#a small piece of joy in an otherwise super stressful time that I’m going through right now

[stagefoureddiediaz]

When you get your own art put on a phone case 😎😎😎

I’m so happy and excited about how this turned out!!!

The case is a Pela case - they’re made of flax and are fully biodegradable which is why I chose these cases over others (plastic phone cases don’t need to be a thing anymore!!)

they recently started offering customisable cases so I got one ordered as soon as I got my new phone! Only trouble is they’re not cheap and now I’m planning several other cases 😬😬😬

[mira--mira]

Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed

[darlingsdevil]

The Ballads of Rebirth (Arthur Morgan x Reader)

Chapter 15: Full Circle

Summary: The big day. All rejoice!

Masterlist

Tag list: @rollyjogerjones

I still can’t add a read more tab on mobile.. sorry about that :/

A/N: Sorry for my long hiatus, not been super motivated lately so I made this chapter extra long for you guys! Longer than any thing I’ve written before (!!).I promise I sort have been doing productive things.. I guess. Listening to music (Hozier, Lord Huron, Gregory Alan Isakov and the Oh Hello’s are what got this chapter done), playing fallout 76 (I know), working, schoolwork, planning other fics (I have a big announcement coming up!!!)

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: I wanted to clear some things up in terms of plot hole. My dumbass mistakenly has said that Reader has been in the gang for 15 years, not true - it’s been around 10, but a little less than John (like 3 ish months after him). I have also previously said that John and Reader joined the gang together, again, not true but I already fixed it. Reader joined the gang after John after Arthur saved her from the gang who kidnapped her. Hope this wasn’t too confusing.

As for the ending... yeah.. next chapter, and then epilogue. Not sure that many of you will stay around for the AU - which will be posted SEPARATE, after you read the actual ending >:3c Anyways, here we go.

This is all supposed to be italicized.. it’s italicized on wattpad and ao3, just tumblr decided to be a bitch and not transfer it that way and I’m too lazy to change each paragraph to italics.. so let’s just pretend it is.

•••

Shady Belle was an interesting place for a wedding, it seemed. You had been ushered away from Arthur in the morning, and carted away to Saint Denis with the rest of the women, claiming Shady Belle would be too chaotic to get ready in, which really meant they didn’t want you to get ready with the men around. They had raided your room when the sun rose, waking Arthur too. You were barely able to kiss him goodbye, they carted you out of the room that fast. You wanted to lie next to him all morning, enveloped in his warmth, but your friends had different plans.

Saint Denis was such a difference compared to Chicago, the city you grew up in. You were an orphan living in the cold streets, just barely getting by. You worked in a textile factory for as long as you could remember. You lived in a cheap, one bedroom apartment, before that you simply slept in alleyways with other orphans, huddling by fires. You were uneducated, poor, and always hungry. A man kidnapped you on your way home from work one late evening, and the next thing you knew you were in a cabin in the desert, surrounded by men with guns and a nasty look on their face. Arthur was your savior, Dutch was your teacher, John was your brother, Abigail was your sister, Hosea was your father and the Van der Linde gang was your family.

But that was a long time now. Your wedding was merely hours away.

Arthur was nervous about the whole thing, he didn’t want to make a big deal out of the wedding but Dutch decided otherwise. Dutch thought a wedding was exactly what the entire gang needed, to boost everyone’s morals he had told you. You were beyond nervous for your big day, but with Arthur by your side, the impossible became possible.

Miss Grimshaw was the head of it all, the mastermind of the party. She set everything on a strict schedule, where everyone needed to be and when. She was a godsend during this time, otherwise the wedding would no doubt end up in a shed with you wearing a white sheet as a wedding dress.

Mary Beth was absolutely bouncing off the walls at the idea of a wedding, she thought it was incredibly romantic — two outlaws falling in love. It was something out of those novels she adores.

Saint Denis was hot, humid, and made you feel sticky with sweat. It didn’t help you would be wearing a heavy dress later that day either, but you didn’t mind. Nothing could or would bring you down today.

The first stop to your magical day was the salon. You got your hair trimmed and styled, as well as some makeup, keeping it simple. A few of the other women got their hair done as well. They all looked beautiful. The women could not hide their excitement for you, even a few patrons of the salon came up and congratulated you. Their talk seemingly echoed off the walls.

Abigail put the hair clip in your styled hair, it was a beautiful piece, elegant and dazzling. It was gold with a large pearl at the top and smaller jewels surrounding it. It matched your locket perfectly. Arthur had bought the hair clip for you a few days before.

When you were ready to leave the salon, it was time for the dress store, where you had left the dress. You didn’t want Arthur to see it, and it would no doubt get soiled at Shady Belle. Some of the other women had bought new dresses for the special occasion as well.

You picked it up from the counter, and walked over to the dressing room. All the women sat down on the benches outside of the dressing room, waiting for the big reveal. A few of them had already seen it, as they had gone with you when you picked it out, but none of them had seen you in your full wedding attire.

When you slipped it on over your undergarments you felt like you were floating on a cloud. You were absolutely beautiful. You felt like you could conquer the world in the dress. It was incredibly pretty, it had a loose layered bodice, with lace woven in, long ruffled sleeves and an a-line skirt. You felt your heart strings pull at the mere sight of it, you wondered what Arthur would think of it.

You slowly pushed the door open, hearing your loud heartbeat in your ears. You heard a wave of audible gasps, and then a few squeals, you eyed your white heels nervously, hesitantly looking up at all their faces.

They were all smiling, a few covering their mouths in joy.

“You look so pretty!” Tilly shouted, the rest of the women agreed. You smiled shyly, doing a small twirl.

“I really like the dress,” You said, feeling the cloth sway with you.

“I’d be surprised if Arthur didn’t drop dead the moment he sees you,” Mary Beth said playfully.

“Do you really think so?” You questioned.

“Of course. The man will have a heart attack right there, on the altar,” Molly responded.

You giggled, “I don’t want that to happen!”

“You look so beautiful,” Mary Beth repeated. You nodded her head at her, a smile on your lips.

“I’m so nervous though,” You confessed, sitting down next to Miss Grimshaw. You gripped the edge of the wooden bench, hoping to calm your nerves.

“It’s normal to be nervous, if you aren’t, there’s something wrong.” Sadie was the only married one in the gang, you trusted her advice.

“What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing will be going wrong today, everyone is going to make sure nothing bad happens,” Abigail reassured you.

“Are you sure? I mean what if Arthur suddenly gets cold feet? What if O’Driscolls raid our camp?”

“If the O’Driscolls try to mess up your day, they’ll have to get through me,” Sadie said rather determinedly, a strange glint in her eye. You would not want to be an O’Driscoll when Sadie Adler was around, or an O’Driscoll in general for that matter.

“Arthur would never turn his back on you. We all see the way he looks at you,” Mary Beth said, a noise of agreement was heard. Mary Beth was right, Arthur would never turn his back on you, you were sure of it.

“Arthur and you do make a handsome couple. I can tell you’re really in love,” Molly responded.

“Thank you, Molly.” You smiled at her.

“We best be getting going, we wouldn’t want her to miss her big day,” Karen reminded everyone. It was getting late after all, there were still some things to do before the ceremony, such as making sure all the men were getting ready instead of getting drunk off their asses. Luckily, most of the preparations were done the night before, but there were still some finishing touches required.

Everyone fretted for you and Arthur to simply sit back and let everyone get your wedding prepared for you. You were wary of coming off as lazy at first, but the gang assured you it was your turn to sit back and relax, after all weddings were supposed to be happy and stress free. So you let everyone pitch in, even Uncle helped.

“Let’s head back then. The bouquet still needs the ribbons in it, we need to make sure dinner is being prepared-” Miss Grimshaw already began barking orders, Karen and Tilly both groaned. Everyone began to get up, gathering all their belongings.

“And you, Miss Morgan, we need you to head inside immediately once we arrive, we can’t have your dress get dirty,” Miss Grimshaw told you as you walked through the streets to get to the wagons.

“And don’t let Arthur see you, it’s bad luck, you know,” Sadie's voice rang out from behind you.

“I know!”

•••

When the rowdy wagons finally came to a stop in front of Shady Belle, you were immediately taken up to Abigail’s room. She shielded you from the eyes of the men, rushing you up the staircase. Abigail and Sadie were not taking the superstitions lightly it seemed. She kicked John out of the room, but Jack was allowed to stay.

You walked over to the window, Abigail sat down on the rickety bed. You slowly pushed the curtains out of the way, looking down to the ground below. Dutch was giving a speech it seemed, Arthur next to him. Your breath was almost stolen from you the moment you laid eyes on him, he was so incredibly handsome. He wasn’t dressed yet, you were glad you hadn’t spotted him in his suit. He was standing proud next to Dutch, Hosea on the other side of him. You watched them for awhile, before letting the curtains fall back into place.

“Are you ever going to have a wedding with John?” You turned to Abigail as she brushed her hair on the bed.

Abigail gave you a look,“Knowing John, probably not.”

You chuckled lightly, “Well, if you ever do, I want to be there.”

“You’ll be the first invited,” She responded. You took the brush from her hands and slowly began getting rid of all the knots in her hair. You shifted behind her, making sure to not crease your dress.

“I still can’t believe you two are getting married. I remember when I caught you two kissing behind that wagon,” She laughed, remembering the awkward moment.

“He was drunk off his ass and I was too. It wasn’t much of a kiss, more like we were eating eachothers face.”

“Yeah but, it was still a kiss, right?”

“I guess it was our first kiss. But our first sweet kiss was the day after when he officially asked me out,” You sighed sweetly.

“John was horrified. I still remember the look on his face when you both arrived back in camp holding hands,” Abigail laughed.

“Hosea always knew. Dutch knew too. We were ogling each other for so long, it was kinda hard not to know.”

“You told me first though, remember?” Abigail said.

“Yeah, I do. And then the next day you went into town and bought a locket for me so I could put Arthur’s photo in it.”

You continued brushing Abigail’s locks. Abigail was the closest thing to a sister you had ever gotten. You stood up for her when the rest of the men saw her as a whore, you showed them she was more than that. You stayed by her side when John left her with a newborn. You had even helped give birth to Jack.

Arthur was closer to John for obvious reasons, but you were still John’s sister too. You were both furious at John when he left. John had betrayed you and Abigail, things were still rocky. Arthur understood what it was like to have a child, it wasn’t easy, but at least he had stayed for Eliza, you had met her twice, she was kind and respectful. Isaac was a smart boy, and looked a lot like Arthur. Arthur was distant for a while after he found out they both died.

“It took you awhile to find the right photo to put in it.”

“It did. I had to get him to take the photo in the first place. I remember I told him it was for a job!” You laughed.

“I’m sure he already suspected it.”

“Probably. I never was a good liar around Arthur,” You said.

“I’m so glad he ended up with you.. Mary and him were a troubled pair.”

“Trust me, I know.” Mary hated you and you hated her. It was the final straw when Mary began talking about you, trying to pull Arthur away from you, putting ideas into his head, and Arthur stopped putting up with it. At the time, you were no rival to Mary, you were more like his annoying little sister. His volatile little sister. You were a lot wilder in those days, no wonder Mary saw you as a threat.

“But honestly, you two are a wonderful couple. Arthur is lucky to have you,” Abigail said sincerely.

“Thank you,” You responded. You were finally done brushing her hair, you set the hairbrush down and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m so nervous about this wedding,” You confessed to her, setting your hands in your lap.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Abigail looked at you. You looked up at her. Her eyes shimmered with pride.

“I don’t even know why I’m worried, I just am.”

“Well I’ll be with you the entire time, you’re my sister, (Y/N). And sisters stick together.”

“Thank you, Abi.” You leaned forward and gave her a hug, your eyes welling with tears of happiness.

When she let go, she sat up from the bed, walking over to the window. She looked down at the scene below with watchful eyes.

“John looks like he just woke up. That damned fool,” Abigail muttered, she turned to Jack, who had been playing with a few pieces of yarn and wood. You nearly laughed at the pitiful sight, you would have to buy him some real toys when you went back into the city. Arthur and you had briefly discussed having children, you had practically raised Jack, with Abigail. Arthur decided once things settled down and Dutch’s plan to go to Tahiti or wherever he decided at the time finally worked, then would be the time. You prayed it would be soon, Arthur would make a wonderful father. You wanted to get away from this life so desperately, you were tired of running, you were tired of killing. All you wanted was a family with Arthur.

You had lived the life of running, fighting to stay alive, killing without second thought. All you wanted was peace.

Abigail picked up Jack, letting out a quiet groan. Jack was getting big, you remember when you first held him, those big eyes looking up at you.

“Jack, do you want to go get what you made your Aunt?” Abigail asked Jack. Jack looked at you with big doe eyes, smiling widely.

“Yes, Mama,” He said, Abigail set him down, he walked towards the drawer by the window and reached open to pull it open. He barely even reached it. His small arms grabbed a small object from inside the drawer. Abigail put her hands on her hips, smiling at her boy.

“He made it himself,” Abigail said as Jack set a flower crown in your hands. It was pretty with wildflowers he had picked. He watched you examine it, smiling brightly.

“I think Uncle Arthur will like it,” He told you.

“Oh, Jack! Thank you so much. This is beautiful.” You gave him a grin, putting the flower crown on. It really was a thoughtful gift.

“He picked a flower for Arthur too, so you would be matching,” Abigail revealed.

“Arthur likes flowers, did you know that, Jack? He’d never let any of us know, though,” You laughed, grabbing a bobby pin from a small box next to the brush, you secured the crown to your hair. Arthur was always drawing flowers in that journal, and in his old one he had kept pressed flowers. Arthur was a secret softy, there was no hiding that. Perhaps it’s why you fell for him, his secret side was so tender and loving, and when he realized he loved you too, that’s all you ever saw of him. He was nothing but kind - even when he called himself a bad man, you saw straight through that. Arthur was a kind man, kinder than any man you had ever met.

“I know,” Jack said simply, setting down next to you. He kicked his legs out in a back and forth motion.

“How do you know?” You asked him, pretending to be shocked.

“Uncle Arthur told me he likes flowers.”

Abigail held back a laugh, looking at you. You glanced at her, giving her a look.

“Uncle Arthur told you he liked flowers?” You repeated.

“He told me when we were by the water. I found a flower and gave it to him,” Jack responded.

“I see. What flower did you give him?”

“It was a purple flower. Uncle Arthur drew it in his journal.” Jack got up from the bed and went back to his yarn and wood, plopping down on the hardwood floors.

You chatted aimlessly with Abigail for a few moments as she continued getting ready. You were beyond scared to walk down that aisle and face Arthur. The longer you waited, the worse your nerves got.

People came up and down the steps, but suddenly you realized that it was John and Arthur coming upstairs. You held your breath. Even Abigail stopped to listen. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you heard them speak and walk further and further up the steps.

“John?” Abigail called out.

“What?” He responded, John was close to the door.

“Arthur’s not allowed in,” Abigail replied, she picked up her makeup brush and began applying blush to her face.

“I know. He’s not, he’s going to his room.” You could hear Arthur’s footsteps in the other room.

“Can I come in?” John asked after a moment of silence.

“Sure,” You said. The door opened and there was John. He still wasn’t dressed.

“You look good. I’m sure Arthur will be happy to see you.” John closed the door behind him, walking over to the dresser.

“Think so?” You asked playfully.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t he be?” He chuckled, John pulled out a pair of black slacks and a white shirt. It looked clean enough.

“She’s nervous,” Abigail told John. John looked at you over his shoulder.

“That so? Arthur is too.”

“Did he say anything about me?” You blurted out, feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush. John walked behind the folding screen in the corner of the room.

“He’s real excited to see you,” John said from behind the screen.

“I’m sure everyone out there is,” Abigail chimed in.

“Arthur wanted me to give you something,” John said as he walked out from behind the screen in his wedding outfit. He walked towards you, outstretching his palm.

It was a chocolate bar. You smiled at it, taking it from John.

“What's up with you two and chocolate?” John asked you as he walked over to the cabinet, he leaned against it, watching Jack play with his yarn.

“It’s a long story, but he’s only supposed to give it to me when I’m injured though.”

“Maybe he just wanted to let you know he’s thinking of you,” Abigail spoke, she glared at John, you wondered what that meant.

“I don’t have anything to give him,” You sighed, staring at the chocolate bar. Arthur was always thinking ahead.

“I’m sure he knows you’re thinking of him,” Abigail replied.

“Hopefully.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to eat it, your nerves were too high. All food sounded incredibly unappetizing. You set the chocolate bar on the bedside table. Jack eyed it, his eyes nearly glowing.

“You want the candy bar?” You asked Jack.

He nodded vigorously. Abigail rolled her eyes humorously.

“You can have it,” You told him. It was a gift from Arthur but Jack would have appreciated it even more than you could, and besides, the kid loves candy.

“Thank you, Auntie (Y/N),” He said, grabbing the chocolate bar with eager hands.

“I best be getting down there now, Dutch wants to talk to Arthur and me, good luck out there by the way,” John said, buttoning the top of his collar. He opened the door and left.

Jack continued eating his chocolate, you smiled at the boy. You wanted your own son or daughter so dearly, one with Arthur’s eyes and your hair. That’s all you wanted. You wanted out. As much as you loved your family - you wanted out. You had lived that way for so long, it was all you had ever known. But now you had a chance at freedom - to create your own family with Arthur.

But Arthur would never leave Dutch. And you knew that.

Deep down you knew.

You were tired of the running — tired of the plans, tired of it all. All you wanted was Arthur, him and nothing else. No gang — no killing. Just Arthur.

You didn’t want to raise a child in the gang, that was a foolish dream. You knew how easily the child could go without a parent, you had seen it happen with Abigail and Jack, although John eventually returned.

You were coming to terms with that though. In the world of an outlaw it was to live forever as an outlaw or die trying.

•••

An hour passed - it was already almost time. A majority of the gang members had already left camp. Your nerves were skyrocketing and when Molly knocked on the door to tell you it was time you almost passed out. Abigail gently ushered you to the door. Your hands were shaking as you slowly opened it up, seeing Molly in her special dress.

The plan was to head to a small church where they held outdoor weddings behind the building, the venue backed up to a river so you would be standing by it saying your vows. It was not very far from Shady Belle. Churches were never quite Arthur’s style, so you opted for an outdoor wedding..

You walked down the staircase slowly to the carriage outside, your hands were shaking wildly. Abigail held you tightly, Jack at her hip. The carriage was waiting outside for you. The camp was deserted behind you, it was strange to see. It was almost eerie, the lack of life, but you knew later tonight it would be bustling with it.

Abigail helped you up into the carriage. Once everyone was in the driver set off. Your heart pounded in your ears, your stomach churning.

“I’m so nervous.” You clasped your gloved hands tightly in your lap, as if it would somehow stop the shaking. Every turn, every jolt, it did not help with your nerves at all.

“I know, dear,” Molly said, putting her hands over yours. Abigail watched you sympathetically, she knew this wasn’t easy.

The carriage moved closer and closer to the venue. Arthur was surely feeling the same way, hopefully not to the same extent.

You were silent for most of the ride, Abigail and Molly talked fruitlessly, but you could not focus on their words. It felt like there were a thousand thoughts in your mind but not a single one was coming to your mind clearly, they were all shrouded in nervousness.

When the carriage suddenly came to a stop your heart jumped. You looked out the window and held your breath. This was it.

You were getting married. Today. Right now.

It was suddenly almost hard to wrap your mind around it. Abigail had to lightly nudge you out of the carriage, otherwise you would have been frozen in that seat.

You stepped out of the carriage, the sun was bright and slowly setting in the sky. By the time you would all get back tonight - it would surely be night.

Charles and John were waiting outside of the church for you. Every step closer to the church felt heavier and heavier, it was beginning to be hard to stand up straight.

“You look nice,” Charles said, holding the door open for you. Sunlight seeped in from the windows of the church, it was dusty inside. Sadie, Miss Grimshaw and Mary Beth sat on one of the pews, waiting for you.

“Thank you, Charles.”

Mary Beth gave you a small wave as you walked closer to them. Molly, Abigail, Jack and John behind you. It was hot and dry inside the church, it did not help that you were wearing a heavy dress either.

You opened your mouth to say something to Sadie, but Miss Grimshaw quickly cut you off. Molly walked out the back door to the ceremony.

“Arthur’s in the room behind the altar, with Dutch and Hosea. The Processional is starting in five minutes,” Miss Grimshaw reminded everyone. You nodded slowly. Five minutes felt like nothing. Abigail clipped the veil into your hair as Miss Grimshaw spoke. The veil was long and trailed to the floor, with lots of lace that was intricately woven.

“The order goes Dutch, Miss Grimshaw, Arthur, Charles, John, me, Mary Beth, Abigail, Jack and then our bride with Hosea,” Sadie read off from a piece of paper she had been holding.

“Then I’ll get out there with them, and you, Abigail, make sure the boy doesn’t drop the rings,” Miss Grimshaw finished, she turned swiftly towards the room behind the altar. Charles and John followed suit.

You sat down on one of the pews, your heeled foot tapping tirelessly against the floors. You tried to think of something calming, but nothing came to mind. It all was scrambled, your brain desperately grasping at a comprehensible thought.

“You’ll be fine,” Sadie told you as she leaned against the pew.

“You will be,” Mary Beth agreed.

“I’m afraid I’ll mess up.”

“You won’t mess up, you’ll be fine,” Abigail beamed. The seconds ticked on, the women sticking to their own conversations after noticing the worry in your eyes.

The music began and you immediately perked up, five minutes seemingly goes fast when your mind is a jumbled mess.

Sadie, Mary Beth and Abigail got up. Jack held onto his mother’s dress tightly. Abigail turned to smile at you sweetly as they walked closer and closer to the back. You gave her a small wave of goodbye. She mouthed “you’ll do great.” as she vanished behind the door.

The church was now completely deserted, it was now you and your thoughts. About a minute passed before Abigail knocked on the door. You hesitantly walked over to the looming door. Your heart beating wildly, like it would jump out of your chest.

You opened it and took a small breath, trying to calm your screaming nerves. In a few moments, you would see Arthur, and he would see you. And you would be his, and he would be yours. Years of yearning, wishing the other would be at their side, who knew it would come to this? He would be yours and you would be his. It was as simple as that.

Hosea was waiting on the other side for you, looking handsome as ever in his suit. He was the closest thing to a father you had ever gotten, it was only fitting he would walk you down the aisle. He smiled at the sight of you, unable to hide his pride.

The small compartment behind the church was small too. The door was open leading to the altar where Arthur was waiting for you, but a path obscured by trees hid it from you.

“You look beautiful,” He whispered, resting a hand on your shoulder. You stared at the door, waiting for your turn. You smiled politely, although you were not facing him.

The summer buzz of cicadas was heard even as the Procession played, a melodic tune. You waited for the music to change into your entrance.

“You’ll do fine out there, Arthur loves you,” Hosea’s words were quiet, but you could hear them loud as day. It was entirely true of course. Hosea was always right.

The music slowly shifted into a much slower song, and you knew. This was it. Hosea slid his arm through yours, your right arm holding the bouquet. You both slowly stepped out into the bright day. You felt like you were floating on a cloud — like nothing could ever bring you down. The dirt crunched underneath your feet as the aisle slowly came into view. Hosea’s arm was steady and soothing, his steps slow and methodical.

Worries drifted away as you slowly came into view, the wedding party rising at your arrival. The music continued to play a slow, beautiful tune, the cicadas humming happily and the rush of the river drumming thunderously.

And then there was Arthur, smiling at you like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life. You were closer now to him, every step bringing you nearer and nearer to his heart.

Arthur was handsome. He was gorgeous. And he was yours — all yours. He was sporting a dashing black suit, perfectly tailored. The flower in his chest pocket was the same as the ones in your hair.

It was like there was a beam of light radiating from him, Arthur had always been your beacon even in the darkest of times. He was love itself.

You felt the eyes of your friends and family on you, but you could only focus on Arthur.

When you finally reached the altar, your hearts felt like they were being synced, beating as one rather than two. The officiant stood behind Arthur, underneath two trees with a small arch decorated with flowers, Sadie and Mary Beth waiting for you on the left, John and Charles next to Arthur.

Hosea let go off your arm, smiling the entire time. He took his place next to Dutch in the front row, you handed Abigail your bouquet and stood next to Arthur underneath the arch, he took your hands in his. His hands were rough and strong, but they felt like home.

You looked into those eyes of endless waves, you only felt love and happiness from him. He looked like a prince, like there was supposed to be a crown sitting on top of his head, rather than the flower one you wore.

The officiant began with a welcome as the guests sat down.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Arthur and (Y/N) in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." The officiant said. This was really it, you kept reminding yourself. You both looked towards the crowd, for a fleeting moment you wondered if anyone would speak up. Arthur wondered the same, perhaps Micah would think he was funny and say something completely out of line, but he didn’t.

Arthur thought you were a goddess in your beautiful white gown. It looked exactly like something you would wear, the dress accented your body wonderfully, he couldn’t help but admire it.

The officiant spoke some more, weddings, love, union, the beginning of your new life - but you could barely focus on it. Your only focus was Arthur. Your fiancé, your best friend, your husband in a matter of moments.

“And now the bride and the groom are to exchange vows,” The officiant proclaimed. He gave you your paper with the vows.

Tears slowly started forming in your eyes as you shakily held the paper, smiling through it all.

“I remember when you found me alone in that cabin, that day you saved me in more ways than one. You taught me to love, to laugh, to trust. You have been my best friend, my companion, my lover and now you will be my husband. You have stayed by me when I was sick, injured, drunk, crying, you were there for it all. And I shall be there for you, I will choose you every time. I devote myself to you, Arthur Morgan, in sickness and in health. For I am yours, and you are mine.” You squeezed Arthur’s hand tightly, feeling the words come out naturally, like you had been waiting to say them your entire life. His smile widened throughout your entire vow.

The officiant held the paper out to Arthur, he let go of your hand to take it. You remembered him saying writing vows was hard, saying that his words sounded like nonsense. But they weren’t nonsense, Arthur was a gifted writer, whether he knew it or not. The thoughts in his journal (which you rarely ever saw) were something precious.

“My dear (Y/N), the first day I met you I knew I would like you. And I was right, and here we are now years later. It’s been a wild last few years, reckless too, but this is our first step into our new life, and we best not waste it. You are my love, you are my light, and I love you more than anything in this world. Nothing can or will separate us from now till the end of time,” He finished, his eyes brimming with love. Nothing could have prepared you for this moment, looking into his eyes and only feeling happiness. Like it was only you and him in this entire universe.

“Arthur, do you take Y/N L/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, through sickness and health, till death do you part?” The officiant asked. Arthur looked towards the man and nodded.

“I do.”

“And do you, Y/N, take Arthur Morgan to be your lawfully wedded husband, through sickness and health, till death do you part?”

“I do,” You said to Arthur. You smiled uncontrollably, and tried to stop the tears that were threatening to spill out the corner of your eyes.

The officiant leaned down to take the rings from Jack.

“Arthur, take this ring and place it on her finger.” Arthur took the ring from the man, and you presented your left hand to him. He slipped it on effortlessly.

“I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness to you.”

“Y/N, take this ring and place it on his finger.” You grabbed the ring, feeling the weight of it in your hand, you slipped it on his strong hand.

“I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness to you,” You rang out loud and clear. Speaking only to him. Words that would forever bind you to him.

“And remember, love is an unbreakable bond, it is gratitude, it is faithfulness, it is kindness, it is forgiveness, it is everything good in this world. Lovers will always find a way back to each other,” The officiant said with parting words.

“With the power invested in me, I now declare you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.”

You both leaned in, he grabbed your waist, you took his face in your hand. And you kissed him, and you kissed him. His mouth against yours, it was a rushing moment, like you were soaring above the clouds. And you felt the love between, the hearts beating as one. Arthur was secure, he was your lifeline, he was your home. Arthur was yours.

Cheers were heard as you both retreated. You took his hand in his as you made your way back down the aisle. The crowd stood up for you, clapping the whole way. You would have to get used to the new weight on your finger, it was different than the engagement ring.

Once you were back on the path, you finally spoke, unable to hide your excitement.

“Gosh, I was so nervous all day, but when I got up there it wasn’t bad at all!” You exclaimed, walking closer to the church. The forest singing a merry tune for you

“I know, John had mentioned earlier that you was nervous,” Arthur replied. Your heart was beating quickly, but this time not with nerves, with excitement, with joy.

“And thank you, for the chocolate by the way. I ended up giving it to Jack, since he was ogling it the entire time,” You laughed, speaking quickly. Arthur held the door open for you as you entered the church.

“I was wondering if you would eat it or not.”

“Jack liked it. He also said he picked you that flower,” You told Arthur as you walked towards the front of the church, out towards the carriage

“The flower crown looks nice in your hair, I think he made a good choice.” You opened the door to the carriage outside. The rest of the gang would come back to camp after you left. Arthur helped you into the carriage while the driver congratulated you two.

At 19 you expected to live the rest of your life with a gang of merciless strangers who beat and did horrible things to you, but now here you are, 10 years later - married to the man who had saved you. And he had saved you every day since then, reminding that you were worth the love he could give.

And he was yours, and you were his.

•••

The party still roared to life outside. There was a feast fit for a group of outlaws, cake, never ending drinks, a vibrant bonfire, poker, stories, toasts, talks. It was everything you hoped your wedding would be. Hosea and Dutch were like proud fathers the entire night. You even saw what looked like Miss Grimshaw wiping away some tears when Hosea gave his speech.

It was interesting to say the least — when the songs started, you knew a majority of the camp had gotten drunk. Barely anyone had retired for the night — besides Strauss, and Reverend who had already blacked out. They sang songs for you and Arthur, they sang songs about love, about sex (which made you blush and hide your face, while Arthur had a dumb smirk on his face). You had switched out of your dress after the ceremony and opted for a looser small white dress.

When the crowd began saying the ‘Ring Dang Doo’ you groaned, knowing everyone would be looking at you. Arthur laughed as he sang along, watching you the entire time. The hoops and hollers were joyous as you hid your face in Arthur’s shoulder.

When the song was finally over you let out a sigh of relief, but you remained nuzzled into your husband's side. He was warm from drinking, and he had a happy glow to him. There was not another place you would rather be than to be next to him.

Hours passed smoothly, the songs became less rowdy as the party goers quickly dropped, hopefully not too hard. It was hard to believe your wedding day was over. You remained by Arthur’s side for a majority of the night. By the time Javier and John had packed up for the night — as well as an insufferably drunk Sean who’d fallen on his face getting up, it left only you and Arthur.

The fire crackled and sputtered as the remaining embers shuddered, praying to stay lit. The night was slowly coming to end, the final waves of darkness would be over soon, and light would wash over the terrain.

You were tired, you’d been awake for nearly a full day now. Your head rested on Arthur’s shoulder as he stared meaningfully into the fire, both of your eyelids heavy. You slowly blinked, trying to stay awake, to not fall asleep in the middle of camp.

“You know we could get away from this all, Arthur,” You mentioned to him, trying to suppress a yawn that was threatening to be released from your mouth.

Arthur replied with a questioning hum.

You looked up at him, “We could get away from this life, you know, start our own family.”

“You know I want that, sweetheart. Life’s just a mess right now, not sure it’s the right time,” He sighed. You turned back to look at the dwindling fire.

“I know, Arthur, I do. I just — I want a child of our own, a house, a family.”

“We’ll have that one day.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

•••

[oh-theatre]

Sycamore High: An Excuse (Chapter 37)

A/N: Hey looky here, I actually spent time and really worked hard on this chapter. I'm not proud, I don't think I'm ever proud of my writing but I did love doing this SO much. I love spending more time on writing, I used to do it and then lost that but now I'm back and hope you guys will like it! ALSO ALSO, This story is coming to end BUT there is a sequel already in the works so :)

summary: Finals Day 1

words:  3,961

warnings: Swearing, forced kissing, crying, yelling

Edited by: @theyreallidiots  (Thank you so much love!! You're amazing and it means so much!)

Ao3 Link

Finals Day 1…

“Not a word of it to Ted, ok?” Chad whispered, Henry wanted to protest but the look Chad gave him made him decide otherwise. He finished cleaning up the dishes, Chad packed his things. Ted returned holding his own belongings, Chad sighed walking over to him. “Your hair...kiddo” He mumbled trying his best to fix the mess Ted called hair. Ted pouted swatting his hand away.

“Hey hey, don't mess with the signature look” He complained, reversing any work Chad had just done. Henry watched the pair, his heart tugging at him. He couldn't help but think of it. Chad had always wanted kids, he made that clear when they got together. Henry, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. He didn't hate kids, he just wasn't sure of himself. His parents weren't the best examples, until Chad came along Henry was practically a robot modeled by his parents. But then he fell for that stupid theatre kid, who greeted him the first time he walked into the auditorium. Now here they are, years later, married. Not married. No the past 24 years of blissful marriage were a lie, and he knew that this shouldn't have changed anything. But it sat itching the back of his mind, you're not married, he is not the father. He was still the same man, and yet here Henry stood doubtful. It wasn't fair to Ted, and it wasn't fair to Chad.

“Ready to go dearest?” Chad asked sweetly, extending his hand. Henry took it without hesitation letting him lead him to the door. Chad looked back at the frozen Ted. “Kiddo?” Ted shuffled for something in his bag but grumbled.

“Forgot something in dad’s office” He informed “Be right back” He rushed out of the room scrambling down the hall. Chad chuckled turning back to Henry. He studied his face, his blank expression, the way his eyes sat firmly in one spot.

“Whatcha thinking about love?” Chad inquires, cupping his face gently. Henry averts his gaze, shuffling his feet. “Henry? Henry, I know you, what's wrong?” His voice was firm. He shook his head, feeling able to move once more.

“Nothing, everything is fine” Henry assured, both men knew he was lying but before Chad could try again, Ted returned. Both professors turned to him expectantly, his face was unreadable holding a piece of paper. “Ted?”

“I wasn't trying to snoop…” He mumbled, his eyes were glazed over, he couldn't pin down what he was feeling. “I thought it was on your desk… but I… found this?” He holds up the paper, Chad bites his lips. Henry squeezes his hand, the adoption papers trembled in Ted's hand. Chad stepped forward. “I'm not really sure I understand it...Its... it's confusing…” He admits, his voice hitches. Chad moves forward again, Henry follows.

“Ted...come sit” Chad offers, moving himself to the couch. Ted stares, but nods. Henry follows, Ted sits in the middle of the pair, a tight grasp on the papers. Chad takes a deep breath, he opens the papers still in Ted's hand. “Let's go over this slowly ok?” Ted swallows nodding.

“Ugh! I don't get it!” Ted exclaims, Chad peeks his head out through the kitchen. He takes off his over mitts sitting next to his son on the table. He takes a peek at what Teds working on, Ted moves the paper towards him. “I just don't understand math ok?” He sighs rubbing his head.

“Let me see” Chad requests, he takes the papers studying them diligently. He nods, taking another pencil. Henry watches from the counter. “Let's go slowly ok? Don't think of doing it all at once, break down the problem” He demonstrates with one of the problems, Ted tries next. Henry smiles as Chad works carefully with Ted, calming him down, reassuring him. Even when he got frustrated.

“Which would mean that x equals 6.4 and y equals 5.8!” Ted finishes, he turns brightly to Chad “Right?” Chad laughs smiling.

“Exactly, good job Ted” He congratulates, he sits a little longer just in case.

“So… so there… there was a p-problem...with me?” Ted manages, Chad shook his head softly. He pointed to something on the paper.

“Never Ted, look” He shows him another paper “Henry and I…” He looks over at his...at Henry biting his lip. “Henry and I... aren't technically married” He explains, feeling that pull again

“H-how is that possible?” Ted asked turning to Henry, who raises his eyebrows. He didn't know how to explain it, not calmly. “You showed me photos! You were both there!” He claims, Chad nods.

“Yes but apparently… we never got a real marriage certificate. It's very confusing but when we went to get our marriage certificate we were told we were married but it wasn't true” Chad rambled, Henry hated the part that came next. “Our marriage license was real, but we looked into it and the clerk who was meant to ‘sign off’ on our marriage” He sighed “Forged it, he um… he didn't agree with our way of living” Oh.

“Oh…” Ted muttered, his mind began racing. “How was that even allowed? How did you go through 24 years without there ever being a problem?” Ted rushed, Chad took his shoulders.

“There were problems but we could never figure out what it was and it went away eventually,” Henry explained, he felt the need to participate. “But this won't go away” He gestured to the paper. Ted turned to him, he had one simple question.

“So what are you going to do?” Henry and Chad shared a knowing glance. Married or not, they still had these moments, those moments where you know exactly what the other is thinking.

“We’re going to get married,” they said in unison, both sharing a smile.

~~~

“Paul, please! Just listen!” Marley begged Paul scoffed one foot already at the door.

“No! I don't wanna see him, I don't wanna talk to him! You and Alice do whatever the fuck you want but I have school” He huffed pulling away from his mother. He stormed out, Marley frantically following him. She grabbed his arm carefully, turning him towards her.

“First of all language!” She scolded, he sighed tapping his foot impatiently “I know you don't want to, and you don't have to! I just wanted to make sure, I would never ask you to do it Paul” She insisted, he softened in her grasp. “Good luck with finals, ok? I'll pick you and Alice up and we can go out for dinner, alright?” He nodded, the idea bringing a small inkling of joy.

“Love you mom” He told her, she released him smiling sadly. He slid into his car, throwing his things in the back. He pulls out his phone. He wonders what the group chat name is this week. Ted enjoys changing it every week.

Stressed, Depressed and A Mess

Paul: Mood on the name Teddy boi

Bill: Was there something you needed Paul?

Paul: Just wanted to know if any of yall needed me to pick you up

Ted: Busy, can't talk

Bill: I could use a ride if that's alright

Paul: Yeppers be there soon

He goes to close his phone but received another message. A message from an unknown name pops up.

The Fuckiest of Fuckers

Oh… never mind

Em: Hey babe, I know this is super last minute but could I get a ride?

Paul: Always and forever

Em:  I need a ride, I need a ride, I need a ride

Em: Haha that was so funny

Paul: Pick you up soon

He chuckled finally stuffing his phone away, pulling out of the driveway. He picked up Emma first, receiving a kiss on the cheek. She sat in the passenger's seat choosing the music, and Paul thanked god he wasn't picking up Ted. There would be a war.  Bill was next, seeing as he lived the farthest away, and he sleepily joined them sitting in the back seat.

“Everyone gucci?” Paul asked as he pulled away from Bill's house. Emma turned the music down a bit, Bill buckled himself in.

“Mmhm,” he hummed, “No Ted?” He inquired, Paul looked at him through the mirror shaking his head. “Hmm, everyone ready for finals?” Emma laughed dryly.

“Never” She answered, Paul, nodded in agreement. Bill chuckled softly pulling out a book from his bag. The rest of the ride was relaxing, Emma played soft music, Bill read in the back, Paul drove. They stopped for coffee picking up more orders than expected, in fairness it was Emma's fault. She asked the group chat if they wanted anything, and Charlotte, Jackie, and Ted were all eager to get some caffeine. They arrived at school soon after, setting up outside the lockers. Jackie and Charlotte joined them. They sat in their usual circle of lawn chairs, two empty for Ted and Tommy.

“Your coffee m’ lady” Paul served, handing Charlotte her drink. “And one bitch juice for Jackie” He joked handing Jackie her own drink. She took a giant sip staring him dead in the eye.

“Hey Paul, did you make this?” She asked “It does taste a little bitchy, with a hint of fucker”

“Language!” Charlotte and Bill finally yelled. Jackie and Paul shrunk in their seats, their faces heating up. Ted arrived shortly after, grumbling as he sat in his chair. “You alright?” Bill questioned, Ted, buried his face his arms. Paul and Bill shared a look, simply patting him on the back.

“I hate literally everything” His voice muffled, Paul nodded. “I just wanna go home and sleep” The group snapped in agreement. Charlotte glanced at the empty chair, her heart sinking.

“No Tommy again?” She inquired, Ted looked up, the dark under bags of his eyes becoming prominent. He shook his head no. “Oh… sorry”

“Way to make it awkward bubbles” Jackie whispered, Charlotte swat her pouting. She chuckled, kissing her girlfriend on the cheek “I'm only kidding” Ted wasn't going to lie, it hurt just a bit. Guess now he knew how Bill felt. Emma and Paul teasing each other sharing their own private secrets. Jackie and Charlotte giggling, smothering each other with kisses. He missed Tommy, he hadn't seen or talked to him in almost 2 weeks. He was at school, he knew that much but every time he tried…

“Oh my god I'm going to kill Alice” Paul muttered, Emma, peaked over raising an eyebrow “She keeps insisting I see my dad-” His eyes widen, Ted and Bill turn both on high alert.

“Your dads back?!” Ted screeches, “Are you ok? Do you need help? You can stay at my house” Ted offers frantically, Bill nods. Charlotte and Emma eyed the three of them. Paul hates to admit he suddenly feels a weight lifted.

“I’m fine, guys, really” He assures, Ted sighs leaning back. “I'm not seeing him, but Alice insists I give him another chance” He gestures, throwing his hands up. Emma takes it squeezing it gently. He gives her a grateful smile. “I didn't want to tell anyone, because of finals…”

“I’m sorry dude,” Ted says, Paul gives him a smile. He curses himself, what a shitty excuse he was. Ted doesn’t tell him something and Paul freaks out, but the other way around? Ted’s a fucking angel. “But seriously, you can stay over at my house until he’s gone”

“Thanks, if Alice convinces mom to that family dinner, I might take you up on that offer” He joked, Ted smirks. Bill glares, not at Paul but for Paul. “Hey, buddy... you good?”

“Moriarty, not Sherlock” Is all Bill mutters, and to everyone else it means nothing. But Paul and Ted share a knowing look.

~~~

“Raise your hand if you one-hundred percent just failed your final” Ted announces plopping his lunch down at the table. Everyone except for Bill raises their hand. Ted nods, affirming his doubts. Everyone has their lunches out, and some kind of study guide. Ted follows suit, taking out his own math guide. “Look, it's just two more days of tests and then two free days and then summer!” He tries, lazy ‘woos’ are echoed. They worked silently, occasionally looking up to talk with one another or eat.

“Ted, can I talk to you?” A voice asked from behind. He glances up, his eyes turned fiery. Billy stands holding his lunch in his hands, staring expectantly. Paul and Bill stand, glaring. Emma cracks her knuckles (she wouldn't actually punch him, but man she wishes she could).

“What do you want?” Ted spits, he literally spits. Nothing comes of it but there was an effort. Billy eyes the group but sighs.

“I just want to talk, ok?” He raises a white flag with his face, Ted nods.

“Fine-”

“Ted” Bill and Paul warn in unison, he holds up his hands nodding. They sit down doubtful but watch him follow Billy out of the cafeteria. Billy leads him to a secluded corner, Ted becomes warier as they continue.

“Ok, what do you want?” He asked, his voice his firm and annoyed. He might have given Billy the chance to speak to him, but not a lot of time.

“I wanted to apologize,” Billy informs, Ted folds his arms waiting “I am sorry” And so he goes on to list and apologize sincerely to Ted. It's a good one too, one Ted surprisingly appreciates. Once he’s finished, Ted assumes it's over but Billy stops him from leaving. “How did you know?” His voice is softer now, almost chilling.

“Know what?” Ted wonders as Billy shuffled his feet, kicking the ground. He fails to meet Ted's eyes.

“How did you...know you were…” He can't finish, as if the word is too revolting. Ted's face falls annoyed, as his arms rejoin his side.

“Bisexual” He scoffs, Billy swallows nodding. “I mean, I suspected for a while and told my friends and family but I wasn't sure until…” Ted trails off, his mind picturing exactly when he knew. Under the willow tree, sitting with Tommy. He cupped his face, locking their lips together. A sad flutter was felt, a soft moan escaped Ted's mouth. “I wasn't sure until I kissed Tommy” Ted confirmed, Billy finally met his eyes. He had never seen the teen look so small. He expected a response, or some kind of joke. He didn't expect to suddenly be pulled into a kiss, his lips meeting Billys. It was rough, hard, almost painful. It wasn't Tommy. Once he registered what was happening, he pulled away immediately. He stared baffled at a very regretful Billy, he shook his head leaving instantly. He didn't know where he was going, but he had to go.

~~~

“He kissed you?” Paul questioned as the group walked home. The trio of boys were planning a study session and had decided to do it at Paul's house.

“He kissed me” Ted recollected, nodding his head.

“Are you going to tell Tommy?” Paul pressed, the three of them were just staring ahead.

“Yes...maybe… I don't know” Ted sighed, He stuffed his hands in his pocket “Not like he’d care” He mumbled “I feel like lately, he's just looking for an excuse… and this could be what he needs to end it...”

“Does that mean he’s gay?” Paul inquired, he had a whole list of questions formulating in his mind.

“Doesn’t justify his actions” Bill chimed, Ted turned to him.

“No one said it did, and I don't know” Ted shrugged, he didn't know a lot about this situation. Paul nodded processing, he went to ask another question but Bill wasn't done.

“That’s sexual harassment” He claimed

“Bill-”

“It is Ted, it was forced upon you” He argued, Paul actually agreed. Ted wanted to protest. “Look, whether or not he’s gay or whatever doesn’t excuse the fact that-” He stopped, holding up a finger “He bullied you and Tommy, and-” he held up two fingers now “Forced a kiss on you, when you clearly didn’t want it” Bill explained, Ted hated the fact that he was right. They kept walking passing by Tommy's house, Ted stopped.

“Ok, I'll be right back, I'm going to go talk to him” Ted declared, Bill and Paul nodded assuring him they would go to Emma's house quickly before returning. He waved them goodbye, knocking on the door. It opened after a moment.

“Ted? What are you doing here?” Tommy asks bluntly, Ted realized how long it had been since he’d seen Tommys face upfront. Able to stare and admire his features, the twinkle in eyes, the way he’s brows furrowed adorably.

“I wanted to see you…” He admitted, his eyes gazing towards his lips. Tommy sighed before ushering him in. They stood face to face now in the living room. “How...how are you?” Ted tries

“I’m busy Ted so…” Tommy said, Ted bit back his lip.

“You're always busy, you know, I haven't seen you in two weeks” Ted blurts, Tommy looks taken aback. He wrings his fingers. “I think I might have actually forgotten your face”

“Ted don't be ridiculous” He chided, his voice was annoyed. “I’m sorry that I have finals” His voice wasn't sorry, it felt rehearsed.

“We all do! Doesn't mean we isolate our boyfriends!” He shouted Tommy scoffed rolling his eyes. They went back and forth, the argument heating up. Ted only noticed Tommy's tear after the blur from his own tears cleared.

“I'm busy ok?! Not everyone has parents who don't care about their grades”, “I get it, you're busy! You have to study! Doesn't mean you ignore me!” “I'm sorry I can't be your perfect ray of sunshine 24/7 Ted!” “You're not even making an effort!” “I'm trying ok?” “Trying is ignoring me?” “Trying is focusing on school! I don't revolve around you Ted”

“Billy kissed me!” Tommy's face fell, he stumbled back.

“What?” He barely whispered, he shook. “A-are you ok?” He came forward, he still kept his distance but his face changed. It wasn't anger or frustration, it was concern. Now Ted's heart hurt.

“I’m fine, not that you would care” He cursed himself as soon as the words left his mouth. Because the soft sobbing, as Tommy clasped his mouth, said otherwise.

“Of..of course I care” he cried, “You think I don't care?” His voice raised in volume now. “If I get anything less than a perfect ‘A’, my parents would kill me, so maybe you should just go” His face was blank now, Ted couldn't read it. He shook his head making his way for the door, as he opened his heart broke just a little bit “I care so much” Tommy whispered as Ted shut the door.

~~~

“Don't want to talk about it?”

“Nope, let's just get to studying,” Ted said as they stood outside of Paul's house. Bill shot him a reassuring look as Paul unlocked his door, fumbling with his keys.

“Ugh, I really hate-” He paused as he opened the door, his face fell. Sitting in the kitchen was Alice, Marley and… Joe. Ted instinctively put a protective hand on Paul's shoulder, Bill was on alert.

“Paul I am so-” His mother tried but Paul simply shook his head. He couldn't speak, he never could around Joe. He could feel his heartbeat pumping in his chest, the blood filling his ears. He wasn't there anymore, he was little being yelled at, huddling close to his mother. Not his mother now, Paul had buried himself in Ted, who wrapped his arms around him.  

“Why is he here Ms.Matthews?” Bill asked politely, Ted did his best to comfort Paul.

“It was my idea Paul” Alice came forward, she looked sadly at her brother “You would never see him on your own…”

“So you ambushed him?!” Ted accused, he cursed himself lowering his voice feeling Paul flinch in his arms, he whispered an apology.

“I-i didn't mean it like that” Alice persisted, she looked to Paul “Paul come on… look at me” But he didn't, Ted tightened reminiscing himself on the scene. When the two of them were little, clutching onto each other for an ounce of safety. Paul mumbled something into Ted, but he understood.

“We are leaving” He decided firm, “Ms.Matthews, Paul will be at my house” Ted explained. Though sad, she nodded gratefully. Bill left last making sure they weren't being followed before taking Paul's car and driving to Ted's house. Ted hadn't driven in a while and drove slowly, much to his own annoyance. Bill sat in the back cradling the frightened teen, something had washed over him. Something made him crawl back to the little boy he once was, the little boy he worked so hard to leave behind.

~~~

New Chat

Em: is he going to be ok?

Ted: Yeah, he's staying over at my house for now

Em: Can I see him?

Ted: Probs not tonight sorry, he's not really up to seeing anyone

Em: Understandable

Em: Tell him I love him

Ted couldn't help but smile. He nodded to himself showing the text to a sleepy Paul. Paul gave him the tiniest smile, burying himself a little further into the bed. Ted, Paul, and Bill sat on Ted's bed. Paul was in the middle leaning on Ted, Bill and Ted were on either side.

Ted: He knows, and he loves you too :)

Em: Fucking dork

Ted: Correction, fucking useless

Ted: Gotta go, see you tomorrow

Em: Farewell

“Can't sleep, watch?” Paul mumbled Ted chuckled nodding. He stood moving to the small tv on his wall, grabbing the remote. He passed it to Bill, who switched to Netflix. “Mmm ‘Big Mouth’?” Paul suggested Bill and Ted shrug nodding. Once the show is found, they huddle close watching tv for the rest of the night.

~~~

“Izzie! How many times have I told you not to touch Token?” Jackie scolded seeing the mess scattered on her floor. Dirt was spilled everywhere, glass shattered. Izzie stood on the other side of the room cradling Token pouting, on the verge of tears. “You have to clean this up!”

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!” Izzie cried Token slithered around her shoulders trying to comfort the little one. “You never let me play with Maggie or Token!” She defended, Jackie softened. Walking carefully around the mess she walked over to her sister, carrying her to the bed. She sat comfortably on the bed, Token nestled in Izzies arms.

“Look, I’m sorry…” Jackie comforts “But you need to be more careful ok?” Izzie nods, she hands Token to Jackie who takes the corn snake happily. Izzie hops off the bed.

“I'll go get the cleaning supplies!” She exclaims, rushing out of the room. Jackie chuckles setting Token down on her bed.

“You'll be back in your home soon” She comforts the slithery snake. She pets him sweetly pulling away when her phone buzzes.

Bubbles

Bubbles: Jackie, Jackie, J!

J: Char, what's wrong?

Bubbles: Ok, so I was just sitting at my desk doing homework and then my phone rings and it's an unknown number so I pick it up cautiously and its Sam! And he wants to talk to me tomorrow and alone and I'm scared

J: Ok bubs, I need you to take a deep breath. I won't let him do anything, ok? You won't go alone no matter what. And we can just talk to the principal in the morning if you really feel scared.

Bubbles: Thank you

Izzie rushes back, holding a bucket and a bunch of supplies. Jackie gives her a big thumbs up before turning back to her phone.

J: I gotta go, but I love you

Bubbles: Love you too

Neither of them registered what they had just confessed until the next morning.  

[theonewiththefanfics]

At Arm’s Length (Part 4)

Part 1- Modern!AU

Part 2

Part 3

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 1597

In the end, Y/N had to switch her phone off, the incessant ringing driving the girl mad. She didn't know what to do. On the one hand, her heart was doing summersaults from happiness, on the other, she just wanted to cry her eyes out at the simple thought of the many miles between her and Bucky.    He’d done a thing neither could reverse that easily. And Y/N had enabled his actions, so she had to take at least half the blame. If the woman hadn’t agreed to the announcement party, if she hadn’t allowed him to kiss her cheek, maybe things would’ve gone differently. My Chemical Romance’s ‘Dead!’ started to blast through the little portable speaker and she could only wish to be six feet under. How Y/N was going to deal with the fallout of this situation was beyond her.

   Meanwhile, Bucky was not fairing any better. He’d just confessed his love for a girl on live TV even though for the past two months she had been pushing him as far away as possible. But the guy was done. Done with running from his feelings, done with his one true love fleeing, done with being unhappy.    Steve patted Bucky on the shoulder bringing the co-owner of ‘Barnes and Rogers’ back to the reality of brightly flashing lights, fancy suits and dress gowns.    “That was a bold move, punk. You sure Y/N isn’t gonna come back just to rip your head off?”    “Well if she does then phase one is complete- get her back to New York.”    A smirk was plastered on his face while his heart stuttered. What if confessing wasn’t enough? What if any grand gesture would always be too little? Bucky was sure he’d wait forever for the Y/E/C eyed beauty, but at the same time, it didn’t mean he would simply give up in the meantime.    “And what is phase two?” came the voice of Tony Stark as she sauntered up to the two men, giving the photographers a dazzling smile, proudly having linked his elbow with Pepper.    “That… that I’ll figure out…”    Tony hummed, extending an arm as a signal for the four to move further down the carpet.    “She called me, you know.”    Bucky’s head turned so fast he almost got whiplash.    “And?”    “And she was on the verge of a panic attack. Told her to contact you as soon as possible. So once she calms down, and hopefully gets her three brain cells working, she’ll drop a message. Heaven knows that the girl has never taken her happiness into account. Maybe this was the push she needed.”    As the night went by Bucky felt his insides twist more and more with each passing moment. Y/N hadn’t called him nor sent a text message and it made him jittery. Tony, Steve and him announced the merge of ‘Stark Industries’ with ‘Barnes and Rogers’, bringing their focus on the development of prosthetics and artificial limbs. Champagne had flown, merry chatter had flittered through the air, yet all the brown-haired man could feel was nervousness, rather than the joy of this momentous occasion.    “What if I totally pushed her away?” he turned to Steve, a glass of white wine sitting on a small table in front of them. “What is she just completely blocks me and never wants to see me again?”    The blond sighed, chugging down the last drops of his own alcohol before meeting the gaze onto his best friend. “Listen, you just dropped an atomic bomb on a girl, who without a question is completely head over heels for you. Yet you did it on live TV, while she is away in a different country let alone a continent. You can’t expect Y/N to be completely collected after something like that.”    A smaller hand rested atop his. Looking to his left he saw Natasha. The redhead was clad in a deep burgundy cocktail dress, her hair straight and framing the beauty’s face in the most complimentary way.    “You did the right thing, Mister Barnes. Y/N… she didn’t even tell me or Wanda that she was moving away. And we were very close. So I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to even think about explaining this situation to her childhood friends, let alone the man she's in love with. Give her a little bit of time. If by the end of the night there is nothing, I promise to fly over there and beat some sense into that head of hers.”    Bucky smiled, squeezing Nat’s hand in his bigger one as a silent thank you. But unbeknownst to everybody in the room, silent clicks of cameras immortalised the moment forever.

***

   He didn’t stay at the event for much longer, the anticipation of a call or any sort of message from Y/N had become almost physically painful. And as much as he wanted to be the one to contact her first, Bucky knew he had to let the woman process what had just happened. If someone had done it to him, the man was sure, he would’ve passed out.    Bucky loosened up the little black bowtie before it completely came off, the small piece of fabric discard somewhere on his beige sofa. He was just about to make himself a drink when his computer lit up, the unmistakable sound of a Skype call shattering the quiet of his house. Immediately he was by the desk, sitting in the armrest and pressing answer. There could only be one person who would wish to communicate with him during such late hours and through Skype.    Y/N’s face lit up the screen and Bucky swore he felt his heart melt. It had only been a little over a week since he hadn’t seen her, yet nothing had changed. The woman’s Y/E/C eyes sparkled just as brightly, her Y/H/C hair looked just as soft and her features were just as beautiful as ever.    “Doll,” he breathed out, a wide smile splitting up his face. But her reaction was completely opposite of his.    “Why would you do something like that?”    She sounded so small, broken even and only then did Bucky notice how there were tear streaks marking a way down her cheekbones.    “Because I love you. And I’m not going to run anymore. Nor will I let you do it.”    Y/N hung her head, the man’s words stinging more than they would’ve if they hadn’t been so painfully true.    “You do realise what kind of a problem you just created?”    “A problem? Y/N, I just said what my heart felt. I’m in love. And I simply told who I love. Is there anything wrong about it.”    “No…” she huffed looking around her new room. Bucky saw a picture of him, Steve and the girl herself, set up on a nightstand, instantly wishing he was actually there with her.    “Then what’s so bad about me confessing?”    “Because you did it on live TV in front of millions. My phone is unusable because it keeps blowing up. You are my new boss thanks to the merging of yours and Stark's companies, and to top it all off- I’m thousands of miles away! I told you it would never work and now you’ve made a whole nation believe in this Cinderella story but Bucky… I’m not coming back… This is a permanent move. Yes, maybe I’ll have to fly over for some meetings and work stuff, but other than that…”    His heart was breaking with every uttered syllable.    “Buck, I’m trying to start a new life here. And unfortunately leaving you behind is a thing I have to do. Otherwise, I won’t be able to move on.”    “Then you shouldn’t!” Bucky was almost shouting, angry tears rolled down his own face.    “Tell me one good reason why” Y/N sat there, eyes boring into her opponent's cerulean gaze.    “Because you love me.”    The girl hung her head. It was a simple answer. And it was completely and utterly accurate, that is why the clenching in her heart became almost unbearable. With tears in her Y/E/C she looked up at the man.    “Well, sometimes that is not enough.”    “No,” Bucky shook his head. “It is enough. You’re just scared. And I get it, I completely do. I’m terrified myself, but, fuck… just give us a chance… just one chance.”    He saw the conflict raging inside Y/N. It hurt him to see the woman he was utterly infatuated with, in such turmoil and pain, but maybe that is what she needed to allow them to try at least. Yet her response obliterated every piece of hope.    “I’m sorry.”    The call disconnected leaving Bucky to stare at the black screen of his computer and with a broken heart, thudding harshly in his chest. Instinctively he pressed the little green icon to make a call, but it didn't go through. He tried again and again, but Y/N wouldn’t pick up nor would she respond to any of the messages he sent.    It was almost midnight by the time Bucky gave up, a whiskey glass clutched tightly in his palm. Blue orbs scanned the twinkling lights of New York City. He hadn’t even bothered to switch out from the suit, his expensive Calvin Klein button shirt and Hugo Boss pants still adorning the businessman’s body. Bucky ran a palm through his hair, pulling at the dark locks before abruptly he stood up, determination rushing through his body.    “That's it,” Bucky placed the empty glass on the marble countertop as he moved to pack a suitcase. “I’m going to Barcelona.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take): @impalatobakerstreet @slender--spirit @janineabad @salty-buchanan @chrisevans1fan @dyanna-corona @chook007 @lost-and-wandering-alone @goalie-love @nerdgirljen @jediviolet @fandomly-writings @densewaffle @hawkxyes @mizzzpink @nishanki1 @misplacedorphan @dylan5573 @onespideyboi  @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @coal000 @killuaenthusiast @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @raquelbc2003 @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @proxinge @bbkenna @buckysclub @ulired @fangirlofeverythingbasically @mrsalh32611 @horrorx570ximagines @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @pooslie @itsisabelanotisabella @httpmcrvel @purplebananatragedy @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @pizzarollpatrol @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf

A/N: A little bit shorter, but still :) I’m so super stressed about everything that I had an absolute meltdown last Saturday like it was bad. And I still don’t feel on the top of everything, so I know, I’m already very inconsistent, but this is a really big problem, like I’ve never felt this bad, so I might actually go and find someone to talk to, like a professional, because I’m practically to tears every night and even during the day. 

P.S. tell me what you thought :)

P.S.S. if you have a request or wanna be tagged in future stories, drop a message :)

P.S.S.S. please, don’t repost without credit :)

[katsukiboom]

What The Heart Desires - A Tokoyami Zine piece

A/N: My longest piece yet (which I wrote thinking that the word count had to be a lot longer than it actually was, so much of this right here is brand new content) and it was for the amazing Revelry in The Dark @tokoyamizine! I’m super happy to have been able to work with the amazing people behind it and thoroughly hope you all can enjoy the content if you bought it - their blog will also post every completed piece, so make sure to check that out! ♥

Word Count: 5.125

With a cigarette almost completely out hanging loosely between the edges of his beak, Fumikage Tokoyami looked around the empty street before tossing the cigarette onto the ground and stomping it out. He gently blew the smoke out of his lungs, tracing small images into the night air. He studied them absently, letting his expression soften with a smile.

It had been a calm night overall among the citizens that passed by the area he was in. Although he was surprised with how things had gone so smoothly, he also wished there would’ve been more bustle in the city – he hadn’t made more than ¥6.550, and even if he knew better than to complain about what he could earn, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed with how the night turned out. Still, it was well past 1am and he wanted to go back home as soon as he could, so he lit another cigarette and took a big puff. For the long road ahead, he told himself as the bitter taste of cinder reclaimed its place on his tongue.

His thoughts seemed to be all over the place on the way back as he walked slowly, the soft breeze sending a shiver down his spine as he gripped the handles of his guitar case a bit tighter - Fumikage was never a nostalgic person per se, but anyone with a mind-reading Quirk nearby might think otherwise. It was one of those nights where he’d end up doubting himself and his goals throughout the hours, the various memories coming back to him not helping at all with his sentimentality. He only hoped he could get some sleep along the way, and he looked up at the night sky for a moment only to see a few dots scattered all across the dark canvas above. The brightest stars seemed to twinkle as if saying hello, and he realized how much he missed being able to see more of them, of their beauty.

A memory popped up in his head then, a simple image of him gazing at a beautiful starry sky while sitting on the roof of his house a few years back. The sheer contrast of the white and red dots against the deep blue sky always used to leave him in awe of the world around him, and sometimes he brought his guitar along to sing a ballad to the moon in hopes of making the feeling of solitude go away, something not even the entity inside of him could achieve. He remembered when he was younger and his father used to come along, too, the everlasting support for his son making the young man’s heart swell with joy.

It had also been in that same rooftop that he had had the pleasure of listening to what would quickly become his favourite album of all time, Journey’s Escape – it ignited the spark needed to fuel his passion for music, something that had existed ever since he was a toddler but that had never been truly cemented into him. It was no surprise for anyone when he had claimed he wanted to apply to Yuuei, Japan’s most prestigious performing arts conservatory known to train the best musicians in the country.

Tokoyami hopped on the last bus of the night and threw away his half smoked cigarette while remembering that on that same rooftop, too, had been when he first doubted himself years later; if he was doing the right thing, if it was all just for a whim, or if playing music for a living was truly the end of the road for him and his ambitions. He wanted to know more about the world and there was so much more to learn, and he didn’t want to feel like he was just another wasted talent. Those doubts led him to drop the future Yuuei had offered him once he graduated, instead turning to the streets as a source of living while playing whatever music he wanted on his beloved instrument.

He felt a small rustling beside him along with the sensation of something leaving his own being, a sign that he was no longer the only one in that bus besides the driver - sometimes he did hate having a sentient Quirk. “You sound like you’re having a hard time,” said Dark Shadow from beside him, but it didn’t faze Fumikage in the slightest. The bright light of the vehicle kept it controlled, and for that he was immensely thankful. “You can talk to me, you know? I can sense when you’re not okay, and your thoughts are yelling.”

“Get back in,” was the only reply that left him as he put his forehead to the window glass, the cold material doing little to help his tiredness. “You’re not needed now. I am only…” but the words escaped him before he could explain anything, maybe because he himself wasn’t entirely sure of what was going on through his mind; the images fumbled together and a small headache was starting to appear. “I am only thinking.” And with that, he was left alone again as Dark Shadow retreated, a dejected look on its face.

Whenever his insecurities appeared there was always Dark Shadow to help, and the two had been good friends ever since his Quirk first manifested. Despite being hard to manage when in dark places, Tokoyami made sure to always have at least a source of light on him, be it a small flashlight that he kept well hidden in his backpack or playing in a particularly well-lit spot. He knew it would only be a matter of time until something bad happened so he always tried to stay out of danger’s way, preventing as much of it as possible. The entity acted as his main source of support ever since he had left his family’s house and while there were a lot of things he’d change about it, he felt greatly thankful to have it in his life – it being a part of him meant having little to no secrets, and sometimes it made it easier to let go of the emotional load he tended to keep to himself.

Sighing and fogging the glass a bit, Fumikage replayed the events of that night silently, picking the different moments he found to be the most fulfilling. If there was something interesting about being a street musician he would’ve named the tons of people he got to see every day, imagining their stories and talking to them to find out if he had been right about something. It had become a little game only for himself, but ever since he started his new profession there had been two specific people that stood out to him the most. He liked thinking about them, as they had showed him different sides to something he had always considered to be very black and white.

The first one he met almost by chance, the memory replaying as an overused tape - it had been one of his busiest days and the only time to rest for no more than fifteen minutes came around at dusk time, when he noticed that people were already scattering towards their destinations without really paying attention to their surroundings. With his body feeling as tired as it could be, he walked to his preferred resting spot, an old alley that kept him hidden from the judgemental looks he got sometimes. A sturdy box had been placed against a wall God knows how long ago, and he had taken a liking to sitting there with his guitar, tuning it or just playing whatever came to his mind as he let the stress go. It had been no different that day, just a regular afternoon, until he heard voices coming from the entrance of the alley.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” one of the voices, a high-pitched, unmistakably girly voice said with a hint of amazement in her tone. Without even tearing his gaze away from the instrument on his hands he felt as Dark Shadow came out, but Fumikage felt too focused to even ask him to return. The people outside didn’t seem to notice at all, and he had to thank the dim lighting of the narrow space for that. “He seems like he has such a good Quirk too; he’s probably talented with it too.”

Dark Shadow’s low laugh resonated all the way to his body, and with a low growl the young man wordlessly signalled that he wouldn’t be in the mood to get interrupted any time soon. It had been a long day and social interaction wasn’t exactly on his to-do list at the moment - it was his moment to be alone, his mind needing the space to be able to function properly until the late night. “You should give them a chance,” the entity said before retreating into him, “they look nice enough to have a chat with.”

“Ochaco-chan, why don’t you just go talk to him?” The girl that replied had a slightly lower, more concerned tone as she whispered some more stuff he couldn’t have been bothered enough to eavesdrop in. But soon he heard approaching footsteps, and he closed his eyes in a futile attempt to camouflage himself with the wall behind. “Excuse me, I know that you must be resting, but my friend and I wanted to congratulate you for the amazing performance.” Looking up and opening his eyes he was met with the sight of two big eyes framed by two strands of green hair, staring at him as if trying to pierce right through his soul. She was alone, and he wondered if she had been the braver one out of the two or if she had left her friend behind for another reason.

Once his eyes got used to what little light there was and he got a better look of her he recognized her as one of two girls who had been enjoying his show for a long while and dancing along to some of his repertoire before he took a break, and when he looked to the side he saw the friend that was with her talking on the phone before sending them a curious glance. The two of them formed a weird pair he thought, but by the way they acted with one another was a sign of how strong their friendship was. Her features and gestures reminded him to those of a frog, and he wondered if it had anything to do with her Quirk. “I’m truly glad you enjoyed the show,” he replied shortly while putting his guitar back on its case on the floor, unsure of whether they’d hang around more or if that’d be the last time he’d see them.

With a warm smile, the girl kneeled beside him and pulled her white cardigan a bit more over her chest, the breeze running along the streets already getting colder with each passing second. He noticed she looked smaller beneath the item of clothing. “You’re one of the few people I’ve met in my life that I can tell has true passion for playing an instrument,” she added without a hint of hesitation. “I wish I could play like you.”

“Do you play guitar?”

“Transverse flute and violin, actually - been playing since I was 8.” Silence fell over them and Fumikage felt almost scared of breaking it, and instead leaned against the wall behind - in moments like this he really wanted to be the kind of person that could keep alive a conversation without much effort, cursing his bad luck when it came to interacting with other people. She didn’t seem like she wanted to be a bother, but he did wonder the reason why she had decided to casually spend some time with a simple street artist like him. “I hope I’m not being a nuisance right now; you’re awfully quiet.”

Slightly taken aback by her words, he sighed and turned his attention back to her as he said, “It’s okay, I… enjoy having someone to talk to about this sort of thing. Although I must admit I do feel undeserving of such nice comments.”

“Undeserving? No way!” she retorted, and it was only then that he realized that he was opening up with someone he didn’t even know the name of. “I truly wish I could play like you. I was partly forced to learn so I never really knew what playing for a passion was.” His expression turned into one of understanding as he heard those words, and he smiled down at her with newfound empathy. Her own smile had faded, leaving behind a sad appearance. “It was all my parents’ doing as a means to encourage me I guess - I don’t blame them fully, but I sometimes wonder if it would’ve been different had I learnt because I wanted to. I could’ve never dedicated my life to music like you do, however, but I like meeting people like you.”

The way she spoke about her own experience brought back his doubts and he was ready to tell her about that, but then another voice was heard from the alley entrance, making them both turn around. Her friend was calling out to her - Tsuyu with two cups of what seemed to be boba tea on her hands. With what sounded like a way too hopeful voice for him, he quickly said, “Will you two stick around for a bit longer? I’m about to go back out; if you’d like to, you’re more than welcome to stay.”

“We have to go, but I’ll make sure to come back to watch you play again someday.”

It was only then he realized he had never given her his name.

And as they said their goodbyes she got up and walked away, and the memory came to an abrupt halt as the bus Fumikage was riding stopped so hard in front of a red light it almost made him hit his head on the window and fall off his seat. Mumbling incoherent curses as he sent a death glare toward the driver and wishing Dark Shadow would not come out to tease him about it he sunk back down on the comfortable leather, letting his mind fly back to his trail of thoughts after checking he still had some time to kill before reaching his stop looking through the window glass.

The second most interesting person he met wasn’t someone who had come by to one of his performances - instead, he had been the one to meet him, almost on purpose.

It had been a late night of the last autumn, one that had had just the most delightful weather and that seemed to be made specifically for everyone to enjoy. Armed with his beloved black jacket and a cigarette in his beak, he walked downtown to his favourite bar, hoping to have a nice time while getting away from everything else in the world and its tendency to always make him feel under pressure. He didn’t expect the loud music coming from the inside as soon as he crossed the main doors of the place, or the way people were looking at the band playing like they were the most amazing thing they had ever heard. Just noise to the ears, he thought as he occupied his usual place at a table close to the bar, they all sound monotonous.

However, as he listened more and more and downed a bottle of beer, even a harsh sceptic like himself could find himself bobbing his head to the hard rock being played on the little stage. Fumikage analysed the four people (three boys and a girl) that were playing as if trying to discover a hidden secret, but all he saw was four people just having fun… or three, to be honest. One of them had an angry expression on his scarred face, a sour testament that whatever was going through his mind wasn’t the prettiest of thoughts; the bass he played seemed to be in pretty bad shape, and he wondered how the guy could even play an instrument like that. His red and white hair stuck to his face thanks to the sweat running down his cheeks, and he looked rather threatening.

It took them another two songs before they finally said their goodbyes and walked off the stage to the sound of vigorous clapping, and by that point he felt way too curious about them to just let them walk away. He carefully watched as they high-fived each other, all smiling and seeming happy with their performance, even the two-colour haired guy. He was the one that went to the bar, ordering drinks for him and all his friends, and that’s when Fumikage decided to take the chance to speak up. “Nice work,” he said loud enough to be heard, and the stranger only sent him a side glance. “It is always a pleasure to see someone channel their feelings through music like you’ve done.”

“You a critic or something?” the male replied and Fumikage only shook his head, the bartender being told by the man to take the order to his bandmates after receiving the money for everything. When he was free again, he approached Tokoyami’s table and plopped down on the chair in front of his and let out a long sigh. “I wish we received more comments like yours - it always seems like we play for no one in particular.”

“Everyone here seemed to be enjoying it greatly,” Fumikage added without much spirit and already feeling a bit dizzy; the beer was starting to work its magic on him, and he internally cursed at himself for not having something with alcohol in his system for the longest time. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he introduced himself before asking for one in return

Heterochromatic eyes posed on him and seemed to look at him up and down before reaching a verdict about whether or not he was trustworthy - he hoped he looked the part. “Todoroki,” the stranger said as he reached out and offered his hand above the table, careful about the bottles. Fumikage took it and gave it a little shake before turning around and asking for another beer. “I’m really glad you enjoyed the show.”

The name rung a distant bell in Tokoyami’s mind but he ignored it, instead choosing to talk about the band and its origins as Todoroki’s drink was brought to him. He was told that the others’ names were Bakugou, Jirou and Kaminari and that the four were high school friends that had the same goal in mind: creating meaningful music that could reach to the world and bring people together. It was beautiful, barely poetic, but there was still a long way to go and they knew it. “And did you always play bass or did you start with guitar?”

What he thought was an innocent question suddenly made Todoroki’s body tense, his left hand gripping his own beer bottle just a bit tighter. “I started with piano actually - my old man… he wanted me to play. Forced me, actually. He’d given me a really strict teacher and would embarrass me if I ever got things wrong. You can say I started playing as some sort of revenge towards him, but honestly I don’t care anymore. I left my home about four years ago when I was 16 for personal reasons and I have no plans of coming back any time soon.” The emotional turn of the conversation made Fumikage think he’d committed a mistake by asking, but seeing how naturally Todoroki had opened up to him, someone he had just met, made him think that he wasn’t entirely to blame for it. “Sorry for that,” Todoroki added with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “Shouldn’t have unleashed all of that on you when we’ve barely talked at all.”

“I like knowing more about people,” was the simple response to that, Fumikage’s curious expression turning into a relaxed one with a smile of his own, “And you look like you could use an ear to let out some steam; don’t worry, I’ll be like the deepest tomb and keep everything within me.”

And like that, he felt as if he had gained a new friend as the two talked for a few more minutes about their love for music (Journey had, coincidentally, been the first rock band Todoroki had liked as well, although it was their latest record that had amazed him), the band’s next shows and how much the bassist was looking forward to the recording of their first album. Time passed and they were both just drunk enough to laugh at anything, and in between giggles and snorts they didn’t hear an ash-blond man approaching or shouting at Todoroki until he was close enough to tap his shoulder. When the two looked up, Fumikage recognized him as the drummer of the band.

“You telling me you’re getting drunk without us?” He said with a growl, but Fumikage could tell there was no ill intent behind his words - only tiredness. “No more tomfoolery then, we’re going and if you take longer than five fucking seconds to get out we’re leaving without you.” Despite the harsh tone and the deep frown, his lips were curved up in a smile, and he left without speaking another word. His pose denoted confidence, maybe more than a guy should ever have.

With a sigh, Todoroki left his third beer bottle on the table and offered his new acquaintance a gentle smile. “I’m sorry about that, Bakugou can get quite… heavy sometimes. They actually left without me in two occasions, it wasn’t pretty.” He let out a short laugh, and above the talking and noises around them, Fumikage could hear a note of nervousness in his voice. “Hopefully we’ll see you again the next time.” They both nodded in agreement and without much more left to be said Todoroki got up and left, leaving behind a trail of something akin to happiness.

The rest of the night was all but a blur for Tokoyami, and soon he was back on the bus on the present, the memory now returning to the back of his mind as if trying to hide itself from being seen again. He tried to think if there was something escaping his mind amidst the events he remembered as he pulled his jacket a bit more over his body, the cold of the night now reaching every part of him and making a chill run down his spine. He looked out the window and noticed that it was almost time for him to get off, only a few more stops until he reached his destination.

But before he could do anything more someone tapped his shoulder, prompting him to turn around almost defensively. A green haired boy with big matching eyes returned his surprised gaze with a smile proper of those who had no malice inside. He wondered when he had gotten on the bus and why he hadn’t heard him. “Oh, I’m sorry to have startled you!” Even his voice was kind, and Fumikage could only nod his head before starting to get out of his seat. “I had this feeling in my mind and just wanted to make sure I remembered you correctly - you went to Yuuei as well, right?” The statement almost made Fumikage stop on his tracks but he soon recovered and nodded once more, not really wanting to add more to that. “I knew it; my name is Izuku Midoriya, I was in the same year but in a different class! I don’t expect you to remember but it’s surprising to find you here.”

If the name rung a bell in his mind he greatly ignored it, bent on forgetting most of his experience back at the school. “I live close-by,” he said, getting up while grabbing his guitar and now feeling slightly annoyed that his past had somehow found the way to bite his back once again. “Excuse me but I must make this a short chat, this where I get off,” He added as he clumsily made his way to the rear door and pressed the button to let the driver know he had to stop. Curiosity got the better of him as he saw Midoriya following his actions, and he started to think that he had encountered a possible stalker.

“Don’t worry, this is my stop too,” Izuku replied, “my mom moved to this part of the city last year and I’m visiting her.” Silence fell upon them as they reached their destination, but before they could go their separate ways Izuku spoke up, the breeze lightly playing with his green locks. “So, what model do you play?” The question took Fumikage by surprise, and he replied as he opened his bag to get a cigarette and the lighter - he had wanted to leave but for some reason he didn’t want to go home just yet. It was the same feeling he had whenever he met someone through his performances, and his gut was never wrong when it came to interesting people. They both leaned against a nearby wall and he asked Izuku if he played guitar as well, but the other guy shook his head. “No, but I’d love to start. I just need to find time between practices - I already play three other instruments.”

“And what would those be?”

“Piano, koto and end-blown flute! The first and last I perfected back at the academy but I’ve played koto ever since I was young.”

“Koto?” Fumikage felt his eyes widen at the sole mention of the traditional Japanese instrument, as he had never met anyone his age that could even distinguish it from other stringed instruments. His gaze fixated on the other’s, he felt the need to know more about him growing significantly. “Why did you choose that one?”

Midoriya smiled and looked at the ground beneath his feet, seemingly deep in thought. He took his time to reply and for a moment Fumikage felt he had hit a sensitive cord within him. “Maybe because…” he started slowly, and Fumikage could tell he was trying to pick his words very carefully. “Maybe it was because it can be a happy instrument too. I can’t explain the joy I get when it’s on my hands, and it’s very easy to convey my own feelings through it. In that sense it’s very similar to a guitar, and as long as I can showcase how I’m feeling with it, I’m okay. I just want to create music that’s able to reach people’s hearts and make them happy as well.”

Fumikage listened carefully and witnessed as Izuku’s expression went from soft and tired to content in a matter of seconds, and he was impressed to see the effect that music had on the stranger he couldn’t even remember. Doubts swarmed his mind once more and even if he tried his best to dissipate them he couldn’t, choosing instead to sigh and take a short puff from his cigarette as it would be easier than let his mind wander - the smoke tasted more bitter now and his lips curved into a disgusted gesture, but he still said nothing for another few seconds. “You are very passionate, I see. I am always glad to meet lovers of music, but you might exceed everyone else I have met so far.” Had he ever played for true happiness? He couldn’t remember.

The words left his lips mindlessly, as if he was talking to himself rather than to someone else, yet it felt almost like talking to a known friend. He felt comfortable, attributing it to the things they had in common (which he guessed were more than he knew), and he was pleased he had actually decided to trust the good vibes the guy offered. He threw one more glance at him before taking the cigarette between his right index and thumb fingers and holding it up in front of his eyes, as if the smoke was naught but an inconvenience. He was sure Midoriya couldn’t understand where he was coming from with this, but he certainly didn’t mind.

“Do you feel the same happiness?”

“I have to go, Midoriya-san.” Fumikage was quick to respond as he threw the cigarette to the opposite side of the street, watching it let out a few sparks as it hit the ground. He thought that he’d been doing that a lot that night, much to his dislike. “But I do hope to see you again - I often play nearby the Akihabara station, maybe you can come see me one day.”

He hoped that the small smile he offered Midoriya was enough indication that he was glad to have had that little talk with him, but he greatly ignored if the other man could even see it; pulling away from the wall, he waved goodbye at him as he grabbed his guitar case and started walking fast until he turned around the corner. He didn’t even notice he was holding in a heavy breath until he let it out, long and almost making him dizzy.

As he made his way back home, his heart beat faster too, his own thoughts playing against him - the whole dilemma he felt about whether or not he had taken the right decisions in his life. He froze in place and looked up to the sky, now able to see more stars thanks to the now more obvious darkness of the streets. They all seemed to hold so many untold secrets and he was partly glad he was only a spectator in the big scheme of things.

He felt himself going back to the very first place he started at, one where his uncertainties got the best of him instead of letting him advance and take down the many obstacles he encountered. He felt himself going back to those who had impacted him the most, and tried his best to attach whatever emotion felt best for each of them - innocence for Tsuyu, rebellion for Todoroki and happiness for Midoriya. Scoffing, he remembered there was still so much he could learn from everyone around him, and as he pondered the different ways he could implement that newfound knowledge on himself he resumed his walk.

He felt himself getting lost again, but this time he’d make sure to bring himself out of it all to find the spark he had lost along the way.

[rkcarnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://www.rkcars.my/driven-2019-lexus-lc500-limited-edition-is-a-master-of-all-trades/

Driven: 2019 Lexus LC500 Limited Edition Is A Master Of All Trades

Building a car that manages to look dashing both inside and out while delivering an exciting and responsive driving experience, all in exceptional comfort, and not costing a million or so, does seem nigh on impossible. However, the 2019 Lexus LC500 Limited Edition proves otherwise.

Over a period of seven days, we had the opportunity to discover what the LC500 is all about and can say that it is easily the best performance car the Japanese automaker currently builds.

Concept car looks

The LC500 was first unveiled a few years ago as a road-going version of the stunning LF-LC Concept. Typically, concept vehicles as eye-catching as the LF-LC only ever make their way to dealerships with drastically watered down looks. In this case, though, Lexus was able to largely retain the same styling as the concept. As a result, the finished product really is a sight to behold.

Sure, styling is a subjective thing but we were unable to find a single person who didn’t love the exterior and interior design of Lexus’ premiere grand tourer. This thing turns heads like a supercar, attracts off-the-cuff comments from people passing by, and puts a smile on the faces of everyone that sees it. The car we tested was the new LC500 Zinnia Yellow Limited Edition, first unveiled for the UK market back in October last year and soon also introduced to Australia. To say this thing turns heads would be an understatement. It drops jaws.

Distinguishing the LC500 Limited Edition from the rest is a unique Zinnia Yellow paint scheme which has been paired with a set of huge chrome and black 21-inch wheels with 245/40 and 275/35 Michelin Pilot Super Sport tires at the front and rear respectively.

A comfortable tech-fest

Apart from the look-at-me paint scheme, it also comes standard with the usually-optional Enhancement Pack. This means occupants enjoy four-wheel steering, variable gear ratio steering, a Torsen limited-slip differential, carbon fiber roof, heated and ventilated seats with 12-way electric adjustment, an active rear spoiler, and carbon fiber scuff plates. Lexus has also gone to town on the cabin of the Limited Edition, fitting it exclusively with white leather seats, yellow Alcantara on the doors panels, and black leather virtually everywhere else.

Before we get into what the LC500 is like to drive, it’s worth discussing that interior in a little more detail. It is an absolutely beautiful place to spend time in and is certainly one of the best in this class occupied by the likes of the Jaguar F-Type, Mercedes-Benz SL500, old BMW 6-Series models, and the even entry-level Mercedes-AMG GT. All of the surfaces are beautifully finished and the cabin is well-thought out. The yellow Alcantara on the door panels triggered audible gasps from anyone that saw it and the steering wheel is also a joy to use.

As with other Lexus models, the LC uses the company’s maligned touch-pad controller to operate the infotainment system. For what it’s worth, this touchpad has been updated for the LC and is much nicer to use than in other applications, such as the RC. It is far from perfect, but it gets the job done.

Taking a deep dive into the infotainment system , it’s clear that it isn’t that well thought-out. There is an excessive number of menus and sub-menus and, infuriatingly, you cannot use most of the controls unless you’re actually stationary. The navigation system is good but not great as I was never able to work out how to cancel a destination.

Infotainment system aside, it’s hard to think of anything Lexus could have done better in the cabin. The LFA-inspired digital instrument cluster is a true show-stopper, particularly when it glows white when Sport+ is enabled. The Head-Up display works a treat, the front seats are exceptionally comfortable, and the car has surprisingly good visibility. At the rear, you will find two small seats but they are absolutely tiny and really only fit for children or not-that-tall adults. Or family members you hold a grudge against…

Supercar sounds with grand tourer comfort

Whereas the exterior design of the LC500 shouts ‘I’m a supercar,’ the comfortable interior reminds you this is a Grand Tourer – and that becomes immediately apparent when you drive the thing.

Step on the brake pedal, press the engine Start/Stop button and the LC500 fires into life with an intoxicating rev of the engine. It is the same naturally aspirated 5.0-liter V8 found in a handful of other Lexus models, including the GS F and RC F, and delivers 471 hp and 540 Nm (398 lb-ft) of torque. These certainly aren’t earth-shattering numbers but they are more than adequate.

The V8 is mated to a 10-speed automatic transmission. This gearbox provides silky-smooth gearshifts when you’re cruising around and is almost on par with some dual-clutch systems, as well as a significant improvement over the eight-speed auto of the GS F and RC F.

Behind the wheel, it is obvious that this is a special piece of machinery. There are a number of different driving modes available, including Comfort, Eco, Sport, and Sport+, but the last is really the only one you need. Switched into Sport+, the transmission put in manual mode, and the traction control system turned off, the LC500 is exceptional fun to drive.

Pin the throttle and BANG, the transmission produces a visceral sound akin to a cracking whip as you shift between the gears. Approach the corner and again, the transmission and exhaust come to life, revving up the engine and, on occasion, delivering an intoxicating pop. The four-wheel steering provides excellent turn-in and mid-corner grip is impressive, but if you’re over-zealous, the LC500 can be pushed into a bit of understeer. That can be easily corrected with a dab of the brakes or a touch of the throttle, however.

During a series of drives in the LC500 through winding countryside and exciting roads slicing their way through forests, I was left dizzy with excitement as if I’d taken a couple shots of tequila. The Lexus seems to melt around you as you drive, responding instantly to every input and reminding you that it can do this all day long. The brakes never felt stressed despite the 1,950 kg (4300 lbs) weight and always delivered great feel.

Shout it out loud

Then comes the exhaust. Lexus clearly spent a lot of time and money ensuring that the LC500 would sound good and have ended up creating one of the best-sounding cars on the market. It’s actually hard to believe that the GS F and RC F feature the same engine, as they sound nothing alike. What’s even harder to believe is that this is a Lexus and not an Aston Martin or a Mercedes-AMG which you may typically associate with the finest sounding V8s on the market. There are no excessive crackles and burbles from the exhaust as you get in cars like V8-powered Jaguar F-Type models. The LC500 sounds animalistic but at the same time refined.

If we did have one criticism of the auditory experience, it would be the lack of sound from the engine itself. The automaker appears to have spent so much time making the exhaust sound good that sounds from the rear-end frequently drown out the deep bellow from up-front.

Lexus says the LC500 will hit 100 km/h (62 mph) from a standstill in 4.7 seconds. While that’s respectable, it’s not spectacular – though not much of a surprise for a car which weighs so much. What’s more important is how the car accelerates in gear and while flowing between corners, and in our experience, it feels like it has just the right amount of power.

Fuel consumption sits at a claimed 11.6-liters per 100 km (20 U.S. mpg) and while you could achieve that figure on the highway, it’s not realistic in everyday driving. We rarely saw it gulping down less than 17 liters per 100 km (13.83 U.S. mpg) during our 1,200-odd km (754 miles) with the car. At least the huge 82-liter fuel tank (21.6 gallon) petrol tank does mean you don’t have to virtually live at fuel stations like many other performance cars.

The Lexus LC500 Limited Edition costs a cool $205,000 in Australia and while this Zinnia Yellow model isn’t offered in the U.S., an LC500 can still be picked up stateside from $93,325. Consider it money well spent for what could very possibly be the best looking sports car right now – and one that offers the whole package as well.

[theextraspoon]

My experiences with with CBD and tattoos

Tattoos hurt, plain and simple. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a dirty liar and trying way too hard to be cool. I have a lot of tattoos, and although different places on the body come with wildly different levels of pain when it comes to tattooing, every single one of mine hurt. Especially my hands. Seriously, that was an experience.

Truth be told, I almost sort of “like” the pain that comes with tattooing. I know that might sound crazy, but I find it almost meditative in a way. Something happens an hour or two into a long tattoo session where I begin to relate to pain differently. I stop looking at it as an enemy I have to fight and instead give in to the pain and see it as just another bodily experience, a sensation that isn’t as scary and negative as I once thought. It’s like I’m able to take a step back from my experiences and view them objectively, rather than being under the direct subjective influence of those experiences.

But I’m weird, and most people, very understandably, are afraid of the pain that comes with tattoos.

Recently, my fiancee and I went in to get some work done and thought we might see if CBD could be used to make the tattoo experience a little bit better. Spoiler alert: we actually had some pretty awesome results. Read on!

Preparing for a tattoo with CBD

You know that a lot of factors go into creating the sensation we experience as pain. Pain is super weird, and our brains take a lot of things into account when it makes us experience pain. Take this video of the rubber hand illusion as an example of one way our sensory perceptions are way weirder than you think.

The point is, there is a lot more than just the actual stimulus itself that goes into us feeling pain, and the way you feel going into a tattoo can dramatically impact how you handle the experience. This is why many tattoo artists and studios recommend that you get a good, full night’s sleep the night before a tattoo, and that you are well hydrated and comfortable. They know that the more relaxed and the less stressed you are, the easier time you are going to have with your tattoo.

Even though I’m a freak who sort of enjoys the tattoo experience, I’m not naive, and I still get a little nervous going in. The meditative nature of being tattooed is valuable, but you have to go through a lot of pain to achieve it, and that isn’t a lot of fun. My fiancee Melissa is the same way, and we both tend to get pretty tense as we walk up to the door of our tattoo studio.

This is where our experiment began. We decided that Melissa would take CBD before the tattooing began, and I would focus more on taking it after. Very scientific, I know.

CBD can help you relax before your tattoo

Thirty minutes before our appointment, Melissa ate four-fifths of a Grön CBD dark chocolate bar , totaling about 80mg of CBD. This would be a pretty big dose for most people, but she has a lot of experience with CBD and REALLY wanted to try and dull the pain.

Signing in, prepping and applying the stencil of the design, and setting up the tattoo station took a little while, so it probably wasn’t an hour to an hour and a half until the tattooing actually began.

Already, Melissa noticed a difference. “This is the most calm I have ever been going into a tattoo,” she said. “Usually I’m stressed out while I’m waiting to start, but I almost feel like I could take a nap right now if I wanted to. This is way better than I normally am.”

It makes sense. CBD has known anti-anxiety properties, and I have heard plenty of reports from people that CBD just helps them relax. If the thought of getting a tattoo makes you anxious, then it might be worth giving CBD a shot. And if what we know about pain is correct, being more relaxed might also make that tattoo hurt a little less.

CBD can help with the pain while getting tattooed

Now, I have been with Melissa while she got a few of her tattoos, and I can tell you that I noticed a pretty remarkable difference. Normally, she would be silent, eye’s clenched, with her face pressed into the chair. This time, however, she was much more talkative and looked far less pained by the whole experience.

In fact, she told me that this was the best tattooing experience she has ever had! Earlier, on the drive out to the studio, Melissa was telling me she might actually stop getting tattoos because the pain was starting to outweigh the joy she received from the artwork. Tattoos get more painful for some people as they get older, and that has been the case for her.

However, afterwords she was all smiles, saying that with CBD she feels like she would have no problem getting more. It was quite the change!

My turn…

Once Melissa was done, it was my turn to step up to the chair. My plan was to take CBD after the tattoo, so I didn’t have the same calming benefits that Melissa had going in. However, once the tattooing began, I saw that my tattoo artist Dan Smith actually uses a CBD cream during the tattoo process. According to Dan, the CBD cream helps “calm down the skin” and generally makes the tattoo process easier.

I’m not sure if the cream helped too much with the pain, but I can say my skin was far less inflamed than it usually is after a tattoo. I have a tendency to swell up quite a bit, but this time my was skin was noticeably less puffy and not as warm to the touch as it normally would be.

Once my tattoo was done, I ate a few pieces of our CBD chocolate, and it did actually seem to help with that lingering, post tattoo pain that generally sticks around for a few hours. About thirty minutes after eating the chocolate, I was chatting with my fiancee on the drive home and almost forgot about the tattoo I had just received.

I can definitely say that CBD made our tattoo experience much better. If you are at all worried about pain, or if tattoos make you anxious, then definitely give CBD a try.

CBD for tattoo aftercare

Anyone who has tattoos will tell you that the pain and discomfort doesn’t stop once the tattoo gun shuts down. The healing process can take up to 3 or 4 weeks in some cases, and that time period can be filled with a lot of discomfort. Not only that, but how you care for your tattoo in the first few weeks will directly impact how that tattoo looks in the long run, and no one wants to sit through all that pain just to have a tattoo that looks off.

CBD creams and balms can fight inflammation in the skin. Well, I don’t know of anything that would inflame your skin more than shoving a dozen needles into it two thousand times per minute.

With that in mind, Melissa and I both set out to use CBD Tattoo Balm in our tattoo aftercare. Multiple times a day, we would take a small amount of the CBD Tattoo Balm and carefully spread it over our tattoos. Keeping your new tattoo hydrated is super important, so why not add a little CBD while you are at it?

Well, I’m not sure if it was the CBD aftercare, or the CBD used during the actual tattooing, but both of our tattoos healed much faster and much better than normal. I’m an avid triathlete, and my tattoo healed so well that I was able to get back to running and biking within two days of getting my tattoo (it is fairly large and located on my upper leg), and I was able to get back in the pool after just under two weeks. I’m actually pretty sure I could have swam even earlier, but I wanted to be extra careful, as swimming pools and lakes can really be bad for tattoos that aren’t completely healed.

Melissa had a similar experience, and said her tattoo, which was on her back, healed much faster than she was accustomed to as well. I would definitely recommend giving CBD a try for your tattoo aftercare.

Final thoughts

All in all, I was VERY impressed with how CBD helped the entire tattooing adventure from beginning to end. CBD helped relieve the pre-tattoo jitters, it made getting the tattoo itself far more comfortable and way less painful, and it really did seem to speed up tattoo healing time.

But I want to hear from you! Have you tried using CBD for any part of the tattoo process? What were your results? Everyone is different, so it’s likely CBD won’t make everyone’s tattoo experience better, but for me, I’ll be using it before every tattoo from now on.

via Natural Healthy: Latest News