#a tag which is used so rarely anymore I'm ashamed

[sleepyowlwrites]

writer positivity tag

a tablet engraved in a language I don't know from @365runesoftheamalgamations

What motivates you to write?

literally anything. overall, it's because I have the stories in my head and they're taking up brain space! I need to get them out! and it's fun! and in the moment to moment of it, it's that one singular idea or emotion that was tumblr through my brain spaces and I really want to capture it in THIS story, with THESE characters. so I do that. I like taking things that I couldn't previous convert from wispy colors and spiky feelings into sentences that can impact people, whether in such a way that it makes them giggle or it sucker punches them or whatever. I like to do the thing. and! bonus for me, 'cause at this point, after all these years, I'm really good at it. so that helps.

A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not, maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them):

there's not a thing I'm most proud of. I keep improving, you know, so I keep writing things I'm newly most proud of. but then also, I'm still really, really proud of things that I don't think are that well written anymore, but that represent something for me, some part of who I was or what I was going through. I don't know about "most" but, here's something.

a sketch, bold lines, chromatic (2021)

do you want a self-portrait? I can give you one.

my heart is here, on my sleeve, right next to my elbow. I keep it in a plastic bag so it doesn’t get wet, but you can see it. it’s real, and pulsing, and the love can come out of it just fine. love is not tangible, you see, unless it has already left the heart in which case I can put it in my hands and lay them on your cheeks and then it is very tangible in so far as you will allow yourself to feel it.

I wear my shoes with the laces double knotted and I rarely untie them. I slip them on for work and kick them off when I get home. they fall haphazardly by the door, but they are by the door, kept, not lost, and are ready for use when I need them.

my hair is large around my head until I tie it back, but it curls as it will and I let it, because that is what my hair does. it is mine, and I intend to keep it, no matter what color it is or if it’s only half-braided because I slept on my side. my freckles go away in the winter, but I don’t miss them because I know they’ll return. there’s a small scar beside my eye. it shows more when I’m tired, and it hangs there like a mark on the moon and I’m not ashamed of it. it does not say that I am shadowed, it just means that I fell down as a child.

I drape myself in the colors I like, not the colors I think I appear to be. others will see me and hear me and decide what I am, and I like that I am more than shades of purple to the people outside of my head. I am purple to me, and that’s the most important, but if you see me as yellow and it makes you smile then I accept it with honor, I wear it like a pin beside my chest cavity, a souvenir for when I’m sleeping and my heart has crawled back home.

I can go on. but I know you’re not listening, or seeing, either. I hold out my arm so that my heart beats directly in front of yours and yet you are empty and walled and distant. I can wait outside for you but if you won’t open the door I can’t force my way in. and I won’t try, either.

I wear my heart on my sleeve but it’s up to you to choose to see.

Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them, and what are they like?

I have too many ocs for this, but here's my main guys:

R - dramatic, flirtatious lad, always on the verge of self-destruction until someone pulls him back by needing him. he's 17 and lives like it, one quip at a time. his heart is large and melty, and he just wants to be good, and is learning how to put in the work.

Jet - angry, tired, needing something to live for but unwilling to find it himself. he'll punch all your demons before confronting his own and finds too much exultant delight in the act. he doesn't want to experience emotions but he'll do it for you. and maybe, maybe for himself, as a result.

Nyks - sunshine child. delight of everyone's lives. he's lost his memory and his family but he has friends who love him. is always in need of cuddles and always gets them. encourager extraordinaire. a guardian angel, a baby.

(all my ocs can be found through a handy link in my pinned post if you wanted to hear me talk about some girls, maybe)

What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

draft 0. just writing whatever story comes out first and running with it. is it coherent? is it linear? is it on track to end? who knows! finding out is part of the fun! it's so enjoyable that I spend all my time here.

What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

dialogue is an easy answer. but also setting the tone, showcasing a particular dynamic in a short amount of time, and summarizing a very specific vibe or emotion with one pointed metaphor or paragraph. I do sensory emotion really well, and create whole atmospheres in just a few lines. maybe I don't mention where the heck the characters are but you definitely know what they're feeling (or what the pov is, anyway)

What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

having friends! that I don't even just talk about writing with. we have random and strange and wonderful conversations about anything and develop inside jokes and I adopt a lot of them. it's great! and also I love tag games. I'm so slow about doing them because I am *rolls eyes* advancing in years and it takes so much more energy to do stuff *rolls eyes again* but I love them. I hoard them.

A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

scrivener is the best thing. I literally just updated to version 3 today and it's cleaner and smoother. I used onenote all through high school and beyond but then I just stopped? something about it didn't click with me anymore but I needed something with organization. I refuse to write in word or googledocs. so three? years ago I bought myself scrivener for my birthday and it's been amazing.

I do also keep a writing journal (I say journal very loosely) and sometimes bring it with me places and there's all kinds of random thoughts and snatches of scenes and what have you in there. I used to never write by hand because it's so slow, but my brain has changed a bit over the years and now I can write up to like, 4k by hand before I just can't anymore. I usually just do between 400-900 words though.

A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law, etc)

I love that the kids in Youth Story have superpower for literally no reason. I just stuck them in there and they just have them. it turns the slice of life into slice of surreal life and I love it.

and I love the cities in my stories. Sinderport and Rasterpool are the only ones with names at the moment but I have a bunch and they all have character and layouts in my head and specific attributes like being on a river or the gangs or the street slang. for being not a city person I really like to write about them.

and I love the magic in Guild Story. it's unwieldy and tricky and doesn't just "solve problems" and also I just love the three guild houses. they just came to me! and I was like "really, the ya x of x format" but c'mon. House of Favors sounds cool. anyway I gotta write more of this wip it's really interesting.

Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

Maybe Sorcery @akindofmagictoo Ember @ashen-crest (buy her books! so good!) Ghosty @zmwrites Idea @oh-no-another-idea Breezy @blind-the-winds Celadon @abalonetea (buy books!) Klaus @kaiusvnoir Klove @klywrites Rainstorm @avrablake Moonink @drippingmoon Stars Books @vellichor-virgo Cozy @ink-fireplace-coffee Glowstick @ellatholmes Ren-rill-ren @ren-c-leyn Rarity @uraniumwriting Sounding @diphthongsfordays Ocelot @ambiguouspuzuma Bender @writing-is-a-martial-art Tangerine @the-orangeauthor and everybody else on the nickname list

but also I love all of my Sleepyheads.

^people feel free to do the tag, and anybody else who sees this, and also maybe @crypticcodexcreations @thegreatobsesso @sarahlizziewrites @thetruearchmagos @sam-glade

[everybodyknows-everybodydies]

hoh my gosh I just realized Knight tagged me in a thing literally over an entire month ago and I never did it bc I’m a moron so uhh here we go I guess

LAST LINE MEME

last lines of 5 of your fics (favorite/most recent/whatever) & tag 5 writers

1. Ami sat down again, not really knowing what she meant and not liking the feeling, and took the brush. -look at me i’m a sea (the summary I have on AO3 is just “in which Michiru is enigmatic and Ami overthinks things - so really, business as usual” and that’s... pretty much it tbh. EXCEPT IT’S NOT A SHIPPY THING IT IS NOT ROMANTIC I SAID SO IN THE TAGS BUT I THINK I STILL ACCIDENTALLY MISLED SOMEONE WHO COMMENTED ON IT AND I FEEL REALLY BAD SO IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR HOT WATER LESBIAN ACTION THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS IS AT ALL YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED)

2. “It doesn’t matter. Are you going to help, or did you really want me to go fetch my new trowel?” -many years from forgetting (a drabble prompt from that one time you guys gave me prompts and I spit out drabbles all night - I REALLY liked this one but it’s also laced with undertones of “Mouse doesn’t really agree with a lot of popular fanon views of characters” so take that as you will :’) )

3. Usagi looked up at the frantic sound of bells, and she went to talk to her mother. -Across the Western Ocean I Must Wander (MAKOAMI PIRATE AU, AKA ONE OF THE MOST SELF-INDULGENT THINGS EVER and also both my first foray into SM fic and first actual long fic in... many years. seriously. I am both proud of and embarrassed by it RIP. honestly I would do a whoooole lot differently if I were writing it now but since it was a good fun project that kept me enthusiastic and happy about my own stuff for ~4 months total and I was/am a Mess in the throes of The Disorder I won’t fault past me for being wobbly in places even though I’m never rereading the first like two chapters ever again bc I just scream internally the whole time)

4. Moonlight crept over the floor by her window, and the Lady Amalthea slept and dreamed and drowned whatever her mind might have conjured in a unicorn’s memories, and there was nothing else. -the prison of my person, the shackles of my skin (TLU fic exploring the divide between the unicorn and Amalthea, largely introspective; kind of old but I think it’s held up pretty well personally)

5. Mako turned around. -every now and then I fall apart (another thing from the drabble prompts which makes me LAUGH HYSTERICALLY every time I think about it because. gosh dang. what a MYSTERIOUS anon. I listened to so many covers of Total Eclipse of the Heart to find one that made me go “yes, this is how Rei and Mina would sing this at Usagi and Mamoru’s wedding, perfect” and I can’t even regret it, they were all amazing and I did in fact find that perfect one.)

TAGGING SOME PEOPLE WHO I KNOW WRITE THINGS (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER) usual disclaimers of “don’t feel obligated” apply as always: @the-ships-to-rule-them-all (you can do original stuff too if you want!!! :D), @brideoffunkenstein, @misscorday, @onaperduamedee (I think it’s been a while since you three posted writing but what you write is TOP QUALITY good stuff good stuff), @paksenarrion-reader (aslfhoweifh I think you only know me from my art blog (wouldntyoulichentoknow) I apologize if the random tag is alarming I JUST LOVE YOUR WRITING)

[myloversgone]

Drabble - Prepped and ready

Warnings: SMUT! +18. NSFW. Language.

A/N: Well, apparently, Mr. Ackles set up a thirst trap and I fell right into it. I'M SORRY I'M WEAK, OK? So, here's another RPF (yes, another one of those I said I'd never write) inspired by today's "events".

-------------------

He was sitting at the table, after breakfast, scrolling through his phone, while you were leaning against the kitchen counter, checking your own Instagram account.

“Oh, look”.

“What?”, you asked when he pointed at his phone and motioned for you to come check it.

“Some pictures from last year. Remember I was stuck up in Toronto?”

“Yeah. It sucked, you being away for so long”, you replied, standing beside him and placing one hand on his shoulder.

He lifted the phone for you to see it better. The first picture was a selfie, showing his long beard and hair. He looked ruggedly handsome, but it was the second one that mad you gasp.

Even though the full beard and long hair hid most of his beautiful face, you could still see he was half-smiling on the photo. He was shirtless, his massive shoulders and arms on display. His creamy, soft skin was dusted with freckles, and you’ve never seen his pecs so defined. There was a thin layer of sweat covering the skin, giving it a glow and enhancing his huge muscles.

“Fuck, you were ripped!”, you exclaimed, feeling that familiar tingle of arousal in your lower belly, the same you felt everytime you saw him shirtless.

He chuckled. “Yeah, I had nothing to do, the city was on lockdown, so I just worked out. A lot”.

“Gosh, I hate Covid for not letting me be with you when you looked like that”, you confessed, your head spinning with naughty ideas.

“Well”, he got up, circling your waist with one arm and dragging you back to the counter “we had great phone sex while I looked like that. ‘Sides, who says I can’t do now what I couldn't back then?”. He kissed you then, pushing you against the furniture, coaxing you to open your mouth and shoving his tongue inside. His hand went to your breast, squeezing it. You had to hold onto his bicep, your legs immediately turning into mush under his ministrations. 

Holding you from the back of your thighs, he easily placed you on top of the counter, like you weighted nothing, proving how strong he was, even without all those muscles.

“Shit, Jay”, you moaned when his hot mouth descended to your neck. “Wonder how hard you would’ve fuck me when you were jacked up like that”, you provoked, knowing very well you were challenging him, urging him to keep going.

“And you think I can’t fuck you hard just ‘cause I’m not that muscular anymore?”, he asked, his hand now going between your legs, fingers pressing against your center just in the right place. “You think I don’t know how wet you get for me?”. With that question, he deftly unbuttoned your jeans, shoving a large inside your panties and feeling exactly how wet you already were, which was a lot.

“Oh, God”, you breathed, barely capable of forming words. “Please, Jay”.

“Please what?”, he teased, working his fingers through your folds, his calloused, thick digits feeling amazing inside you.

“Fuck me, please”.

“Oh, you begging now? Want me to fuck you ‘til you can’t walk? Wanna feel me for days, huh?” He was whispering into your ear, making sure his hot breath formed goosebumps on your sensitive skin. “Wanna see what I can do to you?”. He grabbed your hand and placed it on his bulge, showing you how hard he was. 

“Yes, baby, please, please, please”, you were whining, not even ashamed of how needy you sounded.

He used your own hand to pull his cock from his sweats, and you moaned again with the feeling of his girth on your palm, wanting so badly to be stretched by it.

“Get ready then, darlin’“.

THE END

------------------

I don't have a taglist for Jensen fics 'cause I rarely write them, so I'm tagging the people who are in my Dean fics taglist. Hope you guys don't mind!

@sexyvixen7 , @candy-coated-misery0731 , @dean-winchester-lover99 , @thoughts-and-funnies , @avanatural , @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior , @eevvvaa .

[lossie92]

The issue of rape in fiction

(Alternatively called: How not to write about problematic and sensitive topics if you don’t want to end up looking like an A-class douchebag)

Alright. So here I am taking a break and then something of course comes up that makes me want to write a post. One could say I should leave it alone if it bothers me so much and pretend I didn’t see it. After all, I do think I have said my piece. At ]the same time though this is something I have seen so.many.fucking.times that I feel like it needs to be addressed one way or another by someone and that someone may as well be me.

The thing I’m talking about? Rape in fiction. What I'm going to dive into applies to other sensitive content as well, of course, but I will be using rape as the prime example of this issue, because the mishandling of this particular subject is what prompted me to write this post.

As I will be going in depth into this subject matter, the content of this post might be triggering to people, so treat this as your warning. If discussion of rape is in any way a trigger or a squick for you, feel free to skip this post.

Also, this is not meant to be a call out post. That being said, if you feel called out by anything I wrote, it might be worth reevaluating some things, hmm?

For those who are intimidated by long posts like this: there is a tl;dr at the end if you don’t want to read the entire thing.

-

I have spoken a few fair times before that I am a firm believer of the “live and let live” motto. It has rarely ever failed me. Still, there are some subjects that I personally believe should be handled with extra care in fandom spaces and the problematic subjects that ring true for the real world fall into this category for sure. These would include things such as abuse (domestic or otherwise), torture, murder, violence in general, cheating, death, grief, alcoholism and other forms of substance abuse... And, of course, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape.

I do understand the appeal of for e.g. writing about these and, what’s more, I have written about those subjects myself. In fact, some of my most popular stories involve the discussion of them in one way or another. One of those fics I have actually recently deleted, because in retrospect I regret writing and posting it. I honestly hated that fic and all it stood for, and did not want it to be associated with me or my content anymore.

I would like to say here that I’m not a master of handling difficult subjects, but what I can say is that I try my best to keep my readers comfy and safe by tagging my stuff, putting up warnings in my notes, and being mindful of how the stuff I write could be interpreted. It requires some self-awareness and self-critique, I guess, but it is worth it, in my opinion.

Why, you may ask? 

Well, in this specific case, because sexual violence in all its many terrible forms is a subject that is mishandled in real life all the time, to put it mildly. It is one of the most common crimes to go on unreported as well and the perpetrators are rarely ever caught or receive any punishment for what they’ve done.

It is also a very, very triggering subject, because guess what? It happens all the fucking time. In fact, I bet you know at least one person who has been harrassed, assaulted, or raped. You may not be aware of that, but that’s the sad reality we all live in. As mentioned above, sexual violence happens all around us and it mostly goes unreported, because people are afraid of ridicule upon reporting it (this applies especially to male-presenting victims who are routinely told they should be happy someone did it to them, which is beyond disgusting and makes no freaking sense to me besides), because they feel ashamed of the fact it happened or are made to feel ashamed, because they had been taught that “things like this just happen” and that “you should just accept it” and that “it’s all your fault anyway for being xyz, doing xyz, wearing xyz”.

To see this type of shitty narrative in fiction? To see it excused time and again as some sort of headcanon, because the creator thinks it’s fine to say “oh the character wanted it anyway, so it’s not really rape” when 1) the audience have pointed out that they feel triggered by what the creator has put out and consider it rape, and 2) the context of the narrative and the way it was presented makes it read as rape, is beyond baffling to me.

I don’t think you are aware of it, but your bodily responses do not equal consent in any way, shape, or form. So if you moan, groan, get wet, orgasm, show any outward superficial sign of enjoyment, but you have never given your consent, it still counts as rape. It is still assault. It is still wrong. It is still not “good sex” as I have seen some people say, which I will maybe refrain from commenting on.

On that note, if you are intent on creating content about consensual rape/non-con play (and yes, these terms are interchangeable, because, let’s be honest, it’s the same thing), guess what? There needs to be consent - explicit one too, ideally - and there also needs to be established trust between the characters. They should have had a conversation about this at some point too. Otherwise, yes, it is rape. It’s one character forcing themselves on the other. No matter how the other character may rationalize it, if they were not interested in a sexual act and were forced into it and then made to endure it, especially if you write them as dissociating (which I’ve seen happen before too many times to count) on top of that or explain their enjoyment of the act in a way that reads like a bunch of excuses that rape victims use (such as “I can deal with it”, “I can enjoy it”, “I should enjoy it”, “it feels good, so it must be okay”, etc.), then it is rape.

The character who plays the victim in this type of scenario should also know without doubt that the person playing the aggressor will stop if they say no or use whatever other safe word/gesture/etc. was agreed on. People often go into a sexual fantasy of that kind expecting it to feel good, but end up panicking during the play and there needs to be trust enough for them to know their partner will end the play immediately upon noticing their distress. 

If the partner continues despite noticing the panic? It’s rape. If the victim says no or uses a safe word/gesture/etc., and the other person goes on? It’s rape. If they change their mind for any reason whatsoever and the other party doesn’t stop despite that? It’s rape. 

It’s simple as that. 

Really.

Also, if you want the fic to read more dubious consent, there should be a shift where it goes from the character enduring the situation to clearly finding enjoyment in it. It is usually done by the character urging the other on, saying “yes” (you know, because some consent is required in this scenario?), pulling them closer, or reciprocating during the act by touching, kissing, and bringing the other party pleasure in turn.

Then and only then, really, it would count as dubious consent. Why is it dubious in this case? Well, glad you asked. Because people who are in the middle of a sexual act in such a scenario are not really able to fully consent. It could still be considered coercion, manipulation, a result of a fear tactic used by the aggressor... Many, many different things that could make it rape or non-con just as easily. This is what makes it dubious. The lines are blurred, the consent is not explicit or clear.

I would also like to point out here, dear people of the internet, that I do not care what you headcanon. You do you and all that shit, but you also cannot convince me that rape and rape culture being a normal part of any universe is something that should be a headcanon in any way, shape, or form and, what’s more, left willfully untagged and warning-less for anyone to stumble upon. 

Which is another fucking thing. Please, for the love of all that’s holy in this thrice-be-damned world, tag your fucking shit. Not doing it is incredibly selfish and tone deaf, especially when you then go on to defend yourself with the same rhetoric that is being used to routinely discredit and shame rape victims all over the world. 

Hate to break it to you, buddy, but you are contributing to the problem big time by doing that and it’s not okay.

And yes, one could say “but Lossie, isn’t it putting too much responsibility on the content creator to expect this of them?” to which I say “fuck no”. 

People in fandom, in most cases, take no responsibility for the shit they put out. None whatsoever. They create stuff, put it out there, and don’t give a fuck what it will do or how it will affect other people. Put your big person panties on and be mature for a moment here, please, because I don’t know about you, but I would feel very shitty about myself if I learnt that something I created and left untagged has triggered someone, caused them to experience a panic attack or a flashback, made them cry because of past trauma, maybe even traumatized them, etc.

Then again, maybe it is just me.

Or maybe not, considering how many movies, books, songs, etc. get banned and taken down all over the world for being terribly insensitive and triggering for no apparent reason and with no warnings.

Also, if you tag shit and people still decide to interact with the content, and then get triggered, it is an entirely different thing too. That’s on the audience. They have been warned and they decided to ignore that warning. 

When you leave stuff untagged and warning-free, and this happens, however? Then I’m sorry so say that, but it is on you. YOU did it. YOU made someone feel like shit. 

YOU. 

No one else.

I can only hope likes and kudos were worth it, I guess?

Either way, feel free to ignore this. It is, at the end of the day, my personal opinion on this subject and you may not agree with me on this at all, and it’s fine.

I will say one more thing though: If you are wondering why people consider some fandoms toxic and rain hate on them, look no further. It is issues like this that people refuse to see as problematic for whatever messed up reason that create this type of reaction, my friends. You may not like it, but that’s the truth of it. Do with it what you will.

-

TL;DR: While curating fandom experience should be something that the consumer of it is ultimately responsible for, there are certain subjects, such as all forms of sexual violence, that should be handled with care on the side of the creator and tagged appropriately to avoid hurting others needlessly as well as perpetuating a dangerous rhetoric like the one that if you enjoyed the sexual act, if it seemed like you wanted it, or if you didn’t stop it (just to name a few) it means it wasn’t rape.

[chasseuses]

reasons why i love jade leech pt.2

so i guess I'm doing this again.

this is more of a repeat of everything I said in part one but with more sobbing and coherent words.

Jade Leech, Octavinelle's vice dorm leader and the twin brother of Floyd. Many might say that Jade is better than Floyd, although that may seem true to people who don't know him well enough, some people were smart enough to know that Jade was just as bad.

Despite being so fucking shady and nasty, I couldn't help but slowly learn how to love his character. His shadiness is only a part of his charm ❤️ I mean— don't you want that? Don't you just want to look at him and wonder what the fuck is going through his mind right now?

He could be either plotting murder or thinking about tonight's dinner and I would still find his shady expression 🥺 oddly attractive to say the least. I'm being weirdly serious here and typing in lowercase so in a few bullets, expect me to go feral once again.

His eyes are gorgeous. I don't know about you but I get mesmerized everytime I look at them, I swear I could drown in them and never want air ever again. His mismatched eyes,, absolutely beautiful sir please shock my heart eheheh 👉👈 haha jk !!! he doesn't have to use his unique magic to shock my heart bfjfkfjfkfjkffk

His smile is breathtaking, my sun— my light in this dark world of mine. Even if his smile is practiced and insincere, I can't help but go crazy over it. Imagine if he smiled genuinely, no restraints at all as he let out a hearty laugh and a genuine smile took over his expression. I would cry on the spot, I am cryimyfjrkfjkffk.

GOF HELP ME I CAN'T TYPE IN LOWERCASE ANYMORE IM GOING IN CAPSLOCK!!!

I HATE HOW JADE CAN GO FROM HIS USUAL GENTLEMANLY FACE EXPRESSION BUT SUDDENLY SHOOTS YOU A FUCKING SMUG GRIN WHICH SHOWS OFF HIS SHARP TEETH AND SAYS HIS USUAL "Fufu~" LINE LIKE PLEASE 🗿 SHUT THE FUCK UP DON'T SMILE LIKE THAT!!

SPEAKING OF TEETH, MAN I REALLY AM CURIOUS AS TO HOW SHARP THEY ARE. A PART OF ME WANTS TO SHOVE MY HAND INTO HIS MOUTH AND JUST TOUCH THOSE TEETH AND SEE HOW SHARP THEY ARE 🤡 haha imagine if he suddenly bit down tho hahshhhshsdrijfrknfkrgntknffknflfnflffnkfnfkjfkdjfofjddlifjf ok I'll shut up.

I don't think I mentioned it here (i already did) but I am telling you that the idea of someone as composed and reserved as Jade starts pining, IT'S GUARANTEED TO BE SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE 🗿 OH GOD THE THOUGHT OF JADE PINING?? ABSOLUTELY *CHEFS KISS* MAN THAT IS SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE IF YOU SEE ANY PINING JADE PLEASE TAG ME I WILL START CRYIMG

Oh my god. Have I told you how beautiful Jade's lips are? Please please please please look at them they look so nice ahahahha so irresistible and kissable UEEEEEEEEEE

The way his lips are like that 🗿his fucking smile/smirk. GOD GIEV EME THE ABILITY TO KITH THIS MAN JUST ONCE PLEASE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I'M FUCKING CRYING.

Oh my gOD THE WAY HE LOOKS AT MUSHROOMS... THE SOFTEST GAZE... SOMEONE LIKE HE... IS CAPABLE OF HAVING SUCH A SOFT EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE.... PLEASE I WANT TO BE A MUSHROOM IF IT MEANT BEING LOOKED AT BY JADE LIKE THAT.

HE COULD FUCKING SPIT ON ME AND I'D THANK HIM.

I'm ashamed to admit that the earliest reason why I liked Jade Leech was because of his hands. Please forgive me, Lilia-sama. I cannot help but get attracted to such beautiful hands- it was if it was sculpted by the god of sculpting himself! It's such a shame that his gloves cover up its blinding beauty- though my eyes can see through the deceit, I know that his fingers are glorious beneath that piece of cloth. My one and only wish in life is to be able to hold his hand- without the gloves, and that's all for my confession.

^^^^^ I FOUND THAT IN MY DRAFTS

I'M SORRY BUT I JUST REALLY LIKE HIS HANDS OK. LIKE 😳 haha...!! what if we held hands,, without the gloves 😳 haha jk...! unless ...?9£4(_8 UE UE UE UE UE MR. LEECH LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND PLEASE I'M GONNA BEG

UEEEEEEEE I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU WHEN I SAY I WROTE SO MUCH LETTERS FOR THIS EEL I WISH I WAS KIDDING I HAVE LIKE 12 RIGHT NOW GOD I'M SUCH A FUCKING SIMP

st a rts sobbing

pouting jade.

pouting jade.

pouting jade.

WHAT THE FUCKBSJDJDJJ??£?£(_(3(_((_(£(£+£; WHY IS HE SO CUTE INT HSI SCREENSHOT WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE THE WAY YOU'RE POUTING RIGHT NOW IS SO CUTE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME SQUEEZE YOU.

I'm fucking crying why the fuck is he so cute gof forbid this man from being so fuvking cute i cannot.

People be telling me: cute?? jade is terrifying.

and I go like: that's cute.

UE UE UE EU UEHFHRJFJJDJF HAVE U GUYS HEARD OF WHAT HE DOES TO PEOPLE HE BETRAY HIM???? I LITERALLY WENT 😳 "ahahahh mr leech i will personally betray you just to make you do that to me" you know. like a simp.

U know what I'm going back to lowercase

His extreme love for mushrooms is probably his comic relief so it doesn't completely make him seem like a shady bitch in the game- it's a surprise as to how cute and vulnerable he can get when he talks about or does something related to his precious fungi. It even goes as far as to make him completely lose his sense of surroundings, which is really rare for someone as observant as him- and usually dangerous sjfbjdbf. It's also EXTREMELY CUTE as to how they made Jade someone who really likes mountains- he even goes as far as to found his own club to appreciate them!!

He has pretty deft hands, being able to create a terrarium and care for it as a hobby is applaudable- not everyone has the ability to do just that, you'd have to be able to be extremely precise and careful, and add a little bit of extreme determination to the mix. He would probably smell like mud from all the time he spends in the greenhouse, and stays up late because of creating terrariums. It shows us that he isn't completely a shitty eel who collects dirt on people as his job and I think that's pretty fucking cute not gonna lie!

There was one voice line of him mentioning that he likes gazing at stars, which was completely unexpected for me! He didn't seem like the type to gaze up at the stars and just- watch! Though I expect him to be always alone whenever he does that- he isn't exactly the most approachable person in NRC, people tend to avoid the Leech twins because of Floyd- mostly. People are just scared of them and I don't think Jade has any friends aside from Azul and Floyd. And I don't think either of them would be willing to stay with him to do just that, Floyd's excuse would be because "it's boring~!" and Azul's would be "I have much more important things to do." And I think that's pretty fucking sad.

God please send me to their world I will watch the stars with him please i love him so much I'm—

BACK TO CAPSLOCK FJDJJEKFJKDJFKRNDKDJFKDFLDJRLFNFLDNFLDFNDLNDLDNFLFOFKDLDKDLDKDK

Look. No amount of words can actually describe my feelings for Jade Leech no words can do my love justice UE UE UE UE which is why I do the second best thing— keysmash.

Please please please I could give him the whole world and it wouldn't do my love for him justice 🗿 UE UE UE UEJFBRKFBTKNFRKFBFKFHJFHFDKHFKDBFKDHFKRBFRKBFRKBRKFBFKFNFKFJFKFJDKFK

I also uh, want him to step on me! Y',)!92+_)£_+ Y'know... He would stomp on my back and dig his heel into my back and probably hurl insults towards me 😳 man. I'd be hIS FUCKING DOORMAT IN A HEARTBEAT.

Omg this is getting long

The first part was much more 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 but I still do this anyways.

Anyways. Please stan Jade Leech I love him so much 💕

i would've included my brainrot but ppl would just go 🗿 "taku you really are a jade simp huh" and NO I DON'T WANT THATTTTTTTTT

[thethirteencreators-blog]

Chapter 6.5

"The idiot still isn't answering his phone? Is he working late or something?"

This would be such a simple answer and I wish I could just smile and say, "Sure! That is exactly what's keeping him!" However, I know that this is a lie and I have never been good at lying. I twitch when I lie, my lips betray me and form the most devious grin, and my voice sweetens itself to the point of me sounding like a cartoon character from the sixties. "No, he isn't working late. I walked by the café. It's closed, everyone is gone," I explain to Lyric, slapping my hand onto my knee to keep my leg from shaking. My friend purses his lips, a sign that he was either really irritated or really confused. (Good chance of it being both.) The two of us were in his studio apartment, plopped down on his couch, staring blankly at the muted television in the middle of the room. I came to Lyric's place about five minutes ago and caught him in the middle of watching the movie adaptation Hairspray for the thirtieth time. He invited me in and offered me a pop, but I declined. Caffeine was not what I needed right now. I was already jittery enough. Lyric lifts up his arms in a thoughtful gesture. "Have you tried calling his coworker?" I throw him a pointed look. "Why would I have Jasmine's phone number?" It's ridiculous for him to even assume I would have it. "I don't know. She's cute." Is he joking? I can't tell if he's joking. "Not my type. Or yours, I thought." I throw him a questioning look. Lyric chuckles, taking a sip out of a cherry colored bottle of pop. "Hey, I'm pretty open minded." In all the time I've known Lyric, he has not once actually showed any interest in another human being. When I say this, I don't mean he doesn't have romantic feelings for anyone. I mean he literally finds people the most boring beings on the planet, which is why I believe he enjoys acting so much. Up on stage, he isn't surrounded by people anymore, he says, but actors. Actors are not just people in his eyes. What they are is something so much larger with so many different layers to them. Actors are the only people he can discover any intrigue in. "Anyways," I huff, changing the subject back to a more pressing matter than Lyric's so-called open mindedness, "if Jimmy calls or shows up or you see him somewhere for some reason, tell me please? That way I will know he didn't get stabbed thirty-seven times in the chest or hit by a bus." "Why is it always a bus with you? Why can't people be hit by cars anymore?" Lyric points out, getting up from his sitting position and following me towards the front door. I stand there for a second, trying very hard to let my worry go and laugh along with him. "Jimmy is too sly to get hit by a car. If he's gonna be crushed, it'll have to be something huge," I reason, rubbing my lips together. They are so dry. When I see Jimmy, I'm gonna kick his butt for taking my lip balm. My friend reaches around my body and unlocks the door for me. "Jimmy is probably fine," Lyric assures me, his hand on my shoulder. He gives me a tight squeeze, an odd show of affection from the man who hates physical contact. I have to pause when he does this and stare, which he returns with a small smile. Lyric's smiles are so rare. He knows how much I love them. "Don't get all paranoid, man. Knowing that loser, he's probably in the drama room having dinner with his mama." "Why does having dinner with his mom make him a loser? His mom is really cool," I point out. I've never understood why kids are so anti-parent. Yes, my parents weren't perfect and spent eighty percent of their time nagging at me, but I never felt a need to shove them away. I was never ashamed of them, even if they might have been ashamed of me. During the period of time after I came out as pan to them and the day I announced I wanted to go to Broadway, they seemed a little iffy on how they felt about me. We cleared it up, though, and they went back to loving me unconditionally after the initial shock wore off. A group of blonde girls stroll by in matching purple dresses, trilling about some band they were going to see live. One of them, apparently, won free tickets off the radio and another splurged to get them a limo. Kudos for them. "His moms are pretty chill," Lyric agrees, setting his hip against the doorframe. "I'll see you tomorrow for rehearsal before class, Alto. If I receive any contact from the alien life force we know as Jimmy John, I'll let you know." "You are so weird," I laugh, listening to the sound of the door clicking shut behind me.

------*

The dorm is in an oddly tranquil state when I return home sometime around midnight. Even though Lyric instructed that I don't let paranoia overcome me, I couldn't help but wander the school grounds for a few hours. I even walked all the way to Jimmy's favorite restaurant about a mile away from the school. Sometimes he goes there in the middle of the night to get some cheap noodles. That actually has become his routine during finals. Patricia, the owner, loves him for all the business he brings her. I even went as far as to actually call his mother when all else failed. She told me that she saw him at around three and hadn't heard from him since. To avoid freaking her out, I assured her he was probably just practicing somewhere secluded, wanting privacy. There's no sign of Jimmy anywhere. No call, no text, no email... Absolutely nothing. Something happened, I know it. I can feel it in my stomach every single time I think about him; this overwhelming, aching dread repeatedly splashes over me like a bucket of blood. Wherever Jimmy is, he isn't safe. I'm almost up the first flight of stairs when I consider calling the police. This might be nothing, but I refuse to take a chance. If Jimmy really is in trouble and I did nothing to help him, I will never be able to forgive myself. "Hey, Alto!" I hear someone call. I look up and find the sweet smile of Edda waiting for me. She is worn down and borderline weak looking, but still manages to be the brightest star in the room. "You were out late." I wave her off. "Hi, Edda. I was out looking for Jimmy," I explain, playing it off as if this were nothing. There is no reason to worry anybody else. "What were you doing? Partying?" "Yikes, me?" she chuckles, slapping her hand to her chest. Edda has lived down the hall from Jimmy and I since she started here last year. The two of us have a minor friendship made up of mostly childish banter and musical references. Also, she is one of the only people who does not look ready to barf when I make a terribly wonderful pun. (For example, H-2-Oh No! When I used this on my neighbor, Madison, she looked ready to slam my head in her door. Would I have blamed her? Probably not.) It's nice having a friend who doesn't treat me like the freak I know I am. I appreciate her more than I appreciate Jimmy sometimes and that is saying mounds about our simple contact. Edda pauses on the stairs before me and gestures to the tag on her shirt. "My staff kind of bailed last minute at the paper, so I'm pretty much on my own. I just needed to run back here and pick up some photographs I forgot for the front page." Ever since the beginning of the year, Edda has been the head of our school's newspaper. She is the one who compiles it all together, writes editorials, finds leads for her team of three (counting the resident cartoonist, Kam) to follow, prints everything out, and sets up the newspaper stand in the main hall. "That sucks," I say. "It keeps me busy," Edda shrugs, adjusting a strap over her arm. "Well, I best get going. Nice seeing you, Alto." "You too," I nod, watching her descend the stairs and exit through the side door. Just as I reach into my pocket, I feel my phone start to buzz. Finally, Jimmy has messaged! I pull out my device and see his name printed across the screen. Thank god, Jimmy! I hit answer and let out a breathe of relief. "Jim-Jam, you scared me to death! Where have you..." "Heads up!" the phone cackles and I'm propelled forwards. The stairs thud beneath me with each roll until I'm at the bottom, my body trembling with pain. I lift my hands and cradle my head, attempting to recollect myself. My phone lies beside me in about three different parts. For that to have happened, the fall must have been pretty intense. "Why?" I choke out, lifting my head. The attacker is nowhere to be seen. "W-where'd you go?" I try to get up but my body refuses. Every one of my limbs feels ten times its size. I can't even move my left leg. Did I break it? Could I have broken it after only falling down half a flight of stairs? A horrible thought strikes me quite suddenly and I feel bile in my throat. What if I was right and Jimmy was hurt? Maybe the same person who did this to him is doing this to me. My shoulder stings. There's something pricking it. Before I can look, what I assume is a bag is thrown over my head. I'm engulfed in darkness for a few seconds. I don't fight it. I lay there and wait for it take me away.