#a pure stream of consciousness

[jellicores]

duck duck goose - a quick, mostly-silent, minicomic

[urban-shade]

i have this 40 minute long ramble podcast-y video on top of run footage about pressure/sebastian and i really want to make it public for the real pressureheads but i go off on zeals writing maybe a little too insanely to actually make it public (in a positive way but still) but i have a lot of good clips from it i might eventually post. here's one where i ramble about what'd happen if they wanted to make sure he still had all his tastebuds

[the-spooky-children]

I have two wolves in me

One wants Skidad to be a chaotic evil irredeemable villain that kills kids for his immortality cult and only married Lila and has Skid for the cult

The other wants Skidad to have done terrible no good very bad things for the cult but then died and has been trapped in the mannequin and forced to reflect on all the shit he's done for years until by episode 10 he's a completely different person and he still cracks jokes all the time

[ssvnormandysr-1]

Gale & Mystra's relationship is hard to watch bc it reminds me so much of grooming that happens so often in art spaces/ schools. When I say grooming here I don't necessarily mean adult grooming a child but more of a person in a position of power crossing boundaries with a student and grooming them to be in a relationship while the student couldn't say no and still with a huge power imbalance. it's unfortunately not an uncommon thing in art spaces where mentors/ older artists/ professors find, target, and exploit young students, which on the surface can seem like an honor and special treatment and all but of course, it's fucked up and wrong and all kinds of ethics and boundary crossing. Profs can be legitimately (and should be) fired for this or be reprimanded. "You are so talented, you are so good, I can help you go further, etc etc" and young students often don't have a choice of saying no, and since such attention is framed as something of an honor and elicit the feeling of being special, it's hard for self and others to help them get out of such relationships.

idk man. I do feel like people forget that grooming absolutely happens between adults when there is an imbalance of power and just because he wasn't literally a child when he met mystra ppl like to dismiss his trauma. Did Gale fuck up big time and did a big no-no because of his hubris? Yes. Does he have an ego the size of a planet and an underlying thought of "yes but I'm built different"? Absolutely. Is he still a flawed human and uses some pretty unhealthy communication behaviors? You bet. Do these stem from his self-esteem and attachment issues, much of it caused by his upbringing as a child prodigy who always had to strive and having a goddess for a partner that never could've been his equal? Ding ding ding yes absolutely definitely. Some can say he used her as much as she used him and I get that - he's a wizard, he has insatiable curiosities and desire to wield greater magic and oh hey his partner is the goddess of magic what a good opportunity! But also how much can a mortal "use" a god, truly, you know?

[rainia]

tried to do the Gorgug maths question myself but I have to say that my A level maths has fucking FAILED me I do not know how to long division with speed it was frankly humbling. I got close but I still made some errors along the way. And. There is no way I could have done that question in 2 minutes. The essay question though, in my hubris I feel like I could easily yap 300 words (probably could Not)

[whoblewboobear]

Ngl after the first two chapters I’m kinda leaning hard into appreciating and loving Gabe a ton rn. Bc when it became very clear that this book was essentially gonna be “baby vampire fish out of water” plot I was already a little apprehensive. I think it was way too soon for this mc to be turned (bloodbound had incredible pacing for this) but the writers didn’t think they’d ever be writing a book 2 so the book 1 ending was.. messy to say the least. They wrote themselves into a bit of a corner and cas and Gabe fighting over which coven mc will join isn’t that interesting either. Don’t wanna be under lewyn’s rule and the venandi’s are 😬 but I love Cas and Astoria so 🤷🏾

I do love milking the vampire guilt plot line for all it’s worth but between the two li’s Gabe is the one who understands (which I gave her so much shit for in book one bc presumably she’d been a vampire for a while and the guilt didn’t fully feel justified.)

I get that Cas is excited that mc has turned. He loves it, he loves being a vampire and he wants mc to love it too but he’s also stubborn and probably beyond frustrated that the things he hated about Gabe and now things that mc is going through. He can’t get past that right now which makes being a Cas Simp™️ So hard.

Also can I just say it is so silly/goofy to me when humanoid characters complain about humans despite looking like and being one in the past. Let mc be comfortable with their humanity. It doesn’t make them any less of a vampire, Cas, Damn 👀

[teal-fiend]

College student pred

Usually as I’ve seen it’s been the other way around. And i get it, the unfair power dynamic is fetishised. But i find the inverse of this trope more compelling

Hungry college aged kid, living off of microwaved meals, ramen soup, coffee, red bull, cigarettes and left over beer

Underfed, sleep deprived, hung over, everything unhealthy you can imagine. They can’t remember the last time that they had a proper meal

They could go for one of their fellow students, but they have to remind themselves that these people are their future colleagues - their network. So it might put a strain on their future workplace relationships if they start picking them off now. The lecturer, however

And It’s embarrassing, feeding one of your own students. Not even becoming prey to someone of your own generation. It’s almost a waste; the professor is an expert, a doctor, a renowned professional in their field, and they become fuel for someone who has so little experience it’s not even fair to compare them. It’s a waste of knowledge, just for one meal that won’t even keep the pred fed for that long. 

But a student does have to eat. And when they’re done, they’ll go right back to studying. There’s no time for them to waste enjoying the sensation of digestion. They have work to do, tutorials and labs to attend, as to not scuff their record or fall behind. Their stomach will still work even if they’re not resting like maybe they should be

Although it would cause a bit of a cock up when the university has to find a replacement for the course the prey was teaching. I guess the solution would be to hunt a professor who doesn’t teach any of your subjects, to shirk the problem onto somebody else

In the future, if the student does actually manage to graduate and get a job in the field, they can look back and mentally thank all their favourite lecturers who kept them fed while they studied. They wouldn’t have gotten here without them

[ruelpsen]

feeling insane about that fictional man tonight (in a horny-subby way)

Holy fucking fuck do I want to be his fat little fucktoy. I want him to use me for his own pleasure and for him to enjoy seeing how much I love it when he treats me as a slutty plaything. I want him to fuck me whenever and wherever and as often as he wants and in whatever ways he wants. Letting him use me like that sounds so fucking good.

And don't even get me started on weight. I want him to force me to get fat, whether from food or his cum as going by that one kinky hc I have for his kind. I want him to condition me so I get horny when he feeds me so I get all needy and give him all the more reason to use me then and there. I want him to want me bigger, to make me bigger, and make me that much hornier the more of me there is. I want him to shove his cocks in my mouth so I have no choice but to get bigger thanks to him.

I want him to use my throat so I can be a disgusting little whore and belch on him like a good fat slut. I want him to mock me over how horny and desperate his own belches make me. I want him to tease me for it, force me to beg for it, make me admit how disgusting I am for wanting him to belch in my mouth. Fuck, I'm disgusting, but I want it. I want him. I want to be his gross, fat little fucktoy, belching again and again as he fucks me. I want my moans of pleasure to get interrupted by belches as he makes me cum, only for him to keep going because I'm not done until he's done. Fuck. Fuck. I want him I want him I want him God I need him to force me to cum and be absolutely nasty to me.

[dadmareau]

Does Sunbeam work himself into the ground sometimes, and if he does what's dadmare's reaction to that?

+ Now that he's older, do some biases he had as a child/feelings change? Did little Nightmare know the amount of responsibility Dream forced on himself? Now an adult with more experience and knowledge, does he see the things his brother went through in a different light? Did he envy, even feel a little bitter towards his brother as a child, and has that emotion changed now that he has a different view of what happened/what's happening? maybe this is a bit much to ask all at once but ohh I'm so curious about how Nightmare feels/felt about his brother... and how maybe Dream's life wasn't as idyllic as he thought.

Love all of this. Hope these responses work.

1) Sunbeam does work himself into the ground, and gradually, Nightmare has gravitated out from bedrest to actively watch over him and ensure he doesn’t get pushed around. Initially, Sunbeam took offense to this and felt he was being looked down on-he feels it’s his duty to be help others even at the cost of himself. Nightmare is heavily against this.

Later on, Sunbeam would be able to forget his guilt and frustration and just exist as a child. He’s encouraged by Nightmare to go play with other kids and do whatever he wants, instead of constantly helping others.

2) Nightmare’s biases have changed over the time he got to process everything. He feels less angry and more… bitter. He’s had time to think of exactly what he would want to do and how he would do it to every person who wronged him, and who he’s forgiven or forgotten thus far.

You’ll find there are specific characters he has a strong grudge against-and others that have simply faded to memories. Most of those who’ve faded are kids. He’d feel ridiculous tormenting a child for something they hadn’t done (yet) or didn’t fully understand the impact of.

3) Kid Nightmare didn’t quite realize the full scope of Dream’s plight. I’d imagine he wasn’t really capable, having grown up with that being their only option. Additionally, he was more preoccupied with how he was being treated.

Dream was his baby brother, and Dream was also the Chosen One from his book. To everyone else, being the Hero was more important than being Nightmare’s brother. He hated this.

Most of the time, when he saw Dream, he thought ‘brother.’ But when he felt abandoned, he thought Dream was doing what he had to as the Hero of the story. Still, he blamed Dream for leaving him behind when he needed him most, and felt betrayed while still pushing him away. Dream needed to help the villagers, it was what he had to do because everyone said they had to.

As an adult, Nightmare had time to process. He partly blames Dream, still, but most of the animosity is for the person he’d grow up to. A lot of his hatred is for the villagers.

4) Originally, Nightmare, as a child, was envious of Dream. Dream was surrounded by constant love, friends, and attention. It wouldn’t make sense to him why Dream could even think of being miserable while being clearly cherished. He could understand being tired out, since he had to work so much, but he didn’t grasp the full constant burden of responsibility and expectations Dream had.

Why would Dream have room to be sad when he wasn’t being outcasted and bullied like Nightmare? He didn’t understand what kind of pain his brother was in-mainly because Dream didn’t even know.

Now, as an adult entrenched in the past and forced to re-evaluate everything he thought he knew, Nightmare recognizes that it was far more complex than he knew. Dream was worked to the bone, he was cherished, but he was abused. Nightmare and Dream were scapegoats of fault for the village. They were never children to them.

It makes him sad and frustrated and angry, to know he’s back here, and to know that the issue isn’t easily solved by a bit of carnage. (Well, it could be solved that way… but the thought of upsetting his brother stops him.)

[proosh]

wolf/bunny, what could go wrong

did you know that rabbits can struggle so hard they break their own spines.

I don't know if Fran knows, when he sinks his teeth into his kicking, screaming prey, that Gil will twist himself to pieces in order to return the favour in kind.

[sieglinde-freud]

Can I get you started on the derailment of Duncan and Courtney?

what is this, a total drama vent blog now? but yeah you can :) under cut

i think the derailment of courtney is like five thousand times more annoying than duncan but that might j be bc i dont really like duncan (hes fine in island, kinda boring in action (didnt deserve his win idgaf that shouldve been harold there. yes im still mad lindsay went home instead of him in rock n rule), and the entirety of that mid section of world tour just revolving around him and the stupid love triangle drama is SO annoying. and then he makes final five FOR WHAT??? FOR WHAT???? im sick of his ass. what was i talking about. right) but either way theyre both two very major characters so its just really sad to see them both fall victim to horrible characterization? cuz you start in island right and in general island is a lot more grounded than the other seasons and leans more into the fact that theyre all 2000’s teenage stereotypes so in island theyre just the good ol cliche good girl/bad boy couple its iconic, its cute, WAY more entertaining than gwent (but they get a pass cuz gwen was basically the main character of that season. u go girl. go get that bag AND that boring wet dog man) and its just nice. courtney shows signs of being controlling but for the most part duncan’s attitude gets courtney to loosen up a bit and have fun and courtney made duncan a better person.

and then action happens and then courtney is like. rightfully mad she got screwed out of the season after harold gets her kicked off and no one gaf but its like. you can see where this could go and it doesnt look great. not much happens for duncan except he gets more insufferable bc they didnt give him any friends this season? unlike when he geoff and dj to bounce off of now he just picks fights with harold and the other gaffers which IS funny but. basically action is where the red flags start being put up. their relationship is. fine. like i liked it at the time but knowing where it heads is upsetting. anyways

then u get to world tour and theyre close to their island dynamic again (with the exception of gwen being there…) but then duncan quits first episode which i think was actually a great choice bc of how courtney finally gets to stand on her own as a character without him (i actually really like duncney. but her character was always tied to him in some way yk?) and make her own friends and it was looking great! until i see london and everything goes to shit. dude comes back, cheats on courtney, and then everyone on that god forsaken plane gets involved. first of all, ISLAND DUNCAN WOULD NEVER??? no fucking way. not even action duncan. dude was HOOKED on her crazy ass. AND FOR GWEN?!?! who has never been the same since island but thats a different thing. but they had literally zero romantic chemistry. all they have in common is that theyre both alt kids. NOT EVEN THE SAME KIND OF ALTERNATIVE! just alt. ugh. and then courtney gets sent into a spiral which, is a valid reaction to getting cheated on i do not blame her. and w/ someone you thought was ur friend like i GET IT. and i am on her side. but then her character goes back to ONLY EVER BEING ABOUT DUNCAN except this time its how much she hates him and her character just. pauses! she doesnt go anywhere else from i see london until shes eliminated inn… what was it. chinese fakeout? like shes just a hater who makes zero meaningful relationships aside from getting played by alejandro and shes just. like its just. its not good. and to know that any of this only happened bc the producers forced a duncney break up. girl sit DOWNNN

and then all stars just tramples them even more. since when has duncan ever gave a shit what people think of him? jojo siwa acting ass with this “im a bad boy!1!!!!” act island duncan would never. and then courtney. ohh courtney. she got flushed down a toilet force feeding herself ice cream with bird shit on it. all i gotta say (but also. nerfed bc she literally has an iron stomach in chinese fake out. whatever)

i still love them though. well, i love courtney. duncans alright but still neither of them deserved any of that

[strange-lamp-stranger]

incoherent Aurora reread thoughts

Tess was punching a dragon that is in some way connected to the Paladins and also had a blue-white-and-gold colour scheme. same colour scheme as the Paladins' "Champion", who has dragon-like wings of light?? so this guy is definitely possessed by the Light Dragon a la Erin and Voidy, right? although since this dragon seems... less evil, it's probably got a more collaborative relationship with the Champion. BUT also if it's possessing him, why does it have a physical form entirely separate from him? is the Light Dragon able to split some of its essence into an incarnation and some of it into a human body? WAIT, the Champion's scleras are black, like Erin's when his body is completely taken over by Walter. SO, is the Light Dragon fully puppeteering this guy? sure seems like it. so either the Light Dragon is able to transform the Champion's body, or it's able to create a completely separate incarnation in the form of a dragon. But the Champion's speech bubble isn't the same as when Voidy talks - it's a normal speech bubble, but outlined in pale blue instead of black - we see a similar thing with emissaries of gods, such as the Arenamaster. So the Champion is something between a vessel and an emissary. WAIT AGAIN okay so the dragon Tess was punching likely wasn't an incarnation of the Light Dragon herself, because she refers to it as a "messenger". so it's affiliated with the Paladins but not necessarily a part of the Light Dragon herself. She also refers to Erin as VD's "avatar"; is this the word for an emissary/vessel of a Primordial? meaning it's a different enough situation to warrant a whole new word. VD only referring toe Erin as a "vessel" and not an "avatar" implies one or both of two things: VD doesn't know what an avatar is, or that Erin is not as attuned/in-sync to him as the Champion is to LD.

Erin's family "has had dealings with" the soulshaper monks before?? this supports the theory that Erin's links to the elements weren't fully open and so he had to do some soul fuckery to be able to access/control his powers. this would in turn lend credence to the theory that the Collector is (was?) an Elemental Magus; if only one Elemental Magus can exist at a given time, the Collector's whole... deal in regards to both her magic and mortality makes sense.

EDIT: okay WAIT as of 1.11.11 it's pretty much certain that the Collector is like. a really fucked up Life mage. she says she "healed" the crater (wound in Stone's skin) in which Vash was located. so she likely wasn't an Elemental Magus, because if she was she wouldn't have used such specific phrasing.

[sybaritick]

The invasion of her riverside polity by the weasels and stoats had come with at least two weeks' warning as the mustelids advanced down snowmelt streams that had widened over dozens of miles into the broad, deep river she recognized. But there was little they could do, even with that time; armed only with crudely-made shortbows (not enough for all of them) and knives (better suited to the kitchen than self-defense). None of these weapons saw use, anyway. They resisted so little the capture was nearly bloodless save two guards and the baroness who had refused to be captured alive and managed to make good on the promise; the baron alone was taken as a hostage.

She was raised with the standard that rabbits should be slender and quiet and quick, none of which she has ever met even in childhood. But by the weasels that remain to keep order she is constantly singled out for jealousy-inducing special treatment; she luxuriates in being the one who is always afforded extra food or leniency or the clothes and jewelry of the invaders that fancy themselves their new masters, the vole-pelt cloak and the heavy wool skirt with its gleaming brass buttons and promises to keep her warm through the coming winter.

She watches a stoat guard's claws sliced to the quick for the crime of groping her, and remembers how it had been ignored when he targeted several of the others.

They take three, four a week from the city that they mean to eat. Criminals, always. If there are not enough criminals, they will arrest more. But she is a symbol of edibility valued more in life than death, she gathers. Something looked upon to stir the appetite. A shopkeep piles a half-serving more of the caramelized, brown-sugar-glazed carrots on her plate than she paid for. She eats them all.

When she stands again, it's a relief from the way the buttons of her skirt had pressed too tight against her belly.

After the first frost in the late evenings the resistors chatter in one of the bakeries that remained open through it all. How many more are there of us than them, you see, if we all attacked at once-- they'll only send for more and they'll kill us all-- they're spread too thin, there are no reinforcements left to send-- now is the time, before the winter-- and she listens, and nods, and says little.

She recognizes that perhaps the treatment she can garner is an opportunity that might help her kind.

She considers the way her kind will return to seeing her once the invaders are chased off over the horizon.

[ssvnormandysr-1]

The thing about gale is that I don't really think he's arrogant. He does not think that others are beneath him necessarily and when he talks about himself it's not to make you feel bad, but to make himself feel worthy and also hopefully make you think that he's interesting and cool too.

his hubris is shown mostly when we support him in pursuit of the crown and from his backstory, but still visible in other areas. His hubris consists essentially of his idea that "he is different" than others, that he should be and do more, better, destined for great things. This is tied extremely closely with his sense of self worth and how he was raised to put his value in his abilities and accomplishment - all of these, we only really get a deep peek at it when we romance him or play as his origin. His belief - hubris - that he can wield the crown, that he won't be corrupted, that he has the ability to succeed where karsus failed, are, while I believe partly genuine confidence and intellectual craving as a wizard, also a mean to achieve a sense of being enough and worthy.

[embers-archive]

Thinking about the syndicate and the roles they take to help raise Michael after the nuke...

Phil has the most experience raising kids so he'd probably take initiative on this one and act as the sort of primary caregiver. H and I were talking about this last night that he'd show Michael all his stories from travelling, show him all his builds/ future projects. He'd teach Michael anything and everything he knows. And Michael's a fast learner just like his dad and ends up exceeding in project planning (though he's more interested in the functionality/ redstone side of things compared to phil who loves the aesthetic and story telling aspects). Phil's scared at first... scared that somehow he'd make some mistake and Michael would end up like wilbur and he'd loose another son. So he's pretty helicopter parent for a bit, very paranoid until techno and niki confront him about it and help him through his fears. He backs more after that but he's still very protective ahdh he'll hath no fury like a pissed off mama bird.

Techno takes on the uncle role, a bit under experienced when it comes to children and a bit chaotic in how he helps raise them. He'd been around enough to see wilbur and tubbo grow up under Phil's care put he never played an active role in it. He'd probably teach Michael self defence and general fighting skills. The first time Michael beats him in a spar he actually cries cause damn his runt's growing up. He's also a bit of a storyteller and even tells Michael the gory parts of stories that phil never tells him. Techno also tries to teach Michael about piglin culture - techno's relationship with his culture is complicated and strained at best, he feels a lot of guilt for not engaging with it more, so, he tries his best to make sure Michael never feels that way.

Niki takes on the older sister role. She's hesitant at first to bond with Michael. She's never really interacted with kids that young, the only kids she's properly interacted with was tommy, tubbo and fundy and they were all soldiers with duties and responsibilities and... Michael isn't. But Michael is nothing but persistent and grows attached to her, always trying to help with things she's doing or just trying to be near her. So one day she asks if he wants to bake with her, which spawns a new tradition: every week they go on foraging trips and come back and bake. She likes to give wisdom and advice most of all, telling him censored versions of situations she's been in and how to solve them (one day somehow they get onto the topic of manberg, that day they cut that session short). She's also the most physically affectionate out of the three and Michael takes full advantage of that. A lot of tge time he just like to hold her hand and mess with her fingers.

[57sfinest]

Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Jean Vicquemare Characters: Harry Du Bois, Jean Vicquemare, Chester McLaine, Mack Torson Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Behavior, Pre-Martinaise Harry Du Bois, Pre-Martinaise Harry Du Bois Is an Asshole, Codependency, Unhealthy Relationships, Substance Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, just typical shit for them., Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, there's a lot of talk of suicide and violent impulses etc so please take this warning seriously, their relationship is very complicated., Implied Sexual Content, doesnt explicitly go any further than undressing but it's implied

Summary:

He imitates cocking a gun with his free hand and holds it to his head. “Y’know those fuckin’, dollhouse type murders? Posed up like they’re waiting for you. I’m gonna stage it. Give ‘em a fucking scavenger hunt or something.” This, unfortunately, is not difficult to imagine him doing. “And you’ll kill yourself when they find you?” He nods slowly, thoughtfully. “There’s an idea,” He says, staring into the bottle he’s holding. “I meant I’d already have blown my fucking brains out, but that’s something. You’re a natural, Vic. You should do it with me. Really give ‘em something to fuckin’ remember.”