talk about this a lot but i just cannot. at all. handle sad movies/shows or w/e#and i really used to be able to#but now i'll read smth where the character dies or watch smth to that effect and i'll legitimately start sobbing#or just like. generally emotional things too that are less severe like the characters have the Inevitable Fall Out and they highlight#the characters emotional response#and its just so hard for me to see????#like i guess??? to some extent i understand why im like this#but at the same time i just dont know??? why??????#and i guess i think about this a lot because im constantly coming across pieces of media that i connect so heavily with#like the way that i get so obsessed with anything i might have a general interest in ykno#and i think about how if smth highly emotional happens in that show/book/whatever#then i might not be able to continue with something i love because i cant deal with myself#or confront whatever it is thats making me feel so heavily ykno#like i am compromised by my own empathy or whatever??????#and i guess thats common knowledge that cant really be changed#but i feel like this is on a bigger scale for me?? and its so silly to me#cause its JUST a tv show or its JUST a book and it shouldnt be making me feel this depressed#bcus after each time this happens i'll go through these episodes that last days ykno#where i'll keep thinking and thinking and thinking about just how SAD that thing was and how it somehow affected me almost personally for#some reason and thats not normal i think????#idk just Some Thoughts#personal
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When Calls the Heart Live Ramples
Season 8 episode 9 Pre Wedding Jitters
That scene in 👏Nathan's 👏office👏 The lines they wrote for Kevin *chef's kiss* perfection. I mean, I still dont like this whole secret reveal thing. I think it's so dumb. Like, ain't no way the writers intended Nathan to have this secret when he first came to the show. I don't think he was suppose to have any secret at all. I mean, this whole, 'There's something he's not telling me' thing came out of nowhere. That aside, the love confession was great, again, and he left Elizabeth speechless again and she ran away, AGAIN. That tells me all I need to know. She cannot deny this man BECAUSE SHE LOVES HIM. And if y'all think otherwise than you're delusional.
The game at the bachelorette party. It was obvious from the promo for this episode how this would play out. She reaches for Nathan's hands and thinks he's the one. (I was predicting that she would know it was Nathan and then feel uncomfortable and move on, but that didnt happen. She thought he was Lucas *bleh. Though I was still right in thinking Nathan would be 'the one' during this little game). We like that. I really liked how the party scene lasted longer than I expected. It wasnt even too long of a scene, but it was definitely long for When Calls the Heart. This show really needs to work on it's pacing. Everything happens so fast bc they have to cut to the millions of side plots that happen in every episode. My gosh, would they give us some focus please.
When Lucas came by Elizabeth's house in the morning I enjoyed that they interacted more casually with each other it seemed, at least it did on Elizabeth's part. Just through small details like the way she was casually leaning in the doorframe or her tone of voice. She wasnt so awkwardly polite...but Lucas still was. Lucas is so polite it's uncomfortable. Like I don't feel like anybody could just be themselves around him, bc it's like every meeting has this awkward air of being polite to an acquaintance you dont know well. Ugh it's so weird. I didnt like that Elizabeth told him Nathan's reveal. I feel she should have kept that to herself. Ugh and then Lucas wanted to act all protective and 'talk' to Nathan. Oh please. That is not his place. Elizabeth is obviously the one who needs to talk with Nathan and it's no one else's business what goes in between them, besides Allie of course. And speaking of Allie, I thought her scenes were really good and thoughtful. I still think it was weird that Lucas got her a gift for her adoption ceremony, but whatever we are past that now. I like that her character is being more mature about everything too. I really hope we get a scene where Allie and Elizabeth have their own conversation though. They need it. I'm not sure how I feel about that obvious Paul (Florence's son) having a crush on Allie. It seems that the writers will want them to like each other. I guess it could be cute? It's just a little awkward bc we havent seen this Paul kid around before so it creates a weird air that the only reason he shows up now is to be a school crush for Allie. Eh. Jaeda was great though and I think she did her scenes well.
After Lucas and E talked, I think it's obvious to Lucas that Elizabeth has strong feelings for Nathan and that she's just running away from them. I mean, she told Lucas that when Nathan told her he loves her all she could do was say nothing and just leave. *holds out arms and stares with a 'well, there you have it' expression'* IT DOESNT GET ANY CLEARER THAN THAT. I wonder if the writers will make Lucas step down bc he cant be with someone who will never love him. Idk how Lucas will react honestly, Lucas's character is such a mystery to me I could never know what he would do in a situation that didnt involve setting up a perfectly romantic date or sweet talking someone with an annoyingly, unrealistic, perfectly understanding polite response.
Elizabeth was also super rude to the people she cares about in this episode. The way she talked to Rosemary. First, she didnt like hearing what Rosemary had to say, which implies that she may have been blaming Nathan for Jack's death. That is such a horrible thing to hold against someone. I mean I could understand why she would feel that way but just for a moment. I mean she should understand how completely wrong and irrational that thought process is and that she shouldnt blame Nathan. TWO, then she had the nerve to tell Rosemary something like 'why would you think that comment would help me right now'. Wow Elizabeth. Gee, maybe she's saying the truth and she's also your friend and just trying to talk things through and give her opinion as a way to help you through your difficult situation. God forbid she doesnt say the perfect thing that you needed to hear at that time, she can't read your mind. I thought that was incredibly rude. It hurt to see Rosemary hurt. And then later she told her that she should leave her house. *SCOFF* man, she was really hitting Rosemary hard this episode. If I were in Rosemary's shoes, yes I would be hurt, but I think I would mostly be understanding of what Elizabeth might be going through and not take anything personally. E's lucky that Rose is such a good friend. OH! What Rosemary told Nathan in the library! She totally implied with her little metaphor comparison that Nathan was making Elizabeth unhappy by getting in the way of true love, i.e. Lucas and Elizabeth. I-- wow! Everyone is against this man. I'm so glad that Nathan stands firm. I mean he knows that Elizabeth feels strongly for him based off her reactions to his honesty with her and how she never denies anything and just runs away. I mean, it's plain as day. Let's not forget the *speechless gaze into each other's eyes* 'I can't' from Honestly, Elizabeth.
I think that's it regarding the love triangle. I absolutely despise the Faith and Carson relationship. And I cant believe they made him say, come with me to Baltimore and we can see in a year if we want to get married. That is so dumb. He just asked Faith to drop everything and leave her life in Hope Valley for a 'I might break up with you in a year' situation. Dumb. This is definitely out of character for Carson. It's obvious the writers are just trying to get rid of him and make him not be missed by the audience. They clearly want us to favor Faith, but she couldnt be more annoying honestly. I wish she were leaving and Carson would stay in Hope Valley. But whatever.
I dont like how every side plot seems to be about some couple's budding relationship. I mean aside from the love triangle, we have Florence and Ned, Molly and Bill, Clara and Jesse (though not a budding relationship, it's still all about their relationship) and now Rachel and Christopher and oh yes also Fiona and whoever that guy is and wow I'm still missing Faith and Carson. Thats 6 other romantic relationships in the show (not including the also important one of Rosemary and Lee) and I'm probably leaving one out. Oh yes, now possibly Allie and Paul. 7. Seven relationship side plots!!! Omg I'm going crazy!! They need to learn how to write some actual plot! What happened to town problems and family drama! Thank goodness we have Henry Gowen and his son (cant believe I just complimented that out of nowhere concept but hey) and the oil thing with Lucas and Henry, barely ever a plot line. This show needs better writing. There's no glue holding the town together and even when there is, it's so small or happens so fast that it doesnt have any long lasting and meaningful affect.
If I weren't so invested in Elizabeth's plotline and in need of some wholesome tv, I would have stopped watching a long time ago. Oh and the last thing. The mention of Abigail. I'm so glad Henry mentioned her because she was very important to him and his character growth. His character arc is one of the saving graces of the show and it needs to be given more attention.
Okay in short, Elizabeth was hecka rude, Nathan is wonderful and so was that office scene. We also stan Allie. Next week's episode also looks like a dud and I dont think much will happen.
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Heya! I just read the post from Marie and your response that got me interested. I was actually gonna post something similar to Marie asking whether Jimin likes Tae. Cuz let's be honest, if you look objectively, Tae likes Jimin, or judging by his song Scenery and Sweet Night he might even be in love with him. But when I observe Jimin I'm confused on whether he likes him back. I know they consider each other soulmates but what other proof shows that he likes V like that. He literally flirts with everyone so you cannot really use that as proof. Also, like Marie stated, if he liked V then wouldn't he slow down the flirting? Especially if he knows how V feels for him which i'm sure he does cuz there are moments when Jimin catches V staring at him in a not so platonic way. That being said, shouldnt Jimin be a bit more considerate of Tae's feelings if he really liked him back? V also seems like the jealous type with the way he responds to Jimin's flirting. I guess I do see some sort of progress from Jimin I guess in 2020 but idk. TBH vmin just looks like a one sided love. Either that or Jimin might like him back but like you said he is the type who needs a lot of love and affection. Although I know V feels deeply for Jimin I don't think that's his style. I do see V trying harder this year though. But idk, that's just how I see things.
Jimin is my bias so yeah I love him to bits so not tryna attack him or V. I see things pretty objectively too and out of all the ships based on what I've observed, vmin is the closest to actually being real only if the feelings are reciprocated. Love to hear your thoughts though. Thank you.
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Like I've always said, we keep judging people based on what we see outside. Based on the parts they choose to show to us and because of this, we already deduce people's feelings, thinking that Taehyung is in a one sided love because Jimin flirts with a lot of people and doesn't seem to notice Taehyung's feelings. I'm not going to say the reason why Jimin does this. I'm just going to attribute this to his natural behavior because I believe they are not dating and Jimin is free to flirt if he wants to but at the end of the day, he knows who his soulmate is and if I'm going to use what I see on camera, then I can show you that it isn't only Taehyung that looks at Jimin with love filled eyes. He does too.
There are several more of these but we don't see this because Vmin shippers aren't that much and many of them are actually lazy to highlight these things and even if we do, with time, people forget things. Many vminers are just content to see them having moments so hardly anyone makes analysis or looks deeper into things that's why we always see videos about Tae longing for Jimin or staring at him when he isn't looking but it's never the other way around. I will love to do that but I'm also quite lazy to do so and I'm not such a fan of making analysis based on what I see on TV. I'd rather make analysis based on my feelings and off camera interactions.
It's not as if Jimin's expressions aren't there, it's just that people don't look hard enough and also there's not enough people who actually care to look. If we actually rid ourselves of biasness, we will discover things we didn't expect. Unfortunately, the love we have for one particular member or one particular ship makes us unable to see that.
And I think him declaring Taehyung his soulmate is all the proof we need to show that he likes him. In fact, it's the highest proof. A soulmate is someone you share the deepest connection with. Someone who completely understands you when no one else does. Someone who will always stand by your side when no else is beside you. Someone who will love you unconditionally despite all your faults.
Unfortunately, because Vmin has been identified with this strong bonding word, many people have tried to downplay it making it look like it's really nothing when we all know, it's not so. No one calls another person their soulmate except you have a very strong bond with that person and you completely trust that person enough to call them that. You can't call someone your soulmate so randomly. Is it until they kiss people will take them seriously? (Cough. They will never do that)
They have expressed their emotions all in subtle ways. They have been there for each other, they are best friends, comforted each other during their trying times, (Jimin especially in public). Showed love for their individual projects (Jimin mostly). They have fought with each other and reconciled again. Jimin has said these words to Taehyung. 'i want to be your strength''i want to be with you even after we've become grandpas' They have mentioned their need to stay together even after the cheers have ended (even after BTS has disbanded), They wish to serve in the military together. They want to travel together but never quite get a chance according to them. They miss each other when they are apart. They especially hold hands every chance they get (It gets me every time) I don't know, what else do people want?
Everyone has their own opinions. However, this is mine and everyone is welcome to believe it or not. Thank you for this ask. Have a great day.
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Galaxy, silk, and film for the ask game!
So did you want me to ramble? cause this is how you get me to ramble!
Ok, let’s just start
Silk: UUUh this outfit like kills my brain in both ways because it SHOULDNT make me confident but it does, like i have a tiny black tank top shirt that has spaghetti straps and its really short and its like this like kinda fluffy texture? and it has lace on the chest area and its really cute, and i usually pair that with some high cut jeans and boots or black shoes with platform and look i dont like my arms but that outfit makes me feel like a BAD bitch
Film! mmmmh my favorite movie or my favorite tv show?? mmmh well my favorite TV show is Dark, its a german series and its reeeeallly good you should watch it. My favorite movie? Hocus pocus (i think thats what its called in english) i was in lovee with that movie as a kid
Galaxy: This is a difficult one, ive always been fascinated by a lot of things, mostly its been hyperfixations like growing up i was OBSESSED with dinasours, also i really like bartending?? like i want to do a course on it or something. But two topics that really fascinate me and i can never get enough of its: The ocean, and the human mind
I guess the ocean its self explanatory, like its SO MUCH WATER like how does it all stay there??? how deep does it go??? how did it get there?? how is it so much??? i love swimming and i love the beach and i love swimming where my feet dont touch the ground and even though drowning is scary as fuck i never seem to be afraid of it when im in the ocean and i feel kind off, like i want to swim further??? idk how to explain it rlly i just really like it and enjoy being around all type of water bodies
and well the human mind is soooo interesting like how do we work? how much does our upbringing affect how we interact with people and view the world like obviously a lot but HOW much like how much do the little off-hand comments that we dont even remember affect us on our day to day basis, like does nature even exist or is it all nurture? does NURTURE even exist? it most likely does. But how much of our behavior is shaped by whats around us? how is the mind of someone who grew up in poverty compared to the mind of someone who was born rich? i want to know EVERYTHING about the human mind!!!
i also like animals a lot, especially farm animals but ive never actually been to a farm??? maybe thats just city girl dreaming of me lmao
but yea im between being a psychologist and a veterinarian,,,, maybe if life allows it ill study both!!! but well have to see
i hope you enjoyed my ramblings
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Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!
LETS DO THIS
99 gay-ish asks
how tall are you?5 SOMETHING
what is your body type?SLENDERMAN
what is your favorite part about your body?THE T
is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES
are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY
are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH
are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE
wine mom or vodka aunt?NO
weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR
favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL
do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR
ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON
are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES
have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO
do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART
have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY
favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM
last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND
behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD
favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER
meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION
reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS
who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS
what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT
have you ever taken narcotics?NO
have you had sex?NO
have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES
worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS
describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME
describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT
give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD
how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH
what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK
what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE
what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF
have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL
something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM
last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD
what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT
do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY
who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU
the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO
are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.
are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES
i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING
describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH
do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO
first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS
how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.
been rejected by a crush?YES
have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES
would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO
is trust a big issue for you?YES
did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO
is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE
what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW
would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP
does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT
ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION
do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS
worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM
three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH
who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME
favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND
who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING
intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND
what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY
do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES
are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT
who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL
do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY
is your crush wlw?IDK
last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY
write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU
do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE
is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.
are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO
are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.
what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS
fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE
tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD
hugs or kisses?HUGS
twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE
tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH
hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK
play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR
making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT
hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST
how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT
when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL
have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES
how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE
most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER
do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM
what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY
when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE
what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE
ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY
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i will be mad af if d3 or any of the novelizations of the series downplay uma and harrys friendship/relationship. it is clear as day that they are best friends (at least!). the narrative shouldnt be altered bc some people can't separate their personal and professional lives or because some people like to insert their actors personal lives into the plot unnecessarily. ive seen it happen on tv shows and its infuriating. but whats more is uma is right but they wont say that bc mals the fav 🙄
Hi Anon! Thanks for the ask! I’m gonna split it up so I can organize my thoughts if that’s okay :)
i will be mad af if d3 or any of the novelizations of the series downplay uma and harrys friendship/relationship. it is clear as day that they are best friends (at least!).
SAME FAM! The Rise of the Isle of the Lost did a phenomenal job capturing the essence of their relationship as very flirty friends that never cross any boundaries but at the same time have no boundaries. In the first two books, they establish trust as a rare thing on the Isle. Even Mal and Jay couldn’t call each other friends, they were partners and competitors. Uma trusts Harry enough to call him her friend AND her second-in-command, a leader should she fall. And Harry is the son of Captain Hook. He could associate with any of those pirate kids, but he chooses to stick by the least popular vk on the Isle (I mean, ngl Uma was lowest of the low for like 6 years). He doesn’t care. Uma’s his FRIEND, and I feel like the third movie and the fourth book could either emphasize it or completely ignore it. I hope it’s the former.
the narrative shouldnt be altered bc some people can’t separate their personal and professional lives or because some people like to insert their actors personal lives into the plot unnecessarily. ive seen it happen on tv shows and its infuriating.
You’re right, THIS IS IRRITATING! The first examples that come to mind are, ironically, Liv and Maddie and The Lodge. I PERSONALLY thought that Josh was preferable to Diggie in the whole Maddie situation, in chemistry and general consistency of him being there. Yet she ended up with Diggie (whose actor Dove was with at the time). As for the Lodge, I guess they just needed a way to off Sean, but did they have to make it a love-pentagon that no one asked for by throwing Jess into the mix?
Now, I’m not saying that this an exclusively-Dove-related issue. Hell, look at Riverdale! Varchie breaks up and Veggie gets together, while Camila and Charles start dating around the same time. The difference between this situation and the whole Marry deal is that, despite Riverdale’s questionable writing, they made the Veggie plotline work! Like they grew as friends and partners, and then became lovers. Marry makes no sense. Mal x Harry wouldn’t even be any more than a crack ship if it weren’t for the fact that the actors are dating irl. It’s just kinda offputting how popular this ship is despite two movies of build-up to promote Bal. (There is also some blatant Uma hate when people ship both Bal and Marry but say Huma can’t happen bc of Dove and Thomas).
but whats more is uma is right but they wont say that bc mals the fav 🙄
Yep, she is indeed the main character, so she ends up being seen as the winner, the most powerful, and she who can do no wrong. Hell, younger kids might just like her bc they’re fav color is purple! Truly though, Uma is right. BEN EVEN SAID IT AND EVIE ACTED ON IT, yet Mal was in denial the whole time. Part of me takes comfort in knowing Uma’s legacy would be affecting the royal decision to bring more VKs over (as we know will happen in D3), but I still hate knowing that Uma probably won’t be given the due credit she deserves. She’ll likely go in the Auradon History Books as a villain, which really sucks.
But hey, Disney could surprise with a happy ending for everyone!
Thanks for the fun ask!
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I don't want a title, but if you'd like one here it is
I wander if yelling into the void might help me shift this never ending sadness.
I shouldnt be sad. I should be in top of the world. Yet that couldnt be further from the truth.
Every TV show or film youve ever watch always ends with the love interests getting together and living a dreamy life. Its hollywood, its not real. Its just a part of the narrative to get you invested. You shouldnt compare your life to this fantasy. Its not real.
Ok. So what are you supposed to compare your life too?
I seem to be surrounded by never-ending stories of love, attraction, affection and connection. People on TV finding those that wish to fuck them at the first oppurtunity. Movies based around enitrely fanciful stories in which some protagonist -pitched far lower than in reality on the attractiveness scale - SOMEHOW end up the with the beautiful woman despite all feasible sensibilities. Friends and colleagues meeting partners for any connection whatsoever despite minimal effort or consequence.
Fuck. The. Lot. Of. You.
You can tell me to be patient, that something will come for me eventually. That life has a funny way of working itself out. That you just need to go out and do it. Whatever the FUCK thats supposed to mean.
The funny thing is, in every narrative, i am in the perfect place to attract a partner. I am a TV personality. Im the lead guitarist in a rock band. I live in a cool flat in the UKs capital. I should feel confident enough to meet anyone I might like or want to get to know better.
Except that makes me feel like the worlds worst person.
Even thinking that my life or anything going on in it would be worth a shit to any woman makes me feel embarrased and ashamed. Regardless of whether thats true, the evidence presented before me only proves im right to feel this way.
Its like I said. According to TV, to film, to my friends, meeting people is easy. Meeting people happens naturally. You fall into situations where relationships can start. Love flourishes because you end up in a situation where thats clear. Where you feel you can take that next step. Where they want that next step too.
I think the worst part of all of this is not the fact ive spent so long without intamacy, or anyone to make me feel like im worth a damn. Its that no one else ive met - including those whove struggled with mental health like I have - have been in this situation. Youre always told that theres people with you supporting you. Theres others who empathise with how you feel. Or people around you who understand what its like to feel the way you feel.
Im still waiting for that person.
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I Take Your Heart On Tour with Me (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)
A/N: I have been playing around the idea of writing a fic about how it would looks like if you actually date a celebrity or even worse an idol. It must be hard to date someone who isnt always around and is well know internationally, having millions other girls showing affection towards your loved one isnt it? Then the first two requests came in and I decided to combined it. Hope this fic will do justice to what I actually want to potray <3
And as for the third ask, I was really literally writing this last night when your request came in. Seriously, I'm shooked. Are you three anon the same perrson or are you just good at reading each others mind? :D
And to everyone out there who is in a long distance relationship and survives, you guys are my hero! I cant bare to be away even for a day from my significant other. Hahah.
MASTERLIST
"Happy birthday baby," Taehyung smiles at her. His beautiful unique smile that she loves so much. That she missed. Y/N wish she could touch his face, traced and feel the warmth of his skin against hers, inhaling his scent and hearing his laugh as his warm breath tickle her ears. She wished for that every day and she hopes that it will come true. Maybe some day it will. But for now, seeing Taehyung through the frosty screen of her computer is good enough.
"Thankyou baby," Y/N smiles although tears has already visited the corner of her eyes.
"What did you wish for baby?" Taehyung asks her, a sad smile grazing his face as he saw the love of his life being so sad on her special day. He wishes he was there. To hold her, touch her, hug her, kiss her, make love to her. He missed her more than any words could have ever explained.
"I... I wish that you are right here with me. Thats all I ever really wanted," Y/N sniffled and smile softly at the screen. Taehyung raised a hand and traced the screen of his laptop, wishing he was touching her soft skin instead.
"I'm really sorry baby. I cant be there with you. But you know I wanted that too more than anything in this world. I miss you too much Y/N. I love you," Taehyung looks at her, his usually piercing eyes turns soft.
"I know Tae and its okay. One day we will be together again," she smiles, not wanting to upset her beloved boyfriend. "And I miss you so so so much and I love you very much too Kim Taehyung,"
Taehyung smile at her declaration of love. He will never get tired of listening to it.
"I know you are sad I'm not there with you on your special day baby, but I did sent you your gifts. It should arrive any day now. So I hope it will make up for me not being there, even for a little bit,"
"Thanks baby. I will definitely let you know when it arrives. And no, nothing could ever compare to you Tae, no matter how many things you sent me,"
"Aww baby. I'm so sorry," he dropped his gaze, sad. "I need to go baby. We have sound check before the concert. I love you so much. I will call you after the show like always okay. Take care baby," Taehyung leans and kiss the camera, making Y/N giggles and he waves quickly before the screen goes blank.
This is how her relationship with Kim Taehyung is. Most of their relationships are made on texts, phone calls, video calls and Skype. But its okay, because they love each other too much. Its their fourth year of being together, and its also their fourth year of not being able to celebrate each other's birthday together. While Taehyung gets to celebrate his birthday with his brothers and his million fans all over the world, Y/N will wait patiently every year on this day for him to call and wish her, all from a computer screen.
Meeting and falling in love with Taehyung is never something she could have ever imagined would ever happened to her. Sure, she have heard of their band before, but she never dwell deep into them. Who they are, how they looks like. She just doesnt have the time. Being a medical student, Y/N is always busy. But its also because shes a medical student that fate brought her and Taehyung together. They met in a hospital one fateful day, when Y/N was covering a shift for her friend who suddenly had an emergency that day. Having a practical internship at a hospital is a part of her course as a medical student, and her day has never been more interesting than the day she saw Taehyung helping a limping Namjoon entering the hospital in panic.
Y/N was the first person he saw that looks like a doctor and he screamed at her to help his hyung without knowing that the hospital is a teaching hospital and shes only a student doctor who isnt allow to act on patients without a senior doctor. Panicking and almost crying from being yelled at so harshly by Taehyung, Y/N help to carry Namjoon to an emlty bed and examined him on her own, only to find out that that the older boy is only suffering from a crack toe, a result of being clumsy and accidentally kicked the dinner table, something that Y/N now knows happens a little too many times.
Y/N was in trouble with her supervisor that day. Not only she didnt informed any of her supervisors and work on a patient all by her own, she didnt even know that the members are considered VIP patients at the hospital and was supposed to be given the VIP treatment. After witnessing himself how Y/N gets yelled at because she helped Namjoon on her own due to his excessove anger and yelling, Taehyung felt guilty and tried his best to make up for it.
Friendly visits and apology dinners turns to friendship and in a matter of weeks, Taehyung and Y/N falls in love.
Its hard for the two of them, yes. Taehyung is barely in Seoul, flying all over the world, each trip taking him months. Even when he's home his schedule is extremely pack. And as a medical student approaching her final years, Y/N has to managed between hospital duty and extra early classes, assignments, exams and even research and presentations, and their schedule often clashes. They miss each other a lot, the love and the short memories that they have of each other are the only thing that keeps them holding on to one another.
Its hard to see someone you love and miss on TV, smiling and waving, holding hands and flirting with a million screaming girls. Y/N knows they are only his fan, but still, it hurts. Even worse when their relationship is not even public, making Taehyung single and available as far as everyone in the world knows. It hurts so much, but its the price to pay for dating someone amazing like Taehyung who always knows how to make her smile even from a million miles away.
Whenever they did get the chance to see each other however, the feeling she felt in her chest is magical, amazing and extraordinary, and thats how Y/N knows that Taehyung is worth fighting for. And she hopes Taehyung feels the same way too.
Every last goodbye, every kiss they shared before Taehyung had to hopped into a plane and leave her again hurts, not knowing when will be the next time they will see each other again. But just from the smile Taehyung gave her every time before he leaves makes her believe that Taehyung will come back to her again.
/////
"Who is she?!"
"Baby, I already told you shes just the actress for our music video," Taehyung sighed. Fighting over video calls is something both of them hate. Its tiring, exhausting, disappointing and it never ends. They tried to avoid it as much as they can, always convincing one another to believe in each other and wait until they will see each other again to solve it. But whats long distance relationship without the fights and jealousy right? And just like every other couple, the green eyes monster appeared once in a while to haunt them.
"Oh yeah? Then why are you looking so smug while you wipe off the ice cream from her lips huh? And that is definitely not a part of the video!" Y/N is furious. She came back after a 48 hours long shift to rest and relax only to find the news is littered with stories and photos of her boyfriend out on an ice cream date with an actress from their video. A oretty one too, looking at him with heart eyes. Of course the internet is going crazy, shipping the two good looking couple together, hoping the ship is real.
"Okay baby. I wont lie to you," Taehyung raised his eyes and looks at her through the screen. Eyes tired and sad. "We have gotten closer and I was just so lonely..."
"What?" Y/N looks at him straight in the eyes. What is Taehyung trying to tell her? "T-Tae.. are you trying to tell me that you really did cheat on me?!".
"What?!" Taehyung leans in closer to the screen, trying to see his beloved girl teary eyes. "Baby no! Of course not! I would never do that to you,"
"T-Then what are you trying to say?"
"I-" Taehyung sighed. "I-It occured to ny mind baby... I was so lonely and I missed you so much and she was just there and seems so interested in me.. and cheating on you just occured in my mind. But I didnt do it baby! I didnt do anything about it! I didnt a t on my feelings!"
"W-What?" Tears starts to flow down her face as her heart felt pain that is new and unbearable to her. How could Taehyung even thought of doing this to her? How could he?
"Baby, please stop crying. I'm sorry baby. I'm really sorry," Taehyung himself is crying now. He knows he didnt actually cheat but what he did is just as worse. How could he even think of that when he already have the most perfect girl in the world waiting for him? Sacrificing all her chances of being in a normal relationship for someone like him. And him? At the first chance he gets, he already thinks about cheating on her? He is really a jerk who dont deserve her. "Baby, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I know that. I shouldnt even have thought of that. It shouldnt even have crossed my mind. My loneliness gets too me but I suddenly remembered you. And how you must be just as lonely and sad like I do and its all my fault for not able to be with you all the time, but yet you never thought of shitty things like me. I am so sorry baby, please," Taehyung traced the screen, wanting so much to hug her, kiss her tears away and hold her until she believes that he truly loves her and only her and he wont ever do it again. But for now, all he can do is looks at the love of his life crying through a screen, all because of him, a thousand miles away. "Baby please... I didnt do anything about it baby, please.l," Taehyung begged.
"So just because you managed to hold yourself back this time I'm supposed to congratulate you?" Y/N sobs
"I- I cant do this. I need time to think,"
"Baby dont!" Taehyung panics. Never in their years of relationship has Y/N ever shut him out or needed space from him. He knows he screwed up real bad now. He still have 4 months to go for this tour and there is no way he can wait 4 months to sort this out. He will lose Y/N for sure. "P-Please baby. Ill do anything. Lets talk this out. Now. Dont log off. Dont shut me out please. Y/N baby please!"
"I cant Tae. I'm sorry," and the screen went blank.
"Fuckkkk!" Taehyung yelled out and pushed his laptop off the table in frustration. The loud noise it made caused Jimin to rushed into the room only to see Taehyung in a distressed state.
"Tae? What happened?"
"I fucked up Chim," Taehyung sat sprawled on the floor, everything scattered around him. "I think I will lose her forever and I cant have that,"
"Oh Tae..." Jimin didnt know what else to say. He figured it must have something to do with Y/N and the rumor flying around about Taehyung and the actress. So he sits down beside his best friend and hugs him tight, rubbing his back in comfort, listening to Taehyung's cries all night long.
/////
Its been three weeks now since Y/N didnt allow him to contact her and Taehyung is going crazy. His schedule passed by him like a dream, fanmeets, shoots, practices and performances but he cant remember a thing. All he can think about is Y/N's tear stained face everytime he closes his eyes. How can he be so stupid?
Its already bad enough to be in a long distance relationship where they are apart more than they will ever be together. Trust is already always an issues for couple suffering from long distance relationship, and with what he did, Y/N has every right more than ever to not trust him now.
Scrolling through her social media is the only thing he can do when he miss her, and even that she didnt update often. He miss her. He wants to know whats shes been up to, how shes doing, hows her day, did she sleep well? Eat well? Is she stressed out? What about her patients today? Taehyung wants to know everything and he misses the way Y/N would tell it to him every day during their calls. So if stalking her social media is the only way to do it, then he will gladly do it.
"Urgh, she doesnt even update!" Taehyung grumbled in frustration.
"Have you checked her tagged photos? Someone might tagged her so you could see her recent activities," Jungkook voiced out from the other bed, not even bothering to look up from his phone. Taehyung thought for a moment and silently thank the maknae for his brilliant idea. Hopeful, he opened the tagged photos tab and true to Jungkook's words, there are a tons of pictures of Y/N's recent activities.
Y/N with her friends in school, in their scrubs, having dinner, a birthday party and so on. She looks alright, Taehyung figured as he looks closely at beautiful her face. A little thinner and her smile is not so bright like it usually does and it her eyes definitely doesnr have the twnkle it usually holds. Does she perhaps missed him too? Thinks about him too? Just as much as he is?
I'm so sorry baby...
Taehyung scrolled further and a few photos caught his attention. Its still a photo of Y/N with a bunch of friends but theres a specific guy who is always by her side and in some photos even putting his arm around her. That bastard even captioned the photos with sickeningly sweet words.
What the hell? Dont he know that Y/N is his?
Wait, obviously he doesnt know because Taehyung didnt allow Y/N to tell anyone about their relationship. Y/N is as good as a single girl in other men's eyes! Curious and feeling his heartbeat is getting faster wuth anxiousness, Taehyung clicked on the man's profile and learnt that the man is a doctor at her hospital and he obviously have a crush on Y/N. It irks Taehyung how he doesnt even hide the crush he has on his girl!
Sinister thoughts starts to enter Taehyung's mind. Words he didnt want to believe whispering in his ears. Did Y/N found his replacement? A better man? A nicer man? Someone who will always be around for her instead of travelling all over the world for most of the year? Someone who she can tell everyone about their relationship? Someone that is a doctor? A more noble job than he will ever be as an idol?
Someone that is not him?
Is that why she is so content about not contacting him for three whole weeks when Taehyung is practically dying over here?
Guilt and sadness starts to be replaced with anger and frustration and deep down Taehyung knows he shouldnt feel this way. He should talk aboit it and ask her, not jump into conclusions. He should trust that Y/N wouldnt so that and never assume. This is how long distance relationship goes to die; assuming the worse of each other, thinking about things that never actually happened, but the pictures and captions keeps playing in his mind, making Taehyung believe Y/N did forget about him and that man is the main reason.
Well, Taehyung sighed, anger and vengence slowly seeping through his vein, if she wants to cut all communication with him, then he can do it too.
/////
Y/N tossed and turned on her bed. Something shes been doing every night ever since her fight with Taehyung. She misses him beyond anything anyond could ever comprehend. She miss his voice, his laugh, the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about things that excites him, his childishness, his beautiful smile and most of all, the warmth in his eyes when he told her he loves her.
If Taehyung thinks she can bare with being apart from him for weeks, not hearing anything from him for weeks, then he is dead wrong. There was just so many times she wanted to click on the button and call him. To just say sorry and forget everything that has happened. But her heart hurt too much. How could Taehyung even thought about cheating on her? Yeah, he didnt, but he still thought about it. Doesnt that just means he will soon enough? Doesnt that mean he will if he is given a chance?
Y/N thought about it every single day for the three whole week they are apart. She went out with friends, try to live her daily life as normal as possible, not wanting people to see how upset she was. No one knows shes dating Kim Taehyung anyway, so what is she supposed to say if people asks her why shes so down? So she pretends to be happy, and every night when she came home, her pillows will be the only thing her tears can confide into. She thought about her relationship with Taehyung. Can the relationship still be saved if they fight for it? Worked for it? Maybe it cant? Maybe its already broken beyond repair? All the memories she shared with Taehyung, even though theres not many, it brings smiles to her face and happiness to heart, and thats how she knows that its all worth it. Their relationship is worth it and shes going to fight for him.
"T-Tae?"
"What do you want?" Taehyung's voice tone is cold, something he never used with her for all the years they have been together, and Y/N is scared. What happened to him for the past three weeks? Is he okay?
"I-I'm ready to talk about what happened. Can we talk?" Y/N held onto her phone tight, her knuckles turned white as she waits for Taehyung's answer. After a few seconds of silence, he laugh.
Taehyung laughed. Like what she said is the biggest joke he has ever enconuter.
"Oh so thats how its going to be huh? You talk when you are ready? And when you dont want to you just ran off to someone else?!" Taehyung's tone is menacing and sarcastic and it hurts her so much to hear it. She misses him and this is not the kind of conversation she thought they would have. This is not her Taehyung.
"T-Tae! Its not like that! I-I just need time to process what happened okay? I was hurt. I'm sorry I shut you out. But I'm ready now. Can we talk? Please? I miss you Tae," Y/N tried to explain, her voice small, hoping Taehyung could really hear the pain and longing in her voice. "And what do you mean by running off to someone else? You know I would never do that to you,"
"Miss me?" Taehyung scoffed and lets our a sarcastic laugh. "Are you sure about that? Why dont you just go with that guy whos been entertaining you for the last three weeks?"
"Tae! What are you even talking about?! You know you are the only one for me!" Y/N cried out, confused and scared of what he is saying. Why is Taehyung accusing her of things she never did?
"Yeah? Guess what, you are not the only one for me. In fact, you are not for me at all," Was Taehyung's answer. The answer that crushed her heart, her hope and all her beliefs.
And the line went dead.
The phone slipped out from Y/N's hand, crashing to the floor. Years. They have overcome everything for years. Everything that heads their way, every bullshit thats gets thrown to them, they faced it together. Their relationship is strong, something Y/N has always been proud of... but she guess its all a lie then. Taehyung has never been like this. They always, always, works things out no matter what. But there was never an issue that involved another woman before... maybe thats what change this time.
As Y/N collapsed on the floor, her legs no longer has the strength to stand, she finally realized.
Kim Taehyung has finally found someone else. Kim Taehyung has finally stop loving her. And its the worst feeling she could have imagined she would feel.
/////
All hope that its all in her head and Taehyung will come around are lost when just two days later, stories and images of Taehyung kissing the same actress he went on an ice cream date woth circulated in the news. So, it must be true then. That is why he said what he said.
Y/N might be a doctor, but this is the first time she understands how a heart really breaks.
Blinking back the tears, Y/N hold the pen in her hand tightly, the tip poise on the dotted line. The dotted line that will take her away from this hell once she signed her name. She has been contemplating the offer for months now, not wanting to be even further away from Taehyung than she already is, but what is there left to fight for if Taehyung himself has simply forgotten about her and move on?
Taking a deep breath, Y/N finally signed the contract and send it off.
No regrets Y/N. Lets start fresh without Kim Taehyung.
/////
"Wait, are you and Y/N even broken up? Whats with the kissing?!" Jimin shoved his phone in front of Taehyung's face, the b News article clear on the screen, confused as hell. What happened between them?
"I dont know,"
"You dont know?" Jimin looks at him funny. "You dont fucking know if you two are broken up but you shoved your tounge down her throat anyway? And even get it photographed?!"
"Shut up Jimin! I-I dont know okay!" Taehyung yelled and throw his phone across the wall, breaking it in the process. What have he done? Did he really want to break up with Y/N? No, he doesnt! He never did. No matter how angry he is, breaking up with Y/N was never an option. Its a big mistake. He was sad and angry and the girl is just there. God, what has he done? How could he do this to Y/N? His precious, beautiful angel Y/N?
"Well, if hyung dont know then, he sure knows now. There is no way in hell Y/N didnt think they have broken up once she saw those pictures," Jungkook chimed in, before quickly exiting when Jimin shot him a warning glare. At the maknae's word Taehyung finally got hit with a realization.
He truly has lost Y/N for good.
And theres nothing he can do about it.
/////
"So, I think all your fans wants to know, have any of you ever dated before?" The emcee asks, making the fans in the audience squeals. As usual, all the members will give out smiles and answer no, including Taehyung. Just another interview, another show and another same old question.
"Theres just one thing that I think everyone wants to know. If you were dating, do you think a long distance relationship will work? This type of relationship itself is already a challenge, but especially when you as an idol is so busy! What do you think?"
The members starts to sneak glances at Taehyung, all knowing about the recent incident that happened between him and Y/N. Although they try to be discreet, the emcee seems to noticed and smild.
"Oh, it seems like the members are all looking at V? Is he the best in relationship advice between the members?" The emcee turns to look at him. "So what do you think V? Want to share your thoughts?"
Taehyung smiles as he remembered the time he had with Y/N, all the good times. As if he didnt unofficially announced to her that he cheated by kissing someone else. As if he didnt break her heart. As if he didnt know the broken status of their relationship right now.
"Long distance relationship is already hard as it is," he smiles. "I respect those who managed to get through it. Especially busy ones,"
"So, what do you think is the key to maintain a relationship like that?" The emcee inquires. Taehyung took a moment before answering, the good and the bad moments of his own relationship flashes by in his mind "Is it trust?"
"Personally, I think the most important thing is love. Yes, love. I think it plays a bigger part than trust,"
"Oh?" The emcee looks at him, intrigued by his answer. "Most people who answers this will usually say trust. Its because they said jealousy and miscommunications are the number one reason long distance couple breaks up. Its not often somebody will answer love. Can you explain more V?"
"Well," he smiles, eyes twinkling, the good old days he had with Y/N plays back in his head. "I admit. Jealousy and misscommunication does play a big part. But look at it this way, when you truly love someone so much, trust just comes hand in hand. You will feel jealous, yes. But when you love her too much, you will give her time to explain. You wpukd want to listen to her, because when you love her enough, how could you even think about ending it? Whatever the reasob may be? So theres no room for that isnt it?" He looks straight at the emcee. "You know love? That feeling you have when you see that someone smile. Like everything bad in your life will be okay, will be beautiful again. You dont have to do anything but just stay beside her and thats enough for you. When you see her cry, you will feel the need to protect her, chase away her sadness. You dont feel alone, you wont feel weak because that someone will always supports you no matter what. You could be extremely busy, but you will always find time for her because you want to listen to her day and you also want to tell her about yours. When you feel like this about someone, how can distance, space, jealousy and misscommunication breaks what you have? So yes, its love. If you love someone enough, theres no distance or space in the world that could separates you," Taehyung finishes with a smile and the rest of the boys and the audience are in awe. They never thought Taehyung could feel that way. And the boys know exactly who Taehyung is talking about.
"Wow! It seems like our V has been in love before! Or better yet, is in love?" The emcee grins at him, trying to see his reaction. "The rumor thats been floating around about you and the actress must be true then? Especialy with the kiss. Awwww. She must be the one you are thinking about hmm?" The emcee smile warmly at him and Taehyung immediately frowned. All he can think about is Y/N. Y/N is the only one who could make him feel everything he just mentioned. The only one he would do the things he just mentioned for.
"No. I was talking about-"
"V is always so thoughtful. This is just his opinion on how long distance relationship for idols should be like," Namjoon cut him off and sent him a look that means not another word from him and the leader will handle the rest. Taehyung kept quiet for the rest of the interview, letting Namjoon takes over before he slipped out somerhing stupid again and his mind spins, remembering everything that he said. He slumped in his seat. Its too late anyway. Who is he kidding? Long distance relationship and an idol will never be a good combination. Never have and never will. Maybe thats the reason so many idol arent allowed to date. To save them from heartbreaks... The interview for the show ends with a mini fanmeet session, signing autograph and smiling for photos. Taehyung puts on his best smile and is doing his obligatory responsibility when a girl about his age stands in front of him, passing him her album to be signed.
"Thank you for what you said Taehyung," Taehyung looks up from the album to the fan who is smiling at him.
"You are welcome. But for what?" He titlted his head, confused to what she is implying.
"For what you said regarding the long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I almost calls it quits but after listening to you, I think I want to fight for him. For our relationship. I mean, if an idol can do it, why cant I right? And if we cant work it out, just like you said, it just means we are not in love enough with each other then. And if we dont, whats the point of being together in the first place right?" She smiles and bowed to him before moving on to the next member.
What that particular fan said to him stuck in his head for the whole day. She was right. If Taehyung lets Y/N go now, it just means that he never really love her in the first place. And Taehyung knows he does.
He loves Y/N.
Y/N who always waits for his call no matter how exhausted she is after a 48 hours shift. Y/N who gets along well with his friends. Who accepted his conditions on dating him. Who loves him for his quirky ways and not because hes some idol. Who thinks he is the best when hes at his worse. Y/N who never fail to supports him, love him, no matter how much he hurts her.
Taehyung is madly, deeply in love with her. And he needs to fight for her now and show her he loves her before he loose her forever.
"Go to her Tae," As if he is reading his mind, Jimin suddenly quiped in. Taehyung turns to look at his friend.
"I want to Chim. But how? We have 3 more months left of this tour," Taehyung looks to the floor. Running out of ideas of what to do.
"You will loose her if you wait Tae," Jimin walked over and pat his back. Taehyung fell silent, his gaze on the ground, knowing the truth to Jimin's words. "So thats why I already bought you a ticket. Your flight leave in 8 hours. Go Kim Taehyung. Get your girl and your happiness back!"
Taehyung has always been a good boy. Obidient and and not a rule breaker, but as he makes his way to the airport, breaking all rules and contracts, for the first time in his life, he doesnt care. Because he knows, no matter what will happen to him later, at the end of the day, if he still have Y/N's love and support, he will be okay.
He needs to fight for her. He needs to feel all the things she makes him feel again. And Y/N is the only one who could give him those feelings, always and forever.
Once landed, Taehyung rushed out from the gate, not bothering to care about the people around him abd in his haste, he accidentally bumped into someone.
"Y/N?!" His eyes are wide open. How could this be? Is he dreaming right now? But her scent filled his nose and her skin thats touching him feel so warm that he knows its real.
"T-Taehyung?!" Y/N is just as shocked. Taehyung was not supposed to be back for another three months. She looks around and noticed something odd. "W-Wheres everyone else? Wheres your manager? Wheres your mask?!"
Taehyung doesnt care and grab her hand, making Y/N panics as people has start to notice that Kim Taehyung is in their mix.
"What are you doing? People doesnt know that we are together. I-I mean were together," she stuttered, eyes darting around, concious of people who are staring at them.
"No baby. I am still yours," he took her hands and kissed it, fluttering her heart. "Y/N I'm sorry. You have every right to be mad at me for even thinking about cheating. And what I said after that... thats not true. None of it were. You are always the one for me. The only one for me. No matter what happens, I will always choose you baby," he looks at her, who have her mouth wide open in shocked. "I'm sorry I let jealousy ruined us. We were so strong. Distance and space used to have nothing on us but I let them get the best of me. I'm sorry I kissed that girl. You can punish me in every possible way you can think of baby. I will willingly take it all. I will do everything it takes to make it up to you, as long as you are still mine,"
Y/N was dumbfounded.
"I-I dont know what to say. T-Tae, I didnt know that we still have a chance. I thought you are really over me,"
Taehyung shakes his head.
"Over you? That would never happen baby. Not in this lifetime. Or the next for that matter. Or ever," he chuckles. "Say you will give me a chance baby. You dont have to forgive me right now, you dont even have to forgive me ever, but please... give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you,"
"Tae.. I-"
"Wait. Where are you even going?" Taehyung just remembered where they were and how Y/N is holding her passport and having a carry on luggage with her. She is obviously on her way to board a plane. His heart suddenly filled with panic, palms turned sweaty.
"I-I'm going away as a part of a medical team... in a far away place... to help the poor and the sick..."
"W-What? H-How long baby?"
"A year, minimum,"
"A year?! And you didnt think to tell me this when we were together?!" Taehyung was shocked. This is too much to take in right now. How can she not discuss this with him first.
"I-I never planned to accept it while we were together. I dont want to be further away from you than I already is... but I figured you have forgotten about me and moved on. So I finally decide to do something for myself instead of always doing things for the relationship,"
What Y/N said hits home. Its true. Y/N is always the one who sacrifice everything for their relationship, and Taehyung will soaked it all up, thinking he deserves it just because he is a hardworking idol. He forgots sometimes that what Y/N do is so much noble and harder than what he will ever be able to do. She saves live on the daily, sacrificing time and energy for other people who sometimes cant even say one word of thanks, and she still accepted a selfish boyfriend like him. Taehyung is selfish, and he realizes it now.
He needs to let her go and maybe someday she will come back to him.
Through teary eyes Taehyung smile. "You are an angel baby. And I'm sorry I'm always clipping your wings down. This time I'm setting you free. Go Y/N. Go and live your life. For your own happiness, for what you really want this time," he smiles at her, causing Y/N to cry too. "I love you. I love you so much," he tucked her stray hair behind her ears, cupping her face. "I love you and I'm sorry. But I promise you I will wait for you. All these years you have been waiting for me as I spread my wings, cheering me on from the ground, always smiling, never once tried to bring me down. You are selfless and incredible, and its because of you that our relationship is even able to last this long. This time.... I'll be the one that going to be cheering you on. Spread your wings and fly baby and when you come back, I will still be here,"
"Y-You promise?" Y/N sobs, her shoulders shaking. Can she do this? Now that Taehyung is back, right in front of her eyes, can she be strong and leave him? For herself? Taehyung smile through wet eyes as tears rolls down his cheeks and nodded.
"I will. Because," he takes his hand and place it on her heart, "no matter where you are or where I'll be, you will always brings my heart here..." he tapped her chest where her heart supposed to be with her hand, "with you. I gave you my heart Y/N, and you have never given it back. Take care of it," he smiles warmly at her. Y/N continues to cry, hugging his hand close to her heart.
"A-And you Taehyung, you have my heart too. Forever an always, its only yours," she sobbed.
"And I'll carry your heart on tour with me baby, or wherever else I will go," he smiles and laugh. "I love you L/N Y/N,"
"I love you Kim Taehyung,"
Taehyung cups her face and leans in, kissing her with everything that he has. She might be leaving now, but he is sure she will come back to him. Afterall, he has her heart and she needs to get it back someday.
2 Years Later
"Tae! Go and open the door! It must be the pizza!" Namjoon yelled from his room. Taehyung takes quick steps towards the door, he himself being hungry after a whole day of practice. Its been two years since he last heard from Y/N, but he saw her on the news occasionally, helping people who needs it, and he couldnt be more proud to say that thats his girl. He has made an official statement after the photos of him and Y/N at the airport are released. He admits thats hes is on love, long distance relationship almost gets to him and he is currently waiting for his angel to come back from saving the world. They might not be communicating with each other,and they are a million miles apart, but Taehyung firmly believes that their feelings for each other remains the same. He is not even a bit worried. Not at all.
Taehyung opens the door, expecting the pizza man with a stack of delicious hot pizza but he gets the shocked of his life instead.
"Hi. I'm looking for Kim Taehyung," she smiles. "I think he left his heart with me and I need to tell him that its still under a good care,"
And that smile she gave him is forever going to be the most beautiful smile Taehyung will ever see.
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