#a lot of this stuff isn’t my parents fault but I’m a petty bitch and I’m very tired

[elprupneerg]

I am never sleeping over at my parents house ever again goddammit

[itgirlification]

supermodel (2) | jjk

your story with jungkook never seems to end, yet you’re still worried about how it’s gonna end.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: TOXIC (i cannot stress this enough shit is hella toxic), yn is kinda (very) dumb, jungkook is an actual asshole, borderline mental abuse, infidelity, more insecuritiiiies, mentions/hints of sex, etc.

part one part three

There you were in his arms again, with only your panties and his shirt on.

At this point, you couldn’t even explain yourself. You were guilty, but you know what they say; love hurts.

With his arms wrapped around you and you clinging to him like that, you couldn’t care less about what was gonna happen next. You knew you were probably gonna have a mental breakdown when you go back to the dorms but for now, you were okay.

After he came over that night, he contacted you again. He said he didn’t want this to be serious, he wanted it to be a solely sexual relationship.

“You know, you’re the first girl I’ve been with, who seems to like getting hurt and degraded”, he sighs against your hair. “Sometimes I feel like you can’t get enough of it.”

You stayed silent. What were you supposed to do anyway? Tell him he’s right and stay like this for a while or react defensively and start an endless argument? You chose the first one.

“You’re the only woman that’d let me do all this stuff and still love me. Maybe that’s why I came back to you.”

Holding back the tears, you cling closer to his larger body, as if you were using him as some kind of shield. He thought you were an easy target and forgiving. What else would a man want from a woman he was only interested in fucking, a side piece? Even if she’s in love with him, she was gonna ignore that just to spend as much time with him as possible.

“It’s not like you actually came back.”, you responded, keeping your voice as stable as you could. “We’re just fucking.”

Jungkook sighed deeply, most likely noticing your petty undertone. “Don’t be like that. We aren’t fucking right now.”

You weren’t sure what point exactly he was trying to prove, you agreed to be his side chick. Did he think you didn’t know what a side chick was supposed to do? Because you did know, you just secretly thought you guys were meant to be, you weren’t just some side piece.

Looking around the motel room, your stomach began feeling weird. He wasn’t usually cheap, but you guessed he thought a side chick didn’t deserve a better environment than a cheap motel room rent for a night.

“Because we literally just did.”, you calmly said. You weren’t trying to piss him off.

But Jungkook wasn’t having it. Out of nowhere, he shoved you aside and put his hands over his face, noticeably frustrated.

“What happened?”, you weren't sure if asking that was the best option.

Jungkook turns his body to you. “What happened?? You keep on fucking me up and being a bitch about all this and you ask me what happened?”

He was so furious, his eyes were dark and his face was screwed up. You were now both standing, his tall figure towering over yours.

You saw his hand forming a fist and it would’ve been a lie if you said you weren’t terrified. He hasn’t touched you once throughout your relationship, but you never know.

“I didn’t even say anything. Maybe you’re just a little too sensitive.”, you were pouring salt on a wound at this point, but you didn’t want to be weak and let him talk to you like that.

“Me, sensitive?”, his tone was dangerously serene, as he leaned closer to your face. “If I wasn’t here with you, you'd probably still be crying over me. And you know where I’d be? Laying in bed with the beautiful model I have the privilege to call my girlfriend. Yn, I don’t need you. Don’t get bold with me, ‘cause we both know who’s gonna be heartbroken in the end.”

You couldn’t look him in the eyes, what did you get yourself into again? This wasn’t Jungkook’s fault, this wasn’t anybody’s fault but yours. You should’ve never opened up, you should’ve never said yes to being his side piece, you should’ve never been his girlfriend, to begin with. You stayed silent, but your loud sniffs and your uneven breathing said more than you could at the moment.

“I’m leaving.”, he announced coldly before throwing his black leather jacket over his broad shoulders, leaving you half-naked, crying on the poor-quality motel bed you just had sex on. When he got out of the motel room, you looked outside of the small window, watching him leave in the car he drove you here with.

Now, you had no other option than to call Jane to pick you up since your dorm was a half an hour walk away from the motel and you didn’t have the energy to walk for even a minute.

You weren’t sure if you had the energy for all the questions Jane was gonna ask you when she sees your mascara smeared face and your messy hair. Not to mention the motel. You weren’t a motel type of girl and she knew that.

Still, you called her and she answered almost immediately. “Yn? What happened? I thought you were gonna sleepover at your parents’?”

Sleepover at your parents’ house? You had almost forgotten the bad lie you told Jane just to have sex with Jungkook in this cheap-ass motel. And to think you were convinced you two were gonna stay the whole night.

“Uh”, you quickly coughed to cover up the voice cracks you got from crying. “Yeah, it’s a long story, please pick me up. I’ll text you the address.”

About 10 minutes later, Jane arrived and looked at you like you were out of your mind when you got into the car. “Yn, what the fuck? I was so worried about you. And this isn’t your parents’ house, this is a fucking motel. Did you meet a guy? Did he do something to you? Should I call the cops?”

“No, no, no, oh my god, please don’t”, you knew she was gonna ask a lot of questions. “I lied to you. So what actually happened was me and Jungkook reconnected an-“

She rolled her eyes. “Of course it was Jungkook. So I’m guessing he left you here?”

You hesitantly nodded.

“So when were you gonna tell me you ‘reconnected’ with him? When did you even ‘reconnect’ with him?”, she mockingly asked you. You weren’t blaming her for being pissed off, you’d have been too in this situation.

“A month ago? I think..”, you muttered.

“Hm”, Jane nodded, sighing at your naivety. “And when did he even break up with his model chick?”

You awkwardly looked away and Jane was hoping it wasn’t because of what she thought.

“He didn’t break up with her??”, Jane was beyond frustrated. “So.. you’re like his side chick now? Are we gonna stoop that low for men, yn?”

Jane always wanted the best for you and you knew she knew what was the best for you too, you were just too foolish. And too in love with a man you can’t force into loving you again.

“I know but please can we not talk about this right now? I just don’t feel like it.”, you asked, looking down on your fingers, ashamed of yourself.

“Alright, I’m sorry, babe.”, Jane hugged your side quickly, before starting the engine and heading back to the dorm. “You know I just want what’s best for you.”

You nodded, looking out of the window with your head full.

_

“Bella just texted me and said her birthday party will be 90s themed? Can’t she be a little more specific?”, Jane barged into the room, looking down on her phone in disbelief.

Bella was a person you two met at college in one of your shared classes. She was a sweetheart, but she was a little spoiled too. The only reason why she got into the college was that her rich daddy bribed them, but you couldn’t be mad, your parents would’ve done the same if they had the money.

She was extremely extroverted, a people person. She probably never had a boring day in her life with all the parties she threw whenever her dad and his 20 something-year-old girlfriend were on vacation or business trips. She even had some celebrity friends and would just casually post selfies with them on her Instagram story like it was a normal thing to do. She was basically living the dream, clueless about what real life for others really was about.

Jane had a love-hate relationship with Bella ever since they met. She thought Bella was a nice girl, but it was ‘unbearable’ to have a conversation with her because she was too self-centered to talk about anything else than herself.

You shrugged. “Just wear something Aaliyah would’ve worn.”

“Hm. Fair enough. It’s really not all that deep, actually.”, She said. “So what are you gonna wear?”

“I don’t even know if I’m going, Bella’s parties are boring.”, you answered honestly.

You really weren’t sure if you’d go. You did feel like seeing people and having a little fun but it wasn’t like you ever had fun at any of Bella’s parties. One time, a guy puked all over a new dress you bought just for the party, and another time, you were forced to drink 4 beer bottles. You hated beer.

“Why not? It’s gonna be fun and you’re coming.”, she decided for you, making you playfully roll your eyes. “And wear that black latex dress, I haven’t seen it on you in forever.”

To say that Jane was a fashionista would be an understatement. She was too invested in fashion to be bothered with anything else.

“Alright, but only if we don’t stay for long.”, you tried to compromise with her.

She nodded. “We gotta buy her presents though. Is there even anything she doesn’t have?”

You sighed, annoyed. “C’mon, there’s gonna be at least 200 people at that party, it’s not like she’ll notice if we just don’t get her anything. Besides, she’s rich as fuck.”

Jane snickered at your comment. “Girl, you must not know her, she checks every damn person and probably throws them out if they don’t buy her a Chanel bag or something. Bitch is a little crazy.”

It was amusing because you both knew that was exaggerated. Bella wasn't that serious about gifts. But let’s just say, for the money that her dad had, she was a little too greedy.

But you were too bothered with your own life than to worry about other's.

_

As soon as you arrived at Bella’s mansion, two security guards were standing in front of the door. They let you in as you showed them your invitations. It was a little bit extra, but that’s just how Bella was.

The first thing you noticed when you entered the house was the smell of sweat and weed. Already? You weren’t really surprised though.

Bella was standing there, wearing a skintight red dress that, ironically, didn’t really fit her own party’s theme. But she did look absolutely beautiful greeting her guests with the biggest smile on her glowing face. She had her strawberry blonde hair down in elegant beach curls and there were some cute butterfly clips placed in them.

You could recognize that it was her birthday from miles away. She was basically shining.

“Oh my god, Jane, Yn!! I’m so happy to see you guys!”, an overly keen Bella came, hugging you both with strength. “Oh, I see you got me something, girls you know you shouldn’t have!”

She tried hiding her smile at the bags in your hands, freeing the two of you from them immediately.

“It’s your birthday, Bella. We can’t just come here without any gifts, girl.”, Jane smiled. “Happy birthday.”

You looked to your side, admiring Jane’s acting skills. “Happy birthday, Bella! I can’t believe you’re 23 now.”

“I know right, if you were a year younger, you’d be as old as your dad’s girlfriend.”, Jane joked around, making Bella hysterically laugh.

“C’mon, almost everybody’s here already”, Bella excitedly pushed you towards the living room.

The room’s stench was even more unbearable than the one at the entrance, leaving you covering your nose for a second leaving out an ‘oof’.

The 90s trap music was heard extremely loudly through the whole house and there were people dancing and grinding. There were some couples that sat on one of the many couches, acting like they were in their own little world. It wasn’t very pleasant to watch, but you just chose to ignore it. The stench was something you couldn’t ignore though.

You were already bored out of your mind.

A few minutes of pure boredom and dry conversations passed then the music stopped playing and you could hear Bella’s voice calling for everybody’s attention. “I’m gonna open the presents now, so everybody come here and Daphne, please bring the gifts here so I can open them.”

Daphne was Bella’s personal maid. She never really talked, but she did everything she needed to. She brought all the bags to Bella one by one and you could’ve sworn she was trying not to cry out of happiness.

“Oh my god, Jackson”, She cried out as she pulled a pair of Saint Laurent shoes out of a box. “These are so beautiful. You even got the right size. Thank you so mu-“

“Bella, I’m so sorry we’re late, we had to run some errands”, a soft-spoken voice interrupted, making everybody in the room turn her way, just to see the charming model with none other than Jeon Jungkook by her side. Wow.

As soon as you turned your head to see who it was, you turned back around, looking at Jane to make sure she saw what you saw. You sent her a questioning, almost panicking look just for her to shrug.

“Yuki! It’s fine, girl. Come here, I’m opening my presents right now.”, The birthday girl exclaimed, making Yuki immediately hand her her gift.

Jungkook was just walking behind his girlfriend, making no type of noise whatsoever and you prayed he wouldn’t see you.

They sat down at an angle where you couldn’t help but look at them though and you were sure he looked at you for a split second as well. They looked beautiful together.

Bella just continued opening gifts and thanking everybody dearly, but you weren’t paying attention to that. You just zoned out for most of it. Those were a lot of gifts she got.

You couldn’t help but steal another glance at your ex-boyfriend and the girl besides him.

She looked even cuter in real life. Her cheeks had a natural blush to them and her hair was long and healthy. She was thin and her skin tone was warm and even.

You’ve always been insecure about your hyperpigmentation, but she didn’t seem to have any problems with how she looked. She was near damn perfect. Perfect wasn’t real, but if it was, it’d be her.

Jungkook probably never had a problem introducing her to his parents or his friends. You always felt like he had difficulties with that while he was dating you. He just wasn’t confrontational enough to tell you he was ashamed to have you as his girlfriend.

You seemed to be stuck in your place while everybody else was either dancing or making conversation.

Jane was sitting next to you, talking to a girl with blond box braids about a new movie that recently came out. You heard what they were saying, but it sounded like a foreign language to you since you weren’t focused.

“Yn? Are you okay?”, Jane whispered in your ear, hugging your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know they were invited.”

You shook your head. “It’s fine, Jane. It’s not your fault, I just kind of wanna go home.”

She looked at you apologetically. “Can’t we stay for a little while? I promise it won’t take long, I’m just actually having fun here.”

You had to admit you were being selfish, not just in that moment, but whenever it came to Jungkook. You’ve dragged Jane through all of your shit and never really thought about how she must feel like.

Nodding in response to her. “I’m gonna get myself something to drink.”

You finally stood up from your place, looking around unsure, feeling like you’re taking up so much space wherever you go, even when you were doing absolutely nothing.

You wore the latex dress, but only because Jane insisted and made sure you knew you looked good. She convinced you for maybe a second, but all those insecurities were coming back. You tried sucking in your stomach the whole night, but it just wasn’t enough.

You were asking yourself all kinds of questions. If your arms looked too fat and if your cellulite was visible, if your hip-dips were as noticeable to others as they were to you. You felt like everybody was looking and they were judging really hard.

All you wanted was to fade into oblivion.

You were feeling his eyes on your back and god, you wanted to look too but you fought the urge, just continued walking to the bathroom. You weren’t in the mood to drink after all.

Your gut feeling was telling you he was following, but you ignored it.

Until you were about to close the bathroom door and you saw black timberlands stepping between the door and the doorframe to stop you from closing it.

You sighed, opening the door, resulting in him getting in the bathroom with you.

“Why are you avoiding me?”, the handsome man facing you asked, brown eyes looking deep inside of yours.

“How can I avoid you when you didn’t even try talking to me?”, you asked back, looking away immediately.

You hated how your relationship was just a cycle of him hurting you and coming back, acting like he hadn’t done anything wrong. And he was so good at it too.

He chuckled darkly, letting his eyes glide down your body for a second just to look back into your eyes. “You know exactly what I mean, yn. Don’t play dumb.”

You did know what he meant.

“And? It’s not like I have anything to say to you.”

Jungkook came closer to you, softly wrapping one arm around your waist, whispering in your ear. “You don’t?”

You couldn’t believe how shameless he was, being so close to you while his girlfriend was a few meters away, outside of this door, probably thinking he’s getting her a drink or something. You wondered if he did the same thing to you when you were dating.

“Jungkook, stop. Your girlfriend is here.”, you tried to convince yourself you didn’t want it. “How can you even do this?”

“It’s nothing we haven’t done before, princess.”, He kissed your earlobe. “You can’t possibly think it’s okay when she’s not around, but not okay when she is. It’s the same thing.”

You knew he was right, besides, you were just as guilty as he was. You were messing around with a taken guy and the worst part was, you knew he was taken and you still did it.

“I know, but I wanna end whatever this is”, you hesitated to say. “It’s unhealthy and you already have a girlfriend, why don’t you go and kiss her, why me?”

You were avoiding this conversation ever since this started. Sometimes it’s hard talking about things you don’t actually want to hear about.

“What do you mean?”, Jungkook feigned confusion, but you knew better than to believe him. “It’s easier said than done, yn. We have a history together, you know that.”

“I do, but that’s all we are. History. And we should both get over it.”, you responded.

“But what if I don’t want to?”, it was more of a statement than a question, really. “What if I told you, you’re special to me?”

You were gonna have a meltdown if he continued with this. Why was he so fucking complicated? You knew he didn’t love you so what was it?

“But I’m not. The only reason why you come back is because you think I’m easy material. It’s because you were my first everything and it’s because you know exactly how much you mean to me.”, you cry out, tears coming up to ruin your makeup again. You wished you wouldn’t cry as much as you did. “You know I’ll always let you in, no matter what. I know I’m at fault too here and I’m not blaming you, but please for god’s sake, don’t make it worse on me.”

You looked in the mirror, almost not recognizing yourself. You felt detached from reality, but not in a good way at all.

Jungkook scoffed, looking down at you. “I know I shouldn’t have tried talking to you. It’s like you can’t even appreciate anybody showing you affection. I’m trying to prove to you, that you aren’t nothing to me and that’s the response that I get. Not everybody’s against you, yn, you’re just too insecure to notice. That’s why you haven’t ever had anybody showing you interest. It’s because you lack confidence and think the world revolves around you. But I did show you interest. In the past and now. But look at you. You haven’t changed at all, still the little yn who compares herself to other girls and thrives off of male attention, because you can’t believe that somebody could love you just for you when there’s skinnier, prettier girls walking around. So what if there are skinnier, prettier girls around? That’s reality, yn.”

You didn’t know what exactly you expected him to say, but that wasn’t it. Looking at him with big, teary eyes, is that really what he thought of you? Of course, it was. Because it was the truth. The cold, hard truth. Not sugarcoated. He knew you better than you wanted him to.

Without a single word leaving your dry lips, you open the door and run out, ignoring him calling your name and the weird stares people were giving you. You needed to find Jane.

Once you found her joking around with a bunch of random people, you go up to her. You most likely looked like you came out of a horror movie.

“Yn? What the fuck happened?”, she lightly took your face in her warm hands and caressed your cheek worriedly.

“Pl- please, can we just go home?”, you whimpered, thankful that everybody was respectful enough to turn around and focus on their stuff instead of ogling at you.

“Sure, sure. Come here”, she took you in her arms and walked you out of the mansion, not caring to say goodbye to anybody.

_

people who wanted to get tagged in pt. 2:

@1-in-abillion @sarcasmflowsinmyveins @chieftoadturkeynickel @madygswich @kb-bangtanenthusiast

thank you for the support love yall!! 💗

a/n: so i know most of yall probably wanted a happy ending but first of all this probably isn’t the ending:) and i wanted to portray it as realistically as possible. It’s really hard to get out of a toxic relationship especially when you’re so in love with them but i’ll see what i can do to make yn happy cuz girly’s going thru it. Btw this wasn’t proofread so there’s probably so many mistakes and i thought this was very underwhelming but i hope you guys like it thank you!

[mkstrigidae]

asd;fkjhsdgl I've bitched about this before, but my roommates boyfriend is STILL living with us (he either leaves on the 1st or the 8th) and when she asked me initially if I would be okay with him being here frequently, I said it was fine, because he's getting sent to another country for three years and like, I get it. If I were in her position, I'd want to spend as much time with him as possible before he leaves, so i've just been friendly and going to my parents house on weekends (it's only a couple hours drive and it means seeing the dogs so I really don't mind that) both for the sake of my sanity and to try to give them some time alone because, again, I get it.

Rant under the cut because I'm not going to subject my dash to this long, if admittedly kind of cathartic, post.

I'm just really annoyed now, because we got our power bill the other day, and it VERY clearly reflects that 3 people have been living here, because it was much higher than it's been in previous months. I kind of jokingly asked her about it (like 'wow! haha does that seem higher than usual to you?'), and she just went into like, this mode of just theorizing about like 'oh, but maybe the power company increased rates, or like maybe it's just the heat... etc.' and i was just in my head like 'ITS YOUR BOYFRIEND. THREE PEOPLE EQUALS LARGER BILL' (plus then she knocked on my closed door later while i was in the middle of a timed assignment and started going into this long thing of what she thought might have happened- I was just like 'hey can we talk about this later? I'm kind of working on a deadline' and she dropped it)

Honestly, i'm mostly annoyed that she's not either willing or able to take responsibility for the increase, just because when i've asked her about things before (she had two dogs staying in our apartment while i was gone for a couple weeks without telling me, one wasn't properly house trained (you HAVE to tell your roommates if you're bringing a puppy in, because they are wonderful, but also destructive), our carpets smelled awful, and when I asked her if she had had a dog in our apartment, she instantly was like 'um, yeah? I specifically asked you if they could come over and stay. you said you were fine with that.' which, she did not, and I may not have been, even had I known. That wouldn't be the kind of thing I'd forget, tho, because I have a TON of houseplants, and would have moved them all into my room to avoid accidental canine accidents had i known, and I was pretty frustrated with the whole thing- as it was, she apparently put up baby gates around my plants, which i did appreciate, but not as much as I would have appreciated the communication).

So basically i'm just frustrated that neither of them seem to have the consideration here to say 'hey, we know we're using more water/power, so what if we contribute a bit more', but like, my window to establish that particular boundary was basically when she asked me initially if I was okay with him being here "more often" and I said yes, because AGAIN, I get it, and I would want my SO over as often as possible if I knew they were leaving for another country soon. So like, of course I'm not going to be a dick about it, because it wouldn't be worth sitting down to have a conversation about shared resources (which i 100% would already have done, had I not been aware of and counting down the days until his imminent departure). I'm just super annoyed, but genuinely don't want to express it to them because i really don't want to stress out my roommate over this (because for the most part I really do like her even if I do not like the boyfriend), I already agreed to this situation when asked, and I haven't been sleeping a lot lately bc of stress and possibly hormones, so it's very likely that a good deal of my annoyance is irrational, and therefore no one's problem to deal with but my own.

So I'm just bitching about it here. I am legitimately annoyed at how much they've been monopolizing the washing machine for all of his stuff, though- I had to ask like 3 times if I could put my sheets in yesterday and it was a bit frustrating (also whenever he's here, she gets kind of lax about doing dishes which isn't the worst thing ever, but ugh). Plus, like I said, school/family stress + hormones + not as much sleep as I should be getting = a very tetchy Emily, but like, petty as it sounds, I just can't relax when I know someone else besides the person I agreed to live with is here for an extended period of time (particularly when they're a certain kind of male- I don't know why). It's an irrational thing, so I don't make it anyone else's problem, but I usually am fine with it, because people are over for like, 1 or 2 nights, or if they're here longer, it's one of her female friends, or younger siblings, who are all lovely people. But like, her boyfriend has just been GRATING on me and I don't entirely know why, and it's not either of their faults that they're trying to spend time together before a separation, but like, I just cannot wait to have my space back.

I just want to sit in the living room in my pajamas without a bra and watch Leverage or something without feeling like there's some guy about to pop out of the woodwork and start a conversation (usually about how great the US is- he's a military guy) without me knowing whether he was here or not (bc he's sometimes here even when her car is gone)- it's like schrodinger's fucking boyfriend tbh.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x18 Much I do about nothing

So, here it is the final recap for S1. Once again this one took way too long, but long story short I have limited access to a laptop I’m basically only able to do this on mobile, which is not the best.

I normally do the recaps in one sitting, which takes me quite a while and it’s hard for me to find the time to do it. So going forward I’m going to try to do it a bit differently and watch the epsiode in parts, I’m hoping that will help to have the recaps out there faster.

Anyway, here’s the recap.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode

Serena calling after Dan all night... he isnt’t worthy of that but she loves him so there’s that

Rufus and Lily finally got their sexy time. Too bad is the morning of Lily’s wedding. Talk about akward.

This is one of my fave scenes of Chuck and Blair, there’s cuteness, there’s flirty banter and feisty Blair, what’s not to love.

I still want to know the story about him not removing that scarf. Just for entertaining purposes.

Nate and his dad running is a nice little call back to the early episodes of S1, which feels like ages ago.

And here we are with Dan and Georgina and Serena finally exposing her as a manipulative evil mastermind

Thanks Serena for reminding that Lily & Rufus can’t coexist with Dan and Serena 😪

That scene between Bart and Lily is actually good, he’s obviously making a point and letting her know she must make a choice, the good old days when Bart was actually a character and not a cartoon villian.

I remember thinking on my first watch while Dan and Blair are scheming, the show should make them snarky friends that would be fun. 😪

Seriously Dan and ‘Sarah’ have known each other for how long and they already have “their spot” guys are the worst

“Humphrey you’re a born liar” you don’t even know the half of it Blair

As much as I love Blair and this iconic line “haven’t you heard, I’m the crazy bitch around here” I still can’t believe that aftet plotting the whole night with Chuck their plan was just ratting her out to her parents.

Sorry Jenny but that dress Vanessa is wearing is awful. Actually I’m not a fan of Blair’s dress either. Anyway everything is a tad better with ‘Time to pretend’ playing in the background, overplayed as it was I still love it.

Also Blair and Chuck again with the flirty bantering, reminiscing a bit about that first time and Chuck getting kicked. Quality content all around.

I don’t know about Serena but luckily for Blair twenty years in the future she won’t be on her fourth husband

I always hated that “I didn’t sleep with Georgina, but I may as well have” like first of all what does that even mean. Second it’s so frustating because it feels like the show went through great lengths to keep Dan as the “good guy” on this particular situation, and that wasn’t fair to Serena.

Even though I know this is only the end of S1 and there’s more to come I’ll forever be bitter about Rufus and Lily not being together. I do like the bittersweet note of this particular moment though.

Rufly aside I have such a soft spot for the Van der Basses. Sure it was far from perfect but still.

That earlier bit between Nate and Chuck with the captain pointing out that whoever the girl they’re fighting about ain’t worth it and Chuck agreeing and Nate saying that’s the problem may seem like another of Chuck douchbag smarmy moments, but I actually like how it sort of makes sense later in the episode, because is only when Chuck admits the truth to Nate about how he felt about Blair, that Nate not only finally listens to him about the captain, but is also willing to have his friend back.

Poor Nate, always being let down by his father, at least he got to make his point, even if he had to punch his dad (again) to do it.

Even though Blair is on full bitch mode towards Vanessa, she ain’t actually wrong about Nate: endless family drama and never getting over Serena.

Nate and Chuck’s friendship isn’t as larger than life as Blair and Serenas, but is one I still love, and finally is back on. Also Nate’s amused and surprised smile about Chuck’s feelings for Blair is priceless. Chuck’s reaction too, how con someone be smug and shy at the same time?

Dan makes me want to scream like what bullshit is thid “i got seduced by a girl who was pretending to someone else and you knew” so somehow that’s Serenad fault? “I am the most understanding person in the world” Excuse me!!! In what universe, like honestly Dan just shut up.

The fact that this show actually has Serena saying “we are exactly we were at the Bass brunch when we started dating I wasn’t the person you thought I was and you can’t forgive that” and then Dan just sidetracks and claims a lot has happen... and we’re only on season one

Beside the fact that I love the scene of Chuck’s speech while he’s looking at Blair, this line is so spot on “in the face of true love you don’t give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to” the whole speech is basically the abreviated version of the Chuck and Blair story.

Serena’s is in her own cloud of missery and yet she still makes a face when she sees Chuck and Blair are kissing 😂

Chuck Bass is a romantic, and that’s all that matters 😉.

As much as I’m not sad about Dan and Serena breaking up, it is kind of sad watching them have a last dance with ‘the ice’s getting thinner” playing in the background (such a good song btw)

I had honestly forgot about Jenny for a bit here.

I feel so robbed because they just skip a week and we didn’t got to see any of it, like Chuck being a complete gentlemen? C’mon! Anyway Blair’s traveling outfit is almos customy, nevermind I still love it, it also helps how fears about helicopters aside, she’s excited she’s about the Tuscany trip,

I remember the first time I was like so that’s the end of Nate and Vanessa? How swift. Not that I mind because that scene between Nate and Serena was so promising about summer and the Hamptons... but that’s a rant for S2

The way Bart can’t help but messing up Chuck’s head, even if he doesn’t try to, though whith Bart one never knows. Fun fact: the first time I watched this episode when Chuck goes after Amelia I literally screamed to the screen: “NO!!!’ You idiot”.

So that’s a wrap on Season 1! It was such a fun ride and I’m going to miss it. This last episode was really packed, it also felt quite long for some reason. It also ends with every major ship on the outs, which sucks a bit but it’s also a great set up for season 2.

First there’s Dan and Serena, who call it quits because for the last few episodes their relationship has been a constance struggle of secret and lies. One could make the point that their relationship was always dishonest by Dan’s secret identity as gossip girl, god knows I’ve been ranting about that the whole season particularly the last episode, because in principle is very hypocrital of Dan to be so mad about Serena’s lies when he’s keeping the biggest secret of all. But since she doesn’t know this the whole discussion is centered about her mistakes... Serena makes the very valid (and true) point that Dan can’t forgive her for not being who he thought she was, and this is something that’s going to keep being an issue for them the whole show, but for this particular break up the other big issue is lack of trust

Trust is the key point in a relationship and how can Dan trust Serena if she lies and hides stuff, they can’t have a relationship that way, even if she has come clean about her past who’s not to say if they come across another issue Serena will be honest this time and not hide and try to handle it on her own, truth is she most likely will, (she does act this way in future seasons) but what I would like to point out is that as much as Dan can’t trust her now, Serena actually never trusted him, not in the sense that he would spill her secrets but rather that she didn’t trust him not to judge her and she also didn’t trust that he would still love her if he knew everything about her. And in her mind he proves her right that’s why she points out they’re having the same argument they had at the Bass brunch and even so (sadly) Serena still wants to work through this and Dan is the one that says no, let’s break up. I don’t disagree with him is better for them to be separated but I ‘m petty and so I kind of hate he’s the one in his high horse breaking up with her, when he almost cheated on her with Georgina and even has the nerve to be like “i only did that because you cheated on me and you’re a liar and you let me get involved with a psycho” and it’s just hell no Dan! First of all no one force you to do anything, and also how long did he knew this girl Sarah and they already have “their spot” like that’s on you, and I’m not even mentioning how this argument of the psycho pretty much destroys itself when one remember he’s gossip girl so... who’s the most twisted manipulative one there. I would have issues with Dan and Serena even if he wasn’t Gossip Gilr, but the fact that he is... seriously he’s one devious guy.

Also not a fan of the show going out of their way to keep Dan’s nice guy image, they keep teasing his night with Georgina and then they decide to be light, well he didn’t actually slept with her, the intention was there, but he didn’t because he’s good Dan and sex is meaningful for him, so it’s a big deal for him, but still he was nice and faithful. Sorry but no, have him cheat, everyone else in this show makes questionable decisions and surely the UES changes Dan, so I would like for the show to embrace, they eventualy show it, but they had the space to start to show it much earlier, also just for the record sex with Dan was meaningful for Serena, it wasn’t something she had really experienced before, and it was pointed out earlier in the season, so sex it’s not only meaningful for Dan.

Other two relationships have a quick death this episode: Rufly & Nate and Vanessa. The later gets set aside almost like and afterthought which was dissapointing because it was like why bother then in the first place? Also I actually like their interactions and Vanessa while still judgemental makes and effort for Nate to be more understanding and in turn allows her to show different sides of her character and that’s nice. Then we have that scene between Nate and serena and it’s iluminatinhg, because at list at this point it looke like the show wanted to set something up there and it’s like finally! let’s unravel this (and then...😪 but that’s a rant for the next recap). Rufly on the other hand I like how it went, it felt natural and yet sad because basically they don’t take their chance because they feel that boat sailed a long time ago, it’s been 20 years, and they could have stolen moments, but more than that is just not possible, doesn’t seem like it could work at this stage of their lifes, and while it’s exciting to take the plunge I totally get why they didn’t here.

Finally there’s Chuck and Blair, and me screaming into infinity. Don’t get me wrong I love this episode and even when I still was like No Chuck you idiot! In some ways it needed to happen. Or at least some version of it, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What I love about this episode is all their flirty banter, their chemistry shines through every single scene they have, and they truly make me think of much ado about nothing, i like the back and forth and the obvious subtext of how much they truly like each other, and one can also tell how this is exciting for them, these thing between it’s a first for both of them for him it’s the first time he wanted more from a girl, he yearns for her in a way he never has feel before, he feels, he’s in love, and to her is quite a heady experience to be so openly wanted by someone, she doesn’t even have to try, to force it like she did Nate whose eyes were always following her best friend, Chuck’s eyes follow her and no else. For a minute there they take the plunge, armed with having his best friend back and getting a family Chuck’s goes for it via a best man speech and an apology. He’s a romantic at heart and he wants her to know, and she can’t resist it and goes for it to.

We’re robbed from that week they’re together after that night and is such a shame because while I feel internally each of them have acknowledged they’re in love with each other, there’s a difference between falling in love with someone and actually loving someone, and I feel this is the time that while they obviously don’t speak about it, I don’t even think they fully realized then but they truly fell for each other to the point where it was never the same again. It’s a scary thought, and it’s Bart who brings those fears to the front of Chuck’s mind, the guy is scared to death, is not only because the change of going from womanizing playboy to boyfriend seems monumental for a guy like him but more importantly Chuck’s someone who believes the worst of himself, and it wasn’t a big deal for him, because to eyes of the person whose opinion matters the most to him he’s alreayd a failure and that’s not got to change, but Blair is his second thoughest critic, what she thinks matters and unlike Bart she actually believes he has it in him, to be whatever he wants to and Bart’s words make him think of the expectations Blair may have of him now, and the thought of proving her wrong, he doesn’t want her to see that, and sure he’s going to fail and she’ll hate him for it... and that would be it. So better to end it now, on his terms while he’s the one in control of the situation and put a stop to it.

Bottom line he ain’t ready for it at all, he actually won’t be for a long time, and because of this is going to take Blair a lot of time too to be ready for it. Is what I like about Chuck’s best man speech at first glance is his way to tell Blair he feels something for her and he wants her to give him, them the chance to be something. It’s a plight at heart. It also works perfectly as a summary of what their relationship will be for a while. That no matter what, they love each other, theirs is true love and even if it’s hard almost impossible at times, they can’t give up, and that when one of them wants to throw the towel there’s the other one to remind them of why is worth it in the end.

The game between them is really about to start, here we go S2.

Random bits I’ve noticed:

Chuck lightly squeezing his dad’s arm when Lily’s almost at the end of the altar warmed my heart.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X07 - Dark Hollow

After the BEST WEEKEND EVER, I’m back! Just giving you a heads up -- to say on the timeline, I’m gonna pump these guys out a bit faster than usual, so my reviews may end up a lot shorter.

Anyway, I hope your week wasn’t too...HOLLOW in my absence!

The puns return!!!

Anywho, smart stuff under the cut!

Press Release

Mr. Gold and Regina send Ariel back to Storybrooke with an item that will allow Belle to locate a hidden artifact that could help take down Pan. But unbeknownst to them, two men have broken into the town with the intent to stop them - at all costs. Meanwhile, Emma, Neal and Hook attempt to find Dark Hollow, where Peter Pan’s shadow dwells, in order to capture it, and Mary Margaret is upset with David for keeping his poisoning a secret from her.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Storybrooke

Conflicts where Belle gets to be in the role of hero always have the potential to be great, and while some *cough “The Outsider”* fail, this one does a fair amount better! Belle’s last conversation with Rumple and the little help she can provides makes her moping understandable (Albeit a little annoying) and Ariel’s encouragement and need for this to be successful acts as a great contrast.

I do wish that more went into Belle’s story here. As is, it’s Belle mopes, she hears a keyword or sees something, and she just solves the problem. There’s no either moment of realization on Belle’s part or a conversation that is communicated to Belle that states that she’s already a hero. Well, sort of scratch that because of her conversation with Archie at Granny’s, but it’s never reinforced by anyone. Because of that, while not badly put together, the problem that Belle had at the start of the episode isn’t really solved. It’s just dismissed. For an example of this done right, look at “Bear and the Bow.” There, Merida doesn’t believe that she can save her family on her own, needs to be pushed into solving the problem on her own, and when she does, there’s that moment of realization that she had that potential. This is a flabbier version of that story.

Neverland

“The fact that they both have feelings for you is dangerous, too.” Oh, the love triangle episode. Look, I’ll level with you. The best part of this segment is the end where Emma nips this in the bud and tells them both to fuck off until the mission is done.

And I get that the framing is supposed to be like that. Killian and Neal are so invested in their romances with Emma that they endanger everything, but it’s in no way anything less than an utter pain in the ass to watch. And it leaves such a bad mark on both men, having them prioritize a romance over Henry -- Neal’s son and the motivation of Killian’s redemption! What I would’ve done is stated that Dark Hollow would enhance feelings of bitterness towards one’s companions, making the pettiness here work better. That way, the almost cartoon-y and sabotage-y lengths that the guys went to would’ve been much better. As it stands, it’s annoying to watch and because the segment is from Emma’s POV, it doesn’t even serve to deliver a theme like some other stories of its ilk do for other characters.

Part of me feels like this episode was supposed to be a callout to shippers to tell them to focus on the main story over the ships, but for that to be truly effective and not make Neal and Killian come off so badly, there’d need to be either a lot more self awareness from the two guys (Which would end the story prematurely) or some agent that would artificially push those issues to a place of greater importance than Henry’s safety.

On the flip side, I love Pan’s gambit. It’s amazing seeing Pan and Felix plant the seeds of Pan’s next scheme in a way that makes it look like Henry’s solving the mystery. It’s such a treat seeing this and actually having the knowledge of knowing precisely what Pan is doing beforehand. We see how sharp Pan is as he checks the boxes of exploiting Henry’s goodwill (Wanting to be a hero, the connection between Henry and his father, the love of fairytales) and all the while making him feel clever. It’s not frustrating, but because of the POV, it makes an aspect of this kind of story that’s been so ingrained into our skulls at this point feel fresh! His use of Wendy to paint himself as a hero is fantastic, doing a great job to tilt Henry’s thought process.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-”They saved us.” I really love how much everyone cheers over the heroes saving them. Look, the heroes have their faults, but there’s a reason why the town at large stays loyal to them.

-I also ADORE scenes of Storybrooke at large working together. All of the major players are so great!

-I love the overall BIGNESS of the cloaking spell. It something that follows our characters throughout the rest of the series and it’s appropriately epic and not just in the sense that its an obstacle for our “villains.”

-I can’t look at that “Leaving Storybrooke” sign. I just can’t. It makes me so sad!

-”She’ll know exactly what to do.” Rum Rum, just because you can perceive vague shit doesn’t mean everyone else can!

-”Guess you’ll just have to trust me.” Reggie, you are lucky that Ariel is a trusting person because this is shady af!

-”Someone is leaving Neverland.” This line is utterly fantastic, especially with how subtly it’s said. You get a real sense of how embedded Pan truly is with Neverland as a whole.

-*Seethes in anger as fucking C*leman shows up* Fuck you, C*leman.

-”No giant stepping on my Miata!” If Anton were here, he’d take offense to that. ...Also, where IS he? Does he not show up for the rest of the series? If so, I honestly regret not honoring him in my last overview.

-I love how Archie was just anticipating slipping into therapist mode, hungry for that session like I am for that cheeseburger!

-”Now you’ve got a dress code? I seem to recall some Ruby outfits that are seared into my brain.” Grumpy! Bad!

-What is it with red-haired characters in this series ROCKING the color green? Ariel and Zelena just make it look so good!

-”He’s really into being cryptic, isn’t he?” Honey, you have NO idea!

-”It’s good to see you inherited his tunnel vision.” Snowy, you have NO idea.

-”I’m not holding your family prisoner.” I love that subtle bit of gaslighting. No, he’s not holding Henry’s family prisoner, but he is holding HENRY prisoner.

-”It’s a corkscrew, but it’s not what Rumple needs.” I don’t know about that, Belle. He could stab a Lost Boy or two. *shrugs*

-Wow! Some subtle acting from Emiliee! Look at her hands as she holds Pandora’s Box! The subtle shaking is amazing, saying so much about how powerful the box truly is!

-Pan is such a sneaky little bitch. I love how as soon as one plan is discovered, it only takes him another moment to create another plan that accounts for the failings of the last one.

-*Emma almost decapitates Killian with her sword* I’m pretty sure Colin said that that was a blooper that actually made it onto the show! XD

-Hey pre-Underworld Underworld filter! Good to see you!

-I can also understand why David wouldn’t want to tell Snow: For Emma’s sake. She just gets her parents back and then she’d have to lose at least one of them. David was trying to spare her from losing both of them too.

-”You want to tell me how that coconut works?” You should probably tell Jen too because WOW, she hated that prop!

-I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that 99% of Emma’s relief in that scene was Jen’s relief in finally closing that fucking coconut!

-”Providing motivation.” “For what?” “For doing what needs to be done.” Wow. Looks like Rumple’s cryptic-ness is rather genetic.

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Find Henry - We now have a way back AND a way to defeat Pan! Things feel like they’re chugging along again, and it works pretty naturally with how the last two episodes went.

Killian’s Redemption - “Why would I have done that [Not tell the group about Neal]?” I like how even as he’s in this love triangle with Neal, Killian doesn’t regret saving him for even a second. That really speaks to Killian’s growth!

Regina’s Redemption - Regina keeping her part of their bargain is a BIG deal in terms of her redemption!

Rumple’s Redemption - Rumple actually says that he will do his best to honor Belle and Ariel’s request to help Wendy and that also is a BIG step! Also, Rumple pointing out that Regina’s jealous of having someone shows a fair amount of self-awareness!

Favorite Dynamic

Henry and Pan. I’ve gone on about them above, but Pan’s understanding of Henry’s personality and subsequent manipulation of that for his own gain is fascinating to watch! Despite only knowing Henry for less than a week, Pan’s got him pegged! He knows the qualities that Henry wants to see in someone he’ll trust and his own aspirations for himself. And though manipulated, Henry is so careful about Pan, showing a lot of intelligence. His “weakness” here is hs kind heart and it’s the perfect aspect on Henry to exploit once it’s clear that method of lying won’t work.

Writer

Kalinda Vazquez and Andrew Chambliss are up again, and I found their storytelling here to be a bit lackluster. The Storybrooke segment was enjoyable, but flabby in terms of delivery and the exact opposite could be said for the Neverland main story. It’s not terrible, but just a little half baked.

Rating

7/10. I wish things had been a bit tighter here. As it stands, this wasn’t OUAT’s best. BUT that’s not to say that there weren’t things I liked. Everything with Pan, Henry, and the Darling siblings was magnificent and Ariel (As usual) is simply a delight)! Also, Emma’s speech at the end where she put the issue of shipping to rest to focus on the mission was just fantastic and an utterly badass moment! I just wished they played more of (Or in the case of Emma’s speech, a better) a role in the main stories.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Grumpy Beauty - Once again, we get to see bits of these two working together early on and it’s just the best!

Captain Swan - Okay, I love how Emma’s big point in Killian’s favor was how he told her about Neal. That’s such an earnest, sweet, and Emma-like thing to adore. Also, “so when I win your heart, Emma -- and I will win it -- it won’t be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me.” I love that resolve of Killian’s to not only be with Emma, but to be with her honestly. It speaks to sentiments she values and shows his commitment to his own redemption. ALSO, “I’ve yet to see you fail.” Killian honestly does believe in her!

Swan Fire - I really enjoyed Neal’s apology at the end of the episode and I love how you can see how his returned resolve to focus on Henry had its effect on Emma and was so sincere! <3

Rumbelle - Just look at the way Belle basically blubbers as she first sees Rumple’s face through the sand dollar. It’s so beautiful. Honestly, this whole episode is a love letter to Rumbelle and just how much they mean to each other and trust in each other. “Tell Belle I love her. And that she’s right. I WILL see her again.”

Snowing - I love Snow and David’s argument. It’s so raw and it so clearly comes from this place of love.

Swan Queen - There’s really something to be said for Emma succeeding thanks to her understanding of Regina whereas both Neal and Killian sort of failed her! <3

-----

Again, thank you for your patience with these more rushed out reviews. I really want to stay on schedule and thankfully, there wasn’t a hello of a lot to say here.

Also, thank you to @watchingfairytales! It was lovely meeting half of you guys at the con!

Season 3 Total (66/220) Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (19/60) Kalinda Vazquez (17/40) Andrew Chambliss (17/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (10/40) Robert Hull (10/40) Christine Boylan (10/20) Daniel Thomsen (10/30)

Operation Rewatch Archives

[oblivi-ace97]

Pls post your 3 pages worth of reasons that Ross is a terrible person - I'm a very petty person & it would fill me w so much joy to read it 💕

I have now finished season 1 and have come to a grand total of 4 pages! I think I will update this as I rewatch the other seasons, but for right now here is season 1 

Reasons Why Ross Geller is a Horrible Human Being

Season 1:

Episode 1: The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate

·        I know that he is hurt about Carol leavinghim but he is so fixated on her leaving him for a woman

·        “and try not to let my intensevulnerability become any kind of a factor here” said right before he asksRachel “would it be okay if I asked you out sometime” basically remindingRachel that he is hurting trying to make her feel guilty if she says no

Episode 2: The One with the Sonogram at the End

·        Asks Carol if she’s still a lesbian

·        Carol says she wants to name the babyMinnie if it’s a girl (after her grandmother) and Ross says no because everyonewould think Minnie Mouse

·        Implies that the baby is not Susan’s sinceshe was not part of the baby making process

·        “I don’t think I can be involved in thisparticular family” said as he is leaving the exam room (he does however stopand come back once he hears the sonogram and looks at the baby)

Episode 3: The One with the Thumb

·        N/A

Episode 4: The One with George Stephanopolous

·        Why must Ross always mention the fact thatCarol is a lesbian? “I think I’m just gonna go home and think about my ex-wifeand her lesbian lover”

Episode 5: The One with the East German LaundryDetergent

·        N/A

Episode 6: The One with the Butt

·        N/A

Episode 7: The One with the Blackout

·        Mentions Carol being a lesbian…again (thistime in a mocking tone)

·        Told Palo that he and Rachel were a thingwhen they very much were not a thing

·        Took advantage of the fact that Palodoesn’t know much English and called him a crapweasel

Episode 8: The One Where Nana Dies Twice

·        N/A

Episode 9: The One Where Underdog Gets Away

·        He does mention Carol being a lesbianagain; however, in this context I can’t really be mad at him because if Carolhad left him for man I could understand him not wanting to invite Carol and hernew boyfriend over for Thanksgiving

·        “You guys sure have a lot of books aboutbeing a lesbian”

·        Tells Susan she’s crazy for reading to thebaby who hasn’t been born yet

·        Insists that he get “belly time” to talkto the baby even though he “doesn’t believe in any of this” as in he doesn’tbelieve that the baby can hear him.

·        Must do something just because Susan didit

·        Slaps Susan’s hand when she placed it onCarol’s stomach to feel the baby kick

Episode 10: The One with the Monkey

·        N/A

Episode 11: The One with Mrs. Bing

·        Kisses Chandler’s mom

·        Tells Joey that Chandler doesn’t need toknow

·        Originally tells Chandler it was Palo

·        Doesn’t get why Chandler is upset

Epsiode 12: The One with the Dozen Lasagnas

·        Lied to Carol about a lasagna beingvegetarian because it would upset Susan who is a vegetarian.

·        Doesn’t let Rachel have her time to getover Palo (Rachel says that she is done with guys as in she wants to take abreak from them and Ross tells her that’s not the right way to get over Palo)

Episode 13: The One with the Boobies

·        N/A

Episode 14: The One with the Candy Hearts

·        When he and his date see Carol and Susanat the same restaurant Ross tell his date that “the blonde is my ex-wife andthe woman touching her is her close personal friend.”

·        When his date asks if they [Carol andSusan] are lovers Ross replies with, “Well if you want to put a label on it.”

·        Ignores his date to pay attention to Carol

·        Asks his date if Carol can join them sinceSusan got called into work

·        Spent the majority, if not his entire datetalking to Carol and didn’t even notice his date leave

·        Tells Carol they should get back togetherbecause being with her is easy for him. Even though he knows fully well thatCarol and Susan are very happy together and very much in love

·        Told Carol “not to deny” that they areperfect for each other and that she is carrying HIS baby

Episode 15: The One with the Stoned Guy

·        N/A

Episode 16: The One with the Two Parts: Part 1

·        “We’ve got dads, we’ve got lesbians, thewhole parenting team.” In regards to Susan being at the Lamaze class with himand Carol

·        He can never just say that Susan is Carolpartner. He always says their friends or something

·        The whole thing with the monkey. Heshouldn’t have a monkey as a pet in the first place and he brings Marceleverywhere, but he isn’t properly trained (most likely due to the fact thatRoss should not have a monkey)

·        “I’m gonna play my sperm card one moretime.” Said to Susan when she didn’t want to be the “mommy” at Lamaze classsince Carol wasn’t there

Episode 17: The One with the Two Parts: Part 2

·        N/A

Episode 18: The One with All the Poker

·        Teases Joey for crying. (Joey had criedduring a poker game because he lost)

·        All the guys tell the girls “No” when theyask for the guys to teach them how to play poker

·        When they do end up teaching the girls howto play the keep getting annoyed whenever the girls do something wrong

·        “don’t expect me to be a nice guy” he saysthis to Rachel when talking about playing poker (it’s more his tone that irksme about this one)

Episode 19: The One Where the Monkey Gets Away

·        When Rachel accidently lets Marcel out ofthe apartment and she tells Ross he understandably gets upset (I mean if afriend of mine lost my pet I would be upset so I can’t blame him) but he thensays “You know I guess it’s partially my fault. I shouldn’t of asked you tostart off with a monkey. I should of started you off with a pen or a pencil.” Likethat is completely uncalled for

·        He then gets upset that Rachel calledanimal control. It’s not Rachel’s fault that you have an illegal exotic animalas a pet Ross

·        Talks about how Rachel is always “off inRachel land” and never pays attention to people’s monkeys or people’s feelings.Seriously Ross! He’s making this about him and his obsession with Rachel

·        “You had to be a bitch in high school. Youcouldn’t have been fat.” Said to Rachel when the animal control person, Louisa,captures Marcel. Louisa had homeroom with Monica and Rachel and hated Rachel forignoring her.

·        I will give him this…he did apologize toRachel

·        When Rachel agrees to have a glass of winewith him he dims the lights…really Ross

Episode 20: The One with the Evil Orthodontist

·        Rachel’s ex-fiancé, Barry shows up andtells her he thinks he is still in love with her. They go to lunch and when shecomes back and tells everyone what they did for the afternoon Ross says, “Wasthat before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers,and to generally leave you alone.” He was possessive even before they gottogether

·        “What were you thinking?” said to Rachelafter he finds out that Rachel and Barry had sex

Episode 21: The One with the Fake Monica

·        N/A

Episode 22: The One with the Ick Factor

·        Gets jealous that Rachel had a dream aboutChandler. “I can’t believe you two had sex in her dream”

·        When Rachel talks about another dream shehad that involved Chandler and Joey, Ross asks if “anybody else was there” itcomes off really creepy

Episode 23: The One with the Birth

·        Everything has to be a competition when itcomes to Susan. They are timing Carol’s contractions and Susan says they are 55seconds apart and Ross has to interject and say they are 59 seconds apart andthat he has a better watch so his time is correct

·        Ross and Susan argue over getting Carolice chips

·        Ross and Susan argue over helping Carolwith a leg cramp

·        Blames Susan for the fact that they arelocked in a closet

·        Claims that no one has been waiting forthe birth of his son as much as he has (Carol and Susan are just as excited asyou are Ross calm down)

Episode 24: The One Where Rachel Finds Out

·        More jealousy over some guy that Rachel goesout on a date with

I probably forgot some stuff but for the most part season 1 Ross is just an asshole who is obsessed with Rachel and can’t over that fact that his ex-wife is a lesbian.

[flameontheotherside]

The Ultimatum

We had a "talk" last night, Vince and I...

Like about how I don't love him enough and he's giving me 2 months to change. He thinks I never loved him and I'm holding the fact he's an addict. Once an addict is always an addict and this includes me... 😑 He doesn't realize that he's traded one drug for another. He said "can't get addicted" and "that" it's not like the heroin he used to take. What he also fails to realize is that at one point I was and become an addict under the influence and of my exs and he's not an exception. He wants me to just drop my past and look to our "future".

What he doesn't know is a lot because about me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I don't like when he keeps bringing it up. I know letting shit go is the truth and he has every right to tell me what hurts. It's in every fight or talk we have and now Erik is added to the equation 🙄. He keeps saying or I keep feeling he thinks all I went through is petty compared to his addiction.

Maybe it's my fault he's so ignorant.

He thinks before him, I was whoring myself around like some cheap hooker. No, I was raped. Taken advantage of. It wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for it. I was and I guess still gullible. I used to see only the best in people no matter how many red flags these assholes raised. On top of that, I was trying to fill a void. It was more than wishful thinking. I was specifically and unconsciously looking for Erik. Not some stupid mental fuck up!

There is so much fucked up I've never told anyone because what's the point? People will think I've made it up or looking for attention so they don't take me seriously. Maybe that Im just over exaggerating to make myself a victim. I'm not a victim. I don't use all of my problems as an excuse but he keeps bringing up the amount of crazy I am. He then kicks me where it hurts bringing Erik in to the mix because he "accidentally" saw on my phone the post about Someone Like Erik.

Yeah sure, 😏 I can be a bitch.

Im not fucking Mother Teresa 😇 but I'm not a complete tyrant. Sure, I have my moments and maybe it's triggered. Sure, why not just apologize and act like a happy go lucky an obedient girlfriend. The red flags or change of view happened in 2016 when he blatantly refused to work for 3 months relying on my fat paycheck. He even had the audacity to pressure (or what felt like) me about doing well so I can keep the job. Yeah Im not over it yet. So the fuck what? It's like he still doesn't want to feel responsible anymore. 🙄 He apologized for it, I'm not buying anymore since he fucked up two jobs for reasons of his own. My psychic senses warned him and he ignored me calling me negative.

I had two breakdowns and during all that seeing so many things repeating. Didn't know it was all about Erik. What I didn't realize there where signs. Like everywhere. Eventually I took my ass in to the clinic asking to be admitted. Instead they ask 20 questions and sent me home with medications! Still kept seeing signs and weird dreams. Went back to reading my cards after some time looking answers. They kept hinting; new love, fresh start, twin flame, mediumship, pendulums even and crystals. Still not convinced, I became obsessed with death and then spring 2017 just as I felt my psychic skills would be back, I met Erik "again".

I know it sounds stupid to add the past life Vince raped me.

Seeing that life, remembering how I was taken advantage of in this one, and back again this time he's my boyfriend...that's what the problem is! I can't just drop it in a year or 8 years. He thinks 5 years is enough time to get over all of that! He won't understand if I tried to tell him all of this and it isn't fair. I've never been allowed to take proper care of myself because I was more concerned with trying to forget all of that happened.

Yeah, I told him the truth 😒 , I'm not attracted to him any more. Can't tell him the whole truth probably because I don't show emotions idk 😐... And I just feel like people will think I'm looking for an 🙄 excuse, sympathy, attention and downplay or invalidate. I never told the whole story of life. 😑 He's constantly saying that by now I should be "over it" or drop it because he's had so much patience with me being sick all the time. It's so easy for him. He got family; a better family and emotional providing parents who cared. Growing up I didn't have those things.

😘💞💕❤️ I love yall, stay warm!

Say "hi" to the snow for me. 🤣 I miss that shit...

And thank you for not being sorry for me. Just venting a little so I really appreciate that! 😆😘 Seriously.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. channelingerik.com … And YouTube

There is a new Twin Flame in spirit support forum: Spirit Spouse Support Group check it out!

Get your first Twin Flame/Mediumship reading free and take a look at affordable detailed readings here! (◕‿◕)♡

[medicinemane]

You know, it really frustrates me when people bitch about their kid not doing a good enough job. Like... whose fault do you think that is? Hint, it’s your damn fault, cause you’re the one who raised them

Which as I say that I’m realizing they’d take to mean “you’re right, I shouldn’t have let them play video games” or something, but no you imbecile it means you should have been supportive of them and making sure things were going alright in their life. It means you’re a parent and you should act like one instead of like a petty dictator

I know someone on discord, hadn’t talked to him in a while so I checked in on him today. I’m trying to think how much I want to say cause, you know, confidentiality, but I think I can say this much:

He ended up finishing up a degree (which isn’t easy cause school sucks), but now he can’t find a job and his mom is pissed at him and treating him horribly...

Are you kidding me!? Of course he can’t find a job, did you not notice the pandemic? It’s so hard to get an entry level position right now. There’s tons of qualified hard working people who can’t find work right now, let alone someone just starting out

This guy is hard working, well behaved, just all around a good dude, but it’s not enough for his mom. There’s such entitlement from parents for no damn reason

Cause if I expand this just just people I know with shitty parents that’s one thing I see a lot. You have these kids who don’t do drugs, who don’t go out and party, who don’t sleep around, and the parents act like they’re dealing with the most horrible child ever. Like this isn’t even saying anything against people who do those things, this is saying you know the parents would be even more up in arms but they don’t have to deal with any of those situations, they have this really docile kid... still not good enough

It just pisses me off, it’s so frustrating. Learn how to be a damn parent. Boo hoo, my kid doesn’t have a job during a horrible resection and global pandemic, poor me. What a spoiled brat you are. You have this wonderful kid, and it’s still not good enough. The kids I know who do have jobs, the parents still find stuff to be upset at them about, there’s no pleasing them

I don’t know... a blessing on all the good parents because they’re so damn rare and they make such a positive impact on the world

There’s a lot of really good children out there, doing a really good job with little support from their family, and often having the family actively knee cap them. It really frustrates me I can without thinking hard instantly come up with 5 people I know who fall into that category, and I’m sure I could think of more if I bothered thinking at all. Some of those people might even read this, cause some of the people I’m thinking of are people I know on here

Screw bad parents, entitled brats who have all these expectations on the people they brought into this world while offering little to nothing in return. No you’re not some hero for putting a roof over your kid’s head, they certainly don’t owe you at least. Hell, make that 6 people I can think of by saying that, I told you it wouldn’t be hard

Anyway, thank you good parents, screw you selfish ones. Some people have real messed up ideas on what a failure of a kid looks like (also what a out of control demon child looks like, but we won’t get into that)

[valamerys]

I really enjoy your blog so is it okay if I ask you top 10 pet peeves in novels? It can be tropes or even a niche moment in a particular book. I like writing myself and would appreciate the help.

hmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM sure, I can come up with some things! bear in mind I read almost exclusively fantasy, and mostly “low” ie not game of thrones fantasy at that, including a loooot of YA, so my items will reflect that.

Top (YA, Fantasy) Fiction Pet Peeves:

1) Unnecessary post-apocalyptic setting  WHY THE FUCK. DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING THIS. WHAT DOES THIS GAIN ANYONE. WHAT IS THE POINT. Red Queen, The Selection, The Queen of the Tearling, and that weird TV show The Shanarananaharahahananaaa Chronicles all do this. It’s, frankly, a cheap-ass bid for Dark and Gritty points, and also an excuse to set things in America But Fantasy, and it’s always bad and awkward. This isn’t planet of the apes, just make your damn fantasy world; you don’t have to try to make it more ~realistic~ by putting the ruins of the statue of liberty in the background. That’s stupid and you’re stupid.

2) One-note characters  Mostly present via The Bitch or The Bully stereotype, but also seen in The Bratty Brother, The Sweet Sister, The Spacey DGAF Parent, and the Eccentric Wise Elder. I get that there’s not time to flesh out every single person your protagonist comes into contact with, but certain archetypes are so fucking boring and done to death that I tune out immediately. It’s not 2004 anymore. The game has evolved. We can do better. We can be more interesting.

Related to the sweet sister trope, I’d like to bring up this text post from my other blog:

3) When the protagonists’ actions/ choices do not affect the plot  Alright, this one isn’t even a pet peeve, it’s basic narrative construction. Your story is supposed to be about your protagonist (or your two or three protagonists, in a multi-pov story, but for simplicity’s sake we’ll talk about one) and their arc, how they change and grow. a) If their actions never have consequences, how the fuck do they, like, learn things? and b) if their actions have no bearing on the climax of the story, how the fuck does the story demonstrate that they’ve changed, or come to a meaningful conclusion that’s related to that? Sure there’s weird literary exceptions, and certainly some fantasy in particular is more plot than character driven, but if your character is honestly never proactive, particularly through the ending of the book, uh, i have a major problem and so should you.

4) The Mandatory Feminism Stuff  we should all know these by now. “Not Like Other Girls” is bad. Hating on corsets and other femme paraphernalia is bad (and moreover i personally resent it because I love corsets). A book with a female protagonist and no other important female characters (or only evil female characters) is bad. A high fantasy series that builds its worldbuilding on a raging patriarchy for the purpose of elevating a few specific women into positions of power for superficial RAH RAH FEMINISM points while not addressing systematic oppression is really, really bad. Defining female empowerment as only one thing (IE picking up a sword and Proving Yourself just as badass as all those scoffing men!!!) is bad. I’m very tired and I want to read about women-- different kinds of women, with different moral alignments and interests and abilities and ethnic backgrounds and ages and sexualities and beliefs-- helping each other and being forces in the world and in each others’ lives. That’s it. That’s all I want. I have no clue why that’s so elusive.

5) Characters being flippant to the point of stupidity because........ that’s cool, i guess?  Homygod, I am so sick to my teeth of characters who would get their asses kicked IRL for being obnoxious and overly glib be appraised with “wow, you’ve really got some nerve! I like you, kid!” or some variation therof. Mouthing off to superiors/ royalty? Charging into a fight on a stray heroic impulse despite everyone with a brain and their mom telling you you’re going to die because you just picked up swordfighting on tuesday? flagrantly and thoughtlessly disregarding engrained cultural things because they don’t align with your conveniently 2017 sense of social justice despite you living in an analogue-medieval world? Not cute. It will get you fucking killed. If your character doesn’t seem to grasp that, I’m going to think they’re a dumbshit, and if the book rewards rather than punishes that, I’m not going to take it very seriously. (obviously there are exceptions to this, particularly if your world doesn’t take itself very seriously, but if you expect to instill a real sense of danger in day-to-day life, your protagonist doesn’t get to be exempt from that because they’re hot and witty.)

6) Also, characters being stubborn. This goes with my last point, because it’s another trait people seem to think is like cool, or something? That stubborn people are stubborn because they’re Strong? that it’s a flaw but it’s actually a Cool Flaw, like in job interviews when they ask your weakness and you say “i’m just TOO hard of a worker, ha ha ha”? U see this a lot in female characters written by people who are uncomfortable writing female characters, i think because, again, it mistakenly reads as Strength on some really superficial level, and because the banter and petty conflict that arises from it temporarily distracts from weak overall characterization. If you’re going to write a character being stubborn, that’s great! But understand that a) it’s a real flaw that can genuinely blind them to good ideas and cause unnecessary friction that shouldn’t be treated as endearing, b) it’s not a replacement for other elements of characterization!! and c) it’s the flipside of being assertive, which is a good thing: no trait is only a flaw or a strength, and so any trait a character possess in abundance should both help and hinder them at different times, with maturity level tempering the bad, to a degree. stubbornness is no different.

7) Sexual assault (or the threat of it) all over the fucking place. Do i have to explain this one? Of course ownvoices books about sexual assault survivors are good and necessary but we are all sick to death of "fun” fantasy worlds where the female characters exist under the constant and unending threat of rape, where sexual assault is common as window dressing and the love interests are Super Special Feminist Snowflakes for being so revolutionary as to take consent into account. fuck that. that should be the bare fucking minimum. i am so tired.

8) The Six-Pack Sex Appeal Golem  Honestly, I am not here to hate on love triangles, because I am ALL ABOUT the romance and the more the merrier. But what i do really, really loathe is the incredibly narrow parameters that have come to exist for male love interests, to the point where they all tend to feel like the same guy in need of anger management: a little broody, smart, serious, jealous and protective to a fault, if we get his POV we get real creepy sexual thoughts out of nowhere while he acts vaguely standoffish and probably a little patronizing to a woman whose Attitude gives him a boner. This man does not experience emotions that can’t be interpreted as darkly sexual, or possibly A Little Bit Vulnerable, just for that one scene of mandatory backstory reveal. I recently reviewed a real bad romance novel and described the hero as “a barely-consistent golem of toxic masculine ideals” and that’s what I’m talking about here. MAKE YOUR LOVE INTERESTS WELL-ROUNDED AND UNIQUE CHARACTERS LIKE ALL YOUR OTHER CHARACTERS. Forget what’s “sexy,” I wanna see the male love interests be Soft and Weird and cry in an unattractive way. For further reading/ a great case study of the Masculine Golem, please just read this article about how abysmal the romance in ROAR is. (For what it’s worth, I actually think SJM manages to avoid this in the ACOTAR series. Rhys and Tamlin suck but they are still mostly consistent characters, not just shells inhabited by the spirit of heterosexuality. your mileage may vary, though.)

9) Secret Superpower/ She Was The Missing Princess/ Queen All Along  I think this is a trend that’s slowly but surely passing from YA, but for a while you couldn’t throw a rock in a bookstore without hitting a trilogy where a long-lost missing princess was established in chapter 1 and you spent the whole fucking first book knowing the orphaned heroine with a murky past was gonna turn out to be the princess and you were always right. Queens are also a huge fucking thing right now, although they don’t tend to follow that exact formula. See also the character’s discovery of a superpower catapulting them into a new exciting life-- basically any discovery of a Cool Sexy birthright as a catalyst for a plot is kind of played out and boring, at this point in time? This ties into my earlier point about wanting characters’ choices to shape the plot; it’s so much easier to have them reacting to external forces, especially dramatic, aesthetic ones, i get that, but you’ll get a more original and interesting story the more you resist that urge. And everyone is fucking tired of secret princesses and can spot them a mile away, y’all.

10) OMG magic is outlawed!!! BUT WAIT THE PROTAGONIST HAS SECRET MAGIC! CAN SHE RISE ABOVE PERSECUTION AND HER PROBABLE ROMANCE WITH THE PRINCE OF THIS POORLY-THOUGHT-OUT TOTALITARIAN REGIME TO LEAD ALL MAGIC-HAVERS TO FREEDOM AND ACCEPTANCE???? If you do this i’m going to come to your house and pour a cup of soda on your head. This is dumb and I can’t believe I’ve seen it multiple times. I’m not even explaining this it should be obvious.

Honorable mentions go to: Excessive mentions/ descriptions of eye color, really tired ways of describing kissing, elemental magic is super fucking overdone, instalove, and Training Montages

[fae-fucker]

The One: Chapter 21

America and the other girls goof around all cutesy and even the queen gets to join, the poor useless bitch. 

BUT THEN!!! DUN DUN DUUUN! America gets called away to meet with Clarkson and Maxon.

I swallowed. Every awful thing ran through my head. My family was in danger. The king had found a way to punish me quietly for all the ways I’d wronged him. He’d discovered we’d sneaked out of the palace. Or, perhaps worst of all, someone had figured out my connection to Aspen, and we were both about to pay for it.

You heard it right here folks. The thought of her and Aspen getting punished for breaking the law is WORSE than the thought of her family in danger. 

OUR HEROINE. OUR SELFLESS PROTECTOR OF THE PROPLE. 

I hate her so fucking much and everybody who likes her is a sheep brainwashed by KCass.

Luckily for Americunt, it’s something to do with the Italians, and America thinks that Clarkson found out about her super secret super epic super politically savvy super strategic deal with Nicoletta. 

It’s not. 

It’s even dumber. 

“We have been trying to make an alliance with the Italians for decades, and all of a sudden the royal family is quite interested in having us visit. However”—the king picked up the letter, searching for a specific section—“ah, here. ‘While it would be more than an honor to have Your Majesty and your family grace us with your company, we hope that Lady America will also be able to visit with you. After meeting all the Elite, we can’t imagine anyone following in the queen’s footsteps quite like her.’”

The king raised his eyes back to me. “What have you done?”

Suddenly, a huge burning skeleton burst in through the wall. I screamed and instantly pooped myself and almost fainted. 

“SHE DID NOTHING!” the terrible spooky skeleton screeched and pointed a scary bony finger at me. “SHE’S THE AUTHOR’S PET, AND HER MEAGER EFFORTS ARE REWARDED WITH EXCESSIVE PRAISE! SHE, ALL OF YOU, WILL PAY FOR THIS NONSENSE!” 

Then the skeleton killed all of us. THE END. 

I fucking wish. Anyway, the king continues with his praise. We all know it’s meant to be read as badass, so don’t even fucking argue with me, KCass.

“Then how did a girl of no means, no connections, and no power manage to get this country within the reach of something it’s been trying to achieve for years? How?”

In my heart, I knew that there were factors here that he was oblivious to. But it was Nicoletta who had offered assistance to me, who had asked if she could do anything for a cause she wanted to support. If he’d accused me of something that was actually my fault, his rising voice would have been frightening. As it was, he came across like a child.

In response, I spoke quietly. “You were the ones who assigned us to entertain your foreign guests. I never would have met any of those women otherwise. And she’s the one who wrote, inviting me to come. I didn’t beg for a trip to Italy. Maybe if you were simply more welcoming, you’d have had your alliance with Italy years ago.”

AMERICA IS SUCH A BADASS!!! EVERYONE KNEEL IN FRONT OF HER GREATNESS AND KISS HER FEET TO SHOW YOUR SUBMISSION!! 

Seriously though, this is fucking dumb. I can’t even be assed to take it apart because we already know this is sloppily put together “politics” constructed in such a way that America’s bare minimum and idiotic stumbling are seen as clever and calculating. What I will complain about is the fact that Clarkson says that they “need” the Italians because they’ll open a lot of doors for Illéa. 

Again, you don’t need FUCKING FRANCE, but Italy is apparently super powerful now? You know there’s a reason people are scared that France will leave the EU, right? Does KCass have relatives in Italy or some shit? What is this nonsense? 

Anyway, apparently they can’t kick America out now because it’ll upset the Italians, so the king wants to bring all the girls to Italy so they can get to know them better and forget all about the totes badass rebel sympathizer America. 

Because apparently, you can just do that during a war, idk. I feel like KCass forgets the whole war thing until it’s needed for a dramatic line.

The king looked at Maxon, venom in his eyes. “Are you declaring your choice right now then? Is the Selection over?”

My pulse stopped altogether.

“No,” Maxon answered, as if the very thought was ridiculous.

BUT WHY?!?!?!? WHY DOESN’T HE JUST END IT?! WHAT IS KEEPING HIM FROM CHOOSING AMERICA RIGHT NOW?!?!?!

I’m so tired.

The king says America has to prove herself trustworthy before Maxon can choose her, which goes against literally THE WHOLE ENTIRE SETUP THAT RELIES ON CLARKSON HAVING ZERO CONTROL OVER MAXON’S CHOICE.

KCASS, DID YOU EVEN THINK ONCE WHILE WRITING THIS? 

Anyway, Clarkson wants America to read some shitty propaganda to tell the castes to calm their shit, which isn’t the dumbest idea he’s had, but don’t you think IT’S A BIT TOO FUCKING LATE TO START PULLING THIS NOW, WHEN THE REBELLION’S ALREADY HAPPENING AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING MURDERED?!

WHY DIDN’T YOU THINK OF DOING THIS FROM THE START?!

I’m so tired.

“The lower castes tend to get unruly from time to time—it’s natural. But we have to subdue the anger and squash the ideas of usurping power quickly, before they unite and undo our great nation.”

“BEFORE”?!?!?!?! “BEFORE”??!?!?!??!?!??!

IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING.

Maxon stared at his father, still not fully comprehending his words.

I’m glad Maxon’s still reliably stupid. 

The king was planning to divide and conquer: make the castes absurdly grateful for what they had—even if they were being treated like they didn’t matter—and tell them not to associate with those outside of their castes, for they certainly wouldn’t understand the plight of anyone outside their own.

I love how this is framed as some sinister epic final attack when it’s like Dictatorship 101. 

This is so sad and pathetic. So obviously written by a white middle class American woman who has no fucking clue about how politics or dictatorships work and clearly she didn’t even bother looking it up. Who needs that when you have BOYS.

“This is propaganda,” I spat, remembering the word from Dad’s tattered history book.

Baby’s first Politics. 

This is laughable.

They argue about ... fucking basic propaganda tactics like it’s some epic political stategy and I’m just kind of tickled. The king spouts some evil dictator crap, that’s still like super duper basic and idk supposed to make us dislike him, and America has a huff and puff about how she refuses to read the stuff.

Clarkson finally does something mildly competent and actually clever and uses America’s only weakness, BOYS, against her. He says that if she doesn’t do it, it proves that she doesn’t love Maxon.

“Do you? Do you love him at all?”

This wasn’t how I was going to say it. Not at the end of an ultimatum, not for business.

The king tilted his head. “How sad, Maxon. She needs to think about it.”

Do not cry. Do not cry.

I’m cackling, this is hilarious and pathetic at the same time. Though I hate that this book is successful and that idiots adore it and praise it as clever and feminist.

“I’ll give you some time to find out where you stand. If you won’t do this, then rules be damned, I’ll be kicking you out by Christmas Day. What a special gift that will be for your parents.”

“Rules be damned” YOU’RE KING! YOU MAKE THE RULES!! AREN’T YOU ALREADY BREAKING THE RULES BY NOT ALLOWING MAXON TO CHOOSE?!

Uuuuuugh.

She angsts herself out of the room but Maxon doesn’t let her off that easily. He catches her and makes it aaaaalll about himself again.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded.

“He’s insane!” I was on the verge of tears, but I held them in. If the king came out and saw me that way, I’d never live it down.

Maxon shook his head. “Not him. You. Why didn’t you agree to do it?”

I looked at him, gob-smacked. “It’s a trick, Maxon. Everything he’s doing is a trick.”

“If you had said yes, I would have ended this now.”

Incredulous, I fired back. “Two seconds before, you had the chance to end it and didn’t. How is this my fault?”

“Because,” he answered, his whole demeanor urgent, “you are denying me your love. It’s the only thing I’ve wanted in this entire competition, and you still hold back. I keep waiting for you to say it, and you won’t. If you couldn’t say it out loud in front of him, fine. But if you had simply agreed, that would have been good enough for me.”

“And why would I when, for as far as we’ve come, he could still push me out? While I’m humiliated over and over again, and you stand by? That’s not love, Maxon. You don’t even know what love is.”

BUT WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEE?!?!?!?

NO WHAT ABOUT MEEEE!!!!!

BUT MEEEEEE!!

NO NO MEEEEEEEE!!!

Can a Selection fan just ... contact me and explain to me why they like these selfish, cruel, self-absorbed, entitled, petty, small-minded characters? And think of them as good people? Are we really that easily manipulated as a species? Or are the tweens reading this really this fucking stupid?

Let’s just hope they grow out of this bullshit.

I stormed away. What was I still doing here? I kept torturing myself for someone who had no idea what it meant to be faithful to one person. And he never would, because his whole concept of romance revolved around the Selection. He wouldn’t ever understand.

Did I just... read that with my own eyes. 

Does America have some serious brain damage?

HE LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT HE’S ALWAYS WANTED ONLY YOU, AND YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KEPT CHEATING ON HIM WITH ASPEN!!

HOLY SHIT.

This book somehow keeps getting dumber and dumber. It’d be almost impressive if it didn’t cause me immense psychological pain.

She tries to run away again but he grabs her and forcefully holds her there. Romance. 

He sighed. “I know that you spent years pouring yourself into another person who you thought was going to love you forever; and when he was faced with the realities of the world, he abandoned you.” I froze, taking in his words. “I’m not him, America. I have no intentions of giving up on you.”

I shook my head. “You can’t see it, Maxon. He might have let me down, but at least I knew him. After all this time, I still feel like there’s a gap between us. The Selection has forced you to hand over your affection in slices. I’ll never really have all of you. None of us will.”

When I shrugged myself free this time, he didn’t fight me.

Fuck this book. 

[rayoffuckingsunshyn]

really really long post

I don't know why the fuck I even try to piece myself together when I know dam well I'm a broken ass 400 piece puzzle with at least 147 pieces missing. I've had it all fucked up. The first time i knew i was in deep shit was when I first came out to my family and I remember my parents tried taking me to a therapist to make them make me understand that I wasn't gay. Lol my parent's logic is that if you're gay you're automatically trans. "You can't be femme and be queer, you can't be a masculine guy and be gay." The therapist explained to my mom that I wasn't trans and that i was perfectly fine and I just liked girls. Therapist was concerned about what would happen after i left the room so she gave me a card with her number on it and told me to call her whenever I felt I was in deep shit. As soon as we got out of there, my mom snatched that card from me. That moment, at that moment I knew it was going to be a shitty ride. I had so much anxiety but I couldn't do anything because I wasn't even allowed to have someone's number for safety. Imagine reliving that moment every day for the next 5 years. Just imagine feeling anxious and unsafe in a place you're supposed to feel welcomed, in the place you're supposed to sleep in. Imagine getting blamed for everything even if it doesn't correlate to you at all. Imagine having your parent not talk to you for 6 months straight when you live with them. Imagine getting blamed for your parent’s fights, their failures, their mishaps. imagine being told “if your brother turns out gay it’s your fault and i’ll never forgive you.” Just imagine that for a couple seconds, now think living that for the rest of your life. (: This isn’t the only time i felt i was in deep. i started realizing things after that, like why we would get things thrown at like the phone and other stuff. i remember this one time my brother and i were doing idk what but mom got mad and threw the phone at us. she missed but the wall behind us had a hole. all i could think was what if it would have hit one of us? what would have happened? It happened other times with other stuff of course. These are the little things that once you start adding them up you realize that i am the way i am for a reason. i know that the experiences you go through shouldn’t define you but how can they not when these experiences were the ones that shaped you? i get along with my siblings somewhat. my two older ones are very close-minded so i don’t really talk to them about personal stuff. but my younger brother is amazing. he’s gold. he is funny, witty, loving, innocent, caring. he’s my tiny bean. he says i stress him out lol i understand. i have really bad OCD and i often think about death. i often think about my brother dying. i know i would miss him very very much, i know his room would be empty, i know i won’t hear him humming or playing music, i know i won’t pick him up from school, i know he won’t be there to tell me some petty shit he did or how annoying dumb people are, he won’t be there to come up with some really big words i don’t understand and he has to explain, i know he won’t be there to ask how old am i and then say i’m immature. i would miss texting him from down the hall and then hearing him walking to my room with his heavy ass steps, barging in my room asking if i wanna fight. i would miss him calling me ‘alissa’. i would miss everything about him because he’s the best. he’s the sweetest. he’s the most open minded, understanding, mature, shy little dude. my little big brother. it’s sad to think that i only come home so that i can see my brother and sometimes my nephews. sad to think that i use school as a way to stay out of the house all day long. when i come home, no one says hi, i just go to my brother’s room, say “hey beautiful. i’m home” him: “hey stinky booty”. like i said, he’s gold. after that i just come to my room and stay here til i have to go to work in the middle of the night. this isn’t a way to live. i rarely ever talk to my parents. i mean they talk to me mostly to nag but i don’t respond. i kind of just learned how to tune them out, which is why i zone out a lot. see this is why i like music. it uses so much of my attention that i don’t have to focus or think about anything else but what i’m playing. it’s nice when my mind is quiet and there aren’t any thoughts running through it. idc how hard music gets from here on out, i still like it for the same reason that it uses so much of my attention. i guess this is why i hate affection. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i don’t know how to respond to it. it’s painful, it is embarrassing, it just isn’t my thing...at least not anymore. lol to think i once fell in love is kinda hard to imagine now. to love and to fall in love are two completely different things. i fell in love once and never again. oh man sometimes i wish she could see the damage she caused lol. i was madly in love with her, i would do anything and everything for her, i cared for her the same way i cared for myself, i was there after her surgery. to be honest it was a great feeling, to love so blindly and feel loved back. gosh we had plans and we acted on most of them...then it fell apart. i felt it. i felt it since we started to drift apart. it was those daily phone calls that turned into every other night calls. those visits at school that turned into 5 minute “if you’re not out there when i get there i’m leaving”. it was the long hour waits for a text back. the “oh sorry i was out with my brothers.” we were drifting and i felt it, yet i stayed. how foolish of me. it wasn’t until a couple weeks later a friend of mine which was a really good friend of hers that told me that a girl she went to continuation school with told her that her and my ex gf were dating and they had been dating since a couple weeks back. ohhhhh man my heart dropped, sank, shattered. FUCK. that hurt. but that wasn’t the most painful part lol oh no no no. that was just the beginning hun. i confronted my ex gf. she denied it all, of course, she sweet talked me and told me i was lied to and she was loyal, she would never cheat on me. i remember her bringing me food that day lol she put a little post it note in there saying “i love you” and i believed it for another couple weeks until the drifting happened again. i called out the girl she was cheating on me with and this is how it went “stay tf out of my relationship. you’re just a side hoe and that’s what you’ll always be. just a side bitch” she replied “that’s not what she says ;)” . SON LET ME TELL YOU! hunny i was a crazy bitch back then. but i was also in love so whatever. so i just screenshot the messages, sent them to my then gf, and i told her i was done. i wasn’t gonna be looked at as a fool anymore. again she sweet talked me out of it...this went on. this went on for 3 months. until finally one night she was like “babe we need to talk” oh fuck i knew exactly what was happening. i asked if she wanted to call me instead and she said she couldn’t handle it. she said something about i deserve better and how she told me since the beginning that she was and asshole and i shouldn’t be acting surprised when she had already warned me. she said i would have a great future but for now she wasn’t the one for me. my poor little heart. my mental health went to shit, i had anxiety for months, i was homesick literally from just going to school. i was a wreck. the most painful part though...later i found out that they were together since november and we broke up in february, the next day after she dumped me, she was posting pictures of her on social media...where i still had her/followed her. that was the most painful. knowing that even after she told me she wouldn’t cheat on me specially not with her (the girl she cheated with in the first place lol) knowing that all those times she told me she couldn’t see me or the times she would kick me out her job where she worked at this vietnamese bakery, it was because her side was coming later. knowing that she would lowkey text her and tell her to wait a bit cuz i was still there. knowing that the messages she was receiving and deleting when i was around her were from her side. it just all made sense. after that, never again. never fell in love again. i’ve loved many but never again have i fallen for anyone. i don’t think i can take it. i don’t think i can handle the pain, the anxiety, the depression, the gut feelings, the having to investigate what’s going on. i won’t be able to handle anything that adds to my already fucked up mental health. i hate affection for this too. to show affection and go all out is so embarrassing to me because i feel like i look stupid like in my head there’s this little voice “wow so foolish. you’re nothing but a fool for this person. they don’t want this. you’re so dumb. they’re going to leave you anyway.” it’s a constant thought in my mind and i hate getting called out when i actually do or say something that expresses even the slightest of feelings. i can’t handle it. i hate receiving affection as well. i don’t know how i’m supposed to respond to it, am i supposed to just stand there while they pour out their feelings? am i supposed to hug them? hold their hand? i don’t know. now don’t get me wrong, i have thought about falling again because tbh it feels nice. it’s a warm, fuzzy feeling. it’s missing them when you just saw them a couple hours ago, it’s the butterflies when you see them, it’s smiling when you see their pictures, is just enjoying their company even if you aren’t doing anything, it’s cruising and getting stoned listening to music. it’s all this and more. but it’s so so so scary. it’s frightening enough that when i feel the feels coming in or i wanna pour my little black heart out to someone i have to stop myself. talk to my self “bitch calm tf down you already know exactly how this is going to end.” that thought is always there.

anyway, i am a very empty hearted person for a reason. i am distant from my family for a reason. i don’t exactly like hugging strangers for reasons not stated above. Everyone goes through things but these are just a couple I’ve went through and still going through. they don’t define me but they did shape me.

now goodnight. it’s 4:01 am and i’m supposed to be up at 8:30.