#a river of tears but the trust bond between them will always kill me

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep11 (part 1)

Breaking toxic bonds & accepting healthy ones isn’t a miracle. A bond that started with love could end up chained & toxic, another that started wrong could’ve become the joy of a life time. You can do it. Break the cycle of abuse & stand up for yourself, it is easy yet so difficult, you aren’t alone, tho, loved ones stand nearby cheering. Be kind on yourself, otherwise you’ll throw your life away. Life isn’t just happiness & joy, it’s also sadness & loneliness. Break free from the shackles that held you down. Embrace life & Live.

-Tohru’s “ I’m okay” mask is finally shattered! (the Importance of kyo’s rejection for her development):

This is the last part of tohru’s character development! The last few eps were abt her role in Akito’s redemption & their similarities. she staood up for herself & choose a path away from her mom while keeping her mom’s memory in a healthy manner. No more planning my life according to mom’s wishes, no more talking to mom ‘s picture 24/7. Now, I’ll plan my life & move forward even if it is with the guy mom said she cant forgive. even If it is without him, I’ll move forward. I love him so much, yet I won’t force our bond & let go. So easy yet so difficult!. tohru doesnt know anything abt kyo after her fall. All she remembers is his heart-broken face as he wept beside her. Those tears on his face, she caused them. He cried cuz it is too painful to see her hurt. She was a burden to him! tohru restored to her old coping mechanism of pretending “ i’m Okay” & smiling. She did so numerous times before. Always worked. No one noticed. Except him. Se02, ep7. he urged her to show her true fears. Now, she’s faced with a pain so big she can’t pretend no more. the pain of loosing him. She cried in front of yuki! The smile & chatting abt chores couldn’t conceal the running tears! Yuki’s first time seeing her like that. Se01, ep14, yuki wondered how could tohru smile after her mom’s death. She can’t pretend no more! She’ll have to wear her feelings on her sleeve! cuz it IS ok to do so! She tells kyo to give her a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t lie & pretend like she did with yuki. Here she either run away or just try to compose myself! I LOVE THAT! This way, whenever kyo/tohru fight or have any misunderstanding in the future as a couple, you’ll know tohru won’t just bear it & pretend, “ i;m okay” No! she’ll talk to kyo & express herself! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! It gives her so much strength as a human & I’m happy all the obstacles & set backs in kyo/tohru’s romantic journey has led them to be better ppl little by little to build healthier & more realistic love! 

-The mechanics of writing a compelling slow-burn romance:

1. Igniting the romantic feelings slowly: Slow burns don’t work with love at 1st sight. It must first sparkle naturally, slowly & subtly. Both kyo & tohru repeatedly stated they don’t know exactly when they first fell in love. The author’s decision to create an environment where the two live together is a genius way to start & nurture their romance quietly & subtly. Kyo was tricked to stay in shigure’s house while tohru had to stay cuz she had no home, Natural reasons that force the two to spend days together & get to know each other gradually.

2. Dynamics of their personalities: For slow burns to work, the two characters need to be similar yet opposites! Kyo & tohru are both kind, endearing, innocent, good at chores, independent & hardworking. They both have history with their mothers that is filled with love yet traumas. However, tohru is calm yet prefer maneuvering around subjects, can’t stand up for herself, reads ppl easily, tends to trust ppl easily & disregard herself. Kyo is fierce, strong, tends to distrust ppl, despite ppl loving his spontaneous character, he has hard time figuring out if they’re mocking him or teasing him, very straightforward with his words & actions. The similarities helps them understand each other, however, the differences creates chances to clash & come even closer thro various situation. Ex, se01, ep2, kyo apologizing for hitting her head with the table which created the situation where she needed to confess she always loved the cat zodiac! It is HER gush of emotions that struck kyo. ppl really want my friendship? the cat is loved? Thro those difference they learned to better themselves so they won’t hurt the other, kyo toning down his anger for her, tohru desiring to know him even more as he becomes even more awkward.

3. Creating natural, realistic  & convincing obstacles that prevents them from being together:  This is the most important part! Slow-burn is two characters in love & cant be together despite everyone wanting them to be! if the reason that stops them from uniting is trivial, stupid, one-sided, can easily be solved, then the slow-burn would be a fillery & no one would cheer for it! Takaya-san is a genius!

Kyo can’t be with tohru cuz he thinks (a) he killed her mom! we saw thr flashback, he could’ve saved her & couldn’t save her. It was a split of a second difference & he hates himsef for NOT trying! that split of a second also prevented from thinking of better ways to save her than holding her! it happened to fast, he couldn't think of a better alternative cuz this was his 2nd time loosing someone (b) his mom’s sucide being pinned as his fault created this immense guilt & defeated feeling that “ no matter what, I just cause death & misery! There’s (c) too!, he knew tohru! thinks she deserves the world & cuz he didnt save her mom, he watched tohru talk to a freaking picture for two years! heck! he is the only one who can see thro tohru’s “ i;m okay” mask, so in se01, ep 14 in the grave yard! kyo wasnt the only one who is sad! tohru was too! & kyo could tell! (d) her mom’s death is the reason tohru is accepting shigure’s offer to stay with them rent-free in exchange of doing housework! (e)? he saw her confess crying her heart out abt missing her mom so much that she imitated her dad! so tragicly sad! (f) he saw her die in his nightmare!! how can he accept her love,now? Perfectly orchestrated obstacles! 

Tohru, unfortunately, in the anime it wasn't that clear due to shortening her backstories & trauma in se03, ep6. But she too couldn’t see herself confessing love to kyo. Tohru is has low self-esteem, always thinks she’s a burden to others, an orphan who just wants her mom, so scared, lonely & sad! we the audience believed the mask! we saw her work her motherly charm yuki, isusuz, kisa & believe her issues are not that deep.  tohru wont cry for herself but shed rivers for others! grief is so ugly it broke her! I cant let go of mom, must keep her always in my heart, such a hard emotions to write & I believe 100% the director couldn’t understand her grief & decided to split ep6 between her, kyo, isuzu & shigure. But Tohru struggling to confess to kyo is no laughing matter. ppl who are grieving find it the hardest to live after the loved ones die. they wont mostly commit suicide, they are alive, but they arent living. they just go thro the motions & live for the sake of those around them but not themselves. Tohru deciding to confess to kyo is her deciding to live for herself.

4. Writing a perfect psychologically & emotionally packed climax: I dont need to explain how perfect kyo’s rejection of tohru in se03 ep9 was. How much we felt for him yet were mad at him. He we were “ ugh! kyo no!!!! I mean I get why you do that , but you idiot no! come back! poor kyo! He was just so sad & broken! OMG he’ll kill himself after finding tohru’s injured body!! he totally would! his nightmare came true! But Tohru reached him! she wanted him to be okay! he wont kill himself but still feels hella guilty! but so utterly in love with her that his instinct upon seeing her come to life after near death is kiss her! Perfect display of psychology & emotions! filled with right, wrong, sad, happy, guilty, innocent! basically so human~ As the audience you MUST have this mixture of feelings of wanting to hug him so bad cuz this boy has been killing himself for years now yet want him to stop & just see that he was a good boy afterall. Tohru is THE best girl & if the audience are cheering for kyo to be with her, kyo really deserves her! The only problem is for kyo to see that now.

5. The Perfect wrap up of all romance: If you make your audience suffer the slow-burn this long, you gotta reward them good! & Takaya-san delivered! Just like how the entire romantic story is realistic, the reunion must be as realistic too! Tohru is hurt by kyo;s words. Facts remain his words were hurtful to her. I love that was addressed! tohru gets to tell her side, too! If you love someone, you are bound to be hurt by them as much as be happy with them. Simply cuz they matter so much to you! you arent one person, but two ppl coming together. Kyo must work hard for this confession. Must run & chase her. Must earn her proper! He gets on his knees, I cant express how important that is! he is way taller than her, Imagine apologizing while she looks way up & he looks down? He gets on his knees & apologize like a man, for every mistake, all while not loathing himself. He aint going back to that deep abyss again. He did wrong by her & he is owning up to his mistakes. Give me one chance. I’m not gonna force you with persistence or guilt you into taking me. Give me ONE chance cuz i deserve it & no more. The choice is yours. She asks to confirm, he shows her, they kiss, they hug, they are rewarded with a blessing from the heavens! One of the most simple yet emotionally fulfilling confessions in anime!

- Hugs over kisses: (And her kiss hugs her & the curse was lifted):

Prince charming kisses the princess & she wakes up~ they live ever after~ except furuba is all abt “ eternal ever after is not true, real life is where the real love is”

Kyo kissed tohru once, she didnt wake up, she didnt even think he loved her back. didnt even remember the kiss.

Kyo hugged tohru once. se01, e024, He initiated it, tohru was all in tears, surprised, happy & so utterly in love. he called her name for the first time ever, for a brief moment, they both connected, they both comforted each other. The rain stopped, he became a man not a monster, she got him back. She got her kyo that she fought for with none other than kyo himself.

kyo hugged her again, se03, ep6. They both initiated it. He made the first move, pulling her just a little closer, she made the second move & hugged him hard, he transformed, it was a moment were they both connected, both so sad & broken, both feeling needy for the other, both desperate for the other, both just living the moment. the result is them coming closer, her wanting him more, him realizing her love, there is no escape. Admit it. she loves you. You can tell.

Kyo hugs her again today. He asks permission. No spur of the moment feeling. But a long lasting permission to be together. To hug. He wants to hear her acceptance of his cursed body. “ is ok to hug you? this body will cause you pain as it wont be able to fulfill your wishes of constant hugs & intimacy”. She responds, permission granted, for love, for hugs, for a life long acceptance of you as a whole. weakness & strength, sadness & happiness. I accept you all in better & worse! we’re invincible. Why? cuz we understand love isnt magic. It is a path for us to walk together~~~ reward curse break!

Every time kyoru are closer it is a hug. The one thing the zodiacs cant do. A hug. They can kiss. But cant hug. comes this Zodiac Ruler girl so lonely, away from ppl, so sad, meets a cat boy who comes to the house she’s living in, a house away from ppl, the boy is drawn to the girl, However, when the boy needed to leave, the girl was able to let go despite loving him, the boy comes again, this time wanting to stay, the girl accepts the boy. They both accept the realistic reality of life. Embrace the obstacles & the achievements, celebrates the weakness above the strength. Both so imperfect. Both so endearingly dumb! that’s why the girl’s hug broke the boy’s curse. The girl’s acceptance of the cat broke all curses.

Side Note:

Kyo’s confession is so kyo! so straightforward, so direct, & so physical. He’s on his knees, holding her hands, looking at her eyes. “ i want to be WITH you. If I’m gona live, I want to to do it with you & no one else! cuz I love you” that’s it. That’s all.  So sincere & so romantic!

it is crazy how different tohru & kyo are now after the confession! she stood confidently & happily & said “dont you know, I love you!” all while teasing him, her giggle is so girlish & cute! my girl is a happy woman in love! long buried the angelic mother image of se02! YES! also, kyo’s happy face is love! Dude! when was the last time he smiled so freely? Did he ever do that? He smiled in se01, ep4 with kazmua, but not like this! T_T. my son is healing~

Kyo’s “ i wont ever feel afraid if you’re with me” is a huge growth from his “ I want to protect her” mindset. Now he realizes it is two-sided mutual desire. She gives him strength as much as he does! <3

I dont like open eye while kissing, but here it is so perfect for tohru in this moment! cuz she spent days thinking kyo rejected her & even ran away as soon as she saw him, now he’s not only confessing, apologizing, admitting she is his life, but also kissing her signaling they’re romantic couple. kissing on lips is so personal, what more evidence she needs? still, her thoughts? “ it’s like a dream?” aww~~~ tohru~~~ my precious girl! she just cant believe all her suffering is over, now? She was just practicing “ i’m okay” smile & now she’s an official girlfriend to the man of her dreams? He just bent da kneeee~ go for it queen!

yuki’s face when tohru cried is exactly what I meant of “ allowing yuki to have strong facial expressions”! XD these types of faces humanize yuki so much into the teenage boy he is! Unfortunately the anime team only sees him as the pretty prince in most times. That’s why fave yuki is when he’s with kakeru. He becomes so un-princly as he should be.

Speaking of yuki, I see you anime team~ postponing his moment into next ep so him & machi wont be overshadowed by the long awaited kyoru!! While this defies the perfection of all cursed zodiacs breaking on the same ep making akito’s breakdown less perfect & poetic, I take it as the anime team admitting they underdeveloped yuchi & decided let’s give them more screen time & not putting them in close distance from any couple. A week later ep is enough with lots of time. I dont mind at all, I’m just saying more time after/while confession is not what i was hoping for~~ sigh~ At least I hope yuki would say sth along the lines” all this time I was looking at you, i realized i love you” to imply he was thinking of her as a lover not his kindness for someone he helped. I just dont want their love to be sudden simply cuz yuki needs happy ending. oh well~ I’m sure whatever it will be, the anime will give it utmost attention.

That sad moment when kagura wasnt allowed a moving image. lol. girl was given a still image that didnt even move with the breeze! T_T

Not gonna lie... the scene with kazuma & kyo was underwhelming. Why the wide shot? I mean you dont need budget for that. Just give me a closeup from the waist up with kyo head buried in kazuma’s chest. Dont need to waste budget on kazuma’s face, either.... do the old trick of hair covering eyes & show me glittery tears~  why the awkward shot of kazma towering in his own house! how tall is this man & why cant he he fix his roof?...lol

Also, shigure, you got scars man... who can hurt shigure? akito? gotta be her. I dont think hatori scratches...lol.. Aya? nah~ too busy with Mine! yup, akito... another steamy night? could be, she’s changed as he wish now. But scratching a face is weird while..um..kissing? a quarrel? but why? I bet she wants him now & we know he wants her....

More on part 2! especially abt the curse’s lore~

[starstwinkleplanetsshine]

Dear Wormwood

Inspired by the song "Dear Wormwood" by The Oh Hellos, Darth Vader looks back on the last 20 years of his life and the events that led him to becoming Emperor Palpatine's apprentice and wishes he could take it all back. But just when all hope seemed lost, when Vader accepted he was doomed to live a shell of a man, every day filled with pain and regret, a glimmer of hope and Light appears to him in the form of his son, Luke Skywalker.

Luke believes there is still good in Vader, and deep down, he knows his son is right. But is it enough to make things right, or is the Light buried under too much darkness?

Read on AO3

“When I was a child

I didn't hear a single word you said

The things I was afraid of

They were all confined beneath my bed”

Vader awoke from his agonizing nightmare with a start, the same way he greeted every new day. As images of red rivers and blue blades and flowing brunette hair and bouncy lekku and burning suns faded away into the stark grey walls around him, he cursed his sleep for reminding him of a time long gone. In the early years when the weight of his losses still threatened to crush him, when the mere thought of the man who called him brother or the woman who called him husband or the girl who called him master threatened to crumple him into a ball on the floor with a single thought, he never allowed himself to sleep. He survived on hatred and anger alone, letting his suffering be his rest. It was the only way. 

But now, nearly 25 years later, those thoughts brought only a sharp sting. Vader didn’t know if he was becoming numb to the pain or if he wasn’t as affected by it anymore, and he didn’t know which answer frightened him more. And now, nearly two decades later, events had taken place that caused all those old feelings to rise to the surface, all the memories of his life before which he had forced into the darkness were being dragged out to the light, and they were too blinding. 

The first crack had appeared three years ago when he stared into the eyes of a man he thought was a ghost. The moment when the blade of his saber struck his old master for the last time, Vader felt a shattering deep within him, inside a dark and dusty corner of his heart that he hadn’t felt in decades. He felt a thin and decaying string, once golden and shining, finally snap. Vader didn’t even know his bond with Obi-Wan was still there until he felt it break forever. 

The next crack appeared one year ago when Vader had learned of the survival of his son. Being a father was a dream that died alongside the Republic, alongside Padme, alongside Anakin. Just another loss to add to the growing list. Learning that that was not true, that the child born of the only woman he had ever loved was living, breathing, moving with The Force, had awoken something deep within Vader that he thought would stay dormant forever. But Vader could only remember his son in times of absolute strength, for thoughts of Luke always led him back to his mother, and those thoughts led him back to the time when his days were filled with laughter and golden sunlight. A time of blue eyes, not yellow, of smooth skin and golden-honey hair, not black metal and machinery, a time where the world was shades of blues and greens and purples and golds, not red. 

A time of Padme Amidala. Ahsoka Tano. A time of Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Names that all died with the Republic. 

Obi-Wan. 

Now that was a name that caused fire to burn inside Vader, a fire full of passion and hatred and love and regret. They say the line between love and hate is thin, that those two emotions were closer than any other, and since that day on Mustafar all those years ago, Vader knew why. He couldn’t think of the man he once called master without being filled with bitterness and regret, for his betrayal stung so because his love for him once ran so deep. Obi-Wan was the one person the man who had once been Anakin loved the most, trusted the most, the one who could always calm the storm swirling within him, the only one who could contain it when it threatened to erupt and destroy everything good and light. 

Now he was the man who Vader hated with every ounce of metal keeping him alive. 

He thought finally killing Obi-Wan would also kill the ache within him, the pain he blamed on his old master. But it turns out it was never Obi-Wan who caused the pain, it had truly been Vader all along. For twenty years after that dark night on Mustafar, the image of Obi-Wan that was frozen in Vader’s memory was the one who cut off all his limbs and left him for dead, burning and gasping for air beside an unforgiving torrent of fire. But ever since he had struck the fatal blow, his revenge upon Obi-Wan that Vader had dreamed about for nearly two decades, that was no longer the image he associated with Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

For the past few years, the thought of his old master brought back images of warm smiles and reassuring shoulder pats. It brought back fondness and memories of fighting alongside him during the Clone Wars, even memories from before that when Anakin was still a child. Their first sparring match. Sitting across from his old master meditating. The nights Obi-Wan would stay up late helping Anakin with his Temple assignments. All those nights Anakin sheepishly walked into Obi-Wan’s room after a particularly bad dream, his eyes still wet with tears. Remembering how he would let Anakin curl up next to him under his pillow and sing ancient lullabies to him until his breathing steadied and his heart slowed enough for him to finally drift back to sleep.

Only in his moments of strength could Vader remember the words Obi-Wan spoke to Anakin all those years ago, when his old master would remind him he no longer had anything to fear, that no matter what dangers or trials the young boy faced, he would always be by his side, guiding him and protecting him. 

Obi-Wan promised that he would always be there. 

But deep down, Anakin could never truly believe him. 

-----

“But the years have been long

And you have taught me well to hide away

The things that I believed in

You've taught me to call them all escapes”

One year since Vader found out his child survived. Four years since Vader struck down the man he labeled his greatest enemy. 23 years since Anakin Skywalker died on Mustafar. 24 years since Anakin failed his padawan and she walked away from him. 26 years since Anakin lost his mother on Tatooine. 36 years since Anakin first entered the Jedi Temple. 

If only Vader could go back and tell that little boy of nine years old all that was in store for him in the years ahead. All the fear and pain and heartbreak and suffering. But also the joy and laughter and bliss and growth. 

If only he could tell him that it would all be worth it, that he could survive the pain without using the help of the Darkside. That he could trust the people who loved him, who truly cared for him, and that being a Jedi was the greatest gift he had ever been given. 

If only he could say that that was true. 

But time didn’t work like that. 

Vader sat alone in his silent chambers on the very planet where the only thing more red than the lava flows beneath him was the glowing of his lightsaber and the hatred deep in his soul. He thought back on all the years, on all the moments that led him to becoming the empty shell of a man he was, and he wondered just where he went wrong. Looking back, he could see it all so clearly, his mistakes like a map leading him straight to the dark. He often wondered where it all started--if he had never left Tatooine would it still be like this? Was it his selfish choice of love over duty, or maybe it was his first violent outburst of revenge against the Tusken Raiders who murdered his mother? Or was it every soul he couldn't save during the Clone War? Or perhaps the way he failed his padawan and lost trust of the council forever? Or could it have been his outrage at not being granted the rank of Master? 

Or was he doomed to darkness from the moment he was born under the harsh cruelty of the Twin Suns? 

Vader tried to keep himself occupied with anything, everything--military strategies, saber techniques, even tinkering with droids--just as long as his mind was busy so he didn’t run the risk of remembering. He couldn’t let himself dwell on those thoughts for more than moments, for if he did, his strength threatened to fail him. 

No. 

He had to remember the way Obi-Wan failed him. The way Padme betrayed him. The way Ahsoka abandoned him. The fact that Anakin Skywalker was too weak. For if he remembered the truth, then he could never actually live with himself. 

-----

“I know who you are now

I know who you are

I know who you are now”

Vader could feel the shifting tides of the Force like a riptide surrounding him. Ever since he had learned that the young rebel who blew up 20 years of strenuous work with a single shot was his son, Vader hadn’t known peace. 

If he was truly honest with himself, though, Vader had never known peace. But the man Vader once was did, and its name was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Padme Amidala. Rex. Ahsoka Tano. 

He slowly walked to the large window in the side of his ship and gazed down to the Forest Moon below. His son was down there, he could feel his presence in the Force like a beacon of light in a dark tempest, guiding him to safety. 

Maybe, just maybe, could it be possible for Vader to know peace once again? 

No. 

Any hope of that was long gone. 

But perhaps…

Vader closed his eyes and opened himself up to the tides of the Force, just as his old master had taught him to do. For the first time in a long time he didn’t try to control it or channel it through his anger, pain, or passion, he simply let go and let the Force show him what she wanted him to see. He wasn’t surprised when the face of a man with sky-blue eyes and a kind, bearded smile swirled around his memory. 

For the last four years, the face of Obi-Wan had followed him like a shadow he could never run from. At first it only fueled his anger, but now it piqued Vader’s curiosity. Why now, years after his death, years after he killed him, did the face of his old master continue to haunt him? He was beginning to wonder if it was for a purpose, if maybe The Force was trying to tell him something, something he was refusing to hear. 

The Force used to sing to him, back when he was called Anakin, and she would wrap herself around him in golden light and carry him along her gentle current. 

But it had been years since he had unplugged his ears and let himself listen to her song, and Vader wondered if she could still sing. 

He also wondered if this feeling that he felt when he thought of Luke, the ache in his heart he felt when he gazed upon his son, if maybe that was the same feeling that Obi-Wan once felt when he looked upon him. He remembered a time long ago when he felt something similar when looking at a young Togruta with the kindest eyes and an even kinder heart. 

Vader thought he could almost name the feeling. 

Obi-Wan once said he had loved Anakin, and now Vader could admit that that must've been true. 

And Anakin knew he had once loved him too. 

-----

“There before the threshold

I saw a brighter world beyond myself

And in my hour of weakness”

You were there to see my courage fail”

All Anakin ever wanted was to protect the ones he loved. He believed in the hope of a world where he could keep pain away from all those he called his own, a world where everything was right and just and beautiful and safe, all because he had made it so. He was raised to stand up for those who couldn't, to use his gifts and power to help others, both by his mother and his master. He always knew he was special, but he never wanted to be great for his own sake. No, everything Anakin ever did was motivated by those he loved, and he just wanted to create a better, brighter world for the galaxy. 

Everything he did, he did for others. 

Or so he thought he did. 

He thought that by becoming a Jedi he would be able to spread goodness and light, justice and peace to the galaxy. So where did it all go so wrong? 

Looking back on it all now, Vader could see how blind he was. How blinded by fear and possessiveness, obsession and the inability to let go. Like a child who loves an injured bird too much and squeezes it between its fist, never realizing that it was its desire to help and protect that ultimately ended up killing it. He called it the need to protect the one he loved, but now he could name it for what it was: selfishness. And it was that selfishness that brought his whole world crumbling down around him. All that was left in the wake of that dark night on Mustafar were shattered dreams and dashed hopes crashing around the one who used to be Anakin like forsaken ashes, his old life going up in smoke along with the Jedi temple. 

And who was there to watch him burn it all to the ground but the one man he never wanted to let down. The one man he had striven to please since he was a small boy of nine, the one man who he had loved like a father, a brother, a best friend. 

Obi-Wan had sworn to always be by Anakin’s side, so it was only fitting that he would be there to witness his worst mistake. 

Anakin never wanted to fail anyone, especially Obi-Wan. 

And in the end, he failed everyone. 

You're breaking my heart…

You were my brother…

I won't leave you, not this time… 

Vader still couldn’t think of all that he lost without hearing the echoes of his past.

----- 

“For the years have been long

And you have taught me well to sit and wait

Planning without acting

Steadily becoming what I hate”

Vader could remember a time long ago when he confided in a man he thought of as a grandfather, a man who he trusted, who told him he could trust him. He couldn’t see it then, the years of careful manipulation and meticulous planning that Palpatine went through to gain Anakin’s trust. Like a serpent whispering in Anakin’s ears telling him he had to keep secrets from those who truly loved him, making the boy believe he was the only one who would understand. Feeding him the lie that if he ever truly opened up, everyone would hate what they saw. If he shared his fears with Obi-Wan he would be kicked out of the order and sent straight back to Tatooine, back into the chains to which he was born. 

So he kept it all inside. 

And he told his feelings to only one man, the one man who only ever saw him as a pawn, a means to an end. 

But by the time he saw the truth, it was too late. 

It wasn’t until Anakin was gone and Vader was clad in metal and machine, and he felt the first of many lightning bolts that Palpatine used to keep him in line. It wasn’t until he tried to speak of his fears, his losses, his hurt, to the now-Emperor only to receive nothing but punishment in return that he realized it was never real. 

So he retreated even further into himself, for now he was truly alone. 

He looked back in regret on all the years he thought he had no one to turn to, able to see now that that couldn't have been farther from the truth. How had he let himself feel so alone in the days where he was surrounded by those who loved and cared for him, immersed in a community of family bonded by The Force? 

It almost made him laugh to think of how wrong he was. 

For in Anakin’s emptiest moments he still had more than Vader ever would at his fullest. 

Vader stood in front of the Emperor, the man he had called master for the last 20 years but who never truly deserved the title, with his shields high and impenetrable. He couldn’t let Palpatine see the turmoil within him, and over the years Vader had gotten skilled at hiding his true feelings, even from himself at times. But especially now as his master told him of how he would have to either turn his son to the dark or destroy him, he was thankful that his thoughts were only his own. 

The path of the darkside or destruction. 

‘Those are the same thing’ Vader thought to himself. ‘And I will not see my son fall down the same path that I did.’

Vader stared forward, and the smallest part within him was grateful for the mask that hid his features from the prying eyes of Emperor Palpatine. For years Vader had suffered under his hand, doing his will without complaint or hesitation because he had nowhere else to turn. In his greatest moment of weakness he had burned everything good he had ever loved, and so there was nothing left to do but turn away from the light of the flames and follow the dark. It's what he deserved--torment and pain and suffering. 

But now there was the smallest glimmer of light, and it was burning inside Vader once again. Inside the shell which used to be as black as a bottomless cave there was now a long-forgotten ember, lit by the boy called Luke. Luke Skywalker. 

Skywalker. 

But even with the light beginning to glow within him, Vader knew it was too late for him. He was already doomed, and the man he once was had been destroyed. 

Palapatine had made sure of that. 

-----

“I know who you are now

I know who you are

I know who you are now”

Palpatine. 

How many years had Vader spent blaming Obi-Wan, blaming Anakin, blaming the Jedi, the council, the Republic, the war, anything but the one man who’s fault it truly was. 

And why had it taken so long for him to see the truth? 

Why was it not until Vader came face to face with his son, face to face with goodness and light and hope for the first time in decades, that he was able to see his master for who he truly was?

-----

“I have always known you

You have always been there in my mind

But now I understand you

And I will not be part of your designs”

For years Vader played his part, doing his master's terrible bidding without hesitation. Denying the parts of himself that refused to die, the soft spots in his crystalized heart which he could never turn completely to stone. In the beginning he had told himself that he was doing the right thing, that the Jedi were traitors and the reason the Republic fell. That the Empire would bring peace and security to the galaxy, that he was ushering in a new age of prosperity for all. That The Emperor saw things clearly and that he wanted the best for him and the people in the Empire. But eventually he could not be blind to those lies, so he traded his optimism for apathy, following orders out of a sense of duty and the feeling that he was in too deep to get out now. 

When Vader, no, Anakin, was a boy he had been a slave. His life was not his own, everything he did was controlled by another. When he ate, when he worked, when he played, when he slept. He could be beaten or even killed in an instant for something as insignificant as his master's poor temper. It was an exhausting existence, one without peace or rest. 

But he was given a new life when he was nine years old. For the first time in his life, Anakin was given freedom. But even then, even from his first moments of true happiness and liberation, Palpatine was there whispering lies in his ear. 

“You’re still calling someone master” he would hiss. 

“No, it's different. I’m a Jedi now. It’s an honor to call Obi-Wan master.” Anakin would counter, believing every word. 

“You're still being told when to eat, when to work, when to play, when to sleep.” Palpatine’s manipulations started from a very young age. 

“No, it’s different. I made a choice to be a Jedi, I’m not being forced to do anything.” Anakin’s new life as a Jedi was nothing like being a slave on Tatooine.

 Right? 

“But was it your choice? Is this really the life you want? I only want you to be happy, my boy.” 

Anakin never knew how to respond to that. 

Slowly, steadily, over time, Anakin began to wonder if there was truth to the venom Palpatine had been injecting into his brain. Maybe he was still a slave. A slave to duty. A slave to the Republic. A slave to the Jedi. 

Anakin never wanted to be a slave again. 

So he swore to put an end to it. To get out. To be free and the only one in control of his life. But the only thing he succeeded in doing was in tightening his chains, wrapping himself with ropes of metal and locking himself in a prison of hate. 

For Vader could now look back and see what he could not see then, that he was never a slave as a Jedi.

But he was one now. 

And now his master was requiring of him an impossible task, to hand over his son to endure the same fate he did. To doom Luke to serve the same dark master and force hatred and passion and anger to consume his soul and corrupt him into something unrecognizable, twisting him into a monster. 

Vader hadn’t failed his master in years, but he had a choice to make now. Should he continue to be faithful to a man who took everything from him, to an Empire that only left death and destruction in its wake? Or would he finally put an end to it all, finally turn back towards the light that used to be his home? 

Vader had been a mere pawn to Palpatine for as long as he could remember. 

A slave. 

He vowed when he left Tatooine he would never be a slave again. 

-----

“I know who I am now

And all that you've made of me

I know who you are now

And I name you my enemy”

Vader’s heart was a whirlwind of conflict as he stood in front of his son and his master. As much as he tried to fight it, to push it down, to keep his mind focused solely on the Dark, he couldn’t ignore the call to the Light that plagued him at the mere thought of his son. It was even stronger now as Luke stood before him, like a beacon of hope, and Vader didn’t know how much longer he could fight it. 

He couldn’t bear to listen to the words the Emperor was speaking to his son, the same lies and empty promises that were made to him so many years ago. He only hoped that, unlike himself, Luke was able to see through the falsehoods for what they truly were, and he hoped his son could resist. 

For even now the Dark had such a strong hold on Vader that he was still doing his master’s bidding, fighting his son and trying to turn him. But his mind was at war with itself, and his soul was being torn in two, his loyalty to his Dark master being ripped apart by his love for his son and his old connection to the Light. 

His unfocus betrayed him and he soon found himself on the ground at the mercy of his son, bested in combat as he felt anger and darkness swirl around Luke. No, he could not destroy his son, but it was not out of weakness. As he felt the Darkside grow like a rising tide around Luke, Vader’s heart tightened in his chest. He could not bear to see his son fall down the same path as he did, he didn’t want the same pain and torment to follow him and fill his days with nothing but agony and regret. And as he lay with Luke looming over him, hearing The Emperor urge Luke to finish him off, to take his place at his side, to join the darkness and rule the galaxy with fear and terror, Vader, for the first time in over two decades, could finally see it all for what it was. 

For now he knew. 

Vader wasn't born of Anakin, buried deep within the boy just waiting for the right moment to emerge. 

He was made. 

Forged by Palpatine and molded out of the hatred and desperation the Emperor had instilled in the boy, carefully crafted over years of subtlety. 

It had taken decades, but Vader finally saw through the lies. 

In an instant Vader had the Emperor in his hands lifted high above his head. He could feel the Force lightning coursing through his suit, singeing whatever flesh was left of him, overheating circuits and frying power couplings. He knew that this would be the last act he ever did, and yet Anakin felt a peace flow through him that was more powerful than the electricity. 

For the first time in a long time, Anakin was finally doing something right. 

-----

“I know who I am now

I know who I want to be…”

For years Vader had wanted nothing more than to turn back the hands of time and take it all back, take back every mistake he ever made that led to the destruction of everything he ever loved and held close. He wished through strangled sobs that he could hold his wife again, that he could see the smile of his old master with his shining blue eyes, hear the banter of his young padawan who always made him so proud. What he wouldn't do to feel the sunlight upon his skin as he strolled through the gardens of the Jedi temple, listening to the sounds of murmured conversations and ringing laughter as the Force flowed through him like a gentle river, carrying with it peace and love and Light. For twenty years he had cursed himself for his selfishness and greed, for his destruction of anything good and pure in the galaxy. If he could take it all back, he would. In an instant. Without hesitation. Even if it meant losing his life, he would give anything to go back to how it was, before the dark times, before the Empire. 

But he never could, he told himself it was impossible. 

But now, looking at his son, now he saw there was a way. 

He couldn’t turn back time, but he could make a better future, for his son had been right. There was still goodness in him, and Anakin was done leaving it in the darkness.

It was time to return to the light. 

For he finally understood. 

All of the mistakes he ever made he made because he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go of his fear of losing those he loved, he couldn’t let go of his pain, his grief, his losses, his doubts. He couldn’t let go of his need to control. And so this refusal of peace had led him to darkness, down a path where everything was gripped firmly in his hands, even if it burnt or cut him. 

But he had finally learned to let go, and in doing so, he could finally make things right. 

Luke saved Anakin, so it was only fair that he saved his son in return. 

Anakin could feel the Second Death Star rumbling around him and he fought the call of unconsciousness as his son dragged him towards a ship, but he knew what Luke did not, that it was too late for him.

No, not too late. It was just in time.

  “Help me take this mask off” Anakin struggled to speak as his life support began to fail.

“But you’ll die.” Luke was still holding onto hope. 

“Nothing can stop that now,” Anakin had accepted his fate, the death that seemed long overdue. “Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes.” Vader was dead, he fell to his destruction alongside Emperor Palpatine, and that mask belonged to him. But those eyes, those blue eyes who longed to gaze at his son's face for the last time, those were Anakin’s. 

As the Force began to swirl around him, gently singing her ancient lullabies, songs Anakin used to hear but had been deaf to for so long now, he needed to say one final thing to his son, the one who saved him, who reminded him of who he truly was. 

“You were right. Tell your sister…” 

How Anakin wished he could look upon her in this moment, too. He regretted all the time he lost, he hated that his only times with his daughter were moments when he was hunting her, hurting her, causing her to fear and hate him. He thought of her resilience, her strength, her determination, her beauty. Her commitment to justice and goodness in the face of tyranny, how she never backed down from a fight. He remembered how she could command a room, how she knew her worth and she never let anyone diminish it. He thought of her love for her family, her people, her planet, and her love of the light, and he was so proud of her. In his daughter's eyes he saw Padme Amidala, and he stole a smile thinking of how Leia was continuing her mother’s legacy, whether she knew it or not. He could only hope that she would listen to Luke and maybe, just maybe, be able to forgive him enough, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

“...you were right.” 

The world around him grew darker now, the Force moving in closer and transitioning his spirit from this world to the next. He looked into his son’s eyes one final time, seeing nothing but goodness and light, and he breathed his last, letting go and releasing himself into the larger will of the Force. 

And as he went, he felt only peace. 

Darkness gave way to light, and as he opened his eyes in a new plane of existence, he was greeted by a face that he would recognize anywhere, regardless of the effects of age and two harsh suns beating down upon it. 

“Hello there, my old Padawan.” 

And without a moment of hesitation, eyes brimming with tears, Anakin Skywalker fell into the open arms of Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

“...I want to be more than

This devil inside of me.”

[airi-p4]

Second chances - Lukagami

@katydoodles ‘s Lukagami / Viperuko art from the other day made me finally finish this WIP I had abandoned for months. It follows my headcanon of Ryuko hating Luka because there are no second chances in her family and how they could become friends (and more than friends). 

I think Lukagami has true bonding potential and they are underrated.

AO3

_____________________________________________________

It took years, but the final battle against Hawkmoth was over.

All miraculous holders were needed, but it was worth it: they won. No more akumas, no more despair. Paris recovered its ‘ liberté’ , one of the country's founding values the flag is expected to represent for its people and to the world.

Viperion sighed in relief. He was glad his second changes managed to keep everyone safe. Protecting all his partners wasn't easy, especially when they attack recklessly like Ryuko or Chat Noir. He made use of many second chances, finding out about all the heroes secret identities in the process. At least, he was the only one who remembered. And the long battle- and the war- was over, so it didn't really matter anymore.

The snake miraculous wielder decided to check once again for the rest of the heroes. Rena Rouge and Carapace were hugging in celebration. Queen Bee was rolling her eyes at them and posing for the Parisians, who were taking photos. Pegasus, Roi Singe and Bunnyx were happily dancing together. And it was hard for him to watch how Ladybug was consoling Adrien, heartbroken to find out his father had been a villain all along.

Viperion turned his head away at the sight of them kissing, hurt. As his gaze turned away, he heard something behind him: crying sounds. He looked back to see the owner of the spilled tears, his eyes gazing at the strong yet fragile Dragon Miraculous wielder.

"Ryuko, are you ok?" He asked.

"No, I'm not" the dragon lady answered between sobs.

Of course she wasn't. She was crying rivers. ' What a stupid thing to ask ', thought Luka. His eyes moved to her arm, at some painfully looking scratches.

"Did you get injured? I'm sorry I didn't notice. I would have called the second chance if I did. But I'm glad we still have the miraculous ladybug power to repair the damages, yours included" Viperion tried to give her some understanding.

"My damage won't be healed by any miraculous power. It's irreversible" she weeped in a broken cry.

"Oh, you meant that…" looking at how Ladybug was kissing Chat Noir - or better said, Kagami's boyfriend, Adrien, kissing Luka's girlfriend, Marinette. She was as heartbroken as he was. Maybe even more, considering she didn't know about her boyfriend's superhero job. It caught her unprepared, and she had a lot of information to process. He couldn't say her reaction was unexpected...

Identities had been revealed during that last fight, a few moments ago. After finding out Hawkmoth was Gabriel Agreste, Adrien tried to convince him by revealing himself. At the end it didn't work and Ladybug needed all their superhero team in order to win. And they won. Including a final act of Ladybug comforting Chat Noir and both of them reciprocating their feelings with a sealing kiss.

Luka had been trying to avoid looking at them and focus on their superheroes partners instead, Ryuko being especially affected. ' Of course she would be ' he thought.

"You knew about them? You knew that I've never stood a chance?"

"I found out about them during one of my second chances".

"Why didn't you tell me!? I've been trying my best for nothing! Such a waste of time. I hate you"

"Kagami. Weren't you happy while it lasted? Didn't you make happy memories with him? I think that's good enough knowing how the situation is. Just treasure those memories"

"What's the point of memories if you don't have someone to talk about them? Or someone to share them with? I had one chance and I've lost. And it's over. There are no second chances in my family, you know?"

The awkward silence that formed broke with a voice "Miraculous Ladybug!" and Ryuko’s injuries healed with the magical power of the ladybugs. Luka ignored them, swallowing his own pain, to speak again.

"Listen. Memories are precious no matter what. They are part of who we are and who we'll become. They give us growth. You just need to make good use of them. And as for second chances. You know that's my power. I believe in them. And I know you will have yours too"

*Beep beep*

"That's why I've always hated you. I don't even need to know who you are under the mask for that. Your power makes it sound like there's always hope. But there's not. Reality doesn't have second chances. You screw up once and you're ruined forever. Love is the same. I've lost and it's over for me"

"How can you be so sure? I have to agree not every aspect of life allows second chances… but love does. There are many types of love. You can have a second chance even if you keep close your memories of your first one. It doesn't even have to be romantic love. Family, friends, partners… What's important is to love and be loved. And more importantly, happiness. Being happy with who you are and how you cope with your loved ones"

*Beep beep*

"You talk too much. You are about to detransform. You should leave"

"No, it's ok. Hawkmoth is already defeated. No need for secrets or miraculous anymore"

"I really don't want to know who you are. I hate you and I would hate meeting you on the street. Go away!"

"You're too closed-minded and stubborn"

"So what!?"

"Nothing. But I really hope you listen to my advice. Even if you hate me, you know I'm correct"

"What do you know? I guess you're just some stupid boy jumping from one girl or boy to another, claiming it is love everytime when it's only either a game or being afraid of being alone, using many chances since your family is not strict as mine, playing around without knowing what true love feels like. Who do you think you are to give me lessons? I've loved Adrien more than anything, even more than myself. I've given him all I've got. But for what? He never loved me the same way. And now destiny claimed his love to bloom for Marinette- my best friend. My heart is broken and I can't stand the pain"

*Beep beep*

"Go! I don't want to see your face!" she insisted, angry for his silence

*Beep beep*Beep beep*Beep beep*

"Kagami" Viperion didn't move as his transformation was called off.

"Why are you still here?" Ryuko yelled, avoiding to look at him.

"Look at me. Look at me and tell me I don't know how you feel again". Luka's voice was serious and sounded familiar to Kagami.

So she turned to look at him and gasped in surprise. She was speechless.

"Nothing to say? Tell me again I know nothing about love. Tell me again no one can understand how you feel. Can you do it?" Tears were falling down his cheeks as he spoke and Kagami finally snapped out.

"I knew I hated you! How dare you! How can you say all those words when you're just as heartbroken as me!? I knew you were stupid but this…!! How can you believe in second chances after that? We are the same. It's all over for us!"

"No, it's not over. It's true I'm heartbroken and I'll never be able to stop loving Marinette… but I still believe in second chances"

"How? I don’t believe you" She asked, incredulous.

"I told you. Love will come in other forms. I have my sister, my mother and my music. I'm grateful for the love I have". He said peacefully.

"Well, good for you, but I have nothing. My ex-boyfriend and my best friend have betrayed me and they are now together. I can't even look at either of them. My mother is out of the picture too, and I have no more friends. I have nothing. I'm empty". Kagami's words were filled with sadness.

"No, you're not. You just need to learn how to make use of the love you're given. And you know? I would be happy to help you" he smiled a little.

"You? I hate you! I don't want your help!" She groaned in anger.

"See? That's why you think second chances don't exist. Because you're not willing to put your trust in them. I'll give you a second chance. Let it be friendship, partnership, rivality, whatever. I promise you chances are there for you. We're in the same boat, aren’t we?"

"Huh!? Are you crazy!?" Ryuko's sword was now pointing directly under his chin, close to stab his long slim neck.

At that moment, Ladybug and Chat Noir arrived where they were and Ryuko's transformation got called off.

"Hey. Oh… you know each other's identities…" Ladybug said.

"Marinette, Adrien" Luka called their names, hiding his strong disgust in his stomach.

"You know our identities, huh…" Both Ladybug and Chat Noir called off their transformations, before continuing. "I'm sorry Luka, Kagami. I hope we can still be friends…"

"I'm sorry too… I hope you can forgive me someday…" Adrien added.

"Of cour-" Luka's answer was cut down by Kagami.

"No. I can't be your friend anymore. The people I trusted the most betrayed me! How do you expect to-!"

And it was now her turn to get cut down by Luka's words. "Kagami. Second chance. Try again"

"Argh!! You're getting on my nerves with your stupid second chances! I hate you! All of you!! Get out of my face!"

"Kaga-" Adrien's voice started, but was interrupted by Luka again.

"Kagami. What do you have to lose? Use the chance I'm giving you. For yourself. Make use of it to find your happiness"

"Look, snake boy! I'm sick of your nonsense! If I had my sword with me I would chop all of you. Consider yourself lucky. I won't hesitate to kill you if you try to contact me, ANY of you" she threatened, angry and with tears on her eyes. "Goodbye"

But Luka spoke once again before she left.

"Think about it, Kagami. Feel free to come to my ship anytime if you change your mind. I know you are aware of the truth in my words"

"Never happening!!" She yelled back, before running away.

"Kagami… I was the worst with her…" said Adrien in regret.

"And I've been the worst with you, Luka… I've taken advantage of your feelings and now… I'm so sorry… I want you to know I really loved you. Thank you for everything. I hope you find someone who can love you at its fullest. You deserve to be happy…" she moved intending to give him a kiss on his cheek, but he stopped her.

"Just like you two. I wish you happiness. Thank you for everything, Marinette. Goodbye"

Luka left without looking back at the new couple, well aware they were sharing a kiss he couldn't bear to see.

________________________________________________

At the deck of his houseboat, Luka was sitting with his guitar, but was unable to do anything except to play sad melodies. Not even meditation helped to recover his calm. He was heartbroken and missed his ex-girlfriend Marinette more than anything.

' Shit. Kagami was right. This hurts like hell. How can I give advice when I've reached the absolute bottom. A second chance, huh… I'm not even convinced they exist anymore '

At that moment Kagami arrived to see him weeping in silence.

She looked angry and had puffy and swollen eyes due to her crying. Luka could easily tell she was exhausted from being sad and crying all this last week until the final battle ended, just like he had been trying to prevent himself from looking at his own face.

"So you really didn't believe in your own words, huh? I knew it. Always trying to act cool and show off, hiding your true feelings. If this music is what's now in your heart you are just as heartbroken as me. Why can't you be honest?" She asked.

"And what? Worry the others? Make them feel bad?" Luka answered, wiping off his tears. "No thank you".

"Yes, I get that. But I'm honest and I never hesitate. Unlike you" she stated.

"I don't hesitate either. My choices are different from yours, that's all"

"I see" Kagami was surprised at Luka's confidence. He was feeling slightly better with the Japanese girl nearby.

"Any requests?" He asked. "Since you've come directly at me, let me compensate you for your company"

"Don't misunderstand me. I still hate you" she warned. "But I'm losing my mind when I'm alone. And Marinette loved you. And I know Marinette wouldn't love a bad guy. And you offered, so I don't need to give you any explanation, do I?"

"Yeah. No need to tell me anything you don't want to" Luka could finally smile a little. "Thanks, Kagami. You being here is more than enough. I prefer not to be alone either. So, what song will it be?"

"Highway to hell"

"Seriously...?"

"For Hawk Moth’s defeat"

Luka couldn't help it but to chuckle at her comment. He never expected her to be funny - and neither did she.

________________________________________

A message arrived into Luka's inbox early Saturday morning. He stretched his hand and checked the new message on his phone screen.

Kagami: You. Me. Today. The park next to your house. 10 AM. Don't be late.

Luka couldn't help it but smile a little at the message. The first one she had ever sent him and it sounded exactly like her. He woke up and got ready to go.

When he arrived, Kagami was already there, taping her foot on the ground, waiting for him.

"Hey" Luka waved from afar while approaching without any rush and Kagami’s body turned to face him.

"7 minutes early, not bad." Kagami said after checking the time on her phone. She then offered Luka a big sports bag. "Take this"

"What's this?" he asked, curious.

Kagami frowned her eyebrows, stating what she considered obvious. "Protection. You'll need them, Habu"

"For what? Habu?" The boy was even more confused after her answer.

"You can't tell? Are you stupid? Habu means snake in Japanese" she yelled, while putting on her protective gear.

"I thought they were called ‘hebi’?" Luka started to do the same as her with his armor.

"That's in mainland Japanese. ‘Habu’ is Okinawan Japanese. You seem more of a tropical islander than a mainlander"

"I see”. Luka could feel the anger in her voice and didn't want to worsen it. So he didn't press her further in the matter. “Why do I need protection?"

"You really get on my nerves!" she growled. "I need to relieve my anger. With a sword fight. And I think I'm going to feel better after I crush you. Because I hate you and your stupid second chances" Kagami grabbed a Kunai and threw it to Luka. "Take this. I'm challenging you. Get ready, because I'm not going to hold back!"

And she charged fast pointing her bamboo sword directly toward the musician. He managed to dodge her just in time.

"Wow! As expected. You have no compassion, huh?" He said, fixing his arm protections in place.

"Compassion is for weaklings. C'mon, attack me!"

Luka smiled and put his hands on the air. "I surrender. Your win"

And Kagami's anger incremented. "You can't surrender a live or die battle! Fight or prepare to die!"

As Kagami charged again against Luka, he suddenly drew a pirate grin over his face, and just before she reached him, he surprised Kagami with a well-prepared counter-attack.

"Huh!?"

Luka's smile widened at Kagami's unusual expression. "I've been missing excitement in my life since I gave up my miraculous. I get why you enjoy this so much"

"Stop talking and fight, Habu!! I'm going to erase that disgusting grin from your face!" She screamed, preparing to destroy her new rival.

______________________________________

After a long sword fight, the two teenagers were panting for air, laying on the soft grass of the park.

"You've completely destroyed me. As expected for the best egrimist of Paris" Luka said, breathing fast.

"You've got some fine moves and more agility than I thought” she answered, in need of air. "I always assumed it was the miraculous powers, but it seems I was wrong. Where do you learn those moves? They're sword fighting moves, I'm sure of it"

"Yes, you’re right.  It's pirate sword fighting style. Mom's obsession is to become a real pirate someday. At least it has come in handy now" he smiled proudly.

"Interesting. I'll look forward to seeing more of it when I feel like crushing you again…" Kagami started to stand up again. "Now could be a good time"

"Stop, please! Let my bruises heal at least"

"You are in no position to demand anything. En garde!"

______________________________________

Some days later, Luka was the one who reached Kagami.

Luka: Hey Kagami. Want to go to the ice rink next Saturday? Is 11AM alright?

Kagami: Let's go now. Meet me there in 30 minutes.

' this girl… ' he thought, smiling in resignation.

Luka: 45 minutes.

Kagami: Slow. Lazyass. Don't hibernate you Habu.

Luka couldn't help it but to form a crooked smile on his face. ' This girl surely is interesting and funny. I can't believe she is still acting this way so she doesn't have to swallow her pride. What a woman ' Luka thought.

_________________________________________________

Once again, Kagami was the first one to arrive at the ice rink.

"Hey" Luka greeted.

"Hmph"

"Are you ready to skate?"

"I'm always ready", she stated in anger.

"Good to know" he giggled.

And it was surprising how Kagami reached her hand to Luka’s sleeve and dragged him on the ice. Both of them couldn’t help it but blush a little as their touches started to become more casual and their hearts were getting closer.

___________________________________________________

After spending the day at the ice rink, their meetings started to become more usual to the point they could be called ‘dates’- even if Kagami refused to use that name. Cuddles while Luka played the guitar, sword fighting (Luka and Anarka teaching kagami pirate style sword fighting), figure skating, shopping… being together almost all the time became more than a habit: it became natural. But despite both of them knowing about their growing affection for each other, neither spoke a word about it.

Until the moment that scared Kagami the most arrived with her mother’s words:

"Kagami, we are going back to Japan. Nationals are about to start and they are needed if you want to aim for the Olympics. Get your things ready. We are leaving tomorrow" she ordered her daughter, impassible as always.

"Tomorrow!?” Kagami's inner self panicked, even if it didn’t show on the outside. “Understood mother. But I need to do something before we leave. I'll be back"

"You better."

Kagami excused herself and started running to a certain familiar boat. When she arrived, Captain Anarka greeted her.

"Kagami? Luka is not home, he has a concert today. Don’t tell me he didn’t invite you there?" she sighed. “This son of mine…”

"Where is that concert?" Kagami asked, impatient.

"Paris Stadium"

Kagami interrupted her, rushing out the boat. "Thank you"

"You're leaving already?" Anarka asked, surprised.

"Yes. But I'll be back, definitely"

And with that, Kagami ran again, this time to the stadium.

______________________________________________

"You can't go in, it's a restricted area" one of the security guards told her Kagami when she tried to get in the backstage of the stadium.

"You don't know who I am!? I'm Luka's friend and I'm going to crush you if you don't let me in! I need to see him!"

"We can't let you in" the other bodyguard insisted.

Kagami screamed and dodged the guards, running inside the stadium. "Aaargh!!!"

"Wait!! Someone catch her!!"

Kagami ran fast. Very fast. She wasn’t going to miss the chance to meet Luka before returning to Japan. She couldn’t afford getting caught. Not at this moment. Not today.

"Lukaaa!! Stupid Habu, where are you!? Lukaaa"

From the rehearsal stage, Luka could hear the commotion at the aisle "What's all this noise...?" He innocently asked Penny.

"A girl is here looking for you. She's running like crazy and the guards can't catch her. Her athleticism is impressive" the pink-haired woman giggled.

' Could it be…? '

Luka moved to the door to the aisle and took a look. "Kagami...?"

And she finally found him. "There you are!! Why don't you answer the phone you stupid Habu!" she screamed, before turning at the security guards in anger "See? I'm friends with Luka, no need to chase or take me out anymore. Get lost!"

The guards apologized and returned to their usual work positions, while Kagami gave them a deathly glare that gave them chills. ‘ If only they knew the sweet heart under the strong disguise… ’ Luka smiled to himself.

"I'm sorry Kagami, with all the music I couldn't hear the phone. What's wrong? You sound… impatient?” he questioned, confused. ' It's been a long time since I've seen this look on her face… ' he thought.

Kagami’s gaze fixed to Luka’s, and then she spoke again. "Mother told me we're returning to Japan for my Qualifying to Olympics competitions".

"Wow, that's amazing!”. Luka was happy for her getting closer to accomplish her dreams, despite how sad she sounded but he really didn’t want her to leave. But, like always, he put his feelings aside to wish her happiness. “When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow"

And her words felt like a bucket of cold water over him. "Tomorrow… that's… soon"

“That's why I'm here. I have something to tell you”

Kagami was determined, and it showed in both her voice and her stare.

“What is it?” he asked, in hope, casually touching her upper arm.

"I'm sorry for not believing in your words about second chances. I'm sorry for telling you I hate you and stupid all the time. It's not true. I'm happy you've given me company when I was at my lowest. Thank you for giving me hope for second chances" she said, shyly.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you've changed your mind. It's nice to see you feeling better everyday" Luka smiled sincerely.

But that was not everything. There’s something else she wanted to tell him. Something even more important. Something she would regret forever not telling him before leaving.

"Luka, I-"

"Shhhh. Stay for the live. You'll tell me later."

Kagami blinked twice before he moved back to the rehearsal stage, not before winking at her with a knowing pirate grin on his face. ' Smooth ' she thought.

"You better not run away from me, Habu"

________________________________________________

Luka’s aura on the stage was something new to Kagami. He was shining with the light of the spotlights over him, like he has just become someone else- a true star. And even if he was only going to perform the opening song for Jagged Stone, Kagami knew for the look on his eyes that he was going to give it all. Kagami couldn’t stop blushing at how handsome he looked up there, with his stupid pirate grin never leaving his face.

After setting his guitar in place and checking the microphone, he started to talk.

“Hello! Welcome! I know the opening act usually starts with music, but today it’s not a normal day. You see, there’s this amazing girl who is leaving tomorrow to chase her dreams here, a lady who doesn’t believe in second chances. And I really want her, and all of you to believe in them and never give up. I want you to remember that, no matter how low you’re feeling, there’s always a second chance awaiting for you”.

“Listen to my self-composed song for that special girl: ‘Second chance’”

Kagami knew the song was meant for her. The meaning of the song was also clear to her, and, if the music alone wasn’t obvious, some of the lyrics left no trace of doubt. A love confession from Luka to Kagami.  

Will you take my second chance now? First chances may never disappear. But you’re now my second chance and I want to be yours.

Be my second chance in love, be my second chance in life. There's no need for a third, since I'll always be here. There's no need for a third, if you want to always be with me.

With some well selected guitar notes arrangement, Luka finished the song, his eyes sparkling towards the excited audience. “Thank you!“

The cheering from the public didn’t stop even when he had left the stage, making it harder for Jagged to step in. ‘ He has potential ’ the rockstar thought, before offering the audience an unforgettable performance.

_______________________________________________

Backstage, Kagami was waiting for Luka.

“Hey” he greeted her. And she jumped to his arms, surprising him with a hug, burying her face on his chest as he surrounded her with his arms.

“Showoff” she whispered, and Luka chuckled at her comment, his smile growing wider. “You could just ask me normally, you know?” she complained, blushing but keeping the eye contact.

“I make more sense with music” he giggled, cupping her cheek. “So… what do you say?”

Kagami’s answer didn’t make him wait long. “Don't you ever dare to break my heart”

“I promise”, he said.

And Kagami stepped on her tiptoes to give him a soft kiss full of emotion, which he gladly reciprocated.

“I'll miss you so much…” he passed his long fingers behind his ear and whispered close.

Kagami blushed even while deepening their hug. “You must call me everyday and watch all my competitions. I'll hate you if you miss any of them”.

“Count on it. Will you be back?”

“Yes, definitely. I have more pirate fighting to learn”. she grinned in a similar pirate way Luka usually did around her.

Luka’s eyes were glowing deep in love. “You're so pretty, have I ever told you?”

“You did just now. You can go on appreciating me. I’m not going to complain anymore”.

Luka smirked at her confidence. “Are you sure? I think your baggage is still undone and I don't think I'll ever stop if I start with the adjective list…”

“Then tell me without words. And I don't mean music”. She suggested.

“Of course”.

And he did. He gave her a kiss she would carry to Japan and forever in her heart. A kiss that promised her he was going to wait for her no matter how long it took. A sincere kiss that connected their hearts in one same emotion: love. A promise they would carry until the next time they could meet.

"Crush them all at the Olympics" he whispered, giving her a kiss at the corner of her lips.

"You bet!"

___________________________________________________

Epilogue

"You're back. Weren't you the one supposed to wait for me here, Habu? Stupid tour" Kagami muttered.

Luka giggled at his girlfriend’s temperament. “Hi, there. I’m happy to find the best company just when coming back from a long world tour. Congratulations for the gold medal" he said, giving a peek on her cheek.

"You already told me that months ago when you came and witnessed my victory at the Olympics"

"I know. Good thing pirate sword fighting style came in handy" he said, pulling her closer into a hug.

"Captain has been teaching me more of it these two months you were on tour. I'm even stronger now, so prepare to lose next time we fight" she grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"I may be a masochist to keep agreeing with this"

“No, you just love me” she said, teasingly.

“I do love you” he confirmed.

“Good. Because I love you too”.

And they shared a kiss they had been longing for the two months they had been apart. As they pulled out, Luka locked eyes with Kagami to speak again.

"Kagami. I'm not going anywhere anymore. Move in with me"

"I've already done that, Habu"

"Oh… that's right. Well then… marry me… how was it? ‘ kudasai ’?" he asked, not too confident in his Japanese skills.

"Hai" Kagami laughed at his accent, happy to soon become the wife of the man she loved.

THE END

[thetransguard-archive]

I really have a hard time with ao3's interface, would you mind posting your fic on here so it's more accessible to me personally? I understand if you don't want to, have a lovely day!

of course, it’s not a problem! putting it under the cut because it’s kind of long 

tw: canon temporary character death (nicky’s shooting), mild temporary amnesia, graphic description of canon typical violence

all the little lives

Later, Joe chalks it up to the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the same purpose that has carried him, exhausted and aching, up and up and up, through the sleek building to carry out Andy’s strategy. So it’s only when he offers the end of the rope to Nicky to tie around his arm, and the green eyes that stare back at him are blankly confused that he realises.

“São Pau-” but he doesn’t let Booker finish his sentence, doesn’t want Nicky stammering apologies for things beyond his control. So he cuts in, “I’ll make the entrance this time.” Loops the cord around his forearm a few times, tightens it. Swaps out his gun for Nicky’s. He has less ammunition in this one, but it’s bigger and louder and here his role is not to attack effectively, just to put them off balance, even for a moment. As he pulls away, Nicky’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. The tips of his fingers are still terribly cold.

Joe looks from Nicky’s solemn face to Booker’s. The guilt in him pours from his eyes, the slant of his mouth, the set of his shoulders. Pity and pain wage war inside Joe’s mind, but right now there are bigger things to take care of. They don’t need words, not after two centuries of brotherhood.

I’m trusting you, for this. For now. Keep him safe.

He waits three seconds after the fire door slams shut behind them to smash through the window.

--

In the elevator down, his eyes can’t stop drifting to Booker. He’s standing closest to the doors, gun gripped tight. Joe doesn’t want to bore holes in the back of his brother’s head, but he can't help himself. He can’t stop wondering. When? When? At what point did Booker decide that whatever family they had all built together, was never going to be enough? That night a decade or so ago, when he’d smashed the night’s wine bottle in a drunken rage and screamed at Andy and Nicky and him until Joe had cried? Or even before that, the last job in Russia in the seventies, when he refused to speak at all? When they’d laughed over Andy’s baklava? At what point had Booker decided that a chance of true, final death was worth the rest of them?

He feels the beginnings of tears in the backs of his eyes and before he can scrub at them to push them back, he feels a warm hand on the small of his back. Nicky. He refocuses on that small pressure, on the taste of blood in his mouth, the weight of his boots. He breathes, and does not cry. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in tears, but right now he needs to keep a steady head.

There’ll be time later.

The gunshots are faint but Nicky still jolts, pale eyes latching onto the ceiling. When the elevator doors open, he sprints, pushing past Booker. Joe’s not far behind, and they help Nile out of the car as her joints snap back into place, muscles reforming around shattered bone. Bonds made in blood, in pain. In love. Joe meets Nicky’s eyes through the dash mirror as they drive into something new.

--

They stop, after a while, because Andy’s still woozy from blood loss and the shock of actually feeling the physical pain through to its entirety. She and Joe swap, and after a brief argument in which Andy increasingly slurs her words in a way that’s alarming to all in the car, Nile takes her place in shotgun. Joe looks back after maybe half an hour and finds their fearless leader drooling a little on his beloved’s shoulder. Nicky’s drifted off a little too, days of almost constant pain catching up to him. They’re only human, after all. Some small selfish part of Joe wants to swap out and let himself nap too, but Nile’s new and has just taken a swan dive out of a skyscraper and doesn’t even know where to go, really, and Booker...

Logically, Joe knows that there’s no chance that Booker would drive them into another trap, another capture. This was his only plan, and he’s shed blood to make it right, however immediately. But this new sting of pain and horror is brand new and fresh in his chest, so he keeps driving, and ignores the way Booker’s eyes keep flicking to his in the mirror. Doesn’t acknowledge him the way Nicky has been doing, but for a different reason. Nicky retreats, when he’s angry- the problem shrinks in his mind, becomes somewhat invisible. His eyes slide over the issue like a river over a rock until it’s eventually worn away. His rage is deep and slow to dissipate. But for Joe? If he lets himself go, he knows exactly the type of venom he’s capable of spitting. And it’s as Andy said. Now just isn’t the time.

So, he drives.

--

Somehow between one blink and the next, they are at the safehouse. It’s almost dark now, the deepening sky wreathed in purples and blues in a way that makes him itch for his paints. If he had the energy for it. He feels worn down to the bone. Joe is just uncurling his aching fingers from the wheel, but Nile is already out of the car, stepping around to shake Andy awake. So young, for all of this already, and stronger than all of them. She’ll be the best of us. Most days he feels fine, is able to keep all of that time packed away, out of sight and out of mind. There’s always something new to see, to experience, to love. Today though, he just feels the weight of all the years.

(He’s so fucking tired.)

A gentle voice to his right, that odd mix of old Ligurian and Arabic that they’d invented, all on their own so many lifetimes ago. He’s smiling even before he knows why.

“Yusuf, love, let’s go. Let’s go.”

He lets himself lean on Nicky, just a little, as they slouch towards the door that Nile’s taken Andy through. She doesn’t try turning on the lights, but he does, and Nile jolts like she’s been shocked when they actually flick on. Booker closes the door behind them with a soft click. Still trying to blend away into the background. They stand there in the atrium for a moment, still covered in dust and smoke and blood. The house is large and it swallows the sounds of their ragged breaths.

“Some of our safehouses aren’t abandoned churches and caves.” Nicky’s voice has gone even softer with fatigue. “Hot water works, too. The rooms have ensuites.” He doesn’t say anything else before he begins leading Joe up the stairs.

Joe, as tired as he is, is pleased to know that Nicky at least remembers these little things. It means he’s healing well.

The bedroom door locks behind them and they strip off their clothes in a pile in the corner. They’ll have to burn it all tomorrow. Now, Joe goes hunting for where they’d kept their spares while Nicky finds the soap and starts the hot water running. When he returns, Nicky is already submerged to his neck. They’d allowed themselves to splurge in buying this place, and when Joe seats himself behind Nicky there’s plenty of room to move. Nevertheless, his heart leans back, damp head on his shoulder. They sit for a moment. Soak in the quiet of it all. They’ll have to rinse themselves off properly later, but for now they let the steam pool and swirl and fill the slightly dusty bathroom.

“How much?”

Sometimes, when one of them suffers a catastrophic head injury, it takes a while to remember it all. The last time had been Booker, and he’d been blown to bits by a mine and died three more times before they could piece enough of him back together for it to matter. They’d taken turns, him and Nicky and Andy, for the few days after, filling in all the gaps that Booker couldn’t recall at the time. The memories all came back eventually, but at least there was a warning. Some things just shouldn’t be remembered alone.

Between the two of them, it had been Joe the last time things were forgotten. He’d been dead and in the process of healing before the tank had rolled over his head, killing him again. He'd awoken to a hysterical Nicky, blood all over his face and hands. Trying to piece his pulverised skull back together. He hadn’t remembered what exactly had brought him to this place, but he’d tried to wipe away Nicky’s tears, first. Always, Nicky first. That kiss had tasted of blood. When it was either of them, they usually just told tales to each other. They’d been together for all of it, hadn’t they?

There is not a single piece of his soul that he hadn’t already bared.

“Just little... Little pieces. Tell me.” Nicky has switched to Arabic, rounding out the sounds in his throat. Joe can feel the rumble of his chest, knows without looking that Nicky’s eyes are closed. He grabs the soap, starts working on what he can reach. Nicky’s sifting back through a millennium of memory. He can help speed things along.

Nicky leans forwards and Joe leans with him, lathering soap down the length of his spine. He considers. He begins, his voice a bare whisper, barely sound. Pure thought passed from one half to another.

“You are Nicolo di Genova. You are Nicholas, and Nico, and Nicky to those who love you. You are loved, dearly. You are the other side of my beating heart. You are the son to parents who did not care for you and deserve no care in return. You are the friend and brother to Andromache of Scythia, and Sébastien le Livre, and… Nile Freeman. She’s new. She saved us. He betrayed us.

We have lived thousands of lives, side by side. I have killed you, and you have killed me. Our deaths are the same. Our lives align. When that final night comes, it shall come for us both. We have walked through war, and peace, through hatred and with love, always. We hurt those who harm. We protect those who cannot protect themselves. You are good with children, and small animals. You have practised kindness until it has become the bedrock on which you build your soul.

You dream, and you think harder than any of us, because out of us you are the one who knows the danger of action without reason. You are the philosopher to my poet. You make sense of my art. You sing, when you can, and it is always the most beautiful sound to my ears, comparable only to your voice, and the beat of your heart.

You speak only when you need to. Your patience is boundless. You inflicted great harm once, on me, on my people and on others. But you learn, and you have grown. You are forgiven. You are always learning, eager for knowledge. Your curiosity is the best part of you, in my opinion. Along with all the rest.

You have purpose. You are good. Always, I love you.”

Nicky’s hair has grown back in exactly the same way it had been before Keane shot him, but the skin is tender under his wet fingers. They turn around in the bathtub, splashing water out the sides, and he feels Nicky’s hands on his shoulders now, easing away the grime.

“And you?” Nicky’s voice is breathless, teasing. Somewhere, somehow in between getting into the water and now, the weight has lifted from Joe’s bones, has set aside that grief and guilt and anger and fear. It’s still there, but he’ll deal with it in the morning. The sun will rise, as it always has, and there will be time later to card through everything and pack it away. Now, however, is cooling water and gentle fingers and cheap hotel soap from decades gone by. Now is the quiet after the storm. The house is shaken, but still standing. Everyone he holds in his heart is still here.

“I am Yusuf, I am Joe. I am yours. And I will never let you go.”

[serendipitous-posts]

Doctor Who Q&A!

Who is your Doctor?

Matt Smith! Funny story about him actually-he was the first doctor I ever watched-it was Time of the Angels, but at the time I watched that episode, Matt Smith’s run was over. I went back and watched Nine and Ten, and then rewatched Eleven before hitting Twelve up. Eleven has always had a special place in my heart

Your favourite Doctor?

Funnily enough, Twelve. He faintly edges out Eleven in this regard. I think I just really enjoy his humour, dry and sarcastic, and the character arc of wondering whether he’s a good person or not really spoke to me. Yeah, stinky eyebrow man wins in this regard

Least favourite Doctor?

Either Nine or Thirteen? I found Nine to be somewhat boring, I liked his humour, but most of the time was spent setting up his backstory, or that weird romance thing with Rose, and since romance has never interested me, except in certain areas *shrugs*

Thirteen isn’t anything to do with Jodie Whittaker, it’s just that the best moments of Doctor Who are when the Doctor is sad, or vulnerable or angry. The Oncoming Storm is a big part of it all. And it seems that she never really has the oppurtunity to be emotional in this yet. That’s the scriptwriters fault, not hers, and I’m happy they’re starting to change it with the new season.

Best regeneration?

Oh god, that’s actually a tie between Ten, Eleven and Twelve for me

Ten dies alone and it is awful. His last lines brought me to tears, and there’s something so sad about him being killed protecting one of his friends. 

Eleven had me sobbing. Out of the three, he’s the only one who met this whole thing with acceptance, and he’s the only one to not be alone when it happens. His was the nicest out of the three, but because he was MY Doctor, I was bawling like a baby. When Amy appeared I  b r  o k e

Twelve is heartbreakingly realistic. He’s not resisting change like Ten is, he just wants to rest, for once. Like Ten, he dies alone, with only memories to comfort him, and I remember tearing up when he told Thirteen what he told Clara

Who is the most human Doctor?

Either Ten or Twelve. Both of them are conflicted about their morality and whether they should do the right thing or not, both of them try and fail and try again. Twelve is just the one to realise he’s not good or bad, he’s an idiot.

Best Companion?

Donna Noble or Amy Pond and Rory. 

I am a sex repulsed ace-aro, this means I would rather stick my hand in a woodchipper than be in a relationship with someone. Platonic friendships and family have always been my bread and butter and these three are perfect for the Doctor.

Donna Noble? Bold, sassy, determined. Her mom is constantly putting her down, and yet she’s the saviour of the Universe. She doesn’t hesitate to call Ten out on his bullshit, and her departure hurt me on so many levels. I have loved her ever since Pompeii, and I will decry the erasure of her character as unfair until the end of bloody time

Amy Pond and Rory. I’m putting these two together, because I only really started to like Amy when Rory came in. I love their character arcs, growing and changing. Their relationship is also fun to watch, once you get over the drama. I like relationships like Chandler and Monica, natural, fun to watch, not Ross and Rachel, dragged out, on and off again, and after a brief buffer period, these two sorted out their differences and their banter was amazing to watch. Also, the fact that they’re the Doctor’s in laws? They are the epitome of found family and I am LOVING IT

Shoutout to Martha Jones btw, runner up as always. I wish we got to see more of her when she WASN’T enamoured with the Doctor, watching her call him out in the Poison Sky was magnificent.

Worst Companion?

The Companions relationships with the Doctor are the most important thing in the show; what they think of him, how much they trust him, what extent are their feelings towards them, and to me, none was quite as boring as Rose and the Doctor.

I HATE will they-wont they plots, and that basically sums up their entire run together, getting jealous of eachothers partners, vaguely alluding towards their attraction to eachother, but not saying it, it drained all of the fun out of Rose. Her making out with a clone of the Doctor, in front of the Doctor was the final thing for me.

And while I’m all for the return of a Companion, she seems to linger throughout Ten’s run. I can understand why for Martha’s; that was her entire character arc after all, learning to expect better of yourself, but she didn’t need to be there for Donna’s; they very easily could have thought of another way to create DoctorDonna. Her presence was everywhere throughout David Tennants run, and I found it annoying

Favourite Doctor Who Ships?

River Song with Eleven, Twelve or Thirteen. As I said, banter and comedy is how you establish a good relationship, it shows how relaxed two people are together, and River with whichever Doctor she’s with at the time always has this flirty back and forth going on between them. They’re very open about their attraction to eachother, and I love it. Also, Thirteen and River because if you don’t think Thirteen is a raging pansexual then I have news for you.

Amy and Rory for the reasons I listed above; they sort through their issues, have good repartee and are a very enjoyable couple to watch

(I briefly shipped Eleven x Amy x Rory before I found out they were in laws, so shoutout to that.)

Least Favourite Doctor Who Ships?

Rose x Doctor. It would have been fine if they ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH IT INSTEAD OF JUST HINTING AT IT

Martha x Doctor. Martha’s whole arc is about learning that the Doctor is treating her badly and that she doesn’t need him. To go back to him would invalidate that whole thing

Controversial Thought?

I know a lot of people hate Clara, but to be honest, I’m more apathetic/warm towards her. I loved her relationship with Twelve, and how she was almost a caretaker towards him. She starts to act like the Doctor after a while, but then that’s what the Companions DO, they become more versatile, more able to handle tough situations. I’m not happy how they made her immortal and gave her her own TARDIS, but other than that, I’m pretty mild towards her

Best Two-Parter Episode?

Heaven Sent and Hell Bent. It was one of those episodes, ones that are genuinely, deeply horrifying. I got chills when I realised how long the Doctor had been trapped in the Confession Dial. I wasn’t really happy with how the brought Clara back from the dead, but I was okay with it, because watching her read the High Command the riot act for how they treated the Doctor was so, so worth it

Best Doctor/companion pairing?

Ten and Donna. Loved their brother-sister duo relationship

If Two Doctors could meet, who would you choose?

Thirteen and Four would be fun; they have similar energy and scarves after all. Think that would be fun to see. Thirteen and Twelve would also have a nice energy between them I think. Maybe throw in some height jokes.

If any Companions could meet, who would you choose?

Donna and Amy would probably end up flirting with each other. But, at the same time, I think Donna may help Amy come away from her hero worship of the Doctor. 

Martha and Rory would bond over how they sometimes feel like third wheelers and probably share medical knowledge. Martha and Clara would be fun, caring for the Doctor’s health.

If any Companions could meet any Doctor, which would you choose?

Martha meets Twelve. Twelve is actively trying to figure out whether he’s a good person, and I can see him trying to make amends for the way he’s treated her.

Thirteen meets Amy and Rory. She probably wouldn’t tell them who she is, but she would be so excited to see them again

Donna meets Nine. They would spend the entire time snarking at eachother

The Fam meets Ten. He would be so overwhelmed when he sees how many people are joining him right now

[xmalereader]

The Mandalorian X Male Reader

1/3

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|| Masterlist ||

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Summary: Reader used to train with Darth Vader before the falling, noticing that the dark wasn’t for him he decides to bury away his past and keep himself hidden but somehow he allows himself to share his story with a specific mandalorian.

Warnings: Language, ex-sith, baby yoda, training, angst, fear, lightsaber, mentions of sex, some dark shit.

-

-

Living on a small planet was better than he thought, it was nice and clam and not many people would recorginze him. I mean he was actually hidden from life for a few years before the falling, he enjoyed his time working for the empire but each time he watched them destroy planets and kill innocent people he just couldn’t take it anymore. He was a trained to be like them but he always hesitated and could never hurt anyone or anything, he was weak and he preferred to remain that way then be dark.

The planet he was staying was covered in green and rivers were hidden away into the forest where it would take days to find, luckily for y/n he was living in a small lodge that was located to the nearest river where he could get easy access to water and smell the fresh air. His life was great and he enjoyed it, he’s been living here for almost five years now and was still recovering from everything. He had kept his light saber hidden away in the deepest darkest part of the forest where he would never get it back. Even if it called out for him he would finds ways to block out the little voice and continue on with his life.

Y/n worked in a bar that was located a few miles from where he lived but he didnt mind the walking distance, as long as he had a place to work and earn credits he was fine with it. It kept him distracted from everything else and remained focus on his costumers that came from different places of the galaxy, holding up a smile as he greeted the travelers and offering them food and drinks. The place was only full during busy hours which was around the afternoon, mornings were less crowded and only a few people would come and go.

But about a year ago Y/n had stumbled upon a mandalorian, he’s heard stories about their culture and religion and how they never remove there helmets. He remembers Darth Vader actually killing some of the mandalorians right in front of him so seeing this man brought him fear, its been five years. He wasnt here for you, was he? Turns out that he had no idea who you were, he thought of you as a Normal civilian who worked hard to get what they earned.

The mandalorian didnt just come once but twice and the third and then a four and so on, he continued to visit the cantin. At first y/n was curious about him, watching him closely each time he visited. It took him awhile before he got the courage to talk to the mandalorian that sat on the bar table one day, he noticed how the other wasn’t much of a talker. Soon it became a routine for the two, Mando would order his usual and speak to Y/n, the two quickly bonded and became close friends.

Well, more like friends with benefits.

He remembers spending nights with the mandalorian, lying in his own bed as the two kissed like their was no tomorrow. The nights were passionate and steamy of course, he remained blindfolded. He wanted to keep his promise to his mandalorian from seeing the others face, he knew how important it was for him and he didn’t want to ruin this between the two.

Then he disappeared.

Mando stopped appearing during dinners and Y/n was left on his own, again.

—

“No. No, no, no!”

Standing in his front door was none other than the mandalorian that disappeared on him for almost two years, but this time he wasn’t alone. He was carrying a child in his arms.

“Y/n—“

“NO!” He shouts again and stomps over to the mandalorian, jamming his finger against the baskar on his chest. “You disappear for two years Din, two years and now you come back?! And with a child? Who did you fuck this time a freakin—“ he reached over to uncover the child’s face and his eyes widen. His breath was caught in his throat as he stared at the child, he could feel the force on this child.

“Where did he come from?” He immediately asks, his anger quickly fading away. His body was replaced with fear instead. “He was placed as an asset for the guild, I turned him in once I found him but I went back to get him. During my time with the child we sort of became a clan of two now.” Y/n noticed the child staring at him, he could feel the force.

“Get inside.” He hesitated a little before turning his back and heading back inside his home, his eyes were still widen in fear. The child wasnt just force senstive but he was also the same species as the legendary Jedi master; Yoda.

Din follows the other inside, once they are in he sets down the child on one of the chairs. The child coos softly as he made grabby hands towards Din, his ears lowering down as he whimpers. The mandalorian was confused by the child’s reaction, sighing in defeat he picks up the child again but he feels the child cling onto him harder.

Y/n notices this and bites his lip, “He can sense me...He’s scared.” He whispered out and looks down, rubbing his temples. “I thought Luke was the last Jedi but it turns out that this child is too.” He laughs out dryly and nervously.

“I heard someone talk about Jedi’s and how they have the ability to move objects with their minds.”

Y/n glanced at Din. “you dont know much about force senstive do you?”

Din shakes his head.

“Of course, everything was destroyed. The history the people, the findings, everything. Which explains why no one knows where Luke is right now.” He mumbled out and turns to Din. “You May want to sit down and the keep the kid close because from the looks of it he doesn’t seem to like my presences.” He eyes the child and watched as it curled against Dins chest, it’s ears still pinned down in fright.

Y/n can only sigh and lean back in his own seat as he rubs his eyes. “Din you and I met about four years ago, correct?”

“That is Correct.”

The Mandalorian glanced down at the child and gently touched its ears to put him at ease. “What does this have to do with anything?” He questions this time.

“What I’m about to tell you is something that I’ve never told anyone and—“ He could feel Din staring at him through his helmet, he was slowly feeling guilty about everything. Din and him have known each other for two years and he was the first person that Din has ever actually opened up too and the first person to know his real name and now he felt bad that he couldn’t tell Din about this dark secret.

Y/n knows that it’ll hurt Din once he finds out the truth but it was the only way, he inhales softly and began to explain. “About seven years ago I used to work alongside the empire, I was actually made second in command, I wasn’t a general or a trooper I was a lord.” He looks down. “I was powerful and did everything their leader did and it was awful, really awful to the point that I couldn’t stand to watch anymore. I—Din I watched innocent people die I watched as he destroyed planets with millions of lives!” He buried his face in his hands.

“Once the empire fell I immediately escaped, the world had no idea who I was or that I even existed but I’m like the child. I can move objects with my mind, read peoples thoughts if I wanted too and can sense another force sensitive.”

He noticed Din suddenly hold the child closer to him, he knows that he was slowly losing his trust and their was no way for him to get it back.

“I spent 7 years keeping that dark side away from myself but part of it is still there.” He mumbled out, looking away. “I’ve hurt people Din, I was forced to watch as the Imps killed many.”

Din hears the child’s whimpers, he adjusts the child in his hold and looks up to face y/n, he may not know much about the empire but he did know one thing. They were very bad people that have hurt so many and had killed innocent, he had to battle his way through a small army just to make sure that the child was protected and yet here he was, standing in the home of an ex-lord. A man that he knew and opened up too, now he doesn’t know if he should be here.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He simply asks.

“Because I was afraid, I wanted to keep forget about the past. It hurt so much Din, god it hurt so much that I just had to keep it all away.” Y/n shakes his head rapidly as he held back tears from all the trauma and pain he had to go through those seven years.

Din remains quiet. He gently lowers down the child, allowing him to wonder off for a bit. “Y/n that was seven years ago, it’s all in the past now so you shouldn’t have to be afraid.”

“No, NO!! You don’t understand!” Rage filled his voice as he suddenly jolts up from his seat, causing the Mandalorian to pull out his blaster by instinct. Y/n was panting in anger for no reason, it was slowly coming back to him and he had to keep Din and the child away. “Just go! Go before I hurt you and the child!” He hugs himself and glared at Din but the Mandalorian didn’t move. “We can work this out.”

“No we can’t!”

“Dammit y/n, let me help!!” Din shouts this time which causes y/n to flinch. He’s never heard Din raise his voice like that before he was usually a quiet man but who the hell knows anymore, y/n was a killer. An enemy to everyone.

He glanced down at the blaster and steps forward. “Kill me.” He whispered out.

Dins own eyes widen in disbelief. “No I’m not gonna do that.” He lowers down the blaster but before he could put it away he feels y/n grab his wrist and pull it back up, placing the blaster against his head. “Do it Din!!” He shouted back.

Din tries to escape from his grip, shaking his head. “No!” He says again. Y/n bites his lip, he knows that Din won’t pull the trigger so he needed to find a way for him to do it without forcing him.

“Din.” He mutters out. “Do you want to know how many people I slaughter and butchered? Hm?” He suddenly says. “I’ve killed your people Din, hundreds of them! I watched as each Mandalorian was struck down, being forced down on their knees as each and everyone one of them is killed in front of the others!!” He steps forward, closing Din in against the wall. The mandalorians grip grew harder as he listens to the other. “For all We know I could’ve been the one that killed your parents when you were just a boy, leaving you all alone.”

Din growls as he shoved y/n down to the ground, his hand caught y/n’s wrists and keeps them pinned above his head. His blaster against y/n’s temple. “Please...” he hears y/n sob out as tears trail down his face. Din was frozen in shock, not knowing what to do anymore. He couldn’t kill him, he was the only one he had now and he couldn’t lose him like this.

“No.” Din says once more as he lets go of his wrists.

Y/n looks away from the Mandalorian as he continued to sob in anger and in sadness.

“This isn’t the y/n that I met two years ago for all I know he’s probably already dead.” This causes y/n to stiffen and chuckle darkly to himself. “You mandalorians are all idiots.” He suddenly said as he slowly sits up to face Din. His eyes were a darker color now, not showing any sign of the y/n that Din once knew. “Like you said Din, the y/n that you once knew it gone. Burried away from you, you kept getting in the way. He wouldn’t allow me to ride but now here I am.”

Din steps back. “Theirs always a way to solve this, you’ve helped me many times. Now it’s my turn to help you.”

And with that Din hits him he’s enough to knock him out. He bends down and cuffs him up. Gently picking him up bridal style he turns towards the child. “Come on, we’ve saved many people before now it’s time to save y/n.” The child squeaks and follows Din out of the small house and towards the razor crest where Din will be able to keep a close eye on y/n.

He sets y/n down on one of his beds and sighs. “Y/n mentioned a Jedi that went by the name Luke, maybe we should search for him. He could help y/n.” He picks up the child and closed the doors as he enters the cockpit and began to punch in the coordinates for their next destination.

[erisfiles]

IG - @kingsbtsffs / Tumblr - @prince13jimin-kingsbtsffs

CHAPTER 3

The Emperor

characters: “The 7” Emperors; Min Yoongi, Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook. Ahn Y/n. Bang Hyunsik. Soo Jaemin

cameos: Prince Park Jihyun (Emperor Jimin’s younger brother) , Jeon Junghyun (Emperor Jungkook’s older brother, the general of his military, Jung Jiwoo (Emperor Hoseok’s older sister, his advisor), and Cha Eunwoo (a soldier of the Kim’s empire)

word count: 4.02k

Warnings for this chapter: None

genre: fluff, angst, smut, action, emperor au

Author’s note: there will be few sentences in this chapter in Korean, translation will be provided. I thought adding Korean phrases in it would make it seem more interesting. Though, of course, they are Korean and speak Korean in this story

Also, some of you may have been wondering why Namjoon had trusted Y/N that fast as she is still labeled as a parasite. This chapter will answer that question :)

The * symbol indicated footnotes. However, as I post on different platforms aside from Instagram such as Tumblr I will leave the footnotes at the end of the chapter.

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*This chapter is a flashback!*

Chapter 3

3rd POV

Y/N ran as fast as her legs could take her. Running through the woods was one of her favorite hobbies as she had always discovered something new whenever she came to her favorite place. Her small smile got wider as she heard the running water getting near, hearing where freedom is. The wind made the leaves rustle above her as she walked further and further into the woods. A sudden rustle in the bushes made her stop in her tracks. “Hello? Is anyone else here?” Y/N heard nothing but silence. Assuming she was just daydreaming she shrugged and continued prancing about. “I wish I had friends.” Y/N mumbled, pouting while doing so.

Y/N dipped her hand through the shallow river in front of her. The tingling feeling of little fish swimming by her fingers making her giggle. She discovered this place when she had snuck out even though she was ordered to stay home by her parents while they were away like any other day. Her parents were often gone day and night as they worked in the market as butchers selling meat attempting to earn a living in the Kim Empire.

Y/n lifted her dress up, the hem of it just below her knees as she stepped in the warm running water. She unknowingly lost her grip on her dress, the ends of it getting wet by the water she was in. She had gotten distracted by the scenery happening, to her left the sun was setting, making her eyes glisten as she admired the scenery although she has seen it countless times.

A sudden movement of a dark figure she had seen from her peripheral vision had taken her out of her trance. Y/N looked around wearily at her surroundings fearing that she would be caught by the Royal Guards in private territory. Her heart beating quicker by the second as she heard the bushes leading back into the forest rustling. Y/N quietly gasped avoiding any movement as a bear emerged from the shadows, looking at Y/N curiously.

Y/N quietly gasped, her stare remaining on the bear, eyes welling up in her eyes. She stood completely still not wanting to instigate the bear. It walked towards her on its four legs. Slowly sniffing her as soon as its nose came in contact with her skin. Y/N quietly whimpered wishing at the moment that the bear wasn’t in fact there. She stood as still and as quiet as a kid being scolded. The scenery of the sun setting no longer fills up the empty thoughts of her mind. Instead, it was the fear that she will no longer be able to go home.

Y/N saw another figure move in the shadows in front of her, invoking more fear in her. The shadow emerged from the woods, exposing an archer in armor. He slipped his pointer fingers up to his lips signaling for her to be quiet, slowly and quietly stepping towards her and out of the woods, bow and arrow in low stance. As Y/N focused her eyes on him, more soldiers emerged from the forest with swordsmen and archers with shields.

The bear stopped beside Y/N sensing more individuals in its surroundings. It took one more glance at her and then walked towards the unmoved soldiers. The bear stood on its hind legs and bellowed. The men in armor slowly put their weapons in stance, archers aiming at the bear and swordsmen with their weapon yielded. They, too, were nervous but held their positions. The bear slowly walked towards them with its teeth exposed, kanines looking as sharp as spears.

“No! Please don’t harm it!”

“Prince Namjoon! Don’t go near it, it will harm you!” One of the guards aggressively whispered.

The little boy emerged from the woods just like the rest of the soldiers. Only he was in a hanbok. The little boy, however, did not stop with the elder man’s command. He took a few more steps forward and eventually came to a stop. He looked at the bear with admiration in his eyes and slightly smiled at the noticeably older animal with its scratches and scars on its body. “아무도 당신을 해치지 않을 거예요 괜찮습니다…”* Cooed the young prince. The bear let out a small moan, its fear subsided and instead filled with reassurance that there was no danger once Namjoon had come into its vision. “이제 가셔도 됩니다. 곧 만나요, 친구.”* With none of them moving and with Namjoon’s calming words, seeming as if the bear had clearly understood him, the bear slowly disappeared in the woods, revealing the two cubs that were hiding in the bushes waiting for their mum.

He then averted his attention to the young girl behind the bear, her gaze on him with curiosity mixed with the fear that has not subsided, his as well turned into confusion never has he looked at the girl in the eyes besides his mom his whole life*. He tilted his head in confusion as to why this girl was not afraid to look at him in the eyes like any other would at the palace. He slowly walked to the girl in curiosity.

“What’s your name?” Namjoon looked at the girl with a wide smile on his face hoping to not scare the girl who looked just about his age.

“Prince Namjoon, you are not supposed to approach any strangers at this time!” One of the guards harshly whispered yet again to avoid the girl hearing them reveal the second prince of the kingdom.* The guards quickly walked towards the prince protecting him from the potential danger; the unknown girl. With the raise of a hand, they had immediately stopped with the command from the young prince. Namjoon walked towards her and asked her again.

“Hello! My name is Namjoon! What is yours?” Nmajoon took his hand from his side and stretched it out towards her, his palms facing to the die, not facing the floor confusing the soldiers. Y/N looked at his hands in curiosity, then up to him, noticing his gat. Her eyes widened once she had seen the familiar family emblem. Y/N quickly went on her knees immediately bowing with her forehead touching the ground.

“You do not have to bow to me, I am only a prince, I am not my dad.” Y/N still bowing responded, “You may only be a prince, but in the future you will rule just like your dad. I did not know that there is a second prince but I do know that you will be my future Emperor. At least, that's what my mum had said.” Namjoon kneeled on the ground, bending down until his face was leveled with hers, all of the soldiers’ caught by surprise, eyes widening as the prince was basically bowing to the still unknown girl.

“What’s your name?”

“My name is Y/N, my prince. Daughter of Hansol and Yuna. I am only a town girl. I am not worthy of your time. However, I do thank you for saving me from danger, my prince.”

The prince before her had kindly smiled. He grabbed her arm to pull up from her bowing position, Y/n’s gaze still remaining on the ground below her, cautious to not look into Namjoon’s eyes. “You can look into my eyes, Y/N. I will not have you punished by doing so. Did you know that the bear and her cubs were migrating? Winter is coming soon and it is time for them to hibernate.” Y/N looked at him, him showing her a toothy grin making Y/N giggle and smile brightly at his dorkiness and his intelligence. The soldiers had been taken out of their trance of the interaction between the two young kids and pushed Namjoon behind them, pointing their weapons at Y/N.

Y/N looked at them, tears welling up in her eyes as she thought yet again she was going to get killed.

“STOP! That's an order!”

The guards immediately put down their weapons, looking at the little boy in confusion. Namjoon escaped from their grip, balled his fist and pounded his fist on one of the soldiers’ stomach. “You can’t hurt my friend, General Cha!” The older man bowed his head, “My deepest apologies, my prince. However, I do not think you should befriend someone who is not of royal blood.” Namjoon scowled looking up at the man, “General Cha, i do not care if she is a commoner. Your family used to be commoners too but my grandfather had trusted your grandfather. How is any of that different now?”

The general smiled at the wise little boy in front of him, “Nothing, my prince. It does not make a difference. I apologize for my irrational behavior.” Nmajoon smiled and approached Y/N, taking one of her hands in his. “Y/N! Not only will you be my friend, you will be my best friend!” Y/N’s eyes lit up at the word “best friend.” She has never had any friends as the children in her town did not like her, with his kind words, the little girl threw her arms around him enveloping him in a hug. Namjoon chuckled and hugged her back.

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

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The two little kids ever since then would meet up with each other at the lake three times a week, with prince Namjoon’s guard of course. Slowly but surely their bond had gotten stronger. One time, the 18 year old prince, along with his brother Seokjin who he had introduced to her a year after they had met as kids, had found her with a bloody knee. “Why did you get a bruise, Y/N?” Y/N looked down in shame, fearing that her best friend would leave her and have her arrested for her conniving ways. But, nonetheless she had confessed her long ongoing sin.

“These two men were chasing after me…and uh...I fell.”

“Why? I am sure they have no reason to chase you. Do you want me to have them arrested?”

Y/N looked at her dirtied clothes mumbling under her breath hoping for Namjoon to not have heard, “I stole cows meat from them.” Namjoon and Seokjin smiled at her in sympathy, aware of her family’s current economic position, struggling to earn a living once they had been robbed by visitors from the Bang Empire.

“It’s okay. I understand. No need to be ashamed of it. But, next time you need help, you can just ask us. All three of us are best friends for a reason. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hire you as a spy for when my brother and I rule this kingdom.”

Y/N’s eyes teared up with their kind words and mumbled countless of “thank you’s”

Everyday they had sat on piles of big rocks, admiring the sun setting, parents of both parties unaware of their missing presence at this time, the Royal Army guarding the area and keeping the two prince’s secret of their best friend from the Emperor and Empress. The three teenagers fooled around and humoured each other, this being a part of their favourite moment of the week. The soldiers look after them, not making themselves visible for the best friends to enjoy each other's presence. Suddenly, the eldest of the three had asked a sudden question.

Did you two hear about what happened to the Min Empire?”

“No, did something bad happen?”

“It’s been rumoured that the prince had attempted to murder his mother and father, later failing resulting with a gash on his face through his right eye.” Namjoon and Y/N looked at each other and cringed at the information.

“But the worst is that Emperor Bang had ordered his troops to burn down the town of other Empires along with Emperor Soo.” Seokjin looked at the two with sad eyes as they were not aware of what can and will happen soon and the empire had to prepare for it.

A bow lit on fire startled them as it lande close to them. The Royal Guards ran out from theri positions and took the two royals putting their shields above them, leaving Y/N behind. The three looked confused as to what was happening, fear and confusion evident on their face. “My princes, the town and the palace had been ambushed by Emperor Bang’s soldiers. We need to hide you and get you to safety.” Namjoon and Seokjin had tried ripping the soldiers’ grip off their arm but failed to do so, being pushed by the guards.

“Y/N! Your parents!”

Y/N looked at the two resisting, the soldiers struggling to drag the two men. Her eyes teared up knowing well this might be the last time they will see each other.

“GO Y/N! We’ll be fine. We’ll see each other again, I promise.” Y/N snapped out of her trance, putting her pointer and middle finger to her lips and turned her hand outwards to them, a sign of a promise all three of them will never forget. With that, Y/N ran as fast as she could out the woods into the direction of her parents house.

She felt her heart beating out of her chest,her mind filled with worry, thinking of her parents. She ran past the familiar faces, her chest tightening of the image coming to her mind of her parents not being able to get out their house. The sound of a crying little kid in the middle of the crowd, almost getting trampled, had gotten her attention. She quickly went to him and picked him up, running to the direction of her house.

She put the kid down, her eyes wide and mouth hung open. The fire before her eyes had engulfed her entire house. Memories of childhood and her belongings turning into ashes before her eyes. Y/N had not noticed she was crying until a voice had her snapped out of her thoughts, her aunt.

“Y/N come on! Your parents are waiting for you!”

Y/N tightened her grip on the little boy, looking down at her wrist, a red bracelet matching with the Namjoon and Seokjin signifying their friendship. Y/N smiled, slightly content that she still had a memory to keep with her that she will never forget. She quickly shook her thought and followed her aunt, running as the part of the town they were in was burning down, not looking back.

Eventually finding her parents with their horses, she had put the little boy, who looked like the age of 5, on her horse before she hopped on. She looked to her dad, who was covered in ashes in the result of attempting to save some of their belongings along with her mum.

“Where are we going to go, dad?”

“The Min Empire.”

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*Flashback to end of chapter 1*

I stood still for a few seconds trying to hear the rest of the conversation, However, I was not able to retain any information as the guard whispered into his ear. I quietly grunted and quickly turned around, only to bump to bump into a hard chest, hurting my nose in the process, making me fall onto my arse.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“Emperor Namjoon.” I immediately got off my ass and bowed to my knees. I looked down on the ground attempting to avoid his gaze. “Get up on your feet,...Y/n.” At the mention of my name I had immediately followed his orders, my gaze still on the ground. I saw him take a step closer to me, my feet automatically taking a step back in response. I felt the tips of his fingertips tilt my chin up making our eyes meet.

He immediately engulfed Y/N in a hug, her reciprocating the action. Namjoon let go of her, his hands remained on top of her shoulders looking at her in worry. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? And how many times have I told you to just call me by my first name?” Namjoon whines, crossing his arms and letting out a little huff. Y/N laughed at him looking at an Emperor acting like a child. “Well, you are one.” Nmajoon side eyed her, taking her hand and dragging her out of the woods. Looking down at her worst he smiled, “Of course she still has her bracelet.”

“Hyung! She’s here!” Seokjin shifted his attention away from Yeontan, immediately smiling once he saw Y/N and engulfing her in a hug just like Namjoon had done. Y/N broke the hug and looked at the two men in front of her, and down to the dog who had walked up to her leg, rubbing its head against her leg making her smile.

“When did you have time to get a dog?” Y/N bent down and started petting the small dog. “Oh...he’s not any of ours. He actually belongs to our little brother.” Y/N stopped her movements, looking up at them wide-eyed, shocked written all over her face. “You have a younger brother?!” Seokjin and Namjoon scratched the back of their neck, now remembering that they had never told her of their younger brother. Y/N crossed her arms, “How many years is he younger than me?” Namjoon smiled and responded, “ He’s only a year younger than me but only 3 years younger than Seokjin hyung. He can introduce himself when we get to the palace.”

Y/N choked on her saliva caught by surprise at the secret they’ve been hiding, “So, you’re telling me there’s three emperors in the Kim Empire.” Seokjin nodded and smiled, “Trust me, you’ll like him. He’s like you! Except well, he’s a boy of course.” Seokjin chuckled and walked away with Yeontan, signalling the guards that it’s time to head back to the palace. Namjoon and Y/N looked at each other before catching up with him.

The atmosphere was quiet, Y/N cleared her throat catching the attention of her two best friends. “So,....how’s the progress with the allies?” Seokjin smiled at her thoughtfulness of their empire although she didn’t live there anymore. “It’s going alright. Four empires joined; the Jung Empire, the Park Empire, the Jeon Empire…” Suddenly he came to a pause and his smile disappeared from his face. “Namjoon, there was this other empire but I...I forgot their surname.” Seokjin looked down in embarrassment, not knowing all of his allies. “It’s the Min Empire, hyung.” Seokjin’s face lit up in realization, “Ah, yes! The empire where Y/N lives now.” Namjoon looked at him in confusion, forcing himself not to laugh, “Hyung, they’ve been our ally for centuries. We don’t have any new allies.” The oldest blushed, feeling flustered, “It’s getting dark, we must hurry.” Namjoon and Y/N laughing as he briskly walked. Namjoon looked at Y/N, a question he’s been itching to ask.

“By the way…you have been getting my letters I presume?”

Y/N nodded, avoiding his gaze.

“Well, did you complete your mission? Did you figure out who the parasite is in our empire? The one who’s undercover from the Bang Empire. If you do, please don't hesitate to tell me. Another government official died today...stabbed 20 times. One of the messengers rode on a horse to deliver the message about an hour before we found you.”

A sudden feeling of uneasiness creeped up into her, knowing Namjoon wouldn’t like her answer.

“Yeah, I did. But, it’s yours, Seokjin’s and Emperor Yoongi’s own decision to trust me.”

“We’ve been best friends for years, I would put my life in your hands. Yoongi knows you’re working for me, we’re allies so technically you’re working for him as well.”

“I disguised myself as one of the maids and wandered off as everyone left the palace. Eunwoo…I saw Eunwoo and his dad murder the man you’re talking about that died today. I did some research and asked around. Their family lineage is from the Bang empire. ” Y/N blurted out. Namjoon stopped, looking at her in disbelief.

“What…? You must have mistaken someone for him, Y/N. His grandfather has worked for my grandfather and our dads-” Y/N cut him off with a scoff, “Do you not believe me?”

Namjoon looked at her taking a deep breath, “Of course I do. But, I still want you to show me the evidence.”

They arrived at the palace, heading to the executioners hall where his swords had been put when not in use. Namjoon walked into the room, the wall occupied with swords of past emperors of the Kim Empire along with his dad’s. At the middle of the room rested three swords, unique to each brother. Seokjin looked at Namjoon, waiting for his next action.

Namjoon gripped the handle of the sword, his heart beating, his mind still denying that Eunwoo was capable of such things. With a deep breath, he pulled his sword from the wooden block, eyes widening and disbelief washed over him as he saw the fresh blood trickling down the sword, Seokjin mirroring his facial expressions mumbling “But Namjoon, you’ve never ordered an execution on anyone.”

“No, I didn’t. But you know who did?” Namjoon slightly choked on his words.

“Eunwoo did ...while we were gone from the palace. Today.” Namjoon butterfly smiled remembering the farewell Eunwoo had given him to guard the palace while him and Seokjin were to be gone from the afternoon until night.”

Betrayal was what he felt. Betrayal from one of the men he trusted the most.

Namjoon looked at Y/N who looked at him with sympathy. He dropped the heavy weapon creating a loud sound making Seokjin and Y/N fling. He walked to the door, needing time for himself. Before the door he stopped and commanded the guards and his personal spy.

“I want you to arrest that tyrant. No, actually, I want him to rot in jail.” Nmajoon quickly walked out the door, Seokjin following him possibly to comfort him.

The soldiers mumbled, “Yes, Emperor Namjoon.”

The only time she had felt empathy for Namjoon before was when his father had died of old age. Nonetheless she responded to his command although he was already far gone.

“Yes, my Emperor.”

FOOTNOTES

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“이제 가셔도 됩니다. 곧 만나요, 친구.”* - You can go now. See you soon, my friend.

“...never has he looked at the girl in the eyes besides his mom his whole life*” - women are not allowed to look at any royal member in their eyes as they, the royals, were seen as too “holy and divine” for them...this, however does not apply to the soldiers of the Royal Army….Not sure if this is true in history btw

DO NOT STEAL/PLAGIARIZE OR YOU WILL BE REPORTED 🚨🚨

[themonsterattheendofthisfic]

There had always been something there

If Destiel were to happen, in canon, between right now (5.13) and Carry On. Read on AO3 Here.

There had always been something there. Everybody knew it, but they knew it in that tight little place in your heart that you know not to touch. Demons, angels, they could poke at it, sure. They knew to poke at it.

That profound bond. 

Castiel knew from the beginning it was doomed. That was what called him to fall from grace, after all, that something that he saw in Dean. And he thought that would be how he felt about all of humanity, but after Heaven shut him out? It wasn’t. It wasn’t the same; there was something about Dean. But he didn’t know, he didn’t know what it was.

Dean didn’t even think about it. Castiel was just suddenly there, and then he was Cas. And something about him made Dean trust him, it just did. And he was right, after all, Cas proved him right in that heaven room. And of course he wanted Cas there, he was Cas. 

Sam didn’t even think about it until... because Dean and Cas were always just closer than he and Cas, and it made sense. I mean, Cas had been there for Dean when Sam went all dark side, they had history Sam couldn’t ever manufacture with the angel. And Cas had saved their asses more than a few times, and... Cas was always gonna be there for them. He was ride or die, and Dean’s loyalty was exclusively ride or die, no matter how stupid or lost or monstrous that buddy was. It was his thing; after all, he’d grown up with Sam as a little brother.

But as they got older, Sam started to look at old couples in diner booths and get sad. He started to want that kind of thing, and it didn’t make sense to him how Dean just... didn’t. He used to, talked about that “apple pie” life with the kind of wistful bitterness that was transparently envy. But then:

“You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?“

“Have you not heard a single word Bob's been singing about? You're tired. I can tell. You're exhausted. Well, I'm still wired, so I'm gonna pull over, get some gas. You hop in the back, get some Z's 'cause, buddy, you earned 'em.”

It just didn’t make sense. It didn’t really seem like Dean was lying. Pushing him away, sure, but not lying. Dean didn’t need anything, anybody more, not anymore. But how could he be so content with being alone? Besides... family?

And then Sam realized, just a little bitterly, that Dean wasn’t alone, at least not in everyday life. In their little trio, it wasn’t three guys making it by themselves together. No, when it came to home life, it was Sam, and it was Dean and Cas. 

Of course, it wasn’t like... Well, I mean, it wasn’t like Dean was... 

Okay, so Sam had always known that Dean looked at guys a certain way, got nervous with guys a certain way that he was never comfortable talking about. So they never talked about it.

And then he thought about all the looks that went on just a second too long, and how quick to anger Dean was when it came to Cas, and how broken he was when Cas was gone.

And all of a sudden, Sam thinks that maybe, maybe Dean’s a little in love with Cas. And maybe he doesn’t even realize it.

“Hey, Dean?”

Dean looked up from his book disinterestedly. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Sam cleared his throat and sat at the foot of Dean’s bed. Gingerly. “Uh... I just wanted to, I mean.”

“Come on, spit it out Sammy, I don’t have all day.” 

Sam frowned. “This morning, you said you were dedicating the day to, and I quote, “relaxurbation.” 

Dean nodded seriously. “And I’m on a very tight schedule.” It got a laugh out of Sam, which was all Dean wanted, because conversations that started with Sam stuttering made him nervous.

“Okay, so, I don’t mean to, like, pry or anything. And I’m not even saying this is it so like... don’t freak out, okay?”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “You’re freaking me out right now!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Sam cleared his throat again. “Okay, you know how we grew up...” He could see Dean opening his mouth to make a snide comment. “Just shut up, dude! For once.” 

Dean blinked, pausing, and spread out his hands. Go ahead. “Dad raised us rough and in a bunch of podunk, nothing towns around a bunch of hillbilly, old-fashioned hunters.” 

“Like Bobby?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“Yeah, and like Travis.” Silence. He’d made his point. “Listen, all I’m saying is that we were raised around some pretty messed up stuff about being strong or whatever. About being a good man.” 

“Okay, and?” Dean was squinting now, looking at Sam like he had no idea what he was saying. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “And they weren’t right. I mean, they made fun of me for reading too much. The stuff they said about other people? About people that weren’t leather-wearing shotgun yielding hardasses? Some of them were just... bigots.”

“Sam, what the hell are you saying?” Dean was impatient again, but Sam’s heart sped up. Usually Dean got impatient when he was uncomfortable.

“I’m saying that it’s understandable, you know, for us to still feel some of that. But we don’t have to be like them, Dean.”

“Sammy, are you trying to tell me something?” Dean was leaning forward, hands on his knees.

“Yeah, man! I’m trying to say that I don’t think like them. I’m not- it doesn’t change anything for me if somebody’s, like, gay or something-”

Dean folded back up. “Oh, and you think it does for me? Jesus Sam, I may be a dick but I’m not an asshole.”

Sam put his face in his hands. This was coming out so wrong. “I’m saying, Dean, that looking at guys doesn’t make you any less of a man.” There was dead silence. Sam swallowed and looked up to see Dean staring at him angrily, but Sam could swear there was a little hint of fear in the way Dean was working his jaw. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking you’re seeing Sammy, but you’re way off base.” He got up and stormed away to his room without another word.  

---------------------

Dean slammed his bedroom door with a bang that made even him jump. He stopped dead and breathed shakily, trying to sort through his thoughts. He was pissed, for one thing. That much he knew. He was also shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to picture that dock he loved to fish at, the one he dreamed about on his best nights. It always calmed him down.

Why the hell would Sam think that he was… what, gay? Dean laughed out loud to himself. He loved the ladies. He more than loved the ladies. Hell, he had dumped Sam at a bar plenty of times to spend some quality time in their hotel room with a hot girl. No way, Sam must’ve hit his head. 

But he went over the conversation in his head again, all that stuff Sam had said about John’s buddies growing up. It was true, marine vets and hunters in the ‘80s and ‘90s were not the most open-minded crowd. They’d given Sam shit about his good grades and his hair, given Dean shit about his cheekbones for gods’ sake. That time he’d wanted to go to the prom, that time they’d caught him listening to Radio Speedwagon… okay, so they were assholes. Sure. And no, some of them hadn’t had the greatest things to say about Freddie Mercury or Rock Hudson or David Bowie… But that didn’t make him like them. He didn’t have crushes on guys like that…

Okay so he could admit that Fred from Scooby Doo was annoyingly perfect. And he had been a little obsessed with him as a kid. But that didn’t mean he wanted the guy.

And Rodney, that guy in sophomore year that he tutored in Latin for extra cash, the swimmer. He’d tried so hard to make him laugh, he had such a nice laugh. And arms. But it wasn’t like he’d ever done anything…

Lee was a one-time thing. Dean was lonely and on an adrenaline rush from his first case without John, and they got drunk. It just happened. And they’d woken up to John banging on the door and even after they had all their clothes on, they still got chewed out for being drunk. And he and Lee, well, he never let it happen again. And after the cult thing, after the bloodbath in Arizona… Dean had been shitty. He had been mean and dismissive and told Lee to fuck off, that I was drunk, man, and he didn’t see Lee again until he had to kill him. 

But that didn’t make him gay. 

He hadn’t done stuff with a guy since. Maybe he’d looked at them. Maybe he’d gotten blushy and tongue-tied a couple of times around a couple of detectives, but he was naturally awkward sometimes. And plenty of straight dudes watched gay porn. 

Dean laughed and felt a tear slide down his face, and he stopped it up tight. Okay, fine. So Sam was right. Maybe he liked guys. In a way adjacent to the way he liked girls. 

Maybe that made him bi.

-------

“Sam.” It came out stern and rough and too loud, and Dean cleared his throat. Sam was making himself breakfast, so Dean leaned up against the counter and waited until he looked up from his eggs. 

“Look, I’m… I’m sorry. For the other night. Um…” He cleared his throat again. “Look, you were just trying to get me to ‘introspect’ or whatever, and I don’t really…”

“Deal with that well?” Sam smiled softly and Dean laughed nervously, looking down. He looked back up and caught Sam’s eye. Sam knew, he got it. And he knew what Dean was trying to say. Dean nodded and cleared his throat again.

“Thanks. Okay, enough of that talk for a lifetime!” he said cheerily. He started to practically run from the room but paused at the doorway and shouted. “Chicks are still hot though!” 

Sam laughed. “Never doubted that, Dean. Nobody could fake your kind of enthusiasm.”

Dean grinned and winked, and then he left the room.

He was out.

----------------

Sam talked to Cas next. For all the saving the world and working against God they were doing, they had a lot of down time. Cas was studying a lore book in the library while Jack and Dean watched a full season of “River Monsters” for an “educational break from the world destruction shit.”

“Hey Cas, can I ask you a question?” He sat down across from Cas and leaned across the table. This was going to be so much easier than the conversation with Dean. And he really needed to know if… well, if he was right. If there was a chance that, after all this, Dean could be happy with somebody who understood the life, like he wanted to be. That is, if they all survived.

“Of course, Sam, what is it?” Cas was as earnest as ever. He smiled. Dean’s constant gruffness could be good with that earnestness. Was already good with it.

“Angel… society, I guess. How does that work?”

Cas tilted his head, confusion and a hint of snark behind his words. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Sam. Angels have lived for millennia spread across the entire universe.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sam sighed. Maybe this wouldn’t be that much easier. “Like, I know you said angels don’t have gender or anything, but… do you have sexuality? Love? Those kinds of… things?” Fuck, was he being too obvious? Dean would kill him. Chuck would actually get his perfect ending.

Cas was pondering. “Well, I suppose it changes in degree for every angel, as it does with humans. But, yes, we have emotions not unlike humans. Without them, I would never have fallen in the first place.”

Sam sucked in a breath. “Right, like, you, um, you saw Dean and…”

Cas nodded. “Once I saw what heaven was doing to Dean and you, I started to have doubts. I started to feel… for humans. And well, Dean pushed me into making the right decision. He got me angry enough.” Cas smiled at the memory. 

“Yeah, uh, he’s pretty good at that.” Sam cleared his throat. “So, you have emotions, can you fall in love?”

“I don’t know.” Cas looked at Sam’s perplexed face and tried to explain. “I can feel connection, I can feel loyalty, I can feel… desire…” Sam was un com fort able again, why did he decide to do this? “But whether that amounts to human love, I don’t know. I never had the chance to fall in love as a human; I too heavily relied on you and Dean to feel at all comfortable.”

“I mean, that sounds like love to me. All of that and… knowing that if you lost them, it would hurt something awful. That you’d do anything in the world to save them from any pain.” Sam was back on Eilleen again, he couldn’t shake her. 

Cas was silent for a moment until Sam came out of his thoughts and motioned for him to continue. “As for sexuality, angels do not have what humans define as gay or straight or anything else. We see souls as much as vessels. Gender is inconsequential.”

“Right, yeah, I imagine it’s hard to be gay when you don’t have genders in the first place.” Sam laughed, but Cas stayed silent. Apparently he didn’t see any humor in it. “Well, uh, have you ever thought about… I mean, do you ever want to settle down or something?” 

God, was he asking him for his intentions or something? Sam could not believe his clumsiness. It all sounded better in his head. 

“Sam, I’ve been alive for millenia and will live for many more, if Chuck doesn’t destroy the world. If I were to find a mate or any such thing, I would have to see them age and die and live on. Is that something you would want in my shoes? Is it something anyone would want to be involved with?” Cas was almost… bitter. But more, he just seemed tired. And sad. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. I never thought of it that way.” Sam started to stand, to leave him alone, but he paused. “For the record, though, yes, it is something I would want. We all have to lose people we love someday, but it’s pointless if you use that as an excuse. Sounds like something Dean would say.” He sighed and left Cas sitting alone with his thoughts.

-----------

Cas was… he was pensive. Sam’s question’s replayed in his head, that last comment on repeat the most. Love and desire and loyalty and pain, that is what characterized love. He mulled it over. So many years had been wasted on heavenly wars, following orders without question and executing “the will of God” without doubt. Really, the only time he started to feel emotions that made him really… ache… well, it was with Dean.

Dean was the first human he’d ever met to treat him like he was… human. Dean was the first person he ever stepped in for, ever betrayed orders to try to protect. Dean was the first human to make him double over with laughter. Dean was still the only person who would go to the ends of the universe for him; he’d shown it time and time again. 

But behind all the big stuff, Cas really started to think. He thought, at first, that his heart was speeding up from excitement, from the danger, that looking at Dean was just the alarm bells that would set off his fall. But they’d never stopped.

They had a profound bond.

It was possible, then, after all this time, that Megatron had been right. Castiel was in love, with humanity in general no, but with one man, yes. The one man he’d given up everything for. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe after Chuck was defeated, there would be time for love. 

He remembered his deal with The Empty. If he was happy, truly, then he would die. But hadn’t Castiel risked that for Dean many times before?

---------

Dean’s first steps into intentional bisexuality included lots of porn and even more stuttering. He went out to a gay bar, the only one in 100 miles that he could tell, and bumped into every table his shaky legs could find. He spilled drinks and messed up pick up lines he’d used for years. His face saved him. He made out with a few guys, got pushed up against walls in the alley and discovered not only butts were butts, but mouths were mouths. Universally. 

He never went any further. 

He was far from a virgin, but, after so many years, Dean was scared. Ass hanging out in the wind scared. And he was not about to admit that to anybody, which meant he was not about to get in any kind of situation that he would freak in. So no sex.

So after a while, Dean laid off on the investigation and just… let it be. He started driving around in Baby a lot, parking in the middle of nowhere to think, trying to get comfortable with new and improved him. One night he accidentally did that until about 3 in the morning.

Dean drove back to the bunker that night, dazed and confused, if you will, by his feelings. He parked Baby in the garage and went around the long way, still trying to parse out why the hell he was so hung up on the idea of fucking a guy. 

Castiel was waiting up for him. He sat in the library, holding a glass of whiskey that he’d obviously not touched. “Cas, buddy,” Dean yawned and stretched, walking over to him. “What are you doing out here?” 

Cas shrugged. “I guess I was just making sure you got home. I mean, were alright. I didn’t know where you were.”

“You tell me everywhere you’re going?” Dean winced inwardly at how harsh that sounded. His gut reaction was still defensiveness; he wasn’t ready to tell Cas about any of this. He took the glass out of Cas’s hand and downed the whiskey; maybe that would soften his edges a bit.

“I was just worried.” 

“Cas, phones, for the millionth time, phones exist. Pretty sure you were there when they were invented.”

Cas pursed his lips, annoyed. “Well excuse me for caring about you, Dean. I was under the impression that that was what we did around here.” He tried to stand up but Dean waved an arm at him that forced him to sit again.

“Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve just been… working a few things out. Going on drives. Um…” Dean trailed off. Cas had tugged at his tie to loosen it; he got fidgety when he was annoyed. And that made Dean feel something that he was just learning to recognize. Cas looked up at him, confused at his sudden silence, and then they were just looking. At each other. Like they had so many times before. Except this time Dean knew exactly what he was feeling and it scared the fuck out of him. And Cas knew exactly what he was feeling, and it scared the fuck out of him. 

“Okay, I’m, uh, I’m hitting the sack. You coming?” Dean started to stand up and almost choked on his own breath. “I mean, you going to your room, because it’s too creepy to think of you just sitting out in the dark like this all night.” 

“Yes. I guess I am.” Cas said softly. Whatever made Dean happy. Even when he was being a dick.

--------

SAD ENDING:

They were ready. Well, not ready, but as ready as they ever would be. Chuck was waiting, he knew they were coming, and Team Free Will 2.0 had all the weapons they could muster. And yet they still geared up like it was a normal hunt. Sam was packing snacks, for fuck’s sake.

Dean walked the halls nervously, tapping on the wall by Jack’s open door. “Hey kid, you doing alright?” 

Jack looked up at him, apprehension written all over his face. “When am I not ready to kill my grandparents, the two oldest cosmic beings, in a final hail Mary to save the entire universe and everyone I love?” 

Dean chuckled as much as he could given the truth of the statement. “Hey, we’ve all got your back, kid. And if we go down, we’ll go down swinging. Together. ”

Jack nodded and Dean backed off, rounding the corner to Cas’s room. “Cas.” he said it softly, but Cas still startled and turned around. Dean held up his hands in surrender. “Just, uh, checking in, I guess.” Cas hesitated a second and nodded silently. “Did you ever think we’d get here, when you first chunked me out of hell?” 

Cas smiled softly. Somehow, through everything, that time in hell had almost become a fond memory. “No, Dean, I can honestly say I never thought I would be here, with you, about to attempt to kill God. Chuck.” There was that bitterness that made Dean a little sad, made him remember how much Castiel believed in God in the beginning.

“Yeah, well, I guess this is it then.”

He looked at Cas and suddenly realized how close they were standing. His eyes searched Cas’s, and they looked at each other for too long of a beat. 

“Yes. It seems like it.”

Dean sighed. “Cas, I just wanna say, before we, you know,” he waved a hand around. “I just wanna say, dimes for donuts we don’t make it out of this alive, and-” 

“Dean, you don’t need to.”

Dean blanched. Dean, for one, didn’t have any idea what the hell he’d been about to say, so how did Cas? “I just mean-”

“Hasn’t everything already been said? Everything we’ve been through, over all these years, hasn’t that said enough?”

Dean sighed and looked down with a sad smile. “Guess you’re right.” He’d always been a man of action more than words.

Dean gave an infinitesimal nod and Cas gave one back, decided, and they went to fight. Maybe someday there would be a time for words. 

Except there weren’t any more days. Not for them.

[edendaphne]

“Discordant Sonata” Chapter 7

I told you I wouldn’t leave you guys hanging on that cliffhanger for long!  ;)

> Read it here on Ao3 <

> Read it here on Wattpad <

CHAPTER 7: SYNCOPATION

(Mood Music: I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace)

Ignoring Ladybug’s and his friends’ frantic shouting, Adrien sprinted towards the villain with only a vague and most likely very, very stupid plan.

Whether or not it was the intrinsic bond between the cat and ladybug miraculouses that compelled him to do so, he couldn’t say, and at this point, he didn’t care. All Adrien knew was that he couldn’t let anything else harm Ladybug. At this moment, absolutely nothing was more important than keeping his other half, his partner, his Lady, safe.

Nothing else mattered; not even himself.

Upon reaching the monster he stood in front of it and yelled, “Hey, did you know that Chloe actually has a boyfriend?”

That certainly got Reaver’s attention. He stopped in his tracks and bellowed, “She WHAT?!”

“I bet he thinks you’re jealous of him!” Adrien continued his ruse. “Did he whisk her away from you right under your nose, big guy? Boy, that’s gotta suck!” He could have sworn he saw Reaver’s eye twitch, and he had to suppress a chortle. “He probably thinks you’ll never find out who he is, or that he lives in an apartment by the Seine because you’re dumb as rocks!”

Reaver sputtered, enraged, “Why, that son of a— I’ll rip him apart!! I’ll show him! He shouldn’t have messed with me!!” In a huff he spun around and ran towards the Seine river with a new (yet vague and questionable) goal in mind.

Adrien quirked a triumphant grin, turning his head to give a quick wink at Ladybug (who was staring at him slack-jawed like he’d grown a second head, along with Nino and Alya), then followed behind Reaver. He could hear Ladybug clamoring and demanding that the couple allow her to stand up and run after him, but thankfully to no avail.

Once he was far away enough from his friends that they couldn’t see him anymore, he sneaked into an empty building, its inhabitants having already evacuated to one of the nearby akuma shelters.

He transformed into Chat Noir and quickly dialed Hawkmoth’s number on his staff’s communicator. He struggled to keep his anger in check while it rang, trying to figure out what he would say.

Hawkmoth’s face finally appeared on the screen.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Chat yelled urgently, manners and decorum tossed out the window instantly.

“What I’m supposed to be doing. Unlike yourself,” Hawkmoth snorted loftily. “You had so many opportunities to take Ladybug’s miraculous just now and yet you didn’t. What’s the matter with you, Adrien?”

“W-what’s the matter with me?!” Chat stammered. “Your akuma is out of control! He’s more violent than any others we’ve ever had! You can’t do this, you have to call him off!”

Hawkmoth scoffed in annoyance, clearly already fed up with this conversation. “I’m only doing what I must to achieve our goals. Goals which you clearly seem to have forgotten. You shouldn’t have any sympathy for that two-faced sham pretending to be a hero. All of this wouldn’t have to happen if she’d just give us the damn earrings.”

Chat recalled the conversation he and Ladybug had had a few weeks prior, while they were dancing at the akuma’s ball.

“I’m not just holding on to my miraculous to spite you and Hawkmoth, or because I’d rather keep my superpowers instead of helping you guys. I’m protecting it. Using a miraculous for personal gain always ends in tragedy. Always. I know you have no reason to trust me or believe me, but what would I gain by lying to you?”

Chat bit his lip, bracing himself for his following question. “But Father, what if there’s a good reason she can’t give them to us? What if we really aren’t meant to use both the cat and ladybug miraculous together?”

Hawkmoth pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing exasperatedly. “I see she’s attempted to deceive you and play you for a fool. Don’t fall for that delilah’s sugar-coated words and pretty face, Adrien. Even if whatever lies she told you were true, it still doesn’t amount to the destruction she’s inflicted on Paris throughout all these years due to her infuriating stubbornness. This fight could have been over long ago, and yet she continues to allow all of Paris to suffer for her pride and arrogance.”

Shelving aside the accusation of Ladybug being the source of Paris’ misery for a later discussion, Chat insisted, “But this time you’ve gone too far. You’re going to kill her!!”

“Good. You might actually manage to collect her earrings if she’s a motionless corpse!” Hawkmoth spat, disgusted.

Chat’s eyes grew wide and he gasped sharply, blood running cold. This couldn’t really be his father talking, could it? Had he any love or compassion left in his soul? Was this another effect of his miraculous; was misusing the power of empathy rendering him unable to actually feel it anymore? What could this mean for Hawkmoth and his powers? Was he losing his control over his abilities and that’s why the akuma had become so ferocious recently, almost feral? Countless questions swirled around in his head, heart racing at the implications.

“I… You…” Chat stuttered incredulously, clenching his fists, claws painfully digging into his palms.

Fighting a sudden bout of nausea, Chat struggled to formulate any kind of coherent sentence. But how could he, when his mind was reeling at his sudden realization? That this was not the man he’d grown up with and loved.

While Gabriel hadn’t ever really been an outwardly doting or affectionate parent, Adrien had good memories of a caring father who loved him; one who had read to him as a child, played the piano with him, and had laughed with while playing trivia games. And while during the last few years he’d become more cold, unrepentant, and spiteful year after year, Adrien would never have suspected that he’d spiraled so out of control and deteriorated into such a ruthless and uncaring person.

Dismayed, he asked almost in a whisper, “Father… What’s happened to you?”

Hawkmoth snarled with a glower, “If this is how it’s going to be, then I have nothing more to say to you. Just stay out of my way.” He huffed, then added, “You always were a disappointment.” He then hung up without another word.

Chat couldn’t help but sit in silence, trying to blink back tears and calm his heart, which felt like it had just been rent into a thousand pieces. He didn’t know what to think or how to feel. This wasn’t how families were supposed to treat each other. Especially when there were only two of them left. Or three, if you included his mother.

His stomach dropped. Oh, God... What would Mom think? She’d be coming back to an insecure and troubled son and a husband who had become a cold-blooded husk of the man he used to be. Would she even want to be brought back to life if it was only to suffer?

His thoughts were interrupted by what sounded like a bus being thrown against a building, followed by the akuma’s enraged roars.

Chat cursed under his breath and stood. He’d allow himself to mourn later. Right now he had an urgent task: to stop his father from destroying Paris.

“If you were actually a nice guy, you wouldn’t be hounding Chloe and trying to pressure her into a relationship just because you think you deserve it,” Chat barked irritably at the akuma, who was stuck in the middle of the Seine hanging with one arm from Chat’s staff, which extended from one end of the edge to the other. “Leave Miss Bourgeois alone and stop being such a persistent douchebag,” Chat scolded, rubbing his sore muscles as he walked towards the discarded rugby ball off to the side.

The akuma grumbled and grunted as he floundered around in the water, holding onto the thin staff with great difficulty.

“Don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon and you can go home. Or better yet, go apologize,” Chat said, turning around to head back to where he’d left Ladybug and the others.

“Hey, you can’t just leave me here!” Reaver howled.

Chat looked back at him, giving him a cheeky smirk. “Watch me,” he quipped, then dashed away to a string of curses and incoherent shouting.

Shortly after, Chat arrived back at the street where his friends were located. He took a deep calming breath and, scooping up the stray Lucky Charm on the way, carefully approached the group, who was still huddled around Ladybug. She looked exhausted, breaths ragged, beads of sweat trickling down her face, as if she’d been trying to get up the whole time he’d been gone only to be held back by his friends. The idea caused a shiver creep up his spine, and the dusty air became harder to breathe.

Nino caught sight of him first. A strangled whine escaped his throat, and he frantically attempted to squeak out, “It’s C-Cha-...!” Having failed at formulating basic speech, he poked Alya’s shoulder to get her attention instead.

The latter’s eyes widened in terror, but she quickly composed herself and darted in front of Ladybug getting into a protective stance, courage largely fueled by adrenaline. Nino followed suit, crouching by the superheroine’s legs, halfway blocking her with his body.

“Don’t you dare come any closer!” Alya snarled, voice dripping with venom. “Haven’t you caused enough trouble?!”

Despite the numerous powers and abilities the cat miraculous bestowed upon him, the sight of a fierce and tenacious Alya terrified him. His countenance fell, hands nervously fidgeting with the rugby ball. He tried to think of a way to appease her and assure them he meant no harm, but was coming up short.

Before he could open his mouth, however, they were both shocked to hear Ladybug speak. “Alya, it’s okay.”

Alya’s jaw dropped in astonishment, having never seen them have any interaction that wasn’t hostile. But after a few seconds she hesitantly stepped aside, allowing Chat to walk past her.

Chat slowly knelt down by Ladybug’s side, offering her a tiny, penitent smile. “Hey.”

Ladybug smiled brightly in return. “Hi,” she said, chuckling lightly. “You came,” she breathed.

Chat felt his chest flutter at the thought of her being happy to see him. Still a bundle of nerves, he sputtered, “H-how are y- uhh… Are you oka- um...”

“I’m alright, Chat,” she answered him reassuringly, touching his forearm. Her brows became knitted and she asked quietly, “B-but did you happen to see a young man, the supermodel Adrien Agreste? He’s my- I mean, he’s their friend,” she corrected hastily. “He ran after the akuma. And I’m worri- uh, we’re - worried about him.”

“I did,” he replied, touched by her concern even now, and still protecting the nature of their relationship from anyone else who might overhear. “He’s fine.”

Ladybug’s shoulders relaxed a bit and a small breath escaped her, a relieved smile replacing tightly pursed lips.

Chat fiddled anxiously with the hem of his cowl. “I, um…” he stammered, then reached into his pocket. “I have something of yours,” he said finally as he brought out her yo-yo and offered it to her. “Also this,” he nodded towards the polka-dotted bottle of oil, holding it up with his tail.

“Thank you,” she replied, voice full of warmth. With a hint of shyness she asked, “Um… I might need a little help, if you don’t mind.” She extended her hand towards him tentatively.

“Oh! O-of course,” he said. He took hold of the rugby ball and ripped it open, freeing the blackened butterfly within. Then he draped Ladybug’s arm around his shoulders, supporting her waist with his other arm, and helped her to stand up. She hissed in discomfort, Chat’s own pained expression mirroring hers. Handing her the Lucky Charm, she took it and laboriously threw it up in the air.

“MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!” she croaked rather than shouted.

Ladybug had never been as happy to see the swarms of tiny magical ladybugs as she was now. They sparkled and swirled around them, removing injuries and setting everything back as it should be. Ladybug’s strength and energy returned and Nino could now stand without aid.

Next Ladybug purified the corrupted akuma, giving it a small wave as it flew off.

Everything was back to normal... and yet everything had completely changed.

Still in a half embrace, Chat and Ladybug turned their heads to look back at each other, faces almost touching, and if Chat didn’t know better, he’d say she was looking at him with a fondness he’d never felt from her before. Eyelashes fluttering slowly, her eyes seemed bluer and more vibrant than even the brightest of skies; a hint of red dusted her freckled cheeks and her rosy pink lips looked tantalizingly soft, almost inviting.

“Um…” they heard Nino say hesitantly.

In a flash the pair pulled apart, chuckling awkwardly and wearing matching blushes, nonchalantly dusting off and smoothing out their suits despite no more dirt being present.

Nino continued, “What do you guys think happened to Adrien?”

“He’s probably on his way back,” Alya said, shrugging.

A loud yet familiar beeping suddenly rang through the air. Ladybug habitually raised her hand to touch her earring, knowing her time was up.

Apprehensively walking up to Alya and Nino, she nervously twirled the ends of her hair and said, “When Adrien comes back, will you– um… Will you please tell him that I really appreciate what he did? The way that he– I mean, he was amazi- uhh! That is, he was very…” She took a deep breath to try to get her stuttering under control and tried again, “I-it was very brave of him,” she finished lamely, her face almost as red as her suit.

Alya nodded with a smile. “Sure thing, LB.”

Thanking her and giving them one last goodbye, Ladybug turned around and was surprised to see that Chat was just as flushed as she was for some reason. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, averting his eyes to look anywhere else but at her.

Gathering up her nerve, she approached him and cleared her throat slightly. “Shall we?” she asked amiably, slipping her hand into his. Chat’s eyes widened, flicking up to meet hers. His face turned an even deeper shade of crimson, but managed to nod in reply. They headed off together, and Ladybug could have sworn she heard an awed Nino quietly mutter, “Dude...” as they leaped onto the rooftops.

(Mood Music: Paper Boats - Transistor OST, Ashley Barrett)

They stopped once they had traveled few streets down to a quieter neighborhood. Chat began to pace back and forth, arms tightly crossed and tail whipping back and forth agitatedly, still avoiding her gaze.

Is he angry? Ladybug fretted. Despite being short on time, she decided to give him a few moments to work out whatever was going on inside his head.

The telltale beeps rang again, more urgently this time. Only 2 dots left.

The earrings had first begun to beep as she lay helpless next to Alya and Nino. She’d practically resigned herself to the fact that they’d be forced to find out who she was, putting them both in extreme danger. To say that she’d been terrified would be a massive understatement.

And then Chat Noir showed up against all odds. Even though she’d had no reason to believe he would help her, inexplicably, deep down, part of her had faith that he would. She wasn’t sure about his reasons or if anything had happened between him and his father, but she was grateful that luck had been on her side during this battle, despite having gotten closer to death than she ever had before.

She chewed on her lip as she recalled the amount of pain her body felt, how close she’d been to despairing and yet somehow managing to keep it together for Alya and Nino’s sake. She would surely have some nightmares about it for a while. But if this experience helped her and Chat begin to solidify a friendship and started her on the path to rescue him from Hawkmoth, then it would have all been worth it. He was worth it. She wasn’t going to give up on him, not ever. He needed her just as much as she needed him.

Finally Chat spun around and approached her but stopped short just beyond arm’s length, almost as if he was afraid of her. He opened his mouth to speak yet couldn’t force anything out, and despite him trying to hold himself together she noticed his fists shaking at his sides. She could sense the significant inner turmoil he was experiencing, tormented by too many conflicting thoughts. He was so hesitant and anxious, Ladybug wondered if he thought she was upset at him for not turning up to the akuma attack earlier than he had.

Wanting to help or offer whatever comfort she could, she stepped closer, looking up at him to see if he approved of her proximity. Not sensing any resistance, she gently took one of his hands, slowly stroking the back with her thumb. Finally he looked at her, eyes shining, struggling to keep his composure.

Unable to hold back any longer, he surged forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body flush against his into a bone-crushing hug.

“Ladybug,” he uttered, his voice almost a whisper. She could feel his arms trembling. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Chat…” she returned his embrace, stunned by his apology.

“You almost– I thought you were…” he trailed off, unable to say the word.

She squeezed him back firmly and reassured him, “But I’m fine now, it’s okay. I’m okay.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “Chat, you saved me.”

Hearing this only made him choke back a sob, a shudder racking his entire body. After a few ragged breaths, he murmured, “I should have been there. I always should have been. All these years you’ve needed me and I was never there for you. I fought against you, made your life a living hell along with Hawkmoth, and yet somehow you don’t absolutely loathe me? Why?!”

She pulled away to hold his face in her hands, lightly sliding her fingers across it to wipe his tear-streaked cheeks.

Looking him in the eyes, she stated definitively, “Kitty, I could never hate you. I care about you. You’ve been in a bad situation all these years with no one to help you either. But we’re in this together now. And I’d like us to finally be friends, if you’ll allow it.”

Chats mouth quirked into a tiny smile and hummed out a small chuckle. “Does this mean that you really forgive me?” he asked hopefully, knitting his eyebrows, eyes glimmering with hope.

Ladybug tilted her head in endearment and smiled back brightly. “Of course,” she replied, struggling to resist a strong urge to snuggle up to him and cuddle all his doubts away.

Covering her smaller hands with his, Chat breathed out something between a relieved sigh and a laugh, squeezing his eyes shut to try to prevent even more tears from falling. Hands still trembling, he whispered absently, “How are you real…? Why are you so good to me?”

Taken aback at him being overcome by the concept of being actually forgiven for his shortcomings, she felt a hard lump rise to the back of her throat. She wondered more than ever when was the last time anyone had shown him any affection or understanding at home, or was sympathetic to him when he made any mistakes. Although come to think of it, she also wasn’t sure if she truly wanted to know the answer, lest her heart break for him even further.

But how could she answer him? There was so much she wanted to say, a million words at the tip of her tongue and yet it was impossible to sum it all up into a single sentence.

Because I want to help.

Because you’re deserving of love and kindness, not abuse and exploitation.

Because I want you to know what it’s like to be cherished.

Because we were destined to be partners, kindred spirits.

Because we finally found each other.

Because somehow, inexplicably, I love you as I love myself.

Before she could say anything, however, he declared softly, “From now on, I’ll always protect you. I swear it. I won’t let anything like this happen to you again, not ever. I’ll fix everything. I’ll make it right.”

“We’ll do it together,” she replied. “And I’ll protect you, too. You’re not alone anymore, Chat.”

Chat’s breath hitched and his eyes fluttered open, boring into hers, the significance of her comforting words sinking in like a warm breeze, and he gazed at her as if she’d just given him the most important gift in the world unconditionally.

But there was something else there too; something she couldn’t put her finger on. Something that had always been there but had grown from a small flame into a roaring fire. Whatever it was, it was overwhelming and intimate.

Throat suddenly dry, she could feel her face redden and was almost certain that Chat would be able to hear her heart pounding. She’d scarcely noticed how close their bodies had become, faces almost touching, breaths mingling together. Chat’s gaze flitted towards her mouth and he absentmindedly bit his lip.

Moments passed in silence; tension slowly ebbed away from Chat’s shoulders and his posture relaxed. His throat bobbed as he swallowed audibly before opening his mouth to speak.

“Ladybug, I–”

The abrupt trill of Ladybug’s earrings startled them apart, urgently reminding them that they were out of time. Ladybug held back a frown, annoyed at the near heart attack those blasted earrings gave her. Stupid time limit.

“Uh… I guess that’s my cue to skedaddle,” she chuckled awkwardly, tucking some loose hair behind her ear.

Chat let out a shaky laugh and cleared his throat. “R-right…” he mumbled as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I-I’ll see you around? Well, I mean, of course we’ll be seeing each other- I mean, duh. B-but uhh– Not that kind of seeing! I meant to ‘see’ see! That is– AUGH!” she stammered, unsure of the reasons behind her underwhelming eloquence, and she facepalmed, groaning in embarrassment.

Smiling, Chat walked up to her while she was busy covering her face in mortification. He took her hands and pulled them away gently. Ladybug hadn’t heard him approach and gasped lightly, butterflies swirling all over her insides; her whole body felt like it was made of gelatin.

“See you around… My Lady,” he said, placing a featherlight kiss upon the knuckles of one hand... and then on the other. Ladybug’s chest burned in a way that had nothing to do with the current summer weather, surprised she hadn’t melted onto the roof.

Not trusting herself to speak any more, she grinned and stepped back towards the edge of the building (and almost tripping on absolutely nothing at all) giving Chat a small parting wave before swinging away.

Minutes later, Marinette finally found Nino and Alya, who were still a bit disoriented but no worse for wear. Despite having to endure Alya’s stern lecture about safety and enforcing the buddy system (during which she came dangerously close to eye-rolling wearily), seeing them again after being so close to losing everything just a short while prior brought her untold relief.

“Girl, you are never gonna believe what happened during the akuma attack,” Alya continued indistinct, talking a million miles a minute, recapping everything in extreme detail. Nino nodded along and would chime in now and then, still in high alert after what had transpired.

While Nino and Alya rambled on (with Nino being particularly bemused by the idea of Adrien literally stupefying the akuma with the power of shouting, “Just like in Skyrim!”) Marinette felt a tingle run down her spine and became filled with the telltale distinct feeling that they were being watched.

Hair standing on end, her gaze darted around discreetly, mentally preparing for another potential danger. Finally she spotted a pair of familiar emerald green eyes lurking in the shadows a few meters away, faintly glowing from within a small darkened alcove behind Nino and Alya. Her eyes widened in surprise, which made Chat realize that she’d noticed him, and he froze in alarm.

To Marinette it felt like time had stopped during this impromptu stare-down. Chat looked like a deer in headlights that was about to flee because he’d been caught spying (although knowing what she did about him and his character, Marinette suspected that he just wanted to make sure Alya and Nino were safely reunited with her and Adrien)

Tensed like a guitar string, Chat seemed almost resigned and expectant that she would scream and give him away, as any Parisian did whenever they caught sight of him. He wasn’t prepared for what actually happened.

Marinette smiled at him.

Chat’s furrowed his brows with a baffled expression. After a moment he relaxed and even smiled back slightly, looking relieved and even grateful, even if he didn’t understand why he’d been gifted a smile instead of a scowl. Maybe he would assume that she’d seen him help Ladybug during the akuma attack and had garnered the tiniest bit of sympathy. That was just as well. She was sure he would appreciate having two people in Paris that didn’t despise him: Ladybug and Marinette. He would need supporters if was to prove to the world that he was no longer their enemy.

But that was a worry for a later time. At the moment she was just thankful to be alive and surrounded by her loved ones.

And now, fortuitously, Chat Noir had finally become one of those loved ones.

[yzareenxiv]

Overwhelmed

Three weeks ago

"Are you sad cause of Un'kle Arden?"

She had had no armor against that question, her niece Terbish asking it with the innocence of a child.

"Papa said it's okay to be sad. Papo says it's okay to be angry, too. But you'll see him on the other side of the River!"

On the other side of the River. The other side.

She wanted to be on the other side.

Terbish hugged her and offered her a stuffed toy. "I'm going to miss him too."

Her heart broke.

Arha, sitting in the basement with a smile on her lips and their fingers laced together. Admitting to her jealousy.

Resentment.

Honesty set claws into the pieces of her broken heart and shredded.

Is this love?

Two weeks ago

"I will kill them, slaughter them like animals before your eyes unless you join with me." The Crimson King had promised, his fingertips barely touching her chin, his razorwire bonds cutting deep into her skin.

She had quailed before him. Not again. Not again not again not again.

"You don't trust us not to die!" Ayanga's voice was filled with frustration, with an anger that she didn't normally see from the Xaela.

She'd screamed at him. He had yelled back. They had made up, mostly, though she could not pretend she did not notice the lingering distance between them.

One more step along the path. The River beckoned.

Splinters drove themselves into her soul, fractured, fractals kaleidoscoping with images of family, lovers, friends.

Fish men had come at them in waves, their claws sharp, their maws full of fangs. A frog-like demon had opened it's mouth and she had gone into the dark- not of her own volition. Burning, terrible burning, pain like she had never known lancing through her head. She had awoken alone, in the care of unknown Xaela who had tended her wounds and done a little work to cleanse the taint of the void from her aether. Her head was too heavy and the looks they gave her were full of a terrible compassion.

Horns. A step closer to the edge. Bleak terror filling her, spreading through every part of her like ice. She'd grown horns.

Her children had screamed that first night upon seeing her.

One week ago

"Thank you all, for coming.”

His voice. Arden's voice. Arden alive, impossibly alive, impossible and there, right there, able to be reached out to and touch. His voice was tinged with hoarseness- emotion or exhaustion or a little of both.

She could not unsee it. The hole in his armor. The hole in his body. The sight of the monster beneath the skin of the man. He lived, that was the important thing.

Wasn't it?

She couldn't remember anymore.

A step back. A step forward. Straddling the line. The blade was not beneath her feet. The blade was in her heart and it was twisting.

Today

Arden was awake, sitting at his desk and going over his notes on the Allagan cloning technology that he had taken from the medical facility where they had rescued him.

(Was it a rescue? Or was it an unleashing?)

She was in the basement, ostensibly choosing a book to read for the twins but in truth standing before the bookshelf with her head in her hands. Her horned head. He hadn't balked at the sight of it, still found her beautiful, but was that him? Was it what was inside him? (Did it matter?)

Sobs shook her shoulders, silent- so silent, she didn't want him to hear. He would worry and she would see the concern in his eye and she would... what? What would she do? Lash out? Run?

She wanted to run. Run and run and run and not stop running. Run straight to the River's edge. (Run until she drowned.) Run until Eorzea and everything it held was a memory. A dream that was bitter and beautiful and bloody and brutal. Run to the island, swim down until she found it's sunken shores and never surface again.

Her children would miss her. Her husband would miss her. Her lover would miss her. Her family would miss her. Her friends would miss her.

She missed herself. The way that confident, cock-sure grin would split her lips. The way her body moved through the world without a hint of self-consciousness. The way she could laugh and laugh and laugh, head thrown back without restraint. The way she could fight, always one step ahead of the reaper, never once looking back. The way she could fuck, shameless, fierce, joyful and without a hint of consequence or question.

What had she lost? When had she lost it? What had she gained in it's place?

Was It Worth It?

She slid down to her knees as heart-shards and self-shards stabbed at her, tearing open recent wounds, old wounds, new wounds. All the pieces of herself tumbling over and over and over in her head until she bit the meat of her palm and screamed, muffling the sound so that her husband and her children would not hear it. Some part of her self tried to soothe her, a faintly sad smile showing in the darkness, but she shoved that shard away, not wanting it's comfort. She didn't want this. She didn't want any of this; the house and the relationships and the children and the obligations and the trust and the love and the responsibilities and the realities was too much. It was too much.

She wanted the jungle. The war-drum beat of her heart. The feeling of her spear sinking into the heart meat of her prey and thudding with the final pumps of blood. The silence as she dressed the carcass, the scent of fresh meat and the feel of it in her mouth, muscle still twitching, heady with the slick of life-blood. She wanted to wash herself in a river and know there were eyes upon her that coveted her body, slit-pupiled eyes that looked like hers. Ears that twitched and swiveled like hers. Tails that could curl around her and speak in a language that required no words, no sound at all.

She was home and not home. Surrounded by the people she loved with all her heart and yet wanted desperately to get away from as her heart burned itself to ash in her breast. She wanted the easy suns back- when she had been caught up in love with the two who carried her heart and soul. When she had hunted with her family, the brothers of her soul at her side and trusting her. When had it all gone so...wrong?

The answer to that question, she knew. When she had reached too far. Taken too much. Sought to bear cubs. Sought to create the Pack. Sought to be a leader and the mother of a tribe. She'd never recovered- though the Pack existed and the family was still nominally at her side and her lovers still loved her in their own ways. It was all falling apart, though. She had created it but she could not hold it. Just as she could not hold her tribe together. Could not hold herself together. She had forgotten who and what she was and it had been a beautiful thing for a little while but in the end there was no denying the truth- she was what she was. She could keep trying to change herself, keep twisting herself into unrecognizable shapes, but she was what she was.

Sin Eater. Jaguar. Unforgiven and forgotten. Meant to take the sins and pain of others without question and never, ever, EVER place her own on another's shoulders. Meant to go into the River with aether black as pitch, to tumble to the bottom like a stone until all that she held was washed clean from her and she could return on the other side cleansed. Meant to be a part of the tribe and apart from the tribe. Meant to be alone. Meant to bring others together but always, always, always stand alone.

The tears dried and she wiped her cheeks with shaking hands, using the bookshelf to brace herself against as she rose to her feet. The bitch of it all was- she still wanted all that she should not want. She would walk up those stairs and kiss Arden's cheek and play with her cubs and perhaps this week she would go and visit her brothers. Or her sisters. And she would smile and laugh and prepare to celebrate the Solstice. She would come home and make passionate love to her husband. And she wanted this. She was damned because she wanted. It was choking her, wrapped around her like the thorned vines of home, ripping apart pieces of her, twisting and pulling and tugging her in all different directions until she wanted to scream and scream and scream and tear apart.

The River was so close. The movement of a claw would see her to it. It would be easier than this, than facing them when they realized it was all just a dream. When they realized that she had led them astray- that she had lied to them all and worst of all had lied to herself over and over and over again until she had believed it. She had believed all of it.

Damn it all to the bowels of hell, she had wanted to believe.

Blindly, she pulled a book from the shelf and turned to go back up the stairs, her steps heavy, her eyes still leaking tears that she absently lifted a hand to brush away.

"I am happy." She murmured aloud. "Arden is home and the Solstice is coming and Starlight has begun and I am happy. I am Y'zareen of the Jaguah and I am happy."

Arden looked up as she took the last step up and she gave him a dazzling smile.

I am happy.

((Tagging for mentions: @eyespywithmyoneeyegtfo @talesfromthegameff14 @ala-mhinyan ))

[multific]

The Quiet Place

The Quiet Place!AU

Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: What happens when you find yourself at the end of humanity? You have to survive with monsters lurking around you. And don’t forget to be quiet they can hear everything.

Warning: Mention of death, soft smut

A/N: I know I have not been active lately, I have personal reasons for that! But I came up with this! This is based on the movie, The Quiet Place. Hope you like it! Enjoy~

Day 96

You didn’t know what kind of creatures they were. You didn’t know where those things came from. All you knew is that you had to be quiet. Even the tiniest sound could make the creatures aware of your whereabouts and would kill you without any hesitation.

You have lost everyone. Everyone from your family. Every friend of yours. Except for one person, your boyfriend, Tom. You were with him the day these creatures came. He was the one that saved your life. And now the two of you were alone.

You left the city, you figured that there are more monsters there, than in the woods. It took you a whole month to find a decent house near the woods where you could build a life for yourselves. It was the most agonizing month of your life. You almost starved to death, you remember every detail of it. The pain, the fact that you almost didn’t make it. But soon things turned for the better. Tom found a river and then near to it, an abandoned house. You decided to make that your home. No one will be back to that place and claim it as their own anyway. Luckily for you the house didn’t have wooden floors. Since it wasn’t completely built by the time you found it. Thankfully all the necessary things were done. You had to admit, you made a pretty decent home out of the place. Tom was crafty enough to make a safe-room, in case a monster finds you, and you will have to hide.

Day 215

You thought about learning sign language. At least that way you will be able to communicate with Tom. Because so far, you always had a pen and paper with you. But even if you couldn’t hear his voice, his eyes told a lot.

You could see the fear and the love in his eyes.

The day everything went down, you two were in the cinema, and it was only your fifth date. You were just watching a movie when suddenly the whole room went black. People started to get angry and they started yelling. Tom got angry at the people, grabbed your hand and the two of you walked out of the room. That’s when you heard the screams coming from outside.

“What is it?” you remember asking him.

“I don’t know.” he would answer back with a confused expression on your face. Little did you know that these will be your last words to the other.

From then on everything was a mess. You remember bits and parts, but you wished you didn’t. Sometimes, you still have nightmares about it. Nightmares about the creature about the people running and screaming. You went into a shop to hide. No one was in the shop, but the place was a mess. As you turned back to Tom, you knocked a bottle down. Tom pulled you to the side of the shop when he heard a creature enter. It might be ridiculous but the two of you found refuge in an empty fridge. You noticed that the monsters are attracted to noise, when it knocked another bottle down and was alerted by it, you signaled Tom to be quiet and the creature left. You still remember looking at the monster through the glass door of the fridge, you just couldn’t care less about the cold.

And now, your life was is living in a house with your boyfriend while trying to stay alive and be quiet at all times.

 Day 228

You started to write a diary. At least it occupied you during your spare time. Tom was often out, fishing or in the garden harvesting the food you planted. So, he often left you alone. You made sure everything in the house was clean and cooked. You got used to being alone. But that didn’t mean you liked it.

You were always very happy when Tom came home. You only had each other, and the constant silence only reminded you of that.

 Day 233

Yesterday night was the first time Tom and you had sex. Tom tried to make love to you before, but you weren’t ready just yet. You were too afraid that you would make noise.

But last night things changed. Passion and love overtook your body. You enjoyed every moment of the heated night. Even if you had to contain your voice. You got a reminder why did you fell in love with the man. You learnt how passionate and loving he could be in every way. Even if your relationship was still considered new, everything that happened made the bond between the two of you very strong. And now that you were connected not only spiritually but physically as well, it truly made a difference.

 Day 366

Today was the first time Tom took you to the river. He didn’t have any other choice though. You just decided to go with him, since everything was done around the house for the day. As he was fishing suddenly a man appeared on the other side. It was a bearded man. He looked older than the two of you. He signaled something, but you didn’t understand. You didn’t know his intensions. Tom looked at you then back at the man, he was ready if the man decided to run towards you or something. You still had the paper and pen in your pocket. You quickly pulled it out and wrote down.

We don’t mean any harm. We just need fish from the river.

You rolled the piece of paper up and gave it to Tom who throw it to the man. The man caught it. He pulled a pen out himself and wrote on the paper, he threw it to Tom. Tom opened it and you leant close to him, to read his answer.

I live with my family close to here. If you are looking for a place. We don’t mean any harm either. I have children as well. We are just trying to survive.

When you finished reading his answer, you were in deep thought. You looked back at the man. He looked genuine and kind. He was waiting for an answer. Tom wrote one for him.

We appreciate it. We will think about it. You have to understand that we don’t know who to trust.

When the man read it he looked up at us and nodded.

You agreed with Tom. You didn’t know if he was telling the truth or not, but you couldn’t help but wonder what would it be like to live with other people again. Sure, you loved spending time with Tom, but some other company would be nice from time to time.

 Day 398

You had a brilliant idea. You couldn’t believe that it took you so long to come up with it.

A soundproof basement. You wrote for Tom to read. It was the evening and you were having dinner.

How do you want to do that?

Paper and glue. OR we can always find a mattress or some cotton. I know it will take a long time. But I can make it.

So, Tom let you do it. He got you both newspapers and some plushies you can use the stuffing of.

 Day 462

You finished the basement. It took you a lot of time and hard work. But if it did work, you would be finally able to at least whisper to each other.

Tom helped you set up a small radio which were supposed to play a song at the volume you’d whisper. Tom set the timer and you walked into the woods, but stayed close so you could see the house. Tom signaled for you that the song started to play. You stayed low and waited.

Nothing happened. No monsters came.

The room worked. You considered it as your biggest achievement so far.

You were so happy Tom could only smile at your silliness.

But even he had to admit that a room where you can safely speak is awesome. And it just happened to be that the room you made soundproof was his safe room.

He was sitting in front of you on the floor. Neither of you brave enough to talk. The door to the room was closed and secured.

In the end you had enough of waiting and finally decided to whisper.

“Tom.” if felt weird using your voice again after such a long time. Tom froze for a whole minute. He waited for a creature to appear. But when it didn’t, he locked eyes with you. Tears were already in your eyes and soon in his too. Without further hesitation, he got closer to you and hugged you then kissed you.

Emotions overwhelmed the both of you as he held you close. He leant into your neck and whispered.

“I love you.”

 Day 464

Tom and you didn’t leave the safety room, only to collect food, and if it was absolutely necessary to go outside, but other than that, the two of you stayed inside.

You were so thankful that you could finally speak and hear his voice, his laughter and it was phenomenal.

You felt comfortable just by hearing his voice. And of course, happy and joyful moments soon turned passionate.

After dinner, you two just sat on the couch.

Things soon turned heated Tom laid you back along the couch and kissed you over and over, he kissed your neck, your ears, your eyes, his fingers moved through your clothes, running them along your smooth thighs. He kissed you again, slower for a moment before pulling back and looking into your eyes, his own full of love, “I love you,” he told you softly.

You swallowed and smiled, “I love you too, Tommy.”

Your lips found each other’s again and you quickly made work of each other’s clothes. Layer after layer removed from your bodies until you both lay naked, the only thing illuminating the room was the fireplace right in front of the couch and Tom covered your skin in kisses.

His kisses were soft, his breath was warm, and you had never felt so hot in your entire life. Even if the two of you were intimate before, this time it felt different. You were in complete bliss as Tom’s fingers grazed over your core and cupped your warmth.

“Tommy,” you whimpered his name and he hovered back up to your lips and kissed them once before answering you with a soft hum. “Make love to me,” you told him gently. You cupped his face and kissed him again with full passion. This was the first time you told this to him. Before, you could only nod to let him know that he can continue. For some reason, you wanted to vocalize your desires.

His tongue made entrance into your mouth and massaged your own as he rolled over your body. You spread your legs for him and felt him press against you and slide into you easily and you both whimpered in euphoria at the feeling of the other

He filled you completely, he waited for a minute before slowly sliding out and sliding back into you. You loved hearing his moans and feel him shudder in delight, before he was keeping his voice in, but now, he let soft moans and whimpers leave his mouth. Your fingers ran over the tight skin of his muscles on his arms and back, you ran your nails down his back, leaving red marks behind as you let him run into you again and again. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him into you both closer and deeper as a result both of you moaned at the same time. This closeness was worth everything.

Your mouth captured his own again and with a few more snaps of your hips the both of you came, moaning softly against each other’s lips as he thrusted into you one last time before freezing over your body and finally collapsing next to you.

You both laid still and tried to catch your breath for a moment before you turned to him and laced your fingers in his own.

“I love you.” he said. “And to hear your sounds… amazing.” your face got a little red at the mention of your moans. During the heated action, you completely forgot that you were just as vocal as was he. You only paid attention to him.

 Day 473

Something happened. It was nighttime when you got a bad feeling.

The man you met at the river, he said that he lived near too, and it was clear that something was definitely going down at their place. First it was creatures running at that direction then it was fireworks.

You stood at the porch of your house when Tom came out of the house. It was clear that he wanted to leave to help them. You grabbed his arm and shook your head. But he was determined. He kissed your forehead and left you.

You knew what you had to do. You went back to the house into the basement. The safe room will help you survive.

You spent the next couple of hours being worried and contemplating whether you should go after Tom or not.

It was early in the morning when you went ahead and left the safe room. Tom was still out there and you wanted to find him. Just as you left the house you saw figures coming in your direction. It was a woman with a baby and two children behind them was Tom. You were so happy that he was alive.

And now you knew that the man wasn’t lying, he did have a family. As they approached you noticed every one of them looked tired. The woman smiled at you and you gestured to her and her family to enter your home. Tom got up to you when the family went in. You hugged him so close. He hugged you back and kissed your cheek. You gave his chest a little slap for making you worry.

 Day 485

The family was now living with you. Evelyn was a very helpful and skilled woman. She helped you a lot around the house. Her children were also very nice, Marcus and Regan. Marcus helped Tom a lot and often volunteered to help. They all were very thankful that Tom and you gave them shelter. And both of you were happy to have company.

You showed Evelyn your safe room. She barely believed when you started to talk and the creatures didn’t get alerted.

It was on that day that Evelyn and his children started to teach you and Tom sign language. You helped Evelyn to build a “crib” for her baby. She said that her husband previously built a similar one to the little girl.

So, this is how you lived your life on then on. But it felt right at least now you had more company and you didn’t have to be alone when Tom left to collect stuff.

 Day 502

Evelyn was an amazing mother. You watched and helped her take care of her children and you just couldn’t help but admire her. She was amazing.  

While Tom and Marcus often did small trips to the family’s old house, you stayed with Evelyn Regan and helped to look after the baby.

She still didn’t have a name, but regardless she was cute and you loved to play with her. During their stay you doubled the layer of protection on the safe room, so the baby wouldn’t be able to alarm the creatures. One night she was sleeping on your chest when Tom came into the room. He had to stop and admire you for a minute. You looked so cute with a baby sleeping on your chest while you read a book. When you noticed him, you signaled him to take her off you. He did and placed her in the crib.

“She’s so cute.” you told him when he sat next to you on the couch.

“She is. But you know what would be even cuter? Our own.” you stared at him eyes wide open. “I know it’s risky. But I know we can do it.”

“I know we could. But this situation is already scary, I couldn’t deal with losing you let alone a child. I don’t think I’m ready, yet.” Tom kissed your forehead.

“I think we shouldn’t let those monsters rule our life completely. It’s bad enough outside, but in here. Everything’s possible. Just think about it. Our own little bundle of joy.” You smiled at him.

“I will think about it.” Tom took this as a yes. He knew that he had the ability to get anything he wants from you. And damn he was right. Just a simple smile of his, and you are willing to do anything.

 Day 522

You really did think about it. You even asked Evelyn on the subject. You expected her to call you idiots or too young, but she didn’t. She completely supported you and Tom.

Evelyn and her baby was the perfect example that raising a child even in conditions like this is possible. But you were still unsure. Who wouldn’t be? You were so scared that something might happen. But you also understood Tom’s point that this shouldn’t get in your way.

The other important matter was that if you even ready for a child. Both you and Tom were still considered to be young.

That night you sat alone at the porch of the house. Evelyn and his children were already fast asleep.

Tom came out of the house and handed you a cup of tea. You smiled at him as a thank you and drank the hot beverage. Tom pulled a chair up next to yours and kissed you head. You looked at the garden then at Tom.

As you looked into his deep brown eyes, something in you fell into place. You made your decision.

Tom looked at you, confused.

You only nodded at him and smiled. He looked into your eyes that were sparkling in the light. He didn’t seem to understand. The smile on your face only grew at his confusion.

Since Evelyn and the children were kind enough and thought you enough sign language, you were able to understand and sign basic sentences.

I’m ready.

When you finished, Tom’s eyes grew large. He felt overwhelming happiness.

Your and Tom’s love only showed that even at the end of the world, you can find love and happiness. You just have to find the right person to share the apocalypse with.

Taglist: imreadinggoaway fleursirvart  v-2bucky ehsebastian crunch-time-sports pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmiler smexylemony greenarrowhead feelingsareharddd thisismysecrethappyplace sincerelyfan theoneanna aestheticsandmarvel rororo06

~Masterlist~

Feedback is appreciated~

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

SVTFOE Theories of: It Was Two Whispering Spells  Plus Other Theories

there might be two whispering spells

The Dark Magic Whispering Spell:

"for all of the horrible things I've said and done, one more to remember me. I'm one to worship something out of nothing. you are forever determined in our hearts" (it is known as "The Dark Arts" which Star, Moon, Eclipsa and Meteora Butterfly had used, as they are listed as one of the many cartoon characters who have used Dark Arts Magic in the wikia that lists the super powers.)

and The Anti-Magic Whispering Spell:

"Break The Bond, Tear The Fabric, Cleave The Stone, Stop The Magic"

Star didn't use the same whispering spell when she first destroyed her wand

if you listen closely to the words Star is saying when she first destroys her wand

it is NOT "break the bond, tear the fabric, cleave the stone, stop the magic"

and I believe the spell that Eclipsa let Moon use to beat Toffee

was a hybrid form of Dark Matter Magic And Teleportation Magic

which I will call "Dark Matter Magic Teleportation Spell"

dark matter magic can often drain your mana or stamina

and Eclipsa did look like she was drained when she used one of her mother's spells to save Star from Moon's Solarian Warriors.

the whispering spell "the dark magic" type should not be confused for the dark matter magic

as the dark matter is purple and the dark magic is green and anti-magic is a dark green

I believe The Anti-Magic Whispering Spell

is not the same whispering spell that was used by Star to save Marco.

the one that Star with Moon, Eclipsa and Meteora used

that went "break the bond, tear the fabric, cleave the stone, stop the magic" was different and not the same type of magic as the first whispering spell that was used two times before, once to save Marco from Toffee and twice to use on Ludo's wand

Toffee was NEVER inside the wands, he was just talking through them (and through Ludo) from where he was in the realm of magic

this is because the Dark Magic Whispering spell (which was a Teleportation Spell much like the spell Eclipsa shared with Moon so she may use it on Toffee)

the spell teleported Toffee to the realm of magic itself

the reason why his finger never made it, was perhaps because of the misuse of the spell performed by Moon Butterfly. magic from the realm of magic, has been misused by Moon, Star and even by those that came before them.....and in the end it was magic that was made as a excuse of everything that went wrong in Star's life and her hard work of bringing Mewmans and Monsters together being taken away, it wasn't magic alone that caused this as it was Moon's selfish desires and making Eclipsa her scapegoat

this is where Star does the same foolish thing as her mother did

but instead of using Eclipsa as a scapegoat, she uses magic as the scapegoat

she places all the blame on magic instead of Moon who had misused it just to

take back a kingdom that truly belonged to Eclipsa and her side of the family and I say her side of the family

because of the theory of Festivia Butterfly being the Granddaughter of Jushtin Butterfly

which would make Eclipsa and her daughter Meteora

the distant cousins to Star Butterfly and Moon Butterfly through Festivia's Bloodline of The Butterfly Family

I do have a theory that Moon Butterfly(the one who isn't in the Flash Backs) might really be a fake, I even did a drawing of that idea

and well anyway, I dub the "Moon" we know as Luciana

who was given half of the real Moon's powers by Moon herself

and the Real Moon is Star's Mother

while  Luciana is the mother of Erik and Jackie Lynn Thomas

and the father being Count Mildrew

it might be possible that Jackie has been living with her uncle this whole time

and perhaps Luciana(Fake Moon) & Moon (Real Moon) could be half-sisters

but Moon was born with the cheek marks while Luciana was not Luciana could of been the older sister while Moon was the younger sister being younger than Luciana by a year.

and if that theory were true then this would mean that Star and Jackie are half-cousins

Luciana removes Moon taking the place as Star's mother and River's wife

Luciana loved River but he was in love with Moon, I also think that some time after Moon had Star and after giving part of her magic to her sister Luciana Luciana tricks Moon into eating yada yada berries

then says that Luciana saved Moon from monsters and died while doing so and to honor her memory "Moon"(who is really Luciana) makes her face look like Luciana

but really she doesn't but she has to explain why her face looks like Luciana so no one will think she is a fake.

the now Stone Statue of The Real Moon Butterfly is hidden away the secret place where Moon and Luciana had a picnic together and Luciana had used yada yada berries in one of the foods.

I really hope the SVTFOE Season 5 is true, I would of said all this over at deviantart

but I kind of having a MIA moment, I will be back on there in a few days

I even wrote over there that I will be MIA....

anyway I think it would make sense that there are two different Whispering Spells one that is the Dark Magic (Not Dark Matter Magic that is famously used by Eclipsa but is still confused for “Dark Magic” that comes in a green color)

and the Anti-Magic type that can kill all magic

the spell that Eclipsa used to save Star from the Solarian Warrior that Moon made, was from Dark Matter Magic as it can drain mana and stamina

but the spell that she used was NOT her creation but it was her mother’s creation aka Solaria Butterfly’s creation, in theory that spell that takes the form of a Huge Dark Purple Butterfly that has destruction powers, might of been the only Dark Matter Spell that Solaria created

and even if some might not agree with the theories that is okay by me

but I hope that if Season 5 proves to be true

I hope that they bring back the Magic High Commission and give all of them (not just Hekapoo) some form of redemption

and it’s okay that not many agree about how I believe it was Mina Loveberry who really killed Moon’s mother but I just think it doesn’t make sense that Toffee did it, as it had to be someone that Queen Comet Butterfly would have to let her guard down with and who was there at the time of her death and who could trick everyone else into believing a monster did it  

Archduke Batwin never said he saw Toffee kill Queen Comet

only that he left with some of his men, and I do not believe Comet would let her guard down to Toffee if he had tried to and succeed in killing her

so it had to be someone Moon’s mother trusted and who didn’t want the peace treaty between Monsters and Mewmans to happen, that could possibly made Monsters more equal than how they were....

and who had a very strong monstercism to monsters

this is why I believe it was Mina Loveberry

I believe the guilt made her become more unstable over the years  

and caused her to lose her mind just like her fellow Solarian Warriors that were created during the era of Queen Solaria Butterfly

the reasons why I don’t dislike Solaria Butterfly anymore, is because it isn’t just that she showed she does love her granddaughter Meteora and showed she is no longer monstercist to monsters

which the moment Solaria had with Meteora  was a precious

but because Solaria had some certain problems that shows in her chapters in the book of spells and she did seem more normal and a justice type in the flash back of her with Baby Eclipsa but this could be one of her Normal Days

when she doesn’t have one of her “Dark Episodes”

if you read in one of her chapters that shows how to “get rid of monsters”

you will see that she wrote ways to kill the Lizard Men, Slime Men, Kappa, Frog Men and Conjoinicans

that each of them would be “happier this way”

this might prove that Solaria was not always of sound mind during her time as Queen but really did believe that all monsters were evil  

and even if it does prove true that Solaria was killed by some monsters

it could be possible that they were told to do so by Eclipsa’s Ex-Husband

so he could hurry the marriage between himself and Eclipsa and become King of Mewni.

whether King Shastacan Spiderbite really loved Eclipsa or Power or both 

is unknown, it could be possible he did in fact love Eclipsa while loving power too or he just loved power and we know that Globgor ate Shastacan

but it might be possible that Shastacan is still alive and Globgor might of ate him before being crystallized and it could be possible that Shastacan got crystallized while being inside of Globgor’s stomach

Globgor should throw him up by now if he is no longer crystallized too

Shastacan must taste bad XD

and besides the SVTFOE theories

I believe that Steven from Steven Universe’s gem isn’t Pink Diamond

but at the same time it is a Pink Diamond with a piece of his mother’s light inside of it....I know this might sound crazy, but my theory is that Pink/Rose faked giving up her physical form to have Steven but really just ran away as soon as she had Steven after the 9 months were up

she was able to carry a hybrid baby through pregnancy but hide the fact that Steven’s gem was a new pink diamond that she created and put half of herself in that would then bond with the human half of Steven which would then become Pink Steven.

I believe that Steven’s gem which is a diamond as well, was created in the same place where Pink Diamond left her ship.

and we can’t deny that Pink Diamond was a bad person in a way

I think the reason why Blue and Yellow disregard her trying to reason with them about stopping the colonization of Earth

was because of her past actions before she was given the planet

when Stevonnie was acting as Pink in the dream that was tapping into the memories of Pink Diamond, we saw that Pink was a brat but at the same time had this spark about her that was full of curiosity

there were some things to really love about Pink/Rose

but at the same time, her bad actions and treatment of those that loved her

would out weigh the good parts

Steven had pretty much been over and tired with her bad actions

she had hurt a lot of people, even her own family like White, Blue and Yellow

she couldn’t see that the reason why they refused to stop the colonization

was because her past actions of possibly giving up on something she started to grow bored of....Spinel is proof of this, Pink became annoyed and bored with Spinel.

Steven truly did care about Spinel and could see how much his mother hurt her

even if we can still love the positive side of Pink/Rose

we see her in a different light when it comes to her negative side

it’s good that she wanted to save all organic life from her invasion

and then after seeing Garnet, wanted to fight for gems who wanted to be different and be whoever they wanted to be and live on earth with organic life

we know that she at first just wanted to scare all gems off earth

but Garnet changed all that and it became more than just fighting for earth and the organic life that lived there, it became a fight for both organic and gem life

for gems to be free to be different and truly be happy.

I can’t wait to see Steven Universe Future series

the trailer clip was awesome and perhaps some time we will see a trailer of a Season 5 of SVTFOE

Mend The Bond, Sew The Fabric, Weld The Stone, Restore The Magic

yeah that was a fan spell I came up with that I even posted over at deviantart.

of course I had made the mistake of leaving the “the” out of the sew fabric part.

and I know some fans think Star did the right thing, but I don’t think she did

she only made magic and the realm of magic her scapegoat

but if Season 5 is true, then maybe she can make things right.                        

[bloodline-rpg]

HAVEN CALDWELL // 24 // WITCH

❝ Today I'm thinking about the things that are deadly, the way I'm drinking you down, like I wanna drown, like I wanna end me. ❞

_______________________________________________________________________

BIOGRAPHY

Power — what everyone wants and so few get. Those who are lucky are born with it, silver spoons dangling out of the corners of their mouths, blissfully unaware of the struggles plaguing the less fortunate. Those who are not quite as lucky choose to take it, tear it from the grasp of those who hardly deserve it, and claim what’s rightfully theirs. You see, power is the empty chamber in a game of Russian roulette, and only a few ever dare to have the balls to pull the trigger. You have to play the game to be rewarded. After all, Haven Caldwell was always destined for more than what the world gave her.

In hindsight, it might be hard for one to believe Haven had been a happy child, the apple of her parents’ eye. They doted on her as any parents would, spoiled her the way only an only child could be spoiled. The streets of New York were her own personal playground, a concrete jungle gym just for her. As the child of an original witch, magic had never been a secret, whispered about in the dark as though it was something to be feared. Rather, it had been embraced, uplifted. Haven would sit at the kitchen table and watch with glee as fire sparked from her mother’s fingertips, flames licking at the skin. She would clap her little hands together and exclaim that the fire was the same color as her hair; her mother would coo at the excitement, press a kiss to her daughter’s forehead, flames dissipating as quickly as they came. She always wanted to be just like her mother, imagining what it would feel like to have fire at her fingers, hungry for a power she just knew she had to possess. And her mother, her dear, darling mother… well, every mother wants a mini-me.

Of course, you don’t always get what you want. Holistic Witch. The result of splitting a bloodline one too many times; the result of a family not knowing how to take care of their own. The revelation had come when her mother could no longer hide it, when she stopped being able to explain it away with coos of “you’re just a late bloomer sweetheart,” when it became apparent to Haven herself that she and her mother were not one and the same. According to the story, her grandfather had fallen for a human, marrying for love and not for power ⁠— her mother, drunk on love and foolish… so very foolish, had made the same mistake. Her mother had been one of the lucky ones, the first result of the first split, still an Original. Still powerful, still lauded, still destined for greatness. Haven had not. Just as quickly as she yearned for the fire at her fingertips, she learned to resent the flames sparking from her mother’s. Holistic Witch. Destined to always be seen as less than, inferior. Her mother swore it didn’t change anything, that she could still be powerful, still be great, but Haven was far from stupid. This changed everything.

At sixteen, Haven’s relationship with her mother deteriorated. She grew far too resentful of the woman who had lied to her, kept her in the dark regarding the truth. She knew it killed her mother to watch her only daughter grow cold when they’d once been inseparable, but her mother kept her distance, knowing it was the least that she could do. Looking back on it, maybe Haven had felt a little guilty for pushing her mother away. But you know what they say about trust: it’s a mirror, and you can fix it when it’s broke, but you’ll always see a crack in the reflection. At seventeen, her mother bonded with a wolf familiar ⁠— he’d been nice, Haven supposed, though she didn’t have much of an opinion one way or another at first. He’d integrated into their world seamlessly, a long lost member of the family, a way to bridge the gap. It was a slow start, but his arrival had triggered something in Haven: she wasn’t quite ready to forgive her mother for the years of being left in the dark, but she was getting there. He’d offered them protection, security.

At eighteen, Haven discovered that the wolf was offering up dick in exchange for that protection. She was never meant to know; she wasn’t supposed to be home early that afternoon. She was supposed to be out with her friends, giggling her way down 5th Avenue, arms linked with a pretty girl who wore an even prettier smile. But she’d left her wallet at home, perched on the kitchen counter. It was only a quick detour to go back and grab it after school. She’d found them in the living room, her mother not having the decency to use her marriage bed, caught up in each other. One screaming match later and several pleas from her mother for her not to go, Haven was out the door, a fraction of her belongings in hand. Running away wasn’t the smartest or the most logical choice, but she couldn’t pretend everything was okay, that her mother hadn’t ruined everything over and over and over again.

She made the most of wandering on her own for a few years, relying on her mother’s naivety ⁠— the woman never cut her off, always hoping that Haven would see the error of her own ways and come crawling back. She made friends in both high and low places, listened to the whisperings of the magical world, biding her time and honing her craft. It had been a shock when the rumor first swirled, the murmurings of a witch who had achieved immortality pressed to the shell of her ear; the man who told her of the rumors knew of her desires and presented her with the golden ticket, sending her on her merry way.

Haven wanted power.

Thierry wanted a coven.

Maybe that was the beginning, and the end, of everything.

______________________________________________PERSONALITY/TRAITS

Ruthless. Calculating. Cold. Detached. Angry. They always used to say that Haven was only out for Haven, willing to send anyone and everyone down the river just to get herself ahead⁠—gone is the happy little girl clapping gleefully in her mother’s kitchen. She has a flair for the dramatics, thrives on being the center of attention. More than anything, though, she despises the notion of being weak. She refuses to be seen as less than and demands the respect she knows she deserves. Her behavior teeters on the edge of sadistic, though not without reason. Wolves don’t deserve respect, so why should she treat them with such? Though perhaps more than a little fucked up, she takes pleasure in toying with the wolves for her own amusement, just to keep herself entertained. It’s a stretch, however, to say she lacks humanity⁠—she isn’t a monster by her own definition, though if that’s how others perceive her, that’s on them. However, those she holds a soft spot for are few and far between. You know what they say: there’s something dangerous about the boredom of girls with nothing left to lose and everything to gain.

DETAILS

STATUS: TAKEN [ ORIGINAL CHARACTER]

Related bios: N/A

Species/Family info: Holistic Witch turned Immortal

Faceclaim: Madelaine Petsch

[zetalial]

FMA 03 - Brothers

Hey, here’s another post to round off the themes of family in FMA 2003. Here’s links to the first two: Mothers and fathers.

This one is focused on the relationship between brothers in the series (and, yes, I would have loved to have called this post Brotherhood... but I could not.) We meet quite a few pairs of Brothers throughout the series with our main characters being Edward and Alphonse, who’s relationship gets the most depth and development. I would be here all day trying to explore every facet of their relationship though! I’ll just try and briefly explain how their relationship can be compared to other brotherly relationships.

Let me start by looking at episode 38 - With the River’s Flow. 

Ed and Al are, as ever, travelling alone and getting into conflict. These two are both pretty headstrong (though Ed more so than Al) and this episode perfectly captures their relationship. 

They’re a bit stuck in their journey and they lash out at each other. Al’s irritated at Ed’s stubborness while Ed’s irritated at Al’s inability to express himself. Ed’s determined to go after Scar and the Philosopher’s stone while ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room that is the Homunculi - namely Sloth. Al wants to talk about Sloth but he is having trouble actually confronting Ed about it - he somehow manages to bring up Hohenheim of all people instead. In the end, they succeed only in getting angry at each other and storming off to sulk alone. 

This is far from the only time we see the two arguing, they’re often at odds with each other actually. And no brotherly relationship we see in the story is perfectly smooth either. 

Here’s a pair of Ishvalan Brothers. The younger brother is called Rick and the older brother is called Leo. Like Ed and Al they’re pretty close, possibly due to being orphans who have had a rough life so far and they have to really rely on each other. At one point, Rick has a PTSD flashback and Leo snaps him out of it, in a way that implies he’s used to it. In episode 24, the two of them are definitely in conflict over longstanding issues about their mother. Leo is angry that Rick cares so much about her as he has stubbornly convinced himself that she never really cared about them. Rick still has faith though.  

Despite their differences in opinion though, Rick and Leo’s bond is still very strong. When Rick gets kidnapped, his brother immediately goes with Scar and Al to help rescue him. He is keeping quiet about a painful memory so that Rick doesn’t have to learn the truth and ironically that’s a huge part of why they’re in conflict. This invites you to contrast it with Ed and Al’s own fight in this episode. Where Al has convinced himself that Ed doesn’t really love him because he’s just a fake and meanwhile Ed has been keeping quiet all this time about his guilt over whether Al blames him for his condition - for the human transmutation. It’s only when they have faith and confide in their worries that both their conflicts are able to be resolved.  

Speaking of Ishvalan Brothers, there’s another pair of them in this series who also struggled to relate to each other.

They are... an interesting pair. Scar’s older brother is dead when the series starts but Scar certainly thinks about him a lot. The two had trouble understanding each other with Scar’s brother being something of a heretic who performed alchemy - human transmutation and was... a little odd. Nothing like this crowning scene of him crying big tears in the middle of the day in the middle of a war and in front of his brother, while completely naked - right? 

Still, Scar seems to desperately want to understand his brother. Some of his first words in the series is wondering what his brother wanted him to do with his arm. Upon encountering Ed and Al in episode 14, he immediately says that Ed reminds him of his older brother and ends up emphasising with Al. Another conflict the two had was that apparently he had feelings for his brother’s great love - the woman who became Lust. Central to his conversations with the homunculus is his complex feelings about his brother. Some of Scar’s final words are again reflecting on the Elric brothers and their close relationship to each other. He wishes he’d managed a similar relationship with his brother and quietly says “brother, I love you”. 

Beyond their conflicts though, there’s also a theme of sacrifice. 

Scar’s older brother gave up his right arm (and this cost him his life) to save Scar’s life. That’s a pretty clear parallel to Ed giving up his own right arm to save his brother’s life. And later, Scar will give up his brother’s right arm to save Ed’s brother’s life. Yeah. Al really attracts sacrifice, okay? Al even starts developing survivor’s guilt over this. The series actually ends with Ed giving up his life to save his brother (though it only costs him the arm and leg he just got back. And to be stuck in another world...). And then there’s Al sacrificing himself to save his brother’s life.  

Now, Ed and Al are a pair of alchemist brothers, who learned alchemy from their father’s notes. That is strikingly similar to another pair of brothers.

Russell and Fletcher Tringham steal Ed and Al’s identity in order to pose as credible alchemists so they can research and create a Philosopher’s stone. They are skilled alchemists themselves. Russell is pretty cocky and wants to bring Xenotime to its former glory through the use of alchemy. He’s willing to do some pretty immoral things to achieve this though. 

Fletcher also wants to save Xenotime but he is more conflicted. However, he is scared to speak against his brother and has been reluctantly going along with things. Al emphasises with Fletcher and encourages him to confront his older brother, indirectly revealing some of the guilt Al feels for keeping quiet and going along with the human transmutation. Russell has been ignoring the warning signs, driven to believe he’s good enough to fix things. They’ve wound up on a similar path to the Elrics and the Elrics encourage them to find a new path even as they continue in their search. They see themselves in the Tringhams and warn them against it. 

There’s one other pair of brothers Edward encounters and they remind him of his own brother.

No. 48. A pair of serial killer brothers who were both bonded to a suit of armour. The two of them are very much in sync given how they fight together, trade a bit of banter and are willing to protect each other while Ed is fighting them.

They’re also more literally bonded by past deeds than the other characters on this list. They both have to live as souls bonded to armour and it makes them feel inhuman. Seeing their hate for their current existence motivates Ed into fixing his own brother. It really drives home the horror of Al’s experience, helping to justify the identity crisis Al has while Ed fights the slicer brothers. Of course, Ed is driven to win by recalling his devotion to his brother. It’s ironic.

Ed is distraught when the Younger brother chooses to take his own life, no doubt thinking of Al. The older brother understands his brother completely though and tries to be comforting towards Ed though it doesn’t really help much. Mostly this whole experience really shakes Ed up and an episode later, Lust kills the older slicer brother while threatening to do the same to Al.

...

Okay, there’s one other pair I want to bring up though they’re not actually related.

Roy and Hughes have been close friends for a very long time. Hughes even goes to visit Roy to find he’s very nearly performed human transmutation. He challenges Roy on the issue, encouraging him to live and move on. When Roy tells him he wants to be Fuhrer, Hughes is there to say he’ll support him. We don’t learn too much about their history, but its obvious they are very close and both of them are also close to the Elric brothers.

 A big reason to trust Roy in 03 is because Hughes cares so much about him. Hughes is the only person he reveals his worries and weaknesses to and Hughes really looks out for him. After Hughes is killed, Roy can’t bear to face Hughes’ wife Gracia, feeling some guilt and misery over his death. At Hughes’ grave, the piano version of Bratja/Brothers plays, as Roy mourns his dearest friend’s passing.

So, Episode 38: With the River’s Flow, begins with Ed and Al in a fight. Then the two of them go off to sulk alone for a while.

Ed’s angry and muttering about how irritating Al is but then he unthinkingly asks Al to pass the salt as he’s eating. Edward seems to realise that he’s driven Al away and he suddenly misses him. Immediately, he gets up and goes to look for him. The two of them are extremely codependent and can’t stay separated for long. Al, across town, is walking around, muttering about how stubborn Ed is to himself when someone taps him on the back and he immediately says: “Ed, where were you?” only to realise it isn’t his brother.

Ed has a flashback to when the two of them were kids and shows that they were close then too. They got into fights and they would run off but then Ed would come to his senses and go to look for his brother.

Ed doesn’t offer an apology out loud or anything. He just dismisses their fight, showing he’s forgiven his brother and Al smiles and runs after him. In the present, Ed finds Al at the river (which the episode is named for) and dismisses the fight the same way he did when they were kids. That’s very much Ed and Al’s dynamic. 

During Al’s identity crisis, Al runs away and Ed wants to run after him (ready to throw himself off the roof even, because Ed’s always freaking out over his brother.) But Al takes some time to think through things while Ed and Winry spend that episode looking for Al. Upon meeting up again, they make up. Whatever happens they always forgive and go looking for each other. 

Speaking of Brothers it would remiss of me to neglect to mention one other character.

A homunculus created by Hohenheim in an attempt to bring back his dead son. Envy. He’s essentially Ed and Al’s half-brother. This is only revealed in the final episodes and Envy is a rejection of all the prior brotherly relationships we’ve seen explored throughout the series. Envy hates his family and takes great pleasure in tormenting the Elric brothers. Ed’s so shocked by the reveal that it gives Envy the upperhand, and he takes the opportunity to stab Edward through the chest. He laughs about it in victory. 

Envy is a disaster but you can also see how he came to be the way he is. He’s never been loved by anyone, not his father who rejected and abandoned him and not Dante who uses and manipulates him to serve her needs. Envy does have reasonably decent relations with the other homunculi though - they seem to have bonded a little over shared circumstances. Envy gets on well with Lust and Sloth and at first seemed like a bit of an older brother to Wrath almost. He’s too mean and impatient to have a proper relationship though.

At the gate, Edward warns Envy not to cross through but Envy doesn’t listen and marches away, smiling. Edward’s face is covered in tears, both for Al who he’s losing and perhaps for Envy who could have been a better person were he not so bitter and full of hate. 

-

Envy is an exception to all these different characters throughout the show who have strong familial bonds that they depend on. These bonds are often the only thing they can rely on when they’re hit with life’s tragedies as all these characters have very angsty backstories. No bond is more explored more than Ed and Al’s relationship, so this overview has mostly revolved around them. 

Fullmetal Alchemist is the story about two brothers trying to regain what they lost and their relationship is central to the story. Through other characters we can see different aspects of it. The Tringhams, walking a dangerously similar path to them. Scar, who wishes his relationship with his brother could have been like Ed and Al’s. Roy, who is trying to do right and learn to live with the loss of his best friend. Rick and Leo, who are struggling together with each other and other Ishvalan refugees. And Envy, a chilling example of their antithesis. 

Ed and Al’s relationship is very much my favourite part of the series.

It’s why the ending is so tragic.

....

[kitsuningtonshippoknockoff]

A Chat in the Basement

This little fic is about a hypothetical meeting between Kit and Lawrence, some time after Kit and Ren have settled into their relationship.  Gore and insanity warnings apply, and also this probably needs beta reading but I really wanted to get it out.  Enjoy~

-----

Kit knows from experience that waking up to an utterly livid stranger staring you straight in the face whilst you’re strapped to a chair with rope and duct tape is a disorienting experience. He is, however, disinclined to engage his empathy.

“W-wha—”

“Why were you following Ren?”

“I… who are--?”

“Answer.  The question.”

The basement really is a marvelous setting for interrogations.  The lighting is nice and sinister, and although they’ve thrown out all Strade’s old tools except The Knife, Ren thought that it might be nice to get a new set to actually use as intended.  Kit agreed.  Very useful.  Very symbolic.

And so the walls are covered in perfectly innocent tools that look very, very scary in dim fluorescent light.

The man is still stuttering.  He is, the more lascivious part of Kit notes, a very attractive man in a sort of bishonen lumberjack way. This makes Kit angrier.  He and Ren have very similar tastes, so Ren would probably find him attractive too.  That makes him even more dangerous to Ren.  Ren needs to be protected from beautiful danger.  Especially beautiful danger that smells so… off.

Kit sighs through his nose, teeth clenched behind his lips.  His fox ears are lowered, and his tail twitches.  He’s sitting on a chair turned backward, as if he’s a school guidance counselor about to “level” with a problem student.  The knife (The Knife) he pulls and puts to the man’s throat is not standard issue for guidance counselors.  The man whimpers and tries to pull back.

“You were following Ren,” Kit says, “Not just both of us.  It was Ren you were after.  My Ren.  My perfect, beautiful Ren.”  Kit’s voice takes on a slightly dreamy, distracted tone.  “Maybe a human wouldn’t have noticed you, out in the dark, but I did. I think Ren did, too.  He’s been… edgier than normal.  We used to like going out at night, you know?”  He fixes the man with a glare, and when next he speaks his tone is like flint. “But the last few times you’ve been out there with us. And you were watching my Ren.”

“Your…? I—no, that’s not what I—”

“Do not lie to me,” Kit hisses, teeth bared.  “Do not lie. I’ve been a liar all my life and I know a lie when I smell it.”  The choice of words was deliberate, though leaving room for plausible deniability, and Kit is interested to see a quick flash of anger (panic?) at the word ‘smell’.  So.  He knows then.  Kit wasn’t sure, because some smells that are obvious to him go completely unnoticed by humans.

“I wasn’t—I wasn’t trying to follow him,” the man says, “I just—I wanted to find him again, just once, to talk to him, but—you were always there.”  His tone, still tremulous, turns slightly accusatory.  “Why were you always there?  Who—who are you?  What’s—what’s this thing on my neck?  Where am I, you can’t--”  

Kit lets loose a shriek, teeth bared, incisors gleaming.  It’s deeper than a real red fox’s scream of aggression would sound, but it’s just as inhuman—almost but not quite human-- and it has the desired effect.  The man cowers as best he can, wide-eyed and silent.  Kit leans back.  His expression is nearly blank but threatens a sneer.

“Sir,” Kit says, “You do not get to tell me what I cannot do.  Not here, not now.”  He pauses. “Alright.  You say you wanted to talk to Ren.  I think that is bullshit, but let’s pretend I do not.  What did you want to talk to him about?  And why couldn’t you do it while I was there?” He leans forward.  “What couldn’t you say to Ren in front of his lover?”  Again, a pointed choice of words, and Kit is fascinated to see… pain.  Hurt.  This man feels excluded, does he?  Well, Kit will have to impress upon him the fact that Ren chose Kit once he’s done asking questions.

“Ren is—was—we were—are… were friends once.  Or… maybe we still are?  I… don’t know.  The last time we talked we… had a problem.  He had a problem.”  The volume of the man’s voice has been dropping steadily as he speaks.  Kit is annoyed.  “His path split from mine,” the man finishes in a whisper.

Yes, Kit wants to scream, His path split from yours and joined with mine he joined with me he’s part of me I’m part of him and you don’t get to have him you don’t get to tear us apart you don’t get to have him Ren is mine, mine, MINE—

Kit takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.  He lowers the knife; he doesn’t trust himself with it.

“Why am I here?” the man whines wretchedly, “Please, I didn’t—I wasn’t going to hurt any—I wasn’t going to hurt Ren!  I was going to be careful, all I wanted was to talk!  I wanted to know why he l-left me, and then never... never talked to me again… not even online…” Kit opens his eyes, and for a brief moment makes eye-contact with the man before his eyes dart back down to his shoes.  It’s not enough to set up a hypnotic bond, but it is enough for Kit to feel a sudden, unwelcome surge of fellow feeling.  Even terrified, taped to a chair, and alone with an enemy, this man still feels the pain of losing Ren.  

Kit can relate.  He does not want to.

“Look at me,” he says, and for the first time the man shows defiance.  His brow furrows, and he staunchly refuses to look up.  Kit grunts irritably.  “Sir, I spent some time rifling through your pockets before you woke up.”  At that the man does look up, shocked, and Kit grabs his face with both hands.  He worried the man’s eyes would dart away before he could get a hold of him, but sure enough the man’s eyes dilate and he relaxes slightly.  Whatever this man is, he’s susceptible to Kit’s hypnotism.  Of course the current situation isn’t ideal for giving orders, but it should make him a little more cooperative.

“Now then,” Kit says. He keeps his voice low and even, pleasant.  “When I looked through your pockets, I found a few things that most people would not be carrying.  Drugs, but not anything I’ve seen on the street before.”  A small flicker of confusion appears in the man’s eyes.

“Then how do you even… know they’re drugs?  I… I make medicine…”

Kit leans back, keeping eye contact.  Strictly speaking, he doesn’t have to keep from blinking, but he still tries to do so. The burning of his eyes is a small price to pay for not letting this fucker out of his sight.

“Did you know,” Kit says, “That the word ‘drug’ is derived from the Dutch word ‘droog’?  It literally means ‘dry’, but in this context it was dried plants that people referred to.  You know, plants used for… medicinal purposes.”

As he’s speaking, he notices the man relax even more.  Bingo. As Kit thought, this topic of conversation genuinely interests him.  Figures; the strange herbal blends he had on him could only have been made by someone who had taken time to study this stuff.  That makes the charm work better.  Even though the man still has every reason to be terrified, he might be a little more honest this way.

“And we all know,” Kit continues, “That the words ‘drug’ and ‘medicine’ used to be interchangeable. So I do believe you, sir, when you say you make medicine.  But the dose makes the poison, as they say.  And you can understand why the thought of you--” poisoning my Ren, my Ren, if you did that I’d kill you “—doing something like that to Ren would make me unhappy.  Even if it wasn’t a fatal poison.”

“No…” his captive says, frowning.  “It’s not… I didn’t have any poison with me.  I can make poison.  But I never mix it up with anything else unless…” he trails off.  Oh, for the love of Kuma Lisa, the fucker is blushing.

Wait… what?  

Why would anyone blush when they were talking about poison?

Kit’s eyes flicker down to his captive’s red-stained shirt, the gory elephant in the room.

“I wasn’t going to poison Ren,” the man continues before Kit can press that point, “I might… I might have asked him to… drink something with the herbs in it—” it is all Kit can to to keep from clawing this creature’s throat out, biting it out, make him bleed drink his blood—“But I—I would have drunk some too.  So we could—so we could talk to each other without being nervous.”  The man looks down.  For a moment Kit considers grabbing his face again, but he restores eye contact himself. “Ren and I both get nervous.  And we… don’t always… make good decisions.”  His brow furrows.  “Why do your eyes make me feel better?  Your eyes are like… my medicine… like looking down into the water…”

Oh, ew.

“Limpid pools, I’m sure,” Kit says drily “Listen—"

“Not pools,” the man interrupts.  “Like… a river.  Not the river but… they flow.  When the light shines against them, like a sunset… or moonlight… glitters on the current…” the man shakes his head, obviously trying t clear it.  “I think I hate you.  I hate you for hurting me.  For tying me up.  And… I hate you because you have Ren, and I don’t.  But I could keep the river in your eyes forever.”

Oh, ew, ew, ewww.  The only reason the man managed to get that overwrought little prose-poem out is that Kit is speechless with (mostly) revulsion.  His charm makes people think better of him, so it’s not like it’s the first time he’s hypnotized somebody and they’ve started getting gushy.  But this is the first time it’s happened with someone he actively loathes and vice versa.  And he’s pissed off with himself for being almost flattered by what amounts to someone saying ‘I would tear on your eyes and keep them on a nightstand if I ever got the chance’.

Maybe it’s hypocritical to get creeped out by that when Kit and Ren have mutually pledged to eat each other’s heart if one of them dies before the other, but there are things you do with your boyfriend that you don’t do with anyone else, and romantic dismemberment is one of them.

Kit runs a hand through his silvery hair, and his tail swishes behind him.

“So you mean to tell me you were stalking Ren on the off chance you could get him alone so that you could get high together and… what?  Talk things out?”

The man smiles a hesitant, hopeful smile.  He’s blushing again.  It’s uncomfortably endearing.

“You understand,” his captive murmurs.

“Let’s say I do,” says Kit. “Now, let’s take a minute and think about how I fit into all this.  Or rather, how I don’t.”  He takes the man’s face in his hands, thumbs just below his eyes.  His captive doesn’t resist at all, gazing back levelly.  “Would you have killed me to get Ren alone?”

“Only if I had to,” the man says calmly.  “I didn’t plan on it.  I had something to knock you out.  Special medicine.  You wouldn’t even have woken up with a headache.”

“But if you had no choice, you would have killed me,” Kit says, “Is that true?”

The man shrugs as best he can tied up.

“I hated you even before you did this to me.  Because Ren loves you, I think.  And… I want Ren to love me.  Only me. I want to be the only person Ren needs.”

There’s that unwelcome consanguinity of spirit again.  Kit grinds his teeth.

“But I didn’t really have a plan.  I thought maybe I could just take him from you.  I didn’t need to kill you.”

For a moment, everything is still.

Then there is blood, and screaming.

When kit is done the man’s clothing is considerably more tattered, and his eyes are huge and terrified. There are four raw, bleeding claw marks on his right cheek, and fang marks in his shoulder.

“Listen to me,” Kit coos, pulling back and licking the blood off his lips.  He cradles the man’s head, forcing him to look at his eyes again. Kit wonders if it feels terrible to want to approve of your kidnapper.  He hopes so.  “Listen, Lawrence.  Oh, don’t look surprised, of course I know your name, I rummaged through your wallet.  Lawrence, you have to understand,” Kit smiles with all his teeth, “That the only way to take Ren from me is to kill me.  Because Ren and I are not two separate people.  We are one pair of lovers.  Yes, lovers.  I do not exist without Ren.  By definition, taking Ren away from me nullifies my entire being.  It is more than death to lose Ren.  It is worse than death to lose Ren.  So much worse that I really don’t have words to describe it.” He laughs.  The laughter goes on a little longer than he intends, and the dim lights shine off his red-stained teeth as well as his eyes.

“Lawrence, I get the idea that you’re not the most stable bloke around.  Hey, it’s OK; as you can see, I’m not really the picture of mental health either!”  He laughs again, but manages to stifle it into a brief giggle.  “I have had a really, really shitty fucking life.  I have a feeling that’s something we’ve got in common. So part of me doesn’t blame you for wanting Ren.  Ren is like every soft, slow day in late summer rolled into one beautiful being.  Ren is like a fire that heals you instead of burning. Ren is like the blood that flows in your veins… but cleaner.  Right?” He leans down to lick Lawrence’s cheek, and Lawrence flinches.  There is something wrong about Lawrence’s blood, something sick.  Kit feels drunk on blood and rage.

“But you can’t have Ren. No, never.  Even if you kill me, I’ll still be there, waiting inside him.  And one night, maybe when you’re lying beside him, or even if you’re in another room, I’ll just crawl up out of Ren’s mouth, I’ll slither out of his eyes, and I will hurt you, Lawrence.  I’ll hurt you and I’ll keep hurting you.  I’ll claw and shred and eat every soft part of your body, Lawrence.  I’ll stick my claws in your brain and shove splinters in your dreams.  Being dead won’t stop me.  Being dead won’t make me gentle.”  He presses his face close to Lawrence, dimly aware that he’s panting.  He hopes Lawrence can smell the rotten blood on his breath.

“I would do anything for Ren,” Kit hisses, “Anything.  Anything to make him happy.  Anything to keep him safe.  I would kill you.  I would kill myself.  If I thought Ren wanted it, I would hurt myself.  I’d let you hurt me, if Ren asked.  I would let you stick your fingers under my skin and rip my tendons apart with your teeth.  I’d let you slice my muscles to bits with your weak little human fingernails.”  Lawrence is panting too, lost in Kit’s eyes, in his words.  “Can you say the same, Lawrence?  Can you love Ren enough to let yourself be destroyed?  No.  No, you couldn’t, not even if you wanted to.”  Kit leans back.  He lets his hand trail almost tenderly down Law’s throat just below his collar to his chest, where tattered fabric sticks to gore.

It was bloody even before their little conversation.

“I killed you,” Kit says. He sounds less unhinged now, the bloodlust slowly starting to fade.  He’s just kind of irritated.  “Knife right between the ribs, right into your heart.  It was a good kill.”  He glares at Lawrence, fox ears lowered.  “I took you down here.  I was gonna burn you,” He’s gratified to see Lawrence go pale, “But then you started breathing.  And fuck me, what am I supposed to do with that?”  He paces a little.

“I don’t know if burning you would work.  I don’t know if that would somehow make you stronger, or whatever, like salamanders.”

Lawrence blinks, still frightened but also confused.

“But amphibians need to stay w—”

“There’s a mythological creature, shut the fuck up,” snaps Kit.  “I mean, not even mythological.  They exist, like kitsune do.  You know Ren’s a kitsune too?  Well he is.  And he’s mine, and I need to keep him safe from you, and all I can think of to do that right now is to keep you locked up, except…” Kit sighs.  He shakes his head, trying to clear it, and is immediately annoyed to have another parallel with Lawrence.

“Ren is smart.  And Ren lived in this house with a serial killer—yes, yes, right surprising, I know—and he is probably gonna figure out I’m keeping someone down here.  And I really don’t know how he’s gonna feel when he learns it’s you.  He never… he never forgot about you.”  Lawrence looks up sharply. 

“Yes.  Ha.  He’s mentioned you.  He’s never forgiven himself for flaking out; just too scared to try talking to you again.  And as messed up as Ren is, I’m… not sure he’ll hate you as much as he’s supposed to.”  Kit stares into the distance, as if the basement wall holds some secret.  “I know he doesn’t hate me like he should.”

Lawrence watches warily as Kit walks over the basement sink and washes the blood off his hands.  He grabs a towel from a rack beside the sink, wets it, and proceeds to clean Lawrence up a little.  The captive does his best not to flinch, which isn’t much.

“I am telling you all this because you might get your conversation after all, and I don’t want there to be any miscommunication.  We’ll figure out what to do with you.  Might be he’ll want to keep you, and I... I want Ren to have what he wants.  I’d-- I’d do anything for him.  If that wasn’t clear.”  Kit tosses the washcloth into a laundry hamper without looking.  Then he flicks Lawrence’s collar with a claw, causing a little red light on it to flicker.

“Don’t try to get away.  I’ve set this thing to kill you if you try to leave the basement.  And while that might seem like something you’d just get over, let me assure you that electrocution ain’t fun.”  Kit sighs. “Woulda been so much easier if you just died when you were supposed to…”

“Yes,” Lawrence says softly, eyes downcast. 

Kit hadn’t been expecting that.

Kit thinks hard about that ‘yes’ as he walks up the basement stairs, and is troubled.

[lostinaseaoffictionalbliss]

The Great Escape

Summary: With Bilbo's help everyone is able to escape the elven kingdom, but are things alright between Kili and Nell?

Pairing: Fili X wife!OC X Kili

Warning: very angsty

Word Count: 1276

Nell slumped to the floor as soon as she was thrown in a cell. She didn't see the point of fighting anymore, it wasn't going to do her any good. The elves had taken her weapons, leaving her completely defenseless. With a heavy sigh she leaned her head back against the wall. “At least in here Azog can't get us,” she whispered to herself. She was having a hard time finding the good in everything they had been through, but she was trying. Nell knew that even in the darkest hour, well nothing seems possible, all options seem to be taken from you, the end is near, and there is no chance of things getting better. That was when you needed to fight the hardest. So she clung to the smallest fraction of hope she had that they would survive this and manage to escape.

“Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything in my trousers,” she heard Kili say. Her head snapped up and she looked out of the cell bars to see him talking to Tauriel. A huff left her as she rolled her eyes. Figures he would be talking to that pretty elf, she thought as she crossed her arms.

“Or nothing,” Tauriel replied.

“Don't worry about him. You know the young lad is bad for saying things without thinking.” Nell looked up and noticed Balin was in the cell with her. Her lips quirked up in a sad sort of smile. After all how could she be happy, when one of her husbands was flirting with someone else? She just didn't understand why he was acting this way. Was he tired of sharing her with his brother? Did he want a love all his own? All these thoughts pained her and she didn't say a word in return. Nell knew if she did her voice would break, her unshed tears would fall, and everyone would know just how small and insignificant she felt in that very moment.

Closing her eyes Nell decided to try and get some sleep. When she woke up she caught the tail end of a conversation Kili was having with Tauriel. Something about a blood moon and how beautiful it was. A small sigh left her at the memory. It had been a beautiful night and when they saw the bright red moon the three of them had stopped to admire it despite the fact they were part of an escort. Her, Fili, and Kili talked about how it was the embodiment of love, beautiful, bright, and everlasting. And now Kili was sharing the story with someone else. “Just break your wife's heart why don't ya. It's not like I don't have feelings or anything,” she grumbled.

The only thing Nell wanted right that moment was to get out of the cell and away from what she thought was a blossoming love between her husband and an elf. But there was no way that was going to happen. They were stuck and she knew no matter what she did they weren't getting out anytime soon. And so she resigned herself to listening to the two talk, bond, and fall in love. With each word spoken between the two she felt her heart break just a little bit more.

How wrong she was to think they were stuck however because in the next moment Bilbo popped up out of nowhere with the keys. Nell leapt to her feet and rushed to hug the little hobbit as soon as the door was open. “I should have known you would get us out of this. You seem to always be getting us out of tricky situations and for that I can not think you enough my friend.” She squeezed him just a bit tighter before letting him go. Bilbo smiled up at her and patted her shoulder. He was very observant and despite the fact she was masking her true feelings, he could see the anguish hidden in her dark green orbs, but instead of calling her out he gave her a comforting smile.

As soon as Bilbo led the company into the cellars there was an uproar of complaints. No one could believe the hobbit had led them further into the palace and not out. Nell turned to look at him with a raised brow. “What's the plan here exactly Bilbo? You know I trust you, but this seems a little bit crazy.” She looked around the room as if trying to prove her point.

“You need to get into the barrels. All of you.” Bilbo pointed toward the stacked, empty barrels behind them. Of course no one was willing to listen, thinking it a bad idea, and that they were going to get caught. None of the company was willing to do as instructed until Thorin took over and told them to climb in. Nell uncrossed her arms and walked toward the barrels, all of which were full.

“Get in here with me,” Kili said. She gave him a pointed look walked passed his barrel and got in with Fili causing the younger dwarf to look at her in confusion. He tried asking her what was wrong, but in the next moment Bilbo pulled a lever and they were falling down into the cold river below. They sputtered about for a few minutes as they waited on Bilbo to join them. When he splashed down into the water Nori pulled him up and let him latch onto his barrel and then they were off.

Things seemed to be going well and it looked like they were going to escape, but then the elves spotted them and pulled a lever, closing the gate in front of them. They crashed into it and each other not able to go any further. Nell groaned and leaned her head against Fili's chest. “Well so much for our great escape,” she mumbled. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close until a cry about orcs was heard. The entire company began shoving at the orcs that came too close and stole a few weapons from the ones that fell dead due to the elves.

Nell was in the process of fighting one of her and Fili's barrel when she heard him yell, “Kili!” She shoved a blade through the orc and turned around. Seeing an arrow in Kili's leg her face lost all color, her heart was pounding so loud she was amazed no one else could hear it. Yes, she was angry with him and hurt beyond all belief, but he was still her love, her heart and soul. Nell would never wish harm to come to him. She watched as he pulled the lever freeing all of them and then fell back into his own barrel breaking the arrow.

It was impossible for her to keep an eye on him after that. They were once again careening down the river trying to kill the orcs when they came too close. The company also had to worry about the blasted elves who were following them and fighting off the orcs. At one point Legolas was using the dwarves’ heads as stepping stones. Something Nell did not find amusing. She had been very tempted to shove him in the river when he got near her, but she held back because the blonde elf did kill an orc who had been aiming for her.

After Thorin threw an axe killing an orc sneaking up on Legolas the elves stopped following the company, letting the rapid river lead them away from the Mirkwood kingdom and the orc pack that was following them.

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@e-wolf-98 @ambivertedcroissant @thatfanficstuff @sdavid09 @violentmommabear42