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anyon-else · 8 months ago

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Bite the Hand That Feeds Me (Bite the Hand That Needs Me) (The Red Room pt.15) | You and Kakashi are confronted with familiar demons. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naturo Uzumaki, Ino Yamanaka, Danzo Shimura, Asuma Sarutobi, Kurenai Yūhi, Genma Shiranui, Orochimaru, and one (1) mysterious man

Warnings | ANGST, hurt/comfort, this one's pretty heavy ngl, gun violence, blood, torture (kind of? like a little but not really), dissociation, suicidal ideation (I PROMISE IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS)

Word count | 10k (yeesh)

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"I am a dead woman, and I don't care."

Katherine Mansfield, from Journal of Katherine Mansfield

Kakashi came to in a room that he had only been in once before.

It had been decades since he'd last seen these concrete walls. The two-way mirror in front of him was an unwelcome sight that left him with nothing to do but watch his reflection watch him back. He wondered who was doing the same on the other side.

Handcuffs kept him locked to the table, though he took note of the lack of restraints on his ankles. Standard procedure aside, most of the suspects who ended up in this room were violent enough that extra precautions were oftentimes necessary.

Not that he planned to follow their example.

They could have left him anywhere else. Any other room would've been better than this—hell, he would've taken a doghouse if it had been an option.

The last time he was here, he was being questioned for murder.

He looked up at the creak of the metal door—the decades-old hinges still sounded the same as they had when he was twelve, and it was as unwelcome as it was familiar.

His hope for any semblance of understanding from his interrogator was lost when Danzo Shimura stepped through the door. With his lips turned down in an irritated frown, Danzo looked like his usual, unenthused self. He and Kakashi watched one another for a very long moment, trapped in a silent stalemate that felt uncomfortably familiar.

What wasn't familiar was the air of dangerous satisfaction Kakashi could sense from the older man.

Danzo took a seat in the chair opposite to Kakashi's, blocking his view of his reflection. With little decorum and far more force than was necessary, he tossed something noisily onto the table between them. It slid across the hard metal and came to a stop in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi instinctively reached towards it the moment it came within arms reach. His handcuffs jerked noisily, and he scowled at them, then at the satisfied look on Danzo's face.

"I take it you know who this is," Danzo said, pointing towards where you stood in the framed picture. It was the one of you and Sakura that he kept in his room, and its only purpose had been to bring him some semblance of comfort in your absence. Kakashi closed his eyes, trying not to linger on his stupidity for having something so damning out in the open.

Still, he never thought that SHIELD would go so far as to kidnap him and his...

"Where," he began darkly, noting the slight downward twitch of Danzo's smirk when he heard the dangerous note in Kakashi's tone, "are my students?"

"Things will go a lot smoother if you just answer my questions."

Sasuke was angry. No, he was livid.

He had never really put much faith in SHIELD as an organization. After HYDRA had been exposed from within their ranks, the small seed of trust that he'd tried to cultivate in his early days as a trainee was ripped from the ground. He only trusted Kakashi-Sensei because he could tell that his mentor wasn't just another one of SHIELD's loyal dogs. He was his own man with his own sense of purpose and justice.

He had always held that same respect for Asuma, but now he was beginning to rethink his initial assessment

"Sasuke," Asuma sighed above him, "I know you're confused, but–"

"Confused?" Sasuke spit back incredulously, finally looking up and meeting Asuma's eyes. The man was thin-lipped, waiting expectantly for Sasuke's words.

If Sasuke had any say in the matter, Asuma would never get the answers he wanted.

"I'm not talking to anyone except Kakashi-Sensei," he finally grumbled, turning his head from Asuma with a finality that made the agent sigh.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised," Asuma shook his head, slumping into a chair near the door and running a hand over his face, "look, I'm not your enemy, Sasuke. I just want to understand what's going on."

More silence.

"You asked Shikamaru for help with something," he pushed, pulling a small grimace from Sasuke, "and if it had something to do with the HYDRA agent–"

"Don't call her that," Sasuke snapped.

"What should I call her, then?"

Sasuke sneered in lieu of an answer. Asuma sighed again.

The conversation was interrupted by a groan on Sasuke's left. Both glanced towards where Naruto was lying on his side, the last of the three to regain consciousness. He shifted away from the lights, lifting an arm to shield his eyes from the harsh fluorescents.

"Sasuke?" he grumbled, peeking over his arm at his friend. Sasuke glared at him, an unspoken order of silence. "Where are we?"

"SHIELD headquarters," a third voice snapped from the corner of the room. Asuma glanced at Sakura warily, "we were kidnapped by our own people."

Sasuke couldn't help but be unsettled by the rage in Sakura's voice. It reminded him how cruel HYDRA had been to her. It had shaped her into a person that, at times, felt completely foreign to him. When she was consumed by this kind of anger, she felt unreachable. Untouchable. Like anything she came into contact with would burn to ash.

It was as if the room itself held its breath when she spoke. Sasuke saw the way Asuma halted at her biting words, and he wondered fleetingly if his suspicion of HYDRA extended to Sakura. After all, she was no longer the girl he had helped train in her adolescence. Now she had the training of HYDRA's most lethal weapons.

"Sakura–"

"How did you find out?"

Sakura turned, looking at Asuma over her shoulder with a gaze that almost made Sasuke shiver. He swallowed against his drying throat.

"I can't tell you that," Asuma sighed, looking genuinely apologetic for the situation he was putting the three in. Naruto narrowed his eyes, putting the pieces of the situation together and giving Sakura a hopeless glance. Sasuke saw his desire to go to her and offer some form of comfort, but stopped him with a firm shake of his head. Sakura had turned back towards the wall, completely closed off from even Sasuke and Naruto. They couldn't see her expression, but they saw the slight tremble in her shoulders.

"Is Shikamaru alright?" Naruto asked after a pause.

"He's fine."

"What about Kakashi-Sensei?"

"He's being questioned," Asuma said, trying to keep any emotions from bleeding into the words.

Sasuke knew that this couldn't have been easy for Asuma—despite the orders he'd been given, and despite Sasuke's own anger, it was clear that Asuma believed in Kakashi's loyalty.

But he did not have the power to decide what happened to you or Kakashi. That was up to the Director.

Although, in the Director's temporary absence, he supposed those decisions would fall to Danzo. The thought concerned him as much as it infuriated him.

"Can we at least talk to him?"

"Not yet," Asuma sighed, "we need to get a grasp on the situation. And things would go a lot smoother if the parties involved were a bit more cooperative."

He looked at Sasuke pointedly, knowing that any glances in Sakura's directional would go unobserved. The boy scoffed, arms crossed almost petulantly over his chest as he turned his head away from Asuma's gaze. Naruto looked between his two friends, then at Asuma.

"Naruto," Asuma softened his tone, kneeling in front of the boy with only a hint of guilt in his expression for exploiting Naruto's mixed emotions. Clearly the weakest emotional link of the trio, he was the most likely source of any useful information, "this is a complicated situation, but the last thing I want is for anyone to get hurt. Things would go a lot smoother if you tell me what's going on. Maybe then I can help Kakashi."

Naruto looked skeptical. He glanced at Sakura, who still had her head turned away from them, then at Sasuke, who glared at him. Their determined silence sent a clear message, but Sasuke knew that Asuma saw how uneasy Naruto felt at the idea of leaving Kakashi to his own defenses.

"You have to try to save her, too," Naruto said after a long silence.

"Naruto," Sakura hissed, turning towards him incredulously at the same time that Sasuke slapped a hand over Naruto's mouth. He shook it away and glared at Sasuke, who met his gaze with the same determined ferocity.

"This might be our best option," Naruto hissed, "Kakashi-Sensei trusts him. We've known him our whole lives–"

"It doesn't matter," Sakura snapped from her place in the corner of the room, "once you've been stained by HYDRA's name, there's no undoing it. That's all you are, and nothing can change the way they look at you. It doesn't matter how you got in or why you stayed—it just matters that you did their dirty work."

"Sakura, that's not fair..." Asuma started, but the furious glare she shot in his direction silenced him.

"Fair?" she laughed. Suddenly, it was like Sasuke got a glimpse into the person who had spent four years in HYDRA's clutches, surviving off of nothing but rage and a fierce determination to survive. "No, you're right. There's nothing fair about this. She and I were in that hell together. We both killed for them. We escaped together. You're so worried about her, but there's another person just like her standing right in front of you!"

Silence followed the outburst. Asuma held Sakura's gaze, unwilling—or maybe unable—to look away.

"She was born there," Asuma said slowly, looking guilty even before the words began leaving his lips. Sasuke tensed in anticipation of his next words, glancing cautiously in Sakura's direction. Her calm expression was masking the rage that was clear in her tense form. Her fingers twitched as if they itched to wrap around Asuma's throat. Despite his own anger, he leaned forward in the event that he'd have to put himself in between the two. Asuma was strong, but Sakura was an unstoppable force now that she had the training to give weight to her rage.

"I'm not blaming her for what she's gone through," he continued cautiously. Sasuke knew he noticed the way Sakura's calm facade was beginning to split into a boundless anger he had only seen a handful of times. He wanted to beg Asuma to shut his mouth, but a part of him wanted to let Sakura do as she pleased.

Maybe she could get them out of this room. Maybe they'd find you before you were taken somewhere they could not follow.

They needed to get you back.

"But she has been a HYDRA agent her whole life," Asuma continued, pulling Sasuke from his thoughts, "she is unpredictable. And if she hurts someone, then she becomes a liability."

Sasuke glanced at Naruto, thinking back to your return. Had anyone at SHIELD known how close you'd been to shooting Naruto, no explanation of mind-control or Orochimaru's cruelty would have convinced them that you were not the enemy.

"You know nothing," Sasuke finally muttered, both to tell Asuma what they were all thinking and to stop Sakura from saying something that would only make their situation worse. "And locking her away like she's a common prisoner is nothing short of cruel–"

The door clicked open, cutting Sasuke off before he himself could lose control of his spiraling emotions. Asuma stood from where he was blocking the entrance and pulled his chair from the door's path.

"Director," Asuma gaped, "we didn't expect you back until tomorrow."

"I heard that Kakashi and his students had been brought in as suspects."

Her voice floated into the room like a clear, refreshing spring. Then she entered, looking like an angel descending to save them. Surely she would have enough common sense to fix this without letting anyone—namely you and Ino—get hurt.

"Yes ma'am. Agent Hatake is being questioned."

The Director sighed as Asuma stepped away from the entrance.

Director Tsunade Senju was Sakura's hero. Alongside Kakashi, she'd helped shape Sakura into the person she was today. Before she was taken, Tsunade regularly coached her in field medicine, requesting her help on small missions to give her as much experience as possible.

She was kind. Sasuke knew that, despite her cold exterior, she'd understand that you were a victim of Orochimaru's cruelty as much as Sakura had been.

She fixed them with a long look, both to ease their worries and warn them to stay put.

I'll fix this, it seemed to say, just be patient.

Patience was not in abundance between the three of them, but after one last longing look in Tsunade's direction, Sakura sat in between Sasuke and Naruto, and they waited.

"If you don't talk, you won't get to see your students."

Kakashi thought his jaw was going to break. He'd been clenching his teeth together for the entirety of this interrogation, and he could feel his cheeks starting to ache from the tension. Having a conversation like this would've been infuriating with anyone, but he was quickly losing patience with Danzo's condescension.

Perhaps to the detriment of any argument he could hope to make to the Director once she returned, he stayed silent.

"Hatake," Danzo sighed, tapping his fingers against the glass picture frame between them. Kakashi glared at the smudges he was leaving in lieu of looking at the infuriating expression on his face, "this isn't going to just go away like Rin did."

Danzo went quiet as the words sunk under Kakashi's skin. He felt cold—like he'd been dunked into a pool of ice water. The room suddenly felt suffocating. Danzo knew what this room meant to him. He had probably demanded that it be used for this interrogation.

"Don't talk about Rin," he said lowly, feeling the full weight of Danzo's words as the man sneered.

"You have no right to speak disrespectfully to me. You're lucky you're here and not a cell. If it were up to me, I would've–"

The grating creak of the door interrupted Danzo's threat, and both he and Kakashi paused as Genma stepped into the room. He looked bored—like this was just another interrogation—but when he met Kakashi's eyes, Kakashi saw the suspicion that he was trying to mask.

"Agent Shimura," Genma droned, "you're needed outside."

Jaw tense, Danzo hesitated for a split second before rising to his feet.

Kakashi tried to be subtle as he tested the reach of his cuffs, but they caught just shy of the edge of the frame. He sat in dejected silence as the door creaked shut.

While being in this room with Danzo was more than unpleasant, being in it alone was somehow worse. It reminded him too much of a time he thought he'd put behind him, but being back here made him feel like a child again. When he looked back at his reflection in front of him again, it was as if his face had become younger. Those youthful features were twisted with grief and anxiety. He had just been a child back then, unable to face the reality of his actions.

But he refused to let Danzo use his failure to save Rin against him. Not when all he wanted was to keep you away from HYDRA. Despite his initially selfish intention to just save Sakura and let you go, he knew that he had done the right thing in offering you a place with him and his students.

Convincing SHIELD of that was going to be more difficult.

The door didn't move again until what must've been at least an hour, and the creak of the hinges was sounding more and more like nails on a chalkboard each time it opened. He glanced towards the silhouetted figure standing in the entryway and felt relief for the first time since he regained consciousness.

Tsunade was standing in the doorway like an angel come to save him. Even the light that surrounded her shone like a glowing halo. Kakashi felt his unease begin to melt away, replaced by utter exhaustion.

Tsunade stepped further into the room, and the door shut firmly behind her. He could almost feel Danzo's eyes on him on the other side of the glass.

"I'm taking over your interrogation," she began, sliding into Danzo's chair and pushing the frame to the edge of the table with barely a glance in its direction, "Danzo has an uncharacteristically colorful vocabulary when it comes to you."

Kakashi stayed silent, treading these waters very carefully. When he was a child, he'd been volatile and reactive. It had been easy to rile him up and get him to let information slip in his anger.

It was a pattern of behavior that he had long since grown out of and had no plans of repeating.

"Well, I'm sure you've been given very little information, so I'll make this easier for you," Tsunade began, folding her hands over a stack of papers that Kakashi assumed contained Danzo's case against him. It was thicker than he would've liked, "Danzo received a tip that you were harboring two HYDRA agents and decided to release a toxin in the compound rather than risk a confrontation with potentially hostile targets."

Kakashi blinked. He wondered if Tsunade also saw the absurdity in Danzo's tactics, but her expression told him nothing. She was as stone-faced as ever, and Kakashi began to fear that he'd lost her trust in all of this too.

"The HYDRA agents," he began, "are from the Red Room."

Tsunade froze. The words were as familiar to her as they had become to Kakashi—everyone in SHIELD knew who had taken Sakura. The problem with finding her hadn't been their identity, but their location. Orochimaru's strength was in his ability to hide the Red Room from SHIELD's watchful eye. It's main base changed locations frequently enough that finding Sakura had taken years.

"They're not with HYDRA anymore," he told her carefully, lowering his voice and leaning in close enough that his words wouldn't be overheard by anyone on the other side of the glass, "they both knew Sakura while she was there. They protected her from Orochimaru. I...I don't know if she'd even be alive if it hadn't been for them."

Tsunade considered this, albeit briefly. Kakashi knew how complex the situation was—realistically, Tsunade couldn't let any personal feelings interfere in her decisions. Despite Danzo's less-than-ideal method of bringing you in, he was technically within the bounds of SHIELD's protocol.

Kakashi was the one who had complicated things. He could see that Tsunade was not just angry with him, but hurt by his lack of trust in her.

"I would've told you when I brought her in," Kakashi said lowly, "but she was an important part of making sure Sakura was safe. I couldn't risk her being taken. She was too valuable to let go."

"Sakura has been cleared for nearly a year now," Tsunade snapped, though she kept her voice at his volume. Her eyes were knowing, and he wondered just how desperate he looked to her, "you should've told me."

You would've taken her, Kakashi wanted to say, and I couldn't risk that.

"Have you seen her?" Kakashi asked instead. He knew where his priorities should've been—Tsunade was expecting answers, but he had to know where you were. Once he knew you were safe, he would give her everything she needed to know. Everything that would convince her that you weren't a threat.

Tsunade blinked at him. His stomach knotted.

"She's not here, Kakashi."

Your instincts as were sharp as knives.

They'd had no choice but to become so. Anyone who got too close didn't walk away unnoticed or unscathed. It was one of the fundamental teachings from the Red Room: surveillance of one's surroundings is crucial for survival. If you cannot identify a threat that is out of sight, your skill level will not make a difference.

So, even half-conscious and unable to open your eyes, the first thought that came clearly through your muddy thoughts was that you were not alone.

There were two other people in the room—one to your left, and one in front of you. They were veiled by shadows and obscured from your vision, but you felt their stares like guns pointed at your head. You choked on the breath that you greedily sucked into your lungs, then exhaled with a strangled sound that seemed far louder in the thick silence. Neither of the figures moved as your breathing evened, but each eye that was on you seemed to glow in the suffocating darkness. They were like predators poised to kill, and with the handcuffs keeping your arms behind the back of your chair and the rope holding your ankles still, it wasn't hard to guess who their prey was.

Familiarity was a quiet buzz in your ear, but you ignored it in favor of evaluating your chances of escape. As the fog cleared from your mind, however, you became less hopeful of your odds.

The figure to your right stood and approached you, his face slowly becoming visible as he walked towards the single light illuminating the middle of the room. He moved out of the shadows with careful, calculated steps, and you recoiled as soon as he came into view. While you barely recognized his face, you understood what the clothes he wore meant.

A black robe cloaked him almost as much as the darkness had, but it was the small red insignia on his sleeve that sent a cold chill down your spine. The bright red eyes of the skull seemed to glow in the darkness, almost matching those of the wearer.

"HYDRA," you whispered before you could keep your mouth from moving. You shut it immediately, unsure of where the word had come from, but realizing with uncomfortable clarity why it felt so significant.

HYDRA owned you. The thought was so clear that you wondered how you had ever forgotten. Suddenly, the urge to kneel at this man's feet and beg for any form of mercy made your position in the chair uncomfortable in an entirely new way. You shifted, nearly bowing your head to him when he caught your chin between long, nimble fingers.

His eyes held an intensity that sent a shock of fear through you. His fingers were cold where the met your skin, and you fought not to flinch when his hold tightened. He was looking at you like he could see into your mind and read your every thought.

"For someone under Kakashi Hatake's protection," he finally said, though his words held more curiosity than threat, "you are a laughably easy person to find."

You swallowed, but your throat had dried up the moment he'd stepped into view.

"I suppose I should apologize. Orochimaru was give far too much leeway. He should have been taken care of a long time ago."

Your breath halted at the name. Though it was still mostly a mystery to you, fear was a familiar feeling that wrapped itself around you and squeezed until you couldn't breath. The man watched you carefully, studying your reaction with clear interest.

His eyes drifted to the second figure sitting silently in front of you. His face had become more clear as your eyes adjusted to the darkness; long, dark hair framed his face, and his eyes were venomous, narrowing when they locked with yours. Though his head was downcast—partly, you assumed, because of the blood dripping down multiple cuts on his face—his expression was full of familiar malice.

For the past eight months, you'd felt as if a crushing weight was hovering just above you, held up by one thin thread. You knew what that weight contained—it was everything you'd lost. Even without it bearing down on your shoulders, you were certain that it would crush you, but you wanted to feel its weight all the same. You wanted to feel whole again—not like the ghost of someone you couldn't reach.

You laid eyes on Orochimaru, slumped in his chair and gagged by a white cloth, and the weight fell.

Memories of the experiments you'd undergone suddenly came into sharp focus, and the blurry face that had always resembled Kakashi finally became clear. Instead of grey hair, black locks came into view. They surrounded your vision as Orochimaru leaned over you in half-remembered memories, studying your eyes like they would hold the key to your submission.

His voice rang in your mind clear as day: I gave you everything. It is only right that you return my kindness. You owe me everything. This is your purpose.

It was his voice. His hands holding you down as you thrashed against bolts of lightning in your veins. His control masked as reassurances of an end to the pain. His face behind the mask that he wore to convince you that Kakashi was your enemy.

It was his rage that followed you when you escaped. His ghost that you were so desperate to protect Sakura from.

"Hm," the man hummed after observing you for a moment, "Kabuto was right. It is you that brings her memories back. That must've caused you quite the headache."

He was looking at Orochimaru now, who snarled at the man in front of him. You recognized the look—how had you ever forgotten such a terrifying face?—and the rage it contained did not seem to phase its receiver, but the force of it left you paralyzed.

Or maybe it was the memories that were still flooding your overloaded mind, each begging to be seen even when you had no more room left to look.

You didn't realize that the man had moved towards Orochimaru until you heard his voice. It was that same light, hissing cadence that made you beg for mercy each time you failed his experiments. It was the voice that raised you to submit to his will.

It was still just as terrifying as it had been when he abandoned you.

"I'm impressed," he said with a snarl, looking at you rather than the man now standing at his side. "I thought you were weak enough to be forced into submission. But look at you now: gaining the attention of the Akatsuki."

Your eyes widened, and your gaze snapped to the man who was watching the conversation with interest. He met your eyes, waiting in silence as you processed Orochimaru's words.

The Akatsuki were ghosts. You had never been told their identities, nor had you ever seen a member in the flesh.

All you knew was that they ruled HYDRA from the shadows, pulling the strings of the organization with terrifying ease.

"I've come to understand that the Red Room is in need of new leadership," the man sighed, a disappointed frown falling over his lips, "now I see that the problem is worse than I anticipated."

Orochimaru's rage filled the room like smoke. You felt as if you could choke on it—it filled your chest and left you breathless and gasping for air.

"Would you like to kill him?"

It took you far too long to realize that the question had been directed towards you. The words were as genuine as the man's gaze. He didn't say them like this was a taunt or a test of loyalty. It was an offer.

You swallowed against the panic blocking your throat. You couldn't breath. This man...you could feel his power. It filled the room, thick enough to drown you. You wanted more than anything to refuse—to make him understand that you couldn't kill Orochimaru—but you couldn't force a response from your lips.

"She won't kill me," Orochimaru sneered, saving you from the man's suffocating gaze. His eyes slid from you to Orochimaru, "she can't."

"We'll see," the man responded cooly. "Let's hope that fear was a strong enough tool to save you from your own creation."

The man reached behind you and unlocked the handcuffs around your wrists, then cut the rope from your ankles. Before you could regain feeling in your fingers, the cold, familiar steel of a gun was pressed into your hands. You looked down at it, expecting to see the HDYRA insignia etched into it. Instead, the hourglass-shape that symbolized the Red Room was cut into the grip.

This was Orochimaru's weapon. You'd watched him use it countless times. You had faced its barrel more than once.

Holding it felt wrong. The idea of using it made you nauseous.

"Well?" Orochimaru said, a cold grin on his face. "Prove me wrong, little spider."

You hated him. You hated how useless he rendered you—as if you were nothing more than a machine waiting for commands. You begged your useless limbs to lift the gun in your hands. Killing Orochimaru was something you'd dreamed of for a long time. It was an urge you'd felt more strongly than any other when he'd tried to kill you using Sakura's body.

The Akatsuki approached Orochimaru, producing a knife from within the robes that cloaked his figure. In one swift movement, he cut the ropes from his wrists and tucked the weapon away.

Orochimaru brought his hands in front of him, flexing his stiff fingers with a heavy sigh.

"You gain nothing if you kill me," he said, wasting no time before standing from his chair and pushing it to the side. He seemed utterly unconcerned by the weapon in your hand, "I'm not the one holding you hostage."

His eyes were on the Akatsuki now, as if he had forgotten all about your presence and the gun in your hand.

"You want your freedom so badly? Kill him," Orochimaru said, sliding his gaze towards you once again. He watched you with an intensity that made your stomach drop—his eyes were swimming with an emotion that you couldn't place. You could see that his desperation was turning into something closer to insanity.

"Kill him!"

You flinched against your chair, grip tight on the gun. The Akatsuki watched with thinly veiled interest, unconcerned with Orochimaru's attempts to get him killed.

"You understand, don't you?" Orochimaru said with a laugh, stepping towards you with little hesitation. You stood, pointing the gun towards him. Undeterred, he walked forward until the barrel touched his chest, "if you kill me, you'll never be free. Do you truly think the Akatsuki will let you go after everything you've done?"

You stilled.

Your life was beginning to feel like a cycle. The moment you escaped Orochimaru's suffocating clutches, he sank his fangs into you once again and dragged you back into his web. You had been trapped for a long time.

"Is that what I was with you?" you whispered. "Free?"

Orochimaru tilted his head, lips twitching with a poorly concealed smirk.

"If not for me, you'd have no home. Am I not your family?"

"No," you choked, "that's not what I asked. I asked if you gave me freedom."

Freedom was what you were taught to hate. Freedom went against everything you'd been told since birth. You were raised with a set of shackles and ordered to give the rest of the world the same treatment.

"Freedom is a lie," he hissed, amusement gone from his tone. He leaned over you, forcing you to lift your eyes to see his malicious snarl, "you've been gone for far too long. Freedom is unattainable, and therefore should not be striven for. You've wasted your time trying to escape the allegiance you owe to me."

Before you could respond, Orochimaru was reaching towards you with speed that you hadn't realized he possessed. He gripped your wrist and reached for the gun in your hand with a maddened look in his eyes and a fierce determination to bring you to your knees once again.

But you were faster. You shifted so your back was to him, but his grip on your wrist remained tight. To keep hold of you, he was forced forward, closing the distance between your back and his chest with a frustrated snarl. At the same moment that he tried to trap you with his other arm, caging you against his chest, you threw your head back against his. He released you with a groan, clutching his forehead and stumbling backwards. His eyes were alight with fury. Your hands trembled around the gun, adrenaline and fear mixing together to create a messy, confusing swirl of emotions in your gut.

Part of you wanted to beg for his mercy. Another part wanted to kill him where he stood.

He began approaching you again, seemingly too furious to speak, but you steadied yourself and lifted the gun. He stopped, disbelief making a split-second appearance on his face before it was masked with a smirk.

That twisted, sickening smirk seemed to follow you everywhere. Even now, after he'd tried so hard to erase himself from your memory and replace his cruelty with a false version of Kakashi, seeing that expression on his face felt like welcoming an old friend.

Every Widow was familiar with that smile. For many, it was the last thing they saw.

You were not righteous. You had never felt the desire to seek revenge or justice for the things Orochimaru had done. For most of your life, Orochimaru's word had been law. The Widows were unquestioning against his demands and unflinching in the face of his cruelty. Detached from the reality of your comrades dying, you had never considered their deaths as sacrifices or tragedies. You couldn't. You would've fallen apart the moment you let yourself grieve them.

"There will always be failures among you," he'd said once, "and it is my job to see that the weak are purged. You should all be honored that you are among the strong. I've chosen each of you because you have the potential for greatness. Do not disappoint me."

Perhaps it was the sudden onslaught of memories that made the voices of those he'd killed echo within your tortured thoughts. Perhaps their pleas for mercy were directed at you, transforming into demands for vengeance as each overlapped with the other.

They begged for his death. His suffering would calm them into silence. You were a vessel for their desires, and they wanted him to bleed.

"Beg me for your lives," he would order, watching with that same smirk as they got on their knees and asked for his mercy.

He never gave it to them.

"Believing that you are special," Orochimaru said lowly, "will only bring you misery. You're still the same, scared little girl that you've always been. You're barely keeping yourself upright."

He wasn't wrong. You could feel the tremors wracking your body, and you knew they were clearly visible to both him and the silent Akatsuki watching from the corner.

"Do you remember them?" you finally asked, voice hoarse and trembling, though you were beginning to have trouble distinguishing your fear from your fury. "The girls you've killed?"

He let out a sharp, cruel laugh.

"Do you?" he asked, eyes narrowed. "You're no more innocent than I am. That's why I chose you. And what do you do with my favor? You throw it away like some petulant, ungrateful child!"

"I never wanted to kill anyone."

"A sorry excuse," he spit, "that does not mean anything. I didn't give you a place as a Widow because you were skilled. Every girl I trained, alive or not, was a skilled spy and assassin. You were chosen because you were obedient. I told you to kill, and you did so without hesitation or mercy."

Hinata's face flashed in your mind, eyes wide and desperate as you sank a knife into her chest.

"Yet you still chose to follow my orders," he continued, "I was not controlling you. It was your hands that ended their lives. You may believe you're being righteous, but if your intentions were as pure as you seem to think them, you would end us both. Your hypocrisy disgusts me."

"You forced us to kill one another," you shook your head, fighting against the voice in your head insisting that he was right. "That wasn't a test of strength?"

"Strength of will," he grinned, teeth bared and shining in the dim light. "You proved your loyalty was to me rather than any so-called bonds you may have formed with the others. It's a pity I didn't see your uselessness sooner. Your work for me was certainly not worth the headache you've become."

His bravery was commendable. Or perhaps it was confidence in your inability to pull the trigger.

"Haruno was a step towards a better future," he told you, smile falling from his face, "I was close to perfecting her, and after that, I would've been able to implement the same technology for all of you. The Black Widow Program would have seen a new era of growth."

You bit your tongue, trying to contain your anger at such a casual mention of Sakura and her suffering. You felt the iron bite of blood stain your teeth and tongue and let it ground you.

A long time ago, you would've allowed yourself to become what he wanted. You would've tied yourself down at a single command from him and allowed him to control your each and every thought. All he had to do was say the word.

But you had never cared for him. Never loved him in the way that he imagined his Widows should. Even in your desperation to go back to him in those first months with Kakashi and Sakura, you hated yourself for your dependence on him. You hated him for turning you into an extension of his own will, leaving you with no room for your own thoughts or desires. You had always been angry. You had always hated him.

But your anger was a quiet thing.

It festered beneath layers of fear and unquestioning obedience. Orochimaru beat his girls down until devotion to him became second nature.

And although fear remained, your devotion had cracked beneath the weight of his cruelty a long time ago. And now you knew what kindness was. What it looked and felt like. Affirming words and gentle touches that had once been foreign broke through the haze created by Orochimaru's control. Each layer that he had built so meticulously had seemed to shatter with a single touch.

It had all broken down so easily. His fragility had never been more clear than in this moment.

"Beg."

Stillness followed the word. As the sound faded, it felt as if it took all of the air around you with it. You thought the room itself had gone still, paralyzed by the force of your command.

An invisible, suffocating weight fell onto your neck like hands, as if attempting to force the word back down your throat.

Orochimaru was silent. His face was a tempest of disbelief and rage, and his hands itched at his sides as if it was painful for him to keep them still.

"You think I won't kill you for what you've done to Sakura? To the other girls?"

You took a step towards him, gun now steady in your hand despite the slight tremble in your voice.

"To me?"

You might have lost your mind. He was certainly looking at you as if you had.

"Beg me for your life."

On your knees, he'd always ordered.

He needed to feel as powerless as the girls he'd killed.

Why does your life have value to me? he'd ask, not caring to hear the answer.

He needed to hurt like they did. Like Sakura did.

Beg me for your life, he'd said each and every time he held a Widow at his fingertips and made her grovel, and I'll consider letting you live.

"You're a fool," Orochimaru chuckled, voice low and quiet despite the fury behind his words. He looked like he'd gone mad with rage, just barely holding himself back from violence. "just like all the others."

He took another, careless step forward. Before he could take a second, you lowered the gun and fired off a single shot. It hit his leg with a muted crack, then he was on the floor, breathing through grit teeth. He fell to the opposite knee and let out a frustrated shout.

It felt like something had taken over your body. Like it wasn't your words, but the words of those who deserved justice slipping from your lips. Pure, unhindered anger surged through you like a sudden, destructive wave. You'd never felt anything like it before.

Perhaps it was Orochimaru's conviction that you were too weak to kill him that triggered it. Perhaps it was the sight of him on his knees in front of you and the sick satisfaction you felt at the sight.

Before he had a chance to react, you shoved him back with your heel. He landed on his back with another groan, and you pressed the toe of your shoe into his neck.

"Well?" you asked quietly. "Why do you think you deserve to live?"

"They're just going to kill you," he hissed lieu of an answer, meeting your eyes and choking on the final words when you pressed harder against his throat, "you...you think Hatake will be able to protect you and Haruno from them?"

The laugh he let out as he motioned vaguely in the Akatsuki's direction was nothing more than a wheeze, but it still sounded gleefully arrogant.

"I don't care anymore," you said, closing your eyes and raising your head to the ceiling, "he'll protect Sakura, and they can do whatever they want to me. It doesn't matter."

You lifted your foot from his throat and he gasped, laboriously pushing himself off of his back.

"As long as you're gone," you said, lifting the gun once again, "I can die in peace."

"Wait," he wheezed, holding up a hand as if it would do anything to block a bullet, "I can help you. I can help you gain your freedom from HYDRA."

He's getting desperate.

A smile slowly spread across your lips.

"I told you," you knelt down, pressing a thumb into the wound on his leg. He groaned, too weak from pain to move out of your reach, "to beg."

He was panting now, chasing after desperate gasps for air. Pathetic, the Widow whispered in your ear. You smiled again, lips splitting from ear to ear.

Hello, old friend.

"Please," he finally snarled, his glare deadly as he wrapped his fingers weakly around your wrist, attempting to pull your hand from his wound.

Ah, you thought, eyes lighting up as the word tumbled from his lips, so this is what power feels like?

"Again."

No longer was the room engulfed in silence. Filling it now were Orochimaru wheezing breaths, each one more labored than the last.

Then, he began to laugh.

"You..." he muttered as he pushed himself forward, settling into a crouch before meeting your eyes, "you really are a hypocrite."

Then, in a burst of strength, he leapt forward, hands grasping at your shirt and lips pulled back in a wild, furious snarl.

You fired a second time.

Finally, everything went still.

He stumbled, eyes locked onto yours and a foreign expression on his face: pure, unconcealed shock. Then he fell forward, hands still gripping your shirt. Even in death, he managed to pull you to your knees, though it didn't take much effort. The strings of ghosts holding you up and guiding you until this point were suddenly cut, and you collapsed in a heap of dread and debilitating relief.

Orochimaru landed unceremoniously next to you, arm hanging limply over your lap and his fingers loosened on shirt.

He had stopped breathing before he hit the ground.

Disgust suddenly sent a wave of nausea through you, and you shoved his arm off of your legs. He rolled onto his back, empty eyes staring at the ceiling and arm landing on the floor with a smack.

The sound sent a shudder through you. Any rational thought had left you in the wake of the chaos—you just felt empty.

You took a deep breath, choking on the inhale and sinking onto your back as you pushed it from your lungs.

"That was quite the performance."

You didn't have the energy to be startled. Your head rolled on the floor until you were looking into the Akatsuki's eyes. He had the audacity to look pleased.

"To think that one pesky little spy was enough to bring Orochimaru to his knees," he let out something akin to a chuckle, "The Red Room must've been more fragile than he was letting on. Though it's rather poetic, no?"

He knelt down next to Orochimaru's body and gingerly pulled his eyelids over his open, shocked eyes.

"Well, I suppose we can discuss it some other time," he said finally, standing and taking a step closer to you. You turned your head, forced to look straight up to keep your eyes on him, "under different circumstances."

"Where are the others?" you choked.

"They're safe," he responded cooly, "they're at SHIELD's headquarters. Well, almost all of them."

You narrowed your eyes at him, thinking back to the haze that the night before had become.

"Ino," you whispered, breath catching in your throat.

The man looked amused by your concern

"There's no need to worry about her," he shook his head, waving a hand as if waving the mere idea of her away.

"Where is she?" you asked weakly—a far cry from the demand that you meant it to be.

"As I said, she is no longer your concern, nor are you hers."

His voice had become firmer, and you were reminded who it was standing above you.

You closed your mouth.

Seemingly satisfied with the way things had gone, the Akatsuki gave one final glance at Orochimaru's body before turning in the direction of the door.

"Wait."

The man paused and glanced back at you, emotions wiped from his face. You looked at him again—studied his face and his black hair and the ring of red around his pupils.

"Sasuke..." you choked, "he has a brother."

He stared at you, expression the picture of composure, then slipped through the door.

You remained motionless on the floor for a long time, splayed out next to Orochimaru's motionless body. His blood stained the ceiling, and you flinched when a drop of it fell onto your face.

You couldn't—wouldn't—think about what you had done. If you acknowledged the blood splatter above you or the body next to you, you'd have to admit that...

That Orochimaru was dead.

What am I supposed to do now?

The thought was passing, but you felt wholly unequipped to try and answer it. You felt far away from the person who laid motionless on the ground next to the lifeless body of her creator.

And even though Orochimaru was gone, this was still a cage. HYDRA had still found you, and you were insignificant compared to the larger powers at play around you.

The Akatsuki had said it himself. You weren't important to HYDRA.

So why had you been given the power to kill Orochimaru?

Through a haze of muddled emotions, you heard boots pounding against the concrete floor outside. You tried to give your body the appropriate commands to prepare for an unexpected entry—get up, move behind the door, keep quiet and catch any intruders off guard.

But you remained motionless, completely drained of any fight you had left.

If you were going to be trapped by HYDRA again, then maybe letting them find you was the best option.

You could hear doors being opened from the end of the hall. It wouldn't take long for them to reach you, and it was clear from the gun in your hand and the body next to you what had taken place. They'd see what you had done, and they would finish the job that the Akatsuki had left incomplete.

You pushed yourself against the wall on the opposite side of the door, cloaking yourself in shadows. Orochimaru's body was illuminated by the single bulb hanging from the ceiling, and blood was pooling on the floor around his head, reflecting the light and looking impossibly bright against the concrete beneath him.

You closed your eyes, but his face remained burned into your memory like a brand of guilt.

It only took a few moments for the pounding feet to reach the door of the room you occupied. It was shoved open and hit the wall behind it with a crack. You swallowed against rising bile.

"Y/N."

Your eyes slipped open automatically at the sound of his voice.

He couldn't be real. The Akatsuki would be back for you. Catching the attention of such powerful members of HYDRA couldn't be anything less than a life-sentence spent serving them.

But...

"Kakashi?"

He was here. This wasn't some trick or a poor imitation—he was here and he was real.

You were reaching towards him before you could stop yourself, risking falling forward in your haste to feel something solid and real and alive beneath your palms. He rushed forward, kneeling in front of you and taking your face between unsteady hands. He studied you for a moment, searching your expression. His touch was warm, masking the lingering chill of the Akatsuki's fingers gripping your chin. You felt yourself relaxing, head sinking into his hold.

"You remember."

It wasn't a question, but you nodded anyways. You were still piecing together your memories, trying to sort out what was real and what had been a mere fabrication under the threat of torture, but your feelings—your real feelings—they were all there. They'd been dug up from the trenches of your mind and demanded recognition.

You felt the weight of Orochimaru's death and your tempestuous memories lift when Kakashi pulled you against his chest.

His arms were anchors. They kept you from slipping away or looking just past his shoulder at Orochimaru's body. You buried your face in his shirt, closing your eyes and breathing in the smell of the forest that lingered in the fabric.

"I found you," he whispered. You nodded, too drained to speak. He held you like you would slip through his fingers if he loosened his grip. Still, you wanted to be closer—to make sure you wouldn't fall away from him again.

"He's dead," you whispered. You looked up and watched the door with wide, burning eyes, terrified that the Akatsuki would come back through the door at any moment. You could still see the blood surrounding Orochimaru in your periphery. "I killed him."

You choked on the words, denial flooding you before you could stop it. You couldn't have...you wouldn't have killed Orochimaru. He was everything. Your master. Your father. The reason you were still alive. Without him, you–

"Stop," Kakashi whispered.

The river of doubt came to a halt, and all you saw in the clear blue was a reflection of you in Kakashi's arms.

"He's gone," Kakashi whispered. At the same moment he spoke the words into existence, he brought a hand up and cupped the side of your face, blocking his body from your line of sight. "He can't hurt anyone anymore."

The other girls. He can't hurt the other girls anymore.

He can't hurt Sakura anymore.

Your eyes drifted to Kakashi's wrist. Though it had been weeks since you'd attacked him, the ringed bruises where your hands had been hadn't fully faded yet.

You touched the marked skin as gently as possible, running the tips of your fingers over yellow and purple skin, then dipped a hand under his shirt and pressed it against his stomach. You remembered, albeit vaguely, the way you'd kicked him to the ground, heel mercilessly sinking into his stomach in your blind panic and rage. He hissed at your touch, barely loud enough for you to hear, but you froze at the sound, retracting your hand as if it had been burned.

"I'm so sorry," you croaked. You had done this to him. No explanation of brainwashing or torture could excuse that, "I hurt you-"

"Stop," he said firmly, "you thought I was going to hurt you, and you were defending yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault."

"I could've fought harder."

You'd known, even while in the deepest recesses of Orochimaru's tricks, that what you were being told wasn't true. You knew that some part of you had always been skeptical, even if it had been buried somewhere you couldn't see.

"You did what you did to save Sakura. If anyone should've fought harder, it's me. I was the one who thought she was safe, and I was wrong. I should've fought harder for you."

You shook your head, but stilled when Kakashi's head fell against your shoulder. He deflated, sinking into your arms as if all of the energy had drained from him in a single moment. His hands fell from your face and wrapped around your waist, pulling you in so close that your legs had no where to go but on either side of him. You blinked, one hand lifting to tangle in his hair and the other falling to his waist like it was the most natural thing in the world.

The hands around your waist were trembling just slightly. Kakashi's head was pressed against your neck, and you could feel his eyelashes brushing again your skin.

"Kakashi..."

"Don't leave again," he whispered, breath heating your skin. You felt his lips brush against your neck as he spoke, and your grip tightened on his waist, "please."

Your breath halted at the word, and you could feel your heart racing as you thought back to what you'd done just moments before.

Beg, you'd said. You hadn't even hesitated.

You were just like Orochimaru. Kakashi hadn't seen your cruelty towards him. Hadn't seen how bloodthirsty you were in his final moments. Would he still be saying this if he knew what you'd done?

"Breath."

Kakashi was running a hand up and down your spine, as if coaxing the air from your lungs. You did your best to do as he asked, taking in a trembling breath and closing your eyes so that you couldn't see the gruesome scene surrounding you.

"They're going to kill me, Kakashi," you whispered, panic finally finding its home back in your chest. There was no world in which the Akatsuki let you live after everything that had happened.

Kakashi sat up at your words, his hands leaving behind a captivating warmth on your back.

"Who–"

The creaking of the door cut him off, and you looked over Kakashi's shoulder and met the eyes of a woman standing in the entrance. Kakashi lifted his head at the noise, tense and preparing to jump from where he sat to confront the intruder, but to your surprise, he relaxed at the sight her. Her eyes shifted from you and Kakashi to the body on the ground, then back again.

"Tsunade," Kakashi said, voice hoarse. "Buy us a few minutes. Please."

You watched, wide eyed, as Kakashi addressed the director of SHIELD like they were old friends. The woman standing in front of you was someone you'd been taught to despise your whole life, and Kakashi was still holding onto you like she was simply a passing stranger whose opinion held no weight.

Tsunade was silent. She watched you with a calculation that almost reminded you of Orochimaru. You shivered, still doing everything in your power to block his body from your view. Finally, Tsunade sighed and stepped out of the room.

"Ten minutes," she instructed coolly. "All clear! Start searching the next corridor!"

When the door slammed shut behind her, you looked back at Kakashi with wide, panicked eyes.

"Why is SHIELD here?"

The better question was: why isn't HYDRA?

"I'll explain everything," he swallowed, "I promise. I just...I need to hear you say that you'll stay."

That was not a simple request for him to make.

"Kakashi...it's not that easy. HYDRA will still–"

"I don't care."

You looked up, shocked by the intensity of his gaze. He looked angry and determined and desperate. He looked so, so sad.

"I'll fight for you," he said lowly, framing your face between his palms once again, "you've done nothing but think of others since the moment we met. Let me return the favor."

You felt warm. Warmer than you had in so long. Like the chill in the air left by the Akatsuki had been washed away by Kakashi's presence. You wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible.

Could you really go back after everything you'd done?

"I..."

You wanted too much. It felt selfish, but you were suddenly filled with desires that you hadn't dared to fully consider with Orochimaru's threats looming over you. With his mere existence making you fear any form of attachment.

You wanted to be with Sakura. You wanted to help Kakashi train and protect his students. You wanted to be able to feel this intoxicating warmth everyday.

"Please," he said again, and this time is felt less like a curse and more like a promise, "I need you to stay."

What about SHIELD? you wanted to ask, What about HYDRA? The Akatsuki? The kids?

But instead:

"Ok."

Just this once, in this moment, you would be selfish.

But as Kakashi deflated, sinking back into your arms and letting out a shaking breath, it didn't feel like selfishness at all.

It felt like freedom.

MEMORANDUM FOR

FROM: Agent Danzo Shimura

TO: Director Tsunade Senju

SUBJECT: Operation MASQUE

MISSION REPORT

On September 22, Agent DANZO SHIMURA received a tip from [REDACTED] regarding Agent KAKASHI HATAKE's contact with active HYDRA personnel. On September 23, Agent Shimura deployed a reconnaissance team to SHIELD COMPOUND 18 for confirmation. The reconnaissance team consisted of Agent GENMA SHIRANUI, Agent ASUMA SARUTOBI, and Agent KURENAI YŪHI. Agent Shiranui reports TARGET A (Y/N Y/L/N, Alias: BLACK WIDOW) being restrained in the medical wing, likely due to hostile behavior.

On September 27, Agent Shimura organization OPERATION MASQUE to infiltrate and detain the targets and escort Agent Hatake as well as trainees SAKURA HARUNO, NATURO UZUMAKI, and SASUKE UCHIHA for questioning. At 18:00, the Recon Team began the operation. Anticipating hostile behavior, Agent Sarutobi released an incapacitating toxin into the outpost's ventilation system and waited until all suspects had been effected. Agent Sarutobi entered the building at 18:15 and observed TARGET A and TARGET B (INO YAMANAKA, Alias: BLACK WIDOW) speaking in the left wing of the compound. Both targets then began carrying all of the buildings occupants (including trainee SHIKAMARU NARA, who has been cleared of suspicion) into Agent Hatake's bedroom. Agents Sarutobi, Shiranui, and Yūhi converged on the targets' location and forced entry into the room. All occupants had been incapacitated and were prepared for transport back to SHIELD Headquarters.

At 20:00, SHIELD's transport vehicle was forcefully stopped and raided by Red Room operatives. The unidentified individuals removed Targets A and B from SHIELD's vehicle and transferred them into an unregistered black van. Agents Yūhi and Shiranui continued to SHIELD headquarters to bring Agent Hatake and his trainees to safety, while Agent Sarutobi pursued the suspects to an inactive HYDRA base.

Following Agent Sarutobi's report on the targets' location, Director TSUNADE SENJU took over the operation and successfully detained Target A in the HYDRA base (see separate report for details). No suspicious HYDRA affiliates were found within the base. As of September 28, Target B is missing.

CONCLUSION

I, Agent Danzo Shimura, recommend an indefinite suspension of Agent Kakashi Hatake from duty and the immediate detention of Y/N Y/L/N, as well as the reassignment of Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and Sasuke Uchiha.

END MEMORANDUM

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Author's note | thank you for reading! i promise y'all when i started this series i did not intend for the burn to be this slow. i PROMISE we're getting somewhere in that regard, and even though we're nearing the end of this series, i have so many ideas that i'm so excited about for more fics involving these characters so it will continue to burn (or just like,,,be on fire ig). i'll be taking a short break before i start writing again, but the sequel series will not take long to get going after i finish this one, so stay tuned!

i hope the amount of unanswered questions left from this part is exciting and makes you want to read more to see what's going on. if you find it takes away from the reading experience (or makes it better), please leave some thoughts! also, as always, any thoughts and feedback are more than welcome

i'd once again like to say thank you to everyone who has left me such wonderful comments and feedback. you guys are truly the reason i have continued writing this series (fun fact about me: this is the first series i've ever actually finished and have been excited about for this long). alongside the sequel series i have planned, i'd also like the write some one-shots that are more fluffy and light-hearted, so please send any requests for scenarios you want to see these characters in to my tumblr (linked below).

thank you to everyone who is still following this series. your patience astounds me. i feel like the time between each chapter has been getting longer, but i really want to be putting out quality storytelling and writing for you, and i don't have a beta so i get a bit perfectionistic about editing and stuff (even though i know it's not perfect).

anyways, that's all from me! i'll see you guys in the final chapter (although i know myself and the next chap might end up being so long-winded that i just split it into two, so we'll see). if you've read this far into the a/n you are my hero and i love you. please leave me some love if you enjoyed!

title is from "Bite the Hand" from boygenius

#kakashi #kakashi x reader #kakashi x you #kakashi imagine #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi hatake x you #kakashi hatake x y/n #kakashi hatake imagine #naruto #trr #emwrites

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